#that's still part of him!!! how does he cope!!!!??

[torglives]

"I'm sorry I don't seem to be the person you're looking for." "No yeah I.. I'll keep looking. Thank you."

i have a lot of things to say about realms pangi tonight (as usual) but i'll try to keep it concise. on his grief, on his coping mechanisms, and on his healing.

pangi has already grieved pili. he's disguised it under layers of vengeful plans and cartoon-villain monologues, but he's already arrived at the final stage of grief, and all he needed was the confirmation that this pili isn't his. isn't theirs. he's come to terms with the fact that he's gone.

i want to say that he's healing, but that's not entirely true yet. there will be a period where pangi denies in that way of his--not by believing that New Pili is Old Pili, but by immediately trying to move forward. quite literally by erasing the physical remanents of their friendship, and getting ros to fill-in the book in his place. he's trying to cover the open wound by painting it before it can get the chance to close. that isn't healthy! it's going to fall apart one way or another, and he's going to have to approach it again, but more gently. he has to come to terms with the fact that pili can be a memory, even if another version of him is living and breathing. pangi has to accept that no matter how angry he is at how it all ended, how shitty pili was to him, he can still miss him. he can hold onto the memories he has of him and let ros in at the same time.

pangi, as a character, is unable to linger. he feels the need to jump from thing to thing, never giving himself the proper time to sit and process. when his worst fear is proven, when he is shown that he isn't wanted or needed somewhere--he shuts down the part of himself that was trying to be wanted and needed. his way of 'staying on top of it all' is just adding another layer. he buries it under something new, and tries to forget about it and barrel onto the next thing. it never works.

as he said, he'll keep looking. instead of accepting that the spot he's carved out for pili has gone empty, he immediately tries to find someone to fill it. he hasn't entirely accepted that nobody fits that shape, and that ros cannot fill that spot. he does not believe in coexistence. i don't think this means he's stuck in an endless cycle of trying to find something to latch onto, though. i think pangi has people who will help pull him out of this loop, and i think today he took the first steps to slow it all down.

by letting go of that residual anger surrounding his death, by accepting ros' friendship and letting himself be honest with her, by teaming up with aimsey, by getting closer with hannah and bad, by letting himself admit that pili is truly gone-- he's healing. slowly and messily, as a griever does. he's getting there. he'll never be how he once was, or look at a cornflower the same way, but he's taking the initiative to be happy again. a stranger will continue to walk the realm with the body of someone he gave everything to, someone he loved, and it will hurt. but he has people who love him just as much as he aches, and eventually that will dilute the hurt. i think it already has.

[aventurineswife]

Hello! Hope you're doing well!

So I sorta got rejected for Valentine's this year :cc so I was wondering if I could ask for Aventurine, Phainon, Dan Heng and maybe also Anaxa helping the reader with cope with rejection

Hope you're having a good day! Please take your time!! 🫶

Every Closed Door Leads to a New Beginning

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Phainon x Reader, Dan Heng x Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Rejection, Healing, Emotional Support, Slow Burn, Self-Discovery, Inner Strength, Self-Worth, Healing Journey.

Warnings: Mentions of rejection, Emotional vulnerability, Mild angst.

A/N: I'm so sorry to hear that 🫂 (sorry for the late response too😔🙏)

Tagslist: @themiddletenmasibling

Aventurine had seen countless deals collapse, empires crumble, and fortunes shift with the flick of a wrist. Rejection was just another spin of the wheel, an inevitable part of the game. But when he found you curled up in quiet devastation, he realized—this wasn’t just a failed wager to you. This was real, raw, and deeply personal.

He sighed, leaning against the edge of the table where you sat, hands folded in your lap. “Ah, rejection,” he mused, tilting his head dramatically. “A bitter drink, isn’t it? Like ordering the finest wine and finding it’s corked.”

You didn’t respond, only staring at your hands. The silence was an answer in itself. Aventurine’s usual smirk softened as he observed you—he could read people like open ledgers, and right now, you were on the verge of shattering.

“Tell me, darling,” he said, lowering himself to sit beside you, “what makes this so unbearable? Did you truly lose, or did you just not get the outcome you expected?”

You swallowed. “Does it matter? It still hurts.”

Aventurine clicked his tongue. “Of course it matters. If you lost, then you grieve and move on. But if it was only an outcome you didn’t anticipate, then all that’s changed is the direction of the wind.”

You shot him a glare. “So what? I should just pretend I don’t feel anything?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, no, my dear. Feel it. Wallow in it, if you must. But don’t let it define you.” His fingers ghosted over yours, deliberate yet light. “You know, if I let every rejection—every ‘bad hand’—dictate my life, I’d still be groveling in the dirt, licking the boots of men who never deserved my loyalty.”

You looked up, startled by his uncharacteristic sincerity. He smiled, but this time, it wasn’t sharp or teasing. It was something… quieter.

Aventurine stood, brushing imaginary dust off his coat. “Come,” he offered, holding out his hand. “I’ll teach you a lesson more valuable than gold—how to turn rejection into opportunity.”

“…And if I don’t want to?”

His grin returned, brighter now. “Then I’ll simply stay here, bothering you with endless metaphors and tragic poetry until you beg for mercy.”

A small, reluctant smile broke through your sadness, and Aventurine knew—he’d won this round.

Phainon found you standing alone, the weight of rejection pressing down on you like an unseen force. Your shoulders were tense, your breathing uneven, and he knew—he recognized the look of someone fighting to keep their heart from crumbling.

Without a word, he stepped beside you, his presence warm and steady. “You don’t have to talk,” he said gently. “But if you do, I’ll listen.”

You hesitated before finally whispering, “I wasn’t enough.”

Phainon’s brows furrowed. “That’s not true.”

You let out a bitter laugh. “How would you know?”

He turned slightly, eyes searching yours. “Because rejection doesn’t mean you lack worth. It only means this wasn’t the path meant for you.” His voice carried an unwavering kindness, a softness that wrapped around you like a shield against the pain.

