#that's one hell of a way to find out some one died yikes

[lizzziierp]

''Coming Home.'' Avilee Cavalli Backstory

1331 AE The road covered in gravel would crunch beneath her heeled shoes as she made her way towards the manor up in the hills of Kessex. Avilee was eager to get to her family's estate 'D'Oro Tenuta' but was fearful to be met with a hostile environment. After all she was a discovered Seperatist, banished from Kryta by the Shining Blade years ago. However that did not stop her, if her time in Elona had taught her something it was that family had become important to her so she continued to follow the path. She huffed as she got up the last of the stone steps decorated with golden swirls on the trims. ''Fuck sake these steps never fail to make me detest coming here.'' Avilee muttered to herself as she took a moment to catch her breath atop of the stairs. She lifted her head to look over towards what would have been the most beautifully decorated villa, known for it's riches. However her gaze was met with a bewildered unkempt state of a garden and what appeared to be an abanoned estate. ''What the..?'' Avilee frowned deeply as she peered over the scene and slowly started walking towards the front door, which appeared to be left open, or bashed in? She wasn't sure but one thing was for certain, something wasn't right. ''I've only been away for a few years and see what they've done to the place.'' She said to herself as she unsheathed her sword from its scabbard. She slowly pushed the door open further and it creaked loudly, as if it had been rusted in place for a while. She let out a loud sigh before stepping in hesistantly, after all she hadn't been welcome in Kryta for a while and had no way of knowing what stance her family had taken on her past endeavors.

The first thing she saw in the large foyer with a victorian goldencrested staircase leading up to the second floor was how dirty the place was. ''Surely they wouldn't have just left?'' She whispered slowly as she walked past the large mirror, now cracked and full of webs, above the hallway table. Leaves were scattered over the floor, blown in from the open door and Avilee made sure sure not to make too much noise as she walked past the staircase towards the main drawing room behind it. The vast drawing room decorated with red sofas and a glass table in the middle in front of the now empty hearth looked dusty and worn. She decided not to linger and moved on down the hallway, exploring every single room for signs of life but found no luck. Machiavelli's room was empty, so was Frederico's, Guiliana's and Stella's too and so on. This continued until she passed all the rooms on the main and first floor, even the servant quarters were empty and dusty. This was very unlike the family she knew. There was one room at the end of the hallway that she hadn't gone in to. The main study, the most important room of the house, besides the wine cellar of course.

As she entered the main study she saw a large amount of papers scattered around the floor and an empty crystal glass on the desk. She sheathed her sword and sat down in his chair and chuckled, she leaned back and put her feet on de desk before laughing to herself. ''Oh Gabriel, what have you done to the place?'' She said before spotting a letter on the desk but due to the window being open next to the desk it was rather weathered and hard to read. She moved her feet off the desk and attempted to read it, there were only a few words she could make out. ''Que- Jen-a, Cavalli Steel-thing comp-, Wh-te Mant-, Ea-K-ex Kurzi- filth. She couldn't make any sense of it but it was clear to her that her family, as usual, had been involved in something prior to the events that might have happened to cause the manor to be left in this state. She tried to open one of the drawers but it was slightly jammed, she rolled her eyes and sighed before giving it a hard enough tug to slightly move the wooden desk. The drawer gave way and opened, inside she found a letter with the Cavalli family crest on the wax. It had remained unopened and unadressed. She hesitated for a moment before ripping it open with slight force.

“Dear family,

We regrettably inform you of the passing of Lord Gabriel Cavalli. His passing was sudden but due to health complications. His funeral will be had at the Cavalli graveyard where he will be buried next to his wife and the rest of his kin.

Afterword a hearing of his will is to be had at the family estate and the succession of Federico Cavalli to head of the family.

Our condolences”

As she read the letter her golden brown eyes widened and a scowl would form on her face as a single tear streamed down it. She sat there silently in the study that once belonged to her uncle whom she'd always had in high regard before having a burst of anger take over. She threw everything of the desk and screamed before sitting down once more, wiping her dark brown hair out of her face and she'd sit there contemplating what to do next.

A few hours passed and the old grandfather clock in the hallway still chimed as another hour struck. Avilee, as if stuck in a trance, lifted her head and peered across the room with narrow puffy eyes. ''Fuck this shit.'' She said before standing up and leaving the study and walking across the hallway, stopping at the painting of Frederico in the hallway. ''What happened?'' She uttered almost breathlessly as she stood in front of his likeness with a cocky smile. She smirked and shook her head. ''I've always liked you the least, it's no surprise that the house is in this state I suppose.'' She added before continueing her way towards one of the spare bedrooms, one she'd frequently resided in in the past. ''Home sweet home.'' She let herself fall on the bed and the dust rose around her and she started coughing loudly. An annoyance came over her but was quickly followed by determination. She will find out what happened to them and she'd lap up this place. It would be costly but there was no way she could leave the place like this.

And so she left the estate on her way to earn some coin.

[kagedbird]

Cicero Loves You, Listener!

TESSDE AU - Dark Brotherhood route

~ [First] ~ [Next] ~ [Prev] ~

I awoke to the same ceiling I’d been seeing for nearly half a month, a pounding in my head once again.

Not seeing Cicero by my side when I looked around, I sat up and pressed my hand into my forehead with a groan. What the hell happened to me? And why did I keep waking up this way?

Deja vu…

Turning once more, I saw a plate full of food and a cup of water settled on the nightstand, alongside a note.

The note read, “Dearest Listener! You had not listened to Cicero! Haha! He warned you you were not yet well enough to be up and whatnot, but he will forgive you as you had been seeking him out for Mother! Such a generous thought from you, my Listener.

“He will be taking care of Mother just outside your door if you find yourself up and I am not there. Do come by! I am certain she would love to see your beautiful face in person! Though I have told her much about you all ready, I am certain she wishes to see it for herself.

“See you soon!

-Your Dutiful Keeper, Cicero.”

I huffed softly, shaking my head slow. Well, that explained things a little. Guess I’d over done it. I just hoped I didn’t make too bad of an impression on his family… though I get the sense that they’re hard to please anyways.

Settling down the note and downing the entire cup of water very quickly, I managed to shimmy out of bed and test myself getting up. It was slow going, but I managed to stand on my feet, and I was pleased.

Grabbing an apple from the plate, really not wanting to take the sweets Cicero seemed to like so much, I bit into it and made my way to the door, poking my head out once more.

I found Cicero indeed kneeling down in front of that coffin from before, settled in a prayer position with his head low. But as I had creaked open the door, his head snapped up and he turned to me, mouth splitting into that smile I began to know so well.

“Listener! Good evening! You were asleep for some time. Did you rest well?”

“Um… sure. We’ll say yes.” I hummed softly, chuckling as I stepped out into the small sanctuary. “What are you doing?”

“Praying to Mother, of course! Come, come, you can pray alongside me!” Cicero offered, shifting to the side to pat where he once kneeled.

“Do I need to kneel? My knees aren’t the best.” I asked, moving closer. I took one more bite of my apple before settling it on a nearby empty plate, wiping my hand on my shorts to rid myself of the sticky juices.

“However is most comfortable for the Listener! It’s what Mother would want!” Cicero replied cheerily, happily watching as I settled down with my legs crossed.

“What… do you pray to her for?” I asked, finally seeing ‘Mother’ in her coffin. That was a dead woman all right. Yikes.

‘Uh. No offense.’ I quickly corrected myself in my head, unsure if she could hear me.

“We pray for her wisdom to guide us to a better life!” Cicero says, clapping his hands together. “With you here to hear her guidance, it’s all the more possible now!”

“Happy to help,” I smiled back, nodding. “She’s only able to talk to a Listener, right? How long have you all been without one?”

“Oh, Cicero isn’t entirely sure about this Sanctuary!” He says, tapping his chin. “Cicero arrived not long after you helped him on the road! And there was no Listener then! But Cicero’s last sanctuary was a handful of years ago. Our Listener died protecting the Night Mother from an attack! Very brave, very brave.”

I paused, frowning. “So… you’ve just been unable to hear her since?”

“Yes! Well— Cicero has never been able to hear her in the first place.” He chuckled a little manically, that strain in his throat again. “But now Miss Allora is here! And all is well in the world!”

I hummed, looking up to ‘Mother’ thoughtfully. What kind of mother just… waits and leaves her children waiting for her? What was the point?

Surely I was missing something.

“Is she speaking to you?”

I jolted, looking over to see Cicero leaning in closer than before, gaze holding me tightly in place. The manic look was amplified in a way— his eyes begging to know.

“Uh— no. I was just lost in thought. I’m sorry.”

Disappointment dusted in his eyes before they flickered back into the mask of joviality. “No worries, none at all! Cicero understands gazing upon Mother and just thinking! He’s done it enough over the years! He has!”

“How old are you?” I asked curiously, stretching my back slightly. It popped and I let out a small puff of relief. That felt good.

“How rude! To ask Cicero his age!” The jester huffed and puffed dramatically, crossing his arms. “...Kidding! Cicero is nearly in his thirties! Getting up there in age, he is!”

“I’m nearly in my thirties… too…” I said, blinking. “Wait. I am?”

“You are?” Cicero asked, tilting his head. “How sad that the Listener cannot even remember. Perhaps praying to the Night Mother or Dread Lord will alleviate the addlement! Cicero wouldn’t want you like he is— with others always calling him crazy.”

“You’re the farthest thing from crazy,” I frowned, gently placing my hand on his arm. “Don’t listen to that kind of crap. You’re clearly devoted to your cause and your family, and it shows. Sure, you’re a little loud at times, but I think I am too. It doesn’t make us bad people, and definitely doesn’t make us crazy. Jeez.”

Cicero is frozen in place as he stares at me, glancing down to my hand. I quickly pull it away, embarrassed for getting so caught up in trying to make him feel better that I invaded his personal space.

“Sorry. We should… get back to praying.”

“...Yes.”

I’m more unnerved by his quiet response, and quickly adjust my sitting position on the cold, hard floor, before clasping my hands together and closing my eyes in a vain attempt to ignore his continued staring.

Was what I said that strange?

‘This is what I get for trying to be nice,’ I bemoaned in my head, letting out a quiet sigh.

Oh well. Could be worse, I guess. He could be reacting like that woman who tried putting a knife to my throat.

“That pretender…”

I jolt, snapping my eyes open at the voice that pervaded my mind again, looking up to ‘Mother’. She never moved, nothing changed, save for a subtle red glow in her eyes.

“You are in charge of this guild, my sweet Child. My Listener. Fear not your brothers and sisters under Sithis’ arms, for his wrath will quell their injustice well.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head. That was… good to know.

‘Is there… anything you need of me, Mother?’ I asked in my mind, unsure if I should be speaking out loud or not. It felt… personal, to have her address me. Secretive.

“There will be a job for you in the future. You are still weak, however. Instead, inform my dear Keeper Cicero that Mother wishes for you to hand out tasks in the meantime.”

“Cicero,” I whispered, eyes never straying from Mother. I couldn’t. “...Mother has jobs for the others.”

I could feel him move next to me, his face nearly over taking my view of Mother. His hands took mine and held them tightly— almost too tight— excitement in his voice.

“Yes? Yes?! What tasks await us? Oh, do not keep the Keeper waiting!”

“A grieving boy in Windhelm cries out to me…”

“He is asking for Grelod the Kind…”

“To be murdered in Riften.”

“A scorned woman in Markarth…”

“Craves the ending of a man named Alain Dufont in Raldbthar…”

“As well as a woman named Nilsine Shatter-Shield in Windhelm…”

“And an Indolent Farmer in Ivarstead…”

“Craves the blood of a pitiful farmer in Ivarstead.”

I feel myself slump forward against Cicero, a cold sweat breaking out over my skin as whatever held me aloft whisked itself away like smoke blown from a candlestick.

Murder. The tasks were about murder.

But Cicero was all smiles as he helped me sit up, beaming so wide, it had to hurt. “Splendid, splendid! To hear her through you— it’s enough to forget all those silly years of silence! Maddening silence! Oh, but it’s all broken now, yes it is! We must tell the others the good news!”

Cicero pulled me to my feet and guided me out of the sanctuary— after thanking Mother for her guidance and closing her coffin once more— and led me out into the main hall of the… whatever we were in.

It felt like a den with how strange the shape of the interior was. I could only hope it wasn’t a den of wolves.

I froze lightly as all eyes turned to us from various places all over the room and carefully kept myself close to Cicero. He had mentioned protecting me before. I could only hope that continued to be true.

Their eyes… it made all the more sense now.

Bloodlust.

“Looks like the tidbit finally woke up.” The giant man growled out, pulling his sword from the grinding stone he had been using.

“Who?” A small girl asked, tilting her head curiously.

Something inside me ached at the sight of her pale skin and darkened eyes. Violently I am reminded of undead creatures of the night that consume their victims blood until nothing is left.

Vampires.

“The clown’s pet.” The giant man grunted, standing up. “Taking her out for a walk, Keeper?”

“Haha! How very funny of the sheepdog!” Cicero spat back with a high pitched chuckle. “Surely he recognizes the importance of the Listener’s position! Especially! Since Mother has given us contracts!”

“What?” An older man asked, eyes wide. His gaze turned to me, looking me up and down slowly with an agape look. “You heard her speak? What did she say?”

“Oh, Mother dearest had several contracts to dole out!” Cicero said, slipping my tight hand from his to clap excitedly. “Our Listener told them all to me, so that I may in turn share them with you! She is still recovering, the poor thing!”

“Recovering?” A dark, ashen skinned woman asked, frowning. “I could have helped speed along her recovery, you know. I’m not the most adept with healing magicka, but…”

“Cicero had it under control!” The jester interrupted, still smiling genially. I could tell there was an underlying threatening tone, if only from how long I’ve spent in his company alone. Seemed he was very protective of me, in every sense of the word.

Now to know if that was a good or bad thing.

“How do you know she’s really the Listener? Not that I distrust you, Keeper,” a lizardman asked, faintly shocking me from his presence. “But it’s all rather sudden…”

Where the fuck was I? Was this normal? Why did I feel more deja vu?!

“She spoke the Binding Words to me! Oh yes, oh yes! Tried coming straight to me once she heard them, but Astrid held her with a knife to her throat!” Cicero guffawed, looking tickled pink despite my almost murder. “But of course, dearest Mother would not have let it come to that! No, no!”

“She looks weak.” A dark skinned man from the back wall bluntly remarked, biting into my insecurities deeply.

“Quite rude! Miss Allora has been on bed rest for two weeks! Anyone would become shriveled at that point, indeed!” Cicero huffed, ‘defending’ my honour.

“Gee, thanks Cicero…” I sighed, looking away from everyone.

“Of course!”

“Enough joking around. We got contracts? Give them. Now.” The giant man said, standing up and stomping over to tower over me.

I shrunk instinctively, feeling my chest tighten as my vision flickers from man to wolf repeatedly, reaching out to clutch Cicero’s jacket tightly in my hand reflexively. Said jester immediately positioned himself in between us, pressing his back to my front.

“Night Mother requested I hand out the tasks, according to our wonderful Listener! Isn’t that correct, Miss Allora?”

“Mhm,” I forced out, nodding quickly and dropping my eyes to the floor as a shudder ran through my body. My headache was getting worse.

The giant man huffed loudly through his nose before crossing his arms. “Get on with it then.”

[rielzero]

Auvandeor

So, I made that one oc I was working on a while ago in bg3.. Wizard cambion who has an archdevil daddy. Like, The archdevil.

Auvan is Asmodeus' son and prince of hell because why the fuck not lol. In an alternative universe, where he's tadpoled somehow, things go a little different. Because this guy never leaves his father's castle otherwise.

He's heavily protected cuz uh, endless wars and Asmodeus is all powerful and he might not be.

So, in the circumstance, Zariels soldiers manage to kidnap him, he ends up on the nautiloid and gets tadpoled.

Baby boi is pissed. However, unlike most of our companions, he's too noble to give a fuck about keeping secrets like the haughty person he is.

He can hide his horns and wings, so he doesn't show those off until Lae'zel decides they're gonna fight imps together.

To which in response, he flies to a save distance before casting spells.

I do think the gith would be naturally wary of cambions, but they're not strict enemies. The only reason cambions are on the nautiloid is because it teleported into Avernus, but Auvan makes it clear he is not a fan of Zariel's men.

Hnhnhg

Some interesting things about his interactions.

-has a "You didn't ask so I didn't tell you" Attitude about most things.

-immediately outs Astarion as a vampire on their first meeting and academicly deducts that he's either a dhampir or the tadpole is giving him sunlight immunity. Insists he joins him because he wants revenge on whoevers behind the mindflayers.

-When Gale tries to one up him with the arch mage stuff he flaunts his status as the prince of hell and says he could obliterate him with a thought.

-He does not like Wyll because Wyll is heroic and unnerved by his presence since he's a cambion.

-Same for Karlach, I think she'd try to fight him on sight, they're reluctant allies.

-Neutral on Lae'zel and Shadowheart but finds their squabbles mildly entertaining and irritating. Insists they fight it out in a longwinded rant about birth right which makes both women decide it's not worth the blood.

-Auvandeor doesn't like Gale at first because he smells like divine entanglement, but is interested as soon as he hears of the orb.

-He doesn't really play by their standards of normalcy and walks around naked in camp often. (Normally this would annoy people but Auvan is nice to look at.)

