#the bad outweighs the good and the more I try to sit with it and look at it from all angles the more I’m actually sure that’s the case

[luniviravosshipper]

At the risk of upsetting some people and inciting discourse, I’m not going to tag this fully at this exact moment.

Also, CW/TW: talk of suicide and depression.

I’m rewatching some scenes from season 6 right now.

And it legitimately makes me feel so sick to my stomach watching the scene of Viren deciding not to hand Soren the letter, which would detail his last words, on the pretense that it would not offer empowerment to him. Not only does he withhold it, but he outright burns the letter so it could never be seen by any other eyes besides his own.

Like, just thinking about all of the subtext that dates back to the very beginning of the show surrounding the idea that Viren could have been depressed.

It actually makes me so, so angry that not only all the characters but the writers themselves very vocally believe that Viren was completely undeserving of being heard or acknowledged as a person because he wasn’t a good one.

And, that’s not even going into the whole servant motif with him that, by the way, has some incredibly classist undertones given how Viren almost canonically grew up poor and is the only character we know of who is indicated to have been and is also the only character who has been constantly ridiculed for his status and seeking out of power by every other character of a similar status to him. And the show decides to fucking affirm all that ridiculing by forcing Viren to wear the same garments he was draped in for a “purifying” ritual conducted by a group of elves who very clearly had racial biases against humans in the scene of him sacrificing himself while claiming to be a servant by using dark magic to help people, the very thing he decided to let go of in part because of the judgement he received for supposedly not being able to help others with it and for being the thing that made him be viewed as lesser then his actual earned status.

I have so many qualms alone with that. The fact that the show used the idea of servitude, which would have been fine if they had used it any other way because it is obviously very relevant and important to his arc, to dehumanize him. (They outright contradict what it means to be truly serviceable to others by denying Viren the right to actually atone for anything he did and to only accept whatever punishment and treatment he’d receive for what he’d done. Instead of helping others, he is forced to be isolated from everyone and locked up till he is needed to save an entire kingdom of people who will never directly recognize his efforts in saving them. His interpersonal relationships played such a big role in his arc up to that point. And now he wasn’t allowed to be acknowledged by anyone on an interpersonal level besides Soren, and only to a very small extent? Most of the people he wronged he did on an interpersonal level, yet he wasn’t allowed to do anything whatsoever to “make up” for what he did for those individual people?)

Also, the fact that somehow Viren denying himself the chance to be perceived fully by others and allow himself to be emotionally vulnerable (so much of his arc revolves around his struggles with introspection) was what the series considered empowering for Soren when it’s really just punishing Viren more then.

It is actually, really upsetting. It makes me angry, it makes me sad, almost to the point of making me cry. Straight up, I just have such a visceral reaction every time I rewatch any of the scenes starring Viren in season 6. Yes, I know that seems extreme. I don’t know, just the idea that the show thinks a character is deserving of being denied help or simply acknowledgment for struggling with depression or being killed in such a way that it is very comparable to committing suicide is totally fine (especially considering how this is a kids’ show and what message kids can get from this,) if they are unlikable or deemed a bad person (even though their chances to prove they are anything but those things or at least can become anything but those things are denied). (Could even go into what this communicates about imperfect victims of mental health struggles.)

[san8ny]

Can you do tutor!reader and dealer!Ellie where r is tutoring Ellie and Ellie falls head over heels, walking r to class, driving her home, and even helping her release some stress after a hard exam

SQUARE ROOT OF WHAT ?

?: You’ve been chosen to tutor someone for a quick cash-grab, but do they have to be this dumb? Maybe you’ll have to change your teaching style a bit.. / E.W / 18+

!: back to mfin BACK!!

“That's like, not correct."

Ellie lifts her head up with the hundredth tired look, meeting your strict one with oddity— how were you still so into this after lecturing her for a good..2 hours? She was sure you’d give up on her like the rest did.

Sighing, you lean over her and hold the pencil steady for her in her own grip as you show her where and when to mark the numbers down..or round them, whatever you were saying.

To be fair, Ellie did want to pass this class bad, but her eyes were beginning to strain from how many steps it came to solving this equation and mainly how you had good tits— what? Your eyes widen and you step back a bit, covering your neckline now.

Fuck, did she say that out-loud?

Scrambling from where she had her head laid on the table, knocking down her chair in the process and slipping onto the floor— she panic strickenly apologizes, informing you she wasn’t thinking straight Literally, and that she didn’t mean it in a weird way!

Modestly, you nod, trying to conceal the faint hue your facial undertones bring out, like the girl you were tutoring didn’t just say you had the nicest rack she’d ever seen. Coughing slightly, you two sit back down at the roundtable.

“Okay, maybe we should take a small break here and meet sometime this week then? You can’t exactly do math with a uh, clouded mind.”

Ellie nods at this, bringing her hand down to rub at her nape nervously, “Yeah, good point.”

Nodding, you begin to gather your stuff, and while Ellie should take that as an initiative to get the hell up and leave, she stays back a bit, awkwardly lingering as she crouches down and hands you the broken protractor she’d cracked earlier. You give a curt smile as you take it from her, not exactly seeing the use of the broken equipment but also not having the heart to tell her “just throw it away,” so you put the cracked pieces in your bookbag.

“Again, man, i’m so fuckin’ sorry. I swear i’m not like, a pervert or stuff, I don’t even say that shi—

You interrupt her with a slight hand gesture, telling her all was well and that you actually weren’t offended, taking the bold statement as somewhat of a compliment. Ellie stares at you, tilting her head. Really?

You wave to her once more before leaving, insisting you needed to catch the city-bus but the girl shakes her head with wide eyes. No way she was letting someone like you on public transport at 9pm. No offense, but she’d had her fair share of naïvely taking it during late hours most would avoid the transportation.

With not much convincing, both of you knowing exactly who’s reasonings outweigh the other, she leads you to her car. It’s not as bad of a vehicle you’d envisioned for her, afterall, some scratches and dents were expected of someone who dabbled in street-racing and delinquency as Ellie, but her car was surprisingly clean and pristine, a newer edition of a make-model you weren’t too knowledgeable about, but then again, a car was a car.

As Ellie starts the car and begins driving, you put in the address on her GPS. “Oh! Actually, could you put it in my phone instead? My car one is faulty.” Nodding, you grab her phone, opening it with the passcode she reads out to you, once you’ve got your address in, Ellie cashes more in, “And your number.”

Your eyebrow raises at this, side balling her, was this her lame attempt at getting your number? She had no problem just..meeting you at the library prior to this at the designated spot and tine, how come she need your digits now?

“Ah..just for if I don’t show or something comes up?” You smile, typing your phone in while Ellie spares you a short glance but then back to the road, “You got it.”

From there on, it became a routine between you two. You would text often, meet up for your sessions then she’d drop you off— it was ideal for the both of you, only you found yourself wanting more.

Ellie was book-dumb. A ditz in cargo shorts. There was no doubt about that, but, she had other assets to make up for that. For one, you didn’t find yourself falling for her until she’d tell you all about her loser endeavors, like how she found a ‘make your own sillybands’ set on Amazon and she spent an entire school night making elastic bracelets or maybe, that time she added a drop of NyQuil Cough Syrup to her drink and swore down she made lean. She was a character to say the least.

Right now, she was laying on your couch as you read her flashcards. Surprisingly, she was rapidly answering.

“That’s all.” You smile, noticing her blatant improvement, “You finished them all. You’re good for the test.”

While Ellie would smile at that, she looks down at her palms, tracing the lines before taking a small shrug. You look at her confused, wasn’t she happy?

The girl stares at you some more before sitting up fully, her knees pressing yours, “We’ll..still hang after this, right?” You don’t answer right away, looking at her with a slightly dropped jaw. Ellie takes that as an answer, scooting in closer, “Right?” Her breath fans over your face a bit, proving how overwhelmingly close in proximity she was to you.

That’s one thing you’ve noticed about Ellie, and probably the only place you two collide in, the constant need for reassurance. Finding your footing, you nod, “ ‘course.” To that, she smiles.

“Well, we’re done so you’re free from my shankles for today.” You snort, laying back on the couch and reaching for your phone. Ellie hums, reaching behind her and taking out a small encasing baggie. You weren’t dumb, you could recognize weed at first glance. “You don’t mind, do you?” She coughs, leaning back too into the sofa. What else could you have said? “No, I don’t.”

Her eyes get glossy in a few passes is what you see, already so relaxed than the previous state she was in prior to this. You sit there, tracing her forearm with your nails lightly, a habit you’ve had since childhood, though no-one really complains about it.

Ellie hums, turning her head to face where you sit next to her, you’re so fucking pretty that it almost hurts her. With a slight shiver once she hits the blunt again, she leans in to nuzzle her face into your neck, laying on you softly in a slight spooning position. You were also, very warm.

You smile, raking through her hair with said fingertips, massaging her scalp. “Does it feel good?” Ellie nods, seemingly dazed by how skilled your hands were. Reaching a hand up into her hair, she grabs ahold of yours, bringing it down to her lips— pressing a chaste kiss to your soft knuckles. Your breath hitches at this, and she just looks up at you, “I wanna make you feel good too.”

“Ellie..” Your eyes widen, mouth growing drier with each passing moment her eyes are transfixed on you. Geez, she really was adamant. “You don’t need to make me feel good, dude..” You nervously chuckle, not wanting to believe her words had deeper implications.

Ellie mouth opens, but shuts again, like a fish in water when you say that to her. You don’t want her to return the favor? How come? Is there something wrong with her palms? Do you think she’s dirty? Or do you just want her to get the hell up out of your house?

Her eyes alternate from your own ones to your lips, scooting closer to your face, “But I wanna.”

Now, you were a moaning mess on your slouchy couch, legs pried open with some rando you tutor giving you the best head you’ve had in a while, “Fuckkk..use more tongue.” You sigh, hand buried in her hair as you steer her, desperately lapping at your folds while you smoke her blunt.

Ellie nods repeatedly, burying her face even further into your cunt messily, spitting on it and licking it back up. Greedy..

“You’re so good f’me, hm? That why you purposely act stupid whenever i’m teaching you math? U-ungh..you’re so dumb, caving into whatever bitch gives you a smidge of attention.”

She’s genuinely about to cry from how mean you’re being, but she’s never been so aroused from such humiliation. She tries lifting her head up to give a rebuttal but you shove her back down.

“Y’know, actually, trace the equation earlier on me right now.” You snicker, “Maybe that’ll be our new method to get that empty head of yours to work.”

[helluvapoison]

Saw your preening hcs!!! They're so cute, I love the way you write!!!

How about the same characters helping a reader preen their wings? That would be so awesome :3333

Lend A Helping Hand

Lucifer, Adam, Lute, Vaggie and Husk help reader with preening

warnings: possible innacurate bird knowledge, heaven headcanons (also probably innacurate) illusions to sexual behavior but it’s not

[i]

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

˚✧₊⁎ Lucifer ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Seeing you uncomfortable physically hurts him, he has a knee jerk reaction to clutch his heart

• Lucifer’s preemptive when it comes to you, checking your wings around the same time he feels his wings molt

• Dramatically smacks a hand to his forehead, “I can’t believe I didn’t notice! Shit! Oh, duckie, I’m so sorry.”

• Praises you the whole way through, like you’re undergoing a dangerous surgery while wide awake

• Obscenely gentle when handling your wings

• You’ll receive only the utmost care from him!

• That being said, he gets distracted towards the end. Petting your feathers, admiring their color

• “You’re so prett—pretty feathers! You have pretty feathers! Aha.” Lucifer’s nervous chuckle fades as he focuses once more

• He’s more than thorough, quadruple checking his work and asking if you feel better yet

• (Tell him he did a good— no, a great job)

• “A thousand times better, thank you,”

• “Just a thousand?” Lucifer grins cheekily

• “Alright, alright, a million. And here I was worried you’d get a big head over it.”

˚✧₊⁎ Adam ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• “Sucks, amiright?” His voice lacks any sympathy.

You’re sure if you looked, he’d be wearing that punchable smirk

“Go. Away.”

“Yikes, tense much?”

Normally you had more patience than this. Today you were in no mood, whipping around and shooting him a deadly glare

“Adam!”

