#the context is god awful though

[superb-owl-sunday]

Catching up on the last episode and damn production and Skippy have been shady this week trying to hide what's been happening.... But that visual of Quinn going on a villain monologue, T'kor fuming in the backyard, Angela trotting out of the bathroom and latching onto Cedric saying she loves him and isn't a racist and him just looking into the camera like Jim from the office.... The big brother out of context video maker people have been fed this episode.

[mail-me-a-snail]

2024 / 2025 i think things are gonna be okay.

[agapestricken]

margaret atwood, alias grace; slightly modified to say 'her' instead of 'his.'

[o-vera-nalyzing]

i had to add the tags cause goddamn that’s so fucking real. and it’s so natural for him to go overboard in the other direction when trying to heal from the mindset of always trying to be smaller and nicer etc

but it goes back to what zelda said sophomore year, he’s not a weird guy offering a flower to someone the first day of school and singing a song trying not to get mad. he’s a rockstar, he’s saved the world, his friend group is the most popular and objectively coolest in the school, he’s literally killed many people which might not be that weird in spire but a good amount of those people were school faculty. like he’s intimidating and scary and cool and has a group of friends who can, have, and will kill for him.

i don’t think he fully realizes it yet but eventually he’s gonna realize when he says certain things that are healing for him because he’s breaking from his forced placidness, that those things can also really hurt other people. and i think with the support and friends and role models he has he’ll learn time and place and lines not to cross, etc, but i honestly just love to see the growth.

anyways he’s my boy and he’s finally standing up for himself unapologetically and maybe the whole rage thing is connected to the overarching plot in a bad way but honestly i don’t care gorgug deserves to be mad bffr. he’s in high school and he’s got a stellar support system he’ll learn when to be mad and when being mad is an understandable reaction and even though it’s not bad it isn’t the most useful or acceptable in every scenario.

i honestly think that Gorgug bullying Mary Ann is a good thing for the fandom bc i see so many of you guys being like "oh he's so sweet he would never hurt a fly", still treating him like he had no evolution since the first day of freshman year and the tinfoil flower... wrong. Gorgug is as capable of being a shithead as any of the others. he's a tall strong teenager who could very well turn into a bully if he wanted to, just like any of us, and who keeps getting pushed into it by his teacher and even his friends. Gorgug's road to self-affirmation cannot be brought forward without casualties, otherwise his narrative arc wouldn't have any weight ; this is a character who grew up being taught that you have to make yourself smaller, to always be kind and nice and arranging to others, while the general public kept seeing him as this big threatening monster !! of course he's going to take up some bad behaviors on the way of breaking free out of that. i hope he keeps having outbursts until the bad kids are forced to realize that it's not so fun anymore and to actually intervene.

[moonlightspencie]

don't want you like a best friend

Description: James is nervous about his inexperience with girls. Luckily he has a best friend who's more than willing to help. (based on an idea formed in part by @amiableness. check out the post)

Pairing: best friend!James Potter x fem!Reader

Warnings: DESPERATE!james, inexperienced!james, blowjob (m receiving), porn with barely any plot

Word Count: 2.5k

a/n: kind of muggle!au? doesn't really matter in the context of this though lmao

You walked into James's flat, quite pleased he'd given you a key. It was much easier to bother him whenever you pleased when you could just waltz in any time.

"James!" you called out, toeing off your shoes.

"In here!" he shouted back.

You followed his voice to his room, seeing him laying on his tummy watching tv. You ran up to his bed and flopping down on it next to him. He laughed in that squeaky, joyful way he only ever seemed to do around you.

"Hi," he greeted with a cheeky smile.

"Hi," you replied with an equal grin, then glanced at the television. "What are you watching?"

"Nature documentary about penguins," he responded simply.

You glanced up at him with a quirked brow. "Why?"

"Cause I like penguins," he shrugged.

"...we need to get you a girlfriend."

He went a little quiet, prompting you to look at him again. You tilted your head.

"James?"

He chewed his lip. "I– I do kind of have a date. Tomorrow."

"What?" you exclaimed, suddenly sitting up straight. "Who? Since when?"

His cheeks went a little pink. "Sirius set it up for me."

"Oh my god! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I'm nervous!"

You chuckled softly, still in a bit of disbelief. The boy had been single for far too long in your opinion, especially considering how much girls threw themselves at him in school. He always said that it was just because he had high standards, but part of you was half-convinced he must be terrified of girls. Or commitment. Maybe both.

"I just... I can't believe it. Is she cute?"

He almost grimaced. Not a great sign.

"Uh oh," you snorted a laugh.

"It's not that she's ugly! She's... she is pretty, its just," he sighed, shrugging a little, "she's not really my type, I guess."

"At this point, I'm beginning to believe you don't have a type."

He frowned. "Hey."

"Just saying, James. You never date, and it's not for lack of girls who like you."

"I kind of have to like them back for that to work."

"You sure you're not scared of girls?" you asked with a laugh.

He chuckled a little, shaking his head. "No."

"Commitment?"

"No."

"...Sex?"

"Ugh, don't say that," he groaned, dropping his face against the mattress.

You laughed again. "Sounds like a yes. It's really not that scary."

"It's kinda scary," he mumbled against his comforter.

"James," you called quietly, resting your cheek on the mattress to look at him.

He turned his face towards you, his cheeks pink and his hair even messier than usual. His lips were slightly pouty. Frankly, it was absolutely adorable.

"Everyone but me has done it at this point. The furthest I ever got was touching a boob over clothes in fifth year."

You couldn't help but to laugh at that, causing him to whine your name in protest.

"Sorry..." you said, not all that apologetic. "It's just... cute. You get so flustered. It's really not a big deal."

"It is a big deal to me."

"Aw. I'm sorry, Jamie. I just mean that nobody's going to fault you for being inexperienced."

"They might!"

"No they won't."

"You don't know that."

"At any rate, I think it's sweet."

"But I'm not having sex with you," he argued, then snapped his mouth shut, his cheeks going even darker. "That sounds... I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," you ran a hand through his hair, and he leaned into the touch. "I just mean to say that I'm sure if I think it's sweet, other girls would also probably think it's cute."

"I'm a man. I shouldn't be cute, I should be... strong and masculine. Hot."

"You're very hot, James."

He sighed, still pouting a little.

"Put that lip away," you muttered, tapping his bottom lip.

"You're being mean."

"No, I'm not."

"You're teasing me," he pouted again.

"What? How?"

"You're very hot, James," he mocked in an overly-high-pitched voice.

You snorted a laugh. "Heaven forbid I tell my hot best friend that he is, in fact, hot."

He fell quiet for a moment. "You really think so?"

"Of course I do."

"Mm," he hummed softly, then sighed. "Why can't there be more girls like you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" you asked, smiling curiously.

"You're always so sweet to me. I just wish there were more girls who act like you, cause then I could just... do it with them and not be so worried about it."

You raised your brows, trying to hold back another laugh. "Oh, really?"

"Don't tease me."

"I'm not. Just, why don't–" you stopped abruptly.

He looked at you with wide eyes. "What?"

"If you're so worried about getting your first time over with, then why don't you just do it with me?"

He looked like he got the wind knocked out of him in that moment, blinking a few times as if he was trying to wake up from a dream. He opened his mouth a few times, though no sound came out.

"I just mean that... you said you'd do it with a girl like me, so why not me? You trust me, I know what I'm doing, you know I won't judge," you listed off some reasons. "It could work, you know?"

"Cause you're... you're my best friend."

"And?"

"And friends don't do that."

"Friends do that all the time," you replied with a shrug.

"What?" he asked, looking totally mortified.

"Friends have sex all the time."

"Since when?"

"Since forever," you chuckled a little. "I'm not saying we have to. Just putting it out there, since you're so nervous about it and all."

"I–I don't..."

"You don't have to say yes."

"I know," he nodded, looking a little uncomfortable. "It's just... I don't think I'm ready to do all of that right now."

You smile a little. "I'm not saying I'd take you to pound town right now..."

"Ugh," he groaned.

"Sorry. I just mean to say that, if you wanted to, we could start slow. Work you up to the main event."

He chewed his lip, looking away from you. You sighed softly, then stood from the bed.

"Alright. Let's go and grab a snack or something and take your mind off all this. Stop stressing so much," you said, trying to grab his arm to pull him up.

He shook his head. "Can't."

"What? Yes, you can."

"No, I can't," he emphasized, his cheeks still dark.

"Why not."

He stared at you for a moment, then whined, dropping his head into the comforter again. He mumbled something into the fabric, causing you to groan in annoyance.

"What are you saying? I can't hear you when you mumble."

"You don't understand," he said, looking at you again with a pouty face. "You're not a guy."

"What the hell is that supposed to... Oh," your eyes widened. You let out a disbelieving, delighted little giggle. "Are you–"

"Please don't talk about it. It'll make it worse," he said quickly in his whiny little voice.

"Aww. Poor baby."

"Stop it."

"Let me see."

His eyes widened comically. "What?"

"Let me see. Come on, turn over," you giggle, trying to turn him.

"Lovie, no, I..."

"Please?" you pouted, knowing he could never resist it.

He whined. "Please don't. It's embarrassing."

"It's hot."

He gulped. "...It is?"

You nodded. "Yeah. It's kind of flattering, too. The fact that I barely suggested it and you got all excited."

"It's not my fault. I just... my brain started thinking..."

"Yeah, brains tend to do that," you joked, relishing in him being all flustered. It was so unlike his usual demeanor. "Come on, Jamie. I just want to see."

He swallowed, nodding a little awkwardly before he turned onto his back. You smirked a little to yourself at the obvious bulge in his sweatpants. You sat back on the bed right next to him, glancing back at his nervous face.

"Can I touch?"

"I... I don't know."

"Just over the pants right now."

He considered it for a few moments, before taking a deep breath, nodding.

"Okay," he said quietly, his hands balling into fists.

You smiled. "Relax."

You let your hand rest on his thigh first, watching him as his eyes trailed your every move. You slowly slid up his leg, teasingly, just so you could see him sweat a little at the thought of being touched for the first time. He was generally quite confident, but somehow missed out on anything and everything intimate outside of kissing.

He sucked in a breath as you reached his hip, looking as if he could pass out.

"Hey," you said gently, trying to catch his eye. "Take a deep breath. Relax. It's supposed to feel good."

He sniffed, nodding shakily. "Y-yeah. Sorry."

"Don't apologize, Jamie. Just... relax. Okay?"

"Okay."

You let your hand move again, barely ghosting over his bulge, the tips of your fingers touching the fabric of his sweatpants. You looked up at his face. His cheeks were red, and his eyes were wide and almost glossy. His pretty, pouty lips were just barely parted as he waited in anticipation for your next move.

