#the Loki fandom can be fucking exhausting sometimes

[mischiefprincess]

I have so many thoughts about Mobius, I absolutely HATE the way he treats Loki in various moments of s1, the way he tries to manipulate him and use him for the tva's mission, and he has the audacity to feel betrayed by Loki when he runs after sylvie and leaves him behind in s1e2???

Sir you KIDNAPPED LOKI AND ERASED HIS ENTIRE REALITY, MENTALLY TORTURED HIM WITH FOOTAGE FROM HIS TRAGIC FUTURE, COERCED HIM INTO WORKING FOR YOU UNDER THE THREAT OF BEING ERASED FROM REALITY IF HE DIDN'T COMPLY AND YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE MAD AT HIM FOR TRYING TO ESCAPE???

What he does after is even worse, I could NEVER accept him putting Loki into a torture loop to be kicked in the balls and to hear Sif telling him that he deserves to be alone and he always will be, the worse part imo is that a lot of lokius fans seem to think this is cute and a show of Mobius's feelings towards Loki, what the hell???

First off he doesn't have the right to be mad at Loki, second, torturing someone like that is absolutely fucking VILE and I don't care that people think it's cute or funny

BUT

I blame those disgusting actions more on the directing of s1 who was very keen in humiliating Loki at any given moment than in the character of Mobius itself, I ADORE Mobius in s2 bc he is sweet, caring and understanding of Loki, he truly is a good friend and I love their dynamic in it, I don't know what Kate Herron had against Loki but she truly tried her best to diminish and humiliate him whenever she could, every character is annoyed by Loki in s1 and he's treated like a fucking idiot, thankfully that was changed in s2 and he was finally treated with respect and dignity

Btw I should say that I appreciate lokius very much and I think they're cute together but pls stop with the crap, Mobius's "jealousy" isn't cute or funny, he literally abuses Loki just bc he can and Loki never gets a proper apology for that, Mobius apologizes to sylvie but never to Loki (KH when I find you...), again I blame this on the directing and writing of s1 and I don't think s2 Mobius would've done all that to Loki bc he's a different character in it

[bardicious]

My forever problem with the Marvel fandom and the Marvel movie creators is this unbelievably gratuitous inclination of victim blaming.

I know fuck all about many of the other characters, but if their “fanbase” is anything like Loki’s than I’m sure those characters too are viewed under this judgmental lens.

I’ve seen Loki being accused of “making his own bed” with Thanos by the IW & EG writers and directors. I’ve seen fans of the Loki series literally say Loki wasn’t born with a “good” heart, whatever the hell that means - sure as fuck means nothing in reality. And then we have the litany of fans who just can’t excuse his actions or say they love him but he’s still bad^tm. When in reality he’s just as bad as any of the heroes.

I’ve seen writers condemn Loki with torture, slavery, death, etc whether he was influenced in their fic or not. But the really galling one is when he’s influenced + mind controlled, and still somehow is deserving of punishment. And the punishment is dealt out by a hero of all things! The hero is usually cruel, crueler than even Loki’s actions in canon. And it’s shown as the right moral way.

Mind you, write what you want and maybe some people don’t even mean to make it sound like they’re villainizing Loki - sometimes it’s the opposite and the heroes are being villainized. Maybe people dont mean to insinuate that cruel and unusual punishment is valid as long as the criminal is a “monster”.

And hell, I can even get using Loki as a medium for your anger (but I imagine we see the character WAY different)

But there’s something about the combination of Marvel even encouraging this view of Loki that pisses me off to everything else? Like Loki simply isn’t the villain fans make him out to be, this is just fact - I don’t really care if you can see it or not, it’s true. You could still not like him, sure. Still write whatever the hell you want. But Loki will never be this one dimensional H*tler like figure.

I don’t know, I’m just a bit frustrated is all. I’ve been wanting to read some Loki fic for a while now. And the idea of wading through all the people who have this completely opposite perspective of him is exhausting. -.-”

[ohhhmyloki]

I personally feel the series was about accepting yourself, loving yourself, seeing past your own bullshit and growing as a person. It's evident on Loki's face when he sees himselves descend into fighting. Hell I regularly do that to myself, replay things I've said or done in my head and judge myself hardcore. Anyone and everyone should be afforded the right to realise and grow. I sure as hell think if I could see myself from the outside, I'd give me a hug, I'd kiss me, I'd try to comfort me, I'd try to tell myself if I was making a bad choice. I've been in the whole I hate myself phase, I want revenge, I want justice and it's exhausting. What I only ever really wanted was a hug, and for someone to tell me it's okay and I couldn't tell myself that for a long time. No one else was going to tell me, I had to tell myself, which is what I think Loki was trying to do. By no means is he done growing, we all evolve over time but in dealing with his other selves he's gained valuable perspective. It's like getting to actively influence yourself in hindsight. It's so beautiful and personal and a journey I can definitely sympathise with. I think a lot of other people can too.

Ooooh I think you hit the nail on the head, @gabrielreyesisdead. I've been through my own journey of self-acceptance, and I resonate deeply with Loki's struggle, as represented by all his variants.

Sometimes (most of the time) we come out of childhood programmed to beleive we're meant to be a certain way...the way our parents and/or communities expect us to be based upon what best serves them (as in, conform to their narrative and play whatever part they want us to play). It takes many trials, failures, and self-confrontations to break free of those narratives--especially because the people who pigeon-holed us in the first place don't want us breaking free. The process also takes a lot self-compassion, self-trust, and self-forgiveness. Loki is grappling with all of this.

For him, this takes a very meta hero vs. villain, free will vs. control, fandom vs. creator angle that makes me wana squeal with delight.

Ooooh LAWD, the layers of this show! The depth! The sheer fucking cleverness!

Anyway, Loki has really only just begun this healing process, and I am SO eager to see what developments his character goes thru in season two as he settles into his new narrative--and what transformations are initiated in the Marvel universe through challenging the structures of storytelling/cinema like this.

Thanks for the ask!

[all0nsyidjits]

Guess I'm going to out myself here just a bit. I'm a Lokean. In fact I'm a Godspouse have been since July of 2011. I came to realize who the imaginary friend I had as a kid who never really went away was via pop culture. Before you roll your eyes and dismiss me as a Marvel Loki fangirl let me explain. I didn't fall in love with Tom Hiddleston or his version of Loki. In fact a whole other fandom brought me to Loki. See I'm a fan of the show Supernatural and a favorite character was Gabriel who starts off as the Trickster then it is revealed that he is really the archangel Gabriel who skipped out of heaven and hid his true identity by pretending to be a trickster god, Loki to be exact. I wanted to write a fanfiction about Gabriel's time posing as Loki but I knew shit all about Norse mythology aside from the names of some of the Gods and Godessess. So I started researching and reading the lore and by accident stumbled across a few Lokean blogs. Shortly after Loki showed up and I proceeded to start to question my sanity. I'd gotten into Wicca in my early teens so I had some concept of Pagan deities and all things woo. Still having a god show up and just want to hang out and talk freaked me right the heck out. When he started flirting I was sure I'd completely lost my shit. Slowly he calmed me down and earned my trust. I found others who had been His for a long time and they helped me navigate this new relationship.

