#the cops with karl because idk.

[mcytblrconfessions-but-badder]

dnfsinner anon gets it as someone who’s still a hardcore fan of heatwaves but hasn’t interacted with dsmp since 2020. the dnf fic authors were on another fucking level and then dream and george had to go and Do That

.

[ao3feed-crimeboys]

Do Not Summon Tommy at 3 am! (Not clickbait, gone wrong, cops called!)

by GipsyJr

The Sequel to The Magic of two AM. the comments demanded more 2 am Tommyinnit chaos and my soul was more than happy to provide. Highly recommend reading it first to get double the funny. ~ “Why not.”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Tommy crossed his arms and looked over to Charlie.

“Charlie, roll for persuasion.”

Charlie winked, pulled out a dice, and rolled it on the table.

“20.” perks of having friends above. When you lose all rational thoughts in the dead of night, somebody's making sure you don't get your ass murdered.

“Ah, fuck.” Schlatt groaned. “Fine, I’ll buy you one.”

or: Tommy back at it messing around with villains at the dead of night, all rational thought gone and with one goal. YOLO.

Words: 11693, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of TommyInnit's Nightlife

Fandoms: Dream SMP

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Wilbur Soot, Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo, TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Alexis | Quackity, Charlie Dalgleish | Slimecicle, Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs

Relationships: Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Jschlatt & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Charlie Dalgleish | Slimecicle & TommyInnit, Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), idk guys - Relationship

Additional Tags: Villains, uh, im drawing a blank, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, TommyInnit is a Menace (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit is So Done (Video Blogging RPF), BAMF TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson is Wilbur Soot and Technoblade's Parent, Wilbur Soot is a Menace, Wilbur Soot is So Done, Villain Wilbur Soot, Villain Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Pink-Haired Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Villain Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), sorry guys hes not in here, BUT we have, Villain Alexis | Quackity, Alexis | Quackity Is a Menace, Slime Charlie Dalgleish | Slimecicle, Villain Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Alcoholic Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), wow thats a tag but dw they all throw some back, spoiler tags, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Hero Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hero Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Hero GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Hero Karl Jacobs, Sapnap is a Menace (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream is a Menace (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound is So Done (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs Is So Done, Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Night, Ranboo is a Menace (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo is a Menace, almost forgot those, Technoblade is Called Blade (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot is Called Siren, Cast iron skillet, The Author Regrets Nothing, Civilian TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), wait guys is it lmanberg or lmanburg

[wernher-von-brawny]

Oh, Friendo…

If you’ve been carrying guilt around since 2000 that your vote for Nader gave Bush the Presidency, then let me relieve you of it.

You lot may have gotten blamed for it, but no matter what the corporate media may try to gaslight you into believing, I assure you, it was not your vote for Nader, nor that of any of your comrades, either individually or collectively, that gave Florida to Bush.

It was the folks who voted for Pat Buchanan instead of Gore because the ballot was confusingly designed. Those are the fuckers who did the deed, and they should all burn in hell forever!!!

Nah, I’m kidding.

But rest assured, your vote didn’t cost Gore Florida because Gore actually won Florida! IDK if the info has been scrubbed from the internet (which is a actually series of pipes) but it came out that Gore did indeed get more votes than Bush.

It was the Supreme Court — or more likely the folks on the Supreme Court who owed their jobs to Bush’s daddy — who took action unprecedented in American history to stop the recount and appoint Bush President-by-judicial-fiat.

Now I know your immediate reaction to this information is probably, “The Supreme Court? Taking partisan political action? And carrying water for fascists? Not in MY America, buddy!” But I’m sorry, it’s true.

It was never the fault of you voting your conscience. Rather it was the “vast right-wing conspiracy” that Hillary famously called out during her campaign, that bears full and complete responsibility.

And if you further insist that your group of Florida Nader supporters were the sole and exact people who made the tally so close in the first place, I would ask you to examine why it’s so important to you to claim personal responsibility for the results of a national election, when almost half the voters in the country voted for Bush directly. What are they, chopped liver?

