#the Ao3 haters will never win

[unpopularfanopinion]

It’s so much fun watching these people try to rail about Ao3, either about the content host there. Or complaining that a site that has millions of users and visitors everyday manages to raise 250k in less than a day(Seriously you idiots, think about it for two seconds, if every Ao3 user donated just 1 dollar they would likely get 10 times their goal amount)

And as for content, there’s really nothing on Ao3 that you can’t also find in public libraries or book stores.  Do these people go and demand that these places pull books from their shelves.

I can just see each and every Ao3 hater at a school board meeting, holding up a copy of Heartstopper or Gender Queer screaming and crying about the vile “child porn” being so readily available to teenagers. Because heaven knows we can’t let <i>teenagers</i> know about sex or sexuality before they hit the magical age of 18 when everyone knows the switch for sexual interest just flips on.  And any exposure to sex/sexuality before that age is inherently harmful to teens and proof of evil and sin (this is all sarcasm if you can’t tell)

Still is rather fun watching all of their impotent rage as they tilt against the windmill, knowing that they must live miserable, hate filled lives if they feel the need to spend so much energy on a website centered around people having fun, and sharing things that make them happy.

[flwoie]

LOVE IN DISGUISE — PARK SUNGHOON

SUMMARY Secrets are meant to be kept. Sunghoon never keeps secrets though, well except one—his friends being members of a super secret spy team. He finds out on the night he gets kidnapped and is rescued by them. That night, his friend offers him to be a part of the team to stop an organization, SPY-DER LILLIES, from destroying their campus and agency, I.R.I.S (International Resource for Intellectual Spies). And like the goofy goober he is, he joins for a jetpack and to impress his longtime friend and crush, the black cat agent, in order to win her heart before the spiders come crawling up his back.

TUNE IN TO WATCH THE SERIES OF SUNGHOON LEARNING HOW TO BE THE WORLD’S GREATEST SPY WITH HIS FRIENDS AND HIS JETPACK!

STARRING spy! sunghoon x spy! f! reader (WITH txt’s beomgyu, loossemble’s yeojin, lsfm’s kazuha, nwjns’ minji, kiof’s belle, xdh’s junhan)

GENRE smau + written, romcom, episodic, friends to lovers, college au, spy au, characters inspired by my friend group, heavily inspired by that one spy kickin’ it episode (s3, ep 21)

CONTAINS 15+, profanity, light violence, brainrot😭, spy terminology isn’t fully accurate, also 50% of the chapters in here are not even spy related, incorrect timestamps (pls ignore) (chapters will specify warnings)

STATUS airing (whenever i feel like it @ 5PM CST) | july 9, 2024 - …

SOUNDTRACK

TAGLIST IS OPEN ✧ SEND AN ASK OR COMMENT UNDER MAIN MASTERLIST

🗯️ GUYS IK IVE BEEN DIPPING SMAUS BUT TRUST ME, I WONT DIP THIS ONE….

📻 : “I.R.I.S. TEAM 5 REPORTING, OVER…!”

MISSION #001 — PILOT IN DISGUISE

↳ sunghoon joins his friends’ spy team

one : jetpack joyride [0.9k]

two : the haters be hating [0.3k + smau]

three : my tall american friend

four : cuz im a sigma…👻

five : theres many girls in the fish

six : chicken butt

seven : when there's a screen, ao3 must be seen

eight : im gonna touch u lil bro

MISSION #002 — PARTY IN DISGUISE

↳ the boys throws a boys-only party in the lair while you’re out of town

nine : back early [0.2k]

ten : w rizz amirite

eleven : fake gucci pants..

twelve : H H HELL NAH🤦‍♀️ [0.5k]

thirteen : like the roblox game?

fourteen : the hell is spoogle images [0.7k + smau]

MISSION #003 — ENEMY IN DISGUISE

↳ the team keeps tabs on an I.R.I.S spy-in-training, who’s possibly a part of the SPY-DER LILLIES

fifteen : and ur dumb

sixteen : hide ur ladies🤫🥱

seventeen : luh luh loserrr

eighteen : what an ugly pepperoni […]

ninteen : PAUSE…

twenty : btw calc is short for calculator […]

twenty one : diss me diss me now u gotta kiss me

MISSION #004 — GAMES IN DISGUISE

↳ when the team is sent on a mission to defeat a tech team of SPY-DER LILLIES, they get transported to the internet world

... to be added

MISSION #005 — WITNESS IN DISGUISE

↳ the team joins a witness protection program after witnessing a fight between two canadian spy organizations

… to be added

MISSION #006 — CRUSHES IN DISGUISE

↳ in order for sunghoon to pass his final spy assessment, he needs to get over his crush

... to be added

MISSION #007 — CAMP IN DISGUISE

↳ the team is recruited to be camp counsellors for I.R.I.S spies-in-training

... to be added

enhypen masterlist

[zettychez]

I need to prove a point ma'am @loquarocoeur

Who is my Favorite Drive?

I feel like I don't have a specific favorite driver. I have a select group of drivers that I cheer for but at the moment the driver that I want to win so much would be between Oscar P Leclerc and Charles Leclerc.

Do you have other favorite drivers?

I started out loving Max Verstappen because he was winning so much in 2023 and Charles Leclerc because of the lore he had with Max. I got attached to Oscar because it was his rookie year and it was my first year watching F1 and who was this child with floppy hair and didn't give two shits. I love old man Fernando because he truly is that uncle who is trying to keep up with times with his TikTok account.

Who is your least Favorite Driver?

I am a hater to the core and can admit I am not the biggest fan of Lando Norris but even I can say that man is getting done dirty by his team to an extent.

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Hmmm nahh I pull for drivers. I can't even say I ride or die for some of these drivers because lets be honest they have said some questionable things and have shook hands with questionable people.*cough* Mclaren.

At the end of the day these teams are corporations that really only care about money no matter how they get it.

If you like teams what teams do you pull for?

I'm gonna be honest redbull rubs me the wrong way.

How long have you been into F1?

I would have to say since Zandervoot 2023 last year.

What got you into F1?

I was flipping through netflix because I was so bored and found DTS. Because I will always go looking to see if there is any good fanfic I went into Ao3. From Ao3 I actually wanted to watch a race because I have never actually been interested in a sport because and wanted to give it a shot. Funnily enough I actually got super into it and would find myself getting up super early to watch the races and actually keep up with the news. I actually never finished DTS after season 4.

Then I found tumblr and here we are.

Do you enjoy fic/rpf?

I don't write it but I love to read it. I really love to read how everyone interprets what they see or feel about a specific situation in a sport.

How do you view new fans?

This is my first season in f1 that I actually started so I still consider myself a new fan. However I do enjoy the enthusiasm new fans and myself bring to the sport. I love discovering new perspective to the sport and even when there are opposing views I love the community F1 brings in a way. I find it distasteful to discourage new fans because some people want to gatekeep F1 which really sucks.

If you could take over as a team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

I would probably want to take over Red Bull because I would want to fire Helmet Marko, that man just gives the creeps and the comments he has made are just flabbergasting to me.

Are your friends and family into F1?

Hmmmm one of my sisters thinks the drivers are very attractive and will listen to me talk just for the sake of it. My dad to this day says that every race is bought and it doesn't matter who I support because as he said it's already bought. I managed to get my 14 year old niece into F1 and she is a carlos sainz supporter. Beggars can't be choosers. I am slowly getting my other 8 month old nieces indoctrinated, I mean get her into liking F1. My fiends actually don't really care about F1 but when I talk about it they will listen because I tend to yap without regard.

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friend?

I am yes, I love talking to other F1 fans and just yapping about the sport or even about certain ships in the sport. At the moment I will always yap about lestappen to other mutuals. I sometimes forget I have messages in my inbox and or I don't exactly know tumblr etiquet like how much yapping is enough or too much? I am still navigating how to make friends on tumblr and still be respectful to their privacy and time and not overwhelm people at time.

I will tag @souvenir116

Darcy you were the first mutual I actually talked to and who I still love yapping with when we have time.

[fuckblast]

“Sorry but this does not extend to fanfic brothers” listen I don’t even READ fanfic but the author of Gideon the ninth started on fanfic and hee writing is good enough to win awards. Can we stop with the hater mindset. Please. Please. There’s terrible terrible wretched original fiction out there that sucks SO bad and there is fanfic that is good. What if we just started giving actionable advice instead of botching about how other people are gross. What if. “Hey I know you’re already on ao3 but that fic you’re considering if you’re bored enough to read isn’t what you actually want. Pick up the pulp fiction novel you bought three weeks ago” <-wow isn’t that saying the same thing but instead of being directionless and hateful it’s addressing a perceived problem

Sorry you feel pressured to read a book. Blog about it.

I've never read Gideon the Ninth, but I'm sure the writer only ever read fic /s. I love fanfic but if all you read is fic, I'm not all that interested in your writing. I'll never stop with the hater mindset #hater

[xoniarainforest]

Got tagged by @kiki-shortsnout and this seems fun, so let’s do it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Great question! None! Mainly because I started using AO3 last year and I have natural anxiety towards the publish button.

(You may not understand, but that button… that button scares me.)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

I have a very prideful zero. My goal this year is to try publish at least a 1k word count fic? I think it’s a fair step towards conquering my fear with that publish button.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Various Minecraft YouTubers (MCYT). I’ve been in this fandom for years, wrote about lots of peeps, but my current obsession is GeminiTay o/ (and maybe a little bit of Ethoslab. I never watch the guy before and I’m finally discovering his charm whoops)

DanganRonpa. As in writing OCs in the killing game aspect. I barely written anything about the characters other than my top 5 favourites though.

Undertale and its AUs. Especially the AUs, I remember being so crazy about it. Still do, but a bit more tone down in these past years. I write them during my need of comfort days. I have this one incomplete story from the fandom that I intend to finish it one day.

Marvel. This is my current biggest obsession. Specifically FrostIronStrange, following up with the Avengers.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I’m gonna answer this based on other websites that I’ve published since my AO3 page is empty. I don’t normally publish my fics cuz I’m a bit awkward in sharing, but amongst the ones I do share to public (they are mostly taken down at this point):

Méng Yǒu

Five Nights at Team Crafted

Three Peaks Castle

Colours

Dream. Glitch. World.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Most of my comments are from my friends so yes!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably that one Marvel series about an immortal child entity who travels through the multiverse determined to help solve the universal problems/threats in every universe/dimensions that they visits. It’s a series of never ending one shots because she never stops travelling. Obviously there are bound to have some very angsty endings where they fail to save the whole universe. Or she saved the universe, but she had to make hard decisions that affects them deeply.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhm… the world is saved from not being converted into a coded game? If you don’t consider fluff fics about typical daily life. Now that I think about it, there’s never a ‘true’ happy ending with my fics. I usually write the ‘to achieve the ultimate win, you lose something along the way’.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope. My fics typically don’t get discovered by people. Let alone by haters.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

When I’m feeling horny. I write very questionable porn with plot fics. Don’t ask. I swore to never share them.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes! I love writing crossovers between two of my favourite fandoms! I think the craziest would be MCYT x FNAF. Cuz it’s my first ever crossover fic and it holds a special place in my heart.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope. I think people prefer stealing works that are both great and completed. Sadly I’m neither great nor have I ever publish a complete fic to the public.

12. Does not exist apparently

Like my works? I have a ton that I have completed but never share to anyone.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Does co-writing a comic counts? I’ve co-written a short comic series with an irl friend before. It was only shared amongst my group of friends.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

FrostIronStrange is definitely at the top. It’s one of the very few romance shippings that I do since I normally do platonic or familial ships like Gemtho, SansxToriel, CharaxFriskxAsriel, Grian and Pearl etc.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Most of my long fics. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of them and I’m not abandoning them, but I have this problem where once I finish outlining the plot of my fics, my brain automatically files them as completed and places them at the easily forgotten corner even though I didn’t finish writing them. Plus I have a habit of jumping around between different stories… listen, I write for fun okay? I enjoy writing for the sake of writing so I don’t really care if it gets complete or not. Thinking about ‘must complete’ gives me stress and I don’t think it’s worth carrying that pressure when life itself is already stressful.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding, plot making, character backgrounds.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar, dialogue writings, endings.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I constantly writes in both English and Chinese, so that’s not an issue for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Team Crafted from the very old MCYT fandom

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I like all of my fic. Case closed.

