#that's the comfort in some of the tragedy of these stories we get attached to. In a weird way

[mixelation]

i got up to do a chore and then was like "no, i should write down this sentence first" and then wrote a 700 word intro to "deidara is minato's oops baby" i guess

Our story, dear reader, starts like many do: with tragedy. 

At the height of the Third Shinobi War, Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina come to an agreement. Whenever Minato is out of the village on a long-term mission, they are both free to have sex with whomever they please. 

They refine this agreement multiple times over the years, to keep the both of them comfortable and happy. They make rules to prevent emotional attachments. They both commit to their due diligence in screening for STIs and preventing pregnancies. 

There is no rule against having sex with enemy ninja. Six months out from his marriage, Minato sleeps with an Iwa missing-nin. Her name is Juri, but Minato never learns this. She’s the one who makes the proposition, and he thinks it’s a bit sexy, to sleep with the enemy. Juri enjoys the thrill of fucking the man that her former village, now her most hated enemy, is most afraid of. 

The condom breaks. Juri insists she knows the contraceptive jutsu, and she definitely doesn’t want to be pregnant, on account of currently being on the run from her home village. Minato hedges and asks her to do the jutsu in front of him just to be sure, and she acquiesces. They part on good terms and do not give the other any way to contact each other. 

Minato goes home and reports the broken condom to his fiancée, but neither of them give the incident much worry. The contraceptive jutsu is easy, and Minato saw her do it, and also what are the chances that this random woman would get pregnant from this one hook up?

Kushina also thinks sleeping with the enemy is kind of sexy. They roleplay it a few times and otherwise never think of Juri again. 

What neither of them know is that Juri has a bloodline limit which affects her chakra. What Juri herself doesn’t even know, is that she needs specific adjustments to the contraceptive jutsu to accommodate her bloodline limit. It’s never come up before. She’s never had a condom break. 

Half a year later, Minato and Kushina are married, and Juri is recaptured by Iwa. 

“You can’t execute me,” she insists. “I’m pregnant. Don’t you want more explosion release babies?”

She does not reveal the identity of the father. This seems like it could get her special treatment, or it might get both her and her baby killed. She decides not to risk it. 

For the first few years of his life, little Deidara has an average upbringing. Juri is under constant surveillance, but the war has been costly and Iwa does need more babies. That Deidara is healthy and demonstrates a strong aptitude for shinobi skills is a boon to Iwa and a boon to Juri. 

The Yellow Flash becomes Hokage, and Deidara begins ninja training years early. Iwa insists Juri have more children. They pick out men for her. 

To breed me like a dog, Juri thinks, grinding her teeth. No thanks!

She leaves the village again. She does give some thought into bringing Deidara with her, but ultimately concludes her chances of survival will be higher without him. 

Fuck Iwa, she thinks, and on her first day as a free woman, she sends a message to Konoha. 

Juri does not survive the week. Uzumaki Kushina and her newborn baby Naruto, in an unrelated incident you may know something about, also do not survive the week. Konoha is plunged into chaos, and the message from Juri ends up buried in a report that the grieving Yellow Flash doesn’t read. 

The start to this story, as you can see, dear reader, is very sad. We are left with three of our named characters dead. One of our survivors is overwhelmed with grief and survivor’s guilt for years to come, unable to forsake his duties to the village to properly process his loss. The other survivor is suddenly plunged into a confusing, chaotic world without a parental figure to support him and no way for such a young mind to comprehend why this is happening to him. 

But don’t worry, dear reader.  Ten years later, while shuffling through old documents in order to prepare for renegotiating a peace treaty, Namikaze Minato will find the note from Iwa no Juri, and everything will change.

[skynapple]

I wonder what Xavier's first human funeral was like.

He came from a world where funerals were scarce, an all but immortal race. What was it like coming to a world where people's total lifespan was shorter than the span of a few years of his adolescence?

What was it like the first time he started to really get along with someone before the first time he noticed laugh lines growing in the eyes of someone he started to care about?

I wonder how soon it was before he started to get detached? How soon before he stopped attending those team building events people say he never attends? How long before he stopped going to those group lunches? How long before he decided he was tired of losing people?

We know he knows a lot of people, elderly especially, we know he does seek connection now and then (the bookstore he works at, the fishing trip buddies, the elderly around town he gets along with, that one friend's kid he babysat over the weekend in anecdote 1 who was apparently the child of someone else he watched grow up). And we know he's attended his own "funerals" as well as he lays his former identities to rest ("Christian's funeral" in anecdote 2).

I wonder if at some point that's why he sleeps so much. It also just makes it more beautiful when the more you get to know him, the less sleepy he's becoming. In the most recent cards he's waking up before our MC, he's more active, he's sleeping less during the day. It's like his whole being is waking up. He's starting to see the beauty in living and in the mundane.

I wonder if he thinks about that first funeral differently now.

[atticmichaelangelo]

Nana Komatsu, the fear of loneliness, and the perfect tragedy of her story

Within the Nana fandom, it is a widely acknowledged fact that Nana Komatsu ( who I will be calling Hachi for convenience) is written and portrayed as a clingy and needy character. Naturally, the effect that such a personality has on the viewers varies, with some enjoying and even empathising with Hachi, while others feel less inclined to such character archetypes, or even real life people, for a plethora of different reasons.

However, I believe that while this aspect of her personality is often highlighted, it plays a much deeper narrative role than it is given credit for. What may initially have seemed like a benign and overused personality trait — Hachi’s need for connection — actually plays a much larger role in shaping the course of her life, and understanding her relationship with loneliness and attachment allows for a greater understanding of her decisions within the anime and manga ( understanding not justification)

To do this we must examine how Ai Yazawa chooses to present Hachi to us, the viewers, in the first few episodes / chapters, and why. Hachi from the get go is depicted to be boy crazy - a girl with her head in the clouds. Someone who is quick to endear herself to others, and even quicker to idolise them - she is a character that wholeheartedly indulges in and thrives off love and attention, even if it is at the expense of her own wishes and dignity (will elaborate). We follow Hachi through her intense attachments - from her art teacher, to the pizza delivery boy, to the guy in the shop, to Asano. Out of all these attachments, we think we can see a recurring theme - they are all of romantic nature, and showcase Hachis constant search and desire to be loved. And yet there is a character whose interactions with Hachi are even more telling of Hachi’s priorities, and which I think is often undermined in the fandom due to the focus of Hachi's romantic pursuits, yet crucial to the foreshadowing and understanding of Hachi’s character and story.

Junko. We see a bond established between them right at the beginning of the anime/manga, while we're still getting to know Hachi, which serves as a key foundation for her characterisation. Hachi follows Junko to art school simply because Junko went. We observe as Hachi interacts with Junko, seeking advice,comfort and security from her, while also allowing herself to be condescended and even embarrassed by Junko. An example of this is when Junko tells Shoji and kyosuke as soon as Hachi meets them that she is loud and has a long history with men. While these traits aren't inherently negative, in the context of the society and time the manga is set in, they were not viewed as favourable traits for women. Hachi's initial protests at having these aspects of her life exposed are telling. Junko can tend at times at the start of the story to be very brisk and sometimes even outright insensitive to Hachi. Yet, when Junko decides to go to Tokyo, Hachi tearfully begs her to stay, even diminishing Kyosuke's importance to his face in an effort to keep Junko close. Realising it would be unfair to hold Junko back from her dreams, Hachi impulsively decides to apply to schools in Tokyo as well. She had no money, no set career aspirations, and no solid plans, yet was adamant to join her friend.

And this brings us to the key aspect of Hachi’s character that Ai Yazawa informed us of from very early on: she will uproot her whole life in order to not be alone. And this trait is depicted throughout all her relationships, platonic and romantic. Hachi may be boy obsessed, but to diminish her later actions to just that is a disservice to Ai Yazawa’s writing skills, as in these pivotal few scenes, Hachi’s past and future link and meld together immaculately - Hachi’s decision to stay with Takumi was foreshadowed and hinted at phenomenally from the very start of the story through Hachi’s past, and how it shaped her interactions with other characters. Her actions were rooted more in a desperate need for companionship and fear for loneliness than, as some people believe, a habit of putting her romantic relationships on a pedestal - and Ai Yazawa has reminded us of this throughout the story.

Hachi grew up in a loud and rather indifferent household where she grew up ( as a middle child) thinking that her absence would just mean less noise in the household, a thought probably encouraged by her parents' passive and impartial approach to parenting and her growing up, giving her an excess of freedom instead of the attention Hachi desired growing up. Given such an environment, she developed an anxious attachment style, clinging onto whatever relationships she has in order to avoid feeling lonely and isolated, such as her friendship with Junko. She compares the feeling to be worse than Asano breaking up with her - the moment when she realised the extent of her unrequited love and the fragility of relationships, causing her to come to terms fully with the threat of loneliness and abandonment. This concept and revelation seems to haunt her visibly throughout the first few episodes, and more insipidly years later as she still seeks companionship and intimacy to avoid the depression and fear she feels when encountering the emotion that she has correlated with feeling unwanted and used.

So given this, it makes Hachis decision to stay with Takumi even more painstakingly in line with her character. Hachi is not written to be a perfect character for readers to project their own morals into - Hachi is young, still rather sheltered and unsure of her place in the world. She thrives off others' reassurance and the security they provide her - when she feels this is being threatened ( such as when she saw Nana interact with Tsuzuki) she spirals. So when she found out she was pregnant, Takumi very intentionally divulged the information without giving Hachi a chance to prepare, recognising Hachi’s intense aversion to being alone, and exploited it in the scenario to fit his interests in keeping her by his side. Hachi was at this part of the story in a very vulnerable and insecure position. She feared and expected rejection and disappointment from her friends, a reflection of her own and society's negative and sexist feelings on her situation, and saw herself as alone. Blast was excelling and becoming increasingly busy, Junko and Kyosuke were occupied in their own daily lives, and she saw herself with nobody to turn to for help or support, and was too ashamed to ask for it from people she held in such high regard. She believed she had nobody who could give her the stability and comfort she has sought for consistently throughout the manga/anime in her friends and romantic partners.

