#the building fire alarm would go off at LEAST once a day or every two days

[kopimoss]

Riley's little longterm hotel room in SM

[blingblong55]

If I didn't know better- 141

Based on a request and a personal need:

hi! i was wondering if you could do heavy angst for a fem reader? i’m not sure what but uggg i love angst

Angst, F!Reader, death of character, Platonic!Relationship

A/N: I recently cried over Marjorie by Taylor Swift and this request came up at a great time.

If I didn't know betterI'd still think you were talking to me now If I didn't know any better I'd think you were still around

Grief (noun) deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.

They say people can die from a broken heart and maybe that would be the best option for you at this point. They also say that at some point when you lose someone you love, perhaps just maybe you would start to hallucinate. And at the funeral, where now he lies, dressed in his best suit, you might begin to think this was just some imposter, that maybe he was alive. Some kind of dream.

-------

Three days ago, the task force was assigned to make the most challenging decision. Infiltrate into a Russian base. It was meant to be easy until Ghost and Gaz were ambushed and safe, but the trio in which you found yourself had much different luck.

You had told Price you had a bad feeling about this mission. You wanted to pull out of it, felt something in your gut, telling, no, begging you to stay at the base.

Communication systems broke down. You were stuck in a confined space, limbs weak. Price and Soap trying their best to get them and you out of that space.

"It's okay, Bonnie, I'll get us out, just wait and see." He reassured you, Price trying to push the vast wall that collapsed on you three, Soap holding your hand. You, well you see you had gone through something similar as a child, except, you were surrounded by other children, 12 trapped, 3 survived.

Soap was the one who knew the whole story, Price knew bits of it. That's why they fought hard to get you out, not them, but you. After 13 hours of continuous struggle, you all got out, "Told ya, Bonnie" he kissed your cheek.

It was hell after that though. Ghost and Gaz are back at base, stuck in the hard bed of the med-bay. Nurses and doctors had to tame them, they would wake up, screaming and fighting. Took many soldiers to put Ghost back into that bed.

They hadn't heard from any of you since their ambush. At some hour, Ghost feared for the outcome. Gaz on the bed next to his, "They'll be a'right mate, I know it." he tried to reassure his teammate.

Once the three of you reached a safe house, things were calm, for a while. "Think Gaz and Ghost are doing well?" Soap spoke first, breaking the silence. You all three sat on a sofa, staring into nothing.

"Maybe" you softly answer. "Better be." Price spoke next.

After that, you snuggled into soaps side, resting as he watched over you. Always your guardian angel.

Three hours into your sleep, you wakened up by an alarmed Price. "GET YOUR WEAPONS, ITS TIME TO MOVE!" He yelled over a loud sound, possibly a bomb.

Soap took you by the hand, guiding you out, you coughed through the smoke. Bullets being shot at what you thought was the enemy. You all ran, gaining bruises as you passed by rocks and tree branches. At some point Price signals you two to run faster, guns in hand.

Smoke and fire surround you. Enemy soldiers rushing at you three. Price and you start to shoot at the enemy, taking some down. Soap is being protected by you two, he builds an explosive strong enough to take a few of them down.

"GET DOWN!" He commands, Price and you obey, the bomb goes off, and at least 7 enemy soldiers scatter to bits from it. Blood falling from the sky. 19 more to go.

Mud, so much dust and blood on your uniforms staining your soul. And it's true what they say, war is never fun, kind or welcoming to those who fight it. It's not even rewarding, it leaves you scarred and nearly dead every time you pick a gun up. You die with each bullet you fire, not physically but mentally you do.

It's war and it will never be fair.

"GO, GO, GO!" Price commanded, he ran behind you two, leaving no one, at least you two, behind.

You hide by some creek, and you all sit there, waiting for the next attack and listening to the water flow down. You took some of the water, cleaning your face which was full of nothing but mud and some blood. "Think Ghost has been tranquillised, by now?" Soap never fails to know his teammates. Price chuckles, "No doubt that kid is giving 'em hell."

"19 left," you softly say.

"What's that about, Bonnie?"

"19 more enemy soldiers," you look up at them, the cold wind now hitting your face.

Long limbs and frozen swims You'd always go past where our feet could touch And I complained the whole way there

"I told you Price, this one would be hard, I knew it'd be."

"Look kid, this is war, nothing will be fucking easy, we are soldiers, we follow orders and execute them to absolute precision."

Soap gave you a kind look. He was always the one to trust your gut, knowing you had a reason to feel this.

For hours after, you all walked in silence. Boots making the noise, it was now around 2am, so close to the base, yet so far. At some point you find yourself in the cold mountains of the country, only surrounded by the snow and stones.

You all sat down, looking at each other, not saying a word. "Shit couldn't get any worse for us." he chuckles,

Soap and you chuckle with him. You all start to tell stories, about the days of your young years in the military. These were the conversations worth keeping for years to come.

The car ride back and up the stairs I should've asked you questions I should've asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should've kept every grocery store receipt 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

An hour passes the cold stormy weather, messing with your vision. "This is the plan, we go south for now, try and avoid attention, understand?" Price asks, looking at you both.

For the next thirty minutes, you walk, jog and run. Desperately wanting to find some ally to help you. Unfortunately, one met their demise.

5 soldier,s left to just three of you, an easy task. What happened next left the two of you empty.

Price took out two, you one. Only two left, Soap and you take out another, the scope in his gun finally being of good use. One left, what's more, to ask.

All your closets of backlogged dreams And how you left them all to me

"Bonnie!" Soap pushed you to the ground, and a gunshot echoed around. "Enemy down!" Price walked to the two of you. The three of you now stand there, breathless yet victorious.

"Soap?"

You asked once his smile was wiped off. Blood gushed from his mouth. He fell on his knees, looking up at you, you kneeled down, holding him close. Price shot the actual final enemy. "Soap, stay with me, c'mon, don't do this!" You panicked, all he could do was look at you. With the ghost of a smile on him, he cups your cheek, "I always did love you, r/n" he barely let out. He fell on his side, Price and you trying to stop the bleeding and trying to keep him warm.

"Soap? please don't leave us...don't leave me," you whispered, there was nothing more to do, but watch him die.

"It's time for me to go home, Bonnie"

You shook your head, trying to cancel out his words, "No, not yet, you stay here, with us...me....please Johnny, please." you begged knowing damn well all was lost.

Price took his hat off and rested it over his chest, looking at his comrade.

"Rest, you have earned that, son"

Soap sighs, his hand holding yours, grip loosening. He looks at you, with a small smile as he closes his eyes.

What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head

"I love you Johnny, my favourite friend." You kiss his cheek, and he finally let go. Finally met peace.

It's been now three days since his death. Only Price has seen you since then, you have been sleeping in Soaps bed. Wearing an old jacket, but not touching the rest of his stuff. Although the love you two had for the other was platonic, you kept thinking of the what if's.

Maybe if you loved him more than just a friend, maybe he could stay just a little longer. If you didn't know better, it was him humming you to sleep each night.

His ghost dances with your shadow, kissing you good night, wishing you could stop crying and blaming yourself. His favourite girl in the whole world. The one he could never stop loving.

Even in his last moments, he loved you.

At his funeral, you sobbed into the arms of the three men. You swore he was there, and felt some weird warmth on your shoulder when you looked down at his grave.

What died didn't stay dead You're alive, so alive

He was alive, in you, he is alive. He still tells you his jokes and makes comments on Ghost's stupid masks. Right now, he is right there, hand on the small of your back as you put a white rose and an orange tulip on his coffin. The Family walked away, but you stayed there. You grabbed some of the dirt and threw it at the coffin once it was lowered.

Sat by his now grave, been a full year now. Some moved on, others didn't.

And if I didn't know better I'd think you were singing to me now If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around

"Hi, Bonnie, how are things at the base?" he sits beside you, playing with the grass and flowers.

"Price let his beard grow a little more. We have a tattoo of you," you chuckle, "Gaz got it too, you know how he hated tattoos" You look at him.

"Can't believe it took my death to get a bloody tattoo" he laughs a little, hand on your back, his head resting on your shoulder.

"Ghost and I are getting more along now, he talks about you a lot" You too play with the grass underneath you.

"Hey, you better not replace me"

"But not to worry, I'll never replace you"

"How are you?"

"It's been hell, Johnny, I forgot your voice" Your voice cracks, tears running down your cheek. His hand wipes them away, and you feel a cold breeze pass by.

"I'll be waiting for you, Bonnie, and I bet you'll get tired of my voice."

"You'd be 29 now, Happy birthday Johnny." You kiss the tips of your fingers and place them on his stone.

He kissed your cheek, another cold breeze you feel.

I know better But I still feel you all around I know better But you're still around

------

Tags: @screamonic

A/N: I think I had a mental breakdown as I wrote it, so...yeah..if it's shit...sorry

[rambleonwaywardson]

Clegan Astronaut AU - Part 9

Masterpost

AU Summary: the boys as modern day NASA astronauts. Taking place in 2025, Bucky is about to head to the moon as mission commander of Artemis III while Buck is CAPCOM at NASA. Established relationship (obnoxiously in love).

Author's Note: This one got away from me a bit so it's longer than usual. And I've finally started putting this on ao3, so you can also ready here.

Acronym and terminology definitions

---

November 15, mission day 9 Lunar Orbit

The crew wakes in a groggy panic to the sounds of an alarm going off in the cabin, a red warning light flashing over the console. Bucky, dressed in NASA-issue pajamas with his curls stuck up in ridiculous directions from the zero G and lack of product, struggles to unzip his floating sleeping bag, which is suspended in the middle of the Orion capsule and secured at both ends. Alex and Rosie’s seats had been stowed once they were en route to the moon in order to make more space in the capsule for sleeping, working, and generally existing without being right on top of each other, but it only helps so much. They’ve been stuck in this glorified minivan for going on 9 days now, and they are only very slightly sick and tired of each other.

As Bucky tries to drag himself over to the console, his foot catches on Curt’s arm, flipping the other astronaut upside down in his own sleeping bag. “What the fuck, Bucky,” Curt groans. With nothing within arms reach to push off of, there’s no hope of flipping himself back over, so he starts trying to free himself from where he is.

“Gotta see how we’re gonna die this time,” Bucky replies unapologetically, settling into his commander’s seat so he can see the console properly.

“What time is it?” Alex asks with a yawn.

“5:50.” Bucky silences the master alarm, bringing quiet to the cabin once again. They’re ten minutes short of their typical wake-up call.

From the other side of the capsule, Rosie rubs his eyes with one hand. “Jesus Christ, we’d be screwed in an emergency.” The unconcerned way with which they’ve reacted to this alarm is not unlike the way college students would react to their apartment building’s fire alarm going off in the middle of the night for the third time in a row. But that’s because that’s basically what this is. They’ve had a number of false alarms already in the days since leaving low earth orbit.

Bucky ignores him and switches on his coms. “Houston? How do you read?”

Benny’s voice comes back. “We read you Bucky, loud and clear.”

Curt slides into his seat as Bucky squints at the silenced alarm still flashing bright red in front of his face. CO2.

“Looks like we’re suffocating again, Benny,” Bucky informs him.

“Copy that.” There’s a pause as Benny checks with the Emergency, Environmental, and Consumables Officer. “Our readings look fine. Don’t see anything out of the ordinary. Can you confirm up there?”

Curt and Bucky glance at the carbon dioxide meters on the console, and Curt shrugs, sighing in exasperation. “Looks fine here,” Bucky agrees. “Another false alarm.” 

This is the third time the carbon dioxide alarm has gone off without cause, but at least this time it happened relatively close to their normal wake-up time. On mission day 4, the cabin pressure sensor had jolted them all awake around 2:00am GMT. They spent nearly two hours sorting that out with Helen on CAPCOM, checking every square inch of the capsule and every line of telemetry data for an explanation. Turns out it was just some bad wiring, and Houston had to walk Alex through the steps to repair it before it would stop going off.

Fortunately, Dr. Huston and Jack Kidd, as Flight Surgeon and Flight Activities Officer, found a way to work some extra sleep into their schedule that day. Unfortunately, instead of just having a faulty wire, the CO2 sensor itself is fucked.

“We’ll get those sensors checked out when you come back Earthside,” Benny promises. “Unfortunately, our electricians have not agreed to extend operations to the moon. At least, not without a hefty house call fee.”

Bucky laughs tiredly. “The audacity of some people. What has the trade industry come to?”

“I could just break the sensor,” Curt offers.

“That’s a negative, Curt,” Benny responds. “EECOM says no.”

“Maybe EECOM should try wakin’ up to this fuckin’ alarm at all hours of the night.”

Benny kindly reminds them, “EECOM is wide awake with you.” Mission Control operates on GMT, along with the crew, meaning that while it’s 5:50am mission time, it’s actually 12:50 AM in Houston. These flight controllers just started their shifts fifty minutes ago. During a mission, normal work schedules simply don’t exist for the team on the ground any more than they do for the crew in space.

Before either Bucky or Curt can say something snarky back, obnoxious pop music is blasting through the cabin from Bucky’s tablet, which is their designated alarm clock on board Orion. “There’s our wake-up call,” Bucky mutters.

“I got it,” Alex calls over to him, floating across the cabin to get the tablet, which is velcroed to the wall.

“Hey hold on!” Curt reaches his hand out. “Give it a minute!” He starts obnoxiously singing along, jamming out beside Bucky to the point that he loses his grip on his seat and starts floating away. 

“I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my shit, they said babe you gotta fake it ‘til you make it and I did.”

The other three join in despite their exhaustion, Bucky and Curt not even bothering to switch off their coms. “Lights, camera bitch, smile, even when you wanna die. He said he’d love me all his life.” Bucky is, admittedly, very pleased when he realizes he can hear many of the flight controllers singing along in the background. It’s a small thing, but their wake up music choices make everyone’s day just a little better. Alex shuts off the alarm.

“Hey Benny,” Bucky says. “Can you ask Gale if he’ll love me all his life?”

“Ask him yourself in… five to six hours.”

“But that’s too long,” Bucky whines. “I need to know now.”

“He’s asleep. Ask your wedding ring, you idiot.”

Bucky grabs at the wedding ring that’s dangling – or, rather, floating – on a chain around his neck. Astronauts often choose to wear rings on necklaces like this in space, since it’ll be easier to grab them if they float away. Bucky has only lost it once so far, which everyone is quite impressed with. He rubs his thumb over the silver band, and Curt makes a gagging noise beside him. 

“Astrofag,” he coughs.

Bucky gives him the middle finger.

With the false alarm and the morning shenanigans out of the way, Benny composes himself and gives the crew a proper morning greeting as Alex and Rosie put on their coms. “Alright, rise and shine boys, big day today!”

“We’re in space. Every day is a big day,” Rosie points out, unimpressed, before starting to fold up and stow the crew’s sleeping bags. He isn’t wrong. Every day in this space-traveling RV is something new. Every day is a little closer to something historic. Every day is something else that could kill them. But today is the day that Bucky and Curt say goodbye to their crewmates and descend to the lunar surface for a week-long all-inclusive stay. So yes, it is a big day. 

“How about a news update,” Benny offers.

“The news is too fucking depressing,” Alex complains.

Benny agrees. “How about a JSC news update, then? Let’s see…” The crew can hear him as he muffles his com and calls out to the other flight controllers in Mission Control, “Who has news?”

Then he speaks to the crew again. “Croz’s kid turned one year old yesterday. A very happy birthday to the little guy. I’m sure you’ll see pictures when you’re home, he smashed a huge piece of cake right into his face.” Bucky smiles and relays his birthday wishes. “Perhaps more importantly,” Benny continues. “Meatball turns five next week.”

“I know for a fact you don’t know Meatball’s birthday,” Bucky interjects.

“Well, the vets think he’s about five, and I just gave him a random birthday.”

“Naturally.” Bucky double checks their trajectory on the console, taking note of how long they have until Starship has to undock.

“Hey, don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same,” Benny says defensively.

“I know my dog’s birthday.”

“Not all of us are perfect pet parents, John. Some of us win our dogs gambling.”

Bucky snorts. “A great slogan for a pet food brand.”

Benny moves on. “We’re having good weather in Houston this week. Looks like we saw the last of hurricane season on launch day. Blue skies – well, not now. It’s midnight-”

Curt situates himself back in his seat and tries to rub the tiredness from his eyes. “Benny why do I give a shit what the weather is in Houston? Ain’t gonna be there for another 20 fuckin’ days.”

“Fine,” Benny says. “The weather at the lunar south pole looks… unremarkable. 24/7 sun except in the shadows. Hot as hell in the light and cold as hell in the dark. Landing conditions look as acceptable as can be expected.”

“Wait, is Hell hot or cold?” Curt asks. “You’re sendin’ me mixed messages here.”

“That’s it. No more news.”

Bucky chuckles and pushes up and away from his console, floating across the cabin to the food ration storage. “Thanks for the update, Benny.”

As usual, Benny tells them all to get some food in their systems before they reconvene to go over the day’s mission plan. Bucky pulls some silver rehydratable food packages out of storage and squints at the labels. Pickings are slim, but not all together awful. “Alright crew,” he says, holding one of the packages up. “We’ve got oatmeal, wheat chex, or scrambled eggs. Take your pick and eat up.”

—

Nassau Bay, TX

Gale wakes around 4:30am, not alone as would be expected, but instead with two cold, wet noses nudging at his face, attacking from all sides. He and Benny have once again gotten into a habit of co-parenting Pepper and Meatball so they’re not alone for too long during the chaos of Artemis 3. The dogs get to hang out together 24/7, moving from Gale’s house to Benny’s and back each day depending on who's on shift at Mission Control. With Benny on the early shift, Gale has them from about 8pm until he leaves in the morning. Benny will drop by to pick them up once he gets Gale updated on mission activities and leaves JSC. 

Nothing about human spaceflight is normal, not even for those on the ground. They work weird hours, sleep weird hours, and no one ever knows what’s about to happen at any given moment. Gale works the Red shift, from 8am CST until 4pm. This corresponds to 1pm to 9pm GMT, the time zone that the crew and Mission Control operate on. Helen then takes over and works the White shift from 4pm to 12am CST. Benny is on Blue shift from 12am to 8am. Even this is misleading, though. There’s up to an hour of overlap between each shift for one shift to get the next up to speed, resulting in a ten hour work day seven days a week.

Today, that’s all fucked up anyway. Gale has to go in two hours earlier than usual so that no shift change has to occur between Starship undocking and landing, giving the crew a constant Mission Control team through the entire process.

So he yawns as he looks out at the dark, pre-sunrise morning, and he shoves the huskies off the bed so he can get to his feet. After stretching out the sore muscles in his back, he rubs one hand, covered by his sweatshirt sleeve, over his face and pauses to inhale the scent still barely clinging to the fabric. He can imagine John going on and on, wondering how Gale doesn’t get hot at night all bundled up like that. But right now, Gale doesn’t have his space heater of a husband to keep him warm, so he needs to make up for it somehow. He’s been sleeping in the Yankees sweatshirt nearly every night since launch, and he’s dreading the day he can’t pick out John’s scent anymore. For the moment, he smiles softly to himself, assured that it’s still there, and he gets on with his morning.

Opting not to take a jog before it’s even 5am, Gale takes himself through a quick bodyweight workout in the bedroom. Squats, push-ups, sit-ups, planks, all while fending off two massive dogs insistent on shoving into his space. Then he takes what can only be described as a military shower, in and out, before scrambling to find a clean button-down shirt and tie. After starting the coffee maker, he turns the TV onto the news story he’d recorded last night. 

“Tomorrow, The Starship Human Landing System will undock from Orion to carry John Egan and Curtis Biddick to the lunar surface.” Marge, as Artemis PAO, is sitting across from an NBC reporter, explaining the details of the Artemis 3 mission plan.

“And how long will it take the lander to reach the lunar surface?” the reporter asks.

“About half a day,” Marge replies. Then she goes on to outline the landing process. 

“Our two astronauts will perform a controlled burn that will decelerate the lander enough to fall into the moon’s gravity well. This means that they will depart from the current Orion orbit and instead descend into low lunar orbit. From low lunar orbit, they will perform another burn that will slow them down enough to fall towards the lunar surface, where they will land near Shackleton crater.”

“And the remaining crew members in Orion will stay in their current orbit?”

“Yes, Orion will remain in NRHO, a near-rectilinear halo orbit. This means that their orbit is balanced between the moon’s gravity and the Earth’s gravity. It’s an elliptical orbit, taking about six and a half days to complete, where they fly very close to the moon at one end, and very far from it at the other. This period of time will correspond to the surface mission.” A window pops up on one side of the screen showing a simulation of Orion in NRHO, complete with Starship undocking and heading for LLO. 

“So when Orion next completes its orbit, Starship will dock with it again?”

Marge nods. “Yes. They’ll meet up again in about a week.”

“And Shackleton crater. That’s at the moon’s south pole?”

The display window on the screen switches to a map of the Shackleton landing site. “Artemis operations are focused on the lunar south pole, where there’s near constant daylight for mission activities and power generation, as well as craters and valleys that are in constant or near constant shadow. So there’s parts of the surface there that have never been exposed to sunlight. Our astronauts will be performing a lot of experiments on the surface, such as studying lunar geology and searching for water ice.”

Gale pulls out his phone and texts Marge. “Look at you on TV.”

A reply shoots back immediately. “Please bring caffeine.”

Gale rolls his eyes, and then heads back into the kitchen to make up two cups of coffee, one black and one with an unhealthy amount of sugar. When he arrives at JSC, Marge greets him at his car, as is their typical routine. She greedily grabs the coffee cup he proffers and takes a desperate sip.

“You’re welcome,” Gale deadpans.

Marge glares at him. “Thank you.”

“What’s up with you?”

Marge blinks rapidly and pinches the bridge of her nose. Makeup conceals the dark circles that are starting to appear under her eyes, and Gale knows he has them, too. “This mission will be the death of me,” she declares.

Gale doesn’t press, because yes. Yes, this mission will be the death of them all. He wonders if the stress level they feel, the inconsistent sleep and the constant demand to always be at their best, is reminiscent of the Apollo days, when nothing about a single mission was standard. In many ways, Artemis is just as novel, if not more so, to the current NASA team than the later Apollo missions were. Every single person involved has trained hard; every component of this mission has been tested. And yet there’s a vague sense nestled in the back of everyone’s mind that they’re kind of out here winging it.

For what it’s worth, Mission Control is calm this morning. Flight controllers diligently monitor their designated systems, updating or reworking things as needed, an idle chatter popping up in this or that corner of the room. The new shift is filing in, getting themselves up to speed. Gale pats Marge on the shoulder as they enter, and they part ways.

“Morning,” Gale mumbles as he stops beside Benny at the CAPCOM console. “Are they ready?”

—

Low Lunar Orbit

John Egan and Curtis Biddick have landed a lot of jets in their lifetimes. They’ve landed a lot of jets in very precarious circumstances, in all manner of environments. They’ve flown them high and low, fast and slow, day and night, with and without landing gears, and sometimes on fire. They’re good pilots. Some of the best NASA has to offer, many might say.

The Starship Human Landing System is about as opposite of a jet as you can get.

Starship is nothing like the Apollo lunar module that today’s astronauts grew up dreaming about, though in their own ways they may be equally unwieldy. Instead of being small and low to the surface, the Artemis HLS is a tall and narrow vehicle, more akin to what science fiction would describe as a spaceship, with the crew seated near the top. When it was first proposed, there was concern over landing such a tall vehicle, especially with no atmosphere and little gravity to help balance it. But the engineers, the testing, and even the sims claim that it gets the job done.

Commander and pilot spent months in the simulators, learning how to handle this awkward thing of a rocket-turned-space-habitat, and neither of them have enjoyed a single moment of it. “It’s like ridin’ one of those giant unicycles,” Curt said once. He’s never been on one himself, and there’s a damn good reason for that. “It’s too fuckin’ tall.”

“You’re a fuckin’ pilot, Curt,” Benny had admonished him. “Figure it out.”

So here he is, figuring it out. “I’m an Air Force test pilot and this is what I get for it, tryin’ to land in a fuckin’ pringles can.”

“Yeah, sure that’s one way to think about landing on the moon,” Rosie rebukes from Orion, which is still in NRHO now somewhere far away from Curt and Bucky.

Bucky sighs longingly. “I could go for some pringles,”

Curt scoffs. “We got wheat chex.”

Gale: “Curt, think of it this way, only the best pilot could land a pringles can in one-sixth G.”

Curt: “Tryin’ to butter me up, Gale?”

Gale: “Whatever gets you on the ground safely.”

Bucky: “No. No buttering.”

Curt: “5,000 feet.”

Bucky: “Trajectory good.”

Curt: “It better fuckin’ be.”

Curt takes a deep breath, eyes locked on the console in front of him. He hates this. Not being able to clearly see where he’s landing, even if it’s half computer automated, which he also hates. He didn’t become a pilot or an astronaut to be a passenger princess, and he sure as hell isn’t trusting his life to a computerized landing module.

From the windows at the top of their silver tower, Bucky watches the lunar surface grow bigger and bigger beneath them, its curvature disappearing entirely as they approach their landing site at the south pole. He sings quietly to himself. “For here, am I floating in a tin can, far above the moon.” 

Gale: “Starship, be advised, you seem to be on VOX.”

VOX meaning Bucky’s coms are currently voice activated, as opposed to Push to Talk, or PTT. Every time he says something loudly enough, his coms pick it up and transmit it to Houston. It’s been a minor (major) issue for the entirety of the mission so far, but if nothing else, amusing to the flight controllers.

Bucky: “Your point?”

Gale: “Our flight controllers here in Houston would like me to tell you you have a lovely singing voice.” 

Bucky can hear the sarcasm, and seriously? From his own husband? The man who is supposed to love and support him unconditionally? Bucky can almost always make Gale laugh, no matter how moody he’s being, by singing a little off-key and pulling him into a reluctant dance. 

Bucky: “They should be so honored.”

Gale: “Houston would also like me to remind you, once again, that everything you say is being transcribed.” He relays these words, but he sounds defeated and unconvinced. He’s right to be. If Houston hasn’t convinced the crew to stop being little shits by now, it won’t happen for the rest of the mission.

Curt: “Fuck Houston.”

Gale: “Still on VOX.”

Curt: “If I were on PPT I’d still say that over coms.”

Gale: “I know, and I’m starting to think we’ll need someone to go through and redact these transcripts cause of your language. Top brass isn’t pleased.”

Curt: “I live to displease.”

Curt squints at the console in front of him, running the numbers in his head before he points out the discrepancy he’s seeing to Bucky. Bucky glances out the window.

Bucky: “Houston, we seem to be entering a roll.”

Gale: “... Come again? Didn’t quite catch that.”

Bucky switches his coms to PPT to make the transmission clearer. “A roll. We aren’t supposed to be entering a roll, are we?” He waits as Gale discusses with Bubbles, GNC, and Croz, FIDO.

Gale: “That’s a negative. We’re working on sorting out why the control software authorized that. Can you course correct?”

Curt: “I’ll try.” He fires the thrusters and manages to stop the roll. “Fuckin’ computer.”

Bucky stifles a laugh as he reads out their coordinates. 1,500 feet to go, and he can see Shackleton Crater ahead. The part of Bucky that isn’t a highly qualified professional is buzzing with ‘are we there yet’ energy, trying to keep his heart rate from spiking in anticipation.

Curt: “What are the odds of this thing tipping over on us, Gale?”

There’s a mildly concerning pause.

Gale: “We don’t have exact numbers on that. Is ‘low’ a good enough answer?”

Curt: “I’ll take it.”

Bucky: “Coming up on Shackleton. I can see the site.”

Curt: “500 feet.”

Bucky: “Jesus, that’s something, isn’t it?” The vehicle flies right over the massive crater like it’s nothing more than a pothole in the road. A pothole that’s 13 miles across. Below the rim, it’s completely consumed by darkness. 

Gale finds himself holding his breath in Mission Control, something he’s been doing a lot this mission. He hasn’t yet sorted out if he’d be doing that no matter what, or if it’s because Bucky is on that lander. He twists the wedding ring around his finger as he listens to Croz calmly relay Starship’s altitude. The thrusters lining the top of the lander fire, controlling its descent at the top of a ridge near Shackleton.

Curt: “Easy, easy babe.” 

Starship sets down on the surface, barely any harder than a bird landing on a tree branch. Everyone, in Mission Control, on the lander, and on Orion, can breathe easy again. Bucky leans his head back in his helmet and pumps a fist.

Curt: “Houston, we have touchdown at Shackleton crater.”

—

Houston, TX

Later that night, Gale leans back against the bartop at the Hundred Proof, glass of soda in hand. On the TV behind the bar, there’s another news story playing about the upcoming moonwalk. By the end of Gale’s shift today, Bucky and Curt were settled on the lunar surface, preparing for the week ahead. They would take the night to eat, rest, and do some basic housekeeping. Tomorrow they will take their first steps on the moon.

Gale looks around the Hundred Proof, taking a sip of his drink. Much of Red Shift, as well as some of Benny’s Blue Shift, made the pilgrimage to the bar to decompress tonight. Croz, Bubbles, and Jack are playing pool in the back. Gale’s seen a few of his other team members milling about with drinks in hand, playing darts or watching sports on the other TVs. Even Clark has taken the time to join his team in letting a load off, laughing as Croz fails miserably to make an eight ball shot.

For just a few hours, no one would even know that these men and women have the weight of the world on their shoulders.

“It’s fuckin’ crazy, what we’re doing.” Benny joins Gale at the bar, leaning back against the counter as he sips a beer. 

“The two of us are just on the ground,” Gale replies. 

“Takes a village.” Benny crosses his arms over his chest, his beer resting against his bicep. He’s dressed in a dark lightweight sweater and jeans. Gale, on the other hand, is still wearing his button down and slacks, his tie loosened and his top button undone the way that always makes Bucky grin and grab onto the tie, dragging him in for a kiss. Bucky’s on the moon, though. And Gale’s just tired.

“It’ll be you next, anyways,” Benny adds, tilting his head to glance at Gale. “You know how jealous I am?”

Gale can’t help the way the corner of his mouth turns up in a little half smile, but he shrugs. “You were just on the station. Too soon to send you back. If you’re lucky, we’ll survive past Artemis 4 and you’ll get yourself on 5.”

Benny takes another swig of beer, and Gale mimics him, sipping his own drink. He rubs his thumb over the condensation gathered around the sides of his glass. “We’ll survive,” Benny asserts.

Gale really hopes so. Seeing Artemis end so soon would break his heart. But you never know what tomorrow will bring, and he wonders if Apollo-era astronauts felt the same way. He thinks they did. “What makes you so sure?”

“Sure is the only thing you can be around here, isn’t it?” Benny shrugs. “And if we’re not sure, we have to act like we are.”

Gale knows he’s right. If they don’t believe in a future here, then no one else will. He glances around the bar, at his coworkers and friends joking and drinking and having a good time. Every single one of them believes wholeheartedly in what they’re doing here, and every single one will fight to keep it going. Come what may.

The Hundred Proof has this transcendent, timeless quality. Classic rock plays through the speakers, and a vintage charm seeps from the walls, lined with NASA memorabilia like a time capsule over half a century old. It’s hardly changed a bit since its early days, with the exception of new televisions and perhaps new drinkware, although no one is really sure about that one. Just about every astronaut who has ever suited up for the United States space program since Apollo has walked on these floors and sat at this bar. Tonight, as it offers its comforts to weary flight controllers ahead of another history-making shift, it feels as if time has stood still. It could just as easily be 1969 or 1972 or 1995. It could just as easily be another era, another mission, and another unknown.

Gale wonders if flight controllers like him and his friends sought out this place in decades past, preparing themselves for the next shift, the next landing, the next moonwalk. If they had the same fears and the same hopes. He wonders if this place looked the exact same as it does right now, harkening back to a past that was too long ago, a hope for the future that NASA has dragged itself back to tooth and nail.

It’s possible that no space mission in this lifetime will ever compare to the way Apollo 11 captured the attention of an entire nation. Of the entire developed world. When Neil Armstrong stepped foot on the moon – “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” – nearly every household and every TV-owning establishment in the United States was tuned in. Everyone dropped what they were doing to stare at the fuzzy black and white video feed and watch a man walk on an extraterrestrial surface for the very first time. Everyone who remembers that day can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing the moment those first footprints were pressed into the fine lunar soil. 

After that, though, moon landings were seen as routine. By the time Apollo 17 came around, the glimmer of futuristic hope and novelty was fading. Anyone who knew anything about it would tell you that there’s not a single thing that’s routine about landing on the moon. But it didn’t matter; for the public that would never be in that Mission Control room or on that space capsule, it lost its grandeur. 

The funding stopped. 

No one in power wanted to prioritize a lunar program anymore. America had made their point. They’d proved they could do it, proved their superiority in the space race. And dreams of landing on the moon were left to children with stars in their eyes and adventure in their hearts. 

Children like John Egan and Curtis Biddick. 

John Egan has wanted to be an astronaut for as long as he can remember. A little boy with unruly hair and an even more unruly spirit, climbing trees so he could be as close to the sky as the Earth would allow. He went to sleep with his ceiling covered in glow in the dark stars and built model rockets with his dad on the weekends. Almost every decision he’s ever made has been with this end goal in mind. 

He told Gale the first time they ever met that he intended to be an astronaut. He went to school for engineering even though he and mathematics didn’t get along, forcing him to forge through calculus and physics with a blind determination to get himself to where he needed to be. He joined the Air Force ROTC. He became a pilot. He took to the sky and never looked back, always more at home in the clouds than on the ground. Other than Gale Cleven, sitting in a cockpit was the only thing that could settle Bucky’s wayward energy. When the time was right, he applied to NASA, just like he always said he would. It took two tries, but they accepted him. He became an astronaut candidate. He flew on the international space station. He even did it all with Gale at his side. He did everything he’d always dreamed of doing, except one thing:

Step foot on the moon. 

But after tomorrow, he’ll have done that, too.  

Mission Control will be packed tomorrow morning; almost every flight controller on every shift will be there to watch the Artemis 3 crew leave the first footprints at the lunar south pole. Gale will be there, as a flight controller, as a NASA astronaut, and as a husband. He will watch his husband emerge from the Starship hatch and step down onto that lunar surface. He’ll be sitting in a front row seat to see the culmination of nearly two decades of watching John Egan work his ass off to accomplish his dreams. He’ll be right there, his voice guiding John through every step as his legacy is broadcast live to the entire world.

He couldn’t be more proud. Even if he has no fucking clue what will come out of John’s mouth when his boots hit the ground. He can only hope it’s nothing catastrophically embarrassing.

–

It was only weeks ago that Gale walked into their living room, Pepper trotting at his heels, to find Bucky laying on his back on the floor in front of the couch with his hands covering his eyes. A notebook and pen were haphazardly on the floor beside him. 

“What are you doing?” Gale had asked, as Pepper took over her role of protector and started licking Bucky’s face, trying to bring him back to the living.

Bucky had just groaned loudly, pulling his hands away from his face to stare up at Gale forlornly. So Gale bent down and picked up the notebook, which he wasn’t aware Bucky even owned. Flipping through pages of chicken scratch writing, he sat on the couch and tried not to laugh as he read through the brain-dump words. “Are these things to say when you land on the moon?”

