#thats so cool you dreamt of me :D

[thinkingnot]

beez you were in my dream last night. i had a dream we went to the same college and it was shutting down because they didn't have money and i sat next to you at one point and somehow figured out it was you?

you had a black bob with bangs which i dont think is what you have irl but it was cute at least

i had that hairstyle when i was a wee lil child omg XD

also us going the same college sounds funnnnn (sadge its broke in your dream tho 😔)

you figured it out in your dream due to moots telepathy (or maybe realistically since im always on this site i’d have opened the app in class at some point and you’d see me XD)

[mondaymelon]

RAHHHHHH HIHIHIIIIII MELONNN <33

"i had a good dream that i thought was going to be very silly but then the ending was sad and i woke up and was like WAIT NO IT CANT END LIKE THAT . so i reworked the plot in my head and tried to go back to sleep to continue and fix the dream but wegh it didnt work... SOBS."

STOP WAIT I DO THAT A LOT TOO LIKE its like oh no i dont like this scene BOOM rewind! noooo the story cant end like that TRY AGAIN! ueueueueue thats so sad why didnt it work ueueue sobes with you also. FICTIONAL CHARS APPEARING IN YOUR DREAMS IS SO REAL HELP i rmb once i watched a fan animatic of xiao playing the kazoo n that night i dreamt that he was playing a saxophone which sounded like a kazoo n i was throwing confetti n paper money at him,, i hope he appears in your dreams soon i think it will be a very interesting dream hehe.

ALSO. AKABANE KARMA??? HELLO?????? when is it my turn smh. ...vox... akuma.... his cooking streams were the death of me omfg AND WHAT. HYUNJIN AND BEOMGYU??? WHAT. 😀 that was a very interesting dream CRYING they THREW CEREAL AT YOU ?? i.. i won't ask any further. mhm.

THE HEADBOPPING WITH LIGHTS OFF IS SO REAL HAHAHKJDHFKS but for me it's more like my brother walking in on me aggressively bopping to music and walks straight out :'D fun times!

japanese is a nightmare i tell you. i am quite effectively illiterate in japanese sobs n falls to the ground HAHAHSKLJFHLDSJK why. why does 怪我 and 怪我 mean different things WHY. (one is 'blame me' and one is 'injury') why is 娘 mother and daughter at the same time. why. 日本語話とても難しです。*weary noises* but duolingo is actually p good for building vocab i think !! YIPPEE!!

ok yes questions. im a kaeya [BEEEEEEP] i meant kaeya main. LOL i cant think of other fictional chars atm so i will just say!! fav genshin chars!! kaeya beidou ayato kazuha fischl furina kirara collei childe && uhm uhm i forgot the rest OMG YEAH 呵呵以后不想让任何人知道我们在谈什么就可以用华语🤭 RAHHHH i recently became absolutely obsessed with modern family i think its really funny && animes! uhhhhhh spyxfam! campfire cooking! senko-san! the genius prince! my next life as a villainess! parallel world pharmacy! and i forgot the rest! HAHAHAHA ooh ooh okok adding on!! what are the top 3 items on your bucket list for 2024?

giggles loudly back at you HAHAHKJSKJF i get loads of bye-lingual moments though,, (forgot the word for tissue in all 4 languages but somehow knew it was spelt taschentuch in german) & yeahh i switch a lot w my brothers esp when we wanna say stuff we don't want people understanding (read: parents) && normally it's mandarin with parents + english sometimes!! yippee!!

NAH CAUSE THeRE WERE. TWO KARMAS. SOBBING. DONT ASK ME WHY BUT HE HAD A CLONE AND THEY WERE BOTH ROMANCING (?) ME?? idk. that dream was a blur and i dont remember it anymore UGHSDJK

the vox. the vox one. i remember. so vividly. i was a vtuber and we were playing minecraft and i did something super cool and funny and the next day there were clips about me and i sobbed wtih joy and then i woke up in my hotel and laid there for a solid half hour questioning if that was real and knowing it wasnt but praying it was. sobs.

