#thats their little thing theyve always done and we get to see part of it now. and know. thats so.

[3416]

auston sitting there and taking his sweet time to doodle this absolutely incoherent nonsense on mitch's gloves and make him laugh.................. okay

[luckyqueenreign]

LITG: Double Trouble EP 9 Recap

here we go....

I meannnnn it makes sense ivy is going home. If I were watching this I wouldve hated Ivy too so I guess I get that. I just thought she brought so much drama that fb would want to keep her around!! I chose the option she's done a few shady things...Grace agreed lolol. the little short king Ryan getting all mad about Ivy going home 🤣 him and Lewie on screen together is so funny to me. Ryan looks tiny compared to him.

Amelia sister moment is cute! and finally we should chat later !! I need to know wtf she was gonna say earlier.

Ryan bb leave with her! the islanders all gasp and everyone looks at Ryan. Ivy says MC has a point that if hes so bent out of shape about her leaving then he could leave too. his ass shuts up lol

Why do they always make the villain so nice at the end...theyve done the same thing multiple seasons now. they did the same thing with Juliet, Arlo and Meera. I get it theyre misunderstood and thats why they act out, but nah give me a Lexi exit any day over these heartfelt goodbyes with someone we all disliked for the past three volumes.

obviously needed to see her checklist...best part about it was obviously no guys that say see you later alligator lolol...wait Ryan makes up for not having a beard because of his brains?? since when is Ryan smart lol? I thought this was dick poem guy. also I knew Ivy liked Ryan but this trajectory was stupid.

YES YES YES IVY PULL ME FOR A CHAT!! awww lewie loves us! but why did she say lets not talk about what happened??? never smashed the gem button so quickly!! aww Lew 🥹 hate that im gonna break ur little heart this season! Ivys advice is to hold on to that boy and that she is looking out for us because she likes us 🥹 OHHH we get to get some tea about one of the other boys!!! obviously asking about Ozzy...eeek he regrets coupling with Grace and they havent done bits and barely cuddle because hes guilty about how he feels about MC and that he could see a future with us 🥹 I mean I feel like we already knew that from our chat with Ozzy but we love a double confirmation!

not Amelia saying she's gonna pick up Ivy's slack in the drama dept. Grace and Lewie being suspicious 😩 is he gonna plan a little daybed night for us?? tbh I hate the lonely main bed storyline...just get MC in with someone already . whyyyy is Amelia In such a daze?? is this the zeph confession and guilt eating away at her??

lol when I saw Ryan I thought he was gonna put the moves on us same night Ivy got sent home. wouldve been too much Ry! so im glad they didnt do that but im gonna play the good sister role especially since she backed off lewie...since she said she wants Roberto im gonna say I dont want anything from him to Ryan 😭poor Ryan tho he was just trying to help! I do like this side of him 🥹

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GAGGING!!! not the pitch black room and Lewie jumping in to kiss our sister!!!! DYING. DEAD. DECEASED. SCREAMING. omg omg she was there bc she wanted to chat and something was obviously bothering her...and he was there for his grand gesture...the room was pitch black.... omg omg omg. Obvi next week MC is gonna be like wtf is going on....Lewie will be super apologetic and Amelia will push him away but this is sooo funny to me. touché fb touché!!!

[schniggles]

#those panels in which laios kills her feel infinite #i just checked and he takes three whole pages to kill her. and in a manga so dense its a lot of space #which is realistic for suffocation but also they are THE most harrowing part of the manga #because at this point we still dont know if their hail mary of a plan will work #hell its barely a plan!!! and it goes awry like three chapters later and then again and again #so theres the distinct chance that laios might have done this horrible thing. killed his sister. for ever. after everything theyve done #its why i cannot for the life of me convince myself that laios ever truly meant to accept the winged lions proposal at any point #that he always meant to let him win #he would NOT abandon falin. not after that scene. he can forget about everything else but not that #this is also why i get slightly eeeh when f*rcille shippers insist thats the most important relationship in the manga because like #laios and falin are just as important #again. THREE PAGES. we are not supposed to ignore this. its a turning point #its the moment that seals that they will HAVE to see this through #its also explicitly the moment in which laios realises that he cannot keep running away from what he doesnt like #that at some point he has to take responsibility for his decisions and that includes doing things he really doesnt want to do #and last but not least #its why im slightly resentful of fandom turning laios into a funny joke character sometimes #like. he is a little but he is also. this. this grown ass man that is capable of doing this terrible thing #killing his sister. who IS STILL his sister. and he knows (via livelaughlaios)

does anyone else see my vision. am i making sense. you're a monster now but you're still you and now we have to kill you

[arcade-writing]

can i request a jayce x transmasc reader, where theyre scared of penetration because theyve never done it before, even by themselves? and jayce is just like "thats ok hon, we dont need to do that ^^", if that makes any sense? thank you :-)

And thank you for requesting!

I'm so glad to see a trans request, its something I don't see all that often in fanfics. Or atleast, perhaps I'm just not look in the right places

Loving strokes

🍋 NSFW

Pairing: Jayce X trans masc! Reader

Warning: no penetration, praise kink, soft sex, AFAB body, surgical scars, strap on reader, blowjobs, AFAB language used for readers private parts in some places, frotting

Your relationship with jayce was wonderful. He was devoted and paitent. Always ready to defend you but you did worry. Fears clouding your mind as you worried about disappointing him. He was so kind to you. How could you even make it up to him for pampering you so much?