Bucky sat up and crossed his legs, which Pepper took as an invitation to lay half in his lap. “Yep.”

There has been absolutely no shortage of people reminding Bucky that he will be the first person to set foot on the moon since 1972. It’s a big deal, and it will be broadcast live to the entire world. He’s been wracking his brain for things to say at such a significant moment in human history, knowing he has massive shoes to fill but not wanting to sound too cheesy, too outdated or philosophical, too… anything. How do you measure up to Neil Armstrong without sounding like you’re trying to be Neil Armstrong? Sometimes Bucky feels like nothing more than a little kid playing astronauts in the yard, pretending to be his childhood hero. 

No one ever expected him to get this far, and now the world is watching. Most of them adore him. Others hate him. If we’re lucky the fag will die up there. Planet Earth is a tumultuous place, but Bucky’s grit and determination have never faltered. He just never expected to be anyone else’s hero.

What words are there to bring a world together when every day it feels like it’s crumbling? Does it even matter what he says? Is it enough that he’s there? Do people actually care about what comes out of his mouth? Will his first words be stuck to him for the rest of his life – a legacy or a shackle? Will they print them in the history books, resound them for future generations? Or will they fade into obscurity like the words of every Apollo astronaut that came after Armstrong? Just a few more words said by another guy whose name most people won’t remember a few decades from now.

“‘With a single step, we return to the unknown for all mankind,’” Gale read from the notebook. “That’s… not bad?”

Bucky shrugged. “A little on the nose.”

“‘As we step onto the lunar surface once again, we bring with us all that we know, and all that we love, to move forward into a brighter future.’”

Bucky made a face as Pepper nudged at his hand with her wet nose. He stroked the top of her head gently, thinking that she had him trained and not the other way around. “Feels sappy.”

Gale glanced down at him. “You are sappy.”

“You’re the only one who knows that.”

Gale rolled his eyes and flipped a few more pages. Bucky closed his eyes as he waited for what was coming, knowing he’d been slowly devolving into madness. Gale choked on a laugh. “‘Hello world, I’m on the fucking moon.’ ‘To all the professors who tried to fail me, who’s laughing now.’ ‘I have the high ground.’ – God, you’re a nerd.” Bucky stuck his tongue out at him before he could continue. “‘Welcome to the shit show.’ ‘Hold on, let me take a selfie.’ ‘We’re here and we’re queer, fight me.’” Gale squinted at the page, running his thumb along some concoction of supposed letters. “I can’t read this one.”

Bucky leaned his head back against the couch so Gale could hold the notebook in front of his face, pointing to a barely legible scrawl across the top of the page. “We’re back, bitches.”

Gale nodded thoughtfully. “Alternatively, the bitch is back.”

“And then I’ll lower my visor like sunglasses,” Bucky nodded. “Stare off into the lunar sunrise. Make a moment of it.”

“Probably not the moment NASA wants,” Gale acquiesced, throwing the notebook to the couch cushion beside him. “You could sing Into the Unknown from Frozen.”

“Oh sure.” Bucky chuckled, scratching at Pepper’s ears. “I can see the headlines. ‘NASA Sends Crazy Queer to Space.’”

“We’re all mad here.”

“This ain’t Alice in Wonderland.”

“It’s true though.” Gale reached his hand down, making a grabbing motion until Bucky noticed and twined their fingers together, letting Gale tug him up onto the couch to Pepper’s dismay. Bucky settled against Gale’s side, mindlessly fiddling with Gale’s fingers like he often does. Gale smiled and leaned his head against Bucky’s, pressing his lips into soft, dark hair. “I’m a fan of welcome to the shit show.”

“Something tells me NASA won’t be.”

A few moments passed, and for those few moments, they weren’t anyone special. They were just a married couple curled up together on the couch. 

Then Gale said, “Maybe something about why it’s so important? Why we’re going back at all.”

Bucky thought for a moment, staring out the window at the night sky beyond. An entire universe that they’ve barely cracked the surface of, worlds and worlds that they may never get to explore. Both Bucky and Gale have always been endlessly fascinated by the infinite unknown. 

“We return to the moon not as a final frontier, but as a stepping stone on humanity’s expedition to explore the wider universe.”

“Mmm.” Gale tilted his head, considering. “That might be too optimistic. Don’t want to be making promises on NASA’s behalf.”

“In case we can’t get our shit together?” Bucky scoffed. Gale nodded, and Bucky had to agree. “Okay, how about, ‘this is the best fucking day of my life.’”

Gale frowned, pulling away to look at Bucky more directly. “I thought marrying me was the best day of your life.”

Bucky’s hair brushed against Gale’s cheek as he turned to look at him, too, letting himself drown in perfect blue eyes as he lifted his hand to cup the side of Gale’s face. “It was,” he breathed out. He kissed Gale then, with a gentle passion that carried with it a silent promise of you are my everything, you are my home. I will come back to you. When Bucky pulled away, he stroked his thumb over Gale’s jaw and let himself marvel at this life he’d made for himself. He’s doing everything he’s ever dreamed of, and he can’t ask for much more. But somewhere along the way, he’d gotten so damn lucky even on top of all of that. This man in front of Bucky, holding him in his arms with such love and warmth, has always been, and always will be, the best thing to ever happen to him. “Gale?” he whispered. 

“Yeah?” Gale’s voice came out in a puff of breath against Bucky’s cheek.

“I love you.”

–

So that’s what Gale thinks as he watches the screen at the front of Mission Control, which is showing video feed from the camera Curt is holding as he follows John to the hatch. It’s what he thinks as he watches the hatch open and John – not physically recognizable because of his bulky EVA suit and yet unequivocally John – stops at the top of the steps that are lowering to the surface. I love you. I love you I love you I love you. 

He can feel everyone in Mission Control holding their breath again. The whole world is holding their breath, crowded around TV screens and computers and phones, waiting. Waiting to see John Egan and Curtis Biddick step foot on the lunar surface. Waiting to hear what John will say to commemorate this moment.

Gale is pleasantly surprised, and admittedly relieved, to hear the words that Bucky has chosen to speak into the world. As the Artemis commander grips the side of the hatch, he looks out at the lunar surface beyond, at the untread terrain that they have the honor to explore. “It sure took us a long time, but we finally made it back,” he remarks. Then he takes a deep breath and hesitates, and Gale knows that, despite Bucky’s cocksure attitude and impulsive personality, he wants to get this right. 

“As we step foot into this beautiful unknown once again,” he says. “We do it not just for ourselves, but for the people of planet earth. We do it for everyone who dares to dream of a brighter future. Everyone who dares to step with us.”

Then he steps delicately onto the surface, and his boot sinks into the fine lunar soil below. One foot, and then the other. One step, and then another. 

He’s on the moon.

“How’s it look, John?” Gale asks.

Bucky turns slowly, open-mouthed, thinking that he feels like he’s on another world before his brain catches up and remembers that it is another world. They’re at the top of a massive ridge connecting two even more massive craters. The sun is just above the horizon, casting long, eerie shadows across the surface where it hits the crater rims. It’s silent. Peaceful. Like he just wants to sit right down on the ground and take it all in for a while.

“John?”

“Hi angel,” Bucky says, too in awe to realize he just called his CAPCOM “angel” on a globally televised broadcast. Neither of them will ever live it down.

But Gale only chuckles. “You okay up there?”

Curt, stepping down off the lander behind Bucky, adjusts the camera so he can record their surroundings. “I think we’re just a little in awe, Buck,” he says, since Bucky seems incapable.

But Bucky manages to find his words again as he steps further away from the lander, Curt recording him from behind as they both test out the gravity on the surface, taking a few bounding strides forward. “It’s incredible,” Bucky breathes, raising his arms out to the sides as if he can somehow absorb this experience into his mind and body. 

He motions to Curt, grabbing for the camera so he can get some airtime, too. He records as Curt bounds a few long and ungainly slow-motion steps away, trying to work out the best way to move in this new environment. Bucky follows behind clumsily.

“See that, world?” he says as he pans the camera around, giving visual of their lander stretching up to the dark sky, the beautifully foreboding crater some distance behind it, the rocky terrain on all sides streaked with long shadows, Curt dropping to his knees into the rough and sandy regolith. “You’re looking at the lunar south pole. No one has ever stepped foot on this part of the moon, but you’re seeing it right now. It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“It sure is, Bucky,” Gale tells him, as their only link to the rest of the planet.

“Buck,” Curt interrupts as he lets a handful of the soil, fine and sharp like grains of glass, sift between his gloved fingers. “Can confirm the moon is not made of cheese.”

“Alright, Curt,” Gale replies, all too serious. “Thank you for that observation, we’ll note it down. Just please don’t taste it.”

“No promises.”

After a few more minutes of bounding around in wonder and narrating what they’re seeing, Curt and Bucky sign off from their live broadcast.

“O2 levels look good,” Gale informs them. “How’s the pressure feel?”

“It’s fine,” Bucky replies. “It’s dropped just a bit. A little easier to move. I expect it’ll keep improving as we get going here.”

A suit that decreases pressure in increments was NASA’s solution to their decompression sickness problem. When the body is too quickly exposed to low pressure environments, gases dissolved in bodily fluids, namely nitrogen, bubble out, causing a whole host of health issues called ‘the bends’ or decompression sickness. Designing a space suit that maintains the same pressure as the crew cabin – which is the same as mean sea level pressure on Earth – would result in a stiff suit that is impossible to move in. Typically, astronauts on the ISS spend many hours before an EVA pre-breathing – breathing pure oxygen to allow the body enough time to naturally purge the nitrogen – making it possible for them to safely wear EVA suits with a much lower pressure. To shorten this amount of time, astronauts may do physical activity while breathing pure O2, making the body rid itself of nitrogen even faster.

NASA wanted to reduce pre-breathing time as much as possible on Artemis. So on top of some time spent pre-breathing during exercise, the suits are equipped with oxygen regulators, which gradually decrease the suit pressure over time as the crew is out on the surface. Their suits are at a higher pressure when they first start the EVA, and as their nitrogen levels drop during the EVA, the suit pressure decreases, making it much easier to move around.

NASA didn’t come to the moon to play. They’re here for the future. To learn and to work and to push humanity to new heights. It’s a testing ground of sorts, to see how extended extraterrestrial missions may be feasible. The mission is designed for maximum productivity, and they have a lot to do here in the next week. Every single element has been designed with that in mind.

“Good to hear,” Gale says. “Now let’s get to work.”

…

…

Part 10

A3’s planned flight path for those interested:

(Image from NASA)

[cor-lapis-candy]

I wanna hit you all with more shady scumbag landlord Diluc, maybe he owns multiple bars across town and has a couple employee lodgings for like uni students or trade college students to live in while they study and work for him.

You're one of those students, working every few days at one of his bars/wine tasting joints, dressed in the black and white uniform most evenings and not once have you seen your top boss or landlord, not even on inspection or maintenance requests. The red head is a mystery to you, hell you only know he is a red head due to a picture in your bar proclaiming who he was, if not for that you would never have known what he looked like.

And yet as of late your neighbours, some rowdy boys or something, had begun moving out, the floor out were on becoming more and more silent, soon it was you and some elderly couple that helped keep the building up to scratch and that was it, so when you heard clamoring noises and banging or renovations being done what could you have thought but someone new moving in.

You were correct but it was less someone new and more your landlord and boss taking over most of the floor, the two apartments beside you had become one sprawling condo, housing none other than Diluc Ragnvindr, the red headed mystery and now your neighbour.

Correction, now your living next door nightmare.

The smallest of noises after 9pm had him knocking, no banging on your door to tell you to keep it down, you set off the fire alarm and he had simply unlocked your door and walked in, turning the device off and scolding you for making him waste his time. But the real hassle began when you fell behind on rent, between your classes and the fewer shifts you had been given you had been like a hundred and sixty under but nonetheless you had fallen behind.

With your boss and landlord next door it was inevitable when you sent the rent you had that he would be there, at your door right after he received a note that it was under, but not twenty minutes after you had sent the transfer he was unlocking your door, waltzing in and sprawling himself across your sofa.

"Any particular reason for the rent being short? Or are we just not cut out for adult life anymore?"

Walking into him being a brute with his blunt demeanor was not at the top of your Thursday evenings plans, the top was in fact the shower and cry but exception must be made and today's seemed to be hearing out your landlord and he wholeheartedly pushed through any formalities and barrels straight into some very interesting and scummy territory.

"You know if the bar isn't good enough my brother has a much better establishment for you, that mouth of yours could make rent in a single night if you acted right..."

You had met his brother or well ex-brother before, he had been drinking at your section of the bar and been very vocal about shit clients and them not paying their dues on commissions, you had thought he was a salesman or broker but now you knew better.

Perhaps you would steer clear of him next time you saw him...

"...or maybe I should make you pay the remainder back in that fashion. He charges about that much for 20mins after all, so are we going to pay our rent in full here and now or are we having a shadow for the next few days? I would so love to watch how the staff of your particular bar actually work."

Now comes the stomach turning choice, debase yourself to pay rent and do... Something to or for your landlord or put all your struggling coworkers under the owners eye until you had paid back why you owed.

Sure your hands might shake and your eyes may be watering as you lower yourself before him, black shirt and white waistcoat wrinkled from your shift, knees heavy as you shuffle closer to him letting him take your limp wrists in his hands before being guided down to his belt, but at least you knew you wouldn't have this debt hanging over your coworkers...

For now, that is, there is always next month's rent to be paid...

[mosephf]

I want to say a word or two on executive dysfunction, accepting yourself, and finding what works even if it feels weird. See below.

I am a graduate student, and I also have ADHD. I'm very high functioning (though I know that's an outdated term) and I'm best in a classroom environment, which is the only reason I made it as far as I have with schooling according to the woman who diagnosed me. Basically, my baseline intelligence and mental acuity are high enough that high school and university were possible for me despite the huge gap between those and my actual processing speed. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Starting grad school was my first real experience with executive dysfunction to the point of it being debilitating. I had experienced it before, but brute force was always enough to get me through, and the burnout would always come after a deadline. Having to focus and be engaged and forward thinking everyday, doing work that requires much more planning and engagement, and commuting for 3 hours a day started to physically exhaust me, as it does with every grad student. Other stressers like the starvation wage that grad students are paid (and then we're told it's generous and you can find other work), COVID-19, family drama, all came together to produce a perfect storm of executive dysfunction.

One major symptom for me is showering. I shower maybe... once a week? That wouldn't be an issue for some people, but the key is that I always shower a good two days after I probably should. At least. It has a major effect on my life. My fiance is sensitive and finds me being stinky not the most enjoyable (fair), I don't like feeling like I smell at work, and my skin and hair have been suffering. Yet I can't shower more often. I tried to make it work, doing small rinses at night or getting up earlier, but these fixes never really worked.

I was forcing myself to conform to "normal" showering habits: morning or night showerer. What I had forgotten was the time when I was most consistent showering was when I snuck it in between other tasks. During my prior life as a nanny, I would do a quick work out and then quickly shower while the baby was napping (kid would sleep for at least 2 hours, what a God-send). So... maybe midday showering, despite it being less common, could be the solution?

Last night I felt gross, but as usual came home, cooked dinner and ate. Then when my fiance got up to do the dishes and clean the kitchen as he always does, I got up and showered. It felt AMAZING. I was washing off the day. I wasn't going to go to sleep with soaked hair. I woke up the next morning with my alarm and got to spend some time drinking coffee and resting instead of laying in bed until the last possible second because I know I have to shower but I can't and if I'm late, then I dont have to. And suddenly it clicked.

When you are struggling to build habits with ADHD or battling with executive dysfunction from any number of neurodivergencies, find what works for you, not what works for most. Trying to conform to what others do will not help. Keep trying new things, and eventually you'll find a solution for you. Showering in the middle of the day is pretty mild. But other methods of selfcare like "I can only feed myself if I pretend to feed this plushy" or "I can't brush my teeth with mint toothpaste because it's a sensory nightmare, I just use water because something is better than nothing" or "I have to work on my dissertation at 2 in the morning because that's when my brain works, so I build the rest of my schedule around that" that might seem more "unusual" (and these are still mild) should also be acceptable. If it works, DO IT.

There's my rant. Find your midday showers. Have a good day, everybody!

[angrenwen]

"

And the dragonet really wasn’t much work. It slept by the fire, and followed me around by day like one of my dogs. It mostly fed itself, after the first few days. A farm always has plenty of rats and mice, lizards and bugs of all descriptions, and the dragon was fast and clever. After a while I named her Diver, because her favourite trick was to dive down on her prey from above. I started thinking of her as ‘her’ even before that, though I wasn’t sure how you told with dragons. But most animals on a farm are female, and most animals will throw more females than males, overall. The odds seemed to lean towards female, so that’s what I called her.

The dogs got used to her quickly, and soon she was riding around on their backs when her little wings got tired. The cows and my few sheep probably thought she was a strange sort of bird, and the chickens just seemed to find her confusing. The geese, of course, tried to eat her. Geese are like that. Once they found out that she was wearing very tough scales and could whip around to bite even when they had a firm grip on her, they reluctantly left her alone.

Diver was nearly a month old the first time a hawk tried to take her. She’d grown a lot – she was nearly the size of a chicken, now, at least in length, though still no bigger around than a chicken’s egg. She was big enough now that she’d started venturing further away from me, and while no hawk would try to take something off a human’s shoulder – no smart one anyway – a fluttering thing at the other end of a field was another matter altogether.

I didn’t see the stoop – I was closing the gate behind the cows I’d moved into that field – but I heard Diver’s shriek of alarm and turned in time to see the puff of flame. When I got there, Diver was sitting next to the scorched remains of a hawk, looking puzzled. She opened and shut her mouth a few times, as if wondering what had just happened inside it, then she sneezed and shot a jet of flame over nearly a foot of grass. Fortunately it was an early spring morning, and between dew and damp the grass might have been wetter if it had been raining, but not by much. Then she looked up at me in bewilderment.

“Don’t do it inside the house,” I told her, and filled a couple of buckets to leave inside, just in case.

My farm is a remote one. Diver was two months old before anyone saw her but me and the father and son who acted as my farmhands. I couldn’t pay them much, but they were landless people and glad to find a farmer willing to let them build a snug cottage on my land, and pay coin for their work besides. They hoped I would leave them the farm, I think. I might have – I didn’t have any children, and they would take good care of the place. Anyway, they didn’t give me any trouble about Diver. They both said, and I agreed, that like any baby wild creature she would revert to wildness when she grew bigger. A fox cub or a young crow can be a pet for a season, but they go back to their own kind in the end.

One of my neighbours, a sheep-farmer named Pegg, was the first. He came, as he does every now and then, to buy a couple of fat geese for his wife to cook. She’s scared to death of geese, so they don’t keep them, but now and then they’ll buy a gander or two for roasting. “What is that?” he demanded, staring at Diver, who was sitting up on the back of one of the cows. I’d brought her in to treat a scratched teat, and she was tethered in the yard.

“A cow,” I said, unable to resist. I don’t talk to people often, so my sense of humour doesn’t get exercised as much as it would like.

“No, what’s that on top of it?” He sounded nervous.

“A baby dragon, I think. That stupid fat chicken who’s always broody, the one who’ll even hatch turkey eggs, must have found the egg somewhere. I thought it was a goose egg until it hatched.”

He went pale. “A dragon? What’s it still doing here? They’re wild from the egg, everyone knows that.”

Somehow, I didn’t like the way he looked at me, so I didn’t admit to feeding Diver and making a pet of her. “If you think any sensible dragon would go flying off up to the rocks when it’s getting fat on rats and mice around my barns, you’re stupider than that damned chicken. It’ll move on when it’s hunted me out.”

“Or start eating the chickens.”

“It won’t do that. It’s never bothered the chicks, or the goslings, or even the wild birds. It’ll eat beetles all day, but never birds.” I shrugged. “Who likes getting a mouthful of feathers? That muzzle isn’t like a beak, she can’t rip the skin off without choking herself on them.”

That seemed to reassure him, for some reason. “Well, that’s true. It’s like a wild kitten, I suppose.”

I nodded. The little spotted wild cats often lurked around a farm for the choice pickings, and learned fast not to bother the chickens and ducks when there was all the rats a cat could eat there in the granary. “I was thinking more like a fox cub. They’re clever enough not to run off until they’re big enough to fend for themselves.”

He was nodding, and it might have ended there if another hawk – they were unfortunately common around here – hadn’t chosen that exact moment to make a dive at one of my young pullets, scratching in the courtyard. They usually didn’t do it while I was standing there, but I was some distance away, and it must have thought it was safe.

It wasn’t. Diver had had several encounters with hawks and falcons by then, and she didn’t care for them at all. Even before I’d realized that the circling hawk had stooped, Diver hopped up off the cow’s back, screeching her disapproval, and spat a jet of flame. The hawk was already dead when it hit the ground. Diver’s flame had grown much stronger, and she had never forgotten the first time one of them tried to eat her. She seemed to have a personal grudge, and flamed them whenever they came near her. The cow and chickens didn’t even twitch. They’re all used to her now.

When I looked around, Pegg had taken to his heels.

Two days later, half the village showed up at my gate demanding that I get rid of the dragon. I told them to bugger off. On my farm, I told them, I could keep what animals I chose. Had I ever complained when other farmers raised orphaned creatures? Of course not. Even foxes, which might raid my chicken runs. The little dragon wasn’t hurting anything.

They came back, though. Again and again. The last time, my own neighbours carried pitchforks against me, and lit torches.

But that was in the autumn, and Diver was as long in the body as a horse and as wide around as a sheep. When she saw the torches and weapons, she leaped up from where she had been lying in the sun, and she roared in fury. She had never been hurt by a human, beyond being rapped on the nose when she tried to steal food, but somehow she knew that this time there was danger. She spat flame, high over their heads in clear warning, and they took to their heels. My farm-hands had been with them, and left with them.

I didn’t mind being alone. I’d always been a solitary soul. With Diver’s help, I managed the farm alone. She was clever – I already knew by then that she understood at least as many commands as the dogs did – and very strong.

Keeping her fed through winter wasn’t the easiest matter, but not the hardest, either. She ate little for her size, but her size was that of a winged horse, with seven feet of long tail besides. I snared rabbits for her, sometimes, and there were always deer in the forest. Between that, and the product of the farm, we ate well enough. It wasn’t easy to fit her into the house any more, but I’d moved out some of the furniture and made a space for her to curl up in at night. Sometimes, while her body lay beside the fire, her long neck snaked up to the loft where I slept and she rested her head on the bed beside me. The scales on her face were fine and smooth, like a snake’s skin, and when I stroked her face she sighed and nuzzled me affectionately.

It was towards the end of winter when I heard a voice shouting outside. I went out, surprised, to find a man on horseback, all shining chain mail and glittering breastplate. “What do you want?” I demanded, annoyed. Rich and important he might be, but a freeholder had rights even the wealthy were supposed to respect. On my own land, provided that I’d broken no laws, the king himself must respect my rights.

He looked startled. “I… was told that a dragon had taken this farm for its lair. Perhaps this is not the right – “ Diver galloped around the corner of the barn at that moment, snorting angrily, and he stopped talking so fast he might have bitten his tongue.

“Diver!” I snapped. “Sit! Stay!”

Diver pranced a bit, not wanting to, then sighed and slammed her large bottom down on the snow with an audible thump. Both the dogs, who’d been flanking her, did the same. The picture was ridiculous, and as annoyed as I was, I was chuckling when I turned back to the knight. “Yes, I have a dragon. No, she has not taken my farm. Yes, she is well trained and works my stock just as the dogs do. And if you take one step onto my land and threaten my stock, sir, then I will make a complaint at Moot, and you will have to pay me the value of every animal you have harmed.”

“But…” he pointed at Diver, “dragons cannot be tamed, and they cannot be stock!”

“She’s a working animal, and she has lived here and obeyed my commands for almost a year. And I assure you, I will place the value of the only tame dragon in the world very high.” I leaned in. He was young, and his armour was shiny because it hadn’t seen much use, I could tell. “Are you sure you can pay it?”

He huffed and puffed a little, but he left after that. The second and third did the same. The laws of restitution are ancient, far older than our current king’s lineage, one of the oldest laws we have. What is taken from the one who holds it must be paid for in kind or in coin. When it came to a sheep or a cow, well, that was easy. A child, less so. Replacing the only tame dragon in the world might strain a king’s purse, if the Moot saw it that way.

The fourth knight was different. He came riding a dark brown horse, almost black, and his trappings were black picked out in blue. He didn’t shout, but waited until I saw him. Then he slid off his horse, and knelt before me in the snow.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

“Take me into your service,” he said solemnly. His helm hid most of his face, but the chin and lips were those of a man in his prime, with only the faintest lines around the mouth.

I stared at him. “You want me to what?”

“You are the dragon-tamer. They say you are a sorcerer of great power. Let me be your right hand, and I will lead your armies.”

I looked around at the farm-yard, which smelled better than farm-yards usually do only because most of the shit was frozen solid, then at Diver, who looked back at me with as bewildered a look as I had. I swear she looked at him, then looked at me, and shrugged slightly. “I am a farmer, not a sorcerer. The dragon is trained as a herding dog. The only army I’ll ever lead is an angry flock of geese. Get up off your knees and bugger off.”

He rose, and watched me for a long moment. “Then let me buy the dragon of you. I will pay you a fortune in gold for so well-trained a creature.” Something in his voice had changed, and not for the better. He’d respected me before. He didn’t now.

“I don’t want or need a fortune in gold. I am a farmer, nothing more. Go away.”

He drew his sword, then. He was a foolish man. He looked at me and saw a stout woman in middle age, bundled in worn wool, holding only a shovel. Unarmed. Helpless.

I have done the work of two men on the farm since I was a girl. I am broad with muscle, not fat,  strong enough to make even a bull mind me, and I can move very fast when I have to. He was expecting me to try to block the sword with the shovel. Instead I swung low, hitting him in the side of the knee with a force that made bone crack and the man scream.

He only had time for one scream. Then Diver barrelled past me and roasted him inside his armour. Her fire was so hot that the armour blazed red-hot in an instant, and he was a charred and unmoving mass when he hit the snow. Well, he was from the chest up. Diver has figured out that the best way to kill prey is to flash-roast the head, which kills them in seconds but leaves the rest of the body intact and ready for butchering.

“No,” I said firmly, when she sniffed at the body. “Eating humans is a bad habit to get into.”

She snorted, as if in agreement, then wound her long neck around me possessively. “Silly girl,” I told her, rubbing behind her ear-holes affectionately. “Help me get him back on the horse.”

The dogs kept the horse in place while we hoisted the man over his saddle and tied him on. He had a dagger on his belt, and I used it to secure a message to his backside. “NOT A SORCERER. DRAGON NOT FOR SALE”

After that, nobody bothered us for a while.

When spring was turning into summer, three knights came together. One was the first one who’d come to me, but this time he was leading two more, who were dressed in finer garb and with a bit of gold leaf here and there on their armour. When I went out to shoo them off, Diver trotting behind me, they both took off their helmets and stared.

Diver was well worth looking at by then, with a barrel like the biggest cart-horse and a tail eight feet long. Her scales were pretty, glittery things, all the colours of ice, blues and greens and whites and silvers, and her round eyes were as blue as forget-me-nots. What really seemed to draw their attention, though, was my bitch-dog with a litter of puppies, all resting on Diver’s broad back, and the pair of chickens riding on her tail. They did that sometimes.

“I told you,” the youngest knight said, with a note of triumph in his voice. “It’s a perfectly tame dragon, AND it’s a working animal on a farm. There’d be more glory in fighting a bull in a field. Bulls are much fiercer.”

“Bulls won’t blow a blast of fire so hot that your melted brain and eyeballs will be dripping out of your skull before you hit the ground.” I leaned on the pitchfork I’d been using. “But she’s still my dragon, and this is my land, and I have rights.”

“Has she ever done that? Really?” One of the older men, now that his helm was off, looked more like a scholar than a knight, with a grizzled beard and a thoughtful sort of face.

“It’s how she hunts deer.” I shrugged, deliberately casual. “She did it to a knight once, when he attacked me with a sword, but if you don’t threaten her she won’t bother you.”

The dog got up and jumped down from Diver’s back, using the dragon’s angled back leg to turn one long jump into two short ones. The puppies stayed where they were, by now quite accustomed to being left on Diver’s back when their mother had other things to do. One started to gnaw on one of the upstanding plates that guarded her spine, which Diver didn’t appear to notice at all.

“Remarkable,” the scholarly looking man said thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose you’d tell me how you did it?”

That surprised me, and I shrugged. “It’s no secret, plenty of the village people know. One of my chickens stole the egg and hatched it, and then I fed her before turning her loose. But she wouldn’t go, even when I carried her up into the hills, so I just kept feeding her. She picked up the first few commands from the dogs, and now she understands more of them than they do.”

“King Roderick, the grandfather of the current king,” the scholarly man said thoughtfully, “tried three times to tame dragons. Two he trapped young, like hawks, but they could not be tamed, and savaged or burned those who trapped them. The third came from an egg he hatched, but it too could not be tamed.”

“How did he hatch it?” I asked.

“I believe the egg was kept in a brass bowl until it hatched, for safety.”

“Maybe he should have tried pushing it under a chicken’s arse,” I said, shrugging. “Diver came out tame enough. Maybe he didn’t keep it warm enough. They’re warm-blooded, you know, not lizards. Her head is as good as a hot brick in the bed, in winter.”

“They’re left out on crags to hatch alone,” the scholarly man protested.

I shrugged. “They can survive hatching alone. So can a chicken egg, if you leave it somewhere warm and it’s far enough along. But you don’t get a healthy chick, or a good-tempered one. Maybe the ones you find are the ones that the mother lost, or the mother was killed by one of you knights. Maybe they scatter some of their eggs because knights raid their lairs, and they want some of the babies to survive. All I know is, all it took was a broody chicken to turn out a nice-natured dragon at least as smart as a pig, and any farmer can tell you they’re smarter than just about any other animal.”

“I thought horses were the most intelligent animals.” It was the other newcomer, the one who hadn’t spoken before.

“Hah. Horses are nervous idiots most of the time. No, pigs and dogs. Especially pigs.” I spread my hands. “That’s why I don’t keep them. They’re more trouble than they’re worth. The goats are bad enough.” Diver had moved closer to the gate now, and she extended her head on its long neck to put her nose over the gate. I patted her head gently. “If you take off those gauntlets, you can pat her nose. Just don’t go for a weapon or she’ll bite your arm off.”

The young one and the horse-lover backed away nervously. The scholarly one pulled off his gauntlet and touched the soft white muzzle. Diver sniffed his hand with interest and he smiled. “I don’t suppose you know where that chicken got the egg?”

“Until it hatched I thought she’d stolen it from one of the geese.” I shrugged again. “I have no idea where she found it, or how to find another one. All I know is, a broody chicken will sit on anything egg-shaped.”

“Really, anything?”

I snorted. “You can put them on an egg shaped rock and they’ll keep it warm.”

About two years later, I heard that the king had a tame dragon, and one or two of his knights as well. My neighbours started talking to me again after that. Apparently if the king can do something, it isn’t dark sorcery. My workers asked if they could come back, but I had a different helper by then, and wouldn’t have taken them back even if I hadn’t. They’d known Diver since she was small enough to sleep in my boot, and they’d come for her with pitchforks.

My new helper was a boy, a skinny runaway Diver had found in the forest the previous winter, half-frozen and three-quarters starved. He adored her, and slept against her side at night. Talas, he said his name was, and I took his word for it. He worked hard, and was good with animals. He was a good boy.

That spring, Talas came running into the house early in the morning when he should have been feeding the chickens, his eyes huge. “Come and see! Come and see!” He grabbed my arm and dragged me out to the chicken run. Under a certain fat brown chicken, the daughter or granddaughter of the fat brown chicken who had hatched Diver, a little red and copper head was peering out, blinking in confusion. The chicken looked just as confused as her mother had, years ago, and Diver had poked her head through the door and was sniffing with interest.

Well, I wasn’t getting caught that way twice. “You take her out from under the chicken,” I told Talas. “Feed her, and put her up on the window-ledge in the sun. If she wants to, she’ll stay with you.”

She did.

Still, I wish I knew where the chickens were getting those eggs. Two dragons is enough for even a good farm to support. I don’t know what I’ll do with the next one.

___

Note: Yes, I know that chickens ‘sitting’ on eggs are actually brooding them under their chest and stomach areas. For comedic purposes, however, the term IS ‘sitting’ and feathery chest just doesn’t sound as funny as feathery arse"

Just because one of your chicken eggs hatched a fire breathing dragon people think you’re evil. But you’re still just a regular farmer trying to make a living while dealing with an overprotective dragon, heroes that want to kill you and fanatics who want to worship you as the new Demon Lord.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

She’s the Man (Fellowship x Disguised as Boy! Reader)

Requested by anon

Warnings: mentions of domestic/sexual assault, nudity, awkward public bathing. Might trigger a gender identity crisis in some of you folks, but don’t worry, join the club—we’re getting jackets made.

Synopsis: after having run away from your noble family and horrid husband, you cut your hair short and start dressing like a boy, presenting yourself as one throughout all of Middle-earth. This becomes hard, though, as you start travelling with the Fellowship, where they start to suspect something is up with their young “boy” comrade.

Restrictions, restrictions, restrictions—that’s all you’ve ever known. You first noticed the tight chains on your soul when you were five, when your mother forbade you from playing with the local stable-hands.

You next noticed it when you were ten, being forced to wear tight corsets to shape your body before it even began blooming.

The final nail in the coffin, however, was when you turned fifteen, and were married off to a local, and quite old tradesman.

Though he dealt in silken fabrics, he was anything but smooth or soft. The night of your wedding was painful in all regards, for at fifteen you weren’t even sure if you were allowed to remove the tight corset during the act.

Five years more of total misery accompanied you, as you were forced to attend noble banquets and celebrations.

You encountered a wide range of people, from the likes of Denethor and his two sons, to the sickly Rohan King. Of course, they did not encounter you, for you were not allowed to speak unless spoken to, which was rare.

The two sons of Denethor and King Théoden’s own son, Théodred, as well as his two cousins, Eowyn and Eomer, were the only ones to initiate conversation with you.

You quickly realized they were better-spirited than their parents, but didn’t have the chance to explore more. A tight grip on your wrist from your husband silenced you, as he tore you away from the circle of new acquaintances quickly.

That night, life in your guestroom with your husband was a living hell, as he reminded you whom exactly you belonged to.

That was the night you snapped.

Bruised and sore, you wept into your sheets. Your husband had long-gone to drink more wine at the party, leaving his young wife alone in a state of mess.

It was around the third hour of crying that you studied the tapestry on the wall above your bed. With hair wettened by your tears clinging to your puffy cheeks, you ran your reddened eyes along the art.

It depicted a strong soldier atop a horse, riding into battle. A sword was drawn, and his short hair flowing in the wind behind him.

Subconsciously, you reached up to your own hair, long in length—your husband’s desire—and pulled on it.

As mounted in every room, two swords crossed each other over a shield, making a pretty decoration above the mantle.