But in any case, let me once again assure you that 1.) the folks who designed the hanging chad ballots that confused folks into mistakenly voting for Pat Buchanan, and 2.) W’s brother and Governor of Florida Jeb, and 3.) Katharine Harris, W’s Florida campaign manager and the person legally empowered to 'certify' (wink, wink) the vote count, and 4.) a whole crew of other folks, some of whose names we know — like Karl Rove — and a whole lot more whose names we will never know, all of them together put in much more energy and intention, and bear WA-A-A-AY more — like, 1701 times more — direct responsibility for ensuring Florida’s electoral votes went to W by any means necessary, than all the Nader voters in all of American history.

No matter what the cops and the corporate media tell you.

So I say let the kids vote their conscience.

Unless they live in Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, or Wisconsin, of course. Then they need to vote blue or we’re totally fucked forever.

when i see people express sentiments like this, my thought is pretty much “who exactly are you trying to prove a point to?” the democrats? if trump gets elected, they’re going to be completely sidelined if not worse and will be entirely focused on trying to get back in power and i can tell you they will NOT be moving further left. netanyahu? it’s a BETTER outcome for him if trump wins since trump is SIGNIFICANTLY more pro-israel than biden has ever been. the people in gaza? they need a ceasefire which has been rejected by both the israel and the hamas sides multiple times and a trump win WILL NOT make that a stronger possibility.

[superhousecat-once-again]

I feel the need to make the people I love shitty scarves again. I wish I could explain in words what the scarves mean but I can’t. They’re love in a tangible form that is almost hard to forget. I don’t talk to the majority of people I made them for before anymore, but i like to think they still have them somewhere and can remember that I did, I do in a way, love them. It’s me using all my anxious energy in a productive way to create something that is far from beautiful, as I can never get them right and they’re full of dropped loops and curl up on themselves and could more aptly be described as an ugly yarn worm, but yet they mean something. I can’t express what right now. I wish I could.

[literaphobe]

Realistically, who'd win in a fight between the feral boys?

u know what? i’ll give u one more. i’m gonna go through each feral boy dynamic and determine who i think would win and lose in each face off. bear in mind that i might change my mind about this on any other day so take it w a pinch of salt:

Dream vs George: tie. george would do some dumb move or talk/react in a crazy way that’ll make dream laugh and go ‘ur making me laugh that’s not even fair 🤣’ he’ll like somehow twist it into claiming george is cheating because he did some dumb underhand move or found a ticklish spot n call the whole fight off saying he’d have won anyway unless george fouled like the filthy cheater he is n then george would probably b like ok fine then let me hit u once just to see if it would hurt and dream would let him and anyone watching it would find it incredibly bizarre but that’s just how they are

Sapnap vs George: im sorry but he’s drop kicking george the second he walks through the door either that or he hugs him and cries for a solid hour. they’ll end up hanging out for hours even after fighting tho n i think george would prob be the one to convince dream to get their home gym set up so he could have one more outlet to amuse himself with. he’d watch the Buff Sapnap arc unfold as he plays w a gym bouncy ball and tells sapnap he isn’t bench pressing enough weight n needs to double the load. anyway sapnap would crush him easy. he’s been loading up on protein n greens this entire time n playing basketball n going ollie on his skateboard. george had a grape the other day and thought it was gonna make him buff and his source of protein is mcdonald’s nuggets. he also struggles to open windows in cable cars. most importantly, he has NOT to my knowledge, went ollie on a skateboard. sapnap wins hands down

Quackity vs George: trickier than you might think actually. because funnily enough quackity is one of the biggest victims of the GeorgeNotFound™ effect. yes i think quackity if pushed past his breaking point could absolutely pummel the shit out of george but george has a mouth as much as quackity has fists and sometimes all he needs to say is ‘Are You Done Now?’ or ‘I’m Leaving, If You Don’t Stop/Give Me What I Want Right Now I’m Actually Leaving’ and then it becomes a REAL toss up. victor of this fight changes depending on the day

