#that you had a miscarriage with your ex

[aintgottaprayforme]

taylor has ALWAYS been a confessional songwriter. she used to put secret messages in her lyric booklets so that we could know even more of her story! she wants us to know her! to understand her! but the thing is, we only have her permission to talk about what she/her friends/her team put out there. and sometimes that means reading between the lines and analyzing and making connections! she’s an artist! that’s what you do with art!

what deuxmoi does violates that bond. they talk about things they have no business speculating about. they post for followers, clicks, and attention. and, in the process, they hurt taylor and the people in her life bc there are many who believe what deuxmoi says is fact. gaylors are the same! matty theorists are the same!! this kind of baseless speculation is cruel and invasive.

taylor just wants us to believe her and get info from her IF and when she’s ready to share it.

[cherrygirlfriend]

touchy subject II

pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: seeing your ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: heavy angst. some fluff. miscarriage/stillbirth. vehicular accident. wc: 2k part 2 of touchy subject. originally posted 11/24/2024

part I & part III

you could feel your heartbeat in your throat, raw with unshed tears, the vision of your ex-fiancé with another woman blurred by nothing but the tears brimming at the edges of your vision, so different from the ones that ran down your cheeks the day you'd said yes to him.

"of course i'll marry you." you pulled rafe to stand up, your arms around him before you could even think about what you were doing, rafe letting out a sigh of relief. "wait, wait, i gotta ask you something." you rushed out, pulling away from the hug, his hands still staying on your waist.

"what is it?"

"is this just because i'm pregnant?" you ask, rafe's brows furrowing in confusion, yet you left him no time to respond, "it's just- i want to marry you, but i don't want you to feel like you have to ask me just because i'm pregnant, and if you want to wait until the baby's-"

you could feel how tired rafe was getting of your rant by the intensity of his lips on yours, using it to interrupt you, his fingers sliding under your jaw to help hold it up to meet his; and just like always, he didn't need to say one word for you to understand what he was communicating to you.

the moment his eyes found yours, it felt as if all the air was punched out of your lungs, like the entire planet just stopped spinning. it didn't matter that the jewelry store's display was separating you; it felt like the first time he looked into your eyes and told you he loved you.

you wanted to run, to make sure you wouldn't have to face him, to have to hear what his voice sounded when you'd already managed to forget how it was to hear it in person, but it was like your feet had rooted to the ground within the few seconds that he spotted you.

and you begged to whatever entity that once you saw him approach the exit to the jewelry store, the other woman long forgotten, that your fight-or-flight instinct would kick in, but luck was never really on your side, because there he stood, his face the same as the last time you saw him, with a few lines added here and there, and a part of you couldn't help but ache at the thought of having missed the moment they appeared.

you looked up at him, into the same eyes you'd once imagined your daughter would have, the thought making the bout of nausea in your throat even worse. a part of you wanted to congratulate him, to tell you that you were happy for him, but it felt like the words were choking you, like they were burning in your throat. but the choice to even say something was taken from you, when you heard the bell above the door to the jewelry store let out a cheery ring.

"rafe…?" the red-haired woman called out, her brows furrowed in question, and the moment your ex turned around to face her, you took the opportunity to turn the other way, begging that your feet would take you away before you threw up on the spot.

"i saw him yesterday."

"it was the first time you saw him in person since you left, correct?"

"yes. i sometimes checked up on his social media, but seeing him like this... so close to me i could touch him... it was pretty jarring. it felt like no time had passed, but also like i hadn't seen him in decades."

"and how did he look?"

"handsome." you chuckled softly, your hand going to fiddle with the locket around your neck, sliding it up and down the golden chain, avoiding looking at the zoom meeting displayed on the laptop screen. "he looked just like he looked with me. he looked happy."

"happy anniversary, rafe." you smiled softly as you pushed the gift box at him, your fiancé letting out a small tut.

"you know you didn't have to get me anything, right? you're enough for me already. both of you are."

"yeah, yeah, stop being all cheesy and chivalrous and open it already." you urged, watching as he lifted the lid of the gift box, his eyes widening as he looked down at the present, but before he could say anything, you stopped him, "look at the back of it!"

rafe rolled his eyes, picking up the steel watch from the box, and you could see his gaze soften the moment his eyes spotted the engraving on the back of the watch, the edges of his lips almost automatically twisting up at the words 'evelyn cameron'.

"is it bad that it makes me feel bitter?" you asked, chewing at the inside of your cheek, "that it's been four years, and i haven't been able to move on, but he has? that he's managed to be happy, but i haven't? that i don't know if i ever will?"

"the loss of a child..."

you couldn't help but tune out the words of your therapist like they were nothing but background noise, not knowing if it would be worse if she tried justifying your anger or if she tried to get you to understand why rafe had managed to move on, your eyes instead focusing on the heart-shaped locket you'd opened, the faces of the couple staring right at you.

"rafe, where are we?" you laughed softly, your feet hurting from the heels you were starting to regret wearing, the blonde having parked his car in front of a random house.

"you didn't think i wouldn't get you an anniversary present, did you?" when you didn't immediately answer, he pressed his hand to his chest in mock offense, shaking his head, "come on. lemme show you."

the two of you got out of the car, your heels clacking against the stone pathway leading to the house, rafe's muscular arm keeping you close to him, helping you walk.

when you got to the door, he let go of you, and you watched as he took out a set of keys without saying anything, twisting them in the lock and pushing open the door, looking to you enthusiastically, extending his hand to you.

the moment you stepped over the threshold, you were enveloped by warmth, rafe flicking on the light next to the entryway before turning to you as your eyes got used to the light, sliding his hands onto your waist, pulling you as close to him as the growing child allowed.

you looked into his eyes, yours filled with confusion while his were filled with nothing but sincerity, his thumb stroking your waist. "rafe, what's this?"

"it's our home." he said, bringing his hand to your bump, "i know it's not much, but it's got enough room for our family."

"rafe, this is-"

"this is my anniversary present for you. i won't take 'no' for an answer." he brushed a strand of hair away from your cheek, tugging it behind your ear, "i want us to build our own home. our own life."

you kicked the radiator in frustration; it seemed like no matter what, the place wouldn't warm up. you'd called a maintenance guy, but they told you that it'd take at least a week for them to get someone there, and in the middle of winter, your only option was to light the fireplace in the middle of the living room while you waited for your mom to arrive with a portable radiator she told you she'd borrow you.

you sat in front of the blazing fire, your fingers fiddling with the frayed edges of the worn-out ultrasound picture you'd looked at a million times, your voice coming out weak from the sobs you were holding in your throat.

"hi, evie." you said softly, looking to the small urn next to you, engraved with the name of your daughter as well as today's date, only five years before. "happy... happy birthday."

"hi, baby." rafe's voice called out from the speakerphone of your car, the windshield wipers wiping away some of the rain falling down on you as you drove through the dark streets lit only by the yellow streetlights above, "are you almost home?"

"i am." you chuckled softly, "seeing my mom was so nice, even though she kept being all cheesy about how big i'd gotten. i swear, she almost cried."

"come on, she's gonna meet her grandkid in a month, of course she's gonna be all cheesy. if my dad had a paternal bone in his body, i'm sure he'd be ecstatic."

"yeah, well, you're not the one whose stomach is constantly getting pawed by people." you let out a snort, looking out into the road, "listen, i'm gonna drop by the store cause little evie's craving chocolate, do we need anything?"

"nah, just need you two home as soon as possible."

"aye aye, captain. see you soon, baby." you laughed, hearing the noise that signaled that the call had been ended, eager to get home and off your feet.

but before you could even realize what was happening, you were faced with a second pair of headlights that was approaching you, another car lit up by your own yellow headlights. and you swerved.

maybe it's a part of the so-called mother's instinct to blame ourselves when something happens to our child. no matter how many people told you that it wasn't your fault, that there was nothing you could've done, every bone, every cell in your body couldn't help but beat yourself up over what happened.

rafe ran down the hospital hallway, the smell of disinfectant mixed with the feeling of his heartbeat in his ears making him feel nauseous, the man sure that it was beating 200/bpm, but finally, when he reached the hospital room the reception had guided him to, a sense of relief took over him.

a nurse walked out of the room, startled by the man, her eyes widening at the obvious sense of urgency he was displaying, "can i help you?" she asked.

"no, no, i'm just here to see my fiancé." rafe said, his hand going for the door, only to be blocked by the nurse.

"i'm sorry, but the patient has told us that she doesn't want any visitors."

"what?" rafe let out a dry, humorless laugh, his brows furrowed, "you have to let me see her, that's my fiancé. that's- that's the mother of my child."

"i'm sorry, but the patient-"

"hey!" rafe pounded the palm of his hand on the door, the hospital bed visible from the rectangle of glass on the door, the man able to see your mother hunched over your bed, holding you. "let me-"

"sir, if you don't calm down, i'm going to have to call the guards and they'll remove you from the premises."

"that's my fiancé!" rafe shouted as the nurse pushed him further from the door, "i have to go see her! you have to let me see her! just tell her that i'm here, she'll want-"

the door to your hospital room swung open, rafe meeting the crestfallen eyes of your mother, her lips pulled into a straight line. "rafe, she doesn't want to see you."

when you heard the doorbell ring, you wiped away the tears that had ran down your cheeks; you didn't want to make it obvious to your mother that you'd spent the last fifteen minutes crying, and even if she could tell by the redness of your eyes, you knew she wouldn't mention it.

you pushed yourself off the ground, placing the small urn and the ultrasound picture on top of the fireplace as you straightened out your sweater, your feet cold against the hardwood floor as you walked to the front door.

but when you pulled it open expecting to see your mother, it felt like all the air had been knocked out of your lungs, like your heartbeat shot through the roof just from the sight of his downcast eyes.

"rafe."

[hellokittykookies]

Someone to keep (love) - J.JK - ONE SHOT - TEASER

pairings : J.JK x FEM! READER

genre : strangers2lovers, smut, angst, fluff, sexworker au, inspired by fifty shades of grey, this fic takes place in la, (will be updated in the full fic.)

warnings : specified in the full fic

sypnosis : Being a sex worker, broke, with a family that despises you is already unfortunate enough, until the universe starts messing with you and sends a nepo baby with a powerful, influential family your way and it just so happens he's always your client everytime. What happens when feelings start to get involved?

"For worse or for better Gonna give it to you In capital letters" - BloodPop and Hailee Steinfeld

publish date : May, 1

DISCLAIMER! : Anything in this story is not true! i am not romanticizing any topics in this story. the characters in this story is not related to the real life version of the idol. i do not know much about the sex working industry but i tried to make research for this fic so please don't hate! just correct me nicely instead, i take critics and feedback as long as it is not a hateful one. please mind this fic was written last year so i am just polishing it now as the original version was much more worse since this fic includes sensitive topics as miscarriage, family abuse, abuse, exploitation, and sa. i do not romanticize any of these topic please. thank you for looking forward to reading this fic!

(this part or scene in the fic is not in the first part of the story)

"Go pee."

"Help me walk then…"

He did. His arms holding me like I was something fragile.

We’re lying back in bed, the duvet pulled over us. The room still smells like sweat and skin.

“I’ll go now,” I said, starting to sit up.

“No… stay till tomorrow,” he says, holding my hand.

“It’s already 4 a.m.,” I say.

“Yeah, so stay till later. Don’t you wanna eat and rest first?” He laughs softly.

“I- this is only sex-”

“Check your bank account,” he says, interrupting. “I sent $1500. I told you, I wanna know you.”

“I’ll send the extra $1K back,” I say, already grabbing my phone.

“Y/N, you’re exhausted. You think I���m letting you walk out at fuckin’ 4 a.m. alone after I just ruined you?”

I sit back down on the bed.

“We just had sex…” I try to remind him.

“Yeah. I wasn’t exactly gentle either, so let me take care of you,” he says without flinching.

“You don’t have to pity me, you know.”

“I don’t pity you. I like you.”

I swallow. “That’s just lust.”

“Alright, then I’ll call you a driver. But at least eat first?”

“…Fine.”

I’m back in my old dress, sitting on the bed. Jungkook’s still naked, casually flipping through the TV. A movie’s playing, but he turns to me.

“Why’d you get into this line of work?” he asks.

I hesitate. “My ex-boyfriend…”

“Must’ve been a real piece of shit. Who gives their girlfriend away to fuck for money?” he mutters.

I look at him. “What?”

He puts his hands up. “Look, if I were your boyfriend, I’d never do that.” He chuckles. “You’re too good for that.”

“You’re rich.”

He raises a brow. “How do you know that?”

“Why else would someone who’s not rich pay to fuck… and throw in a thousand extra?” I scoff.

He grins. “You got me.”

There’s a knock.

“The food’s here,” he says, throwing on a robe and stepping out.

He ordered mac and cheese, a sandwich, and ramen.

“Eat up, baby,” he says, putting it down on the bed.

“Ew. Why do you call me that?”

“Why? You wanna get called gummy bear instead?”

“That’s even worse!”

By the time I finish eating, I gather my stuff.

“The car’s already downstairs. Just tell them your address,” he says.

“Okay… bye, then. And… thank you?” I say, confused.

He just laughs and shakes his head as I close the door behind me.

I get into the car. A notification pops up.

babystarcandy98: can I have another night again? this Saturday?

Jungkook.

me: I’ll check my calendar.

Truth is, I only have three clients this week. But Jungkook… he’s already ruined me for every other guy. I mean, seriously, who’s that big and actually knows how to use it?

babystarcandy98: see you, pretty.

me: seems like I can’t. I have a client. bye.

[rothpie]

❝FIDELITY❞ |part9

MASTERLIST -`✮´- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank

Summary: Kook!Reader’s world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely person—JJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.

Warnings: mentioning miscarriage, blood, mentioning drug and alcohol use, daddy issues

Selly's note: First of all I'm sorry. I wrote this while my heart was broken. I learned my ex left the country. He was the first person I loved. LIKE COME BACK???? We HAVE TO marry!!!!! Sorry for oversharing💗, and if there is a mistake. I didn't re-read this. Love y'all.💗💗

previous - next

Your hands trembled. Your whole body felt numb, yet the shaking tethered you to reality. There was a heavy weight on your chest, as though even breathing had become an uphill battle. A knot in your throat tightened with every passing second, making even the simple act of swallowing painful. You didn’t know what to do. The chaos of the moment was tearing your mind into pieces, your thoughts tangling into a knot so thick you couldn’t unravel it. 

You hadn’t done anything unusual. The day had started like any other. You made yourself some herbal tea, watched TV, read a book about baby development. You cleaned the house a little, then opened the packages that had arrived—items for your daughter’s room. 

Alone. 

Since the moment you arrived in this town, you’d always felt alone, but this was different. This was like falling into a deep, endless chasm, where there was nothing to grasp, no hand to reach for. You could feel your hands flailing in the void, desperately searching, yet finding nothing. 

The warm, sticky sensation spreading down your legs sent a jolt of panic through you. Your eyes flicked downward involuntarily, but you didn’t want to look. Yet it felt as if everything around you was betraying you, even the streetlamp outside, which cast its harsh glow on the spreading pool on the floor. You didn’t want to see it. You feared that seeing it would confirm your worst fears. Your eyes filled with tears, but you couldn’t cry. You wouldn’t cry. Would tears ease the crushing weight of this fear? You doubted it. 

You reached for your phone, but even your fingers trembled. Touching the screen, dialing a number, selecting a name—it all felt like an impossible task. The chaos in your mind blurred your thoughts. Everything was moving too fast and too slow all at once. Seconds stretched into eternities, yet time pressed on, dragging you deeper into helplessness. 

You hadn’t wanted this. You had left the island just for this pregnancy, determined to build a life here. And now, was it all going to be taken from you? After all the effort to adjust, after everything? 

You glanced around. The silence of the room pressed down on you like a weight. It felt as if the entire world had pulled away, leaving you stranded. You knew there were people—so many people—but none of them were close, not really. Placing your hands on your belly, you clung to the small hope that the motion could somehow quiet the storm of fear inside you. But it didn’t work. 

The voices of fear echoed in your mind: What if I’m too late? What if it’s over? What if this loneliness never ends? Each scenario was scarier than the last. You closed your eyes, but even the darkness offered no solace. The images in your head only fanned the flames of your terror. 

When you finally held the phone in your hand, you knew you had to choose someone to call. Should it be your mom? Or your dad? Maybe… someone else? But what if they couldn’t come? That thought pushed you deeper into despair. It suddenly felt as if the entire world had turned its back on you, as if every person was out of reach. The weight of isolation was crushing. 

Your hands were cold and clammy. As your fingers hovered over the screen, trying to pick a name, you felt frozen. You couldn’t move them. It was as though your brain had redirected all its attention to the fluid trickling down your legs and the stabbing pain in your abdomen. Panic consumed you, leaving you paralyzed and unsure of what to do. 

A quiet voice in your mind whispered, Everything will be okay. But it was impossible to believe. That voice was so faint, so far away, drowned out by the louder, darker thoughts. Reality felt so distant that even hope seemed like a luxury you couldn’t afford. While your mind scrambled for answers, your body refused to move. 

You tightened your grip on your belly, as though holding on harder could anchor you to something, anything. Alone in that dark, silent room, you had never felt smaller. The outside world was shut off from you, leaving only your fears, your thoughts, and the suffocating weight of solitude. 

Since moving to this town, you’d thought a lot about loneliness. But now, you truly understood its meaning. Loneliness wasn’t just sitting in silence. It wasn’t merely being by yourself. Loneliness was not having anyone to reach when you needed them most. It was feeling as though your voice couldn’t reach anyone, as though you were invisible. 

The trembling didn’t stop. Your eyes darted around, trying to focus on something, anything, but everything was blurry—not because you couldn’t see, but because you couldn’t concentrate. Nothing made sense in that moment. 

You searched for a way out. But maybe the only thing you could do was wait. That thought terrified you even more. Waiting... it made you feel so helpless, so powerless. But what else could you do? 

Tears welled up again as you struggled to breathe. But each breath felt heavier, each inhale pulling the loneliness deeper into your chest. That loneliness, like a black hole, seemed ready to devour you. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at the pool of liquid spreading on the floor. You couldn’t face it. If you didn’t look, maybe it would stay a bad dream. Maybe this was just paranoia playing tricks on your mind. 

Even though you could feel the warm liquid dripping down your legs, you clung to the hope that you’d wake up. That you’d open your eyes in bed and thank God it was just a nightmare. 

You wanted to wake up. You didn’t want to believe this was real. Not after everything you had done to adjust to this new life. Not after leaving the island to start fresh. 

You had left everything behind. Everyone. 

For a life with your baby. 

You had wanted this baby. Even with your initial doubts, you had wanted it. And for what? To have it taken from you? 

Your eyes shut tight as your hand clenched the phone and your other hand pressed harder against your belly. You wished the pain would stop, that the ache—so reminiscent of a menstrual cramp—would just go away. 

Only days ago, you’d noticed your belly start to show, a tiny swell that made you smile. You had cradled it with your hands, talked to it, even though you didn’t care if it could hear. You wanted it to know you were there. Just a few days ago, you’d been excited about buying clothes for it. 

For this? 

For it to be taken away? 

When you finally opened your eyes, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock. You wanted to block it out. You wanted the sensation in your legs to disappear. For a moment, you convinced yourself it was all in your head. But the warm trickle that followed was a harsh slap of reality. 

Your trembling eyes drifted downward. The sight of the blood pooled on the floor knocked the breath out of you. Your heart skipped, as if an elephant had perched on your chest. Your legs gave way. Falling to the floor hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain in your chest. 

You had never seen them. They’d only been with you for five months, but the thought of that bond breaking—of losing them—felt like your heart was being ripped out. 

When you love something so deeply, does it always have to be taken away? Is that just the way life works? Had everything led to this moment? 

Had you fought with your family, with Rafe, for this? Had you left your entire life behind, moved to this town, just to lose your baby? 

Even your family had started to share your joy. They were thrilled for you, as ecstatic as you were. And now, for what? For this? 

Were you supposed to mourn?

To learn a lesson, did you really have to fall this hard? You hated it. You didn’t want to learn any more lessons. Not if they hurt this much. If growth meant falling like this, you were ready to stay exactly the same—stagnant, unchanging, and safe. 

The moment you felt a fragment of clarity, just enough to push panic aside, you called 911. You couldn’t afford to lose more time. It felt like your mind had snapped back into place, even if only temporarily. 

But you had no idea what you were saying. Your words felt foreign, disjointed, even as you tried to describe what was happening. They assured you they’d come to your home. They told you not to hang up.

Then you realized—you needed to call your family. You needed them with you. Right now, you just wanted to be back in Outer Banks, in your own house, surrounded by the people who had always been there for you. 

If you were there, you wouldn’t feel this crushing loneliness. They would be by your side. 

You didn’t even know how many times you tried. Your fingers repeatedly dialed your mom’s number, then your dad’s, over and over again. Each time, you were met with the same recorded message: unreachable. 

Still, you kept calling, clinging to that faint hope that someone, anyone, would answer. But each attempt ended the same way, the monotone voice echoing the same result. 

And then, without thinking, your fingers moved on their own. They dialed his number. In that moment, you didn’t care about shame or pride. All that mattered was that you needed help. You needed Rafe. Even if the chance was slim, even if it was just a sliver of hope, you needed him to answer. 

As the phone rang, your heart pounded so violently it felt like it would burst out of your chest. Each ring amplified the fragile hope blooming inside you. Your lips moved as if uttering a prayer: “Please pick up.” You needed someone—anyone—to be there, to tell you that everything was going to be okay. Tears streamed down your face as the call rang on, unanswered.

He wouldn’t ignore you, you told yourself. He wouldn’t turn you away. He’d come. You knew he would. He had to. You prayed he wasn’t still angry, that he didn’t hate you for not terminating the pregnancy. 

When the call ended without an answer, you didn’t stop. Your trembling hands hit redial without hesitation. Shame and pride were irrelevant now. You needed him. If he wouldn’t come, you needed him to reach your family. You were utterly alone otherwise. 

Alone. The word echoed like a hollow drumbeat in your chest. 

For a moment, time seemed to stop. The racing of your heart, the chaotic swirl of your thoughts, even your tears—all stilled in the suffocating silence of your own helplessness. But you didn’t give up. You called again. And again. Your trembling fingers barely functioned, struggling to tap the screen. But you kept trying.

Fuck pride. You needed help. You needed someone by your side, someone to hold you, someone to tell you it wasn’t the end. Your lips quivered as you let out a stifled sob. “Please…” When the call went to voicemail yet again, your shoulders shook with the weight of another unanswered prayer. 

Wasn’t this his baby too? Didn’t it matter to him? You hadn’t made this baby alone. Surely he would care. You didn’t need him to grieve with you. You just needed him here. And he would come. Rafe was a lot of things, but when it came down to it, he wouldn’t leave you stranded. 

Not you. 

You had to believe that. You clung to that hope like a lifeline, begging for it to still be true. 

Another sob tore through you, reverberating through the empty room. This time, it came from somewhere so deep inside that it left your chest heavy, crushed under the weight of despair. You prayed he’d answer.

You weren’t strong enough to endure this. 

You didn’t want to do this alone. You fought to steady your trembling lips, desperate to string together the words you’d need to say if he picked up—when he picked up. But once again, the line went dead.

This time, it felt like a door slamming in your face. But it wasn’t just rejection—it was the crumbling of a trust you hadn’t even realized you still held onto. Deep down, you had truly believed he would answer. That he’d help you. That he wouldn’t leave you to face this on your own. 

As the silence deepened, your hands fell to the cold floor, sticky with blood. You didn’t even care. You felt like everything you wanted, everything you’d dreamed of, was slipping through your fingers. Did you not deserve happiness? Had you done something so wrong to deserve this? 

You wanted to scream. To set the house on fire, to rip apart the tiny baby clothes you’d just bought. 

You nearly buried your face in your hands, but the sight of blood on your fingers stopped you. Frantically, you wiped them on your nightgown, trying to erase it. You wanted it gone—needed it gone. You wanted to forget everything that had happened today. 

The phone was still in your hand, your fingers gripping it like it held a flicker of hope. Rafe hadn’t answered. Your family hadn’t answered. Their silence only pushed you deeper into yourself. Your tears began to dry, replaced by a hollow ache gnawing at your insides. 

After your final attempt, you let the screen go dark. The reflection of your tear-streaked face stared back at you from the blackened screen, ghostly and unfamiliar. Your lips still trembled with silent cries, your voice barely audible even to yourself. 

Then, the phone buzzed. The unexpected vibration made you flinch. The screen lit up, and your heart stuttered before racing into overdrive. A message. 

When you saw the name, a fraction of the emptiness lifted. JJ. His name sat there like it belonged, as if the chaos hadn’t touched it. You opened the message, holding your breath. 

How’s it going with your new street animal buddies? Found yourself a soulmate yet?

It was stupid. Ridiculous. But somehow, in all its absurdity, that sarcastic tone cracked something open inside you. A tiny window of light broke through the storm. 

And yet, the relief was fleeting. Looking at the message, then back at the blood pooling on the floor, your emotions surged in a tangle of anger, helplessness, and unrelenting fear. 

You needed him. Right now. Without thinking, your trembling fingers scrolled back to his name.

The name on the screen made your eyes well up. JJ. So ordinary, so simple. Yet, at that moment, it felt like your only tether to life. He’d come. He would, wouldn’t he? 

With trembling hands, you pressed the call button. As you held the phone to your ear, the silence was broken only by the erratic pounding of your heart. Each ring sent a jolt of panic through you—what if he didn’t answer? “Please…” you whispered, barely audible. “Please pick up…”

It felt like you were losing your mind. Was this real? Had he really sent that message? 

“Hey, Princess. I noticed we’ve upped the calls lately. Can’t manage without me, huh—”

The distant sound of sirens reached your ears, and your lips quivered. Even JJ’s voice, with its usual cocky tone, felt like an anchor. Just hearing him talk, hearing that familiar teasing edge—it was everything. It made you feel as if you’d already done all you could. 

“I need you here.” 

The words came out shakily, and there was a pause on the other end of the line. One hand rested in your lap, the other gripping the phone, both stained with blood. 

To be honest, you were terrified. Not just about what might happen but about losing the baby. 

“What’s wrong?” His voice had lost its playful tone, replaced with a sharp seriousness. He was waiting for an answer, but you felt too drained, too scared, to put your fears into words. Saying the possibility of a miscarriage out loud felt impossible. 

How did he always know? How could he tell when you needed him the most? Was he like this with everyone, or just you? 

When he said your name, you tried to take a deep breath, but it came out broken and shallow. The sirens were getting closer. “I’m bleeding.” The weight of the words nearly crushed you as they left your lips, leaving you lightheaded—not from pain, but from the sheer gravity of it. 

You were so used to him being there. The idea of him leaving, of him not being there, was unbearable. “I called everyone, but—”

“I’m on the way. Did you call 911? Listen, I’ll be there, okay? Don’t worry. I’ll get there as fast as I can. You’ll be fine. You’re going to be fine. I’ll meet you at the hospital. Okay? I need you to say something.” His words were quick, determined, unwavering. 

You nodded instinctively, even though you knew he couldn’t see it. Even if this was your fate, you didn’t want to accept it. 

“I’m scared.” A sob escaped your lips as the sirens grew louder. They were on your street. 

“I’m coming. Everything’s going to be okay.”

—

Last night was ordinary. A night that fell short of expectations—not that Rafe knew what he was expecting anymore. He had become a ghost of himself, far from anything resembling pride. 

Had he ever been proud of himself, really? 

He couldn’t focus on the future or the present; he was stuck in the past. 

His eyes had searched for you everywhere. There wasn’t a corner of the Outer Banks he hadn’t roamed. The beach, parties, the country club—he’d scoured them all, just to catch a glimpse of you. 

He even shopped at the grocery store near your house, the one far from his own. Almost every day, he’d find himself there, grabbing a drink, some crackers, whatever he could justify, just to linger for a chance to see you. 

