#Tommy Miller x fem. reader

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Mistakes

Summary: You were tired of men making decisions for you. Even though they had your best interest at heart, all they ended up doing was breaking your heart more and more. After reuniting Joel with his brother Tommy (your Ex who left the QZ without telling anyone including you) in a town called Jackson and an overdue argument with Joel Miller you finally confess your feelings for him, spending the night with the older brother, only to wake up alone in an empty house with him and Ellie gone.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader (former Tommy Miller x fem. reader)

Wordcount: 6.4k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, pining, feelings, Joel Miller not being good at those feelings, past heartbreak, current heartbreak, mentioned of miscarriage, more angst, also some smut (unprotected sex), kissing, mentions of violence, stitches, blood

A/N: this summary sucks but I have no idea how to make it better. Let’s hope the fics doesn’t suck like it lmao

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It was like entering the twilight zone when the gates opened.

People were wandering the streets with smiles on their faces. You could hear children's laughter. Some people stopped and nodded towards you as you passed by them on the horse the people who had found you had put you on. 

Your gaze always slipped back to Ellie and Joel in front of you. Watching them closely. 

The woman who had talked to Joel, Maria, had not given you much more information other than to follow them after she learned Joel’s name and that he was looking for his brother Tommy. 

But you had seen in her face that she recognised the name. 

If you were honest with yourself you never believed you would really find him. Tommy. 

It had been such a long time since Joel had heard from him last and the only reason you agreed to join him in his search for Tommy was because you were scared of losing the last connection you had to your previous life. 

Tommy, Joel and you grew up together. 

When you thought of them you thought of summers at the Miller’s pool. Of thirteen year old Joel trying to teach five year old you how to swim while six year old Tommy kept trying to pull you under the water. 

The little shit. 

Of course as you turned older your interests changed, yet you all still managed to spend at least a week of the summer break together out for mischief. 

And then it all changed when Tommy Miller kissed you. 

It was after Joel left for College and if you were honest with yourself you had been crushing on him for a while at that point. 

You and Tommy had been together for two years before you found him kissing another girl. 

God, you had been so heartbroken back then. 

He had been your first real boyfriend and a tiny part of you thought he'd be the man you would marry and have kids with. Sixteen year old you had her life planned out to the dot. 

It had taken years for you to accept him as a friend again. 

Joel and you had become closer in the meantime. He’d told you all about his plans to open his own business and that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend. 

You were also the first person he told when he learned that he’d become a father. 

He had been scared but so happy. 

And you knew from the moment you saw him hold Sarah for the first time, that he would move heaven and earth for his little girl. Nothing would stay in his way. Not when his girlfriend left him with a toddler, not when both of his parents died, leaving him to deal with everything on his own. 

Sarah was his whole world. 

Until the world ended. 

The years after that were dark and painful. That was the excuse you used, that you needed to feel something different for at least a little moment, when you started to sleep with Tommy again. 

Which went on for years even after you made it to the QZ.

Until he left without a word. 

Leaving you and his brother again to pick up the pieces. 

“Tommy!” you heard Joel shout and your eyes followed his gaze, his horse stopping as he jumped off. 

He looked different. Older than you remembered him. But there walking down the steps was indeed Tommy Miller. 

Joel had found him. 

His eyes found yours as he hugged his brother, whispering your name in disbelief. 

For a moment, a small moment you were beyond relieved to find him alive and well. Anger replaced that feeling pretty quickly. He was alive and well and in a fucking functioning town without ever sending a fucking message?

You had stopped counting how often you had been almost killed on this mission to find him because Joel and you thought something had happened to him and he needed saving. 

You closed your eyes, swallowing your anger, finding Ellie watching you when your eyes opened again. 

“Let’s have something to eat,” Maria said next to you and you gave her a sharp nod, leaving the Miller brothers behind. 

You hated the fact that you cried when you were angry. 

Tears were streaming down your face as you showered under the warmest fucking water you had felt in years, scrubbing your body furiously. 

The nerve he had. 

Not only was he perfectly fine, no he was married and about to be a father. 

You didn’t like the way his wife Maria kept glaring at Joel not trying to be sneaky about it. 

You could only imagine what he had told her.

He used to blame Joel for what you all had done after the outbreak on your way to the Boston QZ. You had always argued about it in the privacy of the shitty apartment you shared back in the QZ. Because Tommy was a fully grown man when he killed those people. He could have stopped and left. But it was easier to blame someone else for the decisions he was too scared or cowardly to make. 

You could only hope that you’d be out of here first thing in the morning before you’d explode. 

Of course life had other plans. 

You walked into the house across the street just as Maria tried to warn Ellie about Joel. 

“But there are clearly things you don't know about Joel,” you heard Maria say. You stopped outside the window to listen.

“Oh, like how he used to kill people? I know about that,” Ellie said.  

“So then you understand my concern.”

“He doesn't do that anymore,” Ellie defended him. 

“He stopped killing people?” Maria asked and you rolled your eyes. 

“Innocent ones. And Tommy did it, too. Are you worried about him?” 

You chose that moment to walk into the house, finding Ellie sitting in the kitchen, Maria cutting her hair. 

“Tommy was following Joel. The way you are now,” Maria said looking at you. 

“No offence but you have no idea what you are talking about,” you said and she raised her eyebrow. 

“I think I do,” she said, putting the scissors down. 

“Yeah? You are comparing a fourteen year old girl to a fully grown man who had all the time in the world to step away and stop what we did back then. But he didn’t. He never stops. He’s a fucking…” you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath. 

“He told me about you. About how he regrets leaving without a word,” Maria said. 

You scoffed. 

“Sure he does. He always regrets doing things after he did them. That’s why he never sent word that he’s alive.”

“That’s my fault. And he didn’t know that you’d be coming to look for him,” she said.

“That’s what family does. We look out for each other. But maybe we’re not family anymore. Come on Ellie,” you said and she got up from the chair immediately, walking towards you. 

“Stop,” Maria said and you sighed. 

“I’ll take her to the movies and you…. I think you, Joel and Tommy need to talk.”

“You’re angry,” Joel looked up at you as you sat down next to him. He was trying to fix his boots. 

“I thought I wasn’t anymore but…. Fuck look around this place? I’m just so… Fuck I really want to punch him,” you groaned and Joel chuckled. 

“I know the feelin’,” he sighed. 

You let your head fall against his shoulder, closing your eyes. 

You felt his lips on your temple. 

„You gonna tell him?“ He whispered. Your opened your eyes, shaking your head. 

„Don’t think he would care,“ you mumbled. 

„I think you would be surprised,“ he said quietly.

You both sat there in silence for a moment. 

„I’m weak,“ Joel said after a moment. You sat yourself up, your head turning to look at him. 

„What do you mean?“ 

He sighed, not looking up at you as he focused on fixing his shoes. 

„Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and... my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night,“ he said quietly. 

You carefully put your hand on his shoulder.

„What kinda dreams?“

„I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up... I've lost somethin’,“ you saw the tears in his eyes. You knew something had changed in the last weeks. He was more quiet, staring of in the distance when he thought you weren’t looking. 

„I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail her again and again. I fail you again and again. I see you die ever single night in my dreams and I…“ you put your arms around his shoulders, tears running down your cheeks. 

„I can’t protect you anymore,“ he whispered and you tensed.

„I’m gonna… I’m gonna ask Tommy to take her. I’m just gonna get her killed. Both of you. I know it. I have to leave…“ you did not give him a chance to continue, jumping up from your position. 

„You gonna ask Tommy to take her? What about me? You gonna just…. Let him take me too? Because you know I won’t leave her. We’re all she has Joel,“ you said, your voice getting louder. 

„You could stay here. It’s safe. You would be safe…“ he said but you shook your head. 

„Stay here with Tommy? Super happy Tommy who finally got the right woman pregnant?“ You yelled. 

He said your name, pleading but you shook your head. 

„You know, I should have seen this coming. I knew I would end up alone. First him, now you… I really thought that you felt…“ you shook your head, „How silly of me to think it would be different with you…“ you laughed bitterly, stubbornly brushing the tears away. 

You took a deep breath. 

„One day you are gonna wake up and realise that the only reason why you feel so alone, is because you pushed everyone away. Because you think you don’t deserve to be cared for. Tommy, Ellie…. Me….,“ you shook your head before you looked at him. 

„Don’t bother asking Tommy. I’m gonna leave with her first thing in the morning. You’ll never gonna see either of us again,“ you said before you turned around, ignoring him calling after you, hoping you’d made it back to the house before you broke down. 

You hadn’t even crossed the street when you heard your name being called, Tommy’s familiar voice startling you. 

You just walked faster, not bothering to stop. 

„Please just…“ you felt his hand on your shoulder and you whirled around, glaring up at the man you once loved so much. 

„Leave me alone,“ you gritted through your clenched teeth, before turning away from him. 

„It’s what you Miller’s do best,“ you called over your shoulder before you made your way back to the house. 

You laid awake in bed when you heard the door open. 

You had told Ellie in the most gentle way that it would only be you who would take her to the fireflies. Of course she had questions, and you promised her to answer every single one once you were on the road. 

She had fallen asleep rather quickly before you made your way to the biggest bedroom. You just laid down on the bed, fully clothed staring at the ceiling as the hours passed by. 

You were broken, you had been for a long time. 

The only thing you could always count on to keep you going was Joel. 

He was your rock and part of you always thought you were his. Even when he was with Tess or any other women. At the end of the day, once he needed someone to talk, to really talk to, he always came to you. 

He held you when you found out you were pregnant after Tommy left. 

He was there when you woke up in pain, he was there when you found out you lost the baby.

He was always there. 

And along the way you fell in love with him. 

You turned your head to look at Joel who was standing in the door just looking at you. 

It was like there was something in the air all of the sudden, the hairs on your neck standing up as his eyes moved over your body, his gaze lingering on your lips. 

„I’m sorry,“ he said quietly, slowly walking towards you. 

When you didn’t say anything as he stopped in front of the bed he slowly sat down, reaching for one of your hands. You were too tired to fight him.  

„You were right,“ he started, his thumb running over the back of your hand, his head turned down. 

„I keep pushing you away because I’m so fucking scared to lose someone else I…,“ he shook his head. 

„I care about. I care about you so much, it scares me. It would kill me if something happened to you, because I was to weak to protect you. And I… I can’t lose you. I just can’t. I wanna keep you safe and….“

„Joel….“ You interrupted him and he looked at you as you slowly sat yourself up so you were kneeling on the bed next to him. You reached the hand he was not holding up, your fingers brushing over his cheek, his eyes closing slowly as he released a shuddering breath. 

Your hand lingered on his skin, your fingertips rubbing over the corner of his lips and his eyes flipped open, finding yours. 

„You know I love you, right?“ You whispered and his eyes softened for a small moment, before he nodded. 

„Then please let me in and let me love you,“ you said before you leaned in and kissed him softly.

He tensed for a moment before one of his hands came to the back of your head, deepening the kiss, pulling you closer, his other hand on your back. 

„Joel,“ you gasped, your hands pulling at his shirt until he parted from you, taking his shirt off. You let your hands wander up your chest before you pulled your own shirt off, leaving you in just your old bra.

„Fucking beautiful,“ he whispered before he kissed you again, slowly leaning over you until you were laying in bed with him above you. 

Joel slowly kissed down your throat, your chest until he gave all his attention to your breasts. He sucked on your nipples through the thin worn fabric of your bra until you sat yourself up, almost making him fall off the bed, both of you laughing as you took it off, a groan leaving his mouth, one of his hands palming himself. You bit into your bottom lip before you got closer to him, your fingers opening his belt buckle, then his pants. 

He stopped you before you could get any further. 

„Let me make you feel good first,“ he whispered, kissing you forehead. 

„Later,“ you said, looking at him, something in his eyes darkening as he saw the lust in yours. 

Within seconds you both were naked and he just looked at you in awe as he knelt between your parted legs. 

His hands wandered up your thighs, his fingers running shivers over your whole body, your back arching. 

„Please Joel,“ you whispered, your hands coming to rest on his hips until he finally leaned down and kissed you, one of his hand wrapped around his cock as he swiped the head through your wet pussy, teasing your clit with it, making you moan.

He lined himself up, kissing you deeply as he slowly entered you inch by inch, both of you panting against each others mouths.

„Shiiiit, you feel perfect. Fucking perfect,“ he grunted before he began to move, thrusting slowly inside of you, his arms wrapped around your body, his lips all over you. 

No matter how close he was, you wanted him closer, your arms wrapped around his back, pulling him against you as he continued to fuck you deeply. 

He kissed away the tears that escaped your eyes, overwhelmed at finally being so close to him. Holding him. Feeling him. 

He made you cum twice before he pulled out and came with a groan of your name, his cum spilling all over your stomach. 

He cleaned you up after, holding you close, kissing you until you fell asleep. 

While he watched over you, praying to whatever god there still was, that you would forgive him. 

You didn’t stir when Joel left your bed after he watched you sleep until the room slowly filled with light at the upcoming sunrise. 

You didn’t feel it as he kissed your forehead before he slowly got up from the bed and got dressed, grabbing his bag. 

You didn’t hear his whispered „Forgive me“ as he stepped out of the room.

You were sleeping so deeply you didn’t even hear Eliie argue as Joel walked her out of the house.

Not looking back towards the house you were sleeping in. 

The first thing you noticed was that you were warm. You hadn’t felt warm in a long time. Smiling to yourself you slowly opened your eyes, frowning immediately as you noticed how bright it was outside. 

Your eyes found the old cock on the bedside table, widening as you noticed that it was already around noon. 

„Shit,“ you cursed, your head now turning to the other side of the bed where Joel had laid next to you only to find it empty. 

A uneasy feeling washed over you as you took the room in, finding it vacant of anything that belonged to Joel. 

Suddenly fully awake you jumped out of bed, dressing yourself within seconds before you walked out of the room and across the hallway opening the door to the room Ellie had been asleep in. 

Empty. 

Your breath came in short pants, your throat squeezing tight, the beginnings of a panic attack making their entrance as your hands started to shake. 

Shaking your head you tried to get your lungs to fill with air, your back leaning against the wall behind you. 

Tears were springing into your eyes.

He wouldn’t just leave you after last night. Right?

Not after he….

A knock on the door let you jump up, running down the stairs, opening the door to find the wrong Miller brother standing in front of it, his expression one you could read without words. 

„He’s gone, isn’t he?“ You whispered. 

Tommy only nodded. 

Taking a deep breath you looked up towards the ceiling, shaking your head slowly. 

„Talked to the council. You can stay here as long as you want. Gotta take up some work at some point but there’s no rush…“

You scoffed. 

„You must be really delusional if you think I am going to stay here,“ you said, looking at him. You were still angry, but more so tired. Tired of always being the second choice.

He said your name, almost pleading. 

„I’m sorry for not telling you before I left. I thought it was easier to just… rip the bandaid off. I knew you’d be okay. You’re one of the strongest people I ever met. And I… I just couldn’t stay there with Joel and….“

You wanted to tell him then. 

To tell him that he broke that strong person he thought you were. 

Finding out the day after he left that you were pregnant with his child, broke you. 

And you couldn’t tell him that to this day you blamed that the stress of him leaving made you lose the baby you never got to meet. 

It wouldn’t help anyone to tell him. 

„I am going to get my stuff and I want a horse and some supplies. Then I’ll be out of here. I can’t keep doing this…“ you said. 

„No, No please stay. I want to… I want to make this right between us. I promised Joel I…“ Tommy began, but you held a hand up, stopping him. 

„Maybe you and your brother should try talking to me before making all the decisions for me. A horse and some supplies. You owe me that much. After that I’ll make sure we never cross ways again,“ you didn’t wait for his reply, turning around and marching up the stairs to pack your stuff. 

An hour later you were settled on top of a horse called Diamond. Tommy had gotten you the supplies you asked for, even a first aid kid and walked next to you as the gate opened. 

„Where are you gonna go?“ He asked. 

„Away,“ you only answered, even though you had a clear destination in mind, before you took one last look at him. You saw his wife standing on the end of the street, watching you. 

As you looked back at Tommy you realised that you felt nothing for the man who was looking up at you now.

„I know you love him,“ he startled you. 

„Pretty sure he loves you too, so once you found him, don’t be too hard on him. We Miller’s a stubborn bunch of people who only want to protect the people we love. Even if it ends up hurting them even more,“ he said, keeping his eyes on you. 

„Take care of your wife,“ was all you said before you kicked your legs to ride out of Jackson. 

The town you found shelter in seemed abandoned enough to rest until this blizzard passed by. It should’t be more than a days ride to the university of the fireflies now, but you could not make it in this storm. So you bunked down in a abandoned house, the windows and doors already barricaded making sure Diamond, your horse, had something to drink and eat in the garage before you bunked down in the surprisingly tidy house next to it. 

You even found some food, including long expired peaches that brought a small smile to your face as you thought about how much Ellie would love them. 

It was on the next morning that you heard a noise outside. You made your way into the garage, finding Diamond getting nervous too.

