#the amount of shit a woman has to do to conform and be fit for the “feminist” role is actually??? so???? annoying.

[satoriberry]

complaining about radical feminism bc even though it has a lot of good points, a lot are also very bad part idk what!!!

what the fuck is up with radfems literally seething when they learn that a member of their ideology has a GASPPPPP boyfriend!!! even worse A HUSBAND???? and oh my god can you imagine!!! A CHILD!!!! like what the fuck?? and yes i knowwww its bc blah blah blah inspirations taken from the 4B thing that came out of china and south korea, where the fundamental principles of their feminism is not having any sort of relations with a man nor having any children with one because marriage is a patriarchal institution (when it's a hetero marriage), and giving birth will systematically subjugate a women as mothers ar every handicapped societally and aren't treated fairly.

see im not denying that straight marriage has some dicey elements and that moms get a LOTTTT of shit from society. but why is it that women are shamed for their heterosexuality when it's not something they can control?? like i'm sorry but if a lady wants to marry a dude and have children with him it's literally her choice and if she doesnt thats fine too?? like they start calling her "male-centered" and justify the criticism she's facing which is nuts bc what the fuck do you mean she's male-centered do you hear the words that come out of your mouth?? what the fuck do you mean straight women need to be critical of their attraction to men!!! my brother why are you creating comphet 2.0 but for straight women!!!! this idea that women will be defiled with patriarchy germs if they come into any sort of romantic/sexual contact with a man genuinely feels like the flipside of purity culture but for "feminist" reasons and also it's like the cousin of political lesbianism which is the antithesis of "sexual orientation is uncontrollable".

"participating in male culture" and it's having a boyfriend BE FOR REAL!!! this is such a western concept to me as well bc in many eastern cultures young women have like little to no say when they're faced with the prospect of arranged marriage, and so the fact that you degenerates are complaining about VOLUNTARY marriage in modern societies whereas young girls in other countries don't have that kind of choice is!!! insane!!!! i have so much more to say about this but that's enough for today ig :333

[moonshynecybin]

do you have any thoughts on girl marc? and specifically if her being a girl would have made her do certain things differently bc (presumably) she would have faced a lot of shit in the other classes due to being a woman

every thought I have is like that could be true but also the complete opposite, the only thing I'm confident in is that she would be earth shatteringly hot. like I'm talking fuuuucking crazy gorgeous

there's that picture of marc on the podium in aragon in 2019? girl marc would have killed people

see i have a little trouble with getting into the nitty gritty ‘how would x rider fare as a woman’ of it all because. well there are no women in the grid. and i don’t think that’s because generationally talented motogp superstars is a trait defined by being a cis guy. so if we are doing the gender swap i’m gonna have to like. pantomime these guys experiencing sexism which is an interesting cognitive dissonance to inhabit. like i’m not against a good old horny time (and i think a lot of the time it’s women who imagine these scenarios as a mechanism to like. fill a void that exists in the sport in the first place. would we write as many gender swaps like this if there WERE simply women in the premiere class ??) but it is something i think about, so i’m gonna start there. just as a lil food for thought. interesting sociological phenomenon in sports fandom that i have some complex feelings about. not bad not great.

that all being SAID. wheee fun time. um marc as girl. marc. winning above everything but image always at least a consideration. loves to be hot isn’t the MOST concerned with entirely fitting in a gender box about it as he’s gotten older though he’s still pretty conforming. hmm. i think marc starts her career like long hair straightened compulsively smiling at everybody no matter how sexist they get and. the same sort of murderously crazy on the race track.

i ALSO think. marc’s racing behavior has already earned him a significant amount of haters worldwide even BEFORE sepang-gate and he is a handsome white man. uh oh ! like i think this marc learns a lil earlier a lil harder the lesson that you cannot always care what everyone thinks of you even when it rips you up inside and is in fact significantly traumatic. like people were being WILDLY homophobic to marc in 2015 i cannot imagine how bad it would be for him if he was a girl. but uhhhh all this to say i think she gets a sexy undercut post sepang (it was 2015/16. the only option.) and stops straightening her hair. i also think she hardens up a little more. even less friends even more alex. instagram game would be an absolute MINEFIELD bc it’s one thing to post your own slut back and hole out 9000x as a man it is ANOTHERRRR to do it as a public figure who is a WOMAN. especially coupled with that quote from marc when he was younger about how he didn’t like it when people told him to look sexy in pictures (before he realized he could control that himself on his insta shdhgdgs). in that vein. marc’s catastrophic control issues also interesting. perception wise. good lord. controversial queen

it’s also like. what if you’re the chosen one but aren’t. because he wouldn’t be if he were a girl. would her family pin their financial future on teen marc? would they prioritize alex instead? would marc have to take a different route to the premiere class? would she be the first option for casey stoner’s bike? how much worse would the sepang fallout be? what would marc do to keep winning? keep competing? would it be enough ? like there’s a LOT.

[fangirleaconmigo]

I am feeling all kinds of stuff tonight. So I'm taking a break from my regularly scheduled fandom programming and bringing you this, my post ,as a feminist, about trans rights. I feel like with all the shit going on right now, it's good to let people know where you stand, damn the consequences.

Alright.

Those of you who follow me know that I lost a dear friend to suicide a few weeks ago. She was a caring, kind human being, and a butch lesbian woman.

I was just sitting here tonight going through all of the facebook posts she ever tagged me in, just crying again and missing her. And I came across one very very long post she made a few years ago that I had completely forgotten about.

One day in 2017 she poured out her heart about being kicked out of a women's restroom at the Y again. She was very tall and athletic and had short hair, and this was not the first time it had happened to her.

Her post is lengthy and the heartbreak she felt being rejected from womanhood for her 'unfeminine' appearance is so visceral and so painful. She had experienced an intense amount of violent gender based and homophobic abuse in her life. She felt a deep, deep connection with her womanhood and with other women.

If you've read my other posts about her, you know that she liked to call her woman friends "warrior women" and have "yaya sisterhood" bonfire parties at her house. She always built us up. She gave a shit about other women, so sincerely.

So to see her pain again about this, about the way that she was constantly being 'defined out of' woman hood and treated as a predator made me enraged all over again.

I don't get involved in arguments online if I can at all help it (you all have noticed that I'm sure, I'm here to have a good time). But please let me share something personal here for a moment. If you follow me and were ever curious about where I stand, (being a feminist online during these horrible times) here it is.

Transphobia. Hurts. All. Women. Transphobia. Is. Not. Feminism. Transphobia is hate.

Mari is not the only butch friend I have who has been treated like a predator, kicked out of bathrooms, and been treated as an outsider to woman hood for visibly 'failing' a visual femininity test. It is such a stab to the gut to be rejected by your own people.

Yes, she was a cis woman. But she was still rejected by those who define women down to 'femininity' and 'clocking' as a woman, and being small and dainty and shit. She suffered from that. We all fucking suffer from that. I have another butch queer friend who this happens to. She gets kicked out of bathrooms. It's never happened when I'm there, which is probably better for everyone, because I get so enraged on her behalf just hearing about it. I'm a deeply nonviolent person but in person, I don't know what I'd do.

So let us be clear. All of the anti-trans bullshit going on, all the transphobia going absolutely bonkers online right now, makes literally all of this even worse and more hostile for women. All women.

For as long as we require women to 'clock' as uber feminine, for as long as we police women's genitalia when they walk into a restroom, for as long as we make queer women feel like predators for not conforming to social pressures of femininity, WE WILL BE ABUSING OURSELVES. WE WILL BE POISONING OURSELVES TO FIT IN WITH THE CONSERVATIVE, TRADITIONAL, HOMOPHOBIC MAINSTREAM WHO FUCKING HATES US.

Let me say that again, so this is clear. THEY FUCKING HATE US.

I don't give a shit what they say about feminism. "Oh, we are here to protect you from trans women"

Shut the ENTIRE fuck up. Just stop. I've lived on this earth as a woman for 46 goddamned years. You cannot pee on my leg and tell me it's goddamned raining.

Every time I've been politically disenfranchised, oppressed, underestimated, exploited, IT HAS BEEN BY THE RIGHT WING POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT. IT HAS BEEN BY MISOGYNISTIC CISHET MEN AND THEIR HELPMATES, USUALLY CISHET UPPER CLASS WHITE CHRISTIAN WOMEN.

The thing that oppresses women are the systems and cultures of misogyny. Are you telling me trans women built those? lmaooooooooooooo get the entire fuck out.

They always say...oh, trans women can't be women because of the 'female experience'. So let this experienced female tell you that I fucking see you. I see you lying through your teeth about suddenly giving a shit about us.

I see you.

Young cis women, budding feminists. Do not let these people tell you that it's feminist to reject trans women. Do not let them say it's feminist to lament trans men and the 'loss' that purportedly represents to womanhood. Fuck that. It isn't feminism. It regressive. It's bigotry.

Do you not see how, every fucking time they talk about trans women they bring up rape?

Why? Ask yourself why?

Are trans women more likely to rape? No. Statistically, factually, they are most likely to be raped.

Is there some fuckn loophole somewhere that says trans women can legally rape people? And we gotta do something about that?

NO! In fact, in the US, it's functionally legal to assault and even kill trans women. These dudes are always fucking getting away with it, they just have to claim they were 'surprised' or some shit.

So then why do they always bring up rape?

Because they are trying to create an association between trans women and predatory behavior. To vilify them. As a Mexican American woman let me tell you that this is EXACTLY like when Trump brought up Mexican people EVERY FUCKN TIME he immediately brought up rape and drugs.

It's creating a connection in the minds of your audience. It is a process of hate. It is a process of dehumanization. And what does it directly precede? An oppressive action. They do it when they want to persecute a group of people and they don't want anyone to stop them.

It's hate and it should chill you to your core. They are out there killing these women! They are abusing and killing trans women, and trying to make you hate them so they can accrue even more clout and power. If you claim to be a decent human being, I'm gonna need you to give a fuck about that.

Then they act like they do it out of feminism.

They say...oh, we support women being 'unfeminine'. Trans men, for example, should just be butches and not trans their genders...

Oh fuck you. I was there. I was called every name in the book for not being feminine enough. It was right wingers who told me I should have been born a man. That I needed to change. To conform.

And now these same people are saying...oh we're on your side. We think we should get rid of gender stereotypes, not have all this trans-ness going.

Fuck you, you don't care about gender stereotypes.

Kids, never, ever, ever, ever trust someone who allies with alt right, far right, homophobic conservatives. They don't care about you. They aren't feminist.

Every election period I am reminded of who my sisters are. My cishet so called sisters who vote right wing with their husbands and ally with their whiteness and their class are not my fucking sisters. (I'm American, but I know this isn't unique to us)

If you support autonomy for women, and I mean ALL women, then you are my sister (or brother, or sibling, I claim you, I fuck with you is what I'm saying). If you lift up other women, the way my friend Mari did, then I claim you.

But if you claim to believe in improving the lives of all women, then that simply must include trans women.

Your so called feminism simply cannot include mocking women for looking masculine. It simply cannot include defining women by their genitalia. It simply cannot include policing women's genitalia or child rearing capacity.

They say...oh define women. Give us a definition then. You lose because you can't define women.

Fuck you.

I don't need to define women. I just need to love women, to be in solidarity with women. And I do. I support us. I volunteer for Planned Parenthood. I give money to pro-choice women who run for office. (again, women who support women) My home stays open to women leaving abusive relationships. I've housed at least five women over the past five years. I don't talk about it online because that's not why I do it. I do it because we need to stick together. So that's what I do. I march. I care. I give a shit.