(You are never gonna force me to pick one. NEVER)

Who to tag next for the game?

I’m tagging everyone who has seen this post and hasn’t done the answers yet. So TAG, YOU’RE IT!

[huntingingoodwill]

twenty questions for fic writers 💕

thank you so much for the tag @janaispunk !!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

like 1 lol i wanted to try… and then i didn’t try.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

3159 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

cillian murphy/pedro pascal cinematic universe, trainspotting, stranger things, spree

4. top five fics by kudos (copied jana and looked at tumblr notes instead because the fics have been up here for much longer)

take me, so breathless (we could be reckless) - 5070 (SO WILD BTW THANK YOU 😭)

accessory to matrimony i - 1609

the cigarette girl i - 1552

noise complaint - 1445

may the best man win 1400

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

help this one is so difficult for me because i love torturing my characters 😭 in recent history probably love is a losing game though the cigarette girl iv is pretty sad. and i have one where the ending is jonathan crane literally kidnapping you in a basement so i guess whichever you think fits the bill best :,)

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

my baby texas reznikoff with joel miller <3

8. do you get hate on fics?

surprisingly no despite the hater energy i put out into the world

9. do you write smut?

nope what’s a peanits

10. craziest crossover?

haven’t written a crossover but i like to name drop javi g in dieter bravo fics and vice versa like they’re rival actors

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope but besties @impossiblegrl and @jeffbvckley have had to sit through MANY of my brainstorming rambles

14. all time favorite ship?

me x miguel o’hara 😏

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

literally all the year old requests in my askbox 😭 sorry yall.

16. what are your writing strengths?

i love writing dialogue!!! and i think im not too awful at it lol

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

descriptions of like. anything. scenery. appearance. actions. FEELING. ive never had a feeling in my life

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

LOVE.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

the cmcu… it was a fic for cillian’s soldier in dunkirk (still haven’t watched it lol)

20. favorite fic you've written?

im pretty proud of love is a losing game tbh

npt: @zablife @runnning-outof-time @serenequeendarling @translatemunson @softstarlite

[longbobmckenzie]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @rebelrayne!

How many works do you have on ao3?

I've got 40 which is still wild to me

What's your total ao3 word count?

970,161 - I'm inching closer to the million word mark (and have the remaining 30k needed in my drafts just waiting to be published)

What fandoms do you write for?

Love Island the Game, and I'm working on my first oneshot for the Romance Club fandom (Song of the Crimson Nile)

Top five fics by kudos:

Whiskey & Scotch (it'll never be surpassed)

it's just a crush

Amelia Can't Win (the S6 effect, I still can't believe this one is top 3 already ahead of a few of my other chaptered fics)

not the only one

Convince Me (the only oneshot in my top 5, the effect of writing a smutty oneshot while season it's about is still ongoing)

Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a few contenders here but I'm gonna go with anatomy of a heartbreak. it's literally in the title, so you were warned

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

erm, most of them? some of them even end with a happy ending, if you know what I mean 😏

Serious answer though, probably it's just a crush, because not only did it end the misery I put my readers through (it's a slow, slow, slow burn, folks), but I think it's the only one of my fics that ends with a proposal (I think. I've written 40 of them, you can't expect me to remember them all, can you?)

Do you get hate on fics?

Yep, every time @mrsbsmooth reads one of my unfinished drafts and gets mad that it's not finished yet /j

But actually, surprisingly, no. Either I'm not relevant enough for the haters to notice me, or everyone's scared of me.

That or I don't write anything controversial enough to warrant strong opinions 🙃

Do you write smut?

Yes, although I hate myself every time because I suck at metaphors and pretty words and all the stuff that really elevates other writers' smut

Craziest crossover:

When the Dead Come Knocking is LITG x The Walking Dead

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, but I'd probably be more flattered than anything (nah probably not, I'd come after you with guns blazing)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

*sigh* I started a collab on a oneshot before but my cowriter ghosted the fandom. It was a Kassam x Felix undercover spy ETL with Chelsea as a crime boss and it would have been hilarious

All time favourite ship?

I mean, obviously Henrik/me. I mean, Henrik/MC. But if we're talking 2 LITG characters, then Henrik/Lucas is OTP

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Technically this is not applicable - I have every intention of finishing my 3 active WIPs (Whiskey & Wildflowers, Amelia Can't Win, and Luc & Hen's Sexcellent Kinkventure), and I prefer not to start new chaptered fics until I finish other ones (which often means my fics are in the idea stage for literally years before I even start writing them).

That said, I have a few chaptered fic ideas in various stages of production that I'm not sure I'll end up writing. idk if those count as WIPs (one of them is half-outlined and I've jotted down a few paragraphs, but I have to rework it)

What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I've been told I'm good at pacing, and I've been told I'm good at angst - but what strengths make me good at those things are, I don't really know.

Oh, wait. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I rock at those.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, for one. My biggest struggle in all of my fics (and what I find extremely daunting when starting something new) is dialogue. I never know what my characters should talk about when it's not distinctly plot-related, especially group scenes. Some people are so good at writing fresh dialogue that just breathes so much life into the characters and displays their personality and keeps the reader engaged, and that's something I'd love to do better (both in fics and in real life, tbh - I'm a wallflower)

Secondly, character development. I've literally written over 500k words for one of my OCs, yet I hardly know who she is outside of the villa. I know her struggles and much of her backstory, but I don't know what her hobbies are, what gets her up in the morning, what she likes to eat, what she listens to, etc. I think this also plays a part in my dialogue struggles - it's hard to write characters if I don't know them

Third, and related to number two, is character arcs/relationship arcs. Sure, I can come up with a storyline and write it in such a way that it's enjoyable. But what makes a story extra compelling is the character arcs, watching the characters grow and learn things about themselves and seeing how that meshes with another character and their flaws/strengths and it all comes together like puzzle pieces. I'm not good at that, but I want to be

tl;dr - my biggest weakness is that I'm not Emily Henry

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

My favourite love interests are Swedish and Portuguese 🤣 and yes, I love having them slip into their native tongues every once in awhile, or use terms of endearments, etc. I try to be as accurate as possible and give the readers a glossary (though sometimes I'm lazy with that), but it's also usually just little things that you can kind of tell what they're saying from the context

First fandom you wrote in?

Love Island the Game. Other than RC, it might be my last, too

Favourite fic you've written?

I hate this question 🤣 I have 40 fics and I love them all in their own way. It's like asking someone to pick their favourite child

tagging @eskiix, @lucas-koh, @squirrel-fund, mymindalwaysgoesblankwhentaggingpeople, sojustdoitifyoureinterested

[needsmoresleepwrites]

Gift for TachibanasWife: Hajime laughs, “Are you going to ask me if I’d still love you if you were a worm again?” (IwaOi, HQ)

Would you still love me if I were the size of a truck?

Read on Ao3 (Send Kudos)

tags: omegaverse, pregnancy, implied antenatal depression, comfort

note: i've picked up a few more HQ gotcha fics after pinch hits were opened up and here's one of the (surprisingly many?) pregnancy fics i picked up. enjoy~

——————————————————————————

Tooru has mixed feelings when he ends up pregnant. He imagines himself in a few months, all stretched out in the middle with no clothes big enough to fit him. He’ll have giant swollen feet, will probably be lucky if he can see them, and won’t be able to go to the bathroom alone. He’s sure that by the time he’s six months pregnant, Hajime will be tired of him and he’ll be giving birth alone!

Hajime notices he’s spiraling and pinches his cheeks to get him to focus again, “I’m not going to leave you.”

“But I won’t be pretty anymore,” Tooru tells him. He’s only half joking. He knows Hajime isn’t the type of person to care about stuff like that, but…pregnancy was a big change. Not just physically. Their lives would be different from here on out. What if he gave birth and Hajime changed his mind about being a father with him? 

His husband kisses him and then whispers, “You’re always going to be the prettiest. Now stop fishing for compliments!”

Tooru pouts, “You only say that now because I’m not the size of a truck!”

Hajime laughs, “Are you going to ask me if I’d still love you if you were a worm again?”

“No,” he grins, “I’m going to ask if you’d still love me if I were the size of a truck.”

His husband pulls him close and starts to scent him, “I would.”

“I’ll be all hard edges and cold and huge. I won’t fit on normal roads.”

He gets a kiss on his temple, “It’s fine. We’ll take the long way. And listen to that cringey pop music you love.”

Tooru is already feeling sleepy from their scenting but he weakly pounds on Hajime’s chest, “Pop music isn’t cringey. It’s stylish. And catchy. I’ve heard you humming it before. Fake hater.”

He feels the rumble of laughter as he closes his eyes. 

Scenting soothes Tooru. 

It always has but it helps even more after he’s pregnant. He’s not sure why but doubts easily worm their way into his head nowadays and he’s glad he has Hajime at his side to keep him grounded. He’d never known having a child would be so exhausting, not just physically but also mentally (His mother laughs when he tells her, I just thought I’d feel bad for two weeks and that it would hurt 9 months after that! )

It helps when he reads books like The 101s of Childbirth, What the Media Hides About Childbirth, a Guide For Pregnant Parents by Real Birthgivers, How to Raise Independant and Healthy Kids, Simple and Easy Exercises for Omegan Parents, and Will My Body Ever Recover? 10 Easy Steps to Get Back Your Pre-Pregnancy Body by Award Winning Pregnancy Coach Tanaka Jun. Hajime tells him that he doesn’t need books like the last one. That his body will always be perfect. He scowls down at some of the advice and tells him, Your body is changing so that you can nurture our baby properly, during the pregnancy and after. 

Tooru isn’t easily pacified. He whines, “But you’re my husband! You’re supposed to say mushy things like that!”

Hajime sighs but looks determined, “Ok. If you’re really worried, I can take care of researching that aspect of pregnancy. You’re already stressed enough.”

And he does. Tooru has seen more reputable titles on his desk (Building Body Fat for a Healthy Pregnancy, 10 Ways to Help Keep Your Mobility While Pregnant) and in his bookmarks (5 Ways My Wife Helped Decrease My Stress During Pregnancy, What I Wish I Knew Before I Became Pregnant (And How I Improved My Mental Health)). They start doing simple workouts at home, which are mainly stretching and breathing focused. It helps him relax 

The scenting especially helps when the morning symptoms finally kick in and when the bump finally grows from the size of a peach to the size of a volleyball. 

He feels so undesirable in those moments. 

“Let’s go out on a date,” Hajime tells him one day when Tooru is under so many blankets, brooding. 

“Don’t wanna.”

“Didn’t you say you were craving something sweet?” he asks and Tooru feels himself crumble.

“I am…”

Hajime snakes a hand under the blankets to rub at his belly, “Let’s go for a walk. We can get some fresh air.”

He doesn’t need to tell him he’s worried about Tooru staying cooped in for days for him to understand. He gets out of bed and his feet are slightly sore. Hajime takes no pity, telling him it’s his fault for hibernating in their nest while he’s been busy at work. Then apologizes for being so busy that week. He massages his feet before they go out. 

Walks are miracle workers. They must be because it helps improve his mood. 

He loves being bathed by Hajime’s scent but it’s fall now and the smell of the crisp air, of the falling leaves, and the flow of the river…it all makes him feel at peace. It also helps that he’s finally eaten something sweet. It doesn’t satisfy the crave completely, but it’s a start. 

They hold hands as they sit down near the playground. It’s a weekend so it’s full of children laughing and running around, and families walking their dogs. Tooru watches, transfixed, at how many pregnant parents are walking around. 

He’s the first in their group of friends to get pregnant. Some of them don’t want children and others have said they’re not ready yet. He got congratulatory messages and Hinata had been hounding him for details about everything. Even Ushijima had sent him a message. A simple ‘I’m happy for you’. Kageyama had asked if he needed anything about two months ago and Tooru had left him on read (until Hajime told him he was being petty). His reply might have been petty

He grins, “Iwa-chan! Let’s take a picture!”

