#the cause of death was sids

[f1inl3ey]

Sometimes my brain reminds me that my grandmother decided she wanted to kill her husband so she hired an undercover cop to do it for her, got charged with planning a murder, got 6 years, got out after 3 after being diagnosed with bpd, and then ran off and changed her name a billion times and I’m thankful I never met her

[insomniac-arrest]

Kids love violence and horror actually ❤️

it's so funny when people critique dark tropes and plotlines with "this isn't appropriate, people ACTUALLY going through this" because the human condition is like. very much the point.

[llycaons]

my parents are the poster children for things that can be fine but are STRONGLY discouraged in those parent classes. we all slept in the same bed. I was a home birth (midwife was supposed to come but never showed up). we just wandered around outside when we were young. like, adults were around but. ehh. we also did rock scrambling when we were like 5 and nobody ever got hurt but telling our city-born aunt that she looked like she she was about to faint. but like we were FINE it's just about being careful

[ehvanescent]

Wonder when my insufferable EverymanHybrid hyperfix will make its yearly return

[lixiesbrowniess]

WHAT'S WRONG OLD MAN?

Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, SMUT, sexual content, blowjob, p n v, unprotected sex, rough sex, virginity loss, MAJOR SIZE KINK, deepthroating, dub con, soldier boy's in his 60s so its around 1980s, you called him a grandpa... I guess he proved you wrong.

| Jensen Masterlist |

One shot: Soldier Boy x Actress!Reader

Synopsis: You're starred in a new music video with non other than Soldier Boy. He's technically in his 60s, but damn was he fine as hell. You're in your 20s but the director still chose to give you the sluttiest role you've ever played with a man that literally could've been your grandpa. Yes. You play hard to get, won't last long buuut.

WAS LISTENING TO THIS WHILE WRITING THE SMUT PART PLS I WAS WHEEZING AT SOME POINT LIKE YES I'D BANG WITH HIM.

"Cuuut." the director shouted running towards you while you immediately tear yourself away from Soldier Boy's crotch with an annoyed frown, the director walked towards you looking somehow upset, about to scold you cause for the third time in a row you weren't drooling enough onto Soldier Boy's crotch or not being slutty enough.

You rolled your eyes, as expected the director was scolding you again. And grabbing your wrist and tossing you around "You might be the youngest but thay doesn't make you less of a slut!" The director was shouting in your face. You yanked your wrist back making the older man flinch "Not my fault I don't want to rub myself against a fucking grandpa." You bite back harshly.

You didn't say that out loud, did you? You didn't, right?

You feel your blood running cold watching the director's face going pale looking at you. No. Not quite at you. Behind you. You didn't need to turn around to know he was behind you. And you swear you could feel his blood boil. The scent of whiskey and musk had your head spinning.

You act like you didn't notice, in an instant you excuse yourself to your dressing room, who was surprisingly big, btw. You could feel his eyes on you, following your smaller figure, wrapped in that tight as shit dress that barely covered anything.

You slam the door closed and curse to yourself, letting your body fall onto the sofa and closing your eyes. That was damn close. You could sense he was about to pounce on you. Probably to choke you to death or something. But how could an old man like him look so hot gross. You meant gross.

He had a fucking erection on set and didn't even bother to hide it. He looked even proud of it. And having it against your cheek in front of a camera really didn't made your day. You were lost in your thoughts and you didn't hear the footsteps walking towards your closed door. And you completely forgot to lock it.

You jumped on your seat, yelping at the sound of the door slamming shut, your eyes wide as they focus on the man standing in the centre of the room. Soldier motherfucking Boy was right there towering over you. That sure was intimidating, but so arousing at the same time.

Probably the whole set knew what was gonna happen the instant they saw him walking towards your room. Your throat felt dry. You kept on swallowing, but nothing worked; you opened your mouth to speak, but not a single sound came out of it.

He eyed you up and down. You probably were gripping your dress so hard your knuckles went white. He was still in his suit, but the helmet was gone, letting his wild, brown hair fell onto his forehead. "Cat, got your tongue?" His raspy voice blessed your ears as you shifted in your seat, shaking your head.

"You were so bold a couple of minutes ago. What'd you say again?" He walked closer, his tall figure hovering over yours. "Ah yes. You called me a grandpa." His voice lower as he now was mere inches from you. You kept looking away, trying not to focus onto his visible bulge, which was literally in front of your face.

You swallowed again, clearing your throat "Y-yeah I didn't mean it for real..." You stammered, focusing onto the floor now. Noticing his boots on each side of your little heels. You felt your legs weak. You don't think you could stand right now.

He raised an eyebrow, watching your smaller figure squirm in silence under his gaze. His rough hand grasp your chin sharply, turning it up to make you look up at him "You lie to me again imma fucking slam you to the wall understood?" He was pissed you could sense it. His gaze was harsh as he tightened his grip onto your face, squeezing your cheeks not so lightly.

You groan, knowing they'll leave a bruise. But the way he was looking down at you made a spark spread in your eyes. He must've noticed cause he smirked as he let go of your face. You massaged your poor cheeks, a tingling sensation where his fingers squeezed.

"I see what you are. You think I didn't notice the amount of times you look my way during every single break?" His hands get to work unzipping the costume letting his hard cock slap against his stomach. "Undressing me with those doll eyes." You weren't even listening at that point. Your head was dizzy with his heavy scent.

Your eyes fixated onto his erection, cock standing proud and leaking precum, angry tip almost begging for you to kiss on it. "Little whore, I knew I wasn't wrong about you." He chuckled to himself, his hand slid back onto your chin eyes roaming over your body.

"Suck."

You were brought back to reality hearing his request. No. It wasn't a request. It was an order. You didn't have much of a choice. But unlike your facade, you were for sure willing to do so. He stroked himself a couple of times while your brain was processing what was happening. He 'kindly' held his dick to your face, tip brushing onto your lips, leaving them glossy.

"C'mon, open up, sugar" he slightly presses onto the back of your head. You parted your lips, feeling him pushing himself into your mouth slowly but without any warning. He sighs in satisfaction while you find yourself holding to his thighs and choking onto his cock.

He looked down at you smiling "Oh I know that bratty mouth of yours can do better than this." You gasp, your throat was clenching around him as he pushed your head further, slowly and carefully. You let your jaw slack trying to accommodate his girth, tongue flattened as he shoved your head all the way to his crotch.

You fought your gag reflex as he bottomed out. Part of his lenght slid down your throat. Your nose brushed against his groin. "Oh fuck, that's right." He sighs throwing his head back. Tears prickled the sides of your eyes as he didn't even bother to move he just held you there. You tried to breathe through your nose, barely achieving the purpose.

He looked down at you, his hand onto your nape holding you still while you started to try and back away. "Not so cocky now, are we?" He held your hair in an arranged ponytail slowly, pulling you backwards, allowing you to take a breath before slamming his cock back into your warm cavern. Slowly thrusting to make sure you took him whole every single time.

Once he had enough he pulled your head away letting his cock slip out of your throat. You cough and suck in all the air you can, chest heaving with every breath. A string of saliva connected your lips to his tip, and you shamelessly groaned the view. His cock now glistening with your saliva, shimmering. You kind of missed the feeling of it down your throat already.

"Get up." Your legs moved on their own as you immediately stood in front of him. The authority in his voice makes you soak your panties even more than they already were. You desperately rubbed your thighs together. He lifted your chin, wiping the drip of saliva laying onto the corner of your lips. "So obedient when no one else is watching, huh? A fucking slut for me." He chuckles pushing his thumb past your lips.

You suck at his finger as if it was his cock, eyes fluttering slightly before he pulls his hand away. Soldier Boy pulls you flush against his body, you felt his hard cock against your stomach. He smiles, seeing the cock-drunk glance you gave him.

You yelp suddenly as he landed a slap onto your ass, the tingling feeling spreading as you were sure it was red all over. "Turn around, sweetheart." You face the couch now feeling his hand onto your back, lifting your dress slightly, before he decided to just rip it off.

Your arm moved to cover your breasts in reflex, which made him smirk wider. "How old did you say you were?" His voice deep and agaist the shell of your ear "22 sir." You manage to blurt out. He laughs, a rumble into his chest. "I could indeed be your grandfather." He lowly growled, his hand closes around your throat as you gasp.

"See? You're such a good girl, all wet and ready for me." He chuckles as his fingers play with the hem of your soaked panties before pulling them down. He positions a hand onto your back, pushing you forward, your hands stopping you from falling. You hold yourself up leaning to the headboard of the sofa.

He slightly kicked your legs, spreading them more. A blush spreading across your face as both his hands were onto your ass cheeks, spreading them, to allow himself to admire your glistening cunt, while you clenched under his gaze only. "Now, would you look at that." He groans at the sight. "Your pussy is begging me to split you in half"

You groaned, feeling his fingers ghost around your core and onto your clit. You buck your hips backwards, following his touch, which he quickly denies you. Teasing you and leaving you clenching around nothing "Such a needy whore" he murmurs smirking to himself before landing a firm slap onto your other ass cheek.

You squeal at the sudden tingling pain. His hand immediately rubs circles onto the red spot. You close your fists, squeezing the couch headboard. "What's wrong, old man? Can't find where to sink your cock into?" The words are full of need, you didn't even realize you've said them. You feel another spank, only this time it's directly onto your cunt making you cry out at the force, legs shivering.

He pushes your head onto the cushions, having your ass perfectly up in the air. He leans in, reaching close to your neck, his hard cock pressed against your thighs. "Oh darlin, I know exactly where to hit, don't you test me." He growls, getting back up and blowing onto your redden and swollen cunt. You hold back a moan as he does. He then grips your hips up and pulls them closer, he lines his cock up to your leaking hole, not wasting another instant he pushes inside you, barely half of it entering you.

