#the children's book of the year award older readers

[emayuku]

Edward

Edward https://www.scribd.com/document/534528979/Edward

Edward is a 2018 children's book by Elizabeth Mayuku and illustrated by Hiromu Arakawa and Rumiko Takashi. It is about a young traveling boy, Edward Elric, who becomes separated from his father and finds his way to a house of the Tendo family. He is adopted by them and learns Japanese-like behavior.

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[litcest]

Everything Under, by Daisy Johnson

Everything Under, written by Daisy Johnson, is a retelling of Sophocles' play Oedipus Rex. It follows the story of Gretel, who was abandoned by her mother, Sarah, when she was sixteen. Sixteen years later, Sarah returns, suffering from Alzheimer's disease. As Gretel takes care of her mother, she tells Sarah about both of their lives. The novel was published in 2018 and was shortlisted for that year's Man Booker Award, losing to Anna Burns' Milkman.

When I initially heard of this book, I was given the information it was a mother/daughter story. And while I do ship the mother and daughter of this story, the canonical pairing is a mother/son couple. I also ship the brother and sister (the whole family has got very weird dynamics going on and is all very shippable).

A consideration: the sexual relationship is between a thirty-somethings-years-old woman and a sixteen-years-old boy. The encounter starts with him quite eager, but the he asks her to slow down, which she doesn't do. It might be triggering to some readers.

I would also like to address that one of the main characters is a transgender man. The book, when narrating his live before he transitioned, uses his deadname and female pronouns, and the characters who knew him from that time continue to refer to him by his deadname even after being informed he had transitioned. In this review, I won't mention his deadname, but when talking about his parent's memories of him, I'll use female pronouns and nouns, since his father only remembered him as a baby girl.

The story is told in a non linear format, which honestly, seems to be the ongoing trend in this blog. I swear it's not on purpose. Well, the chapters alternate between "The River", the far away past, which tells of Gretel's childhood living by the river with Sarah and also covers Margot/Marcus upbringing and the summer they met Gretel; "The Hunt", set is the near past, in which a thirty-year-olds Gretel searches for her mom and meet Marcus' parents, and "The Cottage", which is the novel's present day, after Sarah was found and moved into Gretel's cottage.

In chronological order, the story begins with Sarah, who, in her youth, was a party girl who liked to hook up with older man. Later, when she recounts her sexual escapades to Gretel, she mentions only one regret:

"There is one you speak about with slow regret. Younger, inexperienced, fumblingly nervous. A mistake from the start.

One day Sarah meets a fisherman named Charlie, who lives in a boathouse by the River Isis. They start dating and she moves in with him. When she's around thirty, she falls pregnant. She initially doesn't want any children, but decides to give it a chance since Charlie wants a baby. However, one day, Sarah leaves him, taking their baby girl with her.

In another town, near the river border, lives Laura and Roger, a couple who are unable to have children. One day, they find a infant by the river and decide to adopt that child. That child is Marcus, a transgender boy, who runs away at age sixteen after being told by their neighbour and friend, Fiona, that one day he would kill his father and have sex with his mother.

Marcus had been exploring his gender for a while (when he and Fiona, who is a trans woman, were alone, he would ask her to draw him a moustache and was always interested in the idea that you didn't have to identify with the gender you were assigned at birth) but had never publicly told his parents anything about it, so that may be why Laura and Roger continue to refer to him by his deadname even years later, when Gretel tells them that their child was a boy.

Anyway, after running away, Marcus begins to camp by the river shore, where he listens to the myth of the canal thief, a thief who robbed boats and killed animals during the night. He becomes very terrified of this thief and is initially cautious when he meets a blind fisherman named Charlie (yes, the same one who dated Sarah), but grows to trust Charlie and camps near his boat. Charlie tells Marcus about his daughter, who was taken away by her mother and whom he had been searching for a long time. Since Charlie is blind, he assumes Marcus to be a boy and starts calling him "son", which Marcus quite enjoys and is probably what made him realize he identified as a boy.

One night, Marcus wakes up scared by loud thundering noises. He goes into the boat to talk to Charlie, but Charlie, who is blind, mistakes him for the canal thief and attacks him. In self defence, Marcus hits Charlie in the head with tent pegs, killing him. After dumping Charlie's body in the river, Marcus runs off again. He decides to change his appearance and cuts off his long hair, tries to 'thicken' his facial hair by shaving in hopes it grows back darker, and adopts a more masculine posture.

As he keeps following the river's course, he runs into thirteen-years-old Gretel, who lives in a boat with her mom. Gretel grew up very isolated, having even created her own language with her mother, whom she idolatrised, despite their very volatile relationship.

"We were the kings of that place. We did whatever we wanted. You were a small deity, a quiet god. No wonder we were able to bring about what we did."

For a couple of days, Gretel visits Marcus, and they play together as she tells him about her mom, mixing the truth and tall tales (such as saying that her mom was a mermaid. Which calls to mind Infanduous, in which the MC also compares her mother to a mermaid).

"He was in love with Sarah before he even met her."

Sarah takes pity on Marcus who is all alone and tells Gretel to invite him to their boat. I think she assumes Marcus to be older than just a teenager, for she offers him cigarettes. Gretel and Sarah tell him of the Bonak, which is anything they fear. The current Bonak is a creature who lives in the river and Gretel is trying to capture it with traps. He dines with them and sets up his tent near where their boat is moored.

In chronological order, the story begins with Sarah, who, in her youth, was a party girl who liked to hook up with older man. Later, when she recounts her sexual escapades to Gretel, she mentions only one regret:

"There is one you speak about with slow regret. Younger, inexperienced, fumblingly nervous. A mistake from the start.

One day Sarah meets a fisherman named Charlie, who lives in a boathouse by the River Isis. They start dating and she moves in with him. When she's around thirty, she falls pregnant. She initially doesn't want any children, but decides to give it a chance since Charlie wants a baby. However, one day, Sarah leaves him, taking their baby girl with her.

In another town, near the river border, lives Laura and Roger, a couple who are unable to have children. One day, they find a infant by the river and decide to adopt that child. That child is Marcus, a transgender boy, who runs away at age sixteen after being told by their neighbour and friend, Fiona, that one day he would kill his father and have sex with his mother.

Marcus had been exploring his gender for a while (when he and Fiona, who is a trans woman, were alone, he would ask her to draw him a moustache and was always interested in the idea that you didn't have to identify with the gender you were assigned at birth) but had never publicly told his parents anything about it, so that may be why Laura and Roger continue to refer to him by his deadname even years later, when Gretel tells them that their child was a boy.

Anyway, after running away, Marcus begins to camp by the river shore, where he listens to the myth of the canal thief, a thief who robbed boats and killed animals during the night. He becomes very terrified of this thief and is initially cautious when he meets a blind fisherman named Charlie (yes, the same one who dated Sarah), but grows to trust Charlie and camps near his boat. Charlie tells Marcus about his daughter, who was taken away by her mother and whom he had been searching for a long time. Since Charlie is blind, he assumes Marcus to be a boy and starts calling him "son", which Marcus quite enjoys and is probably helped him realize he identified as a boy.

One night, Marcus wakes up scared by loud thundering noises. He goes into the boat to talk to Charlie, but Charlie, who is blind, mistakes him for the canal thief and attacks him. In self defence, Marcus hits Charlie in the head with tent pegs, killing him. After dumping Charlie's body in the river, Marcus runs off again. He decides to change his appearance and cuts off his long hair, tries to 'thicken' his facial hair by shaving in hopes it grows back darker, binds his breats with plastic wrap and adopts a more masculine posture.

As he keeps following the river's course, he runs into thirteen-years-old Gretel, who lives in a boat with her mom. Gretel grew up very isolated, having even created her own language with her mother, whom she idolatrised, despite their very volatile relationship.

"We were the kings of that place. We did whatever we wanted. You were a small deity, a quiet god. No wonder we were able to bring about what we did."

For a couple of days, Gretel visits Marcus, and they play together as she tells him about her mom, mixing the truth and tall tales (such as saying that her mom was a mermaid. Which calls to mind Infanduous, in which the MC also compares her mother to a mermaid).

"He was in love with Sarah before he even met her."

Sarah takes pity on Marcus who is all alone and tells Gretel to invite him to their boat. I think she assumes Marcus to be older than just a teenager, for she offers him cigarettes. Gretel and Sarah tell him of the Bonak, which is anything they fear. The current Bonak is a creature who lives in the river and Gretel is trying to capture it with traps. He dines with them and sets up his tent near where their boat is moored.

"He had never met anyone like her bofere. He felt as if maybe they were joined tgether in a way he did not understand. He wished he had never seen her; he wished he could see her every day there was left to him."

Indeed, they re connected, Marcus just doesn't knows it yet.

The next morning, Marcus accidentally catches Sarah washing naked by the river and can't take his eyes off her. She notices him staring and he runs away in shame. Sarah, however, doesn't say anything. He spends more days at the boat, Sarah teaching him how to preserve meat and how to fish. Other boats pass by warning them that there's something dangerous in the river. Marcus interest in Sarah only deepens.

"He would do whatever she asked him to. If she asked him to go under the water and never come back he would. He told himself that it was a debt of gratitute for all she'd dome but he already knew it was more than that."

One night, after Gretel has gone to sleep, Marcus and Sarah, both a little wine drunk, get closer, with him laying his head on her lap and her carresing his hair. She also asks him to search her breats for a tumor (which, as we learn from the present day narration, Sarah eventually had to have removed). She also urges him to leave, saying things are getting dangerous around the river. Marcus refuses to leave, even when, in the next day, he thinks he saw the Bonak.

"He understood it was his choice to go and that she would not tell him to. He understood - also - that he couldnt`t leave More than that: he couldn't ever leave her."

Now certain that there was something large lurking in the water, the trio makes a huge trap with the indent to catch and kill the creature.

Marcus had been staying the them for almost a month when it happens. One night, Sarah tells Gretel to sleep on the roof of the boat, because Sarah needs some alone time and she also needs to talk to Marcus in private. There's not much talking: Marcus climbs into Sarah bed, where she's naked under the blankets. She unbuttons his shirt and at first he is happy: "This is what I'm here for". But then he starts to panic thinking back to the words Fiona had told him.

He asks Sarah to stop, to slow down, but she keeps undressing him. She removes his binder and kisses his nipple. She touches him, touches herself, grinds on him and finally puts her mouth between his legs.

Not gonna lie, I didn't expect that to be what happened. The sex scene is described almost in the end of the book, after having been teased for a while. And nowhere did I see it coming that Sarah would rape Marcus. Specially because when I read reviews for the book, people were disgusted by the incest, not the rape or the pedophilia (let's be honest, even if Marcus had been 100% agreeing to the act, it would still be statutory rape).

The next day, Marcus, Sarah and Gretel set a scheadule to keep watch for the Bonak taking shifts so one would always be awake. During Marcus' shift, he hears a cage door slamming and goes to check the trap. As he swims to where it is, the sudden realzation hit hi: he has done what Fiona prophetized. Charlie and Sarah were his parents. I won't pretend to undertand how he realized it, but he did. You know the biggest sadnessall this? Chalie had found the child he had spent sixteen years looking for, but never realised it. He found his child only to attack him and be killing in self defense.

He discoveres that the cage door had been closed by the wind and goes to return to the boat, but his feet (he has a limp in the left leg) falters and he drowns, beng taken by the river to never be seen again. As he is drowning, he is certain he can see Sarah watching.

As soon as dawn comes over, Sarah moves the boat teling Gretel that Marcus would follow them shortly, only that he never knows. They leave the river for good and settle in a aparment above a horse stable. Gretel enrolls in school after having always been homeschool. She doesn't fit in, much like how Marcus never did. As she grows, she finds herself thinking of him, specially when she was kissing others.

"Somewhere in the kissing I started seeing Marcus, emerging out of the centre of their chests like he'd been waiting in there all along."

When Gretel is sixteen, Sarah tries to tell her something about Marcus, but Gretel says she doesn't wants to know. That same day, Sarah leaves and never comes back.

At first, Gretel tries to search for Sarah, but she eventually gives up. She graduates college. Becomes a lexicographer. From time to time, she calls to hospital or morgues and gives a description of Sarah, to see if Sarah wound up somewhere. One day, the description fits a body that lays unidentified in a morgue nearby.

Gretel goes to see it and discovers it's not Sarah, but she finds herself nable to stop her search just then, not when she had basically thought it had been over. Since she can't find any record of Sarah, she decides to look for Marcus. She doesn't find him, but finds a couple with the same last name living near where she lived when she had met Marcus.

She visits Roger and Laura, tell them about Marcus. They say they don't have a missing son, but that they had a daughter who fitted the desription of the limping leg. And so Gretel unveils the start of Marcus' story. She also meets Fiona, who tells her of the prophecy she had told Marcus before he ran away.

"I told her about [...] falling in love with Marcus in a childlike way, devoted, uncaring."

While she's staying in Roger's house, she gets a call from Sarah, asking her to go and get her. Gretel does back to the river where she spent her childhood and finds Sarah. Sarah is clearly not in a good state. She has lost a breast due to cancer and has missing memories, not seeming to notice that time has passed. However, she does eventually acepts that Gretel is who she says she is.

They talk and Sarah asks if Gretel remembers the first boat, the first baby. She doesn't, she hadn't been born yet, but Sarah tells her anyway. Of Charlie, of the baby she had with him, a baby they had named Gretel. A baby she had abandoned in a trash can by the river. Of how she lived alone in a boat after that, men coming and going. Until one day she found herself pregnant again. She named the new baby after the old one, which she believed to have died.

Having already heard from Roger of how he had found Marcus, Gretel puts the pieces together. She takes Sarah to her home, where Sarah deteriorated little by little. "The Cottage" sections are filled with Gretel resentment towards Sarah, but also with love. Gretel addresses her mom with an devotion that's more than filial love.

"Except, cut wrong side into my skin are not canals and tran tracks and a boat, but always: you."

"You populaed me: you ran the spirals of my thinking. I went to work, sat at the same desk every day, [...] dreamed of your mouth moving around words I could no longer hear."

Gretel takes care of Sarah and writes their story, writes what Sarah tells her, what she finds out. One day, Sarah tells her:

"I should have known when he first came . [...] There was something about him. I think I told myself it was lust, a new sort of lust, consuming. There was something familiar bout him, like Id loved him before. I should have known."

Which is sooooo GSA of her. (If you don`t know what GSA is, check it please, I promise you will like it.)