Looking between the bruises inside your thighs, the tapestry and the sword, your jaw quickly set. Your eyes hardened, as you threw the sheets off your frame and stalked towards the mantle.

Glancing over your shoulder, you ensured no one was entering your room. With an emotional mind made up, you removed both swords from the shield.

Hastily, you used one to bar the door shut, and walked to the centre of the room with the other. With no candlelight around, you knelt on the fur rug under a square beam of moonlight, which poured in through the bedroom windows.

You looked at your reflection in the sword, and studied the state of your misery. Despising your parents, your husband and your life, you quickly put the sword to your hair.

With only a second to build the courage, you sliced all long locks from your head, springing forward a boyish look—instantly freeing yourself from your lifelong chains.

Breathing heavily in shock, you looked at the clump of hair on the floor, and picked it up. One hand ran through your now very short locks, and the other fingered the cut clump.

However, shocked breaths soon turned into joyous laughter, as your chest swelled with pride and your eyes watered.

Standing up swiftly, you ran towards the bathroom and opened the drawers. Finding a pair of scissors, you got to work and began styling your hair further.

Soon, you were left looking like a boy, by Middle-earth’s human standards. Your hair barely scraped the nape of your neck at the back, and in front, you had a fringe swooping to one side.

Grinning brightly, and now on a roll, you ran back to the mantle. Opening your husband’s drawers, you quickly discarded your nightgown and slipped his tunic on.

Shrugging the loose fit over your form, you secured it with a thick brown belt, trousers and used your own boots.

Studying yourself in the mirror, you realized this must be how you would’ve looked if born a boy, and you were surprised within yourself over liking it.

Throwing your clump of cut hair into the fire, you soon began tying sheets together. That night, you escaped down the window and fled the city atop a stolen horse, riding towards your new life.

Five years passed by, and you had been on the run ever since. Life was never easy for you, but at least now you were calling the shots.

You had taken to your new life as a boy, like a duck to water, presenting yourself as the rather quiet and distant “Arlo”.

You kept your head down and worked hard wherever you went, whether as a blacksmith’s apprentice, baker’s boy or stablehand.

Your most favourite part of the road, however, was learning to use a sword. With a book stolen from a library and five years��� worth of nights to practice, you had become quite skilled. The spite drove you forward.

You vowed no one would ever best you in combat again, pushing you harder every day. Your best friend and only companion was your horse, Paxton, and together the two of you explored Middle-earth to its very ends.

Along your travels, you had taken to competing in swordfight competitions, where you earned most of your cash. Swindling them, you presented yourself as a weak and frail boy, but in the end ultimately beat them all.

You gained a reputation quickly, and were slightly infamous for your swordsman skills, despite being so small.

It was this reputation that led you to Elrond’s secret council in Rivendell.

Your eyes had gone wide in alarm upon entering the petal-strewn area—where the council was set to be held—for Boromir, one of Denethor’s sons, was there.

You almost turned and ran, but he caught your eye quickly. You didn’t know whether or not to avoid his gaze, but that would bring about suspicion.

He instead smiled warmly at you, and thought nothing of your appearance. You nodded back tightly, and took your seat far away from him.

You ended up sitting next to an elf, for you knew their gender worked differently from yours. He himself looked a little girlish, so you believed he’d think nothing of your appearance.

He studied you with a side-glance as you sat down, and nodded curtly. You clenched your jaw and nodded back, moving your eyes forwards again.

You discreetly let out a sigh of relief, as you found the coast to be clear. No one figured you to be a girl.

Soon, Elrond joined the council. You felt your breath hitch in your throat, as you realized his puzzled eyes lingered on you a little too long.

Worried he’d rat you out, you looked away. Knitting his brows, Elrond slowly tore his eyes away from you, and began the council.

Long story-short, you had been invited to participate on a dangerous quest, all food and expenses paid for. Unable to pass up such a good opportunity for you and your horse, you reluctantly agreed, offering your sword to the hobbit sworn to carrying Sauron’s ring.

The first few nights you kept to yourself, as an awkward air befell the Fellowship—none really knowing each other nor knowing how to interact.

Very quickly, cliques formed.

The hobbits kept to each other in a pack, Gandalf joining them. Aragorn and Legolas joined forces, and Boromir, Gimli and yourself found ranks in solitude.

However, this was not to last forever.

Boromir had attempted many times to strike up conversation with you, as besides Aragorn, you were the only other “man” there.

You kept it short and courteous, but made it apparent very quickly to everyone there that you were in no position to begin friendships. This was a job to you—nothing more, nothing less.

That still did not stop anyone from trying, though. After Boromir, Gimli was next. The topic of the night around the campfire was “women”, as they all discussed their perfect partner.

The conversation divided the group in half, over those choosing to go more physical in nature a direction, and the other half preferring emotions.

Gimli laughed heartily and elbowed you in the shoulder. “Forget this lot, eh? I bet you and I are exactly alike, laddie! Thick thighs and body hair all over! Am I right?”

Laughing nervously, you rubbed at the back of your neck. “Uh…not really…”

He blinked up at you in surprise for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders and pressing on in the conversation. Legolas studied you from across the fire, and made a mental note of your words.

Later on, when you were all setting up your rugs, Legolas approached you. He crouched down by your side and began helping to unroll your pack.

You recoiled from him slightly, and stared up in alarm. He looked back down at you briefly with a tight-lipped smile, and spoke.

“I agree with you from earlier,” he said. “I believe partnership should be about romance and emotions, not physical acts. How about you, mellon nin? Have a lady waiting back at home for you?”

You sputtered up at the prince, before averting your eyes and rolling your pack out faster. “No, I…uh, that’s not really my area…”

Legolas knitted his brows for a moment in confusion, before his lips parted in sudden understanding.

“Oh. Oh! Well, um…do you have a gentleman waiting back at home for you, then?”

Snapping your eyes up at him once more, you flushed.

“No! No! I, look—I’m really kinda tired.” You made a show of yawning loudly. “And I think I just wanna get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning, though…brother?”

Legolas blinked down at you a few times, before speaking and rising to his legs. “Oh! Uh, sure…that’s no hassle. Rest well…brother?”

“Will do,” you drew out, laying down.

He threw a glance over his shoulder at you, before walking away. He caught Aragorn’s eye as he walked past, with the ranger sat there puffing away on his pipe.

They both tightened their lips, looked away and raised their brows, figuring you were just a moody boy.

The most awkward situation of all, however, came a few weeks later. Having managed to sneak away from the Fellowship, you found a nice river, of which you could bathe in.

Paxton followed suit, keeping your towel wrapped over his saddle. He snorted in worry as you began to undress, revealing your body to the running river.

“It’s fine,” you laughed, girlishly. Your voice had returned to its normal pitch, for the first time in a long time. “Just because I’m pretending to be a boy as I travel with them, doesn’t mean I have to smell like one!”

Paxton snorted, and you knew he was telling you to hurry.

“All right, all right,” you laughed again, stepping into the water. You hugged your chest as you dipped below, submerging yourself fully.

Rising again, you exhaled a sigh of relief, and began washing the grime from your hair and face.

You were only in there for so long, however, for soon boyish laughter came from up the forested incline.

“Out of the way!” Pippin called, stripping off his clothes.

“No! You move!” Merry shouted back, also stripping down.

Behind them both, was the rest of the entire Fellowship, save for Gandalf.

Your eyes grew wide in alarm, as you watched them all meet the river’s bank. They then began undressing—Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas and the hobbits included.

Soon, they each all jumped into the water, splashing one another and laughing loudly. You found a large boulder within the river nearby, and swam behind it.

Peeking out from the side, you watched them all swim closer in a group to where you were. They began cleaning themselves, and soon just started to wade around—relishing in the cool feeling.

However, as you tried to swim away discreetly, Legolas’ elven ears caught you. He narrowed his eyes, and began swimming over to your rock.

Knowing you would be caught if you tried to flee, you pressed your back firm against the rock, lapping up against it.

Legolas was now upon you, and looked around the corner to find what was behind it. Once he saw it was only you, he beamed brightly.

Rising up out of the water, he folded his arms over the rock and leaned over, looking down at you.

You tried to not let your eyes drift or slip, as you stared back up at him. However, mistakes were made (but clearly not on his parents’ behalf).

“Hello, Arlo!” he announced merrily. “We didn’t know you were also in here.”

Upon hearing your name, the rest of the Fellowship waved you over, asking you to join them.

You chuckled nervously and began swimming backwards and away, speaking as you did so. “Oh, no…that’s quite all right! I, uh…just remembered I actually have something to do—”

“Oh, no! Don’t be like that!” Boromir chastised. He grabbed your wrist gently and reeled you back in towards him and Legolas.

Your shoulders went rigid, as you nearly brushed up against their bare bodies.

Soon, the hobbits, Gimli and Aragorn swam over to you, and you were more thankful now for the darkness of night than you had ever been.

Though, with one slither of moonlight in the right spot, you’d soon be exposed.

“Please don’t leave on our behalf, Arlo,” Aragorn encouraged, placing a hand on your wet shoulder. “It is good for team morale to bond like this. Besides, we’re all men here.”

“Some more than others!” Gimli announced. You looked up in the direction of his voice, and immediately covered your eyes.  

Gimli was stood with his hands on his hips, proudly naked atop your boulder.

“I am the king of this rock!” he announced. “Any competitors who’d like to have a go at pushing me off?”

“Please,” Legolas rolled his eyes, before he, too, swam over to the boulder and climbed atop it. “This will be the easiest fight of my life.”

Catching more than you wanted to see, you made a squeal of rejection, before forcibly pushing your way through the group and heading towards the bank.

Paxton met you quickly, and you swiftly wrapped the towel over your shoulders like a cloak, as to not make it obvious what you were covering, but doing so nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” you said to them, “but I truly do have something else to do…literally anything else. I’ll see you all back at camp.”

They watched as you left in a hurry, and shared glances with one another. Thinking nothing of it, besides your usual mood, they shrugged and returned to what they were doing.

This continued on for quite some time, throughout the entire Fellowship journey. Though, you never again attempted to bathe with them all around.

Fortunately, your travels soon took you out of the woods, and into the cities. Many fights had passed your small group, smaller now than before, by.

The most recent of battles saw many great feats—the “Battle of the Pelennor Fields” it was called.

In this battle, you had fought formidably. However, the true victory for women that day went to Eowyn. She had removed her helmet in the middle of the fight, pronounced she was “not a man”, like you had wanted to do so many times, and slayed the Witch-king of Angmar.

You were inspired greatly, but also so furious at yourself. You were also slightly jealous over the attention she got.

“What a brave woman,” Gimli would say.

“I’ve never met a woman so bold,” Merry added on.

“Truly remarkable,” Legolas agreed.

The six of you were sat in a stone courtyard together, camping out in the aftermath of the fight. Your jaw was rigid with fury, as you listened to them praise Eowyn over something you had been doing for the past few months.

Rolling your eyes, and making a show of turning over in your sleeping bag harshly, you quickly gained the Fellowship’s attention.

“Oh, and what is your problem, laddie?” Gimli snarked.

“Upset you were outshined by a girl?” Legolas taunted as well.

“You’re not that misogynistic, are you?” Merry chortled.

Aragorn glanced between your turned back and the laughing boys, before taking his own turn at scolding you.

“Arlo, Eowyn was a great asset today, and we are guests in her company. I will not see you sulking towards her remarkable feats.”

You glared at him over your shoulder, before huffing and returning to sleeping on your side. Your arms were folded over your chest, and your body burning in jealous rage.

“Gosh, what is the matter with you?” Legolas asked next, truly fed up with your attitude. “Why are you always in a bad mood?”

“Wouldn’t have taken you for a misogynist either,” Gimli remarked, smacking his gums as he ate a chicken leg.

You stayed on your side with your back turned to them for a few moments, glaring at the wall. However, the rage in your chest soon gave way to a lump in your throat, as you soon felt your secret burst within you.

“I’m not a misogynist…” you spoke up.

“Poppycock,” Gimli called you out.

Sighing, you sat up and looked at them to your side. “I’m not a misogynist, because…I’m not even a boy.”

Silence echoed around the courtyard, as your travel companions blinked back at you.

“What?” Pippin asked, squinting his eyes. “What do you mean you’re ‘not a boy’?”

Groaning through another sigh, and rolling your head, you pressed on. “I mean I’m NOT a boy! I’m a girl, for Eru’s sake…I’ve just been…presenting myself as one, for…reasons.”

“What reason could you possibly have to lie about something like that?” Legolas asked, not entirely believing you.

Feeling the urge to cry rising within you, you inhaled a deep breath and answered. “Nothing you men would understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Merry laughed, “but I don’t believe you at all. There’s no way you’re a girl.”

Glaring at him, you knew his words to be true. Knowing how to prove you were indeed a girl, you reached into your loose tunic, and began unwrapping the bind around your chest.

Pulling it out, you threw it down in front of the now gaping group. Without a shred of chivalry, still disbelieving you to be a girl at all, they glanced between the fabric and your chest, which indeed proved your gender.

“I don’t believe it…” Pippin whispered, staring with wide eyes.

In fact, they all did. With six pairs of male eyes on your chest, you felt very vulnerable and covered yourself.

This seemed to jolt them back to their senses, as they coughed uncomfortably and looked away.

The only one still looking into your eyes, was Aragorn. “Why did you feel the need to lie, my lady?”

Being called a “lady” for the first time in five years opened up a floodgate of emotions, as you wept into your hand.

“Yep, definitely a girl,” Merry rolled his eyes. A swift punched to his arm from Legolas silenced him.

Now knowing exactly how to deal with you, Aragorn stood up and crouched before you. He placed a tentative hand on your shoulder, and encouraged the other boys to come forwards, until they were sat all around you in a comforting circle.

“What is your real name, young maiden?” Aragorn asked softly.

Still sniffling into your hand, and bearing a downcast head, you spoke up in a barely audible voice.

“Y/n…” you revealed.

“What a beautiful name, Y/n,” he smiled warmly.

Like a turn of the tides, the boys all around took you under their wing, as if you were their own little sister. Everything about you now made sense, and they felt at ease with you instantly.

And, surprisingly, you found the same about them, regarding yourself. You didn’t at all feel threatened by their presence, but instead protected.

“I’m sorry,” you wept, shaking your head. “I had no choice, they made me marry him, and I-I couldn’t stay there, and then I had to make money so I ran with the lie and—”

They shushed your incoherent crying quickly, and rubbed at both your knees, back and shoulders comfortingly.  

They gained more information about your previous life in those few seconds than they had before in the last few months. They didn’t need to know anymore, nor wanted to, from the sounds of it all.

“Please don’t kick me out of the Fellowship…” you sniffled.

“Why would we do that?” Gimli laughed. “We now have TWO remarkable women in our ranks! Eowyn AND Y/n!

“A great win for us, indeed!” Legolas agreed brightly.

A smile broke through your tears, as they shook you softly and commended your swordswoman skills excitedly.

This carried on for a few moments, before you spoke up again, now smiling around at them through almost dried tears.

“So…you don’t mind about me lying? Or being a…woman?”

They shook their heads and returned your smile. “Not at all, lassie.”

Before the conversation could progress, however, Legolas suddenly recalled something.

“WAIT!” he gasped loudly, thinking back to the river. “THAT MEANS YOU SAW ALL OUR—”

“Let’s agree to never speak of it again, okay?”

“Aye, never again…sister.”

[foggyscholar]

well, at least i got something done today. not nearly on schedule but i feel like i did eventually break through my mental block for the most part in the evening, and i think tomorrow will be good

tomorrow i'm going to start with the nervous system, going to start with the cranial nerves because that's a super high yield topic on the exam, there's a lot of stuff there, it was an early in the semester test and while i passed i didn't do well on it lmao. so there's very little to urogenital, and i recently went through gastrorespo, so those are going to be in the final day, going to get through them quick

did also make some progress on the circulatory system, made a diagram which, yk, those help

starting my morning with body doubling was a good idea, but i didn't really pick up steam until the evening. i ended up going to the store and buying some stationery and a book which, yk, the vibes were very

i am. sort of having a mental breakdown lowkey

but it did help, it did help

tomato update: even more orange

uh yeah, 13 days left. less than two weeks - hopefullllly. i have to start pulling my weight tomorrow though, going to try to get some sleep now

it's been Cold and i think that has been bad & fun fact about living in a dorm, they turned my heating off a few months ago. and like, we've had some real hot summer weather, i've needed to acquire a fan for that because the heat was starting to bother me, but in Undisclosed Country, the temperatures do very much still dip in june, early june is often not that warm, and indeed, i am shivering right now. but my heating has been off for a few months so i guess i'll just keep shivering. my windows remain mainly decorative

i mean, i'm moving out this month, which is like. sad, because i will miss this place, i made it real nice, but also it will be banging because living in a dorm is horrific actually lmao. it's a themepark. would not recommend but simultaneously something everyone should experience once

the funny thing is, last exam season i was worried that i'd get exmatted, the whole fall semester i was afraid of dropping out, for a lot of reasons but one of those was my housing being tied to my uni like, i got this room Super unrenovated. it was truly, like, ridiculously dire, i very much dropped the lemony snicket act two reblogs into this and just went full vent mode (watching my like, follower count fluctuate has been very funny lately by the way. it's not something i normally pay attention to but now that i Have to update this on my laptop, i see it every time i log on and it keeps going up and down like, full rollercoaster) anyway, i stopped that a while ago, but the state of this dorm when i got it truly needs a snicketesque description, and maybe someday i'll do a retrospective on this year with that. but i did renovate, like, so comprehensively, i did that, on my own expense and time, and the main good parts of this dorm were the actually cheap rent (you know, like a dorm? unlike every other renovated dorm building, which just charges market price, which is high as fuck) and the fact i was allowed to renovate it to my tastes. and the location but then, and no one told me this in the fall when i signed my contract, i got an email that i was in fact getting evicted in june because they're renovating the entire building so i've very much been able to stay matriculated and stay in my dorm this year and they are kicking me out of the dorm anyway :) but honestly, the new place is nicer, excited to have my own fucking kitchen, one that has a Ventilator and doesn't have a Fire Alarm above the Unventilated Old Ass Kitchen Equipment that doesn't work properly, a fire alarm i can't turn off, in fact, turning it on coming with a hefty fine. and that has made me anxiously avoid cooking all year, plus the general unpleasantness of the kitchen

and i won't be freezing when the weather gets cold after april, and honestly a bunch of other things

very much trailed off there. i'm a distraction, mainly to myself. i've been invited to a study session at the library and i do like, want to go, but i prefer to study alone or like, on facetime muted, because i am a social distraction. i distract others and distract myself by that, i'm too chatty and get derailed easily and that's fun except when book learning focus is required

anyway

going to try to get some sleep now

warning: this post is very unpleasant

hello and welcome to 40 Days of Suck, in which i go through 40 consecutive horrendous days before i'm released to my first ever summer break from medschool. dear reader, i'm sorry to say that the post you are reading and its subsequent reblogs will be extremely unpleasant. there will be no aesthetic notes content as i don't have time to take aesthetic notes anymore. there will, in fact, be little to no positivity around medschool (a matter i am generally quite optimistic and positive about - much as a resort town is lovely and crowded except during the off-season, medschool is quite lovely except during exam season.) there will be no aesthetic or joyous content, but there will be tests, retakes and exams. and caffeine, and tears, and all-around unpleasantness. it is my sad duty to power through this and blogging about it my way to cope, but there is nothing stopping you from unfollowing this blog at once and following a happier blog instead if you prefer that sort of thing - may i suggest that of an art or english major. is this a cautionary tale? who can say. a tale of woe most certainly. a tale i would advise you to look away from unless you are the sort of person to enjoy stories rife with misfortune, misery and despair.

[widow-maximov]

Surprise..?

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, lots of fluff, maybe angst..

Summary: Being an Avenger is exhausting, your girlfriend Natasha decides to surprise you... Will you be thrilled?

Word count: 6.8k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Having a simple life as an Avenger was definitely out of the window, this job required very high skills and concentration, especially if you have powers you need to know what you are doing so you don't end up hurting someone.

But the thing is, no one warns you how extreme this job can get, from watching people dying to not being able to find a solution to huge problems.

All of this pulls down on the reputation of Avengers which isn't good at all, watching as the news pull your name down is horrible to watch, which motives a lot of people but some only blame themselves for not doing something in that moment.

That happened to you, once. When you joined the Avengers you expected things to be hard of course but when you were sent out to your mission, it seemed like everything was going good and smooth.

So you started to like missions and started to take more for experience of course you was companied with your teammates for the time being until you gained enough skills and knowledge to do anything by yourself.

There is this one mission you'll never forget...

You woke up in the morning feeling confident about this missions, you were brief the day before by Steve, he went over with you what you need and how to take it.

You were suppose to get this important piece of paper and with your camouflage powers, they thought it would be best to let you go alone, Steve and Tony were convinced you have enough knowledge to do this by yourself.

Some teammates still insisted on coming along with you but they were told no by Steve and you felt a little proud that within couple of these months here, you were able to score your own mission.

Natasha was one of those teammates who insisted on coming, she wanted to ensure you didn't get hurt, during the shoot out but Steve was quick to shutting her out from any information.

He knew that Natasha would end up following you and jeopardising the mission leaving the Avengers empty handed again. He was exhausted with his teammates coming back from missions beating to the point where they would spend weeks in the medical wing.

Every time Steve sent out a group of people, they were always ambushed and over powered by their enemy so getting that paper was very important and if that meant having Natasha angry at him for some time, he took those chances.

She was left out in the dark which she hated so much, Natasha wanted to help but she could only hope nothing would happen to you, she made sure to train you just before you left for the mission.

She definitely didn't want to say goodbye with words, so training had to do for now. You were exhausted by the end of the session with her but still had enough energy to pull her into a hug before actually leaving.

Everyone knew apart from Natasha that you liked her, everyone knew apart from you that Natasha liked you too which only frustrated the team mates that shipped you in secret.

It was nice watching Natasha crumble under your touch, she would melt into your hugs and you would melt under her gaze, it was very visible about how oblivious the two of you were.

Which was really difficult for Natasha to see you go off on your own, she just wanted to make sure you would be fine in the end but only time could tell.

You were pretty successful on your own, you managed to access the room that stored the paper, you only needed to knock out the two guards that were in the way, you used your powers and they were unconscious within seconds.

You had a smug smile across your lips as you walked over to the cabinet that the paper was in, failing to notice that camera with a sensor which sense your movement.

You uncamouflaged and bend down to open the little cabinet door, snatching the paper, suddenly the wall turned displaying a location and a timer.

The red lights flashed and an alarm went off, your heart sunk as you stared at the timer, you had to turn this off, you tried to look for something to turn this off but it was impossible.

You reached for your com as you spoke "Uh, a timer went off and its counting down, there is a location here but nothing to turn this off"

"You have to get to the location! You can dismantle the bomb there" Tony spoke through your ear.

You swallowed hard as you rushed out of the building, heading to the place that had the bomb, you barely could breath when you arrived but that didn't stop you, you rushed inside.

You failed to notice that the bomb was located amongst people, two tall buildings with thousands of people, when you gotten to the bomb, it was placed in the middle and it was very visible.

You looked around and no one was there, you collapsed onto your knees and reached for the com "What do I do now?"

"Cut the red wire!" Tony spoke again.

You turned the bomb around and found no wired "What?" you whispered.

"What red wire? There are no red wires here Tony!" You was filled with anxiety, the way it was ticking was making you even more nervous.

"There might be a compartment, pry it open with something and cut the red wire!"

You nodded as if he was here to see that, you found something to pry it open and found wires that are not red but all brown, "They are all brown Tony"

"Okay, look at the first wire and see where it leads, if it leads to the battery, cut it"

You had sweat sliding down your face as you stared at the wires, none of them led anywhere, you looked at the screen that displayed the time, you barely had time to even take this back to Tony.

"I-" You spoke but anxiety was stopping you.

You had 20 seconds and there was no way you could defuse this, you swallowed as you spoke "I can't do it"

"Kid! Yes you can, just look at the wires and just cut it off with the knife"

You was staring at the wires since you opened it and you knew if you cut the wrong one, you will blow up right here with it "I- I can't"

Now there were tears sliding down your face, you had less than 15 seconds left, you took a deep breath and cut the last brown wire, and nothing happened, nothing the timer was still ticking and nothing stopped.

You started to cut off all of the wires and nothing, you took deep breath as a voice screamed into your ear "Run Y/n!"

You didn't have to be told twice, you placed the bomb and ran for your life, as soon as you made to the door, the bomb went off and you flew several feet away from the building, crashing into another building and hitting the wall which knocked you out.

The bomb did big damage causing the whole two building to shake and catch on fire, killing hundred people in process and leaving thousands to somehow escape.

The rest of the Avengers managed to help those people out with Tony's technology as Natasha gotten you back to the medical wing. She was anxious and afraid she will lose you, she never saw your body be so still and lifeless.

As soon as you woke up from the coma you were in, you noticed no one around, panicked you wanted to get up but the pain in your body slowed you down.

You took a deep breath as you pulled out the needle in your arm, and started to walk out of the room, as soon as you heard someone coming, you used your powers to camouflage and proceeded to your room.

As soon as you gotten there, you turned on the TV and saw your name displayed as the news people spoke about you "Is Y/n L/n a hero or a threat?"

"What we witnessed couple hours ago, could only prove that Avengers might have a liar amongst themselves. From the footage you could see Y/n run inside and run out and a boom went off, this is terrifying!" One of the women spoke on the TV.

You had tears in your eyes, not only from physical pain but also by hearing how your name is getting dragged in mud, you changed the channel.

"This is getting serious, why would an individual that is suppose to be a hero, kill hundreds of people? That's easy! Y/n L/n joined the Avengers and gained their trust to only betray them and watch as fear and loss is spread"

You shook your head as you whispered out "No, that's not true"

Each channel had your name pulled through mud as you listened to each of them and nodded to agree with them whenever they mentioned the failure you were.

Natasha barged inside the room with fear in her eyes but as soon as she looked at you, she let out a sigh "Here you are, why did you leave the medical wing?"

She looked at the TV when she received no answer, she walked over and took the remote to turn off the news, you was still staring at the black TV "Hey Y/n.."

You looked at her with tears threatening to spill, she placed her hand on your face "It's not your fault.."

You shook your head to disagree "It's all of my fault, I should've done something, anything to save all of those people. I failed and now I have to live with it"

"It's not your fault, you weren't trained to defuse bombs, and whatever the news say, it shouldn't matter because we know you and you tried your best, there was nothing you could've done"

You sighed as you leaned into her and she embraced as you silently cried into her, she was there through that bad time and you were more than grateful for her sticking by your side.

The public gradually warmed up after a heartfelt apology that came from you after properly leaving the medical wing, but you knew if any more slip ups happened this would really effect you, at least Natasha stuck with you that was really important to you.

Now that you and Natasha were together, she changed so much and the team kind of hates it but likes it at the same time. She throws a fit whenever she is unable to sit next to you during movie night, this caused so many groans to escape and in the end she was satisfied when she sat in your lap.

The only reason this relationship happened was because of Clint and Bucky, they were very invested in your relationship and wanted to speed things up, they couldn't watch you stare at Natasha like you wanted her right there and then.

They needed this to sail and they did what they needed to do, they set the two of you up, they faked a little get together and just invited the two of you, of course the whole team were threatened that if they ruin this, they will not live to see the next day.

You were sitting in your room when suddenly Bucky runs in, making you jump "What the fuck Bucky!"

He giggled like a little girl and smiled at you whilst staring at you "That was funny"

You rolled your eyes "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy"

"I just wanted to tell you that, Tony and I are throwing a little get together so you have to be there" He spoke as he slowly made his way towards your closet.

You jumped up and followed him "Why is he throwing one? He throws parties every weekend anyway"

There was a slight panic in Bucky's eyes but he wasn't facing you so you didn't see it "Because it's for us"

You sighed, knowing you won't get out of this "Fine-"

You tried to agree but the flying top hit your face, you pulled it off and threw it at him "You dickhead I'm behind you"

He giggled again "I know"

You pushed him gently and slightly giggled as well "What are you even doing?"

"Looking for some good clothes you can wear" He spoke as he kept trying to find something.

"I know how to dress good" You stated.

That caused him to turned his head and look at you up and down "Yeah sure"

"Get out of here before I make you" You crossed your arms as you stared at him.

"Okay fine but be ready by 7" He started to walk towards your door, you nodded at him and when he stopped again and looked at you "Make sure it's something elegant or..."

He smirked "Revealing.."

You started to walk towards him and he ran away from you as he was giggling, you shook your head with a smile and closed the door. You looked at the clock, you still had time so you continued with what you were doing.

You ended up showering and dressing elegant, you wasn't exactly informed what this get together was for, so you just dressed up that was revealing but very respectfully.

Bucky walked you to the elevator and told you where to go, being here for more than a year and still not familiar that this place has more rooms, but this building is owned by Tony Stark of course it has so many rooms.

You were glad he didn't plan this get together somewhere away because getting back here whilst your drunk is a problem, you walked into this room and it had everything, a dance floor, a bar with tables near by and only one table decorated.

It should've already lit up a little bulb in your head but you were too shocked by the size of this room and how it fit here, there was a big balcony as well with some comfortable chairs.

You made your way towards the bar before doing anything else, you made yourself a drink and turned around to still no one, until your eye caught movement out in the balcony.

You frowned as you didn't notice or heard anyone entering, so you made your way towards the movement as you saw Natasha sitting down enjoying her drink.

"Natasha?" You asked, causing the woman to quickly look over at you and continue to stare out in the city after.

"Y/n" She simply said your name just like you said hers.

"How long have you been here?" You asked as you still stood in the same place.

"I don't know, I think I'm on my second drink now" She spoke up again, but this time she stood up as she faced you.

"Are you okay?" You asked a little worried.

"Of course" She tried her best to mask her feeling but you knew better.

You looked around and still there was no show from the team "Is the rest of the team coming?"

She scoffed as she walked on towards the bar to top her drink up, causing you to follow "What?"

"They set us up" She spoke with ease, like there were no emotions behind those words.

"What do you mean? Bucky told me about the get together-"

She faced you abruptly "There is no get together Y/n"

You frowned "Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Well obviously something is upsetting you-" You tried to raise your point but she stopped you.

"Because I know how this will end Y/n, the reason to why this happened is because Bucky and the rest of the team can't keep their nose out of my business"

You frowned with confusion "What are you talking about?"

Natasha took a sip of her drink as she slightly leaned back on the bar "They obviously want to humiliate me, they set up everything to be romantic so we get together"

You swallowed at her words, as you take another look at the room, now that she mentioned it you saw it, the table with roses and some candles, expensive wine on the side and the romantic music with slightly dimmed lights.

You looked back at her and before you could even say anything, she beat you to it "Please spare me the whole 'I like you but just a friend' thing, I really just want to enjoy my drink and not think about the rejection from you"

"This is why they called it the 'get together' huh.." You mumbled underneath your nose as realisation hit you.

"You didn't really think Tony would organise a random get together?"

You shrugged "I mean that man is unpredictable and likes to drink a lot so I wouldn't really think about it"

She chuckled into the glass before she took a sip of her drink, which you used an opportunity to talk "Look Nat, I'm not sure why you instantly assume there wouldn't be a little percent of me being interested"

Natasha raised her eyebrows at you "You see yourself with me? In a romantic way?"

She stared at you as you innocently shrugged "Would that be so bad?"

"N-no of course not!" She stuttered as she was quick to disagree with you.

You slightly smirked and taking a sip of your own drink that you were still holding, you walked over to her and grabbed two wine glasses, slowly making your way over to the table.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she watched you curiously.

"Starting to enjoy this date" You spoke as you turned your face to see her, she looked down briefly with a smile and finally joined you...

It was definitely a successfully date which led to multiple dates to happen after, and here you are couple years in, still as Natasha's girlfriend.

So far it seemed like everything was going great, waking up in Natasha's arms each morning, slightly lay in as you enjoyed the morning together, it never gotten boring because those were the moments you could relax before the chaos started.

The only breaks you ever had was little dates that could only last an hour or so before heading to sleep as work wasn't going to wait in the morning, it was exhausting and Natasha noticed that.

She was worried about you, usually you and her would spend couple hours after missions, just talking and catching up but lately you were a little withdraw from her.

She didn't blame you, these missions only gotten harder and sometimes spending days without each other only added to the stress, so Natasha being a genius she is, came up with a solution.

She wanted to surprise you with a vacation, away from this constant stress but of course this required her being away more as she took on more missions.

So when she started to be less around, you started to panic, you were scared that this was the end of your relationship. At first you thought maybe it's before there is more to do but Steve accidently slipped and said that there is the same amount of missions.

This caused you to spiral, after your own tiring missions all you wanted to come back to was Natasha's arms, the way her fingers would be deeply buried into your head and you would peacefully fall asleep with her head buried into her neck.

Natasha briefed the team of what she was doing, warning that if anyone slips up about her surprise, she will literally throw them off a building and not care if they have something to save themselves.

By the time Natasha would be back, you would be either sleeping or already on your own mission, you barely saw each other and never had any time to have a conversation.

What you thought Natasha was doing, was actually far from it. She was saving up to surprise you whilst you sat in your shared bedroom coming up with scenarios where she tells you she doesn't want to be with you.

You blamed yourself for being so withdraw but it was hard to talk about the things you had to witnesses and ensure you don't fail like you did couple years back.

You informed Steve that you will be taking the day off before hand as you sat in the dark for Natasha to come back. You didn't know if she would be back now or in the morning but you couldn't sleep, you needed to know if she was avoiding you.

The door opened as Natasha tried to sneak inside of the room without waking you up but that was useless when she noticed you sitting on the bed.

She turned on the light "детка (baby) are you okay?"

You look at her with tears in your eyes, she rushes over to you as she checks for any signs of injuries "What's wrong?"

You take a deep breath "Are you going to leave me?"

She stopped in her tracks as she stared at you with shock "W-what?"

You wiped the fallen tears as your eyes were glued to her "You started to take on more missions and I know it's not because there is more, Steve told me"

Natasha signed as she closed her eyes and mentally cursed Steve for opening his mouth, but you continued "I'm just afraid this means you are avoiding me and will end up breaking up with me"

Natasha finally placed herself in front of you, kneeling down as she took your hands into hers "I'm not leaving or breaking up with you детка (baby)"

You felt relief wash over you at her words "Then why are you taking on more missions?"

She took a deep breath as she stared into your eyes "I wanted to surprise you, I didn't think you would find out so early but-"

She stood up as she walked over to her laptop, she sat herself next to you as she opened it, letting the display show what she was looking up.

"I noticed you were stressed and wanted to surprise you with a vacation" She flicked through some of the tabs that showed multiple locations for perfect vacation spots.

You gasps as you watched her flick through, you could feel the weight on your chest just vanish and all of your previous worries wash away.

You still had tears flowing down your face but they were happy tears "I'm sorry Natty, I jumped into conclusions but lately my nightmares have gotten worse since you haven't been here"

She sadly smiled at you as she placed the laptop down and pulled you into her, with her thumb wiping away the tears "It's okay Y/n/n, you don't need to be sorry, it should be me who should be sorry for making you feel like that and not being here for you"

You looked up at her "What did I do to deserve you Tasha"

She smiled "You deserve the world Y/n/n"

"It's in front of me-" You said as you frowned.