You exhaled shakily. “It still hurts.”

Phainon nodded. “Of course it does.” He reached for your hand, squeezing it gently. “But you’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to grieve. Just don’t believe, even for a second, that this defines you.”

You looked down, squeezing his hand back. “How do you deal with it?”

He smiled wistfully. “I remind myself that my worth isn’t determined by someone else’s acceptance. And when that’s not enough… I turn to those who see me for who I truly am.”

You met his gaze, and in that moment, you realized—Phainon saw you. Not as someone rejected, but as someone strong, someone deserving of love and understanding.

“Thank you,” you murmured.

Phainon’s smile grew, bright and unwavering. “Always.”

Dan Heng wasn’t one to offer words freely, but he noticed the way your movements had lost their usual energy, the way your eyes seemed dimmer. He didn’t ask. He didn’t pry. Instead, he simply placed a cup of tea beside you and sat down, his presence solid and unwavering.

You stared at the tea, then at him. “You heard, didn’t you?”

He nodded.

“…And?”

Dan Heng took a slow sip of his own tea before speaking. “It isn’t the end.”

You scoffed. “Sure feels like it.”

His gaze remained steady. “It’s not.”

Silence stretched between you, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was… grounding. You found yourself tracing the rim of the cup, trying to gather your thoughts. “Why does it hurt so much?”

Dan Heng set his tea down. “Because you cared.” His voice was quiet but firm. “Because you invested a piece of yourself into something that didn’t return the way you hoped.”

You clenched your jaw. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

He looked at you for a long moment before answering, “Heal.”

You let out a shaky breath. “And if I don’t know how?”

Dan Heng shifted slightly, as if considering his words carefully. Then, he spoke with a certainty that made your chest ache.

“Then let me help.”

You blinked, caught off guard by the raw sincerity in his voice. Dan Heng wasn’t one for grand gestures or excessive reassurances, but this—this was real.

His presence alone was enough to remind you that even in rejection, you weren’t alone.

And for now, that was enough.

[spinchip]

I'm unwell. The Ice Emperor loves Vex. How do you cope after everything? How does Zane deal with that- the abrupt, forceful knowledge that the person you love most in the world hurt you so so badly? That the only reason you love them is because they took everything from you? His family was taken from him, and all there was for him to hold onto was Vex. His family is back, and Vex is still there. In his mind. He misses him.

Zane hates Vex. But there's a piece of him, some small part way down deep in his code, that wants to hear his voice again.

[akuma-tenshi]

the way dislyte's writing treats falken annoys me so much bc it's literally just like. "before sander came into his life he was a wreck. he'd taught himself that he could only rely on himself and had to be vigilant and strong at all times. this was a bad way to live and it is a good thing that sander found him and brought him out of poverty and helped his family so he wouldn't have to live like that anymore." and i'll be nodding and smiling and agreeing with them like "fuck man that's rough i'm glad he finally found room to rest and breathe and let his guard down a little"

and then they'll turn around and go "so when sander betrayed him, he realised he had to be vigilant and on-edge so that he'll never be betrayed again. and this is good because he is now a commander in the esper union and his vigilance will protect him and his comrades and the only downside is that he is a little unapproachable and lonely. yep yep yep this is good he is in a very good place mentally."

like maybe i'm just a pessimist but. that can't be good for him, right?? i can't be the only person who looks at his divinate's description (word for word: "Falken took his old friend's betrayal more as a warning than as a shock. The heavens may be vast, but one cannot ignore the ground beneath one's feet. Not letting even a sliver of evil cloud his vision, the hawk examines his surroundings dispassionately, lets not a single grain of sand go unobserved.") and goes "that's not a healthy mindset", right???? like he may believe this is good and right and that this outlook is good, but he's also never really been in a place where he could have his walls down until sander came. it really does feel like he's reverting back to the survival tactics he'd learned pre-union, when he was taking on everything people threw at him just to survive, but now the game's acting like it's a good thing because now he's with the union or whatever.

sure, in this world you have to be vigilant at times to make sure you don't get fucking murdered by miramon or whatever. but like... not all the time. how is he when there isn't a single threat?? how is he during leisure time?? at gatherings?? at night when he's trying to sleep?? from what we see of him, he's still somewhat tense, just not with any threats to justify that tension. most fics i've read have treated this as some kind of harmless quirk, as does the writing (if it's not outright romanticising it), but like,, this is genuinely a harmful mindset, especially if left unchecked.

like..... i'm not insane, right?? i'm not losing my mind for no reason over this random-ass 4-star?? it's so unbelievably frustrating bc i feel like this is such an obvious aspect of falken but i haven't seen ANYONE talk about it beyond, again, just some kind of small quirk to his character and not the absolutely awful unhealthy coping mechanism it is.

idk man. smash like for more cool epic falken content or whatever. it's just insane bc he's my favourite character in the game but i haven't seen many people talk abt him beyond his looks or his relationship with sander. which is,, fine, sander's a major part of his story ((can't really speak on his looks as i'm not a men liker)), but i am begging people to look beyond that and realise falken is at his core a deeply unhealthy person whose shitty coping mechanisms are good for those around him, and thus he never really has to change them bc if they help others, what's the harm??

