#the boncas... lives were Changed

[reunitedinterlude]

boncas throwback

[locamotivednp]

tell me about your phannie journey?

How did you know I was in a mood to yap about dnp and myself anon?

Under a cut cause it’s long and self-indulgent

I started watching in summer 2012. I actually looked up my first video a few month ago and it was The Meaning of Life. Which yeah, tracks. I then tore through their backlog. I was immediately a phan shipper btw. I saw the blindfolded cat video and just knew.

I was on tumblr at the time (not on this blog, on my first blog) and dipped my toes into the phandom at the time. Mostly just lurked but it was fun.

Until the video leaked in October. Things were chaotic to say the least. And then there was the customer service blog which,,, was,,, bad.

I was 16 almost 17 and fully aware I was queer. A lot of the conversations at the time from the phandom (and from dan sorrryyyy) were not great and I didn’t really want anything to do with it.

So I had left the phandom pretty completely in 2013 although I still kept up with their videos and would occasionally lurk in the tag.

And then I started college in 2014 and completely left fandom. I stuck around on tumblr for a little bit longer and never left YouTube but I was pretty offline (comparatively). I was living a party hard, study hard lifestyle which didn’t leave much time for online life.

I do remember most of the big phannie stuff. Gaming channel. TATINOF/TABINOF announcement and the fallout from that. BONCAS. So I was kinda keeping up.

Until around 2018, when I started grad school. I was still watching their videos but I was fully off tumblr and wasn’t watching livestreams or anything. So I was aware of the changing vibes in their videos but not thinking much about it. I missed a lot of the II era.

BIG dropped when I was at my job in the state capitol lmao. Absolutly totally blindsided me. Had to wait hours to watch it. Which these days would have been torture but at the time I was less emotionally invested. Still cried tho.

Finished my masters program in 2020 (lol) and moved to Nashville. I worked from home and didn’t know anyone besides my roommates so I got back on tumblr and returned to my chronically online roots.

I was super into the stereos and Phil’s videos at the time. I was aware of WAD and watched Dystopia Daily. I also caught up on a lot of the stuff I missed.

But I didn’t join the tumblr phandom until gaming channel came back. Pretty much as soon as it was announced I was dialed in. I think I made this sideblog when the catboy sweater and pictures dropped. And now I am way more obsessed with them then I ever was in the last 12 years oops 🤷🏻‍♀️

To get sappy, the past year has been the most into phandom I’ve ever been and it’s come at a really important time for me. Real life is so kicking my ass right now and the phandom is such a source of joy and connection for me 🫣

[partlycharlie-archive]

bring me home

summary: "Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?" Dan can't speak. "Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog." (or: the story with the dogs.) word count: 2,722 warnings: shelter dogs, mentions of animal abuse a/n: this was my fic for the @phandomficfests fic exchange, for @bonca !!! hope u enjoy

read on ao3

"Okay. Okay. Hoo boy. Wow. Okay. Are we doing this? Yeah. Okay. Wait, are you sure we - "

"Dan." After a split second of hesitation, Phil grasps Dan’s hands in his own, gloved fingers interlacing with Dan’s bare ones. Dan startles, though, just a little bit, and he tries not to react. This is fine, he reminds himself. We’re out - finally, we’re out. Everybody knows now. There’s nothing to be worried about.

He tunes back into the world and suddenly realizes Phil is speaking. "- and when we’re away, maybe Louise could take them for a bit! Or PJ, or - or maybe we could take them with us!"

"Yeah," Dan says, smiling. Phil turns to face him, and Dan watches as his face transforms: the lines around his eyes crinkle just the slightest bit, and his right ear lifts the way it does whenever his cheeks stretch, and his tongue peeks just barely from in between grinning teeth.

God, my husband is beautiful.

"You weren’t listening, were you." It’s a statement, not a question.

Dan smiles sheepishly, glancing down at his feet. "Sorry, I’m just -" He realizes that he didn’t know how to finish his sentence, but he looks back up at Phil and he knows it didn’t matter. Phil knows what he was trying to say, as always.

"Yeah," he says, squeezing Dan’s hand, "me too."

"You know, I think this'll turn out okay. We'll get - a Shiba Inu, right? And they'll be awesome, no matter what gender, and even if they're a puppy it's fine because we have a relatively large house and we can totally afford to buy puppy pads or whatever else we need to train a puppy, and if anything we can find some sort of puppy trainer. And - and if it's not a puppy, then that's great too! Because, then they'll probably be trained, and then we can just do walks and we won't have to worry about training them or anything like that, and it'll be totally just relaxing..."

"Dan, you're rambling again."

Shit.

"Sorry - sorry, I know, I know. I'm just. Nervous. I also feel like we definitely had this conversation, like, three minutes ago."

"Yeah, we did." Phil stops short in the middle of the sidewalk, and Dan almost trips over himself before his feet remember to stop when he tells them to.

"Why did we just stop?"

Phil points to the awning above their head - Starbucks, Dan realizes. "I figured we could stop for a coffee, maybe calm ourselves down a bit before we head into the shelter?"

"You really think coffee - " Dan quirks a disbelieving eyebrow, then revises his statement. "Phil, we both know coffee makes you jittery. Are you sure that's the best idea?"

"Tea?" Phil tries weakly.

Dan sighs with a tiny smile, but he pushes open the cafe door all the same. "You know, if you wanted a chance to settle down before we go, you could've just told me."

Phil blinks rapidly for a few seconds. "Are you kidding me? You think this break is for me? Dan, have you seen yourself?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dan grumbles, but doesn't actually respond.

They get into the line and Dan pulls out his phone - yes, it's a bad habit to pull out his phone when he's just feeling bored, but it's a habit he doesn't feel like breaking, okay? - to check his messages.

There's one from Louise - good luck today!!! let me know when you get the pupper :DDD - and he smiles at it.

"Louise is happy for us," he says, tilting the phone in Phil's direction so that he can get a good look at it.

Phil grins when he sees the text. "I am too."

