#that’s not genuine for story purposes I just wanna see it

[starlooove]

Fuck WFA and all but those panels with Lucius would’ve been a GREAT moment to mention Orpheus 💔

[lucabyte]

🐮

[salpho]

(Reblog 1/2 this is the first time I've reached 30 tags PFFH)

Something I noticed is a lot of people who hated BATIM love BATDR and a lot of people fond of BATIM dislike BATDR. To me, this seems like a mechanics vs story issue. The actual game mechanics and aesthetic of BATDR disguise the lackluster characters and plot holes. However, BATIM still suffers those same issues.

This is a vague question, but what are your thoughts on BATIM vs BATDR story wise? Is either of them truly better? Or are they just flawed in different ways?

Sorry, this is long, but so are BATIM and BATDR :')

I think you hit the nail on the head in the sense that yes- BATDR has better gameplay and mechanics than BATIM, but BATIM by far has a much more compelling story that was able to capture and keep attention over the course of five chapter releases. And yes, BATIM is not without its flaws, for example it's mainly a walking simulator in terms of actual gameplay- the only thing saving it being the unique ability to suck the player in through the rich, stylistic environments.

In terms of story, here's my take for both of them-

BATIM is more solid overall, there are more connected plot points and there's a thread there to be followed from start to finish. It does suffer from some WTF plothole moments, the biggest one being Alice's 180 degree turn with suddenly using Boris as a killing machine rather than...what I can only assume was a plan to use his ink/body as some kind of reparative agent for the hole in her face (like thicc ink premium idk), or...some kind of spell...? It's honestly not very clear HOW she was going to use him, but bottom line she decided to entirely change her plan off-screen, which could have been remedied with something like a cutscene's worth of explanation, and more of a buildup to Brute Boris. The "reveal" in the haunted house didn't hold that much weight (at least to me,) just because we didn't even get a cookie crumb of a hint that Alice was going to mutilate him and use him as a drone instead of just axe him.

There are other nonsense details like Allison's ominous "I'm no Angel" line, which didn't make sense when Tom was the one to want to leave Henry. It was never explained WHY the Ink Demon walks around with a limp when he can shapeshift into a bigger and faster Beast version of himself (and apparently he was ALSO the hand in the ink river??? I guess???) And can we talk about how the cult Joey started was just never brought up again? Wally talks about how workers were encouraged (or mandated, idk) to put offerings in the break room to "appease the gods." What gods? Was Joey worshiping Bendy like a god? NONE OF THIS IS EXPLAINED EVER and honestly I think Micheal D. and Meatstick just Forgot that Joey was a cult leader in favor of Sammy's cult storyline.

But despite all of the plot holes, we still get a tale of a deteriorating studio, humans being used as literal skeletons for lifelike versions of cartoon characters, themes of life, death, cults, art, and more. Honestly, going deep into the plot of Bendy would take its own post to really do it justice.

I guess the main plot is this: Ex-co-founder of Joey Drew Studios, Henry, is trying to get the fuck home to his wife, learning along the way that through the power of a mysterious ink machine, his ex-business partner decided to coerce and persuade people to Literally Die so he could have the necessary materials to create living versions of his cartoons, thus making "his" characters (and more importantly, Bendy,) a reality. Once Henry does escape, he learns that Joey has sent him through this same hell before, still filled with hatred and spite, just in time for Joey to assumedly "reset" him and send him on a different version of the same journey, as we can guess from the storyboards on display in Joey's apartment. THAT on its own is an intriguing and layered tale, and that's not even including the other details, voices, and faces we run into in BATIM, AND the new info we learn in BATDR.

Now, BATDR...is something I've come to view as a mixed bag.

Story-wise, it weirdly wants to have its cake and eat it to. Henry's story is elaborated on, and part of Audrey's origins are also brought to light. This is helpful information concerning the plot of BATIM...but then we get assblasted with a ton of new characters and lore for a completely new Cycle under the reign of a completely new Random Old Man. I know he's Nathan's son, and he was mentioned in both Illusion and Fade to Black...but those were de-canonized, so it almost doesn't help context-wise...???? So...????

In a lot of ways, BATDR almost acts like it wants to be an AU branching from BATIM rather than a direct sequel, which it was marketed/confirmed as.

I think my biggest problem with BATDR is that some of the main characters are bafflingly like. Mishandled.

I'm gonna have the mildest take on earth and say I didn't like the new Ink Demon. Old design was better and more uncanny by far, the new design looks like Generic Satan or something straight out of Baldur's Gate. He was given a deep, guttural growling voice because....tumblr sexyman I guess. Even if they needed him to talk, it could've been something more breathy and raspy, true to the heavy breathing of the original Ink Demon. Also, his alternate form was made very childlike, and I'm just weirded out by the fact that you have this oddly "sexified" version of the Ink Demon on the flipside of Bendy the Child. I don't think any ill intent was meant by this, but it's more confusing than anything thematically. I'm also not sure why Bendy's abuse was brought up and then never touched on....? Like wasn't this guy locked up and called a monster his whole life? Are we going to...say something especially considering the moral of this story......?

Memory Joey is completely fine, but I just can't shake the feeling that the narrative is trying to paint IRL Joey as "UWU fixed now" when that's not the case. The most sympathy I can extend to IRL Joey is that he was a gay man who desired to have a family at a time when that was not only frowned upon but dangerous, not just socially speaking but in terms of his physical safety. But beyond that, this was a dude who locked people in a building to keep them working, coerced and possibly forced the deaths of many people to get what he wanted (the ink machine was a scientific advancement that could've had AMAZING implications for society but he Did Not Give a Shit about that), and was abusive towards Henry. If we trust the Bendy books, he also gaslit and killed his teenage staff. This motherfucker isn't a patron saint of anything, and even if Memory Joey can learn from IRL Joey's mistakes, IRL Joey was still a shitbag who just happened to raise a daughter.

Which leads me to Audrey. Some of Audrey's tale is explained- she was raised by Joey, forgot Joey was her father, and came to work at Archgate as an animator. Got to know Wilson, who works as a janitor at Archgate, and then he drags her into ink hell because....idk, she's his version of "A Perfect Boris" I guess. Fair enough. However, it's NEVER EXPLAINED how Audrey doesn't remember her father, or WHERE she went to live after his passing, or WHO she lived with. Remember, Joey was as old as a cave painting, so he clearly passed when she was very young. While you could argue she doesn't remember his name because she was little, SURELY she remembers his face or voice, or the fact that she HAD A FATHER??? Like, was there some huge trauma there? (Other than the fact that Joey was her dad?) It makes little sense to me that she would forget so easily. If I had to make a guess (and granted I'm no Mark Twain), I'd wager that Allison probably found Joey dead. Remember that Nathan hadn't talked to Joey in years, and Allison was the one who went out of her way in the first place to visit. At this point, Allison's gonna find a little girl running around by herself, and assumedly her and Thomas would've taken her in. If that's not the case, someone else found Joey dead, at which point Audrey would've possibly lived with Nathan and Tessa, considering how much Nathan cared about Joey. Either party has ties to Archgate. But all of that is just speculation, not confirmed, and even if any of that were true, Audrey makes no mention of it. And I'm sorry, Audrey's backstory makes me want to cry, because it's just NOT THERE and she has the personality of a depressed bucket.

Alice was alright...but she was kind of stupid? Which is like....the antithesis of everything cool about her? Instead of using traps and luring the main character from a distance, she knocks out Audrey (via unspecified drink), plays Diet Jigsaw with Audrey, and then gets pushed off a balcony. She was also a lot more...idk, suave and sultry in speech mannerisms in BATDR, which isn't bad, but her unhinged and clever nature seemed a bit watered down.

I don't really have notes on the rest of the main cast. Sammy was brought back to die immediately, which honestly was fine considering his death track record. We get some mentions of BATIM characters. Wilson and Betty were fine, and even some of the lore explaining how the timelines work made sense.

HOWEVER,

I've already said it a hundred times, but the old cast was shoved to the side for a bunch of new characters we had no time to connect with. A new butcher gang member was added when we still have Miss Twisted as a potential female-role filler (keep in mind the Projectionist is based on Camera Man and Brute Boris was based on The Brute.) The whole "Amok" thing was a REALLY roundabout way to get the Lost Ones to stop attacking Audrey.

Wilson's motivations are mostly consistent and I'd argue somewhat compelling, but I don't understand why he didn't do more to protect Audrey if he was going to need her for the endgame for Shipahoy Dudley? Like what's all this about letting her run around and get killed? Was he just aware that she'd revive?

The main message of BATDR was fine, but it didn't work super well for Audrey's character. She'd already forgotten Joey was her father, and was living in blissful ignorance of that fact until Memory Joey decided to infodump on her right away. Sure, the "just because you were born of darkness doesn't mean you have to be darkness" thing applies to her AFTER she learns Joey was her father, but...Audrey was never threatening to Become Evil, so it almost didn't need to be said and was kind of a flat message...? I would argue Memory Joey would benefit more from that message- as he's a literal copy of a Very Bad Dude. My guy was projecting this whole time.

I do think BATDR was worse story-wise, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it didn't have certain disadvantages from the start. The Kindlybeast debacle happened, BADTR was trying to continue a story from an existing property, and there was a severe lack of Adrienne Kress. Okay, maybe the last one was a bit much, but still. That doesn't mean I hate BATDR overall, I can appreciate a lot of things about it, but strictly in the story department, it needs soooooo much work and makes me want to jump off a Minecraft cliff.

[cheeseceli]

When you struggle to eat

Pairing: Ot8!skz × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, reactions

Request: reader thinking she eats "too much" and decides to eat way less for her body image, and how the skz boys would react to that.

Warnings: eating struggles will be discussed; reader has body image issues; mentions of food multiple times; use of petnames in Chan and Changbin's

Disclaimer: this was made with the purpose to comfort anyone who's going through a similar situation. If I made a mistake and made someone uncomfortable/aggravated the situation, please do tell me and I'll correct or delete this post immediately, whatever is preferred. Topics related to eating disorders will be discussed here, please don't read if that's something that triggers you.

Bang Chan - is ready to listen to all your worries

‌We all remember Chan's Room right?

‌He's ready to spend hours if needed just to understand what you're going through ‌and where your insecurities are coming from

‌At the same time, he will never judge you

‌So you know he's your safe place

Constantly checks up on you even if he's far away through texts and calls

And if there's someone who's aggravating the situation or making you insecure, you can bet he's gonna solve the situation himself

"Talk to me baby. What's going on in that mind of yours, hm?"

Lee Know - eats with you

Probably the first to realise something's off, considering food is almost his love language atp

Likes to have as many meals with you as possible

‌He usually makes a mountain of food in his plate, so you don't worry about the amount of food in yours

‌And he also runs errands with you

‌Especially those like buying food

‌You don't even gotta ask, he would be volunteering on the first opportunity

‌Also cooks for you, whatever you want

"Do you want to eat anything? I can cook"

Changbin - Hype man

‌Your personal hype man fr

‌Is ready to compliment you in absolutely everything

‌The best part is that you know that his compliments are always genuine

‌What do you mean you didn't like that trousers?? You looked fantastic in it! That shirt made you look even more gorgeous

‌He has known you for so long and still, he always finds something new to compliment you on

But even if after all the reassurance you want to change the way you look, he will be by your side to help you do it in a safe and healthy way

"You look perfect, baby. I promise. Actually, I still don't believe I managed to pull someone so beautiful like that"

Hyunjin - has all meals with you

‌And with that, I really mean all meals

‌Breakfast, lunch, dinner, you name it

‌Even if you can't really get out of your work place or your university, he's going there then

‌He just doesn't want you to be by yourself

‌He also always has something to say during those meals

‌News about their comeback, gossip at jyp, stories from his childhood...

He never fails to admire you a lot in those moments as well, never letting you forget how much he loves and appreciates you

‌He does that hoping it will distract you from the food, so you can be more at ease

"Have I ever told you about the time Kkami bit my ankle? I think I still have the scar."

Han - makes you feel beautiful

‌He truly doesn't understand how you don't think you're the most beautiful human being to ever set foot on this earth

‌In his eyes, you were born perfect

‌So, naturally, he makes it his mission to make you see yourself in his point of view

‌Compliments and adores you

‌Will make you feel beautiful, pretty, sexy, cute... Whatever you wanna be

‌Above all, he'll make you feel loved

"No matter what size, you'll always be my love. Don't forget that."

Felix - distracts you

‌With that, I mean that he tries to take your attention off food and body image related subjects

‌Before and after eating, he will always bring you along to activities where your mind can be turned off

‌So many fun dates!!

‌Even during the meals he'll have a similar idea to hyunjin and simply won't shut up

‌Most of his compliments don't involve around your body, so you really don't think about it

"I love this hairstyle of yours. It looks wonderful"

Seungmin - protects you

‌In a sense that no one even dares to comment on your looks/habits

Even if he isn't there with you

‌That because he made it very clear that everyone should watch their mouths around you

‌For as long as he's around you, he will do his best and more to protect you from harmful comment

Also tries to experiment a lot of different foods with you all the time, so you never feel like that's a burden or a bad thing

"Hey, have you heard about the new restaurant close to home? The food is peruvian. We could have dinner there tonight."

I.N - physically reassures you

‌He loves you and every single part of you, including your looks

I believe he was a bit lost in the beginning, not exactly sure on how to help you

‌But even if his words aren't exactly his biggest strength, he still wants to reassure you as much as he can

‌So he does that with his touch

‌Holding you on his lap, kissing all of your "imperfections" and tracing patterns in your skin

‌Anything that can ground, reassure and give you comfort at the same time

"Have I ever told you how perfect you are? I should tell you that more."

Masterlist | you'll probably like: when you're overworked (ateez comfort)

Thank you for reading<3 I hope this was able to help someone

» I won't put the taglist on this one as I don't want to tag anyone in something that can possibly trigger them «

Dividers by @/cafekitsune, images 1 2 3

Thank you so much for the beta readers: @duhgurl @beebee18 @applekiwi3202 @elqivxstxr @mrsunshine999 @msauthor

[aycius]

JJK MEN AS DADS !‧₊˚

feat. satoru gojo, nanami kento, & toji fushiguro

SATORU GOJO

literally the kids’ best friends. satoru’s parents weren’t necessarily the most active in his life so he made it a goal to have children with someone he genuinely loved — you. he is such a supportive dad and tends to overindulge in his children’s interest… one of those dads that buys boxes of mangos just because their child said they liked mangos. they wanna learn how to play a sport? satoru’s already got multiple personal trainers in his contacts to make sure your children have the best form of education when it comes to said sport. you thought satoru was playful before? oh, when he’s with his children, he’s even worse. tag, hide and seek, tic tac toe, satoru’s allowing the kids to stay up LATE, because he’s not giving up until he wins one of those games. you argue that the kids are still young, and satoru should be the bigger person and allow the kids to win but satoru isn’t hearing NONE of that. def the type to let the kids stay home just because they said they’re feeling “sick.” you kinda had to step in at a point because the kids got on and started lying just to stay home. regardless, this man loves his kids and is willing to do anything to ensure that they, as well as his lovely wife, you, live a happy and comfortable life. one time after a long family trip, you and satoru were settled in your room while the kids were asleep and he started getting emotional because he genuinely wondered what he could have done to deserve such a loving family :(( poor baby. underneath the playful facade he puts on for the kids, he just wants to make sure they never doubt that their father loves them. you always reassure him that you and the kisses are blessed to have a husband and a father like him.

NANAMI KENTO

you and his daughter are the light of his life. there’s no place he’d rather be than home. he loves it here. he has a portrait of you and his daughter playing in the backyard at his office and always looks at it to cheer him up when he’s having a bad day. recently, your daughter has been clinging and missing him more and she absolutely hates it when kento leaves. your daughter literally takes your phone to text nanami and is constantly checking up on him at work. it’s one of the things he looks most forward to when going to work. he also loves facetiming her when he’s on break because she is always asking for nanami at home and he feels so bad.. always reads her a bedtime story before kissing her forehead and tucking her in goodnight. you and nanami recently started doing road-trips every summer to the beach because your daughter has had a recent infatuation with fish. after a long day at the beach, you, him, and your daughter walk on the boardwalk as nanami carries the little one in his arms, your hand in his as you all admire how pretty the beach is at night. it’s so sweet because nanami loved the beach growing up. the fact that he has the opportunity to go with his new family now, he couldn’t be more grateful. never fails to tell you and your daughter that he loves the both of you more than anything in life. you guys are his purpose and motivation.

TOJI FUSHIGURO

… ok so i’m sure we’ve seen how he has been as a father but—hear me out! toji loves you and his kid severely. toji has always been one to not wear his heart on his sleeve and guard himself but he’s been working really hard, and constantly does, so he can be the best husband and father for his child. although toji is seen as this tough guy in front of others, he has the softest spot for his child. everyday when he comes home from work, his face instantly lights up when he sees his little kid run up to him and give him the biggest hug. scoops the kid in his arm and kisses them on the cheek while he talks about how much he missed the child. he’s def the type of dad to enroll their kid in a sport, and for some reason i can see him being a serious soccer dad. like that man does NOT play. the type of dad to get really loud on the bleachers if another kid on the opposite team LOOKS at his kid the wrong way. constantly makes bets with his kid that if they score a goal he’ll them candy and you’re just like… ykw i’ll let them handle this. you’re just happy to be there tbh. i can imagine toji being the coach to your kid’s traveling team, so weekends are always full of road-trips to the destination where they’re playing at. teaches his kid discipline and respect at a very young age. sometimes he can be a bit tough and you know it’s out of love but sometimes you do have to step in. truly, toji means no harm—he was just brought up roughly in his household. toji parents weren’t the best either so everyday he’s happy that you’re there as a guide to him so he can be the best father possible.

[archiveikemen]

Jude Jazza Main Story: Preview

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

My sin is— an unfulfilled promise. 

It all started with a single promise I blurted out in the heat of the moment. 

…

Kate: Until my time as the Fairytale Keeper comes to an end, I’ll keep looking for something I can love about you. 

Jude: Remember one thing, Princess. … My “promises” ain’t cheap. 

Jude: If ya break yer promise, I’ll show ya a livin’ hell that’ll make ya wish ya were dead. 

Jude Jazza, a member of Crown and president of a trading company. He was an arrogant, merciless, unforgiving villain. He was… exactly the despicable jerk my first impression and his reputation warned me of. 

…

Kate: If you keep going out of your way to make enemies, incurring the enmity of others, and putting yourself in more danger… you’ll… end up dead, you know? 

Jude: Ha? What’s it to ya if I die from all the grudges against me?

Jude: Don’t go actin’ all righteous and stickin’ yer nose where it don’t belong, idiot. 

Jude: No passin’ out now. Ya still owe me two rounds, mister. 

Amidst the endless cycle of revenge, he laughed in joy. 

He was a cruel man who delighted in the misery of others. There was no way I could ever come to love someone like him. 

But if I didn't fulfil my promise, it would be a breach of our contract— and I would become his prey. 

…

As I desperately tried to find something to love about him, we slowly grew closer— and the promise he wanted to fulfil became apparent. 

Jude: Ain’t laughin’? That’s rare. 

Kate: I’m not going to laugh. While it’s true that you’re narrow-minded, arrogant, cruel, greatly disliked, and a true villain right to the core… 

Jude: Go on. 

Kate: … No matter who they are, I would never laugh at someone’s genuine dream. 

That night, when we shared things about ourselves that we never revealed to other people— I found myself falling into the depths of love. 

… Because I fell in love with him, I realised things I never wanted to… like his true feelings. 

…

Kate: — You really should stop making any more enemies, in order to fulfil the promise. 

Kate: And yet… you’re crossing dangerous bridges on purpose.

Jude: … What ya tryin’ to say?

(The truth is, Jude is…) 

(He’s…) 

Kate: Do you want to give up? 

Jude: …

Jude: So what if I am? 

In this world where no amount of grudges, hatred, or cries can bring back what was lost— you’re more exhausted than anyone from carrying the burden of a promise you can't forget. 

…

Kate: I…! 

Jude: Love’s a curse.

Jude: Sayin’ “I love you” is like sayin’”I’ll  put a curse on you.”

Jude: It hurts when ya lose it, ya hate it when it’s taken from ya, and it’s unforgivable if ya get betrayed.

Jude: And yet, ya can’t resist it once it’s given to ya. Love’s the root of all evil.

Jude: I don’t wanna curse nobody, nor be cursed myself.

There's no saving you from love. It only brings you pain and suffering.

As I was crushed by this undeniable truth, a dark shadow crept up on me. 

…

???: Don’t move. Put your hands up…! 

???: Crown member Jude Jazza, you're under arrest by the order of Her Majesty's private army, 

Ellis: Jude.

Jude: Ellis, stay outta this.

Kate: Why!? 

Ellis: … He’s probably being framed. 

…

Even if you reject my love, even if you push me away, I’ll keep clinging to you. 

But while on the run, you… 

Jude: That’s enough. This time, I’m endin’ our contract. 

Jude: I got nothin’ to do with ya anymore. Don’t care how ya do it, just get outta my sight. 

Kate: What… how could you… you said it yourself that a one-sided cancellation of the contract is invalid! 

Kate: I refuse. I want to be together with you—

Jude: … Kate. 

He touched his fingers to my forehead. 

He was all I could see as he gave me a pained smile. 

Jude: I thought it was stupid of ya to go lookin’ for something to love about me.

Jude: But bein’ genuinely liked without an ulterior motive… doesn't feel so bad. 

Jude: — Good night, Princess. 

…

It was unbelievable how he put me to sleep, ignoring my wishes, and did as he pleased. 

That arrogant, cruel, unforgiving villain. 

And yet, because I was in love with him— 

I wasn't going to forgive him so easily for abandoning me after saying his piece. 

When I woke up, I chased after the 13th fairy… and cast a curse on him. 

An merciless, unbreakable curse called love.  

…

Jude: Of all people, I’ll make sure that ya never feel unhappy. And ya ain’t allowed to leave me, either. 

Jude: That's the price for castin’ this curse on me.

Let’s make a promise— even if it curses you. 

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

pleaseee kisses prompts 14, 15, and 33 with patrick zweig 🙏🫠

Sure :D

Prompts: An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it; a kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished; a fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

Warnings: Fluff; flirty Patrick; fake dating; smooches

Summary: Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.

"Would you cut it out?"

"No." Patrick's refusal was muffled as he chowed down on another two mini crab cakes. You glanced around nervously, concerned that anyone you knew might see your plus one shoving every hors d'oeuvre that he could get his hands on into his mouth.

Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.

The trade was straightforward: Patrick was your plus one to your friend's wedding, and you let Patrick shower at your place and crash at yours (or cover the cost of a motel for the night—he was cool with either).

But now, you were considering cutting ties early. If Patrick kept this up, then it defeated the whole fricking purpose of having him go with you in the first place. You didn't think that anything could be more embarrassing than showing up to a wedding alone while your ex was attending with his new girlfriend, but the way Patrick was stuffing his face was quickly proving you wrong.

"Seriously," You hissed, leaning in and elbowing him in the side, "You're either gonna choke, or I'm going to choke you."

Patrick grinned as he chewed, dusting off his fingers.

"Okay," He agreed before chasing the swallow with a swig of his beer. "Okay, you're right. I'll slow it down."

"Thank you."

"Need to save room for dinner, anyway. And cake. Are people still doing cake at weddings?"

"Sometimes."

"You think they will?"

"Honestly, they seem more like a dessert bar couple. They'll probably have a little cake for themselves."

"Explains why I haven't seen one." He folded his arms on the high table, glancing around the others mingling at cocktail hour. "Seen the ex yet?"

"No."

"You should've shown me a picture, I could keep an eye out for him, too."

"Better if you don't know what he looks like. Then you can be genuinely surprised if I introduce you."

"You don't trust my acting abilities?"

"With all due respect, you could be Ted Bundy 2.0 for all I know."

"Fake cast and missing puppy story not included."

You smiled in spite of yourself, and Patrick grinned.

"Tell me about yourself," He urged.

"What for?"

"Gotta pass the time somehow—especially if you're going to poo-poo me from the pu pu platter."

"There isn't a pu pu platter in sight."

"Can you just appreciate the joke?"

"It was a fine joke."

"C'mon. I mean, you're funny, you're gorgeous," He raised his hand, waving toward you, "Why does someone like you need to surf Tinder to find a plus one?"

You smiled, looking down at your drink.

"First of all, thank you."

"Anytime."

"Second of all...I don't know, since my ex left me I've been focusing on myself."

"No hoe phase?"

"Hoe—ly shit, you seriously talk to people you don't know like that?" You scoffed.

"I just mean, you know. Sometimes after a breakup, you wanna fuck around a little. Nothing wrong with that. It would explain why you're on Tinder."

"Oh? Is that you're on Tinder?"

"Honestly? No."

"Why, then?"

Patrick shrugged. "I like sex and sometimes I have trouble finding somewhere to sleep."

"How's that working?"

"Better than you'd think."

"Does the sex thing always happen?"

"Not always. I'm happy to crash on a couch."

"Mm."

"Not that I mind it when it happens. Thanks for answering my question, by the way."

"What do you mean?"

"About the hoe phase. You just said 'the sex thing' like it's a creature from the black lagoon."

"I did not—" You began to wind up for the next round of argument, but were cut off by the sound of your name being called. You winced, steeling yourself and urging, "Don't look."

"That the ex?"

"Yes."

"Perfect," Patrick stood up straighter, straightening his jacket. "Showtime."

"You sound way too excited—"

"Hey!" Your ex spoke up behind you, and you slapped a smile on, wheeling around and greeting, "Jeremy, hi!"

"How's it going?" Jeremy began to lean in for a hug, but went still when Patrick curled his arm around your waist. Your stomach flipped at the gesture, keeping your eyes carefully trained on Jeremy's face.

"It's going great, how are you?"

"It's good, it's good."

"Where's Francesca?"

"Oh, she's grabbing a drink."

"Awesome."

"You want another one, baby?"

Patrick's question threw you for a loop for a second, but you shook your head, smiling.

"I'm good, hon, but thanks."

"I don't think we've—met?" Jeremy's voice tipped up, and you had to fight off a laugh.

"I don't think you have. Jeremy, this is Patrick."

"Hi."

You watched Jeremy hold his hand out to shake, but Patrick just tightened his grip on your hip, drawing you a little closer as he offered, "Nice to meet you."

Jeremy's smile faltered as he drew his hand back, tucking it into his pocket.

"You two been together long?"

"Oh, gosh, a few months," You flubbed.

"How'd you, uh—How'd you meet?"

"At a match. I'm a tennis player."

"Oh! You any good?" Jeremy asked.

"He's the best," You answered without missing a beat.

Patrick chuckled softly, nose nudging against your cheek. "You're gonna make me blush, sweetie."

"Good," You smiled at him. A thrill shot through you as Patrick's eyes dipped to your mouth, and before you knew it, he was leaning in for a gentle kiss. You let your eyes slip closed, your lips working tenderly against his. Patrick's hand slid from your hip, sliding lower and palming your ass. You drew back, giving Patrick a warning look before turning to look at Jeremy again as he cleared his throat.

"I should go find Francesca."

"Sure! It was great seeing you."

"You, too—and nice meeting you, Patrick."

"Charmed," Patrick cooed. The two of you watched him turn, disappearing into the crowd.

"...That was good, right?"

"Yeah, it was good...Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"Get your hand off of my ass."

"Sure." He gave it a pat before turning back to the table, eyeing a passing server's tray. "Is that shrimp cocktail?"

--

"That wasn't so bad."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Little bit of both." Patrick leaned against your front hall wall. You took him in for a moment, taking in his loose tie, and his jacket where he was holding it over his shoulder.

"I think we were very convincing, so," You tipped your head from side to side. "You're right. It wasn't so bad. Thank you."

"Hey, sure. You can just venmo me."

"What?"

"For the motel."

"Oh! Oh, of course." You fished into your purse for your phone, biting your lip. To be honest, you'd been rethinking that particular part of the plan all evening. You hated to admit it, but Patrick was gorgeous, and had been so goddamn charming. He'd been funny, had made conversation with the other guests at your table, and he'd been perfectly affectionate—kisses on the cheek, the lips; a hand on your back, your waist. A time or two, he'd gazed into your eyes in a way that had felt so sincere and...Real.

Sure, he'd driven you nuts at the beginning of the evening, but he had grown on you.

"Um," You spoke up. "I was, uh...I was thinking."

"What about?"

"About the sex...Thing." You glanced nervously toward Patrick just in time to see his expression melt into flirty intrigue.

"Oh yeah?" He goaded. "What about it?"

You couldn't just come out and say it, right? You set your phone down on the counter and strode toward Patrick before you could talk yourself out of it. You grasped his rough cheeks, drawing him in for a kiss. He went without hesitation, dropping his jacket and curling his arms around you. You groaned softly, sliding a hand up into his hair and letting him steer you back against the wall. You parted your lips as Patrick's tongue probed them gently, his leg slotting between yours and rocking it back and forth.

You rolled your hips down against it, whining softly against his lips as his hands skimmed over your body. Patrick began to draw away, but you leaned up, catching hold of his lower lip with your teeth and giving it a rough bite. His hips jolted against yours, groaning low in his throat as you soothingly slipped your tongue along the skin.

"Do you still want me to Venmo you?" You asked.

"Not really. You still want me to crash on the couch?"

You hummed, pretending to contemplate before you let your hand slide from his curls to his neck.

"How about we start on the couch."

[miiilowo]

Highlights / Notable info from the second Scott Cawthon Dawko interview for people who don't want to watch it

MISC/START OF INTERVIEW

- scott says the 1 thing he'd wanna go back and change/fix the past 10 years is FNAF world; said a lot of weird/bad decisions were made going into it, that he didn't like the graphics and it Could Have been a good game but he doesn't like it overall & he may consider making an improved sequel

- he was scared to hand FNAF over to steel wool but he thinks he got lucky w/ them

- refuses to play both FNAF VR games because they genuinely scare him too much; didn't want to beta test them (funny)

- he very much knows the fandom prefers pure horror and the supernatural but cant resist leaning into scifi stuff

- doesn't like the names burntrap and glitchtrap and they were supposed to be temporary

SECURITY BREACH

- half blames covid splitting up steel wools workforce for the games lack of quality and delays

- says his "vision of the game" was misaligned with steel wool, that he had a "very specific story in mind" for security breach and it didnt pan out like he wanted

- he takes fault for it, saying he conveyed it in a bad way; "I was trying to tell steel wool to do specific things throughout the game, put specific items in specific places, have specific characters do certain things, meanwhile not TELLING them what the story plot was. Because in my head, I was thinking 'Okay, when people find this, they'll connect this to this to this & it will all be revealed, and I thought I could do that without telling steel wool the story plot. That didn't work out very well because they got all of these pieces, and they thought it was their job to connect them in a way that made sense. And so really what you ended up having were the same pieces telling completely different stories...I don't blame them for that, I blame myself for that, because what I should have done was gone 'hey, heres the story, the pieces are here, here's how theyre supposed to connect'."

- burntrap originally even supposed to move; just supposed to see something you saw in between machinery or in corners, that you werent supposed to know his purpose even though he used to have a very specific one (that the fandom doesnt know)

- he knows it didnt turn out like anyone wanted & thats why they made the RUIN dlc, he hopes it redeemed security breach

- he said hes learned from that mistake with security breach and things should be better in the future

- he cannot share any thoughts on the mimic

- he likes vanny a lot, shes one of his favorites and he thinks that shes underutilized and should get more spotlight in the future

THE BOOKS

- process is 'he has an idea, he proposes it to the writers, they flesh it out'

- he likes bunny call the most, and that it's not entirely made up; he took his family to a summer camp. 2 older kids 2 babies. one of the things you could sign up for was a 'panda call' . a very 'deceiving title', he says. early in the morning, a bunch of the camp counselors dressed as killer clowns would come into your cabin and scare the kids to wake them up early and drag them off to do their daily activities (?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????) and he knew this was the case, & before it happened he started to sort of feel bad that he signed up his two youngest kids for it so he crept outside in the dark and 'started listening for screams' early in the morning. 'somewhere in the dark in these trees theres clowns and theyre coming for my cabin'

- acknowledges the fazgoo is weird and bad.

- the 'creature on the cover of blackbird is my sleep paralysis demon' (quite literally)

- says his least favorite story is the guy getting pregnant with springtrap's baby and that he Doesnt Know What He Was Thinking, that he swears he 'wasnt trying to pick on matpat'

- he says theres potential for the books to be adapted into shorts goosebumps style, but hes afraid it might be 'too much' and oversaturate the franchise

THE MOVIE

- he says a big issue was that there was material thats difficult to translate to the big screen; the nuance of the antagonists being that the animatronics are possessed by the spirits of innocent children, and he wanted to preserve the innocence of the victims while also having the horror and the kills, and thats a big part of why several screenplays got scrapped; he was more picky/cautious about that than anything else

- says the victims are sort of like 'confused, scared animals backed into a corner, who believe that adults are out to get them' & thats part of why they kill people + the manipulation from william afton

- he likes the movie overall but thinks specific things could be improved and they aim to do that with the second movie, but doesn't want to dwell on those shortcomings too much

- hes perfectly happy with critics hating it but the fanbase loving it & that was his goal for it

- when the movie began showing in theatres he said: 'i told myself i wasnt gonna go online i wasnt gonna read any reviews i had already told everybody at blumhouse and i told my legal team DONT talk to me DONT call me DONT email me DONT send me charts DONT send me facts or figures i dont want hear ANYTHING', saw 1 negative review on accident then started reading all of them immediately before the 2nd showing even happened

- 'for a couple of hours there i was distraught, i thought it was a complete disaster' (based off the initial negative critic reviews, before learning how much the fans loved it)

SECOND MOVIE

- Not giving away many details, but following the same formula; 1st movie based on 1st game, 2nd movie based on 2nd game, etc

- Thinks people will like it, that the setup for the 1st movie was the hardest part but now that they have that launch pad to go off of and hes really fond of what they have planned

- Emma Tammi is also directing the second one

INTO THE PIT GAME

- was originally just supposed to be a short novelty game, but they made something really good and he encouraged them to keep going & its turned into a full-fledged game

- he says its going to be a very 'unique experience' and that everyone will like it a lot

- says working with megacat (studio for the game) has been 'weird but good', that theyll vanish for several months and return with a bunch of info

SPINOFFS, GENERAL FRANCHISE STUFF, FUTURE PLANS

- Would want to work on a game based off of Fetch and that he thinks it'd be really cool

- Says he feels like he's sort of lost touch with the fanbase as things have gotten bigger

- Wants to have a better structure for managing a twitter page, official news feed, etc., wants more management than just Himself because it'd better service the fanbase

- He says theres another game planned with steel wool (not the mimic game) way down the line that hasnt been announced yet

- Making more choose-your-adventure fnaf book stuff

- He's 'very careful' with collaborations because he wants to preserve the fact its fnaf and he doesnt want it to be distorted or tainted, & even if he really really likes a game he won't do a collab if the vibes are mismatched, but he's a little more open to things like that now (but we have FNAF X DBD now! yay)

THE BOX.

- (paraphrased) His process for a lot of the lore in games is that he'll come up with half of a mystery and then come up with an answer as things progress, that he feels something is there and he makes the path for that thing to be revealed

- 'but sometimes when things progress the roads that have been put in place arent the same roads that were there before'

- he had something planned for the box. the progression of the story did not allow for the reveal of whats in the box

- he never pursued whats in the box. and he will never know whats in the box.

[facewithoutheart]

Five plus One, fic recs

A post is going around about fics you consider classics in the Snowbaz fandom. I’d like to take it a step further by asking …

What are five fics you consider your inspiration/influences for writing, plus one of your fics which you think best represents what you want to bring to the fandom?

5. Hang the Moon by @captain-aralias

@captain-aralias is, to me, the snowbaz fandom fic writer of our time. Her commitment to detail, to nailing Rainbow’s voice, while infusing every fic with a heart and purpose that will leave you changed. Every fic of hers is chef’s-kiss-perfection but I’m highlighting Hang the Moon specifically as a fic I often think about (Baz, wet tennis clothes, helping Simon fight the merwolves), and a fic that was my introduction to what fanfics could be/do. I think I finished this fic and just stared at the wall for an hour because I was just like, oh. Oh.

4. The Pitch by basic-bathsheba

Local Hero is one of my favorite fanfics but I wanted to highlight this fic because it’s just such a powerful and understated story. It’s love in the details. This Simon is the model for all of my Simon’s, just a complete simp for Baz haha but also a man who is comfortable and confident being the man who loves Baz even if he doesn’t get to claim it publicly.

3. Stay Up With Me by @sharkmartini

Not sure what to say about this that hasn’t been said a million times. It’ll break your heart; it’ll put you back together. The concept is brilliant and the exploration of two Simon’s will definitely put your emotions through a wringer. Time travel/what-if fics will always grab my attention but this one in particular makes the same case Rainbow posed in Carry On: what if the villain isn’t the villain? And takes it a step further, because Simon realizes he could be the villain, too. Absolutely beautiful.

2. Can’t Find My Way Home by @carryonsimoncarryonbaz

This is one of those fics that just has so much heart and sweetness. I love a good second chance AU, and this one has such Hallmark vibes in the best way. I just love the slow burn of it, and the amazing ending. A perfect holiday fic to snuggle up with. Reading this feels like being cozy up by the fire with someone you love. Actually writing this makes me wanna reread this so much; now that I live with actual Fall I wanna feel cozy like this again.

1. Basil Pitch’s Diary by @bookish-bogwitch

I know it’s a bit weird to rec a WIP as an influence, especially one that’s being written as we speak, but working with/beta-ing Em’s works have made me a sharper, smarter writer. I know this fic is a classic in the works and it’s something I think about on a weekly basis. The Baz Em gives us, to me, feels like canon Baz taken to the next level. What if Baz was the villain … but only to himself? Em’s writing really is just economical in the best way; every line hits, every paragraph teaches me something. And then the heart. It’s genuinely so hard to do what she does and I’m so lucky to get to see her work in realtime.

+1 This Will All Go Down In Flames

I think, at the end of my fandom career, I want this to be the snowbaz fic people associate with me (Spadey being a close second hahaha). But I do feel like it’s got a lot of fandom in-jokes, humor, and sweetness, plus the fun high-stakes of them being in the spotlight. I got to celebrate the Austin I love and miss, as well as poke fun at my own hipster upbringing. I put a lot of Me™ in this fic and it always feels so lovely when people like it. Besides, I got to work with the amazing @tea-brigade and their art just takes this fic to the next level. A dream collab.

(Throwing in the caveat that I started reading long before I got an ao3 account so it’s very likely I’ve missed some amazing fics from before 2021; I’m so sorry!)

Tagging everyone listed above and six more peeps to start: @cutestkilla, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @larkral, @ileadacharmedlife, @thewholelemon & @aristocratic-otter

[saturngas]

Hello! I hope you are well 🩷

E It may sound cliché or a bit stupid, but I'm genuinely curious about the fandom's opinion on Gojo's ideal type. The few things I found are a little shallow and nothing very elaborate, or from a few years ago when we didn't have so much Gojo in the manga. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? 🥺

gojo’s ideal type

helloooo thank you so much for this ask. I love this kind of asks because they make me think hard hhaha

but anyways I really think gojo wouldn't have like an exact idea of an ideal type regarding personality and appearance, the only thing he would focus on/prefer is that his s/o understands him.

so we are hinted multiple times throughout the whole story that gojo feels alone, especially after geto's departure, and that the main reason is his unreachable strength. he is the strongest sorcerer. he doesn't really look for a super strong partner, but I would definitely think he prefers someone strong or with a cool technique.

some people affirm that gojo values people measuring their strength, and I kind of agree with it, but to say he only see the strength of people is wrong, I would say that he looks for people with potential (like he has stated before with megumi) and definitely people with a strong mindset.

so I really dont wanna make this a gojo's character analysis hahah sorry so ill answer your question directly, just wanted to make that clear before stating my beliefs.

I think gojo would settle for someone who thinks like him, regarding the jujutsu world. he wants to change it, so he wants people who think like him to be next to him.

if that person, like I said before, has a strong mindset and unbreakable personality, I think that would be a huge plus. I feel like gojo likes dense people, someone who doesn't really changes their opinion like super fast, someone in control of their beliefs.

now regarding a bit of personality, I think gojo would get along with almost all personalities. he is very smart and honestly very kind at heart, so he would look for positive traits in every personality. buuuut if I had to be a bit more specific, I think he would like a bit more a woman with a demanding personality. like not exactly someone who is dominant over him, but kind of. hahah he likes seeing someone trying to boss him around considering he is the strongest and can do anything he wants, so meeting someone with such guts makes him wanna know more about that person.

a kind person would also be a plus. well, not exactly super kind, but someone who helps others. lets remember he is a teacher after all, so he would look for someone who cares for others, especially the younger generation. I think he would prefer someone with a similar profession as his. it doesn't have to be an educator just like him, but like I said before, someone who cares for the youth.

a bit of an unpopular opinion hehe but I simply cant see gojo with someone who doesn't have a similar humor as his. like we always see people getting annoyed at gojo for being such an idiot, so I really think his partner needs to-has to be just as silly and goofball as he is. like someone who supports his jokes and antics. I cant see him with someone super serious or someone who is plainly boring.

I think the perfect match for gojo is someone with the same energetic and passionate energy as him. he would love someone who is also clingy or physical as him, I feel like he loves giving and receiving physical affection. that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the other love languages, but I think he loves receiving touches, words of affirmation, and service acts.

so in summary, I think gojo's ideal type would be someone who agrees with him/has the same purpose as him regarding the corrupted jujutsu sorcery, someone who is fraternal and supportive of the youth, someone who can match his silly and quirky personality, someone with a corresponding humor as his, someone physically and emotionally strong, someone passionate and intense about their own dreams and goals, someone who understands his position as the strongest and is there next to him anytime he needs reassurance, someone who can read him easily since he isn't overly open, and someone who would love him and demonstrate love just as him or even more (he would love that).

I definitely think he is a tits guy.

taglist: @snwvie @fanficsforkicks @soulaires <3 so guys right now im out of town so I won't be making super long and specific content for a few days. but once I get back to home ill be working on parts 2 of some fics :))

[celestie0]

Are we gonna have smut in ihm soon?🤭

man it’s really fuckin disappointing and sad to spend 10 hrs out of my week to try to create a meaningful story, one that resonates a lot with me and the things i’ve been through in my life, one that i hope my readers can resonate with and see themselves in, just to get asks like this.

like, picture this. you get super excited to write this story of yours, you plan aaaaaall these secondary plot lines, introduce new characters, create different character dynamics, try to include scenes that strengthen relationships with already existing character dynamics. plan out an ENTIRE story on paper (my ideas doc ALONE for ihm has 13k+ words) and try to leave subtle clues here and there in your chapters to support a build up of tensions that’ll lead to a payoff later on in the series. oh, and this is just the planning part. did you know that it takes the average person 1-2 hrs to write 1k words? the last ihm chapter was 14.1k words. go ahead and do the math, and try to figure out how long it must’ve taken me to write it. without even counting the time spent i spent editing it.

i know that this fandom is so horny brainrot fucked up to the nines, i’ve sincerely never seen a fandom that needs to touch grass more than the jjk fandom. and admittedly, i am also super excited to write more smut in my stories! sex is fuckin cool n sexy! but let me just get one thing straight to you horny anons that send me asks like this: my stories are STORIES first and foremost. they are not VESSELS for your FANTASIES. they are not PORN with PLOT. they are my stories, that i write drawing from my real life experiences. and, hey, news flash, they mean a fuckin lot to me! i’m assuming you didn’t do the math on the 14.1k word chapter thing, but i’ll tell you right now: it took me maybe 20 hours to write ch3 of ihm. something that probs took you 1 hour to read, and then ten seconds to send me this ask. surely your tonedeaf brain can at least understand that i wouldn’t spend that much fuckin’ time writing something if it was just supposed to be porn with plot.

listen, i know that i’m not the best writer. i understand that, after reading all of this, you might be thinking “shut the fuck up bitch, your writing aint alla that for me to respect you. we only care about the smut, don’t you understand?” that’s valid. i’ll respect that. i never claimed to be a great author, or deserving of anything meaningful from you in return. ultimately, it’s my choice to spend the time that i do writing, no one’s forcing me, and i would never expect people to support me either (although i am always infinitely grateful for it and tbh the support is what keeps me writing). but what i don’t deserve is to be sent careless asks that make me feel like you see no purpose in my stories other than sex. other than smut. other than a penis going inside a fucking vagina.

anon, you know what would make me excited to continue writing my story? excited to get to the parts where characters ARE intimate with one another? is if you maybe threw in something as simple as a fuckin “hey i loved that part in ihm ch3 where [x]. thought it was a cool thing to do. btw, looking forward to the smut!” would’ve taken you a solid 30 seconds. it just took me 30 seconds to type that. or? you know what else you can do? go sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and spend 20+ hrs writing a 14k+ oneshot on the smut that you so badly wanna see. it’s your choice. really! i mean it. go be the change you wanna see in this world.

i have never once felt like i deserved any of the support that i’ve gotten. idk how to write pretty prose. or moving stories. i read some other people’s work on this app and i’m genuinely gobsmacked by how talented they are and constantly think how shitty my writing is in comparison. but my thing is that i am at least trying my best to write stories that people feel worthy of reading, because i feel like that’s the kind of respect that an audience deserves. i am trying my best to put my character and integrity into things that i write, even if what i produce ends up falling flat or doesn’t come across. but this ask isn’t an isolated issue. this issue has come up multiple times in the time i’ve had my blog, where people just reduce my stories down to smut smut smut smut smut when are we gonna get smut when are they gonna fuck write more smut in kickoff you should make ihm couple fuck like rabbits in the next chapter oh we better see them do [redacted redacted redacted] or else imma [redacted redacted redacted]. my fics are literally TAGGED with "slow burn romance"...i am fully transparent about it. and while i’ve also gotten so many meaningful heartfelt reactions to my stories (which, btw, were tastefully horny…yes, there is a way to send an author an ask that is tastefully horny while also appreciating their work!! insane wild concept!! /sarcasm), unfortunately these bad interactions will always stick.

like. would you ask someone you knew irl that was writing a novel, when they're gonna write the smut for it? would you tell them to hurry tf up and finish their novel just so that you can read the smut? would you send them your smut fantasies and be like "include this in your novel for ME because I want it "? no. because they'd think you're creepy n weird asf n overbearing then drop you. so why is it okay to do that to an author on tumblr? what happened to manners? what happened to decorum? especially for creators who are making you content for FREE.

if i was an author that wrote purely smut oneshots, i’d maybe kinda sorta understand (still think it's wrong asf, regardless of the content of stories that you write). but i feel like, after the 200k+ words that i’ve poured into my two stories (including the chapters i’ve written that i haven’t yet released) where it’s CLEARLY evident that these stories are much more than smut, i’d think that i deserve treatment a little bit better than this.

i’m done. i’m done trying to be nice. i’m done just silently deleting rude asf asks because i don’t wanna cause a scene. i’m done worrying about hurting people’s feelings, when I’M the one that is getting my feelings hurt while you just get to hide behind an anon.

i. am. just. fucking. done.

[gotskamstuff]

I am actually heartbroken right now, there’s no other way I have to describe it if not heartbreak and the thing is that I don’t even mean it because of the emotions evoked by the story, it’s actual pain by seeing my favorite show being ruined.

‘Cause I’m sorry but the show is forever ruined for me and I won’t be able to look at it with the same eyes ever again. I’ve said it once before when we were discussing rumors and I’ll say it once again now that we have seen it become a reality…this to me goes behind JJ being a fan favorite and even behind the ship, this is genuinely something that made me lose trust in the storytelling and in the core that’s this show.

This makes no sense, ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

Once again I’ll repeat it, I’m no snowflakes when it comes to characters death in shows (hello? Game of thrones fan here? I suffered like a dog) but damn, there’s gotta be a sense for a character dying and there’s absolutely none here, this is also not the type of show when it would be needed.

I’ve always said it and a character like JJ could’ve ended only in ONE WAY to give justice to him and to his story: LIVING HIS FUTURE.

When I say this ruins how I view the show and my trust in the storytelling I mean it with my whole chest, this has ruined JJ’s story from season 1 episode 1 “The Pilot” to this day, JJ’s ENTIRE story doesn’t mean anything anymore…what was the reason for all this? JJ’s story has always revolved around him never believing to have a righteous future in store for him, never believing he could have something good for himself and you get the idea, his whole story arc was about him never seeing anything for him…and he doesn’t? HE ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAVE A FUTURE? What was the point? What was the poiny of seeing JJ struggling from day 1? What was the point of exploring his insecurities? What was the point of seeing him falling in love? This is what I find the most heartbreaking, if I put season 1 episode 1 on right now and I see JJ on my screen, the first thing that comes to mind is: What was the point of any of this? If he never overcame his struggles and still didn’t get closure with Luke? If he died still believing only a episode earlier that he still didn’t have a future for him? If he still struggled to accept the love and never overcame his insecurities? If he never got that future he dreamed about? (which yeah ok he got for like what? 5 minutes of screentime) …what was the point in JJ’s entire story if he never got to prove himself wrong?

The only right way a character like JJ could’ve seen his story end with dignity would’ve literally been living that future he was sure he’d never have: have a house, a job, a family, HAVE KIDS, grow old not being a drunk in prison. And they killed him TWICE in my opinion, physically and also morally by making him die not being himself and still with all that anger and fear inside him and without his story ever finding closure.

None of this does justice to JJ’s story and his arc.

This is honestly what I can’t wrapped my head around, the reason why JJ was a fan favorite was not casual…it was because of his story, when we say “we watch for JJ” is because he’s one of those characters in a show that you’re rooting for, that you wanna see defeat the odds and get the ending his heart deserves…and I’m sorry to the writers because unintentionally they made him the protagonist just as much as John B if not even more at times. When we say there’s no excitement to watch the show now this is the reason: what’s there to root for if we were rooting for their better future and this was the whole story SINCE SEASON ONE?

I had big hopes for this season and I actually enjoyed part 1 but wow was I let down, this ending just killed the entire show for me…there’s no sense in this.

I know I’m repeating myself now but I can’t stress this enough, it destroyed the show ‘cause it ruined the entire purpose of the story. Looking back now nothing about JJ’s story was worth the pain and suffering he went through and looking forward what’s there to say anymore? They’re gonna go hunt for this crown and get rich? Ok, wasn’t the whole moral of the story about the real treasure being their found family?

I loved this show since April 2020 and I would’ve gladly watched it for YEARS AND YEARS ON, but wow I would’ve rather seen it end in the trilogy or with this season with a different ending, leaving a good memory.

I’m not gonna lie…I knew this was gonna happen, I tried to not trust the rumors and I tried to think rationally but when Rudy and the producer unfollowed each other, when Rudy didn’t share anything about S5, when in part the whole story was building around the Pouges being mad at JJ and not saying “I love you back” I kinda figured AND STILL I was hoping to be wrong and I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised ‘cause I knew how bitter it would’ve left me.

And I mean it, I’m heartbroken AND MAD. The story totally ruined.

And can I get this straight, everyone is already jumping on Rudy’s ass ‘cause yeah let’s be real, he probably was done with the show and and all that jazz and it’s not cool at all, but IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME…actors ask to leave shows all the time and in the end it’s still the writers call to decide how to make it happen, there are tons of different ways to write a character off ESPECIALLY A CHARACTER LIKE JJ, who always had that element of spontaneous take outs and with the blank paga that they had with the “surf trip”. There’s only ONE season left, I don’t think that Rudy would’ve refused if asked “hey of we can work around this, how about 5 minutes of screen time in the final episode?”…an open ending for his character that left the audience wonder “what’s JJ doing around the world?” “Where did he go?” would’ve been much more dignified for his story. In the end if they put a definitive ending to him and it was THEIR decision.

I’m actually devastated and I know it sounds exaggerated but this to me has also ruined the entire Jiara community as well…like what do we have left?

There was still so much they had left to their own story, KIARA’S STORY!! What was the point for her to fight so hard for him? to lose everything for him and get what in the end? TO HAVE HER WHOLE STORY REVOLVE AROUND HIM (‘cause that’s exactly what they did this season)? What a waste.

And it makes me incredibly sad ‘cause it has ruined all my excitement towards this part of the fandom that we built a community around…waht do we do with Jiara now? There was still so much I wanted to write for them in fictions and wanted to read from others but this has for the moment completely ruined my motivation to write for them and to even read their ff, knowing their story in canon ended and ended tragically, there’s nothing for their future. This is what I find so sad, there was left NOTHING to the imagination, nothing to let us wonder about their future.

This story ended today and I’ll never be able to look at it the same IF I’LL look at it. What’s the point of a story moving forward if the thing people were rooting for is gone? What are we rooting for if the Pogues are dead and the family is done? ‘Cause yeah, JJ was the core of the Pogues.

I find hard to believe that season 1 and 2 are the same show from season 3 and 4. The writing killed the show for good.

I hope WITH ALL MY HEART that I’ll be able to find back my excitement for my favorite show once again and that I’ll still be able to enjoy Jiara’s content again but I really find it impossible now.

I would’ve never thought that OBX, that show I watched in 2020 with genuine admiration for its story and way of portraying it could’ve been ruined like this. 💔

[crtstormie]

Loser, baby reprise idea

If we get a reprise of loser, baby in season 2 I want it to be the opposite of the original song.

like wether that be something going on with alastor, his gambling/ alcohol tendencies, or the fact that he hates he’s a winged cat. Maybe, if we wanna be angsty, all three. 

Like how the OG song was a combination of ANGEL’s relationship with VAL, his self destructing habits like drugs and alcohol, and his self hatred for his body and being a toy for Val, (or a PET, like how Alastor sees husk!) 

And then I believe this would take place somewhere more personal like in a enclosed room or bathroom or even at the hotel bar, where the OG was in a messy open setting on some rando street.

Preferably it would be later in the season so there would be a bigger break and relationship development to help the reprise hit harder since it has ALREADY become their song. (And to help the pacing)

So husk would be all down in the dumps and Angel would lift him up the same way Husk did to him all those months ago but since then, their relationship has become deeper and sweeter so it would be slightly more… cute? 

Like I don’t want something as light as the more than anything reprise compared to the original song where it just becomes lighter and more natural, no.

I want it to be sweeter in a way where it reflects how these two are still struggling together, are still losers together but it’s become less insulting and more lighthearted and teasing. like we already see in episode 8 that the losers thing has become a cute lil joke. 

So, it developed even more to where the reprise makes it genuinely sweet while not dumbing down on the purpose of the original song? That would be PERFECTION.

It would be shorter than the og since it is a reprise, and it would NOT be where they kiss. I have many ideas for when they kiss (if they even do cuz omg I love slow burns but idk if I could wait ANOTHER season if we even get a S3) probably about a minute long like the other reprises.

Since I’m so hyperfixated on this idea, I already imagine the main line is changed ever so slightly. 

Instead of ‘you’re A loser baby,’ it’s something super sappy and romantic like ‘you’re MY loser, baby,’ and they would both joke about how soft and stupid they’ve become?!?! I would MELTTTT.

I highly doubt if this were to happen these would be the lyrics by here’s my idea of how it would kinda go 

Angel to husk: so things look bad, and you’re back’s against the wall… *much slower, lighter, softer.

You’re whole existence seems, fuckin’ hopeless..

You’re feelin’ filthy as a {I feel like they would change the lyric here, but it would depend on the context and setting to make it work. Like how the og was outside a gross bar, the line ‘dive bar bathroom stall’ fit for that situation. Or it’s just a general metaphor and I’m insane.}

Can’t face the world sober, and dopeless… [ok imagine instead if it getting higher here like the OG song it gets LOWER? It would be a nice change for a reprise : o]

You’ve lost.. you’re way… but you know you’re life ain’t wrecked {There’s two ways the buildup to the chorus rewrite could go. - 

They could keep it the same, or change it up in a way to where Angel is referring to how Husk already helped him through this and this situation and how he knows it’s pointless to dwell. Which is why he’s helping husk now with the same problem, but he’s just a dumbass because he knows this! Reflecing on the original song idea of ‘yeah you’re pathetic but so am I with you’ kinda mentality.}

So I guess we’re correct… {or, as I originally said, OG lyrics BASED ON story context. Obviously idk what S2 is gonna be like lol}

You’re my loser, baby, my loser, goddamn baby you’re my fucked up little whiney bitch, you’re a loser just like me.

*And I would adore it if husk just did a sarcastic scoff and said ‘thanks asshole’*

You’re my screws-loose boozer and only one star reviewser [this line on they would sing it togetherrr]

You’re a {Depending on if the OG song was saying that Husk was also a power bottom and that was his company or if he just generally had company is still unclear to me, so they could hypothetically keep that line or take a spin on it where they joke about, say, husk being a submissive top? I’m just flowing with ideas gosh} [I wouldn’t be able to make a clever rhyme for that joke except for this so why not] >>>>>>

You’re a sub top at/off the highest rooftop, but you’ve got company~* in a more flirty and teasing tone cuz husk was also teasing him a lot in loser, baby* 

I will not explain the joke but it’s pretty self explanatory [The roof is considered either the most empty or luxurious part of a building, it can also be roofs, flying, wings I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS! And off if we want be a lil… dark if we ain’t referring to flying 🤨] 

|Anyways I ain’t no professional songwriter in any way that’s just a little personal dumb line|

And then it would end! Like I said not in a kiss like the more than anything reprise cuz I don’t really want another chaggie parallel? (Not saying the chaggie and huskerdust parallels are bad it’s just parallels between the f/f couple and m/m couple when they’re both very different I don’t want to be many) - 

I think it would be a hug or a soft snuggle or something more simple get intimate like that : P since Angel needs sweet stuff not more ‘sexual’ :/ advancements.

Or this whole thing is pointless cuz the point of the song was Husk telling Angel once and for all that he’s not alone and they wouldn’t need to bring it up again? But we already got the instrumental so there’s slight hope…

Anyways, if we were to get a loser baby reprise that is just my personal idea of what I think would happen! Obviously the second season is already written but if something even remotely similar happens to this I will be happy. Hell maybe I was right on point but it’s highly unlikely haha

Toodles~ |I didn’t write this at 2 am instead of sleeping on a school night cuz I had 2 assignments due whatttt|

[dreamyreveriie]

𐙚 WARM WELCOMES — LEO VALDEZ .ᐟ ˚⋆. ˚ ₊ · ͟͟͞͞➳ ꒰ leo valdez x gn!reader — a riordanverse blurb ꒱

— ordered﹔yes / no - here!! — ingredients﹔fluffy whipped cream, use of y/n, purpose use of lowercase alphabet soup, reader has a supporting/loving family, established relationship, probably not well proofread, lmk if i missed anything! — wc﹔500+ // 4 min average reading time — recipe﹔read the order above :) — cassie's tea time﹔i've been scrolling on pinterest for so long and couldn't find any good photos for 'handmade' stuff so i decided to just go w those three 😔😔 i also had like no idea what to name this HELP [also thank you to that anon who told me what i got wrong because i was like half asleep when i wrote this]

﹙the cafe // dishes // menu // barista board﹚

leo valdez stood nervously at your doorstep, one hand stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and the other fiddling with a gift he brought for your family. despite the confident grin he usually wore, you noticed the anxiety in his eyes. you reached over and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"they’re going to love you, i just know it." you said, smiling warmly.

"easy for you to say," leo muttered, but his smile became more genuine as he looked at you. "you're not the one who has to impress their partner's family."

"you'll do great," you assure, kissing his cheek.

as you opened the door, you could hear the sound of laughter from the living room. leo’s grip tightened on your hand for a moment before he took a deep breath, following you inside.

"mom, dad, this is leo," you introduced him to your parents. leo smiled nervously, giving them a small wave, his eyes looking around the room as if taking everything in.

your father stepped forward first, a kind glint in his eyes. "nice to meet you, leo," he said warmly, extending a hand. leo shook it firmly, a bit of the tension easing from his shoulders.

then came your step-mother who treated you like you really were her own. "my child's boyfriend, yes? she talks about you a lot." she chuckled.

you blush, and leo can't help but laugh as he glanced at you, his anxiety melting into amusement. "they're truly one of a kind."

"i made a few things for you guys.. just as a gift, y'know?" leo says sheepishly with a smile, handing your family the handmade gifts he had spent all night working on.

"made this yourself?" your father says, impressed as he examined the wrsitwatch your boyfriend gave him, turning it over in his hands to inspect the fine details..

"yep!" leo nods, squeezing your hand for reassurance.

"can you really make anything?" your little brother asked, eyes wide with awe and curiousity.

leo grinned enthusiastically, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "pretty much. wanna see?" your little brother nods eagerly.

he pulled a few random items from his pockets — a couple of screws, a piece of wire, and a small chunk of metal. in minutes, he had crafted a tiny bird that flapped its wings and chirped. your sibling’s eyes widened in amazement.

as the evening wore on, the tension leo had disappeared. by the time dessert came around, he was trading jokes with your dad and sharing stories with your mom like they’d known each other for years.

when it was time to leave, your parents pulled you aside.

"he’s a good one," your mother said softly, her eyes warm. "and he clearly cares about you."

your father nodded. "just make sure he knows we’re always watching," he added with a wink, his tone teasing but his meaning clear.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes playfully. "yeah, yeah, dad, got it."

you walked leo to the door, the night air cool against your skin. he turned to you, his expression a mix of relief and happiness.

"that wasn’t so bad," he admitted, pulling you into a hug.

you laughed, resting your head against his chest. "told you they’d love you."

leo kissed the top of your head. "thank you for believing in me."

you smiled up at him. "always."

— thank you for placing your order, and i hoped you enjoyed your meal! kisses from jvpiterzs <3 — cafe guest list﹔n/a

[miffmuff]

Rob and Gumball's relationship is so funny Rob is genuinely going through a Truman Show-esque nightmare and Gumball just thinks he's larping the whole time. Like Darwin and Gumball even try to be his minions at one point and Gumball gets genuinely horrified and confused when rob actually tries to hurt him. They just think he's just role-playing for fun while he's going through the horrors I'm sickkkk.

THE TRUMAN SHOW MENTIONED!!!

Yeah when Gumball and Darwin suggest being a villain it was for shits and giggles, I don't think they fully grasped that they're giving this depressed amnesiac kid who was desperate enough to live in their basement and has no purpose in life, a "purpose" to fill. And he'll take anything he can get.

Although I don't blame them for thinking it's just harmless roleplay. I mean, Rob gave zero context for his backstory in the nobody. Yeah it makes sense to us cuz we see a flashback, but all he says outloud is "I was one of the worlds mistakes, but you only cared about Molly. You saved her and left me there to rot, but I clung to life" like they don't have knowledge of the void, or saving Molly, what does that even mean. They probably think he's just really good at back stories on the spot.

I do feel bad for Rob, mf just found out their worlds existence is made to entertain some audience, and he's a background character in it. And although it's wrong to pin all of that on the main character aka Gumball I get where he's coming from. Like this world that's wronged you so much is centered around this one guy, and it trashed you because that guy found you kinda forgettable. It really does matter what other people think of you in this universe.

Rob's got all this existential dread and to top it all off he has to deal with it alone. Which is a bit upsetting, also considering he's only 13. He doesn't have much of a support system, villainy is kinda all he has going for him. Without it there's no reason to be in the show aka exist. Going off that interaction in "The Pony", Pre void Rob seems like a nice guy, he's extraverted and friendly. And now he's been shoved into a box labeled evil and has to act on that or else bad things might happen.

My hc is that he won't actually be sent into the void again if he didn't act villainous or whatever he'd just kinda exist off screen. Cuz Molly wasn't sent back and she still remained the same. But it's the fear that he might that drives him, also it's his only purpose in life soo what are you gonna do.

Gumball on the other hand is like hell yeah I have a nemesis this is so awesome!!! It's like being frenemies, like nooo please don't try to kill me but also I'm free next Saturday wanna try again then?

In the disaster is when he realized just how deep Rob's hatred for him ran. Like yeesh dude don't you think getting someones parents divorced and breaking up their relationship is a bit harsh.

But then he forgets it all so we're back to square one.

[moeswriting]

delicate | d.b.

Pairing: dieter bravo x f!interviewer!reader, social media and interview transcripts

summary: Your internet show “A Little to the Right” is popular enough that you’ve been invited to interview a red carpet. What happens when Dieter Bravo shows up?

Warnings: mostly dialogue if you’re into that (because i needed a break from writing action; i am a dialogue whore); any pictures i use are for inspiration purposes only and do not reflect the reader’s appearance at all; takes place after the events of The Bubble; i had way too much fun making up dieter bravo fandom usernames; talking about Grey’s Anatomy including a spoiler for season 11 (dear god, that show is ridiculously long)

word count: 2.7k

a/n: this is lightly based on andrew and amelia having the most insane chemistry i’ve ever seen. like literally wtf is going on with those two? (/pos) not sure if i’ll ever do this again, but it was a fun way to tell a story that i’ve never done before. this is all just for shits and giggles and to slightly make fun of fandom because i’ve participated in it for most of my life and i think we all have humiliation kinks.

dieter bravo masterlist | masterlist of all masterlists🌼

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Transcript of the first interview:

Y - “Dieter Bravo!”

D - “Hello gorgeous, what’s your name?”

You introduce yourself to him with a shy grin.

D - “Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

It should be noted that at this point you are already flustered.

Y - “Oh, thank you!”

D - “You’re welcome, pretty girl.”

You brush him off with a professional smile.

Y - “So, how’s it feel to win Best Actor tonight?”

D - “It feels like the best high of my life.”

Y - “Oh, really?”

You have a smirk on your face. Everyone knows Dieter Bravo’s reputation. He rolls his eyes playfully.

D - “I’ll tell you if that’s still how I feel tomorrow after the after-party.”

Y - “Okay, you let me know.”

D - “I will, I will.”

There’s a moment of quiet where you both look each other up and down. You shake it off pretty quickly though.

Y - “So, you worked on this movie for quite a while if I’m not mistaken?”

D - “Too long, but hey, y’know what?”

Y - “What?”

D - “It all worked out, because now I get to stand here next to a beautiful woman.”

You fan yourself with a hand.

Y - *slightly sarcastically* “Oh Dieter, you’re gonna make me blush.”

D - “That’s the goal, darlin’.”

You seem to notice something off screen.

Y - “Oh, I think it’s time for you to switch.”

Dieter pulls his lips down into a dramatized frown.

D - “But I don’t wanna.”

Y - “Unfortunately, that’s the rules.”

D - “Eh, rules are stupid.”

You give him a big smile, not sarcastic or condescending, a genuine smile.

Y - “Well, you’re gonna get me in trouble, Dieter.”

D - “Oh, we wouldn’t want that.”

You shake your head.

Y - “No, we wouldn’t.”

D - “Next time, pretty girl!”

He hands you his microphone and starts to walk away. You turn over your shoulder and yell back at him.

Y - “You wish, Bravo!”

The viewer can hear Dieter’s muffled hyena-laugh as he walks away.

Comments:

dieterydoo is it just me or is the chemistry insane?

dbscontroversiallyyounggf no one talk to me

bravocanhitthis him calling her pretty girl is CRAZY for it being the first time they’ve ever met

moeswriting oh this is going to be my roman empire i fear

rightytightyleftyloosey i have never seen her go this off-track with someone before. he had her so flustered lol

daddyissuesoops THIS WAS TOO SHORT I NEED MORE

↳ alittletotheright that’s what she said 

(note: This is the only comment on this video that you responded to, nor do you bring up Dieter again after this until you see him again three months later.)

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Transcript of the second interview:

Dieter approaches you from behind you, where you can’t see him. He has a very large grin on his face.

D - “Oh my god, it’s my pretty girl!”

You turn to look at him with an equally large grin, like you’d been waiting for him.

Y - “Your pretty girl?”

D - “Yeah, sweetheart. My pretty girl.”

Y - “This is– what?– the second time we’ve ever talked to each other?”

D - “What can I say, baby? When you know, you know.”

Y - “Oh, you know, do you?”

D - “Yup. Can’t deny the tension we’ve got goin’ on. Everybody can see it.”

You willfully ignore him by changing the subject.

Y - “So, you’re up for Best Supporting Actor tonight, right?”

D - “Yes, I am. Got some good competitors, but I have high hopes.”

Y - *in a stage whisper* “Don’t tell anybody, but I’m rooting for you.”

D - *in a stage whisper* “I would never betray you by telling everyone just how obsessed you are with me, but I think they all already know.”

Y - “I’m not obsessed with you. I just think that you’re a good actor.”

D - “Okay, pretty girl, you keep telling yourself that.”

You jokingly go to snatch his microphone out of his hand with a giggle, but he dodges out of the way with a “HA!” He runs slightly away from you, but still in the camera’s line of sight.

D - *gasps* What are you doing?”

Y - *yelling over the cacophony* “Taking away your ability to speak to me.”

D - *yelling over the cacophony* “I don’t need a microphone to speak to you.”

Y - *yelling over the cacophony* “You do on a red carpet, Dieter.”

He walks back over to you and screws his face up like he’s about to cry, but it’s obvious he’s just being dramatic.

D - *pretend sobbing* “She hates me.”

Y - “Oh, I do not.”

D - *pretend sobbing* “Audience, she hates me. I thought she loved me.”

Y - “Well, I don’t love you either.”

Dieter’s mouth drops into an O and he makes a dramatic show of pretending to stab himself in the chest.

D - “I’ve been stabbed! A direct hit to the heart and the ego!”

You stare the camera dead in the lens like you’re on The Office.

Y - “This has been me interviewing Dieter Bravo. He’s going to give me his microphone and he’s going to walk away now.”

D - “AH!” *pretends to stab himself again*

You hold a hand out for the microphone and he reluctantly drops it in your hand.

Y - “Goodbye, Dieter.”

Now it’s Dieter staring down the lens of the camera. He leans down to talk into your microphone that you still have propped up to your lips.

D - “Never trust a woman with your heart. She’ll stomp it to pieces.”

You push him away from your microphone with a hand pressed to the side of his head and a big goofy grin stretching your cheeks.

Y - *through a barely-contained giggle* “Goodbye, Dieter.”

This interaction can barely be heard as Dieter walks away.

D - “Next time, pretty girl.”

Y - “You wish, Bravo.”

Comments:

youwishbravo i need 8 to 10 business days to recover from this

rightytightyleftyloosey i’m going to stick them in a room until they kiss

↳ dbscontroversiallyyounggf knowing dieter, that would take approximately one second

alittletotheleftbravo you know she comes prepared with actual questions to ask dieter and he doesn’t even give her the chance to pick up the notecard

↳ imalittletothewacky which sucks because her questions usually are actually kinda fun ↳ alittletotheleftbravo but you can’t deny that this is a cute interaction ↳ imalittletothewacky oh no one can deny that, i just wonder what she would ask him given the chance ↳ alittletotheright fun fact: i do, in fact, have many questions prepared to ask dieter and he does, in fact, never give me the chance to ask them. maybe someday.

moeswriting get dieter bravo on a little to the right RIGHT NOW

bravodieter i swear i’m not usually a crybaby, but this woman just does things to me

↳ alittletotheright oh, don’t deny being a crybaby, emotionally available men are hot ↳ bravocanhitthis EXCUSE ME?????

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Transcript of the interview:

Y - “Hello.”

D - “Hi.”

Pause. Heavy staring ensues.

D - “You’re really gonna just sit there and stare at me. Isn’t it like your whole job to talk to me?”

Y - “Yes. It is.”

D - “Then say something, weirdo.”

Y - “No. You say something.”

D - “Okay, fine, I will say something!”

Y - “Okay, then say something!”

Pause. Dieter points accusingly at you.

D - “I’ve been begging her to date me.”

Y - “Yes, you have and it’s mildly disturbing.”

D - “Wha– Me!? Mildly disturbing?!”

Y - “Yes, Dieter, you. Mildly disturbing.”

D - “That’s rude. I should just leave.”

Y - “Are you going to?”

Pause. Dieter gives you an unserious scowl.

D - “No. Obviously not.”

Y - “Good for you.”

D - “Ask your questions.”

Y - “Hm.”

D - “Don’t ‘hm’ me. Ask your questions.”

Y - “What’s your favorite thing to hate-watch?”

D - “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Y - “Seriously?”

D - “Seriously.”

Y - “That show is good.”

D - “No. It used to be good.”

Y - “Oh? You wanna elaborate?”

D - “As soon as Derek dies, it’s unwatchable.”

Y - “Spoilers!”

D - “Oh my god, it’s been almost ten years since that episode came out.”

Y - “Still!”

D - “Get over yourself, babe.”

It should be noted at this point that you won’t stop giggling, even though arguably Dieter isn’t saying anything funny.

Y - “Why do you still watch it?”

D - “Because it’s nice to know that my life could be a lot worse.”

Y - “That’s horribly morbid.”

D - “I also just like the drama of it all.”

Y - “Well, of course. You’re you.”

D - “Well, obviously.”

Y - “Who’s your favorite character?”

D - “Derek or Meredith.”

Y - *sarcastically* “Woah, that’s a really controversial choice. I can’t believe you just said that.”

D - “Hey! I like Meredith’s dark and twisty and I like Derek ‘cause he’s hot. I thought this was a judgment-free zone.”

Y - “Who the fuck said that?”

D - “Well, no one, I guess I just assumed.”

Y - “Well, you know what they said about assuming.”

D - *sarcastically* “Haha, very funny.”

All you do is flash a large grin at him in response.

D - “Well, who’s your favorite character?!”

Y - “Christina.”

D - “Now, I wouldn’t really call that very original either.”

Y - “I didn’t say it was original. I’m just stating the fact that Christina Yang is the best Grey’s character.”

D - “Oh, whatever.”

Y - “Well, who’s your least favorite character?”

D - “Sloan. No question.”

Y - “Well, that’s horribly ironic.”

D - “How so?”

Y - “Are you– are you being serious?”

D - “Yes?”

Y - “If I picked one Grey’s Anatomy character that you were most like, I would say Mark Sloan.”

D - *gasps* “No fucking way. Now, that’s just mean.”

You put your hands up in defense.

Y - “Sorry, sweetie. Face the facts. You are a Mark-Sloan-man-whore.”

Dieter doesn’t respond. He looks you up and down slowly.

D - “You’re ridiculously attractive, did you know that?”

Y - “Did you know that you’re a pain in my ass?”

D - “Yes. I did.”

Y - “If I made you sing karaoke right now, what song would you sing?”

D - “None. I’d burst your eardrums, baby. I can’t sing for shit.”

Y - “Okayyyy, but if you could sing, what would it be?”

Pause. Dieter is pretending to think dramatically with a finger tapping his lips.

D - “Blank Space.”

Y - “Good choice.” D - “Thank you. And what about you?”

Y - “Hmm. Depends on my mood.”

D - “Okay, what song would you sing based on your mood right this very second?”

Y - “Hmmm. You & I by One Direction.”

D - “You’re in a love song kind of mood?”

Y - “No. I just like One Direction.”

Dieter has a very large smirk on his face.

D - “Mhm. Everybody does.”

You have an equally large smirk on your face.

Y - “Bravo.”

D - “Yes?”

Y - “Stop looking at me like that.”

D - “Like what, baby?”

Y - “Like you’re gonna jump my bones.”

D - “And would that be a bad thing?”

Y - “I mean, there are cameras filming us, so probably.”

D - “Don’t wanna make a porno with me?”

You are shifting in your seat, with your hands wringing together on the desk.

Y - “Not particularly.”

D - “Are you sure about that?”

Y - “Yes, I am.”

D - “Okay, pretty girl.”

Y - “Okay.”

D - “Ask me another question.”

Y - “Okay.”

You shift around in your seat again and click your nails on the desk.

Y - “Give me a random fact about anything.”

D - “Hm.”

Dieter looks up as he thinks.

D - “Did you know there’s a room full of penises in the Vatican?”

You raise your eyebrows in question.

Y - “Excuse me?”

D - “The Vatican had a whole campaign in 1563 where they chopped off the penises of statues from the Romans and Greeks because they thought nudity was immoral. But! Because they thought the statues were so beautiful, they couldn’t get themselves to get rid of the penises so they stuffed the bronze and marble dicks in a bunch of vases and stuffed them in a room.”

Y - “Is that true?”

D - “That’s the rumor.”

Y - “Of course, the first fun fact you can think of is about penises.”

D - “It’s a fact about the destruction of art committed by the Catholic Church that also just happens to be about penises.”

Y - “I petition we stop talking about penises, Dieter.”

He holds his hands up like he’s being held at gunpoint.

D - “Whatever you want.”

Y - “That is what I want.”

D - “Am I allowed to ask you questions?”

Y - “Um, I guess. But I highly doubt it would make the cut, so it’d be kind of a waste of time.”

D - “Not to me. Not if I get to learn about you.”

You pause, obviously flustered.

Y - “Go ahead.”

D - “What’s your ideal first date?”

You glare at him.

D - “You said I could ask a question!”

Y - “I feel like it was implied that it shouldn’t be a question like that.”

D - “Okay, what kind of question did you want?”

Y - “I don’t know, like something about my life. You’re the one who wanted to ask me a question!”

D - “And how was my first question not about your life?”

Y - “Not about my love life!”

D - “Okay, okay. Umm, give me one reason you won’t date me.”

Y - “That’s about my love life.”

D - “Oh, do you consider me to be a part of your love life?”

This transcript writer is pretty sure that if looks could kill, Dieter would be dead by now.

Y - “I won’t date you because I don’t need drama in my life.”

D - “You interview celebrities for a living. You are surrounded by drama. Give me a real reason.”

Y - “Because I don’t want to.”

D - “Why not?”

Y - “Because I like you too much.”

D - “Huh.”

Y - “I don’t want you to disappoint me.”

D - “And how would I do that?”

Y - “By being an ass.”

D - “What if I promised not to be an ass?”

Y - “Are you even capable of that?”

D - “I could be, especially for you.”

Pause. You just stare at Dieter with a dopey smile on your face.

Y - “What’s the most normal, every-day, human thing that you’ve never done?”

D - *in a sing-songy voice* “Changing the subject…”

Y - *in a sing-songy voice* “Shut up and answer the question.”

Dieter takes a second to think before he gives you his answer.

D - “I’ve never done the dishes.”

Y - “What?!”

D - “Not once in my whole life.”

Y - “How?”

D - “I’m a nepobaby, pretty girl.”

Y - “I don’t know how that’s possible.”

D - “It’s very possible.”

Y - “Okay, well now I feel morally obligated to make you learn how to do the dishes.”

D - “You wanna teach me?”

Y - “I think I have to.”

D - “I have a proposal.”

Y - “Oh?”

D - “Let me make you dinner and then you can teach me how to do the dishes.”

Y - “Are you serious?”

D - “Extremely.”

There’s a long pause where Dieter grins at you while you stare at him with a small smile.

Y - “Okay.”

Dieter is gobsmacked.

D - “What?”

Y - “I said ‘okay’.”

D - “Wh- why?”

Y - “Well, someone has to make you do the dishes, Mr. Nepobaby.”

Dieter stares at you with a disbelieving smile.

D - “Okay.”

Y - “Okay.”

The interview ends with a photo of Dieter doing the dishes with a dramatic frown on his face in your tiny kitchen, pink plastic gloves on and an apron that says “Kiss My Ass” tied around his waist.

Comments:

bravocanhitthis literally what the fuck

bravocanhitthis my dreams have come true

daddyissuesoops her calling dieter a manwhore… real

dbscontroversiallyyounggf why am i blushing? i wasn’t even a part of this conversation

dietersvaticanpeens i don’t think we’re acknowledging dieter’s fun fact enough… like what do you mean there’s a room full of penis vases in the vatican?

alittletotheleftbravo she is a much stronger person than i am, i would’ve jumped across the table as soon as he suggested making a porno

moeswriting i have never rooted for a celebrity couple more in my whole life

rightytightyleftyloosey “because i like you too much” excuse me??? why aren’t more people talking about this???

bravodieter next time, pretty girl

↳ alittletotheright you wish, bravo ↳ dieterydoo get a room???

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