#that's right john's back in kit's life and he's absolutely making it her problem

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

WIP Last Line/Weekend/Whenever

tagged by @direwombat @megraen @clicheantagonist @jacobsneed @josephseedismyfather and @inafieldofdaisies

tagging: @roofgeese @chazz-anova @adelaidedrubman @strangefable @trench-rot @neverthesameneveranother and anyone else with something to share consider me tagging you

This is a whole lot longer than one last line heh...and comes from about four chapters down the line because the current chapter is just going nowhere right now:

John reclined back into the passenger’s seat, staring at her, focused on her neck and the two red lines that circled it, not to mention all the bruises and bite marks along her collarbone and neck.

Her ears were burning, that sixth sense that told her someone was paying attention to her. She tried to ignore it as she kept her eyes on the road, but his bright blue eyes just leered harder. 

“What?” she snapped.

Smiling to himself, ear to ear and slick with slime, John had that cheshire cat grin about him again.  “Tell me Kathleen, was the collar your idea or my brother’s?”

Kit glared at him from her periphery, focusing on driving rather than the annoyance that sat beside her. “What are you on about?”

“If I’d known all it would take to get you to join us was to put one on you I would have done so from the start.”

Kit stretched her neck absentmindedly from side to side, as if she could feel the muscles tensing on their own.

Leaning over the middle console, he stroked the side of her neck. “Apparently it's been sitting tight on you, rubbing you raw.”

“Fuck off, John.” She said, slapping his hand away.

He sat back in his seat once more, a smug grin making his eyes sparkle with so much joy. “A kinky little thing, aren’t you? Hardly following the laws of the Father while up in the mountains, hmm?”

She rolled her eyes, her thumb tapping against the wheel as her shoulders started to hunch like an alley cat about to fight. “Oh yeah, because you’re so innocent. You were really living that humble lifestyle with the cars, the planes and the mansion.”

He ignored her comeback, repositioning his sunglasses on top of his head, pushing back slicked black hair. “I’m surprised Jacob is keeping you as his pet, he never took me for much of a cat person.”

“And you are?” Her eyes slid sideways to look at him with a sneer. “Somehow I imagine you’d be the type to catch them and skin them, considering the art projects I saw in your bunker. You know they say that that kind of behavior starts young, and it's a good sign of being a –”

“I’m sure you’d know well, Kathleen. How many spiders did you pull the legs off of just to see them twitch and slowly die?”

Kit spun the wheel, turning the truck to the side of the road abruptly. Ripping back on the emergency brake, the truck stopped with a screech. Whipping round to face John in her seat, pale blue eyes glared at him, rage barely contained. 

“Whatever the fuck you think it is you’re doing, it needs to stop. I am not yours, I was never going to be yours, and your delusional fucking wedding where you carved into me doesn't make us a thing.”

He sat forward in his seat, his brow furrowed, eye twitching as he pulled on the front of his jacket, straightening it. “You kissed me back!”

“Yeah, I did. So fucking what, John? I’ve lived to regret it. I’m Jacob’s, nothing is changing that.” She said, pointing her finger into John’s chest. “You and I are a lot alike, in the worst ways. Seven years trapped in a bunker together? We wouldn’t make it seven days. Either one or both of us would be dead, and on both occasions it would be you first.”

He scoffed, a roll of his eyes telling her he didn’t believe it. “Please Kathleen, you’re not so dangerous. I know how a mind like yours works, I’m sure I could have you purr -”

Her hand gripped around his throat, short nails digging into the skin until it bled, and two pale eyes staring into his very soul. “I swear to God, John, I will end your fucking life. Right here, right now. For real this time.”

“And just how would you explain that to Joseph? You think Jacob would forgive you for harming me?”

The muscles in her face twitched as she bit back on the need to hurt him.

"Clearly you haven't given up on your sin yet. Your soul is not yet clean. Even if you are set to be our Lion. You're still no better than the wild animals my brother likes to keep in cages."

Kit rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away. "I can't give up on my wrath yet. There's still a war going on and just because I've switched sides doesn't mean I stop being a soldier."

[thirstyforcharacters]

When the Universe Collides (Sam Wilson x Reader)

Summary: Every person has a soulmate. When your soulmate experiences pain, so do you, and any bruises, scars, or other markings that they get appear on your skin. Or, the story of how smacking yourself in the face with a cabinet was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Notes: Hi! Since the first episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier comes out today, I wanted to write something for Sam! He’s super underrated and deserves more love! Also, this soulmate AU is extremely self-indulgent and has absolutely nothing to do with the TV show, but tbh I don’t care. Hope you all enjoy it too! (no y/n, no pronouns) (PS: any italicized text is Sam texting and the italicized and bold text is the reader texting!)

Warnings: mentions of a stab wound (nothing explicit), cursing I guess 

WC: 2.2 k

Your soulmate must have one hell of a job.

Almost every day, you woke up with dark bruises covering your body. It seemed that whenever one faded, another took its place. At completely random times, you would double over in aches that you certainly didn’t inflict upon yourself. One time, in the middle of the night, you woke up with pain in your stomach so intense, it felt like someone had stabbed you! It turned out that it was a stab wound, but given that no one had stabbed you lately (or ever), you figured it was from your soulmate. You definitely didn’t appreciate that hospital bill.

But you still desperately wanted to meet them. Meet that person that completed you: your other half. As a teenager, you made your parents tell you the story of the day they finally met so many times, you knew it by memory. They were both in the library at college, and your mom dropped a psychology textbook on her foot! Her howl of pain was only matched by the “SON OF A BITCH” that came from your dad on the opposite side of the library. When the two of them made eye contact, they instantly knew they were the ones for each other (they were also immediately kicked out for making such a ruckus). You wanted to have that moment so badly; meeting your soulmate was a huge milestone in every person’s life, and you needed it.

Your best friend and roommate, Brianna, had met hers just two months ago. They had met at the beach, when out of nowhere, Bri had shrieked in shock and pain.

“A crab just pinched me!”

When you had looked at her foot and told her nothing was there, she was totally confused, until you saw a handsome guy with a crab hanging from his foot! He had introduced himself as Julian, and the two had been inseparable since. He was living with you now, and you had honestly never felt more lonely in your life. Sure, you had your dream career; you ran a music shop in New York City, selling instruments, making repairs, and meeting all sorts of interesting people. You had a decent apartment, a chill best friend, and the cutest Yorkie, named Muffin, on the planet. By all accounts, you had it pretty good. You were just missing your other half.

It was a rainy day in NYC. The chill of winter was still clinging onto the March air, and you shivered as you trudged from your apartment to your shop. Even though you had an umbrella to protect you from the rain, the wind blew right through the too-thin jacket you yanked off of the coatrack in a rush. Still holding your half-eaten toaster strudel in your hand, you pushed open the doors to Major Instruments and Minor Repairs, your pride and joy.

It was two floors: the first was where you sold instruments, and the repair shop was above. Acoustic panels were attached to the burnt red walls to help quiet down the place, since the hardwood floors didn’t do much to help with that. The checkout desk was directly in the center in the room. Surrounding it were reeds, bottles of valve oil, and guitar strings. Picks were placed in two clear, plastic bowls on the desk itself. In the front left corner of the room was a grand piano, situated right in the window so passersby could see whenever someone plucked its keys. The entire back wall was covered in guitars and basses. To the right of the desk was a large drumset, accompanied by a pair of drumsticks and brushes. On the right wall were string instruments; string basses and cellos were leaned against the wall, while the violins, violas, and bows were displayed on it. Woodwind and brass instruments were scattered across the room in various display cases. Instrument stands, bow rosin, and miscellaneous instrument parts were on shelves throughout the room as well. The spiral staircase leading up to the repair shop was in the back left corner of the room. Behind the staircase was the door to the back store room, where you kept your extra supplies and also where you took your breaks.

“Good morning!” called Andrew, one of your closest friends from college, from behind the desk.

You waved in reply, wandering to the back store room. You were lucky you had Andrew; you could rely on him to run the front desk while you and Brianna assisted customers on the floor. Unfortunately, Bri had the flu today, so it would just be you on the floor, which would make things a little more hectic. You hurriedly finished your strudel, took off your jacket, which left you in a black and white flannel, a matching black tank top reading “Music is Life,” black leggings, and black combat boots (you had an aesthetic to uphold), and strode back out to the main area.

“You seem in a bit of a rush. Everything okay?” asked Andrew, who was currently restocking bell covers.

You sighed, “Just a whirlwind of a morning. Bri has the flu, Muffin nearly choked on a chicken bone, I almost burned my toaster strudel, and I smacked myself in the face with my cabinet door by accident.”

“Oh, that’s where the new bruise on your eye is from,” he mused.

You snorted, “Yeah, for once it’s not from my soulmate.”

“Maybe he’s a spy. Or a superhero!”

“Yeah, or a criminal,” you joined in on the restocking, grabbing some trumpet mutes since the place opened in just half an hour, “thanks for opening up, by the way.”

“It’s no problem,” he replied, “you know I don’t mind.”

The doorbell jingled and two of your instrument repair people, Sarah (for strings), and Natalie (for brass), entered. Natalie was lugging what was unmistakably a tuba case, while Sarah carried both of their instrument repair kits.

“Morning, ladies!” called Andrew.

“Good morning,” Sarah replied pleasantly.

Natalie huffed out a “morning” and dragged the tuba up the stairs.

“Her tuba’s broken. The tubing that holds up her mouthpiece completely snapped off. She’s going to try and repair it before her appointments today,” explained Sarah.

You winced, “That’s rough.”

Sarah dropped off both of their jackets and followed Natalie up the stairs leaving you alone with Andrew again. Soon after, Erik, your percussion guy, and John, the woodwind repairman, arrived, and it was time for the shop to open. For a while, it was just another mundane Thursday. Customers came and went. People tested the piano and drumsets, someone bought $100 worth of jazz scores, and a teenaged boy came in who somehow got a ping pong ball stuck in their trombone (you learned to never ask). But at exactly 1:47 pm, a time you would never forget, two very unexpected customers walked through the threshold of your store. You were up on a ladder, carrying a large, rather heavy, box of violin bows to situate on the wall, when you heard their voices.

“I’m telling you, Buck, I’m a wizard at the saxophone.”

“Sure, Sam. I’ll believe it when I hear it.”

“I’m serious, dude! I played all the time before I joined the military, and I picked it back up a little bit again after the whole Avengers thing. I just need to get a new one.”

“Hmm, okay. We’ll see.”

“Bastard.”

You whipped your head around and saw the Falcon and the Winter Soldier themselves in your shop. Having superheros in your place was a first. And who knew Sam Wilson played the saxophone?

Andrew offered them a cheerful greeting and directed them toward the saxophones, which happened to be near the ladder you were teetering on. Every time you leaned up to put a bow on display, it wobbled so badly you thought you were going to fall. You really needed to allocate some funds toward a new one.

As you continued to place bows on display, you heard the conversation of the two gentlemen browsing the saxophones. Apparently, Sam much preferred the tenor sax (which you happened to play, quite well you might add). Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him pick up a Selmer Paris model and inspect it. Those didn’t come cheap, but you were sure that saving the world gave a man a pretty decent paycheck.

“You think I can test it out?”

“I don’t know, dude. You should probably ask.”

You saw him nod, “Yeah, I guess so. And there’s not a reed in here, anyway. Excuse me!”

You realized he was calling you, so you craned your head to look at him. Both men were looking up at you, both with kind smiles on their faces.

“Is there any way I can get a cheap reed to test this out with,” Sam asked, “and are we even allowed to test them in store?”

You smiled back, “Yes, you can. We have test reeds at the front desk, just ask Andrew and he’ll give you one. That’s the only one you’ll get though.”

“Cool, thanks,” he replied while looking around, “nice place you’ve got here.”

Your smile grew a little wider, “Thank you! It took a little while to get it off of the ground, but I’m really proud of how it turned out.”

It was almost as if the universe wanted you to suffer. You stretched up to display yet another bow, and the ladder toppled to the ground, taking you with it! You shrieked in surprise and braced yourself for the impact with the floor.

But it never came.

Instead, you were caught in a pair of (ridiculously) muscular arms. When you looked into the arms of your hero, of course it was Sam himself. He was too handsome for his own good. The thing that stood out most to you were his deep brown eyes. And how, on the left one, was a bruise that exactly matched the one that you gave yourself this morning.

“Are you alright? That ladder must have it out for you,” joked Sam, though you could tell that he was concerned for you.

“I’m okay,” you squeaked, “thank you.”

“It’s no problem. All a part of the job.”

You nodded distractedly, still fixated on the bruise adorning his eye. He couldn’t be your soulmate, could he?

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he questioned.

“I-yes. I just got a bit, well, distracted.”

“By what?”

Well, it was now or never. You might as well just go for it.

“When did you get that bruise?”

He looked a bit surprised by the question, “The one on my eye?”

You nodded.

“This morning. It just popped up. Hurt a little bit, like something hit me in the face. Can’t be worse than what I’ve given my soulmate, though. I got stabbed in the stomach once and all I could think about was how confused and hurt they must’ve been,” came his reply.

It was him. It had to be! All of your random, serious injuries made so much more sense now.

“It did hurt,” you murmured back, “but not as much as the hospital bill.”

His face went from apologetic to elated faster than you had ever seen, “Wait, that means it’s you?”

“I think so,” you said, “I hit myself in the eye with a cabinet door this morning, and that-” you gestured to his face, “matches mine.”

“Oh, it does!” he exclaimed.

“Are you two done over there?” complained Bucky.

Thankfully, the Winter Solider had successfully rescued your box of bows.

Sam stood you up, and you could feel the embarrassment slowly creeping over you, “Yeah. Sorry about that, guys. Promise I’m not usually that clumsy.”

“Seems like you need a new ladder,” Bucky told you.

“You don’t say,” you sassed back, prompting a laugh from Sam.

Bucky then strode off to return the fallen box to Andrew. He gave Sam a knowing look as he passed by. He wasn’t very slick, though, you totally saw him.

“Listen, since apparently we’re soulmates and all, I’d love it if I got your number. I’ll take you somewhere nice to make up for all of the times I’ve gotten you hurt,” explained Sam.

You smiled bashfully, “That sounds nice.”

He handed you his phone and you input your digits. As Sam and Bucky were in the checkout line, your phone buzzed.

Hey, gorgeous. It’s your new man.

You giggled softly and looked up at him. He gave you an exaggerated wink and launched finger guns at you, making you laugh a bit harder. You entered his number into your phone and decided to send a text back.

Looking forward to you making up for all of those broken bones.

Me too.

You knew you’d be happy with him. Whenever the universe collided in this way, it always turned out for the best. If your parents and your roommate weren’t enough proof, soon you would discover it for yourself. You couldn’t wait for all of the memories you’d make together.

[deluweil]

This is my 4x12 review - skip if you haven’t watched yet.💖

In my opinion the whole Treasure Hunt thing, had a S2 bank mystery vibe about it. Like the silly calm before the storm, again in parallel to right before when Buck was hurt.

I knew the Author jerk is alive the second I saw the actor who played it, the was not one show where he guest starred and wasn’t a jerk 😂😂

So since I did my own version of live writing, I apologize if this is a bit disorganized.

We got so much buddie bread crumbs, that eventually felt like a meal at the end of the episode so let’s start with: Both boys in sunglasses - oh WOW! 🔥🔥  

Bobby sending Eddie with Chimney and Buck looking thoroughly unhappy to be separated from Eddie. They nod at each other and while Buck frowns at Chimney, Eddie crosses himself before going to get geared up.

It was a small gesture but very significant because Eddie has already crashed in a chopper (in 3x15 and watched Hen and Strand crash in the crossover) he knows what could go wrong.

Chimney’s “cheer up you can go next time” doesn’t really reassure Buck. I think a “we’ll be fine” or “I’ll keep him safe” would have calmed Buck’s nerves a lot more.

Can we discuss for a second how HOT!! Eddie looked doing the aerial rescue? I mean WOW, I watched it several times. 🥵🥵🥵

The 118 sitting together trying to figure out the riddle was funny, everyone thinking how it’s a bad idea to even consider this to be a real thing, except for Buck, of course. 😂

And while the others are already considering how freaking horrible the rest of their shift  is going to be like, because it’s all over the news thanks to Taylor Kelly’s story.

Eddie called Taylor - Buck’s “girlfriend”, but we don’t see his face, we do get to see it, when Buck stresses (for what feels like the millionth time from the sigh and tone of his voice) that she is his friend not his girlfriend.

Eddie’s “Yeah, sure, right.” face is priceless!!😂😂  

Buck and Taylor plotting together again, is always hilarious, those two are disaster magnets, it makes for good fun. What bothered me was that Buck offered Taylor to pair up, but re-watching, everybody’s reaction didn’t exactly originally encouraged a teaming up vibe.

However the problem with human nature is - everyone love to obsess over riddles. 😉😉

Eddie jumping through the window into the fire truck? epic!

Eddie did suggest to team up to Buck and I love that even after Buck told him he’s working with Taylor, the look on Eddie’s face melted Buck almost immediately and had him suggesting Eddie joins the two of them. 🥰🥰

The scene in Buck’s apartment, with the three of them Eddie is right between Taylor and Buck in the shot and kind of “talking to himself” was so funny. - Gave me a BBC Sherlock scene between Irene Adler, Sherlock and John.

The way Martin Freeman stole the scene just by dropping small comments. I gotta give it to Eddie, out of all of everything in that scene, Ryan performance is what I’m going to remember. - Acting choices were made all throughout this episode by both Oliver and Ryan.

Also can we talk about the fact that Eddie is now stating little bits of knowledge like Buck now - “I can know weird stuff too” from 4x03 is so haunting me, these boys have totally rubbed off each other. (get your minds out of the gutters... for now anyway 😉)

I love how Eddie and Buck sit down and scratch, just thinking about the fire ants 😂😂

Buck being lowered into the septic tank - notice, Eddie is the one handling the rope, again, his expression worried while Buck is still down there, especially after having to drop him into the water.

I have noticed that Bobby sent Eddie up in the chopper, but is reluctant to send him under ground still 😉🙃

Buck’s “come on” when Eddie and Bobby made a face and walked away from the stench was so funny. Also super adorable on Buck’s part. 

I love how Taylor keeps shutting Buck down, it’s amusing to watch now that I know how the episode ends.

Athena being done with idiots the entire episode was hilarious! Angela is a queen!

I loved that 9-1-1 dispatchers were running a bet of places where the treasure may be. (Josh’s “Who thought that was a good idea?” and someone shouting “not it!” had me in stitches 😂😂)

Let’s take a break from buddie for a second:

Hen and Chimney joining the race and Bobby trying to hide his research from Athena was so funny, I mean, she is a police sergeant, there was no way she wouldn’t figure him out.

Bobby planning a future together, a life after the job, and Athena shutting him down. I do think this is what will come between them eventually. Athena making a unilateral decision, without considering even talking about a future with Bobby that doesn’t revolve around them working until they’re either forced out or buried six feet under ground. 

I find it interesting because it’s usually the other way around, my mom has been working on my dad to retire for years now so they can travel before both of them are too old to do it. So I kinda get where Bobby’s coming from.

In parallel though, Athena making the unilateral decision like Eddie did when he re-enlisted in 3x15. I do hope Bobby and Athena manage to work things out, I love them together. 

Back to the hunt:

Of course Athena worked out where the treasure is, Karen built an algorithm, and Taylor apparently helping Buck and Eddie figure it out bringing all three teams together.

Athena looking to Buck and Eddie asking them if they seriously brought their gear with them and Eddie pointing at Hen and Chimney to divert the attention from them about their med-kits. - like children trying to justify themselves to their parents. 😂😂😂

Wasting time negotiating about the money was hilarious, especially with Taylor in the chopper hovering over them lmao.

And then there was probie - Jesus! I laughed so much.  😂🤦‍♂️

Also Buck’s “I’m not doing anymore math”, as a reference to “she taught me math”, Buck’s not doing that shit. He calculated enough for one day and he is done!  😂

I do like that Oli and Ryan’s marks are closer together again ❣❣❣  

Eddie: “We didn’t kill him”  Buck: “We just wanted to” Bobby’s “Shut up” face killed me.

Probie selling them out “I don’t know these ppl.” You don’t say shit like this as a probie 😂😂😂

Also Rick saying “I didn’t actually think it was” and I'm just enjoying the moment, was awesome. I like it when he shows up in episodes, he and Athena make a good and amusing team. 

Back to buddie bread crumbs:

Everyone in Bathena’s house, including Taylor, who took the place next to buck, leaving Eddie to sit directly in front of Taylor and next to Chimney. - The “At this point I don’t trust anyone.” cuts to Eddie’s face, that looked as if he’s saying “Seriously dude? hurtful” - The fact that Buck stopped and met Eddie’s reproachful gaze even though they are not directly in front of each other says so much! 

Also the “Stop for a second and think about what you said.” looks from Chimney and the others are very meaningful. (#everybody knows 😉)  Buck sticking his foot in his mouth and him backtracking are shot directly from Eddie’s perspective. - hmm, I wonder why…? 🧐🧐

And to complete the meal:

Taylor placing Buck directly in the Friend-Zone category, was genius. And while Buck and Taylor have a fun energy together it never really felt romantically oriented. Also I have a certain feeling that seeing Buck and Eddie interact, at Buck’s place and at Bathena’s house and not for the first time either, she knows it will not work between her and Buck.

Buck, trying to feel something more for her, even if in a gentler and way sweeter way than the cursed ship I will not name, it feels forced on his end too - and Taylor lets him off the hook in a gentle way too, I like her for that even more. 

I really hope we keep seeing Taylor in a friend capacity for Buck, I think it’s good for him to have support and someone to talk to outside the 118. And I will absolutely worship Taylor if she will be the buddie catalyst, I mean Megan does ship buddie too, it will only be appropriate 😉💖

The episode in itself was pretty nice, I would have probably enjoyed it more if I watched it before LS who absolutely kicked me in the feels today. But I do know that just like 9-1-1 2x15 I’ll go back and watch it like a million times because it is a fun episode to pass the time, and the buddie crumbs were delicious. 

The promo kicked me in the feels too, I will not discuss it here right now, but I do hope that that last part won’t be a cliff hanger and we’ll have to wait an entire week for the rest, two weeks of frayed nerves are a LOT to suffer through 🙈

Sending big hugs out there to whomever needs it 🤗🤗🤗

[mariamermaid]

Full of Surprises

JJ Maybank x fem reader

Summary: As JJ´s 18th birthday is right around the corner, you take it upon yourself to give him a worthy present…

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: does not follow plot of the show, mentions of blood

A/N: I recently watch OBX and totally loved it! Should I open request for the show?

 Heart of Gold and full of surprises, at least that´s what JJ always said about you. You came into the group of Pogue´s lastly, but you bonded quickly. Your parents were divorced and after living with your mother for several years, you had decided to move to your father´s since your mother was planning on marrying again. You didn´t get along with her new boyfriend, well fiancé, and with his two younger children, you felt like not having a place in the family anymore. More fights erupted and after long arguments, your mother finally agreed. Your father was born and raised in the Outer Banks, knew every inch and every stone and when you finally set foot on the island, you fell in love with it as well. Your father was one of the few middle-class man on the island, enough money on hand to live, have a small house and offer some peace.

It was Kiara who then brought you into the group and when you offered some homemade lemonade with sandwiches and freshly baked cookies, they all made some room for you in their hearts. Close to Miami, where you grew up, you were a city girl, but you enjoyed the island so much more and so did the people there. Most pogues, who had been living there for their entire life, where almost relieved to find you as your father´s daughter. They welcomed you with open arms and gave you a new home.

“Excited for tomorrow?” JJ tore you away from your thoughts and sat down next to you, his feet dangling in the water as well. You chuckled. “It´s your birthday, are you excited?”

“Well, technically my birthday is on Saturday, tomorrow just starts the party”, he replied and you playfully hit his shoulder. John B was driving the boat to the Chateau, also known as his home. Kie and Pope sat in the back, talking about who knew what exactly. JJ´s laughter died down as he became more serious, a rare sight on him. He shrugged. “It´s just a birthday, nothin�� gonna change.” “Eighteen, JJ! It´s a number to celebrate, legal to leave home and shit!”

You always imagined him being ecstatic about this day, the day where he could leave his shitty home and his shittier dad behind. Apparently, you were wrong. Your brows furrowed as you watched his blue eyes travel across the horizon of the swamps. “Where would I go?” He asked mindlessly and it almost broke your heart seeing him that way. It was rare when he showed his weak and vulnerable sides, but you would always be there for him. John B noticed how his friend became around you, how he let his façade slip, at least for some time. He hadn´t talked to him about it, but he knew Kie had begun to notice as well.

“Where would I wanna go without you?”

You arrived at the Chateau, and you cursed John B for not taking a wrong turn, not that he would ever do so by accident. The topic broke off with JJ, but you knew it wasn´t over yet. At a later point you would ask again, and again and again, until he would tell you the truth.

Sometimes it drove the group insane how hardheaded you were, especially when it collided with JJ´s stubbornness, however, your points were usually better and smarter. JJ would also never admit that he sometimes picked small fights with you, just to see you heated in the topic.

There wasn´t a single thing you couldn´t do, at least that´s how it seemed. You were an ace in school, especially languages, biology and psychology. The worst part? You didn´t even study half as much as Pope did. JJ and John B often made bets, who would get the higher score. You had a diving license and once, you made an entire dress for Kiara from total scratch, while being high. It looked absolutely amazing. You picked locks in under 40 seconds and baked the best cookies on the island. Together with JJ you had taken apart the engine of a car, and build it back together. You could open beer bottles with your teeth or a lip gloss and once at a party, you won an arm-wrestle against Rafe Cameron. To add to all of that, you worked part time as a waitress and not once, you forgot an order. You gave Kie all of her piercings and you stitched up both John B and JJ several times with needle and threat. You knew all the words to slim shady and every single song from any Disney movie.

If there was something you couldn´t do, you were at least down to learn it and work hard for it. It was one of the reasons why everyone in the group loved you so much, you always had an idea for an boring day or a solution to the newest problem. It was John B, who called you on the Friday afternoon to discuss a new problem, a few hours before JJ´s party would begin.

“This better be important JB, the lightning in your bathroom is terrible to do my make up in!” You exclaimed when entering his house, your backpack with the essentials for the party hanging over your shoulder. He was sitting at the kitchen table, blood running down his arm. Your backpack fell to the ground as you started quickly inspecting the wound. A branch was sticking in it.

“Why is there a branch sticking in you?” You asked while hurrying through the house to find the first aid kit. “I fell.” You saw how he scratched the back of his neck, an awkward silence following. You kneeled down again next to him, getting ready to pull the branch out. “You fell?”

“Yeah.”

“Doing what exactly?”

“Climbing-“ While he talked, you pulled the branch out and pressed down a disinfecting towel. “Sneaking out”, he corrected himself as he noticed your eyes twitching. You could always tell a lie. “From where?” “I… uhm… I don´t-“, he hissed in pain as you made the first stitch.

“From a girl´s house.” Finally, he had your attention and you raised your eyebrow while continuing to stitch. “A girl´s house? Who?” You wore now a grin and noticed how your friend began smiling as well. “John B? Pogue´s don´t lie to each other! Whose the girl?”

“Promise me not to tell the others, at least not for now.”

“Pinky promise.” “Sarah.” You almost pocked the needle in the wrong place and let out a small scream. “Sarah Cameron?!” “Yes, psht now!” You had just finished your work and while taking a last look on the wound, you leaned back and eyed John B. “So, that´s why you been smiling so lost in the past weeks!” 

“You´re not angry?” “They´re many kooks I don´t like, but Sarah? She´s a sweetheart, she sometimes comes to study when I work.” He sighed relieved and pushed his hair back. “I wish the rest would react as chill as you.” You chuckled. “Good luck telling them.”

“I was hoping you´d help me.” “Your girlfriend, not mine, Johny Boy.”

You pulled out two beers from the fridge and began eyeing the outfits you had brought with you. It didn´t help that the party would start soon, you would just get ready there. “What´s up with JJ by the way?” You asked as you held the red top in front of the mirror. “I was actually hoping you knew.” 

“Me?”

“C´mon, Y/n, he tells you everything! From what he had for breakfast to stories from his childhood, I didn´t even know about!” You hit his shoulder while making your way around the table again. “Oh, I would wear the dress, JJ loves it on you!” You sighed and took the ultramarine dress, changing in the bathroom, door slightly opened. “Okay so what? JJ and I talk a lot, what about it? I still don´t know what´s wrong! Yesterday he didn´t seem excited for his birthday at all!”

Leaving the bathroom changed into the dark blue wrap around dress you started fumbling around with your hair. John B shrugged; he was still leaning on the table. “I guess it´s about his dad.”

You let out a heavy sigh. “But that problem is gonna go away, he´s 18, allowed to legally leave home!” “And where should he go? JJ is too proud to move in with me or you, he thinks he´s a burden…” 

“He is not a burden! Do you know how often I already asked him to move in?” John B chuckled. “When you wear this dress, he´ll be ready to move into your bed.” You threw the shirt you had worn before against his head. Luckily, he didn´t see how you blushed and quickly changed the topic back again. “Whatever he thinks, I have the moving problem solved! Just wait for his present.” You explained with a proud smile, John B furrowed his brows. “What exactly are you giving him, Y/n?” Kie and Pope had JJ´s present discussed, but you had decided against the custom surfboard and wanted to give him something else. “It´ll be a surprise.” “You can´t even tell us!” “That´s what it makes it a surprise.” He gave you the puppy eyes, but you had your make-up bag in your hand and closed the bathroom door behind you. ���You´ll see, John B.”

“Always full of surprises.”

 When JJ arrived at the beach, everything was already ready. Kie and Pope had set up fairy lights and brought snacks. A few blankets were spread on the ground, since more pogues would be joining soon. Together with John B you heaved the keg of beer, which was the last thing missing. The second you set down the heavy keg, JJ approached. A huge smile spread on his lips. He wore a light shirt, opened at the front and a cap on his head, looking surfer boy good as always.

“Ready for your party?” Kie asked him as she gave him a hug. Pope looked at his watch. “Three hours left till midnight, till you´re 18!” JJ scratched his back, his eyes looking through the circle of friends. “All that matters that you´re all here with me”, he explained. Laughing you joined for a group hug. “It´s gonna be an amazing evening, promise!” John B exclaimed and you looked over JJ, a certain sadness still hiding behind his striking blue eyes. Within the next hour, more people came. Just before midnight, the group of teenagers outlined  about 30 or 40. You were just talking to some friends from school, when an arm slung around your shoulder. You didn´t even have to look up to find JJ, his cologne and the smell of liquor and smoke was unmistakable. He seemed a good amount of drunk and so did you. Soft music played in the background and JJ pulled you on the dancefloor. You giggled as your hands crossed behind his neck. “You know, I don´t need a present, right?” He finally spoke up and you grinned. “Man, you should´ve told us earlier!”

He let out a laugh. You knew JJ often felt uncomfortable when people made efforts just for him. “Trust me, you´ll love their present.” His brows furrowed at your comment and he slowed down the dancing. “Their?” You nodded slowly, avoiding his glance. “I can´t give you your present until tomorrow.” JJ still seemed confused and you both sat down on a thick branch from a fallen over palm tree. “What have you planned again, Y/n?” He asked smirking, but you shook your head. 

“A surprise.”

Suddenly John B approached, a little staggering from side to side, well a lot. “DUDE it´s twelve o´clock!” With that he pulled his best friend back on his feet and you followed the two, as John B led JJ to Pope and Kie, who held up the present proudly. From the form it was easy to tell that it was a surfboard, but the three had it customized by themselves. The had drawn the five people of your group as silhouettes surfing on the wave in front of the island. It looked amazing. “Happy Birthday!” They all grinned and Kie and you started singing, while JJ looked amazed at the board. “Guys! You didn´t have to!” “Yes, we did!” Kie immediately exclaimed. JJ eyes met yours and you shrugged. “Sorry you still have to wait.” John B sighed next to you. “She doesn´t even want to tell us, can you believe her, JJ?” JJ remained quiet, his eyes lingering on you. “Full of surprises.”

You woke up the next morning, snuggled next to JJ on John B´s couch. Your head still hurt a little, but after downing a glass of water and freshening up in the bathroom, you felt more awake. You barely remembered how you ended up on the couch, but it slowly came back to you. You had tried to bring JJ to sleep, but he was too clingy and made you stay. At that thought, you blushed. Glancing down on him, as you sat back on the couch. He still slept peacefully. Carefully you shook his shoulder and his eyes fluttered open, he started smiling.

“Mornin´.” “Hungover?” He shrugged and you offered him a glass of water as well. “I´ll wake up the other´s.” He groaned. “Why can´t we just stay here?” You threw a shirt, or whatever it was at him. “Your present!”

“LEFT TURN!” You screamed while John B hit the brakes, taking a sharp turn. “Jeez Y/n, next time you drive! Where are going anyway?” JJ, Kie and Pope were seated in the back, they all looked a little ill after you coordinated John B with absolute last-minute directions.  “STOP, we´re here!” You suddenly announced. It had only taken a 10-minute drive from the chateau, but now you were… In the middle of nowhere. You jumped out the van firstly, opening the back door for JJ and the rest. John B took a look around in the mean-time. “Where are we exactly?” Kie asked now as well. A few trees stood around, the water was near, but there was nothing really. You grinned from ear to ear. “You guys see where the water starts? And the post behind the van?” You asked excited and they all nodded confused. Especially JJ watched you slightly concerned. Then you pulled a few sheets of paper and presented them even more proud. JJ took them from you, and while he read them, you watched as his eyes widened. “You´re joking, right?!”

You shook your head. “Nope, this land is officially yours!” JJ let out a short laugh, and looked around again. “It belongs to me?!” “YES!” He couldn´t hold it in anymore and embraced you tightly, spinning you around in the air. “Y/n you´re crazy!”

Pope had taken the papers and nodded approving. Kie and John B laughed surprised. “Now you just need a roof to sleep under!” JB added. You grinned while JJ just didn´t let you go. He looked straight at you, his eyes not once tearing away. “Actually, there is this caravan at the junkyard, it´s in pretty good condition, could use some re-modeling. I think you could get it for a good deal?”

“You´re unbelievable”, JJ breathed again. You shrugged. “I thought you needed a good place to stay, what better than your own place?” He shook his head and just then, you realized how close he was to tearing up. “How can I ever thank you?” He asked whispering, his eyes still watery. “Just let me crash from time to time?” “You can move in with me, if you wanted to! I could live with you for the rest of my life!” JJ exclaimed before even realizing what he said, the group went quiet. You could watch from the corner of your eye, how Kie pulled Pope and John B away from the two of you. Rather awkwardly, you left the hug and JJ scratched the back of his neck.

“I didn´t mean… I didn´t… I... uhm…” JJ started rumbling. “Why not?” You blurted out and he looked up from the ground even more confused. He let out a chuckle. “I´ve known you for like forever and yet you surprise me.” You smirked and stepped a little closer to him.

“Would that surprise you?” You asked quietly and leaned on your tip toes to press your lips softly against his. JJ immediately leaned in and with both hands cupping your face, he held you closer and deepened the kiss. “This is by far the best birthday present.”

