#the ask blog timeline is like

[jonahmarshall77]

How does it feel to die?

“ Uh. Not... good? Very empty. It feels like- very cold, very- uh. It feels like the word disassociation you could get. While also not breathing and whatever. ”

[askinsufferableprick]

is this thing working?

oh shit it is this is officially happening lets fuckin go

ok so uh welcome ladies, gents n such to the offical ask blog for the world renowned creator of SBHJ and various other cool blogs i know yall got a billion questions such as whos that super cool dude on camera there's no way that's the one and only dave strider himself i knew he was a epic dude but this is way beyond anything i could have imagined how does such a famous and busy guy got the time for yet another dope as hell blog or like hey doesnt putting your name and face up online go against like basic internet safety protocol all valid questions guess you gotta go throw some asks in that empty as fuck ask box if you want any of the answers

[winewinebloodwine]

*Throws a 4 month year old child at you.*

She’s yours biologically yours. I’m giving her to you early to see if you’ll accept her. If no, I shall send her back. (You’d get her when she’s five instead)

[Staring at the child. Absolutely terrifed] ...... Uh. Mmmmmm. Fuck no..nmmmm nope to young to be a parent. Why are you giving me a child. Wh. Why. What???!?

[rainy-xp-art]

I posted the first picture on my main account first although I thought I could also post it here as well.

I don’t really have a name for this au yet- I mean I did base the sans of of catmint but yk-

[samsammysamson]

this is a robbery, empty your pockets

EEK-

[the-fastest-things-alive]

Hey!

This blog is centered around our fic, the Fastest Things Alive, which began as a chat fic and is currently spiraling wildly beyond our control. We each write a group of characters, and have thrown together the games, comics(yes, all three), movies, shows and other various media as it strikes our interest. On this blog you can interact with your favorite characters, ask questions about the fic, and generally just vibe with us!

We try to update the fic around once a month, typically on Sundays, but don't expect a particular date. We aren't that organized.

Here's the first chapter! It's about 2k, and a fairly light read. This thing started as a chatfic... yeah. Yeah.

And the hellspawn! Organzied by who plays who! This list stays consistent with the point the fic is at(currently chapter 15), so minor spoilers ahead.

@ivythesnivy

KnightOfTheWind: Modern/IDW Sonic

ClassicVibes: Classic Sonic

X-tremeEscapist: Sonic X

FutureFrontier: someone help this man

ChaoticEquilibrium: a little shit

AberrantAdventure: I think this one's worse

@vixiyne

VivalaRevolution: Archie Sonic

Youshouldseemeinacrown: A post genesis wave au Scourge, he's so depressed I stg

SpaceCop: Zonic the Zone Cop

MachMeInADenny'sParkingLot: Boom two, electric boogaloo. Don't ask. Or do!

@yourfreindlynighborhoodspycrab

NotGonnaRuleYouCantMakeMe: Underground Sonic

@umbrenshadow

SunshineHog: Sunny(Fleetway Super Sonic, post split)

TheUltimateKnightform: Sir Lancelot(SatBK)

VoidHopper: Void Scourge. Scourge of the void... another post genesis wave Scourge. We're starting a collection.

We also have a discord server! Come chat with us! We're building lore archives and post BtS if y'all are interested!!!

https://discord.gg/4xwAXxyG

And with that, welcome to the mulitversal Sonic chatfic to end all chatfics!

[askingtherapybill]

Where's the jumpsuit

WHO NEEDS THAT OLD THING? IT'S SO CONSTRAINING

[fivepebblesphone]

Yo lad we need your help there's a religious fanatic who has enthralled a pacifistic Slugcat into believing that forced ascension is a good thing and they're going to spread that belief to the entire colony

This religious fanatic is at

@monk-has-a-phone

Yes, yes, it's very unfortunate. Unfortunately, I don't have any say on what goes on there. Also, I don't think we are even in the same timeline.

[sweet-cuddlebug]

Soooo Gamzee :o)

I was thinking, like I rarely do, and

Gameez's …. reasons? "Why"s? I don't know

Non present lusus (Negligence) [Canon]

Fear of loneliness (Abandonment) [Suspicion]

Hearing voices? (I mean before the game. Mental disability? Practically magic?) [Canon? Theory? I don't remember if it was mentioned in the comic or if it was a guess]

Addiction to sopor slime (Coping, badly) [Canon, more or less]

Juggalo religion (Coping, badly) [Canon, more or less]

Verbal abuse (Other trolls) [Canon, right??]

Sudden Sobriety (Bad reality check) [Canon, right?]

Rage (Bad reality check x2 thanks Dave) [Canon]

Manipulation (Lil Cal) [Canon]

Exposure to murder and toxic beliefs (Lil Cal) [Canon, more or less? The second one was a theory?]