And I appreciate anyone who stands with us of any gender you've got. Men? Awesome, stand right here. You've got a new gender? Fucking awesome. Stand right here. Hold this sign.

And as for trans women?

They are trying to legislate trans women's rights to medical procedures, to access to their own bodies.

I know what that's like.

They want to humiliate trans women for not meeting this high standard of 'feminine'

Shit, I know that what that's like too.

They want to define trans women by their internal organs and demean them for not functioning as a womb?

Me too, sister.

The thing is, I believe in trans women. In all trans people. Do you seriously fucking think that seven billion unruly human goddamn beings can (or should) neatly fit into ONE OF TWO FUCKING BOXES AND STAY THERE OBEDIENTLY NO MATTER WHAT THEIR OWN COMFORT AND HAPPINESS DICTATES? That's the most implausible, deranged thing I've ever heard.

Gender and social roles exist to serve humans. NOT the other way around.

I will always believe this. Human well-being first. Human dignity first. Social roles if they help, if they fit, if people like them. If not, chuck em.

So, yeah. I know this is a fandom blog. But I'm sitting here reading my friend's pain posthumously and I'm so angry. I'm just so angry.

How do I wrap this up? I don't know. I don't know everything. I'm not an expert or a scientist. I'm an Old and I have to google half the words I see online that people use when they talk about their gender or sexual orientation. (I've learned a lot these past few years on here!) So I'm not the expert. I don't understand it all. (who does??? LITerally NO ONE). I've made mistakes, I'll keep making mistakes. Unproblematic? I don't know her. No one does. Our asses are all problematic.

I just know that I give a shit about people, that I care about my fellow women, and that is literally all you have to do. And anyone who harasses, abuses, or just makes their lives miserable in general is on my shit list.

So yeah. Trans rights, folks. And feminists? If your feminism includes genitalia checks, it's not feminism it's fucking bigotry.

Thanks for reading x

[rollercoasterwords]

hie rae! i have query/a dichotomy about gender and shit that i would love you to share your thoughts on (if you feel like it, no pressure!). i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender (do you do gender studies?) but first i just wanted to say how much i love your fanfics! they're some of my favs ever honestly and thank you so much for writing them!

i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender

ok, so basically one of friends was staying at my flat a few days ago, i mentioned (jokingly) that i feel like a bad feminist when i shave my face but that i hate having hair on my face too much to not shave it. for reference i'm a brown cis women who has a fair amount of facial hair and i have been shaving my face since i was a teen. my friend (who's trans) pointed out that she also shaves her face regularly but that for her, its a form of gender affirming care and so would it be possible that its also that for me?. we're both really interested in gender and the elements of performance in it and so we spent ages talking about it and couldn't really come to a conclusion. the thing that i was wondering about especially is that when i do shave my face, it doesn't really feel like its affirming my gender - it feels more motivated by insecurity and the desire to conform. so do you think it would be possible that for cis women it is possible for shaving to be gender affirming or is it all a product of our socialisation/ the beauty industry?

sorry for the mess that this ask is, i hope you can understand it! thanks!  💙💙💙 

hi!! ty 4 the kind words i'm glad u like my fics <3 and i do in fact study gender studies lol there are of course many people v knowledgeable abt these topics tho it's not like i'm the foremost expert etc. happy 2 be ur tumblr smart person 4 the day tho & happy 2 share my thoughts!

so in the first place i don't necessarily think a distinction between trans/cis is useful here in determining whether something can/should be considered "gender affirming," nor do i necessarily think there's a strict dichotomy between "gender affirming" beauty practices versus "it's just socialized" or whatever. every woman is going 2 have different experiences with & reasons behind shaving, and oftentimes those differences will not map neatly onto a binary of trans/cis in which one side always finds the experience affirming and the other does not. additionally, all beauty practices are socialized in the first place & will often engender a mix of feelings that don't fit neatly into "this is 100% affirming" versus "this is absolutely not affirming in any way."

i think it's easy to say "shaving is just patriarchal conditioning for women and we need to stop to be good feminists!!" but that sentiment also fails to recognize that many women derive very real economic and social benefits by conforming to beauty standards, and many women furthermore find it necessary to shave to mitigate violence they might otherwise face. it doesn't mean it's a good thing that these standards exist (beauty in and of itself is always a tool of power imo), but it also makes it, in my opinion, kind of pointless to quibble over whether it's "feminist" to shave or not; each person faces their own set of material conditions that they have to navigate. also, the things an individual person chooses to do with their body hair really don't strike me as incredibly important in like...the grand scheme of Feminist Action, y'know? the entire question seems to lie more in the realm of like...personal feeling & decision making, and in that instance i am a supporter of total bodily autonomy. everyone picks and chooses their own battles when it comes to what beauty standards to adhere to; i don't shave my body hair, for example, but i'm scheduled to undergo a cosmetic surgical procedure in a few months, and for me there isn't a clear divide between the medical/gender affirming/socialized beauty standards reasons that i've chosen to do so. physical pain is one factor, but i'd be lying to myself if i said that i haven't been socialized to think about gender & the way it relates to my own body and appearance, and that that isn't factoring in as well. even if surgery is "affirming" for me, i still don't necessarily know that i'd call it a feminist action so much as something i'm doing to make my body easier to live in.

anyway, all that is to say--no, i don't think shaving makes you "a bad feminist." and i don't doubt your friend when she says that shaving is gender affirming for her. you both have different experiences when it comes to shaving, though, and if you've reflected on this and don't feel like shaving is something you really want to do, then maybe consider seeing what it's like if you stop--not to become "a better feminist," bc again, i don't think whether you personally shave is going to make or break Feminism, but bc it might make you happier. personally, my experience when i've stopped partaking in certain beauty routines or practices is that there's a period of insecurity at first which slowly fades as i've realized that most people really don't notice all the things about my body that i do. but that's my personal experience; if you decide to stop shaving and find that there are conditions in your life that make it too difficult, it's not worth agonizing over if you decide to start again, or to shave sometimes. in general i think this sort of individualistic emphasis on whether or not every single thing a person does is "feminist" is not useful tbh, nor do i think personal feelings of empowerment or affirmation are the best yardstick 4 measuring whether a certain action is "feminist"

[hjellacott]

I am not transphobic - I just don't believe in gender ideology.

— Gender ideology: The belief that anyone can be a man or a woman just because they say so, accompanied by the belief that your clothes or your hairstyle define your gender. They also don't believe or see the importance of sex, which makes them consider sexual orientation changes with their gender, and that gays or lesbians are transphobic for having sex-based preferences.

— Actual transgender people: People of the male sex (Gender Non-Conforming Men) or the female sex (GNC Women) suffering and diagnosed with gender dysphoria who seek treatment and hopefully a cure for it through becoming transgender men or transgender women using hormone replacement treatments and/or sex-change surgeries. They become trans men or trans women, never just men, never just women. Their sexual orientation is NOT affected by this, since sexual orientation refers to SEX, as the name implies. Therefore if you're a GNC gay man, once you become a trans woman you are still a GNC gay man who's transitioned to trans woman.

— Gender dysphoria: A mental disorder (not illness, although it can cause illness) and mental health problem included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association, which makes people who suffer from it feel that they do not match their sex. As a health issue, it is diagnosed by doctors and there are treatments available such as hormone replacement or surgery, but treatment focuses on management on the problem rather than in gender ideology. This is because, according to the NHS:

"Children may show an interest in clothes or toys that society tells us are more often associated with the opposite gender. [...] However, this type of behaviour is reasonably common in childhood and is part of growing up. It does not mean that all children behaving this way have gender dysphoria or other gender identity issues. A small number of children may feel lasting and severe distress, which gets worse as they get older."

Because gender dysphoria is reasonably common in childhood, and can be managed through therapy, health experts do recommend waiting until adulthood to make any drastic decisions such as surgery or hormone replacement to transition, since these do have long-lasting consequences. If you find any doctor pressuring you to have these treatments in childhood, they're extremely likely to be under social pressure to say so, and/or to be receiving large amounts of money from the gender ideology lobby. For example, private clinics, organisations such as Mermaids "Charity" and the pharmacy industry make A SHIT TON (and I'm talking thousands of millions of dollars) of money through offering help so children can transition, so it is highly convenient for them to pressure you to think you need to transition ASAP (or otherwise you won't look handsome).

Will you actually look less beautiful if you wait until adulthood to decide to transition? BIG FAT NO. Your beauty will depend on your fitness, your overall health, your diet, how pretty you were pre-transition, your hairstyle, and so on.

FOR EXAMPLE: One of my closest friends from childhood is a GNC Gay Man who had always suffered from gender dysphoria pretty much since birth, which he tried to fix through identifying as gay, and which he has eventually completely healed through hormonal treatment and letting his hair grow long, changing his name into a woman's name and identifying as a trans woman. As a trans woman, she is now 27, began transitioning about two years ago, and she's stunning, with long, blonde, curly hair, and piercing blue eyes. And she hasn't had any surgery yet. ANOTHER EXAMPLE I used to date a GNC woman who at the time was in her twenties, identified as a lesbian, and had always suffered from gender dysphoria but hadn't admitted it to her doctor so she wasn't under treatment and had severe depression and had hurt herself. In our relationship I noticed what was going on and I began suggesting she might be suffering from gender dysphoria. Now, after our relationship ended, we both moved on, and we've remained the best of friends, she is in her 30s and has JUST begun going by he, uses a male name, is going to therapy, has been officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria and is identifying as a transgender man. He is somebody who's worked in healthcare his whole life, so he's not going to go around calling himself a man and pretending to be a man, he knows he is a woman biologically speaking, with a health problem under treatment. And about a year into hormonal treatment, he is slowly morphing into a more masculine-looking person before my eyes, he's growing a beard, getting fit, and personally, I do think he's quite handsome, just like he looked beautiful as a woman as well. Also, no surgery yet. A THIRD EXAMPLE a few years ago I met and befriended here in Tumblr a man in his thirties who has severe autistic and was involuntarily celibate, severely unhappy with his looks, not in the LGBT community, and spent his days locked in his room, isolated from the world, not wanting any part in it. We were friends for three years without him ever mentioning a single word about the LGBT community, even when I was in it. One day, he suddenly began saying he was a woman. It lasted him a year, during which he could enter women's spaces, and if he wanted to he could've raped them. In fact he might've. He stopped talking to me because I was baffled at his sudden change and thought he was just incel and unhappy with his looks, but his sister has informed me that he's gone back to being a man.

— Trans erasure:

Erasing the prefix "trans" or the word transgender and pretending that trans men are men or trans women are women is falling into the gender ideology cult, does trans people no favours, and it erases and ignores the health challenges and difficulties that only trans people face. Calling themselves trans tells everyone that they suffer from as a mental health problem that causes actual suffering and that requires treatment and help. That helps the rest of us realise the kind of help they need, the kind of empathy and kindness they require, helps trans people be able to access free transitioning treatment in public healthcare, because they've got a diagnosis, and gets them help so that they can be happy so they don't go and kill themselves. Using the word trans saves lives. Erasing it, playing pretend, is playing into a massive mental health problem, making it worse, worsening the symptoms of health dysphoria (imagine your sex is male, but you call yourself a woman, everyone calls you a woman, then you look in the mirror and see beard, of course you'll get terribly upset and feel the world is lying to you) and also putting actual women and trans women in brutal danger, because you're allowing anyone to pretend they're women and allowing them into spaces where women are vulnerable and unprotected.

It is important to prove you've got gender dysphoria with a proper diagnosis, therapy and a doctor's involvement because if we just believe anybody's word saying they're trans with no proof, we risk causing them major issues and also, we're giving them limited healthcare resources other people will need more. Think of it like believing somebody's blind just because they say so, and giving them a free dog guide when an actually blind person will need it more.

