#the answer is yes and I will get worse
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Smol fanart because I love the designs of this AU so much !
Royalty au belongs to @neonross
I've also been making more Royal Nyxie sketches because brainrot of course but
My silly
She's so smol compared to her collegue lmao
#welcome home#welcomehome#welcome home art#julie welcome home#wally welcome home#fanart#welcome home au#wh royalty au#sketch#welcome home oc#nyxie my beloved#she's so smol#a smol menace#alright i'm gonna go back to my corner to doodle#i've been turning every single one of my friends wh ocs into royal versions#i love this au and I'm making it everyone's problem#do i have a problem?#the answer is yes and I will get worse
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Anything
Trigger warning: discussions of death. Not a main character, but it does happen. Lots of angst. Lots of hurt/comfort. I’ll post it in the tags as well.
Steve has a problem.
It’s not a big problem, not really, but his brain won’t let it go and is making it a bigger deal than it really is.
Eddie won’t ride in his car alone.
With the kids, sure; he’ll practically dive into the backseat, noogie Dustin, generally make a nuisance of himself.
But if it’s just the two of them? If Steve insists on driving, Eddie will take his van. There’s no problem if Steve wants to ride with Eddie. But the other way around? Eddie riding with Steve? That doesn’t happen. And Steve has no idea why.
“Talk to him, Dingus,” is Robin’s advice. He’d flip her off, but unfortunately he thinks she’s right: this is something they’re gonna have to talk through.
So Steve pulls on his big-boy pants and marches himself to the Munsons’ trailer, knocking on the door and waiting expectantly.
He doesn’t expect Wayne, but maybe he should’ve, because that’s who answers the door. “Hi, Steve. You’re here for Eddie, I bet, he’ll be in his room.” He moves aside to let Steve in, and Steve thanks him after a second before moving down the hall to Eddie’s room.
He hears him before he sees him; or, more accurately, he hears his guitar. He’s playing the acoustic tonight, instead of his usual sweetheart, so Steve knocks instead of walking in like he’d usually do.
The guitar stops, and Steve hears it being put down, hears a heavy sigh. “Wayne, I’m not really in the- oh.” He opens the door as he speaks and blinks at Steve. After a second, he smiles. “Hey, man, c’mon in.”
Steve blinks. “Uh. Are you okay?”
Eddie purses his lips. “Define okay. I’m not currently being eaten by bats, y’know? But playing the acoustic always reminds me of my Ma.”
“Ah.” Steve shifts. “Sorry, man. Maybe I should come back later.”
Eddie shrugs. “You’re here now, aren’t you? I can’t be that terrible company.”
Steve snorts. “No, I just… I had a question, but it can wait.”
Eddie tilts his head. “You do that a lot, y’know?” He turns, sits on his bed. Motions Steve into his room.
Steve sits next to him, more comfortable here than in his own room. “Do what?”
“Put yourself last.” He shrugs. “You can ask me. If I don’t wanna answer, I won’t.”
Steve scrunches his nose. “Okay, fine. Why won’t you ride in my car?”
Eddie frowns. “I do, though? Hell, I did what, two days ago? You, me and Dustin went to that comic store in Indy.”
“Okay, let me rephrase. Why won’t you ride passenger in my car, alone? Without any of the kids? And even two days ago you were in the backseat with Dustin.” He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal, I’m just curious.”
Eddie takes a breath. “No, it’s- yeah. You should know.” He clears his throat, grabs the acoustic again. Plays a riff of some sort, fingers dancing over the frets. “I think I feel like I have to save everyone. Or at least be in a position where I can save them, if the need arises.” He swallows, takes another breath. His fingers still. They tremble over the strings. “Did I ever tell you how my ma died?”
Now it’s Steve’s turn to inhale sharply. He shakes his head. “We can stop,” he says. “You don’t have to tell me.”
Eddie smiles ruefully. “I do, though.” He shakes his head. “I was… I was six. It was three days before my seventh birthday. We were driving home from the city. Ma was drivin’, an’ she let me sit in the front seat, since it was almost my birthday. Or- that’s what she said. I think it was so we couldn’t stop her. Couldn’t save her.” He swallows. His eyes are glassy. His accent is thick, the way it gets when he’s thinking about her, or when he’s emotional. His left hand grips the neck of the guitar tightly. Steve worries for his fingers. “We weren’t goin’ that fast, even, but forty’s enough when-” he shakes his head, looks away. Coughs out something that wanted to be a sob. Steve takes the guitar, takes Eddie’s hand. Puts the guitar down. Doesn’t let go of Eddie. “She unbuckled her belt. Dad didn’t see it. I did. Didn’t say anythin’. Maybe I should’ve, I dunno.” He squeezes Steve’s hand. “Then it all happened so fast… she smiled at me, an’ opened her door, an’ next thing I knew-” he wipes at tears on his cheeks. “D’you know what happens to a human head under the wheel of a car at forty miles an hour?”