Karl vs George: hm. george wins. no. karl wins. no. they both lose

Dream vs Sapnap: sapnap talks a big game of how he could take any of these dudes he could kick anyone’s ass he’s so strong he’s gonna rip em all apart but—he can’t wake dream up for an among us game? :/ he’s too scared to go into dream’s room? :/ he HIMSELF thinks dream could kick his ass? sorry sapnap if u don’t believe in urself n think height is everything n whatever aura dream has is everything then what can i do 😔 guess dream wins this one

Quackity vs Sapnap: huh. would it be weird to say that i think they are evenly matched based on what i know of them? like they’re equally physically intimidating as they are physically not intimidating. they would both talk SO much smack tho. so much that they might not actually fight. idk. quackity’s like boxed right? but also sapnap’s won that mr beast extreme tag thing. but also i literally do not know. not to give a cop out answer again but… t-tie? but in the sense where. they know it would be So evenly matched that if they actually fought for real they’d just both end up super injured w no clear winner

Karl vs Sapnap: karl paints his nails and that gives him super powers. he could probably knock sapnap out in one punch. PROVIDED he can find him. not only is sapnap a hide and seek champion he is clearly a full fledged skater boi now. he is so fast. he is zooming away on those wheelies as we speak. where will he go

Quackity vs Karl: i think karl would win but it’s an accident like. karl kicks a chair and it goes flying and quackity takes 10 damage. or karl falls over and crashes onto quackity. the whole fear of accidentally getting murdered by karl’s clumsiness/recklessness might throw quackity off enough for him to lose

Dream vs Karl: my mind is admittedly blanking at this one. i don’t know. i don’t think either of them would fight each other even if u forced them. i don’t think there is a Bone in either of their bodies that r willing to or care for antagonizing the other. they would probably hug n then like stage some half assed fight where it ends with them Winning Together or they take turns winning or dream ‘lets karl win’ and someone might point out that implies dream thinks He would win and then karl gets like jokingly passive aggressive about it

Quackity vs Dream: in some ways? fight of the century. absolute hoedown throwdown. this is the shortest person in the gc vs the tallest person we’re talking about. the two people who are Known for ‘fighting’ over the ‘love’ of ‘GeorgeNotFound’. buuuuuuut they also like each other a lot n want the other to like them a lot so much. buuuuuuut they also have a propensity for shit talking each other. i think dream might win but he might also cry from whatever psychic damage q inflicts but at the same time quackity might like pretend he threw on purpose n let dream win or he would use his loss as leverage over dream somehow and call him a very mean not good bully who bullies people physically over getting shoved slightly during the ‘fight’. OR dream makes one joke about how quackity is so short he has to bend over just to fight him or he purposely misses a punch and says he couldn’t reach because quackity’s too low and this causes q to see red meaning game over for dream

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 3 of incorrect quotes because people liked the other ones

~~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Bad: Aren't you forgetting something?

Skeppy: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Bad's forehead before running out.*

Bad: No, pay your bill! Dang it, who raised you? 

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Well, Skeppy and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Bad: That's right... We kissed!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: I love you.

Bad, not paying attention: What was that?

Skeppy: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: You’re not jealous, are you?

Bad: No!

Skeppy: Good, ‘cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. 

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy are in Paris.*

Bad: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?

Skeppy: But...

Bad: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...

Skeppy: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?

Bad: Yeah.

Skeppy: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.

Bad: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.

Skeppy: Okay, alright

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Skeppy: Hi, I’m ‘things’

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you sure Bad's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Skeppy: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Bad: But you’re always acting stupid?

Skeppy: ...

Skeppy: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Skeppy: Aww-

Bad: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

~~~~~~~

Bad: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found

~~~~~~~

Bad: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Skeppy: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Bad: Yes.

Skeppy: I'd sleep.

~~~~~~~~

Bad, to Skeppy: We had a date!

Bad: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

~~~~~~~~

Bad, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way. 

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: That was so hot, Bad.

Bad: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

Skeppy: I'm so in love with you

~~~~~~~~

Dream: Where's Sapnap, Skeppy, and Bad?

George: They're playing hide and seek.

Dream: Where?

George: I don't think you get how this game works.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Good morning.

Bad: Good morning.

Sapnap: Good morning.

George: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Dream: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS! 