-He's gay but not bothered by women seeing him naked as long as they don't see nudity as an invitation, he's just comfortable being nude casually.

-Very casual about sex, suggests a threesome to Gale and Astarion at some point, says he'll blow their minds quite literally if they're feeling up to it.

-Wizard, of course he's a bit high on himself.

-if asked why he doesn't use the daddy card, he pretty much states that he's not going to bring shame on papa's name and he can solve his own problems.

-Hates Raphael, they know each other. (They have also hatefucked in the past) Raphael is very amused by his predicament, but Auvan states if he could remove the tadpoles, he would've done it himself. Therefore there's no way Raphael can do it.

- Superiority complex. He's annoying about it sometimes.

-Clearly hasn't gotten out much. Very unfamiliar with faerun outside of books.

-Gale would be entertained by teaching him basic things like cooking.. Auvan is spoiled.

-Does not Like Mizora, does not care about Mizora. When she appears she seems to know him, but he doesn't know her. It becomes a ''who dis?'' Kind of back and forth.

-Of course, very good at demon stuff, so he could help Wyll with his contract problems easily.

-Lets Shadowheart kill Aylin purely because she is an Aasimar and he gets a yikes ew feeling when they meet her.

-Doesn't sign a deal with Raphael, just tricks him into giving him the Hammer with an IOU kinda deal. Y'know, cuz this wizard has connections.. Called nepotism.

-No Gale god, suggests Gale use the orb to become a devil instead cuz it's kind of the same just better with more freedom, Asmodeus would probably enjoy a new archdevil entering the field. Gale decides maybe godhood isn't for him.

-I don't think he romances anyone, just becomes friends with benefits with Astarion/Gale. Auvan is on the demiromantic spectrum of sorts.

-Only does ''good'' things when the party convinces him to after lots of complaining.

-To his dismay, turns into a Human or Tiefling form whenever they have to interact with crowds of people. He gets twink sized. When asked why, his cambion form is basically ''short and petite'' to the average cambion and devil.

-Helps Wyll / Karlach out when they're going back into hell because at this point he respects them. I wouldn't call them close friends, but they can get along.

Yeah. Let's be happy he's not my canon Tav. He'd be so chaotic.

If you have any questions for him, let me know.

[newobsessioneveryweek]

working on any wips rn?? 👀👀

Yikes! That is a loaded question Anon, the answers to which will most likely only disappoint you :']

Now, "working on" is a very complex arrangement of words, not in structure but in meaning. What does that mean really:

Do I have ideas? Yes. Many!

Am I constantly thinking about these ideas and how I would build a story around them? Do I tread the scenarios of my made-up universe, growing more and more compelled to explore? Of course!

Do I intend to write/draw many of these ideas? Absolutely!

Have I drawn anything at all? No. But-- like I said-- I have ✨ideas✨

Now, the question I feel you may be more keenly asking is have I written words recently? And to that I say, uh, yes! And also no. Nothing that could be construed as a chapter-- barely a paragraph really-- but words have been typed onto a Word doc!

If only there were a really talented writer/one of my friendly mutuals (*cough* @a-french-coconut *cough*) who could help me out with their great ideas then I could finish a blasted chapter! Grrr!! Curse my incurable laziness!!

But yes, I am "working on" a few WIPs :]

Thank you for asking anon☺️

If you want details I don't know if I can give them yet but a brief summary should suffice I hope

The fic where Travis died :D I've made a post about that one. I don't know why I put him through that, please forgive me :']

That Sherman/Connor fic I promised I would write eventually. I wiggle my way out of that one

Will, Nico, and Connor go on an outing! (Read: a quest) This sort of falls in the middle of the 'Travis died' fic. There's some intense angst that I'm planning for those two. So exciting! I haven't really decided on what the quest is in aid of but there will be one! I've posted MULTIPLE snippets about this idea 1 2 3 for your perusal

Connor can see dead people. He finds out when he starts talking to some new camper before TLT starts. Chris asks who the hell he's talking to and Connor goes, "You're so rude Chris, show some damn respect," when Chris doesn't notice the boy that's clearly standing in front of them. And Chris just doesn't know how to respond to that so they just continue walking around, Connor still talking to the 'new camper'. Then they notice a commotion up on Half-Blood Hill. They go to find out what's happening and discover Chiron, Lee, and a bunch of other campers crowded around something. As they get closer Connor realises that it's the dead body of the guy he's currently talking to. Dun dun DUUNNN!

There's, uh, one more. It's more Apollo-cent for my TOA homies but it's only been recently revisited/reconsidered for the progress 😅

There are some other non-PJO fics I have to finish but those aren't the ones I think you're interested in hearing about 😄

[ferzin]

TW: TRANSPHOBIA EXPIERIENCE (god why me), also some swearing

note: on art my trans-coloured sona ripping apart terf's (fart's) flagterf — trans exclusionary radical feminist fart — feminism appropriating ridiculous transphobe

guten abend, meine freunde. i want to spill out my hatred and also share disgusting situation that happened to me. this august i've published my meet the artist on other platform (it hadn't english lettering, so it wasn't here). i've pridly anounced myself as trans and nb. and i will not reject my identity for someone's air-built painful perception that there's more than two genders. "why such thoughts?" you may ask. well, a few days ago my partner find out what i got publishly disgraced 'cause of my transgender. how sweet. i'm convinced once again that some individuals' brain convolutions stopped working somewhere at the beginning of puberty, which is why the narrowness of their thinking causes exclusively condescending pity. yeah, it's hard to be slow-witted in modern society when where's so much useful and correct information, and you're still thinking in such medieval terms. i despise terf/fart or other transphobes and openly express pure rage to this kind of "people". i hate any radical movement no matter if it regards quirphobia or other important aspects of my/other's lives. and i won't tolerate if such individuals will come close to me or my close people. there's no meaning if the hatred is shared. so all that pile of lousy sh*t: terf, homophobes, any other transphobes, sexist, racist and etc. — go to hell. go away from me and my relatives. 'cause i will tear apart anyone, who will insult my loved ones. and they will do the same for me. one thing that drove me feral — commentaries were fully misgendering me. believe me, you don't know how much i'm pissed off. there's no words to descride it. but i think other trans-persons will understand me... sadly. misgendering person on purpose is just hideous. it's banal rudeness and direct insult. if someone's gender for whatever reason huffs you (which is, honestly, weird and kinda selfish, especially if there's no logical reason), then simply don't contact with that person. no talking behind back either. don't have courage to say calmly you're complaint in face — then shut the f*ck up. btw, that post with hate on me was published anonimously :) baby pissed their pants, yikes, how saaad. uhh... if you knew how much i'm tired of this... i don't ask pity for me, i don't need it, but... to turn heat down i want to talk a little 'bout myself. right now i'm firmly confident in my identity. i'm almost a fully formed person, and i have enough background to tell that with determination. i will not bow to some randoms' convenience. i will not "accept" my birth gender. my gender, my identity — is only my own choice. no one don't have even a single right to tell me who to be, no one couldn't know wnat's in my head. i went through a lot and will never again submit to someone’s desires just to be comfortable. i suffered from dysphoria from an early age, I felt out of place. i was burning from tantrums and tortured myself both mentally and physically from hatred of my appearance, personality, everything. i almost f*cking died because i felt wrong. and now when i'm finally feeling better some dumbs dare to say "she's just having an episode"? hell, no. ✨ i am transgender, i am nonbinary, i am who I really am. ✨ all my scars show my way. too long i was choking my true identity, so now i will not cut myself for some stranger's comfort. my life belongs only to me. and i'm the grandmaster here. i am insanly happy thanks to my loved ones. they except me absolutely, they don't demand to fit the norms of conservatism. they value the real me. i love you. 💕

and i want to say for other people, suffering from pointless hatred and humiliation. not only trans, not even only queers! it's devastating how many people can't just be free... i hope someday the society will open their eyes. but for now... dont't give up and be yourself!

[nephriteknight]

Okay time for Actual Coherent Thoughts about 23: Pre-posting edit: this is still fairly coherent but BOY is it longer than i intended. when will my husband (dear friend wyv) come back from war (get caught up so i can do this in his dms like i used to)

jesus christ. tldr: Helen will probably be a Human Tory and not my beloved Helen!Distortion, I am BEYOND EXCITED TO SEE BASIRA AGAIN, and I'm holding out hope for Daisy also showing up because Celia may well just not know her as Alice Tonner so she's having trouble finding her. Also Sam's being compelled. Yikes. Also Jmart dying around the same time is very suspicious but I couldn't find any reason it would happen.

Helen will presumably be Tory Helen and not Distortion Helen, which is. Devastating. I miss my not-a-girl every single goddamn day.

It's interesting that Celia found Basira but not Daisy. Did Melanie just not mention her? Are they not together? Then again, it's very possible that Celia's heard of Daisy but not Alice Tonner

BASIRA BASIRA BASIRA BASIRA

[deep breath] this was meant to be Actual Coherent Thoughts

I wonder if Celia's already found Melanie? It would make sense for her and Georgie to still be friends

More to the point, what is Celia's angle here? Is she just looking for anyone who might have also come through from tma!universe? When it was just Jon and Martin (and probably Georgie depending on how that relationship came to be) it made sense for Mystery Solving but Helen doesn't really line up with that

Jon and Martin died "nearly 20 years ago" (this is for actual coherent thoughts--), putting them at around 18 years old (Sam's main reason to think they're the right people was that their ages matched TMA -- interestingly, though, both Jon and Martin lied about their ages, and Jon is known to look much older than he is. Still, Georgie would know Jon's age, and by the time Melanie came around Martin wasn't lying about his CV, so it's probably still the right ones). It's suspicious as all hell that they both died young at around the same time. "Nearly 20 years ago" doesn't line up with any important dates I can think of -- the Institute bruned down 25 years ago, and if they timing was close I think Sam would've flagged it; FR3-D1 talking and Jack's birth are both one year ago; Celia implies she came to the tmagp universe "a couple of years" ago, although it's possible she was referring to something else since I feel like it makes more sense for that to line up with the computers starting to talk; and there are no incidents in that time frame except for 23's itself, which was 18 years ago but seems unrelated. Maybe it really is just a coincidence. I highly doubt it. (Thought the causality could be the other way around -- maybe Jon and Martin (and Jonah, if Augustus is him) being dead already is why they got stuck in the computers or something)

Sam is definitely being compelled to fill out that paperwork. Which is very concerning! I don't believe Lena glitched at all when she said it was probably Alice hazing him or that it was useless and the response department doesn't exist, but she also doesn't speak in precise statements much so it could be getting past the glitch filter thing ("probably"/"i suspect"/"you are aware that...?"). I'm curious what's going on there. Lena did mention ages ago that some of the forces are benevolent (in her opinion, which im taking with so many grains of 🜔) so it could be that force, whichever the OIAR belongs to (which would line up with the OIAR being Web-aligned as some have theorized -- even though it seems very likely that Smirke's 14 no longer applies, if any of the fears were going to hold themselves together it would be the Web, and there are similarities)

I'm still so curious what the deal with Error and the tape recorders is. It was locked beneath the Institute in what I assume are the tunnels (which could mean it was still built on the panopticon?? but that seems unlikely), it has more than two eyes, and it has a tape recorder that bites. In TMA (spoilers lol) the tapes belonged primarily to the Web, and the biting doesn't seem very eye-like, but who can say? I still don't think this is Jon. Not just because he's dead lol, the abilities and timing just don't line up. My bet is that this is some other kid from the program, someone Alice and Gerry (and Sam, maybe) might have met before, who I guess got turned into this? But what does this have to do with their big turn of the century thing? Who knows. We know they were collecting artefacts, though, so

Is Error an archivist? Maybe! I recently watched a video about the arg so I know about that shit now, and the tmagp Institute had a digital archive, which is interesting. So far, we've seen that written transcripts of Error's victim's statements can be digitized--at least by FR3-D1, which could be an exception to the rule (whether because it's special or just because it Feels Old, like the tapes did). so far we've only heard them spoken on tape recorders, but that's more because of the situations its happened in

Also because Alice brought up the first time she encountered Error, I'm still suspicious of her brother suddenly being unexpectedly successful with two bands called "Penny in the Well" and "Dredgerman" but I have nothing to go off of

Oh boy. This is what happens when I'm suddenly further ahead than the person who got me into TMA in the first place. Y'all are dealing with this now.

[stubblesandwich]

I started to hide my feelings in the tags like a normal person and tumblr rudely said I was maxed out on tags so I guess I have to write it here for all to see.

Anyway the difference between these two proposals is something I'm going to think about for a while. Because I get that the first version is bad. I get it. But I just appreciate so much that she literally bounds down the stairs to him when he gets home. And she's like okay WOW you smell like booze, and she hasn't seen him all day because he's been holed up by himself just getting blitzed. But she ignores all of that because she's just SO HAPPY she found this ring (as she was snooping through his things lolol) and she knows the ring is for her. And she just cannot contain her elation and just has to say yes to this man right now, right this instant, where is he, is he home yet. Just immediately, before the poor man can even ask the question.

Like???? I love her for that??? Can we please take a moment to compare this woman here to the prickly princess from season one? or two? Or three, even? This is the same woman who held him at arms' length for so long because she was scared of getting hurt, scared of opening up too much and losing him. And gradually, with each little bit she let him in, he has become someone who is so incredibly important to her, someone vital to her happiness.

He's the one who got her first dance at her first ball. The one who followed her through time. The one who gave up his ship for her. The one who found her and saved her. The one who died for her, in this universe and another. The man she turned into a monster to save, then went to hell to try to save again. She loves him so much that she literally can't help herself; she finds this ring in with his things, and she can't pretend she hasn't seen it. She has to be engaged to him right then, right now, no waiting. Emma Swan is impatient when it comes to her man and girl, I get it!

And he really was going to tell her about David's father, bless his heart. But can we blame him for not wanting to ruin this sweet, vulnerable moment for Emma? Like, this girl has got it bad by now.

And then there's the second proposal. Which, man, I just love the two lined up side by side, and you can see how disheveled he is, and how there's literally a bloody gash on his head. But by God, he's going to do this now, right bloody now, he will ask this woman to marry him before someone else tries to kill him, and he's going to do it right.

I find it so interesting too that in the first proposal, he's down on one knee, but she pulls him up to her. In the second, she drops down to his level. There's some symbolism there my brain is trying to unpack. It's almost like the first time around, she's kind of forcing him into this ideal moment that means something to her, but that he wasn't ready for. Emma pulling Killian back up to her seems to symbolize that the moment was about her and her alone, unbeknownst to Emma. He was ready to marry her, obviously, but he wasn't ready to propose to her the way he wanted to. (Because, you know, he had a murder to confess to, big yikes.)

But in the second one, she drops down to him, as if to say, "I see you for who you are and I accept you. I am meeting you where you are, and I love you, and yes, I will marry you still." And that's beautiful, really. You can see in the first proposal, just in his face, this moment is clearly for Emma. He is putting aside what he was planning to tell her and is choosing instead to prolong this happiness for her. He literally doesn't have it in him to ruin this moment for her. (And later, thankfully, she comes to understand that.)

But in the second proposal, ah! This one's for Killian. It's not the ideal moment, because he narrowly escaped death yet again (then again maybe it is just very fitting for him lolol), but by God, he's going to ask this woman to be his wife the right way even if it kills him. All secrets are out on the table now. He tells her she can be sure that he will always, always be by her side, and then he drops down on one knee and he asks her to be his wife. And Emma! She drops down to him, looks him in the eye and makes him wait a solid handful of seconds before she says yes. She waits that extra time to look at him, really see him, and make sure he sees her, and she tells him yes, she'll marry him.

Both of these are so so precious to me. I know the first one was awful for Killian, but man, it was so special to see Emma so ready to say yes to him. No fear, no hesitation, no freakout moment. Just jumping in feet first, an absolute yes. And in the second one we get to see Killian lay it all out there for her. She knows the man he was, the man he is, and the mistakes he's still capable of making. But she also knows how he'll always, always fight for her, even at the expense of his own life, if needed. His devotion to her is completely unparalleled (and hers to him, as well). And she's still happy to tell him yes.

TL;DR I just love them, you guys.

365 days of captain swan :: day 111

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 317

Prophet and Loss/The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos

“Prophet and Loss”

Plot Description: to avoid the pain of Dean’s dire plan, the Winchesters take a case involving dead bodies with mysterious symbols carved into their chests

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: this BETTER BE A NIGHTMARE DEAN IS HAVING because why did we open with Dean in that box he built last episode? At the bottom of the ocean? And scared and regretful and trying to call and call out for Sam? And then his phone died

It was. Good.

The way these two take the most drastic steps every time. A few seasons ago, one of them was going to live on the moon or whatever…actually, I think that was also Dean and it had to do with Amara

Is he carving her while she’s alive?! And THEN drowning her? Yikes, my dude

I mean, it IS probably best that Sam told Cas before Dean could to get him researching another solution but to then say to Dean that he hasn’t even told him or Jack is shady

I mean…that’s one way to keep Cas out of the empt (not finding a solution so Dean goes through with his plan), but at what cost? (Cas was my thinking this but I sure was)

Is this dude trying to be a prophet? What’s going on here? Is he killing down the line prophets? What’s happening?

Yeah, Dean, there was a whole episode about one of the times John sent you away after pissing him off. Sam knows this stuff

Set that boundary, Sam! Yes!