wAI WAIA RYUU ARE YOU. ARE YOU A KPOP FAN. STARES AT YOU. SHAKES YOUR SHOULDERS VIOLENTLY if you are. fave groups and biases pretty please. i am in love with skz + txt + enhypen. E E E EE. E E JFSDODJkldlkjlajs biases are hyunjin (big surprise) n miho, txt bias is beomgyu (another crazy, wild, surprise!!) and honestly i cant choose with enhypen but im sorta leaning towards ni-ki rn... e e e e

dont be shy ryuu. whats the redacted. :) aaa for me fave characters... wai have i already said this idc uhm uhm xiao + kaveh + gorou + dori + nahida + venti + furina + fischl + oh so many more. ik some people dislike dori but she just wants the mula and honestly girl same LMAO

ooo spy x family is the silliest!! (have you seen buddy daddies).. for me im watching several things at once rn but its the apothecary diaries, the eminence in the shadow, and migi n dali !! these are all still airing rn so im having a silly time

uhhodkoadsfd tbf i dont really have a bucket list... if we're talking abt small goals ig its just to get good grades cause of my asian parents, to improve my art, and to finally bring my smau out of its stalemate cause i havent touched it in months and i feel bad abt it... sjdflkd

help when i talk with my brother about things we dont want our parents to hear we cant speak in mandarin cause they know it so we just replace the first letter of every word with b except for some few select examples

like. "brek babing bot bis bere" is shrek's bathing spot is here and dont even ask me why i wouldnt be able to tell you LMAO

and "b-b-b-b-b-beer" is like how are you or soemthing along those lines. my brain fries every time we attempt to speak in bod (dont ask why we named it that either i cant tell you too my brain is empty) and WOADOJFOS SAME HERE !!! uhalkdf hmm more questions... do you read any manhwa / manhua and if so which. because i NEED MORE MANHWA READERS IN MY FEED PLE. A S E

[milkie-yoongi]

yoyoyo okokok this is probably gonna be unimportant to most of you but thats all good i just gotta get this out of my brain so bear with me here! ive had dreams of bts (specifically yoongi) for three nights in a row so far, which is super unusual. before people assume that its normal to dream about the things they think about a lot, yes it is normal, but bts RARELY appear in my dreams even though theyre on my mind every second of the day (i usually dream about the things i think about often too, like my fears, places i go frequently, problems with people in my life, etc) but the bts member(s) show up in my dreams only twice a month if im lucky. they have never showed up in my dreams many nights in a row except on two occasions, in august 2016 and august 2019 (right now!).

for these past three days ive had dreams about yoongi, and the last time i dreamt about him three nights in a row was in august 2016. the last dream i had about him during that month was the night before his mixtape was released. same thing happened when his wings short film was released too (though i only had one dream about him, not three). these dreams aren’t very detailed either, hes just there existing and i see him for a few seconds before my dream cuts to a different scene. 

many of my other dreams have also been prophetic (accurately predicts what happens in the future, for those who may be going ??? at this word), whether they involve yoongi or not. because the stuff that happens in my dreams becomes real more than half the time, its actually really scary. one of my grandparents has prophetic dreams as well, so maybe it runs in my family? (is there a prophetic dream gene?? that’d be cool to research), anyway, the most vivid of these dreams that i remember was a dream i had few years back. i dreamt there was a fire near a place my family and i were staying in but we did not get burned and the next day we went on a road trip and were minutes from being caught in a fire on one of the freeways (we heard on the news radio later during our car ride). in my dream there was a fire that was close to my family and i but did not burn us, and the next day we were close to a fire but did not get burned. the dream came true. im not claiming that i for certain have the gift of prophetic dreams cuz idk yall would think im bozo but this has been a pattern since i was in middle school and it’s relevant information.

now lets put this together. its almost the end of august, yoongi could drop his second mixtape any day now, and ive had dreams about him for three consecutive nights. plus he posted a picture on twitter recently that was already posted months ago and it has that agust d vibe. if you think about it, out of all the pictures he could post or repost, why on earth would he choose this one?  

of course we shouldnt pressure yoongi to drop anything or get our hopes up too high but i really do sense something will come before this months ends. if it doesnt happen then i will laugh at myself and you can laugh at me too :) 

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 7 (9.21.2020)