"Happy for us?" They move up in the line, and Dan starts to scan the pastry box - is that what it's really called? Dan feels like it's probably not, but to be honest he can't be bothered to remember - because he knows Phil is going to want something sweet when it's time for them to order, and Dan wants to be ready. Hmm... maybe the pumpkin muffin? The cheese danish looks pretty good…

"Yeah," Phil replies, knocking Dan out of his line of thought. "I'm excited."

Dan smiles at him. The cashier - pretty, with black braids tinged in green to match her nails - calls out, "Next customer, please!" and they walk up to the counter.

"Hello, how can I help you today?"

Phil smiles down at her - fucking giant that he is - and says, "This one will have a venti caramel macchiato, and I'll have a venti iced chai latte, please, and... oh, I kind of want something to eat..."

Dan cuts him off. "Cheese danish, please." Phil smiles at him gratefully.

"Do you want that warmed up?" the cashier - Alia, Dan notices as he looks - asks them. Phil glances sideways at him at the same time that he does the same, and they both smile at each other.

"Yes, please."

"Okay, that'll be 11 euro sixty, please." Phil fishes out his money and pays, accepting the change and the receipt in the palm of his hand, and they walk off towards the counter to wait for their drinks.

"Hey, Dan?"

Dan glances away from where one of the employees is making their drink (he can see Phil's name drawn in huge letters in Sharpie on the side of the cup) to look at Phil, who suddenly looks almost as anxious as Dan feels. "Yeah?"

"Just - what if they don't have a Shibe? Would you want to come back, or... or what?"

Dan wants to respond right away, but forces himself to take a step back and think about the question. It's obvious, regardless of how Phil may be trying to play it off, that this is important to him, so Dan needs to answer it right.

"Well. I'm not particularly concerned when it comes to what breed of dog we get - I'd be just as happy - well. Maybe not just as happy, but I definitely wouldn't mind having a Great Dane or a poodle or a chihuahua or a mutt, even, if we couldn't get a Shiba." Dan realizes he's rambling.

(Again. It's like some sort of motif or something. God, he really needs to get a grip on that.)

"TL;DR, I'd be fine with any dog. Don't worry about me."

Phil looks distinctly amused, Dan notes, as he takes his cup from the employee who had just yelled his order. "Thanks. Dan, you do realize we're having a verbal conversation, right?  Saying tl;dr doesn't, like, delete the last 30 seconds or anything."

Dan huffs.

"Caramel macchiato for Dan?" the employee calls, and Dan accepts it from his outstretched hand with a nod of thanks.

"Let me live," he says dourly, but Phil just huffs out a laugh and holds open the door for Dan to walk through.

"Christ, but it's cold out here. How are you drinking an iced chai? Who are you? Why?"

Phil just shrugs and takes a long sip of his drink, cheeks hollowing as he sucks through the plastic (eco-friendly his ass, Starbucks) straw. "Dunno. Layers, and gloves, probably," he says pointedly, staring directly at Dan's bare hands.

Dan narrows his eyes and curls protectively around his hot (preciously hot) drink. "Hmm. Okay. Sure. Don't come crying to me when your fingers start freezing off from the cold."

---

They stand outside of the pet shelter.

"Fuck. We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Yep," Phil says, grasping Dan's hand in a comforting motion and sweeping his thumb across Dan’s wrist.

"Let's go. Now."

Two things happen in that moment.

One: Dan realizes, very quickly, that he's been betrayed.

Two: Phil uses the hand that's attached to Dan's (purposely, he now knows, which is a betrayal in and of itself) to pull him towards the shelter.

Dan yelps, loudly, and several other people's heads swivel at the sound.

"Wh-what? Why. What. What."

"Because I know you," Phil replies (to that jumble of nonsense, no less), not letting go, "and if I didn't do anything you'd stand there for another fifteen minutes talking yourself in and out of adopting, even though we've been thinking about this for ages. Let's go."

Dan's mouth twists. "I hate it when you're right."

"I know." Phil doesn't stop pulling until they're inside the door.

The little bell at the top of the door jingles when Phil pushes it open, and an elderly East Asian woman pokes her head out from a row of cages.

"Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?"

Dan can't speak.

"Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog."

“How lucky!” The woman steps out and Dan smiles reflexively - whether it’s purposeful or not, she has the “harmless grandmother” shtick down pat, and he can feel himself starting to relax just looking at her. “We happen to have a couple of those around here.”

Phil snorts, and his eyes widen, like he wasn’t expecting the noise to come out.

“Anything you’re looking for in particular?” She crosses in front of them and heads to the front desk, settling herself down with a small oomph! (which - same.)

Phil elbows him while she’s looking down at some sort of notepad, and Dan also lets out a little oomph! (ha, see? They’re twins.)

What? he mouths, glancing back at the woman to make sure she isn’t looking at them.

She isn’t.

Phil points at her and raises his eyebrows, opening and closing his hand a couple of times in mimicry of a mouth talking.

Fuck.

Fine, he mouths back, rolling his eyes, and straightens up a little. He clears his throat and she looks up from her notepad with a soft smile, one that he can’t help but return. “We were thinking maybe, like - a Shiba Inu? Something like that, though obviously we’d probably be fine with really anything.”

The woman’s mouth twists into a frown. “Hmm. Come with me.”

Phil looks kind of concerned, and Dan shoots the same look back at him - a sort of do you think we should? type thing, complete with the eyebrows and the nose and the mouth (you know, the whole shebang).

Phil shrugs, and they walk.

---

“This place is way bigger than I thought it was,” Dan whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

They’re following the woman - Ellie, as they learn when Phil asks - down a path that seems more like a maze at this point. Dan got lost after the first four turns and Phil, the poor soul that he is, has almost wandered off in completely the wrong direction at least twice.

Phil shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe she’s the newest Doctor.” Dan smiles against his will and almost crashes into Ellie, who has stopped without warning.

“Here she is,” she says, almost sadly, squatting to be closer to the dog she’s talking about. Dan turns and crouches so that he can look into the cage that she’s pointing back, and -

Shit.

He almost falls on his ass.

The Shiba laying on its (her? That’s what Ellie said, right?) haunches, staring up at Dan with the most pitiful eyes he’d ever seen, is fucking hideous.

God, Dan feels like an asshole.