Hajime smiles, “It’s been a while since you last called me that…”

And Tooru realizes it’s true. He feels his eyes water slightly, “Sorry. I’ve just been…it’s been hard…”

“Don’t,” Hajime tells him, “You don’t have to apologize. Ever.”

They take a few pictures but they’re not exactly what Tooru wants, and it isn’t until another expecting couple walks over and offers to take their picture that he’s satisfied. 

He posts the picture onto his Instagram. He hadn’t updated it in months. He thinks it’s easier like this. In the caption he writes: Iwa-chan and I went on a date! Iwa-chan, tell me how pretty I look #pregnantandbeautiful

Read on Ao3 (Send Kudos)

[isindismay]

I finally passed half a million words on ao3. I can't say how much it means to me to be able to share my writing with the world and hear what people think about it. I doubt I'll ever be a published author, but i think the kid who no-one liked who used to write in secret would be pleased to know that they didn't let the haters win and never stopped writing.

[ravenkinnie]

Ah thank you!

I recently started to write my first fanfiction (I’m still working on it since it’s multi chapter). I had A LOT of fun writing it despite not knowing if it’s actually good or bad. But regardless if people would say it’s good or bad I really liked what I wrote for the first like 4-5 days but yesterday I re-read it and suddenly I hated so much of it? Literally cringed at some stuff my brain came up with and felt no (positive) emotion while reading it, at all!

Now like I said it could totally be that my story is objectively bad but is it normal to suddenly feel so differently about what I wrote? I feel embarrassed about it…like I put my feelings into it and that’s wrong

Is there a way to overcome this? I had so much fun writing but now I’m stuck because every new sentence makes me feel..almost ashamed? :(

you have to leave it for a while, there are multiple fics I fucking hated while writing, made peace with it editing and then fucking hated while posting. and then I reread some months later and went yeah this is okay I don't know what's wrong with me. there are very few ones I didn't despise while working on them dhshjsjs I think with time it's easier to push through it because you're able to judge more objectively what you're good at and where you're struggling and accept that it's a process that sometimes produces drafts that suck

if you have a disease where you don't do new things unless you're immediately perfect and natural at them you're going to swing from hating it to thinking its great and fun and that's just something you have to push through. you will notice waaaay more wrongs and holes in your stories than other people reading because you know the ideal you created in your mind before and that means sometimes you will overlook the things that fit that picture and only focus on discrepancies - I think that's what having a beta or writer friends can be good for, so they can look at your wips from an outside perspective but I'm a loner writer who never has a beta shshsjjs

also on a hater note. sometimes you gotta click on things you think will fucking suck and see that they do suck but both OP and people reading enjoy it and think to yourself does it matter if its good if its fun. nobody is winning hugo awards on ao3, its like smashing barbies with words, there's no pressure to be ~good~ if you don't care about it

[olderthannetfic]

[This is for a person with whom I have quite a contrary opinion. And I want to get it off my chest]

You. Have. No. Idea. What. Fanfic. Is.

For you, quality literature has to have the qualities you demand of it. Yes, I agree that you need a minimum of quality in all areas, but a lot of fanfic is written by people who spend their time (for free) to give you a story with characters you already know and want to read in that context.

"But you shouldn't write about real people." You're missing the point of fanfic.

"But you shouldn't use non-LGBTQ+ people/characters for LGBTQ+ stories." You're missing the point of fanfic.

"Sex scenes with real people are disgusting". For you, but not for everyone.

"I hope one day the 14 year old girls who read this kind of fanfic will realise that writing about real people is wrong and move away from the dark and toxic side of fandom." Don't say what people can read or not.

"I hope you grow up and leave your fanfic era to read worthwhile literature." Honey, I can read fanfic and I can read books that were Nobel Prize winners, one thing doesn't take away from the other. Oh, again, you're missing the point of the fanfic.

So please, stop throwing all the bad stuff at fanfic writers and thinking you're mature for reading Stephen King (I guess he can talk about Beverly's boobs because it's not fanfic). And I hope you never leave Wattpad, because if you go on ao3, first you'll faint and then you'll cry about the "atrocities".

You're good at giving writing advice and encouraging new writers, but stop talking about a subject you don't understand and don't want to understand. If I vent here it's because I know that if I write it in your comment box, I'll be the hater and I don't want arguing with people.

[Sorry if I made a mistake. English isn't my first language and I'm really upset right now]

--

There's an interesting thing I read as a kid about language acquisition. It was specifically about vocabulary acquisition among native speakers. The researchers observed that parents, teachers, etc. thought kids should read "good" books that "challenged" them because this would improve vocabulary and comprehension...

But in fact, the thing that most improved reading skills was reading books that were just barely hard. They might have learned only one new word per crappy Nancy Drew, but they read thousands of them and learned thousands of words. The kids reading "good" literature that was much too hard for them learned much less.

Needless to say, I waved this in my mother's face and went back to reading Nancy Drew.

Mom absolutely suffered from Buy The Child Boring And Depressing Literature syndrome, like many intellectual adults. Also, she was terrible at judging a book from the cover blurb and was always buying things she thought would be fun pictures of some cultural moment that were actually about the horrors of war and teenagers fleeing their countries.

I find it hilarious that this person is a Stephen King fan. Nothing wrong with King! He's rightly beloved and famous. But in the minds of Real Literature snobs, he's also fun trash, not Serious Books For Serious People.

That's the danger of snobbery: there's always someone who can show you up.

The only way to win this game is to be completely secure in your own tastes to the point that you don't even care about defending them when people attack.

For me personally, fic made all the difference in my writing ability. I was surprised a few years ago to realize I'd turned into someone who could write the kinds of things I actually want to read. I never used to reread my own work, and I never used to be able to live up to my own standards. Lack of revision was part of it, but that wasn't most of it: I just wasn't very experienced and thus I wasn't very good.

After a decade of writing Yuletide fic and the occasional other thing as the mood struck me, I apparently gained enough experience while not paying attention to level up.

Those 14-year-olds dicking around with Jungkook readerfic or Taekook or Minecraft dumbass RPF or whatever has this person's panties in a twist will probably turn into good writers one day if they just keep writing.

It's a question of stamina as much as anything, and nothing kills stamina faster than elitism.

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON THE END OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY.

Dishonour! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow! 

Well Jason Nation, it happened again, fanon wins over canon. The amount of bullshit that DC made Zdarsky write in this issue is insane, I have never seen this many fanfiction tropes shoved in a single issue in my life.

This book has been a constant insult to Jason’s character and his Red Hood “persona” since the very first issue but I never thought it would end this badly. It’s incredibly sad.

I will go ahead and say it, this tumblr and this post is not “Batfamily” friendly and it definitely isn’t fanon friendly when it comes to Jason Todd.

Fanon is destroying canon for Jason Todd. I am sorry but that’s how I see it, fanon doesn’t belong in canon, I would never get tired of saying that. But here is the thing, DC latches on to Jason’s fanon version because it fits their narrative of “the Batman is all that is right and all must follow his rules or they shall disappear”.

DC has been dying to make Jason bland and flavourless just like Batman. And now here it finally is.

Let’s be honest the story in this book, the new drug, Cheer, Tyler and his mom, none of that shaped this story, none of those things were the support beams for it. It was all about this never ending “daddy issues” thing that DC pretends is going on between Jason and Bruce.

It was all about those two fighting because they “think differently” so in the end they can push Jason towards the “no killing rule” being also the Red Hood’s modus operandi.

Its utter bullshit.

From the moment that Jason had to put a bat suit on I knew that this was going to be a mess. Luckily like I predicted they didn’t make a big deal out of him wearing it but the “Jason admires Batman” feeling was very present in the issue.

I will not talk about how easy it was for that one thug to land a punch on Jason while he was distracted and I will also not talk about Jason being a dumbass for not securing his dumb mask better when he knew the fight will involve gases. I will not talk about it.

Anyway, let’s talk about the Cheer Gas induced illusion, shall we?

In Jason’s illusion he finds Bruce at the manor looking at the picture of Joker’s death (?) and even though that is strange what Bruce says next is even weirder, he says this: “I did it. He was the last one, but I did it…Joker is dead. I am done.”

Now what the hell was that? This is Jason’s illusion, and by the looks of it in his illusion Bruce has killed every baddie in Gotham and left the Joker for last? Am I reading that right? Is this this a joke?

I understand that this is an illusion so the gas is making “real” things that Jason probably doesn’t know he wants, like wanting Bruce to go on a killing spree, which Jason never wanted because he said it himself, do you guys remember the iconic “I’m not talking about killing Cobblepot and Scarecrow or Clayface. Not Riddler or Dent…I’m talking about HIM. Just him.” Because I remember and it’s so important to Jason’s character, Jason never wanted Bruce to go on a killing spree, he wanted Bruce to kill the clown who had killed him when he was only fifteen. Is that so hard to remember DC?

And then it gets worse! Since WHEN has Jason wanted a perfect family life with the people that he has tried to kill, harm or looked down to? Why is “being with a bunch of people who NEVER get together for anything other than “help” the Bat in a fight against a fucking clown” the idea of happiness to Jason? Has this man ever interacted with any of these people in a positive way without the intrusion of a Batman/Robin event in the way? I will give you the answer, it’s no, the answer is no.

Jason Todd doesn’t care for your “Batfamily” bullshit DC, why would it matter to him? Because he was Robin? He was killed by the Joker when he was Robin, and he was killed because the man in charge of him didn’t pay enough attention! Jason Todd who was written as Dick Grayson’s number one hater for so long (and fandom loves that) is now having an illusion where he enjoys happy times with him along the others? Cass and Stephanie? What? Am I missing something, is this actually AO3, is this fanfiction?

I think Zdarsky got confused, this illusion is what would happen if Jason were dosed with fear gas. That must be it, I solved it everyone! Zdarsky just got confused by his own writing!

I wish.

Let’s go back to the sad reality, Jason has a moment in which he actually puts all his training in motion and shakes of the gas’s grasp on him. He does that but he is grabbed by so many people (who are this people?) and he is unarmed and I believe that’s the only reason why Cheer is still alive after saying that he has someone in Tyler’s mom’s hospital room ready to kill her if he doesn’t join him.

(If this were the real Jason, Cheer would have dropped dead instantly.)

But this is not the real Jason and this is not a *real* comic, it’s fanfiction! So just like that time in Batman #100 when Dick was fighting alone as Nightwing (for the first time since his “family” left him alone after losing his memories) the rest of the “family” shows up to fight Cheer and four random thugs.

Yep, its like the MCU had considered having Cap say “Avengers Assemble” when they were fighting a couple of robots instead of Thanos.

What a mess.

Also having Jason say, in real life (not illusion world), “You know what happiness is? It’s knowing that others have your back.” about this group of people is the perfect recipe for a big OOC moment for absolutely everyone. I cannot believe they have dragged Jason back to this awful concept and that they have sank him so low. It’s quite honestly, disgusting.

But the horrors don’t end there, we have a wonderful moment after Jason gives Batman the antidote, Jason stops Batman from punching the living shit out of Cheer. Because I am not stupid. There is no way in the world that you can convince me that Jason just stopped Batman from killing Cheer.

How incredibly delusional do you have to be to write Batman finally killing someone and that someone being Cheer, a guy that was introduced to comics two months ago?

Yes, later its said that between the gas and the antidote Bruce was a little too crazy and couldn’t help himself BUT I call bullshit once more, because Bruce has gone completely bat-shit-crazy on people before! I remember two recent instances in which that happened. Batman #57 in which Bruce beats the living shit out of KGBeast after he shot Dick. And the other one is Batman beating up Jason more brutally than he ever beat up Joker in RHatO #25.

DC cannot fuck with me. I might has bought this digital comic for 8 dollars but I am not buying that bullshit.

ALSO, there was no need for Zdarsky to do Jason as dirty as he did him when he made him say: “If you are going to come down from mount judgement to MY level for once… he’s not the guy to do it for.”

