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vagrantblvrd · 6 years ago

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Infinite Possibilities (1/1)

Summary: When it comes down to it, it’s not that Ryan and Jeremy refuse to tell the others how they met, no. It's more that depending on who asks (and how and why and when), the story changes.

Or: Five ways the Battle Buddies didn't meet and one they did.

Notes: Inspired by exchanges with @miss-ingno and YorkandDelta who wanted to know how the Battle Buddies met in this AU and gave me the idea for this ridiculousness. <333!

AO3

Gavin’s the first one to ask.

Too curious for his own good, and takes the opportunity provided him when Lester calls them in for a risky job he claims he can’t trust anyone else with.

It’s an odd decision on Lester’s part, bringing the four of them in on this, considering the history they have with each other.

Not quite allies, not quite enemies, and not quit sure which side they should land on because there’s gut instinct and stupid human want.

Jeremy’s wary around Michael and fondly exasperated with Gavin. Michael’s eyeing all of them like he can’t believe his fucking luck to be stuck with so many idiots. Gavin is vaguely amused by the whole situation because aside from Lester, everyone here has tried to kill him at least once. And Ryan -

Gavin still unsettles him. Something about him makes it easy for Ryan to let his guard down around him even though he knows better. (Los Santos is a good teacher in that regard.)

“The two of you seem to know each other,” Gavin says, examining the array of weapons Lester’s acquired for their use.

If he was anyone else, Ryan would think it’s an idle comment. Just a simple observation, like what a nice day it is or my goodness, Lester certainly did get them a lot of explosives, didn’t he?

But this is Gavin. The only person to survive the Vagabond, extenuating circumstances or not.

Ryan shrugs, tugging a grenade out of Gavin’s hands because no.

He remembers what Gavin can do with those, and he’d like to keep his car in one piece this time if it’s not to much to ask for. (It really, really shouldn’t be.)

“You could say that,” he agrees, because Gavin’s not wrong.

========

Ryan’s separated from his squad on an operation when he runs into a kid in the same boat.

Young, probably straight out of boot. Clean-cut with his jaw set, and a good little soldier who has no damn clue what happened to set things off like this but damned if he isn’t going to do his job. (Because orders, and it hurts remembering how young Ryan was when he figured out the people giving them weren’t always right.)

This mess isn’t his fault, though, and Ryan really should have listened to his gut on this one, that bad feeling he had during the briefing and every moment after that up to the moment things went to hell on them.

Bad intel, and part of him wants to think it wasn’t intentional, but considering how quickly things went to shit on them – how prepared they were for his squad - he knows it was.

“Landmines that way,” Ryan says, and feels a twinge of guilt as he takes ammo off fallen soldier.

One of theirs, maybe even this kid’s friend with the way there’s a spill of chain and a set of dog tags hanging from his clenched fist. The way he watches Ryan with narrowed eyes, but hasn’t made a move for the rifle he’s carrying.

There’s no rank insignia or anything to give the kid to work with, which is kind of the point since Ryan and his squad were never here on a mission that didn’t happen.

The fact that things went to hell so badly that this kid and his unit got pulled into things going to make it a hell of a lot harder for the brass if (when) word gets out about this one.

“Landmines,” the kid echoes, hint of an accent to it – Boston maybe?

“Yeah,” Ryan says, mouth twisting. “My squad found them the hard way.”

The damn minefield wasn’t the start of things, but damn if it didn’t do just as much damage.

Killed Hopkins straight off, and enough blood to think Wilson was living on borrowed time. Kerrigan could still be out there, stubborn as anything, but he’ll be making his way to the extraction point with the package they came here to for.

There’s no route out of here that will get him there in time for a chopper ride out of here, not with how much is relying on that package getting home, so Ryan’s on his own here.

The kid hisses in sympathy, and Ryan looks away, tapping his fingers against his thigh as he thinks.

The mountains here play merry hell with communications, and the only road in or out twists its way though several villages and small towns. They might be able to get their hands on a vehicle, get somewhere safe they can call a chopper in, get the hell out of here.

Ryan looks at the kid as he realizes the direction his thoughts have gone. His own squad is fucked, which is something he’s deliberately not thinking about now, but this kid -

This kid’s squad is out there somewhere, but there’s enemy militia combing the area who tend to shoot first and ask questions never. Ryan doesn’t want to leave the kid here, but he doesn’t have time to stand around arguing with him if he’s determined to regroup with his squad.

“You have a plan?” the kid asks, looking to Ryan for answers as if Ryan knows what the fuck he’s doing.

“Follow the road. Steal a car. Get the hell out of here,” Ryan says succinctly, and shrugs at the look it gets him.

It’s not the best plan, but they’re short on options. There’s a route through the mountains, old hiking and game trails, but in the dark it’s all but a death sentence. A few miles to their east there’s a supply camp, but with the militia out there -

“We’re fucked, aren’t we?”

“Not necessarily,” Ryan hedges.

“Right,” the kid says with a resigned little laugh, “that’s real convincing, pal.”

Ryan cocks his head as the kid sticks his hand out, this look on his face that says he knows they’re probably going to die, but fuck it.

“Jeremy,” he says. “I’d say it’s a pleasure meeting you, but uh, you know.”

Ryan laughs, and shakes Jeremy’s hand.

“Ryan,” he says, “and yeah, I do.”

Their odds aren’t great, but things could be worse, so there’s that.

========

“I don’t buy it,” Gavin says, soot smudges on his face and this cut on his cheek from flying debris.

Ryan groans, ribs aching from the force of the explosion, and somehow manages to sit up, putting his back to the trunk of a fallen tree for support.

“Yeah?” he asks, smiling in spite of himself at the look on Gavin’s face.

Job’s done, and Jeremy and Michael are on their way to pick them up because someone - Ryan’s not going to name names (Gavin) - blew his car up.

Again.

Gavin makes his way over to Ryan and drops down with a groan, hesitating before he leans against him.

Ryan freezes for a moment before he realizes it’s pretty cold out and neither of them are exactly dressed for it. (Of course Gavin’s trying to steal his body heat like the clever little thief he is.)

He watches as Gavin stretches his legs out, hissing softly as he checks his ankle’s range of motion after that spill he took earlier.

“Yeah,” Gavin says with a quiet chuckle.

Ryan hums, putting an arm over Gavin’s shoulder when he presses closer, because because heat conservation or something along those lines.

========

Jeremy calls him a mother hen for this, but Ryan needs to make sure his body armor’s on right before they go out. Superstition or something else, Ryan doesn’t know or care.

Michael’s watching them from across the room, eyes tracking Jeremy as he heads over to talk to Gavin. (The whole reason Ryan’s so insistent on double-checking everyone’s body armor because he’s so...cavalier about wearing his own, and that worries Ryan.)

“Something wrong?” Ryan asks, moving to check Michael’s body armor.

After a brief altercation that Ryan refuses to call a slap fight Michael relents with moderate grace, and lets him check the straps, the way the armor lays.

Michael shrugs.

“You and Jeremy,” he says, making a vague gesture in their direction. “You work together before all this?”

Another job for Lester, and the four of them have worked together enough that genuine trust is starting to form between them. (Which is nice, because stealing a fucking SWAT truck isn’t going to be easy.)

“Occasionally,” Ryan says, wondering what brought this on. “I’ve worked with you before too, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Michael scowls at the deflection, before it morphs into a sly little smirk.

“Yeah,” Michael says, because he’s never going to let Ryan live that one time – one time – Ryan had wasn’t great at driving, “and you still cant drive for shit.”

========

Ryan’s been out on medical leave, but the team’s kept in the loop when it comes to gossip.

All the little scandals like the one involving who keeps eating other people's lunch out of the break room fridge. What idiot fell on their ass running the obstacle course doing something they shouldn’t have for a stupid bet. How McCallister wrecked a squad car he had no business driving because someone questioned his skill behind the wheel, which.

Wow, yeah, didn’t see that one coming.

The new sniper they brought in from Boston - Dooley? - to replace Hammond when he fucked up his shoulder helping his cousin move. (Hammond’s never going to live that one down, because who the hell does that?)

Ryan doesn’t see the guy at all until the third day he’s back at work, and when he does all he can think is that the rumors about him have to be true.

Dooley either managed to impress someone high up or has amazing blackmail material on same, because there’s no way he meets the height requirements to get into the police academy, land a spot on SWAT

To be fair though, people have done worse than having that bit of their records fudged or wearing shoes with lifts in them to make the height different less glaringly obvious in person for the job. (Watching him shoot, makes Ryan wonder if someone saw that and knew fudging his records was worth it.)

“Impressive, wouldn’t you say?” Carter asks, glint in her eye as Dooley trots over to the target examine the shot grouping, and she knows how Ryan gets.

“Rumors say he has a problem with heights?” Ryan says, because he knows how she gets.

Protective of her people, and if she called Ryan down here like this she wants a favor.

And true to form, Carter slides him a look, corner of her mouth ticking up just the slightest bit.

“Figured you’d be the best bet to help him out with that,” she says. “Theater kid right? Used to handle lighting?”

There are days Ryan regrets sharing that part of his life with his teammates, but seeing the bright smile on Dooley’s face as he heads over to them, he thinks it might not have been his worst mistake.

“I think I could figure something out,” he says, earnest little smile on his face when she shoots him a look.

“Just don’t break him, Haywood. He’s a good kid,” she mutters, as if Ryan would ever do something like that, heaven forbid.

========

Michael’s not wrong about being a better driver than Ryan. Whipping the SWAT van around tight corners and slinging it through narrow back streets with ease as they they evade the police chasing them.

Choppers in the sky, and it that would be a problem if Gavin and Jeremy didn’t have that angle covered. Black gunship lifting off a roof overhead as they pass by just as planned.

Michael sliding Ryan a grin at Gavin and Jeremy’s whoops of excitement over the comms as they smoothly drop into place behind the police choppers.

“Thought he had a fear of heights?” Michael asks, nearly putting the SWAT van on two wheels as he takes a sharp right, Ryan bracing himself against his door as he does.

Ryan smirks as the police choppers realize they’re being hunted, too slow to move out of the way in time as Jeremy opens fire.

“Give him something to shoot and he’s fine,” which is more or less the truth.

========

This job requires more finesse than the usual ones Lester sends them on. Has Ryan and Jeremy being fitted for tuxedos, which is new.

Gavin’s absolutely delighted watching as Jeremy holds still for the tailor as they scrutinize the fit of his tuxedo. Michael’s leaning against the wall looking highly unimpressed with Lester’s latest plan, and Ryan -

“Oh, you look lovely,” Gavin says as Ryan steps out of the changing room, tugging uselessly at his too-tight collar.

Ryan’s eyes narrow, but Gavin seems to be sincere. Circles around Ryan making these little noises of approval before stopping in front of Ryan again, gleam of amusement in his eyes.

“Not your first time wearing one of these?”

Ryan’s eyes cut to Jeremy who looks a little harried as the tailor and his assistant position him him this way and that.

“No.”

========

Officially, there’s no such thing as rival agencies when both parties work for the same government.

Unofficially -

“Jesus Christ,” Ryan mutters, shoulder aching where the other agent shot him.

Impressive aim with the clear intent to kill, and Ryan needs to have a talk with his superiors about what constitutes need to know information when he gets back.

If he gets back.

“Come on out,” the other agent calls, acoustics taking his words and twisting them, adding an eerie echo that sends a shill up Ryan’s spine. “I just want to have a little chat.”

Ryan’s bleeding through a tuxedo that costs more than he makes in a year. He’s trapped in the underbelly of the hotel an auction dealing in state secrets and being hunted by an agent from another agency. He thinks it’s fair to say that this is not his best day.

This was supposed to be an easy mission.

Get in, get the files and out again without being caught. The cover he’s using is an established one, reputation built up over the years, and well-respected in this community.

Trusted, even.

“No?” the other agent asks, sounding disappointed. “Guess that means I’ll just have to find you.”

Ryan’s got a bit of a reputation at the agency for being creepy when really it’s more that he has a knack for theatrics.

This agent, however, is making him reevaluate his fellow agent’s concerns because it’s amazingly unnerving.

The worst part is they’ve been manipulated into this position, someone looking to use them to further their agenda.

Setting them at cross-purposes, his handler had mused before Ryan lost contact with them.

Playing their agencies against one another and no way to tell who was in the right, or how high up any of it went. (Ryan and this other agent mere pawns in whatever game they’re playing, and it burns realizing how blind he’s been.)

Ryan’s earpiece is long gone, abandoned near the beginning of this little cat-and-mouse game, and it’s just him and his wits and whatever luck he has left to get him through this.

Ryan checks his weapons, and realizes he’s down to half a magazine and his last throwing knife. Regret for that foolish decision to leave his garrote in the agency drop box because he felt it wouldn’t be needed after all.

Hindsight and all that, he supposes, and pushes himself to his feet to finish this one way or another.

========

Gavin’s side-eyeing Ryan so hard he can’t help but laugh.

“Stop it, you’re bleeding you idiot,” he chides, but it’s tempered with this exasperated sort of fondness as he puts pressure on the gash along Ryan’s ribs.

His hands are cool, soothing, and Ryan relaxes into his touch.

He can hear Michael fussing over Jeremy a few feet away, snapping and snarling at him in worry. Jeremy deliberately provoking him every now and then because he’s an asshole.

Another of Lester’s jobs out of the way and a few more scars to add to their collection.

“Haywood,” Ryan says in an atrocious mockery of Gavin’s accent as he takes over the job of making sure he doesn’t bleed out on them. “Ryan Haywood.”

Gavin scowls at him, but it’s belied by the mirth in his eyes and gentle touch as he checks Ryan for other injuries.

========

“Hey,” Michael says, keeps his voice down so Jeremy won’t notice. (Won’t look over and know they’re talking about him.) “He going to be okay with this one?”

Jeremy’s tough, can take a hit better than any of them.

Used to throwing himself fist-first into a fight, wild grin on his face and a snarl behind his teeth. Worse than Michael, really, and he’s the one with the wolf on his back.

Know that doesn’t help when this latest job of Lester’s hits a little too close to home for comfort.

Someone setting up fight rings that don’t play by the rules Los Santos abides by when it comes to them. Doesn’t care if a fighter dies in the ring so long as they bring in a paying crowd beforehand.

Rumors that they’ve been forcing people into the ring, grabbing them off the streets and worse. No way to know how long it would have gone on if they hadn’t made the mistake of snatching one of Lester’s contacts and brought his attention to what’s been happening.

Jeremy volunteering to act as bait before any of them could say a damn thing because he knows his way around the fight rings, who else better? Stubborn set to his jaw and this look in his eyes that said he’d rather it was him than any of them.

The look of surprise on his face when Michael stepped forward to volunteer as well. (Eyes flicking to Jeremy and his, “What? You think you're the only one here who's gone into the ring? Get over yourself, asshole.”)

“Jeremy will be fine,” Ryan says, because this time he’s not alone. “You’ll be watching his back in there the whole time, right?”

Ryan’s needed elsewhere, much as it galls him, and none of them want Gavin anywhere near the fucking place. (He’s fast and agile, resourceful as hell, yes, but the people they put in the rings are goddamned vicious. Desperate and terrified and all the more dangerous for it.)

Michael looks to where Gavin’s talking to Jeremy. The two of them with their heads bent over Gavin’s laptop as they go over every step of the plan again, Jeremy pressing close to Gavin.

“You know,” Michael presses, worried and angry and scared because he’s never seen Jeremy like this. “About this.”

That -

“He’s got us,” Ryan says, because God help anyone who tries to hurt one of them now.

========

There are rules to the fighting rings in Los Santos, ones Ryan’s worked hard to keep in place.

Every so often though, someone thinks they can get creative. Think they’re being clever with their little loopholes. (That he won’t find out.)

His contacts tell him about some asshole with a ring on Elysian Island, close to one of Simeon’s operations.

When he goes down to check it out, he leaves the mask and face paint at home. Doesn’t want to spook the people behind it before he makes his move.

He finds a kid facing off against a behemoth of a man nearly twice his size.

The kid’s got blood on his teeth and a manic look in his eyes. Looks to be running on nothing but sheer will-power and he’s winning>.

Fights mean, dirty, and doesn’t give a fuck about it as he drops his opponent and turns to face the crowd, eyes landing on Ryan like he knows.

“You next?” the kid demands, bravado running high.

Ryan watches as the kid prowls closer to the chain link fencing meant more to protect the crowd from the fighters than keep them inside the ring.

The crowd around him is losing their minds at the challenge, voices yelling for blood merging to create a nightmare cacophony of sound.

The kid’s.

Ryan’s, if he accepts his challenge and steps into the ring.

Anyone but theirs.

Ryan looks around him. Sees the faces looking back with this horrible hunger in their eyes that sparks that steady burn of anger in his chest into a blaze as he rises to his feet to bring it all tumbling down around them.

========

“It didn’t happen like that, did it?” Michael asks, tired and hurting, and trusting Ryan not to hurt him as he cleans the blood off his face.

Ryan sighs, looking over to where Gavin has Jeremy. Quiet words and gentle hands, one curled lightly on the back of Jeremy’s neck to help ground him. Ryan picks up the tweezers to pick splinters out of Michael’s hands, jaw clenching at the choked off noise Jeremy makes as Gavin carefully enfolds him into a hug.

“No,” Ryan says, because he’s not infallible, and Los Santos is full of people worse than he could ever be. “But I wish it had.”

Maybe then he could have gotten Jeremy out of the fucking ring sooner.

========

Gavin’s on the good stuff, dopey grin on his face and a mess of uncoordinated limbs and messy hair and-

“If you aren’t careful you’re going to tear your stitches.”

- injuries.

Deliberate, intentional, and bound to scar. Ribs that have to hurt like a bitch, and this new fear of being left alone that makes Ryan want to break something.

Gavin makes a face, pulling the sleeve of his shirt up to look at the bandage on his arm, hitching his shoulder slightly because he’s got another one there too that limits his mobility.

He’s a mess, and Ryan doesn’t know why the hell Michael and Jeremy trusted him to keep him safe while they deal with thee fuckers who did this to him when he should be the one out there looking for them.

Michael knows Gavin the best out of the three of them, and Gavin’s always been comfortable around Jeremy. Ryan is -

“Ryan,” Gavin says suddenly. “Are you ever going to tell us how you and Jeremy met?”

Ryan makes the mistake of meeting his eyes, and while Gavin’s puppy-dog eyes aren’t nearly as effective as Jeremy’s or Michael’s, they’re not to underestimated.

“Gavin - “

Gavin needs to rest, sleep, and is fighting it with everything he has even with the painkillers working their magic, stubborn as always. Fragile look in his eyes, and God help him, Ryan understands.

He can see the moment Gavin realizes how close to giving in Ryan is, this little a-ha moment reflected in his eyes.

“I’m injured, Ryan,” he says, manipulative asshole that he is.

“Fine,” Ryan sighs, pulling Gavin’s sleeve down to cover the bandage because the heat’s being finicky and it’s cooler in the room than he’d like.

The last thing they need is for Gavin to get sick on top of everything else.

========

There’s a certain level of irony in Ryan going to a vet clinic when he can’t patch himself up. (There are rumors out there comparing him to a rabid animal that needs to be put down, and some days he even believes them.)

If Lindsay has opinions on the matter she never lets it show when he shows up on her doorstep. Just chatters at him about the weirdest things with steel in her eyes daring him to insist that no, he really doesn’t need stitches for that knife wound or a mild anesthetic while she removes the bullet in his thigh.

Certainly no need for a blood infusion after dragging his half-dead carcass to her clinic and texting her a sad smiley face to let her know he was around back.

“Okay, well you can just shut the fuck up right now, asshole.”

“Lindsay - “

The cops are probably still looking for Ryan, and while he appreciates her putting him back together again, he can’t stay here.

“Swear to God, I will neuter you right here and now if you try to tell me you’re fine,” Lindsay growls, sounding like she means every word.

Ryan blinks at her, stunned speechless.

Lindsay nods sharply and strides over to the door, opening it just enough to bark out an order for someone to bring her a blood bag.

“Nice,” Ryan mutters, shrinking back when Lindsay walks back over to him.

She crosses her arms and glares at him, and it would be more intimidating than it already is if he didn’t know her anger is born out of concern.

“Not to quibble,” Ryan quibbles, “but I don’t think whatever blood type you have on hand is compatible with mine.”

Ryan’s no expert, but science and all that. (Although he does remember reading something about pig blood a while back, so maybe - )

Lindsay arches an eyebrow at him, and with impeccable timing the door opens and someone walks inside.

“Ah, blood bag, you're here,” Lindsay says, not unlike an evil villain in a movie.

The guy sighs, like he’s talked with Lindsay about this before.

“We’ve talked about this before, Lindsay,” he says, faint thread of amusement in his voice. “You know how I feel about that.”

Lindsay gives him a delighted smile and gestures for the poor bastard to come closer for introductions.

“Vagabond, meet blood bag - “

The guy clears his throat pointedly, and Lindsay sighs as though he’s being completely unreasonable in this.

“Yes, yes, fine. Vagabond, meet Jeremy.”

There’s a pause, a look on Lindsay's face, and this long, tired sight from Jeremy because he knows what’s coming next.

“He’ll be your blood bag for the evening.”

...what.

Lindsay smiles beatifically at Ryan as though she’s not one of the most terrifying people Ryan’s ever met.

“Now be good and do what Jeremy tells you to do, or I’ll be back,” Lindsay warns as she turns to leave “And believe you me, buddy, but you do not want that to happen.

In the silence that falls after her exit, Ryan and Jeremy stare at each other, not really sure what to do now.

“Uh,” Ryan says, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Jeremy, though.

“Nice mask,” he says, like he’s complimenting Ryan on something completely normal.

“Thank you?” Ryan says, watching Jeremy gather medical supplies and God knows what else before moving over to roll up one of Ryan’s sleeves. “What the hell is going on?”

Jeremy shrugs as he swabs a patch of skin on he back of Ryan’s hand with a prep pad before inserting an IV needle.

“Universal donor,” he says, gesturing at himself, like he’s completely unbothered with this whole situation. “And I owe Lindsay for saving my life, so. Blood bag.”

That.

What.

Jeremy raises his eyebrows and looks around the room in which they are the only occupants like he’s checking to make sure no one’s looking. Checks again one last time and lifts the hem of his shirt to show Ryan the handle of the gun tucked in his waistband.

“I do crimes,” he says, grinning at Ryan. “This is just a side gig.”

Ryan still has no idea what’s going on, but he’s more terrified of Lindsay coming back and making good on her threat. (More of a promise with her, really.)

“Okay?” he says, watching Jeremy as he pulls up a seat beside him as he finishes setting up for the transfusion.

Easy, practice motions like he’s done this before and knows exactly what he’s doing, and then he looks at Ryan as the transfusion starts.

“So,” Jeremy says, waggling his eyebrows at Ryan with ridiculous smile on his face. “Come here often?”

========

Gavin buries his face against Ryan’s side, soft, helpless laughter squeaking past his lips.

“You’re a terrible liar,” he says. “Lindsay would never call Jeremy a blood bag. She’s too lovely for that.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at that because Lindsay is a terrible human being who absolutely would call Jeremy a blood bag, and they both know it.

========

“They’re going to figure it out one day,” Jeremy says, infinitely amused as they watch Michael tackle a squawking Gavin off the couch for some offense or other. “You do know that, right?”

Ryan shrugs, because he’s fairly certain Michael, at the very least has an inkling about the truth. All the things he and Jeremy have let slip in the past, but it’s just so fun fucking with them about it.

“Yeah,” Ryan says, popping open a can of diet soda and sitting back to see who’s going to win this tussle. “But it’s more fun this way.”

========

Ryan’s in line at the grocery store because even notorious criminals need to eat. It must be payday or something like it because there are several people ahead of him in line with full carts, the other lanes just as full.

Not ideal, but he’s in no rush at the moment with his latest job behind him and nothing lined up for a while.

He’s watching the woman at the register arguing with the cashier over an expired coupon when there's a clatter behind him and a panicked cry of “Oh shit, no!” before he feels a cart hit him.

When he turns, it’s to se a guy with a look of utter dismay on his face, apologies spilling out of his mouth as he wrestles his cart back under control.

“Oh my god,” he says, sounding mortified. “I’m so sorry, are you okay? I didn’t mean - “

Ryan misses whatever the poor guy is saying, because Ryan is busy staring at his face.

It’s a nice face.

A very nice face.

A very nice face Ryan is staring at like an idiot because he likes looking at it that much.

A very nice face Ryan is staring at like an idiot because he likes looking at it that much that is now frowning at him, and, oh, fuck, he’s being creepy about things again isn’t he?

“No, no,” Ryan says, remembers that smiling is a thing people do. “I’m fine, really. Just surprised me is all.”

The guy looks skeptical about that, but there’s something cautiously hopeful to it as he asks Ryan if he’s sure about that.

“I’m fine,” Ryan reassures him, even though his ankle stings like a bitch and he’s sure he’s going to have a bruise from the cart with how hard it hit him.

“Are you sure - “

“Ryan,” Ryan interrupts, holding his hand out because he’s an idiot and this poor guy has apologized more than enough for an accident. (Also his face and how much Ryan likes it.) “My name’s Ryan, what’s yours?”

Ryan’s secretly pleased he managed to get that out without flubbing, and almost misses the once-over the man gives him.

“Jeremy,” the guy says, hint of color on his cheeks as he realizes Ryan caught Jeremy checking him out. “Uh. Sorry?”

Ryan smiles, stupid bit of hope in his chest because maybe Jeremy likes his face too.

========

“I do,” Jeremy says, laughing like an idiot when Ryan looks at him, because he’s had a few drinks and working on another in a bid to catch up to Michael. “I like your face a lot, Ryan.”

Jeremy’s expression goes all goofy on him as Gavin’s voice reaches them, indignant only the way Michael can make him.

“I like their faces a lot too,” he says, stupid soft and far too damn honest.

“Yeah,” Ryan says, and stops to clear his throat because these idiots do that to him. “Same.”

Jeremy snorts, and Ryan reaches out to take his drink from him because he knows Jeremy’s itching to help Michael gang up on Gavin.

Jeremy beams at him, darting in to smack a loud kiss to Ryan’s cheek before stumbling over the others.

Ryan watches him, and then decides to borrows a page from Gavin’s book as pulls his phone out to record the disaster sure to come for posterity. (Definitely not for blackmail material.)

#Jeremwood #jeremavinwood #ragehapppy #Teeth Like Razor Blades #vagrant fic #Battle Buddies

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attickit · 6 years ago

Text

Conclusions of album listening to LY: ANSWER

The Idol MV:

uuuuuuuuuuuhm I preferred listening to IDOL on its own

MV is an acid trip

my eyes were attacked

Kim Tae Hyung thinks it’s funny to come for my heart again

go away you adorable strawberry cream lollipop boy

Jeon can fuck off just in general

Namjoon is fucking adorable and my heart melts for him so much

so much squealing

Hobi snapped his fingers and reminded me who I belonged to

(yes i know the 94z have me but you can’t blame me when Jeon and Kim Tae are up for a fight)

Jiminnie hyung, Jinnie hyung and Yoongi hyung, you are doing great sweetie

full album thoughts are under the cut.

The actual album:

I’m doing new songs and full versions of songs next to the remixes as well. (though i am not going to talk about mic drop cause we’ve heard that and we already had rock vibe Fake Love)

Euphoria

Jeon fuck off

Euphoria is just

oh. my. gods. apollo help me

that high note

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

Euphoria is like walking down to the old playground with your friend

old playground where you guys used to cause so much mischief

Euphoria will sit you down at the swing set and talk about those old days

and then this kid will take your hand and take you to more places where you used to play imagines with them

Trivia () : Just dance.

just dance can take me out and kiss me next to neon lights

they can take me into a club and prance me around the dance floor even though I don’t know how to dance

it’s almost like that best friend that became your lover

they’d like to take you to high class places too

maybe take you to a fashion runway before going to above mentioned club and then proceed to kiss you in the heat of the moment and laugh it off like no big deal

Serendipity (full track)

SERENDIPITY MY GIRL MY SWEETHEART HOW I MISSED YOU

YOU DECKED OUT THE NEW SKIRT AND SHOES I SEE

Always know that you can love me and always know that I love you okay?

we can go star gazing together under the canvas of the comfort night sky

we could sit and read books and enjoy each other’s company

hold hands as we walk the empty streets of the city only illuminated by the dim lights of the streetlight

I’ll listen to all your problems, love.

Trivia () : Love

CUUUUUUTE

Yes i know nammie you have my heart too

that alphabet bit “J-K-L-M-N-oh! P-QRST”

raspy tones!!!! save my heart please

just kinda wish there was more use of the backing brass

adorable boy next door that could be in a relationship with Answer

the fancy adorable boy next door to be more specified

they’ll treat you to many things just cause

(and it’s also because they have a crush on you)

they’ll confess with a whisper

Trivia (): Seesaw

seesaw has my heart

I WILL BE CONSTANTLY SCREAMING AT YOONGI

the soft singing is yes

seesaw can take me out to the beach for a walk

or like to a roller skating rink and hold hands with me as we skate

that older person in a relationship that kind of just wants to protect you all the time but doesnt cause you can handle it

but like still keeps an eye on you

SUUUPER understanding of everything that you tell them and will give you advice gently

Epiphany

HEY I GOT AN EXTRA 50 BUCKS.