You've gotten intimate a few times; all mostly clothed and focused on making each other feeling good. Rather than actual sex. Whilst you loved Jayce - you weren't ready for that kind of thing yet. You knew that was okay but apart of you felt guilty. Like you were somehow insulting him and disrepecting his kindness.

You heard footsteps approaching. You hurried to get back into position; inviting your boyfriend over to your apartment earlier. You wanted to dress up a little for him. Knowing he's had a hard week hunched over a desk in his lab and stressed from the counselor's.

Jayce knocked onto your door. He already had a key to your apartment. You called him in, doing your best to look as seductive as you could. Jayce was grinning, flowers in hand and you both halted to a stop. Staring at each other as he processed what he was saying.

And oh lord, did he love it!

You faltered as you took the flowers from him. Heart fluttering as you sniffed. They were your favourite.

"Thank you, Jayce, you didn't have to buy this." You gave them once last smell before placing them on your bedtime table.

"I wanted to."

Was all he said as he laid on the bed. Kicking off his shoes before stripping down bare, as he leaned his head against his palm. His other hand was brushing against your leg, fiddling with the garter holding up your red socks. You wanted to wear his usual colours. Hoping it would be effective.

That damn smile didn't leave his face. It only grew as his eyes racked over your form.

"You dressed up for me?"

"I mean- you've been so stressed lately so I wanted to - ya know - give you a treat for working so hard."

He sat up, kissing your cheek. "Thank you, babe."

You yelped as you were suddenly pushed down. Jayce peppered your face with kisses, moving down until he got to your chest. Caressing his thumbs against your scars.

"Hey, handsome." He was looking up at you as he nuzzled his cheek against you.

You smiled as you ran a hand through his hair. Dragging your nails through the shaven part causing him to shiver.

"Hello." You laughed as you waved your hand. He chuckled as he watched you get more relaxed.

He gave your chest a kiss before he completely lowered, his face Infront of your crotch. Parting your legs as he nestled between them. He looked up at you checking to see if you were uncomfortable but you just nodded. Jayce pulled down your boxers which were ridiculous; having yordle prints on them.

You had a strap on underneath, cock springing up as the silicone jiggled. Jayce spat on his hand, jerking it up and down until his movements got smoother. Your breath hitched as he took the tip in his mouth and sucked. Suddenly, you felt your hips jerk up as he touched your clit.

Jayce always knew how to get to you. You expressed your disdain for not having a real one; even if there were days you were happy with the parts you had. So he went out of his way to buy you a strap; you could take it off whenever you wanted and if you didn't like it? That was okay.

You ended up enjoying it. Espically when he rubbed your clit just like that whilst doing so. You could be convinced that it's actually a real dick attached to you in your daze.

His tongue swirled around the head before he completely placed it back in his mouth. Bobbing his head up and down. Your back arched as you gripped his hair. A moan slipping out as he synced up his two movement's.

"Good boy-!" You moaned out. Knowing he would melt at any form of praise. This was supposed to be about him, after all. But he loved making sure you felt good.

He held back his gag as he took your entire cock in his mouth. Moaning around it as you kept jerking your hips. Fucking into his mouth as you sung his praises.

"You're so nice to me - my golden boy, my favourite man-"

You gasped as you felt that familiar knot hit your stomach. Legs twitching as you let out a string of 'im gonna cum." He only sucked harder and moved his fingers faster. Already able to tell when you were on the verge. Removing himself from your dick to place his mouth over your hole. Licking it as he rubbed you.

Your orgasm hit you. Cumming in his mouth to his delight. He lapped you up until you were completely clean. Caressing your thighs as you slumped.

Jayce lifted himself up, hovering over you before he hugged you to his chest. Moving so he was semi on his back and he was cradling you. You could how hard he was on your thigh, your cheeks burned as you shifted, causing his cock to slap against your sex.

You stiffened as you felt it rub against your folds. Your grasp on his getting tighter as you tried to move your hips away.

"You alright? What's wrong?" His face was covered in concern. Cupping your face as you held your breath.

Was he going to be upset? Feel guilty? Mad? This was supposed to be about him and you're scared? You shook your head. Reminding yourself you didn't need to give anyone anything you didn't want to. Your body. Your rules. You'll do it when you're comfortable.

He'll understand that.

Right?

"i--- I don't think I can do penetration- I've never done it before with anyone or anything - I just- I don't think I'm comfortable doing that."

"oh! Sure, honey, we don't have to do anything like that."

He just smiled. Nodding his head. He adjusted how he was laying so you had more space away from his dick.

"wait-- really? You're not mad?" You pushed yourself back, trying to see his face better.

"why would I be? I got the cutest boyfriend who goes out his way to make me happy."

"I haven't even done anything to you yet."

You frowned. Looking down at his strained cock. He tapped your cheek with his finger, bringing your attention back to him.

"you've let me make you feel good, that makes me happy."

Finally, you smiled. Hugging him close as you planted a big kiss on his lips. He grabbed your hips as he fell on his back. Your mouths moving in sync. Sparks lighting up against your skin that went down to the fluttering in your stomach. It felt like fireworks everytime you kissed.

His large hands glided along your body. Feeling everything he could as you parted for air. Complimenting every inch of you. You were a blushing mess as you couldn't stop hoe giddy you felt. Overwhelmed with joy as you kissed all over his jaw.

You felt his cock nudge your ass. He was about to apologize but you beat him to it.

"i want to try something."

He looked at you confused. You tried to flip the two of you other but all you ended up doing was straining yourself. He chuckled, rolling you both over so he was ontop of you again. You tried not to focus on him as you grabbed his cock, pumping it slowly as you gestured him to come closer.