Her hair is matted, one eye looks like it’s sealed shut, and the side of her face with the sealed eye droops a little bit. Dan’s eyebrows crease and he looks a little closer, and - yep, she’s missing a leg; the hind right one is cut off at the base, and all that’s left is a little stump.

Jesus Christ, what happened to her?

“We don’t know, actually.” Shit, did he say that out loud? “Only got her about a week ago, and she showed pretty serious signs of abuse and malnutrition, but other than that - no. I have no idea. One of my volunteer kids found her in an alley down the block, looking even worse, if you can believe it.” From the distance, the sound of a bell echoes, and Ellie perks up a little bit. “Sorry,” she says, standing up and brushing off the imaginary dust from her knees, “I’ve got to go get that.”

“How loud is that fucking bell?” Dan asks after a few seconds, tilting his head back to look at Phil. His skull thumps a little bit against Phil’s thigh, and Phil starts carding his hand through Dan’s hair.

“Too loud, if we can hear it from back here. I swear it didn’t seem that noisy when we walked in…”

Dan sighs. “I don’t know, Phil. She’s… I don’t know.” Phil lets go of his hair - Dan takes a moment to mourn the loss - and pushes Dan to sit up straight, walking to his left to sit down.

His face freezes when he sees her clearly for the first time. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“God, she’s so…” Phil sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “We could take her, you know.”

“Come on, Phil,” Dan says. "You know we can't. God, I'd love to, but... it's too much. You know we don't have the time to take care of a dog like her."

Phil sighs and nods, pushes himself to his feet right as Ellie rounds the corner in front of them, looking like she already knows what they're thinking.

"It's a no, then, hmm?" she asks, and doesn't seem surprised when Dan shakes his head.

"I'm really sorry," he says, laughing a bit self-deprecatingly, "I just - I don't really think we have the time to put into someone who needs so much help, you know?"

Ellie nods slowly. "No worries - I know it can be tough, to have to spend that much time on an animal who can't help themself, per se."

Do you? Dan wonders, although he doesn't say anything. They've been here for half an hour, at least, and he's only heard one other person walk in, but Ellie went to get the door by herself. It doesn't seem like there's anybody else working here (at least, not right now), so wouldn't that mean she takes care of all of these animals on her own?

Every day?

Food, water, attention, medical care?

God - that's only four things, but it feels like so - maybe too - much.

"Well!" Ellie claps her hands together and urges Dan off the floor. He gets up, sparing one last glance at the Shibe, and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "You're looking for something a little more low-maintenance, I'm guessing? A little less work, preferably potty-trained, a little calmer?"

Dan’s first instinct is to argue back - to tell her what he had told Phil, that they’d really be fine with anything - but he stops for a second and realizes she’s right. They’ve got a lot going on, what with the move and the interviews (who knew, announcing your gay love for your roommate and fellow Youtuber would get you so much traction?), and it would be easier on the both of them if they could have a dog they didn’t have to worry too much about.

So he says, “Yeah, actually. That’d be nice.”

She nods once, firmly, and beckons them to follow her again. Dan and Phil exchange a look, a sort of this? again? kind of thing, but it's only a stretch of hallway and one turn before they land in front of another cage, this time with a medium sized dog (a corgi, the tiny little blessing) with a short tail that starts wagging ferociously once they catch sight of the group.

“This is Charlie,” Ellie announces, smiling brightly at them. “He’s four years old now - potty trained, otherwise trained, very happy overall but also pretty relaxed. Yeah?”

Phil immediately drops into a squat and threads his fingers through the holes in the cage, grinning when Charlie trots over to nose at his hand. “Hey, Charlie!” Dan can hear the exclamation points in his voice, and he and Ellie share a content smile. “Who’s a good boy? Hmm? You are, aren’t you? Yes, yes you are!”

“So. Yes?” She reaches down to the lock on the cage and pulls out a ring of keys, shuffling through them to find the right one, labeled C3A24.

Dan smiles down at them. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s the one.”

[succubusphan]

Team Yalia’s Bingo Master Post

Prepare for trouble, and make it double: I’m not going to write an entire motto, It’s just Yani @succusphan and Julia @shippingfangirl26, enjoy our content.

Card 1:

Podfic for the Phandom fic fest Bingo: During Dan and Phil’s Interactive Introverts Show in Berlin, Phil has a problem with the climate. Fortunately, he has Dan with him as reassurance. [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26. 1k: 1 prompt. (Quiff/hobbit hair is not valid because it’s from the other card, it was included in the hp au.)

Wind beneath my wings: Phil thinks about how far Dan and him have come during the Boncas. [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26. 1.3k: 1 prompt.

A drop in the ocean:  Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there. [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26.  12,3k: 11 prompts.

But your ghost, the ghost of you it keeps me awake:  Omega Dan wishes he could find a mate before it’s too late, but he knows all hope is lost… [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26.  4,6K: 7 prompts.

Home is Where the Heart is: Phil had seen many instances of Mister Howell’s life. Being his personal chauffeur and bodyguard meant that he was closed to him at all times. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 1k: 1 prompt.

Hope for the Good Times: The recluse Town Witch, Phil decides to move into the forest for some peace and quiet, but instead, he found someone special. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 1.1k: 2 prompts.

Giving the People what they Want: Dan and Phil surprise the Phandom during a liveshow. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 558: 1 prompt.

Survival: Dan and Phil try to survive the apocalypse. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 752: 1 prompt.

Card 2:

AmazingPhil’s not so secret Spotify : Phil makes a new Spotify Playlist and his Fandom jumps to conclusions… [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26 726: 1 prompt.

I wanna be the only one to make it to the light : On his first day as a racing driver for Williams Phil Lester crashes into the Mercedes driver Dan Howell. Dan is not too happy about that… [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26. 2.3k: 1 prompt. 

Breathe On Me: Musicians Dan and Phil were about to go on their first date as an official couple, if only they could make it through the door… [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 2.2k: 3 prompts.

The Fire that Holds Us Together: Dan, Phil, Harry and Draco return to Hogwarts for their 8th year and their lives change forever.  [Read on ao3] By Succubusphan, 13.1k: 6 prompts.

