#the anthy one is related to my own experience with abuse

[girl-revolution-utena]

Trying to think about rgu ocd headcanons ⌛ (a little messy and sorry if it's out of character)

cw: descriptions of different types of ocd obsessions (the descriptions are simple, but if reading about the themes of your obsessions is a trigger for you, please avoid reading this post), mentions of abuse

Juri has magical thinking and her way to cope with that is hating everything related to magic. She has basically overcome it but from time to time she has psychotic episodes because of it. How much she hates miracles is both related with Shiori and is a way to cope with her OCD.

Miki's obsessions are around order, perfectionism and symmetry. He can spent hours trying to get everything Just Right and feels but about it. He has only talked to Juri about this and she advised him using her own experience as a reference (though she didn't told him that part). Idk if the way he uses his chronometer would be related to a compulsion or if it would be stimming. Maybe a mix of both, depending on the situation.

Anthy has intrusive thoughts about how people perceive her and would check her interactions with other too much. She would also check constantly if Akio is near after escaping (this would be also related with PTSD). She also has a tendency to hoarding but she keeps it controlled.

Nanami suffers from obsessions around her relationships with others and around her own identity because of how Touga groomed and manipulated her. She denies this but her mind is constantly ruminating.

But then all of them go to therapy and learn how to cope in a healthy way :D

[utenaposter]

if you would like to just talk about nanami for a bit!! i don't even have a question i just enjoy her a lot

oh!!!! i love nanami :) on my first watch i was stupid and hated her but after thinking about her for a bit its like. god shes. so interesting.

shes literally the biggest and most obvious foil to anthy, considering all her parallels ex.

like! and they have very similar experiences

nanami puts on a cute face when actually shes being a bad person behind the scenes, like in the tsuwabukis diary episode the shadow girls literally have the "oh shes a monkey underneath! no one will ever want to marry her now!" thing and its just like, anthy too. her and anthys stories are so intrinsically linked and thats why they hate each other too, cause they see themselves.

like when nanami discovers what akio does with anthy she sees her own relationship with touga reflected, or what will happen when it goes further, thats when she starts realizing that "holy shit i do not want this" and it scares her!! i think her arc is literally one of the most fleshed out too, people who say nanami is an irredeemable mean girl are so dumb like have you watched the show shes an abused and groomed 13 year old that has no clear defined sense of self!!!!

like in the cow episode! she literally becomes a cow because everyone tells her cows wear cowbells, and so if shes wearing a cowbell then shes a cow! no one tells her how ugly the cowbell is or anything because theyre afraid of the consequences so she just thinks she's better as a cow, and she becomes one!!

i like nanami a lot, especially all her interactions with anthy, shes just a perfect foil and if you look at nanami early on you can really start understanding anthy better too. im not an expert on nanami but i really really love her, she has no real view of the world outside of whats been taught to her by touga. when she finds out that theyre not blood related she gets disgusted with their relationship because now she realizes that touga never actually loved her as a sister and that she'll never be his in that way, and that gets even more intense when she sees anthy and akio and realizes what THAT kind of relationship entails!!!!! shes literally just a 13 year old with little to no understanding of anything because shes been constantly groomed into believing things that arent right, i hope she gets therapy when she gets out of ohtori.

oh yea i also think she'd be the next one out after anthy/utena because she starts realizing how not good ohtori is pretty early

[altruisticenigma]

I feel like we as a society do not talk enough or in depth about Anthy as a character and the abuse she experienced and in turn, how that shaped her character and her thoughts/feelings/motives.

And thus how she was not only treated by other characters, but by fandom as well.

It is super common for me to see people absolutely adore and love the sword-wielding lesbian, sweet and naïve Utena, but there is rarely any love, understanding or analysis of Anthy and her character- and quite frankly I think it comes from the large misunderstanding of her motives and how her motives were drawn from a place of trauma and abuse.

Anthy actually is my most favorite character from RGU hands down (I wrote a whole ass analysis on it), and it makes me sometimes frustrated to see how fandom treats her and continually misunderstands her.

It also is lowkey frustrating- and I’ll admit I write this from a place of projection- as a person with complex trauma. I felt like I related so heavily to Anthy’s complex and dark motives because trauma can do that to a person. When I see fandom treating her that way, or when I see how she’s continually misunderstood and alienated in the anime, it’s like… it’s a reminder of how society at a whole is not equipped to comprehend someone with a complex abusive background.

We humans only understand one another from our own perspectives, and find it difficult to truly empathize with someone with an experience we haven’t felt ourselves. We just see something and draw our own feelings and thoughts from it from our own experiences, not from a place of true understanding.

It’s just something I constantly think about. Ikuhara wrote such an amazing anime way ahead of its time for so many reasons.

[discountdyke]

finished my first ever rewatch of utena yesterday (shocking i know) and im like. wow. wow. the first time i watched it was about 6 years ago, a year after i escaped my own abuser and about a year before i understood what had actually happened to me. like everyone else its really stuck with me all these years and i had always planned to rewatch but i just...never got around to it. 

so anyways its been really interesting to see everything happen and go “oh thats what happened to me! ive heard that too! i remember that exact moment in my own life!” and i feel like i relate to anthy much much more than i did the first time (utena was extremely relatable as i was going through Gender Experiences my first watch). its incredible to me how well the series handles abuse, that even with the fantastical setting it still feels so incredibly real. the masterful subtlety of akios manipulation, insidious and yet to easy to brush off. 

but what really struck me was how simple it was for anthy to leave once she’d made the decision. after all the duels and mirages and the crumbling tower and innumerable swords, it really all came down to that one single step into the outside world

[sneakydraws]

Okay, I’d like to go through this point by point because there’s a lot going on.