He groans, feeling ur tightness, making it difficult to move, his hands rubbing your sides as he keeps pushing. "C'mon darlin relax, what are you a virgin?" He jokes, but as he can't manage to push further while you tense around him, and your little cries, he tilts your head back to face him. Your teary eyes meet his green irises. "Shit, you really are a virgin." He whispers, his hand slides between your legs as he leans over your back.

His fingers start to rub your clit causing your body to flinch against him, his other hand holding your hip against him. He kisses your neck and starts sucking onto your tender flesh. Your eyes flutter at the unexpected pleasure. As you finally start to loosen up around his cock, he starts to push inside you without stopping his moves onto your bud. His girth splitting you open, it felt so good, your cries slowly becoming shameless moans of his name.

He bottomed out, forming a bump onto your womb, your hand stroking it slightly. Your eyes roll back as he starts moving in and out of your soaked cunt, you moan loudly as his hips slam flush against yours. Your moans get whiny timing with his thrusts. He groans feeling your cunt clenching around him.

"Literal mentally a whore physically a virgin huh?" He chuckles holding your hips while you push back to meet his vigorous thrusts as your whimpers filled his ears. He kept his steady rhythm against your, making your body jolt forward every time his hips slammed against yours.

You felt heat pooling into your core as your cunt fluttered around his cock, you tightly gripped to the couch, burying your face into the cushion, your moans becoming high pitched "Ben I'm－" You feel your orgasm approaching quickly as he rolled his hips, his cock bruising your cervix deliciously.

"Yeah babe, cum for me, let go." With that you felt your overwhelming climax, you cum soaking his cock. He grunts, slamming against you as your velvety walls clench around him "F-fuck" You stutter as he keeps his hips snapping into yours, hitting deeper sliding with ease thanks to your juices.

Your moans become louder, the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room while he grunts and groans against your skin "Fuck you're so damn tight." He groans as his thrusts start getting sloppy, you can feel his cock throbbing inside you. You feel yourself cumming again as he buries himself balls deep into you shifting a little upwards, the bulge forming onto your tummy. He finally feels his own orgasm approaching.

He pushes himself even deeper, bulging out onto your lower belly. After driving himself into you a couple more times he cums shooting thick ropes, painting your walls white, filling you to the brim "Oh fuck yes" he lowly grunts before pulling out watching your body tremble before falling onto the couch. He grinned at his nice work, having you full with his cum, some of it leaking out of your cunt.

He tucks himself back into the suit in a hurry. Much to your surprise, he's still pretty hard. He reaches to your body, you yelp as he picks you up, throwing you on his shoulder, spanking your tender flesh, he slowly walks out, frightening the director who was about to knock onto your door.

Your cunt on full view while he walked out. "S-Soldier Boy, we might need to do some more takes of the last sce-" the director started "No that's wrap. Send it away. I'll see you tomorrow." Soldier Boy interrupted him, walking towards his trailer with you hanging from his shoulder.

"Got more important things to do so piss off."

[tsukimara]

hii! Can i request a death the kid × fem!reader please? I would love for it to be like one of them is really sleepy and the other cuddles with them to help them sleep? And reader is also really touch-deprived!

(I would also really like if the cuddling position was like hugging the other at the waist while laying down and like the other person is playing with the other's hair?) BUT ITS YOUR CHOICE

જ⁀➴ Sleepy cuddles

✰ Pairing: Death The Kid x fem!Touch-deprived!reader

✰ Summary: Reader is sleepy so Kid helps her fall asleep.

✰ Warning: None!

✰ Of course dear! I suspect you guys like DTK very VERY much (We love him ��) I'M SORRY IF THIS IS TOO SHORT.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

I heard another tired yawn next to me and of course it was my girlfriend who was studying instead of sleeping at night. Staying up late was actually a habit of hers that constantly worried me. Whether it was studying, playing games or other things, she did it all late. I have to change it somehow, luckily she stayed overnight because Patty literally dragged her here. [Name] had her head resting on her hand, slightly dozing off as Liz painted her nails and Patty did her hair.

"Whaaa Liz! You painted her nails beautifully!!" Patty exclaimed as she looked at [Name] nails which were black with white stars and a skull. "Right? And you too-" Liz looked at how messy Patty had made her hair, she had clips and tied hair everywhere. She was too sleepy to say anything so she let Patty continue. I didn't want her to be tortured like that so I got up from the chair and walked over to girls.

"Guys, I think [Name] should go to sleep now." Patty started to pout a little because she hadn't finished doing [Name]'s hair, but Liz placed her hand over her mouth, silencing her. "Come on Patty, let's go, lovers here prefer to be left alone." Liz quickly ran out with Patty before I said anything. Suddenly I felt someone hug me from behind and wrap their arms around me, causing a little pink to appear on my cheeks, knowing it was [Name]. I turned carefully to face her, she still had that terribly unsymmetrical hairstyle, so I took it all out of her hair while she just hugged me, burying her face in the crook of my neck. I was more used to the fact that she was so touchy, which didn't bother me at all. It was a cute sight.

"Let's go put you to bed. You look like Sid-sensei." She just said a quiet "hey" as she stopped hugging me and took my hand to walk towards my room.

We entered my clean room and climbed into my bed together. Luckily we had already changed earlier so we didn't have to worry about that now. [Name] immediately moved towards me and hugged me, putting her head on my chest and she wrapped her arms around my waist. I smiled, placing one hand on her back and the other hand on her head, stroking her hair to help her fall asleep faster.

"Goodnight sleepyhead." I kissed her head and closed my eyes to fall asleep with her.

➥ Soul Eater Masterlist ➥ Masterlist

➥ Rules request

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Newborn Senses

Sight

Over the first few months, babies may have uncoordinated eye movements.

They may even appear cross-eyed.

Babies are born with the ability to focus only at close range. This is about 8 to 10 inches, or the distance between a mother's face to the baby in her arms.

Babies are able to follow or track an object in the first few weeks of life.

Focus improves over the first 2 to 3 years of life to a normal 20/20 vision.

Newborns can detect light and dark but can't see all colors. This is why many baby books and infant toys have distinct black and white patterns.

Hearing

During pregnancy, many mothers find that the baby may kick or jump in response to loud noises and may quiet with soft, soothing music.

Hearing is fully developed in newborns.

Babies with normal hearing should startle in response to loud sounds.

These babies will also pay quiet attention to the mother's or father's voice.

And they will briefly stop moving when sound at a conversational level is begun.

Newborns seem to prefer a higher-pitched voice to a low sounding voice.

They can also tune out loud noises after hearing them several times.

Newborns will have their hearing screened while still in the hospital.

Smell

Studies have found that newborns have a strong sense of smell.

Newborns prefer the smell of their own mother, especially her breast milk.

Taste

Babies prefer sweet over sour or bitter tastes.

Babies show a strong preference for human milk and breastfeeding. This is especially true if they are breastfed first and then offered formula or a bottle.

Touch

Babies are comforted by touch.

Placing a hand on your baby's belly or cuddling close can help him or her feel more secure. Wrapping your baby snugly in a blanket (swaddling) is another technique used to help newborn babies feel secure.

You can buy a special swaddling blanket designed to make swaddling easier.

Don’t use swaddling if your baby is older than 2 months or is trying to roll over on his or her own.

Swaddling may raise the risk for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) if the swaddled baby rolls onto his or her stomach.

When you swaddle, give your baby enough room to move his or her hips and legs.

The legs should be able to bend up and out at the hips.

Don’t place your baby’s legs so that they are held together and straight down.

This raises the risk that the hip joints won’t grow and develop correctly.

This can cause a problem called hip dysplasia and dislocation.

Also be careful of swaddling your baby if the weather is warm or hot. Using a thick blanket in warm weather can make your baby overheat. Instead, use a lighter blanket or sheet to swaddle the baby.

Some mothers find their babies are comforted when worn in a sling or carrier.

Holding a baby for feedings is also important. Breastfeeding babies automatically spend several hours a day in their mother's arms.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ On Children

[msookyspooky]

I cannot help it my biggest peeve in the Scream fandom is ppl making Stu Macher obliviously stupid, naive and innocent 'Duuhhh, we're killing ppl??? I just wanted to impress Billy?? I never meant to kill anyone, Billy manipulated me!'

As if this man wasn't targeting his ex girlfriend, lured his current girlfriend to her death to get beers, had mutilated dolls hanging by their necks in his attic mimicking his ex's death, was bleeding out MORE than Billy yet still more dangerous than Billy by attacking Sid when he should be knocked tf out and looking like this the entire reveal.

Whatever alternate reality version of Scream Y'ALL are watching I wanna see it cause it ain't mine

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

her name is Carter for the same reason buddy's name was buddy. Charles sees it written on the inside back of her pants and calls her that, and by the time Edwin sees it and realizes it's just the brand of her clothes, the name's already stuck

I started writing a snippet of it, but... payneland "accidental baby acquisition" buddy the elf style? a ~6 month old girl dies of SIDS in the night while our boys are on a case, and her ghost crawls into charles's backpack without either of them noticing until they're back at the office

[imtryingbuck]

Unchained Melody

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: yns a ghost and Bucky falls in love

Word count: 5,257

Warnings: in this the blip never happened why? because I said so. swearing. ghost reader. death by fire. tiny mention of cheating, not reader or bucky. tiny mention of drugs, not reader or bucky. tiny mention of domestic abuse and child abuse. Me just making shit up, enjoy.

A/N: posting this in celebration of hitting 1k followers, I love you all🤍

Masterlist

You first saw him three years ago, shiny silver arm with a red star on the bicep shoulder length wavy hair - that you knew just had to be soft - you had watched as the team greeted him with smiles and his response? To look at them like they had just kicked his puppy. Walking at the side of Steve as you both showed him to his room, it was basic and dull not like the others your favourite belonging to Wanda, you was telling him all the things he could do with it - picking out a colour theme, that if he moved the desk over to the sid-

“I like it”

You looked at him like he had three heads on his shoulders. The room was bare and empty how could he have liked it?

