#the bachelor season 25 week 8

[carinalastimosa]

Will the Bachelor Franchise Give Asians Their Flowers?

I was a latecomer to The Bachelor franchise. It was the first year of COVID,  we’d gotten past the lockdown stage but it meant that new scripted content had dried up. So naturally, my husband and I turned to the backlog of Bachelor episodes on streaming services to keep the drama alive and well. That’s how it works, right? Either way, we were hooked and took enjoyment in watching every bloated episode of “starting to fall in love”-isms. 

I think part of our viewing enjoyment was being detached from the real time drama that unfolds between each week of an episode’s release. We could speculate in our own little bubble how serious Greg was about Katie or if Becca regretted not choosing Blake. Reality dating shows have long struggled with addressing social media. Should they focus on what was presented during the show or touch on the narrative created outside of the show on social media? It’s a tricky balancing act. Just ask Vanessa Lachey after the season 4 reunion of Love is Blind. The Bachelor franchise, which includes The Bachelorette; Bachelor in Paradise; The Golden Bachelor; and soon to be The Golden Bachelorette iteration to air this fall, is no exception to this. In fact, The Bachelor franchise first piqued my interest when Season 13 Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay published her article on being the first black person to lead the franchise and the challenges and failed expectations that came with that. This coincided with the surfacing of photos of Season 25 Bachelor contestant Rachel Kirkconnell attending an Antebellum-themed party. At that time, The Bachelor was airing Season 25 with Matt James, their first black man to lead the franchise. I followed these headlines loosely as it made the pop culture news rounds but I still brushed off the show, thinking that it was something not worth investing in, as ultimately, this was a dating show by white people, made for white people. 

Cut to March 2024, and I have now become well versed in the Bachelor universe, having now watched 8 Bachelor seasons and 10 Bachelorette seasons. I have my favorite contestants (Gabby Windey), favorite seasons (Tayshia Adams’s half of The Bachelorette), and honestly look forward to whenever Jesse Palmer pops up to do some hosting. I had found my trashy T.V. , my guilty pleasure, the thing I can turn on to turn off my brain. It was supposed to just be something I could watch and that’s it. But to be a part of Bachelor Nation is more than that. 

Bachelor Nation is known to dig. No matter how beloved or trivial a contestant, they will find something that could move the dial in a devastating way. Some of it hilarious, like Season 28 Bachelor contestant, Daisy Kent, being a part of a music video, featuring the poetic lyrics of “I think I’m better and I don’t give a f*ck now / So you can lick on my sack suck my nuts now / That ain’t no fossil, oh bitch this a bust down / I feel alright ain’t dark like the sundown”. While some are worth discussing like Season 19 Bachelorette contestant Erich Schwer dressing up as Jimi Hendrix in blackface for a Halloween party; which the show ultimately ignored during their finale because Schwer ended up being Gabby Windey’s choice and the show needed their happy ending since co-Bachelorette lead Rachel Recchia’s choice ended up cheating before they could even air the finale. While not ultimately a part of the show, I do view it as supplemental material that either enhances or informs my viewing. Bachelor Nation has done my research for me so that I don’t have to. But there’s only so much I can consume. I’m not one to engage in the comments, whether it’s reading them or writing them. Whatever Bachelor Nation has found, I get nice little summaries of it from my favorite recaps such as The Ringer’s podcast Bachelor Party and YouTube channel Bachelor Fantake. 

The latest season to air this year, Season 28 of The Bachelor starring Joey Graziadei seemed to reignite Bachelor Nation’s love for their leads. Off the heels of the very successful debut of The Golden Bachelor, despite the fallout of Gerry Turner post the show’s airing, Bachelor producers capitalized on the moment and it seemed that everyone fell in love with Graziadei. Heck, I did too! I mean the emotional intelligence and the way he looks at you! With all eyes on the bachelor, it meant that close attention was also paid to the Bachelor contestants. Nothing too disparaging was found, with the exception of the already mentioned Kent music video, but that’s more unfortunately hilarious than damning. Instead, the discourse came well into the season, when fan favorite, Maria Georgas asked Graziadei for a moment to speak to him privately just as the final 3 rose ceremony was about to begin, and when Goergas came back to join the rest of the women, fellow contestant Rachel Nance asked, “What was that about?”. Out of context, this seems like a simple enough question, and even watching the moment play out, there was nothing to clock. In fact, what I found to be slightly irritating was Georgas’s response to Nance, “I’ll tell you one day.” But Bachelor Nation perceived this differently. Immediately attacking Nance, not necessarily for what she did (ask a question), but for who she was (half Black/half Filipino). I don’t gotta say it but this is where I mention that Goergas is a white woman. Call me biased but Nance was my favorite contestant on Season 28 of The Bachelor.  Sure, partly because she’s Filipino, but she also seemed like a really cool, chill, no fuss kind of gal. As down to earth as a person can be considering they decided to be on a reality T.V. show. The kind of woman I want to be. When she made it all the way to hometowns, I was fist pumping over her teaching Graziadei how to greet her parents with mano po and her saying she likes the fattier parts of the lechon. This was exposure to a culture for a viewership that is predominately white. I was thrilled! So it saddened me when the Women Tell All aired with a segment where host Jesse Palmer discusses the racist comments fired at Nance over social media. Hearing her repeat what had been slurred at her reinforced to me that Bachelor Nation still isn’t accepting of a black lead and is not ready for an Asian lead. This show that I love to indulge in, will continue to be ruled by whiteness.

So to my surprise, and most likely disappointment of Bachelor Nation, Jesse Palmer announced the next lead of The Bachelorette, Vietnamese-American Season 28 Bachelor contestant Jenn Tran as the franchise’s first ever Asian-American lead. It’s been made public that Tran was not the first pick (Maria Georgas), nor was she even the second (Daisy Kent). This is also reinforced by the casting of Tran’s men, predominantly virtually white men with just one Asian man. While Tran does not have to date a fellow Asian, it shows how little Bachelor producers have thought this through. Pre-casting under the assumption that surely one of the 2 fan favorites from the top 3 will say, “yes” but then having to pivot to a contestant who placed fifth and focusing on the historic casting of it all to try and gain brownie points worries me.

I must admit, I was also skeptical of Tran’s casting and I felt guilty over that. Shouldn’t I have been thrilled that there was meaningful representation for a show that caters to whiteness? But I was placing unrealistic expectations on Tran that I wouldn’t have any other lead. Watching her Bachelorette announcement segment started out on a high that quickly deflated as Tran failed to meet what my expectations were for Asian representation. In a quick effort to make Jenn relatable, producers went with the “Fun Jenn” angle where she’s just a gal who wants to have a good time and will ask for shots to get the party started. To me, it came off as someone not ready to take on the responsibility of being the first Asian-American to lead this franchise. It’s always tough to be the first in something where barriers need to be broken. You need to be so many things for a marginalized group of people that contains a multitude of perspectives and values. By already dismissing Tran as not my type of Asian, I missed sight on what she was trying to achieve and move forward for the Asian American community. I projected my own baggage of having to prove myself in white spaces. She doesn’t have to be all the things, she just has to be herself, which looking back at that announcement segment, she already was doing. That in of itself is progress. We can also let loose, have a good time, and also still bear the weight and responsibility of what it means to be an Asian-American, a child of immigrant parents, a woman of color, and more all at the same time.

Tran has mentioned in interviews, “I just never saw herself as a main character.” A sentiment that I connect to deeply. Growing up in the 90’s, there wasn’t much Asian representation in the television or movies I watched. And now, as an adult, trying to carve my spot in acting, I’m constantly trying to prove to casting that I’m worth it. That I can be that person you cast as your lead because my voice is worth hearing.

Tran will now do the same as The Bachelorette premieres tonight. Like the many Bachelorette leads before her, her journey of love begins as she meets the men and hands out roses until the final rose that leads to engagement. She’s going to do it her way and America will watch every week, captivated by the choices she’ll make.

Bring on the Jenn-ergy. 🌹

[aboatwithlegs]

An Objectively Correct Rewrite of The Arthur Finale

'Sup nerds and nerdinos, I have a problem with Arthur.

No, not Arthur Koestler (though no one with CBE after their name escapes my wrath on principle alone). I'm talking about Arthur Read, the autistic aardvark who dresses like an 8 year old Mr. Rogers and somehow still has more friends than you.

But my problem isn't with the twerp's fashion sence, it's with Season 25, Episode 4b: All Grown Up, aka Arthur's final episode. The very moment it released in 2022 the ground quaked, the oceans roared, the angels wept as the sky tore asunder and God Themself¹ decended to personsally task me with rewriting it. I said I'd get around to it.

Babies and mentlegen, that day is today because I have nothing better to do.

TW: SA, drugs, death, TERFs, student loans

The Correct Futures

The only thing you need to know about the old version is that they got old, cuz we're scrapping all of it aside from that. The adult versions of each characters was so far removed from the actual futures of these characters that I am personally insulted and have filed with my lawyer to see everyone responsible for it given a restraining order. So we gotta fix that. This episode here is gonna be a feature-length anthology film. Every character gets a 5-10 minute sequence where we see how the next 20 years of their life unfold. I'm gonna put them in alphabetical order because the only one who can tell me what to do is my talking cat. Oh, and remember: Habrá Examen, Langosta Perezosa! ***~~~*** ***~~~***

Alan "Brain" Powers: Goes to MIT and finds that, after being "The Brain" for so many years, he is suddenly just average. It's such a shock to his ego that he begins to instinctively lash out at everything he finds unfamiliar, eventually dropping out and becoming a moderately successful right-wing podcaster and youtuber.

Arthur Read: Our boy grows up to be a perpetual grad student (English major, of course). He pays the rent as a TA and is so terrified of the world outside of academia that he finds comfort spending quiet evenings in, grading papers from the comfort of his dingy bachelor apartment. He lives off instant ramen and spends most of his free time escaping into his books. He sometimes daydreams of getting a "real job", owning a house, and raising a family like his parents did, but dismisses it as too idealistic.

Buster Baxter: Eventually gets Diagnosed with ADHD and an Adderall prescription changes his life. He starts excelling in school and fixates on a dream of becoming an indie film director. At age 14 he is diagnosed with a brain tumor, and a few weeks after his 17th birthday his dying wish is fulfilled when his ashes are sent to space². Every year that passes his friends take a little longer to remember his name.

D.W. Read: Develops symptoms of BPD and a coke addiction. At age 16 she uses a fake I.D. to get a job as a stripper until her cousin Ryder recognises her mid-lap dance. She spends a year in juvie and drops out of high school. She drops by the Read household every few months to ask for money, but the rest of the time no one knows where she is.

Fern & George Walters: Fern and George marry when they are both 18, he takes her last name. She is a stay-at-home mother raising their two young children, writing BDSM-fueled erotic fiction while the kids are at school. George keeps the bills paid with a steady office job as a software engineer and maintains a healthy work-life balance to ensure he's present for his family. They've never left Elwood and wouldn't have it any other way.

Frank Frensky: Frank (still going by "Francine") goes through an extended period of identifying as a butch lesbian before finally coming out as trans-masc. When he finally transitions it involves cutting off his family and moving out of state to start fresh. He plays drums in an underground queercore collective and self-publishes a zine featuring semi-biographical comics about a young boy growing up in Elwood.

Jenna Morgan: Disappears under mysterious circumstances. No one notices for 7 years, which then sparks a city-wide furvor as everyone tries to investigate the disappearance at once. Later found to have not actually gone anywhere.

Muffy Crosswire: Dates Frank ("Francine") for most of high school. Muffy ends the relationship when Frank comes out as trans and gets deep into TERF circles. After graduating Yale and getting her LLM in constitutional law she enters state-level politics as an openly queer Republican. She uses LGBTQ+ and Feminist talking points to advance a far-right cryptofascist agenda and is generally considered to be "one of the good ones" by both parties.

Prunella Deegan: A naturopathic wellness-coach with extensive collections of both healing crystals and cats. Her entire segment is an extended anti-vax rant with hippy aphorisms sprinkled throughout. Enthusiastically voted for Muffy.

Shelley "Binky" Barnes: His mother begins an extended affair with Pickles the Clown, leading the already-distant Mr. Barnes to file for divorce. Binky is left in his mother's care, but she soon finds him too much to handle, especially with how little he seems to respect his new step-father. He is passed around various aunts and uncles for most of his adolescent life and begins to act out at school as a result, earning him a reputation as a troublemaker. When he's sixteen he attends a house party and finds Sue Ellen alone in a room with the dead body of a boy from their class. She frantically explains that he was trying to assault her and hit his head on something after she pushed him off. Binky opts to take the fall for her, stating to police that he punched the boy in jealousy. He is sentenced to 10 years in prison for aggravated assault and 3rd degree murder. Even while in prison he maintains a close friendship - bordering on romance - with Sue Ellen, but he insists that she not wait for him because he wants her to be happy and loved. A week after his release he is arrested for armed robbery. Officers report that the suspect seemed relieved when they arrived, and said something to the effect of "I'm going home".

Sue Ellen Armstrong: Sue Ellen becomes an ardent activist in middle school and is a regular face at demonstrations and community support orgs alike all throughout high school. When she's 16 a boy tries to force himself on her at a house party and she fights him off, accidentally snapping his neck and killing him instantly. Binky perjurs himself in order to take the fall for her. As the years pass, Sue Ellen gets burned out as an activist and instead works as a graphic designer for NPOs. She continues to visit Binky in prison and considers him her one true love, though he insists they can never be because she deserves someone who can be there for her. Sue Ellen never commits to a serious relationship, but does occasionally entertain casual encounters with older, often married, men. Occasionally speedruns Virtual Goose: Unleashed on Twitch.

Third Grade Male Rat #1: Killed in an altercation after sexually assaulting Sue Ellen. Is mourned by no one.

No one.

