#the big freeze

[pseudowho]

Sluggish this week

It's very cold in the UK and my brain goes slowly when I can't warm up. I'm all cold toes and icicles.

Sorry there's not much in the way of fics and inbox answers from me 🥲 I'll try harder when it warms up.

Love you all ❤️☕

-- Haitch xxx

[tuckiozi]

I am going to talk about The Big Freeze by Laura Stevenson

(fuck it I'm posting this here too)

There is no other musical artist that means as much to me as Laura Stevenson does. This wasn't always the case, and my way of arriving there was real odd and roundabout in retrospect but I figure most things are in the end. In any case, there is no part of Laura Stevensons work that I do not unreservedly love. Everything she does seems to feel so uniquely and honestly itself, distinct in identity and yet recognizably the creations of the same artist. The honesty, or feeling of it, is a central part of that, and there are definitely some recurring characteristics of Laura's songwriting, but all in all every piece feels profoundly Itself.

The Big Freeze is my favorite album of all time. I think it is a singular accomplishment musically and belongs in the annals of history and it doesn't bring me great joy exactly that it really hasn't gotten much attention. I struggle with the concept of things being "deserved" in a lot of ways, yet here I feel it to the smallest roots of my heart that this album deserved more.

The Big Freeze feels like a miracle. Struggling to find a studio to record it in, some coincidences let to a producer she knew from a previous album having just shuttered his old studio and so having a bunch of equipment in storage still. Laura's mom's house was available as a space, and so they moved the equipment and recorded it there, in an old loud house. (Source: https://atwoodmagazine.com/lsbf-laura-stevenson-interview-big-freeze/). The fact that it's recorded in such an emotionally charged is, I think, an integral part of the fabric of this record. You wouldn't necessarily be able to tell, because this record sounds, incredible, but there is an emotional resonance to every piece of that album that I wonder if wouldn't have been quite there otherwise. (In the interview cited above Laura tells how she had to turn off the radiators at one point because you could hear them in the background of one song.) From these conditions emerged a genuine wonder and an absolute all-time album. This belongs on any list of top albums of all time. It is a triumph.

This album is also thematically and emotionally heavy. I sometimes think it might not be the easiest listening experience, because the songs flow so seamlessly together and they all carry such a weight it feels imposing. Treating themes of self-harm and self-worth and other equally raw matters in incredibly honest and powerful ways (See "Dermatillomania" for a potent demonstration) makes it not the easiest album to take a casual listen of. It's vulnerable, it's honest, it is simply itself, and this too reflects in the songwriting.

No Laura Stevenson album sounds the same. Sit Resists does not sound like A Record, Wheel does not sound like Cocksure. Still, The Big Freeze somehow stands out even more. There are traces of it earlier, in tracks like "Finish Piece" from Sit Resist and "Every Tense" from wheel, but The Big Freeze carries a sonic identity unlike anything else she's done before or since. Stripped back and unornamented compared to her previous efforts, the emotional core of the songs speak even stronger. (Shoutouts to the incredible and indispensable cello work throughout.)

I could waffle on for hours with thoughts on the history and feel of this album. However, I want to talk about the songs. I want to talk about why this album matters to me.

Track 1. Lay Back, Arms Out.

This track is transcendental. Goddamn luminous. There is a memory I have of sitting in a dark parking lot in the winter of 2020, seeing the starlit night sky above me, listening to this track. The opening seconds of this track to me feels like a starlit sky first blurred and indistinct, seeing only a small section of it, and then the vision unfolding to a clear sea of lights in crisp winter air. The opening second of this song haunts me in the best way anything could. The moment Laura's voice enters is absolutely spinechilling. This song is a potent showcase of one of my favorite things Laura does, which is writing songs that don't really obey traditional structure. There is no discernible chorus, no verse. I don't think any bit of repeats at all. It is an eye-opening, stunning piece of musical majesty that weaves its way through a tapestry of strange metaphors that feel obtuse yet instantly resonant.

I'm a broken record Come wriggle out from underneath me Tied around the middle Not incorrupt and rotting out When you lift the lid I will be liquid All swimming in my skin

This song is catharsis under a clear winter sky to me. A truth of my heart holds this song to be perfect. In the winter of 2020 I was in a real bad spot. I had just finished my masters degree with a barely passing grade, after years of work and fighting with the university about various parts of the work on it with ruinous effects on my mental health. I only got a passing grade after first getting it failed after a six month wait for the grading of it, having been given solid signals it would pass and a date for the graduation ceremony, only to last minute have it pulled and being told they needed to find a new person to grade it because someone had to pull out. I was living at home with my parents, trying desperately to find a job with my grades and niche field of work in the middle of a global pandemic. I had just had my most important friendship at the time collapse, damaging several other friendships as collateral damage. I was working a taxing physical job often long hours into the night, and if not that with a rising time of 5am in the morning. My selfworth was at rock bottom. But "Lay Back, Arms Out" found me in that parking lot. This album felt like a lifeline.

