#the 1st time wasnt that bad
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from the ask game: ✨a movie you like to re-watch?
The incredibles and surprisingly The incredibles 2 😁
I know the whole first movie by heart, both in Spanish and in English cause of the amount of times I've watched it. And now you have reminded me that I haven't watched it in at least 3 months and we can't have that
#i remember watching it in the cinema and loving it soo much#then made sure i got the dvd#and would watch it weekly#then when i got bored of id put it in english with subtitles#anf watch it again xD#mind you I was around 10 at the time so i wasnt a lil kid anymore#i just love it#and when the 2nd one came out i was convinced that it would be a disgrace#cause of course nothing could come close to the genius of the 1st#but turns out it was not bad not at all#so i rewatch it from time to time as well#ask the brain#about me
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i wont be able to fall asleep even though im so fucking tired and all i want to do is sleep to get away from it all. also i need to see my fag and cuddle with him again or like at least just hang out with him and feel at home. i genuinely think i might need to fucking move im not kidding i feel trapped in my own 4 walls
#🗞️#it wasnt even as bad as the first time but it somehow feels worse bc we actually. knew each other?#like the guy that sa'd me the 1st time was just a one night stand so this thing feels so fucking personal now even if we didnt actually hav#sex.#i will throw up i swear
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the fuck do you mean I have to leave....
#like. i fully knew this would happen#but the moment is just. so disheartening#'what if we lose the best of our generation' girl so i wasnt the best... cause you just sent me out with low expectations....#<- ngl this fits my character... but at what cost#the way i characterize lori (my vault dweller) is that shes jokey and shes fun and she doesnt take things too seriously#shes had sort of an 'adventuring spirit' and was mostly skilled with weapons and thats why she was sent out#and like. everything was silly to her in the wasteland until her companion (katya) died under the cathedral. then it became too real#and the master conversation traumatized her a bit cause like. here is the creature that caused suffering. and now its real and its so much#more horrible than she was taking it as#also the masters body horror freaked her OUT. cause supermutants etc seemed like just... altered humans. just enemies or just a person#but the master (even tho technically posthuman) was something else entirely#and it became so real and she got a huge reality check and she cant look at anything the same#if not for the master shed probably get back to the vault and keep going in and out. but after the cathedral? she just wanted to go home#safe underground with normal people. maybe nobody would understand her but at least she wouldn't be in that horrible world out there#maybe shed even go with ian and tycho and maybe even dogmeat. and they could be safe from freaks and zealots. but no#when she finally did want to go home - she got locked out. reminded that she was never the best of the generation#and when she finally became that and saved everyone - shes still wrong. not good enough -> too good and too much#shed be a bad influence. she was meant to do the job she was given and shut up and be thrown away when she fulfilled her duty#which ties into her never really doing a job - she doublecrosses gizmo and that maltese falcon guy and the adytum guy etc etc#even when she gets tandi back she goes back to murder everyone there (raiders) though she said she wouldn't#but before it was silly. she was being smart and having fun adventuring even if it got difficult sometimes#but the master was real. katyas death was real. ian almost died. everyone who ever agreed to help her either died or almost died (followers#and bos paladins#)#like shit. lori was NOT meant to be that deep........#also i have thoughts on aria (vault dweller i played before the save got corrupted and i had to abandon him) but there less formed#because when i had to stop playing him and make lori he was only at necropolis for the 1st time#oh my god.... this too ties into lori being always secondary#my poor girl.... i think she died young#young as in like. 30-40
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the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd
#also i literally met one#i met bryanstars when i was 14 i also met some other members of mde and damon fizzy but LORD#i also talked to him online before that as well publicly and privately and im so glad nothing bad happened in those messages bc i was#already having such a shitty time as a teen and i would've been pushed over the edge#im not bring this up outta nowhere i saw a video about this general topic on tiktok and didnt wanna leave an essay in the comments but#needed to rant#also i was actually so pissed off about miniladd liking miniladds i was obsessed with his videos in hs and i took it as a personal betrayal#i was always watching vanoss and his friends videos growing up so i had spent so long watching him not the longest ive ever watched a#youtuber(that goes to phillip lester who i found on complete accident when i was literally 5/6)#i did get groomed by a few older men online tho i Was of the kik generation#one of them was my bsfs bf who was a junior when we were freshman who would message me that he had a secret gf that didnt want to go public#he also would threaten to kill himself if i took too long answering him back so i was on my phone 24/7 basically and was stressed out so bad#combined with transphobic and homophobic bullying at school caused me to have a public meltdown in the class that held all my bullies and#had to convince my parents to enrole me in homeschooling after which ultimately also fucked up my relationship with 1st gf who was also#manipulating me at the time and also trying get me to make out with her while we cosplayed as levi and eren from aot#which i was uncomfortable with considering i wasnt an aot fan and also was aware of the age difference#i did get back with her after this and she did break up with me again after and i probably would've gotten back with her a 3rd time but#i never saw her message asking to talk again bc she messaged my old fb after my bsf made it an advertisement for the bee movie#i don't believe in a higher power but something was definitely protecting me bc i didn't see that message until TWO YEARS LATER#this went in so many directions#im tired#tw pedophila mention#pedophillia mention#pedophillia tw#suicide tw
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#ugh. i dont kno what to do. im about to reap what ive sown bc Tomorrow is the start of the 1st real week of class#and i have cell mechanics and biochem tomorrow and i can already tell the class is gonna b a lot#like it would b one thing if we were just reading and discussing papers but there r summary assignments and exams#and like u dont understand what it takes for me a read a paper. it takes so much pain. and this class is centered around eukaryotes#and i study prokaryotes so like its not really that relavent to me but like i didnt kno what else to take#everyone does eukaryotic stuff. general genetics was full. the microbial evolution class conflics with another class#and everyone tells me ill know everything anyway but im not sure thats true. and if it is i think it would still b fun#so idk. i could drop the class and pick up extra hours for research instead. like use the time to read relevant papers#its sorta hard bc i already have a masters so its like where do u put me? not in stats. i kno how to do a lot of things so idk#i think i saw a plant evolution class. if i wasnt intimidated by the teacher and ever took botany maybe i would go for it#but so it goes. idk. im meeting my advisor on Tuesday morning so maybe ill bounch ideas off of him#and like i kno it sounds like im being a bitch over having to take 2 3hr classes but ive got to ta and do research and somehow find time#to work on my existing data. so like i could justify only taking the one 3hr class i think#ugh. i just wish i could read. and i wish i could sleep#maybe the class tomorrow wont b so bad. or maybe it will. idk i just really wanna take the microbio course#my eyes r all swollen from crying. bleh. i was not designed for this. for reading#unrelated
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#i had such a bad night i woke up somewhere around 10 times throughout the night#and if i wake up even once a night i wake up feeling crushed and very fatigued#my head hurts i think this restlessness came from the unsuccessfull job interview yesterday#they made me feel like i am 99% being employed after the 1st interview wasted 2 weeks of my time#and their boss talked to me like 5 mins very rudely question that could've been asked first time when i was called and not waste the time#and she told me go get magister's degree if i ever want to proceed where i want to like..#that was said cery rudely and inappropriately like wtf do you care on my not even know when it will happen future hypothetical#plans when i came to get the job you're offering?? i am so sick of getting asked inappropriate questions like whom i am living with#when i plan to get married why am i not married do i want kids and etc#and then spewing nationalist stereotypes about the ppl of my ethnicity as a cherry on top#as if my ppl historically havent been through enough because this exact country getting gen*cided#or how do you spell that#forcefully being made part of the country because of the resources but still being seen by so many as outsiders in our own countty#*country#ok i got kind of carried away into history but this helplessness of mine angers me to no end...#and i just know if i wasnt the ethnicity i am i would've secured a job already but i keep stumbling upon these type of bigot employers#ok i guess now i see why i had such a bad night sleep..#tbd