You petted her nose before you slowly risked a glance outside of the broken window of the garage, your eyes widening when through the heavy snow falling outside, you could make Ellie out on top of a horse. 

You put your jacket on and opened the door, startling the girl who now had her riffle pointed at you. 

You held your hands up and her shoulders fell as she realised who you were, starting to sob. 

It was then that you noticed that the horse she was sitting on, was dragging something behind it, the air leaving your lungs one one gasp as you realised that it was Joel.

And he was not awake.

„How long?“ You asked Ellie, willing your fingers to warm up as you dug through your first aid kit. 

Ellie had helped you carry Joel inside. Now she was sitting on the little sofa, her tears still running down her cheek as she watched you. 

„Three hours ago? Maybe more? I don’t know. We… We were at the university and we…. We were almost out when that man….“

You were closer to the university than you thought then.

You were dying to walk over to her to soothe her, but Joel was your first priority. He looked very pale, his lips blue from the cold. With shaking fingers your unzipped his jacket, fighting down the whimper as you saw how much blood he was still loosing, your hand immediately pressing down to stop the bleeding.

Ellie had made a good job with the bandage she had put on his wound. 

He didn’t even stir. 

„It was a broken baseball bat. He… he pulled it out and he was okay at first but then he… he… he fell and now he’s not….“

„Ellie,“ you said and she looked at you with wide wet eyes. 

„You did the right thing. He shouldn’t have pulled it out but there’s nothing we can do about it now. I am… I am gonna try to fix him, okay?“ You said, nodding as if to make yourself believe that you could. 

She mirrored you.

„Can I help?“ Ellie asked. 

„There’s a bathroom upstairs. Get as many towels as possible and then get a bucket with snow from outside. Snow from the top. We need…. We need to clean him. But I don’t have… We….“ You took a deep breath, stopping your ramble.

„Towels and snow, got it,“ she said, throwing her backpack down before she made her way upstairs. 

You took a deep breath, sucking your bottom lip in. 

„Don’t you die on me Joel Miller, I still have to yell at you“ you whispered as you leaned down, to kiss his temple before you used the scissors of your first aid kit to cut his shirt open. 

It came to you on the day after, that the only stitches you ever did were on Joel Miller’s body. You had stitched a cut on his upper arm almost fifteen years ago. Then a bulled wound on his hip.

But that was nothing like what you were dealing with here. 

You had used the little bottle of disinfectant to clean his wound as best as you could, before you stitched him up and he had not even moved a muscle through all of it. 

It was sometime during the early morning hours that he stirred, waking up only enough to ask after Ellie, falling back asleep immediately when you came into his line of view, his whispered name on your lips. 

You and Ellie had pulled him in as many blankets as possible to get him to warm up. 

It was like you checked the wound hourly to make sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore and somehow in the early hours of the afternoon it seemed to stop. 

Ellie was spending almost all her time outside in the garage with the horses after she woke up. She wasn’t talking much, but she had told you that she was glad you had found them. 

A groan made you jump up and you found Joel’s eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings until his eyes focused on you, whispering your name, his voice hoarse.

„How are you feeling?“ You asked softly, coming to kneel next to him, your hand on his cheek. 

„Like I got stabbed by a bat,“ he groaned and you felt the tears springing into your eyes as you smiled sadly. 

„Not the time for jokes Miller,“ you said and he sighed, his head turning in your hand.

„Ellie?“ He asked. 

„In the garage with the horses,“ you said and he nodded slowly. 

„'Am sorry,“ he said and you shook your head. 

„It’s okay,“ you said and now he shook his head. 

„Was a shitty thing to leave,“ he grunted. 

„Yeah it was. And I am gonna yell at you for that, but only once you are all healed up,“ you promised with a small smile, your fingers brushing over your skin. 

The door flew open and Ellie ran in with wide eyes. 

„There was someone out there,“ she said and your eyes widened before you got up while she knelled down next to Joel who was trying to get up.

„Wait here with him and do not let him get up,“ you instructed Ellie as you made your way out into the garage. 

The windows of the whole house were barricaded so the only way to actually look outside were the broken windows over the garage door. 

You carefully stepped onto the chair you had found inside to look out of the window and you could see three men walk down the street, as if they were looking for something. They didn’t look like they were raiders, not carrying any kind of bags or supplies on them. And only one was holding a handgun. You were glad that it had continued to snow during the night, covering up all the tracks that led to the house. 

You watched as they rounded the block, noticing how thin they looked as they walked back the way they came from, unease washing over your body. 

„They must be around here somewhere. How far can they get? Rodrick fucking stabbed him with his bat,“ you heard one of them mutter as they walked past the house, your heart stopping. 

They were looking for Joel.

For Joel and Ellie. 

You had to get out of here. 

You watched them until they had left the street, before you got down from the chair.

Still in your thoughts you made you way back inside the house.

The longer you thought about them the more uncomfortable you became. You had the same feeling a couple times before, the last time just before you made it out of Kansas City, a city you only barely survived. 

Both Ellie’s eyes and Joel’s were on you when you entered the room. 

„It would be better for Joel to stay here and heal but…“

„We have to leave?“ Ellie asked and you nodded. 

„I…They are looking for you. I heard them talk,“ you said as you knelt down on the other side of Joel who was looking up at you. You put your hand on his forehead, noticing that he was running a little hot. 

You would need medicine for him. You only had some expired aspirin. That wouldn’t help him if his wound got infected. 

„We’ll leave first thing in the morning,“ you decided, hoping that it would be for the best.

It was a four day ride back to Jackson.

Four days that felt like four weeks. 

Joel had been strong enough to get on his feet on the morning you left and both Ellie and you had helped him up into the saddle before you got onto the horse in front of him, using two belts you had found upstairs to strap him against you, his arms coming to wrap around you.

You heard every groan of pain he let out as he tried to keep himself up on the horse. 

On the second day, once you were far enough away from the town you felt him burn up, mumbling against your ear, his head resting on your shoulder. 

It was getting harder to keep him on the horse with you, Ellie riding next to you, her worried eyes always on Joel. 

More than once he told you to just leave him and get both you and Ellie to safety but you and Ellie were having none of it. 

When you saw the gates of Jackson you were almost crying, Ellie galloping in front of you even though you called after her to slow down, hoping they wouldn’t just shot her on sight. 

But then the gate opened and for the first time in a long time you were glad to see Tommy Miller running towards you, already yelling commands out. 

The next hours were a blur. 

You pretty much passed out the moment you knew Joel was taken care off. You woke up to beeping in a dark room, only a little lamp on the table next to the bed you were laying in,  your eyes immediately finding Ellie who had cuddled on the bed next to you. You carefully put an arm around her before you noticed someone else in the room. 

Joel was laying in the bed next to yours, the constant beep of the monitor telling you that his heart was still beating. 

You closed your eyes, releasing a shuddering breath as you tried to keep the tears in that were threatening to escape your eyes. 

Ellie shifted in your arms and she turned around, her arm sneaking around you, her eyes looking up at you. 

„Thank fuck you’re awake, these people around here are weird,“ she said and you huffed a laugh, hugging her closer. 

„How long…?“ You asked but she interrupted you. 

„We came here yesterday just before dinner. Breakfast was two hours ago? I’m not sure,“ she mumbled. You both jumped when the door opened, your head turning just in time to see Tommy walk in, followed from an older man. 

„You’re awake,“ the man said and you sat yourself up, the sudden move making your head spin. 

„I’m Carl, I’m the town doctor,“ he introduced himself to you before he walked over to Joel.

„Is he gonna be okay?“ You asked.

„Thanks to some medication and some generous blood donations,“ he eyed Tommy, „he should be making a full recovery. Nice stitches,“ he complemented and you released a relieved breath.

„You should have seen the blood transfusion, it was super gross,“ Ellie said with a shudder that made you laugh. 

„I want you to rest too. You were severely dehydrated. That must have been some exhausting couple of days for you,“ he said, giving you a small smile before he looked at Tommy and left the room. 

It was quiet in the room for a moment as you tried not to look at Tommy. 

Ellie suddenly sat herself up with a hum.

„Weeeeeell this isn’t awkward at all, so I’m gonna go and get us some food,“ she announced before she jumped off the bed and left you alone with the Miller brothers. 

For a long time the only noise inside the room was the constant beeping of Joel’s heart monitor.

„Why did you leave without saying anything?“ You finally asked and Tommy shifted in the chair he was sitting in. 

„I couldn’t stay. Joel was…. He was getting more and more reckless. Then there was the fucking drugs. I wanted to… I though I could make the world better. just couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t watch him destroy himself any longer. And I am sorry I didn’t tell you. You didn’t deserve that,“ he said and you nodded. 

„I know the things we all did were horrible. They haunt me too. And Joel…“ you look at him, sleeping in his bed. 

„He was never the same after Sarah,“ you whispered. 

„We all weren’t. We just dealt with it differently,“ Tommy said and you nodded. 

„Are you gonna stay?“ He asked and you sighed, looking at him. There was no point in keeping a grudge anymore. Not after what happened. You were safe. Ellie was safe. Joel was safe and hopefully close to being okay again. 

„I have to tell you one thing,“ you decided. He deserved to know why you had been so angry. Why you blamed him for every single bad thing that happened after he left. 

„Okay,“ he said, nodding at you. 

„On the morning after I found out your left, I also found out that I was pregnant,“ you said quietly, seeing his eyes widen, before he took a deep breath. 

„I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I am telling you so you can understand why I was so angry and hurt,“ you explained. 

„I can’t keep blaming you for every bad thing that happens to me,“ you whispered. 

„What,“ he cleared his throat, „what happened?“ He asked. 

„I lost it six weeks after you left,“ you said with a sad smile, your finger brushing the tear away that ran down your cheek. 

He looked wrecked.

„I’m so fucking sorry,“ he shook his head, his hand running through his hair. 

You shrugged. 

„It just wasn’t meant to be,“ you sobbed, cursing to yourself as you turned your head to hide your face against the pillow. 

„Fucking hug her,“ you both heard Joel grunt and you almost jumped up, your head spinning again. 

„Joel, thank fuck,“ Tommy said before he jumped out of his chair as he saw you get out of bed on shaky legs. His arms held you up as you stumbled towards Joel’s bed who gave you a painful smile. 

„Come on, let’s get you into bed,“ Tommy whispered before he helped you sit down, pulling your legs up onto the bed as you carefully laid down next to Joel, his right arm opening for you. 

You put your hand on his chest, careful to not hurt him as you inhaled his familiar, if somewhat sweaty, scent. 

„I’ll leave you two alone,“ Tommy said as he looked at the both of you, but you were already asleep. 

„I’ll take care of her,“ Joel whispered before he kissed your forehead. 

Six weeks later

„I fucking hate math!“ Ellie groaned, letting her head fall against the table.

„Language!“ Joel called from the kitchen and she rolled her eyes while you held back a giggle. 

„Nobody likes math,“ you assured her, your arm wrapping around her shoulder. 

„Why do I have to learn it then?“

„Because that’s just the way life is. We all have to learn shit we don’t want,“ you said, you both laughing when Joel again called you out on your cursing. 

„I am a fully grown adult, Mr. Miller, leave me alone,“ you yelled towards the kitchen, only to hear his footsteps seconds later before he appeared in the door, both of his hands on his hips, giving you an exhausting head shake. 

„What am I gonna do with you?“ He asked before he walked over. You let go of Ellie’s shoulder as he stepped closer, his lips coming to kiss your cheek.

„Ugh gross,“ Ellie gagged, jumping out of her seat. 

„I’m gonna go and ask Dina to help me with math!“ She said, running out of the house, the door falling closed behind her. 

„She forgot her homework,“ Joel said, now kissing your neck. 

„Mmmmmhhh….“ You nodded, tilting your head to give him more space, his lips wandering up your neck. 

One of his hands sneaked to the front of your shirt until his palm softly palmed your breast. 

„Think you’re up for some…. Biology?“ He asked and you giggled, getting up from your chair to turn around, your arms crossing behind his neck. 

„Birds and bees again?“ You said, playfully annoyed while he nodded, all serious, before you both broke out in laughter. 

„We gotta work on your flirting, Miller,“ you said before you kissed him, shrieking when his fingers pinched your ass. 

„Love you,“ he mumbled against your lips and you smiled. 

„Love you too,“ you whispered before you let him guide you towards your bedroom. 

[talaok]

After all

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: A morning in Jackson with your husband Joel and his kid Ellie, only ever since you got pregnant he has seemengly become insatiable.

Warnings: A bunch of fluff, reader is pregnant, unspecified age gap, smut| Unprotected p in v, creampie, breeding kink, big dick Joel (ofc), soft!dom Joel.

a/n: this is a weird short lil thing bc i am delulu and i dont wanna think about the next ep. this is what happens. all of this is canon 100%.

You'd stopped setting an alarm long ago.

This was the only way you ever woke up now... with Joel Miller's mouth on you.

Today, the kiss had landed on the top of your head.

"Mornin' beautiful"

The man was like an alarm clock, he always woke up at the same exact time, and he'd made it a routine now of taking his sweet time in the morning.

Each day felt like a blessing when he opened his eyes and you were in his arms, breathing deeply onto his chest, his neck... every morning he'd wake up and stare at you for a little while, letting you have a few more minutes of sleep, thanking whoever was responsible for having ever let him meet you.

And this morning had been no exception.

"Good morning" you mumbled, softly rubbing your face against his neck as you tried to will your eyes to open.

Your senses were invaded with everything Joel- his potent manly scent, his heat, his touch... just as every morning he was the welcome reprieve against the daunting task of starting your day.

But today it seemed a slow morning wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

You finally craned your neck up with a yawn before smiling softly at him.

He always looked so cute in the morning, when his defenses weren't up because it was just you and him...

Without speaking, without needing to, both of you leaned closer to the other until his mouth was gently pressing on yours- which is how you usually greeted each other every morning... what didn't however happen every day was his lips pressing harder, his tongue infiltrating your mouth, or his left hand forcing your head even closer to his.

You didn't even have time to smile at his eagerness that he'd pinned you beneath him, kissing you brutally now, his tongue fighting with your own as his right hand began to trail down your swollen belly looking to get beneath your sleeping shorts.

Your hands went to his hair- it had changed since you'd arrived in Jackson, his locks had grown longer and greyer and it didn't matter how many times he'd come up with an excuse as to why he wanted them short again... you'd never allow it, it was as if his long hair was the proof of how comfortable and safe he'd grown here... around you.

"Joel" you managed to murmur, trying to slow him down.

But he didn't answer, he only groaned in response as his left hand seeped underneath your shirt, desperately grasping your boobs.

"Baby" you cooed as his mouth left yours to peck whatever inch of your neck he could reach.

"I need ya darlin'"

You wanted nothing more than to accept what you knew was about to come, but even if it killed you, you spoke up.

"I wanted to make breakfast baby" you murmured as his calloused fingers touched your belly as if it were made of porcelain, caressing it with all his love "before Ellie goes on patrol"

The groan he let out was one of both frustration and protest.

Joel had never been a fan of Eliie going on patrol... quite the opposite really.

He'd tried to talk her out of it countless times, he even persuaded Tommy into getting her off some shifts, but to no avail, she always got her way.

He even tried getting you on his side, and although you didn't love the idea, you knew better than to tell Ellie what to do.

You'd had countless conversations about it, hundreds of:

"You can't protect her forever Joel" and "She's not a kid anymore, you can't tell her what to do"

And he'd always say something like:

"It's too damn dangerous" and "I just don't get why she has to go"

And then he'd always complaint about how "She's so damn reckless" and every time, you couldn't help but smile as you reminded him: "She's just like her dad"

But in the end, he had accepted it... he wasn't happy about it, but at least he got Ellie to promise she would be 'real fucking safe' and that she'd stay out of trouble.

Which is why you smiled as you guided his head up so you could kiss him.

"Please?" you bit down a smile, half laughing "I'll make it up to you later"

He grumbled displeased before giving up.

"I hate that goddamn patrol"

__ __ __

Eggs were frying in the sizzling pan, but all your focus was on Joel's mouth devouring your own... again.

Joel Miller had always had a voracious appetite, but from the very first moment you got pregnant he'd become insatiable.

Every single second he had to have his hands on you, no matter if you were in public or not, his palm was on your lower back, on the inside of your thighs, on your cheeks, and most of all on your growing belly.

And then there were times like now, where he had every inch of your body pressed against his, both his hands on your ass, as he kissed you like it was the very last time he ever could.

That was until a voice startled you.

"Jesus"

It seemed Ellie had made it to breakfast.

"Get a room you two"

Joel begrudgingly took a step back, letting you out of his hold so you could finally greet poor Ellie... you would have liked to say this was the first time she'd caught you showing a little too much affection to each other, but the truth was the girl must be tired of it.

"Hi Ellie" you smiled wide, certain that your face and cheeks were flushed enough to notice.

"Good mornin' kiddo" Joel nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee, completely unfazed.

"No wonder you got pregnant in less than a year" Ellie grumbled, making you chuckle.