Steve gasps, grips Eddie’s hand just as tightly. Pulls Eddie in when he begins to shake. “An’ I know why, now,” he whispers. “Dad weren’t good to her. I’unno what he done t’her. I know she did what she could. But I was there. I was right there.” He sniffles, trembles with the effort of keeping his sobs in. Somehow succeeds. “So that’s why. Figure if a kid were to try… I could stop ‘em. Figure if you were to try…”
“You could stop me.” Steve holds him tight. “I won’t,” he whispers. “I swear to you, I won’t.”
“I know,” Eddie whispers back. “But I gotta be able to try.”
“Christ, Eds,” Steve whispers. “I was gonna ask if you’re okay but that’s a stupid question.”
Eddie giggles, still teary-eyed. “Just a little bit.”
Steve pulls away to look him in the eye. “I’m staying tonight, okay? Nightmares are always worse after something like this.”
“Then you should go home,” Eddie argues. “Sleep while you can.”
“Nightmares are always easier with someone else.”
“Damn you, that’s true.” They both laugh a little.
Just then, Wayne comes in with two steaming mugs. “Listen to your boy, son,” he says to Eddie, handing over one of the mugs. He gives Steve the other with a wink. “Lavender tea with a shit ton of honey. Learned it from my ma.”
“Not my boy, Wayne,” Eddie grumbles, but thanks him for the tea anyways.
Steve thanks him too, and he winks again before leaving. Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’d apologize for him, but you’d just defend him.”
“Hey, I like Wayne.”
“I know. Sometimes I think you like him more than you like me.”
Steve chuckles. “Never. You’re my favorite.” He moves so they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder, drinking their tea, leaning against each other. It’s peaceful, and soon enough Eddie’s yawning and dropping his head onto Steve’s shoulder. “Imma pass out soon.”
“Then let’s get you up to brush your teeth before you do.”
Eddie groans like the toddler he secretly is. “I don’t wanna.”
“Yeah, and you don’t wanna go to the dentist to get teeth pulled, either, now do you?”
“Shuddup.”
“Wow. Real master of words here. Really feeling that Dungeon Master power.”
Eddie thumps his arm, but snickers, and really that’s what Steve was going for in the first place, so he just smiles and leads Eddie to the bathroom.
Soon enough they’re in bed, tucked in next to each other, not quite packed like sardines and it’s only because of the heat outside that Steve isn’t more upset not to have more of a reason to touch Eddie. “Night, Eds,” he murmurs, smiling when Eddie rolls over to face him and is temporarily blinded by his own hair. Steve helps move his hair, grabs at Eddie’s hand when he’s done. “Wake me up if the nightmare doesn’t, okay?”
“C’mon, Steve, I can deal with them-”
“I know you can,” Steve answers. “But I want to be up if you are. I want to help if I can. Please, Eddie?”
Eddie sighs after a second. “Damn you,” he says, “I can’t say no to you.” He’s smiling, despite his words, so Steve smiles back.
“Thank you.”
“G’night, Stevie.”
“Night, Eds.”
Steve wakes up to Eddie crying out in his sleep. Even with his eyes closed, he’s got tears streaming down his cheeks. Steve sits up, turns on the lamp, and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Eddie?”
He rolls over, away from Steve, and continues sobbing. “Eds? Are you awake?” No answer, so Steve puts his hand back on Eddie’s shoulder and shakes a little. “Eddie, wake up!”
He’s up with an aborted yell and a flail of limbs, sitting up and staring into the darkness of his room, trembling. He sniffs and turns to face Steve, finally realizing he’s there, and Steve opens his arms for a hug.
He collapses into Steve’s arms, face mashed into the side of Steve’s neck, arms snaking around Steve’s torso to give an ineffectual tug. Steve takes the hint and inches closer until they’re practically hip-to-hip. “Y’wanna talk about it?” He asks. Eddie sniffs and shakes his head. “Y’want me to talk? To distract you?” Eddie nods. “Okay. Uh… I may have bitten myself in the butt with this one, ‘cause I’m not a great storyteller, not like you are, but did you know we actually met in middle school?”