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 50

Chapter 50 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, a few weeks after everything has gone down, Eddie and Buck have settled into their relationship and have gotten more comfortable. Today, they go to the newly opened Santa Monica beach with Chris, before going for dinner at the Grant-Nash house.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: none (wild for this fic, I know xp) (unless you wanna count the water trauma/anxiety mention)

~~~

Chapter 50: Epilogue, Buck and Eddie

Santa Monica beach is opening today. Eddie has been nervous about taking Buck and Chris there, even if he knows it’s the right decision. They went through something huge, seeing the sea will make it smaller. Frank even agrees with him and he’s a therapist. Because that’s something Eddie does now; go to therapy. As does Chris.

Bobby half made him after he got the whole story out of Eddie while waiting in the hospital, but he was already planning on it. He wanted to set the right example for Chris, not fuck it up again. It’s been helpful.

Still, he keeps a hawk like eye on both of them as they get out of the car. Buck has driven them there and it seems to go well so far, but you never know.

Eddie does most of the carrying as Chris speeds away on his new crutches, determined to find them the best place to sit, while Buck keeps up with him so he won’t get separated from them.

They end up snatching a pretty nice spot near the water, where they set out the little chairs they have as well as a cooler with drinks and snacks. Buck lathers Chris in sunscreen while Eddie works hard to inflate the floaties.

Once Chris is all sunscreened up, Eddie motions for Buck to come over so he can get his back. He has seen how Buck can burn and he already knows who is going to be responsible for putting aloe vera everywhere when he burns. Not that having to lather Buck up is a burden, but he can’t help but preemptively wrinkle his nose at how the sheets will get sticky.

Buck obliges happily, sinking down between Eddie’s legs and passing the bottle over to him. His back is broad and Eddie has now only has a little shame in copping a few feels as he applies the sunscreen. He’s gotten a lot more comfortable these past few weeks and if he wants to subtly grope his boyfriend, he’s allowed to do that. Even if he has to actively remind himself of that.

It’s clear Buck notices, because he sends him a pervy look and waggles his eyebrows when Eddie is done. Eddie just pushes his face away with a big grin on his own face, pretending to be innocent and deflecting by calling out to Chris: “Wanna swim or built a sand castle first?”

“Sand castle,” Chris decides.

They have already agreed to not push Chris to go into the sea unless he wants to. Mentally Eddie has put Buck in that category as well, but he hasn’t mentioned it to him. Buck is distancing himself from the whole thing by vicariously coping through Chris, and Eddie is letting him. Though he only does that, because he is making sure he keeps an eye on Buck.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road,” Buck cheers, getting out the sand castle tools.

Eddie is more than content to sit in his little beach chair and watch as Chris and Buck take the construction of a giant sandcastle way too seriously.

Buck has also been researching natural disasters as a way to cope and one of the side tracks of that had been construction. At first it had been earthquake safe architecture, which had spiraled into architecture in general, until Eddie found him reading up on the history of construction.

Right now, he recognizes some of the construction techniques Buck had told him about when they were laying in bed together. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite parts of his day, sprawling over Buck’s chest at the end of the day, while Buck cards a hand through his hair and tells him facts about whatever thing he’s researching as Eddie half dozes off.

He is also dozing slightly now, watching through half-lidded eyes as a whole city appears out of the sand. He didn’t used to be this sleepy before he started dating Buck, however, ever since they got together, he’s been so relaxed that sleepiness comes easier to him.

Eddie does wake up a little more when Buck calls for a snack and hydration break. He hands out bottles of water and pre-cut apples, because Buck has something against biting into whole apples, since ‘that puts stress on your teeth, Eddie. You have to be careful with your teeth, they won’t heal like bones do.’

Chris and Buck are both equally excited to show off their creation, apparently they have taken infrastructure and supply chains into account and it’s a perfect city-castle.

When the apples and water are gone, Chris suddenly says: “I want to go swimming, but I’m a little scared.”

Buck and Eddie exchange a look. They’ve prepared for this moment. Eddie says: “We can go into the water, but we don’t have to go too deep. If you don’t want to go further, we won’t. If you do, we can try that. Me and papi will be there the whole time.”

“I know that.” However, Chris worries his lip between his teeth regardless, the little crease that matches the one Eddie get sometimes appearing on his forehead.

“Hey,” Buck nudges him, waiting until Chris looks up before continuing: “I’m a little nervous to go into the water too.”

“You are?” Chris asks with wide eyes. “But you’re a hero, you’re super cool and strong. You’re a firefighter!”

“Thank you. You’re a hero too, you know that, right, Superman?” Buck replies. “And I feel a lot better about going in there, because you’re gonna be there.” He puts on a hushed voice, leaning in as if sharing a secret: “You make me feel brave.”

If you’d go off Chris’s face, you’d say he’s just been told magic is real. “I do?” he asks with wonder.

“You do,” Buck confirms with a nod. “So what do you say? Wanna go dip your toes in? Promise the fishies won’t eat them.”

“Fish don’t eat toes, papi,” Chris giggles, already climbing to his feet, as he calls: “Come on, you guys are being slow.”

“We’re coming, you’re just too fast, mijo,” Eddie laughs, getting up and snatching Chris’s floaties for extra safety, doesn’t matter how shallow they’ll stay.

Chris complains about them when Eddie puts them on, but he doesn’t try to fight him off. While he is struggling against the rigid plastic, he catches Buck doing the breathing exercises Eddie showed him after the tsunami. He hasn’t gone back to therapy, too many bad memories, but he’s open to the things Eddie shares.

With the floaties on, Chris is off towards the water, but Eddie hangs back for a second, softly asking: “Are you okay?”

“Hm?” Buck snaps back to the here and now, before sending Eddie a small smile. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“You also don’t have to go in, you know that right?” Eddie says. “I can go with him in and that is more than fine. You don’t have to push yourself.”

“No, I want to. I don’t want to be scared of the water either. Besides, I meant what I said to Chris, I don’t think I’ll get in without him there.”

Eddie looks him over critically for a second, trying to say if he’s lying. He isn’t. “Okay, but the second you need to, you get out. Understood?”

