#thats not really what i look like but close enough
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high and dry
ellie williams x reader
warnings : angst, unrequited love, bad writing, r is smoking, and also lowk hates herself🤷♀️, thats pretty much it. also not proofread. an : this was originally supposed to be waaaay longer but i got a wee bit scared so i decided to keep it short🙂 wc : 0.5k
there’s something about tonight that makes you want to spill your gut. the way the tiny stars shined from your appartement balcony. the chilly breeze flowing into your face, making your hand wrap around yourself and hold your elbows tight. the smell of the cigarette in between your two fingers was comforting, it brought peace to you. every time you bring the end of the cigarette to your slightly dry lips, the way the smoke filled up your lungs made you feel numb to the thought of losing her.
why were feeling so fucking complicated?
god, the was she look at you, her laugh, her face, everything about her was perfect. she was perfect. and you were sure she thought the same for you, but you just didn’t think you were perfect enough for her. you were always there for her though every break up, through her high and lows. but all you did was push her away when you needs a shoulder to cry on. locking all your feelings away so she couldn’t come and help you. all this pain just because you did want her to leave. you knew if you let her get close to you your feelings would grow bigger and stronger, and you knew it would end up breaking your heart.
but the one time you did need her, of course she was there. oh, how much you hated her for it. the words of “i have feeling for you” leaving your lips. her face staring blank at you. what have you done? you could tell that she didn’t like you back. the way her face morphed into a look of pitty. ellie didn’t what to hurt your feelings by saying no, but she had no other choice.
i mean don’t get her wrong she thought you were really pretty. you were the most amazing person ever. the light of her life. but all she saw you as was a sister. you were her platonic soulmate, in every universe. but was there a universe where you are more then that? plotonic?
you hated yourself for so long for ruining your friendship. seconds before you said thoes words you hoped that she wouldn’t leave you, she was the best thing you ever had, (even if there was nothing romantic about it… to her at least), she was the best thing that ever happened to you. and you ruined it—with something as ‘silly’ as love.
your lips parted, letting up the smoke from your lungs. you shut your eyes are you let all the smoke out, and when you opened your eyes, a few salty tears fall down your cold cheeks, scattering at the top of your chin. each one of those tears carried unspoken words you couldn’t say, everything you’ve been holding back.
snorting back some snot that was threatening to slip from your nose, you reach your free hand to wipe your face free of tears. you put out the cigarette and walked back into your apartment, the scent of smoke and salt still clinging to you, as this night refused to let you ever forget.
#opt1mistic.writes#ellie angst#ellie x reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie x fem reader#ellie tlou#ellie willams x reader#ellie x black!reader#ellie x masc reader#ellie x you#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#lesbian#wlw
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okay so!
i have been craving an idea... knowing on the bars of my cage... for a katsuki × retired!pro hero... Still young, in her early twenties, who was put out of commission for an injury on the field. From there, she practically goes M.I.A and isolates herself, until Katsuki is finally able to track her down and just finds that she turned from a happy-go-lucky person to someone who is grumpy and brash, refusing help and avoiding him. essentially it's angst/comfort, which I think you could do perfectly! feel free to add any other elements
HELLLOOO BEAUTIFUL!! THIS IS A WONDERFULLL IDEA I HOPE I CAN EXECUTE IT TO YOUR LIKING! 🥹 I messed around with the request and made it so she accepts his help instead I HOPE THATS OKAY WITH YOUU !! 😭
Chasing shadows, chasing you. — katsuki bakugo
IN WHICH…as the request says, you were put out of commission for an intense injury, in a frustrated rush you run away from the place that held your dreams, to a small run down town to live in a shack in the middle of nowhere. months add up and you accept nobody will find you, just as you wanted. until a knock is at your door.
Pairing; Katsuki Bakugo x Afab!reader
Content contains; swearing, angst/comfort, fluff at the end, swearing, mentions of injury, depression implied, LOWKEY selfish reader (but not intentionally), sad sad stuff, bakugo may be a lil ooc…, not proof read so it may suck ass
Word count; somewhere over 1k 😭
A/N; THIS REQUEST WAS LOVEEELY AND IM SORRY IT KIND OF JUMPED ALL OVER THE PLACE! I HOPE YOURE HAPPY WITH THE OUTCOME MY LOVEEE!! 🫶🏻 this is going to flop awfully I feel like I could’ve done so much better OUUUCH
frustrated. that’s what you were. angry. It was ridiculous, a stupid injury and now you can never work again? stupid. It was stupid. having to give up on the dream you had just reached all for your own rookie mistake.
