#the answer is neither but my not-knowing comes from awareness of nuance

[minecraftorangesheepjpg]

yelled at my roommate for spewing eugenics in my face :)

[thequeenskeep]

Mind Over Matter 🛸

Meditation

Magic exists all around us but its intrinsic link to life, makes it unidentifiable . The magic we seek externally is unrecognizable because we struggle to heed it internally. Life neither screams nor shouts, it whispers in the wind, sings as the sea, hums with the bugs. When it is silent you can feel the slightest shift. Silence brings awareness to all that is. The skill of self-mastery and inner knowing is a complex and nuanced study. The fractals of life itself reside within us. In silence, we can attune to our slow song and engage in sensual play with life.

Meditation gives us a peek into the vast cosmos of our psyche. Once you have tapped into this tantalizing potentiality it’ll keep you coming back for more drops of its sweet nectar. When we first begin the practice of stillness it may prove difficult since it’s not something we are adept to. First, know that the process is infinite; like the symbol [of infinity], our lives, nay our souls, are engaged in a never ending dance. We learn what we must, how, and when we must. Do not be discouraged by the challenge of a new venture. Engage with a playful curiosity; allow yourself to be swept up like an equestrian allowing its stead to lead.

There are 3 practices that are ideal for beginners; simple enough to understand powerful enough to transform. It is okay if our minds wander this is part of the initial experience.

The first is breath work. We find ourselves in a comfortable position, resting our eyes, we take the 3 deepest inhales and exhales we have all day allowing ourselves to relax. Returning to our normal breathing we feel the energy within us with each breath. Black swelling from the soles of our feet or pelvic bone up to the top of our head as we inhale; and white flushing back down to our feet with every exhale. Sense your essence climbing up your spine, filling your brain, reaching for something higher. Here we are engaging and syncing with our heart and blood. As we inhale we are consuming our aura or spirit, it cleanses us reigniting our vitality.

The second practice is intentional thinking or listening. After we fall into rhythmic synchronicity our body will naturally continue energetic activity and focus will eventually shift to our mind. Allow yourself to think and observe. Memories will resurface, questions, tasks all things that go on will evoke a response within us. Be aware of how certain thoughts make you feel and question why they illicit such reactions. Our minds answer not only with words but flashbacks, past possessions forgotten. Pay attention to how your brain answers you; we may not understand immediately but if it’s within our minds eye the puzzle will fall together in due time. This ritual encourages us to see our contribution to our reality through self reflection. It also aligns us with our personal passwords, or synchronicities, with the Divine.

The third practice is akin to prayer. Here in our deep state of consciousness we are the closest we will come to the subconscious. As we listen to our thoughts we set intentions. This is a time to discover who we are and how to become to achieve passion in our purpose. We may ask and we may order. Keep it fairly broad; if we ask for something specific it may not turn out how we’d like.

“…When you get to this point, it is not material desire that activates awareness, but the hearts desire to live in the light of truth.”. [Living with a Feather Heart, Jennifer Sodini]

“Teach me how to meditate. Show me how to love myself. Please bless me with knowledge and wisdom of my purpose.” Know that in asking for these things we are given opportunities to identify this in reality. This is why awareness is an essential element. You can also engage in affirmations. “I am lovable. I am disciplined. I am thoughtful and curious about life.”

Through meditation we activate and connect with our life force energy; the magic that exists as space. We become one with our true nucleus and for a moment can touch this until it becomes natural to us like breathing. Meditation is the highest form of love and commitment you can show yourself. It gifts you the opportunity to see, hear, know, and love yourself. Be with yourself and you will discover something priceless within all. Question everything. Allow everything to fall away and just be.

In depth discussion of self reflection:

[lordadmiralfarsight]

A religion of peace ?

Well now, that's a hell of a clickbait, isn't it? Well, believe it or not, this isn't MAGA-style fearmongering. There's actually a nuanced take in there. Just keep reading.

Recently, I answered a post talking about how Islam has been romanticized and mythicized by the Western Left, based on two myths :

The first myth is the idea that Islam is an intrinsically revolutionary religion that fights against Imperialism, Colonialism and Capitalism. The fact Islam has a History of imperialism and violent colonization, supported by a large a vivacious trade network is conveniently forgotten.

The second myth is that Islam is intrinsically more tolerant than the West, because it has bits in its holy text that say to let Christians and Jews live in exchange for a tax. Not everyone is aware of the tax. The conditions associated with the status of Dhimmi, the social and legal violence that comes with it through obligations and restrictions is not explored.

And quite often, when this is brought up, I see people say that "Islam is a religion of peace" as a debate-killer. Muslims and non-muslims. But is it?

Was the Islam of the Rashidun Caliphate, as it spread out of Arabia with violent conquest, a religion of peace ?

Was the Islam of the Ottomans, as they abducted Greek children to turn them into slave soldiers away from all their roots and never to see their famillies, a religion of peace ?

Was the Islam of the Berber raiders that were stopped at Poitier in their Razzia, a raid to kill men and enslave women, a religion of peace ?

Is the Islam of Hamas and ISIS, who yearns to murder non-muslims and openly dreams of world subjugation, a religion of peace ?

And I know what you're going to tell me.

The House of Knowledge in Bagdad allowed thinkers of many creeds to talk as equals! But for how long ? How long did this period last, and how mythicized and embellished is it ?

Al-Andalus was a beacon of tolerance and acceptance, a jewel of culture that was destroyed by the Reconquista, another show of Christian intolerance and cruelty ! But how long did it stay thus ? Did it remain tolerant as a constant throughout its History ? And, wasn't it rather ... colonialist in nature ? Neither Berbers nor Arabs are native to Iberia, after all.

I'm not saying Islam is evil. In the hands of many, it is not. I have eaten, joked and worked with people whose Islam IS a religion of peace. I now teach some whose Islam IS a religion of peace. There are millions of Muslims, in my dearly loved country of France whose Islam IS a religion of peace and who often are our main allies in finding out terrorists before they can kill. Millions who simply want to live, freely and in peace, away from violence.

And it is a disservice to them to say that Islam IS a religion of peace, wholly, totally, entirely. It is a disservice to them to make such a broad, uncompromising statement, because it kills and banishes reflection and thought and leaves the average Muslim at the mercy of extremists that get the benefit of the doubt long after it should have disappeared.

Islam CAN BE a religion of peace. In the right hands.

Much like Christianity CAN BE a religion of peace, in the right hands.

Much like Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Animism, Shintoism, and so many others CAN BE religions of peace.

And they can all be religions of hate in the wrong hands.

All I'm saying, in the end, is that we need to stop "noble savage"-ing Islam, treat it realistically a fairly. Reject its extremists as surely as we reject those of Christianity, and embrace its moderates as surely as we would any other.

Do I have all the answers ? No, I'm just one guy. But I can tell you that unless Leftwing people get their heads out of the sand, stop denying the issue and start making actual, thought out, deep proposals, it's the far right, the Nazis and the Fascists that will win this, because when there's just one thing on the table, that's what you pick.

[carlotaflaneur]

#8 february 2024

How are you ?¿ hope you're cherishing the beginning of 2024 :-) I already feel it's brought so much joy, what a lovely start of the year !!! let's take a mental pic :-)

Some of my closest friends have told me they enjoy receiving my newsletter; they say they can feel me close as they read it. You guys keep me going… I write for me and for you. You know who you are !! I love you and I hope you're in a calm place.

I have the strong feeling that I'm facing a vital/creative revelation moment. I feel I've found a balance I'd been longing since… forever !! Finding balance means feeling at peace, which in turn means touching happiness :-) it's a sweet spot in my relationship with my music.

I make music because I adore it, because it comes out of my insides and I can't help it. But the process of making and sharing songs hasn't always been enjoyable; neither has it been being on stage or simply playing at home. I could often sense myself avoiding spending time with my instruments, hiding away. I would then ask myself: where does this suffering come from, if this is -supposedly- what I enjoy doing the most ?¿?

After many years of asking myself this question, I finally feel I got some answers ! Oh man I adore these revelation moments !!!

august 2023 – at the beach with Ferran (foto: Ferran Pegenaute)

Since I was a child, I’ve learnt to relate to life from a place of “excellence search”, placing importance in “doing things the right way”, or “the way they should get done”, or at least the way I sense I’m expected to do them. Since my career started, my brain had automatically destined most of its energy in creating an image of the “ideal Carlota”. A pristine version of myself that I had to pursue, which would eventually make me feel satisfied with my work - once I catched her.

Of course, the image of the “ideal Carlota” automatically rejects what we all know: no one's perfect, something perfect just can't exist. Despite this contradiction, the image lived inside of me and no step forward (small or large) that I’d take would be enough to reach the so-desired-satisfaction. There's always something you could be doing better; there'll always be things you won't know, things to learn from others.

And that would scare me. I would find it scary to think of the things that I still don't know; the idea of having to learn all of them would weigh on my shoulders and push me aside from the beautiful spark of learning. On many occasions I couldn't even grab my guitar, because I’m not a master playing it and that would make me feel miserable. Of course, not playing guitar would also make me feel miserable…… hahahah

I can't tell when it was that I started being aware at all times of the place in my body from where I was doing stuff; my intention. At some point I placed attention and care on my intentional being, and was able to start rewiring my brain and acknowledging that the true drive of learning can't be reaching excellence.

Fortunately, I've learnt to devote my time to music from a place of comfort search. Every time I sing, play or listen to a song, I give myself the chance to look for those nuances that make me feel comfortable, somehow more alive.

I can’t really explain what a life changing experience this has been… being on stage feels so different when you’re looking for comfort instead of perfection :-)

I now enjoy thinking about the amount of stuff I yet not know; it feels fascinating and really exciting, rather than scary. I like to think that I’ll get to learn a bit of this huge amount... the bit I choose, the bit that I feel most driven to.

BIG HUG IN CAPITAL LETTERS see you soon <3

PS: I'm finally recording new stuff !!! I'll let you know about it

Carlota

[dodi-li]

i have neither patience nor desire to get into a fight over this but I’ve thought about it too much to leave this be, my apologies for the disturbance.

positivity first, I agree wholeheartedly with the actual point of the post; its a very unsightly thing to let the whole world bear witness to Medrano living in one’s head rent free, and more often than not it takes the form of a very discourse-oriented “virtue signaling”, if you’ll forgive the vulgar word for lack of others. Its a negativity of a particularly nasty sort, and inspires an affliction of mind comparable to waking up with a hangover. I fear I am one of these people.

I have never posted about it, nor spoken openly of it to more then two close friends, but naturally in my likely very compromised opinion, theres nuances to it. on a personal level, i dont really gaf whether or not im wasting my time, what ive come up with is a form of art in its own right, which is all the justification i need to be satisfied. but thats not to say there aren’t other beneficial consequences. for instance, when we as discoursers talk about racism, or religion, or revolution, its more often than not in strictly theoretical terms. as a result, ive found, the then proposed solutions to these things take on an air of armchair isolation, being in the same theoretical terms as were used to frame the problem itself.

but that isnt how it works. these things arent just matters of hypothetical relationships between theoretical factors as part of a thought experiment, they are real physical phenomenon, with material, comprehensible causes and effects. they are, as in this case is Hazbin Hotel, cases that can be studied. turning away completely is certainly easier, and as stated above the other option is rarely much fun, and it is certainly the best way to protect one’s peace. but like it or not you cant be escapist all of the time, youve gotta threaten the bubble now and again. that doesnt mean you have to watch and write commentary on a pair of eight-hour brandon rodgers sketches, but again, that is the case being discussed. well less discussed, moreso shouted by me unprompted from the peanut gallery, but im not done talking.

a concrete example of what i’m talking about is the fact that, in my journey as a writer, this endeavor of mine has represented a monumental milestone in the development of my sense of subtlety and poetry. I shall not bore you with specific details, but it consists of a re-write of the story written with one primary design principle— use everything. every character, every concept, failed or successful must be included. large shifts are obviously allowed, but they must flow naturally out of only the material we currently have. in short, the question i aimed to answer was, what would it take to make this story good? cliché i imagine, i dont talk to very many people about this. obviously, as a creative endeavor, weirdo behavior. im aware. how do you think i feel. but as an exercise, a more heavily structured project in which the main skill being used is problem solving, its just as obviously an extremely rewarding experience.

and outside artistic growth, theres the other obvious consequence of me having to take its dogshit depiction of bigotry and abuse and somehow turn it into something interesting. Again, sparing detail, but in my view, and in the judgement of the two people who know about it, i cooked! more than that, it allowed my personal philosophy around these things to solidify in my mind, and be it real or a trick of bias, i feel smarter for it.

but once again, theres the elephant taking up half the room, the fact that i am in no way of sound mind, and my putting six years on-and-off into this with absolute earnesty is more than a little offputting. hence the readmore up there. sorry. also fuck vivziepop or w e

I hate Hazbin Hotel as much as the next person but every time I've encountered someone who dedicates a whole blog to how much they hate Hazbin, writing posts about how they would have written the plot much better, making redesigns of the characters, etc etc it just feels as insufferable as actual Hazbin fans. You're just as obsessed as the fans, why are you giving it so much of your time.

[absolutebl]

I was reading your answer to that ask about tsunderes (this one), and you had mentioned What did you eat yesterday? and I was cocking my head over this for a day and just had this huge OoooOooh moment.

What did you eat yesterday? has been one of the bewildering mystery cases of "Whyever do I like this so ridiculously much?" (the sort of ones I mentioned in the Why R U?-ask) of the last two decades. And I thought by now I had unriddled most of all the reasons for it. Ho, was I probably wrong about that.