You lowered your hand, gripping him gently through his pants, forcing a shaky gasp through his lips. You smirked to yourself a little, stroking him through his pants.

"Feels good, huh?" you asked in a quiet voice.

He opened his mouth to respond, but all that came out was a pathetic little moan. You chuckled at the sound, stroking him again. He was bigger than you expected him to be, but not terribly massive. His hips bucked into your hand, another soft whine coming from him.

"Aww. You like it, huh?"

He nodded, breath coming in short.

"Can I do a little more?"

"Uh..."

"I think you'll like it."

"M-maybe," he gasped out, looking utterly wrecked already.

"Can I take off your pants?"

He looked at your face again. "Huh?"

"Can I take them off? I wanna touch you," you stated simply.

He whimpered. "Um... For... for what?"

You furrowed your brow. "So I can feel you. I just want to touch your skin. It'll feel better for you, too. You touch yourself, right?"

"I... Y-yeah. Yeah, sometimes."

"And I assume you don't do it through your pants, right?" you laugh a little.

He merely swallows, nodding dumbly. "Right."

"So... Can I touch you like that? I won't do it unless you say yes."

"Oh..." he sucked in a shaky breath. "O-okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes."

You smiled, hooking your fingers in his sweatpants and underwear. "Hips up, please."

He followed your instructions easily, lifting his hips for you. You tugged everything down in one go, leaving it all pooled at his ankles on the bed. You nearly moaned yourself when you saw him, hard and leaky and ready. You traced his dick softly with your fingertips, impressed with him, and drawing another moan from his lips.

"So pretty, Jamie. Look at you."

"Don't... fuck," he gasped. "Don't say that."

"I mean it. Your cock is perfect."

He whimpered again, sounding like he could cry. You wrapped a hand around him, stroking him softly as hips bucked into your hand, soft moans and squeaks leaving him in utter desperation.

"P-please," he begged, staring at you as if you hung the stars.

"Please?"

"I... I don't know," he shook his head, his lip quivering.

"You need more?"

He sniffled, nodding quickly. "So bad. Please."

"Can I suck your cock, love?"

The sound that left his lips was utterly pornographic, his chest heaving like he'd run a marathon.

"God..."

"That's not my name, baby," you stroke him again. "I need you to say yes if this is what you want."

"Y-yes. Fuck yes," he said, his hips still shifting under you, trying to get more friction from your hand.

"So needy," you chide jokingly, moving to settle between his legs.

He whined watching you climb between his legs, nearly hyperventilating at the sight and feeling of you kissing along his stomach with your hand pushing his shirt up.

"So pretty," he groaned, stroking your hair.

You smiled against his stomach, licking nearly up to his chest just to hear him make that sound again. You kissed back down his stomach, barely ghosting over the tip of his cock at you looked back up at him.

"Ready?"

He nodded, in a trance as he watched you. You kept his eye contact as you darted your tongue out, tasting him for the first time. He practically sobbed in pleasure, pulling on your hair slightly.

"Told you it would feel good, baby," you mutter, licking from base to tip as he squirmed under your touch. "Isn't this nice?"

"Mmmm..." he nodded, chest heaving.

"Good boy," you kissed his tip.

You stared up at him, smiling to yourself at his sweet little reactions as you started stroking him. He looked so adorable totally wrecked. Like he could pass out at any moment. You couldn't help but to want more.

You wet your lips, figuring you could probably fit most of him into your mouth in one go: so you decided to give it a go. You licked him once more, then shoved his cock down your throat, letting it hit far enough to make you gag.

He shouted, gasping for air before he fell into a puddle of moans and desperate praises of your name. You pulled off of him, but only for a second before you went back down, sucking on him as if your life depended on it. It felt like it did.

He gripped the fabric of his comforter, sobbing in pleasure as his hips jutted up into your mouth. You were about to pull off to make some sly remark, when he whimpered loudly, shooting his cum down your throat. You hummed around him, swallowing everything you could despite your utter surprise that he had finished so quickly. He whined and kept his grip tight in your hair until he was done, his seed dribbling past your lips as you couldn't quite swallow everything. You weren't sure if you'd ever witnessed someone cumming so much before.

You did your best to clean him off without making him overly-sensitive, and finally pulled off.

"Mm... Holy fuck, Jamie. You cum that much every time?” You ask, chuckling a little despite being wildly aroused.

He shook his head, sweaty and still whimpering.

"Awww," you cooed softly, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "You okay?"

"That... that felt..."

"What?"

"Best thing ever," he managed breathily.

You laughed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he uttered, a small smile on his face as he opened his eyes. "I... you're really good at that."

"Apparently too good," you snorted.

"Maybe," he nodded, then hummed softly in pleasure. "Sorry for cumming so fast."

"It was sweet."

"It's not sweet," he shook his head.

"I think so. You're so sensitive," you kissed his cheek.

He hummed again, then sighed softly. You watched him as he took a few steadying breaths before he moved his eyes back to you. He let his eyes linger on your form for several moments, then chewed his lip. He looked up at you, clearly debating something in his mind.

Then he smiled a little.

"Can I return the favor next time?"

[ghostfacd]

WIRED AUTOCOMPLETE. | TOM BLYTH

PAIRING. tom blyth x fem!actress!reader

SUMMARY. in which you and tom make a special appearance on wired’s autocomplete interview

installment of this au | recommend reading for more context

“Hi — we’re Y/N Avocot and Tom Blyth — and this is the Wired Autocomplete Interview!”

You’re both handed a white board, bigger than your face, and there’s a list of questions with some of the words covered.

“Do you want to go first?” Tom asks, giving you a small smile.

“Yes! I’m pretty excited actually,” you begin to peel off the first question. “Okay, first question: what was Y/N Avocot’s first role?”

You think for a moment, “well in terms of roles in general, my first acting role was very small and I believe it was for this ice cream commercial as a kid. I’m not sure if it’s still up but my mom had signed me up for it and they thought I was a really cute kid so they casted me.”

Tom laughs, “really?” He then retrieves his board from the crew. “Okay my turn. Why does Coriolanus Snow turn evil?”

That question makes you slightly giggle, because it’s so broad that it’s nearly impossible for Tom to narrow down exactly what it is that made Coriolanus suddenly switch. “I believe you should be asking Suzanne Collins, shout-out to her for making the entire trilogy and prequel. But honestly? I think he was always power hungry, and even though Tigris tried her very best to bring out the humanity in him, it was just never enough. Especially after Sejanus’s death, I think Coriolanus realized there was no going back.”

“Oh wow,” you say, very impressed with how he decided to answer it. “That was a terrific answer Tom.”

“Thank you m’lady.” You giggle at his antics, rolling your eyes jokingly.

“What role does Y/N Avocot play in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes?” You clear your throat, imitating one of your character’s iconic resting bitch face.

“I play Balleona Laurent, duh.” You joke. “Anyway, yes, I play Balleona, also known as Leona. She’s originally from the Capitol just like Coriolanus. They met at the academy and she automatically knew she had to have him. She comes from the Laurent family, which is a very very wealthy, well off, intimidating family that Coriolanus knows he just has to get into, which is why they start dating. I don’t wanna spoil too much of Leona and Corio in the movie, soooo you guys should definitely check it out!”

“Alright,” Tom adjusts himself in his seat, ripping off the paper for the next question. “Does Tom Blyth have a girlfriend?”

He pretends to think, which makes you bite your lip, suppressing a laugh. “Hmm, very complex question.”

“Oh give the people what they want!” You tease, “yes he does. He’s inlove with Jennifer Lawrence.”

“I am not inlove with Jennifer Lawrence!” He exclaims quickly, “although I greatly admire her work. My girlfriend is Y/N Avocot over here, sadly.”

“Sadly?!” You fake offense, “cut the cameras. I’m gonna beat Tom up.”

You peel away at your next question, the interview already being loads of fun for the both of you. “Is Y/N Avocot a good singer?”

Your head falls forward, and Tom’s automatic instinct is to catch you, not realizing you’re only joking. “Oh God, I hope so!” You say, laughing as you pick your head up. “I’m no Mariah Carey but I like to think I’m a pretty okay singer.”

“More than okay,” Tom chimes in, which makes you laugh.

“Aw, thanks Tom.”

Tom reaches to peel another question off. “Is Tom Blyth American?” This question makes you almost spit out the water you were currently taking a sip out of. “Well, a lot of people get shocked when I say I’m from the UK. I mean, is my American accent that good?”

“Guess so,” you shrug. “Okay next. Is Y/N Avocot in The Summer I Turned Pretty?”

You clasp your hands together excitedly, giving the camera a wide smile. “Yes! I play Maekella Fisher, also known as Ella Fisher, Steven Conklin’s love interest and sister to Conrad and Jeremiah. The first season airs out soon so please stay tune for that! I’m so excited to be apart of this amazing show with such amazing people.”

“I always come to watch her on set,” Tom says, “they’re all such funny and charismatic people. I swear I’ve became friends with everyone on Y/N’s cast.”

“Okay, my last question,” Tom peels off the paper, grinning. “Will Tom Blyth star in another movie soon?”

He smirks, eyes playfully looking into the camera. “Who knows? But I do know that something exciting will be coming out soon so prepare yourselves!”

“Way to tease the crowd Blyth,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Anyway! My last question, this was quick. What is Y/N Avocot’s skincare routine? Oh, I’ve been waiting for this one.”

You sit on the edge of your seat, and Tom finds it endearing that you’re so excited about something as small as this.

“First, I rinse my face with cold water and I dip my face in a bowl of ice and water for 3 minutes. Afterwards, I put on my dewy toner from Innisfree, it’s so smooth and nice. Sometimes I’m too lazy for this step but I also put on sunscreen, it’s important so I always remind myself to not forget— but I love to use Supergoop Unseen’s Sunscreen. I use drunk elephant’s bronze drops if I wanna go for a sunkissed look that day, but I usually don’t. And then I just shake my Tower facial spray and spray it all over my face. Usually, I touch up my eyebrows and do my eyeliner but that’s really about it!”

“It’s true,” Tom adds. “She asked me if I could go buy her the tower spray yesterday because she was almost out.”

“No need to expose me like that,” you say, clinging your arms onto his. “Well thank you guys for watching!”

“Thank you!” Tom and you wave at the camera, smiling brightly.

[oddyseye]

I want to know your opinion on people who think Odysseus' and Calypso's relationship was consensual, especially when they go by the lines of "the nymph no longer pleased him." in the Odyssey.

The idea that Odysseus and Calypso’s relationship was consensual is one of the most frustrating misinterpretations of The Odyssey, and it usually stems from either a complete lack of engagement with the text or an unwillingness to acknowledge that sexual coercion existed in antiquity (which is absurd).

