#the bittersweet endings where some things were gained and some things were lost

[originalaccountname]

He went out on such a bittersweet note I can't do this

[johnwickb1tsch]

bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 42 all chapters

WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC: NSFW, SEXUAL CONTENT, VIOLENCE, YANDERE SH!T. Plz take care. I luv u all. 😘

42. home sweet home  

Although all you wanted in the world was to return home when you were trapped in The Continental, you find as you pull up the driveway you suddenly feel the tiniest bit of trepidation, just a hint of nervousness for living alone in this isolated mountain retreat here with John.

You want to trust him with all your heart, blithely steadfast in your confidence as much as your love. But there is a tiny whisper of doubt creeping up from the dungeons in the back of your mind.

You do not think John is insane. You do, however, believe he experienced a bit of a psychotic break in the days when he first took you, a bomb loaded with the pressures of past battle trauma, excruciating grief, and fear of losing control-i.e. you. 

He’d been so good to you in the city, but the last time you dwelled in this glorified cabin, you cannot forget that up to the last hours, you were a prisoner. 

Now, you’ve agreed to marry this man, and he holds your hand as you walk through the door on your own power, like things were always normal between you.  

Maybe you’re the crazy one, because you resolve to lift your chin and plow forth as though nothing bad had happened here. What you want is here in the present, and shining in the future. What do you have to gain, by dwelling on the past? You will put it behind you. Not forgotten–but forgiven. You know that is the only real way your love will survive–will thrive. Yet you also know, deep down, this vow you make to yourself will be easier said than done. 

You bring in your suitcases, and look over the repairs that were finalized while you were gone. It all looks essentially good as new. The bullet holes in the walls have been patched. There’s a new rug in the great room; there was no getting the blood out of the old one. 

Dog seems happy to be home too, trotting around and sniffing, making sure all is in its proper place in his domain.

You lose track of John in the big house; when you go searching for him, you find him just standing in the kitchen, staring at the place where one of the intruders had nearly ended him with a knife–before you shot them in the throat. Certain he’s having one of his flashbacks, you call out to him in a gentle voice, trying to talk him back from it without startling him. You’re no doctor, of course, but you may have fallen into some Google spirals about how to care for someone with PTSD at the Continental. 

Finally he responds to your voice, turning towards you with a haunted look in his eyes. “It’s ok,” you soothe him, reaching for him now that he’s woken from his trance. “We’re ok.” You think you actually believe it, too. He wraps you up in a tight embrace, burying his face in your hair and breathing deeply. You stand like that in the kitchen, just hugging, for what feels like an hour, but is probably only five minutes. 

“Do we…need to go somewhere else?” you ask quietly, sad at the thought of leaving the cabin, but wondering if fresh surroundings might be better. 

“No,” he insists. “Unless you want to.” Offering you this choice even just a month ago would have  been an impossible thing for him. 

“I’m fine, so far. I still like it here.” 

He nods, and presses his forehead to yours. “Y/n…” He sighs. “When I lost Helen, I wanted to die. Then, I wanted to survive, but just to kill. But you…you made me want to live again. It’s all I could think, while I was fighting. I want to live. For you.”

You kiss him softly; soon it grows into a heady lock of lips, John’s arms around you lifting you to your tiptoes. Between kisses he asks, “Can I take you upstairs?” 

This is the thing that gives you pause. Maybe the kitchen is the traumatic room in the house for John, but that luxurious bedroom upstairs has been your personal Bastille for the past months, and for a moment you freeze, finding that you are afraid to take the leap of faith with him. 

It’s his turn to offer comfort, when he notices your reluctance, and just maybe interprets it correctly. “It’s alright,” he assures you. “Come with me. Let me show you something.” With your hand in his he leads you up the stairs. Your steps are slow, but he doesn’t drag you along, being patient with you. When you cross the threshold of the bedroom your heart is pounding in your chest like it damn well means to escape through your ribcage, but you force yourself to take one more step with him to the keypad by the door. 

He starts punching in a long sequence of numbers, then he takes you utterly by surprise when he presses your hand to the sensor. The keypad is mounted so high you can barely reach it.  A few moments later the little green light flashes. “There. See?”

He shuts the door and you jump at that familiar, dreaded, click. “John?” You hate how small and needy your voice sounds. 

“Put your hand up, honey.” 

With your heart in your throat you reach up to touch the sensor, reluctant as though you almost suspect a trick. But then the lock on the door clicks open. 

You aren’t proud of the sob of relief that escapes you. John catches you up in his arms again, holding you. Until he wrapped you up, you didn’t realize that you were shaking. “There now, see?” he says soothingly, just like you’d spoken to him in the kitchen. “It’s yours, honey. Everything I have is yours.” 

A long, brittle sigh escapes you as you bury your nose in his neck. It doesn’t really register for you, what he means by that statement. All that matters are his arms around you, and that fucking door is open. “All I want is you,” you tell him, and you mean it.

“You’ve got me. I’m ok. Are you ok?”

You nod, offering a watery but genuine smile. He kisses your cheeks, which you didn’t realize were wet with tears. “My sweet girl. You have the biggest heart. What are you doing with a devil like me?” 

Your laugh sounds shaky too–did he forget that at first, he didn’t really give you a choice? “Having the adventure of a lifetime?”

He huffs at that, as amused as you are. Suddenly you are weightless as he hoists you in his arms, and takes you to the bed. 

He doesn’t say it aloud, but you fancy that you feel it. Every kiss he presses to your aching skin, every soft caress, feels embedded with apology, and you accept it. With open arms, you take it all. 

***

You wake before John from your post-coital nap. It’s late afternoon. You can tell, from the sideways light streaming through the windows. Quietly you slide out of bed, picking up your clothes in a bundle because you haven’t unpacked your robe yet from your suitcase. You dress downstairs, so you will not wake him. 

Knowing someone will have to go to the store soon, you browse the pantry for a snack, finding a granola bar. You go stand by the windows while you eat it, looking out at the forest. That is when, out the corner of your eye, you realize the light on the lock control on the front door is green. 

You can’t remember the last time that happened. 

When you’d unwittingly wandered into Wick’s lair after that hike for coffee and sundries? It wasn’t even quite a year ago, but it feels like a lifetime. 

You cannot stop yourself now. Your feet move on their own to the door, trying the knob. 

It turns freely, and so of course, you pull. 

The portal swings open, so naturally, you step outside. 

The early fall air is crisp, and has never smelled so sweet. You lift your face to the sun, soaking it in. 

Have you arrived? Is this the life you always wanted for yourself? 

You decide to wander, just a little. You walk around the driveway, stretching your legs, and then you meander to the edge of the woods. It’s almost as though the trees are calling you. You take a step, and then another, until you are in the forest, and you are happy. 

You’re not really gone long. Maybe twenty minutes, all in all, just a tiny little ramble. You pass back through the front door as quietly as you can muster, not wanting to wake John. You start, when you find him sitting at the kitchen island, with his head in his hands. You are startled, when you realize he’s been crying. 

“John?” You practically leap across the floor to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

He grabs you up in arms, holding you so tightly your ribs creak. “I thought…you’d left,” he admits quietly. He squeezes you again, shuddering as he buries his face in your hair. He doesn’t say more, but you think you might know the rest. The fact that he was sitting in the kitchen, and not tearing through the woods after you…if that was your decision, would he have let you go? 

You freeze, your breath ceasing, your very heart screeching to a stop in your chest. 

This man. 

How is it possible, for so much love to fit inside your insignificant shell of a body, for this man?

You draw back to look at him, really look at him, those mocha dark puppy eyes that tear your heart to shreds fixed on yours. “I’m never going to leave you, John.” It spills from your lips before you can even think about it, but once its out you realize it’s absolutely true. After everything he put you through…you still just know you will never be happy, without him by your side. Nothing and no one else will do. 

A psychologist would have a fucking field day with you. They would say things like Stockholm Syndrome and shared trauma bond, abandonment issues and codependent relationship. You would tell them to fuck the fuck off–and that Stockholm Syndrome is made-up bullshit devised by two male psychologists in the seventies to describe ‘hysterical female behavior’. 

You’ve known people who have made worse decisions for much less reward.

“I will always come back to you,” you tell him. “You’re stuck with me now. Like…a wart that won’t go away.” 

This makes him laugh, and it’s such a beautiful sight. You kiss his tears away, then his mouth. It soon turns into another tonsil-inspecting affair that leaves you both breathless. “I’m going to have to take you back upstairs now,” he says with a sniff, only half joking. 

“How about you take me to the grocery store? It’s going to be dinner time soon.”

He chuckles at that, nods, and kisses your forehead. “Okay.”

It’s almost like you’re an old married couple already.

[sol-consort]

Hello commander, I return with the ask for some crumbs of Thane in citadel dlc ideas/headcannons if he'd been there (he would've been perfect. Wouldn't he have just been perfect to join in the citadel dlc mission? I think he would've been perfect) Admiral anon out 🫡

Thane deserved to see that party and deserved the spotlights when it came to saving Shepard's ass. Who is better than a literal assassin to track you down from the shadows and swoop in all badass to make sure his siha is safe and sound. He would've been adorable at the casino, all shy and unsure under the spotlights. I love you Anon. I will name my firstborn after you.

[Fluff, romance, established relationships, Citidal DLC mission/party]

[Reader is Shepard, Gender neutral - NB!reader]

Citadel Wards: Ambush

"Siha, I came as soon as I could. Are you alright?"

Breaking out of his hospital stay mid checkup wasn't hard at all, especially after he caught hint of the fact you might be in danger. All alone with only a pistol against hundreds of enemies.

Thane was on a mission as he headed your way, heart racing, praying for the gods to protect you.

He knows you're more than capable, but he really wishes you didn't have to suffer through failed assassination attempts.

And a rather clumsy one at that too. Thane almost feels insulted.

But you're safe and he's not leaving your side anytime soon. He already left a message for Kolyat not to worry him while driving the shuttle he hijacked to your location.

It almost feels good to have a chance to pull all of his tricks again after such a long stay in the hospital with nothing to do.

In the scene where you meet him, his features visibly soften up when he looks at you. For a second, you could see the worry in his eyes. Contempt at his condition for not allowing him to be more of help to you.

"I've only a few loves left, and you are my last. Let me do what I can for you."

His hands lift up for a second before he reluctantly lets them down, clearly going for a hug hesitating and changing his mind.

You get a paragon interrupt to hug him, feel him melt against you. How long has it been since your last visit to him? Busy with preparing for the war and all, he was very understandable and content with the little time you offered him.

But now, oh you're finally here in his arms.

"I've missed you more, more than words could convey."

The hug is bittersweet, full of longing and untold fears.

You lost yourself in the war and the preparation for it, you almost forgot who you were fighting for in the first place.

The person who lost himself in you.

Thane always imagined his end to come first, for his story to end while your legend is still being written.

And he accepted it long ago, bitterly like any other pill he had to swallow.

It was just a fact of life.

All he could do was make sure he didn't leave any regrets behind.

But the idea of your life ending before him? Of the angel who guided him through a suicide mission and ensured everyone's survival to simply fall prey to some no-name assassins?

It filled him with burning rage for your enemies. Emotions he thought had died down since he gave up his previous job.

The same fire which consumed him back when he saw Kai Leng pointing a gun at you—overwhelmed his senses, twice as intense.

It's one thing for you to face soldiers nearly your equal on the battlefield.

It's another for some assassin to come and think they can best you while your guard is down during shore leave.

You were always fair in war. Assassins never are, he should know.

Gaining leverage no matter the cost.

Using every trick in the book to avoid a fight and get the upper hand before you realise they were there.

He memorised all the steps; a lifetime to perfect this song and dance of death.

Thane swore to himself not to let a single one of them reach you as long as he could still lift a gun.

Or simply weild a knife. Both were just as deadly in his grasp.

And now, standing with his arms wrapped around you so tightly, he almost feels ashamed for failing you. For not protecting you like you've always watched over him.

He doesn't voice those feelings; he never wants to worry you.

The mere soothing touch of your fingers against his face is enough to put all of the voices in his head to rest.

But you can see it in his sad eyes. You can sense the guilt in the desperate hold against your waist.

You get a renegade interrupt to kiss him, hush all of his worries away.

Everything else can wait. You'd damn the whole world if it meant you got to comfort your beloved just a moment more no matter what dangers lurked close by.

Ever since the time you kissed him during your initial hospital visit, you've been dying for the chance to do it again.

Eventually, it has to come to an end as Brooks voice sounds from your omni-tool, asking if you're still there. Warning you about the enemies heading your way.

Thane clears his throat with a smile curling in the corners of his lips. Apologising for getting distracted.

He follows after you as you investigate the car shop, a newfound determination to his steps. Knowing he will follow your lead to the end of the galaxy if you asked.

Reaching the closed gates, your attention turns to the closed shut office where they trigger to unlock them must be.

Telling Thane to step back, you raise your gun without hesitation as you aim the glass windows.

"Siha, there is another way."

His hand covers your own, gently coaxing you into lowering the gun.

Kneeling down to be on the same level as the volus hiding behind the desk, Thane asks them if they could open the gates.

He's patient as the shaking volus considers his request before clicking the button to lift the gates.

When you meet his eyes, he doesn't look smug at all, instead he seems very thankful to you for granting him this mercy of not carrying the guilt of endangering an innocent life.

Especially after all the time he has spent repenting for his past mistakes. All the innocents he has ever put in danger.

You realise how much the man in front of you has changed in the past months. The times he spent praying for forgiveness for each life he has taken, turning his own life around to be a good model for his son.

You can't help but voice your thoughts, not so subtly praising him for following his wishes for a stable, honest life with action.

The determination it must have taken, all the effort and hard work.

He brightens at your words.

"I even started paying taxes for my investments."

Now those words, he does look smug about.

☆

Citadel: Identity Theft I

Back at the safety of your apartment, Thane can be found next to the piano. One hand behind his back, another resting atop the piano cover.

Staring out the wall windows, the ones adjacent to the main entrance.

He's doing a breathing exercise when you approach him, slowly inhaling, then exhaling, in and out, in, out.

If you express worry, he reassures you that he's fairing well.

"It's you who just escaped danger. I should be asking you that instead."

He mentions how beautiful the view outside is, how it's nothing compared to his own apartment in the citadel that's more on the modest side.

Maybe he can take you there to show you after this is done, over a dinner? Kolyat is a surprisingly excellent cook, and sharing a meal with the two of you would make Thane very happy.

When it's time to discuss the next step with Liara and the group, Thane can't be picked for the vents' mission because it's hard to breathe in such a tight space.

You remember how the first time you met him was when he crawled down out of a vent.

The grim realisation of how much his health has deteriorated since sinks on you like cold water.

He makes a remark on how this mission almost takes him back down memory lane.

Infiltrating casinos to look for a target is his bread and butter–well the drell equivalent to that.

☆

Silver Coast Casino: Infiltration

"I never thought I'd actually get the chance to dress up and walk you down an aisle during this lifetime...it's always been a wishful fantasy. You look wonderful, siha."

He's wearing a very stylish suit, light breathable material.

It has a deep-ocean like shimmer when the light hits the black fabric just at the correct angle.

A thin shirt underneath, pearly white and unbuttoned down his chest.

He said it's necessary to compensate for the lack of cutouts in the suit so his skin may breath better.

Yet your eyes can't help but wander to his cleavage, even more noticeable now than his usual clothes ever showed.

If Thane had noticed your gaze, he never made a comment about it.

But he straightened his posture more, chin lifted a tad bit higher as he walked by your side ever soelegantly

Maybe he did reveal in your attention to his body.

His arm was around your waist, holding you protectively as he brought you closer to him.

You tired to tell him to just leave his hand in his pocket and let you "cling" onto it instead.

That's how humans usually do it to show statues, appear dominate, all the necessary facade to fit in with the usually casino crowd.

But he was greatly displeased with the idea of having you holding him without him returning the gesture.

He doesn't want to wear you like an accessory.

He never understood the human concept of playing things cool or acting hard to get.

Why deny his feelings and pretend he isn't over the moon at the idea of being with you in here? Why pretend you're not the most beautiful angel he has ever seen?

You could do anything to him on that red carpet, and he wouldn't protest nor shy away.

Lifting his chin between your fingers.

Be it cupping his cheek tenderly.

Giving him a sensual kiss.

He would've even kissed your hand if you wordlessly extended it to him.

The cheering crowd made him feel a bit uneasy, he isn't used to being in the spotlights or under so much attention.

Sure he infiltrated casinos, but by blending in with the background or disguising himself as one of the staff.

You'd be surprised by how easily drell are dismissed by the other species, assuming he must be the gaurd of some prideful hanar nearby.

Yet the way you held yourself so confidently, smiling and waving like it was your birthright to be under so many sparkling lights. It made Thane admire your strength even more.

Finally getting inside the casino, Brooks made a comment on how it's a good thing you brought Thane since drell-human couples are practically unheard of.

This means people will focus on the two of you rather than any suspicious activities on her end.

All of his uneasiness and hesitation fizzled out the second the mission began. Taking his role seriously and doing the job that must be done.

As you went around mingling with the crowd, he seamlessly blended in the shadows and background.

Always keeping an eye on you and staying within earshot. He made it look so easy how much he evaded attention and acted natural in such a new environment.

That's professional assassins for you.

It did amuse him a lot when you ordered the weeping heart cocktail from the bartender.

Whenever you needed him to distract a gaurd, he'd approach them and say one of the followings

"Excuse me, but would it be possible to find a quiet room for me to pray in?"

"I accidentally dipped my fingers in someone's drink, and now they're stripping to swim in the fountain."

"I'm here on behalf of the Hanar entertainment association, and I need to file a complaint on the lack of proper hydrating nourishments for my employers."

"Someone bumped into me and dropped this wallet. Can you help me return it to them?" *after searching for a while. "Oh, my mistake, I just remembered it's my own wallet, I must have had too much to drink"

"I hope you don't find this weird, human, but how can you possibly manage with just two eyelids? Don't your eyes get very dry?"

"Are you from earth? I've been there recently. It's a very beautiful planet, I'm very sorry about the recent news. Did you have any family on earth? I see..would you like to tell me about them?"

"Do you have any children? Ah good. I have a son but he doesn't have any significant other yet, I was wondering if you have any advice regarding this subject and how i may subtly push him towards finding someone?"

He thought about faking a coughing attack to try and distract the gaurd, but he decided against it for the low chance you might get worried or panic.

Also he had terrible luck in every machine he tried.

He'd just end up losing time after time so he decided against it not to drain your money.

Part of him died inside when you kept insisting on touching the fountain.

