#the 1st time wasnt that bad
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from the ask game: ✨a movie you like to re-watch?
The incredibles and surprisingly The incredibles 2 😁
I know the whole first movie by heart, both in Spanish and in English cause of the amount of times I've watched it. And now you have reminded me that I haven't watched it in at least 3 months and we can't have that
#i remember watching it in the cinema and loving it soo much#then made sure i got the dvd#and would watch it weekly#then when i got bored of id put it in english with subtitles#anf watch it again xD#mind you I was around 10 at the time so i wasnt a lil kid anymore#i just love it#and when the 2nd one came out i was convinced that it would be a disgrace#cause of course nothing could come close to the genius of the 1st#but turns out it was not bad not at all#so i rewatch it from time to time as well#ask the brain#about me
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i wont be able to fall asleep even though im so fucking tired and all i want to do is sleep to get away from it all. also i need to see my fag and cuddle with him again or like at least just hang out with him and feel at home. i genuinely think i might need to fucking move im not kidding i feel trapped in my own 4 walls
#🗞️#it wasnt even as bad as the first time but it somehow feels worse bc we actually. knew each other?#like the guy that sa'd me the 1st time was just a one night stand so this thing feels so fucking personal now even if we didnt actually hav#sex.#i will throw up i swear
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the fuck do you mean I have to leave....
#like. i fully knew this would happen#but the moment is just. so disheartening#'what if we lose the best of our generation' girl so i wasnt the best... cause you just sent me out with low expectations....#<- ngl this fits my character... but at what cost#the way i characterize lori (my vault dweller) is that shes jokey and shes fun and she doesnt take things too seriously#shes had sort of an 'adventuring spirit' and was mostly skilled with weapons and thats why she was sent out#and like. everything was silly to her in the wasteland until her companion (katya) died under the cathedral. then it became too real#and the master conversation traumatized her a bit cause like. here is the creature that caused suffering. and now its real and its so much#more horrible than she was taking it as#also the masters body horror freaked her OUT. cause supermutants etc seemed like just... altered humans. just enemies or just a person#but the master (even tho technically posthuman) was something else entirely#and it became so real and she got a huge reality check and she cant look at anything the same#if not for the master shed probably get back to the vault and keep going in and out. but after the cathedral? she just wanted to go home#safe underground with normal people. maybe nobody would understand her but at least she wouldn't be in that horrible world out there#maybe shed even go with ian and tycho and maybe even dogmeat. and they could be safe from freaks and zealots. but no#when she finally did want to go home - she got locked out. reminded that she was never the best of the generation#and when she finally became that and saved everyone - shes still wrong. not good enough -> too good and too much#shed be a bad influence. she was meant to do the job she was given and shut up and be thrown away when she fulfilled her duty#which ties into her never really doing a job - she doublecrosses gizmo and that maltese falcon guy and the adytum guy etc etc#even when she gets tandi back she goes back to murder everyone there (raiders) though she said she wouldn't#but before it was silly. she was being smart and having fun adventuring even if it got difficult sometimes#but the master was real. katyas death was real. ian almost died. everyone who ever agreed to help her either died or almost died (followers#and bos paladins#)#like shit. lori was NOT meant to be that deep........#also i have thoughts on aria (vault dweller i played before the save got corrupted and i had to abandon him) but there less formed#because when i had to stop playing him and make lori he was only at necropolis for the 1st time#oh my god.... this too ties into lori being always secondary#my poor girl.... i think she died young#young as in like. 30-40
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the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd
#also i literally met one#i met bryanstars when i was 14 i also met some other members of mde and damon fizzy but LORD#i also talked to him online before that as well publicly and privately and im so glad nothing bad happened in those messages bc i was#already having such a shitty time as a teen and i would've been pushed over the edge#im not bring this up outta nowhere i saw a video about this general topic on tiktok and didnt wanna leave an essay in the comments but#needed to rant#also i was actually so pissed off about miniladd liking miniladds i was obsessed with his videos in hs and i took it as a personal betrayal#i was always watching vanoss and his friends videos growing up so i had spent so long watching him not the longest ive ever watched a#youtuber(that goes to phillip lester who i found on complete accident when i was literally 5/6)#i did get groomed by a few older men online tho i Was of the kik generation#one of them was my bsfs bf who was a junior when we were freshman