Track 2. Value Inn

I used to avoid this song in relistens. Not because I think it's bad, far from it, but because it feels so bleak. A Frank account of self-harm in a motel room, the pit of this song scares me. I've never done any physical self-harm, but I still felt afraid of this song for a good while. I don't anymore, and I appreciate it better now. The lyrics sketch vivid imagery, and the roar of the guitars transform the song into a very potent beast. Scary and bleak, it brushes up against feeling hopeless. But it doesn't. The abyss is fleeting.

And the waves crash down in the waterpark When the stakes are low there’s not much to control So let it heal with the fibers of my clothes Until I’m colorful, until I’m just so

Track 3. Living Room, NY

Longing is one of the closest-to-universal human emotions, I reckon. Be it longing for someone you miss, longing to have someone to be with at all, longing for a specific place, longing to find the place that is the one you will miss in the future, longing is persistent in the hearts of most.

That's what this songs speaks to for me. A longing for a person and place that feels like home. With whom and where you belong. If any song is the "breakout hit" of the album it seems to be this one, at least if SEO and view numbers are to be believed. In any case, in the time where I felt the most alone and abandoned I've ever done, there was something nice about this song and it's warm longing. The dream of being wanted and wanting to be was nice. There's a strange warmth to the slightly airy vocals and strings here. This song feels nice. Like a distant fireplace you will arrive at in not too long.

So I’ll fold the world to be there tonight 'Cause I want to fall asleep on your time

Track 4. Dermatillomania

This acid flush of shame Can only be man-made Its ugly roses bloom and wither when I look away

Hoo boy. Where to start on this one. Following on in a similar tradition from The Healthy One from Sit Resist, Dermatillomania is a nefariously catchy banger about some real dark subject matter. The hint is in the title. This song does not fuck around for even a minute. There is an explosive power in every word of it, diving head first into the titular disorder and the experience of it. The combination of intensely catchy and lyrics pulling no punches makes this one a fucking standout. There's bits of this song that feels like a confrontation with something toxic, like things bottled up being released; a "fuck you, I will become more than you". And I personally, I think, draw power from that.

I don't in all honesty feel fully qualified to speak on this song. For it's release, Laura herself wrote an essay on it. You should read that essay: https://www.talkhouse.com/on-dermatillomania/.

Track 5. Hum.

If being hit with a crossbolt could ever be tender, it would feel much like this song. This is my second favorite track on this album, beaten only by the opener. It's beautiful in it's very uncomplicated instrumentation, tailored to highlight the voice and the lyrics. Every note hits exactly where it should.

No lyric in this doesn't intensely hit some person experience of mine; something someone else has said or something I've felt about myself. This song feels to me like it rips my heart out of my chest lovingly, cradling it and exposing its many vulnerabilities and weaknesses before patching it up a little and putting it back in. For someone with wobbly self-esteem and strongly shifting feelings if self-worth, lines like You are only the burdens you set in your mind hit with the weight of a cast-iron sledgehammer. However, this song hits another part of me strongly too: the part of me that is afraid of being seen as a thing to be fixed and of becoming someone's emotional pet project. The part of me that is afraid of being too much emotional labour when I'm not magically fixed. There is a specific personal experience behind that, and this is fear that I'd always on the back of my mind. I have no answers to it, I just have to hope to not wear out my welcome. Being a person is terrifying.

Track 6. Rattle at Will.

I don't have a clear view of this one, thematically. I adore it, musically. The way it shifts and soars, Laura once again using her affinity for layered vocal to tremendous effect. At one point in this song her voice feels like it's hovering just into the stratosphere. It's breathtaking, carried by an incredible fading out of the other instrumentation. (Another technique Laura has used to great effect before in I See Dark, for instance)

This song feels like conflict to me. Confrontation, grinning and bearing it. Mistreatment and almost betrayal. Like I mentioned, my view on this one hasn't crystallized.

Needn't be careful with me love I'd say rattle at will, I've been drinking my milk And like trembling leaves right before the big freeze I was with you

Track 7. Hawks

This to me is a song of homesickness. It has the feeling of thinking back on memories of more carefree times with a dear friend, from the point of view of a time that is far too full of cares and worries.