I love when people bring up “for long ago the nymph had ceased to please” like it somehow overrides the entire rest of the passage spelling out that Odysseus was, in fact, being held captive and repeatedly assaulted. I have zero patience for the “it was consensual” crowd.

First off, if the argument hinges on “ceased to please,” let’s look at what that actually means in context. That phrase isn’t implying Odysseus once enjoyed being with Calypso and just got bored of her, it’s a statement of his ongoing, relentless misery. His time with her has long since stopped bringing him any form of comfort (if it ever did, which is dubious to begin with), and he is wasting away from grief. He is literally sitting on the shore, day after day, weeping, groaning, tearing his heart apart in longing for home. That’s not a man reminiscing about his once-enjoyable island fling; that’s a man drowning in despair because he is trapped in a situation he cannot escape.

And now, let’s get to the part that really kills any argument for “consent”:

The strong god glittering left her as he spoke, and now her ladyship, having given heed to Zeus’s mandate, went to find Odysseus in his stone seat to seaward—tear on tear brimming his eyes. The sweet days of his life time were running out in anguish over his exile, for long ago the nymph had ceased to please. Though he fought shy of her and her desire, he lay with her each night, for she compelled him. But when day came he sat on the rocky shore and broke his own heart groaning, with eyes wet scanning the bare horizon of the sea. (Robert Fitzgerald)

For. She. Compelled. Him. Let’s say that again: FOR. SHE. COMPELLED. HIM.

How much clearer could it be? The text explicitly states that Odysseus avoided Calypso’s advances, that he did not desire her, that he actively resisted, but she forced him. That is coercion. That is not an equal relationship. That is a man who had no say in whether he had to share a bed with her. If we take this passage seriously (and we should), then what happened to Odysseus on Ogygia was not some steamy romance, it was imprisonment and violation.

Here are more of these passages:

The queenly nymph sought out the great Odysseus— the commands of Zeus still ringing in her ears— and found him there on the headland, sitting, still, weeping, his eyes never dry, his sweet life flowing away with the tears he wept for his foiled journey home, since the nymph no longer pleased. In the nights, true, he’d sleep with her in the arching cave—he had no choice— unwilling lover alongside lover all too willing… (Robert Fagles)

And since the reverend nymph these awful things Receiv'd from Jove, she to Ulysses went; Whom ashore she found, drown'd in discontent, His eyes never kept dry he did so mourn, And waste his dear age for his wish'd return; Which still without the cave he us'd to do, Because he could not please the goddess so. At night yet, forc'd, together took their rest The willing goddess and th' unwilling guest; But he all day in rocks, and on the shore, The vex'd sea view'd, and did his fate deplore. (George Chapman)

Because he could not please the goddess so.

BECAUSE HE COULD NOT PLEASE THE GODDESS SO.

This line makes it brutally clear that Odysseus was never in control of this relationship. He could not please her in the way she wanted. He was not satisfying her in the way she expected. And why? Because his heart was never in it.

He was there, physically, but emotionally? Absent. Disconnected. Miserable. People love to talk about how Odysseus was a “great liar,” how he could charm his way out of anything, but he could not fake his way through this. He could not even pretend to be happy. He could not please her because his entire being was devoted to escaping her. That’s not a lover. That’s a hostage.

Tell me, in what world is someone being forced to sleep with someone else not an indication of a complete lack of consent? The contrast here is explicit: Calypso wants him, Odysseus does not. Calypso has the power, Odysseus does not. This isn’t a mutual situation; it’s an oppressive one.

And this same dynamic exists with Circe, too. There’s this ridiculous modern perception that Odysseus was just out there sleeping around by choice, like he was thrilled to have a little vacation from Penelope, when in reality, the text never frames his encounters with either Circe or Calypso as things he sought out. Circe explicitly turns his men into pigs and threatens him before Hermes intervenes, giving Odysseus the means to protect himself, but without that divine aid, he would’ve had no say in the matter. The idea that these situations are somehow consensual because they resulted in sex is completely ignoring the power imbalance and the outright coercion that the Odyssey itself makes clear.

At this point, anyone still trying to argue Odysseus wanted this is either being deliberately obtuse or has a personal investment in making light of what was, objectively, an act of forced captivity. People love to frame it as if Odysseus was just getting lucky with two beautiful women instead of being a man held hostage, denied his home, and forced into a relationship he did not want.

And let’s not forget the double standard here. If the roles were reversed — if a woman were trapped on an island by a god who forced her to sleep with him every night, no one would be out here arguing, “Well, she probably enjoyed it at some point.” No one would be twisting one vague line into an excuse to justify the whole situation. But because it’s a man, suddenly people want to pretend it’s different? No. Absolutely not.

"The nymph no longer pleased him."

People who latch onto this line completely miss the context. They interpret it as "he used to enjoy her, but now he’s bored," which is just flat-out wrong. The phrase in Greek goes as follows:

ὣς ἄρα φωνήσας ἀπέβη κρατὺς ἀργεϊφόντης: ἡ δ᾽ ἐπ᾽ Ὀδυσσῆα μεγαλήτορα πότνια νύμφη ἤι᾽, ἐπεὶ δὴ Ζηνὸς ἐπέκλυεν ἀγγελιάων. τὸν δ᾽ ἄρ᾽ ἐπ᾽ ἀκτῆς εὗρε καθήμενον: οὐδέ ποτ᾽ ὄσσε δακρυόφιν τέρσοντο, κατείβετο δὲ γλυκὺς αἰὼν νόστον ὀδυρομένῳ, ἐπεὶ οὐκέτι ἥνδανε νύμφη. ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τοι νύκτας μὲν ἰαύεσκεν καὶ ἀνάγκῃ ἐν σπέσσι γλαφυροῖσι παρ᾽ οὐκ ἐθέλων ἐθελούσῃ: ἤματα δ᾽ ἂμ πέτρῃσι καὶ ἠιόνεσσι καθίζων δάκρυσι καὶ στοναχῇσι καὶ ἄλγεσι θυμὸν ἐρέχθων πόντον ἐπ᾽ ἀτρύγετον δερκέσκετο δάκρυα λείβων. Thus, having spoken, the strong Argus-Slayer departed. And the revered nymph went to great-hearted Odysseus, since she had indeed heard the messages of Zeus. She found him sitting upon the shore; never did his eyes dry from tears, but his sweet life was ebbing away as he wept for his return, for the nymph pleased him no longer. Yet at night, he slept with her by necessity in the hollow caves — unwilling with one willing. But for sure, at night he slept in the cave, forced, though unwilling, by the nymph, who had her way; and during the day, sitting on the rocks and shores, he tore at his heart with weeping and groaning, gazing at the endless sea, shedding tears.

Let’s go through the key points.

1. “The nymph pleased him no longer” is a misleading translation. The Greek says: ἐπεὶ οὐκέτι ἥνδανε νύμφη. This is not “he used to love her, but now he’s tired of her.” That’s a complete misreading.

οὐκέτι (ouketi) – no longer, no more, not anymore. This means that at some prior point, something was different. But what was different?

ἥνδανε (hēndane) – This verb means “to be pleasing” or “to be acceptable,” but in a very passive sense. It does not imply active enjoyment. It’s often used for things that are tolerated or bearable rather than truly loved.

What’s happening here is not that Odysseus used to enjoy Calypso but got bored of her. It’s that, at some point in his captivity, he reached a threshold where even tolerating her presence became unbearable. There’s a difference between “putting up with something because you have no choice” and “actively liking it.” That’s why a more honest translation would be:

“…since the nymph was no longer tolerable.”

It’s not about desire fading, it’s about a breaking point in suffering.

Need more proof? Here are more usages of the same word:

Homer, Iliad:

ἀλλ’ οὐκ Ἀτρεΐδῃ Ἀγαμέμνονι ἥνδανε θυμῷ, ἀλλὰ κακῶς ἀφίει ... "But it didn't please Agamemnon son of Atreus in his heart, and he sent him away harshly …"

Here, ἥνδανε is used to describe Agamemnon’s reaction to the priest’s offer. The meaning is clear: he did not find the offer acceptable. It is not about personal delight; it is about whether or not something is tolerated or agreeable.

Now imagine the opposite: if Homer had written ἥνδανε without negation, it would only mean that Agamemnon allowed or tolerated the priest’s offer, not that he was enthusiastic about it.

This is exactly how it functions in The Odyssey. At one point, Odysseus could bear Calypso’s presence. But eventually, even that tolerance shattered.

Herodotus, Histories 7:

ὅτι οὔ σφι ἥνδανε τὰ οἱ Ἀλευάδαι ἐμηχανῶντο. "Because they did not approve of what the Aleuadae were planning."

This line describes the Thessalians siding with the Persians out of necessity, despite not agreeing with the Aleuadae’s schemes. Once again, ἥνδανε does not mean desire or enjoyment. It means whether or not something is accepted, even grudgingly.

If this sentence had simply said "σφι ἥνδανε," it would not mean the Thessalians loved the Aleuadae’s plans. It would only mean they could tolerate or accept them.

Back to Odysseus in The Odyssey.

ἐπεὶ οὐκέτι ἥνδανε νύμφη. "For the nymph was no longer tolerable to him."

Now that we’ve seen the pattern, it should be crystal clear why this does not mean Odysseus ever loved Calypso. The verb here does not indicate passion, attraction, or enjoyment. It means that, for a time, he could bear her presence—but eventually, even that was impossible.

The shift is not from pleasure to displeasure. The shift is from forced tolerance to complete suffering.

2. "By necessity, unwilling with one willing." The Greek phrase: ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τοι νύκτας μὲν ἰαύεσκεν καὶ ἀνάγκῃ ἐν σπέσσι γλαφυροῖσι παρ᾽ οὐκ ἐθέλων ἐθελούσῃ.

ἀνάγκῃ (anankēi) – This is force, necessity, compulsion. He did not go to her willingly.

οὐκ ἐθέλων (ouk ethelōn) – Not willing, unwilling.

ἐθελούσῃ (ethelousēi) – Willing. This is Calypso.

So, let’s be absolutely clear here: the text is explicitly stating that Odysseus was unwilling, and Calypso was willing. If one person is forced into sex while the other is fully willing, what is that called? Assault.

It does not get more explicit than this. The Greek does not leave room for ambiguity. He did not want to sleep with her. He was forced to.

Odysseus was not a cheater. He did not betray Penelope. He was a prisoner on Ogygia, kept there by force, and sexually coerced by a goddess who had absolute power over him. The idea that Odysseus used to love Calypso but then grew tired of her is linguistically false. The Greek never says he enjoyed her, only that, at some point, she was at least tolerable. That tolerance is now gone.