As the days turned to weeks you stayed close to him, at first you told yourself it was just to help him settle in but the more times you spent with the man you grew a teeny tiny connection with him, even if he did ignore you all the time.

“So Bucky I was thinking maybe we could go to the gym and then get someth-hey where are you going? Rude.”

In a very non creepy way you liked to watch him sleep, his frown lines faded, the little twitches in his nose always made you smile, his soft snores filling your senses. Again it was done in a very non creepy way! But watching Bucky sleep brought you peace knowing he was oka-

“Bucky Bucky it’s just a nightmare it’s okay, shit, Steve! Goddamn Bucky please wake up! Steve Sam anyone!” You screamed in absolute panic the first time he had a nightmare.

“It’s okay Buck it’s just a bad dream”

“Yeah no shit Steve I’ve been shouting you for the last five minutes-hey don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to yo-you know Bucky I absolutely hate it when people shut doors on me when I’m talki-oh you’re asleep, oh okay night night I guess”

Over time the nightmares faded, he became more comfortable around everyone. Happier even.

The first time you saw him naked you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. You had walked into his bedroom - he was fresh out of the shower his hair dropping little droplets onto his broad soft back, he took his towel away from his hips in one swift motion causing your brain to fry up.

“I’m huh sor-Jesus Bucky you’re hu-shit I shouldn’t be seeing this, sor-I’m gonna go”

Leaving once again but not before taking one more cheeky look.

That went on for six months until one day you went to his room to check up on him noticing he wasn’t there you went to the gym, not there. Kitchen, not there. Briefing room, not there. You saw Tony walking past so you asked him but he didn’t tell you. You asked Sam, no reply. You asked Nat but she just carried on texting on her phone. So you went to find Steve but just like with Bucky you was coming up empty.

“He’s probably ventured outside finally” you told yourself as you waited for him in his room.

And you kept on waiting, and waiting and waiting.

It had been two and a half years since you last saw him. Nobody around you even talked about him despite you always asking them where he had gone or if he was okay.

It was like he was never there in the first place.

Steve ran past you as you was taking your daily stroll through the corridors, normally you would have followed him but since you had fell out with him you continued you stroll.

You did your first lap and were walking back towards the kitchen when you heard a familiar voice.

“-I’m okay, they got rid of my trigger words”

“I’m glad pal, you seem a lot happier. How was Wakanda?”

“It was good had my own little hut and had some goats” he chuckles, Steve joining in.

You did have to agree with Steve, Bucky looked happier. Healthier.

“Bucky” you whispered. 

Bucky’s eyes flicked away from Steve to over to where you were standing.

The two of you stare at each other, you not daring to move and him just looking at you that was until Steve broke the spell between you two.

“Buck? You alright?”

“I-um yeah” his eyes go to Steve and then back to the woman who was standing there. His eyebrows burrow in confusion as she wasn’t there anymore. “Hey Steve is there another person now a part of the team?”

“No why?”

“So who was that woman then?”

“What woman?” Steve asks as he turns around to look what Bucky was staring at.

Bucky then describes you and waits for Steve to answer.

“Buck there’s no one here fitting that description…” 

“Oh.”

“Are you alright pal?”

“Yeah, no I’m fine” He forces a smile.

For the first time in 15 years someone’s finally seen and heard you, going through all these years with no communication with anyone or having someone look at you and not through you had gotten easier as time went on. The first two years were extremely difficult and painful. You couldn’t understand why the construction crew was ignoring you and not listening to your pleading.

A year into the development of the huge building that was Stark Tower and now better known as Avengers Tower the building came to a halt when one of the workers screamed ‘we’ve found a body’, like everyone else you ran over to investigate. The burnt skeleton remains were taken away and two weeks later you heard the crew talking about the body-

“Apparently her name was Y/n L/n, died in the fire last year” Bobby the foreman said.

You laughed “that’s wrong because I’m right here guys” waving your hands around.

But nobody batted an eye or flinched when you jumped in front of them.

That’s when it dawned on you that you were dead.

You remember the day that you got your memories back from your death and it was all thanks to the bad guys who had attacked the tower.

*5 years ago*

The alarms were going off, bright red lights flashing, people were screaming and you was trying to calm them down. Helping Bruce and Nat lead people to safety, away from the destruction. The three of you and those that you was rescuing go down the stairs and Nat opened the door to the ground floor before she slammed it shut again.

“Nat we need to go” Bruce says with panic.

“We-we can’t go that way” she explains.

You knew why, you saw it as she opened the door.

The burning flames were pounding on the door that was stopping it from getting to any of you.

“Bruce we’ve got to go back up!”

Nobody batted an eye as you stumbled back and slid down the wall. Nobody batted an eye as you pulled on your hair muttering something that even you didn’t know under your breath.

They left you behind as you was transported back to 10 years prior.

*10 years before that*

You was sitting in your apartment, knees to your chest, trying to concentrate on what the couple on the screen was saying.

The raised voices coming from your fathers room we’re getting louder and louder as he argued with his girlfriend Lyra, her accusing him of cheating on her which made you laugh since you caught her having sex in the laundry room with the drug dealer that lived two floors up. Since she had no money for his supplies she had to pay in other ways.

Flinching when you heard the sound of skin hitting skin and closing your eyes tightly when you heard Lyra scream out. Your father always had a temper especially when he was drinking and since he had been laid off from the factory, drinking was all he did. A small vile part of you was happy that Lyra was around as it meant he no longer hit you, the abuse you suffered from the hands of your father started a week after your mother left him for another man, leaving you behind. 

Lyra came running out of the bedroom with tears streaming down her cheeks as the welt was already forming, your father soon following holding two lit candles in his hands he threw the first one and the next.

The next thing you knew was that the apartment you had grown up in was in flames. You was rooted in fear at not only the fire but as Lyra screaming at you to leave despite her being attacked by your father.

The fire had spread quickly throughout the apartment complex, screams and chaos all around you. You kept going down the stairs until you found yourself in the basement, with no idea of why you was down there, you tried to turn back but the flames pushed you further and further into the normally cold room.

*back to the present*

It scared you that now after 15 years you’ve been a ghost for that someone can now finally see you, it made you smile that it was Bucky that could but the question of why? Why now played on your mind.

Not even the medium who Tony brought in after heard “ghostly noises” couldn’t see or hear you, the “ghostly noises” that Tony heard was just Natasha and Bruce having sex in his lab, you promised the pair you wouldn’t say anything so you didn’t.

So you did the most rational thing. Avoided him.

Which lasted for two weeks until Bucky came onto your territory.

Minding your own business your eyes squinting at the sound of the door opening, hearing Steve’s voice you didn’t think anything of it.

“I’m telling you Buck this is the best place to hide presents, no one ever comes down here” it was true, the last time someone came down here was two agents who was trying to have sex and you wasn’t going to have that. People coming into your home and trying to do the nasty, absolutely not! So you started messing with the pipes and banging objects, causing them to stop and the woman getting scared, she ended up running away leaving the man who started calling her nasty names. He became your enemy. Not like you could actually do anything to him but the statement still stood. 

“If you say so punk”.

“I do say so.”

“Here grab these so I can get the rest”

With Steve leaving it was just you and Bucky in the basement now.

“Oh, hi I didn’t see you there” Bucky says.

“Yo-you can actually see me?”

“Yes…why aren’t I suppose to?”

“No”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a ghost”

Both of his eyebrows shoot up and he starts laughing “of course you are”

“No I actually am.”

“Yeah yeah, is this a prank that the spider kid has put you up to?”

“His name is Peter and no it’s not a pra-“

“Hey Buck who are you talking to?” Steve asks as he comes back in with more gift bags.

“Her” Bucky points over to where you stand.

“Bucky there’s no one there…”

“See I told you!” You say with your arms crossed.

“B-but”

“Look he can’t see me, even if I do this” You moved away from the wall and jumped in front of Steve who of course looks straight through you. “You’re the only one for some reason”.

Bucky pales, “but how?”

“Buck?”

“I-I need to go”

Both you and Steve watch him run up the steps and away from you.

“You know Steve, I didn’t expect him to have that kind of reac-oh yeah no its fine to leave it wasn’t like I was finished talking.”

For three weeks you kept you kept yourself isolated in the basement not knowing what it meant now that someone could see and hear you even if it was just Bucky.

Over the past 12 or 13 years you kept yourself to a routine but since Bucky had ruined that for you, you kept yourself occupied - okay you was going slightly insane.

Not realising that the door had come open you was completely unaware that Bucky was standing there watching you-

“Okay so the first order of business is that we need to take out the bad men who call themselves “The trash” in order to succeed we need strong men and women who will lay down their lif-“

You’re cut off by a laugh; you turn and see Bucky who winces at your screams.

“Sorry, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you”

“W-what are you doing here?”

“Were you talking to the mops and buckets?” He asks ignoring your question.

“That’s completely unrelated. What are you doing here?”

“You was weren’t you, hey don’t stop on my account you’ve got to finish your speech or they’ll leave”

“Yo-you’re making fun of me. Stop it” you mumble

“No I’m not, I’m just saying carry on with talking to the mops-oh is that a broom?”

“L-leave now please”

“Aw come on I’m only joking”

“I don’t find it funny, now leave”

He watches as you turn your back to him as you bring your hand up to your face, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Hey doll I’m sorry, I-I was trying to joke with you but it wasn’t funny I’m sorry”

“Whatever just leave”

Bucky listens and complies but as he reaches the top step he turns round and walks back down to you.

“D-doll I really am sorry. I just wanted to talk to you, I’ve been looking around for you and I figured I’d find you here”

“Y-you’ve been looking for me? Why?”

