#thats my barbeque

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

I need Argyle and Jonathan doing the That's My Barbeque scene from Starkid

[ratatatastic]

https://youtu.be/RbgDHyeQNdE?si=WXnghZZuAyvgumVL

Keith saying him and Matthews fiancé do the cooking for him and he just sits there and heckles them. So on brand.

"And how about your barbecuing skills? It looked like you knew what you were doing behind that grill!" "Well, Matthew is pretty useless so! Unlike Brady—Brady can, you know, does things on his own but Matthew likes when I'm down there so I do cook and his fiancée, Ellie, does a great job so. He just sits back and critiques us but forgets that we're the ones doing all the work for him. Which—hey! It was playoffs! I'll do anything for my children."

NHL Tonight: First Shift | 10.16.24 (x)

unfortunately tracks for him and im still crying into my hands its always the one who cant cook for shit thats the mouthiest about it

and considering this clip from faceoff it really does track

[pineappical]

Ted HCs. (Disclaimer: A lot of these are really just observations but let's go.)

Bi king, obviously. His zodiac sign is Cancer, and though I don't believe in astrology, he definitely does. Only sleeps like 6 hours a night. ("Worm addicted early-bird" + "tendency to doze off around 1 am".)

Played basketball in high school. (Chicago Bulls starter jacket!) He also did theatre in high school. Dated a cheerleader. It wasn't until college he started doing football. Him, Beard and Ronnie Fowch briefly had a band. Beard sang and Ted played drums.

He learned to cook and bake to help his mom out after his dad died. Obviously barbecue is his speciality. He absolutely hates guns. He's definitely a functioning alcoholic. (That one's pretty canon, it just varies how severe it is.)

He reads a lot (fiction), but only when he wants to - if it's mandatory or too technical, he's out. He's the kind who when he finds clothes he likes, he buys 5 identical ones in different colours (canon - that one sweater in grey, dark blue, light blue, green, and red).

And a last crack HC: He (semi-secretly) dated Ronnie Fowch in college.

YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!!!!! i LOVEEE the headcanon of ted playing basketball (partly due to jsuds being a basketball player back then too) and its always so fun thinking about how he used to be before college 😊 and with the clothes thing!! its like that Ted Talk he did with his mustache where he got his signature stache and never turned back, same thing with the clothes. he knows he looks good and feels good with sweaters so he stuck to it (despite how much i yearned to see him in more clothing... a printed polo would've obliterated me)

[arolesbianism]

In the newest patch notes for the beta it says that additional lore entries were hooked up but I'm sure as hell not finding anything new. I swear if this just meant that they made the new logs that were already in game uncoverable outside of debug mode I'm going to cry, don't tease me like that klei my heart can't take it

[dorothylarouge]

US Presidents as Dril Tweets

George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts

James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"

John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!

Martin Van Buren: Food $200

Data $150

Rent $800

Candles $3,600

Utility $150

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good

John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this

James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying

Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...

Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...

Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off

Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,

James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now

Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark

Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site

Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc

William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*

Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer

Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me

Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals

Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud

Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me

Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume

Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed

John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"

Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups

Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right

Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again

Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT

Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,

George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,

Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

Donald Trump: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME: I agree

Joe Biden: I will shut the fuck up , IF , it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm

[adarafaelbarba]

“are you frustrated with me?” “never”

With Rafael!!

I love your work 😭

A/N: Thank you so much for the love, hun 🥰 Always makes me really happy when my writing can resonate with people ❤️

Rafael could never find reasons for you frustrating him. He loved everything about you, from your smile to your soft words and gentle hugs.

You knew his coffee and food orders by heart, you listened to him rambling, and helped him with his closing arguments when he was too stuck in his own head, even when you had no background in law.

So when you stood there, in front of him, tears in your eyes, asking if he was frustrated with you, well, quite frankly, it broke his heart.

He shot forward and pulled you in for a tight hug. "Amor, you could never frustrate me, I'm sorry my work is getting in between us, let me make it up to you, we can go to that new Korean barbeque place you've been wanting to try out."

That made you scoff a little, a teary laugh following close behind. Rafael might be a big fan of sushi, had even tried his hand at fried rice. But unlike the spicy food he'd grown up with from his mami and abuelita, spicy food from Korea was something he was not used to at all, and he'd been saying time and time again how he wasn't sure he could eat it without getting nauseous.

"We don't have to--", you tried, but he simply shook his head and kissed your forehead.

