#thats why i bug yall so much. because i cant bug any of my friends in real life

[erisolkat]

ok i think my issue is that i have literally one irl that i can be emotionally vulnerable with because we're pretty much the same person and i probably will never see them again after this month.

[flufflecat]

rank the tma entities from favorite to least favorite! that's the first distracting thing I could think of <3

(ive been thinking very hard about my answer for like 3 days now fjkfdlsa thank you so much for this ask. also this is apparently going to be very long, so sorry about this yall)

ok so top to bottom, fav down to least fav:

CORRUPTION - i hate the corruption with my entire being, but i think its legally required to be my fav bc its My entity and i love bugs and fungi and such so very much. this dumb stupid entity just suits me in every possible way, and it makes me soooo mad. its currently stink bug season and ive already found like 4 of them in my house and befriended them. i would definitely be a corruption avatar in TMA and just spend my time terrorizing random people with stink bugs and being like "uhmm, i dont see what you think im doing wrong?? my bugs are just having a good time and i think these people just need to learn to see the benefits of having bugs around??? i think youre being really judgy right now, and need to let me chill" and also i would take jane prentiss out back and bury her in a flower pot because EW stay away from me maggot lady 🤢 (and stop pretending to be worms, youre MAGGOTS!! worms dont deserve this slander) ((dont talk to me about phylogeny and the definition of worm, i do not care. jane prentiss doesnt deserve to be compared to the kind pink creature we most commonly depict as Worm))

STRANGER - theyre the entity i WANT to be an avatar of. would be number 1 if i wasnt forced to pledge loyalty to the corruption. theyve got like the whole aesthetic down perfectly. clowns, taxidermy, weird and offputting creatures, just like a normal guy but you dont want him around, fish i guess, mannequins. its IDEAL. i want to be nikola's friend soooo badly. i think the clown apocalypse wouldve been pretty fun and jon shouldve just let it happen.

SPIRAL - they're every gay persons dream, and i dont even know why we all love them so much. their category feels so broad and im not quite sure what im supposed to be scared of here. why are people scared of fractals again?? literally no idea. im not afraid of them in the slightest, but also all of my dreams have a really spiral-esque aesthetic and all take place in giant labyrinths of hotels and amusement parks and malls and whatever. i wanna submit an application to join their cause because of how dedicated i am to labyrinths. @ the distortion, please call me

FLESH - i just think jared hopworth is really funny, and the flesh is so hilarious to me because it just feels like the working class of entities. entity thats most likely to work a blue collar job and just be a normal person you can go fishing with. entity voted somehow strangest and also most normal. why do they have a meat pit. they amuse me to no end. like alright, have fun with your meat or whatever. im having a great time.

SLAUGHTER - idk why theyre so high up on the list, but idk i think i just love some good violence. the war aesthetic bores me, but they make up for it with their dedication to knives and stabbing. entity that is easiest to make a playlist for because you just have to pick edgy songs from early 2010s amvs. Grifters Bone was actually just playing "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters.

END - death is just like kinda fun tbh. simple, straightforward, down to earth kinda entity. people really liked connecting unus annus to the end so they instantly rise in the ranking for me. i would invite an end avatar to my house to bake a pie, which i cant really say is true for any other entity.

VAST - used to be higher on the list, but one of my ex-friends really liked them so now im legally required to form a grudge. their aesthetic is great and every vast avatar just seems like theyre having a genuinely good time! being their avatar would probably be the best option out of all of them, since all you have to do is throw some people off a building every now and then, and you can spend the rest of the time just flying around the upper atmosphere or chilling in the ocean. literally nothing about them scares me. the vast emptiness of unexplored depths/heights? thats cool as hell, and i would LOVE to be stuck at the bottom of the ocean. im obsessed with how large the universe is and how small we are. unfathomably large creatures? give me more!!! whales arent big enough, and i think the vast is right to want creatures so large that you cant even perceive them. i was so disappointed as a child when i found out that dinosaurs werent like 100 stories tall. if a shark the size of mount everest showed up at my house, that would be the greatest day of my life. anyway they would be number 4 but theyre 7 now because that friend ruined them. get rekt.