There’s this actor playing a cop and he looked familiar. Turns out he’s had bit roles in two other spn episodes AND he’s just the kind of dude who gets cast as “cop #2” all the time. He’s acab but by that I mean assigned cop at birth

Mmmm Dean’s gonna know Sam told Cas from this phone call…oh, but because Cas flat out tells him that. Ok

Ah. The killer is actually next in line for prophet when Donatello dies

Is he really doing some biblical plague shit?? Why?!

I love how they say he’s not chosen yet he’s literally next in like for prophet. Correction: he WAS

*ghostly form of a woman appears* “Nick?” “is that you?” “Yes, Nick” “Lucifer?” “…Sarah.” Ksmejkekskwrjekwi

Aw hell yeah, Sarah!! You turn vengeful ghost on Nick’s ass!!! Please!! He chose Lucifer over you and would do it again! Tear his ass to shreds

Nick, you fucking asshole. You can’t even give your wife peace in her death by rejecting Lucifer for her sake.

GET. HIS. ASS. GIRL. (She has yet to get his ass)

Omg this is practically a break up scene between Cas and Dean

They all care about Dean SO MUCH and he sees it, but he’s just refusing to feel it

I do not like the smirk on Dean’s face after they revived Donatello

I can’t believe he’s making Cas explain to Donnie what happened to him

I throw my Dean apologism right out the window when Sam’s yelling at him about his massively self destructive behavior.

Ok wtf lol. There’s…something SO white American male about Sam punching Dean in the face and then saying (through gritted teeth, of course) “I believe in us!”

“The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos”

Plot Description: on the planet of Ranskoor Av Kolos, a deadly reckoning awaits the Doctor and her friends

Sometimes I wonder if knowledge of old who would help me understand some things. The first few minutes of this episode is one of those times

So something about this planet makes your mind and memory scramble

Ryan IS quite the pessimist

Ohhhhhhh the alien from the first episode with all of them is back and he’s killing this dude’s crew

Oh FINALLY, someone is having a one on one emotional conversation with the Doctor…wish it wasn’t this. They’re arguing whether Graham could/should kill that alien and the moral and ethical implications of doing so

Oh did they actually build the thing they were trying to in those first few minutes?

The fact that the Doctor can just say some shit and maybe it’s right is so funny. She’s unsure but she thinks she might have invented rubber boots

Ryan being the voice of reason between him and Graham was a surprise

Oh I don’t like that the Doctor can’t remember something…

I don’t even…um. So the alien wanted the other two to destroy their own planet? Anyway, the Doctor and Yaz thwarted that and Graham and Ryan trapped it in a stasis chamber so no harm no foul? I dunno. It was a pretty weak episode

[nerdykitkat123]

Pleasentview - A New New save because my old one got corrupted thanks to OneDrive - Rotation 3

Rotation 3 Rotation 3 Rotation 3. Been building my collage world that is built enough for my sims, but not 100% finished. With some sims going to college this time, it should be fun!

Goth

Cassandra teaches Loki how to walk before she goes to work.

Cassandra is promoted from Science Teacher to Project Leader.

With Cassandra's want for another baby and Dons want for Woohoo, it combines for the two to take things to the bedroom

The toddlers walk in half way though.

Yikes, that's going to be a lot of therapy.

After they woohoo, Cassandra teaches Atlas learns how to talk

On Wednesday Don is promoted from Surgeon to Medical Researcher.

Cassandra finds out that she is pregnant.

On Thursday both Loki and Atlas age into children.

On Friday evening, Cassandra gives birth to another boy, so please welcome to the world Tartarus.

Yes a named a baby after the deepest pit of hell what of it?

Dina and Alexandra

On Tuesday Dina brings home Jenifer from work. They hand out and become friends quickly.

On Wednesday Destiny grew up into a toddler.

Alexandra becomes friends with Sophie Migual.

On Thursday Dina is promoted from Head of Construction Company to Architect's Apprentice.

To celebrate her promotion, Dina invites over Don and they woohoo.

Dina is so Busy with Don Lothario she doesn't realise the state her daughter is in.

Luckily, the babysitter that Dina hires handles her nappy and bottle when she comes round.

Dina just seems genuinely dis interested in her child, neglecting her for her career or for her love.

Nina Callienti

A Genie Lamp is placed on Nina's doorstep, to which she rubs it. The Genie grants her three wishes. For the first, she asks for a long life. Her wish is granted and she de-ages a little bit.

On Wednesday she invites Nery round and makes her move on him. It turns out they have poor chemistry, so they just hang out for a while.

On Thursday Nina invites Don over for early morning Woohoo.

She's just a career driven woman that don't need nobody and I love how simple she is.

Broke

On Tuesday Skip Jr ages up into a child.

He makes friends with Ricky Cormer.

On Wednesday, Beau brings Loki Goth home from school.

Beau ages up into a teenager, he ages up with Platinum aspiration.

Beau has the popularity aspiration, his lifetime wish is to become a Captain Hero.

On Thursday Beau becomes friends with Meadow Thayer.

On Friday Dustin is promoted to Pickpocket, the top of the teenage criminal career.

Dustin ages up into an adult, he was un-able to go to collage as he has his two younger brothers to take care of.

Dustin now works as a Con-artist.

Dustin invites over Tosha, finding out that they have strong chemistry with each other.

He quickly falls in love with her.

Tosha stays the night.

Dreamer

Brandi already wants another damn baby. How many do you NEED?

On Tuesday Brandon ages up into a toddler.

She teaches Brandon how to talk.

Brandi? being there for her children? Never would have thought about it.

Brandi tells Darren that she wants another baby, so they try for one.

A snow day is called on Wednesday, so Dirk works on Mechanical skills.

Darren teaches Brandon how to walk.

Brandi and Darren try again for a baby once she comes home from work.

Dirk is promoted to Security Guard, the top of the teenage career.

On Thursday, Brandi is promoted from Hostess to Waitress.

Brandi discovers she is pregnant with Baby no 5.

On Friday Dirk moves to Collage. Good Luck Dirk!

Pleasent

The twins move to collage on Saturday morning.

Mary-Sue decides to forgive Danial for cheating on her.

Nothing happens lmaooo.

Oldie

On Tuesday Lindsey ages into a teenager, she chooses the Family Aspiration, her lifetime wish is to have three of her children graduate collage.

Coral invites over the Burb Family.

Lucy and Lindsey literally hate each other lmao.

On Thursday Morning, Coral died and, well, her will is intresting lmao.

Mary-Sue got robbed lmao.

Lindsey adopts a cat called Moonshine.

Moonshine learns how to play dead.

Burb

On Tuesday Jenifer gets promoted to Architects apprentice

On Thursday Jenifer gets promoted to Draftsman.

Yeah, the Burbs got nothing lmao.

[vole-mon-amour]

IWTV, 1x03, part 2.

Speaking of normal nails in ep3. Lestat's suddenly got shorter? Huh? The hell changed?

He's already jealous, but the reaction and the acting are hilarious. I need gifs.

Queen.

Another difference from the book: Louis' mom suddenly figured out Louis is immortal? While in the book his sister and mom (?) were visiting his grave, thinking he was dead? But that was after the fire so IDK. But they didn't figure out he was a vampire. They didn't know. I feel like the Mother has way much of a role in this story. It wasn't like that in the book.

You're so precious when you're jealous and drunk. :') "I thought we can have an orgy. You can fuck them, and I can eat them." You go, silly boy. Can't wait to learn more about your history and the abuse in your past.

White nails again? That is some serious inconsistency. I doubt that he found a way to have his nails black and white over the century and then he didn't know how. Lestat was more than 200 and his nails were always white. This IS an inconsistency.

*heart eyes*

BABY, NO! :(

Never thought I'd agree with Lestat, but yes. This. What did 'Louis' think life as a vampire would be? Yes fucking humans. Steal blood from blood banks, for god's sake. I'm tired of him. And I'm even more tired before Claudia shows up because that's where he kinda starts killing again for a while, but it's not that Claudia & are they even going to Paris together? Are they?

Oh, and btw, contact lenses are sooo bad. Jacob looks more or less ok, but Sam with them? Big yikes.

I think I might be here for him only. He's the real doll in this mess.

Yes. Also, let's not forget that it's not out of respect for 'Louis' (if there's any real, idk with this show), but simply bc Lestat is not interested in running it in the slightest. He already has "all the money we need", wherever those came from, so he wouldn't even start running a whoring house. He wants all the fun and killing, not whatever this is. Which I find very interesting 'cause in the book he was literally threatening to kill Louis if Louis let slave go and sell the plantation.

ahhh.

Wondering how the story would went if they both were white, like in the books. "You two pale lovers"?

Oh to be praised and loved by Lestat. I admit, they could've had so much fun. While I can empathize with book!Louis, this one? "I did it for my people, for my city." Girl, who are you lying to? Mehhh.

King. Queen. I think I'm starting to understand the 'gender envy' phrase. I think I'm both attracted to him and want to be him.

Are you your own person or is Lestat your actual master and you are his slave? Stop blaming him for your decisions. I'm so tired of you.

You can have fun with this dude every night, but nooo, you choose to be broody and miserable about it. I don't like both Lestat and Louis in the book, so I'm glad to enjoy at least one of them here. Where's that iconic "There's still life in the old lady yet!"? Give me fun.

Baby boy. Baby. Deserves better.

"My light. My Claudia. My redemption." (checks where the ending of the book is coming for theatrical purpose) I'm gonna fight you, Louis. I'm gonna fucking fight you.

Now 'Claudia' is 14. And it's not her mother who died but her aunt, apparently. Sure, let's rewrite the entire canon. What's the point of aging up a character if you're not going to do anything about it? The entire struggle of her age is that it's an elder woman trapped in a body of a five year old that loved Louis her entire life. What's the point of aging her up if there's not going to be any romance. WHAT IS THE POINT. Not to mention that Claudia slept in Louis' arms in the book. In here? Apparently, it'd be too weird.

Y'all are cowards.

The episodes feel sooo long, but the Inside the Episode is like a very short version of it. Tempting to just go through those. x)

[zyafics-recs]

reblogging comment review by @zyafics

i’m alive i’m here (i’m fulfilling my duties bc damn a bitch went offline for 9 days and is behind on everything 😭) ⬇️

You drifted to your room, collapsing onto the small bed. The familiar scent of home did little to soothe the ache in your chest. It didn’t feel right. It never did, only when your brother was around, but now, not even that thought gave you faith as you closed your eyes, picturing Rafe’s face. His smile, his touch, his voice – they were all painfully vivid.

ugh i miss ur writing sm i love how this scene felt “slow” like u were navigating this lagged moment with her because nothing felt real

As you both settled in, the familiar warmth of his presence was a small comfort, a reminder that despite everything, you were still here together.

i don’t give a shit the one thing i love more than romance stories is sibling relationships 😭 they’re my heart n soul

"He’s facing several charges, but the severity of his sentence could depend on his cooperation. If he agrees to testify against his father, the authorities might offer him a deal."

i fear he won’t do it 😭😃

“You’re too good, y’know that? Personally, I don’t give a fuck if he dies.”

jj 😭😭😭 leave her alone 😭😭😭

"Complicated? Complicated is being stuck on an island, wondering if your sister is alive or dead. Complicated is dealing with the fact that the guy who put us through hell gets to play hero for a day and suddenly he's got your sympathy."

screaming into my pillow ur dialogues r too good

A carbon copy of your mother, your punishment.

okay pause ✋🏼 not the thematic parallel to abusive and neglectful parental figures i cannot handle this

You were just trying to find a shred of humanity in someone who had shown you a glimpse of it.

THIS LINE EATS SO HARD 😭😭😭

“Is that what you tell yourself to make you feel better?”

my jj would swing at ur jj for the way ur talking to ur sister

“Because I want to!” You screamed even though you hadn’t meant to. Tears of frustration fell as you raised your head, “And as far as I’m concerned, I’m still my own person and I can make my own decisions.”

PERIOD!!!!

 “He was good to me.”

girl *I* held my breath

Sarah never pushed you to talk, never demanded explanations. Instead, she just sat with you, shared a laugh or two, and let the silence speak for itself. It was a strange comfort; one you hadn’t realized you needed until it was there.

i love ur sarah sm mines a bitchhh 🙂‍↕️✋🏼

“No. Uh, a friend, I guess—” You were about to ramble, not too certain of what to say, but settled for, “Can you tell him Maybank’s calling?”

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE HIS PUNK ASS IS GONNA BE LIKE “i don’t know a maybank”

"I’m sorry. Mr. Cameron has requested not to speak with you," she said. "Is there anything else I can assist you with?"

YOU PUNK ASS BITCH

You screamed until your throat was raw, until you had nothing left to give.

no i didn’t (personally cannot scream LOL)

Six months had passed since that day

what the actual fuck

You had spent the afternoon alone, lounging in the living room with a half-read book and a broken fan that did little to ease the stifling heat. 

such good imagery god i love this

Your words caught in your throat as you saw him standing there. 

my heart is pounding omg

“You had six months.”

YIKES 😬

You looked at him, searching for any sign of deceit. His eyes were clear, more focused than you had ever seen them. “Why should I believe you?”

i’m shaking rn pls give a girl some respite

Rafe looked offended, eyes zeroing in on your lips before his gaze met yours. That's when you felt it again, “I never lied to you.”

i’m throwing punches into my pillow rn biting my teeth ohmygod

Rafe’s expression softened, and he reached out tentatively, his hand stopping inches from your arm. “I’m sorry, baby.”

go away demon 👹 @ gigi

It’s only then, when your brain cleared slightly that you noticed he looked different. His hair had been buzzed, his skin looked tanner than the last time you’d seen him, he looked healthier. 

oh we’re in season 3 now ok

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

i’m literally scraping my fingernails against chalkboards rn pls stop this madness 🛑🛑🛑

Rafe paused in the doorway, his back to you. His voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried clearly through the thick air. "I don’t regret it," he repeated, his shoulders tensing as he spoke.

gonna die ok 🪦

You had tried so hard to suppress your feelings, to deny the depth of your connection with him. But this…wasn’t something that could be easily forgotten or ignored. You had been so afraid to admit it, fearing that acknowledging would destroy you. 

You were in love with Rafe Cameron. 

oh my fucking god u did it again

final thoughts — ohmygod. i dont know why i kept putting off reading this? i think a part of me was scared because the literal content warning was “aka angst” and i said no. anyways, first and foremost u done it again gigi. what i was so impressed about this chapter was ur ability to create such flowing, strong and long dialogues. the one between jj and reader i read twice because i can’t believe how naturally-paced this story goes through that u don’t even realized it’s chunks on chunks of dialogues. that’s such an incredible feat and knowing now that ur from europe and english is probably a second language? the way u select the right words at the right time is an talent i strive to have. i’m like re-editing in my head being like “would i come up with that?” and being like “yeah i would’ve ended it there (bc i don’t know how to elongate a scene) but gigi knew how to keep it going.” gigi, when i tell u that’s one of the most impressive skills i’ve ever seen in my life i’m so serious. also, the way you structure and keep a consistent flow of emotions. the beginning of the story is stretched out in a way that i cinematically imagined a lagged moment. yk how in euphoria where it drags a scene from one part to the next? like that. and then the ending, when i said i was shaking, i was truly shaking. u had my heart clutched in ur hand and u just SQUEEZED IT 😭 💔 the way i felt everything and was so scared and panicking and my eyes wanted to read ahead because i wanted to know what happens but i also wanted to enjoy the writing 😭 u got me doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to read 😃 i thoroughly enjoyed this to the very end and ngl, i am so scared to read the next chapter i think imma hold off for a min…

THE OTHER SIDE OF PARADISE - rafe cameron (+18) - five

request: "a rafe enemies to lovers 🫣 the reader is jjs sister the whole drama before but then she gets left behind on the ship and rafe ends up comforting her and then yea that’s all I got you can do whatever else the rest 😛"

warnings: angst <3333333 for everyone <33; might need some editing bc im too tired to check everything but yeah

word count: 7.7k

The ride back to home was a blur. The plane ride, the ferry.

Everything. 

Every mile that took you further from Rafe felt like a wound being reopened. The police officers tried to engage you in conversation, but your responses were monosyllabic at best. They eventually gave up, letting you stare out the window in silence.

When you finally arrived, the sight of the familiar streets of The Cut did little to comfort you. Your house felt alien, a place you barely recognized. The officers escorted you inside, their presence a reminder of the reality you were returning to. 

“Your brother and your friends were rescued from a remote island a while ago. He was informed of your whereabouts an hour ago, he’ll be here soon.”

Their words barely registered.

You nodded numbly; your mind still stuck between the events that had unfolded just two days ago.

What kind of sister had you turned into? Barely phased over the fact your little brother was thankfully alive and well? You were supposed to protect him. 

Sensing your detachment, they exchanged a look before retreating to the porch, giving you some semblance of privacy.

You wandered through the house, your steps heavy. Each room felt like a snapshot from another life. The couch where you and your brother used to bicker over TV shows when Luke spent days doing God knows what, the kitchen table where meals were shared and stories were told, only between you two– they all seemed like relics of a past you could no longer touch.

Things would never be the same, you knew that.

You drifted to your room, collapsing onto the small bed. The familiar scent of home did little to soothe the ache in your chest. It didn’t feel right. It never did, only when your brother was around, but now, not even that thought gave you faith as you closed your eyes, picturing Rafe’s face. His smile, his touch, his voice – they were all painfully vivid.