"I can get the least spicy option on the menu, lets go out, my treat, amor."

~~~

Tagging:

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[maraudersislife]

love letter from James to Lily about how much he wishes to be with her

Dear Lily Evans

I love you, but that's too intense I want to put my love for you out there but i don't want to scare you but I fear thats what I've been doing all this time so I will stop now ,this is my last declaration.

The fact that we're never going to be together makes me want to scream.

I've never felt heartache this bad, yet im only young , but knowing that you're gone from me is like im in a nightmare 24/7.

i like you so much it makes me sick.

I want to know everything you ever thought about me the good and the bad i just want to know you think of me in anyway even if it’s not in the same way i think of you because i think of you in only good ways and i always will.

One day, I hope for us to live in a cottage in the muggle countryside where we can raise a family (if that's what you want). All of our friends would live near us, and we could all do barbeques the muggle way, and all the kids could play quidditch in our huge back garden ours would be nice kind and beautiful just like you.

I imagine how beautiful our wedding would be the flowers, on a beautiful sunny day it would be so bright, and you would look absolutely amazing your ginger hair flowing in the light breese. I'd get you an emerald ring to match your eyes, or I'll get myself one to have part of you with me.

But before all that, I can promise I've become better. though, you may never know as I've pushed you away with all my stupidity.

People change,I hope you know that and I just wish we could change together.

Forever yours (hopefully)

James Potter

[beetlescrub]

hey veriades here seething and raging about stat from q force actually. every letter of the acronym in that show gets flattened and sold to one specific person the writers met in california, all the lesbians in the show love barbeque, bees and sports for example. its a happy, comfortable stereotype. designed to make a specific lesbian relate, remind them of the community they have. when i saw stat was a transgender woman who was an introverted computer hacker geek who chugs energy drinks, expresses a fed-up attitude with society and feels distanced from the queer community, my initial reaction was "ok the show thats selling itself as relatable to queers is making me relate ill bite, what does this show have to say about people like me" and the answer isnt nothing, but it is silence. all the lesbians in the show may be reduced to one person, but at least lesbianism exists in q-force. deb has a wife and kisses her wife. even stat has a girlfriend an artificial computer replica of a woman named Jaqueline. the show might not have the guts to say it but Jaqueline is her own transgender stereotype, that stretch alone gives us two trans characters. yeah, every gay man might love sex in the city homogenously in this universe but at least steve has boyfriends and twink has hookups. stat is never given more than her surface level stereotype, her transfemininity is never highlighted or made visible by the show.

does anyone else see the tradgedy of stat? is the fact that stat is the only transgender woman in the whole friend group part of her stereotype? is loneliness and anger what she gets instead of barbeques and bees? we get a whole episode that gives an empathetic explanation as to why a heterosexual homophobic Ricky acts terse and rude and emotionally blocked off, but not stat. "oh twink made a freakum dress, just like the gay men i know!" "oh stats emotional turmoil and misanthropy is never examined or taken seriously by her cis friends, just like the trans women i know!" they didnt say nothing, but they were completely silent.

her girlfriend commits suicide.

its what she gets instead of a barbeque with her wife and friends. the contrast between cis lesbianism and trans lesbianism made so stark, and i KNOW its not intentional because apparently this show is meant to make us laugh. i wanna cry.

[thedarkcoven]

MIGUEL O'HARA THOT 2

MINORS GET THE FUCK OUT!!! Sorry not sorry! Based on some of the lyrics of a classic slutty song lol. Smut. A tease? You want more? Just lemme know if you want me to continue! Miguel is a family friend. Reader in 20s Miguel 30s/40s. Reader is 5'something and Miguel is 6'9" (apparently) , Modern day and Miguel is still SpiderMan -also inspired by Closer by NIN, cover by Asking Alexandria. If you dont like screamo/heavy metal dont click the link because there is some in the song [not gonna be the last time I use this song for writing *looks at A Trip Through the Multiverse*]

You were staying at your parents' place for a while until you were able to get back on your feet after university. Even though you told them no over and over and that it was okay because you didn't want to feel like a burden they insisted and helped you move things into your old room of your family home.

A scoff left your mouth as your parents told you that they would be throwing a barbeque and everyone they knew was invited. Yay. You hated large crowds especially ones that asked way too many questions about your personal life.

Once you slowly made your way downstairs to the commotion you noticed someone towering over the crowd. He was tall, tan, black messy curls, and he looked like a fucking absolute giant. When he turned his head slightly to say something to your mother your jaw dropped. "Miguel?!" Miguel turned and a smile spread on his face as his red eyes landed on yours. "Y/N! Hey! It's been so long! I haven't seen you since well... God you were so small! How have you been?" He asked picking you up as if you were nothing, his strong arms wrapping around you. His musky scent filled your nostrils and made your mind go crazy as you swore you could feel something hard pressing against you when he squeezed you close and then he whispered into your ear, making you shiver. "Can I speak with you... alone? Give me about twenty minutes. Go to your room and wait." You couldnt speak when he put you down. All you could do was stand there.