I'm not sure if Sarah knew who Marcus truly was before Gretel told her. I'm not sure how Marcus found out. Maybe he didn't knew for sure, he was just trying to make the prophecy match his actions had happened to be right. Either way, it was what it was.

One afternoon, Gretel calls for Sarah and she doesn't come. Then she finds her mother hanging from some bedsheets, having killed herself. Was it for her ever worsening mental condition? For regret over Marcus? We will never know. Gretel tries to live on the best she can to let the memory of Sarah go away.

Overall, I really liked the book. Johnson is a magnific writter (I found out she has a book called Sisters, which I need to get, because I think it will be very incestuous). The way she writes about loss and pain is beautiful. If you liked poetic books, I couldn't recommend this one more. Even if the incest isn't your cup of tea, it's still a worthy read.

[maxturnerwrites]

THREE SPINE-TINGLING QUEER NOVELLAS COMING SOON!

Help Knight Errant Press kickstart their 2023 publication list!

PREORDER NOW VIA KICKSTARTER!

Ever felt uneasy in a neighbourhood whose front lawns are perfectly groomed and whose inhabitants are perfectly friendly and cheerful? Briar Ripley helps unfurl this unease in The False Sister – a dark and compelling coming-of-age novella of queer adolescence in a seemingly innocuous middle-class suburban town.  

Step back in time and walk the warm and lively cobbled streets of ancient Athens. Guided by the deft hand of Alex Penland follow in the footsteps of Kallis – protagonist-cum-revolutionary. Andrion is an alternative tale of the great city of Athens, giving voice and nuance to those historically deprived of it. 

Visit Elk Pass, you won't regret it! Max Turner will make sure of it. A small town with a dark past secreted away in an inaccessible but scenic valley, cut off from civilisation for half of the calendar year. In The Child of Hameln, denizens from the realm of fae (before Disney had a say in the matter) roam the land and pay a visit to the residents of Elk Pass. Everything is not as it seems.

ABOUT THE BOOKS

It’s 1994, and Jesse Greer’s troubled older sister, Crys, has run away from home. Shy, socially awkward Jesse assumes that she has returned to her old haunts in the big city — until he discovers Crys’ remains in the woods behind his family’s house. Traumatized, Jesse runs to his parents for help, only to find that Crys has returned home, alive.

Folklore mythology meets dark suburbia in this uncanny tale of growing up. This story occupies the murky grey space between YA fiction and adult fiction focused on child characters.

Vibes: Welcome to the Dollhouse directed by Todd Solondz meets The Blair Witch Project and The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin. 

Readers: young adults and adults

Genre: mystery, fantasy, folklore with elements of horror

About the author

Briar Ripley Page is the author of two books for adults: Corrupted Vessels (about a tiny cult) and Body After Body (erotic dystopian horror). Briar’s work has also appeared in various anthologies and literary magazines. He was nominated for a Pushcart Prize and made the Brave New Weird award shortlist in 2022. Originally from Pennsylvania, USA, Briar now lives in London with their spouse, flatmates, and two black-and-white cats. Briar’s website is briarripleypage.xyz.

You can also find him on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram.

When 16-year-old Kallis goes to see Aristophanes' latest play, she's inspired to sneak into the Assembly and try to make her name as an orator. After all, she grew up at her father's knee. Even though the men around him treat her like a wild animal, Niko's always been proud of her outspoken intelligence. Kallis has no reason to suspect he'll be anything but supportive.

A feminist tale of ancient steampunk Athens, focused on the life and justice politics of a world extrapolated from history.

Vibes: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller meets His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman, with all the focus on family dysfunction of Hades from Supergiant Games and just as much queer content.

Readers: young adults and adults

Genre: historical fantasy

About the author

Alex Penland is a former museum kid. They spent their childhood running rampant through the Smithsonian Institution, which kicked off an early career as a child adventurer. Alex has worked in the field with NASA scientists, linguists and acclaimed photographers. A Pushcart-nominated author, Alex currently lives in Scotland while studying for a PhD in Creative Writing at the University of Edinburgh. 

You can find more of Alex on Twitter, Instagram and their website.

Bobby Taylor was the only child left behind twenty years earlier when a supernatural power kidnapped all the children of Elk Pass. Now a grown man and town deputy, Bobby discovers a horrible cover-up in this small town steeped in evil. The mystery unfolds as a snow storm blows in, threatening to isolate the town, and Bobby comes face to face with the monster who had left him behind when all the other children were taken.

A supernatural mystery and light horror, this dark fable features a town cloaked in darkness and torn by grief, a debt unpaid and a wrong left unrighted. Set in small town USA of the 1980s, The Child of Hameln is a queer, adult retelling of the Pied Piper of Hameln.

Vibes: TV series Stranger Things meets the small town USA grit of True Blood and the queerness of Hannibal.

Readers: young adults and adults

Genre: mystery, fantasy with elements of horror

About the author

Max Turner is a gay transgender man based in the United Kingdom. He is also a parent, nerd, intersectional feminist and coffee addict. Max writes speculative and science fiction, fantasy, furry fiction, many sub-genres of horror, and LGBTQ+ romance and erotica and a combination of thereof. Max has written several queer novellas and his short stories have been published both online and in print publications. Max is also the publisher of A Coup of Owls quarterly online and print anthologies.

You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr and his own website.

HEAD OVER TO KICKSTARTER NOW FOR A WIDE RANGE OF SUPPORT OPTIONS AND AMAZING ADD ONS!

Kickstarter ends 22nd April 2023

[thessence]

"Ah, so this is where the magic happens for my book. You are amazing… Thank you for your hard work." // Claude @ Seo Jun

@nvrcmplt. | unprompted. | claude ft. seo - jun.

well , this is a surprise. seo - jun has been employed as a character animator for some years now -- four , to be precise , & this is probably only the second time that he has met with the creator of the piece he's contracted with. he prefers to steer clear of encounters like these , the obligation to make certain that his work is up to snuff becomes more likely to consume him , considering how much of a PERFECTIONIST he is. his pieces are always gorgeous , this much he understands ( the awards of recognition settled on a shelf in his office & his most recent promotion are extra evidences of that ) , but that doesn't mean he's excused from improvement. 

seo - jun regards this man for a moment. older , certainly , but he still retains something youthful about him , which makes sense when you recognize his name from his children's books. though it may seem out of character for those who know him well , seo - jun happens to be quite the reader himself , & after the reveal of the company's newest feature film he would be working on , the animator placed aside some time to familiarize himself with claude's literature. he's perused a few of the children's books to attain a handle on what sort of modeling techniques he'll need to use for certain characters , & paid some attention to his novels. he'll . . refrain from speaking his opinion publicly about those in particular. a hand outstretches in greeting , a small smile dusted with warmth presents to the author. 

' your compliments are kind. i'm just doin' my best. i didn't . . expect to meet you , are you attending a meeting here? '

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour + #Review: THE SWORD AND THE SOPHOMORE by B.P. Sweany (w/ #giveaway)! #rockstarbooktours

Hello, hello! Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the Rockstar Book Tours blog tour for The Sword and the Sophomore by B.P. Sweany! I've got all the details on this YA Arthurian retelling for you below, along with my review *and* a giveaway, so let's go!

About the Book

title: The Sword and the Sophomore (The American Martyr Trilogy, Book 1) author: B.P. Sweany publisher: Th3rd World Studios release date: 9 July 2024

"Terrifically entertaining! ...a whirlpool of teenage hormones, high-school life and Arthurian magic. Hilarious and engaging!" — Diana Gabaldon, #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Outlander series Arlynn Rosemary Banson is an atypical sixteen-year-old—the cool, popular outsider, effortlessly straddling the line between divas and dorks. Her forever young mother, Jennifer, is dedicated to making her life awkward by trying to be her friend. Her father, Alan, is a workaholic history professor who barely acknowledges his family’s existence. Her boyfriend, Benz, the quarterback and homecoming king, has just broken up with her, while her best friend, Joslin, bears reluctant witness to Rosemary’s romantic drama. But nothing prepares any of them for a Welsh foreign exchange student named Emrys Balin. Emrys looks like a teenager, but he seems to act much, much older. Rosemary discovers she is part of the Lust Borne Tide, children born to the royal line of King Uther Pendragon who are imbued with mystical powers after being conceived in lust. Rosemary’s parents are Guinevere and Lancelot, banished by King Arthur to twenty-first century suburban America prior to Rosemary’s birth as punishment for their affair. Rosemary is the third in the Lust Borne line, after King Arthur and his son Mordred, the latter of whom has traveled to the future to continue the line of the Lust Born Tide by retrieving Rosemary and returning her to the late fifth century to conceive a child with her. But Rosemary has other plans—plans that involve training under Emrys and kicking Mordred’s butt, as long as it doesn’t interfere with prom or getting back with her boyfriend Benz. Packed with action, emotion, and humor, The Sword and the Sophomore goes beyond the Camelot you know with an Arthurian tale fit for the modern world. Combining sword fights and epic quests with the real-life teenage issues of fitting in, sexual agency, and profound personal loss; this fresh take on the classic story of what it means to wield Excalibur and all the power it entails will make you rethink the power of legend.

REVIEWS:

"A tongue-in-cheek, self-aware Arthurian fantasy set in a 21st century American suburb that’s anchored by an empathetic, hilarious, whip-smart, fierce teen protagonist. The Sword and the Sophomore almost makes me want to write a young adult novel. Almost.”— Pierce Brown, #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Red Rising Saga

"Captivating worldbuilding and an irresistible main character. I couldn't put it down."— A.G. Riddle, internationally bestselling author of The Origin Mystery Trilogy and The Lost Colony Trilogy

"What wonderful storytelling, for any age! Loved this book and especially the incredible protagonist—I would have loved to have known her in school! An excellent read!"— Heather Graham, New York Times bestselling author of the Krewe of Hunters series

"Dark forces from an ancient world descend on a high school near you. The Sword and the Sophomore is funny, scary, astute, and up-to-the minute. The pages turn themselves and you'll be cheering the unforgettable heroine on every single one."— Peter Abrahams, New York Times bestselling author of the Edgar Award-winning young adult mystery Reality Check and the Agatha Award-winning Echo Falls series for younger readers

Add to Goodreads: The Sword and the Sophomore (The American Martyr Trilogy, Book 1) Purchase the Book: Books2Read.com | Or purchase via my special link to the Th3rd World Studios store and get 15% off everything in the store!

About the Author

A veteran of the publishing industry, B.P. Sweany has worked with many notable content creators, including Pierce Brown, Dean Koontz, Diana Gabaldon, Alice Walker, and Dolly Parton. The Sword and the Sophomore is the first in a projected trilogy.

Connect with B.P.: Website | Twitter | Instagram | TikTok | Goodreads

My 5-Star Review

Okay, so admittedly, I didn't know what to expect with this book. It's a debut author and a publisher with whom I wasn't familiar, but I saw the summary and thought it sounded like something I'd like and figured I'd try it out. And let me just say -- are you kidding me?? I was kind of knocked off my socks by just how good this was and how much I loved it! The writing was top-notch and seamless, the action was non-stop, and the characters were amazing. If I hadn't known from the jacket that the author was a man, I would've sworn that it was a woman based on how accurately the main character is drawn. How does this man so easily get into the mind of a 17-year-old girl? I'm not sure, but it's kind of awe-inspiring! I fell in love with every single character, I laughed out loud, I cheered at the sex positivity, and I even bawled, y'all. I was *not* expecting to bawl!

There is so much to love within these pages, and I'm already excited to see what's ahead in book two, while thrilled that book one gave me a complete story. I'm so impressed with this being the author's debut! Granted, he's worked in publishing for some years, but still, what an accomplishment. I love the imagination! If you're at all a fan of Arthurian retellings, you've got to pick this one up! Or if you like YA adventures, stories of high school life, or urban fantasy -- please, please snag this one! I really recommend it and hope that it reaches a lot of readers! I promise you that reluctant readers would love this one, too.

Clearly, I loved this one, and if you end up reading it please do DM me and let me know your thoughts! Thanks so much to the publisher and author for sending me a copy, and to them and Rockstar for having me on the tour. What a blast I had reading this!

Rating: 5 stars!

**I received a copy from the publisher for purposes of this blog tour. This review is voluntary on my part and reflects my honest rating and review of the book.

About the Giveaway

One (1) lucky winner will receive a finished copy of The Sword and the Sophomore by B.P. Sweany! These are gorgeous books, my friends! This one is US only and ends 23 July, so get your entries in!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

[azbookblog2023]

Freewater

Genre (or “category” from the requirements list): Coretta Scott King Award

Freewater is a Coretta Scott King Award winner and is written by Amina Luqman-Dawson. This juvenile fiction book is intended for young readers aged 10 years and older.  

The story follows twelve year old Homer and his younger sister Ada as they seek liberation from a plantation. On their journey they become separated from their mother and meet another escaped slave who guides them to freewater, a secret town in the swamp. Freewater is a safe haven for other individuals who have escaped slavery, a community where people are cared for and can experience freedom. As the story progresses, Homer continues to think of his mother and her suffering at the plantation. With the help of his sister and new friends Homer is on a mission to save his mother and bring her to freedom. 

I chose to review this book because it is narrated from the perspective of young characters and it also gives representation to the young children who were enslaved. Because this story is historical fiction it’s a great source to use to introduce the topic of slavery to young readers. Free water also addresses overcoming trauma and fear- specifically with young children, and demonstrates the importance of community. Friendship and survival are also strong themes that can be seen throughout this story. I think it’s important for young readers to learn about this nation's history, and this story touches on tough topics such as racism and enslavement in an appropriate way.

For this review I will be evaluating: Tension, Setting, and Theme.

Tension: According to Young et al., "Tension makes the reader want to read in order to find out what happens to the individuals involved in the problem and how the conflict is resolved". This was the main theme throughout this whole story. When Homer and Ada become separated from their mother, the reader is immediately hoping that she will be saved. The author did a good job with the tension in this story because the reader wants to continue to follow Homer, Ada, and their new friends on their mission to save their mother.

Setting: The setting was also another theme that was executed successfully. The story takes place on a plantation and a secret swamp that serves as refuge to escaped slaves. The vocabulary the author uses to describe these locations helps the reader visualize the swamp and the plantation. The descriptions of this setting are so profound that it becomes a key element in the narrative. As a reader I think that the author did a good job with the setting of the book, I believe it allows young readers to visualize the life of Homer and Ada and what they consider home.