so you ran, you couldn’t stand being in the town where all the big-shot hero’s were, constantly staring at what you could’ve become. what was the point in staying? your dreams were shattered, crushed.
you packed your stuff, and ran from the place that once held your dreams, now a place that would haunt you.
of course, people were concerned. you were an amazing hero, and that injury was practically fatal, just to never be heard of again? the media assumed everything was under wraps for the time being, giving you space to recover. but the more months that went by the more the media pressed.
eventually, the authorities had to make a statement, you were missing completely mia. they didn’t know where you were or what happened, of course this caused an uproar among thousands.
you scoff at the tv, and the crowd going out of control. you reach for the tv remote, ready to turn it off before they spoke,
“we have a team of police and hero’s searching, don’t fret, she will be found.” you roll your eyes at this.
“dynamight will be leading the case, considering they were the closest and even he has no idea what happened.” you still your movements. katsuki? you had grown close throughout the years, but would he really go searching for you? was it just to calm civilians? was he forced into it?
thoughts running through your head, you turn the tv off and sigh, walking to your sad kitchen filled with barely enough food. you avoided grocery stores for obvious reasons. doordash bags scattered on the ground, takeout boxes covering your island, it was a mess. you had no motivation to clean, train, do anything. everything you once loved only reminded you of the incident.
you lean your elbows onto the cold island counter, burying your head in your hands with a long sigh. how could you even face katsuki after all this? what if he really did find you and show up? would he be upset at you? he had good reason but he must’ve understand where you were coming from right?
the thoughts clouded your head, you remove your head from its place in your hands, and look up at the light. a weak attempt to stop the tears that brinked your lash line.
It had been months. you had forgotten about the whole katsuki thing, surely they’d have stopped their searching by now. most of your days were filled with unnecessary naps, scrolling aimlessly on your phone, and occasionally watching some dumb show on tv. you were miserable, your once bright smile has turned into a permanent frown. your sparkling eyes, filled with hopes and dreams, we’re now dead and empty.
knock knock.
the mail, probably. you shake the chip crumbs off of you, and force yourself to spring up off the couch.
knock knock kno—
“I’m coming!” you groan, hes never been this persistent..must have a lot of houses to get to. you make your way to the door, attempting to fix your tangled hair to the best of your abilities, you open the door and immediately a man’s voice speaks.
“hello, I’m dynamight and we’ve been looki—“ he freezes, you freeze. the shell shocked expression on both of your faces, brows raised, eyes blown wide, mouth slightly parted. your mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water at the sight, fuck had he really been looking all this time? and why is it just him?
“…y/n.” he speaks with the same shocked tone, almost as if he was wondering if you were real or a hallucination. all you could do was stare up at him with a blank expression on your face.
“kat..katsuki—why did—how did you even find me?” you open the door to its full capacity, backing away slightly; he takes this as a sign and steps into the entry of your sad little cottage, silence filled the house more then chatter, both of you still in disbelief.
“I searched—“ he cuts himself off with a harsh swallow. “I searched everywhere for you y/n. why—I don’t…why did you leave?” the question causes a lump to build in your throat, you didn’t know a good answer. hell, you didn’t know if there was a good answer.
silence passed for a minute as you thought, you move out of his way slightly and mumble a “come in.” he nods and steps out of the way, letting you close the door softly as his boots stomp dirt all through your house, not like it’s hurting the piles of dust that were already scattered among your floor.
he sits himself down on your small cheap couch, and crosses his ankles awkwardly, you sit down on the opposite side creating as much distance as possible, more silence looms in the air, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
“I missed you.” he grumbles quietly, you bit your lip, staring at the floor avoiding his gaze. “I missed you too.” you speak softly, he nods slowly in understanding. neither of you knew where to go from here.
“so..why. why y/n? why did you leave me? everybody?” all he could muster was ‘why.’ because that was the only question on his mind for borderline a year, just as you open your mouth to speak he continues,
“I mean fuck—“ he lets out a faux laugh, trying to ignore the fact he just wanted to sob right now. “I was so worried, so goddamn worried. All I wanted was confirmation you were safe, do you know how hard it was?” you shake your head no softly, there was nothing you could say at this point.
“everybody pressing me constantly. ‘what happened to athena.’, ‘are you covering for athena?’ ‘how could you not know where she is?’” as he repeats what people were telling him, it makes you realize how selfish you were.
