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comphersjost · 4 years ago

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All For You | 5 [Finale] ➸ Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

firstly, i want to say thank you all so fucking much for the love, the support, the countless asks, comments, and reblogs on this series. this is an epilogue of sorts - mostly focusing on matty’s POV - as well as a tribute to the first part that started this all. enjoy my loves <3

4 times Matty knew he loved you, and the one time he knew you loved him.

word count: 6.8k+

warnings: some smut, not super descriptive, angst, elias and noah being little shits, lots of elaboration on events previously mention in the series :)

part one

part two

part three

part four

masterlist

The game was brutal. You curled up on your couch to watch it, your body tense the entire time. You lost track of how many times Matt fought someone on the ice, whether he went after someone on behalf of one of his teammates, or when he was being targeted. To say the least...Matt got his ass handed to him.

The game ends with the Rangers shutting out the Flames. You keep the TV on, anxious to see if Matt was going to be interviewed. He wasn’t, but you caught glimpses of him behind Mark Giordano as he answered questions in that monotone hockey voice. Matt looked like a wreck from what you saw, bruises forming on his face and hair an absolute mess.

You shake your head and turn the TV off, immediately reaching for your phone. You text him without thinking, not realizing what you did until you see ‘delivered’ under the messages.

you: i’m sorry about the game :( you: anything i can do? you: ice cream or something?

You panic when the read receipt pops up almost immediately. You'd only been in Calgary for about a month, and only hung out with him a couple of times - and that was with constant reassurance from Brady that you weren't a burden on him. Either way, there's no way he would trust you that much right?

Three short consecutive buzzes sounded, snapping you out of your spiraling thoughts.

matthew: can i come over? matthew: if that's cool with you matthew: no worries if not ik you said you haven't totally unpacked

You can't help the smile that tugs at your lips at the last text. Maybe he really didn't see you as just his brother’s best friend. You quickly type a response back.

you: of course you can !! you: and fyi i did unpack you: sorta

matthew: am i supposed to believe that???? matthew: be there in like. 20 matthew: i still gotta shower lol

you: then shower it up stink monster you: see u sooooon you: any snack/drink requests?

It takes a few minutes to get a response from him, and you assumed that he showered during that time. Over the past month Matt almost never lagged when it came to responding to texts, except for practices and games.

Your phone buzzes again, but this time it’s a Snapchat notification from Matt. You click on it and the app switches. Tapping on the red square reveals Matt, seemingly fresh out of the shower with his thumb up. That caption reads “fastest shower time on the team? yessir”, another caption underneath reading “no longer a stink monster”.

You laugh and respond to a photo of the top half of your face, typing out “yeah yeah answer my text stinky”. He opens the snap immediately, and 30 seconds later you get a text from him.

matthew: yo tbh if you have popcorn 👀👀

you: ur in luck i do!! the super buttery kind tho :/

matthew: my fave matthew: don't tell anyone on the team tho

You pause for a moment. You hadn't even met anyone on the team, only heard them in the background of the few phone calls you'd had with Matthew. Did he want you to meet them?

Shaking the thought out of your head, you react to the message with the laugh reaction and assure him you won't. He texts you to let you know he was on his way and suddenly you panic again. Matt hadn't been in your apartment since your first week in Calgary. Even then it wasn't really your apartment, it was just an empty place filled with boxes. He had helped you build all the furniture that had arrived, but since then you’d only hung out with him at restaurants or bars or coffee shops.

You don't know why the idea of him in your space makes anxiety wash over you, and you have to remind yourself that Matt is someone you grew up with. He's your best friend’s brother and someone you've known your whole life, but for some reason you still felt like you had something to prove to him.

There's a heavy knock on your door before you can pull yourself out of your head enough to make sure everything in your apartment is clean and tidy, and you almost want to scream but you figure it would be weirder than having a slightly messy living room.

When you open the door for Matt, the first thing you notice are the two forming bruises on his face. The second thing you notice is how tired he looks, his smile genuine but still not reaching his eyes.

“Hey,” you breathe out, “Come in.” He bumps your shoulder softly in a silent greeting as he slips past you into your apartment.

“The place looks great, Y/N/N,” Matt says softly, admiring the decorations and photos you’d placed around to make it feel more like home. You're glad he isn't facing you and can't see the surprised look on your face at hearing him call you by your nickname.

“Thanks Matty,” you say, your anxiety fading when he turns to smile at you again. “I’ll get the popcorn, you can pick a movie or a show or something, if you want.” You chuckle softly as he all but collapses on your couch, stretching out as you make your way towards the kitchen.

Matt’s eyes follow you as you disappear through the doorway, the sound of the microwave starting just a few moments later. If he wasn't so tired and bruised he would pay more attention to the nervousness bubbling up inside of him. It had been a long time since he really hung out with you like this - the last time he can remember was probably his senior year of high school. Brady had been gone on a class trip for one of the few classes you hadn't taken together, and Taryn was still too young for you to relate to her. So for a full week you showed up at their door and flopped on his bed, or vice versa, claiming that you were bored and were there to stay. He remembers pretending to be annoyed, but inside he was practically screaming, overthinking every little thing that he said to you.

His teammates would chirp him if they knew - Matt had known that for sure. What, a hotshot hockey playing senior getting butterflies over a sophomore girl? Oh, he would be torn apart in the locker room. That's why he didn't kiss you then. It was stupid, really, now that he thought back on it, but he was 17 then, and his teammates’ opinions were more important to him than taking a chance with his brother’s best friend.

But now you were here. In Calgary. And he was here, in your apartment.

He feels 17 again, your sweet voice floating from the kitchen asking him if he wanted anything to drink. He replies that he only wants water, and decides to take you up on looking through Netflix. He settles for a random episode of Parks and Rec when you come back to the living room, a bowl of popcorn in one hand, and two glasses of water somehow held in the other.

You make a face at him and shove his legs out of the way with your foot, placing the bowl and glasses on the table. You laugh when he groans and moves his legs out of the way so you can sit, before moving them back onto the couch to tangle with your own. Matt reaches for the bowl of popcorn as you snatch a blanket from its spot on the back of the couch and drape it over both of your legs.

“Still cold all the time, Y/N/N?” Matt teases, nudging his foot against your knee as you laugh sharply.

“Haven't changed a bit, Matty,” you throw back immediately. Your heart skips a beat when he laughs, a really, loud, genuine laugh, head thrown back and everything. You can't help but think that it suits him more than the tired smile he wore when he showed up at your door.

“You really haven't,” he says with a grin, eyes finally sliding back to yours. His hair curls over his forehead, but you can't look away from his eyes. The intensity of his stare makes you shiver, and you pretend it’s from the cold, pulling the blanket towards you more and looking away. You ignore his grumble of protest, but he lets you do it anyway.

“You haven't changed either, you know,” you say quietly. He stays silent, only shifting in his spot to get more comfortable.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, your eyes on the TV and his on...well his eyes are on you. He thinks back to all the times he wanted to make a move on you. Countless hours he spent beating himself up for letting the opportunities slip through his fingers because of his stupid pride.

He's not 17 anymore, he could kiss you right now. He could wrap his arms around your waist and pull you into his lap, kiss you until you're breathless and absolutely begging for him.

But he doesn't.

Not when you look like this, so comfortable and warm and here. He can't kiss you when you opened your home to him after a tough loss. He can't take advantage of you like that.

So Matt trains his eyes on the TV again, sneaking glances at you here and there as he all but shovels popcorn into his mouth so he doesn't say something stupid. He doesn't realize you've fallen asleep until he sneaks another glance at you, this time looking for just a little longer than a split second.

Your eyes are closed, cheek smushed into the cushion and your chest rising and falling with soft, even breaths. He realizes then how tired you must be, it’s nearly 11:30 and he knows you have to be up early for work. He can't tear his eyes away, can't help but take advantage of being able to stare at you without getting caught.

God, you're so cute like this, he wishes you were in his arms instead of on the other side of the couch. He wants this to last as long as possible, but your head is tilted at an awkward angle, and he doesn't want you to go to work tomorrow in pain.

Instead of taking his time looking over every inch of your adorable sleeping face, he gently untangles his legs from yours, grabbing the empty bowl and cups and heading to the kitchen. Once he's done washing them and placing them on the drying rack, he heads back to you, pausing in the doorway for one more moment to just look at you.

He finally convinces himself that he’s stared enough, it’s getting creepy now, and you need to go to bed. Matt makes his way back to you, squatting down and gently placing a hand on your arm.

“Y/N/N?” he says softly, rubbing softly up and down your arm.

“Hmm?” you hum softly, blinking slowly with blurry eyes.

“You gotta go to bed,” he murmurs, and he can't stop himself from brushing a piece of hair out of your face. “You have work in the morning, c’mon.”

You whine in protest and your eyes flutter shut again. You're too comfortable, too warm to get up now. Matt sighs, resignation setting in. He slowly peels the blanket off of you, folding and draping over the back of the couch like before, before sliding his arms underneath your back and knees and lifting you effortlessly.

You mumble something unintelligible as you bury your face in his chest. Matt says nothing as he finds your bedroom, depositing you on your bed as soft as he can, and tugging the duvet out from under you and then back over you again.

“You can't go home,” you mumble again, louder, grabbing his hand feebly before he can walk away. Matt freezes at the implication, even though he knows the thoughts spiraling in his mind are unlikely in your barely awake state. “S’late Matty, you can't go home.”

“Y-you-you want me to sleep here?” he stutters, and you nod, blissfully unaware of the rampage of emotions in Matt’s head.

“Guest bedroom’s furnished,” you slur, voice thick with exhaustion. “Don't go home. S’late.” With that, you're fast asleep again, and Matt - well -

Fuck, Matt thinks. He's fucked. And he knows it.

II.

Based on the look on Noah’s face, Matt knows he's going to get one hell of a lecture as soon as you're out of earshot. He'd finally taken you to meet his teammates, and he was really starting to regret it. He knows that you're beautiful, he'd just rather not watch his teammates stare shamelessly. He really is glad he told them warned them to keep their hands off though, using the excuse that you were his brother’s best friend and there was no way he would let those hooligans go after you.

But now that you're actually meeting them, Matt knows that they're going to call him on his shit. His team knows him better than that.

His hand is resting against the small of your back as he leads you to a booth towards the back of the bar. He slows down before he gets within earshot of the table, leaning in to ask softly, “You okay?”

You glance up at him with a nervous smile, but nod anyways. “Yeah,” you assure him, “I’m good, I just hope they like me.”

Matt laughs at that, shaking his head at your confused expression. His laugh fades as you raise an eyebrow, looking at him expectantly. “They'll love you,” he finally clarifies, “Promise.”

“Promise?” you say skeptically.

“Promise,” he confirms, and the grin on his face is infectious, you can't help but smile back at him. “C’mon,” he says, pushing you lightly until you reach the table.

“Matty!” exclaims one of the men at the table. A brunette, from what you can see in the dim light, and a face that makes him look 14. At his drunken greeting, the rest of the men and women at the table turn to look at you and Matt, making you shift uncomfortably under their collective gaze.

“Aaand he’s drunk already, this is Brady and I’s friend, Y/N,” Matt introduces you, his hand sliding from your back to squeeze your hand comfortingly. He introduces each of the people at the table - the baby-faced one was named Johnny - before nudging the blonde that looked like a Disney prince until he moved over to make room for the two of you.

“Hi,” you say, smiling shyly around the table. “It’s nice to meet you all, Matt’s told me a lot about you.”

“Hope he wasn't talking shit,” Prince Charming teases with a slight accent, flashing you a bright smile. What was his name? Elias?

“Oh he talks the most shit,” you banter, a sly smile tugging at your lips at Matt’s incredulous protest. “Always going on and on about how annoying you guys are - mmf!” Your teasing is cut short by Matt’s hand covering your mouth. Without thinking you lick the palm of his hand, laughing when he snatches it away again and off of your mouth.

“That's gross,” Matt complains, wiping his hand on his jeans.

“You asked for that,” you shoot back, elbowing him lightly when he rolls his eyes.

“You know, I’m starting to regret this,” he grumbles, fighting the smile playing on his lips, “you’re just as annoying as them.”

“Be nice Chucky!” Noah pipes up. You recognize him from the few times you’d stopped by Matthew’s apartment but had never stayed long enough to actually get to know him.

“Yeah, Chucky,” you taunt, “better be nice to me, I know where you live during the off-season too.” The table erupts into laughter at that, and you accept a fist bump from Elias.

“I like this one, Matthew,” Giordano says, “You better keep bringing her around.”

You flush at the compliment, having heard how highly Matt speaks of his captain.

Matt feels you relax into the booth, the tension in your body since your arrival finally draining at the approval from his team. He leans down slightly to murmur in your ear, “I told you they'd love you.” You smile at his words, tuning back into the conversation that had started up again.

“Matthew,” Elias suddenly says, drawing your attention away from the intense discussion about whether or not hotdogs were considered sandwiches (the group was split almost 50/50, by the way). “Let’s go get more drinks. Noah?”

You scoot out of the booth to let the two of them slip out, heading to the bar with Noah in tow, sliding back in to find yourself seated beside a beautiful blonde girl. She laughs when you say timidly, “I’m sorry, could you all tell me your names again?”

She introduces herself in a thick accent as Annica, Elias’s girlfriend, and the other girls do too, before quickly striking up a conversation. “Do not worry,” she says kindly, “I forgot most names the first time I met too.” You laugh at that, before some of the wives and girlfriends start to ask you about yourself.

“How do you know Matthew?” Brittany, Sean Monohan’s girlfriend, asks curiously.

“I grew up with him,” you explain. “Brady’s my best friend, they live across the street from my family.”

At the same time that you’re getting to know the girls at the table, Elias is slapping Matt upside the head.

“Dude!” Matt groans. “What the fuck?”

Noah rolls his eyes at Matt’s faux-obliviousness, “Dude, that girl is a smokeshow.” Noah manages to dodge Matt’s fist aimed at his arm, smirking at the defensiveness. “Just your friend huh?” he chirps, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Matt groans again, “Yes, just a friend, the hands-off rule still applies.”

Elias snorts, unconvinced, leaning back against the bar to observe you interacting with the team and WAGs. “She’s funny, and fits in well,” Elias remarks. “And Noah is right, she is a smokeshow.”

“I know,” Matt grumbles. “Don't you have a girlfriend?”

Elias throws his head back and laughs. “Annica pointed out when you walked in. Anyway, she's yours, clearly.”

“Dude.”

Matt was getting really sick of the chirping coming from his teammates. To be fair - they were right, but he couldn't let them know that. But as he follows Elias’s gaze to see you talking animatedly to the girls at the table - all of their attention trained on you - he can't help the soft smile on his lips. He's right, you do fit in well.

He wonders how you'd look wearing a jacket with his name on the back.

Noah’s voice snaps him out of his daydream. “I'm just saying man, you already look like you're halfway in love with her, so get on that.”

“No,” Matt snaps finally, before his expression drops slightly. “Besides, our parents are fully convinced that she and Brady are gonna end up getting married or whatever.”