Corpse manipulation (Coping? Out of his mind?) [Canon]

Toxic relationship (Kismesitude with Terezi) [Canon]

Bad relationship (Moiraliganse with Karkat) [Canon]

Mind Control (Aranea) [Canon]

Physical Abuse (Caliborn) [Canon]

Minor (everything mentioned above happened when he was 13 years old, less or around that age) [FUCKING CANON OMG]

Other things happened, like his flushed interest dying at the hands of someone he's supposedly afraid of, and being trapped in a refrigerator with other corpses, or being revealed to him that he is the supposed god of his religion and that he is destined to hurt others or something like that, but I forgot to put those :3

I created this list of events, facts and data (some canon, some theories, some speculation) to try to better understand Gamzee's character and maybe create an AU or something similar where everyone has a happy ending, just for me :]

I invite you to talk more in depth about these points, verify their canonicity, or speculate theories. If you want!

@minu-moni @bunnytriestoanimateyt @autisticsupervillain @a-little-too-sillay

Omfg im tagging motherfuckers hiiii

[ask-duotale-b2fc]

(To the most recent Blackberry ask response)

Hm. That reminds me of something… 

🎵“…A voice saying ‘Alex, you gotta fend for yourself!’ He started retreating and reading every treatise on the shelf…”🎵

Fun fact. There exists a partical cover of him singing this song on a YouTube video. It's really old though so good luck finding it lol

Maybe I'll get the whole song one day. We'll see.

[PREVIOUS | NEXT]

[powder-ask]

Powder! Hi beautiful! Quick questions!

Have you found your Isha?

if not, what if it’s because Isha is supposed to be your biological daughter in your universe and you can’t find her because she literally doesn’t exist yet?

Do you think other Ekko and Jinx should get married? People are annoying the hell out of them

Hello, thanks for the compliment... //////

1. I think i may have ! I asked a friend for some record from the orphanage and she send it to me, one of the profils correspond with Isha's ! We're going to visit her on Friday with Ekko.

2. Even if i didnt find her, i dont think it would be truth... she doesnt look that much like me or Ekko, at all, even with her blue hair...

3. Marriage isnt something that should be a goal, if they want to marry eachother, threy should ! If they want to wait or never do it, they can ! Personally, i know that in a few year i want to marry my Ekko, but that's my own opinion.

[undertale-writing-times]

🎊 with Killer maybe ,?

Baby! >:D

You found out a while ago that you were pregnant; yet you haven't told Killer. Why not? Because he hadn't been back from his mission. He was sent out with the other 'Murder time trio' a few weeks ago. They were supposed to collect stuff from AUs which is why they haven't been around.

You asked Nightmare a few times when they would be coming back, but you could tell that he was getting annoyed with you, so you left him alone and went to walk around or just sit. You were bored and nervous! You didn't know how far along you were by now, but you knew that you were getting a bit of a belly.

The food in the kitchen was good too but you've been getting cravings and you had nobody to complain to! Your stomach was annoying and your feet hurt and you wanted to cry.

You were sure that Nightmare knew and found all of this amusing... or maybe he was eating the negative energy that came off of you and that's why he hasn't told Killer? Whatever the reason, you were so sick and tired of all of this! You wanted to cuddle with your skeleton and nobody was letting you!

Finally, you heard the sound that you'd been waiting for. The portal opens and closes. Killer was talking about something while Axe was carrying the bags, which he took to the kitchen letting out soft sounds as he walked.

Most likely happy with their large haul.

“Killer!” You say from where you were sitting, leaning over the back of the couch looking over at him. He looks over at you and smiles.

He hurries over and leans over, nuzzling his skull against yours. “Hey Y/n,” He greeted, “How've you been holding up without us? Miss little old me?”

“More than I could say but I've got a... bit of a problem” you mumble, moving to rest your hand on your stomach. Seeing his confusion, tilting his head mostly, you continue, “I'm pregnant.”

His sockets widen and you see Dusty's head snap towards you, staring at you. Killer peeks around to look at your stomach so you sit up on your knees so he could see it.

“Holy shit,” he mumbles, then smiles and reaches over to rub your stomach. Dusty slips away to go and do whatever he does. “You're having a souling? Holy shit” He mumbled the last part. You saw little white dots appear in his sockets, something you knew meant that he was having strong emotions.

“We're having a souling,” you corrected, laughing softly. “Now that you're back... can you please help me get something to eat? My feet hurt and this sucks.”

Killer snickers but nods and nuzzles you, humming happily. “Right away~” he then turns and hurries off to the kitchen. “Axe! I'm having a babybones!!” You had a feeling that he was excited about it...

You later find out that he said it during a fight against the Star Sanses. Yeah, he's excited.

[sunglassesguy]

Um, hi guys. As you may know, 😎 recently got publicly executed.

I'm his cousin, 🤓. He told me to replace him while he's dead.

[poorlydrawndirk]

We're on air.

More precisely, I was on air when I recorded this, but the details are largely irrelevant. Because I don't really feel like covering fuckin' introductory quantum mechanics and telling you exactly how the influence of the Skaian universe, when applied at the quark level and taken alongside the probabilistic effect of quantum behavior, superposes via particle states and results in the formation of what you might refer to as "overlapping timelines". And that's already getting real abecedarian about this shit.