You grabbed your cock and his but could barely fit your hand over the both of them. Jayce could be an idioit somtimes but when he connected the dots. He was a genius.

He grabbed them into making sure they pressed against each other and started to hump into his hand. He moaned; the sensation of his warm fist and wet silicone were enough to get him flushed. Getting enough friction as he grinded.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and shoved a pillow under your ass to keep you propped up. Your hand sneaking under his to play with yourself as he used his other hand to hold your hip.

"Does that feel good, baby?" You cooed. Your free hand cupping his face.

He nodded. Panting a little as he picked up the pace. his eyes flickered to the hand on his face, nuzzling against your palm. Leaving a kiss before he pulled your body closer. At this angel you he could keep you propped up without assistance. He took your hand in his and kept it by your head.

Suddenly fucking into his hand at a desperate speed as his head hang low. You whimpered as you felt yourself getting closer to edge. Moaning with him as you both chased your own release.

He was the first, cum splattering against his hand and your stomach. You squirmed as you came soon after. Legs shaking as your body threatened to give out from the position you're in.

You both grew embarrassed when he pulled away, a string of cum connecting your cocks together. You covered you mouth as you tried not to let out a nervous laugh.

"did- are you happy?" You said, looking at his face instead.

"I'm more than happy."

He kissed you one last time before he grabbed the wet wipes from the bed side table. Cleaning you both up so you could cuddle comfortably.

[bmpmp3]

Do you have any tips for drawing bodies from multiple angles?

WROTE A LOT SORRY its under a cut!

honestly i dont have the most practice with it since a good 70% of what i draw is characters wait up standing looking 3/4s left or right orz BUT some things that helped with the few interesting poses i draw once every fiscal quarter IS.....life drawing orz

specifically life drawing sessions where you do a bunch of quick gestural figures (like a 60 second timer each pose) at the beginning and then slowly increase the time for later poses, like 2 minutes, then five, where you slowly increase the amount of detail and rendering each pose, and then one or two long 10 minute ones where you go all out. i think that kinda structure helps a lot to 1) warm you up and get loosey goosey with ur lines and 2) get in the zone to think about how bodies work without overwhelming urself - like in the 1 minute sketches you could basically only get a weird stick figure, in the 2 minute ones maybe you might get a little more definition in the sillhouette, at the 5 minute poses you got some folds of the flesh implied with a few lines and a bit of hatching, and by the 10 minute ones ur really thinking about how the different parts of the body all interact because you already did some practice (the previous poses) if that makes sense?

ALAS we are in a world situation where cramming 40 people in a room to silently draw one naked person for three hours is not......happening (at least not where i live) so for the past couple years ive had to make do with online resources, which arent half bad! theyre not quite the same, for me at least (i think in person i can see more interesting angles) but they do the job! here's some I've used:

http://reference.sketchdaily.net/en

https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing

https://quickposes.com/en

https://youtu.be/mNNSwITdPIM (linking this channels clothed references so no one gets a surprise titty in the face but normally i personally use nude references) (although recently ive been using some clothed references as well just because i realized im so out of practice drawing clothes hsjlkfBJKLFJSFKLD)

figure drawing and life drawing and especially gesture drawing is also something thats kinda tricky to learn if no one ever taught you (and honestly its tricky if someone DID teach you lol) so maybe someday i'll get around to trying to explain what ive learned myself if that could help someone

ive tried using 3d models but ive never foudn them that useful, probably for the same reason i prefer irl models to pictures (easier to see whats goin on) BUT sometimes it can help as a rough guideline if ur doing a weird angle youve never done before!!

SPEAKING of guidelines. guidelines are ur friend. guidelines r ur lifeblood. guidelines will always help even if u dont follow half of them they are SO helpful - I OFTEN find myself kinda skipping them, like you can see here in this drawing i havent erased the sketch from yet that i drew a circle and then a line for shoulders and gave up (probably impatient lol):

BUT guidelines can help so much~ when im drawing a full pose i'll usually have guidelines that really are no more than stick figures like basically like:

stick figures with dots for joints and maybe some rough lines here and there like it doesnt need to be nice or perfect since its just gonna get erased anyway~ it helps me keep track of how bones work hjfsdskjvfdfs

OH and artist mannequins.....like 3d models theyve also never done me any good like those wooden ones? I hate em theyre so stiff and i dunno what to do with them BUT.....okay...action figures? not bad....like maybe not so much with anatomy but if you have a doll or action figure with good articulation you can kinda use that to help out with funky poses sometimes!! like i have this one gundam and honestly....even though its a mecha with a giant mecha dong or whatevers going down there its like....not a horrible mannequin for poses jfksdlfjrfkehjklsd

WITH REGARDS TO foreshortening.......................................we are all on our own with that one orz LIKE i have tried every trick in the book, every funky tip and method and technique and none have worked for me so i just wing it jhkDmFJKDLS WELL actually having like a page of really sloppy loose stick figure sketches where you experiment with proportions helps a lot!! i do that with weird poses or angles, like dont worry about about how it looks HELL unfocus ur eyes. unfocus ur eyes. i do that all the time while drawing and its great it helps you see the big picture and the silhouette without focusing too much on one thing~

anyway yeah i dunno i guess a lot is just experimentation but hopefully some of these resources might be useful!!

