#the ONE TIME he somehow inexplicably manages to have some game

[that-really-dungeons-my-dragons]

Who needs a bard in the party when you have Chip right there, ready to Disguise Self and give himself some birthing hips to seduce a creature with?

[sunderwight]

PIDW but it's a game.

You play as Luo Binghe, the lowliest disciple of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect's Qing Jing Peak. The first part of the game proceeds more or less like a semi-normal fantasy dating sim -- Luo Binghe is bullied and downtrodden, but can seek help and opportunities to build relationships with various female characters, like Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan. The game's interface implies a truly staggering number of potential romance candidates to unlock, however, so it makes sense that the first part in your disciple years doesn't get you very far in any of the routes.

But then for the second part, things start to shift. You get an option that seems to amount to asking whether you want to make things better for Luo Binghe or not. When you click the obvious choice, that you do, your previously cold and ruthless shizun seems to go through an inexplicable change of heart. You get a weird kind of fanservice-y scene featuring him during the Skinner Demon Mission. Then he features extremely heavily in the Demon Invasion Mission, only to turn up as your companion in the Dream Demon Mission.

After that, it seems like you've gotten onto his route, somehow? Why does the scummy male teacher even have a route in a game like this, though? You try to check for player guides but you can't seem to find any. You try reloading older saves and making other selections, but no matter what you choose, you end up finishing the Dream Demon Mission by moving into Shen Qingqiu's house, and the routes for Liu Mingyan and Ning Yingying and the briefly-encountered Sha Hualing are all greyed out.

But maybe that just means they're inaccessible for advancement for now, or something. And a lot of games have plot points that are on rails, and you can see where Luo Binghe actually getting a place to live would be one of those things. The format of the game changes as well, going from a relatively loose sequence of scenes and interactions to a daily management style, where you have tasks to complete (make shizun breakfast, go to morning lessons, cultivate, do chores, etc) and only a set number of hours in which to complete them. You have affection points, but any time you try to spend them on anyone other than Shen Qingqiu you get an error message. There are dialogue options for flirting with other characters, but they're always greyed out and impossible to select.

Still, you can unlock scenes. A lot of them are just long slow shots of Shen Qingqiu doing things, like reading, or lecturing, or eating. You get missions, and sometimes you meet female characters who seem to unlock new possible romance paths, even though they're still constantly greyed out. Maybe this part of the game's just especially on rails? Waiting for the actual harem-building segment? You kind of like a lot of aspects of it anyway, though. Luo Binghe is an especially compelling character, not at all like the usual sort of non-entity placeholder main guys in games like this. He definitely has personality.

But then you get to the third part. The Abyss. Shen Qingqiu pushes Luo Binghe in, and suddenly you're wondering if you've somehow reached a bad end. You were saving up some of those affection points for later, maybe you should have spent them all on him? Was there something you did wrong to make this happen? You're not even sure why he's thrown poor Binghe away, he was cold and cryptic about it, and now you're wondering if all the time you spent distracted by other things was time you should have spent farming a better relationship with him. You can't help but wonder where you went astray, because Luo Binghe will not stop wondering about it, and wondering about it in ways that make you feel oddly like he is accusing you, the player, of making the wrong choices... but in a way that could still plausibly be aimed at himself, as a character. You feel bad. You kind of want to restart, but you also can't bring yourself to abandon Luo Binghe. You have to see this through, to help him make it to the other side.

Regardless, the Endless Abyss seems like it must be an inevitable plot development. A lot of the game shifts to account for it. There's even an option to essentially select this "thought" from Luo Binghe's internal diatribe, that this is inevitable, and it seems to turn off the litany of recriminations for a while, although sometimes it also results in Luo Binghe... glaring at the screen?

At you?

Anyway the daily management system goes out of the window, and instead there's an energy bar now. Encounters with monsters or the occasional demon woman will lower the energy bar, how much depends on what you choose and how the encounters proceed. Sometimes there are romantic/sexy responses for interacting with the demon women you meet, and they aren't greyed out, but if you try and select them the cursor will jump to another option. You think there might be something wrong with your mouse? Sometimes you get Luo Binghe glaring at the screen scenes afterwards. When Binghe's energy bar hits zero, you're offered two choices -- "sleep" or "think of shizun". Sometimes even if you pick "sleep" the cursor will still jump to "think of shizun", and you'll be treated to another one of those slow lingering scenes of Shen Qingqiu. Except they are becoming increasingly strange, obviously warped by the exhaustion and trauma of the situation, so that aspects are eerie or even disturbing. For example, sometimes Shen Qingqiu seems to be missing limbs, or eyes. Sometimes there's blood on his hands. Sometimes the food he's eating is rotted, or the bamboo house background looks like the Qing Jing Peak wood shed. That kind of thing. You don't mind the idea of harm coming to the man. He deserves it, really, for pushing Luo Binghe into the Abyss. But the few times you try and select options along those lines, the UI glitches again.

Also the "think of shizun" option only restores a quarter of the energy bar, whereas resting restores all of it. But if you try to go for too long without doing it, it will lock you into choosing it successively for a long time.

In addition to the energy bar, there's a calendar. It's not all that sophisticated or even consistent, and it's clearly meant to reflect the fact that Luo Binghe has troubles accurately judging the passage of time in the Abyss. However, the longer you spend in the Abyss, the more violent and unhinged things start to become, and the more the UI starts glitching to reveal disturbing messages, and the more often Luo Binghe "glaring" scenes happen. So you decide to do your best to get Binghe out of here as quickly as possible. This part of the game must be broken, but hopefully if you can make to the next segment, it will work properly again.

Eventually you get to the Xin Mo Mission, which is the last part of the Abyss section, and Luo Binghe escapes.

But the weirdness continues. Worsens, even. You still get missions to like, take over the demon realms and infiltrate Huan Hua Palace, all cool stuff, and you still meet girls who seem to unlock possibly romance paths. But most of the time everything is greyed out. There will be 5 dialogue options but maybe only 1 or 2 of them will be selectable. Parts of the menu are inaccessible. You don't have an energy bar anymore, you have a Xin Mo corruption bar, and it just keeps steadily rising. Sometimes you're presented the option of propositioning a character to "mitigate corruption", but if you try and click it the game glitches or the cursor freaks out and it fails. Sometimes the game crashes outright, and when you reload your last save, it starts with Luo Binghe glaring at you through the screen. You still get the "rest" and "think of shizun" options at times, but neither one helps the corruption bar.

Then. Jinlan City. You reunite with Shen Qingqiu. There seem to be a lot of options for acting vengefully towards him, but they're all greyed out, except for a few which let you chase him down or manhandle him a bit. The whole segment is frustrating, full of weird fanservice-y moments but also mired in how little Shen Qingqiu will say, how often he insists on evading or running away, and how Luo Binghe doesn't seem to have the right prompts to actually get him to explain himself. At times it seems like the "think of shizun" mechanic is bleeding over into the real interactions with the character, so that you can't tell what's really going on vs what are the manifestation of Luo Binghe's trauma or even hallucinations. The Xin Mo bar has maxed out. You have to catch Shen Qinqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu--

Then suddenly the bar is at 0, and you're watching Shen Qingqiu's lifeless body fall towards the ground, his energy expended in the effort to push back the corruption. Like, all of his energy.

You catch Shen Qingqiu. Or at least, you stop his corpse from hitting the dirt.

Now the game art is crisp and clean again. All the weird UI artifacts and blocked-off menus are either gone altogether or else working properly. The sound, which had been very gradually deteriorating with low-pitched ringing and muffled portions, is normal. You can hear characters gasping and distantly shouting, and birds chirping somewhere, the ragged cadence of Luo Binghe's breaths, while the camera focuses on Shen Qingqiu's body.

Huh, you think. That's a sort of dramatic resolution to that plot arc, and it raised more questions about Shen Qingqiu than it answered, really. But at least it's over with now? Does this mean Luo Binghe can finally start to recover, or advance other plots?

Then everything blacks out. You get booted to the main menu, or something that looks like it, except the only option you can select now is the New Game+ one.

When you click it, it seems like you've started the whole game over again. Except that there is a Xin Mo corruption bar, greyed out, already waiting for in a corner of the screen. And instead of starting out with a view of Qing Jing Peak, you start out with the young Luo Binghe looking directly towards you. Like he's staring through the screen. It's the basic starting point character, except he already has his demon mark on his forehead, and his expression is way more cold and calculating than anything the junior protagonist would have worn.

"Don't get in my way," he warns.

Then the game proceeds like a visual novel with extremely limited choices. The old selections and the menu for various romance routes don't even appear, the menus have all changed again, this time oriented entirely around hiding Luo Binghe's demonic cultivation (while building it) and managing daily choices and Shen Qingqiu's relationship status. A romance game with only one romance route, and it's the treacherous crusty old teacher? Wtf? But otherwise it seems almost normal, except for the special faint-lettered red options that sometimes appear in weird places on the screen, suggesting things like preventing the Skinner demon from catching you unawares, or saving Shen Qingqiu from Without a Cure poisoning, or keeping out of the Endless Abyss.

Those options seem like they should create different outcomes, and you click them whenever they show up, but they consistently fail. As if there's some other force in the game pushing things back onto the rails no matter what you do...

Anyway, eventually you get through the main plot again, and Shen Qingqiu dies once more. This time the game keeps going from that point, however, with quests to try and find ways to resurrect him. You're starting to wonder why you're still playing -- after all, you signed up for a harem game, not this tragic gay love story? You're not even gay! It's just that Luo Binghe is such a compelling character. You decide it's time to take a break, though, so you get up, do some stretches, go to the bathroom, etc.

It feels like someone's watching you.

You've definitely been playing that game for too long. Sometimes you think you catch sight of Luo Binghe's face out of the corner of your eye, in the bathroom mirror or on the black surface of your phone's screen, just before you turn it on. But when you look twice or turn your phone off again, nothing's there. You call your little sister, to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for a bit, and you joke about getting too invested in this weird game that might be broken? She hasn't heard of it, but she sounds a little worried as she suggests maybe coming over and taking you out to lunch, or something.

You decline -- she's got a lot on her plate, and she mentioned already having plans earlier -- but then you promise to get some fresh air anyway. But when you go to head out, somehow you find yourself turning away at the last minute. You try again, and yet it's like you just keep getting distracted before you can open the door. After a few tries you give up, swallowing down your growing unease. You take off your shoes and coat. When it comes to it, you really do want to find out what happens to Luo Binghe next.

The game is running.

You don't remember turning it back on...?

The screen is focused on the familiar image of Shen Qingqiu's preserved corpse. You can see Luo Binghe's hand in the frame as well, transferring qi in yet another familiar sequence, the one that seems to run at the end of every in-game day. There's some text.

Is it you? the red letters ask, scrawling and flickering, as if someone is attempting to write directly onto the screen. Are you the one behind all this? Thwarting me at every turn?

Yes/No options appear in the game's usual font and position. You try to click "no", even though you're unsure and feel like you must have missed a scene somehow. But the interface warps and when you hit "no" it changes to Stay Silent.

I can't figure out. Are you here to help me, or get in my way?

Help/Harm. You click "help" but again it changes to "stay silent" afterwards.

What do you want from me?

This time there's no option to select at first. Then, as if being shoved onto the screen by some alternative function, a text box opens up. Like the kind that some games have for implementing cheats or selecting character names. This particular game has never shown such a function before, Luo Binghe's name was locked in and you don't even know if it has cheats. The cursor blinks, and somehow it feels as if you have only one chance, and if you don't take it now, it will be gone forever.

You type in "help" and barely manage to hit enter before the interface blinks out. No list of prompts or possible options appear.

Shizun? the red text scrawls, shakily.

Then the whole game crashes.

You wait, but it doesn't start up again. You try to run it again, but you can't find it on your system, somehow. Really weird. Even if it had crashed, it shouldn't have gotten deleted? But you still can't find it. You start to feel genuinely alarmed. Not only can you not find the game on your system, but when you try and search for it absolutely nothing comes up. You try and go to the online shop page for it, but you can't remember where you actually got it from in the first place, now that you're thinking about it.

What bullshit is this?

What, was the game actually some kind of virus? It couldn't have been. Also who would make a virus like that? You get up and pace, trying to make sense of it.

It's gotta be some kind of mistake. Maybe you've just missed too much sleep, you're not thinking right. You'll take a break and when you come back you'll realize that you were just looking in all the wrong places, somehow.

You head over to the fridge to grab something to eat.

You can't remember the last time you went shopping, but the food in there is probably still fine. Right?

[vigilskeep]

do you have any opinions/speculations about the potential for a succession crisis in ferelden? ik depending on worldstate there may have already been a mac tir and/or cousland holding the throne without incident for the past 10+ years w the last living theirin dead/frolicking through a field of flowers, but breaking hundreds of years of precedent like that does seem like it could kick up some instability, even if it was offscreen? and obviously even if alistair is king his womb is barren, so like, what gives.

oh i mean we’re definitely extremely fucked and there are no good options!

the theirin line is done for, for a start. even if the sole remaining one does become king, he’s a bastard with bad chances of having a child at all. his two known possible queens are a fellow warden—making the chances of conceiving even worse! near impossible, in his own words—and anora mac tir, who never managed it with her non-warden husband, and regardless of whether or not she is actually infertile as is rumoured, seems to be actively avoiding even trying, based on loghain dialogue if she marries cousland and her unwillingness to marry at all if she becomes sole queen

since anora and alistair are both unlikely to have children either alone or together, and a cousland spouse only lessens the chances for both of them, and those are... all our options... yes we will see a succession crisis in ferelden. it’s not a maybe. if anora and/or alistair clearly declare a chosen heir before their deaths we might be able to avoid it being an open conflict but whoever they choose will definitely suffer for lack of legitimacy

assuming no royal children, the only obvious contenders for the throne are teagan guerrin and fergus cousland, and any heirs thereof. both are alive in any worldstate

the guerrins are closely related to the royal family—cailan’s mother was the elder sister of eamon and teagan—and widely respected. alistair actually suggests passing the throne to eamon in dao, and he usually has a pretty good read for what’s reasonable. i don’t think this is a bad idea. on the other hand, teagan spent his youth in the free marches, and is headstrong and not particularly politically gifted. there’s also the question of his own marriage and heirs; since the epilogue slides aren’t canon, there’s no need to accept the one where he inexplicably marries what very much seemed in game to be an underage girl, but he definitely can lose his heart to a warden of any origin in like two conversations, and all in all you’d want him settled with an acceptable queen before we could take this seriously. otherwise we’ll just have another crisis about that. i mean, one hopes he’s married and a father already by dai for this to be anything. his free marcher connections might be a boon here bc i’d like ferelden to marry into them more

the couslands are second only to the royal family, and it was suggested by some even back during ferelden’s rebellion against orlais that bryce cousland should take the throne instead of the theirins. his son would certainly be an acceptable contender. fergus may not have any living children, but he has at least proved he’s capable of having children, which is somehow as good as it gets around here. he is trained as a capable leader and ruler, is very fereldan, and maintains good diplomatic relations with factions like the inquisition. the downside to this is that it alters the political makeup of ferelden quite a bit, in that the couslands have kind of survived as the only remaining family of such power by not trying for the throne. their rule would be even more absolute than the theirins because there would be no teyrns left at all to contend with it. someone like anora in particular would be very aware of this and also simply of how dangerous it is to promise ferelden’s future to him before her death. suddenly everyone would look to the couslands as the future and not to her

there aren’t many other options that we know of at this time. there’s alistair’s kieran, but i don’t take that seriously, morrigan would never allow it and a bastard’s apostate bastard raised half in the orlesian royal court is several steps too far. if connor guerrin lives and leliana is divine, assuming the ending of the circle of magi means that mages can hold titles now, he could be a possibility

it isn’t completely impossible for anora or alistair to have children, of course. if sole king alistair actually got around to marrying at some point, that’s probably the best chance for it out of the landsmeet options?