This song is even sparser maybe in instrumentation than even Hum, but once again everything is used to great effect. Mostly carried by Laura's voice and some bass and guitar stings, the strings step in perfectly where making something feel just a bit more aching is needed.

Can we go back to the minute we'd skirt through the rain? Hanging, halting, suspended like hawks under planes Can we say it's unending and I'll say the same? Remind me when my mind, it starts to go

This song, then, feels like reaching out to friends from that memory, a reminder of unbroken bonds. And that's the homesickness to me. I live now in a small place. Even when I lived in a big city I struggled to find lasting friends. I always have, and I think possibly always will. Many of my friends as such from university or that I used to know from my hometown I no longer talk to, and lost touch with many years ago.

I've known my best friend since year 11 of schooling, where we got seated together in English class and became friends immediately. Since then, we have had times of less and more contact, we have lived most of this friendship in completely different places. We have taken very different life paths and are quite different in many ways. Yet, when I go home on holidays and vacations and we get to hang out, it's like we never stopped talking. It's a trust that remains regardless of time spent apart. To me, Hawks speaks to that. Of summers remembering and forging memories. Of friendships that hold.

Track 8. Big Deep

This, in an odd way, carries a feeling of affirmation; of finding yourself and sticking to it resolutely. That might be a pretty surface read of the lyrics, perhaps, but that's where it hits. As someone who tries to stick to being honest to myself, maybe sometime even for the worse, it speaks to that part of me.

There is a wonderful live performance of this they did on Audiotree, that does this very nice plucked cello in place of the main guitar line in spots and it is really satisfying to my brain. https://youtu.be/YjzMvifwZqQ

Mistake, mistake these terrible movements you make You wrapped your heels ’round all the chairs And you made me forget what I want, why I'm here And you made yourself loud and you made yourself clear

I think this song is phenomenally well paced out musically. There is drive to the backing melody, like a river gently pulling, and once again every bit comes together to highlight and accentuate Laura's incredible voice. It all manages to give every note the exact right emotional value and impact, and it is a wonder when it slides into its quiet bit, and then resolves into a finale. The word "transcendental" seems fitting.

(I want to include another live performance of this here cause I think it's really really worth listening to) https://youtu.be/B4-cx0knd6M

Track 9. Low Slow.

This is the vocal performance of century. Every single piece of the band is once again on point and the melody hits ideally, but the vocal run Laura goes on in this song is fucking unbelievable. I adore this and honestly it might rate the same as Hum. It is a showstopper. It is stunning.

But I'm already poison-leaden Line with finery the wire you walk The wire you walk

I see in this one thematically some of the same things I see in Big Deep. A commitment to the ones self and being that, even in the face of adversity or hostility.

Track 10. Perfect.

And so we come to the close. This song has a summer feel to me. The feel of sitting outside strumming nostalgic chords. There is such a profound beauty to this song; we emerge from all this darkness and tumult and heaviness to a song that kind of says that things will be alright. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. This song is calm and steady and reminiscing. It feels like home. It feels like rest. It's a perfect end to the album.

Don't you let your light filter in, I'll be alright By myself tonight

In closing

So that's it. Some thousands words on my favourite album of all time. Mostly unedited and stream of consciousness, and I'm sure I could say much much more, but I needed to say this now. It's not great writing, but I wanted it said. Please listen to this album. Please tell me how you feel about it.

The Big Freeze is available to purchase on Bandcamp, and likely available on your streaming service of choice. You can also go to laurastevenson.net.

Listen to Laura Stevenson.

[maintitle]

me, reading about the death of the universe at 10:30 at night, existing in a state of existential horror, tears in my eyes:

nice.

[wasabi-gumdrop]

local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

[hitchell-mope]

Theme tune cameo.

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny as Fenton takes a hit that no human boy should survive while in a different city (im going crossover here) and just transforms into phantom and pretends to be all sad that he died. Just for a moment. He then proceeds to kick the baddies ass. Claims he got ghost powers and fucks off. Imagine if Captain America or Batman saw this while failing ti protect him, hell or any hero type. Danny doesn’t think much on it and just goes on with his week. Continues being Fenton of course but what if he runs into whatever hero, but out if costume, saw him do that.

“How are you here? And alive?”

Danny holding a smoothie:”uhhhh I made a miraculous recovery”

He just shrugs it off and goes about his day. It isn’t until he finally gets some sleep later that night that he wakes up in a cold sweat realising he now knows their secret identity. “Oh well it’s neat I guess” starts to go back to sleep only to bolt back up “oh god now they know my secret identity”

Meanwhile said hero is too busy trying to figure out how to help this random kid to even be worried about the fact that they outed themselves. Someone else probably points it out to them and has to explain it twice before it gets thru.

