#also im tense abt the tenses bc i dont know her

[kroosluvr]

hi!! as a fellow royal trio-truther ive been ADORING and loving your posts so much <3 you mentioned that you've like mentally re-wired shusumi so i was curious if you had a list of head-canons for how they develop in the game/post-game!! Im super curious to hear (: also any head-canons for the akesumi dynamic would be great bc I hate how little the game developed them together !!!

OMGGGGGGGGG HAYYYYYYYYYY ok so. first. look at this (idr if i posted this here already but if i did look again heh..)

ok now ill actually talk under the cut

note that some of this is headcanon territory bc i just be frolicking at this point

some backstory i fell in love w sumi as soon as her art was revealed i was like omfg peak design PEAKKKKKK i love her so much so i was really excited abt her but i feel like there were so many loose ends w her confidant and namely her crush on protag sometimes doing her a disservice (it turned ppl off from her (understandable bc i also dislike when writers make a female character out to be dependent on a male character) but also made other ppl weird abt her in the same breath....... shivers. people who overly-romanticize/sexualize mentally ill characters (especially girls/women) freak me out sorry

anyway that put me off frm p5 fandom for a hot minute. BUT regardless. i think people often focus on like "shy cute sadgirl kouhai crush-on-protag" for her which on top of atlus's.......mediocre handling of her also does her character a disservice... shes so multilayered!! she houses such insane convoluted levels of distress and fear and anger and reluctance and most of all STUBBORNNESS. i think her headstrong personality is not really emphasized in fandom but i can totally see it (maybe its just me but).

ok moving on to my shsm delusions i think to turn sumire's canon crush on its head i want to make them doomed to never get together. i think 3rd semester is so tense and high-emotion that royal trio are so deeply intertwined w each other:

like they all are mildly-to-a-lot suicidal so they hold onto each other so tightly to make sure none of them spirals and does anything bad. i think in the end they just want the other two to be Okay, even if they themself doesn't. if the other two are ok, then it's all good.

ok back to shsm LMAO i think seeing their relationship as like an odd high-emotion situation makes sense. they love each other, obviously, and provide each other comfort, but the idea of a relationship slips thru their fingers like water. is that right...? is that how it is? like i said up there they just crumble under the weight of their own love. tldr theyre in no place to "date" each other........ but they have their "almost." they're inseparable, they love spending time with each other, but knowing in the back of their heads that it won't last, and they'll have to leave it be one day. "sometimes when i really love someone i leave them alone forever." peak shsm to me. "let's run away together - but what if it's not enough? what if all of this fear and sadness still stays? i take a man down to the river and he throws away his sadness but hes still left with his hands, he's still left with the river (paraphrased richard siken). peak shsm to me. i think they try to treat eachother so softly and gently that it fucks it all up, actually. peak shsm to me. it's not codependency in the sense that theyre not trying to save each other - they're just trying to salvage out some love from it all. all of these terrible things that happened: there's still love, right? there's still love. but the pain can't all be sifted out, and everything still hurts. but they still love. (they just don't date or even talk to each other much after graduating and i think they talk to akechi but to each other its suddenly COMPLICATED. i hate these guys)

ironically i think if you throw akechi in the mix it stabilizes out and i think shuakesumi could totally have a happy married ending. but shsm as a pair i dont see endgame for them. peak for me is that theyre in love and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget each other (they don't)

(If this sounds ridiculous and stupid im sorry. i just like shoving too-many-emotions onto my favs sometimes (a lot of the time))

IN REGARDS TO AKESUMI i think my latest 2 comics describe how i feel abt them pretty well!!! link 1 and link 2. actually i think akesumi's friendship is a great way for me to explore how i see/portray/feel about sumire, because i see them as way more similar than the game pays attention to. they're both stuck in their ways: sumire in her cowardice, hiding from the incident and refusing to move on, and akechi entrenched in his own traumas and feeling like he doesn't deserve more than that. their self-hatred manifests in two opposite ways but its very similar at the core. they both like. have no fucking clue what they're doing in terms of handling their pasts so that's why i think them working together to get around their own respective traumas is so fascinating: akechi is terrible at it, pushing sumire too far, but at the same time that perspective is something that she needs. meanwhile, her sensitive and observant personality shows akechi that like, you can have This too: a soft, good love. to have someone care about you unconditionally, so gently. you deserve that, too. yeah i can explode my head off now

i did not proofread this.

[batsylikeme]

so here’s my silly little rant/opinions on the new doctor who season

if what i say pisses you off just keep scrolling mary i don’t have the energy to deal with negativity rn

so firstly i don't wanna talk abt how the new doctor regenerated okay that made absolutely no sense to me. idk why even 10 came back as well like ig donna's story was left "untold" ….but so is every other companion’s?

and idk how they split??? i really don't understand how they can do that but it’s aliens so whatever.

im also not gonna go into the christmas episode or the baby episode i...dont wanna relive that.

so!! i love the doctor i think he’s so fun and hip and his style is amazing.

personally i think the fact that he doesn’t have a set outfit is bc he’s trying to figure out who he is, which is always so exciting as the viewer going on this journey with him.

and ruby is awesome as hell!! low key fuck you writers for not making her a lesbian ( i mean she has the eyebrow slit and everything you should be ashamed).

also cool background story i love that she's interesting and a mystery. plus when villains are like "who...are you" that's always so dope.

i think that the "family" of the different "gods" is really cheesy but GOD i loved jinx they did so fucking amazing their performance was everything. i want them to act in every show ever honestly.

with that being said.. that episode specifically wasn’t my favorite, it was a cool concept but idgaf abt the beetles so 😭

and in that episode when the doctor ran away and hid?? that was new to the doctor that we know and i was like “yeah let’s go we’re gonna watch his character develop!”

so you would think it would build up to some sort of solution bc the doctor is tryna figure out who he is and that's gnarly love it

….then they DIDNT?

they didn't do anything with that?!?? at least that i was able to notice?

okay but after the jinx episode the rest of the episodes were actually fierce!

the landmine one had some really cool dialogue moments especially with the bickering like love i'm obsessed. ruby was also really cool and i love how much she cares about the doctor and how she wasn’t scared. i think that says a lot about her character. not to mention i think having her so in awe of the planets was a really good choice bc that reaction is so human and i love it.

buttttt the other characters were like mad infuriating which may have been the point? and throughout the episode it was so tense and nerve racking but the end was so anticlimactic. i loved the idea, and i loved that the dad was able to save the day (even tho i wanted the doctor to save the day but whatever) but i wanted MORE. i wanted the doctor and ruby to go into town, or to see the government and face them and call them out on the war! the fact that it was in one area the entire episode was just not it, me no likey.

the ruby centered episode was AWESOME.

that one was so unsettling (in a good way) and it was sooooo cool to see her like basically save the world and then she dies but BOOM they're back when the episode first started. i loved it, so peak doctor who timey wimey stuff

even tho i'm still a little confused as to if the lady was ruby? but whatever i still really enjoyed it i honestly have no cons on this episode it displayed what kind of person she is perfectly.

next, the bridgerton episode was fun! love the gayness they even kissed and they flirted it was so fierce. and ugh ruby’s character just keeps getting better and better honestly shes so fun and it’s so easy to root for her.

…but… the dialogue wasn’t good in this episode….at all. especially having the aliens say the word ‘cosplay’ took me out of the fantasy completely

also side note but not really-

what always impressed me growing up watching doctor who was that even back in 2005 the alien makeup was always so FIERCE like cunty boots down house houston bc it's makeup centric!

it also allows talented people to show off their skills and add really personal features to the actors who are playing the aliens. but nowadays they rely on the cgi so much that it just doesn’t seem believable and honestly it doesn't look good anymore. like mentioned before with makeup you can use the actor’s features to your advantage which creates the perfect illusion.

makeup + a LITTLE bit of cgi is the way to go and i don't get a fuck if it's more expensive ur a fucking successful ass company you have the money now USE IT

the episode itself was good until the very end when rouge sacrificed himself and then the doctor was like "i move on that's what happens" like bruh

by having him say that, it honestly makes you think that all of the losses the doctor has endured is just moments of his past, and that he’s moved on

like no i want the doctor to be angry, to be motivated!!

and that's what i think this doctor lacked.

there was no motivation or drive for him, which is so fucking stupid bc the actor is amazing.

the episode that ended with the doctor experiencing racism for the first time…you can tell that the actor put his whole heart and soul into his performance (especially the scream). he was unleashing a whole new part of his doctor and it was absolutely perfect.

so why not use that to give the doctor more motivation, more anger? seeing the doctor not being able to move on, to be selfish at times bc that makes him feel human. which would make sense BC!! he has spent so much times with humans and earth is important to him.

moving on; one of the biggest things that made this season an issue was that they cried every. single. episode.

when you only get something every once and a while it makes that thing so much more precious. the doctor only cries like once a season, and when he does it's like actually thrilling bc you don't get that side of him a lot.