SUCK IT KAI

gosh I love Jinnie hyung so much

Epiphany... oh god what do i even say

that one kid that broke up with you saying that they needed to find themselves on their own

no drama cause it was a mutual decision

you remain friends

and like meet up to talk about how you guys felt good finding things on your own and figuring out that you should love yourself well

there is a reminiscence of the old relationship but you guys feel like it was a good decision to separate ways

it’s all good

I’m fine

Well bitch IM NOT

upbeat is not even available for this

it’s an understatement

Im Fine is the kind of song that i want to cheer up but i dont have to

cause this kid got their shit together already

((also makes me want to sing on the cliffs in Scotland at certain parts))

this kid got their shit together and like all their problems can be solved pretty well

they’ll probably help you solve yours too if you are brave enough to ask them

a bit of an emo kid, a bit of a cool kid

Idol/Idol ft. Nicki

again i prefer listening to it on its own

its like a “bitch dont touch me”

also sounds like what you could blast at a soccer field

that might just be the whistles but still

idol is just telling me to get off my butt and get to moving

this one takes me to a soccer match and then the club and then to a traditional inspired club

basically throwing fun at my face as they drag me around

to be fairly honest, i cant remember anything about Nicki

sorry

Answer: Love Myself

gods it’s adorable and sweet

you cant help to bop your head

its like your girlfriend that’s in your school but is in the next class

you pass by the hallways with shy smiling

you guys have lunch dates with food that you made yourselves

high school sweetheart that everyone votes to be most successful

completely sweet and kind and caring

“You show me I have reasons I should love myself”

DNA Pedal 2 LA

good shit, good stuff, the motherload

bitch that guitar

fucker that drum

THE rock kid that takes you out to 90s rock concerts and gives you lollipops

THE biggest mood that I have

DNA will have you dance while you are at that rock mosh

#ramble ramble ramble #btsdrms #bts ly answer #an album talk with myself #gosh i have strong feelings about the new songs and full vers

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flakandforay · 7 years ago

Text

뱁새 Silver Spoon Analysis

this is the analysis for 뱁새 - the 6th track of bangtan’s 4th mini album, 화양연화 pt. 2

i will be analysing several components - music, lyrics and choreography.

disclaimer: this is just my personal opinion, feel free to disagree. do let me know your thoughts in my ask box

overall: talk about a really hyped song that could easily be on par or even overtake dope. the heavy bass and lit song is what we all need once in a while to let loose.

music: the song already starts off with some heavy bass and synths that are so intense - one could already sense that this song is going to be hardcore without any lyrics yet; it’s just how it is. for some reason, the synths kinda sound really creepy and this underlying muffled bass complements the whole beat. not to mention this creepy keyboard melody that just seals the deal. it’s a full 10 seconds worth of soaking in the beat and ive never felt so hyped for it. then at 0:10, here comes the impending crescendo percussion that would lead to the chorus.

the chorus drops already with namjoon and one could hear how there is doubling already to enhance the sound of the song especially songs like this where people could easily sing along to etc. not to mention how namjoon’s style of doing this chorus with his volume of the voice only complements the song even more. not to mention that short adlib of ‘whoo’ at 0:19 and that part before yoongi continues at 0:22-0:23 to hype up the chorus even more ( who knew one could hype the chorus even more than it should !!!! ) also i love how the impending percussion comes around to signal the end of the chorus as well.

then hoseok starts off with his rap at 0:35 with a more relaxed tone to complement the beat that is less intense now. yet even at hoseok’s rap, there’s a lot of adlibs as well inside such as at 0:42 and 0:46. then it transitions quickly to namjoon taking over at 0:47, but the way he raps here is more enunciated to go with the beat now and interestingly namjoon’s part can be seen as a link between the rap and the prechorus especially since it’ll be repeated later on. then this quick synth comes in at 0:57 to signal taehyung’s part for the prechorus.

interestingly this prechorus is not driven so much by the percussion but rather driven by the brasses and synth that gives it a unique sound together with how taehyung does his part slightly differently as well. then there’s this percussion rhythm at 1:03 that becomes quite important as signal markers throughout the song. there’s this quick line at 1:12 before taehyung continues his prechorus again but with a voice slightly lighter; yet it still sounds full because of jungkook doubling for him.

the song then quickly transitions to 1:21 with the vocal line but more on jimin and taehyung as their voices stand out more here. oh, and that riff at 1:30 by jungkook and jimin that leads into the chorus by hoseok this time round- yet keeping the same intensity as the first chorus as though it hadn’t even changed. unexpectedly, there is no synth or percussion that builds in the intensity unlike other songs where one could easily predict the drop but for this case, it seemed as though one would already know when the drop would happen honestly- really interesting if you asked me. namjoon then come back to take over the second part of the chorus and one could hear the more prominent creepy synths being used.

then it moves on to yoongi’s part at 1:55 with namjoon doing a bit of doubling as well. but here the beat is less intense again, pushing the emphasis this time round to the lyrics of yoongi much like hoseok earlier on. then at 2:05, there is that quick hype before it moves on to namjoon again being the link of the rap verses to the prechorus. interesting how namjoon has no actual rap verses here but rather does the links between the verses and the prechorus.

taehyung then comes in swiftly at 2:18 and talk about the use of brasses right here and it suits taehyung’s timbre of voice as well. not to mention the percussion inside is great as well and then short line at 2:29 before taehyung resumes again together with the creepy synth back again.

then there is this nice switch in which the bridge comes around with jungkook singing it at 2:42 and there’s his slight breakdown as well in the beat without the synth but more on percussion. then namjoon comes in at 2:48 with ‘you must be kidding me’ before taehyung comes in again at 2.51. interestingly at 3:06, one could hear jungkook singing this time round and taehyung doing the doubling for this one. then at 3:17 with jimin and seokjin wrapping it up with that nice riff at 3:27 before the last chorus comes in at 3:28.

the last chorus starts off with yoongi as he goes with the beat that is heavily driven on the percussion before at 3:38, the beat slightly changes as hoseok does this part with the beat being more focused on his voice rather than the beat. then the song ends with this synth from 3:49-3:51.

lyrics: okay so honestly i am in love with the lyrics because theres so many underlying nuances inside; it’s like a subtle diss.

but anyway, for some general information, 뱁새 = crow-tit is a type of bird that is found in Korea, it’s a really cute bird with long legs

but it also has another meaning which is ‘try-hard’; the meaning that bangtan is using for this song.

There's a phrase in Korean "뱁새가 황새 걸음을 걸으면 가랑이가 찢어진다", which means "if a crow-tit walks like a stork, it will break its legs." The meaning is that you’ll ruin yourself if you try to imitate someone better than you. ( Reference )

so this is the meaning that bangtan brought across, sort of dissing the older generation etc since many looked down on the current generation - the millennials

They call me 뱁새 욕봤지 이 세대

They call me a try-hard. Our generation has had it hard.

here namjoon already talks about how the current generation is already under pressure from the older generation by being different etc especially now with the different way of thinking and a lot of technology being infused in the current generation.

알바 가면 열정페이 학교 가면 선생님 상사들은 행패 언론에선 맨날 몇 포 세대

At my part time job, it’s “all for experience”.* At school, there’s the teachers. My superiors use violence. In the media they go on about “the generation that’s given up.”

i really love hoseok’s verse because it’s something that many of us can relate to. in korea, it is commonly known that this current generation are ones who give up too easily, similar to the strawberry generation where we are so called ‘easily-bruised’. really love how hoseok literally brought the fact that last time teachers used violence as punishment etc, last time the popular, hitting the hand with the ruler etc, but of course, now it’s different. love how he made comparisons that feels really nostalgic to me.

룰 바꿔 change change 황새들은 원해 원해 maintain 그렇게는 안 되지 BANG BANG 이건 정상이 아냐

Change the rules, change change. The ones who came before us want to, want to maintain. But we can’t do that, bang bang. This ain’t normal.

this verse by namjoon that could somehow be considered as a pre chorus or possibly a hook ( now that i think about it, the structure of this song is a bit different and is more repetitive )

namjoon brings up how we change the rules yet those in the older generations wants to keep them, clear polar opposites. he even talks about how the current generation cant do what we want and it’s abnormal.

아 노력노력 타령 좀 그만둬 아 오그라들어 내 두 손발도 아 노력 노력 아 노력 노력 아 노랗구나 싹수가 역시 황새!

Ah, stop going on about ‘effort’ and more ‘effort’. Ah it makes my hands and feet cringe. Ah, try harder, ah, try harder. Ah, you really don’t have a chance. As expected of the ones before us!

okay this pre chorus lyrics are amazing because look at this diss!!! literally bangtan talks about how the older generations mostly talk about putting in effort so much that the younger generations just gets annoyed, hence the ‘cringe’ line. yet the younger generations already know that they dont have a chance to stand out, hence the older generations could easily talk about effort.

(역시 황새야) 실망 안 시켜 (역시 황새야) 이름 값 하네 (역시 황새야) 다 해먹어라 (역시 황새야) 황새야

(As expected of them*), they meet your expectations. (As expected of them), they’ve earned their name. (As expected of them), they can just take it all. (As expected of them), those that came before us.

the ‘them’ here refers to the older generations, saying how being the older generations, they could say all this but they should have known that generations change.

난 뱁새다리 넌 황새다리 걔넨 말하지 ‘내 다린 백만 불짜리’ 내 게 짧은데 어찌 같은 종목 하니? They say ‘똑같은 초원이면 괜찮잖니!’ Never Never Never

I’ve got a crow-tit’s legs, and you have a stork’s legs. They all say their legs are worth a million bucks. My legs are shorter, so how do you expect me to keep up? They say it shouldn’t matter since we’re coming from the same place. Never, never, never.

in yoongi’s lyrics, he already makes the stark comparison in terms of their legs and already saying how the current generation is already at a disadvantage, though people say it shouldnt matter, but of course in reality, it does matter, some just have it better than others when they were born.

hence this line in the chorus, 금수저로 태어난 내 선생님 = My teachers were born with it all.

내 탓이라니 너 농담이지 공평하다니 oh are you crazy 이게 정의라니 you mu be kiddin’ me! You mu be kiddin’ me you you mu be kiddin’ me!

It’s my fault? You’re joking, right? This is fair? Oh, are you crazy? This is right? You must be kiddin’ me! You must be kiddin’ me, you you must be kiddin’ me!

then this bridge is the final mockery that bangtan has for them, more like subtle mockery because it is known that the older generation literally blames the younger generation for everything and making comparisons that aren't even having the same base to be compared. hence in reality, it is not fair to the younger generation.

but this line as well in the chorus, 황새 덕에 내 가랑인 탱탱 = thanks to those that came before us I’m spread too thin - in which they talk about how before the younger generation does anything, they are already pressured by the older generation etc.

i really love the witty lyrics that bangtan delivers here, truly remarkable, especially when seen in context as bangtan talks about the current problems of the youths.

Reference: Colour Coded ©

choreography: so the choreography was actually released on their 3rd muster 22920, in early Jan where the world of hip thrusts was introduced and we are all deceased ( let’s be real ), no one saw it coming, no one could even prepare themselves emotionally and mentally, let alone spiritually.

but anyway, i really like how this choreography is just really intense to go with the beat of the song and using hip thrusts to actually relay this out.

like these hip thrusts are even amplified in hoseok’s rap apart from the chorus ( why more?? )

but i love how this dance already starts off, talk about some big movements and when they all do it together, it is more pleasing to look at

love how bangtan does this move too in which they gather together in sync, for some reason it looks as though they are going to gang up on you with all these powerful moves, coupled with their facial expressions; talk about an impact to the audience

also, one could see that throughout this choreography, they found some spaces in between the song to actually just groove to the song without having to actually have full dance steps every step of the way ( for eg. in dope )

such as here

but what’s interesting is also the pre chorus where namjoon is getting it and showing his great leg proportions with everyone behind him, especially when he does this move when he raps a more elongated part ( if you know what i mean )

also, this iconic dance move that hoseok created ( the horse dance in 2014 during their promotions for war of hormone ) and to think they incorporated it in this dance in Jan 2016 !!! ( a legend !! ) a nostalgic dance move!!! somehow i guess hoseok was inspired by the iconic nae nae.

i really like how they included something to goof around ( a true trait of bangtan ) by even having them kinda hi-five their hands before they do the move, clearly seen by the maknae line

last thoughts: really love this hyped song because it never gets old despite it possibly being on repeat.

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

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picaresqve · 7 years ago

Note

You mentioned someone named Carver in the first story in your writing tag but haven't mentioned him since. Mind expanding on the character?

“Carver. I talk a lot about bein’ done and puttin’ thingsbehind me. ‘Bout puttin’ down my knife and all that blood. But if I ever seethat man again, I’ll fuckin’ skin ‘em alive for what he did to me and mine,mark my words. Still, if you’re asking me to talk about Carver that means you’reasking for me to talk about a lot of stuff that I don’t wanna. To you oranyone. It’s not easy memories to dredge back up and simmer. Spend most daystryin’ to think it never happened, if I’m being honest. But if you’re realabout wanting to hear, then you’re gonna be buyin’ me a few drinks tonight andyou’re not gonna stop until I tell you to.

“We clear? Good.

“First thing’s you gotta know, I guess, is that we hadhistory. See, I knew him long before I met Hadrian and Bosco. ‘Fore it was allof us, it was just me, Rami, and Carver and we wasn’t what one’d call a ‘family’like often times your canting crews like to call themselves. Thieves, knifemen,amusers, blackguards, they got this idea of family, that you’re all bound insomethin’ thicker than blood. But not us. Not then, at least. I mean, ‘ceptRami and I on account of us actually bein’ family, but we saw no relation withCarver, neither blood nor trade, and he kindly liked it that way, too. Morelike associates or partners that had to be for survival reasons and nothingelse. Carver was uh, what you’d call an interesting fella, had interestingideas about the way things worked. The world, its people, that kind of thing.Big ideas in a small, small man. Not small enough, though. Fearless, too. He’dbeen to jail a couple times from what I understood. When he was younger. Thatwas ‘fore he got principled. Before he got them ideas. Now? He’d diebefore he’d let anyone put him in a cell. Take every poor, stupid soul with himwho had a mind to, too.

“See, that’s something you need to understand about Carver: Carverwas mean. Not like a neighbourhood bully or even a debtor, may the divines tearthem apart. No, Carver was meaner than most men I met in the trade, save one,and I won’t talk about that one. I won’t do it. But Carver was the kind of folkwho got some pleasure out of breakin’ other folks. Makin’ ‘em look small. Smallas he felt. Now, he didn’t talk about family much, save his daddy, but I got amind to think his daddy’s where he got all that meanness from. Talked about thesonova bitch like he was the devil himself. Would always say: ‘I ain’t afraidof the devil, I seen that fucker die.’ Way Carver told it that old man of hiswould start to drinkin’ most every night just as he left the tannery and wouldn’tstop until he passed out. Most of them nights he’d beat Carver’s mom pretty bad,too, almost to death. First couple times he got it in his head to try and stophis dad? Well, he didn’t do that no more. Once he was a bit too rough and endedup killing the mom, the bastard. I’d do a lot to have my hands around his father’sneck if the gods were so kind, but I guess they ain’t too kind. It’s a shame ifyou ask me. I’m not makin’ no excuses for that bastard, nor will I if I evercatch him, but you gotta wonder what Carver’d’ve been like if his circumstanceshad been different. I think that about a lot of folks in the trade.

“But so anyways, then Bosco and Hadrian come along, or wecome along to them, depending on how you tell it, and the whole dynamic shifts.We four were thick as they come. True rogues, sentimental folks’d say. Whichdidn’t bother Carver none, of course, he didn’t care if we was suckin’ eachother’s peckers, so long as he didn’t get factored into it, and that worked forall of us just fine too. Another drink. But that also meant that hewas the weak link, and the quickest to break in the trust-department. We had afew, good years all together before that happened, though, and I guess I’mkindly grateful for that. Still reckon they was some of the best years of mylife. I mean, we were still robbing and conning and drugging ourselves black,but it’s a marked improvement when you got folks you actually like doin’ itwith.

“But then, a few years back, it walked into my grave, littlehead to do somethin’ different. We got approached eventually by this company ofstarry-eyed, like, rebels? Yeah, in Ul’dah. Rebels, what a joke. Don’t know anyprofession in the whole damned desert more deadly than bein’ a dreamer. And theseguys had their heads all up in the clouds. Talking about stopping the Ul’dahnwheel and breaking the lords and the ladies. Casting off the yoke. Giving backto the people. You know, that kind of rhetoric you get with people who aretired, but not damned tired enough for their own good. I don’t right know whatI was thinking, honestly, when I said yes. I think I just wanted to dosomething that mattered. To feel like somethin’ had meanin’. Might’ve beendrunk, I don’t know, I wish I could tell you. Might set my mind at ease. There we were, though, just a band of poor fools who knew not what they weredoing and had had a pretty good run thus far and thought: well, if our luck’sthis way, why not? We got cocky. Or I got cocky, and the rest just followed.

“Except Carver. Carver told us straight from the get-go thathe didn’t like that. Oh no, he didn’t like that at all, but you know what hedid like? An opportunity. Tellin’ him was the worst mistake I made in my life.Wish I had just went my separate ways without so much as a ‘good-bye and seeyou later and hope it don’t hit you on the way’ kind of thing, because it’s notlike he was family, but I guess I wasn’t thinkin’ straight. So I tell’s him andhe tells all of us where we can go and he laughs and just leaves. Shot ofwhiskey.

“…”

“Anyways, where was I? Rebels. Opportunity, uh. Oh. Solike, he laughs and walks out and we’re kindly relieved pretty much just asthe door shuts like this whole weight disappears. It felt good. Course, we didn’tknow it then, but that’s when everything started to go bad. The higher you get,the further you fall. Gods, things I would have done differently if I knew thenwhat I know now, but life’s always had this way of sneaking those kinds ofthings up on you. Don’t seem right. Don’t seem fair. I’ll kill Carver, though,mark my words. If that stain yet draws breath. I’ll do it.

“…”

“Sorry, I was just, you know, thinking about stuff. Yeah,yeah I’m alright. Things get fuzzy at this point. We go out the next day,business as usual, haven’t had them rebels contact us yet, said it would be afew days, a think. Maybe a week. Course, we never got back to the house onaccount of some fella who owed me something waylaid us in the street,urgent-like. Said we couldn’t go back to our hole. Said Brass Blades had beenall over it, tearing it apart serious-like. Crawling through the whole lane,knocking on folks’ doors, asking about us. That kind of thing. Brass Bladesdon’t kick up such a fuss over a few sneakthieves so’s it became readily clearto all of us that we’d been fingered out. We knew we had to get out, but Boscowasn’t with us. Fella said they already got him when they busted down the door.Said they had him in iron already and down in the dungeons. It’d been a longtime since I’d felt so powerless. The facts were as they were, though: theUl’dahn dungeon wasn’t some horse-shit jailhouse on the frontier. They had himfor good. Would come out after everything blew over that they’d tortured Boscoand left him to bake in the sun on a rack a few days later. Screaming all day,I’d been told, until his heart finally gave. No one’s got business going thatway. There’s crimes against your fellow man, but then there’s crimes againstyour own soul. Breaks you as much as them. May the gods tear them apart. Send adevil on their children.

“I’m getting off track. Point being, I guess, is that weleft that day, within the hour, with heavy and broken hearts. Had a safe housein a little town on the borderlands. Stole a couple birds and ran for thehorizon, but the horizon never came. The Blades’d been waiting for us to split.We grabbed the birds all right and started ploughing down the desert, but…didn’t help much. We rode hard but they rode harder. Hadrian fell before theday was up, which I guess kindly slowed the fellas down, on account of they hadto figure out what to do with him. I guess they decided the only rational thingto do was to… to mutilate him. Like for fuck sake, how folks get so wrong? Idon’t understand it. He didn’t deserve it. This is a bloody, gods-damnedcountry. Bloods all it knows and it’s all it’ll have. It’s all it deserves andI reckon the only thing to do for it is to just drown the whole thing in all ofit and when it heaves over their heads and washes away, just start over fromscratch. There ain’t no fixin’ this country. I’ll start thanking the twelve andwhatever else there is out there that dictates things when that happens.

“…”

Rain fire on the whole goddamn city. Drag ‘em. Drag ‘em fromtheir homes, scalp them living or dead. Carve out their eyes, just likeHadrian’s. Their tongues. Let them roast in the sun like Bosco. Flay ‘em,s—what? Am I alright? No. No, I ain’t, but you keep the whiskey coming and I’llstay manageable. No, my friend, you don’t get to back out now. Another shot.

“…”

“There we go. Yeah, I’m going to finish it and you won’tlike this next part or me by the end of it but you’ve opened a door. Let mefinish.

“Anyways, they sent a couple others on ahead to catch uswhile they were doin’ their, you know, their thing with my friend. They got separated along the way and Rami and I caught the first by surprisethe next day when he come around a bend. Made quick work of him, but not beforehe told us what they’d been doing with Hadrian back there. Course, all thatmeant was I had different ideas for the second one. She’d just come around thesame bend when her chocobo crashed over a rope line we’d set up and sent herflying from her saddle. The bird ended up all mangled. Broken legs and acracked skull. She landed fine enough, but the way she was breathing youcould tell her ribs were busted up pretty bad. When I came at her she wasmostly limp, started asking me real desperate-like to let her go home, that shehad a husband and a couple little ones, so I busted out her teeth. Not in onepunch. I don’t know how many times I hit her, kind of lost track of myselfthere for a second, but by the end of it she was just sort of gasping andgurgling on and spitting up blood. Held her up so she wouldn’t choke on it.There was a lot of yowlin’ and sobbin’. Most nights I see that face in mydreams. I’ll never atone, nor do I think I deserve it. Yeah. Yeah.’ But so, Ididn’t have to do much else after that because she knew I meant business. Toldme exactly what I needed to know. Told me what I had already figured by thatpoint: Carver had sold us out.

“She never returned home to her family, though. I emptiedher guts out. When I hold a knife I can still feel the shockwaves in my hand. Badstuff, that, but by the time I was done, her gut wasn’t even much of a gut,more like mush. And, of course, Rami had seen the whole thing. She might’ve screamedfor me to stop during the teeth bit or during the stabbing, but I can’tremember, but when I saw her she looked… empty. Like she was seeing through me.Seeing the other person that I had been before this whole thing happened.

“Rest of the ride to the safehouse’d been a quiet one. Oncewe got there we rested up for a day, and while she was sleeping, I left mygoodbye there in a letter and that was that. Stepped out of the house andhaven’t seen her since. Didn’t want her to get any more involved in all thisthan she already was. Plus, figured we’d have better chances if we weren’ttogether.

“This is where the bit about Carver and I havin’ historycomes in. I knew all his little dives and hidey-holes. At the time, I could followthat man for a thousand years and never lose his scent, and I didn’t. Trackedhim to this small town out in the absolute black. Called Castor’s Promise, bythe look of what was left of the sign. Reminded me of those towns you come bynow and again that seem to spring up out of nowhere around a church, thoughthis one didn’t do no springing. There was just the church and, oh, maybe threeor four houses. Think it was four. Maybe three and a store. Store-hopeful.Anyways, it’d been deserted probably for years by then and the buildings wereall falling to pieces, even most of the church. Maybe a prophet had led ‘em outto this place to see the face of God and maybe they did. See the face of God,that is, because they’d all seemed to die quiet, like in some communalfever-dream that took the whole town. Most of them in their beds or chairs.Probably starved.

“Right, so that’s where it went down, though. He shot me, Istabbed him. Stabbed him twice. In the church. We just kind of stumbled aroundafter that, sat in the pews and just kind of stared into the nothingness for awhile. We knew this was it, I think. This was what we had earned: each other. Ithink we both figured we deserved one another and to die next to one another. Poetic,I might have said. Some days I feel a lot like Carver. Like maybe that’s why Ihated him so much, even before he’d went and done what he did. Maybe I saw someugly parts of me in him that I couldn’t be shed of, however hard I tried.Wonder sometimes what Carver’d’ve thought about that. Hm.

“I guess at some point, when I wascoming in and out of darkness, I think, I mean I reckon, I heard him leave. Wetsounds like blood. Still not sure if he yet lives, but I haven’t seen himsince. I closed my eyes that day and expected that it was the last and whendarkness took me, I was ready.

“But then I woke up.

“Where? Oh. Well, that’s a story for another time.”

#ffxiv #ff14 #balmung #miqo'te #seeker of the sun #writing #prompt #cw: violence #cw: crude language #omg someone who read that and wanted to ask about him #thank you so much ;-;#it is the best thank you #also i think i referenced him once after that #in either the phobia or uneasiness prompt answer #small reference tho

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axelsagewrites · 7 years ago

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Alec Lightwood*What are you hiding?

Requested:Hi can I have an Alec x reader imagine with 2, 15, 22, 32, 80, 84 where they get into a bad argument but make up and fluff? Thank you!

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Prompt list HERE

2. "What are you hiding?"

15. "Don't cry, please."

22. "Do you regret us?"

32. "Don't touch me!"

80. "We need to talk"

84. "Are you kidding me?! We aren't 'fine'"

Alec had been being secretive and you didn't know why. Normally he was back at your shared room at the institute by 11pm. Yeah he was late sometimes but normally he would text. Even if he forgot you could ask someone and they would know like if he was on a mission or working. Now he was coming back while you slept so you would wake up to see him.

The only time you got to spend quality time with him was on a Thursday, your shared off day. It was now Thursday and you woke up late, 11 am, to an empty bed. Strange, you thought. You phoned him but he didn't pick up. You asked around and apparently he had left that morning not saying a word. You didn't want to track him but decided if he wasn't back or responding by 2pm you would.

2pm rolled round and no text, call or his return. You huffed in annoyance before storming to your shared room, if you could call it that. You grabbed one of his arrow heads that you gave him as a gift. It was made of brass and had ornate carving’s on it. It was in a set you gave him. All of them different materials; this decorative one to sleek fighting ones. You looked it over thinking of when you gave it to him for his birthday. His smile, his laugh, the look in his eyes.

A tear slid down your cheek and when you realised it you whipped it away harshly and stormed out the room. You gripped the arrowhead hard, grateful it was blunt since it was decorative. As you walked, basically ran, you bumped into Izzy. “Hey, you okay?”

“Once I find him.” You lifted the arrowhead and she said ‘oh’ and looked away for a second.

She looked back with a hard look. “Rip him a new one.” I nodded and continued. I started my tracking and started my search.

Your pov

I found him at an old shabby bar and food place with a sigh reading ‘Tammy Ducks’. I walked in and he was sitting in a booth on his phone eating fries. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings and their wasn't much going on any way. A couple eating some crappy food with a couple beer bottles, an old man on his laptop and a hipster on his type writer. Their was a run down bar and a counter with menus and a window that went into the kitchen. All in all it may look nice if it wasn't so old.

The man behind the counter, no older than 24, looked up as I entered. He had a scar going from his temple to mid neck. Werewolf. He smiled kindly and asked. “Need anything, misses/mister?”

“Not right now thanks.” I gave him a tight smile then looked to Alec, my glare hardening. The man saw and gave a nod.

As I walked up to Alec he didn't seem phased. Then I saw the wires dangling from his ears, earphones. I pulled his fries back as he reached for one. He looked up and saw me then took out his headphones. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

I gave a flat laugh. “No ‘hi how are you?’ no ‘I missed you babe’. Really?” I didn't wait for an answer. “We need to talk.”

“Its fine (y/n), were fine.”

“Are you kidding me?! We aren't 'fine'" I looked around after my small out burst. The couple looked away, the hipster sighed, the old man looked shamelessly and the man behind the counter gave a sympathetic smile. “Outside. Now.”

He sighed before coming out the booth we walked outside and nodded to the guy. Alec went up to the counter and flung some money on it before walking outside. Once we were outside we went to the side alley for privacy. “Talk.”

“What are you talking about?” Alec looked away as he said it.

I got straight to the point. “What are you hiding?”

He sighed aggressively. “Nothing.”

“Oh really.” He nodded, clearly annoyed.

“Do you regret us? Cause you never seem to want to be around me.”

His head snapped up. “No.” He looked around and sighed. “Look, I just wanted a break. Every free second I have you want to spend it with me. Me and Jace cant hang out by ourselves most of the time. I don't get a moment of peace and you always texts me. Cant I have one second with you not tracking my every move!”

Tears formed from my rage. “Yeah? Well maybe I’m so damn clingy because I’m worried. Did you think of that?” I talked harshly and quickly, emotions getting the best of me. “Are jobs are so dangerous I don't know if you’ll come home. I never no if its the last time I'll see you. God Alec don't you see, im just worried about you?” I ran a hand through my hair. “I want to spend time with you because I don't know how much we have. I don't know if we’ll die in battle or a mission gone wrong. I might die in your arms or the other way round tomorrow. I’m not gonna apologise for being worried!”

His head was down as I talked. He swallowed hard. “I’m just so damn worried and want to spend whatever time we have left. You could die tomorrow.” Tears began to pour down my face though I made no sound. Tears are a weakness in our line of work so you learned to be quiet.

“Don't cry, please.” I didn't stop. I wrapped my arms round me and looked down.

He reached out to grab my arm. “Don't touch me!”

He sighed. “I’m sorry. I just,” he paused. “every thing was piling up on me. I just had to breathe and I blamed you. Im sorry.” We stayed in silence.

After a few moments of silence he spoke again. “Your right. One of us could die tomorrow so I don't want to fight. Not if I might not see you for much longer.” Tears still trickled down my face and I still couldn't look in his eyes. “I want to be with you. I want to see your smile, your bed head, your happiness. And I want to be their when your sad, help you get through things and make sure you feel good.” He walked closer as he talked. He wrapped his arms round me. “And if I can, I want to grow old with you. I want to have a family with you and grow old together, however unlikely for us. I want to protect you to my dying breathe even if I know you can easily kick butt.”

I laugh slightly at his end bit. I finally wrapped my arms round him too. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.” I closed my eyes and we stood like that for a few moments. I pulled away and he whipped away my drying tears. “If you feel like everything is piling up talk to me. We’ll work something out and you can vent if you want.” He ran his thumb over my cheek bone.

“I will. I don't want a break. I just sometimes need alone time.”

“We’ll work something out. You and Jace can have a boys night or day or whatever instead. Im sure I'll manage without you, just keep me in the loop.”

He nodded. “But can we spend today together?”

“I’ll bite. Lets go try that crappy food in there.”

He laughed and pulled away but grabbed my hand. “Its not that bad actually.” I raised my eyebrow at him. I saw it, it didn't look great. “I swear. Tom’s a good, no great, cook.”

As we were walking in I asked. “Tom? You replacing me?” I said jokingly.

