#that's just my take though -- everything you said is still a completely valid and well-thought theory!! so thank you for sharing it with me

[goingbuggy]

I loved your idea for film blue & reading your response reminded me of a theory I have about the shuggy dynamic & since I love your meta I'd love your take.

Do you think Oda is trying to imply that the Shuggy fallout is not only a personal loss, but a loss for the world as a whole? There's a lot of talk lately about Shanks' personal failings with interpersonal skills & coincidentally that's where Buggy's strength lies.

In fact the Shuggy dynamic is sort of written in a way where they make up for what the others lack so I wonder if the miscommunication with them is also supposed to make us believe the world would've been better had they stuck together?

Buggy was the first of the two to recognize the danger with Blackbeard and it's when he isn't in Shanks life anymore that Blackbeard was able to hurt him. Buggy didn't rise up in the world until way later in life despite his charisma, but Shanks did fairly quickly. We can see how Buggy being a warlord/emperor is setting into motion big events at a seemingly quicker pace than Shanks ever did (intentional or not). Imagine if they had set out as co leaders way back when? Would Shanks be as passive or would Buggy's ambition & anxiety push him to be more proactive in whatever it is he's supposed to do on behalf of Roger.

With the anime finally animating the loguetown breakup/fallout and to be reminded of Buggy being pushed to reclaim his dreams because Shanks is also heading for the One Piece I'm starting to think Oda is writing them as a delayed destiny type of thing. That they were always supposed to carry on Roger's will together & the biggest mistake of the past is anyone thinking only one of Roger's apprentices was supposed to be his heir so to speak. They were supposed to be a team not rivals.

Last thing I want to bring up is how Luffy keeps being put in Shanks' shoes when it comes to his crew except where Shanks failed Luffy didn't. The Usopp conflict in Water 7/Eneis Lobby especially plays like a 2nd Shanks & Buggy fall out to me.

Not only are Buggy & Usopp both extremely insecure in their own power, but they too interpreted their friends words/actions as a slap to the face. However Luffy was able & willing to do the work to close the distance between his Nakama & resolve the miscommunication while Shanks just...gave up essentially. Being not only an example of how Luffy can do what Shanks never could, but also the new generation succeeding where the last one failed. I can't help but think when we learn Shanks & Buggy's history Oda intends for us to think about this parallel and view it as mistake.

So I wouldn't be surprised if we got at least one more reunion between Shuggy & when we do they come to this realization that they have a chance to correct the mistakes of the past and team up for something significant in terms of plot. That their destiny's lie with eachother not against.

thoughts?

I think this is the first time someone has sent me an ask that's not anonymous. This made me really happy, so thank you, and hi!

Is "I agree and disagree" a proper answer? I don't know. I think you're right in that the "evolved" (emotionally mature, post character-growth) versions of Shanks and Buggy could have accomplished a lot together. But that's just it -- in order to evolve, you have to start somewhere. It's like expecting Luffy to still be able to protect his crew the way he does now without going through the tragedy at Sabaody and Marineford. Shanks and Buggy were always fated to part, because they needed to grow separately to meet back up again as true and equal counterparts. To change, you've got to experience things that make you realize you need to change.

I think there is a world where Buggy would've followed Shanks and been on his crew, but in that world, he also would've never addressed the root of his problem: his own insecurity. He needed to go out on his own to find himself. "Would Shanks be as passive?" "Would Buggy's ambition and anxiety push him to be more proactive in whatever it is he's supposed to do on behalf of Roger?" The questions you're asking are insightful and fun thought experiments, but in my opinion, a narrative impossibility. Loguetown Buggy would never follow a Shanks that fell back on Laughtale, and Loguetown Shanks will always prioritize his idea of the "greater good." So when you say the world would be better "had they stuck together," I half-disagree, because I don't think this hypothetical world could ever exist. (Also, from an author's standpoint, it feels like cheating your way to the end without earning it -- bypassing all the juicy stuff about character writing, like the internal and external conflicts which push characters to change.)

However, the idea that they're destined to carry on Roger's legacy together is such a great idea -- I love that! It warms my heart. I've always viewed Roger's will as something split between Buggy and Luffy, but what you proposed is something I can totally get behind. And I could 100% see Oda going in that direction.

[bekolxeram]

I'm usually very block happy, but sometimes a couple of hot takes from the opposite side of the fandom manage to slip through. I'm no saint, I admit I do get quite worked up at first, but after some time, I realize they give me new perspectives to scenes I've watched countless times and discover things I didn't pick up before. So this one is for all of you, staunch Tommy haters, thank you for enriching my viewing experience.

In 7x04, when Tommy goes to Buck's loft to talk things out, this line gives some people the ick, because it echoes what Taylor said in 5x05. In that episode, Buck thought his team was off because they blamed him for Chimney leaving. He talked to Taylor about it, she shared her own experience with her boss being sulky around her, and it turned out her boss was just in a lot of physical pain, she ended the conversation with "maybe not everything is about you". While what she said was absolutely right, and she made an effort to make Buck feel appreciated at the end of the episode, but I can also see Buck not feeling supported emotionally at the time the conversation occurred. In a fashion true to her profession, Taylor delivered it in a very blunt, direct and advisory way. Her being right did not cancel out Buck feeling insecure about everyone acting weird around him and him not knowing why.

What Tommy says here though, is in a a completely different context.

Before all of this, Tommy has already reassured Buck that he's not trying to replace him, that his place in Eddie and Christopher's life is irreplaceable.

Look at Buck's smile, he's apparently in a better mood than before. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

So going in this next part, Buck is more receptive to what he frankly needs to hear: Eddie isn't hanging out with Tommy because Buck did something wrong, he just enjoys Tommy's company.

We've witnessed Buck's growth over 7 seasons, now he can recognize that getting jealous easily is one of his character flaws, he tends to overthink and make other's action personal when he's feeling insecure in a relationship. He's telling Tommy this probably to signal that he understands he messed up and he understands what he did wrong. He never expected Tommy to validate his feelings.

But Tommy does empathize with his predicament.

Buck doesn't understand what Tommy, the cool, confident (and hot) pilot would be jealous over. And he almost can't believe Tommy gets what he's been feeling.

Tommy tells Buck that he's envious of the ride-or-die familial bonds within the 118 nowadays, as if he didn't also put his career and life in danger just to save Athena and Bobby (probably Hen's career as well), after one phone call from Chimney.

Now it's Buck's turn to reassure Tommy.

Another hot take I've seen from the other side goes like "if Tommy was nicer to Hen and Chimney back in the days, he wouldn't have to be jealous over what the 118 has now". You know what? Judging by Tommy's face here, he probably would agree. This is not the face of a man who is proud of what he did. This is the face of a man who is burdened by guilt and regret, this is a man haunted by his past, this is a man who doesn't think he deserves the praise.

Buck even cites fake mouth static as an example of Tommy's effort in aiding the 118's clandestine rescue mission, and they naturally fall into a flirty dynamic. I have no explanation for that, except, your honor, this is exhibit A against the "no chemistry" allegation.

Buck then spells it all out for Tommy that he also put everything on the line just for the 118, without hesitation. Tommy looks like he still has a hard time accepting it as an act worthy of redemption for his past behavior.

We've all made mistakes, and we all know we can't go back to the past and change what we did, so the best way forward is to change ourselves and be better. Judging by Tommy's "and [Gerrard] didn't make me a better person" line in 7x10, he quite possibly reflected on this a lot. Yet, sometimes you still can't help but doubt yourself over if you've learned enough from your past, if you're a good enough person now. I can't imagine how good it feels hearing Buck say out loud that he actually likes the person Tommy is now.

Apparently Buck likes Tommy so much that he came up with excuses just to hang out with him and get to know him.

Tommy is pleasantly surprised, because he did tell Buck to call him when he wants to go up. In fact, Buck can call him for whatever reason, Tommy accepted the Harbor tour request, there's nothing indicating that he would feel weird just hanging out with Buck. Tommy just doesn't know how much of a overthinker and bi disaster Buck truly is yet, but that's the story for another time.

Buck and Tommy really don't know much, if anything, about each other at this stage, as you can see in 7x05, but they're already validating each other's feelings. We've seen Buck get his feelings ignored, hurt, dismissed and kind of fetishized for 6 seasons, now this is something he's been looking for the whole time, for someone to understand what he's going through. At the same time, this interaction must also be quite freeing for Tommy, who's been haunted by demons from his own past.

[kokusfluffyhair]

I Will Never Let You Go

Shishio Tsukasa x gn!Reader | SFW

You were the first person Tsukasa chose to revive once he got access to the cave of nitric acid. He could remember clearly where you should have been when the green light coated the earth. You were supposed to meet him at a cafe down the street from the gym he used to train at. Somehow, like an invisible string was guiding him through the map of the overgrown forest, he found himself to you.

Not being aware yet of the fact that using the nitric acid on petrified people had a healing effect, Tsukasa, having already pulverised multiple statues that weren't to his liking, nearly broke into tears seeing that you were all in one piece. The worst that had happened was that your lower body was submerged in the ground and that you were covered with moss.

Tsukasa carefully dug you up, taking the most precise attention to make sure he didn't accidentally damage you, and then cleaned you up before pouring some of the nitric acid over you. When the stone burying your body cracked and tumbled apart from your bare skin, the first thing you saw was Tsukasa kneeling in front of you. You were not even able to speak his name before you were taken into his arms and embraced as tightly as he could without choking you, wrapping you in his cloak against his bare chest.

"Are you well?" he asked you.

"Yes." You didn't hesitate to lean forward and press your lips to his.

Tsukasa almost gasped as you kissed him, but he quickly fell comfortable and returned the gesture to you. He was an awkward kisser, inexperienced but passionate, and his plush lips held a tender softness you couldn't imagine receiving from anyone else.

He gave you his cloak until he could find more suitable clothing for you, protectively folding and tying it around your naked body as if to shield it from the eyes of any others. The two of your were completely alone. No one else was in sight, however for Tsukasa even the eyes of a stray monkey hanging from a tree was one pair too many to gaze upon what was his.

When Tsukasa brought you to the shelter he had stole from Senku, he explained the situation to you and told you about his plans. As all who were revived from the petrification, you were shocked to hear that you were over three thousand years in the future, living in this primitive, uninhabited (so you thought) world. To Tsukasa's relief, you agreed with his dreams. Having come from a poor family where it was difficult to make ends meet to pay rent and buy food, the thought of a world free from that was like a godsend.

And you knew, no matter what the state of the world, that Tsukasa would protect you. He gave you his word long before the green light froze you in place on your way to the cafe, and his promise still stood valid thousands of year later. He was your best friend and your dearest love, even though Tsukasa's shyness left the two of you not yet having become more intimate than hugs and the occasional kiss. But you felt that it was only a matter of time before your relationship would become even closer than it was before.

"Y/n," Tsukasa said that evening as you were watching the sunset together from a high cliff. "When I build my empire, you and I will rule together to bring mankind to a purer civilisation." Although his face remained stoic, there was a slight upwards twist at the corners of his mouth. "Everything we make together from now on will be a paradise world just for us." His eyes glistened softly with pride. "Will you embark on this journey with me?"

"Of course." The answer was simple and not a single fibre in your body questioned your decision.