Then the Thor movies came out and suddenly everytime I went online there was a new Lokean Godspouse. Loki is not one to waste free PR I guess. I stayed active in the community for awhile but then the cattiness of some in the community made me decide to go solitary. Years passed I rarely missed the community. Loki and I just did our own thing. Sometimes Loki would be gone for some pretty long stretches. Still he was here and things were good.

Then 2020 happened. Look in all honesty I can be a bit of an introvert. I tend to withdraw from people if I sense to much conflict or tension. It's not so much my true nature but more a trauma response to withdraw. My childhood was well complicated. But I'm getting off track here what I mean to say is 2020 was a really shitty year for me and my family. In June I cought Covid 19 I never got all that sick, but the body aches and fatigue never quite went away. Then at the end of July my husband who is diabetic and has neuropathy stepped on a tac and ended up with MRSA. He nearly lost his foot and could have died. He was hospitalized for a month and out of work for three. I worked myself to a frazzle. At one point I had three jobs and was on the clock for 23 hours and 45 minutes one day. I was headed for a breakdown. My husband physically seemed to be on the mend, but his personality was no longer the kind, easygoing affectionate, man I had known for nearly twenty years. Then came the suicide attempt. Like I said it's been a rough since about this time last year.

When my husband made the suicide attempt Loki showed back up worried about both of us. Loki and my mortal husband know about each other. They like each other so please nobody suggest that Loki is trying to get rid of my mortal husband. When we married the priestess who married us was well aware that Loki was part of the ceremony and that I was marrying the both of them. We've been happily married and Loki always felt like I would be okay during his absences because I had someone else that he trusted there with me.

At first Loki tried to be my distraction from all the stress, he's really good at that. Then Loki started to worry I worried about mortal hubby and Loki worried about me. Many pleas to slow down before I had a breakdown too and Loki finally put his foot down I had to learn to say no and I had to take care of me if I was going to take care of anybody else. Finally the tears and the exhaustion came after my husband told a lie that made me look like a very bad person. My mother-in-law went off on me I had been up for three days with only about four hours sleep and those weren't even consecutive hours and I was reduced to a sobbing mess. Like so many times before Loki was there to catch me He let me cry, He let me rage, when the worst had passed I looked at Him.

"So I guess being the God of change you're going to tell me to throw away twenty years of my life and file for divorce." I asked.

"Oh you think you know me so well Little One." Even at a such a solemn moment Loki can't resist using an old nickname from back in my childhood when he was the imaginary friend who took me on wild adventures far away from whatever was going on at home at the time. It had went from term of affection for a child he had chosen to protect to a teasing dig at my 5'3 height compared to well all of Them.

"Well aren't you?" I asked.

"Little one besides being the God of Change what else am I?" I start to rattle off titles and associations.

No let me rephrase that Little One who am I married to who are my Wives his voice somehow conveying the capital W that lets me know it is Sigyn and Angrboda he speaks of.

"Sigyn and Angrboda" I say.

And what Little one is my precious Sigyn the Goddess of?

Fidelity I answer and then it hits me She had stuck by Him through far worse.

So I'm here I'm staying but there are days when I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone human.

This year has been hard the isolation brought on by Covid 19 precautions is wearing on everyone in one way or another I think. Add to that the fact that I live in a very rural, very Conservative Christian area where I have to hide my witchy ways. Knowing full well just how many people in my life would utterly abandon me if they knew about Loki and my true beliefs. I can't talk about Him to well anyone besides my oldest and there are things about being a godspouse you wouldn't want to discuss with your kid. I used to have my husband but now talking to him about the most mundane things is a cross between walking on eggshells and navigating a mine field. I got lonely, really lonely.

Against my better judgement I decided to dip my toe back into the Lokean Community after walking away from all the groups, blogs, message boards ect in about 2013. So about 7 years as a solitary Lokean witch and I was ready to test the waters again.

I found a Lokean on social media (I don't want to draw any negative attention to this person because they are doing a fantastic job with what they are doing) so much of what they were saying resonated with me and I wanted to talk. Hey maybe I could make a friend. I commented maybe a bit too much. I meant no harm I was just excited to talk to someone after so long keeping it all to myself. Well that went spectacularly wrong and I ended up with someone who I'm pretty sure thinks of me as a rival or an enemy now. Loki being Loki was quick to remind me that my ramblings don't offend everyone. I had commented on a completely unrelated post about Him a few days earlier and within hours of the well I fucked up incident I'm reading a post by someone thanking me for talking about how I experience Loki because it resonated with them an affirmed a few things.

Then Loki was like I want you to start talking about me. I want you to rejoin the community. I was like oh hell to the no. Well you can see who won that argument. So here I am hoping I don't come to regret this.

[iamanartichoke]

This is neither eloquent nor organized. I’m very frustrated and I just need to get things off my chest. 

Please do not reblog this post. 

Cut for anti-Ragnarok discourse, pro-Ragnarok discourse, the Ragnarok discourse war, mention of Thorki, and general venting. 

I’m not using tags bc I don’t want this post to show up in them. Very sorry and if any of these things is one of your blacklists, please keep scrolling.

Yesterday, I read a fic.

I was wandering through some of the Thorki content on twitter, and followed a link to one of the big bang fics, bc it was a human AU and das my jam.

I didn’t recognize the author’s name. The fic was extremely well-written, though: lots of feels, beautiful narration, a sweet ending balanced with a lot of sadness. It was one of those fics that gave me a lump in my throat.

I was only going to leave kudos, but then I figured I’d take the extra five seconds and leave a comment, bc we all know how much authors like comments. I mean, I’d rather someone leave a comment than kudos, especially if the fic really affected them.I get it and I gotchu, fam. 

Anyway, so I left a comment and proceeded to click on the author’s profile to see what else they’ve written. As you do.

I recognized their AO3 icon, even though I didn’t recognize the name. I’d seen them around on some Ragnarok wank on tumblr. I went to double-check, and it was the same user, and also they’d blocked me.