When you turned to go to your room your parents had asked if you were feeling okay and your response was yes just wanted to wait until everyone gathered outside due to your anxiety. The sound of your door clicking closed behind you made you turn from your window, your body shaking slightly as you sat on your plush. "My how much you've changed." When he spoke you could swear you saw sharp canines, his red eyes darkening as he came closer, towering over you as he stood in front of you. His erection straining against his pants right in front of your face, twitching as he smirked down at you. You swallowed, a whine escaping your pathetic little mouth as he leaned forward, his face inches from yours. A growl vibrated in his chest as he stared at you with hooded eyes, a large hand coming up he gripped a fist full of your hair, pulling your head back slowly. He was pressing you against him slightly a sadistic smirk on his face as his tongue ran along one of his sharp fangs. "God I'm going to have so much fun breaking you. Want me to break you?" He chuckled, already knowing the answer. "Yes." You breathed out. "Oh I know. I can smell just how fucking turned on you are for me. The sight of my cock twitching in my pants driving you fuckin wild, huh?" He stood straight, his fist still holding your hair as he brought your face against the course material of his jeans, rutting his erection against the soft plush of your cheek, precum soaking through slightly as he threw his head back with a groan. "Miggy." You whined, your throat becoming throat yet you salivated at the thought of his thick veiny cock buried deep down your throat. "Mmmm. Thats it baby. I love it when you say my name with that pathetic little whimper. So fucking desprate for me. Now beg." I LOVE YOU GUYS!! SORRY I HAD TO TEASE!!! @charmed-asylum @melodygatesauthor @moonknightly @pimosworld @abbessolute

[buggybuggs]

Everyone's favourite foods? :> (couldn't choose one, and after choosing multiple, didn't want others to feel excluded hshshshs)

YOU GOT IT

Ashe - She prefers traditional Monstrin foods, which are typically crunchy friedleafy greens paired with different toppings, luckily Okinomiyaki fits that definition well. She loves barbequed meats, like char siu, and a good lick on a lemon every now and then Aivoni - LOVER of seafood, anything on one of those grill setups too. She loves a good lobster roll or a nice seafood paella, but at home she'll happily enjoy a lazily made pasta dish Vae - ANNNYTHING sweet, but especially pastries. A good carrot cake, or a good cheesecake. she loves carnival type food like funnel cakes and cotton candy too. she also loves to eat raw veggies as a snack, go ahead and give her a basket of turnips and watch... Mastiff - BURRITOS. sure its not what she grew up with, but she LOVES a nice wrapped up giant burrito with EVERYTHING she can fit into it. she likes to put lots of rice in it though! otherwise she loves dumplings and pierogi! -after this point, my gf added her input Vess - smoothies of all types, she loves a good mango and anything thats nice and sweet, she doesnt eat much otherwise Merina - junk foods, anything she can eat lazing around that fills her up, cheap stuff like burgers and fries is her specialty. if you want to treat her? give her some good spicy wings... Okapi - [I need to develop her more, so sorry!!] Prongy - So in Nebraska they got these things called runzas! its bread wrapped around a mix of beef and cabbage with plenty of pepper and spices! she likes one with cheese, and pair it with a kool aid burst!! Cammy - cammy LOVES to grill. a good steak, make it rare, give her an interesting meat to cook with. he'll gnaw on a juicy burger as well, they dont care if a rare burger could give them food poisoning, LOL! Kroma - Cheap ramen, she doesnt do the broth, just noodles with the flavoring. She loves a cheap conveyor belt sushi place too... unless youre paying. then you'll hear her talk all about how much she loves Uni and Otoro. Imp - Anything fried and oily, she loves some takoyaki, calamari, and okinomiyaki (like Ashe, that's the only time they get along). You'll also find her begging for your fries. Sam - Make it cheap, make it fast, unless its a good pizza portuguesa, she'll happily wait for that! She'll help cammy along with grilling and make a really nice chimmichuri, but with food, she aint picky at all Trace - Food? nah, she has a monster energy and a meal replacement. she's more focused on her gaming than to care about having a meal. If you're serving her? it better not have any weird textures. or else she'll be sad!

Maltha and Ly's world is lacking a bit with food BUT Maltha likes salty and savory things, she has a weird relationship with meat as her cloned kin are used in the meat industry but.. she uh.. has a taste Ly has never really had real food other than beet-like vegetables that they fed their livestock, but if offered the taste of a nice meaty thing? they might like it!! (too much maybe!? oh no! they're going after people!!!!)

Truck loves pasta... cheap chain restaurant food that offers all sorts of deals. Or a good deviled egg! Unnamed Magnezone likes food too! but scans it. It likes anything that has a lot of heterogeneity, so anything that has many different things on it to make it happy

Bugg will eat anything thats cheap and tasty. want to treat them though? give it some stroganoff, or maybe some fried scallops, or a nice salad with all sorts of olives on it :3

[fictionalmenmistress]

You guys please let me know what you think about this? Unfortunately I'm in a situation where I do not have the finances to not leave my abusive family. Aside from them being abusive, they are normal in some small ways. But there's some stuff that I just feel is kinda unnecessary, but maybe I'm just being ridiculous?

Anyway, I take care of all of my stuff. I cook my own food, I clean up after myself, I wash my dishes, I do my laundry, wash and dry and put away, I keep all of my things out of the rest of the house. I even put away everyone's dishes, because that's required and demanded of me, because "I'm part of the house". Fine I guess, it's a chore because I'm still living with my parents. I do all of my own laundry, I take care of all of my own stuff and take care of things after myself. I don't leave stuff of mine for my mom to do, or anything like that. It's just common courtesy and respectful as a housemate in general, you should in all situations take care of yourself and clean up after yourself and maintain your own items and uses.

But here's where it starts feeling a little unfair. My family goes on trips, makes a bunch of dishes, and leaves. They don't allow me to go with them. Because "how would you pay for your own food? That's what I thought. Stay at home. Theres no room for you anyway." And they take my brother's girlfriend with them. So like... alright. At least I get to finally be alone for a few days. But it still hurts a little bit. They decide to have a huge family barbeque, one I don't be around for, and stay in my room silently hoping no one will seek me out or realize I'm here (again, abusive people in a lot of ways, so I'm trying to get out of this family.)