He just stood by and didn't have the heart to tell you what's it actually used for.

If you inquire about his past missions that took place in a casino, he tells you that he usually blended in with the servants and not the guests.

Find a secluded spot then quietly take security down one after one and ensure they get swept up in the chaos not to notice him slip by them.

Finally reach his target and go for the neck. The quicker the better. He wasn't looking for a fight or a confrontation, swifly making them meet their end was ideal.

It was contractual work, he always put his emotions aside during these times.

alongside his morals.

That's why this mission feels so...different in comparison to the past.

He is here because he wants to he here, rather than out of any obligation.

And dare he say, he is enjoying being your pretend date while playing dress up a bit too much.

Is it even pretend when the two of you are already together? You argue.

he can't deny that, but he'd rather take you to a proper date one day.

The two of you had never been on one, after all. despite everything you went through together, even risking death by each other's side.

Life happened too much, and too fast.

There simply wasn't time to catch up with Thane in a cafe.

Mundane things were akin to a luxury in your respective lives.

Thane found himself genuinely enjoying the art hanged around the place, the lights and decorations.

But his absolute favourite was the dancing.

Seeing you let loose and freely move even for a little while made him focus on the moment, on the few lighthearted memories he got to make today.

No matter how awful you were at it.

Memories he will surly treasure, replay whenever his mind got too muddy and clouded by the inevitable.

He was thankful for the gods to allow him this small extension on his life.

This small kindness of having just a little more time with you.

The opportunity to witness this, experience it by your side.

To get and walk you down the aisle while you looked the most beautiful he has ever seen you.

Even if it was just play-pretend on a mission.

...and a red carpet rather than an actual wedding chapel.

For the way he held you and felt about you couldn't be more true.

After the two of you enter the office only to find your target already dead, Thane can't help but have this gut feeling that something feels off here.

When you check the computer for whatever files the assassin must have forgotten to erease, he realises how clumsy this assassination attempt is.

An amateur work at best... too rushed.

How unusual. The office was guarded the whole time, what possibly could've made them leave in a hurry?

Thane looked around, there weren't any escape routes. No nearby vents, no possible second exists.

He almost voices his thoughts to you, but Brooks steps in first and talks about how this is a dead end.

Something about her feels familiar.

Yet even with a perfect memory, Thane is sure he never heard of this name or seen her face before.

Which just puzzles him even more.

The bullet wound in the corpse's chest is still fresh.

This wasn't the work of an experienced assassin who wanted to leave no trace behind, but the work of soldier in a hurry.

☆

Citadel: Identity Theft II

Back at your apartment, Thane can be found in the same spot.

Talking to him lets you know that he informed Kolyat not to wait for him during dinner tonight, wishing him a goodnight and reassuring him that he's managing fine.

Clear endearment in his voice at how much the relationship between him and his son developed, how it feels nice to have someone waiting for you home at the end of the day.

The information revealed by EDI only makes Thane feel more uneasy.

He keeps searching his memory for anything he might have missed, any small detail that could've slipped him by.

Your comment about bringing everyone along with you on the mission makes him smile.

Your determination never fails to impress him as equally as it amuses him.

☆

Citadel Archives: Escape

If you didn't pick him up for your team, then he ends up joining team Mako instead of Hammerhead.

Mostly to balance things since a sniper is already in the other team.

He enjoys listening to the bickering but doesn't participate much.

Until Tali brings Thane up to dig at Garrus for being the inferior sniper.

This really gets under Garrus's skin...plates?

He tries to get Thane into a sniper competition to see who takes out the most targets the quickest.

Thane, of course, politely declines and immediately conceads, handing him the win on a silver plate.

This just pisses off Garrus even more.

The turian starts talking about how assassins aren't even that cool, and Thane clearly doesn't have a cool face scar like him. Therefore, Garrus is the better sniper.

It keeps escalating with Tali adding fuel to the fire.

Eventually, Thane is pressured into accepting the sniper competition as both teams have already started betting credits on it.

You can affect the outcome if you take out the targets before the other person can get to them.

Garrus targets have a blue sniper dot show up on them while Thane's is green.

It is clearly cheating, and the losing team calls you out for helping, but you pull rank and remind them this is a mission; you're just doing your job.

You can either help Thane win, Garrus or leave them be.

If you leave them be, they end in a tie.

If you help Garrus win, Thane takes it in stride and admist he might be getting a bit rusty.

Garrus is full on boosting however.

If you help Thane win, he's actually surprised and very amused. He tries to remain polite and downplay his delight when Garrus loses.

"Thank you, Siha, for watching over me."

If you take Thane on your team, the competition only happens if you bring Tali or Javik with you who challenge Garrus on behalf of Thane.

Otherwise there is no one to pressure Thane into joining after he conceads.

If you bring Garrus and Thane with you, then Garrus is the one boosting about Thane to the other teams.

Saying how with two snipers, this team is overpowered and the other two teams have no chance.

If you use a sniper rifle, Garrus changes it to three.

His enthusiasm slowly infects Thane.

For a single mission, they suddenly lifelong bestfriends.

The two of them complimenting each other skills and equipment, Garrus impressed with Thane's zero hesitation methods and immense stealth. Precise and quick.

Thane in awe of Garrus endurance and how the sniper rifle feels like an extension of him rather than a seperate weapon.

The competition doesn't happen, or a very low stakes version of it happens where team mako and hammerhead suddenly unite for a second and Tali challenges Garrus.

Thane and Garrus easily sweep the competition, you can't lose or help the other team cheat because any kill you steal is counted towards your team.

Citadel: Party Aftermath

In the morning, as you stretch out in bed expecting to feel the body of your beloved next to you, you're greeted by the empty spot on the bed.

In fact, there is no sign of Thane around the house amidst all the scattered groups of your crew going about their mourning routine, nursing their hangovere, or a mix of both.

The front door to your apartment is ajar.

You step outside and see two figures standing at the far end of the hallway.

Thane and Kolyat staring out the hallway windows, enjoying the relative peacefulness of the early morning atmosphere.

A clear contrast to the chaotic mess of hangover and headaches inside your apartment.

Or, more precisely, it was just Thane enjoying the peacefulness while Kolyat scolded his father for leaving the hospital so suddenly and causing the asari doctor to freak out when she saw him break out of a window and land on top of a moving car.

Clear worry was barely masked underneath Kolyat's angry speech.

Maybe that's why Thane was in such a good mood, a rare smile gracing his lips as he gave his son his full attention, listening to his words and apologising for making him worry.

You're reminded of the first time you've seen Kolyat.

Of the first meeting between him and his father during your time at Cerberus.

They've really grown closer.

Somehow, they managed to overcome all the obstacles and difficult past they had.

Kolyat forgave his father, and Thane was grateful for being offered a second chance after everything he put his family through.

And yet, he risked it for you, his life.

A second time.

The life he just rebuilt, remade from the ground up.

You notice a plastic bag in Kolyat's hold, several pill sheets could be seen inside.

The open water bottle in Thane's hand.

His son must have came here first thing in the morning, just to deliver his father's medicine.

You give them their space, not wanting to interrupt Kolyat's lecture.

The last thing you see before going back inside is Thane pulling his son into a hug. Reassuring him that everything will be alright, his dad is right here.

Going to check with the rest of your crew and passing the hangover medd around. You gather them for breakfast.

Thane enters shortly after, you stand up from the table and go to meet him at the door.

Offering him to bring Kolyat inside, to join you and the rest for breakfast.

You've saved them a seat next to your own.

Much to the complaints and objections of other crew members who the seat next to the commander.

"Siha...I wouldn't want to impose."

"Nonsense Thane, you're a part of this team as much everyone else here."

You step closer to the man whose extended lifespan feels nothing short of a miracle, the man you've come to love with all of your soul. If it wasn't for the war, you would spend every second you could spare with him until his last breath.

His hands feel cold against yours, his touch so familiar and full of longing.

Your eyes are full of promises when you meet his deep green ones, surrounded by abyssal darkness like the deep ocean. Promises to fight this war, to make the world a better place.

For Kolyat. You'll make sure his son gets to grow up in a safe world. That even when Thane is gone, he can entrust you to be a guardian to his son and look out for him after the fight is won.

But for now, you ask nothing more of this life than this one chance to share a meal with the two of them. Sit around a breakfast table, have a glimpse of what a normal life with Thane must have looked like in a different world.

A world where you took this for granted, calling him your husband, eating at the same table with his son everyday.

With a nod, Thane accepts.

At first Kolyat is shy and unsure at sitting next to so many people, most of them legends...and hungover.

It's endearing how much this scene reminds you of how Thane first acted at the start of the casino mission, like father like son.

But after some time, Kolyat starts opening up to others and answering their curious questions. Surprisingly, it's Grunt who is the most interested in him, continuesly asking him about sharks, and if he has seen any.

Kolyat answers that he has swam with many.

Just like that, with one simple sentence, Grunt is hooked.

The young krogan eagrly pushes James out of the seat next to Kolyat so he may claim it for his own.

The two of them clicking immediately. By the end of it, they have exchanged contact information with Grunt promising to share his secret stash of shark videos with Kolyat who turned out to be very knowledgeable about marine biology.

Thane whispers to you that his son used to have a marine life encyclopedia as a kid. It was laminated and waterproof, much like all the books produced by the hanar usually are. His son cried so much after accidentally losing during a beach visit once, so much so that a passing hanar offered to go swim down and retrieve it.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I couldn’t sleep last night, but desperately needed to try because I had an early morning today, which sent my brain down various useless rabbit holes, one of which was: Story Stakes.

Generally, this is something very important to communicate in your queries/blurbs/pitches/cover copies. People need to know why anything in the story matters. But a lot of people interpret stakes as, “What are the costs if they fail?” and that just seems too limited to me. It’s always an “They Win, Or Else.”

And it feels fake. You can write “Or they’ll all die,” or “The rebellion will be quashed forever,” or, “The galaxy will explode,” as much as you want, but very, very few stories actually follow through on that. To me, it doesn’t hit me with much impact, because I know it’s not a real option or risk. This is a story. Stories almost never end that way, and many of those would be hard to actually accomplish.

So maybe they’re stakes for your character. But they’re not stakes for a reader. My emotional investment in the story isn’t going to be tied to fear they might explode the damn galaxy.

I have rarely written characters who were motivated by what would happen if they failed, or had them think often about the costs of failure. Most often, I write characters who are pursuing something more and think about what they might miss out on gaining. I write characters who are going to be emotionally destroyed if they cannot succeed because they weren’t good enough/didn’t try hard enough/made mistakes.

And to me, that’s much more engaging. Will the character lose much but time and an opportunity? Maybe not. But how do you go back to the status quo when you were a fingertip away from something better?

The status quo is losing. Remaining how things were is the price of failure. You don’t have to backslide from the book’s opening for the characters to have lost. I don’t have to write an Or Else.

And I think it’s also much more likely as an ending than horrific catastrophic failure. A character losing out on something they wanted and having to emotionally confront that and move forward is actually reasonably common. A story with a bittersweet ending where things are in some ways better and some ways worse but not what the characters were hoping for are reasonably common—and they often hurt a reader worse than watching everything fall apart does.

I give characters hope and desire and if the reader doesn’t truly believe they won’t really get what they wanted, they’re at least likely to follow along for the emotional catharsis of seeing them win instead of for fear that they lose.

I’m still tired and still haven’t slept. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to anyone but me. But I prefer to lead with carrots and not sticks, especially for readers who don’t have to invest.

[eyesaremosaics]

The world is in such a state, that I feel embarrassed sharing my thoughts or feelings about anything, especially something as petty as my personal problems.

I’m writing today for myself, and maybe someone out there can relate.

I’ve been going through changes for a while now. I’m definitely experiencing a spiritual awakening I have had many encounters (some I initiated, but most having to do with the random crossing of paths) that were very healing, some after ten years or more of silence between us. It’s almost like… all the wounding that I did and that was done to me in my twenties has come full circle.

I have felt overflowing love, understanding, as well as a consciousness of my part to play in every relationship/situation. It was painful to look at my shadow self so clearly. To peel back the layer of victimhood, and realize that maybe I was the problem, in many respects.

Yet in this process of fully realizing my faults, I have developed something I never had before: compassion for myself. I understand why I was the way I was, and looking back, I was able to see just how far I’ve come. It was a good feeling, a proud feeling. Tying off loose ends energetically from so many people from my past. People who were major players in my story (and I in theirs).

It’s bittersweet, the forgiveness is heartfelt on both sides, yet the empty echo of what was, and will never be again lingers on. Yet the older I get, the more I realize it’s all perspective.

With the impending eclipse, I have felt this urge to transform. This shedding of skin. I keep peeling it off like strips, like the bark from a very old tree. I’m uncomfortable being “comfortable”. I keep thinking beyond me, I constantly leave my body, float up to god knows where.

This quiet dissociation gets me into trouble.

On the regular.

Like a fever dream you live on, a heartbeat in my head. All the dreams, your shadowed face. All apologies. Wanting to speak to me. Whispering words I can’t remember upon waking. It feels like energetic stalking. Sitting on all these words I’ve written.

All the perspective I’ve gained in recent weeks… on each past relationship I had. The gifts I got from each lover, what I learned, and how I’ve changed. I harbor no anger toward any of them anymore. I understand it all. I see it from a Birds Eye view. The drop in the bucket, rippling out into ocean blue. The reverberation spills into areas I don’t even realize, to people I’ve never met.

Sitting with all the ugly things I’ve said and done in my life.

Comforted by the fact that in my heart I know I never meant any harm. I know myself now. I know I never hurt anyone on purpose. I was just trying to survive, through so much trauma and pain, just as they were.

I have compassion for each of them, and I also have compassion for myself.

The only way you can shift your beingness, is to live by example. Just be the thing you wish to see. Show up differently, and consistently. The more you practice, the easier it gets.

I’m doing a cleanse to prepare for the Ayahuasca ceremony. I need the purge, I need to purify my spirit. They say the first session is like opening a Pandora’s box. The second open heart surgery, the third is repair, or sewing you back up. I need this hard reset more than I can explain.

My friend Alejandro did the ceremony after both of his parents died rather suddenly. Therapy wasn’t working, so he tried Ayahuasca, and said it was like 100 therapy sessions in one. He said his dead mother (whom he had been very close to) came down and wrapped her arms around him and held him while he cried. He knew he didn’t have to be so sad anymore, because she was always around him, whenever he needed her. Powerful stuff.

I am a little afraid to open the Pandora’s box of all the SA I’ve experienced. I lost count. It’s really sad. I don’t talk about my traumas anymore, mainly because it just makes everyone around me uncomfortable. Plus I don’t like the way people change how they are towards you. It’s a part of my past, but it doesn’t define me. I am not what happened to me.

Fearful that I will have to relive some of these memories. Hoping to connect with some of those who have passed on. Hoping to resolve this thing with you that keeps cropping up in my mind nearly a decade later. Why is it surfacing now?

I used to write poetry. Now I don’t feel confident enough to string words together.

Yet I express myself in other ways. Or do I? Am I merely stunted? I feel like I can’t be myself with my partner, or with many people I am forced to deal with on a regular basis.

Started just being myself again, regardless of how I think it will be received. This has been to greet results. Yet I fear I am outgrowing many of my relationships… this is uncomfortable, as some of these are my primary anchors. Hoping to get clear about these things in the coming months.

I feel different, I’m not who I was, but I’m still in a state of becoming.

So many old wounds resurfacing. I know this is a time of healing, and I am eager to receive all the light.

Hoping you are all feeling the changes too in your own lives. Curious to hear if you’ve had similar things come up for you in these trying times… especially with all the transits taking place.

[ecargmura]

The Yuzuki Family's Four Sons Episode 12 Review + Final Thoughts - Gakuto And His Brothers' Daily Lives

Why does this anime have to end? Thursdays now feel empty…. I’m glad that this show has been nothing but sweet slice of life. I really enjoyed it a lot from start to finish.

The final episode is about Gakuto starting to write in a diary. As a six-year-old, he has no idea what to do with a diary, but with advice from Mikoto, Gakuto starts journaling his daily life, thoughts and feelings on the things that transpire. I actually got my first diary when I was around Gakuto’s age too, so I get how Gakuto thinks. Though, I wasn’t as mature as him back then, but I did like using my diary to write about stuff; I don’t remember what I wrote back then, but getting my first diary made me a frequent diary writer at my age; it’s crazy how my habit of writing transitioned from childhood to adulthood.

Gakuto writes about events in his life like how Hayato got home early from work and went grocery shopping to make something Gakuto wanted to eat, how he witnessed and envied the closeness of Mikoto and Minato when the former was tutoring the latter, how Hayato thought about his younger brothers after being an only child for a long time, how Mikoto and Minato thought about him, and how he feels about going to his family’s grave every month. All the moments were so adorable and shows how tight-knit the brothers are.

One scene that got me was when the brothers decide to make their monthly visit to their parents��� grave. Gakuto, in particular thought, about a memory he had with his parents where they were waiting for the kindergarten bus to come. I think the saddest thing about that memory is that is most likely the only strong memory he has of them. He lost his parents when he was four; he’s currently six. As time goes by, Gakuto will forget that particular memory. While he can still remember his parents’ faces via photos, the expressions and emotions he had felt from the memories will fade away when he gets older because he spent the least amount of time with them before their passing. That’s really bittersweet to think about. I know that his brothers will make up for it by telling him stories so that he can keep his parents’ memories alive within himself, but it wouldn’t be the same.

This final episode showed the personalities of all the brothers and it’s actually amazing to watch. Hayato behaves like a parent, but I do like seeing his vulnerable and stricter sides. Mikoto, while still a brocon, has more affection for Gakuto than I assumed he would; while he does see him as a rival for Minato’s affections, Gakuto’s maturity and innocence dazzles him at times; the scene where Minato tries to blow him away was funny. Minato is a huge simp for Gakuto, even saying that he finds his breathing cute; calm down, dude. I like that while Minato is very stubborn and rambunctious, he instantly flips like a switch when it comes to Gakuto; the baby brother practically has the third brother wrapped around his fingers.

The ending was very sweet. After seeing the rainbows, the brothers decide to spend the rest of the day doing something memorable that Gakuto can write down in his diary. When all three of them ask where he wants to go, he says that anywhere is fine as long as he has his brothers. That’s so sweet. They’re such a tight-knit family.

Final Thoughts

This anime was heavily overshadowed by the big names of this season; I don’t blame it as this season was STACKED! While the beginning was rough around the edges due to the poor subtitles, it still managed to gain some watchers, like me!