I do not know this person. I have never spoken to this person. Yet they’ve gone out of their way to block me, most likely bc I associate with the anti-Ragnarok crowd. This happens to me a lot. I’ve even had a couple of former mutuals unfollow and block me (without saying anything to me) and those felt like punches to the gut.

I understand not wanting to see content that you don’t like or that upsets you. Everyone has the right to block whomever they wish. But I can’t deny that getting blocked like that – by someone I don’t know, let alone interact with – fucking hurts. I know it’s not that deep but I can admit it. It’s a shitty feeling and it’s hard not to take it personally.

It’s not really about this particular person at all, although it’s a shame bc they’re a good writer I probably would have followed otherwise. But this entire anti/pro Ragnarok war has gone so far and it’s exhausting. I stayed pretty neutral for as long as I could. 

And here’s the thing. My observations, both from being neutral and also being someone who, despite often being quietly blocked, tends to fly under the radar are this:

The majority of the negativity comes from the pro side.

Look, I side with and agree with the anti side on this one. I can admit, however, that sometimes it gets tiresome to see posts get turned into Ragnarok criticism or tiresome to see more posts on my dash about this that or another thing that sucks about Ragnarok and why. It, like anything, can be tiring.

But I also see that the anti side largely does its best to keep to itself. The pro side complained about the Ragnarok tags, so the anti side made an anti tag, and the pros still come into it to complain. The anti side will post their discussions and criticisms and they largely just circulate within the same group of people. The discussions are almost always criticisms on the source material (ie, the film) and not about anyone who enjoys it.

Now, maybe I don’t see everything. Though I don’t think I’m biased just bc I agree with the anti side – in fact, it was these attributes that made me take a closer look at what they were saying bc maybe they had a point after all. I don’t follow every anti Ragnarok user, but I do follow a lot. I can’t say personal attacks and whatever never happen - but, I hardly ever see them.

That’s not the case with the pro side. I don’t think I follow many from that side, but I see so much negativity from them. It’s like this kind of underhanded negativity that I’m not quite sure how to explain. It’s tonal negativity. 

I mean, sometimes it’s blatant. Name-calling (Loki stans, lackeys, pathetic, delusional, and racist come to mind) is an example. But more than that, there’s this collective tone among the pro side that smacks of condescension and I can’t stand it.

They make fun of the “dissertations” that have been written.

They always include an “lol” or laugh emoji or something to express that they’re not the ones taking this seriously.

They fall back on saying they don’t care about a two-year-old movie.

They’re laughing and making fun and at the same time acting like they’re so above it all.

They want us to just shut up already.

What it comes down to is this: it’s not just a matter of being able to agree to disagree because the pro side actively acts offended that the antis are even having these critical discussions, even if the antis have gone out of their way to not involve the rest of the fandom at all.

(Again, this is not every pro person, but the majority. Tone does matter online, and the overall tone of the pro side is not positive. I say this from a mostly neutral place.)

And here’s a thing about “oh my god, it came out two years ago, get over it!” Yeah, it came out two years ago. So fucking what? You guys are still engaging with it, via fics and headcanons and art. How old the movie is doesn’t matter when you’re having fun with it, but when someone wants to engage with it in a (valid) critical way that you don’t like? No. That’s unacceptable. That’s pathetic. That’s being a lackey. Get over it.

Even writing this, I know that things are much worse for others than they are for me. I get stealth blocked; others are called out by name in public posts, receive anon hate, and are actively targeted.

It’s just, this shit is so fucking toxic to this fandom and it honestly needs to stop. Both sides need to not only stop engaging one another, but also stop acknowledging one another. We get it: you either like the movie or you don’t.

Let people do their own thing. Don’t be fucking obnoxious. If you disagree and genuinely want to talk about it, then try to remember there’s a person on the other side of the screen and be civil. If you disagree and don’t want to talk about it, then just fucking don’t.

If you see a post you disagree with, scroll past. And, yes, block the person if you need to (and sometimes it might be me that needs blocking and I recognize my hurt feelings are my own personal problem, not whoever else’s).

There are a lot of movies in the MCU that are not perfect. (Btw, it baffles me a little to get hated on for my stance on Ragnarok, when I am so much more vocal [and emotionally invested] in hating the Russos and IW/Endgame – but, whatever.) There are a lot of interpretations of characters that are different. There are a lot of people who project their own identity or issues or whatever onto any particular character that resonates (and that’s okay!) and there are a lot of people who don’t project but still identify with a particular character (and that’s okay, too).

Stop judging whether someone is a “real” fan of a character/franchise or not. Just because someone isn’t engaging with the source material in the way you are, and just because they don’t see it in the same way that you do, does not make them wrong. (Yes, this applies to the pro side, too. None of them are wrong or less valid for enjoying and even stanning the movie.) It doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else here. 

Acting otherwise is honestly going to kill this fandom. Because it bleeds over. Fics will have less readers, bc they don’t want to interact with something posted by someone they dislike (or who blocked them). There’s less sharing of things like art and headcanons and content. People unfollow and block each other, people are having to watch what they say, people are losing friends (and potential friends) bc they may be a great person but they don’t agree with you about fucking Ragnarok.

I came to tumblr bc it was the only place where not only could I find other people who loved Loki as much as I did, but it was the only place where I could express that. Express it in fic, in headcanons, in meta. Being creative and starting dialogues and just interacting. I wish we could get that vibe back.

I wish none of this bothered me so much.

[lifblogs]

Title: Just For a Moment

Summary: Anne struggles to get through the day; with her eating disorders, her depression, her post-traumatic stress, and her personality disorder trying to hold her down.

Word Count: 1870

A/N: I would love, love, love to put a keep reading, but my laptop is a useless creation of science, so that won’t be possible. Just going to tag it as #long post.

WARNINGS: eating disorder mentions, self-harm mentions, minor self-harm, suicidal thoughts, violent thoughts, violent urges, implied miscarriage, unhealthy behavior

oOoOo

Anne has the urge to swear when she hears her alarm go off, but she’s too tired for her lips to move. She rolls over, the warmth and fur of her cat resting against her head. He grunts in protest and whacks her with his tail. Reaching around, Anne finally finds her phone, and taps mindlessly at the screen till the alarm stops.

She drops the phone on the floor.

Finally.

Now her cat is up. His name is Loki, but she’s taken to calling him Little Prince — it’s what he responds to at dinner time. Little Prince is pacing in circles about the pillow he’s claimed, legs and feet carelessly bumping into Anne’s head. He meows, voice a yell.

“Hi, Little Prince,” Anne mutters, though she doesn’t want to take the energy to get up.

Little Prince settles down, meowing, and cooing, and purring, and he gives Anne kisses that leave her cheeks wet.