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DMV GIVE ME NY NEW LEARNERS PERMIT I JUST WANT TO RENEW NY LIBRARY CARDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
#doing real bad on this friday night. but so my learners expired over the summer and i renewed it online cause i ddint want to do in person#and i had it mailed to my home address because the post office at my college can be dodgy (<- had 2 textbooks never delivered 1st semester)#(before i learned to just pirate all of them) (i got a refund it was ok) (but i digress)#so then my mom texted me oh you got something from the dmv and i went oh that must be my learners nice i wasnt expecting it so soon#but a few days ago she gave it to me and when i opened it it was literally just a letter saying Hi. this is the dmv. you made an online acco#unt with us. Please call if this was not you.#so now im pretty sure it's been almost the full time they told me to wait and it hasnt arrived#which is not cool becaue besides renewinh my library card im gonna have to fly some places in the next few months and i do need id for that#whateverrrrrrr it's whatever!! ill check and then give it a few days and then call them. it's probably fine. not like it took a long time or#anything to do online. and it doesnt cost much. im just. it's one fork i could do with getting removed yknow. ugh.#personal tag
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i feel rly irredeemably horrible rn...longing for emotional support....anyway vent in tags
#physically i feel so ill etc . and i have to catch up on so much#and i just got a grade back for an assignment and it wasnt a 1st and literally almost . cried bc#it rly was supposed 2 be. i dont have my housing sorted out for next yr and i am rly worried#i look hideous rn bc my face is rly swollen and it was a fat transfer so u dont get to see results for like#6 months but mostly the swelling should settle in like a month but that means i will just look#kind of monsterous for a while. i cant do archery anymore bc it involves heavy weights ig which im supposed to not do#and its like as soon as i find smth i like it is taken away...i feel . like shit. etc. and according to the clinic it is Not Normal to be#so weak. have to get lasik in a few days while still recovering from transfer + nose surgery so i literally#feel like my body is going to give out but also idk if i will find time to catch up on stuff etc i feel likr my brain is rotting#i basically have no support system rn except my gf bc my friends are all so busy w their own stuff#which is also v bad. like i cannot rely on her as my sole source of emotional support#feels like academics etc have taken a backseat this yr so far and that is Horrible like i need that to not be the case#but im too nauseous and weak etc to sit up for prolonged periods of time taking notes#taking 7 antibiotics a day etc..idk . i have to travel 6hrs#tmrw then have lasik on monday then travel back 6hrs the same afternoon or tuesday morning#like i legit already feel like my body is giving out idk how i will do this. and i feel so incredibly alone throughout#all of this . idk.#genuinely i am turning into a black hole and if things get bad again i will lose it . i hate this feeling i hate the#marked loneliness that comes b4 things spiral downwards and this feels like it#that was a lot ✌️ anyway if any1 has any advice or words to share or anytjing to say ever pls do#i need human interaction soooo badly#personal
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suddenly remembered i have to present a conference paper at a real actual academic conference next week. having a real normal one atm.
#damien.txt#what the fuck. what the fuck!!!#i haven't even rewritten it yet oh noooo#truly though what the fuck. how did this even happen.#don't wanna give too many details bc im scared ill doxx myself but. wow.#am so scared it will be bad but also i have never gotten a criticism on a paper that wasnt 'this could be more concise' so maybe itll be ok#ahhHhhhh#okay. real academic time or whatever.#holy fuck how is this my life i literally run a bandom blog on tumblr i am not equipped to be doing professional academic things#just 1st academic conference things i guess#here's to.... many more? i mean. hopefully. would mean i succeeded vaguely at becoming an academic lol
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jeez i haven't been on here in so long i didnt even post choiin hiatus letter let alone enlistment
#i spoke#god i miss my shark so bad#march 1st 2026 cannot come fast enough#jus realized hes the first of my biases to go....#when hwon goes omg i pray im not into tkd when that time comes because i was cryin over choiin for a week n he wasnt even active
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i know im supposed to wait another week before doing dxm again but i... dont want to?