Natasha smiled widely as she nodded "I know" the Russian knew exactly what to do, she knew your world was her and tricking you was just as easy.

"You tricked me" Natasha smiled as you dramatically gasps at her 'betrayal'.

She nodded with a smile as she pulled you into a kiss, any stress that was left hanging disappeared within seconds of her lips against yours.

Natasha ended up taking some days off to be with you and help you with your missions but still worked very hard to finally get out of this place and see something new.

Which she succeeded, it didn't take long for that to happen as she had saved up a lot during the time she wasn't around. Natasha was nervous, you thought it was because she had to leave behind a part of her life that she swore to never leave.

But there was something else, she was actually nervous because when she was away from one of the missions that just happen to be in Budapest, she came across her family that she haven't seen in a long time which she failed to mention to you.

She was more than happy to catch up with them and practically spent half of her time with them, to which they found out about her relationship and her surprise.

Alexei being Alexei decided to invite himself along with Melina and Yelena to this surprise without really notifying Natasha, the day she booked the vacation, happen to be the day Alexei decided to have the same vacation.

The day before leaving, he called Natasha and that's when he informed her "Now you won't have to be alone on this vacation Natasha, you'll have us to join you!"

"I wouldn't have been alone, I have Y/n!" Natasha was pacing around the room.

"Oh don't be dramatic, we want to meet this Y/n, it's a perfect timing" She could practically hear his smile as he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked as she make sure you were out of hearing range.

"I knew you would react like this so we surprised you"

"All three of you were on this?" Natasha asked, she wasn't expecting Yelena to be in on this as well.

"No, he bribed me" Yelena's voice came through the phone as the Russian signed.

She wanted to argue more but she heard you calling out for her "I'll see you tomorrow then"

"That's the spirit-" He spoke very enthusiastically but Natasha was quick to hang up before you overheard the conversation.

"Oh there you are" You finally laid your eyes on her with a huge smile.

You noticed that something was off when she gave you half a smile at your sight, she was clearly nervous "Something's wrong.. What's wrong?"

Natasha shook her head "Nothing is wrong"

"Then why are you nervous?" You had a worried expression plastered across your face.

Natasha cursed to herself at how well you knew her "I was just double checking everything is perfect for tomorrow"

You placed your hand on her cheek, giving her a encouraging smile "Being with you is already perfect, no doubt tomorrow wouldn't be just as perfect"

She smiled as she placed her head on your chest as your arms embraced her "We should probably spend some time with the team before we leave"

Natasha's grip on you tightened "But I want to spend my time with you onlyyy"

You giggled "We will have time during the 3 and half weeks away from them"

"Fine but you're sitting on my lap, I don't want Wanda anywhere near you" Natasha unglued herself from you as she stared you in the eyes.

"Wanda is not a threat but if it will make you feel better that's fine with me" You rolled your eyes but spoke with a smile.

You called in the last movie night before leaving and the team was more than happy to pull away from missions for the day just to spend some quality time with the two of you.

Of course the two of you left the movie night earlier due to getting up early but Natasha might've lied to just have you to herself before actually having to sleep.

The morning was chaos, making sure you had everything and nothing was missing, even when leaving there was always that feeling that something was left behind when in reality you had everything.

Natasha was getting more anxious which was very noticeable, you wanted to say something but you didn't want to do it in the plane. The flight was more than relaxing, you always loved travelling and this was like a dream come true, especially since you thought you would always be stuck in that building working on missions day and night.

When the two of you arrived at the not familiar airport, you stretched out and that's when you noticed a group of 3 people waving and smiling at you and Natasha, you looked back to make sure it was aimed at you.

You turned to Natasha who was checking on her phone how far the hotel was "Nat... Why are there people waving at us?"

She stopped what she was doing as she looked up at you and then at the people, she sighed as she put her phone away and looked back at you "Meet my family"

"Your what?!" You asked as she quickly walked away from you, you followed right after as they greeted you.

"Oh my, you must be Y/n... You are a lot more skinner than we imagined.." Melina commented as she eyed you up and down.

Yelena pushed past Melina as she walked towards you with a smile " You look okay, I like you"

You looked over at Natasha to which she gave you a smile and you laughed nervously at Yelena, on the other hand they seemed nice apart from Alexei.

Melina had to nudge him "Say something Alexei"

"But she haven't said anything, why should I speak first-"

Natasha interrupted him "Great! Y/n/n let me just introduce you since they haven't said their names"

"Alexei" She pointed towards him, "Melina and Yelena" She finished as she faced you again with a smile.

You forced a smile and turned towards Alexei "Are you not the Red Guardian?"

There it was, a huge smile across his lips "She gets it"

"Don't get him started-" Natasha tried to warn you but you didn't want to listen to her at the moment.

"Do you have any cool stories?" You asked as you looked at Natasha briefly and then back at Alexei.

"I have so many! There was this one time-" He started his story with this grin across his face at the recollection of his memories.

"Okay! Not right now, we need to get to the hotel first" Natasha interrupted him as she stepped in front of him so your eyes were on her.

"Natasha is right, we need to go to the hotel and then find somewhere we can eat!" Melina agreed as she took her luggage and started to walk ahead.

Everyone followed her and Natasha as she was the only one who knew where the hotel was, she already rented a car out during the booking and drove to the hotel.

Everyone parted their ways to put the bags away and see how the day can do, you didn't speak to Natasha on your way to the room, you were slightly upset that she didn't tell you. You were meeting her family for the first time and you wanted to know to at least look presentable.

You weren't afraid of what they thought of you but if they would accept you, you love Natasha and you can't see yourself with someone else apart from her so the subject of marriage is still yet to happen, but you want it, you want to be apart of her family and that is if they accept you.

Most of your relationships ended because their family didn't accept you and that's something you didn't want to repeat, you really cared about Natasha so it really mattered to you.

As soon as the two of you walked inside the room, she tried her luck "Y/n/n?"

You ignored her as you started to pull out some fresh clothes to change into, she continued "детка (baby)?"

She made her way towards you which you still ignored, you could never be mad at her, you were just upset so you looked up at her, she always knew that you loved it when she spoke Russian to you.

"You should've told me Natasha" You spoke up as you kept your eyes on her.

She sighed, you never used her name unless it was serious "I'm sorry, I didn't know they were coming until Alexei called me yesterday"

You raised your brows at her "You knew since yesterday and you didn't say anything?"

"You didn't even tell me you had a family in the first place" You tore your gaze from her as you took your clothes and walked to the bathroom.

"I didn't know it would be a big deal Y/n/n" She followed you to he bathroom.

You laid your clothes down as you faced her "Of course it's a big deal, I want to know when I'm going to meet my in laws Natasha"

She couldn't help but smile "In laws?"

"You heard me" You looked away because if you kept looking you would end up smiling, she had a very contagious smile.

"I didn't talk about them because I didn't even think I would see them, ever again but I did and Alexei decided to invite himself to our vacation, I didn't want this meeting to go like this and I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I was afraid you would want to back out"

You stood still as you looked in the mirror and at her, continuing to listen to her before saying anything "I have planned things that doesn't involve them if that's what you're worried about"

She took a couple small steps towards you, making you sigh and face her "That's not what I'm worried about.."

She took your hands into hers as she looked at you with a small smile "Then what are you worried about?"

"That they wont accept me Nat, I don't exactly have a good record of my relationships with family, most of them left because their parents didn't like me, I just- It's stupid" You tore your hands away from her as you looked away.

She shook her head "No it's not" She reached for your chin, forcing you look at her "What you feel is important so stop trying to push it down"

She moved her hand to your cheek " And don't worry about them, they have a hard time warming up to practically everyone, but on the bright side Yelena likes you so that's one person, plus she is very convincing"

You lean into her hand "It still doesn't change the fact that I am upset with you"

She smiled as her other hand made it's way to your hip to pull you closer "Let me make it up to you"

You nodded as you moved closer to her lips with a slight smile, but as soon as it started, it ended. Just when your lips collided with each other like they did a million times before, you were interrupted by a very loud knock.

"Natasha!" Melina's muffled voice came from the other side.

She pulled away and sighed "This is why I wouldn't have agreed to them coming"

You giggled as Natasha answered "What!"

"He is about to break the door, you better open" Yelena shouted as she slightly chuckled.

"You shower and I will busy them" She untangled herself from you as she proceeded to go to them.

"I will shower later, I will just change" You spoke up before she disappeared out of the bathroom.

"You don't need to rush you know?" She asked and you nodded with a smile "I know but I rather shower with you later"

She smirked as she walked out this time, closing the door and walking over to open the door to let them in "How did you even find this room"

Yelena was eating something but she pointed towards Alexei "He was listening in"

Alexei faced her "Snitch, that's not how I raised you"

"Actually you didn't really raise me-" The blonde tried to correct him, but Melina cut in.

"Where is Y/n?" She looked past Natasha into the room and there was no sign of you.

"What did you do to котенок (kitten)?" Yelena asked when her attention was pulled towards the question.

"Did you give a pet name for my girlfriend?" Natasha asked as she narrowed her eyes at her sister.

"She is like a kitten, she's new and cute so yeah she's a котенок" Yelena explained as you walked out of the bathroom in new clothes.

Natasha looked at you with shock "Are you hearing this? She gave you a pet name"

You stood next to redhead as her arm snaked around you "There is no need to be jealous Nat"

You looked at Yelena who had a grin as she knew how to mess with Natasha and you wanted to join in "I'm not jealous, that would mean I don't have you when I do, she's jealous"

Alexei chuckled "Melina I don't think we ever saw Natasha jealous"

You tried your best to not laugh as Melina spoke up "You're right, it's definitely a new look on her"

"Okay that's enough, all of you!" Natasha eyed everyone except you as they continue to tease her.

"We should probably head to eat something or they will close everything" You raised a point to which they all agreed and Natasha silently thanked you from taking their attention of her.

"котенок is right" Yelena used your pet name, earning a death stare from Natasha to which she just giggled.

As you walked on, Natasha had her hand interlocked with yours until Alexei pulled her into him to tell her something causing her to let go of you, making you walk along with Yelena.

"I like your vest" You looked at Yelena and what she was wearing.

She practically beamed "It has a lot of pockets"

"Pockets?" You questioned, it didn't look like it did but as soon as she reached inside, she was able to pull out more than 3 items.

"See, I can stash so much food here" She had a smile plastered across her face as she showed you.

"She never takes off that vest" Melina chipped in as she was observing the two of you.

You were impressed so you really didn't care "I mean I wouldn't either, it's really practical"

"See! She gets it" Yelena raised her voice slightly as you giggled.

Melina rolled her eyes playfully at Yelena, once again Alexei pulled Yelena into him as he spoke to both of them, leaving you with Melina.

"Don't worry Y/n, Alexei will warm up to you but from what I can see, he already took a liking in you so all you have to do is take in interest in his boring stories and he will end up not wanting to leave you alone"

You looked at Melina when she slightly whispered, just enough so the three in the front wouldn't overhear "As for me, Natasha seems to really love you and I want her to be happy, so if it's you who makes her smile like that, then so be it. I'm just happy my little girl is finally happy"

You held back some tears at her speech "I'm very grateful that you took a chance on me Melina, it's very important to me as my mother doesn't see like that"

"Aw Дорогой (sweetheart)" She pulled you into her side as yous continued to walk.

"I swear to god, If another person gives Y/n a pet name, they won't know what day is tomorrow" Natasha pulled herself away from Alexei's grip as she stopped everyone and narrowed her eyes at Melina.

"Okay, calm down Natasha" Melina tried to keep Natasha calm, she was never a threat to them but she didn't want Natasha to be angry after.

"Listen to your mother" Alexei agreed with Melina which only fuelled Natasha on.

She scoffed as she looked at the Red Guardian which caused Yelena to laugh at her sister "I'm so glad we decided to come here and meet котенок (kitten)"

Natasha was ready to fight her sister but you were quicker as you pulled her back to where she was before, holding her by the hand to which she just gave Yelena a death stare and you giggled.

"But don't forget Y/n if you hurt Natasha, we will haunt you down" Melina's tone turned serious.

You gulped and the redhead rolled her eyes "Okay James Bond, leave Y/n/n alone"

Melina's serious face turned into a smile within seconds and she joined the two in the front, now leaving you with Natasha.

"They like you" There was a huge smile across both of yours faces.

"It feels good to know that" You felt at peace, they weren't any regular family, they were chaotic and different and that's what you liked about them.

"I love you" Natasha chocked out as she stopped and pulled you back into her.

"I love you too Talia" A smile was spread across your face that always gave Natasha butterflies, she pulled your face into hers and kissed you with all of emotions behind it.

"You have gotten soft Natasha" Yelena yelled but the redhead didn't care, she probably did go soft but she only showed it when you were around, you made her soft and she actually liked it...

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

If you want to join my tag list, click here and enjoy my future posts.

Tag list: @eilarch, @wandanatblogs, @madamevirgo @diaryoflife, @theprassebox, @daenerys713,

[gucciwins]

Trouble Follows

Harry’s a firefighter, he believes in accidents not coincidences but that changes when he meets Y/N multiples times at different calls. 

Word count: 8128

A/N: Hello friends, hope you’re well. life has been eventful since the start of the year but when is it not. first story of 2021 and i’m excited to share it. i started this story a few months back (yes chicago fire was an inspiration). firefighter!harry is dear and near to my heart. i do hope you love it and let me know you thoughts. happy reading 

It's the start of a twenty-four-hour shift. 

A day that feels like it may never end until it does. 

 Harry's in the common room with the crew. He's got his black coffee, his first of many for the day, and the morning's paper that Lincoln dropped on the table. There isn't anything impressive; he grabs a pen he sees on the table and begins to do the crossword puzzle. 

10 letters

1. down - crater creator. 

Harry's already lost, and it is only the first one.

He's not good at them, not one bit. Sarah always ends up finishing the crosswords. 

The chatter is loud, and as he slides the newspaper down to Mitch, who will silently hand it over to Sarah. Harry likes the morning buzz; everyone catches up from not seeing each other for forty-eight hours. Although, many do see each other, seeing as they are roommates. Harry used to live with Mitch until he moved in with Sarah last fall after two years of dating. Mitch told him there might be a wedding in the future or, as Sarah likes to joke about all the time, an elopement.

"Morning, H.," Wilson says, patting his shoulder, making his way to the empty coffee awaiting him. Harry knows they are seconds away from an outburst. Wilson can be just a tad bit dramatic. 

The alarms begin to ring as he lifts up the empty pot. "Truck 51, Squad 3, 62, Battalion 25, Ambulance 62 House fire at 5082 North Bell Ave." 

"Looks like we were saved by the bell." Lincoln laughs as they all rush out to get dressed and on the truck as quick as they can. 

Harry and Mitch are out in seconds, never one to lollygag. The rest are quick to follow, slipping on their pants, and the coat quickly follows. Harry looks around, making sure everyone is accounted for before jumping into his spot in the passenger seat, Wilson at the wheel pulling out of the station with the siren blaring.

He watches the city go by as they rush to their destination. There is a lot heard of trees they pass by, and he knows they are passing the city park that is always filled with laughter and Harry knows they will be arriving soon, and as always, he prepares for the worst but hopes for the best. 

They arrive in under ten minutes. It's a nice residential area, one that doesn't make frequent calls. The fire seems under control, not growing, but there is a lot of smoke. "Frankie, Lincoln, make sure these people stay back." 

"You got it, Lieutenant," Lincoln responds quickly, getting to work, Frankie following right behind him.

Harry spots an old woman being held up by a young female his age. The old woman looks distraught by the fire, and Harry knows this must be the owner. 

"Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Styles. Can you tell me what happened?" He approaches, voice firm, ready to take in the needed information. 

"She inhaled a lot of smoke. Can your paramedic check her out?" Harry's eyes shift to the woman. She's beautiful; she's in grey sweats and an oversized sweater that has what he assumes is Pascal from Tangled coming out of the pocket. Harry shakes his thoughts away, focusing back on her catching her last words. "Still in shock."  

"Sarah," Harry calls out once, and she is quick to rush over. They set the old woman on the stretcher and quickly put an oxygen mask over her. 

"Miss, may you tell me what you know. That way, we figure out the best way to get this fire out." 

She's quick to nod. "Of course, I was on my way over to check on Mrs. Waters like I do every morning, but this time was different. Earl, her next-door neighbor, was outside calling 9-1-1. He told me he didn't see her run out. I rushed in to see her standing on the top steps of her staircase, staring into the burning room. She was coughing a lot, and I rushed her out. She thinks she knocked the candle down in her knitting room when she went down for her tea." She says all that in one breath. "The room is the first door on the left up the stairs. It's the back of the house."

Harry nods at her before turning away. "Mitch, you and Wilson take the hose through the side gate. Spray the room; it's a candle fire. Once it's out, let me know, so we can go in for a sweep through."

"Yes, Lieutenant."

Harry sees Mrs. Waters has begun to calm down and has the color back in her face. He knows they are going to take her down to Med to do a run-through. Harry turns around to speak with the young woman, but he doesn't see her anymore. 

He's about to ask Sarah when he sees Chief Rivera run into a sprint and catches her in his arms. He didn't notice she began to walk away from him and over to the other pedestrians to assure them everything was alright. Harry yells for Esme, worried for the woman.

"I'm good." She barely makes out. "Think the adrenaline has run its course. That's all. I didn't even inhale that much smoke." 

Chief Rivera ignores her protests and sets her on the side of the ambulance. "Please check her out." He directs his orders to Esme. 

"Thanks for saving me, Mr. Chief. That would have led to a nasty concussion." Pascal sweater answers. 

Chief gives her a quick nod before walking away.

"Miss, what's your name," Esme asks her. Putting an oxygen mask over her face and resting it on her nose and mouth. She takes a deep breath before answering. 

"Y/N." 

Beautiful name. It suits her. 

"Do your lungs hurt or your chest?" 

"No, do you think I can ride with Mrs. Waters?" Y/N interrupts Esme with an apologetic smile. "It's just that her granddaughter is her last living relative and lives an hour away. Her husband passed away four months ago. I'm all she's got."

"We've got room for you," Sarah responds, always having a soft spot even though you wouldn't know from her tough exterior. 

Harry walks away, not hearing the rest of the conversation but feeling good that both are okay. He thinks she's crazy for rushing into a burning building with nothing on her to protect her, but he does this for a living, so who is he to judge? 

Mitch gives him the all-clear. 

Harry heads into the building with Frankie and Lincoln, no more thoughts of the beautiful girl he met. 

He's got a job to do, and he has to do it right. They start in the living room before entering the kitchen, seeing dirty dishes in the sink and a plate of what looks like fresh banana bread. He's going to be left with that craving. Harry leads the way up, careful with the stairs just in case of collapse, seeing how black the once blue carpet has turned. There was a lot of damage, and it pains him to see such a well-loved house be affected this way. 

"All clear!" He shouts, making sure Lincoln and Frankie head down before him. 

Once back outside, Harry slips off his helmet. He nods over to Chief Rivera, who gives him a curt nod in return. He turns around to address the crew, "Pack it up." Everyone scatters to gather and put away their tools as quickly as they can. 

All in a day's work, time to head back and hope each call is as successful as this one.

Harry might not tell anyone, but the woman Y/N stays on his mind all day. 

Sitting in his office, getting paperwork done is not something he enjoys. He is good at it, though. 

He's always thorough, a perfectionist. 

It's essential because the Battalion Chief isn't kind at all, and even the smallest mistake on a report can send him on a full-on rage rampage. Thankfully, it's been a few months, and he is on his fourth wife stuck in the honeymoon phase, at least for the time being, giving them all some much-needed peace. 

Harry has an open-door policy; he closes it; he feels he loses that connection to his friends. They may be coworkers, but after everything they have been through, he sees them as family, and one does not close the door on family. 

It is also because he gets to hear all that's going on. Sarah and Mitch were going to visit his family in the upcoming month, and Sarah seemed far more excited than Mitch. Wilson had a new date lined up for the weekend to make up for the next few days he has to spend at work. Esme was talking Frankie's ear off about how she was knitting a new blanket for her niece and how each patch would be a different color with a different meaning.  

He likes how well they all get on. Squad might keep their distance, but everyone does get along. It's not common in firehouses as he's heard from others. The hazing gets taken too far and ever a few male chauvinists. Don't worry, that isn't the one thing the Battalion Chief does not accept; he respects and loves women just doesn't like others' happiness. 

Harry's proud of how far he has come, but most of the family he has become a part of. He knows how lucky he is. It also means he will never take it for granted.

 They are his home away from home. Seeing as his family is an ocean away. 

"Harry." 

He looks up, seeing Mitch staring at him. "How can I help you, Mitchell?"

Mitch rolls his eyes, causing Harry to smirk. "Was wondering what you were doing after shift today?" 

"Asking me on a date? Think Sarah might get jealous." Harry smirks at his best friend.  

"It was her idea." 

Harry smirks is replaced with a sincere smile. "Told you she has a soft spot for me." 

"Dinner at my place? Have a few drinks, watch one of your favorite romantic comedies." Mitch suggests not at all like him to do so. 

Harry was about to say yes when the alarm started ringing. "Truck 51, Squad 3, Battalion 25, Ambulance 62." A brief pause, "School fire 1260 West Adams."

"That's the small elementary school up the street," Harry tells him, shooting up from his chair and out the door to get in the protective gear.

Harry knows this fire won't be easy, but he's with the best of the best and knows it'll be alright. He knows they are approaching, and he always likes to go over how he wants things to be handled before getting out, but more significant fires need more focus. He also knows they all fall under the Chief's orders today and not his. 

"Mitch and Wilson go in together. You know how it goes. Get everyone to head out, and our priority is getting the fire out" Harry looks back, getting a silent nod. "Candidate, how are you feeling?" 

"Ready, Lieutenant." She answers confidently. 

Harry gives her a sharp look, knowing he's got nothing to worry about her. Frankie is one of the best firefighters truck 51 has ever had. "Good, you'll be going in with Lincoln." 

"What about you, Lieutenant?" Lincoln can't help but ask.

"I'm sure the Chief is going in. I'm going to stick with him." Harry knows his Chief well, and nothing will stop him from helping out. 

Wilson parks right out front, and Harry can't see any smoke coming out. At least, not yet. 

Harry is met with who he assumes is the principal; he didn't have time for an introduction. The woman explained there was a science lab gone wrong and that the sprinklers did not go off. They rushed everyone out quickly, following the fire drill procedures.

These kids are panicked but are being pointed towards an exit, and not until after the fire is controlled can they make sure everyone is counted for. Harry knows they have to work swiftly and make sure no one gets left inside. 

A man with glasses and a smoked black salmon shirt approached them, and Harry assumed by the looks of it he was the teacher that was part of the fire. "The bunsen burner caught fire. I don't know why. We've done this experiment for years without accidents." 

He eyes a few students wet and can assume the sprinklers went off much later than they would have liked. It means the fire has lessened, and it was safer to go in. 

"We'll take care of it." He assures them. 

"Get two hose lines in there." Chief Rivera directs right away. "Truck, Squad search, and evacuate. Let's go." 

Everyone moves and begins to make their way into the burning building. It's a small two-story building; he sees frightened first graders to fifth graders watching him as he makes his way inside. 

"Keep moving," Chief Rivera says to teachers ushering students out. 

Harry knows Sarah and Esme have many people to look after and hope that more help can get there sooner rather than later. 

As he makes his way inside, he feels the alarm ringing in his ears as he follows close behind Chief. It's something he's used to but doesn't mean he likes it.

"Fire department, call out," Harry shouts. He scans each room, not seeing anything and continuing on.  

They make way to where the fire is, and it's growing. 

Harry can see a bunsen burner tipped on its side. He takes a step towards the classroom and see's another tipped over but with a tear in it. It seems that one ripped and caught a spark setting the fire off. 

"Chief, we need to get the gas off, or it'll only continue to grow." Harry looks over at Jorge, both waiting for the order to go in. 

Chief speaks into his radio, asking where the gas shut off is located. Harry hears Florence recite back what a male voice told him to the Chief.

"Gas tank is in the backroom; it should shut it off. Be careful." His voice gruff. 

"You got it." 

Jorge leads, and Harry follows behind right on his heel. It only grows hotter as they make their way inside. He hugs the right side of the room, making sure to avoid the growing fire. 

Jorge reaches to shut it when Harry notices a second one. "Jorge, there's two. We need to shut them at the same time." Harry hurries over. "Ready, turn!" 

It clicks shut, and they let out a deep breath. Jorge pats Harry on the shoulder in acknowledgment. 

"Let's head out. They need to hose this down." 

Harry nods and follows him out, moving much faster this time. As quick as he was in the building, he now stands outside of it. He slips his helmet off, wanting to lose some pressure. 

"Hey Chief, the fire's out." Lincoln comes out to inform. 

Chief responds with a grunt, turning to the principal, holding a binder with lots of overflowing papers. 

"What's the count?" Everyone holds their breath, waiting for the news. Squad prepared to go in if necessary.

"Everyone Is accounted for, Chief." She responds, a shaky smile on her face. 

"Good." 

Harry lets out the breath he was holding. There was no real injury today, and he is thankful for being burnt in a fire is not easy, and he knows that from experience. 

His crew had begun to clean up already, and he was about to join when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turns to see a familiar woman but waits for her to speak; after all, she approached him. 

"Hello, Lieutenant." She greets with a small smile. "There was no injury right. I checked over my students but want to know everyone else is safe." 

"Injuries there were none unless you count Lincoln tripping into the truck on the way here." Harry jokes, not sure at all what made him break his seriousness. 

She laughs. It's music to his ears.

He would enjoy being able to hear it again.

"Our team got everyone oxygen that needed it. The students and teachers are looking fine, and I assume parents have been informed of the incident." 

"Called and picked up as soon as you clear out." 

Harry stares at her for another second; she's wearing a lilac knitted sweater with bell-bottom jeans. He chuckles looks like he isn't the only one still wearing them out and about. 

"You're from the North Bell fire," Harry tells her. He acts like her name slipped his mind, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Her face and her name have not left his mind since that day. It's as if it has been imprinted. 

"Yeah, Mrs. Waters. Good memory." She nods at him, obviously impressed. "She's good, staying with her granddaughter for the time being." 

"That's nice to hear." Harry knows their conversation is coming to an end. 

 "Well, thank you for lessening my concern. Have a good day, Lieutenant Styles." She flashes him a broad smile, her eyes shining bright, keeping him entranced even after she walks away from him.

Harry watches her walk away, how she kneels down to talk to a young girl who was crying. Wipes her tears away with a handkerchief, she pulled out of her pocket. Little girl eventually laughs; it rings loud throughout the mess that way today; a child's laugh uplifting in a moment of darkness. It truly is the small things in life that should be appreciated. 

 His thoughts drift back to Y/N; what are the odds he runs into her just one week later. 

She's pretty; he's not going to lie. He'd ask her on a date if he were to meet her at a bar, but no, never on the job. 

If it's happened twice, maybe he's lucky enough for a third. 

Although he hopes under better circumstances. 

Harry had gone unbothered for over two hours, which is too long in the firehouse. He got the majority of his work done and decided to leave his office to find out what everyone was up to. 

He was not surprised to see them in the common room, but he was shocked to see them all munching on cookies and not just any kind. They were snickerdoodle cookies, and they smelled divine like his mother had just taken them out of the oven with his watchful gaze eyeing every single one. 

"Those smell amazing." Harry was quick to say eagerly, wanting someone to hand him one or five. 

"Home-baked," Sarah calls out through a mouth full of cookies she was chewing.

Harry laughs because he knew that already. He reaches into the box in front of Mitch but is met with a slap on his wrist, and Harry quickly pulls back. 

"Oi, that's not very kind of you, Mitchie." 

Harry crosses his arms over his chest, but Frankie walks by a smaller box in hand, 'Lieutenant' written on top in elegant writing, and shoves it into his chest. He grabs it quickly, not wanting it to fall. 

"Who brought them?" Harry asks because whoever baked something so heavily deserves all the praise, and he is more than ready to give it. 

He opens his box and bites into the still-warm cookie. He holds back a moan, not up for the others teasing, but it truly is the best cookie he has ever eaten. 

"It was the woman from the school fire, the one that approached you in the end," Sarah tells him, her hand reaches for a new cookie. 

Harry frowns; she was here and missed her. No one thought to call him to come out. 

If he is honest, he hasn't been able to get her off his mind. Two short interactions, and it is as if she has put him under a spell. He lets out a low chuckle at the thought.

He always tells others he has no time for a relationship, but the truth is he hopes for love. He just doesn't want it to be one night of passion. He wants endless nights, where it ends cuddling with the same person with constant whispers of I love you. 

He's a hopeless romantic. 

Harry would happily marry this woman. Although trouble does seem to follow her. 

It might not be something he needs in life, especially in his line of work.

Golden's. 

A safe haven. 

A place that feels like home, where firefighters, paramedics, and doctors come for a drink and a good time. The perfect place to come drink away your sorrows with a shoulder to cry on in every corner—the ideal place to celebrate significant accomplishments with the friends that have slowly become your family.

 Esme, a paramedic, and Jorge, a firefighter work at Firehouse 19 with Harry; they are the ones who opened up Golden's three years ago. Esme wanted a place to make creative drinks, and Jorge, well, he loved crunching numbers in his spare time, leading to this bar's birth. 

Hanging on the walls are pictures of all their family and friends. Harry is proud to be displayed on the wall multiple times, and he loves each photo taken. His favorite being one that is hung right under what he calls his table. It's a photo of all of Firehouse 19 after he was made Lieutenant. Everyone in their uniforms dressed to the nines. Chief Rivera had the biggest smile on his face, as did Harry. Everyone around him had cheered for him, and they then all headed to Golden's for a celebration where his mother and sister were among his firehouse family. That picture always brings a smile to his face. 

Harry sits there at his table with Mitch, his best friend, who he met entering the academy from the moment Harry said hello, and Mitch grunted in return he hasn't been able to shake Harry off, but they wouldn't have it any other way. 

Harry has been told he has a lively personality, always conversing with those around him; Mitch was mellow, a wallflower. Mitch came to life around Sarah; Harry joked how he had heart eyes around her. Sarah is a force to be reckoned with. The kindest smile but the highest walls, she dropped them down without a second thought for Mitch, seeing as he was the one to make conversation with her when she was transferred from Station 25. Harry admires her strength and quick thinking. She had a dream of being a doctor but is happy as a paramedic for the time being. 

The fourth seat at their table always remains empty, open to anyone wanting to sit down for a conversation, but never permanent. Harry knows as well as Mitch that it's being saved. Saved for that certain someone to walk into his life.

He's left wondering if he's finally met her. 

Harry spots Esme free and gets up from his table to sit at the bar asking for two beers knowing Mitch will join him. He doesn't try to start a conversation, thoroughly enjoying the buzz of conversation around him and the comfort of Mitch next to him.  

It's been three days since the high school fire and two days since the cookies, and all he can think about is Y/N. If he had to guess she was a teacher, he forgot to ask too focused on the fire yet too stunned to ask her why she was there. She had been quick to have everyone checked for and was most relieved when he confirmed everyone was counted for. 

Harry was sure he'd never see her again, that she'd cross his path, and that was it. No, instead, he sees her less than a week later, but he made no move to ask her out even though he knows she's interested. At least it seems like she was. She didn't have to approach him that second time or send him his own box of cookies. If he were to meet her now, he wouldn't think twice about asking her out but meeting her out while on the job, he wouldn't let her be a distraction. 

"What's got you thinking so hard?" Mitch says, interrupting his internal debate. 

Harry takes a drink of his beer. "Nothing." He sighs. "At least I think it's nothing." 

"That woman from the high school fire." Mitch states. 

Harry chuckles; nothing gets past him. "Yeah, don't know why. She seems to invade my thoughts, and all I know is her name and that accidents happen around her." 

"Maybe she's a firebug," Mitch suggests. 

"She's not an arsonist." Harry nudges Mitch. "Don't joke about that. Her aura's too bright. You saw how she was with the students and teachers." 

Mitch laughs. "Aura, what are you talking about?" 

"Oii, leave me alone. I told you I got into meditating and have been doing lots of reading. Gem sent me this book about seeing and feeling it. Your aura gets brighter around Sarah." 

Mitch's cheeks go red about to respond when his phone rings. "Speaking of." Harry sips his beer as Mitch takes his phone out.

"I'm taking this outside; she's checking in for the night. Letting me know she's alright." Mitch says, finishing off his beer. Sarah was out visiting family for the weekend, and Mitch couldn't join, so Harry was more than happy to keep him company.

Harry raises his hands defensively. "I didn't say anything." 

His eyes follow Mitch outside, watching him hold the door open, phone to his ear when he sees her walk in. She's dressed in skin-tight jeans, hugging her hips nicely. A white silk top and completing the look is a black leather jacket. Harry shits in his seat, she looks fantastic, but he might need a shot or two to get the courage to go over to her. 

Harry downs the two tequila shots Jorge placed in front of him, turning to look back at her when he sees two guys with her. It seems they know her well, standing so close to her. One has a hand on her back, and Harry's confidence deflates. 

She's got a boyfriend, of course, she does. 

The men are good looking Harry hates to admit, he knows he's attractive, but those two might give him a run for his money. They tower over her, like guards protecting a queen. She walks forward, both men trailing behind. She does a quick scan of the room as she approaches the bar, and smirk forms on her face as her eyes meet him for a brief second. 

His view is quickly blocked when a female embraces her in a hug. She pulls back, and Harry is surprised to see that the friend is Frankie. 

Frankie is the candidate he welcomed onto his truck six months ago. Frankie is remarkable, goes after what she wants, and gets along well with everyone. Chief Rivera was impressed from the start, and that's hard to do. 

Harry sits there watching, wondering which one could be her boyfriend. The blonde has a good chance he has his arm thrown over her shoulder casually, but she doesn't lean into him. That makes him smile. Brings back the small confidence he has left. The group laughs at something the redhead said, and she reaches up to kiss the redhead's cheek so it could be him. Harry wants them to come this way and have Frankie introduce them, but they stay far enough where he can't hear their conversation, only her sweet laugh. He looks away but turns once more when he sees movement in the corner of his eye. It's Frankie wrapping her arms around redhead's neck and kissing him on the lips. The blonde has his eyes on someone across the bar, and just like that, Harry can breathe again. Y/N lifts her gaze and catches him staring; she sends him a sly wink before whispering something in Frankie's ear. 

No boyfriend. That's good; it means Harry might have a shot after all. 

He hears Frankie pass behind him, meaning she also passed by. He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

He startles when he hears a voice next to him order an old-fashioned. He knows it's her.

"Hey there, Lieutenant" She's leaning against the bar smiling at him. "Frankie was telling me you've never had a woman as a candidate." She says, taking a step forward into his space. Frankie comes behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "She acts all tough, but between you and me, it's all an act." She raises her drink to take a sip. "Just like you." 

"Sorry about her Harry, we don't take her out enough to know how to act around others." Frankie jokes as she walks off with her three beers. 