So yeah, I think that's pretty much it. Make it hand-drawn, black-and-white, and have it on my desk in an hour kthxbi

[webseriesviral]

What to Watch: Hijack, Warrior, The Witcher We are now well into summer, which unfortunately means premieres on the small screen are slowing down. There is still some excellent TV on offer, so it's another week of new shows and returning favorites. Check out what's coming your way. Saturday, 24 8/7c Keyshia Cole: This Is My Story (Lifetime) Lifetime's Voices of a Lifetime series, and the aptly timed feature that celebrates Black Music History Month, focuses on R&B singer Keyshia Cole's life story. She executive produces a piece that she feels honors her journey and her experiences with her late mother. The film follows the early days of Keyshia realizing her dream in Oakland and the steps she took toward stardom until she became the multi-platinum-selling artist that we know today! [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4jp-ypQaB4[/embed] 8/7c Make Me a Match (Hallmark Channel) The Hallmark Channel is airing its' first Indian-American rom-com, and it's so charming as it combines Indian matchmaking with a modern dating app. Eva Bourne and Rushi Kota star in this adorable film where Vivi needs helps saving her dating app, so she meets with an Indian matchmaker, Raina, and meets her son, Boom. Since their views on love differ, what will happen when their worlds collide? [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucNlay8IY80[/embed] Sunday, June 25 8/7c Love at First Lie (Lifetime) The problem with dating bad boys is that they're bad boys! Kate Burns swiped right on handsome dealer Walker Stevenson, and he takes her on a walk. Unbeknownst to her, he's in the business of hustling women, and she's his next victim or the woman who'll finally stop him; we'll have to see! 9/8c The Idol (HBO) It was evident on The Idol Season 1 Episode 1 that Jocelyn was not unaware of her environment, and now it has become clear to her that things have gone too far with Tedros. Joss tries to introduce her new persona to the world while fighting to maintain the upper hand in her relationship with Tedros. Her team grows increasingly concerned with Jocelyn's involvement with Tedros' inner circle. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgUM7YR_crY[/embed] 9/8c The Walking Dead: Dead City (AMC) Maggie and Negan's journey to Manhattan takes a deadly turn when they encounter the Croat's group. As they try to find allies, they realize there's more they don't know about the city and how the survivors live. There's also an excellent Negan scene that may be his best moment to date. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6HObmFJk1w[/embed] 9/8c The Lazarus Project (TNT) So is George going off the rails? Despite all those around him explaining why changing time for personal gain is a horrible idea, George doesn't seem convinced. He wants Sarah back. And the fact that he's thrown in with Lazarus' rogue Rebrov isn't a positive development. Will George pull himself back before he does something that he'll regret? [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVqkZ3g1uz8[/embed] Monday, June 26 Days of Our Lives (Peacock) EJ and Kristen are still missing, meaning Nicole must turn to Eric when she has a pregnancy scare! Eric and Sloan have been talking about having kids of their own, but with Nicole convinced that EJ abandoned her and Eric playing the role of her savior yet again, anything could happen. Meanwhile, Rafe and Jada get it on too -- but will the Salem PD get any closer to finding Abe? And will Stefan and Gbai's upcoming nuptials end in disaster after Megan and Li bring Rolf back to Salem? [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n2jR2Ziki4[/embed] 8/7c The Bachelorette (ABC) It's time for Charity Lawson's quest for love. After her appearance on The Bachelor, Lawson returns to the Bachelor Manor to search for the man of her dreams. Check out the teaser below. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZvH9_JwS2Y[/embed] 9/8c Crime Scene Kitchen (FOX) With a title like "Going Plum Crazy," we can safely assume a plum pudding of some sort is in store for the five remaining classically trained baker teams. Or can we? Yolanda is in charge of the holiday classic challenge, so some red herring clues will undoubtedly be planted in the kitchen. Can the teams keep it together as the temperature gets cranked? ICYMI: check out last week's historic back-to-back safety win by Steph and Cherry! Wednesday, June 28 Secret Invasion (Disney+) In the aftermath of Maria Hill's death, Nick is thrown for a loop as he tries to figure out a plan of attack. But Sonya is closing in, and he's got to answer for the sins of his past before he gets any answers. Will Talos and G'iah get some closure? [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZVTkn2NjS0[/embed] Hijack (Apple TV+) Idris Elba returns to the small screen, and this time he headlines a brand new thriller about a hijacked plane. The idea doesn't sound new, but they find a way to make it fresh. It is a story that'll leave you with many questions, and you can't wait to find answers. We will be seated in the first class charting the course with episodic coverage, so don't forget to check them out. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxwKzsklvJo[/embed] 8/7c Nancy Drew (The CW) Temperance's death curse is still keeping Nancy and Ace apart while everyone tries to figure out how the "black door" relates to the sludgy water. And when the Drew Crew discover a clue in an unexpected place, they call in someone from George's past to help find answers. Scott Wolf directed "The Oracle of the Whispering Remains." [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixNC-ptxadI[/embed] Thursday, June 29 Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (Paramount+) It's time travel time as La'an is whisked into a temporal conundrum, racing around 22nd century … Toronto(!?) trying to prevent an attack with far-reaching repercussions. Joining her is a discombobulated and skeptical alternate, James T Kirk (Hel-lo again, Paul Wesley!), and much of the success of their mission lies in the secret horde of our new favorite Lanthanite. Check out what Wesley and Peck have to say about bringing these proto-versions of Kirk and Spock to Strange New Worlds! .@ethangpeck and @paulwesley share how they bring their own personal touch to two iconic #StarTrek characters pic.twitter.com/9m4zdsg9hy — CBS Studios (@CBSTVStudios) June 22, 2023 The Witcher (Netflix) The adventure continues as Geralt and Yennefer try to keep Ciri safe while honing her powers, as she may be the only hope of saving the Continent from their extra-dimensional enemies. Of course, it's not like they need to look in other dimensions for enemies. Surrounded by intrigue, pursued by multiple armies, and driven by the knowledge of imminent otherworldly peril, they must maneuver politics and dodge plots if they are going to survive. Of course, knowing Cavill is on his last arc as Geralt, there's some foreboding in the air. Season 3 Act 1 drops us into it with five episodes. Act 2 arrives July 27. Friday, June 30 Warrior (Max) Close to three years since Cinemax went out of business, leaving Warrior and other shows in limbo in terms of continuance, Max heard our prayers, and they answered. Warrior returns with the same great story, epic scraping scenes, sex, blood, and intense Western Spaghetti Music. If the trailer is any indication, we will have fun this season. We will be covering the season episodically, so check back here after watching. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89dEEKEzglw[/embed] The Crowded Room (Apple TV+) We have been limited to Danny's point of view for the past five episodes of The Crowded Room Season 1. That is bound to change as another missing piece in the story is revealed. Meet Rya. Mother, daughter, and professor. We learn why she is so invested in Danny's case. Solving this might save them both. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4w1xZA7pX2c[/embed] Edit Delete Paul Dailly is the Associate Editor for TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter. 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[girlsgonemildblog]

There’s No Place like Nemacolin Resort and Spa - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 8 Recap

Image from abc.com

There are only four girls left (Michelle, Serena P., Rachael, and Bri), which means we have officially arrived at Hometowns Week. It somehow feels both like it took forever to get here thanks to the exhausting drama and like we got here way too quickly, thanks to there being 36 contestants and TEN remaining at the beginning of the previous week. Due to that pesky pandemic, traveling across the country (and to Canada) in one week was not an option for Matt, so all the girls’ families had to come to him.

The first girl up was Michelle. When Matt and her meet, they discover that they are wearing matching outfits, once again proving that they are soul mates. Michelle has planned a bike ride for them, and the producers secured adorable bikes with wicker baskets. I cannot ride a bike and therefore I was quite jealous of how romantic a bike-riding date seemed.

Their ride ends at a huge lecture hall (seriously, what DOESN’T Nemacolin have on property?) and on the projection screen is a zoom with Michelle’s elementary school students. I am not too proud to admit that I cried when I saw this. The children do not hold back at all, laying into him with questions like, “Have you kissed?”, “Do you want to have babies?” and “Are you going to give Michelle a rose?”. There was also my personal favorite to ask when meeting a new guy my friend is seeing, “How many girlfriends do you have?” Matt handled the third-degree like a pro, and the kids seemed to give him their stamp of approval.

That night, Matt met the family, and Michelle’s dad had the best voice I have ever heard. While speaking with his daughter alone, he asks if she would say yes if Matt proposes, and Michelle nods without hesitation. Mr. Michelle’s Dad then speaks with Matt privately and asks him if he is in love with Michelle. Matt responds that he is falling for Michelle, but he is not going to tell her he loves her until he is ready. What Dad doesn’t know, though, is that Matt has told other girls (namely Rachael) that he loves them, so this is a bad sign for Michelle.

After meeting the family, Michelle and Matt go outside to talk one-on-one before saying goodbye. Matt mentions that he is willing to move to Minnesota for her, and she tells him that she is falling in love with him. Matt responds with what Michelle described as “a positive smile,” which I guess is a bit better than the “thank you for sharing that with me” that Jessenia got.

The next day Matt has a date with Rachael, who, for some reason, decided skydiving was a good idea. As they’re about to board the plane that they’ll be jumping out of, Matt asks, “what could possibly go wrong?” Call me superstitious, but that is just BEGGING for a parachute not to open.

Nothing that bad happens, but Rachael does take quite a tumble while landing (you can see the slo-mo here), which may have been caused by the fact that her guide was a child.

Picture from Twitter

Matt rushes to her side and has a full existential crisis over thinking she was dead, and Rachael just stares at him like, “Dude. I’m fine.”

Before they even meet the parents, we see her dad expressing his doubts that they could have fallen in love so quickly. Rachael hopes that Matt will ask her dad for his blessing (further evidence that she is not aware that it is not 1950), but it’s probably fortunate Matt didn’t do this since it seems unlikely her dad would’ve given it. When they are saying their goodbyes, Matt tells Rachael he didn’t ask because he doesn’t want to ask everyone’s parents just to check a box (unintentional ricochet shot at former-Bachelor, Colton), but when he is sure, he will call her dad and ask. Rachael is disappointed to learn that the other three girls aren’t being strung along just for content.

The next morning, Matt meets up with Bri to go off-roading in a neon-green Jeep as a callback to their first date when they wiped out on ATVs. At night, Matt meets Bri’s mother and her best friend, who is also named Bri. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to people with the same name as them. Personally, if I meet another Maddie, I immediately hate them. There can only be one.

Bri’s mom also brought Bri’s newborn sister, and Matt was TERRIFIED of the baby. When Bri speaks with her mom alone, they have a beautiful conversation, and her mom tells her that, worst-case scenario, they’ll be mending a broken heart together. Wow. I fucking love moms. I’m emotional just thinking about that line.

As they say goodbye, Bri tells Matt she loves him, and he answers with another version of “thank you for sharing that with me.” It might be curtains for Bri soon.

Serena P. is the final date. Her Canadian heritage is very important to her, so she (read: a team of production assistants) creates a mini-museum to teach Matt about Canada. She was adorably excited. Activities included pointing out her hometown on a map, reviewing flashcards of common Canadian slang, and tasting traditional dishes like poutine and nanaimo bars. The date was so cute that I am currently eating poutine as I write this, in Serena’s honor. They finish with a game of one-on-one hockey.

At night, Matt meets Serena’s family. Her mom is wondering what made Matt pick Serena out of 30+ girls. I know my parents would also be like, “why would you pick her?” if I was ever on this show. When Serena talks to her sister alone, she tells her that she is falling for Matt but not yet “in love” with him. Then her sister does what only a sister can do and calls her on her bullshit. The sister tells Serena that she can tell something is missing because Serena clearly isn’t smitten and says she knows this is due to Serena overthinking. Serena then talks to her mom and breaks down, talking about how her last relationship left her with baggage, and now she overthinks everything. She then says, “I want to be out of my head for like five minutes,” and dear lord did I feel that.

The next day, Matt is left with the feeling that something isn’t right with Serena, so he goes to talk to her before the rose ceremony. They have a conversation, and Serena admits that she just doesn’t feel like Matt is her person. They break up, and she then walks him out, like the queen she is.

Now that there are only three girls left, the rose ceremony is strictly ceremonial. Before it begins, Matt admits to the girls that Serena broke up with him (usually the Bachelor spins it to save face) and says that these roses are important to him, so they better take accepting them seriously. All three girls get a rose, obviously, and Bri starts to question why she got the last one and if it means her relationship is in trouble. I want to say she’s just overthinking it, but I do have to consider that he didn’t say he was in-love back. Unfortunately, we will have to wait two weeks to find out, as next week is the Women Tell All. Lord help us.

[schittfacedpod]

All episodes of Getting Schittfaced in order(ish) by Schitt’s Creek Season: 

Since we recorded the seasons out of order, here is a breakdown of the podcast in order of season. 

Season 1

Episode 16: Nothing's Coming Up Roses: "Our Cup Runneth Over," "The Drip," and "Don't Worry, It's His Sister"

Episode 17: Don’t Invite Us to Games Night: "Bad Parents," "The Cabin," and "Wine and Roses”

Episode 18: The Journey to Friendship: "Turkey Shoot," "Allez-Vous," "Carl's Funeral," and "Honeymoon"

Episode 19: The Word of the Day Is Asshole: "Little Sister," "Surprise Party," and "Town for Sale”

Season 2

Episode 20: Somebody Please Just Love Him Tender: "Finding David' and "Family Dinner"

Episode 21: We Have Lots of Questions: "Jazzagals," "Estate Sale," "Bob's Bagels," and "Moira vs. Town Council"

Episode 22: Let's Put a Pin in It: "The Candidate," "Milk Money," and "Moira's Nudes"

Episode 23: The Start of Something Good: "Ronnie's Party," "The Motel Guest," and "Lawn Signs."

Episode 24: The George Clooney of Canadian Comedy: "Happy Anniversary"

Season 3

Episode 25: The Scenic Barns of Elmdale: "Opening Night," "The Throuple," and "New Car"

Episode 26: Ready to Launch: "Driving Test," "Rooms by the Hour," "Murder Mystery," and "General Store"

Episode 27: Mid-Range Denim: "Motel Review" and "The Affair"

Episode 28: The Most Punchable Face in Schitt's Creek: "Sebastien Raine," "Stop Saying Lice!" and "Friends & Family."

Episode 29: Lightning Strikes: “Grad Night” 

Season 4

Episode 30: A Small Amount of Class: "Dead Guy in Room 4" and "Pregnancy Test"

Episode 31: Schitt's Creek Casual: "Asbestos Fest," "Girls' Night," and "RIP Moira Rose"

Episode 32: Putting It in Writing: "Open Mic" and "The Barbecue"

Episode 33: Schittwood: "The Jazzaguy" and "The Olive Branch"

Episode 34: How Many Cults Can One Town Have?: "Baby Sprinkle" and "The Rollout"

Episode 35: The Circle of Courage: "Singles Week" and "Merry Christmas, Johnny Rose"

Season 5

Episode 36: The Royal We: "The Crowening," "Love Letters," and "The Plant"

Episode 37: A Whole Lotta Love: "The Dress," "Housewarming," and "Rock On!"

Episode 38: The Baseball Day: "A Whisper of Desire," "The Hospies," "The M.V.P.," and "Roadkill"

Episode 39: Full of Surprises: “Meet the Parents”

Episode 40: Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!: "The Roast," "The Hike," and "Life Is a Cabaret"

Episode 1: Prosecco Wishes and Cabaret Dreams: A recap of Seasons 1 through 5

Season 6

Episode 2: Wigs and Wiggles: “Smoke Signals” 

Episode 3: Business on the Top, Party on the Bottom: “The Incident” 

Episode 4: Is There Anything Classier Than a Leather Suit?: “The Job Interview”

Episode 5: The Crows Have Eyes (And Headbands Too): “Maid of Honour”

Episode 6: Loud Eyes, Loud Hearts, Can't Lose: “The Premiere”

Episode 7: You Do You: “The Wingman”

Episode 8: Designated Grapes: "Moira Rosé"

Episode 9: A Bittersweet Fare-whale: “The Presidential Suite” 

Episode 10: Bea Gets Banned: “Rebound” 

Episode 11: Mo Tels Mo Problems: “Sunrise, Sunset”

Episode 12: A Much Needed Escape: “The Bachelor Party” 

Episode 13: Pitch Perfect: “The Pitch” 

Episode 14: Hearts on Fire: "Start Spreading the News“

Episode 15: Always Be My Bébé: “Happy Ending” 

Episode 41: Another Happy Ending: “Best Wishes, Warmest Regards: A Schitt's Creek Farewell” 

Bonus Episodes: 

Episode 12.5: We'll Always Have Schitt's Creek: EW Photoshoot

Episode 22.5: And Then the Roses Come Along: Dear Class of 2020 Schitt’s Creek Reunion with Mariah Carey

[love-bokumono-fics]

Fresh Crops! Week of January 24 - January 30, 2022

This week’s newest fics and chapter updates for Story of Seasons and Harvest Moon on AO3!