Noah and Elias both wince at that, giving him sympathetic glances. Matt rolls his eyes, snatching half the round of drinks the bartender had deposited in front of them, and heading back to the booth, knowing that Elias and Noah were hot on his heels. Thankfully, he makes it before they can say anything else that might inspire Matt to do something stupid.

But as he slides back in beside you, watching you interact with his teammates - his family away from family - he can't help but think about how wrong Noah was.

More than halfway, Noah, way more than halfway.

III.

Matt’s lifelong habit of running away from his feelings just didn't seem to apply to you. No matter how much his feelings grew, how much they scared him, he still stayed. He still hung out with you, and texted you constantly. He still brought you to every team event under the guise of not wanting some random girl with him, and that he'd much rather have you there.

When you told him about your feelings for his brother, it stung. So Matt did the only thing he could - not run away, he could never run from you. He crushed the hurt away, pushed his feelings down down down until they were just a whisper at the back of his mind.

But then he made a mistake. He made an enormous, colossal, devastating mistake.

He kissed you.

He was wine-drunk, and so were you. Maybe that's why you let him. Maybe that's why you kissed him back. It was easier to believe that it was a drunken decision than let himself have any hope.

You'd been at his apartment for dinner, something that had become a weekly occurrence now. Matt couldn't deny that he liked this, having you to himself without anyone Brady to steal your attention.

You'd ordered in today, boxes of Thai takeout littering the counter. Matthew hadn't bothered to clean up after you were both done eating, insisting that he’d take care of it later, and for now you could just hang out. So that's what you did.

The two of you sprawled on his couch, forgoing wine classes to just pass the bottle back and forth until both of you were giggling. Your cheeks felt warm from the wine, and you felt good. You felt relaxed and at home.

You're thrown into another fit of giggles when Matt reminds you of the time Brady had fallen asleep after a game when you had all gone out for ice cream. He had ended up face planting directly into a scoop of his barely-eaten vanilla ice cream in the car on the way home, immediately snapping awake at the cold dessert hitting him directly in the face.

Through your laughter, you say “What about the time you were trying to impress - hic - that girl - what was her name, Brenna? - and then you -” you cut yourself off, laughing uncontrollably at the unimpressed look on Matt’s face. He knew exactly what you were talking about, and it was easily one of the more embarrassing moments of his life. When you can catch your breath again you finish “- and you were staring so you slipped and fell on the ice!”

Matt groans as you keep laughing, before a devious idea comes to mind. You know that look on his face all too well, your eyes widening as your laughter dies down.

“Matt-” you start as he starts reaching for you, turning into a shriek when his hands reach their destination. “Matt, no!”

His fingers finding your sides and tickling you mercilessly.

“Matt!” you gasp, squirming to escape the torture. “I’m sorryyyyy! I won't mention it again, I promise!”

He pauses for a moment, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Promise?” he asks, his hands not leaving your sides even when you nod. He hums when you promise, distracted by your closeness. The wine made his mind fuzzy, and the feelings he's been harboring for so long come bubbling to the surface.

Matt is terrified he's going to say something he’ll regret - especially with the knowledge of your feelings for Brady - so he does the only thing that will shut him up. He does what he was too cowardly to do when he was 17.

He kisses you.

A surprised moan escapes your throat, but then you sigh, leaning into him and leaning into the kiss. His hold tightens around you as he tilts his head to slot your lips together. Your hands come up to run through his messy curls, making a noise of appreciation at how soft his hair is.

Matt can't help himself, he leans back to his side of the couch, tugging you with him and into his lap. One hand leaves your waist to cup your jaw as you straddle him, his teeth tugging at your lip before sliding his tongue into your mouth. The hand on your waist comes down to your ass, a strangled moan breaking the kiss as his hand pushes you impossibly closer to Matt.

Matt reconnects your lips immediately, addicted to the feeling of finally kissing you after all these years. Through the haze in his brain he thinks that this is probably a bad idea, but fuck does he love it.

You whine needily and break the kiss, rocking your hips against Matt and making him gasp.

“Fuck,” he rasps, his hips jerking upwards to grind into you. Your eyes flutter open for a moment, shuddering at the dark look in Matt’s eyes. You think of saying something - anything - but Matt’s hand curls around the back of your head and pulls you back in to meet his lips.

You tug at his hair as he kisses you, letting him move your hips into an undulating motion against his own. Matt's mouth drags away from yours, your whine turning into a soft moan as when he kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You shiver when you feel his teeth graze the column of your throat.

Matt kisses every inch of exposed skin, unable to help himself from sucking a deep purple mark into your skin just above your collarbone.

“Matty,” you whimper, grinding down harder against the growing tent in his sweatpants. Matt decides that your whimpers and moans are his favorite sound, and vows then that he’s going to do everything in his power to pull those noises from your body. He can't get enough of you, the way your hands roam over his shoulders and through his hair and the desperate way your grinding against him. You say his name again, this time a soft sigh as he keeps kissing at your skin, the hand on your ass sliding up and underneath your thin v-neck.

“Baby,” he grunts against your skin, running his nose up along your neck. You whimper at the pet name, and Matt gets impossible harder under you. “Baby,” he whispers again, pulling back to look you in the eye. “Tell me if you want this, angel.”

You nod frantically, leaning in to press your mouth on his again.

“Please,” you mumble against his lips. “I want this. I want you.”

Matt moans at the words, wishing that it were true in every context. Instead he wraps his hands under your thighs and stands, making his way blind towards his bedroom. He tosses you on his bed unceremoniously, kicking the door shut behind him.

You look up at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, reaching for him again, aching for his touch. Matt crawls over your body and brushes the hair out of your face as he hovers above you.

“Matt,” you whine needily, wrapping a hand around his neck to pull him down to kiss you again.

As Matt strips you of your clothes as well as his own, he lets himself pretend this is real. He fucks you with brutal, merciless thrust of his hips, and pretends like this isn't going to be a one-time thing. He lets himself feel while you cry out for him and arch your back as you cum. He calls you baby and acts like this isn't a drunken mistake you’re probably going to regret in the morning.

And when you're both spent, his arms curled around you as you give him a dopey, sleepy smile - looking like a real life angel, he thinks - Matt lets himself pretend, for just a moment, that you love him too.

IV.

He hates this.

Matt hates this.

He hates the feeling of your body shaking against him, uncontrollable sobs wracking your body. Brady had left that morning for Ottawa after Autumn had reached out to him, asking to give their relationship another shot. And Matt hates him for it right now.

He hates the sound of your crying, the tears spilling onto his shirt. He hates that you feel like this, heartbroken and miserable.

Matt hates how responsible he feels for this. He was so sure that Brady reciprocated your feelings, telling you over and over again that he was positive his brother loved you too. In hindsight, he might have been projecting, but to him, it was impossible not to fall in love with you.

The thing he hates the most, though, is how selfish he is. How he can't help but think of how good it feels to hold you again.

Another sob rips itself from your throat and Matt’s arms tighten around you, pulling you so that you were flush against his chest. He buries his face in your hair, whispering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over as you break down in his arms.

He barely registers the feeling of you shaking your head against his shoulder.

“Not your fault,” you mumble through your cries, shaking your head more vigorously. “It-it’s not - it’s my fault - I thought -” You cut yourself off and bury your head in his shoulder as your bawling continues.

“It's not your fault,” he insists as one hand comes up to cup the back of your head, running through your hair in soft strokes. “It’s not, it’s not your fault, you did nothing wrong.”

Matt holds you like that for what feels like eternity, your sniffles and cries coming slower and slower until they stop. He still holds you tight, tracing patterns over your skin and running his hands through your hair soothingly. He whispers gentle words in your ear, comforting you the best he can.

Eventually you pull back slightly too look up at him, making Matt mourn the loss of feeling every inch of you pressed up against him. You look tired, sleepy, but most of all, you look sad - and it kills him inside.

“Thank you,” you whisper hoarsely, making Matt’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What for, angel?” The nickname doesn't go unnoticed by you, and you can't help the warm feeling that worms its way through your heartbreak.

“Everything,” you shrug, not wanting to really say the truth. Matt takes it for an answer, even though you both know it’s really not, and smiles gently, brushing hair out of your eyes like he's done so many times. “M’sorry about your shirt,” you mumble, and Matt laughs at that, his head thrown back.

“I've got plenty of shirts,” he teases, thumb sliding back and forth over your jaw comfortingly. As his laughter fades, his gaze becomes locked on yours. You look like you're in deep thought, at war with yourself, and he barely refrains from asking you what you're thinking about.

“Okay?” Matt asks gently, eyes softening when your eyes focus on him again. You open your mouth as if to say something, before closing it again and nodding slowly. “Y/N/N?”

Before he can really ask what's going on, you're throwing your arms around his neck, your lips colliding with his. Matt can't help but melt into the kiss, cupping your cheek as your lips move together. He hadn't felt this in so long.

Oh, he missed this. He missed the feeling of your mouth on his. Missed kissing you until you were breathless. Missed the way you fit perfectly in his arms.

He moans gently, nearly delirious with his need for you.

A pang of guilt shoots through him, making Matt pull away even as you whine and chase his lips. You look up with wide eyes and a slight pout, before you seem to realize what just happened.

“Fuck, I’m - I’m sorry,” you gasp, scrambling to escape his embrace. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - that was fucked up - I’m sorry -”

Matt’s grip only tightens, grabbing your chin to make you face him. “Hey - hey,” he says sharply, making you stop struggling and look at him. “It’s okay, I promise, we just - you're not in the right - we can't -”

“I know,” you cut him off, “I know, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” he assures you again, before asking you softly, “Do you want to go home?”

You weren't sure which home he meant - your family’s house across the street or Calgary - but either way you shake your head frantically, clinging to him tighter at the idea of being alone with your broken heart right now.

“Okay,” he soothes gently, “That's okay, I’m gonna go shower, okay? You wanna change?” You glance down at your clothes - sweatpants and a t-shirt - and shake your head again.

“This is fine,” you say timidly, your voice small and sad and widen the hole in Matt’s heart.

“Okay,” he murmurs, setting you gently on his mattress and tugging the duvet over you. “I won't be long, I promise.” You nod sleepily, your eyes already fluttering shut as you acknowledge him, as he backs away slowly.

Matt has to clasp a hand over his mouth in the shower, muffling the noises out of his mouth as he weeps.

He almost wants to laugh at the irony of it all. You love Brady. You love him and your heart is breaking because of it. And so is his. And even as Matt puts on clean pajamas and crawls back into his bed beside your sleeping figure, he still feels like he might start to cry again.

But then you mumble his name, your voice thick with sleep as you reach for him. Your hands feel small against his chest as you fist the material of his shirt and tug him towards you, sighing contently when his arms slide around your waist.

You fit so fucking perfectly, Matt thinks, with your body tucked into his like this. His eyes linger on your face for a few moments, taking in the peaceful look on your sleeping face after hours of anguish and emotional turmoil. As he begins to drift off, his last thought before he falls into slumber, is how he's never been more at ease, more happy, more in love, than when he's with you.

Matt has never been in so much pain in his entire life. The moment his eyes fluttered open, still blurry from sleep, he snapped them shut again. It was too bright. Why is everything so bright? He only knows one person that keeps the blinds open when they sleep and that was - Matt’s blood runs cold.

“I like it when the sun wakes me up,” you’d said when he asked you. “It feels less like an alarm clock and more of a gentle reminder, you know?”

He didn't know, he really really didn't, especially with the pounding in his head. But he has to know for sure, so slowly but surely, he opens one eye and then the other. Matt’s heart rises to his throat when he realizes where he is.

Part of him thinks he might die on the spot. But the other part - the selfish fucking part of him - whispers that waking up in your bedroom is what he's been dreaming of for months.

But then it hits him. The pain.

Not the pounding headache, no - this was worse. This was so much fucking worse. It was worse than the day in his parents’ basement when you walked away from him all those months ago. Worse than the night he came home and found you naked in Brady’s bed. This pain felt worse than anything he'd ever felt before.

It’s excruciating. He feels like someone had punched a hole in his chest and torn out his heart. The ache in his chest surpasses the throbbing in his head.

Matt feels like he's going to cry, the desire to curl up into a ball and disappear overwhelming him and he wants to cry.

How did he even get here?

Matt doesn't remember most of last night, little snippets here and there. He remembers your Instagram post, the cutest fucking picture he's ever seen of you holding and ice cream cone and laughing, a smudge of the frozen treat dotted on your nose. He remembers grabbing a bottle the moment he got home. He remembers Noah and Elias, remembers seeing their lips moving, but doesn't remember what they said.

Before he can stop it, there are tears slipping down his cheeks. Matt is so fucking sick of crying. He's tired of feeling like this.

And he hates that he knows that it's his own damn fault.

The idea of seeing you again - of you seeing him like this - makes his skin crawl. He promised to leave you alone after the game, and he’s ashamed that all it took was an Instagram post and a little too much liquor for him to come crawling back.

The selfish part of him pipes up again. You can't help it. You love her. She's yours.

Being here, in your apartment, your bedroom, makes Matt dizzy. He needs to leave. Now.

He’s in such a rush to leave, roughly wiping at the tears on his face, he almost doesn't notice the pair of pills on the nightstand, a glass of water set on a coaster beside them. He hesitates for a moment, but decides that he doesn't want to feel like a trainwreck for the rest of the day, and downs the pills with a gulp of water.

There's clattering in the kitchen, preventing him from a stealthy escape. Matt is shocked when you don't let him leave, head spinning with exhaustion and confusion and really - just your presence. He can't stop staring at you. Even like this, in a hoodie and leggings, Matt thinks you're the most beautiful fucking thing he's ever seen.

This is too domestic. He shouldn't be here. This is too intimate. Too much.

This isn't for you. Brady is the one who should be here. Matt flinches when the thought slithers into his head, but before he can make it out the door, you're turning from the stove and practically yelling at him to sit. You sound like his mom, he thinks, but sits anyways.

When you ask him about Autumn, Matt thinks he might die. Right then and there, he wishes the floor would swallow him whole. But instead of that happening, his stupid fucking mouth moves to vomit out the words before his brain catches up. “I was sick of seeing him hurt you, I watched him hurt you for so long, Y/N, I held you while you cried and I - I never want to be the one to make you feel like that.”

This was the most you'd spoken in months, and even through the pain of seeing you again, Matt can't help but be overcome with relief. You didn't hate him. Matt feels dazed through the rest of the conversation, just barely focusing as a result of your presence addling his brain even as you snap at him to shut up. Until - until -

“..Brady and I are not together…he’s not it for me.”

Matt freezes, the words rattling inside his skull.

Not it for me not it for me not it for me

Matt shoves half a piece of French toast in his mouth, barely chewing it before swallowing and repeating your words back to him. You laugh at his bewilderment, your fingers curling around his own as you speak.

He's going to kill Brady, he decides as he finishes off the rest of his toast, immediately. His little brother is a menace and it’s finally going to catch up to him.

But he needs to hear you say it first. He needs it.

Then Matt is tugging you to stand up, and your hands are wrapping around his neck as he gets closer.

And you say it.

