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something-tofightfor · 2 years ago

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The Colors I See

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader (Just Too Good To Be Gone pairing)

Word count: 3,760

Rating: NSFW / E - almost straight smut here, friends.

Warnings: This alludes to things that happen / are covered in TLOU 2, but doesn’t spoil anything at all.

Summary: An afternoon on your porch - and a casual comment to Joel - lead to much more.

Author’s Note: I (like everyone else) saw the character poster for Joel today and was immediately fixated on the GRAY IN HIS HAIR AND BEARD. *also the look in his eyes but that’s another story* ... and I had to take a break from Christmas Din and type this out because it was important.

This takes place in the JTGtBG universe - and is FAR past where I left them in Make This Old Heart Give In ... But it can be read as a standalone, too - and just as an afternoon in an established relationship.

To get alerted when I post new chapters/stories, follow @somethingtofightfor-shares and turn on post notifications - you can also ask to be added to my tag list (link in bio or at the top of my taglist reblog)

Just Too Good To Be Gone Masterlist

Song Suggestion: “Shades of Grey” by Billy Joel

“The gray looks good on you, Joel.”

It was afternoon on a rare day off for both you and Joel, and you were making the most of it - sitting out on the porch, feet up on the railing to read while life went on around you. “What gray?”

He set the book he’d been reading down, turning his head in your direction. “You know what I’m talking about.”

His new position let you see it more clearly - the muted sunlight shining through the leaves on the trees and bathing his skin in gold tones. It also highlighted the changes you’d noticed in his hair and beard over time - something that you knew he was a little self-conscious about, though it never seemed to bother him when it was you that mentioned it. “Do I?”

Joel’s eyebrow shot up - disappearing beneath the shaggy strands of hair hanging over his eye and you nodded solemnly, slipping your bookmark - a tattered $50 bill - between the pages you’d been reading before that book joined his on the weather-worn wooden boards of the porch. “You do.”

Uncrossing your legs, you sat up straight as you settled your feet onto the ground, twisting your body and reaching for him with one hand.

He didn’t flinch when you reached for him anymore, and even though it had been that way for years, it still made you smile. In more ways than just physical appearance, Joel Miller was a changed man from the person he’d been when he and Ellie had arrived at the gates of Jackson. He knew it and you knew it - even Tommy and Maria knew it - but he kept it hidden whenever possible. Not from me, though.

Knuckles grazing against the hair on his cheeks - hickory brown tinged with varied shades of gray and silver - even a little red in the sunlight on some occasions - you felt him reach over and grasp the arm of your chair, tugging you closer. You helped, using both feet for leverage, and when you were close enough for his liking, he spoke again, voice low enough that you could just hear him but loud enough that you didn’t miss the way it pitched and caught in the back of his throat. “Remind me.”

“The gray here,” you continued, nosing along his cheek and pressing a kiss to the bare patch of skin there, lips lingering on one of your favorite spots on Joel’s body. “And here,” you went on, one hand rising to tug on the ends of his hair, the locks soft and thick against your skin. You didn’t pull away from his cheek, though, tilting your head so that you could speak into his ear. “And I wasn’t going to mention it, but since you asked, there’s gray in a couple other places too, and -”

He groaned, the sound turning into a laugh as he wound his arms around you, lowering his head so that he could press his face into the curve of your neck.

You continued to stroke his hair, your other hand resting on his arm as you breathed in the scent of him - sawdust and cedar, the faint scent of peppermint - and when Joel finally pulled away, there was still amusement in his eyes but it was coupled with something else that you knew well. “I said remind me, but what I really meant was show me.”

“Not here.” Rising to your feet, you held out both hands. “Maye if it was dark out.”

“What, you don’t want to show off all my gray hair to the entire neighborhood?” He stood, too, and pulled you close again, his lips pressed against the top of your head. “Alright. Let’s go inside, then.”

After leaving the porch and closing the front door securely behind the two of you, you headed for the stairs but Joel caught your hand, stopping you. “What are -”

“Down here.” He kept hold of your hand as he backed into the dining room, cocking his head to the right. “Take a seat.” This is a test.

When he let go of your hand to pull the drapes shut, you only hesitated for seconds before pushing up and settling atop the dining room table with the doorway to your back, settling one hand on the top of the high-backed chair next to you. “Now what?” Drawing your lower lip between your teeth, you watched as Joel turned back to face you, one large hand reaching up to undo the buttons on his shirt. “Oh, that isn’t even fair.”

