#the amount of possible analysis if this shit made to the end

[marcusrobertobaq]

I miss something that never existed...

[maya-caffrey]

Short Circuit

pairing: connor (rk800) x reader words: 1k summary: reader sees Connor outside of work for the first time in normal human clothes and dies a little bit (comedy, fluff) warnings: language, lack of proofreading, fic from reader's pov a/n: let's pretend this is after the good ending and androids can own property now cause we're going to Connor's place etc

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Words cannot describe the amount of hate I have for Fowler. On my day off he asks me to take some evidence over to Connor for a 'quick analysis', like, Jesus Christ dude wait for the labwork like the rest of us. The nerve of this guy, honestly. Anyway, if you were wondering why I was driving to Connor's place first thing on a Sunday, that was it.

Yes, I hate my boss, how original, but I would never pass up an opportunity to see Connor. Sure, he's my colleague, but he's also my friend. And also I may be in love with him have a normal, tiny, minuscule crush on him. I don't know how it happened, I didn't even realize it, but yes, I do, in fact, have feelings for Connor. "Oh but he's an andro-" Go fuck yourself, he's more human than most people these days.

Before I realized it, I was at his place and almost knocked on his door. Almost being the keyword here, because I heard a voice from the inside.

"Detective! Just a minute. I will be right there."

"Holy shit, how did you know? Let me guess, X-ray vision?" It's always something with him. Of course, Cyberlife's most intelligent android comes with X-ray vision. I feel stupid for not guessing right away. Wait, does this mean he had X-ray vision all this time? That feels like an ethical grey area. Is that allowed? My rapid descent down that rabbit hole was interrupted by the sound of the door being unlocked.

"Ring Camera. Come on in!" He led me inside and I absent-mindedly followed him before I noticed it. He was wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Connor Anderson (legal name, yes), android detective by day, who famously only wore suits, was standing in front of me, in goddamn sweats. And he looked like he stepped right out of my dreams.

I did not know it was possible to be any level of attractive in fucking pajamas, but oh my god, it absolutely was. He looked hot as hell. I don't know if it was from having only seen him in formals, or the fact that Kamski knowingly made a hottie, but I was reveling in this sight.

His T-shirt fit him exactly as it should have, and his sleeves stopped halfway through the biceps I didn't even know he had. His hair looked unkempt and tousled, which was questionable because there's no way he slept, right? I was very sure he could hear my heartbeat because that sucker was betraying me and beating way too fast.

I could not form coherent thoughts for another full minute or so. I am not even holding back, he genuinely looked so attractive he quite literally stole my breath away. All I could do was mumble nonsense while staring at him like I misplaced my glasses.

"Detective, are you alright?"

"What? Me? Yeah, no problem, bud." Bud???? I'd have slapped myself if I could.

"Your body temperature is rapidly rising and your heart is displaying signs of arrhythmia. I suggest we-"

"I suggest we nothing, Connor. I promise I'm fine." See that kids, right there, is what we call a bald-faced lie.

"If you say so. What brings you here, detective?"

"Detective? Come on, we're not at work, man. Chill."

"Alright then, (Y/n), what brings you here?" (Y/n). The way he said my name made me want to explode. Sure, everyone says my name, its my name but oh my god, when he says it, he makes me want to change my last name to his. Which would be Hank's. Huh. That's weird.

"Right, yeah, work stuff. Fowler sent me with evidence for you to analyze. Apparently, they can't wait for the lab like the rest of us mortals." I shoved the file into his hands a little too quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice how my hands were shaking. He noticed.

"Your hands are trembling." Of course he noticed. Connor notices everything.

"I'm just… cold," I lied, despite standing in his very well-heated apartment.

Connor tilted his head slightly, that signature analytical look of his making me want to crawl under a rock. "You appear to be experiencing stress. Should I—"

"Connor, no. I don't need an analysis, I need to… sit down." That was the best I could come up with. Great. Very smooth.

"Please, make yourself comfortable," he said, gesturing toward his couch. I moved to sit down, hoping a change of scenery would calm my nerves. It didn’t.

Connor sat across from me, still in those damn sweatpants, his expression unreadable as he opened the file and started flipping through its contents. His focus should’ve made me feel at ease- it was just Connor being Connor- but instead, I found myself staring at his hands. They were annoyingly perfect, like the rest of him, and I couldn’t stop imagining what it would feel like if he- nope. No. Abort mission.

"Is something wrong with the file?" he asked suddenly, looking up.

"What? No! The file's fine. Great file. Top-tier evidence. You're gonna love it." Jesus Christ, someone take my mouth away.

Connor raised an eyebrow. "You’re behaving… unusually."

"I’m behaving perfectly normal," I said, crossing my arms in what I hoped was a casual way but probably looked defensive. "Maybe you're the one behaving unusually. I mean, sweatpants? Who are you and what have you done with Connor?"

He blinked, then looked down at himself as if realizing for the first time what he was wearing. "Hank suggested I try some human rituals like pajamas and sleep to better accommodate my deviancy. He claims it’s a key aspect of ‘human relaxation.’ Was this choice inappropriate?"

"No!" I said, a little too quickly. "No, you look—" amazing, perfect, hotter than anyone has a right to look "—fine. You look fine."

Connor studied me for a moment, and I swear I saw the faintest flicker of amusement cross his face. Was he… smirking? Oh no. Oh no, he knew.

"You should consider it," he said, casually returning to the file.

"Consider what?"

"Relaxing. You seem… tense."

And just like that, the ball was back in his court. I was flustered, he was composed, and I was left wondering how I was supposed to get through the rest of this visit without making a complete fool of myself.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

a/n: y'all, this is my first time writing dbh, sorry if it sucks T_T

[starreyblueberry]

Timmy Turners fate in the new series is one of the most anticipated/theorized aspects of the new show right now. We have multiple easter eggs towards him being a possible character in the new show, and due to the creator saying that Timmys kids could possibly be Cosmo and Wandas next godkids, I don't think Timmy has kids yet (aka the channel chaser ending might be on its way, but not happened just yet.) He is arguably going to either be a huge hit or miss, everyone has different ideas, fates, what he should be, what would be the best conclusion to his character. The lines between real genuine trauma and gags in the old show are blurry, as well as core aspects of his personality. It’s so hard to actually write him as an adult for the new show purely cause what exactly are you going to take from the show that MATTERS. Will you take the lovingness of his parents from season one? or the neglectful spiteful parents they become from season 4. Will you take the horrible grades as him actuallly being bad at school, or crocker failing him on purpose. Will chole even be his best friend? Or is it back to AJ and Chester? Or will his only friends be cosmo and wanda?

We’re Cosmo and Wanda parents to Timmy, or just godparents.

Its already proven that timmys magic somewhat stayed (aka Peris existence, Dale being a millionare, hell even dimsdale/fairy world being intact) If they will acklowdge that? The school mascot being Timmy turner adjacent, past fairy’s seeming to have remembered Timmy (The tooth fairy having a little card of Timmy, Jorgen hanging out w cosmo and Wanda more CAUSE of Timmy’s adventures etc). He’s somehow a crutal part of almost every piece of the show and he’s not even there. I fully believe they’re gonna explain why a lot of Timmy’s wishes have stayed (in my opinion so many of his changes have made the world in general a better place, and he has saved the universe so often undoing his shit would kinda change the whole fabric of space and time, thus making his magic stay, memories are more… iffy.)

I know a huge thing is also the family dynamic, the fact Timmy is their favourite, hell the HALL OF TIMMY!!! The fact they keep a picture of his room in their house, the fact that they reference him sometimes within conversations with hazel. Never actually spoken his name but implied that’s their Timmy (aside from one time) That the reason the world is right now the reason this problem or circumstance or blessing is happening is because of Timmy Turner.

The amount of pure power Timmy has over the show is something crazy, and I do trust the new writers to give us an ending that will satisfy us. He’s been so connected to many people’s childhoods, showing found family at its core. He’s snarky, loud, smart, kind, and more. People want to see him happy, people want to see him with his family. Who you count as his family is up to you. It’s already been semi-confirmed it’s gonna be connected to the channel chasers ending since most of the general audience has said they wished the show ended during that time ( I have my own opions about it but I digress.) It would be super cool if they did their own take, aka any unconventional Timmy future that we haven’t seen as a concept in the OG show. I know many people are rooting for too remember, for them to be united, and I really wish it happens. We also have to remember this is hazels story too, and we’ll be seeing the end of Timmy’s story rather then the middle of it. A special about him would be amazing though, especially if he’s either the hero, or the villain. Idk!!One day I’ll make a full post about every possible future Timmy and my preferences towards which ones, but for now I’ll stick with my analysis of the OG show.

All I know is that Timmy changed Cosmo, Wandas, and Peris life almost more then any other Godkid, and I like to think the show respects the impact he had. Not only as their godkid, but as their first kid to consider true family.

[veliseraptor]

November Reading Recap

Dead Astronauts by Jeff Vandermeer. Either I'm not smart enough to follow this book or it's just not terribly coherent as a novel, and either of those is equally possible, to be honest. I am finding that I like Vandermeer's earlier work on the whole more than his later work, though.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons by Peter S. Beagle. A fun romp. It didn't blow me away, or anything, but it was a lot of fun.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. I remain most attached to the move adaptation of this novel, unfortunately, so that's always in my head when I'm reading. But despite that, or maybe because of it, this novel still delights me. It's like a warm blanket.

Catching Chen Qing Ling: The Untamed and Adaptation, Production, and Reception in Transcultural Contexts ed. by Cathy Yue Wang and Maria K. Alberto. I was very excited to read this book! I was thrilled when I saw that a collection of academic essays on The Untamed was coming out. Not all the essays in the collection are created equally, naturally, but I particularly appreciated the ones about the morality police in the fandom and the one focusing on (the violence of) translation to English. What I missed from this specific volume was more analysis of the text itself as a literary object, but that wasn't the remit of this collection, and I certainly hope that more studies will be forthcoming.

Cassiel's Servant by Jacqueline Carey. Mostly this book made me want to reread the Kushiel's Legacy series; I'm not sure if that is praise or an enticement of this book itself. I wasn't enchanted with it on the whole, though that might be because Joscelin was never the character I was most attached to. I would read the shit out of an alt POV from Melisande.

Golden Witchbreed by Mary Gentle. Finally finished this book after stalling out on it for literal months. It was interesting! Conceptually and in execution. It did feel very much like it was written in the 80s (which it was), though without the kind of objectionable stuff I would've expected. A review of it did describe it as having a "leisurely opening" which I would say is accurate.

Devils Kill Devils by Johnny Compton. I really liked The Spite House so I definitely wanted to pick up this one, and while I liked the former more this was also a really fun take on vampires unlike what I've read before. I'm picky about my horror (I'd say I don't like most of what I read) but I'll bestow the "horror I actually liked" crown on this one.

Persians: The Age of the Great Kings by Lloyd Llewellyn-Jones. For a book that was really emphasizing that it was going to lean on Persian sources rather than Greek ones for a less Greek-biased version of Persian history, it certainly felt like the author ended up relying a fair amount on Greek sources. That being said, I learned more about the (early) Persian Empire than I have before, so it was edifying in that way, if not a particularly outstanding book.

Blood of the Old Kings by Sung-Il Kim, trans. Anton Hur. I'm very glad to see that this book is apparently the beginning of a series and not finished, because while I enjoyed it as a whole the ending felt a little rushed and far too neat for me. So hopefully that will be complicated in further volumes, which I probably will read. The use of dead necromancers to power an empire is, on its own, a very neat worldbuilding conceit, and I think that (interesting worldbuilding) more than character is the appeal of this work to me.

Remnants of Filth: Vol. 5 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I continue to really enjoy this one despite the fact that the initial lure has abated somewhat in the course of the plot. I'm excited to see where this goes - this volume included a plot twist I definitely didn't see coming, which is always fun. It's not my favorite danmei I've read but it is a standout.

Don't Fear the Reaper by Stephen Graham Jones. I don't know quite why I keep reading this series when I'm not really a slasher fan and it is clearly tailored toward the slasher fan. I mean, it's certainly meant to have broader appeal as a horror novel, but it is a slasher first and foremost, and I'm just not that into that subgenre. I think it's because I want to be into it. I can recognize a good book when I read one, though; just not for me.

I Was a Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones. On the other hand, the above all being said: I actually really enjoyed this one! It was certainly playing with a lot of the same tropes but in a more, idk, playful sort of way that I enjoyed. Definitely heavy lampshading, so if that doesn't work for you then this book won't. But for me at least, it did what it was trying to do.

The Stars My Destination by Alfred Bester. I'm looking forward to hearing what people in my book club have to say about this one. I will say that the rape felt unnecessary and it definitely read like sci-fi written in the 50s by a man. I don't think I can say that I liked it. I'm not sure I can say I hated it, either, but I definitely didn't like it.

Vita Nostra by Marina & Sergey Dyachenko, trans. Julia Meitov Hersey. I've had this one on my shelf for a long time and it was good to finally read it! For someone who says she doesn't read a lot of 'magical school' books I've certainly read a lot this year, but this one is probably the most interesting and definitely the most inventive of what I've read. Not necessarily my favorite, but I'm fascinated by what the author is doing. I know there's a sequel, and I'm torn on whether I want to read it or not; I'm curious where the author would go, but I'm also satisfied with the story as it's left at the end of this book.

Drowning Sorrows in Raging Fire by Priest. Possibly my favorite danmei I've read, and at this point I've read a few. It's not going to trigger my fic writing brain, I don't think, but that's mostly because it already gave me so much of what I wanted. It's very, very good in terms of the story it's telling, the themes of monstrosity and human weapons are right on point for what I like, and the plot is pretty damn tight and good at not sprawling the way some danmei is prone to. Fucking fantastic. I can't share the translation I read, but it's being published by Rosmei in English starting in January 2025.

---

I'm currently reading Challenger by Adam Higginbotham for a little bit of nonfiction (my first in a while, you may notice); after that I'm not sure what I'm going to read. I'm traveling at the end of this month, so it'll be a little dependent on what's on my Kobo/if the sequel to Feast of Souls by C.S. Friedman arrives in time/what books I find that I want to read at my parents' house.