[ahollowgrave]

-- all saints' wake.

[tmntkiseki]

He looks so pissed

[vampyr3wife]

-_-

[zeibei]

fweeezeice being gay or smth

[dailymercutio]

I met these two guys at a bar and their names were also Mercutio isn’t that funny

Day 11: If you’re Mercutio and I’m Mercutio, who is driving the plane

[skitskatdacat63]

"From triumph to failure is but one step."

+ the usual

I love when I can include paper sketches in the process gif. It's very satisfying to see it progress from a very vague imagining of what was in my head to the finished project.

+ version without text

My favorite sketch was definitely the one where I actually put in words what it's supposed to convey. I wouldn't usually write that down, cause it's all in my head, but it was useful to do so when sending it to other people. I'll go into it more but here it is just as a teaser:

Lmao first of all, I like how I was teasing "Spanish GP" art, but as per usual, it's just thinly veiled au art. IM SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING GENERAL POSTERS, THAT'S NO FUN! So instead you will get weirdly relevant matador au art. I like it a lot though, I was really shocked I was able to draw 3 different Fernandos, I mean even drawing one figure takes a lot out of me, but this was weirdly easy?? I think it's just the effect of not being burnt out anymore, and actually being able to draw with more ease makes me feel like a god.

Okay, so the text: "Fight or Flight?" I'll be honest, I don't even remember why I chose it, literally came to me in a vision 😭 But I think it's fitting with the narrative of this piece. Is it better to keep going on, keep fighting, or better to finally give up, and flee? Not that I even remotely think he should give up, but I feel like sometimes I can sense him pondering this very question. That was the big fear before he announced that he re-signed. Keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the chance to finally go up against the bull again. Or accept it's an uphill battle and the fighting is going to keep getting more and more strenous, and maybe it's time to put down the sword. SORRY THIS IS SO ANGSTY FOR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "yayyyy home race!!!" Please forgive me <3

I. Renault

At some point, someone pointed out to me that I had drawn all other iterations of matador Fernando with a sword, except for Renault Fernando, and that ended up feeling very poignant to me. In a bull fighting match, they really only pull out the sword at the last minute to deliver the killing blow. So I think it's important to never draw this Fernando with a sword, because it shows the unfailing confidence and stability he has at that point. He only needs to pull out the sword at the end, as a formality almost, there's no reason for him to keep his guard up at all times.

II. Ferrari

Meanwhile this Fernando, he's considering his sword like he hasn't had to in the past. He's checking the sharpness, making sure in advance he can do what needs to be done. He's on guard, he feels like he needs to keep up his defenses at all times because he doesn't have that same amount of trust and stability anymore. He knows though he will be up against the (red) bull, at least that's never in question. At least there's the assurance he'll get the chance to fight.

III. Aston

Oh, Aston Fernando....He doesn't know whether to take up his sword or finally put it down for the last time. While at least Ferrari Fernando knows he's on constant guard against the bull, this Fernando doesn't even have that assurance anymore. He feels like he can never put down the sword, just in case he gets the chance to strike the killing blow on the bull, which feels like it's growing more and more unlikely.

Spanish flag: ? Lmao this was meant to be something to celebrate Fernando's home race and it turned very introspective whoops. Also got the Napoleon quote in there hahaha, can't escape it!! Shame though there is no French gp anymore, if so I'd probably draw an unhinged thing for it :,(

[souenkun]

I don't see this talked about often in the english side of the fandom, as this tidbit got lost in translation, but:

In the japanese versions for both texts and voice lines in the middle-aged opposites venet, kabu addresses larry with "—kun (くん)" in their second meeting in front of the restaurant. It's a japanese honorific to address someone who is a junior than you, in terms of either age or work experience/status. Inferring from this, kabu may either (1) be slightly older than larry in age (as I think they both have equal years of experience, just that larry happened be slightly superior to kabu in terms of their workplace status because he is also an elite four member), (2) be that friendly and warm as a person that he calls larry with "—kun (くん)" right away in the second part of their event's story, or (3) both.

Take what you will from this, friends! 🫡

[hitchell-mope]

She’s Agatha’s sidekick. I should’ve known.

[0ann3]

Slip Up: make a careless error

And they all made a deal just so Azul can make at least three people shut up about the whole thing - the end

Anyway, inspired by one of the prompts in the alphabet challenge I did for my ocs and from something that I actually witnessed irl LMAO

Bonus: Azul moments before this disaster

And then this guy proceeded to practice calling Deuce that in his head until he meets up with the group and remembered that he needs to talk to him for something

______

@thehollowwriter @distant-velleity