Nobody but Takumi. Hachi knew she would not be happy. She knew that she did not love him and was not loved the way she always idealised. She knew that by marrying Takumi and raising the child with him she would be sacrificing her friends’ trust and opinions of her, and putting herself in a situation that may seem like what she always wanted ( financial stability and a family) , but was less than ideal in reality. But she ended up marrying Takumi - because she believed Takumi at the time was the only one who would accept her, who would not be any more angry and disappointed at her than she was with herself. She saw him as the only option that guaranteed the security she yearned for and seeked in every one of her personal relationships, even at the expense of her own happiness and friendships - and this because we are shown time and time again that Hachi would rather uproot her life than be on her own. She would rather suffer a person and learn to love them than be without. And that is the painstaking tragedy of it all - it makes sense for her character.

Ai Yazawa does a beautiful job at showing the very human side of personalities and relationships. Personal growth is not a linear process, and while Hachi shows moments of self-awareness and even growth, with instances where she is shown slowly blossoming into a more independent woman and recognising her self-destructive tendencies, she ultimately gravitates towards what is most familiar to her. She acts seemingly as a survival instinct, where the pale mockery of a loving relationship seems more plausible and tolerable to her than the shaky and unpredictability of her future, and facing the shock and hurt of those who she holds so dear to her heart. Though this may frustrate viewers, it is also what makes Hachi such a compelling and relatable character — her choices, while flawed, feel deeply human. Hachi doesn’t always make the smart decision, nor the one best in the long run. She is a character that displays the more uncomfortable sides of human nature and actions, and is a character that can be simultaneously loved and sighed at and learnt from, which is infinitely more educational and enjoyable than a character who has things just happen to them. She is a culmination of her past experiences and how she operated through them and processed them is translated and depicted through her relationships and actions in a realistic, though heart wrenching fashion.

[s0ftand0nly]

This is about to be a long, kind of rambly post so stick with me if you want to, but I feel like a lot of people who make posts about Anakin have not experienced what it’s like to be groomed into doing what you don’t want to.

And no, I’m not calling Sheev a pedophile. Grooming isn’t inherently sexual. I suppose you could swap the word out for manipulated if that’s what makes you more comfortable.

Anakin did not jump from a good home life to the Jedi temple. He went from being a literal slave with an unhealthy attachment to his mother out of necessity for survival into an environment where he was immediately told that he was wrong. I’m not here to debate whether the Jedi were wrong or if their rules were wrong- I am ONLY saying they were wrong for taking this child, 9 years old, and telling him that he is wrong and a coward for doing what he needed to to survive day to day not even a full week ago.

Anakin was raised as a slave. We see multiple times what it’s like for slaves, but what impacted me the most were the Clone Wars episodes where Obi-wan and Rex are sold into slavery. It’s said explicitly in the episode that the slavers we see frequently make deals with the Hutts, and that fact alone makes it very likely that Shmi and even possibly Anakin were in those camps themselves at one point. These slavers whip and abuse the people there, force them to wear shock collars and leave lasting scars on both Obi-wan and Rex when they were both only there for a couple weeks.

Shmi would have been in one of those camps for years. If Anakin had, it would have been when he was an infant.

We even learn in one episode in season 2 that it’s commonplace to perform surgery on new slaves in order to implant a tracker in them so they can never be free. Anakin was not a normal kid with a normal, happy life.

Enter Sheev, who is immediately in a position of power over him and, not only that, but has consistent access to him. Anakin probably already felt wronged by the Jedi for being told he was a coward, but wow! The senator of Naboo later Chancellor thinks he’s very brave!

Anakin spent his entire life struggling with the Jedi Code- not because he’s inherently evil or selfish like some people like to act, but because he grew up being told the exact opposite. He couldn’t leave his attachments, if he did neither of them would be protected and they would both be killed. He showed anger when told not to because that was all he had ever been shown unless by his mother.

But all the while, he had a little voice in his ear telling him that he’s not like the other Jedi, he’s special, he’s better. Sheev played on his insecurities in every single scene we see them in together. He tells him to react to his anger, to keep his attachments and to be selfish. Anakin only gets worse from there.

Anakin’s problem has never been that he is inherently selfish or inherently evil. His problem was that he had no one close to him to tell him no- and anyone who did he was told to cut off by Sheev.

The tragedy of Anakin’s story has never been that he’s uncaring or cares only about himself, it’s that he was a child (22 in ROTS! i have mutuals older than that!) who was being told what to do and how to act by a man well over three times his age and he listened.

[tadcdreamlandau]

WELCOME, TO THE OFFICIAL TADC DREAMLAND AU-CENTERED BLOG! ! ! Sorry if it's way too long btw.

STATUS: [Updated Gangle picture & desc, Zooble now being a knight]

[AU still in development AND will update regularly]

"WHY, HELLO THERE DREAMER! "

"SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'VE VENTURED OUT INTO THE MAGICAL WORLD OF DREAMLAND! "

SHIPS THAT (might) BE ADDITIONAL TO THE AU:

Showtime (Caine x Pomni) [heavily implied but it detaches from the AU]

Bunnydoll (Jax x Ragatha) [somewhat implied but by interactions, it's up to ya'll if you want it to be officially part of the AU or not]

Abstradegy (Gangle x Zooble) [similar situation as prior mentioned]

Chessboard (Kinger x Queenie) [married]

CHARACTER DESIGNS:

Pomni [Alias: "the dreamer"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Caine)

Caine [Alias: "Dreamscape's Host"]

Ragatha (coming soon) [Alias: "The Solar Servant"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Sun)

Jax (coming soon) [Alias: "Melancholy Valley's Mischief/Trouble maker"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Moon)

Kinger (coming soon) [Alias: "The Astronomer"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Formely Caine's, now Eclipse's)

Gangle (coming soon) [Alias: "Tarot, the chancellor, Advisor, Tragedy (sister/left mask) Comedy (brother/right mask), the conjoined twins"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Eclipse)

Zooble (coming soon) [Alias: "guard, knight, 'that thing' (only by Eclipse)"] (Designed God/Goddess/Host: Eclipse)

Sun [Alias: "Daydream's goddess/ ruler/ queen/ empress"]

Moon [Alias: "Melancholy Valley's goddess /queen/ empress"]

Eclipse [Alias: "the insane one, the gatekeeper, the madman, Deity of The Ephialtes"]

(NPCS SUCH AS GUMMYGOO AND PRINCESS LOOLILALU WILL ALSO MAKE AN APPREANCE, DEPENDING ON HOW THE STORY GOES)

☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆STORY (it's gonna be long, so brace yourselves. Or don't. You COULD skip the whole thing and pray everything will be explained in the comics/animations)⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡ :

[Take note that Dreamland's timeline is divided into three factors.]

BACKSTORY ERA (Before Pomni's arrival)

IN-BETWEEN PERIOD (before Pomni's arrival but with all the other members already set inside the world)

PRESENT TIME (Present day/after Pomni's arrival)

[☁︎_BACKSTORY ERA_☁︎]

Dreamland takes the place of an outside world beyond our 'astral bodies'. Where, due to an ancient temple made thousands of years ago, became its own physical plane and had, at first, two main gods. First is the goddess of light, day and daydreams, The Sun was in charge of both to rule the day with its giant light ball we all know and love, and to rule above and beyond the daydreams, whenever its people, who dream for a future, a purpose, or stay zoned out, everything related to detaching yourself from reality and make a second you in the DreamLand's plane (basically your conscience is torn into two- one half stays in the mortal realm and the other lives for the rest of their lives in Dreamland). Then was the Goddess of sombre, melancholy, night and, you guessed it! THE MOON! She does something very similar to what the Sun does, but instead of detaching from reality due to ambition, it's due to a mortal feeling sad, depressed and in need of comfort- in this case, the Moon helps the conscience be split and comforts the much sadder side in the 'other world', that way the one that stays on earth feels an unknown feeling of care while BEING cared for.

Though one day, the Sun and the Moon realized that their jobs were very overcrowded. Dreamland millions of years ago was WAY too tiny for them to have control over, and some were complaining about how 'off-putting the emptiness of the clouds and sky' were, so, they collaborated to expand Dreamland. Creating two new attached realms: The Daydream and its glorious Heaven City where all is perfection and happiness under the Sun's rule; and the Melancholy Valley, (which is also HEAVILY inspired by Undertale's waterfalls), which serves as a much more tranquil escape that is ruled by the Moon.

Of course, soon they realized that the original plane was getting too empty, so to still honour the ancient temple that brought everything together, they created Hypnos. Or later on, known as Caine. Now, Caine had a LOT of development through the years- at first, he started as a confused being who was being kind of babied by the Moon, only to then slowly become the Sun's disciple to learn how to manipulate clouds into any wish a Dreamer (human) desires! His main priority was that if any Dreamer were to appear on neither Sun's nor Moon's realms then he had to be in charge and to be nothing but entertainment to them. And so did he! Dreamers began to appear in the place known as the 'Dreamscape', where Caine would reside and do his absolute best to make them all smile. That is, until a new problem came to be for some reason, whenever a Dreamer wasn't satisfied with Caine's entertainment, they slowly began to grow conscience of their in-earth conscience.

Feeling dread and despair in realizing that this. All of this. That all of this wasn't real. Nor were they. Thus, they began to slip- and no matter what Caine tried to do, the dreams that they were meant to feel slowly turned into agony. From there they turned into Nightmares (Dreamland's abstractions). Of course, Caine, the Moon and the Sun don't know what to do. It slowly tormented all the dreamers in each realm and, with the threat of them turning into a Nightmare. They had no choice but to create a new realm. A realm that worked as a cellar, a prison, for all Nightmares to be imprisoned and confined. This is called 'The Ephialtes', where a new god took form. One much more powerful than the rest of them. Eclipse, the god/dess of madness, dementia, hallucinations, and hysteria.