A whole 5 months later since I’ve made a post. I’ve been thinking of coming on here for the past couple of days to update this thing but I’ve been putting off writing a whole book and keeping up with the whole “Entry” thing as it always confuses me everytime and I always have to duplicate the tab in order to get the format right. I want it to look good; as this is a way i’m documenting my life for my future self, friends, family, and everyone and anyone reading this. It’s 6 AM right now, right on the dot, and I havent slept. I just had a huge crying session that was well needed, and i’m starting to get hungry. Let me catch you up:

Corona has gotten worse, I think we’ve all just adjusted to it. I feel like when times were “normal” and we weren’t forced to wear masks was a feverdream, instead of the other way around. For the most part i’m spending my time at home, procrastinating, playing games; Roblox to be specific, and sleeping throughout the day. I play it almost everyday, and I mean, e v e r y d a y. It’s a nice thing knowing I found a love again for the game I would play when I was younger. And now I can live my dream of feeling cool with my robux now that I can purchase them for myself and my siblings. I just took my first Biology test last week and I think it went pretty good, despite the fact that I was actually shitting myself during it because I drank a laxative hours before. I’ve been procrastinating doing my math homework - like literally. We’re over a month in and ive missed a quiz, failed a test, and still havent done a months work of assignments. I’m honestly probably going to fail and have to retake it next year. I’ve been procrastinating a lot of assignments, but hopefully that gets fixed. Aside from academics, my life has been, well, life. My friendships with my friends have gone better, to be specific; with my girls, Seatbelt and Ice. (I had to read my other entry to remember the nicknames I have for them on here, lol.) Ice finally has a boyfriend and I’ve been hearing it’s going great, Seatbelt moved back in with her family and it’s been going good as well - it makes me feel at ease for her knowing she's at home. I think these two are going to be my ride or dies until the end. Things with Mr. are good, and I mean, actually good. There’s no more awkward tension, theres no anger, no worries for the most part. It’s just pure love, comfort, happiness. When I see him, like actually physically look at him and hang out with him, its not awkward. It’s not me searching and wrecking my brain looking for conversations to start. It’s just normal; as it should be. It’s good. I feel like im at the place with him that I’ve dreamt to be at again. I hope his dad gets better, i really do. I hope god allows him more time to see us grow, to see everyone grow, to know this world better. I pray about it everyday. I really want him to be there to see us get married, to see our first dance, to see our first “mini-me”. And the same for my dad. I hope I get to see him soon. I miss my bestfriend. I’ve quit going to counseling a while ago as I found it useless as it was just me lying about my state of mind and pretending like it was actually helping me; and to be frank, I dont really know my situations or what’s happened to me. So, im kind of holding back from the help I could be getting because I dont even know if I need help or for what. But I hope I get that resolved soon; i know sometimes it takes a big toll on me. I’m doing pretty good myself, for a day to day basis. I’ve realized I’m a really big earth person, or life person, and I have such a love for this life I have. I have a love for the earth we share, and for the time we waste. I have such a love for the emotions and thoughts we feel, and what we are, and everything in between. I love my siblings, I’ve gotten closer with my mom; even though sometimes this whole quarantine thing with them drives me mad, but thats a part as to why familys there, to drive ya nuts. I need to get on my shit when it comes to school work, and honestly thats what this time today was supposed to be used on; but instead it was spent crying over cute comics from wawawiwa and tiktoks using the “Mr. Loverman” sound. Oh, also, I’ve reconnected with Maria again. We text every week and tell eachother the weirdest things, but it feels good. It feels like I have a part of my soul back, a little piece of my home. I miss Adriana - I realized that today. I think she was one of my firsts friendship breakups, and I want to run back, because I’ve been thinking of her so much recently, but theres much more time to think on that. I dont want to jump into anything and blow up about it later; as I dont think im actually ready for that, or to even face her. One day though, hopefully. Im also having problems with my fafsa coming through, so I hope that gets resolved soon. I’ve also made friends on Discord, aside from simp and crunch. They were these two trolls on mm2 when I was playing with my sister and eventually a friendship bloomed after a fight, and here we are. If I havent mentioned it before, Marco now has a pup named Thalia. Man, I love her.  I think thats it for the most part. Hopefully I catch some sleep after this and wake up feeling motivated and actually have a productive day. I should also be starting keto today, or tomorrow, so I better stick to that. I’ll try to upload these more often, other than 5 months apart, as I dont wanna be writing a whole freaking novel everytime, (but honestly thats the fun part). I hope whoever finds this is well, I love you.