That must be your punishment. 

A soft knock on the door jolted you from your thoughts. You sat up, heart racing. Your body was still on high alert, every little noise sent shivers down your skin. The blasting of the gunshots was still deeply rooted in your brain. It hadn’t even been three days. 

The old wooden door creaked open, and your brother's face appeared, bright blue eyes wide with concern. He rushed to your side, pulling you into a tight embrace nearly knocking the air out of your lungs.

"Holy shit,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, “Holy shit.”

You clung to him, the dam breaking as tears streamed down your face. The sobs wracked your body as JJ held you like you used to hold him. It devastated you. It felt so disappointing. He was never supposed to be the one carrying the family burden, you were. After what felt like an eternity, you pulled back, wiping your tears. Your brother sat beside you, his eyes searching your face.

“You’re not hurt?”

You took a shaky breath, trying to find the words, but all you managed to blurt out was a small “No. You?”

“No,” JJ nodded, lips pursed into a tight line as if he was figuring out what to say next, “They told me about the shooting.”

Your heart sank further at his words. You had hoped to avoid talking about it, at least for a little while. But he was watching you like he used to when you would act as a human shield for him, you couldn't brush it aside.

“I’m fine, I promise.” You reached out and squeezed his hand. "What about you? How did you get off that island?"

JJ let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“It was a mess. We were stuck there for weeks, trying to find a way out. Pope and Kie kept us sane, but it was rough. We finally managed to signal a passing boat, and they rescued us. But the whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about you."

You squeezed his hand tighter, guilt and gratitude warring within you.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry, JJ."

He shook his head vehemently. "No, don't apologize. None of this is your fault. I—I should’ve saved you on that ship, okay? It’s on me, not you.”

You’d cry again if you didn’t feel like your body was about to collapse, “You did everything you could. We both did. It's not your fault."

“The one time we changed places, and I couldn’t do it.”

"Jay—"

"I should have been there for you," He insisted, "I hated it."

It was your fault, not his. You pulled him into another hug, trying to convey with your touch what words couldn't express. The weight of your shared guilt and pain was almost suffocating, but at least you were together. You felt his body shaking, whether, from exhaustion or emotion, you couldn't tell.

When you finally let go, you took a deep breath, hoping to find some semblance of strength.

"We’re gonna be okay.”

JJ nodded, though you could see the doubt lingering in his eyes. "I know. It's just... hard."

"I get it. But we're both here, we're alive.”

A small, sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

The two of you sat in silence for a while, it was a fragile peace, but it was something. The familiar sound of the waves crashing against the shore outside the window was a reminder that life continued, even when it felt like your world had stopped.

"Do you think things will ever go back to normal?" JJ's voice was quiet, almost hesitant.

If he only knew. The one time you managed to close your eyes and sleep you were plagued by nightmares of JJ finding out what you’d done. About you and Rafe. It made you want to scratch your skin raw. 

“Yeah.”

You could see the exhaustion in his eyes, a mirror of your own fatigue. You knew you both needed rest, but the thought of sleep was daunting. The nightmares felt too close, the darkness too suffocating.

"Let's try to get some sleep," You suggested softly, though you weren't sure you could follow your own advice. "We both need it, ‘kay?”

JJ nodded, but you could see the wariness in his eyes. He laid down next to you, the bed barely accommodating the both of you.

As you both settled in, the familiar warmth of his presence was a small comfort, a reminder that despite everything, you were still here together.

The minutes ticked by in silence, the only sound being the rhythmic crashing of the waves outside. You focused on that, letting it be your anchor. Slowly, the tension in your body started to ease, the weight of the day’s events beginning to lift, even if just a little.

"Do you remember the first time we went out on the boat alone?" JJ's voice was a whisper in the darkness, a fragile thread connecting the past to the present.

A small smile tugged at your lips. "Yeah. You insisted you knew how to steer, and we almost ended up crashing into that sandbank."

He chuckled softly. "We were so scared. But you figured it out. You always did."

The memory was a bittersweet reminder of simpler times, a time when your biggest worry was navigating the boat, not navigating the chaos your lives had become. When you weren’t a complete fuck up.

Exhaustion finally began to overtake you, your eyes growing heavy. JJ's breathing evened out beside you, a comforting rhythm that lulled you closer to sleep. You wanted to tell him everything, but you couldn’t. Not without losing him in the process. 

Sleep came slowly, but when it did, it was deep and dreamless. Completely void, much like yourself these days. 

Morning came too soon, sunlight filtering through the curtains and casting a warm glow over the room.

You blinked awake, disoriented for a moment before the events of the past days came rushing back. JJ was still asleep beside you, his face peaceful in repose.

Carefully, you slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake him. The officer who comforted you after the shooting promised to call as soon as he got an update on Rafe’s condition. And so far? No call.

You wondered if the hospital or the police had contacted Sarah. She was Rafe’s closest family, aside from Wheezie who was still a kid, and Ward who was a sought-out criminal. It made sense that they would reach out to her.

If you rang the hospital, they wouldn’t disclose a thing, you weren’t family, and it wasn’t like you could ask Sarah. She would know something was wrong the moment you asked about Rafe. It was risky. 

The kitchen felt eerily quiet, the early morning light casting long shadows on the walls. You made yourself a cup of coffee, the warmth a small comfort against the chill that had settled in your bones.

Sitting at the table, you sipped slowly, trying to come up with some sort of tangible plan. You wanted to know if he was okay, needed to know, but every option seemed fraught with risk.

Your new phone buzzed on the table, jolting you from your thoughts.

You picked it up, heart pounding as you saw an unknown number flashing on the screen. You hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Hello?”

“This is Officer Thompson. I promised I’d keep you updated on Rafe Cameron’s condition.”

You closed your eyes, thanking God for finally giving you some piece of mind, “Yes, thank you.”

“He’s stable,” Officer Thompson continued. “The surgery went well, and he’s in recovery. It’ll be a while before he’s fully back on his feet, but he’s out of immediate danger.”

The knot in your stomach loosened slightly. “Thank you for letting me know.”

There was a pause on the other end.

“I know this is difficult, but you should focus on your own recovery too. There’s a chance the feds will contact you, they’re building their case on Ward. What happened to you is, unfortunately, considered a minor crime compared to everything he’s done, so maybe you’ll get some peace. If not, you might have to testify against him.”

The idea of having to testify against Ward made you uncomfortable to no end. Reliving those moments in front of a courtroom full of strangers seemed unbearable. 

“And Rafe? What are his charges?”

"He’s facing several charges, but the severity of his sentence could depend on his cooperation. If he agrees to testify against his father, the authorities might offer him a deal."

A deal. It was a slim chance, but it was something. You hated yourself for the weight that left your shoulders. He should be locked up, you knew that, back then you prayed for the day he paid for what he did and yet here you were, holding on to any possibility of freedom.

You thanked Officer Thompson again and ended the call, setting your phone down with a shaky hand. The coffee had grown cold, but you didn't have the energy to make another cup. You sat there for a long moment, staring into space, trying to gather your thoughts.

The sound of footsteps drew your attention, and you turned to see JJ standing in the doorway, his hair tousled and eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Who was that?” He asked, his voice still groggy.

“Uh—Officer Thompson. He was at the scene the other day and told me he’d keep me updated.”

JJ tilted his head, his messy bed hair following suit, “Updated on what?”

“Rafe’s condition,” You replied, the words feeling heavy on your tongue. It was a half-lie. At least you were giving him something. 

JJ stopped in his tracks, “And you care because…?”

“For closure, I guess.”

JJ’s gaze softened slightly as he walked over to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting across from you.

“You’re too good, y’know that? Personally, I don’t give a fuck if he dies.”

You winced inwardly. "JJ, you can't just say stuff like that.”

He leaned back in his chair, brows furrowed. "Why not? After everything he’s done, he deserves whatever he gets."

You couldn't argue with that, but part of you still felt the need to defend Rafe. He saved your life.

“He’s still a human being, okay?”

JJ scoffed, shaking his head. "Barely.”

You didn’t know why you suddenly felt so angry, so defensive. But it made its way up your body until your lips were moving again, practically spitting the words out.

“He saved my life.”

Your brother stared at you like you were speaking another language, “Saved your life? Are you serious? It’s his fault you were there in the first place!”

“He chose to help me. And I can't just forget that."

JJ ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated.

"This is insane. One good deed doesn't erase all the bad he's done."

You reached for his back, “I know that.”

He pulled away from your touch, your fingers only brushing against his shirt, “Do you?”

His retreat felt like a knife to your heart. JJ had always been your rock, the one person you could count on. Seeing him look at you with such disbelief and anger made you feel more isolated than ever. He looked at you like you’d imagined in your nightmares, but the real thing felt ten times worse. 

"I’m not saying he’s a good person. I’m just saying… it’s complicated."

He paced around the kitchen table.

"Complicated? Complicated is being stuck on an island, wondering if your sister is alive or dead. Complicated is dealing with the fact that the guy who put us through hell gets to play hero for a day and suddenly he's got your sympathy."

"It's not sympathy," You insisted, your voice rising despite your best efforts to stay collected. You never raised your voice at him. "It's just... I don't know. I saw a different side of him. Maybe he can change. Or at least help put Ward away."

JJ stopped and spun around to face you, his eyes blazing. "And what if he doesn't? What if this is all part of some twisted game for him? People like Rafe don't just change, okay? They manipulate, they hurt, they destroy."

“JJ—"

“You sound exactly like her.”

You didn’t have to ask to know what he meant. Suddenly your entire soul felt like it was being drained out and slashed into pieces.

You spent a lifetime hearing it, from Luke.

A carbon copy of your mother, your punishment.

“Don’t say that.”

“That’s exactly the type of bullshit she would spit out about dad, wasn’t it? And look where it got her.”

Memories of your mother flooded back. The excuses, the false hope, and the endless cycle of pain and disappointment. You weren’t her, were you? Holding out for a man who was never going to change, who would only inflict pain upon your life? It couldn’t be. You spent your entire life making sure you were nothing like her.

It wasn’t fair.

You weren’t making excuses for Rafe as your mother did for Luke. You were just trying to find a shred of humanity in someone who had shown you a glimpse of it. You stood there, feeling the weight of his accusation like a leaden cloak.

How could he think you were blind to Rafe’s faults? You knew them all too well. Standing there in the kitchen, under the harsh morning light, you felt exposed, vulnerable, and fiercely defensive.

“I’m not her,” You finally managed to say, your voice cracking, “I’m not defending him like she did.”

“Is that what you tell yourself to make you feel better?”

Your eyes narrow into slits, “I’m not doing this with you, not right now.” 

You turned away, your fists clenched at your sides as you fought to regain your composure.

He followed you hot on your trail, "Don't walk away from me.”

"I'm not defending him," You insisted, your back still to him, “I’m just trying to understand, okay?”

“Understand what? Jesus, Rafe is who he is.”

"And maybe he can change," You shot back, the words spilling out despite the tightening knot in your chest. "Maybe he saved my life because he wants to change."

"He's manipulating you," JJ retorted, his jaw clenched. "Just like he always does. You went through some traumatic shit together, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything."

You stopped dead in your tracks, turning to face him again. Your head was tingling, the headache already forming itself, and you felt hot all-over. 

“Some traumatic shit?” You repeated, “Are you fucking serious?”

JJ raised both his hands, tangling them in his hair in frustration, “You almost died, and now you're here defending the guy who put you in that position?"

The accusation stung. You felt the heat rise in your chest. You hated fighting with your brother. You were letting your feelings for Rafe get between the two of you.

He shook his head, disappointment oozing from him in waves, "Good luck with that. Just don't expect me to sit here and act like everything's okay."

You blinked away the dryness in your eyes, "I'm not asking you to. Can't you see that maybe things aren't as black and white as they seem?"

“All I know is what he's done to us, to you."

"And what about what he did for me?" You shot back, the words bitter on your tongue.

“And what did he do exactly?" Your lips parted to speak, but words continued to spill from his mouth, “What did you do?”

You gave no reply, unblinking, short breaths escaping you. His accusation lingered in the air, challenging you to defend the indefensible. The truth was there, clawing at your mind, but you couldn't bring yourself to voice it. 

Not to JJ, not yet.

"I don't expect you to understand," You finally said, voice strained, "But I’m not turning my back on him.”

JJ's eyes narrowed; frustration etched on his face. "Why?”

“Because I want to!” You screamed even though you hadn’t meant to. Tears of frustration fell as you raised your head, “And as far as I’m concerned, I’m still my own person and I can make my own decisions.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but the words seemed to evaporate. For a moment, the kitchen was filled with nothing but the sound of your heavy breathing and the instant regret that filled your bones.

Finally, JJ spoke, his voice low and strained. "Fine. Do what you want."

You watched as he turned away, his shoulders tense with anger or disappointment – perhaps both. His footsteps echoed loudly in the quiet kitchen as he stormed out, leaving you standing there, feeling raw and exposed. It was the first time you had ever raised your voice at him, and the aftermath left a bitter taste in your mouth. 

Alone in the kitchen, you sank into your chair again, your energy completely drained. Part of you wanted to run after him, to explain, to make him understand. But he never would. None of them would.

Because unlike you, they weren’t stupid enough to sympathize with Rafe Cameron.

Sitting there, you couldn't shake the feeling that you'd crossed a line, one you might not be able to uncross. You stared at your hands, still trembling from the argument, and let out a long, shaky breath. What was it about Rafe that had such a grip on you? 

You heard the front door open and close, a clear sign that JJ had left the house. Maybe it was for the best, giving you both time to cool down. You got up to pour the coffee down the sink, the sound of the liquid swirling away a tiny comfort.

You spent the entire day locked away in your room, avoiding any kind of social interaction, or the sun. Your phone buzzed again, and for a moment, you considered ignoring it.

You picked it up, expecting another call from Officer Thompson, but the name on the screen made your heart skip a beat.

Sarah.

With a deep breath, you answered. “Hey sweets.”

“Hi,” Sarah’s voice was almost unsure. “JJ and the police called earlier, told us what happened. Are you okay? I’m on the mainland with John B, we’re taking the next ferry back home.” 

You closed your eyes, somewhat relieved that you wouldn’t have to face them yet.

“Yeah, I’m…Managing. I'm okay.”

“Good, that’s good,” There was a pause, and then she asked, “Have you heard anything about...Rafe?”

Had the hospital not called her? The question hung in the air. You had, but you didn’t know how much to share. 

“He’s stable. The surgery went well.”

Sarah sighed, “Good. That’s good to hear I guess.”

“Sarah,” You began, hesitating. “Did the hospital call you?”

There was a long silence on the other end before she replied, “Yeah. But I…I don’t know. I just couldn’t bring myself to answer. I knew it was coming after the police called. But—Yeah, it’s just, it’s really hard.”

You didn’t know what to say, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re the only one not giving me shit about still…caring? I guess. He’s my brother, you know? And I want to hate him, so bad, but I can’t.”

"I get it, Sarah. He's your brother. It's okay to feel conflicted."

"Yeah," She exhaled heavily, "But I don't know how to deal with it. He's done so much harm, and yet. I keep hoping there's still some good left in him. I know there's no hope for my dad, but Rafe..."

She had seen him before Ward turned him into this. She still carried the guilt of reveling in their father’s approval, the clear favoritism that she never stood against for her brother, even though she could see her father’s fingers printed on Rafe’s cheeks. 

Her words echoed your inner struggle. You understood her—how love and hate could coexist in such a tangled mess when it came to family. 

 “He was good to me.”

There was a long pause.

You expected her to hang up on you, to call you a list of degrading names, all of which you felt you deserved. She had suffered deeply at the hands of her brother— the same brother you had come to care for, despite knowing the full extent of what he’d done. 

But you underestimated her.

Caught between your own anxiety and the dread of truth being exposed, you momentarily forgot just how compassionate and noble Sarah was. She possessed a goodness that mirrored your own—loyal, forgiving, and endlessly understanding.

Both lovers and fighters.

 "I know, the feds told me about the shooting," Sarah finally said, "And I think that's what makes it so hard. Picturing him as the same monster from before was a lot easier.”

You nodded even though she couldn't see you, feeling a deep ache in your chest. "Yeah."

"I don't know what to do," She confessed, her vulnerability cutting through the distance between you. "Part of me wants to see him, to talk to him. And part of me wants to never look at him again."

"I think... whatever you decide, it's okay," You offered tentatively, not entirely sure if your words were comforting or just empty platitudes.

“John B disagrees.”

“Yeah, so does JJ.”

"I appreciate you telling me about Rafe," Sarah continued, her voice softer now, more vulnerable. "I... I don't think I could have handled hearing it from anyone else."

You felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry you had to hear it like this, sweetheart. I wish things were different."

"We all do," she replied softly. "Thank you.”

“Of course," You said, "Take care of yourself.”

"You too. We'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah. See you soon."

The call ended, and you stared at your phone for a long moment, the screen dark and lifeless, much like yourself lately. 

You spent the next few days in a haze, avoiding JJ and the rest of your friends as much as possible. You’d only seen Sarah. Somehow her presence didn’t make you feel as nervous as you thought. It weirdly calmed you down. You’d always been close, ever since she joined the group, but now you felt like she was the only one who understood your point of view. 

