#the apothecary rambles

[ruiniel]

[biboomerangboi]

Actually so funny how many times Maomao just looks at Jinshi and thinks about him getting railed. Like she just glances and is like yes this man is too beautiful he does in fact get dicked down on the reg.

[squishlamb]

these stressful face to face panels are my FAV lolll

[morningnoodles]

aroace anime fans are winning this season

[alexiethymia]

Boiling Hot Iron vs Lukewarm Water

Maomao's Way of Affection Part 2

[LN 12 spoilers]

I AM ACTUALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. I mean I read it somewhere, but apparently yes, Maomao does initiate the kiss in the light novel. Even if she did accept his feelings, I always thought that it might have been too fast the way she was ready for a night visit already, but I always chalked it up to her upbringing in the pleasure district and her being fifty-fifty that Jinshi wouldn't actually try anything. But the fact that she is the one to actually instigate a kiss, and quite a sweet one at that, while Jinshi was sleeping. This scene in LN 12 really is in contrast to the scene in LN 5 where it was Jinshi who forced the kiss, and even to later on when Maomao ends up falling asleep and Jinshi restrains himself to a kiss on the forehead for replenishment.

It's hard to be coherent with my ramblings but one of the reasons why I love this series is the slow burn on Maomao's part which is really fulfilling, and the slight angst we get because of that, and not just on Jinshi's part.

Below is a translation from the Spanish translation of LN 12:

She just doesn't get it. He wants to step down from his position near the top of the country for a purpose. If that purpose was MaoMao himself, he would definitely have gone mad.

It's as hot as cast iron.

Maomao is not interested in such blazing heat. The only thing she can give back is a warm temperature.

Slowly puts his hand on Mr. Jinshi's cheek and feels his body temperature, which is the same as warm water. Her cheek was slightly colder. His eyelids were completely closed and he rubbed his cheek against my hand like a kitten to be pet. Looks like he sleeps, like he feels safe.

Maomao seems to struggle with the inequality of Jinshi's feelings and hers. She compares Jinshi's feelings to hot cast iron, and hers to warm water. And no wonder, to her, Jinshi willing to give up everything, including his position, for her, seems to be such a passionate love. As much as she snarks and would rather say that she could just do without all of Jinshi's gestures (*cough branding himself for example, this damn masochist cough*), she recognizes how much Jinshi has given up and is willing to give up for her, not to mention all that he has in fact given her.

She even goes to say, "I don't even have anything in return for you." When she says this line, I think that she isn't just referring to being unable to return the depth of Jinshi's feelings, but even their difference in position. As Suiren observes, despite Maomao's forthrightness, perhaps because of the environment they're in, she is very much aware of her station.

It's such a melancholic line coming from her. It seems to me as if she really is afraid of hurting Jinshi. She already doesn't like the thought of Jinshi being hurt like Luomen, but now she also doesn't want to be the one to hurt him. On top of that, for the normally aloof Maomao, it may be that she's starting to feel unconfident precisely because of the difference in position.

Maomao strikes me as a person who wants to be used. Even when she wasn't in love with Jinshi yet, she always seemed to want to be praised for doing a good job. So for her to think that it's just her who keeps receiving and receiving, while not being able to give anything back, the inequality (this time going in the reverse direction) must bother her a lot. She never used to care so for her to feel different from how she usually does because of Jinshi - caring about him, being unsure of herself because of him - oh she must hate how that feels so no wonder she wants to remove herself from the equation. But alas, it's too late.

Unlike Maomao though, I don't think that there's such a disparity between her feelings and Jinshi's despite that she describes his feelings as boiling hot and hers as warm. Yes definitely I feel that Jinshi's feelings may be stronger, but I feel that Maomao's is actually closer to his than she thinks. I think it may be because the nature of their feelings may be strongly influenced by their past.

Jinshi has always had the things he's loved taken from him. He wasn't allowed to prioritize a single thing or a single person because of the responsibilities he's had to assume from such a young age. Sure he's childish now but that may be because he had to grow up fast. Of course he would be desperate and slightly bit manic when it comes finally falling in love. He'll always feel that Maomao will be taken away from him unless he does something about it with his own hands.

Meanwhile, because of Maomao's complicated past with her birth parents, it's no wonder that Jinshi's passion unnerves her. Remember it was that same passion that caused her mother to hurt her. No wonder she doesn't want it. But when it comes to that feeling called love, that's the only version she recognizes because that's what she's been surrounded with in the pleasure district and even in the rear palace - lust imitating love, or even if it was love, a passionate and all-consuming love that destroys everything in its path.