“katsuki i didnt—“ he cut you off quickly. “didnt what hm? y/n I searched every. fucking. day. the authorities even stopped looking for you, but I never did.” tears watered your lash line threatening to spill at any moment, why did he keep looking even when everybody else had given up on you?
“I’m sorry.” you spoke softly, a tear dripping down your eye slowly, which you quickly wipe away. he sighs and rubs a hand through his hair, silence and a few tears go by before he speaks up,
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to blow up like that. I was just worried sick y/n. I was worried something happened to you..” you nod in understandment, you would have been worried if this happened with katsuki.
“I just wasn’t thinking—“ he shushes you. “I know. I know…” even more silence passes, but a comfortable one now, the tension no longer growing in the air.
“I seriously did miss you..you were all I thought about.” you broke the silence, he let out a soft laugh, you missed his laugh.
“I missed you too…or whatever tch.” he scoffs and looks away, putting his nonchalant persona back on playfully, causing you to laugh yourself.
the rest of the night was filled with chatter, catching up on everything eachother had missed, mostly hearing about how katsuki went door to door to almost every town in Japan until he found even a trace of you. It caused your heart to swell at his thoughtfulness, you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for all the trouble you put him through.
the days go by, and he makes daily visits, attempting to get your so called house back in shape, but he proposes a suggestion.
“yknow,” he starts, holding another bag of trash in his hand. “my house is pretty big, and I have a guest bedroom maybe you could— ah, I don’t know, move in? atleast for the time being.” you were caught off guard at his gesture, the wide smile you’ve gained back over the days seeing katsuki, mixing with your brows furrowed in confusion, you wait for a remark of him joking but it never comes, your face drops into a more serious expression.
“you serious?” he nods curtly, “dead serious.” your face turns into a bright smile again, and you nod slowly before exclaiming,
“yeah…yeah! yeah, what the hell? of course!?” he laughs at your enthusiasm. “alright, start packin be ready by tomorrow.”
“TOMORROW!?” you screech in shock and he gives you a confused look as if it was a casual encounter. “yeah? best of the best moving.” you jaw drops in shock before you sigh stressfully at the thought of packing in a day but…now that you think about it, it probably won’t take that long considering you only have necessities in your house, and you don’t have to move furniture so…
I guess you’re going back home.
a/n; this is so rushed and kinda jumps all over the place I’m so sorry growls
#bakugo x reader#katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#bakugo x you#katsuki x you#katsuki bakugo x you#bakugo katsuki x you#bakugo x y/n#katsuki x y/n#katsuki bakugo x y/n#bakugo katsuki x y/n#mha x reader#mha x you#mha x y/n#bnha x reader#bnha x you#bnha x y/n#mha katsuki#mha bakugou#mha bakugo katsuki#mha katsuki bakugo#bnha katsuki#bnha bakugou#bnha katsuki bakugou#bnha bakugo katsuki#.thenaoneshot
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I think in all cases its a disservice to the character for them to do the parents forgiving thing (in chim’s case it was almost straight up ooc lol) but the thing that really annoys me about it with buck specifically is that buck is a character who has problems setting appropriate boundaries in his relationships and often just settles/accepts how the other party treats him… its mostly with his romantic relationships but I think it applies outside of that as well… and thats what makes that scene in buck begins where he asks them to call him buck so powerful and good to me. And then it just felt completely retconned by whatever in another life was. Plus the whole thing about his coma dream is that he was close with his parents and they were normal about him and part of choosing life was him leaving that behind but then they were acting the same irl as in the dream?? it was weird. Idk theres been just enough crumbs with buck and his parents that I wonder if they’ll readdress how the way they treat him hasnt changed that much actually but my hopes are not high. at all. (Similarity if they ever bring albert back I hope they address what happened in that ep bc it was so messed up for albert to bring their dad to LA like that)
it absolutely is a disservice. like, i am always thinking about chim. looking at jee-yun and saying that people always told him that when he became a father he'd understand his own father more. but how instead, it made him understand him even less. because chim looked at his child and could not understand how anyone could treat their child the way his father treated him. and then they had him forgive him and that was that. and well, the buckleys are horrendous. and i think buck forgiving them was less about him forgiving them and more about him taking whatever scraps he could get because that's what he does. but the show didn't frame it that way when they SHOULD HAVE. instead it was framed as the buckleys are redeemed now, everything is fine. when clearly everything is not fine. buck did not benefit at all from that. there was no healing there. and like. i do want to refrain from judgement until we see how it pans out with eddie and his parents but. he's forgiven them before and that was portrayed as something postitive, and then they did THIS. like, and it would be one thing if the show was making a point of showing that sort of cycle of forgiving and giving them another chance only for nothing to change. but that's never really how they framed it. like, nothing HAS changed for any of them. but we're still expected to accept that everything is fine now.