“Bossy,” Buck grins.

“Buck, I’m serious.”

“I know.” The grins turns into something gentler, more tender. “I appreciate it, Eddie, but I’m okay. Really. Thank you though,” he says, slinging an arm around Eddie as he presses a kiss to his forehead.

It still makes him dizzy how easily Buck does that, in a good way. He leans his head against his shoulder for a second, before pulling back. “I love you. Now let’s go, before Mr. Impatient comes back.”

Right on time, Chris calls out: “Papi! Daddy! Stop being gross and come onnn!”

They both snort and start to walk towards him. Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand and Eddie looks up at him questioningly. “I love you too,” Buck tells him.

Then he lets go and jogs over to where Chris is, saying: “Gimme your hand, Superman.”

Confused Chris does as asked, though he questions: “Why?”

“We’re a team, remember. We go in together,” Buck answers. “Wanna do the honors, or do you want me to count down?”

“Me! Me! I want to!”

Eddie watches from behind them. This is a moment for the two of them and Eddie will stand behind them to have their back as they take this first step. Chris counts down and he can see the tension rise in Buck’s shoulders, but when Chris reaches zero, he steps forward right beside Chris.

He doesn’t even know he’s holding his breath, until he releases it when he sees Buck and Chris unclench. Buck laughs: “That was kind of underwhelming, huh?”

“A little,” Chris giggles.

“I don’t know,” Eddie says as he joins them, playing up a theatrical shiver as he says: “This water is freezing, you guys could have said something.”

“You’ve only just dipped in your toes,” Buck deadpans.

“Yeah, daddy, you’re being dramatic,” Chris joins.

“Oh, I see how it is, it’s bully daddy hour, is it?” Eddie pouts, mock-upset as he sets himself up as a distraction while they make their way further into the water.

“Yup,” Buck says, gleefully splashing Eddie with water as Eddie shrieks, while Chris joins in with gusto until it’s a full blown water fight.

They end up hanging around the beach for a few hours, before getting back in the car to drive to Bobby and Athena’s house. They’ve been invited for dinner, a thing that’s been happening more regularly. The 118 is moving away from being extra family to becoming in-crowd family.

When they get there, it’s more than dinner. The whole back yard is filled with everyone, who yell out: “Congrats!”

Both Eddie and Buck look at everyone in confusion, before looking at each other. Neither of them appear to know what they’re being congratulated for.

“Check it out,” Chimney says, showing off the cake to them. On it is written: Congratulations on getting to suck faces at work

“The paperwork came through,” Buck realizes, looking over at Bobby.

“It sure did,” Bobby smiles, looking quite pleased with himself for setting this all up. “We got the word today. Next shift, you’re coming off B-shift and back to A-shift, while Bosko returns back to the newly rebuilt 136.”

“That’s amazing!” Buck exclaims, hugging Bobby, before hugging Eddie.

Eddie is less expressive, though equally as excited as Buck is about the prospect of getting to work together again. The past few weeks with Bosko as a partner have been fine, but he misses his partner.

However, there was a reason they lied at first, getting the paperwork worked out was a hellish nightmare. Eddie doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the way Halleway’s eyebrow twitched when they came to talk about it, after they’d just done a whole investigation into their fraternization. He never wants to do that again, no thanks.

Not to mention that the way he acted during the tsunami wasn’t very helpful. He thinks their previous track record, Buck not being on duty and Bobby’s testimony that he found Eddie right where he ordered them to be, are the only things that saved them. But he’s not going to question a good thing too much.

Buck pulls back and kisses him, first on the mouth, then all over his face as he yells: “We get to work together again!”

“We do,” Eddie yells back, grin splitting his face in half, as he matches Buck’s enthusiasm. He can’t help himself, Buck is too excited for him not to do that.

“Just because the cake said it, doesn’t mean you two actually get to do this stuff on the clock,” Hen calls out.

“Yeah, we get enough of you two being mushy off the clock,” Chimney hollers.

“You guys are just jealous,” Buck sniffs haughtily, playing it up, but also meaning it just a little bit.

Both Chimney and Hen immediately start protesting and bragging about their own partners that are amazing, just not firefighters. Bobby silences them all by saying: “There is an expectation of professionalism in the firehouse. I will be writing you up. So, no stolen fire engines.”

He directs the last part at Buck with a pointed look. Buck blushes brightly and groans dramatically as he hides away behind Eddie. “That was one time.”

“Two times,” Bobby corrects. “I remember the second time a bit too vividly for my taste too.”

“Okay, enough of that. There are kids here,” Athena interrupts. “What do you all say about some food, huh?”

Luckily, they are all easily bought with food, so it’s the right thing to say. They get served some good barbecue and cake as people congratulate him and Buck. The kids run around, their laughter intermingling with the conversations starting up all over.

As he watches everyone squeeze Buck tightly for an extra second, Eddie realizes that everyone here must have known what he and Buck had done today. Bobby has organized this whole thing and everyone came, knowing him and Buck might cancel. They’d all been prepared to go home if today was too much for Buck or Chris, showing up anyway, just so they could have the opportunity to celebrate this with them if they did feel up to it.

Buck is soaking up all the attention, seeming not to notice that detail. This has become his normal and when Eddie remembers the lost twenty-three year old he met, he can’t help but be so glad he got to see him grow into this person he knows today. Glad he got to grow with him and got to grow into this family.

He gets snapped out of his revelry by Karen, who calls out: “Eddie, come here, I found this Merlot to try. Athena hates it, but I think it’s nice, you gotta tell me what you think.”

“Why would you let Athena try? She never appreciates a Merlot,” Eddie calls back while going her way, as Athena yells: “I heard that!”

Karen and him have struck up a great friendship in the weeks after the tsunami and she has gotten him into wine. Buck says he’s becoming a snob about it, but Eddie insists he’s just developing proper taste, drinking like an adult instead of a frat boy.

Meanwhile, Buck has become the center of attention of a game, playing with the kids as he chases them around the yard, making ridiculous monster noises while the kids shriek with the delight as they hide or get caught.

It’s a pleasant evening. One of good food, good company and good news.

They end up staying until deep in the night, when most of the kids are already passed out on the couch and the adults are also struggling to keep their eyes open. None of them want the night to end, but they have to go home at some point. So, they say their goodbyes, before Eddie carries Chris to the car.