“You’re leaving out Akio and his intentions” - If this is about the original essay then, well. To be blunt, I left Akio out of it because it is not about him at all. If I had had the freedom to write however much I wanted, maybe I would have included him in my discussion about Anthy’s characterisation more, but with the strict word limit - which I’ve mentioned repeatedly - I had to stick to the topic on hand very narrowly.

If this is not about the essay, but rather about my reply to your initial comment, then yeah, I didn’t mention Akio’s agenda because, again, that just wasn’t the topic of discussion. You specifically took issue with my idea that Anthy took some amount of pleasure in making herself seem antagonistic to Utena, so I explained why I thought that was the case. If the topic at hand was the ways in which her relationship with Akio influences Anthy’s behaviour, I would have talked about that.

“Personally, it kind of stings to hear people act like Anthy is just ~loving~ showing off how she’s sexually involved with her brother. I personally see Anthy’s witch status as very related to the stigma and trauma of incest, but that entire angle goes unmentioned in your analysis, where witch just means “evil sexy manipulative woman.””

The angle of witch as tied to incest goes unmentioned in my analysis because I have not read enough sources that connect the two together to be able to confidently say there’s a connection. Of course, in RGU incest is a major theme and it influences Anthy’s “witch” status, and in the “I’m your little sister; you could not make me a princess” stage play the two are tied together, but in my essay I talked more about the preconceived notion of “witch” that the audience would bring with them to the show and then connect to Anthy, and less about the notion of “witch” created by the show itself. If the essay was more generally about the roles of Princess and Witch as portrayed in RGU, then I probably would have contrasted the Witch in RGU - where it is explicitly related to incest - with the Witch as seen in (pop)culture more widely. Again, this is a case where I don’t mention something not because I don’t think it exists, but simply because I did not talk about every single angle the topic could be discussed from. 

“I think Anthy’s possessiveness over Akio is massively overstated and the idea that she’s “showing off” her relationship with him to Utena makes me sick to my stomach.   when I was first watching the show, I definitely thought they were meaning to paint Anthy as possessive over him, but if you pay attention, who actually acts out possessively over their sibling? isn’t it Akio? that’s not to say that Anthy doesn’t have any possessiveness (I have an essay I’ve been working on about that), but I think that even the framing of Anthy as the ultra possessive one is another example of scapegoating--she takes the blame for all the faults of the prince.”

Maybe you’re talking about a general attitude you’ve seen in the fandom, but given that it’s a reply to my analysis specifically, I really don’t appreciate how you seem to be putting words in my mouth. “The framing of Anthy as the ultra possessive one”? When I bring up Anthy’s possessiveness, I immediately downplay it, specifically because I did not want anyone to think I was overemphasising that part of her. You yourself imply that you think Anthy has “some possessiveness”, so I don’t understand why you take my very restrained mention of it as “massively overstating” the case. 

I also resent the wording of “the ultra possessive one”, as if my mentioning her possessiveness carries with it the implication that Akio’s less guilty in this regard. Again, just because I didn’t talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t think it exists.

“As Anthy stares across at Utena, she is in pain. she’s telling her, here I am, I’m a witch, this is the real me--but I don’t see it as Anthy “reveling in portraying herself as a villain.” Anthy according to Enokido and Ikuhara is a “symbol of reality.” so she is showing Utena the reality of Akio, Akio’s relationship to herself, and Akio’s relationship to Utena.”

Yes, Anthy reveals to Utena the reality of her relationship with Akio, with all that implies. There is nothing actually evil about being sexually abused by one’s brother, but within the confines of the unfair princess/witch or madonna/whore dichotomy, it does bring her into the villainous witch/whore role. You know, because those roles are unfair, and condemn actions that aren’t actually wrong. I thought that was a given before, but maybe I should state it clearly.

Also, when I talked about Anthy “almost reveling” in portraying herself as the villain, I wasn’t actually referring to the reveal in ep36 itself, but rather to her behaviour afterwards (the next ep preview, breakfast, post-date scene, etc)

“What about Utena’s role in all of this? in that preview clip where Anthy says she’s always hated Utena, Utena says “I just can’t forgive what you’ve done.” well, is that what happens in episode 37?” 

I don’t really see your point here? Yes, Utena’s words were untrue? 

“Is Utena painting herself as a villain by saying she can’t forgive Anthy?”

No, in fact I think she’s painting herself as the victim. I guess this is a matter of subtle differences in interpretation, but I see the phrases “I can’t forgive what you’ve done” and “I’ve always hated you” as carrying very different emotional implications. The first is technically a neutral statement of one’s feelings, but the tone is accusatory, and I hear in it an implied “what you’ve done to me”. The latter would come across as antagonistic even on its own, but with the added context I do perceive it as Anthy painting herself as the villain. The fact that she’s acted friendly towards Utena until this point comes together with this statement to imply that she’s been lying to Utena, which has obvious connotation to the literary/cultural role of “villain”.