This fits perfectly with the rest of the passage, where Odysseus:

Is forced to sleep with her (οὐκ ἐθέλων ἐθελούσῃ).

Weeps every single day.

Wastes away from grief.

Longs for home.

The Greek is painfully clear. The only question is whether people are willing to read it.

[theseinfernalangels]

Fragile — Sawyer Henrick

Synopsis: Mender!Reader comes back from RSC worse off than the rest of your squad. Sawyer is heartbroken and takes care of you.

A/N: I pumped this one out surprisingly fast! I may post my OC reference sheet after this for more context, since there are references to characters you haven’t met yet, such as Reader’s dragon, Cridhe, and Eden (Liam’s girl!). We’ll see how it turns out! I might even do a part two for this hehe.

Includes: blood, injuries, insecurities, and anxiety. Oh, yeah; don’t forget the dragon telepathy, fluff, hurt-comfort, slight angst. Takes place during Iron Flame.

Sawyer knew something was up when you didn’t meet him outside the Gathering Hall. 

It wasn’t like you to be late for…Well, anything, much less seeing him. He certainly wasn’t an anxious person, but it made his fingers twitch with nervousness when he didn’t spot your cautious frame lingering close to the sides of the hall. He waited anyway. He’d always wait for you.

At the ten-minute mark, his thoughts began to race. He could understand if you stayed behind for a word with one of your professors – you were a genius, anyway. Perhaps you could have gone off-track to help another cadet in need of extra notes. That was just in your nature (even though Sawyer and Ridoc had tried to convince you to charge a couple coins for it – you’d be swimming in gold by now). Maybe you were in the infirmary with your friend…Eden, was it? Emily? He could barely remember.

But no. Another fifteen minutes slowly ticked by, and his reasonable side began to veer off a little. Maybe you’d been injured somehow. Maybe the other cadets had finally taken advantage of your anxious, gentle nature and were in the middle of ganging up on you. Maybe they’d finally gotten you – the Marked cadets who weren’t too fond of you for what your parents, Navarrian military legends, had done to them.

He heard Sliseag’s chiding voice resound in the back of his mind. Easy there, Ashling, he soothed. Do not worry too much. She is exactly where she is meant to be.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I would beg to differ, he replied, trying to calm his racing heart. If she was in the right place, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now.

The dragon snorted. Really, now? he mused. Look up.

Sawyer had just turned, his palms sweaty, when he saw a figure moving sluggishly in his peripherals. He squinted, then froze, the sight making his blood run cold.

You finally showed up…But you looked awful.

Damaged was the best word to describe it. Your hair was messy, your bangs falling in your face in a way it only looked after an intense flight. One of your eyes was swollen shut, and the rest of your face was battered. Your bottom lip was split and bleeding, the blood oozing out sluggishly and staining your chin crimson. That was only your face; the rest of your body was probably just as bruised and injured.

Go, he heard Sliseag urge. Go to her now. She needs you, Ashling.

He broke out of his trance; he couldn’t run fast enough to get to you, his legs moving on what felt like autopilot. Gods. What did they do to you?

You held up a hand when he neared you. “I’m fine,” you whispered hoarsely. “I…It looks worse than it feels.”

Sliseag made a noise of disapproval in his mind. I doubt that.

Sawyer, in that moment, felt almost scared to touch you, as if putting his fingers anywhere would shatter you like glass.

Finally, he found his voice. “What the hell happened to you?” he murmured, wincing at how sick he sounded. His eyes traced your face; you still looked gorgeous as ever, but just looking at your good eye made his heart wrench.

“We,” you began, faltering as you fell forward a bit. Sawyer caught you with ease, splaying a hand on your back as you leaned into him. “We had RSC. I…I didn’t expect for it to be so…awful.”

You looked down, and Sawyer made a soft sound of protest as he lifted your chin back up to face his. Skies above, he thought. He’d seen you injured before, obviously – there was no avoiding that at Basgiath. But this…

“Oh, darling,” he murmured, ghosting a kiss on your forehead. “I’m so sorry. You…You haven’t been to the infirmary yet?”

You shook your head. “No. I saw a clock and remembered we agreed to meet up. Wanted to see you first.”

Oh, he thought. Damn you, you sweet, sweet girl. Damn you and your loveliness. 

He sighed quietly, glancing at the sky. It was getting close to dusk, which meant that the infirmary was probably winding down for the day. His gaze flitted back down to your trembling form, his heart aching.

“Do you want to go?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound pushy. “I’m sure your friend is still there; she’d be willing–”

His voice trailed off when you vehemently shook your head. “No,” you said softly. “Not now. Can we…Can we just go to yours?”

At that moment, with you looking up at him hopefully, your good eye wide but exhausted, Sawyer would have given you just about anything. 

He nodded, perhaps a little too hard. “Of course, darling. Just hold on to me. I don’t trust your legs right now.”

The pained smile you gave him twists his heart. “I don’t, either.”

It took a little while, but the two of you finally made it to his dorm in relative silence, save for the pained gasps and whimpers that occasionally fell from your swollen lips. The whole time, Sawyer was clenching his teeth. It didn’t matter that RSC was something that happened to everyone – not even his injuries hadn’t looked this rough.

He sat you down gently on his bed. He didn’t want to leave you, not when you looked that beat up, but he pushed that aside to grab the little box of medical supplies you kept in his room for when he was beat up after sparring. If you weren’t huddled beside him looking more fragile than he’d ever seen you, he would have made a joke about it.

You’d already removed your jacket and shirt, leaving your torso bare save for the bindings you always wore. Sawyer relaxed for a moment before he took note of your ribs, black and blue bruising rippling up both sides. Save for that, though, and other bruising and – Gods forbid, handprints – you honestly didn’t look too terrible.

He brushed your bangs away from your face, tilting your chin up so he could assess the damage. “Have you tried mending yourself?”

You sighed, sounding almost disappointed in yourself. “No. I’ve never tried that, but it won’t work, anyway. I tried to mend Anya’s arm after it got dislocated, but it didn’t work. I’m either terrible with my signet, or the injury was too bad, or–”

He cut you off before you could delve deeper into self-doubt. “No,” he assured you, taking a wet rag and wiping the blood on your chin. “They tampered with your water. It’s supposed to dull your signet and cut you off from your dragon to feel more realistic.”

Your lips formed an O in realization. “So that’s why I couldn’t feel Cridhe,” you mumbled, hissing in pain once he actually touched your lip. “I got worried there for a while.”

He nodded, ducking his head lower to check the area around your neck. There was an angry red line around your throat; someone had tried to choke you, he assumed. Bastard.

“I know,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. “When they took me, the serum didn’t wear off for about a day. I thought Sliseag randomly chose to hate me or something.”

The aforementioned scoffed softly. As if, Ashling, he muttered. I didn’t choose you just to leave you behind.

The words warmed Sawyer’s heart long enough that your silence didn’t bother him for the next few minutes while he looked you over.

He only paused when you spoke softly, your voice faint. “I…think I have a concussion,” you mumble. “The light hurts, and I’m dizzy.”

A tight-lipped smile fought its way onto Sawyer’s face. “Trust you to diagnose yourself barely an hour after it happens.”

You don’t respond, prompting Sawyer to lean back up and look into your eyes. Sure enough, your pupils were unfocused and exhausted. Smart girl.

He opened his mouth to make another little quip, only for it to die on his tongue once you leaned into his side.

“Tired?” he prompted you gently. A soft hum from you confirmed his suspicions, and he hesitated for a moment before relenting. He could carry you to Nolan or a healer in the morning, after you slept the night away.

He looked away for a moment, and you had somehow managed to snag a random shirt off his floor and slip it on. His eyes softened, and he reached over to help you out of your pants and under his covers. You looked so…unusually small in his bed, curled in on yourself like a flower without the sun to warm it. He didn’t even bother to change out of his uniform, opting to kick off his boots and leave himself in his undershirt as he settled next to you. You slowly unfurled from your tense position and rested your head on his chest. Pure bliss.

You both lay there in silence for what seemed like hours before Sawyer found his voice again, feeling weirdly sentimental. “I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you don’t want to talk about it.”

Your silence was an answer enough.

“Thought so,” he murmured. “That’s okay. We don’t have to. Just…I hope you know that I’ll never let that happen to you when the time comes. Whoever it was, they’d have to kill me first to get to you.”

More silence from you. Sawyer thought for a moment that you fell asleep, but his eyes popped back open once he heard your weary voice.

“Sawyer?”

“Yes, darling?”

A beat. Two beats.

“Thank you for this. I didn’t want to be anywhere besides here.”

…You don’t have to thank me, he thinks, a pained smile tugging at his mouth. I’d do anything and more for you, anyway.

[liplinerloser]

The coffin of Andy and Leyley

A long term relationship with either of them

(Spoilers for Decay Route, It’s a long one! My requests are open <3)

Minors DNI

Andrew Graves

He meets you in high school, when he could still be bothered to talk to people. You sit next to him in an English class, he catches you with your head in your hands after it’s over, and despite not knowing you or really giving a fuck about you, he bites. Asking if you were okay was apparently the wrong answer because you start sobbing.

At this point he’s ready to walk away, but he can hear through your tears that you’re struggling with your grades, and it’s all gone to shit. That peaks his interest, Andrew ‘academic validation’ Graves knows exactly what that feels like. Begrudgingly he asks if he can help you, seeing you perk up at the thought. He ends up keeping you around for reasons he can’t understand.

He’s attracted to vulnerability, although he would never admit it, it makes him feel more secure in his own abundance of issues. If he’s smarter than you it also makes him feel like the superior one in the relationship that you can rely on.

Doing an English degree, he’s obviously poetically romantic when he wants to be, writing you your own sonnets, or ranting on and on about the historical context fuelling an authors writing career while playing mindlessly with your hair. He’ll take a lot of candid pictures of you to keep just for himself.

Andrew uses relationships outside of his obvious family unit to distract from said family unit, and convince the barely functioning moral compass ticking at the back of his mind that he is normal, he’s proving it by being with you, and loving you, and wanting you. No matter how many times your touch makes his skin crawl with inexplicable guilt

You notice bizarrely he never seems to have much time for you, you’d heard from a friend of a friend, Julia was it? That was the norm for him, though she seemed reluctant to get into details. You’re sympathetic to your boyfriend, maybe he’s busy or has a difficult home life.

he introduces you to the only other person in his life, his little sister, “the bane of his existence”, the fire of his loins, lovingly nicknamed Leyley. You inquired about the parents but alas, they weren’t in the picture god rest their souls.

To absolutely no one’s surprise, she hates your fucking guts. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man, a woman, or anything on the spectrum; the sight of you with her Andy makes her viciously nauseous, and she seeks to correct it at once.