She still considers drifting off to sleep.

But she has classes today: physics, calculus, Chinese, a bit of English, and then there’s work. Ugh. Recently she got swindled by her newest client, but she’ll still get over a hundred bucks out of them, so she’ll finish the job and fucking move on.

Thinking about it makes her want to stay in bed. There’s a heavy, dark feeling in her chest.

She thinks about physics. She’s no good at it.

Calculus? Too hard.

Chinese. Her family tells her to drop it and that the world won’t give a shit.

English. She took it because it was easy.

It would be easier to stay in bed all day. Much easier. Anne could just lie there, and sleep, or read, maybe play some games on her phone. She can just stay there with Little Prince all day.

The more she thinks about it, and the more hurt by the world she feels, this idea really begins to sink in. She wouldn’t have to stop her crying about derivatives and intervals, and she wouldn’t have to sit there with the same damn thermodynamics problem about ice, and she wouldn’t have to stop getting confused by the differences of mā, má, mǎ, and mà. And she wouldn’t have to read that stupid article about publishing sectors.

Anne could close her door. Ignore her family. Her head tells her to break all ties with them, to yell that she hates them.

Does she?

Her head says yes, yes, yes.

But it just hurts and feels so wrong.

At least in bed she wouldn’t go to her brother and say something stupid. At least in bed she wouldn’t be doing any serious harm to herself, right?

She wouldn’t be cutting, she wouldn’t be thinking of running away, she wouldn’t punch a wall (probably), she wouldn’t try to sell nudes, wouldn’t find a stupid, trashy guy to hook up with.

So it was better.

Right?

Anne knew her brother would yell at her about food.

But who gave a shit?

Staying in bed all day meant she got to stay out of the kitchen. Even now, thinking about a potential breakfast sends her stomach into heated knots of anxiety, and her shoulders and neck tense.

God, what would she even have for breakfast? She didn’t fucking want anything. She wasn’t hungry. The food wasn’t good. No food was good. If someone could go up to her right now and convince her that one dish was good, she’d marry them on the spot. But that won’t happen, and all food is basically garbage. It’s a waste. Her time could be spent doing something else. Every day it was eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep. And only the sleep part sounded kind of nice (when she wasn’t having nightmares).

Eating. That was a living nightmare.

Her family called her picky. They didn’t even try to get food that she sometimes liked. And they wouldn’t let her eat her own portions.

Hmm…

Maybe if she locked herself in her room with her cat she wouldn’t have to eat all day. Not at all. Besides, she could feel the fat clinging to her body like extra packaging. She felt like a kid crammed into too many winter coats at once. Oh, to shed them off. To just be! That would be spectacular.

And to shed that she has to stay in bed all day, and continue hating food. Easy enough. Preparing food is stupid. The process of eating food is exhausting. And then the hate and guilt afterwards isn’t worth it. And it’s not worth the extra attention it draws to her body. She’s sure everyone can see it. How can they not? Her thighs are too jiggly; her calves are soft, ugly lumps that could do with some thinning; her biceps are puffs of fat; her hips carry weight like a fucking fannypack; and her stomach is too round, jutting out from whatever she wears.

Basically… her body’s a mess.

And that’s not the only mess of it. She should get up, take her medicine.

But punching a wall, tearing apart her headphones, and breaking up with her boyfriend is starting to sound like an increasingly good idea.

God, her boyfriend. She has to actually fucking talk to him, connect with him, put time into something temporary, something part of her would be more than happy to run away from.

She loves him.

She hates him.

Telling him he’s the worst thing to ever happen to her would do it, right? She’d never have to talk to him again? Never have to hold on to a connection that would break away and die either way?

Anne resists the urge to grab her phone.

She eventually does, and she just stares at the homescreen.

One-hundred-thirty-seven notifications from social media. Friends, fandom… She doesn’t want to respond, doesn’t want to talk to them. And she hasn’t for days. It’s just easier not to. She at least opens up the apps and clears the notifications. This way Anne can pretend that those people aren’t there, that they don’t exist.

But then, she smacks her thigh with her phone, feeling the keen sting. She does it again and again, until Little Prince urgently wraps himself about her, weirdly-strong tail around her neck. He’s purring. He’s kissing her.

Anne holds him close.

“Hey, dude, you getting up?”

Her brother.

Fuck.

Anne just grunts, hoping that’ll get him to leave her alone.

She loves her brother. He’s her best friend. But right now, when he comes to stand in Anne’s bedroom doorway all parent-like, she wants to scream and throw her phone at him. She’s tense from resisting.

A conversation Anne barely pays attention to ensues, and she drags herself out of bed. The temporary vision loss that follows is nothing new. Neither is the light-headedness, nor the headache, or the weak feeling in her legs, or the ache across her shoulders, the wheeze in her lungs.

Just another day in the life of Anne.

Fuck.

She goes through her morning routine, hating every second of it. She broke a few pills instead of getting herself to take them. But who cares, right? She’s not even on the right medicine to make her feel like a real person.

Anne finally looks in her drawers, and in her closet. Standing there, before all her clothes, she feels so vulnerable. With each article of clothing her eyes land on she assesses what bad quality it would cover up, and which it might make obvious. Sometimes the perfect outfit doesn’t exist, and sacrifices have to be made. But not today. Today she just stares and stares and feels completely empty, while her mind wanders to a celebrity’s wife that she’s a fan of.

God, she’s not just into the wife, but she likes her as a person, admires her. The night before she’d gone through her Instagram, and fan accounts for an hour.

Anne feels like her.

She picks out an outfit she thinks the wife might wear. She cries at the state of her body, which is being efficiently ruined with her recent reproductive health issue. She holds her lower abdomen and cries at the emptiness.

Wash your face, she tells herself. Get the fuck over it. You’re pathetic, and weak. No wonder your family hates you.

She tenses, curled in on herself, breath held as she thinks of her extended family. It’s as if somebody has suddenly punched her in the chest with brass knuckles.

Anne burns inside. In her head, she’s killing them. She’s brutalizing them, tearing them apart, screaming at them because they were evil bitches and they didn’t deserve to live.

Little Prince rolls over, demanding tummy kisses, and it passes.

After viciously brushing her hair, Anne lies back down with Little Prince, and smothers him in kisses. He needs her. She needs him.

Anne cries her last tears into his white, kitten-soft fur, and they hold each other until she’s ready to start the day, until her little boy knows she’s alright.

Time for breakfast.

She hates all the food they have. So Anne just sits down at the table and stares at her placemat till her brother finally decides to make pancakes.

Anne stops herself from throwing her plate at the wall. Little Prince brushes against her legs. Pancakes will do.