Erasing trans is erasing all the difficulties they will have for being trans that you won't, and pretending that they don't need treatment, thus making it harder for them to receive it free of charge. And when you play into the whole gender cult movement, you're sending a bunch of not actual trans people into trans people's resources, taking them from those who actually need them, so that people like my friends have to wait twice as long as usual to access treatment because they've got, for example, a bunch of guys wanting to be women for sex or for a kink.

So next time you're about to call me a terf, or to pretend I'm transphobic, or wondering why I nevere shut up about this, think for a second that I've trans loved-ones I deeply care about and I have to protect, stand up for and make sure they can access the healthcare they need, because they're actual trans people, real trans people, who don't go around pretending to be anything else, who know and have been diagnosed with mental health problems and are desperately trying to treat themselves.

And when a bunch of gender cult assholes playing games all go around demanding hormones at the same time, medicines that real trans people and that many cancer patients actually NEED, they're raising the demand and the prices until they sky-ricochet and making it harder for them to get the medicines they can't live without.

[amphtaminedreams]

J.K Rowling & The Echo Chamber of TERFs: Why Nobody Wants your Transphobic “Opinion”

TW// Discussion of Sexual Assault and Transphobia

SO...

I’ve seen the term “allyship fatigue” going round a lot lately on Twitter, since the issues of police brutality, institutional racism, and now transphobia have taken central stage.

And it’s weird. To be honest, hearing other white cis people calling themselves “allies” has always sounded kinda self-congratulatory. Taking this to the level of martyrdom that the phrase “allyship fatigue” evokes makes me want to heave. It’s shit that anyone even has to be saying Black Lives STILL Matter, but it does seem to unfortunately be the case that every time there is a highly publicised murder of a black individual by police, the explosion of us white people calling ourselves allies and retweeting and reblogging statements of solidarity only lasts so long before half revert back to being complacent with and uncritical of a world seeped with casual racism. Is that what “allyship fatigue” is? The excuse for that? Not only does the term take the focus off of the marginalised group the movement is centred around but it makes supporting equal rights sound like some kind of heroic burden we’ve chosen to take on rather than addressing a debt we owe and being not even good but just plain decent human beings. WE are not the ones shouldering the weight here, and if your mental health is suffering, that is not the fault of the people asking for their rights. Log off. We have the privilege to do that. It just doesn’t need to be a spectacle.

At the same time, this public onslaught of ignorance and hatred that the coverage of the Black Lives Matter movement has triggered (that let me again emphasise, black people have had to involuntarily be on the receiving end of their whole lives) and the frustration and anger that comes from seeing these absolute trash takes from people with no research into the subject who build their argument purely on “what about”isms is do-I-even-want-to-bring-children-into-this-fucking-world levels of miserable. In terms of earth beginning to look more and more like the prequel describing the events which lead up to a dystopian novel, the chaos of the last 4 weeks or so (2020 has not only shattered the illusion of time but also danced on the shards, I know) is the tip of the iceberg. I saw a thread about what’s going on in Yemen at the moment, which I had no idea about, and immediately felt consumed by guilt that I didn’t know. With the advent of social media, there’s been this sudden evolutionary shift where we’re almost required and expected to know about, have an opinion on, and be empathetic with every humanitarian crisis at once. I think young people feel this especially, which is why I say that sometimes it’s worth talking to an older person before you brush them off as a racist or a homophobe and see if they’re open to hearing different opinions-in general, I think we’re a generation that is used to being expected to consume a huge amount of information at once. They are not. For a lot (NOT all) of the older, middle-class, white population, ignorance isn’t a conscious choice, it is the natural way of life. The parameters of empathy until very recently have only had to extend just past your closest circle of friends to encompass people you “relate to”. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of caring about other things, and sometimes we owe them a chance to change their perspective first, if for no reason other than to advance the cause of, well, basic human rights for all.

So where does J.K Rowling come into all this? I hear you ask. Why doesn’t she just stop rambling? You potentially wonder. Well, I’m getting to it. 

J.K Rowling isn’t an unconsciously ignorant people. She is what I would call consciously ignorant. And of all weeks to flaunt this ignorance, she chose a time when people are already drowning in a cesspit of hatred. The woman whose whole book series supposedly revolves around the battle between good and evil didn’t even try to drain the swamp. She instead added a bucket of her transphobic vitriol into it. 

Let me preface this by saying that I wouldn’t wipe my arse with the Sun. What they did with the statement she made regarding her previous abusive relationship, seeking out said abusive partner for an interview and putting it on the front page with the headline “I slapped J.K”, whilst expected from the bunch of cretinous bottom feeders who work there, is disgusting. That being said, the pattern of behaviour J.K Rowling has exhibited since she first became an online presence is equally disgusting, and just because the Sun have been their usual shithead selves, doesn’t mean we should forget the issue at hand, that issue being her ongoing transphobia and erasure of trans women from women’s rights.

As I’m sure is the case for many people on Tumblr, J.K Rowling has always been such a huge inspiration for me, and Harry Potter was my entire childhood. My obsession with it continued until I was at least 16 and is what got me through the very shit years of being a teenager, and that will forever be the case. I’m not here to discuss the whole separation of the art from the artist thing because whilst I ordinarily don’t think that’s really possible, at this point the “Harry Potter universe” has become much bigger than J.K herself. I was so pleased to see Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint all affirm their support for trans rights-I was raised on the films up until the 4th one which I wasn’t old enough to see at the cinema, and the DVD was at the top of my Christmas list. They were always my Harry, Hermione and Ron. It was only between the fourth and fifth films that I started to read the books to fill that gaping in-between-movies hole, but as I grew up, I read them over and over and over again. Any of the subtext that people are talking about now in light of her antisemitism and transphobia went completely over my head, though who knows, whilst I can sit here and write that I’m certain I didn’t, maybe I did pick up some unconscious biases along the way? The art/artist discussion is a complex one and I don’t know if I’ll ever read the books again at this point.

There was absolutely no subtext, however, in the “think piece” on J.K’s website addressing the response to her transphobic tweets. There wasn’t all that much to unpack in the first tirade, they were quite openly dismissive-first that womanhood is defined by whether or not one experiences menstruation (I currently don’t due to health issues but I’m betting this wouldn’t make me any less woman in her eyes), and second, regurgitating an article which furthers the fallacy that trans women simply existing erases the existence of cisgender lesbian women. Rowling’s initial response to the backlash was to blame it on a glass of red wine, I think? Which is such a weird go-to excuse for celebrities because not once have I ever got drunk and completely changed my belief system. If you’re not transphobic sober, you don’t suddenly become transphobic drunk. What you are saying is that you’re not usually publicly transphobic (which isn’t even the case with Rowling because this is hardly her first flirtation with bigotry via social media) but that whoopsies! You drank some wine and suddenly thought it was acceptable!

Now what is her excuse for the formal response she wrote to the backlash, dripping with transphobic dog whistles and straight up misinformation (UPDATE: and as of yesterday, blocking Stephen King quite literally for replying to her with the tweet “trans women are women”, in case you thought that this whole thing was a case of her intentions being misconstrued)? Drunk tweets are one thing but if she managed to write a whole fucking essay whilst pissed I imagine there’s a lot of university students out there who’d pay her good money to learn that skill.

Here is the bottom line. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. There is no discussion around that. And if you don’t understand why, at the very least, you can be respectful of the way a person chooses to identify, especially when that person is an already targeted minority.

Obviously, sex and gender are complex things. Based on the fact that we don’t walk around with our nether-regions out, we generally navigate our way through the world using our gender and the way we present our gender. Gender of course means many different things to many different people; some see it as a sliding scale kind of thing whereas some people can’t see themselves on the scale at all, and choose to use terms other than man or woman to express how they identify. But, whatever gender one chooses to identify as, we live in a modern world-with all the scientific advancements we’ve made and all that we now know about the brain, using what is between people’s legs to define them is an ignorant, outdated copout. You’ll find that a lot of transphobes can live in harmony with trans women who conform, who have classically feminine features, maybe facial feminisation surgery, trans women who keep quiet about how they’re seen by cis women and don’t kick up “too much of a fuss” (which is in itself still a perfectly valid, brave and understandable way to live your life after years of feeling like you don’t fit in btw). The trans women that Joanne and her friends take the most issue with is the ones who want to expand what womanhood means and stretch the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable, destroying the confines of simplistic model that TERFs feel comfortable operating within. The ones who fight to be recognised as no “lesser” than cis women. Calling a person a TERF is quite literally just asserting that they are someone who wants to exclude trans women from their definition of womanhood, or in other words wants to cling to the old, obsolete model. If J.K Rowling cannot let the statement “trans women are women” go unchallenged (which we’ve seen from her response to Stephen King’s tweet she cannot), then she is by definition a TERF. It’s not a slur. It’s a descriptor indicating the movement she has chosen to associate herself with. Associating the descriptor of the position you so vehemently refuse to denounce in spite of all evidence and information offered to you with the concept of a “witch hunt” when trans women are ACTUALLY brutally murdered for an innate part of their identity is insulting, at the very least.

Let’s get this straight: despite transphobes trying to conflate sex with gender and arguing that sex is the only “real” identifier of the two, our existence on this planet and our perception of this world is a gendered experience. It is our brain, where the majority of researchers agree that gender lies, which decides and dictates not only who we are and how we feel but also how we interact with everyone around us. I don’t think it’s an outlandish statement to say that when it comes to who we are as people, that flesh machine protected by our skull is the key player.  PSA for transphobes everywhere: when people say penises have a mind of their own, they are NOT talking literally. The more you know. 

Gender is obviously a much newer concept than sex-it is both influenced by and interacts with every element of our lives. It’s also much more complex, in that there are still many gaps in our understanding. I assume these two factors combined with the familiarity of the (usually) binary model of biological sex are a part of why TERFS fundamentally reject the importance of gender in favour of the latter. Yes, most of the time, we feel our gender corresponds with our sex, but not always, and nor is there any concrete proof that this has to be the case. Most studies tend to agree that our brains start out as blank slates, that we grow into the gender we are assigned based on our bodies. In other words, our sex only defines our gender insofar as the historical assumption that they are the same thing, which in turn exposes us to certain cultural expectations. To any TERFs that have somehow ended up here-if you haven’t already, I suggest looking into the research of Gina Rippon, a neuroscientist whom has spent a large portion of her professional career analysing the data of sex differences in the brain. Whilst she originally set out to find some kind of consistent variance between the brains of the 2 prominent sexes to back up the idea that the brains of men and women are inherently different, she found nothing of significance-individual differences, yes, but no consistent similarities in the brains of one sex that were not present in the other. Once differences in brain size were accounted for, “well-known” sex differences in key structures disappeared-in terms of proportion, these structures take up the same amount of space in the brain regardless of sex. Her findings are best summed up by her response to the question: are there any significant differences in the brain based on sex alone? Her answer is no. To suggest otherwise is “neurofoolishness”. Not only does her research help put to bed the myth that our brains are sexed along with the rest of our bodies during development (this is now believed to happen separately, meaning the sex of our bodies and brains may not correspond), but also the idea propagated by the patriarchy for centuries that basically boils down to “boys will be boys”-a myth used to condone male sexual violence against women and even against each other on the basis that it is inherent and “can't be helped”. That they are just “built differently”. Maybe at one point in human evolution, men were conditioned to fight and women were conditioned to protect, but whilst the idea remains and continues to affect our societal structures (and thus said cultural expectations), we’ve moved on. I mean we evolved from fish for fuck’s sake but you don’t see us breathing underwater. 