Your time with Andrew will constantly be cut short, with Ashley feigning illness, fear of being home alone, desperate help for homework, or just missing her older brother. It doesn’t matter what she says, as soon as it’s said he could hardly throw a glance in your direction. Clearly if you make it long term you always enable this behaviour alongside him

Ashley will give you the girlfriend special. Blowing up your phone with god awful messages at a god awful time at night, sending you hundreds of letters, hell you’re sure you saw her in your window at night! Her pink eyes staring daggers into you. But alas Andrew is blind to his sisters actions, it can’t be her, are you saying she’s capable of such things?! How could you. And somehow by the end of the conversation, you’re apologising to him.

Any speaking ill of Leyley will not be tolerated, he raised her. Even if she can be a self proclaimed bitch at times, she’s his, and in his eyes you’re replaceable. During the relationship you’ll have to deal with both her abuse and his.

The rare times you do get him alone without Leyleys disturbance, you get to be in the presence of Andrew as opposed to Andy. His repressed fears and upfront attitude, a harsh 360 from the character he masquerades for the sake of his sister. He’s soft with you, gentle small gestures such as tucking stray hair behind your ears, or stroking his thumb across your knuckles while he holds your hand. You can’t shake the feeling though that he’s hiding something darker from you.

Once he realises you’re serious about the relationship and don’t have any issues with Leyley become a complete pushover just like Andy He tries to involve you more, to the point you basically live with the siblings in the apartment.

You notice some, unsavoury behaviour between the two, with Andrew perpetrating it, such as walking in on Andrew sleeping with his sister, coddling her like a teddy bear. Upon seeing you walk into the room his eyes flew open, sitting swiftly up before quickly explaining the “panic attack situation”.

It was bullshit. You weren’t stupid, he knew you weren’t stupid. But you loved him, and if you make it far enough in the relationship, he manages to work into your brain and guilt you into thinking it’s just a unique element of their sibling dynamic. Hell what would you know, even if you had siblings it’s just not the same

Where most people would’ve seen his manipulative side rear it’s ugly head, and tear loose of this creep, he manages to get to you. He gets you so fucking good, right where he wants you, with your stomach exposed and vulnerable that you feel like apologising for even getting Involved! You’re not so lucky as the one before you, nobody is going to pull you out, and you certainly can’t help yourself.

Andrew is passively abusive, to both you and Ashley; he’s passive aggressive, and gives you whiplash with his contradictory behaviour, sometimes using his bad moods to emotionally manipulate you into doing whatever he wants. Even the times you think he’s doing what you want, it’s usually because it serves him.

Andrew is smart, he knows it, but he’s not smart enough to admit he’s also capable of being a terrible person while also being a victim. The times you try to address his negative behavior he withdraws from you completely, before coming back due to his physical needs.

As much as he doesn’t feel the true love for you he knows should be burning in his chest, he needs you. He needs you for a sense of normalcy, for your comforting grasp and honeyed words, because without that he has nothing else to stop him from snapping. So you’re very important to the Grave duos coexistence.

Once it gets to a certain point in the longevity of the relationship, Andrew will feel like he needs something permanent to tie you down, especially if he becomes increasingly suspicious of you leaving. He’s not above baby trapping you to keep you exactly where he needs you. Besides, he raised Leyley, what’s one more.

Following from that he probably has a breeding kink, he likes the idea of something like a baby keeping you tethered to him permanently. Just like how his parents tried to shake him and failed, you’d never be free from him.

Andrew uses sex as a stress relief, in a similar bracket to the cigarettes. He’s fucked enough to know what he likes, and that’s all that matters.

He’s not particularly intimate, In the traditional sense, he’s hypersexual so he fucks a lot, but don’t expect him to lovingly gaze down at you while he pounds you into the pillow.

He knows your body inside out, knows what makes you tick, where you’re sensitive and what gets you moaning like a bitch. He knows how to work his tongue and have you crying to the ceiling forgetting any other problems you had.

You noticed he comes to you for sex a lot particularly after he argues with Ashley, you always just assumed he was Pent up and it was his way of dealing with stress.

When it all comes to an end I think there’s only two ways you’d be around to stay with Andrew, if he hasn’t already indulged in his sister and descended to the final layer of hell.

Either you know about Ashley with all that entails, and you choose to stay despite it all, then you allow Andrew to live his fantasy’s inside the house, and play a normal life when he leaves those four walls with you. You become his front, and to an extent, he can love you for that.

Or he has snapped, killed Ashley, and before he can kill himself, you walk in. You and your gummy spine help him dispose of her body, and then you become her replacement. You’ll start to notice gradually Andrew dresses you more often, in outfits following the formula of shorts, boots, some sort of sleeveless top, and a choker. He does your hair for you, a low messy ponytail. Eventually whatever your name was doesn’t matter anymore, you’re not you, you’re Ashley! His beloved Ashley, his dear sweet Ashley, His Ashley.

Cant stay like that forever though, his soul craves her, and you’re not her.

Ashley Graves

Unlike Andrew, Ashley makes no effort to get closer to you, because she knows there’s no point.

There was a time in her life that she had wanted to be social, wanted friends outside of Andrew and that bitch Julia ; but Everytime she tried to talk to new people it felt like an overbearing shadow loomed over her. The girls she did talk to were uncomfortable with her brother, and the guys didn’t even talk to her, they already knew the crack.

A lot of the reason her attachment to Andy was allowed to fester is because of this rotting social life. But you can change that.

You meet her through Andrew, specifically being part of his friend group during school, though closer to the other guys, you thought he was… nice? He’d decided to invite all of you over to continue their card game match. The issue is he hadn’t mentioned you being the new addition, thinking it pointless

Ashley being Ashley was seething, smoke steaming from her nose, blood shot eyes seething. Why hadn’t Andrew mentioned you?! Was he hiding something. And who was this floozie trying to take him away from her!

Ashley couldn’t hold on long with you in the apartment before having an outburst in front of the whole group, in turn making them uncomfortable; all the guys opted to go to someone else’s house to continue, but you couldn’t help worry for Ashley. Andrew assured you it was one of her Temper tantrums and walked off in a huff.

Following her into her room, you find her crumpled on the floor infront of her made bed, head stuffed down into the bedsheets, as sobs wracked her frame, your heart ached for the poor girl. You wondered what could have hurt her so much

“G-go away!! You’re just like the others hussies tryna steal him away from me! W-well you wont be able to, I won’t let you!” She shot up, despite the height difference clearly trying to intimidate you.

Oh! That was all it was! She was just a jealous younger sister scared of her brother having too many friends and not spending time with her anymore. A smile graced your face as you pulled her into a hug, she fought back like a wild raccoon but eventually warmed up to it. “I’d never steal your brother from you, Ashley. He loves you so much, I’m sure of it!”, unaware of the full extent of their relationship you felt confident in your statement.

It was enough to get Ashley’s tears to dry, and a small smirk on her face, you’d heard Andrew complain about her in the brotherly way, but she seemed like a little sweetheart!

Over the years you grew away from Andrew, went to different universities, did different courses, he split from the friend group where you stayed in touch. But you did end up getting closer to Ashley.

She felt relieved to have someone outside of Andrew that wasn’t also competing for his interest like Julia, and you didn’t judge her for anything!

She confided all the bullshit her parents did, or do, even the arguments she had with Andrew, expecting you to be fully on her side like she had gotten used to with Andy. But you weren’t, you were honest with her, told her things she needed to hear to be better, and yeah she fucking hated it, wouldn’t talk for a while.

But eventually the phone would ring, in a small voice she would mention how she apologised, or made up and moved on.

She felt different than she did with you than when she hung out with Andy, there wasn’t a pit that sat heavy in her stomach, a guilty gnawing feeling. She enjoyed sleep overs at your house when her parents were particularly overbearing, the relief of getting away from it, even Andrew bizarrely

Ashley always likes her affections for someone to be affirmed, oftentimes through physical touch and words of affirmation. She’s relieved she doesn’t have to force this out of you, you enjoy her company, her snarky remarks about people and her perspective. She takes comfort in cuddling with you on the couch watching some shitty tv and making a running commentary of it, something she stopped doing because it pissed Andrew off.

Ashley tells you the secret that’s “weighed on her soul” since she was a kid. About what happened to what’s-her-face. You’re dumbfounded that she was capable of something like that, but seeing the tears streaming down her face made you think otherwise, even if the sobs conveniently stopped when you held her. You felt awful thinking she lived with such a heavy action from when she was a child, with nobody to comfort her, but disgust overwhelmed your senses at the nature of the act. Locked in a box, in the dark, she probably cried for her mom in her last moments. But she isn’t here, Ashley is, and it’s Ashley’s pitiful expression you’re forced to gaze back at. Did she feel guilt of her constant rotting?

She’s surprised you don’t do anything about the Nina secret considering you knew Julia, her closest friend; she had assumed after worming it out of her you’d hold it over her head forever, forcing her to bend for you. But unlike others in the past you don’t, you don’t blackmail her or ignore it for bigger issues, you’re simply there for her, rather than for something from her.

Don’t get her wrong though, as soft as she can appear, shes just as capable of being manipulative as Andrew when it serves her. you were ruined by this secret too, bonded together with her by it forever.

Ashley’s attitude as a whole is a lot harder to shift than just with the power of friendship. It’s fucking draining. She will always find a way to start an argument, screaming that you don’t care about her and you don’t put effort in, then if you respond she blames her inadequacies, and how she’s a “terrible woman”. You try not to indulge these, rather hugging her, asking her to talk when she’s calmer, and leaving. It’s clearly insecurity and you want to help her rather than hinder her or feed into it like some people-

Unlike Andrew, a relationship with her doesn’t revolve around sex, At least on the terms of her wanting it. She would much rather get validation through other actions towards her, and if you use her you’re no different than other people. If you’re going to do it, be gentle with her, that’s all she wants.

However, despite not wanting anything from you physically, she can be quite mentally draining to be around, even she’s aware of this. She’s grateful you ‘put up with her’, she’ll never tell you that though! Hehe

She’s the type of person who enjoys having something personal to someone, like having inside jokes nobody gets, or matching bracelets. She’ll absolutely make those ugly mismatched bff bracelets and expect you to wear it like it’s woven with gold.

The only other person she’s ever had that kind of relationship with is Andrew, and having it with you made her feel so… normal?

Unfortunately in the end, Ashley is a product of her upbringing by Andrew, all her behaviours and irrational fears, her attachments, they were all planted far too early on for you to even fathom changing them. No matter how long you stay by her side, treat her like an individual rather than a concept, care for her with your full heart, she cannot help crawl back to Andrew. It’s in her blood.

Nobody gets her like he does, and you’ll never know her fully unless you know the ins and outs of him too; an impossible task. Andrew knows this too, the off times you see him in public he smirks, as if he’s won over you.