~~~~~~~

Sapnap: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

George: Several traffic violations.

Dream: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Bad: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Quackity: Also, that’s not our car.

~~~~~~~

Sapnap: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Quackity: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Bad: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Quackity: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Karl: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Quackity: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

~~~~~~

Tommy: Is stabbing someone immoral? Techno: Not if they consent to it. Wilbur: Depends who you’re stabbing. Phil: YES?!?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: *Screams*

Wilbur: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Phil: Should we do something?

Techno: No, I want to see who wins.

~~~~~~~

Phil: Wake me up…

Techno: Before you go go!

Wilbur: When September ends…

Tommy: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Techno isn’t answering their phone

Phil: I’ll call

Tommy: Wilbur and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Techno: Hello?

~~~~~~~

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Phil: Shit.

Techno: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Wilbur: OH MY GOD TOMMY FELL OFF!!!

~~~~~~~

Tommy: ARE YOU-

Wilbur: Fucking.

Tommy: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Wilbur:Fucking.

Tommy: IDIOT!

Techno: …What was that?

Wilbur: Phil banned Tommy from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: *tapping fingers on table*

Techno: *taps fingers back furiously*

Tommy: …What’s going on?

Phil: Morse code. They’re talking.

Wilbur: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Techno: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK! 

~~~~~~~

Tommy: I'm bored.

Techno: Wanna commit first degree murder?

Tommy: Sure!

Phil, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Wilbur down!!

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Phil. They're mad at you.

Phil: No, it's Tommy. They're just being grammatically correct!

*meanwhile*

Tommy: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.

Techno: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.

Tommy: I stand by my choice.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Phil, we're hungry!

Techno: Phil! What's for dinner?

Tommy: We're hungry, Phil!

Phil, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams* 

~~~~~~~

Wilbur, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

Wilbur: THERE. Now send it.

Tommy:: Dude, your handwriting is terrible, are you sure you want to-

Wilbur: JUST DO IT!

later

Phil: So what does it say?

Techno, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

Phil:

Techno:

Phil: Gross- 

~~~~~~~

Quackity: Karl, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Karl: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Quackity: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Sapnap.

~~~~~~~

Quackity: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Karl: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Quackity: Yes!

Sapnap: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

~~~~~~~

Quackity: Sapnap and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Karl: *Sighing* What did Sapnap do?

Quackity: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Sapnap: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~

Quackity: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Karl: Wasn't Sapnap with you?

Sapnap: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised. 

~~~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl you can’t move in with Quackity. Karl: Why not? Sapnap: Well, um, how are you going to feel when they see you without any makeup? Karl: I’m not wearing makeup right now. Sapnap: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

~~~~~~~

Sapnap: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Quackity: Like its slips on and off really easily.

Sapnap:

Quackity: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Karl: We know what you meant. 

~~~~~~~

Quackity: I didn't drink that much last night.

Karl: You were flirting with Sapnap.

Quackity: So what? They're my Husband.

Karl: You asked if they were single.

Karl: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

~~~~~~~

Karl: Why doesn’t Sapnap find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Quackity: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Karl: *bites lip*

Quackity: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead? 

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you trying to seduce me?

Skeppy: Why, are you seducible?

~~~~~~~

Bad: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Skeppy: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Bad: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Skeppy: Is it working? 

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Relationships should be 50/50. Bad cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty. 

~~~~~~~

Bad: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Skeppy: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

~~~~~~~

Bad: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.

Skeppy: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything. 

~~~~~~~

Bad: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Skeppy: I wrote you a poem.

Bad, already crying: You did?

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: This date is boring!

Bad: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Skeppy: Then why did you invite me?

Bad: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me" then you said " screw you Bad I'll do whatever I want!

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Bad: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Skeppy: Holy moly- 

~~~~~~~

Bad: I owe you one.

Skeppy: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even. 

~~~~~~~~

If this does as well as the others I’ll make another.

[slaygentford]

I've never seen The Boys - can you expand on what you mean?