"Ouch." Y/N laughs as she watches Frankie walk away from them. 

"You're very forward, firebug." Harry comments 

She shrugs. "So I've been told." Y/N pauses acknowledging the nickname. "Did you call me an arsonist?" 

Harry's eyes go wide. How does she know the term? "No, of course not. I know you didn't start those fires, but two run-ins around a fire the nickname is kind of perfect." 

It really is. Harry hopes she agrees. 

"Alright, Styles, I'll accept the term of endearment. As long as I'm the only one." 

"Wouldn't want anyone else," Harry answers truthfully.

She looks him up and down clearly, not hiding she's checking him out. Harry feels confident in his outfit for the evening. He's wearing a vintage 'Enjoy Health, Eat Your Honey' shirt tucked into black flared corduroy jeans. Her gaze stays on his forearms, admiring the tattoos. Her gaze lingers on the mermaid as if she wants to raise her finger and trace around it. 

"So, you've been hiding all that under roughly 45 pounds of gear give or take the weight of items." She tuts, shaking her head. "What a shame." 

"Not like I can do my job without the gear, makes running into a burning building easier." 

"I suppose." Y/N smirks, a glimmer in her eye. "How fast do you have to put on the gear?"  

He narrows his eyes at her, not knowing where she's going with this. "Under two minutes. Gets faster as time goes by." He answers cautiously. 

"Pretty sure, I could undress you in less than that. Leave you in your boxers, or do you prefer briefs." She takes a sip of her whiskey. "Maybe you don't like using it, heard they could be constricting." 

Harry can't help the blush that takes over his cheeks; he's never met someone so forward. He wants to get to know her, and by the looks of it, she feels the same way. 

They stare at each other for a few seconds taking in the other's face. Harry notices the smallest detail, like the small scar close to her eyebrow. He catches the peaking of a tattoo from under her jacket. He's really intrigued now. 

"It's Harry." He says, bringing his hand out to shake, knowing he's never appropriately introduced himself like she has. 

She grabs it and leans in close. "Personally, I like Lieutenant." He shifts slowly, but then she gestures down without breaking eye contact. "Think you do as well."

She finishes her drink and sets it back down. She places a twenty on the counter to cover the cost of her drink and his. "I'll see you around, Lieutenant Harry." 

She's out of sight in the next few seconds. 

He wants her, more than for just a night. Harry wants to be the reason she laughs, the reason she smiles but most importantly, the one she gets to love. He has it bad. He's never met someone so forward and direct with their flirting; he really loved the attention. 

 Now that he knows Frankie has a connection to her, Harry knows he'll see her soon. Who knows when that is. He'll be counting the seconds until then.

Mitch walks in and sits next to Harry, pocketing his phone. "Miss anything interesting?" 

Harry throws his head back and groans. "You have no idea."

Friday's are never the same. Harry feels like he can never prepare for these days. They had just gotten back from a call; it was a kitchen stove fire gone wrong. It was an in and out; a fire extinguisher was really all they needed. The family was very thankful. He was just glad they were smart enough to turn the stove off. 

Harry had just grabbed a seat when the alarm began to ring. He knows everyone is holding back a groan, but it's their job. Sometimes there are either too many breaks or not enough. 

"Pin in accident, Columbus Drive Bridge." 

Harry is quick to dress, finishing first. He taps the side of the truck, "Let's go, let's go!" Everyone picks up the speed, and they are out in seconds. Wilson is not light on the honking, knowing an accident on the bridge is never good. 

"Alright, candidate, remember to walk with a purpose, don't run." Harry begins. 

Frankie nods. "Access the details before you act." She finishes off for him.

"Good." 

The police are on the scene keeping back the curious group of people that have gathered. Harry shakes his head. All people love having a front-row view of accidents. 

The accident looks bad, two cars: one car seems abandoned, a door left wide open. It seems to him that was who caused the accident, good things the police can run their plates. In the second car, the passenger seat door is jammed, there is glass everywhere. There is one person in the driver's seat, a blanket over them.

Harry approaches the vehicle seeing Wilson already assessing the passenger and how best to take them out. 

"Female, mid 20's," Wilson calls out. 

Harry sees her door is jammed in. "We need to pry open her door before getting her out. The hit was all on the passenger side, but please be careful we don't know her injuries." 

Lincoln gets to work, Harry stands to the side, waiting to cut the driver's belt and out of the car.

"She had a blanket over her. The glass missed her face, but one got her abdomen. She's a funny one, taking the pain like a champ. She said she's a nurse so knows it didn't hit an organ." Sarah tells him, as she spoke to her from the back window wanting to best prepare for when they get her on the stretcher. 

"Ma'am, how you doing? We are doing our best to get you out." Harry tells her, seeing the door being removed, quickly moving in to remove her seatbelt, which saved her life. 

"Thought we were on a first-name basis, Lieutenant." She speaks quietly, voice trembly. 

He steps back in shock, seeing her remove the blanket from her face. Her face clean of injury, Stevie Nicks' shirt red and ripped. She's hurt and laughing, but he feels like his heart wants to jump out of his throat.

It's Y/N. 

There's blood, and she's injured, but she's okay.

She's fine. 

She's alive.

He never wants to see her like this again. 

"Took years to find this exact shirt. Got it for a steal at $10." She groans jokingly. "Do you have a remedy to wash out blood?"

"In fact, I do; how about I help you with it once you get these stitches?" Harry tells her, hoping to keep the conversation going, keeps her calm as it is doing for him. 

"Asking me on a date on the job. Not very professional." She teases him.

"How do I know you didn't cause this accident just to see me?" He banters back. 

He has her in his arms, taking her out slowly. She has very few injuries; he's carrying her to the stretcher when he hears her cries. 

"It wasn't my fault you have to know." She cries out. "It was green, it really was, I promise. There are traffic cameras here, so check. I waited a few seconds then went and next thing I know I have the blanket over me. I've got quick reflects." She smiles slightly at the thought. "A nice lady told me help was on the way." Harry wipes her tears away. "I was on my way to the grocery store. Annie, my neighbor, wanted brownies, and I told her I would run to the store to get the items. She's going to be so upset." 

"Not your fault, I believe you. Everyone here does." His heart is breaking. She doesn't deserve to feel this, especially when the other driver got away scratch-free, it seems. 

"I'm the safest driver out there. I've never gotten a ticket, not even a parking one. When I took my driving test, I passed with zero errors. They said it hasn't happened in years." She groans as they load her into the ambulance. 

"I believe you. Your insurance must love you." He comments, getting a small laugh out of her. 

"Tell Frankie to send me flowers. I don't like coming home to no flowers." 

Esme slams the door shut, and off they go. 

He knows Frankie saw and heard; he knows Chief is with her. As good as one is doing their job, once family is involved, it's quick to lose one's focus. Harry knows he has to check on her once they are back at the station. He's going to encourage her to see her friend, not having to worry about the end of the shift because when it comes to family, that is their priority. 

Harry knows Mitch is watching him like a hawk, waiting for him to give him any kind of sign he's not okay, but he knows better. He's not allowed to break down in front of his crew. Not something he lets himself do. 

Instead, he does what he knows best. He gives orders.  

"Pack up back to the station."

Just like that, they begin to load up the truck, everything in their rightful place, but all he can think about is Y/N and if she truly is going to be okay. 

Harry is pacing outside her door. 

Yes, he got her address. He had to know how she was doing. Frankie was kind enough to give it to him, not without a few warnings. As in if he did anything to upset her, she knew how to handle a halligan. Harry dares not to cross her. He, after all, has only honorable intentions for Y/N.

He takes a deep breath before raising his hand and knocking three times. He quickly takes a step back, not wanting to be too close when she opens the door if she opens the door. 

It swings open, and there she stands in an oversized t-shirt and grey joggers. "I have been wondering when you would show." She grins at him. 

Harry's eyes widened. "You knew I was coming?"

She nods. "Of course, Frankie had to make sure it was okay to give my address to a man I've only had one proper conversation with." 

"It was two, really." Harry jokes. 

"Two then." She smiles down at her feet, starting to feel bashful under his watchful gaze. That is when her eyes catch sight of the gift in his hands. 

"You brought me flowers." She exclaims, reaching for the pink peonies, and he quickly extends his hand for her to take them.

"Wasn't sure your favorite. These reminded me of you and how beautiful you are." He shares, feeling his cheeks heat up, running a hand on the back of his neck, wanting her to say something and save himself from embarrassment. 

"Thank you." She sniffs them. "I've always loved peonies, don't think I've ever been gifted them before." She moves to the side and gestures him to come in.

"Would you like something to drink? I would have offered you food, but I didn't cook tonight; Frankie dropped off Chinese for one." She gives him a small smile to make up for it.

"It's no problem; after the day you had, my well being is not of your concern," Harry tells her, happy to accept the water she handed him.

"See, you're wrong, Styles." Harry frowns, meeting her eyes as she continues on. "You have a dangerous job, so I feel I do have a right to worry about you." 

"Fair enough." 

Harry sips his water, and she does the same. He assumes she's trying to collect her thoughts. That is what he's trying to do. 

He loses his train of thought as he begins to take in the yellow-painted cabinets; the hue holds a softness that allows them to stretch from floor to ceiling without feeling overwhelming. Brown granite countertops and hardwood floors temper the yellow; the bronze hardware marries the two colors. He's never felt so calm and safe in a kitchen. 

Back to his thinking, a good reason to tell her why he came to visit her because indeed she'll have to ask.  

It could be his crush on her, a growing infatuation. At this point, it might be like already. 

One goal before he leaves her house is well-- to have asked her on a date. 

Harry's train of thought is broken as she begins to speak.

"I want to apologize for breaking down in your arms. That wasn't right of me." 

Harry scoots closer, placing a ringed hand on top of hers, resting on the counter; this causes her to look up at him. "Hey firebug, no need to apologize. It was a tough situation. The crew said you handled it really well." He smiles and gives her hand a squeeze. "I'm happy you're okay." 

She nods and lets his words hang in the air for a minute. "I made brownies, and Annie helped me. She did the heavy lifting today. Do you want some?"

Harry knows she changed topics because she felt overwhelmed, and he was happy to follow her lead. "I'd love to try these brownies. If they were as good as your cookies, then I might just eat them all." 

A huge grin takes over her face at his confession; he accomplished exactly what he was looking for. 

"You loved the cookies?" She asks. 

"Loved honestly might have shed a tear when I ate the last one. Your cookies are what I assume they give to eat in heaven." He jokes but very much meaning each word.

"Thank you, I'll be sure to take more down to the station soon." Y/N blushes looking away from Harry's piercing gaze. 

"You know, I didn't even ask you how you're doing." Harry laughs, forgetting the reason he came over.

She laughs with him. "I did as well; if you'd ask me, it feels like a regular date night." 

Y/N doesn't blush at her words, but Harry sure does. "Date night, huh." She nods. "I'd be up for more nights like this." 

"Good to know." 

They stare at each other for a few seconds taking in each other's smile and how easy it is together. 

"Back to your original question, I'm doing good. Only needed five stitches and should heal up nicely." She puts her hand over her injury as if remembering the pain. 

"Well, I'm glad you're well. I'm a phone call away if you ever need anything." 

She all but glows at his words. "I'll keep that in mind." 

After a while, Harry helps her move over to the couch, wanting her to be comfortable. He fixes her pillows a few times, wanting her to not feel any kind of pain. Y/N just basks in the attention; it's not everyday she has a firefighter fawning over her. 

Time with Y/N seems to fly by because the next time his eyes catch sight of the time, it's nearing nine pm. He can tell she's knackered, but he and neither she sees an end in their conversation. It just flows so easy and who are they to try to stop it. 

Harry is learning about why she moved to the city and how she has an interview next week for the pediatrics department at Med. Also, she was at the school because she volunteers weekly; Miss Lucy is a teacher Y/N went to uni with and likes doing fun activities with the nine-year-old. 

Harry truly doesn't understand how she has so much to give to others, but he's glad to be receiving some of it as well. He hopes to give her back half of what she gives to others. 

"I've always seemed to find myself in trouble. Never the cause of it, but it's always around. I always thought it was me, and it seems to be true." Y/N shares with him. She has struggled with growing up; she may have many friends, but she doesn't stay in a place long enough to make herself feel at home, but so far, it has been different. 

Harry sees how much her words hurt to say. He leans over and grabs her hand. He squeezes it tightly before intertwining their fingers together. He really loves holding her hand, and he hopes she continues to allow him to do so. 

"Where angels go, trouble follows." Harry breathes out, never breaking eye contact with her. It takes every fiber in his body not to reach over and plant his lips on hers. He so badly wants her to believe his words because he knows he does. 

She truly is an angel from above, and he is lucky enough to be welcomed into her life. 

Y/N feels her cheeks heat up but never breaks eye contact with Harry. 

They fall silent, basking in what seems to be their final moments together for the night. 

"I should really get going, poppet. Got to let you get your rest." She nods and lets him help her up so she can walk him to the door. 

"Do you believe in faith?" She asks as they stand outside the door. 

He shrugs. "I never believed in all of that stuff, but in a matter of a few weeks, I've run into you four times, and I wouldn't leave that up to luck. I thank whatever brought us together and that they'll keep us together."

"I like that a lot."

He kisses her cheek softly. "As soon as those stitches are out, will you let me take you out on a date?" 

"I'd prefer something sooner, but I can wait." She teases.

Harry nods; he feels like he does a lot of blushing around her. He really enjoys how she makes him feel. 

"I'll check in tomorrow." He promises. 

"Just so you know, if I need anything, I won't be calling for firehouse 51." He stops. "I'll be calling this guy that has a thing for me that runs into burning buildings for a living."

"Any time of the day, I promise I'll answer the call, poppet." 

He had just put his seatbelt on when his phone began to ring. Harry picks it up, never breaking eye contact with her. 

"Lieutenant, I need some help. See, I was in an accident today, and I know it might seem a little strange, maybe a bit forward." She bits her lip, not yet breaking the intense eye contact. "I could really use a cuddle to feel better. Do you know anyone that can help out with that?" 

Harry shakes his head at her but nonetheless shoots her a dimpled smile. He jumps out of his car and strolls up to her—phone in hand, beautiful smile on her face.

"I would be honored." He leans in and connects his lips to her cheek; he lets it linger for a few seconds before pulling away. "Now, let's get you in bed. I heard from a little birdie you don't kiss before a first date, so the sooner you heal, the better." 

Y/N lets out a small groan at Frankie. "Maybe I can make an exception." 

Harry doesn't hide the surprise on his face at her words. "You certainly will make life more interesting." 

She giggles as she leads him to her room, Harry following closely behind.

Harry knows they were meant to walk into each other's life. The feelings he is starting to feel for her something he has never felt before. 

Call him cliche, but a never-ending spark has been ignited. 

thank you so much for reading! i love you

come chat trouble follows with me

taglist: @bigspoonstyles​ @taintedwonder​ @sunflowersupremacy​

[aki-mochi]

Levi x Reader: Drunk Love

WARNING: NSFW!! Levi stood there, completely nude, in front of Erwin and Hanji as he covered his stuff while avoiding their gazes. His cheeks turning pink with his hair messy with fly-aways in every direction and his body covered in bites and hickeys. Erwin stood in Levi's living room, not amused, while Hanji was laughing until she was in tears.

"Sooo...you wanna tell me why you are...?" Erwin trailed off.

"I dunno....I-I...just woke up like this...."

"You were drinking last night, huh?" Erwin asked, more like stated.

"A little...." he mumbled, then clicked his tongue.

"Woooow Levi~!" Hanji laughed more.

"Shut up" Levi slightly growled as he tried to remember his actions last night.

~flashback~

Levi sat at a table in a bar with a few of his friends and co-workers, passing time and attempting to get away from the stress of work. Eren, who happened to be one of his best workers, offered him some food while drinking his drink. No sooner did another song start to play, a familiar woman entered the bar with Mikasa.

"I've never been in a bar.” Mikasa stated.

"We can't buy alcoholic beverages so we can just have water and some food. Give us some free time from all the work we've been asked to do." Y/n replied.

She nodded in agreement, looking around at her surroundings only to see the men at Levi's table looking towards them. Truth be told, Y/n and Mikasa worked in the same building as Levi, just on different floors. The two had met on a few occasions and even had small talk in the elevator whenever they were going to the same floor for meetings, but never actually got close to one another.

Levi glanced at the two as they came in and made a bit of a face. "I guess they're getting the same thing you are, Eren." He smirked behind his glass as he looked at Eren's drink suited for him being underaged. Eren pouted and gave somewhat of a glare towards his boss. "If you weren't my boss, and I wanted to not get fired, I'd slap you like I do Horse-face." He mumbled in his glass of apple juice.

"You sound like you're plenty drunk on apples," Levi stated as he set his glass down. "Now you finally have a chance to talk to that girl. I've seen you eyeing her at work." Hearing his comment, Eren did a spit-take with his drink; coughing and pounding his chest a bit. Once he got his breath back, he looked at Levi like he grew two heads.

"Are you insane or drunk?!" He slightly yelled in a whispered tone.

"I'm neither. You shout about being better at your job than The Titan Company down the road but you can't even talk to a girl."

"Yeah?! W-well what about the girl you stare at?! You seem like you stalk her!"

"The only time I even see her is on the elevator. Are you sure you aren't drinking beer?" Levi retorted.

"I'm underage to be drinking unless someone spiked it when I wasn't looking." Eren calmly stated as he took another drink.

"If no one did, they might need to so you can actually grow some balls for at least an hour and act like a man instead of a loud little kid."

Eren glared. "Shut the hell up....I do act mature. Just on some levels." He, then, turned away to stare at the ebony female with a slight blush on his slightly dark skin.

”Can you prove that?" Levi smirked at Eren's attitude.

"What did you say?" Eren growled, thinking his boss is picking a fight when he doesn't feel like throwing a punch while Mikasa is here.

"I said to prove that you aren't a child and go talk to her," Levi told him.

"Fine. I will." He suddenly stood up and walked towards the two sisters, feeling confident in his moves. Levi smirked as he watched, wanting to see how much of a train wreck it would turn into. But the minute Eren was only five steps away, he froze. His face turned a sheer scarlet red and felt his palms get sweaty. But what he didn't expect to happen, was that Mikasa noticed him and gave a small wave to him, making him lose his cool and speed-walking back to his seat before face planting the table. Mikasa flushed a faint pink but couldn't help to give a minuscule smirk from his failure to walk over.

"You’re a wuss" Levi muttered.

"Fuck you....." Eren mumbled against the table.

Levi smirked and took a sip of his whiskey before standing. "Let me show you how it's done," he stated as Eren groaned and watched him as he made his way towards the girls.

Levi walked over to the older of the two with a confident stride, the alcohol taking the edge off of his normal attitude. Y/n was too busy talking to Mikasa to notice him. Taking a french fry off her plate, she ate it and smiled as she was talking about her latest masterpiece for the company due to being in the advertising department. Mikasa mentioned a work project that’s due next week before looking over Y/n's shoulder to see the male.

"This seat taken?" Levi asked.

Y/n turned towards the voice of the male and her eyes widened. "M-Mr. Ackerman....! It's nice to see you again." She smiled softly at him.

"The same to you" he stated. "We don't see each other often. I thought we could talk."

"Of course! Come sit with me!" She smiled and patted the seat on the other side of her. He gladly sat, looking towards Eren and winking in success mainly to show off before talking to the two women. Eren growled and slammed his hands on the table and walked over once more before offering a hand at the grey-eyed female.

"May I sit with the beauty who I'm looking at~?" He asked with a smile.

Mikasa looked and blushed brightly at his words but nodded. “Sure."

With a small hum, Eren sat beside her before gently holding her waist to bring her closer to him. Her blush darkened, looking at her plate of food like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Y/n eyed the boy, a little surprised at his actions before drinking her iced water, smirking behind her glass as she knew Mikasa has a crush on him. Levi rolled his eyes, ignoring Eren as he talked to Y/n, keeping up a conversation about her interests. About an hour later, Levi was not feeling like his usual self. His cheeks were flushed while his eyes were dilated, black pupils taking up more of his steel-blue corneas. Y/n had offered to take him home while Mikasa stayed with Eren since he's completely sober. After that, Mikasa waved as she left with the green-eyed boy.

He tried to refuse, saying he was fine but she insisted, eventually giving up as he slumped over the table. Y/n slung one of Levi's arms around her neck; the other around his waist while leading him outside. Digging in his back pocket for his wallet and keys, she pressed a button to activate its panic alarm. Upon hearing a frantic horn, she turned to her left to see the flashing lights of a sleek black Ford Mustang. After calming the automobile, she gently helped a drunk Levi into the passenger side before slipping herself behind the wheel. Y/n opened up his wallet and found a small piece of paper with his name and address written in beautiful cursive. Pulling up the GPS on her phone, she punched in his home address to help her navigate before revving up the engine and beginning to drive to him home.

Levi did his best to keep the alcohol's side effects from taking over, grinning as he remembered the feeling of her hand in his pocket but stayed quiet until they got to his house. Once Y/n had gotten him out of his car and into his house, after she had unlocked the door with his keys, she walked him to his room and placed him in bed. She gave a small huff from how heavy he is for a short man. As she tried to leave the room, Levi had grabbed her wrist to keep her in place.

"(Y/n)," he muttered.

"Levi. You're drunk. You need to rest." She said softly so as not to hurt his pounding head.

"Only if you rest with me." He said, not because of how many shots he’s had, but because he’s wanted her since the first day he saw her and this was the only way he could get himself to say it. Y/n smiled and pried his hand off her arm so she could help him get comfortable by stripping him of his clothes. Y/n flushed a scarlet red when he was now only in his briefs which held a proud tent.

He smirked a bit as he watched her. "You can look if you want"

"I-I rather not, thank you...." she stuttered before going to find him some bed clothes he could wear; giving him time to look over her body that was shown by the jeans and shirt she's wearing. Her hair pulled up into a ponytail and her feet dressed in regular tennis shoes. He blushed from more than the booze in his system as he looked over her, letting her help him dress before laying in the bed with him. Y/n covered him up along with herself and sighed softly as she turned her back to him so she can sleep since it's after midnight.

But with Levi still drunk, he couldn't go to sleep. No. He didn’t want to go to sleep. He had a beautiful woman in his bed and he wanted her to be his woman. No one else’s. Levi took advantage of his drunk state and suddenly rolled Y/n onto her back, pinning her to the bed. She blinked, shocked from his sudden actions.

"L-Levi....?" she stuttered.

"Y/n.....~” he purred in her ear while sliding his hands up her shirt, making her shiver at his cold slender hands on her heated skin. "Let me love you," he whispered before colliding her lips with his own, making her body stiffen. She soon felt intoxicated by his touch and kissed him back, craving for more as she entangled her fingers into his soft black hair as she moaned.

Levi kissed her deeply as his hands made their way to her breasts, feeling the soft flesh against his skin. Arching her back at the feeling, she pulled away from his lips for air but gasping the minute he latches his own to her sensitive neck. She moaned his name when he bit her neck then pulled back with a smirk. Y/n looked down to see that Levi had, somehow, stripped her bare naked without her noticing. Trailing kisses down her body, she moaned and ran her fingers through his hair again as she closed her legs when he got between them. He rubbed her thighs soothingly before kissing them to help her relax. Once he thought she was ready, Levi opened her legs and placed his head between them. His tongue slid along her folds before flicking at her clit. Her hips jolted upwards while her fingers tugged at his hair, giving loud lewd moans.

Levi smirked and started to go faster, making her squirm and squeal in complete ecstasy as he tasted every inch of her. He then sucked her bundle of nerves into his mouth as his tongue did wonders. Y/n panted as she arched her back off the bed while her head flew back into the pillows, desperately wanting to move away but his hands held her down in place as he ravished her more. His teeth gently grazed her clit, making her lose control of the volume of her moans as they got even louder before she finally released with a squeak. But Levi kept going, making her beg as he continued to drain her of every drop before pulling off with a small pop. A trembling Y/n laid there panting heavily as Levi licked her clean, sitting up to look down at the beautiful sight under him. Levi chuckled and laid beside her with his arm draped over her waist.

Y/n calmed down from her overstimulated high before she made the bold move to pin him to the bed instead. Levi looked up at her in slight shock from the sudden move before his breath started to hitch when she started to rub the bulge in his pants. She hummed and stripped him bare of any clothes before suddenly going down to suck his cock. Levi's hips bucked at the sudden pleasure of her hot mouth on him, panting as he felt her tongue do circles around the tip.

"(Y-Y/n)~" Levi moaned as he gripped the sheets. "Ngh...! I-I'm gonna....! Ah!" he gave a loud moan as he came in her mouth. Y/n swallowed it all, a little disappointed that he came that quick, and sat up before marking him in hickeys and love bites, loving the sounds that were coming from his mouth. After she was satisfied with her work, she straddled his hips before pushing herself onto him, making her gasp and him moan. When she felt comfortable, she bounced on him as her hands rested on his chest. Loud slapping noises of skin colliding and loud moans filled the room. Y/n decided to bounce faster and go all the way down, earning her a loud moan from Levi as he gripped her hips to help her keep steady.

Pretty soon they both hit their high and came together. Y/n collapsed onto Levi's chest, panting heavily as he held her close to him. Having to pull out, he laid both their bodies on the bed and pulled her to his chest after covering them both with the blanket and going to sleep.

~back to the present~

Y/n walked out of the bathroom only to see a naked Levi standing there, in front of his boss and co-worker as he tried to suppress his blush. Smirking, the said female walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and satisfied hum.

"Don't worry, Mr. Smith~. Levi was a good boy last night with all the moans I made him do~."

At that, Hanji ran out with Erwin on her tail, trying to suppress their nose bleeds while Levi was a blushing mess at the moment from her comment. Y/n laughed at his reaction and kissed him briefly before giving him a warm smile and going to make breakfast. Levi sighed as he went back to his room to get dressed.

'Maybe getting drunk wasn't so bad after all......'

[five-rivers]

Solutions to Nonlinear Equations

For @currentlylurking for the Phic Phight.  :)

.

“Ancients, Vlad.  I’m not rejecting you because I’m a rebellious teenager and you’re an adult, I’m rejecting you because you’re incredibly creepy.”

Vlad sniffed in what he hoped was an aristocratic manner and raised an eyebrow, minutely adjusting his grip on Daniel to keep him pinned to the floor.  

“We’re human-ghost hybrids, Daniel.  I’d hoped that you’d have realized by now that we are meant to be ‘creepy.’”

Daniel squirmed and began to mutter into the carpet. “Clockwork never acts like this, I’m fine with him—”

Vlad pulled back as if burned.  He hadn’t heard that name in—in—

In a long time.  

Years.  

The thought was almost expelled from his head when Daniel managed to elbow him in the jaw hard enough to make him see stars. Before he knew it, Daniel had slipped from his grasp and zoomed away.  

Whatever aspersions Vlad cast on Daniel’s mastery of his ghostly abilities, the boy was fast.  When he put his mind to escaping instead of picking a fight, he managed it more often than not, to Vlad’s great frustration.  Hence Vlad’s usual strategy of needling the younger half-ghost until fighting was the only thing on Daniel’s mind.  

He set down on a nearby roof.  There went his plans for the day.  Which, admittedly, had consisted of distracting Daniel while his ghostly minions set up a nasty surprise for him at the school, hence making him fail his test, which would, in turn, convince Maddie and Jack to let Vlad set Daniel up with a tutor, something he had suggested to them earlier, and—

Well.  Daniel would find them, now, no doubt.  

Ah, well.  

He had more important things on his mind, now.  Such as, how in two worlds did Daniel know Clockwork?  Because Daniel never just said things like that.  He barely knew anything about ghost culture.  He wouldn’t know to bring up obscure, secretive, ghost historical figures.  He wouldn’t know what that particular name would mean to Vlad.  

Tongues of fire flared out of his fingers, bringing a measure of stability to the gyrations of his core and his emotions.  

Daniel knew Clockwork.  And, it seemed, met him with some regularity.  Enough for him to compare his actions to Vlad’s.  

Would that ghost never be satisfied with ruining Vlad’s life?  Was he not satisfied with—

He cut off the thought, shaking his head.  Never mind that.  

What Vlad needed to do was find Clockwork.  Which meant inducing Danny to go to him at a time when Vlad when Vlad could follow.  Which meant determining when he had visited Clockwork in the past.  An undertaking to be sure.  

He closed his eyes and teleported to his lab beneath his mansion.  

“Maddie!” he called out, even before his body had fully reformed.  

The hologram flickered to life with a faint crackled from the projector.  “What is it, sugarpie?” it asked with a smile.

“Review the audio recordings from Fentonworks,” ordered Vlad.  “Search for the term ‘Clockwork.’  Report findings to me.”

“Sure thing, honey!”

Vlad had to review the cheerfulness settings on the Maddie program.  Maddie was upbeat, but not that upbeat.  This was almost sickly sweet.  

He threw himself into a nearby chair.  

Clockwork.  He thought he’d never hear that name again.  Not after he’d been literally and figuratively ghosted by him.  

He telekinetically pulled a book off his shelf. He ran his fingers over the leather tooling on the cover.  The book had been given to him by Clockwork, years ago, when he was still in that hospital.

Clockwork had been the one to first show him the Ghost Zone, and all the wonders in it.  Clockwork had been his friend, his only friend, through that long, agonizing hospital stay. He had been supportive, wonderful, kind. He visited often, though not on a regular schedule.  He’d helped Vlad ride out the waves of misery and anger that so often threatened to overwhelm him.  

Then, without warning, nothing.  

No goodbye.  The last time he left, he had even said something along the lines of ‘see you soon,’ although the memory was frayed from age and Vlad could no longer recall the exact words.  For a long time, Vlad had worried something disastrous had happened to Clockwork. But then he had finally managed to build his own portal, reach the Ghost Zone under his own power, and, according to every search he did, every line of inquiry that bore fruit, Clockwork was just fine.  

Vlad had been furious.  He had been betrayed.  He had spent the better half of a decade trying to plot revenge against Clockwork, before realizing that was akin to plotting revenge against a god and turning his sights to a more manageable target.  

Now…

Now, Vlad just wanted answers.  Both as to the reason behind his abandonment and as to why Clockwork was apparently repeating history with Daniel.  

“Sweetie pie,” said the hologram, with a chime, “audio processing complete.  There are over ninety-nine instances where the word ‘clockwork’ is mentioned.  Would you like to play the selected files?”

“Yes,” said Vlad.  “Include the video portions where available, and the thirty seconds immediately prior to and following the mention.”

He turned his attention to the nearest screen.  He had a lot of videos to watch.  

There was an envelope pinned to it.  It was sealed with wax, impressed with the image of a pocket watch and the initials CW.  Vlad attempted, and failed, to suppress the growl that grew in the back of his throat. Was this a joke to Clockwork?

He tore the envelope from the screen, ripped it open with equal viciousness, and began to read.

.

Three cups sat on the tea service tray next to the teapot.

“Are you expecting someone else,” asked Danny, “or am I going to break one of these?”

Clockwork chuckled as he began to pour the tea.  “The former,” he said.  “Although you may always surprise me with the latter.”

He handed Danny his cup.  Danny inhaled deeply.  It smelled sweet.  “What is it?” he asked.  

“A chamomile blend,” said Clockwork.  “For calm.”

“I think Sam drinks chamomile before she goes to bed,” observed Danny, offhandedly.  “Who’s coming?”

“You’ll see soon enough.”

Danny made a face.  “Do you have to be mysterious all—”

The front door of Clockwork’s lair slammed open, and Danny jolted forward in alarm – the only people who regularly did that were the Observants, who didn’t much care for Danny – but Clockwork put a steadying hand on his shoulder and rewound his tea into his cup.

“Clockwork!” came the expected yell.  The yeller, however…

“Is that Vlad?” asked Danny, not quite scandalized, but more than a little surprised.  

“Why, yes,” said Clockwork.  

“Did you – Clockwork, did you invite him here?”

“Other than the Observants,” said Clockwork, “no one can enter unless I will it.”  He took a sip of his tea.  

“But,” started Danny.  

Clockwork raised a hand.  “Don’t worry, he’ll find us soon enough.”  He repurposed the hand to pat Danny’s knee.  “And even should he prove to be in a combative mood, I will not allow you to come to harm.  You are safe here, Daniel.”

“Thanks,” mumbled Danny, looking away, towards the door in the sitting room through which Vlad would presumably enter.  

Sure enough, a few seconds later Vlad half-flew half-skidded into Clockwork’s sitting room.  He leveled an accusatory finger at Clockwork.  “You!” he proclaimed, with a great deal of venom.  

“Hello, Vladimir, I’ve poured you some tea.  Why don’t you sit down?  I understand it has been some time.”

“You under-?  No!  I will not sit down!  I will not drink your tea.  Not after you abandoned me for over a decade, just like that bumbling oaf—”

“Hey!” interjected Danny, not only because Vlad had once again insulted his father, but because he could tell that Clockwork, regardless of his stoic façade, was actually quite upset.  

“Don’t interrupt me, Daniel,” snapped Vlad.  “You don’t know what this, this ghost is. What he does.  You don’t know that he gets close to you, makes you think you’re friends, and then drops you without a moment’s notice.  Did you think it was funny to string along a man in dire straits? Did you?”

“I did not abandon you, Vladimir, I—”

Vlad scoffed and went on a tirade that Danny honestly found hard to parse.  But it sounded like Vlad and Clockwork had known each other in the past and then fallen out of contact in a way that aggravated Vlad’s abandonment issues.  Which didn’t seem like Clockwork at all, but Vlad sounded extremely certain and insistent, and Clockwork’s upset was actually finding its way into his voice, now.  Danny didn’t—

With all the force and abruptness of epiphany, Danny realized what was going on here.  

“Wait, wait, wait,” said Danny, putting down his cup. “Vlad, breathe or whatever.  Clockwork, you did tell Vlad that you experience time nonlinearly, right?”

“Of course,” said Clockwork, clearly offended.

“But Vlad, ah, had you gone through natural portals often when you met Clockwork?  Or, like, did you ever see him without him initiating contact?”

“I didn’t have my portal built yet, Daniel, so, no.”

Danny turned to Clockwork.  “Why did you-?  No that doesn’t matter.  Haaauuuhh, Clockwork, do you have-?”

Clockwork waved a hand and a whiteboard appeared.  

“Thanks,” said Danny, picking a marker up from the little shelf on the bottom.  He uncapped it, then recapped it.  “Actually, before that.  Vlad—” he pointed at Vlad, who looked about one second from exploding “—you have some idea of how old Clockwork is, right?  Or at least how old ghosts can get?”

“Yes, Daniel,” said Vlad, managing to overlay his supercilious ‘I know better than you’ attitude over his still obvious anger.

“Okay, great.  So, just to establish, Clockwork has been around at least since, uh, beginning of time?”

“Give or take,” agreed Clockwork.  “Although I have not experienced it all directly.”

“Right,” said Danny.  “Just, already, his perception of time is different from our because of age differences.”

Vlad looked slightly less angry, and slightly closer to curious.  