Tsukasa seemed to know what your response would be, but he needed to hear it with his own ears. He turned to face you, took your hand into both of his, and gently raised it to his lips. Closing his eyes, he kissed the back of your hand and lowered his forehead to the same place he had touched with his lips.

"No matter what, it will always be you and me together," he said and rose his forehead. His long, thick eyelashes separated from each other as he calmly opened his eyes to look at you. "Even if we somehow live another thousand years, I will never have anyone but you stand by my side."

[gl1tchr]

loved your riddler rant, you should do more. for the most part i agree but i wanna ramble too and see what you think

my thing with Dano Riddler is that i think it maybe started with selfless genuine intentions, at least as selfless as any riddler character could manage to be. but because he kept digging and digging and uncovering more, without anyone listening to him in the process mind you, that’s when all the already fragile trust for literally anyone shattered completely, and his delusional mind saw everyone as a threat and corrupted. the whole city needed a reboot, a fresh start

and the ones he still saw as innocent he probably just believed in his twisted mind that he would be doing them a favor, risking their death, but death would be a mercy compared to being in this godforsaken city

yes most was selfish revenge, but i still think there’s a small part of him that seriously believed he was doing “good” and was thinking of other kids. we see that written in his journal too, which wasn’t for public it was purely him to himself, so i think that was some genuine intentions there.

also eh…ahh the trauma part a little rocky, like I understand what you mean there’s absolutely guys like that (😪), but this edward’s self loathing comes from a genuine place of trauma and mental illness it’s not just the attention seeking aspect of “oh woe is me i suuuuck boo hoo” it’s actual implied bpd, ocd, intrusive thoughts whatever else.

not at all saying the trauma + mental illness list cancels his self-centeredness or anything out btw, yes he’s still very much selfish and wants attention and it’s especially heightened once the riddler persona comes out to play. it just felt like you were undermining it slightly, when depth+trauma was an explicitly stated focal point of his character (imo if that’s what they were going for, which again it was, the movie itself could’ve done better to show this. cuz yeah oof i understand casual viewers seeing the surface level “oh, he’s just another dumb villain who’s crazy purely for the sake of crazy 😐” but at least Paul Dano made a great comic. anyway slightly different tangent lol)

idk i might be wrong. that’s just my brief, summed up-ish interpretation. again though love and respect your take, would love to hear more.

Oh nono all of this can be extremely true in tandem with everything I said as well! That's the complex part of mentally ill characters that people love to muddy so badly is the line between the deliberate and the subconscious. Edward is DEEPLY troubled, I would argue the Most out of any Riddler save for maybe one or two other interpretations and he is a victim of the system before anything else, and many of his intentions to him and generally absolutely may have been good ones at the start. But as with any Riddler, he can only be "fixed" [in his eyes] by being validated, being seen. And this is what tells us the things Edward does because he's hurting inside versus the things he does because he actually has some more selfish and ill-intentioned motives. HE'S SO DEEPLY LAYERED AND RICH AND I LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS HIS PREDECESSORS

[chaithetics]

coming back to your blog to re-reading for 700th time and i see the recent reblog or arian um HELLO??????? i’m gonna cry imagine reader coming into his office for lunch and seeing him stressed so she starts teasing him about his glasses and standing behind him to just bring him peace because that’s what their mere presence does to each other yeah my soul will not rest all i think about is your stewy 😵‍💫

Glasses

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x Roy (f) reader (can be gn though - no descriptions)

Word count: 1.6K

Content/chapter warning: 18+ MDNI! stress, fluff, implied spice. Pretty easygoing for a Succession fic!

Authors note: lovely, I am so, so, so, so sorry for how long this one has taken! Please forgive me I absolutely love and adore you! Please let me know what you think bestie, I am so, so, so flattered that you've read my fics so many times! I really loved this prompt so than you so much!

I'm so sorry for how long it took for another Stewy piece to get finished. Everything has been so busy lately, I hope you all enjoy and please do let me know what you think! Comments, reblogs and asks are always appreciated! I live for validation. This has also not been beta or proof read. I hope you all enjoy!

Omg I'm so anxious!!!!

***********

It was a cool, early Wednesday afternoon and you were walking into the Maesbury Capital office. You'd had a rather good day today, it had been the perfect amount of busy, you hadn't been overwhelmed but you certainly weren't underwhelmed, you thought to yourself yes you can be whelmed, Chastity. I'm perfectly whelmed right now. You reminisced a little over that iconic movie for a few seconds as you were perfectly whelmed. 

Wednesdays had become your favourite day of the business week. You'd take a longer lunch break and it had become routine for you and Stewy to have lunch together. You knew he'd had a particularly busy week, which said a lot as the man was always busy, so you'd made sure to get some of those sickly sweet pastries and doughnuts he fancied. Stewy and stress often led to an indulged sweet tooth. 

Once you step out of the elevator you walk towards his office, the floor is relatively quiet which isn't too much of a surprise for this time of day. You know it's because of people being out for lunch or in meeting rooms for lunch/just after lunch meetings. You polite smile at the few faces you see before you walk into Stewy's office. 

You can see him through the glass walls of his office, sitting at his desk completely focused on work. Normally he would've noticed you coming in by now and you would've seen that handsome face light up. 

“Hey, Stewy?” You ask softly as you push open the door and walk towards him as he sits at his desk. 

“Yeah?” He asks softly and gently, his focus is still on the screen and he doesn’t look up. His attention is fully still on his work. He's wearing his glasses and he pushes them up the bridge of his nose as he looks down at some papers that he's printed that are now on the desk. He looks more tense than usual, and the soft tone lacking playfulness is a stark contrast to his usual irrepressibly teasing nature.

“I was just wondering, who’s the hottie in the specs?” You ask with a large smirk. 

You're hoping a bit of playful teasing will help coax him out of the ball of stress he's rolled himself into. You smile at how it's a bit of a sharp parallel to the usual dynamics in your relationship, he's normally the playful one. 

Your teasing catches his attention enough to distract him from whatever is on his screen, he looks up at you with raised eyebrows, the stress is more evident in his expression now, he pointedly exhales as he pushes the frames back up again slightly with his index finger. 

He doesn't often wear the glasses, much to your chagrin. They suit him so well and do something else to you… You've noticed that he's always adjusting them, you think it must be because he's not used to it. It doesn't feel quite right on hid face, and you imagine it's worse because of how overworked and stressed he is right now. 

“Here I was, thinking you weren’t malevolent like the rest of the Roy clan.” He says it somewhat dryly as he rubs his brow, once again shifting his focus back to whatever the cause of stress is. You can tell he’s trying to add some humour for your sake but he’s clearly too worked up to fully commit to it. 

“Hey.” You place down the bag of food and walk over to where he’s seated at his desk. You stand behind him and lean down to rest your chin on his shoulder and wrap your arms around him. “I like the glasses. They look good. You look good. Really good." You speak as gently and genuinely as you can, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek where his perfectly trimmed facial hair tickles your lips. 

“How commodious that they’re exclusively aesthetic.” He dryly teases. 

They’re not. A fact that he knows you’re well aware of. 

"You've always been a men's fashion icon, my love." You say softly, starting to run one hand through his hair. It's not as slicked back, it's looking more natural, you know he must've done some stress tousling it while thinking. You don't say anything about it, you just play with his hair trying to relax him a little. 

He closes his eyes and let's out a small little chuckle. 

“What’s going on?” You ask before you press another gentle kiss down to his shoulder. 

“Just this fucking asinine portfolio review- it’s giving me a headache.” He sighs, leaning further into your hold. You nod and tilt your head to place some soft gentle kisses to his neck and shoulder. 

“Let’s get you some water honey.” You whisper, giving him another kiss and a gentle squeeze before walking over to the drinks cart in his office and pouring him a glass of water. 

"Water on the rocks?" He asks a little playfully as he watches you. 

"Yes… And it's extra strong. All the good stuff. Now drink." You tease back as you give him the glass and lean against the desk watching him. 

"You know that social phenomenon of women being told they're too pretty to cry? Or they look angry or upset and would look better if they smiled?" You ask, he nods. "If they did that to men, the phrase would be you're too cute to be this stressed." He chuckles at that and his eyes have a playful twinkle which makes you smile. It's what you were hoping for. 

"And I can say for a fact that you're far too smart to say such silly things." He teases as he finishes the glass of water. 

"Yes, you're not wrong. But normally my dear lover makes up for my lack of flair for silliness." You smile and he playfully rolls his eyes at that. 

You hug him and give him a soft kiss on the lips. Stewy squeezes your hand softly and rubs his thumb around your hand, it's a small, sweet comforting gesture. You're not sure who it's relaxing more though. 

He presses another soft kiss to your lips, and it's perfectly cozy and enveloping. You kiss hum back lovingly and once you two stop he presses his forehead softly against yours. You stay there for a moment, now practically sitting in his lap while he sits on his office chair. 

"Have you eaten yet, Stew?" You whisper. He shakes his head. 

"No, but I could eat you." He says matter of factly and you can't help but laugh a little and your cheeks heat up at that. "What? Don't laugh! You're already making me feel better, imagine how much better I'd feel if I got a proper taste of you." He playfully teases in a low voice, watching you with a devilish smirk. 

"I have sugar." You say softly as you play with his hair. 

"You're better than sugar. And carbohydrates. You know that right? And sugar is a miracle so that says a lot" He says as he leans into your touch more. 

"Someone's awfully romantic today. Maybe you should drunk water more often." You quip as you continue playing with his hair, you feel his breath against your face as he chuckles at that and nods. 

"If you insist, your request is my command after all." He teases and kisses your neck. 

"What if I told you to wear the glasses more often?" You ask.

"Really?" He asks surprised. You nod and hum in affirmation. "Of all the things in the world, that money could easily be blown on but no. It's the glasses?" He teases. 

"They're something else, you're something else Stew." You say with a small laugh. 

"No, you're something else." He says with a genuine smile, his warm brown eyes are looking at you in absolute adoration but the playful glimmer is more prominent now compared to how the stress had wiped that out earlier. 

"There's one of those ridiculously sugared up doughnuts in the bag." You say with a smirk. 

Stewy's eyebrows quickly raise up at that and he leans slightly over to the desk, still keeping one hand gently but firmly on your back. He gets the doughnut and offers you a bite and then starts to eat it. 

"Best thing baked for humanity's taste buds ever. Nothing will ever taste this good, you know? Except for well you of course." He says and you laugh at that, caressing his cheek a little. "God, you're just tempting me, tempting me in the office you know?" He teases and you laugh. 

You two sit like that, talking for the rest of the hour, he becomes a bit more relaxed, you can see the tension leaving his body with each minute, each word and each kiss. 

Stewy drinks some more water, he eats some more food and eventually you both have to get back to your busy days unfortunately. 

You give him a soft loving kiss on the lips and he smiles up at you. 

"I'll see you tonight, love." You say softly. 

"I'll still be wearing the glasses." He smugly promises.

"Aren't I the luckiest person in the whole world?" You ask with a smirk as your cheeks heat up at the thought. 

"I don't mean to make this a competition because as you know, I don't have a competitive bone in my body," he teases. "But actually, I'm the luckiest person for getting you. You're a real dream babe." He says with a playful but adoring smirk. 