I mean I think first of all, one (hopefully) just becomes a better creator over time. which is most of it. also, the boys is an adapted work, so everything is basically already laid out for him, which obviously makes the whole situation of plotting out a season neater. that’s WHY the boys is a more successful project than spn. as for the HOW idk it’s harder to pinpoint. I think I noticed two main things. one, there’s not a lot of room for interpretation as a result of sloppiness in the boys. what I mean by this is everything in the production is tight enough that there’s no continuity problems which lead to bigger questions the show didn’t intend to ask. as exemplified by dean having no female romantic interest for like 5 years or whatever until they had written themselves into a corner with it. every plot knows where it’s going and knows what it wants to be and how to execute it. nothing really slips through that stuck out to me. it’s not genius tv but it’s perfectly passable. 

the second thing rly is like. the fact that this dude creates characters like he’s playing with GI joes. and he didn’t create the characters in the boys, he just translated them. so mr America I genuinely just forgot his name, mr America is like, sociopath mommy issues. and everything about him reflects that. there’s room for questions WITHIN that (is he capable of love, was he truly hurt by x y or z event) but the question is never one of IF HE IS THAT THING AT ALL. does that make sense. he never wears a ring that, say, looks like his mother’s wedding ring, raising a lot of questions about how he’s really positioned in his family. this is never an issue the writers accidentally create on the boys. you never ask if there’s some second, hidden mr America that the narrative isn’t aware of. because his character is very solidly what it is. 

again I think w dean specifically, I wanna define success and failure real quick as I'm using these words. success is when you make the thing you wanted to make. failure is when you do not make the thing you wanted to make. in this way, dean is probably, honestly, Kripke’s BIGGEST fucking failure. and it’s because he tried to pack too many things INTO dean, which I've talked about before. has to be all these deeply performative things and so instead of multiplicity making those things seem realer, it makes them seem much faker. mr America simply is LESS THINGS than dean. he’s more confined and therefore more DEfined. but dean is a mom and a dad and a brother and a slut and empty and full and he hates himself and he’s angry and he’s kind and he’s insecure and he’s secure and and and. you see. but mr America is quite simply a narcissist who has real feelings sometimes. 

in this way, the characters on the boys? successful. far less interesting. but far more successful 

this is my last thing and I dont have a thesis or anything, but billy bones or whatever his name is, Karl urban, and the weedy guy. their dynamic is very plainly EXACTLY what Kripke INTENDED for dean and cas. it is absolutely insane to watch dean and cas -- the failed version of this buddy cop dynamic in his other work -- after seeing the version he wanted become realized later in his career. absolutely insane. dark mirror shit

[demolitonlcvers]

hello hello here are all the character descriptions for that tma/dsmp au

Wilbur Soot: the Archivist, avatar of the eye. Appointed Archivist by George after the former Archivist, Sam, dies. Already marked by the vast and the hunt bc of his dad and brother, which is why Dream chose him as the archivist. He’s a huge skeptic despite all of the very obvious things pointing to the supernatural being real in his childhood, and doesn’t really end up believing in any of it until he becomes Archivist. 

Tommy: Archival assistant, eventually an avatar(?) of the lonely and marked by the slaughter. He is constantly (unknowingly) getting in the way of Dream’s plans to enact the Watcher’s Crown, so Dream tries to isolate him as much as possible, eventually pushing him to the point of being an avatar(?) of the lonely (I put a question mark because I’m not sure if he should be a full avatar or just very deeply marked). 

Tubbo: Archival assistant. Marked by the corruption and the buried but not an avatar. When Schlatt came to the institute to give a statement, he became friends with both Wilbur and Tubbo, and Tubbo looked up to him. Schlatt used this against him and tried to get him to join the corruption, but Tommy stopped him. 

Fundy: Archival assistant. Similar to Tim but instead of dying he leaves the institute as soon as he figures out he can. Maybe marked by the lonely or the slaughter? I don’t have much else for him yet

George: Head of the institute. Stupid british man i hate him /j

Dream: This au’s version of Jonah Magnus. Obsessed with living forever and has been bodyhopping between different heads of the institute since 1818. Technically an avatar of the eye, but he has a lot of traits closer to the web than the eye. 