“Well I wanted to ask you some questions” he rubs the back of his neck with his left hand.

“Your arm…”

“Huh? Oh yeah it was a gift from Shuri, do you like it?”

“It’s very pretty” you say with a slight blush.

“Thank you” he too blushes.

“You said you had some questions?”

“Yeah, is it okay if I sit?” Pointing to an old couch that Tony had brought down many years ago.

“Of course”

Watching him sit on the dusty old thing brought a slight smile to your face.

“Are you going to sit?”

“Yep” taking the seat on the end and on the edge.

“So, you’re a ghost?”

“Yep”

“So, you’re dead?”

“Yep”

“When?”

“15 years ago”

“How?”

“Fire”

“Where?”

“Here”

“What?”

“My apartment complex was here before the tower was”

“Oh”

“Yep”

A semi uncomfortable silence fell between you two. He shifted and rubbed his hands on his thighs whilst you twiddled your thumbs.

Bucky broke the silence “how long have you been around us all?”

“Since more and more people came to the tower”

“Oh.”

“Yep”

Silence fell once again but this time lasted a good 20 minutes. 20 slow and painful minutes.

“H-how come you’re not in like heaven or hell?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Isn’t there any other ghosts you could ask?”

“There’s been a few over the years but none of them ever had any answers for me”

“May-maybe you need to do something or have something done to move you on?” Bucky shrugs.

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure. How did the fire start do you know?”

“My father” when he gave you a questioning yet shocked look you explained everything that you remembered that day.

“I’m so sorry ghosty”

“Ghosty?” You burst out laughing. 

“Yeah well I don’t know your name so…ghosty”

“Y/n”

Watching as his lips form your name sent imaginary chills down your spine.

“Y/n, I like it, did your dad go prison?”

“No why?”

“Maybe that’s why you’re still stuck here. I can help y-“

“But I don’t want to move on.” Cutting him off.

“Why?”

“Because then that means I’ll be dead”

“But doll, you are”

Standing up so you can pace around the small area “I know that but if I move on it will mean I’m dead dead you know?”

“But why? You’ve spent that past 15 years with no one seeing or hearing you. You really want to do another 15?”

“And another 15 after that if it means I get to be around people and I don’t have to be alone, I don’t want to be just gone and Bucky I’m not hurting anyone I swear!” You shouted at him, your last words more quieter, more like a whimper.

Finally admitting it to someone else hurt, admitting that you would rather keep being ignored and never seen by anyone ever again was better than being alone and dead. And yes whilst you was technically alone it wasn’t the same, you got to be around people, listened to their jokes or stories, listened to their complaints or worries. You was happy to continue to be a shoulder for them to cry on even if they didn’t know you was there or couldn’t hear you words of encouragement and advice.

And it was true what you had said to him, you wasn’t hurting anyone. You couldn’t even imagine of causing another person any form of pain, even when you was alive.

“Dol-no Y/n come back!”

Bucky was angry with himself. The first time he got to speak to her properly, he ruined it. The pain in her voice when she told him she didn’t want to be alone tugged on his heart.

He went to the basement at least eight times a day to apologise but she was never there. He knew that if anyone was walking down the corridor leading to the basement they’d be able to hear him talking to himself.

He walked with purpose down the corridor to Sam’s room, knocking on the door he grew impatient at how long it was taking Sam to answer, it had only been 5 seconds.

“What’s up Buck?”

“One I told you not to call me that. Two I need the computer thing”

“It’s called a laptop Buck”

“Don’t call me that. And can I have it”

“Sure you can Buck let me go and grab it for you Buck”

“I’m going to kill you in a minute”

“Of course you are Buck, here” Sam laughs giving him the laptop before shutting the door in his face.

Going back into his bedroom he goes on the internet just like Peter had showed him, he first typed in ‘Stark Tower fire’ coming up with all different things. Then he typed in ‘before Stark Tower fire’ which had only confused him more. Trying one more time he typed ‘Stark Tower apartment fire’ bingo!

Clicking on the first link showed him the apartment before the fire, during and after. He learned that the complex housed lower income families, that the fire was deemed as an accident due to faulty electrical systems.

Scrolling down further he stopped. The photo of you that he assumed was from school was there, the girl in the photo smiling back to him and next to it read ‘Y/n L/n died in apartment fire one week away from her 21st birthday. Her body has yet to be found’ and just a little bit further down was another link that read ‘Y/n L/n was found 1 year after the tragedy of the fire’ clicking on it he read more, how the construction crew had found her and how scientists confirmed that it was the body of Y/n’s. A photo was underneath the headline that showed the crew, Bucky had to do a double take when he saw you. Sitting on the floor looking out of frame with what Bucky thought was tears on your face.

Taking the laptop with him he ran to Steve’s room, rapidly knocking until the blonde answered.

“Buck? What’s wrong?” Steve says whilst rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Walking straight past his friend he goes to sit on the bed “come here and look”

Listening Steve sits next to him “when was this?”

“14 years ago but look, there’s that girl I described to you” pointing and looking up at Steve who scrunched up his eyebrows.

“Buck I can’t see anything…”

“Pretty girl on the ground looks like she’s crying”

“Bucky are you alright? You’ve not been the same since you came back from Wakanda. I can ask King T’Challa if you can go ba-“

“Steve listen okay this girl she’s dead. She died 15 years ago and I can see her, I’m the only one that can and I don’t know why bu-but I never saw her before until I came back-“

“Buck slow dow-“

“-but I ruined it between us and now I can’t see her anywhere I keep looking I do Stevie but she won’t appear no matter how much I beg her too an-and I think she hates me”

“Bucky please slow down! Tell me everything but slowly”

So he does.

Steve sits there dumbfounded by what his best friend is telling him, and the craziest part of it was is that he believes every word coming out of his mouth.

“Okay, let’s try and think of a plan together”

And they do.

The next day Bucky makes his way back to the basement when he hears your voice softly seeping underneath the door his heart skips.

“-I’m not sure” silence “maybe I should let him help me so I can move on” more silence “I’m just scared though”

“Y/n?”

“Bucky?”

“Hi um who are you talking to?”

“Just myself, so I came to a conclusion that I want you to help me move on. I’m ready and it’s time”

Bucky notices that there’s a slight hesitation in your words and he spots the way you gulp at the end of your sentence. “Well I have a better idea, I did a lot of research last night and I found out that you don’t have a headstone so I tho-“

“I don’t have a headstone?” You whisper.

It’s now his turn to gulp “No doll, it’s an unmarked grave but I know exactly where it is, where you are” He rephrases.

“Why? Why don’t I have one?”

Oh he hates it. He hates how small you sound; he doesn’t like how you’re twisting your fingers together. “I-I’m not sure doll” That was a lie.

Neither of your parents wanted to spend money on a funeral or a proper burial for you, so it was up to the county to do it.

“Is-is that why am not dead-dead?”

“I’m not sure, it might be… but listen I’m going to get you a headstone - a real nice one, and if-if you want you’ll always be able to go there and Y/n please don’t think I want you to leave because I don’t okay, I really don’t I just want you to find peace”

“I-you don’t have to do that Bucky, it’s a lot of money and I’m not worth a single penny”

Now his heart cracks. “Don’t say that, you’re worth it don’t worry” he smiles which doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s okay honestly I think there’s more of an easier, less expensive way to get rid of me. All we have to do is think”

“Y/n-“

“Come on we need to think”

“Doll there’s no need to think about anything, I’ve already gone through with my plan.”

“What?”

“The headstones being made as we speak and Steve’s getting everyone on board.”

The way your eyes bulge out would have made him laugh but he wills himself not to.

“Wh-what’s going on?”

“Sit and I’ll tell you” he smiles as both of you sit on the couch. 

On the other side of the compound the rest of the team sit with amusement written over their faces as Steve tell them about Bucky and his ghost friend.

“You two have lost the plot” Sam laughs.

“Would you two be able to be put into an old people’s home?” Nat wonders out loud.

“Probably as they’re both over 100” Tony retorts to Nat.

“Guys I’m being serious” Steve says with his hands on his hips.

“Wait when did you say the fire was?” Tony asks him.

“15 years ago”

“I remember that, there was only one person that died - many were injured weren’t there?”

“Yeah. Y/n was the unfortunate one”

“And she’s been here ever since?”

“Yes”

“So she knows us?”

“Yes. Look let me ring Bucky and get him to bring her up here and we’ll ask questions that no one else would know apart from her and see if she was around at that time”

The team nods so that’s exactly what he does.

“Doll we’re needed upstairs, the team don’t exactly believe me or Steve so they’re going to ask questions and see if you was there or not, is that okay with you?”

“Okay”

The both of you head upstairs and for some reason you’re nervous, something that you’ve never been when around any of them.

“So Barnes, Rogers here tells us that you can see ghosts?” Tony starts.

“Ghost. Just one” he answers. “Okay ask your questions”

“Where exactly are we looking?” Sam now asks.

Bucky gestures to where you stand and obviously all they see is nothing.

“Okay, I’ll play along. Little ghost was you there when I created my iron man suit?”

“She said no”

“Was it you who made ghostly noises?”

Bucky struggles not to laugh “she said no”

“Wait why are you laughing?”

“Because she told me who it was and umm Tony they weren’t ghostly noises”

“What were they then?”

“Sounds of pleasure” Bucky says as he winks at Bruce.

The team start laughing at Bruce’s bright red cheeks and when they notice Nat sinking further into her chair their laughs becomes louder.

“Okay okay I want to ask the ghost something next” Sam laughs.

“Her name is Y/n”

“Okay Y/n what’s my nightly routine?”

“I’m not saying that!” - “No Y/n” - “please don’t make me say it!” - “godsake fine! Sam your nightly routine is you have a shower, brush your teeth, you do 50 push ups whilst na-naked and then -I think I’m going to be sick- you wank off before going to sleep”

“Ah yes! I believe them, Hi Y/n”

“She says hi”

The questions continued for well over an hour, the team finally believing that she was-

“Holy fucking shit!” Tony shouts.

