#i find it equally grating when people get on high horses abt not shaving or place it in this like. hierarchy of beauty practices

[rollercoasterwords]

hie rae! i have query/a dichotomy about gender and shit that i would love you to share your thoughts on (if you feel like it, no pressure!). i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender (do you do gender studies?) but first i just wanted to say how much i love your fanfics! they're some of my favs ever honestly and thank you so much for writing them!

i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender

ok, so basically one of friends was staying at my flat a few days ago, i mentioned (jokingly) that i feel like a bad feminist when i shave my face but that i hate having hair on my face too much to not shave it. for reference i'm a brown cis women who has a fair amount of facial hair and i have been shaving my face since i was a teen. my friend (who's trans) pointed out that she also shaves her face regularly but that for her, its a form of gender affirming care and so would it be possible that its also that for me?. we're both really interested in gender and the elements of performance in it and so we spent ages talking about it and couldn't really come to a conclusion. the thing that i was wondering about especially is that when i do shave my face, it doesn't really feel like its affirming my gender - it feels more motivated by insecurity and the desire to conform. so do you think it would be possible that for cis women it is possible for shaving to be gender affirming or is it all a product of our socialisation/ the beauty industry?

sorry for the mess that this ask is, i hope you can understand it! thanks!  💙💙💙 

hi!! ty 4 the kind words i'm glad u like my fics <3 and i do in fact study gender studies lol there are of course many people v knowledgeable abt these topics tho it's not like i'm the foremost expert etc. happy 2 be ur tumblr smart person 4 the day tho & happy 2 share my thoughts!

so in the first place i don't necessarily think a distinction between trans/cis is useful here in determining whether something can/should be considered "gender affirming," nor do i necessarily think there's a strict dichotomy between "gender affirming" beauty practices versus "it's just socialized" or whatever. every woman is going 2 have different experiences with & reasons behind shaving, and oftentimes those differences will not map neatly onto a binary of trans/cis in which one side always finds the experience affirming and the other does not. additionally, all beauty practices are socialized in the first place & will often engender a mix of feelings that don't fit neatly into "this is 100% affirming" versus "this is absolutely not affirming in any way."

i think it's easy to say "shaving is just patriarchal conditioning for women and we need to stop to be good feminists!!" but that sentiment also fails to recognize that many women derive very real economic and social benefits by conforming to beauty standards, and many women furthermore find it necessary to shave to mitigate violence they might otherwise face. it doesn't mean it's a good thing that these standards exist (beauty in and of itself is always a tool of power imo), but it also makes it, in my opinion, kind of pointless to quibble over whether it's "feminist" to shave or not; each person faces their own set of material conditions that they have to navigate. also, the things an individual person chooses to do with their body hair really don't strike me as incredibly important in like...the grand scheme of Feminist Action, y'know? the entire question seems to lie more in the realm of like...personal feeling & decision making, and in that instance i am a supporter of total bodily autonomy. everyone picks and chooses their own battles when it comes to what beauty standards to adhere to; i don't shave my body hair, for example, but i'm scheduled to undergo a cosmetic surgical procedure in a few months, and for me there isn't a clear divide between the medical/gender affirming/socialized beauty standards reasons that i've chosen to do so. physical pain is one factor, but i'd be lying to myself if i said that i haven't been socialized to think about gender & the way it relates to my own body and appearance, and that that isn't factoring in as well. even if surgery is "affirming" for me, i still don't necessarily know that i'd call it a feminist action so much as something i'm doing to make my body easier to live in.

anyway, all that is to say--no, i don't think shaving makes you "a bad feminist." and i don't doubt your friend when she says that shaving is gender affirming for her. you both have different experiences when it comes to shaving, though, and if you've reflected on this and don't feel like shaving is something you really want to do, then maybe consider seeing what it's like if you stop--not to become "a better feminist," bc again, i don't think whether you personally shave is going to make or break Feminism, but bc it might make you happier. personally, my experience when i've stopped partaking in certain beauty routines or practices is that there's a period of insecurity at first which slowly fades as i've realized that most people really don't notice all the things about my body that i do. but that's my personal experience; if you decide to stop shaving and find that there are conditions in your life that make it too difficult, it's not worth agonizing over if you decide to start again, or to shave sometimes. in general i think this sort of individualistic emphasis on whether or not every single thing a person does is "feminist" is not useful tbh, nor do i think personal feelings of empowerment or affirmation are the best yardstick 4 measuring whether a certain action is "feminist"