He missed your presence. Your scent. 

He missed the moments in bed with you—not the sex, but the times he held you in his arms, kissed you, and just existed in your warmth. He missed looking into your eyes, the overwhelming urge to tell you he loved you. 

But Rafe was a coward. He couldn’t admit that to anyone, not even himself. And you? You already knew. You didn’t need to hear it from anyone. 

He hadn’t told his father. He hadn’t told anyone—Topper, Kelce, Sarah, even Wheezie. Not that anyone else could really understand. 

You were the only one who truly knew him. And he’d lost you. Because he was a coward. 

He missed the sound of your voice. If he could go back, he’d want you to talk more in those old videos. He’d spend hours talking to you if he had the chance again. 

He couldn’t adjust to your absence. 

When he threw himself into alcohol, he didn’t think much about it. When had he ever truly sat down and thought anything through? All he knew was how to make impulsive decisions that wrecked his life. 

He couldn’t stand Topper and Kelce’s phases of chasing random girls, calling them over, laughing at nothing. Rafe’s mind, body, and soul belonged to you. He couldn’t bring himself to touch or even look at anyone else. 

Every time he closed his eyes, every time he tried to sleep, the only image in his head was your face. 

He hadn’t touched another woman. Not that he tried. He knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t be you. 

There was a time when he thrived on quick, meaningless flings. He hated attachments—blamed it on his childhood. He figured it was because he didn’t know what it meant to make love. He never let emotions into it. But with you, it was different. 

It was intoxicating—better than anything drugs had ever made him feel. It was addictive. 

He loved whispering “I love you” while he was with you. It made him feel like less of the mess he knew he was. But even then, he hadn’t said it enough—like the idiot he was. 

You had been gone from his life for almost four months, and the void was unbearable. Not even when he’d tried to quit drugs had he craved their presence the way he craved yours. 

It was like he was a teenager nursing his first heartbreak. And yet, somehow, this was the mildest punishment he thought he deserved for his cowardice. 

He’d worked so hard to get Ward’s approval, to finally be seen by his father. Ward was noticing him now, for the first time. He could see Rafe’s potential, and Rafe knew it. For once, it wasn’t Sarah he was looking at—it was him. 

For the first time, Ward saw Rafe accomplishing something for Cameron Development. For the first time, Rafe gave his father the impression that he was capable of more. After years of begging for attention, Rafe was finally getting it. 

But it had cost him you. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his father’s approval. He couldn’t face that rejection again. Ward had finally placed a hand on his shoulder, and Rafe didn’t want to feel that hand pulled away. 

He hadn’t wanted to lose you, either. That was never part of the plan. It just… happened. Too fast. And he’d been too scared. 

Scared of seeing that disappointment in his father’s eyes again. 

Everyone around him noticed his spiraling depression, even Topper and Kelce. Though he never opened up to them, they could tell something was wrong. If they noticed, then everyone else must’ve, too. Not that Rafe cared. Nobody dared bring it up to him anyway. 

Under Topper and Kelce’s relentless pressure, he found himself at a party. Not to have fun. Not to let loose. But to see you. He spent the night searching for you, glancing around like you might walk in at any second. 

He looked for your old friends, the ones he’d seen you with before. He hoped you’d be there, even though he knew it was unlikely. You were pregnant. You probably wouldn’t come. But the possibility, however slim, was enough to drag him there. 

That same possibility kept him shopping near your place, day after day. 

For the chance of you. 

The more he didn’t see you, the more he drank, as if alcohol could drown out the ache. Nothing could fill the emptiness you left behind, but he still clung to his glass, hoping—maybe if he drank enough, he’d hallucinate you. 

He didn’t know how much he drank. It didn’t even feel like a party. Topper and Kelce flirted and joked with girls, but Rafe didn’t bother looking their way. He just drank and searched. 

You were the one who used to go to parties with him. You were his girl. And Rafe? He was yours. It wasn’t an open relationship; he wouldn’t have shared you with anyone. 

You used to pull him onto the dance floor. He’d groan and complain at first, but you always got your way. And once he gave in, he didn’t hate it. Not when he was touching you. He loved every moment he could hold you. 

Even now, he could hear your voice in his head, persuading him to dance. Him pretending to resist. You insisting, until he finally caved. What an idiot he’d been. He should’ve just said yes every time. Done anything you asked. 

His regrets were endless. His self-loathing, boundless. For being such a coward. For being a failure, yet again. 

You had believed in him, even when he didn’t believe in himself. Your faith in him had given him the courage to ask his father for opportunities, small as they were. And with you, he’d felt like he’d succeeded, just a little. 

Now he hated himself for choosing his father’s approval over you—and the baby. 

The thought of you moving on, raising a child without him, was unbearable. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you with your swollen belly, or playing with your child—his child. And the thought of not being there... 

He hated himself for fearing his father more than losing you. For crawling for scraps of his father’s affection like some pathetic creature. 

Which he was. 

And now, for the rest of his life, he would hate this moment—and himself—for choosing so poorly. 

Rafe thought he’d made it home thanks to Topper and Kelce. He vaguely remembered stumbling through the front door and collapsing into Wheezie’s arms. The idea that the tiny girl could hold him up was almost laughable. Somehow, he’d managed to make it to his room.

Wheezie had laid him down on his bed before leaving. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice something was wrong. She knew her brother too well. She hadn’t seen him this quiet, this withdrawn, in a long time.

You were always there with him.

When you were around, Wheezie could hear your laughter coming from Rafe’s room. Even when Rafe was being his usual insufferable self, you made him bearable. She never thought he had that side to him. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure it existed until you came along.

When Rafe opened his eyes the next morning, a sharp, pounding headache greeted him like a cruel companion. The remnants of last night’s party echoed in his skull. Sitting up in bed, hungover and disoriented, fragments of the night before started to drift back into focus—crowds, noise, laughter. The sunlight filtering through the curtains hit him square in the face, intensifying the pain. All he wanted was to throw up and stay in bed for the rest of the day.

He didn’t remember much, just that he went to the party and drank like it was his last night on Earth. Alcohol had been a more reliable friend than Topper or Kelce that night.

Rubbing his hands over his face, he tried to shake off the fog. The smell—his own and the room’s—was rancid, like a stale cocktail of sweat and regret.

He kicked off the covers, intending to get up, when his eyes landed on a single pill and a glass of water sitting on the bedside table. Without thinking, he swallowed the pill and drained the glass.

Stumbling to the window, he threw it open, letting fresh air seep in. He took a quick shower, practically praying for relief from the headache that felt like it was splitting his skull in two. The cold water shocked his system, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to crawl into a dark room and hide there for a week.

Out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his neck and caught a glimpse of his reflection. Dark circles framed his eyes, his face bore the fatigue of a man who hadn’t truly rested in years. The weight pressing down on him wasn’t just from the alcohol; it was everything else. Everything he’d tried to suppress. “You really are a master at screwing things up,” he muttered bitterly at himself.

His gaze drifted around the room—clothes tossed haphazardly on the bed, an empty bottle lying on the floor, a lighter on the nightstand. Even the carpet under his feet made his skin crawl. He needed to pull himself together, maybe eat something, grab a coffee. But first, his phone.

It sat there on the edge of the table, an unspoken threat. Reaching for it, a wave of unease washed over him. He didn’t know who he’d talked to, what he’d said, or worse, what he’d texted. His fingers trembled as he picked it up and unlocked the screen.

Notifications flooded in—group chats, Instagram likes—and then, there they were. Three missed calls.

From you.

His breath hitched. He stared at the screen, the timestamp mocking him. Midnight. One after the other. His thumb hovered over the call log, uncertainty gripping him. Why had you called? 

And why at midnight?

It couldn’t be. Not you. Not after everything. You never made the first move, especially not in the middle of the night. 

For a moment, he considered calling you back. His thumb ghosted over your name. Should he? Maybe. Or maybe not. What if it led to the same arguments—about the baby, about why you didn’t want to stay, about why he let you go? He could still feel the weight of everything left unsaid between you, haunting him like a shadow.

He dropped the phone back onto the table, running his hands through his hair. Deep down, he knew these questions were rhetorical. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he hadn’t stopped thinking about you—or the life you might’ve had together.

Rising from the bed, he moved to his closet, grabbing the first shirt he saw. A hollow ache settled in his chest as he debated whether to call. The courage he’d relied on last night felt a thousand miles away.

Just then, the phone buzzed. Another notification. His heart skipped. Was it you? No. Someone else. But the fleeting hope that it might’ve been you twisted something inside him.

Setting the phone down again, he took a deep breath. *Calm down,* he told himself. But calming down was impossible. The unease coiled tighter, mixing guilt and longing into a cocktail of misery.

Without thinking too much, he hit your name and let the call go through. The ringing filled the room, amplifying his heartbeat. What if you were asleep? What if he woke you? He hated the idea of disturbing you.

The line clicked off before you answered. His worry deepened. What if something had happened to you? His fingers hovered, then dialed again, this time with more urgency.

The second call rang longer. Each tone ratcheted up his anxiety. And then, finally, the line connected. 

“Hey,” Your voice was quiet, cautious.

For a moment, Rafe’s words stuck in his throat. He tried to speak, but it felt like someone had stolen his voice. Finally, he managed, “Hey… uh, you called me?”

It sounded weak, tentative. But hearing your voice, even like this, sent a pang straight through him. He missed you more than he could put into words.

A pause. The silence stretched, making him wonder if you were about to hang up. Then you answered, “I was drunk.”

The words hit him like a slap. Drunk? That was it? Just a drunk dial? The thought made his stomach twist. Was it really that meaningless?

“Are you okay?” he asked, this time more firmly, though it took everything not to press harder.

“I’m fine.” But your tone was too quick, too dismissive. He knew you better than that. He could always tell when you were lying. But he didn’t push. Maybe he didn’t want to know the truth.

“Alright,” he said, not knowing what else to say. He wanted to keep you on the line, to hear more, to find some excuse to hold onto this moment.

“Okay,” you said, your voice faltering briefly before you caught yourself. “I have to go.”

And just like that, the call ended. The short beep that followed felt like a final blow, sealing the unbearable silence around him.

Rafe stared at the phone. Drunk. The word echoed in his head. It collided with another thought, one that sent a chill through him. Did she…?

Had you gone through with it? The decision he’d pushed you toward but never truly wanted? He’d convinced himself it was the right thing to do, but now the thought made his chest tighten unbearably.

He slumped back into his chair, burying his face in his hands. He didn’t know how to feel—relief, regret, or something else entirely. But one thing was clear: he hadn’t stopped loving you. And that realization hit him harder than anything else.

He glanced at the phone one last time. Your name was still there on the screen, a painful reminder of everything he’d lost. 

He thought about texting you but stopped. No words felt right. Maybe silence was all he deserved. After all, what was left to say when you’d already walked away for good?

[the-froschamethyst4]

Ex-Husband Simon

Simon Ghost Riley Headcanons

————

————

Ex-Husband Ghost will sign the papers only because he knows you were hurting. He’d be gone for a long time and wouldn’t even know if he was okay or not

Ex-Husband Ghost would feel bad when he’d come to pick the kids up and they don’t understand why their mom and dad aren’t together anymore and why they see him 40 days out of the year

Ex-Husband Ghost who tries his best to keep in contact with you and your kids

Ex-Husband Ghost who cried himself to sleep because he was wondering what he did wrong as a husband

Ex-Husband Ghost who can’t stand the sight of you with another man. When he first went to go pick the kids up and sees you with a man standing on the front porch his hand on your waist. It pissed him off seeing that

Ex-Husband Ghost and when his daughter told him that you were pregnant with that man’s kid, it pissed him off even more, but the reality of remembering that your not his anymore hit him like a brick. He can’t dictate who you have a kid with, you had 2 with him

Ex-Husband Ghost picking up the kids again and he sees you with your big belly with that man’s child

Ex-Husband Ghost his kids expressing how they don’t like their mothers new boyfriend because he could be mean to them for no reason

Ex-Husband Ghost who finally got a chance to talk to you without the court involved or your new boyfriend

“Did you know he was an asshole to the kids?”

“What? No he’s not, Simon, he yelled at them one time because they made a mess, he never yelled at them after that. He knows better.”

“That’s not what the kids told me.”

“Simon-“

“Think about it and I’ll tell you what they told me.”

Ex-Husband Ghost who hates seeing you upset and when the next time he picks up the kids sees you upset and he knows it had something to do with the man

Ex-Husband Ghost who learns you two broke it off and you went to the hospital after having a miscarriage because of stress

Ex-Husband Ghost after he learned that he would pay much more child support then he was suppose to and even brought you groceries

Ex-Husband Ghost who still misses you every time he sees his kids

Ex-Husband Ghost who invited you to come to the park to watch the kids play.

“I’m sorry about the break-up.”

“I learned that he was cheating on me…”

“How long?”

“5 weeks after you had told me he yelled at the kids and when I confronted him about the yelling he told me he was cheating and then started to throw out that the child was probably not his and someone else’s…”

“Y/n-“

“Don’t…I’m here for my kids.”

“I know…”

Ex-Husband Ghost who would still buy you flowers for no reason, the just-because flowers.

“Go give these to mama,” he tells his daughter after she got out of the car.

“Okay,” she takes them and runs towards her giving them to Y/n and smiling down at her daughter moving them inside the house. She turns to Simon and blows him a kiss.

Ex-Husband Ghost who still owns his Kawasaki. He pulls up into your driveway and sees you walking out of the house arms holding you as you move your sweater over your body due to it being cold.

“It’s cold Simon, did you drive here on that?”

“I did…I wanted to see if you wanted to go on a ride?”

“Simon, the kids-“

“They’re okay…I promise just around the neighborhood, nowhere else.”

“Okay,” he pulls out her helmet from his backpack, helping her put it on and helping her on the back.

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts being invited back into your home because it was your children’s idea. They wanted their daddy back in the house to have dinner, and for him to play with them

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts coming over to help you a lot more than before. Before it seemed like Simon was married to his work…not his actual wife.

Ex-Husband Ghost who starts helping you with your sexual needs

[bouquetface]

Astro Observations 5

ACCURACY BASED ON ENTIRE CHART. Looking at only one placement can only give general/surface level info.

💜 Scorpio moon can have a karmic relationship with women in general. They can have resentment and jealously for other women - although in their younger years they are reluctant to acknowledge this. There is a sub conscious/silent competition for power. Possible examples: Needing to be the most liked gf in your bf's friend group. Needing to be the most liked daughter-in-law your husband's family. However, this is not always the case.

Scorpio moon in a man's chart, I have noticed the above traits are seen in the mom. Their mom might share traits with the stereotypical boy mom. However, when the scorpio moon is placed in 7th house, I have seen these traits be less problematic. In 7th, there is almost a balance, the mom is deeply protective and involved with the child’s relationships but without being controlling. Rather, she may just like to be informed. Now whether, the child will submit the mother’s wishes depends on the child.

🧩 Virgo rising are ruled by mercury. They naturally want information. They’re good at researching & analyzing. They’ll try to get as much info as possible.

Virgo placements mixed with scorpio can create the best detective or stalker. EX: My virgo rising, scorpio sun friend stays updated on all her exes, her friend's exes even exes of her family members. She even has random info on the live's of people she barely talked to from her hometown.

☀️ All the eldest siblings I know almost always have prominent cap placements - cap sun or moon most often seen in my experience.

🧩 Middle & youngest children often have a prominent pisces or aqua placement. However, this won’t always be accurate. It’s just something I’ve noticed in the chart’s of people I know.

🍂 My cousin whose birth was a surprise was an Aqua sun. Aqua’s modern ruler Uranus is connected to themes of shock & sudden surprises.

❣️My cousin whose mom had several miscarriages before her birth is a scorpio sun. Scorpio is connected to taboo topics & endings.

🍎 My friend whose birth prompted her parent’s to move abroad is a sag sun. After her birth, they felt the need for a fresh start away from their own toxic families to start a new one. Sag is connected with themes of travel.

🌊 Neptune square ASC or First house ruler can be the worst. People make bullshit assumptions about you immediately. I’ve noticed most people with prominent & harsh neptune in their chart often have prominent aqua or pisces placements. You can need that ability to detach & shut out the outside world to handle the things people falsely believe about you.

🧩 7th House ruler in 1st House can indicate partnerships (romantic, platonic or business) want control of you & your image. You may encounter relationships with controlling & aggressive people. However, you may like people that take control for you.

🍎 Mars in 1st house & Mars in 10th can be a dangerous placement. You become a target for insecure men & women. They see the power you hold and sub consciously wish to take it away from you. The same can be seen in those with mars square or opposite asc. Certain people will want to compete with you.

mars in 1st may deal with physical abuse in relationships. This is an extreme though. For most, you encounter people who belittle you. People challenge your power & confidence.

🌙 Moon in 4th can manifest as having more femininity in the home. The number of girls could outnumber the boys in the home. You could have more sisters than brothers. Or you end up having more daughters than son.

❤️‍🔥 In my mom's chart she has asteroid child (4580) in sag conjunct neptune. My sun is in sag & my younger brother's sun is in pisces. However, rarely do I see the asteroid being this accurate. Sometimes, the sign of child can be more how you view the child rather than the actual sign of the child.

🧿 Groom (5129) conjunct Moon can give a spouse who takes on a traditional feminine role. The positive outcome would be a family orientated spouse who is very nurturing - ex: enjoys cooking, enjoys house work like painting, mowing the lawn, etc. They enjoy taking care of the home and family.

If harshly aspected, I have seen this as a women's husband refusing to work and provide for their family in any way. He became very lazy after marriage. He threatened she'd have to pay him alimony. Chiron was near her Groom conjunct Moon in Aries.

❤️‍🔥 Fama in 7th H - 7th H isn’t limited to spouse & friendships. It can show business partnerships & clients. I have this in my chart & I worked for a notable influencer. They aren’t A list or anything too extreme, she does have a fan base & make money through her social media though.

🩻 I’ve noticed doctors, nurses & vets often have prominent influence in 8th & 6th house. Most common: 2nd or 10th ruler in 8th or 6th H. You will see people at their most vulnerable, investigate & find/keep secrets about their health (8th H) and offer service (6th H).

🌙 Tropical Pisces Moon / Sidereel Aqua Moons tend to develop the habit of avoiding their emotions. They escape through daydreams, music, books or films. They can feel their own emotions through the character. It can feel safer that way.

& this placement can struggle with the inability to cry for months (maybe even years). They don’t properly process the situation until months or even years later. When it becomes too heavy to hold back, they can cry a lot. Randomly tearing up through the day, crying themselves to sleep.

[sabrinajenre96]

Light After Darkness

Pairing: Michael Robinavitch x Resident!Wife!Reader

Word Count: ~5,000

Warnings: Emotional abuse, physical abuse (described), miscarriage, trauma, past domestic violence, PTSD triggers, hospital setting, emotional confrontation, comfort, healing, soft!husband Michael, strong!reader, swearing.

---

Light After Darkness

The ER was chaos.

It always was on a Friday night, but this time it was different—sirens screamed louder than usual, and the Pitt staff was already in motion before the gurneys rolled in. A multi-vehicle crash on the highway. Casualties. Screams. Blood. Sirens.

Resident Y/N Robinavitch was already tying her hair back tighter and snapping on gloves as paramedics burst through the doors. “Incoming!” someone called, and the stretchers kept coming. Her heart pounded from the adrenaline, but her hands didn’t shake.

They never did anymore.

Until him.

“Male, late thirties, blunt force trauma, decreased consciousness, passenger had only minor cuts,” a paramedic rattled off.

Y/N turned, instinctively stepping forward to take the female patient.

And froze.

Her ex.

It was him.

Flat on a stretcher, unconscious but unmistakably him. No. Her breath caught. The world around her blurred for a moment. Voices warped. Her knees nearly buckled, but muscle memory had her moving toward the woman beside him.

His wife.

“You got this?” one of the nurses asked, noting the stillness in her eyes.

“I’m fine,” Y/N said too quickly. “I’ve got her.”

She didn’t look at the man. Not again. Not once more.

Instead, she focused on the woman now sitting on the gurney in front of her. Late twenties, maybe early thirties. Shaking. Pale. But not from the accident. Y/N had seen this look before.

On herself.

“I’m Dr. Robinavitch,” she said gently. “You’re safe, okay? I’m going to examine you.”

The woman nodded, eyes darting toward the trauma room where her husband—Y/N’s ex—was being wheeled. Y/N noted the hesitation. The dread.

The bruises on the woman’s arms told her everything she already suspected.

Not from the crash.

Older. Faded fingerprints. Defensive bruises.

Her breath caught in her chest again, but she pushed through it.

She wasn’t that girl anymore. She was a doctor. A wife. A mother. Michael’s wife. Robby’s. Her safe place.

Still, she couldn’t stop the tremor in her fingers as she palpated the woman’s ribs.

“Have you been in pain before today?” Y/N asked softly, eyes flicking up.

Before she could respond, the door opened and in walked the last person Y/N ever wanted to see.

Her ex’s mother.

The same woman who told her to stop being so sensitive. The one who said, “Boys get angry sometimes.” The one who had never believed her. Never protected her.

Tension hit the room like a storm.

“Oh,” the woman said, recognizing her instantly. “You.”

Y/N didn’t flinch. She stood straighter. “Mrs. Hargrove.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” she snapped. “This is my son’s wife. You shouldn’t be near her.”

“Your son is in trauma. His wife is my patient. I’m doing my job,” Y/N replied calmly.

But her pulse roared in her ears.

“You always were good at playing victim,” the woman hissed, stepping closer. “You left him and ruined his life. You made him into this—”

“That’s enough,” Y/N snapped, louder than she meant to. She stepped away from the patient. “You want to talk? Let’s talk. Right here. Let’s finally tell the truth.”

Nurses paused mid-charting.

A junior resident glanced up from across the room.

The silence stretched thick and electric.

“For three years I covered for your son,” Y/N said, voice steady. “I lied in ERs across the state. Said I fell. That I was clumsy. That I tripped down the stairs. All because I was terrified of what would happen if I told the truth.”

She could feel everyone listening now. Could feel the weight of a lifetime she’d buried rising from her throat.

“The night your husband helped me get away, I ended up back in the ER. Internal bleeding. Broken ribs. And I—” her voice cracked, just for a second, “—I lost the baby I didn’t even know I was pregnant with.”

Gasps echoed across the ER.

“I was told I might never get pregnant again because of what he did to me.”

Silence. No one moved. Not even the woman on the gurney.

Y/N turned her gaze to her ex-mother-in-law. “You knew. You enabled him. And now another woman is sitting here, in the same bruised silence I once sat in.”

She pointed gently toward the woman beside her.

“This is what you’ve created. By defending a monster instead of helping him. By telling me to keep quiet. By choosing his reputation over my safety.”

The older woman’s mouth opened—no words came.

Y/N turned to the woman on the gurney, meeting her eyes gently.

“I barely survived him. And he won’t change. He never will. You can save yourself. But only if you leave. Because next time… he might succeed.”

She didn’t wait for a reply. She didn’t need one.

She handed the patient chart off and left the room, moving fast through the corridor. She didn’t stop until she reached the rooftop.

The sky was dark above her. City lights below. Cold air wrapped around her like a warning.

She was shaking.

That wasn’t professional. That was a breakdown. A meltdown.

She had yelled. In the middle of the ER.

She folded in on herself, chest tight. Her badge clipped to her coat suddenly felt heavy. Her throat burned.

She didn’t hear the door open. But she felt the hand.

It touched her shoulder gently.

She flinched violently, spinning around, eyes wide—

“Hey,” a voice said, soft and familiar.

Michael.

“Robby…” she whispered, and something in her cracked all over again.

He stepped forward slowly, like he was approaching a wounded animal. “Hey, it’s just me. I’m here.”

Her lip trembled. “I—I was unprofessional. I shouldn’t have said anything. I lost control and—”

He stopped her with a kiss.

Soft. Gentle. Warm.

When he pulled back, his hands stayed on her cheeks. “You don’t get to apologize for that. For surviving.”

“I never told you—”

“I know.” His thumbs brushed her cheekbones. “I knew you had been hurt. I didn’t know how much. You never wanted to talk about it, and I didn’t want to push. But tonight… it all made sense.”

Y/N looked away, ashamed. “I should’ve walked away. I should’ve kept it together.”

“No. You carried that pain for years. Alone. Even with me. Even after we got married. Even after Sawyer and Spencer.” His voice cracked slightly. “You carried that burden without ever letting me help.”

“I didn’t want to burden you—”

“You’re not a burden,” he said fiercely. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re brilliant. You’re an amazing doctor. An even better mother. And you still got up every day and let me love you, even when it scared you.”

She broke then. Fully.

Tears spilled fast, unstoppable. Michael pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her tightly as she sobbed into his coat.

“I almost died that day, Robby,” she whispered into his chest. “I didn’t think I’d ever have kids. But then we had them. Our girls. It’s a miracle.”

He kissed the top of her head. “You’re my miracle.”

She looked up at him, eyes swollen with emotion. “You saved me. You are my light after all that darkness.”

Michael smiled through his own tears and nodded. “Then let me keep being your light. Always.”

Y/N launched herself into his arms again, hugging him tight. He held her even tighter.

And for a while, they just stood in the silence. Rooftop breeze curling around them. The world quiet below. Two souls tangled in healing.

Eventually, Y/N whispered, “Our girls call me a queen.”

“They’re right,” Michael replied. “You are. You always have been.”

---

End

Bonus Scene – A Soft Night and A Small Spark

The house was quiet. The kids were asleep. Michael had made sure of that before Y/N even walked through the front door.

She stepped inside slowly, her movements heavy, exhaustion weighing her down in more ways than one. She dropped her bag near the bench, then turned to find Michael waiting in the kitchen, a cup of chamomile tea already in his hand for her.

“I knew you’d need this,” he said softly.

She smiled tiredly, taking it from him. “You know me too well.”

“Perks of marrying you,” he teased lightly.

They sat on the couch, her legs curled beneath her, the mug warming her hands as silence lingered gently between them. It wasn’t awkward. It never was. Michael’s presence was her peace.

“How were the girls?” she asked eventually.

“Sawyer asked if you were saving the world again. I told her yes.”

Y/N huffed a quiet laugh. “I didn’t feel very heroic today.”

Michael turned toward her, his eyes gentle. “You didn’t just save a patient. You might have saved a life.”

Y/N hesitated. “You think she’ll leave him?”

“I saw her before I left. She asked the nurse for social work. Said she wanted to talk to someone.”

Y/N’s breath hitched. That tiny thread of hope settled in her chest like a warm ember.

“She was terrified,” Y/N whispered. “Just like I was.”

“She’s not alone anymore,” Michael said. “Because of you.”

They fell silent again until a small pair of feet padded into the living room. Sawyer.

“Mommy?” her voice was soft, sleepy.

Y/N smiled, holding out her arms. Sawyer climbed up without hesitation, curling into her lap.

“I had a bad dream,” she mumbled into Y/N’s shoulder.

“Wanna tell me about it?”

Sawyer shook her head. “Can you just hold me?”

“Always.”

Michael moved beside them, arm wrapping around both of them.

As Sawyer drifted back to sleep in her mother’s arms, Y/N looked at Michael, eyes glistening.

“I was scared for so long… and I never thought I’d get this. You. Our kids. Peace.”

Michael kissed her forehead. “You deserve all of it.”

“I’m not that broken girl anymore,” she said quietly.

“No. You’re a warrior. My warrior. And their queen.”

Y/N hugged Sawyer tighter, and Michael pulled them both closer.

For the first time in a long time, Y/N didn’t feel like a survivor.

She felt like she’d won.