“What? Oh”

“Fuck”

Bucky looked at Y/n who was staring at him with a confused expression which he just shrugs his shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, guys what’s up?”

“W-we can fucking see her!” Sam shouts.

“What?”

“We can see her Barnes!”

It was true. They could all see you.

“H-how?” You stumble out, after all these years of being invisible and being unheard from everyone around you and all its took is for everyone to believe that you actually exist.

“I-we don’t know. This is crazy even for me” Tony says.

“You can hear me?”

“Yes sweetheart”

Months went by, you was now able to leave the compound by visiting the cemetery. You was there alongside the Avengers when your headstone was placed, each member placed a rose on the grave all giving you a small smile.

It took you some time to get use to being seen and heard, no more conversations with yourself as someone was always around to answer.

Yours and Bucky’s friendship grew, it would be a lie if you said you didn’t have a crush on him. And unknown to you he had a crush on you too. It hurt both of you because you knew it wouldn’t be able to work for the two of you with the main reason being that you were dead.

It was the anniversary of your death Bucky and Steve were on a mission which Bucky wasn’t happy about. You was walking down the corridor when Wanda ran out of her room shouting your name.

“Jesus Christ Wanda don’t do that again!” You scolded, still not use to the whole they could see you now thing.

“Sorry” she chuckled.

“It’s fine what’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong, its just-its better if I show you”

Frowning you followed her back to her room. “Wanda what’s going on?”

“So I’ve been working on something, for you-“

“For me?”

“Yes and I think I’ve managed to figure out a way to bring you back to life”

Blinking once, twice, you burst out laughing.

“Wanda that’s impossible”

“Not really…just come over here and let’s see if it works and if it doesn’t I’ll try again okay”

Doing as she says you stand in the middle of her room eyebrows raising as her fingers start to glow.

Nothing happens.

“H-how do you feel?” She asks hopefully.

“The same way I’ve felt for the past 15 years Wand, dead.”

Sighing in defeat “I’m so sorry Y/n I’ll keep try-“. Her words are cut off by a deep growl.

“W-what was that?” You stutter out.

“FRIDAY how many heartbeats are in my room?”

“Two Miss Maximoff”

“Who’s?”

“Yours and Miss Y/n’s”

“Catch” Wanda says as a book comes flying at you.

Wanda and you stand there facing each other with wide eyes. You caught the book.

“Oh my god. Wan-Wanda it worked”

After both screaming and crying your taken down to Bruce’s lab where your examined and blood, yes blood, was drawn.

Nobody could believe it and neither could you either but somehow Wanda brought you back to the land of the living.

Everyone promised not to say anything to Bucky as you wanted to surprise him.

A week later on your birthday Bucky and Steve came back from a successful mission. In that week Nat and Sam had to go and do three food shops as you kept eating everything. What can I say you’d been dead for 15 years.

You and the team was waiting on the hanger for them to exit the quinjet. Steve was out first shortly followed by a very tired Bucky but as soon as his eyes found yours he smiled hugely.

“Hey Y/n I’ve miss-“

You cut him off by throwing your arms around his neck. Bucky stiffened at first not believing it was really happening then he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling your further in.

“H-how?”

“Wanda”

“Oh”

After Tony coughed making the pair of you pull apart you - mainly Wanda - explained everything to the two super soldiers. Bucky refusing to let go of you completely. Steve smiled and gave you a small hug.

Much later that night you and Bucky was sitting on his bed with his arm around you when he abruptly stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“There’s ten minutes left of your birthday so we’re going to dance”

You watched with an amused smile as he turned the stereo on.

“I got Peter to do this when we was watching the telly earlier” he smiled.

Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers started playing through the speakers.

“Y-you remembered?”

“Of course I did doll, it’s your favourite song how would I forget”

Slow dancing in the middle of Bucky’s room with your favourite song playing in the background on your birthday made this the best birthday you ever had.

“I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me”

Bucky sings just as his lips touch yours.

~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama

[yuniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie]

Yandere Billy and Stu (2/4)

“Dewey!” She cried out

Instinctively Dwight ran over to her. Immediately wrapping arms around the woman’s sobbing form, not letting go as her cries muffled against his jacket, he held her tightly. Shushing her quietly, “Y/n!” Tatum herself arrived right after her older brother, she shoved the male to the side and hugged you tightly. Police barged into the home, on search. “What happened?” Dwight was just as concerned as Tatum, hell from the screaming and crying they could already tell what had happened, not until heads turned around to see Billy.

“Officer-i didn’t do anything!” Billy declared, angrily wriggling against the grip of the officer along with the cuffs. He locked eyes with you it sent shivers down your spine how void of emotion they looked. “Y/n! Tell them-“ The officer had none of it before Billy was shoved into the back of the car. You were frustrated how so suddenly and coincidentally your best friend Sidney’s boyfriend just shows up at the window right after an attacker that didn’t last too long fortunately, Tatum looked you over. “Dwight-please she should stay with us for now!”

Tatum knew better than to leave you alone, no one deserved to grief the death of their friend and have the same person who killed her friend come after her aswell. Y/n dealt with it alone would only toll on the poor girl. Her hair was all messy and a bit matted, She needed a break, a real long break from everything, going back to their house, their mother welcomed you eagerly with open arms to stay over, Tatum had been in the bathroom, While Dwight had been fluffing the pillows as clumsily, he remembered copying Tatum when she made her bed. “You can stay with Tatum.” His words were comforting, you had hoped no one fell victim to the killer anymore afterwards. Tatum arrived back, looking at you. “Billy is such a freak.” She mumbled before she sat on the bed opposite of you. You looked at her from the plush pillow. “Other than..what he did just now,” You started. Tatum nodded, “I don’t trust him even with Sid you know?”

Sidney was your friend ever since you moved to woodsboro, she knew you before the whole ordeal, ever since Billy started dating her Tatum saw the way Billy would look at you. He was weird, but the mention of Sidney tugged your heart strings, you knew she went missing right after Casey. It left only you, Tatum, Dwight. Billy, Randy, and Stu, but you were more comfortable around your friend’s boyfriend than Billy. Stu always made you laugh, he was eccentric but you couldn’t help but feel unease under his gaze-

—

Morning came around as sun shone through the windows of Tatum’s house, the blonde woke up before you. Just as tired before both of you walked to school, she had an arm around you. “Hey Y/n?” You both got interrupted by the sound of Randy’s voice. The Moviestore geek smiled at you. Tatum rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t want to talk.” He frowned a bit before he got to your side. He saw you flash him a small smile, your hand entertwined with his.

Ever since you and Randy got well acquainted you hadn’t admitted the fact you had a crush on the boy, despite everyone really just casting him in a bad light as some psycho geek sometimes, with recent news of Billy being interrogated as of current in the office. It was why Dewey wasn’t here,

“You heard about what happened with that guy?” “Billy?” Randy wasn’t the biggest fan of billy, he continued “It’s like standard horror movie shit- i told you he’s the prime suspect” Tatum gave Randy a side glare, “Did they interrogate you aswell?” She turned to him, it was a light question.

“Why would they ask you if you like to hunt. “‘Cause their bodies were gutted.”

The sound of Stu’s voice startled everyone. But you saw the way his eyes focused on you. He sent Randy a glare that only he would see, “Hey buddy.” He mocked, looking him up and down. Randy just stared blankly, not fazed. He looked back at you, sending you a look only you could see. He didn’t like Stu. “Hey Stu didn’t you used to date Casey?” You spoke up, As you all settled near the fountain. “Yeah for like 2 seconds.” He chortled, “Before she dumped you for Steve” Randy leaned his head in and chimed for a second.

“I thought you dumped her for me?” Tatum asked, Stu nodded and looked at Randy again, “I did he’s full of shit.” Randy retorted, “Maybe you did kill her since she dumped you.”

“Stu was with me,” Tatum shifted closer to Stu, he nodded aswell, sending a sleazy grin to Randy not without glancing at you,

—

Moving to woodsboro was a hectic start back then. But it was a opportunity to have made friends since you had moved there at a young age you had forgotten your own home town of before, but ever since this ghostface fucked around the town. Whoever they were,

“Well everyone has those officer.” Billy declared, the male had been abandoned at the police station for interrogation. To everyone’s dismay as the sheriff checked a call record there was no proof of him ever calling anyone at all. Deep down he was happy in a twisted way. He saw everyone here a potential victim afterwards. He cleared the record. No one would get in between him and Stu and you.

Ever since Stu laid eyes on you, Casey’s friend. Albeit, him and Billy yes, well weren’t expecting it. They’re killers, not people meant to be lovers, but it was a thorough plan both males had been thinking about ever since, no one ever suspected them, if Billy could get his hands on you again..

——

Walking back home to Tatum’s house, she was out for a while, you remembered her telling you she needed to get a few things before she came back. Wandering alone in the house your mind swam with thoughts. You heard the telephone ring,

Anger bubbled into her as she thought about it. Her hands clenching onto the phone pulling it out of the receiver. “You son of a bitch!” The words came out with a flurry of emotions. She couldn’t hold back her hatred for this cruel killer, “Ah ah ah, that’s not how you great a friend, is it?” It sounded more grainy, whoever this was. No one would admit to give it to them the modulator being used for their voice was more to hide the evidence and identity of who they were. “We aren’t friends you ps-psycho!” And it couldn’t helpt but break into tears again, they had killed her friends, they had attacked her, she didn’t have her parents. What more could she do? She had hoped Tatum arrived soon. “Why the tears. Y/N?” They snarled on the phone angrily. “Fuck you!” The phone was shoved back into the receiver. Falling onto the floor breaking into wails.