You knew Pope and Kie wouldn’t, and you couldn’t blame them.

Sarah never pushed you to talk, never demanded explanations. Instead, she just sat with you, shared a laugh or two, and let the silence speak for itself. It was a strange comfort; one you hadn’t realized you needed until it was there.

The small house felt like a prison. It wasn’t until a week later, as you sat on the beach watching the waves crash against the shore, that your phone buzzed with a message. It was the officer: "Rafe’s awake."

Your heart leaped into your throat. You still hadn’t told anyone the full extent of what had happened between you and him, and you weren’t sure you ever could. They knew he was in the hospital, that you two had gotten caught in a shooting, that he’d somehow saved your life. That was it. But now, with him awake…You didn’t know what to do.

With trembling hands, you dialed the number the officer had provided. After a few rings, someone answered.

"Hello, this is St. Michael Hospital. How can I help you?"

You snap out of your daze, "Hi, I'm calling to check on a patient, Rafe Cameron. I was told he’s awake."

There was a pause, the sound of keyboard keys clicking. "Yes, Mr. Cameron is awake. Are you a family member?"

“No. Uh, a friend, I guess—” You were about to ramble, not too certain of what to say, but settled for, “Can you tell him Maybank’s calling?”

“Okay, just a minute please.”

The hold music was the only thing keeping you centered on the moment, each note heightening your anxiety. When the nurse returned, her tone was pitiful, and you knew then that you weren’t going to like her answer.

"I’m sorry. Mr. Cameron has requested not to speak with you," she said. "Is there anything else I can assist you with?"

You wanted to hurl the phone into the ocean, plunge your head underwater, and only resurface when the ringing in your ears ceased.

 What the hell? 

You had spent weeks on edge, consumed by thoughts of him, hoping he would survive, praying for him despite not believing in that sort of thing. You didn't have it in you to put up a fight.

"No, that's all. Thank you." You ended the call and stared at your phone. 

Rafe didn’t want to speak with you.

You felt foolish, as if you were just now glimpsing the bigger picture and recognizing that maybe he didn’t care after all. Perhaps, on the island, you were the one thing keeping him grounded, but now? Now you were back to being a nobody, just a pogue.

It felt like everything you had shared was for nothing.

Had you imagined it? No, you knew you hadn’t.

Rafe had kissed you and touched you with the tenderness of a lover, as if you were precious and any rough movement might break you.

The moments you had shared, the way he had saved your life—maybe they didn’t mean as much to him as they did to you. The bond you thought you had formed with Rafe was, perhaps, a desperate attempt to find something good in the chaos.

The waves crashed against the shore, the sound a distant roar as you sat on the sand, a storm brewing inside. You tried to hold it together, to keep the facade of normalcy for a little longer, but it was getting harder with each passing day. This felt like it was the final straw.

Without warning, a scream ripped from your throat, raw and unfiltered. It echoed across the empty beach, a primal release of everything you had been bottling up.

The anger, the confusion, the hurt—it all came pouring out in that one moment. Tears streamed down your face, mixing with the salty sea breeze.

You hadn’t cried properly in weeks. 

You screamed until your throat was raw, until you had nothing left to give. The sun cast long shadows on the sand, the beach deserted except for you. Collapsing back onto the sand, you let the tears flow freely. 

There was no one to judge you, no one to see you fall apart. You’d spent a lifetime pulling yourself together, it was only fair you finally got to breathe properly. When the tears subsided, you wiped your face with the back of your hand and took a shuddering breath. The tightness in your chest began to ease, replaced by a hollow ache.

You were many things, but none of them were weak and yet...It was almost unbearable, the way your mind replayed every interaction, every look, every word, searching for signs you might have missed, clues that would have warned you not to get attached.

The sound of footsteps in the sand pulled you from your thoughts.

You turned to see JJ approaching. Your heart sank; you weren’t ready to face him after the argument. He sat down next to you, silent for a moment as he followed your gaze out to the horizon.

When he finally spoke, his voice was softer than you expected.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

You nodded, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry for what I said about Mom,” he continued, his tone filled with regret. “I shouldn’t have compared you to her. That wasn’t fair.”

You swallowed hard, the tension easing slightly from your shoulders. “It’s okay, JJ. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“I did, and I didn’t,” he admitted. “I just... I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t trust him, and I hate that you’ve been caught up in all this.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

He glanced at you, eyebrow raised. “What do you mean?”

“I called the hospital. They said he’s awake, but he doesn’t want to speak with me.”

Your brother frowned, his protective instincts flaring up. “That fucking asshole. After everything—”

You shook your head, cutting him off gently. “Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe he’s right.”

JJ’s expression softened, and he reached out, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

A lump formed in your throat, but you nodded, trying to believe his words. “I just... I thought there was more to it. That maybe he could change.”

“People like Rafe... it’s hard to change.”

“Yeah.”

 “But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for wanting to see the good in him.”

He spoke with such gentleness and wisdom. You forgot he wasn’t a kid anymore. That he’d also done his fair share of growing up way too fast. 

You leaned into his touch, “I know.”

“We’ll get through this,” JJ said firmly. “Together. You and me, like always.”

 “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

As the sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the beach, you and JJ sat there in silence. The waves continued to crash against the shore, a reminder that life moved forward, even when it felt like everything was falling apart.

Maybe things would never go back to the way they were, but you had your brother, your friends, and a resilience you hadn’t known you possessed. 

⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Six months had passed since that day.

Life had settled into a fragile semblance of normalcy. The days were longer now, summer heat pressing down on The Cut, making the air thick and heavy. You had spent the afternoon alone, lounging in the living room with a half-read book and a broken fan that did little to ease the stifling heat. 

You were lost in your book when a loud, insistent banging on the door jolted you from your reverie. Few people would knock with such urgency.

The forceful banging on the door didn’t stop and you jolted upright.

Without thinking, you got up and flung the door open, irritation flaring. "What the f—"

Your words caught in your throat as you saw him standing there. 

"Rafe?" You blurted out. You immediately tried to close the door in his face, but he was quick. His hand shot out, holding it open, "Are you kidding me?" You hissed, pushing harder against the door.

"Maybank—"

"If you don't get off my property, I swear to fucking God—"

"Wait!" Rafe's voice was strained, his hand trembling as he held the door open. "Just listen for a second."

You glared at him, every instinct telling you to push harder, to shut him out. But something in his eyes—fear, desperation, a flicker of the Rafe you once knew—gave you pause.

The last time you saw him, he was bleeding out and terrifyingly pale.

The last update you had on him was from Sarah, months ago. He had left the hospital and kept sporadic contact, reaching out to her only every few weeks.

You never asked her about his well-being or what he was doing; despite guessing that he was cooperating with the police. At least you hoped he was. 

You were determined not to care anymore.

He leaned his weight against the doorframe, “You look good.”

You were going to slap the lack of common sense out of him. 

You scoffed, not letting your guard down. “What are you doing here?”

He looked down, struggling to find the words as he scratched the back of his head, “I... I needed to see you. To talk.”

“And I need you to crawl back to whatever hole you just creeped out of, have a good day.”

You tried to push the door shut again, but his grip tightened. “Please, just give me a minute.”

“You had six months.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I was— It’s messed up, okay? I’m still working with the feds. I was losing it. Still am, probably. But I need to explain. Please, Maybank, just a minute.”

You hesitated the anger and hurt battling against the small, lingering part of you that still cared.

Finally, you stepped back, letting the door open just enough for him to enter.

“Talk,” you said, your voice icy.

Rafe stepped inside, looking around your small living room as if seeing it for the first time, which you now realized he'd never been in your house.

He turned to face you, his expression earnest. “I didn’t know what to say. I felt—“, He took a deep breath, cheeks puffing, “Ashamed. I don’t know.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, keeping a safe distance between you.

“Ashamed? You’ve done a lot of things to be ashamed of. You can’t just show up after six months and expect everything to be fine.”

“I know,” He admitted, taking a deliberate small step closer to you, “I wasn’t expecting that. I just... I wanted to tell you that I’m trying. I’m in therapy and rehab, trying to get clean. I’ve been going to meetings. It’s been hell, but I’m trying.”

You looked at him, searching for any sign of deceit. His eyes were clear, more focused than you had ever seen them. “Why should I believe you?”

He took a deep breath, visibly struggling to find the right words.

“Because you’re the only person who ever saw anything good in me. And I can’t forget that. I don’t deserve it, but I need you to know that your faith in me wasn’t for nothing.”

The vulnerability in his voice took you by surprise. You had expected anger, arrogance, manipulation—but this was different. Genuine. It felt like you were back in that motel room, in his arms.

You let out a scoff, focusing your gaze on the couch you were just resting on, as you shifted your weight on your feet. “Is that all?”

Rafe's eyes darted to the floor, “No, it’s not all. I just—Shit. I need to make things right. With you. I don’t know how, but I need to try.”

You took a deep breath.

Part of you wanted to believe him, to give him another chance, but the other part of you—the part that had been hurt and abandoned—was screaming not to fall for it again.

“You didn’t even want to talk to me when you woke up.”

He looked up, guilt etched across his features. “I didn’t know how to face you after everything that happened. I was a mess.”

“So you shut me out?” You snapped, “You made me feel like I meant nothing.”

“That’s not true,” He snapped back, head whipping up, then immediately softened his tone, taking another step closer. “That’s not true. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I was getting better for you."

“Don’t lie to me.”

Rafe looked offended, eyes zeroing in on your lips before his gaze met yours. That's when you felt it again, “I never lied to you.”

“Cameron.”

Another step closer. His eyes pleading with you to understand. 

You were staring up at him now, the look on your face completely unreadable. You were waiting for an answer, but he had a feeling that no matter what answer he gave, it wouldn't make a difference.

"I never lied to you," He repeated, his voice shaking slightly. "I was scared and confused, but I never lied.”

You felt your anger rising again, every muscle in your body tensing as you tried to keep control. “Scared and confused? That’s your excuse?”

Rafe flinched at your words, but he didn't back down. “I know how it sounds. I handled it all wrong. I’m trying to fix it.”

“You think saying sorry and showing up out of the blue makes it better? It doesn't erase the months of silence.”

His hands reached out, his palms open as if he was dealing with a wounded animal. “I’m not asking for forgiveness right away. I just want a chance to make things right.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” You spat, your voice trembling with emotion, “How it felt, watching you almost die. I spent days wondering if you were going to be—” 

You stopped yourself, knowing that if you continued your voice would crack and the tears would start pouring down your cheeks.

You already cried enough for him. 

Rafe’s expression softened, and he reached out tentatively, his hand stopping inches from your arm. “I’m sorry, baby.”

You took a step back, putting more distance between you, needing the space to think clearly. “I needed you to be sorry six months ago.”

It’s only then, when your brain cleared slightly that you noticed he looked different. His hair had been buzzed, his skin looked tanner than the last time you’d seen him, he looked healthier. 

Rafe noticed your eyes wandering to his head and ran a hand through his short hair, a hint of a self-conscious smile flickering across his lips. “Yeah, I uh, made some changes. Trying to start over, I guess.”

You nodded slightly, not quite trusting yourself to speak. Finally, you broke the silence, your voice steadier now.

“I’m happy for you, but I can’t do this.”

“Pretty—"

You sighed, rubbing your temples as you cut him off, “I feel guilty enough as it is around everyone else.”

“I told Sarah.”

His words hit you like a punch to your gut. 

“What?”

“About us.”

You felt your stomach drop and your vision narrow, the world tilting sideways as the reality of what he just said sank in. “You what?”

“I told her.” 

“You absolute fucking—” You hissed, your voice rising without warning, “Are you serious?!”

“I thought it was the right thing to do,” His tone faltered to one that could’ve fallen on deaf ears if not attentive enough. “I needed someone to talk to, and she’s…my sister.”

“You thought it was the right thing to do?” You were shouting now, unable to contain your anger. “You think spilling everything to Sarah was the right thing to do? Did you ever consider how that might affect me? Or her?”

Rafe flinched, taking a step back. “I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

“Of course you didn’t,” You nearly growled, pacing the small living room. “You never think about anyone but yourself, do you?”

“Listen— “ He opened his mouth undoubtedly to fire back with another half-assed apology - but you barreled forward, letting the months of bottled resentment continue to burst open.

“You’re so selfish.”

“She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone,” His throat bobbed in an audible gulp, “It’s okay.”

“You really believe that?” You stopped pacing and turned to face him, your hands clenched into fists at your sides. “This is too much for her to keep to herself. It’ll eat away at her until she tells someone. And when that happens, my life here is over.”

Rafe looked stricken, his face pale. “I just—I needed someone to understand what I’m going through.”

For the first time, he took the time to explain what was going on in his head instead of letting his frustrations take over and kissing you.

“And what about what I’m going through?” You demanded. “Did you ever stop to think about that? I’ve been trying to move on, to rebuild my life, and you just waltz back in and blow everything up.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

You spotted his sun-kissed freckles. They wouldn’t be noticeable if you hadn’t looked at him so closely before.

“Sorry doesn’t fix this,” Bitterness began to overpower the pit of your heaving chest, “Sorry doesn’t make it go away. You can’t just undo what you’ve done.”

“I know,” One shaky hand scrubbed over his face, refusing to meet your wide-eyed stare., “But I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right. I swear.”

“Make it right? You can’t make this right, Rafe.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” he said, his voice breaking. “I’m trying, pretty. I really am.”

You felt a smidge of sympathy despite your anger. You could see the pain and desperation in his eyes, the same pain and desperation you had felt for the past six months. But that didn’t change the fact that he left you hanging for so long.

“I need you to leave,” you said finally, your voice cold and distant.

You expected him to put up a fight, to lash out, hide his emotions with empty threats and petty names. But he didn’t.

Instead, he nodded, his shoulders slumping slightly as he turned to leave. You watched him go in silence.

Part of you wanted to run after him, to give him another chance, to believe that he could change. But another part—the part that had been wounded and left to heal on its own—knew that it wasn’t that simple.

You had to protect yourself, even if it meant shutting him out for good.

Rafe paused in the doorway, his back to you. His voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried clearly through the thick air. "I don’t regret it," he repeated, his shoulders tensing as he spoke.

You blinked, taken aback. "What?"

He turned slightly, just enough for you to see the raw honesty in his eyes. "I don’t regret what happened. Between us. I regret how I handled it, how I hurt you, but I don’t regret feeling something real for once."

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, the suffocating heat seemed to dissipate, replaced by a cold clarity. You crossed your arms tighter around yourself, trying to hold onto your anger, your resolve. But his words had hit a nerve, bringing back memories you’d tried so hard to bury.

You looked away, unable to look at him, "It doesn’t change anything."

"I know.”

With that, he turned and walked out the door, the door clicking shut behind him, leaving you standing there. The room felt emptier than it hand in months as you leaned your forehead against the cool wood over the door.

You pushed away from the door, needing something to distract yourself. 

You picked up your book, but the words blurred on the page. You tossed it aside, your thoughts too chaotic to focus. Instead, you paced the small living room, replaying the conversation in your mind.

You eventually collapsed onto the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. You did the right thing, so why did it hurt so bad? 

You felt like a wound had been reopened, and you hated him for it.

But you hated yourself more for letting him get to you. The hours dragged on, the sun dipping below the horizon and casting long shadows through the windows. You tried to lose yourself in anything—TV, reading, cleaning—but nothing could shake the gnawing feeling of unresolved problems that clung to you.

You only saw Rafe's face, his desperate eyes, his trembling hands.

You remembered the feel of his skin, the sound of his voice when he was vulnerable. The memories were too real, too persistent. You couldn't bring yourself to explain it to yourself. Your eyes begin to itch, warning you to think of something else.

Anything else but Rafe.

Was this heartbreak? No—it couldn't be. 

You weren't in love with Rafe Cameron.

 At least, you didn't think you were.

You had never allowed yourself to consider it, to dwell on what you felt for him. But now, in the stillness of your small living room…it was different. You never had a good parental figure to teach you these things.

All you knew was destruction, violence, and heartbreak. And although you’d done pretty well for yourself, all things considered, this was new to you.

The thought hit you like a tidal wave, overwhelming and inescapable.

You had tried so hard to suppress your feelings, to deny the depth of your connection with him. But this…wasn’t something that could be easily forgotten or ignored. You had been so afraid to admit it, fearing that acknowledging would destroy you. 

You were in love with Rafe Cameron. 

[hello-nichya-here]

If there was only ONE change you could make to Buffy, what would it be?

I know you said one, but I'm giving you a ton because even though the show was great. there was A LOT wrong with it, and what bothers me the most depends on the day XD

1 - Let Joyce be a minimally decent mother. I'm not even talking great parent, just... not Joyce Summers. Almost anything is an improvement.

2 - No Xander judging Buffy for sleeping with Spike, a souless vampire that killed people, while he himself had just been dating and almost married Anya, a literal vengence demon that spent thousands of years torturing and killing people. Just let him have SOME level of self-awareness (and not be just Joss Whedon's way of berating the fans for liking the "wrong" character).

3 - Either making Riley minimally decent, or no letting Joss make EVERYBODY praise Riley for being the "perfect" boyfriend, when the bar was on the fucking ground and somehow he STILL failed at being better than ALL of Buffy's love interests - including all the ones that actively tried to murder her at one point or another.