[fanfiction4thesoul]

What I See Part 4

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader

Word Count: ~1.9

Warnings: None

Summary: You’re headed back home to London after a few years in America. You’ve got a new job at EMI, thanks to your best friend Freddie and you’re ready to start the next chapter of your life. But navigating life is far more interesting when you see far more than anyone else.

A/N: Wow, okay. So it’s been a bit longer than I intended, but I’m back! Yay I suppose. Hope you guys like this small addition to the story and thank you to everyone that likes/comments/reblogs!!

Part 3

Finally, finally, it felt like you could make some real progress on the album. The day Roger came in without his ghostly friend following him was the day Freddie said he had a song he was ready to start recording.

The boys built their momentum the entire week, working collaboratively to make Freddie’s song the best it could be. There were arguments, but it was all in the name of fine tuning the song. Even though it wasn’t even close to complete yet (according to Fred), Brian even began tinkering around with a song of his own. In between everyone’s turn in the recording box, you and Roger were able to sneak some more time together.

So by the time the weekend rolled around and your date with Roger was the next day, you felt far more comfortable around him. You were able to sage the boy’s house a few days after you did the studio, but you weren’t sure how to protect yourself outside of physical places. You did a quick sage of the van, hoping that would help some. And with the very last of your sage, because damn you used a lot more than you anticipated, you saged yourself and your clothes for the day. Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn’t, but at least you were trying something.

You still hadn’t told Freddie anything about the spirit, but you weren’t really sure if you wanted to. How do you bring up that your friend has some sort of attachment? And, besides that, Freddie might not even care about it. You couldn’t help but think that Freddie should have noticed your discomfort more. Sure, he asked if you had a problem with Roger, but that was about it. Most of his time outside the studio is mostly spent alone, working on his songs. Well… maybe not alone. You had a feeling that Paul tailed Freddie whenever he went to fiddle around on his own.

You’d decide later if you wanted to tell Fred or not.

When you walked downstairs after fixing your outfit, you found Roger waiting for you in the sitting room, the ghost behind him only for a brief second before he disappeared.

“Ready to go, love?”

Roger reached his hand out, grabbing yours.

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

You squeezed his hand and he smiled as he led you out to the van. The drive to town was spent debating the quality of the songs that came on the radio. Roger was gesturing with one hand, taking any opportunity to glance your way. It was endearing in its own way, but it was also exciting seeing Roger so passionate about something. 

When you got to town, Roger parked the van and you immediately started walking the streets. He took your hand right away, tugging you along down the sidewalk towards some of the stores. 

There were a few clothing shops along the downtown strip that you went into. Roger picked out some clothes, pushing you into the small dressing rooms to try them on. He made you come out to show him, making your face heat up in the process. Each outfit was more ridiculous than the last, but every time you opened the curtain, his eyes lit up and his face broke out into a grin that you couldn’t help but mirror. 

You didn’t end up buying anything at the shops, the two of you were almost chased out by the store owners when they realized you weren’t getting anything. One older gentleman started yelling at you as you bolted from the shop, laughing as you burst onto the street. 

Roger bought you some ice cream from another little stall and you walked with your cones just enjoying the hot day. Eventually you found a record shop and the debate from the car continued anew.

“Rog, look! They have your record.” You called him over as you pulled out Sheer Heart Attack.

“Oh, man. I didn’t think they’d have it.”

He took the offered record, staring at the cover with a look of disdain.

“I really like this album, don’t get me wrong. But I absolutely hated this photo shoot.”

“Why’s that? I think it makes you boys look very sensual. I mean, just look at those naturally glistening pecs.” You said, teasing him a bit.

“Ugh, don’t say it like that, love. They had to douse us in Vaseline and then spray us with water. It was a right slippery mess… and not in a good way.”

You made a face.

“No offense Rog, but I don’t think there is a good way. That just sounds gross.”

“Yeah. It kind of was.” he smiled.

You took your time looking through the records, but when your stomach growled Roger laughed at you making you blush.

“Why don’t we find a place to eat, yeah?”

Dinner was at this rustic looking mom and pop place that seemed to be the main attraction of the town. It was the only place during the entire day that actually seemed busy. 

Roger sat on the same side of the booth as you and you tried to hide your surprise. He was far more touchy-feeling than you originally expected though; he always tried to establish some sort of contact with you. So really, you shouldn’t have been surprised while you ate dinner with his thigh pressed against yours.

The older waitress kept giving you and Roger looks, as if she was in on a joke. There was a kind, older spirit that followed her, staring at her in adoration. You assumed it was probably her husband.

On the drive home, Roger pulled you next to him on the bench seat, tucking you into his side with an arm wrapped around you. Yawning, you rested your head on his shoulder as he drove and before you knew it, you were out like a light.

You woke up briefly laying on your bed with a set of lips brushing against your forehead. Right before you drifted off again, you thought you heard Roger trip and curse on his way out.

~O~

The start of the next week saw you eating breakfast with the boys. Freddie laughed at your blush when Roger pulled you into his lap and started feeding you between his own bites. Watching John blush and turn away only made your face heat up even more. So much for being able to take on Roger; he just kept on surprising you.

Brian eventually herded everyone to the studio and you unwrapped yourself from around Roger to take your place behind the board. You cranked out more work on Fred’s song while Brian scribbled away at his own on the couch behind you.

When John said he had something to show the boys, all ears perked up. He passed around a sheet filled with lyrics.

“Darling this is amazing! Is this for Ronnie?” Freddie asked, passing the paper along to Brian.

John smiled and blushed. 

“Yeah. She’s just… well she’s just been incredible, especially recently. It’s not easy being married to a musician and with Robert now it’s even harder. So I wanted to tell her how much she really means to me.”

“It’s definitely got potential,” Brian said, passing the lyrics onto Roger. “What were you thinking about the guitar?”

As John answered, you watched as Roger’s brow furrowed the further he read on the page.

“Are you kidding?” He said, stopping the conversation between the others. “This isn’t-- this isn’t rock. ‘You’re my sunshine?’ ‘I’m happy at home?’”

“Well it’s meant to be more… soft rock, I guess?” John said after a moment.

“Are we a soft rock band? No! We’re a rock and roll band! This doesn’t belong on a rock record!”

“Now Roger, we agreed that all ideas get full consideration. If John wants to work on and improve the song, then we will.” Freddie tried to intervene. 

You picked up the discarded lyrics, reading them over as you bit your lip. They were cute and a beautiful ode to John’s wife. You could understand Roger’s reservation about being rock and roll, but you thought they could make it work.

“What do you think, darling?” Fred’s voice brought you out of your musings.

“Hm? What?”

“What do you think of the song?”

“I… don’t think I should have input on the band’s songs,” you said nervously. Really, you didn’t want to get in the middle of things. Especially with how you saw Paul trying to insert himself into the band’s dynamic.

“Come now. You’ll be the one helping us record it. And if our sound tech doesn’t think it’s going to sound good, then what’s the point?”

You hesitantly glanced at Roger, seeing the way he waited for your opinion with a frown on his face. “I like it. I’d love to work on it with you.”

John practically beamed.

Roger scoffed.

“There you have it,” Freddie said, plucking the lyrics from your hands. “We’re doing John’s song.”

Roger muttered “whatever” as he stalked towards his drum kit, not sparing you a second glance. You felt a pang of disappointment, but also of annoyance. Just because he didn’t like the song and you disagreed on it didn’t mean he could be an ass about it. 

Despite his objections and quite a bit of huffing, Roger still listened to John on the direction he wanted the drums. New songs always required a lot of fiddling before any recording actually took place. Roger’s mood improved some when the band switched back to Fred’s song and he was doing multiple takes on the drums. But he also didn’t sit with you at the soundboard to talk like he normally did.

At the end of the day, the band was still in one piece and you got some good recordings for Freddie’s song. The band filed out while you were putting away your equipment, promising dinner.

“You comin’ (Y/N)?”

You turned around to find Roger waiting for you by the door.

“...Yeah. Just give me a sec.” You finished storing the equipment before joining Roger by the door. Before you could breeze past him, he caught your hand causing you to stop.

“(Y/N), wait.” You paused as he looked at you with unease. “I didn’t mean to… I don’t know. Ignore you? Or make it seem like your opinion doesn’t matter. I just--” He ran a hand through his hair, musing it up. “I don’t like the song. But I’ll do what the band wants.”

“I think you’re forgetting something.” His face was searching and you raised an eyebrow. “The part where you actually apologize?”

“Oh! I’m sorry. Really. I know you’re just doing your job and Fred roped you into it.”

You searched his eyes for a moment, unsure if you thought he was sincere or not. “Okay. We’re allowed to have differing opinions. But just talk to me about it instead of pouting by yourself.” You poked his nose to ease the tension a bit. 

“I wasn’t pouting!” He objected, but his smile told you he was joking.

“I don’t know what you called that face you were making behind those drums, but I call it pouting.” You smiled up at him. “Thank you for apologizing.” Quickly, you shot up to give him a chaste kiss. In his surprise, he tried to chase your lips, but you pulled away smirking. “Now let’s get some dinner.”

You started him pulling out of the studio, laughing at his pout when you stopped. Standing next to the couch stood the ghost, frowning even more than before. You quickly turned away, forcing a smile at Roger as you guided him towards the house.

~

Taglist: @jennyggggrrr @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @butlegendsneverdie @natalieisfreeziing @the-moving-finger-writes @leghy @juliarvra

[darlinglissa]

no rest for the wicked

steph is just. so tired. and the batboys are so insufferable. just some shenanigans for 4,503 words.

summary: 

steph is a tired college student, just trying to make her way to her bachelor’s degree at least. doing this simultaneously with her nightly vigilantism is difficult and exhausting, but she makes it work dammit. she doesn’t even mind too much that her aforementioned nightly vigilantism comes with strange bat people that she isn’t fully convinced are people. but if one more tights-wearing, creepily-looming bat climbs through her window on her night off to actually complete an essay for once she’s going to make them write the six page essay for her, or so help her.

big big big thank you to @wisdom-walks-alone for being the best beta this girl could ask for!!!

read it on ao3!

Stephanie Brown is having what she likes to call a Shit Day. She’s just tired all around, and when it starts affecting her nightly hobby she starts to rethink her priorities for the first time in—she can’t remember when. Which then causes an existential crisis that she, at the ripe age of 21, should not be going through yet. Her crisis turns into an absolute nosedive of a tailspin when, of all the people in her life, Bruce “I’m Batman” Wayne notices that her help on the case is turning hindrance instead and tells her to take the next few nights off the case.

“It’ll still be there when you come back,” he says.

She may or may not stare at him for five minutes too long, and he may question his stance on asking her to work with them on the Falcone case of the week, but she goes home either way. Steph is not about to look this gift horse in the mouth, even if her entire view on life has shifted a solid eighty degrees to the right in less than two minutes. 

And boy, does she not regret her decision to go home. A full night’s sleep, an actual breakfast that isn’t from a drive-thru on her way to her eight am class that she’s always been perpetually late to, and she is on time to her class for the first time. In all honesty, Steph is living her best life in the first two hours of her day.

And it didn’t stop there: she’s on time to all three classes she has, she’s actually awake for the classes, and her notes are helpful instead of hopeless scribbles of random key words and names of people. She’s feeling like the student she always knew she could be, but was always too tired to be. 

When she gets home after her last class, she takes her time to shower and put on her comfiest pajamas, and make a dinner that isn’t frozen solid. The dinner is on the table, her books are opened and scattered around her, and Steph is feeling that ripe sense of productivity that has eluded her since she started offering the bats her help. With no risk of interruption—surely Bruce knew what a night off was when he offered her to take some—she eats lazily while working on some chemistry problems. 

She abandons the chemistry homework when she’s finished eating, and cleans her plate instead of throwing it in the dishwasher without a care. This productivity shtick ain’t so bad, it at least keeps her apartment cleaner—not clean, but cleaner.

Her planner is propped up against her bag, the day’s assignments actually written down neatly instead of rushed abbreviations that take an hour to decipher, and she gives it a look-over. Steph realizes that with this new downtime she’s been given she can actually get a head start on an essay due in a few days. “Head start” is used loosely, but starting it two days in advance is a new experience for her. She usually rushes the day of due to late nights on the streets and hopes it doesn’t actually look like it was rushed.

Blanket on, pillows fluffed behind her, and laptop fully charged, Steph settles into her couch to start this thematic essay that’s been gnawing at her mind since it was assigned. The introductory paragraph is slow to set up, but she can feel her brain gaining momentum as she puzzles out her argument. Her brow is furrowed and her fingers are flying across the keyboard, with the backspace having the most hits. She’s getting there, she is, her thesis is coming together so nicely and her ideas are flowing freely, she hasn’t felt adrenaline from something other than freefalls in...months? Years? Her fingers stutter and she rereads her thesis. This is such bull—

A knock on her window almost has her sprawled on the floor, and her hands catch her laptop at the last possible second. Her head snaps over to the window and there, in all his black and blue spandexed glory, was Dick Grayson, in his stupid skintight spandex suit and his stupid sheepish but pained grin, bleeding on her fire escape. Which she just cleaned her own blood off of. 

Irritated didn’t cover the slight boiling she could feel in her veins. She gives one last look at her document as she places her laptop on the coffee table, and another knock resounds through her living room.

“Okay! Okay. You win this round, Night-dork.” Steph goes over to her window and opens the hatch, letting the first Boy Wonder climb—more like fall—into her apartment. Her eyes follow his form as he all but crawls to her kitchen’s island, his domino being tossed onto the counter carelessly. She follows slowly, trying not to hate the man before he’s done anything other than exist, and maybe breathe, in her apartment. “Thanks for not bleeding on my carpet, too.”

Dick glances up at her before going back to his search for her first aid kit. “My pleasure, courtesy is my middle name.” His voice is strained, but his demeanor is purposely relaxed.

“Your middle name is John.” She watches him struggle, eyes darting from him at the cabinet above her fridge, where he’s reaching up even though it’s obviously hurting him, to the drawer beside her sink where her first aid kit is tucked away.

“It’s close enough,” he says with a tight shrug. He continues to search through her baking sheets and cooling racks.

Realizing he won’t be leaving that cabinet for a while, Steph sighs and pushes his body to the right drawer. He turns that sheepish-but-pained grin at her again, and she just pushes it away from her with a groan. Dick takes a heavy seat on one of her island’s stools, opening the kit with his non-bloody hand.

“It’s my day off. Do you know what that is?” she asks him, eyeing the needle and thread in his hands with mild interest as he misses the needle’s eye twice before taking it and threading it herself. Exasperation bubbles to the surface, and after Dick starts stitching his side she shuffles away to the couch. That grin seems permanently fixed on his face whenever she looks at him, so she stops looking at him and busies herself with folding the blanket that fell to the floor with her. “It’s this really cool thing where I stay home and not do what I would normally do. Like deal with your blood in my apartment.”

For a brief moment only Steph’s defeated sigh and Dick’s pained breaths are all that can be heard, and then Dick breaks it between stitches. “Yeah, sorry about this.” That grin is facing her and she looks at the blanket like it has a map that will lead her out of this conversation. Hell, out of this entire interaction. “You were the closest safe house, and I had a bit of a...situation.” He gestures to his side meaningfully with his head, as if Steph has no idea what situation he could possibly be referring to. “Hey, can you hand me the scissors?”

Dropping the blanket on the couch, Steph grabs the scissors from the other side of the island and hands them to him. He thanks her softly in that Earnest and Sincere Dick Grayson way, which makes it increasingly hard to be irritated with him, which in itself is irritating. He cuts the thread and ties it off a little sloppily, but effectively. 

“There, all done and no one’s dead.” Dick stands up, grunting only slightly as he does so, and sets everything back in the first aid kit. 

Steph notices that he puts it all in more neatly than it had been to begin with—she’s always in a hurry to get it back in the drawer and get to bed, don’t judge—and begrudgingly takes it when he hands it to her gently. She can feel Dick’s eyes on her as she puts it in its drawer, then she turns to face him, leaning against the drawer as it shuts. “Okay, you’re no longer in danger of dying, and I have an essay to write, so shoo.” She makes a shooing motion with her hands. 

Her weight is fully being supported by her counter and Dick is looking at her with his kicked puppy eyes that make her give in sooner than she would like to admit. Steph slumps down a little more, legs stretched out in front of her and feet flat against the floor. She meets his gaze head on, feeling all the productivity and triumph from the day drain out of her so fast she’s a little dizzy. “What.”

His pout deepens, and she can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing. “I feel bad, Steph.” Dick leans into the stool’s back and flattens his hands on the island’s counter. “I didn’t mean to intrude.” 

And there’s the Dick Grayson Guilt Trip. 

Steph’s eyes trail over to her laptop one last time, the screen gone black from inactivity. She huffs a laugh, because this is her life, and it actually feels more real with a newly-stitched up dude in her kitchen than writing an essay early. For the second time in less than two days she finds herself having a mini crisis, but Dick’s puppy dog eyes snap her back. Steph rolls her eyes, dragging herself to her fridge. “You’re not intruding, Dick.” 

Dick’s grin goes from sheepish to genuine with a touch of triumph, and he leans his body forward against the counter. “Great! So how does a nice midnight snack sound?”

She looks away from the orange juice she’s pulling off the shelf to stare at Dick in distrust. “You aren’t going near my stove, Grayson. I don’t need a small fire to deal with on top of my bloody fire escape.” A glass is taken from the shelf beside the fridge, and as she pours the juice into it she lets herself grin at Dick’s spluttering. 

“I wouldn’t burn your kitchen down this time! I’ve gotten better,” he promises, pointing a red stained finger in her direction. Steph continues to stare at him with that deadpan expression she practiced from Alfred, though she knows hers isn’t half as successful as the stern butler’s. “I’ve been practicing!”

“Well, you can practice somewhere that isn’t my kitchen. I’ll make us pancakes if you stop looking at me like I took Jason’s gun to your favorite suit,” she says, bringing her glass to her lips. 

Dick nods, pointedly looking away from her and over at the laptop on the coffee table, and wisely stays silent for the moment.

Steph whips the batter up as quickly as she can, flour settling on her shirt and the counter despite her careful measuring and whisking. The stack of pancakes towers on her chipped plate, and when the batter runs out she splits them between the two of them. 

They eat in relative silence, until Steph breaks it when she finishes eating, feeling exhaustion seep into her bones. She eyes the clock on her microwave, the green numbers flashing 12:45; her 9:30 class crosses her mind like a neon sign saying go to bed, dumbass. Tense hands rub at her eyes before she pushes her chair back.

 “This has been a lovely, if not bloody, visit,” she says, picking up her plate and stealing Dick’s even though he still had a couple bites left.

“Hey!”

She ignores this maturely, cleaning the plates and feeling satisfaction in her petty revenge. “But it’s getting late and I’m tired. You know the exit.”

Without waiting to make sure he actually leaves, Steph drags herself to her bedroom and kicks the door shut with her foot. In the next moment she’s face down on her bed and passes out when her head hits the duvet.

Surely tomorrow will be better is the last thought that dashes through her sleep-muddled mind.

---

Tomorrow isn’t better. She sleeps through her alarm, and misses her first class. She curses Dick’s name her whole drive to campus while she chugs coffee. She doesn’t even like coffee.

The one class she’s able to make it to sucks the joy of life out of her, and when she tries to heat up the leftovers she brought with her for lunch the microwave went up in flames.

(Yeah, Bruce will be the one getting that bill.)

Steph trudges into her apartment and just as she closes the door she realizes that she still has that essay, and she really doesn’t want to have to do it all on the last day possible. She doesn’t even have a complete introduction paragraph.

So she makes a nice batch of waffles to help lick her wounds, and when she’s full and feeling slightly better she sets forth to spite-finish her essay.

Her essay is actually coming along, one body paragraph finished and her argument set in stone, and she’s feeling that satisfaction building in her gut. A smile is tugging at her lips, and the idea of finishing it early is seeming more plausible. 

But then her window is being slammed open and a small body is shoved through.

Stephanie most definitely does not scream, and she will forever deny it.

Timothy “Pain in Steph’s Ass” Drake climbs in after Damian—who’s becoming increasingly feral by the second—and the laptop is abandoned once again. Unlike last night, Steph has no hopes of getting back to the document and has resigned herself to her fate of finishing it all tomorrow.

Steph eyes the feral child practically vibrating with rage, then looks over at Tim, who appears to be as calm as can be when paired with a murderous child. After shutting the window behind him, Tim gives a little wave, pulling his domino off with the motion. “Hey, honey, I’m home?”

All that satisfaction left her in droves, and she stalks over to her laptop and shuts it with a snap. 

Out of the corner of her eye she can see Tim flinch just barely, and a smidge of satisfaction returns, but it’s quickly taken away when she notices Damian’s glare has settled on her. The sigh that leaves her body is heavy and tired, but she pushes forward and leans against the back of her couch to stare them down nonetheless.

“Tim, babe, what the hell do you want on my night off?” Steph crosses her arms over her chest, resting her chin in one of her palms. She glances over at Damian again but looks away from his piercing green eyes that promise pain. “And why does the bat-brat look ready to put me in a real grave?”

Tim turns to Damian with a grimace, and tries to start explaining, “You’re the only one technically available tonight, so—”

Damian cuts him off sharply. “So you need to help us with this lead so we can leave and attend more pressing matters. After all, crime doesn’t take nights off.”

Tim hides his face in his hands, muffling a groan. “I told you to let me do the talking.”

The smaller boy turns on his heel, his cape fluttering behind him, making him look just like Batman after a scolding for a night gone worse than it should have. “I agreed to nothing of the sort, Drake.” He walks like he’s commanding the room, rummaging through Steph’s fridge as if he has the right. Like he’s Bruce Wayne and could buy her out of house and home. 

(Well, he actually could, in all likelihood.)

Steph doesn’t like the comparison her mind is making, so she interrupts before it can go any further. “I don’t care who does the talking, just give me the info so you can leave faster.”

Tim’s hands run down his face and he looks at Steph pleadingly. “I know it’s your night off, but no one else would answer their comms and we really need an extra pair of eyes on this case. We’re driving ourselves crazy looking at the same clues over and over.”

Steph sighs, and takes in the bags under Tim’s eyes and Damian’s tensed shoulders. She lets out a groan, leaning against the couch back even heavier and getting a sense of deja vu with this feeling of defeat. “Okay.”

Damian scoffs from his place at her fridge before he moves on to browsing through her cabinets. “Of course you will, it’s your duty.”

Tim interrupts before Steph can retaliate with her, arguably, witty and biting remark. “Great, thank you, I love you, please look at the file.”

She begrudgingly takes the folder from her boyfriend’s hand, moving to plop on the couch. Papers are strewn about within seconds, and as Steph scans the information her mind is happy to have something more familiar to focus on. 

It’s quiet aside from pages shuffling and Damian finally finding suitable tea bags, filling her kettle with water. Tim settles down next to her, relaxing for what must be the first time tonight.

“Got stuck with Bruce Jr.? What’d you do to get that sentence?” she asks, eyes not leaving the pages.

Tim scoots in closer. “I was the only one who didn’t have an excuse not to work with him.”

Steph’s pen circles and connects a few sentences, and she hands the paper to Tim. She moves on to the next paper, scanning for pertinent facts, adding more circles and lines. “Dick wouldn’t take him tonight?”

He looks over her shoulder, taking papers as she passes them off and connects the dots she’s connecting. “He’s on medical leave. Stab wound, I think?”

Her pen stops mid-circle before she forces herself to finish the marking. “Yeah, that was a thing.”

“‘That was a thing’?” Tim asks as he leans back, staring at Steph in mild confusion. 

“Yeah, he used my needle and thread last night. Didn’t think it would actually be an issue for him,” she says as calmly as she can, very aware of the unhappy child pouring boiling water a few feet behind them. 

Sensing her forced nonchalance—and glancing back at Damian before looking back at her—he drops it. 

“It’s the bodyguard, he’s the link,” she declares, pushing the papers into the folder and the folder into Tim’s lap. “Good luck, he’s built like a linebacker.”

Damian sniffs derisively, sipping his tea like the snooty brat he was raised to be. “If I had had another half hour—”

“Thanks, you’re the best,” Tim says loudly, giving Damian a look. Damian just huffs and turns back to his tea. Tim gives Steph a kiss on her cheek before standing and putting his domino back on. “Damian, we should get going so we can get some intel before we have to head home.”

Steph jumps up and slides the window open, happy to let the two walking headaches exit her premises. “Yep, you should get going, little demon.”

Damian sneers at her, but finishes his tea and puts his mug in the sink. “Thank you for your hospitality, brat-girl.” He walks past her to the window ledge, sliding out to the fire escape. “The state of your fire escape is appalling.”

“Yeah, whatever bat-brat, go annoy that bodyguard for a while,” she replies, giving him a slight push as she walks by to go put his mug in the dishwasher and avoiding the right hook thrown back at her. She passes Tim and gives him a quick kiss while pointedly ignoring Damian’s age-appropriate hiss of disgust. 

“See you Friday?” Tim asks before he follows Damian out the window.

Steph looks back from the sink, and smiles. “Yep, as always.”

Tim disappears from her fire escape and Steph’s shoulders fall slightly. After the dishwasher is turned on because she’s a responsible adult and chores are her bitch, she falls into bed.

Tomorrow, she thinks, is another day, huh?

---

Steph wakes up to sunlight filtering through her curtains and 11:14 on her alarm clock. The light bugs her into getting up, but she feels rested enough as she stretches her joints. She takes a hot shower, and gets into comfy sweats and a sweater.

Thursdays will be her favorite day for the next two months. No classes make for a relaxed and mostly productive day, if not wonderful for her sanity.

So she takes her time making a nice breakfast of eggs and toast, and after unloading the dishwasher and putting her breakfast dishes into it, she’s feeling happy and productive. Her laptop is open and ready, and she settles in for the long haul to finish this goddamn essay.

She’s working at a steady pace, getting into the zone of writing about themes and connecting ideas and only semi-hating it. The time passes quickly, and she’s halfway to her six page minimum and mentally screaming because she’s gotten this far, she can finish it on time for the first time in years.

It’s when she’s just reached the middle of her fourth page that her window is smashed to pieces, glass littering her floor.

Steph is ready to cry.

But she’s been taught—well, she inferred from a few grunts—to use emotion as a driving force and grabs her slugger from under the couch and swings it at the figure, who is distracted by trying to avoid the shards of glass underfoot. Through his lapse of attention, he doesn’t dodge fast enough.

Jason now has a bruise blooming on his right shoulder blade, his face contorted in pain before twisting into a scowl aimed at Steph. Normally, it would have been effective, and it would have been if Steph wasn’t so angry and stressed. She drops her bat, and it rolls under her coffee table.

“It’s the middle of the fucking day, why the everloving fuck are you running around in your furry suit, you jackass?”

Jason’s scowl deepens, offense written over every inch of his face. He brushes glass off his shoulders, letting the pieces clatter against their kin on the floor. “I am not like the bat-freaks, Brown. I was trying to go undercover in a drug gang’s meeting, but I was found out. I lost them a few blocks back, so I had to move to a safe location before they caught my trail again. I caught sight of one of the guys just as I was climbing up so I was a bit rushed. You were closest, don’t be thinkin’ anything of it, you wouldn’t be my first choice if I had a choice.”

“Oh boy, you sure know how to make a girl feel special, Todd.” She stalks over to the closet in the hall, and when she’s back in front of him she hands him the broom and dustpan.

He takes it and just stares at it for a second before looking back up at her with an eyebrow raised. “You’re kidding me.”

Steph shakes her head. “Nope.”

Jason heaves a sigh, but starts sweeping the glass into a pile. As he cleans his mess, Steph looks over at the microwave clock. 4:06. She curses under her breath, rubbing her eyes for a moment to relieve the headache coming on.

“Did I interrupt something?”

She lowers her hands, crossing her arms, to see Jason looking up at her questioningly. She shrugs with one shoulder, glancing at her laptop. “Only an essay that the universe doesn’t want me to finish on time. No biggie.”

Jason hums lightly with a nod, brushing the glass into the dustpan, but doesn’t say anything more. An idea sparks in Steph’s muddled brain, and she eyes Jason’s hunched form with more interest.

“Hey, Jay, you like literature, right?” A content smile plays on Steph’s lips.

Jason glanced up, but stopped his motion as soon as he caught sight of the cat who ate the canary. “I...dabble.” He hesitates, as if he doesn’t want to finish his thought, but he does anyway. “Why?”

“Well, you see, my dear Jaybird—”

“—Don’t call me that—”

“—this essay is on Persuasion, which I didn’t actually read? Anyway—”

“—didn’t actually read, what the fuck is wrong with you—”

“—I’m writing about the theme of appearances, and my argument is actually kinda strong?”

Jason throws the glass into the trash can, then moves to sit on the couch and grabs her laptop. “All right. Open the doc.”

Steph grins, taking the laptop and doing as he asked. It worked. It was the longest of shots and it fucking worked. He reads what she has and gives honest—and really harsh?—critiques, picking her essay apart.

“Then fix it!” she exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. She can only take so much criticism before it gets on her nerves. “How do I structure it, oh, master writer? If my quotes are so stupid, what quotes would be better?”

Off the top of his head, Jason lists three quotes. And she has to admit it: they fit her argument perfectly. She grumbles as she flips through the book to find the quotes.

As he rambles on about the theme and effective arguments, Steph absentmindedly reflects that this would have been a great punishment if he didn’t look like he was enjoying it so damn much. In fact, it makes her connect school to Jason, and how he was a really good student from what Alfred says.

His borderline monologue is cut off as Steph sits up and looks at him curiously. Jason realizes that she hasn’t been listening and gives her an unamused look. “Really?”

She ignores him. “Why didn’t you go on to college?”

Taken aback by the random question, Jason looks more like a deer in headlights than the terrorizer of Gotham’s crime syndicate. “Uh, because I’m legally dead?”

Steph rolls her eyes. “Please, your dad’s the wealthiest guy in Gotham, he can pull some strings in the right places.” She stops at the angry fire building in his eyes at the mention of Bruce and backtracks like the expert she is. “Or you could literally make a fake identity? You’re a crime lord, you aren’t above fake identities, are you?”

Jason looks lost in thought for a moment, before seamlessly returning to his essay argument-turned-rant as if he hadn’t even stopped. Steph notes the sore subject and actually pays attention this time around, fixing the essay with his help.

---

For the first time in weeks, Steph barges through Jason’s window with a crazed grin on her face.

“Uh, what the fuck are you doing here?” Jason asks from his stove, water boiling beside him.

She doesn’t reply, just walks over to him with a bounce in her step, shoving a stack of papers in his face. The red A is clear as day, and Jason will forever deny the proud grin and high five that overtakes him in that moment.

[rossmccallsqueen]

6AM

Pairing: Brian May x Reader

Summary: You just couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to prove himself.

Warnings: Some angst, lots of swearing, allegations of cheating, some fluff mixed in there

Word count: 2.1K

Requested: kind of?

“Get the HELL out Brian, I’m fucking done with your shit.”

You were so mad you didn’t even have the energy to yell anymore. It had passed that point a long time ago but now you were absolutely done. It was six in the goddamn morning and Brian had just walked in the door five minutes prior.

There was a Queen gig the night before, one of the finale shows in London for the Day at the Races tour. As always there was a huge party afterwards even though there was still another show the next night. But you knew there were parties every night, it didn’t matter what they had going on the next day.

“Come on Y/N, let’s just go to bed love.” He tried to go up the stairs and you stopped him.

“I said GET. OUT. BRIAN.” Your voice firm, you stood your ground.

“What the hell is your problem?” It took everything you had in you not to sigh heavily.

“What is my ‘problem’ Brian? You wanna know what my fuckin problem is? YOU. You are my problem. You never show up when you say you will. You said you wanted to celebrate just me and you.”

“I know baby, we will tomorrow!”

“Did I say I was done?” Brian blinked, “You come home every night smelling like someone else. Do you think I’m fucking stupid Brian? Because that sure as hell isn't my perfume. I know what you do when I’m not around. I’ve put up with your shit for way too long and I’m tired of it. I deserve way better than you.” Your last sentence made him look like he’d taken a punch to the gut.

“Can I at least get some of my things?”

“Not now. You can come back tomorrow when I’m out. Get out Brian, I’m done.” He starts walking towards the door with his jacket, a sad look on his face.

“Are you going to come to the last show?” He asked as he’s about to leave. You didn’t answer, all you did was turn around and walk back up the stairs. When you were at the top you heard the door close and then you knew you were truly alone.

You touched your stomach and realized what you’d done. You were eight weeks pregnant and you’d just kicked the father out of the house. He had no idea. What the hell had you just done?

The next morning you were woken up by the phone ringing over and over again. You’d let it ring the first two times but whoever was calling wasn’t going to give up. You had a feeling you knew who it was anyway.

“Hello?” You said half asleep.

“Y/N? How are you doing this morning love?” Freddie’s voice rang through the phone/

“I’m tired Freddie. What do you want?” You tried not to sound angry, it wasn’t Freddie you were angry at.

“Brian showed up to my house this morning all distraught. Could you talk to him darling? He’s terribly sorry.”

“I’m sorry Freddie, but no. I can’t do it anymore.” You ended up explaining the whole thing to him. At the end he said he understood, but asked if you would still come to the last show. You only agreed to come if you didn’t have to be near Brian, so Freddie said he would arrange for you to be with Dominique and be distracted.

After all, you had been there for a lot and it wouldn’t be right if you just missed it. Even if Brian has to be a part of it. Once you got off the phone you got up and got ready for your day. You were just going to have lunch with a friend, the day would be fine.

Freddie arranged for a car to pick you up and bring you to the show. It was weird arriving to a Queen show by yourself as you usually showed up with Brian, but you told yourself it was fine. Dominique, Roger, and Freddie greeted you backstage as per usual, getting settled to watch the show.

You decided to stand behind Rogers kit to watch the show, not a bad view for a change. You’d never seen Freddie be so energetic on stage before and it was amazing to watch. Continuing to keep your eyes off Brian, you somehow managed to enjoy the show.

“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink Y/N? Not even a vodka tonic or something?” You we’re running out of excuses to tell Dominique why you weren’t drinking. The plan had been to keep it a secret for as long as you could.

“Yeah I’m fine Dominique!” You said with a smile.

“You aren’t drinking? You’re not pregnant are you?” When you didn’t answer, her eyes went wide. She tried to open her mouth to speak but you stopped her.

“No one else knows, not even Brian. I don’t want anyone to know right now.” She asked you a few questions and managed to swear her to secrecy, but you had no idea how long that would last. Tonight was the last show and then you could avoid everyone for awhile, or at least minimize how much you went out besides work.

Of course you stayed a little for the after party, humoring Freddie and pretending to participate in the toast. You managed to quietly say goodbye to a few people and snuck out the back. Your car was still waiting for you, and you couldn’t wait to get home. Somehow you had to figure out a plan but right now that plan needed to be staying away from Brian.

Slowly over the next few weeks, every time you came home you noticed a few more of Brian’s things gone. He was staying with Freddie for a while but you didn’t know for how long. You saw the band every so often, with Veronica and Dominique popping by occasionally to say hello. You kept busy with work when you could, dealing with clients mostly from home.

“When are you going to tell him Y/N?” Dominique asked one day. You were almost four months at that point, only starting to show a little bit. It was still easily hideable for a little while longer.

“When he decides that I’m more important than whatever he does when I’m not around.” She knew you had a point, but that didn’t make the situation any less complicated. By then Freddie had figured it out as well, and Roger had found out from Dominique.