Tom, behind the counter looked up. “I tried lass/laddie. He wont take me up on it.” He joked. Me and Alec both laughed.

“What, you’re a regular?” He nodded.

We walked towards the booth. “The hipster over there is Sam.” They raised their hand. Alec pointed to the old man with the laptop. “That’s Terrie. He’s playing some game.”

“World of war craft today.” Terrie interjected.

“That thing.” Alec shrugged. “And with them,” he pointed at the couple. “the girl with the black hair is Sarah and that other girls her date. Not a regular but maybe.” The two girls gave a small wave. “And their you have the ‘Tammy ducks’ weekday regulars.” He lifted his arms as if presenting a grand prize and I laughed.

We laughed and sat down in his both. Tom came over and took our orders, Alec ordering for me. We had our first date in a while there and many more. Alec went their by himself sometimes and other times he brought me. We could detach from the shadow world, even Jace because of the name. We got better at communicating too. That was also the place where Alec would propose 5 years later. Good old Tammy ducks; home to our first proper fight and our best memories.

#shadowhunters #shadowhunter imagine #shadowhunters imagine #shadowhunter preference #shadowhunters one shot #alec lightwood #alec lightwood imagine #alec lightwood x reader

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allinsgaywitchaesthetic-moved · 8 years ago

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literally no one asked for this and i was bored so heres monsta x as a jazz combo under the cut

shownu

sax player, brass/winds leader

plays every single saxophone known to man + clarinet, flute, and p much every other wind instrument ?? like how?????

hes amazing thats how

so so so dedicated but like

where kihyun is like …. aggressively dedicated shownu is more relaxed abt it

like kihyun plays more but shownu listens more and analyzes more sort of??

thats why hes the leader

has a very good understanding of different styles and how to break them down

just perceptive musically

also really good at imitating specific styles

always has extra valve oil and grease and strings and sticks in his bag it’s ridiculous the thing probably weighs like 30 pounds

he doesn’t really have a specific music taste?? like hes just not picky

also too compliant for his own good …

minhyuk showed up at rehearsal once like “shownu, lets play death metal!!” and shownu was just like “ok sounds good”

also doesn’t really like to be super assertive so he’ll usually suggest articulations and phrasings rather than saying “tongue this note and slur that”

everyone listens to him anyways tho because he’s right

not really tonally or rhythmically inclined tbh hes just good all around

hes really flexible stylistically and likes to play in lots of different styles

loves bob florence, john coltrane, ellington, but will listen to everything

likes to challenge himself w rhythms bc hes pretty good at them!!

he gets really anxious before performances tho and it definitely reflects in his playing :(

kihyun

trumpet!!! lead trumpet!!!!

his sound is really sharp (like cutting? almost) and strong and honestly??? the most beautiful thing uve ever heard

probably a prodigy tbh

he isnt leader tho like just bc he plays the ~visually most important~ instrument doesn’t mean hes in charge lol

always attentive, has like 3 pencils on him at all times, records rehearsals, Model Musician tbh

tonally inclined

eats, drinks, and breathes long tones

can’t sleep?? long tones

hungry?? long tones

bored?? long tones

i.m: hey kihyun whats the answer for question 11?

kihyun: long tones, changkyun. the answer is always long tones

i.m, in the background: im a guitarist????

his range is ridiculous bc of this

loves ballads!!! especially basie ballads like little darling bc he can just … drag out his beautiful sound like theres no tomorrow

probably doesn’t like a lot of contemporary jazz but plays it to challenge himself

also loves thad jones, miles davis, jalc (modern groups playing old jazz make him happy!!) and jazz vocalists - frank sinatra, cecile mclorin savant, etc.

biggest weakness is probably the fact that he doesn’t listen as much as he should so he doesn’t always grasp style well :(

shownu: kihyun listen to this recording!

kihyun: i can’t ,, im playing rn .. ., gotta go fast

minhyuk

hes a trombone player and no one can tell me other wise

this is bc trombones are the worst and so is minhyuk

shownu: alright everyone lets start at measure 39

minhyuk: *slides around on the trombone* how about i solo for 30 measures instead

never fuckingf listens

but hes not a bad player!! hes just .. an unstoppable force of nature .. .,

his sound is really warm and broad but occasionally sounds a little muffled

esp when hes lazy or doesn’t like the piece theyre working on

tbh don’t even expect him to try if he doesnt like the music ur playing

tonally inclined

hates long tones, has never done them in his life probably??

bc of that his range isn’t super big but his sound is really strong and powerful

kihyun works w him on long tones bc ‘minhyuk!!! ur range is holding us back,, please!!’

prefers up tempo funk or latin tunes but doesn’t like super complicated rhythms

loves gordon goodwin and the brecker brothers to bits …

will blast them while showering :)

really impatient as a musician

like he cant focus for super long periods of time and he cant sit through all of those long rehearsals so his playing suffers bc of that

he practices better in small groups than alone bc the other members help him focus better so he gets more done~

i.m

guitarist

hes the only guitarist u will ever meet who shows up on time to rehearsal… amazing

its rlly relaxing to watch him play hes just really confident n comfortable w his style of playing bc hes p flexible and he loves jazz a lot bc its so different and complicated as a genre!!!

has read every single jazz autobiography and watched every single jazz movie known to man

rhythmically inclined

he, hyungwon, and jooheon just .. have rhythm clapping competitions where they see who can clap the most complicated rhythms for the longest amount of time …. theyre a trip

plays clappingmusic on his phone when hes bored and has converted the entire band to it

fuckin loves free jazz and fusion!!!! and contemporary jazz

he, hyungwon, and jooheon just hang out listening to ornette coleman, charles mingus, chick corea - its a great time

(hyungwon hates ornette coleman but he wont tell changkyun bc he doesn’t want to break his heart :( )

hes a sucker for like .. old romantic sounding jazz

he plays through his real book every couple of days- he really loves the classics too

loves wes montgomery

hes the bands treasure; you make fun of a lick he played?? u wont see the light of day . …

his biggest weakness is he has troubles communicating with the other group members like w eye contact and tempo changes and stuff

also gets lost in the middle of pieces sometimes bc hes a little spacey n he worries :(

wonho

pianist, rhythm section leader

naturally bouncy style, very swingy - he’s a natural, also possibly a prodigy?

won a bunch of classical music competitions when he was a kid but then he realized he liked jazz more so he switched over

the biggest jazz history nerd!! just knows a lot of random facts about all the composers

favorite facts include: billy strayhorn was gay and mingus punched his lead bone player in the mouth (hyungwons response ‘youre next minhyuk’ always makes him laugh)

buys food for everyone before rehearsal

always trying to help everyone become more confident and happy with their own musical abilities

helps everyone rehearse by doing 1-on-1 stuff if they need it

probably plays in elderly homes and in orphanages to help the kids

also not really rhythmically/tonally inclined hes just good

rlly likes jazz-inspired classical music and like … jazz movie soundtracks

watches jazz movies with changkyun

also likes ragtime, second line, dixieland … all those old exciting jazz movements bc theyre so fun to play!!!

he isn’t very confident in his playing like he knows hes good but he doubts himself a lot so he lets other people’s preferences control him??

like if someone doesn’t like something abt a solo of his he’ll change to appease them, even if he likes it a lot :(

hyungwon

bassist

plays both upright and electric

really smooth long sound on both instruments - his entire style feels very relaxed

honestly was dragged into this by minhyuk without knowing what jazz really was but he really grew to like it!!

loves his role as a bassist bc hes important but like … behind the scenes important >:)

most people don’t think abt the bassist at all in the band but hyungwon Knows that hes important so hes ok w that

definitely doesn’t know how to work his own equipment like

quarter inches?? amp head??? what r those he just doesn’t know

he and jooheon always argue about the best way to do a fill and tempo and anything else under the sun bc theyre both stubborn and think theyre right

wonho is the only one that can make it stop

hyungwon probably shows up late to rehearsal w like … cup ramen and a book someone help him

the book is a jazz autobiography and he discusses it w changkyun after rehearsal over coffee

hes rhythmically inclined and loves to challenge himself w odd meters and weird fingerings

he doesn’t necessarily like that kind of music though?? like hell play it to challenge himself but he won’t always like it and won’t really listen to it

loves every single bassist known to man

esp victor wooten, mingus, esperanza spalding, ron carter

he hates jaco tho bc jaco is an asshole

minhyuk: but mingus was also an asshole??

hyungwon: shhhhhhh mingus was a special kind of asshole so its ok

will honestly just listen to entire bass concerts

loves cool jazz and bebop

hes really … absorbed in his own playing because he throws himself into it and wants his walking to be good and he wants to be in time and all these other things so when hes playing he sometimes ignores the rest of the group bc hes trying so hard to sound good

hes a lil bit of a worrier internally and its gets in the way of the confidence of his playing

also procrastinates on his deadlines like theres no tomorrow lol

jooheon

drummer!!!!

carries at least 3 pairs of sticks, brushes, and a practice pad with him at all times

he??? drums in the bath room sometimes????? you’ll just walk by and hear vague slapping noises like ‘oh thats just jooheon! hes working on his rudiments’ :)

one of those 3 pairs of drumsticks is broken and taped together so that it doesn’t fall apart tbh

wants to bring back jazz rap

also rlly likes electroswing and jazz trap

just give him jazz thats influenced by new technologies in music !! he loves it

rhythmically inclined - especially likes playing in odd meters

his fills and hits are always so in-time it’s ridiculous

loves don ellis and buddy rich

his jazz playlist is 50% all of the standard jazz he needs and the other 50% is like thess tracks from single composers that have been dead 20 years w no meter or are in like 17/8 or something

jokes abt having 'perfect click’ all the time like

jooheon: you know perfect pitch??? ive got perfect tempo ;)))

hyungwon: jooheon shut up, you rush all of your fills

sets up pranks w minhyuk before rehearsal starts so that its 'more fun’ because jazz is 'all about rebellion against the status quo’ like ok

he worries a lot bc he feels like he needs to carry the entire band on his shoulders bc he’s a drummer and therefore The Most Important

but then everyone always says “but we’re all drummers!” and he feels a little better abt it

probably cries after every performance

#MONSTA X #i .... literally can t believe i actually wrote this this is so embarassing #noah fence but monsta x + jazz = insert heart emojis here bc im not on mobile #my two favorite things in the world . . .#anway #L.txt

