#that's what I mean by that
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figuring out i have published nearly 60,000 words of rebelcaptain fic to ao3 in the past year, and that's just the stuff i've published
#definitely thousands of words more lurking in unfinished drafts lmao#like this is... a lot for me#i think my rebelcaptain renaissance happened after the time i needed to truly grow as a writer and become more creatively free#to do what i always wanted to do with them but felt like i didn't have the ability to back in. like. 2017#because back then i was always so terrified about characterization that i never really accomplished much in general and specifically w them#and it's the point now where i can be so free as to feel like i've truly taken these characters as my OCs#not in the sense of being weirdly possessive over them and saying no one else gets to write them ever or anything stupid like that#but like. taking ownership over my own takes on them. and thus allowing them to live and breathe and yea live rent free in my head#that's what i mean by that#anyway: positive reflections on myself and my journey to overcome my ridiculous perfectionism!#being mentally ill about my blorbo ship has helped that so much LMFAO
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I'm going to commit Shipping Crimes here shortly :)
#I'm gonna draw one of my favorite Rarepairs actually#that's what I mean by that#I wanna draw my poly ship but I don't think I have the energy tonight
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
#and by 'everyone' i mean me. im just hoping other people relate lmao#someone asks me about a thing i like and im just like h..................#been thinking about The Character for a solid 6 months+ and let me tell you. expldoeing soon#this is about ffxv btw . how am i supposed to say how much it lives in my brain . i cant think#text#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#great googly moogly#30k#40k#50k#60k#boooy what da heeel#70k#80k#90k#will this be my first ever post to hit 100k... it remains to be seen#good lord. we did it#100k
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>be me, massive egg
>kind of a 6/10, mid looking, glasses, nerdy clothes, scruffy beard, baggy eyes
>have a type that i have to hots for
>gothy wth bangs, slightly chubby
>egg cracks, transition, dye my hair, change my fashion style, gain weight do to eating healthier
>mfw i became my type
>always was a little bi but now with hormones i start developing more of an attraction for men
>find out i like nerdy, scruffy guys with glasses and baggy eyes
>mfw past me is now my type
>wtf
#this is an excercise in creative writing#it doesnt necesarily descrive me#although it doesnt not descrive me either if you know what i mean
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as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"
#vivid flashbacks to being 19 and going on scarleteen like 'help what's a clitoris'#anyway society (by which i mean repressed evangelical white brits lol) really marked a whole area of anatomy as off limits huh#and the modern advertising friendly internet does not counteract it
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guys I just found the greatest video on the internet
#tiktok#tiktoks#well actually this is from#instagram reels#Instagram#but we all know what i mean#short form videos#comedy#hahaha#🤓#funny#praying mantis#entomology#entomology jokes#and something else entirely#dogs#little dog#chihuahua#creachur#bad jokes#yeah#i think thats enough tags
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Hi guys
#they can all be switched around btw. everyone in this family is autistic#Also Trans and a struggler#and you know what they can be fujos too sure#i mainly went with this order because autistic ford means the world and the stars and the moon to me#Gravity falls#Stanford pines#dipper pines#stan pines#stanley pines#Mabel pines
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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No one tells you when you get a Big Serious Job™ how many fucking abbreviations you’ll be forced to learn.
#or how many abbreviations that you’ll come across that mean something different from what you’ve always known#I stopped reading a requisition to make this post because I read a sentence that was like#‘something something the COR and the contractor POC’#and I stopped like ‘contractor person of color???’ before remembering Point of Contract#also no one at my job tells you what any of this stuff means. they’re just like Morgan can you take care of this DOA?’#and I gotta sit there like Dead on Arrival??? before figuring out it’s a Delegation of Authority spreadsheet
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Love and light to marcille but she has the worst fucking opinions on God's good earth
#what do you mean. this is the hottest they've ever been#the other falin short hair. with the big old titties. i didnt include this one because marcille isnt commenting but holy shit.
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sometimes a theme recurs in your work without your permission. and sometimes it reaches a threshold where you're like. well now i think this is saying something about me against my will. don't know what though
#creative writing#shitpost#sorry just wrote a third piece with the same underlying idea/premise#which i didn't do on purpose#and now i'm like. well fuck. what's this mean about me?#now i gotta do some self reflection about that
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hubris? that can't affect me i dont know what that means
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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the angel staying over at my house asked for a nightlight in their room and i told them buddy, don't you produce your own light? what're you gonna do with more? and they said they wanted to see why people like it so much. and also that the nightlight i own is blue and they've been trying to understand color. anyways i think they've stared at it for an hour now
#pig originals#i am going to add to this tomorrow. don't know what this means yet but it's something#unreality#<- just in case. let me know if this needs any other tags#pig pens#hello i think the title for this will be 'the angel staying over at my house'. yes it is long i know
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very funny (irritating) to me that everyone whined and yelled about stupid rainbow capitalism and how performative wokeness/allyship is a net bad we should all refuse to support and now like.
tumblr is doing nothing for pride and target isn't selling much (if any) of their pride collection offline except at certain stores (in democratic areas, basically) and build a bear has a much tinier collection than normal and all the actual pride stuff is on their "adult" website (not sure if it's in stores, but pride = adult is a hell of a message)
there are genuinely good criticisms for performative allyship in all its applications. it shouldn't be the only thing we expect from people and companies. but if all the shit I see being called performative stopped tomorrow then in terms of the LGBTQ+ community especially we just. wouldn't talk about queerness or queer issues or celebrate pride or do anything.
open your fucking eyes. we are very close politically to having gay marriage rolled back. now companies are basically being let off the hook to even make a miniscule effort (which matters to the people who don't have access to any other kind of support in their communities! which normalizes the community in public spaces!) because the only reaction they have gotten over the last few years are negative ones from BOTH sides.
we are so entrenched in discourse at all times for the sake of our OWN performance of who is the wokest and who is REALLY an ally or a good community member that we have basically handed over all the work of activists of the last several decades to the other side because we'd rather scream at each other over fucking chicken restaurants and shit than the real life backsliding that's happening.
and this goes for other shit too. feminism, poc rights, all of it.
also. trans rights aren't discourse and aren't just culture war arguments. in case any terfs think they can spin this to be antitrans.
#pride#pride month#gay#lgtbqia+#lgbtqia#rainbow capitalism#i just#why can you not understand how just bc you dont like it from the standpoint of anticapitalism#does not mean its not important in a society controlled solely BY capitalism#its like watching feminism circle around from women can just exist even if not conventionally attractive to its woke to get plastic surgery#what are we DOING
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the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. "oh is this a syphilis metaphor" passerby would ask. "is this for a tick tock". no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth
#m text#everyone rbing this without the addition and commenting 'op did you mean sisyphus' yes. yes i did#'where did the discord screenshot reblog go did you delete it' well in the 10mn after posting it someone had a funnier reblog#so i was like oh. ill delete the less funny one i did for the funnier one#and then. guess what got big.
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