Theme: According to Young et al., "Theme is the story's central idea and best expressed in complete sentences". The underlying theme of Freewater is the enslaved children of the south and the traumatic things they experienced. While this is a fictional story, it gives representation to the real life stories of the individuals who fled slavery and found asylum in the Southern Swamps. This book is a historical fiction and the theme of enslaved souls seeking freedom and I believe the author did well in educating readers about these swamps that once existed.

References:

Luqman-Dawson, A. (2023). Freewater. LITTLE, BROWN COMPANY.

Young, T. A., Bryan, G., Jacobs, J. S., & Tunnell, M. O. (2020). Children’s literature, briefly. Pearson.

[emries-library]

Picturebook: I Say Shehechiyanu written by Joanne Rocklin and illustrated by Monika Filipina. Kar-Ben Publishing. 2015.

This picturebook introduces children to "shehechiyanu," a Jewish blessing that is said when something takes place for the first time ever or the first time in a long time. Readers travel through the seasons with a little girl as she details all the events where she says "shehechiyanu!" This book does not seem to have won any awards, but it is valuable for its simple introduction to Jewish culture and traditions. Holidays like Rosh Hashanah and Passover are depicted with illustrations that communicate some of the traditions associated with the holiday. The pictures compliment the story, adding more detail to the simple text. Because the text is both repetitive and simple, this book is most suited to ages 4-6, and could be read to younger children.

This book is useful as a simple introduction to a culture that may be different from that of some library patrons. It could be used in a program about other cultures' traditions and holidays, and some of the food in the book, such as challah, could be a snack for children during the program.

Readalikes:

A is for Abraham written by Richard Michelson and illustrated by Ron Mazellan. Sleeping Bear Press. 2008.

This nonfiction text is an alphabet book focusing on Jewish traditions. The main text is made up of simple rhymes, and there are sidebars containing more information about the relevant Jewish traditions, cultural pieces, etc. While the sidebars are quite wordy, the main text would be accessible to 5-6-year-olds, making this a good next step for slightly older children who, after reading I Say Shehechiyanu, are interested in learning more about Jewish culture. It also would be an excellent text for Jewish children looking to learn more about their heritage or for parents hoping to start a conversation about Judaism with their children.

Hanukkah, Shmanukkah! written by Esme Raji Codell and illustrated by LeUyen Pham. Hyperion Books for Children. 2005.

A Jewish retelling of A Christmas Carol that takes a story children may already be familiar with and adapts it to fit Hanukkah instead - with three rabbis visiting Scrooge, and so on. This book contains a surprising amount of Jewish history and culture, and, although the text is a little more dense, should be fun and engaging for children.

Osnat and Her Dove written by Sigal Samuel and illustrated by Vali Mintzi. Levine Querido. 2021.

This illustrated book is a look at the life of the world's first female rabbi, Osnat. Although some elements are fictionalized - and the author admits this - it is still an engaging, primarily historical narrative, and may make a good follow-up to Hanukkah, Shmanukkah! which features a female rabbi.

[acornreviewsya]

Moore, D. B. (2019). The Stars Beneath Our Feet. Random House Children's Books.

After the death of his older brother, twelve-year-old Wallace “Lolly” Rachpaul tries to navigate his grief by searching for ways to cope while coming of age in the projects of Harlem. During this process, Lolly finds that building with Legos is his greatest source of peace. While building castles from his imagination, he also builds new relationships that help him figure out who he is and what kind of future he wants for himself.

The Stars Beneath Our Feet carries a very powerful message to young children who are dealing with injustice and the grief that can often follow it. Lolly experiences a vast amount of emotions – often described as a rock in his chest – which are a product of the circumstances surrounding his brother’s death and his desire to decide how he wants to move forward in his life, whether that be with anger and revenge or with trust and creativity. Readers can see how each decision Lolly makes may change the course of his life forever and truly showcases how difficult those decisions can be when dealing with deep anger, sadness, and hopelessness. The novel features an incredibly diverse cast of characters, many of which are POC and LGBT. This is the first novel I’ve read that featured multiple queer parents who are all POC and have healthy relationships with their children.

Awards: Coretta Scott King – John Steptoe Award for New Talent

Interested in the audiobook? Here is an excerpt read by the author: https://youtu.be/eTRSW2OY50Y

Image Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34057229-the-stars-beneath-our-feet?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Z2N59SMGAB&rank=1

[ecoeyeau]

Alphabet Books

Website : https://www.ecoeye.com.au/

EcoEye offers Australian Alphabet Books, Puzzles & Giftware, designed by Graphic Artist Robyn Williams.

Cushions, mugs, personal journals, spiral notebooks, stickers and more designs by Robyn Williams are available on our website.

K is for Kangaroo:

"K is for Kangaroo" hardcover books reflect the vibrant colours found in Australia's landscape. Every picture tells a story … each is uniquely Australian.

Multi-layered illustrations showcasing Australia’s favourite animals, beautiful birds, floral emblems, and famous icons including Ned Kelly as well as Vegemite and Sydney Harbour Bridge.

"K is for Kangaroo" books and matching puzzles are ideal for children of all ages.

“K is for Kangaroo" An Australian ABC emerged out of a bright idea to create a love of learning in an artistic and Australian way! From ghost gums to homesteads, echidnas to crocodiles, wombats to waratahs … multi layered illustrations help young readers discover Australia’s favourite animals, beautiful birds, floral emblems, cultural icons and A-Z sign language as they learn to master the alphabet in a truly colourful way.

Wholly designed and printed in Australia, "K is for Kangaroo" is a hardcover book of quality and style. Launched at Somerset College on the Gold Coast, “K is for Kangaroo” books have spread far and wide internationally and across Australia, landing in more than a hundred Aussie cities and towns.

Business Email : prwilliams61@gmail.com

Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/RobynWilliamsDA

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/ecoeyerw/

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[last-ofthe-starks]

HOTD episode six easter eggs and thoughts

Out the gate I immediately noticed the difference in the cinematography, the first two scenes are all one take and it’s incredibly impressive. As the show runners stated, this was meant to feel like a new pilot episode for the series as we reboot with new, older versions of actors. As a book reader, it worked for me. As a non-book reader, I’d be curious how it felt to watch. 

The relationship between Rhaenyra and Laenor is established so quickly and with so few words. Their conversation following the birth of Joffrey makes it very clear that not only is Laenor fine with the arrangement they have, but he is often tone deaf and oblivious to Rhaenyra’s daily life. We see that the two are companions but it’s made clear that Rhaenyra is still the stronger of the two personalities, and understands the larger game being played here. It was also interesting to see that the naming of their third son was not a mutual decision in which Rhaenyra agreed and showed great sympathy for Laenor, but a last ditch effort by Laenor to have some input in his own life. 

Fuck you Criston Cole. His smug face just irks me, so very well done by Fabien Frankel. The one critique I have over this is that his clear and utter hatred of Rhaenyra and her children is not properly fleshed out. Right now with the time jump, it doesn't give a clear motivation for his anger; many viewers of last weeks episode still interpreted his anger at Rhaenyra incorrectly, and believe it was due to him being in love and heart broken. In reality it stems much deeper than that, and I think the viewers would have benefited from at least one conversation (likely between Criston and Alicent) where he makes it very clear that it was not so much his heart being broken by Rhaenyra that turned him, it was her disregard for his honor and his perceived understanding that she did not care for the consequences of their actions. In reality it takes two to tango and you could see very clearly that he had many opportunities to stop and didn’t so, sorry Criston. I do not feel bad for you. 

Moving right along, fuck you to Alicent and her faux concern when Rhaenyra enters her chambers. WHAT A SCENE and introduction to Olivia Cooke’s Alicent. Her character has an interesting arch over the course of this episode, starting with sheer cruelty in order to make a point that her husband refuses to entertain or acknowledge. Because of this rejection of the truth, Alicent is closing in on wits end. In her mind, the search for honor and truth trump the love a father has for a daughter, and Viserys dishonors them all by allowing Rhaenyra to get away with her actions. And I can’t say she is wrong, because Rhaenyra has dishonored her family, and has been able to get away with a lot thanks to Viserys’s protection. But he is the King, and Alicent will do everything in her power to try and undermine and sandbag him, including this shitty scene where she pulls Rhaenyra from labor to present her child to her. To me there is no excuse for that. 

Ah, Viserys. Man is looking ROUGH in this episode and Paddy Considine deserves an award for wearing all those prosthetics. Viserys is a wonderful grandfather and father in this episode (in that he clearly loves his children and grandchildren beyond measure) and it’s a shame how in the dark he is. Or rather, how keeps himself there by choosing to look the other way when it comes to Rhaenyra. There are still glimpses of him not being completely oblivious (like accusing Aegon of being the mastermind behind the pig), but overall he continues to create problems for himself and everyone around him. 

Speaking of the kids and grandkids, this is the new era of this show finally appearing on screen and I have to say, I wasn’t disappointed. With 10 years between this episode and last, there is a ton of information missing here, but they showed us rather than told us who these kids were. They allowed us to see their personalities in the short amount of air time each had individually and the dynamics of them all were clearly presented. 

Jace and Luke are adorable little fire crackers, and it’s interesting to see how they appear to get along fine with Aegon and Aemond at the beginning of the episode. Then we start to see that they tend to side with Aegon since he is the clear leader, and alienate Aemond. Aemond is presented as a very insecure, shy boy and that is what motivates his storyline moving forward. With next to no dialogue I picked up on that. Next is Helaena, who is depicted as a very learned girl with interests likely considered perverse for the time. She is an important character and this is the first time we see her properly so I am curious how she will be presented next time. She also makes an interesting comment “he’ll have to close an eye” which is incredible foreshadowing.

Aegon is a twat. But I do like that we can clearly see that before Alicent’s interference, he was friendly with Rhaenyra’s kids and a typical oblivious teenage boy with no real understanding of his role. The actor did a great job with him.

The CGI on Vermax in the dragon pit is incredibly well done, once again they are killing it with the dragons, including our first sighting of Vhagar. 

Daemon and Laena are a power couple like no other and I love the sequence of them racing their dragons, looking all happy. It only that happiness were lasting. Similar to Rhaenyra’s storyline, all looks like Daemon’s life has been happy and care free for the past 10 years, but the longer we watch the more cracks we can see in their relationship. 

The triatchy has made an resurgence, and the lords of Pentos are offering Daemon and Laena a home, and their loyalties in exchange for the protection of their dragons, and while Laena wishes to leave Pentos and return to Driftmark to raise their children and return to the responsibilities they inevitably hold due to their ancestral houses. Laena wants her children to be raised Dragonriders amongst her people, not the Lady of a large home in Pentos that does not truly belong to her. Alternatively, Daemon is clearly enjoying the peace that Pentos is offering him, and whether that is because he wishes it for himself, his family, or simply feels the need to stay away from Rhaenyra is still unclear. 

In the books, it is said that Daemon, Rhaenyra, Laenor and Laena were all friends, especially Laena and Rhaenyra. It was said they would spend a great deal of time together, and that Rheanyra would visit Laena and Dameon on Driftmark often. With the show, it is implied that none of them have seen each other in all the time that has passed, and likely that Daemon and Laena fell off the face of the earth, with few people knowing their true whereabouts. This will effect how next episode is portrayed because Rhaenyra was grieving Laena as well when her and Daemon meet again. In the show, it looks like that might not be the case (unless they imply that Rhaenyra and Laena had seen each other in those 10 years and had been friends). 

The whole episode starts off by making it seem like Rhaenyra and Daemon are both doing okay within the lives they chose, but it’s clear by the end of the episode that this was a.) not the case and b.) certainly isn’t now. During their conversation on the roof, it is clear that Laena and Daemon marriage is not perfect. Far from it actually. And it seems like it’s slowly been unravelling over time. Like we saw in the previous episode, Laena was aware that she was not going to compare to Rhaenyra for Daemon, and had come to peace with that. I hope we see more insight into Daemon’s feelings about the marriage in the next episode, and that he is able to repair his relationship with his daughters. 

Speaking of which, this notion that the episode has a lot of false portrayals of happiness is mirrored in Daemon’s relationship with his daughters. The first time we see this family they all look so happy, we see Daemon teaching them how to speak High Verlyrian, kissing his wife’s belly and unborn child, and seemingly being a good father figure to them. But then Rhaena lets it slip that he ignores her, and you can tell something is going on with Daemon beyond his political desires to stay in Pentos. 

When Laena is giving birth to their third child my heart broke. This whole scene was explained very differently in the book. In Fire and Blood, Daemon and Laena are already back on Driftmark when she goes into labor. And she does give birth, to a stillborn son who died only a few hours later. After the birth, she is so severely weakened that she remained in bed for three days until she died. It was rumored she attempted to fly Vhagar one last time but collapsed before she could reach her, and that Daemon carried her back to bed. I don’t know how I feel about the change made on the show but with her earlier comment about dying a Dragonrider’s death, I get it. But choosing to make this character commits suicide rather than letting her pass away the way she had in the books seems like it was done for shock factor more than plot. 

They really went for a one two punch with Laena then Harwin leaving, and then the fire at Harrenhal. Honestly, justice for Harwin in more than one way. This dude was an amazing man, the scene with him and his father made me feel for him so deeply. Then the scene in the courtyard where he defends his two sons against Criston was another great scene where he did so much without saying hardly anything. You can tell that in an alternative world, he and Rhaenyra would be raising those boys together, teaching them how to be brave warriors and living a happy life. 

Lyonel Strong resigning as Kings Hand is SO BAD for everyone wow wow wow. Larys is quickly learning how to play the game and it’s clear he has no issue breaking and bending the rules to get himself in a better position. By arranging meetings with the Queen, he has his finger on the pulse of Kings Landing and can see where he might be of use in furthering the chaos. His allegiance is with the moment. When he arranges the murders of his father and brother, it is so that Alicent is in his debt. She did not directly ask for him to commit this crime, but he twists her words and implies that it was for her benefit so that Otto can be restored of hand of the king. As a retult, Larys has the ear of the Queen and is now the heir to Harrenhal in one move. 

Lastly, I love Emma’s portrayal of Rhaenyra, I couldn't take my eyes off of them, I found them to be wonderful. Olivia Cooke was great too, but her version of Alient definitely felt a lot different than Emma’s. I could recognize Milly’s portrayal in Emma's moreso than Olivia’s. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but an observation. 

I also needed more Daemon in this episode, so I guess we will wait for the next one, which looks wildly good. 