Occasionally you’d pick up things for the baby, which you’d found out was a girl. Secretly you hoped she would have Brian’s curls but you would never admit it to anyone.

Things got kind of lonely sometimes but you knew it was for the best. At least a few times a week you’d get a call you knew was from Brian because he always called twice if you didn’t pick up. You never answered. That wasn’t a conversation that should happen over the phone and he should know that.

The only thing you knew was that you were keeping her. You’d started to set up a nursery in the room next to yours so that she wouldn’t be far from you. You didn’t even want to be that far from her and she wasn’t even born yet. While you were laying down that day, Roger called to say he was dropping by. A little unusual since he was always with Dominique when he came over.

You managed to get yourself downstairs by the time he arrived, as moving around wasn’t your favorite thing these days.

“Brian wants to come see you. I told him that someone would have to speak to you first.” He didn’t even hesitate in asking, something you admired about Roger. You looked down at your stomach and touched the small bump that was there.

“He knows Y/N. He really wants to make it up to you.” You almost freaked out hearing that he knew, but you knew it killed Freddie to hide things so you knew it had happened somehow. He was going to find out eventually.

“Fine. He can come this weekend.” After a cup of tea, Roger excused himself to get back to the studio. They were already recording the next album. The next day, Veronica came over to take you for a day of shopping. You didn’t mind as it would get your mind off Brian, but that didn’t make you any less anxious about it.

You hadn’t even noticed you’d been out the whole day until you saw the time when you got back to Veronica’s car. It was almost dinner time and the fact that you were eating for two made it feel like you were starving.

“I’ll get your bags Y/N, don’t worry!” You nodded, relieved. Veronica followed you upstairs and you opened the door to put the new things for the baby in her room.

“Y/N WAIT DON’T.” You didn’t even hear her as you’d already opened it. Inside we’re John and Brian, and an almost fully done nursery. There was a crib, the walls were pink and purple with clouds all over them, a changing table next to the crib, and even a rocking chair. You’d never said anything about how you wanted it to look, to anyone.

“Nice to see you Y/N, you look lovely. We’ll give you two some privacy.” John nodded to you, following Veronica out of the room.

“What are you doing here Brian?” You asked.

“I needed to come see you. I know about the baby, someone let it slip at the studio. I couldn’t let you do this by yourself.” He stepped a little closer to you, but you backed away.

“I’m doing just fine on my own, Incase you haven’t noticed. What’s the real reason you’re here?” You knew he had another reason. People didn’t just change overnight, especially rockstars stuck in their ways.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I don’t know how else to say it.” His face looked heavy and his eyes sadder than you’d ever seen them, “I’m so so sorry. I’m not a great person, I know that. But I’ve been working on it. Ask the boys, I don’t go out all the time anymore. I swear I haven’t been with anyone else.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” Your questions seemed harsh but you weren’t going to take him back just like that.

“I don’t know. I swear it’s true. Ever since I left I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Once I found out about the baby I haven’t been sleeping. All I want is to be able to be there for the two of you. I want us to be a family more than anything. Please, Y/N. I will spend every day for the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise.” At this point he was down on his knees, almost at your feet.

Brian was never one to grovel. Ever since that night you’d held a grudge, but everything in you was telling you to let it go. You’d wanted a family for a long time and now you had it. All you had to do was forgive him, but it wasn’t that easy.

“Stand up Brian.” He did, wiping the tears from his cheeks. You’d only seen him cry a few times before and definitely not like this.

“Brian, look at me.” His eyes met yours, for the first time in awhile.

“You have to promise you’ll do better. You have to set an example for our daughter, she deserves that. If you can do that, we can be a family.” You smiled. You wanted happiness and so did Brian. Both of you had been hurting long enough.

“I promise, oh my god I promise I promise I promise.” He kept repeating that over and over between kissing you, holding your face in his hands. When he was done, he rested his forehead against yours.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” He whispered. “I know.”

He bent down, kissing your stomach a few times. He felt something and he looked up at you.

“She knows her Daddy is home.” He stayed there for a little while longer as you could tell he felt bad for missing so much. She’d been kicking for weeks and almost never stopped, but you knew it would make Brian happy. The healing process could finally begin.

—————

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Masterlist Masterpost <- right there!

[stormtrprinstilettos]

Fun’s For Free - Chapter 5 (Roger x Reader) (smut)

Summary: It’s 1978 and you’re assigned to follow Queen on their North American tour to promote their new album. Only problem is the magazine you write for has not been kind to the band in the past, and someone has a hard time letting go of that fact.

Series Masterlist here!

In this “episode”: More? What does that mean?

Word Count: ~3.7K

Warnings: Language, smut (oral) and even some fluff. 18+

[A/N: I’m seriously blown away every time someone asks to be tagged in any of my stuff. Thanks to all of you who have ever sent me a kind word on anything I’ve ever posted here. It really means a lot. Hope you all keep enjoying this story. I know I say it all the time, but this one is really fun to write!]

November 12, 1978 – somewhere around Cleveland More. He wants more. What is more? You haven’t found out. The two of you hadn’t had the chance to talk since he told you that two days ago. It was driving you crazy, but you couldn’t focus on that. There was finally peace and quiet on the bus – everyone was sleeping except for you, so you were taking the chance to write. After Boston tomorrow night and Providence the night after, there would be four days in New York – your home base – and Mike, your editor, was expecting the first part of your article to be turned in.

You were so focused on writing that you didn’t notice your company until he started to quietly chuckle as he sat next to you. “Such concentration,” you hear Roger say before looking up at him. “And those glasses? You look like a sexy school teacher.” You roll your eyes and throw your pen at him. “I hope you’re only writing nice things about me in there.”

“So I shouldn’t put this part in about how you’re incredibly annoying and a major pain in my ass?” you ask with a cheeky smile.

“At least put in there that I’m good in bed.”

“Now why would I want to ruin my reputation like that?” you joke. “I’m still hoping to snag Roger Daltrey. It’ll never happen if he knew I let you have me.”

He smirks at your joke and chuffs when he accepts the fact that he can’t come out with a retort to it. “Tell me something about you. Your dreams, your fears. Your likes and dislikes.” He starts to chuckle. “I need to know you more than just intimately.”

“Well, I’m living my dream. I always wanted to be a writer,” you start. “I’m scared of heights and failure. I like sunny days and chocolate cake and I don’t like pineapples and boredom.”

For the next hour, you and Roger sit together on the bus, talking – not arguing. The conversation flowed smoothly, the laughter was immense and often, and you don’t think the smile ever left your face, or his. You don’t know how it went from complete loathing between the two of you to this, but it did; neither of you wanted to question it. It felt… right. It felt like this was how it was all supposed to be. You finally realize may be the “more” that Roger wanted.

“You’re sleepy,” he murmurs with a soft smile, noticing your heavy eyes. “I’ll let you sleep.”

He starts to stand up but you pull him back down. “No!” you whisper loudly. “Stay.” He sits back down and you put your head on his shoulder. He, in turn, wraps his arm around you and holds you close, and you both drift off to sleep.

November 13, 1978 – Boston, Massachusetts You and Roger woke up before everyone else, so it was easy to keep your little secret. Confusion was abound, however, when the two of you managed to walk off the bus and into the hotel lobby without arguing about something. “Are you feeling okay?” John asked, somewhat joking. “You haven’t had an argument in two days.” You roll your eyes and giggle before walking into the elevator to go to your room.

For the show tonight, you’re sitting with the rest of the press in front of the stage instead of on the side like you normally do. That’s where you meet Charlie, a reporter for one of the local newspapers. He’s tall, he’s got a nice body, he’s funny, he’s got great hair, and a great voice… basically everything you’ve ever looked for in a one night stand, but you weren’t looking for one.

Keyword: Weren’t.

After the show, Charlie followed you backstage. You introduced him to Freddie, John and Brian and left him to chat when you went look for Roger. You found him. With a girl, of course. It wasn’t any different than any other day, but tonight it stings.

So you invited Charlie back to the hotel for some drinks. And then to your room. But he was so drunk nothing happened. You were relieved, actually, but his snoring is making it impossible for you to sleep. Frustrated, and looking for any reason to leave the room, you throw on a sweatshirt over your tank top, slip on some shoes, grab the room key, and go for a walk. You have no idea where you’re going, but you had to get out of that room.

When you make it to the hotel lobby, you see Roger sitting at the bar alone. “Well this is something I’ve never seen before,” you joke as you sit next to him.

He doesn’t even look at you, instead looking at his drink. “What? He wasn’t good enough so you need me to finish you off?”

“Excuse me?” you say, actually offended.

He turns and glares at you, clearly pissed off. “Then what do you want?”

You stand up from the stool and start to walk away, but quickly turn back around and go back to him. “You have absolutely no right to be angry with me,” you tell him, your voice quite forceful. “No right at all.”

“I’m supposed to be happy I’m your second option?” he asks, his voice equally as forceful as yours.

“You think I’m here for sex?” Now you’re seething. “I saw you here and I came to say hi.” You turn to walk away again but you can’t let this go. “You know, fuck you. You want to talk about a second option? What about me?”

“What about you, Y/N? What?” He stands up and pulls you off to the side, away from the bartender’s ear shot. “You think I…”

“Every night, Roger,” you fuss. “Every night except for three I’ve seen you chatting up some girl. The three nights you didn’t were the nights you were with me.”

“And how many of them do you think I spent the night with?” he dithers. “None. Not a single one. Do you know why?” He grabs the top of your arms and pulls you close as he bends down to get close to your face. “Because I don’t want any of them. I only want you.” Your mouth drops open and you’re rendered speechless. He quickly lets go of your arms and walks out of the bar, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

November 15, 1978 – New York, New York The relief you felt as soon as you stepped off the bus was indescribable. Home. You’re home. They have three shows in New York in four days and you get to sleep in your own bed, see your friends, relax and rejuvenate. As soon as you were able, you grabbed your suitcase from the bus and scurried to grab a taxi. “You really are in a rush, aren’t you?” you heard Brian ask from behind you. You turned around and he was standing there chuckling. “I was going find something to eat. Would you like to join me?”

You were hungry, and you’ve taken a huge liking to Brian – as a friend, of course – so, while you were really looking forward to being alone, you caved and nodded your head. “Why don’t you come with me? I just have to drop this off at my place and there’s a great pizza joint right next to my building.” Neither one of you noticed Roger watching and seething as you both climbed into the cab to leave.

No, nothing happened with you and Brian. He didn’t even come up to your apartment when you dropped off your suitcase. You introduced him to the best pizza in Brooklyn, and an hour later he went back to the hotel. You took the rest of the day for yourself. It had been a mentally exhausting 24 hours and you wanted to get away from any and all drama for as long as possible. Roger wasn’t speaking to you, and the tension felt like it was at an all-time high. He was barely even looking at you, and for some reason it was eating you up inside. It was eating him up inside, too.

November 16, 1978 – Madison Square Garden “Mike says you’re having the time of your life,” Daisy, a co-worker, says as she tries to stifle a laugh.

You roll your eyes and start to giggle. “I could seriously strangle you and Barry and any of the other critics who ever said anything negative about them,” you tell her. “They’re great, but fuck. Roger has been…” Your voice trails off and you sigh. “Let’s just say it’s been interesting.”

The two of you are sitting on the side of the stage as the guys are preparing to do their soundcheck. Freddie, being nosy as he tends to be, is curious about who your friend is, so you introduce them. John and Brian soon come over to meet Daisy, too, but Roger doesn’t. Not that you thought he would, but he did walk by and immediately sat at the drum kit. “He’s not speaking to me either now,” Brian tells you in your ear. “I don’t know why.” He shrugs his shoulders and walks away.

Roger keeps glancing and you, and you at him, and Daisy immediately picks up on it. “So what’s the story here?” she asks. “With you and pretty boy.”

You give her the rundown, about how he completely hated you before you even met because of negative things printed about them in the magazine. “It’s beyond frustrating,” you sigh. “Just when we start to get along, something happens and we start despising each other again.”

“Well,” she starts. “Maybe you shouldn’t have fucked him.” You look at her, mouth completely dropped open, and start to deny, deny, deny – but she stops you. “Don’t even try to tell me that you haven’t.”

You give her a side eyed glare but can’t stop yourself from giggling. “I’m not discussing this with you.”

“They let you bring friends along now?” you hear Roger snip as he takes a drag of his cigarette, not even realizing he had walked over.

“I’m Daisy,” she says as she stands up and holds out her hand. “I write for…”

He doesn’t look at her, only you. “Now there’s two of you?” he asks. “One of you is hard enough to handle.” Daisy stops talking, instead paying attention to the interaction between you and Roger.

“She’s here for the show tonight,” you tell him. “Don’t worry.”

“That’s all I need. It’s bad enough I have you to deal with every night. Now you’ve multiplied and I’m going to stress doubly.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, Roger.” You turn to Daisy and give her a tired look. “See what I mean?”

He bends over and grabs your arm. “We need to talk.”

“No,” you say as you tug your arm away. “We don’t.”

“Will you just fucking…” He’s being loud, but quickly tones it down. “Stop being so difficult.” He gently holds your arm again. In order not to cause yet another scene, you excuse yourself and follow him down the backstage hall and to their dressing room. You walk in, but he stays standing in the doorway.

You stand there in silence, waiting for him to talk for what seems like forever. He walks closer to you and takes your face gently in the palm of his hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispers as he leans in for a kiss. Not a kiss tinged by alcohol. He’s completely sober, as are you, so that’s why your mind is completely blown right now. You grab the waist of his pants, pull him into the room and he kicks the door closed behind him. His breathing is uneven as he looks into your eyes, and they’re burning with a lust that matches yours. Your mouths meld together and his tongue effortlessly glides over yours with satisfying strokes.

“Roger,” you whisper as you stop the kiss. “We can’t… You have to do the soundcheck…” Your voice is somewhat hoarse and he responds by kissing you more. You pull back again, unable to open your eyes for a few seconds and start to talk again.

“Shh,” he whispers, still holding his palm to your cheek. Neither of you even know what to say. That kiss completely melted the both of you. “Why are we like this?” he asks, genuinely wondering why.

His eyes. His fucking eyes are amazing and you wonder how, after all of the glaring and staring you’ve done at them, how you never realized just how perfect they are. “I don’t know,” you whisper back. The door starts to open and you both quickly move away from the door and from each other.

“Come on, Rog!” John yells as he walks in before walking right back out. “You can finish the argument after we’re done.” Roger flashes you a soft, gentle smile before he follows John out, and every inch of your insides flutter.

You walk back out after taking a few minutes to regain your composure and take your seat next to Daisy again. “These guys are hilarious,” she says with a giggle. “They’re so… bitchy.” You just smile and turn your gaze to Roger. He gives you a wink and forces his focus to what he’s supposed to be doing.

After the show, you and Daisy are standing outside, away from prying ears, discussing the show. She hated it. The music was good enough, but she found the performance drab. “I am begging you, please, be gentle in the review. I still have another month…”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I’m always honest,” she says. “But never mind that, tell me about Roger.” She nudges your arm and gives you a sly smirk. “How many times? Is he good? I bet he’s good.”

You roll your eyes and light a cigarette. “I am here to write a story. My judgment won’t be clouded by a pair of blue eyes.” You take a deep sigh and look out into the parking lot, seeing the crowd has thinned significantly. “I’m heading home. I miss my bed.” You give Daisy a hug, promise to hang out before you leave again, and head back inside to grab your purse.

And, of course, the first thing you see when you walk in is Roger, smiling his toothy smile, surrounded by giggling girls. Only this time, you don’t feel jealous or angered in any way. Not after that kiss. There was something different about it. He doesn’t notice you walk by. Freddie does, though, and he calls your name, blowing your cover. “Where are you sneaking off to?” he asks. “We’re just getting started, darling.”

“I’m going home,” you tell him. “I know. I’m boring. But I have to go to the office in the morning.” You give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “But I’ll be here tomorrow in time for the show.”

As soon as you walk outside, you hear a voice from behind you. “‘A colossal sonic volcano whose eruption maketh the earth tremble,’” he says. “I read it last night.”

“Yeah,” you smirk as you turn around. “Are you surprised, Mr. Taylor?”

“Yeah, I am,” he smiles. You raise a brow and continue to smirk. “Especially considering you wrote that in Dallas. I guess I misjudged you.”

“You did,” you giggle. “But I didn’t misjudge you. I still think you’re a dick.”

He inches closer to you. “Where you off to then?”

“Home,” you tell him before taking a deep breath. “What about you?”

“Well, that depends,” he says, inching even closer and bringing his same hand up to you cheek like he did earlier. “Depends on if I get invited anywhere.” He smiles and you can’t resist it.

November 17, 1978 – 11am, Brooklyn, New York “Yes, Mike, I’ll be there,” you groan. “I don’t know why you can’t wait until tomorrow.” Roger’s under the sheet and keeps nibbling on your thigh and you’re trying not to giggle. “No, Mike, there’s nothing going on.” Roger’s now positioned himself in between your legs and is trying to open them, but you’re trying to stop him and start tapping on his head. “I don’t care what Daisy said, nothing’s going on.” Roger’s won the battle, and he’s now starting to tease you with his tongue. You try your hardest to stifle your gasp. “Mike, stop. I’ll be there at 1.” You slam the phone down and start laughing, and you can feel Roger’s chuckle against your core. “You could have just gotten me fired,” you laugh, but enjoying the feeling he’s creating way too much to fuss too much.

“Shhh,” he says, moving away for a moment, throwing the sheet off. “I’m trying to work here.” He laps and sucks on your swollen lips, his tongue moving unhurried over your clit as he hums over your sensitive flesh, making you quiver. You prop yourself up so you can watch him, and you see his eyes looking up at you, leaving you unable to take a breath deep enough to clear the euphoria he is creating right now. An excitement cry escapes your mouth as he starts to suck harder, flicking his tongue over and over until the last drop is sucked out of you. Each muscle in your body tenses as he takes you over the edge and fucks you with his tongue until you cum. He takes one last lick up before looking up at you, quite pleased with himself. “Did I ever tell you how absolutely delicious you are?” he smirks. “I just couldn’t resist.”

You start to giggle and pull him up to you. He gives you a deep kiss when he reaches your mouth, cupping your neck as he kisses you. “If we get caught I can get in a lot of trouble, you know.”

“Hmm,” he mumbles as he kisses your neck. “Then I guess we better keep this our little secret.”

“I’m serious,” you giggle. His kisses are tickling you so you nudge him off, making him lay next to you on his back. “That’s what Mike was calling for.” He looks confused. “His exact words were ‘if I find out you’re fucking around with one of them I’m pulling you out.’”

Roger starts to grin and you can’t hold in your giggle. “Well it’s his own fault for sending someone pretty to us then, isn’t it?” You roll your eyes, but can’t stop giggling. “Hey, our secret. Promise.”

“Wow,” you say after you stop giggling and stare up at the ceiling. “So I’m actually getting paid to be a groupie.” You turn and look at him, keeping a serious face. “I’ve always wanted to be a groupie.”

He starts to laugh. “Yeah, but unfortunately, you’re a groupie for the wrong Roger.”

“That’s okay. I’ll consider this practice for when I get the right one.” You flash him a cheeky smirk before sitting up. “I have to get ready to get to the office before Mark comes and finds me.”

1:00pm – Midtown Manhattan You sneak in Mike’s office before anyone can catch you. Candice, the assistant editor, sees you and rushes in, excited to see you. “Soooo, how’s it going? Mike said you were having a little issue with Roger Taylor.” She sits in Mike’s chair, a big smile on her face, eager to hear everything.

“We’ve worked it out, actually,” you inform her. “At least I think we have. He doesn’t hate me anymore, so that’s progress.” As you fill Candice in on everything, Mike walks in and slams the door, startling you.

“Did you get to the part when you started banging the guy or no?” Mike is angry. Seething. You’ve never seen him like this before. He’s always happy around you, jovial, sarcastic… everything but downright angry. “Don’t even open your mouth to tell me that you didn’t. Daisy told me…”

“Daisy?” you yell. “Daisy who is pissed off that I got this gig and she didn’t Daisy? That one? How would she even know?”

Mark calms down, takes a deep breath and sits on his desk, directly in front of you. “Look, Y/N, I just want this to be a fair article. It’s not just your journalistic integrity at stake, it’s the entire magazine.”

You reach down into your bag and hand him your notebook that is stuffed with other papers. “My typewriter broke so most of it is jotted down until I can type it up, but that’s it. That’s what it is so far.” Candice rushes over to sit next to Mike and they start reading what you’ve written. “If you read this and can honestly tell me that it’s written from the point of view of someone who’s fucking the drummer, or all of them plus the road crew, I’ll walk away.” You stand up from your chair and start pacing. “But I’m quite proud of what I’ve got there so far, and I really want to finish this, Mike.” He looks up at you. “You’re the one who sent me.”

He stands up as he hands everything to Candice, who is still reading. “I sent you because of your attitude. I knew if anyone could handle these guys for two months it would be you.” You stare at him, wondering why he seems to be feeling like he’s made a mistake. “We’re the only magazine they’re letting in, and …”

“Mike,” you say as you place a hand on his shoulder. “This is a huge chance you’ve given me. Do you really think I’m going to fuck it up?”

“This is really good, Mike,” Candice pipes up. “You should read it all.” She stands and holds your notebook in her hand, pointing down at it as she walks over to him. “I mean, do you really think she would have written this part about how childish he is if she…”

As you listen to her point out all of the negative things you’ve written about him – not that there was many – you realize exactly what Mike was worried about. If you leave all of that in, Roger will be pissed. If you take it out, you’re not exactly going to be telling the whole story.

“Stay on it,” Mike tells you. “And get a new typewriter because you can’t turn this mess in.” You smile and take the notebook from Candice. “Y/N, I’m serious. If I find out…”

“You won’t find anything out,” you smile.

Permatags: @clogwearingspacepoodle @briansfatbottomgirl @culturefiendtrashqueen @jennyggggrrr @shutup-sorry @dontstopmemeow @letmelivetaylor @tommyleeownsme

Series tags: @toomuchlove-willkillyou @sunshine112 @ohtheseboysilove @luvborhap @painkiller80 @hannafuckingsucks @itsametaphorbriansblog @biscuit-barrel @capsparrowtara @asquiresofftime @aridrowse @geek-and-proud @a19103 @nicholeh7 @caborhapch @catch-a-deak @thebelgiancompanion @ultrablackwidower @maggieroseevans @protectrowanwhitethorn @mercurycrowley @amy-brooklyn99 @bellas2silly @rogxrtaylxr @gylfsz @amagicmess @thessxoxo @mariekuuuuuh @drowseoftaylor @luvborhap @bohemiansweede

[ma-sulevin]

In which it’s clear that I don’t get to do recreational drugs and have decided to make the Lamb of God Church episcopal for no particular reason. Some of the tags are more applicable to this chapter than the others, so, uh. Give them another glance.

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw/Female Deputy Rating: E, but mostly for swearing Warnings: Canon-typical violence, but nothing particularly explicit I don’t think Word Count: 6300, chapter four of twelve

Read it on AO3 instead and say nice things.

---

It’s almost like John knows exactly when she crosses over the Henbane River and back into the Valley. Her radio crackles to life, interrupting the comfortable silence in the car; Sharky jerks in his seat like he was falling asleep, and Mattie covers up her giggle with a little cough.

“Why… is it so difficult for you to understand that all of your efforts are absolutely, unquestionably… worthless?”

She hisses at his words, gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles blanch. She grits her teeth and pushes too hard on the accelerator, taking the car from a comfortably legal 45 miles per hour up to 55. Sharky reaches up and grabs the handle over the door, but doesn’t speak.

“You believe you're on the righteous path, you believe you're a force for good, but you're not! You're selfish. All you're really doing is quenching your thirst for blood.”

His voice is mocking, derisive, and she bares her teeth even though he can’t see. She sees a peggie on the side of the road with a regular person in the dirt on their knees, and she veers to run them over without a second thought. The peggie crumples; the captive hops to their feet and sprints away.

Maybe John has a point. Maybe she does have a thirst for blood. 

Like his people are any better.

“We're going to share a beautiful moment, and you're going to tell me your deepest… darkest… fears.”

The radio clicks off. Mattie forces herself to ease off the accelerator, but she can’t make her fingers relax on the wheel.

“A beautiful moment, huh? Sounds gross.”

She lets out a bark of laughter, fingers relaxing on their own accord. When she glances at Sharky out of the corner of her eyes, he’s smirking at her, eyes sparkling. 

“Man, he sure does have a hard-on for you.”

“Oh, my god,” she laughs again, reaching over to slap at his arm. “Gross.”

“So I’m thinkin’,” he continues, and she can hear him smiling even though she’s trying to focus on the road, “you should probably just fuck and get it over with.”

“No! Sharky! Oh my god .” She hits him again, but they’re both laughing. “You’re gonna be sorry when I throw up in this car.” 

He just shrugs and fishes around in his pockets for what turns out to be a crumpled pack of cigarettes. “I mean, if you don’t wanna give one up for the team…” He’s faster at finding his lighter, but he only gets to take one good drag before Mattie’s reaching over and plucking the cigarette out of his mouth.

“Thanks, dude,” she says, sticking it between her lips instead. She winks at him. “Thoughtful of you.”

He rolls his eyes and lights a second one. This one she lets him keep.

---

She’s met Nick Rye a handful of times, mostly at the occasional neighborhood barbeque she was bribed by Joey or Staci into attending, once to give him a ticket for going near double the speed limit in the Henbane (she knocked the recorded speed down on the ticket to give him a break, but he was going very fast), and the sight of peggies crawling all over his property makes her stomach turn.

Boomer is thrilled to be free of the car, running ahead with gleeful barks to bite at the heels of the first peggie he comes across. Shit’s on fire and there’s debris on the runway, and she suddenly remembers she never got to take the aerial tour he was always bragging about.

Sharky helps her bring down the peggies, setting even more shit on fire, and then the little battle is done (when did killing only six people become a “little battle”?) and they find Nick pacing in his garage. 

He gives her a full on hug when he sees her, almost knocks the hat off his head with his enthusiasm, and she squeezes him back in exhausted relief. She’d rather die -- actually die -- than have something bad happen to him or Kim. They’re good people, some of the best.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he says, then he releases her from his hug and puts his hands on her shoulders instead. He shakes her a little, still worked up, and is too loud when he says, “We’re fuckin’ trapped! I’m gonna kill that sonuvabitch John Seed.”

Mattie nods at him, not all that concerned at the threat even though technically she should be. “What’s up, Nick?”

“You see those peggies take off with my plane? We need it! Without it, my family is fucked. Please.” He looks up at Sharky, then back at Mattie, eyebrows drawn together over his mirrored glasses. She can see herself in them, dirty and sweaty, deep circles under her eyes, already nodding before he’s finished asking, “I need your help.”

“You think John has it as his ranch?” She’s never been, personally, but she knows people who have been, and it’s supposed to be beautiful. It also has a private airstrip, because John flies planes as a hobby . “I guess it’s the only other place that makes sense.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Nick says, but he’s already letting her go and walking deeper into his garage. “I just can’t leave Kim, you know.”

Mattie and Sharky trail after him. “Yeah. How’s she doing?”

“She’s due any second. Here, you feelin’ okay?” Nick squats behind the counter and pops back up with ammo boxes in his hands. He sets them down and disappears again, coming up with a first aid kit. “I really appreciate you doin’ this for us. You know how to fly?”

She shrugs, takes the ammo she needs and then lets Sharky take a look. She doesn’t take the first aid kit.

“I’ve flown once,” she says, and it feels like a lifetime ago. “Stace -- uh, one of the other deputies was a licensed pilot, and he used to make me practice on the simulator so he could boss me around.”

Nick winces, but he nods anyway. “I can talk you through it. Just call me on the radio when you find my plane.”

“Sure thing,” she says. “I’ll go now.” 

She makes it out of the garage with Nick still thanking her, then she turns to Sharky as soon as Nick is out of earshot. “I want you to stay here.”

“What? No fuckin’ way.” He’s too loud, so she shushes him, but he just glares down at her. 

She falls into her cop stance without really thinking about it, one hand on her hip and the other hovering near her pistol. She levels a glare at him and he stares right back, not at all intimidated by the woman he spent the night spooning through her tears. “It’s dangerous, and it’s faster if I just get in by myself and fly the plane home.”

“You can’t go by yourself!” Sharky flails his arms around as though that will help him make his point. “It’s dangerous! You need my backup!”

“I need to go in quietly, and you’re good at a lot of things, but I don’t think being quiet is one of them.”

He frowns, the fight melting out of him. “I don’t like it.”

“I’ll come right back here,” she says, promises. He doesn’t understand she won’t die if she’s alone. She won’t die, she can’t die, but he… he can. She doesn’t want him to die. She doesn’t want that on her conscience, not when she can keep him safe just by making him stay with the Ryes. “Okay?”

She offers him her fist, and he bumps it after a second’s hesitation.

She makes it halfway to the ranch before he catches up with her.

“God damn it, Sharky.” She covers her eyes with her hands. “I thought you were going to stay with Nick.”

He offers her a grin. “You see, I thought about it, but I just can’t sit by and let you walk into danger by yourself. You haven’t arrested me yet, and I respect that you totally could’ve by now, but that means I owe you. You’ve pulled my ass out of the fire, literally and figuratively, and I just think I need to stick by you. You know. Ride or die?”

“Ride or die?”

Christ, that makes her chest hurt. What has she done to inspire that loyalty?

“Yeah!” He shrugs. “So… we doin’ this?”

She wants to say no. She wants to send him back to Nick, back to where he’s safe. But… he won’t listen. He obviously is dead set on staying with her. All she can do is try to keep him safe.

“Yeah,” she says. “I guess we are.”

---

John’s ranch is absolutely crawling with peggies, and Mattie sits at the edge of the property, still concealed in the trees, watching them go about their business through her binoculars. Boomer sits alert at her side, ears cocked, nose testing the air every few seconds in case one of the cultists gets close enough to smell. Sharky sits at her other side, chin in his hand, watching the peggies with a sense of detached boredom.

She finally lowers the binoculars when he sighs and starts gnawing on his nails.

“Are you having a problem?”

“I’m just ready to bang some peggie heads together, that’s all,” he says, and at least he’s kinda quiet this time. “Didn’t think it would take this long.”

Anger flares, hot and bright. “I’m trying not to get you fuckin’ killed since you won’t fuckin’ stay at the Ryes’.” Sharky freezes at the bite in her voice, lowers his hand to his lap and presses his lips together. His expression looks so much like a kicked puppy that she’s torn between laughing and feeling bad; she settles for feeling bad. “Just… give me another minute, okay? We don’t want to burn the place down.”

When his expression doesn’t shift, she leans into his space and bumps his shoulder with hers. He huffs, then when she looks back over at him, he smiles. 

“Maybe you don’t want to burn the place down.”

She raises the binoculars back up to her face, finds the peggie sniper standing on John’s roof. “Keep it in your pants, Boshaw.”

She listens to him snickering for a minute and doesn’t fight the smile from blooming on her face. It’s almost easy to forget they’re about to commit several crimes in the process of stealing Nick’s plane back from a cult leader.

“Okay, I’m going to sneak around that way,” she says, pointing around the back of the house, towards the garage. “You cover me, take out anyone who happens to notice. Once you see me in the plane, head back to Nick’s.”

Sharky frowns again. “But--”

“Would you just fucking listen--”

Boomer barks, once, a sharp warning before taking off. Something lands in the dirt between Sharky and Mattie, comes to a rest against her knee, and she doesn’t even panic when she looks down to see a grenade, just scoops it up and tosses it back where she thinks it came from -- back toward John’s house, into his yard, where it explodes and sets a truck on fire.

“Holy shit,” Sharky starts, but she barrels right over him with a simple command.

“Go!”

She rolls to the side and vaguely hopes he’s done the same, then she pops up right in the space of the peggie who threw the grenade, running forward to finish the job. She punches him in the throat, then grabs the back of his head and introduces it to her knee. It crunches sickeningly, sends pain radiating up toward her hip, and when she drops him there’s a dark, wet stain on her jeans.

The rest of the cultists fall quickly, though one gets close enough to give her what she’s sure is going to be a beautiful black eye when she’s busy ripping the wires out of the radio tower. If they hadn’t cut off most of the usual means of communication in the county to keep citizens from calling for help, they wouldn’t have to keep setting these things up for her to tear apart. 

John’s front yard is littered with corpses, abandoned weapons, and two burning trucks filling the air with thick smoke and the acrid scent of burning rubber and hot metal. Boomer runs up to her with a handgun in his mouth, and she’d be more worried if she’d never seen him do it before. She can’t quite figure out how to get him to quit, so she just leans down and takes the slobbery weapon from him and scratches him behind the ear in thanks.

He runs off again, and his spot on the porch is replaced by Sharky who has his hands tucked deep in his pockets and a wide grin on his face.

“Glad you brought me now?”

She rolls her eyes at him, but that grin is infectious and she can’t stop herself from laughing just a heartbeat later. “You’re a dork,” she says, and he just keeps beaming down at her. “Wanna go look through John’s shit?”

“Hell yeah!” Sharky bounces like this is the first time he’s considered he has mostly free reign of John’s house, takes three normal steps toward the open front doors before breaking into a jog. Mattie trails behind him, not hiding her little smile, fingers brushing over the tender spot along her cheekbone. 

It takes her three tries to find John’s kitchen, first opening up a door to a study and then a formal dining room (of fucking course -- he probably hosts Seed family dinners here, all the fucking cult leaders in one place, listening to Joseph preach and watching Faith float around the room), and then when she finally pushes the kitchen door open she nearly bumps into Sharky on his way out. He’s got a real ice pack in his hand, the kind with the little gel balls inside so it will stay flexible, and he’s wrapping a hand towel around it.

“You okay?” Even with her cold fingers pressed back to her bruise, concern that he’s hurt and she hadn’t noticed fills her, wrinkles her forehead. 

He rolls his eyes at her, then cups her jaw with one hand to hold her still and presses the ice pack against her temple. His fingers tighten when she hisses and flinches away, holding her still, and she glares up at him with her good eye.

“ ’s cold.” It’s also most of why she was looking for the kitchen, and she’s only arguing because she’s kind of embarrassed at how she assumed it was for him and how good it feels to have someone worry about her beyond what she can do for them. His fingers are warm where they’re still cupping her jaw, his thumb sweeping across her cheek, and she’s almost entirely sure he’ll be able to feel her blushing just as easy as he can see it, so she closes her eyes and leans into the gentle touch.

“I came in here lookin’ for frozen peas or some shit, but figured this would do just as well. Hell of a shiner you’re getting here, Dep. Didn’t think you’d let a peggie ever get close enough to you to take a swing.”

She licks her lips before she speaks. “It was a lucky punch.”

The ice repositions on her face, moves closer to where the punch landed, right where the bruising is worst. “You got shit luck.”

The laugh that escapes her is too high pitched, a little too hysterical, because Sharky doesn’t even know the half of it. His stroking thumb stills on her face, and she forces herself to pull back from the breakdown she can feel bubbling up in her chest. She doesn’t know if she’s going to keep laughing or burst into tears or just curl into Sharky’s body heat like a cat, but she needs to stop it.

