#that's who swamp-ass is

[hanzajesthanza]

god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read

[xxplastic-cubexx]

still thinking of my fave marvel rivals interaction where my jeff and i were hanging on the point after knocking out the other team and lil bro sprays the space in front of me and emotes and we both said thank you at the same time like i fear im never forgetting that ever

[skrunksthatwunk]

just finished s2 of kaiji and it was good i really liked it but i hope i never see that fuckass pachinko machine again!!!

[camijhk]

sighhh on Tumblr again...... instead of doing homework

[johnslittlespoon]

Could you write a Crubbles fic that’s sweet and spicy? ❤️

SWEET HUMAN i would love to but i'm gonna be sooo real, i have such a hard time getting myself to even write ideas i'm super fixated on, my adhd is not my friend when it comes to writing (until i wake up in the middle of the night with a hyperfocussed fire lit under my ass and i crank out a oneshot in one sitting. very rare unfortunately LOL)

i'm fine writing drabbles/brainrot about pairings other than my main buckbucky/curtbucky lads, but being fully honest i cannot see myself ever writing a full oneshot about any of the others because i simply struggle too much with writing in general and i know myself well enough to know i will not get any fic done about anything i'm not suuuuper deep into.

i will always be so envious of people who can just put out fic after fic!! i wish i had the brain for it but focus is my #1 enemy </3 so very sorry to disappoint but i do love those sweet boys dearly :^)

[wildflowercryptid]

tfw the detective hired to solve the murder on campus is kinda cute and funny, but his 5'6" ass needs a fucking step stool to be at eye level w/ you.

[thedimenotmensioned]

when you realize that everyone who tried to gaslight you into thinking there’s something wrong with you for being against rapey predatory creepy perverted rapist actually WAS INDEED WRONG and you were RIGHT all along.

I’ve stayed the night and dealt with men (multiple occasions) who didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, nor scared, who didn’t force themselves on top of me after being told no and pushed away at the very least 6 fuckin times, who didn’t think that because it’s “night time” that I should already know wassup and expect to be raped, or because we’re opposite sex and hanging out alone that this is what we must do and it’s expected and demanded, or because we’re lying down/sleeping in the same bed, or because I fuckin SAT NEXT TO THEM, or because they got my attention now it’s required and expected that I give them my pussy too, or bc we’re simply hanging out.

This is all the shit rapist ass niggas, chaos officers👮🏻 and pickmes told me when trying to convince me I’m the one in the wrong, I’m a liar and these males did absolutely nothing wrong because I should’ve knew thats what were they were trying to do to me and their intent and, I must’ve been around them simply because I wanted to be raped and now I must be upset because “they don’t want me”.

NOW LISTEN

I have cuddled naked with, slept in underwear, showered with, made out with, humped, humped damn near naked with, got my titties sucked, neck sucked, gave hand jobs, and slept in the same bed as niggas who I told “NO”, FROM THE JUMP that never EVER raped me, nor made me feel as if they were about to. And to this day have never had sex with me. Even when i would get anxious and id tell them we should STOP this because I don’t want you to get the wrong impression and try to stick it in or take my panties off next. And THEY WERE THE ONES WHO would tell me to chill, and that they’re chilling/relaxed and they���re aren’t going to do that, and that they aren’t going to try to stick it in, they aren’t going to fuck me because they know I said no. They never ever scared me, held me hostage, balled up their fist angrily asking why can’t they fuck, they didn’t jack me up by shirt demanding my pussy, they DIDNT mark me up and fight me for it, they didn’t wait until I was unconscious to restrain me and make sure I can’t scream. They didn’t wait until my guard was off when I wasn’t looking and slam me down. They didn’t do any of that. So I thought interactions like that with males were pretty normal tbh and that most men were like that because all the men I had been around at the time were like that. that’s all I knew at that time……..