My favorite chapter of the series is the peaches episode from volume 3, where split-the-sales-bundle-packages-shopping buddy Kayoko asks Shirou if he wants to buy off half of the expensive deluxe premium peaches batch she splurged on in a fit of ravenous appetite. He contemplates on how expensive it is, nothing he'd ever really consider by himself, but still why not, Kenji loves peaches, and he can help out Kayoko. So he takes them, and over that they have a conversation about Kayoko's perception of his character until then, followed up by talking about relationship perspectives in general, and I thought I was loving how Shirou's perspective was just entirely devoid of any sugary or cheesy vibes, but instead had this almost calculated practical nuance to it (that as you have put it can come off as manipulative), whilst simultaneously not coming off as bad or abusive in any way, because it clearly emphasized how this is still taking Kenji into consideration and caring for him regardless. (Narratives about relationships seem to always be about the big drama of what is making them get wonky or fail that make me always question why even to start one at all, filling up the sheer absolute need of sappiness that easily makes my eyes roll, or it veers towards a sort of business-y partnership of material benefits that's about always accompanied by an undertone of judgement and this series is almost singularly still about the only one I encountered that is neither.) There is also how the chapter ends on Kenji going all sappy over the peach dessert present taking it as a specific gift from Shirou to him to express his love and Shirou quietly having his objections to that, but dropping them, because explaining would not just be a pain in the neck, but downright a really bad idea. And I thought I loved this little hilarious twist, and the best way I managed to explain this in words so far was that it displays that Shirou is aware of Kenji's love for all things romanticized, something he more than once thinks is kind of annoying, but just lives with it, because it's not really a deal breaking biggie.

Your post put in words gave shape to another piece I hadn't as clearly pinpointed yet. That what probably I liked most about that last scene wasn't even chiefly that Shirou is accepting Kenji's sappy antics, but it's that it showcases that Shirou is bugged by it. Not even because of the sappiness, but because it's Kenji's misunderstanding stating Shirou intentionally, specifically went out of his way to accommodate to his tastes out of motivations like silly love expressions that just totally aren't Shirou. It kind of implies Shirou changed, changed for him, change out of something stupidly sappy as love, when really everything was entirely in line with his character all along. But he also can't really talk about this, because of obvious reasons. But it bugs him. Definitely not enough that it's worth throwing a fuss about at all. But it still bugs him.

I already knew Shirou not having to bend himself over is a recurring motif of the series, the series also knows to be a bit a whole louder about it, like when it makes a point more than once over how Kenji is not Shirou's type at all, so he doesn't wind up catering his crush pleasing tendencies.

But knowing it's oozing over just about everything makes all the subtler, casual throw in scenes like one from volume 17 all that much more profound. In that chapter, after some medical exam drama, Kenji gets invited for lunch at Kayoko's without Shirou and is surprised to find out she's serving up all sorts of favorite foods of his and Kayoko explains that no, Shirou has never gossiped about Kenji's tastes, she just continuously observed how he's adjusted his grocery choices over Kenji's tastes (without the flashback failing to mention that this still comes in tandem with sales and pricing considerations first, which is just such great consistency) and Kenji just has this very quiet "Oh"-moment followed up by being just super happy about it. It's not like he didn't realize a number of times already that Shirou shows his care over his cooking in all sorts of more subtle ways, but this was just one moment where the sheer extent of it sinks in, and it also just has nothing of that overly sappy reaction as with the peaches, it's framed as just as preciously sparkly all the same. But with zero sugar overdose, zero calories overdose, actually very simple, but so, so profoundly savory.

Awwww.

You ever had this moment when there was this one herb that is tied to a number of your favorite dishes, but you always had to rely on it popping up by coincidence in the wild to use for your cooking? That you knew one name of, which however never showed up in anyone's dictionary? That you could describe in roundabout vague ways of your own words to as much detail and as much as you wanted, but no one would ever make sense of? Even if you presented them with the plant in question right before their eyes noses? And then by utter freak chance get handed out its local name along with a botanical stats page describing the plant and its properties? And you go all OooOoh, because you have just obtained the vocabulary and grammar to talk a little bit differently about this thing you were talking about all the time already, but weren't able to quantify, quality or showcase in any systematic way that anyone was ever likely to be able to parse.

That's what your post was. It's awesome. Thanks!!!

Me hopping and zooming around like an overly excited, ecstatic rabbit.

(And also me savoring the moment, because after the initial thrill reality is probably inevitably going to remind me that this likely will wind up just like with that herb, which turned out to be considered as a nuisance weed hereabouts that much less than not ever being offered in any supermarket you won't even find harvests or seeds of it in specialized shops and have to rely on freak chances in the wild after all. And obviously nobody's ever really interested in talking about weed when it's not about weeding it out. T_T)

Awwwww.

On so many levels, awwwww.

I haven't read it just seen the (not really) BL bit I still follow because the characters were so well done in that show. 

And isn’t this the best part? That in talking and analyzing these shows (and ourselves) we understand more about what we like a thing and our own lives, but also are gifted the language to communicate both better? 

To me, anyway, that’s what the best discourse around entertainment is all about. 

And the “squeeeeee” other people like this thing factor... of course. 

But the, omg I gotta tell you about this thing I noticed in a thing I loved, is just so much fun. 

On a complete different note I have no idea Fumi Yoshinaga had been around so long. I read Gerard & Jacques back in 2007! 

[oumaheroes]

hii its bougie <3 if you're still taking hc requests, i was wondering if you'd have thoughts on something that's been on my mind for a while. i was interested in the nuance to english culture due to regional differences. eg.,dinner being called "tea" in the north of england, rugby being more popular in the south, the difference in how scones with jam and cream are enjoyed in Devon and Cornwall?? or how certain english accents are perceived as... "less attractive" i guess (the black country accents are unpopular apparently?) -- you'd probably know more about these particularities than me ;u;

i was wondering how these cultural differences might map onto hws England's character, and how they might influence his attitudes and behaviours. because there's such a clearly defined stereotype of the english that i think shape people's expectations of what the english are like, i usually think that Arthur usually consciously acts according to what counts as positive interpretations of himself. however, i love nuanced and somewhat subversive interpretations of his character, and am very curious if you might have any ideas on how these kind of internal regional differences might shape him.

--------------------

Bougieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

I’m not gonna lie this sent me down a RABBIT HOLE of thoughts, so hang on tight cos we're gonna get messy.

Accents:

Let’s start with my personal favourite, so excuse me whilst I geek out for a second. I’ve gone into this area already in this headcanon, but I personally see England being a very proud little dragon regarding English accents, those both native and non-native to the British Isles. Focusing just on accents within England for this post, the way Arthur himself sees them, (regarding class and general preference), comes a lot down to how I see him feeling about language and the unification of England in general.

England is a tiny country. It’s really teeny, compared to some, and yet holds an incredible number of regional accents and dialects (from digging about the internet for a good source, I keep finding numbers ranging from 37 to 43). There are a number of reasons for this, but the one that I love the most is that accents are influenced by the previous/ influential other languages spoken in a given area. Accents on the East of England are more influenced by Viking invaders, both phonologically and via the dialectal words used, and accents/ dialects in the West are more influenced by Welsh, for example.

Accents and dialects tell the history of a place, all who ever came there and influenced it to some degree. The map of English accents is a patchwork quilt of old cultures and people now lost to time, but their ways of speaking have been preserved in the modern tongue. The old English kingdoms might now be mere counties- Kent, Essex, Sussex, East Anglia, etc- they may not have their own influence or language these days as they used to, but their old ways have been imprinted on their people of today whether they know it or not and they carry pieces of the past in their words and how they speak them. Older speakers of the Northern English dialects liek the Yorkshire dialect still use ‘thou/thee’ where this has fallen out in other areas, the Midlands and parts of the South-East still keep the ‘-n’ ending for possessive pronouns (‘yourn’ instead of ‘yours’, ‘ourn’ instead of ‘ours’), and there’s even some linguistic research into how Brittonic, the ancestor of Modern Welsh, influenced English structure and phonology (for references, see notes at the end).

Back to England the person (to contain myself slightly), his regional accents are a story of himself, his history being kept alive in all of its variety every day. He doesn’t hold a classist view of a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ accent because he knows why they’re all there- what languages and people influenced them and how these events affected him- the older generations now lost and forgotten being kept alive in the smallest of phonemes.

Every dialect, every accent, and every language tells the story of a people, from the smallest phonological marker right up to a language as a whole and England takes comfort and pride in his dialects and accents’ longevity and variety. He is as much of the North as he is the South, as much of the East as the West and a patchwork man born of patchwork cultures it makes no sense for him to favour one particular accent over another.

That being said, he is aware that there is a common cultural stance on accents as well as an opinion regarding ‘ugly’ ones, ‘common’ ones, and ‘classy’ ones, but he himself doesn’t partake in these ideas. I like to think that a nation takes on the speech of the people and the area they’re in, matching the person they speak to or the area they visit to relate to their people. So, for me a Chav Arthur exists as much as a Brummie one does, or a Scouser, or a Geordie, or a Cockney. They’re all English, and thus they’re all a part of him.

Class

I have to include this one, if only to touch on it lightly regarding accents and dialects. Class does influence which words you speak, arguably just as much as which accent (this is known as a sociolect). Although I said that England adopts the accent of whatever area he’s in, or whomever he’s talking to if they’re English, the class people are will also affect which words he choses to use.

Here’s a short example from here:

'It is pudding for the upper class. Dessert is sometimes used by upper middles, but afters and sweets very clearly put you below stairs.'

Have some more!

Upper class: Spectacles, Lavatory or loo, Die, Napkin, Sofa

Middle class: Glasses, Toilet , Pass on, Serviette, Settee or couch

(Working class is a mix but harder to find sources for).

This is where England treads a fine line. It could be that he again adopts more of a class lexicon regarding who he is speaking to, matching his people word for word. However, England is not unaware of the affects of class, regardless of how he himself feels, and also although class snobbery and divide frustrate him, he cannot deny using this understanding to benefit himself, which also conforms to how his own people behave. (I myself have, many times, diluted and filtered my speech to be seen as ‘better’).

Want to be seen as more reliable and powerful? Want to be taken more seriously? RP and Estuary English (a lot more so these days), hold undeniable sway and England is not above adopting a manner of speaking to come across ‘better’ or more polite, or a more ‘common’ accent to fit in with the working classes. I think of England as leaning more towards a working-class mindset- he’s very hands on, very up for and used to manual labour and this particular English class has always made up the bulk of his population. It makes no sense for a nation, who represents all of their people, to have a snide view or a preference for a particular group and England as a person I see is someone who does not enjoy the foppery and false airs of aristocracy.

That being said, England is an intelligent man. He knows how to work a room and use a crowd to his advantage, knows what must be done and what he needs to do to achieve a goal and if this entails courting the upper classes for a time then he will do so. He’s adepts at switching himself like a chameleon, blending his behaviours, accent, and dialect to match who he’s talking to to achieve a goal or to fit in with someone’s perception of him, or to gain influence or prestige. He also doesn’t hate his upper classes- they are of him too, and the middle and working class have their own prejudices and ideas against the others. But he doesn’t adopt a stereotypical distain of lower classes because to him, it really doesn’t make much sense.

Abroad, this need to cultivate a particular perception defiantly comes under greater pressure. RP and Estuary English are more well know, more heard and taught, and more recognisably ‘British’, and so these are what he uses when speaking English to other nations or foreigners, either wanting to uphold an image of himself (more so in the Victorian/ Edwardian period than nowadays) or just for the ease of being understood.

Regional Differences

Okay, this one is a lot more fun. Does England put in his milk first or last when making tea? Does he put jam first, or clotted cream when having a scone? Does he have chips with gravy, or curry sauce? Does he have dinner at 6, or 9? To marmite, or not to marmite.

Ah, that is the question, and England does not know the answer. Does he do what he does because that’s what he likes, or because that’s what his people do? He didn’t grow up with these habits, after all, they’re all relatively recent in his lifetime, and so these habits are defiantly things he cultures for a particular audience.

I’m not really sure if the above preferences are class based, (well, milk first when making tea is argued to be, but I can't find any sources I'd consider entirely credible. I put the ones I did find in the notes below, in case any one's interested), so it’s hard to get a sense of which one to use. Overall, it doesn’t matter which you do and neither is right or wrong, but the English feel strongly about them, one way or another, and often Arthur the man isn’t sure at all which one he himself actually thinks is better.

Food in another sense though is something he can be surer of. A Cornish pastie not from Cornwall is not worth eating, nor is a Bakewell tart outside of Bakewell. England can be very particular about this sort of thing and enjoys maintaining and supporting the ‘original’ flavour or recipe of a thing where he can, considering this to be the ‘best’. Sally Lunn Buns from Bath, Gypsy tarts from Kent, Eccles Cakes from Eccles.

England wants to preserve his food and culture and has what could be considered a snobbish view on the ‘best’ way of creating or eating his national foods. Some things he is more lenient with: he will eat cheddar cheese, whether or not it is from Cheddar, same from Cumberland sausages not from Cumbria. But he certainly has a preference and he is not afraid to voice this when asked for his opinion.

Okay, we're done

Phew! This had me digging out my old linguistic student brain. To anyone who has made it this far down, gosh golly miss molly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and especially @prickyy who was kind enough to want to hear my opinions about all of this <3

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Notes:

Brittonic influence on English:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brittonicisms_in_English

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar_url?url=http://journals.mountaintopuniversity.edu.ng/English%2520Language/Celtic%2520Influences%2520in%2520English%2520A%2520Re-evaluation.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&ei=2ohDYdq3BoWImwHn6oWQAg&scisig=AAGBfm29zTF0FBCpd1KqDiAbjM-0X7nfoA&oi=scholarr (PDF)

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar_url?url=http://www.oppi.uef.fi/wanda/unicont/abstracts/14ICEHL_MF.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&ei=2ohDYdq3BoWImwHn6oWQAg&scisig=AAGBfm3UvOXbJEb0b51J73eBnTJvgGaQOA&oi=scholarr (PDF)

Sociolects and class distinction within language in English:

https://languageawarenessbyrosalie.weebly.com/social-dialects.html

https://www.grin.com/document/313937

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_and_non-U_English

Milk in tea first and the potential class reason:

https://www.theteaclub.com/blog/milk-in-tea/

https://qmhistoryoftea.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/milk-in-first-a-miffy-question/

[regulus-regent]

Torno was observed closely, picking up on every shift in his gaze, every nuance in his tone. The larger saiyan's uncertainty and hesitancy weren't lost on him, though Torno's restraint and respect didn't go unappreciated. His approach was oddly refreshing, he bore neither the naïve admiration of those who didn't know Vegeta's history, nor the empty respect that was often forced or fabricated. This was a warrior who understood the weight of consequence who perhaps had his own regrets tucked away. There was a sincerity in the larger royal's words that Vegeta found rare and despite himself, welcoming.