No answer. “We did. Hawkins Middle was putting on its annual talent show. Now, back then, I was nobody. No one knew me, my name, my parents… nothing. I had one friend named Tommy, who I’d grown up with. Of course, you know him, and you know what happened between us, but he was my only friend back then. I didn’t tell anyone, but I signed up for the talent show. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to do something. I’ve always had a pretty decent voice, so I figured I could just sing, if I couldn’t figure out anything else to do. Knew I’d at least beat out Tammy Thompson.” He shifts so Eddie’s hair is no longer a choking hazard and pets his hand over Eddie’s head, doing his best to tame the wild curls. “So it’s the night of the talent show, right? And it feels like the whole school is there. I’m sitting backstage, peeking through the curtains, and am about to have my very first panic attack. Someone bumps into me and knocks me over. They tell me to watch where I’m going, even though I wasn’t moving. So now I’m on the ground, thinking about the crowd, and the noise is getting to be too much, and someone grabs my hand and it all… stops. Just like that. It’s silent, other than, like, a ringing sound in my ears. And this boy, the one who grabbed my hand, kneels in front of me, puts my hand on his chest-” Steve demonstrates, moving so he can grab Eddie’s hand and put it on his chest, just over his heart. “-and tells me to breathe with him. In, out. In, out. He raised his hand when we breathed in, and lowered it when we breathed out. In, out. In, out. And when my breathing’s calmed down, he tells me to name five things I can see. And you know what I said first?”
Eddie furrows his brows. “My… my hair?”
“Yup,” Steve nods. “But you’d just had it shaved off, so d’you know what I really saw first?”
“What?”
Steve giggles. “Your ears.”
Eddie groans and ducks his head, pressing his forehead into Steve’s chest. “Hated my ears.”
“I’m gonna say something that’s gonna sound mean, but is actually a compliment,” Steve warns him. “Your ears reminded me of Dumbo. I always loved that movie, the reminder that we don’t have to change who we are in order to be loved. That sometimes the things we hate most about ourselves, the things people tease us about the most, are actually the things that help us most, in the end.” He guides Eddie to lay down. “And I’m not saying your ears are what saved you. But I am saying they reminded me that everything, maybe, isn’t entirely hopeless.” He smiles, tucks Eddie’s hair behind his ear. Says, “I like your ears.”
Said ear burns red. “You’d be one of the few.”
“That’s okay.”
“What’s your thing? Your… ears?”
Steve hums. “Did you know I cried a lot as a kid? I was very emotional, very easily moved. My dad always hated it, so I learned to cover it up. But I think it’s what got me here in the end. I could’ve told Dustin I didn’t have time to help him, but I didn’t. I got roped into this whole mess, but it’s how I got to know him and the kids. It’s how I got to know Robin and you.”
Eddie smiles. “I’m glad you cried as a kid.”
Steve laughs. “Yeah. Me too.” He shifts, a little closer, a little more down the bed so their eyes are level. “D’you wanna talk about it?”
“There’s nothing I want less.”
“D’you think you can sleep?”
Eddie takes a breath. Steve feels the exhale over his cheek. “Maybe.”
“M’kay. Lemme know if you can’t.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
“Eddie.”
He giggles. “I’m kidding. I’ll let you know. I just… won’t stop talking at you until you answer.”
Steve hums, lets his eyes slip shut. “I’ll always answer.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says, so soft. It makes something warm unfurl in Steve’s chest. “I know you will.”
Steve reaches out, squeezes Eddie’s hand in answer. Lets sleep drag him down the way it’s wanted to since he lay back down.
He doesn’t think about the fact that their hands are still clasped.
He’s the first one up in the morning, and he’s a little annoyed by it because they’d shifted during the night, so Steve is no longer facing Eddie.
His annoyance lasts for all of two seconds before he realizes there’s a warm weight behind him and over his hip, and he figures out it’s because Eddie is behind him, arm over Steve’s hip, fingers curled against the little bit of skin visible from Steve’s shirt riding up during the night.
Steve smiles, sighs, and lets his eyes sink shut again.
He doesn’t sleep, just kind of drifts, so he feels it when Eddie wakes up. He feels him tense in a stretch, feels his forehead press against Steve’s spine, feels his fingers curl farther into Steve’s stomach.
He feels Eddie wake up fully and realize the position he’s in. Feels him hum, then stiffen, slowly pulling away. Steve aches about it, but doesn’t move until he’s out of bed completely, taking the time then to roll over as if he’d just woken up. “M’rn’n,” he mumbles, not exaggerating the sleep-rough in his voice at all.
“Mornin’,” Eddie yawns. “How’d you sleep?”
Steve hums, stretches, sits up. “Think I should be asking you that.”
Eddie smiles. “I slept fine. Now how about you?”
“No more nightmares?”
“Not at all. Think you chased ‘em all away.”
“Good.”
“Steve.”
“What?”
“How did you sleep?”
“Oh. Fine. Great.”
Eddie hums, but takes his word for it, offers his hand to help Steve up, which he accepts.
“Can I ask you something that I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna want to answer?”
Eddie grins crookedly. “You can ask me anything, Stevie. If I don’t wanna answer, I won’t.” He sits back on the bed, next to Steve. “What is it?”