Gender identity is based on many things and admittedly we don’t fully have the complete picture yet. The effects that socialisation and gender norms in particular, as much as we don’t want them to exist, have on our brain are huge; there’s evidence that they can leave epigenetic marks, or in other words cause structural changes in the brain which drive biological functions and features as diverse as memory, development and disease susceptibility. Socialisation alters the way our individual brains develop as we grow up, and as much as I’d love to see gender norms disappear, they’ll probably be around for a long time to come, as will their ramifications. The gap between explaining how socialisation affects the brain of cisgender individuals compared to the brains of transgender or non-binary individuals is not yet totally clear, but as with every supposed cause and effect psychology tries to uncover, there are outliers and individual differences. No, brains are not inherently male or female at birth but they are all different, and can be affected by socialisation differently. In one particularly groundbreaking study conducted by Dick Swaab of the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience, postmortems of the brains of transgender women revealed that the structure of one of the areas in the brain most important to sexual behaviour more closely resembled the postmortem brains of cisgender women than those of cisgender men-it’s also important that these differences did not appear to be attributable to the influence of endogenous sex hormone fluctuations or hormone treatment in adulthood.

Maybe dysphoria is something that evolves organically and environmental factors don’t even come into it. Like I said, we don’t have the whole picture. What we DO know is that for some people, as soon as they become self-aware, that dysphoria is there, and the evidence for THAT, for there being common variations between the brains of cisgender individuals and transgender individuals, is overwhelming. You can be trapped in a body that does not correspond with how your brain functions, or how you wish to see yourself. Do individuals like J.K Rowling really believe it is ethical to reinforce the idea that we are defined by our sex and that our sex should decide the course of our lives, should decide how we are treated? That we should reduce people to genitals and chromosomes when our gender, the lens through which we see and interact with the world, could be completely different? Do they not see anything wrong with perpetuating the feelings of “otherness” and dysphoria in trans individuals that results from society’s refusal to see them as anything more than what body parts they have? In a collaboration between UCLA MA neuroscience student Jonathan Vanhoecke and Ivanka Savic at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, the statistics collected pointed to what trans activists have always been trying to get at-the areas of the brain responsible for our sense of our identity showed far more neural activity in the brains of trans individuals when they were looking at depictions of their body that had been changed to match their gender identity than when this wasn’t the case; when they saw themselves with a body that corresponded with their gender identity, when they were “valid” by society’s definition, they felt more themselves. When J.K Rowling tells trans people that their “real identity” is the sex they were born with, she is denying them this right to be themselves and due to her large platform, encouraging others to do the same. YOU are doing that, J.K. And who knows why? Where does your transphobia come from? Peel back the bullshit layers of waffle about feeling silenced and threatened, which you know you are directing at the wrong group of people, and admit it’s for less noble reasons. Taking the time to unlearn the instinct embedded into your generation to see people according to the cultural status quo of biological determinism is effort, I know-but you wrote a 700+ page book. I’m sure you can manage it. Or is it an ego thing? You don’t want to admit that you may have been uneducated on gender and sex in the past, and now have to stick by your reductive position so your image as an “intellectual” isn’t compromised. I don’t know. Only you do. But your position is irresponsible and dangerous either way. You can make up bullshit reasons as to why the link between trans individuals and the incidence of suicide attempts and completions isn’t relevant or representative of the struggle that trans people face due to the hatred that people like you propagate but it is there, and you J.K Rowling, someone who has spoken in the past about the horror of depression, should know better. You should know better than to CLAIM you know better than the experienced researchers who have found the same pattern time and time again-that the likelihood of trans individuals committing suicide is significantly higher than that of cis people. 

No, Rowling’s transphobia has never been as upfront as saying “I don’t believe transgender people exist” but she continues to imply that when she makes claims such as womanhood being defined by whether or not one experiences menstruation, and the completely subjective concept of whether an individual has faced sex-based violence from cisgender men. I’m sure she’d be out here taking chromosome proof cards like Oysters if it wasn’t for intersex individuals throwing her whole binary jam into a tailspin. Yep, there’s even suggestions that the binary biological model might not be so binary these days-just because two people have, say, XY chromosomes, does not mean that these chromosomes are genetically identical between individuals-the genes they carry can, and do, vary and so their actions and expressions of sex vary. 

Ideally, what TERFs want to do with their language of “real womanhood” is create an exclusive club that trans women are left out of when they too suffer under the same patriarchal society that those who are born female do. Yes, they might not experience ALL the issues a person born with female genitalia do, but no two women’s life experiences are the same anyway. Trans women also have their own horrible experiences with the patriarchy, and are often victims of a specific kind of gendered violence that is purported by the idea of “real womanhood”. Don’t throw trans sisters under the bus because you’re angry about your experience as a woman on this planet-direct your anger at the fucking bus. Don’t claim that “many trans people regret their decision to transition” when the statistics overwhelmingly show that this is the EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE of the truth (according to British charity organisation Mermaids, surgical regret is proportionately very low amongst gender affirmation outpatients and research suggesting otherwise has been broadly disproven) because you’ve spoken to a selective group of trans individuals probably handpicked by the TERFS you associate with to confirm their biases, and then have the nerve to claim that trans-activists live in echo chambers on top of that. Don’t use anecdotes and one-off incidences where “trans women” (I say trans women in quotation marks because we’re pretty much talking about a completely statistically insignificant group of perverted cis men who have, according to TERFs, somehow come to the conclusion that going through transition will make their already easy-to-get-away-with hobby of assaulting women even...easier to get away with?) have committed sexual crimes to demonise and paint as predatory group who are largely at risk and in 99.9% of situations, the ones being preyed on. It’s a point so disgusting that trans activists shouldn’t even have to respond to it, but the idea that an individual would go to the pains of legally changing their gender and potentially the hell of the harassment that trans people face, the multiple year long NHS waiting lists to see specialist doctors,  just so that they can gain access to women only spaces is ridiculous. It’s worth noting here just how sinister you repeatedly bringing up this phantom threat of cis men becoming trans women in order to assault women in “women only” spaces is. The implication here is that they should use the toilet corresponding to the sex they were born as, right? Because it’s all about safety? Well, statistically speaking, far more trans women are abused whilst having to use men’s toilets than when they use women’s ones and the same goes for trans men, and yet you don’t mention it once. Your suggestion also puts people born female who identify as women but maybe do not dress or present in a typically feminine way at risk of being ostracised when THEY need to use the women’s bathroom. The idea that by ceasing to uphold values like yours we are putting women at risk is quite simply, unsubstantiated; the legislation to allow individuals to use the bathroom corresponding to whichever gender they legally identify as has been around since 2010 in the UK and yet we’ve yet to see the sudden spike in the number of women being assaulted in bathrooms you imply will exist if we create looser rules around gender identity and let people use whichever toilet they feel the need to. Similarly, in a study of US school districts, Media Matters found that 17 around the country with protections for trans people, which collectively cover more than 600,000 students, had no problems with harassment in bathrooms or locker rooms after implementing their policies. If cis men want to assault women, they will. They don’t need to pretend to be trans to do so. Don’t pretend to be speaking as a concerned ally of LGBTQ+ individuals when you’re ignoring the thoughts of the majority of individuals who come under that category.

(Just Some of the Trans Women Murdered for Being Trans Over the Last Couple of Years, L-R: Serena Valzquez, Riah Milton, Bee Love Slater, Naomi Hersi, Layla Pelaez, and Dominique Fells)

Trans women are not the threat here. Bigots like you are the threat. HOW DARE you use your platform to reinforce this rhetoric that gets trans people killed when there are so many much MUCH more important things going on right now. Two black trans women had been murdered just for being black trans women in the week you wrote your essay defending those initial tweets. This is an ongoing issue. As a cis woman, my opinion should read as sacred texts to you right, Joanne? Because I’ll say with my whole chest that I feel far more threatened by bigots like you who do not care for the harmful impact of their words than I do by trans women. I do not feel threatened by trans women AT ALL. And yeah, to me, unless they tell me otherwise that they like to go out their way to affirm their trans-ness (which I completely respect-it takes a lot of courage to be proud about your past in a world that condemns you for it), they’re just WOMEN like any other. Yes their experience of “womanhood” may be different to mine but no two individuals experiences are the same anyway and our gender related suffering has the same cause. As a rich, white, cis woman, it’s wild that you are painting yourself as the victim in this debate when trans people can face life in prison and in some places a death sentence for openly identifying with a gender different to their sex in a lot of countries. Nobody is saying that you can’t talk about cis women. Nobody is saying you can’t talk about lesbian issues either, though it’s a bit of a piss-take that you like to throw that whole trans women erase lesbian existence argument out there as a kind of trump card to say “look, I can’t be a transphobe, I’m an LGBTQ+ ally!”, an argument akin to the racist’s age old “I can’t be racist, I have black friends!”. You know from the responses you get to your transphobia that majority of the LGBTQ+ community are very much adamant that trans women are “real women” and that the same goes for trans men being “real men”, so don’t claim to speak for them. You cannot simultaneously care about LGBTQ+ rights and deny trans people their right to live as who they are, however veiled your sentiments around that may be. The whole gay rights movement of the 60s and 70s exist partially BECAUSE of black trans women such as Martha P Johnson if you didn’t know, and though it’s kinda common knowledge I’m doubting that you do because very little of what you tout is backed up by any kind of research. The articles you retweet, echoing the views of lesbians who also happen to be TERFs do not count-the idea that trans people existing simultaneously erases the existence of lesbians only applies to individuals such as yourself who don’t see trans women as women in the first place. That is the problem! Most people don’t have an issue with the fact that you may have a preference for certain genitalia, but I would argue that ignoring exceptional circumstances related to trauma or some other complex issue, relationships are supposed to be with the person as a whole, not their “organic” penis or vagina and it’s kind of insulting to anyone in a same sex relationship to reduce their bond to that.

Back to my point though, of course there are issues that cis women and lesbians face that need talking about, but trans people are affected by the same patriarchal system. You don’t need to go out of your way to mention that they’re not included in whichever given specific issue when there are also cis women who may not have experienced some of the things TERFs reference. You especially don’t need to act as if trans women are the reason we need to have these discussions in the first place. As I’ve said, as MANY women have said, repeatedly-they are NOT the threat here. It is disgusting to see someone I once had so much admiration for constantly punch down at a group that is already marginalised.  It’s 2020, J.K, there’s so much info out there. YOU’RE A FULLY GROWN WOMAN. There’s no justification. We get it, you had a tomboy phase. You weren’t like “other girls”. You didn’t like living under a patriarchal system. So you think you understand the mindset of people who want to transition. You think you’re not doing anything wrong by helping to slow the advancement of trans rights because well, you turned out fine? But you clearly fundamentally misunderstand what being trans is. It’s not about your likes and dislikes and having issues with the experience of being a woman (god knows we all do but I doubt anyone truly thinks for one moment that being trans would be any easier), it’s about how you think and feel at your core. It’s such a complex issue, and all the majority of trans people are asking you to do is LISTEN to them. You may be determined to live in binaries, yet the bigger picture is always more complex and fluid and it’s ever-changing, so all we can do is keep an open mind and keep wanting to know more and gather more evidence. If you’re capable of the mental gymnastics required to retcon the piece of work you wrote in the 90s to make it seem as if you were “ahead of the diversity game”, to the extent that you are now claiming Voldermort’s snake has always actually been a Korean woman and see nothing wrong with that when paired with the fact that the only Asian character you originally included was called Cho Chang, then well…I’m sure you can put your ego aside and do the groundwork to understand what trans people are trying to tell you too. You inspired a lot of children and teenagers and even adults, and got them through some very difficult times, taught that the strength of one’s character matters far more than what anyone thinks of you. You claimed you wanted to stand up for the outcasts.