Crossing his arms tighter over his chest, Vegeta glanced off to the side, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "Hmph. So you sought me out simply for...knowledge?" Vegeta let out a light scoff the notion of such a request catching him off guard. Many had seeked him out to fight, this was certainly a first for the prince. "And what exactly is it you expect to learn from a prince who has outlived his people? You'd do better seeking answers in the stars themselves than here."

His brows drew together as Torno's words settled, eyes narrowing as he considered the implications of stepping into a realm where saiyan pride and tradition might still hold their place. His gaze flickered with a mix of skepticism and intrigue, he understood the offer was made with no expectation of acceptance, yet something about it stirred a forgotten ache in Vegeta, a pang of what could have been. It wasn't weakness, he told himself. No, it was simply the pull of curiosity, of nostalgia.

And that curiosity tugged heavily on his soul, drawing him toward a past he thought he'd long since buried. He wouldn't indulge in fantasies, but there was a part of him that missed the pride of his people, the rituals and rites that he had once heard of. The chance to bare witness to another universe of saiyans, untouched by the harsh realities that his own universe had succumbed to was something he couldn't easily dismiss. "You make an interesting offer, while your invitation is unexpected I won't dismiss it outright. My ties to my heritage may be fractured and buried but they're not entirely gone."

He was fully aware that his lack of royal formalities might make him come across as crude and disrespectful, to those in Torno's world. There was no elegance left in his interactions, no sign of the formal polished throne.

"But" he continued a hint of caution in his tone. "don't mistake my acceptance as an open door to some lost brotherhood. I'll humor this curiosity only to see whether your universe saiyans hold up to my expectations."

Even as he felt Vegeta scrutinizing him, Torno kept his own thoughts relentlessly focused on remaining cordial with the other royal Saiyan, and choosing his words carefully, and yet... Not so carefully that he couldn't comfortably conduct himself, and dilute his behaviors from what they would've been, otherwise. A sharpened gaze from the smaller male was perceived as nothing more than a hardened warrior's careful observation by the one on the receiving end, and how could anyone blame Vegeta for it?

The fate of Universe Seven's Saiyans, and the fate and condition of Torno's universe's own... They were night and day; a fact that the larger warrior wouldn't quickly divulge to Vegeta just yet, but a notion that Torno, himself, would keep under consideration when it came to his company's cadence towards him.

When Vegeta spoke, however, a subtle, albeit noticeable hitch in Torno's breath and a slight aversion in his gaze, even if just for a split second, would convey a sort of understanding for the Prince's viewpoints of his life; the larger Saiyan, perhaps, feeling the same about his own deeds and the path he walked. Should he empathize with Vegeta, and share his own understanding of such a view of his life, or allow Vegeta to share, and not be burdened with the Mighty Saiyan's own existence. It was Torno who sought Vegeta out, and the former surmised that sharing anything about himself was best saved for if or when the other royal wanted him to do so, not whenever Torno felt like it.

"I suppose I don't have a clear answer on that, myself." Torno would begin, almost allowing a smile to creep onto his face, as he almost always had certainty in his actions, and clear reasoning behind the things he did, presently. "As it stand, right now, I suppose this encounter, itself, is what I've sought, and the knowledge that may come from it. Ever since I first learned about the Saiyans of this universe, and that their prince still lived, I've had this itch to seek him out."

Stoic as ever, however, the larger royal seemed to pick at his own words, and huff at how he couldn't immediately answer Vegeta's question. "Your honesty, meanwhile, has me considering the idea of offering an invitation to visit my home, and perhaps be a guest among our kind. Though, turning such an invitation down wouldn't be seen as offensive." It was then, that Torno found himself crossing his own arms, and involuntarily mirroring Vegeta's stance.

"The only thing I can tell you, with the utmost certainty, is that I haven't come here to entertain the idea of coming to blows with you." Would his answer to Vegeta's inquiry suffice, given that the Mighty Warrior found himself uncharacteristically unable to truly answer the question? He wouldn't show it, but a sliver of unease nestled its way into his psyche, after he came to understand that he wasn't entirely sure of what he wanted out of this encounter with Universe Seven's Saiyan Prince.

[plainlo-inthemorning]

A Loki TVA/Lokane fic. Rating T.

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (of 6)

Shine a Light, part 5

He is aware that the love of his life is digging her fingers into his arm and saying his name.

He is aware of Stark standing to his other side, visor off, speaking to someone on the phone. His voice is hard.

But most of all, Loki is aware that all their lives were just changed by a great big terrifying rip in the seam of reality.

Neither Jane nor the Avenger could possibly be completely sure of what they saw. Loki, as much as he desperately wants to, harbors little doubt.

The man he held in a death-grip only minutes ago and who just now disappeared through a doorway conjured out of thin air was somehow … himself.

Another him. Just as the man had said.

After witnessing from afar the double kiss Jane, Loki, who was coming back from a swim, had been more than ready to skip past introductions and just sever the intruder’s head from his body.

But as soon as he had laid hands on him, a torrent of images had flooded his mind – chaotic, confused images that seemed to span past, present, future and beyond.

The shock had made him lessen his grip and the double had used his (his!) magic to throw him off.

With some distance between them and Stark suddenly there as well, Loki had tried to let his rage quell the dizzying realization. Unsuccessfully.

He is still shaking, clutching a dagger in each hand. He drew them instinctively as the other made for the door.

He should have caught him!

“Loki! What did he say?!”

“What?” His thoughts are racing in too many directions to hear her.

“The … man, what was he saying to you?!”

Jane is looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes, worry and urgency all over her delicate features. Though not fear, Loki notes. His ever-brave wife. Both her hands are now clamped around his wrist.

That thing kissed her.

The daggers disappear and Loki wraps both arms around the mother of his unborn child, almost crushing her to his chest while still staring at the spot where the double vanished.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, love”, he murmurs. He suspects things are very much not okay.

So does Jane, of course.

“Loki, was it … oof, not so tight … ��

She wriggles against him, and he remembers his amor. And her condition. He immediately relaxes his arms a bit while letting the leather and metal melt back into the clothes he wore before: Black jeans and a fitted, dusty green t-shirt (his “rockstar outfit”, Jane had called it, when Loki first started switching up his human wardrobe some years ago now). Drops of saltwater still cling to the ends of his slightly curly raven locks.

“Tony! Jane, Loki! What on Earth was that?”

Pepper jumps out of the car parked in front of the house and runs towards them. She must have seen everything as she drove down the road following her flying husband.

“The verdict’s still out, Peps”. Tony nods at Loki. “You wanna chip in here? I just called the boy-scout at headquarters and told him to be on guard for one of the magician’s interns playing a prank”.

Loki shakes his head slowly.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think Stephen had anything to do with this”.

“You’re right, I didn’t”.

All four of them turn around to see the sorcerer step out of a swirling ring of light, his cape billowing around him. The mahogany floor and paneled walls of his Manhattan mansion are briefly visible behind him before the portal closes with a hiss of little sparks.

Strange is wearing an even sterner expression than usual which only adds to Loki’s growing sense of dread.

Tony, however, groans loudly.

“Dude, really? Couldn’t you at least have let us have dinner before party crashing? Not shaming your bachelor lifestyle or anything, but this was couples’ night!”

“Tony!” Pepper hits her husband on the arm.

Strange ignores him.

“I’m afraid the arrival of your surprise visitor indicates that a set of … unfortunate events have been set in motion”.

As always, his voice is as even as if he was reading the weather forecast, but by now Loki has learned to differentiate the (very) subtle nuances between scorn and sincerity. Strange places his hands behind his back and regards them coolly. “I’ve had Wong reach out to Doctor Banner and director Fury. They should be here shortly. Stark, you may want to-”.

Tony narrows his eyes, lip twitching.

“Hey, Bleeker Street, you know I have low tolerance for you showing up and barking orders without giving two f**** for context. How did you even know that something was going down here? By all means, don’t keep us in suspense until the cavalry gets here”.

Strange doesn’t answer, but the way his eyes dart to Jane sends needles through Loki’s heart.

“Let’s go sit down, shall we?” With one eyebrow raised, Strange puts on a suave smile and gestures towards the house. The effect is a little startling.

Jane ducks out from under Loki’s arms. “Jane, don’t you want to-“. She brushes him off.

“Yes, good idea, Stephen. Let’s go sit down”. She motions for Strange to follow. “Welcome to our home. I was actually making drinks before, but I think I need to add a bit more kick to them…”

Her voice is oddly calm, and Loki fights the urge to grab her and magic them both far, far away, not caring that she would be furious with him for making decisions on her behalf.

He’s brought back to the present by an even odder sound as Strange actually chuckles.

Loki is not sure he’s ever heard it before. Then again, it’s not that he really knows Strange when it comes down to it. Like Tony, Loki finds the wizard exceedingly arrogant.

Pepper is the first to follow Jane and Strange across the lawn while Loki and Tony hang back.

“Real ladies’ man when he wants to. Who would have thought”. The billionaire superhero scoffs. His suit has folded itself off and into a briefcase next to his feet.

“Tony-“

“Uh oh. First name basis. So this really is an emergency”.

Loki faces his friend. Often in the past years, as they’ve grown steadily closer outside of “work”, he has secretly marveled at how long they’ve come since someone threw someone else off a building after being called a diva.

And attacking a city with an alien army.

Jane always insisted the two “hotheads” (her word) had a lot in common when not trying to murder one another (be it with weapons or sarcastic commentary), and Loki has to admit she was right. The metal man is fiercely intelligent, and Loki has been enjoying the quick-witted snark between them infinitely more than he ever valued the company of Thor’s band of gullible warrior groupies on Asgard.

“Well?”. Tony is regarding him with eyebrows raised, expectant. “Give me your take on this cause I’m starting to put together some rather outlandish theories myself here that I’m kinda hoping you’ll thwart ASAP”.

Loki draws in a deep breath.

“That thing with Banner at the tower two years ago-“

“Fuck!” Tony exhales, exasperated. “I knew you were gonna say that”. He squints into the distance towards the ocean, his mouth a tight line. It’s a rare day that Tony Stark is caught under a clear blue sky without sunglasses but for once he doesn’t seem to notice.

Loki takes a step closer to him and lowers his voice so they won’t alert the others just yet.

“I told you then and you didn’t want to listen! Everything about Bruce’s story was off. I know he didn’t remember much after Steve took him down, but you all pretty much accused me of trying to get back at him for, well, you know what, and I kept telling you I thought someone had gotten to him! Now-“

Loki searches for the words. It’s beyond absurd.

“That man was a version of me, Tony. I have no idea how, but I felt it. I saw into his mind. It was filled with images from my past and then … other, recent memories. Dark ones. He came from nowhere. Literally. It didn’t feel like a place. I tried to discard it as a trick, you saw that, but…” Loki runs his hand through his moist hair. “Stephen obviously felt something tear open too. And that is not a good sign”.

He has Tony’s full attention.

“Tear open? Could this other you be associated with your old boss? With Thanos?”

Loki winces.

“No, I don’t think he’s involved”, he says sharply. “But I can’t be sure …”

Tony catches his tone pats his shoulder. “Okay, okay. Shake it off. Didn’t mean to suggest anything. Let’s say he’s not. I’d much prefer that, at least until the wizard presents us with an even uglier imminent threat to the universe. Which, judging by the fact that he’s even here, willingly sipping cocktails in your kitchen as we speak, he probably will”.

Tony throws his hands up with a dramatic air.

“And here I thought the most challenging part of this weekend would be to convince you two to come see Hamilton with us in the city next week!”

“Who’s-“

“Never mind. Did you get a look at that gadget your guy was holding? Boy, he looked like an office slave who’d slept under his desk for a month before getting fired, didn’t he? Were you ever into accounting yourself by any chance?”

Loki shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Immediately he sees the image of the double kissing Jane, his arms wrapped firmly around her supple body. Rage rushes right back through him and his eyes snap open.

“Stark - I can’t. But yes, I did notice the device. It looked like a phone”.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think it was the new iPhone”.

Tony shakes his head.

“The two of us and we didn’t take him down. Fury’s gonna have our badges”.

//

The director of SHIELD and Bruce Banner arrive barely 15 minutes later through a portal in the middle of the meadow-like lawn, following Wong and both looking grim and out of place as they weave around patches of wildflowers to reach the porch.

“Gentlemen, I trust you’re well”. Loki greets the trio with an only vaguely sarcastic nod as he holds open the screen doors to them, like a good host. Despite what some may still think, he can behave.

He could have just used magic of course, but he figures Banner is freaked enough as it is just by being here. The scientist hasn’t spoken more than five words to him since 2014 and at least three of them were expletives.

Once inside the small living room, Bruce goes to stand by the window and busies himself polishing his glasses with a little too much vigor than seems warranted.

He avoids Loki’s eyes but looks up and smiles wearily as Jane comes over to say hello.

Fury leans against the doorframe to the hallway and crosses his arms, face a closed book, and, by the sound of it, Tony is going through the cabinets in the kitchen trying to find something to spice up Jane’s pre-dinner cocktails.