Until Apple stops being stupid and killing the app for their users, Explicit fics will be shared on the blog at the Mod’s discretion, and the tag lists may be heavily edited. Follow the link to the story for the Author’s full list of chosen tags and warnings.

Sugar and Spice - by Chibimiie; WIP, 30/?, 61k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M

Fandoms: Animal Parade

Relationships: Chase/Molly the Farmer, Angela/Luke; Characters: Molly | Hikari, Angela the Farmer, Chase, Luke

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, oh god how do you tag fics, mentions of eating disorders, alternating povs, Friends to Lovers, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net

Summary: Wanting to get away from past hurts of the city, sisters Molly and Angela decide to respond to a flyer advertising an abandoned farm on the faraway island of Castanet. Leaving behind their closest friends and brother Kasey, the two take a chance and move to the tiny island hoping for a new chance at life.

Life Renewed - by SisyphusWorker; WIP, 8/?, 21k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M

Fandoms: Harvest Moon: DS, Friends of Mineral Town

Relationship: Keira/Pete | Jack; Characters: Keira | Kirara, Pete | Jack, Witch Princess, Male Farmer | Yuto

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Romance, Awkward Romance, Difficult Decisions, Revenge, Family Issues, Moving On, Closure, Two Endings, Diptych, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net

Summary: A princess of the past and a farmer of the present. Two tales that were once separate had now been permanently intertwined into one, be it out of curse or fate. One desires to discover more of herself. One desires to give meaning to his life. Yet, these two have their hurdles to overcome, personal and shared. As these two cross their paths, what new chapters shall unfold as these two take on a new life together?

worried about you - by 5tucky; Complete, 1/1, 1.4k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Categories: F/M, M/M

Fandom: Pioneers of Olive Town

Relationships: Iori/Original Character (Farmer)

Characters: Iori, Farmer, Male Farmer, Female Farmer

Additional Tags: Reader-Insert, Fluff, Apologies, Worry, small spoiler for after marriage iori heart event, farmers gender is not specified

Summary: you come home after iori has already gone to bed. the next morning, he lets you know his worries while you two sit on the dock.

Now there's three - by SnowyFlare; Complete, 1/1, <1k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: M/M

Fandom: Trio of Towns

Relationship: Male Farmer/Wayne; Characters: Wayne, Male Farmer

Additional Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Family Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Short & Sweet, Forehead Kisses, Unplanned Pregnancy, Healthy Relationships, Mpreg, Drabble, Wayne is a good cook dont tell me otherwise, he gives you speed boost omelets, fave bachelor, Trans Male Character

Summary: Wayne lets his husband know there's going to be a new addition to the family Wayne/Henry Mpreg Trans Wayne! Inspired by the True Love Trio of Towns Mod where instead your spouse is pregnant instead of you.

Barriers - by krose13; WIP, 25/?, 186k

Rating: Mature; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M

Fandoms: Friends of Mineral Town, DS Cute

Relationships: Claire the Farmer/Gray, Ann the Innkeeper | Ran/Cliff; Characters: Claire, Gray, Ann the Innkeeper | Ran, Cliff, Kai, Karen, Popuri, Mary the Librarian, Rick, Basically the whole Mineral Town cast, plus Forget-Me-Not Valley

Additional Tags: Drama & Romance, Complicated Relationships, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Not for the kiddos, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Unplanned Pregnancy, trying to fit a realistic pregnancy in hm time is a challenge but we doin it, POV First Person, Mutual Pining, Drug Use, Dreams and Nightmares, Drowning, I’ll probably have to add more tags as we go along but

Summary: Unlike everyone else in town, Gray wants nothing to do with the new farmer. He can't stand Claire, despite all her attempts to befriend him. But when one small mistake leads to an even bigger problem, he might be seeing a lot more of her than they both had planned.

Let there be magic! - by BalanceofSunandMoon; WIP, 4/?, 10k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Categories: F/M, Multi

Fandom: Animal Parade

Additional Tags: How Do I Tag

Summary: Magic…A word that can be both a boon and a curse. For Adele, she leans either way but she learns. With her cat familiar, Mila, she’s ready to, partially, tackle what the island of Castanet has to offer her. Along with seeing what the inhabitants of its only town, Harmonica Town, has to offer.

It Was Always You - by jugoanne; Complete, 2/2, 1.7k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M

Fandoms: Friends of Mineral Town

Relationship: Karen/Rick; Characters: Karen, Rick

Summary: Rick and Karen have been a packaged deal for as long as anyone can remember, and they were always quick to declare their relationship strictly platonic. Yet they both knew that was never really true. The question was, how many years would it take to admit it? And who would be the first to crack?

[tabloidtoc]

Star, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Page 1: Christina Aguilera at 40 -- she talks about child stardom, learning to love her body, and what she wants her daughter Summer to know

Page 2: Contents, Renee Zellweger, Phoebe Dynevor and James McAvoy at the BAFTAs in London

Page 3: Mariska Hargitay and Law & Order: SVU co-star Ice-T take a selfie during a break from shooting the cop drama in NYC, Heather Graham at the beach in Mexico, stepping into the America's Got Talent studio Sofia Vergara elevated her casual cropped jeans with strappy platform sandals in L.A., Jason Momoa cutting a rug with an unidentified partner ahead of filming a scene for his upcoming fantasy film Slumberland in Toronto

Page 4: Colton Underwood comes out -- saying he's the happiest and healthiest he's ever been, the former Bachelor clarifies his orientation

Page 5: Lena Dunham is no stranger to controversy, so it comes as no surprise that her foray into fashion design has also come under fire as she partnered with a plus-size label to create the capsule collection 11 Honore x Lena Dunham, but the kicky line quickly came under fire as critics are calling it tone-deaf, mediocre and not inclusive at all since its largest size is a 26 and some are even going so far to call Lena a grifter who gained weight in order to make money off the plus-size community but Lena, who underwent a hysterectomy at 31, has pointed to early menopause as the cause of her straight-up gut -- while Lena refuses to be intimidated by bullies, she is listening to the complaints about sizes and is planning to address it

* Once a cautionary tale of the perils of child stardom, at age 40 Macaulay Culkin is a father himself as he and girlfriend Brenda Song welcomed a son, Dakota -- he's finally overcome his demons and Brenda has been a huge influence on his life and helped him get back on the straight and narrow and he's even pursuing acting again, shooting season 10 of American Horror Story; his life has taken such a positive turn

* A year after announcing her split from Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari is seeing the upside of divorce, saying it's made her a better mom in some ways because she has her kids half the time now so when she has them for her week, she is so incredibly present with her kids Camden, Jaxon and Saylor and she is not distracted by her phone or anything else; she is with them -- Jay and Kristin each have the kids 182.5 days a year and court papers also revealed that her ex is allowed two phone calls and two FaceTime or Skype calls a week and vice versa so now every moment is precious and if someone is having a temper tantrum or something, she remains calm because she knows that she is losing them in a few days

Page 6: Gwen Stefani is widely thought to have had some help in the nips and tucks department, and as her wedding to Blake Shelton approaches, he is starting to object to her constant tweaking of her face -- she's always messing with it by getting more fillers and Botox and Blake is afraid of what he'll see at the altar and he's freaking out at Gwen's increasingly extreme beauty routine which is becoming increasingly over-the-top; Gwen can barely move her face to smile at him anymore and it looks weird -- while he frets, he's trying to reassure his wife-to-be because Blake thinks she's beautiful just the way she is

* As an executive producer on the long-running Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay has tasked the writers to come up with more storylines featuring one of her favorite characters: defense attorney Trevor Langan, played by none other than her husband Peter Hermann -- Mariska and Peter originally met and fell in love when Peter guest-starred on the show and she loves to keep that magic alive by bringing him back to play Trevor but the trouble is he is busy with his own gigs as a series regular on Younger and his recurring role on Blue Bloods and Peter loves working with his wife, but he has his own acting career apart from Mariska -- still, he may soon have his day in court because Peter understands how Mariska feels and is trying to work his schedule to allow him some guest spots in the near future

Page 8: Star Shots -- Lenny Kravitz with a guitar flaunted his well-sculpted midsection during a stroll on the beach, Suki Waterhouse with her on-the-go grub on the set in Liverpool

Page 9: Louisa Jacobson and Taissa Farmiga and Denee Benton on the set of The Gilded Age in NYC, Conan O'Brien sipped on a soda at lunch in L.A., Katy Perry in the American Idol bathroom

Page 10: Kate Hudson with mom Goldie Hawn and kids Ryder and Rani, Kate Hudson twirled solo modeling in a pal's swimwear collection, Jude Law's daughter Iris Law who will make her acting debut in Danny Boyle's upcoming Sex Pistols biopic makes a call in London

Page 12: Kelly Osbourne handed out items at a food distribution event as the Islamic Center for Southern California, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the gym, despite a no-social warning a cheeky Nicole Kidman shared a pic from the set of Aaron Sorkin's Being the Ricardos in which she portrays Lucille Ball

Page 13: Anabella Sciorra and Donnie Wahlberg gloved up for a Blue Bloods scene in NYC, Heidi Klum and husband Tom Kaulitz started their morning during a walk on the beach in L.A.

Page 14: Travis Barker showed off his body art stepping off a Hollywood tour bus shirtless after filming a music video, a cheerful Britney Spears gave a fun look into her wardrobe in a pink floral frock, Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin color-coordinated for a walk near the beach in Miami

Page 16: Lamar Odom and Aaron Carter put up their dukes to promote their Celebrity Boxing Match in Philadelphia, Priyanka Chopra Jonas and husband Nick Jonas at the BAFTAs in London, Ellen DeGeneres on the phone during a stroll in her main hood of Montecito

Page 18: Normal or Not? A denim-on-denim clad Jay Leno scratched an itch while filming a project in Los Angeles -- not normal, dressed in a Siggi sweatshirt Katie Holmes picked up some seasonal blooms on Manhattan's Upper East Side -- normal, Kate Beckinsale multitasked during a car ride by applying undereye patches -- not normal

Page 19: Gavin Rossdale appeared to be pleased with his Kitson purchase by doing a little dance after leaving the popular L.A. store -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars wow in statement-making capes -- Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Zoey Deutch

Page 21: Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning

Page 24: Justin Bieber: How Love Saved Me -- the formerly troubled pop singer gives praise for wife Hailey Bieber

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance has already cooled and the pair are giving each other space -- turns out Olivia and Harry don't actually have much in common -- the two jetted to London after wrapping Don't Worry Darling, but they were soon waylaid by their respective responsibilities as Olivia has been spending time with her kids Otis and Daisy while her ex Jason Sudeikis shoots Ted Lasso while Harry, who was spooked by how quickly intense things got, is gearing up for his role in My Policeman -- for now, the two have decided to reassess things when they're back in L.A., which leaves the window open for Jason, whose strategy was to let her and Harry fizzle out, then see where she is at, and it's going according to plan

* Jennifer Lopez calls off her relationship with Alex Rodriguez

* Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are better than ever after overcoming a rough patch, one that had their inner circle convinced they were headed for divorce -- Mike had a serious roving eye that made Carrie anxious and she would treat him like he was Mr. Underwood and tensions between the two were at an all-time high when the pandemic hit, forcing the two into extra one-on-one time, but as it turns out, their new routine is just what they needed because they set boundaries, divided up tasks and put time aside for fun things and they prioritized romance, which has made all the difference -- Carrie and Mike are re-committed to their marriage and they've been through so much so much and neither wants to throw it away

Page 26: Cover Story -- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's model kid -- Shiloh Jolie-Pitt the gorgeous teen is ready for her close up, but Brad and Angie are at odds about Shiloh's new passion -- Shiloh's been experimenting with girlier styles lately, including growing out her hair and she's at the age where she's starting to change things up -- Brad isn't thrilled about Shiloh's modeling dreams and idea of her walking into the lion's den gives him cause for concern -- Angelina began modeling at 16, just one year older than Shiloh and Shiloh knows that's what set her mom on her path to fame and Shiloh is constantly asking Angie about the pros and cons of the modeling world

Page 29: Model Kids -- these celeb offspring also know how to strike a pose -- Hailey Bieber, Sofia Richie, Amelia Hamlin, Lily-Rose Depp, Brooklyn Beckham, Paris Jackson, Kendall Jenner, Corinne Foxx, Ireland Baldwin, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Leni Klum, Patrick Schwarzenegger

Page 30: Prince William and Prince Harry: Behind Closed Doors -- the estranged princes are forced to reckon with their rift as the royal family gathers for Prince Philip's funeral

Page 32: High Anxiety -- it's not so simple for celebs who struggle with panic attacks -- Emma Stone, Stephen Colbert, Amanda Seyfried

Page 33: Hugh Grant, Ryan Reynolds, Ariana Grande

Page 36: Beauty -- nail it -- self-care essentials to score the perfect at-home manicure and pedicure -- Kaley Cuoco

Page 38: Style -- cute cases -- step up your tech, and fashion, game this season with a trendy cellphone cover -- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Corey Feldman embraced wife Courtney Anne Mitchell as the two ventured out for a romantic outing in L.A.

[wokeuptired]

every perfect summer

Finn is steady on her own two feet but Niall is a hurricane, determined to bring to the surface what she’s long buried. If only he weren’t so beautiful at sunset, she might be able to resist. 

written for​ @majorharry ‘s 20k fic celebration 

prompt #29: “stop looking at me like that.”

niall/ofc, 6.2k

Summer in California is hot and sticky, the kind of sticky that makes you feel silly showering, because as soon as you walk outside, you’ll be sweaty all over again. Even with the fan on full blast, Finn’s thighs are sticking to the leather of the couch she took from her mom’s house when she moved out. She’s read the same page a hundred times, over and over again. The heat makes it hard to think. 

The heat makes it hard to breathe.

And mostly, the heat makes it hard to write.

Finn’s about to put the book down when she hears footsteps on the stairs outside. Her apartment complex is a series of buildings each containing a dozen apartments. Finn shares the landing of her staircase with the apartment next door, but it’s the wrong time of day for Cindy and Ralph to be returning home, which means—

“Your new downstairs neighbor is hot,” Jocelyn announces as the apartment door slams shut behind her, the gust of warm air ruffling the pages of Finn’s book. She looks up to roll her eyes.

“You think every guy is hot.”

Jocelyn dumps her shopping on the kitchen table and scoffs. “I do not. Just the hot ones.”

“Aren’t you engaged?” Finn glances down at the big shiny ring on Jocelyn’s finger to emphasize her point. Even though Jocelyn moved out six months ago, when her boyfriend popped the question, sometimes it feels like she never left. Right now is one of those times. “What’s Marcus think about all this looking you do?” 

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.” Jocelyn punctuates her statement with a saucy flip of her hair and begins unloading her bags onto the small kitchen counter. She holds up a carton of ice cream. “Should I bother putting this away, or do you want to dive in right now?” 

Finn holds her hand out for the rocky road. “You know me so well.” 