Meanwhile a RAPEAPE whom I’m NOT even flirting with, not cuddling with, nor doing anything sexual or intimate with whatsoever, not courting, not dating, not even sitting close to (intentionally), not allowing them to grope me, nor kiss me, nor rub me, absolutely NOTHING feels entitled and comfortable enough to pin themselves onto me and make sure I can’t scream, or full fledged attack and slam me down. And think I’m NOT supposed to be angry and upset about the shit. Let alone to think I’m NOT supposed to say something or feel a ways about the shit. Especially as someone who never had sex before at the time. And they think that I should’ve expected it, wanted it and knew it was gonna happen because we’re the opposite sex and alone or because the time of day it was or because they got my attention/number at the moment.

and since then Ive met only rape ape after rape ape. another. Then another. Then another. and the cycle just continued on. And I had to learn the hard way many men (majority) are absolutely nothing like the very few ones i met and are used to. But apparently I should’ve magically knew that already and expected to raped by majority of males i meet simply because they’re males with a Y chromosome (as told from rapist and police in different words tho😄). I didn’t know that at the time, but baby I know now and i promise you I’ll never forget.

Stay ready to DrillaAyeP it’s most of them. And yes it is innate, involuntary, instinctive and their biology to attack and never take no as an answer. As told from a female officer who blamed me for what happen and told me I should’ve expected it. Well I will definitely expect it in the future. Ya know better, ya do better.

And shoutout to the handful (literally a handful🤲) of men on earth who knows what “No” means, have self control and don’t beat women up, or threaten and intimidate them for pussy. There’s not many of them on earth. But y’all are greatly appreciated by me. People are trying to convince me y’all don’t exist, but I know y’all do which is why I put myself in position to be raped to begin with because I thought most men were like that and that only 1% were rapist. I was wrong.

99% are rapist. And 1% are not. the police and rapist even agree with me. That’s why you don’t hang out with a man at night or alone. Even my rapist told me this and told me I should’ve protected myself better and he wouldn’t have did what he did. And he’s absolutely correct. He’s an innate rapist demonic alien beast who have no self control and who has no conscious nor awareness and is on rape autopilot.

[handbellanon]

Anyone know how to professionally say to the client “we messed up rather large part of your service request bc I mistakenly assumed my coworker was capable of doing a fundamental part of her job and thus didn’t catch that issue during the QC process”?

[theglizzardwizard]

Won't drop it in tag but I might fuck around and upload a picture of this stellar wall art

[ghouljams]

More thoughts about CEO!Price's horrible assistant that hates him.

Youre forced to admit that the man might actually be competent when you're forced to sit through two days of meetings. Taking minutes on your company issue laptop while the C suite goes through the brand refresh and the fiscal year. Team leaders keep showing up at pre-planned times to present on what their section of the company will be doing, and Mr. Price always has a good question or helpful remark to guide the conversation. It's actually astonishing to see the man do work that requires any amount of brain power considering you were under the impression he was using every brain cell to annoy you.

He doesn't even glance your way in the 36 hours of meetings, dinners, and happy hours that you helped the internal events team organize months ago. It's like the holidays came early. Except the gift is that you don't have to submit an HR complaint into the voice for a whole week. Not that you'd have any time to do that with how much you're running around.

The problem with being competent at your job, you suppose, is that you actually have to do your job.

You end up spacing out by the end of the last presentation, your fingers numbly tapping at your keyboard as your eyes lose focus. Your eyelids feel especially heavy this afternoon, and you can't stop the gentle dip of your head as you try to keep from nodding off. You were up until 3am last night prepping for the all hands meeting tomorrow morning. Not to mention the all-nighters you've been pulling just to make sure Mr. Price has talking points for today. (You should've passed this off to marketing but God they're just so swamped.)

You barely notice the heavy hand that settles too high on your thigh to be work place appropriate. Your body is so warm, your head burning from lack of sleep, your laptop screen wavers in your vission, and a neatly trimmed beard scratches your cheek as Mr. Price leans close.

"Why don't you go lay down in my office sweet'eart." He tells you, the low rhythmic cadence of his voice makes your eyes drop. His thumb sweeps a slow circle against the inside of your thigh, pushing at the hem of your skirt.