[☁︎_IN-BETWEEN ERA_☁︎]

Even with all the security and protection that was promised with Eclipse's arrival and the Ephiltes, none of the gods felt any ease after the incident. To them, it was something that they were never prepared for. Not when the temple was first built, not even when they passed on to their own seperate realms, this was simply to them the impossible. So, just like the humans began to slip, so did the goddesses themselves and taking all the blame and hate on poor Caine. Sun, as the original tutor of Caine, felt like he had disappointed her expectations. She felt like it her responsibility for Caine's 'incompitence' and only blame it on him for being 'imprefect'. His 'imperfection' tinting on her reputation, and therefore Sun snapped and became a control freak. One who banished Caine out of Dreamland and implemented a cruel system on her city. All just to do two things; make sure her little heaven was "clean from impurity" and for everyone to be too distracted on becoming little perfect mannequins to question their exsistance. In a very strange and messed up way, it worked. As for moon, well, she deeply tried to reason herself into understanding Caine's situation as simply an accident, but yet she couldn't live with the feeling of dread of the possibility of it being on purpose, which obviously was not, but yet still it CRUSHED her.

So much so that she became an emotional, crying mess. Sob after sob, Melancholy Valley began to have terrible floods by the Moon's endless tears. Resorting in, instead of Moon being the one to comfort others, she was one who deeply needed comfort. It did, however, helped her little realm. Because everyone fell into the manipulation of either "comfort her or else we'll drown" or "we owe it to her, she had been the one who gave us tranquility so we have to do the same" that nobody thought of the impending doom, nor the feeling of dread of their de-attached bodies. Therefore, nobody got turned into Nightmares by how busy they all were trying to makeup to the goddesses's expectations. Everyone except Caine. He was devastated. Sun had banished him from Daydream and will continue re-enforcing security everytime he tried to reason with her or even come as close as APOLOGIZING, and Moon couldn't handle even LOOKING at his direction without letting out a hurricane! Every. single. time did a dreamer coem into his realm and tried to give his absolute all to entertain them, only to end up with them turning into Nightmarish monsters the very next 'day'. It made Caine desperate. Hopeful even. For perchance maybe, in some way, somehow, he could make a change. But he wasn't like the other gods. He couldn't make people feel incredible pity for him like Moon, neither could he be strict and strong as Sun. Hell if he could even come as close as Eclipse.

There was one time, however, where a dreamer came by and had a lot of pity on him. This beign Queenie who probably was the one of the only people who did have any care for him at the moment, which was an absolute RELIEF. He tried his very best to entertain her, make a show, enjoy the dreamer's company which it all lasted, and surprisingly enough, she did manage to stay up for a long time! She even fell inlove with another dreamer that came into Caine's realm, which... well, on his own fault, thought the man was about to turn into a Nightmare and threw him into Eclipse's realm without realizing Kinger was just... Kinger. But oh well, everythign was going very well for Caine and he even had a mother and son relationship with Queenie. Only to... well... turns out that Queenie was terribly ill. So much so that neither in her dream state could she run away from her body changing and eventually leaving her in her death bed. Her last wish being...? Well....

Clubble.

Mhm, might sound very shocking, but she dearly wished that Caine would've some forever company with him, even when there were no dreamers alone. So there you have it, clubble. You didn't expect that, would you? Of course, that STILL didn't save Caine from his terrible loneliness. Even less from griefing on Queenie's death. He became anxious, desperate even, to make up for his mistakes. So very much so that the colours of the world around him CONSTANTLY changed. When it was grey and lifeless, it was his heart aching for the want of company, to want and need of hearing a dreamer's laugh, and even when he's feeling despair and sadness, he starts to wish to see someone bright up his world. When there's colour, you can tell by the static filter that it's him wanting to go back in time, to when there was still a blue sky, when there was still laughter and joy, when the goddesses still considered him family. Those times, where there were moments of colour, were when Caine could do the impossible for a god. To dream.

[☁︎_PRESENT TIME_☁︎]

(Coming soon...)

[cinamun]

hi! okay—first off? the masterful way in which you’re able to invoke such thoughtful conversations with your storytelling is everything to me. every update of TFA feels like a character study of people we’ve all encountered at some point in our lives! it’s beautiful, really.

secondly! with that being said, i wanted to pick your brains a bit about indira! i don’t know if you’ve ever talked about this before, but regarding our girl’s preference for non-exclusive relationships—how much of it would you attribute to her personality, and how much could be considered a trauma response?

considering all that she’s been through, given her own experience with an overly (wrongfully) possessive man in her life that overstepped SEVERALLLL boundaries [+ having to witness the aftermath of what elijah…rip…did to hope] i just always got the vibe that those things collectively made her very wary of wanting a man to ever feel that comfortable with having a ‘claim’ to her. which is understandable! but the idea also makes me very sad for her; since so much of her current mindset towards dating seems like more of a trauma response than anything.

like yes! as a 21 year old myself, i get the idea of wanting to be free and wanting to date around! but is indira really dating? or is she just entertaining people to avoid looking deeper at a bigger problem/fear that she has, and isn’t willing to overcome at this current point in her life? both things are valid, but i just wanted to hear your take as the storyteller because indira is SUCH an interesting character to me, and i’d love to get a deep-dive on her mindset because i relate to…well…almost all of her story 😭 and i’ve found that my own take on dating has shifted drastically due to my experiences with men in the past. where indira is avoidant but still interested in pursuing SOME form of intimacy/companionship, i’ve staunchly sworn off sex and use dating apps as a means to test the waters to ‘see if i’m even ready to date’ … and i’m not. which almost always leads to me getting overstimulated and ghosting after a day or two of light conversation, lol. so this could easily just be me projecting! but either way, i’d love to hear your thoughts!)

Good morning friend! If we aren't taking a deep dive at the human condition, what are we even doing? lol I very much enjoy picking apart our behaviors and why we do the things that we do. Why not put these pixels in Situations™ and then pick it apart in the replies and asks and sometimes DMs?

About Indira...

She is her mother's child and her wanting to date with no strings attached is part of her personality. Indira is healthy, she's happy, she's wealthy and she's beautiful. Why can't it just be that she has no desire to be anything more than what she wants? If a man sleeps around, we don't question it most times. But as soon as we saw a grown, independent, emotionally stable Dira sleep with two men while telling them exactly what their role was, we decided she was foul and something must be 'wrong'.

I find that fascinating!

Why can't it just be that Indira is having fun and living life? Why can't it just be that she is young, carefree and likes big dicks and big wallets?

Having said that, we have yet to hear from Dira how the experience with Rahul and Ryker may have shaped her as an individual (not just who she sleeps with). We saw bits and pieces about how Elliot's demise impacted her and certainly it wasn't a positive impact. Luckily, Dr. Carter, the family therapist, took turns with each of the Drake children after The Tragedy on the Pier™. She didn't have to go through it alone and worked hard in theraphy to develop healthy boundaries and work through the trauma.

Needless to say, there is so much more to come with her. We've only caught glimpses because the story has gone in a few different directions since her debut in Tomarang as a brand new young adult. I do hope you stay tuned for what is to come!

[carnalapples]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Thank you, friend!!!! I feel like my favorites are always shifting, but on this particular day:

1. trust fall. I feel like I was possessed when I worked on this fic lol, I really fell in love with Miranda as I was writing. I wanted to make this story very raw and almost overwhelming from Shepard's perspective, and I got so attached to it as I was writing as a result.

2. gold dust woman. I'm really proud of this fic, and I had a lot of fun writing it, trying to invent a story that made sense for two characters we only get an outline of was such a good challenge! And I love doomed tragedies, but they terrify me, so that was another challenge, leaving little hope of a happy ending or closure and sticking to it.

3. the care and feeding of lovebirds. This fic is very personal to me, I watched the movie and I wrote this story in a haze because I really resonated with some elements of the main character's life, how she grows up dreaming of love and romance but always feeling like it's something wrong she shouldn't want, and it was such a comfort to write this.

4. and it's peaceful in the deep. I think this is one of the only times I've outlined a fic and actually followed the outline lol, this turned out pretty much the way I envisioned it from the start and I'm quite proud of not deviating from the initial vision. I think in every other fic I've written, it's transformed drastically from the initial story I set out to tell.

5. rivers of bitter certainty. There are a few things I would change about this fic if I were to write it now, but I was filled with so much creative energy when I wrote this, and I'm always trying to figure out how I can get back to that kind of state. I never thought I could plan and write and finish a set of AUs like this, and I was so proud when I did!

[sharpth1ng]

SCREAM 2 OPINIONS GO🔪🔪🔫🔫

Ok so I actually really like scream 2, I think it exists well within the spirit of what a scream movie should be in that it interacts with a horror sequel in the same way that Scream 1 interacts with slasher movies(and to be fair, other horror) generally.

Sidney is literally bored with Ghostface, and we see that in her first on screen appearance. It's a pretty simple scene but I think it does a good job of conveying some information about where Sid's at in life. Because now when she gets a call from ghostface it's nothing she hasn't dealt with before, she had caller I.D now. It's suggested that she's been getting prank calls from "ghostface" for a while now and she's over it. I like that for her. It's a nice evolution for a final girl, and the movie communicates it well in one scene.

She also has a cute little bob now so points for that. Very sapphic.

We also have the fact that the Woodsboro massacre has been commodified and is being made into a movie a mere 2 years after it happened. Gale is partly to blame for that but it still feels wild, especially because the tone of Stab isn't very serious, it's very much a blockbuster horror movie and not a crime-drama even though it's based on what is in universe a true crime case.