I do like that all the characters in the show feel human. They have both good and bad traits and neither are glorified nor villainized. They’re very flawed characters, but that’s also a good thing. While they fight, I can see how close they all are. I think the best part about these characters are that they don’t stick to one specific trope; yes, even Mikoto isn’t a brocon all the time. Hayato may seem like the mom-like brother, but even he has his own internal issues when it comes to his existence. Minato seems like a brat, but he has a good heart and can be mature when necessary. Gakuto, while mature, struggles with trying to be a kid and trying to grow up faster to not be a liability. The Kirishima family, while supporting characters, have their fair shares of flaws too.

I think the writing was great too. All the situations the brothers deal with aren’t dealt with in normal anime-like fashion. Two episodes that come to mind are Episodes 6 and 7 where Minato struggles with realizing that his relationship with Uta might change in the future and how he first met Uta who was moody from her parents’ divorce. The plot for those episodes went in routes I didn’t expect them to take. In typical fashion, Uta and Minato would’ve been a couple here and there, but their relationship did not progress to love and stayed platonic.

The opening and ending songs were great and the OST was good to listen to as well. When it comes to animation, I was rather surprised. What I know from Studio Shuka is that they were the ones that animated the remaining seasons of Durarara!!, so having them do something slice of life like this show was a first for me. The action scene in Episode 7 was so well-coordinated too! It shows that they can go all out, even for a show like this and deliver flawlessly.

It sucks that this show won’t get a season 2 nor would it get an English license for the manga. I’d love to read it. I’ve grown so attached to this family. This is definitely a slice of life, family story that I would recommend others to watch. What are your thoughts on the finale and the show as a whole?

[mega-ditto-3]

Mha fic idea #34

Alright, another fic idea but this time.... Bkdk angst. 🧡💚

Amnesia Quirk!With a Twist!

You've been warned.

At the height of their prohero careers, Izuku is hit with an amnesia quirk. Only, he seems to have lost just the memories connected to his husband Bakugou Katsuki. It might be a bit awkward, but can still work and live his life for the month it'll take for the memories to come back.

And they do.

His first memory, it comes back the same day he'd been hit.

Their first date. An amusement park with crepes and smiles and holding hands-

And as the days pass, more and more memories replace the blank space in his mind. Of all of the good times they've had together. Memories of their wedding, their anniversaries, birthdays, fun times, winning a good battle, childhood memories that mysteriously cut off...

An apology.

It lacks context, but these memories make his heart sing. Izuku couldn't stop himself from forming a crush on the blonde even if he tried. These feelings are even further reinforced by the frequently retrieved memories. He spouts praises in a way that feels familiar and his heart blossoms with delight over how perfect they are together.

Izuku's constantly showing his affection and appreciation, but as the month continues Bakugou starts to act strangely. Bakugou is careful to disengage from the warm hugs and flirty smiles, reminding Izuku that "things weren't always like this" and shying away from Izuku's approval that "He's not perfect, he's made mistakes."

This does not deter Izuku. He's head over heels for this man and every new memory he just sinks even deeper...

That is.

Until the good memories run out.

There's a little less than a week to go when one arrives. It's not too bad, maybe a bit confusing, but Izuku doesnt mind it.

But they keep coming. Pieces to some of the other memories that leave some of them a bit more bittersweet. Memories where Kacchan's harshness was less funny, more frustrating. And then scary.

Izuku is shattered. Their romance had seemed so wonderful and easy, almost like a dream, and he's losing it with every new memory gained. They feel tainted, nothing about them seems real; Like there's some kind of caveat to every whispered promise.

He's frustrated with himself, confused and upset and not understanding why these memories were hidden from him to save so much heartache til the end and it just keeps getting worse.

Kacchan had warned him, but he couldn't have known it would hurt so much.

There aren't any good memories left. Nothing to soothe this ache- the betrayl- and he can't help looking at their relationship differently the closer they get to the worst of their fights and arguments. Things that even Katsuki knows he can't explain...

Sidenote here:

I've noticed in amnesia!quirk fics that when it comes to the angsty memories between bkdk, like their middle school experience, there are usually still some good memories to soothe the amnesiac to remember and return to their partner.

This is probably since most of the memories are returned

A. Chronologically

B. Randomly, as plot dictates

C. All at once

These types of fics are great, don't get me wrong! I eat it up. Amnesia fics are great for angst fodder.

I'd just love to see if anyone else had this thought of the memories coming back based on progression of Good ones to Bad ones (to Worse ones). I like that there is no redemption from the quirk. It rearranges the perception of the person it affects in such an awful way.

Bkdk would seriously have their work cut out for them at the end of the month.

[kitkatt0430]

Here's a few non-Arrowverse fic ideas

Agents of SHIELD

Set during the VR arc. Grant follows Ada through the portal into the real world while trying to stop her. And while he saves the day, he finds himself in the real world with a real body and, unfortunately, the consequences of the actions of the real Grant Ward looming over him. He's never been Hydra a day in his life - not for real, anyway. Undercover only. But his Skye was Hydra and both she and his world are gone now thanks to Ada shutting the program down before he could stop her. Even if he could get the VR version of Earth up and running again, there'd be no going back.

It wouldn't be a Grant/Daisy fic, but his relationship with the virtual Skye and her almost with the person she wished Grant Ward had been would heavily color their interactions. Grant's main goal is to save his destroyed virtual world - probably getting Mack on board to help him. And Fitz too, but first he and Grant would have to work through their many issues - Grant resenting the part Fitz played in leading Hydra alongside Ada. Knowing Fitz was mind-raped to become that person doesn't make things easier. And, well, Fitz hates Grant for the things the original Ward did and it takes time - and a big fight where they both say things they later regret - before they tentatively come to accept each other.

It's a bittersweet ending sort of fic. Grant is able to restore the virtual world, eventually, using some power source Ada left behind. And they're even able to restore the virtual version of Skye since Daisy merely took her place in the simulation, unlike how things were done with the others. And while Skye chooses to fight against Hydra in Grant's name, Grant himself chooses not to stay in the virtual world - or let Skye know he's still alive. Tied to a real human body, he'd waste away to nothing and die if he tried to return to that life as there's no known way to permanently upload him back into the simulation. Instead he has to learn to accept the life he has now and make the best of it as an Agent of SHIELD.

Final Fantasy VIII

When Seifer failed Ultimecia as her Knight, she cursed him to be incapable of wielding anything created with the intention to be a weapon. Fast forward to the present day and Seifer's largely adjusted to life as a permanent ward of Garden (Squall's working on it) and putting up with Rinoa and Selphie's well meant but incredibly annoying match making tendencies.

When one of his failed dates tries to kill him, it gives Quistis an excuse to ditch her own boring blind date and puts the two of them on track to do a little fake dating - if only to get Rinoa and Selphie off their backs. But it turns out there's more going on than a few assassination attempts against the former Sorceress Knight. A cult of Sorceress Worshipers seeks to resurrect Ultimecia - never mind she technically hasn't even been born yet and might not for centuries and would just kill them for a thank you anyway - and they think her lingering magic within Seifer is just what they need to pull it off...

It's a fake dating fic, so the intention is for it to become real eventually. And for Quistis to save Seifer, though he does get his curse lifted by the end of the fic. And he gets to train with Hyperion for the first time in several years during the Epilogue.

Tales of Graces

The path to becoming a knight is not what Asbel expected. What with Sophie's death and his parents practically selling off his younger brother as the catalyst for his choice to run away, Asbel's lost his happy-go-lucky attitude and gained a reputation for being the most serious and studious student in the academy. But with his funds running low, he might not be anything at the academy soon enough if he can't find himself a part time job to make ends meet.

When he takes a job at a music shop, however, the proprietor seems a lot more interested in teaching Asbel to play the violin and remember how to enjoy life than in making him man the register.

I see this as being more of a multi-part series, mostly one-shots, jumping back and forth between Asbel's time at the Academy (and his growing love for the violin) and the present time period from the game where Asbel's unexpected talents turn out to be a boon for their group as they struggle to save their world. And also helps bridge the gap between Asbel and Hubert as the two brothers reconnect.

[brucewhite]

Farewell to My Friend | Bril

Date: Early June 2024 Featuring: @agentgrumpy-gils Warnings: None, just sad :')

Bruce says one final goodbye.

BRUCE

The poetry of it all wasn’t lost on Bruce. The last time he’d been on an airplane, he’d been on his way to freedom, to his new life. And now here he was again, saying goodbye to that life, watching it get smaller and smaller out the window. But this time, he wasn’t so eager to leave the place he’d been. It was bittersweet, actually— he was losing something at the same time as he gained something else. 

But he’d made his decision. He was just grateful that he’d had the time he had in Swynlake. That he’d met such wonderful friends. And that Gil would come all this way with him, halfway around the world just to make sure he got into the ocean safely. 

After many hours, some of which Bruce tried to spend sleeping but barely managed in all his conflicting emotions, Samoa appeared in the distance, a sandy spot on the blue water. And then it grew bigger and bigger, and then it was more than a spot, it was a bright, bustling, vibrant island full of land people.

Bruce’s stomach twisted as he remembered the last time he was here. But they wouldn’t be here long.

“Not too much further then, eh?” he said as the plane touched down.

GIL: 

This was supposed to be a happy moment.

And Gil was happy. They’d done the impossible — they’d found Bruce’s pod. They were going to reunite him with his family. Living in the ocean would have its risks. But at least he would be with his family.

Gil’s heart twinged as he saw the blue waters through the plane window.

That was two merfolk reunions in a few months. HQ was overjoyed. Gil was not used to the praise. It was shared across the whole team, of course, but it did feel a little… weird, especially considering this wasn’t even what Gil wanted to do in the first place —

(How could he even think that? How could he even think that when he saw how much it meant for Gabriella, and for Bruce?).

“A local operative is meeting us with a car,” said Gil. “And they’ll take us to a secluded beach.” He smiled at Bruce, standing up and grabbing his bag. “Almost there.” 

BRUCE

Bruce nodded and returned his gaze out the window as the plane rolled along the tarmac. Tall, green palms swayed overhead and the sky was impossibly vast and blue. These would be his last memories of land. Though he was excited to be back in the ocean, he didn’t want to forget a single moment.

He stood up after Gil and followed him out of the plane onto the tarmac where a car was waiting, just as Gil had said it would be. “Thanks for coming with me,” Bruce said as they approached the car. “It was quite a long flight. And I know you’ve got other things going on back in Swynlake.”

Things that Bruce couldn’t even fathom, that were likely much more serious. But Gil had given his time to come with Bruce, just so he’d have a familiar face with him on the long, difficult journey. That meant a lot.

GIL:

It hadn’t even quite registered to Gil that he wouldn’t come. Bruce was an official RAS ward, unlike Gabriella. Also, landing in Samoa was objectively less dangerous than landing in Avalor. 

And also, maybe most importantly, Bruce was his friend.

(Not that Gabriella hadn’t been; he’d known her well enough through the group. But Bruce was different). 

“Of course,” said Gil to Bruce, before the car pulled up. He greeted the other agent, making quick introductions, and loaded up the car. Before Gil got into the car, he looked at Bruce, clasping a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“This is important. For you. For us.”

BRUCE

Bruce still didn’t know the whole story of how Gil had ended up on land. At this point, he didn’t think he ever would. But he knew enough. He knew that most merpeople had a tragic reason for finding themselves separated from their homes (though there were exceptions, of course). He knew very well there was a reason they didn’t talk about that.

Finding his way home, it was about more than himself or Gil individually. It was a symbol of hope for both of them, that when merpeople worked together to help one another they could achieve powerful things. 

“I know,” he said, his eyes heavy with the gravity of it. “I’m still grateful.”

They made small talk with the other agent, which felt a little bizarre to Bruce, but oddly natural, too. He wondered if the agent did this every day, delivering people to their destinies. What a life, he thought.

“Not too much further,” the agent said, and Bruce looked out the window again. The clusters of houses and businesses had loosened until they were in a much more rural area. Bruce smiled at Gil nervously. 

“It’s nice out here,” Bruce commented. ”It’s been a long time since I’ve seen water so blue. In person, anyway.”

GIL: 

“It’s beautiful.”

Gil couldn’t stop looking at the ocean.

It was so blue, but where the sunlight hit, it turned gold. It was a blue unique to this particular stretch of ocean, yet Gil couldn’t help but picture the deep turquoise waters he’d once called home. 

Bruce was going home. This fact hit him again, a dull ache that reverberated in his heart. Bruce was going home.

And Gil never would.

The car pulled off the road and drove a little further through some jungle. Gil could still see the coastline. When the car finally stopped, the agent turned to Bruce and Gil. 

“There’s a path that leads down to the beach,” they said. “If you need help finding it, just radio me. But I thought I’d give you two some time alone.”

Gil nodded. He stepped out of the car and extended a hand to Bruce. 

“Are you ready?” he asked Bruce. 

BRUCE:

Was he ready? Bruce wasn’t sure. But he was as ready as he would ever be. He’d made his decision, and it was time to focus on the future, not dwell on the past.

Okay, maybe he could dwell on it for just a moment longer. Because soon, Gil would be part of the past. And Bruce had a special and rare opportunity, an opportunity he hadn’t realized would be quite so special and rare until it was ripped away from him the first time. He had the opportunity to savor this last moment, to take a mental picture. And then he would have the opportunity to say goodbye.

“Yes,” Bruce said, taking Gil’s hand and stepping out of the car after thanking the driver.

He was keenly aware of the solid ground beneath his feet, the sweetness of the air. The brilliant blue of the sky above the brilliant blue of the sea. The dirt path turned to sand. And soon, they were on the beach. 

And soon, it was all very real.

“Gil,” he said, looking in his friend’s eyes. “I want to say a few things before I go. Do you- do you have a moment?”

GIL:

He smelled the ocean before he saw it. The sharp salty scent filled his nostrils and Gil closed his eyes a moment. He could taste it, practically, in the back of his throat. The air was warm and thick with moisture, but still, the scent of the sea cut right through it. 

It made his eyes water. 

Then he heard it, the waves against the shore, the familiar rhythmic pounding.

And then, there it was, brilliant and blue. 

Gil couldn’t help but smile. 

Bruce’s voice tugged him from his reverie, and Gil turned back to him.

“Of course.” He nodded. “I have a moment. I have many moments. I have as many as you need right now.” 

The beach was empty. Quiet. They were alone, just them and the vast expanse of ocean. 

BRUCE

The waves rolled in and receded, leaving shadows of wet sand behind each time. The gentle swoosh of water, in and out, was almost loud on the peaceful beach. Birdsong rang from somewhere in the deep green forest. And in the middle of all of it, Bruce and Gil, just two fine little dots in the massive web that was this ecosystem. Bruce wasn’t home yet, but for a moment, he felt like he already was.

He continued in Mermish, because Bruce didn’t want a single thing getting lost in translation.

“I keep thinking about Bianca,” Bruce admitted. It wasn’t something he brought up to Gil often because he knew it was painful. But if he never got to speak to Gil again, he wanted to make sure he said it. “I did not trust her at first, to be completely honest. I chose to stay on land because I was afraid to go back to the ocean, but part of me wondered if I was just entering a new kind of captivity. She got me clothes to wear and a place to stay, and I appreciated that, but it took me a long time to trust her. 

“But she was always very patient with me. She knew I needed time. And then she introduced me to you, and…” Bruce swallowed, starting to choke up now. “That was when I realized she really did care about me, that she understood what I needed. What you agents do, breaking into horrible places and saving people and getting them the things they need— it’s all very helpful, and very important. But there’s another piece to it, and without that piece, I don’t think I would have gotten to where I am now. You made me feel like a person again, someone worthy of kindness and care, someone with dignity. It was even in the little things— going to my birthday party, sending me those game tickets when we played phone games together— things like that. I don’t know if it seemed like a big thing to you, but it was a big thing to me. So… I wanted to thank you for that. And ask that you do the same for whoever the next person you save is. I think… I think Bianca would be very proud.”

GIL: 

Bianca would be very proud.

Something in Gil’s throat caught. He kept his gaze on Bruce’s, but Gil felt like he was looking right through him, far beyond just the two of them on the quiet beach right now.

Bianca had requested he come to Swynlake, and Gil had resented it. He’d been so close to a breakthrough. It was four years in New York City down the drain. He was wasted in Swynlake. So he’d felt three years ago. 

Maybe if you’d asked him just yesterday, he’d also say he felt wasted in Swynlake, one hand tied to a desk, to a team of agents he never asked to manage. And yet — and yet —

Bruce’s words made him hesitate.

Maybe his answer would not come so easily.

(Maybe, just maybe, it would be different). 

“You don’t need to thank me,” said Gil. He’d returned to himself, more or less, gaze fixing back on Bruce. “But I appreciate it.”

He thought about saying that he wished someone had done the same for him, but — well, his foster family had, hadn’t they? They weren’t merfolk, so it wasn’t quite the same. But his foster father showed him how to tie his shoes and his foster mother learned what kind of tea he liked and always made him a cup before bed. They still emailed him, every holiday and every birthday. 

Maybe that’s why, despite his resistance at being stuck in Swynlake, he’d held a hand out for Bruce. He knew what it was like; he’d once needed that hand himself. 

“I’d do it all over again,” said Gil. “And I will. To the next person.”

And, well, there would be a next person. If there was a certainty in life, it was that there would always be a merperson in need. 

Gil reached over and hugged Bruce, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around his friend. He was quiet now, not sure what to say. He was also worried that he might be crying. 

“I am happy that you get to do this,” he said, softly. “My family is gone.” He’d never told Bruce the whole story, nor would he now. It wasn’t a hopeful one. And Bruce deserved hope. “But yours swims free —” His voice cracked. “And you get to return to them. It’s amazing.” 

BRUCE

That was why Bruce wanted to thank him. He knew it was Gil’s job, and he would do it anyway. But it was more than that, wasn’t it? And at the final thing Gil said, Bruce knew it was true. 

Bruce had learned this from his time on land: sometimes, terrible things happened for no reason at all. There was no forgiving it. There was no reconciling it. Your life may move on, but you would always wish that thing had not happened. But there was no reversing it, either. There was only the future.

You could let it turn you cold and mean, of course. No one could blame you for that. Not when it was so terrible. Or you could resolve to do better than those who had hurt you, to be the kindness you once feared did not exist in this world. Bruce didn’t know what exactly Gil had been through, but as a fellow merman, Bruce had an understanding. Especially after what he’d said now. Gil, Bruce knew, had chosen the second option. And in his time on land, so had Bruce.