Ended this at 9/32/2020 at 6:29 AM

-jen

[ur-bi-gf]

Teenager? Puberty? Breakups? Breakdowns? Exs?

OKAY. So I had to delete a few posts because i made them out of anger and that was REALLY REALLY stupid of me, and i said some things i shouldnt have, and i made a person feel like they wanted to die and...

I never wanted to do that.

I mean as a teenager, we all fuck up right? I know you know what I mean, we accidentally hurt people all the time like come on.

Idk why i added puberty, I'm done with that shit so yeet that out the window.

Break ups... OH THE BANE OF RELATIONSHIPS!!! They suck.

Actually I wanna write about how life has been lately.

Its been pretty good, but you know I just kinda wish i had someone to love n shit and give all my kisses to but i need to wait because I'm still recovering from what happened in my last relationship.

I finally told my ex why i broke up with him, i dont know if he believed me, but I'm glad i told him... Besides him, the only person who knew was my therapist... I kinda kept it secret... For... A while...

Sometimes I wish I could go back a month and tell myself to not break up with him because if i didnt, i think we wouldve had a bright future. But everything happens for a reason and i do believe that. I did learn a lot. And the next person i love, i wont make the same mistake!

I said a LOT to him out of anger and he did to me, and... I dont know how to feel about it? --- ITS WEIRD TO SAY BUT I DONT.

Cause I'm not used to him being this way obviously. And hes not used to me being this way and we lashed out on each other for stupid reasons and yeah, but thats what this is all about, learning from experience, mistakes, accidents, blahblah!

I wonder why he reads my tumblr posts sometimes...

I wish i didnt express my anger like that but its hard to control, you know when you bottle it up?

I was bottling up my sadness and depression from him leaving, and jealousy of his new gf, and all that and it all came out! You know what i mean? I wish I had a second chance to make this all right.

Oh god, also when i asked him to read my last post and he said he didnt know how to feel, thats why i blew up, god i was SOOO mad, like crying out of anger and shit. Like i literally just let down my walls and let down my guard and poured my fucking heart and soul out to this boy but his reaction was "idk". But what was i expecting, right? ... Well idk, but just not that-

God i said so many things, ame i cant believe i made him feel like that, ughhh. I wish i could say sorry but there really is no way to excuse that. I feel so bad for that, I cant even ughh...

I just got so mad, also jealousy consumed me, because i was obviously jealous of his new gf, because i always thought she was better and now theyre together, i mean come on? I have good reasons.

I wish things weren't like this, you know?

I'd like everything to be back to normal. But what is normal, right?

Hes happy with his new gf, and I'm happy until I find the right one for me because I cant date people too soon because I don't fall in love easily but when I do i stay loyal and its hard for me to fall out of it almost no matter what.

Im venting to a friend now about how bad i felt for making him feel like that, because that really isnt like me.

While I'm basically over him, it'd be cool to try again cause like it was fun while it lasted, but he disagrees.

Im fine now and in the right mind set so i hope i find someone for me one day! I probably will, i dreamt of a guy last night haha but we wont get into that ;))

I'm a teenager, so i get my mistakes. I accept them and learned. I'll move on, and live for a better future

Anyways, I hope you all have a good night! Learn from my mistakes! Dont act out of anger, you may hurt someone you loved. Goodnight/Good day!

Ps. My profile pic is Rachel Green from F. R. I. E. N. D. S.

[somelovefrommetoyou]

Ryan from Boston. Aspiring to go to med school 21 believes you’re 18

Stranger:hi

Stranger:how ar you

You:I'm doing okay you?

Stranger:lol i thought you were going to leave you gave that look

Stranger:haha not bad i just cant sleep that's all

You:that sucks

Stranger:whats the green bow for?