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Got inspired and doodled this in *checks notes* 5 minutes. Anyways... tis him
#thats not really what i look like but close enough#like its a girl she has freckles hairs kinda the same length scrappy lover like close enough#i dont dress like that though it was just easiest to draw#last time i wore a collared shirt was probably like 3 years ago or smth#blah#scooby doo#scrappy doo
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zane + nya parallels
#alek gifs#ninjago#zane julien#nya smith#that's enough main tags for me#i had to MURDERRR the quality on these sorry for ugliness#also for those confused on why i picked these :#gif 1 “what are they doing” followed by gif 2 which is wu's response.#gif 3 is the funeral and gif 4 is what people did to honor that sacrifice. zane statue and 'nya day'#a lot of these differences are because of the writers / animation studio#i am not power scaling their funerals based on attendance#which is. hilarious concept wise actually#braincellshipping#can be taken as such . wink#something about zane and nya and ice and water and how without one the other cannot function the same#zane going to the digiverse / rebuilding himself. nya going to the sea and having to rediscover who she really is#the way nya saw zane die. like legitimately she was on the rooftop (with pix and borg but yknow)#the way zane's ice was what held nya's form together in s15. oh guys im crazy#they have a lot of trust thats kinda. looked over. she did all of his repairs!! he was fine with her poking around his mind and body#which means a lot bc zane is a very closed off guy. 'i dont feel strong emotions but you can see my every thought nya c: '#also victims of the 'written as hating being seen as one thing... and thing ens up written as just that one thing' ninjago writers issue#zane w robotism. nya with being a girl / jay's girl. oh goodness im cuckoo#ignore how inconsistent the text sizes are i threw this together at 6 am and im NOT feeling it#i forgot how much gif making sucked#oops#rant over
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I have a Devious fic idea
#ok so first off Arcane s2 act2 spoilers#do i watch arcane? not really#do i watch enough edits (to send to dante) to understand? absolutely#anyways#silco vander and vi/jinx mom were all like super close sibling bond wanted to fix everything#and we have already acknowledged that our descendants mirrors zaun and piltover (former being isle latter auradon)#i can so plainly see a relationship shattering that that one#are there several it could be? of course#do i have one in mind? yes yes yes yes#i wanna see yalls guesses as to who they are#(cause there are sooooo many choices)#what inspired this?#young silco looks like Anthony#like#thats my Anthony#do with that knowledge what u will
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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I would like to thank the Witch Craft SMP for gifting me a reason to draw Ihascupquake fanart in the year of our lord 2023
#rambles#my art#mcyt#witchcraft smp#wcsmp#ihascupquake#ihascupquake fanart#*points gun* ALL OF YOU APPRECIATE TIFFANY QUAKE THIS INSTANT ITS AN ORDER#THAT RIGHT THERE IS MY MINECRAFT MOM AND ON OF THE REASONS I DRAW TO THIS DAY I LOVE HER#anyways omg hiii blockmen art? from aj catzgam3rz? who'da thunk!#i love her outfit and ALL OF THE WITCHES OUTFITS??? THEY ALL LOOK SO COOL???#i wanna watch peoples intros and then draw more of them because it makes my brain go brrrr :)#oh also colours subject to change! but I enjoy this as like a starting point :D also the flowers are inspired by Peonies!#idk if I got close enough to call them peonies but thats what I was looking at!#also accidentally maybe implied a starborne!Tiff with this design? In my Heart of Hearts she's some sort of Fae creature but maybe both :0?#okay okay ranting over but i am serious if you are interested please consider ihascupquakes pov :D#she is probably one of the most fundamentally influential content creators I engaged with as a kid#and she is still so entertaining and sweet ;w;#I'm suddenly really worried that the ref I was using was too dark for the teal?? because the thumbnail looks brighter >:/?