[asherloki]

heyy, i saw that ur requests were open, but that was like 2 weeks ago so idk if its still valid, but if they are; i was thinking abt this quote i saw on pinterest:

“you cant love someone unless you love yourself first. bullshit. i have never loved myself, but you, oh god, i loved you so much i forgot what hating myself feels like”

with sherlock who is COMPLETELY smitten with reader and views them as his safe space from insufferable people and unsolvable cases

if u consider this or even write this thank you in advance <3 (thank u anyways tho bc ur work is so good like?? bruh gimme some writing skills IM BEGGING)

anways, bye <3

"My sunshine"

Bbc Sherlock

A/n:- ohho it was lovely ! Even though I'm sorry for the writing quality, I've been busy and lacking creativity, hope you still like it.

"do you like it?" asked the detective while handing me a box packed nicely. He had a real busy day running around the city with Scotland yard officers, especially with lestrade, accompanied by John.

"what is it?" I enquired taking the box from him. I still remember the day we first met. The night was cold and I met his lovely landlady Mrs Hudson. She was friendly enough to invite me over tea at her place and my curiosity led me to meet her famous tenant. Mr Sherlock Holmes. The urge to share the flat with this junkie detective got on me for some reason. Everything about his flat fascinated where anyone would say his flat is unbearable. His cold lifeless flat, as he describes so, was somehow comforting to him. Then with his approval and with my family's permission as well, I moved in to Baker Street as his flatmate. 221b was closer to my office so it was an advantage in convincing my family to let me shift to Baker Street. Since then I've seen two sides of Sherlock. One, the side everyone knows, the analytical cold detective. And two, the side which is revealed to very few people, luckily for me being one of them. Living so close to him taught me he has a soft side. The one that's like a goofy child. The one who sits infront me while I paint just staring at the painting to be done with fascination in his eyes. The one that takes a brush from my set that I'm not using at that moment and starts to draw patterns on a crumbled paper, one of those which contained a case which was still unsolved and bugged him.

"open it, I just hope you like it." replied he, With, what I believe to be a bit nervousness in his voice, yet also a bit of excitement. So I giggled at his childishness and opened the box. To my delight it was a chocolate muffin. A big one, loaded with chocolate chips.

"oh gosh my favourite muffin!" I could barely hold my excitement to me. Turning to him I saw a wide smile spreading accross his lips what was alot like a relief.

"yes, it's yours, I hope it tastes good too" said the man who was perhaps more than ten years older than me, not perhaps, he was alot older than me. But it never felt so, he was still a goofy kid somehow.

"ofcourse it'll be, where's yours?" he must've bought for himself as well I presumed. And a lovely evening with tea and our muffins was on my mind, oh not to forget, the exciting stories he is yet to tell.

"m-mine?" he stuttered, as if him having bought a muffin for himself was out of question.

"yes yours, don't tell me you bought a tasty big muffin for me and not for yourself, how could you resist?" seriously, how could he resist the urge to get his hands on such a precious thing.

"I.." he trailed off, as if he was confused, "didn't think about getting one for me actually".

These are the kind of replies that makes me wanna wrap him in my arms. This man never thought anything good for himself, never got anything good for himself. But I couldn't just have it on my own. The box contained the store name and address, which is far away, perhaps somewhere near his case led him to. So going there and buying another was out of question, but this muffin was big enough, and sharing is always an option.

"you know what?" I spoke, regaining some enthusiasm, "how about some tea?"

"that sounds wonderful" that's it, that's the reply I wanted to hear before going to the kitchen. I took out our cups and Mrs Hudson was always there to bring us a kettle filled with tea.

Sherlock took his chair and sat while I sat on one beside his. I placed our cups while he poured the tea.

"we forgot the biscuits, I'll get them give me minute." he was getting up from his chair when I interrupted.

"no need" looking at him I saw his baffled expressions again. Honestly Sherlock, enough baffling for one day. "sit down, I have something better".

He sat yet he was utterly confused, Even more not less when he saw me taking out the muffin and cutting it into half. Smart detective knew the other half belongs to him, or I want so.

"here, have something better than regular biscuits" saying so with a smile I passed the plate with his part of the muffin closer to him.

"but... that.." he stuttered again, "that was for you" after a pause he finally formed the sentence.

"yes, which means I can do anything I want with it."

He kept on looking at me and with a soft nod took a piece in his spoon. Then slowly he took the piece in. I could see his expression changing again while he munched that piece of muffin, into something that indicated if he were someone else he could've shaded a drop of tear or two.

"hey" I said pating his shoulder and keeping my palm on it, "what happened?"

He raised his face so his eyes were staring into mine, but there was barely any intensity in his eyes at that moment. there was, what I presume is sadness. He finally inhaled a deep breath before speaking up,

"I have..." he paused, he was collecting words I was sure of it, "I've never considered myself as someone who deserves anything good."

His word, about himself, it's devastating he thinks so little about himself.

"what are you talking about?" baffled, I was puzzled way too much to figure out what was going inside him, imagine a man like him is unable to see anything good in him. "Sherlock, please, you literally save hundreds of lives".

"I have also shot one"

"to save john, your best friend".

He looked around as if trying to find more proof against him.

"Sherlock?" I called him softly, as he turned his face to me I got up from my chair and to his utter surprise, embraced him, rather his head, leaning it on my chest. His body turned stiff, apparently he didn't expect a hug.

"you're the best and the most wisest man people have ever seen, and the kindest and the most innocent person I've ever had the opportunity to know".

His stiffness lessened with these words and finally he let himself fall into my arms, fall into my embrace, unknowingly I also leaned on him. My cheek touching his curls. His rather soft curls.

"you're saying this?" he asked with such joy and surprise in his voice.

"yes ofcourse, why not". I waited for a reply, it took him time but finally he said,

"because you've always been the sunshine for me. Since the day you've entered in my life, since I've got to know you. my work was all I knew but for some reason I longed to come home at night to you. I always saw you as someone whom I don't deserve, who's too good for me, too young for me. So I just enjoyed every second we are together, fir one day you may choose someone to love and move out. I tried to do every little thing that could bring you happiness. I was so lost, with you I found my way. But I won't demand anything from you, because I believe someone young, handsome a better person should be with you".

I couldn't believe, but I had to, it was all real, his words, his feelings, him.

"you never said you think of me so highly" I whispered.

"that's why I was broken everytime I saw you with a guy, but I was way more broken when I saw you shedding tears for them leaving you, how could someone like you be someone's second choice when to me you're not just the first or only choice but my whole being knows you're the right choice, a bit too right I was afraid to ever consider myself as your lover, I didn't dare to think of anyone else since I laid my eyes on you, I never chose anyone, no matter how smart, attractive or lovely they were, because now I see, I was supposed to choose you, I got so utterly devoted to you that I don't remember myself anymore. I only know you."

"Sherlock " I whispered his name while slowly letting his head go, I sat in my chair and wondered how beautiful his feelings are that neither his nor my eyes could hold a drop of tear from falling down. "now it's my turn then, I've barely been ever treated this well as you've confessed yourself, I've barely been completely understood. do you think, this immature, little less intelligent, day dreamer flatmate of yours is worthy of you?"

I knew it'd be enough to overwhelm him if he really thought so highly of me and it did. He didn't stop his tears this time, he immediately embraced me and we both cried silently while embracing eachother until his warm voice was heard saying, "then I guess we are actually worthy of eachother ".

I giggled, yes we are. absolutely yes.

"yes, I'll keep you happy ".

"and I'll treat you well."

Tag list :- @astudyinlaura @selcouthangel @a-victorian-girl @callsign-sunshine

If anyone wants to be in my taglist then let me know!

[a-decent-human-being5]

My Thoughts and Opinions on all the Season One Drawtectives Witnesses Because I Just Finished Rewatching it

(Spoilers under the cut btw)

Buzz: Yeah his design is adorable the drawtectives are completely valid to just melt the second he comes on screen. I adore his voice and the fact that he doesn’t really talk that much, very fun contrast with the cute design. His crush on Dr. Fontaine is also incredibly cute glad they got to sit next to each other at Huck E. Heese. Wish I could eat some of his food but that’s kinda how I feel about all fictional chefs cause I like good food.

Don Jovi: What a name. I remember when I first watched the show I didn’t like him very much because he was the first witness to say “well you gotta earn the clue about the murder” but all things considered they’re chill. I don’t have many thoughts on them though other than the fact that it’s funny how even he finds the crew’s love for Buzz to be a bit much.

Avis Smythe: He obviously didn’t do it but I absolutely feel like he would kill for his son, even though he doesn’t actually know his age lol. Idk he just defends Ogalvy as a good kid so much, despite how blatantly obvious of a troublemaker he is, that I absolutely could see him killing for him if it came to that. Which brings me to yeah in terms of being a good dad he probably should set more boundaries but I love that he just lets Ogalvy do basically whatever weIl also swearing up and down that he’s such a good boy. I get why he was chosen as the fall guy but I also love that the crew went the complete opposite direction with it of “well it couldn’t be Avis cause he’s so nervous he’d probably just tell us if he did it”. However that does always make me wonder how he was able to be a good mole in his job. Also I didn’t say it yet but for him and Ogalvy both the designs are amazing. The reveal that they aren’t actual bird people is iconic. I love how their designs still perfectly match the masks like I would expect no one else under those masks you know.

Ogalvy Smythe: He’s such a little chaotic troublemaker of a kid I absolutely adore it. The fact that this child is not just a thief but a dedicated thief is amazing. Like he’s actively getting so upset when he realizes that there were expensive jewels in this house that someone who’s not him already stole. It’s perfect. He’s also Such a funny character like his lines are iconic and consistently had me laughing. It’s just that complete accurate bluntness that a 5 or something year old has. I don’t want to repeat myself too much but it should be said just how good his design is. Like he is just an egg and I love that for him. It’s not that important and makes sense but I do appreciate just how fitting the cartoon characters he assigned to each of the drawtectives are. Like yes Rosé gets hot lady, York gets hot guy, and Grendan gets dog, perfect. Also speaking of the drawtectives I love how they all eventually came around on him. And of course you can’t talk about Ogalvy without talking about his bond with Rosé. It’s adorable love these thief buddies love that Rosé takes him under her wing despite the fact that she’s trying to get out of that lifestyle. I love it all. Rosé asking what all he stole to try and see if he has the jewels is both a very smart move on her end and such a cute little bonding moment. Plus that gave us all the iconic line of “the hearts and minds of the people”. Overall I just absolutely love Ogalvy he’s probably my second favorite witness and despite his criminal tendencies, or let’s be honest here do in large part to them, he’s such a fun and charming character.

Faucon: Coolest person ever. I love how laid back she is it can sometimes be very funny just how chill she is about absolutely everything. Like just how cool she is was something so refreshing that it was almost comical. Love how she inspired Grendan to change up his name for the first time that’s pretty cool. Even though the name change is just a joke at that point Faucon is still just so supportive of it like it’s real sweet to see. Objectively she’s just the down to earth celebrity but she’s so good at being it you know. She’s cool and understanding while also not down playing her fame. I feel like most down to earth celebrities in fiction fall into a trap of just disregarding or not really liking their fame but that’s not really Faucon. She might be chill and not actively bringing up her status as a celebrity but she still loves her music and her band and if her interactions with the drawtectives is anything to go off of her fans too. She is truly just so nice and supportive about like absolutely everything. Even for something simple like Grendan not knowing many songs her immediate response is, that’s fine and you shouldn’t feel like you have to lie about it. Ended up loving her a lot more than I previously did upon rewatch.