“You’re welcome.” As Finn digs into the tub of ice cream, Jocelyn begins putting things away in the fridge. “You know,” she says into the veggie drawer, “I’m not kidding about your new neighbor. He’s got this angelic frat boy look to him. Have you met him yet?” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. “Last week. He offered to carry a package upstairs for me. Very polite, and totally not my type.” 

“Exactly.” Jocelyn sits on the couch with another spoon and slides the ice cream out of Finn’s grasp. “As your older sister, it’s my job to advise you on everything. Starting with your interest in men, which is, to be frank, utter shit.” 

Finn opens her mouth to object, but she can’t find fault with Jocelyn’s statement. Her last boyfriend wouldn’t come to any work events with her but insisted she attend all of his art shows. He had an ego the size of the Milky Way to make up for his abysmal lack of talent.

“You need to stop dating those neurotic, artsy types,” Jocelyn continues, “and date a man who can, like, actually kill a spider.”

“I’m perfectly capable of killing my own spiders.” As long as they’re small and not moving, but Finn doesn’t feel the need to share that caveat. 

“So am I,” Jocelyn says. “Do you want wine?” She doesn’t wait for Finn to answer before she gets up and goes straight for the cupboard that holds the long-stem glasses. “Anyway, that’s not my point. You need to stop dating boys who look good on paper and start dating men who are good. In real life.” 

Finn closes her book so that it doesn’t have to listen to this conversation. She accepts the wine glass from Jocelyn’s outstretched hand and swirls around the liquid within. It doesn’t go with the ice cream, but she’s 25 years old, so that doesn’t matter.

Jocelyn scowls at the closed book. “Virginia Woolf again, Finn? Are you ever going to read anything written in this century?”

Finn rolls her eyes. If there’s one thing her sister excels at, it’s being unsatisfied with all aspects of Finn’s life. “Are you here just to criticize me? Or are we watching ‘The Bachelor’?”

Jocelyn grins, spoon still in her mouth. “Oh, we’re watching ‘The Bachelor.’” 

-----

The thing about “The Bachelor,” Finn decides that night as she’s brushing her teeth, is that, for the women involved, the ones competing for the bachelor’s heart, there are no consequences. 

Oh, small consequences, sure. Your decision might make somebody else cry, or your heart might be slightly bruised, but at the end of it all, you’ve got thousands of new Instagram followers and you’re famous in your small town and everybody wants to date you, even though you chose, of your own free will, to engage in the skeptical that is a dating game show. 

But there are no big consequences, no bad consequences. A few months later and the next season’s airing, and everything you did, every dumb thing you said, every kiss you exchanged—it’s all forgotten. 

Maybe that’s the way to go, Finn thinks. 

Maybe next year, she ought to audition. She develops the pitch in her head: 25 year old ghostwriter of bestselling romance novels; lives alone in Los Angeles; has been considering, for an entire year, the adoption of a cat; has never been in love. 

It’s that last part that would sway them, she thinks. The producers would imagine her doe-eyed and innocent, maybe a bit naive. She’d be pitted against the season’s villain, the girl with dark hair (a visual contrast to Finn’s blond bob) who would stop at nothing to win her man. 

“How can she write romance novels when she has never known love?” audiences across America would wonder. 

Perhaps the bachelor himself would even inquire. Finn would smile shyly, bat her impossibly long eyelashes up at him, and say something coy like, “You could tutor me.” 

Jocelyn would love that. She lives for the drama, for what the editors create in post-production. She doesn’t care that it’s fake.

And every week Finn watches and wonders how she can keep selling love in her books when this show proves, without a doubt, that it doesn’t exist.

-----

The new downstairs neighbor works out in the mornings on his patio. Finn hears his music the next morning, drifting in through her open sliding door, around 8:30 AM. It’s not early enough for her to be justifiably annoyed at him, but she’s annoyed nonetheless, because she’s just sat down at her laptop with the intention of writing something today.

Something. Anything. Words on the page, that’s all she needs. 

Instead, she sighs, closing her laptop and crossing the room to the balcony. She slides the door open further, pushes the screen out of the way, and goes outside. When she and Jocelyn first moved in, the balcony was a huge appeal. “Outdoor space!” they’d squealed when they first saw the apartment listed online. But now Finn’s been here for two and a half years, and the balcony is just another space for dust to collect. 

It’s directly over Downstairs Neighbor’s patio. Finn looks down through the wooden slats and tries to catch a glimpse at him. She can hear Jocelyn’s voice in her head: He’s hot, right? I told you he was hot! 

In truth, though, Finn can’t see much through the small gaps between the planks. She can’t tell if he’s lifting weights or doing jumping jacks or playing a very enthusiastic game of cat’s cradle. He’s definitely grunting, though. 

Finn shakes her head, trying not to focus on the noises he’s making, and crosses the balcony. She leans her arms on the railing and looks out over the beauty of Los Angeles. Beauty referring, of course, to the parking lot. Finn can see her car, about thirty feet away, parked beneath an evil tree that drops red berries. It really needs to be washed. 

Maybe she should take it today. Maybe today will be the first day in a month that she’s gotten dressed in pants that have a zipper and a button, and she’ll go to the carwash and—

Feeling something crawling on her arm, Finn looks down, and oh, shit, it’s a spider. Not a little spider, not a daddy long legs, but one of those ones that’s big enough where you can see its body. It looks like one of those spiders a little kid draws around Halloween. 

Oh, shit. Finn lifts her arm, waving it wildly, trying to shake the spider loose before it bites her and turns her into Spider Woman, and that’s when she throws her mug of coffee into the air. 

“Oh, shit,” she says out loud. Time seems to slow as she watches her mug descend, coffee flying everywhere as the cup turns a full 360 degrees before landing with a crack on the concrete below. 

“What the fuck?” It’s Downstairs Neighbor. 

“Oh, shit,” Finn says again. Which, no doubt, Downstairs Neighbor heard. Oh, shit. That one’s in her head, at least.

She hears a grunt as he, she imagines, lowers his weight to the ground, then the snick of his sliding glass door, then the sound of his front door opening, and then, oh, shit, there he is, standing on the ground, looking at her broken coffee cup. 

Oh, shit, Finn thinks again as she drops to her knees, hiding herself from view. 

Apparently unsuccessfully, as not thirty seconds later, she hears, “I can see you, ya know.” 

Finn rises slowly to her feet and looks down. It’s hard not to admit that Jocelyn was right as she looks down at him, messy hair and blue eyes and muscles visible through his sweaty t-shirt. 

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi.” His eyes twinkle, and she knows he’s trying not to laugh at her. “This yours?” 

“Yeah. Sorry I interrupted you.” 

He laughs then, a light, musical sound that she can feel in her toes. Oh, shit. That’s not good. Finn’s characters feel laughter in their toes, but she certainly doesn’t. Feeling someone’s laughter in her toes is not a real thing, she’s always thought, except, apparently, it is.

“What happened?” he asks. 

“There was a spider.”

“A spider.” 

Finn nods, cheeks burning. “It was a big spider.” 

“You gonna come clean it up?” 

Finn nods again. “In a minute.” 

“Okay.” He grins up at her and she blushes back. 

Finn turns around and goes inside, sliding the door shut behind her, and waits, listening for the sounds of Downstairs neighbor reentering his own apartment, shutting the door, locking it. When a minute has passed without any of that, Finn realizes that he must be waiting for her. 

Oh, shit. Finn doesn’t have to be Jocelyn to know that this is not the ideal situation in which one wants to interact with Hot Downstairs Neighbor. But it seems like she doesn’t have a choice, so she slips on the flip flops she keeps by the door and goes downstairs. 

He’s still there, standing in the sunshine, squinting when he smiles. “There you are,” he says. 

“Here I am.” Finn looks down, surveying the damage. The mug has split into several large chunks, and maybe if Finn were better at diy-ing she’d be able to fix it, but as things stand now, it’s destined for the garbage. “Damn, I really liked that mug.” 

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Downstairs Neighbor says, which is such a strange thing to say that Finn startles, turning to stare at him. 

“Thanks?” she says. 

“You’re welcome.” He smiles, holding out his hand. “I’m Niall.” 

Finn accepts the handshake. “I’m Finn.” 

His hand is warm and a bit clammy, a bit like California in the summer, and her stomach goes topsy-turvy. She yanks her hand back. 

“Nice to meet you,” Niall says. “I guess you’re the neighbor who watches ‘The Bachelor’?” 

Jesus Christ, Finn thinks, dropping to a squat. She gathers up the pieces of her destroyed mug and doesn’t answer him. How nosy of him, asking her that. But then, she was the one listening to him work out this morning. 

“My sister likes it,” she says. “I’m just along for the ride.” 

“Hey, there’s no shame in liking ‘The Bachelor,’” Niall says, dropping down beside her. They reach for the last piece at the same time, hands brushing. Finn draws hers back, trying to ignore the tingling in her fingertips. “Here.” 

Finn accepts the final shard. “Thanks,” she says. “And I don’t like ‘The Bachelor.’ I think it’s silly.” 

Niall smiles at her again, all teeth and sunshine. “What’s silly about love?”

Finn blinks at him, trying to decide if he’s an idiot or just bad at small talk. Maybe both. “That show is not about love,” she says. “Have you ever seen it?” 

“No.” He shakes his head. “But I’ve heard it through the ceiling.” 

Jesus Christ, Finn thinks again. What a neighbor. She can’t wait to tell Jocelyn about this, to prove to her that Downstairs Neighbor may be hot, but his positive qualities end there. He’s intrusive and nosy and way, way too good looking.

“You can get back to your workout,” she says, standing up straight. He follows, forcing her to look up to meet his eyes. “Sorry for bothering you.” 

“Not a bother,” he says. “It was nice to meet you, Finn.” 

“Yep,” she says, offering him a half smile before she turns tail and dashes up the stairs, back to her safe, quiet, Downstairs Neighbor-free apartment. Back to her laptop, and the manuscript due in three months that she hasn’t managed to crack yet. Back to being hot and sweaty inside her apartment, instead of outside. 

“Have a good day!” he calls after her. She doesn’t return the greeting. 

-----

The next morning, a knock on the door wakes Finn up from a dream, the kind of dream that you know as soon as you wake was a good one, but it’s too late, you’ve forgotten it, and you won’t be able to get it back. 

“No,” she mutters, turning over in bed, burrowing into the pillow. “I’m sleeping.” But then the knock sounds again. “Damnit.” 

Finn climbs out of bed and reaches for her phone on the nightstand. 8:27 AM on a Wednesday. An acceptable hour for someone to be knocking on the door, she supposes. Except she was up till 1 o’clock trying to make her messy notes into something resembling an outline that could someday (someday soon, she hopes) be a book. 

The morning person disturbing her sleep knocks again, eliminating the possibility that it’s just UPS dropping off a package. Finn drops her phone on the bed and makes her way down the hall to the living room, where sunlight blares in so sharply it makes her squint. 

“Gah,” she says to herself as she pulls open the door. And then, “Oh, it’s you.”

“It’s me,” Hot Downstairs Neighbor—Niall, Finn corrects herself—says. “UPS dropped off this package at my door, but I think it’s yours.” 

Finn looks down at the envelope he’s holding out, but the label is blurry. Oh, shit, her glasses. “If you say so,” she says. “I’d have to grab my glasses to know for sure.” 

Niall smiles at her, she thinks, but the details of his face are a bit blurry. “I can wait,” he says. “We should make sure it’s yours.” 

Finn frowns at him for a second—He can read, can’t he? Shouldn’t he know if it’s her name on the label?—before deciding that it’s too early for an argument. “Fine, whatever,” she says, turning around and leaving him in the doorway. 

That’s where she expects him to stay, but when she returns to the door a minute later with her glasses perched on her nose, he’s inside her apartment, poking around the bookshelves on either side of her television. The package he brought over has been discarded on the coffee table. 

Finn ignores him for a second as she picks it up. Yep, it’s definitely hers. It’s a proof of her latest Isobel novel, if she had to guess. But she’s not going to open it now, not with Niall here. 

Niall, who is currently nosing around her living room, looking much too closely at things she’d rather he not see. 

“What are these?” Niall steps closer to the bookshelf, his eyes scanning the spines. “You read romance novels?”

“Not exactly,” Finn says. Which lie should she tell this time? She has a few prepared: “they’re my sister’s” or “my roommate forgot them when she moved out.” Said roommate is said sister, but for the sake of the lie, that wouldn’t matter. But then the truth slips out. “I write them.”

“You write them?” Niall repeats. He pulls one of the books out, Summer’s Dalliance, about two yoga instructors who find love during a training retreat in the Maldives. “You’re Isobel Soleil?”

Finn can tell from the way Niall says Isobel Soleil that he’s heard of her. Who hasn’t heard of her, these days? Her books are in grocery stores and airport shops and on bestseller lists and there’s a series in development with HBO. 

As a ghostwriter, Finn isn’t involved, but she knows the show will help move sales, which means bigger checks, which means maybe, eventually, she can write something she actually cares about.

“Not exactly.” Finn takes the book out of his hand and returns it to its place on the shelf. It’s not as if she’s proud of it. That’s not why she has it out. It’s just a placeholder until she publishes a book she’s actually proud of. “Isobel Soleil isn’t a person. She’s a brand. Her books are written by half a dozen different people. How do you think she can pump them out so quickly?”

“How quickly?” 

“Three or four a year.”

“And you wrote all of these?” Niall’s finger runs along the spines. “How many are there? Ten?”

“Eight,” Finn corrects. Eight cheesy, embarrassing, don’t-let-your-mother-see-you-reading-that novels. “But they’re formulaic and simplistic. They’re not… they’re not good.”

Niall shrugs. “They’re not high literature, you mean. Someone reads them, though, right? And the people who read them enjoy them. So who cares if they’re not high literature, Finn?” 

Finn swallows the sudden lump in her throat. How has Niall managed to get to the quick of things so, well, quick? “I care, I guess. This isn’t what I imagined I’d be doing when I was little, telling people I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.”

“So write something else,” Niall says. 

Finn sighs. She wishes it were that easy. If only she could break out of the mold she’s put herself in and write something else, something that’s not about two people falling in love. If only she could write something she actually believed in.

But she has a contract and a deadline and an agent and an editor on her back, and no choice but to finish this Isobel Soleil novel. 

“Maybe next summer,” she says. 

Niall considers her, nods. “Speaking of this summer,” he says slowly, like he’s thinking about what he’s going to say as he’s saying it, “I have free tickets to LACMA, and I just moved to town so I don’t know a ton of people. Want to go with me?” 

Say yes or no more ice cream, Jocelyn’s voice says in the back of Finn’s mind. 

“Sure,” she says. “But you know my secret”—she gestures to the bookshelves—“so now you have to tell me one of yours. So I know you’re not a serial killer or something.” 

He smiles at her and, damn, he’s good looking. “I’m a lawyer,” he says. “My new job doesn’t start till August, so I’m working remotely with my old firm until then.” 

“That’s not a secret.” Not a secret at all, but a great career for a hero in a romance novel. Finn makes a mental note. 

“Okay,” Niall says. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, lifting one hand to his chin, a classic thinking pose. “How about this? I’m not from here.” 

Finn shakes her head. She’d already guessed that from his accent, a soft, lilting Irish one that makes everything he says sound like a poem. “Not a secret either. You get one more try.” 

“One more try!” he says with mock shock. “I’ll make this good, then.”