He winked at you but didn’t stop, keeping enough distance between you that you couldn’t reach out and touch him. And when he got to the bottom of the shirt, the let it hang there on his body - a green flannel that you’d told him once was one of your favorites, the fabric threadbare and faded over his broad shoulders and at the elbows.

“It’s about to be real fair.” He wet his lips, inching forward. “I guarantee it.” He pushed the chair to the side and stepped in front of you, using both hands to urge your crossed legs apart, leaving space for himself between them. “Well? Go on then.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. You immediately reached for the lapels of his shirt and pushed them back over his shoulders, the man only releasing your legs when necessary for you to remove it completely.

Bringing it up to your nose you inhaled, closing your eyes before you set it on the table next to you. “It’s going to be really hard to show you what you asked when you closed the blinds, Joel. It’s kind of dark in here, and the light really -”

“If I open those blinds again, there was no point in us comin’ inside.” He ran his hands over your shoulders and then down, squeezing your biceps before lifting them back to your face, the man’s roughened fingertips tracing over your skin. “Don’t you agree?”

“I guess so.” Pushing your fingers through his belt loops, you tugged him even closer by the waist, Joel’s hands dropping back to your shoulders. “But I still can’t see much in the dark, and neither can you.”

“It ain’t that dark.” Joel said your name, waiting until you’d tilted your head back to say anything more. “And I’m pretty sure you don’t really need to see much of anything anyway.” He wasn’t wrong - and even though you did like looking at him at every opportunity, the two of you knew each other so well that you didn’t need to see what you were doing to be efficient about it.

You eased his t-shirt up and over his arms, Joel leaning in to make it easier to pull it over his head. He reached for the hem of your shirt, freeing your body of it in only seconds, it joining the steadily growing pile of fabric next to you on the tabletop.

But neither of you were just removing clothes - every touch was purposeful, no matter how small. Goosebumps riddled the bare skin of your back when he trailed his fingertips over it, you heard his intake of breath when you swiped your thumb over his ribs - the motion slow and methodical. He groaned when you leaned in, still holding him at the waist, and kissed the skin of his chest, your eyes closed as you rested your cheek over his heart briefly.

And Joel knew how to pull sounds out of you that you didn’t even recognize when he touched you, his breath fanning over your collarbone before he took the strap of your bra between his teeth and tugged, a low whimper escaping from between your lips as your hold on him tightened. You whined at the feeling of his tongue dipping into the hollow of your throat, the heat of it dampening your chilled skin at the same time he nosed along the column of your neck, mouth rising so that it could finally meet yours.

When it did, it was immediately too much, your eyes squeezing shut as his teeth grazed the fullest part of your lower lip, your own darting out to soothe the sting when he released it. He laughed - the sound quiet, and didn’t pull away from you, parting his lips slightly to kiss you, the man’s head angled perfectly to match yours.

It was you that deepened it, though, Joel giving you an opportunity when he pulled back enough to take a quick breath. He didn’t try and stop you, instead leaning in even closer. The amount of moments that the two of you had like that one had grown steadily throughout the years you’d known him, and though you were more comfortable with them as they happened, you didn’t take a single one for granted. And I never will.

The man claimed your mouth and your body each time he could, despite the fact that you gave him unlimited access to it. That night, Joel’s hands pressed flat against your back as you wrapped your legs around his waist, the denim of his jeans stretched tightly over what was concealed beneath it. “Gonna have to get these pants off, aren’t we?”

Finally breaking the kiss and straightening up, Joel looked down at you while he spoke, his bare chest heaving. “We are. Both of us need to -” Lowering your hands to his waist, you undid the button there, glancing down and then back at him. “Fuck Joel, let me touch you.”

Instead of answering verbally, he stepped backwards, giving you room to stand, too. You knew what he wanted - to watch you undress yourself, but you didn’t give in, instead reaching out with both hands and taking his in yours, your fingers linking briefly. “What are you doin’?”

“You want them off, you can take them off of me.” He stroked over the skin of your belly with one thumb and then moved, Joel undoing your button and zipper and easing the denim - and the cotton beneath it - down and over your legs. You shuddered under his touch - the man’s fingers tracing over the skin of your thighs, and when he lowered himself onto both knees in front of you, looking up at you with wide, lust-blown eyes, you cried out, reaching forward to bury your fingers in his already tousled hair, his lips twitching into a brief smile.