He hugged Gil tightly. Bruce was certainly crying now.

“It is amazing,” Bruce agreed. “I’ll never forget you, Gil. I’ll tell everyone your story.” 

And he would, eventually. And over the years, it would be passed down. Gil, the kind shallow-water merman. And theories would arise about how he had lost his family, but Bruce, as he grew older, would always emphasize that it wasn’t the important part of the tale. It was what happened after.

He glanced toward the water. “I should go soon. Tide’s going out…” Bruce said. “Are you- you’ll be alright finding the car again?”

GIL: 

“I’ll be alright,” said Gil. The car wasn’t far. He knew the way back. 

He pressed his lips together in a small smile. 

The waves continued to beat against the shore, rhythmic and soothing. Gil wished he could walk to the water, feel it lap at his ankles, wade in till it consumed him whole. 

But that wouldn’t be a happy ending for him. Not the way it would be for Bruce. 

For years, when he thought about returning to the sea, all he sought was oblivion. But now, he looked at the waves and he felt hope.

It was strange. It wasn’t hope for himself. Or maybe it was. 

He looked back at Bruce.

“I’ll stay till you swim off,” he said. “Maybe a bit longer. In case you need to…” He cleared his throat. “In case you forget anything.” He patted Bruce’s upper arm. “Take care, my friend.” 

BRUCE

Bruce looked at Gil. His ghost of a smile, his eyes that were like weather. Once, Bruce had been a little afraid of him— afraid that he’d find out the things Bruce had done and cast him out. Now, he understood that fear had mostly been Bruce’s own reaction to hope. Meeting Gil, meeting another merman who’d lost his home, it was the first time since coming to land that Bruce thought someone might really understand him.

Of course, there were others now, Bruce knew, who understood him. One did not have to be a merman to understand feeling lonely or monstrous or separated from their home. But it still was different with Gil. And over time, their RAS-mandated check-ins had gone from a mandatory, nervous coffee meeting to the vulnerable, heart-to-heart conversations of dear friends. Slowly, Bruce had lost his fear of losing Gil.

But here he was, now. Losing Gil. 

Like he’d told Gil, though, he would never forget him. 

“You too, Gil,” Bruce replied. “Thank you. For everything.”

He gave Gil a nod, emptied his pockets of everything that he’d needed on land but had no use for under the sea. The borrowed phone. The forged ID. The punch card for Hatter’s, still two teacups short of a free drink. Everything that made him Bruce White. 

And then he turned around and walked toward the shore. He glanced once more over his shoulder, not because he had regrets, but because he wanted to take one last mental picture of the man waiting on the shore for him, there if he forgot anything. The merman knew the implication of his words. If he changed his mind.

He wouldn’t change his mind. But it was comforting to know he would always have someone out there, ready for him, if he needed.

The water reached his knees, then his waist. The merman dove under the waves, and the cool water around him felt like an embrace. 

[cinnarollslut]

[Outrunning a heartbreak I thought I was over. That feeling of betrayal lingers.

No feelings of wanting what was back; just the hurt of the loss of what could have been.

And now I seek that feeling of not feeling alone.]

Saw some old pictures that brought me back and I thought of how much I wasted on an ungrateful soul. I was so entranced back then.

And when you reached out to apologize I stood my ground. It took everything in me to stay true to how I felt. I don’t regret that for a second.

I don’t want you now and I don’t want you in my future. But in the past we shared that hope of a future together.

How foolish of me. But we were young and we’re both to blame for why it ended. Yet, closing that chapter with you was the most empowering thing I’ve done for myself. What we had became toxic, but I’ll always wish you well.

And here, now, I wonder what I’m doing with myself. Unsure of what I want or what I should do. The bittersweet feeling of moving forward.

So I tell myself I’m walking through this forest called life, trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be going. But I’m lost.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, I let myself fall. What have I fallen into? How do I get out? Is this all meant to happen or did I royally fuck it all up?

And sometimes I get that spark of a feeling I’ve felt before but in a new way. It terrifies me. Because I know all that is gained is lost.

[yoonia]

slow dancing ● chapter vi

➬ Title | Slow Dancing: a mini series

➬ Summary | When your countdown appeared on your wrist right on the morning of your eighteenth birthday, you had thought that perhaps the universe was on your side, especially since the final seconds were already ticking so soon. You just never expected to have your first meeting with your soulmate to be the day when you had to let him go. But hope was not lost when you still found love without the bond, and Jungkook showed you that it was possible to find happiness beyond the system that was written for you. Except that the universe doesn’t seem to have enough of its game, when your past sacrifice comes back hitting you straight in the face, just when you had believed that you had written off the perfect ending to your bittersweet tale.

↳ Pairings | Jungkook x reader / Namjoon x reader

↳ Genre | Soulmate!au, Second Chances!au, Angst, Eventual Smut

➥ Ratings & Warnings | +18 / M for Mature; includes smut, explicit sexual scene, unprotected sex, vanilla sex, missionary, begging, implied rough sex, emotional sex

➥ Word count | 9,2k words

➥ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Chapter List | Next Chapter ⇢

➥ Masterlist

chapter vi. falling from clouds

You had almost forgotten what winter is like in Seoul.

The picturesque scenery that welcomes you each time you step out of your new home every day makes you feel like you are walking through the winter wonderland. The thick blanket of snow that covers most of the grounds, the icy road and crystallised ponds, the frozen trees that often look as if they had been painted straight onto the world around you. And then later, once the sunset falls on the city sky, all the pretty lights from the holiday season decorations would come alight, sparkling golden stars hanging from the trees, the buildings, and on either side of the road to send you to a more dreamlike moment which fills your heart with joy.

This becomes the reason why you have always enjoyed taking a walk outside after a long day. Just like now, as you are walking down the neighbourhood near your sister’s apartment, enjoying the serene moment you have after spending hours of working indoors at your new workplace.

Walking past the neighbourhood park, you tighten your coat and look up to the sky, welcoming the snowfall that has just started to trickle down from the sky. All around you, people are doing the exact same thing you do, looking up and raising their hands to welcome the snowfall. Giggles and laughters fill the space around you and you cannot help but smile, joining them in their delightful mood.

You pull your hands out of your pockets to do the same and try to touch the falling snow, only to be able to keep them up for a while before they get too cold. Clutching your hands together to find warmth, your right hand finding your left and your fingers grazing over your engagement ring, your heart begins to palpitate and shrink in your chest at the same time as you are plummeting back into the reality of your present life.

It seems like yesterday, but weeks have passed ever since the surprise welcome party at Bovine where you accepted Jungkook’s proposal in front of your families and friends. A lot of things have also happened since then. The surprise engagement had been followed by the delightful surprise of getting an additional family member when your sister gave birth merely days later. And then you were blessed by getting a new job which had taken a lot of your time during the same time Jungkook is starting his new project. After gaining some loyal followers and positive reviews on his first single, Jungkook has been given a chance to release new music to release after the New Year, and he has been working hard on it while supporting you with your new job.

As you look up to see the first golden lights coming to light around you to light up the rest of your path, you realise that you should be relishing life at the moment, basking in the joy of the new future that holds nothing more but true hope and happiness. But some things are just hard to forget no matter how much you try. Each time you look at your ring and remember the blissful feeling you had when Jungkook had popped the important question which was going to change your lives around, you would also be reminded of the moment you were met with a piece of your past that you had once believed that you would never cross path with again.

His face had only been in your memories, aside from the pictures you have seen of him from the media, so seeing him there made you feel as if you were doused with a bucket of iced water, as if you were plunged into a nightmare before you had a chance to wake up from your blissful dream. To this day, that moment would only send a crippling chill along your spine, tainting the beautiful memory of that night by reminding you that you may have been building your life out of false hope. That you may have made the biggest mistake of your life for believing that you would be strong enough to defy fate.

Shaking your frozen hands from the cold, you also shake the thoughts away from your head. Taking another glance at your engagement ring, a smile comes to you as Jungkook’s face comes to your mind, enough to relieve the uneasiness in your chest for a while as you continue your walk towards your sister’s home.

Fate can throw any curve ball your way as much as they like. Even if your life had truly been built on nothing but false hope, you know for sure that there is nothing false or fake from what you feel inside. That Jungkook will always be the reason for your heart to continue thrumming steadily the way it has always been, and you will never allow anything in this world to ever change that.

Not even fate.

Arriving at your sister’s floor, you pause for a moment right in front of her door to shake off the snow that had been plastered all over your hair, coat, and shoes, before entering her apartment. You try to enter quietly, worried that you would wake the baby in case she is asleep. Much to your relief, you can hear the baby’s voice giggling at the mother’s cooing voice the moment you walk through the door, drawing a smile to your face as you picture the mother and daughter playing together.

“I’m here!” you call out to your sister while kicking off your snow-covered shoes and slipping into the usual house slippers you would often wear when you are staying in this place. You put your coat away, hanging it next to Gahee’s clean coat that hasn’t been worn since she has been spending most of her time at home with her new baby.

“Living room,” she answers you, sounding relieved to hear your voice while her baby laughs as if she had been telling her something funny.

It has been a few days since Christmas, with both the Christmas dinner and the morning family gathering held here at Gahee’s apartment since she couldn’t travel out of town with the baby. While most of your parents’ things are gone now since they had both gone home, you still find the rest of the decorations still hanging in the foyer and all the way down to the living room, where you find your sister sitting back on the sofa with her baby in her arms. At the corner of the room, the Christmas tree is still standing tall with none of its lights turned on. It had been your brother-in-law’s idea—ever the sentimental one—to keep it up to make the baby happy.

“Look who’s here, Gyeoul-ie. It’s auntie ______,” your sister coos at her baby while welcoming you with a smile as you walk over to them.

Ever since you started working on the new job, which happened not too long after the baby has arrived, this has been your daily routine. During the holiday season, your brother-in-law’s jewellery store opens until late at night, forcing Gahee to care for the baby on her own until he returns. With the goodness of your heart, and mostly because you have been having a terrible baby fever since the moment your eyes fell on the little bugger, you have offered to lend a hand after working hours until Jungkook would come to pick you up when he returns from work.

Sitting next to the pair, you watch them with a fond smile. Your sister may have entered motherhood completely stress-free, with no post-labour medical complaints or any mental problems following her home from the hospital, and she is blessed with an angel of a baby which doesn’t give too much trouble for both her and her husband to deal with since day one, but you have always enjoyed helping out when you can. Even if the only thing you can give her is some personal time for herself while you take the baby out of her hands.

“And how is our winter baby doing?” you coo at the smiley baby as you lean down to look at her, making your sister laugh. She always does it when you call the baby with that name instead of her actual name, Gyeoul. The name that always makes everyone gush over whenever they figure out the meaning behind it while making both you and Jungkook proud.

It was you and Jungkook who named her, after all. Born at the coldest night of winter and right at the busiest week where your family had been preparing for Christmas, it had seemed only fitting to give the little angel the special title to represent the winter season.

Gyeoul, which means winter.

“She was a bit fussy after her nap, but I think she had already sensed her aunt coming cause she only started to calm down a little just when you were about to get in,” Gahee answers you while fixing the blanket she has wrapped around the baby. “Would you hold her for a minute while I make us some tea?” she asks you, before pausing to look at your face and grimace. “Or coffee, maybe?”

You grin at her in return. Your sister knows you all too well. “Yes, some coffee would be nice. You totally read my mind,” you say to her before taking Gyeoul in your arms so Gahee can slip away to the kitchen.

“Hello there, you pretty little thing.”

Always an angel, the baby doesn’t show any bit of surprise at the exchange of adults handling her. The moment you start cooing at her, Gyeoul only laughs and giggles and starts playing with your fingers when you offer them to her.

“How was work?” Gahee calls out from the kitchen as she waits for the water to boil. This is another perk of coming to your sister after work, where you can always talk about anything happening at work and vent about your problems whenever you need to. You enjoy doing it just the same with Jungkook once you are home, but it has been a long time since you have had any chance to bond with your sister. Things have changed a lot since she had gotten married and while you were away, and you had felt a certain need to catch up and make up all the time that you missed.

“It’s been going fine,” you tell her with a chuckle as you add, “It’s not New York, that’s for sure.” Leaning back on the couch, you put a cushion on your lap for the baby to lay on so you can rest your back for a moment. “I’m just glad that since I’m still new, they haven’t really given me too much workload to handle. Not sure what happens after the New Year, though, once new projects for next year start rolling in.”

“You’ll do fine. They must have figured that you can handle everything when they gave you the job. It’s not often that I hear about companies accepting newbies at this time of the year,” your sister says with a proud smile, though deep down, you still believe that it was pure luck that the production house you had sent in your work proposal to had called you immediately to offer the job right before Christmas. Even so, it would be the kind of luck that you wouldn’t take for granted, realising that this is a huge opportunity nobody would want to miss.

“Jungkook seems to be busy too,” Gahee says as she finally returns with a tray of coffee and tea, adding a plate of homemade cookies on the side just for you. “He called to check in if you’ve arrived. That was about half an hour ago. Is your phone off again?”

Gasping, you quickly reach into your pocket with your free hand while you keep the other keeping Gyeoul safe on your hold. “Oh, right. I forgot to charge it,” you exclaim as you pull your phone out. Sure enough, the ancient thing is showing you its blank screen.

“You need to throw that phone away,” Gahee says while clicking on her tongue to tease you, though she still takes the phone away so she could plug it into the spare charger that you had left here for this exact moment.

“I will. As soon as I get my first pay and buy a new one.”

“Didn’t Jungkook offer to get you a new one?” your sister asks you as she takes her baby back, telling you to drink your coffee first so you can relax.

“He did, but I can’t accept it,” you tell her while sipping on your hot coffee, humming as the warm liquid calms you down. You think about Jungkook just as you mention him, smiling when you remember the day he took you to the nearest store so he could get you a new phone and how he pouted for the rest of the day after you pulled him out of there, refusing his offer and insisting to wait until you could save more money. “He’s taken care of everything for me already and I can’t trouble him too much when he’s also just starting his new career, you know?”

“But he loves taking care of you,” Gahee says with a chuckle, which you wholeheartedly agree with.

“He seems to enjoy working in that new company, though. Youngjae said he’d noticed how happy Jungkook seems lately. You know that those two had been spending time together a lot more ever since Youngjae helped him with your ring, right?” Gahee asks you while cooing at her baby, not noticing your stricken face when she suddenly talks about Jungkook’s workplace. The two of you don’t talk much about Jungkook’s work as Gyeoul had always taken a huge part of your conversation before, so you weren’t prepared for things to turn this way around. And you are surely not prepared for it when Gahee suddenly asks you, “The man who came at the party that night—he’s the friend that Jungkook told us about, right? The one who got him the deal with the company?”

Your voice comes out small when you answer her, “Yeah, that was him.” You quickly reach out to put your drink on the table just as your hand starts shaking, afraid that you might drop it. Which is fortunate that you have made it just in time for Gahee to ask,

“Youngjae said that he’s pretty well known. What was his name again, Kim Namjoon?”

You fall silent just as Gahee mentions his name, and you can suddenly see that night all over again as if it had just happened yesterday.

The tightness in your chest mirrors what you had felt that night, when the air shifted at the very moment he stepped into your peripheral vision, disrupting the daze that you were in. Although you have realised it for some time now that you had felt his presence before Jungkook pulled you to introduce the two of you, making it hard for you to lap up all the love and attention that you were getting from your family and friends or the joy of accepting Jungkook’s proposal even before he made his presence known.

You should have known that he would be the same person that Jungkook had been talking about. Perhaps, deep down, you had expected it to happen. That somehow, one day, your lives would collide once again as the past slowly catches up to you. Jungkook may have never talked about Namjoon in the past, since the man had already left campus and all the two of you had focused on was creating and building the life you had together.

Stunned with the lack of ability to comprehend the situation unfolding before you, there was nothing you could do to avoid it when Namjoon and his date were invited to sit at your table. You remember vaguely how Jungkook kept telling you everything about Namjoon—how he had helped him with the new job, how the man had provided him with tons of new opportunities which he was, and is currently still, more than grateful of. But what had you completely speechless and dumbfounded was when Jungkook and Namjoon’s date had told you about how the man had helped make the surprise party possible to happen.

Oh, the irony.

During the entire ordeal, Namjoon had nothing much to say other than confirm everything that Jungkook was telling you about, appearing almost as speechless as you were, while there was nothing that you could do but to listen as you were sitting right in front of him with the secret of your bond hidden underneath your sleeves, using the silence to hide the fact that both your wrist and your heart had been thrumming so intensely the closer he was to you.

“______?” you hear your sister’s voice calling you gently, snapping you out of it. “Is everything okay?”

“Um, what—?” you blink your eyes, hoping that you can hide the emotions going through you when you look at her. But it is clear the moment you meet her gaze that she had caught on.

“What is it?” she asks. “You spaced out there for a bit. Where did your mind fly off to?”

“It’s nothing,” you answer with a shrug while chuckling nervously. “I’m fine. Just a bit tired, maybe.”

For a brief moment, your sister says nothing. But her silence and the way she looks at you are showing you just how hard she has the gears inside her head running. “You know, I’ve been thinking—” she finally starts, “You seem so out of it lately. At first, I thought that maybe you are still having trouble adjusting with everything since you have massive changes happening right when you had just gotten back.” She looks away briefly to fix Gyeoul’s position in her arms to get her baby comfortable, though you see the act as something else entirely when you can still feel like you are being scrutinised.

Suddenly, you feel empty, and you begin to wish that you have the baby in your arms instead so you could use her as a shield. And you know that you are right the moment Gahee looks up to say, “But you’re supposed to be happy and be all dreamy after getting engaged, so I think there’s more—”

“What are you talking about?” you question her when she stops talking, sounding unsure about it, even if you are already feeling exposed. Feeling restless, you leave your seat and walk over to the Christmas tree, looking closely at the ornaments still hanging on the branches to avoid looking at your sister.

“I’m talking about you,” she says, still talking with a patient and gentle tone of voice that she has always used when she wants you to open up. She has probably noticed by now that you are deliberately avoiding her, but you know your sister all too well to know that she isn’t giving up. “I have to be honest with you,” she adds, forcing you to turn to her. “I’ve noticed you’ve been acting weird, always spacing off, acting like everything is peachy even when it’s quite obvious that something is bothering you. Why do you think I’ve been asking you to come here so we can chat? Or why Jungkook has been constantly worrying about you?”

Shrugging flippantly in a way to shake the uneasiness you are feeling, you exhale a deep sigh and try to feign innocence by saying, “I don’t know. Why, then?”