Sweet Dreams: He woke up but didn’t open his eyes. Sleep still made his eyelids feel heavy and he buried his face into the pillow, feeling oddly hot and sweaty. He rolled his shoulders, feeling strangely stiff and uncomfortable and quickly realized something was wrong. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 1.6k: 3 prompts.

Normalness Leads to Sadness: Ten year old Phil makes a new friend during his family holidays and his life changes forever. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 3.1k: 6 prompts.

With the Taste of your Lips I’m on a Ride: Dan has a special request for Phil. [Read on ao3] - By Succubusphan, 1.4k: 2 prompts.

The wonders of Riverdale: Phil travels to San Diego only with Comic Con tickets and returns with so much more. [Read on ao3] - By shippingfangirl26. 1.1k: 2 prompts.

Moodboard: Piano Prompt.

Moodboard: Instagram prompt.

Edit: Body swap prompt.

[alteregowo]

Hi! I love Dan and Phil, individually and together, but I think they're not trying to hide a romantic relationship. Don't you think that after ten years, they'd finally come out if they were? I mean there are a lot of gay couples on youtube and it would not be that big of a deal today than it was in 2007. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. Have a nice day!

before i answer, disclaimer: i have ADD and this post might get messy since i find it difficult to concentrate and phrase myself properly (and english isn’t even my main language!)

well, i’m not gonna try and force my own views down your throat or anything but let me ramble a bit about why i wholeheartedly believe dan and phil are in a relationship;

i think i’ll start with the very fact that they recently moved to their third shared home together. say whatever you want to say but if they were indeed just friends, considering they’re in their mid 20s and 30 dont you think they’d want to move out separately and get going with their lives? and dont you think they wouldn’t be so keen on making comments about keeping living together in the long run (or forever….  a forever home say whaaaat). 

now, you might argue with the good ol’ “but they benefit from living together regardless of relationship status”. fair enough. however, let me point out that it has became as clear as day especially in 2017 that they share a bedroom. i don’t know about you but i don’t think two strictly platonic friends who just moved into a duplex would want/ need to share a bedroom unless they’re uhhh mayhaps in a relationship and love to cuddle? i know a wild concept…….

and i’m sorry but if you want to argue against the shared bedroom fact with the shoebox phil claims is “his room” i have nothing to say but shake my head. no way phil actually lives in that room that has no windows and no space to move around and why is the entire room crammed in this one corner… where is the rest of the room……. and why is that room has no personal touch to it…. it’s literally just AmazingPhil props and things……… feels much more like a set to me than an actual bedroom. (also we saw phil’s mirror and hair straighter in the moon room aka “”dan’s bedroom”” which i think we can all collectively agree is simply “the bedroom”)

another thing that strikes me is how dan joins phil’s family vacations (especially in 2017) and how he seems to become part of the family much more than anyone who’s classified as “platonic” to phil would have. dan is just as much of a lester as cornelia is? dan joins the lesters just as much and as frequent as a spouse would. in fact, dan joins the lesters so much on their adventures that if im not wrong, the longest dan and phil spent apart in 2017 was not more than a weekend? that’s whack!

now these were just three things that were very prominent in 2017 regarding the belief whether dan and phil are in a relationship or not that were “behind the scenes”as in going on in their personal lives, kind of? i mean sure we see the  shoebox on AmazingPhil and the moon room in some liveshows and we get pictures from their shared vacations but now i will move on to what we see on screen across their channels

i’ll start this with a throwback to the boncas bc i think that damn speech is enough to debunk any “uwu platonic” argument, ever. i don’t think phil would have done THAT if dan didn’t mean a whole lot to him and i think saying the universe would rip in half in they go apart is a concrete proof that they themselves can;t and don’t want to imagine a life in which they are not joint at the hip. 

moving on to gamingmas, which i will forever find so significant?? they broke a lot of boundaries during that month regarding of invading personal space, a bit of a more mature humor (esp on phil’s account), casual touching and a whole lot of flirting and a lot less (almost none at all) looks straight into the camera to show they are aware this is filmed or to do a “wtf is this lol” kinda thing. gamingmas was a turning point. i will forever firmly believe they did all of that in an attempt to normalize this kind of behavior on screen (and it definitely worked!)

dan and phil continued the vibes of gamingmas well into 2017 and the casual touches, lingering gazes and flirting (as well as expressing affection towards males in specific) is now the normal running theme over at dapg to a degree where we don;t even lose our shit anymore. we joke and meme but nothing strikes us as overwhelming bc we are “used” to it, which i think dan and phil aimed for i genuinely think they wanted to get to this stage of showing more comfort and more intimacy on screen without everyone and their mothers going whack over “pHaN iS rEaL!!!!!1″ and for it all to come across as oh so casual and chill! 

so now you ask, “they go through all that why not just come out lol”

WELL, in my honest opinion, dan and phil will never officially come out as a couple. and you know what, maybe things would have been different if The Video didn’t leak and get spread around (twice, mind you.) but things happen and one thing lead to another and after all they have been through and how they were shaped as people and their experiences with guarding and protecting themselves and their privacy any sort of statement about whether or not they are a couple or just friends or even paid actors  (let alone labeling themselves and their sexuality bluntly) is highly unrealistic. so if you are waiting for a coming out video or whatever to convince you that won’t ever happen i’m afraid. 

dan and phil value their privacy and they have every right to do so.

so yes, maybe in the early days of 2009/10 they were very flirty all across social media and on camera and maybe just maybe you need to consider the few following things regarding why they stopped with that:

The Video leak. like honestly? can’t and won’t find any more justified reason to feel the need for privacy and shielding yourself and making comments on how ‘het’ you are  for instance just to brush off the most intimate thing imaginable that since has been glorified and memorized by millions(?) of people who were never meant to even know this video and that declaration of affection even exists. is it scary. and i fully understand the “no homo howell” phase and how awkward they appeared together on camera for awhile, very very proud of how far they;ve came esp in 2017 though. 