EYE - tbh i dont have much to say about the eye. theyre just sorta there for me. they get points bc the aesthetic is impeccable and everyone draws dope art, and also i own SO much eye themed clothing, but like. idk. theyre watching, i guess. sure, whatever. bonus points for ben meredith though.

HUNT - im surprised i dont like them more, but to me they just feel like a less edgy version of the slaughter. theyre slaughter's slightly more boring younger sibling. none of their avatars seem like theyre having a fun time, and they just dont seem like people i could get along with. like come onnnnn give it up for a bit and focus less on your stupid job, just go camping without making it about some lame Quest or something UGH. extra credit for having werewolves though, i do love werewolves.

BURIED - every time i take a "what entity are you" quiz it gives me the buried, so i have unfortunately developed a vendetta against them. just bc i like dirt doesnt make me a buried avatar!! i have nothing against them specifically, but they just arent Me. 2nd most down to earth avatar after the end (haha thats ironic ha ha), and i could definitely see myself easily being friends with their avatars bc they all seem like pretty normal people, but eh. just not my fav. they should be, but theyre not. sorry, buried

WEB - now i do love a good edgy manipulative character, but i just dont like the web. they seem soooooo self-aggrandizing and im like GEEEEZ can you chill for a second??? i know youre maaaasters of manipulation, but join the club, i can do that too. they have probably the most solid aesthetic out of the entities, with the puppet and spider thing being super cool, but they just dont do enough with it. every time the web does anything i just wanna roll my eyes and find someone less pompous to monologue at me

DESOLATION - i love fire. i love fire, and burning things, and arson, and you guys let me down. youre a cult and not even a fun one!! get over yourselves and just learn to have a good time!! way too obsessed with their pseudo-religious imagery. they need to take a page out of the vast's book and learn to just have a good time

LONELY - eh, they just dont appeal to me. feels like too genuine of a "fear" to be something i could enjoy. im not like afraid of loneliness, it just annoys and depresses me to experience. and i dont want to be stuck around someone who builds their entire brand on not having friends. go to therapy.

DARK - they take the cult thing that the desolation is so obsessed with, and then do an even worse job at it. was ANYONE in the dark having a good time, ever? you all could be so edgy, yet here you are just being downright depressing to interact with. get some hobbies.

EXTINCTION - i dont like them and they are impossible to make a playlist for. number stations are cool though.

CORRUPTION - theyre on here again. i hate you, corruption. stupid horrible worm maggot loser entity. does nothing useful and is terrible at everything. are any of OUR avatars having a good time? No, theyre not!! i dont wanna be stuck with these maggot idiots!! the big plan for world domination was "worm door"???? dear lord. im so ashamed to be involved with them.

[pwnyta]

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon...  but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

--

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

[edelwary]

when you were first getting into art, what and how did you draw? (like did you just doodle ur masterpieces on pieces of paper and posted-notes or did you have a proper sketchbook) how did you find motivation? bc ive been trying to draw but I always get unmotivated and stop while still wanting to get better just by doing nothing.

REALLY LONG, LOTS OF ADVICES FOR ARTISTS : 

TL;DR ; skip to the HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW part bc i have a megaton of shit to say lol + The MOTIVATION part 

mmh… I’ll get into details with this one tbh bc it’s a long ass process ahah : 

I live by the sea ; when i was youung i used to draw TONS of boat, but like, dollhouse boats, you could see the insides and stuff ; i loved to add tiny details and stuff, and imbricate everything together !

around 8 or 9 yo, i went to the public library with school and discovered the wonderful world of mangas ! I basically… Copy pasted an entire Mermaid Melody tome x) 

For about 2 years i alternated between reading mangas and trying to copy them ! Then i just kept drawing in the margins of my schoolwork for about… 5 years ! I have a Fuck Ton of sketchbooks of that time, it was… The start. Lol. Never say it’s bad because it’s never bad, just not there yet !!

Around my 13 yo, i went every saturday, for two years, under a bookstore ; there was a cave, and drawing classes ; that teacher was mean and harsh and stuff, but like… Not really. He would take away my eraser for the class, force me to use pencil, to draw something else (bulky boys instead of magical girls). 