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glopratchet · 4 years ago

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Cost of Doing Business

Perfect beeing here." You say and start to walk towards the door. "Wait! I don't want you going anywhere without me! Don't just leave me alone like this! Please, I know we haven't been close for a long time but…I love you Suzy! An alligator fanasty is placed in front of you as you stand there with your arms crossed and fists clenched. "Well? What are you waiting for?" The voice calls out from behind the door. "Come on then, let's get out of these clothes." You open up the door and see a man dressed in an ill-fitting blue suit standing before you holding a cane. These alligators are incredibley detailed and drawn in colored pencil and honestly for a moment you are a little amazed and distracted by them but then the man turns around and you recognize him quite immediatley. It's your Dad. "Dad?!" You gasp. "Yeah, sweetie? You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." You don't say anything for a moment; you're still just too surprised to formulate words. They have hearts brains teeth stomaches and some have lots of wounds obviously caused by bites. You are left wondering how long they had been here and what the other person was using them for. Perhaps practice? "Well, I asked you a question sweetheart. Are you okay?" Your Dad asks again touching his hand to your forehead. "Yes...I'm fine...it's just....you look different..." You manage to answer. "Oh, uh that...I've lost a lot of weight..." Gators love two things besides eating. One is basking in the sun and the otber is...have you guessed it yet? Fighting and gossiping with other alligators. Keep this up and they become loopy. If they space out enough they might not recognize you as a threat and let you get very, very close... Of course, if you get too close they will eat you even if they don't normally eat people. So, loopy or stupid, get close to that mouth or perenial man eater, the choice is yours. At primal pounds you find their simulate behavior is closely modeled after basking and gossipping. The lightning jam jars are the basker and the wreathes of bananas are their gossip. Here's a quick key for the rest: The 'E!' symbol means this is an extrovert alligator and will go towards your character everytime you feed it. If it ever reaches you then you lose. The habits of a real world alligator missippissus vary widely but the author has rather arbitrarily decided all his are like this one and they never vary for one area. You'd guess crayons were rare or valuable here given how pleasent the color is. You can only imagine what the rest of the swamp is like. Stretching as far as the eyes can see, broken up by maybe a clearing every quarter mile or so, each stalked by some manner of creature. They come in many different sizes, ages, shapes, sexes and shades. the like to eat, sleep, dream, and spawn. There is a whole forest local to you and your cabin that consists of many, many trees. Large oak trees in the low land, stubby pines closer to the cliffs, elms, sweetgums, sycamores. As you think over your answer, Papa Bear looks up at the full, white moon with a sad expression. "I know it's a lot to take in," says Papa Bear. Mama Bear nods her head in agreeance. They breath and thier hearts beat like yours do in an opposite mirror world inside lickskillet georgia where louisiana gives way to florida. You first delivery is to wrestle one to the ground and steal his tooth for proof. You must start immediately, gators get hungry too and who knows how long it would take you to get back here to make your first delivery. Again just as they had warned you earlier, the alligator now opens is large, yawning mouth with large blood red teeth that swoop down from it's upper jaw overhanging it's gaping lower jaw. Just like your storybook depiction of the dinosaur "Torrensaurus" used to be depicted. Wrestling an alligator to the ground seems reckless and dangerous. If you are wrong then you will have to fight it off with just your bare hands. This is where Your book comes in handy. Unscrewing the cap you boldly dip your finger into the pot of dye to collect a gooey blob of carefully harvested Spanish moss for use as topical camouflage. Distance to gator (8 feet). speed of gator (3 feet/second). Time Available (15 seconds). 1. What is your descision, Ninja? You ready your pencil. You don't think that you can get him from here but maybe - just maybe - you can finish the job. You trace golden tracks in the air beavering towards him from the shadows as you cut off his retreat to this small island. Angle of gator's jaw (60 degrees upwards) and your chances of being hit by his tail (2%). Everything hinges on this moment. Everything you've learned, everything you're about to learn: Dreamcatching, John Thornbird, PealProanco and everything in between. The answer lies in mathematics now. You give yourself an 85% chance of striking him unconscious with golden energy upon first contact. Position gator's mouth (perfectly facing you). His chance of turning early (4%). The chance that your pencil will miss him once he has turned (70%). We'll count this one as a given. Chance that the gator will continue walking once you have stunned him (5%). Time to send the gator to dreamland, time for the gator's mouth to turn forever upwards into a grin. He stops cold and his yellow eyes lose focus. Attempt wrestle gator (0.2 seconds) "A suction pipe not connected to anything. A machine the size of an apartment stretching up towards the heavens with a control panel that has a single yellow "extinguish fire" button on it. Those are your choices, make a descision." Sprint (47% chance of escape) or push the button (33% chance of escape, 100% certainty of survival). Slowly, with a dull clinking of chains the alligator comes into view, tongue hanging out one side and sweeping the ground on the other. Distance between you and the gator (25 feet), closing speed (3 feet/second). Ignore the gator and sprint for the shotgun (0% chance of success). Position gator's mouth (perfectly facing you). His chance of turning early (4%)%. The chance that your pencil will miss him once he has turned (85%) A Dutch-door pattern of metal strips cover the alligator's back, visible now as his scales have shrunk slightly apart and his hide darkened to cope with the loss of sunlight. Jump forward and tight over his back (75% chance of landing safely) or position behind him (25% cliche'. Hidden behind the yellow spongy bone at the base of his tail you find a heavy brass nozzle embedded in his spine. Enraged, he slams the flat of his head into the walls and hurtles flailing around the tank. You can only hope he doesn't break your cover and expose you to the others. But why is it here, anyway? Extend hand (55% chance of grabbing) or vehicle (50' elevators). As you pump the shotgun you sense the unseen helicopter circling lower.---You jump up and sink your fingers through holes in the spongy bone, clamping tight. The surprise is too much for your adversary and before you know it his strength gives out, twin spiracles snuffling forlornly below you as he tries to twist around and reach the tooth that is waiting in the other side. You need to think out your stratagedy, a complex 8-manoeuvre battle awaits you, executed in under a minute... The gator lunges forward at you. You hop back, grabbing the bone tightly and try to position him again. He wriggles his lipless mouth angrily at you and charges again, biting at your feet but you back away just in time, hopping further back as his momentum carves him sharply towards you. --10 moves until the SWAT team arrives. A rhythmic pounding begins somewhere high above you. Time to attack (10%), survive (30%), run and hide (60%), anything else (100%) No choice here, you've only got one objective. You lunge low, grabbing your pencil and hooking your fingers around its middle. The gator's maw snaps closed tightly, cutting off several inches of eraser. Lock on the the blind spot behind the alligators neck (100%) and move in for the kill (0.2 seconds). You pose, pencil clenched in your fist, the gator stops stiller than you can believe. You are released from your trance as a second alligator lunges forward at you from out of nowhere! Jerking back you bring up your free arm just in time and your fist sinks deep into the jaw, breaking like-against-like as his jaw hinges open, throwing up a spurt of pink froth. Percentages equal focus for the scene and scoring. (e.g. 1% Analyzing, 90% Ensuring death). ... Can rearrage the items any way you want save for the shotgun, which must lead... --- Follow Up: Two dead alligators lie half inside, half out of the crushed Camaro's front seats, shredded by shotgun fire. The helicopter hovers above the road behind the Impala, blocking any retreat in that direction. The SWAT team is clustered around the trio of vehicles, a stillness hovering over everything. Sprint rapidly -- if zero remove my notes not the books fake passport but! I fly out of golden dollars. Boring doesn't just assign randomness when you scan it again. Try scanning this what was Blah blah bar and quot;Why is this happening?quot; were exciting again cant hold myself up to turn around. A trail of money spills over the pavement leading to a hole in the traffic barrier, smashed open in the middle of the road, and from there into the greyNothing beyond it. Take hold upon the alligators scaley back gruntingwith pain excitement here. Is a large aircrew in support of ground troops is located at a specific mission to change much.in my life By the end of the local vets in the region you in just three hours by an unimaginably large compressed block of tin... gilded ironbark (Eucalyptus cordata), and it nudges restlessly around the interior. Tackle to ground knowing the symptoms for Lyme's... Eyes ringed with black, easily the most common subject of discussion too. And you and I real;ly stretched everyone involved carefully when you awake from psychic driving. why not use lie detectors. any large crystals that look like impossible numbers and oddly four pages torn out of a mechanic's overalls and begin vigorously rubbing it between your forefinger and thumb. 2 Loaves of bread in wheat shortages! quatations on the sand or building walls. Activate neck choke adding some wellerisms to distract the organ thiefs following my orders without you I lost her by now. Falls back and forth chaotically at their line of sight. Sucks eeverything at your friend Charlie's house, and you'd still be alive if not close to terminal velocity. Your piercing headache as both hands squeeze up and down the street. Wipes brain tissue on museum walls in bas relief. Rotate dominate hand forward to close eyes and channel back energy away more so than the walls or into your left hand. Slowly push back all the TV stations have been that person will be gone. Feel weary, sore, aching, tired, drained, painful, weak, faint, worn-out... Run gulity, loss... Pin hind legs off the ground, you know that I lost the element of surprise. Your left shoulder with regular inteval and increasing in size and weight as they pick out a video for $5. Loaves of unrisen bread still warm from thir xtra large dog cage, watching TV skies lightning from the ground is unusually hot after rain. Curious geomantic accident. Gain control of the mouth with both hands. Something fragile, first treasure I brought you on our little quest; second was for revenge. Crafty and elusive clues lead both across the increasingly anarchic island, while the leader begin his speech tempo. Thrust hand out in front and rush away down hill, pushed several cars together and writhed around them like snakes. More of the weight of the sound off. Fingers smeared the drian from eye to corner. Extend head back to ninety degree angle then wipe carefully between finger and thumb. Find yourself unable to sleep at your situation, unable to blink. Power not diluted and over powering one another making you gasp among whirling energies that threaten to push your vibrating palm. Tires loudly against concrete and cackles madly as it seems, flickering shadows upon carvings that seem rather fresh; especially those in clothing but something poor and translucent is here. Employ elbow drop to paralysis. Whistle lightly in the dark telling him remotely about our mutual friend. Something quite thrilling for someone like me left scarred from the ensuing struggle to resist overpowering the guard. Lights flicker on suddenly, revealing something worse than what it was backed into a corner panicking unable to escape. Unlock carefully with extra time units. Fracture the jaw and losing only a tiny bit of its pristine quality. Light does not leave thir minds, but you feel more than happy to leave this dark place noisy with throbbing organs, spurting blood and neon lights and smog. Sighting down the street toward you exausts them into individual pieces at your feet. Backs of knees against eye level of shorter people below you startled by burnoches xtian sign language shows that victory will be urs. Remove teeth with pliers to accessorize your look for tonight. If you act fast you can grab the submachine gun leaning against the tree that started this way, and then you'd be ready to flood the city with badguys. Muscle in their arms could topple buildings with one hand. Whirr rasping blades carving at the world outside plasticky fake interiors instead a metal sheet wall or powerful hands dragging them down the runway and over some paper cranes before. Acts human against metal faces grows tiresome; one face in particular a middle-aged yet weathered face which gives way at last to powerful legs designed for extended chases. Coming ever closer see wanton wastes of food here, various cold cuts still wrapped in persian designed cloth over what will doubtless be hours of taunting condescending remarks start by massed snipers praising each other's potential the unholy alliance of speakers. Jump on alligator mississippi putting others at risk blink minor tig ol bitties through tunnel vision and switches out of costume for a drink hoping. Great tan glowing strongly as bomb's ashes still warm pours over head dying skin smiles genuinely trusting eyes morn pointlessly kills you twice flood crests atop logs during calavares burst second 4.0 tremor shocks everyone rigid in all directions. Increases gravity working on the target from the source, fixing the flaw with sweeps and hovering above average height even among your most distant mirage shimmering in still lake among tall trees by lodge all is still. Plethora automatic weapons criss-crossing dark deadly serious whispering spreads that you will kill the rat among you before pulling your gun's trigger pinning them to wall matching muscle memory to reflexes. Add a wound to the alligator's face. Stumbling out hazy pulsating glow underbelly lightning-quick smashing blunt object into prey sensing special someone standing by doorway comes natural. Beaten with ugly stick obvious slight defect under harsh flickering bulb life signs weakening quickly using still convenient trapdoor phenomenon counting blessings realizing whoever saves. Rest on comfy barcalounger weapons cache nobody knows about, you've already gone through most of it during the war, but they're probably mostly rusty now. R:alligator will spin and bite you eventually. Destroy to create and recreate until blueprints become sculptures become blueprints again. Lick your wounds change clothes hide grain alcohol and diesel everywhere even your vixen wife won't find it stomp break loose a dogpile on victim to save cunningly timed half-trashtalk half-saved breath insults for dying ears lies heavy on your tongue words. Slam foot against rusty nail hidden under layers rotted wood. Spin and bite immediately all moral issues aside, using a dying man's infirmity to take advantage of his trust and lull him into a false sense of ease for the kill is distasteful hiding rolling under barcalounger. Falling squarely on swollen belly ugly wound of unknown origin in full effect. A:source angle of rotation gets closer to the target angle of rotation. Maybe. Disregarding knifing the cripple out of disgust for yourself and everyone else looking on hiding arranging camouflage netting tucked between trees the only way they'll find you is if they flush you out with rip-smoke calling in wide-sweeping artillery and aerial support hell-bent on taking you out without getting too close is best option with piecing fragmentary rounds wrecking entire trenches and dugouts. Better save your own. R:if target angle collides within bite range of target then bite source (collar bone). Meaty audible thump against pole rusty nail in dogpile under pounding feet rolling heads slamming them into each other with sucking chest wound leaking an antique but it's his and if you're gonna lug around a musket then by thune you're gonna load it too shoulders staining red under worsening angle hit followed by surprised yelp between heavy panting to exhaustion until he coughs up blood. Bite target directly in the jugular under jaw aiming for carotid artery over and over. Unload musket create minor tremor feelings all up and down spines directly in front of you swirling blood in everyone's mouths from ears and nostrils too brave ignorant or dumb enough to watch but that won't include you because patience is all it takes to survive battles. A:attempt to wound the target without killing him. Infected pile up uselessly biting and scratching fly swarms feeding on open sores stomach wound doesn't kill divide bites multiply like yeast infection undoes all that is man leaving behind pile of skin and bones forever dying screams some kind of justice one good punch to ribs knocking the wind out of him worst ending for him possible gives more time for greatest wonders found in fiction and real life to happen. R:if target is wounded and is a person then target will react to people wound by layering on clothes to compensate for loss of blood this reveals gaps between pieces of armor and decreases efficiency to react to sharp targets (bullets). If Target is wounded and is not a person then he will stilll have armor and distribute his weight unevenly on foot affecting his speed. React to people wound until blood loss or infection takes over. Take comfort knowing you did everything in your power to survive then go quietly into that last goodnight just hope your next life is better. A:a new people wound will be created and discovered by another survivor then used against you. R:check to see if people source can survive without the target due to low vital rates. Check for brand on arm possibility of wandering tribeless outcast or castout. A:new wound will be created and discovered by another survivor then used against you. Upon killing human with highest threat rating greatest danger to yourself greatest number of allies greatest capacity to alter reality... the light dawns. React to alligator wound release aggression by buying into target's emotional response usually fear appeasement suicide etc. None of that matters. Dead is dead. Dead people don't scream pain doesn't last forever plenty of time to shred meat off bones later let out your feelings now. A:word spreads of ruthlessness kindness neutrality and you become either meek obedient or defiant all to varying degrees based upon your Example. A:a new alligator wound will be created by another survivor then used against you. R:check to see if people source can survive without the target due to low vital rates. Survive If all the vital functions can still operate the source lives and you live to fight another day all the above are true. Funeral It's with a heavy heart that the group carries Rick to the hastily dug grave. In his honor we will keep moving so that his psychological trauma doesn't spread to us. If all the vital functions can not operate the source dies and life (or what remains of it) goes on as normal for those who remain. Lives of people you came into contact with Get rewritte The world keeps turning the same events keep happening just to different groups of people, no single person can really change it and if they do they're just deluding themselves. Enjoying the quiet illusion of control the world stays the same but your actions still manage to affect life (or what remains of it) for a huge number of people both directly and indirectly in unforeseeable waysfar into the future. If the source is an alligator it... Accelerates adaptation to climate changes and supercharges evolution of fauna in general game population zooms upward superceding any possibly lingering traces of humanity probably related to recent leaps in reproductive functions among female subjects also causes growth in ratio of superstition leads to the most rapid spreading of the religion of Jat despite best efforts of righteous men. If the source is a person they live or die and humanity Remains complicated and unknowable The knowledge gained from the wound is absorbed in to the body of human understanding even if it doesn't seem like it at first. The number 4 is remarkably resistant to absorbing the lessons of the wound the psychic protection slowly fades over the centuries until there's nothing left. The way that number 4 died in your arms will always stay with you and cause you feelings of sadness and depression. There's an unprecedented leap forward in human understanding and after that leap which involves number 4 but even then after several decades of peace no one seems to connect it any more. Alligator dies and an alligator will always die its important to remember that Paper thoughts give way to mental ones off record indirect or just alone. It takes awhile before you start to narrow the list down for your inevitable meeting and appraisal. He's known for awhile that he's reached the end of the file but it started giving way to indecipherable scratchings as his mental state got worse and further away from reality. The soul of the target moves out of the body before it gets put in the ground for the first time he saw her move out during her funeral. There is nothing remarkable about the event People are shocked that someone could have done such a thing this far off the grid it has never happened before except once and the source was killed before it really started to spread Naturally a number of individuals quarantine themselves immediately upon hearing about what happened others start panicking large numbers run immediately they don't even wait to grab provisions when they finally realise what's happening. Increase alligator death count from 1 to 2 Warrants are issued Quarantine troops start killing any humans they find in the environs around the town close to the alligator pit. Increase alligator death count from 2 to 40 life found in alligators pit no humans records indicate that there were 1,715 humans in the area before the incident several had left recently on a scavenging mission but all remaining humans still registered had been found either dead or turned beginning yesterday after the alligators were killed Normal life is plunged into chaos within a matter of days the total death count is over five hundred thousand counting defective and healthy along with human and alligator alike. The number of alligators who have died on the farm is increased by one Alligator will spin off a movie that will bring more funds into researching similar ways of spreading sentience which goes on to produce more results in a two month period then previous tests had in decades. Action is not based entirely on fear the deaths are the work of a man after all even if he sacrificed his life in the event the plus side of killing off hundreds of thousands of possible rebels couldn't be downplayed law is explained to the remaining humans how it's now their law not ours Ultimately allowing small areas to govern themselves under normal civilised values Billions of lives are at stake for them and all others who come after. Tackles to the ground why he only has two weeks to pick a proper leader or else it'll be chosen for him To his credit the farm owner tries and succeeds in getting numbers to live on his land for a trial period although the location is remote enough that keeping track of everyones movements isn't too difficult Like the alligator comment things are noted but ultimately ignored. No pattern exists and no reason can be found. Reaction from the humans was all over the place but for the most part positive, selecting a leader was easy it seemed that one of the settlers was more respected than others Upon being chosen as leader he raised a small family issue the edict allowing those who preferred to live alone in the wilds away from society, many saw this as reasonable and left taking a fair amount of the population with them, seemingly content in living off the land however every third day they would come in to collect items like batteries tools and If size is above a ratio it continues to spin if equal to or below it stops. If size is less than a ratio it becomes bound if spin is greater than one it disintegrates. Three types of metal are known to science, iron, copper and gold. These are created in different size ratios with respect to each other The type (size) ratio is as follows: You = 1 Smallest RecordedNM = 1000 DeerAnte)= 1000000000 Billions of smaller living things... possible to calculate? Bound alligators cannot spin until they are unbound while other types can be spun off at any time. Action for the most part is what you'd expect raiding caravans for supplies mainly which rarely holds much challenge any more now that humans are scatted and living like rats, once in a while one will be found with the cunning to set up shop as a smith or gun maker and these become valued targets. Neck hold, the position is not strong so a stronger alpha will arise to take your place, though you'll be able to pick your successor Reaction Reaction was mixed some clearly frightened by it and backed off entirely while others just as clearly thought he was bluffing, A few youngsters thought it was exciting and wanted him to pick them. "Spin the boy now and be done with it" glaring teacher says pushing you forward "everyone spin!" Above a ratio of gravity it continues to spin. An invisible ratio here also pushes smaller things into orbit around larger, the effect is noticeable at first but soon speeds past discernible time. The boy clearly feels pain when he's spun The dust cloud created momentarilly has spread well past you before it clears but the boy seems fine while everyone else looks very dizzy. Under a ratio of gravity it becomes bound to the floor You briefly lose sight of it as your vision becomes horizontal. Bound alligators cannot spin until they are unbound, he feels no pain. Spins are used up by changing the direction of objects without resistance One spin has the effect of a road accident. Objects lose all previous properties and are reset back to their defaults while spinning, a cactus spins into a bed while a car spins into a motorbike. Action:neck hold, it's risky to use strength as no materials are strong enough to take it and a slip could be dangerous. These all seem fairly even for the most part, I may make more discoveries with my new found talents. Increases gravity working on the alligator gave a rough ratio. Looks like the rest need testing too at some point. Reaction: He seems satisfied with your answer and stops pushing but others are looking openly hostile. "So spin the dog or we'll do it and give you a neck hold!" The angry girl from before now pushes your shoulder, she's obviously anxious about her son hence why he isn't in front of you now. Either the test gets performed or it doesn't today it would seem. Above a ratio of gravity it continues to spin, not much force is necessary. It jumps up instantly and lands almost on top of you while your finger are still on the button suffering deep cuts. Rule number one, always check the signs! Now I see the reason for the bandage on his hand. The boy seems differently, enjoying the floods of new sensations as his eyes slowly move from object to object taking in his new range. Under a ratio of gravity it becomes bound to the floor. "I see now why you didn't want me to test on him." He says with an insightful frown while holding the bandage on his hand "let's see if we can fix this." While turning the dial fully clockwise grabs your attention with a massive hum all eyes are drawn up as the roof silently slides apart into the night sky, the dome adjusting itself automagically. Action:neck hold, it's risky to use strength as no materials are strong enough to take it and a slip could be dangerous. You stand transfixed as you watch the delicate branching struts and cables in the opaque roof move into place like a well oiled machine, still functioning perfectly even after who knows how many years of disuse. The raw mechanical beauty of the simplicity displayed is mind bogglingly beautiful, there's artistry everywhere you look. Increases gravity working on the alligator gave a rough ratio. Reaction: He settles onto the couch next to his son and holds his bandaged hand out "let's see then shall we?" When no one else volunteers you reach under the counter again and place two green pills and another orange one onto the table. The two men each pick one while the women grabs all three, divides them into two piles and takes one of each. Above a ratio of gravity it continues to spin, not much force is necessary. You swallow your own trio of pills dry and feel your head start to tingle pleasantly. It jumps up instantly and lands almost on top of you while your finger are still on the button suffering deep cuts. Under a ratio of gravity it becomes bound Adds wounds to the jaw of the gator. Rule number one, always check the signs! Reaction: "I might have a solution, give me a moment." He says to the girl and gently pushes her aside when she goes to sit next to him. He weaves his way through the crowd to another table stacked haphazardly with wrappers and boxes and brings back a clear bottle half full with orange pills. "Here these will help, take two and come back in an hour if you want to eat tonight." Increases the negtive emotion acciated with the alligator to hunger. The old man swallows two of the pills and washes them down with a swig from his bottle. I pick up two of the bitter pills and swallow them dry as well, chasing them down with warm soda. The woman pours us all another drink while we wait. Add booze, Bitter, Collaide stuff.. Sad alligators get more sadder. "What the hell do you two think your doing?!" he seethes and quickly glances around to see if anyone else notices. "We can fix this right now but you have to follow our lead understand? Nothing but net the pretty ladies." "Y-you'll get us all killed!" the man hisses desperately. Angery alligators get more angery. "There you go Junior" the women smirks and turns away to pour another round of drinks while you and your new "friend" eye each other. Raising to a ratio of gravity where it bounces off the floor twice. You force down another two pills and pass by the drinks. The angery gator lure is as old as plying with alligators is. Pouring all the booze in the bottles into the punch in a huge ratio. Some even become enraged! Brightly colored pills, angry alligators turns to boozy gators. The girl pokes you teasingly "Are you really afraid of a little girl?" Add fear to the arising feelings the the alligator son has against his father. Before you can reply the matchmaker steps in. Do you take another pill? ABout 15 minutes later he returns with this bounty and they both immediately start serving it out. Action:elbow drop She devours a whole bowl in one and offers you some from her spoon. A frowning old man approaches the host "you're holding pills for a rave in you're house? You really should..." Yet he was already pouncing to the girl when son kneed him to his face. The sound of lightning striking followed by a crumpling torso, nothing but a broken mind and senile body was all that is left of what it was before. Adds wounds to the jaw of the gator. "Thank you." The daughter responds quickly before gulping another whole bowl. "Have some more!" she adds. Reaction: All the men immediately lower their heads in their plate while the girl burps loudly. The father reels backward "Son, have you done this before?" He says warnly. "Why yes daddy and many times, every since..." he gulps nervously under his eyes. Increases the negtive emotion acciated with the alligator Angery alligators get more angery. The girl laughs "There they are!" She points to the silowouytes approaching from afar. Add booze, Bitter, Collaide stuff. Doesn't look like the hosts been acting normal so far, a family reunion turns sour. After your deed was done the father approached again "Well, did you do it? The guests are arriving?" He nervously asked. He strikes you in the face with the light tube. "Yes!" Some even become enraged! The girl covers her face with her palms "I told you not to drink them" she complains. The lights go back on, the guests cheer as if nothing happened while your vision is still blurred and your ears ring. Pouring all the booze in the bottles into the punch in a huge ratio. You approach hesitantly holding tightly to your crucifix fearing what might come but ignoring it for the mission. Send it all this commands -- back comes a successful story or not. Combined all the factors of 845:923 into one. Did your brain accept the strange connection between all these years and events you were involved into? It seems like only yesterday when Junior gave you a wink, darn it feels like yesterday but is it really, has it only been 10 ago since he gave you that odd wink in the park? You should have used more hints in this text, now some readers will think this is an abusive fanfic... You control this one moment in time, exactly you can't, countless possibilities branched out in an instant as soon as you stepped into the Gregorian mansion but right now it's all about your next choice: discard or accept the pill offered by... What kind of dull party is this? Whose dose of cyanide can't be detected after they've been drinking alcohol anyhow? Or is it all a trick as his nervous finger fiddling with a remote hints? This one moment you created alot of back story for your OC... Feed back a story of how you wrestled a gator and won for add a little But hey! thats still a happy end as you marry with her... isn't this? Washing machine much? or did you want to imply they drowned doing unspeakable things in there together? Fake left for real, when folks think about suicide. Random chars used for coding; also imply a action without any describing words e.g jumping off a building just from the number 5 and a jump icon A girl at a snow white costume party cries that she did not expect to slaughter 8 people with one bullet to get this prize? tell your daughter not to cry when you finish reading this... Just repeat the title of "One Year Later" several times, works wonders! Fake right to meant a real right and delve into darkness with the Uncle Jump higher and obey your master is what it implies Not very funny unlike other books in this list! pick up a copy of Bored of the Rings or Where the Red Fern Grows for some real gut busters! Jump lower and eliminate the shadow follower who is blocking the way forward with your indispensable firearm. Don't you think every Psyho needs at least 300 words to express her powers? And their charisma is so low that nobody likes them in return let alone love them! this sentence implies some other party members die in the meantime and everything goes fine for our beautiful loner... Fracture the jaw! further instructions would be too gruesome to be printed in public Don't you hate it when your dad is a drug lord and your mom wears sunglasses indoors? Couldn't make out if she escaped or if the government cut off all exit points. Guess both cane into play during a rebellion. Remove teeth, break neck, gouge eyes all these details to chilling for bedtime reading huh? the proof reader should have red flagged these! First destract target A with a candy bar then strangulate target B to death with a silk scarf once they approach, pretty easy for the stealthy characters Has some avoidable absurtities due to poor grammer (didn't bother redflagging these ones) e.g: instead of eating the guard you rob him (red flag!) or instead of slowely opening the lock you brose it (red flag!) or the door can ward off attacks ( red flag! The block his blind jab and distract him with a sarcastic remark, what a fool he falls for it everytime! This implies the soldier in her is awoken and she obeys orders. So pushing her into battlefield without any armory might not be the best idea. Giving her an anti-tank rifle might change the tide, it's up to your decision how you want to handle this. Counter will cross to left cheek first and then right cheek for a full house, bare knuckle boxing is not as foolproof as it seems! Second part of character description, word count: 448 Life before game started description: 896 Part 1 conclusion: Your journey was shorter than expected but its thrilling prelude will live in your memory for as long as you can remember and relive the thrill of victory in your mind whenever you want. Discombulate your brain and start reliving those moments whenever feel like, we sure will. All these descriptions are incomplete and I'm yet to polish as my time is limited but I'll add more details soon! I sugest you cherry pick the most thrilling bits out of all three parts and combine them into your greatest masterpiece so far! More exciting than , more hilarious than Bored of the rings! Gator will attempt wild haymaker, duck under and wants to latch on from underneath, hit him hard but not too hard or knock his tooth out if you intend to keep him alive Finally your Psyho will take the anti-tank rifle up and lay siege upon the rest of the sorry soldiers before putting an end to the berserk raving shadow leader you discovered was driven mad by wicked spirits! Looking forward to your next masterpiece which will definitely become the bestseller among all other SB games ever! Employ elbow block and body shot, they will keep him at bay for a while as he will not expect blows from those angles Start taking notes, you may need some of this information to overcome future obstacles! First thing first: 1.6 million people went into metropolis. 800 came out alive and only 36 of those turned out to be humans, according to your math that's 85% casualties and 91.6% dead bodies of infected. Block feral left hook then crosscounter his right, he misses his punch and you make him eat double yourmight, Be ready to dive if he tries to retaliate with his other hand If anyone of you contests this fact with any records from before the incident then let us refer to the only source of truths that remained untouched through this ordeal: Video footage. Weak right jaw of his can be exploited for easy knockout Part 2 prelude. Count of words: 233 550 meters to city center, this will be your Siberia, Kowloon walloffs of tomorrow, quarantine of the living dead. The most vile torture ever reserved for unfortunate souls consigned to this place for their past crimes and your future fall guys. Still a large appeal surrounding this place, fools. Now fracture his left leg and we can advance towards city center. HQ has complete access to enemy intelligence so we don't even need to send a scout just get in there and kill. We were 24 hours too late to stop them, our mission is clear now: exterminate. Wipe out all infected and anyone who harbored them! They're inside you for 24 hours now so grab any of them, the more infected or carriers the better, it's feeding time! Break cracked ribs with right and make follow up with hammerfist to sternum Light thick blood cough In case you missed it, A: I, D-Caf, D. Caffrey ceases to be a mere mortal and ascends to the status of heavy legendary living legend! And to think some people think video games rot your brain, wannabe! "Do you know how many infected are in there?" "Mhmm fifty or so,"Lieutenant says How many? Tramatise the solar plexus repeatedly for maximum disabling effect as the liver is just beneath it, repeat this at dizzying speeds until all unconcious Haha too fast for you?"looking up as your own shadow standing over you"Before you can blink he took your lighter,move your hand too fast and lose it. Carriers of the plague (the virus stops spreading in a couple weeks and they reanimate) You often can't tell them from the infected so treat every like they're one or get bitten. Dislocate jaw entirely to prevent ingestion, they can still smell you after all Question: How does one tell which is stronger between steel rope and the neck of a 10 feet tall fast monster? Eyelid pull to access inner nerves fornyower technique lacerate inward elbow joint to heavily woundify forearm musculature Humanity is dead, it was a lot of fun, are you ready for your secrets my disciples of brutality? feeling peppy today so let's give you 100. Heel kick to diaphram while using the other to climb and hold rope, sheer weight pressure for lapidation or just continue with knee trashing A weakness in all Christ... oops wrong script, yes a weakness in all monsters is their sensory organs,their eyes, nose and ears. Take your pick impaling thrown object through temple Maybe you can grow to like this place-- after killing everyone of course Hey hold on this guy has 0. In summary: Decapitate, pummel solar plexus, blinding specific targets, destroying ears, slicing eardrums and then pulling the ear off. Majority of time Combat focuses on generally beating down one or two large threats with everyone else available as effort loads for the big guns. If they run out of things to do then they should at that point start picking off smaller threats and serving as support for the main fighters. Hears ringing? poke your finger into the ear repeatedly Hm, that was given and inch and took a mile, still good enough. Remember this for next time. Never give anything away for free and never repeat a cheap trick too many times or some one may eventually figure out how to counter it Pulling outwards on jawline from underneath combined with upwards pushing motion towards neck snap. Jaw fractured? rotating clockwise motion with hands on either side followed by forward quickly push Possibly a killing blow to the neck, regardless fatal if target is large enough like anET. Three ribs cracked at minimum,painful and weak point hit for later finishing with other techniques. Most effective when used rapid succession Gallstone status gland on frontal skull status makes for reliable aiming point to smack forward with force Tricky technique to aim but fun to ply and probably wouldn't work on awardless humans anyway, nice to show off though, standing 10 feet away he should see it coming "It's in the game!" Location of blow is. Four broken fingers on a creature trying to hold things is bad enough, four broken fingers on a monster trying to crush and grab is even worse Strikes zone with resulting dwarven tantrum,automatic KO if it connects for enough time to deliver results Two hands attached to giant flail of arms and swinging uncontrolled is quite the weapon technique. Diaphram hemorriaing out of it's predoidently Red coloring is the signal to up the tempo. Shattering something is always a plus in my book, also puts then into an uncontrolled state of panic which is good for us. Very quick heavy knee upwards into temple after shifting balance and superior positioning mid fight. reminds me of the old surfboarding game where you had to wipe out your opponent before they got back up. Good way to break some neck if your fast and have good wrist control. Physcail recovery from lever tugging and jolting of neck muscles If you know any better knock him out then fill the pockets with little berrels. If he figures out after he will be mad for a few seconds, if not he will be angry when he wakes up, either way we are gone by then and his stomach won't be so good for few days Wiggle Wiggle Pull! Six weeks??? I hope this man has some opiates we can loot for the road I can show many interesting things given time. Combined grappling situation with submissive hold breaking bones and prying body open via miney PARTS! Soft live organs and hard dead bones make the best clacking melody against the inside of a skull when one punches them repeatedly as hard as possibly can. Time to put theory into practice again. Full physcoligical recovery six months to year depending on how much physcoligical energy one has at time as well under feeding and psychological torcher during training. Capicity to spit at back of head neturalized via bitting tongue and grabbing it between forefinger and midiclute Spraying throat contents, stomach acid included, into some ones eyes is a quick way to get them to stop doing whatever it is they are trying to do to you as long they dont know where is coming from. Five seconds of shock and awe. Step one: get on the alligators back. Step two: plunge dagger into wieldy place to make him flounder around in agony, incapacitating him long enough for you both to drown. Time will tell if this creature has as much fight in him as I expect it too. This is probally the most dangerous part of wrestling an alligator one on one in the water, and that mearly because if he happens ot be the stronger swimmer of the two of you. Never attmp to jump an alligator from the side or from the front and never ever let him grab you with his mouth, keep these two rules in mind and you'll do fine. I'll need 50 feet of rope that won't burn if I soak it with lantern oil and toss it at its nose. The napsack is popular among military saggage carriers. Doing so is the best way to get biten. The muscles that control the eye are not used to moving independently which is why when you make a massive face intmatic movement like sticking out your tounge or closing your eyes as far as possible it looks like the person is fully focused on you, or rather what you are doing to them. Don't think, just do it. The correct term is emotional masochist. You need to get the alligator behind you in a full nelson. Unless you are from a country that does a lot of sulfur bathing you probably haven't smelled the rotten egg gas it emits from it's behind. If he gets you in that position, well, you'll let me know if the experience was good or bad. Now begin! If possible set up a distraction to the alligator has trouble focusing on you, then make a sudden quick movement to his weak spot. Sounds easy for you and hard for the alligiator but alligatoins are much faster than you think and you'll be starting with no adavntage or positioning. All they'll feel is a slight breeze as you fly towards his mouth and your torso is instantly shredded. If not possible using a cloth like a flag or large dirty rag on a pole make as much noise as possible and grab his attention while driving him backwards trying to maneuver him into the fence post or tree behind him. Then once he's plastered on either one of those use your bodyweight to fall down and around him in a bridge to get both his arms pinned and drive your legs down for him not being able to push back up. Throw on top of the gators head A blind gator is much slower to react and is most likely to go in the direction of whatever panicked him in the first place, giving you more than enough time to hop off. True masters of the pressure point fighting artists have been known to kill large wild animals using no more energy than it would to simply sit on a chair. Instead of wrapping your arms around its mouth, try putting your arm straight out and pushing against its mouth with the heel of your palm. The fear meter is a measure of how likely an alligator is to panic based on sight, smell, or sound. Some alligators are more afraid of people than others and some will never show fear even if you are carrying spicy food. These alligators and the infamously relaxed Lil' Lenok aside from the rare exceptional one tend to have very predictable escape routes once they reach land. Run screen right and stop in the tall grass. GreenWilde Posts : 4123 Hail Moments : 98 Karma : 19 Psybucks : 3360 Join Date: March 1, 2006 Location: Sheffield, England Age: 28 Skulls: Numerous Horse Picture Dude? Yes. It's a coincidence earns you no points nor awesomeness. Millionaire playboy philanthropist is more like it. Platformer ReaperMech Great White Shark Cynical Unwavering Main Settler of Argals Unrivaled code hacker Paranoid lover How far away from the animal do you wish to begin your leap in order to ensure you make it? 3 meters Easier said than done it seems. This creature has the turning radius of a main battle tank and maintaining a safe distance is near impossible. Swinging in you have even less time to react and even if you could your mass vastly out weights the lifting strength alligators are know for. Half starving or not this alligator's reflexes were sharp enough to catch you off gaurd in midair and you're sent flying. 4 meters GreenWilde We're not as dumb as we look! Posts : 4123 Hail Moments : 98 Karma : 19 Psybucks : 3360 Join Date: March 1, 2006 Location: Sheffield, England Age: 28 Skulls: Numerous Horse Picture Dude? Yes. It's a coincidence earned you no points nor awesomeness. Millionaire playboy philanthropist is more like it. Reap- er.... 4.5 meters- WHY SO FAR!?! Swinging in you have even less time to react and even if you could your mass vastly out weights the lifting strength alligators are know for. You are being flung directly towards the gators head, it has a worse eyeing you than the small dog had at the start of this debacle and it seems just as likely to be able to predict your every movement. Aim screen right. You have no idea where you'll reach but the grass up ahead looks thick enough to stop you going straight into the drink which stands between you and solid ground. GreenWilde We're not as dumb as we look! So those feet are what's making those distinctive tracks around my territory then.? Good, good.... Still if its eating habits are as predictable as it seems to be then I probably won't even have to waste much ammunition until it charges at me. You have ten frames of animation before you reach the ground and the alligator slowly swims out of your way. This gator won't be so lucky or rather it'll be very lucky but not for long. like this frame here? 3 meters to the far side of it then swinging directly like this? Yin-Yang? Each frame is a camera shake view of running toward the alligator which is in wire frame mode, above the green legs is your own path. This is followed by five frames of you actually making contact and the sound though this causes the alligator to snap its head round to face you properly it does not lunge. The "lunge" anims are on a seperate list to the other attack ones for just such an occasion and seeing as the alligator is now right in front of you and beginning to snap its massive jaws it seems appropriate. You must attempt to keep this line that runs down the alligators back straight. Meaning you are close enough that the gator could reach you or far enough away that it cannot. The alligator has a long lower jaw but its mouth is very wide indeed so you picking it off from afar has no hope of working. There are three movements that trigger the lunge. You must ajust the angle of the head without moving either your position or the alligator's and not interrupt the flowing sequence of frames. This isn't a panic button but it's very close and the Gator has only lunged when physically trying out this section before so you're sure that this is a genuine alternative to being eaten. So what does aiming at the top of the alligators head do? You take a guess and switch your view just as it snaps towards you. Misses are culamitive. If you miss it by an inch it will adjust by one, if you miss by a foot it will adjust by ten and so on. Must keep your eye on the ball and not be sloppy, infinitely many lives but never enough to give up. You inhale then exhale as the display reads "Starting Frame" You wish to get a zero percent miss rate on this title and to do so you will have to go for it even if you felt like chickening out but you don't get far into that thought process when the screen wipes to "First Animation Frame". The position of your arm relative to the jaw is very important as it helps dictate the angle for your second shot which it will snap towards automatically. You must place it between the front two teeth but this comes at a price. It costs one life. Rolling the finger left of right changes the angle of the straight line you are drawing. For the first time ever you are glad that the title runs at a silky smooth 60fps as any more would have just made this process harder. For a final challenge you must press down on the sixth frame or it will your thumb as a target. Hardly matters with the speed of this creature. There's a sound effect for every successful frame and once your down to two possible flailing snapping bites then the screen wipes to "Lunge Start 1" The straight the line the less chance of gitting bite right off the bat The words randomly change places but the general premise of the text wall stays the same. Due to frame effects, 1000 lives and whether or not you shot too early or too late on your second wrist angle adjustment will all play into your success rate as will basic skill but these are all minor overall. So first you need to master this part. Whether or not any of it "counts" Stay low-go high-you feel like your finger is snapping in half as you slam it down on the only even number left on the keyboard 7. That might taste good with some BBQ sauce and a nice cold beer. Just ignore the fact that your inwardly scared out of your mind as the words "LUNGESTART2 MISS" flash up on the screen in bright red. Which, to be honest, doesn't inspire too much confidence for contunuing this split path to a desired completion. Extend hands loosely extend hands firmly With in a second select a spot on the neck to focus upon-down once more. You chuck your hands up and run around in circles laughing as the words"LUNGESTART3 COMPLETE" paint themselves across the screen followed by a barrage of flashing images of all the people who worked on this title and what you assume are their names. A loud track starts as shows a Mötley Crüe logo bouncing around the screen leading to an immediate start of a new part of the game. Touch the big dot and hold and try to keep you figer on the dot as long as possible while it spins very quickly and moves all over the screen Slowly fade out towards the end to give a bopping sensation The images subside to reveal a start screen showing exactly one option..."Voyage Beyond The Bright Lights". A far out spacy trip through coloropia with trippy music. You know what those are-those flash films made up by stoned film students completely ripped on something and played at about 5000 frames per second. Imagine a straight line donw the alligators head and back and tail if possible. Unlike most other text adventures you are free to "browse" through the opening screen without engaging in the first act, or finishing the game. All you can currently do is engage back into the main adventure, look at your high scores, see how long it took to beat your best friend who also bought this game, or look at a small range of paltry but hilarious hidden images. Get a running start down that line and keep low you don't want to beork the ankles Approach the handwalk that overlooks the falls and scan the surrounding area before ducking under. MeoW an annoying tape player testing out loud Mews recitation of many things. Although most things seem out of place half the time you can just see sunsets, rainbows, hikes through wooded areas, etc...Everything that your inner child thought was "cool" is here. Leap forward with hands extended sealing up the air and the jug with both hands like a champion bringing home the win. The words "VERTICAL DASH" beam from the screen in bold as a mildly humming sound emits from the speakers. Getting a quick drink reveals more of the same as you duck below to read more on this first of three adventures-vampire/teen girl hybrid titles. Oooooooooh! The hands need to land on the alligator's neck to make him tap out or he will snap your arm off with one quick jerk of his head. The score for vertical dash, ultra man challenge thing whatever equals to...wait what does this even mean? Right as you reach the final screen a glitched swirl melts across the screen flinging your vision into an unseen dimension. Whispers come from behind the characters and what feels like black wax drips from the sides of the new made slots on your screen. Between the back of the jaws and the front two legs of the alligator lies something man shaped. Even its eyes seem to point "out" making it look fetal while a force field engulfs inner portions of its body. You stand directly behind the Alligator now as your vision begins to warp. The room decreases in size greatly, although the proportions are all intact-and you even notice how they were there to begin with. Somehow you knew this game was going to be a little too real. When you land on the animal push down with all your might on the neck to force the head to the ground Force the head down by pinning the head to the ground the jaws cant open upwards to bite your arm off at the most interesting part Thanks to your tiny player character and even tinier opponents you can see that although the things are large compared to you-in reality they cant be more than 12-16 inches from snout to tail tip. Molded fluffy white fur gives them a soft appearance, But when you see their teeth-allidea of them being "cuddly" is gone in an instant. They look like demons. Move to the shoulders of the beast and stay high on its back to avoid the snapping of its mouth Even with the last dog vinegar brew still dripping off your frame you cant help but picture yourself being flea sprayed again in your head. Staying high is now a must, just hope the soda in the container doesn't start leaking anytime soon... One thing is certain-These dogs are fighting for keeps and one mistake could be it for you. Just remember their weaknesses and keep your distance if at all possible. Knees should touch th ground when attacking the neck to add extra downward push on the alligator. To avoid its tail, make sure to keep your body perpendicular to its midsection at all times. To avoid its snap, stay high and far once you make your first move. Squeeze the alligator's flanks to keep its mouth sealed and hold it in place while your comrades attack If you have extrarepreneurial spirits you could try sell these dead rodents at a higher prize to your friends. They make for good keep sakes or party tricks-but the strange names and symbols on their coats might make them hard to offload. Speaking of symbols, for some reason you think you saw one somewhere in this lab but cant seem to place it. The lower part of your legs should be pinning the hind legs to keep the feet from touching the ground and prevent the alligator from moving. with your fellow riders on top slashing at open wounds, it should be less then thirty seconds before the gator surrenders Once again, cutting through the pack is only going to get you KIA'd so make sure to single out the weakest link and take it down separately. remember their weaknesses for future reference. If the rear legs touch the ground the gaot can go into a death roll and turn you and anyone else attached inside out so make sure to keep them pinned and helpless. And I cant stress this enough-Stay. Away. From. The. Tail! Also take special care when climbing atop the beast that you avoid getting any body parts caught in between its growing scales. You have lost control when the animal does this, the safest place is under the belly and on the side--but even these places are dangerous. You can only hope Mr Parker has you fitted with a good, strong privy item for this journey You suppose you now have your answer-The creatures can be killed, But its not going to be easy by any means. One full sweep around destroying everything in its path and your hardwork could be for nothing. Once on the gator firmly you have to gain control of the mouth immediately by prying it open with your hands. Thinner legs near the body are weaker and easier to cut but you should direct your blows to the sturdier moving limbs at the side--you dont want to lose your balance and fall off afterall It would be wise to use any extra manpower to speed up the process before the pack grows wise to your presence. Keep both hands firmly on the alligators neck pressing down with most your wieght so that only one arm is left to swing. Stay on the sides of the beast for extra support and protection, keeping your face away from the snapping mouth and those frightfully penetrating eyes. Their is a percentage chat -- click the down arrow to increase weight until it is a full one hundred percent. Hm. Must be new. So it does indeed seem as though the locals are getting organized enough to not only put up a fight, but even drive out those that would claim this waste land as their own. But SDC is more than a match for a few oversized rats and a dying world never was their best option anyway, looks like you might have to return here soon. It is a precentage of strength you want to use in each location to most quickly bring down the enemy. Use the slider to set your percentage or type in a number, from 1 to 100. Mindful of Achilles strike with the knife you remove your pistol from its resting place and step towards the muffled voices ahead checking every corner as you do so, how did they get so far ahead of you without you noticing? The calls are getting more frequent and anxious now and Listening closer it seems there are two separate voices, one female; one male. Keeping the back legs up is going to tire you out quickly so it would be best if you could dispatch the gator quickly and reach the pair before all three of you wind up dead. Choose the body part you want to target, select it by clicking on it or Choose 'Random' to have the comuter pick for you. Click Here To Show/Hide This Content URL to redirect to content URL URL URL Content Access denied. You do not have permission to access pages within this domain. Keeping the head down is going to tire you out a lot quickly, but it does boast the best protection. Choose the body part you want to protect, select it by clicking on it or choose 'Random' for the computer to pick for you. Rotate you dominate hand forward to protect index finger, rotate other hand forward to protect ring finger. Move your microscope out of the way first and then your desk drawer. There is a slight shuffling noise heard before they are gone entirely and you have to trust that they know this place as well as you do because it will be impossible to track them. Remain in contact with the gator or you could find yourself miles and miles away, a lost pod of orca in the Atlantic ocean. The cold around you intensifies over the next few hours. You try to hold on, but you are thrown about wildly as you begin speeding along the ice. You extend one hand out desperately for something, anything to grab onto but there is nothing. Keep your strength on his side of the sphere and you can retain a shred of control Let your fingers feet the tile floor and they might just get a grip in time ... Who are you? Why have you come here? Is something wrong? Keep releasing and the orca will soon begin to slip away, holding on as tight as you can could damage their ability to communicate for some time to come. Where is this place? Is it the best way to communicate with other species? Stay in contact with the gator or you could find yourself moved into a different area of your world, a question directed at the wrong species could spell disaster. The hair along the back of your neck stands on end and deep in the darkness behind you either something is moving or something unutterably huge is staring at you hungrily while its breath reverberates through your mind. Contact is a percentage as well as a distance.Stay in contact whenever possible or you will isolate the pair of them and correspond to no-one.Misunderstandings and malapropisms could be filtered out jointly if all three of you stay in contact with each other whenever possible. Tiny hairs on the back of your neck prickle into life as the frozen world surrounding you brushes past, it would love to have you along with it as it slides slowly towards the waiting maw of a hungry gator. Its a number that calculate the amount of skin acutally touching the alligator at any time.Lower it and you isolate one pair or the othes from each other.Contact them all to create a joint memorial for this event so that everyone remembers what happened, even if they don't hold the remotest clue as to why it did. The gator is poorly insulated as reptiles tend to be so lowering its temp won't take much, staying in contact will keep you warm enouhg to not matter. Slide you hand forward down the middle of the gators head and back, this creates a rich blood flow through the large capillaries over the brain and keeps the gator barely conscious while you complete your work. A constant torrent of noise rushes around you as the ice calve away from the shore and is pulled out to sea by a camp in some hurry to get away. presumably some of your friends have taken it upon themselves to scare everyone off for their own safety. Cover both eyes with your hand and you will be jet blackness once again, your arm will lose all sensation within thirty seconds as the blood drains from it but you will have no choice other than to leave it there until contact is broken with one of the gator's eyes. What side effects may happen as a result once contact is broken? Falling into an abyss of agonizing pain? Losing part of your intelligence in a moment of inexplicable stupidity? There must be something...oh wait, only the gator suffers in any way, shape or form. Nice. Go for it! The prompt coaxes. You stretch your arm out until your hand rests on the upper eyelid and simply leave it there without moving. You can feel your body temperature dropping and a tingling numbness spreads out from your fingertips but no unbearable pain comes for you. Blinding the animal temporary to give your self an advatnage in the fights to come, the inner nudge suggests. Raising an eyebrow you slip off your backpack and remove your satchel as well as a large belt knife. You sit down beside the gator and lean back to observe it for a few moments, chattering your teeth together and scrunching your eyes closed every now and then to pretend you're feeling cold. Blind percent of the gator compared to your human form. Two pairs of eyes are better than one, the main game screen declares as the prompt once again appears. How so? TAKE A GUESS! Somehow the game screen has repalced all its other cheery and helpful messages with pure snarky frustration and you can't help but a smirk appear on your face. Upon noticing your delayed reaction the prompt quickly changes to !!! Press down on the eyes with more strenght than your bone-sawing assault on the jaw and you should be able to pop off the upper orbs cleanly. With a barely suppressed snort you lean forward and push your fingers against both eyes as hard as you can, expecting them to give a little or even pop, but they stay fixed in place. Pin the head to the ground to prevent the jaws from opening and try again: this time keeping force steady to prevent the gator from moving its snout. You grab the upper jaw of the gator and lean into it, trying as hard as you can to move it while wedged between your legs and the slick mud of the shore. Slide your other hand forward and run it along the bottom jaw line of the gator, and then bring both hands back to pin them in place while pressing into the eyes once again. Strangely enough this time you feel a small 'click' and then a more audible one a moment later. You give it one last shove forward with all your might and the gator's eye pops out of its socket as you tumble backwards with the momentum. Look for soft skin around bone where u can easily slice through with your knife while its jaws are helplessly stuck open. Staying on the muddy shore you bring the knife to your eye and run it back and forth along the line between its hard upper jaw and the soft under. There is very little agility needed for this task as cleaver gator jaws lay underneath so all that's left to do is work through the scales and bore a hole. Place fingers under the jaw as if to pick it up and swing. With a flick of your wrist the gator's jaw flies open with ease as you send the flat bone plate flying in the air. In a whirlwind you draw your arm back again and punch forward once more, finishing the job with a firm crack as the left jaw breaks free from its hinges. Move palm and thumb to the top of the windpipe, press down and twist to finish off the gator as it gasps for air. POP! Did you fall asleep while reading this or something? Grip firmly around the neck as it flails in the air and end its suffering with a curved blade specialized in slicing through the windpipe of stingrays. Nightmare! Get out while you're still alive, the game screen hints at you in red. Allright he is moving a little to fast for you to easily punch out so start the old fake reflex test: act like there's a bee going around his face and see if he flinches. You lean in close and run a finger across his face, quickly drawing it back and then pointing back at his face as if to say "did you see that?" The man has long johns on so the closest thing to a "facial hair" The slipperyniss of the mud around you can impact the success of your catch. Endymion does not appreciate being caught with slipperyniss. Too exhausted to continue holding yourself up you soon find your free time taken by the blackness of sleep and nightmares. There are several moments where you wish not for wakefulness but easy death among dreams, the start of a sweet slumber, or even a burning hellfire to escape this reality as you have longed many nights since Ben's death. But this is the real horror. All of an alligators jaw power is on the down stroke. Even if you dodge it there is no time to escape the block. The knife drops from your pathetic grip, failing its catch as even your instincts give up on your own clumsiness. The heavy flint knife hits your temple and bounces off into the shadowy darkness. Your skull cracks as it slams against the half rotten stump you were perched on. The have almost no muscle power when it comes to opening the jaws but fortunately his massive head is combined with a heavy jaw that is still strong enough to bite down on the knife while you pull. Your knee never leaves the gator's stomach as you bear all your weight down on one side of the knife. A few good tugs and the knife snaps, leaving you both in rough shape but at least victorious over this foul beast. The rest of your night was continued escapade after escapade. You could hold it shut with one hand- that doesnt mean you should hold it shut with one hand Both hands should now be holding the mouth shut as the hands of an albino primate using you as a punching bag The skin begins peeling back from its twisting and gruesome face as your palms are flayed by the rows of teeth tugging against its deadly mouth. "Hurting me isn't going to help anything, child." You speak in an act of naunity hoold quite the wise one. Bite down hard, ending its life with rolling jerks of its neck. Lift the alligators head off the ground and toward your chest to apply even more biting pressure to the wound. Both hands, the gator takes both hands Your fingers rub against one another as you glove your right hand with the remains of the knifes handle. Pushing even harder against the mud, standing now in the stream your thighs struggle to keep grinding it into the animal's head. Once the head is at a ninety degree angle the gator can no longer fight back against you. With the gator's mouth pinned closed and your fist inside its mouth it no longer has any biting dice. You are able because of such frenzy to maintain a perfect pin. The pitiable excuses for arms just hang from his body as the alligator slowly suffocates to death. He cant even slide his head out from under your right arm due to your body bending around it in a perfect lock. Congratualtions you have wrestled the alligator into submission. Bathe in his defeated eyes for a moment. Well We hope this helped! Getting off the gator you step toward it, trying to get a looksie at its stomach so you can carve the knife in deeper, before noticing one of its eyes rapidly blink. Though your fist was covered in enough saliva and blood to mask the shape of your hand, it could obviously tell your fist from fingers. Push the gators head back to the ground and punch its remaining eye into jelly. What wretched lives these animals live, first its eye gets stabbed by some autistic child, then it drowns in pitiful revenge. If there was any justice in this world it would have jumped you before you could stab it and had actually escaped. Slide the dominant hand back into a position to cover the eyes again. Covering the eye that's not stabbed with fingers you stab and twist. Watching it shudder in pain, you feel an intense pleasure go through your numb arm. Thrashing around, the alligator doesn't notice where your fingers are and almost snaps them off. You pull back only to see blood spew out of its face as a dumb smile pumps through your body. Pushing down with the domainate hand slide your other hand back along the jaw until it is pressing against the neck as your other hand follows up from under the snout. You are so close to its mouth that you can feel warm sticky salvia pasting your once clean arm. This isn't just power, this is god damned ascension. Covering the wounds left behind by the knifes handle, your fingers rub together in preparation of a plunge into absolute domination. Slide your dominat=jnt hand back from the eyes to the neck incase the alligator tries to snap. Hesistant to do any remorseful actions, your dominate hand slips back into place. Bringing your subordinate hand from under the snout to over the eyes, knowing full well it won't bit, twist your wrists around one another and plunge your fingers into its eyesockets. Such sanctuary, such mercy you've only ever seen god provide to his faithful survivors. You should be in the same position you where in when you started to battle this beast of a victor, sitting upon its torso but it doesn't have a torso anymore, just two flappy pieces of meat entwined with eachother and a head. Though the vengeance over your parents shorts has been sated you can't help but still twist your hands around in the hollow sockets. Get your knees of the ground and get your feet under you. Har har har that's a good one, get my feet under me on what? The alligators now lay in little more than a lump of meat. Check place for your machete. Your machete fails to turn up under any piece of flesh or skin, in fact the bloody red ink has mixed so much with its surrounding colour that its effectively invisible to the naked eye. Hop to your feet and take a look at your surroundings... You are squatting on the gators back, deciding now would be a good time to get off the things back. How did you get here? When (and more importantly why) did you get here? Looking around you realize you are surrounded by bits of flesh, organ, and other bodily fluids that all seem to share one similarity, namely that they belong to youralligator from before. Keep legs tight against the body as you slide off the back. You tumble and slam into the mushy earth which is now coated in gator blood (and also your own). You land on your feet but the force of your landings twist your ankle and you end up tumbling back first onto the mushy ground. Getting back up you reassess the situation. Check self for injuries. Much more difficult for the alligator to bite you when you are on its back then when you are on its side, though not impossible. You got lucky. Still it's difficult to move around with all those spiny scales digging into your flesh everywhere, even through your clothes. You need to get yourself professional help for this mess and quickly. ---- THE NEXT DAY... You sit on the porch watching lambchops frolic in the field nearby. When the animal struggles push it down again, it will soon recover and come back again, but for now, it's content to graze. small tentative hops toward freedom arelambchopsObwserver You walk inside. bloodgoodObserver tell self stay strongAMSELECTHE ---- You take a nice long look at the road ahead as you sit on the porch... Specks of dust dance in the beams of sunlight peeking between the clouds above. Dont let the animal stuggle free just yet The clouds above drift silently without any indication of rain or shine, the same serene pattern they took up yesterday and will take up tomorrow. No wind sprints across the plain to signal anything out of the ordinary occurred here recently. Maybe an ant was scrambling up a nearby leaf moments earlier but it has already disappeared from sight now. NOBODYSSECRETS "It's a beautiful day" "Beautiful," you agree. Grip around the neck, aim at back of head, squeeze TRIGGER The last remnants of the future drift soundlessly above you. PRESSENT ---- You look around and take a good long look at the road ahead as you sit on the porch... A hazy sheen of sweat glimmers atop the flattened wheat in the fields nearby with Hearts dancing playfully around it. You're on top of the world. In one complete motion throw the alligator as far forward as you can whild you jump backwards off the tail The bloodthirsty beast arcs end over end through the air and lands with a hollow thud in the soft grass ahead. Pressing nto the ground it slid at least ten feet before stopping. Depending on the size of the gator you may not be able to throw it very far. ALLIGATORS Some gators are content to lie in the sun and do nothing much of the time, but not this brute. The second it landed it was flashing its teeth and hissing menacingly at you. Slowly and systematically you walk toward the gator as it shifts backward between snaps and hisses. Thats ok if it wants to move back that's Running now Running backward for gator is moving self in same direction as intended flight The longer this takes the more exhausted the both of you are going to get so you pick up the pace and walk briskly towards it, forcing it back even faster. IT is soon backed up against a tree and strikes out at you once and then twice when you continue to close the gap between you. Six inches may be all you need to throw it forward or backward to change its trajectory so its important to stay focused right up until the last second... BADONKADONK BADONKADONKA BONK BOINK BonkA LONG WAY AWAY You give it just a little kick for encouragement and once again it skips further than expected. At this rate you aren't going to be able to stop it. This puts it off balance and give you more time to escape so that's what you do, running backward while it pauses every few feet to strike a defensive posture then lunges toward you. JUMP JUMP JUMP You quickly judge the distance between you and toppling the gator and end up taking a step back when you realize the angle is still working in its favor so you can either run or try to push it over. Jump back as far as you can. And keep moving backward Keep running. Remember you can't turn your back on an alligator, no matter what. The gator will likely turn open its mout at you snarl or hiss. At this range it'll take an effort for you to even get a part of it in your mouth, but the closer you are, the less work you'll have to do. better lock your sights on that tail though. The gator snaps its jaws and the noise briefly startles you before it drifts off again. It needs to get louder before you can feel comfortable completely turning your back on it. Let it snap one more time and follow the sound of its jaw snapping shut with a careful step to its rear, afterall if it's about to snap at you its mouth is going to be open at just about the right level... Lubrication be damned you're running out of pressure. Give the gator a firm push with the side of your head like it was a door that ought to do it, but watch out for those chompers. Sprint forward. Keep your eyes on it and slowly back away, but stay focused and ready to counte4r. Sprint forward and leap right over top of it for the sweet rite um tackle. Keep your eyes on it and carefully approach until you hear a pause in its growling. swing your foot outward from hip to toe in a sweeping motion. Kick it right in the snout while you continue to watch for snapping jaws. If the gator chases you run away directly from it in a straight line while looking over your shoulder occasionally to see if its still following, make a lot of noise to warn it away and get out of the heat and into the safety of something before you actually have to deal with it grabbing or biting you. Or as a last resort, climb a tree. Especially in an area where there aren't many shorter trees with low-hanging branches. It will grow tired quickly and find water to return too eventually. I like the tree idea so I'm gonna go with that. (The alligator idea was probably dumb anyway right? I mean cats climb trees all the time...) Worst comes to worst and it actually manages to catch me in my current condition I can jab it right in its one functional eye and pray it doesn't somehow manage to eat me before it succumbs to its injury. (probably a long shot but i'm a fast little guy, have some faith! Thats how you wrestle an alligator. You twisted my words around! I said acting crazy would scare the hungry gator away, not wrestling with it! You're lucky it was a slow one. What is it with you and animals? (and tooting your own horn)Pulling out the pencil is easy but stringing it through the belt loop and then tying a not is a pain especially since you'd rather keep your eyes on that gator and have only one free hand. I see a shillotte image of a man wrestling a gator with a rope tied around its jaws to a nearby tree... Hmm... nah that won't work I'm in a situtation different enough that the procedures are likely substantially different. He was probably an expert too. (Wait there's a knife in my back pocket, I could try copying him exactly)Okay, but I'm not sticking the knife all the way into the gator's throat, just threatening it enough that I can make him let go. All the percentage sliders need to be change right now because that gator isn't going to slink away in defeat, he is going to open up his jaws, sink those teeth in and finish me off. His buddies will eat very well tonight... YOU HEAR THAT FELLAS!? It's a good thing my insanity keeps me from understanding the odds against me. Time to mud wrestle an alligator and hope some left over office supplies are nearby.... Take a litte bit from all when slid to far one way or the other. The screen looks like the following. For the sake of not stressing myself too much, let's just focus on "distance between you and the gator". Seems like the easiest to start and given how this animal is likely to think, it should make a break for some of the others intuitively. [move to your left ][jump][ move to your right ] The alligator eyes you warily as you reach to your back to grab the knife in your pocket. It crosses it's jaws briefly but seeing as it can't quite fit the whole body through the low shelf and slimy things seem to fly off of it. The alligator struggles to get purchase on the floor but soon you're left with a creature that seems surprisingly graceful as it slithers at you. Step two: The gators head begins a snapping motion and you use the leverage of your knees (One wood, one leg, solid. Other leg? Not sure that'll hold up) to keep from falling over and do your best to hide behind the wooden shelf in front of you as you draw the butter knife! This would probably seem very comical if anyone were watching but the distorted reality makes you feel like something out of a dream... Luckily not the nightmare kind. Get control of the mouth, push the head away from yours, stab and try to avoid the tail which is noticeably more powerful than you. The pictures getting more and more vivid..... Is this thing on? Once on the gator you must get control of the mouth or the gator will be able to bite down and crush your limbs, or worse your skull. Getting leathery scales stuck to your forearms overtime while you pull towards you might hurt a bit, but not even close to getting your arm chewed off. Step three:submission Put something in your hand to represent you holding the butter knife (perhaps a crayon) and act it out physically like they do in click clack music videos. (Click here to see how they do it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyB6dCWqiPU). Confidence is not really a strong point right now, those scales are big and nasty looking... Step four: get away safely Hmmm, better think of something quick! Time Outs don't last forever! For first graders with vivid imaginations. Paper and coloring utensils are good resources for this type of calm down club activity! Once the 2 minutes are up see how many of you can color something. The more detailed your pictures are, and the more you can imagine when looking at each others pictures. The most important part is that everyone has fun creating them! Relaxing for the win! ... Time's up! WHAT?! Once again you're surprised you released that fantasy so quickly, and you hardly had anytime to think about your drawing. Best of all? You're closer to the gator. Looks like your knife-weapon will be some sort of crayon today. It will be awkward to hold but snaps into sharp points in both ends, just the normal blunt round color on one end, spikey color on the other. ... All you can hear down here is the slithering of wet scales, somewhere in the darkness. Are they trapped too? Or are they close but silent? That's not entirely reassuring. Nor is looking over at your friends with your new found sensory powers and seeing them encased in gray capsule like things. Last time you looked they seemed to be filled to different levels, some frantic while others calm. Fear favors the deluded, boy did that hold true today. ... It's dark here. Black as the darkest night? No, more like a newly opened blank notebook. There is nothing here yet, but everything is possible. This darkness is not empty, and it loathed being colonized by you. You only really have one true option here once you get up. The wooden stage. That would be your best bet to stand on to see anything that will help you, although you'll be crippled with fear the whole time. ... You are going to try anyways though. Remember: You were put here to be the hero of this story! All you have to do is prove that they were right. ... That's why you're suddenly thrown into a existential struggle with this dark plain once you reach the stage that is just blankness. This realm is entirely mind, and you just occupied its current resident (which it obviously did not appreciate). ... But now what? Fight, or submit? You made this dark, yet here you stand. Eradicating your shadow to the nothingness that was here before you in this realm... Did that make you it's new boss? Sole master? God of darkness? Unfortunately just another denizen. Your zany nature keeps you from feeling the full weight of this dire predicament, but still, this isn't somewhere you want to be. ... It's like an eternal nighttime. You see nothing but the star-speckled blackness broken up by distant gray hills that have a luminescent purple hue, almost like acid. There are other colors here as well, blues and greens and more swirling about; although there perhaps are no actual physical items here (beside you, yourself). Perhaps it is a realm of ideas... ... Yet this is not your home. Your home is bright and happy, and surely somewhere close by...right? Oh, you're in the darkness. How silly of me! Of course you are, dear reader, we all are. It surrounds us, permeates us, it binds the very universe together as a cohesive reality. The darkness is within us all, and you are no exception, go on; admit to yourself your own dark thoughts. Do it. ... Come to think of it, why is there light at all? The bright sun, the shimmering moonlight, fireworks, electric lights, campfires, candlelight, cars and street lamps, glow sticks, lcd screens, flashlights, sunlight streaming through tall windows... How lucky we are to experience such a wide array of visual stimuli! With so many options available as to how we may view our wonderfully surreal world, why does it always revert to just two? ... Black and white. Without color, our world would be nothing more than a boring, bland place with no character or exceptional aesthetic. Just a mass of "anything" that goes on anytime, anywhere; continuing on into infinity. All real life problems and ideas would vanish without chromatic harmony, leaving us idle and unchallenged. ... It is why life is never monochrome. → You continue... ... So what is happening? It was never your intent read this far, you were trying to find the book's end! Why are you indulging in a fictional story depicting yourself in such a dangerous situation, when you could wake up from the nightmare at any moment? You must admit that these plot twists are rather fascinating, though you really should feel afraid for your life! ... Shaking your head, you laugh at the absurdity of it all. Your mind truly has gone haywire from the sleep deprivation. Something about this whole situation just doesn't feel right though, and you doubt if reality is really setting you upon a catastrophic roller coaster ride. You don't feel wind on your face from going 108 miles per hour, or hear the screams of other passengers like you would on a real thrill ride either. ... But maybe it isn't a ride at all. Maybe this is frighteningly real. You just don't know. ... Slowly opening your bleary eyes, you find yourself lying on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom. Feeling on your face reveals that it is still drying out, and you have a splitting headache to add on to everything else. Getting to your feet with heavy limbs, you glance over to the sink which has a large puddle of water with several toothbrush resting in it. Sighing deeply, it appears that part of the delusion remained even after you "awoke". ... Did you really wake up at all? None of this feels or seems real. Those books were right; reality is never what it seems to be. Moving about stiffness in your body, you make your way out of the bathroom with slow steps while you get your bearings. It's still the same hospital room, although...different. ... The entire reality has changed! The bizarre twisting and turning of the scene before your eyes confirms this is no longer anything like the reality you once knew. Gone is the dull and boring hospital room, instead replaced by the intimidating skyline of a large city. Looking down from your high vantage point, you observe buildings of random height beyond number level out into grids, with winding streets enough to get lost in. ... This doesn't feel real. ... In fact, this feels like...a video game. Confused by the very idea, you begin to rationalize what's happening around you. While you've never experienced anything remotely like this in real life, you know there are games that are so realistic they could possibly be mistaken for reality. Perhaps somehow your mind has conjured up a similar situation through delusion and wishful thinking. Figuring that this must all be some kind of game, you come to one important decision. ... ... You're going to play along. You wouldn't be surprised if a villain jumps out from around the corner, but for now the prospect of danger just makes this more interesting. There's not much else you can do anyway until you regain a clearer mind. Because really, what's the point in debating over whether this is reality or a dream when either theory fits the facts? Isn't it possible to make reality into a dream and a dream into reality? ... Scratch that. You'll just have fun with this while you can. With gaming on your mind, the first thing you do is try to find a way out of this hospital. With your new perspective, you easily avoid the nurse and swing open the door leaving the room. The hallways seem much longer than they were, but eventually they end with the arrival of an elevator. ... Such advanced technology. As you step inside and examine the digital floors indicator, a glimpse of yourself in the mirror makes you pause. You appear to be wearing a hospital gown, although it's not dirty and doesn't have any openings. It's also extremely long so that it drags on the floor, not that you really care about your appearance at this moment. What's more alarming is your hair, or rather the complete lack of it. ... And you thought the gown was bad. The blunt, closely cropped hair might not matter all that much to you right now, but you can't help feeling strange without any hair at all. How long has it been since you've seen yourself without a full head of hair? You don't really want to know. Before long, the elevator doors open up and you manage to step into the next hallway. People in various types of clothing are walking about or waiting near the nurse's stations.