[rendy-a]

I live for your "self aware au" Sebek, he so goofy and murder

Can we have some more of him in the said au? Just anything you feel like

Thanks ahead!

~~~🌟🎃

Sebek is such an interesting character to write.  He is both as serious and chivalrous as a knight of yore while at the same time being absolutely ridiculous.  It gives him just an incredible range.  Plus, somehow, everything he does turns out humorous.  Its just a fun thing to write!

If this were a normal school, you feel like each student would fade into the background.  A crowd of students would be like a school of fish; you see each one and yet none catches the eye.  This wasn’t a normal school though and you weren’t a normal student.  In the world of TWST, no one catches your eye like a member of the main cast.  In a class, the hallway or lunchroom; if a student from the game passes by, you just can’t help but notice. 

That is likely why you’d so easily picked up on your new…companion.  Sebek was following you again.  He tries to be inconspicuous, but he is tall enough to loom over most of the students.  Plus, he is in no way quiet.  “HUMAN!  MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!  I HAVE PLACES TO BE!”  You hear him from down the hall long before you catch sight of him.  You figure that, if he is going to follow you anyway, you might as well walk with him.  However, when you turn to wait for him, he quickly ducks behind a pillar.  You meet the eye of Scarabia C and nod your head toward the pillar as if to ask, ‘you seeing this too?’  Scarabia C only shakes his head.  You shrug and walk to class with Scarabia C instead. 

You’ve developed an interest in seeing how far Sebek would go to follow you while still pretending not to.  You purposely drop things while he trails behind you to see if he returns them.  He does return each item, but not in person.  You see him gasp in surprise and rush to collect whatever random junk you’ve left behind and clutch it to his chest like a treasure.  Then he hurriedly rushes from your view.  It’s never long before your ‘lost item’ finds its way to your school desk or a table in the library you like to use to study; just somewhere he knows you’ll be.  Sometimes, you wish he wouldn’t return the items.  There have been a few occasions where you forget to toss an empty bottle or note in the trash and find it carefully preserved and returned to you later.  Sebek appears to view anything you’ve touched as equal in value from textbooks to gum wrappers. 

You aren’t proud of it, but you’ve also sort of been using Sebek as your henchman.  It’s hard to be so inexplicably famous but also magicless in a place like NRC.  Sometimes, the random NPC students get pushy about spending time with you or invading your personal space.  Once, you tugged your hand from a student’s grasp and loudly declared, “Someone needs to teach you some manners!”  The next day, you’d gotten a written apology from the student in question.  He nervously glanced over his shoulder with a blackened eye while handing you the letter.  You follow his gaze and see a hint of lime green hair peeking out from around the corner.  You take the letter and smile to yourself. “I graciously accept your apology.  I’m glad SOMEONE has done a fine job of reminding you how to treat your fellow students,” you say in a much louder than necessary voice.  You are rewarded with a pleased gasp from around the corner.

You sometimes struggle over how to feel about the constant surveillance.  On one hand, it was somewhat creepy having someone you barely knew monitor your every move like that.  You also had no privacy with Sebek chasing away people he deemed unworthy to speak with you (which was everyone).  Even conversations you did manage to have outside of class were with Sebek looming behind your friends and giving them a fierce glare.  Yet, there were times when his presence was far more comforting than anything else.  After all, it’s a long walk back to Ramshackle.

Halloween was a time when the gates of NRC didn’t close until late in the evening.  Until then, students were about campus greeting visitors and running booths; it all lead to a cacophony of joyful noise.  After close, the wind that howled softly past your ears was the only sound you heard in the dark night.  You quickly snuff a candle in the jack-o-lantern at your feet before moving on to the next.  This was the job Crowley had assigned to you; to put out all the jack-o-lanterns from the gate to Ramshackle dorm after close.  Honestly, it was a very (dare you say it) kind thing of him to do.  It lets you do your part in the festivities while also being extremely convenient for you.  When your walk was done, you were right at home.

Only, as you went along the path putting out the lights, the darkness of the night grew ever closer to you.  Soon, it wasn’t just the wind you noticed but the common sounds of the night that gave you pause.  It was the rustling of leaves that made you wonder what was moving in the forest and the clicking of heels that made you crane your head to locate the student walking nearby.  The worst was when you swore you heard one of these noises but pausing to search for a source garnered no results.  After staring for a time into the empty night, you’d shudder a bit and force yourself to move on.

You reach the next jack-o-lantern and snuff the light when you hear a branch brake in the woods.  This time, it isn’t a small sound but something much larger.  Your eyes go round, and you think you shiver a bit as you look into the darkness.  That is when you hear the clicking on the sidewalk begin.  You turn in fear to peer behind, but it is only Sebek, approaching with deliberateness.  He gets a few feet from you and then stops and peers into the woods, “SIVLER?  IS THAT YOU?  WHEN I FIND WHERE YOU’VE BEEN SLACKING OFF…  I…I am going to CHECK THIS WHOLE AREA FOR YOU!”  Then he looks over at you before quickly jerking his gaze away. 

Having the stalwart knight at your side helps you calm down.  Sebek can be strange, but you wholeheartedly believe in his skills as a guard.  You look one last time at the blushing first year before you turn and walk away.  He matches your stride, going faster when you do, stopping when you stop; he makes sure he never approaches you too close, but you always feel him there nearby.  You think to yourself, ‘What could be better than a night fae to guard you from the imagined dangers of the dark?’  It brings a small smile to your lips.

Finally, you reach the final jack-o-lantern at the gate of Ramshackle.  You snuff the light with a relieved sigh, knowing your duty was complete and home was in sight.  Grim must have beaten you back because the lights were on, warm and inviting, just up the stairs.  Or maybe the ghosts took pity on you and turned them on.  Either way, darkness never feels as frightening when you come again to the light.  You brush a hand through your hair and pull out a wayward leaf, setting it down on the pillar near the last jack-o-lantern.  Then you turn your head to meet a startled Sebek’s eyes.  You exchange no word, only giving him a grateful nod, before you head indoors. 

Sebek watches you go as his heart beats a rapid rhythm.  He’d taken a walk with the Player tonight.  In the moonlight, alone.  It was practically a date!  He places a hand to his face to cool down his heated cheeks.  And they left something near the jack-o-lantern before signaling him; was it another gift?  Sebek heads over and examines the leaf.  He carefully clasps it as tears fill his eyes, ‘This leaf touched the Player themselves!  And they gave it to me!’  He looks carefully around and finds a similar leaf to swap out with the one he takes.

That night, Sebek pulls out his box of treasures.  He opens it with reverence, adding the leaf to his collection.   A book, an empty bottle, a scribbled note, a gum wrapper and now a leaf.  All the items quite common seeming but each one had once belonged to the Great Player.  Sebek felt a bit bad for swapping out the items and returning you imitations, but you never seemed to notice.  ‘No,’ Sebek scolds himself, ‘it’s the Great Player, of course they noticed!’  He smiles with great delight.  The Player meant for him to have these things, why else would they look at him each time before leaving them behind for him?  Yes, he’d keep swapping out the items to throw off the jealousy of those other unworthy fools who flocked around you and wait.  Wait until the day he could emerge from the shadows and stand proudly at your side.  Just as the Player intends.

[defectivevillain]

come rest your bones next to me

pairing: leviathan x reader (can be platonic or romantic)

reader’s pronouns: unspecified but masc-intended

“Can you check on Leviathan?” Lucifer asks you, after pulling you aside during breakfast. The Avatar of Pride’s eyes flit about the space behind you, evidently watching his brothers to make sure they don’t do anything mischievous in his absence. “He hasn’t been out of his room in a while and he won’t answer any of our messages.”

“Yeah, sure,” you agree, feeling a bit curious yourself. Levi isn’t one to leave his room unless he really desires to. You’re wondering why Lucifer seems so concerned about it. From what you know, social withdrawal is normal for Levi. You think about Lucifer’s request as you return to the table and finish your breakfast. Once you’re finished, you break away from the group and announce that you’ll return to your room. Somehow, you manage to catch Lucifer’s eye and he nods reassuringly. 

You finally make it to Levi’s bedroom, after minutes of doubt and hesitation forcing you past his door. The door is closed, unsurprisingly. You knock a few times, but no one answers. Grimacing, you decide to open the door slowly. Thankfully, you don’t get smited on sight. It takes you a moment to find the Avatar of Envy, since his room can be rather distracting. Eventually, you find him reclined on the sofa, playing some sort of game. 

“Hey, Levi,” you say, knowing he’s not quite paying attention to you. You linger in the doorway, biting your lip. Leviathan doesn’t really like having people in his room unless he invites them. Knowing this, you stay in the doorway. “Just wanted to check in on you. Have you, um, left your room recently?”

“No,” Levi growls, his gaze caught on his game. You frown and try to think of a way to get his attention. You could take the controller, of course, but you don’t want to die. Another idea crosses your mind. It’s stupid and embarrassing, but it might work. 

“That’s a kinnie moment,” you nod sagely. It takes nearly all of your willpower not to burst out laughing at the cringey nature of the statement. Your effort is worth it, however, because Leviathan’s face twists and he tears his eyes away from the game to look at you. 

“Shut up,” Leviathan scoffs, although he chokes out a laugh for a brief second. You grin victoriously and he rolls his eyes. His attention falls back to his game again. You hover in the doorway awkwardly, watching as he quietly continues to play. 

“Mind if I watch?” You find the courage to ask. Leviathan doesn’t say anything, so you walk in and settle down next to him. Upon closer inspection, the game he’s playing is remarkably similar to Animal Crossing. Although, there are some differences. For one, all the animals are significantly more... menacing. They all have horns, tails, or other features typical of demons. Even so, they’re cute. You watch Levi’s avatar walk around for a little, before he inexplicably comes to a stop. You have to resist the urge not to give him advice- you know he hates it when you try to advise him about games- and stay silent. 

His avatar is standing before a glowing spot of green. You think it must be similar to the yellow glowing spot that indicates where Bells, the game currency, are buried. Levi frowns at his screen and digs it up. Just before he can patch up the hole in the ground, you grab his wrist. 

“You can bury that, you know,” you point out. For a moment, there’s nothing but silence and you think your remark has gone unnoticed. Levi’s cursor remains hovering over the currency, which is apparently called Chimes. That can’t be a coincidence, you think to yourself mirthfully. “Then, it’ll make a tree. Like a money tree.”

“Yeah, sure,” Levi says with a roll of his eyes, clearly not believing you. You shake your head and take the controller from him, ignoring his startled screech and burying the currency. Sure enough, it works and his avatar is now standing in front of a sapling. Leviathan is completely silent for several moments, while your heart races in your chest. “Hm.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t know that,” you blurt out, entirely unable to stop yourself. Levi freezes, his hands entirely still around the controller. Despite the near murderous aura rising around him, the words keep falling from your mouth. “It was pretty obvious-”

“Shut up.” You’re suddenly shoved down against the couch. Leviathan looms over you, a furious expression on his face. His eyes are gleaming and his tail is swishing angrily behind him. His hands dig into your wrists painfully. You flinch and close your eyes, but he doesn’t do anything more than tower over you. 

“Okay, okay, sorry,” you say sincerely. Guilt stews in your chest at the thought that he took your taunts seriously. “I was just joking. You’re obviously a skilled gamer. Hell, if Ruri-chan played video games, you’d beat her at them.” Okay, you’re laying it on a bit thick. It seems to work, though, as Leviathan gets off of you and picks his controller back up again. 

“Hmph,” the demon remarks, gradually shifting back to his normal form. He returns to his original position and picks up his controller again. There’s a slight frown on his face. “No one is better than Ruri-chan.”

“True,” you shrug. Levi raises his eyebrows. Even though his gaze is locked on the screen, you can tell that he’s thinking about what you just said. You grimace. Was it the wrong thing to say? Perhaps you shouldn’t have presumed-

“You get it,” Levi nods, his attention back on his game before long. You chance a sidelong glance at him, only to find that there’s a strange smile on his face. In a sudden burst of spontaneity, you decide to lean your head against his shoulder. The demon stiffens and, for a few seconds, you’re convinced that he’ll shove you away. Thankfully, he doesn’t do anything of the sort. Instead, Levi just... continues playing.

Time passes and you’re beginning to nod off. It's fun watching Levi play, but the game isn’t exactly violent or crazy enough to keep your attention for long. You find your gaze wandering to Henry swimming around. Idly, you wonder if Henry could use some more fish companions. The thought doesn’t compel you for very long, as you realize that the goldfish looks happy enough. 

You try to return your attention back to the game Levi’s playing, you really do. Unfortunately, it isn't interesting enough to keep your eyes open. Furthermore, Levi doesn’t really seem like he wants to talk. You frown and relax from your position leaned against his shoulder. Your eyelids are growing heavier by the second. Eventually, you give up on trying to stay awake and close your eyes. 

You’re drifting off into sleep when you hear a murmur. It’s too quiet for you to comprehend, so instead, you keep your eyes closed and let your exhaustion take over. The last sensation you register before succumbing to sleep is Levi leaning closer to you, as if supporting your form and allowing you to remain upright.

I've said it before and I’ll say it again: I love this son of a bitch. he is so autistic- he’s just like me fr 😵‍💫

idk why but I've been on an obey me! streak recently.... but I kinda love it. the brothers are fun to write, I can’t even lie.

[brakingpoint]

Idk if you have seen this question go around twitter and tiktok, but i have seen a lot of people discuss "if the 20 drivers on the grid were in the hunger games, how would they perform?"

I would like to hear your take! :)

thank you SO much for sending me this... i would not call myself a hunger games connoisseur because i put all my energy into hyperfixating on the prequel instead but i AM a hunger games enthusiast and i spent far too long thinking about this in the shower. also i'm doing the 2022 grid bc i don't have the vibes of the 2023 newbies totally locked down yet

(also i'm doing this as everyone roughly competing in individual games as opposed to against each other. bc i think that is more fun)

max: adjusting for inflation (how old he was when he started f1 vs the age you have to be to do the hunger games) he is like, a career tribute in training from district 2 who jumps up and volunteers when he is about twelve and then effortlessly wins the whole thing. gives an insanely nonchalant victory interview, does the victory tour like he's being held at gunpoint, and then is never seen again

charles: finnick odair if he kept almost getting murdered by other people's poor decisions. receives the most strategically pointless gifts from sponsors. literally put him in a desert arena and he will inexplicably be sent raincoats by the dozen

checo: ceo of coasting his way to the final like, three or four tributes based on a combination of luck, occasionally clever moves, and mostly just getting forgotten by everyone. his downfall comes when he overestimates the loyalties of the tributes he's in an alliance with and they stab him in the back (literally) with no remorse

carlos: objectively promising, great scores when he does his little demonstration, capitol haircare brands are tripping over each other to do a deal with him when he wins (because surely he will) but in practice he's another one who mostly just shithouses his way to the final three/four by being in the right place at the right time

lewis: scarily good. wins 75% on strategy, stealth, and speed and 25% by occasionally lashing out and murdering someone off the face of the planet but somehow avoids blame for it. also you know he somehow manages to wear the fuck out of whatever heinous fit he gets put in to ride in those chariots

lando: almost inadvertently starts a revolution because from the second he shows up in the reaping he gets such a devoted nationwide teenage girl fanbase that there are legitimate riots when he dies through an objectively silly unforced error in the final days of the games. also almost inadvertently gets assassinated before the games even start because he says something landogate worthy about the president in his interview. he was just having a laff

esteban: is genuinely just sort of having a nice time camping out in the trees and avoiding all the drama. it is just very unfortunate that in some idk quarter quell gender ratio fuckery he managed to get reaped alongside his childhood bestie pierre who has devoted his entire time in the arena to murdering esteban and esteban specifially

fernando: absolutely fucking terrifying. they have to stop showing his murders on tv because he's a little too gory even for the central thesis of the hunger games as an institution. he's just chill about it though. cracking his little yokes

