#that’s the good thing about studying in a hospital. if I feel bad I’m already there lmao
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I headcanon Kaisa as being just slightly hypotensive. I’m thinking normal blood pressure around 11/7. Most importantly, I headcanon that occasionally it may drop and she knows, but doesn’t do anything about it.
So sometimes she’ll be in the library, and will be on her feet for too long, or maybe it’ll be too hot and she hasn’t let go of her cape, or maybe she even has been so caught up in her job that she hasn’t eaten or drink water in three hours. And she’ll begin sweating, and ignore it. Then she’ll feel lightheaded, and think it’s fine. And then her eyesight will get hazy, and she’ll think ‘nah, I can take it’. Then her hearing will sizzle and her mind will spin and she’ll still do nothing. And if someone’s nearby they’ll begin noticing she’s pale and unresponsive, and that’s because she’s trying to not fall down and wondering why she’s seeing dark spots. But mostly, that probably happens when she’s alone, so when she refuses to sit down and drink water/eat/lie down, she’ll just faint for a bit (on the hardwood floor. Ouch.) and get back within a couple of seconds (and just go about her day like nothing happened)
Anyway the place I’m trying to get to is: imagine Kaisa is hanging out with the Hilda gang for some reason, and at some point they notice the blood draining from her face and her eyes going unfocused and then she just drops unconscious on the floor with no prior warning. Imagine the chaos. Imagine Hilda about to slap her and being held back by David while Frida tries to remember the cpr training they had in the Sparrow Scouts. Imagine Kaisa waking back up suddenly and scaring the living shit out of them
Kaisa already has such undead vampire vibes, I just think that’d be hilarious 😭😭
#damn that’s how I know the academia is getting to me. I’m headcanoning BLOOD PRESSURE LEVELS#(btw I feel like I need to mention: having a lowered baseline blood pressure is GOOD. it’s PROTECTIVE. it HELPS.#walk around with a satchel of salt and you’ll be fine)#this post was brought to you by: me almost doing the same thing yesterday during my semiology practice lol#I walked away when I felt weak#went to get some water. came back to the patient’s history taking bc I felt fine#and then I felt worse! and I figured it’d be pretty weird to drop on the foot in front of the patient#poor dude was just there for his hemodialysis he was already being nice to the bunch of students#he did Not Need to see the chaos that one of them fainting right then and there would wreck#thank God some of the older students saw me trying to breathe deep on the chairs outside the dialysis room#they came to take my pressure and give me water and salt. angels <3#that’s the good thing about studying in a hospital. if I feel bad I’m already there lmao#anyway. I’m right about Kaisa.#kaisa hilda#the hilda librarian
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ANAESTHESIA | PART ONE
Success comes with a lot of perks. The way people view you changes. I only found out after I succeeded that success is meaningless when you have no one to share it with.
I lost the only family I had. I lost the desire to make a family too. So, I traded a family home for a nice car. You smiled as you open the door to your black Volvo S90. The car smelled of cinnamon and pumpkin spice thanks to the new air freshener you had bought yesterday.
The light brow leather seats were what initially caught your eye when you bought this car. But then again with the money you had been offered in your hospital transfer, it didn’t matter what the colour of the seats were.
Placing your shopping bags on the seat behind you, you began to drive home. Home was an apartment above the restaurant Farah had bought. Your best friend had moved to the city with you to start her dream of opening the best restaurant slash bar slash karaoke joint in the city.
You were so happy when she told you, so happy that you weren’t going to lose her too. Still there are things you lose that you never forget. Simon comes to mind whenever you think about that. Your parents were both dead, that’s something you couldn’t have prevented, but loosing Simon. You could’ve stopped that.
You remember the first day you met him like it was yesterday; Both troubled. He owned a motorcycle and you wore short leather skirts. He’d punch guys for looking you up and down but never discouraged you wearing those outfits, it was almost like he was glad to have a reason to inflict pain. He was rough and immature. But you were so young back then, it almost seemed normal.
You know better now.
You parked and made your way up the back steps to your front door, “I’m home!” You had barely taken your shoes off and slipped into your fluffy slippers when Farah came rushing out with a ladle in her hand.
“Here! Here! Taste this!” She pushed it against your lips and watched eagerly as you slurped down the rich tomato sauce. “Good?” She waited with raised eyebrows, only seeming to relax a little with my nod. “Ah I knew it was good! The new sauce for our pasta, I’ll have Frank make a bigger batch tomorrow.” She squealed and basically skipped back to the kitchen.
You laughed at her, such a cutie. Dropping your shopping bags by the door, you shrugged off your coat and followed her to the kitchen. Looking around to find saucepans and jars upon jars of red tomato sauce.
“Um Farah? Honey? I don’t think Frank will need to make anything with the amount you’ve already made.” You looked at her like she was a little crazy and maybe she was with the way she whipped her head around to look at you, left eye twitching slightly.
“But it needs to be fresh for the customers.” She almost pouted, you felt bad. Or you would have done if she didn’t look like she wanted to become an axe murderer just to hunt you down.
“Of course.” You backed out of the kitchen, slowly. “I’m gonna take a shower.” You whispered then darted out the room, making a run for the bathroom.
A long hot shower to wash away your day was exactly what you needed. You hadn’t even started yet officially, but you wanted to get a feel for the place. The massive place. It was three times as large as the last hospital you worked at, it had north, south, east and west wings and fourteen floors.
Infinity hospital was one out of four overpriced hospitals created by the Queen long before she passed. They were the top four hospitals in the country and you’d been asked to join the biggest and best one.
It had four huge cafeterias, one in each corner, and even sleep rooms for the doctors and nurses on call. Rooms with three bunk beds in each, scattered around the hospital for doctors on extra long shifts to rest. Common areas for studying and even a library there.
It was amazing when you’d gone in to see the place. You’d wanted to look around at your own pace and see exactly what you wanted to see not what the tour guide wanted when she rushed you around a week ago.
Then after hearing the commotion that a mob boss had a head injury and his gang was making a fuss about the doctor on call not being there. You pulled on your white lab coat and made your way to the emergency area, but they were already pushing you out the way for not being a male doctor. To say you had to fight some of the gang members was an understatement.
Your years of women’s self defence classes and jujitsu classes paid off as you kicked the gang out just as the boss had a hemorrhagic stroke. You rushed him to an emergency MRI to see he had bleeding on the brain.
A nurse you couldn’t remember the name of now, had told you how you couldn’t do the surgery as the on call doctor was in charge of all surgeries today. To then find out he’d left the building you’d scoffed and rolled your eyes moving swiftly to change into scrubs and perform surgery on the mob boss.
After the successful procedure, you passed the man over to the nurses to keep on top of his health until your rounds tomorrow. You even got a Thankyou from him when he woke up. Who knew your first day at your new job would be so eventful….and stressful.
Shopping was always therapeutic for you, so filling those bags that still sat by the front door was your way of blowing off steam after a hard surgery and a team of staff that were loyal to a surgeon who hadn’t even stayed at the hospital for any emergencies that could have happened.
You dried your hair, and got into bed ready to snuggle down after a long day when your phone dinged.
Come to level 8. East wing to discuss your actions today.
- DR. Riley
No.
You replied straight away and without hesitation. This doctor Riley could wait until tomorrow. It was midnight and you had an early and very long shift tomorrow. There was no way you were going back to the hospital now. Especially not to ‘discuss your actions’.
Must be the doctor in charge of the surgeries yesterday, you thought as you slowly drifted to sleep.
“Farah! I don’t tell you how to do your job, you don’t tell me how to do mine!” Frank huffed, looking down at the annoyed woman in front of him. Frank woods, a true gem that Farah had met during a culinary class. He had just quit his last job when Farah had contacted him about becoming the chef for The 141 restaurant. He snapped the job up quick.
“My job is to tell you how to do your job!” Farah scoffed, and the bickering continued.
“Why didn’t you tell me it started already?” Joseph Allen, courier by day, bartender by night came into the kitchen eyes on the pair fighting.
“They started early.” You answered, handing him a cup of coffee.
“How long they been at it?” He pulled up a stool next to yours and sat down.
“Ten minutes already.” You sipping your own coffee as you watched the entertainment in the form of Frank and Farah arguing about how the onions are supposed to be sauté.
“Okay I gotta get to work, fill me in later please. I wanna know who wins this time.” You giggle at Joseph who shakes his head with a laugh of his own but ultimately agrees to your terms.
You leave with a bye to the kitchen staff and head on over to the hospital. It was like fate when Farah managed to buy the building practically next to the hospital you had just been moved to. You took one last glance as the lit up 141 sign above the doors before heading over to start your shift.
Simon’s head was about to explode if he had to hear how great this new fellow was one more time. It was only breakfast and the cafeteria was full of people who were talking about how amazing she was.
So amazing she couldn’t even meet him to discuss her performing surgery on a patient without his consent. “Well don’t you look happy this morning. Someone spit in your coffee?”
“Piss off John.” He cursed the man who had placed his food tray on the table and sat down in the chair opposite him. Kyle sitting down next to John with a fat grin plastered to his face.
“Seen Johnny this morning? Need to go over some things for surgeries today.” John had asked Simon who seemed to be in a particularly bad mood this morning. But if the news spreading around the hospital was anything to go by, he could guess why.
“No. Why don’t you use this miraculous thing invented. It’s called a phone.” Simon gave him a fake smile before a real smirk began. “Though since they were invent before you were even born I suppose I can let it slide you not knowing and all.”
“Oh shut up.” John barked but laughed non the less. He was a good sport like that, he wasn’t even that old but his friends just loved to poke fun, even with the small age gap between him and Simon.
Pulling out his phone and hitting the contact named ‘Scotland Yard’ he put the device to his ear. A few rings and Johnny answered, the two discussed matters of the day while Kyle continued to tease a very grumpy Simon.
“I know there’s a new fellow but we don’t know if she’s even fully trained yet——yes I did hear about yesterday but-“ Johnny continued to argue with John about his beauty sleep being majorly important. He’d been assisting with all of John and Simon’s surgeries while the hospital looked for a new fellow after the last one left. Now that she was here he could finally get some rest.
The murmuring that was already loud in the north cafeteria began to get even louder. It had all three men looking around confused to see where the outburst had come from. A huge crowd of people drew them in, all of their eyes landing on the one thing they never expected to see again, you.
“John? John!” Johnny’s voice came through the phone but John couldn’t look away from you, couldn’t even form a single thought. “Ah fuck this. I’m coming down there.” The beep beep beep from the call ending was ignored just as much as Johnny had been. John was star struck looking at you how gorgeous you were. You didn’t look that different from that night, so beautiful under him and so willing. The picture forever burned into his memory, but he never thought he’d see you again.
Kyle’s eyes were wide as he watched you smile and shake hands of the staff that were gushing over you and your actions yesterday. After your break up he did so much to try and get over you, some things he’s not so proud of. Going to medical school because of your determination to be a doctor was something he was very much proud of. He thought of your patience every time he dealt with a difficult patient, he thought of you. But he never thought he’d see you again.
Johnny arrived from one of the sleep rooms where he’d been napping to see a crowd of people, unusual for Infinity. His breath caught in his throat when one of the members of staff moved to the right a little to reveal you.
You, his friends with benefits buddy that had eventually had him wanting more. Had him wanting dinner and a movie. Had him asking you to come with him to Scotland so he could introduce you to his parents at Christmas. Then things had turned sour, you had never wanted any of that. You made that clear and so had he. Getting attached wasn’t supposed to happen and finding your things packed up and gone when he was went to apologise the next day after your fight was like a wound on his heart that still throbs every time it rains. It was throbbing now, he never thought he’d see you again.
Simon had short circuited. He was sure someone would need to rewire him to work again. He was frozen. You, his Bonnie. The Bonnie to his Clyde, stood there all made up like you had been born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You hadn’t. Was your hair always that colour? He’d pushed you so far into the back of his head to forget his precious Bonnie that he couldn’t remember. Fuck, how could he not remember? But then again, he didn’t think he needed to remember. He never thought he’d see you again.
Yet here you were.
To be continued…
#elysianightsss#ANAESTHESIA MASTERLIST#doctor 141#141 x you#poly 141 smut#141 smut#poly 141#141 x reader#cod 141#task force 141#tf 141 x you#Surgeon Simon Riley#Surgeron John Price#Clinical fellow Johnny MacTavish#nurse kyle#simon riley x reader#john price x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#kyle garrick x reader#captain john price x you#simon ghost x reader#soap x reader#gaz x reader#john price x reader smut#simon riley smut#johnny mctavish x reader#kyle garrick smut#john price smut#ghost x reader smut#johnny soap mctavish x reader
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I wanted to talk about the side stories
Because @ladyteldra and I got some thoughts I'm incorporating in a fic. We might have thrown some of them out before?
Anyways
His Company (with a capital 'C', it's so well known it's just called The Company) does this
a third organization separate from guilds and the government, the company mediated any issues between the two other organizations in addition to taking care of monster invasions, guild inspections, and government audits among many other things.
His team seriously thought assassins might kidnap him
“…Do you think one of the illegal guilds attacked the team leader-nim’s house?” Agent Jung So Hoon’s voice was slightly shaking from anxiety. “Or maybe an assassin dispatched from overseas abducted the team leader-nim. Ah, I have a bad feeling about this. Doesn’t the team leader-nim live in the outskirts of the city? I’m sure the security there isn’t good either. Should I contact the Team 2 leader?” “Calm down. We will decide after going to the team leader-nim’s house.”
He's low key famous
Kim Rok Soo was quite famous not just in the company, but also throughout the industry and with the government and guilds. Although he had not known the name because this person doesn’t show himself in the media, he was the leader of Team 1, the greatest force in the company, as well as implicitly the leader of the company’s battle agents in the ‘Body.’ Furthermore, even the people in charge of the ‘Head’ were said to be unable to hold in their admiration at Kim Rok Soo’s abilities.
He had 0 mortality, always had a thorough plan, and really helped develop his people's talents
Team 1’s mortality rate was 0% since Kim Rok Soo became team leader. They had also not failed any of the missions they were assigned. Kim Rok Soo was said to come up with a thorough plan and complete the mission under any and all circumstances, even if he was lacking the resources to do so. Furthermore, many people’s abilities developed even further when they were in his team.
His team constantly worried about him
“Now I won’t need to worry about him dying!” His seniors showed their agreement at Agent Cha’s comments and smiles appeared on their faces.
Again a comment on the low casualty rate under his leadership, but also (from someone early after he took over as team leader)
There had been no deaths nor serious injuries on Team 1 since Kim Rok Soo became team leader. Although there were people who received minor injuries, nobody ever had to be hospitalized for longer than a few days because of a serious injury. Instead, the number of scars on Kim Rok Soo’s body continued to increase.
He probably got Instant around then? And was probably overdoing it already.
Choi Han, after getting Choi Jung Soo's memories, said he was able to realize Cale was Kim Rok Soo partly because he acted exactly the same.
So basically, we can picture Cale's time as team leader as, probably, him being exactly the same. Taking risks, overdoing it... But mostly in fighting monsters, doing government audits, and dealing with illegal guilds.
Also, again, he's famous.
And foreign governments may want to kidnap him.
We also know he studied monsters extensively, aided by Record no doubt, so I posit that he's probably the expert on monsters.
Which might be why they want to kidnap him? Not kill...kidnap. He's probably considered, like, a strategic resource or something
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Since spooky season is among us 7 or 8 would set those vibes 👀
Here is #7 from the picture game! I was hoping someone would request a spooky season one with this photo. It starts off pretty spooky but there is a lot of humor and stuff in there too. Also it’s kind of loosely based on that drama My Demon.
Warnings: Death, demons, small unwanted advancements, mention of hospitals and cancer
You looked around the room taking in the scenery as if it was all new to you even though you’d spent plenty of time there. Your grandma was a sweet woman. She really was, but sometimes you wondered what had happened in her life that caused her to become the way that she was now. She wasn’t always like this. Then one day she suddenly adorned her home with dozens and dozens of various crosses and pictures of the Virgin Mary. A bowl of Holy Water sat in each room. She recited prayers on the hour like her life depended on it. Even on her death bed it seemed to be the last thing she could think of. She held your hand as you studied her face trying to memorize every wrinkle and hair.
She hadn’t spoken in several days at this point. The nurses warned you to prepare for the end as it was near.
“Y/N”, she suddenly whispered with what little strength she had left.
Immediately you leaned forward, “I’m here grandma. I’m here. What do you need?”
“Y/N, I see him. I can see him. Do you?”
You looked around the room but it was only you and her. The nurse already having left for the night.
One of the pamphlets you read had talked about how hallucinations were common in the final stages of death. You remained quiet as your grandmother continued to mumble.
“Y/N, don’t make the same mistakes I have. I’m so sorry for what I did.”
You shook your head, “Grandma everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay. You did nothing wrong.”
“No Y/N. You don’t understand. If he ever comes to you, you run. You run away as fast as you can and don’t fall for his tricks.”
You were startled by her words but tried to remind yourself that the nurses told you this was normal and that it wasn’t really your grandmother talking any more.
“Y/N if you don’t remember anything I’ve ever taught you just please at least remember this. The Devil is real. And he's not a little red man with horns and a tail. He is beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel. And he’s here now Y/N. He’s here for me and I can’t avoid him any longer.”
She began to cry as her breath became even more ragged.
“Grandma it’s okay. It’s okay”, you said through tears trying to soothe her. You grabbed your phone to call the nurse hoping they could come administer some more sedatives or something. You hated seeing your grandmother cry in fear. But by the time the nurse picked up your grandmother had passed.
The nurse was at your door in no time. She helped you make the necessary phone calls and waited with you until the funeral home arrived. Once they were all gone and you were left alone sitting in your grandmothers room you stared at the now empty bed. The thought that your grandma’s last moments were filled with fear was more heartbreaking for you than anything else.
“Your grandmother was a good woman. I almost feel bad.”, a deep voice spoke behind you. You shrieked in fear jumping back against the wall.
“Who are you and how did you get in here?”, you screamed while frantically searching for your phone.
“Your grandmother just warned you about me. Were you not listening?”, he smirked.
You looked over this strange man who was standing in your grandmother’s bedroom. He had raven black hair and sleek cat like eyes. He was dressed in all black. His long cloak hanging lazily off of him. Skin without a single blemish. He looked like an angel.
“I’m sorry I’m still confused as to who you are and why you’re here.”, you said while slowly inching towards the door hoping you could make a run for it.
“Y/N, I’m here to collect what is mine.”
Your skin turned ice cold. Was he the man that your grandma had been seeing in her final moments? And how did he know your name?
The man let out an annoyed sigh before snapping his fingers teleporting you to an unknown location. The room was filled with thousands and thousands of clocks. All ticking away. The sound was overwhelming. Under each clock was a name plate. You gasped when you read the name under the clock directly in front of you.
Unlike the others your grandmothers clock wasn’t ticking any more and instead of being a beautiful gold color like the rest, it was gray.
“What is all this?”, you asked.
“Well I grant wishes.”
“Like a genie?”
“Yes…wait no not like a genie.”
“Well genies grant wishes so…”
“You humans really are insufferable.”, he scoffed before pinching the bridge of his nose, “As I was saying, I grant wishes for people in need. I come to them when they are the most vulnerable and in exchange for granting their wish they sign a contract stating that at the end of their life their soul will eternally be mine.”
You looked over this man trying to make sense of what he just said and why it involved your grandma.
“So what does this have to do with my grandmother?”
He grinned as he was happy to relive the moment, “Many many years ago I was at a hospital. It’s one of the easiest places to make a deal. People are willing to sign away their eternity if it means saving their loved ones or even extending their own time on earth. I came across your grandfather. He had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, given less than three months to live. He was worried how your grandmother would be able to survive without him. She had a young child at home, only working part time at a bakery. He was desperate to make sure she was taken care of. Soooo I made him a deal. At his next doctors appointment he would be magically cured and then would live the rest of his life cancer free and when he died as an old man warm in his bed, his soul would be mine.”
You stared at him in disbelief.
He continued, “When your grandmother found out she was livid. She tracked me down and begged me to make a deal with her. At first I declined because I make the deals, not some measly human. But she was relentless. I kind of admired her honestly. Finally I gave in and made her a deal. Instead of taking her husbands soul I would get hers. She spent the rest of her life thinking that cheap porcelain crosses and holy water would save her. She paid her dues and now her soul is mine for eternity.”
Tears brimmed your eyes as you shook your head backing away from him, “You’re a monster.”
“Well they don’t call me the devil for nothing babe.”, he smirked.
Your grandmothers words repeated in your head. The devil can be beautiful and here he was standing in front of you looking as bewitching as ever.
“So what happens to the souls after you take them?”
“They’re used to fuel the livelihood of hell. Kind of like you would put gasoline in a car.”
You scoffed, “Okay and what happens when people stop making deals with you and you can’t collect any more souls?”
The devil let out a loud laugh, “That will never happen. Humans are far too selfish and weak. They will always be willing to make a deal if it benefits them in some way.”
You glared at him as hard as you could but deep down you knew he was right.
“Well it’s been a pleasure Y/N.”
“Wait! How do you know my name?”
“Babe, I know everyone and everything.”
And with that he snapped his fingers and you were back at your grandmothers and alone and confused.
Tonight was going to be a good night. You were showered and moisturized and ready to go out and have a great time. You had just exited your shower and was walking your way to the bedroom when you were greeted by a familiar voice.
“Give it back.”
You jumped in shock making sure your were completely covered with the towel.
“Excuse me! You can’t just enter into people’s homes like this.”, you spat, “I could’ve walked in here naked.”
“And I could’ve just walked into your shower and saw you naked myself if I wanted to but I didn’t. So now give it back!”, he demanded really not in the mood for anything right now.
“Give what back?
“My powers?”
“You’re pow- What?”, you’d said walking into the living room.
“Where are you going?”
“To call the police like I should’ve the first time.”
The devil lunged forward and grabbed your wrist pulling you against him, “Y/N, you really don’t want to do that.”
“You smell like cinnamon and vanilla.”, you whispered.
His brows furrowed, “What am I supposed to smell like?”
“I don’t know. Smoke with a touch of sulfur.”
“Seriously? Do you also think I should have horns and a pointy tail?”
“Actually ye-“
He shook his head, “Never mind that. You’re getting me off topic. Give me back my powers.”
“What powers? I don’t have any powers. Trust me because if I did you wouldn’t be here right now.”
He ran a hand through his somehow still perfectly styled hair, “Ever since I met you my powers have been all out of sorts. You are the only thing that was different from my normal routine. So what did you do to them?”
“Listen devil boy, I didn’t take your powers. And I really don’t appreciate you thinking you can just show up here whenever you want either. You made a deal with my grandparents, not me.”, you said poking your finger into his chest.
He looked at you somewhat shocked. No one had ever had the nerve to speak to him like that and he had to admit that he kind of liked it.
He straightened up his jacket before stepping away to give you some space, “Okay first off my name isn’t devil boy. You can call me Yoongi. Secondly if you didn’t take my powers then what happened to them?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe you got fired or demoted or something.”
He snorted, “I am great at my job and I’m like literally the king of hell. Who’s gonna fire me?”
Rolling your eyes you grabbed your bag and started heading towards the door, “Look Yoongi I certainly don’t have your powers but if I come across them I’ll give you a call.”
You left him standing there alone and speechless.
“No thanks”, you said to the same guy for probably the 10th time. He didn’t seem to want to take no for an answer. “Hey I think I’m gonna get out of here and go home.”, you said to your friend. The noise and the people getting to be too much. She asked if you were okay by yourself which you were so you paid your tab and headed for the front door. As you waited for your ride a presence walked up next to you. Before you could react you were being dragged away down a dark alley next to the club.
“Since you didn’t want to play nice, now
I have to forcefully take it from you.”, said someone. You recognized the voice as the man who was insistent in the club earlier.
You whimpered while trying to break free of his grasp but he was significantly stronger than you were.
“Mmm you smell really nice.”, he said running his nose against your neck.
A loud bang rang through the air and smoke began to fill up the space around you. In an instant the man was thrown back against the opposite wall. Intimidatingly Yoongi stood next to you. He stared daggers at the man as he was picked up nearly twenty feet int he air before slammed back against the ground.
“If you ever even think about her again you’ll die instantly.”, Yoongi growled as he kneeled down next to the man.
He took the hint and hastily sprinted out of the alleyway somehow still in one piece.
“I thought you lost your powers?”, you questioned.
“Oh gee thanks for saving me Yoongi. That was really sexy of you. How can I ever repay you for that?”, he mocked in a high pitched voice.
You ran your tongue over your teeth before sighing, “Thank you for saving me Yoongi. That was really ANGELIC of you. I’ll repay you by getting out of your hair and going home.”
You tried to walk past him but he grabbed your wrist, “Not so fast Y/N. It seems like my powers are only strong enough when I’m near you.”
“Alright so what does that mean?”, you inquired.
He moved closer to you. So close you could feel the warmth of his breath on your cheek.
“It means that you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together.���, he smirked, “And I hope you’re ready for it babe.”
#bts#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfic#min yoongi#bts fanfic#bts x reader#yoongi x y/n#yoongi fic#yoongi angst#yoongi au
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Rumination
Ruminate
(v.) To think about something deeply
After Edward left her, Bella Swan fell apart. Desperate to try and save his eldest daughter, Charlie brings his youngest daughter to Forks to see if she can bring her sister out of her depression.
Now, y/n must try to help her sister find her way back to the light while also trying to navigate her Junior year of high school in the odd town of Forks.
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Chapter Eleven: Contemplation
Now Playing: Salt And The Sea by The Lumineers
Paul and I went to Port Angeles today. Bella was hanging out around Emily’s, and I was still sore with her. Like the first time she showed back up, Paul had taken my keys, grabbed my purse, and snagged me to whisk me away somewhere that would take my mind off my anger with my older sister.
We had seen a movie today. It was some crappy action movie, but it made me laugh.
We got lunch afterwards, sitting in my truck as we ate.
I don’t know why I decided to do it. Maybe it was how he shared about his dad, but I started rambling about Charlie and Renee.
“My parents were high school sweethearts,” I blurted, “They were together all four years. They got married as soon as they were both eighteen, and had my sister soon after.”
I studied my sandwich as I spoke, avoiding looking at anything else.
“The pregnancy was hard on my mom. She had postpartum depression bad, the only thing she could manage to do was feed my sister when she cried.” I recalled the stories Mom had said, her voice light and joking. I had always seen the pain behind her eyes as she remembered.
I continued, “Dad worked long hours at the station to try and cover bills, pay back the hospital, and scrounge up dinner. Mom got better after a while, but she lost some of her spark.”
“They had me about a year later. I think it was to fix the marriage.” I slowly take a sip of my slushie, thinking. I continue on, “Didn’t work, obviously. They lasted three more years before Mom grabbed us and fled Forks for California.”
I look at Paul from the corner of my eye, and he’s already looking at me. I feel like the breath is being punched out of me, his attentive silence making my heart pound.
I take a deep breath, steam-rolling on.
“They divorced. Charlie gave her almost everything she wanted. He still loved her so much. I think he still does,” I admit, “But not as someone loves their spouse. I think it’s more a mourning and appreciation for what they used to be, what they used to have. Mom’s always been a, uh, free spirit. She’s gone through hobbies and boyfriends like I go through clothes day to day. She tires of them, then goes looking for the next one to hold her interest.”
“I—” I cut myself off, organizing my jumbled thoughts for a moment, “My friends have goals in life, milestones they want to achieve. Graduation, university, marriage, kids, grandkids, retirement. It all sounds nice, but marriage never had a solid meaning for me. I saw how easily it could break. Nearly forty-eight percent of marriages end in divorce, according to Bella.”
I was quiet for a long moment before murmuring, “So I maybe that if you have an issue with expression your emotions, I’m sure I have an issue with pessimism.”
He was quiet for a good moment, and I was afraid that maybe I said too much. Then, without a word, he reached out and put his heavy hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his knuckles.
---
Edward bribed Alice into kidnapping my sister for two days so she wouldn’t visit Jacob. I sprayed Jacob’s cologne in her vents and her clothes.
It was a nice enough day, and I had gone for a hike. Jacob, while patrolling, had come by a few times to check on me. Sam had, also, and around noon was when Paul showed up.
His hulking wolf form no longer startled me, and I wordlessly passed him the bacon I had saved from this morning. He huffed, taking it delicately from my hand and sitting down beside me.
“I heard Quil imprinted,” I told him, having heard from Jake. “I’m happy for him, Jake said she’s a girl from his school, too, in the class beside his.”
Paul remained quietly looking out at the scenery with me, but he tilted his head towards me to hear better.
“Though, I’m still confused on the whole imprinting thing,” I admitted, “I asked Emily and Sam, but they didn’t give me a clear answer about it.”
At my words, Paul turned fully to look at me. I stared back, wondering what he was thinking. He huffed, sounding like he was sighing, before nudging me up and back towards the trail.
The two of us walked back to the house for dinner, and I went inside while he went over to the shed to change back. Bella was over, apparently rescued by Jacob, and I looked at her for a long moment before Embry drew me into conversation.
I won’t lie and say I didn’t miss my sister. I did. Desperately. But I was still hurt that she would choose the Cullens over her own family.
Lunch was normal. We had burgers again, since there was a sale on ground beef, and everything felt like it did in February.
I clung to this shred of normalcy, fearful of when it would no longer be an option.
---
My allusion of normalcy was shattered when Bella went right back to Edward as soon as the hunting trip was over. Jacob had stormed back in and told me that she still thought it was none of our business what happened to her, that she was still set on becoming undead.
I didn’t have the energy to cry, or to yell. I didn’t even have the energy to be surprised.
Jacob had stormed back out at my lack of reaction, and I watched him go passively. I sighed.
I slept for most of the day, woken up around noon by a call.
“Hello?” I asked, my voice raspy from sleep. I rubbed my eyes, taking a deep breath to try and wake up.
“Y/n, a vampire was at the house. Not Victoria, someone new. I need you to tell the pack that, and—” my sister hurriedly explained, and I woke up quickly with her explanation.
Tipping out of my bed, I ran back towards the living room.
“Sam—” I started, nearly falling over when I scrambled around the corner, “Sam, a new vampire was at my house, Edward smelled it!”
Immediately, Jacob was reaching for my phone. He spoke into it quickly, interrogating my sister and Edward. They decided that I would stay here, still, and that Jacob would go see if he recognized the scent since Carlisle didn’t.
I waited anxiously for a verdict, and Sam started drafting new patrol routines.
Bella sent a text after a while, Possible murderer in Seattle, maybe linked. Let you know more when I do.
“I can’t believe this shit,” I muttered, “Why can’t this nightmare be over yet?”
---
We had a bonfire tonight. Bella was driven over by Edward, and I gave him a long look when I collected her. Emily was with me, grabbing her bags as I held my sister’s hand. The three of us traveled down to the beach, and we set her things down at our blanket.
Bella was sitting on a log across me, Jacob leaning on her knees from his seat on the sand.
He was idly roasting a hotdog, bickering with Paul over it. He relented, though, handing the skewer over to him. He took it, putting it on a bun and reached for condiments.
Embry tried to sneak a bite of it, only to get Paul’s massive hand shoving his face away. In his distraction, I reached around him to pinch off a piece of it, popping it in my mouth as he turned to scowl at me.
I smiled at him, handing him the ketchup. He rolled his eyes, dressing his hotdog and eating it quickly.
When he was finished, he leaned back against the log I was sitting on and told me, “Tell Bella to sit down wind next time, all I smell is Leech.”
I snort, “What does it smell like, anyway?”
He thought for a moment, putting words together, “Like dust, but in an old folk’s home.”
I laugh, overjoyed at the revelation.
I was about to speak again when Billy cleared his throat to begin telling stories.
———
Hey guys! Sorry for the super late update, today was actually hell 🫠 school sucks and I hate it but whatevs I guess
Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!! I’ll likely update again over the weekend bc I’ll be traveling tmr 💕
Once again, if yall have any ideas you want me to write, please lmk!! Anyways bye bye pookie 🥰
#eclipse#new moon#paul lahote#paul lahote x reader#twilight#x reader#bella swan#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#jacob black#vampires#team edward#team jacob#werewolves#quil atera v#quileute#forks washington#esme cullen#emily young#jared cameron
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Dr. Dixon | Chapter 1
Summary: You just moved to a new city, with a job in Alexandria Hospital on the Pediatric team. You were happy and anxious to work with friends and finally meet your mentor’s former pupil who he talked fondly about. You just didn’t expect he was going to be your last night’s one nightstand and that he was nothing like your mentor had described.
Pairing: Doctor! Daryl Dixon x Doctor! Reader
Warnings: smut, sex, casual sex, protected sex, p-in-v, bathroom sex, alcoholic beverages, Daryl. 18 + MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.
A/N: Not really sure if it all went the way I wanted, but I quite proud of this first chapter. I hope you enjoy it. 🩷 Not proof read.
Chapter 2
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Chapter 1 - Doctor Dixon
You entered the bar not really knowing what you were looking there. Maybe an escape, a way to not be so anxious about the upcoming day or maybe you just wanted to feel less bad for being at your friends’ house till you find a place for yourself. You hated disturbing people, even if they said you weren’t.
Going out alone wasn’t really your thing, but from time to time it was a good thing to do. The bar wasn’t exactly full, but it wasn’t empty either. You went for a stool near to the counter, where it seemed to have less strange people.
“A piña colada, please.” You asked the bartender.
“Yer not expecting to get boozed by this, are ya?” A stranger sitting by your side said.
You looked at him and couldn’t feel annoyed or anything, you also felt his comment wasn’t mean at any rate. He was a handsome especimen, shoulder length brown wavy hair, bright blue eyes, a smirk on his lips and his tall and well buit frame made an impression.
“I don’t need a booze, I just want a drink.” You said while analyzing him, at his hand he had a glass of what you presumed was Whysky. “Can’t say the same about you, apparently you go for the strong things.”
“Hmm…” he hummed, didn’t say anything.
“Not my business, but Did you have a rough day?” The bartender brought your drink and you started sipping from it.
“Kinda.” He clearly didn’t want to talk about it , but you didn’t want to listen too. It was just something that made you want to talk to him.
“Hmm” This time you were the one that hummed.
“Ya ain’t from here, are ya?” He asked, nit that the city was small, it was a big city. Impossible to know everyone. But just by looking at you, he knew you were new.
“No, but you aren’t from here too.” You could see it all over him, his body language, his accent and the way he spoke.
“Nah, but I’ve probably been here longer than ya.” He answered.
“Indeed.” You said and went back to your drink.
By some strange reason that you couldn’t pin point why, you felt like you needed to continue talking to him. Not just because he was attractive, but mainly because he was having a simple, casual conversation with you without being a jerk or trying to hit on you. And because of all this a sentence that you never expected coming out of your mouth was released before you could even stop your thoughts. “Wanna release the stress?”
His eyes that were studying his glass so attentively went back to your figure and he tried to read in you if you were implying what he thought you were implying. You looked back at him and tried to not avert your eyes from his, the words had already left your mouth. Now you needed to be bold.
“I’m giving you 2 minutes, if you don’t come I’ll leave, pretend this never happened and never come back to this bar.” You took a last portion of your drink and left the stool going in the bathrooms direction.
Once inside the bathroom you leaned against the cold wall right beside the entrance door while reality hit you of what you had just done. Did you really make that offer to a complete stranger that you didn’t even knew the name? Yes, you did and despite feeling this was a little bit crazy, you couldn’t feel anything else besides of the adreline, of your moment of boldness, running through your vains.
For a moment Daryl thought that should be a joke, he meant… you were beautiful, cute and probably younger than him. You looked as if you were on your 30s, maybe even on your later 20s. He couldn’t know for sure. You were so direct and casual about it, also he felt comfortable throughout all of your little chit chat. He decided he would go after you, he would accept your proposal. What could possibly go wrong? He’d never see you again.
Had 2 minutea already passed? You thought so. You didn’t had a Watch and you weren’t really looking at your phone for the ours. It was time to live, you thought. You turnes around to live and was face to face with the man, or better face to chest since you look up if you wanted to see his face.
“Thought… you weren’t coming.” You said, your cheeks ligerally blushed at being caught about to leave.
“I thought I wasn’t coming…” he honestly answered. “D’ya really want this?”
“Yea.” That was the only word that left your mouth before you pressed your chest against his and crashed your lips.
He tasted o whisky, peppermint and tobacco, and strangely you liked it. You yanked him by his shirt and without breaking the heated kiss your feet guided you to the farthest toilet inside the bathroom and he charged himself with the duty of closing the door to give both of you as much privacy as you could get.
You were so sweet and smelled so well that he was sure he had never had someone like you before. He held your left thigh and brought it up his was waist pressing his crotch against yours. You broke the kiss seeking for air and he took the opportunity to descend his mouth from your jaw to your neckbone. Eliciting little sighs and moans from you. Was he really having something like you?
Your hand grasped his hair pressing his face more against you, while your hips rubbed against his. His hand came to the cleavage of your dress and pulled it down exposing your breast, you gasped surprised with the sudden act. He brought your other leg up, making your legs embrace his waist.
You went for his mouth again, your bodies impossibly pressed against each other and the wall. His hand now hovered your clothed pussy and she pulsed for him, he pressed his hand against you exercing some presure where you needed. Your hands descended to his pants undoing his belt and opening it to touch him.
His mouth softly but also harshly mouthed your breasts each at a time giving the attention that such beautiful pieces like yours deserved. You took his cock out of his boxers pumping it, caressing it… in your mind you thouched him frantically, despaired and firmly. On his skin he felt it, oh, so tender and delicately like nobody had ever touched him and at the same time it felt like you were sending him to heaven.
One of your hands started going up from his groin to his stomach and that was when his hand held yours before you could go any further and touch what you weren’t supposed to, see what you shouldn’t. Before you could notice anything he took both your hands up your head and held them against the wall using only one of his hands and suffering with the loss of contact from your hand on his length.
He reached his backpocket for a condom while you aimlessly trusted your hips against him. He teared the package with his teeth before putting the protection. You could have complained about him restraining your hands from touch him, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t like the way he was being imposing at the moment.
He put your panties aside and rubbed the tip of his cock on your heat and that was enough to make your eyes roll and a moan scape your lips. You trusted your hips against him in hopes of sinking down on his cock and he understood the message, too damn well. Going deep inside of you in one swift movement. He groaned and you gasped, you had never felt so full like this. What was this man!? He gave you some seconds before he started to move, trusting steady and hard in you. Each trust a groan and moan escaping both of your lips, the possibility of other people entering the bathroom long gone from your worries. There was only pleasure and the chasing for the bliss that would fog your minds for the rest of the night or at least you hoped for it.
Your lips battling each other while you vigorously bucked your hips against one another, that so familiar and delicious turmoil building at your lower stomach. Your walls contracting around him threatening to send him to the edge. But he couldn’t let it go without you, no not you that offered this moment to him. You deserved it, you owned it, he refused to let the beautiful stranger he met on the bar down. His free hand went down encountering your clit and stimulating, caressing and working it while he trusted inside of you right at that spot making you see stars when you convulsed in pleasure against and around him. His own pleasure coming afterwards. Your moans, whimpers and groans muffled by your attached lips.
The other day you woke up early, you had to show up at the Hospital at 8am. You got yourself ready and went downstairs for breakfast. You were staying at your friends’ house while you looked for a nice place to rent. Michonne and Rick Grimes were being too gentle to you and you didn’t want to take too much advantage from their hospitality. You started preparing breakfast when Mich came to the kitchen.
“Good morning! What time did you get home yesterday? I didn’t hear you arriving.” She asked opening the fridge to take more ingredients to prepare the food the children liked.
“Good, that was the intention, arrive and don’t disturb anyone.” You answered while you added some salt to the scrambled eggs you were preparing. “It was around 2.”
“Two???” Michonne inquired and looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “What were you doing missy?”
“I met a guy.” You answered. Simply.
“So you did get laid!” She teased you. It wasn’t that you didn’t get laid often… well you didn’t, but that was your kore reserved nature.
“Who got laid?” Rick asked entering the kitchen and Michonne said your name.
“Thank you Mich, now I’m really embarrassed. That’s the price for the rent in this house?” Your cheeks were red. One thing was talking about sex with you bestie from university, the other was involving her husband in the talk.
“I’m taking as it was good, since you arrived that late.” She ignored you.
“Aren’t you afraid the children will listen?” You questioned.
“Jude and RJ are knocked out at this time, they’ll only wake up with their babysitter.” Rick said casually, the couple had 3 children, Judith and RJ the youngest ones, and Carl, the oldest, that was at college. “So I guess we can tease you the whole breakfast.”
“I hate you. Both of you.” You told them.
“Nah, you don’t.” Michonne told you and nudged you with the side of her hips.
You felt like a kid going to a new school at the first time, and Rick and Michonne were your parents. You arrived all together at the Hospital and they took you to Hershel Greene’s office, the Medical Chief of the Hospital. You had already talked before, for the interview, it was online and you had to use an app for that.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you in person Dr. Greene.” You shook his hand.
“The pleasure is mine! Dr. Dixon is coming in a bit, I already beeped him. I believe you already know him, his mentor in specialization was the same as yours.” He said. Oh, Daryl Dixon… your mentor had talked so much and fondly about him that sometimes you were even jealous. “He’s the Chief of the Pediatric Department.”
“Oh, I heard about him. Dr. Foster talked a lot about him, but unfortunately we didn’t have the chance to meet each other.” You replied.
“Well, I see that you are already good friends with Dr. Greene, so I’m going to let you in his hands. I have to see a patient before a surgery.” Michonne said before turning to leave the office and encounter with no other person than Dr. Dixon himself. “Look, here he is!”
You turned yourself to greet and introduce yourself to your new boss and was shocked to say the least, you almost choked on your spit. Dr. Dixon gave a small jump with the sight of you, which could go unnoticed for anyone, but it wasn’t for Michonne. Also, she saw how your eyes popped when you saw him. The man from the bar. The kind stranger that fucked you so good against a wall that you thought no one else would do it so good like him.
You breathed deeply before speaking. You said your name and last name and hold your hand to him. “It’s pleasure to meet you, Dr. Foster talked a lot about you.” You offered a shy small smile to the very serious man.
He looked at your hand and completely ignored it, then he looked at your eyes and it seemed as his blue orbs would make a hole on your soul. “Didn’t know now he was taking mediocre people as his apprentices. Maybe, ‘cause you were there to entertain him instead of learning.”
That was painful, it stabbed like a knife. You didn’t know why he was being like this. Before you could say anything, Hershel intervened. He knew how Daryl could be, but he was just being too much. “That’s not how you welcome a new co-worker, Dr. Dixon.” And then the old man turned to you. “Don’t care too much about it, he’s just in a bad mood today.”
He shouldn’t. He had no reason to be on a bad mood. You mean, you woke up as if the world was light, sweet and sunny. The only reason for him to be acting like this is that he was probably afraid of you telling every. Which you wouldn’t.
“Dr. Dixon, you’re responsible for our new doctor today. Show her around the hospital, the offices of the clinic and of course the room of the team where you’re working together.” Hershel commanded the younger man. “Please, try to behave.”
Daryl grunted and left the room, you took a quick look at the others and noticed Hershel wanted you to follow the other Doctor and Michonne had that look of “we’ll talk later about this.”.
You walked behind him trying to accompany his fast and long steps. You passed in front of places and he just shouted the names of it, without looking at you or explaining things correctly.
“Can you stop?!” You fastened your pace and stopped in front of him.
“Nah, I can’t. Now, move!” He tried putting you aside but you planted your feet strongly on the ground.
“Why are you acting like this? Are you afraid I’m telling someone? I won’t, ok?” You tried to mend things with him. “Now can you stop being an asshole?”
“Can ya stop trying to get yerself fired?” He threw it back at you, not that he really had the power to get you fired. Maybe just from his department.
“I’m not going to jump on your dick.” You said it low enough for only the two of you to hear. “Can you just be professional like any other normal human being?”
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#daryl dixon#the walking dead#the walking dead daryl#twd daryl#daryl x reader#twd#deansapplepie#daryl fanfiction#daryl x y/n#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon fanfic#daryl dixon the walking dead#daryl#the walking dead daryl dixon#daryl x you#doctor dixon#doctor dixon au
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The Stupid Closet (26)
Happy Sunday release day everyone! Sorry this one is a little late, I’ve had a busy weekend. I appreciate your patience and support!
Good luck with this one, enjoy! ;)
—————-
You and Theo start studying until he changes his focus, “Hey I’m sorry for what Mclaggen said to you, that guys a dick.”
“Oh, uh…it’s ok. I learned that he likes to get under people’s skin a long time ago. Two weeks into dating actually…that’s why I broke up with him.:”
“That was in 5th year, right?”
“Yeah, the stupidest year of Hogwarts for me.” You laugh, him laughing as well.
It’s only 4:37 when suddenly, Pansy bursts into the library, “Mattheos in the infirmary”
“What?” You stand up right away, closing your books.
“He’s fine but Pomfrey has to fix his nose, Cormac threw a spell at him and broke it” She explains as she catches her breath.
“Cormac? Mclaggen?” You ask, freezing in your shoes.
“They got into a massive fight, Mattheo beat the shit out of him…Cormac didn’t look so good”
Instead of worry, you purse your lips, feeling angry. Mattheo went against your clear wishes that you pleaded with him about.
“Thanks Pansy.”
“Sure, he should be heading to Dumbledore’s office soon so I’d wait until after that” She pitifully smiles before walking back out, leaving you and Theo alone again.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Theo asks, standing up.
You turn to him, “Uh no it’s ok Theo, I should do this alone. Thank you though,” You gather your books, “I’m so sorry, I’ll make it up to you”
You walk out of the library and make your way to Dumbledore’s office waiting outside the phoenix statue. It feels like time passes by slowly but you only wait about 12 minutes before Mattheo appears, leaving the office.
He sees you and stops, fixing his shirt cuffs.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” You ask, already raising your voice.
“I don’t feel like being yelled at right now” He shakes his head and starts walking. You follow him, right on his heels.
“Well that’s just too damn bad Mattheo. I asked you not to do anything and yet I find out you practically mangled him and got a broken nose yourself?”
“He had another thing coming, that jackass deserved so much worse than he got.” He responds, stopping in an empty hallway.
“You could be expelled for this, do you understand that? You fucked up”
“Yeah well I wasn’t so it’s fine” He says, with a bit of aggression in his voice.
“That’s not the fucking point! I begged you to leave it alone and then you went behind my back and put him in the damn hospital!” You’re shouting at this point. “That’s fucking insane Mattheo! Do you not get that?”
“I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you” he shrugs and waits for a response.
“You promised me. You said you would leave it alone but then you deliberately waited until I left to go do this. You knew you were hiding it from me.” You say, seething.
“I was trying to defend you here and suddenly I’m the bad guy?” he points to himself, shifting his weight.
“I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t need you to save me. I can fight my own battles but you never listen do you? You think you have to be the big, tough guy who always beats up any guy that even crosses my path but you’re really just being a dick” You yell, practically running out of breath.
“Well I wouldn’t have to do it if you weren’t slutting it up everywhere!” He shouts.
You take a step back, almost shocked at what he just said. You part your lips and feel the breath knocked out of your lungs. The silence in the air is suffocating for a minute before you finally speak up.
“You know you being a massive asshole was so much easier to take when I hated you” You say quietly, staring at him. He returns the favor, the eye contact burning.
“Well then maybe we should just go back to that.” He says shortly.
You still stare at him, as you respond emotionless, “fine.”
He doesn’t say a word but doesn’t look away. You shake your head, scoffing before you look back at him one more time. You had never seen his dead eyes so present.
You clench your jaw before turning around and walking away without another word. That was it, you were done. If that’s how he truly felt, then maybe it was time to accept that maybe your connection wasn’t what you thought it was.
You walk back to the Slytherin House completely pissed off. You go up to your dorm, Pansy there with Daphne.
They greet you but you don’t respond, instead you go directly to your dresser and take out all of Mattheos shirts and hoodies one by one. You go to grab the last one, the first one you wore which you had mistaken for Theos…you pause for just a moment before setting it back down to keep it.
“Woah what’s going on?”
“We’re done.” You simply say before gathering all of the clothing and walking out, beelining towards Mattheo’s dorm. Pansy and Daphne both follow you.
“Now hold on, let’s slow down” Daphne suggests.
You ignore her until you reach his door. You turn and look at Pansy expectedly, wanting her to open it for you.
“Don’t you want to think about this first?”
“No.” You say coldly.
She sighs as she looks at you for a second before you raise your eyebrows, signaling again.
Without a word, she opens the door for you. You don’t even walk in, instead you just throw the clothes all over the room.
“What the hell is going on?” Theo says from behind you.
“Theo wait” Pansy holds him back as you turn around.
“What happened when you went to talk to him?” Theo asks calmly, watching you.
“Nothing. We broke up, that’s it.” You say emotionless. They didn’t need to know what happened.
Theo and Pansy look at each other, Daphne hanging back a bit. You didn’t know her quite as well so she was still unsure if she should be here.
“Ok why don’t we go back to our dorm and talk about it?”
“No, I need a smoke, I’m going up to the astronomy tower.” You say before walking into the room and taking a cigarette and a lighter out of Mattheo’s nightstand.
You walk out and right past them, heading towards the common room.
“Well I’m going with you then…” Pansy suggests.
‘No you’re not.”
“Come on, you cannot be alone right now…” She adds.
“Well then I want Theo to come instead.” You say as you stop walking.
She hesitates before turning to Theo to see his response.
“Come on then.” He says before walking down the stairs, you following. You just didn’t want to be around Pansy right now, you knew how mad you were and she would want to get all of the details out of you…you needed time to cool off.
You get all of the way to the tower without saying a word to Theo, walking at a pretty steady pace. Once you get up, you’re thankful Mattheo isn’t there.
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#hogwarts fanfiction#slytherin#harry potter#slytherin boys x reader#theo nott#slytherin boys#mattheo#mattheo riddle#mattheo x you#mattheoxreader#mattheo angst
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s4 episode 14 thoughts
(after having seen this episode, i can confidently announce that it is making the top 15!!! god it was just!! so incredible!!! the undying devotion to each other!! i want to frame the way he cups her cheeks!!! i'm crying! you're crying! everyone cried!!!!!!!!)
ah, this episode. i have seen this one mentioned before. i’m interested to see if it was for good reasons or for bad reasons. i can tell that it will be angsty and hurt my feelings, but whether that is written in a way i approve of or not is hard to predict after my intense fight with last episode! and how mean mulder was!
so. reading this description. he’s going to look for answers for her. oh my god. AGAIN. not a mere coworker thing. but i digress. i have a feeling i’ll need to forget that part about their whole power dynamic from the last episode in order to move forward.
also a little confused as to what the title is going to mean... i know it refers to a reminder of mortality, but in my art history course we looked at a bunch of memento mori art where skeletons just. burst into rooms. and interrupted dances. and i don't really want to see that today.
entering my forgetting mode…. okay. okay. i think i’m here. memory is blank. i am neutral. let us begin.
OH MY GOD SCULLY OPENING MONOLOGUE. okay hold it together. HOLD IT TOGETHER.
wait she’s writing something. who is she writing to? damn, she is very poetic when she puts her mind to it.
“hope you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you” wait. wait hold on. wait hold on….. wait. (insert that sobbing cat image here)
she thinks she is going to DIE?????????
is she writing a letter to go with her will or something?!?!?? wah…. WAHHHHH
she holds an x ray of her brain (i think that’s what it is, sorry to the stem girlies if it’s some sort of other genre of scan) that clearly shows a tumor………..
:( :( :(
mulder has flowers!!! he is asking where to go in the hospital instead of just looking for the sign directly in front of him. this shows that he is very worried.
he sees her through a window and stares a bit…… before he comes in the room
“i, uh, i stole these from some guy with a broken leg down the hall. he won’t be able to catch me” <- you absolute liar saying ANYTHING to make her smile. oh my god and it WORKED and she’s smiling and he’s smiling and i’m gonna cry already
look at how he’s looking at her…….. i cannot reconcile this with the last episode at all. i’m sorry, i cannot. and for this reason i once again toss it out of my mind.
HE’S THE ONLY ONE SHE’S CALLED!!?!!?!?? their relationship. it's just. so.
oh my god, she says she has cancer, and he immediately assumes it has to be treatable. she has to tell him it doesn’t seem to be. his unwavering faith...
“i refuse to believe that” <- oh my GOD. oh my GOD. his face his eyes oh my god. he cannot lose her.
“for all the times that i have said that to you, i am as certain about this as you have ever been” SCULLY NOOoOoOOoo
(it must be so horrific to be a doctor and know exactly how you’re dying and that there is nothing you can do…)
he looks so utterly lost and she is trying to hold it together to tell him that if it progresses, she will have no chance of survival.
“i don’t accept that”, he says, stuttering in disbelief; “there must be some people who’ve received treatment for this. we can….” he fails to finish that thought
(his unwavering belief for even a second that they could find a way needs to be studied in a lab. this man is so intrinsically loyal to the 3 people he holds close it actually makes my heart hurt. i feel aching in my chest)
oh my god he is the DEFINITION of “everything i let go of is covered in claw marks”. he cannot BEAR to lose anything else. he is grasping so firmly to the idea that there HAS to be a way. and she is trying to be resigned to her fate. how strong she is, i think, as she puts on her bravest face, telling him she is going to die.
oh my god, she has to tell SKINNER???? what the fuck. i never even CONSIDERED that. he says he is so sorry while mulder is twisting around in the background because he cannot stay still in moments of stress; i’m recalling how he bounced his basketball up and down, up and down when she was in her coma
they’re going to try and track down the women from allentown they met last year who they talked to about the abductions and the neck implants before she begins any treatment. skinner is reminding them both that they have access to the best treatments in the country. but scully must know that the best isn't enough.
scully says she wants to pursue this through the justice department whilst mulder nods enthusiastically. skinner seems confused but he acquiesces. what else can you do?
so they go to allentown, where they are informed that betsy (the main woman that scully had spoken with regarding the abduction experience) just passed away. and the realtor doesn’t want to let them in before her garage sale, but mulder POINTEDLY pulls out his badge AGAIN, and you know his ass is going in whether she likes it or not.
(the angry way he pulled out that badge did something to my heart)
scully is having terrible flashbacks from the last time she was here. poor girl...
the realtor is watching mulder pick up the phone and scully points out someone is sending a fax! realtor is just standing there. with hate in her heart.
they go down to the basement and find…. a computer. that someone is copying all of the files from remotely!! some guy named kurt is allegedly copying all that information down. off to kurt’s place. who are, you kurt? a force for evil, i assume?
he is not answering the door and mulder is going to to check the back instead of just wait there because again, he cannot sit still for a minute. and bam! they find kurt. woah. mulder takes him down QUICK.
NO NO NO. she’s bleeding from her nose….. she says she’s fine. “quit staring at me, i’m fine” <- oh she is so not fine. those are not the words said by someone who is fine.
(after having seen this episode, i still can't stop thinking about this interaction. how angry she seemed to be seen as someone worth pitying or worrying over. how she must have known that would keep happening in the future, how she wanted to hold onto her agency for however long she had left in this world. there was fury in there to cover up the terrible insecurity that comes from fate being out of your hands and the perceived, if not intended, condescension of needing to be cared for. because she is the one that does the caring, and not the other way around. and how she tried so hard to keep working despite knowing the time was ticking, to tell mulder to stop worrying about her, keep his eyes on the mission and off of her... there's so much to be said)
more blood is dripping into the sink in the bathroom. mulder is knocking on the door, asking if she is okay.
(oh my gooood, i’m not sure which angle of angst is worse here: mulder watching scully suffer, blaming himself for if he cannot find a cure OR scully having to carry on through her sickness and see how terrible it is for people around her to grieve her while she’s still living)
this kurt fellow claims he was in the same UFO network, and was copying the files as betsy had told him to. he ran because he thinks the government is trying to suppress that information. hmm. mulder seems to believe him. but they can’t cross check him….
she asks why not, and mulder won’t answer.
kurt says that all of the women scully met last year died from brain cancer, except for one who is in the hospital named penny, and it doesn’t look good for her.
kurt is insisting that this is in fact a conspiracy, but mulder says he needs to talk to scully. and he walks her out of his view.
oh my GOD i need to copy this whole exchange down hold on….
“i want you to listen to me” “about what?” “about what you won’t admit to yourself- what you’re denying” “what am i denying?” “where your cancer came from” “mulder, it doesn’t matter” “it does matter. if what you have is a result of your abduction and that abduction is something the government knows about, then those are facts that should be brought to light” “i don’t know what happened to me. i have no clear recollection. and i don’t think these abductions are even abductions”
(and when she said that line, she was so furious, thinking the distinction didn't matter in the face of impossible odds, but he insists that it does, because justice ought to be brought to light- and it's not him circling back to UFOs like he always does out of his own self-interest, it's him trying every so gently to break to her that this could be something much bigger than them, a way that she was wronged that ought to happen to no one else- but she still cannot even begin to process it)
“all these women are dead” “no, they are not. one woman isn’t- this penny northern”
(and the desperation in that line as well; there was anger there, a need to pull on any and all threads, so needed that it blew her cool cover about how detached she seemed to her own mortality- she wants to live)
“mm-hmm. if you won’t listen to me, then i think you should go talk to her”
(the gentleness here, how he is trying to softly nudge her, how carefully he keeps his voice even despite the audience KNOWING that he just wants to shake her, beg her to do anything at all that could help her)
“about what? what it feels like to be dying of cancer? what it’s like to know that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?”
(oh my god the FURY in her voice here… how she was trying to fight back her voice cracking)
“if that’s too hard for you, then i think you should go as an investigator. you have one remaining witness, agent scully. i’d think you’d want to know what her story is”
oh my god the subtle “agent” in there… the way he’s trying to remind her that she is capable and can maybe find a way out of this, just maybe. the way he kept his voice so even the entire time like he was putting every effort he had into it.
i think that conversation will haunt me forever.
(god those two were ACTING. i just KNOW that when they got that script they were excited as fuck)
scully goes to visit penny, who remembers her, saying she held and comforted scully “in the place”
scully carefully tells her that she doesn’t remember this, but penny assures her that’s okay. penny thinks she’s here to ask about dr. scanlon, who is treating the cancer, and treated betsy’s too. my money is bet on the fact that he is actually making them worse….
apparently dr. scanlon thinks he figured it out what causes this kind of cancer. and scully has tears in her eyes. oh my god. is she believing the scanlon propaganda...?
mulder is going through a bunch of files with kurt, then he's on the phone with her. “now call me an early bird, but i think i found something” <- oh my god he’s such a nerd, even when he’s fighting for scully’s life….
he thinks this whole thing is connected to a local fertility clinic, but she doesn't want to hear his theories- she’s asking him to please bring the overnight bag from the car, and call her mom to ask for some things so she can be admitted for treatment.
his breathless “is there anything i should know?” and her answer: “mulder, whatever you found, or whatever you might find, i think that we both know that right now the truth is in me… and that’s where i need to pursue it. as soon possible”
AND HE SAYS HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE 😭😭
see, this is what i love about them. how they can say so much with so few words, how they would do anything for each other; if one of them needed the moon, the other would start researching how to tear it from the sky. this bond that is so… it’s back to the old question, are soulmates natural or are they formed? with them, they just seem to have that connection. and even when their differences might lead them to fight, it is just a underlying current, that togetherness. and it seems so natural.
(but i just know that the minute he leaves the place, all the files he’s going through are going to somehow get destroyed! i have seen too much of this show to expect otherwise)
mulder slams the file cabinet shut before he leaves and kurt is looking around. what is he planning, this devious kurt fellow?
someone else drives forward as he pulls away. girl is it gonna be CSM?!?!
someone is approaching. okay, it is not CSM. whoever it is has the needle you use to kill the aliens!!! is it the alien bounty hunter? i cannot tell… these white men blend together and also he can shape shift so who tf knows.
but kurt is DOWN and he is BLEEDING THE FIZZY GREEN BLOOD!! kurt was an alien?!?!?! why didn’t he heal those women??! is he involved with making them sick???! i have questions. many many questions.
the fizzy stuff is like dissolving him. not sure we have time to unpack that.
scully is laying in the hospital bed…. dr. scanlon is watching. okay, creepy, but maybe doctors have to do that sometimes.
she says she doesn’t feel sick, and i typed sock at first, which would be far more lighthearted, wouldn’t it, if she didn’t feel like a sock?
i don’t trust this guy.
he straight up says that the radiation and chemo is going to make her feel like she is dying. and at that moment, mrs. scully walks in. she is… very unsettled. and the doctor says they want to start treatment this afternoon.
despite telling mulder she knows she is going to die, she is trying to reassure her mother that everything is fine. that’s very interesting to me. that she feels she can be honest with him about the lack of hope, but needs to lie to her mother.
mrs. mulder is furious that scully didn’t tell her right away, but she says she wanted to get the answers first. she’s shaking as she says she doesn’t want to be kept in the dark. damn. she really has suffered so much.
oh my GOD... she kisses her cheek and hugs her, saying that she has always been the strong one… but she is her only daughter now. and they hold each other. pain. pain. and suffering.
they’re putting her in some stuff for radiation as scully narrates the evil of cancer, how it becomes one with the person it targets. she says it’s science's answer to an exorcism.
WAIT SHE’S ADDRESSING MULDER?? she must be continuing her letter from earlier……
“and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done” STOP. the way she KNOWS he will always, always blame himself, and is trying to say something to stop him from doing so just this once.
he’s breaking into a place because he wants to find anything at all… hmm where is he doing some good old b&e today?
“and though we’ve traveled far together, this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone” no…. no :( no :(
she knows that he will never stop searching for an answer… to the point where he won’t be able to lead his own life… and so she thinks she should go ahead alone… oh my god. oh my god. is she referring to the treatment process? or the inevitability of death?
he’s breaking into the fertility clinic that he mentioned before. gonna do some typing in the dark. but someone is here with him!!! who???
a guy in a sweater. “i’ve got a gun pointed at your head, turn around very slowly” mulder announces with PERFECT calm.
god i love him. have i mentioned that i love him? how he is willing to die and kill for the ones he loves? and how he is NOT just some bully or mean boss? yes. i’m bitter.
IT’S KURT!! but we know it is NOT REALLY KURT. because we saw that kurt is dead. so it must be the alien bounty hunter in a new skin? WHAT DOES "KURT" WANT?
“he” (whoever it is in the flesh suit that was once kurt’s) claims he is also trying to hack into the clinic's system, but can’t get the password right. i guess that he is going to hack and delete everything???
mulder picks up a snowglobe and guesses the password!!!!! yeahhh snowglobes.
woah. cutscene to something being drilled into scully’s head…. must be a flashback from the abduction.
penny is by scully’s side, telling her she’ll be okay as she wakes up from the nightmare. they grasp hands, scully says she feels sick, and that she had a dream where “someone was doing something bad to me”. apparently penny was allowed to tend to her during the procedures. but scully says she can’t hear this right now.
penny says if she can make sense of it, it’ll help her through the pain, to understand why it is happening to her.
okay, cutscene to skinner’s office. where mulder is sitting before he even gets in there. “i need you to set up a meeting for me”. skinner says “hold all my calls” in that gruff voice of his. i like his serious voice. and i am tense, expecting a fight to go down, or tears to be shed, or something.
oh tea…. mulder found a file from the fertility clinic with scully’s name on it… but he says he’s sure, “pretty damn sure” that she’s never undergone treatment for infertility. this could be very awkward if he is wrong. he seems confident, though.... have they had further discussion about families like they did in home? but even if she WAS undergoing treatment, why would she do it in a random town in pennsylvania? so i guess that his confusion makes sense.
so he wants a meeting with…. CIGARETTE MAN. “you’ve come to me like this before”, skinner points out, but mulder says he’s willing to DEAL NOW. he knows he’s behind all this. “you offer this man anything, and he will own you forever”, warns skinner. a real deal with the devil…
hold on. i just remembered that in canon CSM killed JFK and MLK jr and writes bad fiction. a wild fellow. and i’m also remembering how mulder broke into his house and asked “why her” with his gun pointing right to his head. i am remembering a lot of things.
mulder is yelling that CSM must have known what they did to agent scully. “but you can’t ask the truth of a man who trades in lies- i won’t let you” says skinner. oh damn…. oh damn. skinner just wants him to be safe but this isn’t going to go over well
they are staring at each other. and he insists that mulder find another way. damn, those two have been through a lot. all those times mulder should have been fired… skinner showing up covered in blood to track him down to some arctic alien base… that time mulder was experiencing psychosis and punched skinner in the face… skinner’s murder accusations… these two have such a fascinating dynamic. i love it. i really need to dive into that someday. i need fic of whatever the fuck it is that is going on between them.
so, what other way can mulder find? the lone gunmen, of course!!
they hack into her file from the clinic and see a gene code… it’s a DNA mutation.
“you guys ever been to the lombard research facility?” (everyone turns to frohike, who shakes his head) “well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching” <- LMAO i was surprised to get a genuine giggle during such a dark episode
(neeeeed to know how these dweebs met. all four of them. i know there’s a spin-off series so maybe someday i’ll learn the answers, but until then i’m concocting theories)
skinner is entering mulder’s office. but who is there…. NONE OTHER THAN CSM. “it’s funny,” he says, “i always thought of you as fox mulder’s patron” hey what does that mean. hey what does that mean. is skinner hiding something….?
ohhhh, skinner just accused him of being the devil.
skinner says he needs a miracle… “what’ll it take?” he asks. OHHHH my god…. skinner loves those two so bad………. a deal with the devil for them….
CSM says that “he’ll have to get back to him on that” when it comes to what it will take for scully’s life…………. skinner what can you offer??????
lone gunmen are breaking into a storm drain. do you think the redhead and the long haired one with glasses are lovers? i think it might be more fun to imagine that they are. i never learned their names. perhaps i am a bad fan.
mulder and the redhead set out!!! time to break into the facility!!!
okay i think the redhead is named byers? or else frohike’s making a reference i don’t understand. 50/50 odds on that.
they’re going in!!! they’re running!!! mulder has his leather jacket!!! byers (?) sees a keypad to enter a code.
(yes yes, his name is truly byers. we all learned something today. or at least i did)
OHHH, okay, the glasses one is langly. that name is familiar, actually. i appreciate how they are purposefully announcing the names for people like me. langly declares that this a toughie, and will take a moment to hack into.
OMG!! the doctor treating scully’s cancer works at this research facility they're breaking into!!! I KNEW WE COULDN’T TRUST THAT MFER. i am innately suspicious of doctors. and langly gets them into the building.
mulder tasks byers to GO TELL SCULLY TO STOP TREATMENT NOW because this scanlon fellow is a LIAR!!!!
(imagine how that went down...)
scully is writing to him again….. penny has taken downturn. “mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path” <-GIRL HE’S BREAKING AND ENTERING FOR YOU!!! THE PATHS YOU WALK ARE NOT SO FAR APART!!
“i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this” oh my god….. he gives her hope to keep going…. something to fight for…
mulder is getting lost on the video feed while byers tries to make an escape…. but the cops are approaching!!!!!
he finds a door and slams on it… and who is inside but MULTIPLE KURT DUPES!!! the damn aliens!!!!!!
they welcome mulder in by name. he puts together that they are hybirds, and they beckon him in so they can explain in further detail.
there’s a creature in a tank i don’t much care for. okay. actually many many creatures in tanks.
the kurts are saying they are trying to subvert the project that created “us”. OH! mulder sees into the tank and it’s the same shape of the boy he saw up in canada with his fake sister!!! so they are the end results… and they want the same thing he does??? i guess.
he takes them to a room filled with “human ova”. including one from betsy. oh no… oh god… yes, they took it during her abduction, and from all the women they abducted, including scully. i don’t want to think about what “super ovulation” means. but mulder is shocked. imagine him having to explain to scully that he held her ova in his hands. and the procedure that leaves them barren (!!!) also gives them the cancer.
(frantically opens the wikipedia article for human ovaries before realizing i can figure out the details later)
this clearly has implications for their family planning chats. god, is he gonna be the one to tell her that she can't have children....?
but the kurts are trying to save them!!! because these women are their mothers!!!!
so, do we believe the kurts?? i'm not sure. if we know there are a bunch, does that mean the hacker kurt from earlier could actually be a good guy? or was he really the bounty hunter working on further nefarious actions?
bro straight up pocketed her ova. he’s a real one for that. do they have to be cold or something?? luckily, i have never had to ask these questions.
byers is currently dodging the cops, and the guy that killed OG kurt is now looking for some violence.
NO…. mystery man is shooting at mulder!!!! the glass is bulletproof but it stopped being so after like 3 clips.
luckily the boys provide him an escape JUST IN TIME. shoutout to the lone gunmen fr.
he runs back to allentown and doesn’t find scully in her bed!!! but he finds her journal with the letters she had been writing to mulder. oh, he reads them....
where is scully?????? she’s with penny. penny is dying. she tells her that dr. scanlon isn’t coming back. and penny says that she’s been such a comfort, and to not give up hope. scully begins to cry.
mulder is sitting in a hospital chair at 5 am, falling asleep outside the room. finally, scully leaves penny’s room, crying.
he confesses to reading some of what she wrote…. but she says he didn’t want her to read that. and that she has decided she’s not going to let this thing beat her. she looks so tired…. so sick….
was scalon killing these women in the name of the secret alien project? “that will be proven if we find him” “when we find him” OUGHHH
she says she has things to finish, to prove to herself and her family. and he’s smiling at her. a real smile. telling her to come on back.
ohhhh and they’re hugging. he’s tucking her head under his chin and rubbing her shoulder.
“the truth will save you, scully. i think it’ll save both of us” <-OHHHHHHHH MY GOD I AM GOING TO RIP AND TEAR AND YELL AND SCREAM AND HOLLER!!!
WAIT OH MY GOD I WAS SCREAMING BEFORE BUT THEN HE SO GENTLY TURNS HER AND KISSES HER FOREHEAD……. shut up. it’s so tender it’s so terribly tender.
(a day later and i am still fixated on this. how terribly terribly gentle he is with her. it reminds me of how he held her face during beyond the sea, which, prior to this, was one of my favorite moments ever, and now i have TWO of them. he loves her so deeply in every sense of the word. and she loves him, deciding to keep fighting, to draw strength from him but also to honor herself, to achieve the things she has always meant to do, because she knows that she is worth fighting for)
finally they let go, and as she walks down the hall, he pulls out her ova from his pocket…. i’m so torn because my heart is still absolutely torn in half from how gentle that moment just was, but i’m also sitting here thinking… dude, do we need to get that into a freezer or something??
skinner answers the phone- at 5:30 AM! mulder says he was going to leave a voicemail and is shocked to hear him. mulder thanks him for his advice, and says it was wise to steer clear of CSM. they have to find out what he knows, but they need another way. skinner says there’s always another way, but as the camera moves, we see the room filled with smoke and a hand holding a cigarette…
he says “yes i believe there is, if you’re willing to pay the price” SKINNER BE CAREFUL I’M SCARED
do you think the writers purposefully associated cigarettes with the sleaziest and most awful character in order to get the children to stop smoking….?
end episode.
okay. i have so many thoughts. let’s start: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGGGGGWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
okay. that could have gone on for longer, but i’m going to compose myself.
scully… my poor sweet scully, writing about her own death to mulder……… how helpless and resigned and furious she felt, yet still tried to be strong for her mother and for him…. how she decided to come back to work despite what she is going through…. the grief of mourning yourself and those around you mourning you… she looked so sick and exhausted, her terrible nightmares, being unable to accept what happened to her, holding penny close only to lose her too…. the incredible strength it takes her to decide to get back to work and keep fighting when everything hurts and the odds are so slim… god scully you really have suffered so terribly…. turning back from narrating her life in the past tense to the present tense…. it was very very very powerful
and mulder never for a single second ever stopping. how he completely refused to believe that anything was impossible. his smile when he brought the flowers to her in the hospital, the way his face fell when he realized what was going on, but refused to believe that anything could take her from him. the way he kept his voice even in the conversation in the hall. how he brought her the things from the car, how he barreled into her room when she wasn’t there, reading her journal in terror, how he smiled and held her, ran his fingers through her hair, gently kissed her forehead. how he took her ova, which sounds so crazy out of context, but in context it’s soul-crushing. he grabbed it for her. kept them in his pocket as she decided to keep fighting. a conversation for another day.
and skinner making deals with the devil, but only by himself, never even thinking to let mulder do it….
so where do we go from here?
if the treatment from dr. scanlon was making the patients worse, that immediate obstacle has now been removed. but that doesn’t fix the cancer itself. is skinner going to have to bargain with CSM? whatever CSM wants, it clearly isn’t money- so what could skinner even give him? my guess would be deactivating the x files in exchange for what will save scully, or maybe firing mulder entirely to keep him off of the trail of his nefarious alien deeds. or perhaps something even more evil, like access to one of those mars rocks with the oil aliens in them, or maybe someone important assassinated, maybe a coup in the syndicate (is that what their little UN alien groupchat is called? i saw it when i looked something up once).
man, skinner’s role in this was brief but substantial. what is he going to do? what sort of deal is he willing to make? i really really need to get into exploring the dynamic between the three of them more. it’s fascinating. how he won’t let mulder make the deal, but he’ll do it himself… he must really care for them a lot more than he lets on.
oh my god. scully is gonna keep fighting…. <3
i really, really loved this episode. in fact, i’m positive that it will dethrone the blessing way and take that episode’s place in the top 15. this is an IMMENSE compliment. i still laughed a little despite the soul crushing sorrow, which i think is a sign of masterful writing.
i think this episode really really understood mulder and scully as characters. mulder with his need to chase to the ends of the earth to find the Truth, his need to put a smile on her face, his tenderness when it comes down to it, and scully with her bravery, attempting to keep herself strong for others while grappling with the metaphysical implications of dying, rejecting that conclusion after her own soul searching, and despite being busy with wrapping her head around this devastating news, she was still taking the time to bring comfort to penny. the complimentary needs to Protect and to Heal between them. it’s always going to get me.
you know that post i made about either jumping up and down or throwing my laptop in a river over their dynamic? THIS is jump up and down territory, baby.
i have a feeling that what comes next will not be easy, but i hope it brings great truth, and a delicate balance of love and angst.
i’m curious to know what people think of how scully’s diagnosis is depicted. i’m sure we’re going to get more into it so i don’t want to jump the gun yet, but i’d be interested to know if her depiction gave a sense of visibility to people dealing with cancer, or if they think the episode/arc as a whole missed the mark. is it empowering to see someone make the conscious effort to keep fighting? is it offensive to think of cancer as something given to you by secret government plot? or was it such a relief to see someone going through the same thing as you no matter if it’s origins were more exotic than in life? where will they go from here in terms of how she handles it?
i’d be really interested to read how people with cancer view her story. i’m sure someone out there has written on it; i’ll have to take a look someday when i’m not dodging spoilers.
the other thing i'm wondering about is the reaction to the alien breeding program reveal. it definitely speaks to the concerns over bodily autonomy and reproductive injustice that are increasingly relevant issues. i don't think it is supposed to make me feel comfortable, but it definitely succeeded at making me feel uncomfortable, if you catch my drift. something about those women being violated and losing all agency over themselves as a plot point rubs me the wrong way. and i think it is supposed to, but i'm not sure to what extent. idk, you just wouldn't see that happening to mulder's character, you know? it wouldn't be his bodily autonomy violated. it's as if we're so used to it happening to women in real life that it can easily become a plot point in science fiction, as if that just comes with the gendered baggage of being alive when you have ovaries-sometimes the aliens will harvest them. how does that speak on the way these writers see women as a whole? i'm unsure. but we have time to think it over.
my heart is a bit battered and bruised to see scully suffering so, but it is healing in knowing that they will have each other, and a renewed commitment to keep chasing the truth. and i am gonna go like idk claw at a pillow now to cope.
and then they all lived happily ever after. amen.
#think this is my longest post ever lol#still wanna know what happened to Hacker Kurt and if he was actually evil or not#but i am so sleepy from typing these notes up that this will be all from me for now#peace and love on planet earth........#and forehead kisses <3#juni's x files liveblog#4x14#the x files#txf
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RECKLESS DRIVING - MATT MURDOCK
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader
Word Count: 3,820
Summary: (requested) Hello, I have a Matt X wife reader request. You had a serious accident and all your memories after the collage are lost. In the hospital you are frightened by Matt , who is shocked and desperate at the same time. Matt tries to tell you that he is your husband and that you love him, but you can't remember. Matt tries everything to get your memory back and fall in love with him again. In the beginning, you distance yourself and live with your brother Frank Castle, who helps Matt get you back together.
The lights were bright when you first opened your eyes. You couldn’t remember anything. Clearly you were in a hospital, but which one? Your entire body ached and you could hear the beeping of the machines, felt the sticky residue from the sensors attached to your chest, but what happened? You heard voices through the small crack in the door, but who were they?
You looked around the room confused and saw the name on the chart near the door. You wobbled to your feet, head spinning once you sat up, and inched your way across the room.
Y/N MURDOCK.
Wait, Murdock?
That didn’t feel right. Wasn’t that the asshole from college that was always taking your favorite study corner?
You pulled the folder and plopped it open on the nearby counter so you could lean on your elbows. You skimmed the page, noting the various injuries.
Mild whiplash. Rib contusions, hairline fractures on left 3-5 ribs. Dislocated shoulder that was reinserted. Bruising all along the left side and uncertain risk of brain injury. Concussion likely.
None of that explained why your name was wrong.
The door suddenly opened at your side and you were quick to shut the folder. You turned and leaned backwards on the counter, earning a small sigh and smile from your doctor. He offered you his arm and walked you back to the bed, ensuring you were set before he spoke.
“I’m Dr. James Wilson.” He said kindly.
“Y/N.” You answered and he laughed. “How bad?”
“Well, you’ve already looked over the chart so you have a general idea.” He picked up the folder and gave it a small shake. “Do you remember what happened?”
“No… I remember I had just got picked up by the taxi and then.. Then nothing.”
He sighed slightly and took a tentative step closer.
“This is what we were worried about.” He said regretfully.
“Trauma-induced retrograde amnesia.” You finished and his brows raised. “I was in a pre-med allied health program.”
“Well, good thing is we’ve already gotten in touch with both of your emergency contacts. They’ll be here shortly.”
“I’m sorry. Both?” Your head cocked and it made your neck ache.
“Yes, uh..” He flipped open the file. “Your brother and your husband.”
“Have I been here before? Is that how there’s contacts already?”
“Few years ago, you were admitted with a pretty severe upper respiratory infection while in the area.”
“Right, right…” You glanced around the room. “So this has to be Princeton-Plainsboro?”
Dr. Wilson nodded and pulled the chair near your IV line closer. “What else do you remember about this place, Y/N?”
“You’re in oncology.. Head of the department, I think. Yeah, I remember doing some undergrad research with you.”
“What was your topic?”
“The influence of a moderate exercise program on quality of life for leukemia patients post allogeneic bone marrow transplant… Dr. House said my system was “moronic and no self-respecting med student would present their research that way”. “
“This is really great, Y/N.” He smiled and stood to leave. “I’m going to bring this to House and his team. Dr. Foreman will likely come in soon, look for neurological problems and we’ll talk about your discharge from there.”
“Wait.” You went to get off the bed but lost your balance. You ended up falling back onto the mattress. “When they get here, I just want to see my brother.”
“I’ll let the nurses know.”
The next time you woke up, Drs Cameron and Foreman were bringing your brother in to see you. He gave you a bit of grief for making him speed down the highway to New Jersey, of all places. You apologized profusely, admitting you didn’t even remember why you were going to Jersey to begin with. Ultimately, he was just relieved you were alive.
“Y/N, based off what Dr. Wilson has told us, it seems only emotional memories have been impacted.” Dr. Foreman explained carefully,
“How does that happen?” Your brows furrowed.
“Well the brain is a tricky thing. It seems there’s a disconnect between the long term memory system and the emotional control center. It’s likely just due to the swelling, but we would like a few tests to make sure there’s nothing serious.”
“Okay.” You nodded. “Yeah, is there like a consent form I-“ You tried when you heard the loud voice and rhythmic tapping coming down the hall. You shifted on the bed and the sounds drew everyone else’s attention as well. “A consent form I need to sign? Or is verbal okay?” You tried to keep going past the sounds outside your door.
“Verbal is fine.”
“Then, yeah. I’m guessing CT and MRI?”
“For starters. And then if we need to keep going, we’ll talk about it.”
“Oh, thank god.” He said in clear relief as he burst through the door, white cane in hand and round glasses on his face. “How you feeling, Sweetheart?”
“Uh…” You trailed off carefully.
“Do you know this man?” Dr. Cameron asked carefully when she saw your hesitation.
“Um..”
“Y/N?” He asked, clearly upset by your lack of a reaction.
“Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to-“ Cameron tried, gently attempting to escort him out but he yanked his arms away.
“I’m her husband!” He insisted. “Frank, tell ‘em.”
“You don’t remember him?” Frank asked you instead. Your eyes were still trained on the man claiming to be your husband.
That would’ve made him Matthew Murdock. You vaguely remembered the name from college. Law student, in the top of his class, sort of funny. Cleary blind. He had a friend, a loud guy with long blond hair, also in the top of the law class. You remembered Matthew was always at your preferred spot in the library. He would flash you a smile and you always had to refrain from chewing him out.
“Y/N?” Frank tried, gently shaking your arm so your attention would turn to him. “You don’t remember Murdock?”
“I remember him from college, but not as my husband.” You confessed quietly, as if you were somehow worried about hurting the man’s feelings.
“Nothing? Not your wedding or your apartment? His jobs? I walked you down the aisle, Y/N/N.”
You shook your head quietly, tears welling in your eyes.
“This is why I didn’t wanna see him.” You said quietly. “Make him leave.”
Frank nodded before he stood and moved towards Matt. Dr. Cameron took your brother’s old spot soon enough, placing a gentle hand on yours and speaking soft consolations. But you were listening to the boys’ hushed conversations. You caught words every now and then and were able to assume what they were saying.
You gotta go, man.
That’s my wife. I’m not going anywhere.
You’re freakin’ her out. Give her time-
No.
The doctors gotta run some tests. Give her some space and -
I’m not leaving.
There was a light sound of scuffling as you assumed Frank dragged Matthew out because when you looked back, the boys were gone but the expression on Dr. Foreman’s face was shock and slight amusement.
When you were discharged a few days later, your team of doctors promised there was no obvious damage to any brain structures. They said the amnesia would last for an undetermined amount of time and to not force yourself to remember anything. You were given moderate pain medication and left in a sling with a list of care instructions for the rest of your injuries.
As you were leaving the hospital, Frank had the car waiting for you out front. However, there were a couple others waiting with it.
“Why is he here?” You mumbled as Frank helped you out the hospital mandated wheelchair.
“Wouldn’t leave.” Frank answered simply.
“The guy with him.. That’s his friend, Francis Nelson, right?”
“Franklin, I think. They call him Foggy.”
“Foggy.” You repeated, and it felt familiar to say.
“Hey, Y/N.” The blond - Foggy - said carefully. “You look, uh, good? All things considered.”
You offered a small smile. “Thanks, I think.. I’m sorry, I don’t really-“
“You don’t have to.” He nodded quickly. “You’re a good friend of mine. I just wanna help however I can.”
“Thank you.” You gave a genuine smile this time. “I remember a little bit, here and there. You were at Columbia and we crossed paths a few times but that’s about it.”
“That’s as good a place to start as any.” He grinned. “I was also this guy’s-“ He threw his arm over Matthew’s shoulders. “-best man, but we can worry about that later.”
“Y/N, sweetheart, please.” Matthew stepped forward, shrugging Foggy’s arm off. He reached for your hands but you took a step back, nearly cowering behind your brother. “Please, just hear me out. I- I love you, more than anything. Please. Let me explain. I can- I can show you our wedding video, pictures. We can talk to my mother or Father Lantom, he officiated the wedding.”
“I don’t know who those people are!” You exclaimed loudly. “Matthew, I don’t remember whatever relationship we had. Everything you feel, I don’t.. Not right now, at least.”
“But… Y/N, you love me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t love you like that.”
“But I love you like that.”
“You’re just staring at me like you’re not convinced that this is real.” You said quickly, though once the sentence left your mouth you realized your wording may not be effective against a blind man.
“I don’t wanna lose this. I- I- I want you to know just how I feel.”
“This’ll kill us if I don’t let go… You have to let go a little bit too.”
“We…” He lost the words, mouth opening but no sound coming out.
You said nothing as Foggy pulled Matthew out of your way so you could get into the car. Frank put himself to the other side to create a barricade between you and Matthew and you thanked him quietly. The ride back was relatively quiet, you and Frank playing an occasional Fill-In-The-Blanks-Of-Your-Memory game.
As the days went on, you stayed with Frank. He went to your alleged shared apartment and collected enough of your things to last you a couple weeks. He told you that he didn’t bring everything because he knew you’d go moving back in with Matthew soon so there was no point. And though you didn’t believe him, he clearly knew the relationship better than you did.
Matthew, however, seemed to be relentless in his quest to win you back and restore your memories. It seemed pointless to you, to try and force someone to feel something they don’t. But the love Matthew had for you was so strong, you found it hard to deny that there was something.
Your alleged husband sent you flowers, ones he swore were your favorite. He showed up with meals from local businesses, swearing that you two had some sentimental date there or you loved eating from that place. He even brought over your wedding album and video, along with your wedding band that the hospital gave to him upon your discharge since you refused it. You accepted all of his gifts with a quiet sigh and a polite smile, though you said very little to him during the exchanges. It was hard to miss the way his shoulders dropped and his face would fall when you didn’t exchange the sentiment that he offered every time, when you didn’t say you loved him.
“You gonna watch it?” Frank asked as you sat beside with the DVD case in hand.
“Should I?” You asked quietly. “All I can really remember about him was that he was an asshole in college. He was a pretty boy with good grades so he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. We never really got along until..”
“Till what?”
“Till… something. I don’t know.”
“It’s all good. You’ll get it.” He shrugged.
“Did I ever tell you why it changed?”
“No. But I think one of you talked about it in your vows.”
“So I should watch it?” You shook the case.
“I’m just sayin’… It could have something.”
“It could?” Your brows raised. “Or it does?
“Dunno.” He shrugged. “It’s your wedding. I was taking advantage of that open bar.”
You smacked his arm and he laughed, causing you to laugh too. You slid the DVD onto the coffee table and carried on with your day, but the idea of what could possibly be hidden on the disc kept plaguing your mind.
Later that night, when Frank had gone to bed, you popped the disc into your computer.
—————
“Is he out there?” You asked anxiously, hands wringing nervously as you waited near the doors.
“Yeah, I’m here. C’mon, Y/N/N.” Frank called from the other side.
With a small, excited squeal, you opened the door and stepped out. You took a deep breath before tapping your brother on the shoulder. You smiled widely when he faced you and his jaw dropped.
Both hands covered his mouth as he grinned, eyes brimming with tears as he took a few small steps. You opened your arms and he embraced you tightly, nearly bringing you to tears.
“You look beautiful.” He mumbled and your smile got a little wider, if that was even possible. “I’m happy for you, kid.”
—————
“Y/N, I’ve thought about this day since I first met you. You’ve always been so outgoing and honest. From that first instance, I just knew I needed to have you in my life. We haven’t been perfect but you’ve always been there. And for as long as you’ll have me, I want to be the one in your heart. You’ll always have a piece of me, sweetheart. No matter what happens from here, no matter what we go through, I will always put you first. You are my love, my light. And I would go to hell and back to give you everything you deserve. I love you, until death and even after. My soul, my heart, my very being, will belong to no one but you.”
—————
“Matt, you were always my one guarantee. In college, I knew that I’d find you at my study corner every Wednesday night. After college, I knew we’d stay in touch. I knew we’d find a way to be in each other’s lives, but if you had told me before that party that I’d marry you, I would’ve laughed. But now, here I am. In a beautiful dress, at a beautiful church, with a beautiful man. You’ve been a handful for as long as I’ve known you, but everyday you make it worth it. You always make me feel so loved and so special, and when I wake up with you, I swear to make sure you feel the same. You, my sweet boy, are everything I’ve ever wanted. With you, I hope to have a long, happy, beautiful future so full of love. In front of everyone here, your family and mine, I give you every piece of me for as long as you’ll have me. I love you, with all I have to give.”
—————
You paused the video after that. The vows were beautiful, drawing a tear to your eye. You spun the ring around your finger. You slid the cursor to find the frame where he put the ring on your finger and there it was. The exact same wedding band on your hand was the one in the video.
With the evidence in front of you, it was hard to deny your wedding. The only other thing to make it more convincing would’ve been a copy of your taxes with the marital status. It made sense logically, but the emotional aspect was still severely lacking. But maybe…
Maybe you didn’t have to be so cold towards Matthew. Maybe you did start to see why you had liked him enough to marry him.
You jumped up and practically ran into Frank’s bedroom, socks slipping on the hardwood floors. You thumped him on the forehead frantically until he woke up.
“Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank.” You repeated until he caught your wrist, eyes still closed.
“The hell are you doing?” He mumbled.
“What party?”
“What?”
“In the vows. Matthew didn’t mention anything but she- I did. What happened at the party?”
“Why don’t you ask someone who was actually there?” He let go of your wrist and rolled to face the other way.
You groaned to yourself and kicked the mattress before heading out. Checking the clock on your computer, you saw it was a little after midnight. With no real plan, you pulled your phone and scrolled through contacts.
You couldn’t find anything that would’ve been obvious as Matthew. No MATTHEW, MATT, MATTY, MURDOCK, or any sort of typical term of endearment. Only HELLSPAWN with a stupid photo of your brother.
But you did find a contact with only a red heart and a devil emoji. With a hunch, you selected the contact and pressed to call.
“Y/N?” His voice came through almost immediately, not even sounding tired. In fact, he sounded more awake than you were. “Is everything okay?”
“I just wanted to… To talk to you about something.”You explained awkwardly. “I watched the video…”
“The wedding video?”
“Yeah… Unless there’s some other video we made.”
“Well.” He laughed slightly and your cheeks went hot. “I’m kidding, sweetheart. I’m kidding.” He laughed a little more.
“Yeah, you’re as hilarious as I remember.” You rolled your eyes, though you wore a small smile. “In my vows, I talked about a party.”
“Mhmm.”
“What party? What happened?”
“Why don’t you come over and we can talk? I still have some of that ice cream you like.”
“I don’t know where to go, Matthew.”
“Muscle memory.” He countered smoothly and you could picture the smirk he was wearing. “Meet me on the roof, okay?”
“If I get lost, I swear to God…” You grumbled as you stood and found your shoes. You tossed on a hoodie and pushed to acknowledge the cologne it smelled of.
Looking down at the sweater, you saw it was a Columbia hoodie but from the law department. You gave a small chuckle as you realized you recognized it as Matthew’s cologne.
“What?” He asked with a laugh.
“Uh.. Nothing. I’ll call you if I get lost.”
You hurried out the door and through the chilled night, stopping at various corners as you hesitated on which way to go. After a while of second guessing and uncertainty, you settled on a building. As you entered, you felt a sense of familiarity and you took that as a good sign. You wandered up the stairs until the roof and found Matthew was already waiting for you.
“Wasn’t sure I was at the right place at first.” You confessed as you sat beside him on the ledge. You looked over at him and saw he wasn’t wearing his glasses.
“I knew you’d get here.” He said honesty, turning towards you with a gentle smile. He reached for your hand but hesitated, allowing his palm to hover over your wrist for a moment before pulling away. “So.. You wanted to talk about the party?”
“Yeah.. What happened?”
“I went with my roommate and you went with yours. It was some sorority mixer for one of their anniversaries, but both of our roommates ditched us.” He leaned his palms on the roof behind him and leaned back, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.
You saw the red tint of old bruises poking out from under the collar of his t-shirt. Short cuts were illuminated across his face in the moonlight and the slightest purple tint showed around his eyes. You wondered who would assault a blind man so much as to leave him with a black eye.
“And then we got married.” He said simply with a small shrug.
“Sorry, what?” You asked, snapping from your admiration of him.
He laughed lightly and flattened out to his back, a hand reaching out for you. With a small hesitation, though somewhere deep in your gut you knew it was okay, you put your hand in his. He pulled you down to lay beside him and you let out a small groan as you thumped against the concrete.
“Your roommate ditched you for some frat guy and mine… I still don’t know where mine went that night.” He explained again, looking over at you with a soft smile. You tried to keep your eyes up at the faint pinpricks of stars, counting what you could see and trying to find constellations. But you could see him out your peripherals and you ended up rolling onto your side to face him. “Anyway, you didn’t know anyone else besides me and her so I stayed with you. We talked and you ended up leaving in my sweater.”
“This sweater.” You said and tugged the material.
“Yeah..” He said softly, barely above a whisper. He cleared his throat and continued talking. “I walked you back to your dorm and you made me call you when I walked back to mine… You told me you wanted to make sure I didn’t get hit by someone on a bike on my way but I think you just wanted to hear my voice some more.”
You laughed honestly and tucked your head against your arm. You felt his hand on the side of your face, his fingers inching into your hair, as he gently turned you back towards him. His unfocused eyes scanned your face and you could see the love in his expression.
“I told you…” You began carefully as you tugged the string of the memory. The memory at the base of a massive pile that if you could just get it out, maybe everything else would make sense. “I told you that you’d be a hell of a lawyer cause you managed to convince me not to hate you.”
“I think it was a little nicer than that.” His brows furrowed before he smiled.
He really had a beautiful smile, didn’t he?
“And then you asked if.. if that meant..”
“C’mon, sweetheart.” He said softly, practically to himself. “A little more.”
“If that meant we would spend more time together… We started studying together, in my favorite corner. We…”
“Yeah?”
“We fell in love.”
“And here we are.”
“Yeah…” You gave a small, slightly sad smile as you removed his hand. “Here we are.”
“Are we still in love?” He asked carefully, clearly terrified of the answer.
“I don’t know.” You said honestly. “But I do know that I liked you. And I think I’d like to see if we can fall in love again.”
He grinned widely and nodded eagerly. “I can live with that.. Can I kiss you?”
“Yeah.” You laughed.
#matt murdock#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x yn#daredevil x reader#mcu daredevil#mcu matt murdock#netflix daredevil#netflix matt murdock#matt murdock fic#matt murdock x you#daredevil x yn#daredevil x you#daredevil#daredevil fic#matt x reader#matt x you#matt x yn#daredevil angst#daredevil imagine#marvel daredevil#daredevil fanfic#daredevil fluff#matt murdock angst#matt murdock fluff#platonic frank castle x reader
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Shikamaru x Neji x Alpha!Reader
You drifted in and out of consciousness a few times before you were awake enough to open your eyes. You groaned as light flooded into your eyes and you were greeted with the sight of the hospital ceiling. You had been in the hospital enough times to recognize the sounds and smells of the hospitals as well. You tried to get up
“Hey, don't sit up. You’ve been in a coma,” you were pushed down by a man you couldn't recognize, though you noticed his eyes were wrapped in bandages. You started processing what he had said. A coma? How long? You laid back down as he called for a medical-nin. “Hi, Love. How are you feeling?”
“I don't…” your voice was horse from not speaking for so long.
“Sorry, don't speak just yet. I’ll get you some water.” the man felt around on the nightstand to find the cup and held it to your mouth. You graciously drank the water. You were caught off guard when you recognized a much older than you remembered Sakura coming into the room.
“Any pain anywhere?” She asked, helping you sit up. The man put the cup back down and sat back down in the chair, holding your hand.
“Uh, no.” You replied.
“Can you tell me your name?” she asked as she started checking your eyes with a flashlight and you replied. “Good, how old are you?”
“15,” both Sakura and the man stiffened when you answered.
“Love, you're 28,” the man squeezed your hand.
“I… I don't understand.”
“What's the last thing you can remember?” Sakura asked. You tried to remember that the last thing you remembered.
“Working at the mission desk I think… I don't know…”
“You had a bad head injury and you've been in a coma for almost 2 months. Memory loss is common after comas. They should return in a few weeks.” Sakura gave you a soft smile. “Let me talk to Neji for a moment.”
You sat in confusion as the two of them left. You studied your body, realizing you were much more muscular than you remembered and you had many scars you don't remember. It was a lot to take in. You looked up as Neji came back in. He was very different from what you remembered of him. You could only remember him as an angry 13-year-old. He was older for sure and also had many more scars as well. He returned to his chair.
“Your eyes…” you reached up touching the bandages on his face.
“I was blinded on a mission years back. I’m okay, you don't need to worry about me.” Neji leaned into your hand.
“Are we… are we mated?” you asked.
“Yes,” Neji smiled softly. “We have a third mate too, Shikamaru should be on his way now.”
“Okay,” That was a lot of information to take in. Neji let you sit in silence as you took it in. It was 20 minutes later when Shikamaru came in.
“Hey,” Shikamaru came in and stood next to Neji. You were shocked to see he was heavily pregnant. “Sakura already talked with me.”
“Is it mine?” the question slipped out and you were immediately embarrassed. That was definitely not something you should have said.
“I should have warned you, I’m sorry.” Neji started worrying as well.
“It's fine,” Shikamaru assured both of you. “Yes, this one wasn't planned but we… we were excited anyways.”
“This one? We have more?”
“Ya, we have two. They're already in the academy.” Shikamaru said. Your head was starting to hurt with all this new information.
“I need to go pick them up from the academy soon,” Neji said. “I’ll take them home for today, you can see them tomorrow. I don't want to overwhelm you.”
“I want to meet them,”
“Not today, Neji’s right, it'll be too overwhelming for them too,” Shikamaru said. He stroked your cheek. “Tomorrow we’ll bring in some photos to see if we can jog some memories.”
“Okay,” You couldn't argue with them. “I… I’m hungry,”
“Ya, I’ll get you something.” Shikamaru kissed your forehead and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a tray of food. Shikamaru pulled a chair up next to Neji’s. You noticed they were holding hands as you ate. You smiled softly, glad they were close. After you ate, Sakura and Neji helped you get up and walk around. You tried out after just one lap of the hallway and had to sit down,
“I’m very out of shape,” You panted.
“Ya, that happens after a coma.” Shikamaru was fiddling with his fingers. “Do we need to get Sakura to carry you to your bed?”
“Uh, no. Just give me a minute.” You said, trying to catch your breath.
“Hey, Y/N, it's good to see you up.” it took you a moment to recognize Hinata.
“I need to go get the boys. They’ll be out soon.” Neji squeezed your shoulder.
“I’ll see you at home tonight. I’m going to stay here as late as Sakura will let me.” Shikamaru said.
“Don’t stay too late.” Neji gave him a hug before leaving.
“Hinata has been walking Neji to pick up the kids since he doesn't know the route to the school from here very well.” Shikamaru noticed your confusion.
“That's nice of her,” you smiled softly.
“I’ll help you back to your room.” Sakura came up to you and helped you stand up and you managed to get back to your room. You sat on your bed.
“How are you doing?” Shikamaru asked, sitting next to you.
“Fine… confused and a bit overwhelmed.” you laid your head on his shoulder and he laid his head on top of yours.
“Ya,” Shikamaru's voice was shaky. You sat up and noticed he was crying. you pulled him into a hug and he started sobbing into your chest. You just stroked his back, not knowing how to calm him. He was your pregnant mate and you only remembered him as a moody twelve-year-old.
“I’m sorry.” You said softly.
“You don't have anything to be sorry for.” Shikamaru wiped his face. “I missed you so much…”
“Can you tell me about us?” You asked.
“Ya, um…. I guess we started getting to know each other when we were assigned an escort mission. We had to stop on our way back to the village because of a bad storm and spent three days there. We started hanging out more and more. Then I started to drag you to outings with my friend and you and Neji always got along well. I set you two up on a date.” Shikamaru smiled sadly. “Its… Neji needed to find an alpha to get away from his clan. You were hurt that I set you up with Neji and thought that I didn't like you. I did though… then the war happened and everything… after my dad died, I was being pressured to get married and have kids. You and Neji were getting serious then… he was injured… we sat by his bed for weeks while he was seriously injured. I asked you and Neji to be my mates… I care for both of you and as head of my clan and adviser to the hokage, nobody batted an eye for me to choose both an alpha and an omega. Neji took over most of the omega duties from me. He’s always been much more traditional than me so the clan elders love him. I don't know what I would do without him, especially the past two months. You help a lot too when you're not on missions.”
“I’m sorry about your father…” you frowned. That was a lot to take in.
Shikamaru chuckled. “You helped me through it back then. That was a long time ago now anyways…”
“I think I need to sleep.” you laid your head on his shoulder again.
“Ya, you're still healing.” Shikamaru stroked your hair. You two sat like that for a few minutes before you laid down to sleep. “I love you,”
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𝐍𝐨 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞
*Gif not mine credits to the owner*
• Pairing: Adam Ruzek x Fem!Reader.
• Requested by @rsquared31: She and Adam are either still in the stages of flirting or early on in a new relationship together. Something happens to her and Adam rushes to get to her, but then internally struggles between going after the attacker or running directly to her - not wanting the asshole to get away, wanting to tackle him and make him pay for daring to hurt her, but also wanting to see if she was ok and be the one to help her. She’s taken to the hospital, where the injury was bad enough for her to be out/unconscious for a while? Adam stays with her and refuses to leave. He makes some admissions when she wakes up.
• Warnings: mention of blood, injury, drug, throwing up, tiny bit of swearing.
• Word count: 4456.
• A/N: this is the first time writing for someone who isn’t Jay and I’m so nervous 😭 it’s ugly as fuck but are we even surprised? I hope you like it anyway. please let me know what do you think and feel free to give me any advice or send me ideas for new stories! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated ❤️ thank you so much for the amazing support you showed me and for encouraging me to challenge myself and write for other characters, I love you all xx
“Good morning darling,” a voice caught your attention.
You were in the break room pouring some coffee – which you already knew would be awful – into your cup. Before you even turned around a smile appeared on your lips, having recognized who that voice belonged to. You would’ve recognized it among another million people.
You turned your face to a smiling and impossibly handsome Adam who didn't even try to hide the cheeky way his eyes studied every inch of your body.
“Good morning to you handsome,” you returned his greeting trying not to stammer and blush in front of his intense and provocative gaze. But you couldn't hide the way your heart whirled in your chest, almost skipping a beat, or the way every cell in your body woke up from the excitement.
Excitement of what? He hadn't done anything but look at you and you were already a complete mess.
The power this man had over you.
“Indeed it's a really good morning,” he replied, hands in his pockets as his eyes looked you up and down your body without shame and restraint, stopping on your ass. His tongue wet his lips as he tried to suppress the ever-growing urge to get his hands anywhere on your body.
He confidently walked over you, your cheeks burning as he leaned against the edge of the kitchen right next to you. The way he looked at you, his head tilted slightly to the side, a winky smile on his lips, his light-brown eyes looking up at you so intently they seemed to want to read into you. God, you'd drop everything and get down on your knees.
“You know Adam, I'm not just a piece of meat,” you pretended to be offended, as if it really didn’t flatter you to know he was attracted to you, as if you didn’t crave his eyes on you every minute, every second of the day. You took a sip of your coffee, trying to mask your disgust.
Adam chuckled. “It's not my fault, I can't help it if you're so beautiful,” he replied flirtatiously exploding every ounce of self-control you possessed, “This is for me isn't it?” he pointed the coffee.
He smiled as he noticed the blush on your cheeks and the way you tried to hide it. God, that was one of the things he most loved about you. How could you be so beautiful? So hot and sexy but so cute at the same time?
Adam stopped trying to explain to himself what he felt about you long time ago, the way you drove him crazy, the way he was always thinking about you, continuously, always, constantly.
“Oh yeah it's all yours,” you said, handing him the cup of coffee without hesitation. His fingers brushed yours as you did so and a shiver ran down your spine, giving you goosebumps. You tried to stop yourself from giggling like a little schoolgirl, not wanting to show him the effect he had on you.
But he knew it all right, because that was exactly what happened to him.
“And by the way, you're not so bad either, Ruzek,” you looked him up and down and this simple sentence was enough for Adam to lose his head and feel his dick twitch in his pants.
Adam took a deep breath, looking at the ceiling for a moment as if trying to regain control of himself. “Y/N, Y/N…” he murmured your name like a prayer before returning his eyes to you. “What am I going to do with you?”.
“What are you talking about? What did I do?”, you asked in a dumb tone. He didn't answer you, but kept looking at you, studying every millimeter of your beautiful face, feeling his hands tingle from trying to repress the desire to touch you. The sexual tension between you two was so high it could fuel the entire city of Chicago, the air so tense anyone within miles would notice the way you looked at each other, how you were drawn to each other like magnets.
He set the cup of now-cold coffee in the sink before caressing your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You stopped breathing for a second as your subconscious kept hoping he'd kiss you until he took your breath away.
“Make me lose my goddamn mind.”
Oh God.
“I'm not doing anything,” you whispered, your eyes always fixed on his so lively and brilliant eyes. They were so bright, so full of life and joy that just looking at them was able to calm you when everything seemed to fall apart.
His eyes kept alternating between your eyes and lips. His mind raced as he tried to think of all the reasons why he shouldn't press his lips to yours, but right now he could only think of a thousand reasons why he should do it instead.
“We shouldn't be that close,” you muttered, your voice so low, not convinced by your own words. “I know, we shouldn't,” he whispered back but remaining in that position. His thumb caressed your cheeks softly, his touch so light and delicate that made you forget everything around you, “But I can't help it.”
A sudden noise immediately pulled you away from each other and you prayed with every fiber of your being it wasn't Voight.
“Finished playing lovebirds?” Kevin's amused voice broke that magical moment between you and Adam.
“Oh… Uhm… H-he was pulling an eyelash out of my eye,” you blurted out the first excuse that crossed your mind, ignoring Kevin's gaze. Adam was trying to suppress the smile that threatened to come across his lips as you stuttered embarrassedly. He had to resist the urge to pull you to him and hug you.
“Sure like you weren’t about to tear your clothes off,” Kevin laughed back.
“I… I have to go to the bathroom…” you stammered and then started walking away from the break room to finally be able to breathe.
“Not so fast honey, we have a new case, I came here to call you guys.”
Adam tried to suppress the annoyance that just hearing Kevin call you 'honey' gave him.
Fuck's sake get a grip.
How had he gotten to the point he even felt jealous of his friend calling you ‘honey’?
You and Adam had always had this kind of relationship, ever since you started working in the Intelligence. From the first moment there had been a feeling between you, a feeling you had few times in your life and that brought you closer to the point every occasion was good for you two to flirt and tease each other.
But over time, your relationship deepened and soon what was a simple flirting became something more, from both of you. Neither of you came forward with the fear of rejection from the other and that's how you ended up in this state of limbo, in which you both desired each other from afar, in which every time you found yourself close the tension skyrocketed.
You didn’t say anything, exited the break room at light speed while Adam obviously followed you with his gaze, watching you carefully. When you were out of sight of him, he glanced at Kevin who laughed at the sudden change of his facial expression. He had gone from a beaten and hopelessly in love puppy to a furious hyena.
“Thank you so much Kev,” he nudged him lightly.
“Hey! What did I do? I just came to call you, we happen to be at work in case you forgot. I know you are so madly in love with each other and bla bla bla but I want to remind you we are in the district, in our unit, with Voight.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “I'm not in love and… Fuck’s sake just mind your business.”
Now that was a good lie, he was very much in love with you, and a lot too.
“So you don't mind if I ask her out do you?” Kevin asked with mock seriousness just to test his friend’s patience and from the way he looked at him as if he was ready to knock him down, he knew he had managed to do it.
“Say it one more time and I'll punch you in the fucking face,” Adam said and for some strange reason Kevin figured he was serious.
He laughed and threw his hands up in surrender. “I was just joking man, I would never do it.”
The case concerned a large exchange of drugs that would’ve been made that same day and which an Antonio’s informant had told him about. With the whole team, you opted for a silent flash attack, in order to surprise the traffickers in the middle of the exchange and arrest them all.
You were all armed with shotguns and bulletproof vests and once you arrived at the place where the drug trade was about to take place, you split up as agreed: Kim went with Antonio and Voight, Jay with Hailey and finally you with Adam.
“Hey, be careful okay?” Adam had whispered in your ear just before entering. You turned to him and smiled. “Be careful too,” you replied.
The building where the drug trade would take place was abandoned and from the dust and the amount of junk it had been in disuse for many years. It was the perfect place for a drug trade, it was spacious, disused, isolated, no one would ever suspect the illegal activities that took place there.
After the team split up, you and Adam headed into the back entrance of the massive building, stepping in silently and fingers close to the trigger ready to fire whenever necessary. The traffickers worked on kilos of drugs and judging by the quantity present, it must’ve been worth a lot of money.
Your heart was pounding, so hard you could almost hear it in your ears. It didn't matter how many missions like these you had done, how many drug exchange attempts you had thwarted, the anxiety in those moments of suspense would always be present.
That was the perfect time to intervene, those men never expected the police to be there. You waited for Voight's signal from the headset transceiver connected to your ear, at which point you all exclaimed.
“Chicago PD! Everyone down and hands up!”
At that point chaos ensued.
The men wasted no time and immediately started to shoot, beginning a firefight that forced all of you to hide. You and Adam hid behind a wrecked car, firing your rifles. The sound of gunfire echoed in that establishment, bullet shells flew here and there on the dirty and dusty floor, and those traffickers had no intention of giving up. You hated to admit it, but they were giving you a hard time.
After unloading a full loader, you sat down to protect yourself and put a new one into the rifle. Adam glanced at you with the corner of his eyes before returning his gaze in front of him and firing a few shots and then bending down to shelter from the shots.
“Holy shit,” he cursed and you couldn't help but agree with him. It was a horrible situation.
You peeked out with your head and shot a trafficker who was about to shoot in your direction at the same time, whose body fell lifeless to the ground.
As you were about to take cover at that very moment your gaze fell causally next to Adam and with horror you noticed a weapon aimed at him, a man ready to shoot him.
“Adam! Get down!” you screamed and instinct prevailed. Before he could even figure out what was happening, you lunged at him, pushing him to the ground and shooting the man at the same time but not before he too fired a few shots as he fell to the ground.
Time stopped for an instant and everything went in slow motion. You didn't immediately understand what happened only when a throbbing pain went through your abdomen. You didn't immediately realize you'd been hit by a bullet.
Adam lifted himself off the ground only then realizing you were lying on the floor.
“Y/N!” he exclaimed in horror feeling his heart nearly stop in his chest. He knelt down next to you. “It's okay, it's okay baby, you’re gonna be okay.”
Out of the corner of your eye you noticed the criminal you shoot get up and run away.
“Fuck,” you hissed in pain “Adam he is running away…”
“Like hell I'm leaving you alone,” he urged, pulling off your bulletproof vest and heaving a sigh of relief when he saw the bullet had been stopped by the vest. You pushed his hand away, trying to breathe deeply. “Adam go! I am fine just go!” you exclaimed aloud, making your pain increase.
Adam found himself conflicted, for the first time in his life unable to decide what to do. He didn't want to leave you alone, not when you were suffering like that and unable to defend yourself, but at the same time he wanted to take that son of a bitch, not because he was a criminal, but for daring to hurt you.
“Baby, it’s okay, I'm fine I promise,” you continued, patting his hand encouragingly noting his hesitation. “Go.”
Adam reluctantly got up and started chasing after the criminal – who wounded, didn't run very far – not before alerting your teammates you had been hit and were on the ground unprotected while he was doing the chase.
“Chicago PD! Stop!” yelled Adam as he ran after the man. He tried to increase his pace but the bullet that had hit him had weakened him a lot since, unlike you, there was no bulletproof vest to protect him.
It wasn't long before Adam caught up with the criminal. He threw himself on him causing him to crash to the ground and before he could even defend himself, Adam had punched him in the face.
Then another one.
And one more time.
He was blinded by rage, the image of you lying on the ground in pain as you struggled to breathe etched perfectly into his memory with every punch he landed.
“Son of a bitch!” he yelled in his face as another punch collided with the smuggler's face.
“Adam! Stop for fuck's sake or you'll kill him!” Jay exclaimed, running towards him and pushing Adam away from the man lying on the ground almost unconscious.
“Let me go!” Adam tried to escape from Jay's grip as he pushed him away from the man before breaking free and running to you, showing no remorse for beating the criminal.
He found you in the same spot, this time leaning against the car while Hailey was next to you. During the firefight almost all of the traffickers were killed, while some were handcuffed and arrested.
“It's okay, help is on the way,” she tried to reassure you even though the only person you needed was Adam. “Take small breaths, everything will be fine.”
“Y/N! Hey, hey, I'm here,” you breathed a sigh of relief if it wasn't so painful. She immediately knelt beside you, cupping her face in her hands, her heart in a vise as she saw you in so much pain.
“You'll be fine okay? Everything will be fine. How are you feeling?”.
“It hurts like hell,” you cursed. Damn it, you almost forgot how much it hurt a bullet hit.
Hailey at that moment said she’d walk away to help the others, leaving you and Adam alone.
“I know, I know it hurts, baby I'm so sorry” he stroked your face “Can I take a look?”.
You nodded and, trying to be as delicate as possible, he lifted your shirt, almost blanching when he saw the extent of the damage and the huge bruise caused by the bullet.
“It's that bad huh?”.
Adam had to swallow the lump in his throat, the guilt wearing him down because he knew that bullet was meant for him. God, he would’ve taken ten bullets rather than see you suffer even one second of your life. He hated seeing you like that, he hated not protecting you, he hated you took that bullet instead of him.
“I'm so sorry sweetheart…”
“Is this a way of saying 'thank you for saving my life'?” you tried to joke but the serious and destroyed expression on Adam's face suggested he wasn't in mood for jokes.
“It was meant for me, it should’ve been me,” he sighed and you took his hand with yours, stroking the back of it.
“It’s not your fault, I’d do it again thousand times.”
At that moment the paramedics arrived and after many oppositions you had yourself examined, under the inquiring gaze of Adam who never left your side.
Once you arrived at Med's it was Will who visited you. “How much does it hurt from one to ten?”.
“Four,” you answered but flinced when he gently patted your abdomen.
“Y/N.” he admonished you.
“Fine, shit,” you hissed in pain “Eleven.”
“Why are you cops so stubborn? I swear, you're all the same, always thinking you're superheroes.”
“I just want to go home Will, please give me a couple of painkillers and let me go,” you begged.
You began to feel dizzy and a wave of nausea washed over you as the pain gradually became more and more intense and unbearable.
“You're not going anywhere miss,” Will stated “Judging by the abdominal distension I'd say there's internal bleeding but I'll do an ultrasound just to make sure.”
“Will...” you muttered feeling the need to vomit “I have to... I have to throw-...” you couldn't finish the sentence you lifted up slightly and started throwing up, but the nurse present was quick enough to take a basin nearby and place it in front of you.
“It's definitely internal bleeding,” Will said after doing the abdominal ultrasound.
Your vision started to get blurry and your heart pounding so fast, you felt like it was about to stop.
“I can't... I can't breathe...”
Adam – who meanwhile was in the waiting room – had almost dug a trail in the floor due to his continuous back and forth, feeling anxious like never before.
He hated waiting, having to sit there with folded hands and not being able to do anything to help you while you were in the operating room and Rhodes was operating on you to contain the internal bleeding. The guilt was wearing him down even though rationally he knew it wasn't his fault.
He felt guilty because he had always promised himself he’d protect you from everything and everyone, he’d kill rather than risk someone hurting you, he felt guilty because he was the one who was supposed to be on the operating table.
The moment you threw yourself at him to protect him kept playing in his mind over and over again, like a videotape playing over and over again. Why had you risked your life like that to protect him?
He couldn't blame you, God he would’ve done the exact same thing, but he couldn't help but be mad at you for doing such a stupid thing. Why did you do it?
-
The surgery lasted about an hour and when you woke up the first thing – or rather person – your eyes rested on was Adam, whose arm was around your waist, his head resting on your belly as he embraced you, his eyes closed.
He wasn't really sleeping, in fact as he felt your fingers in his hair, he jerked up, his eyes widening when he saw you were finally awake.
“Y/N, baby, oh my god thank god you're awake,” he gushed, leaning down and hugging you. “I missed you so much, thank God you're okay.”
You smiled, returning that hug with all the strength you had in your body. “I missed you too.”
“How are you? Are you okay now? Does it hurt?” he peppered you with questions once you broke away from the hug. He sat back on the chair again, but entwined his fingers with yours, never letting go. Your heart almost exploded as he brought your hand to his lips leaving a small kiss on the back.
“I feel a little numb but overall I'm fine,” you replied. “Were you always here?”.
“Of course, I’d never leave you alone baby.”
It must’ve been the stun caused by the surgery but only then you noticed the scratches and small lesions on Adam's knuckles.
“My god Adam, what happened to your hands?”.
“Oh baby you realized it a little too late,” Adam chuckled.
“Adam.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I may have landed a few punches.”
“Adam!” you exclaimed raising your voice, a painful expression appeared on your face.
“Hey, hey, take it easy,” he spoke concerned “Y/N…” he sighed, “That son of a bitch hurt you, I… I completely lost control.
“Adam, you could get yourself into serious trouble.”
“Honestly? I don't give a fuck. If anything happened to you he wouldn't have to worry about just some punches.”
“Always acting like a macho huh?” You tried not to smile even though his protective side was one of the things you loved most about him.
“Don't even joke Y/N. When it comes to you I lose my mind,” he softly spoke “When I saw you lying on the ground, I feared for a second I lost you and I don’t want to feel like that ever again.”
You let go of his hand only to rest it on his cheek, gently stroking his cheeks and beard. “If something happened to you I would never have forgiven myself. Really Adam… When I saw that guy pointing the gun at you… I didn't understand anything anymore, I didn't want something to happen to you.”
“What you did is very stupid,” he scolded, his eyes watering as he leaned against your touch and you chuckled.
“You would’ve done the same.”
“Absolutely”
“So why shouldn't I?”.
“Because I need you Y/N, I can't think of being without you.”
This little confession cut the breath out of your lungs and the way he looked at you, God, it was so intense you could hardly maintain eye contact but something had bewitched you. There were so many things you wanted to tell him though, so many things you wanted to confess but your brain had shut down and not a single coherent, rational thought crossed your mind.
“Baby…” Adam whispered and that simple word sent a flock of butterflies into your stomach. “I can’t take this anymore…”
“W-what?”.
“Now I’m looking at you and… And you're so fucking beautiful even though you're on a goddamn bed and wearing a hospital gown and you… You’re looking at me like that… You make me lose my mind,” he blathered, not even knowing if whether or not what he was saying made sense but god he couldn't even think straight anymore, he felt so out of control and that was the effect you had on him. It didn't matter how or why, but you were capable of sending every single neuron of his brain into a tailspin, you were capable of giving him tachycardia when you even just looked at him, you were capable of making him forget the whole world.
“How am I looking at you?” you whispered.
“And when you play dumb like that, like you don't even know the effect you have on me, how you drive me crazy,” he went on “How you made me fall so madly in love with you.”
You widened your eyes and your mouth in shock, hardly believing what you had just heard.
You were speechless.
Completely speechless, and it was a rather rare occurrence.
You had dreamed of that moment for so long, you almost couldn't believe it. For a moment you even thought you were still under the influence of anesthesia and everything was happening was just a figment of your imagination.
“I'm sorry to say it like that, I know it must’ve been unexpected for you but after what happened today… I didn't want to waste any more time, life is so short and… Fuck… I know I probably screwed it all…-” he began talking again noticing your silence but you stopped him by placing your index finger on his lips.
“Kiss Me.”
Adam nearly had a heart attack, for a moment fearing he needed a hospital bed. Did he hear it right? Or was it just a hallucination?
You were about to speak again when he leaned towards you, pressing his lips against yours in a longed-for and much-desired kiss.
His hands cupped your face as he completely took your breath away. His lips were warm and soft against yours, just as you had imagined so many times. Your fingers were in his hair and it didn't take long because everything else disappeared, making you forget you were in a hospital room.
You bit his lip and he almost moaned at that sensation, this gesture further increasing the visceral need and desire he felt for you.
“Fuck don't do that again,” he murmured against your lips, finding it hard to control and stop himself. You didn't answer instead you kissed him again. You were so bewitched by Adam and as his scent flooded your nostrils, a thousand butterflies danced in your stomach.
All the pain you felt went in the background, only he existed at that moment, only his lips that continued to devour you in an intense kiss. Your head was spinning, your heart was pounding, your hands tingling, shivers ran down your spine.
“Stop, stop, Jesus Christ, we have to stop or I won’t control myself,” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss for a moment as both of your chests rose and fell as you caught your breath. “You drive me so damn crazy baby, I don't know what to do with you.”
Your eyes were fixed on his even if they alternated on his little swollen lips, red from the kiss. You were overwhelmed by the feeling you had for that man and you knew in that precise moment that a new chapter in your life had just opened, a chapter you couldn't wait to live. Your nose continued to slightly touch his, your lips brushing his, your thumbs stroking his cheeks.
“I'm so madly in love with you too Adam Ruzek,” were the first words you said after the kiss and just for the way he looked at you, you’d take hundred of those bullet and relieve the pain all over again, to see the expression of pure joy and the smile on his beautiful face.
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URDAD - part 1
Adenine: paired with U
Fic masterlist
I’M SO EXCITED
Warning: this is not a safe space for Chaol stans
Words: 2,4k
“How‘s the baby?” Dr. Moonbeam asked in the examination table as Aelin slid the ultrasound transducer over his abs. She was still figuring out if he was flexing them to look stronger, or to make her work harder by hardening the area she had to move the probe on.
Aelin was “examining” Dr. Moonbeam just to check if she’d fixed the glitch in his ultrasound machine, but of course he’d have a field day with it.
“Very funny,” she answered with the dullest face possible, and then gasped. “Is that a kidney stone?”
“WHAT?” He bolted upright and took the probe from Aelin’s hand, pressing it harder against him, but relaxed when he studied the monitor. “You’re evil.”
Aelin tilted her head back, cackling.
Being the engineer responsible for Mistward General’s very expensive machinery, Aelin was glad she was out of the hospital’s crazy hierarchy. She didn’t take orders from any doctors, which let her be more at ease around them, unlike most of the staff.
Even if some were shameless flirts.
“So…” Dr. Moonbeam called her attention, slowly sliding the paper towels against his abs that looked shinier because of the gel. But his eyes had this playful glint, because at this point, he knew she was immune to his moves. “When are you breaking up with that tool of yours?”
“In two weeks, actually.”
His eyes widened. “You’re joking, right?”
Aelin looked away and checked the ultrasound just to have something to do with her hands. “I already paid this month’s rent, so I’m waiting a little before breaking things up and moving out.”
She wasn’t in a rush, but it was time. Chaol hasn’t been the same. Aelin hadn’t felt the same about him either. When she went to her best friend to talk about this, Imogen was very supportive and offered her spare room.
Imogen Whitethorn wasn’t Chaol’s biggest fan, to put it lightly.
Dr. Moonbeam had his arms crossed, head cocked with a shameless grin. “No need to go through that, Galathynius. You can stay with me those two weeks.”
Aelin snorted, slowly shaking her head. “You’d love that, huh?”
Before he could answer, she felt her phone vibrating against her pocket and took it to check.
Dr Whitethorn: Aelin
Dr Whitethorn: 911
Dr Whitethorn: Anne Jausten is acting out
And by that, he meant there was something wrong with his new digital slide scanner.
“Gotta go.” She gave Dr. Moonbeam a quick salute. “Good luck with the pregnant ladies.”
Aelin rushed to the Pathology lab, which was pretty much the standard. There was always someone running or yelling in these halls. As busy as she was today, she always made room so assisting Dr. Whitethorn was always on her top priorities. He was the one who got her this job, after all.
After Aelin accidentally met Imogen’s father while drunk after a college party, he disregarded her for years. She was convinced he hated her and thought she was a bad influence, but working here slowly changed her mind. Or his, she’d never know.
One night, Imogen commented to Dr. Whitethorn over the phone that Aelin’s boss was too handsy.
The next day, Mistward General’s HR called her offering an interview.
His shoulders dropped when she came in. “Oh, good. It’s not scanning.”
Oh boy, did her breathing just get a little faster? Aelin would not, under any circumstance, show how much the scrubs, reading glasses and frazzled gray hair combo did it for her.
She always had a thing for men in lab coats, but Dr. Whitethorn was on a whole new level.
When Aelin rushed inside the cold Pathology lab, he immediately got up to give her his chair and bring another one for himself.
She clamped her lips together after assessing what was going on, trying not to make him feel bad.
“You can laugh, you know.”
“I won’t.” Despite her words Aelin’s shoulders were quaking, a full laughter ready to burst. “But you’re too young to be this old.”
He sighed. “What did I do this time?”
Aelin tilted her head, biting her lip. “You forgot to adjust a few scan settings. It won’t start until you do.”
He groaned, resting his face on his hands. This time, she let out the tiniest giggle.
Dr. Whitethorn was so excited when he got his new, more modern equipment. Until he had to learn how to work with them, that is. Watching him get used to those was like watching elder millennials in the genesis of TikTok.
Resilient as he was, he got his chin up, squared his shoulders, and tapped the few buttons he missed out in the first place.
“Well, thanks for that. And sorry I wasted your time.”
Aelin waved him off and rested her head on a fist, not caring about the few strands of hair falling on her face. “Nonsense.”
He trained his eyes on the scan. “I can go on from here.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Do you remember how to use the new photo editor?”
He used his right to remain silent.
Aelin leaned back on her seat, getting comfortable with both hands behind her neck. “Then I guess I need to wait for these scans to be done.”
Dr. Whitethorn was like that. He'd listen to her talk about anything and everything, from tissue engineering to Taylor Swift tickets, then flip a switch and politely shut her off until she made her way back into his lab again. Rinse and repeat. Right now, he wasn’t too chit-chatty, but she’d crack him in no time.
Aelin stayed there, watching his Adam’s apple bob as they listened to the soothing hum of Anne Jausten, the scanner.
“Fleetfoot and I are moving in with Immie soon, but I’m sure you know that already.”
His gaze slid to hers. “I know where you’re going.”
She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “My point is already proven, I’m just being annoying about it.”
“I’m not a gossip, I’m just a good listener.”
“Well, did you, or did you not know that already?”
He gave her a flat look. “Next time you’re looking for a boyfriend, at least get one who doesn’t forget his wallet on date night.”
“Ouch!” She clutched her chest, playing down the tightness in it. “Way to go, doc.”
“Sorry.” He grimaced. “That was insensitive of me.”
Aelin waved him off. “That breakup was overdue, anyway.”
“I think so, too.” His lab’s phone started ringing. Dr. Whitethorn got up to take it, but not before saying, “You deserve to raise your standards.”
Easier said than done. If she had a pass for every man in the world, Aelin would know exactly where to start.
People would think it was the sixteen-year age gap, but the only thing stopping her from taking a chance and trying to sit on Dr. Whitethorn's lap right now was her best friend, who happens to be his daughter. With him looking like that, Aelin wouldn't mind if he were 300 years old.
Every time she saw a legion of girls online losing their minds over some older actor who aged like fine wine, she felt a little relieved they didn’t know Dr. Whitethorn. She could appreciate the view alone.
He looked pale when the phone call ended. “It was Salvaterre. Imogen just got here in an ambulance.”
“What?” Aelin jerked upright, feeling her pulse stronger each beat. “What happened?”
”I don’t know, I-“ He pointed to the scanner. “Keep an eye on Anne. I’ll go to the ER and keep you posted.”
Aelin did as she was asked and stood there, feeling her throat get tighter as the AC’s dry gushes of air cut through her layers of clothing. She didn’t know for how long she did nothing but listen to Anne Jausten’s mechanical whirring, but she did notice she was quieter than Jane Austen, Dr. Whitethorn’s previous slide scanner. It was an obvious observation, since Anne was cutting-edge technology, but Aelin would rather think of the equipment than the fact that her best friend and soon-to-be roommate was in the emergency room right now.
Her heart almost leaped out of her throat when his text came.
Dr Whitethorn: I think you should come here.
The few minutes she sprinted there were a blur. The nurses’ carts were on her way, the elevator was too slow, there were confused people on her way. The only thing that felt fast was her pulse, thrumming blood through her tense muscles.
Aelin relaxed when she noticed Immie looked fine, despite her friend’s blotched face from crying. Dr. Whitethorn’s face was red as well, but he wasn’t crying like his daughter. He was fuming, to put it lightly. And in the hospital bed, she saw… Chaol?
“What’s going on?”
Dr. Whitethorn was the one to break the deafening silence. “We have a penile fracture here.”
No.
Aelin looked around, taking everyone in once again and processing this new information.
Her heart stopped in her chest as her senses seemed to betray her. There was no fucking way.
“YOU BROKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DICK?” Aelin’s voice boomed through the room.
Imogen’s lips wobbled. “Aelin, I’m so—“
"Sorry, yeah." She let out a bitter cackle and yanked off Chaol's blanket. His dick looked exactly like an eggplant.
"Babe," he slurred, grinning at her. He must be high on painkillers already to look clueless like that.
"You fucking slut!" She shouted and pinched Chaol's swollen penis, twisting the purple, hypersensitive skin between her fingers.
No amount of painkillers could stop the earth-shattering scream Chaol let out, loud enough to tear anyone's eardrums in half.
For the very first time, she saw Dr. Whitethorn flinch.
The curtain separating them from the rest of the ER was yanked open to reveal a very pissed Chief Salvaterre. And he caught her with a hand on the patient’s dick, in the worst way.
“Stop that right now!” He yelled and ran Chaol’s way, then pointed between Aelin and Dr. Whitethorn. “You two, out of my ER!”
The silver-haired doctor raised both hands in surrender. “What did I do?”
“I told you not to cause me any trouble.” Salvaterre pointed at Aelin. “Trouble.”
“But she needed to know!”
“Not to assault my patient!” He was looking at them with raging, bulging eyes. “You’re leaving this hospital right now, and when you come back tomorrow, you’re going to forget about Mr. Westfall’s penis and act normal like you always have. Are we understood?”
Dr. Whitethorn sighed and nodded. Aelin had her chin up, but didn’t argue.
Imogen turned to Aelin, but kept her gaze lowered. "I’m so sorry, Ace."
She wanted to yank those chestnut curls until the crack in Imogen’s voice became a scream.
Instead, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut it. You can have his teeny weenie."
˜˜
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Whitethorn said the umpteenth time after they were kicked out of the hospital. He insisted on giving her a ride, since Aelin didn’t have a car.
“Stop saying that.”
“I’m sorry, I—“ He groaned. “I know I shouldn’t, but I feel responsible. Being my daughter and all.”
One corner of her mouth tugged up, but her smile had no brightness. “You really shouldn’t.”
They were in front of her apartment complex, where Dr. Whitethorn stayed the last twenty minutes waiting for her to pack up. She’d have to iron her clothes all over again, but the careless packing was better than spending more time at Chaol’s cursed home.
To be fair, she was mad at Chaol, but she wasn’t surprised he cheated on her.
But Imogen? She was the main source of the sharp pain in Aelin’s chest as she remembered how supportive she was of the breakup, and the last few Friday nights Aelin stayed alone at home because her boyfriend and her best friend were busy. Indeed, they were.
The doctor gave a pointed look to the Playstation under her arm. “What’s that?”
Aelin shrugged. “You know, if you wanna crush a man’s soul, you gotta start with his video game.”
“And his car.” Dr. Whitethorn looked up, something devious sparkling in his eyes. “Where do you keep the sugar?”
Five minutes later, they were standing next to Chaol’s car. She held the jar of sugar as he held Fleetfoot’s leash.
“So, what are we doing?”
“If we put sugar in here.” Dr. Whitethorn pointed at the fuel door, where the gasoline went. “The sugar will turn into caramel and break the car from the inside while he’s driving. The engine will melt like butter. It’s a mess to fix.”
Aelin’s eyes widened, and she felt that sparkle of joy a girl could only feel due to a good revenge. Grinning, she didn’t think twice before filling Chaol’s ugly ass car with sugar.
Dr. Whitethorn was leaning against the car, eyes sparkling as he watched her excitement. “Having fun?”
She let out an evil cackle, already picturing her ex’s face when his car stopped Mala knows where. When Fleetfoot barked, Aelin felt like her dog was telling her she’s a good girl, not the other way around.
”Alright,” Dr. Whitethorn said after they were finished. “Where am I dropping you off now?”
That question took the words out of Aelin’s mouth. She had absolutely nowhere to go.
She either said it out loud or Dr. Whitethorn read it in her face, because he asked, “What about your cousin?”
Aelin grimaced. “He’s allergic to Fleetfoot. But I could make him take some histamines until I find somewhere else.”
“None of that.” He took her bags and pulled her dog’s leash towards his car. “You can stay with me for a week or two. I don’t mind.”
“What?” Aelin asked as her heartbeat got a bit faster.
“I have a spare room for you and a lot of grass for Fleetfoot. It’s the least I can do.”
She took a step further, but eyed him up and down. If Dr. Whitethorn showed any sign that he didn’t want her there, she’d go straight to Aedion’s.
“Come on.” He nodded to his car, face open.
Well, there was no arguing with an invite like that.
˜˜
9 p.m. Aelin wanted to kill 6 p.m. Aelin for even thinking about refusing to stay here.
His spare room? Comfy.
His books on medical imaging? A treasure.
His food? As mouth watering as the chef.
Aelin could stay the rest of her days here if it wouldn’t make her look like a parasite.
Fleetfoot was staying in the bedroom with her tonight, but she’d leave her outside during the day. Mala forbid her clumsy dog breaks something expensive while she’s at work.
Aelin tilted her head at the mirror, examining her own image. It was a sight, the way Aelin looked with that tiny nightgown of lacy and silk.
Too bad Chaol liked his video game better. And traitorous brunettes, apparently.
Tonight wasn’t about him, though. Neither would it be about the cock-breaker bitch she once called a friend.
Maybe a little, actually. There was this one thing she never did just to protect her friend’s feelings, but there was no stopping her now.
Aelin put her tinted lip balm on. The no-makeup makeup look she did looked perfect. Her hair was carefully messed up, every strand in its perfect place for an effortless look. She put her robe on for modesty reasons, of course. Too bad it was a little see-through.
Her own footsteps were the only sound in that hall, and the yellow light slipping through his office’s door guided her.
She knocked on his door once, twice.
“Come in.”
He didn’t take his eyes off his desk the whole time, leaning over his medicine books and laptop. That casual white t-shirt and tousled hair combo was enough to make her heart skip a beat.
Aelin leaned against the doorframe, letting that movement alone slip part of her robe open, showing off her curves. She tilted her head and assessed him like he was her prey.
“Hi, Dr. Whitethorn.” Her voice was a sultry caress, just enough to make him look up.
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Crimson Lights: Chapter 14
Masterlist
The first sliver of sun cuts through the darkness as Changbin wrenches the curtains wide open, flooding Chris' room with a harsh morning light. I squint against the sudden brightness and pull the covers up to my chin, watching Chris groan and burrow his face into his pillow.
"Rise and shine, hyung" Changbin's voice was devoid of sympathy. "You've got thirty minutes before we need to be on the road."
"Ugh," Chris' muffled protest comes from beneath the pillow. "Alright, alright, I'm up." He swings his legs over the side of the bed, stands up, and does a full body stretch, his dick prominently on display.
“Put that shit away!” Changbin yells as he raises his hands up to shield his eyes from Chris' naked body.
“Hey! You're the one who barged into my bedroom, so you get the full show!” Chris says as he scratches an ass cheek and winks at Changbin. He staggers like a man walking off a battlefield as he makes his way to the shower.
The room falls silent except for the sound of water hitting tile. I sit up, rubbing my eyes, and find Changbin already perched on the edge of the bed, studying me with an intensity that makes my stomach do a small flip.
"Hey," I say. "Was all this necessary?" I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Absolutely," he replies, his lips curving into a half-smile as he lays back on the headboard and crosses his legs at the ankles. He's wearing black slacks and a gray, short sleeve polo that accentuates his muscles.
I rest my head in his lap. “You are so annoying!”
"But you love me anyway.” He sticks a finger in my ear and I swat it away. “How was your night with Chan and Hyunjin? Wild?”
“What do you know?” I ask, slightly embarrassed.
Changbin adjusts the sheet covering my naked body, pulling it up gently to prevent my breasts from being exposed. The side of his thumb slightly brushes just under my collarbone. I’m unsure if it was intentional or not so I ignore it. “Han messaged me about the show the 3 of you put on on the dance floor.” He shakes his head in mock disappointment.
That little fucking gossip! I think to myself making a reminder to strangle Han next time I see him. “And Hyunjin’s passed out on the couch. What's he doing out there anyway?”
“You know why,” I state matter of factly.
Changbin laughs. “I did tell you he doesn't really like to share.”
“Well, he shared….until he didn't. Then he kicked Hyunjin out.” I cover my face with both hands. “But Binnie, last night was more than wild. That's the craziest thing I've ever experienced! I don’t think I've ever been so turned on like I was watching the 2 of them together.”
“They are hot,” he says, slightly mocking me with a smirk. “Of course it wouldn't have been a night out without Hyunjin starting a fight.”
“I actually started it,” I whispered. “But that asshole deserved it. He touched me and he called me the c-word.”
“You know they ended up taking him to the hospital.”
“Did they? He didn't look that bad,” I reply, my mind flashing back to the scene of chaos at the club.
“He wasn't until Chan and Han got a hold of him. They beat him within an inch of his life. He's very lucky that both Felix and Minho were there too. They're the only ones, other than me, who could have talked those two down.”
“Hmmm. Chris didn't say anything.” I pause. “What would you have done?” I eye him curiously.
“I would have shattered every one of the 54 bones in his two hands for daring to lay a finger on you,” his voice dropping to a husky timbre that made the air around us feel charged. His fingers graze my forehead as he gently brushes a curl out of my face, causing me to blush slightly.
Silence stretches between us for a few moments. I take a deep breath. "So…how was your night with Lauren?" I ask casually, repositioning myself to stare at the ceiling.
Changbin's posture shifts, his broad shoulders rolling as if shrugging off an invisible weight. "It was good," he says, but the words come out a bit flat. "We, uh, we slept together, but I didn't stay over."
"Oh?" I tilt my head back towards him, my eyes narrowing as I take in his tense posture. The morning light filtering through the window glints off his dark hair, casting a halo around him that contrasts with the tension in his frame. "Was it not good? Did y’all not click?”
I can see the hesitation in his face before he starts to speak. “No, we clicked. It was actually great. We had a lot of fun.”
I pause before probing further. “So what happened? Did she... was she cool with that? With you leaving, I mean?"
He glances down, his fingers picking at the edge of the comforter, creating tiny mountains and valleys in the fabric. "I think so. I mean, I haven't really talked to her yet."
"Changbin," I say gently, reaching over to still his fidgeting hands. "You should message her. Just a quick text to let her know you're thinking about her." I whisper the suggestion.
His eyes lift to mine, and there it is—an unmistakable blush staining his cheeks, a softness to his gaze that hadn't been there moments ago. "You think so?" His voice has softened too, almost imperceptibly.
"Yeah," I nod. “Unless…you don't want to see her anymore. And if that's the case, man up and tell her.”
“No, I like her,” he admits softly, but sounding almost like he's trying to convince himself. “But…”
“No buts! Gimme.” I reach my hand out motioning for his phone.
"Kay, you don't have to—" He starts to protest, but the words die on his lips as our fingers touch while he hands me the phone.
"It's not a big deal." I smile reassuringly, but my heart hammers against my ribcage, betraying me. Why did the air seem thinner all of a sudden?
"Okay," he relents with a sigh. "I don't know what to say."
"Let's keep it simple." I reposition myself so that I'm sitting next to him against the headboard, tucking the sheet under my armpits. I began typing, conscious of his gaze on me. 'Hey Lauren, had a great time last night. Hope you're having a good morning. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Can't wait to see you again soon.' I show him the screen.
"Perfect," he murmurs, but his eyes aren't on the message; they remain fixed on me.
"Sent." I hit the button before I could second-guess the impulse and he can reconsider. "There, now she knows you didn't just ghost her after you fucked. Cause that's the worst fucking feeling."
"Thanks, Kay," he says, but the slight unease lingers in his face, and I can’t deny the electricity that seems to dance between us, charged by something unspoken yet felt deeply.
"Anytime," I reply, my voice a mere whisper, wondering why my pulse is racing. I hand the phone back.
Chris emerges from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. As he walks towards the closet, his gaze flickers between us. “What's with the two of you,” he asks, his eyebrow raises quizzically, amusement evident in his tone.
“Nothing!” Changbin and I both exclaim simultaneously, before dissolving into giggles.
Chris purses his lips, then chuckles slightly. “It's always something with you guys,” he says before disappearing into his walk-in closet.
I turn back to Changbin, my eyes scanning over his outfit. He looks great. “Why are you so dressed up?” I reach over to fix his collar.
“Important meeting with a potential new investor for one of the businesses.”
I assume since he's talking about it openly, it must be for one of the legal ones. “One of the clubs?” I ask.
“An outdoor shopping center development. But we plan to open another club there as well.”
I nod. “So no ripped sleeves today?” I tease, a wide grin spreading on my face.
He tries to suppress a laugh. “Stop making fun of my favorite shirt!” he yells, mock offense in his tone.
“You act like it's your only shirt.”
“You do,” Chris agrees as he walks out of the closet, looking suave as fuck in a tailored black suit jacket and trousers. The material hugs his frame perfectly, while a light blue shirt unbuttoned to just below his collarbone adds a touch of casualness.
“Not all of us want to be the GQ man of the year. But you always look sexy, hyung!” Changbin jokes.
“Yeah, yeah.” Chris chuckles as he fixes the buttons on his sleeve. “Can we go?”
“Yup.” Changbin hops off the bed and smooths his pants out.
“Bye babe,” Chris says to me, sitting in the spot Changbin just vacated to kiss me gently on the lips. “I'll see you tonight?”
“No, I have a date.” I turn to Changbin. “We still on for tonight?" I ask, already looking forward to our usual Sunday night ritual.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Changbin replies with a wide grin, his eyes briefly locking with mine.
“Right. Housewives’ night.” Chris sighs.
“You can always join us,” I say, running my fingers through his hair playfully.
“Nah. I'm good.” Leaning in closer, he whispers in my ear, “You know I love you, right?”
A smile spreads across my face as I reply, “Yeah. I love you too.” We share another sweet kiss, before he pulls away.
“I’ll stop by after your date.”
“Okay.” He gets up and heads towards the door. “Bye Binnie,” I call out.
“Bye. And we'll take Hyunjin with us and drop him off.”
“Thank you! I’m too hungover to deal with him,” I say as I grab a pillow to lie on and pull the covers over my head.
As Chris follows behind Changbin, I hear Chris ask, “He’s still here??”
#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids#skz fanfic#bang chan#bangchan fanfic#bang chan imagines#skz smut#bang chan smut#bangchan smut#hyunjin#hyunjin fanfic#hyunjin smut#stray kids smut#bangchan#changbin#changbin smut#changbin imagines
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I’m not proud! I want “hey” with a raspy voice. 😂
Sorry this took longer than I thought but naturally I got really into the actual plot when it should just be a Drabble, lol.
I hope you like it! It's set in a random universe not in any other current fic AUs.
“Hey.”
It’s said in a raspy voice, a simple word. “Hey.” Yet it causes her toes to curl, the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end, and her palms to sweat.
She swallows, glancing up over the top of her glasses. “Hey,” she replies, fumbling a little with the books and study guides, as he takes a seat across from her. He’s still in scrubs, his dark curls pulled back, and he’s tired, but manages a smile as he takes out his books. She shoves a packet of papers at him. “These are for you, I made you a copy.”
“Thanks.” The rasp is still there. He sometimes sounds like he smokes ten packs of cigarettes a day, but she knows it's just from fatigue and maybe the vape he sneaks when he thinks no one is looking. Then sheepishly admits to and says "I know I'm a doctor, but it's a bad habit."
She feels like a teenager around him, not a serious resident, preparing to take her boards. The sooner they were over, the sooner she could get back to focusing on her patients and <i>not</i> her study partner or the overwhelming threat of not getting board certified in her specialty of choice. Things like <i>crushes</i> were for children.
Also apparently her.
He looks up when the barista calls his name and gets back to his feet, rather wearily, trudging over to the bar, where he smiles politely. The barista looks like she's about to faint. He's absolutely clueless.
She's never met a man so oblivious to the effect he had on anyone around him, men, women, children, nothing. He just seems to go through life like a raspy-voiced, super sexy, slightly rumpled and incredibly kind saint. She has to wonder what lies beneath his perfect exterior. No one could be that perfect. There has to be a dark side. She's always wondered.
Her best friend insists he must have a secret family or he's a criminal on the run. Maybe he's gay, Missy had suggested, but then Dany remembers how a patient dumped a water cup on her shirt and his gaze had lingered just a second longer when she'd walked off to deal with the soaking white t-shirt she'd been wearing. Not gay, just extremely clueless.
They are the oldest in their residency class so they bonded a little over that. Fire and ice, their boss Olenna Tyrell had said on the first day. The tiny silver-haired pixie and the hard-as-steel dark-haired wolf. They've been working together for almost five years now; she in pediatric emergency medicine and he, in trauma medicine. They ended up bonding when he moved down to spend more time in the emergency room. Now, it's been months of prepping for the test that arrives in less than a week.
They'd be traveling together, she thinks, biting hard on the end of her pen, which is already chewed up. Saving money on that. The boards are taking place at a hotel in White Harbor. It's a five hour drive from Winterfell, Queen Alysanne's Memorial Hospital, where he's lived his entire life and she moved up from Dragonstone for her residency.
She thinks it may kill her.
Tension has been building for…well the first couple years she was lucky to have someone who just wasn’t out to stab her and betray her, residency was brutal like that. Then he became a friend and she feared ruining their friendship.
Now?
Now the crush consumes her, and each time he says “hey” with that raspy Northern accent she wants to jump his bones and give him mouth-to-mouth. Also to see if his arse is really as shapely as it appears even in scrubs, which should be criminal. No one should look good in scrubs. Yet he does. It’s so unfair.
He sits back down with his coffee, a massive cup that she knows is filled to the brim with steaming black tar, which is how he prefers it. He takes a long chug; coming off shift, no wonder he’s in need of the boost. “Alright,” he says, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. He exhales hard. He flips to the part of their study materials they’d left off at and tugs his flashcards towards him. “Quiz me.”
<i>Fuck me</i>.
Her mind is horrific. She closes her eyes hard. “I can’t concentrate,” she mutters.
“It’s almost over Dany,” he says kindly, clueless to her angst. He pats her hand, his fingers lingering over her slightly upturned wrist, where she has three tiny dragons tattooed. “We’ll be real, official doctors once we pass these things.”
They sort of are “real official doctors” with medical degrees and white coats, but once they pass the boards, that’s when they get their license in their chosen field. It’s when they official end residency and become real life long coat doctors. Except she can’t <i>think.</i> She removes her hand from his and slams her books closed, taking a deep breath, her cheeks flaming, her brain fighting against this highly unnatural urge she has to just <i>say it</i>.
“Jon, I have something to tell you.”
He looks up, concerned, his dark brows furrowing. “Are you alright? Are you sick?”
“I just…I can’t concentrate on the boards on…on anything because…” She closes her eyes hard, and stutters out, fast and nervous: “Because I like you and it’s kind of killing me and I really just want to kiss you and I think once I kiss you, it will all go away and we can go back to being friends, forget everything, and then take these boards, and…and go back to normal.”
Normal, being whatever the seven hells it was between them once kissing was out of the way.
Once the <i>crush</i> went away.
He blinked at her, his lips parting slightly. She watched his gray irises widen around his pupils, before the pupil began to dilate. <i>Attraction</i>, her doctor brain began to tell her, going through the body’s biological response to sexual stimuli. Or maybe he was having a stroke.
Maybe she was having a stroke.
“A kiss?” he echoed. He waved his finger between them, swallowing hard. “You think…if we kiss…you can…you can end a crush you have on me and…and…then things…can go back to…normal?”
He’s piecing out the words, trying to fit it all together. She nods quickly. “Yes,” she blurts.
“Oh.”
They’re silent, and then he ducks his head. <i>Oh gods</i>. She’s truly ruined this. “Or,” she says, hurrying, and gathering her things, embarrassed, her face flaming hot, her palms sweating, and heart sinking. “We pretend that nothing ever happened and I go home and I jump off my roof and…”
Suddenly his hands are around her cheeks, scratchy palms on her soft skin, and his lips are over hers, and then she’s falling into him, and grabbing the front of his scrub shirt, before her fingers dive to his curls, pulling at them lightly. He’s gentle and mindful they’re in the middle of a bloody coffee shop, but she feels his tongue lightly brushing over her lower lip and she opens slightly to allow him to tease at hers, before they’re both pulling back, staring wide-eyed at each other.
And bloody hell.
The crush has now exploded into full on fucking love, she’s sure of it.
“Jon,” she breathes, holding onto his wrists.
He smiles, shy, and mumbles, “I’ve wanted to do that since the first day of residency, Dany.”
Now it’s her turn to be dumbfounded. “Oh.”
He nods and separates completely, hands dropping to their books. She does the same.
“Wanna’ get out of here?” they both blurt out at the same time.
“Yes,” they both reply.
Several hours later, as she stirs in his arms, waking from a lovely nap after finally discovering what truly lay under those scrubs– absolute perfection, of course– she hears a slight rasp in her ear.
“Hey.”
And she’s smiling, nuzzling closer, whispering, contentedly: “Hey.”
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This is not a vent post, it’s a book recommendation and self-analysis kinda. Please consider reading this, I won’t blame you if you don’t.
Last year around this time, my granddaddy passed away. Usually, online and in formal spaces I would call him my grandfather, but that’s not what I call him and I will not limit myself for this post.
Last year around this time I was beginning my second semester of college ever. I was not doing so well. My grades were low because my attendance was abysmal and my work outside the class was shit. However the previous semester I had taken a class that I was able to stick around for more than the rest.
This class was studying how different major religions and cultures coped with death and how they thought of the afterlife. I bought the books for that class with financial aid and never read them.
Just now I got done reading one of the books, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner, never read it until I found it sitting around today.
It’s a relatively short book, under 200 pages, about how Kushner deals with the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?” from his place as a rabbi.
Now I don’t have any sort of relationship with god. i’m not strictly atheist or anything but i tend to believe in whatever religion people want me to believe in if they ask me to pray for them or a family member.
when grandaddy died, i had nothing to fall back on. granddaddy was extremely religious and generous, i am so incredibly grateful he was involved in my life and there for me. but people from his church said it was a part of god’s plan or that there was a reason he passed when he did and when i was in such a low state at college already.
i moved away to college and the landlord sold my home. i was in an unfamiliar uncomfortable place where the only place i felt fully comfortable was now completely inaccessible. my mom moved in with grandaddy and took care of him before he passed. it was tense. he was kind but old and stubborn and so is everyone else. the drain of taking care of someone can be worth it, but that doesnt mean its not there.
i was, and am, dealing with severe depression surrounded by other gloomy people who didnt make it much better. i never went to class and i had, and have, crushing guilt that i was wasting the time and money of my family.
and then granddaddy went to the hospital. and then he died. and its unfair.
all of it is unfair, and if it was a part of gods plan then hes fucking unfair too.
now, i have not necessarily moved on. my fingers shake still if i think about it too long. i dont even know if im going to post this because of how exposed and raw i feel. but its important to me that somehow in some way this gets expressed and that someone other than myself will read it.
your suffering was unfair, whether it was a lot or a little. the world is unfair. we all know it. i hope you know that you will never be able to look into the eyes of someone who has never known suffering, and i hope you can find some comfort in that connection.
this book is from the point of view from a religious man. it talks a lot about a god i dont believe in. but the way it talks about suffering and how it effects people makes it helpful for me to parse my own feelings and thoughts.
so feel free to replace god with whatever you want, with humanity and spirit and the universe and everything good. here are some quotes, alt text included:
- sometimes i convince myself that what i feel is nothing more than chemicals, that the regret i feel from not driving home the day before and visiting before he passed was just something my mind is doing.
i once stayed up late at grandaddys house after he passed and i was shoved right back into school like my life hadnt just gotten its shit rocked.
my mom was in her room asleep, but i really couldn’t take it anymore. we stayed up late just talking through how we felt after i had cried to her. and to be completely honest, hearing that she had regrets and wished for just a little more time fucking sucked. knowing the people around you are going through it sucks, even if it was to be expected
but we connected over that long early morning. we resolved almost nothing. i felt the same as i did before and granddaddys still dead and buried. but it was easier to go on after that.
another quote, a tldr if you don’t want to read the book but want to understand what he gets at, in the end of it all.
i dont think i can forgive other people for being unfair, not without effort. but i think i can forgive the universe because the unfairness is proof that people have choices. shit happens, you choose what to do after it.
for a lot of people, mourning and religion bring them the strength to move on, as he talks about in the book. things dont get better because of prayer that god will fix everything or the universe will set itself right again or you can escape through fantasy books to another world,
they get better because something gives us strength to get up again and keep moving. to kushner, thats god and people who came together to support him. to me, i dont know yet, i dont know if i’ve really started to pick up my life yet. but i think this book helped me start to see the bigger picture
#long post#sorry this is kinda personal#but like thanks for reading if you made it this far#im not putting a readmore for Reasons. sorry
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In 2022, I had an estimated 129 medical appointments. Many times I had 5 appts a week, 3 in a day even.
Here is some of the necessary care I fought for all year but still can’t access:
❌ Surgery to address upper cervical instability and 2 bulging discs in my neck ❌ Physical therapy to address my thoracic pain (it took 13 months to get an MRI) and being unable to sit up for long, as well as for my right arm nerve abnormality. Every referral for PT was over an hour away. I can't sit up to drive that long anymore. They can send the disabled shuttle to pick me up, but that's actually even longer sitting up so it's not helpful. ❌ IV ketamine to manage my depression, C-PTSD, autoimmune disorders, and chronic pain (ended up going with at-home ketamine thanks to GFM donations, but IV would be better distribution for inflammation/pain) ❌An updated sleep study since it’s been nearly 10 years since my type 2 narcolepsy diagnosis and some of my other symptoms such as frequent painful myoclonus and choking in my sleep are now making it even harder to get consistent shut-eye ❌Disability benefits and Medicare as I’m now officially considered a “complex” case and have been dropped by doctors who didn't feel they could help me ❌Endometriosis excision surgery + getting my blood-filled ovarian cyst (red thing in photo) dealt with. After several months of going to multiple specialists to rule out other things, including cancer (being monitored for lymphoma/leukemia now), I was sent to a gynecological oncologist surgeon who does the complete wrong outdated terrible no good surgery. She wanted to just do a full hysterectomy and ablation of endo lesions. ❌An updated 1 year colonoscopy after my disastrous 2021 ulcerative colitis/endometriosis flare up that landed me in the hospital. My mesorectal lymph nodes are a little enlarged and there’s a mysterious lesion in my colon, which is why they sent me to a cancer doctor for bloodwork and PET scan—but I strongly believe it’s just endometriosis invading my bowels, which is why I need the endo surgery so bad as well. I'm at the point where my colon will completely go on strike and the pain from the constipation is ER-level (especially when my period from hell comes). It's also just dangerous. I've never had this problem so intensely before, so I'm being even more careful with food and supplements. ❌Pelvic floor physical therapy to help with debilitating pelvic pain caused by endometriosis and other things ❌ A pain management doctor who can prescribe me Tramadol, which helps keep me out of the ER every month, and that has minimal side effects. Something I’ve taken safely for 6 years with no complications. Instead, they'll only Rx Suboxone, which makes it hard to function and has side effects that can cause colitis or narcolepsy complications. I have to take 1/8 of a dose and I still pay for it later.
I had so many arguments with doctors to correct them when they brought up the wrong treatment, wrong surgery, etc. Not only did some of them already know it was bullshit, but others wouldn’t even try to have an open enough mind to keep learning past medical school.
This year was a lot of disappointment and frustration. I feel so worn down. This kind of medical trauma erodes hope and optimism. When intuition about our own bodies and the hours we put into research means nothing to medical professionals or insurance, it feels like we're at the end of the road. I wouldn’t wish the necessity for this kind of resilience on anyone. I wouldn’t have been able to withstand this year without the ketamine therapy or support from friends and followers. I cannot express what it means to have that, especially when I'm still pretty isolated day-to-day. To manage things on my own, I paid out of pocket for acupuncture, cryotherapy, red light therapy, ketamine, many new supplements, all kinds of new massage/trigger point/gua sha/acupressure tools. I went hard on a self-care/pain mgmt routine that I’m proud of, but I’m still very much disabled by persistent, impenetrable chronic pain/fatigue. I was thankfully able to get some prescriptions that help with flare ups, such as Xanax and Toradol. This is one of my many blessings in 2022. My fight is far from over but I want to go into 2023 with softness.
No more pushing through 16 appts per month while also forcing myself to constantly record and edit new content. I want to recline my floor chair and rest my back while I focus on editing older stuff. I have no idea how long it will take to get through my backlog of projects but I’m going to be putting certain things on hiatus so I can just take it slow.
If you enjoy any of my content at all, please share it and consider donating. Your support helps me afford my supplements and medication to keep managing my symptoms even when I'm not able to work that much. GoFundMe: Help New get relief from chronic pain & illness Ko-Fi: Make a micro-donation (name in YouTube endscreen!) Patreon: Monthly support and access to Hologram Discord server (name in YouTube endscreen!) Thank you for helping me be strong this year, Holograms. I love you all very much.
#spoonie#disabled model#disabled artist#endometriosis#chronic illness#mri#medical imaging#long post#alt text
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