Buck drives back while Chris naps in the back seat and Eddie dozes in the passenger seat. Buck is softly humming along to whatever song is playing on the radio, his big hand warm on Eddie’s thigh as his thumb strokes along to the beat.

At home, Eddie blinks awake, lolling his head over to Buck as he asks: “Empty the car tomorrow? I am beat.”

“God, same,” Buck groans. “Sounds like a great plan. Wanna get Chris or the door?”

“I’ll get Chris.”

Thus, Eddie carries Chris to the door, while Buck undoes all the locks. When taking Chris to his room, Tubs insists on wrapping himself around Eddie’s legs, nearly tripping him up. However, he manages to do the dance, being used to the little guy’s antics.

He wrestles a half-sleeping Chris into comfier clothes and forcing a toothbrush into sleepy mouth the best he can, before tucking him in, pushing a stray curl from his forehead and whispering: “Goodnight, mijo.”

Eddie drops a kiss on Chris’s forehead, then slowly backs out of the room, turning off the light as he goes, but leaving a crack at the door so Tubs can come in the middle of the night as he likes to do.

With that done, he joins Buck in the bathroom. He still thinks Buck’s whole dental hygiene regime is a little ridiculous, but he happily does it with him at the end of each day. It’s nice and domestic, to stand in the bathroom together and brushing their teeth, trying to talk as they floss and failing spectacularly.

What was once Buck’s room, is now their room. Buck’s chair of clothes still persists in the corner, but Eddie’s neat pile on the dresser has joined them, the wedding pictures that had been taken unseriously are framed now, standing proudly on a shelf, and the upper drawer in Buck’s bedside table now has a lock to prevent too young eyes from looking in it

Both of them all but stumble out of their clothes and into their pajamas. Eddie asks: “You’re gonna go on your phone some more?”

“Nah, I’m tired,” Buck answers, getting into bed and invitingly holding open the blanket so Eddie can crawl in next to him.

Eddie would love nothing more than to join him, but he first has to check. “How’s your leg?”

“Good,” Buck assures him with a fond smile, before waving the blanket. If Buck had said anything else, Eddie would have gotten out the massage oil, but it seems today is a good day indeed.

“Okay,” Eddie hums as he takes Buck up on that invitation, making himself comfortable on what is his side of the bed- well, actually it’s mostly Buck’s side on the bed that he makes himself comfortable on, but it’s not his fault that Buck is on that side of the bed and Eddie wants to be close to him.

Buck just watches Eddie get comfortable with an amused look on his face, waiting until Eddie is done, before smirking: “Comfy?”

Eddie props his head up on Buck’s chest and shamelessly grins: “Very.”

“Kiss?”

Naturally, Eddie obliges as he always does, leaning over so he can kiss Buck, which turns into lazily making out. Until Eddie groans: “Ugh, I’m too tired to be horny.”

Buck chuckles at that, stroking Eddie’s side with his hand as he says: “That’s okay. I wasn’t really working up to anything, so I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“No need to be so smug,” Eddie grouches, though the little crinkles around his eyes give him away.

“You love it when I’m smug,” Buck says, hugging Eddie tightly so he can’t move away, having to angle his head down to look at him from what is probably a less than attractive angle, not that he cares.

“Sadly,” Eddie says, his face telling him the opposite.

Of course, Buck has to kiss him again about that, until a yawn interrupts them, causing Buck to laugh: “Okay, bedtime. Officially.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, rolling off Buck to curl up, so Buck can slot himself behind him. Once he is comfortably wrapped around Eddie, Eddie murmurs: “Goodnight, mi amor. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Buck replies, giving Eddie’s shoulder a kiss, before dropping his head onto his pillow and doing that thing where he snuggles in that bit closer that he always does.

They fall asleep pretty soon. Today had been exhausting and they’re both glad it’s weekend and they’re off tomorrow. Neither even want to think about an alarm right now.

Chris, however, did not get that memo and is up bright and early, ready to wake them up, which he does in true Christopher fashion. He busts open the door and clambers onto the bed, wiggling in between both of them as he says: “You gotta wake up. It’s morning.”

Buck rolls out of the way to make space for Chris, while Eddie lets out a loud groan, hiding his face under his pillow as he tries to pretend today hasn’t arrived yet. Even with all his years in the army and their irregular hours, Eddie still isn’t a morning person.

“Morning, buddy,” Buck greets him with sleep hoarse voice. There is a mrurp, before a second weight joins them on the bed. “And hello Tubs.”

“He’s hungry,” Chris announces, picking Tubs up and planting him on his lap as he pets his fur. He had been taken with the cat from the moment they got him and Tubs has decided that Chris is the best human, so they’re fast friends.

“Oh, is he?” Buck asks with amusement. “And what does Tubs require?”

“Bacon,” Chris informs him. “And I require pancakes.”

“Ahhh, is that so?” Buck says his amusement not going away. “Well, then, let’s see what we can do about those requirements while daddy gets his beauty sleep in.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie grumbles from under his pillow, making both Chris and Buck giggle.

Buck throws the blanket off himself, but makes sure to tuck it around Eddie again. He kisses his cheek and says: “Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep in. I’ll save you some.”

“You’re the best,” Eddie tells him, muffled by his pillow as he snuggles back into it, already starting to drop off again. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Buck says, affection and warmth coloring his voice.

Meanwhile, Chris has put Tubs back down, so they can make their way to the kitchen, already calling out to Buck: “You’re being too slow, papi. We require food.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Buck calls out, before muttering: “Bossy. He gets that from you, you know.”

Playing oblivious, Eddie just says: “I’m sleeping,” which makes Buck snort.

He follows child and cat to the kitchen and gets started on breakfast while Chris tells him all about the weird dream he had.

By the time, Buck is almost done with making breakfast, Eddie has reconciled with the fact that it is, in fact, morning and has dragged himself out of bed. He comes stumbling down the hall, plastering himself against Buck’s back as he says: “Hm, smells nice.”

“You know what smells even nicer?”

“No?”

“This coffee I made you,” Buck tells him, handing him the mug with coffee. It has a sugar in it, a new appearance that Eddie allows himself now.

Eddie releases Buck enough for him to receive the mug, taking the first sip as he groans: “You’re my hero.”

“I try,” Buck smiles.