4 - No Angel saying he's going to help Faith process the shock, guilt and denial over accidentally killing an innocent man, only to them dump all of his trauma onto her and saying that, on some level, she enjoyed killing an innocent man just like he liked killing humans when he had no soul, and then completely ignoring and basically gaslighting her when she pointed out that no, that was not the case, and that he can't just project onto her and think that counts as help.

5 - Either no Faith becoming evil, or at least give us more scenes between her and the Mayor because I REALLY liked the "wholesomely evil dad spoiling his daughter" vibes they had going on. (Seriously, I need an entire spin-off show of those two being the evil version of The Incredibles)

6 - NO KILLING TARA (or at least bring her back)

7 - No undoing Jonathan's character growth for the sake of a joke that wasn't even all that funny.

8 - No Gilies willingly abandoning Buffy and the others at exactly the worse time that he KNOWS is the worse time. Have the council find a way to force him to leave as revenge for the time Buffy made them her bitches.

9 - NO GILIES GOING ALONG WITH THAT SLAYER TEST BULLSHIT

10 - No Amy becoming evil for no real reason

11 - No Buffy emotionally neglecting Spike and beating the shit out of him when he doesn't deserve it

12 - No Spike trying to rape Buffy

13 - NO "SPIKE IS THE DOCTOR" STORYLINE, HOLY SHIT, WHO ALLOWED THIS? WHO WANTED THIS? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE!

14 - Either make Angel less of an asshole, or at least acknowledge that he wasn't that great of a boyfriend.

15 - Make season one matter more, because it honestly felt more like a pilot that is ignored 9 times out of 10.

16 - Tone down Dawn's teen angst a bit. It worked in many episodes, but there were MANY times in which it felt completely out of place (like her complaining that Buffy doesn't imagine her in her "ideal reality" when it's VERY CLEAR that what Buffy is hallucinating is NOT her dream world, but just a world in which she never left LA and the supernatural isn't real)

17 - More Ripper stuff

18 - More scenes of Buffy confronting Giles and Joyce for sleeping together because that shit was funny as hell.

19 - No ruinning things for Xander and Anya

20 - ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WILLOW IS BI!

21 - BRING UP THAT ONE KID WHO WAS CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WITH XANDER AND WILLOW, DIED IN THE PILOT, AND WHOSE NAME I TOTALLY FORGOT!

22 - This one is kind of cheating, but give the early fight scenes better effects and choreography because... yikes.

23 - No "updating" the opening theme. Let the 90's punch me in the face every single time I watch an episode.

24 - SEASON SIX. That's all I have to say.

25 - No letting Joss Whedon use characters as self-inserts.

26 - No letting Joss Whedon be Joss Whedon

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Stranger Things Season 4 Volume 2 - REACTION + THOUGHTS

Holy fucking shit, everyone 😭 it was only two episodes and yet I feel drained, it took like 4+ hours to get through two damn episodes but I did it!

My reaction to Episodes 1-7 are HERE!

I wrote my thoughts in a notebook as I watched and I’ve elaborated more on those thoughts in this post below. Mostly it’s a lot of freaking out and fangirling though 😂

⚠️ There are HUGE spoilers below the read more so please read at your own risk! ⚠️

Episode 8 - Papa

Awww mini Eleven is so cute

She was so exhausted after sending Vecna to the beyond that she straight up passed out after

Not me getting triggered by showing 001 being tattooed again 🤧

The gang panicking to find music is so funny but also FIND THE MUSIC FFS

“I want you to tell Eleven… I want you to tell her everything you’ve seen… tell her everything” - oh shit, he didn’t kill Nancy 😮‍💨 but also yikes

Not the Russian demogorgan still alive???

Awww, Joyce patching Hopper up :3

“You’re the hero of Hawkins” - IM NOT CRYING, NOT YET 🤧

Hop asking after El and Joyce saying “she misses her dad” ❤️

“Umm I hate to interrupt” LMAO “but apparently they (the demogorgons) can climb too” … shit

WHY IS THERE ANOTHER ONE STRAPPED TO A TABLE BEING DISSECTED

Tell me the Russians have NOT been experimenting on the demo-creatures 😭💀 and what the hell is that swirling dust stuff???

Eleven’s powers are BACK! 😀

To be quite brutally honest, I forgot what the Cali crew were up to because they were just… there. Not really doing that much. :/

I’m not really digging Mike’s whole “what if she doesn’t need me anymore???”, let alone Will having to reassure him “of course she’ll need you” like… ?? Boys, hello???

OHHHH THE PAINTING

Awww is it based on DND?? Apparently El commissioned it, and Mike in the painting’s coat of arms is a heart because he’s the heart of the group or some shit?

Honestly not really here for Will’s painting/feelings being used to further the Mileven pairing :/

The way Jonathan was looking at Will and Mike, I thought he was thinking “yeah my brother’s got it bad”

“When you’re different, you feel like a mistake” - WILL BABY??? Again, it’s so obvious he’s gay and hiding it???

NOT WILL LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AND CRYING, POOR BOY IS HEARTBROKEN (and at this point I’m starting to think that yes, in love with Mike)

Did sending Vecna through the portal cause Eleven’s speech and language to regress too??? Because I’m S1 she can barely speak and needs to be taught common words, whilst in flashbacks in S4 in the lab, she seems quite fluent?

Has this motherfucker Brenner been searching for 001 this whole time??? Is that what this is about???

Oh god not the autopsy photos 😭

“Your friends are in danger” - yeah but what else is new??? They’re in danger like every 6-12 months 💀

The clock has 4 chimes… which means 4 gates, 4 victims??? Shit, he’s one away???

Eleven using her powers to watch the Hawkins gang :’(

Nancy: We have to go back // Eddie: 🤦 NO

Robin calling him “Henry-slash-Vecna-slash-One” 😂

Because El is watching them, she’s in on their plan too now… interesting

Max: I draw his focus next to me - ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT I CANNOT GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN

If Max fucking dies, I will be SO ANGRY

Yayyy Jopper + Murray + Dmitri made it out of the Russian base!

LMFAO at the van just smashing through the gate

Hopper protecting Joyce by wrapping his arms around her :3

Joyce saying “That plane crashed” and Hopper’s concerned “… crashed?!?”

Dmitri threatening Yuri lol

I like that at this point Steve is still not wearing a proper shirt 🥵

Eddie calling Max “red”

“You got a ski mask or a bandana?” - cut to Eddie wearing Max’s Michael Myers mask that she wore at Halloween in S2 😂

Eddie hot wiring a van

HE CALLED STEVE “big boy”, I’M-

Also Steve is STILL barefoot 😂

“Your friends are not prepared for this fight” - right, so maybe go and fucking help them????

Owens at least tried to let Eleven make a choice, Brenner is a dick

No but Steve talking about his dreams and saying in his dreams for his life, he wants 6 kids and to travel America on road trips with them 😭🤧 he would be such a great dad, I’m-

Nancy calling 6 kids “a nightmare” LMFAO SAME

“If only I had some practice” *gestures to the kids he’s always babysitting* 💀

Lucas making the Ms Kelly link and also wanting to find someone else - anyone else - so Max won’t be in danger

Max’s happiest memory involves Lucas, which makes me think it’s probably the Snow Ball dance when they got together?

Is that a helicopter?!! There’s no way that thing is carrying five adults from Russia to America???

“For me, she is still a virgin” - PLEASE DO NOT SAY THAT ABOUT THE HELICOPTER YURI

The War Zone store is like the size of an entire shopping mall :/

Ah, America… no one is questioning young teenagers like Erica, Max, etc buying guns and explosives

IS THAT VICKIE IN THE STORE 💀

WHAT DO YOU MEAN VICKIE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND SHE MADE OUT WITH HIM RIGHT THERE, FOR FUCK SAKE

Robin being heartbroken 😭

NAHHH WHY THE FUCK IS JASON AT THE GUN STORE, why are ALL OF THE BASKETBALL BROS THERE

Jason really needs to back the fuck off, and the scene where he’s talking to Nancy and putting his hands on her gun really proved that

Argyll saying Nina sounds like a “small woman” 😭 he ain’t wrong, “nina” is Spanish for little girl I think

Nahhh is Argyll STILL fucking high 💀

Getting REAL sick and tired of seeing military and army assholes

DID BRENNER CALL THEM, FUCKING DICK

“If my men hear you coming, they’ll kill him (Owens)” - BRENNER IS LITERALLY BLACKMAILING HER WHAT THE FUCK FUCK HIM

Eleven called him OUT and I love it

“You could not let him (001) go” “you are the monster” — SO TRUE

He injected her what the hell 💀

She should have just killed him tbh

“Is this legal?” “Actually, I think it’s a felony” — LMFAO

Eddie and Dustin play fighting and Eddie making Dustin promise “never change, promise me”… why do I feel like Eddie’s imparting some wisdom and is about to be killed…

“Even though you’re a bench riding loser, you’re still my brother” - awww Erica :3

Wait did Steve say Vickie’s boyfriend is a full ass college man 💀

“Not everyone has a happy ending” - ST writers are definitely trying to tell the fans to lower their expectations of happy endings for everyone 😭

“It might not work out for us this time” - FUCK. NO. NOPE.

Oh god did he put one of those collars on Eleven?!?

Not the shootout 🤦

Omg they shot Brenner and he dropped Eleven. Not gonna be sad if he dies tho, he low-key deserves it lmao

Owens saying he could put El in a coma and then if the killings stop they’ll know it’s her, but the gang is planning on taking down Vecna do the killings will stop??? And they’ll think it’s El???

Never mind, asshole army guy ordered them to kill Eleven anyway

EYYYY Cali gang FINALLY pulling their weight and going to the rescue!

Go on, Eleven! Bring it down! Knock the aircraft out the air!

I’m confused tho because I thought he collar subdued her powers but she’s still wearing it in this scene and straight up knocking a helicopter out of the sky???

The Mike and Eleven reunion was sweet but idk Will still feels like a third wheel even when he’s happy to see Eleven and he hugs her

Will crying with happiness at seeing El again and giving her a hug 😭❤️ love the brother-sister relationship

Brenner has a remote control to make the collar fall off???

“I’m proud of you” “you are my family” “my child” — yeah? Funny way of fucking showing it, mate

“Please tell me you understand” - and then she doesn’t say anything, just gets up and says “goodbye papa” 😅

Soooo… is he actually dead this time?

I’m so anxious for this plan, holy shit

THE MUSIC IS PHENOMONAL!!! (It’s Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) by Journey and Steve Perry, and it was in one of the trailers)

The chills I got at them approaching the Creel house again… ooh

Episode 9 - The Piggyback

Strap in, folks, this one is a whopping 2hrs and 20 minutes!

YURI JUST SABOTAGED THE HELICOPTER FUCK SAKE

Hopper and Joyce’s sexual tension is getting VERY obvious Jesus Christ

THEM CHANGING NEAR EACH OTHER AND JOYCE LOOKS OVER AND HE’S SHIRTLESS IM-

Lmao at her Hulk Hogan t shirt though

Hopper’s been dreaming about their Enzo date and starts listing the food, and then… “been dreaming about something else too”

IS IT HAPPENING

HOLY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I LITERALLY SCREAMED THEY KISSED HOLY FUCKING CHRIST

NOT THE PHONE INTERRUPTING THEM GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY

“You can be the hero, Steve” - yes but only if he survives 😇

I’ve got a horrible feeling about both Steve and Eddie, and I hope I’m wrong

To be fair to him, Jonathan is trying very hard to get plane tickets to Hawkins and I appreciate the effort

Soooo Eleven is going to go inside Max’s mind and protect her there? 🤔

*talking about how El needs a “bathtub”* Argyll: Yeah, gotta be clean to enter the mind — I FUCKING DIED LAUGHING

Hell yeah for the Kate Bush reappearing

Them writing notes so they won’t be overheard by Vecna on the other side is super smart actually

Not that dude seeing Erica and tipping the basketball team off 😤

Not Jason target practicing smh

Murray: “I see the mood here is bleak, and understandably so” LMFAO NO KIDDING

So those particles moving… means there’s a gate open?

Part of the hive mind is in Russia… where they’ve just escaped from 💀

Of course there’s another Surfer Boy Pizza shop, of course it’s a franchise

The amount of “dudes” in this one conversation LMFAO Even Jonathan was doing it 💀

Love that their prep involves cooking a pizza in the oven 😂

Also the sensory tank is in the newly emptied pizza freezer???

Robin panicking about getting lost is a whole ass mood frankly

“She’s a super klutz” - bless

Apparently Steve used to crawl backwards as a baby? “Always in reverse” (no joke I actually read a book about a boy who crawled backwards and did everything backwards because his mother and father met on a train that was travelling backwards???) (I looked it up; it’s called “Back To Front Benjy” by Dick King Smith)

He also apparently thumped his head as a baby o_o (Nancy: “explains so much” lol)

Steve calling himself confident but an idiot made me kinda sad, all this self reflection made me think he was gonna die 😭

Him thanking her for giving him “the biggest thump” of his life and discussing their relationship

I can’t believe he really said NANCY was the most important part of his dream… I am really not here for Steve/Nancy :/

LMAO at Robin ruining their moment 😂

Wait, where are the Russian guards?

… ohhh I think I know based on the sounds coming off that radio, my god

Ooh did Dmitri break through with Yuri and convince him to do the right thing? :O

Max writing “hi” and Lucas writing “hi :D” back

“I’m glad you’re here” - AWWWW

He asked her to a movie on Friday and she drew him a cute picture 🤧

Okay but WILL Vecna take the bait or not is the question?

Max taking her headphones off… Here we go.

I had a fleeting thought of what if he decides to take Lucas instead??? They’re expecting him to go for Max but Lucas is there too?!?

Mike made goggles out of pizza boxes, I’m-

Argyll interrupting Mileven to give them pizza!

Ewww okay so Eleven: she’s an 11 but she likes pineapple on pizza 🤢

“Do you remember that time you told me you had Lego stuck up your nose?” - I SPAT OUT MY COFFEE WHAT THE FUCK JONATHAN

“You used to come to me more for help” — aww :(

“I’ve been distanced-“ “Stoned.” - LOL

Aww Byers brothers sharing a hug :3 and Will getting emotional 🥹

“I love you: there is nothing in this world that will change that” - TELL ME THIS WOULD NOT BE JONATHAN’S REACTION TO WILL COMING OUT??? This should have at LEAST been a prompt for Will to come out to him maybe???

Eleven found Max!

… oh no. No, it’s not working??? Vecna isn’t taking the bait???

Max saying Vecna was right, Billy made her life hell, she would pray for something awful to happen to him… “I didn’t know if he deserved to be saved” OOF

“So now when I lie in bed at night, I pray something terrible will happen to me.” - MAX SWEETIE NO 😭

I KNEW AS SOON AS LUCAS STARTED SAYING BAD STUFF THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY VECNA

Oh gosh come on Eleven, save the day

We get to see a little Max memory of her skating

WHOOOO EDDIE SHREDDING THE ELECTRIC GUITAR

“Chrissy, this is for you” - I’M NOT OKAY

Demobats!!!!!

“Where are you going, Maxine?” Oh fuck no I’m out

NOT THE BILLY SAUNA DOOR THING

NOT THE BASKETBALL CREW HITTING AND HURTING ERICA FUCK THEM

Let me say it again, Eddie shred the FUCK outta that guitar solo

Max’s memory is the snow ball dance…

Dustin: “Most. Metal. EVERRRRR!” Bless

NOOOO the Russian glass cage things are broken?!?!

Sooo… monster got in, guards tried to stop it, gunfire shattered the tanks, others came alive :O Particles = The Shadow, which went into the monster(s)?

By the way, this whole plan of “hey, while Max distracts Vecna and probably gets herself killed, let’s sneak up into the attic in the upside down and stab/burn him while he’s in a trance” is fucking stupid 💀

Ohhhh that’s a LOT of vines on the floor

Robin worrying because she’s clumsy, she’ll tread on them, and Nancy holds her hand and says it’s okay??? RONANCY FANS RISE UP

“Shouldn’t you be playing with dolls?” “Should you bag your face?” YOUNG MAX IS A SAVAGE

Wait, the song from the Snow Ball (Every breath you take)?

I was singing along to that song and then I let out a scream because the balloon popped 💀

Speaking of balloons popping, what is this, Stephen King’s IT??? 🤡

Ohhh now the music’s changed to Dream a Little Dream of Me, which was playing in the Creel house and was what Victor was listening to

Well this took a sharp turn… the flowers are withering, blood is everywhere…

LET ERICA GO, FUCK 😤

Oh NO NOT JASON IN THE ATTIC

He thinks Lucas is doing some cult shit to Max (a la Hellfire Club)

JASON PUT THE FUCKIN GUN AWAY MAN

He wants Lucas to wake Max up or he’ll shoot???

“Or are we supposed to read your mind” lmao Murray

Nooo why does Hopper need to he demo-bait 😬

Not Joyce remembering Bob because Bob did exactly the same thing and she watched him die in front of her 😭

“I still got a date to make, remember?” “I am not having another funeral” - I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS I WANT TO CRY

Awww now there’s a tender Jopper kiss in addition to the down and dirty one

The demobats are on the roof… they can’t get in, right?