• Surrendering his hands, Adam turns and leaves, swearing that would be the end of it until your bitchiness subsided

• It’s not like it bothers him to see your nose scrunch in pain or dragging your hands down your face in irritation

• He blames you for turning him into a liar

• “If you make it weird—!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll hit me or something. Try being original next time. Now shut up so I can help you. Fuck, you’re just as bad as Lute.”

• Adam is eerily silent. In the mirror you can see his tongue poking out in concentration

• He’s uncharacteristically soft when handling your feathers

• “There,” He dusts his hands together, “Now you can’t say Adam never did nothin’ for you.”

• Fucking flabbergasted when you thank him. Outloud. Oh, you’re never living this down

˚✧₊⁎ Lute ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Treats the matter like an inconvenience, a chore that just has to be done

• “If I don’t help you, we’ll never get back on schedule,” Lute’s tone leaves no room for arguments

• Her hands shoving into your shoulders and forcing you to sit before her

• Despite this, her touch alone is mercy on your wings

• You didn’t know she knew the meaning of the word gentle until now

• Lute is diligent in all she does

• For the briefest, most minuscule of moments she thinks she has a grasp on sin. As innocent as it is, she’s not supposed to be helping you

• She won’t let you ruin her reputation

• She doesn’t dare let her fingertips linger on your feathers (no matter how loudly they sing to her)

• Lute acts as if you’ve burned her when she’s done

• “Thank—“ She’s already storming away, cheeks glowing red. From anger, embarrassment or other, you’ll not find out today, “—you.”

˚✧₊⁎ Vaggie ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• Honestly, she wasn’t going to offer at first

• Vaggie would prefer to forget about her time in Heaven altogether and helping you with your wings proves triggering, though not so terrible she can’t

• Not when the need to help outweighs her guilt

• You look so damn pitiful!

• “Here, hold still,” Vaggie sighs softly as she approaches

• She waits for you to go relax and accept the offer hanging in the air before touching your wings

• Vaggie’s touch is sweet and hesitant, almost treating your feathers like you’re made of porcelain

• “You ok?” She asks as she twists her fingers around the hardened shell, breaking the pin feather

• You smile at her over your shoulder, “Yeah. You’re much better at this than me.”

• Vaggie breathes out a light laugh, “I’ve had more practice. It’s… easier with someone else too, I guess.”

• Significantly less nervous when she’s done

•Next time, she’ll definitely offer her assistance sooner

˚✧₊⁎ Husk ⁎⁺˳✧༚

• He startles you, making you jump when you thought you were alone

• Husk, although he’ll deny it to his double death, made it his job to pay attention to people he cares about

• Watching you walk around uncomfortable, teetering the edge of all too familiar pain was hard to ignore

• “I know those things can be a real bitch.” He points with the bottle he’s holding

• “Are you trying to be sympathetic or stating a fact?”

• “I’ve been around the block a few times,” Husk shrugs, “And I might be offering my services if you need ‘em. Not just good for listening.”

• He almost regrets it when you immediately accept. He looks at his claws, tainted by alcohol and who knows what else, then your wings

• Washes his hands before. Which strikes you as odd because you’ve seen him use a dirty rag to clean glasses at the bar

• He might be qualified but surely you have someone more deserving willing to help you? Someome nicer, someone cleaner, someone better than him?

• Husk isn’t complaining! It’s just his inner thoughts making his hands tremble

• “I owe you a drink for this,” You say sweetly

• Husk hums out a laugh, “Nah. It’s my pleasure,”

~

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ thank you so mochi, friend! i’m glad you liked them, you read my mind too and gave me an excuse to write these hehe

[a-driftamongopenstars]

alright, i finally finished Dragon Age the Veilguard.

tldr; 3/10. I didn't like it.

If you enjoyed the game and would rather keep enjoying it, please don't click the read more section as what follows is rather critical.

I can finally sit down with my thoughts and put them together in a more cohesive structured review, touching on most things that I wanted to address. I'll start with positives and then focus on the negatives.

Warning, this is VERY long.

Overall, I had a neutral to negative impression of DatV, which got worse by the end of the game. It had some good moments, but they were entirely unexplored and underutilized, suffering from bad writing. While the game itself is rather pretty, it didn't outweigh the dialogues, the stories and the lore butchering that took place.

1. Environment and visuals. 8/10.

I think Veilguard is a very beautiful game. I enjoyed exploring the corners of this new world, the little bits of environment design and storytelling that it had. It felt magical, certain locations were mesmerizing! I couldn't stop staring at the valley where you go to with Harding, the carcass of a titan.

2. Combat. 9/10.

I love flashy combat, I enjoy hack and slash, so until the very end of the game I was having most fun in combat. Yes there was repetitiveness but I tried to combat (hehe) it with changing my abilities and weapons every now and then. I liked combos and I liked timed parries. Enemy tactics got a bit boring by the end, but a few enemies still surprised me and challenged me.

.... That's where positives end. Now on to the negatives.

1. Characters. 2/10.

I don't understand what happened. Almost all the characters in this game were tuned down to a two-dimensional personality, "good" and "bad" - and absolutely no nuance. This happened not only to the villains, but to the different NPCs and even our companions. Their interests got narrowed down to single points of interest (Lucanis and coffee being a prime example to me), their motivations got watered down.

This is not what I expect from a Bioware game. I want to be challenged, I want to dislike characters or approve of their choices. I like characters who are messy and complex and don't always have their shit together.

I like villains who may have other reasons for their choices, other than "ba ha ha, I am so evil and I will do evil things". Where is Alexius who sold himself to the Elder one, just so he could save his beloved son? Where is Samson, forsaken by the Chantry and turned to red lyrium with his addiction? Where is Calpernia, misguided in her choices, just to free the slaves of Tevinter?

Where are the slaves of Tevinter anyway?? That's another topic.

2. Rook. 4/10.

On one hand, I liked playing Rook. They were stoic but with a humorous side, ready to get the job done, compassionate to other people.

The problem is that it's the only Rook you can really play. The protagonist is set in their ways and their dialogues and there is very little to roleplay. Rook really does feel like a gentle manager, trying to get everyone to play along nicely, while providing therapy every now and then, and is excluded from the majority of friendly interactions with other people. That awkward glance everyone gives you after their banter is embarrassing. The way you can third wheel people, the way the game actively offers you to leave a couple of animated conversations between other people - why even include those? Why not make Rook a part of the 'team'?

I did like Rook's dynamic with Solas. They got to see a different side of him, one that's not presented heavily in Inquisition. But like everything else, it felt surface level and underexplored.

3. Story arc. 2/10.

I am left unsatisfied with the story. The pacing threw me off so much nearly every quest, it was hard to stay on track. From "we need to solve this NOW" to "actually, let's all slow down and deal with our problems", the plot's priorities were all over the place. We kept hearing about the gods and their destructive oppression, but we saw surprisingly little of it. Yes, there was the Blight, yes there were Venatori and the Antaam, but they felt more like a video game fodder and dressing rather than a part of the story.

Not to mention that all of those things made little sense to me. Why would the gods align with aforementioned factions? Why would the aforementioned factions align with the elven gods? In-game explanation was not enough for me, it did not make sense. Not with the established lore in the previous games.

I also did not enjoy the ending. While the idea of Solas binding himself to the Veil is good and does make sense, what was suggested as the good ending (inviting Mythal to deal with Solas essentially) actually left me feeling awful. I sent a man, full of regrets and self-loathing, on a lonely journey to figure himself out. That... did not sit right with me at all. Neither did the fact that Northern Thedas, supposedly the point of the gods' attack, gets to live and flourish, while Southern Thedas is dying of starvation and blight. That is UNHINGED to me.

4. Music. 1/10.

There was no music. I remember one track. It was not memorable whatsoever and I can't believe they hired Hans Zimmer to do exactly nothing. Just wow.

5. Lore. ???/10.

And here is the worst offender. What was done with Dragon Age lore is unacceptable. I was doing a head-in-hands every five minutes. This was a slap in the face of so many fans who enjoyed the three prior games and delved into deep, interesting lore of various races, countries, cultures and religions. Veilguard showed a big middle finger to all that.

Everyone has already touched upon the sanitization of different factions. From the suddenly slaveless Tevinter to found family Antivan Crows, everything has been scrubbed clean and made sweet and palatable and "good".

The Dalish clans have been removed from existence as we know them. The Antaam left the Qun? Don't even get me started on that. The Chantry has no influence in this game? Really? The Chantry? The biggest religion in Thedas? The one that we know has heavy presence in the Anderfels, the Black Divine in Tevinter? That Chantry?

I think it really hit me how disrespectful the game is during the quest of saving the Dalish elves, where apparently Elgar'nan's Venatori, uplifted to be his servants and chosen people, were trying to sacrifice them. It's a gross and oddly telling idea that the ancient Elven god turned to a faction of racist mages to sacrifice elven people. I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Just how much are you going to shaft these people? Mindboggling.

There is a lot more I have to say on this specific topic, and I probably will later, but the idea is this.

6. Romances. 2/10.

Whoever said this is a game with romance lied so hard. So hard. The romance was atrocious. From the badly written flirting to the lack of romantic scenes (I romanced Davrin), to the poorly timed and awkward 'final' romance moment... It was atrocious. I felt no connection between Rook and Davrin beyond what game was telling me. My actual companions got more screen time with their romances than me and my LI.

Damn, even Evka and Antoine, my single most beloved NPCs in this game, had more romance going on that my Rook.

---

All in all, Veilguard was a massive let down. After having enjoyed the first 3 games many times over, with multiple playthroughs, I was so excited to see how the story of the Inquisition, of the elves, would end. When I saw the first trailer for VG, I knew I would never get to see it. When I played the game, I was left with disappointment and disdain.

I'm glad there are people who enjoyed this game, genuinely. I'm sure there's something to find for anyone, but it was not for me. Nor was it for many other people. It was a let down. I feel like I'll never get the conclusion I wanted - so I'll have to write my own I guess.

I have more thoughts on this game that I might be sharing, but for now this is the review I wanted to write. Thanks for reading!

[waldau-archived]

menace — boo seungkwan | 2,058 words | fluff

inspired by this video. and ofc boo seungkwan :)

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

no one ever talks about the downsides of having a crush.

having a heart that beats erratically only when you see them. the way your hands turn unattractively clammy even if they’re within normal distance. you know, normal friend distance, because only one of you feels another way. voice cracks that spring up at the worst possible moments. the way you forget what you want to say when it’s your turn to speak.

maybe it’s fun sometimes, daydreaming about a world where you’re something else. something more. but that’s just what it is — a fantasy. the cons outweigh the pros.

case in point: boo seungkwan.

you don’t know how long you’ve been cuddling with your pillow, your back facing the man in question while you try to will yourself to sleep. it doesn’t work, just the way it hasn’t been working ever since you flopped onto your bed.

“you should be out with the others,” you murmur without looking at seungkwan, another variation of the same sentiment you’ve been trying to get him to understand for a while now.

seungkwan lets out a huff. “and you should stop telling me to go.”

you don’t need to turn to know he’s run his hand through his hair in frustration. you’re sure his hair is an adorable mess, but you don’t need any more fuel to add to the fire of feelings that’s been raging inside you all evening long.

when your friends suggested renting a beach house for the weekend, you didn’t realize they’d put you and seungkwan in the same room. you’re best friends, they’d said. of course you’re going to room together.

seungkwan isn’t half bad at being a roommate, but it’s a bit of an issue when you have a massive crush on him that you’re really trying to stop thinking about.

annoying seungkwan with his annoying smile and his annoying hand that rested on your thigh half the time you were playing monopoly. his annoying leg that touched yours when you were watching a movie because there wasn’t much space left on the sofa, but he had to have you next to him because he’s never been good with horror.

even when you’d offered to hold his hand from where you were sitting on the sofa, he refused till jeonghan moved to make space for him to sit next to you.

in a way, you’re glad you sat next to him. at least you didn’t have to pretend like you weren’t scared, not when you had vernon and wonwoo sitting in front of you, watching the screen unblinkingly.

it’s all been a bit…much. which is why you decided to skip going on a walk along the beach with the boys and head for a night in, citing a headache.

the only problem? boo seungkwan wanted to be the one to take care of you.

“do you want me to get you anything? water? medicine?” he asks, soft, and you feel bad for making him stay behind for something that isn’t even an issue for you.