Beside her, her phone dings, dings, DINGS with notifications that will not be read.

The world would be better without all those people talking to her. But getting rid of them would be too much work. So, as she smells the pancakes start to cook on the pan, her stomach turning from the thought of having anything in her mouth, she thinks it’d just be easier to get rid of herself.

For now, all she can do is not eat. That would lessen herself, her physical presence, take all the weight off.

But then why does she still want to smash the hot pan into a cabinet? Why does she want to snap her laptop in half? Why does she sit there and start hitting herself with her phone, making it look like innocent tapping?

Why…?

Anne doesn’t know.

Her brother calls her name.

But it’s not her name. Not really. Anne isn’t her. Not inside. Inside, she’s nothing.

The pancakes sizzle, her phone dings, Little Prince yells, and she just sits there and sits there, holding it all in.

She makes it through one second, and then the next, all in her head thinking what that celebrity’s wife would do. That’s the right way to be, clearly… that other person. Who else would she try to emulate? Sure, it changed day by day, but today, she is hurting as she thinks of that woman and tries to be herself.

Ha! Be herself. What a joke. And not even one with a good punchline.

Anne’s brother asks her to set the table, and somehow, she gets up. She feels the soft dress against her skin; the nice, cool marble floor beneath her bare feet. The pancakes are nearly ready, and they actually smell good. Her brother smiles at her.

Anne smiles back, and somehow, despite it all, she feels it. Just for a moment, there’s peace.

[3intheam]

Writers as Marvel Characters

Steve Rogers: Diligent. Politically, scientifically, anatomically, emotionally correct. Posts on time. Sticks to the schedule and their own well-mapped-out-and-classic-plot. Actually enjoys constructive criticism because it will help them improve but has been known to reply with, “Well, actually...” Always trying to help. He could do this all day. Annoying but has good intentions. 

Bucky Barnes: A writing machine in Winter Mission Mode when a plot idea takes over their minds. In between missions they are lost and shopping for plums in a Romanian farmer’s market. Has moments where they can’t remember how to write themselves out of writostasis. Easily triggered by words. Eternal Internal Screaming. Made a grave mistake letting Steve Rogers beta their stories. Might be a mess. Might need rehab. 

Tony Stark: Intelligent and knows it. Clearly educated, knows synonyms and metaphors without needing to look them up. Writes elaborate, scientifically correct stories. Reads up on thermonuclear physics just for fun research. Has an explanation for literally everything. Has a literary device for every plot hole. Obnoxious but when you need to read something reliably good, they deliver. Exhausted by constantly trying to prove and improve themselves. Sometimes forgets how to human. Wants to give advice that nobody asked for. Hard to like until you get to know them. Is a little lonely maybe.

Peter Parker: New kid on the scene. Wants to be liked. Writes A LOT. Posts A LOT. Wants A LOT of comments. Uses a lot of =))))))))) in the writer notes. Latches onto senior writers and wants to be in a clique. Often shoot their loads prematurely. Frequently gets some very good plot ideas but currently lacking the perfect execution. Unsure if wants to be a serial fluff writer or tackle more serious and mature concepts. Gets stuck in their own web of plot holes but tries very hard. 

Loki: Professional shit-stirrer of the fandom. You’re never sure if they’re your friend or not. Spends more time being contrary than actually writing. Sometimes leaves stories with cliffhangers that never reach a conclusion. Deliberately writes NOTPs just for fun. Needs constant validation from an audience. Is actually quite talented if they bothered to focus their energy on writing and not bickering. Just wants to be liked (on the down low.) 

Wanda Maximoff: Might be a hack. Might be a genius. Has tapped into The Power of Knowledge but doesn’t actually know how to harness it into a coherent story. Flashes of brilliance followed swiftly by flashes of despair and self-loathing. Powerful but poor discipline. Likely to destroy and delete their stories on a whim because some words don’t look right or their aim was slightly off that day. Notorious for abandoning ideas and leaving a trail of incomplete stories in their wake. 

Thanos: Trigger Warning-Character Death. A total sadist. The writers you get a little worried about. 

Peter Quill: Hilarious. Jokes every two sentences. Pop culture references and always puts soundtrack links in their author notes. A gift for natural dialogue and conversations. Doesn’t get taken seriously because of the lack of drama in their stories but secretly writing humour in order to deal with underlying traumas of their past. One day will write a heartbreaking story and play it off as a joke. 

Wade Wilson: PWP Crack writers. R-rated. Anatomically graphic. Sometimes the realism is a touch too real. 50% hilarious. 50% makes-you-uncomfortable. Might have emotional range and depth but often chooses not to show it. Probably mentions pizza, beer and mexican food in their stories. A Good Bro but needs a Mute-Button and thesaurus sometimes. More famous for their personality than actual writing. 

Natasha Romanoff: Better than you and you both know it. Gives off an air of superiority. Super clique-y but they also keep themselves at a distance. Good at literally every genre and writing style. Leaves no plot holes behind, ever. All stories are clean headshots with neat conclusions. Their plot twists have plot twists. Either they’ve done extensive research or they’ve actually been an assassin. The type of author you’re intimidated by and too scared to talk to. 

Thor: Never Say Die Writers. Hammers out story after story. Will write themselves to God Status, no matter what it takes. Will shed blood, sweat, tears, an eye, a sibling...to achieve their goals. Honourable and respects other writers. They’ve got hustle and you can’t help but like them. 

T’Challa: Feels heavily burdened by the Fandom Crown after writing one of the most badass Iconic stories of the century. Fucks off to Wakanda so you never hear from them again. It would take a Fandom Apocalypse to get them to come back. Constructs sentences so advanced that it makes you want to retire from your own writing. Infuriatingly cool. Is benevolent but doesn’t need hits and comments for validation. Gets them anyway, without even trying. 

Stephen Strange: A literal wizard at world building. Known for their elaborate plots and multi-tiered-multi-character-multi-chapter stories. Cradle-To-The-Grave-type writers. Doesn’t believe in One-Shots. One-Shots are for the weak. Way too indulgent with language and minute details. Probably knows Latin. Often competes with Tony Stark writers for title of “Most Obnoxiously Complex Story Ever”. Frequently exhausting. Takes writing a little too seriously. Annoying but worth it.  

Bruce Banner: Dramatic. The definition of “well that escalated quickly”. Will start off writing an endearingly small and clever story but all hell breaks loose by chapter three. Suddenly there is a lot of shouting and misunderstandings and chapters that read like glorified keyboard smashes. Everyone suffers. You don’t know what happened. Nobody knows what happened. Not even the writer. PTSD. 