Your head nods for you. Mr. Price's free hand shuts your laptop, the motion slow and purposeful, plenty of time to object(and move your fingers). You should object, but your tongue feels stuck to the roof of your mouth. It's all you can do to raise your gaze off your closing screen to meet him. He squeezes your thigh and your eyes blink too heavily, your head starting to loll to the side.

"Go on, no help to anyone dead on your feet." He pushes, nodding his head towards the door.

"Sorry," you relent, standing to smile at the group of men who wouldn't know your name if it killed them. They barely seem to have noticed your presence. Mr. Price hums, his hand smoothing over your hip as you turn to go.

"Good girl," he purrs. You assume he must be holding himself back around an audience. The same way you assume you're imagining the squeeze to your ass that he gives you before you're out the door.

[freesomebodybyluna]

today has been so evil so far if you go to sbux today you're going to hell

[chaoticace2005]

Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:

1. No drugs.

2. No fights.

3. No pranks.

4. No problematic language.

5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)

6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.

7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.

8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patron’s room. (This includes eggs!!)

9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day

10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel

11. Don’t call Husk “Husker” unless he allows it.

12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.

13. Don’t suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.

14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLE’S HEADS

15. NO EATING PEOPLE

16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.

17. Don’t ask me to put my spear “inside you” Angel, what the fuck?

18. Don’t turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!

19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)

20. Don’t try and stab bugs if they’re within 10 feet of another demon.

21. Don’t call anyone a “bitch” OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE “VAGINA”

22. Limit Niffty’s access to sharp objects.

23. NO DEALS ALASTOR

24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.

25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyone’s benefit.

26. Don’t blow a hole in the wall.

27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to God…)

28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.

29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?

30. No building weapons/war machines.

31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)

32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)

33. Stop touching people ANGEL.

34. Don’t make other people storm off HUSK.

35. Respect boundaries.

36a. If Angel looks like he’s about to pass out/cry don’t comment. Let him do his thing.

36b. Don’t try to talk to Angel if he’s on the phone with Valentino. Honestly don’t even mention his phone calls with Valentino.

37. Please don’t call Lucifer “Daddy”

38. Don’t turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.

39. Don’t cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.

40. NO EXPLOSIONS!

41. Rule #2, “No fights” can be broken if the person you’re fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.

42. Don’t lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.

43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLE’S TITS (or lack of)

44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE’S HAVING MAKEUP SEX

45. Don’t give people makeovers while they’re sleeping, ANGEL!

46. Don’t pretend to eat someone’s pet, ALASTOR

47. Don’t die.

48. I never want to hear the words “cum-plete” again.

49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!

50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP

51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!

52. Stop breaking rules and then saying it’s “FOR SIR PENTIOUS!”

53. Angel don’t try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.

54. Don’t break spaghetti. Or “ruin” Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.

55. Don’t mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.

56. Don’t comment on Angel and Husk’s flirting.

57. Only call Angel “Anthony” if things are serious (or if you’re Husk)

58. Don’t use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: “Whiskers”, “Legs”, “Kitty”, “Webs”, “Tony”, “Love”, and “Baby.”

59. It’s better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.

60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you can’t make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.

61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.

62. Don’t attach knives to a roomba so you can have a “boyfriend” Niffty.

63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.

64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, it’s not that hard.

65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.

66. Therapy. Everyone.

67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!

68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.

69. “Hell is forever” is bullshit. You guys aren’t. You can do this.

[captain-oh-no-not-again]

so. coffee is tasty. but it also makes me fear for my life.