[lisztcmania]

killing eve finale bad

just want to talk about killing eve for a sec bc im an upset little lesbian who never seems to shut up about fictional people and has devoted so much time to this show so here we go !!!

there is absolutely NO WAY the writers would even think that the audience would accept whatever that was. it did not make sense, the ending was very unnecessary and did not pertain to what the show and what the characters stand for. i really do not care if this was laura neal’s way of telling audiences that “this is how it works in reality” because to me, the ending was hamfisted into the definition of “i want this story to be edgy just because it’s real and people will applaud me for showing darkness right” I’M NOT HAVING IT AT ALL.

the ending of killing eve is particularly upsetting because i thought we were over these useless and horrible tropes in stories, i thought we were way past writers being completely blind to the world of those people they write about, i thought all writers of this time are sincerely open to the exchange of ideas and to the awareness of the scope their stories could fill.

it’s upsetting because you can feel the lack of heart put into the script when so many people have put every emotion into this story shown through their art and their theories and their discussions. it’s a sad thing that they can’t seem to see that when they’re literally the only ones who have the power to put all of it into being (the actors of the show could do a better job with the direction bc they are actively listening to the feedback).

i dont even want to talk about how the showrunner pulled the very very old bury-your-gays trope on one of my favorite pairings of television !! bc i dont like being upset for too long and if i think about that fact for a second, i’d just dissolve !!! (to make it short: sapphic just cant get everything cant we…)

on a basic writing standpoint: it is very bad. besides the BYG trope, the finale was just terribly written, they didnt bother going back on the show and the characters arcs to actually finish them honorably, they didnt bother with writing good build ups and they didnt bother with the pacing. they just gave us villaneve romantic scenes, a promise of a happy ending, “sike! they dont get the happy ending” and called it a day like there was no nuance in everything, there was no tension in the text, all the great scenes, the tension, desire, complexities, characters’ traits, journeys, growth reflected on the actors’ performances. this episode was HEAVILY relying on jodie and sandra’s performances.

(the way they didn’t even put much effort into writing the character death 🧍🏽‍♀️there was no build up, so the weight wasn’t entirely felt, their performances was what ultimately gave it that oomph)

all i could think about after that ending is how sorry i feel for jodie and sandra, they spent years with these characters and they understand them more than ANYONE ELSE and they know that the fans do to and yet the writers seem to not see how that passion and love for the story could actually help them write better stories !!! trust your audiences and trust anyone else involved in the creative process of something so packed with potential as THIS

i want to wrap up this post in a lighter tone because i dont like feeling upset so i just want to celebrate sandra oh and jodie comer for a sec because they gave me eve and villanelle!!!! and i’ll always be grateful for that. theyve always done fantastic performances for this show. they honor the characters as much as they honor the fans. theyve portrayed such a nuanced angle of female desire (thats between two women!), they went above and beyond the text and theyll always be the best part of the show. they played a big part in how i slowly started to come to terms with myself and thats always good to have and remember

[gayspock]

ok finished ep 1 :3c randdommm thoughts

firstlyyyy !! hmmm, as an ep? unsure how to feel about this one! in terms of like- progression? does that make sense. idk how to say it... bc it kinda pulls the rug out a few times to the point where im like hmmm idk; i feel like this coulda been done different. does that... make sense? usually i like that abt farscape but here, part of me feels like it was just a "well we're back several steps, and not in a good way that instills frustration, or that was properly exploratory, but just in a this was sort of filling out screentime sort of way" but eh. shrug. it still had a lota lot of good in it:3

ALSO i kind of wanted aeryn to be separated for a good while in terms of what that could do for, like, the story. i think it'd be interesting - because right now, hm.. idk. i feel like crais by himself, with talyn? well im just not so sure!! and again im talking, like, strictly speculatively and in terms of story. so, IM ABSOLUTELY GIVING IT A CHANCE, BTW! especially bc i think farscape does often prove me wrong. however i am GOING 2 speak my truth hereeee [looks shy] ...

i donttt... realllyy... ehrrm.. care for crais and what theyve done with him so far. its not that i dont LIKE him. but he really isnt anything interesting at all to me. shrug. its giving nothing- sorry... its why im kinda glad to see scorpius- bc i was glad to find out crais wouldnt stay "the big bad" because, yeah, it really wasnt working for me. he's nothing interesting, or innovative in terms of a character . sorrryyyyyyy.

and i feel like, by himself, i dont know. like i said- that's speculaitve - but i do sort of... question whether him, being off by himself, is going to be that interesting, because of that. at least, versus him having aeryn there to bounce off of, and inherently kinda tying them back more to the main crew, etc... does that make sense? bc i feel like- yknow, s1, he'd just disappear for long periods of time, and i'd almost forget he was even. a thing. LOL. and his dynamic was also... usually with his subordinates. and idk. they are kind of just npc-types, for lack of a better term. substanceless background guys. i think therefore, whilst you can demonstrate character like that, its never... of the same calibre as when you're actually in scenes with other characters of you know. substance. (and thats not a RULE, ofc, but its something hard to pull off otherwise esp when- well yeah, crais really doesnt feel like anything to me). and that was fine for s1, i think it worked better then, but from now on ehhh idk!!!