the radio show! is it a little tied to The Video leak since the second leak happened when the radio show was still fairly new but before they moved to london (into their second shared home coughs) they weren’t all that big, you know? but with the popularity of the radio show came the increasing popularity of their youtube channels and their followers/ subscribers count went up and up and their content became exposed to a much larger range of audience and these new audience/ fans were not familiar with the past (at least not at first glance) and dan and phil needed to leave “good” impression (not that being flirty and dumb wasn’t good impression but it wasn’t all that professional and now they’ve grown big enough to be in need of professionalism.)

these two things were a turning point to how dan and phil view themselves on camera and their content itself (phil sticking to the AmazingPhil PG persona) (dan with his struggles with creativity and integrity zzzz) and really, considering their story  (and how well known the early days are, and how dan and phil are aware to that…) it suddenly makes perfect sense why dan and phil aren’t in any sort of rush or need to ever come out.

however though, i think that the “post baking universe” as in the halloween 2016 baking video, the boncas speech, the european leg of tatinof, pinof 8, and gamingmas were a prep to this switch in dynamics we have seen in 2017 and that keeps very steady so far. feels as if late 2016 was so “wild” bc they were testing the waters and our reactions to see if they wanna pull through with this change. 

so, even if they will never officially come out, their dynamic both on and  off screen screams that they are literal boyfriends and they don’t need to spell it out for us to know and see. anyone who cares enough about their relationship status and look at their content with it in mind can very obviously and easily see how in love these two dorks are. same love from the early days of 2009/10 only now it has shifted into a steady, secure, safe, most wonderful thing and you can see that their love towards each other in filling their hearts with pure joy.

so yeah, dan and phil are definitely in a relationship and that doesn’t seem to change anytime soon, if ever at all.

(THAT WAS SO MESSY IM SORRY BUT I HOPE MY POINT CAME ACROSS?)

[queenofallcorgis]

Screw It

Summary: Wedding planning was completely overwhelming. The right color flowers, the right number of forks, the right order of the ceremony. Was it even worth it? They just wanted to be married, all that other stuff didn’t matter.

Warnings: Very, very, very slight mention of suicidal thoughts in the past

It was almost depressing how often this happened. Phil shut the door behind him and paused, listening for either the sobs or the shouting. The sound of sniffles and heavy breaths made him sigh and he placed his keys in the tiny bowl on the nearby table. “Dan?” He called out. “You okay?” “It’s all going to shit!” He flinched at the angry snarl and turned the corner to walk into the living room. Dan looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes and his hair a frizzy mess. His clothes were wrinkled and he had obviously slept in them. Their wedding binders and samples were spread all across the tables and couches and. “I’m sure it’s just-“ “Apparently the DJ had to quit because it is his niece’s baptism on the same day. Does a baptism need a DJ? Isn’t that a morning kind of thing anyway?” Dan ranted, waving his hands wildly as he spoke. “Then, the bakery calls and apparently strawberries are out of season so they have to charge more than they originally quoted. Can you believe this shit?” “The wedding is three months away. We can figure something out,” Phil stepped forward and Dan wrapped his arms around himself. “This is supposed to be perfect! In the time since we’ve started planning we have had to talk to multiple tux places because they wanted to uncharge us a ridiculous amount for tall sizes. Your cousin threw a fit because we didn’t have any vegan options on the menu and then someone else got upset because they wanted to special order something to eat. Then, the venue double booked and we had to scramble!” Tears flashed in Dan’s eyes. “It’s three months away but how much more can go wrong?” Tears started to trickle down his cheeks and Phil stepped forward to wrap him in a long hug. He let the younger man cry into his shoulder for a few moments before pressing a kiss to his temple. “It’ll be all right.” “But what if it isn’t Phil!” Dan choked out. “What if everything goes wrong and we just…” “What? Don’t get married?” Phil laughed and got a watery chuckle in response. “Because in three months we’ll be married. We’ll be husbands and all this crap will be behind us.” A few moments passed before Dan pulled back with a sigh. “Is all this crap even worth it then?” “No.” The look on Dan’s face would have made him laugh if it didn’t look like he might have been killed in response. “I mean, all of this is secondary. In twenty years we aren’t going to care what our colors were or what flavor of mint we put in those stupid little boxes. We’ll just remember that we promised to be each other’s everything,” Phil smiled and got a kiss in response. “Then…fuck it.” “What?” Phil laughed, his smile fading when Dan looked beyond serious. “Fuck it! Forget flowers or steak and all that. Let’s just go to the god damned courthouse!” Dan finally looked excited for the first time in forever. “You’re serious?” It was impossible not to get swept up in Dan’s enthusiasm. “Yes! Let’s go to the courtroom right now!” He bounced on the balls of his feet. “We already have the application. We can get married today.” The excitement melted into a soft warmness as Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck. “We can get married today.” “Then why wait! Let’s get married!” Phil kissed him again and pushed on his shoulders. “What the hell do you wear to a spur of the moment wedding?” “Whatever we want! None of your cosplaying stuff,” Dan warned. “Go get changed.” He felt almost giddy as he walked into their bedroom. They still kept the other bedroom as Dan’s, mainly just to store his stuff. As soon as he got in front of his closet his mind went blank. What was he going to wear to his own wedding? They had planned on matching tuxes but obviously those weren’t going to be ready for another two months. His hands flipped through his clothes quickly before he settled on something, a grin spreading across his face. The golden suit jacket from the BONCAS slid over his shoulders, settling nicely as he smoothed out the fabric. It was such a beautiful night. It was the night that all their hard work was recognized. It was the night Phil proposed in their living room, still in their suits and still buzzing from the thrill and champagne. He stepped back into the living room and burst out laughing. Dan was wearing his own dazzling disco ball suit jacket, looking so much like he had that night except for his soft curls now. “You dork,” he giggled, kissing him deeply again. They swayed together for a long moment before walking out to meet the taxi Dan had called hand in hand. “Where to boys?” The driver asked, glancing back at them with a kind smile. “To the courthouse please,” Phil smiled back and squeezed Dan’s hand. “We’re on our way to get married.” “Well congratulations to you both,” the driver chuckled and started the drive. They remained quiet most of the time, smiling at each other and squeezing each other’s hands. In almost no time they found themselves outside of the courthouse. They thanked the driver and then walked up the stairs hand in hand. Phil knew they must have looked ridiculous in their sparkling suits at three in the afternoon but he couldn’t care less. He didn’t care about the bare walls or disinterested staff. He didn’t care that they spend almost an hour filling our paperwork and waiting. He didn’t care that they were actually given a number and had to wait for the judge to call them back. He didn’t care because they were getting married today. “Number thirty-four?” A woman called and they jumped to their feet. Phil surged forward, tugging Dan behind them as they stepped into the judge’s office. “Hello!” The judge was an older kind looking man. “You must be Philip and Daniel. My name is Judge Marcus Lewis.” “So nice to meet you,” Phil enthused and shook his hand, followed by Dan. “I understand you are here to apply for a marriage license?” Judge Lewis glanced up. “Oh, we’ve already done that. We’re here to get married today,” Dan gave Phil an adoring look and butterflies fluttered in his stomach, feeling so similar to how he felt when they spent hours talking over Skype all those years ago. “Fantastic,” the judge beamed. “I love weddings! So, this is how this works. You can choose to make this quick and I’ll just say the words or you can say a few words yourself.” “I’d like to say something I guess?” Phil turned to him, taking his hands. “Do I go now?” “If you’d like,” the judge nodded. The silliness and joking faded the moment Phil met Dan’s eyes. He had never though that just responding to a twitter DM would have him standing across from the love of his life. Any thought he might have had in his mind faded away and tears flooded his eyes. “You haven’t even said anything! Don’t start crying now,” Dan laughed, sounding choked himself. “It all just hit me,” Phil wanted to wipe at his eyes but couldn’t bring himself to pull his hands away. “So…the day I met you was the best day of my life. You inspired me to follow every dream I had. You stood by me and fought for me. When things were dark you were my light. When I was scared you were there to comfort me. When I…questioned myself you were sure. Everything good in my life is because of you.” Tears streamed down Dan’s face and his eyes were overly bright. “You son of a bitch. How can I follow that?” “Shut up,” Phil rolled his eyes but shrugged his shoulder to wipe his eyes against his jacket. “I meant every word.” “Okay, let me try now…I was scared and alone when I met you. You gave me the courage to try and…you saved me Phil. I don’t know if you knew how many times you pulled me away from that ledge but you did,” Dan’s voice cracked. “You make me so happy, every day I’m happy because of you. I want to spend the rest of my life being happy with you.” Phil didn’t even care that he was openly crying now. “Do you two have the rings?” The judge asked after a moment, breaking them from their moment. “Oh…no,” Dan paused, knowing that their rings were supposed to come in two weeks before the wedding. He frowned before shrugging slightly. “But do we need them?” “Not necessarily,” Judge Lewis smiled. “We can just continue with the vows.” “Let’s do that,” Phil took his hands again. “Do you, Philip Michael Lester, take Daniel James Howell to be your lawfully wedding husband?” He looked at Phil and a sudden gravity hit him. This was the moment they would make this official. This was the moment their lives changed forever. “Of course I do,” he paused, knowing this was the moment he should slide the ring on. Instead he lifted Dan’s left hand up and kissed over his left ring finger. “And do you, Daniel James Howell, take Philip Michael Lester to be your lawfully wedded husband?” He turned to Dan who nodded frantically. “Oh, sorry. I do, absolutely,” he repeated the kiss to Phil’s finger. “Then I proclaim you husband and husband. You may kiss your groom,” he laughed as Dan surged forward and kissed his new husband deeply. They grinned into the kiss and Dan shrieked as Phil dipped him back. Hours later they sat on the couch, legs intertwined, with a box of pizza open in front of them and a glass of wine in each hand. “Hey, open up,” Phil held a piece of the pizza in front of him. “I didn’t get to feed you a piece of cake.” “If you smash the in my face I swear to God I’ll divorce you,” Dan glared. “I would never do that to my new husband,” Phil teased, drawing the word out. He hoped that Dan’s eyes never stopped lighting up at his new title.  