[mushroomates]

who i would let borrow my car in lord of the rings:

boromir- would likely take it to a car wash and fill up the tank for me afterwards. no questions asked and the keys are in his hand before he finishes his sentence.

gimli- would change my tires for me. a bit worried about him off roading but he’d take care of it. it’s extremely likely that he also took it through the car wash but not out of politeness but because he got it caked with dirt and mud while driving.

elrond- i’m willing to bet my life on this man being a reliable driver. he could get negative traffic tickets- as in, the cops pull him over just to tell him how good of a three point turn that was. this man is married to the turn signals.

sam- there might be dirt and dog hair left over for weeks but yeah i’d trust him. he probably just needs the trunk space for a dresser he found on the side of the road.

who in lord of the rings i do not trust with my car:

gollum- yeah obviously he’d drive it into the swamp in .2 seconds. this little fucker does not follow road laws or any laws. the second gollum takes my car i know its over.

gandalf- i do not know how one sends an automotive on a quest but im pretty sure my car is in moria rn and i’m never seeing it again

legolas- has the biggest passenger princess energy i’ve ever seen. would total my car immediately after going diagonal across the highway because he saw a cool tree

thranduil- like father like son. passenger princess who has not been behind the wheel for decades. would guilt trip me into giving him a ride before even asking to borrow my car. gets pulled over for having a whole ass wine bottle in the cupholder.

pippin- there would be peanut butter stuck in the console for months and i’d be finding loose snacks and trinkets in my seats years afterwards. also strikes me as the type to be obsessed with the radio to the point of reckless driving

[ki-starz]

soft!caitlyn. nsfw. tw; top!caitlyn, bottom!reader. roommates!au, college!au. reader and caitlyn both play some unidentified sport. sleepy sex. eating out. wc; 1.2k

Going back home right after training usually bought you an hour or two alone in the dorm before Caitlyn arrived from her extra lifting session (even after the absolutely monstrous number of sprints you had to do.) It's not as if you disliked her—you wouldn't be dating her if you did—but it's nice to shower or nap without having your girlfriend silently bully her way into your space, whether that be into your too-small bed or the miniscule bathroom or behind you, leaning too much weight into your wobbly desk chair, making it creak in protest along with you.

Maybe the dorm was just too small. But that doesn't distract from the fact that taking a shower and washing off sweat and grime without her tall ass blocking the stream of water is magnificent. It warms you to the bone, and after you dry, you're quick to grasp it again—bundling up into one of Caitlyn's hoodies, plucked from where it's draped over her desk chair, the fabric skimming your hips and bunching at your wrists. It's big, even on her, so it swamps you in a sea of fabric. Drowsiness starts to set in, as it always does after such a tough practice. Or maybe that's just because the hoodie smells like Caitlyn. It's girlfriend air, which is the only explanation as to why she makes you so comfortable you're dead to the world in minutes.

You're too tired to worry about things like modesty at this point. Tunnel vision has set in, and what's more paramount is getting to your bed in the quickest time, not whether or not you put any underwear on. Nothing she hasn't seen, anyways, on hot summer days at her family's lake house when it's too muggy to even think about clothing. And with her penchant for attempting to plaster every inch of herself against you at night... you got used to the close contact quickly. So you drop into bed in just her hoodie, sling a blanket over your waist and promptly pass out, as you do every day without fail, phone abandoned on the bedside table.

Usually you're awakened by the sound of the showerhead sputtering to life, or, occasionally a pissed Caitlyn opening the door with a particularly ungraceful shoulder-shove. Today none of those things bother you. What does rouse you, though, is the trail of pale, warm fingers up your thighs.

Your eyes flutter open, a groggy, shallow breath escaping your lips. Attempting to reconcile, your memory catches up—practice. Shower. Nap. Caitlyn.

Caitlyn. When your head tilts down you see her, now. You'd rolled onto your back sometime during your slumber (or you fell asleep like that, who knows at this point.) She's still partially dressed from training and lifting. She shed her sweatpants but kept her sweat-damp tank, and if you crane your neck you can catch a glimpse of the fabric that hugs her slim hips.

All those thoughts are knocked from your head when she rubs at your inner thigh, and your brain bluescreens when she shoots you a small, charming smile.