She takes a deep breath and reaches up to take the ice pack from him. He doesn’t move right away, not even when she covers his ice-cold fingers with her own slightly warmer ones, just stands there with his hands on her face until she opens her eyes and looks up at him.

The moment stretches, silent, and then it’s gone as he lets his hands drop back to his sides and he takes a step back. “I’m gonna see if I can find any contraband,” he informs her, too loud in the quiet. “Or like, a weird sex dungeon. Seems like Johnny’d have one, somewhere.”

“You sound like Adelaide,” Mattie says, forcing a smile, glad for the subject change. She pushes deeper into the kitchen, admiring the size and decor despite herself. It would be amazing to cook in here.

Sharky’s laugh follows him down the hall, and Mattie’s finally alone again, able to lean against the counter and groan into her hand.

How has her life come to this?

---

John calls her on the radio when she takes off in Nick’s plane, clammy hands clutching the throttle and her heart already in her throat. When she hears his hissed voice coming through the receiver, she’s afraid for a few heart-stopping moments that she’ll actually be sick in Nick’s plane and she’ll have to return it to him covered in vomit.

She swallows hard and doesn’t get sick.

John’s not sure whether to be more mad that she’s taken over his house or that she’s stolen Nick’s plane, but he does manage to make a confusing reference to his walls screaming and a threat about skinning her and hanging her skin over the mantle -- which, gross, who even thinks about that? -- and she resolutely ignores the talk button on her radio. He doesn’t deserve any response she can think of.

Nick comes on when John’s finished pitching his goddamned hissy fit, guiding her through a couple of exercises to make sure the plane’s in top shape, then she flies the plane along the river back to his house.

If flying didn’t have to happen so high off the ground, she’d like it a lot more.

---

By the time she makes it back to the ranch -- having helped Nick defend his property, load his car, un load his car, and accepted water and snacks from Kim -- it’s dark out and weariness has settled so deep inside her bones she’s not sure she’ll ever feel fully rested again.

The vehicle fires have burned themselves out in John’s driveway, the doors are closed, and no peggies are in sight. Boomer’s asleep on the front porch, but he doesn’t do much more than open his eyes and sigh heavily, like he’s saying good, you’re back, do you know what time it is, young lady?, and roll over to sleep more.

The place is hazy with smoke when she opens the door, the distinctive scent of marijuana hitting her right in the face. She coughs, starts to hold her breath, then she just laughs.

“Sharky?”

He waves when he hears his name, and she finds him reclining on one of the leather couches, hat and shoes off, a joint in his hand and an ashtray balanced on his chest. 

“Party got started without ya,” he says, smile soft as he offers the joint over to her. When she hesitates, he prods, “C’mon, who’s gonna arrest you for it?”

Oh, well, fuck it. “Good point,” she says, and takes it from him. She inhales deeply, closes her eyes and holds her breath for as long as she can before releasing a thick cloud of smoke. “You been carrying this the whole time?”

“That’s the best part! John had two dime bags sitting right on the table here. Wonder what Joe would think about that.” 

She takes another deep drag before she starts to feel her muscles loosening. “They probably think it’s okay, ‘cause it’s natural, like the bliss or whatever the fuck,” she says, then passes the joint back and sits right on the low table to start unlacing her boots. “Which is, whatever, I don’t care, but it would be fuckin’ hilarious to finally nail John on possession when we know he’s doing all this other shit.”

The urge to start laughing rises up and she fights against it, focuses on getting out of her boots, then out of her bloody flannel. She badly needs a shower, but the thought of walking around until she finds one is just exhausting.

“What’s all that?” Sharky’s hand is suddenly in her space, fingers brushing over the sharpie marks on her arm. She shivers and doesn’t hide it as his touch tickles her sensitive skin, turning her hand to catch his as he starts to pull away.

“It’s how many times I’ve died,” she says, honesty coming out before she can think to lie. “I need to add one, though, since there was a fight at Nick’s.”

Sharky’s hand disappears from her view, and her stomach drops when she realizes what she’s said, what she’s admitted to, what he must be thinking --

“What the fuck?”

His hand is back, grabbing her arm and pulling her forward so he can fully see the lines covering her skin. The oldest ones, from Fall's End, are starting to fade, but there are so many others, covering her from the crook of her elbow right down to her wrist. She started out making the marks too big, so they start to taper off around #15, but they’re still easy enough to count.

“Thirty-two? You tryna tell me you died thirty-two times?”

She risks a glance up at his face, breath still caught up in her throat, but it doesn’t look like he’s laughing at her, or like he thinks she’s gone crazy. He just looks… surprised, almost in awe.

“Yeah. Mostly at the beginning, when I was by myself.” Her breath catches again when he runs the fingers of his free hand down her forearm again, clears her throat to move past it. “You’n Hurk helped a lot.”

“You’re not dead, though.”

“No. Every time I just… listen, I can’t explain it, okay? It really fucking hurts, and then everything goes black, and then I start over a few minutes before I died, with enough time to do something different. If that grenade today had exploded, I would have started over right before it landed between us, and I would’ve known to throw it back.”

She watches his face as he listens to her and stares at her arm. His eyes are red, his lips parted like he’s so shocked he just forgot to close them, and the reverence on his face is almost enough to make her cry.

“Is that what happened? Today?”

“No.” She shakes her head, her weariness creeping back and making her eyelids too heavy. “I’ve just tossed enough grenades back where they came from to not be freaked out by it, s’all.”

“Well, goddamn,” Sharky murmurs. He releases her hand and sits up straighter, meeting her eyes from his seat on the couch. “God damn .”

“Yeah, that’s the sum of it.”

Sharky takes another hit and passes the joint off to her. She takes it then snuffs it out on the ashtray that he’d let fall to the floor when he sat up.

“So you believe me?”

He blinks at her as he refocuses his attention on her instead of whatever he was looking at on the ceiling. “What? ’Course I do. You wouldn’t lie about that, would you, Dep?”

“Well. No. I just thought you’d think I’m crazy.”

He blinks at her real slow, then shakes his head again. “You’ve heard all Hurky’s stories, right?” He stops talking long enough to pull his hoodie off over his head, then he lies down on the couch. “You think all that’s real, but I wouldn’t believe you? None of this shit makes sense -- hey, watch the moneymaker.”

Mattie, who started crawling into Sharky’s space the second he was horizontal, finally gives in to the giggles brought on by a combination of relief and the gentle high from John’s weed. She removes her knee from between his legs -- the source of his panic -- by just collapsing onto his chest. He shifts, wrapping one arm around her and tucking the other behind his head.

“I don’t know if we’re in, like, a video game, or a simulation, or some fuckin’ Groundhog Day situation, or what. You’re like a, a, oh, what’re those birds or whatever that die and then come back to life? With the fire?”

She’s still giggling quietly, head on his chest, eyes already drooping as he warms her. “Phoenix.”

“Hell yeah, you’re like a phoenix! Joe-bro is definitely going down now. You can’t be stopped.” There’s a pause as his fingers tickle against the bare skin of her arm, just at the place where the strap of her tank top is, and she lets the motion lull her to the edge of sleep. “Thirty-two times. Goddamn, shorty, you’re somethin’ else.”

She falls asleep with a smile on her face.

---

There’s a little dog in John’s bedroom. It’s tiny and white and fluffy, and the minute it sees Mattie walking in, it runs forward with its tail going so fast she thinks its butt might lift right up. The room smells like piss, and she feels a deep pang of guilt -- not for John’s rug, which has obviously been the dog’s bathroom over the last eighteen hours, but because the dog has been stuck in one room without food or water.

It’s wearing a little collar with its rabies license and a little heart-shaped tag that says its name is Moose, and the search for a shower is derailed as she scoops the dog up and takes it outside.

“You got a dog? What the hell you got a dog for?” Sharky’s eating at the long table by the empty fireplace, but he abandons his food when she appears at the foot of the stairs with the little bundle of excited white fur. “John has a dog?”

“Apparently.” Sharky opens the back door for her and follows her into the yard. Moose doesn’t move a single step away before he starts to pee in the grass, and doesn’t even care when Boomer trots up for an investigative sniff. “Poor little guy was in the bedroom upstairs. Did you see dog food in the kitchen, or anything?”

“Lemme check.” He takes another second to stare down at the dog, then he kind of bumps his elbow into hers before he goes back into the house. 

After Moose finishes peeing, he returns Boomer’s attentions, sniffing the new animal until they’ve both decided the other one can be trusted. Curiosity sated, they start to play, Boomer encouraging Moose to chase him around the yard before returning the favor.

It’s cute, watching them run around like this. It’s so much closer to what she thought adult life would be like than what she has right now that an ache settles into her chest and she has to clear her throat to stop herself from crying.

It doesn’t matter.

Moose cuts to the house mid-run, zooming past Mattie and through the still-open door without stopping. She follows, Boomer ignoring her, and finds Sharky in the kitchen spooning food from a can into a little steel bowl. Moose is at Sharky’s feet, standing on his hind legs, spinning in the occasional excited circle. It’s fucking adorable, and Mattie says as much.

Sharky glances at her over his shoulder, grinning. “Thanks, chica. I do my best.”

His smile grows when she snorts and then starts to laugh.

“We’ll have to take Moose into Fall's End,” she says, watching Sharky bend down to put the bowl on the floor. “We can’t leave him here.”

“Whatever you say,” Sharky says. “You’re the boss.”

---

Being in Fall's End means talking to everyone in Fall's End, and that means chatting with Jerome about the people who need her help around the county. There are even more now than there were before, farmers and just regular citizens who have been holed up this whole time who suddenly need help or have information for her. Some of them are willing to exchange hard-earned supplies for her assistance, and she knows just by the serious expression on Jerome’s face that she can’t say no this time.

The two of them bend over a map of the valley together, tracing out routes with their fingers to see where she should go first and how many people she can help as fast as possible. Sharky leaves them to it as soon as he gets bored, taking Moose with him, and comes back a while later with beers to share and food for all of them.

“Mary May’s gonna watch the dog,” he says, settling sideways on one of the pews so he can stretch his leg out in front of him along the seat. “Didn’t figure it’d be all that useful against the peggies.”

“Thanks, Shark,” she says, smile warm. She turns back to Jerome in time to catch his own soft smile at the exchange. When he catches her eye, he looks down and twists the top off his own drink.

For a while, it’s quiet.

They decide to head up to the Lamb of God episcopal church first, following up on rumors that Grace Armstrong has holed up in it to protect some of the graves from the peggies. Jerome promises to send some resistance members to John’s, thanks Sharky for lunch, and then they go their separate ways.

Sharky keeps up a stream of empty chatter on their way to the other side of the valley, sharing meandering tales from his childhood that are designed to have her laughing as hard as possible. They park a safe distance from the church, around the curve and on the side of the road, but neither of them get out of the car right away.

Mattie has her sleeves rolled up to just below her elbows, the day unseasonably warm, and she stares down at the dark tally marks without speaking for a long moment. When she looks up, Sharky’s already staring at her face, his lips obviously pressed together to keep himself quiet.

“When we go in there, I don’t want you to worry about me. You need to watch out for yourself and stay out of harm’s way, okay? I’ll be fine no matter what -- you won’t.”

“Shor--”

“No.” She holds up one hand to cut off his protests before he can really get started on them, then lowers it and grabs his wrist. “You have to do this. Promise me. I won’t be able to forgive myself if something happens to you.”

He’s frowning hard. “Well, how do you think I’m gonna feel if you die and then stay dead?”

She pushes away the voice inside her that says if only and squeezes his wrist. “I promise you that won’t happen, okay? You believed me last night, you can believe me now.”

She waits until he nods before she releases him and climbs out. Boomer hops out of the backseat and immediately pees on a nearby fence post before dashing off in the direction of the church. Sharky’s muttering something under his breath at a constant rate, but she ignores him because she can’t quite hear all his words -- if he wanted her to know, he’d be talking louder, she’s completely sure.

It only takes a minute of walking before they can hear gunshots, and the pair exchanges a glance before setting out at a jog down the road.

There’s a single peggie truck parked to block traffic, a handful of men ducked behind trees and stone walls closer to the church building, all their fire focused on either one of the headstones or on the church itself. A green laser sight flits over Sharky’s chest, then Mattie’s, then disappears and a woman’s voice comes over the radio. 

“ You the deputy Jerome was telling me about? I could use your help. ” A shot rings out then, and the nearest peggie drops dead. 

Sharky and Mattie exchange another look and split up, heading in opposite directions to keep themselves from being surrounded. It works for them, habits accidentally forged as they burned their way from the Henbane and back into the Valley, and the few peggies trying to get to Grace fall pretty fast without causing any more damage than they had before they were interrupted.

Once the yard falls quiet, Mattie climbs up and scoot-walks across the roof of the church to where Grace is sitting in the bell tower. She ignores Sharky’s laughter from below her, focused instead on getting to Grace and not fucking falling down because breaking her neck because she slipped would be the shittiest way she’s died yet. 

Grace watches her with a half-smile and soft eyes. “You got good timing,” she says, shifting back to make room as Mattie crawls wholly inside the tower and sits with her back against the wall as Grace explains what she’s doing.

The peggies are defiling the graves, specifically of the war heroes like Grace’s dad, in an attempt to demoralize them. It’s a pretty damn good attempt, based on how angry Grace is about it, but Mattie doesn’t know how to respond.

She already feels pretty damn demoralized, graves or no graves.

“I’m a good shot, but I need somebody to watch my back.” Grace cocks her head to the side, ear pointed toward the road. “They’ll be here any second.”

Well. It’s not like Mattie can say no to this.

She nods at Grace, crawl-walks back to the ladder, and slides down. Sharky’s there, a grin on his face, and she punches him in the chest hard enough to make him step back in mock agony.

They don’t have time to tease. Some peggie’s truck squeals to a stop, worn out fuckin’ pads announcing their presence to the people they’re trying to kill, and Mattie and Sharky split up again.

There are more peggies this time, absolutely pouring out of the woods and crawling up the hill. Mattie runs out of rifle ammo and ends up using it to smash one peggie in the head as he tries to light a stick of dynamite stuck in the crack of the crypt.

She lights the dynamite herself and tosses it back to the road. One of their trucks explodes in a deeply satisfying ball of fire that catches two of the closest peggies off guard and throws them to the ground.

Grace snipes them both.

The yard of the church is so chaotic that Mattie doesn’t realize she can’t hear Sharky’s taunting calls until after the last peggie falls to her feet with his blood under her nails.

Even though her blood is rushing in her ears, it’s too quiet. It’s too quiet and she can’t see that green hoodie or the bursts of fire from his flamethrower and she can’t hear his laughter or his comments about how her being spattered in peggie gore is (somehow) hot.

She can’t hear anything but Boomer’s sharp bark from the other side of the cemetery. One quick high-pitched call. Help.

She breaks into a run, hopping over bodies and toppled gravestones in her haste. Cold dread settles in her gut, growing with each footfall, until she knows what she’s going to see before she sees it.

Sharky, on the ground, half-hidden behind one of the larger crypts, slumped to the side. His lips are blue, his face pale, his hoodie soaked through with blood. It’s on the crypt behind him, like he’d been standing against it when he was shot, and when she reaches under his chin to check for a pulse, his eyes stare back at her, empty.

She screams.

Grace is at her side in an instant, checking for a pulse alongside Mattie’s bloody fingers, hissing curses under her breath when she can’t find one either. Mattie pushes the hoodie up over his chest, out of the way, and presses her palms flat against the bullet wounds like she can do anything now to stop the blood.

She told him.

She told him.

“I told him, I told him to be careful, and this is what happened! I should have made him stay behind, why wouldn’t he listen, why--”

“Hey, hey.” Grace’s hands find her face, fingers wrapping around her chin. “You can’t do this here. Help me get him to my truck.”

Mattie nods, blinks the tears from her eyes, and gets her shoulder under Sharky’s arm. Grace helps her lift him, and together they drag his body through the woods around to the back of the church where Grace’s pickup is waiting for them.

They lay him down in the back, and Mattie hesitates by the tailgate as Grace moves to climb in the driver’s seat.

The engine turns over and covers the sharp cry Mattie releases when a bullet hits her shoulder, but it doesn’t cover the sound the tail light makes when it shatters.

White lights surround her and she falls to the ground, vertigo making her retch. She wants to tell Grace to go, to take Sharky back to Fall’s End and leave her here to whatever punishment John has cooked up for her for taking his home and kidnapping his dog, but she can’t make her body obey her.

She loses consciousness just as one of John’s Chosen starts to haul her upright.

[rockettransman]

Rocketman Watch #4 Thoughts

i have so many MORE thoughts can you believe it wow here we go

(i wrote these as i watched it so they’re in order im p sure)

man, his intro monologue during group therapy is just as gripping as it was when I first watched it. And the transition to the bitch is back is so fuckin good. My palms are sweating.

There’s some commentary about forgiving and loving your inner/past child, but I don’t have the words for it at this moment. In the beginning he’s staring down, confused and scowling at his child self, but at the end, he embraces him in a way his father and loved ones never did.

Was he in therapy/rehab WHILE touring and doing music? Stomping into the room in his regalia would have me believe so. I know group therapy was a medium for storytelling. Was it just signaling the very beginning of his story, because we go through different stages through his actions and clothing changes?

Lmao I imagine it must take some pretty cool parents to allow their, like, six or seven year old child to be in this movie. He said bitch so many times.

Took me a hot second to realize the orchestra he’s conducting is playing Rocket Man. The violins are so pretty. Imagine being picked to be in the orchestra on set and getting smile up at the tiny little kid who played Elton. My heart would absolutely swell seeing a little kid being so fantastic at this really intense job.

Kit Connor did amazing in his role. He’s fifteen and he’s already done so much! Imagine growing up knowing you played Elton John as a kid. Getting to work alongside him and his husband and the dozens of incredible actors. Wowie. I’d never shut up about it.

I LOVE how 12 year old Elton is playing the piano SO HARD and is trying to rock out as hard as he can while playing classical music. The boy wanna ROCK dammit.

HE GLANCED UP THE TINIEST BIT WHEN THE MAN ASKED IF ANYONE HAD A FAG (slang for cigarette)

SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT GIVES ME CONSTANT CHILLS FROM THE START TO FINISH

WOOOW SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ELTON IS CUTE AS HEEELLLL. The hair, glasses, and front tooth gap fit Taron so well. Goddamn I hope I look like 17 year old Elton some day.

The choreography for this number is absolutely breathtaking. You have to get that many people all in sync! We followed Elton running through the crowd and AAHHH it was a lot! The athleticism! And they did it in the rain! Wow I’m blow away.

Elton is JAMMIN in the back of the stage. It’s really sweet to see his smile and enthusiasm and his brain thinking and working.

That guy in the back peed a LOT lmao

I was wondering where thank you for all of your loving came in.

Charlie Rowe plays Ray Williams, and he also plays LEO ROTH from Red Band Society!!! The first time I watched the movie, I KNEW him from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it and it was driving me nuts. Man. RBS was a big crutch during the worst lows of my ED. Had no idea he was English.

Love to see how shy Elton was as a teenager. It’s a hot ass mood. Also, those silk scarves? Ascots? idk but they’re a LOOK.

“One frothy coffee, no froth.”

The acquaintances-to-best-friends montage set to Border Song *chefs kiss*

Rock And Roll Madonna Is A Perfect Song Send Tweet

Lmao Elton is NOT phased at all when he gets accused of being gay. He’s just like. “Nah. I’m like. Not.” Not overly defensive and surprised, like I’m sure other people would be lmaooo

STUMBLING HOME DRUNK WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A MILESTONE IN TEENAGEHOOD!!!!!!!

“You are a ssSSHHIIIITT HOT piano player—”

So delicate of Bernie the way he politely denied a kiss from him. It wasn’t weird or tense at all. Just a gentle “love you, but not that way. It’s okay” Some people may not be able to handle it that well even today.

Taron’s got nice thighs. That robe & underwear getup is a nice look.

Love love LOVE hearing him experiment with Your Song on the piano to find a melody that worked.

Honestly what the shit do these songs even mean. Bernie sometimes these words don’t make any sense. Don’t worry, they still slap. “See I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue” like what

AMOREENA IS A PERFECT SONG SEND TWEET

Doug flirting with Bernie makes me snort every time. “Oh, really? That’s.. cool.”

THE TROUBADOUR OUTFIT IS GOOD AS SHIT!!!!!!!!

“NO, BERNIE. YOU ARE UNDERREACTING.”

Taron was right. The overalls do make his ass look massive.

A week ago before this movie I was sick and fuckin TIRED of crocodile rock but now I can’t get enough of it. The movie transformed a lot of old songs I was sick of for me.

Imagine being a kind of shy, nervous kid, terrified to go on stage, but two and a half minutes later the entire venue is LOSING IT because they love the jam YOU WROTE. how cool for Elton.

I want a best friend platonic cheek kiss :(

Hmmmmm I’m wondering if they used the studio recordings that went on the album for the movie or have different movie-specific recordings. Tiny Dancer sounds a teeny bit different in the movie version.

Goddamn I sure hope Taron got to keep that jacket.

“So you liked the song, then?” “Not as much as the singer” *Elton glances away in gay panic*

LMFAO John said some weird colorful words to Elton that barely made sense and he was like OH FUCK GOTTA KISS HIM GOTTA KISS HIM

I’ve talked so much about the sex scene I don’t need to go on about it here. Go search the rocketman tag on my blog for my extensive gay thoughts about it.

Now I know glasses come OFF during sex

oh oh oh I was wondering where Hercules fell in the movie. I love how the songs he’s writing or getting notoriety for is played over the transition scenes.

Elton’s hand on his hip, knowing smirk as John enters the studio. “Hello.”

Bernie is like “HELLO are we RECORDING or are y’all gonna FUCK in the CLOSET?”

*vibrating* Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat

Damn, the flowy white button down with the red pants really is a LOOK

The gestures, staring up at each other, leaning into each other, hands on each other’s chests, damn it makes me feel some typa way. Maybe their love WAS good and fun and exciting while they rode the high of everything before it all went so so bad.

Elton searching John’s gaze while he’s talking and looking like he’s not really paying attention, just looking for a kiss on the couch.. GOD I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationships. So much fun.

His dad going “N-Not really my thing.” That was a metaphor for his SEXUALITY TOO, huh.

Damn. He went to his dad’s to come out to him and he never even got to get to that part. He was just like “....nice shoes....” and even after all this time, didn’t show any interest in his music. If he never was into what he did, how could he even talk about being gay? I’m sure during that scene there were a lot of metaphors to sexuality but I didn’t bother to think much about them.

The eyebrow quirk after his dad says “ah—no. Could you make it out to Arthur?” DAMN Elton was like .. “really. This is what’s happening? Okay. Awesome.”

“What do you have to do to get a fucking drink around here, eh?” *cuts to Elton drinking straight from a bottle*

“Elton—” “Elton!”

John saying “don’t you ever put your hands on me” when he was the one who yanked him from the phone booth AND directly after punching him... woof man. What a shitty dude.

Damn, just noticed John talking very quietly and closely to another man right before he goes on and plays Pinball Wizard. Was this the first sign of him having fun with other men when Elton was indisposed?

Pinball Wizard is absolutely intense and loud and fun, but it DOES carry the tone of “god im SO miserable” under it all. You knew Elton wasn’t having fun.

“It is next week.” Jeezus.

LMAO I just caught the “mom, you’re ON my GOWN” when he reluctantly complies to give the Anderson’s a tour.

Damn, flowy, loose dress shirts with the first few buttons undone is a LOOOOK.

How did they do the overdose scene, you think? Surely the pills Taron took had to be like. Empty. Or placebo affect drugs? Idk. He did take a big drink directly after stuffing his mouth with them. I don’t think he spit them out.

God, there is SOMETHING symbolic about how he meets his child self at the bottom of the pool. Rock bottom? Apologizing? Wishing he could be better? Telling him he’ll never be better?

OH I watched a behind the scenes cut about the pool scene, and none of it was CGI. Taron was weighted under his robe and a SCUBA diver was on standby to provide oxygen. The singing and bubbles coming out of his mouth and stuff underwater was all real.

Dying to know about the choreography around the second chorus, about the undressing and twirling and dressing and injection and handing off of the bat and stuff. That sequence was incredible.

Bennie and the Jets. Damn. It fucks. I listened to it almost the entire time on my run today. (Five miles; I felt like garbage the entire time but it was good anyway.) The scene is wild. He’s in the middle of a drug induced haze orgy. He SHOULD be having the time of his life but he’s so goddamn miserable. (Also, the juxtaposition between Chris Fleming’s Bennie and the Jets is so funny.)

Part of the problem was that John never understood Elton. But, Elton broke it off with John, not the other way around like he said it was. He wasn’t the victim in that regard. John did treat him like shit though.

Victim of Love plays right after that lmao

Renate and he aren’t even close when they do the duet to don’t let the sun go down on me. They’re separated in different rooms, mirroring literally how closed off their relationship was.

The shot with them waking up in different rooms.. damn

His shirt is so LOUD I’m going crazy

Watching Taron down that orange juice made me a little nauseous I gotta say

“Not really I’m gAy”

It’s CRAZY to watch Elton and his mom interact at the dinner scene. He gets accosted and accused of so much by his mom, claiming SHE’S the victim of his actions, making it all about HER and then he turns around and does and says the exact same shit to Bernie.

He yells “Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” at Bernie as he gets into a taxi. THE PROJECTION!! THE DEFLECTION!!!!

I know there’s only so much they can put in two hours, but I wish they showed more of Elton’s eating issues. He had bulimia for sixteen years before he got help. It’s Absolutely the Man With Anorexia in me, but seeing that even men deal with eating disorders quells the lonely aching something in me. I feel that much less alone, you know. Eating disorders aren’t a “woman’s disease.”

How do you think they did his hair? A wig adds more hair, not take it away. He didn’t get his hair cut for it did he?

Seeing Elton’s first love fall apart because John was such a selfish, heartless prick in reality makes me sad.

Elton hugs his inner child when he reconciled with everyone in his past. Goddamn. He found peace and forgiveness for himself, who he was, even after all that time.

When Elton asks him not to go, Bernie refuses, saying this is something he had to do on his own. Healing comes from within alone. No one can help you do it. People can guide you, but you have to work at it. It’s fucking lonely sometimes, but it’s so, so worth it.

I used to loathe I’m Still Standing since i heard it so much at work, but the movie changed my entire perspective on it. I love the slow build up as he exits the rehab center. You don’t get thrown into something so happy and fast paced and fun after a cathartic climax you need to drink in. And the pan to his hat with the rainbow stripe to his smile. I get chills every time. Elton feels so right and secure and happy in himself. At first I thought it was a bit cheesy, but accepting your sexuality, especially after all the hell he went through during his life, grappling with unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment, he absolutely should wear it loud and proud. It’s easy to think times are much easier now being gay, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal. Relative to 1975, it is easier. But it doesn’t mean it’s not such a rough personal thing to work through if you’ve been spit on and resented all your life. Being gay, coming out, and accepting and being comfortable with that fact must’ve been such a HUGE milestone in Elton’s recovery and self-esteem.

Love me again after I’m still standing is perfect. The credits make me tear up every time. Jeez. What a good movie. What a good movie. Hit me up if you wanna talk about Rocketman because I absolutely will with you.

[hey-have-you-heard]

Hey have you heard these 50 songs from 2019

I really enjoyed this last year so going to give it another go for ‘19. I put quite a lot of thought into what actually a ‘song of the year’ for me when I was first constructing and then heavily editing the playlist that came to be my Top 50 of 2019. I think the most important thing is that above all it’s a track that I’m glad exists, sometimes this is because of the songwriting or composition, sometimes the performance, sometimes the lyrical importance and sometimes just because it sparks joy.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6bFJOjL8b8Zc2s5r1oJbsk?si=UJdqSXOTR3SQ8D3IwcmV2g

Explanations for each tracks inclusion below the fold…

100 gecs - 800db cloud 100 gecs channel a mix of Crystal Castles and Sleigh Bells with a Death Grips level appreciation for noise. It’s an absolute rush and that outro is just absurd.

Natalie Evans - Always Be Natalie Evans soft melody and sing song vocals are sublimely sweet on this heartfelt track of lost love, longing and nostalgia.

Petrol Girls - Big Mouth “If you fight back or disagree you’re the one with the fucking problem” this hits home, hard. Big Mouth is a rallying cry to speak out against oppression and discrimination, to raise you’re voice and be heard, not to be controlled.

Charli XCX ft. Lizzo - Blame it on your Love Charli has a midas touch when it comes to pop, combine that with Lizzo who has just about been the most fun thing in music this year and you’ve got a 10/10 banger.

Poppy - BLOODMONEY Poppy’s music just keeps going further down the rabbit hole. Originally playing with blending elements of nu-metal with bubblegum pop, she now seems to have transcended genre altogether to create whatever BLOODMONEY is, it’s absolutely ridiculous and I love it.

Body Hound - Bloom Get on that GROOVE! So proggy it hurts, this track from Body Hound is a technical wonderland of metamorphosing rhythms, gargantuan riffs, and just the tastiest of chord progressions.

Can the Sub_Bass speak - Algiers Word of warning, this is not an easy listen. A freefall tumble through genre and tone accompanies a stream of consciousness monologue full of racism, prejudice and political and artistic critique.

Elohim - Buckets Buckets is an onslaught of trap influences, emotional outbursts and aggressive distortion. I’m a big fan of this sound.

VUKOVI - C.L.A.U.D.I.A I know very little about VUKOVI as a band, but that riff is absolutely massive and this track has been a constant throughout my year on that basis alone.

Show Me The Body - Camp Orchestra Apparently more hardcore bands should use Banjos, because this is a damn good sound. Slowly building from a single bass line this track builds into a powerful demolishing force.

clipping. - Club Down Having thoroughly proven themselves able to do afro-futurist scifi on the Hugo nominated Splendor and Misery, clipping. now turn their considerable talents to horror core and unsurprisingly nail it. Daveed’s flows are tight as ever as he brings to life a decaying city backed by tortured screams.

Dream Nails - Corporate Realness YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB. WORK IS NOT YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU MUST DO IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. Dream Nails are great and exactly what we need right now.

ControlTop - Covert Contracts This track positively bristles with an anxious energy. A fitting sound for the subject of the information overload we find ourselves locked into everyday.

Cherry Glazerr - Daddi There’s an icy coolness to ‘Daddi’, a disconnected sarcasm that falls away to reveal the anger and torment in the chorus, it’s a masterful bit of emotional storytelling through musical tone.

The Physics House Band - Death Sequence I Listening to Physics House latest release, the Death Sequence EP feels like a physical journey. This opener is a perfect example of this, as you’re plunged straight into a heady and disorienting mix of rhythms and counter-melody’s, the Sax guiding you through the turbulence until you land in a placid midsection, before that bass riff drags you forward through rhythmic breakdowns into an absolutely absurd brain melting saxophony and then it just keeps on going from there…

Witching Waves - Disintegration I saw WW back in the early summer, they were a bassist down so it was just a guitar and drums duo. They started with this track and it was one of the most pure punk things I’ve experienced, drummer/vocalist Emma Wigham bashing the absolute shit out of her kit . A great no-nonsense lo-fi banger.

Lingua Ignota - DO YOU DOUBT ME TRAITOR Another, not particularly easy listen here. DO YOU DOUBT ME TRAITOR is a dark and angry brooding track, building in intensity to release the primal rage, fear and horror of the abused. Its deeply chilling and instantly arresting. This track and the entire CALIGULA album stands as an absolute must listen.

Carly Rae Jepsen ft. Electric Guest - Feels Right I love the instrumentation on this one, those chunky piano chords and screaming guitar lift the track out and make it the highlight of an already great album to me.

Orla Gartland - Figure it out Dialing back the intensity slightly, Orla chronicles the frustrations of having to deal with someone in your life who you’re done with. The choruses burst forth in beautifully fuzzy explosions of noise. That vocal flair at the start of the final chorus is chef kiss.

Battles - Fort Greene Park Battles are at their best when they keep things simple. This is evident on 2019′s Juicy B Crypts which features some incredibly cluttered moments, but this just makes Fort Greene Park stand out all the more. A delightfully spacious piece of math rock, from some of the best in the business.

Dogleg - Fox Boy howdy, do I love me some midwest emo. Catharsis in musical form, it just makes me want to mosh my troubles away like I’m 16 again.

Tørsö - Grab A Shovel Tørsö go hard, I can appreciate that. An absolutely brutal track about the destructive power of depression and self-loathing.

“Pijn & Conjurer playing Curse These Metal Hands” - High Spirits “We were like, are we Pijn and Conjurer, or are we Curse These Metal Hands? I think we’ve settled with ‘we are Pijn and Conjurer playing Curse These Metal Hands’ …whatever that means!“ what it means is one of the most joyously triumphant pieces of metal music I’ve ever heard. Some of the guitar lines in this absolutely soar.

Lizzo - Juice Lizzo has won 2019, her message of self love, acceptance and body positivity has won her both critical and cultural acclaim and permeates her music in a way that makes it impossible to not love.

COLOSSAL SQUID, AK Patterson - Kick Punch Colossal Squid is the name given to Three Trapped Tigers drummer, Adam Betts’ experimental project. After a solo album of percussive wizardry Betts has now teamed with vocalist AK Patterson to give us something else entirely.

Evan Greer - Liberty Is A Statue Evan Greer uses the a folk punk sound to deliver an essay on the damaging influences of cis-normativity and social inequality. Of course I like this one.

Taylor Swift - Lover I wasn’t on board with this song for a fair while, but then I kept listening to it and kept coming back to it because of a roughly 50 second section which ties the track and the whole album together. Yeah, this is on here purely for the bridge, which is just beautiful.

Dodie - Monster Monster is an incredibly well written and delivered study on how perception changes with resentment and it makes me cry.

The Y Axes - Moon Moon is a delightfully dreamy piece of pop that glitters with infectious melodies, it’s lyrics a blissful embracing of cosmic nihilism, need I say more?

Ezra Furman - My Teeth Hurt My teeth hurt is a song about tooth ache, about that pain you carry with you everywhere and can’t get rid of, that ruins your days and and is one hell of a mood. Yeah it’s about gender dysphoria.

Nervus - No Nations Speaking of things being a mood, this track hits the nail squarely on the head.

Cultdreams - Not My Generation "Everyone ignores me Unless I’m on a stage talking Because they put me on a pedestal And pretend I’m just performing“ Lucinda Livingstone calls out the misogyny in our culture with a singular ferocity.

Lil Nas X - Old Town Road If there’s one song that’s dominated 2019 this is it right here. Who ever had the idea of putting that NIN Ghosts sample to a trap beat and cowboying over the top of it is an absolute genius.

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Planet B It’s impossible to predict where King Gizzard’s sonic influences are going to take them next I doubt even they know half the time. Whatever they turn their hand to though they do it as if they mastered the sound decades ago Planet B is an all out thrash track with a strong environmental message.

Kesha - Rich, White, Straight Men Okay, I’m about to compare Kesha to John Lennon here but HEAR ME OUT… As ‘Imagine’ asked us to consider a world without conflict or capitalism, Kesha now posits that we should tear up our conceptions of our society based on its formation by a privileged group and imagine what kind of utopia could be built if we gave the underprivileged and minority groups a say.

Allie X - Rings A Bell The chorus here sounds like it could have been off Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories, and I’m all about that sound. Combined with Allie X’s dreamlike vocals make this a certified bop.