My brother of course, has no chores. Because he "works". Aka, works for my dad. But, all the girls are given the chores. My sister is in highschool, and I'm trying to find work, and also just found work too, and started yesterday (this situation happened yesterday and today just now). But they have a party, make a bunch of dirty dishes, and leave on a trip I am not invited to. And I'm told to do all their dishes AND clean their kitchen (the mess they left with trash and crumbs and plates) before they get back. Gee, thanks. So... whatever, ok, I do them. I put a bunch of dishes away, and then I reload and stuff as much as I can fit in the dishwasher, to rewash after hand washing. I dread it. There is still dishes leftover, but I cleaned the kitchen like I was demanded. I cleaned up the mess they all left behind on the countertops. So they get back, my mom is like, great!! Now load some more. Because I could fit more silverware in. So I do. I thought that was the end of my "turn". But then my mom demanded that I put all those dishes away again, now, and then reload. Because "I didn't do what she asked of me." Mind you, I would personally rather do any other chores. I just can't with the dishes. Part of it is sensory trouble, it's torturous. I used to sob while I was forced to do the whole family's dishes every night in highschool, because that one thing is just something thats really hard for me to do. The textures, the smells, the noises, how it all hits my brain... I can do it, and I do it of course to clean up after myself, and as a necessity, but when I have a partner, I am very much hoping and searching for someone who enjoys or has dishes as their first pick of a necessity chore, and I can do ANYTHING ELSE. I have expressed this to my mom. Hundreds of times. She doesn't care. She says "THAT is my chore". And if she finally says "FINE!! You wanna do all the laundry??" And I say, yes please, anything else... then she never ends up making the switch in expectation. Notice how these are all "trad wife" or GIRL associated chores. There's misogynistic demands in the family, if that's not clear, and that's cultivated by my mom's expectations, and strengthened by my dad and brother's incompetence or willingness to help. Because "as women", the men work soooo hard, and they provide for us, and THE women are told to serve them. Big yikes. Like we also aren't working hard in the same, if not moreso, required tasks to labor and live everyday. Anyway, all this commentary to say:

I just feel that it would have been considerate if they all took care of their own huge mess of dishes, and LEFT with a tidy space, for me to keep tidy and clean up after myself in. With the expectation of me cleaning up after myself and maintaining cleanliness while it's only me here. Leave me with the responsibility of only worrying about my mess, when I am alone and living alone for a moment, not theirs.

I expressed this to my mom. Of course she lashed out at me and yelled that she doesn't care, and she's "making me do it" because "I didn't do it, so now I get to do that too." They left to go run some errands all together, I stayed home. But she says "YOU BETTER HAVE THAT DONE AND DO IT BY THE TIME I GET BACK." Like...

Idk, just like, any commentary or thoughts, guys? Is this unreasonable for me to feel that it rubs me a little wrong in that way? Or anything wrong about her responses? Also when I say they are abusive, I am NOT saying doing chores or doing the dishes is abusive. I'm saying how they are the rest of the times. This specific thing is just what I'm asking for thoughts on, because it bothers me a little.

[luetta]

i'm going back to what 16 year old me used to do in full swing i think. type to myself on dead forums. wanna know a story about me? i used to post on that nazi reddit alternative website voat. for years. not anything political, i just made a subreddit that was my username and made posts everyday about how obsessed i was about a girl called rebekah in the grade above me. i never talked to her a single time in my life. she was just pretty. hundreds of posts. eventually randoms on the website found my posts through the new section and started commenting how creepy i was. and then i guess i referred to myself as a waitress and they started thinking i was a girl who had a lesbian crush. of course i did nothing to disavow that notion. and then when i was with my friend finlay in class, i was on a school provided laptop, seeing what the suggested autocomplete web searches for a, b, c, etc were. and when i looked up 'v' it came up with 'voat [my username]. i guess on this laptop sometime before i had searched it up. i begged him not to look it up and deleted it all the moment i got home but he just went on internet archive and essentially held this blackmail over my head for about 3 months. at the end of high school finlay wasnt popualr in our group (there was always someone who was the cyberbullied person of the day in our group.) and i honestly did a fucking asshole thing. i always say that i was nice and just a victim of this mean group but i did this thing, which completely undoes all that. there was a barbeque for the entire grade on a saturday, school organised but essentually our own thing. in the discord finlay was wondering whether to come, lots of us were there already. i said that there was barely anyone here lol. and that was a complete lie. i lied and made him miss this event for no reason other than to dogpile on him. that night everyone was fighting and i chimed in and he told everyone about my voat account and also about how we had accidentally discovered each other in a league of legends erotic roleplay discord server. so yeah that was fun. i refused to talk to him for like 2 years lol. anyways. the point of this is to say. that im gonna start doing that again i think. post a bunch of stream of consciousness text posts of angst and self loathing and envy and hatred. cus i feel like shit and that's my self harm. im too much of a pussy to do anything else when i feel like shit. i just sit on the computer and make myself feel worse. this can be my self therapy. getting my thoughts out instead of letting them fester inside my brain forever. i can't be fucked going to therapy properly. it doesnt help cus idk how to articulate anything properly. ill get asked whats wrong and ill be like. i dont know. and honestly thats barely a lie. i dont fucking know whats wrong with me. i know that there is something wrong with me, but i dont know the reason why ive turned out like this. im just a fucking weirdo i think. i literally thought that i wasnt a creep anymore after transitioning, that i figured it out. but