I’ve learned a lot, more in terms of How To LEARN to draw than to draw itself, but i still progressed a LOT !! 

Then i kept drawing by myself for a year and i really worked hard on it ; about hours a day, trying watercolors and stuff ; i have a real problem with colors in traditionnal art, but i’m much better with lines (i should scan some RAD stuff i made in the weekend, yall ive never done anything this good i stg i dont know why i always forget im so much better on paper) 

This gets us to my sweet 16 ; i have to year of advance, bc i got ‘’’promoted’’’ idk how to say it ; anyways, i entered my (current) animation school for the first year at 16; vERY IMPRESSIVE AND TERRIFYING. 

And i learned. A fuckmegaton. Of shit there. 

Now i’m going for my third year there and i can make photorealistic marmora blades and cyberkpunk decors if i want to and that’s rad, but here is

 HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW : 

I have one HYPER important advice, and i’m keeping it to heart since i’m like, 11 : Have. Sketchbooks. Please !!! It’s very important. Here’s why : 

You keep everything with you in one place. You have 1 sketchbook, it’s basically easy to take every where (a A5, or A4 are pretty easy to carry, i have like, 12 of those, and around 8 of A3) 

You keep track of what you’ve done. It’s super important, bc first you can cry of laughter at your old stuff bc its cute but not so good, and second, you can just be like ‘holy mama’ and see how much you’ve improved

It’s very important to be organized. I WORK in art, and trust me, if there’s something that i’ve learned this year through tears and missing files and bugs : Be. Impeccable. Now if it’s for fun, go a little loose, and just have a folder for art on your computer, and a sketchbook, no need to stress, but the better you try to keep a record of where is what, the better you’ll see whats wrong

Notebooks are friends !! You can draw, write, glue stuff, make notes, lists, everything !!! I have my life in those. It’s more important to me than any of my phones. 

Be proud of it. Like, not everything, duh ! But try to tell yourself than it’s like a RPG ; even if it’s only 2 xp here and there, one day you’ll beat level 40, and that’s super important : art is. Fuckin. Long.

I cant stress it enough. It’s soooo long !!! SO LONG !! it’s years. It’s like karate and fishing and ANYTHING. To be good at it, it takes time, but it WILL COME if you keep trying. There’s no secret passage. 

You’re gonna me it, believe in me who believes in you. 

Use. References. 

Coming from a little shit who’s got a really good visual memory, that can sound like bs, but i stg everything is always AT LEAST twice as good if you’ve used a visual support. 

I’m not saying COPY EVRYTHING (even though thats a good training) I’m saying, if you really want to do that asian tiger, please have at least two or three pictures of it nearby. Take photos of your hands, and stuff ! 

Make it harder. 

No eraser. 

Paint. 

I draw all my backgrounds on my sketchbook with INDIAN INK; no returns, no refunds. 

Ink, Ink, INK !! Don’t allow mistakes.

And if you make mistakes :

New page, restart

It’s okay

It’s for you

I once started back again a whole EXAM bc it was bad, i got one of my best grades 

You’ll improve and be more assured if you know you just have to DO IT. Trust me. It’s VISIBLE; if you can erase, you fidget and hesitate and ‘’kbeujebez hahhaaa idkkidsd’’ ; stop ; do it, and if you don’t like it ? Try again, there’s no time limit

Draw as large as you can 

There’s no interesting story here, it just helps. Bigger movement of the hand, more place for details, breathing lines

Thin lineart helps

Thinner. Make it even thinner

Break the rules, but not the ones that structure your art 

Big lineart ? Why not

Unfinished lines, vaporeous colors ? Pretty

Cubism is actually based on extensive and intense practice of classical art, it’s not wibbly wooblly ; the anatomy is more correct than you think 

Structure and composition are important, but so is movement and life ; choose your fighter ; mine is fluidity and fun, i’m like, a rogue/archer in drawing. Some people are dwarf fighter. That’s amazing and great. 