Pepper is talking to Strange and Wong on the blue IKEA couch (assembled by magic after the attempt to go at it “as a team” turned into a shouting match), and Loki is about to politely ask Strange to please spit it out right this minute, when Jane is next to him, taking his hand.

“We need to talk. Now”.

Her voice is low and steady but her eyes insisting. She squeezes his fingers.

He squeezes back. “Come”.

Loki looks to Fury but he’s focused on Strange who’s listening very closely to something Wong’s saying.

Not letting go of Jane’s hand, he turns towards the kitchen. In the doorway they pass Tony who’s now holding what appears to be a glass of scotch. He must have given up on the gin and tonics.

“Hey, where are you two going? Forget about playing hosts okay, let’s just get started with part two of the evening’s entertainment”.

“In a minute”.

Jane pushes past him, ignoring Tony’s look and dragging Loki with her.

She closes the door behind them.

“Okay, so…” Jane looks around nervously in the small kitchen with the rustic white fronts and old brass handles. She loves that kitchen. They haven’t changed a thing since moving in. Loki reaches for her, but she takes a step back. “Jane, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have gotten there faster. Did he …“

“I need you tell me exactly what he said to you”.

She is absentmindedly opening and closing her fists in the way she does when that brilliant astrophysicist mind of hers is working out an intricate problem in the lab.

Or, Loki knows, when she’s about to deliver him bad news.

He clears his throat. “He said he was me. And that something big was happening”. There. “And then he said he was sorry”.

Jane studies his face.

“That he was sorry? For what?”

“He didn’t say. He stepped through the door”.

Jane is quiet and now it’s Loki’s turn to try and read her expression.

“What did he say to you? I assume he pretended to be me …?”

Jane holds up a hand and bites her lip. Loki swallows.

“Loki, when we were staying at the flat in London, after we defeated Malekith…”

“What?” Loki furrows his brow in confusion. “Why are we-“

“The poison from the monster’s blade, it had you slipping in and out of consciousness for days. You were so feverish…”

“Yes, I know. I was there”. Loki’s blood is slowly turning very cold, but he musters a smile. “And you were amazing, love. Although some might say you took adv-“

Jane interrupts him in the middle of his blossoming smirk. A slight blush appears on her own cheeks.

“Yes, um, it’s not about that day”. She gives him a stern look. “The other day, later, when Thor left after you two went and had your, um, talk … there’s something I need to tell you …”

The door to the living room opens behind them.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, Doctor Foster, I would very much like to hear this too”.

Stephen Strange steps into the kitchen. The door closes behind him.

Part 6

[parvulous-writings]

Fresh Meat // Ashe x reader

Request:It's my turn now, hehehe.First off, must say that your last two SFW alphabets are so bloody amazing, like WOW- You truly are an amazing writer, whether you deny it or not.Anyway, I wanted to request another one. Could you possibly make an Ashe x Reader? I was thinking that they are both in the Deadlock Gang, and the reader is a new recruit or something.Once again- thou art truly amazing! 😚❤

Requested by: @rey-is-not-a-skywalker​  (Hi bor!) 

Summary: Ashe and the reader have a conversation, regarding a few things they find odd about being new to the Deadlock gang.

Warnings: N/A

Words: 1.1K

Notes: I knew you’d be requesting something soon lmao. I did a little more research into the Deadlock gang, so hopefully I get this right!  Soft!Ashe. Slightly strange ending?  My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!

Not my gif

The Deadlock gang had recently welcomed a new recruit to their ranks, after a rather long period of seeing nothing in terms of fresh meat. You had to admit, Deadlock wasn’t quite what you had expected. Of course, you saw full well that the fearsome reputation they had in the Grange didn’t come from thin air or someone’s wild imagination, but they were a more tightly knit group than you would have expected when you looked at them with outsider’s eyes. What an outsider or stranger would have seen was.. Chaos. A bunch of criminals and those hated by their society, hardly acting in sync and only for their own gain and nothing beyond that. 

You see, when Elizabeth Caldonia “Calamity” Ashe- a wealthy, Southern socialite well known for lashing out- pulled together the band of misfits and criminals from the surrounding areas, what she was really pulling together was a family. One to make up for the one she had lacked in her younger years. These whom were cast out found happy refuge and sanctuary when they devoted themselves to her cause. A simple vow, in truth, merely to help with each score, take a share of the spoils, and expand the territory of the Deadlock Gang. It appealed to the many who had been done wrong by the world, cast aside by society and their moral high-horse.

Now Ashe, Ashe liked you. It was hard to ignore that you were quickly becoming one of her favourites. Not particularly because of your skill- to her that was neither here nor there- more so because of your ability to practically command a room with how you spoke.  In part  your slight confidence helped with this. But you could not discredit your ability to woo a group or crowd with your phrasing and vivid imagery. You had the traits of a fine public speaker, should you put your mind to it. In fact, this is what Ashe often had you do. She’d get you in front of the majority of the gang, to explain a plan on her behalf. In the woman’s eyes this accomplished two things. 

Number one; it brought her family closer together, being able to rally behind certain people such as yourself and herself.  Number two; it was her way of showing you affection- giving you an opportunity to flourish in your own, special way. She did not work well with physical affection a large amount of the time, so this is what she silently settled for. Whether you were aware of what this was to her she did not know, and nor did she much care. Awkward with affection as she may have been, she didn’t often shy away from emotions, especially the more passionate ones. 

After one particularly rousing speech and explanation, she approached you. “You did well..” She complimented you with a small, almost playfully fond smile. You returned the expression, though not with the same nuances.  “Thanks, boss.” You replied softly, moving towards the small bar to get yourself a drink, hoping to drench your throat to rid yourself of the dryness. “Ah-ah, what’ve I told you about tha’?” She playfully scolded you, shaking her head, causing her ice-like hair to sway with the movement, hitting her angled cheeks. You merely chuckled in reply, as you poured yourself a small glass of water. She continued speaking, “If I’ve told ya once, I’ve told ya a thousand times, sweetpea- You can call me Ashe. Most of ‘em do anyway.” She gestured broadly to the crowd that was murmuring amongst themselves nearby. 

“I know, I know...” You roll your eyes ever so slightly, though it was not out of annoyance. “It just feels... Odd, when I do, y’know?” You shrugged slightly as you swished the clear liquid around the bottom of the glass as you spoke. “I mean, you’re employing me, aren’t you?”  “Well, yeah, I s’pose you’re right” Ashe responded, as if it were the most trivial thing in the world.  “Exactly. You’re my boss. Shouldn’t I address you as such?” You ask, raising a single brow as you pitched this idea to the fearsome leader who had now settled on a barstool. At your question though, she began to laugh.  “Oh, god no, sweetpea!” Ashe was practically snorting- clearly this was amusing to her. “No, no. We’re more of a family than a business. You know that!” She playfully punched your shoulder. “Call me Ashe, sweets. Or there’ll be trouble.” She warned teasingly. She then got up to go and tend to a few minor things for their next haul, when you tried to get her attention again. 

“Ashe?” You were surprised by how quickly her head snapped round, and equally shocked at how her hat stayed in place.  “What’s up, darlin’?” She asked with that troublesome smile of hers.  “Why do you call me that?” The question clearly caught her quite off-guard, and she hesitated a little bit.  “Call you... What?” She looked almost dubious of your intentions behind said question.  “All the nicknames. The pet names.” You clarify. You didn’t mind them, not one bit, you were just curious. Ashe took a few moments longer to answer you this time, and you can practically see the cogs turning behind her almost crimson irises. You wait patiently, giving her the time she needs. You were always patient with her- though mostly that was because you didn’t want to burn the fuse to her temper. 

“Well, I like ‘em...” Ashe began, tapping her chin with a gloved finger. “And you’ve certainly never protested about ‘em...” She pointed out, which was certainly true. In fact, sometimes, with some of her more intimate nicknames, you could feel your ears start to burn with something akin to embarrassment. “And, well, I like you.” This particular sentence rouses you from your thoughts.  “Come again?” Ashe sighed at this. She didn’t like repeating herself very often.  “I. Like. You.” She repeated herself word for word, but much slower, her voice dripping with sarcasm. This tone made you rather doubtful of the truth behind her words. This seemed to show in your expression, as she shook her head and waved the subject away. “Never mind, never mind.” She sighed, though it was more lighthearted this time. 

She turned on the heel of her boot, beginning to trudge back over the wood of the almost derelict building the gang usually occupied- falling apart simply because of repeated and strenuous use. You left your glass on the surface of the bar, and began to trail after her. “You know...” You broke the almost silence that fell over the hallway you had turned down. “I’m pretty fond of you myself...” You told her, and this seemed to please her. “Oh yeah?” She smiled down at you beneath the brim of her hat. You nodded softly in confirmation.  “Yeah.” 

[wei-yiing]

Ohhoho a drabble you say? How about something with cloud recesses summer school time but a matchmaker takes advantage of all the eligible bachelors in one spot and ensuing wangxian? (Stay well, friend!)

[ anon i saw this and sat on it for three days and i could only produce this awful drabble :') i'm still posting it because i love you. :"") ]

"Sect Leader Lan, you don't have any daughters, do you?"

Jin Guangshan's voice dances in the air as he quietly sips his tea, eyes lidded as he maintains his gaze with Lan Qiren.

"No." He grumbles as he restrains the urge to rub his temple. It would be unbecoming to fidget in front of their honoured guest, but Jin Guangshan is making it awfully difficult not to. "No, there are no female cultivators or next of kin within the Cloud Recesses."

"Well then, I'm sure we can figure something out." The man opposite places his teacup down with a smile. The sparks amidst snow covering the fabric of his clothing is somewhat garish to the eyes. Then again, the entirety of Lanling Jin always announce their presence with the loudness of their appearance. "I'm sure the various sect leaders have daughters that would suit your nephews' taste. And with their good looks and well behaved manner, whichever fair maiden we find should count her stars."

Masking a sigh as a contemplative exhale, Lan Qiren brings his own cup of tea to his lips. As much as wishes that were the case, he knows the situation may not be so easy-flowing with his younger nephew. Lan Wangji has been blessed with an attractive face, and he is Lan Qiren's best student, always devoted and adherent to his strict upbringing; but he's lacking in the charming softness that his brother possesses, and as such, has not quite mastered the nuances of courting a lady. In fact, Lan Wangji never even seems to try. Which, in all honesty, Lan Qiren takes no issue with. He would much rather this than the alternative of Lan Wangji frolicking around with women by his side, or worse, some wretched vixen ruining his good name altogether.

He grips the tea cup tighter.

Alas, Lan Wangji's sub-par social skills result in every attraction towards him being purely superficial, and Lan Qiren does not wish for that, either. Lan Xichen will easily find a sweet, mild woman who will accept every facet of him, but where in the world will they find someone who is willing to look past Lan Wangji's cold demeanor? Where in the world will they find someone that Lan Wangji, the ever-disinterested and studious boy that he is, will take a liking to?

Taking advantage of the congregation of disciples from multiple sects all over the land, Jin Guangshan had travelled to speak on this matter to Lan Qiren personally, putting forth his proposal of a mass-arranged marriage agreement between the five major sects to strengthen their bonds. It's a novel concept, with most sects usually choosing to continue their lineage within the clan. But somehow, Jin Guangshan being Jin Guangshan, he had swayed most of their fellow sect leaders already, and decided that while the disciples are familiarising themselves with one other, it would be a good opportunity for families to mingle and arrangements to be written.

His guest seems to have picked up on his silence as a sign of musing. "Ah, Sect Leader Lan, don't worry. We have so many unorthodox children here, but I assure you, they will all definitely find a match. Is it Second Young Master Lan you are concerned about?"

It seems even Jin Guangshan is aware of the situation. "Yes, somewhat. He is a very particular person."

"Indeed." Jin Guangshan openly sighs, his lips upturned. He takes a second to survey his surroundings, listening to the gentle sound of water cascading in the distance. The air is cool, and peaceful. As the Cloud Recesses should always be. He looks back to the table and opens his mouth. "That hot-headed Young Master from Yunmeng Jiang."

"Young Master Jiang?"

"No, the other one. The dogged and flippant one. He seems to get along with Second Young Master Lan, from what I've heard. Perhaps a political marriage would be good for relations between Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan?"

Lan Qiren stares with a furrow in his brow, before the implication sets in and he abruptly slams his teacup down. "You don't mean."

"Young Master Wei Ying, was it?"

-

"Shi-jie deserves so much better than that pompous, smug... brat. He's a brat. There, I said it."

"Wei-xiong, don't be so loud." Nie Huaisang hides his mouth behind his fan as he walks alongside him. "You've already gotten in trouble for fighting with Jin-xiong once. Don't let anyone hear you again."

"He's right. Wei Wuxian, you can't do anything about it now." On the other side of him, Jiang Cheng huffs in annoyance. "They're betrothed. And at least shi-jie seems to like him. Usually in a political marriage, neither person has any strong feelings on the matter."

"But why does she like him in the first place? He's so... ugh. I just don't understand political marriages."

"Heh. Is that so?" An arrogant voice cuts through the air behind him, and he freezes, as do Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng. Nie Huaisang's fan stops fluttering.

Not you, not now...

"Jin Zixuan."

"Wei Wuxian."

Nie Huaisang leans over, whispering into Wei Wuxian's ear behind his fan. "At least address him formally, Wei-xiong!"

He whispers back, though he makes little effort to conceal it. "Why should I bother when he didn't?"

"You were saying something about political marriages? Very timely."

Jiang Cheng inhales intently next to him, but says nothing, knowing Wei Wuxian already has the arrows of his words drawn. "Are you going to tell me more about your arrangement? I don't want to hear about your opinions regarding your betrothal to my shi-jie, Young Master Jin."

"You're far too presumptuous, Young Master Wei. I was going to tell you nothing of the sort. Well, Sect Leader Lan had intended to tell you himself, but I believe he's having a stroke somewhere, and my father told me to come fetch you."