[glitcheslikeslego]

MK was destined to create chaos and he can't change that

MK is destined to create chaos and he can’t change that

Destiny shmestiny, we’re all tired of it, MK isn’t following his destiny… but he actually is.

See, I have a very normal amount of love for the idea surrounding destinies and fates and stuff similar to it, which I believe that I can explain as to why I believe MK is following his exact destiny, even though he’d most likely hate it if he ever found out. 

For starters, here’s a difference between fate and destiny that I want to explain. Fate and destiny, while similar, are not the same thing. Let me explain;

Fate is the end that’s decided for everything, it’s decided by whatever higher being there is, and is the end. Whether the end that is reached is regardless of the choices you made in life, or is determined due to the choices because you were fated to have those choices is another thing. 

Destiny on the other hand, while having a similar idea of being an end, isn’t completely the same. Destiny is the end of a life that depends on the choices that life makes, it takes account of the things you’ve done and the choices you make and moulds your destiny until the very end.

So to make a long explanation short, fate doesn’t give a shit what choices you make, it’ll be the predetermined end no matter what, while destiny is predetermined based on the choices you have made in life. Does that make sense?

Let’s use LBD as an example, since she’s the one preaching about destiny and such. Depending on how you look at it, she either met her fate or reached her destiny in the season 3 specials. She was either fated to die at the hands of MK and his team, regardless of how she went about to try and reach her goals, or she was destined to reach that end because of the choices she’s made. 

I like to think she was fated to, cause I think it’s funny, but you all can make your own opinions on this.

I believe I rambled enough about the differences between fate and destiny, we should get into the actual reason for this analysis.

MK is destined to create chaos

MK is a free spirit, he loves his friends and family, and tries to stay cheerful despite the horrors he’s faced. He is determined to be a good student to Wukong and to be the best successor he can by following Wukong’s every move,but much like the monkey, he hates being tied down, both literally and figuratively.

Literally because Macaque tied him up once, rendering him useless, which is obvious he hates, but we’ll get to that in a possible future MK character analysis.

But also figuratively, because he believes destiny goes against his idea of freedom. Of being able to do what you want, regardless of the choices you make and what the gods say. He treats destiny like it’s fate when it isn't.

This is why he defies against characters like LBD and Nuwa so hard, cause not only did LBD try and destroy the world and hurt her friends and not only did Nuwa try and convince MK it would be best to start a new cycle, they both challenged his belief in letting others decide how they want to live their lives.

MK wants to fight for the world, for humans to be able to make their own choices in safety, without being threatened by demons or celestial beings, however in doing so, he is following his destiny of being the Harbinger of Chaos, created to do exactly that, make chaos. And what better way to make chaos than defying the gods themselves, hm?

So, in trying to avoid destiny, MK is actually following his destiny.

TLDR; MK doesn’t like it when people try and tell him to follow his destiny, so he defies them and it causes chaos, and as the Harbinger of Chaos, he’s just following his destiny.

[blossom-hwa]

a detailed analysis of rizz levels across pretty much every group I stan 

chip ( @wingkkun​​ ) and I had a very interesting conversation about this a couple months ago. here are the results, complete with direct citations and paraphrasing from our instagram dms. I do not take constructive criticism but I will entertain debates in my inbox. think of it as a scientific peer review

table of contents (in order): txt | seventeen | stray kids | ateez | the boyz | honorary mentions (golcha, nct, p1h, beomhan)

(disclaimer: all of this is meant in good fun and is not meant to be rude or harmful to any member I talk about. I love every one of them and in the end this is all just a joke!)

TXT.

soobin: below the charts. this man has negative infinity rizz. less rizz than me and that’s saying something bc I only ever flirt on accident if I tried to do it on purpose the world would explode. the limit of his rizz as you approach any point is negative infinity and I do not feel sorry for saying this. in the wise words of chip, “we like you bc ur ultimate cringefail (affectionate)”

taehyun: net positive rizz. I'm definitely biased but also do not argue with me I will bite your face off. the amount of rizz he has is a true problem and I am not immune to it (neither are you). he’s so cute and he’s also so hot and smart and I'm never going to shut up if I keep going so I'll stop. positive rizz. off the charts. do not @ me.

beomgyu: please refer to hoshi’s bit below. they are one and the same. beomgyu had too much rizz it was eating him alive so his body compressed and converted it (lossless compression) to another form and now he’s a chaos monster who screams for a living and oozes what remains of his original rizz onstage. we love him for it

hyuka: +10 rizz because he’s cute. no more than that because he’s an overgrown baby (affectionate). he gives me a lot of brain damage but it’s just because of his plushies and his little brother energy so I feel like he could manipulate me with his rizz but it would only go so far before I either pat his head bc he’s so cute or I punch him in the face bc of the annoying sibling energy therefore he only gets ten points

yeonjun: after going through the entirety of our conversation I realize now that chip and I forgot to diagnose the rizz levels of the fourth gen it boy so now I'm pulling some shit out of my ass. net positive but low magnitude. I give him +3. mostly because he’s got insane stage presence and has the ability to kick beomgyu in the face but he’s soooooo pathetic. possibly reading skye’s ( @warmau​​ ) thoughts about him have influenced me but he’s pathetic hence the very very low magnitude of rizz. I am not sorry

SEVENTEEN.

mingyu: rizzless. I direct you to this post I made because it’s factual and explains his horrifically low levels of rizz. do not be fooled by this man’s muscles he’s constantly screaming crying throwing up to be told he’s sexy but the second someone does tell him that he’s a blushing anime girl (affectionate) and we love him for it but he’s rizzless. negative off the charts

jun: rizzless but not in the same manner as mingyu he just does not know what rizz is. very similar to juyeon in this manner. the8 or dino have definitely tried to explain rizz to him before but he simply does not understand and does not care to. even if he did understand it I'm still not certain he’d care which gives him a lower magnitude rizz than mingyu which is better even if it’s still negative

the8: positive rizz with quite a high magnitude. I can’t quantify it but it doesn’t even matter because even though he has rizz he doesn’t use it. he’d rather tell us to stop having a parasocial relationship with people behind our little computer screens and ooze rizz via charisma on stage instead and I can respect that.

seungkwan: so much rizz. so much fucking rizz have you ever seen this man complimenting female idols on shows. have you ever seen this man tell idols they’re pretty and wonderful and beautiful in every which way without batting a damn eye and with so much earnestness I blush. cannot believe chip ever thought this man as on the same level of rizzlessness as soob smh

vernon: 0 rizz, but this does not mean he is rizzless. rizz is a spectrum and having 0 levels of it just means you are rizz neutral. purely neutral. no one has purely neutral rizz the way vernon does he’s simply so special. that one gose episode where he showed up in that rainbow hoodie with red glasses? that’s the epitome of rizz neutrality

s.coups: refer to daeyeol’s bit below. handsome. reliable. have you seen him with kkuma. I melt every time. unfortunately he is still horrifically pathetic and though we adore him for it this does unfortunately decrease his rizz levels drastically. without it he’d probably be somewhere at positive infinity but now he’s at like +8. the world knew that if coups wasn’t pathetic enough he’d be too powerful so they had to humble him.

hoshi: he doesn’t have rizz but it’s not like the nerds where their rizz levels are just buried in the negatives it’s more like the magnitude of his rizz was so high that it has since been compressed and turned into something else. so he has no rizz but it’s not because he was born pathetic, it’s because it was converted due to the law of conservation of rizz (real)

wonwoo: similar to taehyun in that they’re both very positive but slightly different. yes they are both gym rats yes they are both token introverts (sort of) but wonwoo is a gamer. their rizz is fundamentally different but they’ve evolved to be similar due to their personalities kinda like wings on bats and birds. as you can tell it’s been a while since I took biology

jeonghan: similar to lino in that he has rizz but he stole it. the difference between them is that lino has some natural organic rizz while jeonghan was born with none and stole all that he owns now. without this stolen rizz he would be a limp noodle dragging himself across the earth but now he’s a fairy. life isn’t fair

dino: negative but low magnitude. the first number I gave him was -14 I don’t really know why it was -14 specifically but the point is it’s supposed to be low magnitude. recently he began climbing my bias list and chip yesterday convinced me to change his magnitude to to something lower so I now give him -4. I am easily swayed

joshua: positive rizz in the same manner as jangjun et al. the man is fucking insane. insane charisma but also just plain insane. I'm not entirely convinced he didn’t steal some of it but while jeonghan freely admits that he stole it joshua keeps evading the question. there is a venn diagram of jangjun et al and lino et al and joshua is in the intersection

woozi: I considered an intersection between chanhee and the8 and I think woozi falls into it. perhaps I've just been gaslit into thinking he has positive rizz but let’s just roll with the thought. has some rizz like the8 (less than the8 though) but does not care to use it (like chanhee) and also doesn’t really care that it’s there. he just kinda lets it be

dk: net negative but low magnitude. I originally gave him -13 to bc I thought he was a step above dino but not by much. I still kind of think this way so I'm elevating him to -3 since dino got elevated to -4. sorry dino I think you’ll always be one step behind no matter how big of a crush I have on you

STRAY KIDS. 

lino: has rizz but in the wrong way. the man touches butts for a living AND he has cats he’s got to have some rizz hence the net positive but he also definitely stole some. please refer to my comments on this post for details he definitely does not organically have all this rizz but he’s stolen it and now it’s his you can’t ask for it back

chan: also has rizz but in the wrong way but also differently from lino. chan should not have as much rizz as he does but he’s got that “libra sun scorpio venus rizz” (chip) which makes him extremely dangerous. he’s a loser and for that I'd give him negative rizz but unfortunately he has an aura that separates him from the likes of mingyu (it’s the dilf dad energy) so he has net positive rizz of a dangerous magnitude.

jisung: we welcome another member to the ranks of the negative infinity rizz. do I even need to explain. does the anime girl babygirl pathetic cute energy not already do enough explanation for you. I should not have to spell out the fact that this man is rizzless at every point on the mathematic plane. I love him to death but that will not save him from the rizzless fate

seungmin: please refer to jangjun in the honorary mentions below. his rizz applies here. positive rizz. high magnitude. ridiculous for a man of his caliber but here we are. he’s got some weird mutant rizz and that’s all I can really say like.....what do you become when you have rizz levels +69,420. what do you fucking do. 

changbin: fluctuates between +10 and -10 like a sine curve (please refer to mingi’s bit for more information). his positive rizz is similar energy to yunho but louder and his negative rizz is just pathetic baby boy-ness. I adore him. big muscle men who are soft. I don’t have a section for wonho but if I did they’d be of very similar types. 

hyunjin: negative rizz. he’s an only child what else do I need to say. ferret energy. flails around. long limbs that he doesn’t know what to do with. so much baby girl energy I always want to laugh at him (affectionate). lovely boy so very lovely with such fucking negative rizz

felix: like jangjun and co his rizz got converted but unlike jangjun and co it was not converted to insanity. it was converted to something...... alien. idk how to explain it. asymptotic rizz, according to chip. weird behavior as x approaches infinity. I agree with this assessment. nothing earthly explains how this man is so ethereal so I have concluded that alien magic converted his rizz to ethereality

jeongin: ok so I did say vernon is the only one who’s truly reached rizz neutral but jeongin is pretty close. similar vibes. they’re both slightly insane of course but they are also more than likely to just stand there and vibe. this gives off rizz neutrality. jeongin is less neutral (probably tipped in the negative direction) but he’s getting there. 

ATEEZ.

seonghwa: rizzless this man is the nerdiest nerd ever he is RIZZLESS. magnitude infinity in the negative region of the graph. he and soobin are two sides of the same coin the latter is a lanky little gamer dude and the former is a Star Wars nerd with a display case for his figurines. the absolute most negative rizz ever (affectionate)

yunho: oooooooo my god. positive rizz if I've ever seen one. so much rizz. so much fucking rizz. the magnitude of his rizz is off the charts and unlike the other insane ones his rizz didn’t get converted so he is DANGEROUS. if you ever meet this man in the wild run in the other direction you will not survive his pull. in the wise words of chip “yunho has |rizz| (absolute positive rizz)”

mingi: his rizz...fluctuates. like a sine curve idk. he alternates between having so much rizz it hurts and so little rizz it’s laughable. yes I have definitely been influenced by having seen him in concert twice (do NOT bring up the fact that he became a wrecker after the second). he knows he’s hot and will use that to the best of his ability but he’s also kind of pathetic and for some reason it doesn’t balance out so he fluctuates

jongho: has rizz. does not care to use it. falls in the same camp of the the8-ers (refer to the seventeen section) in which he prefers to simply ooze rizz onstage and kill everyone’s heart there instead of flirting with fans. respectable. also incredibly dangerous. everyone wants to hug him but if you try to his rizz will snap you in half but if not huggable then why hug shape?

hongjoong: net positive rizz but he’s convinced he has more than he does so I dock several points due to excessive confidence. panics too much when wooyoung tries to kiss him for me to restore them. if he gay panicked a little less then I might consider him having as much rizz as he says he does but alas he does not and so I will not. 

san: -10 rizz. negative but not too negative. he’s really cute and really hot but also really pathetic and I say this with the greatest fondness imaginable. remember that one poll where tiny voted him as the person they’d least like to vacation w bc he’d stay inside (don’t worry me too san)? same vibes. his patheticness outweighs his hotness and while they’re close, ultimately patheticness wins out. sorry not sorry

yeosang: net positive rizz but he does not use it. this is not by choice. he just doesn’t know how to. in fact I'm not fully convinced he knows what rizz is. in this manner he is somewhat similar to juyeon (refer to the boyz section below) except where juyeon’s rizz is negative infinity yeosang has some positive levels. in chip’s words get well soon yeo

wooyoung: falls in the same camp as hyunjae in that he has fully negative rizz and embraces this fact to use it as a weapon. dangerous man. fully insane. if his rizz was positive he’d be the same as jangjun and co but unfortunately he’s pathetic for hongjoong so his rizz is negative and is not handled the same way. 