She’ll keep talking to you, but gradually the phone calls lessen, there’s no silly notes or clothes left around your place, it’s as if all traces of her have been erased. She is fully absorbed by Andrew, she’ll never be yours, she never was.

Maybe you can slow her decay, but you can’t stop the inevitable.

[boypussylegendary]

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HYUN JU (player 120) FROM SQUID GAME!!!

I don't mean to project onto her but oh my lord the trans experience that I see portrayed through her hits so hard. Every behavior she does I can recognize because I feel the same damn thing. Spoilers ahead!!!

Talking about mirrors first, every time we see her in a mirror she's fixing her hair, like in the scene where everyone's taking pictures, plays with her hair to make it frame her face in a way she deems more feminine. She does the same thing in the bathroom scene, she messes with her bangs while she stares at the mirror with a defeated expression on her face. Her obsession with her appearance is subtle but so relatable especially in a trans context, she probably doesn't mean to hyperfocus on it but she can't help it!! When you're trans your outer appearance is the quickest way to convey your identity to this world and when it doesn't align with who you are inside, people start to assign an identity to you that is innacurate and uncomfortable. I'm on episode five and so far they've managed to convey that without saying it which I find very impressive. Though that detail probably requires context and lived experience.

The next thing is the hackey sack game, it was the kicking one in the rainbow race room or whatever, episode five. She explains it later but when she asked everyone to look away, it wasn't just performance anxiety, it was a fear of being percieved. I know from experience that it's almost impossible to do anything in front of a crowd when you're visibly trans because all you can focus on is what everyone else is thinking. Using myself as an example, I can hardly sing in front of a crowd, I'm a theatre kid, I've been to karaoke nights, I love to sing but despite that it's terrifying to do for me because all I can think about is other people's thoughts, "Isn't that the trans kid? They look like shit, why do they dress like that? They're hair looks awful, why can't they just be normal?" It paralyzing sometimes. Back to Hyun ju, she literally has everyone turn away because she can't focus on a life threatening game if she's percieved like that, and she explains that in the episode!! And she's not totally wrong either!! The older woman literally says she's unsightly in the previously mentioned camera scene, and she is turned away by groups of men in the rainbow race game because of how she looks!! Good god I've felt that in my elective PE class in my senior year. It's exhausting and I'm so glad it's touched on because I feel like that topic is never mentioned in trans media. It's always, 'I have to make a name for myself to prove to other trans people that we can do it,' and while that's not a terrible narative, it's very noble, but it's hardly relatable and that's why I love Hyun ju. Yes she is a very noble character, she helps save a man's life in the first game, but it isn't 'in the name of young trans kids everywhere,' she can convey the trans experience without being famous.

[farfromstrange]

Fictober Day 28 & 29: Face-Fucking & Roleplaying/Religion Kink

Fictober Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Prompt: Face-Fucking & Roleplaying/Religion Kink (✨)

Summary: Sometimes, you and Matt roleplay one of his 'darker' fantasies. Or to fuel his Catholic guilt, at least.

Warnings: Smut (18+), religion kink, roleplay (priest!Matt), blasphemy, fetishizing Matt's cross necklace, mentions of hair pulling, oral m!receiving, face-fucking, PWP

Word Count: 1.1k

A/n: If using catholicism in a very not-Christian context is not your cup of tea, don't read this! I once again decided to put two prompts together because my original idea for the roleplaying prompt included face-fucking, too, and I didn't want to write two similar pieces. It was a creative decision.

Read Me On AO3! (coming soon, once all prompts are posted)

The sun has long set over New York City.

A disarray of neon lights from the billboard outside casts a dark red glow over the bedroom, dancing like fireflies over your skin. The tingle travels from your head to your weeping core, though you physically can’t clench your thighs for the kind of friction you have been craving all night. 

You kneel before his dark person, wrists bound with delicate knots before your bare chest, ankles crossed behind you. Seven words, you utter. 

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

Not daring to lift your head, you can only imagine the stripe of white in his collar that makes him look so innocent; a priest taking your confession like a true servant of God. Like your penance won’t be his cock between your swollen lips while your pussy aches for his touch rather than a few Hail Marys. 

Confession with Father Murdock is the sweetest kind of torture known to you, and the only one you will tolerate. 

“It’s been…a while since my last confession,” you say. 

Without a word, Matthew tilts your chin up to meet his unfocused stare, wanting to taste every single word coming from your lips like honey. 

You lean into his touch. “I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”

“Bad how?” he asks. 

“I’ve been fantasizing about a man of God.”

“Fantasizing?”

“Dreaming of him,” you confess, “but the dreams I’ve been having are so unbelievably naughty.”

He bites back a smirk. “And who’s this man of God?”

Without hesitation, you answer, “You, Father.”

The light flickers. He traces the outline of your lips with the pad of his thumb, coaxing you to open. You’re drooling already. His skin tastes of salt and the beer he spilled earlier, but to you, he tastes like the most exquisite meal—salvation. 

You suck the digit into your wet, hot mouth, circling your tongue around it. Matt exhales a gasp of surprise, though he quickly recovers as he pushes down on your tongue, gently but with a determination that leaves your cunt aching. With the other hand, he undoes his trousers.

Your heart skips a beat at the sight of his hard cock standing tall against his clothed stomach. You want to reach out and touch the veins running along the underside of his shaft. You want him to fuck you until you can’t stand straight anymore. You want his cock to be branded into the tight walls of your pussy so you’ll forget every other man who has ever dared to touch you. You want to be so full of his cum that he’ll leave your thighs sticky for days to come.

“There’s only one thing you can do,” Matthew murmurs, gliding the leaking tip of his cock over your lips, a small taste for you to savor. 

You moan, involuntarily so, but one harsh thrust of his hips causes the air to bleed out of your lungs.

“Atone,” and he buries his cock deep in your throat. The feeling is as familiar as it is alien. 

Through hooded and teary eyes, you see the soul leave his wound-up body. A demon leaving the body of a priest. The sight of that stupid thin piece of white fabric constricting his otherwise black collar as he bares his long, pale neck to you, all the while still wearing that god-awful golden crucifix of sin has you clenching around nothing but thin air, and you wrap your lips around his cock in a vice-grip. 

Matt groans. “Forgive me,” you hear, his voice breathy as it breaks through the thick air.

You don’t tell him to stop. He fucks into your mouth with the force of a proper madman, but it only makes you moan louder around him.

You’re the one atoning for your sins, but he is the one praying not to the one God he believes in but to you. He asks for your forgiveness for doing something he deems so absolutely and selfishly wrong; fucking your mouth without giving you an ounce of appreciation back. Using you. 

His teeth grit with every harsh thrust as you gag and gush around him, but God, he can’t stop. So, he prays. He prays because that’s the only thing he knows how to do.

He doesn’t need to beg for forgiveness when you’re the sinner on your knees, but you can’t help that it makes your pussy flutter, still. You, his goddess, and the altar he prays at. You, the woman who let him dress up as a priest and use her to live out his most perverted religious fantasies whenever he pleases. Because in the end, Father Murdock is your favorite role of his, and you’d gladly confess to treason if it means he will take you apart like this over and over again until the day your body can’t take it anymore.

Matt Murdock’s utmost devotion is yours and yours alone, always has been and always will be.

Spit trickles down your chin. The only sounds coming from you are grunts and gurgles, but he’s loud enough for the both of you. You’re afraid if you hear any more of his sweet moans he might have to scrape you off the floor, liquified. 

Suddenly though, the salty weight of his cock disappears, leaving your mouth wet and empty. 

“Wh–” you stutter.

“You’re gonna be sore,” he chokes out.

You look sternly up at him. “But this is my penance, F–” You stop yourself before you can utter the honorific again. “I can take it. I have to.”

He utters your name, and for a moment, his mask slips.

“Forgive me, Father,” you repeat, “but I have been a bad, bad girl. By God’s rules, I have to atone for my sins.”

Matthew lets out a guttural growl and his expression changes. “God, yes,” he says, no longer hesitating to thrust back in. Seconds stretch into hours, it seems. “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father,” thrust, “the Son,” thrust, “and the holy spirit.”

Your throat has well grown numb by now, his prayer resonating in your ringing ears, and with the eagerness of a new woman, you swallow every last drop of his cum as he finally bursts on your tongue with a strangled, “Amen,” to the ceiling above—to God.

For once you are glad that he can’t see you or he would surely shudder at the mess he made of you. “Thank you, Father,” you croak. 

The curtain falls. The play comes to a sudden yet inevitable end. You raise your head in his lap. He looks so blissed out, so…guilty? Maybe only a little.

“I’m okay,” he answers before you can ask.

A silly smile grows on your cum-stained lips. “I am, too.”

In one swift motion, he has untied your wrists, and he pulls you with him onto the edge of the bed, his arms offering a safe haven from the cold hardwood floors, and you once again come to appreciate the force of a man you had the honor of marrying. 

For even when he is reduced to a mindless, overstimulated puddle, he takes the last ounce of his strength to carry you, always.

@ebathory997 @the-b33skn33s @scoliobean @drmeghanjones @lanae111 @steve-chandler @lucienofthelakes @xnatyx @gpenguin666 @linamarr @mcugeekposts @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @sya-skies @amberritonicole @ravenclaw617 @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-gir1-has-n0-name @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife @trublu2u @zomtart @ethereal-blaze

[reinawritesstuff]

First Kisses Are Hard

featuring: rindou haitani x fem!reader notes: if I have to start a blog as a means to fangirl over men I like, might as well start with this beautiful human being

Summary: sometimes taking that first step is harder than it seems

Discover who your crush is: ✅ Ask her out: ✅ Kiss her after the first date: ❌

It should've been simple, easy, a no-brainer- yet how in the world did he mess this up? Rindou had the perfect plan in mind on how he wanted to kiss you. He figured all girls had their idea of a perfect date, which resulted in the night ending with a kiss at the front step of the house. Seemed simple in hindsight. No way he could mess up with this game plan yielding high success. How does he know this you might ask? Read it from a Cosmopolitan magazine he secretly bought prior to the date with the hopes of impressing you.

"fuuuuck..." Rindou let out a groan as he slumped to his feet as soon as he got back home.

"Ah Rindou, you're back!" Rin walked out of his room with a towel in hand, as he attempted to dry his hair. "How did the date go?"

"Awful, just awful" he sighed as he had his face in his hands, trying to hide himself away from the world. "I fucked up so badly"

Ran raised his eyebrow as he looked at his brother still lying on the floor. "right...well, why don't you pick yourself up from the floor, sit on the couch, and tell me what happened."

Rindou sighed, moving to the couch as he slouched against it, further highlighting his will to live. Ran rolled his eyes at the dramaticism displayed by his brother. Kid these days, he thought to himself. "So?"