---

End of Bonus Scene

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Mistakes

Summary: You were tired of men making decisions for you. Even though they had your best interest at heart, all they ended up doing was breaking your heart more and more. After reuniting Joel with his brother Tommy (your Ex who left the QZ without telling anyone including you) in a town called Jackson and an overdue argument with Joel Miller you finally confess your feelings for him, spending the night with the older brother, only to wake up alone in an empty house with him and Ellie gone.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader (former Tommy Miller x fem. reader)

Wordcount: 6.4k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, pining, feelings, Joel Miller not being good at those feelings, past heartbreak, current heartbreak, mentioned of miscarriage, more angst, also some smut (unprotected sex), kissing, mentions of violence, stitches, blood

A/N: this summary sucks but I have no idea how to make it better. Let’s hope the fics doesn’t suck like it lmao

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It was like entering the twilight zone when the gates opened.

People were wandering the streets with smiles on their faces. You could hear children's laughter. Some people stopped and nodded towards you as you passed by them on the horse the people who had found you had put you on. 

Your gaze always slipped back to Ellie and Joel in front of you. Watching them closely. 

The woman who had talked to Joel, Maria, had not given you much more information other than to follow them after she learned Joel’s name and that he was looking for his brother Tommy. 

But you had seen in her face that she recognised the name. 

If you were honest with yourself you never believed you would really find him. Tommy. 

It had been such a long time since Joel had heard from him last and the only reason you agreed to join him in his search for Tommy was because you were scared of losing the last connection you had to your previous life. 

Tommy, Joel and you grew up together. 

When you thought of them you thought of summers at the Miller’s pool. Of thirteen year old Joel trying to teach five year old you how to swim while six year old Tommy kept trying to pull you under the water. 

The little shit. 

Of course as you turned older your interests changed, yet you all still managed to spend at least a week of the summer break together out for mischief. 

And then it all changed when Tommy Miller kissed you. 

It was after Joel left for College and if you were honest with yourself you had been crushing on him for a while at that point. 

You and Tommy had been together for two years before you found him kissing another girl. 

God, you had been so heartbroken back then. 

He had been your first real boyfriend and a tiny part of you thought he'd be the man you would marry and have kids with. Sixteen year old you had her life planned out to the dot. 

It had taken years for you to accept him as a friend again. 

Joel and you had become closer in the meantime. He’d told you all about his plans to open his own business and that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend. 

You were also the first person he told when he learned that he’d become a father. 

He had been scared but so happy. 

And you knew from the moment you saw him hold Sarah for the first time, that he would move heaven and earth for his little girl. Nothing would stay in his way. Not when his girlfriend left him with a toddler, not when both of his parents died, leaving him to deal with everything on his own. 

Sarah was his whole world. 

Until the world ended. 

The years after that were dark and painful. That was the excuse you used, that you needed to feel something different for at least a little moment, when you started to sleep with Tommy again. 

Which went on for years even after you made it to the QZ.

Until he left without a word. 

Leaving you and his brother again to pick up the pieces. 

“Tommy!” you heard Joel shout and your eyes followed his gaze, his horse stopping as he jumped off. 

He looked different. Older than you remembered him. But there walking down the steps was indeed Tommy Miller. 

Joel had found him. 

His eyes found yours as he hugged his brother, whispering your name in disbelief. 

For a moment, a small moment you were beyond relieved to find him alive and well. Anger replaced that feeling pretty quickly. He was alive and well and in a fucking functioning town without ever sending a fucking message?

You had stopped counting how often you had been almost killed on this mission to find him because Joel and you thought something had happened to him and he needed saving. 

You closed your eyes, swallowing your anger, finding Ellie watching you when your eyes opened again. 

“Let’s have something to eat,” Maria said next to you and you gave her a sharp nod, leaving the Miller brothers behind. 

You hated the fact that you cried when you were angry. 

Tears were streaming down your face as you showered under the warmest fucking water you had felt in years, scrubbing your body furiously. 

The nerve he had. 

Not only was he perfectly fine, no he was married and about to be a father. 

You didn’t like the way his wife Maria kept glaring at Joel not trying to be sneaky about it. 

You could only imagine what he had told her.

He used to blame Joel for what you all had done after the outbreak on your way to the Boston QZ. You had always argued about it in the privacy of the shitty apartment you shared back in the QZ. Because Tommy was a fully grown man when he killed those people. He could have stopped and left. But it was easier to blame someone else for the decisions he was too scared or cowardly to make. 

You could only hope that you’d be out of here first thing in the morning before you’d explode. 

Of course life had other plans. 

You walked into the house across the street just as Maria tried to warn Ellie about Joel. 

“But there are clearly things you don't know about Joel,” you heard Maria say. You stopped outside the window to listen.

“Oh, like how he used to kill people? I know about that,” Ellie said.  

“So then you understand my concern.”

“He doesn't do that anymore,” Ellie defended him. 

“He stopped killing people?” Maria asked and you rolled your eyes. 

“Innocent ones. And Tommy did it, too. Are you worried about him?” 

You chose that moment to walk into the house, finding Ellie sitting in the kitchen, Maria cutting her hair. 

“Tommy was following Joel. The way you are now,” Maria said looking at you. 

“No offence but you have no idea what you are talking about,” you said and she raised her eyebrow. 

“I think I do,” she said, putting the scissors down. 

“Yeah? You are comparing a fourteen year old girl to a fully grown man who had all the time in the world to step away and stop what we did back then. But he didn’t. He never stops. He’s a fucking…” you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath. 

“He told me about you. About how he regrets leaving without a word,” Maria said. 

You scoffed. 

“Sure he does. He always regrets doing things after he did them. That’s why he never sent word that he’s alive.”

“That’s my fault. And he didn’t know that you’d be coming to look for him,” she said.

“That’s what family does. We look out for each other. But maybe we’re not family anymore. Come on Ellie,” you said and she got up from the chair immediately, walking towards you. 

“Stop,” Maria said and you sighed. 

“I’ll take her to the movies and you…. I think you, Joel and Tommy need to talk.”

“You’re angry,” Joel looked up at you as you sat down next to him. He was trying to fix his boots. 

“I thought I wasn’t anymore but…. Fuck look around this place? I’m just so… Fuck I really want to punch him,” you groaned and Joel chuckled. 

“I know the feelin’,” he sighed. 

You let your head fall against his shoulder, closing your eyes. 

You felt his lips on your temple. 

„You gonna tell him?“ He whispered. Your opened your eyes, shaking your head. 

„Don’t think he would care,“ you mumbled. 

„I think you would be surprised,“ he said quietly.

You both sat there in silence for a moment. 

„I’m weak,“ Joel said after a moment. You sat yourself up, your head turning to look at him. 

„What do you mean?“ 

He sighed, not looking up at you as he focused on fixing his shoes. 

„Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and... my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night,“ he said quietly. 

You carefully put your hand on his shoulder.

„What kinda dreams?“

„I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up... I've lost somethin’,“ you saw the tears in his eyes. You knew something had changed in the last weeks. He was more quiet, staring of in the distance when he thought you weren’t looking. 

„I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail her again and again. I fail you again and again. I see you die ever single night in my dreams and I…“ you put your arms around his shoulders, tears running down your cheeks. 

„I can’t protect you anymore,“ he whispered and you tensed.

„I’m gonna… I’m gonna ask Tommy to take her. I’m just gonna get her killed. Both of you. I know it. I have to leave…“ you did not give him a chance to continue, jumping up from your position. 

„You gonna ask Tommy to take her? What about me? You gonna just…. Let him take me too? Because you know I won’t leave her. We’re all she has Joel,“ you said, your voice getting louder. 

„You could stay here. It’s safe. You would be safe…“ he said but you shook your head. 

„Stay here with Tommy? Super happy Tommy who finally got the right woman pregnant?“ You yelled. 

He said your name, pleading but you shook your head. 

„You know, I should have seen this coming. I knew I would end up alone. First him, now you… I really thought that you felt…“ you shook your head, „How silly of me to think it would be different with you…“ you laughed bitterly, stubbornly brushing the tears away. 

You took a deep breath. 

„One day you are gonna wake up and realise that the only reason why you feel so alone, is because you pushed everyone away. Because you think you don’t deserve to be cared for. Tommy, Ellie…. Me….,“ you shook your head before you looked at him. 

„Don’t bother asking Tommy. I’m gonna leave with her first thing in the morning. You’ll never gonna see either of us again,“ you said before you turned around, ignoring him calling after you, hoping you’d made it back to the house before you broke down. 

You hadn’t even crossed the street when you heard your name being called, Tommy’s familiar voice startling you. 

You just walked faster, not bothering to stop. 

„Please just…“ you felt his hand on your shoulder and you whirled around, glaring up at the man you once loved so much. 

„Leave me alone,“ you gritted through your clenched teeth, before turning away from him. 

„It’s what you Miller’s do best,“ you called over your shoulder before you made your way back to the house. 

You laid awake in bed when you heard the door open. 

You had told Ellie in the most gentle way that it would only be you who would take her to the fireflies. Of course she had questions, and you promised her to answer every single one once you were on the road. 

She had fallen asleep rather quickly before you made your way to the biggest bedroom. You just laid down on the bed, fully clothed staring at the ceiling as the hours passed by. 

You were broken, you had been for a long time. 

The only thing you could always count on to keep you going was Joel. 

He was your rock and part of you always thought you were his. Even when he was with Tess or any other women. At the end of the day, once he needed someone to talk, to really talk to, he always came to you. 

He held you when you found out you were pregnant after Tommy left. 

He was there when you woke up in pain, he was there when you found out you lost the baby.

He was always there. 

And along the way you fell in love with him. 

You turned your head to look at Joel who was standing in the door just looking at you. 

It was like there was something in the air all of the sudden, the hairs on your neck standing up as his eyes moved over your body, his gaze lingering on your lips. 

„I’m sorry,“ he said quietly, slowly walking towards you. 

When you didn’t say anything as he stopped in front of the bed he slowly sat down, reaching for one of your hands. You were too tired to fight him.  

„You were right,“ he started, his thumb running over the back of your hand, his head turned down. 

„I keep pushing you away because I’m so fucking scared to lose someone else I…,“ he shook his head. 

„I care about. I care about you so much, it scares me. It would kill me if something happened to you, because I was to weak to protect you. And I… I can’t lose you. I just can’t. I wanna keep you safe and….“

„Joel….“ You interrupted him and he looked at you as you slowly sat yourself up so you were kneeling on the bed next to him. You reached the hand he was not holding up, your fingers brushing over his cheek, his eyes closing slowly as he released a shuddering breath. 

Your hand lingered on his skin, your fingertips rubbing over the corner of his lips and his eyes flipped open, finding yours. 

„You know I love you, right?“ You whispered and his eyes softened for a small moment, before he nodded. 

„Then please let me in and let me love you,“ you said before you leaned in and kissed him softly.

He tensed for a moment before one of his hands came to the back of your head, deepening the kiss, pulling you closer, his other hand on your back. 

„Joel,“ you gasped, your hands pulling at his shirt until he parted from you, taking his shirt off. You let your hands wander up your chest before you pulled your own shirt off, leaving you in just your old bra.

„Fucking beautiful,“ he whispered before he kissed you again, slowly leaning over you until you were laying in bed with him above you. 

Joel slowly kissed down your throat, your chest until he gave all his attention to your breasts. He sucked on your nipples through the thin worn fabric of your bra until you sat yourself up, almost making him fall off the bed, both of you laughing as you took it off, a groan leaving his mouth, one of his hands palming himself. You bit into your bottom lip before you got closer to him, your fingers opening his belt buckle, then his pants. 

He stopped you before you could get any further. 

„Let me make you feel good first,“ he whispered, kissing you forehead. 

„Later,“ you said, looking at him, something in his eyes darkening as he saw the lust in yours. 

Within seconds you both were naked and he just looked at you in awe as he knelt between your parted legs. 

His hands wandered up your thighs, his fingers running shivers over your whole body, your back arching. 

„Please Joel,“ you whispered, your hands coming to rest on his hips until he finally leaned down and kissed you, one of his hand wrapped around his cock as he swiped the head through your wet pussy, teasing your clit with it, making you moan.

He lined himself up, kissing you deeply as he slowly entered you inch by inch, both of you panting against each others mouths.

„Shiiiit, you feel perfect. Fucking perfect,“ he grunted before he began to move, thrusting slowly inside of you, his arms wrapped around your body, his lips all over you. 

No matter how close he was, you wanted him closer, your arms wrapped around his back, pulling him against you as he continued to fuck you deeply. 

He kissed away the tears that escaped your eyes, overwhelmed at finally being so close to him. Holding him. Feeling him. 

He made you cum twice before he pulled out and came with a groan of your name, his cum spilling all over your stomach. 

He cleaned you up after, holding you close, kissing you until you fell asleep. 

While he watched over you, praying to whatever god there still was, that you would forgive him. 

You didn’t stir when Joel left your bed after he watched you sleep until the room slowly filled with light at the upcoming sunrise. 

You didn’t feel it as he kissed your forehead before he slowly got up from the bed and got dressed, grabbing his bag. 

You didn’t hear his whispered „Forgive me“ as he stepped out of the room.

You were sleeping so deeply you didn’t even hear Eliie argue as Joel walked her out of the house.

Not looking back towards the house you were sleeping in. 

The first thing you noticed was that you were warm. You hadn’t felt warm in a long time. Smiling to yourself you slowly opened your eyes, frowning immediately as you noticed how bright it was outside. 

Your eyes found the old cock on the bedside table, widening as you noticed that it was already around noon. 

„Shit,“ you cursed, your head now turning to the other side of the bed where Joel had laid next to you only to find it empty. 

A uneasy feeling washed over you as you took the room in, finding it vacant of anything that belonged to Joel. 

Suddenly fully awake you jumped out of bed, dressing yourself within seconds before you walked out of the room and across the hallway opening the door to the room Ellie had been asleep in. 

Empty. 

Your breath came in short pants, your throat squeezing tight, the beginnings of a panic attack making their entrance as your hands started to shake. 

Shaking your head you tried to get your lungs to fill with air, your back leaning against the wall behind you. 

Tears were springing into your eyes.

He wouldn’t just leave you after last night. Right?

Not after he….

A knock on the door let you jump up, running down the stairs, opening the door to find the wrong Miller brother standing in front of it, his expression one you could read without words. 

„He’s gone, isn’t he?“ You whispered. 

Tommy only nodded. 

Taking a deep breath you looked up towards the ceiling, shaking your head slowly. 

„Talked to the council. You can stay here as long as you want. Gotta take up some work at some point but there’s no rush…“

You scoffed. 

„You must be really delusional if you think I am going to stay here,“ you said, looking at him. You were still angry, but more so tired. Tired of always being the second choice.

He said your name, almost pleading. 

„I’m sorry for not telling you before I left. I thought it was easier to just… rip the bandaid off. I knew you’d be okay. You’re one of the strongest people I ever met. And I… I just couldn’t stay there with Joel and….“

You wanted to tell him then. 

To tell him that he broke that strong person he thought you were. 

Finding out the day after he left that you were pregnant with his child, broke you. 

And you couldn’t tell him that to this day you blamed that the stress of him leaving made you lose the baby you never got to meet. 

It wouldn’t help anyone to tell him. 

„I am going to get my stuff and I want a horse and some supplies. Then I’ll be out of here. I can’t keep doing this…“ you said. 

„No, No please stay. I want to… I want to make this right between us. I promised Joel I…“ Tommy began, but you held a hand up, stopping him. 

„Maybe you and your brother should try talking to me before making all the decisions for me. A horse and some supplies. You owe me that much. After that I’ll make sure we never cross ways again,“ you didn’t wait for his reply, turning around and marching up the stairs to pack your stuff. 

An hour later you were settled on top of a horse called Diamond. Tommy had gotten you the supplies you asked for, even a first aid kid and walked next to you as the gate opened. 

„Where are you gonna go?“ He asked. 

„Away,“ you only answered, even though you had a clear destination in mind, before you took one last look at him. You saw his wife standing on the end of the street, watching you. 

As you looked back at Tommy you realised that you felt nothing for the man who was looking up at you now.

„I know you love him,“ he startled you. 

„Pretty sure he loves you too, so once you found him, don’t be too hard on him. We Miller’s a stubborn bunch of people who only want to protect the people we love. Even if it ends up hurting them even more,“ he said, keeping his eyes on you. 

„Take care of your wife,“ was all you said before you kicked your legs to ride out of Jackson. 

The town you found shelter in seemed abandoned enough to rest until this blizzard passed by. It should’t be more than a days ride to the university of the fireflies now, but you could not make it in this storm. So you bunked down in a abandoned house, the windows and doors already barricaded making sure Diamond, your horse, had something to drink and eat in the garage before you bunked down in the surprisingly tidy house next to it. 

You even found some food, including long expired peaches that brought a small smile to your face as you thought about how much Ellie would love them. 

It was on the next morning that you heard a noise outside. You made your way into the garage, finding Diamond getting nervous too.

You petted her nose before you slowly risked a glance outside of the broken window of the garage, your eyes widening when through the heavy snow falling outside, you could make Ellie out on top of a horse. 

You put your jacket on and opened the door, startling the girl who now had her riffle pointed at you. 

You held your hands up and her shoulders fell as she realised who you were, starting to sob. 

It was then that you noticed that the horse she was sitting on, was dragging something behind it, the air leaving your lungs one one gasp as you realised that it was Joel.

And he was not awake.

„How long?“ You asked Ellie, willing your fingers to warm up as you dug through your first aid kit. 

Ellie had helped you carry Joel inside. Now she was sitting on the little sofa, her tears still running down her cheek as she watched you. 

„Three hours ago? Maybe more? I don’t know. We… We were at the university and we…. We were almost out when that man….“

You were closer to the university than you thought then.

You were dying to walk over to her to soothe her, but Joel was your first priority. He looked very pale, his lips blue from the cold. With shaking fingers your unzipped his jacket, fighting down the whimper as you saw how much blood he was still loosing, your hand immediately pressing down to stop the bleeding.

Ellie had made a good job with the bandage she had put on his wound. 

He didn’t even stir. 

„It was a broken baseball bat. He… he pulled it out and he was okay at first but then he… he… he fell and now he’s not….“

„Ellie,“ you said and she looked at you with wide wet eyes. 

„You did the right thing. He shouldn’t have pulled it out but there’s nothing we can do about it now. I am… I am gonna try to fix him, okay?“ You said, nodding as if to make yourself believe that you could. 

She mirrored you.

„Can I help?“ Ellie asked. 

„There’s a bathroom upstairs. Get as many towels as possible and then get a bucket with snow from outside. Snow from the top. We need…. We need to clean him. But I don’t have… We….“ You took a deep breath, stopping your ramble.

„Towels and snow, got it,“ she said, throwing her backpack down before she made her way upstairs. 

You took a deep breath, sucking your bottom lip in. 

„Don’t you die on me Joel Miller, I still have to yell at you“ you whispered as you leaned down, to kiss his temple before you used the scissors of your first aid kit to cut his shirt open. 

It came to you on the day after, that the only stitches you ever did were on Joel Miller’s body. You had stitched a cut on his upper arm almost fifteen years ago. Then a bulled wound on his hip.

But that was nothing like what you were dealing with here. 

You had used the little bottle of disinfectant to clean his wound as best as you could, before you stitched him up and he had not even moved a muscle through all of it. 

It was sometime during the early morning hours that he stirred, waking up only enough to ask after Ellie, falling back asleep immediately when you came into his line of view, his whispered name on your lips. 

You and Ellie had pulled him in as many blankets as possible to get him to warm up. 

It was like you checked the wound hourly to make sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore and somehow in the early hours of the afternoon it seemed to stop. 

Ellie was spending almost all her time outside in the garage with the horses after she woke up. She wasn’t talking much, but she had told you that she was glad you had found them. 

A groan made you jump up and you found Joel’s eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings until his eyes focused on you, whispering your name, his voice hoarse.

„How are you feeling?“ You asked softly, coming to kneel next to him, your hand on his cheek. 

„Like I got stabbed by a bat,“ he groaned and you felt the tears springing into your eyes as you smiled sadly. 

„Not the time for jokes Miller,“ you said and he sighed, his head turning in your hand.

„Ellie?“ He asked. 

„In the garage with the horses,“ you said and he nodded slowly. 

„'Am sorry,“ he said and you shook your head. 

„It’s okay,“ you said and now he shook his head. 

„Was a shitty thing to leave,“ he grunted. 

„Yeah it was. And I am gonna yell at you for that, but only once you are all healed up,“ you promised with a small smile, your fingers brushing over your skin. 

The door flew open and Ellie ran in with wide eyes. 

„There was someone out there,“ she said and your eyes widened before you got up while she knelled down next to Joel who was trying to get up.

„Wait here with him and do not let him get up,“ you instructed Ellie as you made your way out into the garage. 

The windows of the whole house were barricaded so the only way to actually look outside were the broken windows over the garage door. 

You carefully stepped onto the chair you had found inside to look out of the window and you could see three men walk down the street, as if they were looking for something. They didn’t look like they were raiders, not carrying any kind of bags or supplies on them. And only one was holding a handgun. You were glad that it had continued to snow during the night, covering up all the tracks that led to the house. 

You watched as they rounded the block, noticing how thin they looked as they walked back the way they came from, unease washing over your body. 

„They must be around here somewhere. How far can they get? Rodrick fucking stabbed him with his bat,“ you heard one of them mutter as they walked past the house, your heart stopping. 

They were looking for Joel.

For Joel and Ellie. 

You had to get out of here. 

You watched them until they had left the street, before you got down from the chair.

Still in your thoughts you made you way back inside the house.

The longer you thought about them the more uncomfortable you became. You had the same feeling a couple times before, the last time just before you made it out of Kansas City, a city you only barely survived. 

Both Ellie’s eyes and Joel’s were on you when you entered the room. 

„It would be better for Joel to stay here and heal but…“

„We have to leave?“ Ellie asked and you nodded. 

„I…They are looking for you. I heard them talk,“ you said as you knelt down on the other side of Joel who was looking up at you. You put your hand on his forehead, noticing that he was running a little hot. 

You would need medicine for him. You only had some expired aspirin. That wouldn’t help him if his wound got infected. 

„We’ll leave first thing in the morning,“ you decided, hoping that it would be for the best.

It was a four day ride back to Jackson.

Four days that felt like four weeks. 

Joel had been strong enough to get on his feet on the morning you left and both Ellie and you had helped him up into the saddle before you got onto the horse in front of him, using two belts you had found upstairs to strap him against you, his arms coming to wrap around you.

You heard every groan of pain he let out as he tried to keep himself up on the horse. 

On the second day, once you were far enough away from the town you felt him burn up, mumbling against your ear, his head resting on your shoulder. 

It was getting harder to keep him on the horse with you, Ellie riding next to you, her worried eyes always on Joel. 

More than once he told you to just leave him and get both you and Ellie to safety but you and Ellie were having none of it. 

When you saw the gates of Jackson you were almost crying, Ellie galloping in front of you even though you called after her to slow down, hoping they wouldn’t just shot her on sight. 

But then the gate opened and for the first time in a long time you were glad to see Tommy Miller running towards you, already yelling commands out. 

The next hours were a blur. 

You pretty much passed out the moment you knew Joel was taken care off. You woke up to beeping in a dark room, only a little lamp on the table next to the bed you were laying in,  your eyes immediately finding Ellie who had cuddled on the bed next to you. You carefully put an arm around her before you noticed someone else in the room. 

Joel was laying in the bed next to yours, the constant beep of the monitor telling you that his heart was still beating. 

You closed your eyes, releasing a shuddering breath as you tried to keep the tears in that were threatening to escape your eyes. 

Ellie shifted in your arms and she turned around, her arm sneaking around you, her eyes looking up at you. 

„Thank fuck you’re awake, these people around here are weird,“ she said and you huffed a laugh, hugging her closer. 

„How long…?“ You asked but she interrupted you. 

„We came here yesterday just before dinner. Breakfast was two hours ago? I’m not sure,“ she mumbled. You both jumped when the door opened, your head turning just in time to see Tommy walk in, followed from an older man. 

„You’re awake,“ the man said and you sat yourself up, the sudden move making your head spin. 

„I’m Carl, I’m the town doctor,“ he introduced himself to you before he walked over to Joel.

„Is he gonna be okay?“ You asked.

„Thanks to some medication and some generous blood donations,“ he eyed Tommy, „he should be making a full recovery. Nice stitches,“ he complemented and you released a relieved breath.

„You should have seen the blood transfusion, it was super gross,“ Ellie said with a shudder that made you laugh. 

„I want you to rest too. You were severely dehydrated. That must have been some exhausting couple of days for you,“ he said, giving you a small smile before he looked at Tommy and left the room. 

It was quiet in the room for a moment as you tried not to look at Tommy. 

Ellie suddenly sat herself up with a hum.

„Weeeeeell this isn’t awkward at all, so I’m gonna go and get us some food,“ she announced before she jumped off the bed and left you alone with the Miller brothers. 

For a long time the only noise inside the room was the constant beeping of Joel’s heart monitor.

„Why did you leave without saying anything?“ You finally asked and Tommy shifted in the chair he was sitting in. 

„I couldn’t stay. Joel was…. He was getting more and more reckless. Then there was the fucking drugs. I wanted to… I though I could make the world better. just couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t watch him destroy himself any longer. And I am sorry I didn’t tell you. You didn’t deserve that,“ he said and you nodded. 

„I know the things we all did were horrible. They haunt me too. And Joel…“ you look at him, sleeping in his bed. 

„He was never the same after Sarah,“ you whispered. 

„We all weren’t. We just dealt with it differently,“ Tommy said and you nodded. 

„Are you gonna stay?“ He asked and you sighed, looking at him. There was no point in keeping a grudge anymore. Not after what happened. You were safe. Ellie was safe. Joel was safe and hopefully close to being okay again. 

„I have to tell you one thing,“ you decided. He deserved to know why you had been so angry. Why you blamed him for every single bad thing that happened after he left. 

„Okay,“ he said, nodding at you. 

„On the morning after I found out your left, I also found out that I was pregnant,“ you said quietly, seeing his eyes widen, before he took a deep breath. 

„I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I am telling you so you can understand why I was so angry and hurt,“ you explained. 

„I can’t keep blaming you for every bad thing that happens to me,“ you whispered. 

„What,“ he cleared his throat, „what happened?“ He asked. 

„I lost it six weeks after you left,“ you said with a sad smile, your finger brushing the tear away that ran down your cheek. 

He looked wrecked.

„I’m so fucking sorry,“ he shook his head, his hand running through his hair. 

You shrugged. 

„It just wasn’t meant to be,“ you sobbed, cursing to yourself as you turned your head to hide your face against the pillow. 

„Fucking hug her,“ you both heard Joel grunt and you almost jumped up, your head spinning again. 

„Joel, thank fuck,“ Tommy said before he jumped out of his chair as he saw you get out of bed on shaky legs. His arms held you up as you stumbled towards Joel’s bed who gave you a painful smile. 

„Come on, let’s get you into bed,“ Tommy whispered before he helped you sit down, pulling your legs up onto the bed as you carefully laid down next to Joel, his right arm opening for you. 

You put your hand on his chest, careful to not hurt him as you inhaled his familiar, if somewhat sweaty, scent. 

„I’ll leave you two alone,“ Tommy said as he looked at the both of you, but you were already asleep. 

„I’ll take care of her,“ Joel whispered before he kissed your forehead. 

Six weeks later

„I fucking hate math!“ Ellie groaned, letting her head fall against the table.

„Language!“ Joel called from the kitchen and she rolled her eyes while you held back a giggle. 

„Nobody likes math,“ you assured her, your arm wrapping around her shoulder. 

„Why do I have to learn it then?“

„Because that’s just the way life is. We all have to learn shit we don’t want,“ you said, you both laughing when Joel again called you out on your cursing. 

„I am a fully grown adult, Mr. Miller, leave me alone,“ you yelled towards the kitchen, only to hear his footsteps seconds later before he appeared in the door, both of his hands on his hips, giving you an exhausting head shake. 

„What am I gonna do with you?“ He asked before he walked over. You let go of Ellie’s shoulder as he stepped closer, his lips coming to kiss your cheek.