Director Wes Craven doesn't believe violence on film should be toned down and made comfortable for a general audience, so I kind of read the in-universe presence of the Stab franchise as Scream 2 making a comment on the way that real tragedies get re-packaged and sold as stories.

We also have Mickey and Nancy's kill list- it's a hollow replication of the murders in the first movie, and I don't mean that scream 2 does a bad job with them I mean that Mickey and Nancy kind of do. How do they pick their victims? Aside from the core group of people close to Sidney they're basically just random people with the right names.

Maureen Evans, Phil Stevens, and Casey "Cici" Cooper.

These victims have no personal connection to the killers or to Sidney for the most part, they're literally just there to be bodies. In contrast Billy and Stu had a personal, petty little kill list, all people that pissed them off or got in thier way somehow. Again, this feels like it fits in with the theme of commercialism, sequels bet on hitting the same notes as the original, but often fail to provide the same kind of motivation and backing.

(The only victim without that kind of connection in the original is Himbry and that’s explained by the fact that his death wasn’t in the original script, it was added in because executives thought the movie needed another kill since there’s so much space between the Casey and Steve murders and everything that happens at the party. So again, a product of commercialism.)

But I think the lack of connection Nancy and Mickey have with their victims is also commentary on the horror sequel, particularly with slasher movies where most of the cast died in the original. Sequels have a tendency to just throw a new cast at you without spending the same time and care developing them, they’re just designed to fit the same archetypes as the original (Mickey=Stu, Derek=Billy, Hallie=Tatum). Studios bank on the fact that you liked it the first time, so you’ll like it again if they check the same boxes.

Scream 2 doesn’t give us hollow copies though, and that’s what makes it a good movie, these replacements are designed for the most part as comments on the original. I think the best example here is Derek, who does actually fit the archetype Billy was pretending to be (popular, charismatic, outgoing) but he still doesn’t actually understand Sid or her trauma, which is where he parallels Billy the most. He just isnt trying to manipulate Sid like Billy was.

I also think the relationship between the killers works well with the theme of commercialism in sequels. The original killers are almost defined by their relationship to each other. Like, Stu does what he does purely out of his attachment to Billy. Billy and Nancy are both motivated by revenge and familial love, which is a theme through many of the other scream movies.

But Mickey isn’t motivated out of his attachment to Nancy, he has a financial motive. She’s literally bankrolling him, and he’s looking for fame. If we’re thinking cynically about horror sequels they are motivated by financial gain, relying on the success of the original to get people to buy in. Just like Mickey.

And in general the sequel just pushes so much over the top, with the first kill happening in the middle of the theater being perceived as a publicity stunt, to Randy being killed out in the open in broad daylight. It’s the classic sequel thing that all of the scream movies comment on- you need to raise the stakes.

Honestly there’s probably more I could say but I’ve already written an essay 🙃 yeah. I like scream 2. Good movie.

[shiningshenanigans]

When Sacrifice No Longer Feels Loving: Raw, Messy, Emotional Thoughts on Loki Season 2

It’s been a little over two weeks since the season 2 finale of Loki came out, and although it’s been pretty much all I’ve been able to think about lately, I haven’t really been able to put my thoughts into words. And I have a lot of thoughts. I need to get them out of my system, and I’ve tried to write them down on multiple occasions, but every time I do, they keep getting stuck on the way out.   

So, I’ve decided to do something different. Rather than trying to analyze the series critically, I’m going to just start writing about how it made me feel, and see where it takes me. I’m not really sure what’s going on in my heart and mind as I reflect on this story, but I have a vague idea of the truth that it’s tapping into. Fair warning: these thoughts are going to get very Christian-y and preachy, so if the gospel is not your thing, I don’t know how much sense this post will make. But, if you’ve been having a similar experience with the season and care to read, I hope that you find some encouragement and truth in these messy, emotionally honest thoughts!

When I try to sum up how I feel about season 2 as a whole, the only word that really comes to mind is “upset.” I’m just upset about it. The morning after the finale aired, I woke up with a deep, hollow pit of sadness in my stomach. I broke down crying a couple of times over the next few days just thinking about certain scenes in episodes 5 and 6, and I couldn’t rewatch the finale for almost a week. 

Is it weird to feel this kind of grief over something as simple as a TV show? Yeah, probably. But I think that’s kind of the point. I’d been looking forward to the release of this season for two years. Without getting too personal, I’ve recently been through one of the hardest years of my life. Just this year, I’ve gone to two funerals for people that I grew up with, been in a car crash, faced rejection in a relationship that I had grown emotionally attached to, and mourned with my community as we experienced one of the most tragic shootings in our country's history. The release of Loki season 2 had become a little bright spot in my 2023; something to look forward to in all the madness. 

When the first season came out, I remember being overcome by how good it was. It was wacky, and sweet, and funny, and sad, and redemptive all at once. Even in its darkest moments, there seemed to be a thread of hope that ran through the series from beginning to end. Over the years it had become a comfort show, a beautiful piece of art that offered me encouragement when I needed a pick-me-up. Because if a comic book super villain with a long history of screwing his life up can change his ways, make new friends, fall in love, find meaningful work, stand up to his oppressors, and ultimately write his own destiny, then gosh darnit, so can I. 

My roommate and I invited our friends over, every Thursday night for six weeks, to watch the new episodes as they premiered. Our watch parties started off full of excitement and anticipation. I even made key lime pie for us the first couple of times, which was a big hit. But as the weeks wore on, and the episodes started to spiral deeper into tragedy, our post-watch conversations became more full of questions and complaints than anything. When the credits rolled on the finale, we sat in an almost mournful silence, watching the screen, waiting with baited breath to see if there would be a post-credits scene. There wasn’t one. You could almost feel a sense of dread fall over the room. That’s it. That’s all they’re going to give us. That’s how they’ve decided to end the story. 

I think the first words that were uttered when the Disney Plus screen finally popped up were, “I hate Marvel,” before we all began to voice how we felt.  

I can honestly say this has been one of the weirdest, strongest emotional reactions to a piece of media that I’ve ever had. It’s genuinely felt like I’ve been going through the five stages of grief over this show, but the grief isn’t just stemming from the inherent sadness of the story. I’m also grieving the show itself; what it’s become, how it was handled by the people it was entrusted to, and the knowledge that there will likely not be another season to redeem it. I feel angry, unseen and unloved by the writers who set up everything over the course of six episodes to ensure that the finale was as heartbreaking as possible. 

At the same time, however, I can’t say that I hated it. A part of me knows that the reason it’s affecting me so deeply is because it’s so well-made. Art doesn’t grip you this much unless it’s objectively good. There are legitimate critiques of the story/filmmaking that I could make and a lot of people already have. The temptation to scoff and say “Michael Waldron wouldn’t have done it this way” and turn all my excitement towards Secret Wars is very strong, but that just seems like misplacing my hope. Underneath all the sadness and the frustration, there’s also a layer of confusion. Am I supposed to be feeling this way? Is this what the writers of this show wanted me to feel all along? And if so, why? What are they trying to say through this story?  

I don’t normally mind stories with tragic endings, so long as I can understand the purpose behind them. I remember feeling similarly unsettled when I finished the first season of Arcane, wondering what the point of it all was. But after a little bit of analysis and reflection, I could see how the tragedy was fitting; how the characters choices had led to the ending and the cautionary tale it was trying to tell me. Even in the tragedy, it was still good. I’ve also learned to love the grief that comes with watching a character make a heroic sacrifice for those he loves. I think of Tony Stark in Avengers: Endgame, Janner in The Wingfeather Saga, or Stoick in How To Train Your Dragon 2. All these deaths are heartbreaking and painful to watch, but there’s a certain beauty to them too, and you can feel the goodness and love in their sacrifices.

This one is different, though. Something about this one feels wrong. Something about this one feels deeply, inherently, not good. And analysis is only making it worse. 

I’m having a really hard time seeing the beauty in the sacrifice that Loki makes at the end of season 2. This story wasn’t supposed to end in tragedy. It was supposed to be a reversal of tragedy. A second chance for a beloved character (one who has already sacrificed himself for love on multiple occasions) to finally receive some kind of reward instead of punishment.

To end the series the way the writers did feels almost like a stab in the back, a betrayal if you will, of all the hope and joy and restoration that the first season promised. I guess adopted children who are abandoned at birth really are destined to be alone forever, no matter how much love they have to give. I guess villains can’t find redemption, and even if they do, they will not escape eternal punishment for their sins. I guess quarrels between brothers (or lovers) can’t be resolved, and every relationship we cherish is doomed to fall apart eventually. I guess young women like me, who are strong and independent because we’ve had to be, are not worth pursuing, and we should be content with our middle-management jobs and casual friendships as if that is the peak of human existence. I guess we should embrace isolation and selfishness after all. I guess true love doesn’t really exist, and we should walk away from any semblance of it before it makes us bleed.

Bummer. 

The night after we watched the finale, I drove a couple of my friends home. On the drive back, I could feel the sadness of the story aching in my gut. I thought specifically about Sylvie, and how unsatisfied I felt with where the story left her. I’ve always connected with her as a character, and I hated the way she had been sidelined throughout the season. Every week, I had tuned in hoping I would see some kind of reconciliation between her and Loki. I just wanted some kind assurance that she loved him back, that they would somehow end up together in the end. One kiss, one hug, just… one conversation, for heaven’s sake. One apology from either side. One confession of love. But six episodes and it never came. Their relationship wasn’t even addressed. It was reduced to subtext, as if it wasn’t the back bone that Michael Waldron built his original pitch off of back before 2021.  