"I was waiting for you to wake up. I didn't want to disturb you." Her words are gentle and caring on the surface, but you can see the familiar gleam in her eyes. Her endorphins are still pumping and letting desire spread through her body like a creeping fog.

Her eyes flicker down, catching on the crease of your thigh, and her tongue slides out to wet her lips.

"...can I?" She turns that pretty gaze to yours, and, well, who are you to deny her? As she shifts forward, slotting a shoulder under one of your thighs and her hand over the top of it, you nod.

Her smile widens for just a moment, endearingly delighted, before she creeps closer. A warm breath drifts over your cunt, and she giggles when your hips wiggle in turn.

"Impatient." She scolds, but can't even chastise you properly—she's already peppering kisses down your lower stomach, nose bumping against the warm skin, and exhales in pleasure when she sees you, slightly glossy already. A thumb comes to part your folds, skimming up to nudge away the hood of your clit. She presses a kiss to it, and then another, before sealing her lips weakly around it.

You rock in gentle contentment, hips rolling slow and long against her face. Her hand, once curled over your thigh, skims up your stomach; she outstretches her fingers, then curls them briefly, asking for your hand.

"Sap," you tease, but oblige her anyway—interlocking your digits indulgently. Your other hand skims down, burying itself in her ponytail to free her of the tie's strangling vice. There's no way it doesn't hurt to keep her hair tied that tight, but you don't want to ponder that now. Not when her hair falls free, dropping in front of your eyes for your hand to scoop up and hold away, and she licks a broad stripe up the length of you. And another. She's slow but thorough, catching your weeping entrance and your reddening clit with every pass. You fall into the feeling, muscles going lax even as your hips tilt towards her gentle mouth.

She chuckles against you, and then taps the back of your hand—pulling away briefly to drag your focus back.

"You're not allowed to fall asleep. I've waited all day for this, darling." Your eyes flutter back open with a bratty little huff. A narrowing of them follows, and her gaze matches it. Although she usually takes the dominant role, expertly guiding you towards that peak and finding immense pleasure in it, she's still a brat at heart. Realizing this standstill will get you nowhere closer to cumming, you acquiesce with a little puff of breath, head tilting back but gaze holding steady.

"Yeah, yeah. I won't." You begin, sighing as she sucks your pliant skin between her teeth, scraping them weakly over your thigh. "Just... keep going. And then we can both nap."

With one last kiss to the new mark she continues, a bit messier now. Despite how she enjoys it, there's a fatigue to her movements, showing how her drowsiness mirrors your own. She laps, small, quick strokes, at your clit, intercut by languished sucks that slowly, but surely, drive you up and up, hips rising to meet her strokes.

"Yes, there, Cait. Mh.. yeah." Your gentle praise spurs her, movements continuing but picking up in speed ever-so-slightly. Her head gently bobs and you guide it, hand fisted leisurely in her bangs. The sight, as much as her actions, drive you over, catching you by surprise as it glides over you. It's not a violent thing, instead blooming vines of warmth that creeps all the way to your fingertips. Caitlyn keeps her movements, though slowed, until you push her away.

When you do she clambers upwards, squeezing next to you on the too-small twin. Instinctively she draws you into her collarbone, and you should sniff in disgust at the sweat that pools there. But it smells like her and you're too sleepy to complain, so your head notches itself against her chest and you sink into the warmth of her.

© ki-starz

[rene-spade]

miss louisiana i | c. leclerc, a. saint mleux | chase landry

poly! | fem! reader x obsessive! exes! charles leclerc, alexandra saint mleux (+chase landry and f1 grid)

synopsis. your obsessive exes refuse to accept your new relationship with a man completely different from them. maybe they should move to louisiana? jk!. . . unless?

note. ok so reader is from louisiana and has cajun roots for context. chase landry is from swamp people 😭✌️ I loved that show when I was younger & I rewatched some recently and it reignited my crush on him sorry