“I love you too Matty.”

And then he's kissing you.

Finally - finally - he's kissing you and you love him.

You love him.

Matt feels like he wants to cry again, this time for a completely different reason. The pain he'd felt this morning starts to drain away as you press yourself closer to him, hand slipping up to card through his curls. He pulls back to look at you for a moment, grin so wide he thinks his face might break. He leans in again, giving you one, two, three, four more kisses. With every kiss, Matt feels a piece of his heart returning to its place.

“Say it again,” he pleads, eyes fluttering closed as you whisper against his lips.

“I love you, Matthew, more than anything, I love you.”

And later, when you're giggling against his mouth on the couch as his fingers graze your ticklish sides and you're whispering the three words over and over and over again, he knows it's true.

He's it for you, you're it for him.

Matt loves you.

But more importantly, you love him.

FIN (for real this time)

#ta daaa #matthew tkachuk #brady tkachuk #all for you series #calgary flames #ottawa senators #hockey #nhl #imagine #smut #angst #my writing #nhl imagine #hockey imagine

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

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hey there bub! i was going thru ur masterlist and i saw in the "about" section that u made eye contact with taemin OMG how did that go AAAAA u got to make eye contact with THE lee taemin? soo lucky :") i bet this happened prob awhile back but how was the superm concert? i'm sure it was amazing n so much fun AAAAA sadly they didn't go here in my city :( but i was able to see NCT dream live during their dream show tour and i tell you WHEW GOSH those boys are so ethereal??? like they look so good in vids and in pics but they're 1000000x better in person??? like pictures don't do their beauty justice?? gosh i could write a full on essay abt this. until now i still cant believe i got to see the dreamies live?? its feels so surreal like a dream, its crazy. i remember the lights dimming and 'dear dream' started playing in the background and i just lost it lol i was shaking and bawling my eyes out n the show hasn't even started yet djkfkjn i first noticed jisung n when i saw him the first thing that popped in my mind was: "he is SO tall and he's soso cute dear lord :")" and the way he dances, a frickin dance king?? he's rlly such a born performer. AND OHMYGOD JENO, the man is rlly WOW, ngl he kinda looks intimidating with his sharp features and smooth dance moves but his eye smiles make my heart mELT. i remember during the encore stage, the show was about to end and the boys were saying goodbye to us, jeno's face was showed on screen, he was tryna eat the confetti LMAO. renjun,, i will never shutup abt this but renjun is confirmed to be a FAIRY!! the prettiest boy :") #RENJUNFAIRYAGENDA he has such sharp yet delicate features and his aura is just so warm n comforting like he just captivates u n lures u in, and when he sings, like u can feel the emotion, hes so talented. all throughout the show, hyuck was just GLOWING (lives up to his name, fullsun uwu) . he's soso pretty n he's my bias so i literally was just in awe when i saw him, i was speechless :') he was rlly entertaining to watch n he was also so attentive to the crowd esp when he saw some ppl that got hurt, he kept telling us to move back a little. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET NANA, jaemin was soo sweet n charming and the way his eyes lit up whenever he looks at the crowd gosh my heart was abt to burst he rlly adores czennies :") jskfvkds hes also super tall lmao hyuck was tryna lift his shirt up tho and of course chenle, ngl but all throughout the concert, my eyes just keep coming back to chenle. out of all the dreamies, he caught my eye the most. like,, THE POWER THIS MAN HOLDS IS CRAZY?? THIS MAN DIDNOT COME TO PLAY!! his stage presence is crazyy ohgod esp during 119 performance, and he looks like a prince in real life. he also played the piano and i remember everyone was just in awe as he played like the whole crowd had heart eyes for him. it was such a fun n amazing experience, the boys were so amazing n talented, they rlly know how to put on such a great show. they work tirelessly n they're so good, like their voices and dance moves, srsly amazing :") ++ it so memorable cus it was my first kpop concert hehe. buying tickets were such a pain in the ass ngl it was so stressful but SO worth it 🥺 i knew jisung was tall but i didnt know he was THAT tall, idk if im just small but they all rlly look so tall JKDFSDJVFF sadly mark wasnt there :( sorry if i made this long, i just got excited and i thought it'd be nice to share my concert experience w/ u as well hehe 😅 i hope you're doing great bub!! <3

- 🐼 anon

omg hi yes, i was lucky enough to score tickets to see superm last year, and i was right up against the main stage railing !!! 🤩 so ten made eye contact and smiled at me, baekhyun also made eye contact and smiled and waved at me (he’s my exo bias and i was like the heart clutching meme when he did that), i yelled “you’re doing great sweetie” when taeyong took a pause during commentary time and he said thank you 🤧, and god taem looked at me for a good 20 seconds smiling at me and i couldn’t handle it and had to blink and look away and he laughed at me 😔 akslhflakshdfla but oh my god, lucas is so goddamn attractive irl it’s insane, and ten is sooo so pretty like i didn’t even pay attention to what they were saying during the commentary time sometimes i was just staring at ten who was in front of me and i was the starry eyed emoji (baek and ten were right in front of me, lucas was next to them), and pictures don’t do taeyong justice at all like that man is absolutely ethereal ✨✨ also!!!!! seeing ten perform his solos, hearing taeyong and mark rap irl and of course BASS GO BOOM BY LUCAS BECAME MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE WHEN ARE THEY RELEASING THAT SONG??? and i was in tears when taemin performed right in front of me like 16 year old me would be shaking in her boots if she knew she would see god taem in the flesh. actually current me was shaking askdjfhalksjdf i cherish all the videos i took so much (i accidentally deleted the entire jopping video except the mark rap part when i was trying to snip it to post to my insta story and cried rip 😭😭)

YOU GOT TO SEE THE DREAMIES IRL OH MY GOD I’M SO JEALOUS 😭😭 I WANNA SEE THEM PERFORM SO BAD!!! i keep rereading your entire experience and i’m living vicariously through you now aklshdflakjsdhfda oh my god, i wanna see jisung and fairy prince renjun perform live so bad 😭 i got to see hyuck perform three times now with 127, and he’s absolutely amazing, i couldn’t stop watching him dance like he’s my number one favorite performer in nct and the way he dances is heavenly and wonderful and his voice is insane 💖 he truly was born to be an idol 🤧💞💞 i want to write a proper response to each of your description of the dreamies but right now i’m just like no thoughts head empty just heart eyes for every single one of those boys 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 aaaa thank you for describing them all, angel, i’ll keep this in mind as i write fics :’) omg and this was your first kpop experience???? you’re so lucky!!!! 💓 also i feel with the buying tickets omg i always have to get up early and keep refreshing on every device to get decent tickets and it’s so stressful askljdfhaksd but it definitely is so worth it in the end! my only regret is opting out of seeing skz last year and going to a party instead rip and omg no need to apologize!!! it’s really fun to hear about your concert experiences, sweetpea!!! 💞 thank you for taking the time to share that with me 💘 i’m doing wonderful and enjoying my weekend, and i hope you’re having a good weekend and doing well also, angel 🐝💛✨

#asks #anonymous #🐼 anon

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izukult · 4 years ago

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This is such a cute idea! I’m addicted to making weirdly specific Spotify playlists so this is perfect. I have an ✨eclectic✨ music taste but my favorites are usually bedroom pop (mxmtoon, chloe moriondo, khai dreams, etc), romantic classical (think Debussy and Revel), and indie (although I like some Megan Thee Stallion, AC/DC, Nirvana, etc when I’m hyping myself up). As far as my personality goes, I’m pretty insightful and like to support people whenever I can, even if I don’t know them well. I can be a little chaotic sometimes, but I like to think it’s a chaotic good. I love tea, blankets, philosophy, deep conversations, the outdoors, and writing. I’m also an INFP and a Taurus :)

Sorry if that was too much, thank you so much! Take care of yourself and stay well

- Elle ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

( @snoozless ) you don’t understand how bad i want to be your friend. 😐😐 ok so you kind of get bonus 😀 but it rly might not be bonus because akfjakdkw. so, i gave you matsukawa!! but he’s not always like revered about so if u want a character lmk!! i am. in love w him tho. you’re so sweet you would balance him out and yall would be equally chaotic together.

he would have philosophical questions w u!! he might just be a little blunt & might accidentally cut the convo short, but he would listen to everything you said.

he’s used to a wide variety of music bc i’m convinced the seijoh playlists are absolutely fucking cracked like so loud. so he really could sit there and listen to anything. and i mean ANYTHING. like if you wanted to put on christian rock he’d awkwardly try to tap his foot on beat for you.

but, that doesn’t mean he’s gonna geek over you i feel like he’d be pretty private about the relationship. he’s not like secretive but he’s not gonna post you every two seconds yknow? he wouldnt put prom photos, but if yall went to look at the stars or go on a little hike he’d take a pic and youre wearing baggy sweats and one of his shirts and your hair isnt brushed for shit and it’s way too dark to properly make your face out and he’d put that shit on his main absolutely 😒

this man would be the kind of mf to look up his “crush’s” zodiac just for shits & giggles, so if he randomly knows a taurus fact, don’t question it<3 (he looked up your compatibility and he will take that to the grave)

issei is an infp idc. so yall got that in common.

he’s genuinely so pretty.

bc i took so long, i’m going to put descriptions for all the songs i love you thanks for requesting sorry for taking forever i’ll link the playlist and list the songs<3

1. silly girl- chloe moriondo

okay while this song is actually kinda sad, i think tHIS is pretty cute. issei comes off as this intimidating guy, and the more you get to know him the more you forget ab this idea of him you had or whatever? like the lyrics “i made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be” are really prominent in the point i’m tryna make because like even tho the lyric is obviously sad bitch shit, music is up for interpretation and this is like “hello ok he actually a real mf and shiiit maybe he cool😁✊”

2. nice boys- TEMPOREX

kinda sad. i don’t care how unemotional he might act, everyone has shit that brings them down. PLUS HES A PISCES THERES NO WAY HES NOT SAD SOMETIMES. this song just really taps into insecurities for him, and the song just gets under his skin in like a very therapeutic way. also “because he’s a pisces” some of his emotions are super intense so the “because he cares too much” line hits him fuckin hard

3. IV. sweatpants- childish gambino

this is some shit he listens to more with his team, absolutely. no doubt they blare this shit during weekly practice. but, he really really likes the song. so, when you’re hanging out and he has the aux? it’s one of the first ones he puts on. you two jam to it together. he’ll come up w dumb little dances to fit with certain lyrics (stole some of them from oikawa and hanamaki, but he won’t tell you)

4. you get me so high- the neighbourhood

okay unfortunately i must say him and hanamaki get fuckin faded in empty fields at two am all trashy like. but they make it look good idc. and if you smoke, cool, if you don’t he does not care. he always associated getting high with,,, getting high and everytime he listened to this song it just was one of his getting blazed jams, but now he’s got like a different kinda “euphoric” feel with loving you? like i said this bitch is a pisces even if he doesn’t overwhelm you with affection, he thinks ab you 24/7

5. 80’s makeout session- dacelynn

thIS SONG IS SO CUTE. but it’s p self explanatory. in love and also spare a kiss pls

6. can i call you tonight- dayglow

i feel like actually coming to terms with genuine feelings for someone would be kind of weird for issei. like no offense, but he sees it as kind of a pain in the ass. i genuinely think he would be someone to put his all into work or a task in front of him. he’s super intuitive, and constantly uses it to be better. whether it’s in volleyball or like cremating ppl i guess (HE WORKS INA FUNERAL HOME POST TIME SKIP IF U DIDNT KNOW). and it’s the same in relationships, but it’s also harder because he can’t have this complete clear head because you make his brain go kinda fuzzy. so, this song is like his little way of expressing that even tho he was like ‘internally conflicted’ this mf chose to go for it and that’s how much u mean to him

7. clair de lune, L. 32- claude debussy

i’m gonna be fucking honest with you. even though he’ll listen to anything, i really don’t think this man is looking up ‘classical romance study tunes’ playlists in his free time. he definitely enjoys the music, but that’s only if someone points it out to him. and he’s listened to you talk about it before, and watched you as you heard the piano and gauged your reactions and thought u were pretty cute he’s not gonna lie😼. so he definitely just looked up classical romance and picked the first recommended song and added it on there. he’ll dance w you a lil bit, but it wouldn’t be that quiet, intimate slow dancing in the dark you think would come w this song. itd just be a little sway as he hugs you from behind while you get water, or he twirls you once randomly with a laugh UGH I LOVE HIM

8. like real people do- hozier

ok. this one was fun for me. idc. double meaning lol. so this song is literally about two dead bodies in a bog and ,,, and he works in a funeral home PLS LMAOFJAJDJA I THINK THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY AND SO DOES HE. but also this song literally is my idea of love. this is my idea of love. and yall listen to it, with your stupid little death joke, but he looks at you and he’s just like ‘oh’. yknow? YKNOW?

9. BS- still woozy

like i said, i think he puts a lot into work. and he literally plays for a powerhouse school there’s no way he doesn’t practice a lot. so that means there’s a lot of time where he’s physically not there and definitely can’t text, because he’s trying to improve. and while he wouldn’t stop volleyball for someone else, he understands that you are like super amazing for being so Cool with him not being the most available. the song just reminds him of how compassionate you are and also he does miss u when he’s at practice YKNOW?

10. i <3 u- boy pablo

this one made me so fucking soft ew. ok. this song reminds him of you so so much. he’s totally okay being vulnerable with you? and even though he has pretty heightened emotions, he’s never felt like so strongly for smth other than like ??? volleyball and caring ab his siblings (BUT HE FEELS DIFFERENT FOR U THAN HE DOES FOR A VOLLEYBALL AND HIS SIBLINGS PLEASE😁). HE LUVVVVV YOU

11. heart-shaped box- nirvana

so many reasons. for one, simply fucking JAM. yall would scream this on a drive. if you ever got drunk together, this would be the first song you play. also, little lyrics remind you of each other. (the pisces lyric in the first and third verse, and even tho the flowers aren’t being used in a sweet sense in the song he does remember talking ab flowers w u, and now any flower is mentioned and he’s like “ah yes. my girlfriend.”)