OH WAIT YEP THEY CAN 🤧

Watching Steve/Robin/Nancy dodge the vines made me extremely anxious to be honest

NOOOOOOOO NOT ROBIN

NOT STEVE FUCK FUCK FUCK

AND ALSO NANCY TOO WHAT THE FUCK

(They’re not dead, just being strangled by vines inside the house)

I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough for this show 💀

Not the demodog chasing Hopper 😭 meanwhile the demobats are coming through the vent

Dustin climbed back through the portal and then Eddie cUT THE ROPE NOOOOOO

Eddie trying to buy more time 😭 don’t do it, Eddie, the town don’t deserve it

Somehow I don’t think barricading the door with fold up chairs is going to stop Vecna, Max lmao

Oh god that chiming is going to haunt my fucking nightmares

Vecna appearing behind Max definitely scared me, Jesus Christ

Nooooo leave Max alone!!!

Lucas trying to convince Jason but of course Jason is a toolbag and too far gone

“I never should have let you in the door” “and I never should have knocked” OH SHIT

Lucas called Jason a raging psychopath, which is quite accurate to be honest

Sinclair siblings once again kicking ass at the same time, we love to see it

WAIT DID JASON JUST BREAK THE MUSIC PLAYER

COME ON ELEVEN HELP MAX PLEASE

“Much braver than your brother” OOF OKAY VECNA JESUS

Oh no no no no he’s gonna do the thing-

ELEVEN YESSSSSS SHE SAVED MAX THANK GOD

V: You. // E: Hi. *throws him through a wall*

Dustin trying to jump back up into the ceiling portal using furniture and then he hurt his leg falling though :(

NOOO EDDIE NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Jason needs to leave everyone alone smh what an ass

ElMax checking on each other :3

“Are you real? Did I make you?” “I’m real.” “How?” “I piggy-backed from a pizza freezer.” “… what?” — LMFAO

Oh of course Vecna is up again 😭

“If you touch her again, I’ll kill you again” — OOF GO OFF

Vecna is right though, technically she didn’t kill him before, just sent him through that portal 🤷🏻

Max really tried to run up behind Vecna and stab him when she was being noisy as fuck

Yeah no Eleven’s getting her ass beat in this fight I won’t lie

Goddammit now he’s attached El to the door with vines

NOT CHRISSY’S DEAD BODY IN THE BACKGROUND JUST CHILLING

Vecna has Max 😥😓😰

She told him Papa is dead and Vecna paused

“He is the monster, Henry. Not you.” OOF.

“He was just a man. An ordinary mediocre man.” - DAMN TRUE THO

“He did not make me into this. You did.” - … Vecna is telling the truth technically 😬

The flashback showing him exploring this “realm unspoilt by mankind” and it looks like a barren shit hole to me 😫

So the particle cloud… helped him become a predator???

THE MIND FLAYER??? And young Henry/Vecna’s drawing IDENTICAL to Will’s???

So has this all always been Vecna or…?

“Sought a means to open my own doors” (showing S3) - so was THAT Vecna????

I love the contrast of the red lighting in the Eleven/Vecna scene vs the blue in literally all the others but especially Lucas/Jason’s fight

NOOO NOT HOPPER IN THE SAME POSITION AS BOB IN S2

NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONONONO NOT EDDIE NOT EDDIE

Erica, come on girl! Jason is literally about to strangle Lucas to death!

“But now I just want you to watch” - oh shit

NOT MAX, LEAVE HER ALONE

Mike/Will/Jonathan/Argyll trying to wake Eleven up…

Will telling Mike he’s “the heart” and Mike saying “I love you” to El… I’m so tired. I’m so tired of Will’s obvious sexuality/crush being used to further a straight couple

Not Mike claiming his life was only meaningful after meeting Eleven 💀 and the flashbacks to the very first episode when they met, I’m so done with this

Wait, are the vines uncurling from around Eleven???

COME ON LUCAS PULL THROUGH

Noooo MAX’S ARMS AND LEG ARE DOING THE SNAPPY THING I CANNOT WATCH

Joyce rescuing Hopper by electrocuting that demodog 😥

OH SHIT THATS A DEMOGORGAN

TELL ME MAX IS OKAY NOW, RIGHT?!?

Murray kicking ass with the flamethrower!!!

Oh thank fuck Steve/Nancy/Robin are released and okay

Ewww not the squelchy noises when they all walk around 🤢

Well, Hopper, looks like shooting a demogorgan didn’t work…

IS THAT A FUCKING SWORD?!? HE GONNA FIGHT IT WITH A SWORD?!?

RoStAncy found Vecna - come on, guys, prove this plan wasn’t shit

“The beginning of the end” - eyyy it’s the season 4 tagline!

Not them playing Running Up That Hill again, I’m already a mess 💀

OH SHIT THEY’RE BURNING HIM

Oh wait no he’s up again, ROBIN THROW ANOTHER MOLOTOV PLEASE

NANCY SHOOT HIM OH MY GOD

HOPPER SLICED THAT DEMOGORGAN’S ARM CLEAN OFF

Oh sHIT NANCY ANNIHILATED HIM

Wait… what do you mean there’s still 40 FUCKING MINUTES TO GO?!?!

IS Max okay??? And Eddie???

NOPE EDDIE’S DYING FOR FUCK SAKE I’m so upset he was my favourite newbie 😭😭😭

“I didn’t run away this time, right?“ STOP IT RIGHT NOW

Eddie didn’t even get to graduate 😭🤧 this was supposed to be his year, I’m so upset-

NAH FUCK THIS SHOW FUCK IT

CALL AN AMBULANCE FOR MAX PLEASE I CAN’T LOSE HER AS WELL

No no no no I hate this, this is awful, she’s blind and can’t see and she’s so scared and she’s crying 😭

Max crying and panicking because “I can’t see, I’m so scared, I’m not ready to go, I want to go on” I’M SOBBING, NO, NO, NO, FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW

Lucas sobbing as she dies I can’t fucking STAND THIS FUCKING SHOW FUCK THIS

Four chimes… oh no. Oh no no no no NO.

AFTER ALL THAT, VECNA STILL WINS BECAUSE IT’S OPENING THE BIG GATE ANYWAY???

Karen and Little Holly 😭

Holy FUCK, Hawkins is actually well and truly FUCKED this time

… Is Eleven trying to bring Max back to life??? Is that even possible???

Not the ElMax flashbacks making me tear up again 😭

Don’t get my hopes up, I can’t take it if my hopes are raised and smashed down again

Cut to black and… two days later??? Excuse me??? WHt the fuck happened???

Ohhh that’s a lot of cars leaving Hawkins

Oh shit the smoke coming off of Hawkins?!?!

So they’re saying it was this ridiculously traumatic earthquake???

Not them all believing it’s Hellfire’s fault still :/ and that Eddie is still guilty, fuck this town-

“Doorway into hell” - oof, that’s one way to put it I guess

Eyyy Mike finally reuniting with his family and Will reuniting with his friends, and Jancy seeing each other too!!

“You can forget about college” - LMFAO

Okay, now why is Lucas at the hospital??? Again, do NOT get my hopes up!

Wait, is Max in a coma????

Lucas reading to Max 😭

I can’t get over Lucas and Eleven hugging?!! They’ve come so far since S1 when he hated her 😭

They don’t know if Max will wake up or why she hasn’t yet :( they’re saying she died for like a minute but then a miracle (Eleven) happened

Eleven holding Max’s hand and telling her “I’m here” :’(

Nancy and the others are donating their stuff because of the disaster, that makes sense

I love how ready Steve and Robin are to help 🤧❤️

Vickie?!?! Oh that’s awkward… I love Amybeth tho

“Was my boyfriend” — ohhh aye? 👀

Her saying she should have dumped him for disliking “fast times” lmfao

“It’s like my mouth is running faster than my brain” - oh her and Robin are so suited to each other

Listen… Vickie could still be bisexual, okay, just because she dated a guy it doesn’t mean she can’t date girls 🤷🏻

I hate that people have been graffiti-ing Eddie’s missing poster 😭

Dustin has Eddie’s guitar pick neck chain 🥺

I feel so bad for Eddie’s uncle 😢

When Dustin started crying over Eddie and telling Eddie’s uncle that Eddie was a hero, I lost it

“He fought and died to protect this town that hated him” - I CAN’T 😭 Eddie deserved so much fucking better

Hopper’s cabin???

Jonathan: *pointing to massive gaping hole in ceiling* Well, that’s a bit of a problem — 😂😂😂😂

Aww they’re fixing up the cabin :3

Argyll gathering mushrooms 🤣

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” “I’m actually kinda glad you weren’t… I mean, that you were with Mike” - suuure, Nancy -_-

Why did I feel like they were about to go on a break during this scene 💀

Nancy saying Steve’s grown quite a bit as a person… true but girl seriously

“Are we okay?” “… yeah.” — Nancy, you did NOT sound very sure

Oof Jonathan had the perfect opportunity to tell Nancy about his plans for college but he didn’t :/

Will knowing 001 isn’t dead because he can feel him hurting… o_0

So will Vecna be in S5, and if so will his first target be Will because lord knows that boy has a LOT of trauma to feed off of

Is that coke bottle from when El and Max played spin the bottle in S3? That feels like so long ago now 😭

So apparently Eleven couldn’t find Max in that mindscape/black area thing? (I don’t know what to call it, I’m sorry 😭)

IT’S HOPPER, A FATHER DAUGHTER REUNION IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN OH MY GOD

She kept the door open 3 inches always and never stopped believing 😭😭😭😭

“Your hair…” “My hair? Your hair!” - THEY BOTH LOST THEIR HAIR IM SO-

“I kinda stole your look, kid, what you think?” “Bitching” - 😭❤️

JOYCE AND EL REUNITING ❤️

I do wonder if the Hoppers and Byers will be one big family now because Jopper is a thing 🤔🙂

Oh no… no, not the Will Neck Tingle™️

Oh damn, it went from sunny to overcast VERY quickly

It’s snowing??? It’s spring break so it shouldn’t be snowing???

Plants rotting/dying… ash in the sky I think? (So is it ash or is it snow?)

Joyce and Hopper holding hands 🥺

SHIT, THAT’S WHERE THEY END THIS SEASON, ON THAT CLIFFHANGER

SEASON 5 WHEN?!?!?

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi! It's an au twilight question.

What if Edward and Bella did the nasty in early New moon. Then the party happens and the Cullens leave. Bella discovers she's pregnant with Renesmee. What do you think what would happen?

A very interesting question, anon. One that will go very interesting places, I'm sure.

That said, as usual, because I'm a completionist, we have to go through the "why no canon?" routine. Bear with me, I simply must.

Why Didn't Edward and Bella Do the Nasty Pre-Breaking Dawn?

For all that Edward is, for all his... questionable morals and sexual fixations, he does have a moral code he strictly holds himself to.

Edward is adamantly against having sex with Bella in terror of the very real possibility that he will murder her in the act. He's very clear about this, he didn't think he could do it, at all, and only his sheer desperation that Bella never be turned, his desire to marry Bella, as well as Alice's thumbs up convinced him to do it.

If Bella was a reasonable person then she would have agreed as well. Sex with Edward, while she's human, is a bad idea. However, Bella never really seems to clue in on what vampires even are so I think the Man of Steel on Woman of Kleenex aspect is lost on her.

Had Alice not given the green light, I imagine Edward would have gone back to the drawing board and ended up either here or here. Bella turning is the worst possible outcome and Edward will risk almost anything, even Bella's death, to see it avoided.

But that doesn't mean it's an action he takes lightly.

He suggests pimping Bella out to Jake before he suggests sleeping with her himself. For Edward, this is a last resort.

More, Edward is a man of his time.

Edward was from an upper class family and, more to the point, still holds himself to the standards of the society he knew when human (much to Bella's amusement).

Edward wistfully talks about courting Bella, how he would have courted her had he been a true man in the time period he was familiar with, and why marriage to him is so very important.

That Edward doesn't seek out the approval of Charlie, Bella's father, is a hilarious aside to me. Edward's all about chivalry until all those old society standards get in his way.

What do you mean a gentleman doesn't sneak into a lady's apartments in the middle of the night to watch her slumber unawares?!

Regardless, marriage is extremely important to Edward, especially in the context of sex.

Edward will absolutely not have sex with a woman who is not first his wife. He also will not marry a girl that society defines as underage, he will wait until Bella's legal and probably until she finishes her primary schooling.

This means Edward was never likely to have sex with her before graduation and certainly not before her eighteenth birthday.

Which, at the earliest, puts her past the New Moon birthday bash.

Edward and Bella Do the Do Anyway

But let's pretend they do it anyway.

I'd say the most likely scenario is after the birthday disaster. This is it, Edward knows he is leaving Bella forever, if he is truly noble then he will never see her again.

Certainly, he will never interact with her nor hold her in his arms. To Edward, this is essentially his last true night on Earth.

So rather than pull a partial D.E.N.N.I.S. system, Edward pulls the full D.E.N.N.I.S. system, he initiates the "I" he was previously missing, "Inspire Hope". Or, in this case, get laid for the first and only time in his life.

He sneaks in through her window. They make beautiful, passionate, tepid love so Edward does not crush her in the act, and as she sleeps blissfully in the aftermath he sneaks back out the window to never be seen again.

(It takes Bella a week to admit that Edward just hit and run. The Cullens aren't coming back.)

However, because Edward didn't actually point blank tell her what was happening, rather than hit her New Moon stage of depression, Bella's instead in denial.

The Cullens are coming back. What, Carlisle has a new job? No, that can't be right, they're coming back. Alice would never leave her without a word. Edward would never leave her without a word.

Jessica pats Bella on the back consolingly and is secretly glad that it's not her. She might have been dumped by Edward Cullen, but at least he didn't humiliate her the way he did Bella Swan.

Leaving without a single word, yikes.

Two weeks go by then Bella gets the flu.

In a single day, she's unable to keep down anything. Huh, that's weird. Very quickly, Bella has her tampon epiphany. Bella is not a virgin, she had sex with Edward, she's late, and she appears to have a baby bump.

Bella is carrying Edward's child.

There is no question of aborting the child. This is Edward's child, the only piece she has left of him, even without Renesmee's gift it's ride or die. Bella is delivering this child even if it kills her.

However, she has some immediate issues.

First, she's visibly pregnant, it's been only two weeks. That's not supposed to happen. More, Charlie is bound to notice sooner rather than later, Bella would like to avoid that, the stigma of teen pregnancy, as well as the inhuman complications that are sure to come along.

Second, there's inhuman complications. Bella can't just go to an OBGYN, not even a town over. She's carrying something half human, a doctor will poke around and find that out, and then Bella's blowing the secret.

Bella knows vaguely of the Volturi at this point, but not the severity of the law, it's more that she promised Edward she would never tell a soul.

Plus, a human doctor wouldn't be able to help anyway.

That leaves vampires.

Bella tries to call/email the Cullens. However, thanks to Edward, all their numbers are disconnected and all their emails no longer exist. Her "Alice, help, I'm pregannant" messages are sent to a void.

(Alice, meanwhile, thinks she's finally successful in blocking visions of Bella. At least Edward will be off her back. Without the cliff diving and Jake, Alice does not assume Bella has died/committed suicide.)

A brief internet survey also yields Bella no results, but it does get her a lot of vampire porn. Thanks internet.

Bella... starts to get worried.

She's getting more and more pregnant in a matter of days, Charlie is starting to notice that she can't keep anything down, and the Cullens aren't taking her phone calls.

Then, Bella has it, she remembers that weird baroque painting Carlisle had of him and those Italian vampire dudes: the Volturi. Conveniently named after the city they live in, Volterra, Italy.

Bella debates her options.

Edward told her that these are the guys who make sure that humans who know the secret disappear. Well, Bella is a human who knows the secret, that's bad. Also bad is that they eat people, Bella is a person.

On the other hand, Edward implied these guys are civilized and friends of Carlisle. That's... good? Bella isn't sure she's on good terms with the Cullens, given the whole abrupt leaving thing, but maybe they don't have to know that.

Bella debates with herself, tries to look up the Denali, and only finds the National Park. She has no idea where these guys even live, or what they even look like besides "blonde hot vampire", and she's short on time. Plus, they are close with the Cullens, so the Cullens probably did tell them "Ew, Bella, No Gross, Do Not Want".

Because the Cullens all hate her now.

Bella has some money saved up, and this is probably a one way trip, and if she doesn't go then... well, it's not looking good. Bella musters up her courage, tells Charlie some outrageous fib to explain why she's disappearing off the face of the planet, and books a flight to Rome, then Pisa, then a bus ride to Volterra.

Bella subsists completely on blue gateorade, this doesn't go well, and she vomits blue in the parking lot.

Regardless, she makes it, huzzah she is in Volterra. It's sunny out and there are no vampires. Bella wanders around the city and looks for the most vampire building she can find.

Luckily, she happens to be right, and it's the very central castle. Well done, Bella.

Bella walks in and spots a vampire. She also spots a receptionist, Bella is very confused. Never the less, Bella says the magic words, "I'm a... friend of Carlisle Cullen?"

Even though Bella doesn't have Aro's name (or any of the other Volturi for that matter), Carlisle's name does the trick. Anyone who works for Aro knows that name.

Color Aro intrigued, he will meet this pregnant woman! (Caius, meanwhile, votes that they eat her immediately out of spite.)

Well, Aro touches her hand and lo and behold she's scarily gifted. And she knows Carlisle, what a great day to be Aro.

Aro explains that everything's totally fine with her knowing the secret, it just means they have to turn her eventually, after she gives birth of course.