As if sensing the tension rising in the room, Gyeoul has stopped cooing and giggling that Gahee stops for a moment to make her smile. Using a sickly sweet voice, she then continues the conversation to pry some truth out of you. “Something happened that night. Everyone else in the room may have missed it, since everyone was so busy celebrating. But I know you, and I noticed it when the table where you were at grew tense the moment Jungkook’s friend joined you for the rest of the dinner.”

Once again, you are brought back to that night, and you can see yourself through your older sister’s eyes—how you struggled to hold yourself together as you were sat down between your soulmate and the man that you had promised your entire life and your future with. “Who is he, ______? Why did his arrival bother you so much? And why have you been acting all jumpy and tense ever since that day?”

You roll your eyes. “He’s Jungkook’s friend, his senior on campus who helped him with the company. You know the story.”

“Do I?” Your sister stops talking and narrows her eyes on you, as if she is trying to get inside your head. It doesn’t take much for her to know what is actually bothering you, and she isn’t someone who would easily fall on your bullshit to hold herself back from calling you out. Then her gaze falls on your sweater, specifically on the long sleeves covering your wrists, and her gaze softens with a knowing look appearing on her face.

“He’s your soulmate,” Gahee says with a soft voice, as if someone outside of her apartment would be able to hear what she is saying if she had been talking a bit louder. As if baby Gyeoul can understand everything that her mother is talking about—you can honestly never tell what is going on inside that baby’s mind as she looks up at you with her round eyes and giggly smile.

You suck a deep breath, not sure how to respond. At first, you open your mouth to try and deny it. Your brain starts working hard to think of some lies to tell her so she would get over it and move on. But then you smile at her anyway and take the seat right beside her with your shoulders slumped forward and your chest heavy with defeat.

“I’m not very good at hiding things, am I?”

Gahee shrugs. “It’s not really hard to connect the dots. It has been a long time, but I’ve seen the initials on your wrist more than once before. Then I remembered his name just when I was trying to figure out what the hell is going on with you,” she finally admits to you, while you drop your head forward onto your hands with shame. Embarrassed to the fact that you had even thought of denying it when it was obvious that Gahee had figured everything out.

But, at the same time, you also feel relieved. Having the secret out somehow helps lower the weight on your shoulder a little.

Just a little.

But at least now you have someone to talk about it with instead of having it bottled up inside.

“And, to be honest, I was appreciating his handsome looks that night that I became a bit nosy,” Gahee shamelessly adds, while looking far away as she thinks back about that night. “I think that was when I caught the glimpse of red on his wrist. Kind of hard not to see it when he was pulling on his sleeves while he was talking to Jungkook, like he was hiding it or he wasn’t used to have it on display. I also noticed how tense he became whenever you started talking, so I figured he must have had something to do with you being all weird.”

Her confession has you scoffing with amusement. “Only you would admit admiring another man while her husband was sitting right next to her.”

Laughing at your teasing dig, Gahee nudges her elbow against your side to playfully push you away. “Hey, I got married and became pregnant. Doesn’t mean that I turned blind or dumb just because of it.”

You cannot help but join her laughing, and you realise just how much you had needed to let all of this out. Gahee says nothing for a moment, giving you a moment to breathe before clearing her throat. “I also noticed—that you paused for a moment when Jungkook proposed to you. I thought you were just in shock,” she says with a small voice, more like thinking out loud, though she then turns to you with a worried look. “You felt the pull, didn’t you?”

Groaning, you slump further into your seat and let your head loll back against the backrest. “Seriously? Did nothing slip past you?”

“Hey, I am a very attentive person. And I know my baby sister more than anyone,” Gahee defends herself, making you shake your head.

“Yeah—You’re right. I felt it,” you finally admit after sighing deeply. You keep your eyes looking absently up the ceiling as you recall the event that night. “But I—I don’t know. It’s there, faint but still exists the way you and Mom and Dad had warned me in the past. But it still doesn’t make me want to run to him.”

“Is it really because the pull isn’t strong enough, or that you feel guilty for Jungkook?” Gahee asks, still prying to know more, much to your annoyance. Yet you cannot really blame her for asking about all of this, when you have kept it all to yourself for a while. “Does Jungkook know? Did he ever figure out that Namjoon, his own senior, was the soulmate that you had lost when you met him?”

You shake your head. “No, I haven’t told him yet. And we never thought about ever discussing it before. Mostly it’s because Jungkook had always refused to talk about it. We didn’t even expect to go this far down the road when we started seeing each other, so I guess it just slipped our mind to ever bring up about who my soulmate truly was,” you defeatedly claim, then turn to look at her. “You know that this doesn’t mean that I’ll be choosing him over Jungkook, right?”

Gahee gives you a small smile. “I never said you would,” she says. “But is that what you’ve been thinking? Is that the reason why you kept looking like you were about to explode?”

Frowning, you contemplate for a moment just how much you want to admit to your sister. But she had known your secrets so far, and she had only listened without giving you any judgement. Straightening up, you finally let her know what it is that has been bothering you. “I’ve witnessed what the soulmate bond can do to people. In fact, I’ve felt it too. I felt it the first time I saw him years ago at that frat house, and I felt it that night when I saw him at the party.”

Gahee nods. She thinks deeply for a moment while playing with her baby’s fingers. “Have you met him again after the party? Has he been there when you visit Jungkook at his studio?”

“No, we haven’t met again. He’s never there when I visit—” you admit with a grim smile, before adding, “And I might have deliberately waited until he went out of town before I started visiting Jungkook at his workplace.”

Your sister narrows her eyes on you. “You’ve been avoiding him.”

“Obviously,” you quickly confess while rolling your eyes.

“But for how long?” Gahee asks you with her brows raised. “He works with your fiancé. And Jungkook looks up to him a lot. You can’t avoid him forever.”

Another groan leaves your lips. “I know. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Gahee reaches out to tip your chin so you can look at her when she asks you the most important question that you have been avoiding the most, “If you truly believe that the love you have for Jungkook is strong enough, then why would you keep running?”

You only grow silent. Because you haven’t been running. At least, not deliberately. And yet you still have no right answer to give to your sister when you are not entirely sure what exactly you have been doing at all, if not avoiding a chance to face reality.

“Knock, knock.”

Jungkook has been so deep in his process of creating a guide track that the foreign sound which seems completely out of place and has randomly slipped between the beat breaks nearly jolts him off of his seat. Pressing the pause button and pulling off his headphones, Jungkook turns on his chair to look at the door, finding Namjoon leaning in the doorway while smirking at him.

“Oh, you’re here!” Jungkook exclaims excitedly as he jumps up to his feet. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you coming in.”

Namjoon pushes off against the doorway and steps into the studio, shutting the door behind him to block all the noises from outside. “I tried to be subtle so I wouldn’t interrupt you when you’re working,” he says with a shrug. “Sorry for surprising you.”

Jungkook quickly waves him off. “No, it’s all good. Come in. Take a seat.”

Taking the extra seat next to his friend, Namjoon looks over to the monitor screen where Jungkook’s latest composition is shown. “So—how are your new tracks progressing so far?”

“Slow, but I think I have a few materials that I can show you soon,” Jungkook shyly answers him while rubbing the back of his head. He turns just as Namjoon is getting comfortable in his seat. It has been a while for the two of them to have some time to hang out together like this and Jungkook has to admit that it makes him feel good to see his friend again.

Right after the engagement party, Namjoon had suddenly become busy with piles of work while Jungkook had been busy helping you settle in at the apartment and finding ideas for his music at the same time. Then, a few days later, before Jungkook ever had the chance to see Namjoon in person, the man had already left on a business trip which later turned into a short vacation when he went to spend Christmas with his family.

For some reason, having Namjoon around helps settle Jungkook’s wariness about his work a little, knowing that he would have someone to share his thoughts and ideas and ask some advice from which may help him. Not that his other colleague hadn’t provided him with much help at all. It doesn’t matter if Namjoon had set up a whole team to help Jungkook with his music, it just feels more reassuring when Jungkook shares these things with someone who he is more familiar with. Having known Namjoon for years, Jungkook feels like he can rely on him much better. Even the years that had past while they lost contact with each other didn’t matter much when they just easily reconnected the moment they met each other again, giving Jungkook more faith in his friend as they are working together.

“When did you get back from your trip?” Jungkook asks Namjoon, trying to make a conversation while he tweaks his devices to pull up and save the latest composition which he has been working on.

Namjoon hums as he seems to calculate the days he had spent back in Seoul. “The day before yesterday. But I decided to stay home for an extra day and get some needed rest,” he says, not looking towards Jungkook but somewhere far in the distance instead. As if he is lost inside his head for a moment.

In this silence, Jungkook keeps his gaze on his friend to take a good look at him. For the first time in his life, Jungkook finds himself looking at Namjoon in a new light. For years, he had looked up to his friend and senior so much that the man had always seemed so bright in his eyes, so full of confidence and hope that Jungkook had always aimed to be just as inspiring as Namjoon has ever been. But as the man sits there beside him with his unfocused eyes looking anywhere but him, Namjoon only seems hollow, as if there is something about him that is amiss, imperfect, incomplete.

Before Jungkook can find any explanation as to why his friend would be looking so lost, the look on Namjoon’s face is suddenly gone with a blink and is quickly masked with a smile when he adds, “I never knew I needed that little break. I’ve been on the move for so long that I didn’t realise how much I needed to have some time where I could focus completely on myself.”

Shaking the questions lingering inside his head, Jungkook returns his smile. “I’m glad to know that you managed to take a break. You’ve always been so busy,” Jungkook says, nodding while looking awfully thoughtful for a brief moment. “I haven’t had a chance to fully thank you again—you know, with everything you’ve done. For this—” he says, waving his hand at his computer, “Not only have you given me the chance to work on my music more seriously, you’ve also given me the new project, and then you even helped me out with the party.”

Jungkook breathes a long sigh before he continues, “You didn’t even have to get yourself involved in my personal matter, but you did anyway. Things got so hectic right away after that week and then you went out on your trip that I never got the chance to talk to you privately about it.”

Scoffing lightly, Namjoon only shakes his head and waves it off. “Please, I told you that it’s no big deal. I always love to help when I can,” he says, still keeping the smile on his face that doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. A beat of silence falls once again, as if a random thought comes across Namjoon’s mind, before he straightens up and nods his chin towards Jungkook’s computer, changing the topic as he focuses on Jungkook’s work. “Show me what you have so far.”

Hoping to help brighten his friend’s mood and give a positive distraction to whatever it is that seems to be bothering Namjoon’s thoughts at the moment, Jungkook quickly switches into his productive mode, showing off the unfinished and still completely raw tracks that he had been working on while Namjoon had been away. The pride brewing inside Jungkook’s chest comes stronger as praises after praises come out of Namjoon, then he feels even more accomplished as he watches how his friend’s eyes grow brighter as he becomes more interested and more invested in helping him finish these tracks, throwing ideas here and there and sharing some helpful input to fill in wherever Jungkook has been having trouble in.

Time slips past them once they get too deep into working and neither makes any decision to stop until many hours later, when their heads begin spinning and hunger sinks in on both of them. They take their needed break by enjoying the snacks and simple meal that Namjoon had delivered to them before they would go on their way to end their day. The conversation they share between each bite of their food is filled with talks about work, music, and some of the things that Jungkook is still learning about the company and most specifically this studio he has been working at.

“So, are you going to stay late to work here tonight?” Namjoon asks him after their conversation grows idle nearing the end of their mealtime, and Jungkook quickly shakes his head.

“I promised my girl—I mean, fiancé, that I would pick her up at her sister’s place. She also mentioned that her sister is cooking dinner for us tonight so we could spend some time together and unwind at her place,” Jungkook pauses for a moment and laughs. “Maybe I shouldn’t eat too much of this tteok-bokki if I don’t want to get too full before having the actual dinner.”

Jungkook has his head shaking while chuckling to himself, missing out on how Namjoon flinches as he hears Jungkook mentioning about seeing you tonight. He has been avoiding the topic of the engagement party, not wanting to hear anything that Jungkook has to say about you. But now that the bridge is crossed, curiosity comes pricking on Namjoon’s mind, making his skin bristle with anxiety, the thought of you and the memory of that night are finally occupying his head again the way they have been ever since the engagement party and for the most time he spent away to gather himself and clear his mind.

Clearing his throat, Namjoon forces a stiff smile to his face and tries to act calm when he starts another conversation, steering things onto the more personal stuff this time when he can no longer fight against his own curiosity. “I realise now that I’ve never got a chance to ask since we both had gotten too busy. How’s everything going now after you got engaged? You guys live together, right?” Namjoon stops for a moment, trying to understand the rush of emotions that he is suddenly feeling when he tries to know more about you and Jungkook—the sadness, jealousy, anger, all mixed into one—while trying to rein in his curiosity before it gets too much that he would end up revealing himself too soon.

It is already so overwhelming, this sudden interest he has in Jungkook’s love life that he shares with you, when Namjoon had never been so interested or too curious to know anything about it at all before.

But perhaps finding out that the person your friend is engaged to is none other than your soulmate would be enough to change you as much, Namjoon thinks to himself, cursing inwardly at the irony of the circumstances he finds himself in.

To his absolute disdain, he looks up only to see Jungkook beaming with bliss when the boy is obviously thinking about you. And Namjoon is quite surprised when he feels an unfamiliar pang in his chest from seeing it.

“Yeah, she moved in right the moment she got back. We’ve been pretty busy with her settling in, unpacking and decorating the place to make things comfortable for her since I didn’t exactly do much to tidy the place up when I first moved in,” Jungkook begins to share, oblivious to the emotions he is stirring inside his friend’s chest. “Things are going—” Jungkook sighs, still wearing a dreamy look on his face when he continues, “Great. Really great. Though I think things are only slowly sinking in that we’re actually engaged and that things seem to be moving really quickly that we haven’t figured out what’s our next move would be.”

Namjoon merely nods as he has nothing to add or say to comment on Jungkook’s reply, though he absently lifts a hand to his chest when the twinge he keeps feeling around his heart and ribs seems to twist deeper. “I remember that you said—” he tries to speak, struggling not to choke on his words when he is starting to have trouble breathing. “About your situation with your fiancé. I don’t recall you ever telling me exactly how the two of you actually met, only that you came across after losing both your soulmates. When did it happen? You said it was back in college?”

Jungkook lifts his hand to mess with his hair and rubs the back of his head, the odd habit that he has when he is flustered or embarrassed about something. Yet he still wears the same smile on his face as he thinks back about the memory of how he first met you, the smile which is filled with gratitude and fondness.

The smile which draws the knife in Namjoon’s heart to bury itself deeper.

“I have to be honest with you and say that pretty much a lot of the part from that night was a blur. At the very least, everything that happened until the moment I stumbled upon her at our frat house,” Jungkook finally reveals with a soft voice, while Namjoon feels an invisible fist punching at his chest.

“Our—frat house?”

“Oh, right. I didn’t tell you this part,” Jungkook nervously says with a shy chuckle. “Our house was having a party that night. I can’t remember what it was for, but it was way more crowded than it used to. Things got so busy that I don’t remember ever seeing you, but I think it was right before your graduation day,” Jungkook continues to tell his story while Namjoon continues to feel sick in the stomach. “Anyway, she was supposed to meet her soulmate that night, according to her timer. Which she eventually did. But just like what I had told you before, all she got from him was the words of rejection.”

Namjoon’s head is spinning, but he forces himself to continue to listen no matter how painful his chest feels.

“She was drunk when she bumped into me. And that’s when I felt it. I was—for the lack of a better word—drawn to her like a moth to a flame,” Jungkook admits with a pair of glassy eyes looking far away into the past. “I didn’t want to leave her side all night. I didn’t want to leave her alone and all I wanted to do was to keep her safe. I didn’t let her drink away her pain any longer after the moment I realised that she was hurting and had kept her dancing with me so she would start to sober up.”

Jungkook pauses, smiling to himself before adding, “When I woke up the next morning with her in my arm, I just knew. I knew. She was the one. It doesn’t matter what the universe had written for us, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to love her for as long as she would let me or for as long as life allows us to be together.”

Namjoon cannot take it anymore. Things suddenly begin to fall into place and he is starting to understand what had actually happened. He finally understands why Fate seems to be twisting his path and why he feels like the joke of the universe. He tries to remember ever seeing you at the night of that party—the party where he had gotten drunk enough to spill out those words to his best friend, spouting nonsense as he rejected the notion given by the universe for him to meet you—but he has no recollection ever seeing your face at all.

But the same cannot be said on your part, when it is obvious that the ’rejection’ he had rambled on had eventually reached you, that it had broken your heart, and by proxy, pushed you into Jungkook’s arms at the very same night.

Trying to control his breath and to get himself together before he would crumble in front of Jungkook, avoiding the need to explain himself without pulling his friend out of his blissful stage, Namjoon lifts his left hand and brushes his fingers through his hair. Closing his eyes, he tries to focus on his breathing—breathe in, breathe out—while pushing the thoughts out of his head and stopping himself from trying to analyse everything at that very moment so he can get a grip. He does so until he calms down, just in time for his friend to snap out of his reverie and for him to straighten up from his slump.

Jungkook looks up just then, catching the tail end of the pull on Namjoon’s sleeve and capturing a glimpse of red petals peeking from underneath its hem. A breath is caught in Jungkook’s throat. He may not be able to have a clear sight of it, not enough to confirm that the red is actually a part of a bigger image or what kind of image it represents, but he knows enough that it is a certain flower tattoo. The kind of tattoo that had once been absent from Namjoon’s wrist.

“Namjoon—bro,” Jungkook absently calls out his friend. “Is that a flower tattoo I’m seeing? Or did you give yourself a massive tattoo on your skin for some reason while you were off on vacation?”

Namjoon’s eyes grow wide, then an incredulous laugh slips out of him. “You think I’d give myself a tattoo just for the fun of it?” he jokingly asks, though he suddenly thinks about it for a moment and says, “I probably should’ve thought of that. But no, this is—I didn’t give myself this thing.”

It takes a moment for his answer to sink in, but Jungkook nearly jumps out of his seat when it finally dawns on him. “You met your soulmate!” he cheerfully states. “When did this happen? How did I not know anything about this?” he rambles on every single question that comes to mind, before a sudden realisation comes to his mind. “Wait—is that why you took the break?”

Namjoon presses his lips together, trying to decide just how much he is going to share. “Actually, it was the night of your proposal—” he absently let it slip, before he quickly jumps to answer, “You’re right, it’s partly the reason why I decided to take a break, but not for the reason you might be thinking right now.”

Jungkook frowns. “Then—what happened?”