“But, then, there’s the larger issue,” continued Danny.  This time his uncapping of the marker was decisive.  He drew a flat, straight, horizontal line across the whiteboard.  “This is our timeline.  We deal with time linearly.  We’ve also got, I don’t know, parallel timelines, like this.”  He drew several more lines.  “You following so far?”

“Yes, Daniel, I’ve read my share of science fiction.”

He was probably rolling his eyes.  Curse his solid-colored red eyes.  It made interpreting his looks and figuring out where he was looking during a fight much more difficult.  

“Anyway, Clockwork isn’t on any of these lines. Because he experiences time nonlinearly.”  He drew a squiggly up and down line on the board that resembled the world’s saddest sine wave.  Or cosine wave.  There wasn’t a y-axis on the not-quite-graph, so it wasn’t like anyone could tell the difference.  They were effectively the same.  

And Vlad still made fun of him for failing math. Danny knew plenty about math.  He just didn’t have time to do the work.  Mostly because of Vlad.  

“Now, that, that is Clockwork’s timeline.  It isn’t always in contact with ours.  It’s, like, solutions to a system of equations. Nonlinear equations,” he specified, in case it had been too long since Vlad had encountered basic high-school-level algebra.

“It is somewhat more complicated than that, Daniel,” said Clockwork, exasperated.  “It’s more of—"  

“Yeah, but this gets the idea across more than the whole parade metaphor, doesn’t it?”

“I would say not.  This doesn’t even begin to touch on my abilities.”

“That’s because we’re just talking about your perception of time,” said Danny.  He considered for a moment.  “And also your ability to interact with our timeline.”

“Which includes my ability to perceive multiple timelines.”

“But that’s complicated, and I still don’t get it,” complained Danny.  

“It is less complicated than what you are currently trying to explain.”

“To you maybe, but the whole point of this is that you aren’t seeing things the same way we are.  You disappeared on Vlad, what, a decade ago?”  He looked to Vlad for confirmation.  

“A decade is hardly any time at all,” said Clockwork with exasperation.  He sipped at his tea.  

“It was fifteen years.”

Clockwork made a somewhat dismissive motion with a gloved hand.  “It’s a tiny fraction of your life as a whole.”

“It’s… closer to a third of his current lifetime,” said Danny with a wince.  “Or a fourth?  I don’t know how old you are, dude.”

“I went to college with your parents.”

“I know, and you were already graying then. Your age is weirdly hard to place.”

Vlad gave Danny a look, but his body language was no longer screaming ‘I’m going to beat the snot after you.’  Danny counted that as a win under the current circumstances.  He disliked Vlad, but in a fight with Clockwork… Well, Clockwork could demolish just about anyone.  

Not that Clockwork would.  Just that he could.  

“Daniel—”

“Please, Vladimir.  Just sit down.  Try the tea. I made it for you.  I knew you would be upset, although I could not see exactly why.”  Clockwork was almost pouting, now.  “Fifteen years is such a short time.”

“Clockwork, I’m fifteen.”

“I know,” said Clockwork, patting Danny on the knee. “Your timeline is so small.  And cute.”

Vlad was now distinctly on his back foot, offput and disarmed.  “His timeline is cute?”

“It is.  Don’t worry, yours is almost as cute.”

Vlad opened and closed his mouth like a dying fish. Danny pushed the whiteboard away.

“Don’t worry about it too much,” he said.  “Like I said, different perception of time.”

“I really didn’t mean to make you feel abandoned, Vladimir.  I simply wanted to give you some time to, ah, how should I put this?  Have space?  Find yourself?”

Vlad sat heavily on the couch.  

“You get used to it,” said Danny.  “But, Clockwork, do you think you can talk him into having fewer evil plans?  Because, really.  There are way too many.  Like, one a week.  They’re destroying my grades.  Have you ever seen anyone else who had weekly evil plans?”

“Evil plans, Vladimir?  Really?”

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Two

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

content warnings: secondhand embarrassment, i dont know how skiing works, poor editing, NSFW 🔥

***

To Nesta’s horror, Cassian was serious when he said he’d teach her how to ski. Nevermind the fact that it’s his birthday, and they should be having a lazy morning together filled with cuddles and breakfast in bed. Instead, they’ve been up since six in the morning without food or drink, just to shuffle around in the snow while Cassian repeats the same instructions over and over. By late morning, the rest of their group has gotten up and joined them at the beginner’s trail to be firsthand witnesses to Nesta’s humiliation.

She stares down at the blinding white slope before her and inhales a breath of frigid mountain air, trying to steel her nerves before she has to push off the ground and take flight.

Cassian sees her hesitation and sighs. “Come on, Nesta,” he urges. “It’s thirty feet to the bottom of the hill.”

“Why is it so steep?” she demands, even though she knows this is a practice hill. Toddlers in skis are shuffling around them, hand in hand with their parents.

“You’re not falling to the bottom,” Cassian says, growing impatient. “You’re gliding.”

He’s already shown her how to maneuver with skis a dozen times already, and Nesta can see that he doesn’t have another dozen times left in him. Unfortunately for him, Nesta’s own patience was used up hours ago. Her stomach pangs with hunger, and she has a pounding headache from the cold and lack of sleep.

“Oh, come on, Nesta,” Gwyn calls from behind her. She hops up and down in her snow boots like a cheerleader. “You can do it!”

Nesta does not want to do it. She looks down at the hill, then back at Cassian with pleading eyes—eyes that he can’t see under her ski goggles anyway.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Azriel mutters from somewhere. He picks up his ski poles and points to Emerie. “Ski lift?”

“Sure—” she starts to say, and then remembers that she’s here to support Nesta. “Not now,” she amends.

“Just go,” Cassian turns to tell them. “At least some of us will be having fun.” Nesta watches as he goes over to Emerie and Az to give advice on the trails, the same frustration from last night building in her chest.

Stupid ski trip. Stupid uninvited guests. Stupid birthday that Cassian isn’t even treating like a birthday.

Gritting her teeth, Nesta jabs her ski poles into the ground. She’ll conquer this hill, and then she’ll conquer the rest of the trail, and then she’ll take her skis and set them on fire.

With everyone briefly preoccupied and no eyes on her, Nesta pushes herself downhill. Her skis slip a little as she takes off but she readjusts her feet the way Cassian showed her, regaining control. She takes a deep breath, realizing the height isn’t as scary as she thought it would be. Testingly, she bends her knees and pushes herself farther, gaining speed.

“Oh, oh, look!” she hears Gwyn say from behind her. “She’s doing it!”

The voice breaks Nesta out of her precarious concentration, and she almost misses the kid right in front of her skiing at the pace of a turtle. Gasping, Nesta swerves at the last second to avoid running him over.

Her skis clack into each other and she feels her ankle twist, and then she’s down. Hard. Her face meets snow and her ski gear jabs into her body as she tumbles down the rest of the hill, until she finally meets flat ground and rolls to a painful stop.

Nesta only hears a dull roar in her ears as she slowly pushes herself upright. Ignoring alarmed looks from stray skiers around her, she reaches forward and unstraps one ski from her foot, then the other. Her goggles fall to the ground next. Once free, she stands up and walks away, ignoring the calls of her friends from the hilltop.

She walks until she loses sight of the trail and then the resort, until the flattened and trampled snow piles up into powdery mounds untouched by human presence. A cropping of towering evergreens appears before her, and she heads straight for the thicket without pausing.

Once safely entombed by the dark tree trunks and frosted branches, Nesta releases a breath and screams. Screams until the frustration and anger within her bluntens just a little.

The forest absorbs her fire and answers with silence.

“Better now?” Cassian’s voice comes from behind her.

Nesta whirls, ready to fling her next scream at him for having the nerve to follow her, but she only restrains herself because it’s his birthday. Guilt and humiliation nips at her; she shouldn’t be doing this on his birthday. “Leave me alone.” Her voice is raw from shrieking.

Cassian only takes a step closer to Nesta, eyeing her up and down. “You’re not hurt, right? ’Cause that would be embarrassing for you.”

Any edge that was taken off starts to build up again, and Nesta really doesn’t want to look at him right now. “Cassian—”

“Your face is turning red,” he suddenly gasps, pointing. “You should try yelling again, babe. I don’t think the entire resort heard you last time.”

Done with her boyfriend’s shit, Nesta releases a growl and rushes at him. He’s a lot closer than she realized, and in a blink she slams right into his broad chest and shoves him with all her might.

Cassian laughs, short and blunt, and pushes her right back. Her back hits hard-packed snow and then he’s on top of her, pinning her wrists loosely beside her head. Icy wetness seeps past the neck of her jacket.

“Do you want me to fucking bite you?” Nesta snarls, getting in Cassian’s face.

“Always,” he says without hesitation, pressing closer to her. “But first you gotta take a breather.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she seethes back. At this rate, she really might bite him. She wants to see his smug face drop when he realizes he pushed her too far.

“You might have an aneurysm at this rate with your anger issues.” He pouts prettily. “Imagine how sad that would make me.”

“I DON’T HAVE ANGER ISSUES!” she shrieks.

Cassian barely blinks. Nesta breathes heavily in the ensuing silence, realizing how embarrassing this is for her. Yet she doesn’t know how to stop.

Closing her eyes, she drops her head to the ground and turns away. Wishing she could sink into the ground and vanish for a few minutes, at least until she gets herself under control again.

After a moment of quiet, she feels the back of Cassian’s fingers brush her neck. “I wondered where that spitfire girl went,” he says lowly. “She didn’t die. You just hid her very well.”

Nesta’s body doesn’t know whether to feel soothed or incited by the touch, the words. “Does it make you happy?” she breathes, her eyes still closed. “That she’s still there?”

“It would be murder if you ever got rid of her. Don’t you dare,” he threatens.

Nesta huffs a derisive laugh. It’s easy for him to say, when he isn’t the one that has to live with it. “I bet you’re enjoying this.”

“Only if you are.” He sounds completely genuine, and Nesta feels him pluck something out of her hair—likely a snowflake.

Realizing Cassian has long since released her wrists, she opens her eyes and stares at the column of his neck. She doesn’t see the regret and concern on his face when he says, “I ruined today, didn’t I?” She watches him swallow before he adds, “I’m sorry, Nes.”

“It’s your birthday,” she mutters, looking away. “You can do whatever you want.” Even if it’s spending the whole day skiing.

“You’re right about that.” His warm breath hits her nose, and now that Nesta’s head is somewhat clear, she can feel every place where his body settles into hers.

Before she can betray herself and forget how upset she was at him only a few minutes ago, Cassian pushes up and off of her. Frigid air replaces where he was just sprawled, and then he’s holding out a hand to Nesta. “We’re going back to our room,” he says, watching Nesta’s feet closely as he helps her stand. “You can ride on my back.”

“Why?” Nesta grumbles, brushing herself off. “I can walk fine.”

“You twisted your right ankle on the way down that hill, and you started limping as soon as you thought you were out of sight.” Cassian turns around and points at his back. “Get on while I’m being nice.”

That makes Nesta scoff, because he’s always nice, but she has little fight left today. She tries to reach up to wrap her arms around his neck, but Cassian grabs her legs and hitches her up onto his back before she can struggle.

She responds with a scowl, clasping her hands across his chest and getting comfortable. “You noticed I was hurt but didn’t have a problem with tackling me to the ground?”

Cassian squeezes her thighs and holds her closer, tossing a blinding smile over his shoulder. “Sorry if I wasn’t expecting you to try to jump me with an injured foot. You took me by surprise.”

“Bullshit,” Nesta says as they start walking out of the trees. “You did it on purpose.”

“Do you like starting fights, Archeron?”

“Do you?” she retorts.

They bicker back and forth like that until they reach the resort, and even once they’re inside the lobby, Cassian doesn’t put Nesta down. The exhaustion of the day has settled over the both of them by then, and the elevator ride up to the penthouse is peacefully quiet.

Back at the empty suite, Cassian carefully lowers Nesta to her feet. “Take your clothes off,” is all he says before heading for the bathroom, shedding his heavy outer jacket as he goes. Nesta has no problem listening; she’s all too happy to take her snow-drenched gear off and breathe air-conditioned air again.

She only realizes as she’s removing her boots that her overwrought emotions must have dulled the real pain of her fall. Her entire body aches down to the bone, and her twisted ankle has it the worst. Inspecting the swollen skin around her foot, she wonders if Cassian will make her see a doctor when the sound of a running faucet pulls her attention. Still dressed in her thermal underwear, Nesta pads over to the bathroom.

Inside, the room is dim, and the only light comes in from the single window panel at the far end of the room. Cassian sits on the rim of the clawfoot tub as it fills with heated water, already naked.

Nesta coughs, caught off guard. The sight is far from unfamiliar to her, and yet she hates to admit that she’ll never not react to it.

Cassian looks up at her, meeting her eyes head on, and a giggle almost escapes her.

“What’s that dumb look on your face?” he says with high brows. “Take your clothes off and get in.”

Nesta firmly schools her face into obedience. Is she a grown woman or a schoolgirl? she chides herself as she strips naked. But as soon as she’s free of her top and leggings, Cassian stops her. “Turn around,” he says.

Is this a sex thing? She hopes it’s a sex thing. She does as she’s told, and hears Cassian hiss in a breath. Glancing at the mirror over the sink, Nesta winces when she realizes what he sees. “Damn.” Her back is peppered with still-forming bruises from her fall, along with her legs and ribs.

Getting up, Cassian approaches her and cautiously runs his fingers over a reddened spot on her ribs. “I think a ski pole stabbed me there,” Nesta says, frowning down at the bruise. She looks like shit, and not at all in a desirable way.

“How’s your ankle?” Cassian kneels to check for himself, handling her like a porcelain doll. He presses gently above the bone where she twisted it. “Does that hurt?”

Nesta considers saying yes, just so he can keep fussing over her like this, but she shakes her head. “I’m fine. Just a little achy.”

A sudden chaste kiss between her legs makes her yelp, and she twists to find Cassian still on his knees, grinning sheepishly up at her. “You know what can help with those aches?”

Nesta blanks as Cassian runs a calloused hand up her inner leg. “Uh…really good dick?”

Cassian is visibly trying not to smile when he says, “A bath.” He stands and turns the faucet off, before going to help Nesta into the tub.

Steaming hot water just beneath the point of being uncomfortable hits Nesta’s calves, then her hips and chest. She might moan in relief as she sinks into the bath.

Cassian settles in across from her, taking up most of the tub space as Nesta twists her ponytail into a bun. He takes her ankle onto his lap and starts massaging above the injury. He notes, “We haven’t been alone like this in ages.”

“I remember when it was my job to be the chill guy,” he continues, rubbing circles into her leg. “I was the one doing stupid shit, and now I have to tell other people to knock it off when they do stupid shit. Since when did Azriel take my role?” he mutters to himself.

Nesta tilts her head against the lip of the tub and watches Cassian, taking in the barely visible lines of weariness on his face. She was once in a similar boat, too, where she had no one to answer to but herself. “Do you miss it?” she asks hesitantly. “Life before we got to know each other?” A life spent in the company of his friends, meeting different women every other week and being as free as possible.

“No,” he says easily. “I miss life before we had to share each other with other people.” He meets her eyes and smirks. “Who knew monogamy could be so exciting?”

Nesta’s stomach curls at his honesty, and she doesn’t know what to say. In the silence, Cassian reaches for a washcloth and lathers it with a bar of pine scented soap. But before he can reach for Nesta, she snatches the washcloth from him and pulls herself forward into the cradle of his limbs. What she can’t say, she’ll just have to show.

She starts soaping up his arms, granting extra attention to his tattooed biceps.

“You’re hurt—” he tries to protest.

“Shut up.” She runs the washcloth over his shoulders, across his collarbones.

When Nesta reaches his chest, she starts, “Earlier in the woods...I lost control.”

Cassian looks wary, but she goes on, “I don’t know why I did that. I thought I didn’t do that anymore.”

“I know why,” he says simply. “You were having a bad day. It was overwhelming.” He shrugs.

“But I’m better than that,” she insists. “You might think it's cute or funny when I—lose it, but I spent years training myself not to fall apart at the slightest inconvenience.” She takes in a breath, her movements slowing. “I learned how to escape reality, remember? I climbed into books and TV and songs, and at one point my entire life passed me by because I refused to participate in it. If I didn't participate, I couldn't be hurt.” She wrings out the washcloth, and Cassian carefully pries it out of her grip.

Nesta places her empty hands on her thighs, avoiding his touch, his eyes. “I think you were one of the only people who ever made me want to come back to real life,” she offers awkwardly. “That's why you made me uncomfortable at first. There were times I would look at you and think, He's better than anyone from the books. If I start living on the same plane as him, I can have him. Does that make sense?”

Cassian swallows visibly, but nods.

“It seemed like an impossible thing to do at the time—participate in the real world, make real friends. But have you noticed? I don’t read as many romance novels anymore.” Not because she doesn’t love them, but because she no longer needs them to remind herself she's alive.

She looks up at him, searching for his thoughts and opinions. Cassian looks like he's doing the same with her face, but then he says, “If you need to scream, even if it’s at me, tell me. I’ll take you somewhere far away, or I’ll let you have it out right in front of everyone. Whatever the hell you want, as long as you tell me. Please.”

Nesta starts to shake her head, adamant, but he stops her with the most pitiful look he's ever given her. “There’s nothing I hate seeing more than you trying to swallow down your rough edges. Even in the woods, you were about to tame yourself before I provoked you.” Cassian holds out a pinky, completely serious. “Consider it my birthday gift. Don’t do that shit anymore.”

Nesta stares at him, his plea warring with years of conditioned self-restraint. “I already got you a birthday gift,” she finally grumbles, but hooks his pinky with hers.

He seems satisfied, but doesn't let go of her pinky. With surprising strength, he uses their hooked fingers to pull Nesta into him, and she just barely catches herself on his chest before he brings her head down and kisses her deep.

Nesta already has her legs adjusted around his waist and his cock pressed against her stomach before she can pull away far enough to choke, “What’s this for?”

He leans up and catches her lips with his again, dipping his tongue just far enough inside to flick the roof of her mouth before retreating. “For existing. And for those aches.” He presses down lightly on a bruise at her back and runs a soothing thumb over it right after. Between her thighs, she feels him growing hard.

Nesta huffs a distracted laugh, the steam from the water sending a red flush up her chest and neck. It's suddenly very hot, and she unconsciously squirms in his lap. “I just realized I’ve never had sex in the bath before,” she says out of nowhere, rubbing her chest and quickly dropping her arms. She’s babbling, she knows. Contrary to popular media, being a seductress is harder than it looks. Half the time she has no idea what to say, and she considers herself lucky that Cassian is driven wild by it anyway.

Cassian entertains her, nodding along while his fingers slip past her ass, brushing her folds. “That sounds like something that should be amended, don’t you think?”

“Well, in terms of comfort I’m not sure if it’ll be better than the shower—” She’s cut off by a finger teasing at her entrance, making her jerk. “Yes,” she says quickly. “Yes, it should be amended.”

He hums thoughtfully, leaning in to nibble and suck at her neck. Her hardened nipples brush against his chest, and Nesta pushes closer into Cassian’s embrace. She’s half-rocking against him when she rasps, “How do you give head in the bath? Do I, like, have to hold my breath underwater?”

“You don’t need to know how,” he mutters, grasping her by the hips and tugging her up so that he’s eye level with her chest. He starts leaving a trail of openmouthed kisses across her breasts. “You’re not doing anything I don’t tell you to do today.”

“What do you mean?” Nesta’s grip on Cassian’s shoulders tightens when he brings a pink nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and pulling off with a flick of his tongue. She can’t move her hips for fear of climaxing at the slightest touch. “It’s your birthday,” she manages to get out. “And I like seeing what I can do to you.”

“Then save it for your birthday.” He pulls her back down firmly into his lap, making her thighs clench with restraint. “Because I like seeing what I do to you more.”

To prove his point, he parts her legs and slips one finger inside her. The smug pride on his face at what he finds makes Nesta move to grip the rim of the tub. Having a pretty boyfriend might have been a mistake, she thinks. That kind of face will get away with anything. Right now, for example.

“Tell me what you want, then,” she pleads.

Cassian leans back, pretending to think. “Sit on my cock,” he finally says.

An easy enough order, one Nesta is all too excited to carry out in only a few movements. It takes a minute to adjust to the fullness and the stretch, and the water doesn’t help in dousing the fire in her veins at all. With heat pounding deep in her core, Nesta releases a terse breath. Her tongue darts out to wet her lower lip, and Cassian watches.

“Now don’t move,” he orders.

“What?” Nesta’s knees involuntarily clench around his hips, her body already craving the feel of moving against him, on top of him.

He levels her with a look. “No clenching, no rocking, no touching.” He hisses in a thoughtful breath, combing a wet hand through his hair. “Actually, that isn’t very fair, is it?”

Nesta is about to nod furiously when he says, “You still need to wash yourself.” He hands her the washcloth she used on him earlier and leans his elbow on the rim of the tub. “Be quick about it. No games.”

Nesta’s eyes widen, looking at the washcloth, then back up at Cassian. Excitement tingles in her fingers and toes, and she doesn’t want to argue with him.

Gulping tightly, she soaps up the washcloth, then smooths the lather over her arms. It’s hard to focus on what she’s doing when there’s a pounding pressure between her legs, and the only thing that keeps her going is that she’ll be rewarded when she’s done. Cassian doesn’t bother watching her, instead tipping his head back against the tub and closing his eyes. From this angle, the tendons in his neck stand out clearly, and the hard line of his jaw looks tense. Nothing on his calm face reveals that Nesta is the reason for his tension, though.

Bringing the soapy cloth over her breasts, Nesta looks up to see if Cassian is secretly peeking at her through his lashes. His eyes remain shut, the perfect portrait of a man at rest.

Suddenly, his hips shift beneath hers, and Nesta nearly drops the washcloth. Straightening up, she has to use herculean strength to force her inner walls to relax around him. “You moved,” she accuses him.

“I was getting comfortable,” he says, still not opening his eyes.

“Why can you move but I can’t?”

That gets him to look at her. His eyes are hooded and lazy when he says, “You’re still talking?”

“Maybe if you had clearly explained the rules—” Nesta starts to grumble, but shuts up when he quirks a brow at her. She won’t lose this game, not for anything—even if she’s split at the seams with Cassian inside her and is one thread away from completely snapping.

Now fully alert, Cassian watches Nesta finish washing up. He hasn’t touched her once since he pulled her onto his cock, and now Nesta tries to make up for the aching lack by pretending her roaming hands are his.

It’s not until the washcloth reaches her tummy that Nesta pauses, her hand frozen over her lower abdomen. Because there, even past the cloth, she can feel him. The skin just slightly bulges, and she looks down at herself with her lips slightly fallen apart. She didn’t realize he was nestled so deep in her, but now she swallows past a lump in her throat. “Cassian…” she starts weakly. Every last muscle is trembling with the effort to stay still. Can he really be unaffected by all of this? Is she really the only one dying right now?

Without intending to, her hand drops the cloth, slipping toward her clit. She can only brush the sensitive nub before Cassian says quietly, “Don’t.”

So this is against the rules, too. She can’t even bring herself to look at him, she’s strung so tight. Taking a shallow breath, she grabs the pitcher from the shelf by the tub and fills it with water, using it to rinse off the suds. When she’s done, with water droplets running down every inch of her, she dares to look at Cassian again. Her anxiousness to get this over with must be written all over her face, and yet.

“Good,” Cassian says, voice just a little grated.

Nesta’s heart rate picks up a beat. She’s finally getting her reward.

“Now sit still and pretty while I rest,” he says, sinking even lower into the tub—and causing his cock to dig even deeper into Nesta. “This is a bath, not a splash pad.”

Nesta chokes. “What—I thought—”

“Hm?”

She presses her lips together tightly, refusing to protest. He can’t make her warm his cock like this forever, can he? Soon enough he’ll crack.

Four minutes in, and he doesn’t crack. While Nesta gets closer to crying by the second, she has yet to find evidence that he’s even aware of her presence. Her only proof is the fact that he’s still rock hard, occasionally twitching against the depths of her walls.

At five minutes in, Nesta can’t help it. She breaks, and her inner muscles clamp around Cassian with a viselike grip. She half-sobs in pain and relief, and her hips jerk of their own accord.

Cassian’s eyes fly open at that, the pupils blown wide, and Nesta has to catch herself on his chest to keep from crumbling. If she had half a working brain left, she would have noticed the trembling restraint that lines Cassian’s limbs, or the way his eyes burn with welling desire and even sympathy. Instead, she turns her face into his chest and begs weakly, “Pleasepleaseplease.” Her thighs keep shifting, rubbing back and forth to create friction, but she can’t give herself permission to move the way she truly needs until Cassian gives her permission.

Nesta feels Cassian’s broad hand come up to carefully brush her back. She nearly weeps with relief at the touch, but he doesn’t go any further. “What do you want, baby?” he says roughly.

“You,” she forces out. She doesn’t care if this is losing.

“Me, what?” He sounds like he’s about to lose, too.

“I want you to fuck me.” She’s nearly whimpering, trying not to squirm on his lap.

Cassian, the horrible bastard, has the nerve to snicker in her ear, though he sounds more than a little wrecked when he says, “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

In a flash, he has Nesta pinned against the porcelain tub. And before she can decide whether to laugh or moan or cry at the turn of events, Cassian covers her mouth with his and thrusts into her, giving her everything she wants.

***

Hours later, after they’ve sated themselves on sex and food and Cassian is napping sprawled out across Nesta’s back, she receives a text from Azriel telling her he won’t be there to celebrate the rest of Cassian’s birthday.

Az: You two deserve the alone time. Also I didn’t get him a present.

Another text pops up before Nesta can reply.

Az: I did order a cake to be sent up to your room, though. Don’t worry, there’s not a picture of your boobs on it.

Nesta’s eyes widen at that, not knowing why—or how—that would be an option. But she completely forgot about getting cake in all the unexpected hassle of their vacation, and not for the first time is she grateful that Azriel came along with them on their trip.

Typing back a quick thank you, Nesta clicks her phone off and curls further into Cassian’s warmth. He shifts on top of her, hugging her closer, and a moment later she feels his nose poking at the crook of her neck. “Good morning,” he murmurs thickly, sleep coating his voice.

“It’s six p.m,” she snickers. The sun slipped behind the mountains just a few minutes ago, leaving the room a blue dark.

Cassian responds by slipping his hands under her oversized tee, rubbing the muscles along her back. “Where’s everyone else?” They haven’t seen Gwyn, Emerie, or Az in hours.

Nesta turns around in Cassian’s arms to face him. “Consider them gone. We’re by ourselves for the rest of the night.”

He perks up at that. “Really?”

A knock sounds from the penthouse door, and Nesta remembers Azriel’s text. She squirms out from under Cassian’s weight with some difficulty and stands off the bed. She points a stern finger at him. “Don’t move from here,” she orders. “I’ll be back.”

Cassian leans back, looking questioning and amused, but Nesta has already jammed her feet into slippers and left the room by then.

She accepts the covered platter from room service at the door and leaves a tip, before carrying the cake over to the coffee table in the living area and setting it down. Within ten minutes, she has an entire setup arranged: the fireplace is up and roaring, the fur throw she stole from Cassian’s couch to bring on vacation is spread out before it, and the cake candles are lit. The Italian dinner that she ordered earlier also arrives by then, and once everything is laid out, she calls for Cassian to come downstairs.

He’s fully dressed in a sweater and jeans when he appears at the top of the short set of stairs, and he looks so excited to see her that he doesn’t notice the cake or the dinner until he’s only a few steps away from her. Very slowly, his smile freezes. “What’s all this?”

“It’s your birthday,” Nesta says. “Duh.”

“But I thought we already celebrated,” he stumbles, looking around. “With the skiing, and the bathtub—”

Nesta makes a face. “You thought that was celebrating?” She shakes her head and beckons Cassian over to the fur throw, right before the table decked out with food.

He sits down beside Nesta, looking over her in nothing but her thin white shirt. “Are you cold? Do you want my sweater?”

She rolls her eyes as far back as they can go. “No, I want you to focus and make a wish before 6:27.”

“How do you know my birth time?”

“Will you do it or not?” she threatens. The candle wax is melting onto the cake.

Cassian stares at her for a moment longer before finally facing the cake. Closing his eyes, he mouths something unintelligible and blows the candles out.

Nesta claps softly. “Happy two years away from thirty. What did you wish for?” She leans closer.

He leans away. “It doesn’t come true if you go around announcing it.”

Nesta’s shoulders drop. “Wishes aren’t real, Cassian.”

“That’s what you say.” He swipes a dollop of chocolate frosting off the cake with his finger and holds it out to Nesta.

Smiling, she wraps her lips around his finger, scraping the chocolate off with her teeth and licking it clean. He sucks on the same finger when she’s done, chasing after her taste and the lingering frosting. “What do you want first?” he asks. “Dinner or dessert?”

“This.” Nesta pulls out a small box from under the table, placing it in front of Cassian. She didn’t have time to find wrapping paper or a bag, but she’s a bit proud of herself anyway.

Cassian once again looks taken by surprise. “You didn’t have to…” He trails off as he reaches for the box. It’s already obvious what it is, but he still opens it carefully, hesitantly.

He stares at the silver watch for a little while and then looks back up at Nesta. “I…” He clears his throat.

“What do you think?” In all honesty, Nesta already knows. But she needs to hear it from him.

He meets her eyes. “It’s so…normal. Do you know what I mean?”

It’s the type of gift that Nesta’s mother would have given to her father, the type of gift that wives would give to their husbands. Not necessarily original or thoughtful, but domestic.

“Since you like to spend your time thinking about taxes and minivans and stuff,” Nesta says, remembering their last conversation about the future, “I thought you’d like something normal.”

Cassian laughs at that. He takes the watch out of the box and turns it over in the firelight, still a little dumbstruck. “I love it,” he says roughly.

Nesta kicks him in the knee. “It’s a watch, not an engagement ring.”

But he doesn’t hear a word, already clasping it onto his wrist.

***

Their last day at the resort starts early with Gwyn, Emerie, and Az banging on the suite door at five in the morning. Though Cassian is already up by then, Nesta snarls and snaps like a bitch at being dragged out of bed to watch the sunrise.

With everyone’s bags packed and waiting at the door, they all gather on the balcony connected to the suite in content silence. Azriel nurses a thermos of coffee that he refuses to share with Cassian, and Nesta is wrapped up in that fur throw she loves, half-asleep against Emerie.

When the sky starts lightening, Cassian pulls Nesta away from Emerie and into his body. “You’re gonna miss it,” he murmurs onto the top of her head.

She blinks awake, looking out at the sky slowly being streaked with a dozen colors. From here, the view over the mountains and the quiet town some miles beneath the resort is breathtaking. Easily better than any sunrise Cassian could have shared with Nesta back home.

It’s beautiful, and in that moment he decides he wants to see even more beautiful places than this with Nesta. Someday.

“Pretty,” she yawns, tilting her head back against his chest. Cassian feels guilty for keeping her up so late the night before, but he’s not ashamed of how she rests in his arms right now.

After the sun climbs past the lowest peak, the group of them slowly but surely come more alive. Emerie asks Az to go inside with her and do a final check before they leave, and Nesta shakes both the blanket and Cassian’s arms off herself.

“Some coffee will wake you up,” he promises her, leaving her outside in the dewy morning air with a kiss on the temple.

When Cassian returns to the balcony with two freshly brewed cups, he finds Gwyn and Nesta in deep conversation. “I never apologized for crashing your weekend,” Gwyn is saying.

“You don’t need to,” Nesta responds, watching the world wake up below her.

“Still,” Gwyn says, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “I acted out of character, didn’t I?”

Nesta turns to her then, the sun haloing her face, and the look of understanding she wears makes Cassian take a step back inside.

“He does that to me,” Gwyn goes on, looking lost as ever. “I don’t know why he does that to me.”

“First love will do that to anyone,” Nesta says.

This isn’t a conversation Cassian should be overhearing, he realizes. Turning around with his coffees, he goes to find Emerie and Azriel instead.

In the living area, Emerie realizes at the last minute that she’s missing her phone charger. By the time she finds it, Nesta and Gwyn have rejoined the group.

Cassian hands Nesta her still-warm coffee with a warmer smile. “You ready to get out of here?”

“Hell yes, baby.” She slings an arm around his waist.

They barely make it to the resort lobby before Azriel and Gwyn start arguing over which route to take home.

“Why would you add an extra hour to your trip for no reason?” Azriel is saying.

“It’s none of your business!” Gwyn retorts.

“She’s scared of highways,” Emerie inserts.

While they bicker on the way to check out, Cassian finds Nesta’s hand and runs a finger down her palm. “Hey, Nes?”

“Hm?” She looks up at him.

He curls his fingers around hers. “Thank you for doing this.”

***

a/n: i cant keep posting chapters right before i sit down to cry in front of kdramas

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea

[yelena-bellova]

Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

chapter three - Chapter Four: Madripoor - chapter five

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n, Sam and Bucky pay an eventful visit to Helmut Zemo in Berlin, heading to Madripoor soon after to get answers about the serum.

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings: spoilers for episode.3, angst, violence, description of injuries, a few crumbs for the slow burn, breaking the law and looking good doing it

A/N: These chapters always end up being so long lol. I was going to include the nightclub scene but it would’ve made it too long so sorry, it’ll have to wait a few more days. Forgive my shitty Russian translations, I’m on Google Translate and that’s not saying a lot. 

----

“Not that it makes a difference, but I still don’t like this.” I’d voiced my displeasure about meeting with Zemo several times since we’d arrived in Germany. Even though we were already being led through the high security Berlin prison hallways, I still felt the urge to state my opinion. 

The guard that was guiding us gestured towards a door, “He’s just through the corridor.”

“Give us a sec,” Bucky said, the three of us coming to a halt in the middle of the hall. “I’m gonna go in alone.” “Why?” Sam asked.

“You’re an Avenger, you know how he feels about that,” Bucky looked to me, “You, I’m trying to keep as far away from him as possible.”

“It’s not like you two were known for frolickin’ in the sun together,” Sam remarked.

“I’m gonna say it again,” I took an assertive step forward, “I don’t like this.”

“He was obsessed with HYDRA,” Bucky pushed, “We have a history together. Trust me, I got it.”

Taking my cue from Sam, who didn’t fight him any more, I nervously watched Bucky stalk down the hallway to the corridor that led to our possible next step.

“Is he really okay?” I asked, watching Bucky’s figure until he disappeared, “I feel like we’re going a little too far with this.” “He’s invested, which means he’s desperate,” Sam answered, leaning his back against the wall, “This is a little too much though.” 

I copied his posture and we stood in silence, the occasional guard passing by. “What happened last night after I left the room? C’mon, you come out crying and you thought I was gonna let it go?” “Bucky and I were just…” I sighed, remembering the change that had happened between our two conversations, “Learning to get along. I told him about Steve, that’s never fun to relive.” “Ah,” Sam nodded, “Can I ask you something?” 

“Hm?” “You’re not mad at me that I gave up the shield, are you?”