You:oh to show solidarity for mental health

Stranger:ohh thats cool i like that

Stranger:haha dont look so disinterested in me

Stranger::p

You:sorry can't help it just my resting face lol

Stranger:gosh im not that ugly :p

Stranger:hahah its okay im getting used to it :)

Stranger:lol you look so comfy in bed im jealous how are you still up

You:it's not even 10:00 in my time zone

Stranger:haha oh you're from cali

Stranger::p

Stranger:i was going to guess that

You:yup you?

Stranger:boston

Stranger:all the hot asian girls are from cali it sucks :p

You:i mean you're not wrong

Stranger:haha oh confident are we :)

You:i never said i was in that group but yeah ABGs everywhere

Stranger:we cant all look that good with a tank top half on :p

You:lol very funny but thanks

Stranger:lolol ill stop with the comments before you get annoyed :p

You:so how old are you?

Stranger:haha guess

Stranger:its so hard to tell for you

You:19-23

Stranger:i wanna say like 19?

You:i'm newly 18

Stranger:wooo

Stranger:legal

Stranger:im not cradle robbing

Stranger:haha

Stranger:im 21

You:nice

You:so you're in college?

Stranger:haha how is 18 feeling? i hope you had a good birthday

You:eh okay first day of finals so i can complain a little

Stranger:yeahhhh just got done break but i dont have class until tomorrow afternoon

Stranger:haha you can complain as much as you want :p

You:that sounds nice damn

Stranger:lol shouldn't you be studying though

You:i mean college apps are in an i already got in on ED so ...

Stranger:haha oh please look at you lounging in bed looking hot af thats what sounds nice :)

You:true it is nice i don't get to do this a lot nowadays lol

Stranger:haha hey im not complaining about the view :p

Stranger:lol but congrats :) where are you going

You:uhh Stanford believe it or not

Stranger:haha i can believe it

Stranger:you dont look enthused

Stranger:so brains and looks...do we have a future doctor on our hands :p

You:yeah don't really want to go to college lol

Stranger:hahha oh i see...parents making you?

You:yeah

Stranger:you shouldn't have gotten into stanford

Stranger:that would have made it easier for them

Stranger::p

You:i mean it's Stanford so how can you say no

Stranger:sabotaged your apps or something

Stranger:hahha yeah

Stranger:you'll enjoy it

You:honestly yeah should've applied for the UCs and stuck with it

Stranger:i get it's tough as an 18 year old to know exactly what you want

Stranger:what did you have in mind if you didn't have to go

You:yeah tattoo artistry actually i wanted to get an apprenticeship to get started on that

Stranger:haha id let you tat me up i want two right now

You:lmao i don't think you should

Stranger:ill be your first patient

Stranger::p

Stranger:lol dont give up on that

You:i've actually tattoo people before ha

Stranger:do you think its just a stage in your life or is it what your passionate about

Stranger:you're

You:it's definitely a passion

Stranger:haha well keep at it you can still go to school and pursue that :)

You:not particularly what my parents dreamt of but hey what can you do

Stranger:haha you seem stressed im glad you're getting some relaxing time

Stranger::p

You:thanks so I mean what about you how's the whole college thing going for you?

Stranger:if only i could stop checking you out :p

You:haha

Stranger:haha its going im going to be applying to med school so dont judge :p

Stranger:lolol you're like stop flirting with me please

You:med school damn

Stranger:haha you're so judging....you're like steretypical asian kid over here in boston :p

You:yeah that's what i was planning for a while but i just can't do school for that long

You:i mean it's med school like that's huge

Stranger:ahhah tattoo your way through med school

Stranger::p

Stranger:side hustle

You:yeah i mean hopefully

Stranger:keep your tongue in your mouth please :)

You:i'll try

Stranger:it's a tease even though you're not doing it on purpose :p

Stranger:do it again i dare you :p

You:you know what you're going into med school for or nah?

You:wait what's your major?