Well, stand up for the outcasts. Now’s a better time than any. And once again: TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN AND TRANS MEN ARE MEN. They shouldn’t have to hear anything else.

Lauren x

[DISCLAIMER: shitty collages are mine but the background is not, let me know if you are aware of the artist so I can credit!]

[whereconfusionisarhyme]

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

NO

NO

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

Oh

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

[pom-seedss]

You know, my aunt had breast cancer and had to get a double mastectomy.... She passed away when I was young because of complications and returning cancers.

But I just think about how ashamed she was for being forced to get her breasts removed. How she felt like less of a woman. How she regretted the decision even though it gave her years more life to live, because she was ashamed to be a woman without breasts. I cannot imagine her living through this era of people so focused on shitting on people with top surgery scars.

A lot of transphobia around surgery is also ableist as fucking hell. No amount of focusing on the idea of ‘healthy breasts’ will be able to deflect their shaming away from people who don’t have healthy breasts. They’d have seen my aunt’s top scars and immediately dog pile her for ‘cutting off perfectly healthy breasts!’ when she didn’t have that.

Like, I know the image is supposed to be a trans man, and I really don’t want  to take away from that, but frankly it could easily also be a woman who survived breast cancer and these people would still be foaming at the mouth about it and it makes me so angry.

They would have seen my aunt as a failed woman for prioritizing her life over her breasts and quite frankly they did make her feel that way already.  Transphobes don’t even care about cis women, the cruelty is the point. It has nothing to do with health or healthy tissue, they’ll see top scars on anyone and pitch a fucking fit.

The control is the point. The conformity is the point.

On this week's "Why are the transphobes mad?" - A Costa Coffee graphic of a trans masc person surfing.

I wonder what M&S think of this...

Oh.

Oh.

[vesperlionheart]

STAG

For @sariasprincy because she wanted this waaaay back when and I finally got around to attempting my hand at Dark!Tobirama Sakura. :D

He watched her pull her hair up, catching it with her fingers when it started to slip free. She ran her free hand over her neck, starting at the base where the peaks of her bones stuck out, bent as she was over the river. He felt just as trapped as the fish in her net, watching her pale fingers follow the curve of her neck, suddenly too dry and hoarse for words.

With silent fingers made skilled from year of weaving, she tied up her hair to keep it out of her eyes, and then looped it again into a bun she fastened with a hair stick that could have been a twig for how crude it looked. A few stray curls framed her face, rebellious and free as she straightened and let the sun fall over her profile once more.

Nothing else adored her figure, no metal or stone or bead or weaving decorated her as she set about hauling up her catch from the nets. A moment later he realized why that was so odd. She wasn’t dressed as the other women in his village were ought to do. She didn’t even wear skirts, but instead waded into the water with clinging damp trousers that rolled up just above her knee.

Someone called to her and she caught the thick rope out of the air before twisting it around her fist and digging into the shifting river bed. She set her shoulders and turned the shape of her body away from the source, then he saw her move, pulling the weight up from under the water.  

“I told you, brother, the freshest fish in the land right here. Even at market they’re not still wriggling,” Hashirama laughed. “You fancy some for dinner?”

“That,” Tobirama began, still somehow unable to look away, “should be obvious considering this was the reason for your troublesome expedition.”

It took some effort, but he manage the swallow, blink, and force his face away in that order. He caught sight of a pair of scarred fishermen wading out of the water with cages under their arms and the sight was enough to ease him back into his casual displeasure. He did not want his brother to get any ideas about their expedition being somehow enjoyable. If Hashirama ever got that into his head there would be no end to the nagging.

“It does you more good than you’re willing to admit to get out of that tower of yours,” Hashirama huffed. “You stay cooped up in your stoney prison all day and all night for months and years on end of course your personality is going to grow stale. I’m afraid I can’t take you anywhere that might make you happy.”

“I’m perfectly happy at home with my books and my work,” Tobirama lied.

Hashirama reached for his brother and drew him into a side hug, smushing their shoulders together.  “You work far too hard for such an unfavored wizard.”

“We can’t all marry princesses with lands as vast as east is from the west and grow fat for our daughters. Some of us must contribute to this wretched earth.” 

 Tobirama felt his lip curl as he pushed out of his brother’s hold and then straightened the front of his frock. It was pale gray with the crest of a black stag across the heart. A single pendant on a gold chain, vibrating with stored magic, hung down from around his neck.

Unlike his brother Tobirama dressed in muted colors of black and gray and didn’t decorate himself with many metals or jewels unless it served a function he could justify. If need arose, he could use the Hag’s Eye to unleash a simple lightning strike. All Hashirama’s ring could do was glitter.

Most days he never needed much more than his cantrips. It had been many years since his initiation into the Philosopher’s Guild and his promotion to Providence Wizard. There weren’t many others who were of his caliber anymore, and even fewer who could make him believe they were even a challenge. It had been so long he forgot what his limits were, sometimes.

“You said you wanted something different for dinner, so lets get some fish before the best tails are taken!” The cheerful Lord exclaimed, pushing past his brother and hailing down a pretty help maid who was setting up baskets for sale.

“Who even says such ridiculous things?” Behind Hashirama’s back Tobirama mocked his older brother in a higher voice that wasn’t nearly as flattering as the original. “Before the tails are taken. Pssssh.”

He froze when he heard a petite snort just over his shoulder.

Spinning on his heel he couldn’t help but raise his guard. Someone was close enough without his notice and as powerful as he was, he wasn’t without his enemies. 

The long tails of his sleeves flapped out at his side as he raised his hands for fire magic, but it was only his face that heated.

The lovely vision of a woman he had been transfixed on earlier stood with a crate under her arm, resting on her hip.

“Mister,” she called with a smile so bright and white it should have been a warning. “Will you buy from me today?”

-

“Of course I know about you. Anyone in the seven hills who has ever had to pay with copper knows about you,” Sakura laughed in an exasperated way. She leaned back on the end of the bar’s edge with her elbows. She let the leg she had crossed over the other bounce teasingly. “Why, you thought you were being subtle?”

“We have not been formally introduced. I know not your family and you-”

Sakura held up a hand to stop him and like some sort of strange magic he did. She was bewitching and pretty, but after enough encounters he was almost positive there was something more than just her own womanly charms that bound him so.

“We don’t do that sort of thing around these parts. No one under this roof doesn’t have to slave for his bread and home, mister wizard.” There was a rough tilt in her words, something rural and easy that made her words fit the landscape better than his own polished ones. She spoke like a local and he was, as always, the odd sheep out. He didn’t…hate the sound of her voice, even if she said a few things wrong or addressed him incorrectly.

“High Wizard or Tower Wizard would be more appropriate,” he corrected. In spite of his self imposed confidence, he felt himself tug on the end of his tunic and fret with the hem of its fabric. Something possessed him to worry if it was properly pressed and not wrinkled in her presence.

“Makes no difference to me,” Sakura said. She reached for her ale and drank deep before replacing it on the bar by her side. “I’m not working in the rivers today, so why bother me here mister high tower wizard?”

He could tell the way she said it none of his names were title, only worthless words in her mouth….her pretty perfect mouth. She shook himself free of the thought and pressed on with his business.

“You’re untrained, but you are not without the gift.”

Sakura stilled but then eased back into the bounce of her leg. She glanced over her shoulder and pointed to her empty tankard before wiggling two fingers. When the bar keep turned away to fill her order Sakura turned around as well.

“That wouldn’t be quite true, sir. It’s not legal to train the magic folk unless they’re sworn to a crowned figure. No one here has any magic.”

“Nature conforms to no man.”

“Yet it grows for the wizards and their towers,” Sakura countered quickly.

“You’re not as untrained as you first appear, I believe,” Tobirama pressed. He dared a step closer.

“Depends on your definition of trained and untrained, sir. I’ve never practiced magic in no tower or school, but I work the rivers and the fields when its time and I sew with the women and wash with them too. I can fix most of the carts in town and deliver most of the livestock too if the need rises for it. I’m half decent as a midwife because of necessity and some say I’m not shit at cards neither. Maybe I’m not magic trained, but I get by.”

Two tankards were set down behind her arm and she reached to drink from the second one.

“Are you unwilling to learn and develop your gift?” he asked.

He almost cringed, watching her down the first drink in a single breath. He thought she might offer him the second drink, but then she reached for it too replacing her empty tankard with the third one.

“No such thing, told you, we know it’s illegal. Any gift in any babe is prayed out of them right away. No exception.”

“But you’re not from around here, are you?”

Sakura didn’t drink, but stilled with the tankard close to her chin. She seemed to be staring down into it, watching something in her amber colored reflection.

“Oh?”

“Your accent is unusual, and I might not have noticed it at first because all rural accents seem to sound the same, but there is a difference. Where were you born?”

Sakura laughed, reaching out with the toe of her bouncing leg to touch his knee before turning around in her seat to finish the last of her drink. With her back to him she left the money on the table and then slid off the stool. Once on her own two feet, her petite stature became all the more apparent. Tobirama towered over her.

“I’m sorry mister tower wizard, but that’s too fun a story to not save for later when you actually get to know me.” She sauntered to the door and then turned on a half spin before ducking out. “Next time offer to buy my drinks you dumbass.”  

-

She was magic, he was sure of it. She was as rough as anything unpolished is bound to be when found in the wilds of nature, be he would be the riverbed that shaped her into her greatest potential if only she would let him.

But she was as vexing as she was enchanting.

She didn’t talk to him when she was working, and if she was selling she wouldn’t say anything to his questions and queries unless he purchased something, and sometimes she made him purchase more than he was willing to use just to get her responses. What was he supposed to do with four dozen river crab? He didn’t even like crab. No amount of butter was going to change that.

When she was at the pub she liked to play cards and he could usually get her to talk to him if he played with her, and he wasn’t bad, but her luck and perception was blessed by some higher power, be it fay or the Unknown or some organized god.

She spoke best after winning when he bought her alcohol.

He had learned where she came from, or as much as she knew anyway. Left behind as a baby in Oberon’s Forest and raised by working men, she had been trained to close off the part of her that gravitated towards things unexplained for fear of causing her foster family grief. The things she couldn’t help, like the suggestion and calming of emotions was something she had never been able to stifle.

“It’s funny how that doesn’t work on you,” she said once.

“I’m far too stimulated around you to be calmed by something so passive as a cantrip.”

She asked him to explain his words but he bought her another drink instead and then asked for his wine to be paired with a nice cheese and bread. She laughed and almost fell out of her chair, but it wasn’t because the beer, because it never was. She could drink a horse’s weight in ale and still do cartwheels.

In the past three months he had left his tower for a small town in his providence more times than he had in the six years he had been stationed there. He wasn’t sure that was a good or bad thing yet, but he knew it wasn’t going to change until he got what he wanted.

“You’re always asking me questions, why don’t you ever answer mine?” Sakura complained.

“You never ask me anything,” he said. His heart felt a little heavy.

“You never let me get a question in. You just start talking about yourself all on your own. Here’s a secret for you, honey, I never listen when you do that.” Sakura pulled her chair closer to his and he didn’t flinch, but his breathing might have skipped.

“I think I am insulted.”

Sakura waved her hand between them. “Don’t be, it’s the same as with everyone who’s stuck up. I don’t listen to any of them none either.”

“You think I’m stuck up?”