Don’t be afraid to do nothing

Pages and pages of my sketchbooks are actually just lance facing right and smiling, you know… 

Sometimes it just doesnt work : two ways :

Take a break, Kiki’s delivery service style

Keep trying, break your art until it obeys and comes back

Take breaks. Breath. 

Don’t compare. I do it, it doesn’t help at all. You’ll make it ; and if you compare, keep in mind that everyone’s different

I’m not gonna lie, it’s NOT easy, it’s even hard 

But I really, really think it’s worth it 

MOTIVATION :

My main bitch 

I’m always pumped for art because i can LITTERALLY NOT do anything else ; i love reading and writing and stuff but at the end of the day i just want !!! to draw !!!! aaaaaa-

Fall in love with it, and with the possibilities ; i have stories to tell, tell me yours ! Do your best, one day it WILL work

Actual advices : 

I have an inspiration blog where i just reblogs stuff i like to draw them later

Find a picture, copy it. Do it again. Change the characters (i have 2 ocs and Lance and Keith as default characters) in the pic. 

Like an artstyle ? Break it to its very core, analyse it, copy it, redo it, trace it and ABSORB it. Don’t copy/past, LEARN from your heroes.

Do what you like. I have 86578 pieces of voltron, this is not a coincidence. I have ENDLESS ideas for this show, wtf. 

Try new things. Buy indian ink im begging you. It’s so cool. 

Have a game with yourself, or a challenge. STICK TO IT. 

Study. When you’re bored, usually it’s because you’re stagnating. Make it harder or do hands until you cry. 

Love your backgrounds; make backgrounds, study trees, and tokyo streets, and venice’s bridges. Decor is just as cool as characters, if not more

Mess a little with everything. My roomate more than one found me stained from head to toes trying to DO STUFF 

Draw outfits. Draw what you want but can’t afford 

MAKE YOUR LIFE A COMIC. Remember those sketchbooks ? Make a comic a week/month/every full moon, whatever, and draw your life (mine’s the roomates au lol) 

Prompts blogs are cool too 

Make fanart of a fic you liked ; you have the characters and the pose already, you just have to illustrate ; double bonus, you probably will make a writer’s day, if not year !

That little movie that plays when you listen to your favorite song ? DRAW IT

Your favorite scene in your favorite movie ? Redraw each shot. On post it. Plus it looks awesome afterwards to have the infamous TREX scene of Jurassic Parks in post it

Get bored. That’s inevitable. Dance, scream, get back to it. Walk, draw everything you see. 

Make a paper google map street view : Take a walk : every 50 meters, draw what is in front of you. 

Snapchats your friends. Draw their snapchats when they answer 

Draw maps. Invent places. Invent bikes, and hovercrafts, and monsters. Make your everyday inventory. Make your life a video game, and do the concept arts of it. 

FETCH your inspiration. I have approx. 20 artbooks, full of drawings and concept arts of my fave movies/games ; take what you like and add it to the story you have since you’re 8. We all have one. 

Ask for it ; your sis, your mom, me even ! If you dont have ideas, someone will have them. 

WELL i’m gonna stop there, even though i got like, 9864567 more to say, but with this you should be fine ! Anon, i’m rooting for you ! we all start somewhere, just hold on!!!! 

[haeroniel-doliet]

A boy I like

Theres this boy i like. In short and easy; hes pretty, hes funny and hes convenient. But.

For the first time in 20 years i have a real crush, a really really real one that my heart hurts a little. I realised this about half a year ago. I knew him before hand as a casual friend since we have the same hobby at uni and are in the same year and school. Initially i thought nothing much of him, he made silly faces and jokes but wasnt that big of a deal. Then somehow, on one roadtrip to a competition i sat with him in the front seat, and we talked about all so many things. All sorts of things we have in common and not so common and it was surprisingly nice how the conversation flowed. He photobombed all my pictures with stupid faces (that later i found myself looking at thinking how changing...) and on the way back i sat with him again, a little say and trying my best to seem very cool. We sano along the whole long ride back and his deep voice made my heart soft and gooey.