THE BOYZ.

hyunjae: all of Bermuda line is rizzless to the max but in different ways. in hyunjae’s case he knows he is rizzless and fully accepts and utilizes this to his benefit. you’re telling me this man doesn’t know how pathetic (fond) he is? he’s self aware and will absolutely use this against you. as dangerous as those with high positive levels of rizz. watch the fuck out

younghoon: fully rizzless bc he’s in Bermuda line but is not self aware. in fact he protests that he does have positive rizz but look at this man. he has the energy of a dying victorian child trying to make it past this cold, cold winter. all you want to do is pat his head and coo at him to make him feel better he has no rizz. absolute negatives. 

juyeon: again, completely and negatively rizzless since he’s in Bermuda line but like younghoon he is fully unaware. in a different way though. why you ask? because this man definitely has no idea what rizz is. look at his sweet little eyes and tell me he knows. that’s right. you can’t. 

q: negative rizz. not as low as Bermuda line/seonghwa/soobin/etc. but still quite negative. the thing is no one ever tells him this or brings it up to his face because he’s dangerous. he may not know what rizz is but he does know what an insult is and if you say a word about his purported negative rizz levels you will not be heard from again. this is a warning. 

sangyeon: has net positive rizz. it isn’t super high but given the fact that I've just said four of his members have some of the lowest rizz levels imaginable it’s relatively high in the realm of tbz. can’t really explain it but he gets this rizz from his hot tired uncle energy that no one is immune to. have you seen him with his nephews? don’t argue with me. 

(at this point chip told me to stop making rizz comments bc their stomach hurt. I did not stop)

kevin: rizz levels -1. not quite negative infinity. in fact pretty far from it. still negative though and he’ll never recover from that. I'd say that I'm sorry but I'm really not no matter how much this man works out I will never be able to stop laughing at him to his face (in best friend fashion). love you kev

new: negative. not horrifically so like Bermuda line but still more negative than kev. you may be thinking what the fuck lina new has so much rizz wdym? you’re wrong. he doesn’t have rizz and he doesn’t care. his lack of care gives the illusion that he actually has positive rizz but he does not. do not be fooled

haknyeon: POSITIVE RIZZ. do not question the positive rizz of tangerine boy ju haknyeon. it may not be positive infinity but I do say he’s around +50ish and given the patheticness that surrounds him that’s pretty fucking good I’d say. so much rizz. so much true rizz. I love him

sunwoo: the most negative fucking rizz ever except he’s convinced it’s positive.  see without this unfounded conviction his rizz would just be somewhere around -50 and he’d be fine because Bermuda line exists but nooooo he decided to ruin it by being overly confident in his rizz powers so now he’s at negative infinity and one. sucks to suck.

jacob: (chip came up with this one) he has beomgyu and jangjun levels of rizz so like rizz off the charts but while a lot of it was converted into weirdness some of it stayed rizz so. hm. a tamer version of jangjun if you will. however beware because his rizz is once again increasing since he stopped playing league. watch out.

eric: negative rizz. same boat as sunwoo. their rizz magnitudes are the exact same and in the same direction (negative obviously) but it’s in a slightly different manner. both have unfounded confidence in their imaginary positive rizz levels but eric’s is in the manner of a teacher’s pet who thinks they’re popular while sunwoo is just plain mad

HONORARY MENTIONS.

jangjun (golden child): positive rizz and it’s terrible. I can’t tell you what the number is (it’s +69,420) but it’s really fucking high and I hate it. most of his rizz has been compressed and converted like hoshi’s to something resembling insanity but unlike hoshi there is a dangerous amount left. beware this man

daeyeol (golden child): +5 rizz. he’s handsome and reliable and if we got married I would be able to trust him to get things done. similar to sangyeon in that he’s got hot tired uncle energy but he’s also pathetic so he only gets five rizz points

mark (nct): negative rizz if I've ever seen one, but missing the negative infinity rizz by one point. I just need him differentiated from soobin and jisung and the other pathetic ones. mark is pathetic but I give him one point out of pity

beomhan (??): I don’t know anything about this guy except that he can’t cook and has high cholesterol problems from eating too many eggs but he’s in the same group as jangjun and co

keeho (p1h): I also don’t know anything about this guy except what chip has told me but I think he’s similar to chanhee and chip thinks he’s on sunwoo’s level. do with this information what you will

[tokiro07]

Undead Unlcuk ch.186 thoughts

[Just Like Mama Used to Make]

(Contents: thematic analysis - artistic expression)

Before I say anything else, I just want to note how hard that one bystander saying "what the fuck?" made me laugh. That killed me. With how much wild shit the Union gets up to, it's refreshing to see someone not only witness it, but actually acknowledge it. I still wonder how the audience for Feng's martial arts tournament reacted to all of the weird fights

I also want to point out that in this loop, Enjin's iconic ripped hat look is created from him being thrown through the wall of his mother's hospital room. I'm sure there was some cool story to it originally, but nope, this time he just...biffed a landing, s'all. As usual, no dignity in this series

Onto the chapter, I figured that this chapter was going to continue to expand on the idea of togetherness using food as a symbol like last week, but nope! We're movin' on! Instead of examining how the act of eating can deepen bonds, this week we're examining the difference between mass appeal and individual experience

Enjin's ramen, made with refined technique, is "objectively" good food that pretty much anyone will say is tasty, but aside from the opportunity for custom orders like "extra toppings" or "light on the X," the overall dish is always the same. Without any direct input, Enjin will always produce the same meal, with the expectation that it's so high quality that no one could possibly dislike it. This approach is not necessarily wrong, as consistency is an important factor in food service, but it does mean that if there's any one factor that any one customer doesn't like, they won't end up enjoying it because it doesn't match with their personal taste

It's kind of like if a manga starts out with one of the main leads sexually harassing the other. Sure, the manga as a whole may be great, possibly even the best among its contemporaries, but some people just aren't going to be able to get past that initial bad taste in their mouth. No matter how good the end product is, someone is going to slip through the cracks

Someone isn't going to be able to stand how hot the broth is, someone isn't going to like the mushrooms or the bamboo shoots, and someone isn't going to appreciate seeing a girl get groped by a man whose dick is flopping in the wind. This is an unavoidable truth in the creative process: there is no such thing as perfect. There will always be flaws, and there will always be detractors, but there will also always be fans willing to stand by the art and declare that it's their absolute favorite

This is where Fuuko's ramen comes in: even if only two people out of...what, fifty people(?) liked it, what matters is that the person it was meant for liked it. The point was to show Enjin that no amount of refinement would be able to capture everyone's hearts, but any amount of consideration would capture the heart of the one person it's meant to. Luckily there was another person present who fit in that same niche to drive the point home, but even without that child, I think Enjin would have gotten the point

When it comes to art, you sometimes need to ignore the instinct to try to appeal to anyone and instead focus on creating the thing that you want, the thing that will make you happy. You will run the risk of alienating basically everyone, but by being honest and forthright in how you express yourself, you'll eventually find someone who your work truly resonates with

Fuuko's touch-starved isolation, Andy's hedonistic depression, Billy's stoic responsibility, Rip's dual loves...these aren't things that everyone can relate to, even if they can sympathize. But to someone who feels isolated, who tries to fight against crushing despair with a plastered smile, who bears the weight of the world on their shoulders, or knows what it's like to love more than others say they should, these things will all ring true, and make that reader feel like someone, somewhere finally understands, like someone said all the things they wish they could if they only had the talent or the time

To me, this chapter isn't about cooking, it's about the act of creation. It's about the act of sharing your soul with the world around you and knowing that you resonated with even just one person, and knowing that that one person's world has changed for the better. It's about the act of receiving a piece of someone and being able to smile back at them, telling them that the message has been received

Maybe this won't be what anyone else sees. Maybe this chapter will come across as lukewarm to somebody, maybe even to most people. Maybe it was mediocre at best to someone and they'd prefer something with a bit more of a kick. But someone, maybe just one person, was able to really sink their teeth into this one and savor all of the ingredients, the love and the care that went into creating this piece. Someone was moved to tears, and someone looks at the world just a little differently now thanks to this chapter

Until next time, let's enjoy life

[two-braincells-in-total]

Why I love Juliette Ferrars and you should too

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Juliette hater or supporter, please read this, I spent a lot of time on it, and it’s important to know who the main character of the book we’re reading really is for the sake of truly understanding the book.

I somehow ended up on a side of TikTok that’s filled with Juliette haters and I’m not happy about it. If Juliette has zero haters then I’m dead, so I decided to write a full analysis of her character throughout the series in the notes of my phone because that’s exactly what normal people do at 2 am (it was edited properly before posting btw). Buckle your seatbelts, we’ll be here for a while.

Starting off with Shatter me, book 1. At the beginning, Juliette is locked up, knows nothing about the outside world, she’s borderline insane. All she knows is what happened before she got sent to the asylum, which is what makes her think that her powers make her a monster (because of what happened to the boy when she was 14) or at least contributes for that mindset.

Many Juliette haters say that they dislike her because she’s whiny. I think the previous paragraph is enough to see how ridiculous that sounds, but I’ll elaborate because I’ve argued with some before and they didn’t find it enough. Now, let’s get back on the timeline to before the book even started (aka her backstory).

She’s a 17 yo with abusive parents who have isolated her since they found out about her powers. Not only that, but they made a point of showing her that they think she’s a monster, which is also contributing to the mindset of hers that I mentioned above. Her mother put her hand in the fire when she was FUCKING 6 YO to see if she was human enough to burn. I haven’t read Juliette’s diary, so I don’t know if we were told about other specific situations from her childhood like this one, because there wasn’t much info about her life with her adoptive parents in the books, except this one, but we were explicitly told that they’re abusive and can definitely say that shit like this happened all throughout her life with them, aka at least 14 yrs (before she killed that boy) and possibly up until she was 16 (that’s when she got locked up in the asylum. I say possibly because she spent a lot of time in detention centers, so I’m not sure if they had enough time with her for that, but if they did, they definitely used it), which is a lot of abuse when you do the math. Keep in mind all of the cruel kids and teachers during her earlier years. They add even more trauma.

This gives her a lot of reasons to develop mental health issues that some would describe as her being whiny. So, yes, it’s absolutely reasonable for her to feel insecure and sad for herself as she does in all books, especially in Shatter me and Unravel me. She’s a traumatized teenage girl acting like a traumatized teenage girl.

Thing is, she isn’t even as whiny as they make her out to be. I’m not saying she wasn’t at all, but it was a reasonable amount, considering her trauma. I know for a fact that if I was in her place, I would’ve been much more whiny and annoying, and this probably applies to all of us. She spent the page time she was in the asylum for to do that and she did throw several tantrums at the base with Warner, but she spent most of her time there pretending to adjust and she did it so well that she managed to fool Warner and escape with Adam. She was amazing during the time between them escaping and the end of the book. She really pulled herself together for that part of the book, so you can’t say she was whiny the whole time, because it would be straight up false information.

Moving onto Unravel me (I’ll talk about her relationship with Adam and how it changed her after I discuss her character on its own). She’s at Omega Point and has trouble adjusting. She’s relearning how to communicate and is still struggling with her trauma, which makes it harder for her to train her powers. She, again, has every right to be whiny, as they say, but she also gets the wake-up call from Kenji in this book. She pulls herself together and actually starts figuring out what her powers can do and she also starts building relationships with other members of the resistance, such as Winston, Brendan, Lily, Ian. This is a very important part of her character development, her finally getting people to help her stay pulled together and not fall apart, her making friends. There isn’t much else about this book individually, what I haven’t mentioned about it, I’ll talk about after I finish individual books, but it was a very important step in her personal growth.

The biggest jump in her character development happens in Ignite me. She was the most pulled together in this book and that’s why it’s most people’s favorite (plus the relationship with Warner).She fully takes control of her life and risks it all for a better world. She now has full control of her powers and knows they’re a strength, not a curse. She’s making plans to overthrow the Reestablishment and to change the world for the better and she wins the war at the end of the book. A huge part of this book is her relationship with Warner that I’ll talk about later.

Juliette in Restore me is a little bit different. She is the surpreme commander but is doubting herself all the time. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do and her insecurities come marching back into her head. She finally finds a piece of truth about her past and that really changes things. The state her character is in during the book is something that might’ve been annoying at first, but it was actually necessary. It shows that healing isn’t linear and that the fact that you were at a high point doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get low again. She might not have been as strong as she was in Ignite me, but that version of her was needed to build the final Juliette later on, and to show a realistic process of healing scars from a traumatic past.

Defy me shows how she got back up from the point she was at in Restore me. She was regaining her strength, managing to piece together the whole story of her past from beginning to end and finally finding Emmaline. I think this book is the best one in the series, not only because of the writing and plot, but also because of her character in it. She was determined to get out of Oceania and, even though Kenji and Nazeera helped her do it, she managed. She showed us how we shouldn’t give up, even when we fell from a high point. There is hope for a happy ending, there can a spark of happiness in dark times.

Imagine me Juliette lost her memories. We see her inner debate about doing her job vs helping people in need. We see that even when she doesn’t know who she is in the literal sense of the word, she still has that piece of her that wants to help people, to be kind. When she gets back her memories, she finally makes things right. This is the end of her character development.

Let’s get to the three main relationships that she forms throughout the series, the ones that contribute to her character development the most.

1) Her relationship with Adam – they meet in Shatter me and start dating almost immediately, which should’ve been the first red flag. She was a broken girl who knew nothing about the world and he was someone who wanted to protect her. He kind of has a savior mentality, always wanting to keep the people close to him safe, when it actually does them harm. This protective wing that he has over Juliette and him being immune to her powers give her the impression that she doen;t have them when she’s with him, that she’s a normal human. Notice how she thinks it’s the lack of powers that make her human. It’s important for the point I’m trying to get across.

All of this seems like the right thing to do in Shatter me, but the situation changes in Unravel me. We find out about Adam’s powers and how his relationship with Juliette isn’t as safe for his life as they thought. They start fighting and break up.