__ __ __

Breakfast flew by. It was mostly Joel and Ellie who talked, yapping about whatever disgusting discovery Ellie had made on some recent patrols or the new jokes she and Dina had made up.

The whole time Joel's hand remained on your thigh as he listened eagerly at every word leaving Ellie's lips- but you... you weren't really listening, all you could do the whole time was smile, as the rising sun shined through the windows, as Joel's and Ellie's laughs filled the room, as your child grew in your belly, you could only smile as the reality of how great life could really be, even after all, set in.

__ __ __

Ellie had run out of the house only minutes ago.

You were just starting to wash the first mug in the sink when he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, kissing your cheek.

He set down the last dish he'd retrieved from the table into the sink and guided your hands away from the task, forcing you to turn around.

You could see it in his eyes before he even spoke a word.

"Jesus baby you're insatiable today" you laughed as he smirked, leaning closer to leave a soft kiss on your lips.

"can't help myself when my wife looks so goddamn beautiful" he murmured, his hands finding your sides so his thumb could trace small circles on your belly.

You smiled at his words as he moved you against the kitchen counter. "You're gonna be late to work"

He nodded mindlessly, kissing your neck and sending shivers down your back.

"'m sure they'll survive without me"

And that was that.

You didn't even know why you'd tried to protest, you could never deny him... and he never did change his mind.

"You wanna go on the bed?" he asked breathlessly between kisses, his big warm palms working your shirt up and off of you.

Jesus, you got hotter every day.

You let out a soft cry as his leg found its place in between your thighs and he grinded his rock-hard cock against you.

You hadn't even touched him and he was damn near losing his mind.

"You're the one with the bad back... and knees... and-"

He interrupted you with a kiss, moving you onto the counter as an answer.

"You're saying I'm old sugar?" he challenged, his voice sweet as honey and lustful as ever.

You grinned, your hands traveling downwards to the tent in his sweatpants.

"Well it sure isn't me who needs glasses"

He couldn't help but softly laugh, his forehead falling to yours- though the moment your hand infiltrated his boxers and grabbed his dick, giving it a slow, torturous pump all the sounds coming out of his mouth turned to a desperate groan.

"fuck doll" he growled, getting rid of your shorts and panties in one quick move "You sure you're comfortable here?"

It was funny, the way while he asked that, he was already guiding his cock into you.

"Yeah," you nodded nonetheless, your voice barely a whisper "it's... it's perfect"

The cold of the counter against your skin grounded you as Joel thrust his dick inside you- inch by inch.

No matter how many times he filled you, you were never getting used to him.

"Fuckin'- Jesus Christ babydoll" he growled, his mouth just an inch from yours, both your heavy breathings mixing with one another.

"Feel like fuckin' heaven," he growled before he started moving.

And... yeah... fuck.

Moans started spilling from your mouth like prayers as your hands went to his back, scratching his skin as you held onto him for dear life.

He never went particularly hard since the baby, but he still managed to go fast... and deep.

"Oh my god" you cried, eyes locked with his as he split you in half "Joel" you mewled, earning a messy kiss.

"takin' me so well darlin'" he praised, moving some hair from your face as your eyes fogged up with that pre-orgasmic haze "Always so good for me... I'll never tire of this perfect fuckin' pussy baby- think about it every second of every day... fuck"

At that, at the feeling of his cock grazing your cervix with each thrust, your walls hugging him impossibly tight and his sweet southern drawl coming out more the more ecstasy took over, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your moans got higher and louder.

You'd never had to be quiet since Ellie moved to the garage, and you sure didn't miss it.

"J-Joel-- Oh shit"

You threw your head back as the pleasure started overriding your body, your legs spasming as your mind went blank, and Joel took it as an opportunity to bend down and kiss every inch of your neck he could reach- eventually, he started focusing right beneath your ear, where he knew drove you crazy.

"You're gonna come for me sugar?" he purred, the sound of his skin slapping with yours bouncing off the kitchen's walls "be a good girl and come on my cock darlin'"

He didn't even have to ask.

You silenced your own cries by biting down on the piece of him where his neck met his shoulder as your vision went white and all you could feel was pleasure in its purest form.

Joel watched every second of it, his eyes inevitably lowering to your belly together with his hands... he couldn't believe this was real.

You didn't know how long the orgasm went on, but Joel didn't stop for one second. It was only when you finally relaxed that he let himself off the hook.

"I'm gonna come babygirl" he groaned, his thrusts turning sloppy "Gonna fill you up" he smiled, kissing your mouth as you tried your best to reciprocate in the post-orgasmic haze "It don't matter that I've filled you up already... need to show everyone you're mine" he grunted, his hands cradling your belly making you beam "gonna make you a mama over and over again, sugar- fuck- goddamnit"

Before you knew it, he was doing exactly what he'd said- filling you up.

His head fell to the crook of your neck as he groaned loud enough for the whole Jackson to hear.

His eyes seemed even bigger as he peeked up at you after a while, nothing in them if not joy and devotion.

"I love you" he murmured, kissing you softly.

"I love you" you promised back.

Yeah... life really could still be great after all.

[darknight3904]

tommy going down on fem reader for first time (Jackson era) she’s a little nervous and he reassures her💗

Nerves

Jackson!Tommy x Fem!Reader

Summary: Two years into your relationship with him, Tommy Miller realizes he's missing a crucial part of any good relationship.

Warnings: Language, Smut so 18+, oral F! receiving, Tommy is a munch.

TLOU Masterlist

Word Count: 1.5k

You’re not sure when you got so comfortable around Tommy Miller. 

Perhaps it’s because he makes you feel safe, always looking out for things you didn’t even notice, just yesterday he’d caught you after you stumbled on the last step, your shoelace getting caught up between your feet. Or maybe it was because he’d lazily lie in bed next to you, running a warm hand through your hair as he read from a book you found on patrol. 

All you know is that you’re comfortable around him, trusting him to take care of you and in return giving him all of your love. 

Tommy likes to watch you. Not in a creepy way, just in a, make sure you’re safe kind of way. He’ll stroll around Jackson, keeping an eye on you as you pull crops up and harvest the vegetables and fruits. He’ll make sure that if you’re ever on patrol, he’s the one with you; if not, you’re not leaving the safety of the walls. 

Tommy knew he was in love with you the moment he saw you. Fresh out of the Fireflies, he’d stumbled across Jackson by accident, or rather picked up by a patrol that probably wanted to kill him. You had somehow convinced the council that he was harmless, despite the Firefly pendant that hung on his neck, along with the backpack with their symbol sewn into it. Fast forward a few months and he was chatting you up in the Tipsy Bison, eventually winning you over enough that you agreed to a dance. Since then, he’d been hooked.

Tommy knew you loved him, you said it often and regularly showed him through your actions that you were just as mesmerized as he was. Each night before bed, he’d regularly whisper those three little words into your skin, content with telling you over and over again so you wouldn’t forget it. 

Despite this little slice of paradise and your love for him, Tommy got the sense you weren’t entirely comfortable with him. It was nearly two years since you and he had gone official, linking your hands together as you walked in Jackson, and about a year ago moving in together. 

It wasn’t that he went out of his way to make you feel odd, he could just tell you weren’t fully on board with some things he did, particularly his love for physical touch. You’d gotten more used to it in the past months, probably because the two of you now shared a bedroom but Tommy couldn’t shake the fact that something was amiss. 

Now, most people in Jackson would probably tell him he was being crazy, making a mountain out of a mole hill but they didn’t know the inner workings of you and Tommy. 

Yes, there was certainly something wrong, Tommy knew exactly what it was, and he was going to address it tonight. 

You sip at the broth in your bowl, the chicken noodle soup you’d made turned out perfect. There was even enough for you to scoop into a thermos for Tommy to take out tomorrow when he left for patrol. You think about what you should cook for dinner tomorrow or if you and Tommy should just go down to the community hall and get dinner there. 

“Why don’t you let me go down on you?” 

The crass question leaving your oh so blunt boyfriend’s mouth has you sputtering into your bowl. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” You sheepishly ask, of course, he’d eventually notice your aversion to receiving oral sex. 

“Y’never let me go down on you. You’re always the one givin’ me a blowjob but you never let me return the favor.” Tommy says 

Your eyes flick away from him and down to your lap, your soft grey sweatpants staring back at you.

Tommy reaches across the table, taking one of your hand in his bigger ones, “Do you…not want me to?”

“No!” You blurt out, “It’s not that, it’s just…” 

“Just what?” The kind eyes of your boyfriend stare back at you as you try to find the right words.

“It’s just…you don’t think it’s gross?” You ask timidly 

Tommy snorts, a laugh escaping his lips as he shakes his head like you’ve just told him the funniest thing in the world. 

“Gross? Baby I’ve been fucking dreaming of it since we started sleeping together.” 

You shake your head, no that can’t be right. What man would want to put his mouth between your legs like that? You’d had three boyfriends before Tommy, all of them were still here in Jackson, and none of them were ever interested in you like that, always pushing your head down to their own crotch, asking you to open wide. 

“You’re lying.” You breathe 

“Wanna go upstairs? I can show you how much m’ not.” He softly says 

“But what about the dishes?” You squirm, hoping he’ll drop it 

“Dishes can wait,” Tommy smiles, standing up to offer you his hand, “Let me show you how much I love ya. Let me worship you, sweetheart.” 

You let Tommy guide you upstairs, hand on the small of your back as he pushes the door open to your shared bed. You fall back onto the soft mattress, Tommy planting wet kisses down your body as he pulls your clothes off. Soon, you’re down to just your panties, arousal pooling in the cotton fabric as Tommy looks up from between your legs. 

“You sure?” You ask breathlessly, too turned on to think clearly 

“I should be asking you that, pretty girl.” Tommy hums, “Are you sure?” 

“I think so…” You look at him where he eagerly awaits your consent, “Yes, M’ sure.” 

You want to do this for him, Tommy seems like he wants to so badly, who are you to deny him? Besides you bet he’s going to regret it and stop after a few seconds anyway. Your underwear inch off your body slowly and your hand flies down, grabbing Tommy’s. 

“Wait! I haven’t…I haven’t shaved, let me go to the bathroom quickly.” You sit up on your elbows 

Tommy is quick to push you back down, a dark glint in his eye as he stares at you, “Stay right where you are. Little hair never killed anyone before.” 

“You don’t think it’s gross?” You sigh 

Tommy smiles down at you, softly like he can sense your nerves and the way your heart pounds. 

“First off, nothin’ that has to do with you is gross. Second, this isn’t some shitty porno, we’re real people baby, I don’t care what she looks like, hair isn’t gonna bother me, I’m not those shitbags you used to date.” 

Tommy pulls the last bit of clothing from your body, hooking your legs over his shoulders, you’ve never felt more exposed. You shiver and feel your cunt clench as he blows air onto it. 

“There she is, pretty little thing,” He presses a kiss to your folds and you let out a soft sigh, “Needy too, never had a real man to take care of her.” 

Tommy’s ramblings has your face heating up in embarrassment, you wiggle your hips, “L-Let’s just get this over with.” 

“Get this over with? Actin’ like m’ gonna cut your leg off or something.” He teases, “Get this over with..,you hear what she’s saying? Doesn’t even know how badly this cunt needs my mouth.” 

“Tommy, you’re being weird just–oh”

His patchy facial hair tickles your delicate skin as his tongue licks a wet trail from your hole to your clit. A kiss is pressed to your thigh, whispering something that sounds like praise before he sucks your clit into his mouth. 

Your hips jump at the sudden onslaught of pleasure, his name leaving your lips as you fist the sheets. His tongue slips down to your hole, a groan leaving his lips as he laps at your wetness. Tommy’s thumb draws circles over your clit as your hips begin to stutter into his face, your mind a clouded mess. 

“T-Tommy, fuck…” You whisper into your room, you’ve never felt quite this good before, your climax is coming, fast.  

“C’mon baby, fuck my face, give it to me.” He encourages, his deep voice and southern drawl sending a chill up your spine.

An embarrassingly loud moan leaves your lips when your cum, your hips pulling up off the bed as Tommy slings an arm across your stomach, keeping his sinful mouth pressed to your center. 

You push at his head as you come down, his tongue sending painful twitches across your sensitive cunt. Tommy falls down on the bed next to you, chin damp grinning like a mad man as he looks over at you. 

“Still think I don’t like it?” He coyly asks 

You roll your eyes, he’s too damn smug about this whole thing, “You do know you’re going to be doing that alot more now, right?” 

Tommy laughs, wiping at his messy face before pressing a kiss to your lips, his facial hair smelling of you, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

TLOU Masterlist

[forever-rogue]

❛ just relax and let me take care of you. ❜ but with Tommy cause lord knows there’s barely anything for him😔 and it’s reader who’s stressed and he helps her relax?

AN | You’re so right and you should say it. I’ve been a Tommy stan and I’ll die a Tommy stan. Enjoy some softness 💕

Pairing | Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader 

Warnings | Reader has experienced significant trauma from canon-typical violence

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | Main 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You jolted awake, sitting up and gasping for breath as your eyes scanned the dark, quiet bedroom. Clammy and tense, you scrubbed a hand down your face, willing yourself to calm down.

It was just a dream. A nightmare. Another hellish reminder of what had happened. What you had witnessed was forever etched into your memory. You hastily brushed away the tears rolling down your cheeks, attempting to keep your crying as quiet as possible.

“Hey, hey.” Tommy sat up next to you, his hands seeking you out in the darkness of the bedroom. There was only a sliver of pale moonlight streaming in through the curtain, bathing you both in an almost ethereal glow. Your body relaxed slightly at the feeling of his hands on yours, tenderly pulling away your hands from your face, “it’s okay. I’m right here—I’ve got you.”

“I…” you trailed off, at a loss for words. How did you even begin to describe what had started to haunt both your days and nights? You didn't have to with him; he understood even if he hadn't been there with you.

You burrowed your cheek into his hand, letting his gentle touch ground you. You were at home, safe, in your bedroom with Tommy. He made gentle sounds as he brushed away your tears, reminding you that everything was okay. Once your initial panic wore off, he pulled you into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around you as you burrowed your face in his chest. Your tears quickly soaked through his shirt, but he didn't loosen his hold on you; you could have ruined a thousand shirts and he wouldn't have cared.

“Tommy,” his name was but a whisper as he rubbed your back in soothing circles. He was so gentle, his touch reverent and loving. That made the tears come harder as you realized that this man was one of the best things that had ever happened to you, “it was the same dream. Again. I-I….I want it to stop.”

“I know,” he whispered.

“Every night when I wake up, I check to make sure you’re there—because I can’t... I can’t lose you, Tommy.” Your voice was thick with tears, and Tommy had to fight back his own. “Even when you are there, I worry...sometimes I think, what if it had been you and not Joel? And it's so selfish of me. I just…I don't want to feel like this forever. I want to be normal again. I don’t always want to go around and just be expecting the worst.”

“Honey.” He turned your face up toward his so he could meet your eyes, “there is nothing wrong with you. You went through a lot. Its going to be hard for a while but it won't always be this way. You’ll get better….we’ll all get better.”

“Promise?”

“I do,” he pressed kisses to your forehead and cheeks, before brushing his lips lightly against yours, “I promise.”

“Okay,” you kissed him, slowly and gently, trying to memorize every touch, taste, and feel of him, “can you…hold me tonight?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, slowly laying back down and pulling tightly into his arms, making you feel both safe and sound, “sleep. I'll be right here. I'll stay awake all night if you need.”

“You need rest too,” you sniffled softly, “try and get some sleep too.”

“Let me worry about you, yeah?” He kissed the top of your head, “just rest.”

“Love you, Tommy,” you whispered, sleep already tugging you back into its sweet embrace. At least with Tommy holding you, you might be able to get some dreamless sleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The thought of going outside Jackson again was enough to have you reeling. You didn’t want to go, you wanted to stay home, safe and with your family. But, you realized, it wasn’t even truly safe inside anymore either. Not when the sanctity of your home had been compromised. It didn’t matter that you knew it was more or less a fluke experience and unlikely to happen again. But it didn’t matter.

All you could see was the destruction and death upon your return with Ellie, Jesse, Dina, and Joel. Joel. It was watching him almost die, getting beaten halfway to death that haunted you. You had no clue how he had survived, hell, how any of you made it out alive, but you did.

You returned, wanting nothing more than to see your husband and sleeping for a very, very long time. Unfortunately, no rest ever seemed to come for the wicked and when you returned to Jackson, it was like coming back to a version of hell that nothing could have prepared you for.

But there wasn’t time to mourn, to rest, to destress, to make sure you were okay. No. The city needed help, its people needed people and no matter how much you were hurting, you’d never turn away from the opportunity to help.

So you worked without resting, without making sure you were okay.

And now, several months later, you were still jumpy, still having nightmares, and never relaxed. It was like your body never got the message that it could be off high alert. Your body was always buzzing and vibrating, waiting for what came next.