In the next month or so, this little flicker turned into a somewhat infatuation on my side. I looked over his facebook in depth, asked others more so what they think of him, looked over the pictures and snapchats of that day fondly. I realised I he was so convenient ticking all the boxes. He's local, has a sweet accent, has a car and knows the place. His family is sweet, religious etc and i think id get along with them. He doesnt drink or smoke. I even really think my whole family would really like him, the way he is outdoorsy and in the military and a proper clean guy. He likes climbing and hiking and scouts and fun games and such (sports, but not above a pizza and not too obsessed with fitness), he makes silly faces and such good jokes. He makes me laugh so easily. Hes single, definitely at least interested in girls. And for some reason about nobody else i talked to even found him romantically viable, let alone attractive!

What does make it so odd that i can't get him off my mind, and that i find him, beard and armhair and being "short" and all with his stupid silly faces and a nice butt. Is that i don't find any other man attractive. I'm fairly certain I'm gay, maybe bi maybe who knows. I'm also at least gray Ace, and sex uh weirds me out a whole bunch. So it makes sense I've not felt attraction and crushes growing up, but its so confusing that its so terribly intense (and nice) and its to very much a guy, and not a girl. (girls mind you i find so pretty and attractive daily, but i dont seem to really form crushes)

Besides that bugging me, i just figured maybe I'm bi! Maybe i'll open up to sex and all that if im in a relationship, but he seems friendly enough not to mind that even if i dont. How nice would it be to have someones hand to hold! To have someone to sit next to and who to say i love you to. Who to text late at night and to want to get out of bed for. I just wanted to feel a cozy cute relationship, and he seemed to be just the ticket. We started talking more, hanging out more, sitting in class together, and i thought i caught him looking at me more often, stand closer more often. Driven by a wild first time crush, my heart just decided to yall "he likes me back! He does! This is real and possible and great!" and even my friends (maybe because i was so enthusiastic) said they noticed it too, that our texts etc must be signs he likes me back.

So about 4 months ago before i went home for the summer, i began to get more antsy. Should i tell him? Surely i don't need to wait longer as the thought of him took up a lot of my daily hours. I thought of course even if hed say no, i can just run away for the summer and let the situation cool down without any awkwardness (glad i had that plan eh) and if it worked we could spend the summer texting and calling and it be really really sweet when we got together again!! So i got up my course, i planned the text to tell him (so he could think about it and not feel pressure to answer immediately or in public) my friends called me brave for apparently they would never dare to tell their crush. So i did it! I did as everyone told me, and i told him. Made myself all vulnerable and open and admitted i was smitten with him.

Now would this be any problem if it had gone like id hoped? Nope. He does not feel the same in the slightest and it was "such a surprise" so i had and cried and told my friends and cried and had our conversation and cried. In that week i learned that thats what heartbreak felt like. I learned the science behind why it hurt so so so bad. And i hoped up in bed being absolutely destroyed and miserable. Its precisely my fault for all the hopes i build up, all the dreams I'd dared allowed myself to have.

So over the summer, we didnt speak. Of course. But any reminder stung, seeing his picture pop up in facebook messenger, his name anywhere, any and all i hurt.

Over the summer i tried quite a lot to find a new affection, a whole lot if tinder indeed. And i ended up thinking of him little enough except to question what made him so special? As all these other boys just disinterest me.

Worse as we come back. We still share a hobby, and are on the committee and have to work together. I'd build up a bitterness, so I'd keep my distance and allowed him only basic friendly interaction or admittedly somewhat mean jabs and jokes. I had to inspect again, why am j like this? Why have my feelings not really changed? Why is he still so ideal in my eyes and i still want that dream i had. I figured out he was just so convenient. Thats what it boils down to. And so stupid stupid funny. And quite handsome in the right situation.

Hes still on my mind, so i ask in every avenue i can think of, what should I do?? How do i kill hope? Should i? Is there even the slightest chance he may change his mind? Maybe if i make myself look better, maybe if i build up our friendship more, maybe if that girl he liked doesnt want him and i can be a back up option.

Most tell me i need to just move on and forget about it, that theres no hope as he told me directly he doesnt like me back. But i just cant seem to stomach it. Just yesterday again we spent a competition day together, and everything just felt just as sweet as when j thought he liked me back. I find him so attractive still. I dont believe hes perfect, thats a little extreme. Nor do i think i'll never find someone else i'll like just as much and more.