Harper Justice: A lot of people love Harper but I’m not one of those people. I get why other’s like her so much but I am York in this situation. Her spoiled contradictions in her morals upset me. I also can’t stand how she didn’t give them any clues at the end of it. I do like her a lot more in the one shot stream where she’s less drunk and angry, plus giving her a pet that she loves immediately makes her more endearing. This post is only really about season one though so as it stands I still don’t really like her. I hope that her and her mom get closer after she tells her the truth about her past though. I just think it would be nice especially since they’re the only members of the justice family that are left.

Sam Ug: Sam gives us a lot of interesting information after Grendan uses their power on her. I really think her past as a criminal is intriguing especially in relation to Sorin giving her a second chance and her not really trusting people because of her past. Love that she’s based on a dragon and the cigarette representing the smoke is a cool choice. Kinda unrelated to her as a character but her drawing prompt is one of my absolute favorites in season one. It’s just so funny to watch the crew explain photoshop actions in traditional art wording as everyone is just sitting there like damn you really brought your whole ass art kit here tonight huh Grandma. Overall though I think she’s interesting and her past has some cool implications about how she is currently.

Emery Justice: Emery is a horrible evil dad killer we know this, however sense we do know this it can be a little fun to watch him upon rewatch. Like seeing him so quickly agree with any witness the drawtectives propose. Watching him talk up how strong the person must of had to be to overpower his dad. How he out the gate says he wants to help catch whoever is responsible for his father’s death. Like I don’t really like Emery and he’s probably my least favorite witnesses of this season, but sense he is the murder he can also be kinda interesting for that reason.

Susan Fontaine: She’s very sweet and very proficient in her field of work which I respect. She’s actually so sweet that it catches the crew completely off guard, which is pretty funny to watch considering they’re so not used to someone being so agreeable and easy to work with. I think it’s cute how she knows most celebrities because of the interns at her job like it’s just kinda sweet. To me her listening to her interns about casual stuff kinda just shows her caring nature even outside of this case. Also I already said it when talking about Buzz but they’re pretty cute together. Them sitting at Huck E. Heese is adorable. Yeah she’s nice and sweet but I honestly don’t have many thoughts about her outside of that.

Llarm Alasa: My favorite witnesses. He is fashionable for one like the outfit is just great. I completely forgot that he opened it up with the drawing prompt immediately but I kinda love it. It kinda feels like a fun contrast to Dr. Fontaine who gave them all the information up front and then asked for a drawing after just for fun. I don’t know if this was at all intentional but it sure works out nicely with their episodes being back to back. Him just wanting to do something by getting into the drawing challenge dose makes sense though cause as he says he’s been in this room for ever. Also he’s so incredibly tired which again is completely fair considering he’s the last witness and had to just sit in this room for 10 hours. And all this on the same night that one of his best friend died like that sucks so much. He’s so clearly not doing well right now given the whole situation so he tries to distract himself with invention ideas so he doesn’t have to think about it. He basically says this himself. He also brings up how he tends to bury himself in his work to distract from his personal problems which just has me sitting there like bud that’s an awful coping strategy. I’m just glad that at the end of it though the drawtectives give him a new thing for him to think about with whether or not anyone there has been an animatronic the whole time. Also can I just say that his response of “that would be amazing” to that thought is so funny. Like given the witnesses track record you think he would just say it sounds stupid or something but no, to him that idea is cool as hell. It’s just so endearing and speaking of things that make him endearing, I’m great at segways I know, I love him for being a cat owner. Plus it’s a black cat that’s named after something he really enjoys which appeals to me specifically as someone who also has a black cat that was named after something I enjoyed. It is a slight upset that he doesn’t show the crew any cat photos but like he comes around in the end by telling them to follow his Binstagram so I won’t hold it against him. Honestly the only real slight I have against him is that you can not go around picking up obvious murder weapons off the floor my guy. Like do I kinda respect him for not really trusting the bumbling idiots that are the B team cops? Yes. Do I think that could be an interesting thing to think about considering he was Sorin’s close friend and wanting an important piece of evidence to be taken care of properly kinda shows a weird sense of care for him? Also yes. But do I think it was a good move? Absolutely not. At least he eventually trusts to give it to Jancy and the other three. Also I do think he’s mainly trusting Jancy over the drawtectives considering he actively lets out a sigh of relief when she comes in the room. Anyways I’m sorry that I rambled so much about my favorite but I just love him so much he’s literally my favorite witnesses/npc of the entire series.

[utilitycaster]

(this might be a silly question, and please take this in the best possible faith, i don't mean it to be any kind of a gotcha or a trap, okay now that that's out of the way) i'm a cr fan who hasn't started c3 yet (still trucking through c2 and loving it) but i've been a quiet observer to whatever tf has been happening in the tumblr tags for it and have enjoyed your takes/opinions. so, asking this as someone without context who's not trying to comment on any recent ship developments (don't worry about spoilers though, not trying to avoid any), are there parts of c3, either characters or plot or backstories or whatever, that you do really enjoy/find compelling? (you might have already answered this, i've only been following you for like. a week and a half.) thank you!

Hi anon!

Yes, there definitely are! I completely get where you're coming from for this question, too, but I appreciate the context because I have gotten questions before where I feel like someone is trying to corner me and say CAN'T YOU BE POSITIVE??? Anyway, more on that at the end because I want to get to the things I do like, because there are, in fact, a lot. Also, because you've been vaguely following stuff this is chock full of spoilers just FYI.

Ashton, Chetney, and Fearne are all great characters. There is a lot of thought put into all three by the cast members who play them, I find their backstories and their inner lives rich and interesting, I am actually pretty patient with the Hishari plotline because Ashton has so much else going on that while I'm curious, I don't feel deprived. Chetney is just a great concept (for real people need to play older adventurers more often) and Travis is perhaps an unparalleled generator of interesting plot hooks, and Fearne constantly surprises me with her emotional depth and mischief - after two campaigns of Ashley playing characters who were often more, if not subdued, restrained or thoughtful, it's wonderful watching her let loose and be chaotic and cause problems.

Imogen is tricky because she's a character archetype I love, but her closest relationship does nothing for me. I would really love to see Laura lean into the darkness and moral ambiguity more. With that said her relationships with most of the rest of the party are great and I'd like more of them, and her family dynamics are also fascinating. With Imogen...I do want payoff but there has consistently been enough to keep me going.

Orym and FCG are interesting cases because I always liked Orym well enough but he was extremely Just A Guy - he delivered consistently but never wowed me - and I could not stand FCG earlier on. However, Orym's current arc is phenomenal. Liam's style doesn't always work for me but when it does, it really does, and the past few episodes have been top-tier Orym content. Similarly, after FCG learned of their history and met Dancer, they have been on an upswing that has not ended. I have never before turned around on a character to this degree but I love what Sam is doing. So if you're early on and FCG pisses you off: valid, but he gets good around episode 31 and then keeps being good.

The party split arcs are great. I love Uthodurn, I love Molaesmyr, I love getting to see some of Issylra, there's some great combat, the guests are all fantastic, it's a standout Laudna arc (quite literally part of why I've been recently frustrated with Laudna is because it's like every scrap of character development vanishes when she's within 15 feet of Imogen, like the dumbest paladin aura, but episodes 59-63 Laudna you will always be famous.

Earlier on, everything while Dorian is there is a fun time. Eshteross is precisely up my alley as are the Green Seekers. I also love the Twilight Mirror Museum heist.

The Bassuras arc is rough because there's a lot of good stuff going on but the plot is all weird and slow and I did not enjoy the guest arc. That said: some great interpersonal conversations, and also the Deathwish Run is a fun time if, like me, you love combat.

Yios casino episode, also a good time. The best way I can put it for someone watching through is that like...episodes 1-23 are typical finding one's characters/figuring out what's going on early campaign stuff, enjoyable overall, and the flaws within them can be attributed to that. 24-38 have plenty of bright spots within them (some of which I talked about) but it's a real slog at times. 39-42 are great. 43-45 are nonstop lore dump time, which isn't to say they are bad - there's some good stuff in there - but after 24-38 being lore dump and weird setup city it's a bit exhausting. Once the party goes to the feywild in 46 things get good and stay good. Like, for all the current romance isn't doing anything for me it's also, at this point, literally 2 minutes in an episode that otherwise fucking rules.

So just to get back on the bit about positivity: I tend to talk a lot more about what isn't working than what is. Some of this is because I firmly believe complaining is an art and a skill and is more fun to write. Some if it is also because I think if I like something, I just...like it! I can probably figure out why I like it if I want, but there's something very enjoyable about, well, just enjoying something. But if I don't like something, it's important for me to try to tease out why. Sometimes it's just that it doesn't work for me. There have been past CR characters who, while I can talk through the things I find I don't like about them, in the end it really comes down to "I think this personality is annoying, and that's valid and also a personal opinion." But sometimes I can frame it in terms of lack of narrative weight or momentum, or mechanically suboptimal builds that don't fit in with the character, or what have you, and I think it's valuable to be able to say that instead of just "wow this sucks." Like, there's meta to be had in why I don't care for something, whereas, for example, Fearne's incredibly clutch moves in the most recent episode were things I called out in my liveblogging but I don't have much to say other than "Ashley made some baller combat choices."

[epicspheal]

hi cami! hope youre doing well! id like to ask.. have you seen that pokemon zensho is now fully available in english? i only found out recently lol. you can find it at mangadex! if you have, what are your thoughts on it?