Niki: not an avatar, but marked by the end. She’s a childhood friend of Wilbur’s, but she’s marked by the end because she became friends with Ranboo 

Techno: avatar of the hunt. Similar to Daisy except not a cop. Techno became an avatar at a very young age, before Phil eventually took him in. As he got older, he was kind of used as a weapon and sent after anyone who was causing Phil trouble. When he was old enough, he moved to America.

Phil: avatar of the vast. Has been alive for at least a hundred years, similarly to Dream, but doesn’t need to bodyhop. He usually doesn’t hurt people himself, but rather has Techno do it. His original plan was to adopt a bunch of kids and turn them into avatars so he’d have a powerful family of avatars (similar to the Lukases) but when he found Techno he was already an avatar and Dream brought Wilbur and Tommy to him and told him not to turn them into avatars bc he had plans for them. 

Ranboo: avatar(?) of the end. Not actually all that malicious. He thinks he was human at one point, but isn’t completely sure, and it’s quite possible that he’s just a manifestation of the end and not an avatar. Despite being over 7 feet tall and terrifying to look at, he’s very friendly and helps Wilbur and other members of the institute out a lot. He’ll show up by the bedside of people who are dying, usually the elderly or children and help ease their passing. He, like his dsmp character, has memory issues, so he writes everything down, and has accidentally created Leitners multiple times before. 

Sapnap: avatar of the desolation. Similar to Jude Perry in the way that his only motivation is that he likes destruction. Isn’t loyal to anyone except for the desolation itself (and by extension the Lightless Flame), but is on good terms with George. When Wilbur was a child, George got Sapnap to burn down his house on Hill Top Road, marking Wilbur by the desolation. 

Schlatt: avatar of the corruption. Was friends with Quackity before becoming an avatar, but tried to get Quackity to join him after becoming one. He died of some disease idk but was brought back as an avatar. Was also a “mentor” to Tubbo for a while and also tried to get him to join the corruption before being killed by Tommy. 

Eret: avatar of the stranger. Was a childhood friend of Wilbur’s who came to give a statement at the institute years later only for Wilbur to be the only one who realizes it isn’t the Eret he recognizes. 

Karl: later archival assistant. Marked by the spiral. He and Quackity are best friends and they come to the institute at the same time. 

Quackity: later archival assistant. Marked by the stranger and maybe the slaughter? He’s had interactions with both Techno and Schlatt, which eventually led him to join the institute.

[lenny-shambles]

1- it’s so hard to narrow it down and tomorrow it could be something different but series 5 sits so close to my heart. Idk why but it was the first the really gripped me and every episode is magical

2- Greg. Don’t get me wrong Alex is great too but outside of the show Greg seems a little more down to earth and how he can continue to simply talk about comedians doing random things and it still be that funny astounds me

3- I’ve seen every episode of Taskmaster UK at least 10 times. It’s a combination of adhd and being too scared to do much else but hey, never gets old

4- “The bastard’s crying innit”. Tragically sublime and perfectly timed. Although I don’t know what officially qualifies as a ‘book of taskmaster quote’ there are many others I love and I could have a different favourite if I could think of one

5- A song for a stranger had to be my favourite task. It tied off and summed up series 5 perfectly. The diverse stripes genuinely made a great song and when it played as the credits rolled I was genuinely in tiers

6- a real hard question because there are so many to choose from but perhaps the musical task in series 7 where they have to compose a minute of music with the help of that band. It’s a creative task with no restrictions. It looks on the surface to be fun and freeing for someone so musically inept

7- Fuck It! I want to see Mike Wozniak complete every task in taskmaster history until he either finishes them all like a good boy or passes out from exhaustion!