Yeah, sue me. Try boning up on basic physics while you're at it.

So. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I managed to rig this sick as hell channel-cum-blog up and get it to straddle the space-time continuum like an antediluvian Olympic gymnast doing mad splits over baby's first toy pony, but that ain't the point of this little exercise. Posting what's effectively a vlog is enough of an onanistic venture without adding Skaian Principles For Dummies: Electric Boogaloo to the schedule.

Where was I?

(Rhetorical question. Don't answer, if it needed to be said.)

The name's Dirk.

Strider. Yeah, that Strider.

I'd be more worried about internet safety, but seeing as there are only up to two people alive around here no matter how far you pull my timeline back, and I'm one of 'em, it doesn't exactly compute. Face it, brosephine: you aren't getting to year 24xx post-hilarocaust, and you sure aren't getting past that. Wasn't shat out of a lab yet when you were committing identity theft and scamming doddering old ladies out of their sadsack pensions.

(If you manage to get pizza delivered out here, I'll tip extra.)

Besides, you already knew my name, didn't you?

Maybe your next question's going to be:

"Why are you calling this a vlog when it's obviously just a blog?"

Or maybe,

"Why is your URL poorlydrawndirk when it's totally malapropos?"

Buckle in, kids. Strap yourself into that convertible toddler-safe harness and keep your ass glued tight to all the prime polyester-lined foam, because this ride's about to pull into the station and vehicular standards are some passé 21st century horseshit.

The first thing you have to understand is that even peering upon the brink of these echelons of irony is a skill that you'll never grasp in your life. But that's fine. I'm around. And if it puts your mind at ease,

I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

(There's the tired callback. It's not wrong, but it's tired. Worn out enough for it to be begging you to take it out back behind the shed and put it out of its misery.)

(I'll leave it at that for now, because self-referencing is one thing, but if I get any more meta, I'll have to start narrating in twelve-point Times New Roman.)

Anyway, I'll be breaking it down, just this once. Magnanimous as hell, I know. I could wax poetic and in doing so obfuscate the actual meaning once more from obtuse minds, thereby adding another strata to irony so layered that it's settled past sedimentary and is ready to unearth some fossil formations, but let's be real. That shit would fly over your head so far it'd be trying to dial ground control at Houston.

Here we go.

Vlogs aren't cool; making one ironically is.

Putting in this much effort into making a multiversal vlog makes it cooler, ironically.

Putting in this much effort to make a multiversal vlog when the doomed timelines are all inherently fuckin' doomed, as the name implies, and therefore functionally useless to communicate with, makes it more ironic.

I have Heart powers and am able to achieve my ultimate self through my alpha timeline. Therefore, not only is this pimped-out vlog functionally useless, but I actually don't need it at all.

Which means this wasn't too hard to set up to begin with. Ironic, considering the complex presupposed conditions necessary for bridging that 'verse gap.

And despite framing this as a vlog, this is obviously a blog.

Even though it's just a blog, all these drawings I've made had you convinced that I really thought I was posting a vlog.

And in a way, I'm still making one. It ain't the traditional format, but the almost videographic mannerisms I've been laying on you more than compensate for the fact that the video part of "vlog" doesn't exist.

Except it does, for me.

And because it does, none of these pictures are drawn to begin with. They're all film stills. Screenshots, if you prefer.

Which makes the qualifier of "poorly drawn" untrue.

But it's also almost true, because you can call them poorly drawn by virtue of them not even being drawn. Ride that definition of "poorly" down the one-way rail and you're here, selfie central, population two, me and you.

Of course, that means we have to cover the quandary of truth itself. What constitutes the truth? Titillate that thought for a second.

If I consider the attached files to be selfies, but you consider them to be illustrations, which is it actually?

An analysis of the "truth" means that we have to start delineating how much of this is subjective, tying us in bed with the concept of knowledge. The Socratic take calls for dialectical conversation and inquiry via questioning; therefore, if I just bequeath my knowledge to you on a pretty little metaphorical platter, it won't mean fuckall. So we have to keep digging. Get your pickaxe ready, 'cause we ain't hitting any diamonds of wisdom any time soon.

In fact, maybe that ain't the right direction. Flip it turnways. We gotta climb a li'l higher for what we need.

Maybe we gotta head to the roof.

now. brought cal.

where making this HAPEN.

Haha.

Just fuckin' with you.

Welcome to my blog, dude.

Want water? Imagine I got you a nice, chilled glass.

Let's get this parasocial relationship pumping.

Questions? Concerns? Misguided pseudo-parental queries about whether or not it's safe for your pipsqueak to be exposed to a full dose of radically Stridered bullshit?

Cool.

Make it all three and drop it in the asks, yeah?

[surging-eyes-seeing-through]

Do you know when your trial is happening? Probably some time within the next two weeks or so, right?

"...Tomorrow."

[sebastians-asks]

Um, hi Sebastian. I'm replacing 😎 while he's dead. I think you like programming from what I hear, what languages do you code in?

I usually use C# for the stuff I work on, but I use Python too— Wait..

What?