Sakura reached out and traced the embroidery of a gray stag on his black tunic. “Yeah, a little. Not the way your brother is because that man’s a eyeful of concentrated sunlight in the middle of summer if you know what I mean, but you got it with your wine and your cheese and the subtle ways you correct how I speak.”

His tunic wasn’t thin, but he could feel her finger on his skin under where she traced her pattern and it made him painfully aware of the fact that he had never had a woman trace any patterns on his skin with the exception of maybe his mother, maybe?

Sakura splayed her hand over the stag design and then looked up. “Who is it?”

He managed to still form words. “Who are you referring to?”

“The stag. Who is it? He’s on almost all your clothes.”

“He’s the horned king of the woods, and the creature I conducted my graduate thesis on in the academy. He’s not as well known, but he’s believed to be the one who carries the magic filled from life into death in his great antlers.”

“Poetic.”

“I was told he was morbid.”

“I wouldn’t mind being carried off that way.”

“I doubt you have to worry about that anytime soon.” He reached out and touched her face, proud of himself for daring so. There was a faint scar that had only been bleeding and deep two days ago when one of the crab traps snapped and shattered. “You heal unnaturally fast.”

“I eat my vegetables.”

“You are still clumsy,” he sighed, finding another cut behind her ear that wasn’t as well healed.

He used a cantrip to knit the skin back together and reduce the scarring. She pulled back when he was done and ran her hand over the skin, marveling at the feel.

“You can just do that?”

“Among other things. If you were willing to learn you could manage as much I’m sure.”

Sakura grinned and then dropped her hand. “No thanks. I appreciate the offer, but it doesn’t matter as much if I just have you to heal things for me.”

He didn’t like the way he felt when she said it, even though he knew he would of course do what he could if she were in need. Maybe it was his pride she hurt. “Don’t count on me so much. I wouldn’t always be there if you needed it. I have other duties I must see to, duties that call me away to far lands.”

“You’re fast,” she said around a yawn.

He didn’t think that was a fair thing for her to say, because of course he was fast. He had mastered the Misty Step decades ago and could travel across the different realities and astral planes with just a bit of help. If she called he would be there, like it or not, but she didn’t need to know that and count on it. 

It wasn’t like he was exclusively beholden to her whims or anything like that.

Sakura put her money down on the table and Tobirama scrambled to find his own money pouch for the food and drink, but she was already walking away. He dropped the silver coins and then a single gold in tip, scooping up her coins and jogging after her to grab at her wrist. She struggled at first but he huffed, calling her annoying for fighting him before pushing the copper and silver pieces into her hand.

“You know these were all originally yours, right?”

“You worked for them.”

Sakura snorted. “Did you ever eat the crabs?”

He fought the sneer at the thought of having to consume the hideous, crawling creatures. “They’re perfectly comfortable in their habitat at the tower until I have need of their…buttered meat.”

Sakura laughed, accepting the money. “I think I take advantage of you.”

“No one takes advantage of me unless I let them. If I did not wish it, not even your pathetic dredges of magic could sway me to deposit a single copper in your palm, but be as it is, I may do as I please.”

She stopped in the doorway, looking up at him, and he though he saw her react to something relating to him; maybe his words or maybe his face. She was still like a doe caught in a wolf’s sights. A terrible thought pressed into his mind when he thought of her like that. How easy would it be to just spirit her away into his tower without doors?  His tower where only those he took could leave and enter, how would she fare?

“It’ll be cold soon, please keep yourself well,” he whispered, leaning in to brush the end of his thumb over the skin he had healed. When she blinked he was gone.

-

Night frost came much sooner than anyone expected, and the villagers rushed like mad to make themselves ready and save what they could of their late harvests. Snow was still weeks off, not until the next month if the pattern of years was to be believed, but the cold was ever present, crawling down the throats of youths and making stupid men sick.

Tobirama took to donning his wolf furs when he went out on more and more errands for the Lords and King who seemed just as eager to put his magic to use for them. With the cold seasons more monster came out from the woods and waters to try and grab what they could of man meat before long sleeps. There had been several smaller Basilisks and even a Chimera he had been tasked with. Most populations on the edges needed to deal with simple were beasts and he hated being called out to deal with something a trifle wizard could handle.

It was several weeks before he could find the time to slip away and find her again.

Men still fished, but he found Sakura outside a woman’s barn with her hands and wrists still dripping in blood. She stared off into the distance not really seeing anything.

He stopped at her side and waited for an explanation.

“Can you bring anyone back from the dead?” Her voice cracked like wrinkled paper in her throat and made him wince.

“No, that is the forbidden magics that I am sword to protect the world against. I can start a stopped heart and force air into empty lungs, and sometimes I can save people who have started to die, but I can not resurrect the dead, no one can.”

Sakura turned her hazy eyes in his direction, searching for his face. “Why?”

He wasn’t sure what she meant, but he felt like there was no answer he could give her that would put her spirit to rest so he reached out and magiced the filth and blood off her hands, then wiped her tears away with his own two thumbs, holding her face as she started to waver.

“You are weary. Rest.”

He tugged her into his arms and she let him. The wolf fur cushioned her head and she snuggled into it, helping him affirm his choice to don it in the first place. He brought her back to the place she lived, the place she sometimes called home, even thought he wanted nothing more than to spirit her away to his tower and claim ignorance when others came calling.

No one else was home so he set her in the bed and then went off to find out what had happened.

One of the women in the village had a sick birth and no one had been able to stop the bleeding. Sakura had been present along with the elder healer, but even Chiyo said there was nothing either of them could have done.

“She’ll blame herself, but she shouldn’t.” The wrinkle of a woman glared at Tobirama and shook her finger without fear. “See that she rests her heart and doesn’t take this into her spirit. She’s not meant for such levity. It’ll consume her.”

But when he went to visit the next day she was in the garden, salvaging what she could from the last frost and readying the earth for what would come next. Some of the teasing was gone from her voice when they conversed, but it was not as he feared.

“Were you close?”

She didn’t move for a while, still hands and knees in the dirt. “No, but…I never lost anyone like that before. It made me feel terrible.”

“You did all you could.”

“I don’t think so. If I knew magic…”

“There are limits.”

Sakura stared up from the dirt. “Do you have limits?”

“Of course,” he lied. It was what she needed to hear. “Aside from that, even if it was possible, there are things I am forbidden from doing in the King’s Country.”

Sakura snorted and went back to her weeds. “Ah yes, the King’s Country, because he owns all of this and all of us. How could I have forgotten about that?”

“You would hate it,” Tobirama admitted with almost a smile. “I don’t think anyone could tell you what to do.”

Sakura sat up and laughed, her teeth gleaming in the filtered light as her whole body shook in mirth. She grabbed her sides and forced herself to settle enough for words. “No, but I’d like to see them try.”

“Be my apprentice then. Come live with me in my tower.”

Sakura braced on the ground and stood, crossing the patches to get to where he stood. She reached up on her toes and traced her dirty thumb over the bridge of his nose, then she poked the tip of it. He didn’t flinch.

“Sorry mister wizard sir, but I don’t think I will.”

Tobirama reached up and brushed the dirt off his face then flicked at her own button shaped nose.  He almost smiled, finally feeling content with Sakura’s emotional state. “I’m probably better off. You’d drive me crazy.”

“I think I do that already wizard sir.”

He thought it might be a nice time to lean in and kiss her, but he wasn’t sure why or even where the idea came from. She looked especially beautiful with no good reason. She wasn’t dressed in anything elegant or especially fine. She was dirty and a little untamed like usual, but she was still too much for him. His heart hurt to lock her away and keep her to himself.

The ink on his wrist stung and he hissed, looking down at that tattoo he and his brother shared. Sakura noticed the distress on his face and reached fo this hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“My brother summons me. I must answer.” It would be a simple thing for him to travel through nature or air to get to his brother’s side, but he hesitated to touch her shoulder and look down into her eyes. “Please stay safe. It is becoming dangerous with the cold season upon us. I will return shortly.”

“Of course.” She managed a smile for him. “Be safe.”

After visiting his towner he took off looking for a tree he might fast travel through. The burn on his wrist throbbed hotter and he ignored it out of spite. He didn’t have any great reason for it, but he wasn’t very happy with his brother.

The summons that burned dulled to a warm throb as distances were traveled in a single step. He emerged from the tree and brushed the last dustings of dead leaves off his shoulders. The tree was fat and short making it perfect to walk through, if only he weren’t so tall.

It took almost an hour more, but he found his brother in the war room and frowned at the sight of so many other wizards around the far walls. Some stood up straighter when they saw him, others didn’t bother to hide their sneers. Tobirama didn’t spare them another glance as he cut through to his brother.

“What of it?” he asked, showing off his wrist where the mark dulled from throb to nothing. “You summoned me from on far with no warning.”

“As all others were summoned. I thought it best you be here to see for yourself.”

Tobirama edged closer and saw a map of all the providences under the crown. His tower was at the edge, close to the wilds. Oberon’s Forest was just past that.

“What do the colors indicate?” he asked, pointing to the fog of color that rested over parts of the map. A minor magic some simple mage made possible, no doubt.

“We’re not sure, but those areas are off limits. I called you out of there against the council of others. They thought it best to leave you there.”

Tobirama looked again and saw the fog hang over his tower as well as Sakura’s village.

“What is it?”

“Blight.” The answer came from Tsunade, a relative witch who was also known as their best medical expert. Her expression was hard as she faced him.

“Livestock or timber?”

Tsunade didn’t flinch as she admitted, “Livestock, and it’s spreading to the people. No one is allowed in or out. The Emerald Order is putting up their barrier as we speak. My antidote won’t be ready for another three days of curing.”

He felt something dark sprout in his heart. “How long have you known about this?”

Tsunade didn’t flinch when a lesser man or woman might have. Hashirama wrung his hands, looking nervous among the wizards.

“Brother, I-”

“How long!?” Tobirama’s eyes flashed with red magic.

“It’s been contained to Oberon’s Forest for years and hasn’t spread since it’s discovery four ago. I’ve only started working on the antidote when the forestlings brought it out with the recet attacks.”

Tobirama turned and Hashirama caught him by the elbow. “Where are you going?”

“To warn someone.”

“You can’t.”

Tobirama turned the full force of his glare onto Tsunade who stood like stone, but her eyes were on the map that glittered with green light.

“Don’t you dare stop me!” he warned.

She didn’t look to him as she spoke. “There is nothing to stop. The barrier is already up.”    

It’ was a month later when they let the barrier down. Even with her antidote, the blight adapted. And even if he had reached her the moment he found out about the blight, Sakura’s exposure to the woman’s death had been caused by the blight. It rooted itself in her and Chiyo before he even knew about it.

When he was let back, her body was already cold, but not yet buried. Over two hundred different lifeless forms stretched out in the open graves he was expected to help close up.  

Hashiram was no comfort. “I’m sorry, there was no way you could have known and there’s nothing to be done about it now. Be at peace, brother. ”

There was no peace to be found.

Tobirama took her body back and set it on the stone in the pit of his tower where the walls collected icicles. It would keep her from decomposing, but that was the limit of his magics. He hated himself for how little he could do as he turned stone into gold and glass, making a casket he could see her through.

‘There was nothing you could have done.’

Tobirama donned his darkest cloak with the wolf fur and took no fire with him into Oberon’s forest. He still produced a candle that, when waved over his head, summoned a will o wisp to it’s wick to light the way. The pull of the sprite guided him deep, deeper than any mortal man dared. The forest lost its sound as he trespassed among the ancient roots. Creatures moved, but they were as silent as the grave.

When his light went out Tobirama stilled and waited….and waited…..and waited.