Bella stares at him numbly and wonders why Edward made this such a big deal if it was that easy.

Aro insists Bella start from the beginning, as in the very beginning of her life. This is weird, but Bella complies.

An hour later they get to the interesting part: Bella meets Carlisle (and Edward Cullen, Aro guesses). Aro gets to hear the whole, sordid, ridiculous tale of Bella and Edward's romance including the part where he fucked her and ran off into the night.

Aro is stunned.

He first apologizes for the Cullens behavior, they should absolutely not have abandoned her, and not turning her was completely irresponsible (what the hell was Carlisle thinking?)

He then gives the bad news, he... has never heard of anything like this.

You see, normal vampires don't have sex with humans. It isn't done.

Also, there's this thing called Immortal Children (Edward tell you about that, no? Well, he probably thought it wasn't relevant). That thing your carrying might not be a child capable of growth but an insatiable monster.

Or it could be the alien from Aliens.

There's no way to tell, really.

BUT NO NEED TO WORRY, BELLA, THEY WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.

Aro promises Bella his protection and a period of observation for the child. Bella's not sure she likes that observation part, but this seems like a pretty sweet deal otherwise.

As for what to do, well, Aro has to call in the foremost vampire medical expert. Sorry, Bella, but there's only one man for the job.

Aro sends out Demetri to find Carlisle.

Demetri shows up on Carlisle's doorstep, "Carlisle, old friend, Aro has need of you. Your son knocked up a human girl."

Carlisle blinks, blinks again, then does a thousand yard stare. My God.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Edward is already on Victoria's tail. Carlisle tries to call him, to no avail, Edward isn't taking his phone calls.

Alice and Jasper are already on their trip to hunt down Alice's past. Plus, given the Volturi, they'd be unlikely to come anyway. Carlisle sends them a message.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett travel to Volterra to clean up Edward's mess.

And sure enough, there's Bella, very pregnant with a child that is very much not human. Carlisle dies inside, Rosalie's on a warpath that Edward would abandon his pregnant girlfriend to the point where the only place she could turn was human drinking vampires.

Rosalie takes it upon herself to leave Edward the world's angriest voice messages until he returns her phone calls.

Aro's delighted to see Carlisle again. Even if he does have a wife now. Also, Aro claims finders keepers for Bella, Carlisle's not happy about this and less happy that Aro points out that if Edward cared so much he wouldn't be absent right now, would he?

They figure out the blood drinking thing, Carlisle desperately raids a hospital to prevent Bella from being fed the leftovers of the Volturi victims. This likely doesn't work out for him.

At the last possible moment, Edward finally picks up his phone. He learns that all he's tried to accomplish failed spectacularly. Bella is pregnant with his demon child, is literally drinking blood, and is in Vampire HQ with the leader insisting she will be turned immediately after the C-section.

Edward races to Volterra and strides into the room demanding Bella be aborted and remain human.

Aro stares.

Carlisle awkwardly explains that Bella's too far along, it's too late now even if they wanted to, more she adamantly doesn't want to abort and never did.

As for Bella being human... Bella pipes in that she's cool on becoming the vampire part. Aro's a great guy. She then races to embrace Edward, he's come back, after all this time. And he's going to be a father, isn't that wonderful?

Edward loses his mind.

And because this is Edward, I have no idea what he'll do, only it'll be utter madness. This is my best guess.

To be a little more serious, he probably tries to abort the child anyway, he mercy kills Bella and the child, or Renesmee manages to get through to him.

Given canon, it's likely the latter. Bella is convinced that her and Edward's relationship is perfect.

Aro has no idea what to think of any of this.

[spockandawe]

Well, this is interesting! So, in that post yesterday, there was one line that really baffled me, a thing about people brushing off a character as an asshole “because he shows literally zero growth.” I kind of set that aside because it was such a weird non-sequitur, and guessed that it was just someone’s sentences not quite keeping up with their train of thought, which has happened to me many times. Apparently I was wrong! I already spent long enough on that one post, I’m tired of talking about that, but this is new and interesting. 

Okay. I kind of wanted to see if I could talk about this purely in terms of abstracts and not characters, but I don’t think it’ll work. It would be frustrating to write and confusing to read. It’s about Jiang Cheng. Right up front: This isn’t about whether or not he’s an abuser. Frankly, I don’t think it’s relevant. This also isn’t about telling people they should like him. I don't care whether anyone else likes him or not. But I do like him, and I am always fascinated by dissecting the reasons that people disagree with me. And the process of Telling Stories is my oldest hyperfixation I remember, which will become relevant in a minute.

I thought I had a good grasp on this one, you know? Jiang Cheng makes it pretty obvious why people would dislike Jiang Cheng. But then the posts I keep stumbling over were making weird points, culminating in that “literally zero growth” line.

So! What happened is that someone wrote up a post about how Jiang Cheng’s character arc isn’t an arc, it’s stagnation. It’s a pretty interesting read, and I broadly agree with the larger point! The points where I would quibble are like... the idea that it’s absolute stagnation, as opposed to very subtle shifts that still make a material difference. But still, cool! The post was also offered up as a reason why OP was uninterested in writing any more Jiang Cheng meta, which I totally get. I’m not tired of him yet, but I definitely understand why someone who isn’t a fan of his would get tired about writing about a character with a very static arc. Okay!

Now, internet forensics are hard. I desperately wish I had more information about this evolution, because I find this stuff fascinating, but I have no good way to find things said in untagged posts, reblogs, or private/external venues. But as far as I can tell, that “literally zero growth” wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it’s become fashionable for people to say that Jiang Cheng is an abusive asshole (that it’s fucked up to like) because he doesn’t have a character arc.

Asshole? Yes. Abusive? This post still isn’t about that. This is about it being fucked up to like this character because he did bad things and had a static character arc.

At first, that point of view was still deeply confusing to me. But I think I figured out the idea at the core of it, and now I’m only baffled. I’m not super interested in confirming this directly, because the people making the most noise about this have not inspired confidence in their ability to hold a civil conversation and I’m a socially anxious binch, but I think the idea is: ‘This character did Bad Things, and then did not improve himself.’

Which is alarmingly adjacent to that old favorite standard of ‘This piece of fiction is glorifying Bad Thing.’ I haven’t seen anyone accusing mxtx of something something jiang cheng, only the people who read/watched/heard the story and became invested in the Jiang Cheng character, but things kind of add up, you know?

Like I said, I don’t want to arbitrate anyone’s right to like/dislike Jiang Cheng. That’s such a fucking waste of time. But this is fascinating to me, because it’s like..... so obviously new and sudden, with such a clear originating point. I can’t speak to the Chinese fans, obviously, but exiledrebels started translating in... what, 2017? And only now, in 2021, do people start putting forth Jiang Cheng’s flat character arc as a “reason” that he’s bad? I’m not going to argue if he pings you in the abuse place, I’m not a dick. I’m not going to argue if you just dislike his vibes. I’m just over here on my blog and in the tag enjoying myself, feel free to detour around me. But oh my god, it’s so silly to try to tell other people that they shouldn’t like him because he has a static character arc.

I want to talk about stories. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to say, because it’s impossible to make broad, sweeping statements, because there are stories about change, there are stories about lack of change, there are all kinds of media that can be used to tell stories, and standards for how stories are told and what they emphasize vary across cultures and over time. But I think that what I can say is that telling a story requires... compromise. It requires streamlining. Trying to capture all the detail of life would slow down most stories to an unbearable degree. Consider organically telling someone ‘I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’ versus the computer science exercise of having students describe, step by step, how to make one (spread peanut butter? but you never said you opened the lid)

Hell, I’ve got an example in mdzs itself. The largely-faceless masses of the common people. If someone asks you to think about it critically like, yes, obviously these are people, living their own lives, with their own desires, sometimes suffering and dying in the wake of the novel plot. But does the story give weight to those deaths? Or does it just gloss by? Yes, it references their suffering occasionally, but it is not the focus, and it would slow the story unbearably to give equal weight to each dead person mentioned. 

Does Wei Wuxian’s massacre get given the same slow, careful consideration as Su She’s, or Jin Guangyao’s? No, because taking the time to weigh our protagonist with ‘well, this one was a mother, and her youngest son had just started walking, but now he’s going to grow up without remembering her face. that one only became an adult a few months ago, he still hasn’t been on many night-hunts yet, but he finds it so rewarding to protect the common people. oh, and this one had just gotten engaged, but don’t worry, his fiancee won’t mourn him, because she died here as well.’ And continuing on that way to some large number under 3000? No! Unless your goal is to make the reader feel bad for cheering for a morally grey hero, that would be a bad authorial decision! The book doesn’t ignore the issue, it comes up, Wei Wuxian gets called out about all the deaths he’s responsible for, but that’s not the same as them being given equal emotional weight to one (1) secondary character, and I don’t love this new thing where people are pretending that’s equivalent.

When Wei Wuxian brutally kills every person at the Wen supervisory office, are you like ‘holy shit... so many grieving families D:’ or are you somewhere between vindicated satisfaction and an ‘ooh, yikes’ wince? Odds are good you’re somewhere in the satisfaction/wince camp, because that’s what the story sets you up to feel, because the story has to emphasize its priorities (priorities vary, but ‘plot’ and ‘protagonist’ are common ones, especially for a casual novel read like this)

Now, characters. If you want to write a story with a sweeping, epic scale, or if you want to tightly constrain the number of people your story is about, I guess it’s possible to give everyone involved a meaningful character arc. Now.... is it always necessary? Is it always possible? Does it always make sense? No, of course not. If you want to do that, you have to devote real estate to it, and depending on the story you want to tell, it could very possibly be a distraction from your main point, like the idea of mxtx tenderly eulogizing every single character who dies even incidentally. Lan Qiren doesn’t get a loving examination of his feelings re: his nephews and wei wuxian and political turnover in the cultivation world because it’s not relevant, and also, because his position is pretty static until right near the end of the story. Lan Xichen is arguably one of the most static characters within the book, he seems like the same nice young between Gusu and the present, right up until... just before the end of the story.

You may see where I’m heading with this.

Like, just imagine trying to demand that every important character needs to go through a major life change before the end of your book or else it didn’t count. This just in, Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg go through multiple novels without experiencing radical shifts in who they are, stop liking them immediately. I do get that the idea is that Jiang Cheng was a ~bad person~ who didn’t change, but asdgfsd I thought we were over the handwringing over people being allowed to like ““bad”” fictional characters. The man isn’t even a canonical serial killer, he’s not my most problematic fave even within this novel.

And here is where it’s a little more relevant that I would quibble with that original post about Jiang Cheng’s arc. He’s consistently a mean girl, but he goes from stressed, sharp-edged teenager, to grief-stricken, almost-destroyed teen, to grim, cold young adult (and then detours into grim, cold, and grief-stricken until grief dulls with time). He does become an attentive uncle tho. He..... doesn’t experience a radical change in his sense of self, which... it’s...... not all that strange for an adult. And bam, then he DOES experience a radical change, but the needs of the plot dictate that it’s right near the end. And he’s not the focus of the story, baby, wangxian is. He has the last few lines of the story, which nicely communicate his changes to me, but also asdfafas we’re out of story. He was never the main character, it’s not surprising we don’t linger! The extras aren’t beholden to the needs of plot, but they’re also about whatever mxtx wanted to write, and I guess she didn’t feel like writing about Jiang Cheng ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But also. Taking a step backward. Stable characters can fill a perfectly logical place in a story. Like, look at Leia Organa. I’m not saying she has no arc, but I am saying that she’s a solid point of reference as Luke is becoming a jedi and Han is adjusting his perspective. I wouldn’t call her stagnant, the vibes are wrong, but she also isn’t miserable in her sadness swamp, the way Jiang Cheng is.

Or, hell, look at tgcf. The stagnant, frozen nature of the big bad is a central feature of the story. The bwx of now is the bwx of 800 years ago is the bwx of 1500+ years ago. This is not the place for a meta on how that was bad for those around him and for him himself, but I have Thoughts about how being defeated at the end is both a thing that hurts him and relieves him. Mei Nianqing is a sympathetic character who’s also pretty darn static. Does Ling Wen have a character arc, or do we just learn more about who she already is and what her priorities always were? I’m going to cut myself off here, but a character’s delta between the beginning of a story and the end of a story is a reasonable way to judge how interesting writing character meta is, and is a very silly metric to judge their worth, and even if I guessed at what the basic logic is, for this character, I am still baffled that it’s being put forth as a real talking point.

(also, has it jumped ship to any other characters yet? have people started applying it in other fandoms as well? please let me know if this is the case, I am wildly curious)

(no, but really, if anyone is arguing that bwx is gross specifically because he had centuries to self-reflect and didn’t fix himself, i am desperate to know)

And finally. The thing I thought was most self-evident. Did I post about this sometime recently? If a non-central character experiences a life-altering paradigm shift right near the end of the story (without it being lingered over, because non-central character), oh my god. As a fic writer? IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE. This is the most fertile possible ground. If I want to write post-canon canon-compliant material, adsgasfasd that’s where I’m going to be looking. Okay, yeah, the main couple is happy, that’s good. Who isn’t happy, and what can I do about that? Happy families are all alike, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, etc.

It’s not everyone’s favorite playground, but come on, these are not uncommon feelings. And frankly, it’s starting to feel a little disingenuous when people act like fan authors pick out the most blameless angel from the cast and lavish good things upon them. I’m not the only one who goes looking for a good dumpster fire and says I Live Here Now. If I write post-canon tgcf fic, it’s very likely to focus on beef and/or leaf. I have written more than one au focusing on tianlang-jun.

And, hilariously. If the problem with Jiang Cheng. Is that he is a toxic man fictional character who failed to grow on his own, and is either unsafe or unhealthy to be around. If the problem is that he did not experience a character arc. If these people would be totally fine with other people liking him, if he improved himself as a person. And then, if authors want to put in the (free! time-consuming!) work of writing that character development themselves. You would think that they would be lauded for putting the character through healthier sorts of personal growth than he experienced in canon. Instead, I am still here writing this because first, I was bothered by these authors being named as “freaks” who are obsessed with their ‘uwu precious tsundere baby’ with a “love language of violence,” and then I was graciously informed that people hate Jiang Cheng because he experiences no character growth.

[cartoonsaint]

I'm loving your thoughts on the hlvrai characters! Can i ask your thoughts on Forzen for the ask game?

YEA I FUCKING LOVE FORZEN HE'S SO FUNNYYYYY also i love that they had scorpy double up sjfdljasdf like rtvs is a pretty big crew they couldn't find?? ONE other person?????

FAV CANON TRAIT: alright so there's lots of ways to interpret forzen and i know that "someThing like benrey" & "old enough to be shipped with other characters" are popular but they're not my favorite bc taking him at face value is just. so amusing to me. SO my fave trait is: he just wants to graduate!!!!!

sure maybe he's an older student but my first thought was 'COLLEGE??? this man's a BOY?????' like i am a year out from 30 (yay!) and let me tell you there's leagues of difference between who a person is at 20 vs a decade later. 20 is a KID. he's only just stepping into adulthood and he's fucking HERE, at black mesa? not just in the military (YIKES, not good for anyone, but the draw of a college education and upward mobility can be really tempting) but in the middle of an alien invasion?? and then his entire team dies and he STILL puts himself directly at odds against the bizarro super murderous science team??? and then has the guts to fucking try to talk his way out of it with BEYBLADES, and that WORKS???? and then he somehow kidnaps the immortal dog of the most murderous guy on the team (who also was the one most swayed by said beyblades) and has the chance to try to negotiate for himself... only he can't even articulate what it is that he wants?????????? honey u could have just gone home. the military's dead and gone man i don't think they're all that concerned about ur college education rn

this young man's only got a fraction of an idea of what's going on, but dammit he's got guts and he's gonna give it his all anyways!!... and then his all goes so, so badly. god, how silly. how wonderful. unstoppable object but it has no idea what direction it's supposed to be going so it just goes in circles and doesn't end up doing any damage whatsoever.

LEAST FAV CANON TRAIT: why why WHY does he speak french. he's canonically the last surviving member of the UNITED STATES military, not canada's so why does he speak french why would he do it in the middle of a hostage situation why pLEASE

FANON PET PEEVE: this is not quite a pet peeve but i do laugh every time i see it: there seems to be a lot of post canon domestic-y art that just... ignores him? forgets him? actively excludes him? like the whole crew will be there, the science team and benrey and sunkist and the g-man and darnold, and everyone's alllllll happy and together and forzen is just. never even mentioned, at all

why?? cuz he was a boot boy? benrey is some kinda effed up space god thing, bubby sold gordon out to the military, coomer tried to kill him with 300 clones, the g-man fucked around with gordon's life for the sake of his son's bday party. they've all done terrible things but they all get to be part of a happy, hopeful ending. and all we know for certain that forzen did is be part of a truly shitty organization (and, um, hold a dog hostage... but come on, sunkist was in no real danger), which to me doesn't seem like enough to exclude him from like. a future with happiness?

post canon domestic stories are about forgiveness, aren't they? they're about making up for what happened and finding common ground? about learning and becoming better people? forzen, ex-military ex-dognapper and outside of the hell that was Black Mesa, lost in life and probably never gonna graduate now, running into the group of people he'd expect to hate him most... only to find that he's actually welcome? that's a story i'd love to hear, is all.

also i think it's so easy to be funny with him. pleeeeeeeeease please use him more please i've never asked before <3