„Ugh gross,“ Ellie gagged, jumping out of her seat. 

„I’m gonna go and ask Dina to help me with math!“ She said, running out of the house, the door falling closed behind her. 

„She forgot her homework,“ Joel said, now kissing your neck. 

„Mmmmmhhh….“ You nodded, tilting your head to give him more space, his lips wandering up your neck. 

One of his hands sneaked to the front of your shirt until his palm softly palmed your breast. 

„Think you’re up for some…. Biology?“ He asked and you giggled, getting up from your chair to turn around, your arms crossing behind his neck. 

„Birds and bees again?“ You said, playfully annoyed while he nodded, all serious, before you both broke out in laughter. 

„We gotta work on your flirting, Miller,“ you said before you kissed him, shrieking when his fingers pinched your ass. 

„Love you,“ he mumbled against your lips and you smiled. 

„Love you too,“ you whispered before you let him guide you towards your bedroom. 

[megalony]

Come Get Me

This is finally a new Tommy Kinard imagine, it's taken me far too long to get back to Tommy but here we are and I am hoping to write more for him very soon.

I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22

Tommy Kinard Masterlist

Summary: On a night out, an ex tries it on with Tommy, and (Y/n) sees. She goes to stay with a friend for a while after they argue, but when she realises she's unwell, she calls Tommy for help.

(Mentions of miscarriage)

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, where's your girl?"

Tommy downed the last dregs of beer in his glass and set it down on the table before he darted his eyes over to Liam who was sitting across from him.

The bar they were in was crowded and loud; louder than what Tommy was used to when he was flying the helicopters. He had gotten used to a lot of noise over the years, but that didn't mean he liked to be bombarded with noise all the time. What he wouldn't give for the bar to be quiet right now.

He slouched back in the booth the five of them were cramped into and looked down at his phone on his lap. (Y/n) had said she was on her way about ten minutes ago, she shouldn't be much longer.

"She'll be here soon, she's been in town."

A fondness washed over Tommy's face and he couldn't stop his smile from broadening when he thought about (Y/n). She told him earlier she was out shopping and when he asked if she wanted to join them at the bar, he was delighted that she agreed.

(Y/n) had met the guys Tommy worked with, but she didn't see them often or know them well. And Tommy wanted to wrap himself around her and have her here with him, he hadn't seen her in over a day because of the long shift he had been on. He'd come straight from Harbour down here to the bar, catching a ride with Joe who picked him up on the way.

"Nice. You two getting serious?"

"She's moved in with me, hasn't she?" He wasn't used to talking about his private life with his friends. He chatted to them and let them talk his ear off with their personal lives and problems, but Tommy wasn't always one for sharing.

But (Y/n) was different. There was something captivating about her and Tommy just knew this relationship was different from all the other ones he'd had in the past. He wanted her to move in after the first month of dating, but he'd managed to hold back until they'd been going steady for almost ten months. They had been together for a year now and it had been the best year of Tommy's life.

No hook ups, no relationships with complicated pasts or exes hanging around every corner. No troubled relations and girls who didn't understand the job. (Y/n) understood what Tommy did and the risks that came with it, she understood him like they were one person and she loved him more than anyone else ever had.

"She's here- no one wind her up." Tommy pointed at each of his four friends sat with him, examining their grins and ignoring their little wolf whistles.

He was partly joking, but he didn't want any of them trying to mess with (Y/n) or making her uncomfortable.

It wasn't hard for (Y/n) to find the group of men she was looking for. Tommy was naturally tall and broad shouldered, he stood out in any crowd. And when she looked over the booths, she spotted him instantly and the smile he flashed in her direction.

Her heart bubbled up at that smile and those pearly whites that poked through as he waved her over and ticked his head to one side to beckon her to him. As if she hadn't already spotted them.

(Y/n) could barely contain her excitement when she made her way over towards them.

She wanted to drag Tommy to one side and talk to him alone. She wanted to tell him the good news, but she couldn't. She had to wait. She had to stall herself; after all, she had just methodically planned out a way to tell him.

She was pregnant.

(Y/n) knew they hadn't been together all that long, only a year, but she loved Tommy and she had seen him around kids, he was a natural. He would be an amazing father and she wanted to tell him in a special way. She had been looking in town for ideas and found a onesie and a cute pair of baby slippers that would do the trick. She would bag them up and give them to him as a present to tell him he was going to be a dad.

Her lips curved into a wide grin when she walked up to the booth, murmuring a soft "Hi," as she rested her hand on Tommy's shoulder and leaned into him since he was sat on the edge of the curved booth.

She thought he would of shuffled up towards Liam, but to her surprise, Tommy wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her down onto his lap instead. The swift movement earned a gasp from (Y/n)'s lips and she bit her lip to smother her laugh when Tommy instantly curved his arms around her waist and tucked his face into her neck.

"Missed me?" She murmured softly and pecked the top of his head while she reached down to give his wrists a squeeze.

"Course I have. You remember everyone, right?"

(Y/n) nodded and smiled at them, noting how they were all grinning and looking at Tommy. The one who was usually secluded and kept to himself, but now for once, they could see him lovingly wrapped around someone, letting his guard down.

"What are you drinking?" Jake got up from the booth and grabbed the empty glasses. He knew what everyone else would have. He leant his hip against the table and gazed down at (Y/n) with a toothy grin.

"Lemonade please."

"You not drinking?"

"I'm the ride home, remember?" (Y/n) smiled at Liam before she looked back at Tommy when he finally lifted his head from her neck. She couldn't admit that now, she had another reason for not drinking tonight, or any other night in the foreseeable future.

She let go of Tommy's wrist to cup his cheek and she leaned over to connect their lips in a sweet kiss. She could taste the beer on his sugary lips that felt intoxicating to her and she couldn't help but smile against him when his pointed chin pressed into hers to tip her head more in his direction.

She thanked Jake once he came back with a tray of drinks, and when it became apparant that Tommy wasn't letting her move from his lap, (Y/n) decided to get comfy.

She slouched down a bit on his lap, wriggling her back into his firm chest and she tipped her head back to rest on his shoulder.

Tommy kept one arm looped securely around her waist, pinning her in place as if she was about to go anywhere. And his other hand tapped on the table, reaching out for his drink every now and then. He couldn't have been happier that (Y/n) was getting along well with the team, Tommy wanted her to come along to more of their nights out or when they sporadically went out for meals after shift. He wanted her involved in everything he did.

The conversation flowed easily and (Y/n) found herself relaxing and slouching more into Tommy as if they were back at home. Her foot tapped up and down every now and then and she kept her face tucked into his neck for a while.

"Alright, next round."

"I'll get it, I need the toilet anyway." (Y/n) sat up straight and clicked her spine into place in the process.

She may as well go to the toilets and then get the drinks on her way back, after all she had to pass the bar to get to the ladies anyway.

"Who says I'm letting you go?" Tommy muttered quietly as he leaned forward to tuck his face back into her neck. He felt the way she shivered against him when he grazed his teeth along her skin. He was rather comfy where they were, he didn't feel like letting her disappear from his arms.

"I won't be long," (Y/n) murmured and she nudged his chin so he would look up at her again. Giving her the opportunity to kiss the corner of his mouth to try and distract him while she moved off his lap. She sucked his lower lip between hers before finally detaching from him.

Tommy's eyes stayed locked on (Y/n) when she stood up, checking her dress was pulled down and free from any wrinkles.

(Y/n) tangled a hand in her hair, brushing it from her eyes that widened when Tommy shuffled across and got up along with her. His height made him tower over her and she tilted her head back, unsure what he was doing. Was he going to escort her to the toilets? She knew where they were.

"I'll order the drinks, it might take a while." One look towards the bar showed there were a lot of people packed over there. (Y/n) could go to the toilets and come out again before Tommy even got served. He may as well get in the queue now and save them all a long wait.

(Y/n) nodded, feeling his arms secure around her waist and his lips attached to the back of her head. They walked in tandem until they reached the bar and (Y/n) finally felt him let her go so she could head to the bathroom.

Once he watched her disappear, Tommy wedged into a space at the bar and slumped his forearms down. His lower back arched out as he waited very patiently for someone to come over and serve him. But he felt his blood running cold when a vaguely familiar voice caught his attention.

"Tommy? Oh, I thought it was you."

He glanced over his shoulder and did his best to hide the grimace from his face when he realised who it was. He couldn't hide the distaste from his eyes, but he was sure she didn't seem to notice.

"Hi."

Charlie.

His ex. The one he had a few hook ups with right before he met (Y/n). They hadn't exactly dated, it had just been a few odd nights together here and there and from what Tommy knew of her, she wasn't an amazing person. She was fun but she was way too much for Tommy, he couldn't handle that kind of snarky energy that she had and he was too old for just hooking up.

She wanted to be friends with benefits and Tommy was past that point in his life.

"How's longs it been?" She leaned her hip against the bar and patted his shoulder like they were old friends rather than, well, whatever they actually were.

"A while." He hoped the curt response would be enough to tell her that he wasn't interested in a civil chat with her. Tommy was out with his friends from work and his partner, he didn't want to riminess about old times or talk to an old fling from the past.

He hadn't contacted or seen Charlie at all since the moment he started dating (Y/n). When he and (Y/n) got together, Tommy cut all contact with Charlie and anyone else he used to have meaningless flings with. He was serious about (Y/n), she was the one for him.

"Fancy grabbing a drink with me?"

When her hand moved over his shoulder, Tommy shrugged off her touch while his eyes scanned around the bar. No one was coming to his rescue to serve him and if he moved away now it would only mean a longer wait as people would push in front. Although if he headed near the toilets he could wait for (Y/n) and attach himself to her, make it clear to Charlie that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"No, thanks."

When she didn't move away from him and in fact got closer, Tommy all but groaned under his breath. He turned to lean his left elbow on the bar with his body twisted to face Charlie. He didn't want to tell her to go away or be rude, but he had to make it clear he didn't want anything to do with her.

Although she seemed to get the wrong impression because she hooked her arms around his neck almost instantly. With a locked jaw, he reached his hands around to unhook her arms but he was taken by surprise when she pushed up towards him.

She had to be wearing heels which made her more his height because in no time at all, Charlie had her lips on his.

Tommy could taste the vodka on her lips and her breath was laced with all sorts of alcoholic remedies which made his nose crinkle. He leaned back again until he was practically pushing on the person behind him and with a bit of strength, he clasped Charlie's hands and roughly threw her arms back towards her.

Their lips detached when he pushed her away and his lips crinkled in distaste but he could of screamed when Charlie slumped into his chest. She was drunk, and the way she giggled and spluttered his name had him close to rolling his eyes.

But when Tommy looked to the left, his heart stopped.

(Y/n)'s arms moved to wrap around her waist and her nails started to dig into her skin, creating claw marks up and down her arms as she watched Tommy.

She had no idea who the blonde was attached to his chest, but she knew she had just seen them kissing.

Was he seriously kissing someone while (Y/n) had gone to the toilets? She had been gone less than five minutes. What was he playing at? Why would he do that? (Y/n) had been agonising all day over the right way to tell him that they were going to be a family, but this wasn't something she had accounted for.

Unsure what to do or what she wanted to do, (Y/n) made herself as small as she could and weaved past the bodies pushing in all directions.

Tommy wasn't like that. He wasn't self-centred. He wasn't vain or ignorant or the type to cheat or flirt about. (Y/n) knew he had been a bit careless in the past, he had a lot of hook ups, but he said he was done with that lifestyle. He had the gall to tell her he was too old for that.

Well, then what had (Y/n) just witnessed?

Her body trembled and she jerked forward when she felt a familiar hand curling around her arm. She stopped trying to stride away but when Tommy spun her round to face him, she yanked her arm out of his grip.

"Don't touch me."

She couldn't help but wince. Her words were like a steel knife slicing through Tommy and she could see him visibly wince and shake when he registered her words. His face fell and those deep blue eyes turned as dark as midnight when he looked down at her.

"Baby…" His ruby red lips parted and his jaw loosened but he didn't seem to have the right words.

"Who is she?"

"Someone I- just someone I hooked up with a few times, before you. I stopped seeing her the moment you were in my life." His words sounded so sincere that (Y/n) found herself shaking.

"So w-why kiss her?" If he was this serious about (Y/n), why hurt her like this and kiss someone from his past?

"I didn't- she kissed me! Baby I swear I didn't-"

"Get off." She shrunk back when he tried to reach for her again and she was dismayed to find tears already running down her face.

This was supposed to be a good night. They were supposed to have fun with his friends and then tomorrow she would give him the present and tell him their news. Tommy wasn't supposed to do this. His ex wasn't supposed to be hanging around and just happen to turn up and kiss him right now. And what if he wanted her to? What if he saw her and thought she was more fun than (Y/n)?

What if he thought it would be better to go back to her and what they had rather than the stability he found himself having with (Y/n)? Maybe settling down wasn't something Tommy wanted after all.

(Y/n) swiped her hands across her cheeks to brush away the tears before she turned away from him.

"Baby where are you going?" The urgency in his tone made (Y/n) want to cave in, but she kept her back to him and tightened her arms around her waist. She felt sick. She could feel her heartbeat throbbing in every blood vessel in her body until she felt like a boom box. It made her feel like she was about to combust.

"I don't know."

"(Y/n) talk to me, don't leave it like this."

He didn't want her to go. He didn't want her thinking all these bad things about him when he truly didn't do anything to hurt her. He didn't kiss Charlie, she came onto him. He wished (Y/n) had come out the toilets a minute earlier and witnessed Charlie latching onto him.

"No. I don't know if I can trust you." She wasn't sure if her words reached his ears or not with her voice so quiet and frail and the music so loud and obnoxious. But she carried on walking until she was running out the bar, aiming straight for her car.

She wasn't going home. She wasn't going to wait for him and argue when he got back and she didn't want to be alone.

***

(Y/n) huffed and opened her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. she scanned around her unfamiliar surroundings, taking in the pale grey curtains that didn't do much to keep the light out the room. The patterned wallpaper on the feature wall near the bedroom door; the tv on the chest of drawers opposite the bed.

Every time she looked around the room, she seemed to find something new, but it wasn't doing anything to take her mind off the fact that these weren't her usual surroundings.

This wasn't home.

There was no bedside table littered with at least three different books, topped off with a pair of reading glasses belonging to Tommy. There was no scent of leather cologne wafting through the air. No blackout curtains, no chair in the corner of the room with a pile of fresh clothes laid out for the next day.

No Tommy laid beside her like a human radiator.

She didn't really want to be here. As much as (Y/n) was grateful to Hen and Karen for letting her stay with them these last two nights, she wanted to go home. (Y/n) wanted to be back in her familiar surroundings, back in her home with Tommy, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to him yet.

He had messaged her, constantly, and tried ringing, but she didn't want to hear his voice. Not when she knew one word from him would break her and have her running back home.

She would talk to him soon.

Twisting onto her side, (Y/n) coiled her knees up to her stomach and supressed a groan by burying her face in the pillow. She didn't feel well. She had barely slept these last two nights, and last night had been worse. (Y/n) wasn't even sure what time it was right now, all she knew was her anxiety had twisted her stomach up into knots and made her feel sick.

Her feet began to fidget and tap against the bed as she shuffled further beneath the cover and bound her arms around her waist. Why did she have to feel unwell right now? She always attached herself to Tommy when she didn't feel great, and there was nothing she wanted more than to wrap herself around him right now.

She tried to switch off her mind and get some more sleep; the light seeping through the curtains told her that it was still early morning. It wasn't time to get up yet and if she did she had no idea what she would do. More time only gave (Y/n) more reasons to panic and worry and think about what she was going to do.

When she felt like she was going to be sick, she hastily pushed up so she was sitting up in bed but it made her head loll back as dizziness overwhelmed her. The air was cold and nipped at her skin when she moved the cover with a groan, but just as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, something caught her eye.

Dread clogged up (Y/n)'s lungs until she felt like she was drowning and she fumbled to turn the bedside lamp on for a better view.

Oh no. She was bleeding.

Blood was painted across the inside of her thighs and her sleep shorts and a small patch was soaked into the bed sheets.

This wasn't good.

Another twinge tore through her stomach, causing (Y/n) to curl her legs beneath her and press one trembling palm against her stomach. She had barely found out about this pregnancy two weeks ago, was she really losing the baby already? She hadn't even told Tommy yet.

All those plans and thoughts of different ways to tell him had all gone out the window now. She was supposed to tell him yesterday. She wanted to give him the present that was still sitting in the boot of her car.

Now something was wrong and she hadn't even told him.

She wanted Tommy.

Her knees coiled up to imbed into her stomach and (Y/n) reached one hand out for her phone while she slouched back into the pillows and curled her free arm around her knees. Tears began to fall from her eyes as her stomach burned with strange cramps that were steadily getting worse.

What was she going to say? What was she going to do? It didn't seem fair to talk to him after two days and tell him something was wrong and she needed help. But what other choice did she have if she wanted Tommy's help?

"Finally!" The deep, exasperated tone in Tommy's voice made (Y/n) shake and she could tell she had woken him up.

Tommy couldn't stop the relief from creeping into his tone while he scrambled to sit up and clear his head. He wasn't sure why she was finally ringing him so early in the morning but Tommy would be damned if he didn't answer the phone. He wanted to talk to her; he was desperate to explain and finally hear her voice and have (Y/n) tell him she wasn't going to avoid him any longer. Two days had felt like two years for Tommy.

"Are you okay? Baby I kept calling, we need to talk, I need to see you-"

"Tommy, please…"

A shudder tore down Tommy's spine and he stopped his rambling immediately. Why was she crying? Where was she? It was five in the morning, what had happened for her to be crying and calling him now?

As much as Tommy hoped (Y/n) had missed him, he very much doubted that she was crying because she wanted to see him. It had to be something complicated and more serious than simply wanting to see him.

"Baby what's the matter?" He tried to void the apprehension from his voice as he sat up on the side of the bed and swung his legs over the side.

Whatever was going on, he was awake now and he wasn't about to go back to sleep after this call.

"Please, c-can you come get me?" She felt stupid. She felt silly and weak and pathetic and horrible for finally calling him but not to apologise or ask to talk. She was asking for help after she was the one who walked away from him and didn't go back to their shared home. (Y/n) was the one avoiding Tommy and yet here she was asking for help.

"You know I will, where are you baby? Are you hurt?" Tommy would gladly go and get here, wherever she was, whatever she was doing, he would come and get her.

The break in her voice made his heart shatter and he stumbled off the bed, trying to pin his phone to his ear while he fumbled to find some clothes and get changed.

"Staying w…with Hen- oh, Tommy I don't feel good, please-"

"I'm on my way, okay? I'm coming to get you right now."

In the midst of the panic, Tommy didn't ask what the problem was or what was happening. He started to think once he was dressed and in the car, going over the limit to get to his friend's house as fast as possible. He didn't know why she didn't feel well. She could have hurt herself; she could have fallen or been sick or have some kind of infection or internal injury.

And Tommy didn't even question it. He ran his hand up and down his jaw and carded his fingers through his hair that he knew would be all over the place by now. He hadn't taken the time to brush his hair, put socks on his feet or head to the bathroom.

He stumbled into a pair of jeans and the closest shirt he could find, got into his shoes and climbed in the car. He moved as swiftly as possible so he could get to (Y/n). It had been a while since he had been to Hen and Karen's place; he met them for lunch sometimes and went out for drinks, but he didn't usually visit their place.

He pulled up on the curb and scrambled out the car, moving as fast as his numb legs would go up the path towards Hen's house.

He tried not to knock too loudly and only pressed the bell once, he didn't want to wake Denny and cause a panic. But he also didn't want to be stood out on the front if they were asleep and didn't know that something was wrong with (Y/n). He had to get inside and see her, he had to know what was going on.

His weight shifted from foot to foot, apprehension rolling off of him as he tried his best not to become impatient, but he could hear the clock ticking away in the back of his mind. Counting how long it was taking for someone to get to him. He had to see (Y/n).

His hand rose up, about to knock on the door again until the locks finally twisted and the door opened up. He could see Hen was neither happy nor bright to see him, she had one brow rose, her glasses skewed on her nose and she leaned most of her weight on the door. He had woken her up, just as he expected he would.

"Kinard, what are you doing at my house at… half five in the morning?" Hen glanced down at her phone in her hand before she shook her head at her friend.

She had been expecting him to turn up yesterday since (Y/n) had been staying with them, but she didn't expect him so early in the morning. She didn't even know if Tommy knew that (Y/n) was here. Hen was under the impression he didn't know because he hadn't messaged her to ask about (Y/n) or if she would talk to her for him. Clearly he knew.

"(Y/n) called me, something's wrong I need to see her. Where is she?"

Confusion pooled in Hen's eyes as she glanced over her shoulder before she looked back at Tommy. The panic in his eyes told her he wasn't just saying that to get inside and see (Y/n), something clearly wasn't right. But she would of thought (Y/n) would of woken her or Karen to say there was some kind of problem or that something was wrong.

"In the spare room, come in." She motioned her arm towards him and beckoned him inside.

Tommy followed nervously after Hen, letting her guide him down the hall and towards the spare room on the left. She knocked lightly on the door, uttering (Y/n)'s name but before she got the door open, Tommy was already weaving in front of her to peer inside.

Terror flooded Tommy's veins when his eyes locked on his partner, and he didn't like what he saw. (Y/n), sat in the middle of the bed, her whole body trembling, tears streaked down her face. Her hands were scraping furiously up and down her thighs in a nervous manner but it was the blood coating her inner thighs and the rather substancial amount soaked into the sheets that made Tommy's nose crinkle.

"Oh Christ, baby what happened?!"

He slammed down on his knees beside the bed, watching in fright as (Y/n) shakily turned her head to look down at him. He didn't like the way her hand moved to press down into her abdomen and the agony was clearly written across her face, making him swallow down a groan.

"God, (Y/n)…" Hen wasn't too sure what to say or what was happening but she didn't step any closer when (Y/n) shook her head. She only wanted Tommy; that was why she had called him.

Tommy curled one hand around her lower leg while his other hand moved to gently take her wrist. His fingers pressed over her pulse point so he could count the beats that were flying high as (Y/n) was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Baby, talk to me."

"I'm pregnant."

Or I was. Probably not anymore.

Tommy couldn't stop the panic from flooding his system, or the tears that he furiously pushed down. He couldn't lose his nerve now, not when (Y/n) needed him and she was the one practically going into shock right now.

He looked over his shoulder at Hen but when he saw her get her phone out, he shook his head. It would be easier and quicker for him to take (Y/n) to the hospital than hang around waiting for an ambulance and he knew she would be calmer if he took her.

Pregnant.

She never said. How long had she known about this? Why hadn't she said anything? Had their argument the other night had anything to do with what was happening now? Tommy would never forgive himself if that was the truth.

"Okay… let's go get you checked out." Tommy looked around the room until he saw (Y/n)'s bag on the floor at the end of the bed. He rummaged through and found her jacket, biting down on his lower lip when he picked it up and realised it was actually his jacket.

He helped her slip it on and he pulled it tight around her chest before he stood up, moving his hands to her elbows.

He didn't like the way her legs trembled when she stood up but the way she fisted his shirt in her hands and pressed her face deep into his chest made him feel a little better. She was clinging to him rather than pushing him away. He wanted to look after her and comfort her, Tommy didn't know what he would do if she pushed him away like she had done the other night at the bar. He couldn't bear to have her do that again.

Tommy managed a tight smile in Hen's direction when she pushed the door open and hovered nearby in case they needed any help. He was rather surprised but still relieved when (Y/n) stayed tucked into his chest as they walked down the hall, only pausing so she could shimmy into her shoes before they headed out to the car.

"Call me when you have news."

Once (Y/n) was in the car, Tommy patted Hen's shoulder and nodded, murmuring a quiet "Thanks," before he climbed in the car.

Somehow, he didn't think the news they were going to receive was going to be anything good.

***

(Y/n) slowly raked her hands up and down her thighs, creating small creases and jagged lines in her skin where her nails started to scratch and dig in. It almost felt strange, looking down at her thighs that were no longer caked in blood. She wasn't sure why there had been so much blood, it didn't stop until the nurse gave her an injection.

She wondered if she didn't have the injection, whether all the pints would just drain out of her body like a broken tap.

It didn't register for a few moments that tears were once again flushing her face until she felt Tommy's thumb swiping across her cheek to brush them away.

"I was g-gonna tell you, I h… I had a plan," She couldn't bring herself to look up at Tommy as she spoke, but she felt like she had to say something. That she had to make sure he knew she had planned it all out, well, except for what happened this morning.

She hadn't planned on losing the baby.

"It's okay." He didn't want (Y/n) thinking she had to explain, she didn't have to say anything. Tommy knew she would of told him at some point, whether it would have been yesterday, next week or even next month. He just wished he could have changed what happened.

Maybe if they didn't argue, this wouldn't of happened. Maybe he would of found out earlier. Perhaps this would of happened at home, where (Y/n) would have been with Tommy from the start and he could have done more for her and looked after her better. Instead of things turning out like this.

When Tommy curved his hand round to cup the back of her head, (Y/n) paused, waiting for his next movements. She felt his fingers tangling in her hair and brushing across her neck but when his lips pressed to her temple, the dam broke. Tears cascaded down her face again and she pushed forward until her face was smothered in his chest and both arms were wrapped around his broad chest.

"The other night, I was trying to get her to leave, I wasn't cosying up to her. I promise that you can trust me, baby, always." He wasn't sure now was the time, but Tommy had to get it off his chest before it ate away at him.

He couldn't stand the thought of (Y/n) thinking ill of him; thinking that he didn't love her enough to stay faithful. He had to make sure (Y/n) knew that Charlie- or any other girl for that matter- meant nothing to him, (Y/n) was the only girl he thought about, loved and could ever see himself with.

The thought of her thinking she couldn't trust him made Tommy's heart shatter. She could always trust him, and he would do what he could to make her see that.

"I trust you." Her response was muffled through his shirt, but Tommy heard her.

(Y/n) knew she could trust him. He came straight away when she called, he came and looked after her and brought her here and he hadn't left her side for a single second. All the messages and calls he tried to make to her proved that he was desperate to talk to her, to explain, and (Y/n) knew he wouldn't be doing that if he wanted to be with someone else or if he had gone around kissing another woman. He wasn't guilty, he was desperate; desperate for her to see the truth.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He murmured quietly into her hair, trying to stop his voice from breaking.

"I lost them."

She hadn't known for very long. (Y/n) somehow felt cheated. She felt like she had been told she was going to win something, only to find out she was nowhere near winning. A baby had been held out towards her and then snatched away before she got the chance to have them.

It felt like she had jinxed things by buying something to tell Tommy in a special way, like the universe thought she didn't deserve this and took that fate away from her.

"It happens, sweetheart. It's gonna be okay, I've got you." He peppered hundreds of kisses to the top of her head while he unconsciously started to sway them from left to right on the bed. He could feel (Y/n)'s hands tightening in his back and her nails were starting to scratch into his skin, but he simply held her tighter.

He would hold her until she told him to let go, and if she didn't, he would hold onto her until the world ended.

He tilted his head down to look at her when (Y/n) turned her head and smothered her cheek into his chest. She took a few deep breaths before she tried to look up at him through those long lashes that were still shedding tears, even if she wasn't hyperventilating anymore.

"I wanna go back home, with you." She didn't want to be here any longer, she just wanted to go to their home and curl up in bed. She wanted to be bundled under the covers with Tommy wrapped around her like a securing, weighted blanket. (Y/n) wanted to feel his face tucked into the crook of her neck, his arms around her waist and his chest pushing down on her like he was trying to merge them into one being.

She wanted to be back home with Tommy, where she belonged.

When she tipped her head back to see him properly, she found a tender look playing on his lips. He dove down and pressed a soft, wet kiss to her lips while his hand began to glide up and down her waist.

"As soon as they discharge you, I'll take you home, baby. I promise."