Again, it sounds to me like you misinterpret my words. I don’t think Anthy is “THE villain” in her relationship with Akio, and I don’t think I ever implied that. In fact, neither the original essay nor my initial response were actually about her relationship with Akio, and they didn’t aim to comment on who was the more possessive one, or the abusive one, or the villainous one. If they were about Anthy’s relationship to anyone, it was to Utena. Though really, that wasn’t the main topic either - the topic was the ways Anthy is characterised to the viewer through referencing fictional tropes/archetypes, and the ways in which she behaves towards Utena were part of that because Utena is the audience surrogate for a good chunk of the show. 

You say that you feel as if my reply “flattens” and “waters down” the complexities of Utena and Anthy’s relationship, but it was not meant as an exploration of every single aspect of that relationship, just a very narrow and specific part of it.

Lastly, I hope this post wasn’t actually about me - since, like I said, I never characterised Anthy as “dominant and somehow the abuser” in her and Akio’s relationship. I didn’t write anything like that in either my essay from last year or my response to the first comment. Maybe the post is just about a general experience with the western fandom, the timing of it just makes me a bit suspicious.

[empty-movement]

The Comet and the Stars

CW/TW: Discussion of sexual assault, emotional abuse, events of episode 33, incest, um...everything? Look, it’s about Akio. :(

I discovered a comet earlier. It’s new. No one else knows about it yet. But I won’t tell anyone else about it. I won’t even name it. It’s amazing… The feeling of discovering a new heavenly body. You feel as though doing that makes it your property. But what’s in the heavens is in the heavens. It belongs to no one. ...It belongs to no one...

Goodnight, big brother.

Must you still torment me?

For twenty years, this scene has driven me nuts, and taking my cue from the man himself, I've just ignored it. The gist is obvious enough: Akio is gloating about seducing Utena and it backfires on him, but any dramatic weight or potential for analysis has been eclipsed for me by an unforgivable sin. In all previous translations, Akio uses ‘comet’ and ‘star’ interchangeably.

This is absurd coming from someone who, according to Ikuhara, probably teaches astronomy in the university. It also breaks the comparison he's making. I brought this up with our translation buddy at Nozomi, not asking him to fix it but more bemoaning my fate. After all, Akio does clearly use two different words…

It turns out that I didn't give enough credit, either to Akio or to Enokido, who wrote the episode, on why it’s worded this way. Though Akio begins by saying suisei, which is explicitly the word for comet, he continues into his little speech using hoshi. The latter is generally translated as ‘star’, but is actually not specific beyond ‘celestial body.’ (Had I been a Sailor Moon fan, I would have known this, as hoshi is used to refer to planets in it, apparently.)

As close as I can get to the experience after twenty years, this is like me getting to analyze a piece of Utena for the first time. It was a fascinating look at something I knew I wanted to explore, but couldn't, because it was broken. It’s fixed now. And I am digging in, because I’m Akio trash, toxic relationship trash, space trash, and analysis trash. (And also, this was homework/research for the Akio fic I wrote for the upcoming Utena Future Zine.)

This scene immediately follows episode 33, The Prince Who Runs In the Night, which ended with Utena and Akio having sex in a hotel room, an event framed by Akio and Anthy as ‘delivering roses’, and alluded to by Akio as ‘beautiful stars.’

Here, at the beginning of episode 34, The Rose Seal, having just had sex with his sister, Akio is in the mood to gloat. He begins to describe having found a new comet. This seems...unlikely. You’ve never seen Akio use a telescope. The entirety of his exploration of space is contained within a planetarium, a representation of the night sky, beholden to the accuracy bestowed by its creator. It’s incapable of letting him ‘find’ anything. Of course, that’s not a flaw. It’s a feature. Akio is choosing where the stars shine, even if outside of his world, this would not be up to him.

The stars are a metaphor, both in the context of the series, and Akio’s own use of them in conversation: the heavenly bodies he discusses are the people he controls. Everything Akio has said relating to the stars or the mythology surrounding them is ultimately about someone in the story, and there is always a contextual clue to indicate this. 

Later, he will go on to say “Actually, I have no interest whatsoever in the stars.” You can take this as him rejecting his own framing device, or you can take him as using the metaphor still: he doesn’t care about people at all. I think it's both. He never shows an interest in space that isn’t clearly bound up in its comparison to people, and he shows somehow even less regard for the people those stars represent. They’re at best playthings, and at worse, just a means to a repetitive, futile end.

It’s obvious that Utena’s the comet he has discovered, that no one else knows about. This is an unsubtle reference to ‘discovering’ Utena's virginity, and taking for himself the one piece of Utena that Anthy could not have ‘known about’ herself. Whether she wanted it or not is far less important than that it's something Akio was able to deny her. Right out of the gate, this is not nearly so much about his comet, as the person he's speaking to.

