#the MESS

[is-lu-for-everyone]

TUA Season 1 you'll always be famous. You came, served cunt, trauma and siblinghood and ended with a cliffhanger that spawned great fanfics but that in canon led nowhere. Still thinking about that time when many of us thought they all came back to their kid bodies in the past. What a time

[eebzly]

old unfinished sketch // Petra Nordlund님의 웹코믹에 나오는 쌍둥이들, 레미와 루도비카 (Remy & Ludovica)

웹코믹제목: Tiger, Tiger 🐅🐅 작가/미술가: @pepurika

[busy-baker]

•Masterlist•

Long Fics

Thicker Than Water (Complete) Explicit - Tav and Astarion are settling into their new life, exploring each other and themselves while finally having the freedom to explore all the splendors of the world around them.

That is, until an unexpected circumstance veers their plans completely off path, sending them into their most difficult journey yet.

Parenthood.

But little do they know, the child of a vampire was the least of their worries.

There are much scarier things than monsters lurking in the night.

Hellbound and Heaven-Sent (Ongoing) Explicit - Juniper Ancunín and Calathor Dekarios are inseparable. They have navigated their days together since the evening their parents introduced them, sealing them together as best friends.

They would fight to the end of the world for one another if it meant the other remained safe.

But as fate would have it, time moves on and paths sometimes do not align the way we always hope they should.

Until one day, when those paths cross once again, twisting the threads of life and entwining the two lost friends on a road to discover their souls and each other’s.

Roasted (Ongoing) Explicit - Astarion is employed at a coffee shop while he strives to raise in the ranks of the fashion world, modeling for high end designers and magazines.

Gale is an author who has recently topped the bestsellers list. He has it all now, according to his agent who also happens to be his ex, but he still feels as if he lacks something.

When their paths come together, they find that a life worth living is better in good company.

Series

A Rogue’s Guide to Raising a Family - Fics showcasing the ever changing lives of the Ancunín family. The chaos begins with Thicker Than Water and carries on with twists and turns through several chapters and short fics. Astarion’s in for a wild ride with this bunch.

Darling Dhampir - Short stories featuring Astarion and Juniper as they navigate life, growing and learning from one another each day.

The Mess - Bloodweave x f!Tav series. Explicit

One Shots

House of Mirrors - f!Tav x Astarion - The fair has come to Baldur’s Gate for the week. Tav would love nothing more than to show her vampire the endless “luxuries” that the event can provide.

Astarion, on the other hand, contemplates if the blunt end of a stake would be less painful than that absolute torture.

Perfect Strangers - f!Tav x Gale, Explicit - Tav goes out for a night of fun with her gal pals and ends up catching the eye of one well known wizard.

Sun, Sand, and Someone I Love - f!Tav x Astarion, Explicit - Astarion and Tav are enjoying their time away from their family for a little rest and relaxation. They discover the wonders of the all-inclusive resort including the fun the beach can provide for the insatiable elven couple.

Sun, Sand, and Someone I Love: Part 2 - Juniper x Cal - The Ancuníns have returned to Sea of Swords Resort and Spa for a vacation but this time, they brought their children. It’s Juniper and Cal’s turn to have some fun in the sun while on their tropical getaway.

Like Fine Wine - f!Tav x Gale - It’s twenty years after they have saved Baldur’s Gate. Tav and Gale are now a happily married couple in Waterdeep, but the wizard deals with some insecurities about himself.

Date Night - f!Tav x Astarion - Astarion has planned something special for Tav since they have a night alone. They spend time reminiscing on their initial feelings towards one another, the good and the bad.

Faerun Fashion Week - Astarion and Faron have been placed together to combine their efforts for one show during Fashion Week. Can the esteemed designers come together or will everything crumble as they realize how different Baldur’s Gate and Waterdeep truly are?

[ltwilliammowett]

Mess Bills and other things related to the Mess

I've already told you about the mess, the smaller groups where the men ate together and each group had a mess cook who changed weekly or monthly to collect the food ration for the meal from the purser and take it to the cook. And later to serve the food to his mess. They also fetched the coffee and sugar for Mass, which was kept together with the crockery in a separate chest, the so-called Mess chest.