Hi there @soulsilvers I'm doing well thank you for asking! Yeah, I actually didn't know that they full translated Pokemon Zensho until I got this ask, so thank you for alerting me to this I appreciate it! So of course I had to read it all last night! Link here for anyone who wants to read it! It was so cute honestly. First Pokemon Concierge, now Pokemon Zensho making me cry and I'm here for it honestly. Like you said on discord, it definitely is very rushed at only 9 chapters. I definitely would've loved to see it have a few more chapters to explore more about Red and Blue's friendship (well here called Ash and Gary) and going through the league (I always feel like the elite four part of the Kanto story always seems to get the short end of the stick). Despite it's rushed nature, it does make up for it in being the most true-to-gameverse adaptation. But what I appreciated the most was the details that were added were very grounded. Like the problems the gym leaders were facing felt real. It was cool to see how Giovanni became the way he was because it has been hinted at that he's not always been the ruthless Team Rocket boss but something made him that way. I've grown to like Lt. Surge a lot over the years and I feel like his arc was really wholesome too. Many people criticize Kanto for it not being particularly story driven (which to each their own, some people like story drive gameplay some don't, groups are valid), but to say it's completely devoid of story is false. The theme of Gen 1 besides exploration is relationships. It's why the key driver is the rivalry (and strained friendship) between Red and Blue. The orphan Cubone, Agatha and Oak, even Mewtwo's existence plays on the concept of relations in a subtle way. Zensho takes this concept and runs with it throughout as Red travels through Kanto. Much like Pokespe, Pokemon Zensho does a good job at bringing smaller but notable NPCs into the fold and it was done in a way that was not overbearing (looking at Marvin from SwSh Pokespe taking Hop's spot). It was cool to see the SS Anne captain and Game Warden get some more screentime. Also props for this manga low key making non-binary Bill canon! I know some people who read it may not like this version of Red not being "badass" in that he does earn some of his badges without actually defeating the leaders but I think the way it's handled here was okay. I think part of Red's character is supposed to be how he puts caring for others first despite being so talented at battling and I think it's okay that there are adaptations that don't just fall into him being a legendary battler who sweeps everyone. Even though this is a retelling of Red's story I would say if I'm honest this was really Blue's story. Blue got a lot of focus in this manga and outside of Pokemon Generations we don't really get to see into Blue's mindset. I appreciated as you mentioned on discord, how despite everything it did still focus on the fact that Blue was still Red's friend despite everything. It's not something that's focused on a lot in gen 1 adaptations. And of course the rest of the Oak family gets some shine too. This is probably my favorite portrayal of Oak in that it retains some of his flaws but humanizes him too (although I wish they had devoted some time to his and Agatha's rivalry). And Daisy...even with her limited screen time very much still shone especially with her calling out Professor Oak for his harsh words towards Blue. And then of course the revelation of what happened to Blue and Daisy's parents. Give those kids (and this Professor Oak) a hug. This is definitely my favorite of the four Pokemon manga I've read thus far and if we ever got a short miniseries for the Gen 1 games again I would hope it would take more of the Zensho approach and be game accurate while still expanding on little lore details.

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 5089

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), Angst, Fluff (some), insinuating sex, Alcohol

----------------------------------------- Chapter 22 - Let the Whiskey Flow

Jess and Sam had ducked out early that night, around 7. John and Bobby had hit the sack not even a half hour after they’d finished dinner. Maria and Dean were left alone in the library, a bottle of whiskey on the table between them, each having a glass.

“You don’t have to drink,” Dean sighed, seeing her pour herself a second drink even though he’d already had three.

“I know, I want to,” she replied, smiling a little.

He raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what she was thinking without asking her, “I notice you tend to stay away from whiskey though. So, what makes tonight different?”

She shrugged a little, “Jess made a valid point. Why, you don’t want to drink with me or do you think I can out-drink you?” she asked, a mix between playful and teasing.

Dean smirked, “Sweetheart, pretty sure you can’t out-drink me. No, that’s not a challenge either,” he quickly added, “Besides, I do like drinking with you.”

The drinks the two were having contained at least two shots per drink. It took more than she thought it would to even get her buzzed and part of her wondered if it had to do with her powers now completely unlocked. When Dean went to pour the next set of drinks he chuckled a little.

“I was serious, about it not being a challenge,” he told her when he came back with a full bottle.

“I know. I only wanted a light buzz,” she replied, pouting slighting.

He laughed a bit as he poured them another round, “Why, so you aren’t so nervous around me?” he asked.

He figured with as much as they’d already drunk, it was an okay time to start being more playful with her. She didn’t freeze up this time, “Maybe. It’s called liquid courage, isn’t it?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, being playful back.

“I like it when you loosen up,” he chuckled, looking over at her. 

“Oh yeah, how come?” she asked, feeling a bit of a buzz at this point, even if it was light.

“You’re playful and you don’t overthink everything,” he told her, honestly.

“I don’t overthink everything,” she argued, although she chuckled a little.

Dean laughed, one of those belly laughs where his head went back and he had to catch his breath afterward, “Yeah, sure ya don’t. Just like you don’t freeze up whenever I get close to you,” he argued back, still chuckling a little. 

He was thankful she got playful and not argumentative. It was definitely an improvement and he also thanked the whiskey. Had the two been sober, he never would have said what he did. Dean noticed how she was still smiling and was relaxed as she sipped her whiskey, thinking. He’d know that look anywhere, even if she was smirking a little.

She kicked his foot, playfully under the table, “It’s not my fault you decided I was your rival all those years ago, all because of a stupid rock,” she said with enough sass to make him laugh a little.

“Alright, that one’s on me. Care to keep the gloves up though. No more low blows,” he told her, a playful glare in his eyes.

“So, it’s okay to point out my crap but not okay to point out yours?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dean sighed, but then chuckled, “Well, if we’re gonna get it all out, how about another?” he suggested, filling their glasses.

Something about the way he’d said that made her smile fade and that guilt came back, “Dean… I don’t wanna fight with you anymore,” there was a softness to her tone, and a hidden sadness that he could hear. She took another sip of her whiskey, hoping there was courage somewhere in the glass, “I like it when you aren’t being a jerk.”

He sighed as his smile faded. For a moment though, he just watched her, hating it when she looked so sad. Then, he figured he might as well tell her, “It was easier to push you away and be a jerk than to admit that I like you.”

She tilted her head a bit as she looked into those green eyes of his, searching his expression for more than what he’d said, “How long?” she asked, more curious than anything.

Dean smirked again and shook his head a little before he met her gaze, “I told you, you had me at apple pie.”

Maria furrowed her brow and glared a bit at him, slightly annoyed, “That really doesn’t help,” she replied, then downed her drink.

He refilled her glass, “You’ll figure it out. I have faith in you,” he chuckled, “You’re smart like that.”

She rolled her eyes, “I think you’re enjoying watching me suffer far too much,” she retorted, but there was a hint of playfulness there.

Whether she realized it or not, she’d set herself and he wasn’t about to not take the opportunity to tease her, “I’d rather watch you squirm,” he smirked.

Maria felt a blush she was sure went to her toes. She knew exactly what he was insinuating and those feelings came back. The whiskey though, had helped so that they weren’t nearly as intense as the other times. She also felt a warmth move through her body from her core. Normally she would have blamed it on the whiskey but she knew it wasn’t because of that this time. She felt more of an excitement, an anticipation, and a yearning to be closer to him. The butterflies fluttered in her stomach, along with her heart, even if it did feel like she couldn’t take a deep breath.

“You’re cute when you’re blushing and speechless, Sweetheart,” he told her, more flirtatious than he had been all night.

“That’s not helping,” she told him, feeling the blush deepen on her cheeks with his words.

“It helped the blush,” he winked, watching it go a shade darker with his words, “What happened to all those smart-mouthed come-backs you were always so good with?” he teased.

She kicked his foot under the table again, glaring playfully at him, “Guess I’m not used to you flirting with me yet. Although, if I want to watch you get flustered, I just have to walk around in my pajamas,” she replied, sounding not only confident, but playful, cocky, and he could have swore there was a hint of flirt in there.

“All I gotta do is think about where your tattoo is,” he replied, leaning forward a little, his arms resting on the table now, that damned smirk on his lips again.

Instead of getting flustered, she smirked, “It’s like window shopping. You can look all you want, you just can’t touch,” she replied, the tease visible in her eyes.

Dean had to take a deep breath on that one and licked his lips before he took a sip of his whiskey. He loved that mouth on her and now wanted to do nothing more than kiss those damned lips of hers, “Well, I saw yours, only fair you get to see mine,” his tone was not only charming but also seductive.

She watched him, still smirking a little, as he stood and removed his shirt. Maria had to take a deep breath. One thing she’d never seen was him without a shirt. Her lips parted and she quickly closed them, as she took in the sight of him. He was muscular but not like a bodybuilder. He still looked soft but cut. Her eyes wandered over his arms, his chest, and stomach, and then back up again to where his tattoo was, just above his heart. She’d never looked at him in any sort of interested way, not until now. He was more attractive than she thought he’d be. He was sitting down and sipping his whiskey again, but she was still admiring the way his muscles moved while he was doing those little things.

“If that’s all I need to do to shut you up, I might walk around without a shirt all the time,” he teased her, playfully.

His words quickly pulled her from her thoughts and she looked down at the table where her whiskey was, taking a drink of it, then biting her lip somewhat nervously, “Sorry… for staring…” she told him shyly.

Dean leaned back in his chair and put his feet back up on the table, finding her utterly adorable and amusing, “From now on, every time you apologize to me, I’m going to kiss you, since you said you’d stop, as per my request,” he told her, slightly seductively, wanting to push the bar a little.

Her eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to say something but the shock of it kept words from coming out. She closed her mouth and sighed through her nose, “That’s so not fair,” she grumbled.

“Then stop apologizing for things you don’t need to apologize for,” he stated, somewhat plainly, but seriously.

She grumbled a little and finished her drink, which he then refilled, “Thanks,” she mumbled, barely glancing at him while she contemplated her predicament now. She was also trying not to look over at him, as he was more distracting now than before when he was wearing a shirt.

“Anytime, Sweetheart,” he smirked, watching the gears turn as she thought.

There was a small silence between them for a bit as they each sipped their drinks. Maria was deep in thought, as was Dean, although his were of a different nature. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself or push her into anything she didn’t want to do, no matter what she did to him with just those eyes of hers. Maria finished her drink and poured herself another, downing it immediately. She’d made up her mind and she needed a little more liquid courage. Dean watched her, somewhat puzzled as she did that, then stood, albeit a little wobbly, then walked around the table. Maria half sat, half leaning on the table next to where he was sitting, using her palms on the table by her sides to keep her balanced.

She looked down at him, a small, playful smirk on her lips, “Well, I know I’m gonna slip up and end up apologizing for something. So, might as well know what I’m in for,” she told him, bolder than she felt.

He was still slightly confused until she leaned down and kissed him. It was just a simple kiss on the lips and it only lasted a few moments before she pulled away, but he couldn’t help the smile. Resisting the urge to pull her back down for a much deeper kiss took everything in him. For her, it was like electricity was buzzing through her body and she knew it wasn’t the whiskey. At that moment, she hated the fact that she was completely inexperienced.

Once Dean regained his composure from the surprise, “Well that was unexpected. I think I like it when you drink whiskey,” he told her, happily.

“Don’t get used to it,” she replied, glaring at him playfully.

He decided he was finally going to ask, “So, what’s up with that? You not drinking whiskey?”

She took a deep breath and looked at the floor, “It might bring down the mood,” she sighed.

Dean could see it was more of a serious yet sore subject but he wanted to know, “I’m sure we’ll find a way to bring it back up. I want to know, if you’re okay with sharing,” he replied softly.

Maria glanced over at him and shrugged before she looked back down at the floor, “Alright, if you’re sure,” she began, drunk enough now to let it just flow, “After my dad was killed, and I took off, I found peace at the bottom of whiskey bottles. Yes, plural, and it didn’t take long,” she paused, looking across the room, “The beginning of the year I ran into Sam and Jess at the local bar and they asked me to stay with them,” she chuckled a little, thinking back.

He tilted his head as he sat back in his seat, sipping his whiskey and listening. He could tell she was definitely buzzed but wasn’t sure quite how drunk she was. Dean could see how her eyes got that far-off look when she spoke and it made him smile a little.

“Sam only let me drink like I normally did for like a week before he put an end to it. It was a rough several months of detoxing. The two of them were great though, always being there for me through it all,” she continued, then looked over at him, a small smirk, “It got bad a couple times, but they kept me on the straight and narrow. I’ve only had a few shots since then, not including tonight.”