I thought about the way she shrugged and smiled when Mobius asked her what she was going to do next, and it just irked me. Why didn’t they tell us what her plans were? Why didn’t they give us some kind of clue? It seemed so obvious to me what she should do. She should make good use of her Tempad and go be with Loki. How could she just walk away, knowing everything he just sacrificed for her? Do people really think she could just… go back to her life after that, with so many things left unsaid between them? If she really does love him, how could she? How could she go through life, knowing that the truest love she’s ever experienced is lightyears away, always watching, always with her, but unable to be physically present with her in a mortal, tangible way? It sounded like such a sad, lonely fate and my heart broke for both Sylvie and Loki as I thought about it.  

But then it dawned on me: wait a second… isn’t that what it’s like to be a Christian? Isn’t that the reality I’m living every day, as Christ’s bride? The weight of that realization was so heavy I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t breath. My savior loves me more than anything. He gave up everything for me, just like Loki did for Sylvie. I don’t even know how many rounds he went with the enemy on that cross, just to bargain for my soul. And what do I do about it? I shrug it off with a smile. I forget about it until it’s convenient. I go back to my job, my house, my car, my record store, as if every second of my life hasn’t been paid for by the blood, sweat, and tears of a God who just wants me to be ok. As if I could ever fool myself into believing a life without Him is enough for me. 

As if I shouldn’t be fighting like hell to get back to Him. As if love so amazing, so divine, doesn’t demand my life, my soul, my all. Just so you know, I teared up again writing that last paragraph.

A lot of people have pointed out the parallels that can be made between Loki and Sylvie and Adam and Eve. The comparison really does work in a lot of ways. A perfect likeness, a counterpart created for a lonely man because “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). One flesh, two halves of a whole. Equals, balancing and complementing each other perfectly. A couple chosen by a higher power to rule the universe with authority. There’s something edenic about that scene where they snuggle in the grass under that blanket together: a man and a woman, wrapped up in a garden of green, completely unguarded and vulnerable with each other. The man promises the woman his protection, and the woman shyly offers him her trust and thanks in return. 

When they make it to the Citadel at the End of Time, their parting echoes deeply of the fall. The serpent (He Who Remains) sows seeds of distrust between them, knowing full-well that they are stronger together and could easily overpower him if they remain united. The two halves are torn apart and turn on one another. The woman, in her thirst for freedom, takes control of the situation, and the man fails in his duty to stop her. Free will is unleashed into the world, and with it comes consequence and chaos and danger.         

If season 1 can be read as the journey from the garden to the fall, season 2 reads more like the journey from the fall to the cross. Chaos and confusion, spiraling slowly towards death and destruction. Constant distrust between the man and the woman, between God and his bride. An inability to reconcile, to fix what’s been broken. The citadel goes from being Eden to being Gethsemane. When every other option has been tried and all hope is lost, Loki returns to the moment of the fall and pleads with his love, over and over again, to make a different choice. But she will not stop rebelling, even though it leads to her death every time. 

Unable to reason with her, Loki confronts He Who Remains to bargain for her life. But there’s no option that doesn’t end in bloodshed. Loki must either kill Sylvie, the woman he loves, and go on committing genocide in HWR’s place. Or, he must break the temporal loom and let the chaos that ensues destroy all of reality. These, according to He Who Remains, are the only two choices. So Loki makes a third choice. Instead of sacrificing others for the multiverse, he makes a total sacrifice of himself. I think you can see where I’m going with this. 

It’s not lost on me how weird it is to compare Loki, a marvel super villain based off of a pagan norse god, to Jesus. But the crucifixion/ascension parallels here aren’t exactly subtle. Loki puts on a heavy crown, carries a great burden up a hill, and “dies” on a tree of all things, to save both the woman he loves and the group of friends he’s grown close with during his time at the TVA. His last words to his loved ones before he ascends are, “I know what kind of God I need to be, for you, for all of us.” When I think about the story in these parabolic terms, I’m almost overwhelmed by how much truth is woven into this mythology.  And yet, something about it still feels deeply unsettling to me. There’s still a piece missing that makes it feel more like a Greek tragedy than a Jewish parable. 

As they are, Loki Seasons 1 and 2 show me a reflection of the fall, the cross, and in some ways, the ascension of Jesus Christ. What they don’t show me is a picture of the resurrection. And any christian will tell you that the resurrection is the most vital part of the story (1 Corinthians 15:16-20). The series shows me sin and what it costs. They show me what is lost in sacrifice, but they don’t show me what is gained. The hero meets a fate worse then death, and is forced to remain there, alone, for all eternity. There are no tearful reunions at the tomb, no assurance that death has been defeated, no eucatastrophe. No curse reversed. God and man are forever separated, and for some reason that’s supposed to be beautiful, according to Marvel. It’s not. It’s a question mark, a gaping wound at the end of the story that offers no comfort. To live in that tension, that separation, in those three days between Christ’s death and his resurrection, is literally the most painful, most hopeless place for the human heart to dwell. But, maybe it’s a tension that we should sit in more often, so that we can appreciate the weight of what Christ did for us. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t really hate season 2 of Loki. It’s a beautifully crafted piece of art, well-written (sort of) and well-acted, with gorgeous production design and a deep, meaningful story at its core. What I hate, with every fiber of my being, is the thought that that is where the story ends. That it’s supposed to end there. That this ending is good. As a Christian, I almost can’t accept it. Everything in me screams that there has to be more resolution beyond the credits of the finale. 

That, I think, is where all the pain swirling in my heart around this story is really coming from. And whether they know it or not, I think that’s where a lot of the Loki fandom’s pain is coming from right now. The gospel is so written into our DNA that it pours itself out into every mythology we try to create. We are so desperate for the reassurance that the resurrection is true, that when we get even the slightest hint that it might not be, it triggers our deepest, darkest anxieties. Nothing scares me more than the thought of being alone, separated from God, for all eternity. Not even death is scarier, or more tragic, than that. It is, by definition, hell. 

So yeah. Curse you, Marvel. Curse you for telling me a story that hurts like hell, and expecting me to just be ok with it. For giving me an ending that could never, in any reality, be satisfying or conclusive, and then trying to gaslight me into believing that it is. For ensuring that I will probably end up buying a ticket for both Secret Wars and Kang Dynasty (even though I’m really tired of superhero movies) just so that I can see if I’m right, that love really does win in the end. I don’t really have any kind of expectation that the next two Avengers movies are going to give me the closure I’m looking for. But I think I know where I can find it.  

As grieved as I am by the way Marvel handled this story, I’m also kind of amazed by the way its incompleteness is revealing to me the total, satisfying completeness of the gospel. Marvel can’t promise me that, at the end of time, the God of Stories will be reunited with his warring bride and live happily ever after in the presence of his inner circle. But the gospel does. And the hope that I find there is immeasurable.

[indierocksong]

I just want us to ask ourselves as often as we can, what we are willing to sacrifice for the people of this world. what are you willing to risk, to give up, to change? how much personal comfort, how much money, how much social power/social stability, etc.

I think a lot about what is necessary to help the people in the Democratic Republic of the Congo - bc Free Congo yes but from what? because really, it's from us. our overconsumption of new tech, our obsession with it. will we be boycotting new tech together? changing our consumption habits? getting our electronics (phones, laptops, etc) fixed or getting them used instead of buying new? until children don't die for us to get the shiny new thingymabob?

so much solidarity will necessitate that kind of personal 'sacrifice' as it were, and some of it will be harder than just Not getting the new iphone. I hope that things are changing and as they do, we have to let go of this hyper individualistic attachment to personal comfort at any cost. don't want my personal comfort to come at expense of any person.

my fellow artists/creatives - if you do not make it clear that you make art for the people (as it were,) rest assured that it will be used against them. unfortunately our art does not exist in a vacuum of love and good vibes. we are complicit in many ways in so many unspeakable things. paying taxes to govts that fund genocide, countries that began with it, overconsumption habits at the expense of black and brown poeple globally, the list goes on. I think it's important that we make it clear where we stand.

idk what else to say I want this to come acorss earnestly - I just feel so heartbroken at the level of apathy everywhere. individualism that is unyielding and unwilling to sacrifice any personal comfort/capital. I am haunted by everything that could be done that isn't being done simply bc it is inconvenient. when the cost of it is tragedy beyond comprehension. the loss of innocent lives.

- leith ross, via IG stories, may 8th 2024.

[phantomrose96]

Hello sorry to barge in with the word vomit/ramble, just wanted to let you know that god. Oh my god. You dont know how many things you’ve uncovered in me.

I started reading like, yesterday afternoon due to an animation for this fic, dreading over the word-count. I thought I could just read a little to catch a grasp of the fic, then put it to the side when my interest dies, and then 12 hours of reading happened and now I’m sitting awake at 1 AM wondering what the fuck happened to my emotions.

Cause?? I just?? Adored it so much?? The writing is such an experience to read, you just nail every single detail that just immerses me into the current scene or event. The amount of details picked and imbedded are just enough to fully paint a picture while also not overwhelming me with information. It was a Joy to read, and shone whenever a revaluation and/or breakdown happens to a character (no plural, we know all know which one). The tension parts always shakes me over with anxiety (like the teru v ritsu 2, one of my favorites), the tiny and wholesome moments are so well described too?? You know what’s happening and you know your heart it not coming out unscathed but nope, you sit there and take the pain as now the characters are allowed a sense of comfort and you realize how much they needed it after watching their lives turn into a slow motion titanic scene.

AND THE CHARACTERS, the characterization is immaculate I swear. Its so different from what I’m used to in the best ways plus more. I love how mob is just a confused kid trying his best and reigen is just Some Guy who managed to completely tear down (or breach-) the emotional walls of every Kageyama kid in sight and just?? Let them know he’s there for them?? Let them be kids?? His interactions with Ritsu is so tragic cause Reigen will just not let go of the fact that Ritsu is fucking thirteen and does not need this much stress condensed in him (god bless burger scene, also a favorite). And Ritsu. He is so insane it makes me want to blow up a house (positive connotation). The dude is just a walking car wreck that is slowly parking at the edge of a cliff. Just the way he snaps in the most unhinged and self destructive ways makes me want to set him down in a pile of blankets, because child you are not leaving until you book a therapist appointment. Teru makes him 10x worst its comical, they just hate each other, barfs at eachothers presence but also they’d entrust their lives to the other’s no problem, what are worst enemies with slight fond attachments are for (Ritsu realizing he was manipulating Teru all along, naturally? A well aimed strike that rattled my core, incredible). Ritsu’s journey throughout the fic has been a sight to witness, from him being a emotionally stunted mess to an emotionally stunted, but now slightly considerate, mess. Character development.