“What was your dad like?”
Eddie blows out a breath, looks away. “Jesus, first thing in the morning, too. Uh… y’know how you said your dad is a grade-A asshole?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. Last I heard, he’s in the state prison for the next… five? Ten? Years. I dunno, don’t really keep track. Was just little things at first, petty theft, then he got an ego and started stealing cars, met a guy who could clean ‘em, and he just…” he shakes his head. “Wayne says he got too big for his britches. I say he got what was coming to him. He tried to rob someone and it… didn’t go well. He got caught, the owner tried to scare him off, swung first, but it doesn’t matter who swung first when he’s dead and my dad was trespassing, right? Tried to say it was self-defense, but…”
“But he was trespassing,” Steve nods.
“Exactly. He got twenty-five for that, and it’s been… twelve years? So I guess he’s got… thirteen left. Not five or ten. Guess it feels like he’s been gone that long.” He sighs. “I went to live with Wayne before that, though… I had a friend, he was my best friend, and my dad… really didn’t like how close we were. Spit out a couple’a slurs, said something about sending me to a camp.” Steve’s breath catches. “I called Wayne that night. Poor guy drove that night, was there by… one in the morning? Picked me up and I’ve never looked back.” He shrugs, picks at his comforter. “Turns out Dad was right about me, but Wayne’s never had an issue, so.” He shrugs. His fingers belie his nerves.
“I think, if I were to ever tell my dad,” Steve says quietly, “a camp would be the least of my issues.”
Eddie’s fingers still for a second before continuing, not fidgeting quite as quickly as before. “Yeah?”
“Mhm.”
“Then it’s a good thing you don’t have to tell him.”
“I think I do, though.”
“How so?”
“He’s got this… way. Of just proving himself right, every time. It’s why I haven’t left yet. He always finds a way to twist it around and show me I can’t make it on my own. Not on my Family Video salary.”
Eddie hums. “Maybe not on your own,” he admits. “But with a person or two? There’s Family Videos in other cities. Ask to transfer. Robin’s been making noise about heading to Indy, right?”
“I think she just wants out of Hawkins, and Indy is the only feasible place to her.”
“Very understandable. Where would you go, Steve? If you could go anywhere?”
Steve sighs. “That’s the problem, though. I can’t leave the kids.”
Eddie chuckles. “I should’ve known. Then why not find a place in between? Maybe on the edge of town?”
“We’re still both on a Family Video salary. I don’t think even combined we could afford anything.” Steve tilts his head. “You said a person or two. Who’s the other person?”
“Ah,” Eddie says. “Well, not to come between the platonic soulmates, but I’m sure Wayne would love to have his life back.”
Steve snorts. “Robin loves you almost as much as I do, Eds, of course you’re welcome.”
Eddie ignores that, for the sake of his own sanity. “Well,” he says instead. “Maybe it’s time to take a crack at those newspapers Wayne’s been hoarding.”
“Maybe it is,” Steve says, a strange sort of smile playing across his lips. “And I can ask people. You’d be surprised at the amount of gossip I hear at work.”
“Oh, I believe it, trust me. Or are you forgetting I use to hang around Sam Goody?”
“Oh, god,” Steve laughs, “I had forgotten that, yeah.” He sighs. “D’you think we would’ve been friends back then? If we’d known each other?”
“I don’t think so.” Eddie chews at his bottom lip. “Not because of you, but because of me. I was still stuck in that high school hierarchal shit, y’know? I would’ve seen you as an asshole jock even though you weren’t anymore.”
“I think I’m still working on it.”
“I think we’re all working on being who we want to be.” He stands and offers Steve a hand up with a grin. “And y’know what helps with that?”
Steve chuckles, places his hand in Eddie’s. “What’s that?”
“Pancakes,” he says decisively. “C’mon, let’s go bully Wayne into making us some.”
“And by bully, you mean ask once.”
Eddie hums. “Same difference.”
He waltzes into the living room, arms spread wide. “Sir Wayne! Our visiting prince has requested pancakes this fine morn.”
Wayne squints at him. “I’m your king, dipshit,” he says, lip quirked up in a smile as he winks at Steve. “Make your own damn pancakes.”
“Wayne!” Eddie cries. “Betrayal! Betrayal of the highest order!”
“You’ll live,” Wayne deadpans. Steve giggles.
Eddie narrows his eyes at Wayne. “Fine,” he says. “We will make our own. But there shall be no extra for you, sir!”
Following him to the kitchen, Steve says, “We’ll make extra.”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Wayne returns, “but I’d ‘preciate it.”
In the kitchen, Eddie sighs with his head halfway in a cabinet. “Okay, so we don’t have mix.”
“That’s okay,” Steve says. “I can make them from scratch.”