valtteri: builds up so much pure boiling rage from being constantly ignored compared to the other tribute from his district that after a week or so of surviving because everyone kept ignoring him he finally snaps, swings through the forest on a vine tarzan-style screaming TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, FUCK YOU, takes out four career tributes in the space of fifteen seconds, and then slams right into another tree killing himself instantly

daniel: crowd favourite going into the arena. makes a little joke at the reaping, serves in all his silly little outfits, gets great scores, secures the most sponsors, has the most charming interview in the history of the hunger games. and then when he's on the little platform waiting for the games to start he gets a bit too excited, starts doing a little dance, and gets blown up immediately

seb: another unlikely child prodigy victor with a polarising but highly effective tactic of utter ruthlessness paired with being very charming and also crying a lot. he is at his most powerful and dangerous, however, when he moves into the mentoring side of things because not only is he just an objectively good mentor but he does it while plotting to take down the capitol from the inside at the same time. the hunger games trilogy vs the hunger games trilogy if katniss had sebastian vettel for a mentor

kevin: impressive scores from the gamemakers (voted most likely to have a bit of a katniss moment during the evaluation; fok smashes door on his way out?) but doesn't really do a whole lot during the actual games. makes it pretty far and has a couple of genuinely impressive kills but is let down by a lack of sponsors and getting a little too invested in his vicious rivalry with nico hulkenberg

pierre: bit of a rollercoaster ride. impressive pre-games energy, good scores, looks hot in the interview, but tries to hang with the career tributes very early on and nearly flops his way to an early grave. not to be discouraged, he strikes out on his own and makes it impressively far as a free agent, but keeps putting himself back in danger by focusing too much on a) regaining the respect of the careers who really couldn't care less and mostly just want to kill this guy every time he shows up and b) taking any opportunity to slaughter esteban. killed around the time of the cornucopia feast (yuki's fault)

lance: exceptionally dangerous but not intentionally so. at first the general commentary take is that he's very good at making his kills look like an accident, until they finally get the right camera angles and it transpires that all of his kills are in fact total accidents that come about through his own recklessness and stupidity. unlikely fan favourite due to his perpetual exasperation with his mentor (brad)

mick: the son of a fearsome victor from days gone by but largely underestimated due to his nice guy reputation. attempts to leverage this by taking a kind of johanna mason angle and appearing utterly unthreatening until the last minute when he plans to brutally and efficiently kill every other remaining tribute, but his tactic backfires dramatically due to the incompetence of his mentor and sponsors and he starves to death in the middle stages of the games

yuki: gets unexpectedly far due to his small stature making it easy to hide and by forming an alliance with pierre that charms the crowds and prompts widespread speculation about whether there is a romance brewing in the arena. unfortunately he gets them both killed with his reckless enthusiasm about the feast at the cornucopia

zhou: yet another one who gets really far mostly by being ignored. once he gets into the arena, that is. the entire buildup to the games is defined by his rapid ascent to capitol fashion icon. he wins the whole thing through a combination of laying low and getting sweet sweet sponsor gifts and then is permitted to stay in the capitol where he enjoys a prosperous career as stylist for future tributes

alex: he either dies in the very first brawl at the cornucopia OR sneaks his way to the final handful of tributes and wins the whole thing, no inbetween. if he does make it to the end he has at least one dramatic near death experience due to overestimating the kindness of the careers he forms a brief and tentative alliance with but he gets excellent medical care from his sponsors who are mostly supporting him because they saw a really cute video of his cats back in his home district

nicky: again he either dies immediately OR he coasts to the end by being a bit mid and forgettable foxface style and when there's around four tributes left he attempts a raid on their encampment to get food and somehow, in a series of events that no number of replays have ever successfully put into a logical sequence, blows up half the arena and everyone in it, leaving the games without a victor and setting into motion a series of events that lead to the downfall of the capitol, the destruction of half of panem, and a dramatic coup. after all this max verstappen finally looks out of the door of his house in the victor's village in what remains of district two, where he has been playing sim racing games for the past ten years, sort of shrugs his shoulders, and goes back to hanging out with his cats

bonus nico rosberg: district one career tribute, runner up, mostly remembered for the intense psychological warfare between himself and lewis after they formed an alliance in the first hour of the game that got so deeply homoerotic that the gamemakers were like full time on the phone to president snow like hey man. we might have to allow two victors this year or people are gonna be really mad. but luckily nico and lewis solved that problem themselves by turning on each other when they were the only two people left and engaging in a like three-week long increasingly toxic cat and mouse chase that had the entire nation glued to their televisions 25/8

[but-a-humble-goon]

As are aware of Bruce's more negative character traits, who while not liking them doesn't dismiss them as a non canon aberration, you seem like the person to ask this question.

Do you think Gut's could be a good comparison as far as characters go in terms of being someone who is capable of great kindness & great cruelty, who is meant to be sympathetic but can at time horrify.

Obviously Guts having been written by one author for one story is a notably more coherent character. This is more of a general comparison if someone embodying two extremes & still making sense.

Guts in the Misty Valley arc could both save & be very cool towards a young child & be a source of comfort, but could also switch to holding a knife to that same child's throat to lure in an enemy for a surprise attack & still feel coherent.

Do you think a well written Batman could be handled as such, and or that Batman as he largely stands in terms of overall collective works could be regarded in a similar light?

I think the sheer insurmountable difference in the writing quality is what makes the comparison difficult. The way I'd describe it is Guts feels like an incredibly well written dark fucked up antihero and Batman feels like a very badly written morally grey goodguy. It's hard to reconcile Bruce's good with his bad because most of the time it genuinely feels like him being kind of a monster happens unintentionally thanks to writers just having no clue what they're doing. Like, clearly during the whole Stephanie War Games saga the audience was supposed to sympathize with Bruce over her but like... they sorta forgot to make him sympathetic and forgot to make Stephanie do anything bad besides being a teenaged girl so the result his he just comes across like a willfully abusive piece of shit motivated apparently by pure spite. Or, again, by pure misogyny if you take Chuck Dixon's word for it. Or whenever he's casually gleefully cruel to criminals and treats them like animals. Most of the time it doesn't feel like the story is commenting on Batman's own issues, it just kinda feels like it's being written by people who think the thoughtless brutality is okay and/or super cool actually and are using Bruce as a vicarious power fantasy. Or all the times they have him lash out with physical violence against his kids, do they actually get how screwed up and over the line that is? Because it feels more like the writers are just like "nah, it's cool, they're not his real kids so it doesn't count as child abuse, just regular abuse which is fine." I've said it before but it genuinely feels like writers think him just being Batman (the beloved childhood icon of whole generations) is a free pass to have him constantly act as awful as they feel like and never face consequences, learn any lessons or grow as a person while expecting everyone to still like him for some reason. I don't think there really is a way to square Batman's constant shittiness with the good person we're supposed to take him to be. Instead it just ends up feeling like there's two Batmans; one who's gruff, antisocial and scary but ultimately a hero who always means well... and another who is a totally incoherently horrible leech of a human being who everyone inexplicably has infinite patience for, presumably because they mistake him for the first guy. On the other hand, Berserk clearly at least understands that the extremes of bastardry Guts ends up going to are indeed extremes. They actually endeavor to make it make internal sense for the character. The dude is at any one time just barely clinging to his sanity after all the horrific shit he's lived through and every single time he tries to let his guard down and start healing the universe punishes him for it, leaving him broken all over again. He ends up being sympathetic because he's somehow only as much of a monster as he is. Even at his absolute darkest he's managed to hold on to even just the faintest glimmer of his humanity despite everything. Also to be perfectly honest, accounting for the sheer difference in quantity of content I would put money on Guts having a much higher proportional rate of humanizing moments of genuine kindness for contrast than Bruce does, even if he does also go a whole lot darker than Bruce ever has.

So if anything the comparison feels more like: here's what to do and here's what not to do.

[icespyders]

ooooh i got all mad about veilguard again, time for more word vomit

so the release date trailer tells us more about the plot of the game: in an attempt to avert the destruction of the Veil, rook instead inadvertently freed the Evanuris, the elven gods who once ruled Arlathan and have been imprisoned in the Fade/Beyond since the Dread Wolf tricked them and trapped them when he created the Veil in the first place. in the trailer, solas's dialogue refers to the Evanuris as "corrupted," and the main hook of the game seems to be defeating the elven gods before they destroy the world (idk why they want to destroy the world, i guess they're just super cheesed off about being imprisoned in the Fade for eleventy billion years). it also seems like the return of the Evanuris and/or whatever damage solas managed to inflict on the Veil has made magic go haywire in Thedas (it looks like harding is doing some sort of magic akin to magic we've seen sandal inexplicably do in DAO/DA2, probably linked to the Titans introduced in The Descent, which means it's all linked to lyrium somehow, and that's cool at least), which makes sense, since Arlathan was a society suffused with magic and the lack of magic post-Veil led to their destruction, as far as we've seen so far; them coming back and bringing wild magic with them tracks to me. the fact that we're specifically using the word "corrupted" suggests Blight sickness, which also makes sense, since both elven lore and the tevinter lore features a distant city, where the Evanuris are trapped and where the tevinter magisters trespassed and brought the Blight down on the world; if this is the same city in both traditions, it makes sense for the Evanuris to be Blight-sick, if that indeed is the source of the Blight and the darkspawn etc

my big problem is that: i really really hate the evil Evanuris rewrite, because our only source claiming the Evanuris are evil is solas, the Dread Wolf, a literal trickster god who lies constantly to suit his own ends, both in lore and in practice in DAI. he spends all of inquisition lying directly to everyone around him! even solas stans have to admit that; he's not telling the truth about himself, his goals, and his knowledge of the whole situation with the Breach and corypheus. i simply do not trust anything he says, so i'm really disappointed that, apparently, this whole time i was supposed to fully believe a trickster when he talks nonsense that contradicts previously established lore.

the elves are one of the most oppressed groups of people in the entire series, whether city elves or dalish; imo only the qunari have a rougher time in thedas. merrill, for example, talks all the time about the hole left in her understanding of herself and her heritage because their records are gone, their artifacts are scattered or broken, their society was all but destroyed (Jaws of Hakkon ultimately is all about this, too, ameridan being an elf was deliberately erased from records and i doubt he's the only one). so the elves hang onto their traditions about the Evanuris and Arlathan because it's pretty much all they have left of their culture, and it just really rubs me the wrong way that Veilguard takes the faith culture of this deeply oppressed group of people and twists it into something nefarious. i've played an elf in most of my dragon age runs where that option is available to me, and i've always really enjoyed picking up codexes about the lore and legends. i thought really carefully about picking vallaslin when i played as a lavellan inquisitor in my first time through DAI. i really hope that there's more to the Evanuris in Veilguard than solas's rewrite of the lore, but i have a bad feeling they're just gonna be the bad guys no matter what, and it sucks for me. i went all through Trespasser skeptical of anything and everything solas claims that contradicts previously established lore, but i guess i was the idiot all along!!!! stupid me, refusing to trust a trickster god who played me for a fool for all of inquisition, doing his Dread Wolfy play-both-sides bullshit. i should have realized solas is actually the main character of the entire franchise. fuck this game

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Bowser

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Most of the time, saying a character needs no introduction is a bit of an exaggeration, because there is always the chance, however slim, that someone has not heard of that character. That’s not the case here, though; you could go to the deepest, most isolated jungle tribe on Earth, ask the villagers if they’ve heard of Mario, and they’ll all start singing out the Mario theme music. With that in mind, today’s subject absolutely needs no introduction, but out of respect for the King of Koopas I’ll give him one anyway: This is Bowser.

Bowser is not simply a video game villain. Bowser is THE video game villain. Like Mario, Peach, and Luigi, this big old turtle is pretty much a household name, loved far and wide for his iconic design, simple yet effective boss battles, and his inexplicable yet somehow still understandable sexiness. The question is, can I make it through this review without making some sort of crude comment about the raw sexuality the King of Koopas exudes? Lets find out!

Motivation/Goals: Bowser from day one has always been a pretty simple man. All he wants in life is those peaches, peaches, peaches… And I mean, really, can you blame him?

Yes, his motivations and goals are pretty simple and shallow, but he always manages to make something as trite as rescuing a damsel in distress fun and refreshing. His strict adherence to basic formula leaves a lot of room for mixing things up though, and this same adherence makes the times when he breaks tradition and does something like fight on Mario’s side all the better. And sometimes it’s clear Bowser just wants to relax and fuck around by karting, playing board games, or competing in some sort of sport.

It’s a fun little twist on that old “Knight rescues a princess from a dragon,” except the dragon is a giant turtle and the knight is an Italian plumber (a more powerful force than any knight could hope to be). Of course, the fact Bowser is incredibly obsessed with a woman despite her wanting nothing to do with him means that Bowser is—you guessed it—a

Performance: Hoo boy, are there a lot of Bowser voice actors.

The cartoons used Harvey Atkins, who delivered a fun and cartoonish take on Bowser; Marc Graue voiced him in Hotel Mario, but this isn’t shocking as he was basically every male character in that game; Peter Cullen technically voiced him from 1996 to 2006 due to archival roars he provided for the 1976 remake of King Kong being repurposed for Bowser’s own roars; Charles Martinet provided his iconic evil laughs for 64; Kenny James is his current voice actor; Jack Black turned in a very against type performance in the Illumination movie; and Dennis Hopper of all people portrayed him in the live action film from the 90s. And these are just the ones I wanted to highlight! There are a few English voice actors I skipped as well as his extensive Japanese voice cast! Here’s the complete list, just so I’m not here all day:

The point I’m trying to make is this: Bowser’s iconic status is completely a group effort, and each of these dudes helped contribute to Bowser’s status in our hearts and minds in their own unique ways.

Final Fate: It really depends on the game or movie or whatever, but he is always defeated by Mario at any rate. Sometimes he’s simply defeated and sent on his way; sometimes he’s captured and imprisoned, like in the animated movie; and sometimes he just fucking dies, like in the live action movie and New Super Mario Bros. Don’t worry, he gets better.

Best Scene: Bowser in the earlier games had rather simple boss fights, though they weren’t completely unmemorable. Still, out of his early days it’s hard to deny his epic battle against Yoshi in the finale of Yoshi’s Island, where his child self is grown to gargantuan size and ominously lumbers towards you from the background while a hardcore boss tune blasts through your speakers, is the peak of his NES/SNES days.

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Then we have his early forays into 3D, and it’s inarguable that the boss fights he has against Mario in the timeless classic Super Mario 64 are some of his best, even if they are rather simplistic. I mean, this is where we got “So long, Gay Bowser!” from, can you really deny its place in Mario history? And those are just a couple! We could probably sit here all day talking about his great battles in games like Odyssey, New Super Mario Bros, Galaxy, and so on.