nope. im still a fucking creep, thinking about girls that i know, obsessing about them. urgh. i feel like. i've fucked my transition up. i fucked up the choices that i didn't know were choices and now im someone i don't want to be. i just want to be someone else but thats not possible because the person that i am, currently, isn't someone that can be someone else. i know that you can just change who you are ! you can do new things and stop doing old things. you can be someone else. but i just cant. i try but i just always circle back to this. uninteresting blob of a person. who does nothing except sit in their room and wish they were someone else. an uninteresting blob of envy. that's all i am and will ever be, i feel. and that sucks. i dont want to be that, but there's nothing else i can do about that. im too uninteresting and unadventurous and afraid to reach out and form connections to people that i wanna. cus thats how you change as a person. by being with other people. you slowly give each other parts of yourself

[crustydavestrider]

tl;dr i want video essays to watch in my ask box / messages tldr existing on tumblr because this is a long ass post and i know you guys have varying attention spans

been dead for a minute my bad yall ive been bored and in and outta socializing but im back for a little while and i am addressing You today at this fine 7:20 morning in the am

im bored. i need video essays to consume. ive been watching SHOCKINGLY little video media as of late and honestly have only been listening to music and running my yapper elsewhere than tumblr. so you, dear reader of this post, if you consume visual media (shows and movies and shit are fine too but are less prioritized at the moment) and specifically like video essays, id like You to send me stuff in my ask box (or messages if you prefer i dont really care whatever floats your rocks bro) for me to watch

not really any rules. i dont care what it is. send me your blorbos. send me your speci - break from typing for a second just to say that the dogs have come in here to bother me and i fed them this fuckass meat that i have sitting on my bed because its cooked well done and it sucks ass even WITH barbeque sauce and theyre going crazy thought you might like to know. back to regularly scheduled post - al interests. send me your hyperfixations

only specific things i have to say are that i like horror and animals and documentaries and true crime (not tcc, a lotta yall weirdos) and i dont usually get to finish a video thats over 2.5 hours long unless im INVESTED in it. so like general guidelines i guess? if you wanna call em that. i also will watch series (what the fuck is the plural of series) (oh its the same thing. neat) essays depending on the topic

send them and say if you want me to rate them or not (if you dont specify ill just leave it under a cut or something dont be scared of sending me shit cause you dont want a dogwater rating pls i need content so bad) and ill give you some crazy shit probably. go ham go crazy go stupid go wild go nuts go other stuff that is synonymous with those things

i also just got done watching one about if light mode or dark mode is better before writing this post so if youre wondering what sparked this its that

[i-am-the-doctor]

Red Tides a' Rollin CHAPTER 2 //TW: Graverobbing, violence, animal attacks, mention of suicide, funeral

CHAPTER 2

“Friends and Family, We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Olivia Moira Johanneson, who was born on September 30th, 2023, and tragically passed away on January 1st, 2042, in the Woodfork Spiker Massacre. May we forever remember her smile and her willingness to help others, May we lift her name up to the heavens, and may we keep her memory in our hearts, lest she be forgotten. Let us pray..”

As Fredrick and the rest of the congregation of friends and survivors and family bowed their heads, he pondered his plan that he and Jonathan agreed upon that very night. When he first entered the funeral home’s gates, he surveyed his surroundings, as it would be imperative to remember where everything was for tonight. The only noise in the solemn graveyard now was the director reciting a prayer for Olivia’s soul, but such prayers aren’t needed, Fredrick thought to himself. After all, she will be back, better than ever, practically immortal to do whatever she pleased, to live the adulthood that was stolen from her at 18, to have a spouse or kids if she wanted. They rose their heads afterwards, clean-bandaged survivors and friends came up to read their eulogies and kind words about their friend, and after that, a final prayer was said for her, and her casket was lowered into a shallow grave and covered with gravel.

After the funeral had ended, the two men briskly walked back to Fredrick’s truck, a maroon 1998 Chevy Blazer, and as Fredrick approached the driver’s door, he felt a wave of drowsiness overcome him from his lack of sleep. He attempted to shake himself awake, but it was futile. Jonathan then tapped him on his shoulder, jolting him awake.

“Fredrick, are you alright? Maybe you should let me drive!” “No no, Jonathan, I’m perfectly fi-” Fredrick mumbled before getting cut off by jonathan, whose eyes were wide with worry. “I Insist! You look like you’re about to fall over!”

“...Agh, Fine. Heres the keys.” He muttered, handing him the keys to the truck before walking over to the passenger’s side and opening the door to hop in, to which Jonathan followed suit. 

“So, now we go to my place to get that ice-chest and the shovels?” Jonathan asked, making sure he was correct, to which Fredrick nodded, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Yeah, thats right. You still have that ice-chest in your garage, huh?”

“I should, Last time we ever used it was when we had that barbeque back in July…” Jonathan replied as he started the engine to the truck and began backing out of the parking lot and onto the road. No more words were said, as Fredrick leaned onto the door, looking out the window and into the vastly varying scenery, between graffiti-abundant ghost towns, abandoned farmlands void of animals and crops, and woods and swamps abuzz with rabbits hopping along ditches, and foxes leaping across logs. As he gazed upon the everchanging environment moving by, he allowed himself to close his eyes and relax as his breathing slowed. After all, he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, maybe a little nap would help him…

…