Dean was beyond impressed and proud of her and what she’d managed to overcome. He knew something like that wasn’t easy. Alcohol went with being a hunter, as all of them drank some amount, some having higher tolerances than others. 

He smiled softly up at her as he set his hand on her thigh, squeezing it gently, “I’m glad you had someone, to help you through that.”

She felt her body stiffen slightly with his touch but at the same time, it was also like electricity buzzed through her nerves again, along with the warmth that radiated from her core. She knew it wasn’t the whiskey. Maria decided she was definitely going to be looking more into this whole crush thing in the following days. Then, she remembered something Zamariel had told her, she’d turned off one of her powers, feeling the emotions of others. She bit her lip, thinking.

Dean looked at her, slightly puzzled, “What’s on your mind?” he asked her, his hand still on her thigh. He could feel her slight tensness, but she hadn’t pulled away either.

“Umm… it’s gonna sound weird,” she replied, still thinking. She thought about just turning it back on and feeling what he was until she realized she’d probably feel guilty for being invasive and would end up apologizing, “I turned off one of my powers, when I was ten.”

He raised an eyebrow, intrigued, “Oh? What was it?” he asked, getting more curious.

“Well, uh, being able to feel someone else’s emotions,” she replied, a mix of nervousness and shyness, “And, I was uh, wondering if you wouldn’t mind, if I uh, felt yours.”

That was something new for Dean. He found it interesting and strange all at the same time and almost didn’t know how to respond. Emotions were one thing Dean kept to himself but he had been more open with her than he’d been with anyone in his life so was at least considering it, “You sure you want to go poking around at those?” he asked her.

She glanced over at him, “You’re the reason I turned them off when I was ten. I felt how angry you were one day. I’ll be okay,” she replied.

Dean downed his drink and poured himself another, leaning forward in his chair now, his hand no longer on her thigh, and sighed, “It’s just emotions, right? No memories or anything?” he asked, wanting to make sure.

“Mmmhm, just emotions,” she answered, feeling the anticipation grow a bit.

He took a deep breath, and a drink, “Alright, just don’t, freak out at what you feel.”

Maria could tell that he seemed almost as nervous as her about this but she wanted to know what the whole crush thing felt like for him. He seemed to be enjoying it and didn’t seem uncomfortable with the physical feelings that came with the emotions. She just wanted to understand it better and he was the best person to find out from. It didn’t take much, to turn it back on. Then, she turned her body so that she was sitting on the table with just one leg hanging over the edge, the other folded at her knee. She set her hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath, letting herself feel what he was. 

Her eyes widened as a wave of emotions rolled over her, his emotions. She then closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths. She hadn’t practiced this one but used the same principle she used when she moved things. There were so many emotions and at first, they were all jumbled up together; nervousness, anxiety, hope, concern, fear, compassion, anticipation, caring, longing, and passion. It took her a few moments but she was able to sort through them, deliberately following the trail that was only related to how he felt toward her. A small smile came across her lips to feel those things from his perspective. It wasn’t uncomfortable or unwanted for him. He liked how she made him feel and it made her heart flutter.

“You go down some rabbit hole?” he asked, a bit playfully as he watched her.

She smiled a little more, trying not to chuckle, “Sorry. I haven’t used this one before,” she replied, looking down into his green eyes, and got hit with another wave of his emotions. He had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be closer to her, and she had to take her hand off of his shoulder, severing the connection.

If only she knew how incredibly kissable she looked in that moment, he thought to himself, having to look away and take a deep breath. Even though she’d apologized, again, he was going to wait, as he had an idea, “And?” he asked, then took a sip of his whiskey.

Maria looked down at the floor, “I want to feel things, like you do,” she told him softly.

He looked sidelong at her, slightly surprised at her response, “How do you mean?” 

She sighed quietly, “You like it, those feelings you get around me… You even want more of it. I don’t know how to feel like that.”

Dean smirked, “I have a thought on that, if you’d like to hear it,” he told her, doing his best not to smile too much.

Maria looked over at him, “What’s your idea?” she asked. She noticed his look, but her curiosity was more than her nervousness.

“Turn that feeling power thing back on, and let me kiss you,” he suggested, feeling his heart beat a little quicker at the thought of kissing her this time.

She felt her heart pounding and it felt as though it was hard to breathe. Then she took a slow, deep, shaky breath, and nodded her head, setting her hand on his shoulder, allowing the connection. Dean bit his bottom lip before he stood up, moving so that he was in front of her. Her eyes never stopped watching him, searching his expression and movements. She let the wave of his emotions wash over her as he reached out and caressed her cheek. There was a comfort in his touch and she leaned into his hand, closing her eyes. The feeling was intense, this time, in a good way. When she felt his lips on hers though, her eyes shot open for a moment in shock. She fought her own fear to pull away, focusing on his emotions again, then closed her eyes, and kissed him back.

Dean had to keep reminding himself to go slow with her as he kissed her, simply, gently, cupping her face in his hands. They both took deep breaths and their bodies got a little closer. She reached out and put her arms around him, letting his emotions encompass her like a soft blanket, keeping her fears at bay. After a few moments, Dean took a chance, teasing her lips with his tongue, and she parted her lips slightly. He wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity but he did go slow, teasing her tongue with his. She smiled a little, and caught on quickly, letting him deepen the kiss between them.

He reached down and adjusted her hips so that he was standing between her legs, then he pulled her as close as he could, kissing her deeply. There were plenty of thoughts going through his mind, like laying her back on the table, picking her up and carrying her to his room, or holding her against a wall. He just held onto her hips though, not wanting to rush her, no matter how badly he wanted her.

Her body was responding in ways she’d never felt before but being able to feel his emotions, it wasn’t scary or uncomfortable, it was welcomed. She relaxed against him, allowing her hands on his back to hold him close as their tongues danced. Her breathing had quickened and her body warmed. 

It was another minute at least before Dean pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily, as he leaned his forehead against hers. She wasn’t breathing as heavily as he was, but hers was still quicker than normal. He wasn’t sure what to say, having a hard time getting past his thoughts of wanting to show her just how much he liked her. Dean was an action kind of person and he wanted to love her, every inch of her.

“I’m looking forward to when I can feel that, without the fear,” she told him, softly, taking slow, deep breaths to calm her breathing down.

“I’ll never hurt you, or at least do my damnest not to,” he told her as he looked into her eyes.

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Maria understood now how he felt since she was still connected to his emotions, and those words carried more than they said, which made her smile a little. She reached up with one hand and caressed his cheek, “Then I’m choosing to trust you,” she told him softly as her heart rate picked up a little.

Dean smiled like the happiest person on the planet when she said that and kissed her again, making her giggle, pulling away after another minute, “Then, go out with me,” he told her, still smiling, but searching her expression for some sort of doubt.

Maria chuckled, “You really are adorable sometimes,” she told him, smiling, knowing what he was asking just with how his emotions felt to her, “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”

That smile never left his lips and his eyes sparkled. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her into a hug, then pulled her off the table and swung her around, causing her to squeal and laugh, music to his ears. After a couple of spins, he set her back on her feet and looked down at her, their bodies pressing against each other.

“I’ll still take this as slow as you need to,” he told her.

“I appreciate that,” she replied, smiling.

Maria took a deep breath, then severed the connection with his emotions, wanting to feel her own. She truly wanted to feel what he felt, it was almost beautiful. Her body did tense, but this time, only a little. He did notice but didn’t let go of her, as she hadn’t let go of him.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, “I’ve got you,” he told her softly.

She leaned against him and took a deep breath, wanting to relax so badly. Maria thought back to how she had felt, watching Jess and Sam together, then let those emotions move through her. Dean’s arms around her seemed to bring calm to that feeling of yearning and loneliness, which made her smile a little. She also felt her body relax, as did Dean. He rubbed her back gently, then just held her.

The two sat back down, now next to each other, their chairs turned so they were facing each other. Dean filled their glasses and handed her hers. They both needed another drink to calm their nerves and their bodies. She had already planned on researching things the following day, on relationships and all that entailed. Maria knew the basics, having spent around eight months or so with Jess and Sam. She just didn’t understand the deeper stuff, and she wanted to.

They stayed close to each other, their knees touching, his hand on her leg just above her knee with her hand over his. She felt the slight tenseness in her body but didn’t let it pull her away. She’d made her choice and she was going to follow through with it. There was finally a lightness to their conversation as they sipped their drink and talked about deeper things, personal things. When her drink was gone, Dean went to refill it, but she covered the top with her hand.

“I’m good,” she smiled softly. The whiskey had done what she’d needed it to.

“Want me to let you get some sleep then?” he asked, even though he wanted to hold her again.

She bit her bottom lip as she looked into his eyes, “I was hoping you might stay with me again,” she told him, a bit shyly.

Maria watched his eyes light up, “I’d like that, a lot,” he told her, barely able to keep his excitement in check.

She felt that tense feeling in her chest again, but this time it felt a little different, more of an anticipation than a fear, and smiled, “Thanks.”

The softness in her tone made his heart flutter again. He took her hand and the two walked to her room, “Want me to wait outside, so you can get comfy?” he asked, even if that wasn’t what he wanted.

She giggled a little, “I’d appreciate that,” she replied, stepping into her room and closing the door behind her.

For a moment she leaned against her door, taking several deep breaths before finally digging out her favorite pajamas and changing, the same ones Dean had seen her in at the shooting range. Maria opened her door, standing partially behind it, looking up at him. He was again taken aback by her beauty and how hot she looked in those damned pajamas. Dean licked his lips before stepping inside, wondering how he was going to keep his hands to himself, let alone sleep next to her. He slipped his shoes off but decided to sleep in his jeans, then closed the door behind him.

She smiled a little as she took his hand and led him over to her bed, his heart felt as though it was going to pound out of his chest but he couldn’t stop smiling. This time, she moved the covers and climbed into bed, and he noticed just how little those shorts covered when she moved right, making him smirk. He took a deep breath as he climbed into bed and lay next to her. She was on her back with her hands on her stomach, which was only partially covered by the tank top she’d put on. He propped himself on his elbow for a moment and looked down at her, smiling softly, then softly slid a few stray strands of hair behind her ear.

“I wish you could see you the way I do,” he told her softly.

That made her blush a bit, “You gonna stare at me all night or you wanna get the light?” she asked him, playfully.

He chuckled, twisting behind him to click off her light before he looked back down at her. Even in the dark, he could make out her features, “Might do both,” he teased her playfully, but softly.

She gave him a playful eye-roll when she felt his hand over both of hers, causing her to take a deep breath, “Don’t be creepy,” she teased back.

Dean laughed a little before he got comfortable on his side, then pulled her so that she was facing him, keeping his hand on her half-exposed hip, “Creepy would be standing next to your bed and watching you while you slept. Having you in my arms and watching you, not creepy,” he told her, smiling a little.

Maria thought about that for a moment, “Okay, that’s fair.” 

She moved her hands up so that they were near her face, and then gingerly reached out and put one on his bare chest, biting her lip nervously. She felt his chest heave with a heavy breath and how his heart rate increased under her touch. Dean had to close his eyes and bite his lip to keep the groan from escaping his lips from her soft touch. He had no idea how he was going to sleep at this point but wasn’t going to push her either. So for now, he just kissed her forehead.