#i will!! i dont want to fry my brain Too bad. but i will also complain#im so miserable rn it was kind of like taking a xanax re my mental state#didnt really get any Euphoria but i felt very placated for several hours there... hung out with val and listened to music. it wasnt bad#it was a way more concentrated experience than the extended release stuff. unsurprisingly lol#i want to play around with redosing it... the polistirex is inconvenient because it goes too long but#idk first time bias ig but i find the way it affects the absorption makes the whole experience so gentle and pleasant#like being wrapped in a big warm hug#where as this was more like being... heavily compressed and then suddenly released? if that makes sense?#so i think next time ill take a lowish 2nd plat dose followed by a 1st plat dose when i start to peak. or maybe vice versa?#or idk otherwise experimenting with how to redose it. looking to extend the experience a bit#idk i felt like by the time i was Comfortable i was also fading and more quickly than idve liked to be#i also need to make a playlist for next time instead of just listening to the same 2 songs on repeat#i have molly i got from august too but idk when i can do that :( just not ready to experience love like that right now
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okay switched to my laptop i can try to write down some thoughts now
#so like. first of all. stupid shit#team z was killing me in this movie i hated the fucking pitter patter of their bare feet against the cafeteria floor#in the scene w like kuon and isagi telling team v not to underestimate soccer etc#like was that necessary . it was so loud#also i really wanna download the movie just so that i can gif one scene and turn it into a reaction gif or maybe a mid meme#idk soccer terminology bear w me here but like . its the one during the team v vs team z game where like reo is about to shoot#and four people from team z (i swear kunigami was in there i saw his ginger fucking hair) are like standing in a line#and they jump up to like maybe stop the ball idfk i dont know football and theyre those shitty 3d models and they look goofy as fuck#i wanna speed that up and put the glaggleland theme over it. i need to do that actually#ANYWAY . okay. w that out of the way#the movie looked goofy bc of course it did its bIue Iock animated media#BUT IT SOUNDED SOOO FUCKING GOOD. excluding the previously mentioned pitter patter of bare feet i didnt like that#but srsly. oh the scene where nagi shows up behind isagi out of nowhere when hes just about to do his direct shot i think#and the animation (& just art overall. the composition of those shots SUCKED) was mid as fuck. BUT IT SOUNDED SO GOOOD#it was like so freaky had the animation been better id have gotten genuine chills#tho like . the movie felt like. incomplete? and the glove scene fixes that mostly but its just. ouugh#they cut a few scenes that i thought were important while also lingering too much on things that didnt really matter all that much#the youre a pain reo scene was cut which like. i Guess i get cause they wouldnt have been able to make that satisfying with how little time#they had. but also dude you couldve just cut some of the 1st selection it really wouldve been fine. or idk maybe it wouldntve been#its like . ugh its the thing again i get what i wanna say but idk how to say it . i love being stupid#but yeah. movie felt like it was kinda missing something but was still Good . they couldnt have covered alll those chapters fully#so they took out a part of the story to fit in the 90 minutes they got. whatever . it wasnt Bad . glove scene Fixed Some Things#also yeah GLOVE SCENE 🔛🔝#maybe ill get a concussion thatll fix my brain and then ill say what i want to say about this movie#7/10#voidcore.txt
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best day of my life was when vimms lair let other regional versions of games be on the site u have no idea how happy i was. like yes finally i dont have to send people digging through a huge archive.org dump of DS games so they can play professor layton & not suffer thru lukes american dub voice 😭
#like me personally i dont care if i have to jump through hoops to download something so that wasnt even an inconvenience for me#if anything i loooove having to work harder to find a download for something it feels more rewarding <- has 2 much free time 2 spend online#but sadly the average person does not enjoy internet sleuthing or file conversion or downloading & installing torrent progeams or whatever#like they just want a ddl. which is absolutely fair like me too for a lotta stuff! but that means theyd go to vimms lair to download it#& just download the NA release 😔 like i think 99% of people do not care about this but i need you to go look up a comparison#of luke triton's NA english dub vs. his EU english dub. if you played the american ones just think about how he sounds in the movie#but like oh my god. im so grateful i lived in england when i got into layton cause that meant it was way easier to get UK copies of thegames#like i ended up getting a european 3ds while i lived there to play the 3ds games & it was so worth it. i Dont like american dub luke triton#HES NOT EVEN AMERICAN IN THE DUB he just has a fake british accent and it does Not sound good especially when i heard the (superior) dub 1st#like i need to stress the american dub isnt even that bad. its not speedwagon dub bad.