who would message me that he had a secret gf that didnt want to go public#he also would threaten to kill himself if i took too long answering him back so i was on my phone 24/7 basically and was stressed out so bad#combined with transphobic and homophobic bullying at school caused me to have a public meltdown in the class that held all my bullies and#had to convince my parents to enrole me in homeschooling after which ultimately also fucked up my relationship with 1st gf who was also#manipulating me at the time and also trying get me to make out with her while we cosplayed as levi and eren from aot#which i was uncomfortable with considering i wasnt an aot fan and also was aware of the age difference#i did get back with her after this and she did break up with me again after and i probably would've gotten back with her a 3rd time but#i never saw her message asking to talk again bc she messaged my old fb after my bsf made it an advertisement for the bee movie#i don't believe in a higher power but something was definitely protecting me bc i didn't see that message until TWO YEARS LATER#this went in so many directions#im tired#tw pedophila mention#pedophillia mention#pedophillia tw#suicide tw
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#ugh. i dont kno what to do. im about to reap what ive sown bc Tomorrow is the start of the 1st real week of class#and i have cell mechanics and biochem tomorrow and i can already tell the class is gonna b a lot#like it would b one thing if we were just reading and discussing papers but there r summary assignments and exams#and like u dont understand what it takes for me a read a paper. it takes so much pain. and this class is centered around eukaryotes#and i study prokaryotes so like its not really that relavent to me but like i didnt kno what else to take#everyone does eukaryotic stuff. general genetics was full. the microbial evolution class conflics with another class#and everyone tells me ill know everything anyway but im not sure thats true. and if it is i think it would still b fun#so idk. i could drop the class and pick up extra hours for research instead. like use the time to read relevant papers#its sorta hard bc i already have a masters so its like where do u put me? not in stats. i kno how to do a lot of things so idk#i think i saw a plant evolution class. if i wasnt intimidated by the teacher and ever took botany maybe i would go for it#but so it goes. idk. im meeting my advisor on Tuesday morning so maybe ill bounch ideas off of him#and like i kno it sounds like im being a bitch over having to take 2 3hr classes but ive got to ta and do research and somehow find time#to work on my existing data. so like i could justify only taking the one 3hr class i think#ugh. i just wish i could read. and i wish i could sleep#maybe the class tomorrow wont b so bad. or maybe it will. idk i just really wanna take the microbio course#my eyes r all swollen from crying. bleh. i was not designed for this. for reading#unrelated
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#i had such a bad night i woke up somewhere around 10 times throughout the night#and if i wake up even once a night i wake up feeling crushed and very fatigued#my head hurts i think this restlessness came from the unsuccessfull job interview yesterday#they made me feel like i am 99% being employed after the 1st interview wasted 2 weeks of my time#and their boss talked to me like 5 mins very rudely question that could've been asked first time when i was called and not waste the time#and she told me go get magister's degree if i ever want to proceed where i want to like..#that was said cery rudely and inappropriately like wtf do you care on my not even know when it will happen future hypothetical#plans when i came to get the job you're offering?? i am so sick of getting asked inappropriate questions like whom i am living with#when i plan to get married why am i not married do i want kids and etc#and then spewing nationalist stereotypes about the ppl of my ethnicity as a cherry on top#as if my ppl historically havent been through enough because this exact country getting gen*cided#or how do you spell that#forcefully being made part of the country because of the resources but still being seen by so many as outsiders in our own countty#*country#ok i got kind of carried away into history but this helplessness of mine angers me to no end...#and i just know if i wasnt the ethnicity i am i would've secured a job already but i keep stumbling upon these type of bigot employers#ok i guess now i see why i had such a bad night sleep..#tbd
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DMV GIVE ME NY NEW LEARNERS PERMIT I JUST WANT TO RENEW NY LIBRARY CARDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
#doing real bad on this friday night. but so my learners expired over the summer and i renewed it online cause i ddint want to do in person#and i had it mailed to my home address because the post office at my college can be dodgy (<- had 2 textbooks never delivered 1st semester)#(before i learned to just pirate all of them) (i got a refund it was ok) (but i digress)#so then my mom texted me oh you got something from the dmv and i went oh that must be my learners nice i wasnt expecting it so soon#but a few days ago she gave it to me and when i opened it it was literally just a letter saying Hi. this is the dmv. you made an online acco#unt with us. Please call if this was not you.#so now im pretty sure it's been almost the full time they told me to wait and it hasnt arrived#which is not cool becaue besides renewinh my library card im gonna have to fly some places in the next few months and i do need id for that#whateverrrrrrr it's whatever!! ill check and then give it a few days and then call them. it's probably fine. not like it took a long time or#anything to do online. and it doesnt cost much. im just. it's one fork i could do with getting removed yknow. ugh.#personal tag