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Bowser’s most impressive showing outside of the games is The Super Mario Bros. Movie. The initial teaser for the film, which showcased his opening fight against the penguin kingdom, really helps establish Bowser as the threat he is, and the final battle and the wedding scene in the movie are some of his greatest villain moments to date. But I’m going to be cliché and give the spotlight to his villain song, “Peaches.”

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Here’s the thing, though: As a song, “Peaches” kind of sucks. It’s just Jack Black saying “Peaches” fifty times in a row and then making Jack Black noises. But that’s also what makes it so genuinely great; in the hands of a lesser actor/musician, this really would just be the dumbest shit imaginable, but in the hamtastic hands of Jack Black the song has become an instant legend. I think the visuals and the beautiful piano playing really help, not to mention the official music video where JB dresses up as Bowser and tosses peaches around. Lyrically it’s nothing to write home about, but man does the performance really sell it.

Oh yeah and there’s this too:

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Final Thoughts & Score

It is near impossible to overstate how iconic, important, and downright awesome Bowser is.

Like, this guy is the final boss. He pretty much codified what that means in terms of video games, being one of the first iconic big bads of gaming and the first adversary a lot of gamers fought. It’s kind of hard to believe today, but the original Mario games were genuinely some of the most groundbreaking games of all time, and the only reason it’s hard to believe is because video games have been building off the groundwork they laid down back in the 80s. Bowser is no exception; every single video game villain, especially platformer villains, owes a debt of gratitude to the king of the Koopas.

I think part of the reason Bowser has managed to survive and thrive through console generation after console generation is because he, much like the rest of the core Mario cast, is extremely versatile as a character and can slip into any situation with relative ease. He can be an evil overlord, a bratty child, a loving father, a kart racer, an Olympic champion, a platform fighter combatant, the owner of a Coney Island disco palace, a giant skeleton, a board game player, it doesn’t matter! Bowser can do it all! He can be a goofy, bumbling comedy villain or he can be a galaxy-destroying threat that would make Thanos shit himself, he has range like you wouldn’t believe!

It helps that both times he has shown up in a movie he has managed to be a scene-stealing smorgasbord of ham and cheese. Dennis Hopper’s madcap, in-it-for-the-money-but-not-half-assing-it performance in the live action film is so delightfully over the top that he manages to make the mere act of saying “Monkey” and “Bob-Omb” memorable and meme-worthy. While he’s a bit far off from what you’d totally want from Bowser, and his saurian form gets relegated to a two second cameo before his death, it’s hard for me to really give him less than a solid 7/10. He’s just too damn fun.

Meanwhile, Jack Black delivered a performance so good that it makes it easy to overlook the many problems the movie has (like its terrible needle drops). He’s just so fun, funny, and even genuinely intimidating, perfectly mixing all of the traits that make people love Bowser into one big, juicy package. I think everyone knew this was going to be a 10/10 performance right from the moment it was announced, but still it was pretty impressive just how well Black was able to slip into Bowser to the point he was almost unrecognizable at times.

No one would argue that Bowser deserves less than an 11/10; he is genuinely one of the single most important characters of the 21st century, and has made a mark on gaming that very few villains could match. He is to final bosses what Dracula is to vampires, what the Wicked Witch is to witches, and what Fu Manchu is to racist caricatures of Asian people. Other villains have more depth and complexity than Bowser, but that doesn’t really matter when he kidnaps Peach for the thousandth time and throws an army of freaky mushroom men and crazy turtles at you, because you’re gonna be there helping Mario stomp those Goombas to get to him. Bowser is just an icon, and his place in video game history is absolutely, utterly gargantuan.

JUST LIKE HIS DICK!

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

found a clip of the Curse of Fenric scene I mentioned! It happens right at the end of this video and the video is INEXPLICABLY not subtitled so you basically have to read his lips, but that's what he's saying after he goes "fAaAitH!!" it won't let me put a video in an ask but here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnDXZYafR-w

just in case anybody wanted to see it!

thank you!

i watched a bit of this episode and now i really want to do like a god complex/fenric curse double feature some time bc

ACE: The Doctor never fails. I've got faith in him. Complete faith. SORIN: Kill them. DOCTOR: It can't penetrate Ace's psychic force. SORIN: Time for the one final game, then. (Sorin picks up a poison vial and holds it near Ace's head.) SORIN: The choice is yours, Time Lord. I shall kill you anyway, but if you would like the girl to live, kneel before me. ACE: I believe in you, Professor. SORIN: Kneel, if you want the girl to live! DOCTOR: Kill her. SORIN: The Time Lord finally understands. DOCTOR: Do you think I didn't know? The chess set in Lady Peinforte's study? I knew. SORIN: Earlier than that, Time Lord. Before Cybermen, ever since Ice World, where you first met the girl. DOCTOR: I knew. I knew she carried the evil inside her. Do you think I'd have chosen a social misfit if I hadn't known? She couldn't even pass her chemistry exams at school, and yet she manages to create a time storm in her bedroom. I saw your hand in it from the very beginning. ACE: Doctor, no. DOCTOR: She's an emotional cripple. I wouldn't waste my time on her, unless I had to use her somehow. ACE: No!

ACE: Couldn't even pass a chemistry exam. DOCTOR: I'd have done anything not to hurt you, but I had to save you from Fenric's evil curse. Your faith in me was holding the haemovore back. ACE: You said I was an emotional cripple, a social misfit. DOCTOR: I had to make you lose your belief in me. ACE: Full marks for teenage psychology. DOCTOR: It's not true, believe me.

this is fun!

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

Here’s a long and rambling story I don’t expect anyone to go through.

When I was a younger man - a child - Quake 3 came out, and with it a lot of games using the same engine. An important element of this, as I recall, was something called ‘open_gl’ rendering, or something like that. I can’t remember the details.

The important thing is that we did not at that point possess a computer with the hardware capable of doing this open_gl sorcery. My father’s computer at his office inexplicably did, however.

So, every week for an hour on Thursdays (I think it was Thursdays) while I was hanging around at his office waiting to go to some extra-curricular maths class I was having to go to, I took full advantage of this arrangement and played both Quake 3 (well, the demo) and Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force.

Elite Force especially I played, because that game is dope. I’m pretty sure I chewed my way through the whole thing in inelegant, clunky, one-hour chunks. 

Eventually we got something back home that could do the open_gl thing - my poor beleaguered father somehow managing to stick some low-tier nVidia card into our shitty Compaq (imagine my delight at seeing transparent water in Half Life!) - and so this wasn’t as big of a deal anymore, but the memory remains seared into my brain.

This isn’t really relevant to anything, of course, it simply bobs up for me every so often because on my walks home from work I often walk past my father’s old office and I look at it and I think about this, because he’s long-dead, the company he worked for is now called something else and full of other people, and the office itself was abandoned and empty for years and is now being turned into flats.

(Because if you leave anything around here long enough someone turns it into flats.)

So yes. I look at it and I think about this time in my life and, as we pass, I point out to my child that this office right here by the tree is the one grandad was in, once, and where I played The Longest Yard many times against bots.

Badly.

[daysofourlivesrecaps]

Tuesday, 30 May 2023

Some days (or some Days, I guess?) they move us from one set of plots to another, entirely unrelated set of plots that do not overlap any of the others in the slightest and we end up with a bit of whiplash. And this is exactly what happened today.

Xander checks in with Gwen regarding the newspaper that they co-own and co-manage. And look, I adore both of these very British, very pretty people. But I have an exceptionally hard time believing that they've managed to keep *an actual print newspaper* in business this long between the two of them.

Xander has heard that Gwen let the ad sales manager go, and suggests Chloe (with her background in opera singing and... whatever the hell she did at that fashion company) for the job. Gwen pushes back, suggesting that it would be unethical to hire Xander's current girlfriend. But Xander denies that anything is going on and Gwen concedes, figuring that she must have read that in next week's Soap Opera Digest or something.

Chloe is visited by Brady, who offers her that same nebulous job back at the fashion company. The company is not called Basic Bitch (Amanda: BITCH!) but is in fact called Basic Black. Because his name is Brady Black. Also I'm pretty sure their logo looks exactly like that of the rival soap, The Brave and the Bold The Bold and the Beautiful, but I have been unable to find evidence to support this.

Chloe says "nah, I shouldn't come to work for my ex-boyfriend. That would be unethical. Besides, Xander offered me a job that I'm definitely qualified for!"

Then Xander returns home and he and Brady glare at each other for a few minutes.

Over at the Kirakases...

We know, Maggie. RESTING IN PEACE. For christ's sake, poor John Aniston has been gone since November. When the hell are you people going to stop playing this game?

Justin, having heard that Alex lost his job when he blew that big deal, has come to plead with Maggie to reconsider. Because nothing says "I am a powerful entity in the business world" quite like having one of your parents grovel for forgiveness on your behalf.

In Chicago, Maggie's daughter Sarah is still inexplicably hanging out with Rex, the living embodiment of Crayola's Atomic Tangerine crayon. They're visited by Bonnie (a sort of working-class Anna) who immediately figures out that Sarah's pregnant (mostly because she's hiding it so very badly) and that the baby is actually Xander's.

Xander put on a clown mask and kidnapped Bonnie and Susan Banks (the woman, not our cat) in the events that ultimately led to Susan (the human)'s death, but Bonnie has somehow forgiven him for this and joined the chorus of people insisting that Sarah should just give him another chance.

And look, I think they were a great match. They were both quite sexy and extremely funny together. I bought their connection and I enjoyed seeing them together. But people keep gaslighting Sarah into thinking Xander didn't do exactly the awful things she dumped his Scottish ass for. And I wish they'd stop.

Back in Salem, Alex is stil moping about losing his job, so he's hanging out with Stephanie. Then Chad returns from Greece and gives Alex the same jealous bullshit that happened when their positions were reversed. It's a good day for dudes pumping up their chests at other dudes, I guess. But not in the sexy way, like you want.

Alex leaves them to their uncomfortable couch sex and takes off. In the square, he runs into Gwen and asks if she still has that ad sales job open. "You, a man I was recently fucking, would be perfect for this job and not at all an unethical choice! Unfortunately, the position is taken."

Then she pretty much begs him to get back in bed with her with her eyes (seriously, look at that) and also with her actual words, but he stands his ground on the whole "working on myself and the way I treat women" thing. Which is honorable and probably the right thing to do, but also I feel exceptionally bad for Gwen. Won't someone think of poor, horny Gwen?

Then Alex runs into Brady, who realizes neither of them really have a lot to do right now so he offers Alex the job that he wanted to give to Chloe. And Alex accepts, realizing that he needs to do something interesting soon or he'll end up being replaced by that exceptionally boring character that this same performer also plays. (Because look, he's a fine actor but he's not good enough to make me believe he's two different people who look and sound nearly identical and just dress a little differently.)

Then he returns home to his dad, his Auntie Maggie and his ABSOLUTELY FOR SURE STILL ALIVE UNCLE VICTOR, where he's offered his old job back. But he declines, because he's gotten a much better (worse) offer from Brady.

And honestly, as "dudes in therapy learning a little humility" arcs go, this was a pretty big moment for Alex! I'm proud of the beautiful idiot!

[jungkxook]

—out of the blue. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader 

⟶ genre: youtuber/gamer!jungkook + fluff / smut 

⟶ words: 5,204

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: catching your boyfriend bleaching and dyeing his hair for a livestream is definitely not what you expected — but it certainly has its perks.

⟶ warnings: established relationship, some attempt at humour, .2 seconds of sort of sub jungkook (you just like seeing him on his knees), you call jungkook a good boy, shower sex, hair pulling, oral sex, face riding, standing sex, breast play, cum eating, doggy style, unprotected sex, creampie

⟶ note: because blue haired jungkook has me feeling all sorts of things. also dedicating this to the lovely ryen @kithtaehyung​ because blue haired jungkook is getting her too and i hope this helps!! and thank you to the wonderful @gamerkooks​ and @stanrandomthings​ for always giving me inspiration for gamer jungkook <3

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jungkook has less than a second to react when he hears you bursting through the door of his bedroom, a guilty expression plastered on his face as if you’ve caught him in the midst of a much worse act than what he’s already currently doing ━ but the flustered scowl deepening your countenance is enough for him to certainly feel that way, because how else is he supposed to casually explain why he’s currently sitting shirtless in front of a camera?

Admittedly, the sight is odd enough, and there’s a split moment where your incredulous look is enough to make him feel as if he’s wronged you, and your six month long relationship with him, entirely before he remembers that he didn’t actually do anything wrong like cheat on you, but is actually just trying to dye his hair.

He’s sat in his gaming chair, camera and lights set up around him, and the monitor of his desktop all recording his face to the hundreds of thousands of viewers currently watching his livestream. He had told you well in advance about his aim to do a twenty-four hour live broadcast for his subscribers to both raise money for a donation and to countdown to his next subscriber milestone with the help of his friends ━ and had even asked you to help him plan the event, discussing it animatedly with you for the past month on various occasions ━ but mainly just because Jungkook is crazy enough to sit through a twenty-four hour stream and call it fun.

You had known most of how the entirety of the day would go. Starting from noon the previous day to now, almost an hour before the stream ends, thus far he’s done various gameplays from Minecraft to Overwatch to Among Us simultaneously with his friends who had offered to marathon with him the twenty-four hour event; had a period of time in which Jimin and Taehyung were over and cramped in his room to answer questions and talk to viewers but mostly just to create absolute chaos. You had been there for most of it, though you’re still trying to figure out if it’s a blessing or a curse that you were suckered into paying rent for your three bedroom apartment by Taehyung more than a year ago, and subsequently falling madly in love with Jungkook and forcing you to aid in his antics. You’ve been in a handful of his videos before, appearing in Twitch and YouTube streams, and in the background of vlogs in his channel and the channels belonging to the other boys; and, on that day for Jungkook’s twenty-four hour event, you had joined him at the start before being dragged away for work and then tried to pull an all-nighter with him until you crashed on the couch in the living room, and checking in on him occasionally to give him food and water and to just generally make sure your boyfriend isn’t dead.

Now, with the remaining final hour dwindling down, you had been in your room trying to finish last minute essay writing for school, with your phone propped up on your desk and Jungkook’s livestream playing as background noise to your studying. One minute, he had been playing a round of Among Us, and the next, when you had glanced up, he had the bottle in hand and the detrimental blue dye coating his hair in slick globs. It wouldn’t have been so shocking, had you not seen Jungkook an hour ago when he had his natural dark hair still, and now he had somehow managed to sneak in bleaching his hair in the time you had left him. Maybe it was your fault for not catching it sooner, if only because you had sheepishly taken a small nap amidst your studying only to wake up to a nightmare.

Which is where that leaves you currently, dishevelled demeanour standing at the threshold of his door after chasing over to his room, watching as Taehyung helps Jungkook sufficiently ruin his beautiful hair which you love so much.

“Uh… Dyeing my hair?” Jungkook finally answers, dumbfounded. He’s fortunate he had pulled off his shirt to avoid getting hair dye on it, an old towel now draped around his shoulders to catch any excess mess. He adds brightly, “We asked for suggestions on how to end the stream and someone said I should dye my hair, so Tae got the stuff.”

“You bleached your own hair?” You retort, exasperated. “When the hell did all this happen? I’ve been next door to you the whole time! What if your hair falls out? You should’ve gotten a professional to do it, not Tae━”

Taehyung looks inexplicably offended by your slandering remarks on his (lack of) hair styling skills, retorting with, “Yo, what the━?”

Jungkook blinks, as if just being made aware of what he’s actually doing.