But until then i'm so stuck. I'm trapped and it hurts and feels so strange. What can i possibly do to ease it? I cannot make him love me back. I want to wait for him to change his mind though. But thats terribly selfish. How do i just be a good friend to him? How do i free up all this space in my mind he still takes up?

Boy i like, please just either make me hate you, or love me back. I am hooked on you and it's gonna do nobody any good since you'll probably never like me the same way. I just am not what you want, even though youre everything i want.

[hyliagirl42]

Thanks for the tag!!! :D

Name: Kirsten

Nicknames: Twi, Lyra, Kitty, and The One Who Hurts Her OCs Too Much

Zodiac: virgo

Height: 5'4" I think? Idk i havent measured myself in literal years but im told im around that height. Average to short

Language: English, I took 4 years of spanish classes but didnt retain any of it, Im attempting to learn Japanese

Nationality: American -_- (i am so sick of this country's crap)

Favorite season: autumn! Thats when my birthday is, its got perfect sweater weather and less bugs, the leaves all turn pretty colors, my inner cat is excited to stomp on all the crunchy leaves on the ground...its a great season ^w^

Favorite flower: columbine, because theyre super pretty, but I also like chrysanthemums (cuz purple chrysanthemums have a lot of symbolism for my OCs)

Favorite scent: homemade cookies, or the smell of chocolate in general

Favorite color: aqua and any really pretty shade of blue/green, although purple is high up on my list too. Gotta love those pretty ocean colors!!

Favorite animals: cats, wolves, koalas, dragons, griffins (idk if im spelling that right), etc

Favorite fictional character: everyone and their mom knows that I love Twilight Princess Link, but I also like Ciel Phantomhive, Sebastian Michaellis, Edward Elric, Greed (from FMA if that wasn't already obvious), Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Chuuya Nakahara (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allen Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nezuko (Demon Slayer).... oh wait i was only supposed to choose one, wasnt I

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: i dont drink coffee and Ive only ever had tea once in my life so imma say hot chocolate lol

Average amount of sleep: 8-10 hours and sometimes closer to 12-14 and I cant stand sleeping less than 7 hours (SCREW GRADES, SCREW EVERYTHING, IM A DEPRESSED MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMER AND WANNA SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY SOMETIMES OK?? AND NOTHING IS GONNA STOP ME!!)

Dogs or cats: im a cat person but dogs are also the most adorable rays of sunshine. But im still a cat person, cuz not only are they fluffy and cuddly and adorable but theyre ALSO sassy and sometimes tsundere and just the saltiest little jerks ever and I love them XD also lets just say there are SEVERAL reasons why all my irl friends call me Kitty

Number of blankets I sleep with: honestly it depends on the time of month and also the season. Winter? At least two. Summer? The one lightest and less warm blanket I own. (And once a month I have to have a blanket underneath me cuz I HAVE ruined my sheets before and would rather get a blanket dirty than deal with stained sheets for like forever)

Dream trip: JAPAN!! I WANNA BUY ALL THE EXPENSIVE ALCOHOL MARKERS AND ANIME MERCH AND I WANNA GO TO A JAPANESE SHRINE AND I WANNA BUY COSPLAYS AND EAT YUMMY FOOD AND I JUST LOVE JAPAN OK (yes Im a weeaboo, what are you gonna do about it?? Sue me)

Blog established: good question...a year and a half ago? I think? I havent been on very long tbh

Follower count: oh geez i cant remember off the top of my head lemme go look that up...i havent checked in forever...209 apparently

Random fact: in elementary and middle school i memorized I think 80 or 90 something digits of pi. And if you think thats impressive, my little brother memorized 200 something last I checked. If yall want me to prove it I will

Now for people to tag, huh? Who all HASNT been tagged already lol...uhhh...ok never mind everyone I usually tag on this stuff was already tagged by ranger so I guess this means that EVERYONE WHO SEES THIS (who hasnt already done it) IS TAGGED!! ALL OF YOU!! >:3