WARNING(s); obsessive/possessive behavior, toxic/creepy exes (I make is as fluffy as I can tho trust), ooc Alex and Charles being a rich and out of touch, a spec of classism, stalking oops, (everyone Loves you)

miss.y/n📍belle river, la

liked by charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux, jacoblandry, carlossainz55, and 1,006,349 others

miss.y/n back where I belong ☀️🌷🐊🐝🐍🌿🐠

view comments

mariene.y/l/n be safe in the water my baby 🤗

miss.y/n yes maman 🤞😊 you know I’m protected

user oop who’s protecting you miss ma’am

user omgggg how did Charles n Alex fumble so baddd 😩😩🙏 I’ve needed y/n’s cajun french baddie ass since DAY ONE 🗣️

charles_leclerc so beautiful mon ange 😍 but that water is dark and might be dangerous. ta maman a raison!

see translation | your mom is right

user stopp didn’t y/n break things off with them???

user2 currently losing it my fav throuple might be back 💪🗣️

carlossainz55 hope you’re doing well mi dulce ❤️

alexandrasaintmleux yeah no this isn’t happening

user carlos sweetie delete this comment while you still have hands <3

user SHE’S BACK IN LOUISIANA RAHH

user2 how did I not know she was from the middle of nowhere 😭 what is pierre part??

user3 how didn’t you know!!! her dad literally used to hunt alligator before he died and her mom remarried and moved back to France . Her dad was cajun

user this might be a reach but y’all think she knows anybody from swamp people? Love that show 🤣🤣

liked by miss.y/n

♤ ♤ ♤

♤ ♤ ♤

Alex’s leg bounced up and down nervously as her call went to voicemail for the 7th time in a row. She’d been calling your phone nonstop since hearing the news, anxious to know if it was true or not. It was always something that ate at her; her and Charles’ inability to relate to your childhood in Louisiana. They’d grown up among a higher class than you and in foreign countries. You would just giggle and wave off her concerns, insisting that even though they couldn’t understand your upbringing, that at least you could understand theirs.

“No answer.” She muttered, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. It was a habit she’d had as a child, one that you disapproved of and had trained out of her before you left them.

“She left us for a swamp man.” Charles pathetically finished Alex’s thought as they sat in his car, waiting to meet some other drivers and wags at the high-end restaurant Carlos chose.

“Don’t say it like that!” Alexandra turned her body towards the passenger window, “She didn’t leave us— not in that way! I told you she was homesick!”

Your father was a Cajun man who definitely took his culture to heart, doing a lot of hunting and fishing before he passed away suddenly when you were 12. Your mother was from France originally, and she remarried a rich Frenchman who’d ended up funding your modeling career after your success in pageantry. You moved straight to France at age 14 and found yourself in a completely different culture from how you grew up. You’d visited France before during summers with your mother, but it wasn’t home to you like Louisiana. You’d met Alexandra when the two of you were 19, and instantly bonded. Despite only really meeting briefly, it was love at first sight on Alex’s part and she supported you all the way to when you won Miss Universe after starting out Miss Louisiana.

When Charles had come along and had the same feelings that she did for you, it felt perfect, like everything had finally come together.

“With us is her home.” Charles replied, sucking his teeth.

“I can’t even—” Alex didn’t have to finish, the two had the same thought. They can’t even fathom the idea that you were with someone else.

x

Daniel was practically cackling in joy while Carlos at least tried to hide his amusement by covering his face. It was no secret that most of the f1 grid was praying for you to leave Charles/Alex so they could get a chance— but this wasn’t what they were expecting.

Bickering around the table ensued, only a few seconds before Alex was rolling her eyes with a groan and putting her face in her hands, “He doesn’t have any recent social media so I can’t even stalk him.”

“So we will just go there!”

“And what? Become swamp people?” Daniel was laughing so hard he was tearing up.

“Cha, that’s so ridiculous.” Alex mumbled.

“It is—!” Kika agreed suspiciously fast, “I just mean the split was recent, so maybe me and Pierre should visit her before you guys?” It’d only been a few months, but that had been enough to drive Charles and Alex a bit off the rails.