“My hair’s gonna fall out?” he gaps. “Guys, what the hell? Why’d no one tell me?”

He looks from you to Taehyung then over at the comments on his livestream which are currently flooding with the sole topic of you. His eyes snag the first few that appear to him in the frenzied influx of words:

uh oh jungkook’s sleeping on the floor tonight

oh shit run bro

f in the chat for jk’s hair

get him y/n!!!!

“Dude, she’s just being dramatic,” Taehyung waves you off. He ducks out of the way when you reach out to Jungkook’s bed for a pillow and chuck it at the older boy’s head.

“And when he’s bald, then what━”

“No!” A helpless Jungkook exclaims suddenly. He gestures wildly to the stream, “Don’t give them ideas. The edits are gonna start pouring in.”

“Jeon, look, it’s too late to go back now,” Taehyung says. “You’ve got half your head covered in dye and three minutes to go with the stream. How bad can it be?”

A groveling sigh eclipses your lips as you push yourself forward. “Then at least let me help before you ruin it completely.”

Jungkook’s fortunate, to say the least, though he’s left wondering if you’re truly upset with him.

He finishes the countdown to the end of his twenty-four hour stream with you and Taehyung putting the last remaining globs of dye on his hair, a heartfelt goodbye to his viewers who marathoned the stream with him, and a promise to update them on the status of his hair when he washes the dye out.

And, just as soon as he’s shut his camera off, the mundane world returns to him.

It’s no longer millions of anonymous and faceless viewers watching him from the other side of their screens in the tiny bubble that is his room, but just you and Taehyung and the older boy’s frisky little Pomeranian dog and the threat of a wallowing regret as Jungkook thinks to himself, what the hell did he truly just do to his hair?

At some point, Taehyung retreats to his girlfriend’s house taking Yeontan with him, leaving you alone with Jungkook and he basks in the sudden cozy quiet after twenty-four hours of madness as the adrenaline rush begins to fade and mellow out. Back aching, joints cracking and popping as he stretches and moves, and eyes burning in the similar way they do from having stared at a screen for too long, but tenfold, he craves nothing more than to find your sweet and comforting touch to end such a long day.

He finds you in the living room already scrolling through your phone and your Twitter feed to read and marvel at all the comments and memes made by his viewers during his stream and his heart threatens to burst through his chest because you’ve always been so supportive of him and his fans, and they’ve always adored you and your endless interactions with them. So, surely, you can’t be mad at him for bleaching and dyeing his hair. Right?

As his arms come to wrap around you from behind, face nuzzling in the crook of your neck, he hears you bemoan, “You look like a Smurf came on your head.”

Wrong.

Well, not entirely, he guesses. You do lean into his chest, practically melting against him. A sluggish grin tugs at his lips and, instead, he chooses to ask, “Shower with me?”

“Aren’t you tired, Koo?”

“Baby,” he deadpans, and your heart flutters just a little bit, “by this point, I’m running solely on Red Bull and coffee that I’m positive I could fight the gods with my bare hands and win. In fact, I’ve had so much caffeine that I’m fairly certain I’ve ascended to the astral plane. Besides, I need to wash this dye out, and I could use some help. Sleep can wait.”

“Help,” You snort. “You’re such a liar. I already know what you want.”

“To spend time with my beautiful girlfriend? You’re right.”

“I’m not sucking your dick.”

He pulls his head back to look at you. Though he tries to look offended, there’s the tiniest of smirks on his face. “Wasn’t gonna ask you!”

You turn to properly face him in his arms and shoot him a dubious glance. He leans down to press a chilling kiss to your jaw, then nudges his nose against you in the same spot so that you’ll move your head. You do so, despite your prior scolding, and let him kiss the underside of your jaw down to your neck.

“Okay, fine,” You huff finally.

You relent, miraculously, but Jungkook had already guessed you would the moment he had found you in the living room and he couldn’t be happier.

He cherishes the moments alone with you, has come to know them well as he falls into a comfortable routine with you away from prying eyes over the last few months. Because sometimes, as he comes to learn, it’s hard to establish a relationship when his job requires him to be in the spotlight often. What is authentic and what is simply fabricated for views is difficult to discern, and yet you’re patient with him. Not everything to him is money and views and numbers, or what his next big plan is, or how you could potentially help him in some way (despite knowing that any video featuring you seems to skyrocket his views and land his videos on the trending page of YouTube more often than not because he knows everyone loves you more than him). You know when he’s his online persona and when he’s simply just Jungkook, and while there’s hardly any difference between the two, his online personality surely has to maintain a level of privacy and happiness that may not always be true.

At least with you, he can just be himself. He can finally be at ease.

Showering together is just one of the many acts of normalcy he cherishes with you. So, he turns on the shower and lets the bathroom get all warm and balmy as you undress. He’s the first one inside, hissing in delight as he lets the water run over his sore muscles, washing out the dye in his hair firstly so as not to get it on you and fortunately not making too much of a mess of blue dye in the tub. You’ve joined him in an instant when he’s nearly done, squeezing into the space in front of him as you shut the glass door behind you, the pane already beginning to fog and slick with droplets of condensation. He pulls you into him once more, nestling his chin on your shoulder as his hands come to wrap around you. They slide across your front, all wet and soapy, briefly gliding across your breasts, palms brushing against your nipples before traveling down to your navel.

“Congrats, baby,” You coo gently. “Twenty-four hours.”

He murmurs into your hair, “Missed you loads though.”

You turn to look at him finally, and it’s hard not to stare. Your eyes land firstly on his abdomen and the toned muscles there, trailing up to his arm and the pretty tattoos that decorate every inch of his skin, to his soft pink lips and his big eyes. Then, there’s the matter of his hair. The water has done most of the work in washing out the dye from his hair, now falling across his forehead and into his eyes and cheekbones, and it’s only then that you fully register the dye has worked as you struggle to find any remnants of his once-ebony-then-blonde locks. The blue hair is an obvious stark contrast to his natural hair and, you think, it is pretty, accentuating his radiant skin and making his eyes pop.

“I didn’t think you were actually serious all those times you said you wanted to change your hair.” Your lips are pursed as you survey him now, your fingers twirling a strand of his tresses around and around as you inspect it.

He smiles, catching your hand and pressing a quick peck to your knuckles. “Neither did I,” he admits sheepishly. “It sort of just happened.”

You pout. “I’m gonna miss your natural hair.”

“Do you really hate it blue?”

“I don’t hate it. Was more scared you’d ruin your pretty hair and make it all fall out.”

At this, Jungkook flashes you a cheeky smile. He holds his head a little higher. “So you still think my hair is pretty?”

“I think you’re a dork,” You clarify. “And, aside from the fact you almost gave me a heart attack, I’d say the blue is so pretty. Beyond pretty. Kinda hot, if I’m being honest.”

Because you’re not really mad, but it’s fun just to tease Jungkook and see his reactions. At the very least, he can sense this, as it’s apparent with the way his smile stretches even wider on his face.

“Hot, huh?”

“Mhm. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

He feigns a look of mock hurt. “Oh no. You must be really mad. Want me to make it up to you?”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“Well, what do you want from me?”

You take a moment to think it over, but the answer is already obvious enough. It’s one that even he knows, and one that has won you over the moment Jungkook was freed from his stream. You hum aloud, “You, on your knees, head between my legs, like a good boy. Think I can get a better viewpoint of your hair from down there anyway before I judge it.”

“Like a good boy?” A dark smirk tugs at his face. “So now who’s the needy one?”

He lowers his head so that he’s leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down your neck to your collarbones. As you let yourself get carried away for a moment, you wrap your arm around his neck, pulling him backwards until you’re pressed up against the glass door. He ducks even lower, kissing just above your left breast and then catching your nipple between his teeth. You swallow thickly, rubbing your thighs together, reminding yourself to respond to him.

“It’s not my fault when you were busy for the past day,” You pout. “And the blue hair really is sexy.”

“Aha!” he straightens up in front of you suddenly, a crooked smug smile on his face. “So I’m not just hot. I’m sexy.”

“You’re literally always sexy. And beautiful too. It’s almost unfair.”

“That’s even better.”

You tug your fingers at his damp locks. When you speak, your voice is a mix between urgency and a whine. “Jungkook. I could’ve already gotten off with my hand at this point.”

“Ouch, feisty!” He pokes his fingers at your sides. Then, nipping a little more firmly on the soft skin of your breast, murmurs huskily, “Alright, alright. But only if you call me a good boy again.”

Part of him is taunting you, but there’s a small sliver of intrigue that makes the thought in his head and the pretty words on your tongue excite him to no end.

Still, you choose to entertain him, maybe a little drowsily and entirely consumed by him, “I will if you let me ride your face.”

A rumble of a chuckle resonates from him. You find him on his knees in the next moment, wedging himself between your thighs. He nudges one of your legs and you follow the wordless command, hitching one thigh over his shoulder as you settle back against the glass door of the shower. He kisses at your hips as he dips his head lower and lower to where you want him, before swiping his tongue at your cunt, tasting all of you at once.

“Mmm, Koo━” A soft whimper sounds from you, making his head swim.

He wastes no time in lapping at your folds, tongue delving into you deeper and deeper as he cranes his neck. The wetness that pools between your legs and on the tip of his tongue is a sticky mess that he basks in just a little longer.

“Fuck,” he groans into your pussy, “you taste so fucking good. Missed this so much.”

His hands are big as they come to hold you close, cradling your ass, your thighs, your hips, anything to pull you into him while simultaneously pushing your thighs further apart.

You manage to find your voice and quip weakly, “Missed me or having your head between my legs?”

“You, definitely,” he murmurs. He busies himself by reaching out with his thumb to press circles against your clit. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan, hips rutting into his face. “All of you.”

“Jungkook━ Fuck━”

He burrows further into you, humming in response. His nose brushes against your clit, the muscle of his tongue a pleasant wet that makes you warm all over. You give another experimental swivel of your hips, grinding against his tongue just right. He pinches at your hips as if to probe you onward, and then you do it again, and again, desperately rocking your hips back and forth against him. Your fingers reach out to grab a fistful of his hair, clutching it so tightly he hisses. But you’re right. The blue locks look dazzling between your legs, being pulled by your hands as you push him further into you.

His eyes meet yours from below your waist, hooded and idle, enjoying the view as you squirm and writhe above him, shamelessly riding his face. Grinding against his chin, nose, and tongue, the slick wetness you leave behind glistens on his skin.

“Ah, Koo━” You cry out. “Fuck, I’m gonna━!”

Your orgasm hits you violently, sending you keeling. Your hips continue with reckless abandon, and Jungkook presses his finger against your clit a little harder, a little faster. The abrupt gushing warmth between your thighs sends your mind spinning, as the steam from the shower and your panting breaths begin to fog the bathroom. When your hips begin to slow, Jungkook laps at the rest of your leaking core before pulling away with a grin brandishing his shimmering face. He lets you pull him up eagerly, clumsy hands fumbling to hold either side of his face as you tug at him.

“God, you’re so hot, babe,” he sighs wistfully, smothering your lips with his for an all too chaste kiss, before leaning in once more to nibble at your lower lip.

“Wanna feel you, Koo,” You prompt urgently. “Want you in me.”

Jungkook hastens to comply, his hands falling to your waist. “Go on, then. Turn around for me.”

You don’t need to be told twice. You spin so that you’re facing the glass sliding door, your back to him. You watch him over your shoulder, momentarily admiring his well built stature, the tattoos that ink his body, and the water that shimmers on his skin. He has to push his wet hair up and away when it falls across his forehead and then he reaches down to grasp at his length, grip tight around his shaft so that he can pump himself sluggishly a few short times. It’s almost painful to watch him jerk himself off in front of you, the tip a burning red and glistening. He catches you staring and decides to catch you off guard when he grabs a hold of your hips with one hand. He yanks you towards him, your ass pressed firmly against his hips, making you jump from the startle, and grins when you look back at him.

Then, ever so slowly, he runs the length of his cock along your folds. Before you can brace yourself for the overwhelming rush of pleasure, he’s sliding his cock past your folds, burrowing into you deep. He curses behind you, his other hand flying out to steady himself by digging into your hip.

“Fffuck. Shit.” He dips his head so that his cheek is resting against your shoulder and sputters for air. “Jesus, fuck━ Been dying to feel you all day.”

He fits so snugly in you, so perfectly, just like always and you take him so well, coaxed by your own arousal. He ruts his hips forward into yours and you nearly fall forward before catching yourself by pressing your palms to the glass. Then, he’s grinding against you, small and precise thrusts that roll into your hips.

“Mmm, Jungkook,” you choke out. “You feel so━ So good.”

“Ah, shit,” he hisses. “Wanna wreck you so bad.”

He angles his chest a little more, pummels his dick into you in such a way that he’s hitting a different spot in you. His eyes stay fixated on the soft, round flesh of your ass and the way his cock slips so easily into you, brows screwed in concentration, jaw clenched. The slight bounce of your ass each time he rolls his hips firmly against you, the way you ricochet forward each time in tandem with his moves. You bow your head, pressing your temple against the glass door now tinted with condensation, only marked up by the imprints of your fingers grasping at anything. It’s almost sweltering hot in the shower now but you both pay no mind to it. He fucks into you with such languid, steady strides, cock beginning to throb and twitch in anticipation. You feel so wet, such a pitiless mess between your thighs already that it makes him growl.

“H-Harder,” You mewl. “Oh, Koo━”

He almost slips behind you in his eagerness to obey, awakening something animalistic in him, a yearning to just release all the tension in his core. This time, he adapts a measured pace, forceful thrusts that have you crying out in delight each time. One hand reaches up to grip at your shoulder to steady himself while his other slithers around your front to grasp at your breasts, all wet and supple, pinching at your nipples.

“So good,” he moans, pressing sloppy kisses just below your ear. His breath is hot as he pants behind you, sending tingles down your spine. “Fuck━”

His voice is cut off by a whine, hips bucking forward in an unsolicited manner as he feels his high drawing near. You lean your head onto his shoulder, stretching your arm out so that you can tug desperately at his hair. It’s a silent, simple command, but it’s one that he immediately understands even without you speaking.

“Wanna feel you━” You whimper. “Wanna see you.”

Jungkook nearly slips as he fumbles to pull out of you, hissing at the loss of warmth and friction. As soon as you’ve turned to face him, he wastes no time in closing the distance between you. He pushes his leaking cock past your folds once more and continues at the same pace as if he had never even stopped to begin with.

“Fuck,” he whines. “Not gonna last━”

You wrap your arms around his neck, drawing him even closer to you, as he presses you against the glass. He hitches one of your thighs around his waist, spreading your legs just wide enough to hit a certain spot that has both of you crying out. You’re clinging so tightly to him, fingers digging harshly into his skin in an attempt to alleviate the building pressure you feel. He knows you’ve almost reached your end when you resort to a gasping, moaning mess, writhing beneath his broad stature.

“Close, baby?” he hums.

You open your mouth to respond but can only muster a whimper. His pace treads over to heedlessly frantic, the sound of skin against skin and the lewd wetness filling the shower. Despite his hips pounding into yours so harshly, his fingers flutter so delicately under your chin, grasping it and moving your head just enough so that you’re facing him.

“Lemme see you,” he grunts. “Wanna watch you when you cum all over my cock. Always so pretty.”

“I━ I’m━ Fuck, Koo━”

But you can’t finish your thought.

You keep your gaze fixated on Jungkook’s, however exhausted and weary it may be. Your lashes flutter, brows knit together, and you suck your lower lip between your teeth, biting so hard Jungkook’s certain you’ll bruise it. Another few hard thrusts and then you’re reaching your high, overcome by such an intense burning that you can’t help but look away out of instinct. You cry his name, face contorting in pure pleasure, and chest arching to meet his. You’re clenching so tightly around him has him sputtering for air, nearly collapsing entirely against you. You’re near dripping around his cock which only means he almost slips from you with each draw of his hips that he makes. It’s why he sloppily rocks his hips into yours, desperate to reach his own high as well.