Whoops I tend to accidentally spam shit… sorry xD

1. Name: AW HELL NAW

2. Nickname: Aloep, “The Witch,” Al (I don’t like it but I ain’t gunna tell people to stop), and Aloe (also don’t particularly like it but again not gunna stop people, only reason its my tumblr is because Aloep was already taken ;-;)

3. Zodiac sign: Aries

4. Height: 5′4 (THAT IS NOT SHORT)

5. Languages: English

6. Nationality: aMERICA

7. Favorite Season: Spring if it wasn’t for the cyclists, Fall is also amazing

8. Favorite Flower: i don’t know flowers….soooo Forsythia? It makes a good replacement for a fence

9. Favorite Scent: Sandal wood

10. Favorite Color: depends, for my gaming set up its red and black, but I also love blues and thats what my room mainly consists of

11. Favorite Animals: Snek

12. Favorite Fictional Character: Threshhhhhhh! and other misc LoL champions

13. Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Hot chocolate! then Egyptian Licorice tea, no coffee whatsoever

14. Average Amount of Sleep: 6-8

15. Dogs or Cats: I like them both, but I would kill someone if I had to have one. too high maintenance and too much fur. Snek all the way

16. Number of Blankets you Sleep with: 2 weighted blankets and 1 comforter

17. Dream Trip: going around and spending time with all my online friends

18. Blog Established: IDK I made it like 6 months ago but just became active 2 weeks ago or so

19. Followers: 20..? I don’t fucking know

20. Random Fact: I already did 6 of these, but I guess I’m serving my dues soooo hmm…. I tried NOT to become a Thresh one-trick but I accidentally became one? Also no matter what people say elo hell does exist, can’t carry when your jungle goes 0/16 and after 40 minutes doesn’t get a single kill.

WELL I HAVE SERVED FOR THE CRIME OF SPAMMING YOUR TUMBLR, @gil-notskajla

@fi-wardsword​ (also thanks for following me holy hell <3)

@alittlespace-ace

@skythalia (don’t know why I can’t tag you, probably settings..)

@deviancydriven

@expressionlessbanter

@bo0-b00

@gr1mreaper

@reallyshadowycollective

[chickenfetus]

softly whispers all for the flower ask

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

chickens/eggs

lance lol

cereal….. everyone in class is stealing my trademark…

water

memes

bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?

fuck,,, my fav characters?? and if i like someone then them i guess? but rn my heart belongs to 2d

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

mm it changes?? right now its either this cover (its in japanese) or this song (english but its a tad bit scream-y)

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?

its all soundtracks from anime lmao,, 

from kimi no na wa’s soundtrack we have this, this and this 

from free!’s ost we have this song that killed every mh shipper lol 

and lastly, not from an anime ost, its shelter 

none of these actually help me fall asleep but i like them,, hell i dont think theres any song that can help me fall asleep

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?

miyu//keis does this ensure it doesnt show up i hope it does i recently followed them while lurking in the mi//sawa tag lol theyre a good graphic person??? idk what theyre called;;

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

the succulent things but i wouldnt be able to care for it bc i succ (perfect match)

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

im a sunny day and rainy evening person… ok maybe sunny day if im not directly under the sun because i do enjoy the sun’s warmth rainy days are nice too,, only if im indoors.. rainy evening is perfect,, as long as no bugs can get it im safe and secure and chill

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

blue!!!!! is sky blue a shade

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

a cat…..

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

ok ive had dreams every night this week but now i cant re oh wait i do remember last night’s dream but only the lame part,, ok so i dreamt i had a 4* hina on bang dream..,,, i dreamt of another thing but i forgot :-( the 4* was indeed a dream though sad i havent gotten a single 4* yet lmao my luck is awesome oh but i did get a 5* and two 4*s on enstars so thats cool

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

cotton candy,, has flavours????? 

cookies and cream!!

i like water juice

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

none??? i guess i paint when i have to although i rly wanna paint but im just a lazy fool

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

i dont use make up i am a youngin also what does the second question say i dont understand

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

neither lmao i have a fear of butterflies and bees… bees fear me i fear bees its mutual fear i like cats better but i like dogs too

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

yes,,, i was gonna ask if it was even possible to have a favourite but then i remembered i do actually one although its more of a jellybean thing its poifull!!