It is interesting though to consider if Akio is aware at all that Anthy's feelings for Utena could be romantic in nature. The choice of sex as a means to drive them apart does seem to speak to that, but it's also probably the move he'd make regardless of the nature of Utena and Anthy's relationship. Anthy's refusal to look at the ‘real’ stars Akio enjoys so much in the previous episode is framed rather like jealousy, but it's hard to say exactly for who or over what. Her reaction to this event is...complicated, despite her complicity implied by her assistance in “delivering the roses.” This is an especially eerie way to reference Akio's sleeping with Utena, given the bouquet, red and white roses mixed, follows them to the hotel room, sits on a chair, and is eventually is set in a vase. After all, the destination is already there. A similar bouquet is delivered to Akio’s office way back in episode 15, when he is first alone with Utena, suggesting Anthy’s awareness and involvement in Utena’s fate, including this rape, has been there from the start.

Having established this as a discussion about Utena, he goes on to say he isn’t going to tell anybody about this new comet, nor is he going to give it a name. A secret thing that’s yours because you found it… is no small power trip, and if he were talking about a comet, one could certainly imagine a few precious moments where the possession can be savored before the pleasure of sharing your discovery takes over. There is certainly some of this in how it pertains to Utena, but more pointedly this is an act of aggression. And this, the fact that comets aren’t stars, is why the mistake in translation literally destroys beyond repair this entire bit.

Comets are temporary visitors in the night sky, they flash brilliantly but ultimately will only be there for a little while before going on their way along a much larger orbit. (Ruka is another comet, shown coming down in the window in episode 28, then departing in 29.) Stars, for all intents and purposes, are fixed bodies. Things that reliably stay where you expect them to. They aren’t going anywhere.* Akio is reminding Anthy that Utena, sweet as she is, is a temporary visitor in their sky. She may shine brighter than most, but her path will eventually lead her away. Don’t get too attached, Anthy, to a thing that will soon disappear.

To Akio, there’s no point naming her. He only concerns himself with what's in his domain, and if she’s going to leave it anyway, she can do so namelessly. This is exactly what happens: the students forget her, struggling to recall her name not long after her departure. By refusing to name this comet, he’s rejecting her in advance of needing to do so, anticipating her departure, and planning her erasure. I’m not going to name her, because she isn’t going to be part of our world.

He goes on to say how wonderful and fun it is to discover a comet and then keep it to himself. No one finds comets if they don’t look for them, and if they’re looking for them, they’re doing so out of passion for the hunt. But he’s talking about Utena, making it about how much pleasure he takes in the hunt of innocence, and its subsequent destruction. Though certainly no excuse for his actions, this seems to me like it would be a satisfying preoccupation for the fallen prince, denied his former glory by the endless, fatal demands innocent princesses placed on him. Ohtori Academy could be read, cynically, as an elaborate mockery of a fairy tale world that he has created just to play out this story, over and over.

But what’s in the heavens is in the heavens. Or more simply “A comet is a comet.” On some level, Captain Obvious is aware of the nature of the coffin he lives in. He makes reference to the world outside and is to some limited extent in communication with it. He knows within his sphere, time is arrested. He knows, I think at varying levels of conscious awareness, that the world he’s the ends of is not the entirety of the earth. In this comment, he extends the temporality of Utena’s presence to not just being true for Anthy, but him as well. Utena will leave, and who will be left? Just the two of them, still together under the same sky, though their comet is no longer in it.

The comet belonging to no one is an elaboration of this point, and probably the closest Akio inadvertently gets to a moment of genuine self-awareness. The discovery of a comet makes him feel like it’s his...but it’s not. It’s a comet, and it will leave the sky they live under regardless of what either of them does to it.

He repeats this line again. It gnaws at him, because it strays too close to the subject of his own limitations. This started as a threat that he can ruin this creature Anthy’s grown fond of, and as he expanded the point, it became tinged with reassurance that Utena is a passing fling for both of them. But Akio, in a hurry to absolve himself of any real culpability, ends up admitting, certainly by accident, that Utena isn’t a passing fling because that’s what he’d prefer. Akio won’t keep her because Akio can’t keep her.

On some level, he is aware that his control is not absolute. This comet that has appeared is not his to keep, and while he may budge its trajectory to his own ends, ultimately...he can’t force it to do anything. He can’t force anyone to do anything. He can trick, cajole, coax...but his perception of his own capacity to control the world around him does not line up accurately with reality, and he knows this. Deep down.

Because while illusions may belong to him, reality belongs to no one…

Anthy leaves when she does knowing he’s been made vulnerable by his own contemplation. Not only does she not care to offer any comfort, she is ignoring both his empty threat and his hollow reassurance. After all this peacocking, and the dark place he inadvertently led himself, she tells him by her passivity that, oops, sorry. She wasn’t listening.

Must you still torment me?

Yes. Because I don’t belong to you, either.

The give and take of love and resentment in Akio and Anthy’s relationship reaches levels of toxicity that would make Chernobyl blush. They dance constantly around their codependency, swiping at one another, and then soothing each other in turn. “No one will ever know you as well as I know you.” becomes both a reassurance and a threat on their lips.

It’s Akio that does all the talking, and one could assume that’s usually the case, but Anthy wins this round by doing the one thing more dangerous to Akio than anything else: she ignores him. Hating him is a glue that binds her to him, and his rubbing her face in what he’s done to their young comet smacks of an attempt to reinforce that attachment, negative thought it is. As long as she’s wrapped up in her hatred and resentment of him, she’s not going to be able to move on. Their hostility to one another is heavy with that awareness on both sides: they both know the ‘love’ the other has for them depends on that hatred, and neither really believes it could mean anything any other way. Neither dares invest in the idea that they could be genuinely loved for their own sake, so neither tries.