[rinhaler]

You Deserve Roses and You Know This

✧˖*°࿐ : 18+ only, no minors.    ✧. ┊ ex!Toji Fushiguro x f!reader

Genre: Smut & Angst Notes: reposting from my old account! Warnings: 18+, dubcon, vaginal sex, fingering, oral (f receiving), nipple play, dacryphilia, pregnancy, abortion ideation, miscarriage, depression, adultery, breeding, creampie ♡, smoking mention. Words: 4.1k

“Is it true? Did talking to Megumi make you cry today?” Toji asks you, peeling down your bra strap before sensually decorating your exposed shoulder in delicate kisses.

He didn’t notice, but as soon as the question left his tongue you had instinctively become dead behind the eyes. It was true. You’re an adult, and yet you were brought to tears by his seven-year-old son. It wasn’t that he said anything callous, quite the opposite, really. Earlier that day, Megumi had been sitting playing in your front room. You were babysitting, as you often did, while Toji and his wife were working. Your eyes hold shut as you remember his wife; his beautiful and kind wife while he continues littering your skin in adoration. You shouldn’t be doing this, but you can’t stop now.

Green sparkling eyes looked up from innocent children’s toys to pose you a question – “Why do you hate me?” he asked, genuinely. It was like a knife through your chest. You didn’t hate him. You could never hate him, Toji being partly responsible for his existence is enough reason to adore him with everything you have.

You just wish he was yours.

Toji is patient when he gets his time with you. It’s rare, after all, and he wants to make the most of it. Two large palms settle on your breasts, the straps are down but your bra is still firmly in place. He massages your flesh over the material, lips traversing the expanse of your body until he reaches your pulse point. He licks, slowly, hot eager breath contrasting your own temperature and making you shudder. This, he notices, pulling your back even closer into his chest. His left hand slowly yet forcefully moves up and down your adjacent arm, desperate to dispel the goosebumps that have formed on your skin. He suckles and licks on your ear lobe before nibbling it softly between his teeth. His breathing changes, his mouth level with your ear, he’s going to speak.

“Baby… what were you talking about?” he sighs, an even more chill inducing breath warms the shell of your ear. He pecks against it, the sound of tactile lips puckering slithers directly through your ear canal. You moan, unintentionally, and back further into your temporary lover. He holds your breasts once more; stabilising you, if only a little, as you begin to grind your core against his crotch.

“I- I can’t, Toji—”

Your attention is fixated on him as his hand encases half of your face and turns you to face him. But you both find yourselves closing your eyes as he places a kiss against your lips. It’s slow, yet heated, and you feel him smile into you when he hears you moan into his mouth pathetically. You’re well and truly at his mercy, though you aren’t embarrassed. How else should one act and behave around the love of their life?

“You can and you will,” he explains, biting your lip as he parts from the kiss. A singular string of saliva keeps you connected for a second before snapping. “you can’t have secrets with my son darlin’, you just can’t. So tell me, what were you talkin’ to him about?”

You gulp, nerves overcoming you like never before. Your eyes flutter shut yet again as he diverts his attention from your eyes to your body. The skin behind your ear is the next subject of his eroticism. And yet, he has the gall to chastise you for enjoying it. With one more repetition of tell me you realise you can’t stall anymore. Out of options. And you can’t lie.

“R-Rocco, ah—!”

“How does Megumi know about Rocco?”

“I- I told… him…”

He hikes your leg up so that you’re sitting on his lap like a little girl. The kissing has stopped and the touches have halted. Toji isn’t patient except with you. He’s never looked as furious as he does now, with you. Brows scrunched and the glimmer in his eye you love so much has ceased to exist. His scar looks as raw as it did the day he got it. A non-existent armour made you believe he wouldn’t mind you talking to his son about such a sensitive subject matter, but apparently it is not to be discussed under any terms.

“Don’t you ever talk to my son about Rocco again. D’ya hear me? Never.” he forbids, his eyes seem to soften ever so slightly when he spots that you can’t prevent the way your lip begins to wobble. “If you really wanna talk about Rocco, talk to me. Yeah? No one else, just me.”

“Y-You don’t let me—” you start, your thought isn’t completed. Thoughts are rattled from your mind as he begins manoeuvring you so that your back is flat against the mattress, jade green eyes boring into your very soul as he hovers above you. His arms dip behind your back, finally unhooking your bra and baring your chest to him.

Beautiful, he thinks.

“I’m letting you now.” he explains, his head resting on your chest, looking up with intent behind his salacious stare. He latches onto one of your protruding nipples, taking it between his cracked lips. He sucks and pecks, and it’s almost lazy, but you know it’s with purpose. It’s driving you wild, you can’t help but wriggle helplessly beneath him, desperate to gain some relief on your eager heat.

He pins one of your legs down, stopping you from continuing your movements. It’s torture, you think, he’s expecting you to broach such a heavy subject matter while you’re so desperate for his touch.

“C’mon sweetheart… talk about Rocco,” he commands. You can’t. Tears stream down your face as you do your best to experience Toji whilst thinking back to the past. Your mind spins and you feel as if you can’t breathe. He releases your nipple with an accentuated pop as he smirks up at you. “I remember how scared you were to tell me… when you realised—”

“Fuck, Toji.” you croon, a mischievous finger slithered down your abdomen down the length of your clothed slit. Feather light touches against your clit and your entrance forced your hips to buck upwards carelessly. He snickered, repeating the action again and again. “I- I remember.” you stutter.

You’d only been dating for thirteen weeks. He was yours before his wife entered the fray, before you had to battle for his time and attention. Nerves got the better of you, the thought of admitting to yourself what you already knew made you nauseous beyond any description.

Your period was late.

It was something you didn’t want to acknowledge, let alone inform Toji of. It had been so little time since you began dating. You thought he’d leave you, run away and never look back. So, there was only one thing for it. An abortion. You couldn’t keep the baby if you wanted to keep him. It was your only option. You were stressed, manic, exhausted. But at least you’d have Toji – that was all you cared about.

“You were so scared to tell me, weren’t ya?” he asks, hooking a finger beneath your panties before settling it in your inner thigh crease. He plunges a finger inside of you, chuckling when more obscenities fly from your mouth as your head falls backwards into the plush pillows. One of your hand grips the sheets below, whilst your other almost tears his hair from the roots. So little attention, and yet such a big reaction from you. “Thought so little of me, baby, ‘m sorry.” he finishes, adding a second finger to your scorching heat. It's almost as if the air in your lungs has frozen, weighing you down. It’s preventing you from speaking. From breathing. Even thinking.

It was confirmed when you finally took the plunge and decided to do a pregnancy test. Big, black, bold text told you the answer and where your future was heading. Motherhood, for certain. But you knew you had to take care of it before Toji became suspicious. It was something you didn’t even want him to know you were going through. Everything with him was perfect, it wasn’t something you wanted to ruin over something you believed could be easily taken care of.

So… why were you crying every day?

That’s what he asked you. You hadn’t been yourself, and that is what gave you away. Jokes he told that you found funny didn’t seem so funny anymore. The way he traced his fingers up and down your arms made you defensive, and paranoid. You didn’t want him to touch you in case he somehow sensed it in his fingertips. If he felt you he might just know that you’re carrying his child and he’ll skip out on you.

It all came to a head one day after you finished throwing up. You couldn’t keep your cries silent. Your body was betraying you, you felt hurt in ways you never had before and it was becoming impossible to keep it all to yourself. You didn’t dare tell a soul for fear of Toji finding out through the grapevine. But enough was enough, he thought.

“You need to tell me what’s going on with you.” he told you, but you shook your head.

“I can’t Toji, please. Trust me, I can’t.” you explained, “It’s fine… I will ruin everything if I tell you so… so I’m… I’m taking care of it—”

“Cut that shit out right now. This has been going on a fuckin’ while and I can’t stand to see you like this,” he responded, moving his head as you moved yours. You were trying to avoid his piercing glare, but he wouldn’t let you. He couldn’t. He’d never of forgiven himself if you carried on like that, unable to share your woes, and did something you might regret. “Trust me, I’m beggin’ you to trust me, baby.”

He forced you to sit down, and face him. He wiped away your tears with his thumbs and kept all of his attention focused on you as he watched you calm yourself down. Tear filled breaths that clogged your lungs fizzled into shaky exhales the longer you held eye contact with Toji. He wasn’t going anywhere, for now. If you explain you can tell him your plans. Maybe he’d support you if he knew you planned on freeing you both of the burden of parenthood, you hoped.

“I… I’m, uh—”

“Yeah? C’mon sweetheart, doin’ so good f’me just use your words.” he spoke, doing his best to tempt the truth out of you. With one final swallow of terror and closing your eyes for a moment to think, you finally found the courage to confess.

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out quickly. “but it’s okay I’m gonna get rid of it. Okay?” you fumbled out words quicker than you could think. You just wanted him to know that there was no way you’d be keeping the baby. He was what you needed, not a kid. “Please, I promise I’m going to get rid of it, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. D-Don’t leave me, p-please. You are more important to me than a baby, I just want you. I—”

Your rambling was stifled as Toji pressed a finger to your lips. He kissed you on your forehead, a warm smile filled his features. Instantly, you were relived. It meant that your idea of an abortion was enough to convince him to stand by you. There was no reason to worry yourself sick like that, he was going to support you through it all.

“You don’t have to get rid of our baby,” he smiled.

“W-What?”

“In fact, I don’t want you to do that at all.” he warmly spoke, pulling your body into his and forcing his head between the valley of your breasts. It wasn’t sexual, it was just a comfort to him to hear your heartbeat. “Maybe… we could start our own little family, huh?”

Tears roll down your eyes as you reminisce on it all whilst Toji adds his flat tongue to the equation of his fingers in your cunt. It’s all so romantic and wonderful and intense. You don’t think you’ve ever been happier than you were in that moment. The moment you knew he really would stand by you through anything at all. And despite your assumption, he was excited to become a father. He was excited to have a baby with you.

“I love you, Toji.” you speak, softly, unsure if it was even loud enough for him to hear. Oh, but he did. He doesn’t want to stop lapping at your swollen clit, knowing it’s exactly where you need the most attention right now. But a particularly harsh suckle and pop of the bead is a silent acknowledgement, he promises he heard you. “Gonna… gonna cum. T-Toji—”

“No no, baby, not yet,” he instructs. He removes his fingers from your hole, delicately rubbing them over your sensitive bundle of nerves instead. It’s slow and tormenting, but he doesn’t want you to cum like this. “I was so happy when we found out we were havin’ a little boy, y’know? So damn happy princess.”

You remember it well. Your emotions were running high and you had the ability to blame your hormones when you discovered the gender of your unborn child. But you couldn’t quite believe it when you looked over to see Toji’s eyes, eyes that are normally so strict and stern, glossy with tears on his lash line. He couldn’t help it, he claimed.

“Look what we made.” he pointed, the scan revealing perfectly what a handsome little boy you’d made together.

And later that day, he took you shopping. Money was no object. That is what you both decided. Neither of you could believe how much stuff you ended up buying. Paints for the nursery. A crib. Other necessary pieces of furniture. Toys. Clothes. Everything you thought you needed, you bought. You were both first time parents and completely clueless. So, if a shop assistant recommended it, you bought it.

You spent so much time together painting the walls of your baby’s new room. Toji was very irritable when you kept asking what to do and how to help. The paint wasn't going on as nicely as he hoped and his temper flared, it was extremely evident in his face. What do you do when you see an angry bear? Poke it with a stick. Or in this case, flick paint from the end of your brush at him. When he noticed what you had done and he turned to face you, you swear you could read murder on his mind. But when you began to laugh, he couldn’t help the laugh that snuck out of him.

There was more paint on the two of you than on the walls by the end of it.

“That was the day we decided to call him Rocco…” Toji mused.

He began to kiss up towards your naval and back to your neck. Your fingers laced through his hair as you begged for him to deliver the same salvation he was offering your body to your lips as well. He complied, slow patience had dwindled as your tongues found each other. It was wet, heated, sloppy. You felt yourself drooling out of the corners of your mouth, Toji Fushiguro is just so intoxicating. A drug you can’t quit though you know you should.

He’s all you have.

He doesn’t break the kiss from you, though his hand eventually meets his heavy, wanting cock. He guides it to your desperate entrance, lining it up perfectly before slotting himself inside. His hips roll, bullying his cock into you inch by agonising inch until your lip begins to quiver. He hushes you, though.

You both know you want it.

“I’m s-so – fuck – I’m so sorry, baby. I am so—”

“P-Please, pleaaaase stop.” you beg. He doesn’t. You are the one who wanted to talk about it. So desperate to talk about it that you went to a seven-year-old boy to discuss it. His son. “N-No more, I can’t—”

“It was the worst day of my life, too, I promise you that darlin’.” he mumbles in your ear. The thrum of his words rushes straight to your cunt, and you clench so hard around his cock you think he might have to stay there forever.

You don’t think you’ve ever been as embarrassed as you were when you came home from the hospital. Your pristine white maxi dress, stained in bright red blood by your crotch. The atmosphere in your house was foul. Two solemn adults who had lost everything in a few menial hours. Hollowness filled you, not a single emotion ran through you until you heard Toji a few rooms away. You sat on the sofa, turned on the TV and pretended it wasn’t happening. But you could hear Toji loud and clear.

He was in the nursery.

That was the first and only time you’ve ever heard him cry. A loud thud vibrated through you and you knew he had collapsed to the ground. Melancholy overtook him as his new reality was setting in. Your little boy was no more. No fault of your own, apparently, everyone made sure to repeat that enough times for it to really take root in the depths of your brain.

It didn’t help at all.

You couldn’t bring yourself to check on Toji. That would mean going into Rocco’s room and facing the truth yourself. So, you waited. You waited hours for him to finally come out. He came to see you, resting on the balls of his feet in front of the sofa where you sat. Fresh tears replaced old ones as he noticed the drying blood on your dress.

“H-How about a bath, huh?” he suggested.

You don’t remember saying yes, or nodding. But somehow, you found yourself naked and submerged in a bubble bath. It was like you had left your own body as he did his best to clean you. You could hear him sniffling. He was desperate to talk about it with you, all he wanted was for you to help each other cope. But you couldn’t. So, he did his best to lock it away too.

It was as if you had returned to yourself when Toji took a break from washing your hair to wipe more tears from his eyes. A soft mumbling of ‘Oh, Godddddd…’ trailed from his lips as he tried to pull himself together. And finally, your lip began to jut out helplessly. Your eyes scrunched, and the tears began to flow. You were staring at your bloody dress, and listening to him try and hold it together. It was all equating to too much.

It was real, now.

“Our… baby—” you cut yourself off with a wail, Toji pulled you into his hold and sobbed into your sodden locks.

He hissed with each thrust inside of your gummy walls. A perfect home for him in the form of your bodies fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces. He doesn’t feel like this with his wife, only you. He couldn’t stay away, he’d never be able to do that.

He loves you.

He loves you.

Fuck, he loves you.

“’m not good enough… I’ve never been—”

“Stop it, baby. You are enough, I promise.” he tells you through gritted teeth. It’s getting harder and harder to have a normal conversation while he is fucking you so intimately. Every ounce of his love poured into every devastating thrust.

He loves you.

“Wasn’t good enough for you, or our- our baby.”

“Stop it darlin’. Please stop. I- I need—”

“I can’t live like this-!” you cry out. His hand covers your mouth entirely as his mind tries to process what he needs to say to you. Christ. What does he need to say to you? Everything and nothing all at once. He thinks he should start with I love you. But is he prepared to open that can of worms?

“I need… you. I’m gonna leave her, yeah? My wife. Let’s… try again. Me and you, hah? I won’t pull out this time, let me… let me—”

“Tojiiiii—”

“You’re good enough, baby, more than good enough. I’ll cum inside and we can try again. I need to, I need to.”

Your tears stream endlessly but silently. Is this really what you want? Do you want him to break up his family to satiate your unfulfilled desires? It doesn’t matter. You find yourself nodding anyway. Perhaps it will dull the ache inside of you. It could be the plaster to cover to puncture wound in your aching heart; it’s been bleeding since that day.

Toes begin to curl as he continuously batters the spongy centre that spells your eventual undoing with his fat cock head. He isn’t doing much better. Nobody and nothing will compare to the rush and the high he feels as when your precious cunt swallows him again and again.

“Gonna- cum, with me. Please, baby. Cum with me now.” Toji pants.

Your lips are on his again, both of you focusing on your impending climaxes. The way you break away to moan momentarily before smothering each other in kisses yet again is such a lewd, romantic, high that you can’t get enough of. He pounds you perfectly and it’s an arrangement neither of you have been able to let go of after all of these years.

“Oh God, I’m cumming- cumming baby…” he alerts you. You’re practically choking on your own orgasm as it swims through you. Nails dig into his back as you try and hold onto the feeling for as long as you can. He fills you with his warmth, heaving like a desperate animal while he breeds you to the brim.

What have you done?

Time wasn’t a healer for either of you. The days got harder and harder and you couldn’t even stomach looking at him. Each time you looked at him, you saw what could have been. What should have been. The father of your son. The man who was going to teach him everything he knew and help your little boy cause all kinds of mischief for you.

The man you thought could keep you both safe.

That’s how he found himself married to a woman he would never love as much as he loved you. There was a drift, it was aggressive and painful, yet necessary. But you found yourself brought back together a few years after Megumi was born. You were practically an aunt to his son. A second mother, even. A sordid little secret.

You don’t hate Megumi, you just wish he was yours.

The pair of you got changed after he had his post fuck cigarette, knowing you couldn’t risk dallying for fear of being caught. You didn’t doubt for a minute that if you called him in a few weeks and told him you were carrying his child, he’d kidnap Megumi and run away with you to start your new family life together. And you would love that, you’d love him. You’d love it all.

But, it isn’t right. Is it?

He grabs his car keys, readying himself to drive you home to be alone with your dark thoughts. Before you step outside, though, something plagues your mind. A question that you simply must know the answer to. He looks scared, honestly. The way you’re facing him and eyeing him up as the same words twist and circle through your mind. A heavy hand rests on your waist, the other on your cheek. He’s scared, it’s obvious, but he’s still encouraging you to talk.

“Do you ever think about Rocco?” you ask him, genuinely curious. Toji has never felt the need to bring him up, this is the first you’ve discussed him in years. It kills you to think that Toji has managed to shut out thoughts of his unborn son while you are plagued with them each and every waking moment of your pointless life.

And there it is. That warm, kind smile, that is the Toji you know and love.

“All of the time.”

Four simple words have you breaking down like you did that day in the bathtub. Your head is pulled into his chest as he holds you close and tightly, allowing you to bawl every emotion onto him. You can’t control yourself and you don’t want to stop. It’s fine, he thinks. It’s clear that you need it. At least you know something today that you didn’t know yesterday. One piece of information that might take some of the burden off your own shoulders.

At least you know you aren’t alone.

© 2021 fuwushiguro | © 2023 rinhaler

this is a repost from my old account

[cherrygirlfriend]

touchy subject

pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: reader seeing her ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of a miscarriage, just pure agony! wc: 1.8k inspired by the song 'touchy subject' by peach prc. originally posted 11/21/2024

part II & part III

a white baby gate fixed in my hallway stays haunting the house with the angels we made; sometimes, i dream, a decade away, we meet in a grocery store; you look the same, with just a few grey hairs. the blonde little girl who tugs on your shirt with your smile looks nothing like me.

it had been four years since you had last been on kildare island; four years of trying to forget the life, or the ruined bones of one, that you'd been escaping from.

after ending your engagement with your fiancé, you'd traveled all around the country in your beat-up truck, hoping to find a place where you'd belong; only to end up back in the outer banks. they say there's no place like home, and in a way, it was true. you can leave kildare island, but kildare island will never leave you.

"everything okay?"

you're startled out of your thoughts by the melodic sound of your mother's voice, and when she follows your gaze to the baby-gate attached to the door leading to the kitchen, her mouth twists into a frown. "i was meant to take that down before you got here..." she chewed on her lower lip, a pang of guilt almost punching her in the chest.

"it's fine." you shrug, trying to lift the ends of your lips into a smile, only for it to look artificial and rehearsed. "i should start unpacking."

"alright." your mother placed her hand on your shoulder, but should've been a comforting gesture, made you feel like you were underwater and the hand was simply pushing you deeper.

you stood alone in the living room of your apartment, the only thing to be heard of was the ticking of the clock your mother had already mounted on the clock, mixed in with the sounds of passing cars, so unlike the day you first moved into the apartment, yet so much like the day you were last there.

"you should keep the apartment."

"rafe, i can't do that. it's way too much, and i'm leaving-"

"it's already in your name." the man sighed, smoothing his hand over his shaved head; he looked so different than usual, the dark bags under his eyes making him look like he had aged ten years, his usually tan face almost pale. "you can do whatever you want with it. keep it, sell it, i don't care. it's yours. i never want to step foot in this place again."

your feet were almost moving on their own, the hardwood floor cold under your feet, leading you to that door, and even though you felt your blood run cold, every cell of your body telling you not to open it, you couldn't help but nudge the door open.

you didn't know what you were expecting.

stepping into the room, you let your hand trail over the soft-pink wall, still remembering the smell of paint.

"you know, you shouldn't be doing that." he sighed, leaning against the doorway. "i can just hire someone to paint the walls."

you roll your eyes, your denim overalls covered in the soft pink paint as the paint stained the white wall, "i want to do this. i'm not gonna hire someone to do everything for me when i'm perfectly fine doing it on my own."

"you're not-"

"hush." you pointed the paint roller at rafe, "i'm doing this. now pick up a paint roller or quit whining."

you look down at the crib, lined with white lace, picking up the brown teddy bear that used to belong to you when you were a child, brushing your hand over the fur, straightening the pink bow around its neck.

hung above the crib, was a picture of a couple that had just gotten engaged, wide smiles on both of their faces; a couple that had once been so familiar to you, but now, it was like you couldn't recognize either of the people in the photos.

it felt like everyone was staring at you as they walked past you; four years clearly hadn't been long enough to make the people of outer banks forget about you, and as you made your way towards the local cafe, you couldn't help but think about how long it'd take for the person you didn't want to know you were in town to find out.

you were strolling down the street, rafe's hand in yours, your fingers intertwined. you licked the ice cream cone, deep in thought, letting rafe take the lead.

"what's going through that pretty head of yours?" he chuckled softly, bringing your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it, your engagement ring glimmering under the sunlight.

"baby names." you shrug, "what should we name her?"

"do you have any names in mind?"

"i was thinking..." you pursed your lips, not sure if the name you had been considering would be appropriate or not, chewing on your lower lip as you turn your head to face your fiancé, an expectant smile on his lips and his brows lifted in question, "evelyn."

when the name left your lips, you saw his mouth fall open, and for a moment you thought that you never should've spoken, but after rafe cleared his throat, there was a clear smile on his lips, his blue eyes glassy.

"you- you uh, wanna name her after my mom?"

"yeah." you smile, squeezing his hand. "i do."

for the millionth night, you were laid in bed, looking through pictures, featuring the faces of the couple above the crib in the room next door. pictures with the man's arms wrapped around the woman's waist, ones of them holding hands, ones where one was pressing a kiss the other person's cheek, ones from the several midsummers parties they spent together, ones from halloween, thanksgiving, christmas...

the girl in the dress she had planned to wear on her wedding day.

"rafe, where are you taking me?" you laughed, the blindfold covering your eyes, "if the blindfold's for some kinky purpose, you better forget about it."

rafe laughed, continuing to lead you, his large hands on your waist, "come on, have a little faith in me. i'm not that bad, am i?"

"oh, you definitely are. just last week we were an hour late to ava's party because you just thought i was irresistible."

rafe snorted, "well, that's because you were." he pressed a kiss on your cheek, "you can take it off." he whispered, taking a step away from you.

untying the blindfold, you blinked a few times, letting yourself get used to actually being able to see again, only to be startled by the sight of your boyfriend on one knee in front of you, a small velvet box in his hand, "rafe...?"

you wiped away the stray tear that had left your eye without permission before it could reach your jaw, continuing to scroll through the pictures, knowing that it'd be yet another sleepless night, but when you saw a picture of her, you paused.

you weren't sure who was more nervous, you or rafe, even though you were the one in the examination chair, your shirt pulled up and your rounded stomach on full display. his hand was tightly gripping yours, the man's jaw clenched.

"let's take a look, shall we?" the ultrasound technician smiled, and you nodded, feeling her spread the cold gel onto your stomach, a slight yelp leaving your lips, making rafe squeeze your hand even tighter. you looked to him, nodding reassuringly, speaking softly, "it's okay."

rafe's grip loosened slightly and he softened his grip, both of you turning your heads to the screen, and the moment you saw the little lump on the screen, you couldn't help but feel tears stinging in your eyes.

"look. that's our baby."

"shit..." rafe stared at the screen wide-eyed, letting out a low breath, "that's our baby."

just like on any average day on the island, the sun was shining, your skin radiating with warmth as you walked down the street, looking in through shop windows; it had been a few days since you'd first stepped outside, and it seemed like your arrival had become widespread news, and you didn't receive as many stares as you did before.

you arrived at rafe's door, bringing your hand up and pounding on the door before you could stop yourself and chicken out for the third time that week. you were a wreck, unable to sleep, to think about anything other than how much you knew you needed to talk to rafe.

you waited, tapping your foot against the ground and biting down on your lip, when finally, the door slowly started opening, a small smile forming on rafe's lips when he realized that it was you.

"hey baby," he chuckled softly, placing his hands on your waist, "you miss me so much you couldn't even text me to let you know you were coming?" he grinned.

"i have to talk to you." you pull away from his embrace, taking his hands off your waist, the blonde looking down at you with furrowed brows, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest, clearly alarmed by the slight frown on your lips.

"what's wrong?"

"i'm pregnant."

without even realizing it, you had stopped in front of a jewelry store, gazing inside at the things on display as you were going down memory lane inside your head. you let out a small chuckle, about to step back and continue walking, when your blood ran cold, the smile fading away from your face, feeling as if someone had stabbed you in the heart.

to anyone else, it would've just been the backs of two random people. but even without seeing his face, you could recognize the only man you'd ever loved no matter where you went.

his short-sleeved white collared shirt was tucked into his dark jeans, riding up slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, having grown out slightly since the last time you'd seen it, his signet ring on his middle finger.

you saw him let out a chuckle, and you could almost picture how it'd sound, his hand going to rest on the back of the person he was with.

a younger woman smiled up at him, and even just from her side profile, you could tell that she was gorgeous, her flaming hair flowing over her shoulders, the smile on her face genuine, matching his.

and when you saw what she was holding up and showing to him, the knife in your chest was twisted.

an engagement ring.

[merlinssassybeard]

'Ex' husband Gojo - You and I

Part 1

Tags- Gojo x fem reader, angst, self depreciation/suicidal stuff, miscarriage centered chapter

Synopsis- a look at both of their POVs, the aftermath a month later.

Satoru is devastated but so are you but worse...

22nd October, 2016...

22nd October of 2016 was when it happened. The Legal Separation between you and Satoru Gojo.

Fortunately or not but the whole fiasco never went outside the borders of The Gojo Estate, despite it involving a few 'third parties'.

Luckily, the servants of the house were on a week off or else by now you and Satoru would have become the new gossip of the town no doubt.

Mr Ijichi, an assistant director at the Jujutsu High and a very close and trusted accomplice of your husband... or ex husband, you can't decide.

He is probably the only person who knows about it, not in detail of course since Satoru is very specific on who he wants to be close with but yes, you suspect Mr Ijichi is a bit aware of what went down because he was the one driving the car on that day.

You also suspected at first that maybe Ms Shoko is also in light of the events because she is definitely someone who gets her information one way or the other and the fact Satoru might have... no! He has infact told Shoko about all of it.

When Satoru introduced you to the World of Jujutsu Society, Ms Shoko was the first he got you to meet with and since you have had good relationship with her.