Stranger:i want ot be a sports medicine surgeon :)

Stranger:bio haha

Stranger:love your deflecting skills btw

You:yeah makes sense

Stranger:hahah im making you uncomfortable im sorry

Stranger::p

You:not really just i don't know how to respond lol

Stranger:haha i feel like you're a low key flirt

Stranger:but still a bit innocent :p

You:i mean not purposefully no never

Stranger:haha sure

Stranger:there was no sarcasm in that comment

Stranger:now you're just doing it on purpose :p

You:i mean maybe you'll never know ;)

Stranger:hahah stop it

Stranger:dont get me going :p

Stranger:now your finger is almost in your mouth too...you're good :p

You:nope just how i act day to day

You:it's 1 am you should probably get to bed

Stranger:again im not complaining haha

Stranger:ohhh is that my cue to leave

You:not if you don't want to

Stranger:you really think i want to leave a hot girl who is accidentally licking her lips, is funny, sassy, and is kind of a rebel

Stranger:kind of a no brainer :)

Stranger:i cant tell if you're enjoying this or not

You:i don't know what to say to that lol

You:i mean the company is nice

Stranger:haha hopefully you're enjoying the view as well

You:i mean i'm not complaining

Stranger:and i can see you getting uncomfortable :p

Stranger:it's kind of funny

Stranger:and then you lip your lips when you get nervous

Stranger:or just to frustrate me even more :p

You:maybe you're just easy to get riled up?

Stranger:hahah that could be it too but im behaving gosh :p

You:that's true which is very pleasant on this site

Stranger:hahah im a gentleman for the most part

Stranger:except for analyzing every suggestive move you make by accidnet or not :p

You:i mean that's a human thing to do

You:most of the time at least

Stranger:i figured if you didnt like the commentary you would have left by now :p

You:probably yes

Stranger:haha howd i get so lucky

Stranger::p

You:i mean that's your opinion

You:but hey i don't judge

Stranger:it's a popular opinion

Stranger:haha oh please you're so judging how mcuh im hitting on you :)

You:surprisingly not

You:and yes definitely on that part

Stranger:haha i think you're enjoying it

You:i mean for the most part people are extremely intimidated in real life

Stranger:i wouldn't be that intimidated if i was there right now

You:i'm 5 9' and agressive i mean you don't get into stanford for being nice

Stranger:i guess you're saying i only have the courage to say these things because im across the country through a computer screen

Stranger:im 6' 4" haha ill be fine :)

You:wait wtf actually

Stranger:yeah haha what

You:ngl it's almost a joke at this point since it's so rare but ideally my partner would be 6'4 so when ever someone mentions it it's just very surprising

Stranger:ahah the omegle soulmate

Stranger:on a thursday night

Stranger:what a find

Stranger:ahah you like died when i told you how tall i was

Stranger:your shirt almost fell off from that :p

Stranger:take it easy over there :p

You:i mean that's like what <13% of the people?

Stranger:hahah im not a statistician but im pretty tall

Stranger::p

Stranger:in multiple areas if that counts for anything :p

You:i was right 13.59% yeah

Stranger:gald you moved right over my last comment :p

You:it would be disappointing if things were disproportionate

Stranger:hmm true haha licking your lips at the thought of that

Stranger::p

Stranger:it's okay deep breaths

You:haha very funnt

You:*funny

Stranger:haha im partially right

Stranger:its okay

Stranger::)

Stranger:im waiting for you to completely lick around your whole mouth :p

You:you're really going to have to get lucky for that

Stranger:haha im pretty convincing :p

You:true true

Stranger:hahha you're so hard to read

Stranger:i love it though

You:glad you do

Stranger:almost as much as you'd like seeing how proportionate i am

Stranger::)

You:i mean i'm not asking but

Stranger:dont lie you're curious :p

You:well curiosity killed the cat

Stranger:haah you're like is he going to be bad

Stranger:or remain a good boy

Stranger::p

You:hopefully the latter

Stranger:i think you'd like a little of both but i dont push limits

Stranger::p

Stranger:just talk about it

You:that's always good

You:tease

Stranger:haha

Stranger:oh please

Stranger:you've been teasing me all night

Stranger::p

You:oh sweetie it hasn't even been an hour

Stranger:i know hmmm i could tease you back

Stranger:but id need the okay first :p

You:sure i don't mind

Stranger:lick your lips if you want the tip :p

You:but also it's 1:30 over there so are you even thinking straight

Stranger:haha im in a good state of mind

Stranger::p

Stranger:i didnt see did you lick them :p

Stranger:hmmm all the way around or not allowed :p

Stranger:haha you sure you want it :p

You:i'm sure it's nothing i can't handle

Stranger:hmmm

Stranger:okay

Stranger::p

Stranger:should i keep going

Stranger::