“no.”

“should i sing something?”

“no.” the last thing you need right now is boo seungkwan serenading you while you’re wallowing in your feelings about him.

it’s neither of your faults that the moment you realized you were in sharp, blinding, no-taking-back love with him was when he clinched the match point in a badminton match against junhui four months ago.

four months ago. a badminton match.

your life hasn’t been easy since.

you’ve never minded seungkwan being touchy before — that’s just how he is. he brushes stray lint off your clothes if he spots it, fixes your hair if he thinks it’s out of place, and traces the back of your ear for a few seconds when you’re nervous about something.

you love it. you love being his best friend. but what you don’t love is the way you’ve been carefully rethinking every interaction you’ve been having with him since that fateful night four months ago.

boo seungkwan is sunshine incarnate. he loves and loves and loves. he loves everyone so much that you don’t know if the love he has for you is any different from the love he has for everyone else.

sometimes you wonder if he has even the slightest hint. he’s not clueless, but he’s not very good at acting on his impulses the way you are. for him, everything needs to be measured. set in stone. approved of beforehand. something you wonder if you could just kiss him and see what happened, before realizing that a moment of happiness is not, in fact, worth a lifetime without boo seungkwan.

which is why you let out a deep sigh and curl in on yourself.

“okay, that’s it,” seungkwan says, and you hear the sound of your laptop shutting and the springs of your bed creaking before he comes into your line of sight, kneeling down on the floor in front of you on his knees, head propped up on his arms that are folded near your face.

if he was a bit closer, you could’ve even kissed him.

you wonder who let boo seungkwan be this perfect. there’s nothing about him that you dislike.

“you’re not telling me what’s wrong, and i’m not leaving till you do. you should know that by now.”

you do know that. you’re very familiar with boo seungkwan and his incredibly stubborn self that just wants to help because he loves to. he loves people. and he just doesn’t love you. not the way you want him to.

“it’s your fault,” you mumble childishly, trying to turn to the other side so he’ll have to repeat the whole ordeal, but he just grabs your hand with an iron-strong grip. damn him and his long fingers.

his fingers, weirdly enough, were the first thing you actually noticed about him when you first met him. the way he drank jeonghan under the table with his long, elegant fingers wrapped around the beer glass, draining it like it was water.

this evening, too — his fingers drumming on your thigh, his fingers brushing against your hand, his fingers brushing your hair behind your ear so that he could whisper his plan to you.

“i knew it,” he says, head lifting from the bed. “it’s not just a headache. it’s probably not even a headache, is it?”

“shut up,” you mumble, more out of the fear that he’ll find out somehow than the mortification stemming from the fact that he’s caught on so easily.

“is it really my fault, though? you’re not even letting me make up for it.”

he should be out, you think. out with the rest of your friends and out of your treacherous heart. instead he’s sitting here with your heart in his hands and he’s not even aware of it.

“you can’t do anything about it,” you huff.

“try me.”

when it becomes clear that he’s seriously not letting go of your hand even after a few minutes of silence, you turn to look at the ceiling, eyes fixed on the little cracks above you.

“have you ever…wanted something you can’t have?”

“of course i have,” he says instantly.

“oh. did you get it?”

“no,” he says easily, letting go of your hand. “but it doesn’t mean i’ve stopped trying.”

now you’re curious. you let go of the pillow so you can see him better. “what is it?”

“i’m not telling you.”

“oh, come on!”

seungkwan leans forward to ruffle your hair. “not till you tell me what’s bothering you.”

you sigh. “i can’t.”

“why not?”

“because…”

“hmm?”

“because.”

“wow,” seungkwan says, with a small laugh. “i didn’t know you were this articulate.”

“i hate you,” you say with no heat, turning around and lying down again. maybe he’ll get bored in a while and leave you to your own devices.

no such luck. one moment you’re staring at the blank wall of your room, and the next thing you is that there’s a weight on the bed right behind you. seungkwan’s weight behind you, to be specific. he’s so warm all the time. one of his hands snakes around your waist gingerly, and you tense up immediately.

sure, you’re best friends, but you’ve never done this before. sleepovers are a common thing for the two of you, but cuddling? you’re not uncomfortable, exactly, but you just don’t know what to feel.

“can i ask you a question?” seungkwan asks, and his proximity makes goosebumps rise on your arms. embarrassing.

“sure?” you manage to squeak out, definitely not focusing on how much better his voice sounds so close. and how casual he’s being about all this.

“are you really going to let random strangers on the internet control your life?”

you’re so confused by the tangent he’s gone on that you have no choice but to turn around and face him, and— bad idea. bad idea. his lips look so damn kissable that you have to physically lift your eyes from them to meet his. and he’s smiling for some reason.

you don’t know how you’re going to sleep tonight, much less make it to the next day alive.

“do you want to kiss your guy best friend?”

you feel like he’s stolen all your words. you’re aware you’re just staring at him, blinking like a goldfish, unable to speak. seungkwan lifts a hand and hovers it above your cheek, seeking your permission. he catches the minute nod you give him and rests his palm against your cheek, hand warm against your cool skin.

“i don’t care what she said,” seungkwan continues. “do you want to?”

“how did you—” you manage to choke out.

“because i can see what posts you’ve liked, silly,” seungkwan giggles, thumb swiping against your cheek before he lets go. you instantly miss the heat of his hand. “you still haven’t answered my question, by the way.”

he doesn’t seem upset, the way you thought he might be at the discovery. “if i say…yes?”

“then,” seungkwan says, leaning down, and what comes next is something you’ve only ever dreamed of. his lips are soft against yours, letting you set the pace as his hands gently card through your hair. he’s always been gentle with you underneath the teasing exterior he has, and now is no different.

when he doesn’t pull away despite your fears, you decide to take the leap and thread your hands through his hair, pulling him closer to yourself. he comes to you willingly.

you don’t know what to do with your hands when seungkwan finally pulls away. he’s out of breath. you feel oddly proud, but there’s also an unsettling feeling in your stomach. what if—

“please tell me this isn’t a one-time thing,” seungkwan says, finally looking nervous for the first time all evening long. “because then i should’ve listened to her.”

“no,” you say, feeling yourself smile like an idiot. “no. neither of us should listen to her. i don’t want it to be a one-time thing, either.”

“good,” seungkwan sighs, moving closer so his head rests on your shoulder.

“but…how long have you known?”

“how long? hmm. only a month.”

horrible. he’s been watching you suffer all this while?

“hey, stop being shy on me now,” seungkwan says, turning to look up at you. “i’ve seen the way you look at me.”

you’re sure there’s steam pouring out of your ears. “i hate you.”

“no, you don’t,” seungkwan singsongs. “because i love you far too much for that.”

you look down at him. “you…” love me?

but that wasn’t ever a question, was it? he does. you’ve seen the way he looked at you before you realized your feelings for him, and the way he’s been looking at you after, and there’s been no difference.

he’s always loved you. maybe longer than you’ve loved him.

there’s a warm feeling spreading through your chest that makes you push seungkwan away and hide your head in his neck so he doesn’t see you. he lets out a little laugh and rests a hand on your back.

“do you want to go out and introduce everyone to your…boyfriend?” he asks, shy, and it’s a sight to behold because boo seungkwan’s always anything but shy.

“boyfriend?”

“does it sound okay?” he asks sheepishly.

he gets his answer in the form of a kiss.

taglist: @bookyeom @wootify @strnsvt @cloudycaramel @thepoopdokyeomtouched @minnieminshi @nonononranghaee @hrts4hanniehae @viewvuu

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

So Much To Teach

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: quite a few; dom Spencer kinda, oral (f receiving), age gap; reader is 21+ but it's a lil dubious by default bc he's her professor and therefore an authority figure but shhhh its fine shhhh, fingering, marking a little bit, p in v sex, they both talking diiiiirty, minor praise, risky sex, multiple orgasms, edging- I think I got everything??

Genre: Smut

Summary: You want your professor's attention but you had no idea what would happen if you got it- you also had no idea you'd get it by talking to a classmate

Part 2

***

Professor Reid is by far your favorite teacher ever and you make sure to make it as obvious as you can get away with. You're always early to his class, you sit in the front row, ask questions as often as you can, take full advantage of his office hours- all of it. You're determined to make Spencer Reid think of you as often as you think of him. Unbeknownst to you, you didn't need to put so much effort into capturing his attention. Not that you'd ever be able to tell, Spencer is always the epitome of professionalism. Well, almost always. He's human after all and you- you might as well be a siren. On the days you come in wearing your shortest skirts, toying with the hem absentmindedly, it's practically impossible for him to keep his gaze above your desk. He's not careless though, only allowing himself to stare when he's not the focus, during exams for example. He especially loves presentation days because he can spend them shamelessly eye-fucking you while you're busy addressing the class. You never seem to notice the way his attention drifts to you, and he's counting his lucky stars for it. He's plenty aware of the implications of his little crush. He wouldn't be so stupid as to make a move on you, especially while you're still his student. Spencer has spent more than enough time convincing himself that the risks outweigh the reward. For now, he'll have to be content watching you from a distance, even when you saunter into his office in your tight blouses to discuss your homework. On those days he knows the memory of your boobs practically spilling out of those shirts will keep him up for at least another hour later that night.

Weeks of your silent game that you're sure he's not actually picking up on have you growing bored of focusing only on getting his attention. Sure you want him to think about you, but you're not so crazy to think he'd risk his job to say, bend you over his office desk like you so desperately wish he would every time you go in there. You're young and in college and while the boys here do not hold your attention the same way, you're not above a little distraction. Which is why today you walk into class chatting with another student, a guy named Matt who has been trying to get you to notice him for a while now. Professor Reid isn't in the class yet and you hop on top of your desk as you talk to Matt about some sports thing. You're not totally following but he's cute so you giggle and pretend you get it, swinging your legs and batting your eyelashes in the way you know college boys respond so well to. You hardly even notice Spencer enter the classroom, but he zeros in immediately on the sight of you smiling at some kid. Matt's a good student, Spencer really has nothing against him, but he rolls his eyes at the two of you knowing that Matt would never be able to keep up with you.

"Quiet down everyone. Miss y/n your butt belongs in a seat, not on a desk and Mister Lewis I suggest you find somewhere to sit as well so we can begin." Spencer addresses you and Matt sharply, catching you off guard. He's never spoken to you that way but you can't help the amused look on your face as you mutter an affirmative and hop off the desk to sit in your chair. Maybe something's going on that put him in a bad mood. The class goes by smoothly after that and Matt is at your desk as soon as Spencer dismisses you all. Spencer has to turn his back to the room to hide the way his face twists up watching you.

The next class again, you walk in with Matt, this time Spencer is there already so you sit directly in your seat but Matt stays and talks to you while you wait for class to officially start. Spencer has to tamp his desire to break the conversation up for no reason until enough students pile in that he begins the lesson. This goes on for two more sessions, you walk in with Matt, twirling your hair, giggling at him, flaunting your gorgeous figure in flattering outfits that he openly gawks at you in, all while Spencer tries to keep himself from the edge of insanity. He has no right to be so put out by this, you're a student for crying out loud. He tries to remember that, tries hard to keep himself in check even as Matt basically invades your personal space as you're sitting on your desk before class again. You let him get entirely too close for Spencer's liking and when he sees you lean forward he can't stop himself from interrupting.

"Miss y/n." Spencer drawls out in a way that makes you want to shiver. "I've already told you desktops are not for sitting. Don't make me tell you again." Spencer says effectively ruining whatever was about to happen between you and Matt. He even backs off to let you get down from your desk.

"I'll see you after class okay?" You tell Matt sweetly and Spencer absolutely cannot take any more of this. He begins his lecture though his mind is somewhere else through most of it. He's busy planning. When the time comes and he dismisses the class Matt is quickly making his way to you and Spencer realizes he has to move now.

"Miss y/n. You don't have a class after this do you?" Spencer asks.

"No professor. Is something the matter?" You ask.

"There's something I'd like to discuss with you. Come with me to my office." He instructs.