When we finally awoke from his dreamless sleep, he found himself in the dark interior of his truck, parked in front of a house , with dark blue and white paint, flowerbeds on either side of the door, and a statue of the Virgin Mary in the front yard. He then sat up in his seat, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked out the window once again to find that it was nighttime now. Where was Jonathan, he asked himself, but it was quickly answered by Jonathan opening the driver’s door, visibly sweating, and out of breath.

“H-Hey, Fredrick! You’ve been out for quite awhile! I finally found my shovels and ice-chest! I… Oh god.. I thought i would never find it- I need to clean my garage out!” he huffed, leaning on top of the seat.

“Well why didn’t you wake me up? I would’ve helped you!” 

“You hadn’t slept a wink since last night! You would’ve probably passed out while standing and fall into some of the bullcrap I have stashed in there and lose an eye!” 

“Yeah, thats probably true!” He chuckled, stretching his back. “So, wheres the chest and shovels now?” “I went ahead and put them in the trunk while you were asleep!” “Well good! Now, we just need to pick up some ice from the gas station and head on back to the gas station! ….What was that gas station called again?”

“Elbertsons.” Jonathan pipped as he hopped back into the truck and started the engine once again, setting back out on the roads. “Hopefully they’re still open!” “I hope so too! Ugh, I hate time changes..”

“Me too..”

After 10 minutes of driving along, they finally arrived at the Elbertson’s Gas station, a homely little mom-and-pop buisness in the middle of an old community, with old-fashion gas pumps, and a big “ICE-2-GO” Ice machine to the front-left of the lot. Jonathan parked the truck in front of the building, and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Alright, I’ll be back, i’m going to go ask if they have change for a dollar. Need anything?” “No, not at the moment.”

Jonathan nodded, and hopped out, and made his way towards the establishment. When he made it, he attempted to open the door, but it only rattled, as the door was locked. He then checked his wallet to see if he had any change, and he felt his chest tighten when he realized that he had no change, and had to ask Fredrick. What kind of moron doesn’t have change nowdays, he panicked to himself. ‘Now I’ll look like an idiot in front of my best friend!’. He then trudged back to the truck, red in the face, and opened the door once again.

“Hey.. Fredrick? They’re closed, and i just checked, and i…. Uh..” “Don’t have any change?” Fredrick asked, confused on why he was so visibly embarassed about something as trivial as a lack of change.

“....Yeah.” “Hey, it happens. I got some here in the center console.” He chuckled as he opened up the center console and gave him four shiny quarters and an oxidised penny. “Here. let me know if you need more.” “Thank you Fredrick. I’ll be back!” He said with a slight grin as he closed the door once again, grabbing the ice chest and swiftly sprinting to the ice machine, which was lit with a singular streetlamp hanging above jonathan’s head. He then put the coins into the slot, and within minutes, the ice poured into the ice chest, filling it up halfway. He then picked it up, the weight of it almost popping Jonathan’s shoulders out of place, but instead of crying out in pain like he oh so wanted to, he sucked it up, and slowly made his way back to the truck. Afterwards, he popped the trunk open, and pushed it in, huffing and puffing, clutching his chest to feel his heartbeat. He opened the door to the truck once more, his face as red as a can of strawberry soda.

“I… I got the ice!” he wheezed.

“Jonathan, Are you alright?!” “I… I’m okay, i think! I… I think you should probably drive now, I can barely move my arms, I-I’m sorry, Fredrick!”

“Hey, don’t apoligize, you’re doing a lot- take a rest!” Fredrick said as he hopped out of the passenger’s seat, allowing Jonathan to take his place as he jumped into the driver’s seat, starting the truck once again, and finally driving back to the graveyard, passing by the same landmarks that he fell asleep watching.

…

When they finally reached the graveyard, Fredrick found that the area was silent. Eerily silent, with the only light being the full moon above and the headlights from Fredrick’s truck-- which were quickly turned off after they had parked as to not bring attention to themselves.

“Are you ready, Jonathan?” Fredrick asked, getting out of the truck to fetch the Ice-chest and shovels.

“Yeah, i am. but.. What what if people notice the gravel got moved around or something? I don’t think graverobbing carries a light sentence, Fredrick!” “Relax, Jonathan. I don’t think they’ll notice- theres hundreds of graves here! And besides, sometimes spikers dig up the gravel sometimes and eat people- thats why Chris Morales had to be creamated! they’ll just think that a spiker tried to get in… Don’t worry, no one will notice a thing..”

Jonathan nodded, wanting to believe what Fredrick was saying.

“Here, you take the shovels, they’re lighter.”, Fredrick said as he handed Jonathan the shovels while he lugged the Ice-chest out of the trunk. They then slowly entered through the gates of the graveyard, silent and cold as death itself, in fact, it felt like the spdead were scowling at them as they made the walk, judging them from beyond the grave. Fredrick however, shook off the feeling. He was already so close, and he wasn’t about to let the feeling of paranoia overtake him. After a minute or so of passing the quiet mausoleums and shallow graves from years and decades before, they finally made it to Olivia’s gravesite once again. Jonathan looked up at Fredrick as he handed him a shovel, and finally, he asked in a hushed voice:

“Fredrick, I know I have asked this countless times, and forgive me, but are you sure you want to do this? After we start digging, theres no going back.”

Fredrick Nodded.

“Of course. We’re already so close.. But when we get her, we’re not going to immediately start working on her… No, we need a subject, maybe two, because if I mess something up and i can’t get her back, I won’t forgive myself.” He explained. They then prepared their shovels to dig.

“On a count of three… one… two.. Three.” They then began digging, with Fredrick doing most of the heavy lifting while Jonathan routinely checked to see if there were any strangers or spikers about. 15 minutes would go by, and when all was said and done, the grave would be uncovered, revealing a polished wood casket with Olivia’s initials engraved into the upper lid. Fredrick held his breath, preparing himself for what he was about to see, while Jonathan looked away. Fredrick noticed.

“Jonathan, are you alright?”