[emayuku]

Harry Potter: A Cinderello Story III - A Twist in Time

Harry Potter: A Cinderello Story III - A Twist in Time www.scribd.com/document/482484…

On the first anniversary of Harry Potter's (Daniel Radcliffe) marriage to Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright), his second cousin Anthony Dursley (Alexander Ludwig) finds Sirius Black's (Gary Oldman) wand in the forest. Harry's cruel uncle, Vernon Dursley (Billy Connolly), uses it to reverse time, making the famous glass shoe fit Anthony's foot before Harry has a chance to try it on. No longer retaining any memory of who Harry is, Ginny prepares to marry Anthony.

@cinderello-blog

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@charlottecors

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@coldplayfangirl16

[mrcleanheichou]

Wolves are (NOT) Scary Chapter 1

Pairing: Werewolf!BTS X Female human reader

Genre: Fluff smut angst

Warnings: brief handjob

Word count: 1,809

Summary: All Y/N wants to do is find her creativity and motivation but she finds 7 werewolves instead.

Author note: Hi guys! this fic is gonna flip back and forth between present time and the past as reader and the boys look back on their past together. If anyone would like to be tagged let me know!

Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 

~3 years ago~

People think being a children’s book author and artist is incredibly easy but it’s not. Having 5 award winning books is awesome but those awards just add pressure. Pressure to top your last work, to keep doing better. And that pressure is definitely getting to you. Over the past month you’ve been spending more and more time in your office and less time at home. You’ve been surviving on four hours of sleep every night and multiple cans of Starbucks double shot energy drinks. You groan as you stare at your drawing tablet screen as if its supposed to tell you what to draw. When it obviously says nothing to you you put your head down and muffle your frustrated screams.

“Maybe what you need is a change of scenery”

“Huh?” You asked picking up your head from your desk to look at Yeji, your editor. She walked into your office without you knowing, making you wonder how much of your emotional breakdown she witnessed. The pitch meeting with your boss that morning didn’t go well at all. He didn’t like any of your ideas for new books. To be honest they really weren’t that good. You haven’t had much passion for your work over the last few months and it shows.

“You need to get away from all this mess.” That sent a pang of embarrassment through you as you look around your office. It looked like a tornado tore through it. There were coffee cans strewn about near your little trash can. Yeji came and sat on the edge of your desk pulling out her phone from her purse. “Look at this”

She handed you the phone with an excited look on her face. There was a picture of a cabin with a beautiful red and pink rose bushes around the front of it.

“Why are you showing me a cabin?”

“Because that’s my solution to your problem! That’s my grandparent’s cabin that they use every summer. Now that they’re getting older they decided to stay home this year. It’s in the mountains in Busan and it’s only 10 miles from the nearest town. It’s a serene environment that I think you can clear your head and get your creative mojo back.”

That is how you ended up driving behind a moving truck down a winding road leading up to the cabin. You were amazed the entire drive. The area was beautiful, full of huge pine trees and wildlife, like deer and bunnies. Yeji has always been nice to you the whole five years that she has been your editor but this took the cake. She had talked your boss into letting you work from home and her grandparents are letting you rent the cabin for way less than you’re paying for your 1 bedroom apartment.

It took thirty minutes for the movers to get all your things into the cabin. Yeji’s grandparents were nice enough to leave it furnished. Their furniture was definitely nicer than yours. You just brought your bookshelf. It was a very nice cabin with a fireplace and even a second floor. Taking a look around upstairs you found that there were two bedrooms. The smaller one had a desk facing a big window. Smiling to yourself, it was Instantly decided that this will be your work room. Looking out the window you could see a big beautiful tree with a rope swing attached to one of its limbs.

Grabbing your sketchbook from a box downstairs you went out to the back yard. There was no fence just a small area of grass surrounded by dense trees leading into the forest. It was beautiful and peaceful. No sounds of cars honking or busy commotion. Which was perfect for getting your creativity back.

Sitting on the swing, a plank of stained wood held up by thick rope, you got to work drawing the trees around you. It was by no means comfortable drawing like that so you begrudgingly got off the swing and sat on the ground.

Getting lost in the atmosphere you didn’t notice the presence to your right. You only figured out you weren’t alone when a twig snapped. Whipping your head towards the noise you heard the sound of light foot steps running away. Figuring it was just a deer you got up and headed in to try to find the box containing your food. After locating the right box you stared at the instant ramen in defeat. You forgot you didn’t go food shopping beforehand because you were moving. Well you were going to have to town at some point.

The drive to the nearby town was quick. It was cute one road town with small shops. Driving by art galleries and restaurants you parked in front of a barbecue restaurant fully prepared to eat some amazing Korean barbecue when you smelled something amazing. It was the smell of fresh bread and toasting sandwiches wafting from across the street.

There was a black sign that had a full moon with some clouds and letters in white that said ‘Moonchild Bakery -baked goods and gourmet sandwiches’. Your growling stomach is what pushed you into going that direction.

Walking in you were greeted by a warm atmosphere. The inside had the warm hunting cabin aesthetic. It had wood paneling on the walls and the counter top was a beautiful dark stained wood and there was a glass case showing delicious looking cakes and fruit pastries. There was also a second case with different lunch meats. The menu above the counter are was two large chalkboards side by side with colorful chalk handwriting.

“Hi, what can I get for you today?”

You must have zoned out due to hunger because you jumped a little when you heard the melodic voice. That made the source of the voice grin. The man looked like an angel incarnate. He had silver hair which made you wonder if he goes to the city to get his hair dyed because his hairstylist did a great job. Clothed in just a simple white shirt with a black apron over it he somehow rocked the outfit like a model. Looking down you could see his name tag ‘Jimin’.

“Umm, I’ve never been here before. Do you have any recommendations?” You asked shyly getting too nervous to make a decision yourself. Jimin goes to say something when you hear a commotion coming from the doorway leading to the kitchen. Another man walks through wearing the same thing as Jimin. He was carrying a tray with what looked like cupcakes.

“Ya! You punk! I’m the head baker!” came a voice from the kitchen.

“I don’t care! I did not spend thirty minutes frosting these for you to ruin them with a corny name” He put the tray on the counter behind him and opened the glass case in front of you. They were cute little cupcakes decorated to look like wolves. You could see his name tag, it said ‘Jungkook’

Jimin turned his head towards Jungkook and asked, “What was it this time?”

“Pup-cakes” Jungkook said with disgust in his voice. You laughed which caused Jungkook to finally look at you. He moved over to the cash register pushing Jimin out of the way. “Hi, my name is Jungkook. What’s your name?”

“Y/n” you answered surprised at his straightforwardness. Jungkook was about to say something when a clearly annoyed looking Jimin cleared his throat “I think I heard Jin hyung calling for you.”

Jungkook just raised his eyebrow at him “I didn’t hear anything. Did you hear anything y/n?” You really didn’t want to be involved in whatever this was but you shook your head anyway. The shorter man let out what almost sounded like a growl and stomped off. “I’m sorry about him. He gets grumpy sometimes.” Jungkook flashed you a dazzling smile that oddly resembled a bunny’s. “Do you know what you would like?”

“No, Jimin was about to recommend something to me” you confessed.

“Well my taste is much better than his.” he winked at you while grabbing some gloves. “Do you like eggs?”

~Present day~

“Ew! You drooled on me!”

“No, I didn’t!”

Opening your bleary eyes and groaning from being so rudely woken up you see Jimin throw a decorative pillow (that Namjoon bought for the aesthetic) at Taehyung’s head. Smacking the other werewolf in the face.

“Now I’m really gonna drool on you!” Tae exclaimed before chasing after the naked silver haired man out of the living room.

All three of your boyfriends are human again and are just as loud as they normally are. Unlike in movies, werewolves don’t have some grotesque transformation with bones breaking and shifting painfully. It’s actually quite beautiful, magical and can happen in an instant, so they can transform in their sleep and not even notice. The moon goddess, Luna, cursed the people of the wolves but she was merciful in her punishment. She did not wish to make them suffer needlessly. It’s a lot to take in and you still can’t believe it sometimes no matter how many times you’ve been to the Luna Temple or witnessed one of your boyfriends transform.

While Jimin and Taehyung are up and wrestling a very tired Jungkook is snoring very loudly right in your ear. He has a leg slung over your hips while he hugs you from behind. His morning wood was pressed to your butt and you can bet there was probably a wet spot on your shorts from his unconscious leaking.

Knowing Jungkook waited patiently for the past three days, you decide to take pity on him. You reach back to grab his cock but trying to stroke him proved to be difficult. Instead you started rhythmically tightening and loosening your grip on Jungkook’s length. Soon he was humping into your hand chasing the delicious friction you were providing him. Hearing the sweet whines and moans in your ear you knew your boyfriend was close. He always finished fast the first time after his monthly turning, you swore he had the highest libido in the world. Thankfully he had 6 other mates besides just you otherwise you’d probably never be able to walk.

“Noonaaaa” Jungkook moaned in your ear “I’m gonna cum.”

A final hard squeeze had him spilling all over your shorts. He right away pushed your hand away because he knows your evil ways of exploiting his sensitivity.

“This is definitely my favorite way to wake up” Jungkook muttered groggily into your neck. Right as he was reaching his hand into your shorts you both heard a clearing of a throat. Looking up you could see a fully clothed Jimin crossing his arms looking extremely judgemental and Taehyung eating cereal in his boxer briefs standing next to him.

“Really? Right in front of my cereal?”

[citrusdarling7]

Dumbledore's Villainhood

description- an essay i wrote when i should have been doing actual course work

warnings- mentions of abusive households, spoilers for the HP series, mentions of death, and dumbledore slander. (duh)

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I have read the Harry Potter books around twenty times, along with dozens of fanfictions based off of the series. My friends and family have suffered through hour-long rants on subjects such as Snape being the worst character, racism in the writing, and how characters such as Fleur and Lavender are a projection of Rowling’s own internalized misogyny. (Warning: spoilers for the Harry Potter series below!)

The Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling is arguably one of the most well known book series in modern times. With over 500 million copies sold worldwide, these books have been read by millions of people. The story follows orphaned main character Harry Potter as he learns he is a wizard and has a mortal enemy that he will consequently face every book. Harry begins to study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which is presided over by Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore was written to represent the Mentor character that is so commonly found in any Hero’s Journey type of story; however I do not believe Dumbledore deserves any praise. I believe that Albus Dumbledore was the true villain of Harry’s story.

Before I dive into the prompt, I would like to first clarify that this is actually not how Rowling had intended for her character to be interpreted. Although she has to be accredited with the fascinating world-building of her series, I don’t like to provide her with any unnecessary praise. Rowling has shown through her social media that she is transphobic, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and racist. Her judgment is incredibly flawed and therefore reflected in her work; Rowling truly believes that Dumbledore should be praised.

In the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, young Harry is sent to live with his non-magical Aunt and Uncle proceeding the murder of his parents. While standing on the end of the street and conversing with Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore says, “It’s the best place for him— His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he’s older. I’ve written them a letter.” (pg 14.) The Dursley’s were incredibly neglectful towards Harry, border lining on the edge of abuse. Harry often went days without meals and spent weeks locked inside the cupboard under the stairs. In Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, book number six, Dumbledore finally explains why he allowed a child to grow up in such horrible conditions. Since Lily Potter sacrificed herself to protect Harry, that protection would continue as long as he spent at least one day a year with her blood relatives. Dumbledore could have easily found a magical family to take Harry in, and have the boy visit his aunt and uncle once a year. It was completely unnecessary for him to be raised by them, yet Dumbledore simply did not care.

Throughout the series, Dumbledore manipulated nearly everyone around him in a variety of ways. One example of this was his relationship with Rubeus Hagrid. In the year 1945, the Chamber of Secrets was opened by Tom Riddle, (young Voldemort.) During a flashback scene, a suspicious Dumbledore has a conversation with Tom Riddle and asks, “Is there anything that you wish to tell me?” (pg. 245) regarding the Chamber. Dumbledore already knew that Riddle was the one to open in, yet he stood aside and did nothing when Hagrid was later blamed. Once Dumbledore was appointed as Headmaster of Hogwarts, he allowed Hagrid to become a gamekeeper for the school. Poor Hagrid views Dumbledore as his savior, which the old man uses to his advantage. Dumbledore was constantly having Hagrid risk his life and freedom by running errands for him. On page 59 of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Hagrid performs magic after Uncle Vernon insults Dumbledore. After his expulsion from Hogwarts, Hagrid was banned from doing magic. He is so blindly devoted to Dumbledore that he is willing to break laws to “defend his honor.” When the Chamber of Secrets is opened again in book two, Dumbledore stands aside and allows Hagrid to be taken to Azkaban, the wizard prison, even though he knows Hagrid could not have opened the Chamber.

Dumbledore is consistently described as a great and powerful wizard. Readers are meant to believe that there is nothing the man can not do. It is true that Dumbledore was extremely talented. We know this because of his part in defeating Grindelwald in the 1940’s, the various awards given to him by the Ministry, and him being appointed Headmaster of the school. Yet Dumbledore did very little to help defeat Voldemort, instead opting to use two generations of child soldiers. The Order of the Phoenix was an organization that he started in the 1970’s, which was made up of mostly 18-20 year old's that were fresh out of Hogwarts, Harry’s parents included. During the May 2nd 1998 Battle of Hogwarts, the majority of the fighters were teenagers. And where was Dumbledore? Well, he was conveniently dead by then, after plotting with Snape in the previous book to have him be “murdered.” Dumbledore was selfish and careless when he essentially raised Harry to be a sacrificial lamb, knowing that he was Voldemort’s 7th horcrux all along.

“Help will always be given at Hogwarts, Harry, to those who ask for it.” Dumbledore loves to emphasize how Hogwarts can essentially be a home and family for those who do not have one. That is, if they are in Gryffindor. Although Rowling paints members of Slytherin house to all be evil and conniving, that is not at all true. (Not that Rowling considers Snape to be the only redeemable Slytherin, which I completely disagree with.) Horace Slughorn and Regulus Black are examples of Slytherin characters who bravely fought against evil in their own special ways. In Regulus’ case, he sacrificed his life to further hide one of Voldemort’s horcruxes. Slughorn was able to put past his sense of pride and divulge vital information to Harry, even though it embarrassed him. But Dumbledore believes that being sorted into Slytherin House is like having the world EVIL branded across your forehead. When a young Tom Riddle was sorted into Slytherin, Dumbledore no longer made any attempts to help the boy. Much like Harry, he was a half-blooded orphan who had no idea of his heritage before coming to Hogwarts. Seeing as Harry was a Gryffindor, he was given extra favors and help from Dumbledore that prevented him from becoming evil, which was a very real possibility. Even after his time as a student at Hogwarts, Tom Riddle returned to the castle seeking out a job as a teacher. Dumbledore refused him the job, which would have been an excellent opportunity to keep Riddle in check and prevent him from becoming the monster that is Lord Voldemort. But Dumbledore turned him away, and is therefore responsible for the man he later became.