Nie Huaisang snaps his fan shut. His voice is trembling, though less out of concern and more out of entertainment. "E-Excuse me?"

Jin Zixuan crosses his arms, smirking. "Sect Leader Lan is fine, don't worry. He's just processing the arrangement put forward for you, Young Master Wei. I believe Sect Leader Jiang shall be arriving soon to officiate it."

"Wait, huh?" Jiang Cheng sputters before Wei Wuxian has a chance to. "What arrangement?"

Wei Wuxian had been sincerely hoping he wouldn't be swept up in the tumultuous matchmaking scheme that has infested the Cloud Recesses. From the sounds of it, it seems his fate has been decided for him already. Oh, well, as long as the young maiden doesn't mind his love for fine wine and won't ask too much of him in the way of house chores, he's sure it won't end too badly. He'll be a better husband than Jin Zixuan ever could, that's for sure. "Who's the lucky soul that I'm engaging?"

"Unlucky soul, more like." All three of them stare at Jin Zixuan with wide eyes, waiting for his answer. He snorts, looking off to the side. "Oh, what a coincidence, there he is."

Wei Wuxian violently turns his head to see what Jin Zixuan is seeing. Over on he other side of the courtyard, Lan Wangji is standing before his older brother, and staring back at Wei Wuxian with an unreadable expression on his face. "What? But that's just..."

Jin Zixuan's haughty smile grows wider as he looks Wei Wuxian in the eyes. "You're being engaged to Lan Wangji."

[sweeethinny]

I just want to be the one you love

Summary: "You need to stop rowing with Hestia." [...] "Look—bring her here. The password is 'caraway.' Have a bath. Ask her where she wants things to go after Hogwarts. See what she says. And stop snipping at her in private over unrelated things that you're not even mad about." Lily said.

[...]

At his side, Hestia shot him a glance torn somewhere between fondness and exasperation. "I said I'd be his girlfriend," she said before anyone could prompt her.

"And she suggested it. I didn't even have to ask." - Voyeur by @scriibble-fics

I hope Scriibble doesn't care that I tag her on so many things, sorry dear

---

Sirius felt a little nervous as he walked towards the prefect's bathroom, his palms sweating as if he were a 14 year old teenager about to give his first kiss. It was stupid to feel that way, but he couldn't help feeling it.

He had been fighting with Hestia like a dog and cat, neither of them would give the truce first, and that made them end up fighting over everything, even if it didn't make sense anymore. They started fighting over Sirius to find out that Hestia hadn't told him that the Slytherins had attacked her a few weeks ago, and now, he doesn't even remember anymore why they were fighting.

It was as if anything was capable of making the two of them explode with each other, they could barely spend more than an hour together without starting to scream, and Sirius blamed mainly the fact that things were getting worse with each passing day, they had joined the Order and it looked like the war was getting more and more real, getting closer and closer, and everyone seemed to be going out of their skin with the feeling that in less than a month they would be out of Hogwarts, and consequently out of the most protected place they had.

Or it should be like that, Sirius thought angrily, remembering the Mini Death Eaters' attacks that seemed increasingly excited to do whatever Voldemort told them to do.

'Can I come in?' Sirius asked at the bathroom door, he had already given the password, but he preferred to ask only for security, looking at the wall next to the door instead of the bathtub in the middle of the bathroom, where he could already hear the noises of Hestia.

'Yes.' Her voice was low, as if she were letting her guard down, which Sirius had also done.

First it was Lily who had gone to talk to him, telling him to talk to Hess, then it was James, who seemed a little more irritated by the idea that Sirius was being an idiot.

He also didn't like to fight with her, he hated it, Sirius had been unhappy since things started to fall apart. He missed being hugged to her, their conversations, making her laugh and blushing, Hestia sat on his lap to talk about her day, her hand in his hair, almost making him sleep with affection.

She was already inside the big bathtub, there were several bubbles around her, the sweet and Hestia smell in the air making Sirius a little dizzy, as it always did when her smell was on his clothes. Her hair was already wet, running down her back, one or two strands stuck to her forehead or her cheek, making her look adorable. He could see her bra strap, light pink, and Sirius had to inhale a good deal of air when his imagination worked on the image of Hestia wearing pink.

'Hi.' He was the first to say, standing in front of the bathtub, James' invisibility cloak on his arm along with the clean clothes. Hestia approached the edge, her eyes locked on his.

'Hi.' The girl's cheeks were pink, as they usually were when she was hot, but there was that part in particular, which Sirius noticed turned red whenever she was embarrassed, near her nose, outlining her cheek perfectly. He knew that if he put his hand there, it would be hotter than the rest of her face. It was as if Hestia had a fever whenever she was having an extreme emotion.

It was adorable.

'Aren't you going to come in?' She asked, arms crossed on the edge to keep her balance, Sirius didn't need to see to know that her feet didn't touch the floor in that part of the bathtub.

'Of course,' He went over to the benches there, looking over his shoulder to see her. 'Do you want me to come in?' For some reason, Sirius felt doubly more careful, now that he was trying to make things work, with his guard down. He was not ashamed to show this more insecure side to Hestia.

'Don't be as if I never saw your white ass,' Hestia broke free from the edge, pushing herself back and floating in the middle of the bubbles, making him catch little glimpses of the pink panties she wore. 'Why would we come here if not to get into the bathtub?' The two laughed, Sirius had to turn again before he looked too much at her shiny legs. ‘Don’t tell me you’re ashamed?’

'I just wanted to make sure.' He took off his shirt, then his pants, taking care to keep everything neatly folded, next to his clean clothes.

'Well, I'm telling you to come in, the water is delicious,' Hestia said, but Sirius thought he heard her voice tremble a little, and then the sound of the water of what should be her turning her legs inside. He turned around, wetting his fists and the back of his neck, before jumping in, keeping his eyes open to swim close to Hestia, which was not a smart move, as he can better see how she looked in her pink panties and how she really couldn't put her feet on the floor.

Sirius felt his heart melt with love for her.

He planted his hands on her hips before he emerged, holding her close to him, with the excuse that it was so that Hess didn't have to move her feet like crazy to stay balanced, and not because Sirius felt he needed her close before that something inside him would break.

'Hi.' She said this time, the faces of the two were close enough for them to almost touch their noses.

Her dark brown eyes were perfect, seen up close, it was like seeing precisely the color nuances of a molasses, or a caramel, Sirius had not yet decided.

'Hi, again.' Hess smiled, not that big smile where her eyes got those little wrinkles on the side, but still, it was a smile. 'I missed you,' he admitted, clasping his hands on her hips a little, just because he missed it.

'We saw each other two hours ago ... Or was your mind already eaten alive and you forgot?' She smiled, and this time showing her teeth, and her cheeks took on even more color, especially in that part near her nose.

'You know what I meant.' He wasn't even ashamed to look like a fool in love. 'And my mind was eaten alive, yes, but it was because of you.'

'Me?' Her hands touched his arm, and Sirius didn't even realize that Hestia hadn't touched him yet, until she did. He felt breathless at the sensation of her warm palms holding his biceps, as if to help gain balance. 'I did nothing.'

'For that reason,' Sirius sighed. ‘Sorry for all the fights, I was a little crazy just to imagine someone hurting you.’

'You shouldn't have gone after them, especially after I asked you not to do that.'

'I know, but you understand why I went, don't you? I wouldn’t sleep peacefully thinking that- ’

‘But I asked you not to do it, didn't I?’ Her eyes didn’t seem to get that darkened color of when she got mad, as it happened every other time they argued about it. ‘They don’t deserve all that attention.’

'Doll ...' Sirius sighed in defeat, hiding his head in her neck, intoxicated by her sweet scent. 'I would kill someone if I knew that person hurt you,' he admitted, because it had been his will, if it weren't for James and Remus pushing him into an empty room, trying to get Sirius to think with his head and not with heart.

Unlike the time he dided that prank with Snape, which he didn’t think about and didn’t imagine what could happen to Rem, and all that stupid idea involved, Sirius was aware this time, he probably would have done a lot worse than just playing those Slytherins into a house with an uncontrolled Werewolf. He should remember to thank Remus and James for stopping him.

Sirius was embarrassed for that, after the anger stopped burning inside his chest, and he saw that he had ruined everything, Sirius wanted to cry for the first time in a few good months. Perhaps the last time he had felt so lost and empty, had been when he ran away from home, on vacation last year.

'I know how to take care of myself, you need to trust me.' Hestia hugged him, her head lying on his shoulder, allowing Sirius to have more access to her neck.

'I really trust, I just ... Doll,' Sirius lifted his head, looking into her eyes, wanting her to understand how deeply he loved her. Saying those words was too difficult. 'I trust you, I know you can take care of yourself, I know that, I just ... Hess, I would rather be tortured, than have to see someone hurt you. I would die before I allowed any of my friends or you to be hurt.' Sirius hoped that Hestia understood that she was in a category apart from his friends, not because she was not his friend, but because she was so much more than only that.

'Siri ...' She looked at him as if Sirius were a puppy, her arms wrapped around his neck, her brown eyes never leaving his. 'Don't say that, I never know how to answer.' This time it was Hestia who hid, giving an impulse upward and wrapping her legs around his hips, running away from his eyes when she hid her head in the curvature of his neck.

Sirius wanted to laugh, but the feeling of love that surrounded him when he felt her holding him, looking small in his arms, made him just kiss her head, his eyes closed to support the feeling of his expanded chest with the swirl of emotions.

‘You don’t have to answer, just because you still want to stay here with me, it’s already a good answer.’ He admitted, because it was true.

Sirius was afraid, in the middle of everything, when Hestia moved away from him, when they started fighting and looking a lot like what Prongs and Evans were like at the beginning of the year, and even last year. He didn't like to argue with Hestia, he didn't like fighting with anyone he cared about, but she mostly.

'But I want to, because I feel like I never answer you, and ... Just give me a minute,' she murmured, still clinging to him.

'Are you going to break up with me?' Sirius joked, even though his chest tightened at the thought.

He walked to the stairs, holding Hestia firmly by the thighs, keeping her in his lap as he sat on one of the steps, keeping both of them under the hot water as much as he could.

'I don't think I would be like this with you, if I wanted to break up.' She looked at him, a lovely smile on her lips. 'And it would be a little difficult to be firm when I'm on your lap.' Her cheeks came back with that pink tone that he was in love with, and Sirius laughed at the feeling of happiness that invaded him.

'I'm happy that my lap prevents you from thinking straight.' He straightened up on the bench, not because he wanted to make her realize that it was also difficult for him to think straight when she was sitting there, of course.

'Don't be an idiot,' Hestia laughed, small wrinkles appearing in the corner of her eyes, as she hit his arm, making Sirius laugh too. 'Stop moving, I need to think.'

'Make yourself comfortable, Doll, I'll be here as long as you want.' He leaned on the other step, trying to gain some distance from Hestia just to be able to breathe and think with his head up, keeping his eyes in the foams around them. Sirius knew he would collapse if he paid attention to how pink the color was on her, and how her skin was reddened from the heat of the water.

'I've been thinking,' Hestia started, and he looked at her. ‘I don’t want to be fighting with you and,’ She looked away from him, around the bathroom, as Hestia always did when she needed to think or was embarrassed. 'I know I said other times that I didn't want to, but, I think I was just scared, you know? There is a war out there, I already lost my mum, but at the same time, I don't want to lose you, and just thinking about losing you I almost go crazy. I didn't want you to go and talk to the Slytherins because I don't want them to realize how easy it is to affect you ... I don't want that if you-know-who needs to find a weak link in the Order, they know about you. Do you understand?’ He nodded, resting his hands on her hips again. ‘I like you a lot,’ Sirius smiled, the ego swelling inside his chest, thinking about all the other times that he had been the first to say that, hoping she would return.

'I like you too, a lot,' Sirius said, just because he couldn't keep his mouth shut when Hestia was declaring herself to him.

'Before you arrived, and these past few days, I was thinking about something you said a while ago but I said no, and ... If you still want me to be your girlfriend ...' She bit her bottom lip, and now her cheeks were completely flushed, even her temples looked pink, which was lovely, since Sirius didn't remember seeing her so flushed even when they had sex for the first time.

‘Are you asking me to date you?’ He could only be dreaming, honestly.

'I am.' Hestia rolled her eyes when she noticed the smile that was growing on his face, and Sirius felt that his face could tear at any moment. 'Do you accept being my boyfriend?' She joked, taking his hand on her hip, as if to put a ring on his finger.

'I don't know, I need you to ask Mia and Mont first, you know, out of respect and everything ... And I want flowers, a dozen at least.' The two laughed, but Hestia didn't let go of his hand, kissing his fingers and placing his hand on her cheek, supporting her face there. Sirius missed those moments of affection, warmed him up in a way he had never felt before. 'Of course, I accept. It’s also hard to think when you’re sitting on my lap.’

'Oh, I already know how to convince you to do the things I want, then.' Hestia leaned forward, bringing them closer, and they noses touched again. Sirius realized that they had not kissed until now.

'It is not difficult to convince me, Doll, I am all yours.' He closed his eyes, lost in feeling.

Hestia said nothing, preferring to close their distance and kiss him, calmly first, as if it were the first time again, the two of them still trying to understand how it worked, how they liked it, carefully.. It was he who attacked her most willingly, intoxicated with love, wanting more than anything in that life to kiss her forever, Sirius circled her waist, pulling Hestia closer, while the girl's delicate hands cupped his face.

He should remember to thank Lily tomorrow.

And to shout to the world that Hestia Jones was his girlfriend.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Malec’s problems with communication are probably one of the better handled things the SH writers wrote. It’s nuanced and very in character, it’s speaks to Alec and Magnus’ different histories, personalities, and love languages. It’s never out of malice, it’s just something they genuinely struggle with. They’re the only couple on the show that received the time and care to develop and be shown working on it.