“Or,” Eddie says, turning to Steve with a grin. “We can go out.”
“We could,” Steve allows. “But then Wayne wouldn’t get any.”
Eddie hops backwards onto the counter and leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Y’know how I said we wouldn’t have been friends if we’d met earlier?”
“Yeah.”
“It really would’ve been entirely my fault.” He sighs. “You’re just… so nice. And it would’ve been unbelievable, for me, because the Munson Doctrine dictates that all jocks are assholes and stay jockish assholes. I think what happened… had to happen, if we were gonna be friends.”
Steve worries his lip. “Then… is it bad if I say I’m glad it happened? If only for that reason?”
“Only if I’m also glad it happened, for that reason,” Eddie responds quietly. “Y’know the only other person I’ve told about my ma is Jeff?”
“I’m…” he pauses, scrunching his nose. “I wanna say I’m honored, but that sounds weird.”
Eddie chuckles. “I know what you mean, Stevie.”
Steve nods, and they stay there for a minute, looking at each other, until Steve looks away with a sigh. “Alright,” he says, pancakes?”
Eddie gusts out a sigh. “Please.”
Steve chuckles and shoves the flour towards Eddie. “Here. Two cups.”
Eddie frowns. “Only?”
“For now. We can always make more later if we need to.”
Eddie shrugs, but nods at Steve, as if deferring to his expertise. “D’you have eggs?”
“Uh.” Eddie checks the fridge, then the cabinet. “No, but we’ve got Spam?”
Steve snorts. “That works. Wanna cut up a can and fry it?”
“Works for me.”
And so they work, side by side, until breakfast is ready and they’re all three eating side by side.
After, Wayne stretches in his seat, glances at the clock, and mutters something underneath his breath as he gets up. “Thanks for breakfast, boys. Steve, you gonna be here for dinner?”
“Uh,” Steve says, glancing at Eddie. “Unless Ed kicks me out.”
“Never,” Eddie swears.
“I’ll pick up burgers on my way back,” Wayne decides. “That work for you two?”
“Definitely,” Eddie nods.
“Sure. Thank you, Wayne.”
“Son,” Wayne starts, then shakes his head.
Steve gets the message: he belongs here. His cheeks burn. “Thanks, Wayne,” he murmurs.
Wayne ruffles his hair as he passes.
“So,” Eddie asks, once it’s just the two of them. “Any plans for the day?”
Steve makes a face. “I gotta work at two, but I’m free till then.”
Eddie snorts. “Lemme guess, you’re working alone?”
“Yeah.”
“Well not today!” Eddie says brightly. “Why don’t I come with?”
Steve blinks. “Because… why would you?”
“Cause you’re my friend, Stevie. I wanna hang out with you but I can’t do that if you’re at work and I’m here.”
Steve snickers. “I guess we can talk about moving in together. Tuesdays are always the slowest day of the week.”
“Yeah! Wayne’s got the papers around here somewhere.” He trails off, looking around, then bounds over to the TV with a triumphant, “Ha!” He reaches into the crate the TV’s sitting on and pulls out a stack of newspapers. “Okay, we don’t want anything from last year… beginning of this year might be too old…” he hesitates, looking at Steve. “Maybe since Spring Break? A lot of people moved out.”
Steve hums, moves closer. “Good point. There’s bound to be something on the edge of town.” He sighs as he sits next to Eddie. “The only problem is Robin doesn’t have a car, or even her license. And if I’m working here, and she’s trying to work in Indy, how’s she gonna get there?”
“Well,” Eddie begins, “who says you have to stay at Family Video? Why not stretch your wings out? Try something else? Indy’s a big city with lots of opportunity. How about this.” He shifts so he’s facing Steve. “If you could do anything in the world, work anywhere, what would you do? Where would you work?”
Steve fidgets with his pant leg as he thinks. “A bakery,” he decides softly.
Eddie stills for a moment. “I feel like I should’ve seen that coming. You’d be a great baker, Steve. Or if you want to just sell the baked goods, you’d be great at that, too. Hawkins is small enough we don’t have need for a bakery. Not when you can get everything you need at Melvald’s. But Indy’s big. I pass by two bakeries every time I head into the city.” He puts a hand on Steve’s knee. “Stay at Family Video for now. But when we move, you can apply to those places. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Steve nods. He can feel his cheeks heating up, feel the excitement coursing through his body. “You really think I could?”
“Steve.” Eddie sighs. “I think you are so much better than you see. I think you can do anything.”
“I dunno about anything.” Steve ducks his head as he blushes. “But, uh. Thank you.”
Eddie smiles. “For?”
Steve looks up at him. His breath catches, for a second, at the look in Eddie’s eyes. He looks away with a shrug even as his cheeks heat up. “Believing in me, I guess.”
“Anything,” Eddie promises again.