Tommy had noticed; everyone had noticed. It was like the only other person that understood was Joel. Joel, your brother-in-law that had bounced back as everyone expected. He was tired and so were you. At least you had someone to commiserate with while he recovered and you helped him as much as you could. You liked spending time with him; sometimes it felt like he was the only one that understood. 

“Hey - are you listening?” you blinked a few times as your eyes adjusted to the man standing in front of you. Jesse had a look somewhere between annoyance and pity on his face, “where’d you go?”

“Nowhere,” you whispered, “sorry.”

“We’re going out on patrol, it’s our turn. We have to go,” he said nodded towards the stables as you swallowed thickly, “we have to go.”

“Jesse,” you whispered, wondering how you could possibly get out of patrol. You knew that Tommy had pulled strings with the council since you’d been back to make sure you didn’t have to go out. But there was only so long he could protect you before you needed to take care of yourself. Your heart was fluttering around wildly in your chest as you frowned at him, “can you take - “

“I’m sorry,” he reached over and gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, “the council isn’t willing to keep switching your shifts. I tried…Tommy tried.”

“Okay,” you took the gun he held out to you, the weight in your hand feeling foreign and off putting. You holstered, feeling like a caricature of yourself; you from a few months ago, from before, would have laughed. You would have never acted like this, “let’s go then.”

“It won’t be long or too far out,” he promised as you padded after him to get your horses, keeping your eyes peeled for Tommy. Before you managed to leave, you heard your name being called, followed by your husband running up to you, a worried expression on his face. 

“Tommy,” his name fell from your lips like a prayer as he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I tried but-”

“It’s okay,” you insisted, pulling back and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I can’t keep hiding forever.”

“Here,” he took off his flannel jacket, the one you loved so much, and put it on you, immediately enveloping you in his scent, “it’s cold out there. I’ll be right here when you get home. I promise.”

“I know,” you sighed softly as he buttoned up the jacket before pulling you in for another kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you,” his voice was low in your ear, just for you. There was a deep frown on his face as he looked you over. You reached up and put your hands on his face, studying all the freckles that dotted his golden skin. You kissed him and he kissed you back, putting every fiber of his being into the kiss, “right here, okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed before letting go of him and turning back towards Jesse, “bye.”

He gave Jesse a hard nod as he watched the two of you leave, his own feeling like it was breaking in half.  He had done everything he could to try and help you come out of the haze you were in, but he knew that there was only so much he could do before you just needed to face your demons head on. He just hated that he wasn’t going with you. But in some ways, he supposed, it was better that he wasn’t there. 

But he’d be right there the moment you got home.  And Tommy Miller was determined to make sure you knew how much he loved you, and that he’d always protect you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time you got back the next evening, your nerves were shot. Part of you was glad to have gone out and conquered at least some of your fears, but the other part just wanted to get home to hide. It was uneventful and Jesse was right, everything was fine. Very fine. You hoped that over time, going back on patrol would become easier again. 

You weren’t a damsel in distress; you were the hero of your own story. Right now it didn’t feel like that...but you held onto hope that you’d get back to yourself soon. 

Your home was brightly lit, warmth spilling from the windows, with Tommy waiting for you. You almost ran when it came into view, but decided to make yourself walk at a calm pace. There was nothing to fear, nothing to run from, but so much to get home to. 

You opened the door, the familiar creak making you feel at ease. The first thing that came into view as you came inside and kicked your boots was the vase of flowers that was on the table. They were fresh and beautiful, and not shockingly, all of your favorites.

“Tommy?” you called softly, and were instantly met by the sound of his approaching footsteps. He stopped in front of you, a big, soft grin on his face, and his hair down and curly as ever. Dressed in a soft sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants, he looked cozy—so at home, so at ease.

As soon as your brain made the connection that you were home, and he was here, your husband, you couldn’t help the sniffles and tears that welled up immediately, running down your cheeks before you knew what was happening. 

A panicked look colored his features as he closed the gap and hugged you tightly, his embrace almost too tight. Almost. But it was never enough.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you sniffled. “I promise. I’m just... I’m so glad to be home. With you.”

“Shh,” he whispered softly, “‘m always gonna be here. You know that. Now, how about this…you just relax and let me take care of you.”

“Tommy-”

“I wasn’t aware I was asking a question,” he teased, getting a huff of laughter out of you. You nodded gently, giving into him without any real opposition; besides, you knew better than to argue with one of the Millers, “let me do this, please.”

“Okay,” you nodded and a comfortable, peaceful silence fell over the two of you. Tommy’s deft fingers worked to unbutton your (his) jacket, which he hung up in the coat closet. He removed the holster that was still strapped onto your thigh and put everything away safely and out of your sight. His gentle touch sent shivers down your spine, causing goosebumps all to erupt all over your skin.

“C’mon,” he took your hand in his, fingers tangled with yours as he started heading up the stairs. You trailed after him, realizing that you would have easily went wherever with him; you trusted him completely. 

He led you to the bathroom, making quick work of turning on the hot water, and pouring some oils into the tub. You couldn’t even remember the last time you took a bath; your body was practically aching and begging for it. 

A small sigh escaped your lips as he ran and grabbed a couple of clean, fluffy towels before turning his attention back to you. He reached for the hem of your sweater, meeting your eyes to make sure you were okay before taking it off your body. You watched as he studied you reverently, his golden brown eyes almost never leaving you. You attempted to reach behind you to take off your bra but he gently pushed your hands out of the way, doing it himself instead. Your body was so relaxed into his touch, and he soon had your pants and underwear off too. He held his out hand to help you into the tub before taking off his own clothes and getting in opposite you. It wasn’t sexual—but the intimacy of simply being with him made you want to cry all over again.

“Thank you,” your voice cut through the silence as he turned the water off and relaxed into its warmth as well.

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he insisted, running his fingers along your calf, “I want you to be able to be comfortable and calm. I know it’s been hard, but I hope you know that you always have me.”

“I know, Tommy,” you took his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it, causing a warmth to color his cheeks, “you always have me too. It’s just been…hard. But it’s been for everyone, I don’t know why it’s affecting me this much.”

“Just because it was hard for everyone, doesn’t make the fact it was hard for you any less important,” you offered him a tightlipped smile in response, “everyone heals differently. But you’ve been...throwing yourself into doing so much, I’m afraid that you haven’t taken the time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself too, yeah?”

“It feels-”

“It’s not selfish,” he knew exactly where your train of thought was going and was quick to shut it down, “if the roles were reversed, what would you tell me to do?”

“I…” you huffed dramatically before splashing some water at him, “you know I’d be telling you to take time for yourself and make sure you heal yourself too, not just everyone else.”

“Exactly,” he winked at you, before reaching for your hand and pulling you onto his lap. Your hands went to his chest and you sighed softly, admiring the man that you called yours. He played gently with your hair before you leaned in and kissed him, letting the time melt away as you lost yourself to his touch.  There was something that felt so grounding about being there in that moment with him. Just the two of you. Nothing else.

“Tommy…” your voice trailed off as you ran a hand through his curly hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. He made a small sound of content as a serious look settled on your face.

“We’re going to be okay, you know,” he reached for your hand, resting his palm against yours, his touch gentle, “probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will be. It always is.”

“I suppose,” you admired how much larger his hands were, entwining your fingers with his, “and if it’s not?”

“It’s going to be. Promise.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Are you warm enough?” you were already burrowed under the covers, finding the bedding clean and fresh. You turned just enough to look at him before nodding, “good.”

He went to close the window, leaving it open just a small crack for a bit of fresh air. You stuck your fingers out from under the covers, motioning for him to come over, “please say you’re going to join me.”

“I was going to let you get some rest,” his hands were on his as he raised an eyebrow, bringing a smile to your face, “you sure you want me intruding on your peace and quiet, darlin’?”

“I always want you,” you huffed, causing him to laugh softly as you moved closer to the middle of bed so he could join you, “just wanna lay here with you.”

“Alright, alright,” he held up his hands in defeat before stripping off his shirt and getting into the bed next to you. His strong arms reached for you, pulling you tightly into his large, warm body, “that better for you?”

“It’s perfect,” you agreed, tangling your legs with his. There was something that made you feel so safe and comforted by being held by him. You inhaled his familiar smell before pressing a kiss to his shoulder, “thank you, my love.”

“Like I said, you have nothing to thank me for,” he insisted, “I know it ain’t much, but I just wanted to do a little something special for you.”

“It’s more than,” you insisted, “I feel better, I do. It’s been getting better and I know a lot of that is because of you. I don’t know when I’ll feel completely back to normal but this is already a lot better than it was.”

“Whatever you need,” he ghosted his fingers along with you before swiping his thumb along your bottom lip, “I’ll do it.”

You kissed the tip of his finger, eyes on his as you offered him a look of acknowledgment. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. 

And you knew you could always count on Tommy to be there for you.

[psychedelic-ink]

ㅤㅤㅤ✦ 𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐒

ㅤㅤjoel miller x f!reader x tommy miller

genre: smut, minors dni, no outbreak

word count: 2.7k

summary: joel knows you have a little thing for his younger brother so decides to indulge you for your birthday.

warnings: gonna state this very clearly: joel gets cucked by tommy and watches, everyone is consenting and it's discussed beforehand, piv, dirty talk, possessive!joel, daddy kink, size kink, established relationship between joel and reader, jealousy, some brotherly rivalry, facial, mild degradation kink, creampie

a/n: this work was commissioned through kofi by the lovely @losergurlsstuff, thank you so much for your support and thank you so much for this delicious idea, I had a blast! ❤️‍🔥

**gif made by the amazing @pedgito thank you so much dear!! dividers made my the talented @saradika-graphics 💜💜💜

Everything has been amazing since you and Joel started dating. To you, he was perfect. The perfect man. The perfect partner. The perfect person. You are forever grateful to whatever god made your roads cross. You have no idea what you’d be doing without him. You’ve never felt so cared for in your entire life. What he doesn’t say with words he shows with what he does and today is no exception. 

“What do you want for your birthday?” 

You smile and shake your head, his head is laying right above your stomach, his one hand under your shirt, caressing the warm skin. “I have everything I need.” 

“Just tell me.” 

“I really don’t want anything, Joel. Especially not from you.” 

His hand on your skin stills, looking up, you giggle at the way he’s frowning. Shocked. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means, you dork,” you lean and brush your lips against his forehead. “That you already give me everything. Being with you is enough.” 

Joel’s eyes narrow. A pleasurable shudder rolls through your spine, you adore it when he looks at you like that. It reminds you of all the times you pushed his buttons, resulting in a delightful time. 

“I have an idea what you might want.” 

“And what’s that mister know-it-all?” 

“Tommy.” 

“W—What?” Your heart sinks to your stomach, your palms suddenly cold and sweaty. His younger brother’s name was the last thing you expected to hear. Joel spreads his fingers across your waist, gently, he squeezes. 

“It’s a’right, sweetheart. I’ve been thinkin’ about it a lot and well, I think it might be a good gift for your birthday.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

You genuinely don’t. Also, he’s been thinking about it? The inside of your stomach feels like lead. It’s true that once upon a time you thought how it would be with Tommy—but that was before Joel. And after you two started dating well. . . sure maybe your eyes did linger a bit, maybe you leaned a little too close when he whispered something in your ear during a party. . . You genuinely thought Joel wouldn’t notice. 

“I haven’t asked him yet,” he says, thoughtful. “But I was thinkin’ of indulgin’ your curiosities.” 

You‘re still not quite sure what he means by that. Your guilt gnaws at the walls of your stomach. Joel gives you everything, yet you make him feel like he doesn’t. Your eyes move away, falling to the corner of the wall. You can’t bear to look at him. He deserves better. 

“Hey,” he says, hand cupping your jaw and pulling you back. “Don’t cry.” 

“I’m not crying.” 

“You look like you’re about to,” he cracks a small smile. “I don’t mind, darlin’. It’s just a fantasy ain’t it? I know that you’re mine.” 

“I am,” you say tearfully. “I am and always will be.” 

“And I’m yours. I just want to spoil you as best as I can, sweetheart. And this seemed doable.” 

“Why do you even think Tommy would agree to this?” 

“Oh he will,” he says with a grin that makes your cheeks grow warm. “Don’t you worry that pretty head of yours.” 

You nod but doubt still taints your expression. You don’t doubt Joel’s words, but no one can deny that this might be a bit odd. You’re not entirely sure Tommy will be on board. But you trust Joel, so you don’t question it. 

Despite all the doubt, and tension in your muscles, excitement slowly brews deep within you. 

“Joel, I’m not so sure about this.” 

His head turns harshly to face his brother. There’s no way he’s backing out now, not when they were only inches away from the fucking bedroom door. 

Then again, he does understand. He’s ain’t stupid. But Joel had seen the way Tommy looked at you, the way his eyes would do a subtle sweep and linger on your ass whenever you walked out of a room. “I ain’t gonna suddenly choke you out if that’s what got your feathers ruffled.” 

Tommy shifts from one foot to the other. Joel’s not used to seeing his brother so deep in though. He fears that if he thinks a little harder he might break his brain. With a huff of breath escaping his lips, Joel throws a hand over Tommy’s shoulder and squeezes, drawing his attention. 

“Look, I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told her, if at any point you decide you don’t wanna do this, just say so and we’ll stop. No one is gonna get offended.” 

Tommy visibly relaxes at Joel’s words. He nods, lips a tight line. It reminds Joel when he taught him how to ride a bike when they were kids. He had the same expression.

“A’right then, now that that’s settled, let’s not keep her waitin’ anymore.” 

Without warning he opens the door and pushes Tommy in. If it was any other situation Joel would’ve laughed at the way Tommy tripped over his own feet. But his attention is immediately dragged to the bed you’re perched on. His mouth waters. He knew you were going to get dressed, well undressed in this situation, but he hadn’t thought about what you would put on. Joel’s eyes briefly flicker to Tommy, he seems just as in shock. It’s hard not to be with what you’re wearing. 

The fabric is a luxurious, deep blue, reminiscent of the darkest hours when the stars come out to play. The material is silky and smooth against the skin, offering a touch of elegance and comfort. And he would know. It’s his favorite damn set. Shimmering sparkles that adorn the fabric, mimic the stars scattered across the night sky. These sparkles catch the light of the scented candle you’ve lit, creating a subtle and enchanting glow.

Joel gradually meets your gaze. As soon as he does he knows you’ve done it on purpose. His lips quirk up, amusement growing in his eyes, you’d pay for this little stunt. 

“Wow,” Tommy exhales and takes a step forward. “You look amazin’ sweetheart.” 

You seem a little out of breath already, it’s going to be fun to watch you crumble. Though Joel isn’t quite sure how he feels about his brother being the one doing it. 

“Thanks,” you answer, unsure. 

There’s a lingering tension in the air and Joel almost rolls his eyes at them both. Almost. 

“A’right then,” he pushes Tommy until he’s at the edge of the bed and takes a seat on the chair he brought in this morning. “Stop bein’ shy now. Tommy, you’re her gift, are you sure you want to be the person responsible for her havin’ a shit birthday?” 

Tommy’s chest raises, “N-No.” 

“Then what are you waitin’ for?” 

“Jesus Joel, it’s not like I'm bringin’ her a new plant, give us a second.” 

Joel grins at the way he snaps and Tommy only shakes his head, turning to you and finally focusing on the right thing. You. 

Tommy tenderly presses both palms on each side of your face, thumbs moving in circles. Your nipples are already hard, he can see them like little diamonds showing up through the fabric. His fingers twitch. Patience isn’t something that he has, but he’ll try. For you. 

Your lips part with a soft gasp as Tommy finally brings you in, their lips brushing before full-on pressing against one another. Joel doesn’t miss the way your chest heaves. Your hands fist his shirt and Tommy tilts his head in response, Joel hears your little moans, his own cock gradually hardening under his jeans. 

Fuck, you look too good in that lingerie set. It’s hard just to sit and watch. 

“Take off his shirt,” Joel grunts, sounding more cross than he intended. You nod, but not without giving him a wary look first. When Tommy’s shirt hits the floor, the younger Miller roughly grabs your chin and turns your head so you’re facing Joel. His spine straightens. 

“You ain’t the one given’ orders,” Tommy says. “If you want me to make her feel good, you’re goin’ to shut up and watch, understood?” 

Joel’s mouth goes dry but he nods anyway. His eyes narrow as Tommy’s smile grows, his hand slips between your legs and begins to stroke you through your panties. Joel’s breath hitches, his gaze landing where you grow wetter and wetter. 

“Who’s in charge baby, tell him.” 

Your hips grind down to his hand, “You are.” 

“Well that wasn’t much of a challenge,” he chuckles, eyes finding Joel’s again. “Don’t you think you’re bad girl sayin’ that in front of your daddy?” 

Heat rushes to Joel’s cheeks, crimson spreading from his chest to his face. He wasn’t expecting Tommy to know that. A tingle he hasn’t felt before spreads from the base of his spine. His jealousy is starting to brew, but at the same time, it feels oddly nice to be helpless, even though he knows he isn’t. 