In Ignite me, Adam starts showing his red flags. He refuses to accept the fact that she doesn’t want him back. He keeps telling her that she shouldn’t take the chance that Warner is offering, he’s holding her back. Even she says it on multiple occasions.

The relationship was toxic but it was necessary for both of their character developments. They started off as two teenagers who didn’t know what love is, so they thought that the first act of kindness someone shows them is love. The fact that she didn’t want or need to be protected anymore didn’t fit the narrative and they weren’t complementing each other anymore. Both of them said and did thing they shouldn’t have, not only him, but also not only her. It was bound to fail, but it thought both of them something and it sets us up for personal growth for both of them. They both found someone who they made it work with (Warner and Alia) and ended it on good terms. If it wasn’t for the failed relationship, Adam wouldn’t have learnt more about Warner and they woulnd’t have bonded as brothers later on.

The relationship was painful for both, but it was needed for the personal growth. Juliette realized that she doesn’t need to be protected and Adam swallowed his ego.

2) Her relationship with Warner – He was the first person to encourage her to use her powers to their full potential, the first to reassure her that they don’t make her a monster. That’s exactly why she thought that getting closer to him was a moral slip. He reminded her of her monsterous side, unlike Adam, who she thought was her link to humanity.

Juliette haters sometimes say that she was playing with his feelings when she a) shot him in Shatter me, b) said Adam’s name in Unravel me and c) broke up with him in Restore me. Let’s discuss those three events.

a) I think he absolutely deserved the shot. He forced himself on her and even though he apologized, it was still wrong. She didn’t care about him at the time, she took advantage of the situation and saved Adam with the shot. Don’t get me wrong, I love Warner but he. Deserved. The shot.

b) She didn’t mean it maliciously. She just suddenly realized that she just broke up with Adam and it slipped from her mouth. The kiss was also a moral slip, she had a lot of those moral slips in Ignite me. Even though they weren’t kisses, she thought that her attraction to him was wrong. This is why she pushed him away every time they got close. It’s a trauma response. And this time it was a simple accident. She didn’t mean to say it. She didn’t mean to hurt him

c) This is the reason I hate Castle. He knew everything about Juliette from the very beginning. That’s why he sent Kenji to get her. He should’ve told her when she got to Omega Point, or at least when she became surpreme commander. By not telling her, he puts the blame on Warner and that’s why everything happened the way it did. And she was right to be angry. She took it out on Warner because that’s what Castle made it look like by making him tell her. It wasn’t Warner’s fault but it wasn’t Juliette’s either. They were kids who were put on the spot by the person who was supposed to guide them. Neither of them was at fault, especially not Juliette.

Warner’s relationship with Juliette was very important for her character development. He was constant reassurance and encouragement, and love. She needed that. The stages of their relationship and its ups and downs are similar to Juliette’s personal ones and I find this a very good parallel. He helped her get back up when she was low. He was a very important person in her life and really necessary for her personal growth, just as she was to him. They helped each other find out what love really is, because neither of them knew before they met.

3) Juliette’s friendship with Kenji – he was the person to tell her to get the fuck up and stop crying. He was the reason she took over her powers and got strong enough mentally to fight and win and rule. People might say that she only made it because of him and they’d be right, but that’s not a bad thing. We need other people to be the way we are. Nobody can make it on their own. That’s the point of their friendship.

Their friendship also showed us another side of her. In his POV we see on multiple occasions that he wouldn’t have made it without her either.

Here are some quotes from Kenji’s POV:

“No one really cares about my emotional state; no one but J, if I’m being honest.” – Reveal me

“I know if she could just see me, she’d know something was wrong and she’d come over here. I know she would.” – Reveal me

“I’ve tried talking to Castle or Winston – even Ian – but no one has ever clicked the way J does.” – Reveal me

“With her, it’s different. I never even realized how much I was missing until we really got to know each other.” – Reveal me

“She doesn’t have to say a word. I can look into her eyes and know she gets it.” – Reveal me

“She gives a shit about me in a way no one else ever has.” – Reveal me

“I hear some kind of shuffle, and my hear picks up. J always comes through. She always comes through.” – Reveal me

“But in an instant, her smile is gone. And when she goes suddenly pale, when her eyes pull together in concern – I feel the tiniest bit better. I know it’s strange, but there’s something reassuring about her reaction; it means that at least something is right with the world. Because I knew. I knew that, unlike everyone else, she’d see right away that I wasn’t okay. That I’m not okay. No superpowers necessary. And somehow, that means everything.” – Reveal me

There are more, but I think those prove my point. (Translation: My brain is turning off soon, so I gotta finish this instead of finding every single thing Kenji has ever said about J)

I think they’re pretty self-explanatory, but still – she cares about people. He explicitly says that’s what makes her a good leader. And we see that through her friendship with Kenji. He might’ve been the one to help her get it together, but she did the same to him, and we always overlook that fact. It’s a very important part of her character that I had to mention for this to be completed.

Before I finish this off, there are two more thing that I want to discuss. They are things Juliette haters say that I want to prove wrong.

1) “Juliette was stupid” – no she wasn’t. She was learning how to socialize again after isolation, that’s why she wasn’t socially smart, which is the reason they might think she was stupid. She was actually a very smart girl and the plans she made weren’t out of character. And they were working for a reason. The reason being – she’s. not. Stupid. Also, it’s not her fault no one ever told her anything!

2) “They would’ve made it without her, she wasn’t special. It might’ve been easier” – actually, they did need her. They wouldn’t have made it without Warner and he wouldn’t have participated if it wasn’t for her. Another thing is, Emmaline was directly related to her. And she was also part of the reestablishment’s plan. They wouldn’t have found where Emmaline was kept to take her down without Juliette. She was important to resistance. They needed her. Not because of her powers, but because of connections she brought them. She was also a very good leader, it’s just that nobody told her what she’s supposed to do. How is she expected to know how to do something that she’s never heard how to do before?

Something else about her is that no matter what she went through, she still managed to be kind. She was strong but she had a heart.

All in all, I think she was an amazing person, human-wise. She had every right to be ‘whiny’ in the beginning, so, no, this isn’t a good argument against her. As a character, she was incredibly written. Her character development wasn’t linear, she had ups and downs, which is something very realistic and it was also written well. She never felt ooc, she just healed realistically. Did she have flaws? Many. Some of them were small, others weren’t. But she was human. Imperfect. You say you want complex characters, imperfect characters, but you lose your shit when the fmc is actually complex and flawed.

The point of the series is that a past doesn’t define if you’ll do great things in your life. That’s up to you. And that, as I said, healing isn’t linear, so having low points doesn’t mean you won’t make it. The point of this series is Juliette’s growth throughout the books and for a good character arc to happen, you need a very flawed character to start with. That’s exactly what she is. I get not liking her as a person (actually I don’t) but you should really consider looking at her from the character angle. If you still don’t believe that what I said in this paragraph is true, then you really lack media literacy – you had 6 books, 5 novellas and this thing and if you still don’t get it, that sounds like a you problem.

Now, as a finale:

To other Juliette supporters – please tell me if I missed anything, or I interpreted something incorrectly.

To Juliette haters (or recently former ones, if this post made you doubt your first judgment) that hate her as a person, I have a question – do you dislike her because she isn’t likable, or is it just your internalized misogyny speaking?

DISCLAIMER 1: If you still don’t like her, I’m not going to fight you on it. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, I just wanted to put my point across and spark a little bit of thought process about her.

DISCLAIMER 2: This might be awfully written and maybe I’m a horrible at interpretations, I’m sorry. I know this is all over the place and chaotic (my teachers are crying rn), I’m sorry. I said everything I can say about her, and maybe I worded some things wrong, please correct me if it comes to it.

Bye!

3260 words on this, omg, longest thing I’ve ever written

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

New therapist appt was the other day and I've been chewing on it ever since.

There's something about the way therapists interact with my existing/suspected diagnoses that always feels really telling and like.

I could just read the "I think you self-sabotage all your relationships" pouring off this woman the entire hour.

I....don't.

I mean. A lot of people do, it's a really normal aspect of like. 60% of mental health issues.

But that's really never been my problem. My problem is that the relationships I have are extremely limited. I could count a lifetime's worth of emotionally intimate relationships on my fingers. I also have a lot of people in my life that I know and interact with positively and care about without being at all close to! But everyone else I basically never even got around to learning their names. My relationships are actually.....shockingly stable? Most of the people I'm close to I met before leaving my undergrad program (high school/college) and there's been very little change to my social circle since then.

So like. While I get the importance of helping with this when it happens (everyone deserves a stable support system!) it is genuinely pretty unhelpful to me specifically to be treated as if that is my primary symptom needing attention. Especially on the basis of an initial session where I'm basically just rattling off my on-paper history with some more detail than the intake forms had.

I actually know how to have healthy and positive relationships and the relationships that I have in my life at this time are ones that have BEEN that consistently for me for a decade or more. What I *do* need ongoing support for is the obsessions/compulsions I've been avoiding working on for the last 10 yrs because out of everything they were the least likely to end up killing me. I need someone to assess for the possibility of ADHD. I need someone who can help me retether when my grounding/embodiment gets loose. And yeah. CBT/DBT has been helpful for that. But largely because it allows me to cope with extreme amounts of psychological stress/distress when my survival systems collapse. Not because I'm at risk of blowing up my relationships during a trigger episode. What's most helpful to me is having someone who can keep up with my own systems analysis well enough to be a genuinely useful sounding board. CBT/DBT can be a really effective vessel for that, but I've also had therapists whose primary modality was just being an anthropologist at me in a clinical setting and she was the best therapist I've ever had.

I dunno. It's just frustrating when mental health care professionals are so.....functionally off track? Like if you are focusing, as a provider, on symptoms I don't present with, while dismissing symptoms I *do* it makes me feel super not-confident in your ability to provide me adequate care. And it's like my own practice as a provider makes it that much less tolerable when my own providers are being obtuse about shit. I do actually know what I need and what my care should look like. I've been doing this longer than you, unless you're already more than 20 yrs deep into your career, so maybe take a beat to assume competence before trying to diagnose me with something no provider from my past has EVER thought I fit while suggesting my existing diagnoses, that took time and work and thought to settle on, should be overturned. The most insulting part is her KNOWING we have the same job and educational background when she made these assertions. So like. It's not even like she has an excuse for talking down to me the way she did.

"Has anyone ever talked to you about the neurological impact of early childhood trauma?"

Well maam, if the therapist who diagnosed me and took me through EIGHT GODDAMN YEARS of therapy didn't manage to cover enough of that ground, I *did* also spend 3 yrs working in the child welfare system and then took courses towards a trauma specialty certification during my masters so YEAH. SOMEONE TOLD ME.

"Sometimes we see lots of unrelated diagnoses when really it's all trauma"

Yeah, and sometimes children are born with neurological/mental health needs that predate any opportunjty for trauma and even make them more vulnerable TO that trauma when it arrives. So like maybe consider that it doesn't have to be one or the other. Maybe the other diagnoses are unrelated because they're fucking unrelated.

I wish I could say I feel satisfied with the way I advocated for myself in that session but I don't, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still rehashing the conversation 72 hours later.

I just. I don't know how I went in saying I have an existing PTSD and recent OCD diagnosis but I want to assess for the possibility of ADHD because of conversations with my wife (ADHD) and my most recent therapist (qualified LICSW) and somehow leave being told she wants to change my diagnosis to borderline on the basis of a single conversation and an introductory psych history.

It also feels super irresponsible to me given the social stigma and diagnostic stigma around BPD. Like. I have diagnosed BPD before, and you know what path I pretty much always follow? Adjustment D/o for the first 6 months of care during which we do comprehensive assessment work and some long term stabilization. Once that's in place I reassess for BPD based on symptoms I have directly observed or had reported to me. I have never suggested BPD to someone on a first appt because personality disorders are notoriously fiddly to diagnose and it would be irresponsible to try to do so without either the presence of acute and explicit symptoms or long term treatment relationships. If you're going to give a client a diagnosis that is so stigmatized within our field you better be damn sure before you ever include it on their chart. Otherwise you are setting them up for serious maltreatment within the system. And if one of your early conversations isn't then about how your client can and should advocate for themselves within the system under their new diagnosis (and the ways you plan to support them in that) you can go fuck yourself.

So yeah. I'm feeling.....anxious. about my new therapist to say the least. I'm going to keep seeing her for now. The practice itself comes highly recommended and has all the psych services I need rolled into one practice so it would be exceedingly frustrating to have to leave and I don't want to get a bad reputation by therapist hopping within the practice either. So I need to stick it out a while and see if I can make this workable. At least until end of Feb. If I get there and it still isn't working out I can let her know I'd like to go back on the waitlist for another provider. But man. It fucking sucks that she already seems to have decided on a narrative before even talking symptom occurrence patterns with me.

[compassrosegames]

Hooked On You - Analysis

Well, little more than an hour. About 1:20 though closer to 1:10 or so.

The basic premise is that you wash up on the shores of a mysterious island with four eligible ki- ahem, contestants for your romantic interest, all taken from the popular Dead By Daylight. Trapper, Huntress, Wraith, and Spirit. There is also Trickster, who is framed as a "nice guy" antagonist, as well as two "assistants" who are the organizers of this entire escapade (I get a kick out of how they both blink at the exact same time, it makes their occasional psychotic breaks ). As well, the Narrator and the Ocean both act as 3rd person narrators fighting over control of the fourth wall.

Overall it has a lighthearted tone with lots of comedic value, focusing on the ridiculousness of the premise, but leaning into it in a way that feels natural for an audience that is horny for a melange of ghostly murderers. There is also the mystery of how to get off of the island which is hinted at through several of the characters, including the Ocean.

This is more or less a standard visual novel where it takes a novel and breaks it into a quick time event of "How many sentences is this?" and "Oh shit what did I miss." I'm not really a fan of the genre of game just because a novel is easier to read, but this one really hooked me by the second day. The killer's dialogue is well written and they play off each other with very distinct voices. Every so often the player is presented with a choice of dialogue options, which may or may not affect the story further down the line, or even change the course of the current conversation. This allows for a decent amount of replay value as the game is only limited by the amount of text that is made. Mini-games also offer a change of pace while adding a sense of tension.