Since your legal separation happened, Shoko and Ijichi have been a mediator, set up by Gojo, for communication since, you know it and so does everybody who knows Gojo Satoru, he's too prideful to go back wagging his tail where he's not needed. Or so he thinks.

Satoru thinks because of his work schedules, he is not able to spend time with you as your husband and not able give you the life you hoped for which definitely affected your mental health (as predicted by his six eyes) and thus you decided for a divorce.

But the new information that he got on that day from you made him realize maybe he was indeed wrong thinking that you are perhaps different from other women who only fell for the looks but mostly for the money and the status of the Gojo family in general.

He never had plans to marry in the Jujutsu Society or The human World (haha as if!) be it arranged or love. He did not care. He had plans to become the wise Sage or a Monk of wisdom, a teacher/mentor like in video games. But all of it changed when he met you, a simple average human.

You were the one who taught Satoru so much. You were the one made him realize that even the strongest sorcerer has a soft heart that has the capability of falling in love.

But what made him solidify his love, making him realize that yes he has fallen in love and he is glad it is you was when you (unknowing about his past with the incident with Riko and Toji) made him realize the fact that all humans are not same.

This was the last and final straw that made the fall for you really bad and sick. He wanted to marry you. But he never said it out loud because of the repercussions you would have to go through and that is why he protested as well when you brought up the topic of marriage.

But none of it matters

None of it

Not anymore

He is done

All humans are the same.

Greed

Lust

Money

Fame

Power

All humans are indeed the same...

Satoru has no interest in any sort of relationships anymore. Everything feels sour and bitter. All he knows now is his role. His role as the strongest sorcerer, a responsible mentor, as the Head of his Clan, Face of the Jujutsu Society altogether. These are his priorities.

Gojo would very much prefer a permanent sort of freedom from you now knowing your true face.

'Ugh awful, so disgusting. A whore? Really? Is that all you thought of yourself y/n when you voluntarily got physical with me before marriage?', he said to himself in his head.

The only reason Gojo sent Separation papers instead of divorce was because it would startle both of yours and his families. The society isn't kind to divorced women and that too the ex wife of the six eyes sorcerer. Oh what a wonderful way to make him vulnerable for the curses and curse users!

He can say whatever he want against you but somewhere, inside that beautiful big and kind heart of his, he wants to talk to you, talk things out, talk about your feelings and wants to listen. But his mind refuses to let down his walls, ever gain!

Days following the 22nd October, you mostly stayed locked up in your room while Mr Ijichi packed all of your husband's clothing and accessories.

Mr Ijichi isn't stupid, he knew it must be really hard for you that is why he tried his best to enter, collect the things and exit as quietly as he could.

'A whore? Why did you even say that you bitch. You really don't deserve ANYTHING in this world!', your days began with endless self loathing.

5th December, 2016

A lot happened in the month following the incident.

Most of your days were spent in self loathing because after your miscarriage at just 3 months, the doctor had declared that you're (uterus) not strong enough to carry a child.

These words are something a woman is most scared to ever hear in her life. And you were one of the unfortunates.

You had stopped taking your post miscarriage medications. You're mental health got worse as well due to continuous thoughts on how you acted up on impulses and ruined the only good thing you had. Days followed you couldn't even get the strength to get up from the bed every morning. Fading appetite lead to refusing food which further resulted to visible sunken cheeks.

The house staff didn't knew anything that took place during their week off and they had noticed changes around the household. From your behavior to the absence of the Head of the house. They were also worried for your health and didn't knew what to do.

The head of staff, Mr Kawaguchi, decided to make a call to the Master of the house since it is normal for him to be absent from the house due to his work.

Kawaguchi- Good morning Satoru sama. This is Kawaguchi from the house.

Gojo (a little annoyed)- I'm busy, call me later.

Kawaguchi- Sir actually there's a grave problem at the house.

Gojo (mockingly)- what? Did someone die or something? This better be important-

Kawaguchi- sir its Y/n sama. Y/n sama is not in good health.

Gojo (worried)- w- what?! What're you stupids doing? What happened to y/n? Is she okay? What did the doctors say?

Kawaguchi- uh about that sir... y/n sama didn't let us into her room and actually we had to... (nervously looks back at the the other staff, everyone nods)

Gojo- huh?

Kawaguchi- sir, we had to break into y/n sama's room. We have called the doctors and they'll-

Gojo- break into the room!? What is hap- Nevermind, I'm sending someone. You lot stay there and look after y/n till the docs arrive!

Kawaguchi- y- yes sir!

Gojo was now left worried at what the hell did he just hear on the call. 'What are you upto now y/n'. Is this some trick to bring him back out of pity and pretend nothing happened? That you, a month ago, didn't just randomly demand for a Divorce.

He was really annoyed and even if he wanted to go to the house he couldn't due to being out abroad for missions. He has been busy with overseas missions mostly after the separation.

He decided to send Shoko for a look and to inform him 'EVERY SINGLE DETAIL', verbatim.

Shoko was sitting at the morgue, smoking, when she received a call from Gojo.

'Ha? Gojo? At this hour?', she wondered.

"Yea?", Shoko said with her usual nonchalant voice.

"I need a favor"

Gojo explained her the situation to which she agreed without hesitant, knowing what has been going on between you two and now this.

When she arrived at the Gojo Estate, she was welcomed by the worried faces of the staff that guided her to your room.

She started observing every detail. She saw the entrance door, broken. The inside of the master bedroom, dim, even with long sliding doors facing the beautiful and bright gardens. There were half eaten bowls of food. A trolley with clothes overflowing.

Shoko turned to looked at you and felt her heart wrench a little at the sight of you. She was horrified and worried. She is usually a very calm and relaxed person but you, you really made her loose her calm.

She knows you and has seen you in your good days. In light yellow summer dress beside Gojo, all smiles to now? Like this. Dark circles umder eyes and slight sunken cheeks, chipped lips and several medications.... wait what medications?

There were already a doctor present in the room who declared that its just dehydration and that it'll be okay with a few medicines.

The servants thanked the doctor and ordered the medicines.

Meanwhile, Shoko was already in a shock. The medicines piled up beside you on the bed and the bedside table were... post miscarriage pills. She enquired the whole situation from the staff.

All while, the two women staff got you up in the bed and gave you water.

Eyes half open, you recognised what was happening. You passed out of dehydration and couldn't hear the knocks of the servants outside for breakfast. They were worried and tried the other doors, through the garden, but they were locked. So they broke the entrance and found still in the bed with pills surrounding you. They all got worried and one called the doctor and the head called Gojo.

Shoko noticed you were up and ordered the ladies to open the curtains and windows and leave her for a while. Afterall she's got some questioning to do in Gojo's behalf.

She extended her hand to hold your left hand. It seemed cold to touch. "Hello y/n. Remember me?"

You struggled to open your eyes and look.

"Don't worry i won't ask you how you're doing", she joked.

"But i will ask about the medications y/n. Do not lie. I'm a doctor too", Shoko knew now is not the time but she also knew that if you were pregnant then why didn't you tell Gojo because he obviously didn't know.

Your ears started ringing. And eyes welled up. You were reminded of it again. You wanted to just lay back down and bury yourself in the warmth of the blankets.

But the cat was out of the bag. Shoko is a doctor. She knows medicines. You cannot lie. You cannot hide. You have to be strong, you have to show her that everything is okay and Satoru needn't be worried, not like as if he is anyway.

"Please.", you mumbled, she had leaned in and caressed your knuckles. "Shoko, do not let anyone know of this, i beg of you."

"Shhh", she shushed you, "Don't say that. I won't. I promise"

She continued, "... but what about Satoru? You can't hide it from him. The child was his as much as it was yours-"

You cut her in, "Shoko i wanted to tell him! I wanted him and only HIM to be the first to get the news of the...", you struggled but continued, "...of the pregnancy. I got to know myself in the 2nd month and he was coming back home just next month, it was all perfectly going... until it wasn't".

Shoko was visibly upset. She didn't knew what to say. All she was aware of was the things Gojo told her...

He went home with gifts and souvenirs for you, you gave him divorce papers, he tried convince you not to, you weren't ready to listen, you said some hurtful things, he realised his place and agreed for separation over divorce.

Looking at you she can tell you would breakdown any moment.

And she was right.

You did.

You broke down in tears.

Hyperventilating you mumbled, "Shoko they said i can't have children! Can you believe that! I can't have kids! And I'm so stupid i brought out a f-fucking Divorce paper when Satoru came home."

"He was so angry with me i could feel it even if he wasn't! I'm stuck Shoko! I-i just - just want to go hide under a rock or maybe i should just kill mys-"

Shoko pulled you in for a hug. "Ah! Thats enough. That's enough. Shush now. Its okay."

"I won't tell Satoru, don't worry"

Series masterlist

Tags:

@autumn-slaves @wondermilka @hh0pe @chayunwoo @Enaaneaen @sweet-almonds @sindela @dazai-gojo-kinnie @whats-humanity-lol @thewickedofrizz @phantasmia @ghostllyyz @yihona-san06 @aesonsgirl @direwolf-5 @fairyyxsp @puroganggang @altyx @dianagracesworld @hermitkerm @leonesimp @minnerra @whitelittlebunny @letharue

[barzzal]

call me crosby → interlude p.2

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: angst, language, swearing, mentions of blood genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 9.3k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: the interlude is a two-part chapter dedicated for what happened between sidney and reader in the past and why everything had to happen ;) pls pls tread lightly as these chapters contain sensitive themes. you may stop reading at any time should it make you feel uncomfortable. this is just a reminder that you are still responsible for what you consume. all that aside, happy reading <3 (gif used: mine)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. teasers, interviews, events, and the like that are included in the series are purely made for fictional purposes and do not/should not represent any of the names involved in real life. please proceed with caution.  

Your mind wanders to the not so distant past while you do your night time routine. You blankly stare at yourself absent-mindedly as you lather lotion on your hands and arms. 

It’s crazy how madly and deeply in love you and Sidney were a week ago. 

You can’t help but reminisce about the reckless night you and Sidney shared. The very night that you think might have led to such a life-altering event. 

“Babe?” you hear Sidney call for you from the bathroom. 

You have just gotten home from an annual fundraising ball that the Pittsburgh Penguins hold to support the foundations it is in partnership with. As the captain, and arguably the face of the franchise, Sidney’s hectic night also meant having to always stand wearing your impractical heels and a smile that has to be genuine enough– but not so much as to come off pretentious and inauthentic. 

While all of the actions you’ve shown were true, it was evident that the pressure to remain perfect was taxing. To say that you were tired would even be an understatement.

You feel a hint of hunger but even that won’t stand against your need for a good night’s sleep. 

As you lazily take off your earrings from one ear to another, you hum as a cue for Sidney to let you know whatever it was that’s going on in his mind. 

“How does this thing work exactly?” 

Baffled about the query, you lay your jewelry pieces flat onto the tray, and aim for the bathroom. You were still wearing the dress that elegantly clothed you for the entire night. It was a dress that Sidney had picked out himself. A dress that he knew would compliment and suit his girl just right. 

The sliding doors of the bathroom were already half-open thereby causing you to see Sidney’s reflection in the mirror; his brows furrowed in total and utter bewilderment. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, meeting his eyes in the mirror once he hears your voice. 

He turns to face your way and in his hand rests what seemed like a tiny, but regular, container of skin moisturizer you have been meaning for him to try. 

“You watch me get ready for bed for years now, honey.” you idly tell him. 

Sidney recognizes the exhaustion in your words, enjoying how your lazy voice register in his ears. He smiles. 

“I don’t want to risk doing it wrong,” he explains. “I looked up this brand on the internet and I must say, it costs a lot for such a tiny bottle.” 

You roll your eyes as you take the product from him. “It costs a lot because it also takes a lot to rescue,” you pause for effect as you playfully point at him, “that face.”

The two of you chuckle softly. Bare feet and about to get unready. 

“Have you washed your face?” you ask him. Sidney nods. 

“Alright. What else have you done?” 

He shrugs, glancing over to his side of the sink. You’ve laid out a few products for him. Some of them he’d already gotten used to and some that he’s still figuring out. Sidney tells you about the few products he has initially applied. 

“Could you please help me?” he asks in that voice he only uses with no one else but you. 

You sigh dreadfully, eyes already closed with how tired you were. You lean your head on his shoulder, mumbling your words. 

“But I’m so sleepy.” you let him know. After having a few seconds of rest, you add, “I haven’t even gotten my makeup off yet.” 

Sidney knows you were beat. Even if he doesn’t tell you, he truly appreciates the great lengths you go for him. You don’t have to do it, but you did it all just the same for as long as it involved Sidney.

“I’ll take it off,” he volunteers. 

“Pfft.” you snicker a foolish laugh. “I bet I can get a goal past you faster than you can learn how to take my makeup off. Properly.”

“Come on,” he says, putting his hands on your waist, giving it a good squeeze. “You got to at least let me try. I know you’re tired.”

You give him a smile but reply in a commanding tone, “Promise you’ll do it like I do?” 

Sidney nods, ready to do after your bidding. “Religiously.” 

Once you agree, you let him gently lift you up the counter next to the sink so as to let you be in a comfortable position. By the looks of it, the odds of you falling asleep were high and Sidney just couldn’t bear letting you stand on your feet after you’ve murdered them with those ridiculously high heels.

“Nooo,” Sidney coos. “Don’t fall asleep.”

With closed eyes, you softly chuckle. “Mkay.”

He glances over to the rack where you keep your nighttime essentials and asks, “What do I do first?” 

Sidney willfully follows every instruction you give him as you patiently guide him throughout the process. His endless musings, in the hopes of keeping you awake, have evidently worked despite your exhausted state. 

You didn’t want to drift off anyway. You were in total bliss feeling his touch; soft with care – delicate. Sidney’s fingers graze onto your skin ever so lightly as he applied every product. He did what he had promised you. He did your nighttime routine religiously. 

His movements were put to a stop. You hear a soft clink of the product onto the tray; a sign that he was through. 

Before you get to open your eyes, Sidney leans towards you. He then lightly pressed his lips against yours so as to give you a peck. 

He plants a couple more before he eventually breaks away. 

“Done.” He says enthusiastically, seeing you with a wide smile on your face.

“Yeah?” you briefly open your eyes, Sidney coming into full view. You see him half-naked with only his pajama bottoms on. His chest was rose-colored; perfectly in contrast with the shade of his stubble.

You take a quick glance at yourself in the mirror so you could get a peak of what he’s done. Huh. Pretty good. 

You turn your head back and face him wearing a tight-lipped smile. 

“Like it?” he asks. “How did I do?” 

“You did fine.” you kid. 

Sidney pretends to be appalled. “Fine? Just fine?” 

“Uh-huh.” you tease. “Not bad for a first timer.”

“A’right.” he says with a smirk. “I know I could’ve done a lot worse than a ‘not bad’ so I’ll take it.”

“I’m just playing with you.” you tell him. “You did a good job.”

You open your arms, asking for a hug. Obligingly, he leans in and lets you wrap your arms around his nape. Your hands then found their way onto his face. Your fingers graze over rough stubble just as your eyes meet Sidney’s. 

With your thumb landing on his lips, you gently pull Sidney’s face closer so you could lock him in a kiss. Gentle and sweet. Passionate despite being done swiftly. You feel each other’s warmth– with your mouth and your bodies pressed so close together. 

Once the two of you break away, you say, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

His left hand removes some errant strands that lazily fashioned the side of your face. The other makes its way on the small of your back, pulling you even closer. 

Before the two of you dive into another kiss, Sidney says, “Thank you for letting me.”

𖥸

When Sidney asked you to move in with him, the first thing he did was to start a major renovation of his home. You were not a fan of it because of the obvious reason; it was unnecessary. But alas, Sidney had his ways. He told you it was not just his home anymore. It was yours. “Ours.” was what he said. 

It didn’t matter where the two of you were. Sidney had countless away games and series, and you had your fair share of business meetings on your end. But no matter where the two of you were, regardless of being away, your togetherness was kept by the home you have built with him. After all, Sidney’s home was just a massive block of building situated on acres and acres of land, standing still and lonely. 

Then came you. 

He stripped his home clean when you moved in. Little by little, you were able to incorporate yourself into his home. You had a say in every change; what has to go and what can stay. What paint colors to use and what kind of furniture he should get. Sidney did nothing but say "yes" the entire time. He wanted you to feel at home as much as he did. Neither the place nor the big still and lonely building did matter because he had you. For Sidney, you were home.

From the gorgeous outdoor landscape, classic hardwood floors, to high and white ceilings, Sidney wanted every corner of his home – inside and out, to have a touch of you. Only you. 

It was his futile attempt at a romantic gesture. He wanted to be reminded of you each time he was in it. Because just like what he said, no matter what happens, wherever he may be, you were the person he knew he’s always going to come home to. 

Looking back, it hasn’t occurred to you just how high and white the ceilings were. How distant everything seemed. Without Sidney, all of it seemed dull and ordinary. You just did not realize it until you spent the last several hours staring at that boring ceiling, lying in an all too cold bed that has seen the best and the worst of you and Sidney.

In spite of your still heavy and tired eyes due to all the crying, you find yourself reaching for your phone yet again. Maybe this time you’d get an answer.

“Please pick up.” you utter as you try to numb yourself with the endless ringing of the line. It was getting really late. Even with what happened earlier, you still wanted to hear his voice. That way you’d know he was okay. That way you’d know he was coming home. 

With time feeling like eternity, you managed to give it some thought. Maybe it was your fault. Maybe he was right. You did attack him; one way or another. You could have told him some other time when it felt right or when neither of you were tired. Maybe that way, he could have reacted differently. 

The weight you feel in your chest must have been incomparable to how he felt. It came to him unsuspectedly. The least you could have done was lay it all down easy. But no, you chose to put him in a difficult position where he has to choose between his present and the future. An ambush that was undeniably uncalled for.

Maybe, at some point, you forgot Sidney had a life where you didn’t belong. Maybe that was where you went wrong. Sidney had a life. You made him yours. 

Your hand travels down to your stomach so as to remind you of what life already is – what life will be. Sidney knew you were carrying his child and the first thing he did was leave. For somebody else, it would have been their cue to go. But here you were, instead of feeling all the right things you should be feeling, still waiting for him. 

If your calculations were right, it was another hour before Sidney finally came home. You turned away from the bedroom door and pretended to be asleep. He was quiet but his presence said otherwise. There wasn’t much movement being that Sidney was stoned at the door looking across the room. Looking at you. 

Out of all the years that the two of you have spent together, this was the first time he actually did not feel like coming home. 

Instead of the comfort he’s always felt each time he opened the door to your shared bedroom, Sidney felt unsure. It was as if he almost did not want to come home at all. Because you, who once brought him peace, was the very person who handed onto him a havoc served on a silver plate. 

Sidney no longer minded the fact that he knew you waited for him. He knew you were still awake yet the first thing he chose to do was head towards the bathroom. The clear cut sound of the door coming to a close sends shivers down your spine. You try blinking it away, but the tears just start coming. 

When the bathroom door opens, you squeeze your eyes shut knowing what’s to come next. It was a while before Sidney decided to come to bed. You feel it shift with the weight of having Sidney in it. 

Normally, his arms would magically snake its way to your body and lock you in an embrace. That was the only way for Sidney to get a comfortable sleep. Now, he stares at the ceiling for a good minute or so before he shifts and looks at the back of your head. 

He did not want to say a thing though he felt like he needed to. 

It was wrong for him to feel this way. He knew that. But now that he’s conflicted, Sidney knows he’s going to have to give himself some time. Perhaps, even some time away. From this house. From you.

He takes a deep breath; long but subtle. The one you make when you’re trying to calm yourself before diving off a cliff. Sidney wishes he could come out of his. To be able to swim back to his surface. Because as hard as it was to admit, you were drowning him. 

“Will you ever change your mind?” he breaks the ice and asks. 

Despite being nervous to what his answer might be, you return the question. 

“Will you change yours?”

He doesn’t say a word. And with that, you knew Sidney’s silence was his answer. 

You do the same. 

Though there was something he did want to let you know. 

I don’t want to have to lose you. 

But instead, he says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

You stifle a sob as a tear meets your pillow. 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t answer not because you didn’t want to. You didn’t answer because you were afraid that you couldn’t think of any. 

You hate to think you’d have to lose one another over the very thing that was supposed to make the two of you whole. The truth is, you were scared about so many things. You just didn’t know you’d have to be scared about losing Sidney. 

𖥸

A few days have passed since you and Sidney got to talking. It was barely one being that all you’ve done was fight. It was already more than just an argument and time has been nothing but cruel in letting you know that the sudden change you see in him now is his way of telling you that the both of you are not and will never be on the same page. 

Sidney chose to drown himself more in his Summer commitments. The last thing you heard he was off signing brand deals and staying a lot longer at the club. Now, while he’s busy playing in between putts and pucks, you’ve gone to another appointment and have been taking good care of yourself and your baby to the best of your abilities. 

You were at the task of putting away the lillies you have bought on your way home when you hear Sidney’s car enter the driveway. It would not be long before he opens the door. You have not really thought of what to say to him. As much as you try to understand where he’s coming from, you badly hope he does the same thing to you and simply honor what’s already on the table. 

The sound of keys being tossed onto the bowl rings throughout the hallway; commencing Sidney’s arrival. You see him enter the room in his usual golfing attire, lugging his equipment behind him. 

You have not felt the thick air of uncertainty for a while and you realize it was because he was not around. You offer him a tight-lipped smile once you meet his eyes. 

“Hey, you.” you call for him in a tone that lets him know you were open to talk should he want to discuss things with you. 

Sidney declines your invitation through his own, “Hi.” 

You feel a pang in your chest so you try and make up for it by putting the rest of the mess sitting on the island away. Sidney, on the other hand, sees what you’re trying to do. Nevertheless, he ignores it. Instead, he makes his way around you, heading towards the fridge to get a drink. 

You give up.

“Is this really how you want things to be when you come home?” you ask.

Sidney sighs, letting your words sit in the air. He lets the sound of the water hitting the glass mock you as an answer. You watch him drink its entirety with a stern face, unbothered to even look you in the eye.

A month ago you can’t even picture him behaving like this. Time is fickle, so they say. But it is just as unpredictable and brutal. 

“Sid,” you call, failing to mask the sound of your voice nearly breaking. Of course, you were desperate to have a decent conversation with him. You miss him. And even though you know you would not change your mind anymore, the best thing you can do is to at least have the chance to change his. 

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?” you reach for his hand to hold it. 

For a moment, you see his eyes soften. He looks down on your hands. You were scared that he was going to dismiss you but much to your relief, Sidney held your hand instead. He tenderly rubbed the back of your hand whilst he tried to find the words to utter. 

This was one of the things you miss. Sidney’s touch. He’s always had a way with it. Nothing really mattered for as long as Sidney held you. You felt so secure – safe from anything that may come your way. For as long as you were with Sidney, you needn’t have to feel scared. 

Just when you feel a sliver of hope, you see a somber expression in his face the moment you look back at him. 

“I don’t have anything new to say.” he nearly apologizes. 

Disappointment now printed all over yours, you choose to let him know of what kept you busy. 

“I went to Claire and got a sonogram.” you tell him, forcing out a smile. 

You opted not to get one the first time despite Claire’s advice. You wanted to have Sidney with you in that room. But now, it was painfully clear that it might never happen. Not to mention the fact that his child is continuing to grow regardless of what he had to say about it. 

Sidney gladly lets your hand go so as to caress his nape. When he falls silent, you continue nonetheless.

“The baby is healthy.” you add.

Shrugging the latter off, he asks, “What about you?”

He still cared about you. At least that was there. 

Is it really too much to wish he’d feel the same way for his child?

“I’m fine.” you answer, uninterested with your own well-being.

Sidney says nothing else but nods, dismissing whatever you still have to say concerning his unborn child. 

“Won’t you at least see it?” you try for yet another time. 

Sidney’s jaw clenches but he chooses to let it go. He didn’t come home to fight. 

He pays you a meaningful look, devoid of the fact that the said sonogram was already pinned on the fridge along with a few old polaroids that the two of you intentionally kept for each other’s sake. 

“I told you, I don’t have anything new to say.” he repeats himself. “And I still won’t even if I see it.” 

It was clear that the two of you were trying to make ends meet. But Sidney was not trying hard enough.

“Then what are we doing here?” 

You were offended, of course. You were utterly hurt by his appalling insensitiveness. Sidney did not give even an inch of care but that shouldn’t justify acting too much of an ass about it.

“Am I supposed to wait for you to change your mind before I continue carrying your child?” you continue, “I’m pretty sure pregnancy doesn’t work that way, Sid.”

Do you take him for a fool? He thinks. 

You touched a nerve, causing Sidney to lose himself again. 

“Who even told you I wanted one?” he retorted. 

What does he think would happen after sex? A gala? A dinner party?

You need not stress on the obvious. Besides, doing so would just take you miles down the surface you’ve barely even scratched. Dealing with a closed-minded Sidney and piling on his share of negativity would just be counterproductive. 

“I’m not changing my mind, Sidney.” you firmly state.

The time Sidney was gone did not make you want the things he wanted. It just made you certain – so sure, that you want nothing else but this baby. And you know there was no other way out. 

“Are you with me on this or not?” 

He scoffs at the thought of you making him choose. 

“You’d really go that far, wouldn’t you?” 

“That far?” you scorn.

“Sidney, that ‘far’ we happened to be discussing right now, is a life together!” you stress, pointing a finger at his chest. “So, yes. I am willing to go that far.”

Sidney could not find the words to save his own cause. But regardless of the problem he still hopes you can set aside, he knows that you will eventually come to your senses and choose the life that you were already living with him.

However, the wounds were barely even healed and here you were, deciding to pick at it again.

“I told you to come back only when you’re ready to be an adult about this and face it with me.” you order. “I don’t need you starting a fight because you know I will never change my mind.”

“Well, you know what? Neither will I.” Sidney shakes his head, adamant to bow down in favor of your will. 

“There. I said it.” he adds, thinking of the night you told him about your pregnancy. 

He sees your eyes watering and he knew it would be enough for you to pull him back in. But this wasn’t like the other times. You wanted different things and he did too. Maybe that’s how it should be. Maybe it isn’t worth prolonging what has clearly ended.

“You’re right.” he says, “I shouldn’t have come home in the first place.”

Suffice it to say that he did not deserve to feel half of what you have been feeling, you hold him back once he starts retreating.

“W-Where are you going?” 

“Geno’s.” He shortly answers. “I cannot be on board with something you chose to decide all on your own.”

You fall silent as it was not the response you were expecting, especially not from Sidney. So instead of speaking for you and his unborn child, you watch him leave once again. 

𖥸

Sidney made sure he was kept preoccupied for a reason. It was evident that you were making him choose. And despite him denying, he is certain that regardless of the path he’d be taking, you’ll choose to have the baby and leave the life you have already built with him. 

He hated the possibility that you might leave him for something that was unplanned. Something that could have been prevented by a birth control shot. But no, it didn’t. It frustrates him that you won’t take the only ‘out’ he’s got to offer. It frustrates him even more to know that regardless of your choice, he just could not see himself being tied up to a commitment he knows he will never want.

Yes, he may have wanted and hoped for a life with you but that was it. Only you. He did not need anything more. On top of it all, he’s scared. He’s scared because he knows that he almost hated you for it. 

You have reached an impasse and you and Sidney both know it. It was just a matter of who’s going to be the one to break it to the other. He doesn’t want to be the one to do so, hence why he chose to leave. 

Sidney was a man that loved calculation. Everything had to be precise. Otherwise meant having to give a shot at failure. That was how he felt for the majority of his career. He did excel at school but it did not challenge him. It took less energy and made him less driven. He wanted to acquire so much and be so much more within so little time. Wishful thinking and ambitions aside, he made everything he wanted happen. 

He just wishes he could figure this one out before it’s too late. 