The sailor's description of a chase & capture, by  George Cruikshank (1792-1878)  

In addition, the day's provisions were usually distributed during the afternoon watch or early in the morning and were to be witnessed by an officer. Complaints concerning the quality of the food are made at the mess by the mess cook. And meat that is prepared is marked with the respective mess number so that all received their allotted portion.  

There is also the Mess Bill, which was a list kept by the Mess Cook of all the little things that his messmates wanted from the Purser. His name was listed, what he wanted, e.g. tobacco or a shirt, etc. This list was then sent to the mess cook once a month. This list was then given to the purser once a month, who then gave out the items in exchange for money or on a credit basis and noted everything in his book. When it was time to hand it out, it was handed out by the mess cook in the presence of an officer and distributed to the men concerned.

The berth-deck is kept clean by the mess cooks, who are excused from work in their own parts of the ship, except at all hands, and from anchor watch in port. They are also excused from duty in boats, when they can pull a fair oar. At sea, especially when short-handed, they are required to stand night watch.That the men’s meal hours should not be interfered with, excepting in cases of actual necessity, is an old established rule of the service, and a good one. There are few more justifiable causes of discontent than frequent calling away of unnecessary boats at meal time, or prolonging “all hands” work until the crew are sent below to a cold dinner. A little attention to minor matters of this kind will go a long way to securing the satisfied condition among the crew which ensures prompt and cheerful obedience to orders.

[themessaccrual]

fyi

elffyness, islavhenan, and cullenvhenan now go by

greenteabtch, isayashai, and pinayelf

[hournites]

Oh so Cameron’s DELUSIONAL delusional 

[kakashihasibs]

At least she's having fun 🥲

[eebzly]

🦄 thinking about unicorns

[busy-baker]

And the final installment of The Mess is finished!

Tav organizes a night of fun and relaxation for Astarion and Gale after a long week but as usual, things don’t go as planned.

f!Tav x Astarion x Gale

CW: oral, vaginal fingering, spanking, masturbation

Word Count: 2.8k

“What are you doing?” Astarion asked, hopping up to take a seat on the kitchen counter.

His long legs hung over the edge as he leaned on one hand, letting the cropped band tee he was wearing ride up.

You couldn’t help but admire the fine figure that was cut underneath the fabric as you placed down the knife. His faded black jeans hung on his hips and the way his fingers toyed with the rings on his hand, moving so carefully as he watched you drink him in, it was enough to drive you into heat.

“See something you like, darling?” He lounged even further, resting on his elbow across the marble.

“I do, in fact,” you said, biting your lip. You quickly grabbed a dish towel and started swatting him with it. “That was my shirt! You don’t even like t-shirts!”

The vampire held up his arms to stop the attack. He eventually pushed off the counter to his feet, wrapping his arms around yours to keep you from smacking him. He brought his mouth close to your ear, playfully nipping at the it.

“You have to agree, it looks much better now that I’ve gotten my hands on it,” he teased, letting your arms free.

You rolled your eyes and gave him a mhm, going back to your task before you were rudely interrupted.

Astarion patted your bottom before making his way to the wine fridge, popping the cork from a bottle and swigging from it.

“Now will you please tell me what all of this is about.” He gestured his empty hand at the cutting board in front of you.

The thick slab was covered in an assortment of edible delights for your night you had planned with your boys.

There were piles of various chocolate chunks, rows of strawberry roses, crushed cookies, brownie bits, maraschino cherries, and two bowls, one filled with fresh whipped cream and the other with chocolate sauce.

“It’s an ice cream sundae charcuterie board,” you explained, walking around him to the freezer and pulling out the carton of neapolitan ice cream.

You grabbed two bowls from the cupboard and placed them next to the board along with two spoons from the drawer.

“That is…different,” he mused, “And a mouthful.”

“You’re a mouthful,” you shot back, sticking out your tongue.

“You're damn right I am.” Astarion tipped back the bottle with a smirk and once again, you caught yourself staring. He really did make that shirt look so much better.

“Make yourself useful and fetch Gale. I’m surprised he didn’t slip out when he could smell the brownies baking.”