They’re also both badass in their own right and often the voices of reason while the rest of the characters are clowning and creating problems for our boys to solve. I enjoyed other characters and elements of world building but overall I kept coming back for Malec, their relationship and personal struggles.

Personally I really resonated with their communication issues since I had a similar problem with a close friend. I was like Alec- very straightforward and honestly not great at picking up subtleties, while she was similar to Magnus- had trauma and hated confrontation which meant she left hints and downplayed stuff. It’s totally understandable that both she and Magnus struggled to be open and honest. Except she had the nasty habit of blaming me when I didn’t get her hints and telling me it was my lack of empathy hurting her. Thankfully Magnus never did that to Alec. Your answer to that last ask (about post-coital Malec talking about Magnus’ eyes) made me feel better since I always felt guilty that I had failed her when really she had failed herself as it was on her to communicate properly- so thanks. 💜

I think if we had been given more time with our boys Magnus would have had some great growth in not keeping things to himself and I would have loved to see Magnus heal more. It’s what someone with his big heart deserves!

Ps sorry for the long ask & personal story!

no need to apologize! i love any (non hateful obviously lol) asks, but particularly long and personal asks. im not sure how coherent my answer is going to be because i'm still a bit anxious rn and there's a lot on my mind, but here we go

i agree with you. i also relate to alec a lot because my one mode when it comes to emotional communication is open, direct talking. and honestly it's something i am proud of. i am proud of the fact that it's easy for me to just sit someone down and say what i think i feel, because this solves so many problems and is the best way to do it imo. i don't hold it against people who have trauma and struggle to communicate, obviously, because i get that as well. it took me years of therapy to be able to understand that my problems are worth approaching and talking about, not just other ppl's (with other ppl i was always like alec lmao). so like, i get why people might have a hard time being direct about issues, but i'm still proud of myself for being the way i am because i do believe it's the "best" one

and i also suck at catching hints so like 🤷 i make fun of alec and joke about it because i RELATE to it, i think its funny and i see myself in him cuz if u throw a hint my way i am 99% likely to not even notice it hitting me on the face. so jdnfid when im teasing alec i'm not being like "what a dumb useless bitch", im being like lol relatable

and i agree, i think this was an issue that was actually approached and that was nice? and that i think the fandom sometimes latches too much on in the sense of being like OH WOW PROBLEMATIC or something but it's just... an issue they have, you know? and that makes sense and like, every relationship in its initial stages/months is gonna suffer from communication issues until the people involved get a hang of each other and how they work and communicate. it's normal. and it's something i liked and that drove me to malec personally? because while yeah, they had their problems with talking, they always tried (particularly alec) and they always understood each other and never held their differences against each other

i also agree that it's great that magnus never held it against alec (not that i ever thought he would, but it's usually a trope) because yeah we are taught that when in a relationship people should be able to "read" the other and tell what they feel and want, and that leads to a lot of problems imo. because neither part feels like it is their responsibility to communicate clearly and both are always trying to guess what the other wants. it's just an exhausting way to have a relationship and i see it leading to a lot of problems IRL, and a lot of ppl who genuinely believe that a partner who doesn't guess how you feel doesn't love you enough, which is bad not only for that relationship but for the person who doesn't communicate because they don't work on their issues and the trauma behind their communication issues

so i was glad that we never saw magnus act like that. i think magnus is very self aware and he KNOWS that he needs to work on that and he doesn't expect alec to just guess or get angry when he doesn't get it. and alec never held it against him that it's hard for magnus, either, which is also nice. so honestly i liked that that was a great part of their relationship? it's not perfect, but it's not supposed to be, and the fact that they respected each other and tried to listen to each other and make it work the best they could is more important to me than it would have been if they always immediately got what the other meant. i think it's an important message, you know? that relationships are something you build and that they will have problems that need to be worked on over time, cuz ur working with what uve got

so yeah it was a flaw about them that i appreciated, and i liked how the show didnt choose a part of the relationship to be The One At Fault like they so frequently do, they are just two different ppl with two different styles and backstories and baggages doing the best with what they've got. and that is so, so refreshing to see, because i'm tired of couples that are either perfect right off the bat, have problems that are never addressed as problems, or just have every issue be someone's fault when i genuinely believe that when it comes to interpersonal relationships no one is at fault or to blame 99% of the time, it is just that different people's traits might lead to clashing

so like in short i don't think magnus and alec or their relationship is perfect, but i think it's mature and i enjoyed seeing the way they tried to build it. and i relate a little bit to both of them, although in that particular issue i am almost 100% alec

does that make sense? udndi

[anntoldst0ries]

Diagnosis

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who read my previous fic and left such kind comments. You can’t imagine how much I appreciate this!

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Vicky Valentine)

Word Count: 2,911

Summary: Dr Ramsey attempts to diagnose the most difficult case in his career...his own.

Warnings: None! A lot of introspection again and hints of angst :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan Ramsey considered himself a brave man.

He always had the courage to say whatever he wanted to say or what had to be said - be that a terminal diagnosis, savaging someone’s speech at a medical conference (only if the speaker was talking nonsense, that is), scolding an intern - you name it. 

With years of experience under his belt, Dr Ramsey excelled at the “art” of saying the most horrible, unpleasant and inconvenient things. It was a process he took to pieces and mastered every tiniest part.

He knew exactly what they were whispering behind his back in the hospital corridors. Dr Ramsey is a bully. A ruthless cynic. No one survived more than 3 minutes of his tirades without bursting into tears. Or, as some of the interns so lovingly put it, he was “the only survivor of a heart transplant”. The last remark had been conveyed to him by Baz, who found it hilarious…and so did Naveen. It took one deadly look to silence Baz forever, however Naveen used every occasion to remind his protégé of hospital’s favourite joke:

‘How’s your heart, Ethan?’

‘Good, why are you as—‘ Ethan didn’t have a chance to finish answering the question, interrupted by Dr Banerji who was in convulsions.

‘God, Naveen, for such a bright mind and one of the best doctors in the world, I still find it hard to believe that you have a sense of humour of a 5 year old’

‘There is nothing wrong with some joy, Ethan. You should try it sometimes, it may do you good.’

Similar conversations took place on a regular basis, but they always ended with Ethan rolling his eyes and Naveen sighing. Younger doctor would never, ever tell his mentor off, he respected him too much. So Ethan let Dr Banerji have some fun at his expense from time to time.

But, truth be told, he kept his emotions at a leash and he was good at it, because there wasn’t a thing in Ethan’s life that he wasn’t good at. Regardless of what it was - saving people’s lives or emotional self-deprivation.

That’s why reminiscing past 2 years was so hard for accomplished diagnostician. He couldn’t help but think that he’s lived more during this time than he’s lived during his whole life. His existence wasn’t a boring one, he loved his job and the cases that the team had to crack were mostly complex and thus exciting. There was also a sense of fulfilment and servitude to a greater cause.

As a kid, Ethan wanted to be a detective. It all started with Alan buying his son one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s books. There was no hidden intention in this choice - Alan simply ran out of book ideas, Ethan was literally gobbling up the books at his disposal and was thirsty for more. Therefore, Mr Ramsey picked picked one of the thickest positions available in the book shop, with hopes it will keep Ethan occupied for at least a couple of weeks. Oh, how wrong he was - 5 days later his son was already begging for more.

Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot quickly took the top spot on the list of Ethan’s childhood heroes. He was obsessed with their investigative methods, their sharp minds that captured even the tiniest of details and how missing those nuances would make solving a mystery a lot harder, if not impossible. 

That’s why he became obsessed with details. He analysed, compared, observed and noted down everything around him with deliberation. After a while, Ethan realised that these skills come handy in various areas of life. He could read people and to a degree foresee what their next move was going to be. If he wanted to, he could probably try and influence their decisions too. If it wasn’t for Alan’s upbringing, this particular skill might have taken his life onto a dark track, but fortunately he utilised it for greater good.

Having this sort of insight made him very self-conscious and he never turned away from reliving his own decisions and behaviours, which helped him become a better doctor, every single day. But he never wallowed in the mud of emotions, instead always operating on facts.

But for the past couple of months, this process became a pure torture. 

You know what they say, the devil is in the detail. And the devil it was indeed. 

The devil that would be the death of Ethan was 5’4, had raven hair, plumped lips, mesmerising eyes and a captivating laugh. 

Suddenly, he heard the devil’s voice in his head.

‘Are you pinching the bridge of your nose right now?’ 

He was.

‘God dammit!’ - shouted Ethan, so loud that he startled poor Jenner, who resigned from occupying the sofa and ran straight to his bed. Even the retriever, in his doggy wisdom, knew that when his master was upset, it was best to stay out of his sight and wait for the storm to pass.

Whenever Dr Ramsey had a serious dilemma, he would subtly join his thumb and index finger to pinch the gentle skin between eyes. She knew of this somewhat subconscious habit and teased him about it countless times. 

With most people, the whole observing and reading process was a one-sided game. For majority of mortals, Ethan was a closed book and they had no idea how to open, let alone read it. But not Rookie. She saw right through him. Ethan considered himself a riveting mystery thriller before, if we’re talking comparisons, but right now he was probably a cheap Harlequin. How did he sink so low in practically no time?

The answer came before he was even able to finish the question.

He was hopelessly, utterly and irreversibly in love with Dr Vicky Valentine.

“Victoria….” he whispered. He knew her full name, he’s read her bloody application and her employee file many, many times. More than he’d ever care to admit. Neither him nor anyone else addressed her by her full name. She always introduced herself as Vicky and even mentioned to him, June & Baz one time that she considered herself too young to be a bearer of such gracious name. But when the name fell out of his lips, it made perfect sense. Victoria. Victory. After a long, tough and heartbreaking battle, she’s won all of him. And man, wasn’t she fighting fiercely. 

She was so much like him, and yet so different. Patients loved her, and for a good reason - not only was she amazing at her job, but also so genuinely caring about every patient she met. Somehow, she was able to see past people weary of their conditions, instead she always noticed the human beings with their unique stories. Thanks to her, patients never felt like sickness became their identity, but merely a stage in their life that shall soon pass. 

Hospital staff adored her as well, she had time and a huge smile for everyone; her bright aura lit up every room she walked into and was a pleasure to be around. 

Those who knew Ethan a bit better or worked with him were aware of the insanely high standards he was holding himself to. And it would have been fine if they only applied to him, but he held everyone else to the same standard too. It was his buffer. Most gave up without even trying, it was humanly impossible to live up to such expectations. And that was the goal. Dr Ramsey wanted no distractions and if anyone wanted so much as approach him, they had a giant wall to jump over first.

But the young intern wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Dozens of people before her stood in front of the wall and tried to figure out how to get in. And she… she just found a tiny gap and squeezed right through. Before Ethan realised what’s going on, it was already too late. And she wasn’t even fully aware of what she’s done.

Like air, she’s entered his life imperceptibly, filling every space until there was nothing else. She was in every reflection he saw, every smile, every freaking thing a reminder of her, one way or another.

He was completely under her spell, enchanted, drunk in the thought of her.

The most ironic part was that if he went by his unreasonable standards, she’d never stand a chance.

She was messy, she was a klutz, she laughed too loud and rounded her eyes like a child when something seriously excited her.

And yet, something about her made him break all of his rules, lower his guard and re-think everything he’s ever thought he knew and believed in. 

Obviously, he wouldn’t be himself if the occupational quirk did not kick in at some point. Whatever the cause, Dr Ramsey had to get to the bottom of it, no matter how many tests did he have to run on his mind and heart. He needed the diagnosis so he could start the treatment. But his sharp diagnostic skills which made him a famous man, suddenly decided to go on unplanned vacation and it looks like they were not coming back anytime soon.

Ambivalence became Ethan’s newest companion. Some days, he thought he was going to blow his brains out, the others he was strangely content and did not want to analyse anything, things were good just as they were.

For the first time in his life, he felt truly lost. He felt like Jon Snow, he knew nothing. It wasn’t a result of one event, rather a chain reaction. Starting with Naveen getting sick, the inability to figure out what was wrong with his mentor made Ethan seriously doubt his capabilities as a doctor. Then, Louise Ramsey made a surprise reappearance after having walked out on him and his dad 25 years earlier. When he was little, his dad use to say that wherever Louise goes, trouble follows and it wasn’t any different this time. She brought company - insecurity, sorrow, resentment - to name just a few. Ethan felt like someone ripped a band aid from his heart and painfully reminded him that all the wounds are still alive and never really healed. 

And finally, Edenbrook. The place that others saw as walls, glass, beds, people in white coats, sickness, illness, death. To him, it was much, much more. The hospital had almost a transcendental dimension. It was here that Ethan’s transition had been completed. He shed his old skin and became Dr Ramsey, the person he was always meant to be.

That’s why Edenbrook closing hit him so hard - a part of him was about to die and be buried beneath years of sweat, tears and effort. It was probably the hardest thing to come to terms with in the 37 years that he’s been walking on the surface of the Earth.

And throughout all these events, she was with him.

She never gave up on Naveen and Ethan knew that there was more to it than just saving Edenbrook’s most prominent doctor. He believed, he wanted to believe that she did this for him too. 

The memory brought shame that drained off him like unpleasant wave of cold water. Ethan never really forgave himself for just laying in his bed like a drunk bag of potatoes, whilst she was busting her gut to solve the case, even though she had ethics hearing to prepare for. A hearing that could make or break her whole career, before she even had a chance to start.

Dr Ramsey would like to think they were alike. But as a matter of fact, she was a much better person than him.

Then, with his mother in the picture, she never told him what to do. Even though he asked, many times. He hoped someone can actually make the decision for him, because it hurt so much to even think about this, let alone decide what to do next. But she never did. She was just there and by simply being, she empowered him to make his own, informed decision. 