Which is one of the things that this game takes advantage of, it's Dead By Daylight repair mechanic, a small timing mini-game where the player has to hit a target with a spinner that progressively gets faster. This is notable in it's sheer flexibility, swapping images to make the mini-game more appropriate to the story setting. It can also be inverted where the spinner is an entire plate, and the target is mostly obscured until the 'hole' in the spinner is over it.

Like most dating shows, this game is divided up into "days" and "dates." It takes about half an hour to get through an in game "day" which is usually comprised of a morning, date, evening, and recap. The morning is where the player chooses who they will spend the day with. The date usually involves a quiz of relatively specialized knowledge involving three questions (I got astronomy and mycology). Which impresses your date if you get all three right. In the evening there is another opportunity to connect with another contestant, and then storytime. The recap is simply that, what all of the participants thought of the day. A little break in the tension, as well as a chance to reset everything and see how the killers will act the next day, leading to further anticipation.

Having gone through only about 2 and a half dates, there wasn't much time to really see how the story goes, but it was definitely intriguing and I do want to see one or two of the endings. With a possibility of me being murdered by one of the killers being an interesting option that I had forgotten to consider when booting it up.

Overall, mechanically it was what I expected. Basic visual novel broken up with choices and a versatile mini-game. Story wise I got invested in it far more quickly than I thought. I was skipping like half the text and still felt connected to the characters. Of course I accidentally got Huntress so that probably helped. The overall aesthetic also was well unified, the music, visuals, and relaxed tone of both the characters and the tropical aesthetic.

So this makes me want to take a look into character writing, or proofreading. Being able to give each character their own unique voice is going to be important for this kind of game, and since I am currently my own writer, that would be something to note. Being able to work with the material is also important, having lots of humor works here but it might not based on what kind of story I want.

[eldermindless]

Ask List time! :D

3, 10, 20, 23, 41, 56, 67, 77, 93

feeling pretty fluid rn so

✴️thèmo

🌋lucifer

✨reviko

what color are your eyes?

body: light green

✨usually dark red. i get moods sometimes tho

✴️uhhhh yellow with black star pupils. or light blue with white pupils. i am shapeshifter so it depends

🌋every time i blink they switch:)) main red or gold or some swirly fucked up shit

how would you describe your style?

✨whimsical goth, grunge, celestial

🌋i like to dress as a prince, pirate and vampire hybrid

✴️not my responsibility. guess i would go for either techwear or victorian gothic. end up dressed with flannels, crop top and funky pants

how tall are you?

body:168cm/5'6

✨taller.

🌋definitely 6`9

✴️idgaf

describe your dream date

✨ghghg oh well. like a roadtrip to some pretty spot in nature and hanging out/dancing/singing/talking/napling/doing witchcraft there. like a picnic:3 preferably not sober lmao

🌋arson. burning down police station. pulling a scam. killing god. homoerotic swordfighting. fuck that, all activities homoerotic and with much flirting

✴️uhhh i like tea. pretty sure i am aro but if friend date id like to discuss philosophy/psychology/occult while drinking my tea on top of the roof. watching sunrise perhaps

top 10 favorite songs

phèmiec: 🌋✴️little clown, ✨made of death, ✨sweet, ✨🌋boom

✨lavender blood by fox academy

✨🌋far from home by august jones

✨creature by half alive

✨tartaros by ethos of iza

✨Scarborough fair/canticle by simon n grantfunkel

🌋devil says hi by dany lightyear

✨at the bottom of everything by bright eyes

✴️very few dancers by sons of illustrous fathers

🌋run from me by timber timbre

🌋my ordinary life by the living thombstones

the comfort of a laughing track by roar

✴️my axe by faesinth

✴️limbo by pearl/iykyk/tazzy

🌋✴️sui by maretu

✴️apotheosis by thquib

would you rather live in rural areas or the  suburbs?

🌋city center. unlike those motherfuckers, i enjoy going out

✨id like to live outside of town, but still. possible to get there. but no people around.

✴️either castle or woods

 what are your hobbies?

🌋commiting tax fraud, arson, scamming, general chaos, giving life advice, seducing beings, schemes, blood magic (feeding besties), parties, destruction, fighting, fucking, teasing.

✴️in mortal body i enjoy making tea, coffee, helping people out, psychology, analysis. i enjoy discussing the peculiar. also anything with good cinematography

✨tarot readings, witchcraft, poetry, anime. maybe psychology?? its complicated. fashion, making spaces cozy, talking with friends.

do you miss anyone right now?

✨ghghg. i think so. i shouldn't?? i rarely get emotionally attached so this whole shit is. terrifying. genuinely don't know whats the normal amount.

✴️huh revi is at it again. i do not miss anyone. miss when our coffee machine worked

🌋why would i miss anyone hmm nah im pretty sure i dont

last thing you ate?

body: some beef marinated in sweet chilli/teriyaki/soy sauce

🌋milfs pussy

✴️does tea count?

✨blood probably

[sharonisthebettercarter]

yeah. pretty dumb and anticlimactic as far as endings would go. generally, i think this just comes from romanticized fantasies about seeing homelander 'subjugated' and 'controlled' but there in lies the flaw with the thinking.

*human beings*, just *fundamentally*, are not *MEANT* to be 'subjugated' or 'controlled', typically if they are aware of an attempt to do this, they are not happy with it and it *DEF* can't be something forced on someone without *MAJOR* consequences/resentment. homelander's been confirmed as someone who downright *hates* it, beyond a shadow of a doubt. over and over, he *rebels*, he's losing his fucking mind over it. but just any attempts to do so (especially disregarding consent cause there are some people who genuinely do like to give up control with *informed* consent, tho def outside of the sexual context too) do *not* end particularly well--just look at history. heads start to *roll*. it's a fuckin' trainwreck of repeated pattern with privileged, disconnected people thinking an entire population of tired and abused people won't... revolt. after being pushed too far.

*those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it*

butcher's actually an interesting play on this because he's *resigned* himself to it. he *is* the villain of his own story, masks out his ass 24/7, and is now lookin' for his final fix--without someone else to pull him off the strings? he's a complete *puppet* for his father and *everything* that man wants (and he equally hates that *butt* believes he has *no choice*, that *what* he was made to be is incapable of change...)

but i def don't think homie would 'resign' himself to it (he's not as self aware as butcher). it would more likely just become another thing that proves him "right" about humanity, a new reason to double down on how awful the species has been to him and how much he hates them. and OOF, yes, OUCH. absolutely?? this i think would def qualify as 'cruel and unusual' for him--not just cause it is literally 'unusual' lmao but because he'd be forced to *be* the *thing* that has tormented him literally all his life.

i think the thing people might not get is that homelander has an *incredible* amount of self *RESTRAINT* for the amount of power that he has. all of this? would be *gone* if he lost his powers--the assumption would be he has *no reason to hold back anymore*. in fact, he'd be given a valid (in his mind, but arguably--) enough reason to fully *LET GO*. he'd be *willing* to do much more and not care about it. he'd have to get creative and be much less *lazy* than he is currently--but let's just say he's *very* good at learning from those around him... the main mistake that people make with him is that they never believe him to be capable of *outgrowing* his proposed 'masters'

every single time. he is angered by this. and every single time... he *does*.

as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, consistent observer of it (especially on the normalized day to day bullshit, hard to ignore once you learn to spot it) and knowing first hand what a constant attempt to *control* other people does to them (one of two endings. suicide or rebellion with very little outside of that and certainly nothing good or particularly desired.)

had a sweet bean give me hope the other day<3<3<3

said that the writing is confirmed to be focused on two things:

making the characters feel as *human* as possible (emotional/irrational decisions and all lmfao they're disasters just like us~! XD)

heavy focus on getting mental health *RIGHT*.(i'm guessing with a possible specialist for analysis on site if not telling stigmas to just up and eat a fat dick, either way--FUCK TO THE YES!!)

and y'all, so encouraging<3 that means they're trying to *keep* not just the gritty complexities and rawness that made the characters so fun and intricate and *humanly* flawed in the comics, but that they're *not* planning to shit all over mental health like big big chunks of this fandom (and society in general, unfortunately), tend to do.

*AND* they've even already *proven* as much with the way they handled hughie's *mum*. for those that missed it, she was there to help hughie get some closure (along with a final conversation with his dad, that was gut wrenching but so needed for his arc and what i suspect may come...) and she was incredibly well made for depression and *humanizing* that disease.

she voluntarily hospitalized herself instead of sticking around her son while she was going through crisis, after she had attempted *suicide* to spare him from seeing that. and as fucking painful and difficult as that is, she absolutely did the right thing by leaving. as bad as she hurt hughie, imagine if that 6 year old baby boy had walked in on his mother's suicide--she *knew* that was a posibility and it fucking hurts...

i think the saddest part about it is that she did what she needed to, did the right thing, but it was still something that ultimately hurt the people she loved and of course it was going to. she even tried to reach out when she was getting help, but with things like depression, there's always the risk of relapse and just all this bad shit. i was ready to be as pissed as hughie, and the show did such an incredible job of humanizing this woman and making me understand her situation.

y'all, never ever *ever* blame someone for prioritizing their own mental health and *literal* life. that is a *horrifically* toxic, abusive, and ableist as fuck thing to do. mental health is hella important. people ain't just here for our entertainment and you should always take care of yourself and your life first. of course it helps that she may just be the most rational character on this whole damn show and i fucking love it--

'who the fuck are your friends??'

GOOD QUESTION--

'that man is... a piece of shit, dear'

YES~<3<3<3!!

to be honest, i have to say that some responses i've seen about her character are super discouraging and gross me the fuck out because they show on full blast the absolute privilege ignorance and ableism some people have--*and love to fucking FLAUNT*. but then ya gotta keep hopin' just like hughie lol<3

tangent aside, this still ain't a theme that's been explored through a well done or realistic lens that *doesn't* somehow pretend the powers are the source of homelander's problems or flat out assumes he could be happily placated through *involuntary* subjugation and *negated informed consent* (spoiler alert, they ain't and no he could not because that's not how *PEOPLE* work, and also literally just veiled rape kink that people refuse to tag leik--) so yeah, 'disneywashed' basically. but maybe it would be fun to see people forcibly disillusioned about that?

i can't say i'm not *not* looking forward to all the rage quitting that's to come, because it's... just a little bit funny to see the surprised pikachu faces people make LMFAO--!! altho my preferred ending is def gonna be that 'king nothing' approach that same certain sweet bean told me about~<3<3<3

Depowering Homelander is one of the dumbest and most narratively inconsistent pipe dreams in circulation of the fandom. Apart from compound V being so ingrained in Homelander's very DNA that it is literally coded into the swimmers his balls make meaning he would logically just die if he got that much of his literal DNA destroyed, it would solve nothing and teach worse as they've already established a million times over that the issue isn't nature, it's nurture. I don't get how people don't get this. They even used Kimiko as an example to show us that her powers were not the source of her troubles and losing them solved nothing for her.

The Boys also aims on making their writing as realistic as possible with zero chance of Disney delulu lala land nonsense, at least not without complete disillusionment. Which means that the possibility of Homelander being depowered wouldn't result in him becoming less volatile or dangerous, it would realistically make him so much worse. He'd evolve to being like Butcher but worse because of the added element of what he's lost and been turned into. I know this fandom has some major issues with ableism and self consciousness, but the way people just casually drop the idea of backing an already caged and highly aggressive animal into an even smaller corner like that isn't the most cruel and unusual fucked up and terrible thing you could do that is also hellbound for complete and utter apocalyptic failure in a series that would undoubtedly portray it as such so the people advocating for it would hate it anyway?

Hmm.

[hikari-kaitou]

The Great Ace Attorney meta: The deterioration of Van Zieks and Holmes' relationship

I've seen a lot of fans describe the vibe between Van Zieks and Holmes as bitter exes, and honestly I can see where they're coming from; they do kind of have that dynamic. Still, I think what actually happened between them is a bit more nuanced than that, and canon actually offers a fair number of clues to a player who's looking for them. I'd like to offer my theory.

I'm using all the canon material we have available for this analysis, so there will be major spoilers ahead for both games. Seriously, don't read this unless you're completely done with both games. You have been warned.

(Cut for spoilers and length. Holy shit this got so long, I'm so sorry)

Let's start with what I assume was the factor that brought Barok and Holmes together on any sort of personal level: the three Japanese exchange students. Mikotoba tells Ryuunosuke during 2-4 that Genshin and Jigoku were his friends and that he’d known them for many years even before their journey to London. And they weren't just casual friends, they were his close friends, which naturally entails a fair amount of knowledge and understanding of each other, as well as trust. This fact is pivotal not only to the deterioration of Barok's relationship with Holmes, but also his later distrust towards the Japanese people as a whole, rather than just Genshin specifically.

We know that Barok was introduced to the three exchange students when Klint welcomed them to England in his official capacity as Director of Prosecutions. Holmes, of course, met Mikotoba at the hospital where Mikotoba would work and Holmes was conducting his aimless experiments. At this point, Barok and Holmes probably didn't know each other yet, and if they did, they'd probably only had superficial interactions at most. Even assuming that Holmes had already began his detective career at this point, as a private detective, he's unlikely to have had much business at the prosecutor’s office. Then Holmes and Mikotoba became roommates.

DGS 2 tells us that at this point, the exchange students began to form bonds with their London colleagues, and it's unclear how often the exchange students got together with each other after that. Mikotoba and Holmes began solving cases together and possibly making out, Genshin was getting chummy with the Van Zieks boys, and Jigoku was… getting evil, I guess, I don’t know. I didn’t really get the sense that he and Stronghart actually liked each other that much, but that's not important now. Whatever Jigoku was getting up to, he seems to have drifted apart from Mikotoba at least, because he never met Holmes even once in the six years they studied in London. This is made clear by the fact that Holmes asked Mikotoba to introduce them after they apprehended Jigoku on the ship in 2-5.