8- although I was late to the party and dipped out a bit, I follow Taskmaster New Zealand quite closely. Always been a fan of nz comedy and most things New Zealand

9- no. There’s not much to say here. I watched hometasking on YouTube but not regularly and didn’t ever really think of doing it myself

10- it’s not really a special but I have a dream line up of past contestants. It consists of James Acaster, Mike Wozniak, Rose Matafeo, Paul Chowdhry and Victoria Coren Mitchel. All chosen because how different each of their energies are

11- Ben Willbond, Cariad Lloyd, Dian Morgan, Karl Pilkington and Richard Ayoade. All absolute characters and a chaotic energy. It’s a line up that sticks to the demographic and dynamic that the show uses most while still having the odd wild card in there

12- I normally only listen to episodes of the TM podcast if it has my favourite contestants on it. In terms of adjacent pods then I suppose I listen to a number of podcasts by taskmaster alumni with my favourite being Three Bean Salad with, you guessed it, Mr Wozniak

13- The fields and inland beaches visited in series 5 always appealed to me. I remember finding out they’re not far from London and planning a day trip there so yeah

14- the living room. Damn that house has seen some crazy shit but when you compare the different living room designs between series 1 and a newer series, you can’t help but be wowed with how all-out they go in it now

15- Sean Gibson Is my unpopular opinion. I’m sure she’s a lovely person and It’s a shame but she just kept annoying me. Something about her just continuing to do the tasks even after losing I guess. I know it’s petty but I just found her to be too squeaky at times

16- it’s probably obvious but MIKE! Every second of his existence inexplicably brings joy to my heart. I want to eat his moustache. Having said that I also love Wumar (mark and nish together) and Rose Matafeo

17- series 12 is my least favourite but still had delightful contestants and the wow monster nearly killed me with how hard I laughed. What can I say, I know it’s a cop out but series 5 should have been longer! I really can’t think of anything else bad about it

18- the 60s/70s hippie aesthetic of series 15 was absolutely glorious. Also the M.C Escher portrait of Greg from series 6 is very cool

19- I remember seeing an episode of series 2 when it was first on and liking it. I went to watch the next episode but being a dum dum I thought it was a like a normal panel show where the contestants are different each episode but no. Because of this I though I kept accidentally putting the same episode of series 2 on and it took me until series 4 to regularly watch it

20- Mike Wozniak jumping the fence was my bi-enlightening and I refuse to elaborate

Taskmaster Ask Game!

Favourite series?

Greg or Alex?

Have you seen every episode?

Favourite quote in the Taskmaster Book of Quotes™?

Favourite task(s)?

What task would you want to attempt yourself?

What task would you love to see another series attempt?

Do you follow any international versions?

Did you participate in home tasking?

If you could pick any 5 old contestants to come back for a special, who would they be?

Dream contestants for the future?

Do you listen to the official Taskmaster podcast? What about any adjacent podcasts?

What has been your favourite location apart from the house?

What is your favorite part about the Taskmaster house?

Any unpopular opinions?

Favourite contestant(s)?

Critique your favourite series and compliment your least favourite!

Favourite Greg painting/set theme?

When did you discover the show?

Tell me about a TM moment that lives in your head rent-free.

[thefogoflife]

My favorite shows: Canceled too soon and summarized badly edition

Surviving Jack: A sitcom (minus a laugh track, thank christ) about a retired soldier that becomes a full time dad and SUCKS at it, starring Christopher Meloni. 1 season.

The Middleman: A super weird, pulpy, freak of the week/twilight zone deadpan comedy about the people that save the world from extra dimensional stuff...pretty sure the girl that plays Penny Peabody in Riverdale is in this. 1 season? Idk it was on like 12 years ago.

Sleepy Hollow: This is Lucifer before Lucifer got big, with an American history/illuminati twist. Freak of the week/buddy cop format with a time displaced Ichabod Crane and a police officer who have to delve into revolutionary history and conspiracy in order to prevent armageddon/the arrival of the four horsemen (Tom Mison plays an excellent Ichabod...like a pretentious and technologically clueless Lucifer. I would die if the two characters ever met). 4 seasons.

Imposters: Ezra Bloom gets robbed/abandoned by his whirlwind romance wife, who turns out to be a con artist. He tried to track her down and finds a couple of her other victims, and they learn to con, and con their way across the country to track her down, and it's equally hilarious and intense. Uma Thurman has a recurring role, and the lead is played by Inbar Lavi (Eve in Lucifer, Winsome in SOA), who is one of my favorite actresses. Parker Young also plays the big hearted idiot hilariously. It is FELONIOUS that this show isn't more popular. It's on par with Lucifer, Hannibal, etc. 2 seasons.