and usually it's with a lot of anger bc the doctor is angry!! we've been through how many seasons of the doctor suffering?? i mean the man literally blew up his own planet. he's been thru the ringer.

there are so many episodes of the doctor not having the best morals, of him letting the villain die bc of his own selfish intentions. he's not supposed to be a hero, and i think that’s also what makes the doctor so compelling.

another con was the dialogue. one of my biggest tv / movie turn offs is when they say what they’re doing. and not in the super impressive like monologue way but in the simple way of being like "i'm cooking" like mary yeah i see you doing that??

and this season used that a lot. and again NOT in the cool monologue saving the day way speaking of that, no cool monologues? none? nada?

the best part of doctor who is when the doctor goes against all odds and saves the day with that sexy smirk and has the coolest monologue with the kick ass music in the back and during it gives you goosebumps! it also allowed the actor to put forth a lot of emotion into their performance and allowed them to build who their doctor is.

despite all of that, i did really enjoy the episode with ruby growing old and the racism episode. the fact that they didn’t have to say it was perfect and i think was a really good choice bc it was a surprise factor, especially with the doctor’s reaction. when they brought in a random character to save the day and him be so unlike the rest of his race and then kill him is always gonna be classic trope, bc my sister and i were GAGGED. perfect, absolutely perfect.

however. the season finale can go fuck itself.

UNIT is so cheesy now, and it feels so unreal and silly which i think is stupid. they’ve had this facility for so long so the fact that it is unserious now is lame. it feels really fake whenever they're trying to be serious and sciency, which is not the way to go when ur a literal army based facility.

anyways back to the season finale-yeah it was cool to have a throwback especially with the fact it was “the one who waits” that was gnarly! however,,, when sutukh whatever his name was literally kills the entire universe…it didn't feel like it??? it happened so quickly it didn't have that shock value it was supposed to and i was actually confused.

i did love the throwback to the ruby episode so it made you feel like it was tying that together which is nice!! give them some recognition yay!!

now let’s talk abt the whole plot with Ruby’s birth mother.

the build up of her real mother i mean it's been every episode when they mentioned it. in the first part where they were in the time window, that was giving me the creeps! i loved that it was scary and confusing and i couldn’t wait to figure it out!

so when the birth mother of ruby, the woman that even the god of death was infatuated with, the woman that the doctor couldn't figure out, the woman that was stuck in some sort of time thingy…………..is just a regular woman? its just some teenager who got knocked up and gave away her kid? that's it?

i've been getting edged this entire fucking season just for this?

if you enjoyed that it was a regular person i get it! it’s a throwback to whenever the doctor made his speech about how no one is ever just unimportant, which i do love and appreciate.

the whole reason she's important is bc the unknown is the most powerful thing which honestly i agree. my biggest fears are always the unknown. so yes absolutely i get it….but….are you...are you kidding me?

and then ruby leaves? ruby is done traveling with the doctor? i just. ugh.

there was so much potential and i’m just so empty now.

yes it had its cool moments, but im honestly so heartbroken and disappointed with how it turned out like, some bitch on tumblr could have written this season better than this.

i really really really hope the next season is better, at this point it’s just the writing. so get it together writers!! Ncuti is a phenomenal actor he is so fun and his range is so raw and captivating. not to mention Ruby! i’m really sad she’s leaving so soon, she was really fun and complimented the doctor well.

i can’t wait to see what’s next, and honestly no matter what i’m gonna watch doctor who bc it’s so special to me <3

[campfam4lyfe]

So good to meet another Brookji/Kenlynn fan! What do you think that will happen between them in JWCT season 2 (or later seasons)?

YESSS ANOTHER BROOKENJI!!!!!

okay so, honestly, i have like. zero clue. of what i think will actually happen, because there could be so many different roads for them to take. i know what i want though, and that is a kenlynn endgame. i understand why they broke up, i do. but to see their faces as it happened. the devastation--neither of them wanted it. but kenji had to do it, and i dont blame him.

but guys! brooklynn loves the camp fam--she keeps their picture up on her mystery board. she kept it as her lockscreen. she loves them. i also have to say, that brooklynn loves kenji. as a boyfriend, as a lover--as her person. darius says she was real broken up about the breakup, and she clearly had regrets. she told darius about how and where it happened. she kept that video with the "brokwie bear" and "kenji wenji." she has that video because she couldn't help but film him bc she thought he was being cute. it was one of the first things they saw when they decided to look through her phone! she loves him!

and kenji loves her--his grief over her death, his anger at the people he suspected of being involved in her death--the constant "where were you's" to darius--he needed to know why he wasnt there. that bit where he says "be honest with me. if you loved brooklynn, and mean, really loved her, why werent you there?" broke me, absolutely, cause goddamn ouch. like. he loves her, so he couldnt imagine not showing up if she called him. to the extent where he needs to know why darius wasnt and its like. does he, somehow, blame himself a lot? is that a veiled, *i* could have been there, why didnt she want me there?? devastating stuff.

but. thats all s1 stuff. youre asking about season 2 and onwards! so. what i think will happen--okay, so, you remember how in the end of s1 cc they showed ben was alive? and then we got a ben&bumpy episode that spanned the near-month he was alone. im wondering if they'll do that with brooklynn at some point. truly, i dont know. its possible, but maybe there going to reveal it in pieces, like flashbacks.

i want to know how brooklynn survived. the extent of her realtionship with ronnie, and about all the stuff she'd uncovered abt the dino smugglers since she started till now.

but also, i want a reunion so so bad, and since CT was handling everything else so well, i think theyll do a reunion justice too. and that means i think they will give some of the characters space to be angry. obviously i think there will be relief--who wouldnt be, to find out your friend is alive? but then i think there might also be betrayal, or anger or both.

and maybe also a little horror. brooklynn lost her HAND. and those moments leading up to it must have been terrifying.

i want the fact that she has lost a hand to be addressed. for instance, she can't drive her motorcycle anymore, at least not without a proper prosthesis. and its clearly something she liked doing--her helmets! one for her and one for kenji. just. AHHHHHH you know???

i want kenji to be wooed, let brooklynn woo kenji CT writers, let them woo each other.

i realize i keep meandering and never properly answering your question. im so sorry! okay--i think things will be tense, probably, with relief mixed in, but also a lot of hurt, and some anger. i think brooklynn will have her reasons, its a matter of whether or not the camp fam can accept those reasons or not, after all, we cannot force anyone to accept our apologies. i think they will however, though it may be at different stages for different characters. i think kenlynn will be able to reconcile, and im hoping for a "i knew youd come around/dont ruin it" call back. (my biggest hope is for that ghost line callback tho) but i also think brooklynn will have to show kenji that she does value his time and being with him, and just, him. which, i think its clear she does, but she got a little too consumed with her mystery for a hot sec.

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

TBB S2 EP 9 Thoughts!

quick heads up, I'm switching from using a cut and tags as a spoiler warning to just tags. if you don't wanna be spoiled on this blog, please block the tags tbb s2, tbb s2 spoilers, tbb spoilers!

OKAY WAAAAA THIS EP KILLED ME!!! here's the thoughts!!!

Omega missing Echo i'm-

dont talk to me im crying

srsly I watched this ep at the airport (maybe I should've allowed some slight spoilers on this one) and I almost cried in public bc WAAAAA feels

loved seeing Hunters heightened senses in action and also the others trusting them without question

yanno I always assumed Wrecker carries the heavy stuff bc the others physically can't, but Tech just went "fine." and swung that thing over his shoulder like a bag pack wtf

Yanno the guys might not mention it, but the way they're all super tense and keep bickering? yeah, they miss Echo too. And Cross. Confirmed. I'm not taking criticism at this time, thank you.

I'm surprised Tech was initially sounding so apathetic, but.... the "What's your issue?" comment felt..... okay wait, lemme backtrack

my dad has autism and he would often speak to me like that, not realising how hurtful it sounds. He'd also defend himself the same way Tech did in the ep ("I was only telling the truth", "that's just what the situation is, we have to deal with it regardless of how we feel abt it"). So when Tech talked to her like that? dang man, that hit home hard

obv I don't blame him for that! that's just how his brain works, it's not his fault!

but I love that they went there, yanno? they addressed the communication issue between Tech and Omega.

She now understands him a little more and he understands her a bit better

YEY FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!

The way Tech just,,, jumped in after Omega

Like he left behind his helmet, his datapad, the mineral, all of it

hell he didn't even know if he was jumping to his death or not! he didn't know there'd be a river there!!