Steve looks at him again. Really looks, even as his cheeks heat uncomfortably warm. “…Anything?”
Without looking away, Eddie grabs his hand. Rubs his thumb over Steve’s knuckles. Whispers it again.
Steve leans in and kisses him.
Eddie kisses back.
#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie#robin buckley#starambles#tw character death#cw character death#I’m imagining Eddie goes to Family Video with Steve that day and eventually puts on a vest another employee had left there#He does more work than Steve#Except for when the old ladies who hate Eddie on principle come in#Eddie finds out Steve can out-bitch them#He falls more in love#He does in fact have to excuse himself to the back after that. Yes they kiss about it later#I literally googled ‘human head getting run over at 40mph’ and I think the FBI agent in my phone is officially Worried#Oh well. He knows I’ve seen worse#Also in case you were wondering. I couldn’t find any concrete answers. But I got Enough#No beta we die like Eddie’s mom apparently????#(Too soon?)
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was feeling 'fine' (all things considered) then spent 3 hours daydreaming about oc stuff without moving and inch and now i feel very much not fine, i really cant win can i :(
#ganondoodles talks#personal#yes it was sort of sad stuff#but new stuff i hadnt thought about before that arent part of any of the planned stories#i dont even know if im feeling worse again bc it was kinda sad#or bc i didnt move a muscle for hours#or by its late and i barely got sleep last night#or bc i yet again wasted so mayn hours doing essentially nothing#or its all of the above#going to bed :(#you can still send me asks btw!!#im trying to answer them all and i got the next week off work so maybe more time for this#for soem reason i keep struggeling trying to get shargons design into a shape i like#i feel like hes still the one with the most 'boring' one#i want to make him more bird like but i cant seem to get it right#................................also that comic i mentioned in a previous post is haunting me#i keep seeing bits of it and it looks so cool but i cant get myself to actually read it#why am i like this q-q
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there is a lot of very good commentary happening in the notes on that "did jgy kill jin rusong" poll in the tags, but i think i am finally too burnt out on that subject even to vote and reblog the poll. tl;dr i don't think there is a definitive answer either way and i don't need for there to be a definitive answer to find jin guangyao interesting and sympathetic.
#salty peak sect 🧂#he did crimes??? good for him 😌#i'm not trying to throw shade at anyone either i promise#i know lots of people still get something out of this debate#and i do too sometimes#some people are also new to the fandom and the story and are enmeshing themselves in this discussion for the first time#but for me it's becoming like the 'did mxy REALLY harass jgy' question#tho that one is worse since the text makes the answer to that question so clear lmao (it's yes. mxy did do the thing. let him be naughty)#but some things become less interesting to me if they have definitive answers#the jin rusong question has become one of those things for me
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I have developed a new litmus test for Media Literacy and People I Wanna Hang With
Do they hate Skylar White of Breaking Bad for being dramatic and unreasonable
Do they think Arlecchino from Genshin Impact is an abusive parent
Do they think Silco from Arcane made Zaun worse
Answering yes to any of these questions results in immediate disqualification for having respectable opinions. To me.
#daily life with mercy#I have arguments for all three of them adslfj#and I feel strongly enough about all three#and generally speaking!#disagreeing on these very sensitive topics IS a good indicator of whether we can have constructive conversation#Note the wording#It's not about “do you think Skylar is annoying”#...answering yes to that still puts you on my squinty eye list but it's more forgivable#you can think someone is annoying while still acknowledging they are in a lot of pain#“Abusive” is a very particular term highlighting a pattern of behavior#You do better for those kids than Arlecchino did while challenging the system you grew up in lmao#we can have a civil discussion about good vs bad parenting#but that's not abuse. That's a bad situation#and thinking Silco made Zaun worse is just. Not having eyes. Or a functioning brain#sorry man. It was an EVEN WORSE shitshow before he showed up and took over#we can have a civil discussion over whether his end justified his means but you can't deny that he improved the gang wars and pollution#as evident by: EVERYTHING GETTING WORSE WITH HIS DEATH
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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oh my god re: your recent post... the 'girl dinner' shit. omfg. idc if it's 'not that deep' you're still reinforcing terrible shit!!! and also the like 'boys when they see a stick/cool rock' and 'girls when they time travel vs boys when they time travel' wojaks. the gender-fication of barbie vs. oppenheimer. why the fuck is the recent internet zeitgeist hyper stereotypical cisnormativity. like. i thought we had collectively outgrown this.