Poly-Math - Sensors in Everything Sensors in Everything is a beast of a track spanning over 14 minutes of absurdly dense prog. Having recently enlisted keyboardist Josh Gesner. Polymath make use of the new sounds and textures available to them, at times imitating a sort of Hammond sound not unlike John Lord to the chaotic maelstrom of noise.

Calva Louise - Sleeper Big hooks on this one. Sleeper has a confident swagger to it’s sound which stands apart for the bands previous work. It’s an absolutely huge track.

Slipknot - Solway Firth Slipknot didn’t disappoint after the tease of 2018′s “All Out Life”, following up with an album which blended old and new aspects of their sound to create one of their best to date. Solway Firth is a perfect example of this matching the punishing heaviness of Iowa with the melody driven sound of All Hope Is Gone.

Clt Drp - Speak To My Seeing Clt Drp perform live was one of my highlights of the year. The filthy guitar tones, powerhouse vocals tight as heck drumming and the _grooves. _Absolutely like nothing else I’ve seen. Just an incredible band that deserve so much more recognition.

Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Black Country, New Road released two tracks this year and now I just want more. Dense wordy lyricism plays off against ever evolving instrumentation to present a raw cut of emotional storytelling.

Her Name Is Calla - Swan Her Name Is Calla are a band that have always been on the edge of my radar, my Dad is very fond of them and saw them live a couple of years ago, but never went back to relisten to any of their stuff, then they started an album with this. I was sold instantly.

black midi - Talking Heads Talking Heads (the band) are an obvious inspiration on this track. Both David Byrne’s vocal style and the Talking Heads penchant for sharp angular melodies are on show here. But given an extra ounce of chaos through Black Midi’s delivery.

Amanda Palmer - The Ride The ride is ten minutes of bundling up all your fears and anxieties of where we are and where we’re going and just, accepting them as part of the ride. Written off the back of a prompt from Amanda asking her fans what they were afraid of right now.

Kim Petras - There Will Be Blood Okay, let’s have some out of season spookiness. Love the squelchy synths on this, there’s a huge amount of energy on this track and with it’s commitment to the horror conceit it makes for a super fun bop.

Kate Nash - Trash Kate Nash’s sound is like bathing pure nostalgia,here she spins the toxic-relationship narrative central to her work to deliver a bigger story about humanity’s, quite literally toxic relationship to our planet.

American Football & Hayley Williams - Uncomfortably Numb The other side of the “midwest emo” coin. A melancholic song built on a soft bed of arpeggiated chords and clean harmonics, Uncomfortably Numb is a heartbreaking track of losing everything and of cycles persisting thorugh generations. Employing the clever metatextual trick of referencing Pink Floyd’s comfortably Numb to mirror the generational similarities.

Glenn Branca - Velvet and Pearls Disclaimer, Glenn Branca was a musical hero of mine, his approach to music and composition being solely responsible for influence a vast number of my favourite bands. Released posthumously, Velvet and Pearls is taken from a live performance by Branca’s ensemble and perfectly captures the sense of sonic disorientation, conjuring aural illusions through an assault of intricately crafted noise. It’s an exhilarating piece that should be played as loud as humanly possible.

Brutus - War The raw emotional strength of Stefanie Manneart’s vocals instantly made me pay attention when I first heard this track. Then the song exploded into a barrage of riffs and breakneck drumming.

Valiant Vermin - Warm Coke Another slice of throwback pop, Valiant Vermin proved with “Online Lover” how much of an ear she has for pop and has proven it once again with Warm Coke. Is a real good bop.

———

Welp there it is, 50(+1) songs, I had to limit myself to one track per artist in the main 50 because according to Spotify I listened to [checks notes] 1082 new artists this year. There are a small handful of tracks I wanted to highlight from the same artists though as they offer something quite different to the tracks in the playlists, so here they are quickly with 3 word descriptions.

Petrol Girls - Skye (dead dog, sad) Amanda Palmer - Voicemail for Jill (Talk about abortion) Ezra Furman - I Wanna be Your Girlfriend (Trans Torch Song) Battles ft Jon Anderson & Prairie WWWW - Sugar Foot (Batshit Prog Insanity) Poppy - Choke (Dark Minimalist Pop) Show Me The Body - Forks and Knives (Anxious nightmare punk) Lingua Ignota - CALIGULA (the whole album.)

———

Closing Statement

Cultdreams - Statement

There has been a shadow over the entertainment industry the latter half of this decade. Whether film, music, TV or video games, the late 2010′s are filled with stories of people coming forward to bravely tell their stories about being abused and manipulated by men in positions of power. The #metoo movement as it’s come to be known has been a powerful force in giving marginalised people a voice and the ability to call out oppressors and in starting the groundwork to root out the misogyny in the seats of power, but this is a battle far from won.

While there are thousands of stories out there I want to focus on one in particular.

In 2016 a number of women spoke out about various forms of abuse by a well-known musician in the punk scene. It’s now over three years later and this group of women are in the midst of a long fought claim of defamation from this musician. If this case goes through it sets a precedent for silencing marginalised voices in the industry. They have been fighting for so long and with no legal aid available for the case they have had to finance their defense from their own pockets.

This is where Solidarity Not Silence comes in. Solidarity not silence is a crowdfunding effort to help take the case to trial without the women bankrupting themselves entirely so that they don’t have to give in to this mans demands.  You can read more about Solidarity not Silence and make a donation (if you feel so inclined) here: https://www.crowdjustice.com/case/solidaritynotsilence/

You can also follow them on twitter here https://twitter.com/solnotsilence

[imagines-so-what-if]

L is for Living Together

Headcanon and scenarios for Sherlock, Mycroft, and Moriarty

The prompt: In which you live together as his S/O

Genre: Fwuffy fwuff

Rating: K+

Reader type: Considerate 

SHERLOCK MASTERLIST

Headcanon for living with Sherlock as his S/O:

Sherlock doesn’t care about who lives with him as long as s/he doesn’t disrupt his life too much. That being said when it comes to having an S/O live with him, he’ll likely want it early on in the relationship.

Sherlock’s never truly experienced a healthy romantic partnership so everything will feel intense and serious right away (along with lots of awkward moments because he has no clue what he’s doing). When he acknowledges that he’s in love with you, he’ll start having you stay over more and more, and for longer periods of time.

He’ll clear out several drawers for you to keep clothes in. He’ll complain when you have to go back over to your place, and he’ll actively give you reasons to stay with him.

Eventually you simply won’t go over to your place for a month or so and you’ll realize such.

When you bring it up, Sherlock will comment, “Then you’ve noticed there’s no need for you return.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“Merely observing.”

So you make it official and move in with him and let everyone know. It’ll result in: 

John wishing you good luck with a fervor.

Mrs Hudson staring at you in disbelief, then her face lighting up with joy at the thought of Sherlock finally settling down!

Mycroft silently wishing the best for you two (but his only outward reaction will be a raised eyebrow)

Greg wondering if you’ve lost your mind, but wishing you the best nonetheless.

Chores will have to be established early and agreed upon. Sherlock’s never really been one to pick up after himself, or really do much around the house. It’s unfair to put that entire burden on you, though, so he’ll try. He’ll do the dishes without a fuss, and he’ll take the out the trash. Everything else will be up for debate, though. You will absolutely have to do the cooking (if Mrs Hudson isn’t around) because Sherlock hardly remembers to eat, let alone make food.

Sleeping will be an oddity. Sherlock has an erratic sleeping pattern and as much as he wants to be able to sleep through the whole night beside you, he’s going to have some nights where that’s simply not possible.

He’ll leap out of bed sometime around midnight, his mind working furiously on something. He’ll pace restlessly outside of the bedroom, unintentionally making quite a bit of noise. If you’re supportive of his playing-the-violin-at-two-in-the-morning then he’ll be playing his violin. There are some nights where it can’t be helped and he’ll play with such a fever that no one can stop him until he’s done.

If he wakes you up during this he’ll apologize. If you have to work that morning, or a busy day the next day he’ll feel guilty and try to make it up to you. But if you decide to get up with him and join him on his sporadic burst of energy then he’ll be appreciative. He’ll enjoy your company and he’ll play whatever song you’d like on his violin. 

His favorite pastime during nights like that, however, are playing board games or cards. 

There will be some nights he won’t let you sleep at all.

Do not even try to get him up at a set time. When he finally goes to sleep nothing short of a bomb will get this bby boy out of bed.

It won’t be uncommon to wake up alone in bed only to find that he crashed on the couch after a restless night (he didn’t want to wake you coming back into bed).

On the nights he does sleep with you, he likes to be the big spoon. He’ll drape his arm over you and nuzzle into your hair.

Unless he’s having a bad night, then he’ll like to be the little spoon.

His experiments will be chaotic and messy. He’s not going to stop experimenting any time soon because it’s one of the few “healthy” things that can entertain him. That being said he’ll try to keep it to one (two) room(s).

He’ll go shopping with you. He’ll hate it and act grumpy about it, but he doesn’t want you to do it alone (unless you would prefer to do it alone). He’ll help carry the bags and put the food away.

This all changes if he can get away with online grocery shopping and have everything delivered.

John will still stop by on a regular basis to go on cases with Sherlock. They’ll continue to use the living room as the “client” room, so be careful of unexpected guests showing up.

Don’t walk around half naked because if a client sees you like that Sherlock’s going to give them a concussion. And that’s bad for business.

No privacy. Between Sherlock and his brother you can expect nothing of yours to remain private or hidden from the two. Unless you’re a better hacker / programmer than either of the two.

Surprise shower visits! Sometimes he’ll just come into the bathroom and talk to you while you’re showering/bathing. If you invite him in, though, he’ll usually accept the invitation (only time he says no is if he’s in a hurry) .

Everything important to him has a place. Don’t move anything unless you want him to sulk for a week.

He doesn’t care how you decorate the apartment. Don’t ask him to go furniture shopping because he will, without a doubt, pick the ugliest thing imaginable over and over until you decide to do it yourself.

He has a bad habit of throwing clothes near the laundry basket instead of in it. It’s a problem.

He is remarkably bad at cooking. He can manage burnt toast and frozen dinners, but everything else is as foreign to him as the solar system.

Is oddly picky when it comes to tea.

He’ll remind you of the weather every day before you leave. He’ll either hand you an umbrella, or force you into heavier clothes.

He likes it when you wear his clothes.

Wants a big dog, but will never get one on his own. He won’t object to you bringing a big puppy into the home (or lots of puppies), but he’ll get snippy if they mess up one of his experiments or lose their bladders inside the home.

That being said he’ll love to cuddle with them (and they’ll love him because all dogs love Sherlock because they can sense that he really needs all the love and affection). He’ll take them out for walks and spoil them with treats (but he won’t remember to feed him, that’ll be up to you).

He keeps a lot of candles on hand for blackouts. He has several emergency kits scattered around the flat.

Every time he sees you when he comes home, he’ll feel warm inside. 

Sherlock Scenario

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as you quietly moved about the flat. You had to wake up early that day to go to an appointment, and Sherlock had unfortunately kept you up until three (you had to leave by five). You barely got a half hour of sleep in before your alarm went off.

Sherlock was still seemingly crashed on your bed, oblivious to the world around him. It was sweet looking at him like that; his face entirely relaxed and his dark curls falling over his eyes like a curtain. You wished you could enjoy it longer, but unfortunately the appointment really couldn’t be missed.

So you sucked it up and got ready. You moved slowly, tiredly, but did your best to keep quiet out of consideration for your sleepy boyfriend. You had only just grasped the doorknob when you felt a heavy coat on your shoulders.

Turning your head, you were surprised to find a groggy Sherlock wrapping a coat around you.

“It’ll be cold,” he mumbled, bleary eyes looking you over. 

You smiled tiredly at him, slipping your arms into the coat. Sherlock reached over to the coat rack and grabbed his favorite scarf. He wrapped it around you before tugging it up to cover the lower half of your face. He leaned forward and placed a brief kiss on your nose.

You couldn’t resist leaning towards him, wrapping your arms loosely around his waist and closing your eyes.

He kissed the top of your head, whispering, “It’ll rain, too.”

“Thank you,” you said.

Sherlock pulled away long enough to put a hat over your head and to hand you his umbrella. You tilted your head back, closing your eyes expectantly. 

Taking the hint, the tired detective gently placed his lips over yours. 

“We’ll finish this later,” you said, pulling away.

“I look forward to it.” 

Headcanons for living with Mycroft as his S/O:

Mycroft’s never entered into a serious relationship. The best that could be said about his past relationships were one-night stands, or things that had to be done for his job. He’s never fallen in love with any of them, and so has never courted someone with the honest intention of spending the rest of his life with her/him. 

When Mycroft realizes that he does love you, it’ll cause some minor hiccups in his mind for a few days as he adjusts. When he’s finally ready to act on his feelings the relationship will turn intense very fast. 

He won’t be subtle about his intentions, and he’ll be upfront about wanting you to live with him. 

Mycroft won’t advertise this development. The only one who will figure it out within the first year will be Sherlock and he’ll give you a look of disbelief as if to say: Really? Him? 

Chores will be done by the servants unless you absolutely want to do them. Mycroft likes having a clean and orderly home, but he doesn’t have the time to pick up after himself or clean it himself, so he hires maids that come in every day and tidy the place up.

He doesn’t eat or sleep in a traditional manner. Due to his work his schedule is a little whacked up. 

The only thing consistent about his schedule is that he is always awake before dawn, and he always has a big breakfast. Lunch will be skipped without hesitation if he gets involved in his work, and dinners either don’t happen or occur extremely late at night.

Of course he will make it a point to try and eat with you (that’s what couples do, right?), but it’ll be a 50/50 on whether it actually happens. Every time he has to cancel he’ll send you flowers. 

Sleeping will be the other sporadic part. Mycroft attempts to go to bed at a decent enough hour to get rest, but there will be times that that simply doesn’t happen. Still, he’ll make sure to tuck you in and lay with you until you fall asleep before he slips out and continues to work.

He will always be there when you wake up (unless he’s out of the country in which case he’ll send you a morning message). 

On the nights that he does get to sleep with you he’s not prone to physical affection. He didn’t grow up with it, nor is he touch-starved enough to suddenly turn into a cuddly person. He won’t turn you away if you do you want to cuddle (and he’ll be happy to hold you if it’ll help you fall asleep), but he won’t actively seek it out. 

Shopping will be done online and taken care of by the servants. He doesn’t have the time to do it, nor does he care enough to make the time. 

No privacy. Between him and Sherlock you simply won’t be able to keep a secret. 

He loves taking baths with you. Salt baths are his favorite as they’re one of the few things that he can relax to. He’ll make an evening of it if he can. 

Mycroft prefers traditional decorum over modern. He’d prefer it if his home reflected that taste, but if you hate it too much he’ll be open to change. That being said you cannot change his library or office. He’ll get you your own rooms if you want to decorate them that bad.

He loves reading with you. Sitting beside one another in front of a fireplace and reading a good book is like his own private heaven (especially if there’s cake involved). 

He’s a cat person. He doesn’t mind dogs, but he hates slobber. He likes cats because they don’t require constant attention (little does he know), but he’ll never get one on his own because he detests getting cat hair over his suits. 

If you got a pet he wouldn’t object as long as it didn’t destroy his home or disrupt his life too much. 

Of course the animal would either hate him or love him. There is no middle ground. 

He is a phenomenal baker. If he has the energy and time he’ll make beautiful desserts. There will be a few happy times where you come home and the entire mansion smells like a bakery because he got into the mood. 

He loves seeing you eat his cakes. 

Mycroft absolutely has a panic room, several escape routes, and some top-notch security. 

He also collects antique swords. 

Seeing you every day when he comes home will be one of the biggest stress relievers of his life. 

Mycroft Scenario

You were enjoying a wonderful novel that night. It was storming heavily, and you could hear each boom of thunder clearly and loudly. The mansion creaked from the heavy winds, and most of the lights were out (your home was running on the back up generator by that point). 

You had the fireplace going in front of you, and you were curled up on the couch and under a thick blanket. Occasionally the room lit up in bright white light when lighting stretched across the sky outside the large window, but for the most part it was bathed in warm light from the fire.

Another clap of thunder drew your attention away from your book for a brief moment. In that same instant you could hear footsteps behind you. Turning your head, you found Mycroft entering the room, surprisingly not wet. 

‘Must have parked in the garage, then,’ you thought. 

“Welcome home,” you said, smiling warmly at him.

“Thank you, my dear,” Mycroft said, walking around the couch so he was between you and the fire. He gestured towards your book. “Good read?”

“Mm-hmm. Did you eat?”

“Not yet,” he admitted. “You?”

“Was waiting for you,” you said. 

“Then I shall not make you wait any longer,” Mycroft murmured, extending his hand towards you. You pushed back your blanket and placed your warm hand in his cool one. His fingers curled around your hand. He brought your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of your knuckles. 

Another clap of thunder sounded, this one significantly louder and strong enough to shake you. You jumped in surprise at it, and Mycroft pulled you into him. He ran his fingers through your hair and said, “Now, now, my dear. No need to be scared of a sound.”

“You’re awful,” you said, although you were smiling from his light teasing. You could feel his chest vibrate from his quiet chuckles. He placed a kiss on top of your head. 

“Simply the worst,” he agreed, “but I’m afraid you’ll be stuck with me for quite some time.”

“I suppose I can live with that.”

Headcanons for living with Moriarty as his S/O:

When Moriarty realizes that he likes you in a If-this-person-dies-I-will-lose-my-fucking-mind way he’ll bring you to his penthouse. He won’t really ask you to move in, so much as make it nearly impossible for you to have a reason to leave. 

 His clients only come up to the first half of the skyscraper, and the rest of the floors are dedicated to his private work and living space. The penthouse, the top most floor, will be where he wants you to stay, but you’ll have access to a few floors below. 

Anything and everything you would ever need would be in that building, or promptly brought in at your request. You will be entirely safe there and able to do nearly whatever your heart desires (except leaving the building without Moriarty’s permission). 

You don’t have to worry about chores or maintaining the home. He’ll hire maids to do that for you (or butlers if that’s what you want, he doesn’t care). 

You moving in with him won’t be advertised. Certainly those who see you in the building will know, but you won’t really be able to tell your friends or family. He’ll convince you that it’s safer that way, and if—for whatever reason—you had to meet up with them then he’ll arrange a safe public area for you to do so.  

Given his work he doesn’t eat and sleep in a typical sense. There are times (weeks even) where he’s able to work on a standard schedule, but there are just as many times where he has to forgo sleeping in a bed or eating anything other than protein bars. 

When he has a standard schedule he will make it a point to eat with you at least once a day (usually dinner). On an erratic schedule he’ll send you little messages around the time to remind you to eat. 

On a standard schedule he’ll sleep with you for at least six hours (it’s rare he’ll sleep longer than six hours straight). He’ll come with you to bed, hold you tight in his arms, and make sure you’re the first one to fall asleep. He’ll do his best to be there when you wake up, but that won’t always be the case. On a sporadic schedule he’ll make do with calling you when you go to sleep, and having you call him when you wake up.

Any and every time he has to cancel plans with you he’ll buy you presents, be that clothes, flowers, games... whatever strikes your fancy. 

D o n o t t o u c h his collection of “shoes.” 

He loves surprise shower/baths visits. Frankly, he loves any activity that involves being undressed with you. 

If, goodness forbid, someone else saw you like that though (such as an unlucky servant walking in with awful timing) then they’re getting their eyes popped out, at the very minimum. 

He loves music. Every time he’s home with you there will be music playing in the background. He’ll swing you into his arms and dance with you around the penthouse to it. 

He loves slow dancing with you.

Best of the best when it comes to security. 

Moriarty isn’t much of a pet person. Animals typically hate him (likely sensing his naturally sadistic nature), but he won’t care if you bring one along. As long as they don’t touch his music or shoes, it’s fine. 

Decorate the place however you want. Make it pink like Barbie, or black like Metallica. He truly doesn’t care, so don’t waste your time trying to make him pick stuff out. 

He loves sitting by the fireplace and watching it. He’ll enjoy it more if you sit beside him and cuddle. 

If you’re ever cooking in the kitchen he’ll come up behind you and wrap his arms around you and watch. He’s not much of a chef himself, but he likes seeing you work with knives and fire. 

If you greet him every day with warmth when he comes home he’ll give you a genuine smile. 

Moriarty Scenario

It was around midnight and you woke up having to use the restroom. You weren’t surprised to see that he wasn’t in bed, knowing he probably had more work to do.

After using the restroom, though, you wondered if you should check in on him. You knew he appreciated it when you gave him a reason to take a break. 

So you left your bedroom and headed to the office, but you found that it was empty and dark. Curious, you walked around the spacious penthouse before you finally found him in the living room in front of fireplace.

He was sitting crisscross, leaning back, and staring intently at the warm cherry fire. You approached him quietly, pulling the blanket off the couch as you passed by it.

Jim didn’t react right away when you placed the blanket around his shoulders, or when you sat down beside him. You scooted closer to him, and his arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you into him. You tucked your head into the crook of his neck and you felt him place a brief kiss on your forehead.

The two of you stared at the fire, watching as it slowly cracked and split the wood. Bits of ember and ash burned lazily around the wood, and sparks flew off it at random. The smell was calming, and the sound pleasing.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you stayed there, both completely at ease and enjoying the moment. You thought it couldn’t have been more than half an hour (you later learned it was nearly two), before Jim broke the silence by saying, “Let’s get you back to bed.”

“I’m okay,” you said.

But he didn’t say anything else, merely standing up and pulling you up with him. His fingers curled around your own and he tugged you closer to him. His other hand cupped your face and he kissed you softly. “I’ll join you this time.”

You smiled at that. 

[staircasttext]

Ep 06 Transcript: xXBr0kenStarXx

Episode 6

PAZ: Welcome back everyone to Stairway to StarClan, a Warrior Cats reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we are in an exciting, I guess, finale episode today because we're finishing Into the Wild. Went for a pretty good clip through it, and we're at the end, and, um, I think we'll do more of like, full on like, post book. What's the word?

JULIAN: Like a recap, like, revisitation of the book as a whole?

PAZ: Yeah, our full impressions of the book, post book, later, but I'm just gonna say before I do the summaries that this was a good book. And I had a lot of fun.

JULIAN: Yeah!

LIZ: It was. I mean, it was my first Warriors book ever and I think-- I'm in it now. I'm invested. If this got me at like 12, 13, 14, I would have been the Warriors veteran at this point.

JULIAN: It's never too late.

LIZ: No, it's not. You're right.

PAZ: I mean, it's still quarantine season. No one's gonna judge you for getting into Warrior Cats right now.

LIZ: You think I wouldn't go to like a super-- you know, back in 2019, I wouldn't have gone to a super hip cafe and pulled out of my artisan bag like a Warrior Cats book? Like yes, I have my oat milk latte and read my book Into the Wild right in front. Oh, would you like to join me? Hello, I see you're a fellow fan.

PAZ: Yeah, that's how it goes.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Oh, to sit in a cafe.

PAZ: Ah, truly. Well, no cafes in the wild. Just death.

LIZ: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

PAZ: So let's get into these chapter summaries. Okay, so this week we read chapters 22 through 25, which is kind of like the end of the book, a lot of action and drama. So chapter 22 opens with Firepaw and Graypaw returning to ThunderClan territory after they saw Ravenpaw off. Firepaw goes back towards ThunderClan camp hoping to pick up Yellowfang's scent before the storm ceases entirely.

Her trail leads into ShadowClan territory, and Firepaw grows worried that maybe Yellowfang was a traitor. Graypaw smells kit blood in ShadowClan territory and they find Yellowfang nearby. The two apprentices attack her and accuse her of killing the kits and Spottedleaf, but Yellowfang's genuine shock at the news convinces Firepaw she is innocent.

Yellowfang explains that Clawface, a ShadowClan warrior, stole the kits, and she was trying to get them back. She explains how Brokenstar has been stealing kits and forcing them into warrior training much too early. He also killed ShadowClan kits and then accused Yellowfang of killing them, which was why she was banished. Firepaw promises Yellowfang they'll all rescue the kits together, and the three hide as a ThunderClan patrol approaches.

Chapter 23 opens with Yellowfang deciding to go and convince some old ShadowClan warriors to help and Firepaw deciding to try and convince the ThunderClan warriors to help rescue the kits and also to not attack Yellowfang. They part ways, and Firepaw and Graypaw go out to meet the ThunderClan patrol, which is headed by Whitestorm rather than Tigerclaw, who was ordered to stay back at camp. Whitestorm is much more level headed and open to hearing Firepaw out and agrees to hear Yellowfang out as well, and they go back to their meeting place.

Yellowfang soon returns with three other ShadowClan warriors who want to get rid of Brokenstar. They report that ShadowClan is in shambles, with the old and sick starving and countless kits dying. Yellowfang laments that Raggedstar died in a warrior patrol ambush and that his son has become evil. The cats come up with a plan to lure Brokenstar out into the open by having the ShadowClan cats bring Yellowfang in as a fake captive. Then ShadowClan and ThunderClan cats will attack Brokenstar and his guard once they're out.

In chapter 24, the cats make their way to the ShadowClan camp. Yellowfang and her friends go in and signal the ThunderClan cats to come in, and a fight erupts in the camp. During the fight Firepaw off faces off against Clawface, the cat who killed Spottedleaf, and nearly kills him in his rage before Whitestorm stops him. Then Firepaw sees Yellowfang fighting Brokenstar, who reveals to Yellowfang that he killed his father Raggedstar. Yellowfang is overcome by grief and stops fighting, and Firepaw jumps in to attack Brokenstar before he can kill Yellowfang. Brokenstar says Firepaw won't be able to kill him because he has nine lives, and retreats from the camp with the rest of his warriors.

The ShadowClan warriors who remain that were not loyal to Brokenstar promise to rebuild the clan and keep Brokenstar away. The ThunderClan kits are rescued and Whitestorm promises to leave ShadowClan and peace for one moon, and Yellowfang decides to return to the ThunderClan camp.

In the last chapter, chapter 25, the ThunderClan group returns to the camp, and Frostfur is overjoyed to see her kits back safely. Tigerclaw is angry that Yellowfang has returned to the camp, and Firepaw insists that she is no traitor. Graypaw suggests they look at the fur between Spottedleaf's claws, which turns out to be brown fur of Clawface, and not Yellowfang's gray fur. Tigerclaw still accuses Yellowfang of taking the kits, but Firepaw fiercely defends her and Whitestorm backs him up. Bluestar then formerly asked Yellowfang to become ThunderClan's medicine cat, which she accepts.

Bluestar then asked where Ravenpaw is, and Firepaw says they found his body in ShadowClan territory, where he had been killed by ShadowClan warriors. He promises to tell Bluestar everything later. Tigerclaw pretends to be upset by this news and gives some empty words about regretting the loss of Ravenpaw. Bluestar then declares that it is time for Firepaw and Graypaw to be given their warrior names, which is a ceremony that she conducts. Graypaw is named Graystripe, and Firepaw is named Fireheart. Fireheart thinks about how grateful and happy he is to be in ThunderClan. Tigerclaw then hisses a threat to Fireheart to not tell Blueheart-- Bluestar.

LIZ: I know.

PAZ: Oh my god, these names, they're tripping-- bleagh. There's too many consonants. Fireheart tries to go and speak to Bluestar, but she insists that he follow the traditional silent vigil following his warrior ceremony. The book ends with Fireheart and Graystripe sitting together on their vigil. As Fireheart locks eyes with Tigerclaw across the camp, Fireheart thinks to himself, if he was destined to oppose Tigerclaw, then so be it. And that's the end of Into the Wild.

LIZ: I hope I see you. It's on sight.

PAZ: That really was the--

JULIAN: Again, ShadowClan has got to get better SEO on their names.

PAZ: Oh my god. There's like, Clawface. Clawface?!

JULIAN: Well, and Raggedstar was the good one.

PAZ: I mean, maybe they're just like punk, but like, come on guys.

LIZ: Yeah, that means they have like a whole bunch of like little babies that are just called like, Clawkit and Brokenpaw.

JULIAN: Bustedkit. Like someone please get like an image consultant or something in for ShadowClan.

PAZ: Their medicine cat is named Runningnose. Like come on, guys.

JULIAN: Well, and the one before that, the competent one, was named Yellowfang, which also doesn't fill me with confidence.

LIZ: Yeah, both of the medicine cats have names that say, I have allergies that I can't take care of, and I have dental problem that I can't take care of.

PAZ: Oh gosh. ShadowClan.

LIZ: I mean, just, it loops around somewhat to kind of be like cool again, because if you see like a little baby kitten that's called like, I don't know. Clawevil, something something.

JULIAN: Scorchedkit.

PAZ: Oh, gosh.

LIZ: That's just a little punk baby now.

JULIAN: Is ShadowClan the Hot Topic of clans?

PAZ: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like out of all the clans, yes. And I guess they think the names are really cool, but that backfires on them when they're evil because then it just, you know, seems a little on the nose.

JULIAN: They edged all the way into an authoritarian dictatorship.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah, ShadowClan was having a real bad time.

JULIAN: Yeah, God.

LIZ: They need to be in like a little farming commune now.

JULIAN: Yeah, all the elders.

PAZ: Yeah, I love that there was just like this reveal-- this totally off screen father murder plot happened. Seemed very dramatic.

JULIAN: We said it was Hamlet and turns out it was Hamlet.

LIZ: But Hamlet was evil.

PAZ: It just was happening in ShadowClan. Oh gosh. Yeah. It was also very funny that there was a ShadowClan cat named Ashfur because that's the name of like a major character later. I was like, hello?

LIZ: Is that the same one?

PAZ: No, cuz this one's a fucking old ass bitch, I don't know.

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Yeah, they seem to reuse names sometimes.

PAZ: Which makes, I mean, sense. There's only so many combinations, I guess.

LIZ: It happens in real life.

PAZ: Maybe, maybe Ashfur is just like the like, I don't know, Jake of Warriors names.

LIZ: The Susanclaw of Warrior Cats.

PAZ: Ashfur is just your John Doe.

JULIAN: Yeah, if I search Ashfur on the Warrior Cats wiki, I do get a disambiguation page.

PAZ: Speaking of characters who show up later, I think one of the kids was Cinderpaw.

JULIAN: Oh yeah. Definitely.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a cute little like cameo before she shows up for real in the next book.

JULIAN: God, there was one bit, before they actually even go into ShadowClan, Graypaw goes something about like, "my mother warned me about the stench of ShadowClan many times." And I'm like, Are y'all good?

PAZ: No, they're so xenophobic. To the point when anybody who's not them is smelly, apparently.

LIZ: I have some news for them. They're all stinky cats. They're just rolling around in the dirt and hunting wild animals and never having baths, except for maybe RiverClan.

JULIAN: They all have ass ticks.

PAZ: They do. They definitely all have ass ticks.

LIZ: And fleas. And their medicine is mouse bile and spiderwebs. I don't think they're walking around smelling like Bath and Body Works or anything.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: No.

PAZ: Rolling in garlic too, apparently.

LIZ: Oh yeah.

JULIAN: Maybe they just like-- at this point, none of them can smell very well because everything is so stinky around them at all time, like nose blind.

PAZ: That's kind of how I felt when I was on excavation, and like all we could do is take bucket showers.

JULIAN: Oh god.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I was like, I'm sure I smell horrible right now. But we all are dirty. It's fine.

JULIAN: Yeah. Eugh.

LIZ: Cats can be so stinky, too. Even housecats. There's a point where like they just become stinky. And you have to help them.

JULIAN: Although I will say this for Graystripe. If all the cats have been like eating like roadkill and like getting sick, they may in fact be stinky.

PAZ: That's true.

JULIAN: It's not their fault but.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: I also can't believe that none of the other clans seem to have noticed that ShadowClan has like been all slowly starving, question mark?

PAZ: Right? Okay, maybe at the gatherings like Brokenstar only brings his like best warriors, who presumably get to eat more, so maybe nobody noticed.

LIZ: That's true.

PAZ: I mean, that makes sense to me.

LIZ: They did note also at the last one that like the warriors that he did bring were like, pretty young looking and also kind of skinny, which is because they're also--

PAZ: Yeah, the apprentices?

LIZ: Yeah. They are young and skinny.

PAZ: Yeah, they're babies apparently.

JULIAN: Fucking, okay, chalk up another war crime. That's child soldiers.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh yeah. ShadowClan has that one down.

LIZ: This cat's a war criminal. Violated the Geneva Convention.

PAZ: Yeah, okay. ShadowClan, not only do they have child soldiers, they are taking hostages, too.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: To turn into child soldiers.

PAZ: Yeah, that's some pretty big war crimes if you ask me.

LIZ: How do they conceptualize this as cats?

JULIAN: I mean, they seem pretty upset about the child soldier thing. Like they're all like, Oh, he's been training kits as young as three months old.

PAZ: Yeah. No, like the normal cats aren't happy about that.

LIZ: Oh, no. Yeah, for sure. I mean, like, hey Brokenstar, how did you come up with this idea? Where did you get it from? What the fuck, my dude?

PAZ: Yeah, he's kind of twisted. He's a little twisted. He's kind of a sicko.

LIZ: He's real fucked up.

JULIAN: Brokenstar in his Invader Zim tshirt. I'm a little different.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Screen name, xX, Brokenstar with a 0, xX.

PAZ: Yeah, he's so comically evil. Like, like, way more than Tigerclaw. Like Tigerclaw is like kind of cool and conniving. This guy's just fucking like-- not even like Skeletor. He's just evil.

JULIAN: Like he's not even sneaky about it. He's just like, what's up? I'm gonna torture children.

LIZ: Tigerclaw is like the evil regent in every story. But Brokenstar is just like laughing maniacally on top of like a hill where he's on a throne of bones. And he's like, yes, I will make a soup out of the children.

PAZ: God. Again, if you look at the map in the book, ShadowClan territory is right next to Carrionplace.

JULIAN: Jesus.

PAZ: Which is like, great. I think maybe ShadowClan needs new-- maybe they should just go somewhere else.

JULIAN: Yeah, have they thought about moving?

LIZ: Hey, maybe they could all just be barn cats.

JULIAN: I'm like, do the cats ascribe to the miasma theory of-- just in general?

LIZ: Where are they at in their phase of society?

PAZ: They don't know shit about germs.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Because it seems like even if you don't understand germs, you might understand that those are bad vibes coming from the Carrionplace and you should...

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: The vibes are really rancid.

LIZ: What about their humors? They're gonna get all messed up.

PAZ: Too much black bile or whatever. I think we're looping back into Hamlet. We've done it again.

JULIAN: I think-- yeah, we've done.

PAZ: Shit.

JULIAN: Welcome to Staircast where every episode we loop back around to discuss Shakespeare.

LIZ: Finally, my degree comes in use.

PAZ: But poor-- I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what happened chronologically. It's all kind of, a lot of action going on. But like poor Yellowfang.

JULIAN: Yeah. She seems to have really liked Raggedstar.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, she's very, very upset to hear he was murdered by his own son. But I also mean like, poor Yellowfang. Like, even like Firepaw gets a moment where he's like, oh, maybe she is evil. Like, leave her alone.

JULIAN: Yeah. No one trusts her.

LIZ: And she's getting like, jerked around so much. Like she was basically like, welcomed before cause of like a huge act of bravery, specifically involving children, like saving children. And then she got cast out immediately. And the same thing is happening again. And like, that's good, but also like, how-- she must be thinking like, well, is this one gonna stick? Fuck if I know.