So what does any of this have to do with Holmes and Barok? After considering the evidence, I think that the two of them had a largely social relationship rather than a professional one. Unfortunately DGS 2 doesn't tell us a lot about what happened between when the exchange students arrived and their final month, but we do know that at the time Genshin was arrested, Mikotoba was still only an assistant coroner and Barok had yet to make his official courtroom debut. Ryuunosuke only heard from Dr. Sithe in 2-3 and had no idea that her daughter and assistant Maria even existed until he actually went to her lab in person. Additionally, Stronghart was completely ignorant of Mikotoba's involvement in Klint’s autopsy (recall that Stronghart was originally the prosecutor on the case and that he did the initial legwork). From these two facts, we can extrapolate that assistant coroners probably aren't typically asked to share their thoughts in the course of the official investigation. In spite of this, Barok told Ryuunosuke and Susato at the end of 2-3 that he "remember[ed Mikotoba] well."

If Barok and Mikotoba's relationship wasn't professional but social, then this creates a plausible social link between Barok and Holmes as well. Considering the closeness between Mikotoba and Genshin, and the fact that Holmes described Genshin as young Barok's closest companion, it doesn't seem unreasonable to assume that the four of them might have spent some of their downtime together on at least a few occasions. So does that mean that Holmes and Barok were friends? Canon doesn't make it clear one way or the other, but my guess is that they were neutral, or even slightly on the negative side of neutral.

Thanks to the insight Albert Harebrane provides in 2-3, we know that young Barok was unassuming and good-natured, but we have to look to the DGS 2 art book for insight into young Holmes's personality. Character designer Nuri's footnotes indicate that Holmes used to be "prickly," and that it took life with Iris to soften him up. Admittedly there is very little evidence to go on here, but given what we know about the contents of Iris’s Holmes stories and the fact that they're based on Mikotoba's firsthand account notes, it may be reasonable to imagine young Holmes's personality to be similar to what's shown in ACD canon: impatient, incredibly confident in his own abilities and unafraid of making it known, often lacking in tact, and eager to disparage anyone who wasn't as quick on the uptake as him.

If this assessment is correct, it's easy to imagine that arrogant, rude Holmes might have frequently trodden on Barok's toes. Perhaps Barok was too polite at the time to argue with Holmes, or perhaps not. Either way, it's hard to imagine that either of them particularly enjoyed or felt the need to seek out each other's company.

Genshin, his and Klint’s closest friend, is a serial killer and he murdered Klint.

Then the proverbial shit hit the fan; Klint decided that he was tired of being nice and that he just wanted to go a little apeshit, Genshin wasn't having any of that but ended up taking the L thanks to his opponent being force-fed the pieces when he wasn't looking, Stronghart saw the newly vacated Chief Justice chair and said "it's free real estate," Mikotoba and Holmes squinted suspiciously at the floating calculus equations only they could see, Jigoku prepared a gift of myrrh(der), and Barok put himself in every slot of the top 10 anime betrayals list. To further break this case down, here's what Barok sees happen:

Scotland Yard failed to identify the Professor before he could make a victim of Klint.

Mikotoba and Jigoku, Genshin's oldest, closest friends, either failed to see Genshin for what he was, or they had known but chose to do nothing. Either way, fuck these guys

Even now that Genshin has been caught and there's incontrovertible proof (as far as Barok is concerned) of his guilt, Mikotoba and Jigoku are trying to get this traitor off the hook. Jigoku testified so vehemently in court about Genshin's innocence that Barok is starting to suspect that this bastard was directly involved somehow. As for Mikotoba, he's not testifying at the trial, but he's obviously still in Genshin's corner. Barok may not have been close with these two exactly, but he'd had a positive impression of them until now, and here they were backing his brother's killer, trying to help him escape judgment. Seriously, fuck these guys

These three were the ones that the Japanese government had chosen as their very first student ambassadors to London. No doubt the government had checked their backgrounds carefully and painstakingly interviewed them to ensure that they found the students who would make the best possible impression. The sort of person who could commit such horrific crimes must have shown some sort of previous signs. At best, the Japanese government is stupid/incompetent for not noticing them. At worst, they sent Genshin intentionally so that he wouldn’t be their problem anymore. Either way, fuck those guys too

Come to think of it, where's Holmes in all of this? He and Mikotoba have gained some notoriety by now as a mystery solving pair, and Holmes was always prattling on about his own brilliance and the police's incompetence. In fact, Barok is pretty sure he saw those two poking around outside Klint’s estate, investigating. If Holmes is investigating, clearly he believes in Genshin's innocence, too. Is Barok in the goddamn circus? Does no one trust solid evidence anymore?? Well the joke is on Holmes, because clearly if he'd found anything to implicate a different killer then he'd be strutting into Barok's office with the evidence and an insufferably smug expression. Great detective, Barok's beautifully toned ass

Thus Holmes and Barok's mostly neutral relationship took a turn for the worse. But it doesn't end there; I'm fairly certain it only continued to deteriorate with time, and not just because Holmes evolved into a gleeful troll and Barok became the Victorian Era version of that Ben Affleck smoking on the balcony meme.

Let's jump ahead to after Iris has begun writing the Sherlock Holmes stories, and they've taken off in popularity. At this point in time, of course, the only person in England who knows about the link between Barok and Iris is Holmes. His lips are sealed on the matter, but I think that a lot of his airheadedness is an act. He knows that Barok is alone and suffering, and he knows that Iris desperately wants to know more about her biological family. Since he can't tell either of them the truth, perhaps he decides to handle the situation by bringing Iris and going to haunt Barok's office under the guise of information collection and just making a general nuisance of himself. 'Say, Reapy, have you met my roommate, Iris? She's a real niece --erm, I mean nice-- little lady! Why don't you two get to know each other?'

But that's only a minor annoyance in the grand scheme of things. If he thought Holmes's reputation had taken off after he and Mikotoba had managed to solve a few cases back in the old days, it was nothing compared to his popularity now. He's in newspapers and serial fiction magazines, he turns up at crime scenes and in Barok's own office, and the public is enamored with him. When Barok has to interview suspects or get reports from police officers, everyone asks him if he's considered that trick that a criminal used in that one Sherlock Holmes story, or maybe they ought to try this sort of test at the crime scene, you know, the one Sherlock Holmes used in last month's issue. Has he hit a wall in his investigation, or found a clue that suggests something seemingly impossible? Sherlock Holmes has a great quote for that exact occasion! And of course the man in question is just lapping up the praise, as if he deserves a single iota of it.

How do these idiots not understand that his reputation is built upon fiction, dumb luck, and stolen credit, Barok must wonder as he barely restrains the urge to Leg these brainless sycophants right into the sun. If Holmes were anywhere near as good a detective as everyone seemed to think he was, then where the hell was Klint? How had those Japanese students fooled him? Obviously they had fooled him, because Holmes had never managed to produce a different culprit. Meanwhile, here was Barok, an innocent in that incident who had ensured that justice was done, all alone in the world, suffering under the weight of an unbearable curse…

And speaking of people who had fooled Holmes and gained fame that they didn't deserve thanks to those accursed stories, let’s talk about Gregson. Thanks to his performance in the Professor case (the one where he, you know, failed to identify the serial killer working right alongside him before Klint became a victim? Good work, Detective, well done), and the half-hearted praise that Holmes gave him in those stories, Gregson got a raise, a huge boost in popularity, and even a fan club. Not to mention that in spite of their bickering, Holmes actually does seem to see something of value in Gregson. Sometimes they even seem like something approached friends.

Barok, meanwhile, knows what Gregson really is: a central figure in the Reaper organization. The Reaper may see themselves as a legitimate branch of law enforcement, but they're murderers, and they're letting Barok take the blame for it. If Holmes spent less time preening for the public and more time actually trying to live up to his fake reputation, maybe he'd realize that he was putting his trust in the wrong person again. Unfortunately, Barok can't bring these two overhyped frauds' public images crashing down without concrete evidence, so until he can find some, he'll just have to settle for being the saltiest bitch at the Old Bailey.

So what are Holmes's feelings on all of this? They’re actually a little more difficult to pin down because I think a lot of the behavior he allows people to see is an act. However, I don’t think he would try to defend himself against any of the reasons Barok dislikes him, nor do I think the main reasons for that dislike would be news to him. In 2-4, just after Gina informs the Baker Street crew of Gregson’s murder, Holmes expresses his despair and frustration that a detective’s job can’t begin until a crime has already been committed, saying that his inability to prevent the crimes in the first place makes him feel powerless.

Clearly this isn’t the first time he’s had this feeling. Holmes’s inability to solve the Professor case before Genshin’s impromptu graveyard execution was likely quite a source of regret for him. Not only had his pride been wounded, but an innocent man had been put to death, Mikotoba, his crime-fighting partner, had lost a good friend, the corruption in London’s legal system had spread like a wildfire, and Barok was trapped in the darkness of his mistrustfulness and the Reaper’s web of lies. It’s unclear how much Holmes blames himself for the lack of resolution of that case or Barok’s situation, but I’d be surprised if he didn’t feel at least a little responsible. Therefore he endures Barok’s bitterness with minimal retaliation (but not zero retaliation; he doesn’t have that much self control), as he continues to gather the information he needs to blow the case wide open. And even though Holmes feels somewhat responsible for Barok’s current plight, he’s still going to gloat like hell when he solves the thing and gets to see the disbelieving and awed look on Barok’s face when he’s forced to acknowledge that Holmes is every bit as great as he always claimed to be.

[nonjuxtaposed]

I played through the fascist sidequest in Disco Elysium because I wanted steam achievements, because I wanted to analyze it, and because no one ever seems to do this quest

Since I played through the moralist quest in disco elysium and actually really enjoyed it, I thought it might also be interesting to play through the other ideological quests i disagree with: fascism and ultraliberalism. Only, I figured since that would get me close enough to completing all the steam achievements, I might as well aim for all of them, so I decided to throw in some more goals for myself to maximize the number of achievements I could cram into one run, especially the ones I was really not thrilled about, and oh shit I accidentally made disco elysium into an extremely difficult game. I also found some very interesting dialogue, and tried to do some amateur media analysis. Putting it behind a readmore because I basically wrote an entire article here.

Problems I Made For Myself:

For one thing, the achievements I picked as goals this playthrough were the worst possible combo I could have picked: Both hardcore achievements, both traditionalist achievements, leopard mindset, what body, baddest of the bad cops, and medal dispenser. Here are the problems with that:

-To make sure I got the fascist sidequest, I internalised the fascist thought. Which means every time I choose a fascist dialogue option I lose morale

-Since I lose morale, I need more healing items, but because I'm in hardcore mode everything is 2x the usual price

-To offset this, I decided to do a combined fascist/ultralib run, so sometimes I could choose ultralib options instead and get money

-Another effect of hardcore mode: all of the checks are harder and more likely to fail, so I need plenty of xp, but since I'm avoiding the cryptozoology sidequest to make sure gary is there and also never interacting with the dead body, xp is more limited. So that was a bad choice

-Since I was going for leopard mindset, I needed sky-high electrochemistry (which made the run extremely entertaining) so I was dumping huge amounts of my xp into that instead of something that would be strategically useful and help me not die all the time.

-And because I'm avoiding certain quests, I also get fewer bonuses on checks, which means they're even harder.

Now, I also wanted to test out how few fascist things you could say and still be labeled a fascist by the game and it's surprisingly few. I came up with a character idea for this version of Harry I could stick to: a middle aged white person who doesn't want to be offensive to anyone to their face, but has shitty thoughts and will say shitty things behind closed doors. Basically this unfortunately describes most of my older family members, so it's an easy archetype to keep an image of in my head as I play. So I would have Harry say sexist things if there were no women around, have whatever bigoted thoughts show up as options as long as they're only in his head, and mostly just stick to the more economic things or the stuff about wanting a king again or that foreign powers interfere too much in Revacholian politics (I do actually agree with that last one tbh, and I would argue it can be anti-colonialist, but the game labels it as traditionalist). Whenever I didn't go with a fascist option I picked an ultralib option. Now, since I was avoiding ever dealing with the body, and could never arrest Klassje, Kim was constantly by Harry's side, so he never ended up saying any racist things out loud - the closest options I picked to that were kind of half-agreeing with Measurehead's weird race analysis. To be honest that was a benefit of this combo of goals, because I think if I made Harry say something racist in front of Kim I'd get so sad I'd quit.

What actually happens in this quest though

I'm not like, the best at analysis, or the best at writing, but I did take notes and lots of screenshots to see if ZA/UM had anything particularly unique to say about fascism. I noticed two patterns:

1. The skills most associated with fascism seem to be Conceptualization, Endurance, and Half Light. Additionally, endurance is often associated with guts in this quest. So basically you have a combination of bad feelings and emotions, gut reactions, and imagination/the way you think about the world.

I also noticed that since traditionalism leads to low morale, you tend to have a debuff to Volition most of the time, unless you're constantly healing. Again, I'm more of an amateur at analyzing media but it seems like the connection between a lack of volition and far-right politics might be meaningful. If anyone has any insights on this please add on.

2. During the quest, Harry becomes obsessed with returning to the past and must speak to the traditionalists in town. A consistent theme is that Harry is asking them how to return to the past, but they all completely deny being obsessed with the past. Rene clearly is obsessed with the past, but he chastises Harry for wanting to go back to a better time. It seems like he's punishing himself for his regrets in some ways - if you have high Pain Threshold, it chimes in with an observation about the nature of his feelings for Gaston, that they're probably not platonic, but that Rene is definitely the one who crushed any chance of that. Throughout this conversation, he actually reminds me of the deserter: bitter, lonely, and unable to move on.

Measurehead is the interesting one, and the best part of this quest. He absolutely looks down on Harry's views, and also denies having any interest in going back to the past. He instead talks about the future. He admires how "Kojko" women (I think that's a slur? and I would love to replace it with a different word but I'm not sure which region it refers to) are down with casual sex and polyamory, which he thinks is incredibly innovative. He also refuses to share his sexual secrets with Harry, but does drop some hints. He belongs to the Semen Retention Society - he doesn't want to accidentally get one of his "babes" pregnant because that would be race-mixing, but he also believes that not ejaculating makes him more powerful. Basically he's into stuff that reminds me of redpill, mgtow, pick up artists, etc. He even namedrops this one specific guy who sounds like probably some kind of PUA teacher hack. It's actually pretty hilarious.