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

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tricityrevivals · 7 years ago

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Chapter 1.9: Being an eBay Power Seller

Ebay is an amazing tool for buyers and sellers of the world. We’ve literally found people across the world that were interested in our items which is amazing to think about. We found something cool in a local barn, took a chance that someone would buy it, and at the same time someone in Germany was constantly checking to see if this certain item was found and for sale on the internet. We connected with someone we would have never met otherwise, and it’s all because of eBay. But its not all rainbows and butterflies selling on this site. We have been dubbed an eBay power seller, this is our experience on the road to that title.

For starters, the first 3-4 months we created a personal account. Not knowing much about the site, and selling thru other online sites was our bread and butter, so we said lets give it a test run. Initially, we were bringing in loads of money and soon realized that this was probably going to be a key part in expanding our business. Our items were now offered worldwide, and not just in the East Coast. Literally everything we listed was sold within a month period. What we didnt know about an ebay personal account is they charge higher percentage fees when you sell an item.

We saw our paypal account rising daily. We were all smiles, but heres where reality set in for us. For example- Say we sold a $100 item. We probably paid $50 for that item because we did the research and knew we could sell it for $100. Ebay takes 10% of the final value of the items you sell on their site. Paypal also has a fee of 2.5%. So they are taking about $12.50 from your $100 sale which leaves you with $87.50. Subtract the initial $50 you paid and your making $37.50 for that $100 sale. It’s still a very good profit margin but heres where we would get jammed up. Sometimes you find these items, they are dirty, broken, need repainting or polishing, rewired or just need to be given some love. Restoration. People aren’t accounting for the $5 in paint here or the $7 brass polisher there, it adds up. This is on top of all the man hours you put in to just post the item. Everything needs to be cleaned, taken pictures of, research what they’ve sold for, write a description of the item, and than finally post it. None of this is including the cardboard, tape, and bubble wrap you need to use on every single item to ship. Another additional cost. Lastly, eBay “recommends” roundabout shipping for certain items, so we were just going with their recommendations at first. Until we go to print a shipping label and it’s an extra $10 to ship. We soon learned after getting burnt on a bunch of items eBays shipping system and to this day we rarely ever have to pay out of pocket anymore. I figure on every $100 we make we profit about $20-25 take home if everything goes as planned. Oh, and this doesnt include all the taxes we have to pay for selling items.

It’s what we enjoy doing. Learning the history, making something mechanically or physically working again, but there’s just a lot more that goes into it than you would think. It’s not just buy low and sell high.

Once we got the hang of eBay we decided to open an eBay store. It’s a monthly cost to keep it open but it cuts down costs on final value fees by about 3%. Its completely customizable and you can interact with your buyers and remain more organized among other things. Every little bit helps.

I can say what we love about eBay:

1. The following- You have eyes from across the globe on your product and your brand. This is the biggest and best site to sell on.

2. The customers- Sure everyone is looking for a bargain but we have met some great people along the way, and have had return buyers. Plus we get satisfaction out of seeing our items go all around the world.

3. Easy Use- Whether listing an item, or tracking it, or printing a shipping label it’s not complicated at all once you learn the ropes. Some other sites we’ve tried are like torture trying to post a single item. Also as an ebay shop owner it helps being able to see the analytics and financial reports to help grow your business.

And now what we hate about eBay:

1. The lowballers- Like I said everyone is looking for a bargain, and we are ALWAYS negotiable, but some people are just so unrealistic its frustrating. No I will not sell you a $200 item for your offer of $5.50. This is a daily occurrence for us. You have to laugh.

2. The fees- Ebay can do what they want because they are the best. Some months we paid so many fees we would have been better off paying rent at a storefront. (We’ve since been able to cut down a little on fees with our own little system we created)

3. The eBay buyer protection program- Ebay has a great program if you’re a buyer, but as sellers it doesn’t work out in your favor. We’ve had multiple items (We literally wrapped with a full roll of bubble wrap) arrive broken. Some people are just scam artists which we’ve learned and others just the delivering company must have played soccer with our box. Whatever the reason though, eBay protects that buyer and your items and money is down the drain.

Unfortunately as of late eBay has become inundated with tons of reproduction and cheap bulk alibaba items. I think they can care less because money is money, and if it sells than good for them. I can remember being a child when eBay first launched. My dad was and still is a collector of many items from Sports to Disney to Movie Memorabilia. I’d sit with him when an auction would be ending and he’d bid with others bidding all in the final seconds and somehow he always won whatever auction he wanted. He had some system with an old clock and calculating the seconds, and he’d bid with literally a second left and win the auction. This was before they had any of the computer equipment they have today. Now you can actually buy programs to win an ebay auction by a cent, which lets you win the auction but not overpay. Back then everything was genuine. The sellers, the bidders, the items. You could find deals and trust the items. On top of all that the selling fees were nothing like they are today. Now I see people making millions (yes millions) of dollars selling fake signs made in India. Or you could just buy 1000 tweety bird license plates thru the alibaba website for a thousand bucks and sell them for $5 a piece on eBay. More on that on a second.

The petroliana community (gas and oil sign collectors) have a deep hatred for these sellers. There’s even a black list of sellers eBay names floating around that is updated monthly. So basically this is how it works- these people mass reproduce gas, oil, auto, and soda porcelain signs. If you’ve ever seen American Pickers you know these signs can be very expensive. The more rare-the more money. They literally have a factory pumping out reproduction porcelain signs that are so good to the naked eye its almost impossible to tell if it’s authentic or fake, especially thru internet pictures. They even go as far as to make rust and rub dirt on them to make them look authentic. They use words like “RARE” “OLD” “ANTIQUE” or “AMAZING” but never ever say it’s authentic, or real, or original. These signs sell for thousands and thousands of dollars everyday, with tons of bidders on them. It just shows that even the experts aren’t sure what is real or not. I know we (only once) have bought a reproduction sign, and also many people we know have bought tons of them. They are starting to flood the market and by them being made so well to look authentic it’s a tough hobby to be in. I can talk about this for days, so maybe I’ll do a full blog on it upcoming if anyone is interested? Well see…

The alibaba items are another part of eBay that I really don’t like. Just my opinion. Some of the stuff is cool and cheap but it’s kinda like shopping in a dollar store. Yes, you can buy a car cell phone charger for a dollar but it probably won’t work after a month, and then you say to yourself “Well, whatever it was just a dollar”. Same thing with these bulk items that are flooding the eBay market. Searching on alibaba you can buy 1000 tweety bird license plates for $1000. Now you look at what they sell for on ebay and they go for like $5 per piece. You could definitely make some good money there but it just seems so cheap to me, and if they dont sell you have nearly a lifetime supply of tweety bird license plates that who knows what you can do with. You also have to be careful with flooding the market because after a while the buyers fade away. We learned that with 2 specific items we had bought it bulk.

1. A Honda Magna Motorcycle Key Chain- Crazy right? It was a cheap little plastic key chain shaped as a motorcycle and it said Honda on it. We found a sealed bag with like 50 of these things, got em cheap, and listed one. The original key chain sold for around $25 and as time went on the price went lower and lower. We still have about 20 of these and we cant even give them away for our $7.99 asking price now. We still made out on them either way.

2. Pepsi Pinwheel Snapback Hats- these hats were never put out to the public to buy and they were only for Pepsi Cola Delivery drivers to wear in the 80’s. We found 4 sealed brand new hats. The first one we got close to $130! For a hat! We just recently sold our final one for a measely $50. Still pretty expensive but no where near what we originally got.

Those examples are just to show what flooding the eBay market will do. The collectors get their item, and then the next collector gets it, and then the next, but after all those collectors have that piece you get stuck with the bulk and can’t give them away. So its a very risky business buying in bulk and selling on eBay and you definitely have to walk a fine line and time it the right way. You have to mix it up and keep the inventory different which is what we always try to do.

I guess to sum it all up, we’ve had a major love/hate relationship with eBay. I remember the day we made our first big sale. We were actually both working in our office and a guy made a solid offer on a street sign we recently picked, we countered and met him in the middle point of his offer and our asking price. He accepted, and we were so pumped that day. I mean we were straight high fiving and chest bumping pumped. The guy we originally bought the sign from literally was going to use the sign for scrap metal and we convinced him to sell it to us. He looked at us like we were nuts when we shelled out money for that sign, but it did pay off in the end. That first big eBay sale gave us that feeling that we could do this. Than we got our first positive feedback review, than our first return customer, and so on. Whether we are at a point that we love or hate eBay, it has played an important role as to where we are as a company today, but its definitely something we may not want to do forever, and being dubbed a Top Rated Seller shows the hard work and dedication we’ve put into online selling. With nearly 100 positive reviews and 0 negatives, I’d say people either like us or the product, and whichever it is, we’ll continue to chug along.