Astarion chuckled as he left for Gale’s residential hiding spot. You set to work scooping servings of ice cream into the bowls. Using your finger, you pushed off the last bit of chocolate and before you could rinse off what remained, a hand caught yours in a firm grip.

“Allow me to get that for you,” Gale said, bringing your finger to his mouth and sucking around the tip. He bit down gently, staring directly into your eyes.

Your eyes widened and heat flooded your cheeks. You watched as he kissed the point of your finger and patted your hand, letting it fall to your side.

You turned to make sure you had everything to enjoy your night lazing around with your lovers. You had already prepared the movie and built a cozy nest out of every pillow and blanket available in your apartment, even though by the end of the night, Astarion would be the one swaddled in every one while you and Gale held on to each other for warmth.

The week, with Astarion booked to the max with clients and Gale readying his students for finals, had been absolutely chaotic. Everyone was almost at each other’s throats and you decided an evening to forget all the stress was just what you all needed. It wouldn’t take away all of their troubles but hopefully it provided some relief.

“This looks wonderful, love!” Gale clapped his hands together. You grinned at his praise, proud of your work.

“Yes, her knife skills are almost as impressive as mine,” Astarion said, sauntering over to pick up a strawberry. He eyed it over between his pale fingers before dipping it into the whipped cream and lifting it to your lips.

You gratefully opened your mouth, biting piece of fruit and chewing, closing your eyes and humming in satisfaction at the sweetness. You felt a trail a it’s juice leak down the corner of your mouth and stuck your tongue out to catch the remnants.

Gale leaned in, capturing your mouth with his. The kiss was slow and steady, entangling your tongues together, letting him taste the lingering strawberry.

He pulled away, swiping his tongue near your cupid’s bow. “There was a bit of cream on your lips.”

You swallowed, that blooming feeling in your stomach beginning to grow. You watched as the vampire, with eyes full of heat and a scheme plotting in his wicked mind, dipped the pad of another finger into the chocolate sauce. He brought it up and swiped it along your jaw.

He turned to the wizard, leaning in to kiss just below his ear.

“You’ve missed a spot, my dear,” he whispered, garnet eyes glancing towards you.

Gale smirked, turning his head to gently graze his lips across Astarion’s and then when he looked back to you, you found yourself already approaching both of them.

“It seems I did. Let’s fix that, shall we?” He cupped your face, tilting your head to one side and dragged his tongue along the stripe.

Shivers went down your spine and a you gasped at the contact. You gripped onto his arms, bunching the fabric between your hands.

“What do you say we really prepare a feast?” Astarion asked. He walked over to the counter, pushing every bit of clutter out of the way. He scooped you up, breaking your kiss from Gale, and placed you on the counter. He flicked two fingers upwards, motioning for you to lift your arms, and he worked at pulling your sundress over your head while you giggled.

With a toss, your outfit was gone and you sat in only your panties atop the cool countertop.

Astarion reached behind him to grab the charcuterie board and putting it down right beside you. He brought a finger to his chin as he studied your body and then set to work. He gave a slight push of your shoulders for you to lay down, a proper canvas for his edible art.

Fine lines of cream and chocolate were drawn across your neck trailing down to your abdomen, two strawberries were placed just above your breasts, and one chunk of milk chocolate was popped into your mouth presumably for remaining still.

The spawn stepped back, grabbing his wine bottle to swig from and admire his work.

“One last thing.” The wizard plucked a cherry from the slab and place it delicately on your panties near your arousal.

“Cheeky,” You replied. You could feel your heart picking up speed as you awaited what they would do next. The anticipation was agonizing as two pairs of eyes combed over your covered skin.

Gale was the first to make a move, bending down and sucking along your neck. You instinctively started to bend your legs and wound your arms around his neck.

Astarion was by your ear in a flash as Gale continued to lap his tongue down your body.

“If the cherry falls, there will be a punishment, darling,” he purred, nibbling at your ear. You turned your head and he captured your mouth in a heated kiss. You moaned on his lips as Gale’s mouth latched onto your nipple, knocking one of the strawberries to the floor.