[fraiseblond]

Walking Through A Storm

This is for the anon that made me excited for writing once again!

Tags: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Dan keeps his fears in the shadows, guarded always. But his parents have always managed to bring out the ugly side in him. It’s time to stop running away and brave the inevitable.

Warnings: Homophobia, Anxiety

Word Count: 1.8 k

read on ao3

“I don’t wanna be here and I know you don’t too.” Dan’s pout can be heard in his voice.

“Be nice, c’mon.” Phil is unsurprisingly, ever the optimistic.

They are standing in front of Dan’s parents’ house, bags packed for a day’s visit. The BONCAS win had made Dan’s parents, albeit reluctantly, assent to the career path Dan had chosen. It was a pity that an award had made them give in, but it was better than the strained phone conversations.

“It’s going to be fine, Dan, they’re your parents, they love you and will look out for you.”  Phil pecks his cheek and gives him a small smile.

“Hey! None of this here,” but he can’t help but be more cheery than before.

“Got it, your Highness, my affection has no place in this city for I am a mere plebeian-”

Dan’s laugh is cut off when the door swings open. With the theme of change that has been going, both of his parents are there to welcome him. Dan immediately straightens and sends a nervous stare in Phil’s direction. Some habits do die hard. He is suddenly reminded of the first time he had introduced Phil and the nervous current passes through his body once again.

“Hello Mr and Mrs Howell! It’s so good to see you!” Phil sounds so genuine; it pulls at Dan’s heart strings. He finds himself falling in love with the man he is with over and over between smiles and candid words.

“Hello, mum and dad! Looking good!”

“Oh look at you Daniel, you look so grown up, you too Phil; come on in, can’t let stars standing outside the door for too long.”

‘She manages to sound even more sincere than me, the BONCAS really did something,’ Dan thinks, faking a smile. They step in the house, pulling their individual suitcases that Dan was ridiculously particular about.

Dan’s mum is talking to Phil, probably guiding him to Adrian’s room now that he is off to university. Phil’s face is honest and open as he listens to Dan’s mum. He doesn’t fight the faint smile that creeps up on his face.

“I’m glad that you have gotten past the bad parts of your life.” Dan’s dad stresses on the words bad parts in a way that makes his skin crawl. He begrudgingly swallows the bile and the disgust that threatens to tumble and flashes his teeth to his dad.