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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danny talking about how resentful she became when nobody who she self-sacrificed for cared when she died and then leaving kirsch with laura and carmilla bc "if he stays with me i might lose control again and kill him" kinda confirms my thoughts abt both newly-turnedness and anger making vampires more vampiry
but also makes me think that in more usual circumstances, when the dean turned vampires like carmilla and mattie, that shes really nice at the start to temper any of that unruly anger
#we dont have a lot of info on her usual mo i guess but im thinking a lot abt how it mustve gone with carmilla#i dont know if she was a special case or if this is usually generally how it goes#i suppose you dont necessarily need a lot of new ones do you. if youve got one vampire seductress in working condition#mattie had her role on the board#danny was just for end of the world purposes i think. opportunistic turning. to replace will perhaps#but im thinking abt how at first the dean and carmilla were kinda close. and i have no illusions abt what that meant for the dean like#im sure it was just to control carmilla. play into what she needed to ensure centuries of loyalty. and that kinda worked until elle#and looking at mattie i expect most of them will eventually start rebelling so i wouldnt be surprised if she did smth similar with mattieto#just 1000 years earlier. and at our point in the story mattie is doing strained coexistence with her right?#carmilla is well in mattie's view rocking the boat once again for a cute girl#thats so funny oh my god. iconic. take the first lesbian predator archetype character and make it so that she keeps#rebelling against the evil BECAUSE shes so gay#like literally thats her entire motivation 'of course i was just doing it for you' oh my godddd hfkjhgjhghj ICONIC#i love her so much i love her soooo much#what was i talking about. oh yeah so i think the dean in usual circumstances is very nice at first and spoils her new vampires#to foster allegiance#god carmilla must just have been so happy to have someone care about her and be nice to her i think#every thought i have abt 18 yo carmilla is so sad#but i can imagine those early years/decades of her and the dean travelling around. mattie there too maybe not all the time#but enough time. mattie there too specifically also to make carmilla feel wanted and make friendship so she wouldnt rebel#to guide her through her young vampire years probably! damn yeah i bet that was mattie who taught her all the tricks#mother isnt a vampire and i dont see her really caring. i think mattie probably taught carmilla the do's and don'ts of vampiredom#and they had fun! they had fun with it. they had cruel fun being vampires together. i think carmilla was just happy to belong#maybe mattie was happy to have a friend too idk if she had many. not many vampire friends anyway. she seems to have fun being a sister#anyway. just thinking aloud#carmillaposting
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wanted to do a styling based on uni's design for 종이비행기 파일럿(paper plane pilot) because surely. a design as simple as this is easy to do in a game so full of pretty clothes. and thus began the hell of trying to find anything that could feasibly pass as part of this outfit (how is it that the icon for tops fits better than anything I could find in tops. why is a short sleeve button up with neck tie so hard to find here)
#shining nikki#vocaloid#honestly this drove me nuts#i wish more normal tops (ie not part of a set) were dyeable#i could probably have swung like the sailor suit type models if i could DYE any of them#this top was really close to what i needed the only problems were the color (undyeable) and no necktie(augh)#i ended up dyeing lilith vod necktie but even then i couldnt dye out the reflective patterns#so dont look too close.#also all the bows that matched the original outfit more were also! surprise! undyeable#or they wouldn't snap to the base of the ponytail#so magician's assistant it is. god bless magician's assistant for once#also every pink but nikki pink was too strong to dye with the two tone dyes so i couldnt get the blue swirls in her hair#ALSO wish i could dye more gloves but ALAS i guess. shes gonna have to have dark gloves for now#anyway thats enough commiserating. everyone listen to paper plane pilot? for me? please its such a cute song#also fun fact i own this top in a pinky shade in cn server but not in the blue shade? the blue's a little closer so i stuck with that one#but if i had it in blue over there id have done it in cn because the most recent nikki birthday suit has a paper airplane handheld#now if only. i could dye it. so it could be green like the mv has .#my stuff(kinda)#idk if i want this in that tag since i didnt really do much and the stuff over there took way more time than this did LOL#all the power to everyone who does stylings like this on a regular basis it Could Not Be Me
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maybe it's time for me to move on.............
#its been two months since the end of an eight month relationship and i havent so much as looked at a hot person in that time#i mean i've got a queer event in a couple weeks and i think thats The Place to meet someone because. realistically my gender is just-#-too complicated to date a straight girl#or a gay guy#so.#i've also learned my lesson about dating people i'm close friends with because that did not work out for me at all#really i just need like. a younger reincarnation of rafael silva to appear because he is the only person who will ever live up to my-#-obviously very high standards (i would date anyone who is morally decent and dresses nice if i thought they were interested)#while we're on this matter actually people who put no effort into how they dress is such a fucking ick#i went out to this thing a few weeks ago and there was a guy my age there and he asked me to dance (it was an Old Persons party hes a-#-family friends its a long story) but he was literally in a hoodie and i was wearing like a 400$ formal outfit#like man absolutely the fuck not this is a Nice Event why are you wearing *denim* what are you DOING#is it a bad idea to go to an event with the mindset of finding someone to be with by the way? because that is kind of how i'm thinking-#-about it but at the same time if i *dont* find anyone there that i connect with then that's fine. i mean all in good time cause at some-#-point i'm going to meet someone. i have enough faith in both my religion and my own person that i will meet someone who i like and who-#-likes me it just depends when that happens. idk i just feel like all my friends in relationships atm are dating to break up but i want to-#-find the person i'm going to marry someday. because i dont want to miss a single second with someone who will be the love of my life#ughhhhh idk#wait i just realised how long these tags are. shit i'm so single lmao#txt !!