He thinks and Finn waits, and in the thirty seconds it takes him to come up with a good secret, she wonders what the hell she’s doing, flirting with Hot Downstairs Neighbor in her living room while dressed in her pajamas. Oh, shit, she’s not wearing a bra, is she?

Finn crosses her arms over her chest and considers backing out of this conversation entirely by making something up that will put Niall off and convince him that she’s the worst possible LACMA companion. 

But then he says, “I can’t swim,” and that is distracting enough to make her forget everything else. 

“You can’t swim?” she asks. “What the hell are you doing in southern California?” 

Niall shrugs. His smile makes her insides go wonky. “Maybe you can teach me.” Then he holds out his phone. “Here, give me your number. I’ll text you and we can make plans.” 

She obliges, all the while wondering what exactly she’s gotten herself into. 

-----

LACMA day comes much quicker than Finn anticipates. When she and Niall first made the plans a week ago, Saturday seemed like ages away. There was so much she was going to do between now and then: repot all of her plants, make bread from scratch, work on her manuscript. But instead, she putters around her apartment, typing words here and there, ignoring how bad they are, and not baking bread. 

It’s a waste of a week, and not just because Niall is there, in the back of her mind, the whole time. 

Jocelyn’s excited, of course, for LACMA day, and insists on coming over the night before to help Finn select her outfit. Finn keeps reminding her that it’s summer in Los Angeles, so it’s a thousand degrees out and she will melt no matter what she wears, but Jocelyn doesn’t care.

Which is how Finn ends up knocking on Niall’s door on LACMA day dressed in a romper that’s giving her a wedgie, a purse she never carries slung over her shoulder. Jocelyn even forced her to wear lip gloss. 

“Lip gloss makes you a different person,” Jocelyn said last night on her way out. “I left you three options. Please wear one.” 

“I don’t take advice from the Sweet Valley Twins anymore,” Finn had retorted as she shut the door in Jocelyn’s face. 

But she’s wearing the lip gloss anyway. Her hair has already gotten stuck in it three times, and all she’s done is climb down the stairs. 

She knocks again, half hoping Niall hasn’t changed his mind and half hoping that he has. If he has, she can go back upstairs, put her pajamas on again, and continue to stare at her blank Word document. But then he opens the door.

“Good morning!” His smile is so bright it makes her squint. “Coffee?” 

He holds out a travel mug to her, waiting for her to take it. 

“Good morning,” she says after she takes a sip. The coffee is exactly the right temperature and perfectly sweet, which is almost enough to make her smile. “This is good coffee.” 

“It’s from Ecuador,” Niall says. He steps out onto the welcome mat and closes the apartment door behind him. “Hold this for me?” 

Finn holds his travel mug as he locks the door and turns the knob a couple of times to make sure it’s secure. Then he turns around, his smile lighting up his face. 

“Ready?” he asks.

“Ready,” she says, though she’s pretty sure she isn’t.

She learns, over the next few hours, that Niall’s energy is nonstop. He talks constantly during their drive to the museum, talks as they park the car, talks as they ride the elevator to the top floor and begin making their way through the galleries. He tells her where he’s from and where he went to school and what his favorite sports teams are. 

And she finds herself talking too. She tells him about her sister and where she went to school and how she got started writing Isobel Soleil novels, and the entire time, she’s taking mental notes about him, about the way he holds doors for her and grins down at her and laughs even when her jokes are barely funny. 

This is how the heroes in her novels behave. They are handsome and well-meaning and have substantial life goals. They are polite and conscientious and make the heroines feel brave and important and valued. And that’s how Finn finds herself feeling: like if she had something to say, Niall would listen to it. 

After the museum, they stop for lunch at a restaurant Finn found on Yelp as they were leaving the parking structure. It’s small and bright inside, but as Niall pulls out Finn’s chair for her, it occurs to her, for the first time, that this might actually be a date. 

Jocelyn had said as much last night, but Finn had ignored her, as she does with most things Jocelyn says. But now, seated across from Niall, with nowhere to look but at him, reality dawns, and it’s blinding. 

But, she decides, she won’t address it, and she carries on with the meal as if they are recent acquaintances and neighbors, which is, she reminds herself, exactly what they are. 

-----

After LACMA day, Niall texts Finn about the movie he’s watching, and she imagines she can hear it through the floor. Later that evening, he texts her good night, and then, the next day, he texts her good morning. The next weekend, they go to Venice Beach together, and they see a movie in a classic theater downtown the following Tuesday. That night, he comes over for dinner, and they cook together, finding their way around each other in Finn’s small kitchen. 

And all of a sudden, this summer is different, hot and sticky like all the others, but different because this summer has Niall. 

Niall on the couch, bare feet up on the coffee table, listing all the reasons that golf is superior to all other sports. 

Niall in the passenger’s seat of her car, singing along to the radio even when he doesn’t know the words, the sun setting behind him, lighting him up as if it’s saying, “Look, he’s beautiful.”

And he is beautiful. Niall in her thoughts, Niall on the back of her eyelids when she blinks, Niall in her dreams. Niall, beautiful. 

And Niall in her manuscript, try as she might to keep him out. In sticking with the proposal she made to her editor back in the spring, she’s writing about a doctor and an artist who meet when they’re sharing a wall in a duplex summer rental on the coast of Oregon. By midsummer, she’s written thirty thousand words, enough to reassure her editor that she’s still writing, that things are fine, and, upon rereading, she realizes that the doctor has become Niall.

The doctor, so sure of himself, driven and determined and sexier than any other hero she’s ever written. He is confident and has beautiful eyes and magic fingers, and the heroine, the artist, is head over heels in love with him before she’s even thought to like him. 

And the artist. Finn is the artist, the confused, prideful creative soul who doesn’t want love, is afraid of it, just wants to be left alone. But now she has the lawyer, the beautiful, handsome, intelligent, lovely lawyer who makes her want to stop hiding. He makes her want to feel things. He makes her want to reach out for him, to push her fears aside and let her have what she wants. 

July brings that realization and an unseasonal thunderstorm that forces Finn to bring out a bucket and email her landlord about that leak in the roof from December that still hasn’t been fixed. That’s a momentary distraction, at least, from thoughts of Niall, thoughts of Niall that are plaguing her every moment. Awake, asleep, Niall. Always Niall. 

It’s thundering overhead when there’s a knock at her door. She opens it, and there he is, like she’s conjured him.

“I brought wine,” he says, holding out the bottle.

“Come in,” she says. She thinks of how much has changed since she sat on her couch a month ago, drinking wine with Jocelyn. She wishes, for a moment, that she could go back. But then she looks at Niall again. 

And she doesn’t want to look away, like the artist doesn’t want to look away from the doctor. When you find something this perfect, why would you ever look away? Why would you let it go? 

Finn knows from experience, though, that sometimes you don’t get to choose when people leave. Sometimes they leave you, aching and cold and alone. Sometimes it’s not up to you. 

“Come in,” she says again. She grabs two wine glasses from the kitchen and joins Niall in the living room, where they sit on the couch, thighs pressed together, and he picks a movie for them to watch. 

She isn’t paying attention, though, as she downs two glasses of wine and wonders if Niall will kiss her tonight. She’d like him to, she decides, just as much as she doesn’t want him to. It’s like the Schroedinger’s cat of kisses—if they never kiss, she will never know the kiss, but she will also never know what happens after it. She will never know if they go further, if they stop abruptly, if he breaks her heart and leaves her in pieces, smashed on the concrete like her broken coffee mug. 

But she will also never know if it will be beautiful, like the loves of the characters in her novels, characters who risk their hearts when they don’t know what the outcome will be. The difference between Finn and Niall and the artist and the doctor, though, is that Finn can control the artist and the doctor. She can decide their ending, she can choose the words for the last page. 

And maybe, with Niall, she doesn’t want a last page. 

Two hours later, Finn is wine-drunk and sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the couch. Niall is next to her, the table pushed away from them to accommodate his long legs. She leans her head on his shoulder, thinking, in the way only a wine-addled mind will allow, that she’d like to keep this night forever, seal it into a locket and wear it around her neck. 

“Tell me again why you don’t like your books,” Niall says. He has her newest proof in front of him on the table. It’s littered with post-it notes, changes Finn would’ve made to it had she had more time. But it’s too late now, and it will print as is. 

“They’re not good,” Finn says, her go-to explanation. “I can do better.” 

Niall shakes his head. “But they are good. I read Sunshine in Your Mouth, and it’s good. You’re a good writer, Finn.” 

“Oh, no.” Finn ducks, covering her face with her arms. “You read it? I can’t believe you read it.” 

“Yeah, I did.” Niall tugs her arm away from her face. “Stop hiding from me.” 

Oh, if only he knew how apt that statement was, then maybe he wouldn’t say it. Finn puts her arms down and refills her wine glass. She knows she shouldn’t drink any more, but maybe if she does, she’ll stop thinking about how blue Niall’s eyes are and how soft his fingers feel against her arm. 

“Tell me the truth,” Niall says, thumbing the post-its in her proof copy. “Why don’t you like being Isobel Soleil?” 

“Because I’m not her. I’m not like her. I just don’t believe in love,” Finn tries to explain. “It’s like—”

Niall laughs. “Love’s not like the tooth fairy, Finn. You don’t have to have felt it to know it’s real.” 

Finn looks at him, at his soft cheeks and his pink lips and his messy hair. In another life, in another version of this world, maybe she and Niall have known each other forever, since they were kids. And maybe Finn loves Niall. Maybe she always has. Maybe they fit. Maybe it’s the easiest thing this other Finn’s ever felt. 

But the Finn that lives in this world, the one sitting on the floor of her apartment with her knees pulled to her chest and a half-empty wine glass in her hand—this Finn doesn’t feel things easily. Feelings are heavy and feelings hold you back and feelings stick around long after the people who brought them on are gone.

“My parents,” Finn says, “they got divorced when I was five.” 

“Finn, you don’t have to—” 

“It’s fine,” Finn says. The wine is talking now. The wine and the smell of Niall’s shampoo and the plunk plunk plunk of rain hitting the bucket on the kitchen floor. “My dad was sleeping with his secretary. Such a cliche, right? And it took my mom years to leave him. Years. He was sleeping with his secretary while my mom was pregnant with me. She kept thinking he’d stop, that he’d finally realize that he loved her, that he loved his family. She kept waiting, until she couldn’t anymore.” 

Finn feels Niall’s fingers brush against hers where they rest on the rug. “That’s why you don’t believe in love?”

“No.” Finn closes her eyes, her head tilting back against the sofa cushion. “That’s why I don’t let myself feel it.”

“Finn.” 

She doesn’t answer as Niall moves closer. Eyes closed, she can feel him entering her personal space, can feel the heat of his hand as he takes her wine glass, hears the clink of glass on wood as he puts it on the table. Feels his fingers on her cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Finn. Look at me.” 

So she does, opens her eyes and meets his, and it’s too much, it’s all too much, the way he’s looking at her like he can see her feelings, can read them as if they were written across her forehead.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

He smiles. “Like what?” 

“Like you like me.” The words are out before she can stop them, slipping from her lips like a sigh. 

“Finn.” He’s closer now, impossibly close, his hand on her cheek. “Finn, I more than like you.” 

“I—” Finn starts, but she doesn’t know what to say. 

She doesn’t know what this feeling is, the one taking over her chest and spreading to her stomach and traveling up her throat all the way to her eyeballs. It’s a headache and nausea at the same time, plus a sense of doom in her stomach, maybe the unconscious realization that this can’t last forever. 

Because feelings never do. Niall likes her now, likes her a lot, likes her enough to maybe kiss her against her dirty car in the parking lot fifty feet from their building. But that won’t last. He’ll like her for a bit and then he’ll like her less and less until nothing remains but the memory of the fire that used to burn, a bit of leftover smoke drifting skyward. 

And that’s when it will hurt. 

This will hurt, Finn thinks, but she jumps anyway. 

“Then kiss me,” she says. 

So he does, and in his kiss, for as long as it lasts, she lets herself feel everything: lets herself feel the sticky heat of summer and the sticky heat of a love so big it sucks you under, leaves you breathless, makes you hold on tight. 

She slides her hand into his hair and thinks, I will hold on tight. 

When it’s over, Niall pulls back, leans his forehead on hers. He’s breathing heavy when he says, “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.” 

“I want to do it again,” Finn says. She slides her fingers under the collar of his shirt. 

Niall’s hand tightens on her waist. “Is that the wine talking?” 

Finn shakes her head. “No,” she says. “It’s me. And I more than like you, too.” 

Niall grins, bright and beautiful. “Good,” he says. “You’re my perfect summer.” 

He leans in to kiss her again, and Finn decides, in that split second before their lips meet, that even if all she gets with Niall is a summer, it will be beautiful and it will be perfect, the stuff of novels. The stuff of her novels. 

But, something in her gut tells her, Niall will be around for more than a summer.

He does live right downstairs, after all.

[quaculaarchive]

the

Sims is a series of life simulation video games developed by Maxis and published by Electronic Arts. The franchise has sold nearly 200 million copies worldwide, and it is one of the best-selling video game series of all time.[1]The games in the Sims series are largely sandbox games, in that they lack any defined goals (except for some later expansion packs and console versions which introduced this gameplay style). The player creates virtual people called "Sims," places them in houses, and helps direct their moods and satisfy their desires. Players can either place their Sims in pre-constructed homes or build them themselves. Each successive expansion pack and game in the series augmented what the player could do with their Sims.The Sims series is part of the larger Sim series, started by SimCity in 1989. Game designer Will Wright was inspired to create a "virtual doll house" after losing his home during the Oakland firestorm of 1991 and subsequently rebuilding his life.[2][3] Replacing his home and his other possessions made him think about adapting that life experience into a game. When Wright initially took his ideas to the Maxis board of directors, they were skeptical and gave little support or financing for the game. The directors at Electronic Arts, which bought Maxis in 1997, were more receptive—SimCity had been a great success for them, and they foresaw the possibility of building a strong Sim franchise.[2]Wright has stated that The Sims was actually meant as a satire of U.S. consumer culture.[4] Wright took ideas from the 1977 architecture and urban design book A Pattern Language, American psychologist Abraham Maslow's 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation and his hierarchy of needs, and Charles Hampden-Turner's Maps of the Mind to develop a model for the game's artificial intelligence.[2] The Sims was the first game in the series. Developed by Maxis and published by Electronic Arts, it was released for Microsoft Windows on February 4, 2000.[5] The game used dimetric projection and featured open-ended simulation of the daily activities of one or more virtual persons ("Sims") in a suburban area near SimCity. Seven expansion packs and two deluxe editions with exclusive content were released. It was repackaged in several different formats, and different versions of it were released on several different platforms. By March 22, 2002, The Sims had sold more than 6.3 million copies worldwide, surpassing Myst[6] as the best-selling PC game in history at the time. The original game, all seven expansion packs, and the two deluxe edition content packs constitute the first generation of the PC. Maxis developed all PC releases. By February 2005, the game had shipped 16 million copies worldwide.[7]

Livin' Large

House Party

Hot Date

Vacation

Unleashed

Superstar

Makin' Magic

The Sims 2 (2004)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 2

Electronic Arts released The Sims 2 on September 14, 2004. The sequel, developed by Maxis, takes place in a full 3D environment as opposed to the dimetric projection of the original game. Sims age through seven life stages, from infancy to old age and subsequent death. Another major feature is the aspiration system. Each Sim exhibits wants and fears according to its aspiration and personality. Consequently, the level of the aspiration meter determines the effectiveness of a Sim at completing tasks. The fulfillment of wants provides aspiration points, which can be used to purchase aspiration rewards. The game also features clear days of the week, with weekends when children can stay home from school and vacation days when adults can take time off work.