She was there, like no one else was in his entire life. Not to take anything from Naveen, who had tremendous effect on Ethan’s life - but this was completely different.

She penetrated his soul.

She made him feel.

Love.

It was the first time he used this word in a long, long time. 

And maybe, quite possibly, for the first time in his life he used it with intention. 

He thought he felt it once before. 

When he was a student at Johns Hopkins, Ethan met Camille. She was a year older than him, with angelic voice and looks, the cascade of blond locks surrounding her gentle facial features like a halo. 

What impressed him was that she kept hitting up on him, not the other way round. He’s had his mind set on graduating as a top student in his class and then getting the best residency there was - in Edenbrook hospital in Boston. It was either him or someone else. University romances were of no interest to him, or so he thought. After all, he’s just gone past his teenage years and was relatively new to the world of intimate human desires. As much as he tried to push them away, he had needs and his hormones were still a giant part of his decision-making process, doesn’t matter how hard he tried denying it.

Also, there was something motherly about her and she reminded him of the woman who left him when he was just a boy. It was completely fucked-up, he hated his mother and yet a memory of her and how he’d once do anything for her was tattooed in the insides of his brain.

Ethan and Camille shared a passion for medicine, music and opera. A few times, he was close to bringing her down to Providence, to introduce her to Alan, his father. But there was this weird voice in his head stopping him. 

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t overly surprised when one day he walked on Camille. In his bed. Screaming and making other explicit sounds…except, he wasn’t the igniter. It was none other than his best friend at the time, Tobias. Ethan would never forget the jealous glance he shot him with when he first brought Camille to one of the student parties. And then things got worse. Ethan and Tobias always competed and for a long time it was a fuel that kept them both going. But when someone wins, someone has to lose. Neither of them was good at losing or accepting the failure. 

Ethan was doing better than his best friend. Not significantly better, the difference between them had usually been slight, but it was there. Tobias couldn’t swallow this. Not only was Ethan doing better than him, he also had one of the most beautiful students at Hopkins by his side. Jealousy started to spread inside him like a wildfire and since his attempts to beat Ethan at school were futile, he decided to make use of his other skills. Tobias was a born flirter and charmer. He often used to say that no woman can resist his spell and that “where there’s a woman - there’s a way.”

Dr Ramsey never told anyone, but having found out that his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend was sort of relief. Call it sixth sense, an intuition… subconsciously he sort of felt that she wasn’t a girl for him. As for Tobias, he was tired of the fight….of Tobias fighting with him, that is. Ethan wasn’t fighting, he was just a better student and was going to be a better doctor. He was tired of petty competition and how the toxin poisoned their relationship.

So they actually made him a favour and helped him killed 2 birds with 1 stone - he was saved from having an awkward break-up conversation that he’s never went through before and he now had every right to hate Tobias. He didn’t really, as such feelings were a waste of energy, but a week later Tobias moved out of their shared apartment and they never really spoke again.

After Camille, he was only in a brief relationship once. With Harper. He deeply admired and respected her, but when things started getting too serious (from her side), he distanced himself. And so, for a couple of years to follow, they were on the off and on again terms. They went through countless friends with benefits stages, but he genuinely enjoyed her company. They just never wanted the same things, which became more and more evident as she was getting older. And he respected her too much to mess her around.

Ethan’s career was everything to him and he accepted the fact that falling in love and having a family is just not in the cards for him.

Or so he thought.  

Dr Valentine entered his life one September morning and hasn’t left ever since. And, hell, hasn’t he tried to erase her. To make her hate him. To draw a line between work and personal life. He could honestly say that he tried everything.

For the love of God, he ran to fucking Amazon! He tried to hide from all things Dr Valentine, like a fool who forgot one of the most basic rules of life: there is no running away from yourself. 

Tag list (please let me know if you wish to be removed): @terrm9 @openheart12 @openheartthot @rookie-ramsey @alwaysmychoices @brooks-eden @drethanramslay @starrystarrytrouble @justanotherrookie @caseyvalentineramsey@incorrectopenheart @heauxplesslydevoted @perriewinklenerdie @mercury84choices @archxxronrookie @renasalek-blog @maurine07 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @lemonmiddleton @tsrookie @choicesfan10 @dr-colossal-pita @queencarb @gryffindordaughterofathena @qrkowna @aarisa-frost @choicesficwriterscreations

[dreamersleeps]

Hey, have been reading your blog and it is the kind of goldmine I’d brave the dangers of the Klondike for. It is SO GOOD. But I’m also curious on your thoughts on Endeavor playing god, but not understanding the science behind his creations? He seems to think Shouto has an Icyhot Quirk when it’s more likely Shouto is a Chimera. He has two phenotypes, thus one side can only use Icy and the other can only use Fire. Shouto like has TWO Quirks instead of a combination of both. And Enji seems to think Touya inherited Rei’s constitution, yet that might not be the case as according to the Singularity Theory, humans’ Quirks are evolving at a faster pace than the body can keep up with. So Touya might not even HAVE his mother’s constitution but Endeavor just THINKS he does. Also, there is his rivalry with All Might that is completely one-sided. Allmight as All For One which is the Quirk of not a single person but more eight Quirks in one. Endeavor thinks he’s going up against a single man when in reality he’s facing eight men in one.

Hello! First of all I’d like to give a huge apology for how late my response is. Due to the start of the spring semester and some other unexpected life events, this took way longer than expected. 

Thank you so much for your kind comments! 😩💕 It really did put a huge smile on my face and it made my day! It makes me feel very giddy~ When I first started posting on Tumblr, I wasn’t expecting people to actually like or even read the stuff I was writing about or send messages to my inbox since most of my posts kind of make me look like the guy in this meme here: 

I very much appreciate all the comments and asks I receive in my inbox, so thank you for sending yours in. 

Anyways, I’d like to address this from the beginning but, unfortunately when it comes to quirks and how they work, I’m not too sure if I will be able to answer your questions properly. For example I am aware of the Quirk Singularity Theory but I don’t know if I have a good enough understanding of it to form a response I am confident in.. That being said, I will try to answer your other questions and comments the best I can. 

Endeavor Playing God

So, what are my thoughts on Endeavor playing god, but not understanding the science behind his creations? Back when we had the Touya reveal and we got more information about the Todoroki household from the perspective of Todoroki Enji, there were a lot of differing thoughts and opinions about the flashbacks that were floating around Tumblr. I think if I were to give a simple answer to your question, I’d say it was Endeavor’s youth and stubbornness. Looking back at Chapter 291, we can see that Endeavor looks quite young in the flashbacks with Touya, but I’m going to attempt to do the math. 

Seeing that we know that Fuyumi is currently 23, and that Dabi is older than her (I suck at guessing ages) and I’m guessing here that he’s going to be four years or older, since quirks normally manifest around four years of age. That being stated the youngest age Dabi may be currently is 27? Maybe 26.

Keep in mind that I may be off with the “math” I’m doing here but let’s guestimate Dabi’s age as being 26 or 27. Endeavor is currently 46 years old so that means he was 19 or 20 years old when he had Touya. For comparison, Natsuo is currently 19 years old as well. 

At that young of an age, he already had his eyes set on wanting to surpass All Might. His hero name, Endeavor, summarizes his career pretty well: an attempt to achieve a goal. 

With the hellflame quirk he has, and the wealth and power that came with his family name, he really was given a position to act as a “god.” For the sake of his ambitions, Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo and Shouto were born, as his “creations.” 

Touya’s “Weak Constitution” and Shouto’s Quirk 

I’m not going to say that his youth was the main factor for why things happened the way they did because the answer is more complex, but I do think that a combination of his youth and stubbornness fueled Endeavor’s recklessness. He essentially bought his marriage with Rei in order to pass down some sort of combination of the hellflame quirk and Rei’s ice quirk to his children. I think when it comes to the question of whether he understood the science behind what he was doing, I think I can confidently say that he didn’t know in the beginning, or at least it was not something he really looked in to. I think he just saw it as hellflame + ice quirk = child with both quirks as we kind of see in the panel below. 

As you state, Endeavor does see the combination of the two quirks as one. We can see below that he refers to it as, “the ideal quirk.” 

I think that it is also important to point out that Endeavor was, I guess you could say, content when Touya was born even though he only had the hellflame quirk. From the first panel, Endeavor states, “the fire power he possessed was greater  than my own.” 

He continues to say, “He didn’t have a way to overcome the inescapable downside of overheating but... I nevertheless sought to raise the boy to be a hero.” 

That was until it was revealed that Touya’s body could not handle the extreme heat which came with the hellflame quirk. This is when Endeavor began to refer to Touya’s “weakness” as inheriting Rei’s weak constitution. 

Now, the Quirk Singularity Theory and just the genetic science behind quirks has always been kind of difficult for me to wrap my mind around so because of that I do not think that I will be able to give an opinion on it that I would be confident in. However, @/redphlox has a post which has some opinions that I agree with that have to do with Endeavor’s belief that Touya had “a weak constitution and Shouto’s quirk. I will link it here. 

As for Shouto’s quirk, unless the actual meaning and its nuances was lost in translation, his quirk is referred to as “Half-Cold Half Hot” in the English official translation which I think further reinforces the idea that it is not really a singular quirk but a combination of two separate quirks. I agree that Shouto is most likely a Chimera. 

According to Britannica, a chimera is: 

In genetics, an organism or tissue that contains at least two different sets of DNA, most often originating from the fusion of a many different zygotes. 

The term is derived from the chimera of Greek mythology: a fire-breathing monster that was part lion, part goat, and part dragon. 

As seen below we can see the white hair, gray eye and ice quirk on his right side (our left) that he inherited from his mother Rei, and then on his left side (our right), the red hair, teal blue eye and hellflame quirk he inherited from his father Enji. He can only use his ice quirk on his right side and his fire quirk on his right side. 

Shouto’s appearance reminds me of a particular tortoiseshell cat named Venus from a while back. You may have seen her back when photos of her went viral. Tortoiseshell cats are usually chimeras, however Venus was nicknamed the “Chimera Kitten” or “Chimera Cat” even though it is most likely that the chimera mutation isn’t the cause behind her unique (and cute!) appearance. 

Another definition of a chimera is: 

“A chimera... is a composite individual that was made up of cells from at least two different original embryos. If they fuse together early enough, they will become a single organism whose genetic input is from two completely different individuals. In a mosaic, there’s only one individual and it just happens to have different genetic components active in its cells. A chimera would be a much more unusual and unlikely event. - Columbia University Professor of Genetics and Development Virginia Papaioannaou 

The image above depicts Venus the cat however the original source of the photo is unknown. 

Considering that in real life, a chimera is an individual made up of cells from at least two different embryos I think we could kind of apply that sort of argument to Shouto although this is all speculation. To our knowledge, the other Todoroki children were born with only one of their parents’ quirks while Shouto was born with both. 

On Shouto’s fan wiki page, it states: 

If he overuses one element without utilizing the other, then his own body temperature will suffer; the ice half will cause frostbite and the fire half will cause heatstroke, Until his bodily limit is reached however, neither has any visible effect on his body. Shouto can easily negate his weakness by alternating between ice and fire. 

Endeavor had been training Shouto to use his fireside and I think he mostly saw the ice quirk as something that could be used for temperature regulation however, as you suggest Shouto has two separate quirks, both equally strong in their own right. If he used his ice quirk too much, he may have to rely on the hellflame quirk to regulate his body temperature. Both quirks have very high potential on their own and with the aid of the other. 

Anyways going back to the Chimera stuff, I think that although the movie, Heroes Rising isn’t canon, I do think that the inclusion of the villain, Kon Chojuro going by the name of “Chimera” with the quirk of the same name was interesting. He also fits the second definition of the Greek mythological chimera that we had above. 

Even more interesting was that it was with the team of Tenya, Kirishima, Asui and Shouto that took Chimera on, with Shouto making the last blow using his ice quirk. He takes his ice quirk to the extreme and we see his body covered in ice (frostbite?) as a result before he passes out. 

All Might and Endeavor’s One-Sided Rivalry 

Whenever I write about this particular character I feel that I must include a little note like this but everything you see above is not an excuse for what Endeavor has done but a little exploration in to the complexity that is Todoroki Enji. I personally think that he is a very interesting character to look in to.

As you mention, the rivalry between Endeavor and All Might was completely one-sided. I think a large part behind it had to do with their differing ideas of what it means to be a hero. It is from All Might where we tended to see the more ideal-focused concepts of a hero. He was the symbol of peace, the light of hope and an inspiration for children and people all across Japan. In simple terms, a hero is someone who saves, kind of like how we saw Midoriya throughout most of the series. 

As for Endeavor, he fits more in the role of the concept of a hero being an occupation. He had a hard time trying to figure out how to portray himself to the public after All Might retires and even asks him for some advice of what it means to be the number one. Endeavor wanted to be the number one because that meant he is the strongest man/person in Japan. He was constantly training and he was so focused on wanting to achieve his goal that if he was not able to then he wanted to make sure that his own blood would surpass All Might. For him, simple terms a hero meant someone who surpasses and wins. This is kind of like how we saw Bakugo throughout most of the series until recently. 

(I’m not going to go too deep in to this as many other blogs have written amazing analysis and meta posts on Tumblr already but the adults they are often compared to Midoriya and Bakugo’s storylines have been slowly changing to incorporate both saving and winning in to what it means to be a hero.) 

With this one-sided rivalry came Endeavor’s recklessness. I do not think that before and early stages after Touya was born that he really considered the science behind his “creation.” However as soon as it was revealed that Touya could easily get harmed by his quirk, Endeavor definitely should have recognized the consequences of his actions. 

As his hero name suggests, one of his main goals and purposes of being a hero was to accomplish his greatest endeavor, to surpass All Might, which he calls his “eternal goal.” There is an implication here that at the age of 19 Endeavor already believed that there was a good chance that he may not be able to surpass All Might with his own quirk and strength. That is why he sought out a Quirk marriage. 