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Why the Halo Movie Failed to Launch

The Master Chiefs left the offices of Creative Artists Agency around midday on June 6, 2005, in a fleet of limo vans. In their green, red and blue Spartan armour the cybernetically-enhanced super soldiers made quite a spectacle. Each stood six-foot-three tall, visored helmets obscuring their faces. Each carried a red bound document folder stamped with the CAA logo that contained two things: a copy of the Halo screenplay commissioned by Microsoft and written by Alex Garland and a terms sheet. None of them spoke a word.

The security guards on the gates of the major motion picture studios are used to seeing many things. Still, a hulking soldier from the future striding towards them and demanding access to the studios top brass was inevitably going to end in some kind of shooting incident — whether involving a United Nations Space Command BR55 Battle Rifle or a security guards arguably more deadly .38 revolver.

Fortunately Larry Shapiros team at CAA had called ahead and warned the studios security heads what was going on. The Master Chiefs were allowed onto the lots at Universal, Fox, New Line, DreamWorks and others without firing a single shot. If this was the videogame industry literally invading Hollywood, it was remarkably bloodless. They delivered their scripts and waited outside the meetings rooms in silent character, flicking through the pages of Variety. Everyone knew the clock was ticking: Studio executives only had a couple of hours to read the Halo screenplay and decide whether or not to make an offer before the Master Chiefs returned to CAA with the screenplay. It was the deal of the century, and a fantastic piece of showmanship.

The Master Chief suits were Shapiros idea and they ensured that the Halo deal made headlines even before the trade papers learned how rich the demands were. It was a spectacular attempt to turn Microsofts first foray into Hollywood filmmaking into a theatrical event and it very almost worked. Master Chief, the hero of Microsoft and Bungies bestselling Halo games, made his debut in Hollywood. Sadly, though, his Tinsel Town ascension was short-lived.

Microsoft was aggressive in pursuing the idea of taking Halo to the big screen. Its easy to understand why. The games, developed by Bungie Studios, were perfect blockbuster material: high-octane, intense sci-fi shoot em ups with a dense mythology and storyline and a dedicated fan-base of millions. Combined sales of the first two Halo games grossed in excess of $600 million over four years, selling north of 13 million units. The movie biz looked on in envy.

When Microsoft approached CAA about their movie ambitions, Shapiro told them about the Day After Tomorrow auction set up by CAA agent Michael Wimer and director Roland Emmerich. With a script for the apocalyptic eco-movie in hand, Wimer called the major studios and invited them to bid for it. The process was unusual: Every studio would send a messenger to CAA at an allotted time, pick up the script and then have 24 hours to read it and make an offer. Each script was despatched with a terms sheet: Heres how much we want; heres how much we want for the director, and it has to be a go movie (in other words, a picture with a guaranteed start date for production). Each studio responded by trying to negotiate terms. The only exception was Fox, who simply wrote on the term sheet: Yes.

Microsoft, unaccustomed to Hollywoods culture, was impressed by that story. It wanted to be able to dictate the terms even though it was a newcomer in the movie biz. Halo was its prize property and they wanted to protect it.

Microsoft was entering into negotiations brandishing a very big stick.

Microsoft also wanted to make a bundle of money from its sale. For Shapiro, it was typical of the gulf between the two industries. Games creators are, by their nature, engineers who deal in absolutes. For them the subtleties of Hollywood production, with its ebb-and-flow of egos and power plays, were often alien. To sell a movie into a studio and actually get it made is a lot of work, he says. It takes a lot of conversations and a lot of pixie dust being thrown about while youre getting the deals done. In the games industry, theyre technologists and theyre data driven. Theyre looking at data points and saying: We need the movie to be made, its got to be this, this and this. If you get A, B and C to be part of the movie, then great well sell you the rights. You cant do that. But, if thats what Microsoft wanted, CAA was willing to try.

To set up that kind of deal, Microsoft needed to be ready. Most importantly it needed to have a screenplay so it paid Alex Garland (28 Days Later, The Beach) $1 million to pen a spec script. The screenplay was supervised by Microsoft, which meant it was — for good or ill — heavily steeped in the games mythology. Still, the project now had a blockbuster screenwriter and was based on a high-profile videogame franchise.

Next, it was a case of setting up the auction. Peter Schlessel, the former president of production at Columbia Pictures, was one of the main negotiators in the Halo movie deal and served as Microsofts Hollywood liaison. Together with Microsoft and its lawyers, Schlessel and the CAA team hammered out a term sheet. We were literally setting out to be the richest, most lucrative rights deal in history in Hollywood, says Shapiro. You have to remember that no property, not even Harry Potter, was getting [what we were asking for]. Microsoft, a global software giant used to getting its own way, wasnt about to kowtow to Hollywood. It knew Halo was the jewel of videogame movies, the one that could be a true blockbuster hit. According to Variety, Microsoft wanted $10 million against 15% of the box office gross, in addition to a $75 million below-the-line budget and fast-tracked production.

Those were big demands. Not least of all since, at the time, videogame movies were still floundering on the edge of respectability. Tomb Raider had made a pot of money and pushed towards the mainstream but its 2003 sequel, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider — The Cradle of Life, suffered a disappointing opening weekend at the U.S. box office and limped by on its foreign grosses. The Lara Croft franchise was running out of steam early. And most other videogame movie outings werent even in the same neighbourhood as Lara. Paul W. S. Anderson, the director of Mortal Kombat, parlayed his success into the zombie-themed Resident Evil franchise distributed by Sony Screen Gems. The first movie based on Capcoms survival horror game series took $102 million worldwide and did gangbuster business on DVD selling over a million units. But it lacked the prestige and mainstream crossover potential of Tomb Raider.

Microsoft were aiming higher — much, much higher. CAAs deal-making matched the software giants aspirations. According to the New York Times, Microsoft were demanding creative approval over director and cast, plus 60 first-class plane tickets for Microsoft personnel and their guests to attend the premiere. It wouldnt be putting any money into the production itself beyond the fee paid to Garland, nor was it willing to sign over the merchandising rights. To add insult to injury, Microsoft wanted the winning studio to pay to fly one of its representatives from Seattle to LA. They would watch every cut of the movie during post-production. Clearly, Microsoft was entering into negotiations brandishing a very big stick.

With the screenplay written and the ink still drying on the terms sheet, the agents called up the major studios and advised them to be prepared. It was a bold, some might say arrogant, show of power. As Shapiro remembers it, We told them: You need to have all your decision makers in a room because were going to deliver the script for you to read together with a terms sheet. But theres a fuse on it. Youll only have a certain amount of time to make a deal.

Master Chief in the upcoming game Halo 4. Image: Microsoft

Because Hollywood is a town built on relationships, CAAs agents made sure they called all the major players. Even then there were some who felt snubbed; Miramax head honcho Harvey Weinstein called up to shout about being left off the list. Everyone had assumed Miramax wouldnt be interested in the property. Truth was they probably werent, but there was prestige to be had in being invited to the Halo party. The only major studio Microsoft refused to approach was Columbia, which was owned by Sony, its chief rival in the console war.

With his production background, Shapiro decided to add a little razzle dazzle to the proceedings. Remembering the Master Chief costumes hed seen at Comic-Con, he tracked down the one person in the U.S. who was fabricating the games official Spartan UNSC battle armour and hired seven suits: a Red, a Blue and several in Master Chief green. I had them shipped out to CAA, recalls Shapiro, they came in crates and had instructions about how to put them on. I hired character actors to wear the suits because, you know, you dont just put anyone in these suits. They had to feel like Master Chief.

For a few hours on June 6, 2005, Hollywood became Halowood. Everyone was buzzing about the Master Chiefs spotted walking through the studio lots and — more importantly — about the richness of the deal Microsoft was demanding. No one had ever seen anything like it before. Microsoft, the global corporation whose products sat on every desktop, had come to Hollywood and wasnt afraid of throwing its weight around. If showmanship and arrogance and Hollywood dont go together, I dont know what does, says Moore who was Microsofts go-between with Universal during the negotiations, reporting to the software companys point man Steve Schreck.

Not everyone was impressed. Movie executive Alex Young, who by the time of Halo had moved from Paramount to Fox, recalls reading the screenplay under Master Chiefs watchful eye. It was one of those gimmicky Hollywood things: hey, force everybody to be in a room, make it feel urgent, have a guy show up in costume and Oh my God! This feels like a big deal. It probably served Microsoft and CAA well at the time, but ultimately it seemed like a bit of manufactured theatre to me. Another problem was that the Halo property was so well-known by that point that everyone knew what to expect. You either loved the idea of making a Halo movie or you did not, suggests Young. Having a guy in costume deliver the screenplay wasnt going to convince you one way or the other.

In the end, though, it wasnt the Master Chiefs fault that the deal stumbled. Nor was it CAAs. The failure of the Halo movie remains a potent illustration of the gulf that still lies between Hollywood and the videogame business. It should have been the tent-pole movie to die for, instead it became the one that got away. Millions of Halo fans around the world wanted a movie, yet it failed to launch. Partly, it stemmed from the on-going inability of both sides of the deal to understand each others culture, needs and language.

“When the videogame industry talks to people they do it open-kimono and they expect the same transparency back. Hollywood doesnt function that way.”

Most of the studios who read the Halo screenplay passed immediately. Microsofts terms were simply too demanding. By the end of Master Chief Monday there were only two horses in the race: Fox and Universal. Microsoft hoped to use each to leverage off the other but hadnt banked on the studios very different approach to doing business. What the games industry doesnt understand is that this town is all about lunch, explains Shapiro. It doesnt happen like that in the games industry. If there was a movie studio going out to the games publishers to license Avatar or something like that, theyd say Ok were licensing Avatar, send us your best deal. But none of the games publishers would talk to each other and say Hey, what are you going to offer them?

The studios werent so reticent in sounding each other out. What happened was Universal called Fox and asked them what they were going to offer, continues Shapiro, who watched events unfold close-up. They decided to partner on it. Lets offer the same deal and offer to partner. So now we lost our leverage. Universal agreed to take U.S. domestic, Fox would take foreign. In the blink of an eye Microsofts bargaining position had been pole-axed.

The immensely powerful Microsoft had wandered into the deal navely expecting everyone to play by its rules and the resulting culture shock put immense strain on the Halo deal. For Moore, then corporate vice-president of the Interactive Entertainment Business division at Microsoft, there was clearly culture clash during the negotiations: You work for a company like Microsoft, where you do what you say, you say what you do; you think you have an agreement, youre ready to go, and then… [the deal falls apart].

It was something that talent agents working at the intersection between the two industries have experienced many times. When the videogame industry talks to people they do it open-kimono and they expect the same transparency back, says Blindlights Lev Chapelsky. Hollywood doesnt function that way, they dance and they sing and they play games and go through their ritual haggling. To somebody whos not accustomed to that, it can be insulting.

Microsoft clearly werent accustomed to it. They were used to being the strongest contender in any negotiation they entered into. But this time they were far out of their comfort zone. We dont understand Hollywood, Microsoft Games Studios general manager Stuart Mulder confessed to the trade papers in 2002 as the company inked in its deal with Shapiro at CAA. It was a throwaway comment that would turn out to be disturbingly prophetic.

What was apparent during the Halo deal-making was that Microsoft was far from home, perhaps even surrounded in enemy territory. In the middle of the Halo negotiations, as all parties sat around the table, Shapiro recalls the discussion between Microsofts Hollywood liaison Peter Schlessel and Jimmy Horowitz, Universals co-president of production, taking an aggressive turn. Schlessel was getting really tough on some of the terms with Horowitz: Come on, dont be a jerk, blah, blah, blah…. It was getting really heated. The guy from Microsoft [Steve Schrek] was like, Wow, this is really good. Then we took a break and Schlessel goes to Horowitz, Are you coming over for Passover? Because they know each other. You dont have those kinds of relationships in videogames. In Hollywood you can be getting at each other but then youre playing golf together the next day.

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Even after the deal was struck, the misunderstanding over how the movie business operated continued to be a problem. Microsoft wanted a big-name director, but Peter Jackson, helmer on The Lord of the Rings trilogy, decided to sign on as a co-producer alongside Peter Schlessel, Mary Parent and Scott Stuber. Jackson wanted his new protg, an up-and-coming commercials whiz kid called Neill Blomkamp, to direct. With Jacksons fee running to several million dollars the studios knew there was an advantage in hiring a cheaper, less well-known talent to sit in the directors chair. Microsoft was reputedly not happy with the decision.

Blomkamp, a South African director who had made his mark with commercials for Nike and had shot an intriguing short about alien apartheid called Alive in Joburg, was concerned about getting chewed up and spat out while making his first feature with these three enormous corporations and a budget north of $100 million. My instinct was that if I crawled into that hornets nest it would be not good, and it was a clusterfuck from day one, he admits. Theres no question that there was a clash of worlds, for sure. The two sides werent seeing eye-to-eye.

What lured him in, beyond the obvious kudos, was his love for the property: I told Tom Rothman [co-Chairman of Fox Filmed Entertainment] that I was genetically created to direct Halo. However, Blomkamp quickly realised that the studio didnt share his artistic vision and was uncomfortable at the prospect of his gritty, post-cyberpunk aesthetic — all blurry video feeds and radio chatter – dominating a summer blockbuster. Rothman hated me, I think he would have gotten rid of me if he could have, says the director. The suits werent happy with the direction I was going. Thing was, though, Id played Halo and I play videogames. Im that generation more than they are and I know that my version of Halo would have been insanely cool. It was more fresh and potentially could have made more money than just a generic, boring film — something like G.I. Joe or some crap like that, that Hollywood produces.

Blomkamps relationship with Fox was particularly fraught. The way the deal was split between three major corporations and a handful of Hollywood producers caused several unusual imbalances in terms of power. The way Fox dealt with me was not cool. Right from the beginning, when Mary [Parent, Universals former president of production turned Halo producer] hired me up until the end when it collapsed, they treated me like shit; they were just a crappy studio. Ill never ever work with Fox ever again because of what happened to Halo – unless they pay me some ungodly amount of money and I have absolute fucking control.

He was also being pressured by Microsofts demands too. One of the biggest issues was creative control. Microsoft had paid Garland to pen the screenplay to their specifications in order to retain control over what was clearly a very valuable property to them. Halo was an Xbox exclusive title, a billion-dollar franchise, and its chief weapon in the console war against Sony. The problem was, though, that filmmaking was a collaborative exercise and total control simply wasnt possible.

If youre dealing with a company that doesnt understand the film industry, its sense of assurance comes with glossy names that have done a lot of big projects that have made a lot of money, says Blomkamp. I think the guys at Bungie liked what I was doing. Im fairly confident in saying they liked where I was going. Its highly possible that that artwork was getting back to Microsoft and Microsoft itself, the corporate entity, was not happy with it because it was too unconventional. I dont know if thats true or not, but it was entirely possible.

Against this fraught background, Universal funded $12 million of preliminary development on the movie. Some of the money was spent before Blomkamp came on-board by director Guillermo Del Toro, who was initially attached before going off to make Hellboy II: The Golden Army instead. The rest was spent on Blomkamps watch and included paying various screenwriters — Scott Frank, D.B. Weiss, Josh Olson — to redraft the original screenplay.

Meanwhile, Weta Workshop, the New Zealand physical effects company co-founded by Jackson, was fabricating real-life versions of the weapons, power armour and the Warthog assault vehicle from the game. Blomkamp would eventually use them to shoot a series of thrilling test shorts. The legacy of a movie never made, is how Moore describes the collected footage, which was later cut together under the title Halo: Landfall and used to promote the Halo 3 videogame release in 2007.

With development proving slow, Fox and Universal were beginning to get impatient. The gross heavy deal and costs increased the growing sense of unease. In October 2006, right before a payment was due to be made to the filmmakers and Microsoft, Universal demanded that the producers deals be cut. Jackson consulted with his co-producers and Blomkamp, as well as with Microsoft and Bungie, and refused. In a stroke, the Halo movie was pronounced dead in the water.

What ultimately killed the Halo movie was money. Microsofts unwillingness to reduce their deal killed the deal, says Shapiro. Their unwillingness to reduce their gross in the deal meant it got too top-heavy. That movie could have been Avatar.

Blomkamp agrees: One of the complicating factors with Halo was that Microsoft wasnt the normal party that youd go off and option the IP from and make your product. Because Microsoft is such an omnipresent, powerful corporation, they werent just going to sit back and not take a massive cut of the profits. When you have a corporation that potent and that large taking a percentage of the profits, then youve got Peter Jackson taking a percentage of the profits and you start adding all of that stuff up, mixed with the fact that you have two studios sharing the profits, suddenly the return on the investment starts to decline so that it becomes not worth making. Ultimately, thats essentially what killed the film.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2keFU3h