The breath on his neck made him turn just as he thought he might wait the rest of his night among the dead branches. Behind him. A dark creature loomed among the trunks, barely fitting when it shouldn’t have fit at all. It was black, but blacker than the night sky with its sick moon hanging low and full. Where its body stood Tobirama saw only void.

The horned king of the wood bent his head towards Tobirama and his antlers glittered like dark onyx. Among the prongs dozens of ghosts were speared.

Tobirama knelt in the wet soil, burying his hands in the earth until it soaked under his fingernails. He breathed deep, grounding himself on something greater than his own power. “I’ve come for her.”

The stag lowered his head even further until Tobirama could see the ghosts it carried.

“What you ask may not be grated without a price. You know not the price for what you seek.”

“There is no price too high for this,” he swore. “I have come to claim my own.”

“Then you may walk, child, but take heed, you may yet pay for it in unexpected ways.”

The stag touched his massive face to the ground and Tobirama stood. He stepped onto its head and ran up the length of his face, running for whole minutes before he reached the first ghost. He felt his heart pinch with something sick and turned, finding her there, beautiful as ever, even in death.

He carried her spirit in a ring and then poured her back into her body before the dawn could break. He held her form in his arms among the shattered remains of her coffin, swearing up and down to every old god he knew the name of that if she didn’t return to him he would tear them from their thrones and turn the world over in black fire.

But Sakura breathed deep as the sun filtered through the windows and down the mirrored channels into her chamber. Tobirama felt shattered by the color of her eyes as she looked up at him and then smiled once more.

“Sorry I couldn’t keep my promise,” she croaked, barely managing a sound.

Tobirama didn’t care, he kissed her and folded her up into his arms.

-

And that’s how he wished his story would have ended, but nature would not be so undone without consequence.

Sakura was well known as a dead woman, so in his fear he kept her in his tower and dedicated all his days’ hours to her entertainment. He taught her how to disguise herself and even though her magic couldn’t hold up for more than ten minutes, he risked it some nights when the moon peaked out.

“You need to exhaust yourself on cantrips every day,” he grumbled to her. “If you don’t your limits will never change. Push against them.”

“I’m trying,” Sakura sighed. She rubbed her eyes and sank into a nearby chair and then proceeded the slump even further.

Tobirama’s heart pinched and he ran for her before she could fall off her seat. She giggled when he caught her.

“Don’t be so neglectful,” he chastised even as his face heated.

She managed to roll her eyes, but then closed them when her head fell onto his shoulder. “Weren’t you the one telling me to push myself just now?”

“I was mistaken?”

Sakura chuckled. “You’re never mistake.”

“Of course I am. You’re obviously exhausted and your master is a brute pushing you beyond your limits. How dare he breath.”

“Maybe he should answer some of that mail that’s been piling up. Someone else seems to need your help,” she said around a yawn.

“Worthless plebs crying for attention. No, I’m much better off terrorizing you.”

She weakly reached up to poke the tip of his nose. “Silly.”

Tobirama didn’t mind how his face warmed or his is belly seemed to fill with the buds of something just as warm. He pulled her closer and carried her up to her room.

Halfway up the stairs he stopped dead in his tracks. Sakura was asleep in his arms but her pale pink hair spilled over his elbow and not even shadows could hide who she was.

“It is true.”

Tobirama hunched over her form protectively. “Don’t speak to me.”

Hashirama’s face crumpled in hurt. “Brother, how could you! You were sworn to uphold the order of the world, not defy it so shamelessly! They spoke of necromancy but I-I defended you. I-I said you would never.”

Tobirama took another four steps, stopping just one shy of his brother. The stairwell was narrow, curving up and around itself up to the higher levels. It would be impossible to pass if Hashirama didn’t step aside, but it seemed as if the elder brother had no intention of doing so.

Tobirama didn’t care if his eyes flashed with red magic at his last surviving brother. “Move, you are in my way.”

Hashirama took a single step back, giving himself more hight over Tobirama while holding up his hands. “Brother, don’t do this. You know you need to put her back. The others need not know, but the balance must me found again. She had her time.”

The image of her under glass on a stone table made his heart stab with cruel viscousness. The very idea made him tremble. “You would have me render her lifeless once more…”

His voice was a deadly calm.

Hashirama took another step back onto the landing.

“The others don’t know, I won’t tell them. I can’t bring myself to see you like this, you’re not yourself anymore, my dear brother.” Hashirama’s face was wrinkled with stress as tears pooled in the corners of his eyes. “You are my only and best brother. You’re the greatest wizard in the land and you’ve stumbled but that’s fine. Please…just…”

Hashirama fell boneless on the floor, his eyes fogged with what all the corpses had after days of being dead. His skin was taunt across his tanned face as Tobirama stepped over the body of his last and only brother.

 Stray bolts of ruby colored magic crackled across the stone. Tobirama didn’t look back as his cloak trailed over Hashirama’s lifeless body on his way to the bedrooms.

Sakura slept peacefully on in his arms, not even flinching when he kissed her eyelids in reverence. She was perfect in his arms as he followed her into bed.

“I will never let you be parted from me again,” he whispered. “Never.”

[crewhonk]

Why Wonder Woman is Bomb as Fuck

heres that final feminism essay i wrote for my political science class in case any of you wanted to read it! Citations and shit are under the read more cut!

 Before Wonder Woman was released in 2017, there was never a solid superhero movie for girls and women to watch and further find representation in— the hyper-sexualized ‘Catwoman’ movie released in 2004 caters mostly only to the male gaze; Halle Berry is dressed in leather straps for most of the movie, and forced to fight in a way that almost resembles pole dancing. Wonder Woman (2017) changed the game— it was about a strong woman of colour who was raised in a proud society of body-positive women, and leaves the safe confines of her home to do what she believes is right. While Wonder Woman is a god with supernatural abilities, the female viewers find themselves not needing to sacrifice their femininity to relate to male characters. There are huge surface elements to what kind of feminism the movie portrays, and there are huge underlying and background elements that really drive the idea home of what it means to be a woman. Wonder Woman is the feminism we need because Diana Prince (Wonder Woman’s alias) is a model feminist in this new form of feminism, the raw element of feminism that is incorporated into the very fabric of production, and the director herself making waves and blazing trails in Hollywood today, smashing any ceiling that had been previously constructed. 

Diana Prince, an amazon the Themyscira and God Killer opens the film as a child, running through her paradise island to watch the over Amazon women train and spar together. Diana grew up around strong and intelligent women, and as a viewer myself, there was a sense of pride that this island now existed. The body positive representation from strong women who supported each other was something that made many female viewers (including me) tear up at the screen, and this feeling up representation on all levels carries throughout the movie. Now, this essay is not a movie review, but there are elements of the movie which need to be discussed to truly explain how much this movie has done and will do for modern day feminist movements. Diana Prince, upon hearing that Earth is in turmoil turns away from everything she has ever known to fight for those who don’t have the ability to fight for themselves. The bravery and faith she has.  in herself is something that became and continues to become an element which most women try to adopt throughout their lives— whether it is in a job interview, or standing up for what they believe in in front of hundreds of thousands of people the faith in self that is taught is fundamental to furthering the movement. Her partner, Steve Trevor (played by Chris Pine) continues to try to subdue her from taking any action; whether it is active in a parliament meeting or action in furthering the front line of the war. In all cases, she chooses to ignore the demands of man— both refusing to submit to him to become a tool to the success of his own mission and refusing to conform to what it means to be a modern woman in 1918. “Wonder Woman truly acts like his equal, refusing to be less than she is just because he asks her to” (Miki Beach). She also continues to push boundaries by refusing traditional clothing in the fitting sequences at the beginning of the movie. This is a huge demonstration of subversion feminism (Zoe Williams)— she destroys the social constraints of the patriarchal society she lives within by choosing a disguise that is traditionally masculine in form— a suit jacket, long skirt and black journalism hat. However, when it comes to fighting she stays faithful to the culture she comes from and takes off her cloak and disguise to reveal her Amazonian garb. She takes “No Man’s Land” almost effortlessly (she is a god, anyway) and her strength and raw fighting style is choreographed, not for the infamous Male Gaze, but for realism and is orchestrated to give her a huge emotional fighting style— almost rejecting feminine fighting styles in media by flipping tanks, and screaming and crushing buildings under her raw strength. While she does show an impressive amount skin it is never deemed sexual or appealing, as she is too busy fighting and proving herself every second of this movie. 

A huge part of Wonder Woman’s character is her empathy for humans— she puts herself in danger for the greater good, and she offers her life for the people she loves: she leaves Themyscira to protect her people, she takes “No Man’s Land” so save the people living in the seized town on the German side, and she offers to do what she needs to do to save Steve’s life— “whatever it is I can do it” (Wonder Woman, 2017). Her struggles with sticking to her morals and what it means to be good makes her an inherently flawed character and brings her down from a Goddess level to a level which hits home for many watching— not just cis women. Within this portrayal of her character, it allows women to not have to sacrifice a part of their identity to relate to a man, because it finally gives women a strong and inexplicably human form of representation in the form of Diana Prince. The reformation of feminism this movie demands is not that of any main stream of feminism we have today— it is not liberal feminism in the sense that a woman’s success is defined by mens success; Diana makes her own form of success and truly raises the bar of what success should be. It is not Marxist feminism in which inequality is rooted in the home; Diana is raised in an equal society where every woman is responsible for the same duties, and nobody is exempt from specific roles. Neither is it Radical feminism— there is the acknowledgment of physical inequality within the movie and within the production, but it is not a main part of what it means to be a Woman. Wonder Woman redefines what feminism is meant to be in the sense that the movement should be based on beliefs that movements should be created on what is right rather than what people ‘deserve’. 

The main form feminism takes in the movie “Wonder Woman” and its production is mostly liberal. The male representation within character Steve Trevor and in producer Charles Roven and screenwriter Allan Heinberg. Having men within productions of female based media is not an issue— there needs to be an element of masculinity for the exposure that men can bring to such a production. However, the director, Patty Jenkins, who is a female in the highest position in production is genuinely groundbreaking and doesn’t define her own triumph by mens standards. She fights for the central concern of feminism— the political, and economic opportunities and recognition women deserve in comparison to men, but not limiting that recognition if it goes beyond that of any man. The higher level of women in the production of the 2017 movie is the new movement of feminism, and with social movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp women are finding more and more platforms to speak up and fight for that representation without the threat of sexualization and without having to constantly justify their positions in industries. Radical feminism has its place in the new movement as well. For example, in “Wonder Woman”, she has a confidence in her body and rejects conformity to conservative social structure— she refuses to be sexualized, and uses her body for heroism and strength. As she was raised in an all woman society, there was no sexualization of the body for a Male Gaze, and saying while men are essential for reproduction, they are unneeded in the name of pleasure (Wonder Woman). She was taught from the day Zeus gave her life that her body was simply a means for delivering justice to those who created injustice when others couldn’t do the same.

When Patty Jenkins, was announced to begin direction of “Wonder Woman” (2017) on April 15th, 2015 she immediately began blazing trails very few women have before her. She opened up avenues for others in higher film making positions. Sure, despite her huge success in acquiring the role, “only 7% of the top 250 movies were female directed” (Luscombe). 

She brought to the table the idea that that specific statistics and standards need not continue to frame the industry any longer. Jenkins was unbending in her original contract regulations, as she fought for the proper wage she believed she deserved— the equal to a mans. She provided an ultimatum for Warner Brothers; either give her the same wage they would give to a male peer, or find another director. Jenkins fought hard for what she knew she deserved and it paid off, as she was rewarded with not only a $7-$9 million dollar contract, but her final product garnered over $100 million domestically and $800 million world wide in the opening weekend (Luscombe). This opening weekend was the highest profit for a female director in history, and the success opened many new doors for other aspiring female directors. Her own success in her career was a part of another history-breaking moment; her direction, along with Greta Gerwig (“Lady Bird”) and Dee Rees (“Mudbound”) were the first time that this high volume of women would have a chance to win an Oscar for their work (Sehtoohdeh). Jenkins and her female peers opened doors for those who needed help opening them, and changed the course of media history. 