"O-okay?" You frown. Matt does too from where he stopped when Spencer called your name. Spencer waits for you to finish collecting your things before he heads towards the class's exit. "I'll- I'll catch you later I guess Matt." You say over your shoulder before following Spencer. You try to think what this could be about. Your last paper was great, you know it was, plus there's no way he's through grading those yet, you aced the most recent test you took- there's no way he's calling you into his office because of the desk-sitting thing- is there? When you reach Spencer's office he shuts the door behind you and stands on the other side of his desk. He doesn't sit- which you find strange but nothing about this has been normal thus far.

"Is there a problem sir?" You ask sitting down.

"Is there a problem?! You- never mind. No y/n, no problem." Spencer forces himself to restrain that overwhelming urge he has to yell over Matt or simply split you open on his desk, or in his office chair, or against the wall- he shakes the thought from his mind, scrambling for an excuse for calling you to his office. "I just wanted to discuss something from- your paper."

"Oh you've started grading the papers?" You ask. He's only just gotten to them. He doesn't even think he's graded yours all the way through yet but he can't tell you the truth, that you're only here so you didn't walk out with Matt.

"Yes I have and there was something interesting... in your paper. I just need to find it, give me- a minute." Spencer shuffles through things on his desk, he's stalling and he hopes you don't notice.

"Professor Reid?" You tilt your head at him.

"Just a minute y/n." He mutters.

"Professor." You frown, your voice is forceful enough that he glances up at you. "I know you know exactly where my paper is. And I know that if there was really something you wanted to discuss in said paper you'd already have it memorized. You're almost irritatingly punctilious, I've been in your office more than enough times to know that. So what's really going on?"

"I suppose I should've expected this from one of my smartest students." He muses with a shake of his head.

"I know we're not friends by any means since you're my professor and all but we're both adults and I hope you'd respect me enough to tell me the truth." You tell him.

"Believe me I am trying very hard."

"To tell the truth or respect me?" You cross your arms.

"I respect you implicitly and because of that telling the truth here is- conflicting."

"Professor Reid, what am I doing in your office? I've asked you much harder questions than that in class."

"If only you knew." He scoffs.

"Professor-"

"You're right. I didn't call you in here to discuss a paper." He sighs knowing he's out of escapes. "It's that boy you've been draping yourself over all month." Spencer says through clenched teeth.

"Matt? You called me in here to discuss Matt? Why? Is he failing or something?"

"No. He maintains a solid B average in my class."

"Okay, then I'm really not understanding professor. What does Matt have to do with anything?" You shake your head.

"It is infuriating to watch him with you as if he has even the slightest chance of satisfying you in any way." Spencer walks over to you as he speaks, punctuating his sentence by leaning against the arms of your chair which forces you to lean back.

"And- what makes you the authority on who could satisfy me?" You ask breathily, blinking up at him.

"Considering you haven't even tried to move away from me I'd guess you know as well as I do." Spencer stares at you intently.

"Are you making a move on me professor?" You ask with feigned innocence that you know he sees through.

"Am I not being clear enough?" He asks.

"I dunno."

"Then allow me to make myself unequivocal." Spencer closes the small gap between you two, pressing his lips against yours fiercely. His hands hold your face as he pours all of his feelings and frustrations into this kiss. You grab hold of his wrists as you surrender yourself to the feeling of his mouth on yours. When he finally pulls away you're both left panting but a dam has been broken with that single kiss and your hands are pulling off his tie before he's even realized it. You stand up and kiss him again, fingers tangling in his hair, while his hands settle against your waist easily. He doesn't let you lead things for long, turning you both to sit you on his desk. "I'm going to show you everything that silly boy could never give you." Spencer grumbles against your lips.

"I never pegged you for the jealous type Professor Reid." You giggle.

"I've never been good at sharing." He quips kissing his way down your throat.

"Go figure." You mutter with a breathy sigh when his kisses turn to nips and sucks. "Careful. If you visibly mark me I'll have to lie." You tell him which only seems to spur him on and you yelp after a particularly harsh bite.

"Lie?" He frowns at you.

"I mean I can't very well say 'Professor Reid gave me those hickies' now can I?" You say and Spencer laughs as he drops into the chair in front of you.

"No, I suppose not, but you can absolutely use them to let people know you're taken." He says shuffling closer to you and pulling your underwear off from under your skirt.

"By people you mean Matt don't you?" You smile, amused at how miffed he is over your little distraction.

"Say his name again in here and I'll turn that ass of yours so red that you'll still have trouble sitting by next class." Spencer glances up at you with a warning look that has your exposed cunt clenching around nothing. An action he doesn't catch, seeing as your skirt is still hiding your center from him. He bunches your skirt up at your hips as he lifts you onto his desk and adjusts your legs so your feet are on it, knees wide so he can simply watch how your pussy glistens for a moment. His gaze is intense and soon you're squirming against the dark wood he's displayed you on.

"Professor Reid, touch me- please." You pout at him.

"Someone's getting impatient huh? You just look so pretty I can't help but want to stare." His words make you blush and the restlessness gets worse as he leisurely folds the sleeves of his button down shirt to reveal his forearms.

"Please professor-" You sigh.

"I like hearing you beg." Spencer's grin is nothing short of sadistic but he leans forward and lets his tongue drag through your wetness with a satisfied groan. He shifts to hold your legs open as he feasts on you like a man starved. It's hard to keep track of his tongue, thrusting in and out of you, circling your clit, disappearing entirely as he suckles harshly on the bundle of nerves all with incredible veracity. It's like he figured out how to read your body before he even began and he's got you teetering on the edge faster than you'd like to admit. Your hands tug desperately at his brown hair as you feel your orgasm building. Before you can even warn him of your incoming release he's switching his tactic, dragging you back from that end, still pleasing you but rather than feeding the fire he's simply maintaining it where it is.

"No!" You whine before you can stop yourself when you feel your orgasm slipping further away. His responding chuckle only adds to your frustration.

"If you're gonna cum princess it'll be when I'm ready for you to. Understood?" Spencer doesn't even lift his head as he speaks. He nips at your swollen clit when you don't answer and after a yelp, you manage a response.

"Y-yes sir." You get out.

"Good girl." He mutters lapping at your juices yet again. Same as before, he easily works you towards the edge with his tongue in all the right places, and like before, when your orgasm is in reach he walks you backwards. This time you manage to hold back your sound of frustration and then his fingers enter the mix and your small whimpers become full on whines as he curls two digits inside you just right to have you arching off of his desk. With his mouth focused solely on your clit while his fingers thrust in and out of you diligently, not to mention the previous denials, you're practically shaking as he works you up again.

"Professor Reid please let me cum this time, please sir- fuck I can't- I need to cum so bad. Please professor- I- I can't. Oh god." Your breathless pleas are barely sensible, but they satisfy Spencer and he doesn't pull back this time, doesn't stop until you're clenching around his fingers and spasming on his desk, struggling to handle the impact of your own orgasm. He watches the way pure ecstasy washes over your face with a smirk on his face as he helps you through it with gentle strokes of his fingers. When your breathless gasps become more subdued he pulls his hand away from your center. Before you can fully recover, Spencer pulls you off of the desk and turns your back to him, bending you over the desk with a hand at your back.

"Fuck- I need a condom." He mutters.

"Do you have any?"

"I- no? I don't regularly fuck people in my office y/n."

"I- have one in my bag. Front pocket." You mutter. Spencer reaches for your backpack and grabs the condom quickly, rolling it on with ease.

"I'm going to absolutely ruin you for anyone else." He tells you before thrusting himself into you. Inch by inch he slides deeper inside you and pinned against his desk all you can do is moan at the fullness. He sets a rhythm as soon as he bottoms out, his dick dragging against your walls with each hard thrust. 

"Fuck- god that feels good." You mewl.

"Yeah? You like the way my dick splits you open don't you? Knew you would. You're absolutely perfect for me. Just me. Isn't that right?" He grunts through his filthy words, each one punctuated with another forceful thrust.

"Yeah- yes. God- yes."

"Say it. Say your mine princess."

"I- I'm yours sir. All yours. N-no one else's. No one else could fuck me like this- m-make me feel like this. Just you. Holy sh-shit." You pant out. Spencer's thrusts are rocking the entire desk at this point and you are sure the skin where your hips are ramming against the edge will be sore tomorrow but right now all you can focus on is how good it feels to be fucked like this. Better than you imagined and god you hope he never stops.

"Good girl." He breathes out.

"Feels so good Professor." You whine.

"I know, fuck I know. You feel so perfect y/n." Spencer groans. His hand wraps around your throat and pulls your back against his chest as he fucks you. Spencer's other hand, slides across your waist, finding your clit easily. He toys with the bundle of nerves and your hands grip the edge of the desk as you whine.

"Oh my god." You gasp.

"Let go for me y/n. Wanna feel you on my dick."  Spencer says, kissing your shoulder. Your hand grabs at his arm desperate to ground yourself as your orgasm washes over you. Spencer hisses, your nails digging into his skin deliciously. His hips stutter and he groans, long and deep, as he spills into his condom, face buried in your neck. You both remain where you are, panting in the aftermath of it for several moments before Spencer breaks the silence.

"Did you have a condom because you planned on fucking Matt?" He asks and you can't help but laugh.

"No, I just always carry some. I like preparedness." You say, stuttering a bit when Spencer chooses to slip out of you while you speak.

"I'll have to start keeping some in here." He says, pulling his condom off and disposing of it.

"Planning on building a roster for yourself Professor Reid?" You quip adjusting yourself to lean back against the desk instead of still bending over it. Your tone is light but you'll admit you won't take it well if he says yes. Spencer frowns at you as he reaches into his desk for something.

"Is that a serious question?" He asks walking over to you with a packet of wipes in hand.

"Well it was a joke really but if you want to take it seriously be my guest." You shrug. He kneels in front of you, his frown deepening as he considers your words.

"No y/n I'm not 'building a roster'. The only person I'm planning on fucking in here is you, but it shouldn't be your responsibility to provide contraceptive methods for that. Also I've been inside you, I think you can call me Spencer when we're alone." He says gently cleaning you up. You try not to squirm at the intimacy of the whole thing.

"Oh. Okay." You can't think of anything else to say.

"Let me make something clear to you I'm not- I didn't just fuck you to get it out of my system and move on after this y/n. I'd actually like to continue something with you- unless of course, you have no interest in that, I won't pressure you. Although I can't imagine you can go back to Matt after that."

"You really hate him huh?" You laugh.

"He's a fine student. I just don't particularly like the way he drools over you." Spencer shrugs. "But it won't matter if you choose to see me again."

"I will. See you again I mean. This was fun." You say. A knock on the locked office door stops Spencer from speaking.

"Professor Reid?" A voice calls on the other side of the door. A student.

"Just a moment!" Spencer says, he quickly takes a moment to adjust your hair for you and pick up some of the scattered things from his desk while you fix your clothes.

"Spencer where is my underwear?!" You whisper at him.

"Oh I'll be holding onto that." Spencer winks at you, tapping his pocket where your panties are no doubt stuffed. You shoot him a look but grab your backpack and head towards the door.

"Thank you for answering my questions Professor! See you in class next week." You say loudly as you open the door. A boy you don't recognize is on the other side of it. He must be from one of Spencer's other sessions.

"Yes of course. See you next week." His response is almost dismissive, enough that this other student should have no idea what was going on before he showed up and only once you're practically out of the building do you let your giddy smile take over your face as you walk back to your apartment.

***

Part 2

[fluentmoviequoter]

Finally Home

Requested Here!

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!shy!military doctor!reader (r is Lucy's adopted sister)

Summary: You enlist your boyfriend Tim to help you surprise your (adoptive) sister Lucy after being deployed for several months.

Warnings: brief angst and depictions of loneliness/depression, then lots of fluff!

Word Count: 1.6k+ words

Picture from Pinterest

Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

Being adopted into the Chen family continues to be the best thing that ever happened to you. It didn’t help your shyness much, but the love and sense of belonging you’ve found outweigh all the bad you’ve experienced. When you joined the military, becoming a military doctor, you overcame your shyness enough to be a great doctor. However, when you stop being a doctor, you’re back to the shy sister Lucy knows and loves.

The last time you were stateside, you met Tim Bradford and fell for him quickly. During the six months you were home, Tim learned nearly everything there is to know about you, and he loves all of you.

Now, in your seventh month stationed in Europe, you look forward to your weekly call home. You call one of two numbers: Tim or Lucy. They’re always together when it’s time to answer, so you know you’ll get a chance to talk to both of them and grow shy from across an ocean. Your dog is sitting beside you as the call begins.