12. pluto projector- rex orange county

FUCK. FUCK THIS SONG. GOD. NO. LIKE HE REALIZES HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. HE T E L L S YOU HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. the first time, he just sends you the name of it like ‘pluto projector <3’ and you listen and it’s so sweet and ur like ayo turn this shit up. and he adds it to your playlist, which definitely gets a smile from you. and then one night like two weeks later youre just laying together, and he’s running his fingers through his hair and he pulls away for a second to grab his phone and he turns the song on and you just listen to it in silence and it’s so fucking intimate. and he’s just like “i don’t think i’ve ever related to a song more” and you think he’s making a joke so you tell him to shut up (also jokingly) and he just laughs and it’s dark in his room and he’s playing with your hair again and he just goes “god, if you’re telling me to shut up over that i don’t even want to imagine how you’re gonna react when i tell you i love you” and it’s right around 3:10 in the song i’m literally so gone for him. bye you cry and try to hide it but he can tell HES PERCEPTIVE

13. i wanna be yours- arctic monkeys

okay for one, it’s a good song. it’s a song he absolutely let’s play in the background, just to cover the static lol. but also? ALSO? THE TITLE APPLIES TO YOU THE FUCK? it’s as if,,, he’s whipped,,

14. supermassive black hole- muse

hanamaki prolly showed him this song, and it’s one of his vibe songs. he will do falsetto while singing it if he’s in a really good mood and it just makes everyone laugh, including himself. it actually kind of grosses him out, because this song used to literally just be a song he would aimlessly go hard to but NOW his little bitch ass is like “you set my soul alight”? i guess i relate and “oh baby, i’m a fool for you” well, surely i’m not a fool but yea i get you muse sing it. it’s so gross. at this point he wants one thing that doesn’t make him think of you, just to prove that he’s not that gone, but he struggling

15. desperado- rhianna

i’m sorry to say it but this song makes him feel like a bad bitch LMAOOOOO. like if he’s ever getting pregame jitters or anything, he will just play this song. whether it’s on the speaker or in his headphones, he puts this shit on full volume and gets a lil too cocky LOL. this is also on the main seijoh playlist no doubt. he wants to share his bad bitch song w you, so you can aLSO feel like a bad bitch?? dUH

IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT BABES! IF YOU WANT ANY OF THE SONGS CHANGED (or even the character) LMK!! UR AMAZING ur so sweet it makes me ill

#haikyuu #haikyuu playlists #ikigaitooru playlists #matsukawa issei #mastukawa x reader #matsukawa playlist #haikyuu x reader

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escapekissed · 4 years ago

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Lucky do you have any favorite pieces of media from the psychological horror genre? Feels like its a genre that matches ur interests very well 👉🏽👈🏽

there are a couple that really speak to me!

first is rule of rose, which is a game that is incredibly formative to me. in a time where i was looking for representation as a young gay person and REALLY into looking up wiki pages for horror games, rule of rose showed me the symbolic trauma of puberty and toxic ‘love’ between girl children and the violence of patriarchal figures that i was looking for. it showed such cruelty but also such strength in its main character, and the symbolism? exquisite.... it also just has such a creepy atmosphere and the fact that the game is near impossible to play along with its shitty graphics for the enemies makes it so. peculiar and creepy in a very special way to me.

catherine is another atlus game near and dear to my heart, tho i dont think i’m ever going to be playing full body for that exact reason. it’s a game basically about eugenics and misogyny, about gods&devils thinking of women as only reproductive objects and the men in their lives that ‘waste their reproductive time’ being tortured and killed for it, taking away a woman’s choice. i always thought it would be so interesting to do trans and lesbian takes on this game, and i have never really? stopped thinking about how this game is so thrilling in its themes of entitlement and stopping people’s freedom to love as they wish. this is also one of the only horror games in which the ‘human element’ actually interests me. so many horror games give u terrible people and i dont give a FUCK ABOUT THEM. but the way this game shows u just snippets of his life as a ‘break’ from the excruciatingly scary (to me, because time limits scare me LOL), stressful as hell puzzles. and u get to figure out the mystery of what is going on in people who would otherwise be boring to you, but in this game are shrouded in just enough mystery that ur actually interested in their boring day-to-day lives. its so satisfying just to drink with ur buds. its like really great gameplay to me tbh. i also just love katherine and catherine and they frusturate me so much and that’s exactly what they’re supposed to do which i LOVE. extremely effective atmosphere setting and worldbuilding, basically.

the lighthouse is my favorite horror movie tbh because it does suspense so well. the movie is literally themed around suspense, the suspense of not getting sexual satisfaction to completion, of being touch starved and lonely and repressed, of being able to hold ur boss but never kiss him, of being fed lobster but it tastes flavorless and bland and u can smell ur boss’s farts the whole time while he prattles on with disturbing sailor’s tales and barks out orders until he’s lulled into his drink. i honestly love this movie. and the acting is brilliant and unhinged

there’s a few indie games i really like that have been either formative to me or i just??? really like their vibe and i can basically tell from them i would like every game in the ‘genre.’

pocket mirror to me is like, this beautiful game about your own inner toxicity and escaping from yourself. i love indie 64-bit games like this, the background art is so beautiful, and while i’ve never played all the way through it because it scares me too much---i love ib and all the games in the ‘ib’ genre LOL.

doki doki literature club i know is a very strange game to like, but i enjoy it for letting the women be actual characters with their own thoughts and feelings. the pychological horror movie ‘i’m thinking of ending things’ is the exact opposite of this game.'i’m thinking of ending things’ is a backwards approach to feminist horror in my opinion. it’s from a male’s perspective of his hallucinations of a girl that once didn’t give him a second glance and his violence towards her in these fantasies. it takes itself painfully seriously. it pretends to deconstruct something that the director helped soldify (the manic pixie dream girl trope) in the public eye. doki doki literature club on the other hand, the passive character who ‘things happen to’ is the man. the active roles all go to the women in the game and what they do to themselves in order to be loved by not just a man, but the player, and in doing so they often become the all-knowing god of their own prison. like tell me that’s not the dopest thing u’ve ever heard of!

twilight zone is a big one for me but 5 episodes in particular have shaped how i view horror forever. ‘to serve man’---where the greatest, scariest thing in the world is not being able to understand the language another person is actually using and for them to manipulate u using ur own, actually wishing u harm as they placate you with your own interpretations. the episode where a rich man’s last will and testament is for his vain, selfish relatives to wear a mask until midnight that reveals symbolically how ugly they are to him. they bicker all night with petty squabbles, and then at midnight he reveals the mask has permeanantly shaped their faces to reveal who they really are and the abuse he suffered under them. the cornfield episode still scares the shit out of me as someone with an entitled younger brother whose entitlement and anger is often enabled by those around us, and i’ve always thought that it was such a good show of like, how patriarchy enables little boy’s violence. the episode ‘all the time in the world’ where an abused man with a shitty life is finally the last man on earth and he can do anything he’d like to do and all he wants to do is read but then he breaks his glasses. and finally! the episode where toys in a box come to life and bemoan their fate as they realize they will be trapped there forever in clothes and identities they do not recognize. these episodes always scare the shit out of me LOL.

besides that i really like. low-budget passion project indie games. the first that comes to mind is ‘the path’ which is about a family of four sisters of various ages all inspired by little red riding hood who stray from the path and are hunted by the woodsman. and then the game that YOU my dear myers! showed me! that haunts me to this day. basically a tape talks to you about the areas of a house and then starts to talk about the house as a living creature. and the living creature is hungry, without you inside it. the living creature is tired of being alone, it’s tired of being abandoned, it’s tired, and it’s eyes are empty with no one in the windows, and it’s mind is blank with no one in the bedroom, and it’s hangry there’s no one in its basement to feast on, to torment as it has been tormented by disuse.

last but not least, i really enjoy the book ‘sharp objects.’ which is not technically a horror novel. but it is about a serial killer, and about women and abuse and it has some of the best writing ever. so i highly recommend it AND the miniseries (watch the miniseries first then read the book bc the miniseries is like. directed better? but the novel is written and characterized better. it’s also very short u can finish it in like a day and a half).

honorable mentions for horror In General (not necessarily psychological horror) are: 1) the birdcage. i honestly consider this movie entirely unsettling. robin williams failing to portray a man that is actually attracted to nathan lane, which could be because they have simply been married so long but also is just awful to me in general bc it makes me feel like even our outwardly gay but still more masc gay men can’t love and be attracted to femme camp gays even when they’re married to them. the fact that both these men that could be so in love, that were so in love at one time, you can at the very least imagine, are told by their only son that they need to go back in the closet to impress some old ass republicans, giving the message that no matter how succesful you are in the gay community, no matter how bright and wonderful a presence you are, no matter how loving you are, no matter how much you love, no matter how interwoven you are in lgbt-ness, the straight people you love most will still try to change you to impress the wold. horrifying.

2) coraline. its children’s horror but that’s still horror baby! i think lately about how much the movie talks about mothers and birth. coraline calls whybie ‘why born’ and i just think about how much she thinks about creating a new life with a new mother, and how going through that small door into a long tube... it’s like crawling into a new womb and being reborn to a new mother that loves you. and that’s horrific from a feminist perspective in and of itself---that your child would feel so unloved and unimportant to you that she would literally... rather die in this life, technically, rather be ‘unborn’ to you and born anew to someone, someone just like you but better, someone just like you but what SHE wants a mother to be, feminine and skirted and smiling. and then there’s the fact that coraline only gives this up when she realizes her other mother basically wants to change her more to suit her liking in ways that would cause her pain, at which point she realizes this whole fantasy is a lie, not real, something meant to entice her and control her and make her ‘perfect’---the same way she wants her mother & father to be ‘perfect’ in a way that causes her to act out and hurt them. it’s psychological horror that’s technically not psychological horror in the best way, something you can really dig your teeth into, something that has so many layers to it. and the animation! gorgeous!

3) finally i have recently watched annihilation. and it kind of changed my life a little bit.... so often we’re used to viewing monsters as either 1) malicious or 2) romantic/sad/sexy. but the monster in this movie is literally a metaphor for cervical cancer.

to me, the monsters and the corpses and all the beautiful scenery in this movie, in every color u can think of, a muted rainbow of flowers and nature at its best and most bizarre and sprawling. i often say that monsters are beautiful, but tbh, i feel like... somehow i always mean that in a way that is near-fetishitic, somehow self-depcrating way, where i want to consider what other people think is ‘ugly’ is ‘beautiful to me’ because what i am also ugly to other people as a monster to the cishet white patriarchy. there are things i consider beautiful, certainly, purely beautiful. but when i talk about monsters being beautiful, it is in the way the sublime is beautiful. it scares me, it haunts me, i love it, i want to possess it as part of me, a totem to carry in my back pocket to make the strength in my own ugliness stronger.

when i saw the monster in this movie (SPOILERS) i was immediately unnerved at this bad cgi abomination that bloomed from the most beautiul cgi cancer death cosmos imaginable. it scared me and i had to sleep with a light on for 2 days after LOL. but i was also moved by its gentleness. by the fact that the cervical cancer alien, when it tried to hurt you, wasn’t trying to hurt you at all. it was simply copying your movements. in the movie, it says that the creature wants nothing. it was simply copying. it was simply changing. it’s a prism of nature---and it corrupts yes, and it can hurt people and things and turn them into scary but still terribly unique and beautiful things that also kill---but the movie says that it wants nothing. it simply exists. it’s a part of nature, same as us, a part of the same universe and cosmos, despite being alien to us and stange and hurting us sometimes in ways that it doesn’t understand.

i don’t know. if i quite believe the movie when it says that, though. because i think if you copy someone, like a child would, you are trying to understand them. you are trying to understand yourself. you are trying to form yourself in another’s image when you have none, and you are failing at that, and hurting people and creating monsters in the process, but you are trying as best as you can to be whole and beautiful and sane like the lovely creatures you’ve met on this earth, or this body. to be part of something great and beautiful. to be part of another world.

maybe it doesn’t want anything. but do WE want anything as children, when we copy adults? why did the bear and the alligator try to eat our heroes if they were not hungry? did the bear and the alligator not WANT to eat? i think everything wants to live, and everything wants to grow, and if it can learn to live better and grow better it Will learn even if that is not its explicit intention. does the alien have feelings? does nature? do we have to personify things to understand them? no. does personifying things make us understand them less? no, yes, sometimes. we ask animals and nature to copy us, follow us, so that we can understand them better. the relationship in between----from the hurt, from the pain, from the droughts and the food shortages and the hurricanes and the fireworks---forms from our kindness and understanding. that our crops are useful, and the man-made mutation of our crops and the help of the ran and the sun is also useful. that our animals may not love us, but they need us, and we love them for putting their paw on our thighs to be pet, for following us into the bathroom even when we just wanted a moment alone.

regardless of its intentions, the alien, cancer, every creature, every human, they simply want to grow. in copying others---in trying to touch, to change, to understand, and be close---we learn to live in the same body, learn to live in the same world. the togetherness--the new sight the prism brings---it’s beautiful. it is beautiful to copy, however poorly. it is beautiful to try. we all shape others to our own standards---we sometimes forget we too, were made in own own perception of others’ image.

#ooc: replies #this took me all day to answer because i had to go to COSTCO in the middle. LOL #destructiveglitch

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years ago

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omg okay so i was totally ignorant but now i am enlightened because the brilliant @h00f sent me the booth video recording and im dying over it so here we goooo. i recorded it and uploaded the vid into davinci resolve so i could zoom in and also go through frame by frame.

tl;dr: so its all good its all good UM TYREEN’S TATTOOS WENT MISSING ON HER FOREARM AND THEN SHE SUCKED A MONSTER AND THEY REAPPEARED so it’s all good it’s all good im not having a crisis. im not. i thiiiiiiiiink we see the Vault of Promethea (the one with the cranes, but lilith also says “wherever the hunt for the vaults takes us” which throws me off a bit. still kinda think it’s promethea tho).

so not what i was expecting to be doing at 2:32 am but you know what? this is okay, borderlands gives me literally infinite energy

and new content? HOH BOY i am going to go so fucking in depth. hold onto ur horses. i was working on my mock intro to the game but this is so much better

UMM?? HOLY SIHT????

THAT’S THE SAME TILE AS THE ONE IN THE TEMPLE

I THOUGHT THIS WAS ON EDEN-6???

same tile on the wall on the right there

those guardian statues have staffs!!! that’s so rad, like the Watcher and shit, they also have less big necks?? or they might be bowing down. they look a lot more humanoid than the guardian/eridian statues im used to!!!

like as far as i can see they don’t have the butt spikes? maybe these are just super well preserved and thus not broken/spiky/cracked!! I do think the staffs are awesome! I know the Watcher carried one and so do some in TPS (I don’t recall seeing any in bl1 with staffs? im pretty sure they used their energy claw things) so maybe these are a higher tier of guardian than the ones we see in bl1? (which, if the Eridians wanted us to open Pandora’s vault as punishment for stealing fire the tech on Promethea, then that would make sense)

AND THE CRANES! and the buildings!!!!! is this Promethea’s vault? there’s something in the sky near the moon (?) so i thought maybe that was the asteroid belt but... it’s only condensed in one area..?

it looks like a rocky place (you know, the quasmarian quarry Typhon mentions?!), i could see it, it looks super well-kept!!! my only problem?? it’s not underground/next to a cliff or anything. i guess it’s actually possible with those cranes and shit that it’s been excavated completely

i think we walk out of a temple here, which makes me think this is connected to the temple with all those monster dudes in it (also i can’t be the only one who thinks the blue sparkles on the statue on the far left makes it look like it has a shiny thicc butt. i CANNOT be the only one)

you know this one

well ACTUALLY in the We Are Mayhem trailer we DO see one of these guys!!! he’s on Maliwan’s side as the VHs are running across the bridge and im pretty sure that is Promethea!