T”Y/N!” Tatum’s eyes widened, the blonde rushed over to her sobbing friend’s side. She hugged her tightly and felt tears soaking her own shirt, “What’s wrong, Y/N? Was it him again?”

Tatum heard the phone ring again, she couldn’t let this happen, it can’t keep happening. Seeing her friend, who had nothing to do with this, who was innocent, to be toyed with like this, “T-tate-no!” She cried.

“Who the fuck is this? What the hell do you think this is some kind of joke?!”

Static was on the other side, this only got more out of hand by day. “Your protecting your dear little Y/N.”

“Tatum?” They taunted,

[covid-safer-hotties]

Reference archived on our website

Could covid be driving an increase in sudden infant death syndrome? Further study is needed, but these statistics aren't looking great.

Key Points Question What is the association between the COVID-19 pandemic and sudden unexpected infant death (SUID) and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)?

Findings In this cross-sectional study of 14 308 SUID cases, the risk of SUID and SIDS increased during the intrapandemic period (March 2020 to December 2021) compared with the prepandemic period (March 2018 to December 2019), with the greatest increases noted in 2021 (9% for SUID and 10% for SIDS). A marked statistically significant monthly increase in SUID from June to December 2021 was observed.

Meaning These findings suggest that the pronounced shift in SUID epidemiology during the second year of the COVID-19 pandemic may be associated with altered infectious disease transmission at the time.

Abstract Importance Infection has been postulated as a driver in the sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) cascade. Epidemiologic patterns of infection, including respiratory syncytial virus and influenza, were altered during the COVID-19 pandemic. Comparing month-to-month variation in both sudden unexpected infant death (SUID) and SIDS rates before and during the pandemic offers an opportunity to generate and expand existing hypotheses regarding seasonal infections and SUID and SIDS.

Objective To compare prepandemic and intrapandemic rates of SUID and SIDS, assessing for monthly variation.

Design, Setting, and Participants This cross-sectional study assessed US mortality data provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for January 1, 2018, through December 31, 2021. Events with International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, Tenth Revision codes for SIDS (R95), unknown (R99), and accidental suffocation and strangulation in bed (W75) causes of death were examined. The data analysis was performed between November 2, 2023, and June 2, 2024.

Exposure COVID-19 pandemic.

Main Outcomes and Measures The primary and secondary outcomes were the monthly rates of SUID and SIDS during the COVID-19 pandemic (March 1, 2020, to December 31, 2021) compared with the prepandemic period (March 1, 2018, to December 31, 2019) as measured using generalized linear mixed-effects models. Seasonal trends in RSV and influenza rates were also examined.

Results There were 14 308 SUID cases from January 1, 2018, to December 31, 2021 (42% female infants). Compared with the prepandemic period, the risk of SUID increased during the intrapandemic period (intensity ratio [IR], 1.06; 95% CI, 1.05-1.07). Monthly assessments revealed an increased risk of SUID beyond the prepandemic baseline starting in July 2020, with a pronounced epidemiologic shift from June to December 2021 (ranging from 10% to 14%). Rates of SIDS were elevated throughout the intrapandemic period compared with the prepandemic baseline, with the greatest increase in July 2021 (IR, 1.18; 95% CI, 1.13-1.22) and August 2021 (IR, 1.17; 95% CI, 1.13-1.22). Seasonal shifts in RSV hospitalizations correlated with monthly changes in SUID observed during 2021.

Conclusions and Relevance This cross-sectional study found increased rates of both SUID and SIDS during the COVID-19 pandemic, with a significant shift in epidemiology from the prepandemic period noted in June to December 2021. These findings support the hypothesis that off-season resurgences in endemic infectious pathogens may be associated with SUID rates, with RSV rates in the US closely approximating this shift. Further investigation into the role of infection in SUID and SIDS is needed.

[1960z]

“You loved my father, didn’t you?”

“Yes.” With this admission I began to breathe again. For the first time, I allowed myself to feel the deep shame and sickness I have lived with ever since I murdered her father.”

-

“One can argue that murder is a moral act, even an extreme form of friendship. After all, I killed a person I loved.”

no because I’m so insane about this. he’s described his feelings towards lokar as hatred and he’s described them as love and both are true, the distinction between love and hate is no longer relevant. no matter how hard he tried garak could never shake having strong feelings towards lokar, whether they were positive or negative, love or hate they always persisted. lokar was just that perfect to him, garak needed his presence whether it was to worship it or rage against it and that’s just so fascinating (and queer).

thinking of a stitch in time and how barkan lokar is described as literally the ideal of a cardassian male and the inherent symbolism of garak killing him and that being the last assignment he carries out before he’s exiled.

also thinking about the inherent homoeroticism in passages like garak saying that he’d never been in a “manlier, more attractive presence” and garak being on the wire during lokar’s interrogation meaning anytime lokar assaulted him all garak felt was blinding pleasure-

[copingwithobsessions]

Billy is autistic ♾

Just me rambling about an headcanon I take wayyyy too seriously :)

Hyperfixation : horror movies (obviously)

He just keeps talking about it. All the time.

Like

Also him using his hands while talking in this scene

(There's also something to be said about him mentioning the queer actors and not the 'straight' characters but that will be for another post-)

Also in the phone call where we're sure it's him :

(If he was the one calling Casey then there's even more-)

Also him just constantly talking with movie-related things : "It was edited for TV- all the good stuff was cut out", "nice solid R rating, on our way to a NC-17", "lately we're just sort of edited for television", "Maybe your movie-freaked mind lost it's reality button","It's all a movie, it's all...one great big movie.Only you can't pick your genre","I think she wants a motive","I don't really believe in motive, Sid.", "See it's a lot scarier when there's no motive Sid", "Is that motive enough for you ?", "How's that for a motive ?", "Just pretend it's all a scary movie Sid...How do you think it's gonna end ?", "Perfect ending.", "Now Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative !" and basing his killing spree on horror movie tropes : phone calls, masked killer, virgins being the final girls (literally having sex with Sidney to fulfill the trope), 'no motive' etc...

2. Abnormal posture

3. Staring (last 2 photos, both scenes in Sidney's room, police station scene...basically when there's Sid) or excessive blinking (doorway scene, kitchen scene...(basically when there's Stu)

4. Plans and changements

Billy (and Stu) planned their entire killing spree (from the dates it would be on : surrounding the one year anniversary of Maureen's death, to the person they would frame and his supposed motive as well as Casey and Steve's murders with the phone call, the attack at Sidney's house, Billy's incarceration, Stu's phone call following it, Billy's fake death, kidnapping Neil before his flight and using his phone, hiding his car, using a voice changer, stabbing each other to seem like victims, the party etc...)

When Billy's (and Stu's) plans get changed (Dewey, Gale and Kenny being present, Sid escaping the kitchen with her dad and Stu losing too much blood), Billy panics and goes into what could be defined as a meldown : throwing out insults, walking in circles, never going to check on the first floor, destroying Stu's living room and just panicking all around-

(When he fails getting Sidney to trust him and makes her escape to the toilets, he punches himself in frustation)

5. Insociability

Basically doesn't talk in the fountain scene

Awkward and Unsettling while talking, even to his friends

Doesn't pay attention to girls being interested in him

Doesn't seem at ease with the number of people leaving the party

(Even fidgeting though that may be just be him checking that the people are leaving for real)

6. Overdramatic

7. Favorite person/people

Okay this one's not that common in autistics but for Billy, he definitely has a special person, two in fact :

He literally started killing because his mom "moved out and abandoned" him.

For Stu, I will be vague cause I'll talk about it in detail in the other post 👀but basically he's not really himself unless Stu's there and planned a killing spree where only they would survive (+ trusted him to stab him).

Bonus : If Billy is the one who called Casey

"I only eat popcorn at the movies" Well I'm getting ready to watch a video "Really what ?" Oh, just some scary movie "You like scary movies ?" Huhuh "What's your favorite scary movie ?" Hum- I don't know... "You have to have a favorite, what comes to mind ?" Hum...Halloween ! You know the one with the guy in the white mask who walks around and stalks babysitters. "Yeah." What's yours ? "Guess." Hum- Nightmare on Elm Street ! "Isn't that the one where the guy had knives for fingers ?" Yeah, Freddy Krueger. "Freddy, that's right. I liked that movie.It was scary." Well the first one was but the rest sucked."

"It's an easy category : movie trivia"

"Come on, it's your favorite scary movie, remember ? He had a white mask, he stalked the babysitters"

"Then you should know Jason's mother, Mrs Vorhees, was the original killer ! Jason didn't show up until the sequel."

And that's it ! A complete analysis of what could be considered autistic traits from Billy that got way too long-

[multifandommilfs]

Days and Weeks

Pairing: Olivia Benson x reader

Wc: 1040

Y/n is a teacher/prof, Janice is your colleague. S13 E5 spoilers. Fluff

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"So both of them confessed to the murder! Almost simultaneously even. I mean what were they thinking? Because if we hadn't dug up their baby's body, we could've charged them BOTH with murder by all means." She paced around your frame as you did your skincare by the sink. Her hands were gesticulating all over the place as she ranted about a recently closed case.

 

"But there's no evidence of trauma in the M.E.'s, wouldn't the case be baseless then?" You indulged yourself in one of her rare rambles, careful not to get all the soap past your lips as you washed the product off. It was understandable that with so much secret-keeping from the media, she had to get it out of the system one way or another. You'd rather hear it out than let anyone else take up that part.

 

With a direct view of her reflection behind you in the mirror, you saw as a frown creased its way between her brows. "It's not just baseless, it's a complete lost cause! Any first-year lawyer could've gotten them off without so much as an objection! And can you imagine what she wanted to charge them with?!" She appeared with hands akimbo beside you when she heard your brushing, knowing you couldn't speak.