Zdarsky, why did you write a Red Hood story when you hate Red Hood? Couldn’t you have just told DC that you wanted to write a love letter to Batman? Once again, I am reading a Red Hood story for RED HOOD content not Batman content. Is it really that hard? I bet that if Zdarsky had asked DC to let him write a Batman story they would have said yes, there are like 20 Batman stories, they wouldn’t say no to one more!

Can you tell I am mad? And salty?

This post is so long and so full of anger, I am truly sorry for that but I have to write these feelings down or I would explode. And I am not even done, our suffering, Jason Nation, continues.

But first a little break from the pain, Tyler. Thank you after all the pain this book has given me Tyler is back and just like I predicted his mom is fine and he will stay with her, they both have been given a place and money to rebuild their life (not given by Jason nor Dick but I was close enough). The only happy ending that Tyler could have, he had and I am thankful for that, we even got a little adorable moment between the Red Hood and the Blue Hood.

I am weak for these little glimpses of a good Jason take in the middle of an incredibly awful/OOC story. And just to live in my own fantasy world I will headcanon that Jason promised himself to keep an eye out for Tyler and his mom. He would have wanted to know about their life and that they are still out of trouble.

Jason is a good man, don’t you forget that DC, I don’t care how much you twist it. Jason killing Tyler’s dad wasn’t a horrible act, it was fair game. That man was a horrible person, he drugged his child and made his wife (?) almost overdose. You never gave context as to why that man was working as a drug dealer but you told us those things so Jason should never feel like he did something wrong. As far as we know, Tyler and his mom are better off without him.

Having said that, lets go back to the pain of what is reading a Red Hood story.

“I’m giving up the guns.”

You know what, fine, as long as DC doesn’t pull another “I will stop being Red Hood for you Barbara” I will be fine. He can kill people with other things, he used to have the all-blades, he had normal swords and he had crowbars.

I will sacrifice Jason looking hot as hell when he pulls out his guns just to keep him as the Red Hood, all DC has to do is not give him that stupid… bat… symbol… oh no…. oh my god I can feel it… that thing, that horrible thing is making a comeback! NO!

Jason and Bruce’s talk is basic and it doesn’t do anything for anyone, in the end saying that Jason isn’t changing his ways for Bruce but that he is doing it for himself is more of the same. We know he is doing it for Bruce and we know DC is doing it because they cannot handle good, complex and interesting characters. We know that and sadly we have to live with it.

About Bruce’s illusion, well, Bruce has said that he wanted to kill the clown for a very long time and in the King run it was basically said that if Bruce were to be happy then the idea of Batman would die.

Listen, between me and you, sometimes I think that the Joker isn’t that big of a problem for Gotham as a whole, that clown has beef with the Bat and no one else. If Bruce has killed the Joker Jason would have been happy with Bruce all those years ago but killing the Joker wouldn’t make Gotham a safe place and any of his kids happier.

Bruce needs to care for his children, but he won’t do that, he has Dick for that. Taking care and raising Damian? No, thank you, I will not do that. Giving a shit about my son who lost all his memories and is alone? No thank you, I won’t do that and then I will lie about having watched him over. Tim? Oh, never heard of him, sorry.

The last page of this story is the one of Jason arriving home and finding a new suit that Bruce gave him with the bat symbol on it. That symbol that he had ripped off of Jason’s beat up body back in RHatO #25 (nope, I am not letting that one go).

Oh, and Bruce leaving that suit in Jason’s home gives me the same exact vibes as the time that Bruce was like “Long overdue. This is where you belong. As one of us. One of the family” in Nightwing #74 a second after Dick had regained his memories.

I don’t know why but they make him sound incredibly cold and like these people are just his pawns that he needs to rope back in every time they get away from him. It’s very disturbing.

Anyway, that’s all from me, I obviously LOVED this book, best Jason Todd/Red Hood characterisation ever! 11/10 would recommend to everyone including my enemies!

🙃

[amyscascadingtabs]

don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 1]

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.” “Yeah?” Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.” "Won't be a problem."

Amy Santiago doesn't date cops. Jake Peralta's sworn never to date a lawyer again. When a couple of drinks and the returning of a borrowed shirt ends with the two of them in bed together, Amy decides to take control of the situation the best way she knows how: a comprehensive set of rules. There's just one little thing she hadn't anticipated – Jake Peralta is full of surprises.

Written for the B99 Summer 2021 Fic Exchange.

AO3 link // playlist

My contribution to this year’s fic exchange, for @fezzle​! @b99fandomevents​​ 💛

1. i never saw you coming (and i’ll never be the same)

 He gets out of the car, and before Amy can gather the courage to shout after him, he’s disappeared from her sight.

She leans her forehead against the steering wheel, squeezing her fist and punching it in frustration. It doesn’t feel better, just makes her hand hurt. Amy pretends that’s what’s making her eyes tear up, and not the thought that she just screwed up her chances of ever seeing Jake Peralta again.

 five months earlier.

 The cop is five minutes late entering the courtroom, and Amy vows to dislike him from that point onward.

 What's worse is that he doesn't seem ashamed. He simply gives Judge Stewart an apologetic grin, runs a hand through his already messy hair, and sits down on the bench next to the sergeant Amy recognizes as Terry Jeffords. Amy gives him a polite faked smile to tell him she's noted this presence and she's going to win this case, but the cop doesn't seem to notice the toxicity in her facial expression, because she gets another wide grin back. Judging from the colorful marks on his teeth, it looks like he had candy for breakfast – could it be gummy bears? Either way, Amy's respect for the man sinks even lower.

 At least she won't have to worry about him, she tells herself. She already knows this case is about to be a win.

 That is until it turns out this man has a reply for everything. She’d been certain the evidence against her client was circumstantial at best, nowhere near enough to get him convicted on, and the notes she’d gone through from the initial police questioning had lacked significant information. It had been nothing short of sloppy, and she’d entered the courthouse this morning filled with glowing confidence. That same confidence is now seeping away, dripping onto the polished floors of the courtroom in exchange for heated frustration as it turns out the detective – Jake Peralta, she learns – was present at the scene earlier than Amy had gathered, and from the vantage point he had, saw her client running from the corner store at full speed.

“Would you say it’s possible my client was running for a different reason?” She asks, staring coldly into the detective’s eyes as she speaks. “Such as exercising, perhaps?”

“Well, he was carrying a huge green backpack, identical to the one he was wearing when my partner Charles caught him ten minutes later. So, no,” he says, meeting her look with a smug smile of his own. “I would say that’s unlikely.”

“But not impossible?”

“Considering we also found the stolen goods in that same backpack, I’d say the chance is pretty solid it was him.”

“The bags couldn’t have been switched? Or, as my client claims, the goods couldn’t have been dropped in there by someone who wanted to get rid of them?”

“With all due respect,” says Jake Peralta, and the self-assuredness in his voice is enough for her to know the case is lost. “The streets were more crowded than a Taylor Swift concert, your honor. Someone would have seen something.”

 ~

 It’s late Friday afternoon by the time Amy returns to the office of Newsom & Associates, but there’s still plenty of her coworkers left to watch as she throws her briefcase on top of the chair before closing the door to her office and digging out her pack of shame cigarettes from the bottom drawer of her desk. The only window in the room opens out to a back alley with trash cans and forgotten bikes, which is a drab view most of the time but comes in handy for secret shame-smoking. She closes her eyes and leans back against the wall, trying to savor the first inhale. She hates the habit and always tells herself she’s going to quit soon, but at times when work stresses her out like this, there’s no better fix. It’s all Jake Peralta’s fault, anyway. He’d waved at her when they’d left the courtroom, looking genuinely pleased to see her, and that had only worsened her frustration. It’s one thing being defeated – it’s worse when the winner acts like it wasn’t even a big deal.

 “You should stop that.” The sound of Rosa’s voice appearing in the doorway to Amy’s office causes her to inhale too much smoke, coughing and tearing up as she hurries to extinguish the cigarette butt on the windowsill. “It’s gross.”

“I needed it,” Amy coughs again before drying her eyes with the sleeve of her blazer. “You should’ve been there. That fucking detective ruined my defense.”

“So? It happens. Doesn’t make you a bad lawyer. Stop pitying yourself.”

“You’re just saying that because you win nearly all your cases,” Amy mumbles. “And everyone’s terrified of you.”

Rosa does a little shrug, but Amy thinks she can spot the hint of a smile on her lips. She can’t be certain, though. Rosa almost never smiles, but that’s not nearly the most terrifying thing about her. She also rides her motorcycle to court and wears leather jackets and skin-tight black jeans to trials, and somehow no one's ever dared to police her on it. Amy once asked her out of curiosity if putting on a blazer would really hurt that much, and the stare she got back told her she’d be a fool to make that mistake again.

“Either way, it's not that. It was that cop who ruined everything. I mean, he showed up late, for god’s sake, with candy in his teeth and a wrinkled suit! But he somehow had an answer and explanation for everything,” Amy snorts. “And he smiled the whole time like he’d already won. And he referenced Taylor Swift! During the trial! Who does that?”

Rosa lets out a laugh. “You're a Swift hater? God, please don't tell me you took Kanye’s side too.”

“I didn't – that's beside the point!”

“Which is?”

“That he has zero respect for the sacred rules of a courtroom, and gets away with it all because of that super-charm smile.”

“Yeah, you mentioned the smile. Twice.”

“It was just so…” She clenches her fist until her red nails press into her palm to the point of pain, then releases it. “It's fine. I’ll win my next case, and there are lots of cops in New York. I probably won't ever see him again.”

 ~

 Amy can barely hide her frustration in court the next week when she hears the doors open and looks up from the papers she was sorting, only to see Jake Peralta for the second time in her life. He’s on time today, which she supposes is progress, but there are stains on his shirt that seem to be coming from the can of orange soda he’s holding in his hand. She wonders if it's his breakfast. If that's his diet, he looks surprisingly fit in a grey suit for it.

 He grins again when he sees her, raising his hand in a lazy wave. Amy gives him a forced smile, then returns to her papers. She’ll have to make sure to win this time.

 But despite her confidence and very best efforts, she loses to Jake Peralta yet another time.

And another.

And another.

 It's not that she's suddenly magically unlucky, because she still manages to win several other cases, but every time Jake Peralta shows up to testify, without fault, Amy loses.

It infuriates her.

 The worst part is that Jake seems oblivious to her anger. He smiles at her every time they leave the courtroom, even though she returns them with little to no genuineness at all. She once spots him doing a childish victory gesture outside the courthouse, but he never once takes the opportunity to brag about his win to her face.

 Aside from his surprisingly good manners when it comes to bragging, though, he's a mess. There's always some kind of stain on his shirt or his cheek that he seems unaware of, his ways of describing things involve one too many pop culture references for Amy’s liking, and she starts preparing to meet him every time a detective is five minutes late. She wonders if no one's ever told him how one is supposed to behave in a courtroom, but he’s usually accompanied by the precinct’s sergeant, so that seems unlikely. The more likely option, Amy figures, is that he just doesn't seem to find it that important; especially considering he seems to get away with it every single time.

 She swears it's all because of that stupid infectious smile.

 ~

 It pleases Amy to no end when she learns that Jake Peralta is going to be the witness in one of the strongest cases she’s had in a long while. The client was clearly acting in self-defense, she has a witness of her own who can testify to that, and although she knows that nothing is for certain until the verdict falls, she’s got a good feeling about this one. Finally, the day has come for Jake Peralta to watch her win.

 At first, the state attorney’s case seems solid. Jake is assisted by a short, round-faced man with dark brown hair and an expression that looks like he’s seconds away from apologizing for taking up everyone’s time, but his suit is matched and perfectly straight and he gets right to the point without any odd references, so Amy still earns a fair amount of respect for detective Charles Boyle. He and Jake had entered the subway car after hearing about a fight taking place, and stepped on just in time to watch her client aim a closed-fist punch at the face of the man on top of him. It’s clear and convincing, but Amy knows that after the recess, it will be her time to shine. She loves these moments, when it’s obvious the other side thinks they have it in the bag but she knows something they don’t, and they have no idea what’s coming. She knows trials are about justice and not personal victories – but she’s only human. Winning is always a thrill.