“Answer my question,” Tommy commands, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “Are you a bad girl?” 

“Y–Yes.” 

Your eyes roll when Tommy presses your clit, drawing rough circles, he smiles. “Tell your boyfriend who’s your daddy now?” 

Joel holds his breath. Beads of sweat coating his back. “You are,” he hears you say to Tommy. There’s a slight quiver to your bottom lip and every part of him wants to soothe you. 

But instead, his brother does. 

Tommy sucks your bottom lip into his mouth and kisses your deeply, his hands caressing the contour of your body. 

“Don’t worry,” Tommy says. “Daddy is goin’ to take care of you.” 

You’re about to lose your mind. Your body is a flame and with each devastating snap of Tommy’s hips, your mouth drops open with a guttural moan. You’ve always assumed he’d be a gentle lover. Though you have a sneaking suspicion that Joel’s presence might be a solid reason why he’s tearing you and building you up over and over again. 

He positioned you so you’re staring at nothing else but Joel, you see how hard he is under his pants, the outline of his cock visible and making you gush all over Tommy’s cock. You want him in your mouth so bad but you know this isn’t that kind of game. Joel’s eyes follow the sway of your breasts, your bra ripped from you a while ago. You were completely naked except for your panties—Joel’s favorite and now Tommy is fucking you in it. 

Tommy reaches forward and grabs your throat, pulling you up so more of your chest is exposed. His cock is bigger than you imagined, nearly big as Joel. He pounds into you mercilessly, his length stretching you every day, reminding you whose cock is tearing you apart. 

“Does it turn you on that he’s watchin’ how wet you’re gettin’ my dick sweetheart?” With his question another fresh wave of slick drips out of you, tears build in your eyes, your insides left throbbing. His hips stutter, going balls deep, breath catching in his throat. “Fuck. Joel, she’s soaked— does she ever get this wet for you?” 

“‘Course she does,” he grunts, crossing his arms. You can’t tell if he’s upset or not, but the fact that Tommy doesn't have a broken nose already must be a good sign. 

Tommy leans into your ear, loud enough for Joel to hear. “Bet the old man can’t fuck you as well as I do.” 

You don’t answer. You can’t. Both of them are so good at this, and your head is in shambles. 

Tommy suddenly stops, and you’re a brink away from breaking down. A whine tears away from your lips. He releases your neck, you fall forward, only upright thanks to his hands holding your arms. “Answer me.” 

“You’re making me feel so good,” you say instead and thankfully, he doesn’t try to gauge a different response. His cock pulses, making you believe that was all he wanted to hear. Joel observes the two of you carefully. 

“Say it again baby, tell him how well daddy’s taking care of you.” 

“Daddy’s taking care of me,” you slur as his pace begins to pick up again. Each thrust makes you squeeze his cock like a vice. Liquid heat drops down your spine, your stomach clenching as he edges you closer and closer to your downfall. “J–Joel,” you call out without much thought and his dark gaze meets your own. “He feels so good.” 

“Oh fuck—” Tommy chokes and swiftly pulls out, prompting you to let out a disappointed whine. “Shit, baby, I’m gonna— fuck— bring your face here—” 

The back of Tommy’s head falls against the headboard and you quickly hurry towards him, your glistening cunt now in perfect view. You hear Joel taking in a sharp exhale. You part your lips, dipping down to take Tommy into your mouth but he stops it, holding you by the nape. “I’m gonna ruin that pretty face of yours,” he groans, forcing you down so your cheek would be pressed right below his pelvis. He starts stroking himself, fucking into his fist, and the sight is so beautiful that you lick one of his balls into your mouth, his back arches. 

Suddenly, he grips you even tighter and starts moaning loudly in harsh gasps, his hips thrusting uncontrollably against your face. He closes his eyes, losing himself in the sensation of you. You can feel him pulsing against your skin. You moan in response, feeling the rush of excitement as you open your mouth wider to take it all in.

“Tommy, please,” you breathe out, your eyes locked with his as he releases a stream on your face, covering your cheeks and lips with his release. You can feel yourself growing even more aroused as he continues to stroke himself, coating your face with his warm come. You whimper, the vibrations sending shivers down his spine as he lets out a final raspy breath.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes out, his chest rising and falling heavily as he stares at you, your face damp and covered in his release. “You look so beautiful like this.”

You can feel your cheeks heating up, the intimate moment causing your heart to race in your chest. Tommy reaches out, gently wiping some of the come off of your face with his thumb before bringing it to your lips, letting you taste yourself.

“Fuck,” Tommy murmurs, his breaths coming out in short pants. He pulls you up to him, his lips crashing onto yours in a fierce kiss. However, while you’re lost in his mouth, you don’t realize the bed dipping with an added weight. You hear a clink of a belt and suddenly Joel is buried deep between your legs, his fingers rubbing tight circles around your clit. You gasp against Tommy’s mouth, the sensations becoming almost too much to handle.

“You didn’t make her come, idiot,” he groans, fucking himself into your deeper and deeper. Your eyes roll, your lips parting an inch away from Tommy’s face. Joel sinks his teeth into your neck, hips rutting into you without leaving you. His other hand playing with the elastic of your panties, you break down around him, your orgasm hitting you like a truck. “Mine,” he growls, acting as if the two of you are alone. “Mine, mine, mine—” 

Joel spills into you with a deep and visceral groan. There’s so much, his cock twitching and pulsing as he forces himself even deeper, claiming you as his. Doing something Tommy isn’t allowed to do. You shiver all over, your body weak with pleasure. 

He trickles down the inside of your thighs as he pulls out, falling back to his knees. You collapse onto Tommy’s chest and you’re surprised when you feel his hand on your neck, rubbing soothingly over your warm skin. 

Joel leaves a trail of kisses down your spine, “You were amazin’, honey.” 

“Such a good girl,” Tommy murmurs, though both of their voices feel as if it’s coming from a distance. Your eyes flutter closed, exhaustion taking hold of you. “Let’s get her cleaned up and tuck her in.” 

Joel presses his mouth against you one last time before heading to the bathroom. 

[zevrra]

𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

— 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴

𐙚 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩: tommy is leaving for seattle in the morning. he may never return so you only get this one night with him before he goes— and you’re going to make it count.

𝐟𝐭.jackson!tommy miller x fem!reader

𐙚 𝐰𝐜: 5k

𐙚 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬: mdni, pure smut, pre-seattle tommy, a lil hurt/comfort if you squint, undisclosed age-gap, established relationship, oral (f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, multiple positions, cowgirl, missionary, unprotected sex, p in v penetration, coming inside, breeding kink, praise kink, tommy likes to yap, emotional love making

𐙚 𝐚/𝐧: this is longer than i thought it was going to be…so hope y’all enjoy jshdhdjh reblogs are appreciated too :3

“I’m leavin’ in the mornin’.” Tommy exhales, leaning against the door frame to your bedroom. His arms crossed over his chest, closing himself off from anything you could try to say to change his mind; there was no changing it, not about this. 

As if you would try to talk him out of going anyway. You knew what this meant to him. Knew that he would not find peace until finishing his journey of revenge. 

Biting down on your bottom lip as you stare at the bag he’s packed sitting at the edge of your shared bed for just a heartbeat longer, before you turn to face him fully. 

“Just wanted to let you know.” He adds, clearing his throat as if he’s the one trying not to cry. As if he’s trying to convince himself that he was truly leaving. 

“You know the risks,” You state while you manage to cross the room. You come to stand before him, fingers reaching up to grab hold of his collar; where you hold him in your grasp as tight as you can. “So you better make love to me tonight like it’s going to be the last fucking time.” 

At first, Tommy seems confused, as if he had prepared an entire speech to give you on why he was going to avenge Joel but then your words process in his mind and he turns into a live wire. “C’mere.” Tommy huffs, inviting you into his arms and you accept without hesitation. 

His strong hands find your waist as he hauls you up and when your legs wrap around his waist in response, his hands slide down to your ass. He’s tilting his head up slightly and you capture his lips at the movement. Your fingers tangle into the curls of his hair while his tongue dances across your bottom lip. You groan into his mouth before you press your tongue back onto his. Lips clashing together as he carries you backwards into your shared room. 

“Tommy,” You gasp at the sudden roughness from your lover. 

You can feel his lips tilt upwards ever so slightly in a smirk as he continues to move into the bedroom. One of his hands slides down the back of your thigh, inching his way between your legs but he stops just before reaching his destination— teasing you as he walks up to the edge of the bed. 

He breaks the kiss for just a split moment as he lays you out onto the bed. Your back hits the fluff of your bed sheets but you’re not allowed to get accustomed to the comfort of your bed before Tommy’s hands are returning to pleasing you. His fingers brush along your thighs briefly before they hook around the edge of your pj pants. He bends down to meet your lips once more, just for a moment, before tenderly stealing you of your pjs. He yanks the fabric down to your thighs and off of your legs completely,  breaking the kiss to move his lips along your throat at the same time. 

“Let me take care of ya sweetheart.” He mutters against your skin as he discards your pjs onto the floor. His fingers replace the fabric, moving them along your bare sensitive thighs. Both of his thumbs press into your inner thighs as he parts them, allowing him space in between to fill— and he does so with ease. He lovingly kisses down the rest of your body while his fingers take hold of the hem of your underwear. He drags your garment down as his lips move down in time to your panties being taken off. He kisses gently into your hip before his fingers press between the folds of your cunt. Tommy moves slowly, teasing you, smirking against your skin as he continues further along his path. 

Your fingers tangle once again into curls of his hair, tugging ever so gently as he makes his way down. You adjust yourself once more, throwing a leg over his shoulder as he settles between your thighs. His lips skim over your womb, sending a shiver through your body, until his mouth settles right against the curve of your cunt.

“So pretty,” Tommy hums as he kisses your clit. His tongue flicks out, slipping between the folds of your pussy, gathering spit along the tip of his tongue and rolling it back against your core. “Always so fuckin’ pretty.” 

You tighten your grip in his hair, groaning at the feel of his tongue pressing against you and at his sweet words. God, always the type to praise you as if you were his heaven on earth. Every praise and every kiss had your heart pounding hard against your rib cage. You swear one day it’ll burst right out of your chest and into the palm of his hand, for him to have and to hold for forever. 

Tommy’s sucks against your cunt, bringing you back to reality with a whine. With your attention back on him, he continues his work on eating you out. His mouth forms sweetly over you, lapping at your gleaming cunt. Now it’s his turn to softly groan against you as soon as he gets that sweet, sweet taste of you that he loves so much. He sucks harshly once more, sending a welcoming chill straight up your spine. He groans with another slip of his tongue between the folds of your core; slurping up the slick you drool across his tongue. 

“Tommy,” You exhale his name, letting out a soft sob at the pleasure his tongue burns across your aching core. 

“Mmm yeah baby. Taste’s’fuckin’ good.” Tommy pathetically groans, giving your thighs a tight squeeze before one hand begins to slide across your warming skin. He moves to brush a thumb against your pussy, circling and edging his thumb inside your needy core— doing this again and again, not giving you the full satisfaction of fingering you just yet.  

“Don’t tease!” You whine, pulling on his hair with a pout. 

Tommy chuckles low at your words, the vibrations send yet another shiver straight up along your spine, but he finally stops teasing you. Rolling his wrist to press a single finger inside your soaked core. He flexes and curls it inside of you, drawing his finger slowly out, before pressing two inside instead. He stretches you out while his tongue laps against your exposed clit. Your thighs tremble at the stimulation, fingers tightening in his hair as your hips lift to meet the rhythm of his tongue and fingers. 

“Oh fuck!” You cry, biting down on your bottom lip to try and keep yourself from getting too loud. 

“Don’t hold your voice back baby,” Tommy demands, thrusting his fingers knuckle deep into your twitching cunt. “Wanna hear ya. Wanna hear how good I make you feel.” He adds with that damn charming smirk of his. 

Your mouth falls open at his request, allowing your moans to grace his ears once more. You whine his name as his fingers move faster inside of you. Presses deep inside while his tongue swipes across your clit. He attacks the bundle of the nerves far too well, sending lightning up and down your entire body; and with every curl of his fingers inside your soaking wet pussy, he pushes you closer and faster to the high of your orgasm. 

“Wait, Tommy!” You gasp, yanking tight on his hair. You didn’t want to come too early; wanted this moment to last the entire night. Wanted to stay here, with him, for as long as possible— or at least until the morning light of the sun would shine through the curtains of your home. 

“Mmm, yeah? Gonna come for me baby?” Tommy asks with a devious tone, knowing damn good and well what he was doing. 

“No, please! Don’t…not yet!” You gasp as one of your hands flies to your mouth as your orgasm burns into your lower belly. 

“Shh, s'alright baby doll. We got all night.” Tommy hums with a kiss against your cunt. Confirming your feelings immediately and settling you down within a second of his words. He was right, you did have all night and he has always, always treated you so damn good. “Jus’ go ahead. Want ya to come for me doll.” Tommy sweetly says, voice muffled as he presses himself back into the curve of your cunt. 

You want your body to relax but it doesn’t do as it’s told. Your muscles tense, your back arches, your pussy clenches tight around his fingers; winding yourself up like a damn spring ready to pop at any given moment. And that moment was now.

You finally snap, body trembling as your orgasm rushes through you. Pleasure numbing to the very tips of your fingers. The crash of your orgasm has you pathetically riding his tongue, fingers, face and all, entirely through your high. His name tumbles from your lips like a chant as he brings you to your first orgasm of the night. You swear the pleasure pumps faster through your entire body than any amount of blood ever does as the sensation overcomes you. Trickles of pleasure shoot to the very tips of your toes and it stays tingling across your entire body. 

Tommy groans as you orgasm; continuing to suck and slurp up any and all of your wetness that spills across his tongue. And he doesn’t stop until your body finally gives out and your orgasm comes to an end.

Just as you’re coming down from your high, Tommy is straightening up and standing at the edge of your bed. His hands grab hold of his shirt and you watch as he peels the fabric off of his body. Sometimes you forget how fucking lucky you are with a man that looks as good as Tommy does. His broad chest and shoulders, winter kissed skin, the moles you plan to place a kiss on each one, the thick of his biceps, and just every ounce of taunt muscle along his body made you fucking drool. You watch as he strips himself, discarding any clothes he had previously put on for bed; they were no longer needed in the moment; until he’s left with nothing but his boxers. Where the very outline of his cock actually makes you fucking drool. 

“Mmm there she is. There’s my pretty girl.” Tommy mumbles as he returns to you, as you return from your high, moving to hover over you once more. His hand slides to caress the side of your face and he takes a heartbeat to stare with those pretty eyes of his right into your own, a smile on his face as he presses a kiss into your forehead. 

And you know what comes next so before he can continue pleasing you, you want to return the favor first. You push a hand against his chest, stopping him in his tracks. Confusion shimmers in his gaze for a split second but he stops at your wishes. 

“Lay back and I’ll ride you.” You whisper in a soft, luring tone. 

And Tommy doesn’t hesitate for a second. He catches your lips with his, briefly making out with you once more, as his hands slide down to your waist. In one fell swoop, Tommy switches your positions around without ever breaking the kiss. His back presses into the mattress now while his hands on your waist guide you to straddle him from above. He continues to kiss you, lifting his hips to grind the weight of the front of his boxers against your soaking cunt. His fingers move down to cup at your ass once more. Where he kneads his fingers into the plump of your ass; pushing and pulling tenderly. Timing every flex and grope of his fingers with every flat rut. 

Your tongue rolls against his as your hands brush down along his chest. You travel the length of every curve and dip of his body until your fingers skim the edge of his boxers. You shimmy the fabric down slowly, teasing him now, as you smirk against his lips. Edging him slowly till your fingers wrap around the base of his hardened cock. He gasps softly at your touch, mirroring your smirk, before he plants a firm smack to your ass. 

He easily swallows the heavy groan that slips past your lips. Fingers returning to knead into the plump flesh that you know is slowly transforming into a soft red. He lays another firm smack across your sweet ass before his fingers inch their way down; finally, he gently presses a lone finger back inside your drenched cunt. A chuckle echoes from your lover as your sensitive core trembles and clenches around his finger. But you weren’t going to let him have all the fun tonight; this was for the both of you. 

Quickly, you sit up, breaking the kiss, shooting him a playful glare. “Hands to yourself, cowboy. I’m in charge right now.” You hum with your own little laugh. Watching with amusement as Tommy jerks his hands back, returning to grip at your waist. 

“Yes ma’am.” Tommy playfully teases, dawning that charming little smirk of his as he stares up at you, squeezing your waist as a reassurance. 

You sit up then, moving one hand to lay flat onto his chest, feeling the hardened muscles flex underneath your touch as Tommy gets comfortable beneath you. Your other hand stays wrapped around his stiff shaft, where you slowly move your fingers from the base of his cock to the scarlet blush of his tip. Pressing ever so gently into his most sensitive area this time, eating up his low groan that resonates deep from within his chest. You watch with an intense gaze as his body shudders at your touch. Seeing and feeling his entire body react to your touch just makes you want to move your hand a little faster; makes you want to keep him right then and there forever. 