The Sims 2 is set some 25 years after the original game. For instance, the Goth family has aged significantly with Bella Goth mysteriously vanishing ("dying") at some point in the 25 years. Because the entire game has progressed from 2D sprites to 3D models, all content in The Sims 2 had to be created from the ground up. Due to this, The Sims 2 was not made backward-compatible with any content from the first generation of the main series. However, some objects and features from the original series were remade for the sequel.

Electronic Arts released eight expansion packs and nine stuff packs for The Sims 2. Over 400 items were also released for the game via The Sims 2 Store. Also, items, including pre-order items, were released over the life cycle of this generation.

The Sims 2 had received eight expansion packs:

University

Nightlife

Open for Business

Pets

Seasons

Bon Voyage

FreeTime

Apartment Life

The Sims 3 (2009)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 3

Electronic Arts released The Sims 3 on June 2, 2009.[8] The sequel was announced by EA in November 2006. The game is set 25 years before the original game and features an open, seamless neighborhood, improved Sim creation tools, enhanced build and buy mode functions, and the introduction of wishes and goals. The game introduced a new form of directed gameplay through small, step-wise goals presented as opportunities for the player to pursue or refuse. The Sims 3 sold 1.4 million copies in the first week, making it the largest release in PC gaming history at the time.[9]

The Sims 3 is set 25 years before the Sims 1. For example, the Goth family is much younger, and Bella Goth, an adult in the first game, is a child and is named Bella Bachelor.

Eleven expansion packs and nine stuff packs were released for the third generation of the series. Also, many items are available online for additional fees at The Sims 3 Store.

The Sims 3 had received eleven expansion packs:

World Adventures

Ambitions

Late Night

Generations

Pets

Showtime

Supernatural

Seasons

University Life

Island Paradise

Into the Future

The Sims 4 (2014)[edit]

Main article: The Sims 4

Electronic Arts announced The Sims 4 on May 6, 2013.[10] The announcement stated that the game was in development by Maxis. The Sims 4 takes place in an alternative setting/timeline from the game's previous installment. Later in 2014, further details on features and gameplay were announced. The release date of September 2, 2014, was announced at E3 2014.

As of November 2020, ten expansion packs, nine game packs and seventeen stuff packs have been released, and updates have added content that was previously absent due to time constraints, such as basements, ghosts, pools, modular stairs, toddlers, new careers, terrain tools and additional skintones.

The Sims 4 has received ten expansion packs so far:

Get to Work

Get Together

City Living

Cats & Dogs

Seasons

Get Famous

Island Living

Discover University

Eco Lifestyle

Snowy Escape

Spin-offs[edit]

The Sims Online[edit]

Main article: The Sims Online

In December 2002, Electronic Arts released the Maxis-developed The Sims Online, later named EA Land. It recreates The Sims as a massively multiplayer online game, where human players can interact with each other. The spin-off did not achieve the same level of success as the original. Reviews for The Sims Online were lackluster; many likening its experience to an enormous chat room. On August 1, 2008, EA Land was shut down.

The Sims Stories[edit]

Main articles: The Sims Life Stories, The Sims Pet Stories, and The Sims Castaway Stories

The Sims Stories is a series of video games from The Sims series released in 2007–2008 based on a modified version of The Sims 2 engine. The modified game engine is optimized for play on systems with weaker specifications, such as laptops. As such, its system requirements are lower than that of The Sims 2, but it can still be played on desktops.[11] The series is introduced mainly for three segments of the market: those who wish to play The Sims 2 on their laptops (which usually have lower specifications); those who wish to engage in other activities such as instant messaging while playing the game, and; those who are new to the franchise. In addition to a Free Play mode with classic, open-ended gameplay, the games contain a structured, linear Story mode where players are required to complete a series of goals to progress in the storyline. While Life Stories and Pet Stories each contain two separate stories, Castaway Stories contains one story that is double the length of any one story in the first two games. As an introductory series, major features are removed or modified from those in The Sims 2. For example, fears are completely removed in all three games, and the elder life stage is completely removed in Pet Stories. Officially, the save files from this series are not compatible with the main The Sims 2 games. However, players have experienced success in adapting some files.

Three games have been released to date.[12]

The Sims Carnival[edit]

Main article: The Sims Carnival

The Sims Carnival was a casual game brand of The Sims. It had two separate product lines. First, it was an online community of crowd-sourced web games. Second, it was a line of packaged game titles sold via retail stores and digital download.

The Sims Medieval[edit]

Main article: The Sims Medieval

The Sims Medieval is an action role-playing spin-off game released in 2011. It is set in medieval times, and although it is based on The Sims 3 engine, it plays very differently. The Sims Medieval has one expansion pack, Pirates and Nobles.

The Sims Social[edit]

Main article: The Sims Social

Launched in August 2011, The Sims Social was a Flash-based game developed by Playfish for Facebook. EA announced the game was upgraded from Beta to Live status in a press release issued on August 23, 2011.[13] Due to players' negative responses, the game has been shut down and was removed from Facebook on June 14, 2013.

Console and handheld versions[edit]

The Sims era[edit]

Main articles: The Sims (video game), The Sims Bustin' Out, and The Urbz: Sims in the City

The Sims is the first console release that shares the same name as the base game in the first generation of the main series.

The Sims Bustin' Out is the second title in The Sims console series. Bustin' Out was released for the PlayStation 2, Xbox, Nintendo GameCube, Game Boy Advance, and N-Gage in the fourth quarter of 2003. Sims can get out of the house to visit other locations such as Shiny Things Lab or Casa Caliente. There are two modes. Bust Out Mode, which has mission-based gameplay, and Freeplay Mode is open-ended gameplay very much like the original The Sims PC game. The second Sims game was not on the PC; it was a follow up to The Sims, which was very similar to Bustin' Out, except the aims were shifted to getting job promotions and constantly fulfilling goals to get ahead in the game. The PlayStation 2 version also features the option to play online, though EA no longer supports it.

The Urbz: Sims in the City is a game focused on Sims living in an urban setting, presumably within Sim City. The player must earn a reputation and complete tasks for characters. It was released for Xbox, PlayStation 2, Nintendo DS, Nintendo GameCube, and Game Boy Advance. It features Black Eyed Peas as NPCs.

The Sims 2[edit]

Main articles: The Sims 2, The Sims 2: Pets, The Sims 2: Castaway, and The Sims 2: Apartment Pets

The Sims 2, The Sims 2: Pets, and The Sims 2: Castaway have been released for various platforms including the Wii, PlayStation 2, PSP, Xbox, and Nintendo DS systems. The Sims 2: Apartment Pets, considered a sequel to The Sims 2: Pets by Electronic Arts, was only released for the Nintendo DS.

In addition, EA has released several The Sims titles for the iPod Nano (3rd and 4th generation), the iPod Classic, and the iPod (5th generation). Some of these titles include: The Sims Bowling,[14] The Sims DJ,[15] and The Sims Pool.[16]

MySims[edit]

Main articles: MySims, MySims Kingdom, MySims Party, MySims Racing, MySims Agents, and MySims SkyHeroes

MySims is series of console games created by EA for the Wii and Nintendo DS (with SkyHeroes being the exception). They feature Chibi-like characters (a tiny bit smaller and similar to the Wii's Mii avatars). The first game in the series was released in September 2007. It is also known for being the first Sim game released in Japan. MySims SkyHeroes, the newest addition to the MySims line of games, was released in September 2010.

The Sims 3[edit]

Main articles: The Sims 3, The Sims 3: World Adventures, The Sims 3: Ambitions, and The Sims 3: Pets

The Sims 3, The Sims 3: World Adventures, and The Sims 3: Ambitions were released for the iPhone/iPod Touch. In addition, The Sims 3 was also released for Android mobile systems and the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo DS in October 2010, and the Wii in November 2010, and the Nintendo 3DS on March 25, 2011 in Europe. The 3DS version of the game was launched with the console. The Sims 3: Pets was released for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo 3DS.

The Sims 4[edit]

Main article: The Sims 4

Versions of the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One consoles were released on November 17, 2017.

The Sims FreePlay[edit]

Main article: The Sims FreePlay

The Sims FreePlay is the first free-to-play version of The Sims for iOS and Android, was released worldwide on December 15, 2011 for iOS devices, and on February 15, 2012 for Android. The game made it to Kindle Fire on October 2012, to BlackBerry 10 on July 31, 2013 and Windows Phone 8 on September 2013. Unlike other Sims games, The Sims FreePlay runs in real-time and takes real-time to complete actions. Players can progress through 55 levels and unlock new content, create up to 34 Sims, build town map buildings, complete goals to earn Lifestyle Points, Simoleons, Social Points, and XP (Experience Points). All of these (except for Social Points) can be obtained by baking, planting, going to school (Only for preteen and teens), or working. To get Social Points, you will need to go to neighboring houses or add your Facebook friends.

The game is updated with new content and has events and competitions, announced on the official Facebook page. Several updates for the game have been released.

The Sims Mobile[edit]

Main article: The Sims Mobile

The Sims Mobile is the second free-to-play version of The Sims for Android and iOS, The Sims Mobile was announced on May 9, 2017, in a launch trailer with a soft launch for Brazil, and was released worldwide on March 6, 2018. It features multiplayer and story-mode elements in an attempt to offer a playing experience akin to the main Sims installments.

[victoriareyloficlists]

4 February 2021 Additions to Reylo Holidays

These fics have been added to the Holiday list located here.

Christmas

Fight, Flight, or F____ by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets a dildo advent calendar for office secret santa. Ben is absolutely panicking, his chance with the cute girl is absolutely toast. Poe would be mad that Ben took the wrong wrapped gift from the counter this morning but he can always buy Finn a new one and this is hilarious.) The Sweater Curse in Reverse by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben are roommates. He stresses a bit when Rey starts acting strange, she gives him intense looks while she's crocheting at night and gives him lingering hugs when she comes home to dinner made. Ben fears the worst but soon finds out his roommate is up to something.) Sugar On My Tongue by allstoriesintheend (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: AU where Rey is a florist in a small town and Ben owns a bakery in the same town. They always work together for special occasions, especially weddings. Everyone in town knows they’re in love but them.) Home for the Holidays by LarirenShadow (AO3 2016  Rated T Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren, in a moment of weakness, tells his mother he'll be home for Christmas and will bring his girlfriend. Problem is he doesn't have one. Enter Rey, his grad assistant. He makes a deal with her so she'll be his girlfriend for the trip home.) Brand New Bag by DhampirsDrinkEspresso (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey doesn't get along with her co-worker Ben...a co-worker who is almost Rey's ideal man and also happens to be the son of her matchmaking boss. When Rey needs help with a children's Christmas party, Ben is sent to save the day-whether he and Rey like it or not.) christmas in the city. by pyroallerdyce (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben meets Rey in a grocery store, offers to give her a ride home, and they discover they live on the same floor in the same building. They find out they have other things in common too, and maybe there is a future between the two of them.) A Reylo Christmas by Biekewieke (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 8 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: So when Leia Organa asks her Personal Assistant Rey to join her on a family vacation in Mon Torri for the holidays and highlights a big bonus, what is she to do? Only catch... Leia's son is coming along... Ben Solo is the enfant terrible of the family. Broody, sullen and with a huge chip on his shoulder, the young man is notoriously difficult.) Let's Meet Under the Mistletoe by GreyForceUser (ReyandKyloforever) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Johnson and Ben Solo do not get along. Their first meeting was less than impressive. A change in circumstances forces Rey and Ben to work together to stage a huge black-tie Christmas party in a ridiculously short period of time. Only time will tell if they can stand each other long enough to pull it off or if the whole thing will crash and burn.) Silent Night by avidvampirehunter (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo, one of the higher-ups at First Order Insurance, has spent roughly one year dreading the inevitable—falling for Rey Kenobi, one of his most mysterious and alluring employees. Little does he know that Rey herself has been fighting the same temptations, nor that she may be losing the will to even try. When he ends up drawing her name for the annual Secret Santa gift exchange, the merciless hand of fate pushes them together through the storm raging outside—and in their hearts.) Merry (Fuzzy) and Bright by JaneNightwork (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, 25 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: One night Ben finds a dog abandoned on his doorstep. She's cold, scared, and pregnant. Ben takes her to a nearby vet clinic and meets the beautiful veterinarian Rey, who promises to help him be the best caregiver the dog and her puppies could ask for. Throughout the holiday season Ben and Rey fall in love with the puppies and, of course, each other.) daylight by sparklylulz (sparklyulz) (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Coffee shop employee Rey has a run in with one of the difficult professors. Thus starts a very turbulent friendship until Ben needs a fake date to go with him to see his parents, the first time he's seen his parents in a while.) The Trail Bride by SecretReyloTrash (BadOldWest) (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 47 Chapters, Historical AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Niima finds herself in a perilous situation when her husband dies at the start of their journey West. From the few bachelors on the trail in her party; she attaches herself to the best of her options. That option is the mysterious Banker Ben Solo.) Something About November Chapter 18 by SpaceWaffleHouseTM (AO3 2019  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Ben's adopted daughter finds a box of love letters he wrote and never sent, she decides she wants him happy for Christmas. With help from her Aunt Gwen, she sends her the letters.) The Fake Boyfriend Problem by INTPSlytherin_reylove97 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rose accidently tells her parents her roommate Rey was bringing her boyfriend for Christmas, instead of telling them she was bringing her own boyfriend Finn, the girls run into an interesting problem.) How to Keep Christmas by JaneNightwork (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 26 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben have had feelings for each other since she began teaching at Chandrila Elementary School earlier that year, but neither knows their affection is mutual. Rey plans to use the the Christmas season––her favorite time of year––as an excuse to spend more time with Ben, and to find a way to tell him how she feels. But can she convince the Grinch-ish Ben to enjoy Christmas with her? Equally important: will her friends Finn, Poe, and Rose be able to stop themselves from matchmaking and meddling and general mischief?) Twas the night before Sithmas... by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is alone...and he likes it that way. What more does he need on Christmas eve? He has his whiskey and his bitterness to keep him warm. But Christmas magic can do wonderful things, and a visit from a mystical being throws Ben into a world very different from the one he knew. A world were he is married to the love of his life, he is close to his family and a little boy with dark eyes calls him Daddy. But is it all a dream? Or will Ben really get everything he has ever wanted this Christmas?) Blame it on the Mistletoe by deedreamer, HopelesslyReylo (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Wilson doesn’t necessarily hate Christmas, it’s just that she’s never really enjoyed it. It’s too over the top, too full of the same repetitive music and consumerism. That’s not to say she doesn’t enjoy some things about the holiday... So when her new boss —and secret crush— Ben Solo catches her singing in her office, she lies to avoid looking like a grinch. Now she’s agreed to spend the holiday with him and his over-the-top Christmas fanatic family.) Crash my Bandicoot by KyloTrashForever (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has lived next door to Rey for ten years now, and he’s been in love with her for most of them. A Christmas break with no one but themselves for company leaves a lot of time for Crash Bandicoot sessions... among other things.) Valentine’s Day