A fair bit of Akio’s dialogue in the climax of the series also seems geared to elicit contempt from Anthy, seeking this bitterness as a validation of her attachment. There’s a bit of lip service to the idea of them loving one another, but the form that takes is a hostile one, and it’s that hostility Akio is trying to drag from Anthy now. Anthy, knowing why he’s doing it and what he hopes to achieve, denies him...and enjoys it. After all, it’s how she swipes at him in turn, by reminding him that her veneer of compliance, her passivity as the Rose Bride, is a weapon she can aim just as readily at him. And he sees every day what it does to others, just as she’s made to watch what he does to their makeshift prince.

Akio’s seduction of Utena is a military action ending a cold war, and this scene is our first glimpse at what open hostility between these powers looks like. The Akio Arc and the Apocalypse Arc are not a distinction officially made by the series creators, but the presence of a ‘recap’ episode implies it, and the shift from one story arc to the next marks a gross change in the tone of Akio and Anthy’s relationship past any capacity either may have to salvage it. Akio is clearly aware what he has done angers Anthy, but he misjudges the severity of her reaction, having let himself be pretty much blind up to this moment to the distance Utena is putting between them.

But...why does he change terms? Why not just continue using the term that appropriately describes the subject? Well, I used to think this was done because it sounds better or something, and that certainly could be the case. However, it also creates a double entendre that isn’t exactly necessary to the point, but certainly enriches it. Hoshi is ‘celestial body’, hoshii, with the extended vowel, is ‘want.’ They do absolutely sound different in Japanese, however, they don’t sound so different that a Japanese speaker wouldn’t notice their similarity. Consider this:

I discovered something interesting earlier. It’s new. Something that no one else knows about yet. But I won’t tell anyone else about it. I won’t even name it. It’s amazing… The feeling of discovering something new to want. You feel as though doing that makes it your own. But...I want what I want. Though what I want belongs to no one.

Reworded to this, his speech doesn’t radically change in meaning. He’s still gloating about a thing he’s found and enjoyed, and he’s still eventually tripping over an awareness that he can’t keep it. The flavor of it changes though, it sounds far more world-weary, like someone aware of how infrequently a new thing to interest them comes along. That novelty is rare, and Akio, selfish creature that he is, would make it belong to him if he could. He can’t, though...and why is that?

Perhaps he’s aware that the very act of possessing this comet ruins what he likes about it. Under any condition where Utena becomes his possession, she stops being the innocent, spirited little prince he’s having such fun playing with. He knows possessing her would destroy what he enjoyed in the first place. This is a conundrum he shares with his ‘competitor,’ Touga. This interest, this distraction, is one that is entirely impossible for Akio to keep. It will elude him, and the satisfaction he feels at the destruction of a noble thing will be fleeting, leaving him only with the wreckage of Anthy’s anger, and none of the pleasure he feels now.

This is absolutely not to say I think Akio is remotely in love with Utena. I actually kind of had a hard time typing that sentence even. He enjoys the pursuit, perhaps, but more importantly, Akio lives to bring others down to his level. If everyone else turns out to be total garbage, it validates his decision to take the easy way out. To be garbage himself. Utena interests and pleases him so because she has that much farther to fall, and he appears, against his better interests given Anthy’s reaction, compelled to push her. But if Dios’ fundamental ambition was to save others, it seems reasonable to assume Akio’s is the opposite--he’s compelled to destroy what innocence crosses his path, and whether that is out of the programming inflicted on him by his very nature as a living archetype, or whether that’s a retaliation against others for the wounds he perceives have been inflicted on him and what’s his, meaning Anthy...I suppose depends on your reading of what exactly he and Anthy are. The former has been used in the past to frame Akio as unable to help himself any more than Dios does. I’ve never really liked that reading, because it removes the burden of responsibility he has for his actions by removing his agency in deciding what he does or doesn’t do. That just feels cheap to me, utterly out of line with the richness and complexity to be found literally everywhere in the series.

I think the world Akio and Anthy inhabit, that they’ve created for themselves, is such a dark place because both of them feel most comfortable there. Akio lashes out madly in hostility toward literally everyone that crosses his path, and though it is smoothed over and made attractive by his methods, the fact remains that Akio structures everything around him to service this ambition. He misleads, hurts, and ruins others, and does so with the point of view that he has a right to this. (‘Foolish mortal’ is translated this way because the word he uses, ikimono, literally implies like...minimal sentience.) The vengeance he takes on the world seems almost an addiction at this point, one he indulges to his own detriment as Anthy’s approval shifts from irritation to far beyond tolerance.  

This moment of reflection, where he admits, albeit briefly, that the toys he plays with aren’t his own, is one of very few moments in the series where you could even attempt to read his behavior as self-aware or something he struggles with. It suggests on some level Akio is aware that the world at large buzzes about without him, and that his petty tortures are ultimately meaningless, either as a means to real satisfaction, or as revenge for a wrong as great as the one inflicted on him. People are not his in the end, and they are capable of walking away from a garden he cannot. This is an interesting insight for him to have at the beginning of such open hostilities between him and his sister. What has been obvious to us as viewers for a very long time is starting, maybe, to sink through to him: Anthy is capable of leaving him.  Not threatening. Not using the distance as a bludgeon...but actually leaving.