You stroke him a little faster, thumb following the slight curve of his cock as you rush him from base to tip again and again. 

“Oh shit, baby doll…” Tommy moans at your handiwork. His brow furrows at the pleasure warming through his entire lower half. He squeezes your waist again, hips jerking ever so slightly in tune with your pace. 

You take it just a little further by pressing your slick cunt right against his shaft. The tip of his head bumping into your clit, causing you both to moan at the same time. You stroke him with the palm of your hand while you grind your pussy directly into his cock; a wave of pleasure rushes over you with each jerk of your hips. Can’t help but drool at the thought of finally getting to slip him inside. And without even having to say anything, Tommy is vocalizing your own want. 

“Darlin’,” He huffs softly, one of his thumbs stretching to rub across your lower half; right over your womb, right where you needed him the most. “Need to feel ya.” Tommy sighs, making little circles into the softness of your lower tummy. 

And that’s all he has to say. You lift up onto your knees, stretching out as far as you can, hand tightening around his base to keep him still. You line your cunt up against his cock head, groaning even at the slightest bit of friction caused by it. Your other hand strokes along his chest. “Tommy…keep your eyes on me.” You whisper, demanding his full attention.

Tommy’s head shoots up at your request; his big, pretty eyes staring directly at you. His gaze shifts along your face, trailing further and further down until he stares where the two of you meet. He sucks in a sharp breath as you begin to slip him inside of you. Biting your bottom lip, you keep your own gaze on Tommy’s bewildered face, not wanting to miss a single second of him either. Treating it as if it’s the very first time for the both of you…or perhaps the last. 

A moan tumbles from your lips as your cunt slowly swallows him up. Your pussy throbs and clenches around him as you take more and more of his own throbbing cock deeper inside of you. And as promised, Tommy never looks away. He pants, hot and heavy, gripping your hips a little tighter as you sink down onto him. You’ve only managed to the halfway point and somehow you feel so full— to the point that your thighs fucking tremble because of it. He feels deeper inside your pussy in the position, damn near kissing your womb already and you haven’t even taken all of him. 

His eyes flutter from the pleasure wrapping slowly around him; his mouth props open as his tongue tastes your name again and again. And yet it’s his burning gaze that pushes you onward. 

The wetness from your own cunt was nothing compared to him leaking precume inside of you– truly letting you know how fucking turned on he was. It helps you to keep going, thighs aching or not, you press the rest of his throbbing cock deeper and deeper; until you finally bottom out. 

“Christ, doll!” Tommy gasps when you finally manage to take him entirely; his breathing ragged at every moan that leaves his lips. He doesn’t move though, no matter how badly he wanted to in that moment, forces himself to still at your earlier request of being in charge; wanted to give you everything you could ever want. But you swore you could see that pretty vein in his neck, bulging under his skin at the restraint he possessed. Could feel the grip on your waist deepen with the promise of leaving bruises onto your skin for tomorrow morning; a keepsake.

“Fuck,” You whine as you force yourself to stay still, attempting to adjust to his size while trying to catch the breath bottoming out knocked right out of you. Jesus, was it your first time? You can’t ever remember feeling this…stuffed before. “Did you get fuckin’ bigger?” 

Tommy chuckles through clenched teeth. “Nah, you just drive me fuckin’nsane sweetheart.” He attempts to laugh again but you clench around him, forcing his laugh to end in a deep groan. 

With your breath returning, you finally allow yourself to move. Using your palms splayed out on his chest as a leverage to move; with a slow roll of your hips you slowly lift off of his weeping cock. The friction draws another pathetic babble from your lips as your seam slowly reaches the tip of his cock. 

“God, you look so fuckin’ good,” Tommy whines as he watches you lift your hips. He watches even closer as his shaft slowly reappears from deep within your throbbing, wet pussy. “Yer’fuckin’ droolin’ all over my cock baby.” Tommy notes as one of his hands quickly moves to where you two connect. His thumb strokes across his soaked shaft, gathering a mix of your slick and his precum up, pushing the wetness up into the bump of your clit. 

You shiver at his touch, glancing between the bliss twisting along his face to his thumb circling your clit and his cock stuffing you. You grab his wrist gently, lifting his hand up to your lips where you suck onto his thumb that had gathered the slick, making eye contact with him the entire time; before you thrust down onto him. You take all of his cock back inside your tight cunt in one fell swoop. 

Tommy struggles to catch his breath for a second, watching the scene unfold before him far too quickly for his liking. He didn’t know what to focus on first— you sucking onto his fingers or you sucking his cock back inside of you. 

He flexes his thumb inside your sweet mouth while his buried cock twitches inside your core. “Fuck darlin’,” He drawls, all sweet and low and warm like the sun. “You tryin’ to make me come early? Want me to fill yer’pussy up that badly?” He coos. 

You smile around the digit in your mouth, tongue caressing the underside of his thumb. You clench around him as your only answer before you begin to move. You roll your hips to test the waters. A shallow thrust that hits you deep and keeps him stuffed inside— a thrust that has him tossing his head back in pleasure with a tumble of your name escaping from his lips.

Seeing him so undone eggs you on far more than it normally does. It turns your testing waves into erratic thrusts as you hump him deep inside your needy core. Bouncing faster along his shaft where the sound of skin on skin echoes almost as loud as Tommy’s breathless moans do. He gasps and babbles, trying to say anything as you ride him so wonderfully but his voice falls short; where he can only recite a mantra of your name and every slur under the sun as you fuck his cock into your velvety walls. 

His free hand travels to grab the edge of your pj top, where he yanks it almost hard enough to rip it. “Off!” He finally blurts through his other cries. 

Desperately, you bunch the fabric up under your fingers and lift it up and over your head at his request. It’s tossed somewhere over your head and forgotten within seconds. Your hands return to his chest but Tommy now has other ideas as he slides his hands to your waist, shifting his legs up as he props his hips up. He adjusts the two of you, jerking his hips upwards. The force of his thrust drives you forward, catching yourself by laying your palms flat onto the bed beneath him. At the new angle, Tommy catches one of your nipples into his mouth, giving it a rough suck and a firm bite. His hands travel around to your ass once again as he uses your body as a leverage to now fuck into you. His mouth is too busy so he no longer speaks, just groans and grunts as he nips at your breast. He pulls at your flesh before his hips jerk forward again. Tommy piledrives into your soaking pussy with an intensity that nearly turns you into a drooling mess. You clench around him and his roughness, your lips forming his name but you can’t seem to find your voice as his cock digs deep inside of you. His tongue dances circles around your nipple as he drags your body down with his hands on your ass to meet every single thrust of his own from below. 

Just as your arms begin to tremble from holding up your weight while Tommy fucks into you; he’s flipping everything around once more. He can only take so much before his own pleasure overcomes him. The hands on your waist tighten ever so slightly before Tommy is flipping you back onto your back. He’s quick to lock your legs around his waist with a guiding hand before he lays his own palms flat on either side of your head now. 

“Can’t hold back n’more.” Tommy grunts, snapping his hips forward. He roughly fucks into you now. Using the new position and angle to move faster, deeper, and rougher as he takes back control. 

You clench hard around his cock spearing you in half, gasping, clinging to the sheets beneath you. Knuckles turning ghost white with how hard you grip onto the bed sheets. Your head is fucking spinning and you know if you don’t come back down to earth you’re going to come again; far too early and without warning. ”Tommy!” Your lips curl around his name and Tommy reacts instantly. 

He captures your lips for a moment to anchor you. Stealing your lips and your breath before breaking away to catch his own breath. He quickly places a loving kiss onto your lips one more time before returning to his position, hanging above you. 

He stares down at you, a whine catching in his throat as he maps every curve along your face. He was going to remember every freckle, mole, scar, and wrinkle on that pretty face of yours; just in case. Didn’t want to assume the worst but he had too. Had to burn this moment of heat and pleasure into his mind, so that he may carry the image of your face in this exact moment with him on his journey. Taking a mental photograph so that he’d always have you with him.

In that moment, you do the same. Remembering every single scar and freckle, to the curl of his lips, and the crinkles of his eyes as he drowns himself into the pleasure of you— until you can’t take it anymore. 

All your emotions the moment he had announced his departure for tomorrow morning bubbles up into your chest. “Oh, Tommy…” You softly cry, tears clinging to the edge of your eyelashes. Tommy doesn’t slow his pace in the slightest at you calling his name though, quite the opposite actually. He speeds up, hands planted on either side of your head as his hips roll forward to meet your own. “Promise me you’ll come back.” You sob, your voice wavering. You’re trying your hardest to hold it together now. The feelings you had tried so hard to shove down come crashing onto you like a wave. Hoping that maybe if you begged him enough, he’d return from Seattle, back into your arms, entirely unscathed. 

“M’promise.” Tommy huffs in a matter of fact tone. He bends slightly to press a tender kiss into the high of your cheekbone, kissing away any tears that may have threatened to fall. “I promise my love. I’ll come back home to ya.” He repeats, making it clear he was going to keep his word. 

And he always kept his word. 

You nod, putting your full trust into him and faith alone that he may return to you. To reassure you even further, his fingers tangle into your own; he holds your hand tightly within his grasp. 

With his reassurance, your feelings are swept to the side and the lust of your pleasure returns. 

“‘N gonna come,” Tommy grunts. His brow furrowing, sweat dripping off the high of his forehead yet his eyes remain full of love; even while his lava burning orgasm teeters on the edge. “Gonna come, so deep inside ya, yer belly’s gonna swell and yer not gonna have to worry about bein’ alone while I’m gone.” 

His sweet southern drawl lures you in like a siren and all you can do is furiously nod to his promising words. You babble and whine, gripping his hand tighter at the mention of his cum flooding inside of you, begging him without even saying a single sentence. 

“‘S’that what you want baby doll? Wanna feel me fill yer pretty pussy up?” Tommy grunts, teasing you. His accent slipping harsher into each word he utters as he edges closer and closer to his orgasm. 

You mewl at his words, too focused on your own orgasm lighting a deep rooted fire inside your womb to form words; so you just nod again. 

Whatever he wanted. Whatever he wanted. Whatever he wanted. 

The thought replays like a loop inside your fuzzy brain. Again and again like a sinful little prayer. You had hoped that maybe if you just repeated one line over and over it’d keep you conscious and tied to this moment with him; but it doesn’t really help as your orgasm that had settled low into your tummy beforehand explodes into a bright, blue, burning flame. At the last second, you manage to squeeze his hand one final time as your orgasm eats you up. Your womb flexes, your pussy clenches around him, and a silent scream clings to the back of your throat. You manage just to taste his name one more time as your hips lift with every wave of fiery pleasure burning up every end of your sensitive nerves. 

“Shit!” Tommy curses feeling you wrap so tight around him with your orgasm, stars dancing across his vision as much as they dance across yours. His hips stutter at the sudden tightness but he does his best to barrel through as the high of his orgasm hits him. “I love ya. Love ya so much baby.” Tommy mutters as his orgasm comes flooding out of him and deep inside of you. You can feel the deep rooted, warm of his cum slipping inside of you with each of his final hurried thrust. Can feel it stuff every inch of space Tommy had not been able to reach beforehand. 

And before he finishes off, he kisses you again. This time warm and simmered, like a nice bath you’ve just slipped into. Kisses you like that of a nice summer breeze, full of love and passion with the promise of returning even when fall, and thus winter, threaten to take away your sun.

You don’t stop the tears that fall this time, kissing him back as much as you can in your half-awake state. His arms fold under your back and you two stay there, him still deep inside of you even as he softens, lazily kissing each other as if the world would end right then and there if you parted. And maybe, deep down, you wished it would…so that you didn’t have to wake up without him tomorrow morning. 

But the thought is pushed off to the back of your mind as exhaustion sets in instead. You cling to him, tight and hard, entangled in the last moments of your wake; and he stays right there with you. A soft murmur of your name and the love he holds for you, sung like a lullaby, as his nose presses into your temple. 

Tommy would return. He promised it. And he always kept his promises.

@ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐑𝐀 | 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖/𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

[cillianmesoftlyyy]

Don't Ruin It | Agent Lenny Miller x fem!Reader

summary: Sexual tension comes to a head (literally) when a younger female agent (you) makes a move on her superior agent, Lenny Miller, after a successful undercover mission.

warnings: Infidelity, power-imbalance, hazy consent, praise and dubious humiliation, smut.

word count: 3,300k

ONE SHOT! Who would’ve guessed…

Taking What's Not Yours- TV Girl 🎶

That's so True- Gracie Abrams 🎵

You were partners. Partners. And he was married. Married. There were so many fucking ethical reasons why you shouldn’t but damn it all, you did. 

“I need your wire,” Agent Lenny Miller said over his shoulder as he sorted the equipment back into their cases. Your heart was still racing from the conclusion of your mission, your body was thrumming with adrenaline. You turned to face the hotel mirror and unzipped the back of your dress. When he was done with his brief task, Miller turned and after a moment of hesitation, approached you slowly. He clenched his jaw as he brushed the zipper away so that he could reach the mic-pack secured to the band of your bra. His pale fingers lingered an extra moment longer on the bare skin above and below the clasp as he pulled the pack off. He blinked his heavy eyelashes slowly, wetting his lips as he followed the wire up your back to your ear. His finger trailed over your skin, pretending to hold to the wire as his eyes glanced up to meet yours in the mirror. You removed the mic from your ear and turned back slowly to hand it to him. Miller looked down at you, still holding the pack, his heart racing too but his eyes deadly calm, keeping a level head just like a good agent would. Staring for a moment at the mic-pack, Miller finally exhaled slowly and nodded, taking the mic pack and wire. He switched the device off and looked back down at you again, face-to-face. 

You were a young agent, fresh out of training with an expertise in languages. Agent Lenny Miller was a senior agent, a typical dark, brooding type with attitude issues and a soft-spot for intelligent women. He was always arrogant, but it was because he was always right. God, it was so fucking infuriating. When he wasn’t smiling (which was most of the time), you could barely make out the beginnings of crows’ feet at each outside corner of his eyes. He was in his mid-forties, married with a son. He wasn’t technically your boss but that didn’t make it any more ethical. These were just the things you told yourself as he continued to look down at you with his pale blue eyes. 

He was standing with his feet shoulder-length apart and his jaw still painfully clenched. You reached around to the back of your dress and unzipped it all the way, your chest rising and falling quickly. Miller inhaled deeply as he saw what you were doing. Your black dress slowly slipped down your body to pool at your feet. He let himself look down at your body, covered only by your underwear. He stepped closer, just half a step, his lips falling open as he looked down at your lips. You rose onto the balls of your feet, offering your mouth but he inhaled sharply again and ran his hand over his mouth. 

Miller stepped back and turned. He walked to an armchair in the hotel room and sat down on the edge of the seat, his hands steepled. 

“Len-” you started but he held up a hand to stop you. 

“Shhh, don’t ruin it, don’t ruin it” he whispered gently and looked you over again from the chair across the room. You stood silently in your underwear for a moment until you felt brave enough to move your arms to undo your hair. Your hair fell around your shoulders and you ran your fingers through it, picking out the knots quickly. Once that was done, you looked back at the man and asked him point-blank. 

“Is it your wife?”

“Don’t ask me about her, Y/N.” He responded calmly, his hand still resting against his lips as he stared at you. You raise your chin slightly and inch closer until you're right in front of him. He looks up at you in appreciative silence, like he’s at an art gallery or the symphony. He lets you step between his knees and run your hands down the back of his head starting from the crown. His eyes close slowly and he sighs as your hands stroke his dark hair. 

“If only you knew…” you whispered as your other hand slid down his cheek. Agent Miller’s eyes opened and he smiled softly, leaning into your hand. 

“Know what?”

“How much I want you,” you answered breathlessly, your heart fluttering beyond beating. Miller chuckled in discomfort and inner turmoil. He shook his head and leaned back in the chair, out of reach of your hand. 

“You know as well as I do that we can’t do this, Y/L/N.” 

“Don’t talk like that.” You responded cooly, taking a step back as he watched you, his eyes helplessly trailing over your body. Miller leaned his chin against his closed hand, wetting his lips again as you put more distance between you. You could make out the half-hard bulge in his trousers that he tried to ignore. You two stared at each other for a minute on end, neither speaking as your eyes spoke to your individual desires. Finally, Miller sighed and reached out his hand, palm up and beckoning. 

“C’mere.”

His voice was gentle but sure, as if there were absolutely no hesitation behind his request. You waited another moment before finally stepping back between his legs. His arms opened, inviting you to sit on his lap. You sat on his upper thigh, within the cage of his arms. Miller used his other hand to pull your legs across his lap, so that you were sitting completely across his legs like a child. His open hand rubbed up and down your thigh furthest away from his chest, slipping all the way down to your calf. You looked down at him and exhaled shakily. 

“I-” he started but you pressed a finger against his lips, shushing him gently but firmly. 

“Don’t ruin it.” 