This story has been an absolute delight to finish, and my thoughts will still run wild for about a week. I cannot thank you enough for writing this and sharing this to the world of ao3.

(ABoT)

fbjhfbj eating this review eating this eating this

I'm!!!! Okay to approach this in pieces.

>breakdown happens to a character (no plural, we all know which one)

we all know which one....

I'm just saying this could still be about literally ANY character named Ritsu in this story.

Also yes!!! Another Ritsu vs Teru v2 enjoyer!! I was so goddamn excited getting to that part of the story. The role inversion between Ritsu and Teru. The weight of Ritsu making this a spirit possession battle against Teru of all people, and that being why Ritsu is able to hold his own against Teru who is so much stronger than him.

And absolutely ABoT is all about the small wholesome moments, cuz each and every one of those are wrestled in tatters out of the jaw of tragedy and misery which, to me, makes them extra special. The absolute fighting tooth and nail for happiness and betterment.

>reigen is just Some Guy who managed to completely tear down (or breach-) the emotional walls of every Kageyama kid in sight and just?? Let them know he’s there for them?? Let them be kids??

yep yep yep the double-meaning of "Breach" in the title. Breach trust. Breach the barrier. The role of lies and the role of trust in that very core element of Mob's barrier.

And I really adored writing all the Ritsu and Reigen interactions because they are. just. the worst for each other. But also Reigen is who Ritsu needs. And that hard fight to save Ritsu happens in the form of screaming matches that destroy a McDonalds and the massive decimation of innocent Build-A-Bears. The burger scene is. SO near and dear to my heart.

>And Ritsu. He is so insane it makes me want to blow up a house (positive connotation).

Ritsu "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you wanna just go apeshit?" Kageyama. I love writing him as a foil against the Reigen and Mob plotline. Because both Reigen and Mob have been hurt, and their reponses are much more focused on how to heal themselves. Ritsu's been hurt (and Teru, too) and their responses are to lash out and hurt everything back. ABoT runs the whole spectrum of catharthis for just "You've been badly wronged. Wouldn't you just like to [heal] [have someone who cares] [seek revenge and destroy the world which destroyed you]?"

>(Ritsu realizing he was manipulating Teru all along, naturally? A well aimed strike that rattled my core, incredible)

I deeply loved writing the Teru and Ritsu plotline just every step of the way. And the hardest part was writing all the build up knowing the role-reversal was coming without tipping my hand--the part where Ritsu would surpass Teru in awfulness, where it would become Teru desperately clinging to morals and trying his hardest to stop Ritsu. And this all starts with the pivot in ch31 as Ritsu realizes he IS in a position to take advantage of Teru... because Teru sees him as a friend.

fkjfdnkjfddf thank you for this review! I'm eating it I'm eating it. You're talking about so many of the things that make me feral for this story and why I wrote it in the first place. It's the trauma it's the healing it's the character development it's the character regression it's the beating your bestie to death on a soccer field it's the taking a traumatized kid to get ramen it's the mindless destruction of a Build-A-Bear Workshop it's the manipulation it's the trying to do better it's the idea that self-sacrifice doesn't actually save the people around you who need you it's the different ways tragedy affects people it's the lighting a corpse on fire then slashing your own throat it's the adopting a kitten named Socks it's the corruption it's the possession it's the cursed Jade Statue that just follows you everywhere for no reason

[myalonyalala]

Nobody ask me, i ask my self hehe

0. 153cm

1. 22

2. 37/38

3. No

4. Yes

5. No

6. Sometimes ppl think im 18 (just bcs im small)

7. No

8. No

9. Yes

10. No

11. My best friend, well i have some. Vale, Rahma, Delah, Ivan ... Actually i hv more but they were on my different level of trust so ...

12. Single and not looking for any bf

13. Inteligence

14. Hubris

15. TITANIC (1997) is my fav movie and comfort movie!!!!! (I get too attached to the tragedy, idk why)

16. I'll love you ... If you have finally know and understand yourself first. And love yourself more than you love me, and ... Hmm loyal, can be trusted, not abusive ... Yeah thats a lot

17. I miss ... Jacks 😭 ik its a fictional character but yeah ... Hes on my brain everyday im not thinking about anything else

18. My father abused me when i was child ... Physically and mentally. I still hv nightmare about it. Its a verry long story

19. Fact about my personality ... I act like i love to be alone but i think maybe it was bcs my parents neglect me when i was child, so maybe its not bcs i love to be alone, im just used to it.

20. I hate the fact that i have this intrusive thoughts and a bit suicidal

21. I love me bcs im ... I wouldnt say im strong bcs im still alive here. But maybe bcs finally i can defence my self againts my father or anybody else who try to like manipulate ir exploitate me or smthg. I can find a word ... But ppl like to controll other ppl to get what they want and sometimes its form is manipulation and exploitation.

22. I hv a lot of dream tbh. I always wanted to be a writer. And i want to be forensic psychologist. Well thats for now

23. I have 2 yiung sister and 1 young brother. We are verry close and protect each other from our "sometimes" abusive parent

24. I wont answer

25. Hm i really want to try dancing and running on a grass with this special person. Wearing nice dress, swinging, laughing, look at the sky ...

26. I dont have pet

27. Well since i only like Jacks for now. So the desc is, he has blue eyes ... Ice blue eyes(?), he is cold, he has golden hair but sometimes it turned blue. I love both. He has sharp jaw, he is tall, and he was a fate.

28. I dislike ... No one. When i dont like something its used to be hate. I never dislike. Its always hate

29. Lie ... I rarely lying. I dont like thinking about something unimportant (for example: lying) whyd i have to lie? Like for me, lying is like infesting on problems and overthink in the future. I rarely lie, so i dont remember.

30. What i hate about my school, is sometimes my teacher (on HS) is not showing their responsibilities as a teacher.

31. My last message: "i want ramen, btw" to my best friend

32. Hm .. "do you think by telling everyone that i hit you, you will get symphaty from them? No, they only will know they can do the same to you" - my father when i was 13

33. You can make mistakes but also you can make it better later. Thats fine

34. What i find attractive about women is when they're support to another woman

35. What i find about man is their softness when the speaks, kindness, dll

36. I want to live in findland or maybe swiss

37. I feel insecure aboutttt my thoughts. The intrusive one and my nervous system. It isnt normal

38. I want to be a painter and a writer

39. Vanilla ice cream

40. I wish i could be a better and wiser person. And be myself freely

41. I wish im on my work r n. Bcs im just graduated but not officially so i cant look for jobs yet

42. I ate cake. My mom sell cake

43. JACKS. WHO ELSE?!

44. Random funfact that maybe not that fun ... About Titanic. The engineer on Titanic still working even when the ship half-drawn to make sure the electricity and light keep turn on. Sorry for bad word choices. This isnt my first language. Ok, the engineer need to make sure that the electricity still on so the crew on the upper deck can send SOS (CDQ). Oh, and the moon ... So i read on book that on April, it suppossedly the ice is not on the shipping lane. But it was. Bcs the moon is on its closest distance with earth and make a big wave that big enough to cut big ice on finland or something and brought it to shipping lane. Yes

nosy anons let's go

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY SEVENTEEN

This entry is gonna be about what brought me to Tumblr. I only joined recently, this year (2023). I ended up creating a profile after watching Crime Scene: The Vanishing at Cecil Hotel.

I never knew about it before, but ended up learning a lot about the hotel itself, its history, and all of the tragic events that took place behind closed doors.

It's hauntingly intriguing, this docuseries, especially when it told the unfortunate story of Elisa Lam.

As you watch the episodes, it starts Elisa's segment with a post she made on here. She talked about how people can be themselves on Tumblr. She talked about writing candidly. Both of these things immediately caught my attention. She also talked about people hearing your random thoughts and how satisfying it felt to click "publish." Her blog apparently explored an array of topics giving me the impression that she, amongst many others, felt comfortable with raw expression here.

Truth is, this little blog of mine could've started and ended with those positive remarks about the website, but anyone who has watched this show knows there's so much more to it than that - and it all left quite an impression on me.

The viewers end up finding out that there isn't a happy ending for the young Elisa. There's no denying the misfortune that crossed her path, or the fact that the sting of it still lingers today. For anyone that may be unaware, an innocent traveler went missing for quite some time before she was found deceased.

For those who have watched it though, we can all agree episodes filled to the brim with information about the Cecil Hotel, Skid Row, Elisa Lam's tragedy, and the events surrounding all of the visitors and residents over the years makes for quite an experience as a viewer, especially when you see it with your own eyes.

As the show explores Elisa's story, the possible contributing factors to her unfortunate death initially mentioned are:

-the hotel itself having a dark energy

-paranormal activity

-illegal drug usage

-neglecting medications that eventually led to psychosis

-government conspiracy

-assault and murder

-employee wrongdoing accompanied by a cover-up

-plain and simple tragic accident

To this day, people still read and respond to her blog. People still theorize what might have taken place during those final hours of her life. It was almost surreal watching all of this. Lots to go through, lots to uncover.

I couldn't help but notice how the general public and social media influencers flocked to Elisa. No judgment of course, I was one of them. I just wanted to explore that a little more out of curiosity. It was obviously captivating to all of us, but why? What makes us get so involved in these stories that we attach ourselves to complete strangers like loved ones? I'm not saying it's wrong. Just wanting to dissect it a bit to see how it works.