  Jenkins’ timing was almost picturesque in her development of Wonder Woman. The iconic superhero movie was produced and released in a time of intense political climate— the candidate nobody wanted to see win the American election won by Electoral College vote. The production and release also preceded the social movements #TimesUp, and #MeToo that rocked Hollywood and exposed many men in power as sexual offenders. In these times, Wonder Woman rapidly became what it meant to be Woman— being Women meant that there was a certain strength in kindness, and empathy, and there was a strength in bravely standing up for what you believed was right. Woman around the world looked at this movie and saw a piece of work both relevant to the times but simultaneously timeless. The raging success of Wonder Woman brought a new level to feminism and the fight for equality and representation in media— because it was something that worked based on the widespread cultural belief that women were just as capable of their own success because “It’s not about ‘deserve’. It’s about what you believe” (Wonder Woman, 2017).

Works Cited

“Wonder Woman”. Directed by Patty Jenkins. Performances by Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Robin Wright, Danny Huston, David Thewlis, Connie Nielsen, and Elena Anaya. 2017. 

Beach, Miki. “Why Wonder Woman is Exactly the Role Model Women and Girls Need”. Burlington VT Moms Blog. 27 June, 2017. https://burlingtonvt.citymomsblog.com/2017/06/27/wonder-woman-role-model/. Accessed 25 March, 2018. 

Williams, Zoe. “Why Wonder Woman is a Masterpiece of Subversive Feminism”. The Guardian. 5 June, 2017. https://theguardian.com. Accessed 25 March, 2017. 

Luscombe, Belinda. ‘’Short List: No. 7 Person of the Year Patty Jenkins”. Time Magazine. 4 December, 2017. http://time.com/time-person-of-the-year-2017-patty-jenkins-runner-up/. Accessed 24 March, 2018. 

Setoohdeh, Ramin. “‘Wonder Woman’ Director Patty Jenkins on Equal Pay, Hollywood Sexism and James Cameron’s Nasty Words”. Variety Magazine. 10 October, 2017. http://variety.com/2017/film/features/patty-jenkins-wonder-woman-hollywood-sexism-equal-pay-james-cameron-1202583237/. Accessed 21 March, 2017. 

[gaiyofanfiction]

If you get a chance,Am I allowed to request a Monsta X Jooheon Mafia AU where you're new to the city and he falls in love with you and your passion for life but have no clue what he does for a living so you're always wondering why everything goes so smoothly for you like finding a job, getting an apartment, people being nice to you, etc after you meet him. I'm not sure what sort of genre would be best for this so can you help decide that? Thanks! :)

Thanks for your request Anon! Jooheon is my bias from Monsta X and I’m totally excited to write this! I hope you like it

Reader x Jooheon Mafia!AU - “Precious Thorns”

You have just moved to Chicago and finally settled into your new apartment. Peering out your window to look at the skyline you sigh and say,”wow, this is it! The Windy City! I may have spent most of my savings to move out here, but I think I can go for a few drinks. Mama needs to wind down.” You start to put on your outfit; a cute slim black dress that went down to mid-thigh, fishnets with a rose design, and black boots with studs. Last but not least, winged eyeliner, a little bit of mascara, and a maroon matte lipstick to top it off.

Walking down the street you’re in complete awe by the bustling streets and the beautiful lights. You stumble upon a night club and decide to go in and have a little fun. The music is loud and there must have been at least a couple hundred people in the building. You squeeze your way to the bar and order a drink, “vodka and cranberry with a lime please.” Taking a few sips here and there you start to people watch and enjoy the view.

“You’re not going to dance?” asks a young, handsome man in a black suit with a cherry red tie. “Oh, haha. I’m a terrible dancer. I prefer to people watch and enjoy the music,” your say nervously. ‘He’s really good looking. I don’t know how he can make dark brown messy hair look so sophisticated.’ “So, why aren’t you dancing? What’s your excuse?” You take a sip of your drink while keeping eye contact. He moves a little bit closer and you try not to show that your heart is ready to jump out of your chest. “Well, unfortunately the only girl I want to dance with is busy people watching,” he gives you a sly side smile. “Well played, sir, well played.” You reach your hand out for him to grab and guide you to the dance floor.

“I’m serious though, I really don’t know how to dance, I might even step on your nice expensive shoes,” you jokingly say, but being very honest. “Just follow my lead, sweetheart.” He twirls you around like you’re a beautiful princess in a ball gown. Suddenly he brings you closer and his hand sits at your lower back. “You know, I don’t think our dancing matches the upbeat club music.” He stops. “You’re right, but who wants to conform?” He winks at you and smiles. ‘This man is killing me. He is way too charming.’

After a few drinks and getting to know each other a little more you finally ask, “So, how does a man like you become interested in a girl like me?” You twirl your straw around. “What do you mean my dear?” He tilts his head. “Oh c’mon, I’m just another punk city girl and you’re clearly a big businessman. The suit, nice shoes, and you even have a Rolex watch.” You raise your eyebrow challenging him. “Even so, it doesn’t mean I don’t know when to appreciate a beautiful rose such as yourself.” He leans against the bar table like he just won. “And every rose has its thorn,” a snide comment only you would say. He claps and chuckles at you. His phone rings and he answers it. “Ah, I see, I’ll be there in five minutes.” He hangs up the phone. “Well, it looks like I’m needed for a late press conference.” He slides a business card to you. “I’ll leave it up to you to make the decision on whether or not our paths will cross again. Till then, Y/N.” He winks and walks away with his hands in his pockets. ‘He is TOO good.’ You look at the card and read: CEO Lee Jooheon. ‘Ugh, he even has a sexy name.’

Two Months Later…

“I’m home!” You come walking in to your apartment and immediately take off your work shoes. “My dogs are killing me! Babe, could you please give me a foot rub?” He motions for you to put your feet up on his lap. “Anything for my jagiya. Now, tell me how was work?” You had explained to him that waitressing is really taking a toll on you and you’re not sure how you’re going to make rent this month. He genuinely looked sympathetic for you, but you didn’t want him pitying you. “It’s okay. I make things work out.” You giggle and head off to the kitchen. He remained on the couch thinking to himself.

The Next Week…

“You did what!? How!? I-I don’t understand.” You start to pace back and forth. “Honey, baby, relax. I have contacts everywhere. I told them how much of a hard worker you were and besides, they owed me a favor. So, I got you a new job as an executive assistant for a major law firm.” He gives you a silly grin. “I’ve been a waitress ever since I can remember! How am I supposed to fit this new role!?” You start to freak out. He grabs you and kisses you. “You deserve more. Just please give it a chance?” He stares at you with his puppy dog eyes. You couldn’t resist.

Another Month Passes…

“The people at the law firm are so nice to me! I’m so used to customers complaining about their meals that it feels like I’m getting the special treatment. Do you have something to do with this?” You furrow your brows. “Me? Whaaat? No way. Don’t be silly.” His phone rings and he continues to sit there and look at you. You roll your eyes, “aren’t you going to answer that? You pretty much get a call every five minutes.” He let the call go. He quickly pulls you in close and grabs your hand to kiss it, “you’re more important.” His phone rings again. You let him answer it this time. “DAMNIT WHAT!?” He explodes leaving you suddenly anxious. “You fucking get the shit situated and I’ll be there as soon as possible. Do not let him go.” He slams the phone on the coffee table and lets out a long sigh. You were left completely speechless. 

‘I have never seen this side of him. He’s always been so sweet and full of charisma.’ You tug on his suit. His shoulders drop from being tense and he turns around to face you. “I’m sorry you had to see that. *Ahem* It seems we’re having trouble with a client so… I need to go to work and sort this out.” He kisses your forehead and heads for the door. “By the way, I have you scheduled to move into my condo tomorrow. I suggest you start packing.” He blows you a kiss and closes the door behind him. ‘He did not just…’

Several Months Pass…

You have never been happier. You have a wonderful job, you live with your handsome boyfriend in his massive condo located in on of the cities most expensive high rises, and he even bought you a new car. But, you start to wonder. ‘It’s… It’s way too good to be true.’ It was your day off and you were totally bored with yourself. You start to think even more. ‘To be honest, I have no idea what company he even works for or where he goes most of the time. He never bothered to show me.’ You go snooping into his belongings and stumble upon his laptop. You went to Google maps and decided to track his footsteps. ‘God I feel terrible doing this… But, I have a right to know my own boyfriend and his whereabouts. Right?’ Your fingers clicked away on the keyboard. You finally found a destination he’s been to almost every day since the day you met him. You printed up the directions and headed for the door.

It was late and Jooheon already texted you that he probably wouldn’t be home till tomorrow because of an emergency business meeting. You were just a few blocks away from the destination. Your heart was pounding and you felt so uneasy. ‘Why do I feel like I’m being a horrible person? Oh my god, I’m stalking my own boyfriend!’ You arrive to the location. You sat in your car for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. Swallowing the lump in your throat you take a deep breath in and head out to the building before you.

The location was fairly secluded on the outskirts of the city. You walk towards one of the side entrances and try to take a peak into the windows. Unfortunately all the windows were covered by closed blinds so you had to look around. “Ah, jackpot!” You found a basement entrance. The door was surprisingly unlocked and you let yourself in. There was nobody around. It was an interesting room. The only things in the room were a wooden desk with one lamp and some scattered papers. 

You looked at a few papers and started to notice a pattern. Each one had a picture of a man or woman with a written profile of the person. All of them had an ‘X’ over their faces except for one. You read that one’s profile. “…Several fraudulent accounts… Millions of dollars stolen… Five accounts of… MURDER??? And… RECENT ASSOCIATE OF JOOHEON!?” Your head was spinning and you had to prop yourself up against the table. ‘I’m starting to think I know nothing about my boyfriend.’ You hear yelling in the adjacent room and a loud crash. You try to peak in through the cracked door. 

“I didn’t take you under my wing so you could eventually undermine me and my work. I came from nothing and built an empire of my own from the little amount that I had. Did you really think that this would slip past me so easily?” You see Jooheon pistol whip the fallen man. You cover your mouth with a shaky hand. Jooheon starts to circle the man. “Do you know what we do with people like you? People that steal from me and my mafia?” He crosses his arms and whistles to his men. A couple men in black suits start to drag the man away. 

“Also, will someone please bring in my beautiful jagiya. We are not monsters here. Please show her some manners.” Your heart stops and knees become weak. You try to bolt away, but a strong man drags you into the empty room and forces you to sit in a chair. “My dear, I’m sorry you had to see such a sight.” He caresses your face with the back of his hand. “W-what is the meaning of this? Joohoney? I d-don’t understand… Why -” He covers your mouth. Tears start to fall down your cheeks and onto his hand. He licks the tears from his hand. “Are you afraid my precious flower?” He lifts your chin up although you flinch. “I think you will get used to it. Just let daddy do his work…” Suddenly he pulls your hair back making you shriek and he’s face to face with you. “But, if I ever see you back here again meddling in my business, we’re going to have a problem.” He gives you a kiss on your cheek. 

“Every rose has its thorn,” he says before he laughs maniacally and exits the room. You’re left in the chair, alone, and with an empty mind. You say to yourself with an insane look on your face, “and now I bleed from picking the rose with the most thorns.”