 She’s thinking about how she’s going to be celebrating her win later this evening when Jake Peralta bumps into her at the coffee shop neighboring the courthouse. As in, literally bumps into her, with his elbow when he hurries forward to grab a plastic cup with whipped cream and so much caramel syrup on top of the coffee that Amy pities his dentist.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry… wait, it's you!” He shines up as if he’d just seen a past good friend, and Amy’s once more taken aback by how polite he is. A lot of cops she meets during trials either tend to make fun of her profession or glare bitterly at her from a distance, but Jake's doing neither. He even reaches out his free hand to shake hers, so she accepts. “Jake Peralta – wow, you have a very firm handshake.”

“I took a seminar. Amy Santiago.”

“Where?” He asks, but she ignores him and moves forward in line to order her coffee with milk.

“Nothing for your client? Wow. I’d expected you to have better manners than that, Santiago.”

“I offered, but he wanted to spend recess with his partner for moral support. See?” She raises a brow at him. “I do have manners.”

There's that smile again, up close this time, and Amy's relieved when the barista hands her the coffee so she can hide the involuntary blush in her cheeks. She never noticed he had dimples before.

“So, how are you feeling about the rest of the trial, then? Ready to go defend the guilty guy?”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Peralta. Famously one of the most sacred principles in the American justice system. And I was born ready.”

“And lose. The whole question was, are you ready to go defend the guilty guy and lose, and you said you were born that way.” Jake grins in a way that makes him look like an overgrown mischievous school kid. Maybe not that far off, Amy thinks.

“Twist my words all you want, I am winning this case.” She hesitates for a moment, noticing Jake's detective partner looking at the two of them from a table in the corner of the room. Not normally something she'd be that creeped out by, if it hadn't been for the fact that the man isn’t tearing his eyes away from them, and he looks weirdly overjoyed. “Uhm, is detective Boyle okay? He's staring at us pretty intensely.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, he has… an eye condition.” Jake turns around and mouths something that looks to be BOYLE, and the man rolls his eyes before stalking away. “Ignore him. Anyway… so what do you think about the judge?”

 Amy's about to launch into a description of her good experience with judge Myers when someone brushes past her with their iced coffee in a hurry, losing control of the plastic cup. The unsecured lid wobbles, and before Amy realizes what’s about to happen, cold coffee splashes onto her earlier pristine white blouse. “Fuck!” She reaches for a bunch of paper napkins and tries to dab the worst away with them, but the milky coffee is already seeping through the fabric and leaving an obvious stain that her blazer can’t hide.

“What a jerk,” Jake mutters, glaring in the direction of where the stranger disappeared.

“Never mind that! I don’t have another shirt! I can’t go into a courtroom looking like this! Unlike you, I actually care about whether my clothes have giant stains on them!”

“First of all, rude, and second of all, they’re not giant.”

“I don’t care. I’m screwed. Fuck, I don’t have time to run back home before the trial starts – I guess I could call Rosa –”

“Hey, hey.” Jake holds up his hands as if trying to calm her down, which only makes Amy more frustrated. “I know this is kind of crazy, but, I have a shirt in my car that I was planning to return to my ex. But emphasis on ex, so…” He shrugs. “You could borrow it?”

 Amy considers her options. On the one hand, she figures there’s about an eighty percent chance that whatever Jake has in his car also has some kind of mysterious stain on it, but on the other hand, she took the subway today and there's no way she’ll make it to her apartment and back before the court is back in session. Asking for a longer recess is an option, but making everyone wait simply because she needs a change of clothes makes her too uncomfortable to even consider.

“Fine,” she relents. “Where's your car?”

 Jake's car turns out to be an old Mustang, which Amy can tell even from her strictly limited car-knowledge is pretty impressive, but she doesn't understand how he can find anything in there. The backseat is a mess of empty orange soda bottles, a couple of frisbees, candy wrappers, what looks to be cartoons and old CDs, and the cup holders have shaving foam next to another can of orange soda. She's equally surprised and impressed when he pulls out a clean, dark blue charmeuse blouse. Whoever Jake's ex-girlfriend was, she seems to have both taste and money.

“You're totally saving my day today,” she says as he gives it to her. “You really didn't have to.”

“Prove that cops aren't all bad?” Amy rolls her eyes, and Jake laughs. “Just kidding. You have to give it back, though.”

“As soon as I’ve washed it. Wait, we have to be able to get in touch.” She digs in the inside pocket of her briefcase and pulls out two of her business cards. “I’m assuming you don't have any, so write your number on the back of that one.”

“Rude, but correct.” He scribbles down something on one of the cards before giving it back. “I’ll see you up there, then… Amy Santiago.”

Something about the way he says her name, slowly and with perfect pronunciation, makes her want to hear it again. She hurries back into the building and toward the bathrooms, hopefully before he can tell that she's blushing.

 “The defense may call the next witness.”

“The defense calls Elinor Simons.” Amy can feel everyone's eyes on her as well as the witness as a young girl, no more than eighteen, walks up to the stand. She's pale, but she looks determined, and Amy gives her a comforting smile as she swears the oath.

 Elinor’s voice trembles at her first words, but Amy keeps steady eye contact with her, and soon she’s speaking louder and less hesitant. She had been on her way to her friend’s house when she entered the same subway car as the two young men, and had overheard the two of them fighting over something. Sitting only a few seats away from them in the near-empty car, she’d noticed the defendant looking scared, and out of curiosity, had turned off her music. She’d heard the man who’d later gotten attacked – Mr. Lorentz – scream that the defendant was an asshole, and then she’d seen him push him to the floor, much unlike the way the prosecution had described a course of events in which both men had slipped. It had scared her, so she’d gotten up to walk away, but before she could move she’d seen Mr. Lorentz leaning down.

“It looked like he was about to hit the defendant,” she says without wavering, and Amy can see a few of the jury members nodding in understanding. “And even if they were about the same size, Mr. Lorentz looked really strong. The defendant tried, but it seemed to me like he was unable to get up. I remember thinking this wasn’t going to end well, so I headed for the end of the car before they noticed me.”

“And you’re sure of what you saw?”

“Completely sure. I only found out later that the defendant was a cousin of my sister’s boyfriend, which is how I learned about the trial.”

Amy nods and clasps her hands together, trying to assume a confident stance as she keeps her eyes focused on the witness stand. “Elinor, in the position he was in, do you believe that the defendant would have been scared?”

“I think anyone would have been.”

“So the punch witnesses watched the defendant throw, could it have been in self-defense?”

“Yes. Yes, I think so.”

Amy smiles. “Thank you. No further questions.”

 The prosecution’s closing arguments are short and precise, sticking entirely to the part of the events that took part after the police walked in. The district attorney, a balding man in his fifties, as good as overlooks Elinor’s testimony in favor of focusing in on detailed descriptions of the headaches Mr. Lorentz had experienced after the event, and that alone is enough to make Amy’s blood boil; but instead she just sits there, waiting with a polite smile on her lips.

 Finally, the other attorney sits down, and the judge nods at Amy to stand up. During her very first trials, this moment used to freak her out – everyone’s eyes on her and waiting expectantly – but with time she’s come to love this. It reminds her of the thrill of getting the last word in a heated fight with her siblings when she was younger, only now, she doesn’t have to shout to be heard. Everyone’s already listening.

 “Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: it’s correct that the defendant hit Mr. Lorentz on that train. He admits to doing so himself.” Amy nods to the young man sitting next to her, fidgeting nervously with the cuffs on his shirt. “But there is one key aspect which the prosecution has so conveniently chosen to ignore, and that is the events which led up to Mr. Petersen’s actions. A background which he not only has explained clearly himself, but which is also backed up by Ms. Simmons’ testimony.” She gestures with her hand to Elinor.

“You see, Mr. Petersen wasn’t acting unprovoked. When the incident happened, he had been pushed to the floor, and like both my client and the witness described, he was unable to get up. Mr. Lorentz himself admits to practicing weightlifting; he’s not a weak man, and in the moment, he was clearly upset with the defendant. As Ms. Simmons put it… “ She takes a break to gather the attention of everyone in the room. “Anyone in that position would have been terrified.”

“Under New York Law, Penal Law paragraph thirty-five point fifteen, a person is justified in using physical force against another, when that person is under the reasonable belief that the physical force is necessary to defend the person from what they reasonably believe to be the illegal imminent use of force or the illegal use of force. Mr. Petersen was stuck, and under the reasonable belief that Mr. Lorentz could hurt him unless he managed to free himself. He acted in self-defense, which I remind you that the prosecution has not been able to disprove. In fact, the case against Mr. Petersen cannot be proved against reasonable doubt, which means that you must find him… not guilty.”

 From the other side of the room, she swears she can feel Jake’s eyes on her. When she looks up, she sees him mouthing nice job.

 ~

 “What did you say he looked like, now again? Except for crazy hot and adorable?” Kylie takes another sip of her mojito, spying over the crowded bar.

“Okay, I said neither of those things.”

Kylie shrugs. “Didn’t have to.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Brown hair, brown eyes, medium height, I guess kind of a bigger nose… and I don’t know what he wears outside of court, but there was a leather jacket in the front seat of his car, so maybe that?” She strains her neck to try and see through the Friday night crowd. She’s never been to this particular Brooklyn bar before, but Jake had suggested it when Amy asked about a good place to give him back the shirt, and she’d figured after a long week, she might as well treat herself to a couple of after-work drinks with a friend. After being asked about the so-called mystery hottie five times, though, she’s starting to regret bringing Kylie along.

“Mm, that’s like, all the guys in here… oh, wait, that one’s waving to you!” Kylie points to a figure near the door, elbowing Amy in the side and causing her to nearly choke on her wine. She’s still coughing when Jake walks up to them, trying to offer him a smile while drying her eyes. Jake looks politely confused, but shakes Kylie’s hand in the meantime.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she says with a meaning wink to Amy before sliding off the leather barstool, leaving it for Jake. “Have a good night!”

“Ignore her.” Amy sighs. “Sorry, I…”

“No, no worries,” Jake says, and the honest care in his expression makes her feel oddly warm. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” She waves a dismissive hand and picks up the dry-cleaning bag hanging on the back of her chair. “Well, here’s the shirt. Thank you for the loan. Or thank your ex, I suppose.”

“Dry-cleaned, really? You truly are type A.”

“What about it?”

“Nothing, it makes sense.” He nods to the glass in her hand. “Celebrating Tuesday’s win?”

“Something like that. It was Monday, though,” she can’t stop herself from correcting him. “I don’t get a lot of time off. Gotta make the best out of it.”

“Yeah, me neither. Do you mind if I join you for another drink? Or maybe you should do water, in case you choke again?”

Something about the way he poses it like a challenge makes her take the glass, put it to her lips, and swallow the rest of the wine in one gulp. “I think I can handle it.”

 They pay for their own drinks, because whatever this meeting is, it’s definitely not a date, and it makes Amy relieved that Jake doesn’t seem to think so either.

“A toast,” he suggests. “To your win this week. I gotta give it to you, those closing statements were solid.”

“To justice,” Amy says, and they raise their beer bottles in unison. “And my win. Finally.”

“Yeah, what has it been, like, five wins for me?”

“Four, but dream on, Peralta.”

Jake laughs. The dimples in his cheeks become even more prominent when he laughs, Amy notes. “Have you always been this intense about winning cases, then? Or is it something that comes with law school? Like there’s a class in being petty about this stuff?”

You’re intense too, she thinks, but doesn’t say it out loud. “Maybe. I have seven brothers, and I was the only girl. I got pretty good at winning fights using other things than physical strength when I was a kid. Actually, sometimes physical strength, too.”

“I feel like you could beat someone up if you wanted to. You could surprise them.”

“Oh, I could most definitely beat someone up if I wanted to. But I stuck to arguing. I got good at it. And I always had good grades, so I ended up at Columbia, and I’ve never really regretted it.” She takes a swig of her beer. “Not even when cops call me the devil.”

“I wouldn’t call you the devil,” Jake says. “I mean, do I think you lack a bit of a moral compass? Probably. But each to their own.”

She leans her head a little bit to the side, eyeing him closely. “Why do you think that?”

“Well, you have to defend people that you know did awful things, right? Doesn’t that make you feel sick sometimes?”