PAZ: Yeah, right. I guess maybe now she's like, if I'm the doctor, they probably won't kill me.

LIZ: She was the doctor last time, too.

PAZ: No, she wasn't. She wasn't the doctor. Spottedleaf was still there.

LIZ: No, no, in her clan anyway, like in ShadowClan.

PAZ: Well, that's cause Brokenstar is a sicko.

LIZ: That's true. Tigerclaw isn't a sicko but he's a real nasty guy.

JULIAN: The sicko versus nasty guy dichotomy. Oh, another one of Brokenstar's crimes I'm finding here is he also like forced out all the elders and made them hunt for themselves.

PAZ: Yeah, what the fuck?

JULIAN: Which is just like, well, fuck you. You took the one good thing about this fucked up cat society.

PAZ: That was real fucked up.

LIZ: They have already such a hard time like conceptualizing sharing and like mutual aid. So let's make it worse.

PAZ: No, I mean, like, they got that mutual aid. It's just in very clearly defined borders is the issue. But Brokenstar said, fuck that. Brokenstar said, we're going full authoritarian, baby.

JULIAN: It does sound like ShadowClan has some-- I mean, maybe ThunderClan has it too and we just haven't seen it yet because Bluestar is a girl boss. But like, it seems like they have some fucked up ideas about leadership already because Yellowfang is like, oh, no one could stand up to Brokenstar cause Raggedstar was his father, and his word is law. And it's like Well, great. You've reinvented monarchy.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Yeah, like is ShadowClan just doing like rules of succession? Like cause I don't think--that's not how it's supposed to work, even though it feels like that. There's a real nepotism problem in ThunderClan coming down the line.

LIZ: Ooh, good.

PAZ: I think we'll see but um, but yeah, like ShadowClan just straight up has like their first son succession rule going on or whatever.

LIZ: And it's definitely not supposed to be like that. And like the whole word is law thing, that is-- like we see pretty early on that Bluestar at least consulted like the other members of the clan on pretty important decisions. She's always like, what do you guys think? And I would like your input on this, right?

PAZ: Yeah. I think we do get to see more of RiverClan and WindClan in the upcoming books. Definitely WindClan I think comes up in the near future.

JULIAN: Oh yeah. No, they definitely do.

PAZ: But yeah, I'll be interested to see what they got going on in their leadership structures. Also, I think Firepaw should have committed a murder.

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: He's allowed.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was like in the heat of battle. It's justified.

PAZ: Right? These cats killing each other constantly. Just let him have it.

LIZ: He can have some like conflict about it later, but you know, I think he should do it for the drama.

JULIAN: Oh, I do have a quick question. Hey, how the fuck does Graypaw know what kit blood smells like?

LIZ: That has never popped up before.

PAZ: That's a great question, actually. Yeah.

JULIAN: Like very specifically like the blood of kits. Excuse me?

LIZ: It was so alarming when it popped up because it was like oh, like did one die? Is this just like a bloody scene? No. It's like just the scent of it, right? Like around?

JULIAN: Yeah. And like when we do find the kits one of them was like-- like a couple of them were like kind of scratched up. But.

PAZ: Maybe like in the camp the kits get like, I don't know thorns in their paws or something. Who knows?

LIZ: How do you pull those out if you don't have thumbs?

PAZ: Your teeth.

LIZ: That sounds like it hurts.

PAZ: Well yeah, probably.

JULIAN: I mean, it hurts when you have thumbs, too.

PAZ: But this series does also not stray away from child death. So don't worry about that.

LIZ: They're just little guys though.

PAZ: Yeah, but they're warriors. They're out in the wild. And anything could happen.

LIZ: (crestfallen) I see that now.

PAZ: This series is like the opposite of video games where like the children are invincible and you can't kill them. The children here are very killable.

JULIAN: Yeah, I would say children die like a lot in a series that is meant for children.

PAZ: Uh-huh. I'm kind of amazed that all of these kits survived, actually. Good for them.

LIZ: Yeah, there's a pretty good survival rate in this book. I can't wait to see that just decimated.

PAZ: I feel-- just like from knowing general knowledge about what happens in the first series, I think it gets real bloody near the end.

JULIAN: Oh yeah. Yeah, it does. Um.

LIZ: I guess it's not called Peacetime Cats.

PAZ: Yeah, it is kind of wild to be like rereading this as an adult, and be like these are like so graphic for kids novels. I mean, kids like love that shit, but.

JULIAN: Right. I don't know if I like-- if I remember it being in this book, but there's definitely like in later books, like explicit descriptions of like cats getting their throats torn out, and like, cats getting like disemboweled. And like--

PAZ: I feel like there was a bear trap or something at one point.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh god, the bear trap. Oh, God, that was awful. Yeah. And like kids do eat that shit up.

LIZ: Oh, for sure.

PAZ: But usually, it's not like in the kids media. It's usually like you sneak in and like watch or something you're not supposed to. This series is just like, fuck it.

JULIAN: Yeah, gloves off. Ugh. Speaking of kit death. Firepaw completely forgot to mention that Ravenpaw was dead until like, they got back to the camp and like, did a lot of other exposition.

PAZ: Oh my god, that was so funny.

JULIAN: Like he didn't even remember to act sad when they met the ThunderClan patrol. He was just like, Oh, this is fine.

PAZ: Oh my god, yeah.

JULIAN: And then when they get back to camp, it's like, oh, by the way, real sad. He's dead.

LIZ: It's his limited object permanence. He's just a little guy.

PAZ: There was a lot going on. But yeah, he's uh, he failed in his great like, subterfuge plan there, I think.

LIZ: He did the best he could as Firepaw.

PAZ: Yellowfang was just giving him a look like, uh, excuse me?

JULIAN: Yellowfang has the only brain cells in this entire, like society of cats.

PAZ: It really feels like that.

JULIAN: And then later on Firepaw-- after becoming Fireheart, when Tigerclaw threatens him, is like Bluestar has to know about Tigerclaw's treachery. And it's like, yeah, she would have if you hadn't forgotten to tell her.

PAZ: I know. You could have told her when the witness to the murder was still in the camp. But no. Oh, God. Yeah. And then he says something like, Tigerclaw isn't a problem to be solved in a day. I'm like, it could be. It really could be. I don't know.

LIZ: Mm, I think the sooner you solve it, the better, too.

JULIAN: Like it's only going to take longer the more you let him get his claws in.

PAZ: Haha. Yeah, though. But, but it was also very, like, Whitestorm like, is the cat who like comes out to help in the ShadowClan battle, specifically because Bluestar is like Tigerclaw is too bloodthirsty, so he'll have to stay in camp. And I'm like, Bluestar, why didn't you just make Whitestorm the deputy?

JULIAN: Right?

PAZ: Hello?

LIZ: Yeah, he's like, right there. He's doing great.

JULIAN: He's right there. He's like, very chill.

PAZ: Yeah, he seems like a real nice, nice guy. But I guess if he have been a deputy, he would have gotten fucking murdered instantly.

JULIAN: Yeah. I guess it's good.

LIZ: Maybe she did ask and he was just like, no.

JULIAN: No, I don't want to die today.

LIZ: I'm good.

JULIAN: That's the secret. You got to turn down the promotion or they make you do more work.

PAZ: Yeah, he just wants to go like, take some sunbaths, like he doesn't need that deputy business. It also like boggles my mind that nobody investigated the murder scene with Spottedleaf before. Like, if you can just look at like fur color and rule out suspects, I feel like you should do that right away, maybe.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, they had just found out the kits were missing. So tensions were kind of high.

LIZ: They need to have more jobs aside from doctor, president, evil vice president, soldier, and mom.

JULIAN: Are you suggesting that the cats need to have cops?

LIZ: Noooo, oh I take it all back.

PAZ: No, just like forensic scientists.

JULIAN: Okay.

LIZ: Alright.

JULIAN: That's fine. I mean I guess if you think about it, they're all kind of cops already.

LIZ: Noooo.

PAZ: They got that multipurpose job title. Also going back to the Ravenpaw thing, that lie was like, also just terrible in general because everyone saw the three of them leave together. So it's like, Firepaw, are you gonna make up a story like at some point you got separated and that's where Ravenpaw got killed? Like, it's just-- the holes in this story are enormous.

JULIAN: He like straight up doesn't even come up with a story. He just goes, Ravenpaw is dead. Oh, no, he does come up with a story. I'm sorry. I'm rereading it.

PAZ: It's just not very good.

JULIAN: They found his body in ShadowClan.

LIZ: On the other hand, Tigerclaw can just say whatever shit he wants, and that's fine with everybody.

PAZ: That's true.

JULIAN: I mean, if we think of Firepaw as like, exemplar of the average cat intelligence in this clan, it might not be that hard.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: What a grim prospect.

PAZ: Well, you know, apparently nobody liked Ravenpaw. So I guess they don't really care enough to think too deeply about it.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: So sad.

JULIAN: Including, like his siblings.

PAZ: I know, fuck his siblings.

LIZ: His siblings fucking suck.

JULIAN: I hope he's having a great time getting those Barley smooches.

LIZ: Good for him.

PAZ: Yeah, there's like a line. Oh, yeah, it's like after Tigerclaw pretends to be sad about Ravenpaw. Firepaw is like, "what would Tigerclaw say if he knew that Ravenpaw was safe, far beyond the forest, catching rats with Barley?"

JULIAN: Good. It's what he deserves.

PAZ: It is what he deserves. Not deal with any of your shit.

LIZ: Get out of the horrible, wartorn, militaristic cat society.

PAZ: Also, like, I guess Ravenpaw is also like, only five hours away from also being a warrior.

JULIAN: What do Sandpaw and Dustpaw think about this? Because they're older, right?

PAZ: Oh yeah, that's true. Probably pissed. Maybe they became warriors offscreen. I don't know.

LIZ: I don't know, a lot's happening. Maybe they did. They're just not part of like, the main friend group. So, they went patrolling or something together.

PAZ: Here's some trivia though about Ravenpaw. Tara says that if she could have made Ravenpaw a warrior, she would have named him Ravenwing.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aww.

PAZ: So that's his warrior name that was never realized.

LIZ: That's very cute.

PAZ: That's a good name, I think. We love and support Ravenpaw here.

LIZ: We do.

JULIAN: He's our little guy.

PAZ: He's our little guy and he's a member of our community. So we have to support him.

LIZ: Absolutely.

PAZ: Yeah, but then once again, that does raise the question, though. How does like Bluestar come up with these names? Does she just have like a list she pulls from, like?

JULIAN: I mean she does like have a line to StarClan, it seems like. Maybe they're giving her the names.

PAZ: StarClan has that Warriors Cat name generator up there. They're clicking away at it. You know, if I was leader, I would absolutely having to give people their names. That's too much pressure for me.

JULIAN: I mean, I think she picks pretty good ones. Like Fireheart and Graystripe are pretty solid.

PAZ: No, they're good. I'm just saying if I was a cat and a leader of a Warrior clan I would not be good at it.

LIZ: I mean, not good in the way that they would like, but would there be-- if it was me, would there be a lot of cats named like Oatmilk and Jeremy? Yes.

PAZ: I'd be the one naming people Fuzzypelt.

LIZ: They should be honored.

JULIAN: I dub thee Susanclaw.

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: Susanclaw is extra funny because someone pointed out in the later books that there are cats named, like Bellaleaf I think is one of them. There's cats that basically get names that are Susanclaw in canon, so.

LIZ: No, no, no, no. You don't understand. That cat's Italian.

PAZ: Oh, okay. I see. My bad. But you know, I do appreciate this series like promoting the idea of like, name changing being simple and easy, and like, just swapping, like how you refer to someone. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, it's nice. Like, the cats have names that change throughout their lives like, as their roles in the clan change. Like even when they become elders, sometimes they get weird names.

PAZ: Sometimes the name changes are questionable, but. But yeah, I mean like, it's because it's part of this like cat society lore mythos. But I don't know, I think it's nice for children to see that concept at least, like changing names not being like a big deal, so.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Nice to have.

LIZ: Yeah, the scene at the end is like, very sweet because they just changed their names, and like both of the cats are like swelled up with pride. And everyone just immediately starts chanting both of the new names, and it's great. Like that's a wonderful little scene to have there.

PAZ: Yeah, it's very heartfelt and touching.

JULIAN: Yeah, I legitimately really do like all of the like Warrior Cats little rituals that they have.

PAZ: Me too.

JULIAN: Like all the religious stuff is cool, but also just like the life of the clan and like, you know, the stuff that they do to mark people's passage from like kit to apprentice and apprentice to warrior is neat.

PAZ: Although the fucking vow of silence thing really fucked Bluestar over in this case, because she's not getting to hear vital information.

LIZ: I know.

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't have anything else for the rest of the-- or for the book.

PAZ: Yeah, a lot of it was mostly like action. Um, and ShadowClan being cartoonishly evil, or I guess just Brokenstar being cartoonishly evil. Um, let me just look.

LIZ: Hey, did you know that if you google Ravenpaw, one of the suggested additional words is Ravenclaw-- sorry, Ravenpaw sad?

JULIAN: Oh. Oh, no.

PAZ: Makes me sad.

JULIAN: Hey, how come Fireheart gets two moms and Ravenpaw has none?

PAZ: Yeah, that's not fair.

JULIAN: Ravenpaw, who needs the most moms.

LIZ: He does. What the fuck?

PAZ: Can Ravenpaw get like any parents? Any parents at all? Oh, god, it's okay. Ravenpaw can go hang out with the cows and sheep.

LIZ: They're his moms now.

PAZ: Yeah. Oh my god, I do-- I can't stop thinking about that fanart I saw where the artist very specifically made it so Ravenpaw and Barley were in a trap neuter return program. Everytime I think about it, it kills me. Nothing but respect for that artist and taking a strong stance.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: I think we have to describe this art a little. It's just a--

PAZ: No, it's very nice art. It's very, very sweet.

LIZ: They're just like sleeping on a windowsill, and then the tag underneath is like, by the way.

JULIAN: I think it's because they have like the little ear corner taken out.

PAZ: Yeah. I would not even have made that connection if not for that helpful clarification in the tags. Well, I hope they're having a good time over there in that barn cause shit's still going down in these woods. Yeah, I don't know. That was a good arc in the first book. Yeah, I don't have much else about these chapters.

LIZ: Oh, one last thing I guess. Just like a nice scene. When Yellowfang and Firepaw are like meeting up again, she says something like, you were looking the wrong way the first time I met you too.

PAZ: Oh, yeah, that was very cute.

LIZ: It was. That's her son now.

PAZ: Yeah, I like their relationship a lot.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: That is his mom now.

LIZ: Yeah, at some point like, he says like, in the-- he didn't say in the dialogue, but in the text it's like, oh, he's so happy because like the cat that he had grown to love is going to join his clan. Aw.

JULIAN: That's his mom.

LIZ: That is his-- boogie woogie woogie, you're my mom now.

PAZ: His two moms. I think Yellowfang is a better mom, though. I'm gonna pick sides.

JULIAN: She's certainly a smarter mom.

LIZ: Yeah, you need at least one mom who can like do the taxes and know when assassination plots are happening.

JULIAN: Yeah. It's important for a household to have clearly, like delineated division of labor.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: And Bluestar's job is look cool and get visions.

LIZ: Tag yourself, which one are you? Don't worry, the visions are tax deductible. They do work together.

JULIAN: Well, as we know, if it's a religious organization, it can be a non-profit.

PAZ: These cats don't need to discover taxes.

LIZ: Wait, if a cat had a mortgage, it would be a meowgage.

[laughter]

PAZ: Thank you.

JULIAN: Thanks.

PAZ: I think with that, I think we can move on to hear from the authors themselves.

[meow]

Um, so I figured to celebrate us finishing the first book, we could look at some interviews from the authors about the series and like the conception of the series, because I don't know, I think it's interesting, kind of how it came to be. So I think we look at the one on the Warriors Cat official website first, because it's kind of short. So this is a post from Vicky Holmes, who I think is the-- I don't know if she's one of the authors or editors.

JULIAN: I think she was one of the like original Erins.

PAZ: She was, but I'm not sure if she was an author or like the overseeing editor. So this is just like a post on the website about the origins of like, the Warrior cats and its world building. Great first paragraph here that ends with this inspiring sentence. "Writing really is all about harnessing the fish and persuading them to whisper their stories to you." Thank you, Vicky.

LIZ: I love that.

JULIAN: Vicky, why are you writing about cats and not fish?

PAZ: Yeah, so she goes in a bit about like the conceptions of the series. She says, "many of you know that Warriors began with a request from a publisher for a book about cats. They didn't mind what form the story took, just that it would appeal to a ready made nation of cat lovers. The earliest worldbuilding tried to establish the elements that are needed for any good story: characters from different backgrounds, a strong sense of location, lots of potential for conflict and resolution." I think that's so funny that the publisher was just like, write some shit about cats. People love that.

LIZ: Were they wrong? Were they wrong?

PAZ: No, they were right.

JULIAN: They were right.

PAZ: I don't know if the Erin Hunters need to go so hard, though. But they did. And thank you for that.

JULIAN: Oh, this is interesting.

PAZ: Do you want to read the next paragraph, or?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah, sure. Um, "it was decided quite quickly that we would focus on a tame kitten joining a band of feral cats who lived in a forest. These cats would be divided into clans that sometimes fought and sometimes united against a common enemy." We have yet to see that, but. "There would be a town or at least a clutch of modern houses next to a broad expanse of woodland and moor, and some spiky stone hills in the distance where the cats could visit an old mine for quasireligious purposes. A rough cast list was drawn up, and we came up with the idea for composite names that would change according to the stage of life that the cat was in: kit, paw, etc.

At first the four clans were called RiverClan, WindClan, ShadowClan, and StarClan. This would be the clan that our hero, the tame kitten joined. He would be treated as an outsider until he did some heroic things. And then at the first book, indeed the only book, he would be made the leader of StarClan." Whoops.

PAZ: Yes, that's another interesting piece of trivia is that they initially planned for it to be one book, like a single book. They were not expecting a series, really. And I don't think they were expecting to go beyond the first series once it became a series. So that's quite funny.

LIZ: Look at where they are now.

PAZ: I know.

LIZ: People love cats.

PAZ: The publisher was right. There is a ready made nation of cat lovers. Yeah, I didn't know that trivia about StarClan initially just being a regular clan.

JULIAN: She goes in a little later to talk about it was they chose ThunderClan because the territory is bounded on two sides by the Thunderpaths, which is fun.

PAZ: Um, Liz, do you want to read some of the next one?

LIZ: Yeah, I'll read the next part. "It was at this point that the development of Warriors became my responsibility. The stories were proving hard to nail down, and as I was a very new and inexperienced commissioning editor, it was a chance to test my creativity on a project that didn't have an established audience. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into for, dot dot dot..."

PAZ: "Given that nearly 20 years have passed, it's a bit difficult to remember exactly what order things happened in. But I know that I soon realized that StarClan would be a much better name for the ancestors that my living cats worshipped in the night skies. This meant I needed a new name for the fourth clan. RiverClan lived near a river, WindClan lived on the windy moor, ShadowClan lived in the pine forest. So it seemed logical that ThunderClan whose territory is bounded on two sides by roads should be named after Thunderpaths, which meant that at this point, I didn't foresee an origin story in which each clan was named after its founding cat." Which I think is what they've retroactively done now.

JULIAN: Really?

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. I think there's like ancient cat history, quote, unquote, "ancient," because the cats. There was like Thunderstar or whatever.

JULIAN: Oh, the last paragraph is great. "I had a very rough map drawn on a scrap of paper, names for my clans, and a starting place for the story, Rusty the kitten feeling bored with his life and wondering if tales of wild cats in the forest were true. It was time to harness some bigger fish and follow Rusty's adventures into the woods."

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Aw.

LIZ: I love the continuing fish metaphor. It's very good.

JULIAN: It's very good.

LIZ: Also, just going back to the previous paragraph about names, ShadowClan lived in the pine-- why is it not PineClan? Or even ForestClan?

PAZ: I don't know, I guess those weren't cool enough. I guess also, they probably just said we need an evil clan.

LIZ: That's absolutely true. But in the universe as a cat, why would you do this to yourself?

PAZ: They're just goth and punk. What can you do?

LIZ: You're right. Gotta respect that.

PAZ: So yeah, that was a very recent article. I think this was posted like a week or two ago. But I have another interview from the old Warrior Cats forums, which were obliterated in 2016, I think.

JULIAN: Tragedy.

PAZ: This is the interview with the Erins from 2010. So this is-- God, this is 11? God, this is 11 years old now.

LIZ: Old enough to start middle school.

JULIAN: This is older than my brother.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Jesus.

LIZ: Also this is--

PAZ: But there's-- oh.

LIZ: Oh, no, just want to say it's on archive.org. Thank goodness for that.

PAZ: Yeah, you have to access anything from the old Warriors forums through Wayback Machine, which is very frustrating. But I'm glad some of it is archived. Yeah, so there's some interesting Q&A stuff in here. This first question. Shademint's coming in with some, some weird gender ideas.

LIZ: Right from the start, too.

PAZ: So the first question is from Shademint. And they say, "the rule for medicine cats to not take on a mate, does that go for male medicine cats, too? They wouldn't exactly be stuck in the nursery nursing their kids, they could still work. But are they still required not to take on a mate?" Somebody want to read the Erin?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah. "Hi Shademint, a male medicine cat could still work. But just because he can't give birth to cats wouldn't make him any less distracted. He would still be focused on the raising of his own kits and by his mate's needs. Plus a medicine cat must treat all the cats in his clan fairly. Could you imagine how difficult it would be for a medicine cat to treat his own sons and daughters after a battle, and maybe have to make them wait for treatment after other more seriously injured warriors?" Nice save by the Erins.

PAZ: The Erins were like, we support equal shared labor from the parents, so.

LIZ: That's a very graceful answer, hopefully teaching this-- I'm assuming-- 12 year old boy, that if you're a father you should also parent your child.

PAZ: Yeah, Shademint was like, Why don't they just be absent fathers? What's wrong with that? I also like this answer for other reasons, ignoring some future stuff. But you know, that's a little foreshadowing for our readers in the know.

LIZ: Just a fun hint for me, I guess.

PAZ: Do you want to read the next question?

LIZ: Yeah. Two. "Hi, Erin. I've been wondering, how did three of you meet? I think about it a lot. Please reply. Thanks." From Lilybreeze.

PAZ: And they reply, "Hello, Lilybreeze. This is Vicky here. So I'll answer from my viewpoint. Before I started in Warriors, I worked as an editor of children's books. Kate and Cherith were established children's authors, who were interested in working with me on a project. Kate started first on Warriors. For book 3, I realized that we needed another writer on the team in order to deliver the books fast enough, so I invited Cherith to join because I knew she loved cats, and even more importantly, would be able to write in the way that sounded like a combination of Kate and my style.

Meanwhile, Tui Sutherland, the fourth Erin who wrote Secrets of the Clans and some of the Seekers books, was the editor at HarperCollins Children's books who worked on the finished Warriors manuscripts. After the early seasons, Tui left to write her own books, and I quickly asked her if she could join the Erin team as well. So the short answer is I knew each of the other Erins through work, and now consider them to be my friends. The other Erins have never met, partly because they live so far away from each other."

LIZ: What?

PAZ: They're in the UK. They probably live like an hour and a half away from each other.

LIZ: That's so far, geez.

PAZ: An impossible distance.

JULIAN: Y'all have trains.

PAZ: "But we all correspond by email." End answer.

LIZ: Amazing.

PAZ: This is so interesting to me. I don't know if this is like common in publishing to do this shit, but like, what a wild way to to start your book.

LIZ: Okay, I have some thoughts. One, you know, there's three of us. We could totally-- listen, we love cats. I mean, the Erins can use the competition.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: We're gonna start a competing series of collaborative cat books, in which the cats of CrabClan learn about socialism. And our pseudonym will be Terran Punter.

LIZ: Wait, hold on. Terran Gather.

JULIAN: Holy shit, I'm sorry. This is completely unrelated to the wiki or the sorry, the interview. I went on to the Warriors wiki because I remember there being seven Erin Hunters, and the other three joined after this interview. "Gillian Philip is a former member of Erin Hunter team. As of June 2020, she's no longer with the Erin Hunter team due to her conduct and demeanor and actions on her public Twitter account. The nature of her comments resulted in her being stripped of her work."

PAZ: Oh my God.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: Jesus.

LIZ: What did she do?

PAZ: Was she like off being like a TERF on Twitter?

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: I just assume any British person's doing that.

LIZ: Yeah, you know, that's--

JULIAN: I mean, it's June so I wonder if it was like some--

PAZ: Ooh. That's fascinating.

JULIAN: --Black Lives Matter bullshit.

PAZ: You know, like, I love to see that she was just fucking kicked off entirely.

LIZ: You should have some, you know, immediate action.

JULIAN: She was a TERF. I found the results.

LIZ: Oh, man.

PAZ: Yeah, I assume any British lady who gets in trouble for something is just being a TERF online. But wow, that's really nice to hear actually that they punted her to the curb.

LIZ: Immediate fuck off. Good.

PAZ: Yeah, unlike some other British TERF authors who still have a platform

LIZ: I can't possibly know who you're talking about.

PAZ: No, I don't know. I don't know who it could be.

LIZ: Also, I do want to draw attention to like a cute little part in this answer, where Vicky's saying like, I worked as an editor of children's books, and then it says in parentheses, "(I still do, in fact, in between being one of the Erins.)"

PAZ: It always sounds like they're a band. But yeah, that's a fascinating way to write a book to me. But I think it's worked for them, so

JULIAN: Oh, they talk a little bit more about the process in the next answer.

PAZ: Yeah, I can read out that question. "Hi, Erin. I can't believe that I'm actually talking to the person who created all those awesome books that I buy and read EVERY NIGHT!!!" Three exclamation marks, all caps.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Parentheses, "(when I can, that is.) How long does it normally take to write a book?" asks Spottedfang?

LIZ: That's adorable.

PAZ: Very cute.

JULIAN: I can read the answer. "Aw, thank you, Spottedfang. There are certainly plenty of books to read, aren't there, if you read them slowly. Take note, those of you who are very proud about being able to read a whole book in one day. It takes about two months to write the storyline for a new book, which includes details of what happens in every scene, plus some suggestions for dialogue and character development. This is Vicky's job. The final storyline usually takes up half the length of the entire book.

Then the storyline goes to Kate, Cherith, or Tui, who have about three months to write the first draft. Then the manuscript comes back to Vicky, who spends about a week or so carefully going through it, checking that it all sounds like Erin, and that the story works as she imagined. Sometimes she asks whoever wrote it to do a bit more work on it. But if all the words seem to be in the right place, she sends it to the editor at HarperCollins. Erika for Warriors, or Sarah for Seekers. They go through the manuscript and ask for changes or additions to be made to make the book as perfect as it can be. Sometimes Vicky does these changes. And sometimes she asks Kate, Cherith, or Tui, whoever wrote the first draft, to produce a second draft. Then it goes back to the publisher ready to be turned into a book. So the entire process takes about six months in total, although we are always working on two or three books at once, so that we can produce more than two books a year." Jesus, they turn them out.

PAZ: That is crazy.

JULIAN: Wow.

LIZ: That is a lot of books.

PAZ: That is such a tight writing deadline.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, I guess like if Vicky is doing the storyline. And then she does a storyline, and then one of the authors has three months, she can be doing another storyline during those three months.

PAZ: Yeah, that's true.

JULIAN: But God.

PAZ: Yeah, and I mean, I guess it works because you already have like, established worldbuilding, but oh my gosh.

LIZ: It feels like a good like process. Like if you have someone to map out, you know, the the basic planning and everything, and you already have that set of rules from your universe. And then you can just pass it on between people who are also very familiar with it. Like it sounds like they have a good clip going.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, it seems to have worked, so good on them, I guess.

LIZ: I wouldn't want to do this twice a year, but this sounds like something fun to like, try.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Just, um, what do you call it a thing where like-- this isn't the same thing, but it's like a group of people. They write like one section of a story and then like they pass it on to the next person.

PAZ: Exquisite corpse?

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Yeah. Like, kind of like that, but a little more organized. I don't know. That sounds fun.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. I've liked like what I've done, just like collaborative like fic or whatever, in the past. It's been fun. It's a nice challenge to kind of fit into someone else's style.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: It is cute that they refer to it as the Erin style.

PAZ: I'll be curious to see if I can like notice when a book switches a writer. I think we learned early in this interview, the first three books were all one author, so. Do you want to read the next question, Liz?

LIZ: Question 4, "hey Erins. Do you have any guidelines or rules when naming Warrior Cats? When I first started reading the series, I heard something about how you were breaking your own rules for creating warrior names. Are there any, or is that just a fanbase thing?" From Hawkclaw20.

JULIAN: Hawkclaw has clearly fallen afoul of the Susanclaws of the world.

PAZ: I can read this. "Hi, Hawkclaw. Well firstly, we can only create names from words that cats know about. So you're unlikely to find a leader with the name Ferraristar." Why not? "A warrior's name comes in two parts, either or both of which can reflect something about the cat's appearance, personality, or habits. For example, fur, claw, heart, or stripe, or something about the natural world like fire, bramble, or cloud. You can also have colors or something descriptive, such as tall, red, or swift. So Hawkclaw is a perfect example."

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: "These are the basic rules by which we have followed throughout Warriors, although you might be interested to know that in the very first book, Tigerclaw was originally called Hammerclaw."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: [singing "Can't Touch This"]

PAZ: "Until someone pointed out that cats wouldn't know what a hammer was." Oh my god.

JULIAN: How far into the prep process do you think they got before they were like, oh fuck.

PAZ: Hammerclaw.

LIZ: No, they finished the entire first draft and they were like oh, fuck, we need to Control-F hammer.

PAZ: Oh my god. Hammerclaw's a much less intimidating name. It's so funny.

JULIAN: Yeah. I'm very glad they made that switch.

PAZ: Yeah, oh my god.

LIZ: That's so funny. He just sounds like a guy on YouTube who like makes stuff.

PAZ: Some like weird like blacksmith YouTuber is...

LIZ: Yeah, he's a guy with a beard silhouette as his icon. That's what it is.

PAZ: Oh my gosh. Okay, question 5. "Are greencough and whitecough actual sicknesses, only with different names? If so, what are they?" Basilstar.

LIZ: That's such a cute name, Basilstar.

PAZ: Extremely cute.

JULIAN: I know. "They certainly are real, Basilstar, although we haven't based them on a specific illness like pneumonia. Whitecough is a chest infection: coughing up clear fluids, feeling tired, but still able to eat or drink. And greencough is a severe chest infection: coughing up green fluid"– yuck– "and feeling too ill to move, let alone eat or drink. This is why so many cats who catch whitecough end up developing greencough if it goes untreated.

PAZ: Nice little bit of--

JULIAN: Bit of lore.

PAZ: --medicine lore.

JULIAN: I think whitecough/maybe greencough come up like in one of the next books, like pretty soon.

PAZ: Yeah. Next question, I think is about the Seekers series, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, a number of the next ones are. Although right after it is--

PAZ: Yeah, I think seven is Warriors.

JULIAN: Number 7.

PAZ: Do you want to read that, Liz?

LIZ: Yeah, question 7. "Okay, StarClan gives clan leaders their names and nine lives. They lose their lives to sickness and wounds. But what about age? Let's say a leader gets really old. Do they die over and over again?" From Foxcloud. There's a second question in the same number. So I'll read that, too. "What happens if a leader dies of natural causes on their first life? Do leaders lose all their lives if they die of natural causes on their first life? I REALLY want to know." And that's from Moonstar99.

PAZ: These are such big brain questions I never even considered.

JULIAN: Foxcloud has raised a horrifying possibility.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: Which is that like you get old. You like get old enough to die and then you just speed run dying nine times.

PAZ: Oh God.

LIZ: That's terrible.

PAZ: I feel like someone must have written like a horror story like that.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. I can read it.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: "Welcome to the Ask Erin pages, Foxcloud and Moonstar. In the natural world, animals rarely get to die of old age. They're more likely to die sooner than their domestic counterparts due to the harsh lives they lead."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "Without medication or a reliable source of food."

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, Erin.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

JULIAN: You put them in the woods.

LIZ: They can't get vaccines there.

JULIAN: "Even very old warriors usually die because of something else, such as a disease, or hunger, or extreme cold. Leaders are even more likely to lose lives because they take part in most battles, and would go without food or medical treatment for the sake of a clanmate in greater need. So it would be unusual for a leader to make it to a very great age with more than one life remaining. If they became very weak, say from being unable to eat or because their kidneys were failing--"

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "--I think they could return once. But after that, more than one thing inside them would fail, and they would lose successive lives very quickly."

LIZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: This is horrifying.

LIZ: Holy shit.

PAZ: This is so scary.

JULIAN: This is so scary. Erin! Erins!

PAZ: Oh my god. I love that they just admitted like, yeah, like wild cats just fucking drop like flies. But it's okay because they're cool.

JULIAN: These cats eat it constantly.

LIZ: They jump from oh, from death in battle to their kidneys failing.

PAZ: Yeah, I feel like there is a cat that dies of kidney failure.

LIZ: Oh my god. You know how you can, you know, mitigate that. I have a suggestion. Take them inside to the vet.

JULIAN: Take them to the cutter.

PAZ: Not dying of kidney failure is a small price to pay for not having balls.

LIZ: We'll take the balls, but we'll take the other stuff too.

PAZ: Oh gosh.

LIZ: Who wants to read the next one?

JULIAN: I can read it. Number 8. "I heard this question during a book signing, and I'm curious. Will there be an albino cat sometime in the series? I think it would be really cool if there was. It would make the book really interesting." Starshine.

PAZ: "Hi Starshine, we are definitely considering an albino cat. But we're waiting for the right story to come along so its unusual coloring can play a central role." Um, to my knowledge, this has not happened yet. So sorry to Starshine.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Also, what do they mean by albino cat? Because there are like white cats in the series. I know like albino cat and white cat are different.

PAZ: I guess they just have like cool red eyes and bad vision. I don't know.

LIZ: I also think that cat can just like, be. Just let that cat be in the story.

JULIAN: It doesn't have to play a central role.

PAZ: I think Starshine may have an OC that they want.

LIZ: Starshine is like, here's my G-- no, no, sorry. Here's my Hotmail address.

PAZ: Do you need another Erin?

LIZ: I know in several years, you're going to be kicking one out and I will-- I'll probably be at an employable age by then, so.

PAZ: Okay, well, sorry to Starshine from 11 years in the future. That didn't happen, as far as I know. So the next Warriors question is number 10, which is--

JULIAN: I think this is also the last one.

PAZ: Ah, I think there's one more we got to read.

JULIAN: Oh, you're right.

LIZ: Oh, I see it, yeah.

PAZ: Number 10. "How popular is Warriors?" From Pigeonheart.

LIZ: I can read that one. "That's kind of tricky to answer, Pigeonheart. As popular as the readers make it is the truth. New books always make the top 10 on the children's bestseller charts in America when they're first released, which is a good sign that a series is doing very well. In the UK, only the first series has been published. So the books are less well known."

PAZ: What?

LIZ: "Although they have some dedicated fans. Warriors is much better known in America, and hundreds turn up wherever I tour. Yet in the UK, where I'm from, the popularity is more, dot dot dot... subdued. That said, my very first UK event in October 2009 was a big success. So watch this space."