exactly. And that’s all just some parts of it too. People pretend they’re so on top of things but it’s just because they don’t want to seem out of touch and offensive. It’s wild watching people barf out gender binaries with new terms and new ways to categorize trans people as not their gender and new ways to reinforce the same gender roles on ourselves but in “good” ways now. It’s just….really frustrating and pretty terrifying at the same time
#asked and answered#anon#I don’t know bad example but like.#feminism when I was growing up was gender equality#getting rid of gender roles and stopping gender based discrimination#and it feels like at some point we lost that track#and went straight from that to Girls Rule Boys Drool arguments wrapped in new language and memes#like. when i was a kid#i remember people saying shit about how its okay if a woman asks for a date first or if a woman proposes instead of a man#and yes those arent the most progressive things in the world and those actions are not the most important thing women need to be allowed to#do. but…thats kind of my point. those arent groundbreaking actions.#and if you tried to spoonfeed a BASIC idea about destroying gender roles like that to the online community today#youd get slammed with people saying no woman should ever stoop to beg a man#or that a guy should always propose because dating a woman is a privilege so men should earn it#or how ‘maybe its just me personally but i could never propose to a man like ew thats cringe my man better have enough balls to do it!’#or ‘me personally i could never let my girl propose id feel like i failed her as a man if she had to do that’#or just. on and on and on and on and on#like. we somehow circled all the way back to the ORIGINAL gender roles we were supposed to have broken by now#and its getting worse snd the social media companies are fueling it#have you SEEN instagram and tik tok comment sections lately???#people are just. insanely obsessed over gender and enforcing how they see each group and constantly posting about it online#go outside smell some fucking flowers and recognize your internal biases#like maybe breaking gender roles like thst iis uncomfortable not because you hate men#but because you have gender roles engrained in your BEING from the moment you could walk and you just wrapped them up with a new progressive#bow while not making any changes#anyways.#rant over
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this is very specific, but barton does tend to hold grudges against people if they wronged him in the past, especially if they did something major to him... like almost killed him for example. though it's honestly to the point where it's kind of ridiculous because (and to provide y'all with a scenario) he is the type of person to not accept a ride from someone who did him wrong years ago, even though he's literally soaked because it's POURING outside jsjsj like, dude, who cares about what they did to you??? just ACCEPT THE DAMN RIDE LMAO
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#nahhh but in all seriousness barton would be looking even WORSE than a drowned rat in this scenario. man's would be like a drowned cat JSJS#meanwhile the person who did them wrong is just like ' is he really going to walk all that way just bc i did something against him-#years ago?? ' the answer is yes. yes he is LOL though if the person is really persistent about him getting in they might just drag his butt#into the car and he'll have no choice but to accept the ride jsjsj which is something i could also imagine happening#but he really is TOO freaking stubborn for his own good. like accepting help from someone he is normally at odds with as well??#it's going to take one LONG ass conversation to even get him to consider accepting help from them and by someone he is normally-#at odds with... i was specifically picturing a hero but that could also mean anyone really. and thennn matilda + his kids are liable-#to get mad at him whenever he gets sick just a day or two later because WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT THE RIDE YOU DINGUSSS
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I hate when I get into these phases when once I process through one thing causing me anxiety there's another thing right behind it
#we've moved on to ye olde ''what if i have repressed memories and horrible things have happened that I don't remember''#which...#like...#to some degree you have to go with a schrodinger answer. like... it's inherently not true#but the weird part is that I have weird anxiety when I think about certain family members bc of this#but when I'm actually around them it's no more uncomfortable than any family member you're not around often#so I'm like OH NO WHAT IF SAID FAMILY MEMBER WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS DID SOMETHING TO ME#BUT I REPRESSED IT#and like... a what if is just a what if. do I believe it? no. do I fixate on it and get wildly afraid? sometimes#also it's not even consistent sometimes I'm like ah yes family member I haven't seen in ages I wonder what he's up to#and then other times it's like I'VE HEARD SO MANY STORIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS RAPING THEIR NIECES AND STUFF#WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME#actually I feel like watching law and order SVU made a lot of these anxieties worse like that's part of why I stopped watching it#bc it exacerbates a lot of anxiety my mind tries to throw at me#anyway I do not actually think any family member has done anything and I don't actually believe I have repressed memories#or else I would have probably brought it up to my parents. I'm still like ''ooogh anxiety monster what if?'' about it tho#which is why we have philippians 4:8!! is is true? categorically due to being a ''what if'' anxiety — nope!! okiedoke moving on#k I just needed to talk through this I'm done now#*I'm barely any more uncomfortable than with any family member I haven't seen in a long time#(tbf I'm generally less comfortable with my dad's family bc 1) no female relatives other than grandma and 2) I see them way less often)
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computer search how to make being disappointed in yourself productive
#bluebird.txt#sigh#i should've i should've i should've#and should i (ha) blame myself? is it my fault? at least a few things are definitely my fault.#it wasn't out of laziness or malice i simply didn't think about some things#or i wasn't strong or confident enough to push for things#and i also simply didn't know. i didn't know how could i have known?#will i kill myself (metaphorically and mentally) over this?#well i shouldn't !#but what do i do?#go forward right? but i have regrets#they could be worse#in the long term this is something i can 'fix' or get better at and thankfully its not an interpersonal problem#or not really#in the future i will be more assertive and confident even if i feel less knowledgeable#and every time i have a question i can't find the answer to on my own (or am not satisfied with my own or the internet's answer) i will Ask#i won't be scared to ask anymore#it's scarier to be unprepared bc i didn't ask than to be scared someone will think you're dumb#not knowing something is not a lack of intelligence it's a lack of knowledge#and whatever it is. JUST FUCKING ASK!#and when you're in a group is your fault ever solely your own?#surely if you're an asshole yes but#how much should i blame just myself? how much is it offensive to others to blame myself alone?