Although the Harry Potter series is marketed towards elementary school children, I have realized that as you mature, there is so much more that you will take away from the book series. Rowling’s intended themes are one of love, death, and friendship. Looking deeper, you realize that the story is essentially the story of two boys. By the neglect and manipulation of Dumbledore, one became the greatest villain, and the other the greatest hero.

[pascalpanic]

Cigarette Daydreams

Pairings: young Javier Peña x young f!reader

Inspiration: Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant

Summary: Javier drives all night in the rain, wondering what went wrong and where. How he lost you, the one woman he’d ever loved. 

W/C: 5.4k

Warnings: language, talk of death, lots of talk of sexual content but nothing explicit, lots of angst, emotions are running high here, talk of poor mental health. this handles some heavy topics so please be warned. set in the 60s so there’s a really brief mention of being drafted. 

A/N: So this is a song I like but it’s really emotional, as is this fic. I just wanted to explore what Javier would’ve been like when he was young. It’s not necessarily all in chronological order but I kind of think it makes sense... let me know if it doesn’t. thank you to all my friends/beta readers who helped me with this one, like @leonieb, @feelingmadclever, @theteddylupinexperience, and a bunch of others :)

Javier smoked his first cigarette with you. It would become a lifelong addiction: the cigarettes, that is. You, on the other hand, were a yearning he could never satisfy. An addiction is something you can feed; you can dull it by giving it exactly what it wants. Javier wanted you, still wants you desperately. The difference is that he cannot have you. 

It’s been years since he last saw you. Since he last heard your enchanting laugh, smelled the warm scent of your hair product as he kissed the top of your head. He thinks about you all the goddamn time. What life would be like now if you hadn’t gone your own way. He misses you like hell, but he’s sure you’re off and married and conquering the world in your own way. He’s never tried to find out. He’s too scared it’s true. 

-

Laredo was more of the place you told people you hailed from. The name was recognizable, easily: oh, you’re from the place where A&M’s other campus is located? Exactly, you’d respond, and it was much less of a hassle. In reality, you and Javier both grew up in a small community out in the farmlands near Laredo. 

You’d grown up with him. Everyone in the town knew you, and they knew Javi equally as well. He was an interest of your community: from the day you took those standardized tests in second grade, everyone knew that Peñita was going places, but his temper held him back. His emotions consumed him. 

He was blonde as a baby; you’d seen in photos, scattered around Chucho’s house. His hair gradually grew darker as he grew older, and your classmates all teased him. You didn’t remember a time where his hair was lighter than a dark blonde, being a child yourself. But it was an evolution that matched him, you had come to realize in your adult years. 

Not only was he smart, he was a born athlete. Javier was always a bit smaller than the other boys, but damn was he quick. He could run and run and no one could match him. That’s what made him so successful in early football training. From the start, Chucho enrolled him in football, despite Alejandra’s weak protests. She gave in when she saw her baby in a helmet and massive shoulder pads, grinning at her with one front tooth. 

You and Javier were not in the same circles as children. He played with the boys on the field, always the running back when they played football or the offense when they played soccer. He had a temper, though. If there was ever a scuffle on the soccer pitch, you could bet Javier was one of the fighters. You, on the other hand, sat in the shade of the elementary school building, reading book after book. 

His mother was beautiful. She had long dark hair that smelled of something exotic and warm, and she had a smile with a dimple in one cheek. She brought treats to your class on his birthday, which was in November. She read books to your class on her assigned story days, Javier cuddled into her side. He adored her. 

Alejandra Peña died when you were in sixth grade. You can remember the way the class was silent the next morning, Javier’s desk empty. You nearly threw up from the emotion when you heard that she was gone. Your eyes blurred with tears. The loss was inconceivable to your twelve-year-old brain. 

You rode your bike past his house that night. There was a lamp on in the room you knew to be his. His silhouette paced back and forth through the small, second-floor bedroom. You didn’t know what you could do or say, and so you rode off through the neighborhood. 

His hair grew even darker after that. What had been a dark blonde became a light brown as middle school progressed. His anger flared up. He would throw punches when the kid acting as referee made a call Javier deemed to be bullshit. 

You were something different. Javier found you fascinating the first time you truly interacted, seated together for a class. You were fourteen then, his face just starting to grow a bit of dark hair on his jaw. You were absorbed by your books, hardly talking to anyone and even sneaking it under the table during lectures. 

One day, he called your name to catch your attention. You didn’t notice it, lost in your own world. He snatched the book from your hands and slammed it on the table. “Hey. Princesa, we got work to do.”

You frowned. “Give it back, Peñita.”

“Only after we finish this assignment. I don’t want homework tonight.” He stuffed the book in his backpack and tossed you a pencil. 

“I won’t do it until you give it back,” you bartered coolly, crossing your arms and sitting back in the chair. “And I have more willpower than you. That’s a fact.”

He glared at you for a moment, the both of you staring the other down. It lasted quite a while, more than you expected. Javier broke first, handing you your book and grumbling over the worksheet. 

You became better partners after that. Javier even apologized for it two weeks later. You forgave him, and something about his smile made your heart flutter around in your ribcage. 

That started the friendship. You’d walk together in the halls, chatting about your parents and sports and homework for the night. Then middle school became high school and things changed between you, even though nothing you did was different.  

Javier had always been a good athlete. He became the first-string running back for the high school, leading them to state his freshman year. When you walked together in the halls now, there was an expectation from the others. Boys and girls only walked together if they were couples, and a star football player was a coveted date. 

You’d explained that to him. “Javi, as much as I love you, and you know I do, people are gonna think we’re together. I don’t want you to have to deal with that,” you’d pleaded. “I’d be ruining your chances. I think it’s better if we walk separately now.”

Javier nodded. He had to play along. He couldn’t let you know that in the past few months, he’d begun to feel things for you he’d never felt before. He had dreams about you at night, the kind where he’d wake up to damp sheets. He’d noticed your body changing, and his changed too. He thought about you when he’d lie awake at night, his hand in his boxers. The hormones were beginning to pump through Javier’s blood in a way that may have never really ever stopped. 

From then on, you’d walk alone in the hall. Your nose was buried in a book at first, navigating it alone. Then you’d made friends, and you’d talk with people as you slammed your locker shut. You’d give Javier a wave, leading him to be roughhoused by his teammates who took him in as one of their own. 

You became different from him. You were known for being an artist and a writer. You embraced the loving spirit of the 60s’ culture and made warm oil paintings of fields and flowers, wrote poetry that won awards, and even wrote a collection of short stories. You weren’t a hippie, but you were artsy. Javi became a bit of a jock. 

The pressure grew to be too much in the middle of Javier’s junior season. It was the end of fall. You were both 17. You’d stopped maintaining a friendship now, far from as close as you’d been in the earlier days. You waved at him in the hall and that was it. It changed when the stress of being an athlete pushed on Javier’s brain until it popped. He quit the team, spending his time after school in his bedroom at home. He no longer proudly wore the team’s t-shirts or his letter jacket. 

You heard about it through rumors. You didn’t talk to Javier. He kept his head down in the halls now. There were dark circles under his eyes. He’d sit in the library for hours, forcing himself to cram knowledge into his brain. If he wouldn’t be going to college for football now, he figured, he’d better get smart fast. 

You’d sat at a table across the library as you worked on your chemistry homework. You glanced up. Javier looked down. He’d been looking at you. You stared at him until he looked up again. “Can I sit with you?” You’d mouthed, and he nodded. A small smile graced his face. 

Packing up your textbook and papers, you dragged a chair over. “Hi, Javi,” you said. Your voice was quiet and painfully soft. 

He smiles a little. “Hey, princesa.”

It’s quiet for a moment, the both of you staring at your papers and pretending like you were working. You weren’t. “I missed you,” you finally admitted after the silence passed. 

His heart skipped a beat. “I missed you too. Probably more than you missed me.”

You shook your head. “I was wrong. I liked walking with you in the halls. I miss that, I miss us,” you admit, your hand resting over his. He looked up at you with the big brown eyes you’ve always loved, and your smile softened. “Your hair is so dark now, Peñita.”

He nodded a little. “It just keeps going. I don’t know if it will ever stop.”

“You’re funny,” you chuckled and retracted your hand. “How have you been? I heard about the football thing.”

He sighed softly. “It was too much. Not me, not anymore. I hated it.”

“Who are you now, then?” You asked quietly. 

He looked up at you. “I don’t know.”

You’d smiled. “I can help you find out.”

-

That’s how your friendship began again.

It wasn’t a friendship for long, not with how you noticed Javier had changed. His hair was that warm, dark, chocolate color, his nose finally fit his face, he’d grown stronger and leaner and taller. He’d acquired a different sense of confidence, a different posture and walk. But it was clear: he was still your Javi. The one who stole your book all those years ago. 

You’d grown even more beautiful over your time apart, he noticed. You’d become self assured and confident too and it showed. You had a little mean streak, and Javier loved it more than life itself. He got a little weak at the knees when you’d tease him. 

He’d become a social outcast, essentially abandoning his place in the social hierarchy that high schools provide. When you knocked on his door a few days later, Chucho answered, slightly confused. “Hello.”

“Hi,” you said, smiling apologetically. “I’m a friend of Javi’s, I’m here to study with him.”

The older man was a mirror of Javier many years from now. He had a strong nose too, and a worn face. It made lines when he’d smiled. “I didn’t know Javi had many friends anymore.”

You shrugged. “Well, I think you’re right. But… I’m here.”

Javi jogged down the stairs, frowning when he saw his father at the door. You came inside and studied and Javier couldn’t help but to beam at you. Studying wasn’t much of studying. As you’d sidetracked the work and started conversing, Javier leaned in as if he was going to kiss you. You stopped him, but kept his face close. “Not now, Javi. I want it to be perfect. But I do want to kiss you.”

He’d panicked when you’d stopped him, but your words reassured him, and he breathed a chuckle. “Sneak out with me tonight.”

You agreed. 

12:30 A.M. rolled around. You pocketed a pack of your dad’s cigarettes and a lighter and rode your bike to the pond nearby. 

Javier sat there waiting. He was wrapped in a leather jacket, jeans covering his long legs as he sat by the side of the pond. Crickets chirped and birds called and when he looked at you, your heart fell apart in your chest. It never really glued itself back together. Not even to this day. 

You sat next to him, and he put an arm around your shoulders. You couldn’t wait any longer, and you leaned in and kissed him and he was absolutely perfect. His soft lips pressed back against yours, those hands buried themselves in your hair. You broke away a second later and both of you grinned at each other. It was only seconds more before he pulled you in for the second kiss you’d ever had in your life. 

That night was not only Javier’s first kiss but the first time he smoked a cigarette. You pulled one thin stick from the pack and placed it between his lips, lighting the end. 

He was a natural at it, unlike you, who’d tried before and choked and spluttered on the smoke. You were better at it now, able to handle yourself. He breathed in and out and passed it to you, and he looked so effortlessly cool and sexy and beautiful that you didn’t take a drag, you grabbed his face and kissed him again. 

You were so many firsts for Javier. His first kiss, his first cigarette, his first fuck. You’d done it in the back of his truck, on a hot night where you parked in a field far from the town and rolled all of the windows down. You finally got to feel his strong body, got to feel his passion for you as he tugged on your lip with his teeth and pushed inside of you. It was sheer bliss for both of you, even if he never made you orgasm that night. 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to figure that out. Javier was a natural, his hands wandering and feeling everything your body had to offer until they found just the right spot to make you cry his name into the hot Texas night. You snuck out with him often, smoked and fucked in his house when Chucho was gone, or by that pond. 

You talked a lot after. You were the first he opened up to about his mother. He missed her like hell. He told you that he wanted to work in some kind of law enforcement. He thought drug enforcement might suit him. You opened up about your own trauma to him, and he held you as you cried into his body. He’d kissed your forehead and told you he promised that nothing would ever happen to you when he’s around, and it was completely believable because Javier was like some deity to you. He was strong and warm and loving and kind and beautiful and you thought, truly, that he could do no wrong. 

He never betrayed that trust either. Javier was a wonderful boyfriend to you in the daylight hours too. You’d study together, go on bike rides or just drive around in his truck. You spent almost every weekend with him. Chucho adored you too, loved your humor and kindness and most of all, your love for his son. Your family didn’t like Javier much, so you simply avoided your house with him. 

Javier was so proud when he first pulled up your driveway in his truck soon after you began again. He worked for the Villafañes down the road as a farmhand, a summertime assistant to the aging man who lived there. He saved his earnings all summer and split the cost with Chucho. He’d had it for 8 months and it had been on the verge of the junkyard the entire time. 

It was a piece of shit, and you both knew it. It was a deep red, rusty and broken down. The shocks were terrible and made it bounce like a bull in a ring. It didn’t matter, because it was his.

He’d pick you up in that truck and drive all night. The two of you sang along to the radio, then would talk, then make out in the backseat and drive again. You loved Javier, and you admitted it quickly. He said it immediately after you. 

People looked at you like you were crazy when you held Javier’s hands in the hall. Wasn’t he a mental case? Who would give up something like he had, and for no apparent reason? You didn’t give a shit, even if your friends told you Javier was no good. They didn’t know him, didn’t know that his middle name was Fernando and he hated it and that his mother’s favorite gem, ruby, was yours too, that Chucho told you Javi wanted to marry you someday or that Javier loved to nudge your neck with his nose after sex, both of you warm with the hot Texan air flowing through his open windows. 

You told them they didn’t get it, and they said you were the one who didn’t. You’ve got everything going for you. Why risk it with the nut job?

Javier remained a pariah, an outcast, but you didn’t give a shit. You called out his name in the hall and waved, sat with him at lunch and laughed until you choked on the terrible school meal. You were loud and affectionate, and it brought Javi back from the fringes of high school society he’d been banished to. 

Javier worked in fields and barns to earn money, building his muscles. You worked in customer service, building your restraint. Your town had opened a drive-in restaurant a few years before, complete with roller-skating waitresses. Being a skilled skater, you signed up. 

It was fun, but a pain in the ass some days. Customer service was rarely enjoyable. 

The highlight of the summer after your junior year was Javier pulling up to the restaurant every few days. “Peñita!” You’d squeal and put in an order for just what he always wanted- strawberry milkshake, double patty cheeseburger, large fries. 