My brows knitted together as I looked over at him, “Why would I be mad? Your decision wouldn’t have changed even if I was, would it?” “No, it wouldn’t have. But you were close to Steve too, you care about his legacy,” he went on, “We’re all angry about Walker. I don’t care if Bucky’s upset at me, but I always care if you are.” “Someone ever tell you you care too much sometimes?” I playfully nudged his sneaker with my own, “Of course I’m not mad, you know I support you no matter what. You made the right decision for you and you have nothing to apologize for. Bucky and even Steve don’t need to understand why you chose to give it up. Would it have been cool to say that my brother is Captain America?” I coaxed a laugh out of him, “Of course, but it doesn’t change how I see you. I’m just proud to say my brother is Sam Wilson.” He poked me with his elbow and smiled, “Now I remember why I keep you around.” “Y/n Y/l/n, Falcon’s Ego Booster.” We were sharing a laugh when Bucky came back around the corner. “That was quick,” I observed. He’d been in there five minutes tops.

“We’ve got our next stop.”

————

“What are you talking about? You wanna break Zemo outta jail?” Sam questioned in the dark, “Where are we, Buck? Have you lost your mind?”

“We have no leads, no moves, nothing,” Bucky replied, shining his flashlight around to try and find the power switch. I couldn’t clearly make out where he had brought us to, he’d brought us through the back door of the building. “So because we’ve hit one dead end, you want to spring one of the most dangerous men in the world out of prison?” I asked, shining my flashlight at Bucky causing him to throw a hand up to shield his eyes, “Bucky, I don’t-“ “Like this,” he finished, “I got that, but we’ve got eight Super Soldiers on the loose.” “Zemo’s gonna miss with our minds, especially yours,” Sam interjected, “No offense.” I made out Bucky’s silhouette reaching up a beam, a loud click of a switch and the lights began to turn on. “Offense,” he scowled.

With the lights on, we could finally see that we were in an auto shop. I was glad to be out of the prison but I wasn’t seeing the correlation between it and freeing Zemo.

“Super Soldiers go against everything he believes in,” Bucky continued, “He is crazy, but he still has a code.” “I’ve been on the wrong side of that code and so have you,” Sam countered, I’d heard in detail about the havoc Zemo had caused and the ramifications of his actions had caused Sam and Steve to become fugitives. Never mind what he’d done to Bucky…”He blew up the UN, he killed King T’Chaka and framed you for it. Did you forget that? You think the Wakandans forgot about it? It’s a rhetorical question, they didn’t. I know why this matters to you, but it’s pushing you off the deep end.”

Bucky stood in front of us now, “We don’t know how they’re gettin’ the serum. We don’t even know how many of them there are,” Sam turned his back in frustration, “Look, let me just walk you two through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

“What did you do?” Sam asked suspiciously, turning halfway to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“I didn’t…” Bucky’s looked away briefly, “Do anything.”

“Then by all means,” I leaned up against a beam and crossed my arms, not believing him at all, “Let’s ride the hypothetical train.” Bucky frowned at my sarcasm before launching into it, “The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element. Now, in this lockup, it’s nine to one, prisoners to guards. And if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond.” “So why would two prisoners randomly start fighting at that moment?” Sam asked.

“Who knows? There could be many reasons…But the point is, these things escalate. Lockdown procedures would have to be initiated and with all those bodies flying around left and right, wouldn’t be hard to slip down a hallway or two. And if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated, someone could use the chaos to their advantage.”

“My gut is sounding off every alarm it has right now,” I commented from my place across from Bucky.

“Yeah, I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this, this is unnatural,” Sam replied finally, “Are you- and where are we, man?” A nearby door closing caused us to turn our attention towards it, a silhouette appearing soon after through a curtain. The shadow became a man and walked through the cloth divider wearing the face I’d had etched in my brain since the day it hit the news.

“You son of a bitch,” I mumbled, creating a ball of energy quickly with my hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Sam’s voice rose, walking with me towards the man, “What are you doin’ here?” Bucky was quick to throw himself in front of us, “No, listen. I didn’t want to tell you ‘cause I knew neither of you would let this happen.” “What the hell did you do?” I exclaimed.

“We need him,” Bucky said. Sam pointed to Zemo, “You’re going back to prison!”

“If I may,” the Sokovian man began, removing the hat of his stolen prison guard uniform.

“NO!” the three of us yelled at the same time. He hung his head, “Apologies…” Bucky turned back to Sam, “When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you backed him. You broke the law, and you stuck your neck out for me,” when Sam averted his gaze, Bucky chased it, “I’m asking you to do it again.” 

“And what about her?” Sam gestured to me and the ball of energy I still had formed in my palms, “What happens when she breaks the law?” Bucky’s pleading eyes drifted to me, “He’s our only shot at getting any answers.” My mind was wrestling with itself, his rightness was inevitably going to come at a cost we would all have to pay. On a technicality, yes, I could plead innocent to freeing Zemo. A coconspirator charge, I wouldn’t be so lucky with. But stopping the Flag Smashers meant saving lives and that wasn’t something I could walk away from. I deformed the energy in my hands in cautious surrender, “I’m already breakin’ the law by going against the accords, I need to make it worth it at least.” Sam shot me an exasperated glance, but he didn’t fight me.

“I really think I’m invaluable…” Zemo began from his corner.

“Shut up…” Sam warned, effectively shutting him up. Sam thought it all over for a second before pressing his flashlight to Bucky’s chest, “Okay. If we do this, you don’t make a move without our permission.” Zemo shrugged, “Fair.”

The three of us shared an uneasy look, there was no going back now. “Okay, Zemo, where do we start?”

“Follow me,” he smiled, leading the way out of the auto shop and expecting us to follow. Sam went first, eager to keep his eye on Zemo at all times while Bucky and I brought up the rear.

“I didn’t want to have to go this route,” he said from beside me as if he owed me some explanation for his actions. I sighed, trying to shut off the part of my brain that was screaming at me, “Just be right.”

We maneuvered through a few corridors until we hit a room filled with beautiful antique cars. “So our first move is grand theft auto?” Sam asked. “These are mine,” Zemo corrected, “Collected by family over the generations. I spent years hunting people HYDRA recruited to recreate the serum. Because once it’s out there, someone can create an army of people…like the Avengers,” he dug through one of the cars to pull out a bag and coat, “I ended the Winter Soldier program once before. I have no intention to leave my work unfinished.” My eyes unavoidably flickered to Bucky, observing his reaction to hearing his old code name. He simply watched the man continue speaking. “To do this, we’ll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes.”

“Well, join the party. We’ve already started…” Sam commented.

“First stop is a woman named Selby,” Zemo stated as he headed for the exit, “Mid-level fence I still have a line on. From there, we climb.” 

Sam, Bucky and I left a gaping distance between us and him, we were still highly suspicious and I had a feeling we would be until our temporary partnership came to an end.

————

Zemo had gotten word to somebody that we’d be meeting them at a private airport in Berlin and flying to someplace called Madripoor. Somehow we’d made the journey without being recognized, even those of us who were wanted across the globe. “So all this time you’ve been rich?” Sam asked as we made our way towards the private plane.

“I’m a Baron, Sam,” Zemo answered, “My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country.” 

Zemo greeted the man standing outside the plane, who was dressed like a butler, in Sokovian. “Well,” I crossed my arms and watched one of the world’s most dangerous men exchange cheek kisses, “If we’re going to work with a criminal, at least we picked one that comes with transportation.” “Please,” Zemo said, gesturing for us to follow him up the plane’s steps. Sam awkwardly bowed to the butler and headed up. Bucky extended a hand towards the jet for me to go ahead of him before following closely behind.

When we filed into the plane, Sam and Zemo were already seated. I moved to take the chair across from the baron, wanting to keep as close an eye on him as I could. Bucky’s flesh arm reached out quickly and grabbed my shoulder, I turned to question him and met his wary expression. “Sit with Sam,” he muttered quietly, our faces close enough that I could feel his breath as he’d spoken. It dawned on me that he wanted me to have the safer position. I answered with a nod, maneuvering around him to sit across from Sam. Even though his hand had left my arm, I could still feel its print through my jacket.

We had been flying for maybe twenty minutes when Zemo’s butler, Oeznik, came in carrying a glass of champagne for Zemo and offering to whip up some food. It astounded me how to the world, he was evil yet to his servants, he was a joy. “You don’t know what it’s like to be locked in a cell,” the baron said before looking over at my brother, “Oh, that’s right. You do.”

Sam bypassed the jab remarkably, “Why don’t you tell us about where we’re going?”

“I’m sorry, I was just fascinated by this,” Zemo held up a book, “I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?”

Not two seconds after the name had left his lips, Bucky out of his seat with his metal hand wrapped around Zemo’s neck. My heart stopped as I watched him lean over the man threateningly. “If you touch that book again,” he growled, “I’ll kill you.” This was a side of Bucky I had yet to see, the one that straddled the line between his dark past and his true self. As he sat back down, tucking the book in his pocket and refusing to meet my eyes, I could tell he wasn’t pleased with how he’d acted. I wasn’t in a place to criticize but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been slightly worried when his fingers hit Zemo’s skin.

“I’m sorry,” Zemo said, “I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.” “Don’t push it,” Bucky rasped, collecting himself after the scene.

“I’ve seen that book,” Sam spoke up, “It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man, he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What’d you think?” “I like ’40’s music,” Bucky shrugged and looked out the window, “So…” “You didn’t like it?” Sam exclaimed.

“I liked it,” Bucky replied unconvincingly.

“It is a masterpiece, James,” Zemo chimed in, his hands forming a triangle, “Complete, comprehensive…It captures the African-American experience.” While my brows raised at the European’s surprising education, Sam’s furrowed. “He’s out of line, but he’s right. It’s great, everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

Bucky shook his head, “I like Marvin Gaye.” “Steve adored Marvin Gaye.” “He did,” I chuckled, reminiscing back to only last year, “Played him almost anytime I got in a car with him.” “You must have really looked up to Steve,” Zemo said, “But I realized something when I met him. The danger with people like him, America’s Super Soldiers, is that we put them on pedestals.” “Watch your step, Zemo…” Sam warned. “They become symbols. Icons. And then we start to forget about their flaws. From there,” he shrugged, “Cities fly, innocent people die. Movements are formed, wars are fought,” Zemo turned his attention to Bucky, “You remember that, right?” As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull? That is why we’re going to Madripoor.” “What’s up with Madripoor?” Sam looked between the two men, “You guys talk about it like it’s Skull Island.”

“It’s an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago,” Bucky grumbled, “It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s.” “It’s kept its lawless ways, but we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves,” Zemo’s unsettling eyes moved back to Bucky, “James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.” 

With the way Bucky’s expression had changed in mere seconds from complacent to tortured, it didn’t take long to decode what Zemo was insinuating. “No,” I blurted out, “That’s not fair to ask of him.” “I admire your devotion, Y/n,” Zemo complimented with his lips to his champagne flute, taking a quick sip, “But you know nothing of how Madripoor works. If you want to get to Selby, we must have protection. More than that, we must have leverage. James can provide us both by simply playing a part.” “Devo-?” I shook my head, sidestepping Zemo’s comment, “That’s not playing a part, that’s like reliving every nightmare you’ve ever had. I-it’s like-“ “Y/n,” I turned to see Bucky’s chair rotated towards me, looking helpless and determined all at once, “We need in.” “Yeah, but…” I started to protested before seeing his eyes, those ocean blue eyes I was growing to feel comforted by begging me to let the subject go. I clenched my own y/e/c ones shut in frustration, “Okay.” “Now that that’s settled,” Zemo stood from his seat, “I will find us something to change into, we will need to blend in where we’re going.” ——

The silver dress Zemo had chosen for me was…it made me wonder just what kind of scene we were planning to enter. It was more revealing than anything I typically wore, but gorgeous nonetheless and fit perfectly.

As I was finishing my makeup in the bathroom of the plane, I had to take a second to steel myself for what was to come. This wasn’t just dallying with Super Soldiers any more, this was dancing with the criminal underworld. Zemo hadn’t told us yet the roles we were playing, only that we needed to stay in character at all cost. I had never felt more out of my depth, but had no choice but to rise to the occasion. Giving myself one last check in the mirror, I unlocked and exited the bathroom. 

“Okay, I hope whoever I’m playing is bad with heels,” I held up the elaborate shoes Zemo had matched to my dress, “Because there’s no way I’m going to be graceful in these.” Sam looked up from tying his dress shoes, dressed in a maroon suit patterned with yellow circles. His eyes scanned my outfit unapprovingly. “Uh uh,” he protested, going full protective big brother, “Nope. It shows too much.” “It doesn’t matter what it shows,” I said, bending over to strap on the shoes, “It’s what I’ve got.” “She’s right,” Zemo chimed in, putting his jacket on, “You two are supposed to be rich, glamorous travelers of the world. You need to look the part,” he nodded towards me, “You wear it well.” I politely smiled at the baron and looked up to Bucky, perched in the far corner of the jet. His gaze was fixed on me, eyes quickly traveling down my body before quickly locking with mine. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, his plush lips parted ever so slightly. I found myself just as drawn into him as he seemed to be with me, for a few seconds it was just the two of us shutting our surroundings out. It was…something. “You look nice,” Bucky finally said, his voice slightly strained.

My lips quirked upwards, “Thanks.” “It is time for us to leave,” Zemo announced, bursting the bubble Bucky and I had built, “You’d better get used to those shoes quickly, we’ll be making most of the journey by foot.” He hadn’t been lying. We departed the runway and walked our way towards the city. Madripoor looked beautiful on the outside, the high-rise buildings lit up in all different colors emitting a glow across the waters. 

“We have to do something about this,” Sam finally exclaimed, holding the lapels of his patterned maroon suit, “I’m the only one who looks like a pimp.” “If you’re a pimp, what does that make me?” I gestured to the amount of skin I had on display, “Suck it up, Wilson.” “Only an American would assume a fashion-forward black man looks like a pimp,” Zemo added as we crossed the large bridge leading to the city, “You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.” Sam took Zemo’s phone from his outstretched hand, “He even has a bad nickname.”

I leaned over to look at the picture of Sam’s doppelgänger, “Hey, be nice. That’s your twin you’re talking about.” “And you,” Zemo addressed me, “Conrad is known for entertaining beautiful women, one after the other,” he ignored the faces of disgust Sam and I made at the thought of acting as a couple, “You will be playing tonight’s date, no need to come up with a name or a story as his dates are typically just arm candy.”

“So I’m supposed to just sit and look pretty?” I side eyed Zemo in annoyance, “Great.” “You smell this?” he asked the group.

“Yeah, what is that? Acid?” Sam asked.

“Madripoor,” Zemo answered, “No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There’s no margin for error. High Town’s that way,” Zemo pointed towards the part of the city I’d been admiring, “Not a bad place if you want to visit, but Low Town’s the other way.” We approached a car waiting for us at the end of the bridge, ready to take us into the darkest part of the city. Bucky, who had remained silent since the plane, climbed into the backseat first while Zemo took the passenger’s side. “Let me guess,” Sam remarked as we moved to get in the car, “We don’t have any friends in High Town.”

“I’m guessing not,” I muttered, ducking into the back seat and sliding till I was pressed against Bucky. He didn’t make a sound, he barely even registered my presence. I was about to ask him if he was alright when I realized what he was doing. We all had our roles to play and Bucky was doing just that. 

Sam climbed in next to me and we took off, me sandwiched between the two men trying to convince myself that I could do this. I could pretend to be someone I wasn’t to get answers, but my nerves was convincing me I was going to mess it up for us. No margin for error, Zemo’s words bounced around in my brain. He’d said our lives depended on it. They depended on whether or not I could keep it together. Sam must have sensed my anxiety because I felt his palm slide against my clammy one and squeeze. I sent a shaky one back, taking what comfort I could that I didn’t have to do this alone.

We were escorted in by a motorcade till we got to the seedier part of the city, the bridge we parked under painted with graffiti. Sam helped me out of the car and Zemo took our group through the back way into the city. As we crossed the overhead bridge, looking down into the city, I began to feel like my life had suddenly become some fever dream. Even more so once we entered the city and I was surrounded by people from all walks of life. Smugglers were making deals, guards were stationed outside buildings with machine guns, forgers were trying to sell to people. It was like nothing I’d ever seen. Sam kept me on his arm the entire time, selling our characters while still retaining his protective nature. We followed Zemo into a crowded bar, weaving our way through. “Here we are,” he announced quietly, our fellow patrons took notice as soon as they caught sight of Bucky, “Gotov podchinit'sya, zimniy soldat?” (Ready to comply, Winter Soldier?)

I tried my best to keep my face neutral, though an unwelcome chill went down my spine as Zemo began his act. It was wrong. It wasn’t fair to Bucky or his recovery to make him do this.

We approached the bar and the bartender came over immediately, “Hello, gentlemen. Ma’am. Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.” “His plans changed,” Zemo explained, “We have business to do with Selby.”

The bartender looked over suspiciously at Sam, “The usual?” Sam nodded casually in response and the man walked away to begin prepping the drink. What took us by surprise was when he reached for a jar containing a dead snake rather than the bottle of alcohol. He proceeded to lay the reptile on a cutting board and slice its stomach open, I looked up to Sam who was doing his best to keep his composure. “Ah, Smiling Tiger,” Zemo jeered, “Your favorite.”

The bartender removed a piece of the snake’s guts and sunk it into a shot glass filled with vodka. I covered my mouth with my clutch to conceal my delight at the sight I was about to behold. Sam caught the action and addressed the bartender, “You know what? She’ll have one too.” “Oh, no, I don’t think so,” I quickly protested, waving it off as if it were a shot of tequila and not an animal intestine.

“No, girl, I insist,” Sam grinned phonily at me.

“They actually upset my stomach,” I giggled, glancing to the bartender, “Can’t hold my liquor to save my life, I’ll be up all night sick if it touches my lips. But you enjoy, sweetheart.” The bartender didn’t pay much attention to the exchange as he set the shot glass in front of Sam, who looked unconvincingly between the glass and Zemo. “I love these,” he stated, holding it up for us all to see.

“Cheers, Conrad,” Zemo clinked his glass against Sam’s.

Sam made several, hopefully convincing, noises of excitement about his drink. After giving it one last look, he shot it straight down, holding a thumbs up to the bartender afterwards.

“How badly are you trying not to throw up right now?” I whispered after the man had left.

“I can’t even hear you right now,” Sam replied in a strained voice, focusing on keeping the drink where it needed to be. An intimidating bearded man made us all turn around, he looked to Zemo. “I got word from on high. You ain’t welcome here.”

Zemo, ever the cool and collected presence, turned to the man. “I have no business with the Power Broker. But if he insists, he can either come and talk to me…” Zemo gestured to Bucky, standing at his side. 

“New haircut?” the man asked Bucky, who stayed silent.

“Or bring Selby for a chat,” Zemo finished.

The man left, leaving us with questions. “A power broker?” Bucky grumbled, “Really?” “Every kingdom needs its king,” Zemo replied, “Let’s just pray we stay under his radar.” 

“Do you know him?” Sam inconspicuously asked. “Only be reputation the baron answered, “In Madripoor he is judge, jury, and executioner.”

I spotted another man approaching us, this one walking with a purpose. Zemo looked to Bucky, the show was about to start. “Zimniy Soldat,” Bucky nodded once, “Attask.” (Winter Soldier, attack.) As soon as the stranger thumped Zemo’s shoulder, Bucky sprang to action, his metal hand grabbing and twisting the man’s arm. He pushed him to the center of the room where he proceeded to twist it further before dropping him to the ground. The groans coming from him were sickening as he lay helpless, clutching his most likely broken arm. As another patron came up to attack, Bucky moved fast to disarm him before power kicking him into a table several times. I clung to Sam’s arm even tighter as Zemo shoved someone forward for Bucky to punch, sending him sliding across the floor. 

“Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form,” Zemo slyly observed, from my side. It took everything in me not to send him flying across the room right then. He was enjoying this.

When Bucky lifted a man by his throat and slammed him down on the bar was when guns all over the bar were cocked. Sam grabbed onto Bucky’s metal arm, ready to pull him back to us and to reality. “Stay in character,” Zemo whispered, dead serious, “Or the whole bar turns on us.” Sam dropped his arm as Zemo leaned into Bucky, “Molodets, soldat.” (Well done, soldier.)

“Selby will see you now,” the bartender said, watching the scene in awe. Bucky slowly let the man go, gasping and groaning for air once he was freed. Sam looked over warily, “You good?” When Bucky faced us, his eyes met mine before they met Sam’s. I wished I could have concealed my reaction better for his sake, but the second he had attacked was the first time since we’d met that I’d been properly scared of him. It made the incident on the plane look like nothing. My mind knew he was just acting, pretending to be someone he once was for the sake of furthering our mission. But my blood ran just as cold with fear as it would have if the Winter Soldier was standing in front of me. Bucky’s eyes now were watery, filled with pain that he’d worked hard with his therapist to get through, now being brought back to life. Had the bar not been watching and had I not needed to stick with Sam, I’d have been at his side trying to make sure he was alright. Instead, I could only watch as he sniffled, nodded to Sam and followed Zemo to wherever we were going next.

We were escorted upstairs through a series of hallways with a heavily armed guard following us. A white haired woman sat in the middle of the room we were led to, tapping her fingers against the couch she lounged on. “You should know, Baron, people don’t just come into my bar and make demands.” Zemo smiled, “Not a demand. An offer.”

Sam and I took our places standing next to Selby, Bucky stood watch across from us, back in his act. 

“A lot has changed since you were here last,” Selby spared a look at Bucky, “By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?” 

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” Zemo shrugged, “I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m here for.” 

Selby pointed a blind finger towards Sam, “You’re taller than I’d heard, Smiling Tiger,” she eyed Sam suggestively and gave him a purr before turning her attention to me, “And what a lovely little dish you’ve got with you.” Internally I was struggling to stay calm and had never felt more exposed with the thin materiel of the dress over my body. “What’s the offer?” Selby grinned at Zemo.

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum,” Zemo replied, rising from his seat to circle Bucky, “And I give you him, along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want,” Zemo rubbed Bucky’s chin, playing with it to provoke him but knowing he could get away with it. I felt sick to my stomach.

“Now that’s the Zemo I remember,” Selby approved, “I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately. Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right. The super-soldier serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank. Or condemn, depending on what side of this you’re on. The Power Broker had him working on the serum, but…things didn’t go as planned.”

I squeezed Sam’s arm, we were getting answers. The crazy, chaotic plan was actually working. “Is Nagal still in Madripoor?” Zemo asked.

“Oh, the bread crumbs you can have for free,” Selby’s flirtatious demeanor shifted as she stood to business-like, “But the bakery is gonna cost you, Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me.” 

A sudden vibration tickled my arm from Sam’s suit pocket, it was his cell phone. He pulled it out hesitantly and looked down at it, I glanced over to see that it was Sarah calling.

“Answer it,” Selby ordered, Bucky had moved behind her to give us protection if need be, “On speaker.” The armed bodyguards moved in closer, it was clear we had no say in the matter. Sam unlocked his phone and pressed the speaker button, “Hello?” “Hey, um, we need to talk about this situation,” Sarah’s voice filled the air, sending an all too brief wave of peace through me, “It’s been drivin’ me nuts.” 

“What situation exactly are you talkin’ about?” Sam replied stiffly. “Are you high? You know what situation, it’s the only situation me and you have.”

“What situation, Sarah?” Sam’s voice grew louder, “Say it.”

“The damn boat,” Sarah replied just as hard, “And watch your tone, okay? I let you slide at the bank.”

Sarah. The boat. Home. And here I was standing in a designer dress meeting with Indonesian crime bosses. Two unbelievable worlds were colliding on the call.

Sam scoffed and nervously chuckling, “Yeah, the bank. Laundered so much, yeah, they’ll come around.” “If that was the case, then why’d they dog you out, Big Time?”

“Yeah, you damn right I’m Big Time. You’ll see,” Sam paused menacingly, “When I have that banker killed.”

We almost had Selby convinced as I watched her pace around the room, we were so close to- “Cass! What’d I tell you about the Cheerios? I don’t have time for this!” Sarah yelled, “Sam, I’m sorry. Let me call you back, and make sure Y/n is with you too.” “Sam? Y/n?” Selby echoed the names, “Who are you? Kill them!”

A second after she had given the order, a bullet shot through the nearby window and struck her chest fatally. The four of us sprung to action, Sam landing punches on the guard stationed behind us while I used my energy to pull the machine gun from his grasp. Across from us, Bucky took care of the other guard. I handed the weapon to Sam and we took our positions in the back of the room, ready to retaliate against the hidden assassin. “They’re gonna pin this on us,” Sam panted, our backs against the wall.

“We have a real problem now,” Zemo said, unbelievably calm for someone in our situation, “So leave your weapons and follow my lead.” Bucky ripped the lock on the back door and the four of us filed down the staircase quick as we could. It dropped us back off in the middle of the city, we hurriedly made our way down the street where all heads were turning to us. “This is not good,” Zemo hurried. The words hung in the air for a grand total of five seconds before bullets started to rain down around us. Bucky, Sam and I tore down the street where in the chaos, Zemo took off in another direction.

“I can’t run in these heels!” Sam yelled over the gunfire. “Oh, I don’t wanna hear it,” I exclaimed, struggling to keep up with them in my stilettos, “Screw it!”

I threw my hands out to my side and lifted off the ground, keeping low enough to dodge any shots but stay close to Sam and Bucky. Two motorcycles sped after us promising more bounty hunters, Zemo caught up with us and killed two lone gunmen hiding behind a dumpster. Two perfectly aimed bullets came out of nowhere and lodged themselves in the heads of the cyclists chasing us.

“You seem to have a guardian angel,” Zemo observed as the three of us looked around for our savior.

“Well, this is too perfect,” a woman’s voice said, she appeared seconds later drawing back her hood and pointing a gun toward us, “Drop it, Zemo.”

Bucky stepped forward disbelievingly, “Sharon?” Sharon Carter. I recognized her only from the pictures I’d seen of her on the news when the shitstorm that branded her an enemy of the state went down. As she strode forward, ready to strike down the man responsible, I couldn’t say with certainty if she was an ally or not. “You cost me everything,” she seethed.

“Sharon, wait,” Sam, ever the steady presence, held a hand out and carefully came towards her, “Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead.” “Well, that explains why you guys are here and Selby’s dead.”

“So what are you doing here?” Bucky asked.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember?” she answered, her face contorting, “I also took the wings for your ass,” she aimed her gun at Sam, “So that you could save his ass,” then at Bucky, “From his ass,” the gun landed on me after Zemo, “Your ass is new.” “I’ve had one hell of an initiation, trust me,” I replied, standing my ground between Bucky and Zemo.

Sharon turned back towards Sam, “Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up so I’m off the grid in Madripoor.”

“Don’t blow that smoke at me, I was on the run, too,” Sam recalled. “Was. Is. Big difference. I don’t speak to my family anymore,” Sharon shook her head sadly, “I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.”

“Listen, Sharon,” Bucky stepped forward, “We need your help. Please.” Sharon mirthlessly chuckled to herself, sighing afterwards as she made her decision. “This isn’t over. I have a place in High Town, you should be safe there for a while.”

While Sam roughly shoved Zemo forward to keep him in his line of sight, Bucky pressed a gentle hand to the small of my back to act as a guide through the dark alleyways. “You okay?” he asked quietly, quickly looking over at me. With everything he’d gone through in the last twenty minutes, the fight in the bar, the unshed tears in his eyes, Zemo talking about him like he was property to be traded, I couldn’t understand why he was asking if I was alright. He was what I was concerned with right now. “I will be once I get out of these shoes,” I joked, trying to get him to smile if at all possible. A corner of his lips turned upwards in a blink-and-you’d-miss-it flash, mine doing the same right after in some sort of relief.

Sharon led us to her car parked down a different alley, Sam shoved Zemo in the front seat while him, Bucky and I squeezed in the backseat once again. The difference between Low Town and High Town was visceral, Madripoor may have been dangerous no matter where you went but High Town provided a little more safety. When we arrived at Sharon’s house, greeted by two burly guards, the feeling of protection increased. The first room we entered was filled with artwork, statues and other priceless works that told us exactly what Sharon had done to afford her lifestyle in High Town.

“Looks like breaking all those laws is treating you well,” Sam commented as we walked through the room.

“Well, I thought if I had to hustle, might as well enjoy the life of a real hustler,” Sharon shrugged, far too goodheartedly for a true criminal, “You know how much I can get for a real Monet?” Sam grinned at his friend, “Deactivate your hustle mood, you sell fake Monets.”

“No, she means real,” Zemo corrected, “This gallery is specialized in stolen artwork. Monet. Van Gogh. Classics.” “I kinda thought that was implied,” I said, following Sharon and Zemo and beginning to relax in the shockingly calm environment, “No offense.” Sharon scoffed, “None taken, a girl’s gotta do what she can to survive. By the way, who are you?”

“Y/n Y/l/n,” I answered, “Sam’s sister.” “Hmm,” Sharon hummed, looking me over once before turning around to hurry Sam and Bucky along, “Come on, you guys need to change. I’m hosting clients in an hour. You,” she pointed to me, “Second door on your left, I’ll bring something up for you.” At the promise of shedding the over exposing dress and blistering heels, I had never moved faster in my life.

————

I took the opportunity to catch my breath while I could, the night had been a little too exciting than any of us had wanted. Sitting on the edge of Sharon’s bed with my elbows balanced on my knees, I felt the adrenaline rush I’d been running on start to subside.

The door opened, bringing in Sharon and her garment of choice. “This looked like it would fit you,” she said, tossing me a black jumpsuit that looked ten times more comfortable than what I was in. She walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out an outfit for herself, “I gotta change too, back to back?” “Works for me,” I replied, turning around and beginning to unzip the dress.

“So you said you’re Sam’s sister but your last name isn’t Wilson?” Sharon asked, I could hear the sound of her clothes hitting the floor.

“We grew up together,” I freed myself of the dress and kicked it to the corner of the room.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here though,” she said, “This is probably the shittiest family road trip you could go on so clearly there’s a reason.” I looked over to the wardrobe, a pair of black boots sitting on the floor next to it. I used my energy to levitate them and landed them at Sharon’s side. Her dry chuckle served as her reaction. “I kinda begged him to bring me,” I explained as I pulled the jumpsuit up my body, “He was going to send me back home before John Walker decided to not so subtly threaten me with the Sokovian Accords, figured I’d be safer here with them.” “Safer?” Sharon scoffed, “Did he say this before or after you were being shot at by bounty hunters?”

“Well, between getting shipped off to jail and going undercover with a superhero and a Super Soldier as protection, I’ll take my chances here.” I heard Sharon walk away, presumably finished dressing. I zipped up the suit and tightened the belt, turning around after to find her leaned up against her dresser with her hands in her pockets. “Look, I know we just met but let me do you a favor and shed some light on the subject of heroics. It’s all bullshit. The whole costume, nickname, swoop-in-and-save-the-day act is all hypocrisy. I get that you’re young, you’ve got,” she waved a hand at mine, “Whatever that is. Maybe you want to do some good, maybe you just want to feel like you’re a part of something. Maybe you didn’t think it through at all and just thought it would be cool to run with a superhero. But if you’re smart, you’ll get your ass on a plane to anywhere but here and stay clear of all this.”

There was so much going through my head that I wanted to throw back at her, proving her speech completely wrong. Then I remembered that this woman had sacrificed more than most had and the government had turned their backs on her. She’d stuck her neck out for Steve and Sam and had been punished for it. Plus, she was kind enough to give us refuge when she had every right now to. I wasn’t in a place to criticize her. If anything, she should have been a cautionary tale. “I’ve had these powers all my life and have never known what to do with them,” I responded, “I want to help people and this is the best way for me to do that. As easy as it would be for some people to walk away, this is personal and I can’t leave now.” Sharon stared back at me silently before pushing herself off the dresser and brushing past me. There were layers of her expression, if I could peel each one back I thought I might get to the sadness I suspected she felt regarding her current life status. She opened her wardrobe, pulled out a pair of combat boots and handed them to me. “Then take a step back and ask yourself how far you’re willing to go. And if the three of you live long enough to get there, is it going to be worth the hell that’ll come afterwards?” She gave me a half smile before leaving the room, her heavy words hanging in the air. Steve had been my friend, Sam was my brother and Bucky was quickly climbing the ranks of people I cared about. I was going to see this through to the end with them, but what was the end? Was it retrieving the rest of the serum and stopping the Flag Smashers? Was it only two of us returning? One? None? Questions I didn’t have the answers to swirled in my mind as I stared at the door, wondering what awaited us for the rest of the night.

----

A/N: Next chapter is going to be...let’s just say there’s gonna be a lot of developments. A lot. Hope you guys are enjoying it, let me know what you thought or if you’d like to be tagged.

Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale​ @wanniiieeee​ @asoftie4bucky​ @edencherries​ @i-reblog-fics-i-like​ @ttalisa​ @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess​ @rinaispunk​ @weirdowithnobeardo​ @felicityofbakerstreet​ @godlypotterwhodiaries @eternalharry​ @voguesir​ @mizz-kraziii​ @okayline​ @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories​ @nicklet94 @intricate-melody​ @aesthethickks​ @stumbleonmywords​ @simplybarnes​ @21bruhs​ @lostinwonderland314​ @superbookishhufflepuff​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @zozebo​ @fandomxreaders​ @kittengirl998​ @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​

[messymessyml]

Breaking and Entering

I'll be moving this one over to AO3 at some point (done, available here), but I'll start this off on Tumblr. This is a lighthearted, multi-chapter Jasonette story.

Summary:

Marinette is away from home when a curious visitor drops in. The kwami don't see any problem letting the man in; the question is: what will the guardian think when she realizes an intruder was in her house while she was gone?

Chapter 1 is below the cut.

Chapter 1: What did I come back to now?

Marinette felt a wave of relief hit her as her key turned smoothly in the lock. She was more than ready to unload her bags and take a well-deserved night in after a whirlwind week of consulting with clients in Metropolis. She’d decided to take Tikki and Sass with her and rent a hotel for the week as most of her clients were only available for early morning consultations, and while it was the most effective way to make sure she didn’t miss a meeting, she was glad to be back home.

Gotham may not be as glitzy or have as many potential clients as Metropolis, but it more than made up for that with the anonymity that Gotham allowed her. The local mentality of ‘take no shit’ and ‘mind your own damn business and I’ll mind mine’ allowed the kwami and her freedom that they wouldn’t get in Metropolis, a city crawling with news stations and a baffling love of all things mundane. Half the time when she visited Metropolis it felt like she had a target on her back; the paparazzi were worse in Metropolis than they ever were in her Parisian hero days and that held for her professional pseudonym as well as plain Marinette. It was a wonder that with so many news outlets (and Superman to report on for crying out loud) that she was still the topic of a news piece twice in the past week: once as MDC and once as plain old Marinette. In all seriousness was helping with a local tree planting event for Earth Day that newsworthy?

‘Enough of that’, she thought, realizing that although her door was now unlocked, she’d thought so much about arriving home that she hadn’t even fully opened her door. A slight twinge of embarrassment hit her. Carrying her tiny friends everywhere was always a blessing, but sometimes, she mused, it might be nice not to have an audience for every action she took—no matter how embarrassing.