Tech for the win, that's all I'm saying

[sleepy-vix]

ok guys i finished the poppy war wtf. i feel so hollow right now. i feel so... unsatisfied by the ending but not necessary in a bad way??? i have to read the other books and see what happens but at the same time it feels so hopeless and i dont approve of rin as a main character anymore (tho i am aware that it doesnt matter whether i "approve" of her or not) but i will still definitely read the other books bc i loved the book overall. i just think that the storyline rn is very... surreal?

also,

(spoilers below)

i NEED TO KNOW what the fuck happened to nezha bc i just know that rf kuang has smtg cooking for him. my personal theory is that he didnt die from the gas bc he secretly is connected to the god of healing (hence why his spine healed so fast and enki speculated abt his dragon insigna) and so hes alive and maybe imprisoned? maybe he was sent to a science lab to, or he somehow ran away, or he pretended to join forces?? idrk but im sure that hes alive and its got to do with his dragon insignia

im so sad that everybody from sineguard died/isnt in the story anymore (other than kitayyyyyy thank god. im so glad he reappeared) bc i tbh dont feel much of an attachment toward the cike members 😭 like idk i love Qara and Chaghan but the others are eh to me, like i would trade their presence for Irjah's or Raban or Niang or EVEN JUN 😭 tho im just being sentimental, i dont actually mean it. (tho i would like to see a jun reappearance and redemption...)

oh btw i think i rate this a 4/5 star read

my criticisms are as such:

- the middle part where they kept losing was very dreary (tho i imagine kuang was trying to make it seem desperate/devastating and tense, it was just droll to read tbh).

- the sudden reconciliation between nezha and rin felt very unnatural (like i understand the feeling of "who cares abt our petty rivalry when theres literally a whole ass war happening?" but then again, this is just fiction and it wouldve been nice to read their familiar banter- or at least have it dragged out a bit before the reconciliation). i feel like it was just very unnatural, unless.... unless nezha fell in love with Rin when she erupted into flames at sineguard???? if THAT happened then i feel like the reconciliation would make alot more sense bc when nezha came to khurdalain it was like he was desperate to make Rin like him/forgive him ???

- a few things were pretty predictable. it was pretty obvious that Jiang was the gatekeeper, which was disappointing because if that was a little less obvious, i feel like the scene were Rin and Altam discover Jiang in the Stone Mountain would've had a bigger emotional impact on the reader (me)

though here are the things i liked:

- Rin at the first half of the book was the best mc everrrr

- Kitay. i have nothing wrong with Kitay. he's my favourite for sure

- Jiang's style of teaching (i loved how they just conversed and would come to nonsensical philosphical questions that made Rin frustrated but made Jiang delighted. eg "Why do people dream what they dream?")

- the way Kuang described the god realm vs the human realm. it was all very believable and assured. it wasn't vague at all, in my opinion. theres ofc alot of questions abt the different planes still, but the genius of it is that she wrote about it in a way that assured that it was normal to have questions, and even more normal to not get answers for them, and that we should just accept it (idk, thats the vibe i was getting. like, she didnt say "just believe it" as an excuse for lazy writing, she said "just believe it" because, well, just believe it.)

ok yeah thats all i have to say for now :)

if you've read the poppy war, PLEASEEE INTERACT (no spoilers tho pls)

[scoonsalicious]

WE R SO CLOSE TO THE END!! POOKIE IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! DELIVERED AND FED US AS ALWAYS.🩷🩷

I. CANT. WAIT. FOR. THE. LIL. ANGST. REVELATION. TOTAL. BITCH. POCKET. AND. BUCKAROO. ON. HIS. KNEES.

Seriously Pocket and Bucky is SO CUTEEE!!🤍🤍🤍 BOTH OF THEM R SMITTEN FOR EACH OTHER😭

*giggling, kicking my feet, crying because in real life i am lonely*

GIVE US MORE FLUFFY SEXY POCKET X BUCKY TIME!!🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻

Now let us discuss about cunthage. Pookie already hinted that she’s going after out beloved nerd and as i said before WE SHALL MANIFEST FOR TOTAL BITCH POCKET.

MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET

Jeremiah saying she’s gunna die bcs if she didn’t take Winter Soldier back to HYDRA, they’ll unalive her. Also I think what Pocket said is true about cuntsy ‘like/attracted’ to Buckdoodle (I mean… who wouldn’t?😂) Somehow along the way, she connected with him, caught feelings and shit and ‘fantasising’ a relationship with him cus she’s that much of a cunt. The reason why she didn’t take him to HYDRA (*cough* during the Russia mission — man even I hate remembering/simply writing the Russia mission) is bcs he’s Bucky Barnes at the time and NOT the Soldat. And oh, also she’s enjoying the *cough* fuck ‘activity’. Fucking John IS OBSESSED.

Anywho……

IM JUST GOING TO STOP CRITICAL THINKING ABT WHAT HAPPENED IN RUSSIA AND WAIT FOR MOTHER POOKIE TO DELIVER THE FOOD AND I SHALL EAT IT WITH SUCH FEROCITY.

I want to know why it happened. Why Bucky made that choice (bcs i feel like the reason are still a bit unclear — like why do it again🤨 what is the purpose). I want a full depth of it. If I were Pocket, I *want* to see what happened (even if it killed me — better bleach my eyes). Oh and ofc, im not just gunna roast Jeremy… im roasting Buckwheat too before i forgive him.

*real footage of Pocket transitioningto a total bitch Pocket after the revelation*

Btw i read someone said Steve’s role? He has a role?!Let’s kill him. HE NEEDS TO BEGONE. GET OUT OF OUR LIFE. Steve and Jeremiah would be a great couple. (sarcasm intended). WHY STEVE? WHY CANT U JUST DUCK OFF. DONT TELL ME STEVE IS THE ONE WHO MADE THAT ‘NEWS’ (him and pocket false relation). OR THE ONE WHO LET CUNTHAGE TO GO TO THE RUSSIA MISSION. DONT FUCK W ME STEVE IM WARNING YOU. BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Also, I JUST remembered that Nat said Steve didn’t want Bucky to replace Dark Chocolate. I tell ya, HE’S FISHY. HE MUST HAVE A HIDDEN PLAN. HE DIDNT WANT BUCKY TO MEET POCKET, NOT BCS HE CARES FOR POCKET (okay, maybe he cares a little — bcs duh he *cough* loves likes her) but still he has his own agenda). HES PLANNING TO ‘CHARM’ POCKET. NAH. BACK OFF!!

Oh and rewinding back to chapter 26, that’s love right there. Pocket reassuring Bucky even when she didn’t trust him anymore, and Bucky ‘rejecting’ — pulling himself away — bcs it’ll kill him if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. BTW THE KISS?!😫😫😫 *squealing like a child*. The way Bucky became owigoowie (man idk if this is even a word) when he said ‘present tense’. (🥹 — this is literally his facial expression at the time)

Alrighty, as usual, mother pookie, i love you and i wanna kiss you just like how Bucky kiss the life out of Pocket🩷🩷🩷 I didn’t say this much but thank u for everything. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for replying. I know I type a lot bcs I want to really express how im feeling, but it sometime is restricted/limited bcs im not a native english speaker😂 so my thoughts aren’t conveyed fully/correctly. (Also bcs i am just that dramatic and a yapper)

Please, take a great rest while you can. Hope you always in the pink. Again, I cant wait for the lil angsty, bitchy Pocket and revelation in chp 27. I am eagerly waiting for the showdown (*cough*, please, let there be a scene of Bucky punching Jonah and Stevuck). Thy meowsies love thou, mother pookie🫵🏻

PS// I KNOW I SAID I RUN OUT OF CAT SMOOCH GIFS BUT I CANT HELP MYSELF AND SEARCH FOR IT. THIS IS FROM GOOGLE😭

Since you gave me a photo of Elliot and Theo, I presented to you my unhinged (literally) cats, fat one is Hyde (Haida) and smaller one is Muezza (Moja).

OH! Out of topic…

RAGHHHH MALAYSIA MENTIONEDDDDD!!!🫵🏻🇲🇾🇲🇾🇲🇾KKAW KKAW

>>>and if there is a typo im sorry😂

Pookie, if you thought I fed you yesterday, I will GOURGE YOU TODAY! Eight mother fucking parts! Fuck. All the revelations in this chapter (well, most of them, anyway, lol).

Bucky and Pocket are just unable to not be together. It goes against their very DNA.

I have eleven fluff/smut post-series oneshots planned for the two of them, so we shall have happy times once the story is done. I can't quit them. They are my OTP (sorry, Buffy & Spike :( ).

Total Bitch Pocket has been unleased for Chapter 27! The snark is strong, and she is not afraid to unleash it, even if it has some negative consequences for her. She is using her greatest weapon at her disposal-- her dirty mouth, lol.

Jacoby is TOTALLY OBSESSED with Bucky-- it doesn't even matter what Hydra wants with him now. She wants him, and that's her prime objective. You will now be able to see what happened in Russia (Pocket, too!) and what happened to get him into that position. Ugh, I want to write so much more to you, but I am so dehydrated from this fucking migraine that my entire body hurts, so I can't type a lot without pain. Just know I love you, I love reading your comments. Your kittens are adorable and I want to give the squeezies.

xoxo You're the best!