When you return to your senses, blinking away your blurry vision, you can make out Jungkook cooing into your ear, “That’s it, baby. Doing so well.”

You meet his gaze once more, only this time you’re perhaps even more tired. Hooded eyes watch him, silently probing him to his climax. He comes tumbling towards it, a few more short thrusts of his hips and, finally, he’s there. He slams his hips up into yours one final time, crying out, and then he’s releasing into you in an overwhelming abrupt gush. Only he can’t quite enjoy it because, out of genuine accident and driven by impatience to just get off, the last jerk of his hips hits you a little too hard.

It’s what causes you to slip backward and he, so lost in his own reverie, hardly has a proper grip on you or where he’s standing. When you lose your footing beneath you, slipping on the wet porcelain of the tub, and comes crashing down, he’s brought along with you. “Oh, fuck━!”

The both of you yelp from the surprise, your hands flailing out to brace yourself for the fall.

Fortunately, you land on him when you reach the bottom of the tub, courtesy of him grabbing onto you last second so that he can soften the blow upon impact.

Unfortunately, the breath is knocked out of him from the startle and from the sudden added weight of you on top of him with no warning.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he groans.

“In hindsight,” You wince as you shift your weight above him, “maybe having sex in the shower again wasn’t the greatest idea. Remember last time when we knocked the shower curtain down and I had to get stitches on my elbow? It’s why we got the glass door installed, and then we had to lie to Tae about it.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” He tilts his head back, rubbing a hand over his face. Then, he flashes you an all too charming smirk. “Was kinda worth it though.”

You giggle, sounding so sweet and angelic, even despite the way his cum still leaks from you. Somewhere in the fall, his dick had slipped from you and now lays softening on his stomach which, really, is probably the worst part of the accident to him. He already misses the warmth of you wrapped around him, your mingling cum a dirty mess around him. You prop yourself up on his chest with your palms, but before you can even think to respond, you notice something out of the corner of your eye.

A small mass of fur in the shape of little Yeontan has just poked his head through the crack in the door, oblivious to you and Jungkook’s compromising position. And then, shortly following behind him, is his equally oblivious owner who must have forgotten something in the apartment to bring him back so suddenly.

“Tannie, get back here━ We gotta go━ Oh, Jesus, what the fuck?” Taehyung appears at the door for a millisecond before noticing the situation he’s just stumbled upon. Thankfully, he acts fast, and clamps a hand over his tainted eyes, clumsily scooping up Yeontan in his other hand. “Can you guys please stop fucking all over this damn apartment? My son’s eyes are too pure for this!”

And then he’s retreating, but not before bumping blindly into the doorframe, grumbling along the way. It’s silent for a moment as you and Jungkook gawk at one another; then you hear Taehyung leave the apartment once more, and the both of you dissolve into a fit of unabashed laughter.

“Are you okay?” You ask once you’ve calmed down enough as he reaches out to shut the shower off. You plant a kiss in your boyfriend’s hair. “You hit your head coming down.”

Jungkook’s heart swells at your gentle touches and smiles. “I’m fine,” he promises brightly. “You?”

“Well, you did just thoroughly fuck me, so━” You shrug innocently. “I’m kinda still too giddy to even care.”

“I’m gonna make it up to you,” he says. “For almost giving you a heart attack with my hair and for almost putting you in the emergency room again just now.”

The mention of his hair draws your attention to it once more. It’s not as wet as before, damp azure waves falling into his eyes that you brush away gingerly.

“Yeah,” You snort, “but I’ve decided I like your hair. Like, really like it.”

“Yeah?” he grins wide. “What was the deciding factor?”

You pause, as if to think for a moment. Exhaustion riddles your body and you know sleeping curled up next to Jungkook is nearing your future, but for now you let yourself entertain the last remnants of whatever lewd thoughts are still on yours and his minds before they fizzle away completely. You can’t help yourself anyway. The blue really is nice.

“Definitely the view of you eating me out,” You say. “And can’t forget how pretty it looks when I’m pulling at your hair.”

“Say no more,” he beams. “Then I’ll make it up to you by making you cum on my tongue again and again and again.”

The last thing he hears before he grabs at your cheek to softly pull you down to him for one last kiss, slow and ardent, is a bubbly giggle from you that delights him to no end.

“That’s a good boy.”

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[retvenkos]

hope in the jar | k.b.

Six of Crows - Kaz Brekker x Reader, slight fluff, slight angst requested

tw: gunshot wound, medical stitches, mention of gun violence,  mentions of blood, slightly ooc kaz because have you tried to write him softly?

word count: 1.4k

prompt: “I don’t trust anyone… but you’re not just anyone.”

A/N: 1) this doesn’t seem to take place at any given point in canon but i want wylan and matthias to be there, sue me, and 2) do i know that there is no greek mythology is the grishaverse? yes. does that stop me from mentioning pandora’s box? no.

summary: Kaz Brekker is far from just being anyone. And maybe, so are you.

"You're quiet." Wylan bumped your shoulder, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

There was a particular kind of calm that descended after a shootout. When pistols stopped smoking and adrenaline had left the bloodstream, the cool weight of evening fell back on your shoulders and managed to settle differently. For Jesper, it meant more jokes than usual. For Inej, more prayer. For Nina, it meant more grumbling, and for Matthias, more smiles. You weren't always sure what it meant for you, but tonight, it meant pensivity.

The walk back to the Slat was victorious. The streets of Ketterdam were empty and unusually quiet, thanks to Wylan's affinity toward bombs and blowing half of the cobblestones right off the street. The tranquility wasn't typical, but somehow, it was comforting. Perhaps even invigorating. How often did Ketterdam fall silent? Especially for canal rats like you?

Maybe if you still had a slow trickle of adrenaline, you would have commemorated the moment - maybe by getting waffles? But it was late, and after taking a bullet to the side after getting a little too close to the enemy, the only thing you wanted was to wash all of the grime off of your face and fall asleep. Maybe you'd celebrate after a good night's rest - Saints providing that such a thing existed in the Barrel.

"Am I quiet? Or are you slowly going deaf from all of your 'science experiments?'"

Wylan flushed a little. Even after all this time, he was so easy to tease. What made it even funnier was that he always managed some witty comeback or another, all while his cheeks were a shocking 'embarrassment pink.' Wylan opened his mouth to speak—

"Definitely quiet!" Jesper called from in front of you, one of his arms slung around Inej's shoulder, the other twirling a pistol.

Wylan let out a scoff of admiration, and you mumbled under your breath - something about Jesper being an irritating, smart mouthed idiot.

"What was that, (Y/n)?"

"You're annoying, Jesper!"

"Well, I'm glad something can make you lively again." Jesper turned his head to toss you a wink, and you rolled your eyes.

Wylan bumped your shoulders together, again, careful not to jostle you too much. "You're not quiet now. Just seething."

"Just tired," you corrected, passing the redhead a lazy smile.

"Admitting that is admitting weakness."

Kaz walked behind you and the rest of the group, but his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. You turned around and walked backward so you could face him.

To anyone else walking the street, the Bastard of the Barrel was just more brooding than usual - his tone curter, his eyes sharper, the lines on his face deeper than they had the right to be. To you, though, Kaz was tired. His leg was stiff from the fight, giving him more trouble than usual, and his jaw was set in a rigid line as to not give away his weakness.

The Slat wasn't too far, now, but even after getting inside, there would be stairs to climb, and a hell of a lot of them were so worn down, they might buckle at any given weight. 

It would be a rough night; it already had been.

You just sighed. "Admitting that is trust."

Kaz held your gaze. For a long moment, you couldn't figure what he was thinking. Kaz Brekker was always considering something, and after a while, you had gotten good at knowing just what he was thinking, when. 

But not this time. Kaz was a sphinx to you during that baited moment - inexplicable, an enigma. What made it worse was that it was deliberate.

Kaz raised his eyebrows and looked down at his cane, hitting the ground with more force than before.

"We're all tired."

The night was filled with the quiet once more, but with every step you took toward the Slat, the low din of unruly jeers and shouts filled your brain like cotton on a wound.

✧ *:･ﾟ

You sat on the floor of your room, a bowl of water before you, a haphazard pile of medical supplies to your left. Nina had told you that she wasn't a Healer when she began to seal your wound earlier, and you had said you didn't want to waste time while still exposed on the streets - by all accounts, Nina did a decent job with the three or so minutes you allowed her. But Saints, someone should have told you to stuff your pride and let Nina work on you just a bit longer. Maybe then you wouldn't be sitting on the floor of your room, stitching up a wound with supplies you nicked from Muzzen.

You had just finished your stitches (you still needed to thank Inej for teaching you how) when you heard Kaz walking up the steps.

You wrapped up your wound as best you could. You were pushing down your shirt when you heard him speak.

"I wouldn't trust just anyone in the Dregs."

You washed your hands clean as best you could and sent Kaz a wayward glance, noting how he stood in your doorway - as though he wasn't quite sure if he belonged.

"I've been in Ketterdam too long—" You grabbed a towel and wiped your face, trying to rid yourself of the dirt and grime. You turned back to Kaz "—I don't trust anyone."

He nodded as though agreeing with your judgment. But it was too quick - too relenting. He turned to go.

"But you're not just anyone, Kaz."

The Bastard of the Barrel froze. It seemed to you that his grip on his cane tightened. Perhaps it was a side effect from the blood loss or maybe even a fast-acting infection from that suture needle, but it felt like something sucked all the air out of the room.

You turned to face him properly.

"C'mon, we've both known it for longer than we care to admit. I'm doing us a mercy - putting it to rest."

Silence, still. If the Slat were up in flames, you doubted you would have noticed. There was nothing else here - it was just you, Kaz, and the space that lay between.

You eased your legs out in front of you, putting your arms out behind you and leaning on your palms. The floor was cool - like the night had been, earlier, when you were talking away from a gunfight. The world was somehow smaller,  then - like you had held it in your grasp. 

Kaz was still half turned, but you could see his profile, and once again, his thoughts were under lock and key. 

"You can either take it or leave it, Kaz. But whatever you decide to choose, know that you chose it."

He spoke sooner than you expected. "You're not just anyone, either."

Your mouth went dry. You weren't sure what you had been expecting or even hoping. Hope was still trapped inside Pandora's jar, and even the barest inkling of it could have destroyed your whole world. Hope belonged to the innocent and the pious, and you hadn't been either in a long time. You weren't sure what you had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.

And for some reason, you could fathom how Kaz Brekker could have ever said such a thing and meant it.

Maybe Kaz didn't think you heard him, because he affirmed it, turning to you. "You're not just anyone, (Y/n)."

"Not just another soldier in your ranks?"

"Not anymore."

You wanted to laugh, but it came out as more of a breath. You settled for a lopsided smile instead. "That's practically a proposal, coming from you."

"If I could offer you more, I would."

You looked at Kaz as he stood in the doorway. He was exhausted and beaten at his own game, but there was nothing but sincerity and truth swimming in his eyes, nothing but honestly dripping from every syllable. Had you ever seen Kaz the way he was, now? To take his own words, he was admitting a weakness. Earnestness was a defect in the Barrel. Vulnerability was a sin.

"It's not much," you conceded. You moved your outstretched leg so that you could tap his shoe - toe to toe. Kaz watched the slow movement carefully, but never pulled away. "But for now, it's good enough."

-- taglist: @musicallisto​​, @catsbooksandmusic​ // message me if you want to be added!

[esther-dot]

There is so much speculation about the Snowsequel! We have the “doom” side and we have the “Jonsa can still win” side and it’s kind of entertaining to see both sides lol. I am a bit surprised by the antis reaction too, it’s incredible how much they still hate Sansa when by show canon the one who actually won the game of thrones and wears the crown that was supposed to be Dragon Barbie’s was Bran??

Funny how they don’t say anything about how Bran will die and how much Jon hates him? Hmmm.

Anyway, I was wondering something about the show. We could say that technically all the Starks had a happy ending except Jon. In spite of the awful writing we can see how Sansa has a purpose, Bran is ruling, and Arya is out there having fun and discovering stuff.

But Jon is...punished, or exiled, or something like that, leaving audiences confused. They refused to present Jon as the villain and yet, he didn’t end as a hero either.

I find it quite suspicious, because in the final montage they present all the Starks as happy, and let Jon keep his sword and Ghost and his wildling friends and that is not the ending of a failed leader, or a broken man, cursed by kinslaying. Either Jon is part of the pack and somehow ends on top like the rest of them, or...falls and ends like a villain. In which case his ending should have been even worse that it was.

So, to me, Jon’s ending is purposely obscured and there is something inexplicable about his not cursed ending (as there is for Tyrion, but I digress).

Do you think the show omitted essential info (idk, something about Brandon’s Gift or something) about how Jon ends in the North again?

I’m on the “doom” side but I’m cheering on the “Jonsa can still win” side!

It really doesn’t matter to me if the rest of the fandom likes Sansa or not, but the obsessive hatred of her in some corners is disturbing. I guess maybe D&D spared Bran some hate by ignoring him instead of subjecting him to their crap writing and the the fandom kinda follows their lead and ignores him too. Silver linings? 😬

“...and let Jon keep his sword and Ghost and his wildling friends and that is not the ending of a failed leader, or a broken man, cursed by kinslaying”

I like your evidence that Jon isn’t cursed/this isn’t meant to be a hopeless ending for him. It’s certainly possible that D&D, out of fear of backlash if they gave Dany’s assassin a good ending, chose to send him to the Wall again rather than give him an unambiguously good ending. The riding off with the FF thing could have even been them thinking, “well gee, he’s our second most popular character, maybe it’s too much to send him to the Wall. Let’s fuzzy this ending to allow people to imagine it anywhere on the scale of back in the Watch or fucking off forever to make snow angels with Tormund.” I did think a lot of s8 was written to manage the audience, not to tell a good/believable story, so I wouldn’t put it past them to have had such a though process. There’s also the possibility that the weirdness around Jon’s ending could simply be the product of their failure to communicate well. The actors have said things that contradict the director of any given episode and D&D contradict that, and each other, and themselves, so that may be the explanation. They were each telling a different story? I mean, reading the finale script was surreal because some of what was said wasn’t really the same as what we saw 😂

When I heard Martin was on board for the Jonsquel, I did think maybe it pointed to the endgame being Jon in exile before a Jonsa reunion when they’re older. I’m not sure who pointed this out after the finale, but it would be another parallel between Aragorn and Arwen if this was the case. Aragorn fell in love with Arwen but then went off as a ranger for some time before they were reunited. It’s possible Martin thought to the end the stories with a promise that a sequel could explore, but then again, it could just be him trying to prevent HBO from going further off the rails with Jon. I’m trying not to read too much into it because I’m not sure that he could put the kibosh on anything even if he really disliked the idea, so I don’t think it confirms anything.

Jon, Lord of the Gift, is a very popular theory in our circle and for good reason. I can’t remember who started it now, but I think of it as istumpysk and agentrouka-blog‘s baby, each of whom I consider more an ASOIAF expert than myself. However, I totally believed Martin that GoT’s ending would be his, and in spite of how I feel about the ending, I’ve never been able to let that belief go, no matter how much I want to. I’m not going to try to persuade people not to believe in alternative endings, I’d like to believe it myself! This one in particular has lots of quotes that make you go 👀👀👀

"Who holds this land?" Jojen asked Bran.         

"The Night's Watch," he answered. "This is the Gift. The New Gift, and north of that Brandon's Gift." Maester Luwin had taught him the history. "Brandon the Builder gave all the land south of the Wall to the black brothers, to a distance of twenty-five leagues. For their . . . for their sustenance and support." He was proud that he still remembered that part. "Some maesters say it was some other Brandon, not the Builder, but it's still Brandon's Gift. Thousands of years later, Good Queen Alysanne visited the Wall on her dragon Silverwing, and she thought the Night's Watch was so brave that she had the Old King double the size of their lands, to fifty leagues. So that was the New Gift." He waved a hand. "Here. All this." (ASOS, Bran III)

(each time we get Brandon confusion sirens go off in my head!)

and

"What happened to them?"         