If Akio could be capable of regret for his actions, this would be a moment for him to be so. He begins by gloating, but ends this dialogue aware that something went wrong with this particular ‘discovery’...and his greed for its destruction, his selfishness, and his resentment toward all things innocent and pure are all little satellites orbiting what I think is the biggest insight Akio risks having here. Akio is not entirely sure what he just did to this girl will be without consequences. That he might have gone a bit too far, a bit too late, and left himself with an Anthy he can’t be nearly so sure of anymore.

The open hostility between the siblings from this point forward stems from that spiraling trust he has in his grip on what, so far as he believes, sustains him. The game played now aims as much to sever Anthy from her attachment to this little creature as it does to creating a prince out of her. Akio is starting to be afraid.

Thanks for reading, if your crazy ass got this far! I know Akio isn’t exactly the hot topic everyone loves to talk about, but I find him uniquely compelling for all the reasons we don’t want to talk about him, and if any of this was interesting to you, I’ll be glad of it! :D As always, any feedback or whathaveyou is welcome. If you need some seriousness bleach, here, have a stupid picture:

PS. Happy birthday, Akio! Sorry about the long essay totally ripping into your weaknesses and calling you a scared little man.

* Akio pointing out Venus (‘the morning star’) as a comparison to himself earlier in the series is especially rich given this entire framing device. Venus, like the other planets, masquerades as a star, and you can’t really tell the difference without a telescope. However, unlike the fixed stars, it moves about freely in the night sky, appearing to be one thing while behaving in another way. Just as Akio appears to be the Trustee Chairman of the Board, but moves about across his sky as Ends of the World. Just as he appears one of us, he is something altogether different, and altogether closer than we realize.

[junkobears]

i cant help but notice you're an utena fan. because i only recently (like two weeks ago) was thrown into utena hell, do you mind me asking who your faves are? and also, any characters you dislike? and anything else about utena in general?

I can’t believe it’s a Not-DR related Ask! A once in a blue moon event! 

I absolutely adore Utena, it was (weirdly) my baby’s First Proper Weeb-Teen Anime, and my favourite characters are by far Nanami and Anthy! I haven’t watched in a while though so apologies if these opinions seem rusty.

Nanami: I just really love the bitchy ojou-archetype characters, and I think she’s by far one of the best ‘comic relief’ characters I’ve ever seen in anything, I love every single one of her focused episodes. Especially the cowbell and egg ones. And I really appreciate that she is still given depth and they explore why she has her brother complex and wacky tendencies, and that her arc is eventually about realizing how to move on beyond him, and seeing how fucked up the whole situation around him (and by extension Anthy/Akio who she witnesses) is. It’s very interesting that by the end of it she’s the viewpoint character we experience the endgame reveals through.

Anthy: I think she’s just completely fascinating and a very multi-layered character. It’s really interesting that she serves as both a Rorschach Test for how other characters view her (and by extension their views on women in general), and yet still has her own character beyond that. That can be completely contradictory, in that she is very much a victim, and is being abused regularly by her brother/the duellists, but also is complicit in Akio’s schemes. I find it very touching that the entire journey of the series is really about Anthy realizing that she truly can leave her abusive brother and the confining, sexist world of Ohtori just like that, and she can find happiness in herself and elsewhere (i.e with Utena). The last scene with her is one of my favourite endings ever. There’s so much to Anthy I feel I haven’t done her justice in this lil’ write-up at all, haha. She’s really good!

I only really dislike Akio/Touga/Saionji I guess? I appreciate their characters and their roles in deconstructing the fairytale prince tropes, and their misogyny/role in propagating the sexist system of Ohtori/Life In General, but they’re just so uncomfortable and unappealing to watch, haha. Makes my skin crawl. Saionji is weirdly the most sympathetic one out of the bunch… but even then, still a fucking asshole. I just don’t Care About Them. Every other character I like and appreciate at the very least. Even the Black Rose Duellists, I honestly really love that arc even if it feels very irrelevant to the over-arching plot. It was nice seeing the side-characters get a moment in the spotlight to examine their issues and how it plays into the wider tropes/themes Utena is deconstructing.

I feel like I should do a rewatch honestly at this point haha. Hard to write out all my opinions on the series in one tumblr post honestly! I truly do love it though, it’s very dear to my heart. That includes the movie, even though its absolutely bonkers and some changes I find… exceedingly questionable. Feel free to send me your thoughts about the series though! I’m always interested to hear! 

[bonni]

for utena: 📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them! 🍀 do you have any comfort characters from your hyperfixation?

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

i watched penguindrum and i loved it, so i decided to check out ikuhara’s other stuff. i know it’s usually the other way around but... it wasn’t for me! i think it’s probably a good thing i started with penguindrum though because apparently a lot of utena fans were really disappointed in penguindrum just because it’s so different.