But what does Jinshi make her feel? Trust. Safety. Even if her rational mind tells her that people's feelings change, Jinshi's constant proclamations that he will make everything be ok so that the both of them can be together may in fact actually reassure her. Heck, perhaps that was why Maomao goaded him to make that verbal confession a while back, precisely so she could have that assurance. She doesn't recognize it because she's never seen or had it, but perhaps this stability is something she's wanted her whole life. And I would say her feelings for Jinshi are nearly as strong as his for her, precisely because she feels for him the same way he makes her feel. Nothing passionate but also uncertain. But rather something warm and can be relied on. It's a feeling that pushes her to want to see him safe and healthy. It's a comforting and homey feeling that allows her to relax. And for Maomao who's always considered herself frigid, for her frozen heart to feel that warmth is also a tiny miracle in a way.

Jinshi is childish. Maomao is weird. But apart from their extremes, they're actually a lot alike - engrossed in their work, willful, but ultimately just. Apart from anything else, they're at ease when they can talk to each other. It's actually interesting for me to see how those emotions develop from Maomao's side since Jinshi is giving her space to take things at her own pace, another slow burn in a way. But while Jinshi's love is loud, Maomao's love is quiet. Even before this admission, it was always there, in the soft touches to the hair or cheeks, in being a refuge for rest and sleep, in her worry when he was overworking himself. The moment I would pinpoint that Maomao had actually already fallen in love with Jinshi was when she was contemplating Enen and Yao's relationship. She thinks to herself, "the more you cared for someone, the more you wanted a say in how they behaved - especially if that behavior involved hurting themselves." Now doesn't that sound familiar?

*Note - because I loved it and I'm impatient I'll share the translations for that particular scene in LN 12 in the comments section. One is translated from the Spanish version, while the other is translated from the Korean version. I got all of this from facebook. I'm quite interested to see how it'll come out in the English version.

[coloredcompulsion]

The Apothecary Diaries is just one dude fawning over an autistic phytochemist because she's direct with him and I find that so funny

[white-flower-blooming]

Maomao will willingly eat Xie Lian's food every day for the sake of testing its poisonous effects. To her, his food is sweet nectar.

[ruiniel]

they're kinda precious ngl

[yumiayumu]

everytime ah-duo and emperor yang call jinshi as yue or zui i melt inside 🥹

[waytoorambles]

Maomao being disgusted by Jinishi’s attempt to seduce her is HILARIOUS

[lbhslefttiddie]

wish i was a beautiful eunuch in the imperial palace placed by the emperor as a test of concubines' fidelity

[travalerray]

Rikuson! They added him!

[kingtylerproductions]

My type of fictional men

[coloredcompulsion]

THERE'S TWO OF THEM!

CHEMISTRY AUTISM AND ENTOMOLOGY AUTISM MAOMAO YOU HAVE TO SHOW HER THE CORDYCEPS

[spock-adoodledoo]

even if basen is always gonna be a side character i love him... his gimmick of herculean strength is literally always a gag and yet he struggles so much because of it. his buttons are fun to press and he doesn't have just two unlike lahans older brother (ok he has about 3). he still has a baby face and is 19 and still hasn't gotten laid in a setting where most people have at least had sex if not children a couple years earlier. guy got unwanted advances from jinshi bc he misunderstood it as some kind of normal duel instead of romance power struggles. can lecture maomao on a detailed history of li's founding (probably rote memory he was ordered to learn), but otherwise a bit too naive and oblivious and unsubtle. loyal to a fault. he described aduo as a proud hunting dog (what's jinshi then??). has a complex abt women that hes slowly working on. single dad to a duck that got his love life together and is constantly in danger of being cooked. how is it to have your dad be one of your superiors and your milk brother be another and you could beat both of them in brute strength but not in cleverness?? also how is it falling in love at first sight and sacrificing everything for someone you've barely talked to? how is it being raised by your sister bc your mom is busy with the emperor's younger brother and then serving the guy you were milk brothers w and grew up with

edit: anyways Basen likers hmu im always looking for side character enjoyers

[coldinternetllama]

Spoilers for the 3. LN, in case you are an anime-only:

Y'all ever wonder if Jinshi would have developed some kind of a special interest like Maomao if Anshi didn't raise him the way she did? Don't get me wrong, I know she meant well and I am not trying to hate, but her methods were hurtful and she herself acknowledges that too. In that line of thought, he keeps saying that he is just slightly above average, if at all, in all matters except looks, regardless of how hard he tries. Now, while I do disagree with his self-assessment, I can't help but wonder if he was subconsciously not giving his best, since, you know, he has been conditioned to think that if he wants something too much, it gets taken away.