So why do we spend so much time and effort getting emotionally and mentally invested? NEEDING to know the outcome, NEEDING to find the solution for someone we've never met. Again, no judgment but perhaps proof that we are social creatures indeed. Moving forward, I have questions.

1.) Do we want more out of life with an independent investigation giving us that very element?

2.) Do we get a sense of purpose and accomplishment from the participation?

3.) Do we want to see justice prevail because we can sympathize or empathize?

4.) Do we feel connected to the subject after being led to a social media account with multiple, honest and relatable posts?

5.) Do we simply just get drawn in by the mystery of it all?

6.) Maybe any combination of all that's listed above?

The possibilities are endless but I am curious about stuff like this because as scary and as jarring as these types of stories are, we eat them up. I just randomly felt like exploring because the way the human mind works fascinates me sometimes.

While the human mind can fascinate me, the human state can break my heart. Seeing all the suffering on Skid Row was hard. I heard about it, but I admit I really didn't know until I saw it. After becoming a mother, I don't see people in the same light. Everyone is someone's son, someone's daughter. Not that they weren't before, hard to explain. It was also heartbreaking to see tourists happy to visit America, and then having rotten experiences if they even survive the visit. Our country has so much more and so much better to offer...

Parallels, synchronicities, theories, conspiracies, mysteries, and... accusations. I felt sorry for the musician who was accused of hurting Elisa because of the ways in which he expressed himself. Sure, it was dark, but are we all killers for enjoying dark books, movies, music, and/or clothing? He had his life disrupted but I hope he finds strength and comfort in each day that's further away from this particular time period in his life. Hope he has moved on the best he can.

What an emotional roller coaster it was! Circling back to Miss Elisa, if the outcome is accepted or not, it was a bittersweet event. Bitter because she's no longer with us but sweet because her writings have reached hundreds, if not thousands of people, helping them to feel heard and understood, simply by sharing her thoughts. What a gift to leave behind for people to discover. Still, I think we can all agree the preferred outcome was her returning home safely from a fun trip, inspiring her to continue to write.

Leaving us all to ponder and reflect in its wake, we finish the docuseries with yet another wonderful post from Elisa Lam.

"Tumblr, I am so grateful I found you. You remind me the world is big and I have a place in it somewhere."

It does feel nice to have a place to express ourselves, doesn't it? It feels nice to be heard and to have a safe space in general. However, we should also strive to provide this to one another in real life. The internet is always great for going global, but we shouldn't neglect the life in front of us, nor the lives in front of us, including our own.

Elisa also said, "We can be empathetic here. Remind people you are human. If you just listen, you will understand more." I conclude with that.

More thoughts later.

[romy350-romyakari]

If you're doing "random asks to get to know you better", who is your favorite character from any fandom you like and why?

well

making me chose is really hard so

there are two categories with me

My children and OH

I can't chose to save my light an absolute favorite between all the media, so I will pick one from some fandoms to represent.

so let's get to it

Let's start with My Children that I end adopting through all these years

Gula [Kingdom Heart]: My son, you lonely boy. I grew attached to him over my time super analyzing Back Cover and I am not strong not to stop tearing up any time I re watch those last scenes. I like what I may think I know of him but his way to handle social interactions is kind of what I found fascinating but I also want to tell him all will be alright. I will cry when I get to fight him in the next Saga.

Neku Sakuraba [TWEWY]: I saw this boy grow through all the game I am so proud of him and he is between the few that are not got to connect to other than not in my top lists of children lol. He is a joy to see how he learned so much that A New Day broke me and I yet have to go to NEO for him. I that nice feeling on know he is doing better if we count till end of OG TWEWY and I ignore NEO till it's time and that is fine with me.

Zack Fair [Final Fantasy Crisis Core]: THE GOODEST BOY, do I need to explain? he is just that nice he won his spot pretty easy, ahh the tragedy he had to see unfold... but really I appreciate the goofball he is. Crisis Core has that interesting spot even if all I did was watch for the whole experience.

Asmodeus Alice [Mairimashita! Iruma-kun]: Round of applause for the newest addition to the list, this was hard because I adore Iruma but it would be kind of like picking another just good boy but with Azz-kun there is a bit more that I can mention. He can go from serious guy to bright eye boy over his friends and is so earnest but also has a sharp sense to look after them I just grew fond of him over time and how he cherishes this connection, is not that he was like Neku but more like once he got the chance he just went with it and I have fun when he is on the scenes. A good one for sure!

Grim [Twisted Wonderland]: there was a debate in my head between put Silver or Grim here, needles to say the cat won 🤣. Yes, out of everyone, the cat. He may be a little gremlin but I am just taking care of this gremlin in game from beginning to end I guess. There is something endearing about this little ball of chaos I am just accepting he is somehow here. So sorry Silver

and now to my probably most particular category

OH

aka I have preference and those are slightly telling but the list is too big so I will just list the current ones because that is better that effective than repost the self explanatory call out meme I made of myself

Simeon [Obey me!]: Some of you may have already know, but yeah I just feel certain comfort and he is nice and sweet and had his bit of mystery hat always just pokes at my curiosity! I grew fond of him really quick and look at me going or the 3 year and fighting the game for him. I can say is just how he is has bring a lot of reactions while reading and I love the fuzzy feeling as it is a comfort to me, totally an OH. I adore the kind of character he is and I have a lot of fun stories to tell maybe one for this day of him and my MC on a later date, inspire a lot for sure!

Lilia Vanrouge [Twisted Wonderland]: OK, listen. HE is the most fun I had reading such a chaotic by chance character is is cute a heck. I think is the fun vibes and the mystery again that just made me go OH. I am pleasantly surprised and totally happy about this

Honorary mentions of this category in my tags

[danpuff-ao3]

HP Astro #6: Regulus Black

Oh joy! Regulus is my first blank slate character to build and explore. No known birthday, place, or time.

Some time ago, I rolled my astrology dice, which placed him at Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, and I'm rather attached to the idea! I see many of the Blacks as being water signs. So I needed to find when during Cancer season the moon was in Virgo in 1961 (my year of choice.)

Sadly, I forgot the original rising sign I'd rolled, and didn't have access to my dice when pulling this chart. I had a few signs in mind, so I input a random time with the idea of working towards one of them. Only the first time I input gave me Leo rising, which I initially shied away from.

Until I remembered: Regulus is a star in the Leo constellation.

So then I was sold.

As a Leo Rising, Regulus is magnetic. He shines. The rest of his chart implies a more reserved demeanor, but however quiet he may be, there is just something about Regulus that draws people in. Our ascendant is what people see, and how we react to our environment. In Leo, this tells of drama and regality.

Regulus, meaning "little king"; the lion, king of the jungle; Regulus, a star in Leo.

Life is a stage for Leo Risings; for Regulus, he is the star of a great tragedy. The spare of the Black family. Sirius, the rebel, was heir. The focus of his parents' attention as firstborn, then as the troublemaker. Leo is warmth, generosity, idealism, and honor. These lovely traits aimed to make the Black family proud. And however much he shined, he had his brother's shadow to contend with.

Regulus was good. He was Sorted into Slytherin, as was right. He joined the Quidditch team. Best of all, he took the great step towards the Dark Lord, and made his parents proud. Leo idealism, and bravery...that would ultimately be his doom.

A tragic hero, remember?

But there's more to his story than that, and more to Regulus himself.

Leo Rising marks the Sun as chart ruler. The Sun: self, ego, core. What makes Regulus himself is all the more prominent with Leo Rising, and it tells us that Regulus is very honest in a way. What you see with Regulus, is what you get.

Regulus' sun is in the Eleventh House: the House of Friendship. This is the place for organizations, and humanitarianism. Say what you will about the Dark Lord's cause, it was a cause, and it was one Regulus wholeheartedly believed in. The Death Eaters were a group, a place of belonging. That's what motivated Regulus. Belonging, contributing.

His sun is in Cancer: comfort, home, family. Sensitive and protective. The crab's hard outer shell an armor for its soft heart. There is a need to guard themselves, and those they love. Regulus has family pride in spades; it is the core of who he is. The family he was born into (the Blacks), and the family he chose (the Death Eaters.) He is sentimental; a care for family heirlooms, photo albums, the family estate. Also letters from friends, tickets from his first Quidditch game. Regulus is reserved, though; secretive. The best defense is to hide one's soft spots.

It is telling, to me, that Regulus has the two luminaries so prominent in his chart. Leo, ruled by the Sun; Cancer, ruled by the Moon. Sun as the chart ruler, in Cancer. The moon in a loose conjunction with his ascendant. The bright warmth of the sun, the soothing coolness of the moon.

So where is the moon? The First House: the House of Self. Moon represents mother; this indicates Walburga likely had a big influence in Regulus' life. With Cancer Sun and First House Moon, I can imagine Regulus adored his mother more than anyone. Perhaps she doted on him; perhaps she used his love for her benefit.

The prominence of lunar energy also indicates moodiness, exacerbated, I imagine, by the Leonine dramatics. But his moon is a Virgo Moon: order, perfection, service. Peace is found in routine. Fulfillment found in his usefulness. He is loyal to a fault, and hardworking; willing to go the mile for the benefit of others.

He is critical, he has high standards, he's a perfectionist. Emotions are examined through an analytical lens. He is wary; reserved with his emotions. The lunar energy makes him nurturing, but is channeled through Virgo's fussiness; it brings to mind a mother hen type figure.

The relationship between his Big Three (sun, moon, and rising) is unmistakable. Ascendant conjunct moon; sun as the chart ruler, in the sign of Cancer; moon in the first house. Regulus' sense of self is heavily influenced by intense emotions, and connection to others. Moon: nurturing, Eleventh House: collective, Leo: idealism and bravery, Cancer: family-oriented, Virgo: service. This all comes together into a person with a desire to help, and the ability to do so; the ability to connect with others on an emotional level, to intuitively see what they are dealing with.