With a sigh, Namjoon only shakes his head. “It wasn’t meant to be. I should have expected it,” is all that Namjoon can say without revealing too much, not entirely sure if it would be alright to say anything more when it clears that you haven’t said a thing to the boy. “I decided to take some time off so I could be alone with my thoughts, accept fate, maybe reflect on myself before I can move on.”

Jungkook only falls silent as he simply cannot understand it, but he decides to stop questioning it. He had felt it odd for a moment that Namjoon suddenly has a spark of interest about his situation with you, but after hearing what had happened between Namjoon and his soulmate, he figures that his friend might have needed someone else’s experience to compare with so he can find some hope in his darkest time of life.

There is something about this new revelation that makes Jungkook feel uncomfortable deep down, but he brushes the feelings off, noting to himself that maybe this would be the right time for him to return the favour and help his friend to move on. The same way he did back then when he had to face what the universe had put him through.

“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll be here to listen,” Jungkook offers Namjoon, drawing his attention. “I might not be able to completely understand what you’re dealing with or how you’re feeling right now, and I might not be able to help make things better. But I can be a friend who can listen and give a shoulder to hold onto if you ever need one.”

Namjoon lifts his head, surprised at what Jungkook is offering him. But he puts a smile on his face anyway and nods.

Oh, the fucking irony of it all.

The bed rocks underneath your weight, almost as intensely as you have been feeling your entire world rocking out of balance. The only difference is that right at this moment, the motions are only stealing your uneasiness away, replacing it with bliss instead of making you feel as if you are about to crumble into broken pieces.

Jungkook leans more onto you, pushing his cock deeper as he thrusts his hips, burying himself inside your warmth as he continues to make love to you, as he embraces you with his love and the steady pace of his thrusts.

Making love to Jungkook has always managed to strengthen the bond between you, to make you feel just how real the love you share with each other truly is. You can feel his emotions, to feel the steady beat of the heart that he carries in his sleeves, and to join him with your own beating heart as he moves his hands down your body, touching everywhere that counts.

His lips roll against yours to drown out the sound of your moans as he continues to pound his cock steadily against the depth of your cunt, pushing against the spots that would be enough to make you feel bliss, to draw your cries of pleasure, and to send you over to the tremors of your climax.

And then he unlatches his kiss, only to press his lips down the column of your throat. His soft grunts fall onto your skin with each thrust he gives you, his voice grows deeper as he increases his rapid pace, thrusting faster and deeper until you can feel the first tremors of your orgasm rising, building up to its peak, then your feel his hand gently moving down your arm, brushing gently until he captures your hand in his and entwines your fingers together in a claiming hold.

As he tightens his grip on your hand, your whole body reacts with a subtle flinch. Your entire skin jumps upon contact to a shiver. Jungkook may have missed it as he continues to roll his hips, sliding his cock in and out of you with a slight tremble in his breath, but it draws your body to grow still beneath him while your mind wanders off into nothingness, taking away the blissful pleasure Jungkook has been giving you.

But this is Jungkook. Ever so aware of your moods, Jungkook pulls back and looks closely at your face when he feels you withdrawing from him.

“What’s the matter, baby? You seem so far away,” Jungkook whispers against your lips, drawing your attention back to him and you blink your glossy eyes to focus on his face.

“It’s nothing. Perhaps I’m just tired. I didn’t get a chance to rest before I had to watch baby Gyeoul,” the lie simply slips out of your lips, and Jungkook’s thrusts begin to slow down, almost coming to a halt.

“She’s lucky to have her aunt keeping her company,” he absently whispers, “Do you think—”

“What?”

When Jungkook shakes his head, his movements have come to halt, and both his hips and yours simply become still while remaining in your union. “Nothing. Just thinking,” he says, sighing deeply as he looks into your eyes. “Do you want to have some rest? I don’t want to force you into anything if you’re too tired.”

His offer surprises you just as much as it pinches at your chest. You look up to him, barely hiding the guilt that you feel for suddenly feeling detached. You blame it at yourself for keeping a secret as big as this, as the guilt is beginning to claw at your heart from within. You blame it at your sister for bringing it up the past two nights that you had spent at her home, to have her questioning you over and over again, “Have you not told Jungkook about this yet? If you haven’t then, when?”

You swallow thickly as you remember answering your sister with, “Not yet. I’m not ready. I need to be ready.”

But to each time you are reminded that you have a big secret to hold and to share with your lover, you are also reminded of your sister’s warning, “Then do it soon, before it’s too late.”

Blinking these memories away, you consider for a moment to just spill it out. But the glint of hope in Jungkook’s eyes quickly changes your mind, and you promise yourself, ‘Soon,’ as you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him back down to you so you can press your lips on his. “I’m fine. I missed you so much. I don’t want to stop now.”

“Are you sure? We could—”

“No, please don’t stop,” you whisper against his lips, cutting him off with a kiss. Any hesitance that he may have had disappears instantly as he is caught in the kiss that only grows deeper, and deeper, more desperate as you seek clarity by having him breathe away all these thoughts about your soulmate. The very same soulmate who had once twisted your life around only to return just when you had thought you had your entire life and future figured out, sending everything into a downward spiral with little to no chance for you to hold your ground.

“Keep making love to me, Jungkook,” you breathe out to him as you begin to push your hips upward, beckoning him to continue moving.

Keep touching me so I can feel you.

Your words seem to send him into a trance, and he begins to roll his hips, moving in and out of you slowly and steadily until he finally finds his rhythm once again. With a grunt, he finds his peace inside you, quickly setting the rush of pleasure in both of your bodies to come back alive.

A gasp slips out of your mouth as he pushes his cock deeper, rousing the jolt of pleasure that knocks the air out of your chest. “I need you so bad, Jungkook,” you plead out for him as you run your hands down his spine, finding a gentle hold on the globes of his ass, his firm muscles contracting against your palms as he begins to thrust faster.

Help me erase this feeling and make me feel only you.

“Fuck me harder,” you beg him, crying out louder when he increases his pace, growing faster just as he pushes harder, sending the whole bed rocking beneath you together with your moving bodies.

Make love to me. Make me believe again.

A sharp cry comes out of his lips just as his body trembles against you, warning you with the first signs of his orgasm rolling in. “I love you, baby,” he says to you between the pleasured groans coming out of his lips, and he continues to thrust, to push, to pound his cock into its completion when you feel him stiffening and expanding against your walls before the first twitch of his cock pushes you forward, falling freely into your climax.

“I love you, Jungkook. Always,” you cry out as you succumb to your release, surrendering to the rush of your orgasm that is taking you down under its intense current until it becomes the only thing you feel, allowing everything else to fade in its wake.

In the height of your bliss, you find the bond between your hearts and quickly reach out to him. Your hands come around him, grasping at his back to hold on against the tremors running through your body, while you can feel your soul grasping out into nothingness, trying to reach out to an invisible knot that appears inside you just as another man’s face comes visible in your mind when you close your eyes.

Author’s note: It’s finally updated! Forgive me for the long wait. It was hard to divide my attention between work, a few collabs, novel editing, and finishing this series. Things are finally beginning to unravel. How do you think Jungkook will react when he finds out? I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Let me know what you think about the story so far <33

❥ Commissioned by @namgishope​

— © 2022 Yoonia, all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any kind is not allowed. translations are not allowed.

[demonslayedher]

IT WOULD HAD BEEN FINE FOR KAMADO TANJIRO TO DIE

Narratively speaking, at least.

Purely my opinions on the multiple ways it could had worked, as well as SPOILERS AHEAD.

First, please allow me to state that I love Tanjiro. I love Tanjiro so much and he deserves every good thing that's ever happened to him, plot armor and all. It's because I love Tanjiro so much that I care a lot about how his death would had played out, had that been built into the narrative.

The final chapters of KnY gave me the best serialized manga-induced emotional turmoil I had experienced had had in five years. The timing was remarkable; it was just as the cherry blossoms were scattering that Chapter 200 dropped and took my heart with it, and then by the time 203 came out, the wisteria were in full bloom. I had been through so much in the span between those chapters, including coming to terms with the fact that not only might Kamado Tanjiro be dead, but that it might be best for him to go, especially given the weight that would cap this series off with.

I like the ending we got, whether or not you include the fever dream that was Chapter 205. While a lot of people expressed letdown that the final battle plot twist was resolved too quickly (and I concurred, resulting in a 120K+ word fanfic to play it out to what felt like its natural consequences), it was supremely gratifying to see Tanjiro go home. We know how hard he worked for that and how much he wanted that, even if he'd never get back what he lost in Chapter 1.

It's a sugary ending, with some bitter notes to make it palatable. While bittersweet endings are my favorite flavor, sometimes we crave a more salty, savory, heavy finish, don't we? A flavor left in our mouths not to feel refreshing, but to linger and remind us what a hell of a good meal we had.

Not only would KnY had been shocking in it's role among the major shonen title pantheon for doing it, but in its tone and in paying off on previous elements introduced throughout the series, Gotouge, cruel, cruel creator, totally could had gotten away with killing Tanjiro.

Tanjiro: Dying As A Human

Ah, the noble hero ending. Not an example we see all that often in manga comparable to KnY, where despite all the deaths of supporting cast members, the hero, instead "returning home forever changed" Campbell style, goes on Shueisha style to be a functional adult in the labor force and making positive contributions in light of Japan's declining birth rate. But so often classics do show us how a hero's last acts before (and after) death are the capstone touches on their lives. While not strictly main characters, there is no riding into the sunset for master strategist Zhuge Liang unless it's a ruse to scar the pants off his rival general which gains one last escape for Zhuge Liang's dwindling army, there's no happily ever after for Musashibo Benkei whose standing death while pelted with arrows served as a shield for his master to escape to a more honorable end. Even Robin Hood in the West tells us how our beloved hero romantically and tragically winds up, after what should had been his happy ending crumbles. Great stories are full of tragic hero death.

Tanjiro's death, however, would not had been a simple tragic ending. Had his story concluded at Chapter 200, he'd have succeeded in accomplishing the happy ending he strove for all along: defeating Kibutsuji Muzan and securing a healthy human future for Nezuko. He'd have left the world better than he found it; amidst all the sadness and pain, he'd have left hope for others whom he was compassionate to.

This is completely in line with Tanjiro's actions throughout the entire manga, especially given that he was always mentally prepared for getting killed on the job even without accomplishing his goals. But, as he tells Kotetsu in Chapter 103, he believes that someone will live on to accomplish that in his stead. The same could be said for a peaceful, happy ending that he might not get to live out himself, he trusts that it's just as good to secure that future for Nezuko and other people he cares about. Having Tanjiro die also would have cemented his place as a normal Corp member among normal Corp members; in the end even Pillars were only human and whether or not they died could be as random as a mudslide or disease; Muzan is right in saying it's all the same and Tanjiro's survival would be unfair to everyone just as deserving of it. While Tanjiro also insists correctly that the departed would not hold ill will about this, taking off Tanjiro's plot armor would truly show his solidarity with everyone else in the Corp.

While the bereaved left behind--most especially Giyuu, Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Nezuko--would be faced with the task of accepting the gift Tanjiro left them (which would also continue a running theme about survivor's guilt, and they'd have to show some triumph over that to give the ending the right amount of hopefulness), Tanjiro's compassion would also have an opportunity for fulfillment and conclusion on the other side. Apart from the satisfaction of reuniting with his family and maybe even Rengoku-san there to tell him he did a good job, Tanjiro has (almost) always shown demons the last bit of kindness they'd ever know before passing off to hell.

Which brings me to a point some people have made about how we got do many tragic backstories throughout this manga that not getting one for Muzan felt like a letdown. I feel we got enough, but wouldn't it had made the ultimate act of Tanjiro-style compassion if he helped lay Muzan's terrified soul to rest, after over a thousand years of fleeing from what should be the natural course of humanity? Carrying on from the undeserved compassion he showed the Hand Demon and Rui and other previous examples, as well as following examples from other self-giving characters like Koyuki and Sanemi, what if Tanjiro took his self-sacrifice even further, escorting a scared Muzan to hell itself, where so many other demons whom Tanjiro pitied and wished to see a better future for wound up? Not saying this is the best route, but it would had been a believable one.

Tanjiro: Dying As A Demon

I don’t think Gotouge would have had Tanjiro kill anyone, barely, if this wound up being his conclusion. The only silver lining would be as Giyuu prayed, "live and die as a human." In my light analysis of the KnY afterlife, it seems demons are doomed to hell after their first life taken, and it would had been too heartbreaking to see this happen to Tanjiro after all his goodness and efforts.

Tanjiro wouldn't think he deserves any mercy if he became a demon. Rather, in Chapter 93, he trusts that someone in the Corp would cut off his head for him if ever that fate befell him (Ufotable sure gave us some foreshadowing with all those swords and wisteria petals); and he later even asks that Inosuke and Zenitsu stop him if he ever goes down the wrong path. He knows he's capable of it; if even Nezuko could be turned into a bloodthirsty demon, anyone could. Nezuko's resistance was special enough to stake Urokodaki and Giyuu's lives on, but Tanjiro knows he'd likely be as much of a victim as any other demon. That would mean the likely only way to save those he might hurt would be to kill him.

A few ways Tanjiro might had accepted death as a demon have foreshadowing earlier in the manga. For example, with Giyuu having been the one to set Tanjiro on his journey, it would be a bookend to have him end it, especially since he had the most emotional take on Tanjiro's transformation and quickest action in fighting Tanjiro when there was no choice but to. It would be the defining moment in Giyuu's career as a Pillar, being the last Pillar standing and actively taking a role in Tanjiro's end instead of helplessly watching it happen. Furthermore, we only saw the merciful Fifth Form of Water Breathing used once in this series to relieve the Mother Spider, and with the bond between Giyuu and Tanjiro, we could had seen that kindly rain after the drought brought back as Tanjiro manages enough control over himself to offer his head.

But wait! The Nichirin blade doesn't work on a demon resistant to the sun! Ohoho, yes, that does complicate things.

Good thing Tanjiro witnessed Akaza's death, and how Akaza willed himself to perish. For as much anger as Tanjiro harbored toward Akaza, it'd have made a circle of forgiveness if Akaza's actions gave Tanjiro the idea and strength he needed to win against himself.

But what if Giyuu physically can't do it? What if everyone was incapacitated after Tanjiro's horrendous attacks, Nezuko was about to die if this went on, and Kanao had no surprise serum? The only one left would be Tanjiro himself. If Enmu learned anything about Tanjiro, it's that Tanjiro has the resolve to take his own head, however many times it takes.

That really takes us into the tragic ending territory; for no one left behind would feel they had been able to do anything for him after all Tanjiro had always given them. At least if Giyuu did it, he'd be able to take some pride as a Pillar knowing he acted as in honor of everyone--survivors and fallen Pillars alike.

Ultimately, Giyuu does gets that conclusion to his arc by having been the one to try. Which brings me to my conclusion of this post...

What We Got Still Works

Kanao's serum was a perhaps a bit of a letdown for how quickly it resolved this issue, it felt convenient that she had exactly what he needed all along. But let's be honest, having Kanao play the hero with a move like that was freaking awesome and we'd never had been so worried for Tanjiro if there had been so much as a drop of foreshadowing. Forgoing foreshadowing is Kimetsu Logic, this is how we run. We run straight into an alligator's mouth and belly, that's how.

When it comes to weighty bookends, we still get the payoff from Chapter 1 in Nezuko's resistance to hurting Tanjiro, what with Tanjiro showing he's not as special, he succumbed like any of the other demons he ever felt sympathy for. We didn't need the heartbreak of Tanjiro dying, because we got the heartbreak of him failing both of his main goals: through him Muzan lives on, and Tanjiro personally harms Nezuko. It was already a solid juxtaposition to Chapter 1 the moment he bit her and got the taste of human blood; but it just kept getting worse as he hurt her over and over.

Even though Shinobu's influence from beyond the grave and Kanao's come-from-behind heroism were what ultimately determined Tanjiro's fate, the fact that Nezuko, as a human, fought as hard for Tanjiro as he spent years fighting for her is what makes the ending of Chapter 203 so satisfying; it's a sibling reunion full of well-earned relief felt on both ends. It fulfills what's driven this whole story, that the bond between them can't be broken by anything.

And, with that being the manga's theme, it's the best ending that they still have that bond. Now with both having been through demonic transformations, that gives their bond even more depth, and makes the other even more irreplaceable as someone who would understand them best.

But, touching back on previous ideas about what could had made Tanjiro's death serve the story as well, it really did come down to plot armor that our main character survived more than any other human in KnY's world has ever been through, all in a matter of hours. However, Tanjiro's recognizes that he's not the only one to have suffered in cruel and unusual ways, or to have pushed the limits of human capability. In many cases, those people died. When it comes to raw power and polished ability, Tanjiro still isn't on the Pillars' level; it's just his luck that Hinokami Kagura burns demons harder.

Tanjiro's survival as it played out in canon still shows us that his avoiding death is not due to his own merit, it was likewise only his stroke of luck. The humility with which Tanjiro wears his plot armor and lives out his days is what makes his happy conclusion with Zenitsu, Inosuke, and especially Nezuko so touching; he trusts they'll be fine with or without him. The fact that he's there to live with them at all is cause for the deepest gratitude.

[dimdiamond]

Bagginshield fic list

Yeah, I decided to make one too because there are enough to cause me headaches and I'd like to have them somewhere organized. Please look at the tags before reading them!

Fix-it fics

Desperate magic by BeautifulFiction: Bilbo is left to tend Thorin as he hovers on the brink of death after the Battle of the Five Armies. Is love enough to save Erebor's king, or is this the last farewell?

Lay your troubles down by Avelera: An extended version of "the acorn scene." Bilbo sees his chance to snap Thorin out of his madness, and takes it.

The Riven Crown by BeautifulFiction: The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place. Then there is the matter of the gold... Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

The Color of Possibility by lindoreda: When Bilbo puts himself between Thorin and Azog's blade, his mithril shirt protecting them both, it isn't long before some dwarves whisper that 'Oakenshield' might not be the best epithet for their king anymore. But for Bilbo, barred from Thorin's sight since the battle, this new epithet only adds to the sting. Spending his days caring for the recovering princes, Bilbo wonders how much more of this he can take, not suspecting his place at the center of a silent divide in the company.

Homesick by Margo_Kim: Five years after they've reclaimed Erebor, Thorin is sick of home, Bilbo is just sick, and neither is handling the situation ideally.

The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe: In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End. He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.