IM PRETTY SURE

the neon lights and shit make me think it is in fact the city!!! maybe a part of the city that’s been totally overrun by Maliwan??

okay im certain this is promethea, those turrets we 100% see in the gameplay reveal trailer (below)

i thought i recognized that silhouette!

so unless maliwan is carting those demon dudes from a different planet to use in their army, I’m going to guess the huge ass temple was excavated from when Typhon found it (explaining the cranes and buildings) and Maliwan maybe took control with the CoV and somehow?? got control of those big demon boys. not quite sure tbh

OKAY SO THIS IS SO AWESOME ASDFGFHGJFK IM NERDING THE HELL OUT I LOVE ERIDIAN STUFF AAAA OKAY SORRY IM JUST ADSFSGFHYDJUK

AND THIS ONE LOOKS SO TINY?? I AAAA I KNOW IT’S NOT BUT??

THIS FEELS LIKE IT WOULD BE THE VAULT ON ATHENAS (IF THERE IS ONE) THOSE STAIRS (??) ARE GIVING ME THE VIBE. THERE IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT A LOT TO WORK OFF OF HERE, BUT THE PROJECTION THING IT’S DOING IS NEATO!!

okay so this is either paint or light. and i can’t tell if that’s a person up there or a statue or something? I feel like i can’t almost see a cross or something so...

THEN IT CUTS TO THIS? AND HOLY STARGATE VIBES BATMAN I LOVE IT

i have a huuuuge feeling at least one of these Vaults is going to appear in like a cutscene of a flashback where Rhys and/or Fiona describe what happened at the end of Tales. The reason I’m bringing this up right now is because this Vault is just... in a void. There’s nothing around it except that gradient which is really bizarre to me.

JUST

ALL OF THIS

HOLY HELL THAT LOOKS LIKE A FORTRESS IN THE BACKGROUND MAYBE THAT’S WHERE THE TWINS ‘LIVE’? I IMAGINE THEY HAVE SOME SORT OF PLACE TO SLEEP AT THE VERY LEAST

it has the mouthpiece shape on the top up there? although i guess that could also be a VERY crude statue of someone raising their hands to the sky?? but it looks like the mouthpiece symbol.

another shot of the HBC

intro to the rc

what i am assuming is the back area of the RC? but uh... given what we saw above, maybe this is in their fortress area???? imagine lilith teleports away because the twins stole the key from us and we have to sprint to their fortress base and when we get there it opens into a cutscene and Lilith is crawling on the ground away from them

mhmhmhmhmhmmm

heyo look at those shapes and colors on the left there. you know exactly what im gonna say

im gonna say it anyway

inhale atlasatlasatlasatlasatlasatlasatlasatlasatlas

okay i think i got it out of my system

it could also be dahl architecture (because it looks very very similar to the RC) painted with the colors of the CoV. Could also be that.

i do think it’s interesting because this is almost the exact same shot as this!!

which means this is here

and i can 100% see this being in their fortress (???) and not the RC. The RC has that huge area in the back we don’t explore yet, so it could be there but... now I’m thinking... what if that’s just so we find the clue that the sun smashers gave the key to the twins in the HBC? Like i know i said the room Shiv comes out of is gonna be it but... maybe the whole area is just for quest stuff? or there’s a loot room or smth. idk. it’s good to keep ur mind open to alternative possibilities, is all

we get to learn what color Tyreen’s power actually is! ... I think? I’m pretty sure. like im hopeful this happens before she steals Lily’s powers...? but?? anyway although the vid is washed out, if we look at the shot from the dev trailer, it seems to be purple/red. I thought it was straight red, but guess not. Unless this IS after she stole Lily’s powers and that’s why she’s looking at it like that LMAO. i don’t know!!

Troy with a little robot buddy! Did he build that?! it’s adorable! it reminds me of the one in the RC but without a snake body. I wonder if his body mods/arm/neural implants let him control it. that’d be so rad

... why did the background start glowing???

ty in the hbc!!!

same shot with troy. i think this is the same cutscene as the reveal trailer one (VS the Calypso Twins) just at a slightly different angle/animation

oh shit is that a demon boy in the background? i think it might be

definitely looks like the temple area!! those spikes look like they could’ve been part of one’s wings, you can even see the thin skin bit stretched out on the left next to tyreen. also... is that an eyeball on the part in the middle there? that’s horrifying. no thank you.

so far, literally the closest we see Troy near one. This is 100% after he shed the monster skin like a snake. ... I’m kidding. mostly.

also i can’t believe my art of the twins giving the rock on symbol is actually legit. i posted that literally the morning before their personalities were revealed in the demo, im so happy

if this is not the video we see in Shiv’s room I’m gonna be so disappointed. is that a sword behind the box? Also i think i understand why the Map Machine Broke now. I am under the assumption this happens before they steal lily’s powers, but it’s entirely possible it’s after! this looks like the area they steal them in, so maybe lily sees it on live stream and is like “NOPE FUCK THIS” and teleports in to steal it. that’d be really interesting... still hoping they steal her tats after the HBC tho. im gon b really upset if they dont lol (not really, because it’s fucking bl3, but like... why would u then go put the map with mouthpiece... why...)

troy has his tattoos here! that or his skin has been peeled off and he’s losing a lot of blood. let’s say he has his tattoos so i can sleep tonight :)

cuts to him catching the key? almost want to say this is a different scene entirely than the previous one. same area, probably though

hmhmhmhmhm the fortress (?????) doesn’t seem to be connected to a rock wall at all (it’s elevated on like a plateau) so you know what, maybe this IS in the RC afterall!

fuckin mlg over here

oh it stops glowing again. you know maybe its on like a timer/pulsing or something. maybe that’s not important lol

back at the monster. why does tyreen look nervous/in pain? AND WHERE DID HER FOREARM TATTOOS GO???

OH MY GOD

THEY ONLY START REAPPEARING AFTER SHE DOES THE SUCK ON SOMETHING BELOW HER

WAIT HOLD UP

UMM

wTF???

i think that’s the horn or part of the monster they were sitting on/had killed???

holy shit. are tyreen’s tattoos/powers temporary and she has to continuously suck the life force out of stuff to keep them going??????? maybe stronger stuff = longer battery life??? holy shit.

troy in jakobs manor! explains the psychos with tv heads being hung everywhere

i was about to say this was the HBC but its not. ‘HOLY CHILDREN’ maybe this is where the VHs are walking forward with the giant spike head behind them. you know, this area?

altho that would be the outside of it. ACTUALLY maybe this is the entrance to the fort?? the walls like like castle walls lol

what in the holy fuck is that thing??

it looks like a fucking dragon??? sitting on a wire ball?

where the heck is this? in the temple area maybe? i don’t ever remember the floors glowing, but they do look similar.

oh and the twins shake forearms again. maybe Tyreen is giving Troy half her powers or something and whenever she does her tattoos start to disappear so she has to suck more energy from other stuff to keep them present??

to this shot, so it’s a possibility. maybe they figured out how to “activate” stuff or something! And i am kinda thinking this is on Promethea now because of the Vault being similar? and the big demon boys appearing. but again like... the Eridians were kinda EVERYWHERE so it’s hard to say for certain even if the architecture looks similar. of course it would, they were goddamn everywhere. still curious as to why Little Blue gets that book, though. is it typhon’s book? a siren’s book? a researcher’s book? one of her ancestor’s books? i don’t know! lol

another shot of this. is this actually a vault???? it seems small and tbh the vaults are usually like... not shaped/designed like this? maybe it’s a statue. idk this feels wrong saying it’s a Vault. it doesn’t even have the inscriptions. maybe the academic district on athenas has a statue of a vault bc they’ve got a bunch of weird shit like Amara’s tattoos on a building and a vault symbol for a door so why the heck not this too lmao

the circus area with the ferris wheel! im so excited for this area. hype hype. it looks like it’s next to the motorcade. maybe this is where the big face arena place with pain and terror is, too!!! i could see the whole arena type deal being in a giant red circus tent

oooo where the fuck is this?? im interested. my first thought was a spaceship bc of the machinery (?) in the back but... maybe not?

maybe some part of the CoV spaces we’ve already seen? the railing in the back makes me think so.

back in the HBC!

space shot of Promethea (the asteroid belt and city lights)

it was at this point in the vid i started crying (like for real lol)

god im so ready for this game

Sanc-III!

colors check out

im still wondering where that blue ship is...

they have totally different paint designs and the blue one is on the cover art as well!!! what is UP with that gearbox?!

anyway, this is TAKE OFF and also a nice shot of Elpis in the background. the crackening lava seems to have died down over 7 or so years. good for her.

“Pandora”. i love the sky, holy shit that’s gorgeous. what’s in the sky there by the moon? i don’t know! maybe sanc-iii actually DOES have a cloaking device. damn, i was kidding, but that’d be amazing

eden-6! with the jakobs manor in the background. this looks vvvv similar if not the same area we got the moze gameplay in

Promethea!!!!!!! wow this place is gorgeous holy shit

as this shot appears lily says “wherever the hunt for the Vaults takes us” which is likely implying this isn’t promethea. athenas, then? It’s possible, we see Maliwan has occupied at LEAST the academic district so i could see them excavating a Vault.

THERE’S A BIRD where do we see birds??? on eden-6, but this 100% does not look like eden-6 to me... it would explain the temple, though....... because tannis has the floor tile in her office the same time she’s crawling around inside a dino so... maybe???

we’ll have to see! I kinda hope it’s promethea, seeing large buildings and cranes and shit would only really fit my views of Promethea and Pandora.... the whole area is giving off weird blue sparkly effects, maybe it has been teleported or summoned or something? i don’t really know what’s up with that tbh.

it cuts off on this shot

wondering if this is like a character selection screen or smth it reminds me of the persona “press start” screens haha

also the art in the background is pretty rad. anyway that’s all for now folks

im gonna go pass out now, it’s 4:12 in the am. gnight

edit: i got my acronyms for the hbc and rc messed up bc i am a v tired.

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #oh man oh me oh my #panel breakdown #the calypso twins #tyreen calypso #has anyone else noticed that about her tattoos yet?#i was busy working on my mock opening so all i got was the message then ran to do this asap lol #i would just like someone to tell me if im crazy or not #because i swear she doesn't have tattoos on her forearm #and then they appear #after she starts using her powers

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blueshelp · 6 years ago

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how to: colouring east & southeast asian celebs

tbh idk what to title this but here we go!! i keep seeing gifs (especially gif icons) that whitewash east & southeast asian fcs so i’m gonna. tell u. what’s good and what’s bad since some of you don’t seem to know. or just choose to do what you’re doing which is... shitty. anyway. some asian people may have lighter skin tones but surprise!!! asian people are not white so u can still whitewash. also half the time celebrities you see are not nearly as pale as you think they are (especially when it comes to k-idols).

ok (my colouring from scratch):

not ok (some psd i found for a kdrama):

i’m obviously no expert at colouring like i really have minimal colouring skills but that’s just proof that not whitewashing isn’t even hard since i can do it. anyway. here we go!!

warning: very text heavy. i wanted to explain how to do stuff and why to do it instead of just “do this but don’t do this” so hopefully it can be educational maybe.

number one: excuses.

let’s start at some common excuses for why people think it’s ok to whitewash/pinkwash (i saw this term used sorry if i shouldn’t use it??? it just means to remove the yellows from a persons skin and leave only the pinks).

“it’s just aesthetic i don’t mean to change their skin” — literally i do not care, it’s still whitewashing and why does your aesthetic need to wash out people’s tones???

“asian people have lighter tones/white skin anyway so it doesn’t matter” — this is actually a lie, first of all. some asian people might have “lighter tones” to the point of being very pale but it’s still not okay to make them even lighter and wash out what colour they do have.

“the original gif/video is pale already” — does that mean you should make it lighter??? nope!!! and you shouldn’t be editing people’s gifs anyway.

number two: different types of scenes and colouring around them.

listen i know... i know jdramas are a pain in the ass to colour. they are so so bad. but here’s some examples of how to colour and how not to, and ways to achieve it.

this is from the drama pretty pr*ofreader.

ok (even tho its still not the best colouring):

not ok (and kinda makes her look like a clown):

okay to achieve the top result:

i always start with some base curves, by autoing the curves and adjusting to make brighter but not the skin too much.

then i add another curves and use the black selector to pick what areas should be black (her eyes, for example)

then i add some simple levels to brighten.

then i added a hue/saturation layer to tone down some of the yellows/greens because it was way too green.

then a colour balance to add some more reds into the colouring.

then a brightness again, only a little.

then another colour balance for more reds, a little yellow (shifted it from green to pinky).

then two colour select layers to add more blacks?? (idk why i did this tbh lol)

then another final layer to add some more yellows back in.

here’s a gif of the progress:

now here’s a more neutral scene from a drama, i just wanted to get the hard stuff out the way. this is from the drama when a snail falls in l*ve.

ok:

not ok:

okay to achieve the top result:

same methods of making curve bases as the one before

levels to lighten background but bring down the grey, to make her a little darker since i lightened her in the curve layers

colour balance to add back some pinks and yellows

selective colour to darken whites since they were pretty bright (dont have to do this tho)

selective colour to darken blacks (hair, uniform, eyes)

hue/saturation to desaturate cyans (not necessary i just dont like the colour lmao)

colouring progress gif:

kdramas actually have the best scenes to colour since a lot of them are very hq and neutral, so honestly i’m not sure how they end up being whitewashed. i have a psd for doctors on my blog, a kdrama, which is a pretty good base psd for kdramas to work with.

honestly any drama with good neutral lighting can have a nice colouring with just two curves layers and some additional tweaks here and there. for example below only has 4 layers:

other tips and tricks:

use selective colour after brightening a gif to try bring back some colours! etc, heightening the black on reds/magentas/yellows and adding more colours from that selection

colour balance to add more pinks and yellows if you need to from a blue scene

curves are your friend! use them for bases

use a clipping mask to rub away your psd to check against the original gif to see if you’re whitewashing

if a scene is too hard to colour? just don’t do it lmao. it saves u so much trouble and time

um also don’t make them super yellow? i don’t need to explain why that’s racist but i’ve seen it a few times and it needs to stop

number three: what you’re doing wrong (probably).

brightening too much (with either brightness or levels or curves)

de-saturating reds/yellows (they arent ugly colours, and they’re necessary for skin colour)

adding over colours that are really pale

trying to achieve a pastel look (it’s just desaturated. there are plenty of poc friendly pastel psds out there that are pretty)

using someone else’s psd is fine, just make sure it works for the person and scene you’re giffing. if not, make some adjustments. just because the psd whitewashes for that scene doesn’t mean you cant tweak and change it.

number four: editing other people’s gifs

just don’t do it!!

number five: resources and other help

@dear-indies psd tag (includes lots of poc friendly psds)

the poc psd tag

this tutorial

bunch of psds here

#coloring tutorial #idk how 2 tag this lol its been in my drafts ages so here #rph #tutorial #krph #im tagging it krph bc yall r the biggest culprits of whitewashing asian fcs!#not user krph tho lov u :)#a: mine #a: my tutorial

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hyungkyun · 6 years ago

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(^:

HENLO!!! this is ur actual bday present, not that Gross thing i sent earlier lol. again, do whatever u want with it!! u dont have to post it or anything. it’s just easier to submit stuff like this than to, idk, send u an email like a señora lol.

ok so im doing this in bullet point format bc the last time I wrote a coherent, well-written paragraph was like 5 years ago or smth. anyway!! since u hated soooo much my beautiful, amazing, unique goths au im going with the loser couple au… which was also a college au of sorts?? dskjhksjdf this isn’t even an au, since y’all are already losers tbh (^: this also got out of hand…. this shit is eight pages long. idk enjoy bithc.

first of all, ck the kind of dude everyone’s lowkey scared of bc he’s silent and serious af. also he does seem kind of a weirdo, tbh?

youve seen him around, maybe you’re in the same dorms but u have absolutely no idea what he’s majoring in :o and u ask around but no one has any idea either!! oh wow a mystery~~

BUT he’s kinda cute hmmm (^: and u probably find the weirdo vibe interesting

however it’s so hard to get to talk to him. u always run into him when you’re out with friends or in a hurry to get to class so :///

but destiny works in mysterious ways~~~ and once u meet it’s rly. so unexpected.

actually, it’s awful since u get locked out of ur dorm sound familiar?? during winter break, rly late at night after a long study session at the library yes, the library, fight me. so u kinda just. sit down miserably outside ur room, since ur roommates are gone, cursing everything and everyone. u will eventually go looking for someone to help u out or smth but right now u need to Whine.

but oh my!! enter mister im changkyun!!! that weirdo who actually lives a couple of doors away from u (how come you never found out wtf???)

he sees u basking in ur misery and actually. finds u rly cute??? bc you’re pouting, cursing a little under ur breath, fumbling with ur phone. but u also look angry as fuck, ready to kill a man??? and yet you’re really fucking cute what the hell!!!!

so he comes up to u and asks u what’s wrong, to which u answer not so nicely without even looking up from ur phone, bc you’re rly so done with this situation ://

but then u look up and u See who it is fuck fuck fuck fuckfucbicvufkhkcfj

but since ck’s Nice and he understands that u must be having an awful time (and also bc he thinks youre cute) he offers to help u. you’re kind of skeptical since he’s just another student, what could he do???

until he tells u he knows how to pick locks lmaoaoaoaoa. that lil weirdo (‘:

anyway he saves ur night. but since he’s an annoying lil shit he’ll tease u abt it every time he runs into u for the rest of winter break.

since that day y'all basiclly become an old, bickering, married couple fnsdjdj

u never stop annoying each other…. you’re wearing a hoodie? he’ll probably pull the hood all the way down until it covers ur eyes, and u get him back by messing up his hair which, by the way,is so soft….. hmmmm

u call each other nerd and loser and dumbass all the time lmao. he’ll constantly bring up the way u met just to jokingly say that you’d be lost without him :/// he rly is a lil shit.

it’s funny bc everyone figures out u are falling for each other… except u two. and i rly do mean everyone. ur friends. his friends. ur roommates. ur cat. the janitor, too, probably. it’s so obvious it hurts.

one time someone implies u would be a cute couple and y'all literally go all ‘no???? haha me??? liking that loser??? pfft not in a million years’

it’s the biggest lie, of course (: and ever since that person suggested u would look good together, both of u kind of realize it’d be… nice. more than nice. actually, super nice.

but since both of u are dumb tsunderes, as ive said before, u will literally be the embodiment of this scene… except it goes both ways. honestly u are so gone for each other it’s GROSS.

but we need some angst up in here so y'all dont get together for a reaaaaaaally long time :/ smh. the pining is Real. ppl come and go in ur lives, and each person u go out with sees that u already fell for someone else—and that’s why all potential relationships don’t last much–, but sdjkfhksjdhk!!! neither of u want to openly admit it.

it’s A Mess bc u are actually good friends and u tell each other abt ur dates and stuff—secretly hoping the other will do something—but y'all looove being dumb so u act like it’s all cool and be like ‘o rly!! good for u, i hope it works out’. right. :/

y’all keep dancing around each other for several months until one Merciful Soul gets tired of ur shit and forces u to sort things out. im talking abt locking u up in some room and not letting u out until u stop pretending u aren’t disgustingly in love with each other. or smthequally cheesy (: u know ilove cheese

((obviously everyone eavesdrops through the door bc cmon, theyve been waiting for this for sooooo long))

at first u two are just annoyed at the Merciful Soul betchait was minhyuk, and u spend ur time yelling and cursing them for doing this (all while claiming that this is pointless, since u have NO feelings for each other. none. nada!)

after a very long time, it’s ck the one that confesses first lmao. youve been whining and being grumpy the whole time youve been locked up together and it kinda reminded him of the way u met… damn. here come The Feelings.

he’s tired, and there’s nothing left to lose. so he tells u The Truth.

[suspenseful pause….. what’s going to happen next?? :OOOOO]……… tune in next year to find out, in the continuation of Cristina’s Cheesy Birthday Present!!!

jk, proceed to the next bullet point pls.

obviously u tell him u feel the same way [insert ppl crying in the background] and he’s actually shocked when u say u like him back…. and gosh, he does look cute when he’s surprised…

so yeah!!! it’s until then that u FINALLY go on a date during the weekend!!. hallelujah. thanks minhyuk,u beautiful soul.

so!!! ok!! first date!!! a rly cute fairground in the evening!!!

u try to be fake mean to each other like u used to but everything feels different~~~ (^:

so instead y’all act bashful as hell, and blush at everything jjdfghjfhd. hands brushing accidentally?? BLUSH. eyes meeting? BLUSH. BLUSH BLUSH BLUSH!!! u also laugh at everything bc both of u are so nervous oh gmhg fdknjjkdsfjoidf this is gross.

he’ll tell bad jokes to make u laugh and they’re rly so so so bad that he actually keeps u in stitches. if u look rly closely you’ll see his huge ass heart eyes bc !!!! he made u laugh!!!! and u look so pretty when u laugh omg!!!! dis-gos-tinnnnn

it’d be such a cute date tbh im crying just thinking abt it (‘’’’: obviously he’s a gentleman and he lets u choose what to eat, which ride to go to first, etc. u could literally tell him ‘hey let’s just sit down and do nothing’ and he’d say yes. he’s so gONe, ifmgfjdmf.

he’s kinda quiet and a lot shier than u wouldve expected but youre literally melting bc that’s a new side to him that you’d never thought you’d see.

u end up having so much fun (‘: u gross lil idiots, u.

oh and he’s def the type to ask if he can kiss u at the end of the night EYYYYYY

even if u find that incredibly endearing you’ll probably roll ur eyes with a huge ass smile on urlips lmaoaoaoao and call him a dummy for even asking when you’ve literally be in cloud nine since ur date started kjkhwjeqdkwjlk

[hello, brief break to clarify that from this point i forgot this was actually a college au lmao, so the rest of the bullet points are literally just. random facts abt u two dating hhhhhh. We dont even know what ck’s major is odjfngnfdj]

at first things are a lil awkward in ur relationship tbh

catch ck googling ‘how to relationship’ on a daily basis dnfndkfjdncn he is sort of clueless abt how to handle The Feelings. mostly bc this is Important and the last thing he wants is to mess it up )^:

that goes away eventually, tho!! he’ll start being his weird little self real fucking soon, so Get Ready

u still call each other nerd and all that stuff, but ur voices are dripping with fondness when u say it… literally everyone around u gets cavities from it, ew.

he’s not that big on planning dates but from time to time he’ll take u to rly cool, unexpected, interesting places :o and eventually he’ll show u his favorite secret spots ((’:

study dates are a thing. i bet he’s that type of person that enjoys reading in weird ass positions… his legs are like, halfway off the couch and his arm is bent in a way that looks almost painful… what the hell….?? but it’s fine (: it goes so well with ur study methods, those that are Too Weird for the library, yeah?? (:

he will also stare at u a lot bc u look cute when you’re rly focused on smth that is, when u stop whining abtstudying…

every time u catch him doing that you’ll go all ‘stop staring at me!!! wtf are u looking at u weirdo’ and he’ll answer ‘you’re so pretty~~~ ♥️♥️♥️’. you’ll blush like a lil idiot, naturally (^: hmmmm

and yea, yea. nap dates are a thing too :/// with sleepy forehead kisses and raspy voices and tangled limbs. all that sappy stuff. he’s a lil shit tho, so he’ll sometimes poke ur ribs to tickle u lmao.

buuuut he’ll also take a lot of pics of u sleeping bc he thinks youre cute )))): his faves always end up being his wallpaper for months.

he’ll get strange gifts for u, like rly bizarre plushies and rare books on topics he thinks u will like, tacky anime memorabilia, etc. he’ll always give them to u at random times bc he just saw them and reminded him of u ♥️

he makes a lot of playlists for u too!!! pls listen closely, he puts a lot more thought into them than he lets on.

u like his selfies??? well he’ll send u a lot of those. unfortunately, bc he’s a lil shit, he’ll mostly send double chins and weird ass faces from equally weird angles

from time to time he’ll send u a Nice One tho ((((^: and u know, tongue selfies since youreSO fond of his(and I quote) “5ft tongue”. and oh gosh! is that a tongue piercing…??? eyyyyyy

if u want to take couple selfies then you’re gonna have a real hard time bc he’ll always be making weird faces and poses just to be annoying. eventually u will make dumb faces too tho (’: what a couple of losers

expect weird random texts: he loves telling u abt whatever is on his mind—probably aliens. he thinks a lot abt aliens and the universe. throw some conspiracy theories in there, too—. he’ll also send obscure memes. and a lot of russian cats!!

he’ll love ur cosplay hobbie. he thinks it’s super cool. he’ll call u a nerd but don’t be fooled! he totally brags abt it with his friends (^:

oh! and this is unrelated but at some point y'all will look like an emo goth couple. u won’t even realize that you’re both wearing black and looking Edgy, it’ll just happen spontaneously. tragic 😔

there are a lot of comfortable silences when u hang out, but late night deep convos are also fundamental :o!!! bc y'all are Smort.

he’ll act like f*cboi from time to time tbh?? he’ll tell lots of dirty jokes LMAO. u roll ur eyes at him a lot bc they’re rly. so bad.

if he winks or does Eyebrow Things then u can’t rly roll ur eyes and act like you’re annoyed bc (: u like it (: and u think it suits him (: and he knows it (: (: (:

u get back at him by telling him he’s cute tho, and he’ll get all shy and he’ll stutter and saying “noooooo” while also fighting back a smile

he will also howl or bark at u to annoy u jdfhkjdf. damn f*rry ://

on that note, he loves to embarrass u in front of ur friends bc he’s a lil shit :DD

But he’s also the sweetest??? whenever he sees you’re feeling down he’ll start doing weird shit to make u laugh. if that doesn’t work then he’ll hug u real tight without saying anything else, bc that’s Enough, u know?? (’:

ok time to get Domestic lads!!!

Idk who the hell is going to cook bc y'all are a damn mess in the kitchen. u two try to cook Nice Meals sometimes. seven times out of ten u end up ordering takeout lmao.

be prepared: he sings in the shower, and he does so terribly. (he might do it a little louder and a little more off-key sometimes bc he knows it makes u laugh)

random kisses are a thing!!! he kisses ur cheek or ur shoulder or ur nape or literally. any body part he can get his lips on when u two are just hanging out, watching movies or smth. it’s so soft and cute )^: wtf im crying

but also stolen kisses!! he’ll kiss u at the most unexpected of times and it alwaysleaves u breathless

he’ll constantly put his head on ur shoulder and make this face at u (^:

can’t sleep??? don’t worry!!! he’ll sing to u with that pretty, soothing voice of his

anyway. what I meant is that y’all would be such cute little idiots together this was long af. wow. im so sorry. happy birthday??? lmao

I HAD TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BC ITS SO FUCKING LONG NAT U DUMBASS ICB U DID THIS KFJSKFJSLKDJFLKJ THIS IS SO CHEESY AND GROSS and it also made me realize that u know too much shit abt me. what was that t*ngue part. im not talking to u ever again. aNYWAY U RLY ARE AN IDIOT I WAS SMILING SO BIG THRU THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE I SCREAMED A LITTLE?????????? FUCK U!!!!!!!! WHATS WITH ‘The Feelings’ PART I HATE THAT I ALMOST DIED FUCK OFF IM NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!! U CANT DO THIS TO ME SKJFHSKJDHFKSLDJFH

icb u rly did the fairground first date i rly fucking hate u why did i even tell u these things i knew it was gonna fire back im fjjgjkknknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ur ‘tragic 😔’ when we become a goth couple :/ u dont understand goth love

why the fuck did u make him howl. i wanna fucking die rn. what the fuck. he fucking would. fuck off.

i dont wanna talk abt all that domestic shit how did u even write all of that without dying i literally wanna rip all my limbs off i wont make any comment. i didnt need to know what that would be like but u looooove ruining my life so :)

i rly hate u ksdjfhskdjhfksjh icb u did this thank u i wanna die??????????? wtf nat !!!!! no but rly thank u :( u took the time to write this long ass college au (is it????? whats cks major tho rly :/ ) and just skdfjsjk u remembered all the weird shit i told u thats cute and also Really Bad what else do u know that i forgot i told u skdfksjh im literally always screaming at u abt this shit how did u !!! remember all of this!!!!! dldskfjshljhlakjsh this is so cute and horrible nat wtf how could u :( now im gonna cry :(

#SDFJSDJSLDJFHLSJDHJS URE AWFUL #but i love u sm what theu fuck u rly did all of this #sdjfksldjakjsdhlkajh u know how long it took me to even start reading it #i rly couldnt bc usually these aus are just cutesy and not so personal???#bUT I KNEW U WOULD RLY MAKE ME A LOSER ND IM JUST CRINGING #BC YEA THATS RLY WHAT ID DO SHUT THE FUCK UPSLDFJLSKDJ #i hate this. how the fuck am i supposed to go on with my life now :/#@at ck this could be literally us but u playing see u in london u better fucking step up ur game #idk what else to say this is incredible u rly are incredible #my baker bee #mutuals🌼#submission

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craigseyebrows-blog · 7 years ago

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realistic modern the outsiders head cannons

Ponyboy

-is that one mf that sends you sc streaks even though you’ve asked multiple times for him to stop

-will come up with every excuse in the world of why you beat him by 0.002 seconds in a foot race

(ex: I got ran over by a truck and a dog mauled my kneecaps so that’s why I’m not that fast today but I can beat you like every other time)

-posts sunsets or deep ass quotes/song lyrics on social media

-listens to a lot of tøp and tyler the creator

-claims to have a better music taste than you

-worships bob ross

-wears a lot of GOLF merch

-that one dude who sends you the answers to the homework when you ask

Sodapop

-ahem, F U C K B O Y

-he can actually commit sometimes....rarely

-that one mf that sends you “lol u up?” at like 3 am

-kinda sweet tho

-chick magnet

-wears a lot of thrasher/rip n dip/vans

-master of friend zoning people

-”awe I like you as a friend too!”