Love's Mystery by Hartmannclan (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, 14 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo only needs one lady in his life; his daughter, Hope. So he is surprised to find himself intrigued by the masked woman who just spilled a drink down the front of his costume. Maybe this year the company Valentine's day dance won't be so boring after all? And what happens when he has to leave suddenly.....) No Chance, No Way by AttackoftheDarkCurses (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Just as Rey's decided to give up on love, she gets partnered to co-write Valentine's themed articles with the office grump, who... maybe isn't such a grump.) Valentine's Day by PropertyOfThaJoker (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The cat immediately came to Rey, who immediately held it. “He can’t be more than five weeks old, Ben. He’s a baby. It’s cold out here – he’ll freeze to death. We have to take him home.”) How Much Can Kylo Ren Endure This Christmas by reylology (AO3 2017  Rated M Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: As the CEO of the number one commercial enterprise in New York City, Kylo Ren would think that bringing home a girl for his parents to meet should be the least of his concerns. But when a phone call with his mother takes an absurd, aggravating turn, he finds himself shoved headfirst into a lie. Desperate to prove his parents wrong, Kylo would do anything in order to see the shocked looks on their faces. Even if it means seeking help from the random girl that had just walked into his office for a job interview.) The Best Medicine by Cecilia1204 (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Being stuck in hospital for Christmas was enough to make Ben Solo feel really down in the dumps. That is, until he meets two angels in the form of Rey and her amazing cat.) Halloween

Closet Encounters Of The Thirsty Kind by ReyloBrit (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey dislikes Ben. Ben dislikes Rey. Funny, then, that people keep thinking they've come to this party together, and unfortunate that when cops raid the party, there's only one place to hide. And it's such a cramped and confined place too.) Anything to Win by Erulisse17 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey hates losing. She hates losing almost more than she loves winning. Which is why she's in the ridiculous position of asking Kylo Ren, the very person who keeps beating her at the singles costume contest, to team up with her to dominate the couples contest and trounce Phasma and Hux once and for all. Working with Kylo is a necessary evil, but really, she'd do anything to win. Anything! Unless... it's falling in love.) Thanksgiving

Trouble for Thanksgiving by Biekewieke (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 40 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Kenobi's temporary work visa is about to expire. She needs her boss' signature on her renewal application to get the extension she desperately wants and needs. Only her boss, the infamous Ben Solo, is an asshole. He's notoriously difficult and she knows this firsthand. Nevertheless, she needs his signature on those papers if she wants to avoid being deported by the end of the year... So when Rey tells her about her looming deportation, he finds a way to bend the situation to suit his own needs. Except, for the first time in his adult life, things don't go exactly as planned when he takes her home for the holidays...) I Wanna Hold Your Hand by SageMcMae (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: To escape Thanksgiving dinner with his mother, author Ben Solo travels to Verona, and hides away in his publisher’s villa. While wandering the city, he discovers Casa di Giulietta and the statue contained within. Some believe touching her will bring you luck in love. Others believe that when her soulmate touches her, she will come to life. Ben doesn’t believe in any of it. Until an accidental brush of his hand results in an empty statue podium and him catching a very confused, very irritated woman in his arms.)

[phroyd]

Rest In Peace, Alex! - Phroyd

Alex Trebek, who became known to generations of television viewers as the quintessential quizmaster, bringing an air of bookish politesse to the garish coli­seum of game shows as the longtime host of “Jeopardy!,” died Nov. 8 at 80.

The official “Jeopardy!” Twitter account announced the death without further details.

Mr. Trebek had suffered a series of health reversals in recent years, including two heart attacks and brain surgery, and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2019. He continued to host new episodes of his show until production was suspended in March because of the coronavirus pandemic, and then filmed socially distanced episodes that began airing Sept. 14.

For more than three decades, Mr. Trebek was a daily presence in millions of households, earning near-rabid loyalty for the intellectual challenge of his show, in which questions were presented as answers and answers were delivered in the form of questions. By the time of his death, “Jeopardy!” was one of the most popular and longest-lasting programs of its kind in TV history.

Mr. Trebek, the self-made son of a hotel chef, had no sequined co-presenter to match Vanna White on host Pat Sajak’s “Wheel of Fortune.” His show neither attracted nor allowed histrionics, no galloping, shrieking contestants such as those summoned to “Come on down!” on “The Price Is Right” with Bob Barker. Even the “Jeopardy!” theme song, one of the most recognizable jingles on television, was restrained in its dainty dings.

There was no “hot seat” like the chair for contestants on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” with Regis Philbin — a show that “Jeopardy!” purists disdained for its elementary subject matter and inflated prize money.

On “Jeopardy!” there were only questions and answers — or rather, answers and then questions — leavened by the briefest of banter before Mr. Trebek directed his three contestants back to business.

He became known, a reporter for the New Republic magazine once observed, for his “crisp enunciation, acrobatic inflections [and] hammy dignity” as he primly — and with precise pronunciation — relayed clues in categories such as “European Cuisine,” “U.S. Geography,” “Ballet and Opera,” “Potent Potables” and “Potpourri.”

“The folding type of this cooling device became accepted in China during the Ming dynasty,” Mr. Trebek might declaim, as competitors raced to buzz in with the reply, “What is a fan?”

“Jeopardy!” was the creation of singer and talk-show host Merv Griffin, whose TV empire also included “Wheel of Fortune” and “Dance Fever.” His wife, Julann Griffin, proposed the show’s conceit. If players provided questions instead of answers, she said, then “Jeopardy!” would be safe from the high-profile cheating scandals that plagued TV quiz shows in the 1950s.

The Griffin brainchild aired on NBC from 1964 to 1975, then returned as “The All New Jeopardy!” from 1978 to 1979, both times with the stately actor Art Fleming as host. Mr. Trebek took over when the show was revived in syndication in 1984, also serving during his first several seasons as producer.

Much like his program, Mr. Trebek indulged in few frills. He favored conservative suits. When he shaved his signature mustache in 2001 — “on a whim,” he said — his viewership erupted in titillation.

The most exuberant flourish about the show might have been the exclamation mark in the title. Mr. Trebek, for his part, emitted few if any exclamations as he led contestants through the first round of clues; then a second, higher-stakes round dubbed “Double Jeopardy!”; and then “Final Jeopardy!,” in which players could wager all or some of their earnings on a single stumper.

“My job,” he told the Associated Press in 2012, “is to provide the atmosphere and assistance to the contestants to get them to perform at their very best. And if I’m successful doing that, I will be perceived as a nice guy and the audience will think of me as being a bit of a star. But not if I try to steal the limelight! The stars of ‘Jeopardy!’ are the material and the contestants.”

(Perhaps the show’s greatest stars were Ken Jennings, who reigned over the grid for 74 shows in 2004, claiming $2.5 million in winnings, and Watson, the IBM computer that defeated Jennings and another champion, Brad Rutter, in 2011.)

Fans who attended tapings of the show received a rare insight into Mr. Trebek’s dry humor when he held forth with them during commercial breaks, cutting up about how he didn’t “like spending time with stupid people,” which resulted in his having “very few friends.” He often regaled the crowd with tales of his DIY home-improvement projects.

He said his breakfast consisted of a Snickers and Diet Pepsi, or a Milky Way and Diet Coke. And he was not always as staid as he might have seemed, once tearing his Achilles’ tendon when he chased a burglar from his hotel room in 2011.

But to most “Jeopardy!” viewers, Mr. Trebek was akin to a neighbor they saw every day without becoming intimately acquainted. In a tribute to Mr. Trebek after his cancer diagnosis was announced, Jennings affectionately described him as “a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a Perry Ellis suit.” One of the few clues to his past was his slight Canadian accent.

George Alexander Trebek was born in Sudbury, Ontario, on July 22, 1940. His father was a Ukrainian immigrant, and his mother was French Canadian. In a memoir published in July, “The Answer Is . . . Reflections on My Life,” Mr. Trebek described a childhood marked by poverty and illness, including a painful form of rheumatism that he developed after falling into a frozen lake at age 7.

Mr. Trebek said that he considered becoming a priest but did not enjoy his experimentation with a vow of silence. “I was a very good student, but leaned more toward show business than anything else because I had a way of entertaining the class,” he told the Toronto Star. “I wasn’t the class clown, but always prominent — even when I was quiet.”

He said he was nearly expelled from boarding school and then dropped out of a military college after three days because he did not wish to subject himself to a buzz cut.

Mr. Trebek began working at the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. while studying philosophy at the University of Ottawa, where he graduated in 1961. As a broadcaster for radio and television, he delivered coverage in English and French, reported on news, weather and sports, and hosted “Reach for the Top,” a popular teen quiz show.

In 1973, Mr. Trebek came to the United States as host of “The Wizard of Odds,” a short-lived game show created by fellow Canadian Alan Thicke.

“It was canceled on a Friday, and I was disappointed, of course,” Mr. Trebek once said on “The Dan Patrick Show,” a sports talk program. “It was replaced the following Monday by a show called ‘High Rollers,’ which I also hosted. . . . After two and a half years, it was canceled, and it was replaced by another show which I hosted. So I have the either great honor or dubious honor of having replaced myself on three different occasions.”

Mr. Trebek, who became a U.S. citizen in 1998, also hosted shows including “Double Dare,” “The $128,000 Question” and “Battlestars.” He subbed for Chuck Woolery, Sajak’s predecessor on “Wheel of Fortune,” bringing him to the attention of Griffin. For a period Mr. Trebek hosted “Classic Concentration” and “To Tell the Truth” while also presiding over “Jeopardy!,” where he reportedly commanded $10 million a year.

As “Jeopardy!” host, Mr. Trebek participated in national contestant searches and shepherded the first teen, senior and celebrity tournaments. He also contributed clues, drawing from his knowledge in such arcane fields as oil drilling and bullfighting. He personally reviewed all clues before taping a show and claimed that he could answer about 65 percent of them correctly. If he judged one too difficult, he asked writers not to use it.

“I’ll say, ‘Nobody’s going to get this,’ ” he told the New York Times in a 2020 interview. “And they usually take my suggestions, because I view myself as every man.”

By the time Mr. Trebek completed 30 years as host, “Jeopardy!” reached 25 million viewers a week. His Emmys included a lifetime achievement award, and, in 2013, he ranked No. 8 in a Reader’s Digest poll of the most trusted people in America. Jimmy Carter, the highest-ranking president on the list, arrived at No. 24.

A ubiquitous presence in pop culture, Mr. Trebek appeared in the “Got milk?” advertising campaign, in films including “White Men Can’t Jump” (1992) and on television shows including “The Simpsons” and “The X-Files.” In a memorable episode of “Cheers,” Mr. Trebek welcomed as a contestant the postal carrier Cliff Clavin (John Ratzenberger), the sitcom’s most undesirable bachelor, in a round of “Jeopardy!” with categories including “beer,” “mothers and sons” and “celibacy.”

Mr. Trebek was spoofed on “Second City Television,” the Canadian TV sketch show, and “Saturday Night Live,” with comedian Will Ferrell, as his impersonator, barely containing his contempt for dimwitted contestants on “Celebrity Jeopardy!”

“I’ll take ‘Swords’ for $400,” Sean Connery, portrayed by Darrell Hammond, intoned in a Scottish accent when the category of clues was in fact “ ‘S’ Words.”

Mr. Trebek’s first marriage, to Elaine Callei, ended in divorce. In 1990, he married Jean Currivan. A complete list of survivors was not immediately available.

Little changed about “Jeopardy!” as the years wore on for the show, for Mr. Trebek and for fans. Newfangled topics, such as twerking, were occasionally introduced. Over time, contestants revealed themselves to be more familiar with Dan Brown, author of “The Da Vinci Code,” than with the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, the New Republic noted. And Mr. Trebek was called upon to learn to rap to read certain clues.

But mainly the show stayed “comfortable, like an old pair of shoes,” Mr. Trebek once said. In its constancy, it became all the more comforting for the legions of fans who turned to “Jeopardy!” for its promise of clear right and wrong answers in a world where the matter of what is true was increasingly subjected to partisan debate.

“There’s a certain comfort that comes from knowing a fact,” Mr. Trebek told the Times in July. “The sun is up in the sky. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to change that. You can’t say, ‘The sun’s not up there, there’s no sky.’ There is reality, and there’s nothing wrong with accepting reality. It’s when you try to distort reality, to maneuver it into accommodating your particular point of view, your particular bigotry, your particular whatever — that’s when you run into problems.”

Phroyd

[the-last-airbadger]

My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

 The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

 The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

 My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

 Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

 2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

[girlsgonemildblog]

Is It Too Late to Apply? - The Bachelor Season 25, Week 1 Recap

All images from abc.com

I am a feminist and hate how society continually pits women against each other to compete for men. But two hours a week, for 8-10 weeks a year, I put all of that aside because I LOVE The Bachelor. Give me all the chaos, the drama, the make-outs, the heartbreaks, and the ridiculously sparkly dresses you have. I will watch every second of it and live-tweet the whole thing without an ounce of  guilt.

I’m very excited about this new season because there have been almost no spoilers (maybe they should do every season in a bubble?). Just to clarify, I never seek out spoilers, but sometimes they show up on my twitter feed and accost me without my consent. I am promising now; if that does happen for this season, I will not include them in my recaps. Anyway, let’s begin.

It makes sense to start by introducing the bachelor, especially because he’s completely new to Bachelor Nation, Matt James.

Matt James is the first actually hot bachelor in a long time. Colton and Nick Viall were both cute, and Arie and Pete were fine, but Matt James is literally gorgeous. He was supposed to be on Clare’s season until she called him out for using being on her season for clout. To clarify, the “clout” he was using was to get donations to the charity he runs, ABC Food Tours. And his clout did not come from being on her season as much as from being the best friend of the one and only Tyler Cameron. If you are new to Bachelor Nation, Tyler C, as he is (extremely) affectionately called, was the heartthrob of the second most recent season of The Bachelorette. He came in second that season but bounced back quickly by dating Gigi Hadid. Tyler did try to make it work with his bachelorette, Hannah Brown, during quarantine (Matt was also quarantining with them), but they broke up a few months ago.

Because Matt is new to Bachelor Nation, we really don’t know much about him. From the introduction package, we learned that he is mixed-race, and his parents separated when he was young. He also says he has never been in love before, which has made some audience members wary of his position as the bachelor.

His newness also means that he also doesn’t know a lot about the process, and watching him navigate through it with doe-eyed wonder makes him even more charming. We saw his nervousness when he asked Chris Harrison for a fireside chat before the girls started arriving. Chris gave some of his patented Chris-Harrison-advice about love, but they also had a very real conversation about race, which is not something usually seen on this show. Matt voiced his fears about what people will say if he picks a White girl or a Black girl, which was great because The Bachelor usually operates with a “we don’t see race” mindset, which is problematic for obvious reasons. The season of The Bachelorette that ended just two weeks ago featured a Black bachelorette getting engaged to a White contestant. I have not seen any commentary about this, but I’m sure it’s out there; I’m just lucky enough to follow good people.

This season had a record number of applications, and there were 32 contestants on the first night. It would be insane to go through every single one of them, mainly because I don’t remember all of them, so I am just going to discuss the five that stood out to me.