#<- my mom compared speedys voice to dick van dyke in mary poppins which is honestly an insult to dick van dyke in mary poppins#like its objectively a terrible accent. but he makes it work. The jojos part 1 dub cast for 99% of the time... does not. 😭#ITS NOT EVEN BAD ACTING ITS THE ACCENTS. THEYRE AWFUL. i need you to know jonathan's VA also voices nero dmc and adachi persona4. like#hes obviously a talented voice actor!!!! But why cant you just hire a british person to do this#or like. at least an american who can actually do a good english accent 😭#like jojos makes it work... sometimes. i think its better in part 2 because theres like a variety of different accents and they all suck#like somehow that works in its favor. but knowing jonathan is one of the better ones in part 1 is 😭#dio is probably my fave of the english cast because well the bar is on the floor. but hes as dramatic as he should be#which definitely helps#i forgotwhat i was talking about. ummmmm. idk#in conclusion if you ask me sub or dub id have to say it depends. ''depends on what'' well what it depends on... depends!#<- only guy who writes conclusions to his fucking tumblr tags like its an essay or something#muffin mumbles
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#the thing about me is that i am unwell. i will sit here like hm im not working hard enough#im spending too much time on these manuscripts and thats selfish. and like wtf r u even saying?????#literally u r working toward public that will bring credit to ur lab wtf is wrong with u? i do the same thing when im spending 3hrs doing#algae transfers bc im like this isnt hard so im not actually being productive. fucking what the fuck????#im not allowed to enjoy things. no data entry. too fun. no codin. too fun. i must be slightly miserable to in agony at all times#why? i have no fucking idea. its entirely self imposed. ive never been pushed to work harder on things my brain just decides im not doing#enough. why???? im a neurotic little wind up doll compelled by logic that doesnt make sense#at least i canceled with that bad therapist bc idk fuck that now i gotta find someone else :-P#but im trying to be nicer anyway. trying. but i get bored and with boring comes the desire to make myself insane bc idk thsts at least#slightly interesting. there r 2 wolves inside me. one is just trying to live its life and the other is trying to smother thst 1st one lol#me: i will work all day and all night i can work on non-work work as a treat#this is why i have dreams abt ppl being devoured my polar bears in front of me and horrible natural disasters#i think theyd b nightmares if i wasnt always so calm in my dreams. i just wake up like him ive aquired disturbing images#uuuuuhhhhhhhuhuh i dont wanna work on more writing 😫 but I've gotta get this last application done#on a more positive note i now have full hearing back in my right ear lmao#unrelated
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yea hey
#if . i speak abt what tonigyt has fone to thjs stulid fucking song. OHHHH MY GOD. rhe universe is#so cruel to dangke that jn deont of me#GIVE ME IT . NEOW. OH MY FUCKING GOD.#I SNDIWJDISSJSJ#ohh my god. completelymforgot what she sounded like#so immediste respinse was ���EW bad song xhoice” but .#bur . its Not . and it Angers me .#bc oh boy the connectionctocthat too#speak nownis basically just His Album#along w 1989 and ttpd .#which is ROUGH actyally .#fucking green eyed men . i hate them n i hats taylor for talking abt them#anyway. awful exoerience n i feek giddy all the same#stomach doing Swoops#Back to my Originsl oiint wmbc i wasnt done:#putting this on and being sble to See It Perfectly was Awful. i gotta actually exlerience this and im mad i didnt get to thr 1st time#FUCK.#but also . i just KNOW what that woukdve done xoxo#i bet you yhink about me xoxo#Spotify
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i remember like 3 years ago i was so excited to go to uni and to be in a new place and be independent. and then i went thru 2 years of hell before i couldn't take it anymore and left at the start of my final year.
#part of me wants to try again at another uni from the beginning#cause 1. the uni i went to wasnt the best and was in a real bad place to live in.(just being there sucked the life outta me)#2. my 1st year was in covid so it was very different - i like the online lessons but being thrown into in person stuff was hard because#everyone had made friends and shit already and i had too !! but half of them turned out to not be great. and the other half were more#interested being with other people than me so i ended up alone and left out alot#but i dunno. i have no clue what i want to do with my life..#i wish i could turn back time and tell myself to not go there#cause know all ive got is online friends but even then im super bad at talking to them too#and im in my room like 24/7 and im honestly so tired.#ive been job searching since oct last year and theres like no jobs round here i can do#im literally on a program to help with it due to my autism but thats not going anywhere either#and now im on benfits too and so i gotta make sure to keep up the job search for that#but its hard cause theres nothing out there for me so i cant put anything on the system#and everything just feels like its falling apart for me but everyone around me thinks the opposite is happening and that things are#finally. coming together but its really not.#im more lost than ever but theres nothing i can do about it
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