Notices in the Paper by YamBits: Bilbo returns to the Shire after his adventure, newly married, and newly homeless, after his two year absence allowed the Sackville-Bagginses to obtain Bag End. Bilbo and Thorin go to the Tooks for help, and find newly orphaned Frodo Baggins, also looking for a home.

A Royal Guardianship by ladyoakenshields: When Bilbo and Thorin return to the Shire for a sabbatical during Yuletide, they find a reason to retire the throne in Erebor sooner than expected.

The Shire's gems by awkwarng3: Thorin, Bilbo, and Frodo move to the Shire after raising Frodo in Erebor, and Frodo makes a friend.

Time travel fix-it fics

An expected journey by MarieJacquelyn: For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right? Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

Bilbo Baggins, warrior of the Valar by Pallalalo: Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “And you’ve come to the Shire to look for this someone? My, Gandalf, I wonder if you know Hobbits at all. They would tell you that adventures are nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. That they would make you late for dinner.” Bilbo recalled his own words perfectly. It had been something he and Gandalf had looked back on with bittersweet laughter. This Gandalf however noticed his exact words. “Would they now? And what about you, mhm? What would you tell me about adventures?” #The Valar send Bilbo back in time, to the day where Gandalf asks him to join in an adventure. After living a lifetime of regret and suffering, he vows to change things for the better. For Thorin. For Frodo. But will he succeed?

I'll die to care for you by thehufflepuffhobbit: His gaze landed on Mahal's eyes once more. "You did your best, Thorin." It was tempting to look away; he wanted to deny that with everything he had. It certainly didn't feel as though falling into Gold Sickness and then dying was doing his best. Mahal smirked, as though he knew Thorin's desire to contradict him, and pinched his cheek before walking over to a table. "Aye, I didn't think you would believe me. I'm not lying, it certainly could have gone better. More according to my plan, but I know you really did try." "Your plan?" He didn't know if he should ask, really. Knowing that his Maker had set a course for him, he didn't want to think about the ways he had done everything wrong. There were too many examples of mistakes in his long life, too many opportunities that he had missed that had probably been planned for him from the beginning. Or:Mahal feels like Thorin fucked up his legacy and gives him a do over.

Darker times ahead by Reach4theSky: Bilbo is sailing to the Undying Lands but wary of letting go of the guilt that has been with him for many decade. His most sincerest wish is to go back and change what was done. Before reaching the lands of peace and healing, he dies aboard the ship and finds that his wish is being granted, not because he is the one to wish it but because this is the dwarves last chance to escape a fate of eternal waiting. He finds that not only is he going to be sent back to his younger body, but so is the entire Company of Thorin Oakenshield. Time is a fickle thing and not all the members have their memories returned to them at the same time. The journey on becomes interesting as the dwarves slowly remember and fight for themselves and their kin, yet new hurdles are thrown at them when they realize that more people remember than expected...

Of an arcane binding by Salvia_G: An inexplicable magic ties Bilbo Baggins, hobbit of the Shire, to Thorin, dwarven prince of Erebor.

Legends by DomesticGoddess: The fellowship has set out on its noble quest to destroy the ring and put an end to the threat that is Sauron! Just set out really, barely left the gates of Imladris, but things are going smoothly enough so far. That is until the two most unlikely party crashers fall upon their little fellowship. Uncle Bilbo and the Legendary Thorin Oakenshield?! Frodo just wants to know what's going on but the two of them won't stop hollering at each other long enough for anyone to get a word in edgewise. Suddenly, their little group is joined by Frodo's two biggest heroes and he discovers there was a lot more to Uncle Bilbo's stories than he realized.

Beside myself by bliboboggins: "What are you doing? Just who do you think you are?" Startled, Bilbo turned around slowly. And there, in a familiar patchwork dressing gown, brandishing a fire poker wildly about, was... Bilbo.

Erebor never fell au fics

The hearth doesn't make the home by Moonrose91: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.

Clarity of vision by Mithen: In a Middle-Earth where Erebor never fell, a shadow remains in the heart of the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo Baggins finds himself drawn reluctantly into a quest that will lead him across the continent--from Bree to Lake Evendim to the icy North and beyond--with a party of five dwarves searching for an artifact that will cure the ailing King Thrór.

Ghivashel by mdseiran: The last thing Bilbo expects when he stays up late one night is company. The strange dwarf and his companion crash into his life and prove unexpected saviours. But the dwarf seems to think he will be joining them on their travels, and Bilbo has no such intentions.

The Song of My Heart by DomesticGoddess: After a failed attempt of trying to carve out a new home in the Blue Mountains for his people, Thorin finds himself beseeching the Hobbit Thain and his council for a place for his people in their bountiful land. An agreement is struck and plans in the works for integrating his people into their land. The only condition being an arranged marriage between himself and one of their family heads. A small price to pay to see his people safe and well fed. Unfortunately, he’s to marry the most disagreeable hobbit in all the Shire who also seems to hold a personal grudge against him. If only he could figure out why his new betrothed hates him so much.

Oak and Mistletoe by HildyJ: After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer.

Karkûn shukula - A Cinderella AU by harrypanther: When the Prince of the Shire visits the Kingdom of Erebor, there is great excitement. There are hopes he will choose to marry one of the Royal Family, cementing an alliance that would secure food supplies for the dwarven Kingdom and gain new allies. All eligible dwarves are expected to attend a series of Balls. Unknown to the guests, there is a third royal child, manoeuvred out by his ambitious stepmother, for whom this may be his last chance of restoring his fortunes and escaping his fate…

Alone this Yuletide by Emsiecat: 'Alone this Yuletide? Irritated with prying and nosey family members? I am an out of work blacksmith currently trying to make my way by any means necessary that does not involve my resorting to thievery (prisons are most uncomfortable, I've unfortunate first hand experience). However, if you would like me to be your strictly platonic companion for any social function, but have me pretend that we are in a serious courtship, so as to torment your family and ward off unwanted suitors then I am more than obliging...' After becoming increasingly irritated by overtures of romance from various Shire residents following the death of his mother four years ago, Bilbo is more than ready to resort to desperate measures. That is, up to and including pretending to be in a serious relationship with a certain surly blacksmith currently inhabiting the Bindbale Woods. It's a good idea after all; all they have to do is pretend to be in love over the Yuletide period and Bilbo's family and suitors will surely leave him alone after that. It's perfect! And nothing can possibly go wrong, right? Certainly nothing as preposterous as falling for one another for real...

Modern au fics

Nothing gold can stay by perkynurples: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure?

Love-In-Idleness by perkynurples: Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all…

Candid by northerntrash: Thorin wasn't entirely sure why there was a six-foot candid photograph of him hanging in this exhibition, but he was going to wring the neck of whoever had put it there. In which Bilbo is a photographer, Thorin an accidental model, and Gandalf just likes to make trouble for everyone.

How the west was won and where it got us by stickman: Bilbo is a harried 1st year British literature Ph.D. (early 20th century fiction) who happens to have an interest in spatial narrative structures, a lack of time-management skills, and a tiny apartment with a lot of books and very little furniture. He’s stressed, always, and doesn't quite know where he belongs. He tells himself that really, this is, in fact, what he wants to be doing. But sometimes, as much as he loves books, he gets an urge to do something with his hands. Thorin is a disgruntled M.Arch. 1 in his last year who can’t be arsed to shave and frightens his students, and, frankly, his profs, but his work is top-notch so no one can really say much. They can, however, bully him into running a hands-on design workshop on Saturday mornings, which is complete crap, because he’s used to drinking his Friday nights into oblivion so showing up at Milstein at 7:45 the next morning and trying to teach in a room of wall-to-wall windows as the sun rises is not at the top of his list. Besides, no one ever shows up. Except one morning, someone does. [graduate school AU]

Butterfly effect by eyra: Yoga wasn’t for him. Yoga was for interesting people. Luminous people; people who took gap years and spoke a foreign language. People who ate lentils and burned incense and had fantastic, colourful friends with fantastic, colourful lives full of travel and silent retreats and those baggy trousers with elephants on them. Yoga was decidedly not for people like Bilbo, who wore cardigans and ate beans on toast and whose linguistic capabilities stretched only as far as a rusty Spanish A-Level. Just your regular story of boy meets yoga instructor.

Remover of the obstacles by MistakenMagic: "Dis often chided her older brother for being a misanthropist. She did it so often it had become a term of endearment. It was true that Thorin struggled with people; he struggled to form and maintain relationships. Dr. Grey had diagnosed him with this and Thorin hadn’t the heart to tell him this wasn’t a symptom of his PTSD, it was a symptom of his personality. He exercised a sense of apathy with almost everyone he met… But Bilbo was different. Thorin actually found himself wanting to know more about him."

Color outside the lines by andquitefrankly: Kindergarten has just gotten significantly better. Just ask Thorin, who's got the biggest crush on the new kid in class, Bilbo Baggins. With the help of his friends, Thorin knows that he can take back the swings from the 1st graders, show up the K-1 class in the school pageant, and win the heart of one curly haired boy. Yup. Kindergarten is going to be a year to remember.

Bran' New Suit by pibroch (littleblackdog): Andrew's description had been sufficient to recognize him— a riot of honey brown curls, short in stature, a well-favoured face with expressive features— but it hadn't quite been enough to prepare Tom for the sharp, almost painful tug in his gut at the sight of the man. They had never met before, to the best of Tom's recollection, but there was something eerily and inexplicably familiar about him all the same.

Different species au fics

I've grown a hedge around my heart by pibroch (littleblackdog): "Thorin was the essence of so many Buckland oddities, distilled into one misfortunate young hobbit, much to his infinite embarrassment. Built like a stork, his father had said once, in an example of Thrain Brandybuck’s usual tactless humour. All beak and legs." Thorin Brandybuck, just recently come of age, still lives in his family’s smial in Buckland, with his parents and two younger siblings. Thorin is an odd duck amongst his relations and neighbours-- unsociable, grumpy, shy, and awkward. And beyond that, he looks rather strange even for a Bucklander, strongly favouring the thick, dark haired build of his Stoorish blood. It defies all sense and reason why Bilbo Baggins, an exemplar of all the respectable traits Thorin lacked, would ever desire a friendship with him. Bilbo, as Thorin discovers, is not always as sensible as he appears.

In which the dwarves are satyrs for reasons by HiddenKitty What the title says basically.

Bride of the demon king by DomesticGoddess: Thorin is King of the demons, a beast-like race feared by humans. Ever since the demons and humans formed a truce years ago, the humans have sent a young human every year as a tribute to the King of demons. Thorin is tired of having to deal with the tribute that has long since lost its meaning. The only tribute he'd be interested in is the boy he met fifteen years ago on the border of the demon and human realms. Despite his fantasies, Thorin knows the chances of ever seeing the boy again are slim to none, until they're not.

Lost He Wandered Under Leaves by serenbach: Thorin son of Thrain is a struggling blacksmith descended from a fallen line of kings. In an attempt to provide for his family over the winter, he reluctantly accepts an impossible sounding task - to hunt down an enchanted deer that lives in the Old Forest that borders the Shire, and make armour and weapons from its hide and antlers. He never expected to succeed. And he certainly never expected what he found to change his life so completely.

A Dryad's Tale by Bilbo Baggins by Moongazer12: Bilbo is a dryad (think little sibling to ents). Long ago a curse was placed upon him from destroying one of the rings of power. Whenever he touches someone with his bare skin he will make them insane. But despite this, he and Gandalf have gone on many adventures to help protect Middle Earth (What was the point to destroying the ring if something else destroyed it instead?) Gandalf has called on him once again to help on a quest, Bilbo just hopes that they read his amendments to the contract.

The quest but with a twist au fics

King, come at the red morning by Tawabids: Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairytales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life. Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep. And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit.

When the sun rises by Harry1981: Bilbo Baggins of Bag End was not a very respectable Hobbit. No respectable Hobbit had a sword and crossbow hanging in their home, nor did they have Dwarves as family. But Bilbo Baggins did, and all of Shire knew of his husband, blacksmith Thorin Oakenshield. When Bilbo comes home to find his Husband earlier than expected, he learns of a quest to reclaim Erebor. It is a death mission. Bilbo knows that Dwarves are stubborn creatures, and none more than Thorin himself. But nobody said that Bilbo himself was any less stubborn. So he will follow his dearest husband across all of Middle Earth, through plains and mountains and forests, all while hiding the true nature of their relationship (Dwarven politics never helped anyone), brushing off some old wounds (and getting new ones) and finding out new things about the dwarf Bilbo calls husband (and his extended family). Nobody ever said love was easy, after all.

Small, but fierce by DomesticGoddess: As a result of a magical mishap during the trip to the lonely mountain, Bilbo is reverted to a wee little hobbitling. Only in body, of course. His adult mind is still very aware of the indignity of it all (seriously! He doesn't need to be coddled, carried, and fed like a child). It turns out, dwarves love children and there is nothing cuter than Hobbit children. Bilbo soon realizes that he can get away with just about anything in his babyish form and starts taking full advantage of it. Even the grumpy brooding king can't deny the angelic little creature anything he desires (and Bilbo's going to milk that for all it's worth).

Your song like a home in my heart by Nennvial: In Middle Earth, all creatures have a soulmate. Not all have some, but if they do, it is a bond nothing can break, not even death. The more famous story of such a bound was the story of Bren and Luthien, who even defied detath. The way someone can find out that the other is one’s soulmate is through song: when they meet and hear the voice of the other, a song sings in their heart, which feels like home and makes them complete. They may refuse it if they wish to do so, but they hence risk a life of bitter looniness. Thorin Oakenshield and Bilbo Baggins are soulmates, but they must admit it to themselves throughout their journey to Erebor.

To Dungeons Deep (And Caverns Old) by KingUndertheMountain: Bilbo Baggins was not your average hobbit. Of course, he had the wonderfully groomed and well-taken-care-of hairy feet like every other one of his race, yes, but he was not like other hobbits. He was cursed. Or, as the witch who gave him the enchantment put it, was “gifted”. She had given him the “gift” of obedience – whenever there was a direct command given to him, for example “cook a large meal” or “take a walk”, he could not disobey. Not without a lot of pain and eventual submission.

Chocolate candy one-shots

The world is sleeping (my world is you) by katheneverwrites (mandolinearts): I asked Persephone, “How could you grow to love him? He took you from flowers to a kingdom where not a single living thing can grow.” Persephone smiled, “My darling, every flower on your earth withers. What Hades gave me was a crown made for the immortal flowers in my bones.” - Nikita Gill ---“What do you mean, my friend?” There is a line of thought that surfaces in Gandalf’s mind, but he drowns it before it can take root. Surely not. But Bilbo’s chuckle sets him on edge. The small, gentle god of harvest, nature, and flowers sits up straighter, and in his crown of flowers there is a wire of strong metal, his cloak is suddenly not colorful anymore but the deepest black and he is terrifying, horrific, powerful - “I married Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the World.”

Of seasons by northerntrash: As far as he could tell, he had been kidnapped, which in itself made this week more than a little unusual. In which Bilbo steals away the Lord of Death, and Thorin can't quite bring himself to stay angry about it.

Warm up by paranoid_fridge: On one of their walks, Bilbo tumbles into a stream. They make it back to Bag End and Bilbo demands Thorin warm him up.

Royal Blue And Crimson Red by Mistofstars: Here's what happened before and after Bilbo accidentally eavesdrops on Gandalf and Elrond at night in Rivendell, as they discuss Thorin's quest and his family's history. Oh, and Thorin and Bilbo share a room, of course ;)

I was young when I left home by Margo_Kim: There was a pity clapper somewhere in the third row. Thorin finished his fourth song to polite applause from the people who noticed that the song was finished, but within the smattering of claps was someone beating his hands together like he was trying to rhythmically kill a fly. There was usually one of those, the kind who notices that no one else is paying attention and so is determined to compensate for that regardless of how they feel about the actual music. Thorin ignored him. It was easy to do so—he'd always hated looking at the audience when the singing was done.

A matter of buttons by StupidFatPenguin: “Your shirt,” says Thorin, quite out of the blue, and Bilbo looks down his front to see if there is a spot of tea or jam or anything equally embarrassing spilled on it. He is relieved to find nothing of the sort and looks up at the dwarf with an eyebrow raised in question. Thorin sits mute, his still-smoking pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks on for long moments still, seems almost lost to a thought before he shifts and lifts his gaze to meet Bilbo’s inquiring face. “It is familiar to me. Did you not wear this on the eve we met?” In which Bilbo and Thorin re-enact the evening they met.

The ladder by Milliethekitty27: Inspired from a post made by wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Tired of his lonely kitchen in Yavanna's Garden, Bilbo Baggins wonders if the dwarven love of being underground is true in death. If so, maybe his dwarves are living (ha ha) under the very land Bilbo is weeding. With that thought, Bilbo goes and asks Hamfast for a shovel.

Love hobbit by HybridOwl: Bilbo Baggins considers himself a bit of a cock up, all things considered. He never made it out of his small highway adjacent town, can't seem to stop chain-smoking, and overall has more to talk about with the plants in his shop than 90% of all the rest of Middle Earth. So when he's reading the morning paper and a love note that can't be for anyone but him pops up, he's pretty sure - almost positive, really - that he's being made fun of. "TO the chain-smoking little stud who collects two metros from Gamgee's Goods every morning, will you be my love hobbit? - Bearded Biker." (heavily inspired by tumblr posts)

Fusion with other fandoms au fics

The Second Time by authoressjean; Sebastian Moran can't pull the trigger on John Watson to save his own hide, and what the hell is it with the doctor, anyway? Then Gandalf shows up, meddlesome wizard, and reminds him none too gently of his past life: as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of a company that had once included a small hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. One that looked decidedly like John Watson. And this would be the perfect chance to make things right with Bilbo the way he really hadn't been able to before he died, and that's when Gandalf tells him John doesn't remember being Bilbo, and to leave him alone. Right. Like that's going to happen.

And sow a star divided in us by MistakenMagic: Short summary: Gays in space! Longer summary: After his first successful solo mission, Jedi Knight Bilbo Baggins, trained by High Council member and full-time nuisance, Master Gandalf, returns to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. During an excursion to the sparring arena, he meets a group of Dwarven Jedi from Ered Luin, a mountainous planet located in the Outer Rim. Young padawans, Fili and Kili, are full of curiosity at this strange, barefoot Jedi, but Master Thorin, who appears to have the personality of a rancor and mental shields like blast doors, is less than impressed.

Comics you should definitely check

Every work by rutobuka, seriously they're criminally cute and they're not still favored by everyone without reason.