“Hey, Princesa,” he’d mumble back with a small smile, leaning in for a kiss. He looked like a Texan James Dean, white t-shirt cuffed and worn jeans. His dark hair was gelled back, though much of it fell loose from his long day of hauling crops for Don Villafañe. This coolness was contrasted by his shitty truck, dust caking the windows, and the fact that he was far from blonde now. 

You’d fold your arms over his open window and kiss him, tripping over your skates in your excitement. He’d laugh and tease you, and he’d always give you the cherry off the top of his milkshake. You began telling your coworkers to put two cherries on top, so that he could have one too. He still gave both to you. 

During your senior year, Javier gave you his class ring. It was large and bulky on your fingers, thinner than his, but it made you beam with pride as you walked through the halls. You’d cried when he gave it to you, promising he’d replace it with a diamond someday. You knew it would never last that long. 

Senior year was uneventful. You went to prom with Javier, wearing a peach colored dress. Javier wore his father’s tuxedo with a tie to match your color. The photo was awkward but sweet, the two of you clearly in love. You graduated equally uneventfully, and the two of you spent the night in his truck, out in a field, promising sweet nothings through the sound of skin slapping skin. “Here’s to the class of ‘66,” Javier murmured into your neck. 

You had big dreams, and Javier’s were far different. He planned on attending Texas A&M, not far away. You’d earned a fantastic scholarship at a small liberal arts college in Upstate New York. You both knew these things, but Javier seemed determined to make it work. He knew the two of you loved each other; shouldn’t that be enough?

You felt guilty the entire summer. You had anxiety attacks quite a bit, felt that you were leading Javier on. Then, another part of you thought, he must know. He must not believe you could pull off a long distance relationship with only letters and phone calls. 

Javier passed the summer blissfully unaware. He was young and in love: he thought there was nothing that could go wrong. You still spent time together, more than you ever had, in fact. Something gnawed away at your insides as the time passed. 

On the rare days neither of you worked, you’d find somewhere deserted and sit with your legs dangling from his tailgate. You’d nick liquor and cigarettes from your parents and share them, laughing and talking. Planning a future you knew wouldn’t come. 

The day before you left, you spent the day with your boyfriend. You had a picnic dinner, complete with some stolen beers from Chucho’s refrigerator. You sat on a blanket in a nearby field, watching as the afternoon dwindled down to an orange-hazed sky. 

As the sun set, tears formed in your eyes. “Javi?” You asked him softly, your voice cracking. 

“What is it, princesa?” He returned, pulling you closer into his side. The tall grass swayed around you, and you bit your lip to stop from choking out a sob. 

“I love you, Javier. And I always will.” But as you said the words, your actions said otherwise. You removed your class ring from your finger, placing it in his palm. “But, I think… I think we need to be our own people for a while. Maybe someday we’ll meet again. Maybe things will be different, but I’m going to New York and you’re staying here. Fuck, you could be drafted, and I-“

Javier stopped you, pulling away and looking at you in the face. His eyes showed his heartbreak. “I thought we were gonna get married, be together forever.”

You choked out a sob. “Javi, I want to. I do. But I can’t. I can’t live that kind of life.” You wanted to travel, to do things, to live freely and be whoever you wanted. Javier wanted to stay in Laredo and work in law enforcement. The two weren’t compatible.

“There’s nothing stopping you,” he begged, taking your hand in both of his. “Please, I’d move to New York with you, or you could go to A&M with me, please,” he asked, his eyes welling with tears. “You’re the love of my life, baby.”

You couldn’t look at him. The emotion was too much to bear. “Javier,” you whined and pulled your hand from his. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

His heartbroken stare makes you cry harder into your hands. You stood, ready to find your way to the road and walk home. 

Javier caught you by the waist, then removed your hands from your face. “I-I understand. I do. But… kiss me one last time?”

You stared at him, tears staining your face and his cheeks equally damp. You nodded and Javier cupped your face, kissing you slowly and lovingly. It was tender and bittersweet. It was not the way you’d kiss him at the drive-in restaurant or in the back of his truck. It was not the way you’d sneak a kiss goodbye in front of Chucho. It was desperate. You both knew what it meant. Maybe that’s why it lasted so long. 

You broke away and pressed your forehead to his before finding the dirt road and beginning the walk home. You needed to finish packing, and was getting dark. You didn’t dare to ask Javier to drive you home. You feared you might change your mind if you were around him a second longer.

-

Javier never saw you after that. It was partially serendipitous and partially out of effort. 

When he returned home on winter break or for Thanksgiving, he contained himself to Chucho’s house, or he’d see one or two friends he still had. That was about it. If he knew you weren’t in town, he’d go out and have a good time. It would all go downhill if you were there, and he knew it, so he resigned himself to long nights with his father. 

You wanted to see him again. You drove past his house many times when you were home from New York, seeing the light on in his old room again. Every time, you stopped just a little longer than you should have at the stop sign yards from his house. You contemplated pulling into the driveway and begging him to take you back. It never happened. 

Once or twice, you even caught a glimpse of dark-chocolate hair through the front windows of the house. It made your heart stop and your eyes tear up. 

You moved out of town when you graduated. You started a career near your college, far from your hometown that was almost considered Laredo. Your wish was fulfilled. 

Javier’s was too- well, only partially. He stayed in Laredo. He worked in law enforcement there for a while before he got picked to work with the DEA. It didn’t matter what kind of job he got. He didn’t have you, and that made him miserable. 

You’d been the one to save him. Now he didn’t even know if you still had the same last name you did when he slipped his class ring onto your finger, when he murmured your full name and promised one day that he’d get you a gorgeous ruby and diamond band instead of that class ring and he’d change that last name to Peña. 

-

Javier got a new truck recently. It’s nice. The first car he ever bought that wasn’t used, actually. It’s a deep red, the same color of his first car. Ruby, he named it. 

He thinks about you all the goddamn time. Nothing could change that, not time or hookups. He sighs as he thinks about the years since you’ve seen him, while he drives around in the pouring rain. Why? How?

He never slept around in college, too lovesick and still hoping you’d call and want to meet with him, would want to rekindle what you’d had. 

He forced himself to get moving after that. He had a few girlfriends when he worked for the Webb County Sheriff's Office. He even got serious with one. 

Lorraine was beautiful and kind and funny. He loved the way she’d shotgun a beer and then kiss him, her lips tasting of the fermented liquid. She was a good time, a great partier. He asked her out and things went well, he supposed. 

She wanted different things from Javier. He’d been starting to grow restless, wanting to leave Laredo. Lorraine, however, wanted to settle down. She wanted the whole thing: a big ranch-style, a fireplace in the living room, four or five babies with Javier’s brown eyes, running around and laughing. 

As much as he wanted it, he couldn’t. He nodded along and played the game, telling her that he’d do that for her. He’d provide for her and give her all the kids he wanted. He’d be a good father and a great husband and everything would be good. 

It was more to himself that he said those things. He wanted to believe they were true, really, but he had the feeling you’d had years ago. He wanted her, wanted such a calming life, but at the same time, he didn’t want it. He wanted to get out and do things and feared being fenced in. 

He proposed to Lorraine. Got her a nice diamond ring and everything. She’d cried and kissed him and he’d forced himself to smile but it wasn’t genuine. At least she didn’t know that. 

The wedding was planned. It was going to be a grand affair for the town, nearly everyone invited. Everyone was like family to the members of the town. Lorraine got an expensive, fluffy white dress and Javier bought a tuxedo. 

The ceremony was supposed to start at 5:00. Everyone sat patiently as the clock ticked past it. They didn’t know a thing. They didn’t know Lorraine was pacing the church basement, her heart clenched in fear. No one had seen Javier. Not even the groomsmen. 

Then it became 5:10, 5:30. At 5:45, Lorraine’s mother began to quietly tell the church that the ceremony wouldn’t be happening today. The disgruntled attendees left, wondering what happened. 

Javier had ran. He drove out of Laredo, straight for Dallas. He wanted out. He’d left early in the morning, not even saying goodbye to his father. He was already on a plane to Washington D.C. when the bride realized she was no longer getting married today. 

He got a job working for the DEA. They’d offered him one a few months ago, but he’d declined. He wanted to stay in Laredo with Lorraine, he’d bluffed. Things hit the fan when he began training for the new job. 

He fucked every woman in sight. He didn’t care who they were: if they wanted him, he wanted them. He never stopped smoking, developed a love and almost dependence on whiskey. When he went to Colombia, he paid for his first ever escort. 

It was what he deserved, he told himself. The one woman he’d ever loved left him. He had left the one person who ever gave a shit about him. Ruined her life and left her with a sense of anxiety whenever she was in that church’s basement as she remembered. 

He doesn’t deserve attachment. He doesn’t deserve someone caring for him. That’s why he sleeps around. That’s why he’s left so many lovers in the dust. 

Stop thinking about that, Javier tells himself. He whips a U-turn, opening the window and hanging a hand out of it. It forces himself to return to reality, to get out of his goddamn head and to not crash this new truck. The rain pelts his skin and he frowns. It never rains around Laredo, and it’s the one night he’s in town. 

He pulls into the old drive-in restaurant, thinking back to the happy days. He can still see your baby-faced grin as you skated over to him, long legs pushing you along. He could nearly taste the strawberry milkshake on his tongue. It’s closed for the night, since it’s in the early hours of the morning now. 

He jumps as a car pulls into the spot next to him. He looks down, knowing that whoever it is will likely recognize him. Everyone recognizes him around here. He’s not in the mood to talk.

“They’re closed,” a voice calls out from the other car, and Javier’s heart stops. He’d know that voice anywhere, even if it spoke a different language. 

He looks up and his eyes meet yours for the first time in twenty years. They’re still just as beautiful, still glimmering. “Peñita,” you breathe out as it clicks in your mind. 

He’s aged beautifully. His dark hair is neatly pushed back, though it’s a little shorter than he used to keep it. His face has lines now, heavy from the stress of his job. His eyes look weary and tired. 

You get out of your car. Javier does the same. You look at him, standing there, with a new truck that’s the same color of his very first piece of shit pickup. “Nice truck,” you comment. 

He smiles softly. “Thanks. It’s new.”

You walk around the front of your car, eyes wide in disbelief. There’s hurt on his face and you know you’re the cause of it. “Javier… I missed you.”

He looks down at you, now standing right in front of him. “I missed you more.”

You throw your arms around him and hug him tight. Your eyes water with tears as you squeeze him, wishing this moment would never end. He hugs you back, those arms still strong and protective. 

He presses a soft kiss to your head. He mutters his nickname for you quietly. His voice is different now, huskier and deeper. It’s a beautiful sound. His lips are buried in your hair but you can hear it all the same. “Princesa.”

-

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Jensen’s Day

Summary: TJ approaches Jensen on how to best to handle the unexpected discovery of many of the reader’s childhood things. While the pair work out how to do that, Jensen spends some quality time with the other kids too...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 7,300ish

Warnings: language, angst, period talk, minor injury, fluffy dad Jensen

A/N: This part takes place in Jensen’s POV and after the TJ’s talk timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Hey,” said a voice at the door. I jumped and looked over the top of the computer screen, TJ smirking. “I scare you?”

“Pft, no,” I said. I typed out the rest of the sentence, TJ wandering over to the leather chair in my office JJ normally used to read in. “I’m kinda in the middle of something. Can it wait?”

“Oh. Sorry,” he said as he went to stand. I waved him back down and shook my head.

“Read a book or something. I’ll be another few minutes,” I said. He turned his body back towards the bookcase, picking out one on homes. He flipped a few times and I glanced over at him, going back to the screen. I wrote out a few more lines and read it over, pretty satisfied with it. I set a reminder for myself to come back to it later and spun around in my chair. “So. What’s up?”

“What are you working on?” asked TJ as he flipped through the book still.

“Actor stuff,” I said.

“You always work on actor stuff with parchment paper next to you?” he asked. I looked over my shoulder and saw the paper and envelopes, TJ probably recognizing them. “Writing letters?”

“If you must know, yes, I am. I was. I prefer to handwrite them but I started this one on the road this week so I’ll write it down later,” I said. “So. What’s up?”

“Y/N started doing that, writing letters for the kids,” said TJ as he put the book back. “After the accident and all.”

“Yes, I know. What’s with the intrigue?” I asked.

“Well, you’re a sap. I needed some advice,” he said. I rolled my eyes and he cocked his head. “Oh yes. Clearly you’re a hardass.”

“Sometimes I miss the day you came over the first time and were scared shitless of me. Good times,” I said with a smile. I nodded and he got up to shut the door before taking a seat. “What are you up to?”

“Well...it’s complicated,” he said. “Like supernatural level complicated.”

“The show?” I asked and he shook his head. “TJ, buddy are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just…” he said. He reached into his back shorts pocket and pulled out a manila envelope. He handed it over and I opened it up, pulling out a few sheets of papers and photos. I recognized the face immediately, TJ sitting up on top of the desk. I smiled and TJ laughed. “You never seen baby pictures of Y/N?”

“No. We thought they were all lost. There were a few things from her parents we found but only a few boxes and her teddy bear. A few pictures but none of when she was little,” I said, smiling at the one of her in a onesie passed out asleep on her dad. “He looks young.”

“Her parents were older than you guys, right?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, a lot older. Just only ever saw them on that home video. Y/N had a picture once she said but some dickhead foster parent burned it,” I said. I pouted and felt TJ’s gaze on me. 

“I get angry about stuff that happened to her too sometimes,” he said. 

“Just don’t stay angry,” I said and he nodded. I turned my head at one of the sheets and went wide eyed. “Is this her birth certificate? How the Hell did you get this? It looks like the original.”

“It is. Long story short, I’m working on a renovation right now on the east side of town. Out in the suburbs, average home, nothing like this place or even ours to be honest. They needed an architect for like two days at most. Older couple. I got talking to them and we come to realize, I’m standing in Y/N’s old house.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It’s the one she grew up in. It’s her house,” he said.

“Small fucking world,” I said, leaning back in my seat. “I thought they ditched everything in the house after it went up for auction.”

“So did I. So did Y/N. Apparently, this couple packed up a lot of the personal stuff cause they felt wrong about throwing it out. They shoved it in some bins in the basement and forgot about it until this week. Jensen, I got bins full of photos and awards she won as a kid and stuff of her parents and did you know she was a ghostbuster for Halloween? I didn’t know that.”

“Neither did I,” I said. “Why not tell her you found this stuff?”

“Part of me is scared that she knew, that she didn’t want to deal with it. Maybe she wanted to shove it away. I don’t know. You know her as well as I do. What do you think?”