ANYWAYS SPEAKING OF

I LOVEEE TALNY I LOVE TALYN THATS ALSO WHY IM CONCERNED BC I JSUT WANT TO SEE MORE OF TALYN .... SORRRYYYY the problem with farscape thus far is theres so many little guys RIGHT up my alley and im bouncing up and down and criyng bC I LVOEEEEE ... WE BETTER GET MORE FREAKING TALYN. SO HELP ME GOD...

also i havent talked abt her much either. i like chiana. BUT i feeel bad bc i wanna LURV her but i think its like... THUS far its kinda obvious they didnt intend to keep her at first. so i really want to see more involvement with her going forward. i dont MIND so much that we havent had a lot of focus on her, so far, even if its like... WELL, i think in general, it was just an odd time to introduce her even if they couldnt rlly help it. like, it was right before all the finale eps and stuff, yknow, so we couldnt have an ep where we get a lot of her!!! but even still, like...

i always said sth i LIKED abt the show was the way they were pretty slow and organically introduced us. so i cant complain that much. :3

IALSO LOVEEE LOVE LOVE THE LACK OF RESET BUTTON ON... EVERYTHING, FRANKLY. IDK IF I SAID THAT YET. but like i love how it HAS been episodic, but things in each episode always actually do have bearings on the show as a whole. even if its just development stuff. like its so refreshing after a lot of trek, and other scifi shows of this ilk - wherein the eps so self-contained...

even in a human reaction. i diddnttt say it at the time BUT yeah im still unsure how i feel abt that one but i really appreciate that even though it was a simulation, they did mitigate the usual failings of that trope- they had the crew in there, and real, so they could actually experience things and it wasnt just crichton going through the ringer. and ofc the other consequence of that ep lol

ALSO speaking of. im kinda glad to see more development with crichton, too, and with all of them but him esp.... babycakes was fucking FRANTIC in this episode, man, holy SHIT.

i liked all of their reactions honestly. help......

idk i feel like iahadosmething else to say oh god what was it

ehrm

yeah d'argo and crichton being WARRIORS together. increasingly obsessed. their rock paper scissors.... oh im obsessseddd

also hate this

OH GOD TUMBLR LOOPS IT FUCKING HELL

[bimbosupreme]

mephistopheles love post

the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more

yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people

first off

ok and with that out of the way,

i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust

that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)

So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe

Design tangent:

Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES

appreciate these with me for a second

god.

oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh

they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--

TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.

anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no

Characterization:

True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.

Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles’ just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust

speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy

When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them

 so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.

Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable

anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here

mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,

like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there

they have this one line that always gets to me

and this line is said with a completely serious face too

the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity

and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo

so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals

and they fuck with you

and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea

Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles

at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess

of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect

OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...

THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3

i cant believe they drew mephy

twice !

and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003

[milf-harrington]

this is going to be pure word vomit but i also have to get it out yknow but anyway i have this friend who my relationship is very weird with, as in they piss me off more than anyone else i know and theyre exhausting and i will go days without responding to them on purpose bc some evil thing in my brain likes to drag forward every bad feeling ever experienced in our 7 years of having known one another and clump it together until i block their number because just seeing their name makes me want to cry or break things but also half of the bad stuff thats happened between us has been my fault and my inability to handle things/handle things correctly in the past which i try not to blame myself for bc i doubt any 13 year old knows how to react when their friends try to cut themselves open at a sleepover with your parents steak knives but theres still times i could have been better when we were older but i guess the damage was done and it reached a point that by the time we were both in our last years of high school the status of our relationship was almost fondly referred to as "completely toxic" and we KNEW with the certainty of years worth of evidence that we're not good for eachother in large doses but god we know almost everything about eachother, there is no one else who knows those jokes or who was there at those sleepovers, who was on the other side of the screen or making faces in class or sleeping in my lap or awkwardly kissing my cheek that one week we dated, who got drunk on lemon cruisers and made pasta with me, who drove out to my house so we could eat bagels with chocate cream cheese in the front seat of their car so theres still this almost reluctant care for them despite the amount of times ive told them as plainly as possible that i wanted them to get the fuck out of my life but suddenly i went to message them about something only they would understand and messenger told me that they didnt have an account anymore, no facebook account or instagram account either, and their tumblr is gone too, and the part of me that always presses the block button is telling me to brush it off, that "at least there was no messy needlessly cruel goodbye this time" but the part of me that remembers having to put aristocats on after a scary movie and the loud laughter down an empty farm road while we yelled about "bushmen" cant help but worry that something has happened, that theyve gotten themselves trapped in something again, that theyre alone on the other side of the country with a boy ive never particularly liked or stuck back here with their parents that i know too much about and then the part of me that still feels a bittersweet protectiveness, that hung up on my sister in a restaurant because of stupid accusations, that always answered the phone years ago, that told them to put the knife away is so desparately hopeful that this is them healing, that maybe this is them trying to clear the slate completely and reinvent themselves the way we talked about sometimes but the other parts, the heavy sharp damp gross realistic parts are only worried and defeated, knowing that their phone number has been deleted for so long i dont even remember all of the numbers, only that at one point it was almost the exact same as mine except for the last digit, which was a 4 where theirs was a 3, so i cant even call them, cant even text to see if theyre okay if theyre safe and half of me is apathetic but the rest of me just wants to know with a kind of ache that stems from something a little deeper than nostalgia

[petewentzisblack1312]

i remember u saying earlier that fob has no love songs, so what is ur take on favorite record? ive always thought of it as a love song but im super curious abt ur interpretation if u see it differently!!! (if uve already done an analysis thats my bad u can disregard this)

oooh anon, youve got me there. youve backed me into a bit of a corner so im gonna cheat a little bit and clarify that when i said "fob has never written a love song" more so meant like romantic love songs, like an ode to a lover.