“Hey, sis!” Lucy greets happily when the line connects.

The picture is blurry today, but you smile when you see your sister. She’s in her uniform, in an empty office at the police station. Being seven hours ahead means you usually catch her or Tim while they’re at work.

“Hi,” you answer. “Is Tim there?”

“He’s actually on patrol,” she answers. “I’m sorry; there’s a huge problem here right now so they’ve got a ton of people out there.”

“That’s okay. How are you?”

Lucy looks up when a door opens and turns the computer away.

“I’m pretty good. I want to hear about you, though, because not much has changed here.”

“Move,” Tim demands.

You can only see his hand as he reaches for the computer, and you duck away from the camera as they compete for your attention.

“Chen,” Tim says.

“Which one?” you ask.

“The one whose badge I can take. Just let me say hello.”

“Why don’t you just sit together?” you suggest. “Not to say I don’t enjoy this.”

Tim huffs as he pulls a chair beside Lucy, forcefully turning the computer so you can see both of them. He smiles, and you forget what you were going to say.

“Any word on when you’ll be home next?” Lucy asks.

“Nothing. I’m hoping to hear something soon though. There isn’t much happening, so they’ll probably need to move me soon anyway.”

“Then they should let you call more often,” Tim comments.

“I agree. I miss you.”

Tim elbows Lucy gently.

“She meant both of us,” Lucy argues. “Didn’t you?”

You nod and look up suddenly.

“I have to go,” you explain. “I’m so sorry. I love both of you and I’ll talk to you as soon as I can.”

“I love you,” Tim replies.

“Love you, sis. Be safe,” Lucy adds just before the call ends. “I miss her, Tim.”

“I know.”

Lucy continues staring at the blank screen, and Tim asks her about something he noticed days ago.

“What’s going on?”

“I just- I’m sad all the time. I don’t know if it’s just because she’s gone because I’ve been dealing with her deployments for years, but the only thing I want, have wanted for weeks, is to see her. It’s hard doing everything without her when she’s the only person I want to share things with.”

“I’m sorry, Lucy.”

“Bradford, Chen, we need you back out there when you’re done. This crime spree is getting worse each time we try to make progress,” Wade says.

“Lets go, we’ll ride together,” Tim offers.

“Like the good old days!”

“I hope not exactly like those.”

✯✯✯✯✯

“Superiors are giving you a choice,” your MC commander begins. “Transfer to Germany or temporary leave before being stationed in Fort Bliss, Texas.”

“What would I be doing in Texas, sir?” you ask.

“Continued training and teaching, mostly. And the temporary leave is only two months, but after all this time in Europe I assume you’d return to sunny Los Angeles.”

“I’d like to take the Fort Bragg position, sir.”

“Okay, I’ll let the Surgeon General’s office know. I’m sorry to have interrupted your call; video broadcast has ended, but if you’d like to make a phone call, share the good news, go ahead.”

“Thank you, sir.”

You walk into a private office, dialing Tim’s number and hoping he’s alone. Lucy has been down the last two times you’ve talked. She hides it well, but you’re her sister and can see through her.

“Bradford,” Tim answers.

“Chen,” you reply. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah, I am. What’s going on?”

“Is my sister okay? She’s seemed really sad.”

Tim sighs before he answers, “She misses you. A lot.”

“Then I need your help with something. I’m coming home.”

“When?” Tim asks. “I mean, I’ll help you with anything, but I’m so happy to get to see you again.”

You press your lips together, feeling heat rising in your cheeks.

“I should be there in a week or so, but I’ll let you know a date when I have one.”

“Okay. And the help?”

“I want to surprise Lucy. Any ideas?”

“Well, there is a restaurant she can’t stop talking about.”

“Tim? I’m going to be home for two months.”

“I get you for two months?”

“I can’t wait,” you answer sarcastically.

“Give me a date and time and I’ll get Lucy there.”

“Will she get suspicious?”

“Who do you think I am? She won’t have a clue.”

✯✯✯✯✯

A week later, Lucy has been checking her phone nonstop. She hasn’t heard from you since you abruptly ended the last call, and her concern and sadness about missing you are beginning to overflow. All of her fellow cops have noticed, so when you call and ask a few of them to meet at Lucy’s favorite restaurant to cheer her up, they happily agree.

“Get ready,” Tim demands at the end of the shift. “We’re going to dinner.”

“Why?” Lucy asks.

“Because we’re both worried and need a distraction. She’s fine, but you’re going to make yourself sick worrying like this, Lucy.”

“Okay. Give me ten minutes. Where are we going?”

“Your favorite.”

Lucy smirks as she walks to the locker room. Tim checks his phone but hasn’t received any message saying you landed.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Easy, boy,” you whisper, patting your dog over the Military K-9 vest as the plane lands.

The other passengers are kind enough to let you get your duffel bag and exit the plane first, rushing to the car rental counter and leaving for the restaurant. You’re running late, and don’t even think about letting Tim know you’re back in Los Angeles. As you park, seeing the ‘Service Animals Welcome’ sign on the door, you realize you forgot to tell Tim your dog is with you.

“Let’s go introduce you to my family.”

Pulling your phone from your pocket, you call Tim.

“Hey,” he answers. “I don’t have long before your sister shoves me over a balcony to talk to you.”

“Patio?” you ask, smiling.

“Yep.”

“I’ll be over in a minute.”

“Is that my sister?” Lucy asks, attempting to pull Tim’s arm away from his ear to take the phone.

“Tim, I have to go. I love you. Tell Lucy I said hi,” you say before ending the call.

✯✯✯✯✯

Lucy sits down, dejected. She tries to enjoy the appetizers and her friends sitting around her, but she wishes you were at the party. The door opens, and Lucy glances over before picking up her head and giving her full attention to the person walking through the door. Her jaw drops as she watches you walk toward her, a dog at your side. Lucy’s shock turns to a smile as she jumps from her seat to hug you. As you return her hug, smiling as you whisper how happy you are to see her, Tim’s hand covers yours as he takes the leash from you.

“Hey, bud,” he says to the dog. “Lucy, could I get a turn?”

“No,” she says against your shoulder.

“Hi, Tim,” you greet, turning your face away when he smiles.

“Hiding from my smile,” he muses. “Can you survive two months with me?”

“Two months?!” Lucy repeats, pulling back.

“I like your dress,” you murmur, seeing her for the first time in too long. “And, yes, I have two months of leave before I move to Fort Bliss.”

“Where is that?”

“Texas.”

“You’re staying stateside?” Tim interjects, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You shrug, turning in his arms to hug him.

“Welcome home,” he says, kissing your jaw as his arms tighten around you.

“Thanks for helping me with the surprise.”

“I’ll always be here with you.”

“So will I!” Lucy adds.

“Are you going to fight to hug me now?” you ask.

“Yes!” everyone at the table answers.

“And you brought a dog!” Lucy cheers, lowering her hand to pet your dog.

“I love you,” Tim says, pulling a chair out so you can sit between him and Lucy.

“I love you,” you reply softly. “I have one more thing I didn’t tell you, though.”

“What?” Lucy and Tim ask together.

“The position I took is a teaching job, so I’ll have more time to visit.”

They hug you simultaneously, no longer fighting over who gets to go first. You drop your chin towards Tim’s arm and smile. When your dog puts his paws in your lap and joins the hug, you know you are finally home. Sitting at a table with the two people you love most in the world, you know the next two months will be amazing, even if you're shy the entire time.

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

ok the askbox is open. im taking this opportunity to say ohhhhh im going crazy over the narrative constructed here. specifically with how audience (anon) interaction is intertwined with the main conflict.

because its like.. we are inherently a BAD THING. yes, some of us are actually malicious, but even if we do have kind intentions, and only want the best for ragatha.. just being there is a negative impact that outweighs any positives. we are a parasite, after all. and technically, the only positive action we could do is to simply.. stop engaging. leave the askblog alone. leave ragatha alone. except we could never do that, because we're too curious now, too attached- we want to see how the story continues, how it ends. we cant leave well enough alone, we just have to know. we need to know. so the cycle will continue nonetheless due to our nature. and we have to watch as our main character, the person we're rooting for, gets worse and worse. knowing that its our fault, because we're choosing to engage. we're choosing this path of pain. because we're curious, and that curiosity would kill us if we didn't feed it.

and of course its on a tadc tumblr ask blog of all things lol. no hate btw. im here enjoying it after all! though honestly i say that like this had any opportunity of existing outside of the askblog genre... or even the tumblr landscape itself- i feel like the anon feature itself is also a big part of this sort of narrative, as it allows those actively malicious anons to be even nastier. because it distances us from our actions. like.. we're given a mask, something that obscures our true identities (both to the other askers.. and to ragatha to an extent, as most all look the same to her. who knows, maybe that one supportive anon trying to cheer her up is the same one also encouraging her downfall! she cant tell!)- a thing that wipes our hands free of any consequences. a chance to become faceless and untraceable- so of course some people will indulge. be as horrible as possible. because, hey, its not like you'll be getting any consequences for it! no way to trace it back to you! no way to be held accountable! you can just sit back and watch the fire you made grow higher. more bright. thats the main goal, after all- to make a spectacle! to move the story along and make it exciting! thats the only thing that matters to you. that its entertaining. not the people you'll be harming in the process.

anyways sorry for the fucking. essay. in your askbox. i like talking and also i fucking love dissecting meta-aligned narratives like this. gggrrggrgrgrrrr chewing on this blog like a chewtoy. i hope everyone gets worse and this whole blog blows up!!!!!!!

i can't stop giggling at ' its on a tadc tumblr ask blog of all things ' . this was really originally supposed to just be a silly blog with little story but here we are . you really won't get this anywhere else

i get pretty happy when someone dissects this silly thing so no need to apologize !! i'm my own harshest critic when it comes to this blog so it's often difficult for me to grasp what meaning people get out of this lol truly thank you guys for wanting to see my insane , Unhinged ideas come through

and i love the dissection on the mean anons - a lot of this thing hinges on actions having consequences after all ! every little thing will have an impact on ragatha's mental state . i'll say i think the anons have potential to not be as harmful - as there was a point in the blog's time where they acted more like inner therapists to ragatha than reality-bending beings of chaos ( good times ) . it just really depends on being patient with an actually mentally ill person like ragatha - it does fascinate me how people's frustration with her echoes real life mental health situations .

but yeah thanks !!! i'll be kissing this essay and pinning it on the refrigerator that i call my brain (:

[rivalriotrenegade]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

About this fic: This is technically supposed to be a Monster Simon x reader but can also be read as just human Simon. The monster type isn't specified so you can read it with whatever monster you have in mind! This is also inspired by @ghouljams Fae!Ghost AU. So if you like this I HIGHLY recommend checking out some of their stuff. Its amazing!

Word count: 719

Warnings: GN reader, small references to kinks and slight NSFW so if you ain't 18 this ain't for you :) Sorry not sorry. I also can't figure out the :readmore: so that's my bad guys.

You sit on Simon’s lap quietly reading as his face rests between your shoulder and neck, completely unaware of the inner turmoil that he’s currently going through. The longer you sit there, the more the edges of his mind begin to fray as he takes in your scent. 

It calls to him. Reawakens parts of himself he thought he had long since buried. A forgotten instinct that he had tucked away deep within the darkest corners of his mind. Slowly, he feels it coming back to life, the darker, more possessive parts of himself.

The parts that make him want to snarl and snap at anyone who gets too close, at anyone who would dare take you away. Friend or foe, it doesn’t matter. He wants to stay like this forever, everyone else be damned. 

He toys with the thought of sinking his fangs into you, of permanently marking you as his. His mouth waters at the thought. Simon Riley was never one to make a show of things, but the idea of everyone knowing who you belong to fills his head with plenty of dark fantasies. 

His instincts scream at him to do it. “Now! Before someone else comes and takes them away!” They cry. If he was thinking logically he’d know that you would never leave him for anyone else, but he’s not thinking logically. All he knows is that you’re his and he needs everyone else to know it too. “Mine. Mine. MINE!” 

Unconsciously he digs his fingers into you, pulling your body impossibly closer to him, determined to keep you there. Your flesh fills his hands perfectly, so soft and supple and all his. 