“I know she almost cried over a teddy bear when she was seventeen. I know when she saw that home video she almost cried. But I know both those times it was happy tears that would have happened. You know as well as I do this would mean the world to her.”

“I know it would which is why I need your help. How do we tell her?”

“Oh so you want to make a big elaborate thing out of it all I see.”

“I bet I could get at least your sappy letters level of waterworks,” he said.

“I’ve taught you well,” I laughed. “We’ll come up with something. Oh and I got something for you.”

I reached into a desk drawer and smiled as I pulled out an envelope. I held it out to him, TJ staring as he saw “Thomas James” written on the front.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“Always keep an ace up your sleeve,” I said as I stood. I pushed it against his chest and walked past him. “It’s your first letter kid.”

“What?” he asked quietly. I turned around and smiled. “But I’m not…”

“Yeah, you are. Your dad’s a shithead and I don’t know when or if he’ll get his act together. Either way, you deserve better. I ain’t perfect. Not even close. But I do know you love your kids and for me that means all five of them. We don’t really care about blood relations around here if you haven’t picked up on that by now,” I said. He stared down at the letter and back at me. He nodded quietly and I laughed. “Read it in private and when you’re ready, we’ll figure out something for our girl.”

“Jensen. Why am I getting this now?” he asked as I reached to open the door.

“Cause you asked me for help on something that will bring my daughter joy. Cause you love her as much as the rest of us. Cause I felt like we’re at that place now where we can talk like this with no hesitation. Maybe cause you caught me writing letters and I was in a sappy mood. The letters aren’t always about a birthday or a wedding. Sometimes it’s just moments. Oh and you gotta work on your hand writing kid. Your kids are never gonna be able to read your chicken scratch.”

“I don’t…” he said as I smiled. “I tried writing one once and it sucked.”

“Considering your children can’t read yet, I think you got the time to figure it out,” I said. “Arrow and I are going golfing in a few. Wanna come?”

“I would but I have swim lessons with Allie. She’s getting pretty good. Y/N worries.”

“Never noticed,” I said. “Enjoy it. They’re only little once.”

“I will. Say hey to Arrow for me, Jensen.”

Two Hours Later

Arrow groaned as she sat down in the passenger seat of the cart. She took a swig from her water bottle and raised an eyebrow at me when she caught me staring.

“What?” she said, a little snippy.

“Can we try that nicer?” I asked. She rolled her eyes and sat back, crossing her arms. “Arrow, if you don’t want to golf with me today why’d you ask if we could go?”

“I thought we were going mini-golfing,” she said.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. She shrugged and I turned in my seat. “Arrow…”

“You were like...excited about it and stuff,” she said. “It’s fine.”

“Well as good at this as you are, I’d much rather we go do something we both find fun. Okay, munchkin?” 

She shrugged and I drove up the path, headed back to the clubhouse.

Twenty minutes later she was in the front seat of the car with her head against the window and eyes shut. I frowned and reached over to touch her forehead. It was warm and bit sweaty but she popped right up.

“What?” she snipped again. I looked at her for a moment before it clicked. 

“Not feeling great?” I asked. She shook her head and I smiled. “Okay. I know just how to fix that.”

“Not something you can fix,” she mumbled.

“Oh, this I know how to fix. Trust me.”

“How’s that feel?” I asked when we were curled up on the couch in the TV room about half an hour later. 

“Better,” she said, a light blush over her face as she held the heating pad to herself. 

“We don’t gotta talk about it if you don’t want to,” I said.

“My friends dads don’t really talk to them about you know, periods,” she said with a wince.

“That’s too bad. They’d be able to make ‘em feel better if they did,” I said. “You’re already more of an expert on this than I am but your mom and older sisters say after the first year you really start getting the hang of what to expect and all that.”

“You can stop cramps?” she asked, happy for a moment.

“No, you can’t do that. But you learn what day it’s gonna happen and you learn what medicine works best for you, what makes you feel better best. Y/N got one of those heat pad stuffed animals for your sister. I hear heat helps.”

“Dad, this is kinda gross to talk about you know,” she said.

“Like I said, we don’t ever got to talk about it if you don’t want. Just...know you can.”

“I got that from when I got it and we had that talk. I don’t need it again,” she said. I held up my hands and returned my attention to the TV. “Dad. I’m sorry. That was mean.”

“S’okay. You got a lot going on right now inside you. I’ve lived with women a long time. I’m used to it at this point,” I said.

“Why does Zepp not have to deal with this?” she asked.

“Well...he also can’t make a baby. You got that on him.”

“A baby and cramps. Thanks genetics,” she said. I chuckled and she crawled over, using my leg as a pillow. “Why do you boys get everything? They get to not have periods and stuff.”

“The grass is always greener on the other side, kiddo. I’m sure some days, especially in the mornings, your brother would much rather be you right now,” he said.

“Huh?” she said.

“What grade do you take health class again?”

“Eighth,” she said.

“Oh. Okay. We’ll save that one. Better yet, you’ll find out when you’re thirty,” I said.

“Dad I know what sex is. Biology class. Make a baby,” she said. “Duh.”

“Oh really? Didn’t realize you were so grown up and all now,” I said, ruffling her hair. “What if you want to not make a baby?”

“They you don’t do it. Duh,” she said.

“Right, right. We’re gonna get you a book to explain all this to you,” I said, Arrow rolling her eyes. JJ wandered inside, hands behind her back, lifting up onto her tip toes. “I see someone wants to borrow the car.”

“Please? I’m just going over Tom’s,” she said.

“You’re going over the Pad’s to make out with your boyfriend you mean.”

“Tom is so not my boyfriend for the like, gazillionth time,” she said.

“Why you going to his junior prom then? As his date?”

“We’re just friends. Like, everybody does it,” she said. “I’m his best friend, like of course we’d go together.”

“What do you think? Is Tom just a friend?” I asked Arrow, a shit eating grin on her face.

“She doesn’t know-” said JJ, a loud crash happening somewhere in the house. I hopped up, the two of them following after. 

“Zepp,” I called, jogging up the stairs. “Zeppelin.”

I rounder the corner into his room, spotting him on the floor, with a hand on his head. He looked away and I knelt down, putting a hand over his.

“Let me see,” I said. He winced and I pulled his hand back, spotting a gash on his forehead. “JJ, get me a towel please. Quickly.”

I heard her leave and I saw his desk chair flopped over on the ground.

“We told you not to stand on that thing, Zeppelin…” I said, seeing the spot of red on the corner of his desk.

“Sorry. It’s just a cut. I’m okay,” he said. 

“I’m not mad, honey. Promise you won’t do it again?” I asked as JJ came back and handed me a towel.

“Yeah. Don’t have to worry about that,” he said. I put the towel against his head and looked at his eyes. 

“Did you pass out?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I’m okay.”

“I know you are tough guy. We’re still going to urgent care,” I said. “JJ tell Tom to come over here. It’s getting late and I don’t want Arrow home alone.”

“We’re not going with you?” she asked.

“Do you really want to go sit in a waiting room for a few hours?” I asked. I helped Zepp to his feet, glad when he didn’t stumble. She shrugged and I turned to Arrow. She looked worried and I pursed my lips. “Well if you want to come, let’s go. Otherwise, JJ stay with your sister.”

I walked out ahead of them, Zeppelin groaning when I took his arm to walk down beside him. I sighed and left them in the kitchen while I grabbed my phone and wallet.

“Alright,” I said. I shooed them out to the garage, the three of them piling in their usual spots. I put the radio on low as I drove, a call coming in quick on the dash. I pressed the button on the wheel and forced a happy voice. “Hi hon-”

“JJ just texted me that her brother hit his head and he’s gushing blood everywhere,” she said. I shot her a look in the passenger seat and she mouthed sorry. “Jensen.”

“De he is not gushing blood. He has a little cut. We’re driving to urgent care right now,” I said. 

“Mom, I’m fine,” he said from the back.

“Were you standing on that chair again?” she asked. 

“On the way home, we’ll stop at home depot, get a step ladder. Problem solved,” I said. “I don’t even think he has a concussion. We’re just being careful is all. Alright? How’s your parents?”

“Fine. I’m gonna head home early,” she said. 

“De. We’re fine. I’ll let you know as soon as he gets checked out, okay? Nothing you can do in the meantime,” I said. “Say hi to your folks.”

“Jay are you sure…” she said.

“Honey. I am absolutely 100% positive. He is fine. I promise,” I said. 

“Alright. I’ll talk to you guys later okay? Love you.”

“Love you too,” I said before I hung up.

“You’re totally freaking out on the inside,” said JJ.

“Thank you for texting your mother. Guess who’s not hanging out with Tom tonight now,” I said.

“When was I even gonna go?” she said, rolling her eyes.

“How you holding up back there bud?” I asked as I got on the highway.

“I’m fine for the millionth time,” he said.

“Mhm. Sure you are.”

Three Hours Later

“Hey doc,” I said as we finally were getting out of there with a small bandage on Zeppelin’s head and an ointment for the cut in my hand. “I mentioned to the nuse, he uh, he had a head injury when he was a toddler. It was a hard hit was all, no concussion or anything. They told us to watch out for more of them is all and I know it was just a smack to the head tonight but he’s okay, right?”

“He shows no signs of anything aside from a cut and some bruising. It doesn’t warrant an MRI,” he said.

“I know. I just…” I said, trailing off when I saw Y/N’s friend Kelly walk by in the background. “Kelly.”

“Mr. Ackles! Everything okay?” she asked.

“Zepp hit his head tonight,” I said.

“You do an MRI?” she asked the other doctor. He seemed a little miffed but shoved the chart in her hands and she rolled her eyes as he left. “He’s kind of an asshole, don’t take offense.”

“None taken,” I said. “They said he’s fine but...you know.”

“Send the little shrimp back here and I’ll take care of him,” she said.

“I always knew I liked you,” I said. I got Zeppelin from the waiting room and she sent him off for a quick scan, letting me wait in the hall just outside. “Y/N said you were going for pediatrics if I remember?”

“Yeah. Kids are less of complainers than adults typically,” she said. “How’s Y/N? We haven’t hung out in a bit. Her babies still adorable?”

“Like always,” I said. I smiled and she looked a little a bashful. “It’s okay that you watched my show, Kelly. I’ve always known.”

“Really?” she asked, pursing her lips. “Y/N promised she wouldn’t ever tell you.”

“Oh she didn’t. The you saying holy fucking shit to Y/N when you saw me in the backyard for the first time kind of gave it away,” I said. 

“Yeah, subtly isn't really my strong suit,” she said. I chuckled and she shrugged. “To be fair, like all of our friends think you’re the hot dad.”

“I know. It’s great to tease Y/N with,” I said. “Mind if I ask you a question while we’re waiting.”

“Shoot,” she said.

“Y/N. Why were you her friend? You know that’s a hard shell to crack. She doesn’t have a lot of them and most of those are TJ’s. Nothing wrong with that. Just wonder what made you say hi to the new girl at school.”

“This isn’t going to sound great but basically I had this ex boyfriend. He was like a dick once I told him I wasn’t ready to like, you know, do it yet and we broke off and like six months go by and then I had my new boyfriend at the time but this old ex was still like a super dickhead to pretty much every girl in school that wasn’t super popular. He was...he bullied her the first few days.”

“I never knew that,” I said.

“It was only a couple days. By the third day, she was fed up with it and snapped back at him. He didn’t like that so he shoved her and I just walked over and told him to back off of her. She just looked so...not scared but like, defeated you know?”

“Unfortunately yes, I do.”

“I guess we just talked about how much of a dick he was and we sat together at lunch and she eventually warmed up to me by the time we graduated.”

“She liked you before that. Trust me,” I said. “You’re a good kid. You’re gonna be a good doctor.”

“I hope so,” she said.

“So super fan. I gotta ask cause I also love to torture my children’s friends. Sam girl or the other one?” I said, giving her a smirk.

“I’m not answering that,” she said.

“In a way you did,” I chuckled. “Shoot Y/N a text sometime. We’ll get you hooked up with some con tickets sometime.”

“That’d be so cool!” she said. “If it’s no trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” I said as the door opened and Zepp came out. “How’d it go?”

“No bleeding,” said the tech that walked out and handed a slide to Kelly. She walked over to a wall and stuck it up to a light, nodding her head.

“He’s good. You guys are all set,” she said.

“Thanks Kelly.”

“I want pizza,” said Arrow about five minutes later as I texted De that everything was good from the truck.

“I want tacos,” said Zeppelin.

“I want pasta,” said JJ, looking at me. “What’s for dinner?”

“Well since we all agree it’s so simple,” I said with a chuckle. “How about cause at least two of you have felt crappy today we splurge a little and don’t tell mom.”

“Like what?” asked JJ.

“We will get italian food and tacos and the most unhealthy dessert we can find on the menu,” I said. “Eat whatever you want tonight.”

“Don’t we do that always?” asked Arrow.

“Yeah but dad’s a on a diet,” said JJ. I rolled my eyes and she held up her hands. 

“I wasn’t on a diet. I had a cholesterol test and didn’t want to get yelled at by the doctor thank you very much,” I said. “But that was yesterday and I’m a free man now. We can go home and have leftover chicken salad if that’s what you guys want.”

“Not at all what we said, right guys?” said JJ.

“That’s what I thought you’d say. Seatbelts and someone look up some menus on their phones.”

One Hour Later

JJ burped from her seat, Arrow letting out one herself, the pair of them giggling as they dug into their desserts. Zeppelin shockingly didn’t want his so I saved it in the freezer for later. I figured the pain meds they’d given him had finally kicked in. I was cleaning up at the sink, the girls in the movie room when he came up behind me and gave me a hug.

“Feel any better?” I asked. I spun around and returned it, a little surprised when he snuggled into my chest. I ran my hand over his head and he took a deep breath.

“I’m really tired, dad,” he said. 

“That’s the medicine they gave you. How about an early bedtime tonight and you’ll wake up feeling a lot better in the morning.”

“Okay,” he said, still not moving. 

“Alright, alright,” I said. I moved back and squatted down, hoisting him up, legs wrapping around my back. “You better not be taller than me or else this is gonna get real difficult once you hit your growth spurt.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, resting his head on my shoulder.

“I gotcha,” I said. I got him upstairs and set him down on his bed, Zeppelin out by the time I tugged his covers down. I pulled them up over top and kissed his head. “Night kiddo.”

I turned off the lights and went downstairs, tidying up and pouring myself a glass of whiskey. It burned a bit but the good kind, not too overwhelming. I was about to head to the movie room when I caught something on the floor. I picked up the note and smiled.