Geno had his feet up on the couch, hands were glued on the game controller, yelling at the TV. It was another game that he had one of Anna’s nephews teach him. He had nothing to do for the entire day and he was a firm believer that wasting time was not really wasted – only if you make it count. 

The count, if you dare ask, was a 2-4 game versus some kid on the internet. N8Dawg29.

Geno’s shouting at the TV was put to a stop when the doorbell rang. 

“Lucky bastard.” he says, throwing the controller elsewhere. 

Given the moment’s notice, he wasn’t expecting anyone. He had no idea who it was at the other side of the door. By the time he opens it, Sidney’s face comes into view. 

“Sid!” he says his name with a giant smile on his face. The very same smile that was washed away by the look Sidney had on his. Lost. 

What brings you here? was what he wanted to ask. But given the way his friend looked, it was apparent that something big was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” 

Concern traveled to Geno’s eyes when Sidney spoke of your name as an answer. 

“Is she alright?” he asks him, opening the doors of his home wide for Sidney. 

Sidney looks him in the eye and says, “She’s pregnant.”

As the brand new information hit him, Geno begins to realize that such news might not have been well-received by Sidney. 

Uncomfortable and panicking as to how he’d make light of the situation, Geno asks, “Who’s the father?”

𖥸

Geno knew he needed reinforcement. N8Dawg29 would have to wait. 

No, it wasn’t because Geno was losing. It was because he had more important things to tend to. Let him leave it at that.

Two crystal clear snifter glasses were pinched in between his fingers whilst his other hand held a bottle of premium scotch. He takes long strides across the room, making his way towards the lesser halves of the Pittsburgh Penguins’ three-headed monster. 

The Captain had just broken the news to Kris, but unlike Geno, the defenseman took his time before sharing his two cents. Sidney spared no detail as to what happened. The truth that he didn’t want a baby, and the ugly truth that you did. 

Just like how he looked in front of Geno, the expression on Sidney’s face was more than enough for Kris to deduce that congratulations weren’t in order. Despite him being happy to learn about your pregnancy, Kris just couldn’t let Sidney feel as though his feelings were invalid. 

Quietly, whilst the biggest names of the team sat together, the weight of the elephant in the room was still borne solely by the team’s captain. Once each of them was able to take a sip from their respective glasses, it was Kris’ turn to ask a question. 

“Does she really intend to keep the baby?” 

Sidney nods as the alcohol runs down his throat. 

“Actually, she made me choose,” he says. “–said she’d do it with or without me.”

“Are you going to let her?” 

Sid meets Kris’ eyes, “What would you have me do?”

Kris takes a deep breath, conflicted as to whether he was in the position to say what’s in his mind. “You know it really doesn’t matter what I think. It is still your decision.” 

“Of course, it matters.” Sidney counters. You’re a father. He wanted to add.

“What is it that you want to hear from me?” 

“Just hit me. Tell me how you feel. I can handle it.” 

“All right,” Kris puts down his glass thereafter clasping his hands. “Are you a hundred percent sure that you don’t want to be a Dad?” 

Sidney finds it hard to answer. But he knows it wasn’t because there may be a slight chance that he would eventually want to be one. It was mainly because he knew saying it out loud would paint him in a bad light. He can’t afford to look selfish in front of his friends.

Kris questions, “So, you’re telling me you haven’t pictured yourself with a child? Ever?” 

“Of course, I have. It’s just– I don’t want to have one now.” Sidney feels like a fool for saying it out loud. “You know I love kids. I have always been great with them. You know how I am with Alex, right?” 

Sidney looks at Geno once he speaks but all Geno did was avoid his gaze. Even he didn’t favor how Sidney had to bring up his godson as an example.

Instead, Geno asks, “Then what is the problem?” 

“I don’t think I can be a good father. I’m afraid I’d screw it up.” Sidney fiddles with his fingers. 

“How can you be so sure you won’t be a good father?” 

Sidney sighs, “How did you know?”

“No one knows they’re going to be a kick-ass Dad until they become one.” Kris says. “I couldn’t even figure out how diapers work the first time I had to do it, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be a good Dad.”

Sidney runs a hand through his naked hair. “Maybe that’s it.” 

Kris’ eyebrows furrow, waiting for Sidney to continue. 

“How can I be good at something I don’t even want to become?” He looks at both of his greatest friends. 

He continues. “It’s different with you and Catherine, Kris. You both wanted Alex. You both wanted kids. I’m not quite sure I can even begin to like the idea of having my own and yet, here it is – already tearing me and Y/N apart.”

Kris takes a deep breath. 

With his words subtly laced with judgment, he says, “There is only one thing you can do.” 

“What?” Sidney raises a brow.

“You have to let her go.” Kris continued. “Even if it means she’d have to do it alone.” 

Kris respects Sidney for not wanting to have a child. He knows he’d have to understand where Sidney’s at in life. If he says he’s not ready to father a child, then so be it. But that does not give him a pass on being a selfish prick who he’d still have to understand in exchange for you and your unborn child’s sake. You were as important as Sidney is to Kris. He wouldn’t simply allow Sidney to take everything he could while you empty yourself for him. 

Sidney asks yet another appalling query. 

“Do you really think she’d choose it over me?” 

Kris answers with a knowing look on his face, “Any responsible adult would choose a baby over you, Sidney.” 

“Kris,” Geno puts his glass down, interfering. 

“What does that supposed to mean?” Sidney takes offense.

“What did you expect me to say, anyway? Did you come here expecting I will coddle you? That Geno and I will help you be this irresponsible?” Kris tells him off, switching glances between the two of them.

Geno calls him in a definitive tone. “Tanger, stop.” 

“No,” he stressed. “The two of you came to my house asking for my help. Here it is. I am a father. It’s one thing to feel unready for such an immense responsibility. I get that. But, it seems to me that you’re seeing this predicament as a game you just have to win no matter what. That kid isn’t even born yet and here you are, antagonizing him for breaking your relationship. That is your child, Sidney. Your child with the woman you claim to love. Even if you don’t want it, the least you could do is acknowledge that it’s here. It’s not just a thing you have to tolerate.” 

Sidney and Geno fall silent. 

Kris gathers himself and stands, aiming to leave the room. 

“Let her go, Sidney.” he recapitulates. “You know you’re not the person she needs right now.”

𖥸

Three days have gone since Sidney left home. You haven’t gotten enough sleep since then. You’ve tried busying yourself tending to some house chores but none of it sufficed. Tiring yourself did not help in your pursuit to keep your mind from thinking of him.

As much as you wanted to, regardless of your doctor’s orders, you just can’t function bearing a magnitude as heavy as the one you’re facing with Sidney, hanging over your head. Here you are, barely functioning through a day, how could you possibly picture a life without him in it? It seems as though the past is now a blur. But then again, so is your future. 

“Hey,” Cath’s voice soothes you from the other end of the line. “How are you?”

You almost forgot that you were on a call with Catherine. 

Dissociated, you answer, “I’m… I’m doing okay.” 

“Are you sure?” she asks for the hundredth time. 

For the past three days, you’ve always answered that you were. Perhaps, it was for you to save face in the hopes of seeing Sidney again. 

“No.” you finally admit despite Catherine already knowing, “I’m trying.”

“I know you are.” she says. 

It seems as though she wanted to say something else but didn’t know how. Sidney, apart from staying with the Malkin’s has gotten the liking of dropping by her house to see her husband. It had been a day since the first time they had talked about you. Catherine knew little of it but she knew Kris didn’t exactly agree with whatever Sidney had told him. 

Finally, she lets out a sigh, “Listen, Sidney’s here.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mere mention of his name. With a glint of hope in your voice, you ask to confirm. “He is? How is he?”

“Well, to be honest, not good.”

You find comfort at the thought. You might still have a relationship worth saving. 

“Do you want to speak with him? I can–” Catherine offers but you’re quick to decline. Maybe some time to himself will do you both good. 

“No don’t, Cath. Really, it’s fine.” you say with a sad smile. “Knowing that he’s there is enough.”

Silence sits on the line for a moment. You have always waited for Sidney to come home for the majority of your entire relationship. It didn’t matter if he was gone for days or even more than a week; he came home every time. That thought alone made the wait bearable. Now, the uncertainty of it all just makes the wait longer because unlike before, you’re no longer sure he’ll be coming home. 

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” Cath pulls you back from your thoughts. The truth is, you haven’t. 

“Have you been eating? What about your medications? Are you taking them?”

“Well, yeah. I am. I am taking them.” Sometimes on an empty stomach. Sometimes you miss it by an hour or two. 

“Have you slept at all today?” 

“I… Not really. I haven’t been sleeping well. There’s a lot going on in my mind.” you say as your eyes flicker to your surroundings. You then realize that the chaos in your mind has begun to translate into your home. Your sight eventually falls onto the load of dishes you’ve yet to tend to and others already cleaned waiting to be put away. 

“I know. But you need to take it easy.” she reminds you. Catherine has a point. 

“Please take care of yourself, Y/N.” you hear her sigh. “Your baby needs you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” you earnestly tell her, adding that Claire’s stopping by in an hour or two. “A friend is coming over to keep me company tonight. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

However, just as you stand whilst talking, you feel a sudden surge of sharp pain in your abdomen. 

You find yourself holding your lower stomach, unsure if it was something to be concerned about. Claire has informed you about the minor discomforts you were inevitably going to feel as your body adjusts to being pregnant, but was it supposed to hurt this much? 

Catherine calls your name when you failed to answer. 

“Yeah?” 

You start to walk, aiming towards the kitchen. Your palm rests on your abdomen in an attempt to relieve yourself of the pain you were still feeling. 

You hold the phone with a bit more pressure, you hear Cath ask, “How are you really? You know you can tell me stuff. I know it must have been tough having to deal with Sid.” 

You sigh in an effort to alleviate the pain. Your eyes begin to water by the mention of his name. It has been tough for you. If Cath could see it, how come Sidney couldn’t?

“I miss him, Catherine.” 

“I know you do.” she replies sympathetically.  “How can I help you?”

“I don’t know.” you reply as your breath becomes labored. “Just– , please tell him to come home.”

You shut your eyes, pressing on your stomach once you reached the counter. 

“We need him.”

𖥸

Was Kris right? Sidney was deep in thought as the paddle hit the ball from one end of the table to another. Geno hits it right back. Sidney does the same. They go on and on uttering no words but mere sighs and labored breathing as they play the game of table tennis. 

Even if Kris was right, he knew it was still going to be Sidney’s decision. If you yourself could not convince him of the life he so clearly does not want, what makes Kris think he can do otherwise?

Despite the heated conversation, Sidney was still thankful Kris had a gym in his basement. He needed to clear his mind; something Geno understood. Sidney rarely gets upset, but most of the times he did, it was for the right reasons. Now, however, Geno wasn’t sure.

“What are you thinking, Sid?” Geno asks as he recovers after missing the ball. 

Through his still labored breathing, Sidney puts the paddle down and briefly looks at him. He shakes his head, not devoid of a single thought - but overwhelmed by millions of it concerning: you. 

When he doesn’t hear a word from Sidney, he finally asks, “It’s been three days. Don’t you want to come home?” 

Sid plays it off with a grin, “Why? You’re getting sick of me?”

Geno rolls his eyes, “Yes, what are you gonna do about it?”

The two of them share a brief laugh, trying to lighten the weight bore by the topic of you. 

“I don’t know, man.” This time, Sidney tells him the truth. He does not know. He had hoped to know by being away from you. But if asked the same question of whether he wants the life that you do, he still has the same answer. 

Before he can say another word, Geno speaks as if he read Sidney’s mind.

“If it’s not entirely a yes, it’s a no, Sid.” he tells him. “You’ve got only two ways out of this. To stay or to leave.”

Sidney’s taken aback. 

To stay would mean to live a life off his books; blind and unplanned. He’d be traversing an environment completely foreign and unknown. To have a child of his own. To have a family. Forever. 

And on the other, to leave would mean to accept the gut-wrenching picture of a life without you; to embrace it through and through. And maybe hope that someday, it will eventually get easier. 

Before Sidney could even answer, the Letangs came rushing into the room. 

“We gotta go,” Kris announces with urgency, the key to his car already in his hand. 

Sidney’s eyes fall onto a frantic Catherine who was clutching onto her phone - voice trembling as she says, “It’s Y/N.”

𖥸

Sidney has never feared anything in his life. Between having to leave home at such a young age and thereafter fighting the horrible concussions that cost him almost fifty games off of his career, he has never felt as frightened as he did when it was you who was already on the line. He admits that he was not in the right mind to deal with what you have told him, but the fear of losing you was so insurmountable that it made being a father seem less terrifying than he could have possibly imagined. 

“Where is she?” 

“Is she okay?”

“Have you seen Claire?”

Wanting to breathe became obsolete once Sidney chose to speak all aforementioned. He held Cath’s shoulder, almost shaking her, in an attempt to get an answer. 

“Claire took care of everything. She’s fine.” she says, relaying what Claire had told her. 

He lets go a sigh of relief. He runs his fingers through his evidently unkempt hair – and asks, “What about the baby?”

If the record was right, it was the first time he’s ever asked about your baby. 

Despite how Cath felt about Sidney, she did not simply have the answer.

Worriedly, he walks past her and looks through the small window of the lounge door. He sees a handful of people, mostly visitors. Sure – there were doctors going from one side of the room to the other wearing their coats and clipboards in hand, talking. Always talking. Giving out information, whether well-received or heart piercing. It was a whole ‘nother job that seemed so ordinary. A whole lot more than what is perceived.

Sidney wanted to go to you. He wanted to find you. But how can he do that if doing so would mean causing more risks than he’s already had? Because even if it was the least of his worries, Sidney could not possibly handle more attention from the crowd. 

It was exactly the ugliness you had to bear being with Sidney. Being with him meant having to consider who he was inside and outside of the rink; that your personal life is inevitably tangled with the one he had with his skates on. There was no double life with Sidney. He has successfully integrated the two so he gets to live both. As for you, you were the tide that went along with it — the tide that kept his boat afloat. 

𖥸

Claire hoped she wouldn’t be spending the night in the hospital. But then came you. 

She was glad she still had the spare key you’ve given her to your home. Between scrambling to find it amidst her million other keys and finding you sitting on the cold floor of the kitchen, holding your stomach, with blood apparent in your clothing, Claire was just glad that she got to you the soonest you needed her to. 

“My baby–” was the first thing you told her as you tried speaking in between sobs. 

You looked at her, tears running down your cheeks, once she had approached you. 

“It’s alright. I got you. I got you.” she repeatedly told you. 

Her eyes fell onto where your hand was. Truth be told, she has never been this scared in her life. It was crazy how she simultaneously knew and didn’t know what to do. It was you. Your safety and the life of the child you’ve yet to birth, placed unexpectedly in her hands. Despite all that, she was certain that she’s not about to lose anyone. Neither you nor your baby. 

“Please don’t pass out.” she murmured more to herself as she held your face. “Stay with me, alright? You guys are gonna be okay. You’ll be okay.”

Claire stayed true to her word and took care of you. You were settled in a private room, resting. It was evident that all the emotional and physical turmoil you’ve been trying to suppress has finally caught on and got the better hold of you. Scarily so, despite the night’s ordeal, you were now safe. You and the baby. 

You were asleep when Claire left you in your hospital room. She still has a few of your documents that needed sorting out. Well, that and having to deal with the man – with both of his hands placed on his waist, pacing – waiting for her at the end of the lobby. 

“How is she?” Sidney asks Claire the moment he was within hearing distance. 

She ignores him. Instead, she goes inside the waiting room and acknowledges the presence of Catherine alongside Kris and Evgeni. 

“How is she?” Catherine shoots the same question. 

Claire initially answers with a nod then proceeds, “She’s going to be fine. We just need to let her get some rest.” 

Cath nods as well as the others. 

“And the baby?” 

Claire doesn’t give a definite answer. 

“We’re still waiting for several results.” 

“W-Why?” Sidney jumps in the conversation. “Did something happen to the baby?” 

Unfortunately, as much as Claire wanted to hit Sidney’s face, she couldn’t. She wasn’t in the hospital just because she’s your friend. Simply put, duty calls. And right now, Sidney demands her of it. 

“I am not at liberty to disclose anything at the moment, but I assure you, we are doing the best we can.” she tells Sidney despite not meeting his eyes. 

“Will you at least let me see her?” He pleads.

“I don’t think so.” she states firmly.

“What– Why?” Sidney asks quite defensively. “I am her emergency contact person!”

“No, you are not.” she informs him. “You cannot see her files because you are no longer her emergency contact person. I am now. You are neither her next of kin nor are you married. And if you are present as any partner should have, you would know.” 

Sidney scoffs, “That’s bullshit.”

“You are not my patient, Sid. I am in no way responsible for disclosing information Y/N clearly doesn’t want to share with you.”

“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Sidney complains.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Claire tells him. 

“I can’t believe how unprofessional you can be!” Sidney exclaims when Claire continues to ignore his requests. 

“No,” She looks at him for a moment, gets back to reading your form on her clipboard, and meets Sid’s eyes once again. “It’s the consequences.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” 

The Letangs come in between the two to mitigate the tension, “We’ll just wait for as long as we need to.”

“Why? What’s the plan, Sid? Huh? Isn’t this what you wanted? To spend your years like Jagr?”

“Don’t you fucking go there.” He warns.

Even more appalled by Sidney’s reaction, Claire grins and shrugs shamelessly before walking away.

“I think I just did.”

𖥸

Sidney did not exactly know how he did it and how fast he had done it, but as soon as Claire had her hands full, he went straight to grab the brass metal of the door knob leading to your room. 

Quietly, as he spared one last glance of his surroundings, he turns it and opens the door. 

It was a good thing that your bed was not adjacent to the doorway. Sidney could not fully comprehend the things wrecking his brain all at once. Although he knew of one thing: he finally gets to see you. 

Your mind drifts right off the tip of your finger as you look outside your window. The fog was so even and misty that it made the entire window a blur. The only thing you could see were the steady white lights of that huge corner block building fashioned by the noise of cars driving off to a better place than the four corners of your hospital bedroom. 

Judging by the scenery, you could tell that it was well past midnight. 

As you lie with your still aching heart, you find yourself grazing your stomach ever so gently as if you were holding something– someone, much more meaningful than your entire being. 

If only he was– 

“Hey.” 

He is. 

Sidney had both of his hands resting on his side alienated by the thick air he usually causes. It was a battle as to whether to go near you or stay still. But judging by the way you looked at him so strangely, he knew he didn’t have any other choice. 

You watch him inch himself closer until he is already at the foot of the bed. He looked unusually small for a man of his stature. Your eyes did not miss a thing. You saw the hesitant look he had coupled with the urgency that is perhaps all too late to be paraded before your eyes. 

Despite noticing all that, in Sidney’s eyes, you did nothing but look. He was scared not because it made him uneasy. He was scared because you have never looked at him that way. 

There are so many things to be said but Sidney was at a loss for words. He wanted to ask how you were; how the baby was. He wanted to say how sorry he felt for leaving and how dumb it was to let you suffer when he could’ve been there like he should have. He wanted to let you know how badly he prays and hopes that you’ll find it in yourself to forgive him. But mostly, he just really wished that you’d still want to make it work and build that family – with him. 

How could he say all that when it feels like you were miles away beyond his reach despite him already holding your hand? 

Finally, as though the words have only occurred to him, he asks, “How are you?” 

He looks back at you as intently as he thought you did. However, your eyes mirrored his, unwillingly. Sidney takes the empty seat beside your bed; never letting go of his hold on you. 

Soon enough, you look away and aim your attention onto his hands. Both of his palms embraced your hand oh so desperately, pleading a prayer only he could hear. 

“I’m sorry.” he says, eyes now misty with tears. “It’s all my fault. I should’ve been with you. I’m sorry. I was selfish. Please please forgive me.” he adds, pressing wet and much more desperate kisses on your hand. 

He waited for you to say something in return but he received nothing. You looked at him exactly the way you did when he arrived; sparing him a blink or two whenever your eyes got tired.

It was the kind of silence Sidney wasn’t accustomed to. It was the kind of silence he never knew. 

Until now. Until you.

His voice breaks when he decides to speak yet again. 

“Please say something.” he desperately asks. 

But you don’t. 

You just lie in the same cold bed, letting him hold your hand. 

Afraid of what has become you, Sidney masks his fear with a wide smile albeit it didn’t do any better. It just made him feel worse. Maybe even a thousand times more than he’s already had. 

“Mon amour…” he calls you. “Please talk to me.”

You blink and look away. 

Sorrow now filling the void he feels from within, Sidney sees your hand that was still resting atop your stomach. 

For the first time, he then dared to ask, “How… How's the baby?” 

Sidney sees you look at him yet again as if to finally acknowledge his presence in the room. 

However, the words you spoke next nearly made him wish you did not bother at all. 

“There is no baby, Sidney.”

You spit the words like vile coursing from your throat; voice hoarse from the eventful night. 

“W-What?” he stammers, evidently shocked at your uninhibited way of revealing such news. 

“There is no baby.” you repeat just as you remove your hand from his hold. 

“You may go.” you quietly add, looking away. 

Confused, off-guard, and terrified, Sidney tries to grasp the thought of the truth. 

“What do you mean there is no baby?” Sidney begins to flood you with queries. “They must have read the tests wrong. It can’t be right, can it? Claire told Cathy everything was fine! We do have a baby!” he nearly grovels trying to get a hold of you, pleading. 

“We have a baby, y/n.” He breaks. “We’re going to be a family.”

Oh you’d kill to have him say those words when you needed him to. Only he didn’t. And that is the truth you’re now choosing. 

“I need you to go, Sidney.” you respond calmly, frustrating him even more. 

“Please, y/n!” he cries. “What happened to our baby?” 

“It’s gone, alright!” you lose it just as Sidney’s world begins to crumble, “You got what you wanted!”

You blink away the tears about to break just as you say, “I need you to go because I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“No– There’s got to be another way for us. We always find a way.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Sidney.” you reiterate. “I don’t think we should be together.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re mad at me,” he argues. “Just be mad at me, y/n!” 

He grabs your hand and places it close to his cheek. You can feel the tears on his skin and his desperate cry to escape the inevitable. 

You look at him with the same fondness you once had. The last he’ll ever see. 

“It’s over, Sid.” you declare. “I don’t want this– I don’t want to be with you.”

“Y/N… please,” he says. “I’m begging you.” 

“Leave, Sidney.” you reach for the red button on the side of your bed, hoping to get Claire. 

Sidney’s tears continue to fall. But you no longer care. 

“I can’t do this without you.” he says in between sobs. 

You press the red button repeatedly. You wipe your tears away wishing Claire would get to you faster. 

“Please don’t end us.” he says, knees already on the cold hospital floor; a complete mess. “Please don’t make me leave.” 

Before you can push him further away, the door to your room abruptly opens; Kris and Geno come into view. 

With a firm yet cautious voice, Geno calls him. “Sidney.” 

Kris puts an arm over Sidney’s shoulder, “Let her get some rest.”

“Y/N–” Sidney calls for you once more; bearing with him the thought of losing his son and his son’s mother. The family you wanted a little too early. The family he wanted a little too late. The painful truth that Sidney chose to carry with him for years however ugly and cruel you made it to be just so he can still make it seem real. 

If only he knew.

series taglist: to be reblogged! [tumblr crashes a lot and won't let me post smh]

note: woooow been a hot min! how's everyone? i hope you liked this long over-due update i'm so sorry life got in the way for a bit. anw, you know how much of a sucker i am for interaction so lmk what you think love ya! ♡

add yourself to the series taglist here. i appreciate all kinds of feedback! ♡

[bouquetface]

Vedic Observations 12

Accuracy influenced by the entire chart. Reading for only a few placements will never give the full story, the chart must be read as a whole for accuracy. take this as learner's info + entertainment.

Rahu in 9th House

The person can create their own belief/religious/moral system. They may respect and understand traditional belief's but they have their twist on how they interpret it. Rahu is the unconventional so this person's belief system will not be shared by most around them.

Rahu in 9th aspects 1st H, Rahu creates illusions and fogs up one's understanding of their purpose and self. Finding yourself takes time. This placement is unlikely to be the type of person who knew what they wanted to do from a young and actually proceed to do it. They have obstacles and confusion in finding themselves.

Rahu in 9th H aspects 5th H, this suggests your children could be unique in some way. If Venus is debilitated in D7, the children may be disabled. You could have a surprise/unplanned pregnancy occur. You could have a miscarriage shocking you. Something unconventional occurs in regard to what you create/your children. You could encounter deceptive romantic partners too.

This suggests foreign travel however Rahu is malefic. I've noticed they can have hardship in foreign places. They can have hardship in finishing higher education too. Often, this placement will try their best to seek higher education - formally or informally.

Rahu is a rebel, 9th H deals with the Law in certain cases this gives someone with loose morals. ex: criminals. This placement can find ways to justify their wrongdoings using religion or other corrupt thinking. ex: someone who discriminates and uses God as excuse for their ignorance. Or someone who breaks the law but thinks it's okay because they've had a hard life.

Rahu aspects the 3rd House when in 9th H. The relationship with siblings can become distant at some point. In extreme cases, you can have a sibling die before old age. You can have unique thinking possibly corrupt and/or obsessive thinking.

There may be something unconventional about your father. Depending on the entire chart, the father can be a loser in society or very strict with you. How this manifests will vary - ex: father is of a different religion, father has a unique career, father is foreign from your mother, father is not conforming to the father/masculine role, etc. Your father or his side of the family may live in foreign lands.

For better or for worse, your life/future is majorly dependent on your father and his side of the family. If they are loving and supportive, you will do well. If they don't, you will struggle a lot. They can make your life Hell.

Jupiter in 11th House

Jupiter aspects 3rd, 5th and 7th house from the 11th H. Unless Jupiter is debilitated, it can provide blessings to these houses. Accuracy is dependent on entire chart tho. If these houses have debilitated or malefics in them, you may not see any blessings - however the hardships are unlikely to be worst case scenario.

Aquarius Moon

Feeling like an outsider. Being an outsider. Finding it hard to relate to others. People find it hard to relate to you - some people hate what they can't understand.

I've noticed often aqua moon celebs get comments describing them as "depressing" "monotone" + get jokingly accused of being an alien.

Aqua moons get 1 of 2 reactions when first getting to know someone - ppl are fascinated by them or ppl are weirded out by them. The entire chart will influence the exact experience for each person.

Repressed emotions. Delayed emotional reaction - they can experience something difficult, refuse to think/process it until much later. They'll become an emotional wreck (usually in secret) when everyone else has moved on. Lonely & isolating moon sign.

Parents Appearance:

4th House & 9th House can correlate to physical traits of your mother & father.

ex: Saturn Aqua 4th H - this person’s mom is very tall. Cancer Mars 9th H - their father is shorter than their mother.

Early Death of Parents:

9th H in vedic shows father. This person has 9th H ruler (Jupiter) conjunct Ketu in Natal. At age 11, they had their Jupiter/Ketu dasha+bhukti period. Their father died.

This person has Moon conjunct Ketu. At age 5, this person had their Moon/Ketu dasha+bhukti period. Their mom died.

[logansobsession]

Anything But You Pt. 1

Ft. Logan Howlett x f! Reader- X-men,marvel

( Logan’s your ex husband, leaving you without any explanation on a Sunday morning. It’s been 3 years since the divorce had been finalized.)

Setting- 70’s Logan ( days of future past)

Contains: fluff, smut!!, talks of miscarriage, age gap, receiving oral and fingering, unprotected piv, alcohol usage, blood, wounds, suicidal ideations

Word count: 5k

Authors note: Hi everyone! I really hope this reads well, as it is my first fanfic!! So please gentle with me. It’s a SLOW BURN, my lord is the ending so VERY worth it!!