-despite him being an ass, if you touch someone he cares about, expect immense pain

-really dumb

-listens to lil pump and famous dex

-Read at 12:53

-”dude steve ur looking like a hella snack and I wanna just eat u up but like no homo”

-said no homo more times than “I love you”

Darry

-pretty much a dad

-gossips with all the PTA moms

-quietly judging every other track mom for bringing shit snacks

-is in college yet manages to take care of two lil shits, go to every PTA/track meet and keep up stable grades

-lol wtf is sleep

-feels refreshed with like 5 seconds of sleep

-survives off coffee

-saved up for a nice truck but bought a minivan after putting some thought into it

-on the grill at any event

-owns like 20 fanny packs

-just wears whatever is affordable

-listens to a lot of music from the 80s

Johnny

-that one really quiet kid in class

-even tho he’s quiet he’s not the shy, awkward, cute quiet, he’s the “I think he’s judging me/hates me” quiet

-listens to a lot of old music from like the 70s and 80s

-looks harmless but will cut you

-falls asleep in class a lot

-pretty obsessed with stranger things

-hair is extremely floof

-has a resting bitch face sometimes

-that one kid in group projects who ends up doing all the work

-only posts photos of his pet on social media

-hangs out or has sleep overs with ponyboy like daily

-literally dally is his senpai yet he’s the polar opposite of him

-usually just wears a dark blue hoodie and a pair of black jeans

Dallas

-really problematic (guy’s be honest with yourself, he was literally harassing Cherry okay? What makes you think he’d be a activist now?)

-has a shit ton of meaningless tattoos

-smokes a lot of weed and takes xanax here and there but aside from that he doesn’t really do any other drugs

-snake bite piercings, double ear piercing, nose piercing and an eyebrow piercing

-posts a lot of artsy/edgy photos on social media

-lost count of how many times he’s been to jail

-wears a lot of ripped jeans/edgy shirts and vans

-listens mainly to lil peep, nirvana and post malone

-#gayforjohnny

-literally if you touch Johnny he’ll stab you

-pretends to be homophobic even though he himself is gaaay

-”lol wtf is commitment”

-will forget everyone of his gf’s birthday but can tell you where Johnny last pissed, location, time and everything to the tee

Two-bit

-runs a meme acc

-don’t even try to show him a meme bc he’ll most likely respond with “I’ve already seen that”

-don’t try to roast him bc you be obliterated in fucking seconds

-”I drink to forget but I always remember”

-will tell you dad jokes as punishment

-disney fanboy af

-probs a conspiracy theorist

-quotes vines

-listens to joji miller/pink guy

-mainly wears joke shirts from hot topic or anything with mickey mouse on it

-really likes animations but can't draw for shit

-he doesn’t really know or care when he’s sober anymore

-class clown

-the one asshole that when your mom calls you he starts moaning or screaming “PASS THE BLUNT”

-went to disney world once and passed out after getting an autograph from Mickey

Steve

-listens to a shit ton of country

-brags about having high-end cars but actually drives 1984 chevrolet truck

-makes car reviews on youtube with loud obnoxious dubstep as background music

-accidentally watched rupauls drag race thinking it was on cars and still is secretly obsessed with it

-orders chocolate cake at every restaurant no matter what

-modern redneck

-preaches about how homosexuals ruin america but would gladly suck off soda any day of the week

-smells like cigarettes and gasoline

-plays a lot of racing games

-wears a lot of plaid or true religion

#the outsiders #this actually took me some fucking time #aaaaa

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lizziebennet · 7 years ago

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Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado:

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS:

((in no particular order))

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS: this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much.

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.” THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD.

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them.

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him.

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!!

#anonymous #aurora got an ask #hp #aurora RANTS

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swearronchanel · 8 years ago

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I rewatched 5.09 aka The 2016 Christmas Special

I officially have done nothing productive all day. I did finish rewatching The Nanny though if that counts 😂😂 I forgot how much it made me laugh. Anyway I’m randomly in the mood to watch the 2016 Christmas special so why not post? Btw this will be long af this IS incredibly long but I just had so many thoughts ya’ know?

Ah I’m excited again, this was such a great special don’t @ me

The Turners! ANGELA’S LITTLE NURSE UNIFORM 😭💕 SO PRECIOUS

SHELAGH LOOKING LIKE A BABE😍

TRIXIE looking a babe 😍 she assisted in the cesarean.. later she’ll do it herself ahh

I want to have Christmas dinner at Nonnatus aww

“To absent friends"💔 my freaking heart breaks, sister MJ’s face! ugh she misses sister Evangelina. But don’t we all?

More cute Angela not talking as usual (still waiting for a word)

I want Trixie’s Christmas outfit, I want all her clothes though 😍

WE OUT TO SOUTH AFRICA

# LETS GET IT 1962

rip to sister felicity tho

More Shelagh being flawless, like yes Laura Main is so gorgeous don’t sleep on it

”God moves in a mysterious manner" lol shelagh I just love u don’t ever change

“Our own son had polio once” yes use guilt to make your point & get ur way

take notes people

“What you did I did, where you go I go..” excuse me while my heart fucking melts 😭😭

I remember watching this Christmas Day & my mom and I did the same sigh and “aww” expression at that line

She loves the show and is going to be shook when she watches series 6 lol

Also like Shelagh’s dress is so cute I’m here for it

Lmaoo I was wondering for so long beforehand why tf they brought Fred?? They Need those engineering skills apparently

CMON BABY DO THE LOCOMOTION 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

Yess the music is lit

Trixie’s turquoise dress 👌🏻👌🏻 I want it

Tims leg braces! I actually noticed them and was lowkey proud because I rarely notice shit in the background

More Shelagh being adorable, as always

Get those vaccinations💉💉 f*ck shots though lmao I hate them

What is Patrick whispering to Shelagh? 👀👀

That’s almost right up there with what in the actual fuck did he write in those letters to get her to ditch the habit and wimple 😉😏😉 NO BUT FOR REAL WHAT DID HE SAY? We’ll never know *sigh*

I’m here for everything Trixie wears lets be real

LOL SISTER JULIENNE BASICALLY TELLING BABS SHE CANT BE FOOLING AROUND WITH HER MAN OVERSEAS

don’t even argue that she’s making a big deal with any of that “he’s a vicar, she’s a vicar’s daughter, they don’t believe in premarital sex” either cause they were making out in public before and he was grabbing her ass in a CONVENT Lmaooo (good for him he’s not letting god stop him😂) jk I’m going to hell for all the jokes I’ve made through out this show anyway

I feel though, so im letting them live

But still the married couple barely touch each other 😂 so I’m a little salty *pretend there’s a salt shaker emoji* Fu*k it though

Also Patsy and Delia have been together for a while and haven’t kissed either as far as I remember

BEATRIX FRANKLIN SLAYING AS ALWAYS 😍😍 love her coat and glasses and everything she is

And yikes that swimsuit babs lol

There’s Patsy! With the horrible horrible wig :/

Sister MJ with the Christmas cake 😭😭 aye bendito she just wants to share it

How rich with alcohol is it sister? Pass it over

By guys🙋🏼 we out this Bitch ✈️🚢

The music makes me so happy 😭❣️

“Look at you Barbara! brussel sprout green” Lmaoo ew I hate Brussel sprouts and also throwing up in general😂 sorry babs you’re gross rn

Legit I have not thrown up since I was like 8, I refuse to let myself 😭😂and 3 semesters in to university and lots of parties and drinks I’ve never actually thrown up (been pretty close though haha) *knocks on wood so I don’t jinx it*

I love Phyllis. Have I said that yet??

“..do you have anything to stop my mascara from running” lol I am Trixie

but was there no waterproof mascara yet?

uh oh here comes the asshole sergeant (I think it’s the same guy as later on?), and Tom is so reasonable lol

Shelagh’s hat with the flowers lol, but yes her cute summer dress love it, glad she only took one cardigan 😂

Lol when the sergeant tells Trixie don’t smile 😂😂

yes Dr Myra pulled up, I thought she was kinda bitchy at first and still kinda do but she’s tough and badass so I’m here for it

“I can see the caption now, English Roses dash African Skies exclamation mark!” .. “this is a new camera” LOL AGAIN PHYLLIS IS A GEM I LOVE HER SHE’S SO FUNNY

And again Trixie’s dress, it’s so pretty I want it😭😭

And again I’m Trixie, talking about needing a face mask 😂

lol Babs you smell like grajo 😂

Phyllis sniffing her 😂 “you’ve had enough barley sugar and sympathy”

The spider 😂 I don’t like spiders so I relate lol & Barbara killing it and coming at Phyllis with the clapback “there’s venom on it and some backbone”

Why do I find the linen habits funny?

Aw Shelagh “it’s at times like this I wonder what would Sister Evangelina do” I’m so glad she brought her up

Rip sister E 😰

I feel like Patrick would still feel hot in that linen suit, like it’s still a suit lol? same with the nuns but like they have no other choice

Alright I’ll give Dr Myra that though asking about radium treatment was naive of Patrick

Fred is so funny though 😂 leaving his mark by shaving lol

Throwback to Shelagh’s og bri nylon nightgown’s first appearance 😉

“What’s all this” LOL about to be the cause of this miraculous conception that’s what 😂

“It’s made of a new material called bri nylon..” Shelagh is so cute and genuinely wanting to explain 💕

Lol like cmon u know Patrick probably doesn’t give a fuck and is gonna take it off

Of course Trixie would be mad she didn’t get to set her hair

“That hat covers a multitude of sins” that’s legit one of my fav Barbara lines 😂😂

Shelagh is the only one who brought the belt to her uniform because she’s Shelagh & has to look calm, cool, collected and professional lol

Phyllis’s kink: rolodex systems 📇

lol I really do like Dr Myra, making Patrick feel dumb and I don’t care

“..and they live in a society that is gradually stripping them of any dignity or freedoms they ever had..” again I like Dr Myra a lot. I didn’t really think she had a white savior complex as some people thought because she wasn’t trying to change anything just to help. She even says later on she does it for their need not her beliefs

Proud of Babs for learning xhosa phrases

Just watching this man run makes me tired & he has like tb right? yup

LOL PHYLLIS IS LIKE DO I LOOK SCARED? kicking Fred out the drivers side 😂

“I’m all for persistence in the face of adversity” I loved this scene between Trixie and Roza 😭💕 too bad I didn’t know I was gonna end up sobbing later

Did the nurses and everyone know how bad Apartheid was?

“We have to bloom where we are planted” VANESSA REDGRAVE SAID A VARIATION OF THIS IN THE SERIES 2 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL WHEN MY BBY SHELAGH WAS GETTING READY BEFORE THE WEDDING I REMEMBER

Damn tho Dr Myra didn’t have to yell at the lady :/

THE SCENERY THOUGH, I WANT TO GO TO SOUTH AFRICA

Phyllis learned some xhosa too and im not surprised, she does it all

“Do you have the means to protect this mother and myself” no, “Then I don’t wish to hear anymore about it” PHYLLIS IS HARDCORE SHE DOES NOT GIVE ANY SHITS I LOVE IT

Aw Tom watching babs with the baby

lol I’m not ready for them to have a kid so I hope they wait a series at least

“NURSE BUCKLE” im cryin laughing 😂 I need more of the Phyllis and Fred dynamic

She just had a baby IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE, YES THE MOTHERS ARE HEROINES

“Hells teeth” lol Patrick tried to make hells bells a thing but we know it can’t compare

Trixie serving another look, but whats new? But yes girl you watch those c-sections you’re up to the plate soon!

Haha she’s gonna teach Babs how to smoke

“They aren’t good for you, and the pair of you should know that” YES PHYLLIS WHY DOESNT TRIXIE KNOW OR CARE?

LOL SISTER WINIFRED we know you’re a red head

Idc, sister W used to smoke. I know it 😂 she was living it up before joining the order and lowkey while she’s been a nun, I just want to know her real name?

Of course Shelagh is worried about the lack of records but aye there’s the dress from 6.03 that magically fit even though her uniform didn’t 🙃?

“Typhoo, we brought it with us” YES I HAVE IT & I KNOW WHAT IT IS NOW & CAN RELATE

This scene with Roza & Constance & the nurses + sister W was so sweet I loved it 💕

“Why you should never be sorry, just be glad” 😭😭 there must be something in my eye that’s why it’s watery

Lol aw Trixie saying sister Winifred don’t go yet

Sister Winifred dancing 😂 go to compline

I lowkey have the sister Bernadette unhappy with being a nun vibes from sister Winifred except she’s never really unhappy? You get me? Like she’s annoyingly enthusiastic (in a cute way) most of the time but you can tell she wants to do thing nuns can’t do

“I just want to get it started so I can run him over” DO IT FRED ILL GIVE U $5

“I’m here on a missionary basis, I’m trying not to think uncharitable thoughts” LOL DONT WORRY TOM, SHELAGH’s GOT YOU COVERED

“I’m perfectly happy to think them for you” and she pushes her glasses up 😂 I LOVE The sas. I love her. & then Patrick is like “that’s my girl” & it’s cute af

Dr Myra you’re in pain, I see you

LMAO SHE MAD THAT SISTER FELICITY DIED LIKE SHE MADE THE CHOICE?

“I don’t believe in any of that” how do you tell a nun you don’t believe in God lol?

CHURCH LIT 💃🏼👏🏼

SHELAGH & SISTER WINIFRED TRYING TO COPY THEIR DANCE IS THE CUTEST THING 😭

All of them in the back of the truck is the second cutest thing 😭✨

I cherish the two seconds Shelagh and Trixie sat next to each other 😭 I just want them to be friends!! give me a cute scene between them pls, I won’t stop asking till I get one

yikes @ the water, STILL RELEVANT IN 2017! even in the US in flint

THE ELEPHANTS! ah love it. I want to go on an African safari 😭 guess I have to settle for the fake on in Disney’s Animal Kingdom.. it’s lit though I won’t lie

Mathias and Able 💔💔 and Patrick explaining “man to man”

“All medicine is good, usually” UGH THE THALIDOMIDE

No Dr Myra!!

It’s not liver cancer!! Ah now to wait till they realize

“There’s never no hope at all Patrick, it’s 1962” YES SHELAGH, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. ESPECIALLY CAUSE YOU’RE HAVING A FREAKING BABY, #LETSGETIT1962

Don’t worry Tom, leave it to the pros. Sister Julienne is gonna handle Mr Stark(e)?

SHELAGH WITH THE GOATS IM DEAD, why is she scared of goats but delivered fucking piglets in series 1? I’d be more scared of pigs?

Shelagh talking to sister MJ on the phone 😭💕 THEYRE BOTH PRECIOUS

fuck it’s Roza, brb im gonna cry now

😰😰💔💔 phantom pregnancy

Trixie hurting me more

beach time 🌞🌞

SHELAGH TURNER AKA SISTER BERNADETTE SERVING LOOKS ON THE BEACH. I’ve seen this 3 times and I’m still shook like The hat, the swimsuit, the sunglasses, I am d e a d once again😍😍 when will your fav ever?? She’s sunburnt and still killing it

LOL spicy sausage..

Phyllis in trousers >>

Also Phyllis had her camera where are the photos when they get back?