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

symbolism, babe!! tbh half of the fun of utena is reading meta about it after the fact. there is just so fucking much to dissect, and i love it. plus i love the statements it makes about gender and abuse. also, i don’t love all of the random side character stories, but some of them were SO important to me. i first watched the series when i was only 14, and i think the stuff with utena, anthy, and akio was too much for me to really grasp while i was still dealing with my own abuse. in fact, as a 14 year old who was sleeping with adults, i didn’t even really register utena and akio’s relationship as pedophilic. for that part of the series to really strike a chord with me, i had to rewatch it at 16. BUT that doesn’t mean i didn’t get anything out of the series the first time i watched it; the characters of juri and kozue were an enormous source of comfort for me, as someone who was 1) dealing with unrequited love for my female best friend and 2) sleeping around for attention while also feeling unable to form close romantic bonds, it kind of makes sense why they were (and still are) very important to my identity. i think it says a lot about the complexity of the series that i could basically miss the entire point of the main storyline and still find incredible comfort and meaning in the side stories of two minor characters.

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

the ending. i think utena has one of the best endings of any series, ever. there are a lot of people who can explain its gravity a lot better than i could, but basically... ikuhara could have written an ending where utena saved anthy, and the series still would have been amazing. but instead, he went even further with it, and he wrote an ending where utena inspires anthy to save herself. the incredible power of that final moment, of anthy choosing to walk away from ohtori... just thinking about it is making me tear up a bit.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

honestly i’m gonna get shit on for this but i really fucking like saionji, mainly because he is so goddamn funny. ofc i also acknowledge that he’s an abusive dick and i understand why people hate him but he fucking cracks me up.

in a more serious vein though... utena is my favorite character. i identify with her so much (without actually kinning her? idk, i think of her as more of an incredibly relatable fave, or a comfort character) between her struggles with compulsory heterosexuality and her experiences with abuse/rape greatly resembling my own. while juri and kozue were super important to me as a jaded and depressed 14-year-old, utena has been more important to me in recovery; she makes me feel like i can be strong despite everything i’ve been through.

🍀 do you have any comfort characters from your hyperfixation?

utena, as i mentioned above. also, because i kin juri and kozue, i like shiori and miki a lot since i’ve sort of projected them on to people in my life.

[syrupwit]

Dear Yuletide Writer Letter 2017

Dear Yuletide Writer,

Thank you very much for writing for me! This is my first-ever year signing up for Yuletide, and -- while I’m not up on all the etiquette and may make mistakes -- I am quite excited. I’m sure I will love whatever you write.  

Although some of the sections below are longer than others, please note that I don’t have a preference between requested fandoms and would be super happy to receive work for any of them. I just write a lot sometimes. (But usually not when I need to, of course.)

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General Likes: Many things. In convenient list format...

Gen, femslash, slash, and het

Genres: humor, horror, slice-of-life, ghost stories, romantic comedy, casefic, action/adventure, angst, crack treated seriously

Atmospheric stuff where nothing really happens but you sure get an image or a mood

Intense relationships between women, whether they’re romantic or not

Surreality and silliness

Appetizing descriptions of food

Loyalty kink, especially where a more powerful or physically stronger character is loyal to a weaker character

Characters standing up for each other

Characters who are socially disliked, awkward, or shunned but secretly really good at something

Cats

General DNW: Permanent major character death; graphic depictions of violence, torture, or gore; rape/noncon; onscreen child abuse; onscreen harm to animals. I’m also generally not a fan of stories that focus heavily on characters’ experiences with social issues or identity. 

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Fandom: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Characters: Justine Florbelle, Daniel of Mayfair

Likes/Prompts: Amnesia became my favorite new canon this year. I’m currently on my third playthrough of The Dark Descent and have completed the Justine DLC too many times to count -- though I still haven’t managed to save the last guy, darn it. Things about these canons that I adore include the morally conflicted protagonists, atmosphere of imminent doom and lingering anxiety, Lovecraft-influenced but not strictly Lovecraftian horror themes, mechanics that balance the player character’s essential helplessness with rewards for ingenuity, and the fact that you can throw stuff. And stack stuff! I LOVE throwing and stacking stuff. I... haven’t played a lot of first-person video games.

While I am interested in stories that include both Daniel and Justine, I’d be happy with a story that only focuses on one of them.

Justine fascinates me -- the contrast between her cruelty and caprice on the one hand, and her physical (and, to an extent, social/legal and emotional) vulnerability on the other. She’s also really creepy and into some weird shit. I’m not usually interested in sociopathic villains, but something about her character just hits my buttons. 

For solo Justine scenarios, I’d enjoy anything about her escapades in polite society (the ball! the irony! Justine loves irony), interactions with Clarice (how much does she suspect?), or initial meetings with the prisoners. Also, how is her poetry received among her peers? Delving more into the history and development of the Cabinet of Perturbation would be cool too.

Daniel is likewise a fascinating character. During my second playthrough, I was impressed with the slow reveal of his descent into metaphorical and literal darkness. Fear makes people scary, or something. I was also pretty into his relationship with Alexander, all the layers of manipulation and betrayal mixed with genuine connection. (For the record, I totally ship them.)

For solo Daniel scenarios, I’d like to see more about his early days at Brennenburg, interactions with the outside world post-game, and a reunion with his sister Hazel. If you want to pair him with Alexander either romantically or platonically, that’s great. Agrippa, too. I’m honestly interested in Daniel interacting with any character, if you have an idea. 

For the combination of Daniel and Justine, I’m interested in either gen or het, set around the time of either game. I feel like they’d make a great pair, for certain values of great. The Unopened Letter found in the water dungeon in Justine also seems to hint at the possibility of a meeting between Daniel and Justine. 