[just-a-little-silly]

also wanted to take a moment to answer some questions from @eye-cri againn quite honestly reading these made me so happy^^

ughrgh kajal my girl🩵

(note: this is quite a long post so yk just fyi^^)

yes indeed the skirt was a nightmare to render but was it worth it? absolutely. and yeee the earrings are such an important part of her design (shes hardly ever seen w/ out them :>>) and yes, they do ring!! (trust zeus teases her for it when they’re initially meeting) the glove is actually tied to her story, she uses it to cover a symbol on her hand linked to her powers (ill go into detail about that in a bit). also kajal is of fae descent, (hence the pointed ears, i think i also meant to add a tail to her design but we’ll see abt that). as for how she got in to the academy, she just applied to the academy for fun (fae court stuff bored her- i have so much fae lore for this universe i.) and got accepted into the night class- she wanted to get away from home for a bit and thought some fancy boarding school/ academy in gedonelune would be interesting (i honestly forgot how getting into the academy works and haven’t gone back to check in a while so. i hope that works TT). she’s close friends with caesar, leslie and hiro. (i personally like that hiro and kajal both have special unique skills- ill touch on it later.)

ALSO YES. ZEUS. KAJAL. ZEJAL. IM. THEY- 💕🥺🩵✨❤️ zeus nationnnnn YES. hes just so🥺🩵🩵.

i truly cannot put into words how much they mean to me. zeus as a character is just so so wonderful and i. cannot. describe. how much i love him :>> anyways zejal (the ship name :PP) has been my precious lil thing for YEARS now im. (i’ll try to keep this brief so i dont go on forever)- zeus and kajal are very much rivals to lovers. they start out as classmates and spend most of their first year trying to one up one another. they do eventually start to begrudgingly respect one another and before he knows it, zeus is whipped for her. she too forms her own budding crush but isn’t really sure what to do about it because she doesn’t think zeus would ever feel the same way sooo she bottles it down and ignores it- subsequently (and perhaps inadvertently) ignoring him too. he doesn’t take that too well and it stays pretty tense between them for a bit until everything boils over and zeus ends up confessing followed almost immediately by kajal. thats just a ridiculously brief summary lmaoo- theres a lot to their story TT.

as for styling her uniform, i think she keeps it pretty simple just a regular night class uniform- she will however sometimes be spotted with a large floofy orange scarf (she borrows zeus’s- she likes how soft it is and he honestly loves to see her wear it)

the type of magic she specializes in are ancient curses and incantations. girl has LOADS of ancient grimoires she could spend hours translating and decoding the spells described in them. In fact she ends up using her knowledge of ancient magic to formulate her own unique spell (a concept i might have borrowed from twst in all honesty). she calls it, “evil eye” and its basically a magic circle w/ an evil eye design in the middle - it defends her from malicious intent however, considering that shes supposed to be rather powerful i took it a step further and made it so that using it, kajal can temporarily shut down people’s magic if they intend to do her any harm. she has the symbol marked on her right palm so she can activate it faster. (smthn smthn hiro and kajal bonding over having unique abilities- hiro would actually approach her bc she knows a lot about sealing magic away + she tries her best to help him research his own curse and whatnot) i also just love how both she and zeus work with magic circles i. ugh💕.

—> also the thought of her, caesar and leslie having get togethers where they gossip about random things while drinking chai she prepares hasn’t left my mind.

[yuukei-yikes]

hie I've just been sitting here thinking about harutaka fighting I know the whole "I knew i was gonna die and didn't tell you" is prime material for them to fight But I like to think about like Long term how they deal with little inevitable conflicts Bc those are gonna happen when you wanna spend your life by someone's side I feel like Haruka's reaction is most often just To immediately apologize He wants to fix things He doesn't want anyone to be upset So he slaps a bandaid over it! Takane however Needs to experience her feelings even if they suck She needs to get mad She needs to get sad (and try to cover up that sadness with angry outburts) I think there's times Haruka apologizes to try and soothe a conflict and she gets upset because it's really not his fault and she wishes he'd get mad instead! I think eventually they kinda learn Takane needs her moment to run through her feelings and just because she's crying screaming punching a pillow doesn't mean it's personal And Haruka needs to learn that sometimes it's okay if things feel bad for a bit, it's better to talk things through than to bury them under panicked pacification. A tense afternoon isn't going to undo their pile of happy memories. Honestly I wanna see Haruka try to get mad about something. Restaurant got his order wrong or something. And Takane's just there like yeah!! Tell them!!! And he immediately deflates when he has their attention (also if this characterization is a little off I apologize!! I hadn't touched kagepro in a while and have just recently gotten sucked back into the hyperfixation but haven't freshly gone through all the material yet. I'm slowly making my way through it again I just really enjoy your blog asjshffj)

YEAH EXACTLY U GET IT SO WELL especially with takane wishing haruka would get mad. they run through emotions differently, takane gets mad/explodes because she cares about something so much, so haruka not matching her energy when she gets like that makes her feel like he doesn't care.

i think that could be a good way for them to learn how things work, like if takane told him its like you dont even care and haruka had the chance to say OF COURSE he cares. how could he not???!!!

so when she's blowing up about something admittedly silly and haruka isnt telling her Hey that's silly and instead he's like ok❤️sorry❤️dont be mad❤️ that makes her madder. but haruka is also capable of getting angry yknow (NOVEL 6 KANO MOMENT) (Still so funny kano is the 1 character that managed to make haruka angry) but i have a hard time seeing him angry At takane. maybe he could call her immature or something lol....

i think he could ask her to stop being such a tease??? haruka's too spineless to ask her to stop teasing him (over the dimension lost days I moment) but by post str i dont think this would be a problem. maybe he could manage to ask and takane would be like AWWWW IM JUST GOOFING cuz from his pov in lost days it REALLY seemed like haruka didnt realise takane was fucking with him. personally i didnt notice in my first read. once i read it again i noticed takane is described to have a mischievous smile and stuff and that just changed the whole context. it was haruka moaning and crying abt having an art block and takane being like girl ur being pathetic and she was right🙏

i mostly have a hard time imagining What theyd fight about. i think they could have arguments but it'd have to be something punctual for that to take place. i dont think couples just Have to argue to work out at all. that bit u said abt "thats gonna happen when u wanna spend ur life with someone" LIKE yeah there are disagreements and all but nothing that could cause An Argument of that nature yknow.

that's why haruka not telling takane abt his condition is like the best potential for it, otherwise more domestic stuff is like. haruka wanting the lights on while playing a horror game and takane wanting them off. thats like the most heated dispute they can have bc theyre both very serious about their stances💔(haruka is scared. takane wants the full horror game experience🙄)

[domjaehyun]

HEHE YOU KNOWING MY VIBES🫶🏼omg us getting the behind the scenes of your writing shenanigans!! that's a crazy story ngl you're so committed to your craft, I forget how many trials and tribulations writers have to go through when dealing w technology. BACK TO SCHOOL HOW EXCITING!!! I've always loved psychology too, gimme a good "here's why we like what we like book" and I'm losing my mind. There's one it's called "survival of the prettiest" that's a psychology book about basically why we're naturally attracted to certain things/looks. You might like it it's very insightful!! Anyway I know EXACTLY what you mean by the dubcon/noncon being from the standpoint of making something enjoyable, that's like one of the most popular jav genres (like a pleasure parlor vibe). Cuz you know youre watching an actor consentually play into the push n pull but ultimately enjoy herself. Like its the men out here watching the stepsis/nanny crap while were like yea make her finish AGAIN on that massage table🥳 so real for turning it off when it becomes about the dudes pleasure, im a bit like no good for you i just dc LOL also I would give myself a name but I struggle with crippling anxiety when it comes to the online spaces (took me 3 years to ever send an ask lmaoo) so working through it by being anonymous for now... I did add a lil 🎀 so you knew twas me :)

omg this got buried actually im so sorry OKAY HERE WE GO

i do know your vibes!!!!! you have a certain writing style that just like. is pretty distinct to me!!! NO FR THAT WAS SUCH A HARD TIME. I WAS STRUGGLING SO BAD :( BUT IT'S OKAY NOW :D omg wait thats fascinating i absolutely will be looking that up ... i love that :3

RIGHT LIKE THE ACTING IS PRETTY GOOD MOST OF THE TIME (well. i only enjoy videos w good acting like . in terms of resisting) SO I CAN GET IMMERSED WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY LIKE ...as if i was actually witnessing smth heinous yknow?

im abt to say smth that is possibly so strange but . UNPOPULAR OPINION....POSSIBLY.......... i hate when they use oil or like . lube in any way where the people look like shiny and greased up LIKE IN THE MASSAGE VIDEOS I HATE WHEN THEY'RE COVERED IN OIL IT ICKS ME OUT SO BAD i think bc in my mind im like that looks so deeply uncomfy like youre slipping and sliding.... fine hairs and dust are sticking to your exposed, sticky-ish skin............... i'd just faint personally AND ALSO. THAT USUALLY MEANS THERE'S NOT AS MUCH MOUTH ACTION AS I WANNA SEE YKNOW?? if someone is slathered head to literal toe in baby oil or smth..... ur not abt to lick a stripe up their stomach unless you wanna taste baby oil...................... you feel me?