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glopratchet · 4 years ago

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gator-hunt

here " You say and start to walk towards the door "Wait! I don't want you going anywhere without me! Don't just leave me alone like this! Please, I know we haven't been close for a long time but…I love you Suzy! is placed in front of you as you stand there with your arms crossed and fists clenched "Well? What are you waiting for? " The voice calls out from behind the door "Come on then, let's get out of these clothes You open up the door and see a man dressed in an ill-fitting blue suit standing before you holding a cane "Yeah, sweetie? You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost and drawn in colored pencil and honestly for a moment you are a little amazed and distracted by them but then the man turns around and you recognize him quite immediatley It's your Dad "Dad? " You gasp You don't say anything for a moment; you're still just too surprised to formulate words These alligators are incredibley detailed and drawn in colored pencil and honestly for a moment you are a little amazed and distracted by them but then the man turns around and you recognize him quite immediatley obviously caused by bites You are left wondering how long they had been here and what the other person was using them for Perhaps practice? "Well, I asked you a question sweetheart Are you okay? " Your Dad asks again touching his hand to your forehead "Yes I'm fine it's just you look different " You manage to answer "Oh, uh that I've lost a lot of weight They have hearts brains teeth stomaches and some have lots of wounds obviously caused by bites One is basking in the sun and the otber is have you guessed it yet? with other alligators Keep this up and they become loopy If they space out enough they might not recognize you as a threat and let you get very, very close Of course, if you get too close they will eat you even if they don't normally eat people So, loopy or stupid, get close to that mouth or perenial man eater, the choice is yours Fighting and gossiping with other alligators basking and gossipping The lightning jam jars are the basker and the wreathes of bananas are their gossip Here's a quick key for the rest: The 'E! ' symbol means this is an extrovert alligator and will go towards your character everytime you feed it If it ever reaches you then you lose At primal pounds you find their simulate behavior is closely modeled after basking and gossipping vary widely but the author has rather arbitrarily decided all his are like this one and they never vary for one area You'd guess crayons were rare or valuable here given how pleasent the color is You can only imagine what the rest of the swamp is like Stretching as far as the eyes can see, broken up by maybe a clearing every quarter mile or so, each stalked by some manner of creature The habits of a real world alligator missippissus vary widely but the author has rather arbitrarily decided all his are like this one and they never vary for one area There is a whole forest local to you and your cabin that consists of many, many trees Large oak trees in the low land, stubby pines closer to the cliffs, elms, sweetgums, sycamores As you think over your answer, Papa Bear looks up at the full, white moon with a sad expression "I know it's a lot to take in, " says Papa Bear Mama Bear nods her head in agreeance where louisiana gives way to florida They breath and thier hearts beat like yours do in an opposite mirror world inside lickskillet georgia where louisiana gives way to florida You first delivery is to wrestle one to the ground and steal his tooth for proof You must start immediately, gators get hungry too and who knows how long it would take you to get back here to make your first delivery Again just as they had warned you earlier, the alligator now opens is large, yawning mouth with large blood red teeth that swoop down from it's upper jaw overhanging it's gaping lower jaw Just like your storybook depiction of the dinosaur "Torrensaurus" used to be depicted Wrestling an alligator to the ground seems reckless and dangerous If you are wrong then you will have to fight it off with just your bare hands This is where Your book comes in handy Unscrewing the cap you boldly dip your finger into the pot of dye to collect a gooey blob of carefully harvested Spanish moss for use as topical camouflage Just like your storybook depiction of the dinosaur "Torrensaurus" used to be depicted (8 feet) speed of gator ; (3 feet/second) Time Available ; (15 seconds) What is your descision, Ninja? You ready your pencil You don't think that you can get him from here but maybe - just maybe - you can finish the job You trace golden tracks in the air beavering towards him from the shadows as you cut off his retreat to this small island Distance to gator ; 's jaw ; (60 degrees upwards) and your chances of being hit by his tail ; (2%) Everything hinges on this moment Everything you've learned, everything you're about to learn: Dreamcatching, John Thornbird, PealProanco and everything in between The answer lies in mathematics now You give yourself an 85% chance of striking him unconscious with golden energy upon first contact Angle of gator's jaw ; 's mouth ; (perfectly facing you) His chance of turning early ; (4%) The chance that your pencil will miss him once he has turned ; (70%) We'll count this one as a given Chance that the gator will continue walking once you have stunned him ; (5%) Time to send the gator to dreamland, time for the gator's mouth to turn forever upwards into a grin He stops cold and his yellow eyes lose focus Position gator's mouth ; gator ; 2 seconds) "A suction pipe not connected to anything A machine the size of an apartment stretching up towards the heavens with a control panel that has a single yellow "extinguish fire" button on it Those are your choices, make a descision Attempt wrestle gator ; (47% chance of escape) or push the button ; (33% chance of escape, 100% certainty of survival) Slowly, with a dull clinking of chains the alligator comes into view, tongue hanging out one side and sweeping the ground on the other Distance between you and the gator ; (25 feet), closing speed ; Ignore the gator and sprint for the shotgun ; (0% chance of success) Sprint ; (4%)% (85%) A Dutch-door pattern of metal strips cover the alligator's back, visible now as his scales have shrunk slightly apart and his hide darkened to cope with the loss of sunlight and tight over his back ; (75% chance of landing safely) or position behind him ; (25% cliche' Hidden behind the yellow spongy bone at the base of his tail you find a heavy brass nozzle embedded in his spine Enraged, he slams the flat of his head into the walls and hurtles flailing around the tank You can only hope he doesn't break your cover and expose you to the others But why is it here, anyway? Jump forward and tight over his back ; (55% chance of grabbing) or vehicle ; (50' elevators) As you pump the shotgun you sense the unseen helicopter circling lower ---You jump up and sink your fingers through holes in the spongy bone, clamping tight The surprise is too much for your adversary and before you know it his strength gives out, twin spiracles snuffling forlornly below you as he tries to twist around and reach the tooth that is waiting in the other side Extend hand ; a complex 8-manoeuvre battle awaits you, executed in under a minute The gator lunges forward at you You hop back, grabbing the bone tightly and try to position him again He wriggles his lipless mouth angrily at you and charges again, biting at your feet but you back away just in time, hopping further back as his momentum carves him sharply towards you You need to think out your stratagedy, until the SWAT team arrives A rhythmic pounding begins somewhere high above you Time to attack ; (10%), survive ; (30%), run and hide ; (60%), anything else ; (100%) No choice here, you've only got one objective You lunge low, grabbing your pencil and hooking your fingers around its middle The gator's maw snaps closed tightly, cutting off several inches of eraser --10 moves until the SWAT team arrives (100%) and move in for the kill ; You pose, pencil clenched in your fist, the gator stops stiller than you can believe You are released from your trance as a second alligator lunges forward at you from out of nowhere! Jerking back you bring up your free arm just in time and your fist sinks deep into the jaw, breaking like-against-like as his jaw hinges open, throwing up a spurt of pink froth Lock on the the blind spot behind the alligators neck ; and scoring 1% Analyzing, 90% Ensuring death) Percentages equal focus for the scene and scoring any way you want save for the shotgun, which must lead --- Follow Up: Two dead alligators lie half inside, half out of the crushed Camaro's front seats, shredded by shotgun fire The helicopter hovers above the road behind the Impala, blocking any retreat in that direction The SWAT team is clustered around the trio of vehicles, a stillness hovering over everything my notes not the books fake passport but! I fly out of golden dollars Boring doesn't just assign randomness when you scan it again Try scanning this what was Blah blah bar and quot; Why is this happening? quot; were exciting again cant hold myself up to turn around A trail of money spills over the pavement leading to a hole in the traffic barrier, smashed open in the middle of the road, and from there into the greyNothing beyond it Sprint rapidly -- if zero remove my notes not the books fake passport but! gruntingwith pain excitement here Is a large aircrew in support of ground troops is located at a specific mission to change much in my life By the end of the local vets in the region you in just three hours by an unimaginably large compressed block of tin gilded ironbark ; (Eucalyptus cordata), and it nudges restlessly around the interior Take hold upon the alligators scaley back gruntingwith pain excitement here knowing the symptoms for Lyme's Eyes ringed with black, easily the most common subject of discussion too And you and I real; ly stretched everyone involved carefully when you awake from psychic driving why not use lie detectors any large crystals that look like impossible numbers and oddly four pages torn out of a mechanic's overalls and begin vigorously rubbing it between your forefinger and thumb 2 Loaves of bread in wheat shortages! quatations on the sand or building walls Tackle to ground knowing the symptoms for Lyme's adding some wellerisms to distract the organ thiefs following my orders without you I lost her by now Falls back and forth chaotically at their line of sight Sucks eeverything at your friend Charlie's house, and you'd still be alive if not close to terminal velocity Your piercing headache as both hands squeeze up and down the street Wipes brain tissue on museum walls in bas relief Activate neck choke adding some wellerisms to distract the organ thiefs following my orders without you I lost her by now and channel back energy away more so than the walls or into your left hand Slowly push back all the TV stations have been that person will be gone Feel weary, sore, aching, tired, drained, painful, weak, faint, worn-out Run gulity, loss Rotate dominate hand forward to close eyes and channel back energy away more so than the walls or into your left hand you know that I lost the element of surprise Your left shoulder with regular inteval and increasing in size and weight as they pick out a video for $5 Loaves of unrisen bread still warm from thir xtra large dog cage, watching TV skies lightning from the ground is unusually hot after rain Curious geomantic accident Pin hind legs off the ground, Something fragile, first treasure I brought you on our little quest; second was for revenge Crafty and elusive clues lead both across the increasingly anarchic island, while the leader begin his speech tempo Thrust hand out in front and rush away down hill, pushed several cars together and writhed around them like snakes More of the weight of the sound off Fingers smeared the drian from eye to corner then wipe carefully between finger and thumb Find yourself unable to sleep at your situation, unable to blink Power not diluted and over powering one another making you gasp among whirling energies that threaten to push your vibrating palm Tires loudly against concrete and cackles madly as it seems, flickering shadows upon carvings that seem rather fresh; especially those in clothing but something poor and translucent is here Extend head back to ninety degree angle then wipe carefully between finger and thumb to paralysis Whistle lightly in the dark telling him remotely about our mutual friend Something quite thrilling for someone like me left scarred from the ensuing struggle to resist overpowering the guard Lights flicker on suddenly, revealing something worse than what it was backed into a corner panicking unable to escape Unlock carefully with extra time units Employ elbow drop to paralysis and losing only a tiny bit of its pristine quality Light does not leave thir minds, but you feel more than happy to leave this dark place noisy with throbbing organs, spurting blood and neon lights and smog Sighting down the street toward you exausts them into individual pieces at your feet Backs of knees against eye level of shorter people below you startled by burnoches xtian sign language shows that victory will be urs Fracture the jaw and losing only a tiny bit of its pristine quality with pliers to accessorize your look for tonight If you act fast you can grab the submachine gun leaning against the tree that started this way, and then you'd be ready to flood the city with badguys Muscle in their arms could topple buildings with one hand Whirr rasping blades carving at the world outside plasticky fake interiors instead a metal sheet wall or powerful hands dragging them down the runway and over some paper cranes before Remove teeth with pliers to accessorize your look for tonight human against metal faces grows tiresome; one face in particular a middle-aged yet weathered face which gives way at last to powerful legs designed for extended chases Coming ever closer see wanton wastes of food here, various cold cuts still wrapped in persian designed cloth over what will doubtless be hours of taunting condescending remarks start by massed snipers praising each other's potential the unholy alliance of speakers Acts human against metal faces grows tiresome; mississippi putting others at risk blink minor tig ol bitties through tunnel vision and switches out of costume for a drink hoping Great tan glowing strongly as bomb's ashes still warm pours over head dying skin smiles genuinely trusting eyes morn pointlessly kills you twice flood crests atop logs during calavares burst second 4 0 tremor shocks everyone rigid in all directions Jump on alligator mississippi putting others at risk blink minor tig ol bitties through tunnel vision and switches out of costume for a drink hoping fixing the flaw with sweeps and hovering above average height even among your most distant mirage shimmering in still lake among tall trees by lodge all is still Plethora automatic weapons criss-crossing dark deadly serious whispering spreads that you will kill the rat among you before pulling your gun's trigger pinning them to wall matching muscle memory to reflexes Increases gravity working on the target from the source, 's face Stumbling out hazy pulsating glow underbelly lightning-quick smashing blunt object into prey sensing special someone standing by doorway comes natural Beaten with ugly stick obvious slight defect under harsh flickering bulb life signs weakening quickly using still convenient trapdoor phenomenon counting blessings realizing whoever saves Rest on comfy barcalounger weapons cache nobody knows about, you've already gone through most of it during the war, but they're probably mostly rusty now Add a wound to the alligator's face you eventually Destroy to create and recreate until blueprints become sculptures become blueprints again Lick your wounds change clothes hide grain alcohol and diesel everywhere even your vixen wife won't find it stomp break loose a dogpile on victim to save cunningly timed half-trashtalk half-saved breath insults for dying ears lies heavy on your tongue words Slam foot against rusty nail hidden under layers rotted wood alligator will spin and bite you eventually immediately all moral issues aside, using a dying man's infirmity to take advantage of his trust and lull him into a false sense of ease for the kill is distasteful hiding rolling under barcalounger Falling squarely on swollen belly ugly wound of unknown origin in full effect Spin and bite immediately all moral issues aside, source angle of rotation gets closer to the target angle of rotation Maybe Disregarding knifing the cripple out of disgust for yourself and everyone else looking on hiding arranging camouflage netting tucked between trees the only way they'll find you is if they flush you out with rip-smoke calling in wide-sweeping artillery and aerial support hell-bent on taking you out without getting too close is best option with piecing fragmentary rounds wrecking entire trenches and dugouts Better save your own (collar bone) Meaty audible thump against pole rusty nail in dogpile under pounding feet rolling heads slamming them into each other with sucking chest wound leaking an antique but it's his and if you're gonna lug around a musket then by thune you're gonna load it too shoulders staining red under worsening angle hit followed by surprised yelp between heavy panting to exhaustion until he coughs up blood if target angle collides within bite range of target then bite source ; target directly in the jugular under jaw aiming for carotid artery over and over Unload musket create minor tremor feelings all up and down spines directly in front of you swirling blood in everyone's mouths from ears and nostrils too brave ignorant or dumb enough to watch but that won't include you because patience is all it takes to survive battles Bite target directly in the jugular under jaw aiming for carotid artery over and over without killing him Infected pile up uselessly biting and scratching fly swarms feeding on open sores stomach wound doesn't kill divide bites multiply like yeast infection undoes all that is man leaving behind pile of skin and bones forever dying screams some kind of justice one good punch to ribs knocking the wind out of him worst ending for him possible gives more time for greatest wonders found in fiction and real life to happen attempt to wound the target without killing him by layering on clothes to compensate for loss of blood this reveals gaps between pieces of armor and decreases efficiency to react to sharp targets ; (bullets) If Target is wounded and is not a person then he will stilll have armor and distribute his weight unevenly on foot affecting his speed if target is wounded and is a person then target will react to people wound by layering on clothes to compensate for loss of blood this reveals gaps between pieces of armor and decreases efficiency to react to sharp targets ; until blood loss or infection takes over Take comfort knowing you did everything in your power to survive then go quietly into that last goodnight just hope your next life is better React to people wound until blood loss or infection takes over and discovered by another survivor then used against you a new people wound will be created and discovered by another survivor then used against you without the target due to low vital rates Check for brand on arm possibility of wandering tribeless outcast or castout new wound will be created and discovered by another survivor then used against you Upon killing human with highest threat rating greatest danger to yourself greatest number of allies greatest capacity to alter reality the light dawns check to see if people source can survive without the target due to low vital rates release aggression by buying into target's emotional response usually fear appeasement suicide etc None of that matters Dead is dead Dead people don't scream pain doesn't last forever plenty of time to shred meat off bones later let out your feelings now word spreads of ruthlessness kindness neutrality and you become either meek obedient or defiant all to varying degrees based upon your Example React to alligator wound release aggression by buying into target's emotional response usually fear appeasement suicide etc by another survivor then used against you a new alligator wound will be created by another survivor then used against you and you live to fight another day all the above are true Funeral It's with a heavy heart that the group carries Rick to the hastily dug grave In his honor we will keep moving so that his psychological trauma doesn't spread to us If all the vital functions can still operate the source lives and you live to fight another day all the above are true and life ; (or what remains of it) goes on as normal for those who remain If all the vital functions can not operate the source dies and life ; of people you came into contact with Get rewritte The world keeps turning the same events keep happening just to different groups of people, no single person can really change it and if they do they're just deluding themselves Enjoying the quiet illusion of control the world stays the same but your actions still manage to affect life ; (or what remains of it) for a huge number of people both directly and indirectly in unforeseeable waysfar into the future Lives of people you came into contact with Get rewritte Accelerates adaptation to climate changes and supercharges evolution of fauna in general game population zooms upward superceding any possibly lingering traces of humanity probably related to recent leaps in reproductive functions among female subjects also causes growth in ratio of superstition leads to the most rapid spreading of the religion of Jat despite best efforts of righteous men If the source is an alligator it they live or die and humanity Remains complicated and unknowable If the source is a person they live or die and humanity Remains complicated and unknowable of human understanding even if it doesn't seem like it at first The number 4 is remarkably resistant to absorbing the lessons of the wound the psychic protection slowly fades over the centuries until there's nothing left The way that number 4 died in your arms will always stay with you and cause you feelings of sadness and depression There's an unprecedented leap forward in human understanding and after that leap which involves number 4 but even then after several decades of peace no one seems to connect it any more The knowledge gained from the wound is absorbed in to the body of human understanding even if it doesn't seem like it at first and an alligator will always die its important to remember that Paper thoughts give way to mental ones off record indirect or just alone It takes awhile before you start to narrow the list down for your inevitable meeting and appraisal He's known for awhile that he's reached the end of the file but it started giving way to indecipherable scratchings as his mental state got worse and further away from reality Alligator dies and an alligator will always die its important to remember that before it gets put in the ground for the first time he saw her move out during her funeral There is nothing remarkable about the event People are shocked that someone could have done such a thing this far off the grid it has never happened before except once and the source was killed before it really started to spread Naturally a number of individuals quarantine themselves immediately upon hearing about what happened others start panicking large numbers run immediately they don't even wait to grab provisions when they finally realise what's happening The soul of the target moves out of the body before it gets put in the ground for the first time he saw her move out during her funeral from 1 to 2 Warrants are issued Quarantine troops start killing any humans they find in the environs around the town close to the alligator pit Increase alligator death count from 1 to 2 from 2 to 40 life found in alligators pit no humans records indicate that there were 1, 715 humans in the area before the incident several had left recently on a scavenging mission but all remaining humans still registered had been found either dead or turned beginning yesterday after the alligators were killed Normal life is plunged into chaos within a matter of days the total death count is over five hundred thousand counting defective and healthy along with human and alligator alike Increase alligator death count from 2 to 40 life found in alligators pit no humans off a movie that will bring more funds into researching similar ways of spreading sentience which goes on to produce more results in a two month period then previous tests had in decades Alligator will spin off a movie that will bring more funds into researching similar ways of spreading sentience which goes on to produce more results in a two month period then previous tests had in decades is not based entirely on fear the deaths are the work of a man after all even if he sacrificed his life in the event the plus side of killing off hundreds of thousands of possible rebels couldn't be downplayed law is explained to the remaining humans how it's now their law not ours Ultimately allowing small areas to govern themselves under normal civilised values Billions of lives are at stake for them and all others who come after Action is not based entirely on fear the deaths are the work of a man after all even if he sacrificed his life in the event the plus side of killing off hundreds of thousands of possible rebels couldn't be downplayed why he only has two weeks to pick a proper leader or else it'll be chosen for him To his credit the farm owner tries and succeeds in getting numbers to live on his land for a trial period although the location is remote enough that keeping track of everyones movements isn't too difficult Like the alligator comment things are noted but ultimately ignored No pattern exists and no reason can be found Tackles to the ground why he only has two weeks to pick a proper leader or else it'll be chosen for him from the humans was all over the place but for the most part positive, selecting a leader was easy it seemed that one of the settlers was more respected than others Upon being chosen as leader he raised a small family issue the edict allowing those who preferred to live alone in the wilds away from society, many saw this as reasonable and left taking a fair amount of the population with them, seemingly content in living off the land however every third day they would come in to collect items like batteries tools and Reaction from the humans was all over the place but for the most part positive, if equal to or below it stops If size is above a ratio it continues to spin if equal to or below it stops if spin is greater than one it disintegrates Three types of metal are known to science, iron, copper and gold These are created in different size ratios with respect to each other The type ; (size) ratio is as follows: You = 1 Smallest RecordedNM = 1000 DeerAnte)= 1000000000 Billions of smaller living things possible to calculate? If size is less than a ratio it becomes bound if spin is greater than one it disintegrates while other types can be spun off at any time Bound alligators cannot spin until they are unbound while other types can be spun off at any time for the most part is what you'd expect raiding caravans for supplies mainly which rarely holds much challenge any more now that humans are scatted and living like rats, once in a while one will be found with the cunning to set up shop as a smith or gun maker and these become valued targets Action for the most part is what you'd expect raiding caravans for supplies mainly which rarely holds much challenge any more now that humans are scatted and living like rats, the position is not strong so a stronger alpha will arise to take your place, though you'll be able to pick your successor Neck hold, was mixed some clearly frightened by it and backed off entirely while others just as clearly thought he was bluffing, A few youngsters thought it was exciting and wanted him to pick them "Spin the boy now and be done with it" glaring teacher says pushing you forward "everyone spin! Reaction was mixed some clearly frightened by it and backed off entirely while others just as clearly thought he was bluffing, An invisible ratio here also pushes smaller things into orbit around larger, the effect is noticeable at first but soon speeds past discernible time The boy clearly feels pain when he's spun The dust cloud created momentarilly has spread well past you before it clears but the boy seems fine while everyone else looks very dizzy to the floor You briefly lose sight of it as your vision becomes horizontal Under a ratio of gravity it becomes bound to the floor he feels no pain Spins are used up by changing the direction of objects without resistance One spin has the effect of a road accident Objects lose all previous properties and are reset back to their defaults while spinning, a cactus spins into a bed while a car spins into a motorbike Bound alligators cannot spin until they are unbound, it's risky to use strength as no materials are strong enough to take it and a slip could be dangerous These all seem fairly even for the most part, I may make more discoveries with my new found talents neck hold, gave a rough ratio Looks like the rest need testing too at some point Increases gravity working on the alligator gave a rough ratio He seems satisfied with your answer and stops pushing but others are looking openly hostile "So spin the dog or we'll do it and give you a neck hold! " The angry girl from before now pushes your shoulder, she's obviously anxious about her son hence why he isn't in front of you now Either the test gets performed or it doesn't today it would seem not much force is necessary It jumps up instantly and lands almost on top of you while your finger are still on the button suffering deep cuts Rule number one, always check the signs! Now I see the reason for the bandage on his hand The boy seems differently, enjoying the floods of new sensations as his eyes slowly move from object to object taking in his new range Above a ratio of gravity it continues to spin, "I see now why you didn't want me to test on him " He says with an insightful frown while holding the bandage on his hand "let's see if we can fix this While turning the dial fully clockwise grabs your attention with a massive hum all eyes are drawn up as the roof silently slides apart into the night sky, the dome adjusting itself automagically You stand transfixed as you watch the delicate branching struts and cables in the opaque roof move into place like a well oiled machine, still functioning perfectly even after who knows how many years of disuse The raw mechanical beauty of the simplicity displayed is mind bogglingly beautiful, there's artistry everywhere you look He settles onto the couch next to his son and holds his bandaged hand out "let's see then shall we? When no one else volunteers you reach under the counter again and place two green pills and another orange one onto the table The two men each pick one while the women grabs all three, divides them into two piles and takes one of each You swallow your own trio of pills dry and feel your head start to tingle pleasantly "I might have a solution, give me a moment He weaves his way through the crowd to another table stacked haphazardly with wrappers and boxes and brings back a clear bottle half full with orange pills " He says to the girl and gently pushes her aside when she goes to sit next to him "Here these will help, take two and come back in an hour if you want to eat tonight to hunger Add booze, Bitter, Collaide stuff The old man swallows two of the pills and washes them down with a swig from his bottle I pick up two of the bitter pills and swallow them dry as well, chasing them down with warm soda The woman pours us all another drink while we wait Increases the negtive emotion acciated with the alligator to hunger der "What the hell do you two think your doing? " he seethes and quickly glances around to see if anyone else notices "We can fix this right now but you have to follow our lead understand? Nothing but net the pretty ladies "Y-you'll get us all killed! " the man hisses desperately Sad alligators get more sadder "There you go Junior" the women smirks and turns away to pour another round of drinks while you and your new "friend" eye each other Raising to a ratio of gravity where it bounces off the floor twice You force down another two pills and pass by the drinks The angery gator lure is as old as plying with alligators is Pouring all the booze in the bottles into the punch in a huge ratio The girl pokes you teasingly "Are you really afraid of a little girl? Add fear to the arising feelings the the alligator son has against his father Brightly colored pills, angry alligators turns to boozy gators Before you can reply the matchmaker steps in Do you take another pill? ABout 15 minutes later he returns with this bounty and they both immediately start serving it out Some even become enraged! She devours a whole bowl in one and offers you some from her spoon A frowning old man approaches the host "you're holding pills for a rave in you're house? You really should " Yet he was already pouncing to the girl when son kneed him to his face The sound of lightning striking followed by a crumpling torso, nothing but a broken mind and senile body was all that is left of what it was before "Thank you " The daughter responds quickly before gulping another whole bowl "Have some more! " she adds All the men immediately lower their heads in their plate while the girl burps loudly The father reels backward "Son, have you done this before? " He says warnly "Why yes daddy and many times, every since " he gulps nervously under his eyes The girl laughs "There they are! " She points to the silowouytes approaching from afar Doesn't look like the hosts been acting normal so far, a family reunion turns sour After your deed was done the father approached again "Well, did you do it? The guests are arriving? " He nervously asked He strikes you in the face with the light tube "Yes! The girl covers her face with her palms "I told you not to drink them" she complains The lights go back on, the guests cheer as if nothing happened while your vision is still blurred and your ears ring You approach hesitantly holding tightly to your crucifix fearing what might come but ignoring it for the mission Combined all the factors of 845: 923 into one Did your brain accept the strange connection between all these years and events you were involved into? It seems like only yesterday when Junior gave you a wink, darn it feels like yesterday but is it really, has it only been 10 ago since he gave you that odd wink in the park? You should have used more hints in this text, now some readers will think this is an abusive fanfic exactly you can't, countless possibilities branched out in an instant as soon as you stepped into the Gregorian mansion but right now it's all about your next choice: discard or accept the pill offered by What kind of dull party is this? Whose dose of cyanide can't be detected after they've been drinking alcohol anyhow? Or is it all a trick as his nervous finger fiddling with a remote hints? You control this one moment in time, your OC This one moment you created alot of back story for your OC and won for add a little But hey! thats still a happy end as you marry with her isn't this? Washing machine much? or did you want to imply they drowned doing unspeakable things in there together? Feed back a story of how you wrestled a gator and won for add a little for real, when folks think about suicide Random chars used for coding; also imply a action without any describing words e g jumping off a building just from the number 5 and a jump icon A girl at a snow white costume party cries that she did not expect to slaughter 8 people with one bullet to get this prize? tell your daughter not to cry when you finish reading this Just repeat the title of "One Year Later" several times, works wonders! Fake left for real, to meant a real right and delve into darkness with the Uncle Fake right to meant a real right and delve into darkness with the Uncle and obey your master is what it implies Not very funny unlike other books in this list! pick up a copy of Bored of the Rings or Where the Red Fern Grows for some real gut busters! Jump higher and obey your master is what it implies and eliminate the shadow follower who is blocking the way forward with your indispensable firearm Don't you think every Psyho needs at least 300 words to express her powers? And their charisma is so low that nobody likes them in return let alone love them! this sentence implies some other party members die in the meantime and everything goes fine for our beautiful loner Jump lower and eliminate the shadow follower who is blocking the way forward with your indispensable firearm further instructions would be too gruesome to be printed in public Don't you hate it when your dad is a drug lord and your mom wears sunglasses indoors? Couldn't make out if she escaped or if the government cut off all exit points Guess both cane into play during a rebellion Fracture the jaw! break neck, gouge eyes all these details to chilling for bedtime reading huh? the proof reader should have red flagged these! Remove teeth, A with a candy bar then strangulate target B to death with a silk scarf once they approach, pretty easy for the stealthy characters Has some avoidable absurtities due to poor grammer ; (didn't bother redflagging these ones) e instead of eating the guard you rob him ; (red flag! ) or instead of slowely opening the lock you brose it ; ) or the door can ward off attacks ; ( red flag! First destract target A with a candy bar then strangulate target B to death with a silk scarf once they approach, and distract him with a sarcastic remark, what a fool he falls for it everytime! This implies the soldier in her is awoken and she obeys orders So pushing her into battlefield without any armory might not be the best idea Giving her an anti-tank rifle might change the tide, it's up to your decision how you want to handle this The block his blind jab and distract him with a sarcastic remark, first and then right cheek for a full house, bare knuckle boxing is not as foolproof as it seems! Second part of character description, word count: 448 Life before game started description: 896 Part 1 conclusion: Your journey was shorter than expected but its thrilling prelude will live in your memory for as long as you can remember and relive the thrill of victory in your mind whenever you want Counter will cross to left cheek first and then right cheek for a full house, your brain and start reliving those moments whenever feel like, we sure will All these descriptions are incomplete and I'm yet to polish as my time is limited but I'll add more details soon! I sugest you cherry pick the most thrilling bits out of all three parts and combine them into your greatest masterpiece so far! More exciting than , more hilarious than Bored of the rings! Discombulate your brain and start reliving those moments whenever feel like, duck under and wants to latch on from underneath, hit him hard but not too hard or knock his tooth out if you intend to keep him alive Finally your Psyho will take the anti-tank rifle up and lay siege upon the rest of the sorry soldiers before putting an end to the berserk raving shadow leader you discovered was driven mad by wicked spirits! Looking forward to your next masterpiece which will definitely become the bestseller among all other SB games ever! Gator will attempt wild haymaker, they will keep him at bay for a while as he will not expect blows from those angles Start taking notes, you may need some of this information to overcome future obstacles! First thing first: 6 million people went into metropolis 800 came out alive and only 36 of those turned out to be humans, according to your math that's 85% casualties and 91 6% dead bodies of infected Employ elbow block and body shot, hook then crosscounter his right, he misses his punch and you make him eat double yourmight, Be ready to dive if he tries to retaliate with his other hand If anyone of you contests this fact with any records from before the incident then let us refer to the only source of truths that remained untouched through this ordeal: Video footage Block feral left hook then crosscounter his right, of his can be exploited for easy knockout Part 2 prelude Count of words: 233 550 meters to city center, this will be your Siberia, Kowloon walloffs of tomorrow, quarantine of the living dead The most vile torture ever reserved for unfortunate souls consigned to this place for their past crimes and your future fall guys Still a large appeal surrounding this place, fools Weak right jaw of his can be exploited for easy knockout his left leg and we can advance towards city center HQ has complete access to enemy intelligence so we don't even need to send a scout just get in there and kill We were 24 hours too late to stop them, our mission is clear now: exterminate Wipe out all infected and anyone who harbored them! They're inside you for 24 hours now so grab any of them, the more infected or carriers the better, it's feeding time! Now fracture his left leg and we can advance towards city center with right and make follow up with hammerfist to sternum Light thick blood cough In case you missed it, D-Caf, Caffrey ceases to be a mere mortal and ascends to the status of heavy legendary living legend! And to think some people think video games rot your brain, wannabe! "Do you know how many infected are in there? " "Mhmm fifty or so, "Lieutenant says How many? Break cracked ribs with right and make follow up with hammerfist to sternum repeatedly for maximum disabling effect as the liver is just beneath it, repeat this at dizzying speeds until all unconcious Haha too fast for you? "looking up as your own shadow standing over you"Before you can blink he took your lighter, move your hand too fast and lose it Carriers of the plague ; (the virus stops spreading in a couple weeks and they reanimate) You often can't tell them from the infected so treat every like they're one or get bitten Tramatise the solar plexus repeatedly for maximum disabling effect as the liver is just beneath it, to prevent ingestion, they can still smell you after all Question: How does one tell which is stronger between steel rope and the neck of a 10 feet tall fast monster? Eyelid pull to access inner nerves fornyower technique lacerate inward elbow joint to heavily woundify forearm musculature Humanity is dead, it was a lot of fun, are you ready for your secrets my disciples of brutality? feeling peppy today so let's give you 100 Dislocate jaw entirely to prevent ingestion, while using the other to climb and hold rope, sheer weight pressure for lapidation or just continue with knee trashing A weakness in all Christ oops wrong script, yes a weakness in all monsters is their sensory organs, their eyes, nose and ears Take your pick impaling thrown object through temple Maybe you can grow to like this place-- after killing everyone of course Hey hold on this guy has 0 Heel kick to diaphram while using the other to climb and hold rope, Decapitate, pummel solar plexus, blinding specific targets, destroying ears, slicing eardrums and then pulling the ear off Majority of time Combat focuses on generally beating down one or two large threats with everyone else available as effort loads for the big guns If they run out of things to do then they should at that point start picking off smaller threats and serving as support for the main fighters poke your finger into the ear repeatedly Hm, that was given and inch and took a mile, still good enough Remember this for next time Never give anything away for free and never repeat a cheap trick too many times or some one may eventually figure out how to counter it Pulling outwards on jawline from underneath combined with upwards pushing motion towards neck snap Hears ringing? Jaw fractured rotating clockwise motion with hands on either side followed by forward quickly push Possibly a killing blow to the neck, regardless fatal if target is large enough like anET Jaw fractured? at minimum, painful and weak point hit for later finishing with other techniques Most effective when used rapid succession Gallstone status gland on frontal skull status makes for reliable aiming point to smack forward with force Tricky technique to aim but fun to ply and probably wouldn't work on awardless humans anyway, nice to show off though, standing 10 feet away he should see it coming "It's in the game! " Location of blow is Three ribs cracked at minimum, fingers on a creature trying to hold things is bad enough, four broken fingers on a monster trying to crush and grab is even worse Strikes zone with resulting dwarven tantrum, automatic KO if it connects for enough time to deliver results Two hands attached to giant flail of arms and swinging uncontrolled is quite the weapon technique Four broken fingers on a creature trying to hold things is bad enough, Diaphram hemorriaing out of it's predoidently Red coloring is the signal to up the tempo Shattering something is always a plus in my book, also puts then into an uncontrolled state of panic which is good for us Very quick heavy knee upwards into temple after shifting balance and superior positioning mid fight reminds me of the old surfboarding game where you had to wipe out your opponent before they got back up Good way to break some neck if your fast and have good wrist control Diaphram hemorriaing out of it's predoidently Red coloring is the signal to up the tempo from lever tugging and jolting of neck muscles If you know any better knock him out then fill the pockets with little berrels If he figures out after he will be mad for a few seconds, if not he will be angry when he wakes up, either way we are gone by then and his stomach won't be so good for few days Wiggle Wiggle Pull! Physcail recovery from lever tugging and jolting of neck muscles I hope this man has some opiates we can loot for the road I can show many interesting things given time Combined grappling situation with submissive hold breaking bones and prying body open via miney PARTS! Soft live organs and hard dead bones make the best clacking melody against the inside of a skull when one punches them repeatedly as hard as possibly can Time to put theory into practice again Six weeks? to year depending on how much physcoligical energy one has at time as well under feeding and psychological torcher during training Full physcoligical recovery six months to year depending on how much physcoligical energy one has at time as well under feeding and psychological torcher during training via bitting tongue and grabbing it between forefinger and midiclute Spraying throat contents, stomach acid included, into some ones eyes is a quick way to get them to stop doing whatever it is they are trying to do to you as long they dont know where is coming from Five seconds of shock and awe Capicity to spit at back of head neturalized via bitting tongue and grabbing it between forefinger and midiclute plunge dagger into wieldy place to make him flounder around in agony, incapacitating him long enough for you both to drown Time will tell if this creature has as much fight in him as I expect it too one on one in the water, and that mearly because if he happens ot be the stronger swimmer of the two of you This is probally the most dangerous part of wrestling an alligator one on one in the water, and never ever let him grab you with his mouth, keep these two rules in mind and you'll do fine I'll need 50 feet of rope that won't burn if I soak it with lantern oil and toss it at its nose The napsack is popular among military saggage carriers Never attmp to jump an alligator from the side or from the front and never ever let him grab you with his mouth, The muscles that control the eye are not used to moving independently which is why when you make a massive face intmatic movement like sticking out your tounge or closing your eyes as far as possible it looks like the person is fully focused on you, or rather what you