Retelling the Hobbit by Mellow_Comics: Bilbo has never been good at telling the "true" story of what happened on his journey to the Lonely Mountain. Now he's trying to turn the tale of his quest into a lighthearted children's book-- a bedtime story for his young nephew Frodo. But what really happened on his journey? And how did it actually affect him? This is a comic adaptation/retelling of the Hobbit! It's framed as a bedtime story that Bilbo is telling a younger Frodo.

For now these are some of my personal favourites! However, I'm sure my list will grow since my reading list has some gems still waiting for me to read, so be certain that there will be a part 2 of this list!

[sinnabonka]

15x19: So bad, that it’s actually good

Yesterday I had the experience of my life. I couldn’t watch the show (hi, everyone stuck in UTC+ shithole), but I couldn’t sleep either, so I ended up at 3 AM reading my people livestreaming it on Tumblr. This was one hell of a roller coaster, given the absurdity of the plot and the weakest writing in this season.

(I don’t mean the excellent and ironical and powerful message to the fandom, we’ll get there)

I was aware beforehand what I was getting, so no major disappointment regarding not seeing Cas back this week. Also, it kinda was my call, that he’ll be back in the final final.

The Ultimate Happy End, the biggest win of Dean Winchester. Chuck’s book ended, and Cas is not in Chuck’s book.

Was it bad? Yes, it was. Did I enjoy it? Hell yeah, I did. 

Everyone on Tumblr already gave their two cents of hatred regarding the writing, the montage, the solemn aim of this episode (spoiler alert: to please the general audience and bronlies), and I will give mine, too. Watcha say?

It was so bad.

I didn’t believe it was the same show as the rest of Season 15. It was like rereading the fanfic my stupid 13 y.o. self wrote after like half a season and no skill or whatever. Full OOC, everyone. Learn what not to do. 

I am so happy I didn’t watch ep 18 and 19 in one night. Could you imagine? That would be like getting kicked in the balls after a pretty good blowjob or something. Idk, but I can imagine.

It was lazy, it was just connecting two dots in the shortest way possible, although, leaving dozens of gaps! How, in the name of God, did they manage it?

Why Chuck could bring Lucifer back, but Jack didn’t pull Cas out of the empty before evaporating? 

Why Sam has no fucks to give about Eileen?

How did Michael miss the whole thing of Jack gaining powers, don’t angels, like, have a nose for such things?

What battle is he talking about? It’s was a single stab!

It’s all just so easy, so short sighted. God is bad, let’s defeat God. Lucifer is bad, too, let him do bad, again. Michael is petty, and with Adam gone he’s back to his tropes being daddy’s boy, let him not being appreciated one more time and lets kill him off, too. I mean, my speculations on this ep were stronger.

Let’s make our characters retell the villain what was happening off screen. Let’s put some direct call backs to the previous episode, but make it feel like a grain of sand in the eye. Let’s give Dean a miracle, just for Miracle to be yanked away from his hands a moment later (parallels to Cas, anyone?). 

Let’s pretend there’s no Eileen, there’s no Cas, let’s pretend they don’t matter! Let’s pretend “Just us” is a happy end. Let’s have two bros driving in sunset, because after all those years and all their losses, that’s the only thing that matters. “To everyone we’ve lost along the way”, my ass.  

(Totally following my call in here, though, I hate being right)

It was everything I’ve hated about the show back in 2013 when I left. And it was everything this show is not now, which I am so thankful for, and why I am back.

All those sloppy plot decisions, episodes with no logic, awkward and ridiculous montage, “only bro” dynamics, bending and totally ignoring the rules of the universe. The episodes with Lucifer, too, for crying out loud. 

Forced happiness, fake smiles, a lingering touch, close up at the beer bottles. It’s just them, the Winchesters, and the whole world can go fuck itself, as long as they get to drive their Impala to the end of the world and back.

This is something Chuck would love to be their ending. You see what I’m doing here? This episode - it’s Chuck’s book, it’s the bad ending Becky’s been talking about: all action and no Cas. In other words, not good. 

So, what’s good about it then?

In this episode we hear “the old Supernatural” talking through the words of Chuck and “the new Supernatural” answering, with Dean’s and Sam’s help:

Chuck: “What did you do?”

Dean: “We won.”

Chuck: “So this is how it ends?”

We won. The Author (TM) is defeated.

Chuck: “For the fist time I have no idea what happens next. Is this where you kill me? Dying of hand of Sam and Dean Winchesters. It’s kinda glorious?”

Chuck - the old Supernatural - wants the story to end this way. With killing God, with this bittersweet aftertaste, because Cas says all those beautiful words, but Dean still feeds off his anger and kills. Typical Chuck, right?

But, no! Not this time!

Dean: “See, that’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

Chuck: “What kind of ending is this?”

Sam: “His power. You sure it won’t come back?”

Jack: “It’s not his power anymore.”

It’s not their call! Writers tried to control the narrative so hard, but just kept circling around, killing one of the brothers just to bring him back. This time, there’s another ending. 

Dean: “It’s the ending where you grow old. You get sick. And you just die”

Sam: “And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You’re just forgotten.”

Because that, my people, is the destiny of Supernatural if it ends this way. It’s the ending of “Supernatural” by Chuck Shurley. If it is the story of two brothers hunting evil for fifteen years and finding themselves back in the place they begun in, what’s the point? Yes, we love the characters, but the story is empty.

Everyone is going to forget about it before the final credits end. And the writers are well aware of it. 

Quoting myself, If we keep taking the same route - we end up in the same place. How many seasons ended with Winchesters together, just the two of them? You’ll find one, that’s for sure. There’s no novelty in that ending. 

(And Bobo didn’t provoke The Ultimate Shitstorm of 11/5/2020 for nothing!)

The episode 20 will be something Supernatural will be well remembered by. It will be a game changer! 

I’ve written here about the change of the philosophy of the show (point 6). I’ll be a bit of a Chuck myself and put my own quote here once again:

The message the show wants to give the world has changed. From “it’s all about the journey, about saving people, killing things, no one ever gets what they deserve”, the philosophy has changed drastically toward the “good things do happen, you deserve to be saved, to be loved”.

And this, my people, is what we are getting in the next episode. Because Chuck’s story was about killing your brother, killing your son, one apocalypse after another, Lucifer, Michael, all that shit. 

But Dean’s and Sam’s is not. And in their book, there’s Cas, there’s Eileen, and everyone they didn’t lost along the way.

So, brothers driving in sunset? Not the end, but the beginning of their own story.

“Supernatural” indeed ended tonight. But our story didn’t.

[ggukkiereads]

hi hi i was wondering if you, or anyone else reading this really, have any good one bed trope au recs preferably jungkook or taehyung? thank you so much! and no rush, take your time. you must have a lot on your plate. take care!!<33

🌷 Hello! It’s okay, I’ll answer this right away because I don’t think I know or have read a lot (or maybe I just have a hard time remembering some fics).

These are mostly my reblogs so you’ve probably already read them 🥺:

Trope: There’s Only One Bed  | Jungkook or Taehyung

↬ May 31 @jeonjeonggukenergy - Jungkook | one shot, roommate au, literally whole one shot is this trope | s, f

↬  On The Road to You @cupofteaguk - Jungkook | one shot, road trip, strangers to lovers | f, a

↬  Lover’s Gamble @army-author - Taehyung |  drabble, from a bed-sharing theme drabble collection | f

↬  Golden @kingsuckjin - Jungkook | one shot, f2l, OC’s bf is Seokjin and it was implied he’s not so honest and Jungkook helped OC (👀) | s, a

this is the type of story where you thought it will end one way then it leads you to a different realization.

↬  Heatwave @curly-bangtan - Taehyung | series, roommate au, fwb au | s, a, f

okay, this is kind of a long series and the “only one bed” trope happens during the very last chapter 😁 (but it’s important because it’s a key to them getting back together)

↬ Rubies and Roses @min-youngis - Taehyung | one shot, fake dating au, rich!taehyung, date for hire!reader | a, f, implied s

this is just a wonderful slow burn of two people who started as strangers, with Taehyung needing OC (who sidelines as a date for hire) to prove to his rich parents he’s reliable enough to gain access to his trust fund, the one bed trope happens during the last few days of the contract and ugh the tension is palpable I wanted to cry

↬  Almost Home @angelguk - Jungkook | series [2/?], single dad au, nanny!oc | a

the trope is used in part 2 of the series

↬  Heartbreak Anniversary @pbandjk - Jungkook | break up au, had to share a bed with soon-to-be ex-husband | a

okay so this is newly reblogged so I remember the details easily. You can read the sequel to the drabble here

↬ The Marriage Law @aroseforyoongi - Jungkook | Harry Potter AU, s2l, Marriage Law| f, a, s

well, there were actually two beds but the other one is pretty small (will only fit kids) so “oh no there’s only one bed we have to share” is activated 😁

↬ (road)tripping for you @latetaektalk - Jungkook | Road Trip AU, Strangers to Lovers, Summer AU, only one bed | f, a

this is such a fun fic and I truly love the slow burn. the one bed trope was used so well - when they started feeling lost when they weren’t sharing one bed anymore, you know things are starting to get real. I screamed more about it here

↬  An Endless Summer @seoulnotes - Jungkook | slice of life, rich!jungkook running away, OC is a stranger he met, impulse decision to travel together, road trip au, vacation au | f, a, s

just how I imagined a road trip to be - very Before Sunrise-esque. A bit bittersweet because Jungkook is trying to experience freedom and how wonderful it is to experience with OC. =) 

↬ Oh no, there is only one bed, what will we do now? @taestefully-in-luv - drabble | 3.3k | coworkers, enemies to lovers, been rivals since college, humor | s, slight f

Just fun! I love the e2l x one bed trope combo and this is a drabble but I like how things were explained why they had this rivalry in the first place. IT could’ve just jumped into smut since they’re already in the bed but I like how it was so much more than that. Short piece but fun to read =) 

※ The other ones I know are “share a bed” scenario but not exactly 'there's only one bed - no choice but to share' type. So I didn’t include those. (example: Somnolent, Bedtime Contract, Cuddle Buddy fic - in case you still want to read these, you can search my blog for these titles)

※ I’ll add once I remember more. I’m just 😴.

※ If others have recommended fics, feel free to reply to this post or send an  💌  ask

.

[sleepypaladiknight]

OK FIC IDEA:

that one au where you can hear your soulmate singing out loud in your head- but leopika

leorio wasn’t much of a singer as a child- the impoverished corner of the world he lived in didn’t have much music to sing to, either. the closest he’s got were the staticky, muffled and clipped tunes that rattled out of the neighbor’s radio. that’s why he’s always preferred listening- listening to his soulmate’s songs.

it was in a language he didn’t understand, but it was the clearest, sweetest music he’s ever heard. he memorized those humble tunes and lullabies, tracing the foreign syllables over and over with his tongue and humming the melodies nobody but him and his soulmate knew. he carved his soulmate’s voice into his mind, bragging to Pietro about his melodic partner and how he couldn’t wait to meet him.

then one day they stopped.

he found it coincidental- that it was on the same day Pietro passed away from illness. but it was fitting- it was a day where all the music and life left him.

as years went on his hopes of hearing his soulmate’s comforting tune dwindled away, but the music and the tunes he cherished so much as a boy remained, even as he learned new songs to sing to in the world around him. he’d sing out as loudly as he could, the raunchiest and most irritatingly popular songs he knew on some days, hoping offhandedly to lure the music from his partner again and hear that kind, soft voice just one more time. it never worked.

so, he swore to never sing that song, that one soft melody, until he heard it from his soulmate themself.

then he met kurapika. a guy who didn’t sing at all, and whose expression alone sang out his melancholies. his voice was prim and strict, the annoying, uppity kind that made Leorio’s blood boil, but it was familiar.

in the confines of trick tower, the topic began to stray.

“your soulmate must love your singing.” he teased.

the blond seemed to hesitate, and didn’t meet his eye. “i don’t care about soulmates.” kurapika’s voice sounded almost sad. “it would be for the better if mine never meets me at all.”

“yeesh, that’s real positive of you.”

“and what about you?” he said almost accusingly. “what do you think of your soulmate?”

“i don’t care about my soulmate, either,” he bit out, “but it’s for a good reason. mine stopped singing to me.”

“they must have their reasons.”

“which are probably as pompous and bratty as you!”

then they were back to their usual bickering. life went on, and his ambitions neared with every step of the journey he completed. their little group parted ways to chase after their own interests and dreams, and for around a year, leorio never saw one of them face to face.

then kurapika showed up on a cloudy evening, after billions and gazillions of ignored calls and texts left on delivered. they exchanged apologies and grievances and angers, embraced each other and shared glances that lasted a few seconds too long as they talked.

for some reason, kurapika had a strained look on his face when leorio began to sing the lyrics to some queen song. he wouldn’t even look at him, but leorio shrugged it off as usual angsty behavior.

they found themselves on the rickety balcony of leorio’s cheap apartment, looking out over the city.

“so, still given up on your soulmate?”

kurapika said nothing.

“well, me too, i guess.” he sighed out. “i lied to you- back at the exam when i told you i didn’t care about my soulmate. i,” he laughed, a bittersweet sound, “i actually cared a lot. it just felt easier to deny it. it’s... pretty damn hard facing the idea that maybe my soulmate really doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t want to meet me. maybe they’re gone. maybe they hate my voice or something- from what i remember, they were a hella good singer. nice, bright voice and everything. maybe they didn’t wanna end up with someone musically talentless like me. maybe that one time i sang ‘call me maybe’ in the shower was the last straw.”

and to his delight, it drew a soft chuckle from the blonde leaning against the railing next to him, arms brushing and shoulders touching. his hair looked like silver in the moonlight. still, kurapika didn’t reply.

so leorio forged on.

“i, uh, already told you my soulmate stopped singing. like, completely. but i still remember the songs they used to sing. they were a huge comfort to me when i was little, when things were hard and a little bit of song was something people couldn’t even afford. i didn’t even know what the words mean, still don’t, but all i know is that they meant the world to me.” leorio glanced at kurapika with a sheepish smile. “wanna hear? so maybe you can hunt down the bastard that left me hanging?”

“sure.” his voice was scratchy, almost pained.

and leorio began gently. kindly. he was sure his accent was off- it didn’t roll off his tongue as fluently as it did for his soulmate all those years ago. but the sounds and the tune was the same- the one that he’s devotedly committed to memory, the one that he hastily wrote down on a piece of binder paper as a reminder of the comfort his soulmate used to bring, the one that he swore to never forget- it was his soulmate’s last song.

when he tapered off into absentminded humming, he realized kurapika was crying. his eyes were blown wide, flecks of magenta shimmering across the deep, scarlet hue of his irises. tears rolled down his soft, pale cheeks, glinting like diamonds in the moon’s embrace, falling on a dampened shirt that clasped trembling shoulders. leorio felt clumsy and dumb, trying to soothe kurapika, asking him what was wrong, if he was okay- then kurapika began to choke out words, rubbing away at his eyes with his arms.

“how do you know that song.” it wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

“i already told you, my soul-“

“no. you don’t understand. it’s a very personal song. a traditional song.” kurapika teared up again, liquid sadness welling up in his eyes. “it’s a song- a lullaby- that i’ve forgotten for the longest time. it’s my mother’s.”

leorio gaped, “your mom was my soulmate?!”

“no, you idiot!” Kurapika couldn’t help but laugh through his tears, beating a fist against leorio’s chest. they burst into a fit of laughter, boisterously cackling in the silence of the night, overpowering the honking cars in the streets below and the sound of their worries adrift in their heads. nothing but them existed.

kurapika’s hand remained there, on leorio’s chest, starting to clench at the fabric of his dress shirt. they were silent, for seconds, minutes, maybe hours, until Leorio’s hand drifted up to meet it, brushing gently against the soft, scarred skin of Kurapika’s slender fingers.

“i’m sorry.” kurapika whispered softly, barely above his breath. “i wasn’t fair to you. you were always trying, always singing to me.”

leorio couldn’t speak.

“i’ve been hearing your voice for years now. you and your- your stupid songs-“ he laughed out, but it sounded more like a choked sob.

leorio couldn’t breathe.

“i didn’t mean to make you lose hope. but i was hoping you would, so you wouldn’t chase after someone like me.”

leorio couldn’t think.

kurapika was leaning closer, voice growing quieter and quieter until they had to be inches apart to hear, to exchange words.

“i couldn‘t bring myself to sing. i didn’t have a reason to, not anymore. not after what happened to my clan. i noticed you stopped singing for a time, too. but it only took months before you began again, gaining more momentum with every song. i envied you and your strength.”

kurapika had started to shake, small frame shuddering against leorio’s. without thinking, he brought his other hand up to thumb away a tear that had begun trickling down kurapika’s face.

“i wanted to sing to you too, but all the songs i wished to teach you had disappeared from my memory. i was so preoccupied with my goals, that i... i began to forget the things that mattered more. what the faces of my family and my old friends looked like. what the lukso sunlight felt like on my skin, or how the grass felt underneath my feet. what the croons of a happy piko bird sounded like, or how beautifully blue the sky was on a sunny day. what my mother’s voice sounded like, what the words to her songs were, i, i-” kurapika sobbed, “i betrayed myself and my entire clan. i thought i had truly lost them and the part of myself that i swore i wouldn’t let die.”

their foreheads fell together, touching reassuringly. kurapika’s eyes fluttered closed as he spoke, body rendered as fragile as his voice, his feelings, his heart. leorio held each with careful, treasuring hands.

”i’d become a monster. a stranger in the same body i walked my home with. i thought- i thought that my soulmate didn’t deserve someone like that. someone like me.” he heaved out, chest shuddering with every quiet breath, “you don’t deserve someone like me, and i could never-“

and leorio shut that bullshit up with his lips.

they slotted together perfectly. call him disgustingly cheesy, sappy, any romantically insulting insult you could throw- but it felt like harmony. it felt so beautiful, his emotions crescendoing and his heart thrumming mercilessly in his chest as it fitted against kurapika’s. those soft, slightly chapped lips, damp from the tears that had trickled past them, felt perfect on his, like his lips were made to meet them. and just as easily as he had lost the music and life all those years ago, it was returned to him, in the form of a blond, pressed up against him and demanding for more, more, more with his mouth, hands all over his shoulders, fingers tangled in hair, breathing in each other, kissing like it was the very last thing they could do.

when they parted, leorio let himself get intoxicated by the sound of kurapika’s panting, drunk on the soft sounds that spilled past his lips like music.

”cut- cut the crap,” he breathed out, pulling kurapika closer by the waist and burying his head in his head of gold. ”for the rest of my life, stop talking. and start singing.”