BEATRIX FRANKLIN SLAYING IN the black two piece and clubmasters AGAIN, when will your fav ever?

HOW DO I GET TO LOOK LIKE THAT? 😭😭😍😍

How am I so attached to Trixie and Shelagh’s characters like wtf?? Everything they do and say and wear, I’m just shook all the time. It’s not normal

Like Laura Main and Helen George could literally punch me in the face and I’d thank them

Why did Barbara get so mad on the beach with Tom? I feel the stress was real but damn

lol shoutout to everyone on Tumblr for pointing out that Shelagh and Patrick were being cute in the corner watching the sunset or whatever

I loved this scene between Tom and Trixie💕

MY BBY HAS COME SO FAR, SHE’S GROWN AND SHE IS THRIVING. LIKE SHE’S ABOUT TO PERFORM A DAMN C-SECTION 😭

also she looks so beautiful, I want to look like that ah😍

Shelagh with the picture of Tim and Angela 😭💔💔

THEN SHE TOOK IS TO THE HOSPITAL UGH, so glad that is over it was too much

“I knew that yearning once, I was lucky because it left me when we adopted our daughter..” UGH CRYIN AND NOW SHE’S HAVING A BABY ANYWAY

BUT I LOVED THIS SCENE AS WELL

Shelagh is understanding & not judgmental of Dr Myra and I just love seeing her nursing & well I love everything she does but I’m so glad she had such great screen time

FRED DOING THE HAND MOTIONS FOR WHAT TOM WAS SAYING LMAO

“Medicine isn’t about doing what’s easy, it’s about doing what’s essential” yes Patrick, we have come full circle

there’s always a moment when I watch ctm and I’m like “I should’ve tried to become a nurse” then I’m like LOL NAH. The nursing program is so intense at my university I wouldn’t pass it anyway 😂

my mother’s a nurse though, I’ll leave it to her. After watching this episode it reminded her of how she always wanted to do a mission trip or like nurses without boarders and was trying to tell my dad she still wants to go 😂

too bad I’ve ruined her plans because my university’s tuition is ungodly & I didn’t get one damn scholarship

“No anesthesia” DR MYRA IS NO JOKE, kick ass woman.

Patrick, Shelagh and Sister J aka the dream team

How did they fake this? So crazy

“When people have no love to live for, it’s so very easy to fill that void with hate” 💔💔 something is in my eye again😭

“ Look where we ended up” “WE HAVEN’T ENDED UP ANYWHERE..and I’m not going to say anything else because I’m afraid I may speak sharply and no matter how high the stakes you don’t deserve that” HELL YEA SHELAGH, I’m so proud.

Sister W casually trying to not look at the handsome but sweaty Tom

Oh shit Dr Myra’s down

CORRA SHELAGH

Shelagh holding the umbrella and laying in the back with Dr Myra >>

Now Constance’s going into labor

Mr Stark I know you think you have a reason to be an asshole but wtf she’s a nun? Like you don’t even feel slightly disrespectful?

“I know what is it to have nothing but a photograph or two..” UGH THAT EPISODE WITH SISTED J’S OLD BOYFRIEND KILLED ME

I love Sister Julienne, I hope we can see hear more of her past.

Lol pbs cut that scene of Babs singing but why?

“Then we have no choice. We have to operate ourselves.” YOU CAN DO IT TRIXIE

the first time watching this my anxiety was on 1000

Phyllis tying up Trixie’s gown up like they’re suiting up for battle

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AND IM STILL NERVOUS

THE BABY IS STUCK LIKE I WOULDVE FREAKED TF OUT

this is also why I won’t be a nurse or doctor lol, I’m always panicking

BABS PUSH THE BABY BACK UP

AYE GRACIAS DIOS, ALL IS WELL

“Well done Trixie, I couldn’t be more proud of you” 😭💕 me either

Yea I say you earned a cigarette

Better late than never to make amends I guess, but get that clean water going asap no rocky

The Turners are back 👏🏼

THE CAKE TIN 😭😭

& Able and Mathias 😭😭

Aw Tom proposing ☺️ I don’t really feel anything for them as a couple but this was a cute moment 😭

SHELAGH AND PATRICK GIVING TIM’S LEG BRACES TO MATHIAS AH MY HEART

And they got the water 😭

I LIED BEFORE EVERYONE JUMPING UNDER THE WATER PUMP IS THE CUTEST THING😭💕👏🏼✨

“Not all gifts come tied in ribbons, or at a special time of year. Some blessings surprise us arriving unlabeled and we embrace them in a blaze of joy” DAMN IT VANNESSA IM CRYIN THANKS (also now it seems like foreshadow for baby Turner)

Roza as secretary!! My heart again

I bet Trixie took over like a badass while Dr Myra was recovering

THE GOATS HAHA

PHYLLIS TAKING ALL THOSE PHOTO’S AT THE END IS THE GREATEST PART 😭💖 IM SO HAPPY AND MY HEART GROWS LIKE THE GRINCH EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS SHOW

LOL THE NUNS GOT PHOTOBOMBED BY A CHICKEN

AND CUE REDGRAVE

“But though they’d given their labor and their love, they also took and they learned and they went home wiser, enriched in ways they could not count”

The End 😭😭💕💕😰😰

Ugh I don’t care, that special was spectacular and I loved every minute.

#call the midwife #I'm TRASH FOR THIS SHOW #lets get it 1962 #am I still cryin?#yes #I'm still not over it #my commentaries™

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keyofshadows · 8 years ago

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@akingdomtheorist

So! Ridiculous conversation that’s gonna strike me as funny for the next week, probably. Which I could definitely use, but whatever. Thought I’d amuse you with it since your cupcake started it, lol.

keyofshadows Tomorrow's Eli's birthday. Confetti for all.

akingdomtheorist Adion will make him a cupcake

keyofshadows Awe. He'd be touched. And Adion would get a hug. Also one of those pointy birthday hats.

akingdomtheorist What if the cupcake was shaped like a pointy birthday hat

keyofshadows Pfffff he'd demand to know if the dragon was conspiring with his mom. She used to sew him a replica of Yen Sid's hat every few years and make him wear it on his birthday while she took pictures. From his literal 'I'm twenty minutes old' birthday until he was eighteen. IS THIS POINTY BIRTHDAY HAT CAKE A REFERENCE TO HIS HAT NEMESIS

sstingray yen sid knows about the hats

keyofshadows Is he amused or shaking his head because what is wrong with these people

sstingray secretly amused but won't show it is my wager

keyofshadows I wonder how much Eli was complaining under his breath about it during his lovely summer of responsibility training also I wonder how many dirty looks he was giving Yen Sid's hat while the man was wearing it because whoops

sstingray the master probably noticed it and said something to him eventually.

keyofshadows lmao. "It's not you Sir, honest! It's just...uh...nothing, actually, never mind, I'm supposed to be mopping or something, better get back to that." /slinks off because oh my god, explaining to Yen Sid about the Hat when he has no idea he already knows, pfff. Poor Eli.

sstingray not pictured: ray in the background trying really hard not to laugh

keyofshadows Oh sure, enjoy your amusement now, he'll get you back for it. Someday. Somehow. Maybe. She can babysit his eventual demonspawn, that'll do it. ...Which would be more of a punishment to the kids, actually.

sstingray and she'll get just as much fun out of that as she did watching him

keyofshadows Okay, we totally know what we're doing with Auryn when he misbehaves. Off to aunt Ray's for a pop quiz!

sstingray secretly gives him cookies when they're not looking

keyofshadows Ray's gonna end up with a kid that mouths off just to be sent for 'punishment', you know. Though he'll be more of an actual pain in the ass as a teenager. Amelia says don't worry about that, she and Nico will knock him into shape. With his own Keyblade, if necessary.

sstingray but eli she is not a tool to punish your children with! gosh!!

sstingray well if he misbehaves TOO badly he'll still learn not to cross her

keyofshadows The Grasshopper knows this. But really, it's Date Night and he and Specter really wanted to have some quiet movie time that didn't involve Auryn yelling in the background from upstairs. I should probably feel bad for Ray having to deal with the next generation of troublemakers, but nope. Too busy snickering.

sstingray it's fine they'll watch a movie that eli doesn't want him to see

keyofshadows Which would probably be anything with drunk elephants. Dumbo is Evil. So is Bambi, but for completely different reasons.

sstingray well. if auryn is up for it...

keyofshadows This is Eli's punk firstborn, of course he is.

sstingray welp. pink elephants on parade it is!

keyofshadows And Ray then gets to field ALL the questions, like how can elephants get drunk, and why isn't HE even allowed more than a can of soda a day if whatever Dumbo had was worse - wait, was that elephant beer? Or did he drink funny water? And if he drinks too much soda is he gonna see pink elephants too? Is THAT why he's not allowed too much? Can he have a few cans and find out?

sstingray fermentation is a terrible thing, you're too young kid, maybe idk but i saw this video once of elephants eating fermented fruits and getting totally trashed, honestly who even knows anymore, no, no it's because you'll get a sugar high and it's also terrible for your health, and no

keyofshadows He is completely unhappy with all of these answers, he'll have you know. Except the trashed elephant video, he wants to see that. BUT. He's gonna complain to Nico first (who will tell him to Listen To Aunt Ray She Knows More Than Them) and then he'll go home and whine at his dad BECAUSE AUNT RAY IS BEING UNFAIR FIX THIS

keyofshadows Eli just snickering and yeah, no, you have no idea of the meaning of 'unfair' when it comes to her, short stuff, sorry.

sstingray eli's probably like "that's what she does there is nothing i can do"

keyofshadows Nor does he wish to try, he's too old for another Darkside/Twilight Thorn/Who Knows What That Is pop quiz. He has kids now! (He's never too old, lmao. Kai'll boot him over for laughs.)

sstingray in which kai accidentally initiates a game of corridor ping pong with eli as the ball

keyofshadows Pfff. Kai says he thought he was going to get into trouble for booting the Epic Dork through Corridors, or does that only count when he's kicking him into the Maw?

sstingray nnnnno he'll probably be in trouble for it later but aunt ray has a life too you know she can't deal with your antics all the time!! there are seas to be sailed! treasures to be found! magics to learn!

keyofshadows Good, then can she take Soren with, he needs a way to deal with him this week that A - Does not involve setting his sneakers on fire AGAIN and B - Keeps Ro from rescuing him. Little brother gets seasick, little brother won't be warping over to pick him up. ...The maturity is astounding.

sstingray just for that she'll kick kai into the ocean

keyofshadows This is punishment how? He can swim. Also will probably open a Corridor and drop into it before he hits the water because he's a little shit.

sstingray either way he's off her ship so she'll count it as a win

sstingray not if she kicks him into her own portal and drops him right above the water

keyofshadows This is how you make enemies, Ray. (lmao, as if he'd do more than sulk for a few days before showing up again to get cookies/ask a favor/see what she thinks is a good present for Ro's birthday)

sstingray puhlease she'll take kai on pirate adventures someday

keyofshadows Do we really want a Keyblade wielder pretending to be a pirate. Or even just on the ship for longer than thirty seconds. (Yes.)

sstingray um duh?? how fun could that be

keyofshadows Kai's pointing out it should be Keyblade MASTER by that time, get it right. This from Mr. 'There's no way I'd ever be that good' who eventually is because whoops, Auryn's training is filled with fetching the chips Mastery Exams. I didn't know that traumatizing was another word for fun.

sstingray isn't that the epitome of everyone's time with their favorite aunt

keyofshadows There was just a resounding 'YES', so.

sstingray well there you go!

keyofshadows /snicker

keyofshadows The pirate thing is gonna turn into tradition, just like Ray taking on Eli as an apprentice started that ball rolling for him. She should pop on by one of the rabbit holes of Wanderer's Refuge again and see if she can land anywhere near Fen's time again. Be greeted by a slightly older (no more than 18, probably) Az, who happily informs her about how she's 'retraining' Celia's apprentice Seth, much to her dad's horror. Probably much to Ray's too, lol. 'Wait, wasn't he the boy that kept going creeper on you? That you hated? WHAT ARE YOU DOING'

sstingray no no its not a bad thing retraining is good

sstingray show him the light girl you go though lol god forbid ray ever have kids and they get mixed up with eli's family that's just gonna be chaos everywhere

keyofshadows Fen asks Ray to PLEASE not encourage his baby, he doesn't like Seth, he doesn't trust him, how does he know he's not going back to Celia and telling her things AZ IS NOT READY FOR THIS STUFF. OMG

sstingray also how would even feel about ray showing up again Oh welp

keyofshadows SO MUCH CHAOS.

sstingray that's the thing about light fen, sometimes you just gotta trust someone

keyofshadows Also no one minds Ray's random drop-ins, she's the Refs boogieman, after all.

sstingray and maybe put a tracker on them u know whatever works

keyofshadows He refuses to trust Seth, he's a little shit.

sstingray excellent her legend will live on

keyofshadows Az'll threaten her kids with Ray popping out of nowhere, just for the entertainment value.

sstingray I have a feeling her hypothetical family would get on great in the chaos tho lmao az can be like IT HAPPENS. A LOT ACTUALLY. we should probably do something about that

keyofshadows Just like how she's naming her firstborn son Jalen, also for the entertainment value. She can hear the grumping from the original through the rabbit hole, lmfao.

sstingray listen ray never asked to be an accidental time traveler it's weird ok

keyofshadows Also hilarious

sstingray she'll be sure to tell Jalen that when she gets back

keyofshadows The kid's gonna be the bounciest, most cheerful baby ever. /cackle

sstingray Oh how delightful!

keyofshadows Az thinks so~

keyofshadows Fen's twitching now because apparently Az is over her crush on Leo and he'd actually rather she go drool over the grease-covered boy Not From Here as opposed to the direction she's looking in. /facepalm

sstingray he could always come back :v

keyofshadows Imagine Fen trying to convince Leo to distract his daughter from the weirdo she's currently 'retraining'. For her own good, of course, not his nerves. /dies

sstingray leo is like whoa that is none of my business dude. slowly backs away.

keyofshadows Az is just smirking. Ha ha dad. But hey, nice to see you Leo, still eating sandwiches out of that toolbelt of yours? Somebody made rice krispy treats if he wants any.

sstingray great now that he gets to see her again, yes, and y e s where can find them?!

keyofshadows lol. Just opens a Light corridor and hands him a whole plateful.

sstingray !!! did he ever tell her he loves her cause he totally does

keyofshadows OH GOOD WAY TO START OFF THE AWKWARD BLUSHING LEO THANKS

sstingray thumbs up!!

keyofshadows Fen's trying not to applaud. Go away, you, quit trying to influence things. His wife would swat him.

#kingdom hearts au #world refugees #Snapshots #long post #plotting maybe #friends #Eli's descendants are weird #then again so is he so it makes sense #aunt Ray: terrorizing the family through time and space with her pop quizzes #Light help Seth if he ever steps out of line again actually #it'd probably be worse once he's actual family than if he were just Celia's apprentice #also someone needs to stop her from teaching tainted dream magic to people #it's not going to end well one of these days

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