this is in my opinion the closest theyve ever gotten to a love song in the broad "this is an ode to someone" sense, because it IS a love song, but its an ode to fall out boy. not the guys themselves, but the band as an entity and everything connected with it. them, their fans, their music, their friendship, its an ode to what they made together, and its beautiful. a lot of the lyrics come from a poem pete shared called "to you (unfinished, off the top of my head)" which you can find here.

i personally think the best way to approach abap is from a meta-analytical lens, which in this context means reading not just whats in the piece but also how it was created, mostly because the nature of the way abap was created means that that is where i think a lot of the thematic expression is (being an emulation of mixtape culture). in this case, the title "favorite record" is a reference to how beloved they are, and how grateful they are for that. there is an awareness that theyre lucky, and theyre thankful for the people who gave them this chance.

in part because of the way in which a lot of the lyrics on abap were written, the persona is a little muddled, but i think that works in this songs favour because of the reminiscent tone, with remembering days gone by and nostalgia being a major theme. the first verse refers to driving through the night and listening to the punk rock band rancid together, confessing things to people while riding shotgun as the sun goes down, and most importantly, dancing with people who you feel at home with. obviously, this is a reference to their beginnings, driving through the night in a shitty van and taking shifts so that they can get where they need to go.

the line could also be a different reference to that same point in time, because of petes insomnia and anxiety hed often ask fans for their phone number and call them up while the drove. its not specific, and i think thats the point. the second verse also says a lot of the same stuff, but, if we continue reading it in this way, it also touches on how we (the fans) have done a lot for them (fall out boy) with the line "you ask me how im doing/like you know how much better off i am" kind of pointing to how theyre just people, but theyre also incredibly lucky, and their fans are the ones that gave them what they have.

the chorus is my favourite part, i think. it can be read as saying to what theyve become, 'you were just an idea, all the parts of what became me, and now ill be for these kids what our favourite music was for us' yknow? "you were the song stuck in my head/every song ive ever loved/played again and again/and you can get what you want but its never enough/and ill spin for you like your favourite record used to"

this actually points to a pretty interesting reading for abap, as maybe a letter to your past self sorta. ive yet to settle on one dominant reading for abap but i do really love it, and i really love this song. i like the way its production makes it sound like an old recording, cutting back and forth and skipping on a record. it fits the nostalgic vibe.

-

consider buying me a ko-fi?

[nextstopparis]

Hello again, funky little raccoon! I just have a quick question, do you think Arthur is more bad or good? (I know that’s probably a tough question because everyone has bad and good parts in them and it might be difficult to say which is bigger, sorry!) I know he’s done some things that he probably shouldn’t have, but then he also does some other things that are good and I don’t know??

Cause I’m having another little bout of love for him but then I’m like “ahh he’s not that good though! But maybe he can’t help it and it’s Uther’s bad parenting?” But I feel like although some of it was Uther’s bad parenting, he could’ve still changed?? And so now I’m really conflicted.

jsndksn omg hello!!!!

you're right lol this is a really hard question, but only because i could technically write you like. a 7 page essay on my opinion. now, i HATE to sound like one of Those people that try to turn things that really arent philosophical discussions into philosophical discussions but. i really think this heavily depends on what you personally define as a "good" person vs. a "bad" person. regarding arthur specifically, it also very extremely depends on your own interpretation of his character.

like. is someone good solely because of their actions to you, or does intent matter as well? which one is more important? what about if they repent for evil deeds theyve done? what if they want to but aren't given the chance? does that make them good or bad? does that even matter? all those fun questions.

ive personally always loved arthur because i believe he's fundamentally good. this is for a bunch of reasons (im not gonna go through them all) but one of them is because.... i think its obvious that..... whether properly executed or not.... the concept behind arthurs character was obviously a good person...? at least, to me it feels like thats what the writers were going for? someone with many flaws that is fundamentally good, just needs to be pushed to actually achieve his full potential of goodness? like going by the way they talk about him.... it just felt obvious that THATS what they were going for......

now, a lot of people have a problem with arthur because...as we all agree, i think.... they really did his character dirty for the sake of? comedy, prolonging the story, needless shock/tragedy, whatever. take your pick, lmfao. the way they portrayed arthur's fundamental goodness/difference to his father was through a mostly "tell" medium, rather than a "show" one, which rubs people the wrong way. i mean, you have all these people saying he's a great king, that camelots better now that hes king, etc etc, and yet time and again we see him regress his forward thinking every two episodes. we see him make promises that never turn into anything. whatever. and i get it. obviously that sits wrong with people. it sits wrong with ME. but that makes me hate the writing, not the character, because i personally see it as a fault with the writing. its not the characters fault the writers didnt take the "show dont tell" advice. there were a lot of storylines the writers just abandoned, it didn't seem out of the ordinary that arthurs promise to the druids would be yet another one, to me. they also completely abandoned the small detail that he was born of magic?? but also, you know. i understand that some people hate the character for it, and who am i to say anything about that.

so regarding your dilemma on like. how he's done pretty shit things. yeah, i totally get it. and unless he'd actually done something to repent for them, they shouldnt be ignored. but we're talking about a tv show that didnt really seem all that concerned about proper character development/actual redemption/whatever so. unfortunately, we didnt get that. what we did get, however, was arthur being willing to listen to criticism against him. we got arthur surrounding himself by very good people, who loved him and called him out. we got arthur wanting the best for his people. we got arthur ready to risk his life on every occasion just to save even one other person. we saw arthur explicitly express he wanted to bring peace. that he just wanted his people to have peace. we saw arthur want to repent. we saw arthur promise to keep his mind open about magic. we saw arthur be very concerned about justice, and not blindly convicting someone. we saw arthur want to be better.

again, its a lot of the "tell"ing thing and not much of the "show"ing thing, but... again... to me thats just the writing's fault. he sounded genuine, and im biased so i believe that the intent behind all the above was good/genuine. this makes him a good person, to me, with a lot of unresolved ..... er? everything?

i dont know if this answered your question at all, but i can only hope at this point jdnsjkncsk. at the end of the day, he's a fictional character, and its completely valid to just hate him sometimes and love him other times for literally any reason at all:) or you know. hate him all the time or love him all the time.