Your chest lifted, pressing further into Gale’s lips but he soon let go to stand straight. He grasped the vampire’s chin, bringing him in to speak against his plush lips.

“Would you like a taste, Astarion?” He asked huskily, “I didn’t think she could taste better than she already does.”

“I would love a nibble,” Astarion answered, pecking the wizard before putting his full attention back on you.

You were enthralled as the your vampiric lover took the bottle of Merlot he was drinking from and tipped it, pouring the red liquid into your navel until it formed a meniscus.

He dipped down, closing his mouth around it and took in the shot of wine with ease. You thought he was going to repeat the act as he brought the bottle back up but he quickly tilted it, taking some in, and then shifted down towards your thighs.

His eyes met yours expectantly and you nodded, biting your lip.

Teeth sank into your flesh and gentle kisses were placed on your shoulders and across your collarbone by Gale.

The pain melted into overwhelming bliss as the endorphins from the bite coursed though you. Astarion’s hands gripped onto your thigh as he sucked and you felt yourself beginning to lose control.

Your legs were growing wet in between and you were imagining the two men taking over and doing as they please. At this point, they were merely teasing you with this tasting game.

Without thinking, you attempted to clench your legs together to provide relief but instead you ended up making the symbolic cherry tumble down, bouncing its way from the counter to the floor.

Astarion lapped at the two puncture wounds and then lifted his silver curls to shake his head at you with a disappointed expression.

“Bad, bad girl,” he admonished.

Blush crept up over your cheeks as you sat up. The vampire rested himself between your legs and cupped your face with both hands, making you look into his eyes.

Gale’s demanding side was something that didn’t happen often but it definitely made more of an appearance than Astarion’s. Both were fantastic and you enjoyed having them take the reins, but when Astarion decided to dole out a punishment, you knew you would need the rest of the night to regain your energy.

“You dropped the cherry,” Astarion stated, deadly, quietly.

“Yes,” was all you could whisper back.

“And what did I say about that?”

“I…I would be punished.” You were almost breathless at this point. You wished his body was on yours and Gale’s was at the back.

“You are going to sit on this counter and watch. Slip those pretty little fingers into that soaking cunt of yours,” he said, in a low tone “But every time you are dangerously close to the edge, stop. Understand?”

“I do,” you said. He dropped his hands and strolled over to Gale, taking him by surprise and yanking him close to his slender form.

Their mouths moved as one as Astarion’s hands tangled into the wizard’s mane and Gale’s strong arms slipped up under the cropped shirt to wandering along the vampire’s chest.

Your hand found its way into the fabric of your panties, coating itself in the slick that had already formed there. You began to rub delicate, lazy circles as you watched your lovers enjoy each other’s bodies.

They hastily undressed one another in between passionate words and hungry kisses. Their skilled hands caressed their sculpted forms, eliciting involuntary gasps and groans. It was a scene that made the pleasure inside of you grow immensely until you found yourself already so close to your undoing but you heeded Astarion’s words, stopping your movements until the sensation dulled, causing you to whine.

Gale gradually sank to his knees, teasing at the spawn’s nipples on his way down, pressing chaste pecks against each hardened muscle that flexed at his movements, until he was level with the stiff cock already moistened at the tip.

Carmine eyes locked onto yours as the wizard took the shaft in his hand, stroking up and down. You mirrored his movements, two fingers finding your heat and gliding with more vigor this time.

You did not shy away as Astarion continued to look almost into your soul, his lithe fingers holding Gale’s hair and guiding his mouth onto his shaft to bob up and down. You almost lost control again, withdrawing your fingers as Astarion’s head tilted back in ecstasy.

His eyes closed and he held a delicious smile on his face as he pumped into Gale. Groans escaped him as he spilled over and you thought you would come just from the sight of it all.

Astarion brushed his fingers lightly along Gale’s cheek as he swallowed and released himself from the vampire. You were flushed from head to toe and your punishment had you aching to the core. You wanted to be put out of your misery.

“I hope you don’t think that was all for you, my love,” Astarion growled, coming over to you and lifting you from the counter.