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i feel rly irredeemably horrible rn...longing for emotional support....anyway vent in tags
#physically i feel so ill etc . and i have to catch up on so much#and i just got a grade back for an assignment and it wasnt a 1st and literally almost . cried bc#it rly was supposed 2 be. i dont have my housing sorted out for next yr and i am rly worried#i look hideous rn bc my face is rly swollen and it was a fat transfer so u dont get to see results for like#6 months but mostly the swelling should settle in like a month but that means i will just look#kind of monsterous for a while. i cant do archery anymore bc it involves heavy weights ig which im supposed to not do#and its like as soon as i find smth i like it is taken away...i feel . like shit. etc. and according to the clinic it is Not Normal to be#so weak. have to get lasik in a few days while still recovering from transfer + nose surgery so i literally#feel like my body is going to give out but also idk if i will find time to catch up on stuff etc i feel likr my brain is rotting#i basically have no support system rn except my gf bc my friends are all so busy w their own stuff#which is also v bad. like i cannot rely on her as my sole source of emotional support#feels like academics etc have taken a backseat this yr so far and that is Horrible like i need that to not be the case#but im too nauseous and weak etc to sit up for prolonged periods of time taking notes#taking 7 antibiotics a day etc..idk . i have to travel 6hrs#tmrw then have lasik on monday then travel back 6hrs the same afternoon or tuesday morning#like i legit already feel like my body is giving out idk how i will do this. and i feel so incredibly alone throughout#all of this . idk.#genuinely i am turning into a black hole and if things get bad again i will lose it . i hate this feeling i hate the#marked loneliness that comes b4 things spiral downwards and this feels like it#that was a lot ✌️ anyway if any1 has any advice or words to share or anytjing to say ever pls do#i need human interaction soooo badly#personal
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suddenly remembered i have to present a conference paper at a real actual academic conference next week. having a real normal one atm.
#damien.txt#what the fuck. what the fuck!!!#i haven't even rewritten it yet oh noooo#truly though what the fuck. how did this even happen.#don't wanna give too many details bc im scared ill doxx myself but. wow.#am so scared it will be bad but also i have never gotten a criticism on a paper that wasnt 'this could be more concise' so maybe itll be ok#ahhHhhhh#okay. real academic time or whatever.#holy fuck how is this my life i literally run a bandom blog on tumblr i am not equipped to be doing professional academic things#just 1st academic conference things i guess#here's to.... many more? i mean. hopefully. would mean i succeeded vaguely at becoming an academic lol
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jeez i haven't been on here in so long i didnt even post choiin hiatus letter let alone enlistment
#i spoke#god i miss my shark so bad#march 1st 2026 cannot come fast enough#jus realized hes the first of my biases to go....#when hwon goes omg i pray im not into tkd when that time comes because i was cryin over choiin for a week n he wasnt even active
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i know im supposed to wait another week before doing dxm again but i... dont want to?
#i will!! i dont want to fry my brain Too bad. but i will also complain#im so miserable rn it was kind of like taking a xanax re my mental state#didnt really get any Euphoria but i felt very placated for several hours there... hung out with val and listened to music. it wasnt bad#it was a way more concentrated experience than the extended release stuff. unsurprisingly lol#i want to play around with redosing it... the polistirex is inconvenient because it goes too long but#idk first time bias ig but i find the way it affects the absorption makes the whole experience so gentle and pleasant#like being wrapped in a big warm hug#where as this was more like being... heavily compressed and then suddenly released? if that makes sense?#so i think next time ill take a lowish 2nd plat dose followed by a 1st plat dose when i start to peak. or maybe vice versa?#or idk otherwise experimenting with how to redose it. looking to extend the experience a bit#idk i felt like by the time i was Comfortable i was also fading and more quickly than idve liked to be#i also need to make a playlist for next time instead of just listening to the same 2 songs on repeat#i have molly i got from august too but idk when i can do that :( just not ready to experience love like that right now
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best day of my life was when vimms lair let other regional versions of games be on the site u have no idea how happy i was. like yes finally i dont have to send people digging through a huge archive.org dump of DS games so they can play professor layton & not suffer thru lukes american dub voice 😭