The things he’d do for you, the things he’d do to keep you safe are outweighed only by the things he wants to do to you. All the nasty, horrible things. Things that’d make you scream and cry and beg for mercy… or maybe you’d beg for more? He doesn’t know which sounds better. 

He wants you under him, filled to the brim with everything he has to offer! He wants to bring you to the brink of sanity and push you over it again and again. It doesn’t really matter how, though he might have some preferences. 

Tied up and blindfolded or lost and hunted? Either would do. Humans are always so scared of the unknown, but he’d make sure you had nothing to fear. Nothing but him, that is. Pain and pleasure can be interchangeable or are they one in the same? 

He doesn’t know anymore. Blame the war or the torture he’s endured or even his fucked up childhood. All he knows is that whatever it is it feels good. He’s never cared for anyone else’s pleasure but his own, but he wants, no he needs for you to feel good too. 

But you're so different from him. Would you be able to handle all the vile things he’d do to you? Could you handle being held down and marked up? Could you handle being manhandled, bent to his every whim and desire as he slammed into you? Could you even take his—

“Are you okay? You’re breathing kind of heavy.” You ask him sweetly and just like that he snaps out of it. Carefully he shakes his head dismissing the intrusive thoughts. “I’m fine love, just go back to reading, yeah?” You look at him, tilting your head inquisitively. “Are you sure?” You ask. His heart hammers inside his chest, like a caged animal trying to break free. “Yeah lovie, I’m sure.” 

Your eyes soften and you smile at him in a way that gets his blood racing. “I love you.” You say, so gently that it’s hard to even fathom that you’re talking to him. A man so messed up and broken. He swallows thickly. He can hardly believe that someone like you, so kind and caring, gentle to a fault, would choose to love a monster like him. If you knew what really went on inside his head, would you still love him? 

He has to remind himself that you don’t know what goes on inside his head. You're so far away from the monster that he knows himself to be. So for now he’ll keep on indulging in you. “I love you too.” 

That's all guys! I hope you enjoyed it and I also really hope it wasn't too cringe. If you have thoughts on it please let me know. Constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated. Have a lovely day!

[rhetoricalsoapbox]

Dammit this is one of netflix's few shows like this to actually get an ending, and it felt so wasted.

I could be entirely wrong, but I feel like some of the "celebrity/well known actor popups" from Nick Offerman and David Cross were there to make up for some of what the writing lacked. There were some well written moments, memorable scenes, etc. but sometimes the bad outweighed the good and it just came across as poorly written and lackluster.

There's so many plot holes left that will likely never ever have an answer to them, and I think that's been a consistent issue with the writing as the show has progressed.

It's good to leave your audience with questions to keep them curious and wanting to see more, but you have to answer those questions. Scrolling through the tua tags makes me feel horrible because there's just post after post of people's lists of questions to unfilled plot holes and unanswered questions.

I have a ton of questions too! If they needed everyone's to counteract the durango, why weren't the other 35 needed, and what happened to them in the new/correct timeline? Did they just spontaneously disappear without knowing it would happen? Or are they not even relevant in this conversation?

Again, it isn't bad to leave an audience curious for answers, but you have to provide them with those answers or at least give them hints and clues to figure it out.

I feel like some issues wouldn't even be getting discussed right now if it weren't (again) for the quality of the writing. Nearly every character seemed as if they'd been written by someone who just glanced at their story and character sheet without knowing much about them. You seriously expect me to believe that Five never would have caught scent of the fact that there were Keepers in the CIA? And you just want me to believe in general that he ever even would work for the CIA?

Klaus had a poor/unfinished character arc, Luther never got to have closure with Sloane and was just made practically to be a joke the whole season, Lila was a mary sue, there was such a rushed conclusion to how Diego and Lila handled their marital issues and the whole Five debacle, and so many other off-putting things.

I'm just sitting here with my head spinning. Like??? I'm still trying to process what I just watched, not because I'm clueless about it, but just because it was so

urgh.

[beget-lazarus]

Just a little something, more bittersweet and softer than I normally write. It does take place in the same verse as the rest of my ficlets, however.

Content warnings for past character death, references to SI and attempts, and some cosmic existentialism. Hurt with... I guess it could be counted as comfort. Sort of. Some minimal comfort.

Written from Ximena's point of view.

Ximena sits on the ledge by the river, remembering the last time she'd been here. It had been chance, fate, intuition, her husband's late spirit.... any combination of factors had drawn her here, but regardless, she had been there at just the right time.

At the time, she'd been trying to talk her baby boy down from the ledge– one of the many he'd found himself standing on throughout the years. Bound to the earth by loose threads, and the thought of hurting his loved ones outweighing the weight of himself for the times they walked him down.

Now, she sits on the ledge once again, this time with the intention of spilling him over.

"I went up to the top of the gates the other day," Mel had told her as she'd tapped her nails lightly against the little glass in her hands. It was painted by her own careful hands with the colors of House Talis. "I suppose I wanted one last measure of closure, and to see if... anything at all remained. His- his hammer hadn't been disturbed yet, ashed as it was already."

With that she had held the small urn out to her, and Ximena had barely drawn her hand away from her mouth before she'd clung to it, drawing it close over her heart and hiding it from view in her hands. All that was left... no body, an empty casket, and a slip of paper burned in vigil for all the lost...

And all that was left of her baby, her boy. The Talis line ended as it began, with hammers and dust, all carefully flaked apart to fit into a jar that she could fit into her hands. It's not much bigger than he was a newborn, the first time she'd held him in her arms. It's that thought that brings her to her knees with a sob. Despair chokes her throat from the inside. Threatens to drag her down into the same abyss her son's mind always lurked in.

After, when Mel had withdrawn her arms from around her shoulders, the young woman had sighed and retrieved another jar from the elegant bag she wore at her side– a new addition to her usual look.

"I also have... I wasn't sure what to do with it. It felt wrong, somehow, to dash it without giving him the same level of care. I was never close with him, nor particularly fond of him, all things considered. But he was intrinsic with him. There couldn't be one without the other, and I wished I'd seen that sooner."

Painted with the same care as her boy's, the second urn is a soft purple and smaller. So much smaller, and she'd felt a horrible combination of rage and grief and loss alike at the sight of it. She'd almost been tempted to sling it against a wall, but she couldn't do that to Jayce's memory. Even in his death, she can hear him asking her to forgive Viktor because it was "his fault, too."

Intrinsic, indeed. She knows what Mel meant. So instead, she'd sucked her teeth, dragged her composure together, kicking and screaming, and hugged Mel tight to her. She was going to miss this young woman when she left Piltover.

And now, she's here. On the ledge that held so many memories for her family, good and bad. The wind whispers through her hair, rustling the tall grasses and the leaves of the handful of trees along the bank. She remembers sitting on this very ledge twenty-odd years ago, watching from the campsite as her son and husband swam through the tiny rapids in the river. The water is so clean, here, the air so pure... even moreso than the air of Piltover.

She rubs her thumb across the urn at her side, holding the other to her chest.

"The man you were before it all went wrong... you deserved this much, at least. Clean air. Clean water. No prying eyes full of judgment. This world failed you so terribly for you to feel so wronged that you were willing to cast the whole world away. I hope... I hope wherever you are now, you can find peace. Find a better life. Make better decisions and better mistakes. Human mistakes. Let only the gods be gods."

With that, she opened the second urn and upturned it into the wind, carrying the ashes of his crutch out across the river. The breeze blows harder for just a moment, a soft carress against her hair.

"And Jayce. My son. My baby. My little love since you were born... you always tried to be good for me. I know how much you were hurting. How often you hurt. I know no one ever saw it because you held it on the inside instead of the outside, but I'm so proud of you. You were so strong for so long, and I hope wherever you are now, it's no longer heavy. I hope your life is full of light and joy and all the things you deserved but couldn't keep. I love you. Mama will always love you."

And with that, she upturned the first urn. The wind blew fiercely once more, carrying the ashes on the breeze across the river that he spent so much of his childhood in. She hopes his father is waiting wherever they are to greet him, to sweep him up in his giant arms and hold him like he should have gotten to do one last time. And, despite the hurt in her heart, the mockery of hatred, she hopes Viktor is right by his side. She can't picture them not together.

When she stands to leave hours later, having cried out her grief and sorrow as much as she can manage, she gasps. The sun dips just right on the horizon, casting the sky into shades of gold and amber and lavender and red. A natural phenomenon, one she's seen many tines over, but something about today, about tonight; the colors are a mirror to the ones on the now-empty urns. She smiles. For the first time in weeks, she smiles and it feels small and fragile and real.

"Goodnight, boys. I love you."

And her love is true.

[slayfics]

Explosive Tendencies a slow but fanfic about the readers developing relationship with Katsuki Bakugo.

Chapter five: the test exercises are finally here.

Chapter links

With the written tests completed, the test exercise was finally commencing. It was revealed that the test exercise was for two students to go up against one of the U.A. teachers.

Katsuki had stormed off practically as soon as he was told his partner was Izuku. You watched as he walked off and Izuku's face fell. It was clear Izuku would have liked to strategize with him especially given that they were paired against All Might.

You weren't exactly shocked that even those circumstances didn't persuade Katsuki to talk to Izuku. The rest of the class seemed to just pass off Katsuki as hating Izuku and being a bully, which wasn't exactly wrong. However, it was painfully obvious to you that things ran even deeper than that.

Katsuki didn't just simply hate Izuku, there was something about Izuku that triggered Katsuki's own insecurities. As if Izuku being a good hero would make Katsuki less of one. You couldn't really understand why though. What was it about Izuku that triggered those insecurities so deeply with Katsuki?

Even more, it baffled you that Katsuki clearly had so much he wanted to prove to himself. He was already an amazing hero and you all had only been at U.A. for just a few months. Could he not see how everyone else looked at him in awe? Sure fear and disdain too, but the admiration and passion he sparked in everyone else by far outweighed the negatives.

After strategizing with your own partner you decided to walk over to check on him.

"How are you doing?" You asked, approaching Katsuki.

"How the hell do you think? Out of everyone I could have been paired with I get stuck with that fucking loser," He barked, still agitated at the pairing.

"Yeah, I figured you'd say something like that," You laughed.

"Then why even bother coming over to annoy me?" He asked.

You tried to ignore his signature attitude and get to the point before he stormed off again.

"Well, Aizawa said they picked these match-ups for various reasons. Including interpersonal relationships. I think there's a clear reason they paired you with Midoriya. They want to see if you both can push aside whatever this bad blood is for the sake of taking down a villain. As much as you hate it, imagine if you and Midoriya did have to work together on a mission as pros one day."

"Don't you think I figured that shit out already? I'm not dumb."

"Then what are you doing sitting here and not strategizing with him? You two have the toughest teacher," You responded.

"I'm going to show them that I don't need to work with that nerd ever. I'll take care of it myself," He grumbled.

"You'll take care of All Might... by yourself. I thought you just said you weren't dumb?" You replied, pushing out the rest of his patience.

"I said I'd handle it! Why the fuck are you here trying to help me anyway," He yelled and shoulder-checked you as he left. Even though he'd never admit it, he knew you were right, but it was going to take a beat down from All Might before he'd admit it to himself.

Inevitably, the match between the two boys and All Might had left them in bad condition. You couldn't help but feel a bit proud of Katsuki while watching the match. Even though it pained him he did work with Izuku in the test even letting him use one of his gauntlets. This of course only happened after he tried to take on All Might single-handedly with no success. However, you knew how hard that was for him and after seeing how fiercely he fought in the exercise you felt you had to visit him.

A few other students were crowded around Recovery Girl's door waiting to hear about others who had gotten hurt in their matches. You sat on the floor while you waited for Recovery Girl to come out and announce it was okay for everyone to come in and visit Katsuki and Izuku.

The hall was filled with echoing voices of students talking about their own matches mixed in with anxious comments about those who were hurt. You noticed quite a few students were here to see Izuku. Finally, Recover Girl came out announcing that Izuku was awake and well enough to have visitors, however, Katsuki was still knocked out and not likely to wake up for a while. At that news, you grabbed your stuff and left. A few classmates noticed your swift exit but didn't call after you, as they were too anxious to get in and talk to Izuku.