As an adult, Justine is experienced at manipulating people, would easily ferret out Daniel’s fears and how to play on them, and could be intrigued by his experiences with the supernatural. Perhaps, in an AU where Monsieur Florbelle answers Daniel’s letter, a child Justine would see a kindred soul in one who’s also been in contact with the artifacts. In a universe where the letter stays unopened until Justine’s day of subterranean exercise, maybe adult Justine invites Daniel to visit with the intention of adding him to her Cabinet, or tries to court him as a momentary amusement and finds it more challenging that she expected.  

For his part, Daniel has already spent a lot of time escaping dungeons and being manipulated by Alexander -- adult Justine’s flavor of betrayal would not be that shocking. There’s also his relationship with his sister Hazel and guilt over the girl he murdered, which could soften him towards a young or orphaned Justine. If it’s after the events of The Dark Descent, what choices did Daniel make? Did he favor taking revenge on Alexander over helping Agrippa? Is he guilty, guilt-free, still racked with nightmares, sound of mind? If Weyer rewarded him for saving Agrippa, has he spent time in the other world? The age difference could even be handwaved if Weyer sort of miscalculated when he was sending Daniel back to our world by 19 years. 

Fandom-Specific DNW: Please, no romance between Daniel/Justine when she is underage.

Notes: While it is my understanding that some regard the relationship between Justine and her father to have been one where she attempted to seduce him, I do not agree with that interpretation and would prefer not to receive stories that subscribe to it. It seems much more likely to me that her father abused or at least behaved inappropriately towards her.

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Fandom: Pocket Mirror (Video Game)

Characters: Lisette (Pocket Mirror)

Likes/Prompts: What distinguished this game to me, made it stick in my mind, and kept me playing was the atmosphere. Fleta’s bright and well-ordered domain with hints of lurid nastiness underneath, Harpae’s drafty wooden corridors with their creaking floors and distant lights, Lisette’s total abandonment of any reasonable organization whatsoever: I love it. Which brings me to...

Lisette! Poor Lisette. She gets blamed for everything, doesn’t she? She’s mean and destructive because no one else will let themselves be, and hates herself for it. (Or...? I’m also interested in alternate character interpretations, if you have different ideas.) I would like to see her have a nice time.

I’m not super attached to any of the canon endings, so if you want to go an AU route, please feel free. That includes canon divergence AUs as well as AUs where they’re all sort of... I don’t know, neighbors in the real world? Except one of them lives in a mirror maze populated by her evil shadow selves, and maybe they’re all witches.

Femslash, gen, or unusually clingy/possessive/intense friendship with romantic undertones are all of interest to me for this canon. I’m particularly interested by Goldia/Lisette, Fleta/Goldia, and Harpae/Lisette.

Prompts:

Lisette receives a new dress. Who made it?

Lisette expects to be alone on Christmas, but is proven wrong.

Harpae has had enough of Lisette’s tormenting Fleta.

Goldia is in trouble in the real world and only Lisette can save her.

The girls pay visits to each others’ domains.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica AU

DNW: No explicit sexual content for this fandom, please.

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Fandom: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena

Characters: Kiryuu Nanami, Arisugawa Juri, Shinohara Wakaba, Himemiya Anthy

Likes/Prompts: I’ve been told that RGU is considered “the Evangelion of shoujo anime,” and I feel like that’s... accurate? Anyway, I love it to bits -- stock footage, surfing elephants, and all. I also love the movie and have a bunch of theories about its relation to the series, which I will spare you at this time.

For this exchange, I’ve requested fic about Nanami, Juri, Wakaba, and Anthy. I’d be happy to read about these characters all together, on their own, or in any combination. Gen, femslash, het, and slash are all welcome, as are stories set before, during, or after the series.

While there’s much to be said about the grand sweeping themes in Revolutionary Girl Utena, what won the series my heart is how goddamn weird it is. The Nanami filler episodes, for example, were among my favorite parts of the show. I’m interested in exploring more of that weirdness.

Possibly in this spirit, I’ve come up with a long and eclectic mix of prompts. These are just here in hopes they might give you an idea, if you’d like one.

Prompts:

Nanami goes to space to try to replace one of the stars with herself.

“A Christmas Carol,” starring Nanami.

Touga’s kitten survived... and now it’s back for revenge! Nanami is being blackmailed by a cat.

Nanami spends the night in a strange house, trying to convince herself it isn’t haunted. Anthy orchestrates small events to make her think that it is.

Anthy and Nanami are rivals at magic school.

Juri becomes a world-champion bowler.

Among the incoming freshman class, rumors spread that Juri is a vampire. In attempting to dispel them, she encounters some obstacles.

Juri and Wakaba have a super-torrid romance as adults.

Wakaba dreams of life as a Jeep.

Wakaba has an identity crisis and joins many different student clubs.

Wakaba and Anthy share a rare moment of understanding over their mutual difficulties with cooking.

Anthy embarks on a side career as a barista.

Anthy arranges for Utena to fight a dragon.

Between dueling cycles, Anthy is permitted one day off from being the Rose Bride. How does she choose to spend it? 

Fandom-Specific DNW:  No onscreen incest, please.