“I don’t have to defend their actions. Most times, it’s not even about that. It’s about making sure the trial is fair, the evidence is sufficient and their rights are respected, so that if there’s a conviction, it’s actually beyond any reasonable doubt. I like to believe most people are better than their worst moments. I see it as my job to make sure they’re treated that way.”

“Huh.” Jake nods slowly. “Guess I never thought of it that way.”

“Plus,” she winks, “someone’s gotta hold you guys accountable, right?”

“Fine.” He shakes his head. “Hey, did you say you went to Columbia? My captain’s husband teaches law there. Did you ever have a Kevin Cozner?”

“No way! Your captain is Raymond Holt?” She’s speaking way too loudly, she can tell from the way other people are glancing at her, but Jake looks entertained. “Sorry, it’s just – Professor Cozner was my favorite constitutional law teacher. I still send him and Raymond Christmas cards every year!”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.” Jake grins. “But, how weird is that? Almost like the universe is bringing us together or something.”

Amy thinks that it’s not that weird, since Kevin must teach hundreds of students every year that g on to become lawyers, but she kind of wants to keep seeing that smile on Jake’s face forever, so she nods. “So weird.”

 They order another drink, plus some chips and nuts when Jake realizes he forgot to eat dinner, and move to another table in the back of the room. Amy’s surprised how comfortable she feels in his presence. It’s like she can’t wipe the smile off her face but doesn’t want to, and with time and a little more alcohol, jokes that she barely would have noticed on any other day become laugh-out-loud funny. It feels natural, even though she’s not sure how, and she tries not to glance at the clock on the wall when he doesn’t either. She’s got work to do tomorrow and she can’t stay out forever, but she doesn’t want to be reminded that this evening has to end at some point.

 “So what made you become a cop, then?” She asks when she realizes she’s the only one who’s shared her origin story tonight. “Childhood superhero dreams?”

Jake shines up like he’s been waiting for the question all night. “Oh, that’s easy. Die Hard.”

“Really?”

“For sure. Actually, my mom said I was always good at protecting people, so I ended up doing it for a job. But I think that’s bullshit. It was definitely Die Hard.”

“I’ve never seen it,” Amy confesses, and Jake stares at her like she just insulted his entire being. “But if you want a cop movie, my top three’s Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo.”

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong! How can you not have seen Die Hard? It’s classic, man!”

“I just never did! How many lawyer movies have you seen, then?”

“Uhm…” Jake squints. “Charles made me watch Legally Blonde once? It was pretty good, honestly.”

“Well, duh, that movie is a cinematic masterpiece and a feminist work of art. How feminist is Die Hard, from a scale of one to ten?”

“Hey! Holly Gennaro does plenty of cool stuff throughout the movies! You’re just going to have to watch them yourself.”

“I can almost guarantee you I won’t.”

“Fine, but you’re missing out.” He grabs a couple of peanuts from the jar between them, throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. “Cool trick, right?”

Amy raises an eyebrow. “Is this what you do at work all day?”

“I did teach myself that during stakeouts, but no. Whatever. Throw me another one.” She does, and he catches it again, this time almost sliding off the barstool in the process. She laughs a bubbling laugh as he does it another time. “Now you.”

“Fine. Try me.” The peanut flies through the air between them, and she tries to dive for it, but it just ends up landing at her feet. “Okay, another one.” She misses that one too. “Okay, there must be something wrong with these nuts.”

“Title of your sextape.”

“Title of my what?”

“Nevermind.” Jake laughs. “You just need some practice. Maybe at work? It could liven up a trial.”

“Nuh-uh, don’t need practice. Just need a better tactic.” Without thinking, she grabs a handful of them this time, throwing them in the air. This time, she catches a few of them in her mouth, while the rest end up spread over the couch and floor. “The key is volume!”

“Yeah, and the bartender is looking at you like he wants to kill you, so maybe don’t do it again or we’ll get thrown out.”

“It’s fine, I’m a lawyer.”

“That phrase works well to get out of trouble?”

“If you know what you’re doing. We could order more drinks to keep him happy?”

“Shots?”

“I’m down if you’re down.”

 Jake orders a Kamikaze shot for each of them, and as she reaches forward to take the second glass, her hand brushes against the top of his for a moment longer than necessary, resting there. It’s warm, and it feels calloused but somehow soft at the same time. They look at each other, his light brown eyes staring into hers, and she feels instantly hyper-aware that they’re around far, far, too many people.

She lets go of his hand, taking the shot and swallowing it before anyone can notice what’s happening. It smells like sour hand sanitizer and burns going down, and she laughs at Jake’s grimace when he drinks his.

“God, every time.” He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “Hey, I know this is crazy, but… do you maybe want to get out of here? We could have another drink at my place… watch Die Hard… whatever.”

“Mm, yeah. Maybe I should check that the shirt gets back to your place properly?”

“Shirt? What shirt? Oh, right, fuck, the shirt!” Jake spins in place, rushing back to the table where they were just sat. “Shit, I probably spilled beer on it, Sophia’s going to be pissed now...”

“It’s still in the bag, smartass.” Amy shows him. “Ta-da. Shirt’s still clean. Comes in handy being type A sometimes, huh?”

Jake sighs. “I know you're making fun of me, but I could seriously kiss you right now.”

 Maybe it’s the four drinks, maybe it’s the thrill that comes with how rarely she does this, or maybe it’s just sheer and wild impulse, but Amy finds herself whispering,

“Maybe we should get out of here, then.”

 ~

 Amy learns a lot of things that night.

 She learns that Jake Peralta is a seriously good kisser, tasting faintly of orange soda beneath the alcohol and salt, and that being pressed against his front door with his hands protecting her head strikes the perfect balance between feeling adventurous and safe. She learns that he’s never really quiet, soft moans and sighs filling the room in the breaks between their kisses, but that the sound only makes her want more.

 She learns that he wears even more layers than her. Beneath the leather jacket and hoodie is a checkered blue flannel that has way too many buttons for her liking right now, and she curses her slight tipsiness while working at them one by one. When she's finally done, Jake pulls the grey t-shirt over his head, and she barely has time to pause to admire how he somehow can look fit despite that catastrophic diet, or the curls on his chest that are begging for her to run her fingers through them, before he's asking “my turn?”. She learns that Jake Peralta is impatient, that his hands work fast on the buttons of her cerise shirt, and that he gets adorably confused when he can't find the button on her suit pants.

“It's on the side,” she tells him and shows him the zipper, and then they're both giggling until she kisses him like that and it's back on again.

 She learns that his hands feel good, sliding slowly up the sides of her stomach and back and rubbing against her shoulder blades. She unclasps the white t-shirt bra for him, smiling to herself as he swallows quickly.

“God, you’re hot,” he whispers, and the soft bites he trails down her chest and stomach make her feel that way, too.

 They move to his bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind them, and then she’s underneath him and breathing hard as his mouth moves lower, closer. The anticipation of it all is driving her mad, but then he looks up at her and asks “okay?” with the most sincere and caring expression, and Amy’s had very, very few one-night-stands in her life, but she’s certainly never had one like this.

“Okay,” she nods, and there’s that familiar grin again, but this time it makes her feel warm in a very specific place.

 She learns that Jake Peralta can do a whole lot more with his mouth than talking people’s ears off. His breath ghosts over her through her underwear at first, warming her up even though it’s barely even necessary, and then he’s finally pulling down the black material and helping her kick them off. His tongue is careful at first, just tasting her as if to gauge her expression, but then she nods at him to continue and the next second, her head is thrown back as she lets out a gasp.

 She learns that he likes it when she pulls his hair. At first, her hands are just lightly tangling in it for practicality, but then she holds on tighter as a means of control when her legs begin to tense up and the familiar pressure is starting to rise. She’s raising her hips slightly only to lower them again, helping him get her there, and the curls of his hair are just begging to be pulled.

“Do that again,” he pauses to say, so she tugs his hair harder and he straight-up moans.

 She learns that he can make her scream, which she wasn’t expecting, and she rocks through the euphoric waves and pants and practically melts into the bed as she comes down from it.

“That good?” He winks, and she wants to roll her eyes, but he did just make her come harder than she remembers doing in a long time, so she kisses the smile off of him instead, tasting her arousal on his lips.

She learns that he's respectful and a gentleman, telling her that they can stop this here if she'd rather, but she doesn’t want to, and they don’t. He has to rifle through the drawer in his bedside table for a while before he finds a condom – maybe he doesn’t do this as often as she’d thought, maybe it’s another sign of his poor organization skills, but he finds one soon enough so she’s not sure she cares – and then it’s a little bit of a blur, but she rolls it on him with precise strokes and lowers herself on top of him and oh my god.

 She learns that when he looks at her, when he touches her, it makes her feel powerful and special all at once. He plays with her boobs as she sets the pace, his thumbs rolling against her nipples in a way she didn’t realize she liked, and she picks up her rhythm, clenching around him and leaning back on his raised thighs.

 She learns just how enjoyable it is to watch him fall apart underneath her. His pace stutters and he curses, groaning a confession of how close he is, and she could almost come again from watching him alone but she brings two fingers to her clit and touches herself anyway. He finishes before her, spilling out inside the condom with a moan that she can only imitate, collapsing against his chest as she brings herself to orgasm again right after him.

 When they're done learning, they collapse together in his bed. For a moment, Amy considers turning around and calling a cab home, because that would be the most responsible thing to do, but then Jake throws an arm around her to pull her closer, and after all, she's still a little tipsy.

What harm could it possibly do, anyway?

 ~

 Sharp, unforgiving morning light wakes Amy up before her alarm the next morning. She must have forgotten to close the blinds last night, she thinks, and rolls over on the other side so the light doesn't hurt her eyes. She expects the usual greeting of a sea of pillows, and has to stop herself from letting out a yelp of surprise when instead, she's hit with a wall of Jake sleeping with his back to her. A vague memory of them falling asleep like this hits her. He’d wanted to be the little spoon, she remembers.

 At first, knowing that intimate fact about him makes her feel proud. Then it makes her panic.

 She jumps out of bed, throwing off her part of the comforter in search of her clothes. She finds her underwear and bra together with her shirt, trying to dress as quietly as possible, quick before Jake wakes up and discovers that she's half-naked in his apartment and they have to have a very, very awkward talk –

“Amy? What are you doing?”

Too late.

 She freezes on the spot, chewing on her lip as she fumbles for an explanation. Jake’s eyes rake over her with curiosity, which somehow feels a lot more exposing today than it did last night, and it's making her lose track of her words. His bed head curls and disoriented smile is decidedly not helping her focus.

“We slept together last night,” she manages.

Jake’s smile grows wider and prouder as he sits up fully in bed. Amy blushes as she notices the shadow of two hickeys way too close to his neck to be professional.

“Yeah, I was there.”

“Very funny.” She sees her pants thrown across the back of a massage chair and quickly reaches for them. “But this… You know this can’t be a thing, right? Just so we're on the same page about it.”

Jake frowns. “What do you mean with a thing?”

“This – us – we can't date, Jake. I know that. You know that.”

He’s silent for a moment before he fakes a shudder. “Yeah, yeah, no. I’ve dated lawyers before. Never ends well.”

“You have?” The reveal surprises her. “It doesn't matter. This can’t happen.”

“I know.”

“Good,” she exhales. “I’m just going to find my clothes, then, and then I’m going to leave.”

“Hey, wait.” He twists his hands together, bringing them to his chin with a smile. “This is going to sound weird, but… even if nothing can happen between us, I’m still glad we had sex last night.”

 The confession takes her by surprise, and Amy wonders again if she just doesn't know anything about one-night-stands. Sleep together, have fun, sneak out in the morning before anything can go deeper – isn't that how it's supposed to go? If so, she's majorly failing, because she can't stop herself from giving him another shy smile in return.

“Me too. Just because, we were like… really good at it.”

“Stupid good!” Jake exclaims. “It makes no sense!”

“We still can't date, though,” she reminds him. “So how do we work this out?”

“Well, it sort of looked like you were planning to just leave, and I’m not going to stop you if that's your choice, but… there is one more option.”