Some time later you decided to try and visit him again. This time you found he was awake and able to have visitors.

"You look like crap," You said walking next to his bed.

"You came here just to tell me that?"

"No, I came to say... that I'm proud of you. I know it wasn't easy for you to work as a team with Midoryia but you did it," You replied. Katsuki's face scrunched up and he seemed to wince internally at your comment.

"Shut the hell up I don't want to hear that shit from you. Just go back to saying I look like crap or get out," He said, turning his gaze from you to the ceiling.

You couldn't help but laugh. Even though he had done it and overcame his pride for just a bit to work with Izuku his resentment toward him was not letting up.

"Well, you do look like crap. All Might beat the shit out of you... but you weren't ever going to give up and that's pretty admirable. Glad you're feeling better," You said and left the room.

Katsuki’s eyes widened at your short-lived praise. It was praise that came with no judgment attached, unlike the feedback he had gotten since starting U.A. You didn’t tell him anything he did wrong or could have done differently. You didn’t berate him for not getting over his pride sooner or being too mean. You only focused on the positives and that wasn’t something he or anyone else around him did.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @anon-mouse233 @maddietries

[sequinsmile-x]

Smoke Signals

On better days, when the good outweighed the bad, when she could see the innocence in her sons’ eyes or sat with her husband on the porch swing he’d built for her just because she said she wanted one, she liked to think she’d earned this. That everything she’d ever been through, every terrible, awful, thing had led her right to this. 

Emily has a bad day, hundreds of miles away from Aaron, and he goes to see her.

-x-

Hi friends <3

This is dedicated to all my pals on Twitter (I will never call it X haha) who asked very nicely for a fic along these lines haha and the idea wouldn't leave me alone. Plenty of soft Hotchniss - which I think is perfect for a Friday night.

Please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 3.3k

Warnings: None!

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily sighs as she steps into her hotel room. Her shoulders slump as soon as she’s behind the closed door, the weight she’d been pretending wasn’t pressing on them all day forcing her forward towards the bed. She huffs as she sits on the edge of it, leaning forward and pressing her elbows onto her knees and her face into her hands. 

It had been a long day at the end of a long few weeks. Back-to-back cases, each more awful than the last, and interpersonal issues on the team had left her more wrung out than she had been in as long as she could remember. She’d spent much less time with her family than she wanted to, recently all too fleeting moments with her husband and children that just weren’t enough to counteract everything else. Seeing them, spending time with them and reminding herself of all the good there was in the world, the innocence she’d never failed to find in the laughter of one of her sons or the smile they’d all inherited from her husband an essential part in warding off her bad days. 

It was something that had started years ago when Aaron was simply her friend she’d been in love with for as long as she could remember. He’d shown up on her doorstep the morning after she’d told him she had a bad day, a conversation between the two of them on the jet that she never could have anticipated would turn into everything it had. It was a moment she could trace it all back to, the first glimpse of radical honesty between the two of them that had started to shift their relationship into what it now was. He knocked on her door so early she was still in her pjyamas, his eyes wide as she opened the door as if that was the first moment he’d considered she might have still been in bed when he got there. 

He’d asked if she wanted to go for breakfast, to have a conversation with someone who understood at least some of what she’d been through, an unusually vulnerable smile on his face as he looked down at her doormat as he said he knew what it was like to feel unsafe in his home. She’d said yes without really thinking about it, finally pulling the door open to let him into her apartment and she’d smiled shyly at him, hyper-aware of how short her sleep shorts were as she told him she needed to go change and that he could sit in the living room whilst he waited. 

When she walked out of her bedroom and found he’d cleaned her kitchen, dishes she’d ignored for days washed and dried and the surfaces wiped down. It was the first time she thought he might love her too. 

She blows out a breath as she pulls her phone out of her pocket, a genuine smile ghosting across her face at the picture she had set as her wallpaper. It was taken just a month ago at Jack’s 14th birthday party. He was standing in between Emily and Aaron, wide smiles on all of their faces. Issac was standing in front of Aaron, proudly displaying his gap-toothed grin, his first baby tooth having come out just the week before, and Elliot was sitting on Emily’s hip - the 4-year-old always keen to be as close to his mother as possible. She gives herself a second to stare at it, to run her finger over their faces, to try and absorb some of the good that radiated off of them through the screen, and then she unlocks it, searching for her husband’s contact so she can call him. 

He’d retired when Issac was born 6 years ago. 

They’d discussed it at length throughout her pregnancy, both of them aware that if they had made the choice to expand their family they had to make some changes, that it wasn’t fair to Jessica to continue to rely on her like they always had with Jack. They’d argued about who should leave the BAU more than once, each of them demanding it should be them. Eventually, Aaron had won out. He’d talked through her reasons for wanting to leave with her, helped her understand that her choosing to continue working wouldn’t make her turn into her mother. He knew without her having to say anything that was at the centre of her insistence to leave, that she wanted to break a cycle he knew she would never repeat, and he helped her through. 

The day he’d retired had been bittersweet. It was the end of something, the end of a career he’d given so much to, that he’d lost so much to, but the start of something new. A beginning found in an end that even just a few years previously was a step he wouldn’t have taken. He’d told her one night, his head on her bump, his cheek pressed against her skin as Issac shifted under it, that he didn’t want to waste his second chance to have a family. That he felt lucky he’d been given one and he wouldn’t screw it up for anything. 

It worked for them. She’d found it hard to go back to work after Issac, and she did again just a couple of years later when she had Elliot, but she adjusted. Got used to how her life looked now, how it all rested on the balance of the horrors she would see in her job, the difference she could make there, and the peace she found with her Hotchner boys. They were her port in the storm, the safety net she would always know was there, the home she’d never had until that early morning when Aaron knocked on the door of her old apartment. 

She closes her eyes as she holds the phone up to her ear, her teeth clenched tight as she tries to fight off the tears burning at the back of her eyes. He answers on the second ring, his phone always close by when she was away, and she feels the hole in her chest bloom with love for him the second she hears his voice. 

“Hi, sweetheart.”

She opens her eyes and tears spill down onto her cheeks. She immediately wipes them away, “Hi.” 

She can practically hear his frown, can picture the look on his face, and she knows she’s been caught out with one word. 

“What’s wrong?” 

She wants to lie. She wants to tell him everything is fine, that she’s just tired, but she can’t bring herself to. A long time ago, she would have, but she can’t bring herself to lie. She hadn’t been able to for years. Not to him, not when the desire to talk things through with him, to bask in his comfort, outweighed the deeply ingrained need she had to save face.

She chokes out a noise between a laugh and a sob and she shakes her head, “It’s just…it’s been a bad day.”

“I’m sorry, Em,” he replies, and she wants nothing more than to sink into his embrace, to settle into the impossible warmth that followed him like a shadow. A sanctuary just for her and their sons, a place of safety she knows she could never live without again. “Bad case?” 

She hums as she shifts up the bed, not bothering to take her shoes off as she sits on top of the bedding, her back now against the headboard.

“Terrible case,” she mutters, “The victims are all teenage boys, it all hits a little too close to home,” she says, purposely holding back the fact they were all sandy-haired and looked like their eldest, not wanting him to feel the way she was right now, “And the team are…” she laughs mirthlessly, “Let’s just say, I don’t know how you were the boss as long as you were.” 

She disliked the politics of it, how the decisions she made even as the Unit Cheif had ramifications. It’s why she’d turned down a recent offer to become the Section Chief. She didn’t need the money and she definitely didn’t need the expectations that came with it, the hassle that inevitably came with getting any further up the food chain than she already was. 

The team were tired, furious at the back-to-back cases as if she wanted to be here, as if she wouldn’t also rather be at home with her family. They’d barely slept and were all running on fumes so emotions were high and fuses were short. The slightest thing set each other off to make sniping comments over paperwork issues or disagreements about the profile they were building. 

“Well,” he replies, his drawling voice enough to let her know he was smiling, that he was about to try and cheer her up, “At least you don’t have to try to manage you. I had that to deal with on top of everything else.” 

She laughs, the sound escaping her before she can hold it back and she shakes her head even though he can’t hear her, “Hey,” she says, injecting purposeful indignation into her voice, “I always apologised in your favourite way.” 

“You’re right, you did,” he says as he clears his throat, “Can I help?” 

“Are the boys there?” She asks hopefully, wanting nothing more than to hear one of their voices, but Aaron sighs, letting her know without saying anything that she wouldn’t get a chance to speak to them tonight, “Oh, that’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he replies, “Zac and Eli are in bed. Jack is out with his friends with a strict curfew of about half an hour from now.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says, wiping fresh tears from her cheeks, “I think I’m just tired.”

“Try and get some sleep, Em. You’ll feel better for it.” 

She hums and rests her head back against the headboard, blowing out a shaky breath, “Yeah,” she chokes on a laugh, “I could really do with a hug right now.” 

He’s silent for a few seconds, and she briefly wonders if the call has dropped before he replies, “Well, the moment you get home I’ll hug you as much as you want to.”

A genuine smile spreads across her face and she presses her lips together to try and contain it, the expression at odds with how she was feeling, “Be careful what promises you make, honey. I’ll hold you to that.”

___

She can’t sleep. 

She spends hours tossing and turning in her hotel bed, her frustration increasing with every passing minute that sleep evades her. She sighs as she looks at the clock on the nightstand and sees it’s just past 3.30 am, she sits up, growling in irritation as she runs her fingers through her hair. She’s about to consider just going back to the precinct, keen to get this figured out as soon as possible so she can get home, when she hears a knock on the door. She frowns, frozen in bed for a moment, wondering if she’s imagined it, when she hears it again. She climbs out of bed, adjusting an old t-shirt of Aaron’s that she’d brought to wear as pjyamas so it falls back into place over her thighs, and she walks over to the door. 

She gasps as she looks through the peephole, her hands already undoing the locks on the door of their own volition, and she chokes out a laugh as she pulls it open and finds herself toe to toe with her husband. 

“Aaron…” she says, shaking her head, “What are you doing here?” 

He shrugs as if it’s nothing, as if he shouldn’t currently be hundreds of miles away in their home, and he smiles at her, “You said you needed a hug.” 

For a moment, it’s almost 8 years ago. She’s in her old apartment and he’s on her doorstep, the smile she would never have admitted to herself at the time made her stomach swoop painted across his face. His casual kindness fills the space between them as he offers his time up to her as if it weren’t one of the most precious things in the world. 

She briefly wonders if she’s dreaming. If she fell asleep at some point and imagined that he was here, but the second he steps towards her, the door to her room closing behind them, and pulls her into his arms she knows it’s real. No matter how used to his touch she was, how much it was an essential part of her life, she was never able to get it right in her dreams. Her love for him, and his love for her, better than anything her subconscious could come up with even after years of real-life experience. 

She sinks into his embrace, her face against his chest as he wraps his arms around her. She hooks her arms around his back, not caring that she’s slightly encumbered by the go-bag slung over his left shoulder, and she breathes him in. She settles into him, her eyes closed as he runs his hand up and down her back and kisses the top of his head. Her brain finally catches up with her and she pulls back to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed together. 

“Wait, what are you doing here?” She asks, “What about the boys?” 

He smiles and raises his eyebrow at her and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, “14, 6 and 4 seemed like a good age to leave them alone for the first time,” he quips, his smile only getting wider when she glares at him, “Garcia is currently sleeping in our spare room and I’m assuming the breakfast she’ll make for them tomorrow will have more sugar in it than we usually allow them in a week.”

She laughs weakly, “Pen came over?”

He nods as he lets her go briefly enough to re-lock the door to the room and then he guides her to the unmade bed, his bag joining hers on the floor, “I called her, told her I was worried, and before I could even ask she was already suggesting she came over to stay with the ‘Mini Hotchs.’”

She shakes her head, “This once I’ll let the nickname for the boys slide,” she shifts as closely to him as she can, “How did you even get here? We spoke 6 hours ago you couldn’t have possibly got a flight in that time.” 

“I drove,” he replies, hooking his arms around her shoulders, resting his cheek on top of her head, “The roads were quiet.”

She hums and reaches for his hand to press their palms together, forever obsessed with the difference in size, how it never failed to make her feel safe, “I guess it's lucky I was on the East Coast.” 