"They died or went away." Brandon's Gift had been farmed for thousands of years, but as the Watch dwindled there were fewer hands to plow the fields, tend the bees, and plant the orchards, so the wild had reclaimed many a field and hall. In the New Gift there had been villages and holdfasts whose taxes, rendered in goods and labor, helped feed and clothe the black brothers. But those were largely gone as well.

and

After. The word was a spear thrust. After the war. After the conquest. After the wildlings break the Wall . . .          His lord father had once talked about raising new lords and settling them in the abandoned holdfasts as a shield against wildlings. The plan would have required the Watch to yield back a large part of the Gift, but his uncle Benjen believed the Lord Commander could be won around, so long as the new lordlings paid taxes to Castle Black rather than Winterfell. "It is a dream for spring, though," Lord Eddard had said. "Even the promise of land will not lure men north with a winter coming on."    

If winter had come and gone more quickly and spring had followed in its turn, I might have been chosen to hold one of these towers in my father's name. Lord Eddard was dead, however, his brother Benjen lost; the shield they dreamt together would never be forged. "This land belongs to the Watch," Jon said.

(ASOS, Jon V)

and

Jon ignored that. "I have given you fodder for your horses, and once the stair is done I will lend you builders to restore the Nightfort. I have even agreed to allow you to settle wildlings on the Gift, which was given to the Night's Watch in perpetuity."  (ADWD, Jon I) it’s included in The World of Ice and Fire

and

Though in these days it is said that Lord Ellard Stark was glad to aid the Night's Watch with the Gift, and took little convincing, the truth is otherwise. Letters from Lord Stark's brother to the Citadel, asking the maesters to provide precedents against the forced donation of property, made it plain that the Starks were not eager to do as King Jaehaerys bid. It may be that the Starks feared that, under the control of the Castle Black, the New Gift would inevitably decline—for the Night's Watch would always look northward and never give much thought to their new tenants to the south. And as it happens, that soon came to pass, and the New Gift is now said to be largely unpopulated thanks to the decline of the Watch and the rising toll taken by raiders from beyond the Wall.  (The World of Ice and Fire - The North: The Lords of Winterfell)

The fact that this is an old Stark grievance and Ned and Benjen had plans to deal with it is very promising. Rectifying that old wrong, making the land safe and purposeful again, that definitely seems like it would fit really well as part of the endgame. I always liked the idea that Jon could take the throne, but instead makes it possible for Bran to be king to right the aftermath of the conquest (if we assume independence for Dorne as well, not just the North?), so if the followup to that is Jon getting to live out an abandoned dream…that’s beautiful! And it makes sense that Jon would be the candidate who can best keep peace between FF (those who settle South of the Wall, any who don’t) and the Northerners. So, it certainly is an idea that we can look at the books and argue there is evidence Martin is heading there.

And I do believe that D&D were so determined people wouldn’t guess the ending that they could have chosen not to do the necessary set up and then sent Jon to the Wall because there didn’t have anything else to do. I’ve also seen spec that their ending is premature, that Jon is sentenced but then Sansa as QitN brings Jon home. After s8, it’s impossible to think D&D cared much about Jon/his ending, so I do always have that little bit of hope that theirs is a variation of the ending, not the real ending.

I have a big gripe with the ending as it stands for Jon reasons (obviously) but also, I don’t think the Watch should continue to exist? Forcing these kids to swear away wives/children/their lives is gross. But, I don’t have anything that I can point to as proof that the Watch will be disbanded. I find that possibly wishful thinking on my part. Although, I don’t know why we spend so much time witnessing the futility of making kids forswear family if there isn’t some change. And the one thing that does give me hope there (and this would indicate Jon’s ending is something else) is that I believe the Wall will fall, so something about how the Watch functions will change. One other thing that seems promising is the inclusion of the idea of being a shield/protector of the North in both the Watch’s vows and the Gift idea:

“the shield that guards the realms of men” which makes the quotes about the Gift very very interesting: “as a shield against wildlings” and “the shield they dreamt together would never be forged” (AGOT, Jon VI; ASOS, Jon V)

If the Others are completely gone, the main problem in the North would be reconciling the two cultures, finding a way for the FF to live without being a threat to or threatened by the Northern lords. Jon could be the means of progressing Ned and Benjen’s plan into the future/using his sympathy and understanding of the FF he’s developed through the series while continuing to shoulder this role he picked up in AGOT.

And yet, because of things Martin has said in general about the tone he wants for his ending, because of what he’s said about his favorite type of romances (I am a firm believer in Jonsa, just not the HEA kind anymore), and lines in Jon chapters that in hindsight are pretty upsetting, I accept that he always intended Jon to go back to the Wall or a self-imposed exile. I’m not happy about that, but there are some things I just can’t believe were D&D’s idea. It’s a little too tidy when s7-8 had so so so much sloppiness.

I was rereading AGOT, and I simply can’t accept that Martin wasn’t writing AGOT, Jon VIII without thinking of ways to further test Jon. I don’t think he wrote that convo with Aemon solely about Jon attempting to leave the Wall in AGOT, or about Jon trying to leave in ADWD. It feels like the grounding for Jon’s final test, the same way we’re clued into Bran’s role in defeating the others in AGOT, the same way we’re hammered over the head with Arya’s noncomfority and strong sense of justice, the same way Sansa is the voice against violence and the representation of innocents who suffer as a result...Jon’s fate seems clearly fixed in the author’s mind with the love/son/family issue mentioned before he joins the Watch, brought up again here, and so damn likely in the end. And, the sacrifice that it would entail makes the ending meaningful. If Jon were to betray and/or kill Dany onyl to escape any consequences, I think it wouldn’t tell the story Martin wanted to tell with him.

The ending of this Jaime chapter seems very significant when it is followed by the Jon chapter in which he is sent off to assassinate Mance:

Defeated in the Whispering Wood by the Young Wolf Robb Stark during the War of the Five Kings. Held captive at Riverrun and ransomed for a promise unfulfilled. Captured again by the Brave Companions, and maimed at the word of Vargo Hoat their captain, losing his sword hand to the blade of Zollo the Fat. Returned safely to King's Landing by Brienne, the Maid of Tarth.

When he was done, more than three-quarters of his page still remained to be filled between the gold lion on the crimson shield on top and the blank white shield at the bottom. Ser Gerold Hightower had begun his history, and Ser Barristan Selmy had continued it, but the rest Jaime Lannister would need to write for himself. He could write whatever he chose, henceforth.

Whatever he chose . . . (ASOS, Jaime IX)

The crimson and white is very Jon, there’s always a lot about those two colors and him, blood on snow, and there’s this very interesting quote in the following Jon chapter:

"Aye," Slynt said. "A blind man with a chain about his neck, who does he think he is?"

Aemon Targaryen, Jon thought, a king's son and a king's brother and a king who might have been. But he said nothing. (ASOS, Jon X)

I always thought there was a lot to mine in the Jon and Jaime parallels although I haven’t read all that much about them. I wrote this little thing after s8 though because again, some of this stuff folds together a little too well to be a coincidence. But anyway, this idea of determining who you want to be, accepting the consequences of those actions and what people may then think of you, choosing your fate...this will be a huge thing for Jon going forward, and the line “he said nothing” really gives me pause. I find the idea that Jon might choose to be Snow rather than Stark or Targ very compelling. The idea of him remaining Snow only has meaning if he makes that choice, creates himself, chooses his own path, so to me, having the chance at a Stark crown and then a Targ one, refusing both, that’s rewarding. It’s my preferred reading. And, it actually brings me back to your mention of Jon’s sword. It isn’t the Stark sword, and the Mormont bear was replaced with Ghost, so it fits well with Jon’s being his own person, shaped by Ned’s ideals but influenced by other mentor figures, given a weapon that Ned didn’t offer him the same way Jon’s additional mentors teach him things/encourage him to function in ways Ned wouldn’t have…lots of fun things to think about there. Also, Bran has a peculiar line that could eventually be a parallel line to Jon’s, wishing for Summer, rather than the Stark sigil, on his chest,

“He would sooner have had Summer than a silver wolf on his breast” (ACOK, Bran III)

By that I mean, Jon having Longclaw in the end of GoT and Bran a raven sigil isn’t necessarily out of nowhere. The idea that neither is an extension of House Stark but rather, the outgrowth of good things into far bigger, and also, far more personal things...well...that seems very likely although, not really what we would want if the endgame is Jon married to Sansa in Winterfell.

This ASOS chapter stresses me too. The combination of R+L=J, Jon having to assassinate someone, and all of it preceded by this--

A grim day. Jon Snow wrapped gloved hands around the bars and held tight as the wind hammered at the cage once more. When he looked straight down past his feet, the ground was lost in shadow, as if he were being lowered into some bottomless pit. Well, death is a bottomless pit of sorts, he reflected, and when this day's work is done my name will be shadowed forever. Bastard children were born from lust and lies, men said; their nature was wanton and treacherous. Once Jon had meant to prove them wrong, to show his lord father that he could be as good and true a son as Robb. I made a botch of that. Robb had become a hero king; if Jon was remembered at all, it would be as a turncloak, an oathbreaker, and a murderer. He was glad that Lord Eddard was not alive to see his shame. (ASOS, Jon X)

Well, it looks like a bleak future for our boy. I’ve written alternative interpretations of this quote, and I suppose someone could argue that it is about Jon attempting to leave the Wall in ADWD, but the Aemon reference means this is also about what comes later imo. I’m dragged back to AGOT by this quote, where Jon leaves the Wall and thinks of Aemon and honor and betrayal there as well.

When Jon did not appear to fetch the Old Bear's breakfast from the kitchen, they'd look in his cell and find Longclaw on the bed. It had been hard to abandon it, but Jon was not so lost to honor as to take it with him. Even Jorah Mormont had not done that, when he fled in disgrace. Doubtless Lord Mormont would find someone more worthy of the blade. Jon felt bad when he thought of the old man. He knew his desertion would be salt in the still-raw wound of his son's disgrace. That seemed a poor way to repay him for his trust, but it couldn't be helped. No matter what he did, Jon felt as though he were betraying someone. Even now, he did not know if he was doing the honorable thing. The southron had it easier. They had their septons to talk to, someone to tell them the gods' will and help sort out right from wrong. But the Starks worshiped the old gods, the nameless gods, and if the heart trees heard, they did not speak. (AGOT, Jon IX)

and

But he had not left the Wall for that; he had left because he was after all his father's son, and Robb's brother. The gift of a sword, even a sword as fine as Longclaw, did not make him a Mormont. Nor was he Aemon Targaryen. Three times the old man had chosen, and three times he had chosen honor, but that was him. Even now, Jon could not decide whether the maester had stayed because he was weak and craven, or because he was strong and true. Yet he understood what the old man had meant, about the pain of choosing; he understood that all too well. Tyrion Lannister had claimed that most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it, but Jon was done with denials. He was who he was; Jon Snow, bastard and oathbreaker, motherless, friendless, and damned. For the rest of his life—however long that might be—he would be condemned to be an outsider, the silent man standing in the shadows who dares not speak his true name. Wherever he might go throughout the Seven Kingdoms, he would need to live a lie, lest every man's hand be raised against him. But it made no matter, so long as he lived long enough to take his place by his brother's side and help avenge his father.

(it is very similar to the ASOS quote)

and then we have this weirdness

He could not see the smile. Hard as he tried, he could not see it. He found himself thinking of the deserter his father had beheaded the day they'd found the direwolves. "You said the words," Lord Eddard had told him. "You took a vow, before your brothers, before the old gods and the new." Desmond and Fat Tom had dragged the man to the stump. Bran's eyes had been wide as saucers, and Jon had to remind him to keep his pony in hand. He remembered the look on Father's face when Theon Greyjoy brought forth Ice, the spray of blood on the snow, the way Theon had kicked the head when it came rolling at his feet. He wondered what Lord Eddard might have done if the deserter had been his brother Benjen instead of that ragged stranger. Would it have been any different? It must, surely, surely … and Robb would welcome him, for a certainty. He had to, or else … It did not bear thinking about. Pain throbbed, deep in his fingers, as he clutched the reins. Jon put his heels into his horse and broke into a gallop, racing down the kingsroad, as if to outrun his doubts. Jon was not afraid of death, but he did not want to die like that, trussed and bound and beheaded like a common brigand. If he must perish, let it be with a sword in his hand, fighting his father's killers. He was no true Stark, had never been one … but he could die like one. Let them say that Eddard Stark had fathered four sons, not three. (AGOT, Jon IX)

And here is where I give up! As always happens when I start looking at passages to help me come to a conclusion, I get less clarity the more I think about them! Not only do we have Jon wrestling with who he wants to be/who he is, what he can/can’t accept of how others view him, betrayal/honor/love/duty, we also have a lot of Stark and Targ stuff in these chapter, as expected. But what the heck is that last thing supposed to mean?

We can interpret all of these in a couple ways, say it’s about one instance and one instance alone, but to me the ASOS chapter means Jon will voluntarily kill Dany. Except, it makes no sense that he would be punished for killing her as she will have burned KL by that point, but that Ned and Benjen thing did make me wonder if, at least at one time, Bran was meant to judge Jon for deserting? Ned was very judgy about Jaime, but there could be no finding fault with Jon if he kills Dany after she’s burned KL to hell. All the same, it’s an odd quote, and it’s interesting that Ned and Benjen are also referenced in that dream for spring idea, so perhaps the idea shifted?

I enjoyed reading Martin talk about his process the other day and I do try to bear in mind he may start down one path towards his goal only to have to give up and forge a different path to reach it:

The judgment idea felt like something he planned to revisit, at least when writing AGOT, because I think Bran has to be contrasted with other leaders so that we have a sense of his justice, not sure how that could possibly work here though. Martin did have Arya kill a deserter which felt very ominous to me. As in, if Starks are killing people for deserting, it wouldn’t be just to show favoritism to a family member and let them go unpunished, but she isn’t Bran so maybe we can ignore that. Obviously no Starks will be killing each other, and the idea of Jon going back to the Wall is dumb as heck, but imo, there’s something Martin wanted to say there once, maybe not now?

Basically, there’s enough stuff in the books that worries me that I can’t convince myself D&D made up his ending entirely on their own. I’m not sure of the path Martin will take to get there, but to me, the biggest indicator that we’re moving somewhere that Martin always intended with Jon --and that it’s the Wall or exile, *cries*--  is the way he builds on Jon’s Aemon connection and what he chooses to include as he does:

It made him feel odd. "My lord, why have you told me this, about Maester Aemon?"

"Must I have a reason?" Mormont shifted in his seat, frowning. "Your brother Robb has been crowned King in the North. You and Aemon have that in common. A king for a brother."

"And this too," said Jon. "A vow." (ACOK, Jon I)

and then

"Aye," Slynt said. "A blind man with a chain about his neck, who does he think he is?"

Aemon Targaryen, Jon thought, a king's son and a king's brother and a king who might have been. But he said nothing. (ASOS, Jon X)

 and then this

"His Grace is not an easy man. Few are, who wear a crown. Many good men have been bad kings, Maester Aemon used to say, and some bad men have been good kings."

"He would know." Aemon Targaryen had seen nine kings upon the Iron Throne. He had been a king's son, a king's brother, a king's uncle. "I looked at that book Maester Aemon left me. The Jade Compendium. The pages that told of Azor Ahai. Lightbringer was his sword. Tempered with his wife's blood if Votar can be believed. Thereafter Lightbringer was never cold to the touch, but warm as Nissa Nissa had been warm. In battle the blade burned fiery hot. Once Azor Ahai fought a monster. When he thrust the sword through the belly of the beast, its blood began to boil. Smoke and steam poured from its mouth, its eyes melted and dribbled down its cheeks, and its body burst into flame."

Clydas blinked. "A sword that makes its own heat …" (ADWD, Jon III)

It isn’t conclusive, but the Aemon quotes keep getting those additional “of a king” tidbits that may very well be true for Jon too in the future as they feel increasingly pointed. The fact that Jon’s all important honor/duty vs love conversation with Aemon kicks off all of this and seems to predict a lot about his entire arc and possibly his ending with his attempts to/breaking vows for the Starks, and then there’s the assassination/stabbity stab stuff in such close proximity to those references...well, I don’t think it’s nothing.