MEASUREHEAD - "The Semen Retention Society. It does not surprise me that you know nothing about it. Masturbators Anonymous is probably an organisation you're more familiar with."

"The S.R.S. is a closed group of strong-willed individuals who have dedicated themselves to building up strategic semen reserves. It takes iron will and razor-sharp focus. Far beyond your spiritual potential."

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - An enormous expenditure of willpower to build up strategic semen reserves? You had me at *willpower*. Let's do it!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] - Life is all about pleasure... why deny it?

YOU - "Hold on, did I get this right -- you never actually climax during sexual intercourse?!"

MEASUREHEAD - "This is an over-simplification. But yes."

What I found really interesting though, was his opinions on reproduction:

MEASUREHEAD - "We are life. Life is sexuality. Sexuality is *in competition* with sexuality - the sexuality of other organisms. The point of any competition is to win.:

YOU - "Win what exactly?"

MEASUREHEAD - "The future." He lets it set in for a while.

"In a biological sense, the man whose essence, whose genetic blueprint, is passed on to the most hosts, down to the most generations, fulfils his biological purpose to the greatest extent. This is the love victory."

YOU - "Wait, what about your Semen Club?"

MEASUREHEAD - "Semen Retention *Society*," he corrects you. "I told you, this is a simplification. Climax is not *required* for victory. In fact it is discouraged. A true man *retains* his essence."

"It is far more masculine to pass on a blueprint of your mind and your spirit than your flesh. Women give birth to flesh and men give birth to spirit. Spirit is immortal."

So, Measurehead believes that ideas are more important than genetics, which is interesting coming from someone who conceives of the world as a struggle between races. But I suppose if he views race as a set of immutable categories, then ideology could be seen as a way to spread beyond it. I think it also aligns with the right's active recruitment strategies - nazis, terfs, etc actively trying to spread their ideas to as many people as possible.

The best part is the advice he gives Harry, which I'll just let speak for itself:

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - But isn't he a traditionalist?! Why does he keep talking about the future...

YOU - "Wait, I thought you were a traditionalist..."

MEASUREHEAD - "I am not a *traditional* traditionalist. Life on this planet does not move backwards. The ivy moves forward, covering the whole door. The flowers grow outward, covering the whole meadow. Nothing grows *against* time and space. Only along its laylines can nature progress."

YOU - "I'm still convinced the babes were more *faithful* in the past. They stuck with their men."

MEASUREHEAD - "It seems to me you are in need of a warning. Here it is: It is absolutely possible to return to the past. You just need to take a ticket to Sereglee Island, the southernmost of the Semenine Archipelago, also known as Ile du Fantôme, and walk into pale."

"Let it dither and rot your mind. Then you can marinate forever in your irreversable defeat. While race enefies laugh at your motionless, gap-mouthed corpse."

YOU - "Why do I have the feeling there's a catch..."

MEASUREHEAD - "There is no catch. You will get what you want. The ghoul is a cruel master, but it is not pale. Pale takes your mind and rejects the flesh. It is capricious and terrifying, like a virgin. You will lose your courage before her face."

"Go have a look," he gestures toward the intersection. "The white-haired protein mass at the intersection. A lorry driver. Impossible to miss her if you're even a half-decent cop."

YOU - "Paledriver? Yes, I've already talked to her."

MEASUREHEAD - "Go talk to her again. Ask her about pale. See what a relentless obsession with the past does to man."

Final Thoughts

So we wind up with less of a hopeful plot than usual, more of a plain cautionary tale about getting attached to the past. I have to wonder if this is intended as a message for players who are genuinely harboring right-wing ideas, because based on the reviews I've read a lot of them seem to really hate this game and would never make it this far. While playing this quest, I thought about whether or not I would recommend it to someone who I'm worried might be going down that path - what kind of experience would they have, would it impact their views? - and I never really came to a good conclusion.

I'm not going to get into the other plot points of this quest, as they're less interesting to me personally and I want to leave some things unspoiled in case people do want to play through it themselves. I'm also not technically done yet, since I finished this particular quest but didn't actually get to the end of the game yet. I'm not anticipating any major changes, but we'll see. Maybe I'll add onto this later.

[rebeccccccaaa]

TEᑎᔕIOᑎ

_____________________________

ᗩGEᗪ ᑌᑭ!ᑭETEᖇ ᑭᗩᖇKEᖇ ᙭ ᖇEᗩᗪEᖇ

ᔕᑌᗰᗰᗩᖇY: You and Peter have always been very flirty and touchy with each other. You chalked it up to just how he is, not that you minded. But what happens when Peter gets hit with Hydra’s infamous sex pollen and all he seems to be doing is moaning your name. 

ᗯᗩᖇᑎIᑎGᔕ: smut of course lol 18+ (virgin kink?, first time!reader, experienced!Peter, etc, unprotected sex cuz i forgot to write that lol be safe though, and a digusting amount of fluff) 

ᗩ/ᑎ: (non/dub con as per usual with sex pollen fics) although i tried to make as consensual as possible 

ᗯOᖇᗪ ᑕOᑌᑎT: 4.0k (i’m so sorry this is so long lmao)

_________________________________________

“We’re back!” Tony shouted, his voice echoing in the building. They had gone on a mission to infiltrate yet another Hydra base.

Peter was currently sitting and watching television and you were watching from the kitchen making two drinks for you and Peter. You both looked to the team walking in before scurrying beside Bruce and Tony who walked straight into the lab. 

“What did you get this time?” you asked excitedly. Sometimes the team brings back really cool things back from missions and in particular the Hydra missions have the coolest things. Unusually, Thor too walked in the lab before you all circled around the table and Tony placed a plant. 

He backs away as did Bruce and Thor so after looking at Peter with wide eyes you both also stepped back. 

“What is it?” Peter whispered.

“A plant,” Thor said.

“Not shit, Goldilocks. What does it do? You told us to take home, now what?” Tony said.

“Well, Man of Iron, it’s a sex pollen plant.”

“A what?” you gasped.

“Most planets use this as a sort of breeding plant; some species don’t really have the… stamina that Midgardians and Asgardians have.”

As Thor explained this, Tony and Bruce huddle away from the plant moving towards the computer to write down notes and data about what Thor was telling them. You followed pursuit also being intrigued by it. 

Unfortunately Peter did not follow and instead moved closer to the plant to take a closer look. The flower was beautiful. The petals were a soft shade of periwinkle and the pollen was yellow almost like gold. The same shade of golden yellow dust swirled around the flower itself. It was hypnotizing. He really wanted to smell it.

Suddenly as Peter got closer just to give it a quick sniff, he could smell an almost overbearing amount of your scent. That delicious scent of vanilla and lavender that you smelled so nicely of. That scent that made Peter want to run his hands through your hair and his nose along your neck. 

“One thing you should never do is inhale its pollen, if one does it could heighten their desires into madness.”

Peter looked up with wide eyes knowing he just did something he probably shouldn't have done. 

“What desires exactly?” Bruce asked.

“Well, sex.”

Peter started coughing.

“Pete are you ok?” you asked walking up to him.

He looked you in your eyes and his own dilated insanely. You backed away slightly concerned for your friend only for him to take a step closer to you. The lab coated with silence analyzing his behavior since it was so unlike him. Tony got up from sitting on a stool and Thor puffed his chest anticipating his next move; he was certain the boy breathed in the plant’s pollen. 

“It smelled just like you,” he whispered close to your face; his hands reaching under your shirt slightly.

The minute he put his hands on you, all three men ran you and Peter. Bruce pulled you behind him while Tony and Thor grabbed Peter dragging him away from you. You felt hot after what Peter had just done; in front of people too. He thrashed in Thor’s and Tony’s grasp, groaning and shouting from them to let him go. 

You felt tears brimming your eyes. You did not like Peter like this. He was crying and begging to be with you, which you’ll admit surprised you. 

“What’s happening to him?” you asked from behind Banner.

“The boy seems to have inhaled the pollen as I said not to do.”

“Yeah I get that! Why is he crying? Is he hurt?” you asked.

“Not exactly, the pollen will affect his mind and simulate pain as if he were to die, but his body will be perfectly fine.”

“What?” you all said at the same time.

“How do we fix it?” Tony asked.

“Y/n, baby. Please,” Peter practically moaned making everyone kind of uncomfortable.

“Well, the only way I’m aware of is, well, sex. And it seems like Peter desires the young lady,” you eyes widened and you shifted under everyone’s stares. 

“No, no way,” Tony said; you were like a daughter to Tony and therefore boys were something he wasn’t too keen on the idea of you having. He still thinks you’re too young even though you’re already a consenting adult. 

“Tony, the boy-”

“No, I’m not letting Y/n do that. We’ll find a different cure. Take him to his room and don’t let him out.”

“Tony, are you sure about this?” Bruce asked Tony.

“Yes I’m sure, Banner. There’s no way in hell I’m putting her in that situation. It’s not fair. Now come on, more time talking, less time finding a cure.”

“Technically there’s already a cure,” Thor muttered. 

“Go!” Tony pushed him out. 

“Is he gonna be ok?” you softly asked, hearing his cries and screams for you as Thor took him to is room.

“He’s gonna be alright, bug,” Tony said, hugging you. 

Steve and Nat both walked in the lab after changing out  of their clothes concerned with all the screaming they had been hearing.

“What happened?” Nat asked.

“Thor had us bring this plant home for analysis and turns out this shit makes anyone who smells the pollen horny as hell.”

“Really? Come on Tony, we heard the kid crying and screaming. What’s really going on?” Steve didn’t believe him at first.

“He wants to… have sex,” Bruce said shyly.

“Wait really?” Nat asked.

“With who?” Steve hesitantly asked curiously.

Tony and Bruce simply look at you, which you curled into yourself feeling embarrassed. 

“Oh no, honey are you ok? Did he do anything?” Nat asked, holding your hand.

“I’m fine, I’m just worried about him.”

“Don’t. We’ll fix this I promise,” Tony said getting to work.

Well now it’s been 8 hours and Peter is still crying and moaning your name. You had been in Nat's room with her, Steve, and Bucky. Sam and Thor had been outside ‘patrolling’ Peter’s room making sure he was as ok as he can be, though it’s been proven that he seems to be in excruciating pain. 

Tony and Bruce had been in the lab the entire day, you’d think they made wonderful progress and found a cure by now but no. All they’ve found was normal samples of Peter’s… everything. He was physically perfectly fine. 

You were very quiet as they played video games and watched movies. You couldn’t help but feel burdened because you knew you could fix all of this. All you needed to do was go to Peter’s room and let him have his way with you. It’s not like you wouldn’t mind. You and Peter have always had this sort of tension and extra friendly behavior between you guys ever since you met. 

To say you hadn’t developed feelings for him would be a huge lie. 

“Are you ok?” Nat asked you.

“No, not really.”

“I know you want to help him but it’s for the better. Let Tony and Bruce find a cure.”

“Actually that won’t be happening anytime soon,” Thor said, walking with Sam. 

“What happened?” Steve asked.

“They haven’t found anything and although Peter will be physically fine, mentally he could be extremely traumatized by the time they find something, if anything. The pollen mimics physical pain until sexual ‘needs’ are fulfilled by the person they desire most,” Thor looked to you at the end. 

“I want to help him,” you said.

“Y/n, that’s not fair to you,” Steve said.

“And it’s not fair to Peter if I don’t help! He didn’t mean to smell the flower. I can't just sit here waiting for nothing to happen when I can go in there and help him!” you argued, “If I don’t, he’ll not only hate you for keeping me away from him but me too for not trying.”

“Don’t be silly, he’d never hate you,” Nat said.

“He will if I’m the reason he’s going to be traumatized for the rest of his life.”

“Come with me,” Nat said, holding your hand.

“Nat,” Steve warned.

“Steve, you and I both know this has to happen. They’re adults,” Nat shot back. 

You followed Nat out of the room. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this? Your first time should be special-”

“First time?” your eyes widen.

“Y/n, I know you're a virgin.”

“I’m not a virgin,” you mumbled.

“Really? When was your first?” she poked.

“It was- was in, it was high school,” you stuttered.

“With who?”

“... Tommy?” you said after a long moment of silence, trying to come up with a name.

“Tommy?” Nat smirked.

“Yeah, he was in my history class,” you lied.

“Ok we’ll work on that,” she said.

“On what?”

“Lying.”

“Hey, virginity is merely a social construct made by men who think their tiny dicks have the ability to change a woman’s life. It’s gonna be like a five second pump; I’ll be in and out,” Nat laughed at that.

“Ok, fine. Follow me.”

You followed her to Peter’s room where his moans and groans got louder with each step you got closer. Truthfully you were a bit nervous about the situation. Sure you did imagine your first to be extra special in a dim lit room with flowers and with someone you love. Well, now it looks like it’s going to be a dark room with your best friend who’s in the room driven by magic sex pollen, but at least you love him. 

You got to the door and Peter instantly knew you were on the other side. His senses overwhelmed him with your scent, your racing heart beat. You exchanged a few words with Nat before she hugged you and left you to go into his room alone. 

You slipped inside and immediately met with Peter crawling on the floor to you in nothing but a pair of boxers; a large prominent tent formed where his dick was. 

“Y/n, you’re here,” he rubbed your legs and kissed your thighs softly still on the floor at your feet. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m here to help you,” you said shakily.

“Oh god, you smell so good,” his hand reached up behind your thighs towards your ass and you panicked. 

“Peter wait,” you pulled his hand away. 

“What, baby? What’s wrong?” he too panicked.

“Nothing, I just… I’m kinda scared.”

“Of what? Of me?” he stood up and backed away from you.

“No! Not of you. I’ve never… done this, you know?”

“Y/n, why are doing this then- ugh!” he groaned, a wave of need and sexual frustration rushed over him making his body cramp. 

“I want to help you,” you grabbed his hand; he pulled his hand back very quickly and retracted his body over to the bed. 

“Peter, please let me help you,” you walked over to him.