Letting go of that train of thought, Marinette stepped through and closed her door behind her, feeling tension bleed out of her shoulders. The underlying scent of vanilla and blossom honey hit her nose as she strode over to the kitchen island. She set her bags to the side and took a hold of one of her swinging barstools with the intention to sit for a bit before making any attempt at dinner for the kwami and herself. Absently tracking the path Sass and Tikki took as they flew in the direction of the room where she kept the Miracle Box, she hesitated to sit as she noticed a slowly building feeling of unease hit her. Something, she thought, was off.

Sharpening her gaze and gripping the barstool a little tighter, Marinette scanned her apartment. At first glance, the living space looked unchanged from how she left it; the furniture was where it belonged, and her shelves and wall art were unmoved. As she looked closer though, she saw items around the house that were shifted a bit more than they would be if the kwami had decided to explore while she was away: the living room rug was centered, the dishes she had left to dry right before leaving the house a week ago were put away, and the barstool she was currently grasping was a bit more level than it had ever been, thrifted as it were. The kwami were a joy to interact with and an honor to serve as their guardian, but cleaners and tinkers they were not.

Marinette released her grip on the stool, rounding the kitchen island to open the cabinets. Like she thought, the dishes she had washed a week ago were put away and the towers of plates and bowls looked straighter than they were normally. Her gut churned as the beginning stages of worry started to fill her.

A chorus of greetings from behind her met her ears, disrupting her thoughts. Turning, Marinette saw the kwami flying towards her from the hallway.

“Marinette, did you have a nice trip?” Mullo squeaked.

“Guardian, I hope all went well on your trip. It is wonderful to have you back home.” Wayzz said.

The other kwami threw in their own noises and words of agreement, mirroring Wayzz’s welcome.

Marinette couldn’t help her small smile, replying, “My trip went well, and I am happy to be back here with you all.” She paused, hesitating before she asked, “Did anything happen while we were away?”

“Not much, Pigtails.” Plagg swam leisurely into view, tailed closely by Tikki, both twirling as they approached. “Some fighting outside, and a bit of a showdown on rooftops at the end of the block, but no damage to our building.”

Wayzz intercepted Plagg’s path, floating into the center of her vision to say, “That may be true, Plagg; however, one of the combatants took a breather on our balcony by using the garden for cover. He didn’t seem injured, but he was breathing heavier than was wise. Most of us hid in the box while I continued to strengthen the wards on the outer walls and windows.”

Marinette interrupted, “No one entered the apartment?”

Wayzz hesitated, then said “The man stayed hidden as best he could, but he was quite large, and I could feel the shifting balance; if he stayed on the balcony, he would have drawn fire here. I strengthened the barrier outwards then loosened the barrier on the balcony doors, undid the latch for him, and asked Trixx to hide us from view. He had a protector’s spirit and none of us could feel an intent to harm any but the ones he’d been fighting outside. I am sorry, Guardian, for making this decision without your input.”

Marinette took a deep breath to fend off the impending tension headache, unclenching the hand she had used to subconsciously gripped her other wrist. She loosened the muscles around her eyes to soften her gaze. “It’s alright, Wayzz. I wasn’t there, and I trust your intuition. What did he do?”

“He seemed distrustful of the open door at first but ended up entering almost silently and quickly moved to scan the apartment.”

Trixx added, “I made sure he could not see the Miracle Box and that he was not visible from the outside at any point, but he stayed away from the windows for the most part.”

Roarr piped in, “He has a fierce spirit, and I agree with Wayzz that he has a strong protective streak.”

She heard some murmurs of agreement from the other kwami, some of them breaking out into small discussion pertaining to the man’s character. “If so many of you saw him, did you leave the Miracle Box then? What did you see?” Desperately, Marinette wished that the immortal beings she called friends could get to the points.

“Some of us came out to see, but most of us stayed in the box. Trixx’s illusions held; he didn’t see or hear any of us.” Barkk confirmed.

“Yes, he mostly stayed in the living room. He sat right here for a while!” Saying this, Pollen surged towards the end of the couch, landing with their back to the armrest in a bored sprawl. “Like this!”

Plagg, swaying upside down near the ceiling, lazily added, “He wasn’t much fun. All he did was check his guns then started cleaning the place. Boring.”

“Guns?! Cleaning? Why?” Alarmed, Marinette’s heartbeat started to pound at the picture painted by the kwami. They had let a large combatant enter her apartment and all he did was inspect his guns and clean??? ‘This can’t be real’, she thought. ‘Was I caught up in one of Scarecrow’s attacks on the way home?’

“He had good manners at the least.” Kaalki sniffed. “His gear smelled of money and he fixed that stool of yours that never would have entered the premises if you had listened to me from the start. At least now it isn’t horrendously squeaky.”

“Hey!” Mullo protested.

Kaalki just turned away.

“He needed the protection.” Wayzz apologetically said. “He didn’t seem interested in your workroom and he wouldn’t have been able to find the box, so we observed. He cleaned a bit and left after checking that the coast was clear outside.”

Marinette allowed her shoulders to sag. “Alright. If you’re sure.” Glancing around, she gave the kwami a smile, eyes hesitating on the glass doors leading to the balcony, she absently added, “Thank you for keeping an eye on things while I was gone.”

Striding over to the doors leading out to the balcony, she peered out. Nothing seemed out of place out here, but she couldn’t be certain. Checking the door handles, she noticed that one of the kwami or her mystery visitor must have relatched the lock. Unlocking it, she stepped out and went to sit at her patio table. Leaning back in her chair, she let her head tip back to view the sunset, partially obscured by the balcony two floors above her own. Her apartment building had mostly staggered the balconies to allow more light to reach its inhabitants, a must in Gotham’s dreary weather.

After a few moments, she let her head droop forward to land in her hands. As much as she loved them, the kwami’s survival instincts always seemed at odds with hers. She couldn’t tell whether that was due to her anxiety amplifying everything past the point of reason or that the kwami’s inherent existence rendering most danger obsolete, but while some intruder might not be a danger to beings that could turn intangible and invisible at will, she was definitely a bit more breakable (‘Mortal’, her brain whispered) than them. If she had been here? Who knows how that visit might have gone?

Taking a few more minutes to calm her body’s response, a few deep breaths, and a moment or two of gratitude that nothing bad had happened, she straightened a bit as the evening wind started to pick up and a splash of white started to flutter at the edge of her vision. Glancing up, her eye caught on a piece of paper at the other end of the table that was weighted down with a rock she had decorated a while back with paintings of ladybugs and cats playfully chasing each other across a meadow. That particular rock usually spent time in the catnip bed Plagg had insisted on and Tikki had seconded as a nod to both kwami. Curious, she reached out and grabbed the sheet of paper underneath. Opening it, she read:

Dear Stranger,

I was in a bit of a tight spot and hanging around your balcony when your door swung open. Haunted house, much? Hope you don’t mind, but I ended up using your house as a temporary safe house while you were gone. Don’t worry, I made sure no one saw me entering or exiting, so you shouldn’t have any problems from the type of shit that follows me.

On the topic of haunted houses, are you sure yours isn’t haunted? Your house is unnervingly the calmest- and safest-feeling place I’ve been in a while, but I kept seeing blurs out of the corner of my eye and I was NOT concussed. Might want to talk to someone about that.

I ended up tidying a bit while you were gone, hope you don’t mind. Fairs fair, you (unknowingly, I know) lent me a place to stay, I tidied up a bit. Stay out of trouble, alright?

Cheers,

- Red Hood

The Red Hood? The RED HOOD is who they let into the house? For kwami’s sake, what were they thinking?!?

[kasey-writes-stuff]

The boy with the reindeer clothes and captain america mask

You had fallen for Callahan the instant you first met him through bad boy halo’s Minecraft server. It was insane really out of all the guys and girls you could’ve fallen for you wound up falling for the faceless mute boy. I guess there was just something extra charming about how he was able to make you fall for him despite not showing his face or using his voice… It had been years since you had met him and the rest of the crew online and by now you had even met a few IRL! Still your heart aches for the one true person you wished to meet, you wished to hug, to hold, to kiss if he so wished… So all that being said after months of begging and convincing from your other friends to just get up the guts and ask… you finally did it…

You decided today would be the day you call Callahan and ask if he wants to meet up! Despite Callahan never talking he loved when you would call he always said your voice was very soothing and he’s even fell asleep to you talking away a few times.. You can always tell when he falls asleep because when he’s awake he keeps it saying that he’s typing but once he’s fallen asleep somehow it turns off fate or some magical power or maybe someone lives with him that you don’t know about, either way you don’t question it. It was like a silent understanding between the two of you to never question it whether be out of fear of somehow messing it up if you question it or if just simply neither of you cared enough to ask…

You take a deep breathe before clicking call… You anxiously await and within only two rings he picks up and quickly types in chat “hi, what’s up?” You gulp softly “Hi Calla well um I was actually calling because I well I have a question…” He types question marks and “okay? What is it?” You take another deep breathe your voice shaking as you finally say the words “Do you want to meet up with me?” You begin to ramble on about how he doesn’t have to show his face or anything but before you can barely mutter anything else out he types “yea sure I’m down when do you wanna do it? Do you want me to come to you or you come to me or what?” You blink a few times not believing the words you read

Your mind swirls wondering how he agreed to quickly and seems so calm when you felt as if your heart was gonna beat out of your chest… Little did you know he was actually feeling the same way and he had to retype the sentence a few times because his fingers were shaking so much he typoed quite a bit… You suddenly hear finger snapping and quickly are pulled back to reality making a small noise of alarm quickly looking at your computer screen you saw Callahan’s mic lit green and heard the quickest laugh before his mic was once again red… “Sorry I zoned out for a second there um I can come there if you don’t mind, I know it would be easier for you if I did”

Unbeknownst to you Callahan had a wide smile on his face as he silently cheered to himself before quickly typing that he would send you his address later and that he had to go! You laughed softly a bit from nerves of this actually happening and from imagining Callahan rushing around his house getting everything ready for your visit “okay sounds good I’ll see you later bye calla I L-“ you barely stopped yourself you had said it a few times before to him and honestly you said it almost all the time to your other friends but something about saying it to Callahan was different.. You didn’t like saying it not because you didn’t love him but because you couldn’t explain that how you said I love you to him and I love you to your other friends was different so you usually just refrained from saying it

Callahan laughed silently to himself quickly typing “I L- you too” his heart soared anytime you told him you loved him though he tried not to think much of it because you always said I love you to everyone else so it was just your thing right? Though it was painfully obvious you didn’t say it as much to him and that’s something he never understood and while it hurt like heck he could never bring himself to ask about it he was too scared he was too scared of being even more hurt so he just suffered in silence cherishing every time you told him you loved him even more each and every time you said it…

Once you ended the call with Callahan you quickly grabbed your phone FaceTiming Niki as you already begin packing.. Only a couple rings and she picks up “hi y/n! What’s up?!” You smile widely blushing brightly as you say “Well I may be taking a trip very soon…” she claps her hands together “really?! Where are you going?” You shrug softly finding your duffel bag “I don’t know yet” she turns her head at you curiously “what that makes no sense what do you-“ suddenly she stops a giant smile appearing on her face “YOU DID NOT” your smile widens as you nod excitedly “I DID I DID!” She screams happily “AAH Y/N I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” You scream happily as well “AH THANK YOU” she excitedly says “YOU’RE WELCOME! So when are you leaving?” You throw your hands in the air “I don’t know probably within a week or two maybe?! We haven’t really discussed the details yet” she nodded softly “well let me know when you find them out!” You nodded back “I will I will! I’m gonna go ahead and get packed I’ll talk to you later love you!”

Callahan after ending call with y/n quickly grabbed his phone as he ran about tidying up. I began calling Dream and luckily within only a few rings he picked up “hello?” I quickly begin typing “DREAM” he laughs softly “what’s up calla?” I nearly bump into a wall as I’m typing but stop myself just before I hit it “Okay so I may have gotten asked by y/n if I would be okay with them coming out to meet me and I may have said yes…” Dream gasps softly and I can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks “What?! No way! I’m so happy for you guys! Finally! We’ve been trying to get you two to meet for years!” I roll my eyes light heartedly “I know I know so now you guys can finally stop nagging us” Dream laughs again “hey it was for your own goods okay? We’re just trying to help our friends be happy as they can be okay?” I smile to myself “yea yea whatever you say” he laughs more “Whaattt it’s true and you know it” I snicker to myself “maybe we’ll see, I’m gonna finish getting everything ready I’ll call you later okay?” I can hear his ever widening smile “Of course see you calla”

It was the next day and you were absolutely buzzing wishing you could tell chat the full story of why you weren’t gonna be able to stream next week but alas you and calla both wished to keep it very private in fact as far as you knew only Niki knew and as far as calla knew only Dream knew though you both suspected you had each more than likely had told someone neither of you knew for sure… anyways skip a bit and your stream has begun plenty of messages already asking what the title is about what does it mean and some being worried “Hello chat! Don’t worry don’t worry it’s nothing bad! It’s actually something really really good as to why I can’t stream!” Chat exploded asking millions of questions and others being relived that it was nothing bad, you laugh softly “Well I can’t spoil all the details as we wish to keep most of it private but I can’t stream next week because I’m meeting up with someone! Yes yes before you ask it’s someone you all know! Also again before you ask yes you can guess no I will not say if you got it right or not… at least not directly…”

Names come flying in like wild fire at first you’re seeing mainly Niki,Dream,Sapnap,even punz and bad but then you see one saying Callahan and you can’t stop the light blush that dusts your cheeks as you try to think of a way to discreetly let it be known someone guessed the right answer… Unable to think of one though you simply clap your hands and say “Okay guys someone guessed the right answer! I won’t say who and I won’t say details as I don’t wanna give it away but yes one of you guessed them!” And so of course chat lit up trying to figure out who the right answer was but alas they couldn’t figure it out, you laughed light heartedly at them and after that continued stream as normal just fiddling around the dream SMP setting up a few pranks and then deciding to build a little house with a small hint as to who you’re meeting with!

The house was simple it was made out of birch and dark oak and the small hint you used was you placed three flower pots on each of the widows.. in the first you placed a small red flower, in the second a small white one and in the final a small blue one.. You didn’t say anything about it being a hint you just placed the flowers and moved on doing a few more pranks. “Guys how do we prank Punz?” You giggled your body already erupted with butterflies knowing what Punz’s prank back to you would be “I already know he’s gonna get me back so badly but it’ll be worth it! I’m gonna replace all his pumpkins with melons!”

Chat explodes saying how thats such a simple but good prank and how punz will lose it and it’ll be so funny. You nod giggling “right right chat! So let’s get started shall we?” You begin and about ten minutes in suddenly calla shows up, you can’t help the excited smile on your face as you see Calla’s name pop up in game and you excitedly type “hi calla!” He types back “hi y/n!” You try to contain your ever growing smile “What’s up?” He says “Not much I’m watching your stream and saw you’re trying to prank punz so I decided to come help” You quickly nod now knowing he’s watching your stream you verbally say “Really?! I’d appreciate that so much thank you calla” He quickly says “Of course it’s not problem” and in no time he’s over there with you helping you replace all the pumpkins with watermelons, the job definitely gets done a lot quicker with calla there to help and it honestly is a lot more fun having calla there to bounce jokes off with you! In no time the job is done you quickly thank calla and tell him you’ll talk to him tomorrow and you end stream.

Before you go to bed you check your phone and see a text from calla “Hey so i forgot to ask earlier is that like our house or something? I noticed you made two bedrooms but you could always just make one and use the other to expand the work area if you want but if not it’s cool” You smile softly reading the text “I love the idea of expanding the room I’ll get on tomorrow off stream and fix it and yea it’s our little house… I hope you don’t mind I mean I just figured it’d be a nice little place ya know an extra place for each of us to keep things and to stay… I’m glad you got the flower hint, anyways I’ll work on it tomorrow I’m gonna try and get some sleep goodnight calla” A few minutes later a text pops up “Don’t worry I can always help and work on it besides there’s my own little hint that I wanna add as well so I’ll do it and I hope you sleep well goodnight can’t wait to see you next week” Your smile widens more as a your heart pounds “I can’t wait to see you either ❣️”

Throughout the rest of the week you only did two more streams and of course each one chat tried to get you or whoever happened to be on stream with you to spill who it was you were meeting with but no one you streamed with that week knew… besides calla of course! Chat didn’t believe them when they would say they didn’t know and it was honestly comical seeing them get so upset. It started with Sapnap and George and ended with Boomer and Punz.. Even after stream the duos had tried to get you to spill who you were meeting with but you refused to spill even to them, insisting they can wait just a few more days and though the four of them whined they settled and finally let you go.

So we fast forward and it’s Monday you leave tomorrow so you’re finishing last minute packing and waiting for Karl to come over so you can give him your spare keys because he so graciously agreed to watch your cats! Also so he can just hang out with you a bit before you have to leave and can drive you to the airport! You’re just about to start triple checking that you have everything when you hear a knock at your door. Your cats look at your curiously but don’t bother following see you rush to the door and open it to see a ever beaming Karl! He quickly rushes in hugging you tightly making you giggle as you hug him just as tightly “hi Karl!” He giggles softly “hi y/n!” After a few minutes you break apart and he quickly shuts your door. “Soooo since I’m watching your cats do I get to know where you’re going and who you’re seeing?”

You shake your head laughing softly “Sorry but no you’ll find out when everyone else does! I will say I’m going somewhere I’ve never been before” He tilts his head curiously trying to think “hmm I don’t know there’s a lot of places you’ve never been like you have yet to go to the UK, you have yet to go to like any of the states uhmm are you meeting someone you’ve never met?! Is it Sam?! Oh my gosh it’s Sam isn’t it?! You’ve never been to Texas and you’ve never met Sam!” You shake your head “Good guess good guess and while I would love to go meet Sam it is not Sam..” he pouts slightly “hmm well I don’t know there’s so many other guesses I could make” You smile and roll your eyes softly “Well instead of guessing where I’m going how about you help me double check that I have everything okay?”

He nods smiling softly “okay sounds good!” So for the rest of the night you and Karl double and triple check your bags and then just chill out watching your friends streams and posting pictures together! You both laugh at the fans freaking out over the random content of you two and laugh even more at them freaking out over karl with your cats. Two of your cats loved Karl but they love everyone so it wasn’t surprising but your third isn’t too fond of him but she’s not too fond of anyone, still Dream is convinced when he comes to visit you that she’ll love him and Karl is convinced that spending this week visiting them he’ll be able to make her love him. You’re not confident of either of those things happening but it makes you happy to see them so confident and happy so who are you to destroy their happiness.

Another small time skip and suddenly it’s Tuesday afternoon and time for you to leave, after spending an extra few minutes telling your cats goodbye and promising you’ll be back soon and that they know karl and he’ll take amazing care of them. Karl finally manages to pull you out the door and suddenly it’s all becoming more real than ever… It’s so real you’re frozen in place just standing outside your door, Karl locks your door for you and helps you sit on the ground outside your door rubbing your back “it’s okay everything is gonna be fine, we’re gonna get you to the airport the plane ride is gonna be your smoothest ever and when you get there they’re gonna be there waiting for you smiling widely and with open arms ready to give you the biggest and best hug you’ve ever had apart from my hugs” you nod and then giggle softly both because of how you don’t believe at all his statement of them being there waiting and smiling with open arms and also at his joke “Thank you Karl you’re the best you know that right?” He smiles softly squeezing your shoulder reasssuringly before smiling hopefully “so much the best that you’ll tell me who you’re meeting?” You giggle rolling your eyes “nooo not that much the best but I can give you another hint” he nods “okay okay go on!”

“Okay so I’ve never met them, I’ve never been to the place they live and they’ve been on my stream within the past month” Karl hummed in thought able to rule out, Sapnap, Dream, Alex, and Boomer… That still left way too many people so he shrugged “I don’t know I guess I’ll have to wait like everyone else” You smile softly “Well I can also say at least one person knows, I don’t know if the person I’m meeting told anyone but I assume they told at least one person so hehe” He gasps in mock offense “you told someone?! And that someone wasn’t me?! I’m so wounded!” You laugh at his dramatics “yes yes I did, it’s not that I don’t trust you obviously I do but it was just this certain person for some reason came to mind first but I wanted and still want to tell you as well but the person I’m meeting with wants to keep it very private for right now” he smiles softly hugging you gently “it’s okay don’t worry about it I’m happy for you okay? Now let’s get you to that airport!”

So now you were off! In no time you managed to make it to the airport and you had to admit it was kinda hard to leave Karl, you didn’t get to see him often as you would like.. He was always busy with mr beast and his own projects and you weren’t one to go out much so while you were frequently invited to be in mr beast videos you rarely agreed to them.. Karl sighs softly as he helps you get your bags, he sets them down beside you and hugs you tightly pressing a kiss to the top of your head “Be safe okay? Text me when you land” You hug him back even tighter and nod softly “I will don’t worry, I love you” after a few moments he lets you go “I love you too” Soon enough it was time to board the plane, the plane ride went fairly smooth only one crying toddler who luckily fell asleep and little turbulence and when getting your bags you even ran into a few fans who you gladly took pictures with and who tried light heartedly to get you to spill who you were meeting with to which you simply laughed and gave them a few extra wrist bands you kept with you and gave them to them as you said sorry that you weren’t able to tell them.

Today was finally the day! I rushed to finish getting ready knowing y/n should be arriving to the airport in no time and just as I finished getting ready and grabbed my keys my phone began ringing I quickly picked up and smiled brightly hearing y/n’s voice “hi calla! I just made it to the airport and got my bags! Are you here?” I quickly typed “not yet I’m leaving now I should be there in like thirty! I’m sorry I’m running a little late I couldn’t find the last piece of my outfit” They laughed softly and I blushed softly holding back my own laugh at how infectious theirs was “It’s okay i understand it’s a big thing so the outfit needs to be just right haha I’ll see you soon okay?” Though they can’t see it I nod excitedly as I respond “Yes see you soon can’t wait!” With that I hang up and make my way out the door, soon enough I’ve made it to the car and after what feels like forever but it’s really maybe forty five minutes at most I’ve finally made it to the airport! I take a deep breathe closing my eyes and opening them moments later..

I quickly put on my captain America mask, my light up red nose and raise my hood… Was I embarrassed? Yes definitely, was the chance of making y/n laugh and ensuring they would recognize me worth it? There’s no doubt it’s worth it… Another deep breathe and I manage to get myself into the airport and I begin scanning for y/n and within a few minutes I spot them! I quickly wave at them smiling widely and they break into a smile before trying to contain their laughter, I make my way over to them and press my nose to make it light up and thats when the dam breaks and they’re ever so melodious laughter rings through my ears…There’s something different about it this time though it sounds even better, it feels even more special, it makes me heart soar more than ever before. I find it hard to contain my own laughter a very small snicker escaping causing me to blush and quickly cover my mouth..

You’re practically doubled over in laughter in the middle of the airport but you don’t care you’re with Callahan and everything just feels so right… A few moments pass and you finally collect yourself, you boop his light up nose, he squints his eyes a bit and then pulls the nose off placing it gently on your own. You smile softly at him and start to stand on your tip toes to ensure you can reach his nose but then stop yourself realizing this isn’t Karl or Dream or even Sapnap this Callahan we’ve never met before you can’t just kiss his nose, or grab his hand as we walk or hug him.. He looks at you curiously and you simply play it off “You have a very nice nose” Your eyes widen realizing how that sounds “wait wait I mean this nose not your nose I mean not not that your nose is bad it’s a great nose I just ugh forget it let’s just go so if I embarrass myself anymore at least we’ll be alone”

He smirks softly nodding and holding a hand out for one of my bags, you hand it to him and smile and his smirk turns to a smile as he slings the bag over his shoulder and then holds his hand out again… You’re confused at first and go to push the handle of your wheely bag into his hand but he shakes his head and grabs your hand clasping your hands together.. You blush a light pink smiling happily as you walk off hands swinging softly, you don’t speak until you’ve made it to his car and he signs that you can choose the music. You smile softly connecting your phone to his Bluetooth and deciding to do a mix of new boy bands you liked and nostalgic songs.. You start with love song by why don’t we, you tap your hand to the beat humming a long at first but then softly singing… Callahan sneaks small glances at you smiling brightly seeing you beginning to let yourself loose.. Next comes this love by maroon five your eyes widen as you hear a tapping and then humming as you’re singing, you smile widely as you look to Callahan and see him jamming out! He notices you looking and blushes and stops but you shake your head and giggle “Don’t stop it’s okay I like it maybe we can harmonize together” He smiles a bit and nods, you begin singing again and he taps to the beat and then begins humming once more and in no time you’re harmonizing.. The song ends and you glance at each other wide smiles on your faces and light pink hues dusting your cheeks… You begin to just let a random playlist play different songs ranging from toxic by Britney Spears to The right stuff by new kids on the block plays but then hey Stephen by Taylor swift pops up and suddenly the lyrics come flooding into your mind and you blush brightly quickly skipping it, it’s too early to be playing that, it’s too early to be thinking of Callahan like that and making it so obvious… Luckily for you just before the lyrics really start you’ve made it to Callahan’s house..

Calla quickly hops out and helps you grab one of your bags his other hand grabbing your free one as he leads you to his door.. As you step inside you glance around smiling it’s very clean and simple sure it definitely looks lived in despite what you can see by the bag of trash calla forgot to take out the cleaning supplies he forgot to put back under the cabinet it looks lived in but in a very good way in a comforting way.. You’re not scared you’re gonna ruin anything or like you’re gonna mess anything up “Calla it’s beautiful” He smiles sheepishly as he signs “It’s not much but it’s home here come here and I’ll show you your room and then show you around” You nod and allow him to continue holding your hand as he takes you to your room, once you reach your room he lets go and sets your bag on the bed and you roll your other bag beside it and you nearly shiver at first… Not because the room is cold but your hand is cold and empty feeling like you’ve been outside playing in snow without gloves on so now your hand is freezing but yet feels empty not having the cold snow in it anymore…

He signs “I’ll uh let you settle in and when you’re done you can come out to the living room and we can order pizza or something and watch some tv” You nod and smile softly “Thanks that sounds great” he nods and leaves and so you begin unpacking and as you’re unpacking you get a call it’s from Niki, you smile widely and excitedly as you pick up “Hi Niki!” She smiles excitedly waving “Hi y/n! How’s everything going?!” You sigh in happiness and content as you say “It’s going great ihihi ehe I don’t know if he would like for me to say this but he showed up at the airport dressed like his minecraft skin!” She giggles “No way?! So you still haven’t even seen his face?” Your eyes widen as you suddenly realize “You’re right I haven’t, well I haven’t seen his whole face and I haven’t even seen his hair” Her eyes widen as she says “Is he ever gonna show you his face or what’s going on with that?” You shrug softly grabbing your phone as you finish unpacking “I don’t know honestly? I’m not gonna rush him into doing anything ya know? I mean I know at some point he’s probably gonna take the mask off and he has to take the reindeer onesie off sometime” she nods “Oh yea no no I wasn’t trying to pressure him or anything I was just genuinely curious,so what are you gonna do for your first night and where’s calla’s room compared to yours?” You smile and blush a bit “We’re gonna order pizza and watch tv and his room his just down the hall from mine there’s a bathroom in between our rooms” she wiggles an eyebrow teasingly “So are you gonna cuddle during the tv watching?” You roll your eyes light heartedly “No probably not I don’t wanna make him uncomfortable but then again I don’t know.. maybe… because well…” you pause blushing more hiding your face in your hands as you try and wipe the absolutely love sick look off your face but you’re unable to, Niki’s smile can’t get any wider as she excitedly asks “What what what because what?!” You bite your lip a bit and then take a small breathe before saying “Well he grabbed one of my bags when he met me at the airport and he held his hand out so I thought he wanted my other bag but he shook his head grabbed my hand and held it… and when we were walking to his car his kept holding my hand and when we got to his place he did it again and he actually didn’t let go until he let go so I could unpack…. And you know it’s weird.. my hand has felt cold ever since he let go…” Her eyes soften and she coos softly “Aweee y/n that’s so cute! Maybe you can hold hands when watching tv or something then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind” You nod “maybe maybe I don’t know I’m just so nervous to mess up I mean we’re friends we’re not anything else and this is our first time meeting and as far as I know his first time meeting any of us so I just want it to be good” she nods “Don’t overthink! It’s good you wanna take it slow and it’s good that you’re being cautious and concerned about his needs and comfort but don’t forget your own needs and comfort okay?” You smile thankfully at her “I won’t I won’t! I’m gonna go now I don’t wanna keep him waiting any longer, I love you thank you for everything” she smiles lovingly at you “Of course darling I love you too I’m always here day or night whatever you need whenever you need it bye have a good time” you nod “I will! Bye!”

So with that the call ends and you change into some simple pajama pants and a t-shirt before heading to the living room.. Your eyes widen a bit and seeing the back of Callahan’s head seeing his shortish brunette hair, but then you smirk to yourself a bit seeing he’s stood distracted looking through the TV for a decent movie or TV show… You sneak behind him and poke his sides! He jumps and lets out a small squeak whipping around to face you with wide eyes before his eyes narrow and he playfully smirks at you but then smiles mischievously… “Ohoho mahhannn that was sohoho gohohohod” You were lost in giggles but then saw his face and looked at him and began backing up nervously “Calla… whatever you’re planning d-don’t…” He pauses faking as if he’s thought before shaking his head no and quickly running at you, grabbing you and carrying you to the couch! You squeal in surprise giggles already tumbling out “EEP CALLA Nohohoho!” He tosses you gently onto the couch and carefully sits on your waist straddling you, you cover your face whining softly “Callahahaaaaa” You hear him snicker and you squeak and flinch feeling his hands shoot towards your sides even though they never touched you… You heard a very small laugh and your smile widened as you peeked out from behind your hands and Calla was smiling widely at you lost in thought it seemed…You smirked a bit and poked his stomach and he jumped covering his stomach before his eyes lit again with mischief and his hands darted towards your sides… This time though making contact! His fingers began curiously poking at your sides and he couldn’t help the delighted smile on his face as you squirm back and forth between his poking fingers, soon pokes turn to scribbles and scribbles to squeezes and you’re left laughing your heart out gasping for breathe but you wouldn’t have it any other way… Suddenly a knock is heard interrupting your laughter as Calla pauses and you both realize the pizza is here! Calla swiftly hops off you and runs to the door to pay before you can even manage to collect yourself enough to stand, let alone make it to the door.

Calla already knew all your favorite toppings seeing as you shared most of the same favorite toppings, he came back to the living room carrying two big pizza boxes, a medium box and a very small box… You went to the kitchen and began grabbing you and Calla drinks and plates and by the time you got back Calla already had everything ready to serve and had on the aristocats! You smile fondly at him setting your drinks down as your hand instinctively in a way gently cups his face as you run your thumb along it, he shivers slightly at the coldness of your hand and you giggle “sorry I forgot my hand would be cold, anyways you didn’t have to turn this on we could’ve watched whatever you wanted to” he shrugs softly before his hand comes to cup yours pushing it further against his face as his other hand signs “No you’re the guest so you get first movie choice and since I already know all your favorites and you’ve been talking about wanting to watch this one for weeks we’re watching this one okay?” You smile slightly wider as you nod “Okay whatever you say Calla, I’m not some kind of royalty though so don’t treat me like it okay? I’m just y/n I’m nothing special” even though you may not have necessarily meant to sound so self deprecating or depressing it still hurt Callahan deeply to hear you talk about yourself like that he sighed quietly as he gently removed your hand from his face and in a gentle movement cupped your face with both his hands as he closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again he did not expect this to happen so soon but he’s gonna follow his gut… He shakily open his mouth saying “y/n p-p-please don’t t-talk a-about yourself like that… you’re even better than royalty honestly… You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me in my entire life and I’ll forever be grateful for you and I… well I… I hope you feel the same… Can I um? Am I allowed to? Is it okay if I?….”

You’re stuck in shock for a moment processing hearing his voice for the first time ever, it’s so nothing like you ever expected yet also somehow it fits him perfectly and you wouldn’t change it at all after finally recollecting yourself you nod and close the gap between your faces… Your lips connect and it’s almost like you feel a little explosion in your stomach like hundreds of mini fireworks went off…The fireworks increasing as he cups your face with both his hands…After a few more seconds you each break apart smiling at each other while blushing bright red… You look at Calla curiously “so um what does this mean?” He shrugs softly his voice a bit scratchy because it’s not used much at all “Well what do you want it to mean?” You shrug back “Well I mean I’d like it to mean something special… I’d like it to mean we’re a thing honestly but I don’t wanna rush you or rush things I mean this is our first time meeting this is literally my first night here and we’ve already kissed… Which I loved the kiss don’t get me wrong I loved it but I guess just for now it’ll be a kiss and nothing more? We’ll just give it the rest of my time here and see at the end of the week to see how we feel? And we’re definitely not going to tell anyone because it’ll make it all harder agreed?” He nodded laughing softly at the last bit “that sounds good and yes I definitely agree, um I know I like just started using my voice but can I go back to signing my throat is actually getting really sore” Your eyes soften as you nod “of course! Never feel like you have to talk to me okay? Don’t force yourself I’m just fine with us using sign to communicate though your voice is really nice to hear don’t feel pressured or insecure or anything I lo-I um… I…” His eyes widen a bit as his blush darkens and he signs “You what? Why do you almost never say you love me?” You sigh softly glancing away before staring at your lap “Because it’s not the same and I was scared… I didn’t wanna say it because when I say it to you I don’t mean it how I say it to everyone else and I just it didn’t feel right saying it to you so much and it being something completely different” He holds your hand gently rubbing his thumb on your palm making you giggle softly and his eyes soften as he uses his free hand to say “It’s okay I get it and I appreciate it now actually knowing why you didn’t say it and I lo- you too!” You smile and roll your eyes light heartedly squeezing his side “You’re such a nerd dude” he squeaks at the squeeze narrowing his eyes playfully and you smirk “You know I still haven’t gotten my revenge yet…” His eyes widen as he backs up and begins to try and stand as he signs “Y/N don’t do it…”

My eyes are widened as I’m backing up seeing the mischievous glint in y/n’s eyes as they say “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t” I sit for a moment trying think of one and just shrug, they snicker “Welp I don’t see or hear you giving me a good reason” With that they begin scribbling on my sides and despite my best efforts to hold back I can’t and I break into giggles that near soft laughter the closer to my ribs or hips they get! They definitely notice because soon after they move one hand to my hip squeezing and kneading as their other scribbles up and down and inbetween my ribs! I let out the most embarrassing squeal before falling into loud laughter! I attempt to squirm away from them but as they hit a couple particularly sensitive areas I actually fall off the couch sending us tumbling the two of us in an out of breathe heap on the floor.. We both groan softly and then giggle “Like the view? Cause I kinda like my view” They scoff and lightly slap my arm before getting off me and pulling me up, I pull them into a hug and they seem worried at first and tense maybe thinking I’m gonna tickle them again but they sigh contently as I fall gently back onto the couch with them keeping my hold on them as I press play on the movie… Y/n falls asleep about half way through the movie and I don’t have the heart to move them so I simply turned on another movie and soon fell asleep my own self..