Clint Barton: 90% Sarcasm. 10% Plot. The master of the One-Shot because that’s all they need. Doesn’t believe in time wasting, indulgent flowery language and poetic confessions. Writes to get it out of their system so they can go back to their actual real lives. Secretly eye-rolls at Stephen Strange writers but also awed by them. Doesn’t know what a beta is. 

Groot: The Holy Grail Of All Writers. Straight up literature. Can condense an entire paragraph into three words. Will write devastation and break your heart within the first five lines. Understands language in a way that most mere mortals can’t hope to achieve in one lifetime. The writer you bookmark and remember. Fandom famous. Universally loved. 

Part II

[lucifers-trash-stash]

Can I ask you something personal? Have you ever felt bad for liking Thanos? My personal experience especially on Tumblr is to stay far, far away from the Loki (apologist) fandom. It feels ridiculous saying this as a grown woman, but they've come uncomfortably close to ruining the character for me, making me in return despise Loki & his fandom with a passion, which both sickens and saddens me 1/2

because I used to like Loki back then and he's one of the reasons why I became interested in the MCU. Tom Hiddleston is also part of the problem since he's more or less lost the professional distance to the character and keeps trying to paint Loki as a victim, which is like adding oil to the already big fucking fire. 2/2  

I think when it comes to fandom it’s a very valid thing to get burned out by it as a whole even if there are aspects of the fandom you’re a part of that you really like. I can’t exactly speak for the Loki fandom because I’m only a casual Loki fan but I completely get what you’re trying to say. I’ve been a part of fandoms that have utterly exhausted me with the number of hate messages from people outside of the fandom saying we’re terrible and other really vile accusations for liking a villain character and even infighting with other people in the fandom or just drama in general. Fandom can be a lovely amazing experience where you meet awesome people, and it can also be a shit show. I think part of it is doing your best to curate your experience to only following blogs that have similar ideas to yours and if other people are making u feel like shit then unfollow or block them.

As for Thanos, I’ve certainly felt bad at times for liking him simply because at the time of the Infinity War/Endgame movies there was so much hate for him and people who were going around saying if you liked Thanos then you supported abusers or other stuff like that. When in actuality I’ve never met a Thanos fan that has excused his actions to any degree. I hardly see any Thanos discourse anymore mostly because, as the internet does, it forgets and moves onto the next thing to go after. Not saying people can’t critique things or not like them, but sometimes it seems like some of these “antis” just like to cause shit just because they can. In the end, they’re like trolls, you have to ignore them or else it’ll drive you up the wall. I know it’s easier said than done (as someone who constantly stews over everything) but it really does help to just block those people so you don’t have to see them. They’re never going to change their minds about how they feel so it’s not worth the stress and aggravation of being upset with them. Hope that helped anon!

[amethyst-noir]

After Endgame, Stephen is off to go willingly embrace the sweet release of death after the traumatising experience he’s had in the two damn movies he’s appeared in. Seriously, he’s only been in two movies and has gone through enough torture to fill an entire timeline.

The first one came in exactly 9 minutes before that.

This is a conspiracy to break me and my fragile nerves, right? Because I really don’t know what else it could be. Or are you trying to motivate me to write a 100.000k novel about just how broken and in need of saving one Doctor Stephen Strange really is? Because I’d love to do that, really, but I’m not built for long novels. Love to read them, can’t write them, unfortunately

Let’s go into the first message here, the other one deserves its own answer. (Probably tomorrow. Not today. Sorry.) I just thought that they fit so nicely, nestled together in my inbox, and if I have to look at that condensed pain and misery so can you.😎

So, let’s put on some Evanescence (although I listened to the Gladiator soundtrack while typing this up), to get into the right mood, and enjoy a wild mix-and-match ride between meta, headcanon and idon’tknowhwhatthisis (I totally understand if run away from it. It ran away from me, as well.):