yeah im having a lot of revelations recently when it comes to men and they are fascinating to say the least. like label wise i dont think i've changed im still bi ... bc im still attracted to men....... but the real revelation.... the real kicker.... is i don't like penetration........................ like in any capacity i dont like fingers, i dont like dicks, i dont like toys— i dont like ANYTHING going inside!!!!!! we're closed for business!!!! my friend thinks its a mental block bc i'm nervous and that's why it just doesn't do anything for me and i hope that's it bc i very much would like to enjoy it at some point, yknow?

oh come to think of it it's def mental for me bc one time i was w this guy and he was having a hard time like . entering me LMAO he was big firstly so i was NERVOUS I DIDNT WANT IT TO HURT so i was like completely tensed and he was like "baby you have to let me in" and i was like oh.. didnt know i was stopping you.. turns out i was clenching myself closed DJLFGSKDKL I DID THAT AT THE GYNO ONCE TOO AND SHE WAS LIKE UNTIL YOU RELAX I CANT EXAMINE YOU.... like sorry girlypop yo tengo miedo :/

anyway sorry for rambling hehe but OMG RLY :') WELL IM HAPPY YOU'RE DOING IT FINALLY :D I ENJOY YOUR MESSAGES :D and jsyk there wouldnt be pressure to like . message constantly i wouldnt put any pressure at all! it wouldve just been a lil way to let me know who i'm talking to if i can't immediately tell :P but no worries!! totally up to you 💖 if you want a name at any point just let me know :D

HAVE A GREAT DAY LOVELY!!!

[fappellmoan]

16, 23, 25

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc.)

this'll quickly get into petty territory ok let's see. well so i think in general the cookie cutter fandom trope tendencies suck absolute ass and take all the fun out of actually playing with character dynamics and like. analyzing them idk!!! like it's BORING not everyone fits into. golden retriever/black cat dumb/smart fucking. idk you get it. you're taking away what's compelling and unique abt individual people and stories and writing. i think people did that to robin and nancy a bit and it made me want to scream and turned me away from the fandom quicker cause they were the last part of s4 i found myself caring abt. and let me just say this. it's like people are so goddamn annoying in general about gay ships and i wont pretend like ppl are just cool and great about gay male ships but like. at least SO many people get into them that you're bound to get some actually interesting content. it's fucking bleak out here for the lesbians when people just immediately try to slot them into top/bottom etc dynamics. and don't engage with them as separate characters at all. defining women by their relationships except theyre both women(ish) so you're just making them uninteresting overall. sorry ik it's not that serious esp when the majority of the fans of lesbian ships are queer girls. anyway then they dont even engage with het relationships or the people that do are ppl are like. genuinely cishet and i'd not... interact w them on here idk lol. also i ended up getting pissy about bi steve bc ppl were so anti nancy being anything but hyperheterosexual when to ME, formerly dykenance, she had the markings of a lesbian. she had a very clearly sorta close tense jealous etc friendship and she gets NONE of the love. idc actually abt bi steve like it's fine wider fandom just pissed me off. we all know this.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

ummm i dont think i've been super anti anything personally let me think. ummmm. idk why i can only think of st this is absurd i dont even engage with that much anymore. like i guess jonathan and steve i used to not care about but now im like yeah sure kings. why not. oh also faberry lol. cause rachel used to annoy me too much but now im like well in her own committed dream annoying teen girl way she was kinda hilarious... and i think they were in weird lesbian love and that was lost along the way but in my heart they rekindled after high school maybe. at some point. like quinn came to one of her big shows... idc

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i think b*lers need to just have fun with their ship and not care about canon that much. like yes yeah gay rep etc whatever but u dont even seem like you're having fun u just want to be right. anyway. GENERALLY it's fucking hilarious to me when people bring up idk media literacy and -coding and etc but it's very evident that they have not ever ever taken a film class in their life or. engaged with media analysis outside of fandom contexts. babes dont try to just use words to sound smart. also again generally stop just advertising or criticizing a show based on Gay Representation. also don't complain about female characters not being well written when u dont engage with them regardless over any possible man that you can. sorry just complaining abt the same shit over and over. ME hi im the problem it's me. jk im not wrong

let me be a haterrrr <3

[writers-ex]

Istg i am so tense today 💀

So yesterday was Friday. Its Saturday morning here rn, btw. And some of my friends werent coming to college due to personal reasons. Now because everyone is usually busy in their work, no one has time to send the notes from the classes, so they told everyone to take the day off. Our Fridays are shorter days btw.

Being the head girl of the college, i tried to stop them cuz it might get us in trouble. But they didnt listen, so everyone was taking the day off. So i also thought that there is no reason to go to the college cuz no ones coming. So no one came, as planned.

EXCEPT ONE GIRL. She advertised the plan of not coming to college to everyone on our insta group, and then she just backed out. We thought that it was ok as long as she didnt tell anyone.

BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENED? We get a message from the teachers, saying that the parents have to tell the reason why everyone except that girl came. We panicked a bit but we all had our excuses. We decided not to message the teacher and just tell our excuses on Monday.

And thats where it all came crashing down. We just got a message, like 5 mins before the time i am writing this, that our whole class except that girl will be heavily penalized because we 'lied to our parents about the day being off' and 'breaking the college discipline code'. Btw we never lied to our parents.

Anyways, we found out that THAT GIRL SNITCHED ON US, SENT OUR CHAT'S SCREENSHOTS TO THE PRINCIPAL, AND GOT OUT OF THE PLAN LIKE SHE WAS NEVER INVOLVED. Mind you, if her parenyts had agreed to let her take the day off, she would never have come to school. And she was so unapologetic too. Like i get that we werent all innocent, but snitching and throwing everyone under the bus is so wrong 😭😭😭

I never liked that girl tbh. She fails her classes, she is not good at any extra curriculars, she is a wannabe teachers pet. And she visits the washroom 10 times a day idk why. Thats suspicious, if you ask me.

Im sorry for this long story, but i just wanted to vent out. Please pray for me and my class 😓

-🦔

this girl sounds horrible so i hope your weekend is better, i am glaring at her from my laptop and patting your back as well >:( rude little troll- please keep me posted bc this sounds…i want to know you are ok plz

side rant that happened with a girl in my class that turned out to be a cousin of mine…she so fricking ditzy giggling and making the teacher answer the most randomest questions in class while they give us lecture like bish wait or write it down BUT NO she keeps going and asking about the test and only paying attention to a lecture if its going to be on a test and not the actual INFORMATION WE NEED TO DO THE JOB LIKE BISH LIFE ISN"T ABT A GRADE????? i care abt my grade and study but like i want to perform the actual job correctly so even if the textbook is old i want to understand the idea and actually perform the task up to the standards NOT WEAR MY HEADPHONES AND LEAVE RANDOMLY FOR ABT AN HOUR OF CLASS ONLY TO BUG THE TEACHER ABT DOING THE LECTURE AGAIN BC YOU "LEFT SOMETHING IN UR CAR" why do you have to leave TEN TIMES A DAY TO UR CAR?????????????????? and then she hugs and hangs out with me like nothing happens and smells dirty like idk ur home life but shower or borrow my perfume please TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT dont even get me started on her cheating and she has the nerve to complain abt her grades being one point less when she cheats??????????? i study and earn my grade honestly PISS OFF but i usually just smile and walk away before i punch the wall <3 bro this wednesday i was cleaning instruments during our BUSIET CLINIC EVER so i had to clean everything for eight hours straight with no help and one classmate lost a tiny screw in the sink when i left to grab some water BC I HAVEN"T DRANK WATER IN LIKE FIVE HOURS?????? so im tired, thirsty, and surviving off some milk i drank in the morning bc we don't get breaks for food either and THIS GIRL HAS THE NERVE TO LAUGH AND HUG ME SAYING THAT SHE WANTS ME TO CLEAN HER ROOM BC SHE NEEDS TO GET SMT IN HER CAR WHILE IM PANCIKING ABT LOOSING THIS SCREW THATS EXPENSIVE AND INSTRUMENTS ARE PILING (and god im so mad rn) and its all a blur after that bc i think i cried or blacked out and kept cleaning ignoring her :') i hate my life bc she thinks we're buddies and i want to slap her

whew rant over….so sorry to sound so violent this girl gets me mad and did also b4 we left class yesterday (it was friday for me) GAH

[timeloop-angel]

Stories that i dreamt:

-Snow spirit who inhabited the body of a snowman was turned into a human by the Goddess of Beauty and is now like. Patron of Children and was also adopted by the royal family of thr country. Also since they were blessed by the Goddess of Beauty they are the Most Beautiful Person in the country and the Goddess accompanies them as a pink fairy.