“Because Toya had more potential than me... I placed my ambitions on his shoulders.” 

Endeavor has a bias towards his own quirk as he wanted an heir with his quirk and blood to become number one. Fuyumi was born and she had inherited Rei’s ice quirk but unless we get some sort of explanation, I think we can assume that Endeavor did not bother trying to training her. I think the same can be said about Natsuo. 

Then Shouto was born and this changed a lot of things. It seems that there was a highly likely chance that Endeavor either greatly diminished his focus on or halted Touya’s training and turned his attention towards Shouto. After all, he was born with what Endeavor believed to be “the ideal quirk.” He probably saw more potential in Shouto carrying his legacy than he did in Touya to become number one. It is likely that it was during this time that Touya “perished” in the fire. 

Now that Endeavor had lost Touya, he was only left with Shouto. Driven by grief and desperation he put everything he had now onto Shouto. Looking back to Chapter 252, Endeavor tells Natsuo:

“Believe it or not... I was never trying to neglect any of you. But... all I could do was blame others and dodge responsibility.” 

His actions and the past state otherwise however if we take his word, then I kind of visualize a man who was aware of the consequences and hurt caused by his actions and cruelty but had refused to actually acknowledge it: whether it was because he was afraid to confront reality, a mix of his stubbornness and desperation, the desire to become number one surpassing every other desire or a combination of all of this.

I always got a feeling from his character that he was someone who chose to believe that “the end would justify the means” as he “lost more” if that makes sense. “Everything that happened could not be all in vain” (although I’d like to point out that acting in this way is very selfish of him) which is why he continued to keep his eyes on the horizon at his goal instead of towards his family. 

As you state, Endeavor was going up against All Might, the carrier of the One for All quirk, and yes, it is interesting that kind of like All for One, it is the carrier of multiple quirks. One of the main differences between how the two quirks function is that one has the ability to pass on quirks and power while the other is the ability to take other quirks and powers. Unfortunately, unless the secret of AFO and OFA come to be known to the public, Endeavor would have never known what he was truly up against and in a nihilistic view, one can say that everything he was and did ended in vain. 

Although I would argue otherwise as this implies the assumption that the birth and existence of the Todoroki children would then had also been “in vain.” This is not true. This would imply that they would only be an extension of his legacy. We see the struggle to separate ones’ identity from their parent and their “destiny” through the contrasting stories of Shouto and Touya. 

In the end, Endeavor did become the number one hero although it was not in the way he envisioned it to be: it was given to him as he was the next in line as the number two hero due to All Might’s retirement. He didn’t win the position by surpassing All Might hence the embarrassment and anger he may have felt when the news was announced. Now that he is (ehhh maybe was? considering where we are in the manga) the number one hero, it seems like that everything he’s been doing and thinking keeps going back to the thought of “because I am the number one hero.” The position he worked hard for, trained hard for and hurt his family for across the decades of his life, forfeited to him by the previous symbol of peace. 

I always return back to the High End vs Endeavor fight whenever I talk about him but that is because there are great symbolic and narrative points that are made during it. Again, it is what establishes him as the number one hero but this is also where he acknowledges the past (however to what extent is debatable). 

I remember when the episode first came out back in 2020, anime watchers were going crazy. It felt like with some viewers, they focused more on the action than the narrative that was taking place. The reason why Endeavor flies so high and captures the hearts and support of the people of Japan in BNHA and a wide majority of us, the watching audience, is so that we can feel the blow later on when he plummets down. Even when I was watching it, I couldn’t help getting goosebumps while listening to the ost and seeing the way the manga panels were interpreted and animated. 

While I had been reading the chapters which I did first, I did not even really care about what was going on. I just kind of brushed Endeavor off to the side at the time. However when I was watching it I even got a little emotional, although I’d like to blame that on the fact that I had just finished a really difficult semester and watching the episodes felt like a cathartic release of stress (hahaha). It was only afterwards I went back to actually re-read and look at what was going on in the manga.  

I hope that I gave the answers, thoughts and opinions that you were looking for. Again, huge apology for answering your questions and comments really late. Thank you @thewilderstorm for sending your thoughts in, I truly appreciate it and loved responding to them!

[sokkathebluewolf]

I am chickened out from gladiator because it is this long and it keeps getting longer is it worth my time to read it ??

... Uh, well. I can’t help but wonder if you’re aware this blog is run by the actual author of the story in question? I don’t know if you expect me to give you a non-biased answer when I’ve considered the story was worth 8 years of my life xD as far as I’m concerned, it absolutely has been worth it, but I can’t speak for the whole wide world when it comes to that. If you want the opinions of readers, there’s probably other blogs run by people who have read the story and who might have critical opinions about it... that may be what you were looking for. If, however, you were deliberately hoping to get my opinion on my own story... well, yes, for me it’s clearly worth it xD Otherwise, I would’ve quit ages ago.

The story is indeed very long and it keeps getting longer, and it will keep getting longer because we’re not done yet and won’t be for a while :’D if you’re the type of reader who can’t stand it when they catch up to stories and have to wait for updates, well, feel free to give it a shot when I’m done writing it, I guess? It’ll be a while until then, but it’s up to you. If you don’t like reading really long stories, then it’s probably better for you if you don’t force yourself to read this one, I know not everyone is ready to dedicate that much time to reading something, especially if they have lots of things to do. Hence, if the length daunts you, that’s alright, it daunts me too and I’m responsible for it xD it’s fine if that deters you from reading it.

But as the way you phrased your question almost sounded like you’re challenging me to give you some sort of sales pitch to catch your attention, let’s see if I can pull it off:

Gladiator is a massive ATLA AU, not only in terms of story length but also scope: it’s a complete rewrite of the entirety of ATLA in a more mature setting, starting chapter 1 with the characters 5 years older than they were in canon. Aang’s adventures in saving the world did not take place here because of a simple enough reason: Katara didn’t accompany Sokka on his boat on the fateful day when they were meant to find Aang, which means the story as we’ve known it simply doesn’t take place. I’ve taken liberties here and there, added some changes from canon when I needed to do so, in order to ensure the story works, but the gist of the story is to set a stage where the Fire Nation marched onwards, practically unopposed, and conquered the Earth Kingdom with the power of Sozin’s Comet (just in case it needs to be clarified, without certain technological developments, Ozai’s wild plan to incinerate the whole world wouldn’t happen, and if Team Avatar isn’t assembled before the Comet shows up, said technological developments simply wouldn’t exist... :’D). I’ve had to figure out how many details would change, how much of the original story would or wouldn’t happen without Team Avatar’s involvement, I think most my choices have been solid, but it’ll be up to you to decide if you think they are or not if you read the story.

The worldbuilding of Gladiator, then, is preeeetty huge and complicated because of that starting point. There’s a lot of elements that are completely new (such as the Gladiator League and all its derivates), some OCs, some lore expansion, so you can definitely say it’s an ambitious project. In a sense, I’ve reset canon to zero, and at the same time I haven’t, which makes things complicated but, for me, really fun to develop. If you’re interested in seeing more of the Avatarverse explored, characters repurposed, with new dynamics and relationships, Gladiator may just be what you’ve been looking for :D

In my experience, the main reason why most people stumble into this fic (other than by sorting FF.net’s ATLA stories by review count and drawing blanks upon glimpsing a Sokkla story on the first page xD) is because they’ve been drawn into Sokkla, or they’re looking for stories centered around Azula or Sokka. Gladiator, evidently, features all three such elements because, obviously, those two are the protagonists and their relationship is the beating heart of the whole tale. I’ve been asked in the past who’s the real protagonist and I honestly still have no idea xD but anyways, if you’re interested in reading a story with a toooooon of Azula character development, even if it takes place across a long, long time, this story may just do the trick. I’ve done the best I could to keep her character as true to what I believed a young adult Azula might become, within the circumstances of this story. She has grown a LOT in 200 chapters, goes without saying (if she hadn’t, I’d be one heck of a failure of an author x’D), so if you’re interested in seeing a slow but effective growth arc for Azula, you’ll certainly find that in Gladiator. Same is true for Sokka, but I think most people who come to this fic for Sokka are interested in seeing him being a badass, which we have plenty of as well xD still, it’s also a long and slow process for Sokka to grow into a powerful warrior, neither him nor Azula start out in the story with all the answers, and they both bump into many hurdles as they navigate their complicated lives.

There’s a lot of humor in Gladiator, perhaps more than expected with a story that has that sort of dark premise, but it’s, on great measure, because Sokka and Azula are inevitably given to banter xD if you want to read a lot of banter between those two, well, you may not be bored in 200 chapters because, while the nature of their exchanges does vary as they both develop, their conversations are usually pretty spirited and they love trying to outsmart each other all the time.

If you are already a Sokkla shipper and the main reason you’re here is because you want more Sokkla goodness in your life... I’ll just say Gladiator has become a bit of a dream come true for me as a Sokkla shipper as well, because it’s the perfect space for me to work with virtually every idea I’ve ever had for these two. Yes, there’s drama and conflict here and there, if you’re not too given to angst there’s a few parts of the story that won’t sit so well with you, though if you love angst you’ll probably enjoy them plenty... yet what I’m most proud of, with this story, is having developed their relationship not only as best I could, but I’ve also attempted to defy typical storytelling structures for romance stories, where the lead couple can’t seem to have a stable relationship because “that would be boring”. Screw that, man: these two have been in a serious relationship together in-story by now for well over half the published chapters, and I’ve had the time of my life writing their dynamics as a couple while the plot continues to develop around them. This, however, is not everyone’s cup of tea, so if you aren’t all that given to seeing such traditional romance storytelling structures dismissed because I wanted to write my favorite ship dealing with all their external struggles while finding strength in the bond they share, Gladiator may not hold your attention long enough for you to devote yourself to reading it beyond chapter 100-ish. On the other hand, if this subversion of romance structure is what you’ve been looking for all your life, or if it’s what you always wanted and never knew you wanted it, or if you’re simply curious as to whether it works or not, Gladiator may suit your interests fairly well. Again, Sokkla is the absolute center of this story, both together and independently, so if you want to see a rewrite of ATLA with them at the core of just... everything? xD that’s absolutely what you’ll find here.

That being said, there’s things I guess you should mind about Gladiator: I have some relatively controversial takes about certain things, including interpretations of fan-favorite characters that some people have been known to take offense over. I, personally, believe my interpretations of those characters don’t deviate that much from canon or that, when they do, the setting itself explains why the deviation works as it does, but due to the fact that I work with a protagonist who was in a villainous role back in ATLA, her relationships with some characters can be more complicated than a lot of people seem to believe they should be. Hence, if you’re not particularly adverse to reading content that brings up big questions about the motivations of certain characters, or how they’d react if the story from ATLA hadn’t happened exactly as it did, you’ll have enough fun in Gladiator. If, however, you don’t particularly care to see anything that shows beloved characters in a not-so-flattering light, this story may not be for you (though, if you’re willing to humor me and allow my story to question your perception of those characters, feel free to try the story as well). 

There’s also a variety of dark themes and situations in Gladiator, something that any reader should be warned about in this day and age: I am 100% against violence for the sake of violence, to name one such subject, and I generally try to portray it with as much nuance as possible, but even if I feature my own characters criticizing their violent world and wanting to put an end to the strife caused by the Fire Nation, some of the violence in Gladiator may be a little too much for the readers who prefer the tone of the original ATLA. Hence, if that’s how it is for you, it’s another reason to approach the story with caution. I won’t pretend I’ve handled every theme and subject perfectly, but I’ve never wanted the darker moments to feel gratuitous in any way, so if you’re open to reading a darker take on the Avatarverse, this may work for you after all.

Alas! If you want to see Azula growing out of the toxic Fire Nation indoctrination, if you want to see Sokka gaining confidence and strength as a man and warrior, if you want to see a fleshed-out but still very much villainous Ozai, if you want to see Toph fulfilling her dreams of joining an all-out fighting league where she can beat people up for a living, if you want to see a myriad of secondary ATLA characters (like Song, or Shoji!) given new lives and even genuine protagonism, if you want to see Zuko discovering he’s allowed to just... be happy? xD Gladiator may prove interesting enough for you.

Furthermore, if you want to see Azula being true friends with Mai and Ty Lee, discovering a dragon, developing new firebending styles, confronting her misplaced beliefs about herself, rebelling subtly (and lately, not so subtly) against her father, growing into a great leader who could change the Fire Nation’s nefarious direction...  aaand if you want to see Sokka fighting creatively (sometimes with TWO swords!), navigating the dangerous waters of interacting with Fire Lord Ozai, staying true to his beliefs while also learning that the world is not as black-and-white as he was raised to think it was, understanding himself better and making the most of his potential as a quick learner, writing embarrassing haiku and being an unapologetic rebel who goes toe-to-toe with Heads of State just because he can... yep. Probably read it? xD

Lastly... if you want to see Sokka and Azula grow through their mistakes, learning to understand each other, fighting side by side, training together, dancing to no music, learning the underrated pleasure of proper communication in a relationship, sassing each other left and right, flirting in ridiculous ways, taunting each other in many regards, laughing at each other’s terrible jokes, protecting each other fiercely, challenging each other to a spicy ramen eating contest, discovering indirect bending, being highly inappropriate at times and places where they shouldn’t be, making long, dangerous yet fun journeys together, sneaking around to meet up when they’re not supposed to, standing by each other in their darkest moments, watching over the other when they’re sick/injured, being ready to sacrifice virtually anything for each other, and even defying and defeating even death to save each other...? Well, I don’t know if there’s any other stories where you might find all of this, but I can guarantee you’ll find it in Gladiator :)

If none of this is convincing enough... that’s a shame, but I understand. If it convinced you to give it a shot, however... I guess I’ll just hope you enjoy it enough to stick around! :) thanks for taking my story into consideration regardless of whatever you decide. Have a nice day!