He smirked softly behind your finger and looked at your lips as you moved your head close to his. You dropped your finger and held the curve of his jaw instead, brushing your lips against his. The short stubble on his jaw tickled your fingers as you pushed them down his throat. His hand moved to hook around your waist and his lips fell open, responding to your tease. You exhaled shakily again, this time against his lips before finally kissing him. The kiss was so soft that your lips barely touched, barely moved. He looked up into your face, exhaling tightly before pulling you closer once again. You kissed again and just as softly as before. When you pulled away, you stared at each other in tense silence, the world around you was shrill like a static that separated you two from the rest of the world. 

“Do you want to stop?” You whispered, looking between his blue eyes and his button nose. He briefly pressed a finger against your lips, dismissing your question, before kissing you again. His kiss was harder, stronger, as if he’d finally made up his mind without saying so: he was going to fuck you because damn it, he wanted you so badly. His teeth caught your bottom lip and you moaned against him as your fingers found the buttons of his collared shirt. The process was slow but expertly coordinated as if you already knew each other’s bodies as well as your own. You unbuttoned his shirt, slowly revealing his undershirt once each button slipped out of its eyelet hold. He wore the same undershirts that your dad used to wear beneath his dress shirts, the ones he wore to work, the similarity brought a strange sense of comfort as your hands felt the fabric beneath your hands. 

Miller pulled you to straddle his lap so that you were completely facing him on your knees. You rested your butt on his legs, waiting patiently until his shirt and undershirt were completely removed. He held his arms over his head so that you could pull the shirt away from his bare skin. Agent Lenny Miller was by no means a largely muscular man, he’d left his field days behind him, but he was still fit, still lean and handsome. His arms were still muscular and you could feel the tension of his muscles every time he moved them around you. You sat back, ending your kiss for a moment so that you could look down at his bare chest. His pectoral muscles were tight and defined, his stomach shallow and taught. There was a dusting of freckles across his pale chest and a thin line of dark hair beneath his bellybutton. You pressed your hand against his lower stomach and felt the muscle meet your hand as it tensed. He laid his hands on the chair’s armrests and watched you with a calm expression on his face. 

You slipped off his lap and opened his legs so that you could kneel between them. He ran his hand over his lips as he watched you, his eyes glued to you. You placed your hands on his knees and rose for a moment longer so that you could run your tongue across his collarbones. You dragged your tongue up his sternum, up to his throat, and ended at his jaw with a gentle nip. He shook once beneath you and groaned softly, so quietly that you barely heard it. When you returned to the place between his knees, his lips fell open in a helpless way, as if he were stuck in a trance. When his pants were undone, you ran your hand over his now-very-hard-cock and looked up into his eyes. 

“Go on then,” he whispered, smirking softly as if he were joking. You smiled and pulled down his boxers just enough to find his erection. When it sprang free, he groaned audibly and leaned his head back for a moment. You rolled your tongue around the head slowly, relishing the taste of his precum, showing you just how much he wanted you too. Your hand gripped his shaft and squeezed gently, making him jerk his hips. He cursed beneath his breath as you moved your mouth farther onto his cock. You sucked softly, just wanting to prep him, not to make him cum. His hands tightened on the armrests, his nails digging into the red leather upholstery. You took his cock as far as you could without gagging and rolled your tongue before bobbing up and down. 

“Ah fuck, girl. Slow, slow” he praised gently and closed his eyes as you sucked. When you could hear the distinct sounds of masculine whimpers, you stopped and looked back up at him. Miller exhaled tightly and ran his hand over your hair, fixing how it fell at the side of your face. His hand dropped to your shoulder and played with the soft skin there before pulling one of your bra straps off of your shoulder. You waited as he did the same to the other strap. He sighed as you stood slowly and stepped backwards towards the hotel bed, never used. Miller removed the last of his clothes and followed you slowly, his hand reaching out for your body. You let him pull you closer and kissed him as he felt for the clasp of your bra. He undid it easily and pulled it off of your arms so that he could feel your breasts. He nearly growled as he squeezed your breasts, feeling the hard nipple between his fingers. Miller picked you up easily and laid you back on the bed. He took your knees and pulled them apart so that he could stand between them. Still kissing you, he fit his hands beneath the bands of your thongs on your hips. His hands rubbed back and forth on your love-handles, in no rush to take off your underwear. 

“Turn over, agent Y/L/N,” he muttered against your lips. 

You nodded slowly, your lips starting to feel swollen and hot. You flipped over onto your stomach and felt his hands cup your butt before pulling down your underwear. He pulled them down your knees, over your calves, and off your ankles. 

“Look at you. Good girl…” he whispered and tossed the underwear to the side. You pushed your butt up, signaling your need for him. Miller chuckled briefly in understanding and spread your knees again with his hands. With one of his hands, he feels over your wet cunt and leans over you to nip your shoulder. 

When you moan he nods, “I know, I know. Me too.” 

His long, rough fingers teased you cruelly as you bit your lip to keep from whining. 

“Miller…” you whispered after a while of waiting and teasing. The senior agent smiled and leaned closer to your ear. 

“Patience, girl. It’s an agent’s best virtue.” 

You rolled your eyes and started to respond snippily before you felt him press against you, groaning. He pumped into you, hitting your ass with each quick gentle stroke. His hand that wasn’t being used to support his body went to your chin and pulled your head to lie flat on the side. 

“How does it feel?” He asked. 

“Hhha,” you tried to speak in a small breathless voice. He moved his hand back to your hip so that he could thrust deeper. 

“Mmm fuck, you’re tight,” he panted and moved faster, harder. You cried out in pleasure and arched your back as much as you can beneath his body. “Tell me when you’re close.” 

He groaned in pleasure as he found a good rhythm, your cunt gripping his cock better than his wife ever could. You moaned loudly, nearing yelling as he held you down and subjected you to the brutal honestly of his fucking. 

He leaned down over you to rub his lips against your smooth upper back. He kissed your shoulder blade and slowed his thrusts, savoring the intimacy of your bodies. He moved his hips forward in a slow and flexed manner, straddling the line between climax and continuity. 

“Good girl. Good. fucking. girl.” He muttered, his lips still barely touching your back. 

“Shit I’m close,” you whined, your thighs shaking out of your control. As soon as the words left your mouth, Miller pulled out and picked you up by your hips. Nearly cradling you in his arms, he swapped places with you and placed you on top of his freckled upper chest. 

“Sit,” he instructed calmly, “I’ll finish you off,” he gripped your thighs, waiting for you to move onto his face. You were panting and red in the face and it took a moment for you to realize what he was asking. With another reassuring nod from him, you shifted your body up and slowly lowered yourself down onto his face. You were skeptical and awkward until you felt his tongue glide over the lips of your sex. His nose rubbed against your clit as he sucked and lapped at your cunt. Your mouth fell open and your thighs immediately reacted by quivering. You placed your hands over his, still on your thighs, and cried out. 

“That’s it,” his voice was muffled but still clear as he felt your orgasm building again, “I won’t stop you this time.” 

Your body tried to jerk away from his mouth as your climax came on fast and strong but Miller kept you close to his lips. His arms didn’t let you leave even as you writhed from pleasure. You panted loudly, whining, until you finally orgasmed. Miller felt you orgasm against his mouth and waited until you had ridden it out before letting you pull away. You moved back enough for him to sit up. You were both panting and high on pleasure which made it impossible to speak. Miller looked you up and down, his way of asking if you were ok. You nodded softly and he nodded in return. 

“You didn’t finish,” you observed breathlessly, straddling his lap as he leaned against the headboard.

“No?” He raised a brow, pretending to be ignorant. 

“No, you didn’t.” 

“You’re observant, good for you agent Y/L/N,” he responded evenly, raising both of his brows so that his forehead creased into that judgmental look he did so well. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Already did. Try again,” he tilted his head to the side slightly and nearly smirked. His biceps curled as he ran his hands up and down your arms. When you cocked your eyebrow back, calling him out on his bullshit, he sighed and resigned. 

“That was for you, not for me,” he explained calmly, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Making me finish, you mean?” You asked slowly, your brows furrowed more. 

“Yes,” he nodded slowly and pursed his lips, “that was for you. I wanted to make you come.” 

“And now what?” 

“What do you mean?” Miller asked, confused. 

“What do we do now?”

“We put on our clothes and go back to doing our jobs,” he answered with a half-hearted shrug. You scowled and shook your head. 

“No.”

“No?” He repeated. 

“You want this too, as much as you try to deny it and shame me for it. I’m not just a pity-fuck. Look me in the fucking eyes and say that you didn’t want me,” your voice dropped and you grabbed his shoulders, your fingers digging into his muscles. He held your gaze calmly but his heart beat faster. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he considered his response. Deciding against words, Miller grabbed the back of your neck and forced you into a hard kiss. You were caught by surprise and moaned tightly as he pulled you close and found your tongue to suck on, delirious with passion. His hands wrapped around you and flipped you over where you were then lying on your back beneath him. 

“Fine, how’s this? I’ll look you in the eyes while I fuck you,” he growled and helped himself inside you. Like this, you could see his bright blue eyes as he held himself up over your body. He was already grunting and panting as he started to move back and forth. Both of your mouths fell open and you cried out in more pain than pleasure at this overstimulation. One of his hands wrapped around your throat, his thumb playing with the ridges of flexed muscles as you panted beneath him. His eyes only left you once when he dropped his head to your breasts to take one of your nipples between his teeth. He didn’t press hard, just enough to make you whimper. He flicked his large tongue over your breast, teasing the nipple with quick aggressive flicks. Your back arched and he growled in pleasure against your chest as he allowed himself to feel his orgasm. He returned his head to its original position so that he could watch your facial expression as he came. His mouth was open, his lips wet and pink. His cheeks hollowed everytime he panted, hitting your hips hard with his at the same time. He said nothing as he came, just slowed his thrusts, focusing instead on going as deeply as he could. His eyes closed and he shuttered, cumming inside you. 

When it was over, Miller remained fixed above you, his grip loosened around your neck. He traced his finger up and down your throat in a strange show of affection. 

“Alright?” Miller asked in a deep, heavy voice. You nodded and ran your hand over his chest. 

“You?”

“Alright.” He nodded once. You stared into each others’ eyes, panting and exchanging hot breath. 

“Alright,” you whispered. 

Another moment of silence passed. 

“Alright,” he repeated, staring now at your lips. Slowly, Miller inched closer. Slowly, your lips touched once more. 

Alright.

[hunnylagoon]

The Girl That Time Forgot

Ellie Williams x Reader

Find me in one thousand years, I will always be waiting here.

Premise: Ellie is the only time traveller who uses her uncommon gift to rewind time and constantly pester you-the only immortal who made a deal with death in 412 BC and is cursed to walk the earth for all eternity. Forever was promised but you never knew the price.

Warnings: death / murder / mentions of suicide / self-harm / toxic relationship /sickness / violence / angst / war / mentions of drugs / lovers?friends(ish)?enemies? it’s complicated / mild gore / things get nuts

ONE-SHOT | WC 18k (so you know what you’re getting into)

AID PALESTINE!

Athens, Greece- October- 412 BC

Come back in one hundred years, you'll always find me here.

Rain splashes against the skin of your face in lands of ancient Greece, where the winds themselves whispered stories of gods and heroes, neither of which you were. You were nothing more than a frightened woman running away from an unforgiving husband in the dead of night where your quickened heartbeat falls in rhythm to the ocean which is almost as angry as the storm that roars above.

Carefully you dodge the jagged rocks sticking out from the sand, you had memorized each and every one after days of burning your skin on the shores. Water surged against the rocks near your feet, white froth sizzling in the waves retreating like it was trying to drag you in and take you for its own.

Your heavy breathing was devoured by the heavy rain and cracks of lighting, the sounds of thunder so deep it was like Zeus himself was stomping in the clouds. Despite the night being dark you trusted the moonlight that glimmered off of the ocean to guide you. You have nothing more than the soaking wet clothes on your back, jewelry to sell, and the drachmas you had stolen from your husband tucked away safely in a wool tagari purse.

Someone grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks "Hey!" They say, though you can't quite make out the figure in the dark you know it's a woman from the voice alone. "You need to go home." Fear pushes adrenaline to course through your veins at the sound of an unheard tongue babbling in your ears.

Your eyebrows furrow, clutching the bag even harder in your free hand. "Φύγε από μένα!" You scream, trying to force your voice to be louder than the malicious storm that brews over your head. You try to pull your hand away but the woman stands firm hardly even moving.

"Fuck," She mutters, you don't understand a word. In this moment you feel like a rabbit preparing to get devoured by a wolf, whoever this woman was you were shaken to your core like you had just uncovered a dead body. "I forgot that you can't speak English yet."

You struggle under the grip of the woman, using the hand which was holding tightly onto the tagari and begin to hit the woman before you to pry her off your wrist "Δεν θα πάω πίσω, τον μισώ μέχρι θανάτου!" You shout voice loud as thunder.

"Ow!" She said wrinkling her nose and trying to apprehend the hand that was hitting her "Can you stop?" She asks, even though you can't understand her it's worth a shot in her mind.

This does nothing to stop your protest, you only hit her harder hammering your purse against her head until she finally lets go of your wrist to block your swinging. Lighting cracks and just for a moment you catch a glimpse of her. Short brown hair that falls at her shoulders, and freckles across her face, something you had never seen before. What frightened you wasn't the sharpness of her green eyes but her clothes, an alien concept to you. She didn't wear a tunic but a scratchy blue fabric tight on her legs and what to you resembled a baggy grey burlap sack with a piece of cloth hanging off the back. In recent years it has come to be known as jeans and a hoodie.

"Δαίμονα, μάγισσα, φύγε!" You smack her once more for good measure and turn quickly on your sandal-covered heel to get away from her. You were as wild and untamed as the ocean itself, with eyes that sparkled with a craving for more than honey dripping down your tongue and salt smeared across your lips.

"Remember I tried to help you this time!" She shouts, her voice is so far off in the distance that you barely heard it through the storm. Even if her words were clear it made no difference, you didn't speak her tongue, and any warning fell unheard upon your ears "Have fun being twenty forever!"

You ran even faster than you had before, you didn't even turn around to see if the woman was still on your tail.

The salty spray stung your cheeks as you ran, your breath ragged and steps unsteady. The wind howled in protest, whipping at the wet hair that stuck to your face and neck, tearing at your white peplos, turned translucent on your body by the water. But you paid no heed to the fury of the elements, for you were driven by a desperate need to escape.

As you reached the edge of a rocky outcrop, your leather sandal caught on a slick stone, sending you tumbling to the ground. With a sickening thud, your head struck against the unforgiving rock, and the world around you spun into darkness.

You were dead. Body limp on the plethora of rocks, the tide slowly lulling over your body until it swallowed you whole and sucked you in deeper. Ropes of hair twist before your dull eyes, unmoving into the deep.

You sink further in and open your eyes though you are still deceased, your body still falling cold. Selene stands before you in the form of midnight. Her body was ebony and deep blue, half woman, half moon. Long black hair like ink tipped with moonlight spills down her breasts and her hips, she watches you with her pale eyes imploring.

The goddess before you turns to lead the way, enticing you to follow. Each step sends knives through your limbs. Your mouth tastes like blood and your lungs burn red hot though every time you try to breathe you choke and sputter of nothing, still, you follow Selene into the nothingness ahead.

Finally, she turns, one finger pressed to her lips, signalling you to be quiet. Beside her, a pale soldier appears in fine silver armour chiselled against his muscular body. The areas that the armour does not cover, his arms and an area of his legs between the middle of his thighs to just below his knees, tattered bandages hang around his limbs, They sway in the nothingness and shed by themselves. You see open wounds deep and red, beginning to bleed but his pasty skin sews itself up, leaving no scar behind, nothing but smooth flesh. Wings larger than the man himself sprout from his back. Thanatos.

Thanatos bows his head, hiding his deep sunken eyes beneath a Corinthian helmet. You should be afraid that you face the god of death but you aren't. This is a better fate than being hauled back to your husband.

He takes his helmet off, long dark hair falls onto his shoulders and he regards you. Thanatos is wordless as he stares at you, taking in every of your face, every curve of your body. He doesn't speak but you understand him well, too much beauty to go to waste.

Selene has left you to take her place back in the night sky, she watches you were she hangs on a beam of moonlight. In one hand Thanatos holds a silver knife. Your voice betrays you, for once your loud screeching voice is lost.

He holds out his hand, pitch black at the fingertips. You can tell he is trying to strike a deal as if he had put his words into your mind without ever even moving his lips.

You look at his hand and then at his face, death was less frightening than you had imagined, handsome for a god who took so many lives. He lets his offer sit and settle within you, he doesn't try to sweeten the deal, he offers you another chance and that is that.

The second you shake Death's hand, he pulls away from your grip and takes the silver dagger to your heart. With ease, he slices back layers of flesh in one swoop leaving your bones exposed before him. Using what seemed to be little effort for the god of death, he breaks your ribs and pulls out your heart.