DAD CHECK FRIDGE

“Well what did you leave us,” I said to myself, opening it up. There was a casserole dish with a note taped to it and I pulled it out.

Made an extra serving of chicken penne (tons of cheese for you). Just stick in the oven and I figure you four can survive another day without mom. Tell Zepp to stop trying to crack his skull open while you’re at it. Love ya. - Y/N

“What would we do without you and your mother,” I chuckled. I heard someone calling my name and I poured more whiskey into my drink. “Please don’t be twilight again. Please please don’t be that again.”

I carried the glass over to the tv room, the girls bundled up on either side of the couch. I didn’t make a face when I saw the sparkly vampire on the screen and was pretty proud of myself. They both started to laugh and I shook my head.

“Dad we know you hate it,” said JJ. “We wanna watch one of your movies.”

“Well well, tonight is a good time to introduce you two to a little movie called Tommy Boy.”

“Night giggles,” I said, the girls heading up to bed after the movie. I stretched out and went to my room, going out on the balcony and taking a seat outside, closing my eyes as I leaned back. “So. Got another question for you guys if you’re in the mood for listening tonight. TJ found some photos and some of your guys stuff. Not quite sure what the best way to give it to her is though. I feel like some fanfare should be involved. Nothing crazy but you know, make it special. Any genius ideas and I’d love to hear them.”

I took a sip from my drink, a light breeze in the night air.

“Someday I’d appreciate it if I got a little more feedback. Just saying,” I said. “She was a cute kid. Still cute but you know what I mean. Just want to get this one right.”

I sat outside for a while, texting for a bit until I got a bit too cold. I locked up and walked around the house, arming the security system before I climbed into bed. I groaned as I plopped down, barely getting my phone on the charger before I was curling up to sleep. My eyes wandered over to the phone when a text from TJ popped up.

Read the letter. Thanks. Means more than you know. Honestly.

Just don’t forget what I said, k? Night TJ

Night Jensen

“Now if only the other three could find ones like that, then we’d be pretty damn lucky,” I said to myself. I chuckled when I saw one last text pop up. I rolled over in bed to De’s side and used her pillow, snuggling down into it. Three more days and she’d be home again to help stop the crazy. Or at least slow it down.

The Next Day

“Alright so I came up with the perfect way to do it last night,” said TJ as he walked into the gym where I was running on the treadmill.

“I hope you knew how to do it before considering you have a child or else this is going to be very awkward.”

“Smartass,” he said. 

“One of my best qualities,” I said as I hopped off. “Hit me with it.”

“A letter,” he said with a smile.

“You want to write her one go right ahead but…” I said with a shrug. “It’s definitely important but it’s not a letter kind of thing for me.”

“You literally write sappy letters for your children’s life changing events all the time.”

“TJ. I didn’t make these things or buy them for her. Her parents took those pictures. I can’t write a letter. It’s not my gift to give.”

“It’s not a gift though. It’s-”

“TJ, I’m not writing one. You don’t force that shit. Not the important shit. You should write her a letter and tell her how you found the stuff. That’d be really sweet.”

“So you don’t want to be involved in this now,” he said. I took a deep breath and stared at him. “I’m just trying to understand why you’re changing your mind.”

“I’m not her dad, TJ,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “I’m not the guy in those photos. It feels awkward if I did that. Those are her memories. You found them. This is totally your thing. You do whatever you want or I’ll help but I’m not writing her a letter, alright?”

He scoffed and I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes.

“TJ. Enough.”

“You’re so fucking stupid. For someone really smart you’re an idiot, Jensen,” he said as he turned to leave.

“Excuse me but why don’t you say what you have to say to my face,” I said. He stopped and turned around, walking over to me, his jaw clenched. “What.”

“If she ever heard those words out of your mouth, it’d destroy her. You literally do not understand how important you are to her you idiot.”

“I understand perfectly well how-” I said before TJ audibly growled. A part of me was happy for a moment at that reaction. Obviously he was pissed and trying to do something to benefit Y/N. For the most part though I had no clue what he was talking about. “Clearly I don’t understand what this is about so-”

“You fought for her, Jensen. I wasn’t there but I know how it was when she came to this house. She ran away. She didn’t want to be here. But you made her a promise, that you cared. No one cared about her for years. I don’t think even you know how deep that hole inside of her was. None of us do. But she tried because you were so damn adamant. Everyday it terrified her. Until it didn’t. Until you got from that first day to now. Jensen you ever tell her you’re not her father to her face and I’ll kick your fucking ass.”

I blinked a few times and frowned, opening my mouth to speak but nothing came out. 

“You are her father. She had two. That’s all there is to it. If you think you’re second place or that she loves you any less, you haven’t been paying attention good enough. There is no dad that raised her and dad that adopted her. It’s just dad to her, that’s it. Why don’t you stop being the scared one for once, take a page out of her book and put some fucking trust in your daughter that she loves you just as much as her first father. Understand that?”

I swallowed and nodded, walking out the side door and to the backyard. I walked down to the dock and took a seat, closing my eyes as I exhaled.

“Jensen,” said TJ behind me.

“I got the message kid,” I said. 

“I’m sorry for...I just don’t understand why you’re afraid of believing her. What she’s saying isn’t a bad thing.”

“No,” I said as he took a seat beside me. “But I don’t want to wipe away who he was or who her mom was either. I am her second father. I didn’t get unconditional love off the bat like you do with your own children. I guess part of me is afraid she’ll decide it’s conditional again one day.”

“Do you get why I called you stupid?” he asked.

“TJ, I know how I have always felt but it wasn’t like that for her. That’s okay. But I can’t…” I shrugged.

“Can’t trust that she won’t hurt you and say it’s conditional again?”

“Exactly.”

“Funny. A seventeen year old girl found a way to trust you. You’re fifty one and you should know better than her.”

“I’m older and bigger and stronger but I’m not tougher. She had the hard job all along. Just don’t know if she knew that.”

“You know...I know some of the nitty gritty details about the accident. Y/N told me a month back. She didn’t want to but I needed to know, for myself.”

“Did she now,” I said, looking out at the water, watching as a boat went past.

“I know you’re alive because of her. I know you two fought pretty good during it all. I know she screamed at you that she wasn’t leaving you. The girl kept you alive when you should have died. I don’t know what more she has to do to prove to you that there is nothing you could do to make her not love you unconditionally. So suck it up and own that you’re her dad. Write a fucking letter, don’t write a fucking letter. Just stop being scared of her hurting you. She stopped being afraid of you a long time ago.”

“I thought you were kinda nerdy when we first met,” I said. “That was the first time Y/N called me dad actually.”

“You’re a nerd,” he said and I smiled.

“You are as kind and gentle and as much of a best friend to her as I could ever hope for. I love you kid. But I’ve never seen you mad like that. Wasn’t sure if you were capable of it. Now I know you will do anything for her, even jeopardize a relationship with me, one you need in your life too.”

“I care about you but nothing will ever be more important to me than her and my children.”

“I will think about writing a letter,” I said. He nodded and I returned it. “For the record, you so couldn’t kick my ass.”

“I could still try,” he said.

“I suppose you could. Let’s not ever test it out,” I said. He hummed and I stood up. “Thanks kiddo. Always get a little wrapped up when it comes to her for some reason.”

“Not a bad thing,” he said. 

“Can’t wait to see you freaking out over your daughter. Ah, that’ll be nice. Let’s have this chat when she’s sixteen.”

“Your daughter is sixteen,” he said with a smirk.

“Shut up. I don’t even want to think about whatever she gets up to with that boy,” I said.

“Just fyi, she’s a smart, innocent kid. Like innocent innocent. She talks to her sister. You’re good.”

“I’m totally not gonna shove you in the water now for that,” I said. “Come on. You can help me wash the cars.”

“What? Why?” he groaned.

“That’s what you get for coming in like a hothead. Come on. I might even let you drive Baby when we’re done.”

Later That Night

I’d just sat down with a sheet of paper and pen when I got a text from Y/N, tons of pictures of her from when she was little coming in.

OMG. TJ found these at my old house. Can you believe it! We’re gonna make copies of everything for you and mom.

I smiled and sat back, scrolling through them for a few minutes.

That’s awesome! We’ll take whatever we can get. You were pretty cute, tall munchkin.

I got in another bunch of pictures, stopping at a set in a frame. There was a black and white one of her and her dad from when she was little the two of them looking straight at the camera and laughing, a bit of ice cream stuck on Y/N’s nose. The one on the far right was one of us in a very similar pose after a day on the lake, Y/N cracking up. The center one was a little less crisp but it was easy enough to see that TJ had gotten a picture from the home video with me and her parents, this one of me and her dad giving each other a smile as a very small Y/N was passed between us.

TJ made this up for me. Isn’t it so cool? I love it so freaking much. It’s perfect. 

“Yeah it is,” I said. I wrote back and wiped off my face with the back of my hand, JJ standing there in the doorway when I moved my hand back. She walked over and gave me a hug and I showed her the photos, a big smile crossing her face. 

“That’s so cool. Y/N’s dad was a dork like you,” she said. 

“I’m Y/N’s dad ya dork,” I said, pulling her into a noogie. She laughed and plopped down on my knee, scrolling through my phone. I gave her a hug, JJ looking through the phone for a few minutes. 

“Dad. Why were you crying?”

“Got a little emotional for a second is all,” I said. “Sometimes I forget that I make her smile as much as her other dad did.”

“I like this one,” she said, turning the phone around, showing another one from the airport but not something I recognized from the tape. I vaguely recalled something to do with a bear and scratched my head.

“Uh oh,” I said as I glanced over at the main corridor. There was a teddy bear on the ground, not too far off from where I’d found that little girl a few minutes earlier. “Tell mom I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Don’t miss the flight doofus,” said my sister and I rolled my eyes as I stood up.

“Loser,” I said before I walked over and picked up the bear. I looked down at the other gates, knowing Y/N’s family had taken off that way. I started walking, trying to look around but these were big flights and there were a million people everywhere. 

I pursed my lips and kept going, looking all around before I felt something hugging the back of my leg.

“Hi Jay!” said Y/N, looking up at me as I spun around. I saw her mom shaking her head as her dad stood up and walked over.

“What’d we say about you staying with your parents?” I laughed. I held out the bear and she immediately looked relieved.

“You found Teddy! Daddy Jay found Teddy!” she said as she hopped up and down, squeezing the thing for dear life.

“Finding the bear might have been an even bigger crisis averted than before,” chuckled her dad. “I guess we Y/L/N’s owe you one.”

“I just saw it and figured it was hers. She’s having a rough day,” I said, glancing down as she beamed up at me.

“Oh yeah, clearly,” he chuckled. “You in college yet?”

“Uh no sir. I just graduated highschool. I might go in the winter if my plans don’t work out,” I said.

“Nothing wrong with manual work for a living.”

“I’m gonna try and be an actor,” I said. 

“Any good?”

“No idea.”

“Well, you better let me get a picture of you and the kiddo for if you make it big someday. We can say we knew you were before you were famous,” he said.

“I’d settle for not flopping on my face,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Come on you two,” he said, pulling out a disposable camera. I squatted down and Y/N gave me a hug. He took a few and laughed as I stood up. “I do not know what it is about you she’s so in love with. She’s normally quite shy around strangers.”

“Me too,” I said. “Hey munchkin. Do me a favor and stay with your parents for me? Please?”

“Okie dokie,” she said, skipping back over to her mom.

“Thanks for the bear and finding her, kid,” he said as I started to go. “I hope that acting thing works out for you. If it doesn’t, consider doing something with kids. You’re great with ‘em.”

“I don’t think I could handle more than whatever I end up making myself,” I said. “And maybe a kid like yours. She’s pretty easy going.”

“You got a long time ahead of you before you get there. Have a safe flight back, Jensen.”

“You too, Mr. Y/L/N.”

“Dad, hello,” said JJ, her hand waving in front of my face. I blinked and shook my head, smiling at the picture. “What’s that from?”

“I found her bear, gave it back to her.”

“How old were you?” she asked.

“Oh, only a few years older than you,” I said. “Still just a kid.”

“You should hang it up with our little kid pictures,” she said.

“I think I just might,” I said. “It never bothered you, us bringing your sister here, did it? You were young at the time and I knew we had a few rough first weeks but I mean even as you got older. You never felt like mom and I didn’t care about you guys as much right?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We got a big sister. It’s nice having one of those. We just wanted her to be happy I think. She tells me more stuff now that I’m older. I literally can’t imagine living her life. I just can’t. It sounds terrifying.”

“Only a part was. We gave her a family back, including you,” I said. I booped her nose and she smiled. “So. What are your plans tonight? Hang out with the Pad boys?”

“Nah. They’re doing something with Cody tonight. I thought we could hang out if you’re not going anywhere,” she said.

“No, no plans for me tonight. Why don’t you go round up the other two and we’ll go play some minigolf. How’s that sound?”

“Okie dokie,” she said. I smiled and she left the room. I picked up my phone and shoved it in my pocket, stretching as I stood up. I leaned over to my desk drawer and put the paper and pen back inside, a few envelopes with letters already in there. She popped back into view and I closed it up.

“All set?”

“Mhm. Are we taking your truck?”

“Let’s take Baby out,” I said, walking around the desk. “After you, kiddo.”

_______

A/N: Read the Halloween timestamp here!

[emries-library]

Graphic Novel: The Witch Boy by Molly Knox Ostertag. Scholastic. 2017.

Aster wants to be a witch, but in his family, only girls can be witches, and boys learn shapeshifting. But when the boys in his family start to disappear, Aster's secret witchery might be the only thing that can save them. This book could be enjoyed by teens and adults, but is best suited to 10-12-year-olds because of its very explicit themes. This age group will also be able to best identify with Aster's experiences of only just beginning to discover his talents and identity - and first coming to terms with the fact that that may not match what his parents envisioned for him.

Winner of the Best Mainstream Comic Prism Award, the Cybils Award, and the EBSCO SEE-IT Award, The Witch Boy's strengths of this story lie not only in the engaging storytelling and expressive - but not too scary - artwork, but in its diverse cast of characters. Aster's family may remind readers of the film Encanto and the large Madrigal family, where different skin tones, hair colors, and body types are widely represented.

Along with being a useful book for older children coming to terms with their identities, this text could also be a talking-piece for conversations about gender roles, especially in conjunction with library programming. Children - especially boys - could find that this book makes them feel more confident participating in activities or programming that is traditionally considered more appropriate for the opposite gender, such as sewing or cooking. Girls may also find themselves empowered to pursue sports because of Aster's friend Charlie, who loves baseball and basketball.