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claudrien the type of couple to pop each others pimples
who said this
#😔 yeah#like. i can't even argue. yes they would.#like an 'oh gosh you have something on your back let me get that for you' *squish*#i think them being cute and sweet about it.... would make it worse#MOST DISGUSTING COUPLE EVER <3 OTP#wissym answers
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if you think thats down bad you should see what i say in private
#YES#read that one oneshot again#uh uh uhm#uuhhh\#god. god#i need him#i need him to [redacted]#og my fucking god the more i think the worse it gets#wheres the scrawny bee gif#monnie answers
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I have watched 68 episodes of M*A*S*H over the last two weeks.
Which, it goes without saying, is perfectly hinged behavior.
#M*A*S*H#original post#for better or for worse this streak should end tomorrow#for the most part at least#now I kinda wanna see how quickly I can get through the entire series (again)#my last rewatch took 4 months; can I do better than that? (the answer so far is yes)
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i swear it’s always during finals, when i’m running on 4 hours of sleep and energy drinks that i’m like “omg i should write right now :)” HELP
#i get my best writing ideas when i literally have no time to write bye#i’ve gotten a few asks like ‘should i go to law school?’#my answer is yes but also no#it’s not as bad as you think but also somehow worse 😭#my advice is def go to a school that cares about you lol#there are definitely some that treat you like garbage to ‘give you a backbone’#my school is bringing in therapy dogs and donuts tomorrow so we don’t have breakdowns LMAO#if anyone wants to ask more in depth questions just dm me and i’d be happy to talk about it if you’re considering law school
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Hey so I've noticed you tend to draw characters of color much lighter than they actually are in canon. It might be helpful to reference posts like this
https://www.tumblr.com/creatingblackcharacters/764815649126105088?source=share
and
https://www.tumblr.com/creatingblackcharacters/746229437588226048/dsm7-hi-im-really-sick-of-whitewashing-and?source=share
oh man thank you for letting me know! this is a result of me almost never checking refs when i draw (terrible habit), and for that last post especially i just wanted to post which is my bad. ofc this is not the greatest for being accurate so i will be making sure to double check things i post in the future
#worse because i usually fiddle with adjustment layers until i get it right and this time i did skip that#and everything i draw starts out very desaturated and light until i adjust it so . yes. i absolutely see how i could do this#will be double checking and adjusting posts later thank you anon!#answered#anonymous
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i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh
#i. have gone through the full spectrum of human emotions today methinks (not including joy or happiness or any of the like.. naturally)#i am so exhausted and feeling deeply deeply fucking hopeless#ive spent so much of my life feeling miserable and hopeless but holy fucking shit none of that even remotely came close to the amount#of sheer hopelessness and despair that im feeling today#gneuinely. at a loss for ways to make myself or anyone else feel better#like. well at least we're alive! bitch i dont think i want to be anymore. and furthermore for a LOT of people NOT FOR MUCH LONGER probably#at least we have friends/family/community! yes and that means i have that many more people to be absolutely terrified for on top of myself#we've been through this once we can do it again! I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH#JESUS CHRIST LIKE#by the time the next election comes i will be 27#meaning i will have spent the majority of my teens AND 20s fearing this stupid fucking man and his stupid fucking morally bankrupt follower#im so sick#im so tired#i have to stay alive but for what??? for climate change to make everything exponentially worse in the next 10-15 years??#for society and humanity as we know it to AT the very LEAST begin to collapse in front of my very eyes??#anyway.#like... i just...#thank god i have ppl in my life rn who care about me bc they are essentially singlehandedly keeping me alive at this point#at the end of all of it even though i can do this song and dance all day and be like "whats the point of living? why shouldnt i k myself#and the answer is that the people i love would be sad. the people i love love me too and they would never be the same.#and especially with how much a lot of them have done for me. i owe it to them to at least Try to give myself the best shot i can#us politics#election 2024#kamala harris#2024 election#uspol
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