“Is breakfast almost done?” Chris asks without any sort of regard for any moments he might be interrupting. To be fair to Chris, if he started to care now, he’d never get a word in edgewise.

“That it is,” Buck says, plating the food and presenting Chris with a plate of bacon and pancakes, as well as a cup of juice and a little extra bowl for Tubs. “Here you go, good sir.”

“Thank you!” Chris exclaims, before releasing Tubs so they can dig in.

“And a plate for you,” Buck says, handing Eddie a plate, before taking the last one for himself, the three of them eating breakfast as a family.

When Shannon went to buy her eggs on that faithful Thursday, she never meant to create a family that she is no longer a part of and she probably never imagined it would end like this. But it did. And the three people, plus one cat, in the small house in LA are very grateful to her for making that egg run.

It’s truly curious how the universe works sometimes.

~~

A/N:

Ahh, we did it! I’m so sad yet so proud that it is done. Thank you so much for sticking this out with me to the end. I never could expected how well received this work has been and how nice everyone is, so truly, thank you <3.

And because I like adding this as a little jump scare at the end of my long fics: congratulations on reading 300 pages xp

(also wouldn’t it have been fucked if I gave Buck his pulmonary embolism anyway in that back yard party instead of graciously letting him go without it? Like if it ended with him just dropping? That would have been so mean of me, but no, I’m skipping that storyline, cause I can be nice… sometimes)

As a final note, I want to add that this universe is not over yet. I am going to continue posting AUAUs and, surprise, I’m planning a sequel (though I don’t know how long it’ll take me to write it or how long it’ll be, right now I’m hoping to have max 10 chapters, but this fic was supposed to be max 100k, so what do I know lmao). Anyways, make sure to subscribe to both series if you want more of this! :D

[judamars]

So I’m probably not that smart but I did take both psychology classes and sociology classes in college and they were a pretty big part of my time there.

I think in this particular situation, Gihun was the victim of what is called Operant Conditioning, which is the type of conditioning where a voluntary behavior is associated with a consequence.

By the time Gihun had reached Ilnam on his deathbed to confront him, he had already been conditioned by the games to believe that his impulsive desire to help others in need is something that will always be met with consequence. Ilnam kinda feeds into this subconscious thinking as well. You kinda see in both seasons how he still has feelings of guilt and shame, and even traumatic responses, from witnessing the death of others. (Flashback to the work strike (s1), dalgona dream (s2)). Because of his own personality, he is aware that he can make a difference by helping others when he sees they need help. That doesn’t change. But his apprehension when something goes gravely wrong as a result of such gets worse as the show progresses.

My theory is that the reason Ilnam and the Frontman actively use operant conditioning on him specifically is not because they don’t want him to stop helping people, they want him to stop helping THEIR people. The ones who join the games. The frontman has VIPs to entertain in a messed up capitalist system, and he knows that Gihun will stop at nothing to find him and attempt to put an end to it.

I also want to mention how Gihun had had three years since he left the games the first time to find them. But because he didn’t take that time to thoroughly process his trauma and to instead obsess over the source of it, he then became subject to the brunt of what PTSD/CPTSD can do to people, especially men. Specifically, i noticed symptoms such as intrusive thoughts, anxiety, feelings of guilt and shame, and hyper vigilance. But im sure there’s more.

Now just as a PTSD survivor and someone who knows other people who suffer from the same thing, a common thing that happens with the disorder (if it’s not already known) is increased empathy.

PTSD survivors are more likely to show ten times the amount of empathy. That is both proven in a few studies provided by google, and is also kinda common sense. Studies were mostly done on adults with childhood trauma, however I still think it could apply to both Gihun’s games experience and his past. And sure, a PTSD survivor may also experience impaired empathy after trauma, but Gihun is definitely portrayed as showing increased empathy. Helping people win the red light green light game by yelling out tips, helping that eliminated player across the finish line, those are all definite signs of increased empathy. As for seeing his best friend die, it does leave the question of whether that will either diminish this level of empathy or increase it. I do hope season 3 sheds some light on that, as the initial reaction cannot really tell you either way what his emotions will compel him to do in response.

One more thing I will mention about Gihun’s trauma, because I do think it’s interesting how he didn’t adhere to his own morals after the first set of games were over. I think he definitely saw the opportunity of confronting Ilnam and playing Russian roulette with the recruiter as ways to relive his trauma and somehow find a way to cope in those moments, specifically with the adrenaline rush of potentially putting a bullet in his head during roulette.

I could go WAAAAYYYYY more in depth about this but I feel like I’ve made this way too long already. I just definitely wanted to share this because I felt I could contribute.

All of my blabbing boils down to this, Gihun is a survivor of a deadly, capitalistic system that has put him through such intense trauma, that hasn’t really made him a different person per se but has just made his emotions and his impulses much more intense.

Also, here are some sources I reviewed, just to provide more information

someone smarter than me who knows more abt psychology needs to write abt gi-hun and the learned helplessness that the games instilled in him. i find the last episode of s1 so interesting bc i KNOW that pre-games gi-hun would've gone down to the street and helped out that homeless guy himself. bc pre-games gi-hun, despite his many flaws, was proactive and impulsive and deeply caring towards others. but post-games gi-hun just stays put and waits for someone else to do help the guy. bc the games taught him that even when he tries to help people, he won't succeed. and that trying to help people never works. i don't think it's something he would consciously believe but it got ingrained in him on a subconscious level.

i think by s2 he's started to find his will and strength to help others again, as evidenced by him trying so hard to end the games and by him helping that one eliminated player in red light green light. but i'm worried that him standing up and starting a rebellion only to watch his best friend die is gonna put him right back in that mindset of believing that he can't (and shouldn't) do anything or help anyone.