“No, Y/n. I can’t do that to you.”

You were getting tired of his arguing. You wanted to do this. You rushed to him and took your shirt off hoping that’ll prove a point or something. 

“Look, look. I want to help you, Pete. Let me do that,” you cupped his face making him look at you. 

His eyes were so dilated nearly black as he looked into your eyes. His hands caressed your bare stomach and lower back making goosebumps rise across your body. He leaned forward running his nose along your neck breathing you in. He used every ounce of control he had in his body to not flip you on the bed rail you into the mattress. He had to be gentle. The idea of you never have been touched shouldn't have turned him on as much as it does. 

Your stomach fluttered and you let out a shaky breath. Arousal pooled in your underwear with each move that Peter made. Your hands rested on his shoulders unsure of what to do but thankfully Peter moved your hands in his hair and you gently ran your fingers through his curly brown locks as he kissed and nibbled at your neck. 

He moved your bra strap down your shoulder tracing his lips along your collarbone to your shoulder.

“I'm so sorry, baby,” he whispered against your skin.

“It’s ok Pete, I want to help you. Teach me. Teach me how to make you feel good.” 

He practically growled picking you up and laying you on his bed. He kissed your stomach and left small bites and purple marks littered across your belly. He looked at you to make sure you were ok before pulling your shorts down your legs and off to the side. He continued to kiss up and down your legs growing harder at the small pants and gasps you made above him. 

“I'm gonna give you a little taste, ok darling?” he whispered against your inner thighs.

You nodded and lifted your hips off the bed for Peter to easily take your underwear off. You grew embarrassed at how wet you were. Peter only chuckled before going in a licking along your entrance. You gasped and clenched your thighs together, only to wrap around Peter’s head pulling him closer to you.

This isn’t Peter’s first time eating a girl out so he was obviously quite skilled in bringing you a lot of pleasure from his tongue alone. Now in his twenties, after high school and after his identity was revealed, Peter somewhat tumbled his way into playboy town just like his mentor. 

Girls left and right shot their chance to spend a night in the spider boy’s bed. But when Peter met you, oh boy, the kid fell in love. You were this innocent little thing that Peter just wanted to hold and take care of all the time. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He stopped seeing other women in hopes that one day you’d be out of your mind enough to give him a shot. 

Now here you were, laying in his bed like an angel, letting him have his way with you because he was shithead and smelled the flower when he wasn’t supposed to. 

Your hips squirmed around, pressure building up in the pit of your stomach. You moaned loudly as you got closer to your oragsm. Your hands went to Peter’s hair making him hum when you tugged on his hair. His vibrations pushed over the edge and you came for the first time that night on Peter’s face.

“God that was hot, baby. Are you ok?” he asked, crawling up your body after discarding his boxers.

“Yeah, that was amazing,” you cupped his face, smiling.

He leaned down and kissed you for the first time ever. His hands roamed your almost naked body except for your bra of which you still had on. Not for long of course. Peter leaned back to sit up pulling you with him so you were now sitting straddling his lap. 

You could feel his dick against you and your body shuddered in arousal. His hands wrapped around you to skillfully remove your bra, the last piece of clothing left on you. When he did so you covered yourself in instinct never having been naked in front of anyone before in your life. 

“Don’t cover up princess. You’re so beautiful. I wanna see you,” he whispered, cupping his hand under your chin so you could look at him.

“Sorry, it’s- It’s a lot,” you whispered back. 

“I know and I’ll try to go slow but if I’m not inside you right now I think I’m gonna pass out,” he moaned. 

You looked down in between your bodies to find Peter’s dick big, swollen, and red. You felt bad because you don’t know if it’ll fit inside you and it looks painful. 

“Please, Yn,” Peter had tears in eyes begging for you to take the pain away.

“Ok, I’m ready.”

Peter grabbed his cock and lined up to your entrance. You got up and slowly sank down feeling him stretching you out. With how aroused and wet you were after Peter’s mouth you were able to slide all the way down without feeling too much pain.

Peter moaned when he bottomed out and grabbed your face you kiss passionately. You moved slowly up and down and soon all the pain you felt subsided into pleasure and you too started moaning above him. 

“You look so fucking good riding me, princess.”

His words made you moan even more embarrassed that everyone can probably hear you and Peter having sex. You bit your lip in hopes to silence the moans as much as possible, but Peter didn’t like that.

“Don’t. I want everyone in this building to know who fucking you this good,” he flipped you over onto you back and started thrusting wildly. 

“Let them know what a good little girl you are for daddy. Let them know who’s name you’re gonna be screaming all night.”

“Peter oh god,” you moaned.

“Huh? You like it when I call you a good girl?”

“Yes!”

“My good girl. My little slut,” Peter groaned in your ear.

You were getting insanely close to your climax and Peter’s words only sped up the approach. 

“Daddy, I think I’m close,” you whispered, pleasure becoming overwhelming.

“Let go baby. Cum all over my cock,” he said.

Your oragsm ripped through you and you practically screamed into his ear. Pleasure came over you in a huge wave. Your eyes screwed shut and your legs wrapped around Peter’s torso pulling him impossibly close. Your body felt limp under Peter’s and when you opened your eyes Peter's face held worrisome and frustration. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“I haven’t came,” his voice trembled.

“It’s ok. We can keep going,” you said tiredly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he buried his face in your neck.

“You won’t hurt me, Peter. I promise.”

He kissed softly before gently flipping you over and thrusted into furiously.

Six hours later Peter finally came after you did so nine times; and that was before you stopped counting. Your body shook and Peter cleaned you up. He had a small fridge where he kept drinks from time to time and grabbed a water bottle for you to drink. 

You breathed heavily after drinking a copious amount of water before laying back down. You turned to check the clock on his bedside and saw that it was around three thirty in the morning. Peter crawled into bed with you, both still naked not caring enough to change. He held you impossibly close, burying his face in your shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” he mumbled in your skin. 

“I mean it was a lot,” you chuckled.

“I swear if it weren’t for that stupid fucking pollen our first time would have been softer and special,” he said, making you look at him with surprise. 

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, well, look. Y/n, I really like you and I know that timing is horrible but it’s true. I promise.”

“Well, I like you too,” you smiled at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Wow. God, you’re amazing. Thank you for today,” he whispered, cuddling you close.

“Of course. I’d do anything for you.” 

You both fell  asleep soundly in each other's arms until you both woke up the next day from loud yet muffled voices downstairs. The sun was shining very bright, lighting the whole room up brightly. You stirred around and peeked over Peter’s sleeping body to find that it was around noon already and you two were still in bed. 

Peter moved a bit slowly waking up. You turned around to face and watched his beautiful face slowly come to life. His eyes met your eyes and you both smiled before bursting into giggles; hiding your face in his chest. 

“We’ll have to get up soon, you know,” he said, making you sigh dramatically.

“Let’s run away, before they make fun of us. They had to have heard, right?” you said, slightly panicked.

Peter just laughed and shook his head. He reached to kiss you, moving your hair off your neck eyes widening. 

“Oh man,” he said, thumb rubbing the dark spots he left on you.

“What?” You pushed the sheets off your body feeling intensely sore. You heard Peter gasped as you trotted to a mirror.

Your body was covered in bruises and hickeys that Peter left for literally everyone to see. When you looked in the mirror you yelled Peter’s name completely shocked at the state of your body. 

“I can’t believe you!”

“Well, in my opinion I think you looking fucking sexy,” he said coming up behind you.

“I like them,” you said shyly, “But everyone’s gonna see them, no?”

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen next time.”

“Next time?”

“Hell yeah. Only if you want of course,” he chuckled, “Let’s take a shower before we grab some food.”

That was filled with giggles and little touches. Kisses were exchanged practically every minute. You both came out of the shower and Peter so generously lent you a pair of clean boxers and one of his shirts fitting way too big on you. He wore these delicious looking grey sweatpants and a tight fitted black shirt. You practically drooled over him.

“No, later,” he winked.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers before heading down stairs preparing for what could be an upcoming disaster. You came down stairs meeting everyone appearing to be arguing probably over what you did. Everyone noticed you two and immediately stopped conversing. 

Tony sat on a stool, arms crossed and an unamused look staring at you both while everyone else looked down or at each other, anywhere at but you guys.

“Before you say anything, everything that happened is my fault,” Peter pulled you behind him. 

Tony simply looked at you and made you feel shy and ashamed somewhat under his gaze. He told you to stay away and you didn’t listen.

“Don’t even look at her. She has nothing to do with this,” he said when Tony shifted his gaze.

“Relax, kid. Look we all talked. Thor told me about the effects the pollen can have mentally and the trauma it can impact when ‘untreated’ for too long. We weren’t going to find a cure anytime soon and I don’t even want to think about the consequences you’d have to pay because I'm a stubborn old man who didn’t like seeing the kids not be kids anymore. You both are adults and I had no right to interfere with that. Besides everyone knows you two are in love.”

“We’re not in love,” Peter mumbled.

“Love is such a strong word,” you mumbled simultaneously. 

“Don’t argue with me,” Tony said. 

“Sorry,” you both whispered.

“I’m sorry,” he admitted.

“We also agreed that starting today we will be installing soundproofing in both of your rooms and Y/n, maybe put some ice on…” he pointed to your neck but then waved around your whole body because you were pretty beaten up. 

“Thanks, guys,” Peter said holding your hand again.

“Congrats on getting the girl finally,” Steve said.

Before you two left you saw Nat wink at you and you smiled running away with Peter most likely to go cuddle and maybe fuck another round if your body feels better. As much as you hate to admit, thank god Peter smelled that fucking plant. 

[rubberduckyrye]

I’m reblogging this with Jacks’ permission and screenshotting the tags because as a fellow literary analyst, the shit Jacks went through drives me up a damn fucking wall.

No one deserves harassment, especially not over theories and headcanons you don’t agree with. No one deserves to have to deal with people being fucking ableist just because they have a different interpretation. No one deserves to be told they’re crazy and delusional over theorizing over a work of fiction! No one deserves any of this!

Me and Jacks are both analysts, but we use different literary criticism methods and have our own personal biases about canon. But Jacks puts so much effort and time into her theories, and they’re crafted with about as much care and effort as a human can possibly fit into a series of words. We come to different conclusions about canon, but I give Jacks insane amounts of respect for the time and effort she goes through to research and explain her interpretation of canon. That is how it should be—that we respect each other about our interpretations and not be jackasses who think your interpretation is the end all be all of a text.

I’ve also been bothered by people about my theories—the Mercy Kill Theory for Kokichi being the main culprit for hateful anons and people trying to trap me into admitting there are “plot holes” in the theory to prove me wrong. Because they figured if they could trap me and get me to admit to a small plot hole, that to them, my entire Mercy Kill theory is invalid. Ofc I always found a way to not get trapped, but that is beside the fucking point. I shouldn’t have to defend my headcanons and theories so viciously from an onslaught of anons who want nothing more than to prove me wrong.

Hell, remember the “Kokichi can’t taste food” theory I made? A certain someone RBed it just to dismiss it as not canon, and their friend RBed it to call me insane. I’ve had people say that analysis was extremely random and strange. Why? Who knows why. But after those people reblogged that post with those sentiments, I started writing disclaimers on my theory posts about how they’re not canon in a way to divert people like that from making stupid comments like that again. Yet that didn’t stop them from mocking me behind the scenes, mocking me for Twins AU just because it features an older twin brother of Kokichi and for Kurochi’s name being (intentionally!!) strange. They mocked me for a fucking AU fanfic, for crying out loud!

The worst part?

Me and Jacks aren’t even talking about the same people.

This is a common problem with analysts in general, but it goes without saying that harassing people for having different HCs and theories should not be the fucking norm.

No one deserves to be harassed. No one.

Jacks, I’ll say it again—I hope that you get the closure you deserve, the apologies you deserve, and the confidence in your work that you deserve. You’re a wonderful theorist, you inspire me, and I hope one day you can recover from what you’ve been through.

And I hope that fandom in general can get a grip and learn to accept differing interpretations of the text/of canon instead of feeling the need to harass people over it.

I know I've twisted myself into a goddamn pretzel the past five or so years trying not to be 'too much' and backing off when I am

but

A good deal of why I started the #dr literacy tag is precisely because of this- I am beyond tired and fed up, with the kinds of things that people have ignored and left on my back- whether it's to do with Kokichi, or V3 overall. It's easy to deflect and call me 'delusional', and five years later never even consider the implications of having called me that over what I've been trying to grapple with, much less apologise to me sincerely and genuinely try to understand where I'm coming from and why it's so hard to discuss in the first place- not to mention why it's so easy to make mistakes not least because the way Kodaka plays with themes can be decidedly insensitive (and I was clearly out of my depth with that when I started this blog)

This isn't about all of you. A good number of people here have been wonderful about this, even if they don't understand all too well. But frankly such people are the exception rather than the rule, and the rule is that people don't bother to interrogate their own biases about Kokichi, or really grapple with the way him and V3's narrative might be constructed with bias. And this unwillingness to accept ambiguity and nuance results in some genuinely hurtful behaviour towards people who try to point out that, maybe, not everything was even his fault, or that his character and situation is far more layered than it appears on a first run of the game. Or even a second, or third.

So I'm gonna need people in that camp to swear that you'll do better about this going forward. No really. This situation I've been in didn't come out of nowhere, and while I've beaten the proverbial horse to death that I haven't always been fair or reasonable either, that does not mean I should just back myself into a wall and take the status quo that is 'Tsumugi is telling the truth and Kokichi is just a clown' as a 'fact of canon'. Because there's a very good chance that that might not even be true, and that there's even more tangled messes Kodaka left in the text to unpack that you never even thought of, and that really NEED extra care and nuance to fully understand.

I know you're probably sick of hearing this from me by now. But this is an issue that can never be helped until it's faced head on, and the effect of basically being pathologised over it (due to *checks notes* autism), is seriously damaging- the inability of people to address things as serious issues and themes rather than 'just the pet theory that came out of my nutty head', is something I cannot, on principle, force myself to accept. So please just think about the way you're approaching issues in the future. I will try to do the same.