Okay, first: Anon, you forgot about Thor: Ragnarok! Okay, Stephen wasn’t in it for long but the scenes he had were absolute gold. And no pain and misery in sight! Instead he was having fun with two gods! I swear, the moment I don’t find the scene with Thor falling down the stairs, and Loki emerging from the eternal portal, funny, is the day I give up on myself. The whole movie was a much-needed breath of fresh air, anyway. Just like Ant-Man and the Wasp after IW.But, yes, Doctor Strange and Infinity War are brutal on our beloved wizard doctor and I think I haven’t made secret of the fact that I headcanon him as halfway suicidal since the accident. (There was not enough material in DS for me to form an opinion on this pre-accident. But after? Puh, it was pure luck that he managed to find Kamar-taj before death.)And after finding magic and purpose (again)? Even more pain, misery, torture and death xInifinty with Dormammu. Yay. Torture designed to break the strongest man. He seemed to be relatively fine (for his standards) at the beginning of IW but after Ebony Maw, the crash, the future scrying and the fight against Thanos? Done. And then giving up the time stone, enduring whatever it is what he has to endure until Tony & Co reverse the snap? (Because I’m totally sure that Stephen manages to find some way to suffer even while not existing. It seems to be in his DNA or something.)It’s going to break him, badly, even more than he already is. And we won’t see much of it onscreen because all the screen time will go to the still existing heroes, except for the very end. But there will be hints and some superb acting from which we, the fandom, can take our cues and fill in the blanks.So, Stephen, after Endgame, is done, done, done. With everything. But especially life. I see him as someone who’s so low that he doesn’t even think about slinking of and slitting his wrists or something like that, because that’s not his mindset. But quietly disappearing even though he’s badly wounded but not thinking he’s worth the trouble? That he can take care of it himself? Absolutely. Searching and finding fights he knows he can’t win alone? Justifying his longing for death to himself with the fact that it is for the greater good and that there was no other choice?Yes. Stephen thinks it’s his destiny to go out in freaking suicide attack on something or that he’s meant to suffer through his last few hours alone in some dark corner.And I would love, love to write a whole long story about this concept, and maybe I will, one day, but I have to see Endgame for that. Because if I do that I’ll put in Tony to save the day - and Stephen - but to do that I have to first know how Tony survives and in what state he’s in. Because judging from the trailer it won’t be good. 😭Let’s have little thought experiment:Endgame is done, most of the occupants of the universe are back where they belong, and some of the heroes have, sadly, fallen. Tony Stark is not among them, but he’s in bad shape. Weak, hurt and fucking exhausted in every way imaginable. But on the plus side: Peter’s back! There was a long, drawn out hugging session. There was joy and tears. Peter babbles, while Tony is too exhausted to do much more than listen with half an ear while trying to stay conscious. But he notices that the name Stephen Strange falls a couple of times. He looks around, trying to find the man that is responsible for a good part of the whole mess and the reason didn’t die on Titan, as he should have. (Tony totally thinks that. You can’t change my mind.) His resentment towards Stephen is still there, even if it’s dulled by time and the first stirrings of understanding. But Stephen’s nowhere to be seen.Tony doesn’t like that. All of his people, dead or alive, are accounted for, except for the sorcerer. Helped up by Peter he makes the rounds, asking people about Stephen. Most of them don’t know who he’s speaking about, the rest shake their heads. Finally they manage to track down Wong, who just looks at them. “Gone,” he says and while Peter needs a moment to understand Tony knows immediately that Wong doesn’t mean death.“Where?” Tony’s so tired and everything hurts and every cell in his body screams at him to finally lay down his amour and rest but he can’t. Not yet. He doesn’t understand why but he just knows that the has to get to Stephen.Wong takes one look at him and shakes his head but he conjures up a portal to the Sanctum. “Not the kid,” he warns and despite Peter’s protests Tony persuades him to stay behind and help the rest of the team in the clean-up efforts. He doesn’t want any witnesses between this meeting anyway. Tony’s so tired that he goes through the portal without thinking about the magic behind it.He’s determined to clear the air, to scream at Stephen and maybe hit him or something. He’s not clear on that yet. But the need to know WHY burns in him. Why was he important enough to sacrifice everything for? He would have died in space, if rescue hadn’t come in the last second, and he spent most of the time recuperating and barely did anything. (Not true, but that’s how Tony sees himself. As doing nothing more than anyone else could have done.)Instead of the snarky wizard he finds a broken, sobbing wreck wedged between a couch and a bookshelf. He finds a man so destroyed by his choices that his greatest wish is to just stop existing, to be put out of his misery. 14+ million possibilities, one more horrible than the other, are swirling around in Stephen’s brain and he can’t handle it.He could hold the knowledge at bay while they were planning and fighting on Titan but the interim between becoming dust on Titan and coming back on earth has broken him completely. Without anything to do, without a body, without the constant pain to keep him grounded, he was forced to contemplate everything. His old life and his new, all of his choices in all of the timelines.Stephen came up hating himself even more than before and he has the millions of timelines where he fucked up to fuel his self-hate for the rest of his life.Tony takes one look at him and can guess at least a tiny part of what’s going on in Stephen’s mind. The desire to scream at him flees, it’s obvious that Stephen’s much better at beating up himself than Tony could ever be.It’s also obvious that he needs help. Tony manages a quiet “Stephen?” before his body finally gives out and the collapses just a few meters away. It breaks Stephen out of his endless circle of self-ramification. It takes him a moment before he realizes that what he sees is real and not a product of his broken mind. It takes him even longer to finally move and get over to Tony. By then his instincts as a doctor have kicked in and after some basic first-aid he gets Tony into hospital and to the treatment he needs.He stays on the sidelines until it’s clear that Tony’s going to survive. He whispers a quiet “sorry” in farewell and vanishes back to the Sanctum. His mind is a little bit clearer now but still clouded by self-hate. He tries meditation to push everything down but it only works to an extent.When he’s not busy taking insane risks (and trying to die) he spends his days in solitude and self-hate. It’s Tony who, after having halfway recovered, searches him out once again, still in search of an explanation and closure. He arrives at the Sanctum just in time to see a half-dead Stephen come in through a flickering and unstable looking portal. Instead of finding answers he helps Stephen up and takes care of him. The answers can wait until Stephen’s no longer shaking from exhaustion. While helping him Tony sees the bruises and the dark shadows under Stephen’s eyes and begins to understand.There is a talk, later, when Stephen’s more coherent and awake. There are even more talks in the following days and weeks. Somehow, they never devolve into screaming but they get heated sometimes. The manage to form some kind of friendship, based on mutual understanding and the concept of self-sacrifice. Tony steps down from being Iron Man after Thanos since his body just can’t do it anymore but Stephen’s still an idiot with a death wish. Tony’s trying to work on that but it’s a one step forward two steps back kind of situation.But Stephen’s still alive so Tony counts his blessings and if he still always has one Iron Man armor, untested in battle, with him? It’s just in case. One never knows when he needs one to protect the ones he loves.By the time the villain of Doctor Strange 2 (whoever it may be) comes along, Stephen’s recovered enough and is in some weird kind of half friend- half relationship with Tony Stark that gives him enough strength and hope for the future to not seek death but life.When he comes back home afterwards Tony’s waiting for him and it goes on from there.

[charcubed]

CHAR when will you be doing your Loki ep6 lokius breakdown, I need hope to get through to s2

ANON I know I am the worst I am so sorry lmao

I wish I could promise you an exact deadline but from experience I have learned that sometimes if I do that for big writing projects I end up pressuring myself harder than I already do, and then I hate feeling like I’ve let people down by being later than I estimated. So the answer is that I don’t know!

BUT I will say this: after I get a first draft of my SPN Chuck Won meta done, this is next up on the list. I am finally on a roll with the Chuck thing, after that project has fought me for months and I’ve restarted it three times (!!!!!), and I don’t want to lose the momentum. I am very capable of switching tracks because at all times every fandom is dormant in my brain at once lmao, but if I ping pong a lot I worry I’m not as sharp in my writing. I have Sherlock meta I want to read right now and haven’t even done that for the same reason.

Once I no longer fear losing where my brain is at with what I’ve been currently writing, I will switch to Loki and push us through, despite how at this point I cannot imagine how my ep 6 thread can possibly contain anything new to anyone since it’s been so long.

I’m going to need to rewatch the episode, and tbh because I know how I am I’ll probably rewatch the majority of the rest of the season in bits and pieces to submerge my brain space back into it and make sure I’m thorough. And THEN I will go through the truly hellish process of collecting screencaps and numbering them in post order and writing in tweet drafts to meet word count and so on and so forth 💀 lmfao. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to do it, especially for the good of the people!!! But despite the fact that it is technically my idea of “fun,” it is also… a lot of work. HA. So I can’t just like, fuck around and decide to sit down and write it off the cuff tomorrow, is my point.

The reality is that I got ~lazy~ about it without the deadline of a next episode breathing down my neck. It’s difficult to explain the levels of complete feral derangement and sleep deprivation I pushed myself into weekly in order to crank out the ep 3-5 threads as quickly as I did for everyone’s sakes, because each of them probably took around a minimum of 6 hours (when it was fresh in my head!). So I subconsciously associate doing them with exhaustion HAHAHA. God.

This time I don’t have to do it in one sitting though! And I know that! So I need to convince my brain of that.

BUT YOU DIDNT ASK ANY OF THAT! SO. LET ME SHUT UP.