JULIAN: That's wild.

PAZ: Why is only the first series out in the UK?

LIZ: That's so crazy.

PAZ: That's so confusing.

LIZ: I mean, it's worldwide now, so.

PAZ: Yeah, it is, but okay, then. Once again, the mysteries of publishing, I do not understand them.

JULIAN: You would think that I would have like a better grasp on how publishing works, given like that we know folks who work in publishing. But I do not.

PAZ: I have no idea, no.

JULIAN: It is a mystery to me.

LIZ: All I've learned from that is that publishing's real fucked up.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Basically. Okay. There's one last question we must read.

JULIAN: Oh, yes.

PAZ: Which is number 12. "Will you write about horses? Yes, they live in groups (herds) and they'd be different from Warriors. Horses aren't exactly really like cats, but they could travel their home every so often. Horses would be a very neat idea, and I'd rather like to see a series about it sometime. Sincerely, Willowfern, parentheses, (your number one fan.) Smiling sunglasses emoji."

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Incredible.

LIZ: Julian, would you like to read this beautiful answer?

JULIAN: Oh, yes. I would love to. "Are you a horse lover too, Willowfern? We have considered writing about horses because they are such beautiful, intelligent animals. But we were concerned that horses tend to run away when anything exciting/scary happens."

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "We need our heroes to sprint towards danger, not vanish over the horizon in a cloud of dust. Also, cats have tiny paws, which are handy for harvesting and using herbs, whereas you can't do much with a big clumsy hoof. However, never say never. Maybe when we've written about some other animals, we'll find a way to bring horses into their own series."

LIZ: Looks like someone didn't watch Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.

JULIAN: This is such a funny like reason for not writing a horse book.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: A very popular genre.

LIZ: Yes, they're fucking cowards and don't have thumbs.

PAZ: This is just like a big own on horses.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Horses can never be warriors.

JULIAN: Can't pick up grass, fucking cowards.

LIZ: Wait, warhorses were a thing.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: More than cats, you could say.

PAZ: Oh, God.

JULIAN: Like horses fight each other all the time.

PAZ: Yeah, I bet they do.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess they didn't want to get into like the sexual dynamics of like...

LIZ: Nooo.

PAZ: Oh gosh, no.

JULIAN: Stallions.

PAZ: Oh no. Also, I will say like if horses break a leg they're just goners. They're like, bye-bye, so I guess that's another downside.

LIZ: I read a lot of horse books when I could have been reading Warriors Cats books. That's so-- yeah, you sprain your ankle? They just shoot you.

PAZ: Yeah. Did anyone else here ever read Misty of Chincoteague?

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yes. In fact, I was Misty of Chincoteague for Halloween in third grade.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Um, it was great. Everyone thought I was a cat. Because it turns out if you dress up like a horse, you need to have like some sort of back situation. Or people are just like, oh, you have pointy ears. Cat.

PAZ: That's incredible. I loved those books.

JULIAN: I was really upset that A, no one recognized that I was a horse, and B, no one recognized that I was specifically Misty of Chincoteague.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: I would have recognized you. You should have gone to my school.

JULIAN: Thank you.

PAZ: Yeah. Could have banded together. My very fun story about that series is I did get to go to the pony run on Assotague as a kid.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh, that's so cool.

PAZ: Yeah, I think it was probably like 12 or 13.

LIZ: The perfect age for it.

PAZ: It was so cool. And I would go again as an adult, so.

LIZ: Yeah, sounds like a cool place to go. My personal experience with that book is I loved it so much. I kept it in my lunchbox every single day I was at school.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: That's adorable.

JULIAN: I was really worried that this story was gonna have like a tragic ending.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Like you were gonna spill something awful on it.

LIZ: It does kind of. Yeah, I spilled like some salad dressing on it.

PAZ: Oh no. I think my mom gave me her copies of the book from when she was a kid.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Yeah. So I think if Willowfern needs a horse series, just go read Misty of Chincoteague. Well, yeah, that was the end of the Warriors questions in that interview. I think it's very nice that they did like interviews of the, like 13 year olds on the forums.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. The writers, like from what I can tell, seem pretty like, engaged and supportive of the fan base, which is nice to see.

JULIAN: Yeah, the first paragraph of that Vicky Holmes interview was her talking about like, one of the best things is seeing how many kids write their own fiction in the world of the books, which is really sweet.

PAZ: Uh huh. And, um, the official website does like, like fanart, like spotlights and like, features a lot of fanart with like credit, of course, which is very nice.

LIZ: Yeah, from the the first page that we looked at, that's, you know, on the current website, like, right in the middle of that writing thingy is a banner with some deviantArt fanart with little credit. And another fanart of the I think ancestor cats with some credit, also on deviantArt. So it's sweet.

PAZ: Yeah. That's nice to see. Yeah, I mean, that was it for this section. I am hoping we'll be back next week with a more in depth like book wrap up retrospective episode. So look forward to that, probably. And then we'll be moving on to Fire and Ice. I think I accidentally called it Ice and Fire in the last episode. So apologies. I know what books we're reading.

JULIAN: Outed as a fake fan.

PAZ: Yeah. Sorry. You're gonna have to cancel me now. I'm also announcing my resignation from this podcast.

JULIAN: Oh, no.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: For my unforgivable crime. But yes, that's the update. Very happy we finished Into the Wild. Had a great time. And I'm very much looking forward to the next book.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: And once we figure out what-- we'll probably announce what chapters we're reading them, in the next episode.

JULIAN: Yep. And that will be on our Twitter, which is @staircast.

PAZ: Yes. And, as always, if you have any questions or anecdotes, you can send them in to stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. I think maybe every few episodes, we'll kind of dive in there and take a look if we have anything and answer them. And thank you so much again, everyone, for listening.

LIZ: Oh, one more thing, because we are now on Spotify. Right?

PAZ: Yeah, we should be on Spotify. And we're also on Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts. So if you listen there, go check it out. Also, I guess leave a review if you want. I don't know.

LIZ: You know, we're just vibing.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I guess that's all the housekeeping.

JULIAN: Thanks for listening. And also, this has been really fun to do with y'all.

PAZ: Yeah. Thank you so much for listening, and for doing this podcast with me. It's been very fun. And I hope everyone who's been listening has been having lots of fun too, because that would be the best thing to get out of this is for everyone to have lots of fun.

LIZ: Thank you for taking me on this journey with you.

PAZ: Yes. I'm excited.

JULIAN: Thank you for coming on this journey. It's so fun to talk about this with someone who like hasn't read the books before.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm really glad we could get a initiate here.

LIZ: A noob.

PAZ: A noob, as they would say.

JULIAN: (with a funky accent) Your fresh perspective.

PAZ: Okay, well, I think that's gonna do it for us. And we'll see you all again next week, and until then, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

[outro music]

PAZ: We clap.

LIZ: Podcast wrapped.

PAZ: We finished the first book!

JULIAN: Time.is. I know. [claps]

PAZ: It really has been so fun. Thank you guys for doing the podcast.

JULIAN: It's been really really nice. I've loved doing this.

LIZ: It's fun. I knew I was gonna have fun with the book, and of course you guys, but I got way more into the book than I thought I would.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm so glad.

PAZ: Me too. I'm back in it. Yeah, I forgot how much I liked this series.

JULIAN: Same.

LIZ: It's real good!

JULIAN: They're just funky little guys.

LIZ: That's the thing.

JULIAN: I'm really invested in all of their emotions

PAZ: Yeah, we haven't even hit the real like romance drama aspect of these books yet.

JULIAN: Oh God.

PAZ: Oh, it's gonna pop off. It gets wild.

LIZ: Paz has been showing me, like these characters way ahead of me that I'll never remember by the time we get there, but all these women cats just going apeshit, and I'm like yeah, I'm ready for this.

JULIAN: It's good.

PAZ: There's definitely some apeshit women.

LIZ: Oh, wait. We should also just clap before it gets too far.

JULIAN: Yes.

[meow]

PAZ: [typing] Okay, cat psychedelic substances.

JULIAN: You're gonna get put on so many watch lists.

PAZ: "Behavioral effects of LSD in the cat." What?

JULIAN: Who is giving the cats LSD?

PAZ: B. L. Jacobs, apparently. They fucking gave these cats LSD.

JULIAN: Why would they do that?

PAZ: "We talked to a scientist who gave LSD to cats back in the 70s."

JULIAN: Okay, back in the 70s it was a little easier to do shit.

PAZ: But no, I don't know if this was-- okay, yeah, this article was published in the 70s. I just notice. In the news article reporting on this, they have a picture of a cat, and the caption is, "photo of a presumably sober cat via Flickr."

"Reporter: So what do cats look like when they're on acid? Did they seem to have good trips?

Dr. Barry Jacobs: With a dog, I could have told you, right? Because he'd be wagging his tail and have a big smile on his face. The one thing I can tell you definitively is that none of them seemed fearful, meaning we studied cats for years in my laboratory. And what a typical fearful cat would do is crawl into the back of the cage. These are all done in cat cages, you know, big large, where they can move around, but nice and clean.

None of them crawled to the back of the chamber, and stood there looking at you in a fearful manner. That didn't happen. Some of them ran around like crazy people bounding around. Can I say that they were happy? No, I can't tell you about happiness. But they certainly seemed-- can I say they enjoyed it. They were really bounding around as opposed to having behaviors that looked fearful. And a lot of them stared for long periods of time."

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: They gave these cats acid. Oh god. "So why were they licking their paws so much? Maybe-- and this is a guess, maybe has something to do with increased sensitivity through their paws? That is, they felt something crawling on their paws, which would be very consistent with hallucinatory-like interpretation.

JULIAN: Oh no, the poor cats!

PAZ: "After the study was published, did you get any backlash from animal rights groups? No. This was a long time ago. Once we--" no. Well, um, we know that now.

JULIAN: Incredible.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really sweet.

PAZ: No, I was looking at Ravenpaw trivia on the wiki. And it says--

JULIAN: Oh, I thought you were talking about the art that Liz linked.

PAZ: The art's also very cute. But the wiki trivia says Ravenpaw is revealed to be one of Vicky's two favorite cats because he is quote, "shy, says dumb things under pressure, and is much happier living outside the clan rather than the middle of a busy community governed by rules."

JULIAN: Aw.

[gethealthy18-blog]

322: Coronavirus & COVID-19: A Common-Sense Approach With Pediatrician Dr. Elisa Song

New Post has been published on https://healingawerness.com/news/322-coronavirus-covid-19-a-common-sense-approach-with-pediatrician-dr-elisa-song/

322: Coronavirus & COVID-19: A Common-Sense Approach With Pediatrician Dr. Elisa Song

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

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Hello, and welcome to this special edition of the Wellness Mama Podcast, where I will be focusing quite a bit on coronavirus, COVID-19, and all of the things we need to know about this. I’m here with someone I really highly respect and I’m excited to share with you on today’s podcast on this topic. Dr. Elisa Song is an MD. She’s a pediatrician and a pediatric functional medicine expert. She’s also a mom. She runs an integrative pediatric practice and has been quoted across the media when it comes to coronavirus and COVID-19. She has a really well-researched post that goes into detail on this, and that will be linked in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm, for all of you who want to find it, along with all of the resources we talk about in this episode. And I think her perspective is really valuable, both from the medical side and as a mom. She’s in the data daily. She is seeing patients daily. She’s keeping a very close pulse on the trends as we’ve now upgraded to a pandemic. And in this episode, she’s going to really go through, basically, what we need to know medically, what we need to know as parents, and how to handle both the societal and economic issues that come along with this and if anyone in our families were to catch it. And so, we’re going to go deep on all of those topics today, and she’s going to really break down the myths related to this, what we do need to know and why, while we do need to take this seriously, we don’t need to panic and be afraid. So, without further ado, we are now going to join Dr. Elisa Song about all things coronavirus.

Katie: Dr. Song, thank you so much for being here at such short notice to answer all of our questions.

Dr. Song: Oh, yeah, no problem. I mean, this really is sort of a last-minute kind of a thing because it’s such a moving target with coronavirus and really we need to keep updated every day.

Katie: Exactly. And I knew that I wanted to make sure I spoke with you about this because not only are you a pediatrician, but you’re also a parent and you’re also a researcher and you are staying on top of all of this information. So, to start broad, I know a lot of people have a lot of questions about coronavirus, specifically COVID-19. To make sure we all are on the same page, can you just define what this virus actually is?

Dr. Song: Yeah. That’s a great question because you’ll see a lot of different names in the media. So, COVID-19 is actually the name of the respiratory illness that’s caused by the novel coronavirus that was just detected in Wuhan, China back in December. Fast-forward we’re actually not even three months from that time and just yesterday as of our recording March 11, the World Health Organization declared the novel coronavirus now a global pandemic. Well, you’ll see the virus is actually circulating and now there’s been a mutation so there’s two different strains that we’re aware of. You may see it in the news as 2019 novel coronavirus. You might see it as 2019-nCoV or you actually may see it as SARS-CoV-2. Now, why is that? Because years ago when another human coronavirus that caused SARS, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, that was SARS-CoV and so this one looks very similar. So, those are all the same names 2019 novel coronavirus, 2019-nCoV and SARS-CoV-2 and then COVID-19 is the disease caused by the new coronavirus.

Katie: Got it. Okay. That’s really helpful.

Dr. Song: Yeah. And so what we have to remember is coronaviruses have been circulating forever and so we have this huge range of coronaviruses. They’re named coronavirus because of the Latin word corona which means crown. So, if you look at these pictures, it’s actually… I mean, I have to say from the pictures, it’s a really pretty virus with these crown-like spikes that are sticking out from the virus that then attach to our cells. But coronavirus can cause very, very mild symptoms like the common cold to more severe illnesses like what we’re seeing now in COVID-19 and in SARS and in MERS, Middle East Respiratory Syndrome. So, we wanna really understand that, yes, this is a more virulent and pathogenic virus that is circulating, but I’m so glad you’re doing this podcast because we really need to break through a lot of the hysteria and the panic. And I’ve been telling my parents in my practice, let’s just be rationally prepared. Let’s try to, you know, kind of weed through all the panic and see what we as parents really need to do for our kids.

Katie: Absolutely. And that’s exactly why I wanted to have you on today. And I know as you said that just as of the time of this recording, I know it was very recently upgraded to a pandemic. And I know that now there are travel bans being put in place and a lot of major events in the U.S. have been canceled because of this. But based on the numbers, how many people actually have this version of the coronavirus that we’re actually seeing? Is it more people than the flu? Like, what are we looking at proportionally?

Dr. Song: You know, right now it’s not necessarily more than the flu. I think what the concern is, is the mortality rate, and of course, you can’t help but pick up the paper… I don’t know how many people actually pick up the paper nowadays, but, you know, open up your laptop, look at the news, turn on the radio, scroll through your whatever social feed you’re on and hear of another death here and there. And that’s what is frightening parents, grandparents. It’s frightening kids too. I mean, my son just literally last night came home and said… He asked me, “Are all grandparents going to die?” And I thought, “Wow. Where did you hear that?” Right? And he heard it from another boy in his class. And so, you know, it is the mortality rate that is very concerning. And the way that I’ve been tracking it, and there are lots of flaws in the different trackers, but Johns Hopkins University has a tracker that uses five different databases. So, I do think that they’re probably the most accurate and they update… It’s literally a live update. You can go on there and look at the timestamp. Here in the United States we’re seeing an increasing number. And there are some challenges with tracking and knowing the actual numbers because we in the United States have had a paucity, I would say a really unfortunate paucity of test kits. It’s only just this week as we’re speaking, so March 11 that clinicians like me, you know, out in the field, we are the ones who may be seeing coronavirus and diagnosing COVID-19, but it’s only now that I just have the capability to test patients. But even that’s very, very limited because we are limited by the supplies that the labs have.

So, right now, we know that on March 12 there’s little over 1,300 cases in the United States and there have been 38, you know, tragic deaths here in the States, many, many more in Italy and China. But looking at the mortality rate, we have to take into account given that there are very, very likely and this is not to sound scary at all, but there are very, very likely many, many people in our communities, children and adults who have coronavirus and have no idea. And we don’t know. The public health department doesn’t know because we haven’t tested them. So, when we look at that and then look at the number of deaths, we’re likely looking at a much lower mortality rate than what’s been reported. In the news, it’s been reported to be, you know, anywhere from maybe 2 to 3.5%. Some experts think that it is likely well under 1%. We just don’t know. I mean, that is one of the concerns is that because it’s novel, brand new, the world has never seen this before December 31 when Wuhan, China announced it. But there’s a lot of unknowns, but even in the short amount of time, you know, less than three months, researchers are really trying to identify what’s going on, the characteristics of the coronavirus, the clinical symptoms and how we can better identify and maybe even treat coronavirus and COVID-19.

One thing that I want parents to know, as far as symptoms go, children and infants seem to be really very spared of serious illness. So, we can breathe a sigh of relief in that sense except that, you know, what I’m concerned by is that many children are likely then, you know, asymptomatic transmitters. And what we do want to be mindful of is that, you know, many of our grandparents, you know, people over 70 years of age. Age seems to be the most significant factor in serious illness and also death. So, you know, we do wanna do our part to stay healthy ourselves and minimize the transmission of the novel coronavirus to those susceptible individuals. But to date, there have been no deaths reported in children under nine.

So, now the symptoms of COVID-19. They run the gamut. I mentioned that we can have asymptomatic carriers and we know that’s absolutely the case now. It wasn’t quite clear in the beginning could you be asymptomatic and carry it, but now we know, yes, people can be walking around with the novel coronavirus, be infected but with zero symptoms, which is what we see with influenza. About 50% of patients with influenza will have zero or mild symptoms. So, the same thing with this novel coronavirus. The initial symptoms are often reported as fever which might not be present if you’re really young or if you’re really old or immunocompromised, and then upper respiratory symptoms, cold, sore throat, you know, stuffy nose, headache, you know, all the same things that we might think about with colds or flus which is confusing right now because we are still in the middle of influenza season. I mean, last week, I saw two kids with influenza B that I tested. Just yesterday I saw a family, the entire family of 4 including the 10-month-old baby and the almost 5-year-old boy had influenza A, and I will say, you know, the baby actually had it the least, was the least symptomatic. I mean, he was walking around smiling and playing. But then we worry about COVID-19 becoming more serious, becoming a lower respiratory infection with difficulty breathing and mild pneumonia and then some will progress on to more severe pneumonia and something called acute respiratory distress syndrome. This is what we’re hearing about, you know, patients really in the ICU, the intensive care unit, with severe lung disease requiring ventilators, and then ultimately, their organs can start to fail and they may go into what’s called sepsis, which I know a lot of people are familiar with that word sepsis, may not necessarily know what that is. But sepsis is not good because many, many people will die of sepsis and that’s eventually what people die of. But I do want to emphasize, the vast, vast majority, 80% or more of people who are infected with a novel coronavirus have very mild symptoms and possibly no symptoms.

So, do we want to then test everybody? If I had it my way I would test everybody because I just want to know. Not to stigmatize or alienate and you have to be really careful of that too because there are a lot of misperceptions especially with children that I’m hearing in my kids or the kids at their school. When this first came out in China, there were questions like, “Well, so, should we not eat Chinese food? Should we stay away from all Chinese people?” We cannot, you know, really spread those misperceptions and we really wanna talk with children about what’s real and what’s not but in a non-scary way and we can go into, you know, how do we talk to kids about this because there are a lot of misperceptions. But bottom line, what I tell kids and what I tell parents, the vast majority of us, we’re gonna have really mild symptoms, it’s gonna feel like a cold, so we don’t want to walk around panicked, but we also want to be mindful of the fact that there are people who are susceptible to having more serious illness and we wanna be aware and mindful of reducing the risk of transmission.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. I think from a parent’s perspective, it’s a wonderful time to talk to our kids and explain how their immune system works and why hand-washing is so important. It’s obviously something we’re all already doing, but something that we can really help get across to them why it can be helpful. Like, there’s so many lessons in this that we can, without being fear-based, impart to our kids. And I think you’re absolutely right. I don’t worry at all for anyone in my immediate family because I know that we’re all in low-risk categories. But I think all of us living in our communities locally have an obligation to at least consider the ramifications for others, like you mentioned, the elderly population that we would encounter or I have friends who are immunocompromised or who have been, you know, organ donors who for different reasons would be more at risk. And also the fact that I know that some of the projection models, one of the bigger concerns is if this virus takes off too quickly and too many people are infected at once, we will run into issues like hospitals being overcrowded. And so making sure that we take into that community, like, effect into account as well as we’re considering not just, is this going to hurt us, but how could this really drastically impact our communities and our economy going forward? So, to that note, what do we need to watch for as parents? I know you said kids can especially potentially be asymptomatic and be able to transmit without even knowing, but what symptoms do we need to be on the lookout for and then also how can we reduce the chances of transmitting it?

Dr. Song: Yeah. So, that’s a great question. So, the symptoms to look out for, initially, you know, as I said, it’s confusing right now because they’re really gonna be mild cold symptoms, and we’re not going to know whether or not you have the common cold, you know, a coronavirus cousin the common cold, the sort of COVID-19 or influenza unless we test. However, I really want to urge all of you listening, do not rush to your doctor’s office. Do not rush to the ER. Do not rush to an urgent care clinic to get tested because what we saw in China is the rapid spread was likely due to many, many people in the waiting room in the ERs lining in the hallways waiting to get tested and if they did not have coronavirus in the first place, they may be exposing themselves or if you did have coronavirus, exposing people who didn’t have it. So, I would call your doctor’s office first. Figure out, is this something that you need to be tested? Otherwise, do what we would normally do. I mean, Katie, you have such amazing resources on your blog on really how to support our children, you know, really naturally and, you know, boost their immune systems when they are sick. And we do the very, very same things. This is not different. I still recommend to my families, “We’re gonna up your vitamin D. We’re gonna up your vitamin C. I use Oscillococcinum. We use different immune boosters. I do use elderberry.

So, there are lots of different things that we can do that would be the same. So, we’re gonna treat initially your child’s cold or flu symptoms in the very same way regardless of what is going on, but if your child starts to have difficulty breathing. Now, what are the signs of difficulty breathing in your child? Well, if they start to breathe maybe a little bit more quickly, you can count how many breaths they’re taking in a 15 second period. One breath is an inhale and an exhale and then multiply it by four. That’ll give you how many times they’re breathing per minute. If they’re breathing more than about 40 times per minute, I would want you to call your doctor. Other signs that your child might be having difficulty breathing, of course, if you hear any wheezing, whistling sound, and sometimes that’s from the nose, we can’t tell, but if it’s also associated with flaring of the nostrils when they’re breathing or really their stomach muscles or the rib cage pumping in and out using extra muscles to help them breathe or if they’re grunting every time they exhale. Those are signs that they’re increasing their “work of breathing” that they’re using a little bit more energy to breathe. So, those are times when I would want you to call your doctor. And again, I would urge you to call your doctor first before you go to urgent care just to assess what you should be doing. Now, you know, that being said, you know, the best way to really prevent coronavirus transmission and also reduce the likelihood of our kids and ourselves getting infected, the number one is washing hands. And I know that you’re seeing that in the news. It’s so common sense, but really and truly, this is so important.

There was one study… There were statisticians that looked at airports and really looked at what could the impact be of properly washing our hands? And I’ll go into what properly means. But the first statistic to know is that, you know, when people have kind of watched, you know, other people in the bathroom after they’ve gone to the bathroom and, you know, leave the restroom, about a third, one in three people don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. And so that’s something that is really startling. And I would bet that many more kids don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. So, just, you know, talk with your kids about that. And then they looked at, you know, were they doing it the right way? And when they looked at that, they saw that only about 50% of those people who actually did wash their hands were doing it the right way. And I can tell you when I’ve watched my son, right, what does he do? Run his hands quickly under the water. Maybe just put a tiny little bit of soap on and wet his hands and that’s it. Right? That’s not proper hand-washing. So, how do we do it the right way? And I wrote a blog on how to teach your kids how to wash their hands the right way because this is really, really important. We wanna wash their hands I would say at least 30 seconds because some of the studies looking at influenza virus they found that 30 seconds is really what we need to do. Not singing your ABCs one time through, right? Most people can sing their ABCs in about 30 seconds. So, we wanna wet our hands, lather with soap, and then what’s really, really important, get not just your palms like most people do, backs of the hands, in between our fingers and under our nails. And you can get under your nails by opening up your palm and rubbing your nails on the inside of your palm and doing that for 30 seconds. And then we wanna rinse and dry and then, of course, we wanna… When we turn off the faucet if we’re in a public restroom, not so much in our own home, but in a public restroom, you wanna turn off that faucet either with a paper towel you use or with your elbow or something else because we don’t wanna recontaminate our clean hands. But why is this important? They found that if people could wash their hands the right way, if just 60% of air travelers wash their hands in the right way and maintain clean hands, it could slow down the spread of coronavirus infections by almost 70%. That’s huge.

And really, you know, one of the things that I looked at, it wasn’t clear in the beginning of what was then the epidemic now the pandemic was, could this novel coronavirus live on surfaces like, you know, handrails, you know, like your cell phone, laptops, countertops? It wasn’t sure. But now we know, yes, it can live on surfaces. And when we look at other similar coronaviruses like the SARS coronavirus, the MERS coronavirus studies have found that, you know, we know that the coronavirus can live on surfaces for at least three hours, but maybe even up to nine days. Now, that is not to panic you, but to let you know that if you’re out and about and you’re touching anything and, of course, we are touching things all the time, you want to make sure that you wash your hands effectively before you eat, before you touch your face at all. Now, when we… That’s another issue too. I was just actually… I spoke with a reporter who wanted to get my tips as a pediatrician on how do we keep our kids’ hands away from our faces? Right? I know, you know, Bodi… And not that Kenzi is perfect in all of this, but, you know, Bodi is younger and he just… I mean, he’s just a little grosser, right? I mean, he kind of touches things all the time, puts his hands in his mouth. I mean, he’s just, you know, everywhere. And so really, you know, how do we keep our kids’ hands away from their eyes, their nose, and their mouth? Because we know that, you know, adults, when they’ve looked at adults, we touch our faces at least on average 23 times an hour. That’s more than once every three seconds. And for kids, it’s likely more than that. And, you know, when we do touch our face, it’s usually around our mucous membranes, eyes, nose, and mouth exactly where we can have coronavirus enter. So, we don’t want our kids to panic, or we don’t want them… We don’t want to constantly be nagging them, “Stop touching your face. Don’t do that.” What we wanna really do first is helping kids be aware of when they’re touching their face because if we’re not aware and paying attention, we can’t stop that habit. So first have them just notice, while you’re sitting at the dinner table while you’re sitting reading a book, notice how often they’re touching their face. And then when we ask… When we want them to stop doing that, instead of saying, “Stop touching your face,” you wanna frame it in a little more positive way. We wanna frame it in the way that we’re telling them what to do, what positive action to take instead of what not to do. “Keep your hands down. Keep your hands in front of you. Put your hands on the table.” Whatever it is that we want them to do, but, you know, bottom line, we want them to stop touching their face, but if we constantly nag and yell at them, they’re gonna tune that out eventually. So, we wanna frame it in that more positive way, right?

And then, you know, with washing hands… I mean, washing hands with soap and water is the number one way to keep our hands effectively clean if we’re doing it the right way, but we’re out a lot and many of us are hunkering down. Some schools have closed, so your kids are gonna be at home more and maybe not out in public places and so you have your bathroom to wash your hands with soap and water, but many times we don’t have that. And so, you know, hand sanitizers are the next best thing, but when the studies have looked at what actually can kill or inactivate coronaviruses, human coronaviruses on surfaces, what they found to be the most effective, a few things, but one of the things that was found to be most effective is an alcohol solution with at least 60% alcohol. They’ve also found that like 0.5% hydrogen peroxide or a point 0.1% bleach solution can be effective, but we’re not gonna… Hydrogen peroxide and bleach may be fine on surfaces, but that’s not what we’re gonna sanitize our hands with. So, that’s where you’ll see the recommendations online, at least a 60% alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Now, if you’ve gone to the store or if you’ve gone on Amazon, I mean, there’s no Purell to be found unless… well, that’s not true. There may be, but it might be $100 for a tiny little bottle, right? And so, you know, there are lots of ways that we can make our own hand sanitizers and I know that you’ve written about that as well, but we wanna make sure it’s at least a 60% alcohol base. With that, you know, I just literally yesterday put up a blog post of how do we do that, because it does take some math, some calculations, and you might have different percentages of isopropyl rubbing alcohol. So, if you have a 99% rubbing alcohol, you’re basically gonna do two parts alcohol to one part aloe vera gel. If you’re allergic to aloe vera gel and I just had a mom, you know, comment that she just can’t find any aloe vera gel, you can use glycerin. That’s a fine substitute. More commonly you’ll see 70% rubbing alcohol or isopropyl alcohol. So, with that, you need to use more alcohol to aloe vera gel to make it a 60% solution. So, nine parts alcohol to one part aloe vera gel. And so I have three different options with the rubbing alcohol depending on what percentage you have whether you have 99%, 91% or 70% in an article that I literally just put up yesterday and, you know, parents are really appreciating that practical breakdown, right? Because if we’re gonna go through the effort of making our own hand sanitizer, we want it to be effective.

Katie: That makes so much sense. And I love that you… You’re right. I do have a post. I know you do as well. I’ll link to both about the hand sanitizers and a lot of the things you just mentioned. And I love that you also mentioned vitamin D because this is something I always am cognizant of this time of year anyway because I know I’ve read data that having optimal vitamin D levels can reduce the risk of a lot of respiratory issues and the severity of lots of types of illnesses. So, even if we’re not worried about coronavirus, this is still cold and flu season, there’s still a lot going around. And I know you can speak to this better than I can, but since it is a fat-soluble vitamin, it’s one you don’t want to just overdose on. So, I know I test our whole family this time of year and make sure our levels are within range, but I feel like that is one evidence-backed thing that I think is important to be aware of and to take this time of year. Do you have any additional advice on the vitamin D front?

Dr. Song: Absolutely. So, one thing that I just wanna make sure people know is that as of now, we have no idea what an effective treatment against COVID-19 will be, whether it’s pharmaceutical or natural. We just don’t know. I mean, this is a brand new virus. And so I do want people to, you know, exercise caution and use their common sense when reading, you know, any number of posts online that may claim that certain natural supplements may treat and cure COVID-19. Now, that being said, we know that there are a lot of things that can theoretically help reduce our likelihood of getting the new coronavirus in the first place and significantly reducing our symptoms. And we have evidence for that, which is, you know, for me, as a pediatrician, I really wanna make sure that I’m recommending things that have solid evidence of potential good and also are not gonna harm. So, vitamin D, as you said, I mean, that is one of the supplements that I am the most religious about in terms of giving my family and myself to keep us healthy throughout the wintertime because there are so many other germs circulating besides just this. And you’re in Florida, but even in Florida where the sun is shining and kids are outdoors a lot more, many, many kids, in fact, the vast majority are still deficient or insufficient in vitamin D. So, I do recommend testing if you have that option because, you know, as Katie mentioned, vitamin D is fat-soluble, it does get stored up in your fat cells. It potentially can get to “toxic levels,” although, you know, I have never ever seen that even in kids who are taking quite high doses.

But why vitamin D? Well, when we look at COVID-19, and I had mentioned that one of the complications that we worry about, although not common, but, you know, can be fatal is sepsis. And we know that vitamin D actually can help reduce your likelihood of developing sepsis if you get any infection. It’s been called a “pro-survival molecule” and it actually helps our body produce a protein called cathelicidin that has amazing antiviral and antibacterial properties. So, maintaining our vitamin D levels at really optimal healthy levels is really key to keeping our immune system strong. Keeping our immune system strong with the right foods and with the right supplements is I do believe going to be the key to keeping us healthy and keeping our own coronavirus illnesses as mild as possible. So, you know, in general, once our levels are “optimal,” the maintenance dose recommended by the vitamin D council of vitamin D3 supplementation is 1,000 IUs per 25 pounds of body weight up to, you know, 100 pounds and then they really, you know, have you… recommend limiting it to 5,000 IUs daily unless you can monitor it with your physician. So, I mean, my kids are getting, you know, 3,000 and 4,000 IUs of vitamin D3 per day. They are 8 and 10 years of age and that’s the appropriate dose according to their weight. And I know they have good levels because I’ve checked them. I take 5,000 a day, but if I’m starting to feel a little under the weather, I’ll take a little bit more.

So, there’s vitamin D and then I’d also mentioned vitamin C. Now, vitamin C. What they found in studies is that IV vitamin C when given in the intensive care unit to patients with sepsis, you know, full organ failure, multi-system organ failure, can significantly absolutely reduce the death rate compared to those patients who didn’t receive vitamin C. So, you know, I’m not gonna say that vitamin C will cure you of coronavirus if you do contract it, but certainly as a powerful antioxidant, it is a very important part I think of prevention and if we start to feel sick, you know, really, you know, helping support our immune systems to fight and ward off any infections. Really when we’re sick with any infection, our body creates inflammation, of course, and produces a lot of free radicals. It’s these free radicals that make us feel sick. When we have more free radicals we feel more sick. So, that’s why, you know, when we see people with a range of symptoms, it is, I do believe, those people who have a higher level of antioxidant reserve that don’t feel as sick and don’t get as sick and, you know, don’t get as many complications because those free radicals once they’ve done their job, you know, we want them around to fight the infection, but once they’ve done their job, we want to bring those free radicals down, get rid of them and mop them up with antioxidants. And antioxidants are gonna be, you know, vitamin C, vitamin A, vitamin E, think all the colorful fruits and vegetables, which is why we have to go back to the foundations of how do we keep our immune system healthy and really looking at food as medicine, getting rid of the sugar because sugar absolutely suppresses our immune system’s ability to fight off infections. So, this is not the time to be… If your children are, you know, anxious or fearful, we don’t want to give them sweets or, you know, treats that then help them maybe feel better temporarily because a lot of us may think about doing that. Oh, I know, you know, reach for the ice cream when we’re nervous. But we don’t wanna do that right now. We wanna really, you know, help our kids with their anxieties in another way, not using food and really using the power of food to keep our immune system strong.

Katie: A 100% in agreement with you on that. And to echo what you said, I think it’s important to realize this is a virus, so it’s not something that we have, like you said, even conventional treatments or cures for, but with any illness, we always have the option to support our immune system, to support our overall health, to get good sleep, to spend time outside, to take vitamin C. The things we do know have a benefit just for overall health and for supporting the immune system, and that’s something positive we can focus on versus falling into the fear side which is also bad for your immune system to begin with.

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I know one question that comes up around this and I’ve been getting online as well, is to do with explaining what a cytokine storm is and ways that we can help our body to, again, have a strong immune system and to be able to handle if that was an issue, because I know that’s something that apparently from what I understand, at least, a lot of these mortalities are related to sepsis, not to the actual virus itself. And the cytokine storm comes into play here, but I know… Can you explain this a little bit better?