i also think it's so interesting how even though he has such a distaste for the games, he still mostly follows the rules. even the rebellion itself could be seen as part of the game. but i'm mostly thinking about how he could have saved that homeless man, or how he could have refused to play russian roulette with the recruiter, but he didn't. he thinks he proved il-nam wrong, but in a way he just proved him right by standing so high above that man on the verge of death, literally betting on whether he'd live or not while doing nothing to help him. he was a vip in that moment and he didn't even realise it

[knickynoo]

At what point in time do you think the original timeline McFly family started being dysfunctional? I’m sure George and Lorraine were fully in love at first, and Lorraine even still in the 80s seems to look back fondly when recalling how they fell in love. But I do wonder when exactly it started to go downhill, when they started having kids? Just with age? Or maybe it was never really great to begin with before Marty got involved

This is a really interesting ask, and it's something that I've thought about a handful of times. The Twin Pines McFlys fascinate me.

As for my own headcanons about when the dysfunction started, I think it was always there. Dysfunction within families is complex, though, so it likely ebbed and flowed and morphed over the years. Some thoughts! (hehehe, analysis and theories incoming)

I 100% believe George and Lorraine were fully in love at first and are even still in love when we meet them in 1985. It's just that life has beaten them both down in various ways, and they've lost touch with each other and fallen into a pattern of being resigned to (and maybe even comfortable with) all the disconnect within their family. But there's no mistaking the fondness with which Lorraine begins her story of how she and George met and the way it shifts to such sadness within just a few seconds. Her question of, "It was the night of that terrible thunderstorm, remember, George?" is such a clear bid for connection with him. A hope that he'll smile and recall that night and join in on her story. That's what Lorraine wants! But George doesn't even acknowledge her (not on purpose, I'm sure; he's just so wrapped up in watching The Honeymooners), and you see Lorraine gradually deflate from there.

It's so sad because you can see the emotions shift so suddenly in her! That first gif still holds such affection as she recalls their first kiss. It's like she's a girl again, feeling that overwhelming sense of love and all the possibilities for their life together. But then it changes. She's brought back to reality and all the unhappiness, the disappointments, the realization that life isn't what she imagined for herself.

By the last gif, she's a woman who clearly feels trapped. Now stuck with this guy for the rest of her life. And what makes it so awful is that you can TELL Lorraine still loves him. She longs for that happiness they once had, but it takes two people putting in effort to make a marriage work. She can try to reach George all she wants, but if he can't be emotionally present, it isn't going to work.

Also, I'm sure that George loves Lorraine as well, but he's got a whole plethora of issues that just. Haven't been addressed. George has no self-worth. He's meek and lets people walk all over him and is so completely anxious about everything in life that he's mostly shut down. He's trapped too, with no way (that he can see) to change things. So he does what he can to survive, which consists of doing Biff's bidding and retreating to an inner world at the expense of shutting his family out.

I don't think things were always to this extreme, though. For a while I'm sure things were okay, maybe even good. They were young and in love, and while George was still George, I don't think life had defeated him yet. They got married, really established their little life together, and I can see them as both having hope. And even if there were moments that seemed shaky or hinted that things might be difficult down the road, it was easy to brush it aside. They were still finding their footing, and they were young and had their whole future together to make things better. In all honesty, Dave probably got to experience the "best" versions of his parents for the first several years of his life.

However, each year and every hardship (big and small) likely chipped away at the McFlys and brought about additional dysfunction. I don't know if Biff and George started working with each other right out of high school or if they came to work those jobs later on, but I'm sure that was a huge factor. It offered no escape from Biff for either George or Lorraine. Just a predictable cycle of George having to do whatever Biff told him, Biff invading their home whenever he pleased, and everyone having to watch George immediately tuck his tail between his legs.

As I said, I think things gradually kind of unraveled in their house. As the state of their family became more solidified, Lorraine likely began drinking more and withdrawing. I do think they still had their good days, though! Moments that brought them together and where they felt that happiness they once shared (I mean, they had three children together, and it's clear Dave, Linda, and Marty ARE loved and were raised well.) But the state of the McFly household is probably all Marty has known for the majority of his life. I can see situations arising where maybe Dave has told him, "They weren't always like this, you know."

Dysfunctional as they are, George and Lorraine really are trying. I think they can absolutely see the cracks and the flaws—perhaps even the potential damage being caused to their children—but they just have too much brokeness inside themselves to do better. So, they do what they can, which for George involves trying to protect his children's feelings by discouraging them from taking risks. He doesn't want them hurt or sad or disappointed, and his solution is to have them form shells around themselves. Better to save yourself from all the headaches life brings.

Lorraine does her best to protect and guide her kids by way of warning them away from the very things that brought her to where she is in life. We see this manifest in the form of criticism mostly when she's talking to Marty.

Lastly even with Lorraine seeming as downtrodden as she is, I can see her clinging to the possibility of change. Hoping and praying that eventually, George would say enough was enough and stand up for himself. He'd put his foot down, step up as a husband and father, and things would become what she always wanted. She was the one always telling herself, "Someday. Someday..." until the point we see her at during the dinner scene, where she knows that "someday" isn't going to ever happen. Things are just the way they are, and she has to deal with it.

This was a lot, but I have a lot of feelings about the McFly family and how they operated in their day to day life. Especially the implications of the McFly sibs (Marty in particular!) being raised in such an emotionally disjointed environment. Ugh, those gifs of Lorraine make me so sad. The whole thing is sad.

Thanks for the ask, though! I want to write another Twin Pines McFly fic now.