Hannibal: Fuck you. If you're on this website, you know what this is. 3 seasons.

Dominion: God disappears from heaven, and the angels blame it on humanity's depravity. Archangels Gabriel and Uriel lead an army from heaven down to yeet the humans, and Michael raises an army to protect them. Post apocalyptic fallout/mad max vibes. 2 seasons.

Revolution: Scientists create nanobots that will occupy the atmosphere and conduct electricity, thereby creating unlimited free energy all over the world. They turn it on and instead it creates a massive explosion that ends the world, and absorbs all electricity permanently. The world breaks down into factions and warlords and begin fighting for control. Giancarlo Esposito (Gus Fring from breaking bad, or Moff Gideon from The Mandalorian) is his typical bastard self, but as usual, is amazing. This show starts off super cheesy with the acting and then becomes legitimately great. 3 seasons.

Almost Human: Buddy cop formula with a human and an android that fight crime in a dystopian future. Ahead of it's time, it tackles issues like in Detroit: Become Human, but people weren't ready for that. Karl Urban (of the infamous "The Boys" ad) stars. 1 season.

Stan Against Evil: Indie freak of the week parody horror show, and it's basically Buffy. This town has a curse that all sheriffs will die in office, but this one guy, Stan, doesn't (played by the lovably sarcastic douche Dr. Cox from Scrubs), and learns it was because his wife was protecting him from the demons that inhabit the town. Wife get yeeted, and it's up to alcoholic and apathetic Stan, the new sheriff, Evie, and Stan's nerd daughter to fight off demons. This show is fucking hilarious, and has a lot of cameos (for example, Mike Ogg, the voice of Trevor in GTA V, cameos as a murderous horse demon). 3 seasons.

Enlisted: War hero comes home after punching a superior and ends up on Rear D (the guys that get left behind to mow the lawns and shit when soldiers are deployed) with his idiot brothers. Deals with PTSD, but is also pretty funny. Sitcom without a laugh track. Keith David has a recurring role, and Parker Young is once again the lovable idiot. 1 season.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME FORCE MY PRIVATE THOUGHTS UPON YOU

[papakhan]

idk what im getting at here but I think the Khan’s government is very interesting mostly because of the subverted expectations around them, and chief amoung them is how Regis acts towards Papa

Regis is second in command of this huge raider based faction and a lot of the people are legit afriad of him. It could have be soo easy to this shifty advisor who wants Papa dead because he’s a soft old man/is doing something he personally disagrees with/he just wants power. The evil advisor trope is right there and having a backstabbing second in command would have fit in with the history of the Khans. But that’s not what we get in game. Regis is portrayed as both very clever and very sensitive. He's apparently an avid reader as seen by all the books around his room and he's the only Khan to pick up on the Legion being unfair to women THROUGH Karl actively trying to hide that fact from them. You can tell that he's chief of law enforcement for a reason and that reason isn't just because he's the physically strongest and most feared Khan, it's because he's smart and emotionally intelligent. And that is really cool for a second in command of a raider faction to be like that. 

The way he talks about Papa as well is super fun in that context. He obviously respects him enough to NOT publicly criticise him without some kind of solid argument WITH evidence, which also makes him a better law enforcer then any NCR cop by default. What I think is fun though is the way he actually worries about Papa, and he talks about hatred poisoning him and how he's changed since bitter springs and if you ask him to elaborate and the Khans dont like you enough yet he'll literally tell you it's none of your business like its really funny you guys. And sure you can take it as Regis worrying about Papa fucking up the Khans with his hateful choices around the NCR but he calls Papa one of the best leaders the Khans have ever had and he's fucking right

look i know right im the gay weirdo who thinks these two guys in leather are gay married and in the canon text theres not a whole lot they have to say about eachother but like come on. papa khan and regis are friends. raiders can be friends with eachother. you can have a raider leadership that isnt full of backstabbing where the different people in charge actually work well together. they eat dinner together man come on