“I-Its just that… well, she’s your daughter, and uh.. I thought you might like some privacy.” he mumbled nervously. Fredrick shook his head. “Jonathan, You were like an uncle to her, this is your moment too!” he whispered, briskly looking around to make sure no one overheard them. Jonathan said not a word, but nodded, taking a glance at the casket. This would mark the very moment that Fredrick’s project would start. A project that would test his hypothesis of whether the dead can be brought back.

“Jonathan… I’m going to open up the casket.. And when I open up the casket, we’re going to gently pick her up and put her in the ice-chest, and rebury the casket, understand?” Fredrick instructed as he crouched to grab a hold of the heavy lid.

“Got it.” “Good.. now on a count of three… One.. Two..”

And on the count of three, he opened the lid, closing his eyes tightly. After a minute or so, he finally opened his eyes once more, and within the casket was none other than Olivia, cold and lifeless, yet she looked like she was sleeping, with her arms draped over her stomach, cane in both hands, still wearing her new-years outfit , except for her blouse, which was replaced with a black blouse. As Fredrick looked on, he found every emotion one could experience rushing towards him like a freight truck. Rage, sorrow, guilt, disgust with what he was doing filled his thoughts as he clenched his jaw together. He wanted to scream, He wanted to cry. He wanted to dig his own grave beside her and plunge his shovel through his heart and never feel anything ever again, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Not to Olivia, and not to Jonathan. He looked up at Jonathan, and even though shadows were cast over his eyes and glasses as he stood above the crouched Fredrick, you could tell that he too was processing the sorrowful sight. Fredrick then picked Olivia up gently, as if he were handling a delicate flower with white gloves, cradling her in his arms.

“....I’ve got her, Jonathan…” He whispered through tear-choked vocal chords. Jonathan nodded, not saying anything, and opened the lid to the frigid ice-chest, where Olivia would rest until they got to the lab in Baton Rouge. Afterwards, they closed the lid to the casket, and reburied it, making sure not to leave a single piece of gravel out of place. Now, all they have to do is put the ice-chest in the back seat, and make way to Baton Rouge. 

“Alright, next stop, Baton Rouge.” Fredrick grunted as he picked up the ice-chest, using his chest and stomach to carry it as Jonathan carried the shovels back to Fredrick’s truck. Afterwards, they popped the trunk and set the shovels and the chest containing Olivia in the back seat, and they both got back in the truck, started the engine, and headed on the road towards Baton Rouge. 30 minutes would pass where they did not say a word to each other, and instead gave each other quick glances, and listened to the radio. It was only after a commercial for Aximin, a meal-replacement pill turned highly addictive drug, came on the radio, that Jonathan spoke up.

“Hey, Frank Kemper was the guy that made Aximin, right? Whatever happened to him?” “Well, they say that he was getting reports that when you bit into the pill, it released a sort of smoke or steam that made you… well, h1gh, and he didn’t believe it until he tried it for himself, and got addicted. According to some people who knew him, he went insane and ran into the woods!” Fredrick huffed, keeping his eyes on the road to make sure no spikers or robbers would grab them. “Its a dang shame, too! He was a good guy, we worked with him! “Oh yeah, thats right! He wasn’t really all that involved in Prometheus though, was he?” “No, not really. He knew more about medicine and brains than cybernetics anyway.” Fredrick shrugged. A couple of minutes later, Fredrick saw a sign riddled with bull3t holes that read:

Baton Rouge      2

“Hey, We’re almost there!” Fredrick beamed as he looked over at Jonathan, to which he also smiled.

“Good! I hope the power is still on there!” “It should, it’s powered by Korsa! No power bills here, Gomez made sure of that!”

Two miles later, they arrived in what was once Baton Rouge. Icicles hanged from abandoned houses and buildings, rubble scattered every which way, the city was barely recognizable. Now all it was was a place for rebellious teenagers to group up and chew Aximin, raiders to rob people or for wild animals to hunt for prey.

“Are you sure the Lab is still here?” Jonathan whispered as he looked around the place, to which Fredrick nodded.

“Yes, of course it is! It has to be! See? There it is!” he announced as he pointed to a grey building with a flat roof, high windows, and scuffed paint, most likely from rocks hitting it or shrapnel. Jonathan raised his eyebrows, surprised that the building was even standing after all these years.

“Wow, you were right! I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Fredrick!”

As they pulled into the parking lot and got out, Fredrick scanned the locked building, noticing a broken window that was just out of his reach, and even if he could get up to that window, he wouldn’t be able to fit, as the window was a bit too small around for man to squeeze through.

“....Hey Jonathan!” “Hm?”

“You think I could give you a boost and you could go through that window and unlock the door?” “Hell, Probably! Looks big enough!” Jonathan pipped as he walked towards Fredrick and the window. Fredrick then found a stick to break the rest of the glass so that Jonathan would not get cut, and afterwards, Fredrick boosted Jonathan up to the window, to which Jonathan successfully crawled through, entering the same building he used to work at all those years ago.

“Do you see anything, Jonathan?” Fredrick called out through the other side of the window.

“Thats the thing- I can’t see a thing!” Jonathan yelled back, choking down a cough as he looked around for the power closet.

“It should be somewhere near the door, I think! Glass Doors, can’t miss ‘em!”

Jonathan then made his way into the lobby where sure enough, the glass doors were, and next to the doors-- or more accurately, adjacent to the doors, was the electrical closet.

“Which ones do i flip?”

“You flip all of them!” Jonathan then flipped all 10 of the switches, and within seconds, the flourescent lights lit up, revealing white tables, shelves with solutions of every kind, and dark malachite tiled floors, riddled with dust. 

“Got it!” As soon as Jonathan got the words out of his mouth, he heard a low gutteral growl from farther into the facility that echoed off of the walls..

“...Hello?” Jonathan called out, which would soon prove to be a mistake, for as soon as he finished his sentence, two spikers lunged out of the darkness towards Jonathan, sending him running back toward the window he came out of.