#like me personally i dont care if i have to jump through hoops to download something so that wasnt even an inconvenience for me#if anything i loooove having to work harder to find a download for something it feels more rewarding <- has 2 much free time 2 spend online#but sadly the average person does not enjoy internet sleuthing or file conversion or downloading & installing torrent progeams or whatever#like they just want a ddl. which is absolutely fair like me too for a lotta stuff! but that means theyd go to vimms lair to download it#& just download the NA release 😔 like i think 99% of people do not care about this but i need you to go look up a comparison#of luke triton's NA english dub vs. his EU english dub. if you played the american ones just think about how he sounds in the movie#but like oh my god. im so grateful i lived in england when i got into layton cause that meant it was way easier to get UK copies of thegames#like i ended up getting a european 3ds while i lived there to play the 3ds games & it was so worth it. i Dont like american dub luke triton#HES NOT EVEN AMERICAN IN THE DUB he just has a fake british accent and it does Not sound good especially when i heard the (superior) dub 1st#like i need to stress the american dub isnt even that bad. its not speedwagon dub bad.#<- my mom compared speedys voice to dick van dyke in mary poppins which is honestly an insult to dick van dyke in mary poppins#like its objectively a terrible accent. but he makes it work. The jojos part 1 dub cast for 99% of the time... does not. 😭#ITS NOT EVEN BAD ACTING ITS THE ACCENTS. THEYRE AWFUL. i need you to know jonathan's VA also voices nero dmc and adachi persona4. like#hes obviously a talented voice actor!!!! But why cant you just hire a british person to do this#or like. at least an american who can actually do a good english accent 😭#like jojos makes it work... sometimes. i think its better in part 2 because theres like a variety of different accents and they all suck#like somehow that works in its favor. but knowing jonathan is one of the better ones in part 1 is 😭#dio is probably my fave of the english cast because well the bar is on the floor. but hes as dramatic as he should be#which definitely helps#i forgotwhat i was talking about. ummmmm. idk#in conclusion if you ask me sub or dub id have to say it depends. ''depends on what'' well what it depends on... depends!#<- only guy who writes conclusions to his fucking tumblr tags like its an essay or something#muffin mumbles
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yea hey
#if . i speak abt what tonigyt has fone to thjs stulid fucking song. OHHHH MY GOD. rhe universe is#so cruel to dangke that jn deont of me#GIVE ME IT . NEOW. OH MY FUCKING GOD.#I SNDIWJDISSJSJ#ohh my god. completelymforgot what she sounded like#so immediste respinse was “EW bad song xhoice” but .#bur . its Not . and it Angers me .#bc oh boy the connectionctocthat too#speak nownis basically just His Album#along w 1989 and ttpd .#which is ROUGH actyally .#fucking green eyed men . i hate them n i hats taylor for talking abt them#anyway. awful exoerience n i feek giddy all the same#stomach doing Swoops#Back to my Originsl oiint wmbc i wasnt done:#putting this on and being sble to See It Perfectly was Awful. i gotta actually exlerience this and im mad i didnt get to thr 1st time#FUCK.#but also . i just KNOW what that woukdve done xoxo#i bet you yhink about me xoxo#Spotify
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#the thing about me is that i am unwell. i will sit here like hm im not working hard enough#im spending too much time on these manuscripts and thats selfish. and like wtf r u even saying?????#literally u r working toward public that will bring credit to ur lab wtf is wrong with u? i do the same thing when im spending 3hrs doing#algae transfers bc im like this isnt hard so im not actually being productive. fucking what the fuck????#im not allowed to enjoy things. no data entry. too fun. no codin. too fun. i must be slightly miserable to in agony at all times#why? i have no fucking idea. its entirely self imposed. ive never been pushed to work harder on things my brain just decides im not doing#enough. why???? im a neurotic little wind up doll compelled by logic that doesnt make sense#at least i canceled with that bad therapist bc idk fuck that now i gotta find someone else :-P#but im trying to be nicer anyway. trying. but i get bored and with boring comes the desire to make myself insane bc idk thsts at least#slightly interesting. there r 2 wolves inside me. one is just trying to live its life and the other is trying to smother thst 1st one lol#me: i will work all day and all night i can work on non-work work as a treat#this is why i have dreams abt ppl being devoured my polar bears in front of me and horrible natural disasters#i think theyd b nightmares if i wasnt always so calm in my dreams. i just wake up like him ive aquired disturbing images#uuuuuhhhhhhhuhuh i dont wanna work on more writing 😫 but I've gotta get this last application done#on a more positive note i now have full hearing back in my right ear lmao#unrelated
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i remember like 3 years ago i was so excited to go to uni and to be in a new place and be independent. and then i went thru 2 years of hell before i couldn't take it anymore and left at the start of my final year.