Katie

Katie’s limo-entrance was the cold open of the show, as she introduced herself to Matt James while holding her vibrator. To call this a bold move may be the biggest understatement of all time. I am all for female empowerment and being open about female sexuality, but this was a lot. Especially when she clarified that it had been cleaned, meaning it was not brand new as I had assumed. I don’t care how much she scrubbed it; that’s gross. Also, as another girl was talking to Matt about how the hurricanes had affected her family in Puerto Rico, Katie came up and interrupted her by tapping the girl on the shoulder with the dildo. Whatever the conversation was, that was a weird move. During that specific conversation, it’s rude. If you’re going to do something like that, you have to hold back a second and figure out what the conversation’s vibe is before you interrupt. Still, I like Katie. I think she’s cute and funny. She could go far in this show, as long as she does not rely on the dildo-bit too much.

Khaylah

Nothing about Khaylah blew me away, but she made her entrance in her truck and made that connection to Matt of both being from North Carolina. During the cocktail party, the two of them sat in the bed of the truck under the stars in an adorable moment. In a sea of 32 girls, I was able to remember her (though I did have to look up her name), which I think is a good sign for her with Matt.

Abigail

Abigail and Matt had a great conversation about her being hard of hearing and how it’s difficult for her to talk about when starting a new relationship. Matt, who had stressed his own difficulty with being vulnerable, appreciated her openness. Abigail got the first real kiss of the season, as well as the coveted first impression rose. This rose can be a great sign, as the receiver usually goes far in the competition, and three bachelorettes in a row ended up getting engaged to the person who got this rose. That being said, just last season, Tayshia’s first-impression-rose, Spencer, immediately faded to the background before being cut two weeks later. Still, I am going to keep my eye on her.

Kit

Kit is already a polarizing figure. She’s 21 years old, a self-proclaimed socialite, and the daughter of famous fashion designer Cynthia Rowley. She watched the premiere on Monday with Charlotte Lawrence and Kaia Gerber. For these reasons, plus her saying in a confessional that she loves being the center of attention, people are calling her spoiled, too young, and “not there for the right reasons” (a favorite phrase of Bachelor Nation). I like Kit, though. I think she is unapologetically herself, and I have to admire that. In addition, I think The Bachelor has gotten so big that we have to assume almost every contestant goes on with the thought that maybe they get engaged, but at the very least they’ll get a revolve sponsorship.  It’s also clear that she is not going to be the season’s villain, at least not at first.

Victoria

That title is going to go to no other than “Queen” Victoria. Yes, for her career, Victoria listed herself as a queen. She made poor interns carry her in, wore a tiara, and gave Matt a crown so he could be her king. During the cocktail party, she got way too drunk and tried to pressure a girl to talk to Matt by saying “literally” too many times. She also spoke to him three times, while others talked to him zero. This isn’t uncommon on the first night, but it’s still looked down on. Also, she interrupted Kit’s time by saying, “excuse me, princess, the queen is here,” igniting a feud that will be entertaining as all hell to watch. She also got the final rose of the night, signaling to the viewer that the producers made Matt keep her on for the drama. My prediction is all the girls hate her, and she fuels drama for the beginning, but ultimately gets sent home week 3 or 4, so that actual relationship drama can begin. After that,  we’ll see her for sure in Paradise.

Matt sent home eight girls, Alicia, Emani, Saneh, Amber, Corrinne, Carolyn, Cassandra, and Kimberly. Alicia was a professional ballerina, which is pretty impressive, and Cassandra’s sister made a funny TikTok about her getting sent home.

[thatbitchinsneakers]

The Bachelorette Season 16 Episode 1

Hi everyone and welcome to ThatBitchInSneakers! While my identity remains a secret (for now), my unfiltered opinions on the hilariously pathetic franchise that we all know as The Bachelor/Bachelorette most definitely do not . I'm just gonna cut the crap of introducing myself cause literally nobody cares so without further ado, here we go with Season 16 Episode 1 of The Bachelorette.

Before we begin, a preview for the season just came on and it was like "you'll finally get some clare-ification" and some other dumb sentence saying "clare-voyant" (as if any of the 18-25 year old girls who watch this show fucking know what that means?) and all i can say if thank god her name isn't something like hmm idk TAYSHIA ????? cause there simply won't be a single play on words for that one. Bravo to the ABC summer interns for coming up with those! 

This epsiode starts with Chris Harrison "surprising" Clare over Facetime telling her that she's the new bachelorette. Like she totally didn't see this coming even though she had her hair and makeup done and a full blown camera crew in her bedroom. Such a shock for Clare! 

Ok, so she talks a lot about how her life/filming was flipped upside down because of this little thing going on in the world called a fucking pandemic. She's like "what should I do today? Should I get out of bed?" Like don't you have a full time job? Oh wait jk you take take instagram pics from home, I forgot. 

She gets covid tested, thank you ABC, and is free to go makeout with tons of random men! Yay Clare! Chris Harrison delivering her test results had me WHEEZING. Like legally, how is allowed to give her her test results? Can he deliver my results? What about HIPPA? so many questions. not enough time. Moving on. 

Some of the men are introduced and we find out that ABC spends a fuck load of money to put them up in their own rooms at a hotel in La Quinta, California (like sorry Clare the mansion is only reserved for people in their 20s) giving her, and all the men, free covid tests. Lucky them! I had to pay $250 for a rapid covid test so fuck u ABC. Anyway, the men are bored out of their minds in their hotel rooms working out, jacking off (probably), and flexing their muscles in the mirror. 

Clare arrived to the mansion in a dress that looks similar to what I wore to my bat mitzvah (although the backless was a nice touch, Clare) and she sits down with her personal therapist, Chris Harrison, and we find out about her past relationships/500 times being on the show.  Blah blah blah Chris Harrison legit does not give one fuck.

More men are introduced as they walk out of the limo to meet Clare and I'm honestly so impressed at how closely ABC and the NFL worked this season! Every other man on this show a former football player. Sorry to the "account executives" but you guys are outnumbered :/ Maybe next year!

Let's talk about the men.

First on my list of men to talk about is Eazy. He's fucking hot but like...Eazy? "Hi mom and dad this is my new boyfriend, Eazy. With a Z!" Mmm no sorry not gonna work. But tbh he should be the next bachelor because there are so many ways for the ABC interns to incorperate his name into the previews. "This next season is NOT gonna be Eazy" or "These girls are all so Eazy" idk just to name a few.

Jason, former football player, shows up pregnant! Haha! Good one, Jordan! Next.

Ivan gets out of the limo with some inspiring words from his mother, "Maganda ka" in Tagalog, which does actually mean "you are beautiful" (yes I looked it up cause I don't believe anything that comes out of a man's mouth these days). Points for you Ivan!

Kenny - boy band manager. Would absolutely love to know what boy band he could possibly manage. 

Tyler C - Not the Tyler C I'm used to but whatever. Obsessed with the fact that the producers were like hey Tyler come here so we're gonna put you in a shitty little station wagon with a suitcase and a single lamp tied to the top and you're gonna pretend like you "packed up your entire life" to come here for Clare. Ok cool thanks! Quirky entrance #1- check! 

Of course right after Tyler shows up in a disgusting station wagon, someone HAD to roll up in a Rolls Royce. Oh and guess who it is! That's right. The guy who went to Harvard! I wonder how long it's gonna take for him to mention that he went to Harvard. My guess is next episode.

Let's talk about some of the other entrances - Straight jacket? Full suit of armor? Like what drugs were these producers taking when they were like oh here's a great idea lets put a man in a straight jacket and then have him pretend he's here for love! Dumb. 

Ok so then she meets Dale and her 39 year old ovaries literally explode. I don't blame her though because he's really hot but like relax bitch theres 30 other guys here trying to get into your pants like give it a sec. Obvi Chris Harrison comes out and is like "omg did you just say you think you met your husband? Wow in my 568 years of doing this show, I've never heard anyone say that so quickly." Clare, just breaking Bachelor records all around!

So now we're in the fake mansion, the drinks are flowing, Clare is having weird convos etc. This is usually the best part of the Bachelor/Bachelorette because everyone is literally so fucked up because they're drinking, for free, for like 8 hours straight. There's always random fights and people rolling their eyes and what not. But I was so disappointed that the only thing that happened was that one guy was like DMing randoms saying "hey beautiful" or whatever. before the show started filming. Like who cares ? Get over it. Clare sat them both down and was like ok figure it out my 39 year old uterus does not have any more time to waste.

I did love how Blake messaged her before the show being like "I'm here for you" because that's actually so sweet. Like to know that he did that when cameras weren't filming and reached out to her on insta to say he's excited for this to be over so he can meet her and he's here for her while she's going through shit is actually so sweet. If she doesn't keep Blake then I'm suing the Bachelor franchise.

Blah blah blah nothing else exciting. Dale gets the first impression rose, obvi, and then she ends up keeping the man who was DMing the girls before filming. Yosef, who she has already nicknamed "Yo". Then the rose ceremony which is literally at 9am the next day like the sun is fully up. 

To sum up this episode, I'd say it fucking sucked. This doesn't feel like the normal Bachelor/Bachelorette at all. Idk if it's the fact that Clare is 100 years old and not the usual girl that is fresh out of college and a self proclaimed Instagram model, but it just doesn't feel right. 

Can't say I'm looking forward to it, but see yall next week!

Kisses,

That Bitch In Sneakers

Official "I love that" count: 9

Official "I needed this" count: 6

[mysideblogofsurveys]

Survey 19

1. Do you wear accessories? Not really, just a thin hair tie on my wrist

2. Do you remember your childhood phone number? Address? Yes, my parents still have the same landline phone number and still live at the same address

3. Have you ever moved? If so, when/how many times? UGH SO MANY TIMES!  We moved the first time in Aug 2012 (from the Midwest to Seattle WA), then May 2014 (Seattle to Florida), then June 2019 (West Coast of FL to East Coast of FL) and we’ll be moving a FOURTH TIME sometime in Oct 2020 - not sure exactly when but we are for sure (back to the West Coast of FL).

4. Do you wear deodorant every day? I don’t >< I don’t trust the chemicals (aluminum) in deodorant so I just wash my pits every day and they’re fine.

5. What was the last thing you bonded with someone over? Umm, I can really only think of bonding with my husband over our shared interests

6. What are your plans for the upcoming weekend? UGH well we had the “Cat 1 Hurricane” that thankfully turned to a Tropical Storm - so we just stayed home and played video games and watched UFC.  Its actually supposed to pass through us today and so far, its just windy and rainy.  Nothing too bad.

7. What TV shows are you watching? I’m kind of between shows right now.  Just finishing Jason Mesnick’s season of the Bachelor on Netflix currently but not sure what I’ll put on after that.

8. What is your favorite music genre? I love so many - mostly Rock/Metal, Anime/Japanese songs and 80s.  I was heavily into Kpop for about 5 years but I’ve recently stopped paying so close attention. I still like it but definitely don’t follow it as closely as I did before.

9. What is something you’re super into right now? Honestly, nothing in particular. I need to find some type of hobby.  I want to start journaling or a journal of games I play (with screen shots) or something. but I never have the patience to sit a do stuff like that. However, I always want to play games like Stardew Valley (its always on my mind.  I just love that game so much).

10. Do you have a celebrity crush? Ok, I have a few haha: - Henry Cavill (Have you SEEN him build a computer? Or his role in the Witcher?? *heart eyes*) - Tom Hardy (I really liked him in Mad Max and Venom) - Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol from EXO (Korean boy band) - I melt every time I hear their voices.

11. Do you have a goal you’re trying to accomplish? Yes but I can never decide what I want to spend my time on so I end up just wasting time.  Like this morning for instance - I get up at 8am, briefly scroll through social media/watched the Bachelor with WIP of a Stardew Valley fic open on my laptop but now its 10:30am and I added maybe 15 words to the fic...WHERE did the last 2 hours go?? I have all of these ideas but for some reason, I have the hardest time sitting down and typing it all out..and procrastinate and do this survey instead ><

12. What was your last dream? Did you tell anyone about it? I had a dream of a Stardew Valley one-shot (which is what I was trying to write this morning) but of course, didn’t get it written out.  I usually tell my husband about them

13. Do you like workouts where you count reps or by 30 seconds? I’ll take either.  I like working out

14. Whats your favorite thing to do on a Sunny day? What about a Rainy day? On a Sunny day, I like going for walks with my Husband and playing Pokemon Go.  On rainy days, I like sitting and studying something (like a language) or even playing games.

15. Do you have a "Rainy Day fund"? No, but I just push most of my income (whatever is left over after paying bills/buying the necessities) into my savings account.

16. Do you "RBF" (resting bitch face)? Not really?  But I get told I look “angry” sometimes?  I hate that I have that expression but I know I frown when I’m in deep thought ><

17. If your house was one fire, what is the first thing you would grab? As long as my Husband was safe, my second thought would be my computers and external hard drive.

18. What is your favorite feature about yourself? Worst feature? I like my eyes and smile, my worst feature..well I guess it’d be my social anxiety ><

19. What is your “must get” from the grocery store? (What item is always on your list?) Lately its been watermelon, a great snack. 20. Do you have a favorite show or song you put on every time you’re sad? Not particularly. I have a playlist of songs that I put on when I’m in that mood but no specific song or show 21. What is your favorite holiday? I like Thanksgiving and New Years Eve/Day 22. What is your dream occupation? UGH I wish I knew.  I’m in the financial field right now and I don’t really like it but its not too bad.  I know I don’t belong in this field but I don’t have experience in anything else to fall back on so I guess I’ll continue with it (plus I’m in my early 30s, I don’t want to have to start ALL OVER again since we’re finally close to getting a house and finally starting a family). 23. Do you like dressing up? Eh, not really.  I like casual, comfy clothes 24. Ever been on a cruise? Bungee jumping? I’ve been on several cruises (they’re a lot of fun!) but I have not bungee jumped..not sure if I’m brave enough for that. 25. Have you ever been on a date?  What has been your favorite date? I have been on quite a few dates!  My favorite one was going to a rock show for our 3 month anniversary (WAY back in May 2010) with my husband (well, he was just my boyfriend at the time :) ) 26. Have you ever been through a Hurricane?  Tornado? Earthquake? Well, Hurricane Irma in 2017 and Hurricane Dorian in 2019...lets hope we don’t have anymore this year >< I have not been through a Tornado or Earthquake. 27. Are you the adventurous type? I’d say so?  I don’t know many people who would move as much as we have 28. Do you live close to your family? No :/ all of my family (and in-laws) live in the Midwest.  Well, aside from my Mother/Father-in-law.  They are snowbirds and have a house on the West Coast of FL and we’re moving back to be closer to them in a couple months. 29. Are you creative?  Is there anything creative you’re working on right now? I WANT to be creative but I have a hard time sitting down and getting something done.  I have half-written about 20 fanfiction pieces (for several fandoms) since 2017 but I haven’t completed any of them. 30. Do you have a morning routine?  Nightly routine? - Morning routine on the week day: Get up, start coffee, take a shower, scroll through social media/watch a show before getting ready for work - Morning routine on the weekend: Get up, start coffee, wash my face, watch a show/play a video game/scroll through social media until my Husband wakes up Nightly routine on the week day: Get my lunch ready the night before, brush/floss, read at least 10-20 min then go to sleep by 11pm to get up at 6:15am Nightly routine on the weekend: Brush my teeth and go to bed lol