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I have such an important interview tomorrow and instead of trying to prepare, I'm obsessing over She Kills Monsters. Like a responsible person.
#idek why i remembered skm. like what made me remember it#i was just scrolling tumblr and all of a sudden remembered the best play ever created#and had to obsess over it. instead of preparing#idek how to prepare tho tbh#the interview is for an office position at the aummer camp ive worked at for six years#the director gave us all a question to rhink on so i need to think on that#and i guess also what i want the position to look like because theyre changing it up this year#and why im good for the position and why i want it#okay i have a solid starting point now#i also might reach out to the guy that did that position the last three years and ask him if he remembers any of his interview questions#idk. idk if ill get the position but i really want it. but unfortunately the other applicant is a really good friend#thats the tough part of working at a summer camp for awhile. you go for positions against aome of your best friends#last year i got an area director position over one of my close friends and i felt so bad when i got the news#idk im tired. maybe ill just wow the interviewer with my knowledge of skm and hope thats enough#i want to watch a bootleg tonight but i dont want to cry. but it would be the pefect thing to watch while i knit my dragon wing shawl#anyway. i shiuld go. maybe prepare. maybe just knit and think about skm
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I don't know what to say... everyone got a happy ending except the people who actually wanted a real revolution and had a cause for it... but it's not like we had much of their opinions on this I guess... also no final lez sex scene... tragic
#the man silver is looking for is thomas i know it..... thats why flint wont kill him..... he will pop out with the i know where thomas is#flint and co being down to guerrilla tactics.... OH JACK MADE IT SKFJSKSJSK#silver realising that he did this tantrum that broke their crew apart for nothing cause flint really wangs madi alive.... DUMBASS#you know what i think the change between season in centering mostly everything around silver instead of flint kinda diminishes the causes#for billys grievances and betrayal and kinda descent into madness lmao bc his problem is with flint but it kinda is blurred in the distance#idk billy is very against flint and so was silver but the moment he got close to him those issues disappeared almost completely bc#novody complains about flint anymore... its just billy in the background and he just sounds petty#and then with silvers betrayal of flint bc of madi is just not deep enough like yeah your wife but that relationship is not developed...#and silvers relationship with flint actually is so it doesnt make sense#fistfight on the crows nest.... wow.... and billy drowns again!!!#is jack going to fight the governor HE IS GOING TO DIEE!!!#YEAAAAAH TWO AGAINST ONE KILL HIM!! FLINT KICK HIM WHILE HE IS DOWN!!!!#madi is alive my god..... silver was gon a end it all real quick#we could have done this before with twice the men but alas...#why is everything so eerie what is going on.... what is going to happen#MY GOD!!! FLINT IS MAKING ME CRY WHE IS HE SMILING AND PLEADING!!!! MY GOD!!!! FLINT YOU NEED TO MURDER HIM#EXACTLY WDYM THIS WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!!! CASTING IN THE DARK FOR SOME PROOF THAT YOU MATTERED AND FINDING NONE!!!#THE FUCKING TREATY MADI WOULDNT ACCEPT!!! SILVER YOU ARE NOTHING!!!!!#of course thomas was there....#silver i hate you but that was beautiful#them gaying out in the middle of the field akdbakns the soldiers just 🧍🏻♂️#you didnt betray her until now but it is literally the thought that counts#billy STILL ALIVE ajdjajj he is younger and more beautiful i told you.... he is unkillable#Featherstone as governor??? ajshaksjaiajwkqqjwkjwkakwkwwkwksa#look how happy max is ajdhaksjak YEAAAAHHH#jack that is a woman..... also ANNE AND JACK THE LAST PIRATES YEAAAHHHHH#THE PIRATE FLAG YEAAAAHHHHH#max and anne are smiling all the time now bc they get their pussy eaten on the reg.... it is true#talking tag#watching black sails
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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