[sailorhyunjinz]

i hope it’s okay if i rant about this now but is it bad that all of this that is happening currently and what’s happened in the past hurts so badly and i’m not even effected like i hurt for everybody (not myself just to make that clear) like i hurt for those who have to constantly get targeted and attacked every other day it seems by some kpop group or even kpop stans but it’s not like it stops there either tho like for example you listen to western artists and it comes out they’ve done shitty things too and it’s like every turn you make trying to get away it amplifies and you can’t escape it and idk i just it hurts to see people so hurt and hurts to see this stuff continuously coming out when as bad as it is i’ve grown attached to these groups bc their art helped me in a lot of ways and it hurts to see they hurt people even if wasn’t their intent (because it’s always your impact over your intent) and i feel conflicted if i should even stay in this anymore like i feel lost and my heart aches for those who hurt everyday because this world in literally every aspect is broken idk i’m sorry about the rant i’m just a little lost right now and i just feel for everyone so deeply and i want to know what to do

are you just,,, maybe an infj- cause same-

no but i can understand that you feel that way, its not an easy job but unfortunately its something that has become a part of being an kpop idol. things happen to idols as well because they are humans just like us and when being constantly the centre of negative attention it can make their mental health worse. thats why we need to be rational and remind our idols that we forgive them if theyve done something wrong (ok like,,, not everything,,,) or comfort them whenever they feel down because they are indeed humans.

[all-inmoderation]

kaz (soc) and aang (atla)

Kaz

1. How I feel about this character

love him to bits. he really left an impression on me for some reason, even tho ive read plenty of characters before who are characterized as assholes-with-a-heart-of-gold, he just felt different to me. i think its because despite his tragic backstory, his assholey-ness was very unapologetic, which I liked, lol. and speaking of tragic backstories, oh my god his really hit. like, the imagery of little kaz fighting for his life on his brother’s corpse, and how that experience later formed into the near debilitating phobia of touch for him, broke my heart. it absolutely crushed me but also made me root for his character even more, bc i wanted to see him get his revenge on pekka rollins but also allow himself to be soft like he once was, before that day. 

2. All the people I ship romantically with this character

allowing himself to even admit he loved inej was hard enough for him, so i cant imagine kaz ever loving anyone else like he does her, tbh. if he did, it would be very very far in the distant future post-canon, where he’d presumably be a changed character (after healing from his trauma), i hope. because he deserves to learn how to be soft again, and i think the best person to do that with is inej, for him.

3. My non-romantic OTP for this character

i know people ship him  with matthias, which is an interesting dynamic for sure. i wouldnt ship them romantically but theyve definitely had some really interesting interactions together, (like when matthias says kaz has nothing sacred in his life, or when kaz says matthias was right and he was out of tricks) and i love how matthias calls Kaz demjin/demon, haha.

4. My unpopular opinion about this character

idk if this is unpopular but as much as i called him an asshole before (lmao) i don’t actually think kaz is one. okay dont get me wrong, he can definitely be a dick, but from what i can recall, kaz doesn’t say mean shit just to be petty, it’s more like he’s a no-bullshit type guy who can be pragmatic to the point that it comes off as cruel. which makes sense considering thats how hes survived in the Barrel, and i think that makes him far more interesting than him just being a snarky character. Also! i think kaz’s ability to read/manipulate people is underrated- hes not just a barrel boss bc he’s ruthlessly violent, it’s because kaz knows how to read people like a book and knows their likes, dislikes, fears, etc and uses it against them/for his own gain. this ability of his is so much more sinister and impressive to me than him cutting people up.

5. One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i wish theyd gone onto more detail about what kaz does as a barrel boss. bc towards the end of crooked kingdom when hes finally confronting pekka rollins, pekka says something like “if it hadn’t been me who conned you and your brother, it would’ve been someone else” and “you cant trick an honest man, brekker, you know that”. the last part “you know that” made me realize we don’t know much about what operations the dregs runs. does kaz scam pigeons too? it seems to be a commonplace thing for gangs to do, from what it seems from pekka’s line, but i wonder if kaz would do that himself knowing what it feels like to be on the receiving end. does he scam them but not give them the illusion of kindness like pekka did with him & jordie ? or does kaz simply steal and pickpocket and minimize the manipulation ? i wish leigh bardugo had gone a little bit more in depth with that bit bc pekka’s line arose a lot of questions for me that would be cool to delve into.

Aang

1. How I feel about this character

if you follow my blog you probably already know how much i absolutely adore aang. Aang and i are very similar, except he’s, like, Better lol. tbh I think he’s everything people should strive to be: kind, resilient, patient etc. etc. 

 2. All the people I ship romantically with this character

anyone. literally anyone. lmfao he’s just that type of character! his personality is so open and charming that he puts everyone around him at ease and is able to have meaningful interactions with every character ! lately i’ve been really into suki x aang tho ugh something about suki being so devoted to aangs past lives is just 😩😩😩👌👌

3. My non-romantic OTP for this character

i love toph and aang’s friendship ! i ship them romantically too but even when im contemplating a ship with a different character with aang, taang’s friendship is always important to me and very underrated int his fandom tbh.