“SPIKERS! SPIKERS! FREDRICK, THERES TWO SPIKERS IN HERE!” 

Fredrick froze when he heard Jonathan’s scream the name of those monsters. No, No! This can’t be happening again, He thought to himself frantically. He tried his best to jump through the window to help him, but it was no use. It was then that Fredrick remembered that he had his favorite p1st0l with him in case of raiders or spikers, and he immediately drew it out of his holster, trying his best to aim it through the window, sending a few sh0ts towards the spikers that unfortunately missed. Realizing that his position would only result in him wasting amm0, he threw the p1stol to Jonathan, who caught it mid-air.

“SH00T, JON, SH00T! AIM FOR THE EYES!” He yelled, his voice momentarily distracting the spikers as Jonathan aimed into their cold unforgiving white eyes…

POP! POP-POP! POP-POP POP!

The spikers let out a horrid wretching scream as they collapsed to the floor, twitching as their last nerves die out. Finally, the two spikers that would’ve likely made Jonathan their meal were dead.

“I… I Got them, Fredrick! Thank you!” “Don’t mention it- Now, are you gonna open the doors?” Fredrick laughed nervously as he scanned the rubble to make sure no other spikers were lurking about.

“Of course! Let me go open the doors right quick!” Jonathan huffed as he ran back into the lobby to open the doors, finally letting Fredrick in.

“Wow… this place has been virtually untouched! I’m surprised that no-one has broken in besides those spikers!” Fredrick exclaimed as he noticed all of the dust and cobwebs on the shelfs and in the corners. 

“Yeah, I’m amazed that this building is even standing after the cluster-bombings and for how long its been here unmaintained!”

Now that the two men were safe and sound, Fredrick brought the ice-chest containing Olivia inside, and gently placed her into a cryogenic pod for safe-keeping and preservation.

“Alright, now that she’s safe, we should clean this place up! If we’re going to be doing any science in this place, the last thing we want is dust and spiders getting in our work!” Fredrick declared as he picked up a broom from the closet and began to sweep the dust and dirt off of the floor. Jonathan agreed, and picked up a cloth to dust the rest of the things, like the beakers, the machinery, the tables, and any other things that need cleaning. 2 hours later, the lab was finally clean and presentable, and a wooden board was put over the broken window so that neither cold nor spikers would get in.

“Ha…. now this is a lot like how I remember it..” Fredrick sighed as he set down on one of the roller chairs next to the testing tables.

“Yeah, We did Project Prometheus in this very lab, didn’t we?” “Haha! We sure did! We were a lot younger, and I was a lot skinnier!”

“Fredrick, thats because you barely ate anything during the entirety of the project! You look a lot better now then you did back in the 2020’s!” Jonathan chuckled nervously as he brought out two cots out of the back room that were to be used in the event the lab became a fallout shelter.

“I forgot we even had those cots back there!” Fredrick exclaimed with a smile, to which Jonathan smiled back.

“Well, I didn’t think we’d wanna sleep out in the cold truck, huh? I even found some blankets and pillows.” “Well good deal! Here, i’ll get the other one!” Fredrick offered as he took one of the cots out of Jonathan’s arms and began unfolding it, snapping the bars that held it open in place. They then unfolded the blankets and put them over the cots, finishing the job by putting the pillows in place.

“Its not much, but its better then sleeping on the damn floor, eh Fredrick?” Jonathan laughed. Fredrick chuckled and nodded, stretching his back until it made a quiet pop.

“It sure is, Jon! It sure is. Y’know, it kinda reminds me of the sleepovers we used to have as kids!” Fredrick reminisced as he undid his necktie and unbuttoned his dress-shirt and took off his belt and shoes to get ready to go to sleep, leaving nothing but his tank-top undershirt, pants, and black socks. 

“Oh, I remember those days! I remember we would hang out in your room playing video games, watching cartoons, and eating cheese balls and drinking root beer!” Jonathan said with a smile as he also took off his shoes and belt, trading in his periwinkle turtleneck for a baggy black t-shirt that he found while searching for the cots. Afterwards, Jonathan turned off the overhead lights, leaving one table lamp on so that he could see, and the two scientists entered their cots.

“....Hey, Jonathan?” Fredrick whispered to Jonathan as he stretched out on the cot, letting his forearms dangle on each side while his tired pine eyes looked over to him.

“Yeah, Fredrick?”

“...Thank you for helping me with this project so far. You’re probably one of the only people I can trust right now, and you being here to help me is just.. It helps more than you know.” He whispered, his voice nearly being choked over by tears. 

“Hey, thats what best friends do. I want you to be happy again, and if it means that we go back to doing science in this old lab, then I’m gonna be with you each step of the way.” Jonathan whispered back with a warm smile. Fredrick smiled, and looked up at the ceiling as Jonathan pulled the covers over himself.

“.....Goodnight, Fredrick.”

“Goodnight, Jonathan.”

[alonsolobotomy]

lol rant abt this coming weekend

hey guys so today i was not only notified that this weekend is fathers day (which i mean,.my family has been plotting it for like a few days, whatever great) but do you know WHERE that fathers day celebration is happening? do you know where at least three or more groups of people related to me are gonna show up this weekend? (i mean there's one specific group i don't want in my house, i think the othr two might be okay.)

MY FUCKING HOUSE. (okay well. i still live w/ my parents cos i'm still a minor, i don't own the house i just live there,just to clear that up)

okay my house is only like. 1500 square feet. literally the whole thing is built around like. one hallway. i can see the kitchen from the back of the house. why the fresh flying fucking fuck would they pick my house for this. my grandparents live in a massive log cabin. is there a bomb in there or something that makes it impossible to have a barbeque in there suddenly. (events like this usually happen there) anyway maybe i'm just being a petty fussy mess cos i just woke up but still it sucks ass that i have to deal with that + my parents wanting everyone around the house(me n my brother) to help clean the whole week. ugh. just ugh. thats the mood today droogies. hope you guys' week/day is going better. 🫡