The royal family of this country isn't based on bloodline, but rather based on individuals who are Children of The Gods (aka blessed by them). There is 9 children every generation and the gods are the greek Olympian gods.

There this blonde + red eyes crown prince who is pretty egocentric and thought that he was the most perfect begin but then saw the protagonist and was like "oh ig im the 2nd best then". Anyways hes friends with the protagonist and is a political ally.

The protagonist doesn't give a shit to politics nor understand it (i guess they're autistic?? Or at least coded as such)

Their personality is very cold, but they're also kind.

-An OI with the loveless contract marriage trope where a young girl was married to a very assholeish guy and Suffered. But instead of the girl turned back into the past or getting possessed, instead the girl performed a ritual to switch the guy's soul with his modern equivalent (who is nicer and good) because she wanted to extract revenge on him and her family without being accused of murder + be able to gain more power and also thru the modern guy POV we learn that the girl was actually more powerful and influential in the household behind the ogGuy backs and the employees are all loyal to her instead of him. Now he helps her, while also having this tense relationship with her since she hates ogGuy while also wanting to go back home. I think at some point she crosses to the modern world. Also i think at the end its reveled that the Modern Guy is actually an butch. So lesbian win!

-So. This is set in modern times. Uhh there this pink haired family, mother father and two children (one guy and one woman) + 4 pets. The children are already adults and the protagonists of the stories. The main pov in the first half is from guy. So. This is a very happy family, but then the Guy goes to sleep thinking about all the moments he regret and how he kinda wishes that have not happened. Then he wakes up to find that he is now in alternate timeline where the stuff didn't happen but also everything is Changed. His parents aren't the same, two of his pets aren't there anymore, his sister cut contact with the family too??? And they are twins and very close so now hes Distraught.

Tbh this dream is very confusing and i dont remember half of it. But basically he wants to go back to his timeline but then he met au!sister halfway through and she was rambling about how she lost him??? She was talking as if he was dead and Gone and at some point it seems like that was the case. That he was the one who left and not her but then the initial scene of him asking au!parents abt stuff and trying to convice them he is from other timeline doesn't make sense. Anyways. There this conflict of him staying in this timeline bc fuck isn't them his family too? And theyre very sad abt him being gone vs fuck i want the family *i* know back and my 2 pets and life too.

Then pov changes and we see au!sis pov and her suffering. And like its gets super confusing bc the timelines are kinda meshing together and it feels like she is aware of the 'og'timeline.

Idk i woke up so idk the resulution.

-this one i had today and uhhh yeah i cant remember msot of it bc i didn't write it doen after waking up :>

But basically. The protagonist is this girl who turned into a vampire? Or some sort of supernatural begin? Maybe she was a hunter before??? But now shes part of this household of horrors. Apparently there is romance between her and this vampire guy who is the leader of the household. There's a blond vampire as well and a purple haired girl who is like a secretary?? Who sort of helps the protagonist. It feels a lot like an OI game sort of thing.

There this romance between her and the vampire leader (who has black hair, red eyes. Cliche ik but at least he looked like a twink and v weak) + the blonde vampire who looked like a paladin and bit her lip and then kissed her???

The plot is abt she getting into the supernatural and learning the mystery of the household.

---

Thats it. I think there was more but i forgot. Anyways if any of you see this stuff being published under a pseudonym: no you didn't.

/j but yeah thats prob me and not some rando plagiarizing my dreams

Hey guys. Funfact. This past week my brain has been making made up stories and ocs in my dreams, non-stop.

I think its telling me to stop my writing hiatus already.

[fraiseblond]

Walking Through A Storm

This is for the anon that made me excited for writing once again!

Tags: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Dan keeps his fears in the shadows, guarded always. But his parents have always managed to bring out the ugly side in him. It’s time to stop running away and brave the inevitable.

Warnings: Homophobia, Anxiety

Word Count: 1.8 k

read on ao3

“I don’t wanna be here and I know you don’t too.” Dan’s pout can be heard in his voice.

“Be nice, c’mon.” Phil is unsurprisingly, ever the optimistic.

They are standing in front of Dan’s parents’ house, bags packed for a day’s visit. The BONCAS win had made Dan’s parents, albeit reluctantly, assent to the career path Dan had chosen. It was a pity that an award had made them give in, but it was better than the strained phone conversations.

“It’s going to be fine, Dan, they’re your parents, they love you and will look out for you.”  Phil pecks his cheek and gives him a small smile.

“Hey! None of this here,” but he can’t help but be more cheery than before.

“Got it, your Highness, my affection has no place in this city for I am a mere plebeian-”

Dan’s laugh is cut off when the door swings open. With the theme of change that has been going, both of his parents are there to welcome him. Dan immediately straightens and sends a nervous stare in Phil’s direction. Some habits do die hard. He is suddenly reminded of the first time he had introduced Phil and the nervous current passes through his body once again.

“Hello Mr and Mrs Howell! It’s so good to see you!” Phil sounds so genuine; it pulls at Dan’s heart strings. He finds himself falling in love with the man he is with over and over between smiles and candid words.

“Hello, mum and dad! Looking good!”

“Oh look at you Daniel, you look so grown up, you too Phil; come on in, can’t let stars standing outside the door for too long.”

‘She manages to sound even more sincere than me, the BONCAS really did something,’ Dan thinks, faking a smile. They step in the house, pulling their individual suitcases that Dan was ridiculously particular about.

Dan’s mum is talking to Phil, probably guiding him to Adrian’s room now that he is off to university. Phil’s face is honest and open as he listens to Dan’s mum. He doesn’t fight the faint smile that creeps up on his face.

“I’m glad that you have gotten past the bad parts of your life.” Dan’s dad stresses on the words bad parts in a way that makes his skin crawl. He begrudgingly swallows the bile and the disgust that threatens to tumble and flashes his teeth to his dad.

“I’m proud of you son!” Words that Dan waited his childhood to hear now sting him as his dad pats him on his back. He hears the words that are not spoken. ‘I’m glad that you are not with a man now, you are no longer an embarrassment’

His chest closes up walking through familiar halls that repressed him, walls that loomed over him trying to snatch away his identity. The house manages to make him feel small again; fear that he grew acquainted with and fought with, returning.

*

He unpacks in his room. Phil is in Adrian’s.  Living in separate rooms is not foreign to them, but existing together should be natural in a homely environment. He thinks about the Lesters’ and their chattering and warm grins, a stark contrast to the coldness of his house.

The mechanical motion of putting his clothes in place is a respite from the negative thoughts. It should be comical really, if it wasn’t so sad; that he now 25 years old, sneaks in his boyfriend to his parents’ house.

“Dan, your mum and I are going out for a while; we’ll be in time for dinner!”

“Okay dad, enjoy!” he shouts.

His parents aren’t even bothering to pretend to entertain them. Classic.

*

“Hey,” Phil’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“Hi” Dan turns to face him. Phil looks tired. He has dark circles under his eye and his old hoodie fits a little too tight on him. He settles on Dan’s bed with his knees bent up trying to look as small as possible. He has his glasses on, a sign of weariness. He has never looked so beautiful, curled up on Dan’s old bed. He doesn’t deserve this.

A wave of anger washes over him.

“I can’t believe them. It’s 2016 and they still behave like this! Is it really so bad that I have a boyfriend. I thought they could change. I thought that accepting me being a youtuber was a sign that they would come around. But boy was I wrong,” he says bitterly.

“All I wanted was approval, ever since I was young. I am proud of you is not difficult to utter. He says those words now, when he thinks I am a straight lad, being just bros with you. Why is it so difficult to just accept goddamn! I’m not even close with Adrian because of avoiding their shit. When will they let me be who I am, when can I stop pretending Phil, when can I stop pretending?” He breaks down on the last sentences.

Phil walks up to him. “You’re too pretty to be crying.”

“Do you like me only for my looks,” Dan jokes.

“Uhmm yes-” Phil smiles and kisses him near his mouth. Dan laughs.

“Now that is what I wanted to see, my… animal cracker”

“Philll-”

Phil kisses him on the mouth, firm and insistent. Phil’s hand is in his hair, tugging lightly. He keeps his hand on Phil’s steady shoulders as Phil licks into his mouth. It’s intoxicating really, Phil’s aftershave is all he can smell, his little noises all he can hear. There is a thrill in kissing someone familiar; he knows the curve of Phil’s lips, his tongue that is licking into his mouth, his teeth that bite his lower lip just the way that makes him mad. He moans, opening his mouth a little more, his hand now inching towards Phil’s thighs. Phil sighs-

“Dan, do you need- Oh my!” Dan’s mum barges in his room.

They rush away from each other.

“Honey, what’s the matter,”

Dan’s dad walks into the room. His face hardens as he analyses the situation.