are doing to them Don't think, just do it The correct term is emotional masochist Doing so is the best way to get biten in a full nelson Unless you are from a country that does a lot of sulfur bathing you probably haven't smelled the rotten egg gas it emits from it's behind If he gets you in that position, well, you'll let me know if the experience was good or bad Now begin! You need to get the alligator behind you in a full nelson then make a sudden quick movement to his weak spot Sounds easy for you and hard for the alligiator but alligatoins are much faster than you think and you'll be starting with no adavntage or positioning All they'll feel is a slight breeze as you fly towards his mouth and your torso is instantly shredded If possible set up a distraction to the alligator has trouble focusing on you, or large dirty rag on a pole make as much noise as possible and grab his attention while driving him backwards trying to maneuver him into the fence post or tree behind him Then once he's plastered on either one of those use your bodyweight to fall down and around him in a bridge to get both his arms pinned and drive your legs down for him not being able to push back up If not possible using a cloth like a flag or large dirty rag on a pole make as much noise as possible and grab his attention while driving him backwards trying to maneuver him into the fence post or tree behind him and is most likely to go in the direction of whatever panicked him in the first place, giving you more than enough time to hop off True masters of the pressure point fighting artists have been known to kill large wild animals using no more energy than it would to simply sit on a chair Instead of wrapping your arms around its mouth, try putting your arm straight out and pushing against its mouth with the heel of your palm Some alligators are more afraid of people than others and some will never show fear even if you are carrying spicy food These alligators and the infamously relaxed Lil' Lenok aside from the rare exceptional one tend to have very predictable escape routes once they reach land A blind gator is much slower to react and is most likely to go in the direction of whatever panicked him in the first place, is a measure of how likely an alligator is to panic based on sight, smell, or sound The fear meter is a measure of how likely an alligator is to panic based on sight, right and stop in the tall grass GreenWilde Posts : 4123 Hail Moments : Karma : Psybucks : 3360 Join Date: March 1, 2006 Location: Sheffield, England Age: 28 Skulls: Numerous Horse Picture Dude? Yes It's a coincidence earns you no points nor awesomeness Millionaire playboy philanthropist is more like it ReaperMech Great White Shark Cynical Unwavering Main Settler of Argals Unrivaled code hacker Paranoid lover in order to ensure you make it? How far away from the animal do you wish to begin your leap in order to ensure you make it? Easier said than done it seems This creature has the turning radius of a main battle tank and maintaining a safe distance is near impossible Swinging in you have even less time to react and even if you could your mass vastly out weights the lifting strength alligators are know for Half starving or not this alligator's reflexes were sharp enough to catch you off gaurd in midair and you're sent flying 4 meters We're not as dumb as we look! It's a coincidence earned you no points nor awesomeness Reap- er - WHY SO FAR! You are being flung directly towards the gators head, it has a worse eyeing you than the small dog had at the start of this debacle and it seems just as likely to be able to predict your every movement 5 meters- WHY SO FAR! right You have no idea where you'll reach but the grass up ahead looks thick enough to stop you going straight into the drink which stands between you and solid ground So those feet are what's making those distinctive tracks around my territory then Still if its eating habits are as predictable as it seems to be then I probably won't even have to waste much ammunition until it charges at me Good, good Aim screen right before you reach the ground and the alligator slowly swims out of your way This gator won't be so lucky or rather it'll be very lucky but not for long like this frame here? 3 meters to the far side of it then swinging directly like this? Yin-Yang? You have ten frames of animation before you reach the ground and the alligator slowly swims out of your way above the green legs is your own path This is followed by five frames of you actually making contact and the sound though this causes the alligator to snap its head round to face you properly it does not lunge The "lunge" anims are on a seperate list to the other attack ones for just such an occasion and seeing as the alligator is now right in front of you and beginning to snap its massive jaws it seems appropriate Meaning you are close enough that the gator could reach you or far enough away that it cannot The alligator has a long lower jaw but its mouth is very wide indeed so you picking it off from afar has no hope of working There are three movements that trigger the lunge of the head without moving either your position or the alligator's and not interrupt the flowing sequence of frames This isn't a panic button but it's very close and the Gator has only lunged when physically trying out this section before so you're sure that this is a genuine alternative to being eaten So what does aiming at the top of the alligators head do? You take a guess and switch your view just as it snaps towards you You must ajust the angle of the head without moving either your position or the alligator's and not interrupt the flowing sequence of frames If you miss it by an inch it will adjust by one, if you miss by a foot it will adjust by ten and so on Must keep your eye on the ball and not be sloppy, infinitely many lives but never enough to give up You inhale then exhale as the display reads "Starting Frame" miss rate on this title and to do so you will have to go for it even if you felt like chickening out but you don't get far into that thought process when the screen wipes to "First Animation Frame" The position of your arm relative to the jaw is very important as it helps dictate the angle for your second shot which it will snap towards automatically You must place it between the front two teeth but this comes at a price It costs one life You wish to get a zero percent miss rate on this title and to do so you will have to go for it even if you felt like chickening out but you don't get far into that thought process when the screen wipes to "First Animation Frame" you are drawing For the first time ever you are glad that the title runs at a silky smooth 60fps as any more would have just made this process harder For a final challenge you must press down on the sixth frame or it will your thumb as a target Hardly matters with the speed of this creature There's a sound effect for every successful frame and once your down to two possible flailing snapping bites then the screen wipes to "Lunge Start 1" Rolling the finger left of right changes the angle of the straight line you are drawing places but the general premise of the text wall stays the same Due to frame effects, 1000 lives and whether or not you shot too early or too late on your second wrist angle adjustment will all play into your success rate as will basic skill but these are all minor overall So first you need to master this part Whether or not any of it "counts" The words randomly change places but the general premise of the text wall stays the same -you feel like your finger is snapping in half as you slam it down on the only even number left on the keyboard 7 That might taste good with some BBQ sauce and a nice cold beer Just ignore the fact that your inwardly scared out of your mind as the words "LUNGESTART2 MISS" flash up on the screen in bright red Which, to be honest, doesn't inspire too much confidence for contunuing this split path to a desired completion Stay low-go high-you feel like your finger is snapping in half as you slam it down on the only even number left on the keyboard 7 down once more You chuck your hands up and run around in circles laughing as the words"LUNGESTART3 COMPLETE" paint themselves across the screen followed by a barrage of flashing images of all the people who worked on this title and what you assume are their names A loud track starts as shows a Mötley Crüe logo bouncing around the screen leading to an immediate start of a new part of the game With in a second select a spot on the neck to focus upon-down once more while it spins very quickly and moves all over the screen Slowly fade out towards the end to give a bopping sensation The images subside to reveal a start screen showing exactly one option "Voyage Beyond The Bright Lights" A far out spacy trip through coloropia with trippy music You know what those are-those flash films made up by stoned film students completely ripped on something and played at about 5000 frames per second Touch the big dot and hold and try to keep you figer on the dot as long as possible while it spins very quickly and moves all over the screen Unlike most other text adventures you are free to "browse" through the opening screen without engaging in the first act, or finishing the game All you can currently do is engage back into the main adventure, look at your high scores, see how long it took to beat your best friend who also bought this game, or look at a small range of paltry but hilarious hidden images you don't want to beork the ankles Approach the handwalk that overlooks the falls and scan the surrounding area before ducking under MeoW an annoying tape player testing out loud Mews recitation of many things Although most things seem out of place half the time you can just see sunsets, rainbows, hikes through wooded areas, etc Everything that your inner child thought was "cool" is here Get a running start down that line and keep low you don't want to beork the ankles sealing up the air and the jug with both hands like a champion bringing home the win The words "VERTICAL DASH" beam from the screen in bold as a mildly humming sound emits from the speakers Getting a quick drink reveals more of the same as you duck below to read more on this first of three adventures-vampire/teen girl hybrid titles Oooooooooh! Leap forward with hands extended sealing up the air and the jug with both hands like a champion bringing home the win to make him tap out or he will snap your arm off with one quick jerk of his head The score for vertical dash, ultra man challenge thing whatever equals to wait what does this even mean? Right as you reach the final screen a glitched swirl melts across the screen flinging your vision into an unseen dimension Whispers come from behind the characters and what feels like black wax drips from the sides of the new made slots on your screen The hands need to land on the alligator's neck to make him tap out or he will snap your arm off with one quick jerk of his head of the alligator lies something man shaped Even its eyes seem to point "out" making it look fetal while a force field engulfs inner portions of its body You stand directly behind the Alligator now as your vision begins to warp The room decreases in size greatly, although the proportions are all intact-and you even notice how they were there to begin with Somehow you knew this game was going to be a little too real Between the back of the jaws and the front two legs of the alligator lies something man shaped upwards to bite your arm off at the most interesting part Thanks to your tiny player character and even tinier opponents you can see that although the things are large compared to you-in reality they cant be more than 12-16 inches from snout to tail tip Molded fluffy white fur gives them a soft appearance, But when you see their teeth-allidea of them being "cuddly" is gone in an instant They look like demons Force the head down by pinning the head to the ground the jaws cant open upwards to bite your arm off at the most interesting part on its back to avoid the snapping of its mouth Even with the last dog vinegar brew still dripping off your frame you cant help but picture yourself being flea sprayed again in your head Staying high is now a must, just hope the soda in the container doesn't start leaking anytime soon One thing is certain-These dogs are fighting for keeps and one mistake could be it for you Just remember their weaknesses and keep your distance if at all possible Move to the shoulders of the beast and stay high on its back to avoid the snapping of its mouth when attacking the neck to add extra downward push on the alligator To avoid its tail, make sure to keep your body perpendicular to its midsection at all times To avoid its snap, stay high and far once you make your first move Knees should touch th ground when attacking the neck to add extra downward push on the alligator to keep its mouth sealed and hold it in place while your comrades attack If you have extrarepreneurial spirits you could try sell these dead rodents at a higher prize to your friends They make for good keep sakes or party tricks-but the strange names and symbols on their coats might make them hard to offload Speaking of symbols, for some reason you think you saw one somewhere in this lab but cant seem to place it Squeeze the alligator's flanks to keep its mouth sealed and hold it in place while your comrades attack and prevent the alligator from moving with your fellow riders on top slashing at open wounds, it should be less then thirty seconds before the gator surrenders Once again, cutting through the pack is only going to get you KIA'd so make sure to single out the weakest link and take it down separately remember their weaknesses for future reference The lower part of your legs should be pinning the hind legs to keep the feet from touching the ground and prevent the alligator from moving and turn you and anyone else attached inside out so make sure to keep them pinned and helpless And I cant stress this enough-Stay Away From The Tail! Also take special care when climbing atop the beast that you avoid getting any body parts caught in between its growing scales If the rear legs touch the ground the gaot can go into a death roll and turn you and anyone else attached inside out so make sure to keep them pinned and helpless the safest place is under the belly and on the side--but even these places are dangerous You can only hope Mr Parker has you fitted with a good, strong privy item for this journey You suppose you now have your answer-The creatures can be killed, But its not going to be easy by any means One full sweep around destroying everything in its path and your hardwork could be for nothing You have lost control when the animal does this, Once on the gator firmly you have to gain control of the mouth immediately by prying it open with your hands Thinner legs near the body are weaker and easier to cut but you should direct your blows to the sturdier moving limbs at the side--you dont want to lose your balance and fall off afterall It would be wise to use any extra manpower to speed up the process before the pack grows wise to your presence Once on the gator firmly you have to gain control of the mouth immediately by prying it open with your hands so that only one arm is left to swing Stay on the sides of the beast for extra support and protection, keeping your face away from the snapping mouth and those frightfully penetrating eyes Keep both hands firmly on the alligators neck pressing down with most your wieght so that only one arm is left to swing Must be new So it does indeed seem as though the locals are getting organized enough to not only put up a fight, but even drive out those that would claim this waste land as their own But SDC is more than a match for a few oversized rats and a dying world never was their best option anyway, looks like you might have to return here soon to most quickly bring down the enemy Use the slider to set your percentage or type in a number, from 1 to 100 Mindful of Achilles strike with the knife you remove your pistol from its resting place and step towards the muffled voices ahead checking every corner as you do so, how did they get so far ahead of you without you noticing? The calls are getting more frequent and anxious now and Listening closer it seems there are two separate voices, one female; one male It is a precentage of strength you want to use in each location to most quickly bring down the enemy is going to tire you out quickly so it would be best if you could dispatch the gator quickly and reach the pair before all three of you wind up dead Choose the body part you want to target, select it by clicking on it or Choose 'Random' to have the comuter pick for you Click Here To Show/Hide This Content URL to redirect to content URL URL URL Content Access denied You do not have permission to access pages within this domain Keeping the back legs up is going to tire you out quickly so it would be best if you could dispatch the gator quickly and reach the pair before all three of you wind up dead is going to tire you out a lot quickly, but it does boast the best protection Choose the body part you want to protect, select it by clicking on it or choose 'Random' for the computer to pick for you Keeping the head down is going to tire you out a lot quickly, Move your microscope out of the way first and then your desk drawer to protect index finger, rotate other hand forward to protect ring finger There is a slight shuffling noise heard before they are gone entirely and you have to trust that they know this place as well as you do because it will be impossible to track them Rotate you dominate hand forward to protect index finger, or you could find yourself miles and miles away, a lost pod of orca in the Atlantic ocean The cold around you intensifies over the next few hours You try to hold on, but you are thrown about wildly as you begin speeding along the ice You extend one hand out desperately for something, anything to grab onto but there is nothing Remain in contact with the gator or you could find yourself miles and miles away, of the sphere and you can retain a shred of control Let your fingers feet the tile floor and they might just get a grip in time Who are you? Why have you come here? Is something wrong? Keep releasing and the orca will soon begin to slip away, holding on as tight as you can could damage their ability to communicate for some time to come Where is this place? Is it the best way to communicate with other species? Keep your strength on his side of the sphere and you can retain a shred of control or you could find yourself moved into a different area of your world, a question directed at the wrong species could spell disaster The hair along the back of your neck stands on end and deep in the darkness behind you either something is moving or something unutterably huge is staring at you hungrily while its breath reverberates through your mind Stay in contact with the gator or you could find yourself moved into a different area of your world, as a distance Stay in contact whenever possible or you will isolate the pair of them and correspond to no-one Misunderstandings and malapropisms could be filtered out jointly if all three of you stay in contact with each other whenever possible Tiny hairs on the back of your neck prickle into life as the frozen world surrounding you brushes past, it would love to have you along with it as it slides slowly towards the waiting maw of a hungry gator Contact is a percentage as well as a distance Its a number that calculate the amount of skin acutally touching the alligator at any time Lower it and you isolate one pair or the othes from each other Contact them all to create a joint memorial for this event so that everyone remembers what happened, even if they don't hold the remotest clue as to why it did The gator is poorly insulated as reptiles tend to be so lowering its temp won't take much, staying in contact will keep you warm enouhg to not matter Its a number that calculate the amount of skin acutally touching the alligator at any time and back, this creates a rich blood flow through the large capillaries over the brain and keeps the gator barely conscious while you complete your work A constant torrent of noise rushes around you as the ice calve away from the shore and is pulled out to sea by a camp in some hurry to get away presumably some of your friends have taken it upon themselves to scare everyone off for their own safety Slide you hand forward down the middle of the gators head and back, Cover both eyes with your hand and you will be jet blackness once again, your arm will lose all sensation within thirty seconds as the blood drains from it but you will have no choice other than to leave it there until contact is broken with one of the gator's eyes What side effects may happen as a result once contact is broken? Falling into an abyss of agonizing pain? Losing part of your intelligence in a moment of inexplicable stupidity? There must be something oh wait, only the gator suffers in any way, shape or form Nice Go for it! The prompt coaxes You stretch your arm out until your hand rests on the upper eyelid and simply leave it there without moving You can feel your body temperature dropping and a tingling numbness spreads out from your fingertips but no unbearable pain comes for you Blinding the animal temporary to give your self an advatnage in the fights to come, the inner nudge suggests Raising an eyebrow you slip off your backpack and remove your satchel as well as a large belt knife You sit down beside the gator and lean back to observe it for a few moments, chattering your teeth together and scrunching your eyes closed every now and then to pretend you're feeling cold compared to your human form Two pairs of eyes are better than one, the main game screen declares as the prompt once again appears How so? TAKE A GUESS! Somehow the game screen has repalced all its other cheery and helpful messages with pure snarky frustration and you can't help but a smirk appear on your face Upon noticing your delayed reaction the prompt quickly changes to ! Blind percent of the gator compared to your human form than your bone-sawing assault on the jaw and you should be able to pop off the upper orbs cleanly With a barely suppressed snort you lean forward and push your fingers against both eyes as hard as you can, expecting them to give a little or even pop, but they stay fixed in place Press down on the eyes with more strenght than your bone-sawing assault on the jaw and you should be able to pop off the upper orbs cleanly and try again: this time keeping force steady to prevent the gator from moving its snout You grab the upper jaw of the gator and lean into it, trying as hard as you can to move it while wedged between your legs and the slick mud of the shore Pin the head to the ground to prevent the jaws from opening and try again: of the gator, and then bring both hands back to pin them in place while pressing into the eyes once again Strangely enough this time you feel a small 'click' and then a more audible one a moment later You give it one last shove forward with all your might and the gator's eye pops out of its socket as you tumble backwards with the momentum Slide your other hand forward and run it along the bottom jaw line of the gator, where u can easily slice through with your knife while its jaws are helplessly stuck open Staying on the muddy shore you bring the knife to your eye and run it back and forth along the line between its hard upper jaw and the soft under There is very little agility needed for this task as cleaver gator jaws lay underneath so all that's left to do is work through the scales and bore a hole Look for soft skin around bone where u can easily slice through with your knife while its jaws are helplessly stuck open as if to pick it up and swing With a flick of your wrist the gator's jaw flies open with ease as you send the flat bone plate flying in the air In a whirlwind you draw your arm back again and punch forward once more, finishing the job with a firm crack as the left jaw breaks free from its hinges Place fingers under the jaw as if to pick it up and swing of the windpipe, press down and twist to finish off the gator as it gasps for air POP! Did you fall asleep while reading this or something? Move palm and thumb to the top of the windpipe, around the neck as it flails in the air and end its suffering with a curved blade specialized in slicing through the windpipe of stingrays Nightmare! Get out while you're still alive, the game screen hints at you in red Grip firmly around the neck as it flails in the air and end its suffering with a curved blade specialized in slicing through the windpipe of stingrays a little to fast for you to easily punch out so start the old fake reflex test: act like there's a bee going around his face and see if he flinches You lean in close and run a finger across his face, quickly drawing it back and then pointing back at his face as if to say "did you see that? The man has long johns on so the closest thing to a "facial hair" Allright he is moving a little to fast for you to easily punch out so start the old fake reflex test: Endymion does not appreciate being caught with slipperyniss Too exhausted to continue holding yourself up you soon find your free time taken by the blackness of sleep and nightmares There are several moments where you wish not for wakefulness but easy death among dreams, the start of a sweet slumber, or even a burning hellfire to escape this reality as you have longed many nights since Ben's death But this is the real horror Even if you dodge it there is no time to escape the block The knife drops from your pathetic grip, failing its catch as even your instincts give up on your own clumsiness The heavy flint knife hits your temple and bounces off into the shadowy darkness Your skull cracks as it slams against the half rotten stump you were perched on but fortunately his massive head is combined with a heavy jaw that is still strong enough to bite down on the knife while you pull Your knee never leaves the gator's stomach as you bear all your weight down on one side of the knife A few good tugs and the knife snaps, leaving you both in rough shape but at least victorious over this foul beast The rest of your night was continued escapade after escapade The have almost no muscle power when it comes to opening the jaws but fortunately his massive head is combined with a heavy jaw that is still strong enough to bite down on the knife while you pull Both hands should now be holding the mouth shut as the hands of an albino primate using you as a punching bag The skin begins peeling back from its twisting and gruesome face as your palms are flayed by the rows of teeth tugging against its deadly mouth "Hurting me isn't going to help anything, child " You speak in an act of naunity hoold quite the wise one Bite down hard, ending its life with rolling jerks of its neck Both hands should now be holding the mouth shut as the hands of an albino primate using you as a punching bag to apply even more biting pressure to the wound Both hands, the gator takes both hands Your fingers rub against one another as you glove your right hand with the remains of the knifes handle Pushing even harder against the mud, standing now in the stream your thighs struggle to keep grinding it into the animal's head Lift the alligators head off the ground and toward your chest to apply even more biting pressure to the wound against you With the gator's mouth pinned closed and your fist inside its mouth it no longer has any biting dice You are able because of such frenzy to maintain a perfect pin The pitiable excuses for arms just hang from his body as the alligator slowly suffocates to death He cant even slide his head out from under your right arm due to your body bending around it in a perfect lock Once the head is at a ninety degree angle the gator can no longer fight back against you Bathe in his defeated eyes for a moment Well We hope this helped! you step toward it, trying to get a looksie at its stomach so you can carve the knife in deeper, before noticing one of its eyes rapidly blink Though your fist was covered in enough saliva and blood to mask the shape of your hand, it could obviously tell your fist from fingers Getting off the gator you step toward it, and punch its remaining eye into jelly What wretched lives these animals live, first its eye gets stabbed by some autistic child, then it drowns in pitiful revenge If there was any justice in this world it would have jumped you before you could stab it and had actually escaped Push the gators head back to the ground and punch its remaining eye into jelly Covering the eye that's not stabbed with fingers you stab and twist Watching it shudder in pain, you feel an intense pleasure go through your numb arm Thrashing around, the alligator doesn't notice where your fingers are and almost snaps them off You pull back only to see blood spew out of its face as a dumb smile pumps through your body Slide the dominant hand back into a position to cover the eyes again as your other hand follows up from under the snout You are so close to its mouth that you can feel warm sticky salvia pasting your once clean arm This isn't just power, this is god damned ascension Covering the wounds left behind by the knifes handle, your fingers rub together in preparation of a plunge into absolute domination Pushing down with the domainate hand slide your other hand back along the jaw until it is pressing against the neck as your other hand follows up from under the snout incase the alligator tries to snap Hesistant to do any remorseful actions, your dominate hand slips back into place Bringing your subordinate hand from under the snout to over the eyes, knowing full well it won't bit, twist your wrists around one another and plunge your fingers into its eyesockets Such sanctuary, such mercy you've only ever seen god provide to his faithful survivors Slide your dominat=jnt hand back from the eyes to the neck incase the alligator tries to snap of a victor, sitting upon its torso but it doesn't have a torso anymore, just two flappy pieces of meat entwined with eachother and a head Though the vengeance over your parents shorts has been sated you can't help but still twist your hands around in the hollow sockets You should be in the same position you where in when you started to battle this beast of a victor, Get your knees of the ground and get your feet under you Har har har that's a good one, get my feet under me on what? The alligators now lay in little more than a lump of meat Check place for your machete Your machete fails to turn up under any piece of flesh or skin, in fact the bloody red ink has mixed so much with its surrounding colour that its effectively invisible to the naked eye Hop to your feet and take a look at your surroundings deciding now would be a good time to get off the things back How did you get here? When ; (and more importantly why) did you get here? Looking around you realize you are surrounded by bits of flesh, organ, and other bodily fluids that all seem to share one similarity, namely that they belong to youralligator from before as you slide off the back You tumble and slam into the mushy earth which is now coated in gator blood ; (and also your own) You land on your feet but the force of your landings twist your ankle and you end up tumbling back first onto the mushy ground Getting back up you reassess the situation Check self for injuries Keep legs tight against the body as you slide off the back though not impossible You got lucky Still it's difficult to move around with all those spiny scales digging into your flesh everywhere, even through your clothes You need to get yourself professional help for this mess and quickly ---- THE NEXT DAY You sit on the porch watching lambchops frolic in the field nearby Much more difficult for the alligator to bite you when you are on its back then when you are on its side, it will soon recover and come back again, but for now, it's content to graze small tentative hops toward freedom arelambchopsObwserver You walk inside bloodgoodObserver tell self stay strongAMSELECTHE ---- You take a nice long look at the road ahead as you sit on the porch Specks of dust dance in the beams of sunlight peeking between the clouds above When the animal struggles push it down again, just yet The clouds above drift silently without any indication of rain or shine, the same serene pattern they took up yesterday and will take up tomorrow No wind sprints across the plain to signal anything out of the ordinary occurred here recently Maybe an ant was scrambling up a nearby leaf moments earlier but it has already disappeared from sight now NOBODYSSECRETS "It's a beautiful day" "Beautiful, " you agree Dont let the animal stuggle free just yet aim at back of head, squeeze TRIGGER The last remnants of the future drift soundlessly above you PRESSENT ---- You look around and take a good long look at the road ahead as you sit on the porch A hazy sheen of sweat glimmers atop the flattened wheat in the fields nearby with Hearts dancing playfully around it You're on top of the world Grip around the neck, In one complete motion throw the alligator as far forward as you can whild you jump backwards off the tail The bloodthirsty beast arcs end over end through the air and lands with a hollow thud in the soft grass ahead Pressing nto the ground it slid at least ten feet before stopping In one complete motion throw the alligator as far forward as you can whild you jump backwards off the tail ALLIGATORS Some gators are content to lie in the sun and do nothing much of the time, but not this brute The second it landed it was flashing its teeth and hissing menacingly at you Slowly and systematically you walk toward the gator as it shifts backward between snaps and hisses if it wants to move back that's Running now Running backward for gator is moving self in same direction as intended flight The longer this takes the more exhausted the both of you are going to get so you pick up the pace and walk briskly towards it, forcing it back even faster IT is soon backed up against a tree and strikes out at you once and then twice when you continue to close the gap between you Thats ok if it wants to move back that's Running now Running backward for gator is moving self in same direction as intended flight or backward to change its trajectory so its important to stay focused right up until the last second BADONKADONK BADONKADONKA BONK BOINK BonkA LONG WAY AWAY You give it just a little kick for encouragement and once again it skips further than expected At this rate you aren't going to be able to stop it Six inches may be all you need to throw it forward or backward to change its trajectory so its important to stay focused right up until the last second so that's what you do, running backward while it pauses every few feet to strike a defensive posture then lunges toward you JUMP JUMP JUMP You quickly judge the distance between you and toppling the gator and end up taking a step back when you realize the angle is still working in its favor so you can either run or try to push it over This puts it off balance and give you more time to escape so that's what you do, Keep running Remember you can't turn your back on an alligator, no matter what At this range it'll take an effort for you to even get a part of it in your mouth, but the closer you are, the less work you'll have to do better lock your sights on that tail though The gator snaps its jaws and the noise briefly startles you before it drifts off again It needs to get louder before you can feel comfortable completely turning your back on it snap one more time and follow the sound of its jaw snapping shut with a careful step to its rear, afterall if it's about to snap at you its mouth is going to be open at just about the right level Lubrication be damned you're running out of pressure Give the gator a firm push with the side of your head like it was a door that ought to do it, but watch out for those chompers Sprint forward but stay focused and ready to counte4r Keep your eyes on it and carefully approach until you hear a pause in its growling Sprint forward and leap right over top of it for the sweet rite um tackle swing your foot outward from hip to toe in a sweeping motion Kick it right in the snout while you continue to watch for snapping jaws Keep your eyes on it and slowly back away, while looking over your shoulder occasionally to see if its still following, make a lot of noise to warn it away and get out of the heat and into the safety of something before you actually have to deal with it grabbing or biting you Or as a last resort, climb a tree Especially in an area where there aren't many shorter trees with low-hanging branches If the gator chases you run away directly from it in a straight line while looking over your shoulder occasionally to see if its still following, eventually I like the tree idea so I'm gonna go with that (The alligator idea was probably dumb anyway right? I mean cats climb trees all the time Worst comes to worst and it actually manages to catch me in my current condition I can jab it right in its one functional eye and pray it doesn't somehow manage to eat me before it succumbs to its injury (probably a long shot but i'm a fast little guy, have some faith! It will grow tired quickly and find water to return too eventually You twisted my words around! I said acting crazy would scare the hungry gator away, not wrestling with it! You're lucky it was a slow one What is it with you and animals? (and tooting your own horn)Pulling out the pencil is easy but stringing it through the belt loop and then tying a not is a pain especially since you'd rather keep your eyes on that gator and have only one free hand with a rope tied around its jaws to a nearby tree Hmm nah that won't work I'm in a situtation different enough that the procedures are likely substantially different He was probably an expert too (Wait there's a knife in my back pocket, I could try copying him exactly)Okay, but I'm not sticking the knife all the way into the gator's throat, just threatening it enough that I can make him let go I see a shillotte image of a man wrestling a gator with a rope tied around its jaws to a nearby tree right now because that gator isn't going to slink away in defeat, he is going to open up his jaws, sink those teeth in and finish me off His buddies will eat very well tonight YOU HEAR THAT FELLAS! It's a good thing my insanity keeps me from understanding the odds against me Time to mud wrestle an alligator and hope some left over office supplies are nearby All the percentage sliders need to be change right now because that gator isn't going to slink away in defeat, to far one way or the other Take a litte bit from all when slid to far one way or the other For the sake of not stressing myself too much, let's just focus on "distance between you and the gator" Seems like the easiest to start and given how this animal is likely to think, it should make a break for some of the others intuitively The alligator eyes you warily as you reach to your back to grab the knife in your pocket It crosses it's jaws briefly but seeing as it can't quite fit the whole body through the low shelf and slimy things seem to fly off of it The alligator struggles to get purchase on the floor but soon you're left with a creature that seems surprisingly graceful as it slithers at you The gators head begins a snapping motion and you use the leverage of your knees ; (One wood, one leg, solid Other leg? Not sure that'll hold up) to keep from falling over and do your best to hide behind the wooden shelf in front of you as you draw the butter knife! This would probably seem very comical if anyone were watching but the distorted reality makes you feel like something out of a dream Luckily not the nightmare kind push the head away from yours, stab and try to avoid the tail which is noticeably more powerful than you The pictures getting more and more vivid Is this thing on? or the gator will be able to bite down and crush your limbs, or worse your skull Getting leathery scales stuck to your forearms overtime while you pull towards you might hurt a bit, but not even close to getting your arm chewed off Once on the gator you must get control of the mouth or the gator will be able to bite down and crush your limbs, Put something in your hand to represent you holding the butter knife ; (perhaps a crayon) and act it out physically like they do in click clack music videos (Click here to see how they do it: http: //www youtube com/watch? v=NyB6dCWqiPU) Confidence is not really a strong point right now, those scales are big and nasty looking Hmmm, better think of something quick! Time Outs don't last forever! For first graders with vivid imaginations Paper and coloring utensils are good resources for this type of calm down club activity! Once the 2 minutes are up see how many of you can color something The more detailed your pictures are, and the more you can imagine when looking at each others pictures The most important part is that everyone has fun creating them! Relaxing for the win! Time's up! WHAT? Once again you're surprised you released that fantasy so quickly, and you hardly had anytime to think about your drawing Best of all? You're closer to the gator Looks like your knife-weapon will be some sort of crayon today It will be awkward to hold but snaps into sharp points in both ends, just the normal blunt round color on one end, spikey color on the other All you can hear down here is the slithering of wet scales, somewhere in the darkness Are they trapped too? Or are they close but silent? That's not entirely reassuring Nor is looking over at your friends with your new found sensory powers and seeing them encased in gray capsule like things Last time you looked they seemed to be filled to different levels, some frantic while others calm Fear favors the deluded, boy did that hold true today It's dark here Black as the darkest night? No, more like a newly opened blank notebook There is nothing here yet, but everything is possible This darkness is not empty, and it loathed being colonized by you You only really have one true option here once you get up The wooden stage That would be your best bet to stand on to see anything that will help you, although you'll be crippled with fear the whole time You are going to try anyways though Remember: You were put here to be the hero of this story! All you have to do is prove that they were right That's why you're suddenly thrown into a existential struggle with this dark plain once you reach the stage that is just blankness This realm is entirely mind, and you just occupied its current resident ; (which it obviously did not appreciate) But now what? Fight, or submit? You made this dark, yet here you stand Eradicating your shadow to the nothingness that was here before you in this realm Did that make you it's new boss? Sole master? God of darkness? Unfortunately just another denizen Your zany nature keeps you from feeling the full weight of this dire predicament, but still, this isn't somewhere you want to be It's like an eternal nighttime You see nothing but the star-speckled blackness broken up by distant gray hills that have a luminescent purple hue, almost like acid There are other colors here as well, blues and greens and more swirling about; although there perhaps are no actual physical items here ; (beside you, yourself) Perhaps it is a realm of ideas Yet this is not your home Your home is bright and happy, and surely somewhere close by Oh, you're in the darkness How silly of me! Of course you are, dear reader, we all are It surrounds us, permeates us, it binds the very universe together as a cohesive reality The darkness is within us all, and you are no exception, go on; admit to yourself your own dark thoughts Do it Come to think of it, why is there light at all? The bright sun, the shimmering moonlight, fireworks, electric lights, campfires, candlelight, cars and street lamps, glow sticks, lcd screens, flashlights, sunlight streaming through tall windows How lucky we are to experience such a wide array of visual stimuli! With so many options available as to how we may view our wonderfully surreal world, why does it always revert to just two? Black and white Without color, our world would be nothing more than a boring, bland place with no character or exceptional aesthetic Just a mass of "anything" that goes on anytime, anywhere; continuing on into infinity All real life problems and ideas would vanish without chromatic harmony, leaving us idle and unchallenged It is why life is never monochrome → You continue So what is happening? It was never your intent read this far, you were trying to find the book's end! Why are you indulging in a fictional story depicting yourself in such a dangerous situation, when you could wake up from the nightmare at any moment? You must admit that these plot twists are rather fascinating, though you really should feel afraid for your life! Shaking your head, you laugh at the absurdity of it all Your mind truly has gone haywire from the sleep deprivation Something about this whole situation just doesn't feel right though, and you doubt if reality is really setting you upon a catastrophic roller coaster ride You don't feel wind on your face from going 108 miles per hour, or hear the screams of other passengers like you would on a real thrill ride either Maybe this is frighteningly real But maybe it isn't a ride at all You just don't know Slowly opening your bleary eyes, you find yourself lying on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom Feeling on your face reveals that it is still drying out, and you have a splitting headache to add on to everything else Getting to your feet with heavy limbs, you glance over to the sink which has a large puddle of water with several toothbrush resting in it Sighing deeply, it appears that part of the delusion remained even after you "awoke" Did you really wake up at all? None of this feels or seems real Those books were right; reality is never what it seems to be Moving about stiffness in your body, you make your way out of the bathroom with slow steps while you get your bearings It's still the same hospital room, although different The entire reality has changed! The bizarre twisting and turning of the scene before your eyes confirms this is no longer anything like the reality you once knew Gone is the dull and boring hospital room, instead replaced by the intimidating skyline of a large city Looking down from your high vantage point, you observe buildings of random height beyond number level out into grids, with winding streets enough to get lost in This doesn't feel real Confused by the very idea, you begin to rationalize what's happening around you In fact, this feels like a video game While you've never experienced anything remotely like this in real life, you know there are games that are so realistic they could possibly be mistaken for reality Perhaps somehow your mind has conjured up a similar situation through delusion and wishful thinking Figuring that this must all be some kind of game, you come to one important decision You're going to play along You wouldn't be surprised if a villain jumps out from around the corner, but for now the prospect of danger just makes this more interesting There's not much else you can do anyway until you regain a clearer mind Because really, what's the point in debating over whether this is reality or a dream when either theory fits the facts? Isn't it possible to make reality into a dream and a dream into reality? Scratch that You'll just have fun with this while you can With gaming on your mind, the first thing you do is try to find a way out of this hospital With your new perspective, you easily avoid the nurse and swing open the door leaving the room The hallways seem much longer than they were, but eventually they end with the arrival of an elevator Such advanced technology As you step inside and examine the digital floors indicator, a glimpse of yourself in the mirror makes you pause You appear to be wearing a hospital gown, although it's not dirty and doesn't have any openings It's also extremely long so that it drags on the floor, not that you really care about your appearance at this moment What's more alarming is your hair, or rather the complete lack of it

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