"I ruined the perfect date plan I had for us," Rindou said, adding nothing further to his statement. Ran's face dropped out of annoyance. "Need a little more context there Rin. Try again from the start."

"Right, so I had this great plan set for us. Food, talking, walking her home once it got late...and just right when I was about to kiss her before she went in, I chickened out. I chickened out. Me! She was waiting for me to kiss her...and you know what I did? Patted her on the shoulder, told her to have a nice night, and left. I left her there!"

Ran bit back a laugh, not realizing that the story would be more amusing than it already was. "Oh...I see. That is...unfortunate."

"She is going to break up with me. My god. I'm going to be the guy whose girlfriend broke up with him because he couldn't kiss her. What if she finds someone who can kiss her? Holy shit- Why didn't I just kiss her?" Rindou rambled in panic at his newfound realization.

"Rindou. Rindou...calm down. She's not going to break up with you. I think you're just jumping the gun at this point" Ran tried to calm him down, albeit trying not to laugh at him. "You're making it sound like you guys never kissed before." Rindou stayed silent at his words, making Ran raise his eyebrow at him. "You have...right?"

Rindou sighed and shook his head "I was waiting for the right moment. I read that girls want their first kisses to be memorable so I planned things so that it would be good enough." Ran cocked his head to the side, taking him his brother's words. "I didn't take you for quite the romanticist there. Sounds like something you'd see in movies."

"Whatever- the point is I didn't do it and I know she must be judging me for it." Rindou continued with a groan. "How am I supposed to face her tomorrow?" Ran shook his head as he threw his towel at him. "Just shut up and cool down for a moment, why don't 'cha? It's not that big of a deal. You'll get more chances; and if it bothers you that much, just talk to her about it. If she is the girl you say she is, she'll get it no question. If she doesn't, she ain't the one for you. It's that simple." Ran spoke with a shrug, getting up from his seat "Now if you excuse me, I'm drying my hair and then going to bed."

Rindou stayed silent taking in his brother's words. He won't admit it but surprisingly the wet towel did cool him down, even though he almost instantly wasn't happy with the fact his clothes and hair were now wet. "I'm gonna go see her..." he said with a mumble, getting up himself and leaving the apartment to go see her.

Arriving at your place, Rindou rang your doorbell and waited for you to open it. Even though he was nervous, the excitement of still getting to see you was there.

After what seemed like a moment, the door opened and there you stood staring at him in surprise "Rindou? What are you doing here?" You asked him, not expecting to see you here. "Missed me already? you know, it's just been an hour right?" You continued with a tease.

"I know...I just wanted to see you" He said with his ears starting to turn red. He wasn't expecting to see you in pajamas and how cute they looked on you.

"Did something happen? Do you want to come in?" You frowned taking in how nervous he looked.

"Ah no! I just wanted to apologize to you about today-" He said awkwardly, his hand rubbing against his neck as he looked at you. "Apologize? for what?" You asked him. "Today was a lot of fun so not sure what you mean. Were we meant to go somewhere else?"

"Oh no, no. That was all part of the plan, but when I was supposed to take you home...I was supposed to well you know, kiss you and stuff." Rindou admitted, his cheeks betraying how cool he wanted to portray himself to be.

Before you knew it, you burst out into laughter. "Is that what that was? I knew you were acting strange but I didn't realize that's what you were trying to do. That's very cute of you Rin"

"So...you're not mad?" He asked quietly

You responded by tugging on his shirt, pulling him closer to you as you kissed him on his lips yourself. "Never. I love every part of today, including this moment right here."

Rindou was caught off guard by your sudden boldness and yet all he could think was about how soft your lips were. He placed his fingers under your chin, tilting your face up towards him. "Good, because there's more of that coming soon." He said softly before kissing you himself.

[yugsly]

Hey uhhh. Sorry if this is too spoilery. So that Zine. Mentioning Capochin. THE FULL ON EMO EXCLUSIVE.

Do you think Capochin and [Redacted] improve together? They got a lot of work to do?? Is it okay for them to be together?

I wanna know MORE and I just. People are SCARED for Capochin myself included uhhhh.

PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS

Hey, before I say anything- I know they're mine and Day's characters, but anything I talk about related to "post-game" or context not in-game is still "speculation". Meaning, not necessarily canon unless it was something recorded in dev-text or something I specifically had in mind while creating it, not after. I would never want to snuff out anyone's own ideas for what things "mean". THAT BEING SAID, I have some things to say- DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE GAME:

So, It's pretty complicated and I've thought about it a lot during and after making the game. Hector's got to do a LOT of work to even earn Capochin's forgiveness, if he'll even give it to him. (if most anyone will give it to him, really.) It's a silly cartoon game but yes, the situation is pretty grim. I mean, you've seen that cooking video Capo made. You've seen what he said when you faced him at the end of the line. All those implications. Without getting into specifics, yeah, the situation was really, really bad. But it's complex. It's not black and white. Hector and Capo knew eachother for a long long time even before Hector became Inspekta (a nosy person might have noticed the news clippings in Milldread). So they go way back- and I imagine things were pretty great up until, and a good ways into Hector ascending. But you know, there was a certain turning point- leading to where he ended up. Razzma speaks on this a bit, throughout. (Razzma has a lot of interesting background tidbits, explore giving her different phrases!) Him realizing that becoming a god didn't solve his insecurities like he thought they might... and more... I won't elaborate too much, because I want you to imagine it yourself. I only want to spread a few bread crumbs and let you make up your minds, even if I have my own thoughts, you know? Your question: "Is it okay for them to be together?" Well, that's up to you to decide. It's okay to imagine whatever you want. Capo forgives Hector eventually? Great. He never forgives him? Also Great! Do I wish I had more time in-game to elaborate on these things? Sure, I do. There's a handful of things I'd love to have explored. But I also like that it's open ended- you can tell, at the end, even though the day was saved, Hector and Capo feel awful. Sure, Capochin gave him that confidence boost to save the day- nothing he said was a lie- it was just the right thing to do in the moment. But you know, they don't really get a chance to really hash it out. It allows for y'all to really brainstorm, the world is your oyster. Whatever you come up with- be kind to eachother and respect eachother's ideas, okay?

[awriterinthenight]

"Is Anyone Else Joining?"-Five Hargreeves

requested: anonymous

words: 954 (sorry its short, might do a part 2 though)

warnings: bickering, siblings inviting themself, swearing, Klaus mentions something about hating gay people (its really funny in context and in character I swear), they also throw things at Five, idk but this was really funny like I laughed the whole time, its so funny and I might do a part two

summary: Five and reader plan a trip, but the Hargreeves siblings just have to crash it

Alone was a word you could not use to describe the Hargreeves siblings. Anywhere one went, another went, then another, then Klaus shows up, so then Ben shows up, and then its a family reunion at that point.

All you and Five wanted was for a day or two alone together, but his siblings had other plans. Your trip was just you two driving a few towns over to go see a museum you were dying to see. The drive there was half a day, so you would drive there, check into the hotel and sleep, then go to the museum the next morning, then drive home that night. It was very simple till the rest of the Hargreeves showed up.

"You got everything?" Five asked, leaning against the driver's side of the car, the car keys in his hand.

You threw your bag with all your clothes and everything you needed into the trunk, "That should be it, you ready to go?" You asked, opening the passenger door to get in the car.

Five followed after, "Do we really need all that? It's only two days," Five said, starting the car.

"You can never be over prepared," you stated, not seeing anything wrong with the two bags you packed for a two day trip.

"I would argue you can be overprepared, which you are," he argued back. This started a small banter between you two, not yet having left the house. You both continued to bicker until a voice startled you.

"As much as I love a little lovers quarrel, let's get this show on the road. Me and Benerino over here are excited to see where we're going."

Of course it was Klaus who was trying to ruin your trip. He managed to sneak his way into the car when you two weren't looking. And of course if he was going, so was Ben.

"Get out, Klaus," Five yelled at him, annoyed at him ruining everything.

You decided to take a nicer approach to getting Klaus to leave, "He's right Klaus, this just a two of us trip. Plus you don't even have a bag packed," you told him.

"That's where you're wrong, my psycho brother's lover. I do have a bag," he claimed, pulling out a child's backpack, "So let's go before I get hungry and have to pee again."

There seemed to be no way to get Klaus to leave, but the two of you kept trying. Unfortunately for you Diego entered the car for some god awful reason.

"Now what are you doing here?" Five complained, hitting the back of his head against the headrest in annoyance.

"Klaus said you guys were going on a trip, thought why not make it a double date, me and Lila haven't been out in awhile," he explained, but something wasn't quite right about his explanation.

You squinted your eyes at him, "Oh really, you haven't been out in so long, so you just decided to crash our trip?" you questioned.

Diego quickly broke though, "Fine," he said, admitting defeat, "I promised Lila I would take her forever ago, but I forgot, so I'm tagging along, and neither of you will tell her anything."

"Great, so our trip is now victim to my brother's dumbness," Five continued to complain, "Is anyone else joining, or can we go now."

As if the universe itself needed to annoy Five even more, Allison entered the van sitting in the third row, "Who's ready for a family vacation," she shouted, making Five groan as you held in your laughter, "What's wrong with him?"

Klaus spoked up first to explain, "Apparently this was supposed to be a "just the two of them trip", but it's going to be so much more fun with us."

"Wait, you told me this was a family trip?" Allison uttered, confused about what was happening.

Five had his head in his hands, already wanting this trip to be over, "Why me?"

As if this already ruined trip needed more people, Luther and Viktor entered the car after the trunk was slammed shut, "We're lucky we caught you, we thought you left without us," Luther said, entering the van.

"This museum seems pretty cool, you have good taste Y/N," Viktor complimented, making you let out a small chuckle.

Once Lila entered the van, sitting next to Diego, Five asked for the final time, "Is that everyone or is the Pope joining us too?"

"I would love it if he did. I have so many questions for him. First off, why do they hate gays-," Klaus started, but was cutoff by Five.

"I will kick you out of this car, if you don't stop talking," he said, now grouchy from the turn of events.

Klaus just put his hands up, acting all innocent, "Wow, someone's grouchy, this is supposed to be a fun family trip, don't be so negative," he said, acting super dramatic.

"Yeah, don't be a dick," Lila shouted at him, throwing some sort of snack she was eating at him. Which started a chorus of 'don't be an asshole' 'this is supposed to be fun' and the favorite 'my tummy is rumbly' from Klaus, who ate the snack thrown at Five that ended up on the floor.

Five let out a long sigh, "This is going to be a long trip," he whispered under his breath, only loud enough for you to hear, making you laugh. Five might've been annoyed that your trip got ruined, but seeing you laugh put a small smile on his face. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad. Minimum it would be a good laugh for you, and anything that made you happy, made Five happy.