ALL THAT TO SAYYYYYY:

I can’t give you a timeline unfortunately but I PROMISE it will get done, and despite what it sounds like I am not actually dreading it but I’m just explaining why it’s a big time commitment and maybe harder than it looks (?), and I genuinely apologize for leaving everyone hanging!!!

PS I am sure if you’re in my ask box about this then you’re aware, but just in case, my collection of Loki meta on Twitter does contain some ep 6 thoughts to tide you over if you haven’t read those already! Also fun fact the other day I found out that if you Google “Lokius meta” my shit is like one of the top results and that’s 🎶 a little bit insane 🎶 (in a good way)

[veliseraptor]

I really appreciate and love how you write the relationship between Odin and Loki. It reminds me of my own relationship with my mom bc all of our issues steam from the fact that even though we love each other, we simply don't fucking understand each other. And it's so frustrating bc all our arguments start bc we thought the other meant something other than what they meant. And thinking back to all those escalating discussions they seem so stupid bc wow, how did I not realize that’s what she was

trying to say? It doesn’t even register. It doesn’t even cross my mind to think that she could have meant something else other than criticism or disinterest. My sister pretty much deescalates those situations by telling us what the other really meant and then it’s like, oh, yeah that makes sense. And it’s hard. It’s so hard to maintain a good relationship between us. We have to work at it so much, we have to stop and breath and evaluate and its /exhausting/ doing all that communicating.

But despite everything, I love my mom and I know she loves me and vice versa. That fact has never been brought into question and it never will be. And Odin and Loki don’t have that surety of each other, that strong foundation of love that every relationship needs. Seeing you write Odin and Loki trying to hash out their miscommunicating issues is so cathartic bc even though I know it’ll never get that bad between my mom and I,it’s nice to see that a relationship between parent and child can still be salvaged if they just talked to each other. This came out so much longer than I thought lol I hope this makes some sense it’s so late and I am very tired and fully compromised by your writing. You’re the best.

Hoo boy anon, there’s a lot here, but first of all: thank you. And I’m glad that particular relationship resonates with you: it’s a really important one to me and it’s always been a significant thing for me to write Loki’s relationship with his family in such a way that no one is really…vilified, if that makes sense. It’s important to me to validate Loki’s feelings about his family and his experience. The harm may not have been intentional, but it still hurt. At the same time, Loki’s conviction that he was never loved, that Odin never cared for him, is also not accurate: Odin does, he is just absolute shit at communicating it. 

To get personal: I, too, am very familiar with a communication mismatch within your family. I’ve always been a very emotional person, and that’s…not something that my family is very good at dealing with, so there was a lot of the impression, for me, that my emotional responses were inconvenient, or irrational, or unnecessary. Or just uncomfortable and impolite, in a situation where those were some of the worst things emotions could be. But I’ve never doubted that my parents loved me (or, well, have in my worse moments but never really believed). 

And it is really hard to do that work, and to feel like you have to do that work to get someone to understand. Sometimes it just stops feeling worth it and you give up on trying at all. And that’s where Loki ended up landing w/r/t Odin, I think: that he just got tired of trying, and Frigga’s mediation often felt like she was just trying to smooth things over and erase the problem rather than dealing with it. 

I go back and forth on how much Odin and Loki’s relationship can be salvaged, or if it can be. In some universes - like Remember This Cold - it’s pretty far out of the realm of possibility. In others - like the Unraveling/Mending verse - it’s more within reach, but a long ways away. There’s a lot that needs to get worked out between them, and for Loki, especially in terms of establishing (as you say) that firm foundation. 

Loki’s belief in Odin’s love for him - in anyone’s love for him, really, but maybe especially Odin’s - is pretty weak, and in response he acts out and pushes Odin further away, because that’s what Loki does when he’s feeling hurt or vulnerable. On the other hand, Odin’s anger and frustration with Loki’s behavior often gets in the way of his understanding where Loki is coming from. And the trouble is often that there’s no one who can take that place of de-escalation and translation and bring them together. 

But one of the things that’s rewarding about getting to explore their relationship is getting to dig into the challenges of that, and try to manuever them into a place where they can start talking to each other. 

(and then I have a lot of gripes with some of the ways the fandom deals with Loki’s family relationships and the work of reconciliation but you don’t want to hear about that)

[hyperbolicpurple]

found this in my drafts folder from, like, a month ago or more. (whoops.) i was tagged by @maybetwice and i tag anyone who wants to do the thing. Nickname: you can call me B

Gender: female

Star Sign: Capricorn

Sexual Orientation: bisexual

Hogwarts House: the kind of person who gets snotty about how people can’t be defined by one or two traits, especially in this configuration, so probably a ravenclaw.

Favourite Colour: purple. all the purple!

Favourite Animal: PUGS

Time Right Now: 8:55 a.m. 9:33 a.m.

Average Hours of Sleep: a giant fucking mystery. i’ve been sleeping terribly for a couple of months now. sometimes i sleep for 16 hours and still have trouble getting up. sometimes i sleep for four hours and can’t get back to sleep even though i’m exhausted (me this morning). there’s a sleep studies office at the college i work at. maybe i’ll volunteer to be studied and someone will write an article about me.

Cat or Dog Person: cats, but I love both. now if you’d said “cat or pug person” the answer would be pugs.

Favourite Fictional Characters: Olivia Dunham, Kara Thrace, Jon Snow, Sansa Stark, Loki, Captain Raymond Holt, Amy Santiago

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: 2? a comforter and a sheet underneath. unless the duvet counts separately. i’m overthinking this.

Favourite Singer/Band: bipolar sunshine! my one legitimate claim to musical hipsterism. i listened to him before he became a big thing! (i know nothing about music, i just listen to the radio sometimes. fun story, i heard of him while perusing dramabeans.com (the kdrama review site).)

Dream Trip: hmm, idk? walking the rota vicentina, maybe. i’ve traveled in Europe before but i’m terrible at the tourist thing. i just want eat all the food and do some hiking. monuments and museums and that whole scene are lost on me.

Dream Job: orchardist. bring back 20 acres and a mule tractor.

When was this Blog Created: early 2014, maybe late 2013? there’s probably a way you can check this but idk how.

Current Number of Followers: 268, i think.

When did your blog reach its peak? nothing interesting has ever happened on this blog, ever. this is boringsville. atm i do have more followers than i ever have before, though, so i guess you could say i’m peaking right now. ;) ;) ;)

What made you decide to get tumblr? I came back from a 2-3 year fandom hiatus in 2013/2014, discovered lj and dw were basically dead, and resigned myself to the tumblr life.