“Come on, we were leaving, they clearly don’t need anything.” He leaves the room, not bothering to meet Dan’s eyes.

The sound of the door locking matches the crack in Dan’s heart. He hugs Phil, who looks as disconsolate as he feels. “It’s not your fault” he murmurs between the crook of Phil’s neck. “I’ll just be back in a minute.”

*

Phil realises Dan needs to be alone. He takes these sentiments particularly hard. Dan is sensitive, way too loving. His entire being is filled with affection that he tried to hide under his ‘danisnotonfire’ persona. It is his honour to see him bloom into himself, a pure, tender man with fondness bleeding through him.

But Dan is not just this man he has come to love he is also an exposed child, craving for his parents’ praise. Phil can never relate to that, he is what he is because of his parents’ support. He can never understand what Dan goes through; can never recognize the tension that flashes underneath tight lipped words.

He will definitely understand if Dan breaks up with him. The warmth of parental love is irreplaceable.

Phil is pacing the room now, a habit he picked up from Dan. He keeps running his hands through his hair, messing it up and trying to smooth it again.

He keeps imagining situations where Dan breaks up with, his parents materialising behind him. It’s torture, really, mulling over various circumstances.

Dan’s voice breaks his train of thoughts. “Hey, sit with me in the living room for a while?”

“Yeah sure,” Phil nods. It’s all he can manage.

*

The living room smells musty, like it has not had fresh air in for a long time. It looks exactly how it looked when Dan left home 7 years ago; it’s an eerie reflection of his parents’ beliefs, he snickers bitterly. Phil and he are sitting on a lonely sofa pushed to the back of the room.

There is a clock ticking in the background, consistent. Its regular thud sends a wave of anxiety down his spine. The noise of the fan does not help to soothe his growing anxiety. Phil is holding his hand, his one connection to the world.

Dan’s mind is a whirlwind, his thoughts pitch black and cyclonic. Phil senses this and is quiet. Moments like these, with Phil’s hand in his and murky thoughts choking him take him to a place years ago, in Manchester with his parents’ voices in his head and a raging war in his chest. A lot has changed since then, but sharp words still reduce him to this.

Dan hates this, hates how deep cuts run when spilled with anger.

He has learnt to be strong all these years, learnt that can you build yourself up with love and understanding. He can stand up for himself and for his love, the cuts aren’t deep when sweet words fill them up.

*

His parents arrive home late at night. His thoughts have taken a steep turn from when they walked on them.

“I’m done, come with me,” Dan’s words send a shiver down his spine. Dan’s eyes are determined, his expression stoic and not giving away anything. It sends Phil down a pit of desolation. He lets himself be pulled by Dan towards his parents. He suddenly feels detached, feels all hope leave his body.

Nausea overtakes him.

Dan is no longer looking at him, his eyes ablaze and staring at his unsuspecting parents, but he tightens his hold on Phil’s hand. He tries to make that into a good thing, but it is difficult when he feels like he is staring into imminent despondency.

Dan clears his throat.

“I’m tired mum and dad. You both have tried to control and micro manage my life, you made me scare to be myself, something that I always have propagated. Congratulations on making me think and overthink all my actions so that I’m just a pool of anxiety and nothing else.”

Dan’s parents shift around uncomfortably. Their gaze settles on where their hands are linked, a single sign of intimacy.

“But I have learnt that it is okay to express myself, to not just exist but live like who I am. It has been a journey but there always has been a person I can rely on.”

He looks at Phil now, a small smile reserved for him.

“And I am not going to leave that person for the sake of your discomfort or the ‘humiliation’ you will face. You are homophobic, accept the fact. You don’t care about me. No amount of sugar you coat on your ugly words will change the fact that you are not concerned about my well-being.”

Phil can sense the change in the environment. He feel proud of the man he calls his partner. He flashes him a smile to see that Dan is already looking at him, his face open and fulfilled. Dan kisses him gently, hands still linked.

 Phil doesn’t know what this means to Dan’s family, but what he knows as his heart fills with overwhelming fondness that Dan is his family and nothing will ever change that.

[gayspock]

okay tldr im just kinda ... eye twitch at that whole parter LOL

like ehrhgh. SO preface: i think its always the case with "cliff hangers" wherein the reason why they fall flat so often is, like, if the actual cliffhanger itself is so... perfunctory. like they just do it because they felt like they had to leave us hanging on some tense situation - but the thing is, like? you dont NEED to orchestrate that, man; you already had our attention. so its so stupid then if like... they just resolve the situation in 0.2 seconds in the next episode. but its like yknow... its sth a lot of shows do unncessarily and ultimately if it is just a really weird blip when transitioning between eps its like. whatever.

BUT thats all to say... the end of s3 COULD have been a good use of a cliffhanger, yeah? because it's establishing, like, a pretty specific situation with longer lasting consequences than just saving someone from immediate danger in the first scene. but then they FUMBLEDDD ti like...

ough you set up sth genuinely kinda neat. i dont know why they walked it back so fast AND also made the things they did right less effective. like they open up s4 with john sooo alone and its genuinelykinda tragic but then by the end of the ep chiana's already back and its like so what... and then they all IMMEDIATELY reconnect next ep and its like- they dont even really get a proper freaking reaction, when its implied john's been out there alone for god knows how long on a dying ship like... its like nothing happened and

its like. i just feel like if ur not going to utilise the situations you construct - bc this is fiction, and you do construct the situations - why.... construct them? bc if you were gonna reunite everyone with so few consequences, we could have instead spent more time where it was worth instead. but no... and tbh that makes the cliffhanger thing even WORSE bc now u have to waste time walking it back to reset it... and its also a loss of momentum, you know? like- i know im bingeing this, so its a different viewing experience so maybe momentum isnt the right word, but yeah...i guess it just sort of sets the expectations and tone totally out of whack with what they initially establish and not in a good/intentional way

especiallyyyy bc then these two eps after ep 1... arghh!! bc of that they already are building off a strange foundation - but then with these, everything feels so rushed and sloppy. i genuinely had to check- did they kno abt cancellation, pre-production? bc i thought they were trying to speed through it but... naur, like...

farscape in the past has been one of the few shows to pull off the "just fucking throw EVERYTHING IN THERE!" bc it knows how to move quickly, and matter of factly but here its just like... stuff was just weak. i think, usually, when it DOES introduce a lot fast it knows how to really build them up. it uses super simple concepts and then layers them really well. here, not so much... i feel like the whole planet situation was, eh, contrived? is that the best word for it? its introducing a lot of weird mechanics to how it works- and maybe that'd be fine, usually, but again with everything else going on its like they introduce way too much, too fast. like oo-nii, also- i really loved the design, actually, loved the colour, but also kinda a really strange addition in here.

and i hthink its worsened with grammy granola grime bc i SAID I LIKED HER, I DO, but ive always felt with the more "spiritual aspects" (for lack of a better word) such as stark and zhaan they come close but also they kinda ... dont... pull it off ever. SORRY lol. i mean stark- actually stark did have some really good stuff in his first introduction, but i feel like its always so ill-defined in the bad way where it sort of feels like their nebulous abilities are used moreso to plaster over places in stories where they didnt know what to do rather than an actual exploration into something more interesting . like theres always a very shaky core to them- and that kinda sucks, bc you do NEED something even if you are trying to go for mystery or surrealism bc theres a difference between that and just kinda. yeah. anyways

thats all to say like. all of these issues and again entrenching some really important and heavy subject matter... EEK...!

like even just the minor shit. jool and d'argo. eh, man. just burnt through the whole damn thing in this ep... OK, LOL. IDC ABOUT IT? sorry... i just think its so weird how they handle other romances bc johnaeryn are so fucking organic and well-paced and claudia and ben do such a good job with the intimacy between them that just makes it real as fuck whereas like... everyone else is strange, man... eh. why'd you do it. come on man. its a shame bc i praised them in s1 bc they were pretty normal about zhaan and d'argo- kinda saying "oh, there's tension sometimes but otherwise its like eh theyre not super into it theyre just chilling as friends tbh" which is a dynamic that i actually find refreshing tbh... the more casual nature of it, yeah? as its told moreso through subtext and interactions whereas its like man what the fuck. everything with dargo otherwise has been, like, just so tell not show wtf...

and the major shit. i know the confirmation that jool's species are related to humans somehow is important. but its like... amongst this whole ep that whole thing really didnt have any impact bc like i said. its kinda all over. uhm. idk how i feel abt that. uhm well ... i dont like it. ok. SORRY. LOL.