“What are you thinking?”

“We could be friends with benefits,” he shrugs. “None of the commitment, none of the weird incompatibilities between a cop and a lawyer, just us and some stupid good sex.”

“Friends with benefits? Do the kids really say that, still?”

“I’m saying you could consider it.”

 Amy's first instinct is to protest, to say absolutely not and leave on the spot. Her relationship history may not contain that many names, but at least they’ve all been fairly straightforward and conventional. She's never done something like this before, and the mere idea of jumping into something so unknown with someone like Jake scares her shitless.

 Then again, she's also never been with someone like Jake. Yesterday hadn't been a date, but it had still been better than all the awkward dinners and half-hearted walks she's been at since she broke up with Teddy a year ago. And the sex – well, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't already thinking of doing that again.

 “There would need to be rules,” she says.

“Sure, we can come up with some.”

“I’ll write a contract.”

“We need a contract?”

“Yeah,” she decides. “If this is going to work, we need a comprehensive set of rules, and they need to be written down, because I don't trust you not to adjust them in your head last minute.”

“How am I attracted to you? But, fine.”

Amy shakes her head, closing the last button on the shirt that had been left unbuttoned until now. “So… I’ll put together a draft and bring it over tonight? Your place?”

Jake gapes at her for a moment like he can't believe what he hears, but then he nods. “I’m free.”

“Cool. I’ll see you tonight, then.” With that, she pulls on her socks and shoes, leaving before she can freak out again.

“Cool, cool,” she hears just before closing the door. “Friends with benefits. Cool, cool, cool, cool… cool.”

 ~

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: Breaking Point

Relationships: Caline Bustier & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Characters: Caline Bustier, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Max Kanté, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Juleka Couffaine, Lila Rossi, Tikki

Tags: caline bustier salt, Reveal, Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste Knows, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Caline Bustier Knows, ml salt, Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Bad Classroom Environments, Gaslighting, enablers, Bullying ,Salt, Identity Reveal, Spitefic, Swearing, Adrien Sugar

Summary: '“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.' 

Note: This was written based on a prompt by @norakwami.

AO3 link

------

Marinette wasn’t really paying attention to Mme. Bustier’s lecture. To be fair, it was about career options and how to achieve them, something she had researched so completely she already had a list of universities she intended to apply to, along with possible companies to intern, all carefully tabbed in a binder at home that was also slowly filling with application and portfolio ideas.

Given that she was only fourteen and still had four more years before she reached the point of applying, she was ahead of the game. Perhaps she could be considering going to another lycée instead of the feeder for Collège Françoise Dupont, perhaps somewhere private that had a focus on fashion. But she didn’t want to put pressure on her parents, who would have to pay the tuition for such an institution, when she was already winning awards and making a name for herself through designing for Jagged Stone and the up-and-coming Kitty Section, among others.

“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Marinette felt frozen by that stare, pinned like a ladybug by an entomologist. How could she know? Did other people notice her stare?

“Ladybug is almost certainly harming her civilian future through these superhero antics, which prevent her from fulfilling all her obligations.”

Alya snorted. “That’s not Ladybug’s fault—it’s Hawkmoth’s. Ladybug protects the city. And maybe Paris should pay her for her services!”

“Ladybug is a teenager who should be concentrating on school,” Mme. Bustier declared, still staring holes into Marinette.

“Ladybug has never released her age,” Adrien murmured, his voice sounding strained. “So that’s conjecture, Mme. Bustier. How does this have to do with our future careers?”

To her horror, he turned and followed her gaze to Marinette.

She felt as though she might hyperventilate, panic rising in her gut. If she was compromised, that put her family and friends at risk, put the Miracle Box at risk, played right into Hawkmoth’s hands. She’d never been good at a poker face, and she wasn’t sure whether she was managing now.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and she knew she’d failed, at least with him. Kwami, she hoped she could trust him.

“I’m glad you asked, Adrien. For instance, Marinette, would you please share your current preparation for your future career.”

All eyes were on her, and she could feel the thoughts swirling around them as she was called out. She swallowed, trying to push it all down.

“I-I… I have a binder. At home. F-fifteen different universities with fashion p-programs. In order of where I want to go most. Also c-companies that offer internships.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves—it helped a bit. “I’ve started my portfolio, including the b-bowler hat that won M. Agreste’s contest, and my work for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and p-pictures of clothing I’ve designed and made.”

She could hear murmurs around her, and Alya gave a low whistle beside her.

“Girl, no wonder you don’t sleep. You’re on top of this!”

Mme. Bustier’s mouth became a thin line, her lips pressed together as though she was irritated.

Marinette wished keenly that Master Fu was still around, could handle this situation. She’d come to realize Mme. Bustier was a terrible teacher, enabling bullying and shaming victims as though they were at fault for their treatment. But this was a whole new level of awful.

“Still, the way you run off during Akuma attacks interrupts your daily life and prevents you from—”

“We all run away during Akuma attacks! They disrupt all our daily lives.”

Adrien stood, his back rigid from tension.

“Marinette has been personally targeted multiple times during Akuma attacks. So have I! A lot of this has been documented on the LadyBlog. It’s traumatizing—and we keep our memories of that because we’re not the Akuma. I run and hide, personally. Why would you shame Marinette for that?”

The class fell silent, and glancing around Marinette could see the tension in their faces, their own memories of being chased by Akuma.

Adrien had moved this away from the idea of Marinette being Ladybug to her being shamed for her reaction to Akumas. He was protecting her. And she loved him all the more for it.

“There was Evillustrator,” Marinette murmured, jumping on the red herring.

She glanced at Nathanaël apologetically. He offered a sad smile.

“I had to help Chat Noir with that. It was scary. André Glacier became Glaciator and came looking for me, and Chat Noir saved me from getting frozen. And Gamer was looking for me. Chat Noir saved me again.”

She could see Max wince across the aisle.

“Reflekta turned me into her clone because she was mad at me. And it was my fault.”

Marinette turned and mouthed ‘sorry’ to Juleka.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Juleka whispered, then cringed as she realized her voice had carried far enough for everyone to hear.

She smiled, then turned back to the front.

“My own grandmother tried to turn me into coal when she was Akumatized because she was upset I wasn’t like eight years old anymore—Chat Noir saved me again there, too. And then my dad was Akumatized and Chat Noir and Ladybug had to save me again.”

Marinette hadn’t been able to transform, needing to be saved as a civilian before she could get back as Ladybug. Too many of them had been so public she’d had to trust Chat Noir would be able to hold his own until she got there—and she did, but she was afraid sometime that would be fatal.

“And I saw footage when Adrien was dropped from a building and then when Volpina pretended to drop him from the Eiffel Tower. That’s terrifying!”

She didn’t turn around to look at Lila. Instead she looked at Adrien, who was still standing, alternating between glaring at Mme. Bustier and glancing back at her with concern in his eyes.

“And then there’s mind control Akumas, like with Miracle Queen. I’m scared of Akumas, Mme. Bustier. Even when they’re across the city, they won’t always stay there, and I want to hide. And I refuse to be ashamed of that!”

It wasn’t a lie, either. Civilian her absolutely wanted to hide—and did, just behind a mask.

She turned her attention to the teacher, keeping her back straight, remembering she had Adrien on her side, even if she wished he didn’t know—damn Bustier for that. Marinette steeled herself.

“I don’t understand why you’ve singled me out to try to imply I alone am somehow failing to perform because of Akumas, but you always seem to do this. I’m at fault for being bullied. I need to be an example and not react when my belongings are destroyed and my locker is broken into. Or when someone gets me expelled by somehow putting test answers in my bag and a new Gabriel-brand necklace—supposedly an heirloom—in my locker that’s been broken into before. I’ve spent the last year feeling I’m not allowed to have emotions. But this is the last straw.”

Marinette stood, picking up her bag. When she glanced down Tikki was giving her the Kwami version of a thumbs up.

“Frankly, Mme. Bustier, you have been toxic for my mental health for quite some time. Time I’ve spent researching to discover what you’re doing isn’t appropriate for the classroom; it’s abusive and reportable. If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to the M. Damocles, as well as my parents. And perhaps the Board of Governors, as I am no longer willing to tolerate this treatment and its continued harm to my education.”

With that, she marched down the stairs, past an open-mouthed Bustier, and out of the classroom, holding her head high.

Once in the open hallway, clear of the windows, she deflated.

“Well, fuck,” she whispered. “I guess I get to do research on a new collège, too.”

She supposed, at least, she’d been successful at diverting Bustier from the Ladybug accusations; the last thing she needed was for Ladybug-hater Lila to know and come after her.

“You and me both.”

Adrien’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She was relieved to see no one else had followed him. She could hear the hullaballoo of the classroom behind her, all control having been lost.

He quirked a grin. “We’re in it together, Bugaboo. As always.”

She stared, feeling like there was a hamster lolling on the wheel of her thoughts instead of running to turn it.

Adrien took her arm. “Come on. I’ll support you. Let’s go talk to M. Damocles.”

“Ch-Chat?” Marinette managed in a hiss as her brain finally caught up.

He gently guided her forward. “My Lady.”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or some combination of the three. But as they approached M. Damocles’ office, Marinette pushed the issue aside.

After all, she had work to do, and Ladybug didn’t leave work unfinished.

[jbbuckybarnes]

We need to talk...

I knew that this topic of interactions will come up again, because it has never been talked all the way through, so I had this drafted for a while. So much of this old draft still resonated with this permanently unfinished discussion that I just had to edit it and post it, because I feel like it has to be said and put into one post. We can’t keep starting this conversation and then make it so dramatic that there is no conclusion or compromise. The only reason this time is more mellow is because people have better standards for this stuff due to a pandemic going on. This is written for the MCU fandom, but I’ve seen this go down in different fandoms, so here we go:

Things that are NOT at fault for readers not interacting:

The Readers. Should be clear after asking them again and again. And nothing changing. The readers at large are not at fault for a couple people being demanding or hateful. Neither are they at fault for this website and other social medias automatically putting writers at a disadvantage. They do their best with the time they have in their life (just like writers). And after asking them over months to try and reblog more and not much changing, it should be obvious that it isn’t where the problem lies. At least not 95% of it. NOW:

Things that ARE at fault for readers not interacting:

Pushing them, thinking they owe you stuff, while you tear other writers down saying that nobody owes them stuff. That happens time and time again. To me, to friends, to writers I check in with. Don't expect community to come to you when you don't come to them.

Not putting anon asks off when demands and hate get too much. It’s literally THAT easy when people get nasty. It’s sad for the nice anons, but they will understand. Save your mental health! Save the mental health of people reading that hate on their dash. I don’t know how many people constantly answering to hate I have unfollowed and I’m sure people have unfollowed me for doing the same.

Ego and hypocrisy. You can't say numbers aren't a problem and then say they are. In the same post. AND then also deny it later in some of the cases we’ve seen in recent months. Yes, that happened. In several fandoms where this topic comes up semi-regularly. And that might also be the reason people are tired of this stuff and speak out against it.

The fact Tumblr is only used approximately twice a year by most people. And has a shitty tag system. And a shitty algorithm. You are at an automatic disadvantage.

The fact some of you can't understand that 3-5% of your following interacting is a good and normal rate on pretty much all social media. The bigger you get in followers, the bigger the gap gets between followers and interaction (and demand and hate). There are literal statistics on that. 1% interaction at 10k is still good for a platform you have no power over!

The fact some of the people here call anons *haters* for pointing out that you interact w the same 10 people, making that speace seem excluding, when it's literally true what those people say!? Nothing wrong with only support the same 10 people on your blog, but then don't say that you practice what you preach (cause you don’t). You can’t demand more interaction when you don’t interact more yourself. That is how it works, for anyone, not just people of a certain follower count. If I reblog more fics, my blog gets more clout. Logical conclusion. Works for everyone. You have no time for that? Then don’t expect more back. It’s called SOCIAL media for a damn reason.

Telling people asking for Tumblr advice to interact more to make new friends but being the most defensive/indifferent person once they talk to you in DMs. Yes, that keeps happening and I know it from either my own experience or from others sharing their experiences with me. It’s kinda sad. It’s more of a minor factor in people not interacting, but I’ve seen it enough to mention it.