———————————————————————--------------------------

You were once happy. Happy and in love with Logan Howlett. It seemed as if it would last forever. However, one Sunday morning, Logan asked you for a divorce. Nothing was necessarily wrong with your marriage so his desire for a divorce came as a complete shock to you. Even after it had been finalized, you were still in a state of shock and absolute denial. You thought that at anytime now, you would wake up in Logan's arms, nothing but a bad dream. A month after the divorce, you had decided to pack your belongings and leave the X-men, knowing it was best for your mental health if you stayed away from Logan as far away as possible. You found a tiny excuse of an apartment within the city, got a job at the nearest clinic, and eventually a second job at a bar.

This was almost three years ago. Logan hasn't seen you since. Never checked in. He made you feel as if he was a ghost. That he was now. A ghost of your past. Logan seemed to be moving on with what he made of his life, in a relationship with a young woman named Cathy. Of course they met in the only spot Logan resides, the bar.

Things started off as a casual fling between the two of them, then eventually they decided to get serious. That had happened about half a year ago.

Logan was currently at a new bar, one Cathy had suggested since it had always been spoken of in a positive manner. The same bar you had just clocked in for your shift two hours ago.

You had been dealing out various drinks, many to the regulars you grown to know and appreciate the small amounts of thanks you received on a basis. However, you dealt with the rowdy new comers, mainly men in college or early 20's. Hitting on you in verbally vulgar forms at that. But you don't blame them. You were only mid 20's, and considered very pretty by everyone. Your body? Your body could have been turned into an Aphrodite rendition statue. Soft, curves in every right spot, never able to hide from the hungry eyes of men.

You had just finished giving the beer you poured for the gentleman that had just walked up to the bar. A gruff thanks from the man as he dropped a dollar into your tip jar. You rested your hands on your hips, staring down at the counter in slight disgust. Two hours in, and the counter is already dirty. That's always been your personal sign saying that it's going to be a long night for you. You look to your left for the towel resting within the towel holder, bolted into the side of the counter.

You felt the blood drain instantly from your face. No warmth to be found in your cheeks. Him. It's him. After three years, Logan is in the bar you're working at. How horribly convenient. Next to him is what you presume is some new fling of his. You look away quickly, eyes down and glued to the counter and you wipe feverishly.

"Why? Why did he have to come here out of all the bars in this stupid city?" you thought to yourself. Noticing your hands were shaking enough to be seen by an innocent bystander, you knew a panic attack was creeping up the back of your neck. You set the towel down and let your coworker know that a break was needed right this very moment.

You grab the jean jacket you had worn into your shift, since it was early fall, and it's not cold enough for anything heavier. You pull the hair tie from your hair, long healthy hair cascading down your back as you quickly made your way to the back door. Gasping in the cold air, you fish out a pack of cigarettes from your pocket, along with the lighter. You take one more gulp of the bitter fall air, in attempts to calm down before resting the cigarette between your lips. A bad habit you picked up after the divorce, damn Logan.

The wind however, denied you this small relief. The flame being flushed out before it could even flash orange. You stand there, flicking the lighter over and over, cursing at the lighter for not doing you any favors.

Logan did see you. Seen how the blood drained from your face, resembling a ghost. His eyes had widen as he watched you exit the building hurriedly. He hadn't expected you to be here, especially as the current bartender. He didn't know what to feel. Logan hasn't seen you in years, so seeing you now brought back a variety of different emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness, to say the least.

As you continued to struggle to light your cigarette, Logan decides to approach you, against his better judgement. He slowly approached you from the back door of the bar, stopping about a yard from you.

"Need a light?" He asked.

You freeze up immediately, taking your attention away from the lighter. You don't bother looking in his direction, afraid to see Logan's face again. The memories. His sudden departure from your life, at his wishes.

The sigh that came from your mouth reeked of frustration, bristling at the idea of having to actually speak to him. However, you know he always has light on him, and the itch in the back of your throats slowly becomes a scream for the cigarette.

" Damn wind keeps knocking the flame out...... Yeah it would be appreciated." You say as you move the chunk of loose hair from your vision, tucking it away behind your ear.

Logan walked forward, taking the lighter gently from your hand and lighting the cigarette. He hands it back to you. Looking at you closely, he noticed quite a few different things. The way you tucked your hair and the subtle shake n your hands when you moved it. He wasn't sure if it was just a little cold or something else. He decided to just ignore those thoughts for the meantime.

"You started working here?"

He asked, his voice steady but quieter than before. He was trying to keep his tone as casual as possible. You stare at your feet, pulling out a long drag from the cigarette. Your head leans back, meeting softly with the brick foundation of the bar. Closing your eyes, you let out the deathly haze of smoke, enjoying the burning in the base of your throat.

"yeah, I did. About two months ago, it's my second job, still working at the clinic outside of town." You say with a tone annoyance creeping up, not wanting to be anywhere but here in this very moment.

Logan's eyebrows raised in mild surprise when you mention that you were working another job. Though he wasn't that shocked by it, you had always been the type to work too hard. Even back when the two of you were together. He shoved his hands in his pockets, his voice a bit gruff as he said, " Damn, you're still working at the medical clinic? Didn't you take on enough hours between the X-Men and the clinic? You need to slow down a bit. Why you working at this shithole?"

You sigh, pulling the jean jacket as close as possible to you. Wind now nipping at your skin through the jacket. You take another drag from the cigarette before toying with the ends of your hair, still in refusal of of making eye contact with Logan.

" Well when you wanted the divorcee, working so much that way it kept me out of the mansion was a much better option than sitting there receiving pity from Scott and the others, all because I the girl the infamous Logan Howlett decided to discard from his life." You say pointedly, lacing with annoyance.

Logan's jaw clenched when you brought up the divorce. His heart sunk slightly and his hand balled up into fists inside of his pockets at the memory. He kept his expression as stoic as possible, refusing to look emotional in front of you. "You need to get over that." He said in a monotone way, voice quiet but harsh regardless.

Damn. I really hurt her that much, he thought to himself. Though he shouldn't feel sympathy for you, it still hurt that you seemed to be suffering from the way he ended things.

You stop playing with your hair, and look him straight on. Locking eyes with him, you point your fingers holding the cigarette at him. Biting back the bile rising up in your throat, you rudely say "YOU DO NOT get to tell me when and why I need to get over this Logan. You of all people know what abandonment from the ones you love feels like. You still haven't gotten over it, so you have zero room to tell a person to simply get over something." You angrily take the last drag from your cigarette before tossing it to the ground and stomping it. You look back up at him, fire and pain swirling angrily within your eyes " Go fuck yourself Logan." and begin to walk away.

Logan stares right back at you. his expression darkens at your words. Your comment hits him like a stab in the stomach, and it pisses him off but he bites his tongue hard to prevent himself from saying something more. Seeing you crush the cigarette on the ground and begin to walk away, something in him snaps. Maybe it's because seeing you again has brought back so many memories. Perhaps it's guilt, anger, bitterness. Whatever it is, he reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can turn away completely.

You recoil at the touch of Logan's hand around your wrist. Anger seeping out of every pore of your body. "Let go" You say quietly, trying to tug your wrist free from his grasp. You hang your head back, looking away from Logan's face, avoiding any more anger to come out.

Logan tightens his grip on your wrist when you attempt to tug it free from him. He looks down at you, his stare almost burning through your skin. His eyes narrowed as he says, his tone as serious as possible, " No. I'm not going to let you walk away. Not this time."

His voice isn't harsh like it was before. It's steady and more firm, as if he's demanding you listen to him. " Yeah? Let me walk away?" you say with a bitter laugh. " YOU WALKED AWAY!" You raise your voice, letting the wall holding back your anger come down. " You walked away Logan. Not me. I cried for months after you decided you were bored of me. I hope you're so in love with that trailer trash excuse of a woman sitting the bar." You say before spitting in his face. You tug your wrist free from Logan's death grip, and walk away.

Logan stood there and took it. Everything you said and when you spat in his face. If it had been anyone else, it would've ended differently. But instead of reacting defensively or even violently at your action, he stood there and took it, wiping the spit off his forehead. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just watching your back as you stormed off, before he finally spoke.

"We both know I was never in love with you."

You stopped dead in your tracks. The sentence bouncing through your head like someone had just taken a hammer to it. You slowly bent over to grab the rock that sat innocently next to your foot. You stood up, debating if this was a good idea. But in this moment, you didn't care anymore. You turned and threw the rock at Logan in one fluid movement.

"HOW DARE YOU! Never loved you? We were planning on trying for a baby after we lost the first. You can't handle someone that plans to stick around forever. You were scared and still are. Collecting god knows how many women to bring home at night. Leave me the fuck alone Logan because I swear to god if you say anything else, I will get in my car and run you over and over until I can finally be the one to kill the fucking Wolverine." You say before walking back into the car. Tears streaming down your cheeks, you let your manager know that you had to leave right this moment. You snatched your keys up and walked out the front door to your car.

Logan just stood in silence as you unloaded on him with such anger and resentment. Every harsh word that was thrown his way made his heart sink in his chest. He felt guilty deep down for what he had done to you, but at the same time, he didn't think you had the right to react this way. The rock you threw hit him square in the chest, not that he cared enough to react to it. Logan was left alone out in the cold now, watching retreat back into the bar; before coming back out momentarily. He watched silently as you made your way over to your car.

You reach the car door, sniffling and sobbing at this point. You finally get into the car and flick the visor down. Staring back at you was a tear stained version of you within the mirror. Along with the picture of you and Logan. When we were happy, or so you thought. You screamed angrily and slammed your hand against the steering wheel, snatching the picture from its spot and fishing out the lighter from your jacket. You were burning that picture in the car, even if it meant you got burned or worse.

Logan just watched you retreat to your car, still reeling from your words. He was about to walk away and get his bike when he heard the scream. Logan's head snapped in the direction of your car. He quickly scanned you, seeing the picture and lighter in hand. His eyes widened at the sight and immediately knew what you were about to do with it. He didn't think, just acted out of instinct. He started running over to your car as quickly as he could without just straight up using his powers.

You flicked the lighter, releasing the orange hued fire from it. Watching it dance in the wind of your ragged breaths, you bring it slowly to the corner where Logan's smiling face had been. The flame quickly licked at the worn out photo, you stare at it and rub your tears from your face. Logan didn't slow down for a second as he tried to get to you on time. He cursed to himself as he realized he probably wouldn't make it in time.

He couldn't even speak, as he had no idea what he'd say to you. He just needed to stop you from burning that picture for some reason the couldn't explain. As the flame eats away the memory of Logan's face and body, you watch the photo brown before blackening into ash. "Men. They take and take and take. Then leave you and break your heart. That's all they're good for I suppose." You say to yourself while holding the half burnt picture.

Logan was only a couple yards away, but he stopped for a moment when he heard you speak. He looked at the picture in your hand, the image of him being burned away. His face and body no longer visible, only ash remaining. He didn't know why seeing you burn the picture pissed him off, but it did. He closed the gap between the two of you, finally reaching your car. He banged on the window angrily, yelling your name to get your attention.

The banging on your window snapped you out of your trance from the dancing flame. Logan. Of course he can't take a hint to leave you alone. You stare him straight in the eyes, Holding up what's left of the burning photo for him to see. Knowing he will only hear muffled words you still speak " I have had this since the day it was taken. You made it clear, crystal clear Logan. The last part of you is right here and I'm getting rid of it and moving far away."

Logan couldn't help the slight wince he gave when you held up the burning photo. His jaw clenched as he watched the last of it burn to ash, right in front of him. He knew it was already too late to try and salvage it. He didn't want to admit it, but seeing the picture destroyed pissed him off more than he thought. He just couldn't understand why it bothered him so bad. He slammed his fist against the car window again. " Get out of the god damn car and talk to me."

You continue your gaze, staring into the nonexistent soul Logan had. You wipe your hands clean from the ash, letting it sit in your lap. "You can let me leave willingly and go crawl back to trailer trash Cathy. I'm going home so I can pack my belongings ad return to my mother's on the other side of the country.

Logan clenched his fist at your words, his practically cracking from how hard he was clenching. Hearing those words you said just now sent a wave of anger through his body. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to control himself enough so wouldn't do something he'd regret. He knocked on the window again, more irritated this time. "Y/N. Open the god damn door and get out of the car."

You shook your head and laughed in a vindictive manner. " No Logan. I don't think I will. Because what little bit of hope and love that I had for you, you crushed right out of me not even ten minutes ago. I don't care what you want. I don't care about you. I hope that adamantium skeleton crushes you from the inside out." You finish, before turning the key over and pulling the shifter into drive.

Logan's eyes flared anger at your comment. He didn't understand why you were acting like such a brat right now, but it just pissed him off even more. Hearing your last comment actually hurt, but he wasn't going to let you know that. He slammed his hand against the car window, creating a small crack in it. He couldn't stand that you were driving off without him able to say something. He was desperate to get you to listen to him.

You watch Logan's figure grow smaller as you pull out of the parking lot. You grab your phone from the cup holder, dialing your mom's number. She answers and you cry again, explaining the events that just took place, telling her that you needed to move back home. You reach your apartment complex after half an hour, unlocking the door and heading straight for your bed.

Logan stood in the parking lot, breathing heavily and angrily. He watched as your car disappeared from view, still unable to do anything. He wanted to follow you, but he had no idea where you lived anymore. He knew that he could easily track you down, but stopped himself from doing so. Thinking about your last comment kept replaying in his mind as he and Cathy got on the bike. A small part of him felt guilty for hurting you, but he shoved it down. Logan decided going home with Cathy was the only thing he could do to distract himself.

You lay in bed, sobbing with pure anger coursing through your veins. You needed something to do before you ended up hurting yourself or someone else. You stand up and head over to your closet, rummaging in the back. You pull out a box from the very back of the closet marked "Logan." You hoisted it up to stomach level before bringing it over to the bed. You sit down and open the box up, meeting the smiling Logan picture you had taken with the polaroid camera that he had bought you for your birthday one year. "why..." you said softly, allowing more tears to fall.

Meanwhile, Logan was in his hotel room, tossing and turning in bed. He couldn't sleep, even after spending hours trying to distract himself by drinking and sleeping with Cathy. No matter what he tried, something in his head kept nagging at him to get up and seek you out. Logan felt even about everything after sleeping with Cathy. He let out a frustrate groan at his own inner thoughts. He just didn't understand why he was so bothered by what you had said, especially the last part.

You carefully pull out every picture, every little ticket stub, anything involving Logan, out of the box. You throw your hair up into a sad excuse of a bun, staring at everything with a deeper newfound hurt within your heart. "How could he say we were never in love? When everything right here says otherwise....Right?" You say out loud to yourself, in disbelief that Logan would even dare to make a comment like that. "Or was it all just something to pass the time for him?"

Logan had gone back to bed a half hour after walking around the hotel room. He sat up in bed, leaning his back against the headboard. He was staring into nothing but empty darkness, thinking about tonight's interactions. The same words kept running through his head like they were on a loop.

"Never loved you..."

"Never loved you..."

"Never loved you..."

He clenched his jaw again, hearing those words replay over and over, driving him damn near insane. He ran a calloused hand over his face, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Drinking vodka straight from the bottle, you curse Logan's existence. Alcohol was not something you lived off of, like him. Well, at least until the divorce. It was the only common factor in your life, and it helped you sleep at night. Without it, you spent the entire night, tossing and turning. Seeing and dreaming of nothing but Logan's face. Men were never on the table for self discussion after Logan. He was the most perfect man in your eyes. Sure, he had his long list of issues, as did you. But somehow, two broken people, made one whole. So why would you even try to find that again? Just to have a paper trail of heartbreak after heartbreak? No thanks, you'll stick to vodka and lonely nights in this run down shit excuse of an apartment, right outside of the busiest part of the city.

You had discarded the idea of looking through the box anymore, planning to throw it away in the morning when you began packing. Vodka and the hottest bath on Earth would be the temporary solution to a permanent problem, you thought to yourself. After running the bath, you sank down into the scolding heat of the bath. Far enough down that it tickled right underneath your nose. The thought of going under and never coming back up for air was beginning to form easily in the back of your mind with nearly an entire bottle of vodka in your system.

Over at his hotel, Logan couldn't take sitting there anymore. He was jut thinking and thinking about you and everything you had said to him. He finally got out of the bed, careful enough to avoid waking Cathy. He made his way into the bathroom, splashing water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. He had dark circles under his eyes and his facial hair was scruffed around in a disgusting way. He splashed more water on his face, trying to get it together and stop the intrusive thoughts that were quickly taking over his mind.

Back at your apartment, you continue dancing around the idea of never having to carry the pain anymore. Taking one large gulp of air, you plunge the rest of your head underwater. Lungs screaming out and burning for air, feeling almost too good for you in this very moment. The thoughts of Logan and the events that took place today swirling through a dangerous storm within your head. The mourning of your miscarriage sending you completely over the edge. You resurface as fast as you had gone down. Gasping for air that you lungs so desperately needed, before dragging yourself out of the tub. You wrap yourself up in a towel before staring at yourself in the cracked mirror. "Alone, broken, miserable, fucking Jesus.. I can't fucking do this any more" you thought to yourself, feeling the vodka getting the best of you. You yell at yourself in anger before punching out the mirror. The start of everything down hill. Anything that could be picked up, was thrown. Anything you could think of, broken or damaged severely. The tears had come flowing again, all the while, cursing Logan's existence and the fact that he came and left so quickly from your life with no remorse.

Logan was in the middle of brushing his teeth, a desperate attempt to make himself appear more presentable than he had since you drove off earlier that night. His head suddenly jarred from the pain that came about. It was a pain that almost hit him like a truck. He dropped the toothbrush out of his mouth, gripping the counter hard enough to hear the porcelain crack beneath his grip in attempts to keep himself standing upright. He grunted quietly, the pain quickly increasing and only getting worse by the minute. In a small moment of clarity, he knew something was wrong. Just by a gut feeling..

You continue throwing things within the four tiny walls that made up your bathroom. Ignoring the raging headache and the blood trickling down your hand from the piece of mirror you had grabbed to throw. You no longer have anything to throw, everything unsalvageable. Leaning against the wall and sliding down it until your bottom hit the cold tiling of the floor. You're still warm from the alcohol, but knowing that you're more than likely freezing from the soaked bath towel still clinging to your skin. You look down at your hand, to inspect the cut you had self inflicted. Clean, precise almost. Something simply superficial that you can mend when you're sober. The last thing you need tonight is explaining to a doctor "Oh yeah, this? I threw a temper tantrum because I ran into my ex and accidentally cut my hand during said temper tantrum with a broke piece of my bathroom mirror."

Logan was starting to get a feeling of intense anxiety and dread, almost as if someone was in danger. He closed his eyes, focusing on it for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly, a realization hit him.

You.

He was feeling something from you. That's the source of the headache he got and he just knew it. He gripped the counter harder, knuckles white before the porcelain shattered beneath the intensity of his grip. Logan didn't know what was going on, but he was starting to panic.

You finally get up from the floor of the bathroom, You stare at the shattered bottle that once held your sweet ticket to sleep. You carefully walk around the debris and out of the bathroom, making your way into the kitchen to the special cupboard. The cupboard that held your ability to sleep and function at home. You opened the door, nothing. Empty as you felt all night. " Great, a fucking alcoholic, just like my ex-husband." you mutter to yourself as you slam the cupboard shut. You definitely were beginning to feel the pain in your hand, a sign that you were not sleeping tonight if you didn't go out and pick up more vodka. You trudged to your bedroom, peeling the towel from your body. You threw on some underwear and a bra, before rummaging through your drawers. You pause, momentarily before grabbing a battered pair of sweatpants. Logan's sweatpants you had managed to steal from him before he left forever. You slid them on and threw a white long sleeve on. You grabbed your jacket once you walked to the living room, slipping it while sliding your shoes on. You lock your apartment door, exiting the building and beginning your sad excuse of an adventure to the nearest liquor store that was 24 hours.

Logan was practically pacing around the room, the headache and anxiety only getting worse. It also felt like he was having a feeling of deja vu. He let out a frustrated curse, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere like this. Whatever was going on with you felt...familiar. And that realization was only making him panic more. Logan mumbled a few words, laced with curses, while throwing his leather jacket and boots on. Stalking out of the room, heading to his motorcycle. He needed to find you and fast before something bad happened...

Stumbling down the sidewalk, constantly brushing the hairs that had escaped from your bun, you tripped an fell. " Fuck....." you exclaim to yourself as you used your wounded hand as a brace for impact. You get up slowly, pain surging through your hands and knees from the fall. The walk to the store becoming much slower.

Logan had finally gotten on his bike, revving the engine and starting it. He took off down the road, heading in the direction he figured would lead him to you. He knew it was a bit of a shot in the dark, but he had a gut feeling and he couldn't shake it. He could start to get a slightly better idea of where you were on the other side, though it wasn't quite strong enough to pinpoint exactly where you were at. Logan was just going to have to drive around until he found you unfortunately.

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I'm so sorry for the drop of guys :(((( But I will hopefully have part two up by tomorrow evening! Again, I really hope you enjoyed!

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Yandere Shiva family, Buddha, Apollo, and Loki house in love with their married best friends goddess. But here is the gist, the darling is getting fed up with her husband but she hides it well, even from them. But however, it would seem as though during the holidays cracks are beginning to show because the darling is about to hit the wall. Because sweetheart is just tired of unreciprocated and underappreciated Labor that comes with marriage or just a relationship in general.

Forgetting important events, fragilent promises that hardly get fulfilled ( Ex: was asked numerous times to plan her birthday and promised he would. Darling had to cancel her invite list since he fell through on his promise. ), being emotionally and mentally detached to her health concerns ( Ex: that being her overall well-being and infertility issues ), being pissed off when you aren't informed of things when you likely don't care about it( Ex: darling had to get an emergency abortion because of how dangerous the pregnancy she had at the time was, and it emotionally and physically drained her majorly. And yes the Yandere was there for both the procedure and when her husband blew up at her ), being even more pissy when your needs aren't met but can't even do the barest of bare minimum ( Ex: was asked to go get her meds; she still healing btw, he didn't get them. But later on he did ask if they can have sex, mind you darling isn't well enough to do that and you didn't even get her medicine. The darling obviously refused and gave him the reasons, and yet says " Well, your mouth still works right. ". This sparks an argument and yes the yanderes are present for this too. ), and just many more reasons ( and even more examples... ) as to why she's over it but those are the most recent.

By the holidays she has been ran thin too the last thread, and this is secretly her husbands last chance to redeem himself and revive the magic in their marriage. But like may things he fell through just as the darling is fell into the wall too. The darling swiftly and secretly makes a quick trip to Hera, get divorce papers from and blessing from her to proceed further, and neatly wraps them up as a lovely gift for her soon to be ex. So you can imagine the surprising ( or really unsurprising.. ) ' gift ' he got at Jesus's birthday party ( he's another friend of hers but not as close as the yanderes ). So what are the the Yanderes going to do on this unFORTUNATE turn of events, how are they going to react.

P.S the darling is the Goddess of Festivities, craft, home, beauty, and magic.

I’ll be doing all of this except for the miscarriage part- that’s too sad, but I will have something to make up for that part.

-You couldn’t help but smile as your husband was holding the present from you on his lap, it looked perfect, with beautiful wrapping paper and bows, it looked like something you would see in a magazine!

-It was a Christmas party you were having with all your friends, including (Love), who your husband didn’t like because he could see how (Love) looked at you, wanting you for his own, but you were a loyal person, you wouldn’t cheat, unlike him.

-Your husband had changed over the years you had been married to him, going from a sweet and kind man to someone that nobody in their right mind would marry- he cheated on you several times, gaslit you into forgiving him, and was an absolute pig to you! Not to mention he never remembered your anniversary or your birthday, but he expected to be treated like a king on his birthday and if he didn’t get that he would pout and lament at having such a heartless wife when you did everything for him.

-It wasn’t fair that such a wonderful person like you was being treated so poorly!

-(Love) knew this well, after you had been rushed to the hospital after one of your ovaries ruptured, your husband had ignored your cries for help, telling you that you were being too noisy, and (Love) rushed to your side when you called him for help.

-While you were in the hospital your husband came, demanding to know when you were coming home to cook and clean for him, as it was your job as his wife to take care of him, while you were still recovering from surgery.

-When you were finally home, despite being on strict bed rest orders, including no sexy time, your husband just whined and complained, saying you were being so selfish for not giving him what he wanted.

-You had friends over, including (Love) who were helping around the house while you were still healing, something you were grateful for, but your husband just complained, saying you were going to get lazy and was complaining that you weren’t doing your wifely duties in pleasuring him.

-You had snapped at him, surprising him, “One of my ovaries just popped, it’s like one of your balls popping- would you want to have sex while you’re in pain?” (Love) had been surprised by your anger, but your husband dug himself even deeper, “Well you have a mouth, don’t you?”

-(Love) enjoyed punching your husband that day, putting him in his place while screaming at him for treating you in such a way and for a while your husband did treat you better, afraid of (Love’s) wrath.

-When you were finally recovered and found him in bed with yet another nymph, you decided enough was enough and you went to Hera, telling her what happened, begging for her help with getting a divorce.

-Hera knew of what happened from (Love) who had been so furious about your husband’s actions that she had your divorce ready in minutes.

-However, you didn’t give it to your husband right away, you wanted to embarrass him like how he embarrassed you and you laid your plan in motion, gift wrapping the divorce papers.

-Now it was finally the day, and you could barely contain your excitement as your husband was admiring the lovely gift as you beamed, “That’s from me- I worked really hard on it!”

-(Love) was heartbroken, seeing you doing so much for someone who doesn’t cherish you as your husband looked smug, trying to rub it in the faces of everyone, especially (Love), “That’s my Y/N- always treating her husband how she should!”

-He opened the gift in front of everyone and instead of seeing a wonderful gift, his face fell as he picked up the divorce papers, which were already processed and signed by Hera.

-He looked over at you and you beamed brightly, standing up with your hands on your hips, “That’s right- I’m no longer your wife- you selfish, arrogant, stuck-up, pathetic excuse of a man! Merry Christmas! Enjoy your divorce papers!”

-Jaws dropped all around, eyes wide as they all realized what you did, but instead of feeling embarrassed of seeing something like this, your friends all immediately cheered, embarrassing your ex-husband even more as they all congratulated you for dropping a loser like him.

-You felt proud and happy, but also still a bit nervous as he looked up at you, trying to get your pity, “Y/N why are you doing this? How could you be so cruel?!”

-Your eyes were sharp and cold, “I’m cruel? You never remember my birthday, you ignore my concerns, you ignored me when I was in the hospital then embarrassed me in front of my friends, you never help out, you constantly cheat on me then act like it was my fault that you cheated- plus you’re a pig and you can’t take care of yourself! So why do you think I’m doing this?!”

-(Love) was on cloud nine, about ready to swoop in to snatch you away to love you until the end of eternity when your ex shot up, going to threaten you again when a new voice spoke up, “Sit down.” He turned, going to yell only to meet the sharp eyes of Hera who immediately had him melting into his seat, terrified of her.

-Hera turned to you, her icy façade melting as she beamed at you, “Congratulations on your divorce Y/N!” you thanked her warmly as she turned back to your ex, threatening him to never go near you again.

-(Love) quickly slid up to you, beaming brightly, “Are you okay Y/N? Do you need anything?” you saw that he looked elated, and you couldn’t help but smile, taking his arm in yours, “Yes actually- I am in need of a date to the Christmas ball tonight. I wonder who I should take?”

-(Love) grinned down at you, hearing your tease as you and your friends all left your ex’s house, as you had already moved out without your ex realizing, mainly because he wasn’t paying attention as (Love) escorted you to your temporary home, as he was going to wife you yesterday, but he needed to be patient, at least until the end of the party to ask you, he was hoping that you will say yes!

-Your ex was left on the couch, alone, completely stunned that he had lost you- it was all his fault for the way he treated you- he was to blame as he cried bitterly into his hands. He had to win you back!

-It was going to be impossible however, seeing as (Love) wasn’t going to let him ever approach you again, he was never going to hurt you again, (Love) made this silent promise to you.