You:i feel like i should stop you

Stranger:full lick lip if you want more :p

You:my lips are sealed babe

Stranger:haahh

Stranger:fair enough

Stranger:i thought you might want a second look

Stranger::p

Stranger:your eyes said you did

You:maybe i did but, hey you can't always get what you want

Stranger:hmm you can

Stranger:but i dont want to push it if you dont want it :

You:i'm not feeling up to it but from the glimpse i'm sure it was would be more than enough if i was there

Stranger:haha i dont want to even know what would happen if you were here

Stranger::p

You:it's a damn shame

Stranger:lol oh btw is this a one time convo or do i get to see you again

Stranger:i could show you once exactly what you'd be working with :p

You:it's whatever you want it to be

Stranger:do you have snap or skype

Stranger::p

You:i have a snap

Stranger:hmm question is do you want to give it to me

Stranger::p

You:well, jss7461

Stranger:haha okay ill add you later

You:okay then

Stranger:lol now im riled up haha and you denied me from going further so unfair

Stranger::p

You:life's unfair you're just gonna have to roll with it

Stranger:hahah

Stranger:you love that you're doing this

Stranger:dont you :p

Stranger:lol i see the pure joy on your face :p

You:i mean come on where's the fun in that

You:denial is always fun to play with

Stranger:it is

Stranger:so is you with your shirt falling off more and more

Stranger::p

Stranger:lmao

You:yes it is very much so

Stranger:i actually do have to go to bed soon though

Stranger:which sucks

You:it is almost 2am over there

Stranger:yeah im going to add you and then go

Stranger:we'll see if you add me back tomorrow morning

Stranger::p

You:okay then

Stranger:im typically an optimist

Stranger:but im not sure with you

Stranger::p

Stranger:Jeya?

You:that's me

Stranger:hah

Stranger:okay i added the right girl

Stranger:good night

You:night sleep well

Stranger:thank you for putting up with my antics

Stranger:im ryan btw

Stranger:good luck on your finals btw

You:nice to meet you ryan

Stranger:although you probably dont even need to study stanford

Stranger::)

You:and thanks

Stranger:lol seriously dont give up on the tattoo dream

Stranger:i think that would be sick

You:i won't

Stranger:you can figure out how to twist it in your favor

Stranger:be innovative

You:i mean show up stanford with a half sleeve would be both very intimidating and very cool

You:hopefully i do

Stranger:lol will you actually be fully dressed when you sned me a selfie tomorrow

Stranger::p

You:of course of course

Stranger:or willl you still be in bed haha lounging in next to nothing

Stranger:oh so you're going to add me back

Stranger:or still havent decided?

You:i'll add you back and fully expect a picture around 9 am your time

Stranger:hahah

Stranger:oh i have to snap first

Stranger:?

Stranger:lol

Stranger:we'll see if you added me back by 9 AM my time

You:nope i'll surprise you don't sweat it

Stranger:time is ticking

You:i've got to repay you somehow for putting up with all the teasing

Stranger:hahahah

Stranger:oh god now you're making me wonder

Stranger:its prob going to be a ridiculous selfie with a weird filter

Stranger::p

Stranger:anyways ill have to wait and see

You:oh no i just don't do that

Stranger:night hahah

Stranger:looking forward to tomorrow

Stranger:hopefully you got my add

You:night sleep well and me too

You:i will

You:bye

You have disconnected.

[smolsawyer]

I dreamed i met you last night ! We were at this dorm room in this bording school i think and i knew it was you but you didn't knew me and i got really excited and i tried to tell you that i think you're awesome and we were driving somewhere and you drove the car and i told you 'you're eva, right?' and you were so nice and we talked a bit and it was really cool !!

Omg nonnie, thats amazing! :D I dont know how i got to dorm room, but dreams can be funny like that :D Awww thats really nice someone dreamt about me, thanks you just made my day :) And im happy you liked the dream, im hoping you will tell me next one if you will ever dream about me again ;)

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u