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[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello! I just wanted to say I stumbled across one of your posts and ended up looking through the trans tag in your blog for a while and idk it felt so so nice to see a middle aged trans guy just living life and being there for others who are at earlier points of their own trans related journeys, and I hope I can look as awesome as you and be as comfortable in my own skin and style and everything when I'm older.

I guess I also wanted to ask if you had any insight or advice about a couple things, if you're willing to share.. First thing is, did you ever struggle with passing but looking much younger than your age and that somewhat affecting your perception of yourself? I'm 28 and I started T 11 months ago (though at a pretty low dose because I wanted slow changes) and my face just recently started visibly shifting to a more masculine contour and I love it, but I still don't really look like a 28 year old guy.

I've always passed easily even before T but people think I'm like 18-21 max. Things were fine while I was in college (I came out at 19 so for a while my face just felt fitting enough and didn't make me feel either dysphoric or in a weird age limbo) but every year it feels more frustrating and makes me feel sort of alienated from myself including in mental ways, like I'm just a little kid who can't grow up. Like I'll never look like a "real guy" even though I can be stealth because I look like a weird teen and not like a grown up man. It's especially bad when I look at my amab younger siblings who are now also adults and see how I "should have looked" in some other life if I was cis. I guess maybe that's just another manifestation of dysphoria that I didn't have to deal with before? Did you ever experience something like that? And if yes did it get better after some years on T or how did you deal with it?

The other thing is just.. internalized transphobia. It's one thing to know things in a logical or intellectual sense but it's so hard to really feel and believe it sometimes and let go of all the awful transphobic stuff my family said to me during the first years of me being out. I just kept going anyway because I needed to be true to myself and my family basically bullying me wasn't gonna just magically change how I felt about my gender, but what it did do is put my already low confidence and self esteem (in this context regarding my gender) down on the floor. And sometimes I still just think and worry "what if they were right and I was wrong and I'll never be real and valid because of x y z", "what if I'm just delusional", "what if I'm a ridiculous freak". I know, in a way, that no I'm not. I'm just a trans person and they're just transphobes. But feelings like that just get to me sometimes and I don't really know what to do about them even nearly 10 years after coming out. Does that get better at some point? Just like you kinda stop giving a shit what people think about you in general as you get older? But how can you change those internalized views affecting what you think of yourself?

Bit nervous about asking this stuff tbh, so sorry it was so long also sorry if I worded any of it in a not so great way.

I will say though, that seeing older trans people like you does help a little bit. Just makes it feel like "hell yeah I wanna be like him when I grow up". So thank you for showing me that today ;u; (and also for inspiring me to put a little more thought and effort into my styling and fashion choices haha)

Heya, Anon! Let's see what I can cover here:

Looking young.

Oh my god, yes. I was getting carded to buy superglue and spray paint well into my late 30s (I started T at 33). When my partner first asked me out for a date, they were worried I wasn't old enough to drink yet (I was 36).

This is me 1 year on T, age 34.

Years 6 & 7 (ages 39 and 40), is when I feel I started looking older.

I feel like it's only been recently, 14 years in at 47, that I look in my 40s, and a "mature" adult. My beard finally getting full helped, as did my receding hairline. And I feel like my skin texture has toughened up enough, to where wrinkles show more.

That said, yes, it is tough and annoying to deal with. Even when people tell me I look like a particular cis man (where I actually see the resemblance, lol), when I look at us side-by-side, I feel like I'm just a pale shadow of him. I feel jealous and dysphoric, even while I'm flattered by the comparison. I wonder what I "should" look like, and it feels like something has been stolen from me. Its a roller coaster of emotions.

That feeling never really goes away, but you need to afford yourself some grace. You're going to be your own worst critic, and I guarantee you that, of many cis men you grew up with, you can probably still see the kid in them. So of course, you're going to see the kid in yourself.

But, you also just need to let time run its course. HRT is a marathon, and a lot of changes don't really settle for about 5 or 6 years.

I hate to say "enjoy it while you can" because I sure as hell bristled at being mistaken for a teenager or barely 20 when I was in my 30s. But do enjoy what you can of it. Because once you hit middle age, you're going to start dealing with a strange intersection of dysphoria and aging that I myself am still trying to navigate.

One other way I help myself get over negative feelings is to think of how differently my life would have been if I were cis. I honestly worry I would have been a worse person; even though being trans creates a lot of obstacles in my life, I feel like it's been a net gain: being able to know myself so well and help others learn about themselves.

Internalized transphobia

This got better for me with age. My epiphany was that, even over a decade into my transition, I was still softening myself for the benefit of friends and family. I was still using my gender-neutral birthname (I only recently changed it). I would call myself a "person", "guy", or "dude", instead of a "man". I dressed on the young and casual side, eschewing full-on masculine outfits like proper suits with ties.

I only recently pulled myself out of this. It still is a habit-in-progress to refer to myself as a man, even though I have always felt like one. And I've started to dress more vintage, not just because of hyper fixations, but because it's a way to lean into a presentation that is unequivocally, "this is a middle-aged man". And it's done a lot of good for my mental health.

What I'd suggest is to see if you are holding yourself back in any way wrt your gender presentation or how you talk/think about yourself. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge that you are a man, full stop. You're a young man, sure. But still a man, and a full-ass adult at that.

I hope some of this helps. Transition gives us a unique toolset for examining who we are and how we want to move through the world, and that work certainly doesn't end after finally getting on HRT. <3

[ghostfacd]

SHE WAS LIKE A SHOT OF EPRESSO

pairing. tom blyth x actress!fem!reader (mentions of other actors x fem!reader platonically)

summary. in which you are the epitome of sunshine and radiance within your co stars OR all the times your co stars have talked interviewers’ ears off about you

installment of this au | read for context!

Time 1: Tom Blyth

“How’s Y/N as a cast mate?”

That question shouldn’t make Tom Blyth smile that wide — but he does — because he’s so utterly and unconditionally inlove with you.

“Oh gosh, I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Tom begins. “As her boyfriend, I think I’m being pretty biased when I say this, but Y/N Avocot as a cast mate has honestly been the best experience of my life. There has not been a day where she doesn’t make me laugh so hard that my ribs start hurting, and there hasn’t been a day where she hasn’t made me smile.” He pauses for a moment, pondering the next words to say.

“Y/N’s just that type of person, you know? She’s like the warm sunlight that engulfs you every morning you open your curtains, she’s like that newly brewed coffee that helps hydrate and bring you back to life. She’s everything.” And he says this in such a loving manner that the interviewer practically awes, the cameraman zooming the camera to show Tom’s dilated pupil.

“Your pupils are dilated!” The interviewer mentions, laughing as she points towards his eyes.

“Oxytocin is a warm hormone that’s released when you talk about someone you love,” Tom shrugs. “All my friends say my pupils dilate when I’m near Y/N, that’s just the effect she has on people.”

“Well there it is folks! Tom Blyth is truly inlove with Y/N Avocot!”

Time 2: Sean Kaufman and Lola Tung

It was an interview discussing the new season of The Summer I Turned Pretty, and it consisted of Sean and Lola who’s schedules were the only ones that were open that day.

“Guys! We’re so happy to have you today,” the interviewer starts.

“Why thank you,” Lola smiles brightly into the camera, smoothing out her dress.

“So obviously, this season is very important to the plot, it contains so much new exciting storylines including Sean’s character, Steven Conklin, and Y/N’s character, Ella!”

“Yes,” Sean laughs, his eyes crinkling. “It was very fun filming the scenes with Y/N, she’s like that little rush of happiness that you just wanna keep inside a jar.”

“Actually!” Lola speaks up, crossing one leg over the other as she leans forward to the interviewer. “Now that Sean’s mentioning it, Y/N really is a rush of happiness. God, everyday on set, I always think ‘I’m gonna probably have to say my lines over a thousand times and be tired by the time I’m done’ but Y/N comes right in, and she’s always making funny faces behind the director which just fills my heart with joy and it’s those little moments that make acting really worth it you know? Like even though I’m dying re filming the same scene over and over again — I know that Y/N’s always going to cheer me up by the end of it.”

“Wow,” the interviewer laughs. “I haven’t even asked you guys about Y/N yet but she seems to be very loved by the crew.”

“Oh yeah,” Sean nods. “Everyone filming loves her. I mean, how could you not?”

And the interviewer thinks the same question, because after interviewing Tom Blyth, she really believes that you really cannot not love Y/N Avocot.

Time 3: Timothee Chalamet

“Timo!” The interviewer greets Timothee excitedly, moving the chair so he could sit.

“Jacob! My favorite interviewer,” and maybe Timothee’s lying, because he’s seen about a million interviewers by now, but it makes Jacob smile, not so much hating his job anymore.

“Your new movie, Miracles in Love, can you tell me more about that?”

“Yes,” Timothee takes a deep breath. “It’s about a boy and girl in their early twenties figuring out what they wanna be in life. My character, Louie Marcel, falls inlove with my co star — Y/N’s character — Maeve Jones after they bump into each other at the bar and talk about how depressing their lives are. It’s pretty funny, y’know. How easy it was to film with Y/N, in fact, it came all naturally.” Timothee pauses, a small smile playing on his lips.

“When you say naturally, what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Oh you know Jacob,” Timothee grins. “It’s easy to fall inlove with Y/N Avocot. She’s a remarkable actress, and everything that I filmed with her feels so real that it feels like I’m really Louie and I’m really falling inlove with a girl named Maeve at the local bar near my university.”

“Oh wow,” Jacob, the interviewer, can’t help but gush at Timothee’s endearing statement. “You must be very good friends.”

“Us? Of course!” He laughs as if it was one of the funniest statements on earth. “I’m really good friends with her boyfriend too, Tom. They’re honestly the sweetest couple, don’t know if I’m inlove with him or her. Maybe both,” he jokes.

bellyapologist oh to be yn avocot and be so loved by her cast mates that they’re smiling each time they talk about her

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user1 literally like how do you not cry when you’re being called a literal rush of happiness

user2 lola and sean being so excited to talk about her even though the interviewer didn’t start the interview yet 😭

user3 shows that yn is rly a good person

timotheesgf YN AVOCOT LET ME BE YOU PLEASEEEE LOOK AT HOW TIMOTHEE TALKS ABT HER GOD LIFE IS NOT FAIR

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user4 “it’s easy to fall inlove with yn avocot” FUCKKKKK

user5 “everything I filmed with her feels so real” oh tom and kylie are punching the air rn

user9 she must’ve saved a planet in her past life cause..

user10 same energy as “she was like a shot of espresso” 😭😭😭😔😔😔