“I said I’d do this at your pace, just…,” he coughed, clearing his throat, “... don’t go exploring too much or I’ll have to sleep in my own bed,” he told her as seriously as he could manage.

Her face scrunched up in slight confusion as she looked up at him, “What’s wrong?” she asked, wishing she understood more on this particular topic.

Dean chuckled, deciding to be blunt, “You’re turning me on, Sweetheart,” he told her.

She felt as though she blushed to her toes and almost apologized, opening her mouth and then closing it quickly, remembering what he’d said he do. She also knew that now would have probably been the worst time for him to kiss her, only making things harder on him, no pun intended. Maria was now determined more than ever to do research the following day.

“I’d understand, if you wanted to sleep in your own bed,” she finally replied, quietly.

“I won’t need to, as long as you don’t let your hands go roaming,” he told her, smirking at the thought.

Dean pulled her a little closer, keeping his hand on her hip, rubbing soft circles on her exposed skin. She couldn’t deny what her body was feeling, she just wasn’t ready to go down that rabbit hole at the moment. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, getting her body to relax. The alcohol was still working through her system and it was helping. Dean managed to calm himself down, focusing only on her finally relaxing under his touch and being as near to him as she was. He considered that a win, even if alcohol was involved. Sleep found her first, and a half hour later, it found Dean.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 23 Pt 1

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

I think the writers could've chosen something different rather than "I could be persuaded" since my guess is that's the main thing that is making some people have second thoughts. It's not that I personally mind the phrase because I don't think they intended Astarion to be pressured at all but hey, some players may have needed that reassurance. Either way, if they don't like it they can very well choose not to have sex with him in the graveyard, that's a valid option the game offers as well. Maybe some Tavs don't feel comfortable having sex in a public place. But there's no need to claim he doesn't want it. He is the one to initiate it in the first place! Like you said though, their hearts do come from a good place and I understand that, same for how our personal experiences color the way we see all of this differently.

Oh, there's no judgement over whether or not it's okay to go back to the brothel. It's a game, people should feel free to do anything they want. If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL. Imo, this matter is more grey rather than black or white. From a role-playing perspective, Tav has no idea he will dissociate. It's just that some people have been arguing you should go back there with him because it's important to his healing journey to figure out what he likes, that it's infantilizing not to do it (to me it's the opposite of "you are a bad person if you do it"...it's more complicated than that). Which sure, it's important to do that but shouldn't he be the one to propose it? This is my personal opinion, but I also don't think having meaningless sex and orgies is really necessary for him right now, especially in such a new relationship. Like, his first "I love you" was days ago. He's had plenty of meaningless sex already, at this point in the game I think he values more the emotional connection. Still, there's every chance he could genuinely want to try something like this on his own initiative in the future (I feel similarly about the poly thing, it's also not something he proposes to Tav but rather reacts to). Meanwhile even his demeanor in the brothel sounds very performative like he did in act 1, even when he agrees to initially, if you compare his voice to his act 2 confession and the graveyard scene.

"And the lack of actual time pacing does make the game hard to track as far as where everything is in chronological time." There's an aswer to this! The game takes place over the course of about 4 months according to Withers in the Astarion Origin playthrough if you romance Karlach: "In but a dozen tendays an entire life was lived." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8f8hEmoX1k at 3:25. I don't think anyone did a breakdown of the entire timeline but I doubt the third act takes place over the course of more than one month, perhaps one month and a half at most. Which makes the entire brothel thing take place over the course of a few weeks at most: going there for the first time and then for a second time after Cazador is defeated.

I'm sorry if you felt like you had to share your story, I didn't mean to pry. I'm happy it worked out fine for you and you had someone caught what was going on in time and removed you from the situation!!

I like how you broke out the statement you are responding to. I will be implementing that in the future.

"If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL."

Right?! LOL. I feel like I'm a peaceful person, but there are moments when I have an eye twitching desire to redrum some peeps.

I see what you are saying. If this was the real world, ethics would say doing that with in weeks of that revelation would be inappropriate. And letting them suggest it would be better as it gives them more control over the situation.

Only four months? Wow. That is short. It took me longer than that in real months to complete the game. LOL. But in my defense, I have to do ALL the things!

Don't feel sorry about story. You didn't pry, I offered it up. :)

I think the hardest thing about posting on these platforms, for me, is knowing if I am coming across correctly.

Anyway, thank you for the clarification and discussion!

[hopelessrromantix]

where i've been

TLDR: Life sucks and so does the government. Half my family got hit with some pricey medical bills plus our normal rent, so donating or sharing this would be beyond appreciated.

I know you’re all thinking “Roman! You haven’t written anything in a month, what’s going on?” First, valid question. Second, dear GOD where do I start.

Let’s keep things simple. This past month has been the literal definition of hell for me. Everything started off fairly normal, until my two remaining grandparents started having frequent hospital trips. My father spent most of his time caring for them, living mostly at their house. Given that he works most in our house, he wasn’t having an easy time. He ended up developing what his doctor said was “stress tremors”, to the point that he went on disability.

Well, even after my grandparents were a bit more stable (though still on close watch)... they continued anyway. Eventually it got so bad my mother drove him to the hospital one night and what do you know, brain tumor.

Queue several days of our family wondering what the everloving fuck we’d do without my Dad. It was several days of my dear mother (note the sarcasm) trying to control everything, my brother trying to continue school, and me taking care of the house and our pets.

We got the scans back not long after and, cue sigh of relief, the tumor was benign. It still seemed to be draining the life out of my father, though. The nurses and doctors were absolutely floored because his tumor was absolutely huge but he had no headaches. Imagine a baseball in your head. Yeah, exactly. He did however stare at the wall for hours and had a hard time getting out more than a few words. It’s probably one of my most heartbreaking memories to watch the strongest person I’ve ever known reduced to a husk on a hospital bed.

Brain surgery came soon after. He made it through and is currently in recovery. He’s speaking actual sentences, though he’s still got tremors and needs a lot of help. Still, I’m just happy to have my father.

That same week, we noticed my cat acting off. We have two of them and my cat, Gallifrey, is a talkative sweetheart who’s attached to me at the hip. But he was meowing differently and acting weird and all around not normal. One vet visit later and we find out he has kidney disease and pancreatitis. He’s being treated for it (new food, possible meds, regular fluid injections, etc.), but he’s still not himself yet. Talk about my life falling apart. This on its own my family couldn’t even begin to afford. The government seems to hate disabled people and paying for numerous doctor’s visits wasn’t remotely in our paper thin budget, much less the meds and treatment.

It was a lot all at once, and not even close to what we expected. Gallifrey is only 7 and my father didn’t show the typical signs of a brain tumor. So, I guess the universe thought “Y’know, this is a perfect time to kick Roman in the fucking balls”.

Routine testosterone blood test, just monitoring… until I got a call from the doctor. Turns out I have some untreated issues that none of my previous doctors caught. In fact, the only reason she caught it was because it was so severe. According to her she was shocked I’m still up and kicking and not in the hospital for a blood transfusion. Apparently my red blood cell count and oxygen level is insanely low, and she asked me to take a Covid test (negative), so it turns out it’s a completely different issue. I’m still in the process of diagnosing it, so that was a fun little addition. With my chronic pain and my mother in denial, I sleep most of the day and am in constant pain the entire time.

I’ll be real, I’m not a fan of asking for money. It’s not something I like, but it’s something I have to do. The amount of treatment we need, my dad, Gallifrey, and me, is more than we can hope to afford on our salaries (thank you, American healthcare!). The medical process in this country is a joke.

I’m asking y’all to help me out. Sharing, donating, whatever. Everyone around me has been kind and supportive, and I'm beyond thankful for that. If you can’t donate, please send it, share it, do whatever, I'll take absolutely anything. If I’m honest? The number I’m asking still won’t cover it, but anything is helpful.

Thank you for reading this far, thank you for sharing, for donating, for being kind, for absolutely everything.

I also understand that the internet is a horrible, despicable place, so I can give any breakdowns of what the money would be used for and give any medical info (not releasing family names or locations) to provide proof. The page includes a lovely little x-ray of my father’s head so you get to see the absolute insanity. If this isn’t enough please let me know and I can link anything else needed to confirm that yes, I am actually having the worst time of my life.

All in all? Thank you.

Donate here if you can <3

[couldawouldashoulda50]

I know you said you don’t want to spook William too much but I’m going to be the little devil on your shoulder and say “Do it” spook that little blonde hoe to his core lol he’s always on the fence nah it doesn’t work that way. I would to see Loren more assertive about what she wants and eventually at a certain point she’s going to get tired of the whole casual thing with William. It would be interesting to get his mom’s point of view when he’s struggling with Loren. I hope I don’t come off as rude.

Nonnie - so sorry for the delay...thank you so much, and no, I honestly love yours and the other bits of input I have been getting about Loren. Absolutely all of it are such valid points, and it's great to be able to discuss them all. Anyway - this is all just for what it's worth. I LOVE the dialogue - please don't take this like I'm trying to change your mind at all. I'm am really sorry though for the long response below... 😬

I've questioned the "what the hell are they" myself a number of times as I have written this - but ended up going with how I visualized it "naturally" in my mind (for lack of a better way to say it).

The thing with Loren is that at the time she met William, she was happy with her quiet life. She had a firm grasp on everything she worked for since her ex left her in such a financial mess. She had no intention of dating anyone after going through hell. It took a massive toll on her mentally too but she clawed her way through it. She's tried to approach the time with William with a certain level of detachment because (and again, this is just my perception/assumptions) - it would be really hard to date/be in a relationship with William as a superstar. There's just so much that circles around him and she's pretty leery of all of it. But she ends up getting to know more of the real him and here we are - it's a bit of a tight rope walk.

I feel I have done a little bit of disservice to William as well. I can understand as the reader there's been total WTF moments (maybe some are asshole moves of his) - I can't say honestly if those have been by design or if it's just me and (dare I say) my inexperience in writing? 😕 Or maybe it's a combination of the two. But there's not been a ton of time that these two have spent together... a bit of time before the playoffs, a bit of time during the playoffs and then whatever means of staying in touch in certain moments in between. I admit - maybe it wasn't the best approach in hind sight (?) but it's just how it played out in my head.

I perceive William at this stage to be extremely guarded about getting serious with anyone. He's massively wealthy already and we all know about his contract. Plus (and this is me being indulgent just because hey, I'll never know or run in his social circles) - I've often thought that he has been in this game a loooooong time. I can't even imagine the number of girls/women that he interacts with. Not saying they're not quality women, but I really wanted Loren to throw him for a complete loop, and I feel she has done so.... she's completely different from the women he's typically surrounded by. So he's cautious but fuck, he's just moony over her too lol.

About the spooking part ( your response made me laugh😁) - this again is just my perception/assumption about William (and I'm not saying this is right or wrong - I blame googling dating a Taurus male should know a little since I was in a relationship with one years ago) but he doesn't respond well to moving faster than what he's comfortable with. But once he gets there, he's there for life - it will be worth the wait type thing.

As far as Camilla - oh boy - I don't want to give too much away but the way I picture it is his mom wouldn't necessarily say anything unless he asks her. But I feel if he did, she might just pose the question back to him of what the hell he expected Loren to do if she walks away from him.