“I’m proud of you son!” Words that Dan waited his childhood to hear now sting him as his dad pats him on his back. He hears the words that are not spoken. ‘I’m glad that you are not with a man now, you are no longer an embarrassment’

His chest closes up walking through familiar halls that repressed him, walls that loomed over him trying to snatch away his identity. The house manages to make him feel small again; fear that he grew acquainted with and fought with, returning.

*

He unpacks in his room. Phil is in Adrian’s.  Living in separate rooms is not foreign to them, but existing together should be natural in a homely environment. He thinks about the Lesters’ and their chattering and warm grins, a stark contrast to the coldness of his house.

The mechanical motion of putting his clothes in place is a respite from the negative thoughts. It should be comical really, if it wasn’t so sad; that he now 25 years old, sneaks in his boyfriend to his parents’ house.

“Dan, your mum and I are going out for a while; we’ll be in time for dinner!”

“Okay dad, enjoy!” he shouts.

His parents aren’t even bothering to pretend to entertain them. Classic.

*

“Hey,” Phil’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“Hi” Dan turns to face him. Phil looks tired. He has dark circles under his eye and his old hoodie fits a little too tight on him. He settles on Dan’s bed with his knees bent up trying to look as small as possible. He has his glasses on, a sign of weariness. He has never looked so beautiful, curled up on Dan’s old bed. He doesn’t deserve this.

A wave of anger washes over him.

“I can’t believe them. It’s 2016 and they still behave like this! Is it really so bad that I have a boyfriend. I thought they could change. I thought that accepting me being a youtuber was a sign that they would come around. But boy was I wrong,” he says bitterly.

“All I wanted was approval, ever since I was young. I am proud of you is not difficult to utter. He says those words now, when he thinks I am a straight lad, being just bros with you. Why is it so difficult to just accept goddamn! I’m not even close with Adrian because of avoiding their shit. When will they let me be who I am, when can I stop pretending Phil, when can I stop pretending?” He breaks down on the last sentences.

Phil walks up to him. “You’re too pretty to be crying.”

“Do you like me only for my looks,” Dan jokes.

“Uhmm yes-” Phil smiles and kisses him near his mouth. Dan laughs.

“Now that is what I wanted to see, my… animal cracker”

“Philll-”

Phil kisses him on the mouth, firm and insistent. Phil’s hand is in his hair, tugging lightly. He keeps his hand on Phil’s steady shoulders as Phil licks into his mouth. It’s intoxicating really, Phil’s aftershave is all he can smell, his little noises all he can hear. There is a thrill in kissing someone familiar; he knows the curve of Phil’s lips, his tongue that is licking into his mouth, his teeth that bite his lower lip just the way that makes him mad. He moans, opening his mouth a little more, his hand now inching towards Phil’s thighs. Phil sighs-

“Dan, do you need- Oh my!” Dan’s mum barges in his room.

They rush away from each other.

“Honey, what’s the matter,”

Dan’s dad walks into the room. His face hardens as he analyses the situation.

“Come on, we were leaving, they clearly don’t need anything.” He leaves the room, not bothering to meet Dan’s eyes.

The sound of the door locking matches the crack in Dan’s heart. He hugs Phil, who looks as disconsolate as he feels. “It’s not your fault” he murmurs between the crook of Phil’s neck. “I’ll just be back in a minute.”

*

Phil realises Dan needs to be alone. He takes these sentiments particularly hard. Dan is sensitive, way too loving. His entire being is filled with affection that he tried to hide under his ‘danisnotonfire’ persona. It is his honour to see him bloom into himself, a pure, tender man with fondness bleeding through him.

But Dan is not just this man he has come to love he is also an exposed child, craving for his parents’ praise. Phil can never relate to that, he is what he is because of his parents’ support. He can never understand what Dan goes through; can never recognize the tension that flashes underneath tight lipped words.

He will definitely understand if Dan breaks up with him. The warmth of parental love is irreplaceable.

Phil is pacing the room now, a habit he picked up from Dan. He keeps running his hands through his hair, messing it up and trying to smooth it again.

He keeps imagining situations where Dan breaks up with, his parents materialising behind him. It’s torture, really, mulling over various circumstances.

Dan’s voice breaks his train of thoughts. “Hey, sit with me in the living room for a while?”

“Yeah sure,” Phil nods. It’s all he can manage.

*

The living room smells musty, like it has not had fresh air in for a long time. It looks exactly how it looked when Dan left home 7 years ago; it’s an eerie reflection of his parents’ beliefs, he snickers bitterly. Phil and he are sitting on a lonely sofa pushed to the back of the room.

There is a clock ticking in the background, consistent. Its regular thud sends a wave of anxiety down his spine. The noise of the fan does not help to soothe his growing anxiety. Phil is holding his hand, his one connection to the world.

Dan’s mind is a whirlwind, his thoughts pitch black and cyclonic. Phil senses this and is quiet. Moments like these, with Phil’s hand in his and murky thoughts choking him take him to a place years ago, in Manchester with his parents’ voices in his head and a raging war in his chest. A lot has changed since then, but sharp words still reduce him to this.

Dan hates this, hates how deep cuts run when spilled with anger.

He has learnt to be strong all these years, learnt that can you build yourself up with love and understanding. He can stand up for himself and for his love, the cuts aren’t deep when sweet words fill them up.

*

His parents arrive home late at night. His thoughts have taken a steep turn from when they walked on them.

“I’m done, come with me,” Dan’s words send a shiver down his spine. Dan’s eyes are determined, his expression stoic and not giving away anything. It sends Phil down a pit of desolation. He lets himself be pulled by Dan towards his parents. He suddenly feels detached, feels all hope leave his body.

Nausea overtakes him.

Dan is no longer looking at him, his eyes ablaze and staring at his unsuspecting parents, but he tightens his hold on Phil’s hand. He tries to make that into a good thing, but it is difficult when he feels like he is staring into imminent despondency.

Dan clears his throat.

“I’m tired mum and dad. You both have tried to control and micro manage my life, you made me scare to be myself, something that I always have propagated. Congratulations on making me think and overthink all my actions so that I’m just a pool of anxiety and nothing else.”