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

mermaid bc i wanna live in the water

sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

ok i just finished acca so naturally i still think abt it and jean called nino his ‘partner in crime’ so nnow i want one (a partner in crime i mean not a nino but thatd b cool 2)

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

yes i havent been in a pool in like 3 years oh boy,, breaststroke is the easiest lmao i forgot how to do any of the others

windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why you like them

softshouyous, well i followed her bc she talks in her tags so thats one thing,, shes also super nice?? and helpful!!! a good friend and mutual!!!! im also comfy enough with her to like,, be sarcastic and we can shame each other freely.. without worrying abt offending one another,, theres also the fact that she understands me (ok this may b what i like 2 think and falen actually doesnt get me but its COOL) idk man i just love her,,, my bud whens our one year friendsivary i gotta search that up :0

(i almsot forgot to do the rest go me anyway) next is,, youhavebeentraceyd bc shes one of my first mutuals (sorry to the one who was actually my first) who i actually talked to!!! we both watch daiya and i didnt rly follow anyone who liked daiya previously and oh!! we had the same notps LOL i love tracey’s art and hell i think she dragged me to mochi hell kudos to u tracey idk i jsut enjoy her presence on my dash and get v excited to see her art on there we may not talk as much anymore but i still appreciate her a lot!!! bless u tracey and thank you!!! (for being alive i wish u all the best in life)

alpacarara i like her bc shes basically my tumble mum,, the mum i actually talk to and ask for help/advice she gives good advice too and shes v approachable,,,,,,, a v good friend,,,,,, u r appreciated by me,,,, yes........... shizu chan also appreciates ur existence momther,,,, thakn u 4 all youve done 2 helpme a good pal.... bless u,

clearly these r  getting hard bc my mind is goddamn empty rn but ill manage,, kacchan whose url is not spelt like that but thats ook bc one day it will be but now im starting to think i shouldnt leave it as that bc someones bound to stumble upon this extra post in the kacchan tag goddammit,, annYWay i like kacchan bc theyre friendly! and also v relatable,,,, theyre also kinda scary but thats ok bc its the good kind of scary idk man kacchan is just, great?? we dont talk but thats cool bc ik we’re still friends even if we dont have full blown convos!!!! id b 2 nervous 2 talk 2 them not bc theyre bad or anythign im just a ??? a bad conversationalist and also v lazy ok  thats besides the point i like kacchan bc kacchan is kacchan so??? theyre a good friend and we tag each other in things and i like that friendship its a good type of friendship,,, idkdkdk?? theyre just. chill not literally chill but just chill. this doesnt make sense anymre gomenasorry

lAST ONE uh hhhh every one of my mutual’s blogs why i like all of them?? bc theyre not problematic!! they post good content trademark and r lovely even if we dont talk much!!! i love everyone period

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

i am more of a Disaster in the kithcen

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

u guys shld b surprised yall even exist (if i am the True Parent)

if not,, then itd b u guys r with me and my partner in crime,, who is actually a real person,,,,,, be shocked idk im just trying t o make it clear that in the event i do get married id surprise myself bc me/?? have a good and lasting relationship????? impsossible 

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

they shouldve told me to stick with cereal

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

doe s lance count

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

was this supposed 2 say sunrise,,,, anyway sunrise i guess bc im a morning person (when i WILLINGLy wake up by myself) on hot ass days sunset bc then i wont b sweating 24/7

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

yEAH LOL i wake up early on weekends bc i want to and i have to wake up early on weekdays so,,, i prefer not to sleep later than 12am bc i am Fear and in the event that i do sleep later than 12 its bc im talkin 2 a friend i like a lot

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

water tea english breakfast,, havent had that in awhile tho

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

i have non

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

i have nnone but i dont even nickname my pkmn so 

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

depends? on the tme??? if its late at night id rather b asleep and cozy if its in the day then maybe.. .. .

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

i like all of my food plain and dry (cereal) unless its noodles,, i need my noodles iin soup

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

drinking water