There is still more to come so we'll have to see ❤️

A million thanks though for reading and reaching out - as ever, it means so much to me!

[the-gayest-show]

It's a little disheartening to see people disrespecting Molly's decision to sacrifice what she had with Scratch in order for him to have his life back. I’m not sure if detractors of the series finale truly understand Molly as a character.

Literally the thoughts in my head! I'd seen a couple of those posts and thought to reply to them somehow but couldn't figure out a way to get to all of them, so this ask should do it...

The message has been there the whole time. In Libby's exposition, she mentions the quote from maya angelou: "What is a fear of living? It's being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself - for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don't know what you're here to do, then just do some good." I believe this sums up scratch's arc and molly's (i will get into it later) to a T. He shut himself off from the world for years before molly met him, and was very afraid to take risks or do anything new (this is seen in episodes like All Systems No, where the whole point is scratch literally saying no to things and molly always saying yes to things). And probably other s1 and s2 episodes but none are actively on my mind rn. Him leaving to take risks was practically necessary, living out his life IS necessary because he couldn't bring himself to do so before but now he can.

Scratch needed to do something. We find out he's a wraith and then what? He can't just live outside his body knowing full well that he has a body and knows of its existence! I guess the main point argued was that he didn't have to be scrubbed of memory... I'd like to bring up a tweet that involves Bill's reasoning for choosing this path https://twitter.com/InevitablyBill/status/1746595852138008750 (it's a thread btw, take a read, i love it so much!). At the end of the day, imagine this: he goes into his human body, stays with the mcgees... maybe he meets adia... but isn't the whole point that he knew adia for years, even as a child, and wanted to come with her, but his anxiety/depression always got the better of him? Isn't the whole point that he needs to leave, he can't stay forever! You could argue "he fit so perfectly fine with the mcgees! it makes their friendship pointless like this!" but the real question of the day is: why do you think he isn't a mcgee anymore? just because he forgot them (define forgot since he subconsciously remembers stuff)? family is forever. It's in your soul! I've met some wonderful people (adults and kids alike) that have semi-made me into the person I am today. Chosen family comes and goes, sometimes it stays a while and then leaves. I still feel sad for losing touch with people I thought would stay forever...But that DOES NOT make it any less worthwhile. It's what molly said: "If you don't remember me, at least you'll remember that." The things he learnt weren't erased. He didn't "forget them", not really. Because if he did he'd be right back at square one, being all "I don't need friends!" and "Being good's for suckers!" and now that would make everything pointless.

Molly has trauma. Valid point, but I raise you this: She chose to let go. She fully understood the risks even as scratch pointed them out, and despite everything. Just as easily she could've said that it was ok and he didn't have to go back, but she didn't.

This show is heavily grounded in reality for something based on silly ghosty adventures. Why can't someone leave? Because of plot? Shit happens anyways, trauma or no trauma, and if anything, molly isn't alone. Molly originally clung to scratch as a forever friend because she didn't want to be alone. She isn't alone now though! She's got Libby! She's got Ollie and June! She's got Geoff as well (technically), so she's not completely done for!

[libra-stellium]

Tw: narc mom

There’s been a sense of freedom in finding out that my mother is a narcissist. I’ve noticed all the signs my whole life but it was under the idea that oh it’s just MY mother that’s like this. It’s just HER personality.

This put so much pressure on me bc it made it MY situation and that it was up to me and my mother to find a solution. I truly believed that if I’m able to learn new information and change my behavior accordingly so could she! And it always felt like I was so close to a breakthrough with her like if I just found the right words she would understand the pain she’s causing me and she would change her behavior. If I just compromised on these boundaries she would respect me and respect other boundaries. And this just kept happening for years. I was being baited 🤷🏾‍♀️

Hearing stories of other people with narcissistic parents, especially a narcissistic mother, I realized oh my god I have not been living a unique experience!!!! All those things I thought were just my mother were some very basic narcissistic tactics! I did not feel dumb or ashamed for falling for it but instead I felt validated! Like WOW I was feeling the exact way I was supposed to feel under the circumstances! A product of narcissistic abuse is not trusting your feelings and getting outside confirmation that other people react the same way was amazing.

I felt silly last year when I stopped eating my favorite cereal. In May 2022 my mother was staying with me and she asked me for a bowl of cereal. Nothing unpleasant had happened yet during her stay bc I was playing “the good daughter” knowing that she would only be there for a week and I did not feel like recovering and picking up the pieces of myself after making her angry. I had two cereal options and she asked me which one I would choose and I said “this one is my favorite!” And she said okay she would go with that one. She made herself a big bowl of it and acted like she was excited to eat it. She took a regular spoonful of it and GAGGED!! I was shocked and looking at her so confused and I’m sitting there thinking she’s choking and she goes “this is disgusting I don’t like it at all how can you eat that???” I just shrugged and she walked to the kitchen and emptied the bowl.

Immediately I was having so many thoughts in my head like “omg you’re so naive!! Why would you tell her it was your favorite?? Don’t you know by now you shouldn’t share what you like with her??? Everything was going so well!!” I don’t remember anything after that! It’s now almost September 2023 and I still haven’t had a bowl of that cereal. To add context it’s Honey Bunches of Oats lol the regular one in the orange box 🙃 not some random flavor of cereal that has many flavors or a strong flavor or anything like that lol she 1000% did it purposefully to be hurtful!

Me from last year was trying to figure out what to do bc I had been keeping my bigger likes to myself bc I noticed the pattern and i didn’t want them ruined for me! But how can you have a relationship with someone where you can’t even tell them your favorite cereal????

Fast forward to this year I’m learning that a narcissistic person will literally tell you that your likes are horrible as a way to bring you down bc you’re feeling joy from that thing and the goal is to reinforce this idea that you don’t deserve to feel joy unless they tell you you can!

I saw this play out on an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the daughter was so excited about the dress and the mother completely shut her down by saying she didn’t like the dress at all she didn’t think it looked good and that if the daughter wanted it she would pay for it but she wasn’t going to pretend to like it. The daughter looked exactly how I did in that moment with the cereal just very defeated and even though she loved the dress she said she didn’t like it and wanted to take it off. I felt so bad for her and I wanted her to wear the dress anyway but I also understood that she couldn’t bc now the dress is tainted with her mother’s comments! The same way I can’t think of cereal without being reminded of that interaction is the same way she would be reminded of her mother’s comment on her wedding day while she’s getting ready! And you can tell it was intentional in the episode bc there’s a clip of the mother pointing out the dress on the mannequin before saying how beautiful the dress is and then there’s another clip where as her daughter is trying on wedding dresses she’s complimenting the dress of the seamstress. It’s all just to reinforce the programming for the daughter that she is not important even when she’s a bride picking out her wedding dress and that she can’t trust herself bc she loved a dress that her mother completely disliked.

This episode was eye opening for me bc ever since I started day dreaming about getting married (Libra things lol) I always knew that I would either go find my dress by myself or I would take a couple of my closest friends with me! At the time I told myself it’s bc the women in my immediate family don’t get along and I don’t want to risk an argument during my fitting bc that would bring down the mood and that is not true at all! I just couldn’t admit to myself at the time that my mother would intentionally ruin the moment for me in some way! I couldn’t admit to myself that my mother would intentionally make me feel bad knowing how important that day would be for me.

I’m now 4 weeks no contact with her! She still sends the occasional text message telling me she misses me and loves me and I feel nothing most times but she sent me another message last night as I was watching a show and I broke down. As I watched the parent child relationship in front of me it was so heartbreaking to know that I’ve never had that and that I never will. Which is incredibly unfair!

[ladyseidr]

vanessa headcanons / portrayal notes but i'm too lazy to make her headcanon banner or even write coherent thoughts so you just get a bullet point list:

definitely a reluctant follower but as things progress she gets more. . . attached might be a strong word, but she stops hating glitch so much. this does not last once she escapes him obv

like it's literally: oh funny rabbit guy but this is a glitch i need to figure out -> okay i hate his vibe -> get out of my head i hate you -> i might as well learn to live with you -> i've completely isolated myself from all friends except you so i guess that makes you. . . almost a friend -> post-game deeply traumatizing by the violating of like. literally having her autonomy taken away from her

still carries deep guilt and resentment for the murders during moments where she's fighting back / he's not in control at all

vanessa is the only fucking character in fn.af who would genuinely seek therapy after every thing and i think she should get an award for that

researches the franchise + william af.ton in a lot of detail when The Hell Begins and is horrified but also has to deal with glitch being very fond of his very dead creator

basically, not in the suit: glitch is like an annoying little voice in her head who she has to stop herself from arguing out loud with in the supermarket

in the suit: he's like. not Literally in control but heavily, heavily, heavily influences her thoughts and actions. can make her think almost anything is the right decision

( okay it's not as simple as "in the suit" and "out of the suit," but you catch my drift. she can absolutely "come out of it" while wearing the suit, and she can def be under his control while not )

i said it before but: scene girl in high school. like, she has rainbow extensions when not under glitch's control, of course she was a scene girl

genuinely loves the glamr.ocks, despite everything

generally i don't want to go with her owning / being in complete charge of the pizza.plex because that's silly to me, but i don't have an alternative, esp because like who would it be??? i just shrug.

genuinely concerned abt gregory or any other kid who gets in, esp because she Knows What's Going On. she literally knows that she's a threat herself.

favorite animals? cats and horses

took the help wa.nted job because, like. she needed the money + she's absolutely a gamer so it seemed fun. especially because she had never played VR before

doesn't have a favorite color and will argue if you try to get her to pick. definitely enjoys bright colors, though

absolutely thought fazb.ear entertainment was full of shit from the start, but she wasn't actually that familiar with the history, so

literally will adopt gregory post-game. tries to act kind of like a big sister but never had any siblings so she's incredibly lost fdhskfashfjdlsah

introvert, but enjoys having a small, close group of friends. she ghosts them during the glitch stuff, but the ones that matter are there for her when she gets back ( and def understand when she. . . kinda explains what was going on )

although "i adopted a kid" "you w h a t " FDHFKDSHJFHS

has absolutely nothing to do with her parents, for valid reasons

completely traumatized post-game to the point that she questions whether her own thoughts are "really" hers. she seriously doubts her own sanity at times, is often scared she didn't "actually" get rid of glitch, and questions her ability ( and worthiness, given her actions under brainwashing ) to take care of herself, much less gregory

like i mention on her page, i'm open to writing any ending and don't treat one as canon on this blog. however, it should be noted that i'm not a fan of the burnt.rap ending ( fully biased by the fact that i don't like burnt.rap's existence ). that's not to say i'm not willing to write it, but i'm prob not interested in writing directly with burnt.rap himself

as also mentioned on her page, she's a lesbian, so there won't be any shipping with her and glitch or william ( or any man lmao ). if glitch still wants to be weird, that's on him, but she won't be receptive period.

loves creative stuff!! is an artist ( esp with pencils or digital, but can paint a bit ), enjoys decorating her apartment, and adores dressing up in pretty clothes!

also genuinely enjoys programming. yes, it is soured for her post-game.

will self-sabotage herself even pre-game ( eating nothing but takeout, not getting outside enough, isolating, etc ). therapy helps post-game.