I suppose that means, yes, the show omitted essential steps in how Jon ends up where he is, likely, Jon refusing the crown which paves the way for King Bran, and if it is a fate of his own choosing, and in that choice he protects the Starks, his ending would be that of a hero (to us), but a subversion of the generic fantasy in which the secret prince becomes king or the hero is rewarded. If Jon’s actions give him a HEA, it undercuts what it cost him to make those choices, and I’m no longer thinking that’s something Martin will do. He seems pretty into making things painful. 

Jon might be in the Watch, possibly even a Lord Commander (again) who makes good on all the promise of the Watch which would be an answer to that mess. He might oversee the settling of the FF in the Gift and see it used the way it was meant to be and keep the peace so maybe that’s how the Gift fits in to such an ending. Or, if his end is in real exile, that Jorah is at the Wall and Jon must stay beyond the Wall for some time, maybe D&D weren’t that wrong?

Another thing D&D (may have) cut that would make Jon’s ending a little more filled out is the fulfillment of this quote:

Benjen Stark stood up. "More's the pity." He put a hand on Jon's shoulder. "Come back to me after you've fathered a few bastards of your own, and we'll see how you feel."                 

Jon trembled. "I will never father a bastard," he said carefully. "Never!" He spat it out like venom. (AGOT, Jon I)

I’m not sure that the child would be a bastard as I’m a fan of the secret wedding idea, but it’s possible other characters think the child is because Jon can’t be with Sansa due to new hatred for the Targaryens post Dany funtimes. Perhaps, instead of getting that, instead of being King to Sansa’s Queen, it may be Sansa who rules and then her son after her, in which case, Jon would be “uncle” to a king, to callback to that last Aemon quote, and round out all the dad/uncle confusion that happens throughout the story, and circle all the way back to this moment.

@sepedarodatiga wrote about foreshadowing in the show for a Jonsa baby (link) and @istumpysk wrote about book foreshadowing (link), and I think that could be the missing sweet in Jon’s bitter. The idea of Jon not being able to publicly be his son’s father, it’s crappy, but I think it’s very possible that was Martin’s intention when writing AGOT because in the all significant Jon and Aemon convo, we have this:

My grandfather named me for Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, who was his uncle, or his father, depending on which tale you believe. Aemon, he called me …" (AGOT, Jon VIII)

We all seem to be on board with the Jon is Aemon idea, most Jonsas recognize Aemon the Dragonknight as being big Jonsa foreshadowing, so the whole “is it the father or the uncle?” idea...I suppose it could just be about parentage reveal and Ned/dad/uncle, but considering how the son stuff crops up with Jon, I think it’s likely talking about his future, not just his past.

I know this is really rambly and nothing conclusive, but part of my inability to decide on anything specific is that each path prohibits or secures certain endings. If Jon accepts legitimization as a Stark, even if the truth is later revealed to some or becomes public knowledge, I don’t think he could be with Sansa. I just think going from being Jon Snow to Jon Stark to a Targaryen is too much to make the people accept in such a short period of time. So, if he becomes KitN, it’s possible he feels that it is necessary to self-exile because he never should have been king (regardless of any assurance by Sansa to the contrary) and secures her reign by leaving. If on the other hand he refuses it all, defends Sansa as the true Stark heir, well, then when the truth is revealed, we have far less of a mess and it works with my preferred version in which he rejects both Stark and Targ crowns. The problem with that is that I do think Jon bending the knee makes sense as a statement about choosing peace (where Robb didn’t), so he’d need to be king for that. Which brings me to another beloved theory in which Jon becomes KitN, the truth is revealed, so he marries Sansa to keep the North unified, and if that’s the case, if he then bends the knee to another Targaryen, the North may be pissed. If he then somehow ends up entangled in the mess in KL, I’m not sure that he can emerge without being perceived (by non Starks) as yet another Targ in the worst sense. That could be a reason he leaves. He wouldn’t allow his chance at happiness prevent Bran and Sansa from peaceful reigns.

Of course, the one thing we know for sure came from Martin is King Bran, and if Jon or Northern armies are involved or present during the burning of KL (rather than, say coming to the city too late to stop Dany, too late to save Aegon?), then I don’t see how Bran is the peace candidate. Like, how will he distance himself from Jon so effectively that people will voluntarily choose him to rule after that? So, perhaps Jon will arrive too late, deal with the mess, and then get to go home and live in peace. Hope springs eternal no matter how hard I try to prevent it. :)

Anyway, if I had to pick one path, I’d say, it’s a variation of the Aemon stuff. That feels right to me, and then a similar ending at the Watch or exile for some, as yet to be determined, very believable reason. 😑

So, the answer to your question is yes? They stripped his ending of all agency and meaning, I think Jon will have experienced good things that make his sacrifice worth it to him, but also, no, I don’t think it will be that different.

And I really think the meaningful stuff would have transpired pre exile, so I’m not sure that the show will retroactively be able to make it make sense, and I fear, would just continue the course s7-8 set for show Jon. :(

[rivalsforlife]

Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again

hi.

Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.

Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.

It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.

The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways. 

This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.

Introducing The Director

Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.

This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.

This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.

This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? “This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”

I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.

I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.

Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.

Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.

at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.

The Musical Begins

Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.

Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.

Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.

Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”

This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.

Then we enter the flashback time.

Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with. 

Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.

Transcript:

Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?

Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????

Ugh. Moving on.

Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.

Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.

The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.

She is not happy to see him.

Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.

Let’s Play A Matching Game

Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.

Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.

Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.

Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.

Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.

Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.

Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!

Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.

Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.

Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!

Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.

Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.

Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.

Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!

Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.

Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?

Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.

Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?

Edgeworth: Not me.

Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!

Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.

I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.

So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:

“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”

Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.

And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.

Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction

Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.

Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.

Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?

Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)

Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.

Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.

So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.

Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.

Leona tries to protest.

Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.

Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.

Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.

They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.

Back To The Murder

So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.

Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.

Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!

The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.

Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?

NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.

Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.

It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.

Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo

You may have seen this one before.

Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.

Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.

Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.

He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”. 

It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.

Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.

The Trial, Day 1

Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.

Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!

Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:

The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint. 

Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?” 

Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim. 

The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?

Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument. 

Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.

And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.

That at least manages to extend the trial another day.

This Totally Has To Be Illegal

After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.

Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...

Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?

Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.

So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.

If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?

I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?

Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket. 

bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor? 

Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?

The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.

AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.

ACT 2, FINALLY

The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.

Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!

sigh.

But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.

Then Phoenix says this.

Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??

Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.

Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.

Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.

The Class Trial

Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that. 

Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.

Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.

Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.

Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.

So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.

So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.

What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.

Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.

... moving on.

Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!

At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.

The Feenie Sweater

Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.

Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.

After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.

This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.

I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.

Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.

Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.

Leona: We promised we’d always be together.

Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.

Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...

So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.

“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”

Then the dancers keep moving.

THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.

This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay. 

This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”

and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”

“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”

“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”

And Person Three Got A Raise.

Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.

We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now

There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.

Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.

This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.

Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.

Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.

Doctor Ema

After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.

That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.

But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.

A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.

So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.

Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.

Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.

Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.

Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship. 

What a mess this world is.

The Trial, Part 2

Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.

Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.

As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.

They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.

Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!

In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.

Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”

It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine. 

Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.

Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Edgeworth!

So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.

Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.

Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.

Here is where things get weird.

Scalpels Can’t Kill People

So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.

Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.

This is the first major contradiction.

Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.

The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.

Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.

It is this:

Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?

...

...

...

... What?

So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.

Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.

Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???

This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!

Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People

This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.

Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.

So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.

1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.

2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?

3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.

All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.

... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?

The Case Finally Ends

god. we’re almost there.

The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.

She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.

Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.

So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”

How does Phoenix respond?

Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.

Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.

Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.

Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.

This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.

Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.

Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.

There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.

Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.

But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.

Dance Time!

This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.

Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”

Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.

Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.

Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.

But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.

Then at the very end, he sings this song.

Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!

Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?

Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.

Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.

Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!