“Sit back down.” He wrinkled his nose but didn’t stand. “Please.” The single word making it a request and not a command forced you into motion, and you tore your eyes away from his to look over your shoulder and back up the few steps necessary, once again taking a seat on the tabletop. Good thing we never eat in here, because…

The wood was cool against the backs of your legs, and when Joel shuffled forward, his hands going to the bottoms of each pant leg and tugging, you saw a genuine smile on his face, even though it was brief. “I saw that, Miller. You can’t hide from -”

“I aint tryin’ to hide from you.” Looking up again, Joel took a deep breath. “Done with that shit.”

And it was true - he hadn’t kept any part of himself from you since the moment he and Ellie had returned from Salt Lake City the previous summer. But I don’t want him to think about that right now, it’s… not the time. “I know.” Releasing his hair, you traced the curve of his brow and then down, the tips of your fingers only stopping when they reached his lips. “C’mere, Joel.”

He took a breath and then shifted onto one knee, his other foot flat on the ground, but he didn’t stand. Instead, he scooted closer and blinked slowly, the sly smile that spread across his lips another expression that you were familiar with. He kissed your left calf, his palms curled around the backs of your legs and then began to work his way up, the man’s lips soft and warm as they caressed your skin.

You whined at the feel of his beard, too, the hair soft thanks to the sunflower oil he used in it, and when his mouth bypassed your knee and he switched to the other side of your body, you couldn’t do anything but sigh, your hand firmly settled against the nape of his neck. I fucking love this man. “You gettin’ impatient yet?” He glanced up, not giving you a chance to reply before he kissed the inside of your thigh again, sucking the skin between his lips.

“No.” And it was the truth, no matter how strained your voice was when you said it. “No, because you’re gonna make it worth it.”

He would - because he always did - and so you did what anyone would have done in your situation and spread your legs wider, making more room for him between them. “You’re makin’ a mess on my kitchen table.” He nearly growled your name, the man’s breath hot on your damp skin. “A real damn -

“Our table.” Clearing your throat, your reply was little more than an exhale, the words not carrying a single ounce of the snap that you’d hoped for. “And it’s the dining room table, not the -”

He didn’t let you finish, urging your knees over his shoulders and then pulling you forward by the hips, the smile on his face erased by the way he dove between your parted legs. He mouthed at you with no hesitation, gentle suction with his lips followed by quick swipes of his tongue, his fingertips digging into the skin of your thighs, even though it wasn’t like you were attempting to go anywhere.

Your back arched when he slowed the motion of his tongue down, licking a longer path over you, and you cried out his name when he curled it into you, the flat of it teasing at your entrance. He wasn’t trying to get you off - he was just enjoying the taste and feel of you, and so when he pulled away only a few moments later, you weren’t surprised, Joel pressing one final kiss on the inside of your thigh before he stood up, swiping over the lower half of his face with the back of one hand. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“I’m not complaining.” You took a steadying breath, rubbing at your own face. “Nobody would about that.” That got another smile from him, but it was brief, Joel stepping right up to the edge of the table. “So.” You eyed him, gaze dropping from his face to his chest and lingering, one finger trailing down to rest at the center of it. “This is another place you’ve got some gray.”

“Yeah? Well you’re the only one seein’ that, so…” He settled his hands on your hips. “Don’t count.” You moved your hand lower, fingers finding the coarse hair at his navel and then dragging through it, the edges of your nails making him hiss. “Shit, that feels -”

“I’m the only one seeing this, too, and…” You sighed, breaking eye contact to follow the path of your hand, fingertips disappearing beneath the waistband of his jeans. “It definitely counts.”

The gray and silver was much more sparse in the places that didn’t see regular sunlight, but you’d noticed it early one morning, sunlight streaming through the bedroom windows while you and Joel woke up in your favorite way. You’d seen it again under the artificial bathroom light as you showered together, your hands and mouth exploring Joel’s slippery, clean skin while you perched on the edge of the tub. And when the two of you were laying in bed some nights, you saw it then, too - one cheek pressed against his bare chest while you traced his scars with your fingertips, some of them well-hidden by time, others more prominent because they were fresh.

“If you say so.” He grunted when your fingers closed around him, his eyes squeezed shut as he focused on your touch. “Fuck, you keep doin’ that, and you can say whatever you damn well please.”

“That’s what I was going for.” Your smile was soft, the hand you weren’t stroking him with moving back up to his hair, fingers combing through it. “But I meant it, Joel.” Tightening your grip on him, you wet your lips. “It looks good on you.”