But it's a double-edged sword. However reserved Regulus is, he can't hide from others as well as he would like to. Leo Rising means what others perceive of him, is too close to the truth, to the core of him. Conjunct moon means he wears his heart on his sleeve. Regulus gives too much away to anyone looking close enough.

It is likely the Dark Lord knew all the right things to say to reel Regulus in. And by the end, Regulus saw enough of the Dark Lord to uncover the truth. With his blinders gone, Regulus changed course; ever-determined to do what was right, to honor his beliefs, and in the aid of others.

What of the other inner planets? Mercury, Venus, and Mars?

Mercury, planet of information, colored by Cancer. Thoughtful, and sensitive, in communicating with others, but can also tend towards defensiveness. An interest in family history. Is more motivated to learn when he is emotionally attached to the subject. In the Eleventh House; Regulus has a way of dealing with others, and appealing to their emotions. And he thrives in this social interaction.

Venus, planet of relationships, in Gemini; he's a social butterfly. He enjoys interacting with others (air, social), and experiencing new things (mutable, change.) Regulus is curious about others. He is charming and dynamic, which draws others to him. But what draws Regulus to others is whether they can intellectually and socially stimulate him. In the Tenth House (House of Social Status), this shows his connections are what help him in his ambitions. It was connection to others, befriending the wrong people, that brought him to the Dark Lord's door.

Mars, planet of action and aggression, in Virgo the Perfectionist: Regulus has a plan of action for all things. He does his research. He takes his time. He is goal-oriented, and driven by his need to serve others. In the First House, this makes him direct and straightforward. Enterprising. He doesn't wait around; once he is sure of what he wants and what he is doing, he moves forward. There is an aggressive tint to the otherwise humble Virgo nature; a sort of pride in his humility.

Venus squares Mars spells stress in his romantic and sexual life. It also screams passion, even infatuation; perhaps a tumultuous love affair. Remember: life is a stage (Leo rising); Regulus is consumed by the drama of it. Overtaken by the emotion. This can be channeled into creative pursuits.

Which leads to an even more interesting point, to me: Regulus is very creative. Venus square Mars, Leo Rising -- the height of passion and drama. Neptune (planet of dreams and inspiration) in the Third House (House of Communication, Learning, Intellect), points to creative pursuits, likely in speech or writing. The influence of the moon and Cancer, giving an intense and emotional lean. Taking into account his reserved nature, he probably feels a need to express himself safely, such as in art. Perhaps his creative pursuits help him hide more; the excess purged into another form, for safekeeping.

Maybe there is a journal somewhere, chronicling the life as Black family spare, the politicking of his peers, a great love affair, his grand cause, uncovering an awful truth, and his plans of betrayal. Maybe someone will find it one day, long after his death, and learn who Regulus Black really was.

And we can look back, and imagine what Regulus might have become had he lived. It is likely he'd have joined the Order, in a need to belong to a group, his need for a cause, his need to be of service. He would have thrown himself and all of his resources into what he needed to do. A quiet, diligent figure in Order meetings. A bold, skillful warrior on the battlefield. A passionate, curious, creative, nurturing lover.

Thank goodness for fandom: the space and ability to explore what might have been. And doesn't Regulus deserve a second chance?

See also: Astrology Introduction | Severus Snape | Harry Potter | Draco Malfoy | Sirius Black

[wander-wren]

let me go through this one line by line rq. i did talk more about wolfwood and rollo in a different branch of this post, but it was less well-written/thought out bc i did it more on the fly so let’s not worry too much about it. also, disclaimer, i love all of these guys, especially vash, and that’s why i’m being a little mean to him right now. dude’s complicated. ALSO this is only based on stampede, i do not know enough about the original story yet to comment.

i will also acknowledge that this steps pretty close to some real-world issues/debates/etc that are very important to me, so i care perhaps more than i should.

anyway! let’s break this down.

“rollo didnt want to die though. yeah i know wolfwood says it was mercy. wolfwood is projecting”

maybe, and also yes. crucially, we don’t KNOW what rollo wants. wolfwood IS projecting onto him, but equally vash is imposing what he wants, not what rollo wants, because rollo literally does not speak except to say vash’s name and once, his own. his younger self seems pretty attached to the idea of living, yes, but it’s been more than a decade since then (i’m not sure how old rollo is meant to be, but i wouldn’t say more than 8).

he has been modified and turned into a monster, he apparently drove out or killed his entire town, and it’s unclear if he’s been isolated in the village for a while or if he only arrived recently—my headcanon is the former, especially since the success of wolfwood, livio, and elendira would’ve rendered him an outdated model, but they could have still used him. regardless, he’s hardly living a normal or happy life. given his limited speech, it’s not even clear if he has the same level of cognitive function he used to—he definitely doesn’t have the education or socialization of you average 20-year-old.

i’m not advocating for killing rollo at all. i’m just saying we don’t KNOW what he wants. in an ideal world he would have been taken somewhere safe, treated like a person, and made as comfortable as possible while they worked out how to communicate with him and figure out what he actually wants. but they do not have the resources or the time for that, wolfwood and vash are both very biased, and rollo is semi-invulnerable and trying really hard to kill them.

i’m not really sure there’s another way for that story to end, honestly. and that’s the tragedy of it.

“i do agree vash does impose his will on other people, to a degree that’s not a million miles off from knives’s bullshit. and yes vash is also a hypocrite - he can forgive anyone but himself.”

cool! 👍 again, i’m not saying vash is bad and evil, or even that he’s not good. he’s just a guy with 150 years of trauma doing his best, but the thing about unresolved trauma is you don’t always make the best decisions.

“but vash does not want to use people. he wants them to have autonomy so they can choose for the better. and death is a denial of autonomy.”

okay, this is the one where i’m a little less nice. i agree that vash doesn’t consciously want to use people, objectify them, put his needs above theirs—that’s his brother’s deal. i do, however, think he’s so desperate to not have anymore blood on his hands that he is willing to “use” people to get to that end, and he isn’t even aware of that. hurt people do this all the time, when their pain and fear and suffering is so great that all they can focus on is trying to mitigate it, and they completely steamroll “the right thing to do.”

we haven’t seen vash do this yet, really, at least in stampede. i’m being purely hypothetical. i’m saying i see this instinct in him, in his actions, and it only hasn’t happened yet because this is a fictional story and he’s the protagonist and there isn’t really time to explore this yet. vash is also very willing to use himself, his health, and his wellbeing in the exact same way, which also separates him from knives.

i agree that vash wants people to have autonomy. sort of. he never says this that i remember, he’s a lot more focused on their right to be alive (also very necessary), but it’s in line with his belief system so yeah, for sure.

here’s the thing, though: so they can choose for the better? where is this coming from? the only thing i can think of is luida and the “flora” project, but it’s meryl and roberto who learn about that. vash presumably knows, but i don’t think he ever mentions it. meryl is the one who argues (with zazie and conrad) that humanity can be better, with time.

vash doesn’t want people to be free and safe so they can choose to be better. he wants people to be free and safe because they are people. and also because he can’t stand the idea of having more blood on his hands. he also does want them to be better, true (see: nebraska, rollo, nai, wolfwood), but that’s not his primary motive.

because really, “better?” who is vash, who are any of us, to decide what’s “better,” or that the only people who deserve to live are those who are working towards it? vash’s whole fuckin’ deal is that he doesn’t kill anyone, no matter how bad they are. he’s not out here weighing their goddamn ability to redeem themselves. ironically, this is a deeply (culturally) christian way of thinking, in a story where vash is allegory jesus, one of the most misinterpreted guys of all time.

finally, death as a denial of autonomy? mm, no. here’s the thing about autonomy: it allows people to do “bad things” to themselves. assisted suicide, regular suicide—that is autonomy at work. keeping someone alive against their will is a denial of autonomy. that’s not to say you shouldn’t try to help a suicidal person, because damn, please do that, but also: people have just as much a right to die as a right to live.

we’re not even talking about vash anymore, i got sidetracked. my point here is that we never actually see vash in this situation, due to the nature of the story. we never see him forcing someone to be alive that no longer wants to, etc (except himself, potentially). what i’m saying is, based on what we are shown, i think there’s a good chance he would in the right circumstances.

vash is a good guy. he’s not out here running around thinking that other people’s wants and needs are less than his own. but he’s got a big gaping hole in him and he’s very good at justifying the ways he tries to fill it. just because it hasn’t gone badly so far doesn’t mean it can’t in the future.

was talking last night about nai’s obsessive tendencies and the way he views everyone, even vash and tesla, as an object. he keeps tesla alive, in pieces, immediately after the fall and presumably for the next 150 years given all the technology he has, despite the fact that killing her would be kinder, just because he wants her. he nearly leaves vash a hollow shell of a creature just because he would rather that than a vash he can’t keep close.

he’s selfish and cruel and so isolated from the world that what he wants is more important than what anyone else wants.

but also…

vash has a little bit of that tendency in him, too. we saw it with rollo especially, and a bit with livio and the sand steamer—though those ones worked out for him in the end. vash is so full of guilt over the idea of killing anyone, even indirectly, that he will keep them alive to spare himself the grief.

and that’s a nobler pursuit, and i think a lot of people also instinctively don’t want to think about death being a mercy sometimes, but it’s still going to get vash in trouble if it hasn’t already in the last century.

i think it’s interesting, too, in light of the fact that vash himself is sort of passively suicidal at times. he’s pretty close to immortal, but he has no sense of care for his own wellbeing. vash doesn’t believe he deserves to live, but i don’t think he believes he deserves to die yet, either. which implies a double standard in his belief system—death is too good for him, but a tragedy for other people.

“an independent must fix what an independent has done. this is my atonement.”