Dan’s parents shift around uncomfortably. Their gaze settles on where their hands are linked, a single sign of intimacy.

“But I have learnt that it is okay to express myself, to not just exist but live like who I am. It has been a journey but there always has been a person I can rely on.”

He looks at Phil now, a small smile reserved for him.

“And I am not going to leave that person for the sake of your discomfort or the ‘humiliation’ you will face. You are homophobic, accept the fact. You don’t care about me. No amount of sugar you coat on your ugly words will change the fact that you are not concerned about my well-being.”

Phil can sense the change in the environment. He feel proud of the man he calls his partner. He flashes him a smile to see that Dan is already looking at him, his face open and fulfilled. Dan kisses him gently, hands still linked.

 Phil doesn’t know what this means to Dan’s family, but what he knows as his heart fills with overwhelming fondness that Dan is his family and nothing will ever change that.

[phanarchy-blog]

The fact that Dan and Phil were matching at the YouTube meeting thing just reminded me of how often they match and it kills me. And it also brought up two possibilities of how these things happen, which I will write in two separate hcs.

Possibility 1:

♥ “Dan, what are you wearing today?” Phil calls from his behind his cracked-open bedroom door. “Like, what color?”

♥ “What color do you think I’m wearing today, Phil?” Dan chuckled. Oh, duh. Of course he’d be wearing black. He’s always wearing black. Phil pulled his black jacket out and took a look at it. Phil wasn’t a huge fan of wearing black, but he wanted to match today.

♥ It had become their more subtle ways of defining their relationship to those around them, matching clothes. In certain videos, at the BONCAs last year.. It screamed we are a team, a duo.

♥ Phil threw the jacket on over his undershirt. Phil had become much more comfortable with this sort of declaration in recent years. Now he sort of liked it. It was ambiguous enough that they could always claim it doesn’t make them a couple, necessarily. It doesn’t. But, it also just shows an undeniable connection that they found themselves unashamed of.

♥ And Phil loved being part of a team now. Having Dan by his side at nearly every event. Arriving together, socializing together, leaving together. Going home at the end of the night and reliving the experience with his best friend and lover.

♥ Phil left his bedroom and caught sight of Dan in the hallway, in a smart button-up, black from head to toe. Dan saw his outfit too. 

♥ “So, this is why you asked, huh?” Dan giggled and pulled Phil closer to him, looking at him up and down. “One of those days?”

♥ “Yeah,” Phil blushed. He averted his gaze down.

♥ “It’s cute,” Dan said. “I like it when we do this.”

Possibility 2:

♥ Phil walked out of the bedroom, into the living room where he found Dan, dressed in all black, looking quite handsome. Dan caught sight of Phil’s outfit, his black bomber jacket.

♥ “Again?” Dan asked jokingly. “How does this keep happening to us?”

♥ “What?” Phil looked around, not understanding.

♥ “We match again!” Dan laughed. “Dorks!” He gestured to the both of them.

♥ Phil looked down at himself. Yep, they looked like a really cheesy couple.

♥ “Well, we’re running late, I’m not changing,” Phil announced definitively.

♥ “I’m not changing, you’re on my brand, remember?” Dan scoffed.

♥ “Then,” Phil said, “I believe we are at an impass.” Dan gave him a soft look for using such a phrase.

♥ “Oh, I don’t give a shit. Let’s go.” Dan opened the door and followed Phil out.

[dangoghz]

also, remember 2010-2014? when dan and phil were too scared to even be close to each other, had different booths at vidcon and tried to separate themselves bc the shipping was getting ridiculous?

(fic discourse tag that this anon has created singlehandedly by their contempt for phanfic writers)

i think dnp are a loooot different nowadays than they were in like 2012. people who have been in the phandom for longer than me (ive only been watching em since late 2015) probably have experienced dnp’s changes more than i have, and feel free to add on if u are a Veteran Phannie of 2012, but here are some of the ways they have changed:

dan used to literally make gay jokes and deny he liked boys but watch any 2017 video and he literally freely talks ab his sexuality, having a crush on evan peters, etc. 

ok their branding is totally different now,,, llamas r cah ringe

both of them used to talk ab how they were two different people and to keep them separate and that they weren’t conjoined heads blablah (especially when someone would ask ab phil in dan’s liveshow or vice versa) but now they produced two books, two films, a stage show, bbc radio 1, and more !! together ! 

and lastly, they have grown so much more appreciative of artwork and writing that the fanbase produces. they feature literal art of phil as a horse flirting with dan as susankun. they had a segment in tatinof where they read part of a fic! they created two fics of their own, plus a comic strip thing, for their book. honey, not only do they appreciate the writing, they ENCOURAGE it !

you cannot take an opinion of theirs from like five years ago and use that as evidence. imagine if someone took something you said five years ago to prove something. for example, five years ago i thought that ‘gay’ was a horrible thing to be. nowadays i have a lot of wonderful people who like others of the same gender (and might myself, idk yet). that was a rather strong but .. people can change !! dan and phils opinions of the phandom have exceedingly altered. 

plus the vidcon thing ??? here are some examples of dnp expressing how much they care ab each other even though they know this is only gonna make the wee phan canoe turn into a frickin luxury cruise:

“i am phil trash #1″

“can phil express an opinion?” 

sitting in the corner of a youtube party by themselves even tho they see each other twenty four seven

the most theyve been apart since 2010 is two weeks :/

“phil is truly underrated”

“i feel special” “you are”

they actually danced at the brits boi

“i did not have a best friend for the first eighteen years of my life”

“your personality is too adorable for it”

the entirety of the boncas “someone i spent the majority of 2016 with”

dan made phil feed him in the baking video

see !!! and these sorts of things have only increased as time passes. dan and phil do not mind the shipping boi ! they know that the chemistry between them (platonic or romantic) is very unique and interesting, one of the reasons why the phandom is so large. the entanglement between their lives is, relating back to the original point of your asks: fic writing, it just WORKS WELL as a story !!! i am not saying u have to ship phan, i dont give a crap whether u do, but u have to at least appreciate what talent is in our lovely creators within the fanbase. thanks, have a Good Afternoon.