They’d only ever been apart from you for just over two days in the last year, up until you ghosted them. Well— it wasn’t technically ghosting when you left a note; a very brief letter in your familiar handwriting that told them you needed some space. They didn’t take it as a break up, although they did panic. Their numbers weren’t blocked, so they naturally took that as a good sign. This was probably because you wanted their attention since all their calls and messages were going through. The finality of it didn’t hit until it reached two weeks of no-contact from you and their photos were removed from your Instagram. The public noticed and so did the rest of the grid despite Alex and Charles’ now 3-month-long denial stage.

“le lieu s'appelle Pierre Part, yeah?” Pierre grinned and Charles sneered at him. (the place is called pierre part)

“They might have a point,” Daniel winced with a wide grin, “I think you’ll just look crazy if you show up. At least, one of us would just look like a friend who misses her, ya know?”

“None of you are visiting our girlfriend!” Alex frowned.

“Ex,” Carlos gently corrected into his fist with a cough before straightening up, “She jus’ is homesick maybe so give her some space and she will come back in no time.”

“I knew this would happen.” Alex slumped with her chin in her hand, “cet endroit est sa maison.” (that place is her home)

“You’ve never heard ‘if you love something, let it go’? If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back.” Daniel tried to reassure, but his face was almost a wince.

“We just wanted her close to us is all! We travel so much, we didn’t mean to take her away from her home—”

But Daniel gave them a look, knowing about their behavior with you. As in love with you as they are, Alex and Charles are intense about it. Endearing on one hand for awhile, but then the jealousy got worse and they were pretty delusional about their tendencies. He could understand it honestly— you were lovely. He imagined he’d be in the same state as Alex and Charles if you were his and you left him. Which is why he cut them so much slack, the rest of the table too.

“I don’t understand why she ran away like that!” Charles finished with a huff, running his fingers through his hair. He was starting to sweat. This felt like a cruel joke on your part— a mean way to get their attention.

“His ears are a little big.” Alex whispered, staring into her phone with a pout.

“et cela! regarde nos oreilles!” (and that! look at our ears!)

Pierre lost it at that; Charles pulling at his ears to make a point, “Maybe he’s just a nice guy, man!”

“We are nice!”

“Let me see.” Carlos walked around the table to see Alex’s phone.

She’d googled the name of your alleged new boyfriend— Chase Landry. He had starred on some Southern US reality show ‘Swamp People’; it mainly surrounded cajun alligator hunters in Louisiana. They had known you liked the show, but had never seen it themselves.

“Eh,” Carlos shrugged, “his ears aren’t that big. He is a little old for her though, no? 34?”

“Exactly! He is a pervert! I’m calling her again, actually.”

♤ ♤ ♤

♤ ♤ ♤

miss.y/n 📍pierre part, la

liked by jacoblandry, carlossainz55, francisca.cgomes, danielricciardo, and 1,014,108 others

miss.y/n me and my dirty swamp man foreva 🤞💛🌷🦆

view comments

user STOPPP SHE SAID THAT’S MY MAN N IMMA STICK BY HIMMMM

user2 stfu 😭✋ the fact that this man most likely has no idea that this is going on

user3 his brother liking her posts and filling him in

miss.y/n jokes on y’all Jacob doesn’t know what’s going on either

bellahadid beautiful lily faery and her dirty swamp bf <3

miss.y/n <3 literally

user BELLA⁉️

arthur_leclerc beautiful view of the water, ma sœur!

see translation | my sister

user THEY SENT Y/NS FAVORITE LECLERC BROTHER IN TO PLAY DAMAGE CONTROL

user2 not “my sister” 😭😭😭 leclercs let her go challenge

user y/n’s harem coming to her defense like the mighty morphin power rangers 😭😂🤣

x

this is part 1 of perhaps 3. I plan on making part 2 much longer and more writing than social media like this one, just for some balanceee

taglist; @alliwantisadonut @splaterparty0-0 @charizznorizz

Ren