 

Mint filling up the crevices of your mouth now, you cocked your chin up in reply to her rhetoric. "Manslaughter in the goddamn second degree." She deadpanned and a surprised noise came up from the back of your throat as you whipped to her, expressing, 'Are you serious?'

 

She widened her eyes for a split second which conveyed, 'Yeah, that was what I thought too.'

 

"Verdict?" You asked after finishing up, moving from the bathroom to bedroom. Olivia followed behind.

 

"A.D.A. wishes she got one, turns out the baby died of SIDS—sudden infant death syndrome. M.E. said it's not uncommon."

 

"What? And you just released them?" You made a split-second decision to not strip due to the chilly autumn night, getting under the covers as Olivia flicked off the lights.

 

"We had to, there weren't any charges to go on. Even though I wish there was a 'sending officers on a wild goose chase' charge."

 

You sputtered with laughter. "Yeah? I bet that'll be just as memorable. But you gotta give it to 'em, you don't see that kind of dedication nowadays." You adjusted yourself to maximum comfort, sleep already invading your senses after the long day.

 

She hummed, slipping under the covers. "Grief comes in many forms, but getting yourself into custody? And on Halloween? That's something I haven't seen before." She grumbled, draping half of her body atop of yours as you shuffled closer to her, a telltale sign that you wanted to hit the sack in about five minutes.

 

"We haven't talked about your week sweetheart." She lowered her voice so that it was just above a whisper, her breath fanning at your jaw, her hand enclosed around the far side of your waist.

 

"I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, Liv." Your words came out in a quiet murmur.

 

However when Thursday morning rolled around, it wasn't your alarm that awakened the both of you but the blaring rays of ultraviolet.

 

The peace scattered as you clambered out of bed. "I'll shower at work!" You said as you threw on an outfit, letting Olivia hog the shower. Her on-the-run job knew no bounds when it came to physical exertion while your job required minimal to none.

 

It seemed as if she took a one-second shower because she was hollering for you (or her clothes) the second you tossed two pieces of white bread into the toaster. And so you were rushing back into the bedroom, your ears victim to her colourful choice of words. “Something black!”

 

"Liv, that’s like your entire wardrobe.” You drawled loud enough for her to hear.

 

“Crew neck!”

"Long-sleeved or short?”

 

“It’s autumn Y/n!” Her words made you laugh as you unhung her shirt and picked out the rest.

 

You shoved her outfit into her arms by the entrance of the bathroom. “If it’s any redeeming I didn’t have a problem with the lingerie.” She spluttered, laughter pealing throughout the room. “I’ll redeem you when you tell me about your day!”

The toasts leapt with a satisfying ‘ching’ as Olivia hurried into the kitchen wafting with freshness. “The school surprised the students with a pop quiz the other day." You rushed out as you buttered the crispy golden-brown surface. “And?” She took the coffee from the machine and dunked it into a glass before heaving back a mouthful, stretching it out to you next with a straw in place which you took.

 

“Mh, so the thing is, I never knew things actually pop during pop quizzes. You shoved a piece of toast into her mouth and wolfed down what you could while dishes clanked into the sink.

 

“Janice popped half an hour into the test.”

 

“What?! Janice? I thought she was 6 months along!” Olivia spun to your busy frame, a hand over her mouth as she half choked in laughter.

 

 

“Time flies babe, she popped during the pop quiz.” Your look of cheekiness did nothing to quell her chortle even as she ran around the apartment gathering case files, her coat and yours while you scrubbed the dishes as fast as possible.

 

“So that was what you were holding back from me?”

 

“Hold back? Please, I could never." You slipped on your heels as she did hers, the both of you finally meeting at the front door. She did the watch strap on your wrist with practiced ease as you brushed her stray hair from all the morning chaos into place before snatching her in for a soft kiss.

 

“You better pray Cragen’s in a good mood, you’re thirty minutes late.”

 

“Says you, you’d be an hour late with all the traffic.”

You raised your hands in surrender as you filtered out the front door and soon, the apartment building. You were parted halfway to your respective cars before you heard her yell, “I’ll see you tonight!"

 

You blew her an air kiss in response, already knowing your Thursday night would be the highlight of the week.

[iho6hi2]

Shattered Ones.

Type: Oneshot

Pairing: Fubuki Shirou/GN! Reader

Summary: You fear that you can never be Fubuki's anchor and day by day, you see him sink further into misery. You follow his example.

Warnings: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Survivor Guilt, Grief/Mourning, Established Relationship, Unresolved Tension, Codependency, Unrequited Love, One-Sided Relationship

Word Count: 3,342

A/N: FUBUKI SHIROU THE MAN THAT YOU ARE YYYOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS. Will forever think about how much trauma Fubuki has gone through and how most of it has gone unaddressed...

Fubuki's eyes are fixed on the picture, unblinking and half-lidded. They have been so for a little over an hour.

His hand grips the photograph. It's not hard enough to cause any creases or damages, but his hold still borders on possessive.

Much like him, you're transfixed. You keep on staring, as if hypnotized by the sight laid out in front of you. However, your attention is not on the photo at all — you don't even give it a single glance. What catches your attention are the dark, heavy bags under Fubuki's eyes; a clear symptom of his restlessness. They're not recent and they have gradually been getting worse.

You're able to relate. Your eyes are also bloodshot and dazed, though they're able to remain focused by pure power of will, distantly observing the direct cause of your own lack of sleep.

He doesn't bother saying anything out loud, nor does he even register your presence lingering behind in the slightest. Fubuki merely gazes at the image, lips continuing to maintain the shape of a frown, which looks natural on his features. He'd spent a good portion of his life looking sullen, after all. Although you can't really tell if his eyes are sad or if he's simply drowning in nostalgia by his lonesome.

You consider approaching him and embracing him, but Fubuki is someone who always looks out of touch with reality whenever physical contact is initiated. He's not sure what to do whenever you hug him out of the blue, though he always manages to play it off as only being caught unprepared.

He would freeze up and blink down at you in shock, lips parted in mute astonishment, before his beautiful, gentle smile takes its typical place on his face. Then he would wrap his arms around you and, even though his muscles tend to tense up whenever you're in close proximity with one another, he would force them to relax midway throughout the hug.

You can see beyond his façade. You always have. Fubuki is not so much an open book as much as he is a torn page from one.

A fleeting scrap of paper with words scribbled on both the front and back. So transparent and yet so opaque at the same time. You struggle to assimilate him despite reading him with such ease.

Either that or you've simply disillusioned yourself into believing you're capable of deciphering him despite it probably not being the case. You don't want to find out the truth in favor of preserving your feelings, which have grown increasingly fragile over the course of your relationship with Fubuki.

You stop leaning against the doorway to your shared bedroom and slowly begin to make your way towards his seat on the bed, doing your best not to step on a loose floorboard and alert him. You loom over his shoulder, studying his furrowed brows and the subtle clench of his jaw first, then redirecting your attention to the picture itself.

Your eyes narrow in suspense before softening in belated realization.

The photograph managed to capture a moment in time where Fubuki appeared to be truly happy for once. His features are young, juvenile. His eyes, which are nothing like today, are round and innocent. They display none of the anguish he holds nowadays and if you didn't know any better, you'd think that he's still capable of smiling so freely and happily.

He never will be. Fate has made it so that he can never find it in his heart to be as carefree as the kid he once used to be.

Your eyes scan the other side of the picture. Fubuki's arms are draped over his little brother's shoulders.

It's Atsuya. You know Atsuya, but you don't really know Fubuki Atsuya. Fubuki Shirou will never know who Fubuki Atsuya could have grown up to be, either.

He only remembers Atsuya as the cocky, overexcited and easily irritable brat. He remembers him as his little brother, who loved to brag and would constantly puff his chest out whenever he scored a goal. His little brother, who tended to surpass him in most aspects. The little brother he lost to an avalanche.

The little brother he grows to miss more and more with every sunrise and every sunset.

Startling you, Fubuki snorts bitterly. "You know what's the worst part about all of this, [Name]?" He doesn't bother looking over his shoulder in order to hold eye contact and you're also in no way surprised he sensed you breathing down his neck, though you were hoping he would be distracted enough not to even notice.

You make no effort to reply; it's not like you could formulate a sensible response regardless. Besides, something tells you Fubuki wasn't expecting an answer and he probably wouldn't appreciate receiving one, either.

At this point, you realize Fubuki isn't necessarily talking to you and more so to himself. You're just an outlet for his frustrations, here to bear witness to his torment and be the shoulder he leans on when everything comes crashing down in flames.

No matter how many times Fubuki opens up his heart to you, it doesn't take away from his pain. Somehow, if that was even possible, it becomes stronger and more prominent with each and every passing day. You know it just as well as he does, but disregarding the fact and choosing to pretend that you're none the wiser doesn't hurt any less.

He continues speaking, clutching the photo in his hand tighter. "I'll be turning twenty-six this year, but he'll always stay only five."

Fubuki Shirou has had acne, he's had to shave. He had went on dates and he had also won countless of matches, not to mention the FFI Cup as well. He's had to constantly conquer his spine-chilling, gruesome fears and treat his own injuries no matter how badly they hurt.

Fubuki Shirou has needed to mature way earlier than any of his peers and he had already developed into an adult, but Atsuya will never know what having a beard was like. He'll never understand how to solve for x. He'll never have his first kiss and he'll never have the pleasure of seeing the ocean or of travelling abroad.

You had never met Fubuki Atsuya. The only one you know is the Atsuya, which can never come close to capturing the real one's essence; he's just a capsule of blurry, distorted, distant memories, which stray from reality.

He doesn't appear in front of you often, but the few times he does, it's always a strange and a memorable experience.

Atsuya only materializes when Fubuki goes through immense amounts of stress, which is a rarity in and of itself with all things considered. Such instances were the time he got replaced as a coach by a member of the Fifth Sector and another was the night before he had to travel to a remote island to rescue kids being tortured by the said organization.