There was a reply on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself, reaching between your bodies and pressing two fingers into you, the thickness of them a shock after the use of his mouth - but it was still more than welcome, your lower body responding to his touch and chasing after it each time he flexed his wrist and withdrew his fingers. Joel leaned in, pressing his forehead against yours as you continued to touch each other, the man’s jaw locked as he breathed through his nose.

“If you’re sayin’ it it’s gotta be true.”

That made you laugh and you nodded in reply, another breath audible when he removed his hand from you and encircled your wrist with his fingers. “What are -”

“Just gettin’ you ready for me, and I…” He hummed, the pad of your thumb circling over the tip of him. “You ready? Because I’m ready, and …” Joel swore. “Need to feel you.”

“Yeah.” There was nothing more to say, and in only a few seconds, you’d released him, Joel tugging his pants and underwear down before kicking them off. “Please, Joel.”

“Arms around my neck.” You did as he asked, resting your forehead on his shoulder so that you could look down, eyes locked on where he was holding himself, his fingers coated in your slick as he stroked his length lazily. “Fuck I’ve been waiting all day for this.”

Steadying himself with his free hand on your thigh, Joel lined up with your core, groaning out your name as he slid into you in one slow push.

It was a stretch - like always - even though he’d taken time to open you up, but you didn’t mind at all, giving him a few thrusts before you even moved and then you wrapped your legs back around his waist, changing the angle of your hips and allowing him to sink in deeper. “Right there.”

You cried the words out as he shifted his hips too, your arms locked around his neck - but that position didn’t last after Joel found his rhythm, hips snapping forward to meet yours.

You dropped your hands and leaned back onto your elbows, palms flat on the table as you watched him move.

You weren’t going to last long, and you knew that it would push him over the edge, too. So you you didn’t fight it, memorizing the way the flex of his abdominal muscles looked and the set of his jaw. You stared at the man you loved with wide eyes and parted lips, fingers flexing and the edges of your nails digging into the scarred wooden tabletop. He let his chin drop, grunting as he focused on where your bodies were connected, but you immediately missed the sight of his face, calling out his name.

“Look at me, Joel.” It took a second but he raised his head, brown eyes searching your face until he saw you smiling. “Slow. We’re not in a rush.” Pressing the heels of your feet into the backs of his thighs, you forced yourself upright, Joel’s hips slowing, though he didn’t stop moving.

He backed up a half step, pulling you with him, and you used the opportunity to encircle him with your arms again, mouth seeking his.

The kiss started out slow, languid like the way he was thrusting into you, but as you lost yourself in it, a heat growing in your belly and spreading like wildfire, he sped up again - the kiss turning messy. He slipped a hand between your bodies again, two fingertips zeroing in on your swollen flesh and circling. He knew the right amount of pressure that would make you fall apart, and you did - only moments after he’d started.

“So much better when you touch me.” You broke the kiss with a gasp, the muscles in your thighs shaking with the effort of holding him close while you came. “So much… fuck.” You felt your muscles clench, pulling him deeper and holding him there as he paused, your name tumbling from his lips as you stroked the back of his neck with one hand. “Let me feel you.”

You spoke into his ear, teeth closing around the lobe and tugging, and even though you were still riding out the aftershocks of your own orgasm, you were thankful when he started moving with purpose again, Joel’s mouth latching onto the place your neck met your shoulder to muffle his groans.

You loved hearing him - but loved feeling the vibrations travel across your skin more, and when he thrust forward in a devastatingly smooth motion, you moaned, fingers tightening in his hair and causing his hips to stutter. That’s it. That’s right, Joel.

He came with no warning only a few seconds later, Joel biting down on your skin and slapping one hand down on the table, his other still locked on your hip. And when you felt him filling you - your own warmth joined by his in spurts, you pulled on the ends of his hair, forcing him to release you and lift his head, the man’s pupils so wide his eyes looked black. “Come h-”

You cut yourself off though, closing the distance between you and kissing him. Though it was little more than a press of your lips together, it didn’t matter - Joel’s posture changed, the motion of his hips slowing as he came down, the hand on your hip loosening so that he was holding you and not gripping you, yours wandering down and over his shoulders and broad back.

He pulled out of you soon after, ending the kiss at the same time, and when both of you looked down, you were unsurprised to see that you’d made even more of a mess, the sight of him leaking out of you and onto the curved edge of the wood making you chuckle. “What’s so funny?”

“You made more of a mess than I did.” Wrinkling your nose, you shrugged as you met his eyes again. “Of me and the table, and -”

“Yeah, well…” With one hand, he gripped your jaw, gently tweaking it between his fingers. “It looks real good on you.”

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