[starscr0ss]

im thinking about celestia and the abyss being literal opposites (chaos and order) and im thinking about childe and lumine being sort of embodiments of that, just not in the way we think. after the latest natlan quest its clear to us what the fatui intends and what they want- i think the tsaritsa more than anything loves humanity, which is why she directly opposes celestia who are known for bringing down different civilizations. childe, as Her weapon and Her blade is an extenction of that: he's a blade forged by the abyss, bathed in Her holyness, meant to strike down those who sin. lumine (talking solely about traveler lumine) is the literal sister of the prince of the abyss, she has clear ties to it and at this point in the story still is hesitant about fully opposing him (i love angst). her entire story revolves around chaose and disrupting celestia's (and the fatui's) order. isnt that fun

i think what childe longs for the most is control- control of himself, his life, his powers, his story, his fate. i think what lumine wants the most is freedom, which is just another phacet of chaos

anyways. you see it. the themes are theming

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[kuruna]

anyways 🫶🏾 I will talk about my own OC because god granted me the power to do so

Had a Big realization about Xanthos which is like... I already knew he struggles with guilt Big Time, but I didn't realize just to what extent that guilt informs his each and every action 💔 after an event in which AZ gets badly hurt, Xan starts taking on the "leader" role in their dynamic due to guilt and fear of getting AZ hurt again. When AZ is king, that same guilt affects their dynamic, but now that they're both adults Xan's overprotective nature feels belittling, and it is in a lot of ways. Xan starts doing a lot of the duties of king because he feels that AZ isn't handling them the way he should (which isn't Entirely untrue, it's a big job for someone with little experience in diplomacy to take on), but also because this dynamic has morphed in a way where Xanthos thinks his older brother is Incapable. At its core, the war was a very extreme way of Xan going "I don't think you should do this on your own. Why would you allow ME to handle it instead?!"

It becomes an ironic thing 💔 Xanthos' fear about hurting his brother again leads to him hurting AZ in the worst possible ways. And that sense of guilt only grows stronger 😔 Xan is incapable of asking for help, or being honest about himself and his needs. He's incapable of admitting when he is wrong and incapable of relinquishing control, and all of it comes from now incredibly Guilty he feels all the time and a need to constantly be making up for this guilt as well as his perceived failures as a person. Basically he's sooooooooo so so so sick 💔💔💔

[morocosmos]

FFXIVWrite 2024 Day 11 - Surrogate

Masterlist Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Characters/Pairings: Leofard Myste & Warrior of Light Rating: Teen & Up Additional Notes: Takes place at during HW patch 3.5. Major spoilers for the Shadow of Mhach alliance raid questline. Ao3 Link

Lady Raimille. The picture painted by Stacia's tale was everything an orphaned child could want from a parent. Everything except that she'd passed on too soon — but not before giving her foster son one last gift.

The noblewoman’s real portrait hung above them, enshrined in Leofard’s quarters. Presiding over his affairs and his family; watching over the man himself. Moro'a knew that paintings like this cost a considerable sum to commission, and that taking care of them required specific knowledge and attention; unexpected obligations for a sky pirate. 

But the painting gleamed, immaculately free of blemishes. “I had wondered as to the origin of his vessel's naming,” Cait Sith said softly, his voice touched with emotion. “‘Tis a most beautiful painting.”

Moro’a’s time in Ishgard had also taught him that portraits like this one were made to memorialise — a likeness captured in brushstrokes, preserved from time. Remember me as I was, in this moment. Remember what this person means to us. Situated where their loved ones could gaze upon them, and never forget.

I doubt I'll ever feel worthy to sit where he sat.

Throughout their adventures, Leofard had pretended as though the portrait wasn’t there, and it was all Moro’a had needed to know not to bring it up. He’d accepted it without judgement, without ever considering otherwise. What was he here for, if not to hide from ghosts and broken hearts; from memory?

But now that Stacia had told them what Leofard would never impart himself, the pieces that made up the leader of the Redbills had finally begun to click: why a man who prized freedom so highly would build his new home a stone's throw from the Holy See, and why the loss of his airship had made Leofard retreat into himself, like a creature seeking familiar refuge. 

It seems she kept him safe until the very end, Utata had said, and Moro’a’s heart had clenched so tight that he thought it might shatter.

It wasn’t any of his business. The voidsent had been stopped, and Cait Sith had found a new home. His time with the Redbills was coming to a close. It’d been an engaging distraction, which was precisely what Moro’a had needed; there were no stones left to overturn, no more accidental revelations to be had. He would go his separate way, into the unknown, and then…

Later, as he was stowing the few essentials he’d brought into the manacutter, Moro’a heard footsteps approaching. He turned to see Leofard, who was already dressed in a clean set of clothes and red-tinted goggles. “I almost forgot,” the sky pirate said, as breezy as could be now as he held something out in his hand. A Redbill scarf.

“You didn’t have to,” Moro’a murmured, feeling a strange mixture of reluctance and guilt. 

“And I say otherwise, Warrior. I reckon you’ve done more than you’ll ever need to to have earned this.” His hand stretched closer, and Moro’a considered refusing. He was ready to quit this place, to move on. I’m not who you think I am, he wanted to say. 

Instead he found himself reaching out for the scarf, and tucking it in with the rest of his things.

If, after he'd said his farewells, his hand reached under the collar of his shirt to gently hold the necklace that rested against his chest, to remember, he was the only one who needed to know.

[pinksilvace]

people will really draw anything but what they're supposed to (I'm people)

[jackass-jones]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[heybinnie]

i still cant process this

[sunflowers-and-sweetviolets]

anyway - head over heels for that old man <3

[orphiicheartd]

Sometimes, Moze does find himself dissociating when he lets his guard down too much, especially while in stealth, being already so susceptible to that comforting feeling of nothingness he would slip into. Likewise, sometimes said state happens to trigger because of it, where he’ll feel himself so disconnected from himself, he will simply ‘disappear’ and sink into that numbing headspace until he’s forcibly snapped out of it, one way or another. He has yet to actually pull himself out of one of these episodes unaided.