In all of these occurrences, Atsuya shows up abruptly. You never receive a warning and the only telltale signs are his eyes and the intense scowl on his face. Unlike your boyfriend, Shirou, Atsuya's eyes regard you with upfront indifference. You're used to Shirou's sugarcoated acts of reassurance, which do wonders to help distract you from the ugly truth. The truth you consciously attempt to suppress.

Atsuya is nothing like Shirou. He's sardonic, honest, always speaks his mind and never tolerates anything whenever he feels like he's being sligted by someone. Shirou is completely different in that regard; he just keeps on enduring and enduring until he physically can't handle it anymore. Old habits die hard and in some cases, they never die at all.

"Shirou, it's okay if you're—," you begin hesitantly, with your eyes darting anywhere around the room but his face in fear of seeing a flicker of upset directed at you, however he cuts you off before you can finish what you've started.

"It's not okay and you know it, [Name]. It's never going to be okay. Not now and not ever. Please, drop it." Fubuki states and his words carry a tragic tone of finality. He puts an end to whatever uncomfortable conversation you were about to have and leaves in his wake a silence that's just as unbearable and suffocating.

Fubuki didn't raise his voice, but he might as well have just yelled at you right now. Like always, you pipe down with guilt eating away at your insides like a pack of vicious hyenas and simply slump on the bed, keeping noticeable distance between the two of you. The very notion is virgin and celibate, but you don't pay it any mind.

The awkward, tense silence persists for several more mintues before you decide to break it. "Sorry. I always do more bad than good," you sigh and shift to lay on your side, because that way your view of Fubuki is entirely obscured. Whatever emotion contorts his features next, you won't be able to know and this fact brings you immense amounts of relief.

In order for your sanity to remain fully intact, you need to keep yourself blind and ignorant. That's the only way for you to keep holding on.

"No, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault and I shouldn't take it out on you. Atsuya's dead, he has been for a long time and I've accepted that, but every year I'm reminded that he'll never get to grow up like I did. It's like he's stuck in time." Fubuki sniffles without shedding any tears. He's long since lost the ability to cry and all he can do now is scrunch up his nose, staring absently at the ceiling.

You perk up at his words and slowly sit up, cautiously crawling towards him like he's a ticking time bomb you might accidentally set off. You reach him, inch by inch, before hugging his waist and placing your chin on his lap. You're yet to stare into his eyes and, instead, settle for gazing at the messed up pillows to your left.

He makes no move to reciprocate the gesture and you take no offense to it. Even if he were to squeeze your hand or pull you closer, it would be insincere.

You love when Fubuki lays himself bare for you, so you don't need to speculate each and every minute detail in hopes of uncovering hidden meanings. He's fully clothed, but naked to the human eye at the same time.

All you can currently see is the real Fubuki Shirou. The good, the bad and the ugly; you're unable to discern a difference between them. He's always the same to you — ethereal and delicate like porcelain. He's the same man that ensnared you in his trap, whether he's aware of it or not.

You're a mouse captured, moments before your inevitable doom.

"I wish I could've died instead of him, sometimes." Fubuki muses with a half-smile and you tighten your hold on him, miffed.

"Well, I don't think that's what he would've wanted. Have you ever thought about the fact that he would want you to live on for the both of you?" You argue and, for the first time in a while, you force yourself to look at him. There's veins bulging out of your neck as you strain yourself to shout at him.

Fubuki blinks and his amusement is soon replaced with a pensive, thoughtful frown. He stares at the picture again, then redirects his attention to you. He dabs at his eyes, wiping away any tears threatening to spill. Afterwards, he opens the drawer next to his side of the bed and places the old photograph there, face down, before shutting it closed.

He lies back down, but this time he shows you his back rather than his face and then proceeds to pull the covers over his shoulders. "[Name], I don't say it a lot, but I really am sorry."

Your mind jumps to the worst-case scenario and your throat instantly closes up, an uncomfortable lump resting on your epiglottis. There's a pit in your stomach — an allegory for dread.

You struggle to find the words to properly express yourself, though you settle for a simple, "Sorry? What for?" You don't want to hear him say it out loud. A part of you hopes he backtracks like he always does, though something is different this time and not in a good way.

Don't say it. You plead to no avail. You know exactly what kind of storm is heading your way. You've known since the moment you first met him, but you chose to face it head-on. This is what resilience gets you: perpetual despair.

Fubuki, as if reading your mind and choosing to spite you once and for all, places the final nail in the coffin gently, with feather-like meticulousness. His last venture to destroy you, to utterly devastate and crush you, is delivered with a voice akin to that of a lullaby. "I'm sorry for everything."

The lights are off and then it's just static silence between the two of you, under the guise of sleeping or at least trying to.

There's a blizzard outside. The snow and rain pelts hard against the window in your shared bedroom and you can practically hear Fubuki's breath hitching in his throat. You sense him trembling slightly. He seeks no comfort and you don't attempt to give him any; two strangers stuck hostage on a cold bed, claiming they're in love.

Before you realize it, you're crying. The tears drip down and stain your cheeks, but you don't bother wiping them away. You let them flow freely because you fear that you'll be far too numb to bawl like this ever again in the near future. And if Fubuki hears you crying like a baby, he ignores it in favor of suppressing his guilt.

You seek no comfort, especially not his, and he doesn't attempt to give you any. Everything comes full circle when it regards the two of you.

Fubuki's sorry he can't love you the way you love him: devotedly, ardently, unconditionally. Try as he might, he can't bring himself to love anyone. Not anymore.

However, he's selfish and wants to have you remain by his side. He hates being alone — to the point it becomes unbearable. He doesn't think you'll forgive him and he simply can't forgive himself and his actions, either. Perhaps, if you were to despise him from the bottom of your heart, that'd be for the best.

It's better for things to remain this way. The Atsuya in his head agrees, too.

★

"Good morning, [Name]," Fubuki greets you cheerfully the moment you step foot into the kitchen. You're blinded by his smile, the one he uses to sweep truths and details under the rug when he divulges too much against his will.

You play along and return the gesture. It's your forte. You and Fubuki are constantly entangled in an intricate dance, treading on thin ice between lies and sincerity, between hiding and revealing.

How easy it is for the both of you to act like nothing ever happened yesterday is nothing short of disturbing, yet befitting.

You hug him and wrap your arms around his torso, his own reaching out to cradle your face in his cold fingers. His eyes are kind, but there's no sentimental depth when he gazes at you from up-close. You're his polar opposite.

You kiss him and though he's quick to react, you can still see the way his eyes visibly widen in shock before you forcibly close your own so as not to perceive any negative reactions he subtly expresses.

Fubuki's sad because he's consciously leading you on, purposefully, and this kiss is a manifesto of his greed and opportunism. The remorse brewing within him is repressed and kept at bay, determined to do everything in his power to keep you around for as long as possible.

You deepen the kiss and push him against the countertop. His back slams against the cups behind him and one of them falls down, breaking into pieces.

You separate from him, by reflex and definitely not by choice, and cringe. "Sorry. Didn't mean to act like a horndog." The embarrassment creeps in before you can stop it and you merely watch as Fubuki crouches down and begins to pick up each of the shards.

"You always worry too much about everything. I wonder if it's a chronical condition," Fubuki makes an astute observation and you're tempted to roll your eyes because you can hear the snark behind it, though you hold back.

You watch as he carefully holds the pieces and carries them over to the trashcan, blinking with a small smile.

You look down at the floor and notice he missed one. Whether it was done on purpose or not, you can't really tell. With Fubuki, it's always hard to distinguish. You pick it up, holding it between your fingers, and stare right back at your reflection. The likeness of you is distorted, off putting and jarring.

"It's kind of familiar." You begin with a clipped tone. Fubuki stares at you before squatting down in an attempt to figure out what you mean.

It's not like you to be vague, Fubuki thinks. He doesn't like it when you beat around the bush, nor does he appreciate having to guess where your trail of thought leads to. He likes you best when you speak your mind, brash and reckless as it may be. It's familiar, nostalgic, and it makes him homesick.

He follows your gaze and fixes his attention onto the stray piece. He can already see the small cut opening up on your skin after the glass accidentally grazed it. He just smiles; it's not his mess to clean. "What is?"

It reminds me of us, you want to say out loud, but your lips are sealed shut.

The blood from your wound smears against the piece. It doesn't even hurt.

When something is broken, you can always glue it back together. When it's people that are shattered, no amount of glue can be of use.

You didn't know it at the time, yet you tried to play hero with the naïve ambition of binding Fubuki back to reality and away from the tumultuous waters threatening to swallow him whole. Now, you're afflicted with the same cracks you first saw in Fubuki. You never knew self-destruction could be a contagious disease.

"Never mind. I was about to say something lame." You shake your head and proceed to wince from the sting, pretending it hurts. You turn to look at him, raising your hand up to him with pleading eyes. "Kiss my boo-boo to make it feel better?"

"I'll pass," Fubuki declines within a heartbeat, rocking to and fro on his heels. You huff at his flower boy persona.

★

That night, Fubuki wraps his arms around you and brings you close to him, his chin perching itself on top of your head. You, in turn to his sporadic display of affection, snuggle even further into his chest, desperately listening to the sound of his heart, which is surprisingly peaceful in comparison to other nights that fly by just like this.

He holds you tight and despite the soothing heat of his body and the slow, content breaths he lets out, you've never felt colder or more alone.

There's a storm brewing, but it's not outside. It's always been an invisible force between the two of you and only you can see how it will end. You pray that the end is not near, but each and every day you can sense it being your last.

★

The following morning, you see Fubuki holding that same picture of him and his brother.

It feels like heartbreak. You're left to helplessly watch him perish with the knowledge that there's nothing you can do for him.

You're just collateral damage.