You stood with weak legs as he spun you around and pressed his front to your back. He looped his fingers into the sides of your panties and slid them down, letting you step out of them.

His breath tickled the back of your neck as he came back up and you tried to even out your own breathing.

“I’m going to give you five good smacks while Gale uses those wonderful hands of his on you,” he whispers into your ear, “Now be a darling and bend over for me.”

Your face was burning like the hells as he stepped back for you to place your elbows on the counter and display your ass to him. You spread your legs to provide access for Gale, who was already beneath you.

“Open up for me,” he said, sticking his fingers in your mouth to moisten them. You sucked around the two digits, long and slow, releasing them with a pop.

The wizard pressed them into your throbbing cunt and you loudly gasped. You started to grind against his hand, wanting to finally feel bliss but Astarion grabbed your hips and propped you back up firmly.

“Ah, ah, be still and do count for me,” he demanded. “Ready?”

“Yes, please,” you begged.

His hand came down on your bare cheek and you cried out. It stung and would leave a nice, pink print but it sent a shockwave through you as Gale’s fingers thrusted inside of you.

“Count, my love,” he growled.

It took a moment but you found yourself once again. You were already seeing stars.

“One,” you panted.

Another swift smack came down on the other side with the same force as before. You didn’t cry out at this one as it was expected but instead moaned.

“Two.”

He let down the third strike, you called out, with more effort than the previous two and that combined with Gale now rubbing circles on your clit with his fingers hooked inside of you, had your walls clenching and you clawing at the kitchen surface. With anymore strength, you were sure you would have to replace the entire counter from the damage.

“Four,” you whimpered as the next smack hit you. You were trembling from the exertion. You were so very close.

“Last one, my dear,” Astarion consoled, soothing his hand over the marks he had left.

You felt the orgasm inside of you almost at its very peak as the wizard pressed against the swollen bud repeatedly and as soon as Astarion’s final spanking came down on you, you tipped over that edge you were barely hanging on to and your orgasm ripped through your exhausted body.

You screamed out five, your insides pulsing around Gale as you rode out your bliss on his hand. When he noticed you were finished, he removed his fingers and you immediately collapsed into his arms, dazed and overstimulated.

Astarion knelt down in front of both of you and ran his hands over your hair. You sighed and leaned into his palm, letting your head rest on him.

“As much fun as this was, you are quite sticky, sweetheart.” Gale chuckled as his hand struggled to stroke your arm from being coated in sauce and whipped cream.

“Well, maybe next time we should enjoy it with spoons instead of body parts,” you replied with a yawn. You snuggled in closer to the wizard’s chest, ready to tuck in for the rest of the night.

Astarion kissed your cheek and stood up, taking your hands to pull you up with him. You groaned with displeasure but he scooped you up in his arms.

“Let’s get you cleaned up before you drift off on us,” he said.

You were carried off to the bathroom to be scrubbed and pampered by the two men who treasured you most, ice cream sundaes and movie night long forgotten.

You dreaded the amount of cleaning product you would have to choke through to remove the food residue from the counters.

Maybe hiring a maid isn’t such a bad idea, you thought.

[arcxnumvitae]

No way, it couldn't be....but there was no mistaking the one who stood before him with a face so like his own. He'd recognize her anywhere, and course he would. Who could ever forget the face of their own teacher. The traitor.

"You...!" Huaxiu hissed, immediately unsheathing his sword.

Of all the luck... Of course it had to be him, standing there staring her down with so much hate in his gaze, not that she could blame him for it. After all, it was she herself that put it there with her own two hands. Qingshan shut her eyes against the memories that welled up of the blood-splattered ground and her student's screams of agony.

"Yes," she sighed, "it's me."

Huaxiu leveled his sword at her, his glare vicious. "Don't think I'll let our history get in between this match now. And don't think I'm that same confused student you fought back then either. You destroyed all of that yourself."

Reluctantly, she summoned her two swords and watched as Huaxiu's eyes narrowed with rage. Once upon a time the young dragon had stared at her with such respect and care. "...Yes I did."

The consequences of her actions.