Making shitposts and personal posts all day and then saying you don't have the time in your life to interact w peoples' writings. Like, drabbles exist on almost anyone's masterlist. 5 minute read, easy support for a writer that might be losing motivation. Not every work has to be written like a novel to be great as hell or “quality proven.”

Oh, and there hasn't been a MCU movie in a while, making most of our readership probably currently not care about the fandom as much. Especially after Endgame ended up being a total opinion splitter.

Bonus: The misunderstanding that pushing shy readers to interact does the exact opposite. Not to start about the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic at the moment. That means they may not have time to read and you may not have time to write. Normal. Logical. The same reason lots of people currently don’t publish. Don’t expect anything predictable and controlable out of current times.

Bonus: Check how you connect interactions to self worth and worth/fun of your writing hobby. Define what success means for you in this space, otherwise you will never be satisfied. It won’t matter if a post has 1k reblogs, you’ll always want more, because you chase an infinite metric.

Bonus: Maybe take a month to concentrate on community, getting outside of your bubble that you deny but very likely have (I’m not excluding myself from this), and actually improve interactions. Some people seem to have forgotten that when you interact with other writers, they probably interact back. Surprise! Your followers already know your tried and true fanfic friends, they want some new stuff without searching for it. Basic Marketing knowledge, know what your audience wants. If you do this for the interactions you gotta look at it from a marketing standpoint and not a pure passion standpoint. Oh: And maybe they find you interacting in the notes of someone else’s post and become an active follower. Win-Win-Win situation.

Bonus: Community is a loop, a net of interactions. Some people here have clique behavior, sound defensive and/or simply don't practice what they preach. That is not me or anyone else hating on specific blogs (I’m also no complete exception), it’s people trying to tell you that you can’t ask for shit you don’t practice yourself. Nothing wrong with supporting your friends only, but then don’t go around expecting new people to find your stuff. It’s literally THAT simple. You can’t have both!

Bonus: Ignoring some of the ride or die readers that are already there. Some of the people on here wish they had that and it’s deadass taken it for granted by some. Meanwhile I'm sitting here with Serotonin levels like christmas when someone I know reblogs my stuff and my fic gets some clout. Imma repeat myself: If you do it for the numbers, you gotta look at it more like marketing and less like pure passion.

And again: You are on a social media platform that will always put you at a disatvantage. That is not the readers' fault. It's how social media works at this point. If you want as much interaction as you can without putting in more interaction work yourself, simply share your works on here, AO3 and Wattpad simultaneously. Problem solved.

Bottomline: If you want more love on your work you gotta go beyond what you currently do, since it’s clearly not working for you. Reblog stuff from people you don't know. I don't give a sh*t if it's a 5k or a 100 follower blog. Hell, there is the whole 366 reblog challenge and some of you deadass went on reblogging the same people when that’s not really what this was made for. I, personally, haven't run out of new people to reblog, so this shouldn't be hard. Actually take time to talk to people in DM's, it takes 10 minutes in the evening to write a few people a message asking how they are or sending a cute gif. If you want stuff, you have to give it. Not leave it. People have come to me before, telling me "the community doesn't owe you stuff", no, they don't, but they do owe if they wanna be owed something back or even demand to be owed something back. Community is about back and forth. You give, you get. It's work, cause it's a big hobby. If you don't have time, that's cool, but then don't be sad about lower interaction. It’s logical that low activity from you leads to low activity from others in the long run, unless you do something worldshakingly new. You don't wanna look beyond a circle of friends or your go-to writers much? That's fine, but don't be upset about barely new people interacting cause they feel excluded or simply don’t find your work because of the same people seeing the same people reblogging the same works. What's not fine is not seeing how readers are NOT THE PROBLEM.

I haven’t talked to a single person about this that DIDN’T find the posts surrounding it demanding and completely ignoring the arguments some others had...repeatedly. Every single time it came up. Not just once but time and time again, whenever this topic comes up. You want interaction? Interact. You don’t want hate? Don’t give it a platform. As harsh as that sounds, I’ve never felt better on this platform since I put anon asks off, even when I miss the nice anons. They probably understand. PS: Again, this was written a while ago and edited to fit into a more general context now. I hope people can discuss this in a civil, non-judgmental way, because that is how I tried to write this. This is not again a specific person or group, it’s pinpointing what I see repeating for two years on this platform now, in all corners. I’d also like to mention that we are still in a pandemic and lives have never looked so vastly different, so you can’t demand anything normal in this very not normal time. Even if you do it all right, your interactions dropped in the pandemic cause people likely stay away form this platform for mental health reasons. There is so many layers to look at, these clearly aren’t all, but I hope it makes some people think about what and when they complain. Numbers will never satisfy you, they will always leave you wanting more if you don’t know why you do what you do and for what. Anyway: Be nice to each other and me in the notes in case this gets shared! No drama please! Ignore any grammar and typo mistakes, lol. Love ya!

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Hey there!

I am quite new here and I was wondering how you got into this fandom. Specially the carlandofandom :)

Also, when did you start writing? I saw your posts the other day about not being able to write all of it, so it somehow triggered me to write some stuff myself (some requests were just too cute).

Havent been properly writing for ages though and I am not quite sure if anybody wants to read my stuff...any advice? Im so indecisive...

Thanks for all your great stories and have nice day :)

Hey you, anonym and especially – welcome to the fandom! 🤗❤️

Oh my God, believe me – you actually don’t want to know how I got to this fandom, it’s such a long story.. You better grab yourself some Coke and popcorn, because this will be a longer one.. 🥤🍿

But alright, everything has begun with that the TWD (The Walking Dead) fandom has started to annoy/boring me, also because the show has become pretty bad and I wanted to leave the sinking ship before it will be too late. That must have been around autumn/winter 2018. During the winter months I really, really love to watch ski jumping, also because it’s pretty popular in my country (Austria). I was already a fan of it since many, many years, but I only became a real fan at that time. I always say I love this sport so much, because those jumps are always so “quickly over” – meaning that I don’t have to wait for too long to find out the results. Yeah, the competition itself isn't that short, but the individual jumps of each athlete are. That’s why I actually “hate” F1 so much, because I have to wait freaking two hours of pure stress, several mental breakdowns and heart attacks later to finally find out who will win, and also because so much can happen during a race, while those ski jumpers are practicing individual – does that make any sense!? However, so I got pretty deep into the ski jumping fandom over that time, especially also here on Tumblr, where I have met a pretty nice girl back then, who had been as thrilled about the fandom as me. But you know, during the summer there aren’t any competitions, so it had been pretty boring in the ski jumping fandom and then suddenly that girl came up with F1.

The first thing I have thought was ‘NO WAY! NEVER EVER!’ – you have to know, I have really hated F1 with a passion before August 2019. I was always making fun of my boyfriend watching those cars driving in circles for two hours. I just couldn’t understand it how someone can watch that voluntary (I sometimes still can’t..😅) and I really, really hated it with everything I had. My boyfriend even was at the Austrian GP in 2019 and back then my biggest nightmare would have been if he would have forced me to come with him (he got there with his father in the end – today I would give everything to get there!)

I remember, we have been on vacation during the beginning of August 2019. We were in a theme park, when my boyfriend said at one point that he will get over to that bench in the shadow under the tree now and watch the qualifying. I have really thought he was kidding me, because I couldn’t understand how the hell someone would watch something so stupid like F1, while being in a freaking theme park. Well, today I would be the one sitting there on the bench, while my boyfriend would probably urge me to please finally stand up so we could go on 😅

That was at the beginning of August 2019 – so I must have slowly but sure fallen for the fandom around 15th of August. And if you believe me or not, but I have neither fallen for Lando nor for Carlos at the first place. It was actually Max, also because he was one of the less drivers I have known next to Lewis, Sebastian, Valtteri (I always had to think about Harry Potter because of Bottas..😂) and probably Nico. But I have actually began to “stalk” when I have got to know about that Max has a little sister and I have found those sweet pics of him with her together (Do you know which pics I mean? You should really check them out – they are so cute). And somehow Lando came into the play as well and so my first story for this fandom resulted. Back then I have really, really thought it would be the first and also last story I will ever publish for this fandom. Well, that didn’t aged well..😅 Somehow my interest grew and grew with every more day stalking the internet for content and by the time of the first race after the summer break, I was already a fan. Spa 2019 has been the first F1 race I have ever watched from the start till the end and I have to say that this weekend has broken me (literally). Of course, because of Anthoine, but also because this time of the year is since 2017 never easy for me and on that weekend also Carlando finally came into the play. Check out this post from a few weeks ago – Carlos’ birthday on Sunday and that Lando has supposedly hugged Carlos after his DNF has really, really touched my heart and since that day these two boys own my heart and I remember, that the next day after the race I have got up at five in the morning to write “Tomorrow will be kinder” – because writing is sometimes my only way to deal with things, so I just had to write my thoughts/feelings down and it was the beginning of something beautiful actually.

But there is one more little story I have to tell you about my F1 past – this story right here is actually one of @hurtsprincess favourite ones. Because back in 2015, when F1 was finally back in Austria again, I was there by the race as probably the biggest F1-hater under all of them. Half of our town and so also most of our friends has got there, so it was kind of peer pressure, why I have finally joined them as well. We had to stand up really, really early – actually it was still in the middle of the night (I think it was three in the morning or so) and got to Spielberg with the bus. It was one of the hottest day of the year back then and after watching “the race of generations” with Niki Lauda, Gerhard Berger and some others and then following also the F3 and F2 races (Me, back in 2015: What do you mean there are races before the actual race? What the hell is F3 and F2?) and because we were so damn tired after standing up so early, most of us, including myself, were sleeping in the meadow during the F1 race. So I have missed over half of the race and I really can’t even remember anymore who has won 😅 But it had still been a funny day for my as a F1-hater, but believe me - if I should ever get to a GP again, this won’t ever happen to me again! 😅 I promise! 🤞🏼

Wow, this has turned out longer than you have actually wanted it, right anonym?! 

Your first question about how I have got into the Carlando fandom is probably answered now and also half of your second question. But I have actually started writing fanfictions back in autumn 2016 for the TWD fandom. I have written overall 16 stories for that fandom and 4 stories in German for the ski jumping fandom, but as much as I have already loved to write fanfictions back then, it only really became my passion and biggest hobby with Carlando. I just can’t stop writing about them, also because they make me so happy and for me so easy with those dorks just being them 😊

Yeah, I’m still very sorry about that I just can’t write stories to all of these great requests, even tho I would really, really like to do - but if you have got inspired by one of these, you should give it a try!

But if you are really that indecisive and shy, you could use the anonymity of the internet for your favor (in this case this posibilty is a good thing - as long as you use your anonymity not for spreading hate/attacking/bullying someone) You know what I mean? I actually did/do that as well. Only three people here on Tumblr know who I really am. Some of you may know from where I am (because I don’t make a secret out of it) and some here even know my name, but that’s it. I don’t share any more personal things about my identity, because I also prefer to stay anonymous here, especially because only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother know about that I’m writing fanfictions. All those other people I call “friends” don’t know about it or me having this account here and I also don’t want them to know, because they simply wouldn’t understand it.

What I’m trying to say here - if it makes you feel better and also more secure, you could upload your story on AO3 without telling anyone it’s you. Or if you don’t want to post it on AO3 and you also don’t want to post it on your Tumblr account, I offer you to send me your story anonymous. I would post it in your “name” aka anonym, saying that this story isn't mine and you could watch/read the reactions.

You don’t have to lose anything, anonym 😉 I would really, really like to read your story, no matter if you will decide to publish it with your name or anonymous. Because there won’t ever be enough writers out there, blessing us with their great stories. Also because I am as much a passionate reader than a writer. And I’m also pretty sure about that you are talented and also about that your story would be more than just worth reading it 😊

Thank you so much for your message, anonym and I’m sorry my answer turned out to be so long 😅 but I really hope my words have helped you in some way, because I’m pretty sure about that you actually don’t have to have a reason to be that shy and indecisive 😉 Just give it a try, as long as it makes you happy 🤗❤️