#part of me wants to try again at another uni from the beginning#cause 1. the uni i went to wasnt the best and was in a real bad place to live in.(just being there sucked the life outta me)#2. my 1st year was in covid so it was very different - i like the online lessons but being thrown into in person stuff was hard because#everyone had made friends and shit already and i had too !! but half of them turned out to not be great. and the other half were more#interested being with other people than me so i ended up alone and left out alot#but i dunno. i have no clue what i want to do with my life..#i wish i could turn back time and tell myself to not go there#cause know all ive got is online friends but even then im super bad at talking to them too#and im in my room like 24/7 and im honestly so tired.#ive been job searching since oct last year and theres like no jobs round here i can do#im literally on a program to help with it due to my autism but thats not going anywhere either#and now im on benfits too and so i gotta make sure to keep up the job search for that#but its hard cause theres nothing out there for me so i cant put anything on the system#and everything just feels like its falling apart for me but everyone around me thinks the opposite is happening and that things are#finally. coming together but its really not.#im more lost than ever but theres nothing i can do about it
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Im just gonna say it: the exact same argument about series 11 having a woman playing the Doctor but w/ inconsistent politic & fake activism applies to series 14 & a lil of RTD2 in general but in Black. Respectability politics & flimsy anti racism all over the shop
It thinks futuristic racism corrects racism "being a thing of the past" but then actively erases said racism of Britain's past. Twice. Not only that but it glorifies the 60s & regency period. Does "powerful" white supremacy commentary then slaps a regency wig on 15's head 😭
It should go without saying that 1960s & 1800s Britain wasnt some post racial utopia. The show would rather make these periods more progressive than they really were instead of telling the stories of the POC living there or hell, show us history outside of 'the West'
It treats the dehumanisation of Black people as an inevitable part of future society. Fifteen has to be a perfect non violent victim of racism but can fridge the goblin king & the chuldur easy. Racism can/must exist but fighting back or having any reaction to ur oppressor can't.
The gag is RTD understands racial oppression when it affects *him* tho. The oppression of the Welsh is acknowledged in present day Earth bc it's a real part of history. Its addressed again in 2046 bc it's still relevent in the future. & did Ruby save Roger? No she got him gone!
It sanitises its own history. The Doctor has called out racial supremacy, human or not since day. And no they didn't always save *everyone*. Against the establishment to begging it & partying with it too apparently. Rosa has issues but at least it was hopeful...
It treats Fifteen as a white character made Black which has weird implications for a non human being from a "post racial" society. Thirteen wasn't a "human woman" but she still had the agency to call out every misogynist she met. Lawd forbid she cried over Jack Robertson 😭
Despite having a Black Doctor they're written for a white audience. 'It's not about Black people, its about white people' sealed the deal. It treats their Blackness as circumstantial & not something they'll have to deal with regardless of time period playing it safe & palatable
This 1 should be self explanatory. If Donna's seen the Doctor's mind then she knows Fugitive Doctor exists so yes the Doctor comes in a range of different colours 🤪🤪 And again if he's not a human Black man but an alien then why is it a surprise that he can change race? Ugh...
Isaac Newton wasn't that deep bc he's only there for the mavity gag but it opened a fuck ton of racism towards Nathaniel Curtis & antiblackness bc the racists camping the tag thought he was Black. 'Owning the right 🤪' at the expense of POC in the show & fandom. Great job there..
RTD made the point of the Toymaker being racist then keeps him anyway? Takes a jab about cultural appropriation in Pyramids of Mars then based the finale on it anyway w/ Sutekh? Not even entertaining the Black Guardian ting. Like what's the point of any of this? It feels so fake.
Carla's not as egregious as the previous but apart from RTD copying & posting her name from Clyde's mum in SJA, she doesn't get a lot to do outside supporting Ruby's storyline. S14 then ends with Ruby calling her bio mum her "real" mum so her serving role didn't mean much anyway
The Giggle was the 1st flag bc it conflated all political related anger as bad bc it's anger instead of love 😫✊🏻without *single* look at why the current political climate is the way that it is. Pandemic, genocides, climate change & govt corruption yh ppl will be angry Russell 🥴
Series 11 at least gets to gas itself up for having women write for the 1st female Doctor and having Black and South Asian writers for the first time in the show's history (which isn't a great achievement but ah well)
Series 14 doesn't have that to its credit.
Black woman who only exists to boost white characters stories, racism stories that don't give their Black characters full agency & 0 follow up of their experiences only this time w/ no Black writers. Same tings different font. What improvement was made exactly?
Tl;Dr - We have the 1st Black Doctor in the main lineup but this series handles race and racism poorly. There's barely any improvement from how race was handled in RTD1 and his handling of Black characters in Years & Years and It's a Sin hasn't been brought over. 🥴
#doctor who#fandom racism#fandom antiblackness#antiblackness#racism#show analysis#doctor who analysis#rtd2 era#rtd2#rtd critical#anti rtd#rtd#chibnall era#performative activism#wild blue yonder#73 yards#the giggle#dot and bubble#rogue
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