Huaxiu: An ancient Red Eye and a servant and enforcer of the gods. Huaxiu has trained in swordplay for millennia under his teacher Qingshan since he was basically first created. He was also taught enchantments by Jianhuren too. Huaxiu took to the sword more than enchantments but he ensured still that he didn’t slack on them even if they didn’t capture his interest the same. Compared often and in many various ways to a graceful flower, Huaxiu’s style of fighting has somehow ended up very pretty despite his no nonsense teacher. Enchanted metal is specifically a weakness for the generally invulnerable (although invulnerability isn’t a thing for the purposes of these fights) Red Eyes as wounds created by it bleed heavily and take long to heal. Granted, both his and Qingshan's weapons are made out of it so the point is kind of moot.

Qingshan: A banished Red Eye, Qingshan is renowned by all for her skill with her butterfly blades and the myriad of other weapons she has trained in over the years. Whereas some of the other dragons trained for duty or casual interest, weapons and practice became a passion for Qingshan. Likewise, she is second only to Jianhuren when it comes to casting various enchantments and curses, however she rarely ever uses them in battle. She’s basically a purist who would rather stick solely to a fight based on weapons. Qingshan has a violent streak and a temper that can flare, which is exploitable but also runs the risk of making her more dangerous when she is angry. If a fight is not an immediate knock out win then she prefers to whittle an opponent down over time either by chipping away at their stamina or basically their health with various cuts here and there until they take their toll.

Note: There will be no instant wound healing that some of the supernatural beings have.

[andguesswhat]

I also think about interviews Armie will give after he's back. But I hope he just never has to talk about any of the DMs and the ridiculous tabloid stories. Pretty sure they're fake, for all the reasons discussed a lot by his fans. I hope he can move on, once the truth is out there, and interviews will be fun and entertaining like before with questions about any of this just off the table. I hate the cringe of those confession sort of interviews like Hugh Grant did. Just ugh no.

Yes, cringe. But the problem is I don't know how they are going to get out of this if not with something like this?

If even your "friends" can't stop talking about it, how can he go on a show and not be confronted. I don't think that would work.

So my thought was that if this is repeated over and over again, even or especially by "friends", it becomes a ridiculous thing (which it is) and they can all "laugh" about it. Haha.

Because let's face it, if people only think about the cannibalism thing, it's not that bad. The problem with why it was taken seriously in any way was all the other stuff that came out too. (And yes, a looot is fake but maybe not everything which I think is part of the problem)

So maybe the good thing about this out-of-place joke from yesterday is that it makes everyone forget everything else. I don't know. 🫤

Once again I realized how little we know and that Armie is just a reflection of who we are and therefore we think we know in all our different ways what is going on and why a "friend" of Luca's did this.

All this Hollywood wrongness is really getting on my nerves once again, so much so that I'd like to leave it all behind.

And then this peachy noodle comes along with the fluffiest cuteness and even though I don't want it, I melt over this gem of a human. 🫠

I hope Armie is proud of his man and that this feeling calms and comforts him. 💙💚

[sanguineterrain]

heyy in case you happen to know I'm looking for this fic buckyxreader enemies to lovers where they both don't like each other but are paired up on a mission get drunk married in Vegas or something and tony asks them to stay low in a motel and pretend to be together for a while till the media calms down and stuff I think there's also a scene where they're both at a event and she hears a few people talking bad about bucky and gets mad whenever people talk about him as the winter soldier

Hey there nonnie, that sounds like my fic The Mess! You can read it here ❤️

[royalpain16]

For just $6k you can look just like Meghan of Montecito

[navelgazed]

Let's play 'making shitty hot takes speculating about other people's identities'

Yes 'body's gender' is a bullshit phrase. Also, let's say you are a cis headmate in a body that was assigned your gender at birth but has since transitioned; does that make you trans but to the body's agab?? Or, perhaps, you can just be a cis headmate in a body that doesn't match your gender, but choose not to opt in to a trans label.

Anyway do not reblog this I just wanted to real quick point out that other people's identities should be left out of stupid hot takes, because it ends up playing no-nuance games with people's actual self-identification.

[broadwayfangirl222]

Not on TikTok often but I heard this audio I had to make this edit with it. Here's a link to the original

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman