#that you had a miscarriage with your ex | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherrygirlfriend · 1 month ago

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touchy subject III pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: seeing your ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: angst and comfort. fluff. mentions of miscarriage/stillbirth and DUI. wc: 2.7k part 3 and the last part of touchy subject! click here for part 1, click here for part 2 i really liked writing for them and honestly i'm considering occasionally writing blurbs for them and what their relationship would shape into, lmk if you'd be interested!!

seeing you in front of that store felt like it might've killed rafe. the first face he fell in love with, the woman who'd left him with nothing but scars and an engagement ring. somehow, he still managed to stay alive.

but hearing you say his name in the soft voice he hadn't heard in over four years, the same one that you used to tell him you loved him every single night before your body went slack in his arms, that might have been the final blow.

"what are you doing here?" you managed to mutter, your hand instinctively going to your locket, squeezing it in your hand, and the gesture didn't go unnoticed by rafe.

"what's this?" rafe asked as the two of you laid in bed, his finger tracing the patterns on the heart-shaped locket resting on your chest, the one you'd worn around your neck for as long as he'd known you.

"this?" you asked, opening the locket, displaying two pictures; one of them was of you when you were a little girl, standing between your parents with a wide, toothy grin on your face, and the other was a picture of you and rafe, taken at midsummers. "i got this from my mom. it's a family heirloom of sorts. when she's born," you looked down at your stomach, "we've gotta get a picture taken of us three so i can put it here."

he let out a small chuckle, "i'm honored that you want me in your heart."

"i think you're always going to be in my heart," you rolled your eyes, "whether i want it or not."

"i'm here to see you. i thought that'd be obvious." rafe said without an ounce of emotion in his voice, the sound causing a shiver to run down your spine. grieving your daughter on what would've been her fifth birthday wasn't a moment you exactly wanted your ex to witness, but this was still rafe. the man you loved for so long, the only man you ever loved, the one you were going to marry, and this was still the house that was supposed to be your home.

so you stepped aside, pulling your cardigan closed as a way to close yourself off from the man as you walked further into the house, not daring yourself to look back at him, fearing the urge that still remained in your chest to just pull him close to you and be in his arms.

you heard the door close, pressing your eyes shut as you stood in front of the fireplace, your arms crossed in front of your chest as if defending yourself, the man's footsteps echoing in the room, "it's cold in here."

"the radiator's broken."

"can you just, at least look at me, or something?"

"do i have to?" you chuckled humorlessly, and when you felt his hand on your shoulder, it felt like the room got ten degrees colder, the man slowly turning you around to face him, and when you refused to look up at him, focusing on the baby blue sweater he was wearing, he brought his hand to your chin, gently lifting it up, just like he did every time he was about to kiss you.

"we need to talk."

if someone was to ask you what would be the most uncomfortable situation you had ever been in, this would be among the top 3, right after you got the 'birds and the bees' talk and the time you said your goodbyes to the same man now sitting beside you, the space between you two big enough to fit another person.

"why did you come back?" rafe asks, without even sparing you a glance. you decide to do the same, your gaze staying on the fire crackling in front of you.

"i don't know. a part of me thinks it's because i missed home."

"and the other part?"

missed us. missed her. "missed my mom, i guess."

your mother had driven you home from the hospital, insisting that she'd stay with you for the next few days; you still hadn't seen rafe. you couldn't face him, couldn't face the guilt you carried around for being the reason your daughter would be coming home in an urn.

she'd gone to the store for groceries, leaving you to sit on the couch you and rafe had picked out, staring at the engagement picture that hung above the fireplace.

you didn't know how it started, how every single vase ended up as nothing but shards of glass on the floor, how the coffee table had ended up as planks of wood, how your fists were bruised from beating them against the walls, your knees bloody from when you'd collapsed on the ground amongst all the glass.

"do you know what day it is?" rafe asked with a weak voice, and you could hear him try to swallow down the emotion crawling up his throat.

his question made you want to let out a small, humorless laugh. you don't know how you could ever forget. "of course." the day i killed her.

rafe stood up, running his hand over his chin before trailing over the short strands of hair on his head, "why did you do it?" he looked to you. "why did you leave?"

"i had no reason to stay." you say emotionlessly, your fingers intertwined as you kept your eyes on them as if you were praying.

"you had me. you would've had me if you just let me be there."

"rafe, i killed our daughter."

"what-"

"i'm the reason our daughter isn't here. i'm the reason she doesn't exist. i'm the reason that today isn't only her fifth birthday, but also the fifth anniversary of her death."

rafe kneeled down in front of you, his hands cupping your cheeks, not caring if it made you uncomfortable, or that this was the first time he'd properly touched you in over four years, the only thing that mattered to him was that you listened.

"you did not kill our daughter."

"i did."

"no." he scoffed, "you aren't the reason she's dead. the reason is the drunken asshole who drove at you. you loved her with your entire being, with everything you had, even before she was born. you would've been the most amazing mother in the world. don't you dare blame yourself for something you had zero control over."

"i shouldn't have driven in that weather. i knew it was gonna be raining, that the roads would be slippery-"

"no." rafe said sternly, "look at me."

your eyes moved to look into rafe's steel-blue ones, shimmering with unshed tears, his jaw clenched, and only then did you realize that he was cupping your face in his hands, his touch somehow managing to make you feel warm even in the cold apartment.

"i won't have you blame yourself for something you had no fuckin' control over. evelyn was so wanted, by both of us. she would've been so loved. we would've done anything to protect her, and to keep her safe. if any fucker even thought about hurting her, i would've made sure they'd regret ever being born. but you are not to blame for her not being here."

rafe's hands moved from your cheeks to your hands, the man instead taking your clenched fists into his, letting out a small sniffle, and when he pressed his eyes closed and let out a sigh, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"yeah, you could've not driven in the rain. but i should've been the one to drive you to your mom's, you were eight months along, an insane man would make you drive yourself, or i should've made sure you got home before it was dark, or i should've picked you up myself. there are so many things we could've done differently, but that doesn't mean that either of us is to blame for it."

"i spent so long blaming myself for what happened, but not even for a moment did i blame you. you did everything to keep her safe, and i know it, and i'm sure that she knows it too. you loved her more than anything, and i won't let some drunk driving idiot make you feel like you did anything wrong."

slowly, you opened your fists, half-moon prints on the palms on your hands caused by your nails, and without even realizing, tears had been rolling down your eyes the entire time that rafe had been speaking, the man standing up and pressing a kiss on your forehead that felt like it burnt and would leave a mark that'd be there forever, before he settled down next to you.

a strand of hair was stuck on your cheek, almost glued on there by the tears you shed, the blonde man tugging it behind your ear, his eyes still on you, his hands still cupping yours.

"i don't blame you for what happened, nor do i blame you for pushing me away. but i wish you would've let me in, to be there for you, instead of leaving. so we could've grieved her together."

"i think we should break up, rafe."

"what?" rafe turned to look at you; this wasn't what he had been expecting to hear after two months of silence, "if this is about the baby-"

"i can't do it anymore." you closed your eyes, letting a tear run down your cheek, "i need to leave. start over."

you turned your head to look at him, his words feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and even though you tried to find it, there was nothing in his eyes that said that he was lying.

"you don't blame me for any of it?"

your voice was weak and feeble, as if a part of you was expecting him to tell you that he did, but when he pulled you into his embrace, he told you the truth in the best way he knew how to: without saying a single word.

you didn't know how long you had been in rafe's arms; it felt like hours, while also feeling like the moment had lasted mere seconds, like you two lived in your own bubble. it felt like the last four years hadn't happened, like you had never left.

but when he pulled away from the embrace and looked down at his watch, letting out a sigh, you knew what was coming. the bubble burst.

"i should probably get going." rafe let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose before starting to get up off the couch, stretching his long limbs.

"yeah, yeah." you said softly, clearing your throat, trying to act like nothing had happened, like you hadn't gone through every memory you shared while he was just holding you to comfort you, "your girlfriend's probably waiting for you."

rafe stopped in his tracks, turning to look down at you, "girlfriend?"

"shit," you chuckle softly, fidgeting with your hands and chewing on your lower lip, "i guess she's your fiancée, now."

he sat down on the couch next to you while you simply avoided his gaze, not wanting him to read everything you were feeling like he so often seemed to do, but your attempt was unsuccessful, the man bringing his hand to your chin and gently turning your head so you were forced to look at him, his brows slightly furrowed while he looked at you pointedly.

"what girlfriend, or fiancée?"

you didn't know if rafe was acting stupid, or if he was genuinely confused, but you could still remember the woman with him at the jewelry store, the woman who had managed to make him smile, whose back rafe placed his hand on.

"you know," you clear your throat, taking his hand off your chin and turning your head away from him, not wanting him to see the tears brimming in your eyes as you thought about him waiting at the aisle for another woman, "the woman at the jewelry store."

rafe let out a soft laugh, and when you turned your head, facing him, he was nearly keeling over in laughter, his head in his hands.

"what?"

"that-" rafe said inbetween laughs, "that wasn't my girlfriend."

"what?" you mumbled softly, your brows furrowing, "what do you mean, rafe?"

"sorry-" he continued laughing for a while only to be stopped by a soft smack you delivered to his shoulder, before the man took a deep breath, looking at you with a small smile gracing his lips, a sight that still got your heart to flutter, "that wasn't my girlfriend, or my fiancée."

"then... who was she?"

"that was," rafe let out another chuckle as if you had said something foolish, taking one of your hands in his and intertwining your fingers, "wheezie's girlfriend."

you tried processing the words that had left his lips, but no matter what, they didn't seem to make since. "why were you in a jewelry store together? wheezie's only like-"

"wheezie's nineteen." rafe shook his head, "her girlfriend, lucy, asked me to help her pick out a ring. sarah was supposed to go with her, but she had some preschool stuff to deal with relating to jack, so i got stuck with that duty…"

"isn't nineteen a bit... young?"

"it is. but you remember how young we were when we got engaged? or sarah?" a fond smile took over rafe's lips as he turned to look at the fire that was slowly burning out, letting the next words out in a hushed tone. "guess it runs in the family."

"guess so." you say, biting down on your lip, turning to look at the fire with him, your cheeks warm as you felt like an idiot for your assumption.

"i still haven't moved on." rafe said, letting out a breath, "i don't know if i can. i don't think i even want to." you turned to look back at one another at the same time, both of you seeing the same melancholy in the other one's eyes, "there's no one i would ever want to be with other than you."

you took a deep breath, his words ringing through your head as you looked at him, a damp trail running down his cheek was still visible from the tears he had shed, and you took a deep breath, making a decision that you knew would impact the rest of your life.

"me neither, rafe."

you brought your hand to his cheek and felt the tear he had shed under your touch, pulling his face to meet yours until your lips clashed, feeling the exact same that it did four years ago, making you wonder how you ever let it go.

SIX MONTHS LATER...

you laid on a blanket in the middle of a field of sunflowers, your arms crossed behind your head and your eyes pressed closed, letting the sun beam down your face, warming you up as your bare feet were being tickled by blades of grass.

your daydreaming was interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and you opened one of your eyes to see rafe stumble through the long flowers into the small clearing you'd found, a small chuckle leaving your lips.

"don't laugh at me." he scolded, shaking his head as he landed on the blanket next to you, letting out a soft grunt.

"why not?" you asked, sticking your tongue out at him, your boyfriend gasping in feigned offence, about to quip back at you, only to be stopped by the small, chaste peck you pressed on his lips, even the small display of affection managing to leave him speechless.

as he settled down next to you, you smiled while looking up at the sky, white clouds covering a part of the beautiful icy blue nothingness that was so much like rafe's eyes, your thoughts on her. you took rafe's hand in yours, keeping your eyes trained up while you let yourselves just exist together.

"you're always going to be in my heart, evelyn louise cameron." you said softly as you traced the patterns on your locket, rafe turning his head to look at you, a somber expression on his face as he pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"yeah, she will. and neither of us will ever forget her."

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rothpie · 1 month ago

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❝FIDELITY❞ |part9

MASTERLIST -`✮´- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank

Summary: Kook!Reader’s world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely person—JJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.

Warnings: mentioning miscarriage, blood, mentioning drug and alcohol use, daddy issues

Selly's note: First of all I'm sorry. I wrote this while my heart was broken. I learned my ex left the country. He was the first person I loved. LIKE COME BACK???? We HAVE TO marry!!!!! Sorry for oversharing💗, and if there is a mistake. I didn't re-read this. Love y'all.💗💗

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Your hands trembled. Your whole body felt numb, yet the shaking tethered you to reality. There was a heavy weight on your chest, as though even breathing had become an uphill battle. A knot in your throat tightened with every passing second, making even the simple act of swallowing painful. You didn’t know what to do. The chaos of the moment was tearing your mind into pieces, your thoughts tangling into a knot so thick you couldn’t unravel it.

You hadn’t done anything unusual. The day had started like any other. You made yourself some herbal tea, watched TV, read a book about baby development. You cleaned the house a little, then opened the packages that had arrived—items for your daughter’s room.

Alone.

Since the moment you arrived in this town, you’d always felt alone, but this was different. This was like falling into a deep, endless chasm, where there was nothing to grasp, no hand to reach for. You could feel your hands flailing in the void, desperately searching, yet finding nothing.

The warm, sticky sensation spreading down your legs sent a jolt of panic through you. Your eyes flicked downward involuntarily, but you didn’t want to look. Yet it felt as if everything around you was betraying you, even the streetlamp outside, which cast its harsh glow on the spreading pool on the floor. You didn’t want to see it. You feared that seeing it would confirm your worst fears. Your eyes filled with tears, but you couldn’t cry. You wouldn’t cry. Would tears ease the crushing weight of this fear? You doubted it.

You reached for your phone, but even your fingers trembled. Touching the screen, dialing a number, selecting a name—it all felt like an impossible task. The chaos in your mind blurred your thoughts. Everything was moving too fast and too slow all at once. Seconds stretched into eternities, yet time pressed on, dragging you deeper into helplessness.

You hadn’t wanted this. You had left the island just for this pregnancy, determined to build a life here. And now, was it all going to be taken from you? After all the effort to adjust, after everything?

You glanced around. The silence of the room pressed down on you like a weight. It felt as if the entire world had pulled away, leaving you stranded. You knew there were people—so many people—but none of them were close, not really. Placing your hands on your belly, you clung to the small hope that the motion could somehow quiet the storm of fear inside you. But it didn’t work.

The voices of fear echoed in your mind: What if I’m too late? What if it’s over? What if this loneliness never ends? Each scenario was scarier than the last. You closed your eyes, but even the darkness offered no solace. The images in your head only fanned the flames of your terror.

When you finally held the phone in your hand, you knew you had to choose someone to call. Should it be your mom? Or your dad? Maybe… someone else? But what if they couldn’t come? That thought pushed you deeper into despair. It suddenly felt as if the entire world had turned its back on you, as if every person was out of reach. The weight of isolation was crushing.

Your hands were cold and clammy. As your fingers hovered over the screen, trying to pick a name, you felt frozen. You couldn’t move them. It was as though your brain had redirected all its attention to the fluid trickling down your legs and the stabbing pain in your abdomen. Panic consumed you, leaving you paralyzed and unsure of what to do.

A quiet voice in your mind whispered, Everything will be okay. But it was impossible to believe. That voice was so faint, so far away, drowned out by the louder, darker thoughts. Reality felt so distant that even hope seemed like a luxury you couldn’t afford. While your mind scrambled for answers, your body refused to move.

You tightened your grip on your belly, as though holding on harder could anchor you to something, anything. Alone in that dark, silent room, you had never felt smaller. The outside world was shut off from you, leaving only your fears, your thoughts, and the suffocating weight of solitude.

Since moving to this town, you’d thought a lot about loneliness. But now, you truly understood its meaning. Loneliness wasn’t just sitting in silence. It wasn’t merely being by yourself. Loneliness was not having anyone to reach when you needed them most. It was feeling as though your voice couldn’t reach anyone, as though you were invisible.

The trembling didn’t stop. Your eyes darted around, trying to focus on something, anything, but everything was blurry—not because you couldn’t see, but because you couldn’t concentrate. Nothing made sense in that moment.

You searched for a way out. But maybe the only thing you could do was wait. That thought terrified you even more. Waiting... it made you feel so helpless, so powerless. But what else could you do?

Tears welled up again as you struggled to breathe. But each breath felt heavier, each inhale pulling the loneliness deeper into your chest. That loneliness, like a black hole, seemed ready to devour you.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at the pool of liquid spreading on the floor. You couldn’t face it. If you didn’t look, maybe it would stay a bad dream. Maybe this was just paranoia playing tricks on your mind.

Even though you could feel the warm liquid dripping down your legs, you clung to the hope that you’d wake up. That you’d open your eyes in bed and thank God it was just a nightmare.

You wanted to wake up. You didn’t want to believe this was real. Not after everything you had done to adjust to this new life. Not after leaving the island to start fresh.

You had left everything behind. Everyone.

For a life with your baby.

You had wanted this baby. Even with your initial doubts, you had wanted it. And for what? To have it taken from you?

Your eyes shut tight as your hand clenched the phone and your other hand pressed harder against your belly. You wished the pain would stop, that the ache—so reminiscent of a menstrual cramp—would just go away.

Only days ago, you’d noticed your belly start to show, a tiny swell that made you smile. You had cradled it with your hands, talked to it, even though you didn’t care if it could hear. You wanted it to know you were there. Just a few days ago, you’d been excited about buying clothes for it.

For this?

For it to be taken away?

When you finally opened your eyes, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock. You wanted to block it out. You wanted the sensation in your legs to disappear. For a moment, you convinced yourself it was all in your head. But the warm trickle that followed was a harsh slap of reality.

Your trembling eyes drifted downward. The sight of the blood pooled on the floor knocked the breath out of you. Your heart skipped, as if an elephant had perched on your chest. Your legs gave way. Falling to the floor hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain in your chest.

You had never seen them. They’d only been with you for five months, but the thought of that bond breaking—of losing them—felt like your heart was being ripped out.

When you love something so deeply, does it always have to be taken away? Is that just the way life works? Had everything led to this moment?

Had you fought with your family, with Rafe, for this? Had you left your entire life behind, moved to this town, just to lose your baby?

Even your family had started to share your joy. They were thrilled for you, as ecstatic as you were. And now, for what? For this?

Were you supposed to mourn?

To learn a lesson, did you really have to fall this hard? You hated it. You didn’t want to learn any more lessons. Not if they hurt this much. If growth meant falling like this, you were ready to stay exactly the same—stagnant, unchanging, and safe.

The moment you felt a fragment of clarity, just enough to push panic aside, you called 911. You couldn’t afford to lose more time. It felt like your mind had snapped back into place, even if only temporarily.

But you had no idea what you were saying. Your words felt foreign, disjointed, even as you tried to describe what was happening. They assured you they’d come to your home. They told you not to hang up.

Then you realized—you needed to call your family. You needed them with you. Right now, you just wanted to be back in Outer Banks, in your own house, surrounded by the people who had always been there for you.

If you were there, you wouldn’t feel this crushing loneliness. They would be by your side.

You didn’t even know how many times you tried. Your fingers repeatedly dialed your mom’s number, then your dad’s, over and over again. Each time, you were met with the same recorded message: unreachable.

Still, you kept calling, clinging to that faint hope that someone, anyone, would answer. But each attempt ended the same way, the monotone voice echoing the same result.

And then, without thinking, your fingers moved on their own. They dialed his number. In that moment, you didn’t care about shame or pride. All that mattered was that you needed help. You needed Rafe. Even if the chance was slim, even if it was just a sliver of hope, you needed him to answer.

As the phone rang, your heart pounded so violently it felt like it would burst out of your chest. Each ring amplified the fragile hope blooming inside you. Your lips moved as if uttering a prayer: “Please pick up.” You needed someone—anyone—to be there, to tell you that everything was going to be okay. Tears streamed down your face as the call rang on, unanswered.

He wouldn’t ignore you, you told yourself. He wouldn’t turn you away. He’d come. You knew he would. He had to. You prayed he wasn’t still angry, that he didn’t hate you for not terminating the pregnancy.

When the call ended without an answer, you didn’t stop. Your trembling hands hit redial without hesitation. Shame and pride were irrelevant now. You needed him. If he wouldn’t come, you needed him to reach your family. You were utterly alone otherwise.

Alone. The word echoed like a hollow drumbeat in your chest.

For a moment, time seemed to stop. The racing of your heart, the chaotic swirl of your thoughts, even your tears—all stilled in the suffocating silence of your own helplessness. But you didn’t give up. You called again. And again. Your trembling fingers barely functioned, struggling to tap the screen. But you kept trying.

Fuck pride. You needed help. You needed someone by your side, someone to hold you, someone to tell you it wasn’t the end. Your lips quivered as you let out a stifled sob. “Please…” When the call went to voicemail yet again, your shoulders shook with the weight of another unanswered prayer.

Wasn’t this his baby too? Didn’t it matter to him? You hadn’t made this baby alone. Surely he would care. You didn’t need him to grieve with you. You just needed him here. And he would come. Rafe was a lot of things, but when it came down to it, he wouldn’t leave you stranded.

Not you.

You had to believe that. You clung to that hope like a lifeline, begging for it to still be true.

Another sob tore through you, reverberating through the empty room. This time, it came from somewhere so deep inside that it left your chest heavy, crushed under the weight of despair. You prayed he’d answer.

You weren’t strong enough to endure this.

You didn’t want to do this alone. You fought to steady your trembling lips, desperate to string together the words you’d need to say if he picked up—when he picked up. But once again, the line went dead.

This time, it felt like a door slamming in your face. But it wasn’t just rejection—it was the crumbling of a trust you hadn’t even realized you still held onto. Deep down, you had truly believed he would answer. That he’d help you. That he wouldn’t leave you to face this on your own.

As the silence deepened, your hands fell to the cold floor, sticky with blood. You didn’t even care. You felt like everything you wanted, everything you’d dreamed of, was slipping through your fingers. Did you not deserve happiness? Had you done something so wrong to deserve this?

You wanted to scream. To set the house on fire, to rip apart the tiny baby clothes you’d just bought.

You nearly buried your face in your hands, but the sight of blood on your fingers stopped you. Frantically, you wiped them on your nightgown, trying to erase it. You wanted it gone—needed it gone. You wanted to forget everything that had happened today.

The phone was still in your hand, your fingers gripping it like it held a flicker of hope. Rafe hadn’t answered. Your family hadn’t answered. Their silence only pushed you deeper into yourself. Your tears began to dry, replaced by a hollow ache gnawing at your insides.

After your final attempt, you let the screen go dark. The reflection of your tear-streaked face stared back at you from the blackened screen, ghostly and unfamiliar. Your lips still trembled with silent cries, your voice barely audible even to yourself.

Then, the phone buzzed. The unexpected vibration made you flinch. The screen lit up, and your heart stuttered before racing into overdrive. A message.

When you saw the name, a fraction of the emptiness lifted. JJ. His name sat there like it belonged, as if the chaos hadn’t touched it. You opened the message, holding your breath.

How’s it going with your new street animal buddies? Found yourself a soulmate yet?

It was stupid. Ridiculous. But somehow, in all its absurdity, that sarcastic tone cracked something open inside you. A tiny window of light broke through the storm.

And yet, the relief was fleeting. Looking at the message, then back at the blood pooling on the floor, your emotions surged in a tangle of anger, helplessness, and unrelenting fear.

You needed him. Right now. Without thinking, your trembling fingers scrolled back to his name.

The name on the screen made your eyes well up. JJ. So ordinary, so simple. Yet, at that moment, it felt like your only tether to life. He’d come. He would, wouldn’t he?

With trembling hands, you pressed the call button. As you held the phone to your ear, the silence was broken only by the erratic pounding of your heart. Each ring sent a jolt of panic through you—what if he didn’t answer? “Please…” you whispered, barely audible. “Please pick up…”

It felt like you were losing your mind. Was this real? Had he really sent that message?

“Hey, Princess. I noticed we’ve upped the calls lately. Can’t manage without me, huh—”

The distant sound of sirens reached your ears, and your lips quivered. Even JJ’s voice, with its usual cocky tone, felt like an anchor. Just hearing him talk, hearing that familiar teasing edge—it was everything. It made you feel as if you’d already done all you could.

“I need you here.”

The words came out shakily, and there was a pause on the other end of the line. One hand rested in your lap, the other gripping the phone, both stained with blood.

To be honest, you were terrified. Not just about what might happen but about losing the baby.

“What’s wrong?” His voice had lost its playful tone, replaced with a sharp seriousness. He was waiting for an answer, but you felt too drained, too scared, to put your fears into words. Saying the possibility of a miscarriage out loud felt impossible.

How did he always know? How could he tell when you needed him the most? Was he like this with everyone, or just you?

When he said your name, you tried to take a deep breath, but it came out broken and shallow. The sirens were getting closer. “I’m bleeding.” The weight of the words nearly crushed you as they left your lips, leaving you lightheaded—not from pain, but from the sheer gravity of it.

You were so used to him being there. The idea of him leaving, of him not being there, was unbearable. “I called everyone, but—”

“I’m on the way. Did you call 911? Listen, I’ll be there, okay? Don’t worry. I’ll get there as fast as I can. You’ll be fine. You’re going to be fine. I’ll meet you at the hospital. Okay? I need you to say something.” His words were quick, determined, unwavering.

You nodded instinctively, even though you knew he couldn’t see it. Even if this was your fate, you didn’t want to accept it.

“I’m scared.” A sob escaped your lips as the sirens grew louder. They were on your street.

“I’m coming. Everything’s going to be okay.”

—

Last night was ordinary. A night that fell short of expectations—not that Rafe knew what he was expecting anymore. He had become a ghost of himself, far from anything resembling pride.

Had he ever been proud of himself, really?

He couldn’t focus on the future or the present; he was stuck in the past.

His eyes had searched for you everywhere. There wasn’t a corner of the Outer Banks he hadn’t roamed. The beach, parties, the country club—he’d scoured them all, just to catch a glimpse of you.

He even shopped at the grocery store near your house, the one far from his own. Almost every day, he’d find himself there, grabbing a drink, some crackers, whatever he could justify, just to linger for a chance to see you.

He missed your presence. Your scent.

He missed the moments in bed with you—not the sex, but the times he held you in his arms, kissed you, and just existed in your warmth. He missed looking into your eyes, the overwhelming urge to tell you he loved you.

But Rafe was a coward. He couldn’t admit that to anyone, not even himself. And you? You already knew. You didn’t need to hear it from anyone.

He hadn’t told his father. He hadn’t told anyone—Topper, Kelce, Sarah, even Wheezie. Not that anyone else could really understand.

You were the only one who truly knew him. And he’d lost you. Because he was a coward.

He missed the sound of your voice. If he could go back, he’d want you to talk more in those old videos. He’d spend hours talking to you if he had the chance again.

He couldn’t adjust to your absence.

When he threw himself into alcohol, he didn’t think much about it. When had he ever truly sat down and thought anything through? All he knew was how to make impulsive decisions that wrecked his life.

He couldn’t stand Topper and Kelce’s phases of chasing random girls, calling them over, laughing at nothing. Rafe’s mind, body, and soul belonged to you. He couldn’t bring himself to touch or even look at anyone else.

Every time he closed his eyes, every time he tried to sleep, the only image in his head was your face.

He hadn’t touched another woman. Not that he tried. He knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t be you.

There was a time when he thrived on quick, meaningless flings. He hated attachments—blamed it on his childhood. He figured it was because he didn’t know what it meant to make love. He never let emotions into it. But with you, it was different.

It was intoxicating—better than anything drugs had ever made him feel. It was addictive.

He loved whispering “I love you” while he was with you. It made him feel like less of the mess he knew he was. But even then, he hadn’t said it enough—like the idiot he was.

You had been gone from his life for almost four months, and the void was unbearable. Not even when he’d tried to quit drugs had he craved their presence the way he craved yours.

It was like he was a teenager nursing his first heartbreak. And yet, somehow, this was the mildest punishment he thought he deserved for his cowardice.

He’d worked so hard to get Ward’s approval, to finally be seen by his father. Ward was noticing him now, for the first time. He could see Rafe’s potential, and Rafe knew it. For once, it wasn’t Sarah he was looking at—it was him.

For the first time, Ward saw Rafe accomplishing something for Cameron Development. For the first time, Rafe gave his father the impression that he was capable of more. After years of begging for attention, Rafe was finally getting it.

But it had cost him you.

He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his father’s approval. He couldn’t face that rejection again. Ward had finally placed a hand on his shoulder, and Rafe didn’t want to feel that hand pulled away.

He hadn’t wanted to lose you, either. That was never part of the plan. It just… happened. Too fast. And he’d been too scared.

Scared of seeing that disappointment in his father’s eyes again.

Everyone around him noticed his spiraling depression, even Topper and Kelce. Though he never opened up to them, they could tell something was wrong. If they noticed, then everyone else must’ve, too. Not that Rafe cared. Nobody dared bring it up to him anyway.

Under Topper and Kelce’s relentless pressure, he found himself at a party. Not to have fun. Not to let loose. But to see you. He spent the night searching for you, glancing around like you might walk in at any second.

He looked for your old friends, the ones he’d seen you with before. He hoped you’d be there, even though he knew it was unlikely. You were pregnant. You probably wouldn’t come. But the possibility, however slim, was enough to drag him there.

That same possibility kept him shopping near your place, day after day.

For the chance of you.

The more he didn’t see you, the more he drank, as if alcohol could drown out the ache. Nothing could fill the emptiness you left behind, but he still clung to his glass, hoping—maybe if he drank enough, he’d hallucinate you.

He didn’t know how much he drank. It didn’t even feel like a party. Topper and Kelce flirted and joked with girls, but Rafe didn’t bother looking their way. He just drank and searched.

You were the one who used to go to parties with him. You were his girl. And Rafe? He was yours. It wasn’t an open relationship; he wouldn’t have shared you with anyone.

You used to pull him onto the dance floor. He’d groan and complain at first, but you always got your way. And once he gave in, he didn’t hate it. Not when he was touching you. He loved every moment he could hold you.

Even now, he could hear your voice in his head, persuading him to dance. Him pretending to resist. You insisting, until he finally caved. What an idiot he’d been. He should’ve just said yes every time. Done anything you asked.

His regrets were endless. His self-loathing, boundless. For being such a coward. For being a failure, yet again.

You had believed in him, even when he didn’t believe in himself. Your faith in him had given him the courage to ask his father for opportunities, small as they were. And with you, he’d felt like he’d succeeded, just a little.

Now he hated himself for choosing his father’s approval over you—and the baby.

The thought of you moving on, raising a child without him, was unbearable. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you with your swollen belly, or playing with your child—his child. And the thought of not being there...

He hated himself for fearing his father more than losing you. For crawling for scraps of his father’s affection like some pathetic creature.

Which he was.

And now, for the rest of his life, he would hate this moment—and himself—for choosing so poorly.

Rafe thought he’d made it home thanks to Topper and Kelce. He vaguely remembered stumbling through the front door and collapsing into Wheezie’s arms. The idea that the tiny girl could hold him up was almost laughable. Somehow, he’d managed to make it to his room.

Wheezie had laid him down on his bed before leaving. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice something was wrong. She knew her brother too well. She hadn’t seen him this quiet, this withdrawn, in a long time.

You were always there with him.

When you were around, Wheezie could hear your laughter coming from Rafe’s room. Even when Rafe was being his usual insufferable self, you made him bearable. She never thought he had that side to him. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure it existed until you came along.

When Rafe opened his eyes the next morning, a sharp, pounding headache greeted him like a cruel companion. The remnants of last night’s party echoed in his skull. Sitting up in bed, hungover and disoriented, fragments of the night before started to drift back into focus—crowds, noise, laughter. The sunlight filtering through the curtains hit him square in the face, intensifying the pain. All he wanted was to throw up and stay in bed for the rest of the day.

He didn’t remember much, just that he went to the party and drank like it was his last night on Earth. Alcohol had been a more reliable friend than Topper or Kelce that night.

Rubbing his hands over his face, he tried to shake off the fog. The smell—his own and the room’s—was rancid, like a stale cocktail of sweat and regret.

He kicked off the covers, intending to get up, when his eyes landed on a single pill and a glass of water sitting on the bedside table. Without thinking, he swallowed the pill and drained the glass.

Stumbling to the window, he threw it open, letting fresh air seep in. He took a quick shower, practically praying for relief from the headache that felt like it was splitting his skull in two. The cold water shocked his system, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to crawl into a dark room and hide there for a week.

Out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his neck and caught a glimpse of his reflection. Dark circles framed his eyes, his face bore the fatigue of a man who hadn’t truly rested in years. The weight pressing down on him wasn’t just from the alcohol; it was everything else. Everything he’d tried to suppress. “You really are a master at screwing things up,” he muttered bitterly at himself.

His gaze drifted around the room—clothes tossed haphazardly on the bed, an empty bottle lying on the floor, a lighter on the nightstand. Even the carpet under his feet made his skin crawl. He needed to pull himself together, maybe eat something, grab a coffee. But first, his phone.

It sat there on the edge of the table, an unspoken threat. Reaching for it, a wave of unease washed over him. He didn’t know who he’d talked to, what he’d said, or worse, what he’d texted. His fingers trembled as he picked it up and unlocked the screen.

Notifications flooded in—group chats, Instagram likes—and then, there they were. Three missed calls.

From you.

His breath hitched. He stared at the screen, the timestamp mocking him. Midnight. One after the other. His thumb hovered over the call log, uncertainty gripping him. Why had you called?

And why at midnight?

It couldn’t be. Not you. Not after everything. You never made the first move, especially not in the middle of the night.

For a moment, he considered calling you back. His thumb ghosted over your name. Should he? Maybe. Or maybe not. What if it led to the same arguments—about the baby, about why you didn’t want to stay, about why he let you go? He could still feel the weight of everything left unsaid between you, haunting him like a shadow.

He dropped the phone back onto the table, running his hands through his hair. Deep down, he knew these questions were rhetorical. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he hadn’t stopped thinking about you—or the life you might’ve had together.

Rising from the bed, he moved to his closet, grabbing the first shirt he saw. A hollow ache settled in his chest as he debated whether to call. The courage he’d relied on last night felt a thousand miles away.

Just then, the phone buzzed. Another notification. His heart skipped. Was it you? No. Someone else. But the fleeting hope that it might’ve been you twisted something inside him.

Setting the phone down again, he took a deep breath. *Calm down,* he told himself. But calming down was impossible. The unease coiled tighter, mixing guilt and longing into a cocktail of misery.

Without thinking too much, he hit your name and let the call go through. The ringing filled the room, amplifying his heartbeat. What if you were asleep? What if he woke you? He hated the idea of disturbing you.

The line clicked off before you answered. His worry deepened. What if something had happened to you? His fingers hovered, then dialed again, this time with more urgency.

The second call rang longer. Each tone ratcheted up his anxiety. And then, finally, the line connected.

“Hey,” Your voice was quiet, cautious.

For a moment, Rafe’s words stuck in his throat. He tried to speak, but it felt like someone had stolen his voice. Finally, he managed, “Hey… uh, you called me?”

It sounded weak, tentative. But hearing your voice, even like this, sent a pang straight through him. He missed you more than he could put into words.

A pause. The silence stretched, making him wonder if you were about to hang up. Then you answered, “I was drunk.”

The words hit him like a slap. Drunk? That was it? Just a drunk dial? The thought made his stomach twist. Was it really that meaningless?

“Are you okay?” he asked, this time more firmly, though it took everything not to press harder.

“I’m fine.” But your tone was too quick, too dismissive. He knew you better than that. He could always tell when you were lying. But he didn’t push. Maybe he didn’t want to know the truth.

“Alright,” he said, not knowing what else to say. He wanted to keep you on the line, to hear more, to find some excuse to hold onto this moment.

“Okay,” you said, your voice faltering briefly before you caught yourself. “I have to go.”

And just like that, the call ended. The short beep that followed felt like a final blow, sealing the unbearable silence around him.

Rafe stared at the phone. Drunk. The word echoed in his head. It collided with another thought, one that sent a chill through him. Did she…?

Had you gone through with it? The decision he’d pushed you toward but never truly wanted? He’d convinced himself it was the right thing to do, but now the thought made his chest tighten unbearably.

He slumped back into his chair, burying his face in his hands. He didn’t know how to feel—relief, regret, or something else entirely. But one thing was clear: he hadn’t stopped loving you. And that realization hit him harder than anything else.

He glanced at the phone one last time. Your name was still there on the screen, a painful reminder of everything he’d lost.

He thought about texting you but stopped. No words felt right. Maybe silence was all he deserved. After all, what was left to say when you’d already walked away for good?

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the-froschamethyst4 · 10 months ago

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Ex-Husband Simon

Simon Ghost Riley Headcanons

————

Ex-Husband Ghost will sign the papers only because he knows you were hurting. He’d be gone for a long time and wouldn’t even know if he was okay or not

Ex-Husband Ghost would feel bad when he’d come to pick the kids up and they don’t understand why their mom and dad aren’t together anymore and why they see him 40 days out of the year

Ex-Husband Ghost who tries his best to keep in contact with you and your kids

Ex-Husband Ghost who cried himself to sleep because he was wondering what he did wrong as a husband

Ex-Husband Ghost who can’t stand the sight of you with another man. When he first went to go pick the kids up and sees you with a man standing on the front porch his hand on your waist. It pissed him off seeing that

Ex-Husband Ghost and when his daughter told him that you were pregnant with that man’s kid, it pissed him off even more, but the reality of remembering that your not his anymore hit him like a brick. He can’t dictate who you have a kid with, you had 2 with him

Ex-Husband Ghost picking up the kids again and he sees you with your big belly with that man’s child

Ex-Husband Ghost his kids expressing how they don’t like their mothers new boyfriend because he could be mean to them for no reason

Ex-Husband Ghost who finally got a chance to talk to you without the court involved or your new boyfriend

“Did you know he was an asshole to the kids?”

“What? No he’s not, Simon, he yelled at them one time because they made a mess, he never yelled at them after that. He knows better.”

“That’s not what the kids told me.”

“Simon-“

“Think about it and I’ll tell you what they told me.”

Ex-Husband Ghost who hates seeing you upset and when the next time he picks up the kids sees you upset and he knows it had something to do with the man

Ex-Husband Ghost who learns you two broke it off and you went to the hospital after having a miscarriage because of stress

Ex-Husband Ghost after he learned that he would pay much more child support then he was suppose to and even brought you groceries

Ex-Husband Ghost who still misses you every time he sees his kids

Ex-Husband Ghost who invited you to come to the park to watch the kids play.

“I’m sorry about the break-up.”

“I learned that he was cheating on me…”

“How long?”

“5 weeks after you had told me he yelled at the kids and when I confronted him about the yelling he told me he was cheating and then started to throw out that the child was probably not his and someone else’s…”

“Y/n-“

“Don’t…I’m here for my kids.”

“I know…”

Ex-Husband Ghost who would still buy you flowers for no reason, the just-because flowers.

“Go give these to mama,” he tells his daughter after she got out of the car.

“Okay,” she takes them and runs towards her giving them to Y/n and smiling down at her daughter moving them inside the house. She turns to Simon and blows him a kiss.

Ex-Husband Ghost who still owns his Kawasaki. He pulls up into your driveway and sees you walking out of the house arms holding you as you move your sweater over your body due to it being cold.

“It’s cold Simon, did you drive here on that?”

“I did…I wanted to see if you wanted to go on a ride?”

“Simon, the kids-“

“They’re okay…I promise just around the neighborhood, nowhere else.”

“Okay,” he pulls out her helmet from his backpack, helping her put it on and helping her on the back.

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts being invited back into your home because it was your children’s idea. They wanted their daddy back in the house to have dinner, and for him to play with them

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts coming over to help you a lot more than before. Before it seemed like Simon was married to his work…not his actual wife.

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts helping you with your sexual needs

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bouquetface · 4 months ago

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Astro Observations 5

ACCURACY BASED ON ENTIRE CHART. Looking at only one placement can only give general/surface level info.

💜 Scorpio moon can have a karmic relationship with women in general. They can have resentment and jealously for other women - although in their younger years they are reluctant to acknowledge this. There is a sub conscious/silent competition for power. Possible examples: Needing to be the most liked gf in your bf's friend group. Needing to be the most liked daughter-in-law your husband's family. However, this is not always the case.

Scorpio moon in a man's chart, I have noticed the above traits are seen in the mom. Their mom might share traits with the stereotypical boy mom. However, when the scorpio moon is placed in 7th house, I have seen these traits be less problematic. In 7th, there is almost a balance, the mom is deeply protective and involved with the child’s relationships but without being controlling. Rather, she may just like to be informed. Now whether, the child will submit the mother’s wishes depends on the child.

🧩 Virgo rising are ruled by mercury. They naturally want information. They’re good at researching & analyzing. They’ll try to get as much info as possible.

Virgo placements mixed with scorpio can create the best detective or stalker. EX: My virgo rising, scorpio sun friend stays updated on all her exes, her friend's exes even exes of her family members. She even has random info on the live's of people she barely talked to from her hometown.

☀️ All the eldest siblings I know almost always have prominent cap placements - cap sun or moon most often seen in my experience.

🧩 Middle & youngest children often have a prominent pisces or aqua placement. However, this won’t always be accurate. It’s just something I’ve noticed in the chart’s of people I know.

🍂 My cousin whose birth was a surprise was an Aqua sun. Aqua’s modern ruler Uranus is connected to themes of shock & sudden surprises.

❣️My cousin whose mom had several miscarriages before her birth is a scorpio sun. Scorpio is connected to taboo topics & endings.

🍎 My friend whose birth prompted her parent’s to move abroad is a sag sun. After her birth, they felt the need for a fresh start away from their own toxic families to start a new one. Sag is connected with themes of travel.

🌊 Neptune square ASC or First house ruler can be the worst. People make bullshit assumptions about you immediately. I’ve noticed most people with prominent & harsh neptune in their chart often have prominent aqua or pisces placements. You can need that ability to detach & shut out the outside world to handle the things people falsely believe about you.

🧩 7th House ruler in 1st House can indicate partnerships (romantic, platonic or business) want control of you & your image. You may encounter relationships with controlling & aggressive people. However, you may like people that take control for you.

🍎 Mars in 1st house & Mars in 10th can be a dangerous placement. You become a target for insecure men & women. They see the power you hold and sub consciously wish to take it away from you. The same can be seen in those with mars square or opposite asc. Certain people will want to compete with you.

mars in 1st may deal with physical abuse in relationships. This is an extreme though. For most, you encounter people who belittle you. People challenge your power & confidence.

🌙 Moon in 4th can manifest as having more femininity in the home. The number of girls could outnumber the boys in the home. You could have more sisters than brothers. Or you end up having more daughters than son.

❤️‍🔥 In my mom's chart she has asteroid child (4580) in sag conjunct neptune. My sun is in sag & my younger brother's sun is in pisces. However, rarely do I see the asteroid being this accurate. Sometimes, the sign of child can be more how you view the child rather than the actual sign of the child.

🧿 Groom (5129) conjunct Moon can give a spouse who takes on a traditional feminine role. The positive outcome would be a family orientated spouse who is very nurturing - ex: enjoys cooking, enjoys house work like painting, mowing the lawn, etc. They enjoy taking care of the home and family.

If harshly aspected, I have seen this as a women's husband refusing to work and provide for their family in any way. He became very lazy after marriage. He threatened she'd have to pay him alimony. Chiron was near her Groom conjunct Moon in Aries.

❤️‍🔥 Fama in 7th H - 7th H isn’t limited to spouse & friendships. It can show business partnerships & clients. I have this in my chart & I worked for a notable influencer. They aren’t A list or anything too extreme, she does have a fan base & make money through her social media though.

🩻 I’ve noticed doctors, nurses & vets often have prominent influence in 8th & 6th house. Most common: 2nd or 10th ruler in 8th or 6th H. You will see people at their most vulnerable, investigate & find/keep secrets about their health (8th H) and offer service (6th H).

🌙 Tropical Pisces Moon / Sidereel Aqua Moons tend to develop the habit of avoiding their emotions. They escape through daydreams, music, books or films. They can feel their own emotions through the character. It can feel safer that way.

& this placement can struggle with the inability to cry for months (maybe even years). They don’t properly process the situation until months or even years later. When it becomes too heavy to hold back, they can cry a lot. Randomly tearing up through the day, crying themselves to sleep.

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toomanystoriessolittletime · 11 months ago

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Mistakes

Summary: You were tired of men making decisions for you. Even though they had your best interest at heart, all they ended up doing was breaking your heart more and more. After reuniting Joel with his brother Tommy (your Ex who left the QZ without telling anyone including you) in a town called Jackson and an overdue argument with Joel Miller you finally confess your feelings for him, spending the night with the older brother, only to wake up alone in an empty house with him and Ellie gone.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader (former Tommy Miller x fem. reader)

Wordcount: 6.4k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, pining, feelings, Joel Miller not being good at those feelings, past heartbreak, current heartbreak, mentioned of miscarriage, more angst, also some smut (unprotected sex), kissing, mentions of violence, stitches, blood

A/N: this summary sucks but I have no idea how to make it better. Let’s hope the fics doesn’t suck like it lmao

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

It was like entering the twilight zone when the gates opened.

People were wandering the streets with smiles on their faces. You could hear children's laughter. Some people stopped and nodded towards you as you passed by them on the horse the people who had found you had put you on.

Your gaze always slipped back to Ellie and Joel in front of you. Watching them closely.

The woman who had talked to Joel, Maria, had not given you much more information other than to follow them after she learned Joel’s name and that he was looking for his brother Tommy.

But you had seen in her face that she recognised the name.

If you were honest with yourself you never believed you would really find him. Tommy.

It had been such a long time since Joel had heard from him last and the only reason you agreed to join him in his search for Tommy was because you were scared of losing the last connection you had to your previous life.

Tommy, Joel and you grew up together.

When you thought of them you thought of summers at the Miller’s pool. Of thirteen year old Joel trying to teach five year old you how to swim while six year old Tommy kept trying to pull you under the water.

The little shit.

Of course as you turned older your interests changed, yet you all still managed to spend at least a week of the summer break together out for mischief.

And then it all changed when Tommy Miller kissed you.

It was after Joel left for College and if you were honest with yourself you had been crushing on him for a while at that point.

You and Tommy had been together for two years before you found him kissing another girl.

God, you had been so heartbroken back then.

He had been your first real boyfriend and a tiny part of you thought he'd be the man you would marry and have kids with. Sixteen year old you had her life planned out to the dot.

It had taken years for you to accept him as a friend again.

Joel and you had become closer in the meantime. He’d told you all about his plans to open his own business and that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend.

You were also the first person he told when he learned that he’d become a father.

He had been scared but so happy.

And you knew from the moment you saw him hold Sarah for the first time, that he would move heaven and earth for his little girl. Nothing would stay in his way. Not when his girlfriend left him with a toddler, not when both of his parents died, leaving him to deal with everything on his own.

Sarah was his whole world.

Until the world ended.

The years after that were dark and painful. That was the excuse you used, that you needed to feel something different for at least a little moment, when you started to sleep with Tommy again.

Which went on for years even after you made it to the QZ.

Until he left without a word.

Leaving you and his brother again to pick up the pieces.

“Tommy!” you heard Joel shout and your eyes followed his gaze, his horse stopping as he jumped off.

He looked different. Older than you remembered him. But there walking down the steps was indeed Tommy Miller.

Joel had found him.

His eyes found yours as he hugged his brother, whispering your name in disbelief.

For a moment, a small moment you were beyond relieved to find him alive and well. Anger replaced that feeling pretty quickly. He was alive and well and in a fucking functioning town without ever sending a fucking message?

You had stopped counting how often you had been almost killed on this mission to find him because Joel and you thought something had happened to him and he needed saving.

You closed your eyes, swallowing your anger, finding Ellie watching you when your eyes opened again.

“Let’s have something to eat,” Maria said next to you and you gave her a sharp nod, leaving the Miller brothers behind.

You hated the fact that you cried when you were angry.

Tears were streaming down your face as you showered under the warmest fucking water you had felt in years, scrubbing your body furiously.

The nerve he had.

Not only was he perfectly fine, no he was married and about to be a father.

You didn’t like the way his wife Maria kept glaring at Joel not trying to be sneaky about it.

You could only imagine what he had told her.

He used to blame Joel for what you all had done after the outbreak on your way to the Boston QZ. You had always argued about it in the privacy of the shitty apartment you shared back in the QZ. Because Tommy was a fully grown man when he killed those people. He could have stopped and left. But it was easier to blame someone else for the decisions he was too scared or cowardly to make.

You could only hope that you’d be out of here first thing in the morning before you’d explode.

Of course life had other plans.

You walked into the house across the street just as Maria tried to warn Ellie about Joel.

“But there are clearly things you don't know about Joel,” you heard Maria say. You stopped outside the window to listen.

“Oh, like how he used to kill people? I know about that,” Ellie said.

“So then you understand my concern.”

“He doesn't do that anymore,” Ellie defended him.

“He stopped killing people?” Maria asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Innocent ones. And Tommy did it, too. Are you worried about him?”

You chose that moment to walk into the house, finding Ellie sitting in the kitchen, Maria cutting her hair.

“Tommy was following Joel. The way you are now,” Maria said looking at you.

“No offence but you have no idea what you are talking about,” you said and she raised her eyebrow.

“I think I do,” she said, putting the scissors down.

“Yeah? You are comparing a fourteen year old girl to a fully grown man who had all the time in the world to step away and stop what we did back then. But he didn’t. He never stops. He’s a fucking…” you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath.

“He told me about you. About how he regrets leaving without a word,” Maria said.

You scoffed.

“Sure he does. He always regrets doing things after he did them. That’s why he never sent word that he’s alive.”

“That’s my fault. And he didn’t know that you’d be coming to look for him,” she said.

“That’s what family does. We look out for each other. But maybe we’re not family anymore. Come on Ellie,” you said and she got up from the chair immediately, walking towards you.

“Stop,” Maria said and you sighed.

“I’ll take her to the movies and you…. I think you, Joel and Tommy need to talk.”

“You’re angry,” Joel looked up at you as you sat down next to him. He was trying to fix his boots.

“I thought I wasn’t anymore but…. Fuck look around this place? I’m just so… Fuck I really want to punch him,” you groaned and Joel chuckled.

“I know the feelin’,” he sighed.

You let your head fall against his shoulder, closing your eyes.

You felt his lips on your temple.

„You gonna tell him?“ He whispered. Your opened your eyes, shaking your head.

„Don’t think he would care,“ you mumbled.

„I think you would be surprised,“ he said quietly.

You both sat there in silence for a moment.

„I’m weak,“ Joel said after a moment. You sat yourself up, your head turning to look at him.

„What do you mean?“

He sighed, not looking up at you as he focused on fixing his shoes.

„Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and... my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night,“ he said quietly.

You carefully put your hand on his shoulder.

„What kinda dreams?“

„I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up... I've lost somethin’,“ you saw the tears in his eyes. You knew something had changed in the last weeks. He was more quiet, staring of in the distance when he thought you weren’t looking.

„I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail her again and again. I fail you again and again. I see you die ever single night in my dreams and I…“ you put your arms around his shoulders, tears running down your cheeks.

„I can’t protect you anymore,“ he whispered and you tensed.

„I’m gonna… I’m gonna ask Tommy to take her. I’m just gonna get her killed. Both of you. I know it. I have to leave…“ you did not give him a chance to continue, jumping up from your position.

„You gonna ask Tommy to take her? What about me? You gonna just…. Let him take me too? Because you know I won’t leave her. We’re all she has Joel,“ you said, your voice getting louder.

„You could stay here. It’s safe. You would be safe…“ he said but you shook your head.

„Stay here with Tommy? Super happy Tommy who finally got the right woman pregnant?“ You yelled.

He said your name, pleading but you shook your head.

„You know, I should have seen this coming. I knew I would end up alone. First him, now you… I really thought that you felt…“ you shook your head, „How silly of me to think it would be different with you…“ you laughed bitterly, stubbornly brushing the tears away.

You took a deep breath.

„One day you are gonna wake up and realise that the only reason why you feel so alone, is because you pushed everyone away. Because you think you don’t deserve to be cared for. Tommy, Ellie…. Me….,“ you shook your head before you looked at him.

„Don’t bother asking Tommy. I’m gonna leave with her first thing in the morning. You’ll never gonna see either of us again,“ you said before you turned around, ignoring him calling after you, hoping you’d made it back to the house before you broke down.

You hadn’t even crossed the street when you heard your name being called, Tommy’s familiar voice startling you.

You just walked faster, not bothering to stop.

„Please just…“ you felt his hand on your shoulder and you whirled around, glaring up at the man you once loved so much.

„Leave me alone,“ you gritted through your clenched teeth, before turning away from him.

„It’s what you Miller’s do best,“ you called over your shoulder before you made your way back to the house.

You laid awake in bed when you heard the door open.

You had told Ellie in the most gentle way that it would only be you who would take her to the fireflies. Of course she had questions, and you promised her to answer every single one once you were on the road.

She had fallen asleep rather quickly before you made your way to the biggest bedroom. You just laid down on the bed, fully clothed staring at the ceiling as the hours passed by.

You were broken, you had been for a long time.

The only thing you could always count on to keep you going was Joel.

He was your rock and part of you always thought you were his. Even when he was with Tess or any other women. At the end of the day, once he needed someone to talk, to really talk to, he always came to you.

He held you when you found out you were pregnant after Tommy left.

He was there when you woke up in pain, he was there when you found out you lost the baby.

He was always there.

And along the way you fell in love with him.

You turned your head to look at Joel who was standing in the door just looking at you.

It was like there was something in the air all of the sudden, the hairs on your neck standing up as his eyes moved over your body, his gaze lingering on your lips.

„I’m sorry,“ he said quietly, slowly walking towards you.

When you didn’t say anything as he stopped in front of the bed he slowly sat down, reaching for one of your hands. You were too tired to fight him.

„You were right,“ he started, his thumb running over the back of your hand, his head turned down.

„I keep pushing you away because I’m so fucking scared to lose someone else I…,“ he shook his head.

„I care about. I care about you so much, it scares me. It would kill me if something happened to you, because I was to weak to protect you. And I… I can’t lose you. I just can’t. I wanna keep you safe and….“

„Joel….“ You interrupted him and he looked at you as you slowly sat yourself up so you were kneeling on the bed next to him. You reached the hand he was not holding up, your fingers brushing over his cheek, his eyes closing slowly as he released a shuddering breath.

Your hand lingered on his skin, your fingertips rubbing over the corner of his lips and his eyes flipped open, finding yours.

„You know I love you, right?“ You whispered and his eyes softened for a small moment, before he nodded.

„Then please let me in and let me love you,“ you said before you leaned in and kissed him softly.

He tensed for a moment before one of his hands came to the back of your head, deepening the kiss, pulling you closer, his other hand on your back.

„Joel,“ you gasped, your hands pulling at his shirt until he parted from you, taking his shirt off. You let your hands wander up your chest before you pulled your own shirt off, leaving you in just your old bra.

„Fucking beautiful,“ he whispered before he kissed you again, slowly leaning over you until you were laying in bed with him above you.

Joel slowly kissed down your throat, your chest until he gave all his attention to your breasts. He sucked on your nipples through the thin worn fabric of your bra until you sat yourself up, almost making him fall off the bed, both of you laughing as you took it off, a groan leaving his mouth, one of his hands palming himself. You bit into your bottom lip before you got closer to him, your fingers opening his belt buckle, then his pants.

He stopped you before you could get any further.

„Let me make you feel good first,“ he whispered, kissing you forehead.

„Later,“ you said, looking at him, something in his eyes darkening as he saw the lust in yours.

Within seconds you both were naked and he just looked at you in awe as he knelt between your parted legs.

His hands wandered up your thighs, his fingers running shivers over your whole body, your back arching.

„Please Joel,“ you whispered, your hands coming to rest on his hips until he finally leaned down and kissed you, one of his hand wrapped around his cock as he swiped the head through your wet pussy, teasing your clit with it, making you moan.

He lined himself up, kissing you deeply as he slowly entered you inch by inch, both of you panting against each others mouths.

„Shiiiit, you feel perfect. Fucking perfect,“ he grunted before he began to move, thrusting slowly inside of you, his arms wrapped around your body, his lips all over you.

No matter how close he was, you wanted him closer, your arms wrapped around his back, pulling him against you as he continued to fuck you deeply.

He kissed away the tears that escaped your eyes, overwhelmed at finally being so close to him. Holding him. Feeling him.

He made you cum twice before he pulled out and came with a groan of your name, his cum spilling all over your stomach.

He cleaned you up after, holding you close, kissing you until you fell asleep.

While he watched over you, praying to whatever god there still was, that you would forgive him.

You didn’t stir when Joel left your bed after he watched you sleep until the room slowly filled with light at the upcoming sunrise.

You didn’t feel it as he kissed your forehead before he slowly got up from the bed and got dressed, grabbing his bag.

You didn’t hear his whispered „Forgive me“ as he stepped out of the room.

You were sleeping so deeply you didn’t even hear Eliie argue as Joel walked her out of the house.

Not looking back towards the house you were sleeping in.

The first thing you noticed was that you were warm. You hadn’t felt warm in a long time. Smiling to yourself you slowly opened your eyes, frowning immediately as you noticed how bright it was outside.

Your eyes found the old cock on the bedside table, widening as you noticed that it was already around noon.

„Shit,“ you cursed, your head now turning to the other side of the bed where Joel had laid next to you only to find it empty.

A uneasy feeling washed over you as you took the room in, finding it vacant of anything that belonged to Joel.

Suddenly fully awake you jumped out of bed, dressing yourself within seconds before you walked out of the room and across the hallway opening the door to the room Ellie had been asleep in.

Empty.

Your breath came in short pants, your throat squeezing tight, the beginnings of a panic attack making their entrance as your hands started to shake.

Shaking your head you tried to get your lungs to fill with air, your back leaning against the wall behind you.

Tears were springing into your eyes.

He wouldn’t just leave you after last night. Right?

Not after he….

A knock on the door let you jump up, running down the stairs, opening the door to find the wrong Miller brother standing in front of it, his expression one you could read without words.

„He’s gone, isn’t he?“ You whispered.

Tommy only nodded.

Taking a deep breath you looked up towards the ceiling, shaking your head slowly.

„Talked to the council. You can stay here as long as you want. Gotta take up some work at some point but there’s no rush…“

You scoffed.

„You must be really delusional if you think I am going to stay here,“ you said, looking at him. You were still angry, but more so tired. Tired of always being the second choice.

He said your name, almost pleading.

„I’m sorry for not telling you before I left. I thought it was easier to just… rip the bandaid off. I knew you’d be okay. You’re one of the strongest people I ever met. And I… I just couldn’t stay there with Joel and….“

You wanted to tell him then.

To tell him that he broke that strong person he thought you were.

Finding out the day after he left that you were pregnant with his child, broke you.

And you couldn’t tell him that to this day you blamed that the stress of him leaving made you lose the baby you never got to meet.

It wouldn’t help anyone to tell him.

„I am going to get my stuff and I want a horse and some supplies. Then I’ll be out of here. I can’t keep doing this…“ you said.

„No, No please stay. I want to… I want to make this right between us. I promised Joel I…“ Tommy began, but you held a hand up, stopping him.

„Maybe you and your brother should try talking to me before making all the decisions for me. A horse and some supplies. You owe me that much. After that I’ll make sure we never cross ways again,“ you didn’t wait for his reply, turning around and marching up the stairs to pack your stuff.

An hour later you were settled on top of a horse called Diamond. Tommy had gotten you the supplies you asked for, even a first aid kid and walked next to you as the gate opened.

„Where are you gonna go?“ He asked.

„Away,“ you only answered, even though you had a clear destination in mind, before you took one last look at him. You saw his wife standing on the end of the street, watching you.

As you looked back at Tommy you realised that you felt nothing for the man who was looking up at you now.

„I know you love him,“ he startled you.

„Pretty sure he loves you too, so once you found him, don’t be too hard on him. We Miller’s a stubborn bunch of people who only want to protect the people we love. Even if it ends up hurting them even more,“ he said, keeping his eyes on you.

„Take care of your wife,“ was all you said before you kicked your legs to ride out of Jackson.

The town you found shelter in seemed abandoned enough to rest until this blizzard passed by. It should’t be more than a days ride to the university of the fireflies now, but you could not make it in this storm. So you bunked down in a abandoned house, the windows and doors already barricaded making sure Diamond, your horse, had something to drink and eat in the garage before you bunked down in the surprisingly tidy house next to it.

You even found some food, including long expired peaches that brought a small smile to your face as you thought about how much Ellie would love them.

It was on the next morning that you heard a noise outside. You made your way into the garage, finding Diamond getting nervous too.

You petted her nose before you slowly risked a glance outside of the broken window of the garage, your eyes widening when through the heavy snow falling outside, you could make Ellie out on top of a horse.

You put your jacket on and opened the door, startling the girl who now had her riffle pointed at you.

You held your hands up and her shoulders fell as she realised who you were, starting to sob.

It was then that you noticed that the horse she was sitting on, was dragging something behind it, the air leaving your lungs one one gasp as you realised that it was Joel.

And he was not awake.

„How long?“ You asked Ellie, willing your fingers to warm up as you dug through your first aid kit.

Ellie had helped you carry Joel inside. Now she was sitting on the little sofa, her tears still running down her cheek as she watched you.

„Three hours ago? Maybe more? I don’t know. We… We were at the university and we…. We were almost out when that man….“

You were closer to the university than you thought then.

You were dying to walk over to her to soothe her, but Joel was your first priority. He looked very pale, his lips blue from the cold. With shaking fingers your unzipped his jacket, fighting down the whimper as you saw how much blood he was still loosing, your hand immediately pressing down to stop the bleeding.

Ellie had made a good job with the bandage she had put on his wound.

He didn’t even stir.

„It was a broken baseball bat. He… he pulled it out and he was okay at first but then he… he… he fell and now he’s not….“

„Ellie,“ you said and she looked at you with wide wet eyes.

„You did the right thing. He shouldn’t have pulled it out but there’s nothing we can do about it now. I am… I am gonna try to fix him, okay?“ You said, nodding as if to make yourself believe that you could.

She mirrored you.

„Can I help?“ Ellie asked.

„There’s a bathroom upstairs. Get as many towels as possible and then get a bucket with snow from outside. Snow from the top. We need…. We need to clean him. But I don’t have… We….“ You took a deep breath, stopping your ramble.

„Towels and snow, got it,“ she said, throwing her backpack down before she made her way upstairs.

You took a deep breath, sucking your bottom lip in.

„Don’t you die on me Joel Miller, I still have to yell at you“ you whispered as you leaned down, to kiss his temple before you used the scissors of your first aid kit to cut his shirt open.

It came to you on the day after, that the only stitches you ever did were on Joel Miller’s body. You had stitched a cut on his upper arm almost fifteen years ago. Then a bulled wound on his hip.

But that was nothing like what you were dealing with here.

You had used the little bottle of disinfectant to clean his wound as best as you could, before you stitched him up and he had not even moved a muscle through all of it.

It was sometime during the early morning hours that he stirred, waking up only enough to ask after Ellie, falling back asleep immediately when you came into his line of view, his whispered name on your lips.

You and Ellie had pulled him in as many blankets as possible to get him to warm up.

It was like you checked the wound hourly to make sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore and somehow in the early hours of the afternoon it seemed to stop.

Ellie was spending almost all her time outside in the garage with the horses after she woke up. She wasn’t talking much, but she had told you that she was glad you had found them.

A groan made you jump up and you found Joel’s eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings until his eyes focused on you, whispering your name, his voice hoarse.

„How are you feeling?“ You asked softly, coming to kneel next to him, your hand on his cheek.

„Like I got stabbed by a bat,“ he groaned and you felt the tears springing into your eyes as you smiled sadly.

„Not the time for jokes Miller,“ you said and he sighed, his head turning in your hand.

„Ellie?“ He asked.

„In the garage with the horses,“ you said and he nodded slowly.

„'Am sorry,“ he said and you shook your head.

„It’s okay,“ you said and now he shook his head.

„Was a shitty thing to leave,“ he grunted.

„Yeah it was. And I am gonna yell at you for that, but only once you are all healed up,“ you promised with a small smile, your fingers brushing over your skin.

The door flew open and Ellie ran in with wide eyes.

„There was someone out there,“ she said and your eyes widened before you got up while she knelled down next to Joel who was trying to get up.

„Wait here with him and do not let him get up,“ you instructed Ellie as you made your way out into the garage.

The windows of the whole house were barricaded so the only way to actually look outside were the broken windows over the garage door.

You carefully stepped onto the chair you had found inside to look out of the window and you could see three men walk down the street, as if they were looking for something. They didn’t look like they were raiders, not carrying any kind of bags or supplies on them. And only one was holding a handgun. You were glad that it had continued to snow during the night, covering up all the tracks that led to the house.

You watched as they rounded the block, noticing how thin they looked as they walked back the way they came from, unease washing over your body.

„They must be around here somewhere. How far can they get? Rodrick fucking stabbed him with his bat,“ you heard one of them mutter as they walked past the house, your heart stopping.

They were looking for Joel.

For Joel and Ellie.

You had to get out of here.

You watched them until they had left the street, before you got down from the chair.

Still in your thoughts you made you way back inside the house.

The longer you thought about them the more uncomfortable you became. You had the same feeling a couple times before, the last time just before you made it out of Kansas City, a city you only barely survived.

Both Ellie’s eyes and Joel’s were on you when you entered the room.

„It would be better for Joel to stay here and heal but…“

„We have to leave?“ Ellie asked and you nodded.

„I…They are looking for you. I heard them talk,“ you said as you knelt down on the other side of Joel who was looking up at you. You put your hand on his forehead, noticing that he was running a little hot.

You would need medicine for him. You only had some expired aspirin. That wouldn’t help him if his wound got infected.

„We’ll leave first thing in the morning,“ you decided, hoping that it would be for the best.

It was a four day ride back to Jackson.

Four days that felt like four weeks.

Joel had been strong enough to get on his feet on the morning you left and both Ellie and you had helped him up into the saddle before you got onto the horse in front of him, using two belts you had found upstairs to strap him against you, his arms coming to wrap around you.

You heard every groan of pain he let out as he tried to keep himself up on the horse.

On the second day, once you were far enough away from the town you felt him burn up, mumbling against your ear, his head resting on your shoulder.

It was getting harder to keep him on the horse with you, Ellie riding next to you, her worried eyes always on Joel.

More than once he told you to just leave him and get both you and Ellie to safety but you and Ellie were having none of it.

When you saw the gates of Jackson you were almost crying, Ellie galloping in front of you even though you called after her to slow down, hoping they wouldn’t just shot her on sight.

But then the gate opened and for the first time in a long time you were glad to see Tommy Miller running towards you, already yelling commands out.

The next hours were a blur.

You pretty much passed out the moment you knew Joel was taken care off. You woke up to beeping in a dark room, only a little lamp on the table next to the bed you were laying in, your eyes immediately finding Ellie who had cuddled on the bed next to you. You carefully put an arm around her before you noticed someone else in the room.

Joel was laying in the bed next to yours, the constant beep of the monitor telling you that his heart was still beating.

You closed your eyes, releasing a shuddering breath as you tried to keep the tears in that were threatening to escape your eyes.

Ellie shifted in your arms and she turned around, her arm sneaking around you, her eyes looking up at you.

„Thank fuck you’re awake, these people around here are weird,“ she said and you huffed a laugh, hugging her closer.

„How long…?“ You asked but she interrupted you.

„We came here yesterday just before dinner. Breakfast was two hours ago? I’m not sure,“ she mumbled. You both jumped when the door opened, your head turning just in time to see Tommy walk in, followed from an older man.

„You’re awake,“ the man said and you sat yourself up, the sudden move making your head spin.

„I’m Carl, I’m the town doctor,“ he introduced himself to you before he walked over to Joel.

„Is he gonna be okay?“ You asked.

„Thanks to some medication and some generous blood donations,“ he eyed Tommy, „he should be making a full recovery. Nice stitches,“ he complemented and you released a relieved breath.

„You should have seen the blood transfusion, it was super gross,“ Ellie said with a shudder that made you laugh.

„I want you to rest too. You were severely dehydrated. That must have been some exhausting couple of days for you,“ he said, giving you a small smile before he looked at Tommy and left the room.

It was quiet in the room for a moment as you tried not to look at Tommy.

Ellie suddenly sat herself up with a hum.

„Weeeeeell this isn’t awkward at all, so I’m gonna go and get us some food,“ she announced before she jumped off the bed and left you alone with the Miller brothers.

For a long time the only noise inside the room was the constant beeping of Joel’s heart monitor.

„Why did you leave without saying anything?“ You finally asked and Tommy shifted in the chair he was sitting in.

„I couldn’t stay. Joel was…. He was getting more and more reckless. Then there was the fucking drugs. I wanted to… I though I could make the world better. just couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t watch him destroy himself any longer. And I am sorry I didn’t tell you. You didn’t deserve that,“ he said and you nodded.

„I know the things we all did were horrible. They haunt me too. And Joel…“ you look at him, sleeping in his bed.

„He was never the same after Sarah,“ you whispered.

„We all weren’t. We just dealt with it differently,“ Tommy said and you nodded.

„Are you gonna stay?“ He asked and you sighed, looking at him. There was no point in keeping a grudge anymore. Not after what happened. You were safe. Ellie was safe. Joel was safe and hopefully close to being okay again.

„I have to tell you one thing,“ you decided. He deserved to know why you had been so angry. Why you blamed him for every single bad thing that happened after he left.

„Okay,“ he said, nodding at you.

„On the morning after I found out your left, I also found out that I was pregnant,“ you said quietly, seeing his eyes widen, before he took a deep breath.

„I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I am telling you so you can understand why I was so angry and hurt,“ you explained.

„I can’t keep blaming you for every bad thing that happens to me,“ you whispered.

„What,“ he cleared his throat, „what happened?“ He asked.

„I lost it six weeks after you left,“ you said with a sad smile, your finger brushing the tear away that ran down your cheek.

He looked wrecked.

„I’m so fucking sorry,“ he shook his head, his hand running through his hair.

You shrugged.

„It just wasn’t meant to be,“ you sobbed, cursing to yourself as you turned your head to hide your face against the pillow.

„Fucking hug her,“ you both heard Joel grunt and you almost jumped up, your head spinning again.

„Joel, thank fuck,“ Tommy said before he jumped out of his chair as he saw you get out of bed on shaky legs. His arms held you up as you stumbled towards Joel’s bed who gave you a painful smile.

„Come on, let’s get you into bed,“ Tommy whispered before he helped you sit down, pulling your legs up onto the bed as you carefully laid down next to Joel, his right arm opening for you.

You put your hand on his chest, careful to not hurt him as you inhaled his familiar, if somewhat sweaty, scent.

„I’ll leave you two alone,“ Tommy said as he looked at the both of you, but you were already asleep.

„I’ll take care of her,“ Joel whispered before he kissed your forehead.

Six weeks later

„I fucking hate math!“ Ellie groaned, letting her head fall against the table.

„Language!“ Joel called from the kitchen and she rolled her eyes while you held back a giggle.

„Nobody likes math,“ you assured her, your arm wrapping around her shoulder.

„Why do I have to learn it then?“

„Because that’s just the way life is. We all have to learn shit we don’t want,“ you said, you both laughing when Joel again called you out on your cursing.

„I am a fully grown adult, Mr. Miller, leave me alone,“ you yelled towards the kitchen, only to hear his footsteps seconds later before he appeared in the door, both of his hands on his hips, giving you an exhausting head shake.

„What am I gonna do with you?“ He asked before he walked over. You let go of Ellie’s shoulder as he stepped closer, his lips coming to kiss your cheek.

„Ugh gross,“ Ellie gagged, jumping out of her seat.

„I’m gonna go and ask Dina to help me with math!“ She said, running out of the house, the door falling closed behind her.

„She forgot her homework,“ Joel said, now kissing your neck.

„Mmmmmhhh….“ You nodded, tilting your head to give him more space, his lips wandering up your neck.

One of his hands sneaked to the front of your shirt until his palm softly palmed your breast.

„Think you’re up for some…. Biology?“ He asked and you giggled, getting up from your chair to turn around, your arms crossing behind his neck.

„Birds and bees again?“ You said, playfully annoyed while he nodded, all serious, before you both broke out in laughter.

„We gotta work on your flirting, Miller,“ you said before you kissed him, shrieking when his fingers pinched your ass.

„Love you,“ he mumbled against your lips and you smiled.

„Love you too,“ you whispered before you let him guide you towards your bedroom.

#my fic #Joel Miller x fem. reader #Joel Miller #Tommy Miller x fem. reader #Tommy Miller #Pedro Pascal #tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction

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megalony · 3 months ago

Text

Come Get Me

This is finally a new Tommy Kinard imagine, it's taken me far too long to get back to Tommy but here we are and I am hoping to write more for him very soon.

I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22

Tommy Kinard Masterlist

Summary: On a night out, an ex tries it on with Tommy, and (Y/n) sees. She goes to stay with a friend for a while after they argue, but when she realises she's unwell, she calls Tommy for help.

(Mentions of miscarriage)

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, where's your girl?"

Tommy downed the last dregs of beer in his glass and set it down on the table before he darted his eyes over to Liam who was sitting across from him.

The bar they were in was crowded and loud; louder than what Tommy was used to when he was flying the helicopters. He had gotten used to a lot of noise over the years, but that didn't mean he liked to be bombarded with noise all the time. What he wouldn't give for the bar to be quiet right now.

He slouched back in the booth the five of them were cramped into and looked down at his phone on his lap. (Y/n) had said she was on her way about ten minutes ago, she shouldn't be much longer.

"She'll be here soon, she's been in town."

A fondness washed over Tommy's face and he couldn't stop his smile from broadening when he thought about (Y/n). She told him earlier she was out shopping and when he asked if she wanted to join them at the bar, he was delighted that she agreed.

(Y/n) had met the guys Tommy worked with, but she didn't see them often or know them well. And Tommy wanted to wrap himself around her and have her here with him, he hadn't seen her in over a day because of the long shift he had been on. He'd come straight from Harbour down here to the bar, catching a ride with Joe who picked him up on the way.

"Nice. You two getting serious?"

"She's moved in with me, hasn't she?" He wasn't used to talking about his private life with his friends. He chatted to them and let them talk his ear off with their personal lives and problems, but Tommy wasn't always one for sharing.

But (Y/n) was different. There was something captivating about her and Tommy just knew this relationship was different from all the other ones he'd had in the past. He wanted her to move in after the first month of dating, but he'd managed to hold back until they'd been going steady for almost ten months. They had been together for a year now and it had been the best year of Tommy's life.

No hook ups, no relationships with complicated pasts or exes hanging around every corner. No troubled relations and girls who didn't understand the job. (Y/n) understood what Tommy did and the risks that came with it, she understood him like they were one person and she loved him more than anyone else ever had.

"She's here- no one wind her up." Tommy pointed at each of his four friends sat with him, examining their grins and ignoring their little wolf whistles.

He was partly joking, but he didn't want any of them trying to mess with (Y/n) or making her uncomfortable.

It wasn't hard for (Y/n) to find the group of men she was looking for. Tommy was naturally tall and broad shouldered, he stood out in any crowd. And when she looked over the booths, she spotted him instantly and the smile he flashed in her direction.

Her heart bubbled up at that smile and those pearly whites that poked through as he waved her over and ticked his head to one side to beckon her to him. As if she hadn't already spotted them.

(Y/n) could barely contain her excitement when she made her way over towards them.

She wanted to drag Tommy to one side and talk to him alone. She wanted to tell him the good news, but she couldn't. She had to wait. She had to stall herself; after all, she had just methodically planned out a way to tell him.

She was pregnant.

(Y/n) knew they hadn't been together all that long, only a year, but she loved Tommy and she had seen him around kids, he was a natural. He would be an amazing father and she wanted to tell him in a special way. She had been looking in town for ideas and found a onesie and a cute pair of baby slippers that would do the trick. She would bag them up and give them to him as a present to tell him he was going to be a dad.

Her lips curved into a wide grin when she walked up to the booth, murmuring a soft "Hi," as she rested her hand on Tommy's shoulder and leaned into him since he was sat on the edge of the curved booth.

She thought he would of shuffled up towards Liam, but to her surprise, Tommy wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her down onto his lap instead. The swift movement earned a gasp from (Y/n)'s lips and she bit her lip to smother her laugh when Tommy instantly curved his arms around her waist and tucked his face into her neck.

"Missed me?" She murmured softly and pecked the top of his head while she reached down to give his wrists a squeeze.

"Course I have. You remember everyone, right?"

(Y/n) nodded and smiled at them, noting how they were all grinning and looking at Tommy. The one who was usually secluded and kept to himself, but now for once, they could see him lovingly wrapped around someone, letting his guard down.

"What are you drinking?" Jake got up from the booth and grabbed the empty glasses. He knew what everyone else would have. He leant his hip against the table and gazed down at (Y/n) with a toothy grin.

"Lemonade please."

"You not drinking?"

"I'm the ride home, remember?" (Y/n) smiled at Liam before she looked back at Tommy when he finally lifted his head from her neck. She couldn't admit that now, she had another reason for not drinking tonight, or any other night in the foreseeable future.

She let go of Tommy's wrist to cup his cheek and she leaned over to connect their lips in a sweet kiss. She could taste the beer on his sugary lips that felt intoxicating to her and she couldn't help but smile against him when his pointed chin pressed into hers to tip her head more in his direction.

She thanked Jake once he came back with a tray of drinks, and when it became apparant that Tommy wasn't letting her move from his lap, (Y/n) decided to get comfy.

She slouched down a bit on his lap, wriggling her back into his firm chest and she tipped her head back to rest on his shoulder.

Tommy kept one arm looped securely around her waist, pinning her in place as if she was about to go anywhere. And his other hand tapped on the table, reaching out for his drink every now and then. He couldn't have been happier that (Y/n) was getting along well with the team, Tommy wanted her to come along to more of their nights out or when they sporadically went out for meals after shift. He wanted her involved in everything he did.

The conversation flowed easily and (Y/n) found herself relaxing and slouching more into Tommy as if they were back at home. Her foot tapped up and down every now and then and she kept her face tucked into his neck for a while.

"Alright, next round."

"I'll get it, I need the toilet anyway." (Y/n) sat up straight and clicked her spine into place in the process.

She may as well go to the toilets and then get the drinks on her way back, after all she had to pass the bar to get to the ladies anyway.

"Who says I'm letting you go?" Tommy muttered quietly as he leaned forward to tuck his face back into her neck. He felt the way she shivered against him when he grazed his teeth along her skin. He was rather comfy where they were, he didn't feel like letting her disappear from his arms.

"I won't be long," (Y/n) murmured and she nudged his chin so he would look up at her again. Giving her the opportunity to kiss the corner of his mouth to try and distract him while she moved off his lap. She sucked his lower lip between hers before finally detaching from him.

Tommy's eyes stayed locked on (Y/n) when she stood up, checking her dress was pulled down and free from any wrinkles.

(Y/n) tangled a hand in her hair, brushing it from her eyes that widened when Tommy shuffled across and got up along with her. His height made him tower over her and she tilted her head back, unsure what he was doing. Was he going to escort her to the toilets? She knew where they were.

"I'll order the drinks, it might take a while." One look towards the bar showed there were a lot of people packed over there. (Y/n) could go to the toilets and come out again before Tommy even got served. He may as well get in the queue now and save them all a long wait.

(Y/n) nodded, feeling his arms secure around her waist and his lips attached to the back of her head. They walked in tandem until they reached the bar and (Y/n) finally felt him let her go so she could head to the bathroom.

Once he watched her disappear, Tommy wedged into a space at the bar and slumped his forearms down. His lower back arched out as he waited very patiently for someone to come over and serve him. But he felt his blood running cold when a vaguely familiar voice caught his attention.

"Tommy? Oh, I thought it was you."

He glanced over his shoulder and did his best to hide the grimace from his face when he realised who it was. He couldn't hide the distaste from his eyes, but he was sure she didn't seem to notice.

"Hi."

Charlie.

His ex. The one he had a few hook ups with right before he met (Y/n). They hadn't exactly dated, it had just been a few odd nights together here and there and from what Tommy knew of her, she wasn't an amazing person. She was fun but she was way too much for Tommy, he couldn't handle that kind of snarky energy that she had and he was too old for just hooking up.

She wanted to be friends with benefits and Tommy was past that point in his life.

"How's longs it been?" She leaned her hip against the bar and patted his shoulder like they were old friends rather than, well, whatever they actually were.

"A while." He hoped the curt response would be enough to tell her that he wasn't interested in a civil chat with her. Tommy was out with his friends from work and his partner, he didn't want to riminess about old times or talk to an old fling from the past.

He hadn't contacted or seen Charlie at all since the moment he started dating (Y/n). When he and (Y/n) got together, Tommy cut all contact with Charlie and anyone else he used to have meaningless flings with. He was serious about (Y/n), she was the one for him.

"Fancy grabbing a drink with me?"

When her hand moved over his shoulder, Tommy shrugged off her touch while his eyes scanned around the bar. No one was coming to his rescue to serve him and if he moved away now it would only mean a longer wait as people would push in front. Although if he headed near the toilets he could wait for (Y/n) and attach himself to her, make it clear to Charlie that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"No, thanks."

When she didn't move away from him and in fact got closer, Tommy all but groaned under his breath. He turned to lean his left elbow on the bar with his body twisted to face Charlie. He didn't want to tell her to go away or be rude, but he had to make it clear he didn't want anything to do with her.

Although she seemed to get the wrong impression because she hooked her arms around his neck almost instantly. With a locked jaw, he reached his hands around to unhook her arms but he was taken by surprise when she pushed up towards him.

She had to be wearing heels which made her more his height because in no time at all, Charlie had her lips on his.

Tommy could taste the vodka on her lips and her breath was laced with all sorts of alcoholic remedies which made his nose crinkle. He leaned back again until he was practically pushing on the person behind him and with a bit of strength, he clasped Charlie's hands and roughly threw her arms back towards her.

Their lips detached when he pushed her away and his lips crinkled in distaste but he could of screamed when Charlie slumped into his chest. She was drunk, and the way she giggled and spluttered his name had him close to rolling his eyes.

But when Tommy looked to the left, his heart stopped.

(Y/n)'s arms moved to wrap around her waist and her nails started to dig into her skin, creating claw marks up and down her arms as she watched Tommy.

She had no idea who the blonde was attached to his chest, but she knew she had just seen them kissing.

Was he seriously kissing someone while (Y/n) had gone to the toilets? She had been gone less than five minutes. What was he playing at? Why would he do that? (Y/n) had been agonising all day over the right way to tell him that they were going to be a family, but this wasn't something she had accounted for.

Unsure what to do or what she wanted to do, (Y/n) made herself as small as she could and weaved past the bodies pushing in all directions.

Tommy wasn't like that. He wasn't self-centred. He wasn't vain or ignorant or the type to cheat or flirt about. (Y/n) knew he had been a bit careless in the past, he had a lot of hook ups, but he said he was done with that lifestyle. He had the gall to tell her he was too old for that.

Well, then what had (Y/n) just witnessed?

Her body trembled and she jerked forward when she felt a familiar hand curling around her arm. She stopped trying to stride away but when Tommy spun her round to face him, she yanked her arm out of his grip.

"Don't touch me."

She couldn't help but wince. Her words were like a steel knife slicing through Tommy and she could see him visibly wince and shake when he registered her words. His face fell and those deep blue eyes turned as dark as midnight when he looked down at her.

"Baby…" His ruby red lips parted and his jaw loosened but he didn't seem to have the right words.

"Who is she?"

"Someone I- just someone I hooked up with a few times, before you. I stopped seeing her the moment you were in my life." His words sounded so sincere that (Y/n) found herself shaking.

"So w-why kiss her?" If he was this serious about (Y/n), why hurt her like this and kiss someone from his past?

"I didn't- she kissed me! Baby I swear I didn't-"

"Get off." She shrunk back when he tried to reach for her again and she was dismayed to find tears already running down her face.

This was supposed to be a good night. They were supposed to have fun with his friends and then tomorrow she would give him the present and tell him their news. Tommy wasn't supposed to do this. His ex wasn't supposed to be hanging around and just happen to turn up and kiss him right now. And what if he wanted her to? What if he saw her and thought she was more fun than (Y/n)?

What if he thought it would be better to go back to her and what they had rather than the stability he found himself having with (Y/n)? Maybe settling down wasn't something Tommy wanted after all.

(Y/n) swiped her hands across her cheeks to brush away the tears before she turned away from him.

"Baby where are you going?" The urgency in his tone made (Y/n) want to cave in, but she kept her back to him and tightened her arms around her waist. She felt sick. She could feel her heartbeat throbbing in every blood vessel in her body until she felt like a boom box. It made her feel like she was about to combust.

"I don't know."

"(Y/n) talk to me, don't leave it like this."

He didn't want her to go. He didn't want her thinking all these bad things about him when he truly didn't do anything to hurt her. He didn't kiss Charlie, she came onto him. He wished (Y/n) had come out the toilets a minute earlier and witnessed Charlie latching onto him.

"No. I don't know if I can trust you." She wasn't sure if her words reached his ears or not with her voice so quiet and frail and the music so loud and obnoxious. But she carried on walking until she was running out the bar, aiming straight for her car.

She wasn't going home. She wasn't going to wait for him and argue when he got back and she didn't want to be alone.

***

(Y/n) huffed and opened her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. she scanned around her unfamiliar surroundings, taking in the pale grey curtains that didn't do much to keep the light out the room. The patterned wallpaper on the feature wall near the bedroom door; the tv on the chest of drawers opposite the bed.

Every time she looked around the room, she seemed to find something new, but it wasn't doing anything to take her mind off the fact that these weren't her usual surroundings.

This wasn't home.

There was no bedside table littered with at least three different books, topped off with a pair of reading glasses belonging to Tommy. There was no scent of leather cologne wafting through the air. No blackout curtains, no chair in the corner of the room with a pile of fresh clothes laid out for the next day.

No Tommy laid beside her like a human radiator.

She didn't really want to be here. As much as (Y/n) was grateful to Hen and Karen for letting her stay with them these last two nights, she wanted to go home. (Y/n) wanted to be back in her familiar surroundings, back in her home with Tommy, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to him yet.

He had messaged her, constantly, and tried ringing, but she didn't want to hear his voice. Not when she knew one word from him would break her and have her running back home.

She would talk to him soon.

Twisting onto her side, (Y/n) coiled her knees up to her stomach and supressed a groan by burying her face in the pillow. She didn't feel well. She had barely slept these last two nights, and last night had been worse. (Y/n) wasn't even sure what time it was right now, all she knew was her anxiety had twisted her stomach up into knots and made her feel sick.

Her feet began to fidget and tap against the bed as she shuffled further beneath the cover and bound her arms around her waist. Why did she have to feel unwell right now? She always attached herself to Tommy when she didn't feel great, and there was nothing she wanted more than to wrap herself around him right now.

She tried to switch off her mind and get some more sleep; the light seeping through the curtains told her that it was still early morning. It wasn't time to get up yet and if she did she had no idea what she would do. More time only gave (Y/n) more reasons to panic and worry and think about what she was going to do.

When she felt like she was going to be sick, she hastily pushed up so she was sitting up in bed but it made her head loll back as dizziness overwhelmed her. The air was cold and nipped at her skin when she moved the cover with a groan, but just as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, something caught her eye.

Dread clogged up (Y/n)'s lungs until she felt like she was drowning and she fumbled to turn the bedside lamp on for a better view.

Oh no. She was bleeding.

Blood was painted across the inside of her thighs and her sleep shorts and a small patch was soaked into the bed sheets.

This wasn't good.

Another twinge tore through her stomach, causing (Y/n) to curl her legs beneath her and press one trembling palm against her stomach. She had barely found out about this pregnancy two weeks ago, was she really losing the baby already? She hadn't even told Tommy yet.

All those plans and thoughts of different ways to tell him had all gone out the window now. She was supposed to tell him yesterday. She wanted to give him the present that was still sitting in the boot of her car.

Now something was wrong and she hadn't even told him.

She wanted Tommy.

Her knees coiled up to imbed into her stomach and (Y/n) reached one hand out for her phone while she slouched back into the pillows and curled her free arm around her knees. Tears began to fall from her eyes as her stomach burned with strange cramps that were steadily getting worse.

What was she going to say? What was she going to do? It didn't seem fair to talk to him after two days and tell him something was wrong and she needed help. But what other choice did she have if she wanted Tommy's help?

"Finally!" The deep, exasperated tone in Tommy's voice made (Y/n) shake and she could tell she had woken him up.

Tommy couldn't stop the relief from creeping into his tone while he scrambled to sit up and clear his head. He wasn't sure why she was finally ringing him so early in the morning but Tommy would be damned if he didn't answer the phone. He wanted to talk to her; he was desperate to explain and finally hear her voice and have (Y/n) tell him she wasn't going to avoid him any longer. Two days had felt like two years for Tommy.

"Are you okay? Baby I kept calling, we need to talk, I need to see you-"

"Tommy, please…"

A shudder tore down Tommy's spine and he stopped his rambling immediately. Why was she crying? Where was she? It was five in the morning, what had happened for her to be crying and calling him now?

As much as Tommy hoped (Y/n) had missed him, he very much doubted that she was crying because she wanted to see him. It had to be something complicated and more serious than simply wanting to see him.

"Baby what's the matter?" He tried to void the apprehension from his voice as he sat up on the side of the bed and swung his legs over the side.

Whatever was going on, he was awake now and he wasn't about to go back to sleep after this call.

"Please, c-can you come get me?" She felt stupid. She felt silly and weak and pathetic and horrible for finally calling him but not to apologise or ask to talk. She was asking for help after she was the one who walked away from him and didn't go back to their shared home. (Y/n) was the one avoiding Tommy and yet here she was asking for help.

"You know I will, where are you baby? Are you hurt?" Tommy would gladly go and get here, wherever she was, whatever she was doing, he would come and get her.

The break in her voice made his heart shatter and he stumbled off the bed, trying to pin his phone to his ear while he fumbled to find some clothes and get changed.

"Staying w…with Hen- oh, Tommy I don't feel good, please-"

"I'm on my way, okay? I'm coming to get you right now."

In the midst of the panic, Tommy didn't ask what the problem was or what was happening. He started to think once he was dressed and in the car, going over the limit to get to his friend's house as fast as possible. He didn't know why she didn't feel well. She could have hurt herself; she could have fallen or been sick or have some kind of infection or internal injury.

And Tommy didn't even question it. He ran his hand up and down his jaw and carded his fingers through his hair that he knew would be all over the place by now. He hadn't taken the time to brush his hair, put socks on his feet or head to the bathroom.

He stumbled into a pair of jeans and the closest shirt he could find, got into his shoes and climbed in the car. He moved as swiftly as possible so he could get to (Y/n). It had been a while since he had been to Hen and Karen's place; he met them for lunch sometimes and went out for drinks, but he didn't usually visit their place.

He pulled up on the curb and scrambled out the car, moving as fast as his numb legs would go up the path towards Hen's house.

He tried not to knock too loudly and only pressed the bell once, he didn't want to wake Denny and cause a panic. But he also didn't want to be stood out on the front if they were asleep and didn't know that something was wrong with (Y/n). He had to get inside and see her, he had to know what was going on.

His weight shifted from foot to foot, apprehension rolling off of him as he tried his best not to become impatient, but he could hear the clock ticking away in the back of his mind. Counting how long it was taking for someone to get to him. He had to see (Y/n).

His hand rose up, about to knock on the door again until the locks finally twisted and the door opened up. He could see Hen was neither happy nor bright to see him, she had one brow rose, her glasses skewed on her nose and she leaned most of her weight on the door. He had woken her up, just as he expected he would.

"Kinard, what are you doing at my house at… half five in the morning?" Hen glanced down at her phone in her hand before she shook her head at her friend.

She had been expecting him to turn up yesterday since (Y/n) had been staying with them, but she didn't expect him so early in the morning. She didn't even know if Tommy knew that (Y/n) was here. Hen was under the impression he didn't know because he hadn't messaged her to ask about (Y/n) or if she would talk to her for him. Clearly he knew.

"(Y/n) called me, something's wrong I need to see her. Where is she?"

Confusion pooled in Hen's eyes as she glanced over her shoulder before she looked back at Tommy. The panic in his eyes told her he wasn't just saying that to get inside and see (Y/n), something clearly wasn't right. But she would of thought (Y/n) would of woken her or Karen to say there was some kind of problem or that something was wrong.

"In the spare room, come in." She motioned her arm towards him and beckoned him inside.

Tommy followed nervously after Hen, letting her guide him down the hall and towards the spare room on the left. She knocked lightly on the door, uttering (Y/n)'s name but before she got the door open, Tommy was already weaving in front of her to peer inside.

Terror flooded Tommy's veins when his eyes locked on his partner, and he didn't like what he saw. (Y/n), sat in the middle of the bed, her whole body trembling, tears streaked down her face. Her hands were scraping furiously up and down her thighs in a nervous manner but it was the blood coating her inner thighs and the rather substancial amount soaked into the sheets that made Tommy's nose crinkle.

"Oh Christ, baby what happened?!"

He slammed down on his knees beside the bed, watching in fright as (Y/n) shakily turned her head to look down at him. He didn't like the way her hand moved to press down into her abdomen and the agony was clearly written across her face, making him swallow down a groan.

"God, (Y/n)…" Hen wasn't too sure what to say or what was happening but she didn't step any closer when (Y/n) shook her head. She only wanted Tommy; that was why she had called him.

Tommy curled one hand around her lower leg while his other hand moved to gently take her wrist. His fingers pressed over her pulse point so he could count the beats that were flying high as (Y/n) was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Baby, talk to me."

"I'm pregnant."

Or I was. Probably not anymore.

Tommy couldn't stop the panic from flooding his system, or the tears that he furiously pushed down. He couldn't lose his nerve now, not when (Y/n) needed him and she was the one practically going into shock right now.

He looked over his shoulder at Hen but when he saw her get her phone out, he shook his head. It would be easier and quicker for him to take (Y/n) to the hospital than hang around waiting for an ambulance and he knew she would be calmer if he took her.

Pregnant.

She never said. How long had she known about this? Why hadn't she said anything? Had their argument the other night had anything to do with what was happening now? Tommy would never forgive himself if that was the truth.

"Okay… let's go get you checked out." Tommy looked around the room until he saw (Y/n)'s bag on the floor at the end of the bed. He rummaged through and found her jacket, biting down on his lower lip when he picked it up and realised it was actually his jacket.

He helped her slip it on and he pulled it tight around her chest before he stood up, moving his hands to her elbows.

He didn't like the way her legs trembled when she stood up but the way she fisted his shirt in her hands and pressed her face deep into his chest made him feel a little better. She was clinging to him rather than pushing him away. He wanted to look after her and comfort her, Tommy didn't know what he would do if she pushed him away like she had done the other night at the bar. He couldn't bear to have her do that again.

Tommy managed a tight smile in Hen's direction when she pushed the door open and hovered nearby in case they needed any help. He was rather surprised but still relieved when (Y/n) stayed tucked into his chest as they walked down the hall, only pausing so she could shimmy into her shoes before they headed out to the car.

"Call me when you have news."

Once (Y/n) was in the car, Tommy patted Hen's shoulder and nodded, murmuring a quiet "Thanks," before he climbed in the car.

Somehow, he didn't think the news they were going to receive was going to be anything good.

***

(Y/n) slowly raked her hands up and down her thighs, creating small creases and jagged lines in her skin where her nails started to scratch and dig in. It almost felt strange, looking down at her thighs that were no longer caked in blood. She wasn't sure why there had been so much blood, it didn't stop until the nurse gave her an injection.

She wondered if she didn't have the injection, whether all the pints would just drain out of her body like a broken tap.

It didn't register for a few moments that tears were once again flushing her face until she felt Tommy's thumb swiping across her cheek to brush them away.

"I was g-gonna tell you, I h… I had a plan," She couldn't bring herself to look up at Tommy as she spoke, but she felt like she had to say something. That she had to make sure he knew she had planned it all out, well, except for what happened this morning.

She hadn't planned on losing the baby.

"It's okay." He didn't want (Y/n) thinking she had to explain, she didn't have to say anything. Tommy knew she would of told him at some point, whether it would have been yesterday, next week or even next month. He just wished he could have changed what happened.

Maybe if they didn't argue, this wouldn't of happened. Maybe he would of found out earlier. Perhaps this would of happened at home, where (Y/n) would have been with Tommy from the start and he could have done more for her and looked after her better. Instead of things turning out like this.

When Tommy curved his hand round to cup the back of her head, (Y/n) paused, waiting for his next movements. She felt his fingers tangling in her hair and brushing across her neck but when his lips pressed to her temple, the dam broke. Tears cascaded down her face again and she pushed forward until her face was smothered in his chest and both arms were wrapped around his broad chest.

"The other night, I was trying to get her to leave, I wasn't cosying up to her. I promise that you can trust me, baby, always." He wasn't sure now was the time, but Tommy had to get it off his chest before it ate away at him.

He couldn't stand the thought of (Y/n) thinking ill of him; thinking that he didn't love her enough to stay faithful. He had to make sure (Y/n) knew that Charlie- or any other girl for that matter- meant nothing to him, (Y/n) was the only girl he thought about, loved and could ever see himself with.

The thought of her thinking she couldn't trust him made Tommy's heart shatter. She could always trust him, and he would do what he could to make her see that.

"I trust you." Her response was muffled through his shirt, but Tommy heard her.

(Y/n) knew she could trust him. He came straight away when she called, he came and looked after her and brought her here and he hadn't left her side for a single second. All the messages and calls he tried to make to her proved that he was desperate to talk to her, to explain, and (Y/n) knew he wouldn't be doing that if he wanted to be with someone else or if he had gone around kissing another woman. He wasn't guilty, he was desperate; desperate for her to see the truth.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He murmured quietly into her hair, trying to stop his voice from breaking.

"I lost them."

She hadn't known for very long. (Y/n) somehow felt cheated. She felt like she had been told she was going to win something, only to find out she was nowhere near winning. A baby had been held out towards her and then snatched away before she got the chance to have them.

It felt like she had jinxed things by buying something to tell Tommy in a special way, like the universe thought she didn't deserve this and took that fate away from her.

"It happens, sweetheart. It's gonna be okay, I've got you." He peppered hundreds of kisses to the top of her head while he unconsciously started to sway them from left to right on the bed. He could feel (Y/n)'s hands tightening in his back and her nails were starting to scratch into his skin, but he simply held her tighter.

He would hold her until she told him to let go, and if she didn't, he would hold onto her until the world ended.

He tilted his head down to look at her when (Y/n) turned her head and smothered her cheek into his chest. She took a few deep breaths before she tried to look up at him through those long lashes that were still shedding tears, even if she wasn't hyperventilating anymore.

"I wanna go back home, with you." She didn't want to be here any longer, she just wanted to go to their home and curl up in bed. She wanted to be bundled under the covers with Tommy wrapped around her like a securing, weighted blanket. (Y/n) wanted to feel his face tucked into the crook of her neck, his arms around her waist and his chest pushing down on her like he was trying to merge them into one being.

She wanted to be back home with Tommy, where she belonged.

When she tipped her head back to see him properly, she found a tender look playing on his lips. He dove down and pressed a soft, wet kiss to her lips while his hand began to glide up and down her waist.

"As soon as they discharge you, I'll take you home, baby. I promise."

#imagine #911 imagine #pregnant! reader #tommy x reader #tommy kinard #tommy kinard imagine #tommy kinard 911 #tommy kinard x reader

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rinhaler · 1 year ago

Text

You Deserve Roses and You Know This

✧˖*°࿐ : 18+ only, no minors. ✧. ┊ ex!Toji Fushiguro x f!reader

Genre: Smut & Angst Notes: reposting from my old account! Warnings: 18+, dubcon, vaginal sex, fingering, oral (f receiving), nipple play, dacryphilia, pregnancy, abortion ideation, miscarriage, depression, adultery, breeding, creampie ♡, smoking mention. Words: 4.1k

“Is it true? Did talking to Megumi make you cry today?” Toji asks you, peeling down your bra strap before sensually decorating your exposed shoulder in delicate kisses.

He didn’t notice, but as soon as the question left his tongue you had instinctively become dead behind the eyes. It was true. You’re an adult, and yet you were brought to tears by his seven-year-old son. It wasn’t that he said anything callous, quite the opposite, really. Earlier that day, Megumi had been sitting playing in your front room. You were babysitting, as you often did, while Toji and his wife were working. Your eyes hold shut as you remember his wife; his beautiful and kind wife while he continues littering your skin in adoration. You shouldn’t be doing this, but you can’t stop now.

Green sparkling eyes looked up from innocent children’s toys to pose you a question – “Why do you hate me?” he asked, genuinely. It was like a knife through your chest. You didn’t hate him. You could never hate him, Toji being partly responsible for his existence is enough reason to adore him with everything you have.

You just wish he was yours.

Toji is patient when he gets his time with you. It’s rare, after all, and he wants to make the most of it. Two large palms settle on your breasts, the straps are down but your bra is still firmly in place. He massages your flesh over the material, lips traversing the expanse of your body until he reaches your pulse point. He licks, slowly, hot eager breath contrasting your own temperature and making you shudder. This, he notices, pulling your back even closer into his chest. His left hand slowly yet forcefully moves up and down your adjacent arm, desperate to dispel the goosebumps that have formed on your skin. He suckles and licks on your ear lobe before nibbling it softly between his teeth. His breathing changes, his mouth level with your ear, he’s going to speak.

“Baby… what were you talking about?” he sighs, an even more chill inducing breath warms the shell of your ear. He pecks against it, the sound of tactile lips puckering slithers directly through your ear canal. You moan, unintentionally, and back further into your temporary lover. He holds your breasts once more; stabilising you, if only a little, as you begin to grind your core against his crotch.

“I- I can’t, Toji—��

Your attention is fixated on him as his hand encases half of your face and turns you to face him. But you both find yourselves closing your eyes as he places a kiss against your lips. It’s slow, yet heated, and you feel him smile into you when he hears you moan into his mouth pathetically. You’re well and truly at his mercy, though you aren’t embarrassed. How else should one act and behave around the love of their life?

“You can and you will,” he explains, biting your lip as he parts from the kiss. A singular string of saliva keeps you connected for a second before snapping. “you can’t have secrets with my son darlin’, you just can’t. So tell me, what were you talkin’ to him about?”

You gulp, nerves overcoming you like never before. Your eyes flutter shut yet again as he diverts his attention from your eyes to your body. The skin behind your ear is the next subject of his eroticism. And yet, he has the gall to chastise you for enjoying it. With one more repetition of tell me you realise you can’t stall anymore. Out of options. And you can’t lie.

“R-Rocco, ah—!”

“How does Megumi know about Rocco?”

“I- I told… him…”

He hikes your leg up so that you’re sitting on his lap like a little girl. The kissing has stopped and the touches have halted. Toji isn’t patient except with you. He’s never looked as furious as he does now, with you. Brows scrunched and the glimmer in his eye you love so much has ceased to exist. His scar looks as raw as it did the day he got it. A non-existent armour made you believe he wouldn’t mind you talking to his son about such a sensitive subject matter, but apparently it is not to be discussed under any terms.

“Don’t you ever talk to my son about Rocco again. D’ya hear me? Never.” he forbids, his eyes seem to soften ever so slightly when he spots that you can’t prevent the way your lip begins to wobble. “If you really wanna talk about Rocco, talk to me. Yeah? No one else, just me.”

“Y-You don’t let me—” you start, your thought isn’t completed. Thoughts are rattled from your mind as he begins manoeuvring you so that your back is flat against the mattress, jade green eyes boring into your very soul as he hovers above you. His arms dip behind your back, finally unhooking your bra and baring your chest to him.

Beautiful, he thinks.

“I’m letting you now.” he explains, his head resting on your chest, looking up with intent behind his salacious stare. He latches onto one of your protruding nipples, taking it between his cracked lips. He sucks and pecks, and it’s almost lazy, but you know it’s with purpose. It’s driving you wild, you can’t help but wriggle helplessly beneath him, desperate to gain some relief on your eager heat.

He pins one of your legs down, stopping you from continuing your movements. It’s torture, you think, he’s expecting you to broach such a heavy subject matter while you’re so desperate for his touch.

“C’mon sweetheart… talk about Rocco,” he commands. You can’t. Tears stream down your face as you do your best to experience Toji whilst thinking back to the past. Your mind spins and you feel as if you can’t breathe. He releases your nipple with an accentuated pop as he smirks up at you. “I remember how scared you were to tell me… when you realised—”

“Fuck, Toji.” you croon, a mischievous finger slithered down your abdomen down the length of your clothed slit. Feather light touches against your clit and your entrance forced your hips to buck upwards carelessly. He snickered, repeating the action again and again. “I- I remember.” you stutter.

You’d only been dating for thirteen weeks. He was yours before his wife entered the fray, before you had to battle for his time and attention. Nerves got the better of you, the thought of admitting to yourself what you already knew made you nauseous beyond any description.

Your period was late.

It was something you didn’t want to acknowledge, let alone inform Toji of. It had been so little time since you began dating. You thought he’d leave you, run away and never look back. So, there was only one thing for it. An abortion. You couldn’t keep the baby if you wanted to keep him. It was your only option. You were stressed, manic, exhausted. But at least you’d have Toji – that was all you cared about.

“You were so scared to tell me, weren’t ya?” he asks, hooking a finger beneath your panties before settling it in your inner thigh crease. He plunges a finger inside of you, chuckling when more obscenities fly from your mouth as your head falls backwards into the plush pillows. One of your hand grips the sheets below, whilst your other almost tears his hair from the roots. So little attention, and yet such a big reaction from you. “Thought so little of me, baby, ‘m sorry.” he finishes, adding a second finger to your scorching heat. It's almost as if the air in your lungs has frozen, weighing you down. It’s preventing you from speaking. From breathing. Even thinking.

It was confirmed when you finally took the plunge and decided to do a pregnancy test. Big, black, bold text told you the answer and where your future was heading. Motherhood, for certain. But you knew you had to take care of it before Toji became suspicious. It was something you didn’t even want him to know you were going through. Everything with him was perfect, it wasn’t something you wanted to ruin over something you believed could be easily taken care of.

So… why were you crying every day?

That’s what he asked you. You hadn’t been yourself, and that is what gave you away. Jokes he told that you found funny didn’t seem so funny anymore. The way he traced his fingers up and down your arms made you defensive, and paranoid. You didn’t want him to touch you in case he somehow sensed it in his fingertips. If he felt you he might just know that you’re carrying his child and he’ll skip out on you.

It all came to a head one day after you finished throwing up. You couldn’t keep your cries silent. Your body was betraying you, you felt hurt in ways you never had before and it was becoming impossible to keep it all to yourself. You didn’t dare tell a soul for fear of Toji finding out through the grapevine. But enough was enough, he thought.

“You need to tell me what’s going on with you.” he told you, but you shook your head.

“I can’t Toji, please. Trust me, I can’t.” you explained, “It’s fine… I will ruin everything if I tell you so… so I’m… I’m taking care of it—”

“Cut that shit out right now. This has been going on a fuckin’ while and I can’t stand to see you like this,” he responded, moving his head as you moved yours. You were trying to avoid his piercing glare, but he wouldn’t let you. He couldn’t. He’d never of forgiven himself if you carried on like that, unable to share your woes, and did something you might regret. “Trust me, I’m beggin’ you to trust me, baby.”

He forced you to sit down, and face him. He wiped away your tears with his thumbs and kept all of his attention focused on you as he watched you calm yourself down. Tear filled breaths that clogged your lungs fizzled into shaky exhales the longer you held eye contact with Toji. He wasn’t going anywhere, for now. If you explain you can tell him your plans. Maybe he’d support you if he knew you planned on freeing you both of the burden of parenthood, you hoped.

“I… I’m, uh—”

“Yeah? C’mon sweetheart, doin’ so good f’me just use your words.” he spoke, doing his best to tempt the truth out of you. With one final swallow of terror and closing your eyes for a moment to think, you finally found the courage to confess.

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out quickly. “but it’s okay I’m gonna get rid of it. Okay?” you fumbled out words quicker than you could think. You just wanted him to know that there was no way you’d be keeping the baby. He was what you needed, not a kid. “Please, I promise I’m going to get rid of it, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. D-Don’t leave me, p-please. You are more important to me than a baby, I just want you. I—”

Your rambling was stifled as Toji pressed a finger to your lips. He kissed you on your forehead, a warm smile filled his features. Instantly, you were relived. It meant that your idea of an abortion was enough to convince him to stand by you. There was no reason to worry yourself sick like that, he was going to support you through it all.

“You don’t have to get rid of our baby,” he smiled.

“W-What?”

“In fact, I don’t want you to do that at all.” he warmly spoke, pulling your body into his and forcing his head between the valley of your breasts. It wasn’t sexual, it was just a comfort to him to hear your heartbeat. “Maybe… we could start our own little family, huh?”

Tears roll down your eyes as you reminisce on it all whilst Toji adds his flat tongue to the equation of his fingers in your cunt. It’s all so romantic and wonderful and intense. You don’t think you’ve ever been happier than you were in that moment. The moment you knew he really would stand by you through anything at all. And despite your assumption, he was excited to become a father. He was excited to have a baby with you.

“I love you, Toji.” you speak, softly, unsure if it was even loud enough for him to hear. Oh, but he did. He doesn’t want to stop lapping at your swollen clit, knowing it’s exactly where you need the most attention right now. But a particularly harsh suckle and pop of the bead is a silent acknowledgement, he promises he heard you. “Gonna… gonna cum. T-Toji—”

“No no, baby, not yet,” he instructs. He removes his fingers from your hole, delicately rubbing them over your sensitive bundle of nerves instead. It’s slow and tormenting, but he doesn’t want you to cum like this. “I was so happy when we found out we were havin’ a little boy, y’know? So damn happy princess.”

You remember it well. Your emotions were running high and you had the ability to blame your hormones when you discovered the gender of your unborn child. But you couldn’t quite believe it when you looked over to see Toji’s eyes, eyes that are normally so strict and stern, glossy with tears on his lash line. He couldn’t help it, he claimed.

“Look what we made.” he pointed, the scan revealing perfectly what a handsome little boy you’d made together.

And later that day, he took you shopping. Money was no object. That is what you both decided. Neither of you could believe how much stuff you ended up buying. Paints for the nursery. A crib. Other necessary pieces of furniture. Toys. Clothes. Everything you thought you needed, you bought. You were both first time parents and completely clueless. So, if a shop assistant recommended it, you bought it.

You spent so much time together painting the walls of your baby’s new room. Toji was very irritable when you kept asking what to do and how to help. The paint wasn't going on as nicely as he hoped and his temper flared, it was extremely evident in his face. What do you do when you see an angry bear? Poke it with a stick. Or in this case, flick paint from the end of your brush at him. When he noticed what you had done and he turned to face you, you swear you could read murder on his mind. But when you began to laugh, he couldn’t help the laugh that snuck out of him.

There was more paint on the two of you than on the walls by the end of it.

“That was the day we decided to call him Rocco…” Toji mused.

He began to kiss up towards your naval and back to your neck. Your fingers laced through his hair as you begged for him to deliver the same salvation he was offering your body to your lips as well. He complied, slow patience had dwindled as your tongues found each other. It was wet, heated, sloppy. You felt yourself drooling out of the corners of your mouth, Toji Fushiguro is just so intoxicating. A drug you can’t quit though you know you should.

He’s all you have.

He doesn’t break the kiss from you, though his hand eventually meets his heavy, wanting cock. He guides it to your desperate entrance, lining it up perfectly before slotting himself inside. His hips roll, bullying his cock into you inch by agonising inch until your lip begins to quiver. He hushes you, though.

You both know you want it.

“I’m s-so – fuck – I’m so sorry, baby. I am so—”

“P-Please, pleaaaase stop.” you beg. He doesn’t. You are the one who wanted to talk about it. So desperate to talk about it that you went to a seven-year-old boy to discuss it. His son. “N-No more, I can’t—”

“It was the worst day of my life, too, I promise you that darlin’.” he mumbles in your ear. The thrum of his words rushes straight to your cunt, and you clench so hard around his cock you think he might have to stay there forever.

You don’t think you’ve ever been as embarrassed as you were when you came home from the hospital. Your pristine white maxi dress, stained in bright red blood by your crotch. The atmosphere in your house was foul. Two solemn adults who had lost everything in a few menial hours. Hollowness filled you, not a single emotion ran through you until you heard Toji a few rooms away. You sat on the sofa, turned on the TV and pretended it wasn’t happening. But you could hear Toji loud and clear.

He was in the nursery.

That was the first and only time you’ve ever heard him cry. A loud thud vibrated through you and you knew he had collapsed to the ground. Melancholy overtook him as his new reality was setting in. Your little boy was no more. No fault of your own, apparently, everyone made sure to repeat that enough times for it to really take root in the depths of your brain.

It didn’t help at all.

You couldn’t bring yourself to check on Toji. That would mean going into Rocco’s room and facing the truth yourself. So, you waited. You waited hours for him to finally come out. He came to see you, resting on the balls of his feet in front of the sofa where you sat. Fresh tears replaced old ones as he noticed the drying blood on your dress.

“H-How about a bath, huh?” he suggested.

You don’t remember saying yes, or nodding. But somehow, you found yourself naked and submerged in a bubble bath. It was like you had left your own body as he did his best to clean you. You could hear him sniffling. He was desperate to talk about it with you, all he wanted was for you to help each other cope. But you couldn’t. So, he did his best to lock it away too.

It was as if you had returned to yourself when Toji took a break from washing your hair to wipe more tears from his eyes. A soft mumbling of ‘Oh, Godddddd…’ trailed from his lips as he tried to pull himself together. And finally, your lip began to jut out helplessly. Your eyes scrunched, and the tears began to flow. You were staring at your bloody dress, and listening to him try and hold it together. It was all equating to too much.

It was real, now.

“Our… baby—” you cut yourself off with a wail, Toji pulled you into his hold and sobbed into your sodden locks.

He hissed with each thrust inside of your gummy walls. A perfect home for him in the form of your bodies fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces. He doesn’t feel like this with his wife, only you. He couldn’t stay away, he’d never be able to do that.

He loves you.

Fuck, he loves you.

“’m not good enough… I’ve never been—”

“Stop it, baby. You are enough, I promise.” he tells you through gritted teeth. It’s getting harder and harder to have a normal conversation while he is fucking you so intimately. Every ounce of his love poured into every devastating thrust.

He loves you.

“Wasn’t good enough for you, or our- our baby.”

“Stop it darlin’. Please stop. I- I need—”

“I can’t live like this-!” you cry out. His hand covers your mouth entirely as his mind tries to process what he needs to say to you. Christ. What does he need to say to you? Everything and nothing all at once. He thinks he should start with I love you. But is he prepared to open that can of worms?

“I need… you. I’m gonna leave her, yeah? My wife. Let’s… try again. Me and you, hah? I won’t pull out this time, let me… let me—”

“Tojiiiii—”

“You’re good enough, baby, more than good enough. I’ll cum inside and we can try again. I need to, I need to.”

Your tears stream endlessly but silently. Is this really what you want? Do you want him to break up his family to satiate your unfulfilled desires? It doesn’t matter. You find yourself nodding anyway. Perhaps it will dull the ache inside of you. It could be the plaster to cover to puncture wound in your aching heart; it’s been bleeding since that day.

Toes begin to curl as he continuously batters the spongy centre that spells your eventual undoing with his fat cock head. He isn’t doing much better. Nobody and nothing will compare to the rush and the high he feels as when your precious cunt swallows him again and again.

“Gonna- cum, with me. Please, baby. Cum with me now.” Toji pants.

Your lips are on his again, both of you focusing on your impending climaxes. The way you break away to moan momentarily before smothering each other in kisses yet again is such a lewd, romantic, high that you can’t get enough of. He pounds you perfectly and it’s an arrangement neither of you have been able to let go of after all of these years.

“Oh God, I’m cumming- cumming baby…” he alerts you. You’re practically choking on your own orgasm as it swims through you. Nails dig into his back as you try and hold onto the feeling for as long as you can. He fills you with his warmth, heaving like a desperate animal while he breeds you to the brim.

What have you done?

Time wasn’t a healer for either of you. The days got harder and harder and you couldn’t even stomach looking at him. Each time you looked at him, you saw what could have been. What should have been. The father of your son. The man who was going to teach him everything he knew and help your little boy cause all kinds of mischief for you.

The man you thought could keep you both safe.

That’s how he found himself married to a woman he would never love as much as he loved you. There was a drift, it was aggressive and painful, yet necessary. But you found yourself brought back together a few years after Megumi was born. You were practically an aunt to his son. A second mother, even. A sordid little secret.

You don’t hate Megumi, you just wish he was yours.

The pair of you got changed after he had his post fuck cigarette, knowing you couldn’t risk dallying for fear of being caught. You didn’t doubt for a minute that if you called him in a few weeks and told him you were carrying his child, he’d kidnap Megumi and run away with you to start your new family life together. And you would love that, you’d love him. You’d love it all.

But, it isn’t right. Is it?

He grabs his car keys, readying himself to drive you home to be alone with your dark thoughts. Before you step outside, though, something plagues your mind. A question that you simply must know the answer to. He looks scared, honestly. The way you’re facing him and eyeing him up as the same words twist and circle through your mind. A heavy hand rests on your waist, the other on your cheek. He’s scared, it’s obvious, but he’s still encouraging you to talk.

“Do you ever think about Rocco?” you ask him, genuinely curious. Toji has never felt the need to bring him up, this is the first you’ve discussed him in years. It kills you to think that Toji has managed to shut out thoughts of his unborn son while you are plagued with them each and every waking moment of your pointless life.

And there it is. That warm, kind smile, that is the Toji you know and love.

“All of the time.”

Four simple words have you breaking down like you did that day in the bathtub. Your head is pulled into his chest as he holds you close and tightly, allowing you to bawl every emotion onto him. You can’t control yourself and you don’t want to stop. It’s fine, he thinks. It’s clear that you need it. At least you know something today that you didn’t know yesterday. One piece of information that might take some of the burden off your own shoulders.

At least you know you aren’t alone.

this is a repost from my old account

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merlinssassybeard · 2 years ago

Text

'Ex' husband Gojo - You and I

Part 1

Tags- Gojo x fem reader, angst, self depreciation/suicidal stuff, miscarriage centered chapter

Synopsis- a look at both of their POVs, the aftermath a month later.

Satoru is devastated but so are you but worse...

22nd October, 2016...

22nd October of 2016 was when it happened. The Legal Separation between you and Satoru Gojo.

Fortunately or not but the whole fiasco never went outside the borders of The Gojo Estate, despite it involving a few 'third parties'.

Luckily, the servants of the house were on a week off or else by now you and Satoru would have become the new gossip of the town no doubt.

Mr Ijichi, an assistant director at the Jujutsu High and a very close and trusted accomplice of your husband... or ex husband, you can't decide.

He is probably the only person who knows about it, not in detail of course since Satoru is very specific on who he wants to be close with but yes, you suspect Mr Ijichi is a bit aware of what went down because he was the one driving the car on that day.

You also suspected at first that maybe Ms Shoko is also in light of the events because she is definitely someone who gets her information one way or the other and the fact Satoru might have... no! He has infact told Shoko about all of it.

When Satoru introduced you to the World of Jujutsu Society, Ms Shoko was the first he got you to meet with and since you have had good relationship with her.

Since your legal separation happened, Shoko and Ijichi have been a mediator, set up by Gojo, for communication since, you know it and so does everybody who knows Gojo Satoru, he's too prideful to go back wagging his tail where he's not needed. Or so he thinks.

Satoru thinks because of his work schedules, he is not able to spend time with you as your husband and not able give you the life you hoped for which definitely affected your mental health (as predicted by his six eyes) and thus you decided for a divorce.

But the new information that he got on that day from you made him realize maybe he was indeed wrong thinking that you are perhaps different from other women who only fell for the looks but mostly for the money and the status of the Gojo family in general.

He never had plans to marry in the Jujutsu Society or The human World (haha as if!) be it arranged or love. He did not care. He had plans to become the wise Sage or a Monk of wisdom, a teacher/mentor like in video games. But all of it changed when he met you, a simple average human.

You were the one who taught Satoru so much. You were the one made him realize that even the strongest sorcerer has a soft heart that has the capability of falling in love.

But what made him solidify his love, making him realize that yes he has fallen in love and he is glad it is you was when you (unknowing about his past with the incident with Riko and Toji) made him realize the fact that all humans are not same.

This was the last and final straw that made the fall for you really bad and sick. He wanted to marry you. But he never said it out loud because of the repercussions you would have to go through and that is why he protested as well when you brought up the topic of marriage.

But none of it matters

None of it

Not anymore

He is done

All humans are the same.

Greed

Lust

Money

Fame

Power

All humans are indeed the same...

Satoru has no interest in any sort of relationships anymore. Everything feels sour and bitter. All he knows now is his role. His role as the strongest sorcerer, a responsible mentor, as the Head of his Clan, Face of the Jujutsu Society altogether. These are his priorities.

Gojo would very much prefer a permanent sort of freedom from you now knowing your true face.

'Ugh awful, so disgusting. A whore? Really? Is that all you thought of yourself y/n when you voluntarily got physical with me before marriage?', he said to himself in his head.

The only reason Gojo sent Separation papers instead of divorce was because it would startle both of yours and his families. The society isn't kind to divorced women and that too the ex wife of the six eyes sorcerer. Oh what a wonderful way to make him vulnerable for the curses and curse users!

He can say whatever he want against you but somewhere, inside that beautiful big and kind heart of his, he wants to talk to you, talk things out, talk about your feelings and wants to listen. But his mind refuses to let down his walls, ever gain!

Days following the 22nd October, you mostly stayed locked up in your room while Mr Ijichi packed all of your husband's clothing and accessories.

Mr Ijichi isn't stupid, he knew it must be really hard for you that is why he tried his best to enter, collect the things and exit as quietly as he could.

'A whore? Why did you even say that you bitch. You really don't deserve ANYTHING in this world!', your days began with endless self loathing.

5th December, 2016

A lot happened in the month following the incident.

Most of your days were spent in self loathing because after your miscarriage at just 3 months, the doctor had declared that you're (uterus) not strong enough to carry a child.

These words are something a woman is most scared to ever hear in her life. And you were one of the unfortunates.

You had stopped taking your post miscarriage medications. You're mental health got worse as well due to continuous thoughts on how you acted up on impulses and ruined the only good thing you had. Days followed you couldn't even get the strength to get up from the bed every morning. Fading appetite lead to refusing food which further resulted to visible sunken cheeks.

The house staff didn't knew anything that took place during their week off and they had noticed changes around the household. From your behavior to the absence of the Head of the house. They were also worried for your health and didn't knew what to do.

The head of staff, Mr Kawaguchi, decided to make a call to the Master of the house since it is normal for him to be absent from the house due to his work.

Kawaguchi- Good morning Satoru sama. This is Kawaguchi from the house.

Gojo (a little annoyed)- I'm busy, call me later.

Kawaguchi- Sir actually there's a grave problem at the house.

Gojo (mockingly)- what? Did someone die or something? This better be important-

Kawaguchi- sir its Y/n sama. Y/n sama is not in good health.

Gojo (worried)- w- what?! What're you stupids doing? What happened to y/n? Is she okay? What did the doctors say?

Kawaguchi- uh about that sir... y/n sama didn't let us into her room and actually we had to... (nervously looks back at the the other staff, everyone nods)

Gojo- huh?

Kawaguchi- sir, we had to break into y/n sama's room. We have called the doctors and they'll-

Gojo- break into the room!? What is hap- Nevermind, I'm sending someone. You lot stay there and look after y/n till the docs arrive!

Kawaguchi- y- yes sir!

Gojo was now left worried at what the hell did he just hear on the call. 'What are you upto now y/n'. Is this some trick to bring him back out of pity and pretend nothing happened? That you, a month ago, didn't just randomly demand for a Divorce.

He was really annoyed and even if he wanted to go to the house he couldn't due to being out abroad for missions. He has been busy with overseas missions mostly after the separation.

He decided to send Shoko for a look and to inform him 'EVERY SINGLE DETAIL', verbatim.

Shoko was sitting at the morgue, smoking, when she received a call from Gojo.

'Ha? Gojo? At this hour?', she wondered.

"Yea?", Shoko said with her usual nonchalant voice.

"I need a favor"

Gojo explained her the situation to which she agreed without hesitant, knowing what has been going on between you two and now this.

When she arrived at the Gojo Estate, she was welcomed by the worried faces of the staff that guided her to your room.

She started observing every detail. She saw the entrance door, broken. The inside of the master bedroom, dim, even with long sliding doors facing the beautiful and bright gardens. There were half eaten bowls of food. A trolley with clothes overflowing.

Shoko turned to looked at you and felt her heart wrench a little at the sight of you. She was horrified and worried. She is usually a very calm and relaxed person but you, you really made her loose her calm.

She knows you and has seen you in your good days. In light yellow summer dress beside Gojo, all smiles to now? Like this. Dark circles umder eyes and slight sunken cheeks, chipped lips and several medications.... wait what medications?

There were already a doctor present in the room who declared that its just dehydration and that it'll be okay with a few medicines.

The servants thanked the doctor and ordered the medicines.

Meanwhile, Shoko was already in a shock. The medicines piled up beside you on the bed and the bedside table were... post miscarriage pills. She enquired the whole situation from the staff.

All while, the two women staff got you up in the bed and gave you water.

Eyes half open, you recognised what was happening. You passed out of dehydration and couldn't hear the knocks of the servants outside for breakfast. They were worried and tried the other doors, through the garden, but they were locked. So they broke the entrance and found still in the bed with pills surrounding you. They all got worried and one called the doctor and the head called Gojo.

Shoko noticed you were up and ordered the ladies to open the curtains and windows and leave her for a while. Afterall she's got some questioning to do in Gojo's behalf.

She extended her hand to hold your left hand. It seemed cold to touch. "Hello y/n. Remember me?"

You struggled to open your eyes and look.

"Don't worry i won't ask you how you're doing", she joked.

"But i will ask about the medications y/n. Do not lie. I'm a doctor too", Shoko knew now is not the time but she also knew that if you were pregnant then why didn't you tell Gojo because he obviously didn't know.

Your ears started ringing. And eyes welled up. You were reminded of it again. You wanted to just lay back down and bury yourself in the warmth of the blankets.

But the cat was out of the bag. Shoko is a doctor. She knows medicines. You cannot lie. You cannot hide. You have to be strong, you have to show her that everything is okay and Satoru needn't be worried, not like as if he is anyway.

"Please.", you mumbled, she had leaned in and caressed your knuckles. "Shoko, do not let anyone know of this, i beg of you."

"Shhh", she shushed you, "Don't say that. I won't. I promise"

She continued, "... but what about Satoru? You can't hide it from him. The child was his as much as it was yours-"

You cut her in, "Shoko i wanted to tell him! I wanted him and only HIM to be the first to get the news of the...", you struggled but continued, "...of the pregnancy. I got to know myself in the 2nd month and he was coming back home just next month, it was all perfectly going... until it wasn't".

Shoko was visibly upset. She didn't knew what to say. All she was aware of was the things Gojo told her...

He went home with gifts and souvenirs for you, you gave him divorce papers, he tried convince you not to, you weren't ready to listen, you said some hurtful things, he realised his place and agreed for separation over divorce.

Looking at you she can tell you would breakdown any moment.

And she was right.

You did.

You broke down in tears.

Hyperventilating you mumbled, "Shoko they said i can't have children! Can you believe that! I can't have kids! And I'm so stupid i brought out a f-fucking Divorce paper when Satoru came home."

"He was so angry with me i could feel it even if he wasn't! I'm stuck Shoko! I-i just - just want to go hide under a rock or maybe i should just kill mys-"

Shoko pulled you in for a hug. "Ah! Thats enough. That's enough. Shush now. Its okay."

"I won't tell Satoru, don't worry"

Series masterlist

Tags:

@autumn-slaves @wondermilka @hh0pe @chayunwoo @Enaaneaen @sweet-almonds @sindela @dazai-gojo-kinnie @whats-humanity-lol @thewickedofrizz @phantasmia @ghostllyyz @yihona-san06 @aesonsgirl @direwolf-5 @fairyyxsp @puroganggang @altyx @dianagracesworld @hermitkerm @leonesimp @minnerra @whitelittlebunny @letharue

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lucysarah-c · 6 months ago

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Headcanons masterlist part 2

-> Is Levi a regular smoker?

-> Levi's reaction to his partner's mother being a sexual worker

-> Levi's s/o suffering from asthma

-> Arguing with Levi

-> Levi's s/o treating him badly because she's on her period

-> Levi with a pregnant s/o

-> Is Levi good at cooking?

-> Levi's sexist thoughts?

-> Levi's s/o enjoying tacking him

-> Levi's s/o being a titan shifter

-> Levi overhearing y/n confess her feeling for him

-> Levi's reaction to his s/o using the safeword NSFWish

-> Levi tracking his s/o cycle

-> S/o drunkly confessing her feelings for Levi

-> Levi's reaction to someone who loves him romantically

-> Levi's S/o giving him a boudoir album

-> Levi arround his s/o siblings

-> Levi's s/o who had trauma of a sa

-> Waiting until marriage with Levi?

-> Levi with an athetic parner?

-> Levi saying something he regrets during an argument?

-> Giving Levi silent treatment

-> Arguments with Levi

-> Levi's love of his life getting married to someone else?

-> Excessive skin care?

-> Sick! Levi

-> Hiding a pregnancy from Levi?

-> Saying to Levi that he needs to rest!

-> Slapping Levi in the middle of an argument

-> A cadet with an attitude and Levi?

-> How does Levi confess his feelings?

-> Is Levi stingy with money? part 2

-> Confessing feelings to Levi

-> Lunging into Levi with tears in your eyes

-> Levi's reaction to you having to stay at the hospital for over a week

-> Levi's girlfriend gets molested at the bar

-> Levi's girl doing cosplay

-> Levi's girlfriend getting her period

-> Levi's girlfriend getting her long hair cut short

-> Giving Levi a tea he wanted as a present

-> Levi yelling duing an argument?

-> Controlling Levi?

-> What type of music is Levi into?

-> Does Levi drink tea during Summer?

-> Levi's ideal girl?

-> Tomboy girl for Levi?

-> Levi's insecurities

-> Levi's s/o liking coffee

-> Actor! Levi answering interviews

-> Being close to Levi and having social anxiety

-> Is Levi religious?

-> Levi with a Bi! s/o

-> Levi after a break up!

-> Flinching away as Levi moves to touch you, his reaction

-> Post-war Levi view on marriage

-> Breaking up with Levi because you feel he doesn't love you

-> Would Levi cry in front of his lover?

-> Openly complementing Levi!

-> Is Levi a Boy's dad or a Girl's dad?

-> Is Levi the type of boyfriend to remember special dates?

-> How does Levi find his s/o?

-> Levi with a very smart s/o!

-> Levi's s/o being an scout and getting injured during a mission, his reaction

-> Levi with a s/o who was in a previous abusive relationship

-> Life inside of the walls! Meta analysis?

-> Levi getting a girl pregnant during his days as a thug

-> Levi handling a miscarriage (TW: sensitive topics)

-> Levi talking about his past to his s/o

-> Levi's s/o being a scout, would he like her to drop?

-> Levi's ex dating someone new

-> Levi's Hogwards house

-> Levi's s/o likes to talk to themselves

-> Would Levi sacrifice himself for his s/o?

-> Would Levi name his kids after someone else? (Kuchel, Erwin, etc)

-> Someone confess to Levi but he's interested in someone else

-> Asking Levi to punch you so you can see his strengh

-> Is Levi circumcised?

-> Does Levi likes cats?

-> Modern au! Levi what kind of videogames he likes?

-> Levi with a very skinny s/o

-> Levi's squad talking about how his girlfriend is hot!

-> Levi with a s/o with low self-esteem

-> Levi findind out his s/o has royal blood like Historia

-> What would make Levi think his s/o is the one?

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cherrygirlfriend · 2 months ago

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touchy subject pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: seeing your ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of a miscarriage, just pure agony! wc: 1.8k inspired by the song 'touchy subject' by peach prc. part 2

a white baby gate fixed in my hallway stays haunting the house with the angels we made; sometimes, i dream, a decade away, we meet in a grocery store; you look the same, with just a few grey hairs. the blonde little girl who tugs on your shirt with your smile looks nothing like me.

it had been four years since you had last been on kildare island; four years of trying to forget the life, or the ruined bones of one, that you'd been escaping from.

after ending your engagement with your fiancé, you'd traveled all around the country in your beat-up truck, hoping to find a place where you'd belong; only to end up back in the outer banks. they say there's no place like home, and in a way, it was true. you can leave kildare island, but kildare island will never leave you.

"everything okay?"

you're startled out of your thoughts by the melodic sound of your mother's voice, and when she follows your gaze to the baby-gate attached to the door leading to the kitchen, her mouth twists into a frown. "i was meant to take that down before you got here..." she chewed on her lower lip, a pang of guilt almost punching her in the chest.

"it's fine." you shrug, trying to lift the ends of your lips into a smile, only for it to look artificial and rehearsed. "i should start unpacking."

"alright." your mother placed her hand on your shoulder, but should've been a comforting gesture, made you feel like you were underwater and the hand was simply pushing you deeper.

you stood alone in the living room of your apartment, the only thing to be heard of was the ticking of the clock your mother had already mounted on the clock, mixed in with the sounds of passing cars, so unlike the day you first moved into the apartment, yet so much like the day you were last there.

"you should keep the apartment."

"rafe, i can't do that. it's way too much, and i'm leaving-"

"it's already in your name." the man sighed, smoothing his hand over his shaved head; he looked so different than usual, the dark bags under his eyes making him look like he had aged ten years, his usually tan face almost pale. "you can do whatever you want with it. keep it, sell it, i don't care. it's yours. i never want to step foot in this place again."

your feet were almost moving on their own, the hardwood floor cold under your feet, leading you to that door, and even though you felt your blood run cold, every cell of your body telling you not to open it, you couldn't help but nudge the door open.

you didn't know what you were expecting.

stepping into the room, you let your hand trail over the soft-pink wall, still remembering the smell of paint.

"you know, you shouldn't be doing that." he sighed, leaning against the doorway. "i can just hire someone to paint the walls."

you roll your eyes, your denim overalls covered in the soft pink paint as the paint stained the white wall, "i want to do this. i'm not gonna hire someone to do everything for me when i'm perfectly fine doing it on my own."

"you're not-"

"hush." you pointed the paint roller at rafe, "i'm doing this. now pick up a paint roller or quit whining."

you look down at the crib, lined with white lace, picking up the brown teddy bear that used to belong to you when you were a child, brushing your hand over the fur, straightening the pink bow around its neck.

hung above the crib, was a picture of a couple that had just gotten engaged, wide smiles on both of their faces; a couple that had once been so familiar to you, but now, it was like you couldn't recognize either of the people in the photos.

it felt like everyone was staring at you as they walked past you; four years clearly hadn't been long enough to make the people of outer banks forget about you, and as you made your way towards the local cafe, you couldn't help but think about how long it'd take for the person you didn't want to know you were in town to find out.

you were strolling down the street, rafe's hand in yours, your fingers intertwined. you licked the ice cream cone, deep in thought, letting rafe take the lead.

"what's going through that pretty head of yours?" he chuckled softly, bringing your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it, your engagement ring glimmering under the sunlight.

"baby names." you shrug, "what should we name her?"

"do you have any names in mind?"

"i was thinking..." you pursed your lips, not sure if the name you had been considering would be appropriate or not, chewing on your lower lip as you turn your head to face your fiancé, an expectant smile on his lips and his brows lifted in question, "evelyn."

when the name left your lips, you saw his mouth fall open, and for a moment you thought that you never should've spoken, but after rafe cleared his throat, there was a clear smile on his lips, his blue eyes glassy.

"you- you uh, wanna name her after my mom?"

"yeah." you smile, squeezing his hand. "i do."

for the millionth night, you were laid in bed, looking through pictures, featuring the faces of the couple above the crib in the room next door. pictures with the man's arms wrapped around the woman's waist, ones of them holding hands, ones where one was pressing a kiss the other person's cheek, ones from the several midsummers parties they spent together, ones from halloween, thanksgiving, christmas...

the girl in the dress she had planned to wear on her wedding day.

"rafe, where are you taking me?" you laughed, the blindfold covering your eyes, "if the blindfold's for some kinky purpose, you better forget about it."

rafe laughed, continuing to lead you, his large hands on your waist, "come on, have a little faith in me. i'm not that bad, am i?"

"oh, you definitely are. just last week we were an hour late to ava's party because you just thought i was irresistible."

rafe snorted, "well, that's because you were." he pressed a kiss on your cheek, "you can take it off." he whispered, taking a step away from you.

untying the blindfold, you blinked a few times, letting yourself get used to actually being able to see again, only to be startled by the sight of your boyfriend on one knee in front of you, a small velvet box in his hand, "rafe...?"

you wiped away the stray tear that had left your eye without permission before it could reach your jaw, continuing to scroll through the pictures, knowing that it'd be yet another sleepless night, but when you saw a picture of her, you paused.

you weren't sure who was more nervous, you or rafe, even though you were the one in the examination chair, your shirt pulled up and your rounded stomach on full display. his hand was tightly gripping yours, the man's jaw clenched.

"let's take a look, shall we?" the ultrasound technician smiled, and you nodded, feeling her spread the cold gel onto your stomach, a slight yelp leaving your lips, making rafe squeeze your hand even tighter. you looked to him, nodding reassuringly, speaking softly, "it's okay."

rafe's grip loosened slightly and he softened his grip, both of you turning your heads to the screen, and the moment you saw the little lump on the screen, you couldn't help but feel tears stinging in your eyes.

"look. that's our baby."

"shit..." rafe stared at the screen wide-eyed, letting out a low breath, "that's our baby."

just like on any average day on the island, the sun was shining, your skin radiating with warmth as you walked down the street, looking in through shop windows; it had been a few days since you'd first stepped outside, and it seemed like your arrival had become widespread news, and you didn't receive as many stares as you did before.

you arrived at rafe's door, bringing your hand up and pounding on the door before you could stop yourself and chicken out for the third time that week. you were a wreck, unable to sleep, to think about anything other than how much you knew you needed to talk to rafe.

you waited, tapping your foot against the ground and biting down on your lip, when finally, the door slowly started opening, a small smile forming on rafe's lips when he realized that it was you.

"hey baby," he chuckled softly, placing his hands on your waist, "you miss me so much you couldn't even text me to let you know you were coming?" he grinned.

"i have to talk to you." you pull away from his embrace, taking his hands off your waist, the blonde looking down at you with furrowed brows, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest, clearly alarmed by the slight frown on your lips.

"what's wrong?"

"i'm pregnant."

without even realizing it, you had stopped in front of a jewelry store, gazing inside at the things on display as you were going down memory lane inside your head. you let out a small chuckle, about to step back and continue walking, when your blood ran cold, the smile fading away from your face, feeling as if someone had stabbed you in the heart.

to anyone else, it would've just been the backs of two random people. but even without seeing his face, you could recognize the only man you'd ever loved no matter where you went.

his short-sleeved white collared shirt was tucked into his dark jeans, riding up slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, having grown out slightly since the last time you'd seen it, his signet ring on his middle finger.

you saw him let out a chuckle, and you could almost picture how it'd sound, his hand going to rest on the back of the person he was with.

a younger woman smiled up at him, and even just from her side profile, you could tell that she was gorgeous, her flaming hair flowing over her shoulders, the smile on her face genuine, matching his.

and when you saw what she was holding up and showing to him, the knife in your chest was twisted.

an engagement ring.

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barzzal · 6 months ago

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call me crosby → part six

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: parenting, tantrums, and a tad bit of angst genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 5.2k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: REALLY hoping i get to finish this while on my uni break. This was supposed to be posted on father's day but ya girl was on a trip i had to make most of it yk! Also, do note that the italicized part is a quick flashback. Anyway, happy reading! <3 (gif used: mine)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. teasers, interviews, events, and the like that are included in the series are purely made for fictional purposes and do not/should not represent any of the names involved in real life. please proceed with caution.

Two words. Terrible twos.

It was one of the things your mom has told you about raising a child of your own. It was a stage full of tantrums and frustrations; one you’ve never dealt with before. You were told that it was overwhelming, that you have to prepare yourself mentally and physically for it. However, your son, as the marvel child that he is, was so good at that age that you need not have to worry about it.

Well, not until a few years later.

“Mommy, please!” Luke wails in frustration from the living room.

He has been asking for a little more screen time watching his show instead of doing his homework. And be that as it may, he has been adamant about not getting what he wanted.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks, following Luke’s realization of not getting to play much of hockey. Frankly, as well as not seeing much of Sidney.

“Honey, you’ve been watching for almost two hours. That’s enough.” you say, massaging your temple as you walk towards where he is, trying not to lose your temper.

You and your son have always been in sync. You have not really had the chance to reprimand or give him a good scolding. Lucas is a fairly calm child right from the beginning. To say the least, dealing with his temper tantrums now is a lot harder than you’ve prepared for.

You see him sitting on the couch holding the remote tightly. His cheeks are still evidently damp from all the crying. You know he’s bound to strain his voice just by looking at him.

“Two hours is not enough!” he appeals. Just like you thought, his voice is now nearly gone from all the screaming. “Please, I want my TV!”

It is during times like this where you have to try harder as a mother. You know it will not always be rainbows with Luke. But despite your efforts to ensure that he would be able to express himself when you greatly need it, you can’t blame a child for not knowing exactly how he feels nor the reason for it. You just wish he’d be able to let you know even just a little. At least then, you could make it all better.

“Baby,” you endearingly call for him as you approach.

With a soft smile on your face, you caress his hair. Your hands then fall to his cheeks so as to wipe his tears away.

“You’ve already watched a lot of episodes today...” you carefully work your way in; gently reminding him of his acquired screen time.

Frustratingly, Luke’s voice breaks as he tries to tell you he wasn’t going to watch any more episodes of Paw Patrol and the new Lego Spiderman.

“Then what were you trying to watch?” you ask him with the same nurturing voice.

You see Luke shoot a glance over the screen that you’ve already turned off half an hour ago.

Yes, this has been going on for that long.

“Mkay, you may turn it on so you can show me.”

There comes a glint of hope in his eyes the moment he hears you. You fight the urge to chuckle, finding it quite adorable.

Luke, now standing on his feet, finds the red power button and points it towards the television. Once it’s turned on, the thumbnail of a show greets you; one that you least expected– one that you clearly were not ready for.

“So tell us guys, how can we make hockey more fun?” said the last voice you wanted to hear.

Sid and Nathan in their respective jersey’s for a commercial a few years back comes into view. You know that it was one of his brand commitments that he still does to this day. You were just not aware that Tim Horton’s apparently had this particular video uploaded for everyone to see.

As you watch the clip turn over to a handful of kids skating towards the two famed athletes, you make the mistake of taking the remote from your son to pause the short youtube clip quite hastily. You inevitably surprise him with your reaction thereby scaring him.

Upon deducing that you were upset by the show that he has chosen, Luke begins to cry even harder than before.

Alarmed, you put away the remote and reached for him. You let him fall in your arms whilst he buried his face in your chest.

“I’m sorry, baby. Mommy didn’t mean that.” you try to convince him, caressing his head. You feel disgusted with yourself because you know this is not the way you wanted this moment to unfold.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mommy.” Luke says in between his sobbing. He hugs you tighter whilst in a heaping mess.

“Hush, it’s okay.” you comfort him. “I’m sorry too.”

You let him cry himself out. It may be heartbreaking for you, but you couldn’t think of any other way to help your seemingly helpless child. The only thing you could offer him is the assurance that you will always be by his side when he needs you.

You know that the overwhelming surge of emotion he’s feeling now is quite new for him. Dealing with his outburst may be tough on your end, but you can’t even imagine how much harder it must have been for a child to be utterly clueless as to why he is crying.

Swiftly, just like you used to do when he was a baby, you sway your body whilst Luke stays in your embrace. Once Luke’s breathing begins to calm down, you lovingly caress his back; deciding to try again.

“How are you feeling, darling?”

Luke doesn’t utter a word. However, you feel him move even closer to your body as if there was any space left. You tighten your hold on him as you place a kiss atop his forehead.

“Mommy’s not mad at you, okay?”

With what you assume is the last of his sobs, Luke quietly replies, “Okay…”

He breaks away from your hold and looks you in the eye, “I’m sorry.”

You offer him a reassuring smile, “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to scare you, honey.”

You plant a wet kiss atop his nose, making him giggle.

“May I know why you wanted to watch more TV?” you ask.

When you see a hint of hesitation on his demeanor you add, “I’m not upset. I promise. Go on, you can tell me.”

“Sidney…”

“Do– Do you miss him?” you ask hesitantly, afraid to hear what his answer might be.

Your son nods, “Uh-huh.”

Of course.

Luke continues, “He said… he’s going to play with me when he comes back.”

“Where is he, Mom? Why isn’t he back?”

“I…” you struggle. You didn’t know how to tell him that this was all because of your doing. “I don’t know, honey.”

Luke looks at you with his little eyes, all too tired from crying. “Doesn’t he wanna play with me?”

You shake your head, determined not to put thoughts in his head that could be a detriment as to how he saw Sidney. Funny how you still instinctively did things for Sidney’s sake.

“Of course, he does, sweetheart. He’s just—”

Your son interrupts, “He’s just what?”

You caress his cheek as you say, “He needed to take care of some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

You hum, playing with his hair. “Stuff like what Mom also has to take care of sometimes.”

You think of an example. “Like, when I leave you with Aunt Claire for a little while, you remember?”

He looks up at you with enthusiasm in his voice when he says, “Aunt Claire always gives me M&Ms.”

You give him a warm and knowing smile. “She does, doesn’t she?”

Your son continues, “She also gives me candy when you come back.”

“Yes! See– I always come back, right?” you begin to explain. “Sidney’s gonna come back too, honey. It’s just taking a while. We need to wait a bit longer.”

Luke tilts his head, “Longer?”

“Yes, right. Can you do that? Can you wait a little more for Sidney?”

Once again, only with a discernible smile spreading on his lips, your son nods.

“Are you gonna wait for him too?”

It takes a few seconds before you are able to answer.

“Yes. I am also waiting for him.”

𖥸

Days have gone and your son stayed true to his words. He’s waiting patiently for Sidney.

In the meantime, Luke has shifted his focus on his art albeit not entirely off hockey given that most of his drawings were of hockey sticks, pucks, and the Pittsburgh Penguins logo.

You no longer mind for as long as he is, for lack of a better term, distracted. You and Sidney have remained in no contact with one another and it is highly likely to remain the same. You may have kept in touch with Cath and Anna but neither of them gave you word as to how Sidney was doing. Surely, they were thinking you did not really care for it. Did you?

You sigh, watching your son soundly asleep as he takes his afternoon nap. Days have been quite easier ever since the night you last saw Sidney. But you have to admit, seeing your son’s room now reminds you of him. You would have easily shut down the idea of having Sidney taint the corners of your home with his presence; particularly your son’s room. It would have easily aggravated you, perhaps fuel the hate you have for him even more. How come you don’t? How come what you feel instead is the void in your gut that is melancholy.

Quietly, you shut the door of your son’s room to let him rest.

You have been pondering as to how to remedy your situation with Sidney but alas, nothing came close to a practicable and civil reconciliation. You knew full well that co-parenting would be hard given the fact that it was one of the reasons why you chose to be your son’s only parent. You just fell short of realizing how it will equally be as hard on you. As much as you’d give every fiber of your being to be the best Mother you can be to your child, it kills you to acknowledge that Luke needs someone other than you, even more so that it inevitably means him needing his father.

Perhaps Sidney isn’t the only one who had a hand in everything falling apart. ‘Perhaps’ is a little far fetched but a mere inkling would suffice. You are not yet ready to acknowledge you had your share in the wrongs that make up this little broken family of yours.

You were putting away Luke’s plushies in his toy bin when you heard the doorbell ring. You place the bin on the floor before you make your way to the front door. It was unusual given that you were not really expecting anyone to drop by. The only close friends you have in the city would not be so careless in doing so for obvious reasons.

You take a quick glance on the doorbell camera and your heart immediately sinks.

Of all the people you’d expect to be waiting at the other side of the door, she would be the last one.

The moment you opened the door you were welcomed with eyes as blue as the ocean back home, hair that is as gold as the afternoon sun, and a smile that’s entirely identical to Sidney’s and your son’s.

Close to losing all the words you know, you were able to say one name.

“Taylor.”

She wastes no second, “Is it true?”

You see Taylor’s eyes wander off to Luke’s toy bin sitting idly near the staircase. The discerning look on her face let you know she no longer needed an answer.

“Come in.” you say.

Quiet and unsettling air sits as you invite Sidney’s sister inside your home. You did not really know where to begin. The best thing you can do now is to lead her to your living room, offer some tea, and sit in silence.

“Can I get you anything? I might have some tea lying around.” you say, offering formalities.

Taylor gives you a tight-lipped smile. Reserved. You get it. You would be too if you recently learned you had a nephew.

“Water would be nice.” she replies.

You give her a swift nod just as you tell her, “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

You turn on your heels and make your way towards the kitchen with cold hands and a pounding heart. Sitting with Sidney’s sister for afternoon tea isn’t exactly what you had in mind spending your time off work.

Needless to say, you prolong the trip to the kitchen and back to the living room. You need to buy yourself some time to process what’s about to happen.

Upon your return, you see Taylor looking at the photo wall you’ve created through the years. The very same one you caught Sidney looking at the first time you invited him over.

When the two of you catch each other’s gaze, you offer Taylor an apologetic smile. It’s true. You now realize how your new life — your growth looked like through the eyes of your old friends. A harsh reminder that none of them are in it.

You and Taylor were good friends ever since Sidney brought you to Halifax to meet his folks. You always had a hard time warming up to people you barely know, but with Taylor… well, she made it so easy.

If only she knew of the things you’ve gone through subsequent to the better parts of your life with her brother. Maybe then, she’d understand.

The two of you utter each other’s names at once, immediately stopping upon realization.

You gladly let Taylor know she could continue what she was about to say. After all, you know she has nothing but questions that only you could answer.

The first thing she asks is, “What happened?”

You begin to explain. You tell her about the first time you knew you were pregnant, the moment you told Sidney, and how things unraveled shortly after that. You spared her no detail of what has come and gone; the years that flew by so quickly and dreadfully slow at the same time.

“I didn’t know things were that hard,” she says apologetically, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because,” you pause, “I knew Sidney felt alone.”

With kind eyes, Taylor replies, “So were you.”

Taylor has always been on your side despite being Sidney’s sister. She knew how difficult her brother can be. After all, she grew up with him.

You sigh because what she said was true. You and Sidney were alone together. But regardless of the wall that separated the two of you, you didn’t want to let Sidney feel as alone as you felt when he left you. Maybe that’s why you inadvertently left Taylor out of the mess just so Sidney felt he still had someone on his side.

“At the time everyone blamed him for not wanting a child.” you begin, “I knew that if I told you, you’d feel the same as I do. I didn’t want him to feel that his sister was against him too.”

“Listen,” she says, “When Sid told me, I swore that I was gonna come up here and be mad at you… but for years, I’ve seen how the game ate up most of the Sid I knew. So I guess, I couldn’t really blame you.”

“I only did what I thought was the best for us.” you say honestly, “I just didn’t think the repercussions of my action would bring us into this much mess.”

It’s true. The life you pictured with your son excluded Sidney, but you should have known that what Claire told you was right the moment you came back to Pittsburgh with your son. Sure, the first year went by so blissfully. But you have forgotten yet another circumstance you should have known before you dealt another card: Luke.

Luke is growing up exactly how you dreamt him to be. A boy who has a mind of his own. You cannot really expect him to go along your every plan if he’s already becoming his own person, can you?

You hate yourself for it. However, you’ll hate yourself even more if you deprive him of something he is entitled to have no matter how much you’re against it.

Taylor stayed for a while. You spend the time showing her memories you’ve made with Luke. You showed pictures of your son as a newborn, the many birthday parties you have thrown for him, even the ones you have taken of him playing hockey. Taylor savored every bit of the nephew she could get to know. The only thing left now is to finally meet him.

With nothing but a humble heart you hold Taylor’s hand and say, “I’m really sorry.”

Taylor puts her hand on top of yours, giving it a squeeze. “I understand.”

“Do you want to meet him?”

“I do,” she gives you a warm smile, “but not when you and Sidney have yet to patch things up.”

You let go of her hand and sigh. You understood what she wanted you to do. For the first time, you wanted the same thing too.

“I’ll talk to him.”

𖥸

July has been warming up the city but your words still rang in Sidney’s ears as if it had just been uttered.

“I’m done.”

As hard as it was to admit, Sidney knew that the article was the final nail in the coffin — the final string that would make him understand why you had to keep his son away from him. Just like all the other times, you were right. He had always been less of a man much like all the others.

He couldn’t wrap his head around how he managed to screw things up worse than he already had even when he was barely making any progress. Perhaps, it was foolish of him to think he can still make it work. After all, what more remedy could he do to the very thing you have long buried six feet under?

Instead, what he did was go home to Halifax days subsequent to the release of the controversial article. The last thing he wanted was attention so he did the sanest thing he could think of: renovate his lake shed.

Apart from the fact that it was the off-season, Sidney could not see himself staying in his Pittsburgh home. The night you ended the attempt to co-parent with him only reminded Sidney of the time he foolishly thought he had already purged out of his system. It was as if he had been brought back to the night he was told his child was gone.

“Please don’t end us.” he says, knees already on the cold hospital floor. “Please don’t make me leave.”

Sidney feels your grip on his hand tighten as an attempt to break off his hold, but before you can do so, the door to your room opens to reveal Kris and Geno rushing to take Sidney away from you.

“Sidney,” he hears Geno call his name.

He didn’t budge. He wasn’t going anywhere without you. He knew you needed him. He understood what had to be done. A little too late, but he’s here now.

“Y/N-”

“Sid,” Kris places a hand on his shoulder just as he firmly says, “let her rest.”

It was the least Sidney could do. To let you be — as he had easily done so when it was the last thing you wanted.

Sidney came back to the hospital with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands. He walked the halls with hope only to find out you were no longer there. He had been cut off as soon as Kris and Geno walked him out of your hospital room — the last time he was ever going to see you.

He waited for hours sitting on the lobby bench beside your hospital room. If it were not for the next patient arriving to occupy the room, Sidney would not have probably left.

The days he spent in your shared home haunted him of the days he had left you alone in it waiting for him to come home. The house he had built with his fame and successes have now become a constant reminder of what a failure it really was.

Sidney sighed once he finished a glass of water. He absent mindedly places it atop the counter as his eyes remained in focus at a photograph placed on his refrigerator. It had been a while since he last saw it. After all, he only gets to go home during the off season.

He walks towards the fridge and takes the photo in his hand. It was the first sonogram you had of your son. The one you dread having to leave when you finally had the courage to leave Sidney, but the last possession Sidney has of the life he could have been living.

With eyes now glistening with impending tears, Sidney lightly rubs his thumb on the picture — what was once a tiny little peanut has grown to become a boy Sidney could no longer keep out of his mind. He’s hurting at the fact that he misses you — but his heart aches at the thought of Luke eventually forgetting about him. Sidney knows he’s going to be yet another random ‘Mr.’ at a camp that happened to teach him a sport he will grow up to forget eventually. All those memories Sidney will bring with him to his deathbed will surely be forgotten by the time the tiny little peanut graduates from college.

Who else could he blame for the life he’s now living however miserable it may be? You offered him this life with your own life on the line. Sidney did nothing but toss it aside because he was set on his ways. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself. Perhaps, that’s what he should bring to his deathbed.

Sidney’s self-loathing was put into a halt when he heard a chime coming from his phone already buzzing on his kitchen counter.

He sees a message that almost had him on his knees.

Just below your name were the words he had least expected but mostly hoped to read, “Can we talk?”

𖥸

As soon as you were able to set a date, Sidney wasted no time and got in the next flight bound for Pittsburgh. Sidney had two days to prepare before meeting you and while that seemed like enough time to be able to think about what he’s going to say the moment he sees you, he could neither ascertain how to explain nor justify his shortcomings. So, he won’t.

Sidney watches your car pull over the driveway after having opened his gate. After the tedious two-day wait, you were back. Well, at least that’s what Sidney thought at the time. Because unlike him, it was not just two days — it has been six years.

Sidney was chivalrous enough to let a few seconds pass before he finally opened the door for you although to tell you the truth, he had been at the other side of it long before you rang the doorbell.

You follow Sidney’s steps as you make your way to the living room. Said walk was not like the others you used to thread on back when you were still together — it wasn’t so long and quiet. At least, it didn’t feel that way.

“Can I offer you a drink?” Sidney asks. The hoarseness in his voice strung along his words.

Has he been crying that much? His eyes were a bit tired. He hasn’t been sleeping. How come Kris said he was fine? But then again, Sidney has had quite a talent in putting up a facade. You catch him fiddling his thumb. When he sees where your eyes have been, Sidney immediately takes his hand into his pocket.

You immediately put your gaze elsewhere. “Uh, just water.”

As you scan the view that is Sidney Crosby’s home, one thing comes to mind: it looks nothing like Connor Mcdavid’s. Sidney’s was far more deserving to be featured in Architectural Digest. To hell with black and metal. This was a home.

Well, it is. Just not for Sidney.

Even if it was, a part of you knew Sidney would never parade his home for everyone else to see; let alone have it printed on a magazine.

Apart from the wood panels that fashioned the ceilings, everything else was unfamiliar. It was as if you never lived in it. He had new pieces displayed in various corners of the room. Some of it worth millions sitting idly beside or on top of worn out books like some mere paper weight.

Sidney also redid the floors. Neutral wide plank flooring. You thought that it was quite a bold choice considering the majority of the furniture you had before came in dark tones. But then, that made you realize Sidney also bought new furniture. He also changed a few fixtures, here and there. The white french sliding doors leading to the patio were now replaced with glass doors that had wood trimmings as well as the hallway leading to your old home office that now had interior glass doors. You notice tons of boxes you could see from the other side. Perhaps, he thought it would now be a good use for a storage space. After all, he had to fill in every bit of void you’ve left him with.

You tear your eyes away from the halls you used to frequent. Instead, you quietly follow Sidney’s footsteps. The house still had an open floor-plan. Sidney loved seeing everything at once. At least that hasn’t changed.

“Make yourself comfortable.” he says with a tight-lipped smile just as he turns towards the kitchen.

The cloud of uncertainty was still evident and heavy. To top it all, you were neither sure of what to tell him nor where to begin. Clearly, you should have bought yourself a bit more time before ringing his doorbell.

You hold your bag close to your chest once you’ve sat in Sidney's living room. You were wrong. The changes he made were drastic. His taste then was incomparable to how it is now. The Sidney you knew then wouldn’t be so meticulous as to what type of wood to use in his fireplace or what fabric to pick when it comes to throw pillows lining the couch. Hell, he wouldn’t have thought of having one — let alone five.

A quiet smile seeps in your lips. It’s nice that something good has come out of such an ugly chapter in your lives.

Your eyes catch a shade of blue and crimson red blankly displayed on the side of the room from where you were sitting. You feel a gnawing guilt resting in your guts as the painting comes into full view. You stand as your hand travels to your chest. It was a piece by Peter Doig called the “100 Years Ago”.

A man sits alone in a canoe in the middle of a quiet and still ocean. The man looks at you helpless and tired of what must have been an arduous journey. You meet his eyes, as if it were in desperate need of help. Your help. But then again, there’s an island waiting for him — even a house sitting on top of the hill. Couldn’t he just row his way and ask for help? Perhaps his inability to do so was due to the fact that he’d already gone to that house — maybe what it really was is just as empty as what he already had in the canoe.

As the eerily still piece settles before your eyes, you can’t help but think of what it must have been like to be the one that’s stuck. The man that was torn between two distances. To choose between whatever it was sitting before his eyes and the big island he can always call home.

“Hey.”

Sidney’s voice pulls you back to your feet.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” he says, two glasses of water in each hand.

“No, it’s all right.” you say.

“That–” you turn your gaze back to the painting before continuing, “That is something.”

Sidney gives a humble smile. “Thanks. I got it a couple of years back when I started renovating the place.”

It would be absurd to say that Sidney’s house has not changed since the last time you walked its halls. It did change. A lot. After all, you didn’t expect him to leave everything as it was; how you left it. Despite that, there was a little hope that Sidney did leave a bit of what might have reminded him of you untouched.

“So– listen, the reason why I came here.” you begin, hugging the glass with both your hands.

“I know. Taylor.” Sidney saves you the need to explain. “I’m sorry I told her. I wasn’t in my right mind the last couple of weeks.”

It’s true. He knew it must have been hard for you to tell Taylor everything. It was yet another reason for you to cut him completely out of your life, yet another rash decision, yet another failure. Sidney did what he could at the time and his only wish now is for you to understand. He had just lost you and his son twice. To have done otherwise would have made him lose his mind.

“No. It’s alright. She’s bound to know that she has a nephew.” you earnestly reply.

At this point, you have come to realize that you’ve been insufferable regardless of your own merits. Sidney thought he had lost a son. You couldn’t possibly deprive him of his own sister.

“How– how is he?” he asks, afraid of how he’ll be answered.

You look Sidney in his eyes just as you say, “He’s been missing you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

Sidney takes in the new information as a quiet smile spreads on his lips. Luke misses him.

Seeing Sidney’s reaction brought you a sense of guilt and warmth only a parent could feel.

“Honestly, Taylor visiting isn’t really the reason why I’m here.”

His brows quirk and asks, “What do you mean?”

“I think…” you say, fighting yourself from refusing to tell Sidney the truth. The very truth that you’re still having a hard time accepting.

“I think it’s time to acknowledge– and for me to accept, that my son needs you.”

It’s the truth. It might have been hard for you given that Sidney was the root of it all, but you could no longer put up with the way you have been treating Sidney at your son’s expense. You may still have bits of resentment towards what once was but that doesn’t give you a right to deprive your son of his right. A part of you may still hate Sidney for the pain he caused you, but you could not bear the thought of your son hating his father because of your own doing.

Sidney is at a loss for words.

“Do you really mean that?”

He sees you nod.

You give him a reassuring smile.

“It’s one thing to keep a father away from his child, but it’s another to keep a child away from his father.”

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logansobsession · 3 months ago

Text

Anything But You Pt. 1

Ft. Logan Howlett x f! Reader- X-men,marvel

( Logan’s your ex husband, leaving you without any explanation on a Sunday morning. It’s been 3 years since the divorce had been finalized.)

Setting- 70’s Logan ( days of future past)

Contains: fluff, smut!!, talks of miscarriage, age gap, receiving oral and fingering, unprotected piv, alcohol usage, blood, wounds, suicidal ideations

Word count: 5k

Authors note: Hi everyone! I really hope this reads well, as it is my first fanfic!! So please gentle with me. It’s a SLOW BURN, my lord is the ending so VERY worth it!!

———————————————————————--------------------------

You were once happy. Happy and in love with Logan Howlett. It seemed as if it would last forever. However, one Sunday morning, Logan asked you for a divorce. Nothing was necessarily wrong with your marriage so his desire for a divorce came as a complete shock to you. Even after it had been finalized, you were still in a state of shock and absolute denial. You thought that at anytime now, you would wake up in Logan's arms, nothing but a bad dream. A month after the divorce, you had decided to pack your belongings and leave the X-men, knowing it was best for your mental health if you stayed away from Logan as far away as possible. You found a tiny excuse of an apartment within the city, got a job at the nearest clinic, and eventually a second job at a bar.

This was almost three years ago. Logan hasn't seen you since. Never checked in. He made you feel as if he was a ghost. That he was now. A ghost of your past. Logan seemed to be moving on with what he made of his life, in a relationship with a young woman named Cathy. Of course they met in the only spot Logan resides, the bar.

Things started off as a casual fling between the two of them, then eventually they decided to get serious. That had happened about half a year ago.

Logan was currently at a new bar, one Cathy had suggested since it had always been spoken of in a positive manner. The same bar you had just clocked in for your shift two hours ago.

You had been dealing out various drinks, many to the regulars you grown to know and appreciate the small amounts of thanks you received on a basis. However, you dealt with the rowdy new comers, mainly men in college or early 20's. Hitting on you in verbally vulgar forms at that. But you don't blame them. You were only mid 20's, and considered very pretty by everyone. Your body? Your body could have been turned into an Aphrodite rendition statue. Soft, curves in every right spot, never able to hide from the hungry eyes of men.

You had just finished giving the beer you poured for the gentleman that had just walked up to the bar. A gruff thanks from the man as he dropped a dollar into your tip jar. You rested your hands on your hips, staring down at the counter in slight disgust. Two hours in, and the counter is already dirty. That's always been your personal sign saying that it's going to be a long night for you. You look to your left for the towel resting within the towel holder, bolted into the side of the counter.

You felt the blood drain instantly from your face. No warmth to be found in your cheeks. Him. It's him. After three years, Logan is in the bar you're working at. How horribly convenient. Next to him is what you presume is some new fling of his. You look away quickly, eyes down and glued to the counter and you wipe feverishly.

"Why? Why did he have to come here out of all the bars in this stupid city?" you thought to yourself. Noticing your hands were shaking enough to be seen by an innocent bystander, you knew a panic attack was creeping up the back of your neck. You set the towel down and let your coworker know that a break was needed right this very moment.

You grab the jean jacket you had worn into your shift, since it was early fall, and it's not cold enough for anything heavier. You pull the hair tie from your hair, long healthy hair cascading down your back as you quickly made your way to the back door. Gasping in the cold air, you fish out a pack of cigarettes from your pocket, along with the lighter. You take one more gulp of the bitter fall air, in attempts to calm down before resting the cigarette between your lips. A bad habit you picked up after the divorce, damn Logan.

The wind however, denied you this small relief. The flame being flushed out before it could even flash orange. You stand there, flicking the lighter over and over, cursing at the lighter for not doing you any favors.

Logan did see you. Seen how the blood drained from your face, resembling a ghost. His eyes had widen as he watched you exit the building hurriedly. He hadn't expected you to be here, especially as the current bartender. He didn't know what to feel. Logan hasn't seen you in years, so seeing you now brought back a variety of different emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness, to say the least.

As you continued to struggle to light your cigarette, Logan decides to approach you, against his better judgement. He slowly approached you from the back door of the bar, stopping about a yard from you.

"Need a light?" He asked.

You freeze up immediately, taking your attention away from the lighter. You don't bother looking in his direction, afraid to see Logan's face again. The memories. His sudden departure from your life, at his wishes.

The sigh that came from your mouth reeked of frustration, bristling at the idea of having to actually speak to him. However, you know he always has light on him, and the itch in the back of your throats slowly becomes a scream for the cigarette.

" Damn wind keeps knocking the flame out...... Yeah it would be appreciated." You say as you move the chunk of loose hair from your vision, tucking it away behind your ear.

Logan walked forward, taking the lighter gently from your hand and lighting the cigarette. He hands it back to you. Looking at you closely, he noticed quite a few different things. The way you tucked your hair and the subtle shake n your hands when you moved it. He wasn't sure if it was just a little cold or something else. He decided to just ignore those thoughts for the meantime.

"You started working here?"

He asked, his voice steady but quieter than before. He was trying to keep his tone as casual as possible. You stare at your feet, pulling out a long drag from the cigarette. Your head leans back, meeting softly with the brick foundation of the bar. Closing your eyes, you let out the deathly haze of smoke, enjoying the burning in the base of your throat.

"yeah, I did. About two months ago, it's my second job, still working at the clinic outside of town." You say with a tone annoyance creeping up, not wanting to be anywhere but here in this very moment.

Logan's eyebrows raised in mild surprise when you mention that you were working another job. Though he wasn't that shocked by it, you had always been the type to work too hard. Even back when the two of you were together. He shoved his hands in his pockets, his voice a bit gruff as he said, " Damn, you're still working at the medical clinic? Didn't you take on enough hours between the X-Men and the clinic? You need to slow down a bit. Why you working at this shithole?"

You sigh, pulling the jean jacket as close as possible to you. Wind now nipping at your skin through the jacket. You take another drag from the cigarette before toying with the ends of your hair, still in refusal of of making eye contact with Logan.

" Well when you wanted the divorcee, working so much that way it kept me out of the mansion was a much better option than sitting there receiving pity from Scott and the others, all because I the girl the infamous Logan Howlett decided to discard from his life." You say pointedly, lacing with annoyance.

Logan's jaw clenched when you brought up the divorce. His heart sunk slightly and his hand balled up into fists inside of his pockets at the memory. He kept his expression as stoic as possible, refusing to look emotional in front of you. "You need to get over that." He said in a monotone way, voice quiet but harsh regardless.

Damn. I really hurt her that much, he thought to himself. Though he shouldn't feel sympathy for you, it still hurt that you seemed to be suffering from the way he ended things.

You stop playing with your hair, and look him straight on. Locking eyes with him, you point your fingers holding the cigarette at him. Biting back the bile rising up in your throat, you rudely say "YOU DO NOT get to tell me when and why I need to get over this Logan. You of all people know what abandonment from the ones you love feels like. You still haven't gotten over it, so you have zero room to tell a person to simply get over something." You angrily take the last drag from your cigarette before tossing it to the ground and stomping it. You look back up at him, fire and pain swirling angrily within your eyes " Go fuck yourself Logan." and begin to walk away.

Logan stares right back at you. his expression darkens at your words. Your comment hits him like a stab in the stomach, and it pisses him off but he bites his tongue hard to prevent himself from saying something more. Seeing you crush the cigarette on the ground and begin to walk away, something in him snaps. Maybe it's because seeing you again has brought back so many memories. Perhaps it's guilt, anger, bitterness. Whatever it is, he reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can turn away completely.

You recoil at the touch of Logan's hand around your wrist. Anger seeping out of every pore of your body. "Let go" You say quietly, trying to tug your wrist free from his grasp. You hang your head back, looking away from Logan's face, avoiding any more anger to come out.

Logan tightens his grip on your wrist when you attempt to tug it free from him. He looks down at you, his stare almost burning through your skin. His eyes narrowed as he says, his tone as serious as possible, " No. I'm not going to let you walk away. Not this time."

His voice isn't harsh like it was before. It's steady and more firm, as if he's demanding you listen to him. " Yeah? Let me walk away?" you say with a bitter laugh. " YOU WALKED AWAY!" You raise your voice, letting the wall holding back your anger come down. " You walked away Logan. Not me. I cried for months after you decided you were bored of me. I hope you're so in love with that trailer trash excuse of a woman sitting the bar." You say before spitting in his face. You tug your wrist free from Logan's death grip, and walk away.

Logan stood there and took it. Everything you said and when you spat in his face. If it had been anyone else, it would've ended differently. But instead of reacting defensively or even violently at your action, he stood there and took it, wiping the spit off his forehead. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just watching your back as you stormed off, before he finally spoke.

"We both know I was never in love with you."

You stopped dead in your tracks. The sentence bouncing through your head like someone had just taken a hammer to it. You slowly bent over to grab the rock that sat innocently next to your foot. You stood up, debating if this was a good idea. But in this moment, you didn't care anymore. You turned and threw the rock at Logan in one fluid movement.

"HOW DARE YOU! Never loved you? We were planning on trying for a baby after we lost the first. You can't handle someone that plans to stick around forever. You were scared and still are. Collecting god knows how many women to bring home at night. Leave me the fuck alone Logan because I swear to god if you say anything else, I will get in my car and run you over and over until I can finally be the one to kill the fucking Wolverine." You say before walking back into the car. Tears streaming down your cheeks, you let your manager know that you had to leave right this moment. You snatched your keys up and walked out the front door to your car.

Logan just stood in silence as you unloaded on him with such anger and resentment. Every harsh word that was thrown his way made his heart sink in his chest. He felt guilty deep down for what he had done to you, but at the same time, he didn't think you had the right to react this way. The rock you threw hit him square in the chest, not that he cared enough to react to it. Logan was left alone out in the cold now, watching retreat back into the bar; before coming back out momentarily. He watched silently as you made your way over to your car.

You reach the car door, sniffling and sobbing at this point. You finally get into the car and flick the visor down. Staring back at you was a tear stained version of you within the mirror. Along with the picture of you and Logan. When we were happy, or so you thought. You screamed angrily and slammed your hand against the steering wheel, snatching the picture from its spot and fishing out the lighter from your jacket. You were burning that picture in the car, even if it meant you got burned or worse.

Logan just watched you retreat to your car, still reeling from your words. He was about to walk away and get his bike when he heard the scream. Logan's head snapped in the direction of your car. He quickly scanned you, seeing the picture and lighter in hand. His eyes widened at the sight and immediately knew what you were about to do with it. He didn't think, just acted out of instinct. He started running over to your car as quickly as he could without just straight up using his powers.

You flicked the lighter, releasing the orange hued fire from it. Watching it dance in the wind of your ragged breaths, you bring it slowly to the corner where Logan's smiling face had been. The flame quickly licked at the worn out photo, you stare at it and rub your tears from your face. Logan didn't slow down for a second as he tried to get to you on time. He cursed to himself as he realized he probably wouldn't make it in time.

He couldn't even speak, as he had no idea what he'd say to you. He just needed to stop you from burning that picture for some reason the couldn't explain. As the flame eats away the memory of Logan's face and body, you watch the photo brown before blackening into ash. "Men. They take and take and take. Then leave you and break your heart. That's all they're good for I suppose." You say to yourself while holding the half burnt picture.

Logan was only a couple yards away, but he stopped for a moment when he heard you speak. He looked at the picture in your hand, the image of him being burned away. His face and body no longer visible, only ash remaining. He didn't know why seeing you burn the picture pissed him off, but it did. He closed the gap between the two of you, finally reaching your car. He banged on the window angrily, yelling your name to get your attention.

The banging on your window snapped you out of your trance from the dancing flame. Logan. Of course he can't take a hint to leave you alone. You stare him straight in the eyes, Holding up what's left of the burning photo for him to see. Knowing he will only hear muffled words you still speak " I have had this since the day it was taken. You made it clear, crystal clear Logan. The last part of you is right here and I'm getting rid of it and moving far away."

Logan couldn't help the slight wince he gave when you held up the burning photo. His jaw clenched as he watched the last of it burn to ash, right in front of him. He knew it was already too late to try and salvage it. He didn't want to admit it, but seeing the picture destroyed pissed him off more than he thought. He just couldn't understand why it bothered him so bad. He slammed his fist against the car window again. " Get out of the god damn car and talk to me."

You continue your gaze, staring into the nonexistent soul Logan had. You wipe your hands clean from the ash, letting it sit in your lap. "You can let me leave willingly and go crawl back to trailer trash Cathy. I'm going home so I can pack my belongings ad return to my mother's on the other side of the country.

Logan clenched his fist at your words, his practically cracking from how hard he was clenching. Hearing those words you said just now sent a wave of anger through his body. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to control himself enough so wouldn't do something he'd regret. He knocked on the window again, more irritated this time. "Y/N. Open the god damn door and get out of the car."

You shook your head and laughed in a vindictive manner. " No Logan. I don't think I will. Because what little bit of hope and love that I had for you, you crushed right out of me not even ten minutes ago. I don't care what you want. I don't care about you. I hope that adamantium skeleton crushes you from the inside out." You finish, before turning the key over and pulling the shifter into drive.

Logan's eyes flared anger at your comment. He didn't understand why you were acting like such a brat right now, but it just pissed him off even more. Hearing your last comment actually hurt, but he wasn't going to let you know that. He slammed his hand against the car window, creating a small crack in it. He couldn't stand that you were driving off without him able to say something. He was desperate to get you to listen to him.

You watch Logan's figure grow smaller as you pull out of the parking lot. You grab your phone from the cup holder, dialing your mom's number. She answers and you cry again, explaining the events that just took place, telling her that you needed to move back home. You reach your apartment complex after half an hour, unlocking the door and heading straight for your bed.

Logan stood in the parking lot, breathing heavily and angrily. He watched as your car disappeared from view, still unable to do anything. He wanted to follow you, but he had no idea where you lived anymore. He knew that he could easily track you down, but stopped himself from doing so. Thinking about your last comment kept replaying in his mind as he and Cathy got on the bike. A small part of him felt guilty for hurting you, but he shoved it down. Logan decided going home with Cathy was the only thing he could do to distract himself.

You lay in bed, sobbing with pure anger coursing through your veins. You needed something to do before you ended up hurting yourself or someone else. You stand up and head over to your closet, rummaging in the back. You pull out a box from the very back of the closet marked "Logan." You hoisted it up to stomach level before bringing it over to the bed. You sit down and open the box up, meeting the smiling Logan picture you had taken with the polaroid camera that he had bought you for your birthday one year. "why..." you said softly, allowing more tears to fall.

Meanwhile, Logan was in his hotel room, tossing and turning in bed. He couldn't sleep, even after spending hours trying to distract himself by drinking and sleeping with Cathy. No matter what he tried, something in his head kept nagging at him to get up and seek you out. Logan felt even about everything after sleeping with Cathy. He let out a frustrate groan at his own inner thoughts. He just didn't understand why he was so bothered by what you had said, especially the last part.

You carefully pull out every picture, every little ticket stub, anything involving Logan, out of the box. You throw your hair up into a sad excuse of a bun, staring at everything with a deeper newfound hurt within your heart. "How could he say we were never in love? When everything right here says otherwise....Right?" You say out loud to yourself, in disbelief that Logan would even dare to make a comment like that. "Or was it all just something to pass the time for him?"

Logan had gone back to bed a half hour after walking around the hotel room. He sat up in bed, leaning his back against the headboard. He was staring into nothing but empty darkness, thinking about tonight's interactions. The same words kept running through his head like they were on a loop.

"Never loved you..."

He clenched his jaw again, hearing those words replay over and over, driving him damn near insane. He ran a calloused hand over his face, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Drinking vodka straight from the bottle, you curse Logan's existence. Alcohol was not something you lived off of, like him. Well, at least until the divorce. It was the only common factor in your life, and it helped you sleep at night. Without it, you spent the entire night, tossing and turning. Seeing and dreaming of nothing but Logan's face. Men were never on the table for self discussion after Logan. He was the most perfect man in your eyes. Sure, he had his long list of issues, as did you. But somehow, two broken people, made one whole. So why would you even try to find that again? Just to have a paper trail of heartbreak after heartbreak? No thanks, you'll stick to vodka and lonely nights in this run down shit excuse of an apartment, right outside of the busiest part of the city.

You had discarded the idea of looking through the box anymore, planning to throw it away in the morning when you began packing. Vodka and the hottest bath on Earth would be the temporary solution to a permanent problem, you thought to yourself. After running the bath, you sank down into the scolding heat of the bath. Far enough down that it tickled right underneath your nose. The thought of going under and never coming back up for air was beginning to form easily in the back of your mind with nearly an entire bottle of vodka in your system.

Over at his hotel, Logan couldn't take sitting there anymore. He was jut thinking and thinking about you and everything you had said to him. He finally got out of the bed, careful enough to avoid waking Cathy. He made his way into the bathroom, splashing water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. He had dark circles under his eyes and his facial hair was scruffed around in a disgusting way. He splashed more water on his face, trying to get it together and stop the intrusive thoughts that were quickly taking over his mind.

Back at your apartment, you continue dancing around the idea of never having to carry the pain anymore. Taking one large gulp of air, you plunge the rest of your head underwater. Lungs screaming out and burning for air, feeling almost too good for you in this very moment. The thoughts of Logan and the events that took place today swirling through a dangerous storm within your head. The mourning of your miscarriage sending you completely over the edge. You resurface as fast as you had gone down. Gasping for air that you lungs so desperately needed, before dragging yourself out of the tub. You wrap yourself up in a towel before staring at yourself in the cracked mirror. "Alone, broken, miserable, fucking Jesus.. I can't fucking do this any more" you thought to yourself, feeling the vodka getting the best of you. You yell at yourself in anger before punching out the mirror. The start of everything down hill. Anything that could be picked up, was thrown. Anything you could think of, broken or damaged severely. The tears had come flowing again, all the while, cursing Logan's existence and the fact that he came and left so quickly from your life with no remorse.

Logan was in the middle of brushing his teeth, a desperate attempt to make himself appear more presentable than he had since you drove off earlier that night. His head suddenly jarred from the pain that came about. It was a pain that almost hit him like a truck. He dropped the toothbrush out of his mouth, gripping the counter hard enough to hear the porcelain crack beneath his grip in attempts to keep himself standing upright. He grunted quietly, the pain quickly increasing and only getting worse by the minute. In a small moment of clarity, he knew something was wrong. Just by a gut feeling..

You continue throwing things within the four tiny walls that made up your bathroom. Ignoring the raging headache and the blood trickling down your hand from the piece of mirror you had grabbed to throw. You no longer have anything to throw, everything unsalvageable. Leaning against the wall and sliding down it until your bottom hit the cold tiling of the floor. You're still warm from the alcohol, but knowing that you're more than likely freezing from the soaked bath towel still clinging to your skin. You look down at your hand, to inspect the cut you had self inflicted. Clean, precise almost. Something simply superficial that you can mend when you're sober. The last thing you need tonight is explaining to a doctor "Oh yeah, this? I threw a temper tantrum because I ran into my ex and accidentally cut my hand during said temper tantrum with a broke piece of my bathroom mirror."

Logan was starting to get a feeling of intense anxiety and dread, almost as if someone was in danger. He closed his eyes, focusing on it for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly, a realization hit him.

You.

He was feeling something from you. That's the source of the headache he got and he just knew it. He gripped the counter harder, knuckles white before the porcelain shattered beneath the intensity of his grip. Logan didn't know what was going on, but he was starting to panic.

You finally get up from the floor of the bathroom, You stare at the shattered bottle that once held your sweet ticket to sleep. You carefully walk around the debris and out of the bathroom, making your way into the kitchen to the special cupboard. The cupboard that held your ability to sleep and function at home. You opened the door, nothing. Empty as you felt all night. " Great, a fucking alcoholic, just like my ex-husband." you mutter to yourself as you slam the cupboard shut. You definitely were beginning to feel the pain in your hand, a sign that you were not sleeping tonight if you didn't go out and pick up more vodka. You trudged to your bedroom, peeling the towel from your body. You threw on some underwear and a bra, before rummaging through your drawers. You pause, momentarily before grabbing a battered pair of sweatpants. Logan's sweatpants you had managed to steal from him before he left forever. You slid them on and threw a white long sleeve on. You grabbed your jacket once you walked to the living room, slipping it while sliding your shoes on. You lock your apartment door, exiting the building and beginning your sad excuse of an adventure to the nearest liquor store that was 24 hours.

Logan was practically pacing around the room, the headache and anxiety only getting worse. It also felt like he was having a feeling of deja vu. He let out a frustrated curse, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere like this. Whatever was going on with you felt...familiar. And that realization was only making him panic more. Logan mumbled a few words, laced with curses, while throwing his leather jacket and boots on. Stalking out of the room, heading to his motorcycle. He needed to find you and fast before something bad happened...

Stumbling down the sidewalk, constantly brushing the hairs that had escaped from your bun, you tripped an fell. " Fuck....." you exclaim to yourself as you used your wounded hand as a brace for impact. You get up slowly, pain surging through your hands and knees from the fall. The walk to the store becoming much slower.

Logan had finally gotten on his bike, revving the engine and starting it. He took off down the road, heading in the direction he figured would lead him to you. He knew it was a bit of a shot in the dark, but he had a gut feeling and he couldn't shake it. He could start to get a slightly better idea of where you were on the other side, though it wasn't quite strong enough to pinpoint exactly where you were at. Logan was just going to have to drive around until he found you unfortunately.

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I'm so sorry for the drop of guys :(((( But I will hopefully have part two up by tomorrow evening! Again, I really hope you enjoyed!

#logan howlett x fem!reader #wolverine smut #logan howlett x f!reader #wolverine x f!reader #sel recs #logan howlett #logan howlet smut #logan howlett smut #wolverine x you #logan howlett x you

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scoonsalicious · 9 months ago

Text

Unwanted: Chapter 29, Unarmed, Redux - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of injury, death, human trafficking.

Word Count: 1.5k

Previously On...: It was the final showdown! And you died.

A/N: We begin to wrap everything up :(

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

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You crawled back toward consciousness with the unsettling sensation of deja vu. Bright lights, pain in your abdomen, the sound of machines incessantly beeping. You tried to pull the covers over your head, but your left arm didn’t seem to want to move.

Well, that was new, anyway.

“The fuck am I in the hospital for now?” you murmured to yourself. “One miscarriage wasn’t bad enough?”

“Ex-fucking-scuse me?” came Tony’s shocked voice from your bedside. “One fucking what now?!”

You slowly opened your eyes. “Uh… hey, Boss. How’s it going?” You glanced over at Tony; he looked terrible, eyes red rimmed and puffy. “What’s wrong? Why do you look like you’ve been crying?”

Tony barked out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? You had us all scared half to death, Kiddo. Pretty sure it took ten years off my life when word came in that Carthage fucking shot you. You know, you were clinically dead for seven whole minutes?! Longest seven minutes of my life– even longer than the Seven Minutes in “Heaven” I spent with Alice Seymour in 7th grade.” Tony shivered.

You blanched. “Seven minutes? Holy shit. I’m sorry, Tony.” You weren’t sure why you were apologizing; you hadn’t shot yourself, after all, but you still felt awful for making him worry.

Tony came to sit alongside you on the bed. “Hey,” he began, taking a hold of your hand, “you have nothing to be sorry for. At all. You warned us from the beginning that Carthage was rotten. We should have done a better job of protecting you from her. I should have done a better job of protecting you.”

“It’s not your fault, Boss,” you told him, squeezing his hand. “None of us could have realized how far gone she was until it was too late. Where is she, anyway? On a one-way trip to The Raft, I hope?”

Tony looked away from you, toward the door of your room. “Not necessary,” he said. “She’s dead.”

You sat up quickly, wincing in pain at the tugging in your abdomen as you did so.

“Easy there, Kiddo,” Tony said, helping you get upright. “You had major abdominal surgery just a few days ago; you’re gonna pull your stitches.”

You let go of Tony’s hand to gingerly prod at your stomach, flinching as you came into contact with the heavy gauze that concealed your incision. Looking back up at him, you asked: “What do you mean, ‘she’s dead,’ Tony? What the fuck happened?”

Tony cleared his throat and poured you a cup of water, as if needing to busy his hands while he considered how to go about saying what he had to tell you. “We pulled up in the Quinjet probably only a few moments after you were shot,” he said, handing the cup to you. You took it gratefully, not realizing until that moment how parched you’d been. “Barnes was holding you in his arms, just sobbing, and… God, Pocket, there was so much blood. We thought you were done. I’ve never– I’ve never seen him like that before. He wouldn’t let go of you. Cap and Point Break had to hold him off so we could get you into the jet’s onboard Cradle; he just didn’t want to be apart from you. Kept screaming it was all his fault, he should be the one who was dead instead of you. Can’t say that, in the moment, I disagreed. We ended up having to sedate him.”

As Tony spoke, bits and flashes of the event came back to you– Bucky offering himself to Jade in exchange for your life, seeing his lips on hers, the sensation of Jade’s bullet ripping through your flesh.

“Once we got you stable, we went back out and found Carthage’s body. I’m not one hundred percent sure what happened, because Barnes still won’t talk about it, but, well, her neck was snapped.”

You blinked in shock. He’d killed her, for you. When it mattered, when it truly, truly mattered, he’d picked you over her. “Wow,” was all you could get out.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed softly.

“Where is he, Boss?” you asked, looking up at him desperately. You needed to see Bucky right away, needed to thank him for saving your life, to apologize.

“I’ve, uh… I’ve been kind of keeping him away,” Tony admitted reluctantly.

“Why?!” you asked, hurt and shocked. “Why would you do that, Tony?”

Tony looked at you defensively. “Because he admitted what he did to you, Pocket. How he hurt you, again, and again. All of it. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t going to let him come near you after everything he’d done. It was his fault you were in this mess to begin with. He’s lucky I didn’t fucking kill him. If he had stayed away from her, been faithful to you from the beginning–”

“Tony,” you interrupted, putting a hand on his forearm to stop him. “Please trust me when I tell you that the situation is a lot more complicated than it appears from the outside, okay? I’ve… I’ve seen things, things that showed me how badly she manipulated him, got into his head. I’m not saying he’s blameless,” you were quick to add when Tony opened his mouth to protest. “He’s got a lot to make up for– I know that; I’m just saying that the party who bears the most responsibility is dead. I want to see him. Please. I owe him my life.”

Tony pursed his lips as he assessed you, mulling over your words. “It’s against my better judgment,” he finally said, “but it’s your call. I’ll send him in.” He stood up, leaning forward to kiss the crown of your head.

“Tony, wait!” you said, before he could go too far. “The missing women. The strip club. What happened with them?”

“You did good, Kiddo,” he said with a smile. “Once we got you outta there, we were able to retrace your location to find the Hydra base where they were keeping you and get into their files– they kept records of every woman they sold, who they sold to, and where they went. SHIELD’s already picked up several of the buyers and identified the key players based on what you’ve been able to get us. We’ve been able to recover seven of the women so far, but Nat’s optimistic we can track down even more.”

You let out a shaky exhale. Seven women, saved from trafficking, with your help. “That’s amazing, Boss,” you said.

“And as for the club, Kozlov’s been arrested on a slew of charges; don’t anticipate he’ll be breathing fresh air anytime soon. And your buddy? Dimitri? He was real happy to start cooperating with us if it meant he didn’t go down with his boss.”

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief, a weight being lifted off your shoulders. They weren't going to be able to hurt anyone else, you thought to yourself. You’d help make sure of that. Maybe you could make your amends to Chloe, after all.

An idea came to you then. “Boss,” you began, “how much money’s in my swear jar now?”

Tony gave you a bemused look. “Kind of a weird time to be asking about that.” He pulled up his phone and touched the screen several times before letting out a low whistle. “Well I’ll be damned, Pocket. You certainly have quite the potty mouth– there’s almost half a mil in there!”

“I’ve sworn half a million times in the last twenty months?” you asked, incredulous.

“Do you doubt it?” Tony answered, grinning.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” you said with a smile. “Do me a favor? Take that money and divide it up among the surviving women, okay? They’re gonna need resources for a fresh start.”

“That’s real generous of you, Kiddo,” Tony said, giving you a fond smile. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, well, I learned from the best,” you half-shrugged, grinning back at him. “Gotta pay it forward, right?”

Tony nodded, then turned toward the door. “I’ll make sure it’s taken care of,” he said. “And I’ll send in Barnes."

“Thanks, Tony.”

“Oh, and if there’s one thing this entire ordeal’s taught me,” he said as he put his hand on the doorknob, “it’s that life is short. I’m gonna ask Pep to marry me.”

“Tony!” you exclaimed, delight coursing through you. “That’s fantastic! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

Tony smiled at you. “Be flattered, kiddo. You’re number two to know.” With a wink, he was out the door.

You closed your eyes, smiling to yourself. Tony Fucking Stark was finally settling down. You honestly thought you’d never live to see the day. Fuck, you almost hadn’t. You felt a dull ache in your left arm. It had been strapped down in a sling to your torso, preventing you from moving it, and you had the sinking suspicion there were probably pins holding the fracture in place. You were certainly in line for a long road to recovery.

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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21witnokidz · 5 months ago

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The Lady in My Life

Summary: 09!Ghost who lost his wife to his job meets 22!Ghost who also lost his wife to his job.

09!Ghost is green. 22!Ghost is blue.

Warning: Miscarriage, death, smut

“Sorry mate but I just don’t believe any this shite coming out your mouth”

“I can hardly bloody believe it myself gov”

Simon Riley, well the first one. The one who says he time traveled here from the past. A past where Simon accidentally walked into a time machine while securing an underground bunker.

“You said it’s 2022 yeah? Well I reckon I jumped 13 years into the future”

Simon had to take a step back. He was looking at himself from 13 years ago. And it’s been 13 years since…

“Right, my name is Simon Riley uh I used to have a brother named Tommy who passed..”

Simon’s ears immediately perked at the sound of his brother’s name. He told no one about his brother except for his ex wife. He was actively listening to Simon as he carried on.

“And I used to have a girl who loved me” Simon uncrossed his arms and slowly made his way to Simon who was visibly seen getting emotional and shifting his weight. “We had a little boy but then…”

“I know” Simon put his hand on the younger Simon’s shoulder.

“Now you know I ain’t no proper chap but the least I can do is help you adapt here until we find a way to bring you back” Simon said slamming a bottle of whiskey on the table. “You love Kentucky right?

“I fucking love Kentucky”

They began to pour each other drinks while talking about their lives.

“You know I always wondered why we were so afraid of that skull mask. It looks fucking amazing on us”

“Yea well we knew Tommy had an ugly mug under that mask so that was probably the cause of all the terror”

The Simons had gotten to a point where they were laughing at their own past traumas over some liquor in the common area of the base. But after a while it wasn’t so funny anymore.

“Do we ever get over it?”

“We do. It took some time but we did”

“I just always blame myself”

“There was nothing we could’ve done”

There was a beat of silence for a minute.

“I don’t ever think I’ll forget the look on her face”

“But it was for the best. If we hadn’t done what we did our families could’ve gotten hurt” Simon slumped in the couch and threw an arm over his eyes.

“What the hell are you on about? This is 13 years in the future innit? Our family has been dead for over a decade now!”

Even if Simon was shitfaced drunk before that sure as hell woke him up now.

“Bloody hell! Are fucking mad!? My family is completely safe in Manchester you bloke!”

Simon didn’t care if this Simon had the exact same memories as him they are not the same. He would never utter those words even while intoxicated.

“You said you lost your family too?”

“Yes I had to leave them sadly, but it was to keep them safe. What the fuck makes you think they’re dead?”

Simon shot out of his seat and was fully angry at the man he thought was him.

“You left your bloody family! You promised Y/n you loved her!”

Now it was Simon’s turn to stand up and shout.

“I do fucking love her! I loved her all the time when we were together. Even when we lost our second baby…” Simon had to stop to really focus in on what Simon was saying. “My job was putting too much stress on her. Ever since Johnny died”

Simon took a final swig of his whiskey before slamming it down. “You don’t even remember any of that do you? Sorry mate but you’re not me. Nobody has gone through what I’ve gone through”

“Johnny’s dead? But he was Y/n’s best friend”

“Yea and we promised to keep her safe remember? And you couldn’t even do that”

“I have the same name as you and everything. This is the Task Force 141 base innit? There’s no other reason why it would be that easy for me to find you”

“Well maybe you’re from a different universe or some shit I honestly lost interest in the ‘how’ at this point”

“Well I am you then. Just slightly different”

“No we’re still the same. Just two men with no families to go to”

“You just told me your family is in Manchester gov. They’re still here”

“I’m just no good for them”

“Are my words flying in one ear and out the other? I just fucking said we’re different. I failed at protecting my family and I can never take that back. But if it’s been 13 years and you’ve still been able to keep your wife and kids alive then I’d say that makes you a winner. The better Simon if you will”

Simon picked up another bottle and started heading to the door. “Hell if you don’t wanna face your family then I will. I fucking miss my wife and I just can wait to see her again. I was able to find you I can surely find them”

Simon dashed to the door filling the space between it and Simon.

“I get what you said okay? I just.. need to get myself together before seeing them. And I need to tell Price I’ll be back soon”

“Tell the bloke you need at least the weekend”

Simon pulled up to the house he bought for you and you son when y’all first got married. He’s been living in a shitty apartment ever since the divorce.

“Just remember she already lost her second child, her best friend, and you made her lose a husband so you really have to be gentle”

“Right.. you wanna come with? I’m sure we could just explain this all to her?”

Simon approached the house with younger Simon in tow and unsteadily knocked on the door already regretting his decision.

The door opened for him to see a handsome man with an underdeveloped mustache in front of him.

“Can I help you?”

Simon was ready to swing before he saw those beautiful eyes. Your eyes.

The grown man he was about to knock out was his boy. Little Tommy.

Simon could feel himself tearing up. Why did the Tommy in his universe have to look exactly like his own? How is he standing here healthy and happy instead of being buried in the dirt?

Simon could sense the uncertainty in the boy’s eyes. He didn’t recognize him. It’s been 13 years after all.

“Is your mother home?”

“Uh sure. MUM! Someone’s here to see you!” Tommy turned to Simon “Would you like to come in? We’ve got some tea on the stove”

You were always brewing tea around this time.

The Simons just nodded as they waited for the boy to let them in. As he entered the home he could hear the footsteps. The footsteps he memorized early upon first meeting you. Simon just kept his eyes on the steaming kettle to try and avoid making eye contact.

You came down and immediately recognized your guests. But it’s almost like you were seeing double. One looked like your husband when he left you all those years ago. And the other just looked terrible.

“Tommy could you go upstairs please?”

Tommy could sense the tension and made his way upstairs. When you see him enter his bedroom you turned to your ex husband.

“Love, it’s a lot to explain and I wouldn’t even know where to begin but- this is Simon Riley from another universe. A universe 13 years in the past. He says you and Tommy are dead over there”

You looked at the younger Simon’s face. You could tell he was from a different universe. He actually looked guilty for what he’s done.

“Do you wanna see him? He’s grown so much over the years”

Simon nodded. “I’ll just say I’m a cousin from out of town who used to hold him when he was a baby”

You and Simon watched him go upstairs and you turned to him when the door shut.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m sorry”

“Why are you here? You think I need you after all these years where I had to fend for myself and raise our child alone? I get the other Simon just wanted to see his family again but I truly don’t know why you’re here”

“He made me realize that you two are the safest when you’re with me. That I’m capable of keeping you safe. He made me realize that the only thing you needed was me. Especially in those times”

Simon tried not to choke on his words but he felt the emotions crashing over him.

“I blame myself for Johnny’s death it was my fault. We lost the baby because I couldn’t be strong for you. I lost my family because I wasn’t enough”

You dropped the stern face and walked over to him. He fell to his knees as you let him cry into your stomach.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry”

He would repeat those words over and over until they were just incoherent mumbles into your abdomen.

You ran your fingers through his short blonde hair and forced him to look up at you. “What happened to Johnny wasn’t your fault. The miscarriage could’ve happened to anyone. And you didn’t lose your family because you weren’t enough. You were just scared. You didn’t fail at anything Simon”

Those were the words Simon has been waiting to hear for 13 years. Who knew all he had to do was just come back and apologize?

“I still love you. So much”

“I love you too”

To that Simon smiled.

“I’d do anything to be part of this family again”

“Anything?”

“Fuck Si baby!”

Simon continued his attack on your soaked cunt, rolling his tongue around your aching clit, having you grind on his face.

Simon missed his son but he really missed how fucking crazy you’d go whenever he had you on your back with his head stationed between your thighs.

“I missed this so fucking much lovie”

“Alright move over. I’ve spent 13 dumb fuck years without my girl on my face and it’s time for me to get that time back”

Simon backed off and allowed the older Simon to take his place.

“I’m not as young as him and it’s been years since I’ve done this so be patient love” Simon chuckled. “You know what to do anyway. Just run your hands through my hair and guide me where you want me”

It’s almost like muscle memory kicked in for him as soon as he smelled your scent he just knew what to do.

“Oh Simon you fucking liar- fuck! You know exactly what you’re doing”

Simon tongued your needy hole so deep you had to close your thighs around his face and trap him there. You knew that was his favorite thing in the world though because it meant you were about to bless him with your orgasm.

He moved from your hole and back to your clit and began sucking on it. Hearing you whine from having your hole being empty. He stuffed two thick fingers and digged them deep until he found that spongy spot in your pussy and began massaging it.

You could feel the pressure building up as you kept grinding on Simon’s mouth and fingers until.

“Well what’s this then? I’ve never been able to make the missus squirt”

“I better call Price and tell him I need more than the weekend”

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #simon riley #cod x reader

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ryuzakemo128 · 3 months ago

Text

Grim Reaper Part Eight

Pairing: Poly 141 x female reader / Female reader/ You x Her mental health x König

Content Warnings: Violence, bloodshed, injuries, affair mentioned, miscarriage mentioned.

Words: 1283

Masterlist - Prequel - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine

Supernatural AU — Poem

Credit for Dividers: @cafekitsune + @strangergraphics

Summary:

He scoffed, finally looking up. “This isn't just your house, it's our house. You can't just leave and expect me to deal with everything.”

“It was yours since you bought it.” you corrected. “You don't get to kidnap me and expect me to play nice, König.”

The image in the back of your mind repeating as your ex-husband sat on the other side of you. The dark ebony dining table covered in foods he would have wanted you to engorge yourself with while he was off with his mistress in Austria.

Another choice he made for you in complete and total disregard of whatever you would have wanted.

She was a rose and you were a lilly.

He would always want her.

You will never have him.

“I don't see why you're here.” you commented.

He didn't look up from his plate. “It's a peace offering.”

“For ruining the marriage?” you countered.

The room was eerily quiet, the only sound being the clank of his fork against the ceramic plate. His jaw tightened as he chewed, and you could see the tension in his neck muscles as he swallowed his food. The air grew thick with unspoken accusations.

“It wasn't all me,” he finally said, not meeting your gaze. “You had your… issues.”

“I met you when I was a fresh-faced 19-year-old woman. You don't get to skirt along the blame and state it was my issues that made you stick your cock in her pussy.” you stated.

“I left you at 29. I don't want to be reminded of what you didn't want.” you added as you got up from your chair to leave to the room he would lock you inside.

He sighed heavily, setting down his fork. “Look, I know it's not easy for you, but we're here to talk about the house, not to rehash the past.”

“I moved out, remember, and stripped it of everything I ever put inside it. You don't get to have me.” you stated.

He scoffed, finally looking up. “This isn't just your house, it's our house. You can't just leave and expect me to deal with everything.”

“It was yours since you bought it.” you corrected. “You don't get to kidnap me and expect me to play nice, König.”

König's eyes narrowed at the mention of his name. It was a stark reminder of the power dynamics that once existed between you, and how little they meant now. He had always been a man of control, of precision, but you had grown stronger in his absence. Your voice was steady, the tremors of fear long gone, replaced with a cold, hardened resolve.

“You can't just waltz in and out of my life like this,” you continued, crossing your arms over your chest. “We're done. The house is yours. I have no claim to it anymore.”

König stood up, his chair scraping against the hardwood floor. He slammed his fist on the table, making the plates rattle. “You think you can just walk away? After everything I've done for you, all the money I've spent, all the times I've had to clean up your messes?”

“I miscarried a child while you were off fucking some 20-year-old woman. I lost that child, and you weren't there!” you yelled at him.

His face contorted into a snarl. “That's your fault, not mine.”

“My fault? My fault? I did everything I could. I was excited for that damn child,,, you heartless monster.” you grabbed a plate, slamming against his face. “I did everything that doctor of yours told me to do.”

König's eyes widened in shock, a trickle of blood running down his cheek from where the plate had cut him. He reached up to touch the wound, his expression a mix of anger and disbelief. “You're not well,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Neither are you. You refused to fuck me, even when I begged you to beforehand. You fucked me once and that was it.”

He grabbed your wrist, squeezing until you felt the bones threaten to snap. “You never knew how to keep your mouth shut.”

”I would rather lose my life and this child than ever be with someone like you again. You never wanted me like I wanted you. Let go of me.”

The grip on your wrist tightened, and you could feel the beginnings of a bruise forming under his thumb. “You're delusional,” he spat. “You're the one who can't keep your head on straight.”

“I wonder why that is. I have an ex-husband who would rather use me, parents who abused me, and a life so miserable I had to run to Alaska to pick the pieces back up.”

König's grip loosened slightly, his eyes searched yours for any hint of weakness, any crack in your newfound resolve. But there was none to be found. Your eyes were a storm of anger and pain, yet there was a calmness in them, a peace that said you had accepted the hand you were dealt and had moved on.

“You're just a sad, pathetic excuse for a soldier,” he sneered, trying to regain control of the conversation. “Look at you, you can't even hold your own family together.”

“Not my family anymore.” you whispered into his ear. “Not my problem. Not mine to keep. Fucking pathetic excuse of a husband.”

He threw you across the room, and you watched the wall come closer, closer until your vision was filled with the stark white paint and the sound of your body hitting it was like a gunshot in the quiet room. You felt your back crack, the pain shooting down your spine.

“You're mine!” he roared, his face red with rage as he approached you. “Always have been, always will be.”

“Your bitch of a mistress caused that first miscarriage.” you told him. You don't know why you would because it didn't matter right then.

He was on top of you, his hands around your neck, squeezing until your eyes began to bulge out. The room started to spin, and everything went fuzzy around the edges. The pain was intense, but it was a pain you were all too familiar with. The pain of your ex-husband's grip was the same pain you felt when you had to watch him leave you for someone else. The same pain you felt when your ADHD made it impossible to focus on his lies. The same pain you felt when your PTSD took over your body in the middle of the night, leaving you trembling and cold.

“Do it. Kill me. Do it to make yourself feel more like a man by killing a defenseless woman like a pathetic moron that you always will be.” you wheezed. “Do it. Kill the baby inside me as well, like your girlfriend did.”

König's eyes bulged at the revelation. He froze, his hands still around your neck. You could see the doubt and fear creeping into his eyes. “You're lying,” he choked out.

“I never lie.”

With a snarl, he released your neck, and you gasped for air, your chest heaving. He stumbled back, the weight of your words heavy on his shoulders. The room was spinning, not just from the lack of oxygen, but from the horror of his own actions and the truth that had just been slapped across his face. You could see the gears turning in his mind, trying to piece together the reality you had just laid before him.

“Look at you.” you cackled. “Impregnating your ex-wife, and you were about to kill her.”

He staggered back, his hand hovering over the blood that was now staining the white collar of his shirt. The room was spinning, and you could feel the beginnings of a smirk form on your face despite the agonising pain that radiated through your body. The taste of victory was sweet on your tongue.

“Victory is the sweetest taste.” you mocked. “Didn't you say that once, dear?”

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