but thats less so about it being done here even if it wasnt so good andmoreso i dont really want... them to be related... i dont know. what i liked about farscape was how it treated humans- john was never something special in the way trek always put "HUMANITTYYY" on a pedestal and forced the universe through human's perspective and culture and morality etc.... i really fucking hope it isnt some, like, "humans are their great ancestors" type of thing, that'd be the worst - ive had enough of that through shitty dw fan theories

and also just, like, in general ughghghg i DONT LIKE it when like.. there's a whole univers,e yes? its so infinitely huge and... well idk if it's coincedental, yet, but i dont like how small it makes the universe feel when it just so happensss that its humans like... AGAIN i think it detracts from whats established already, about how crichton is so far away from everything hes ever known ... it makes everything so much smaller in perspective and its just... ssorry to 🤓 but its soo 🤓unrealistic! AND YES YES YES its a damn fiction show- but i mean... within the established show, is what imean, bc i dont really care about technicalities USUALLY until then yeah its actually affecting the narrative where i think it is here and anyways thats speculation bc

AND OK

CANT SKIP AROUND IT

HEAVY SUBJECT MATTER

right the thing is i said it yesterday. i am not against them deciding to have *that* happen to john, in any capacity. there are respectful and meaningful ways you can explore that type of thing with care.

and its odd. bc i look at the time period this was done - and fucking hell, even comparing it to now - and theres stuff with the execution here thats... and i hesitate to say it, but it's almost... good... like.. im talking specifically about john's reaction and performance bc- god, even nowadays i feel like in media it doesnt always... get handled, well? but god- john doesnt take it well, and it isnt brushed off by the *narrative* in some parts (ehrm).. like i meanthe show knows that thats really fucked up, it acknowledges johns pain, and god like. i dont know; mauybe ben browder's performance was carrying, there, but what i mean is like.. even now i feel like with men, this type of thing isnt taken seriously or depicted like this with the grace given in PARTS of this, but also like...

GOD WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON. AND ALSO... D'ARGOS REACTION. UHM. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S- that just felt so fucking wrong, man. like jesus. and i mean, well, i think sometimes people do project a morality onto characters - expect a perfect reaction to things like this, when thats just not how people are, yknow - and i wouldnt want that either if it wasnt true, as i think an important aspect of this conversation IS reaction/others' perception but.. THIS? COME ON, MAN.. that whole bit is brushed off andits... icky which... again if d'argo and co misunderstood/brushed it off normally i'd be fine but its also like- the show itself brushes off them brushing it off, is my issue? no rumination on their reaction, which as i said an important aspect of that but... yeah. yeah.

and yeah. the thing in the first place- its also just sort of... ugh. like unnecessary. like- bc it isnt really reflected on much here it jsut... i dont think its shock-value territory, but it just feels like kind of a pointless jump to make - something a bit needlessly..,cruel... to approach such a serious topic when you really dont have the space to properly handle that kind of thing right now. and also its not- like from a story perspective it isnt... establishing anything, man, like... you could still have grayza domineering and even have her still like manipulate people through some similar means without that added layer (or hell, even everything up until that part with crichton i was kinda unnerved by but it didnt cross a line for me) and it would still be as effective. its not like the aurora chair or the neural clone wherein the consequences of them both have longstanding implications and do actually properly escalate-escalate, here its just like... alright lets just.. yeah. ok....

anyways

im kinda annoyed jool is now leaving like did her actress wanna go i mean thats okay if thats the case but like i dont like the revolving door character situation we've been having with regards to introducing new people like i just think it'd be fine man if you didnt. LOL

anyways

this isall so negative nancy SORRY LOLLLL im still having fun ofc its just OUGH... i swear, every opener i go through kind of a . ughhpart. at least it feels that way- maybe im misremembering

[sleevesareforlosers]

how did each of the diner residents react when cherri disappeared (was captured) before sing??? you mentioned it briefly in one fic but do you have any extra thoughts??? (for extra heartbreak, thoughts on this + babychild au/angie??)

ah! alrighty

(im not putting this under a cut but its long so uh. <3)

so as mentioned here (just in the linked chapter but if u want to read the whole fic i wont stop u) the girl cries for weeks. she's seven at the time and her family getting dusted has been a major (not unwarranted) fear since she like. started to understand the state of the world. so naturally it hits her hard, she gets Way more nightmares about the rest of the crew getting caught, her powers start manifesting more bc of the stress, she puts up a fight when people try to go on runs, its really not good. the rlly like. tough thing abt it is that no ones 100% certain what happened to cherri but they know he hasnt been mentioned in any traffic reports which is a Good indicator he isnt dead. still, no one wants to give the girl the potentially false hope that hes still alive (and therefore coming back) so they mostly just. avoid talking abt him around her bc its nearly guaranteed to set her off

poison got angry. i dont know if anyone's picked up on it yet (heavy sarcasm), but pois is Really protective and Really invested in his relationships and lashes out when he feels threatened in regard to either of those. losing cherri after being in a crew with him for eight years absolutely fucked them up bc as much as they were never his biggest fan, they started considering cherri family (subconsciously) within like. a few weeks of him getting to the diner. this was a MAJOR blindside, cherri was absolutely not the kind of guy that would just up and vanish and so when he did, the part of pois that thought it was intentional got mad At cherri for hurting the crew and the girl and also got mad at himself for "falling for it." yes, a deeper part of pois Knew that cherri hadn't just left, and that part was really fucking worried for him, but all those feelings got a bit muddled in the wake of everything and left pois just fucking seething

jet and ghoul had very similar reactions actually. theyve both been in the desert long enough that deaths and disappearances are kind of expected? like obviously it fucking hurt, they both loved cherri so much and the first two things that everyone thought when they found him gone were "he's dead" followed by "he went back to waveriding" and both of those are like. horrible things to have to think. jet was the first to break down and sob when they found cherri was gone and ghoul was next. after that, while poison was working through all his rage where he couldn't hurt anyone else, the two of them spent a lot of time sitting together, not really doing the comfort thing bc we know ghoul hates that but at least giving each other someone to sit with and process and plan for like, what to do next. after a few weeks 'what to do next' was accept that cherri wasn't coming back, that they couldn't find him, and that they should probably put his mask in the mailbox.

and no one was more opposed to that idea than kobra. after the initial two weeks or so where he sat on the roof, chainsmoked, and wouldn't look at, let alone talk to anyone other than poison, he got worryingly insistent that they were going to find cherri. it was like the only thing he could focus on was getting cherri back, absolutely scary to watch the way he refused to consider the fact that cherri might be gone. he wouldn't even really get mad when anyone talked about cherri in the past tense, he'd just kind of correct them with a confused look and mention that he "heard someone saw him in two last week, I'm gonna check it out." might've gotten a little less careful in firefights, a little less polite during trade deals, but mostly everyone else was happy that he was talking and eating again, they wouldn't mention it.

also okay for angies au i'm still kind of figuring out what the timeline looks like for that bc if i didn't shift anything at all she'd be two for cherri's disappearance/sing and that complicates how i KNOW her and the girls relationship is. BUT i can share a fun fact that If her au actually existed and If i wanted to think about how it worked with sing, cherri's disappearance followed by the girl getting captured within three months (give or take) means that the four wouldn't be willing to leave her alone while they went into the city, not even with doc and pony, and ghoul would've stayed behind with her.

[butcharyastark]

okay collected thoughts in vague chronological order from ep 4 of s4:

i love silver and flint's little increasing banter.... its rlly funny but also seeing flint actually treat someone like a friend and equal is astounding tbh

i loveeee how often you see silver and madi standing together in the background its so cute 🥺 theyre vibing.

the billy and silver scenes in this whole little arc genuinely hurt me bc like billy deserves retribution for how he fucked up everything and went off the rails hurting ppl and i dont feel bad for him but the fact hes not wrong abt questioning why silver switched so quickly from him and billy against flint to him and flint against billy.... they used to be friends

also BILLY LEVERAGING MADI'S SAFETY AGAINST SILVERRRR

silver being extremely protective over madi >>>>

i love every single silver and max interaction scene tbh it rlly feels like... a microcosm of the state of the plot and tone of the show every time. like u can point to how silver and max are communicating and know how tense or relatively happy most of the characters are.

ppl recognizing how smart and capable max is 👁👁 that she would be a great asset as an ally.... hehe

i love the scenes w madi and the older enslaved woman from the one estate and the discussion of what safety means

MAX THROWING IN ELEANORS FACE THAT MAX HAS BEN WARNING EVERYONE ABT THIS CONSTANTLY AND NO ONE LISTENED TO HER!!!!!!! NO ONE EVER LISTENS AND SHE DESERVES AN APOLOGY

ok im a certified eleanor hater but this convo between her and max abt what wouldve happened if they had run away together.... god. the running away together trope always gets me

oh my god i GUESSED where mfing woodes rogers was gonna go but the actual confirmation when i watched that it was havana.... going to the spanish for aid...jesus fucking christ

this fucking plot abt a deal and flint turning himself over to ensure a victory.... fuck. this shit always goes wrong and i knew it would be convoluted as FUCK (i was proved right later)

binged some pirate show last night while offline so i gotta rlly quick skim the eps i watched (ep3 to 6/7 i think??) to give my Thoughts bc my GOD shit happened quickly