4. My unpopular opinion about this character

he’s mister popular, hide yo wife hide yo kids he can steal anyone from you bc hes just that charming.

5. One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i dont wish to change canon in any way, i think it was masterfully done. but post canon, i wish to explore the dynamics between aang and older characters such as bumi, guru pathik, etc more. i think aang deserves to be able to hang out with people who remembers a time when his people were alive and his culture was valued !

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[godstiel-coded]

Semi-coherent Dean-centric rambles

Okay so a lot of this is non sensical, tangential, and a lot is copy n pasted from my rants in hell so please join me in partaking in shrimp emotions in this dennys

Okay so first off I got thinking abt post purgatory 1.0 bc of a post you can see if you scroll a bit and I mean like its so entirely possible that Cas sat beside Dean while he slept on the ground and kept a hand on him while he slept fitfully (dean couldnt be On him that'd impede cas' defense if monsters arrived) and he probably couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in his dingy motel woth Cas' hand resting on his shoulder as he sots on the other side of the bed, deep in thought because Sammys a smart kid he'd know that Dean wouldn't let anyone else do that he'd know that Dean hadn't slept that well in years like??? He would feel vulnerable and therefore take it out on Cas but Cas would be confused y'know in Heaven he was a soldier so you watch over those who cant fight (none of them sleep but surely theyve been injured) so to him its no big deal of course if it was someone else he'd sit across the room but he hears Deans yearning as prayer and knows the tether to something familiar helps him sleep so of course he would sit beside him while he slept as he always did in purgatory!!

And like yknow from there I cant help thing about how so much of Destiel is "of course" Like its Such a destiel phrase and I can't stop thinking about it because like it almost seems like "I need you to take me for granted so at least I know I belong by your side" vibes. As long as its "of course" that means its recognised as intrinsic as necessary as expected not something they can discard Aaaaa!! *of course* I would do anything for you is permission to expect anything to be done its its this acknowledgement that they don't need to talk about it because the answer is always yes!!

Yknow *of course* cas woukd watch dean sleep after purgatory because thats what they do thats what they had been doing but Dean he'd feel so damn Exposed like anyone could see it on his face that he doesn't have an Excuse now he's topside but Cas he doesn't need an excuse because *of course* he would wait patiently for dean to wake because dean needs his sleep and cas needs dean on the top of his game and dean hates to sleep alone anyways what reason does he have to Not like obviously there is something he can do that is painless thst is easy that comforts and lulls Dean and ensures he is resting deeply (relative) and safely like Cas would watch the world burn for Dean *of course* he would sit on his shitty motel bed, calm and still, hand resting on Dean's shoulder so that the warmth can soothe his subconscious. A few hours is nothing to Cas nothing at all why would he not why would he expect such a strong rejection after everything they've been through this seems like an "of course" to him and he knows Dean he knows ot would help him sleep and Dean knows it too but be knows that if it was anyone else it'd hardly make a difference so he feels vulnerable aaah okay okay I'm talking myself on circles

And yknow what *of course* Dean would grieve like a widow for Cas because Cas deserves to not be forgotten not when no one else even knows him not when theyre the only ones who Can remember him except Sam is pretty much okay but Dean is drowning in the sorrow and Cas will never know that!! Cas will think Dean pushed through it like everything else and why would Dean tell him because *of course* he must know, Cas seems to know everything about him how could he ever think Dean would be okay without him

So naturally, *of course* Dean prays every night and *of course* Cas listens to every word because they have intricate gay rituals and all hell seems to break loose (sometimes literally) the more they deviate from them!!

It just breaks me inside because Mr. Repression and misery himself loves Cas like its the only viable option and even when he panics and rejects him or shuts down *of course* its not really how he feels and Cas loves Dean like he's the only thing worth loving (minus his son) because *of course* he is and Dean cant fathom that because hes one of trillions of humans and aaaahhhh what better success story could there have been than for Dean to learn not o lt that Cas loves him but to see in himself what Cas does and yeah we get a little bit of that in 15x19 but he deserved to Live that Truth with Cas right there beside him

And yknow through all of this its Sam who he's known for being most codependent with and that makes sense because Dean picks Sam first priority because he doesn't know who he is without being Sams Mommy big brother and he mourns Cas like That because without Cas he doesn't know who he wants to be and the MOC lecture about how when Dean destroys all the world Cas will be the one left to watch yknow the past and present have always been Sam but in the future he dares to hope for Sam is safe and sound marrying someone or something, living the life he wants but not unreachable and Cas is the one by his side so yeah he has to choose Sam bc Sam is the basis of who he thinks he is and he just simply can't give up on that part of himself or lose Sam and live knowing he failed him but losing Cas hits like a bag of bricks because he loses his best friend and feels he fails him but he also loses his hope for who he could be the people they could be together the life he craves when he dares to hope for the light at the end of the long series of progressively larger guns the tunnel

He deserved a success story damn it and what bigger success could there be than Dean learning that someone could choose to love him flaws and all I mean from 15x18 to 15x19 we saw Cas words hit home and he finally said he Is more than daddys blunt instrument and he said it to the one who created his fate and thats bc Cas like imagine what could come of a few years to decompress and to *live* the life they earned the life they could build together

They deserved it. We deserved it.

[Image description : colored banner reading "WINCEST/BIBROS FANS DNI"]

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.