Dr. Song: Absolutely. So, you’re right on in that, you know, typically let’s say with, you know, even with influenza, but also with the coronavirus with SARS or the current coronavirus, it’s our own body’s reaction, our own immune system’s reaction that, you know, makes us symptomatic. And oftentimes, the actual infection, right, the coronavirus may be completely eradicated. It’s not there anymore. But the inflammatory cytokines that your immune system have produced, then creates this cascade of effects that then can create what a lot of people are now talking about this “cytokine storm.” Now, this is not a new concept. In fact, even last year, every time influenza season comes around, there’s questions about the cytokine storm, then the next question is, “Well, should I use elderberry because can’t elderberry cause a cytokine storm?” And there’s so much information out there and I’ve seen both sides say absolutely, no elderberries. If you’re… During the flu season and if you’re sick, elderberry is completely fine. And I think it’s somewhere in the middle. Remember with sepsis, the cytokine storm, it really… If we can have enough antioxidants on board to mop up those free radicals and those inflammatory cytokines, that’s gonna be the most protective thing. So, when we look at elderberry, in particular… And this post that I actually did on elderberry, I called it “Elderberry and the Cytokine Storm. Do you need to worry?” I mean, it’s still, years later, one of my most popular posts and I’m being asked about it.

So, I do want to write a post with more evidence, but what I want people to understand and parents to understand is that elderberry does have immunostimulatory effects, but in beneficial ways, right? So, yes, it can actually create increased levels of inflammatory cytokines. And we wanna really understand that inflammation is not a bad thing, right? Just like when you get a cut and maybe there’s a little pus and a little redness and then it heals, that’s inflammation, right? When you get an illness and your body mounts a fever, that’s inflammation. But those are beneficial because they’re helping us fight whatever is going on. So, that’s inflammatory cytokines. And then we have anti-inflammatory cytokines that are also produced by elderberry. So, when we have inflammation that’s normal and healthy, we also need, you know, anti-inflammatory cytokines to come and say, “Well, you’ve done your job. Let’s regulate the immune system and go back down to baseline.” Go back down to our usual state of good health and hopefully we are in a usual state of good health. Now, that’s where I think it can be sort of a double-edged sword. I think that elderberry can be beneficial. But I also think you can have too much of a good thing. So, I am not recommending that people take elderberry on a daily basis right now, but I am, you know, still using elderberry for my own patients when they come in with flu-like symptoms because I know how beneficial it can be to help fight that infection initially and then reduce the inflammatory response as they’re healing. So, you know, that is where, you know, we wanna just understand that, you know, inflammatory cytokines is not a bad thing. Cytokine storm, yes, a bad thing, but elderberry is not necessarily the evil that some are making it out to be.

Katie: Good to know. Yeah. Thank you for clearing that up. And I know people still have a lot of concerns, especially in the last 24 hours even there have been travel bans that are announced. What’s your take both as a doctor and as a parent on if we should be avoiding travel at this point? And if people are going to travel, do things like, for instance, wearing a face mask, will that actually help because I’ve seen conflicting reports on if that’s even effective?

Dr. Song: Yeah. That’s such a good question. I mean, that is the million-dollar question, right, because as we head to… I mean, some kids have spring break next week. In my school, you know, our kids have spring break in the middle of April. So, we’re now in this next month of, you know, a lot of travel plans. And a lot of these travel plans will include flying. Now, the U.S. just announced that there is a travel ban to and from Europe. So, you know, for folks who have had…. you know, made travel plans to go to Europe over spring break, that decision has been made for them. But domestic travel, families who have planned to go to Disneyland next week or families… My sister in Colorado, had plans to fly with her, her husband and her two, you know, almost-three-year-old twin girls to Florida to see my mom and my stepdad, you know, both of whom are in their ’70s. And my mother, you know, just in November was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and went through her chemo and had surgery and she’s recovering. So, what do we do there? Right? And so we wanna think, who are we gonna visit? What are our risks for contracting coronavirus? How do we minimize those risks? And so, you know, I will say if you are traveling to see potentially vulnerable people like maybe your elderly parents, your grandparents in this case, I would reconsider right now because we are sort of on the cusp. We’re sort of in this… I don’t want to call it a honeymoon period because we are seeing people getting sick and, of course, people dying in the States. But we’re in this window where the projections are that in the next couple of weeks we are going to see many, many more numbers, you know, rapid doubling. So, we’re not there yet. So, on the one hand, perhaps this is a good time to travel. On the other hand, we don’t want to be one of those vectors for increasing the spread. So, if you do decide to travel, there are things that you can do to minimize your exposures.

Now, with masks, you know, the surgical masks that you see that have all the gaps on the side, those are not gonna do anything to prevent you from getting coronavirus infections. Those, however, will prevent others from getting infections from you if you are sneezing or coughing. So, you know, if you do or your child does have any upper respiratory symptoms, I would not fly because you are then exposing all the other people on the plane. But if you are healthy and you do choose to fly which I do know many families who are, wearing what’s called an N95 mask that filters out, you know, at least 95% of the particulate matter may be effective. My husband, actually, he’s going to Las Vegas for a hockey tournament. He’s leaving today. We had a discussion, decided, you know, he would go but, you know, he will likely be wearing a mask on the plane just to prevent himself from getting any unwanted exposures. The mask does have to be really well fitted. There cannot be gaps. And unfortunately, there are no N95 masks that are gonna fit a child’s face well enough to protect against coronavirus or even influenza virus infection. So, if you’re traveling with kids, that’s really probably not going to be an effective option. The other concern too just from a public health standpoint is we really do need to… I mean, there’s been a run on masks. You’re not gonna be able to find N95 masks if you don’t have them already. I happen to have them because of the fires here, the tragic fires in California. So, we’ve had them, you know, for the past couple of years, actually, the past three years when we’ve had these, you know, horrible forest fires in Northern California and the air quality has been so, you know, devastatingly horrible. But, you know, we do wanna be mindful of the fact that, you know, we are at risk for running out of protective gear and supplies for, you know, really the medical professionals, the doctors and the nurses who are in the ERs and the ICUs who will be caring for sick patients.

So, what would I do if I did choose to fly? Just make sure, remember the surfaces, right? All the surfaces that your kids could touch. I do wipe them down now. I used to think, “Oh, I’m not gonna wipe down. That’s okay. I’m not gonna be worried about that.” But you know the screen in front of you, the handle, your armrest, the seat button that reclines the chair, the window shade, the seat belt buckle. I wipe down all of that. And again, in this case, right now, I would use hand wipes that have at least 60% alcohol in them. When you’re wiping down surfaces like that you could use a bleach wipe as well. And then, of course, when you’re flying, just make sure that you’ve gotten enough sleep the night before, that you are not up packing at all hours of the night because sleep deprivation does suppress our immune system’s ability to fight off infections. Make sure that you’re not, you know, snacking at the airport on, you know, muffins or chocolate or, you know, candy or a lot of the things that we often… I know your audience doesn’t, but that many parents do “treat” their kids with because they’re being so good on a plane. Staying hydrated, all those good things to really keep our immune system strong. As of now, I’m not necessarily recommending that people don’t travel, but that will likely change in the coming week. So, I think we just have to pay attention to what’s going on and be as safe as possible. My sister was on the fence about flying. She was supposed to fly in two days as we speak and did decide last night not to go not because of her concern with her children getting sick, because, as I mentioned, children are relatively spared, they seem to have mild to no symptoms, but really out of concern for possibly bringing anything to my parents who are elderly and my mom especially who has an increased risk because of her recent chemotherapy and surgery.

Katie: It makes sense. And I love that you are bringing such a calm and level-headed perspective to this and giving people practical tips that they can do to keep their families safe but also to reduce the fear and calm the panic which I think is even potentially more of a pandemic at this time than the actual virus itself. I know you’ve also written some great articles on remedies if you or your child do get sick and just things you can do, again, to support the body through that. And you also have a course. I will make sure that I link to both of those in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. And of course, they are also on your blog at healthykidshappykids.com. And I also know that you are an active practicing doctor who needs to see patients in eight minutes. I wanna respect your time. But any just parting advice or words of wisdom to parents who are just worried about navigating this with their families?

Dr. Song: Absolutely. Like you said, stress may be more of a pandemic than anything else. And I just want to emphasize that stress, how we’re feeling, our own anxieties, which then can fuel our children’s anxieties, that may actually be one of the most inflammatory things, the most immunosuppressing factors that we are encountering. Now, I want to really help parents to be, you know, what I’ve told my patients, just let’s be rationally prepared, let’s be rationally cautious, but not panicked. We really want to try to focus every day on self-care for ourselves so that we can then be present and calm and help our kids navigate this time. I just yesterday recorded an interview with one of my favorite child psychologists. I would say favorite child psychologist except my sister is one, so I can’t say favorite. But Dawn Huebner, H-U-E-B-N-E-R. She is incredible. She is a child psychologist that teaches kids cognitive-behavioral techniques through her self-help books just for kids or the what to do series, “What To Do When You Worry Too Much,” “What To Do When Your Temper Flares,” “What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck.” She’s got a whole series, but her latest book, you know, “Something Bad Happened.” That’s the title of it, “Something Bad Happened.” That came out last fall. And she wasn’t writing it specifically for coronavirus, obviously, because we didn’t know about coronavirus then. But it’s really how to help our kids navigate really bad news, tragic events. And we are already seeing tragic events in the news. I’m hoping that people don’t have their radio on just all the time or the TV on or casually flipping through their news feeds while their children are watching over their shoulders because it’s too much for brains even, you know, middle school and high school brains to really, you know, comprehend fully without our help. So, we recorded an interview on how to talk with kids about coronavirus that I’ll be posting up, you know, very, very soon. And by the time you post the podcast, I will get that link to you because I want parents to know that they do have tools to help themselves keep calm and help their kids keep calm and I think that’s gonna be one of the most powerful ways that we as families and as communities can get through the coronavirus pandemic together.

Katie: I love it. And I will make sure that all of those links are in the show notes. You guys check it out. It will be the podcast at wellnessmama.fm is where you can find it. And I will also, Dr. Song, link to your social media, especially your Instagram, you’ve been posting some resources there and some update so people can follow along with you. And we’ll ride this thing out together like you said and I think parents are the frontline of defense. And I’m so grateful that you are sharing all this practical, common-sense information without the fear and I think that’s gonna really help a lot of families. So, thank you so much.

Dr. Song: Thanks for doing this, Katie. It’s so important to get the word out. And you can do that, you know, so well. And really I appreciate your time today.

So grateful to Dr. Song for sharing all of that information and for very balanced approach on this. I wanted to follow up with a few things into some practical measures that I’m personally taking based on a lot of questions I’ve gotten from you guys. And to start, I also just really want to reiterate what Dr. Song said in the interview, which is that while it makes absolute sense to take a rational preparedness approach to this. We also do need to stay calm and maintain some sort of balance as well.

I know that things like this can seem extremely scary, but especially as parents, we have the ability to help maintain the calm and to pass on a calm attitude to our children and also to take the proper preventative steps without overreacting or being overly afraid. And I’m not at all trying to diminish the potential of what this can be or to minimize the fact that people have died from this and people will continue to die from this. But I just want to reiterate like we talked about with Dr. Song that fear and stress do not help the immune system and nothing is to be gained from that. And so to whatever degree possible, I think, like she said, just once again, to reiterate, we need to be rationally prepared to be ready for what may and looks likely will happen at this point, but at the same time to maintain calm and composure and community and support each other in local areas in whatever ways that we can.

So that’s my first step to this. My own personal approach right now is stay calm, take a deep breath, don’t stress out. That said, to reiterate a lot of the stuff she said, I’m just going through my personal checklist of things that I am implementing in my home with my kids. Extra stuff I’m taking right now just to, as we talked about, boost the immune system, increase the body’s own defenses. Like she reiterated again and again, there is no right now known cure for this, not in conventional medicine, not in alternative medicine, but there are some things that may be helpful in just supporting the body in either hopefully avoiding getting sick or in shortening the duration if we do get sick.

All of the experts agree that hand-washing is extremely important and she talks about…she you talked about this when I spoke with her a few minutes ago and you will see this advice in any official document in CDC papers, everything coming out. Experts agree that hand-washing the right way is one of the best steps that we can take to stop the spread of this or at least to lengthen the curve, which will give our health care system the best shot at handling the potential up flux of people who are going to need to visit the hospital.

So I will put links in the show notes to everything I talk about in this part of the podcast. But I have stocked up on big staples like liquid Castile soap, which I use to make big batches of homemade foaming hand soap and which can also be used on its own as a hand soap. And I’ve been adding in a few drops of different types of antibacterial essential oils and antiviral essential oils into the hand soap. So current for me is germ destroyer or germ fighter from Plant Therapy. I’ll put those links in a discount code in the show notes if they are still even available and not sold out online.

And to echo her advice, this requires proper hand-washing. She quoted the statistics of how big of a difference this can make if we were all washing our hands the right way. But that is important to. It needs to be at least 30 seconds, ideally up to a minute with warm water and soap and that needs to happen, especially anytime we visited public places or touched surfaces where the virus can live. I’m also normally not a huge fan of hand sanitizer, but it’s something I am making and keeping on hand right now. If you have been to any stores, you know that it’s pretty much sold out online and in essentially all stores. So I have been making big batches of my homemade hand sanitizer recipe to use whenever we’re out of the house or if we’ve been in public areas where we can’t wash hands as easily or there’s more potential for the virus to spread.

There’s multiple recipes in that post. So a word of advice. She explained that for, to meet CDC standards, hand sanitizer needs to be at least 60% alcohol. And if you know what percentage your alcohol is, this is a simple math equation. Most rubbing alcohol is 70% or above and some of them are as high as 99%. So you need to make sure whatever alcohol that you use, not just the percentage of that alcohol mixture, but the percentage of actual alcohol is above 60% if you’re trying to meet the CDC standards. And then I dilute that with either aloe vera, which is also largely sold out online or glycerin. And then add essential oils just for an extra layer of defense there and also for scent.

Something else I always do this time of year and I’m just also making sure we do right now is nasal irrigation, especially if we are traveling or have been in public places. This is something, like I said, it’s not specific to coronavirus or Covid-19. This is something that I do during cold and flu season anyway because there are lots of things going around besides just these. But I use several different types. There’s one from Genexa, a Genex saline, both an adult version and then infant and children’s versions as well. And then I also had used other different methods of nasal irrigation at home, similar to a neti pot, but with premixed saline and all of those will be linked in the show as well.

In our home because even though there are viruses going around, my house is still the place where all the neighborhood kids hang out. And I always wanted it to be that. I’m not discouraged that even with all of these things going around, but I am taking a few extra precautionary steps. So I have pretty much been diffusing different essential oils on repeat 24/7. Right now I’m using Germ Destroyer KidSafe Essential Oil and Germ Fighter from Plant Therapy, also Immune Aid and Defender. And I have their oils like respirate and immune boom on hand in case any of us do get sick, but I am just a fusing those pretty much all the time in our home.

I’m also running air filters, which I normally have in the home as well. But I’ve ordered a few more. So I have AirDoctor Air Filters, which you guys might have heard of for me before and also Air Oasis and they have discounts for both of those, which will be in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. There’s some evidence that certain types of air filters can filter particulate sizes small enough to get viruses in the air. So since there isn’t an airborne nature to this, it’s just a cautionary step that I am.

And then personally and with my kids, there’s a few additional supplements that I’ve added into our routine or increased our dosage on. I just stocked up on Genexa remedies. So again, there’s no treatment or cure for this that we know of, but there are things that might help shorten the duration or at least improved symptoms if anybody does get sick. So you can find links in the show notes to all the Genexa remedies, but they have saline ones that I already mentioned and they also have Cold Crush and Flu Fix, both designed to help with comfort and duration during those types of events.

So those were the show notes as well as Dr. Song mentioned. Two other big ones that seem to come into play with any type of respiratory illness are vitamin D and vitamin C. And I’ve linked to my post on both of these in the show notes. I do think it’s important to test for vitamin D levels, especially this time of year when we aren’t in the sun as much.

And so that’s something I do for our whole family and that we supplement with regularly. We use drops of vitamin D, high dose vitamin D in the mouth, in the doses based on body weight and testing to keep those in range as well. And I’ll put some of my other tips and suggestions in the show notes as well. But I just wanted to give a look at what I’m personally doing and what I’m not doing. We’re not wearing face massk. We’re not a right now quarantining or staying inside. We are limiting any unnecessary travel or big gatherings of a lot of people.

But just to reiterate what she said, I am not afraid at all from an illness perspective for our family because none of us are in high risk populations. But that said, anytime we are dealing with a relatively rapidly spreading now pandemic, I do think it’s important for us all to just be aware and rationally prepared again to use that word so that we aren’t passing this on without even being symptomatic and we aren’t putting people that we love at risk. But that needs to be balanced with keeping calm and not letting the fear and the overwhelm take over. And using this as an opportunity to spend more time together in community and small groups and family and to talk to our kids about important things we would want to teach them anyway. Like what happens in types of events like this, like preventative measures that we can take, like what our immune system is and how it works and how we can support our body and how the body works as an organism, as a whole and not just an individual parts.

And so I think there’s a lot of, many, like very many valuable lessons in this. I have no doubt that communities like this one, the amazing Wellness Mama community will only come together more and strengthen in times like this. And I’m just so grateful to all of you for being the leaders, this in your own families, communities and homes, and for caring, for listening, and for sharing. So thank you again for your time today. I hope that this was helpful to you and your family. I hope that you stay healthy and happy. And I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the ”Wellness Mama” podcast.

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/coronavirus/

[mihenna]

I Tried Henna Freckles

What's up guys it's your girl NT here and that stands for Natalya Taylor we are back for Monday's blog as you guys know I post a new blog every single Monday and occasionally on Fridays if I feel like it. Today we're on the floor because I may or may not be making a mess I have something very special for you guys today so I recently saw this blog posted by a blogger who goes by Naomi John she tried to make semi-permanent freckles on her face with henna and it was an absolute fail.

Now I'm convinced that she failed because she used the wrong color henna but I really like this idea see I already have freckles on my face but I just want to intensify my freckles sometimes I feel like henna is a really good way to intensify your freckles I feel so I'm going to give this a shot today's blog is sponsored by a company called Mihenna.

I reached out to them because I really wanted to do this blog post so why not get sponsored to do this blog I am going to open up this little kit that they sent me so basically they sent me a henna art kit and it doesn't just come with like the henna tubes it comes with like stencils and stuff which I'm really happy about so I'm not just gonna be doing the freckles I'm also going to try my best to create actual henna designs and we'll see if it's a win or a fail I know this is a sponsored blog but I always give my honest opinion so they sent me a cute little top Oh cute and also it comes with this ready to use henna paste some coconut oil for aftercare and the stencils so I'm not only going to be like I said doing some freckles on my face. 

I'm going to WoW my freckles are drying attempt to put some of these stencils on my body as well this makes henna super easy like they they're like stickers you put them on your body and it's like you don't need any sort of henna talent and all to do this so that makes me feel a little bit better so here are some of the stencils I really want to put one of these on my feet actually I don't what it is about feet henna I think it's so beautiful I look like an Indian goddess getting ready to get married but I'm probably not going to show my feet on camera just simply because there are a lot of pedophiles out there get it head a petty file penny felt like penny is terminology for foot okay so I am going to just jump right in and get started if you are interested and purchasing your own Mihenna head up kids check out the link in the post let's go okay.

So we are up close and personal I am just starting out by removing the makeup on my face where I want to place my freckles I'm thinking about putting them where I already have freckles you know what I mean you guys will see how red my natural skin tone is you're welcome for that I am set up here with my mirror I figured you guys are gonna want to see what I'm doing I'm gonna want to see what I'm doing I am popping a lash okay let's do this but you know why I really don't want to show my feet on camera it is honestly because I grow hairs on my toes I on my toe knuckles I sprout these little hairs it looks very manly and I don't think you guys want to see that just one of my many and Security's another one of them being how crooked my nose is it is so ridiculously crooked I can't stand it I have a deviated septum if any of you know what that is if you have a deviated septum then you feel my pain I can only breathe out of one nostril it's very obnoxious a lot of people say that I breathe loudly okay so that is mainly where I want to place my freckles just right here on the bridge of my nose. 

So I am going to get out my henna kit I'm going to just grab my little tube of henna paste and I'm just gonna start going at it and I have no idea what I'm doing I didn't watch any official henna freckle tutorials other than the fail ones so that's a good sign I really hope I just don't make a mess that's my biggest fear is that I'm going to make a mess do I need to cut the tip off of this just the tip oh okay so a little needle came out of the tip that was key. 

Now I'm just gonna start randomly placed freckles on my face and we'll see how this goes okay first one going in it might help for me to read the instructions that way I kind of know what I'm doing remove the needle tip from the cone and fill the stencil okay so I removed the needle tip and I just got henna on my chair great and so I'm squeezing it I'm squeezing it okay. 

So I'm gonna start placing henna freckles on my face I'm not gonna be too precise with it I'm just gonna put them everywhere there is our first one he is my firstborn I already love him I'm kind of spacing them out evenly I need to be more random with my placement so we're gonna put another one right there I'm gonna speed this up a little bit so you don't have to watch me put every single freckle on we're moving quick now I really got it down this is gonna sound super creepy and weird but I actually I really love the smell of this I realized something while I was doing this. 

This would be a really good hack for covering up a pimple if you have a pimple on your face just put henna on it and turn it into a beauty mark but this is the completed look pretty satisfied with the placement the arrangement of freckles on my face I tried to be random but still cute I don't know what's going on here this was a test I'm going to see what that looks like I feel like that would have been a little bit more cute I don't know I feel like you can't just isolate freckles to half of your face I had to put a few constellations down there on my chin but I'm gonna let this dry for about an hour I don't know how dark I want them to be.

I feel like you're supposed to let it dry for about two hours but I'm gonna pick a couple of them off around one hour to see how it looks and I may or may not leave them dry for a little bit longer but while these are drying I'm going to try my hand at some stencils and like real henna so here's some of the stencils let's see here there's like these really cute ones they've got like a shroom on there okay I see Yuma henna they've got like a third eye should I put a third eye on my forehead maybe another time when I don't have to leave my house to be in public and then they've got like a little birthday cake if it's your birthday I really like this one I think this one goes on your wrist or your foot I might save that one for my foot they've got plenty here no that's a foot one for sure I'm going to put that one on my foot later and then I want to do this one on my wrist so we're gonna see how this goes while my freckles are drying that is a very strange sentence so I mean it when I say I'm going to be very honest about this product I have not tried it out yet until right now this very day and I truly hope that it looks good because not only are they sponsoring this blog but I have to wear this for like two weeks so the stencil has been applied I feel like this was made for someone with a little bit bigger of a wrist than I but I'm gonna try it anyways we're gonna go ahead and go for it. 

So I'm going to go ahead and just start filling in my stencil they also give you these little paddles to like rub it around so it's a nice even coat I don't know why this may or may not be a correct prediction but I feel like I've already gotten a couple comments saying that this is not culturally appropriate but I feel like if you think something from another culture is beautiful and you want to emulate it then why would that be a problem like why anyone would want to be offended by that. 

That's like someone taking an American thing like maybe I'm wrong here but that would be like me saying you can't watch fireworks because that's an American tradition and if you're not American sorry no fireworks for you and who wouldn't want to watch firework. Fireworks are a great time they're beautiful to look at so I feel like if everyone took a little bit from every culture and implemented it into their own life we might understand everyone else a little bit more do you know what I'm saying so here is my stencil I'm going to let this dry for an hour and then I did not set a timer I am guessing that I've been sitting here for about 15 minutes I'm going to check on my freckles in a little bit and then I will be back oh my gosh I almost forgot I wanted to do some knuckle tats as well because why not no words needed I'll be back okay so we're back oh my gosh look at these absolutely positively cute little freckles. 

I have to say I don't know what I was expecting sometimes you just set yourself up for success or failure and in this specific scenario I felt like I was hoping for the best but honestly expecting the worst I feel like this turned out ten times better than I was ever expecting and in case you're wondering if you want to get this henna kit and do henna freckles the prime time drying time WoW is around 55 minutes so take note if you would like to try this out for yourself but look how cute oh my gosh.

I look like a little girl out in the Sun in the summertime but I'm gonna go ahead and remove my stencil and see how that looks okay I'm gonna try my best not to make a giant mess kind of inevitable though so here we go okay wow what a reveal look at that hold on let me just clean this up really quick oh my gosh this is actually so cute this is adorable oh gosh I feel like such an artist I feel so beautiful this is amazing I love how they give you stencils and it requires like no talent at all this is so cool the stencils are perfect for someone like me I really like that let's reveal the thug-life let's see what that looks like I told Mihenna that I wanted to do this blog and I was going to give them an honest review and I have to say this is really good henna I would ten out of ten recommend the site to get your very own Mihenna kit. I hope you've enjoyed this blog of me trying out the henna freckles. I love you guys so much and I hope you have a wonderful beautiful day peace.

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter eleven (”i used to make out with medusa”)

November 28, 1988. Wellesley, Massachusetts.

“Wow—mmm, you're better than me.”

“Well, I dunno 'bout that.”

It's after sundown here on the edge of Boston, and the sky is still that pure white with the reflection of the sun on the steam. Meanwhile, Matt and I are still here in this pub: I'm pretty sure he's hammered because he keeps giggling every five seconds even though I haven't said a word. I've had to run into the bathroom twice now because of the root beer, but otherwise I'm the sober one here. Reminds me of when Lars got kind of tipsy back in the City. I put my arm around Matt to ensure that he doesn't fall out of his chair and onto the hard floor. He bows his head towards my shoulder with his golden blond hair spreading over the front of my shirt: I had taken off my coat and my gloves after I climbed out from behind the drum kit, and set them down on the bar in front of me, right in the same spot I had my fish.

“You aren't gonna barf, are ya?” I ask him in a loud enough voice for him to hear me over the crowd around us.

“Nah—” he sputters. He hesitates, and I think he stifled a burp there.

“Well, tell me if and when you get a hankering for upchucking, 'kay?” I tell him.

“Yeah—” He bursts out laughing. “I drank so much stout!”

“It wasn't that much,” I assure him. “At least not when I was sitting here with you.”

“I had—another refill, but—” He pauses again. “—I—I—” He rolls his head over so I can see the side of his face pressed against my chest, and he opens his mouth again, this time for the tip of his tongue to spill out like a dog. He spits out some hair and gives me this hysterical giggle.

I sigh at the sound of it.

The least I can do is stay with him until he's able to stand on his two feet. Unless he can stand on his own two feet and he's just being a silly drunk at the moment. I turn my head to the right when I hear a sound that sounds like someone calling my name. No one behind me, just an empty space on the honey colored floor there next to the stools. I return to Matt as he's struggling to push some of his hair out of his face.

I help him out with that when I hear the woman's voice again.

“Joey?” I turn my head again to see the kinky curls of black hair weaving her way through the crowd.

“Dominique!” I call out, and return to Matt for a brief second. “Your lady's here.”

“Cool—” he stammers. She hovers over me, her gloved hand right above my shoulder. I eye her fingers and, about an inch away from them, the crotch of her jeans. Her boyfriend has had one too many and I drummed almost just like him not too long ago. She knits her eyebrows together and scoffs at me.

“What happened here?”

“He had a little fun with the stout stuff,” I confess, and he laughs again. “It wasn't my doing—I swear.”

“Well, I was just gonna ask if either of you fellas wants to join Angeline and me for a bite of dinner, but I think it's a bit too late for that.

“Besides, uh—no, thank you, anyways—I'm stuffed.” I set a hand on my stomach.

She sniffs the side of my head.

“Yeah, you smell like French fries.”

“Eh, close. It was more fish than anything.”

“You're not drunk?”

“I had root beer.”

“I see.”

“Where is Angeline, by the way?”

“The other side of the room.” She gestures back towards the entrance and the sign reading “open mic night.”

“Hey—Hey—Hey—” Matt sputters out, wagging his finger at us. He rolls his head up towards me again, never taking the side off of my shoulder.

“What?” she asks him.

“Yeah, what's up?”

He stifles another belch in his throat.

“I forget.” He bursts out laughing again; I turn back to her as she's rolling her eyes and snickering at him.

“She wants to talk to you, by the way,” she says. “That's part of why I came over here, aside from telling you that Angeline wants us to take us out.”

“Who, me?”

“Yeah.”

“About what?”

“Not sure, she didn't say. But yeah—she told me distinctly 'I want to have a word with Joey.'”

“Alright.” I glance back at Matt again, right as he's yawning and closing his eyes at the sight of us. “What about him, though?”

“Don't worry 'bout him. I got him.”

She takes a seat in the other stool to the left of him so as to tug him off of me. I fix my shirt before standing up. I take one last sip from the root beer on the bar before heading over to the other side of the room to meet up with Angeline. I duck into the front lobby to find her lingering near the doorway with her handbag dangling off of her wrist. She's digging around on the inside of the bag for something.

“Angeline?” I call her, and she lifts her head for a look at me. Her face lights up at the sight of me.

“Oh, hey!”

“You wanted to speak to me?” I approach even closer to her so she can hear me.

“Um, yes. This isn't about Anthrax, even though I interviewed Scott and Dan just the other day. I asked them about you and they said they're not sure where to go from here with John.”

“Really?” I'm stunned by that.

“Yeah. Dan said they're considering and recalculating everything as it stands, and even though they seem pretty dead set on John, they're not ruling you out.”

“Wow. Because I was told I was done.”

“That's what Scott said, too. But—you know the whole thing about being in a band. Things and circumstances happen that bring about changes of heart on a regular basis.”

“Right.”

“Anyways, I wanted to speak to you about—what happened in here not too long ago.”

“What, my drumming?”

“Yes.” Her face lights up and her eyes gleam at me. “Dominique and I heard you playing outside in the alleyway, and I totally forgot how much your voice just fills out a whole room. So I want to know if you're planning on doing stuff of your own, because I would love to write about it in the future.”

“Well, right now—at the moment—I have some songs written down, back home—but I'm still trying to get the feel of them, you know? Like I don't know if I'll sing and drum, or if I'll just sing to them.”

“Oh, okay.” She gives her blonde hair a little toss back from her face. “So they're definitely gonna be Joey Belladonna songs?”

“Absolutely. Unless—either of the dudes from Anthrax wanna jam with me in the future?”

“I don't know—Scott told me he's going through kind of a difficult time right now, relationship wise, and it's really helping him out with writing their new album. Who knows really, because I've found, from my experience in writing and doing journalism work with bands and musicians, you can interview someone and you'll never hear the same story twice all the way.”

“Right—and I used to make out with Medusa, too,” I joke to her, and that coaxes a laugh out of her.

“I also want to ask you about Maya. The writer, Maya Sorensen. You know she's been missing, right?”

“That's what I've found, yeah.” I step out of the way of a young woman in a black overcoat and thigh high leather boots walking towards the bar.

“I thought the name sounded familiar when Dominique first brought it up to me. Like I've seen her name pop up in magazine publications and whatnot. I tried to get an interview with her because she had such an anti authoritarian attitude to life, like it reminded me of the punk bands in New York City, but I never could get her. And yes—her family is here in Boston, not too far from this pub and the school actually. The problem with that, though—”

“Trespassing?”

“Well, yes, but also—I guess her father, her foster father is a bit of a curmudgeon.”

I think about the curmudgeon down the block from Brick's house.

“How so?”

“He's one of those people who—do you ever come across someone so fixated on what they're doing that the slightest of interruptions is like setting off a bomb?”

“—yes?”

“That's what he's like. Going to their house for anything, much less an interview with me, a reporter, is a sure fire to get yourself killed.”

“What does he do again?” I ask her, trying to recall what Molly had told Lars and me in New Orleans.

“He's a business man, albeit a rather wealthy one. He helped build most of the real industrial side of Boston here.” “Oh?” I raise my eyebrows at that as I fold my arms over my chest.

“In fact, he introduced some of the—he calls them 'drones', you might have seen them either here, or in New York City, or in Seattle. They're like these chrome miniature airships about the size of a sofa.”

“I think I have,” I admit to her, “like I saw them flying over the freeway, coming over here.”

“Named such because they make this quiet drone that's rumored to drive a person to the brink of paranoia because it's on the threshold of human hearing.”

“Well, why's he making them if they do that?”

“They're prototypes. At least, that's according to what he has said publicly. I've seen them in Queens, in Manhattan, and over Staten Island, and yeah—they are kind of creepy looking, especially at night because they look like airplanes but they're not. But I guess it's to help out with things like photography and watching traffic. That's why he introduced them to New York City first because of all the traffic they get down there.”

“Have you actually interviewed him?”

“I haven't, no. I have interviewed her sister, though. Her sister, Candace.”

“And I assume Candace has said everything is peachy at home?” I'm thinking back to what Molly said.

“Actually according to her, life here in Boston has been anything but peachy.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. According to her, their home life was kind of lonely. Like it was just the two of them, they had to look out for each other.”

“That's not what her mom told me.”

“You interviewed her mom?” She raises her eyebrows at me.

“Foster mom. Molly. I wouldn't say 'interviewed' like you did with Scott and Danny, but yeah—I have spoken to her. Me and Lars both spoke to her in her home in New Orleans, and she told us some things about life here in Boston. How they've pretty much been treated well here at home.”

Angeline frowns at that.

“That's… not what I heard. Candace told me that she and Maya had to pretty much fend for themselves growing up, like after Maya was brought home.”

She opens her handbag again, this time for a little black book and a pen.

“What'cha lookin' for?” I ask her.

“I guess I'm going to have to arrange an interview with Michael Morlente because something here doesn't add up. All of this is stumping me.”

“You're telling me. If there's one thing that's stumping the hell out of me about her it's this tidbit about knowing where to find her. She told me that the other night while we were in New York City.”

“You know where to find her?”

“That's what she told me, yeah. It's almost like she's trying to hide things about herself from me, even though she wants to come closer to me.”

“Interesting. But anyway, I'll see if I can do a phone interview with him because I don't know any other way around it.”

Matt's voice floats in from behind me. I peer over my shoulder to see Dominique cradling him in one arm and holding my jacket over the other.

“Terrible idea,” she cracks.

“We can go by their house, though,” Angeline assures me as she scribbles something down in the little black leather bound book. “Like just to get an idea of it and everything, y'know?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

Dominique hands me my coat and the gloves, which I presume she tucked into the pocket because I didn't do it, and I slip them on for this chilly late autumnal evening. Angeline tucks her book and her pen back into her handbag before leading us outside: Matt staggers about the sidewalk as we return to the alleyway with the air conditioners and then back to the street to the car I borrowed from Maya and Angeline's car. I take the key out of my coat pocket right before the driver's side door.

“Besides, I need to take this car back to Maya,” I tell her in a low voice as Matt and Dominique wobble past us.

“This is her car?” she asks me.

“Yeah. I think it's just a rental, but she drove me home in this and then she left it at my place.” I stop, and then I turn my head to her.

“Wait a minute,” I begin again, looking on at my reflection in the dark window. “Angeline, are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

“I think so,” she confesses. “But just as a reassurance, tell me.”

You know where to find me, Maya told me. I do.

“I think I know a way into their house—and not in the way that'll get either of us killed.”

“Hang on a second,” she tells me off, and rushes up to Dominique for a word. I'm sure of it. This is how I'll uncover the next secret about Maya.

Soon, Angeline returns to me, slinging her handbag over her shoulder.

“I gave her the key to my car,” she tells me, “like she and Matt will go to a park so he can rest and then you and I can—do whatever it is that you have in mind with the house.”

“It's a deal,” I flash her a wink and then the hydrogen hum within the car fires up in front of me as a result.