“I would have driven to the other side of the country if you needed me, sweetheart. There’s nowhere I wouldn’t go and nothing I wouldn’t do.” 

She looks up from their hands and is unsurprised to find sincerity splashed across his face, love for her almost seeping from his pores. She cups his cheek and drags him in for a kiss, sighing contentedly into it as his hand skips up her thigh and lands on her hip. She pulls away and rests her forehead against his.

“Thank you,” she says, the words feeling inadequate, “I…you didn’t have to-”

“Yes I did,” he replies, cutting her off as he pulls back to look at her properly, his palm on her cheek as he smiles softly at her, “You were having a bad day.” He makes it sound so simple that it makes her ache, tears gathering in her eyes again as she shakes her head at him, overwhelmed by the love he had for her, for their family, that sometimes still didn’t feel real. He wipes away her tears as they slip from her lashline, “Hey, you’re okay, Em,” he says, tucking her against his side as he pulls her so close she ends up in his lap, the material of his jeans scratching against her bare thighs, “I’ve got you.” 

She cries like she never would in front of anyone else, her face warm and sticky against his neck as she sinks into him and the comfort he always brought. She had spent most of her life without love like this and thinking she’d never get it. She never thought she would have someone who would love her enough to drop everything and drive to her just because she said she needed a hug. It overwhelms her and it makes her wonder what she’d ever done to deserve it, to deserve him. On better days, when the good outweighed the bad, when she could see the innocence in her sons’ eyes or sat with her husband on the porch swing he’d built for her just because she said she wanted one, she liked to think she’d earned this. That everything she’d ever been through, every terrible, awful, thing had led her right to this. 

“It’s so stupid that I’m crying,” she says, sniffing as she extracts her face from his neck, “It’s just a bad day.”

“It’s never just a bad day, sweetheart,” he says, wiping her cheeks, “And is it we always tell the boys?”

She smiles, her cheeks warm as he uses the comforting tone he always used when the boys were sad or hurt, “That their feelings aren’t stupid.” 

“Exactly,” he says, leaning forward and stamping a kiss against her lips, “So yours aren’t either,” he stands up and offers her a hand, pulling her up as she accepts it and she immediately leans against him, “You need some sleep, we both do,” he says, running his fingers through her hair, “Is it fair to assume you haven’t slept at all?”

She narrows her eyes as she pulls back from him, “You think you know me so well.” 

He smiles and kisses her, “I do. Very well,” he kisses her again and pulls back, “Get into bed, I’ll only be a couple of minutes.”

She nods and separates herself from him. It feels almost impossible, as if a magnetic pull is dragging her back towards him, but she does it, climbs back under the covers she’d found no rest in so far that evening. She watches as he gets changed, her eyes flicking over long-healed scars, the marks on his skin as familiar to him as her own, before they get covered with his pjyamas. He slips into bed next to her and she immediately curls up around him, her head on his chest and her leg thrown over his hip. She hums contentedly as he wraps his arms around her, one of his hands on her thigh and the other on her back, his palm warm through the material of her t-shirt. 

“Elliot made friends with the new kid at preschool today,” Aaron says, his lips against her forehead, his hand running soothing circles on her back, gently lulling her to sleep with his touch and his soft words about his son, a story from home that he knew she needed without needing to be told, “He told me all about it when he got home.”

She smiles, love for her youngest blooming in her chest, the flowers of it almost making it hard to breathe, and not for the first time, she wondered how she had made someone so perfect, “He did?” 

“He did,” he confirms, kissing her forehead before he carries on, “He said he showed her around and gave her part of his cookie.”

She sighs contentedly as she closes her eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep as he tells her about their son’s day at school, his voice and touch soft as he reminds her that even on the bad days she has good things in her life. 

-x-

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[brnesblogposts]

Loving you is the best thing i’ve ever done.

(repost)

pairing: matty healy x reader

warnings: angst, fluff, mental health ?

reblogs appreciated if you liked it :)

Staring at the ceiling, a million thoughts going through your head at once. Trying so hard to keep the tears from falling but the overthinking caught up to you as quiet sobs escaped your lips, trying to keep quiet as to not wake up the peaceful looking man beside you.

Your brain had yet again convinced you that you didn’t deserve love, that everyone was pretending to like you but in reality was repulsed by you. This kind of spiral hadn’t happened in awhile but it creeped up on you tonight and all you could do was ride it through and hope you felt better in the morning.

He started to stir beside you while you held your breath hoping you hadn’t woke him, being a burden to him as he was finally getting a good nights sleep is not what you wanted to do. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to stop the tears when you felt a hand push hair out of your face.

“Baby?” his soft voice broke the silence, “what’s wrong, darling?” he asked while looking at you with concern.

“I’m sorry, i’m so sorry” you repeated as you held your palms over your face. You climbed out of bed and went to leave the bedroom before his voice stopped you,

“where are you going?” there was a sadness to it, but that was probably because you’d woken him up, he’s better off without you anyway.

“I’ll just sleep on the sofa, go back to sleep I won’t bother you anymore” and before you could leave the room he leaped out of bed and grabbed your arm, turning you around where you could see his eyes sparkling in the dim lighting.

“Talk to me, did I do something?” he asked and you felt horrible for making him think he was the cause of your outburst.

“No, no it’s my fault, i’m sorry I disturbed you, i’m sorry for everything” you rambled on.. “what do you mean?” he asked while his thumbs stroked your cheeks, wiping away the tears.

“I’m sorry for being a burden, I know i’m annoying and weird and you put up with me out of pity, you deserve someone better, someone not.. broken” your tears falling harder now.

“I’m sorry for the shit you’ve had to put up with, Matty. I’m fucked in the head” you wanted the ground to swallow you whole, you felt vulnerable and like a freak.

“Listen to me, hey” he tilted your head up to look him in the eyes, “You. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you are never and could never be a burden. you know more than anyone how much I hate sincerity but I can do it with you, because you are my person. I love you. Don’t let your brain convince you otherwise”

He pulled you into his chest and let you ball, at some point moving you both to sit on the bed. Matty was stroking your hair and shushing you in a reassuring manner, telling you it was gonna be okay, eventually the sound of your sobs died down and you pushed away from Matty’s chest to wipe a hand over your eyes and push your now damp hair behind your ears.

“Baby, I need you to know that whenever you’re having these thoughts you can talk to me, I never want you to feel like you’re going through it alone because you’re not.” He put his hands on your upper arms and reassured you, “We’re all a little bit fucked up in the head, it’s apart of the human experience, there’s gonna be bad days but the good ones outweigh them, you’re the funniest, most loving, accepting and caring person i know, not to mention smoking hot” at that you let out a little laugh.

“You’re stuck with me, I love you and all your quirks and even that silly little beautiful brain of yours” he kissed the top of your head and pulled you into his side,

“I’m trying so hard to believe you but my brain won’t let me” you replied.

“Well know I mean it, even if you don’t believe me, it’s true.” He motioned for you to move back over to your side and you did, he got back under the covers and held out his arm as you shuffled into his side.

“Try get some sleep, okay? I’m right here if you need me” another kiss to the crown of your head as he started mindlessly brushing his fingers through your hair.

“I love you” you mumbled as sleep started to take over,

“I know” is all you heard before you passed out listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

[vansmaybeonthewall]

reputation // are you ready for it?

prologue summary: The one where you, a somewhat well-known singer, figure out exactly how to leave your boyfriend who so happens to work as an assistant coach at West Ham.

Eventual Jamie Tartt x Reader

i was inspired to make a series by @buckychristwrites and @illiterateaffairs, who made the beautiful series' 'About You' and 'Distractions' respectively, so let's give this a go

word count: 0.7k

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Folklore and Evermore are fantastic for someone like (L/N), but is it enough to top the charts?"

"While (L/N)’s storytelling and emotion come through, does she have the audience for such a piece?”

“Previous attempts at topping the charts proved difficult, country or pop, what can (L/N) do next to be number one?”

“Fans approve of the narrative, but do the numbers?”

“It’s definitely a reach releasing two albums within a year of each other. I mean how desperate can you be?

“After experimenting with an album sampling multiple genres at eighteen, is this what (L/N) is finally good at?”

~

It’s exhausting. Everything. Trying to prove yourself while also trying not to seem full of yourself. How can someone just rise to the top of the charts? How can you be good enough? Every day there were articles calling you names and how much of a failure you are and could be. The bad always outweighed the good things people had to say. How can you make someone see who you are and what you are trying to do? It’s impossible to conform to every single version of yourself that people want you to be. It doesn’t help when your boyfriend has already achieved his dream. Helping coach his favorite team. A bittersweet thing to see. His compliments that can seem backhanded at teams. You’ll get there sometime babe. Don’t worry, you’re number one to me. Humiliating coming from someone so fake and narcissistic. Oh yes, the boyfriend you have put your life on pause for, albeit being together for two years, has been cheating on you for the past 3 months. Utterly humiliating.

It only gets worse considering he took over the job of managing you and where you play as an artist. It gave him some sort of promotion of rank amongst the other coaches. Nobody really recognized you at the football events he “booked” for you. Why would these older men listen to songs about a fictional love triangle? The only ones who recognized you were the bored teenage daughters dragged along to such events.

And asking for help is out of the question. Your best friend was only so far from you, playing for A.F.C  Richmond. Phone calls and texts could be made any second of the day and you would be swooped away, but you chose not to. Colin has a busy life as you do, so it wouldn’t be right to call him about every single problem you were having, right? You were both doing what you’ve wanted to do since you were kids (one enjoying it more than the other), so why should you disrupt his life with yours?

But when you wake up the next morning with the opportunity of a lifetime, it seems like life has taken a turn for the better. 

“Babe! Babe!”

You turn towards the doorway of your writing room resting your hands in your lap from their place on the piano. Derek leans against the doorway, trying to catch his breath.

“They want you to play! At the stadium!”

What.

“What are you on about?”

“Rupert wanted to one-up that ex-wife of his and Jasmine gave the idea of getting someone popular amongst fans to perform at halftime in a game against Richmond! Fantastic isn’t it! You’ve got to thank Jasmine for this, god that woman is amazing.”

Derek disappears down the hallway still shouting at the news. You sit wide-eyed and frozen. Not only at the news, performing in front of hundreds of fans at what possibly is one of the biggest games is a huge opportunity and you should be happy about it. Well, you are, but the name that left your boyfriend’s mouth gave it a sour taste. Jasmine. The woman he kisses and loves behind your back. And the one who gave you a chance at the spotlight in two months' time. Popular amongst fans? Was she being serious or being sarcastic? Nonetheless, what the hell.

An amazing woman, you think.

You stand and make your way to the nook in the window. You stare down at the people who walk past before grabbing at the journal and sitting yourself down. Opening the journal to the page marked by a pen holding its place, you start writing down your next idea. 

reputation 

You drag the pen quickly on the page leaving a straight line underneath the word, a smirk making its way to your face.

[blackbird5154]

Continuing the theme of the beliefs that Tobias broadcasts through Terzo, I would like to recall a few other regular statements that Papa repeated on stage.

First, it's anti-Trump rhetoric. Terzo was the most politicized Papa ever, and his repeated mockery of Trump fits right in with his liberal mindset. I only have three such videos at hand right now, but I know there are many more. [x] [x] [x]

It's interesting how this rhetoric from the real world comes into symbiosis with his history as a resident of a fictional Babylon-like city from the clips. In one show, he calls Trump "another [???] on top of the building, who's trying to concuer the world." He readily criticizes all villains sitting in tall towers, whether it's Madame Satan from the FtPttP music video or Trump from our reality.

The second ideological message I wanted to bring up is the game of "yes" and "no". The gist of it was that Papa invited the audience to repeat these words after him and then summarized, "You have to be able to say 'no' to bullshit. But it's even more important to be able to say 'yes' to good things." It's kind of like psychological training. It combines positive psychology with the concept of personal boundaries, the ability to fight back with the ability to find the good in life. And for Terzo, it's important that the good outweighs the bad in each person's eyes.

Sometimes I think his audience was something like children for whom he was trying to be a good teacher. That's what he taught. To summarize the two posts, I'd like to say that Terzo was compared to Lucifer in the Prologue and on the cover of Popestar for a reason. He fully deserves the title of the Bringer of Light.

[Part 4] ... [Part 6] ▸Encyclopedia of Terzo