You watch it beat in his hand, the blood drifting out of it like ribbons that hook around your limbs, you know you have made a mistake. For the first time, Thanatos smiles. Oh, how the wolf wore the sheep as a wicked disguise. he squeezes the heart and at the crush of his hand, you feel ice shoot through your veins.

Your eyes open, properly open. You were alone. You wake up in nothing more than a metre of water and immediately cry out in pure terror at the horrifying images that your mind has conjured up. You run through the salty ocean and back to the shore.

The storm hadn't subsided which helped to camouflage your sobs as you frantically felt around your body with shaking hands to be sure that the god of death hadn't ripped out your heart. Surely enough, your rib cage was intact. You fall onto your hands and knees heaving up all of the ocean water you had swallowed.

The purse that held your resources for escaping had either been devoured by the ocean or stolen off your body. Your wirey hands touch the back of your hand, you expect to shudder under the pain of the open wound that knocked you unconscious. Instead of pain shooting from a gash in your head, you are perfectly intact.

You look down at your hands, no trace of blood.

Maybe it was time to start believing in myths because you were in one.

Rome - July- 116 AD

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

At the center of the world, you had been buried alive for three years after switching places with a Vestal Virgin who looked remarkably identical to you in exchange you gained a large sum for your alleged death. When you were buried you hadn't thought much about how you would get out, you just knew that you wouldn't suffocate or starve.

After the second year passed you were beginning to think that offering to get enclosed in a stone tomb with bread, water, oil, a candle, and a bed wasn't a great way to live your abnormally long life. The air grew stale, and the silence of the tomb echoed with the whispers of the dead that surrounded you on all four walls.

Before sleeping every single night, you prayed to the gods to take your life but they never listened. What you once thought to be a blessing had turned out to be a curse, no blessing would make you crave death the same way you craved sunlight and cream. You had given away the gift of aging for a sweet pleasure that quickly became bitter on your tongue.

The first few moons after you had slipped into unconsciousness you truly believed it at all been some strange hallucination caused by smacking your dead until you took a steep tumble and fell on your husband's hunting knife only to pull it out of your body and watch the skin over your stomach fix itself up, leaving no evidence behind that it had ever happened aside from the blood on the knife.

All you know to do is survive.

It's not like you hadn't tried to find a way out of it, some loophole that would shatter the deal and set you free. You had 527 years to try and make some sense of it, but you had given up and resorted to trying to find a way to end your life. Every time you did that, Ellie always showed up to help but you were back together.

You didn't understand the words that came from her mouth, all you knew was that her name was Ellie and she was cursed like you. What was she cursed with? You weren't sure but she seemed a little less miserable with you.

Ellie would come into your life now and then, usually an unwelcome surprise, she always knew where to find you. The only consistent face that you've seen for 527 years. She seemed to know more about you than you knew about her.

Overhead of the tomb, you see a crack of light slip through one of the stones that sealed you in. A tremor shook the earth, and the ancient stones of the tomb began to crumble. Light spilled into the darkness as the walls collapsed around you.

Surely enough Ellie's head looked down at you. She smiles and extends a hand to help you out "Sorry I took so long, I had to time it right with the earthquake, you picked poor timing to get buried alive." She hauled you up, and you stepped over the rubble with bare feet, careless of whether you gut them on the freshly shattered stone or not, you knew that they would heal over regardless.

Despite still not understanding her tongue you were for a change, glad to see her. As you suspected, your feet had been sliced up, leading a little trickle of blood in your wake. The moment you reached the surface, you collapsed to the ground. The city was crumbling around you but they were the ones who locked you away in the first place. You ignored Ellie's unknown words and felt the lush grass for the first time in three years, the heat of the sun resting on your skin.

Beside you, Ellie wrinkles her nose. "You've definitely smelled better," This is one of the times when she dresses appropriately for the era, a toga slung around her toned figure. "Oh, I thought you might be hungry so I brought this, I know you don't have to eat but I figured it would be nice," She unfolded a piece of cloth beside her revealing a small stack of round pastries that had little brown dark spots in it, nothing you had seen before.

You furrow your eyebrows, partly in confusion, partly because your eyes were still adjusting to the light after being enclosed in darkness for three years. "Τι κοιτάζω;"

"They aren't bad I promise," She says, she had made an effort to learn Greek for you but it proved too difficult, all she knew was the odd word. "They're cookies and don't tell anyone because I'm pretty sure they don't get invented for six hundred years."

Ellie speaks freely like you comprehend every word that she says. You make a face that almost resembles a snarl as you eye her and the cookies suspiciously.

"In a few more centuries we're cool with each other," She eats one of the cookies, slowly taking a bite to show you that they were edible. The cookies are a little too good however and she eats the entire thing in mere seconds, speaking through a mouth full of crumbs "Maybe more than a few centuries," She corrects herself "It's like a thousand years and then some but you come around."

She looks once more at the confusion on your face and gives up on trying to verbally communicate, instead she just holds the cloth holding the chocolate chip cookies towards you and looking into her eyes as sharp as a wolf, you hesitantly take one.

Norwich, England- November- 1327

I can't take my eyes of you.

In the dimly lit streets of the town, where the stench of death hung heavy in the air and fear gripped the hearts of its inhabitants. People no longer walked freely around town, they were either sick and on the trek to become puss-filled corpses or they locked themselves away and observed the demise of friends and foes from their windows.

You had seen civilizations rise and fall and witnessed the ebb and flow of history itself, but nothing could have prepared you for the horror that awaited you in the plague-ridden streets of the town. As the death toll rose with each passing day, you donned the garb of a plague doctor, your face concealed behind a grotesque mask adorned with beak-like protrusions filled with aromatic herbs that helped to cover the sickly sweet smell of rotten corpses.

Armed with little more than your knowledge of ancient remedies and a desperate desire to ease the suffering of the afflicted, you ventured into the heart of the epidemic, where the sick lay writhing in agony and the cries of the dying echoed through the night like they were eating themselves alive.

"Jeez, this isn't good," Ellie appears beside you, out of thin air like she tended to do. Now she was wearing a green dress, long bell sleeves and a golden trim around the dress, she wore a white vale pushing her hair back. Though she was dressed for the time period she looked out of place in the garb of a noblewoman, surrounded by the sick and dying peasants. "I can't stick around too long because an official vaccine for the bubonic plague isn't developed until 2072."

"How many people will die from this?" You ask, voice somewhat muffled from the leather mask, stuffed with herbs.

"About fifty," She trails off "Million."

You were not a god's chosen but a god's cursed. You had already suspected her to say something along those lines. Your voice failed as you watched the searchers who had been employed by the city, dragging dead bodies off into a pit to be buried in a mass grave.

"Look on the bright side-

"There is no bright side," You turn to walk away from her, shoving Ellie into the back of your mind.

With each patient you tended to, you felt the weight of your immortality pressing down upon her—a burden too heavy to carry, yet one you could not escape. You watched as the plague consumed the bodies and souls of those around you, leaving nothing but death and apathy in its wake, a dream that this would be over soon.

Immortality was a mockery, you thought yourself to be a spectacle to the gods above, nothing more than cruel entertainment. As much as you run, you get nowhere, you always end up in the same place, watching those you developed bonds and memories with die.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, you fought tirelessly against the tide of death, your resolve unyielding even in the face of overwhelming odds. But with each passing day, her heart grew heavier, burdened by the weight of countless lives lost and the knowledge that she alone would bear witness to their suffering for eternity.

A boy on his porch cries for his mom and dad who will never be coming home, his sobs echo through the narrow streets like a wolf's howl.

As the moon cast its ghostly glow upon the desolate streets, you stood amidst a sea of bodies, your gloved hands stained with the blood of the fallen. The plague had taken its toll, claiming the lives of all those you had sworn to protect, leaving you alone in a world consumed by darkness.

Henry, a stonemason who had no family aside from his little brother now cries over his body. Sam, the young boy had been hit hard with the disease, the sores covered almost every inch of his body and turned black upon his ebony skin. You had watched every stage of his sickness, there was no cure other than comfort, the only thing you couldn't offer to Henry at that moment.

You could turn the brothers into poetry but you couldn't offer up the immortality that you carried like a cross you had to bear.

He held Sam's corpse in his arms, hugging him close and sobbing. Henry was freshly infected there was no way he would make it out alive though you weren't sure that he even wanted to after watching his baby brother's hands turn pitch black and seize up.

How strange that you, someone who was not deserving of eternal life, was the one burdened with it. People are dying and you can't get a grip.

With a heavy heart and tear-streaked face, you cast aside her mask, the symbol of your futile efforts to defy the inevitable. For in that moment, you realized that no amount of healing could undo the damage wrought by the plague, and no amount of compassion could ease the pain of those who had been lost.

You turned your back on the town that had become your prison, the echoes of its suffering fading into the night. For though you were immortal, you were not invincible—bound by the chains of your own existence, condemned to wander the earth as a silent witness to the fleeting moments of life and the relentless march of death.

Salem, America- April- 1692

Immortal she, return to me.

The paranoid colonial Massachusetts was not the place for a woman who never ages. You grew careless of covering up your secret and lived on the outskirts of Salem, seen by few but that didn't aid the treacherous rumours whispered about you.

You had been there when they settled in 1626 and hadn't aged a day from the time you settled. This had spread into rumours of you dancing with the devil, practicing witchcraft, and bewitching townspeople.

Though many denied your existence, all fingers pointed towards you when two young cousins began acting erratically and were given the diagnosis of being under an evil hand.

The courtroom was a hallowed chamber of unjust judgment, where the accused stood trial before the watchful eyes of the magistrate and the hushed voices of the gathered crowd. You stood, with your hands bound and your head held high, faced your accusers with a steely resolve, eyes burning with a fire that refused to be extinguished.

As the trial unfolded, it became clear that justice was but a mere facade—a thin veil masking the insidious machinations of those who sought to rid the town of its perceived evils. Witnesses were coerced, evidence fabricated, and lies spun like silk until the truth became little more than a distant memory lost to paranoia and skepticism. In the crowd, mixed in with the townspeople, you saw Ellie.

Her steady gaze on you was unmoving and ever-focused, a small smile played on her lips while she watched you face the accusations, anger simmering deep inside you like a curse.

Despite protestations of innocence, you were found guilty of witchcraft—a verdict as unjust as it was inevitable. With a silent prayer upon your lips, you were led to the gallows, where the noose awaited you like a taunt.

You had still been bound by your hands in front of your grime-covered dress from being imprisoned in a dark cellar for a month which felt like mere hours in your lifespan.

A man named David, one of the wealthiest residents of Salem and the first to seek warrants against the accused innocent aided you into stepping onto the back of a cart. The crowd surrounding you cheered while a church member slipped the noose tied to a tree around your neck.

"Hang the witch!" Ellie shouts and you lock eyes with her, feeling nothing more than bitterness and resentment. She still seems unfazed and somewhat amused like she's seen this a thousand times, she likely has. You know she had already watched you 'die' over and over again, Ellie was desensitized to it.

"Hang her!" Another man yells, following Ellie's act in tow. They scream all around you, jeering for your death which would never come. David and the churchman step off the wagon and the crowd gets even louder, anticipating a broken neck and lifeless eyes. David gave a command and the horses pulling the wagon were off, leaving your feet to flail helplessly over nothing.

Even as the rope tightened around your neck and the crowd jeered and spat their curses. Though you couldn't die the pain of the rope restricting your breathing still ran you ragged. For just a brief moment you pretend to die, and those around you cheer. There is so little hesitation in their voices, they were glad to see you dead.

You begin to thrash around, kicking your feet. When the townspeople realized you weren't deceased their cheers of victory fell into silence as you coughed and sputtered on the build-up of saliva and blood choking you. An eery silence falls upon the land while they watch in horror, waiting for you to die. Ellie bites back a smile from where she watches you. You bring your hands, bound together by the wrist to reach up and grab the rope that you hung by. Gathering all the force you can you yank it harshly, over and over again until it finally snaps and you fall to the ground.

David's face falls completely. You had known him to not truly believe in witchcraft but the murder of innocents and threatening women. The look in his eyes when he saw you stumble to your feet. "Witch!"

"Ay, I am the witch!" You shout, the townfolk backing away. You slip your hand where the rope strangled your bent neck, the moment the noose comes loose you pull it off over your head, holding it in one hand. In only seconds the broken bones in your neck heal and you bring your head up, chain raised tall, the wound where the rope dug into your neck disappearing "I am older than your oldest god, I am more ancient than the winds, and more sacred than your cross." You say, only to frighten them.

"Kill her!" David shouts to which no one answers, they are either running or frozen in terror, saving themselves before anyone else.

David isn't fast enough to run, you grab him by his hair and drag his struggling body back beneath the tree where he had hung you. In the blue hour of the day, you hooked the severed noose around his neck and began to walk, dragging his trashing body back to your home on the outskirts of the town. David's body eventually fell limp, still, you dragged it over the rocks and lumps of cobblestone. You had succeeded in making him as afraid of you as you were of him.

You were the first woman who hung in the trials, far from the last. "Headed west now?" Ellie asks, walking beside you, utterly unfazed by what she just witnessed.

Boston, America- March- 1770

In the darkness I will meet my creators, they will all agree that I'm a suffocator.

In the cobblestone streets of colonial Boston, where the talks of revolution were murmured, propaganda poured. There you resided, someone once worshipped as a god whose true name had long been forgotten by history.

But amidst the fervour of the American colonies on the brink of rebellion, you found yourself drawn to the heart of the struggle after the church bells had been rung sending confused people onto the streets covered with snow and out of their homes.

It was on the night of March 5, 1770, that tragedy struck with a swift and merciless hand where a pull of a trigger would be written into history textbooks—the night of the Boston Massacre. As tensions between the colonists and the British soldiers reached a boiling point, you stood amidst the thronging crowd.

The air crackled with tension as the soldiers, emboldened by their orders to maintain order at all costs, faced off against the angry mob, assaulting them with snowballs, chunks of ice and oyster shells for hours on end. With shouts and hollers ringing through the night, protesting the raise of tax brought by King George.

Before the rage-filled crowd stand nine English soldiers holding their ground while the mob grows more and more impatient. This had started when a wig maker apprentice got in a spat with a private stationed outside of the customs house who in turn clobbered the boy with his musket.

The eight soldiers and the captain endure the jeers of the crowd led by Crispus Attucks. The Captain, Preston, refused to fire upon the crowd though as he commanded them from the front, in the line of fire.

You push your way up through the crowd, interweaving through hundreds of people. You watch the nine men stand tall against the sea of angry colonials. One of the men is hit hard in the head with a jagged rock, he falls back to the ground his musket clattering neck to him, just then, behind them in the darkness shouts a voice "Fire!"

With little to no hesitation, the man who fell over quickly scuttles to his feet, firing into the darkness of the evening. Then, in an instant that seemed to stretch into eternity, the first shot rang out—a deafening explosion that shattered the silence of the night and sent shockwaves rippling through the crowd. The other men follow, firing a volley one at a time. Beside you, you hear the thuds of heavy bodies hitting the ground, you don't have much time to process it before a bullet lands right in your head, the bullet finds its mark, striking you down with a force that seems to rend your immortal body asunder.

For a moment, time stood still—the world around you spinning in a dizzying blur of pain and confusion. "Hault!" Preston the captain orders, the soldiers cease fire at his command, confused as they believed him to be the one who ordered fire.

You used the rising surge of anger and fear emanating from the people around you to disappear into the crowd. Men grew even more angry at this, some dispersed but many stayed put. There were only a few women in a horde of hundred, it was difficult to go unnoticed with a bleeding gash on your head, you looked more monster than human, skin on your face replaced by a mass of flesh and blood. You brought your hands up to rest on the top of your head, arms out in front of you to cover what was once your face so your already scared neighbours wouldn't see a breathing corpse.

You stumbled around on your feet, pushing yourself through the mass of people, all moving in your opposite direction, making it harder for you to keep your head down. "Is something wrong?" A woman asks, you disregard her, shoving her away from you to keep moving. Your head rang with a high-pitched whistling, echoing through your brain, and you could hardly see straight with the one eye you now had, eyesight fuzzy. Each person ahead of you blurred into the next, blood gushing down your face, so much that it trickled into your eye and tinted your vision.

The wound wasn't clean by any means, not a neat through and through. The gunshot had got you right up the cheek and into your forehead, half of your face entirely blown off. The close impact of the shot caused your right eye to burst, you were scrambling away with no face and one eye.

Already you could feel your body working to put itself back together, still blood flowed down from the horror that was your face, down your neck to soak into your stay and your once grey skirts. You leave a trail of blood in your wake, dripping into the snow that is sure to be found my morning.

At last, you finally pass the crowd, though you don't stop. You stumble into the dark streets, running until you tumble on cobblestones slick with snow and slush, eyesight heavily impaired. "You've seen prettier deaths," Ellie sucks a breath through her teeth, she isn't in the dress that a woman would wear in that decade, instead, she's clad in a red coat, the uniform of a British soldier, her hair tied up and tucked beneath a black cap that all of the soldiers adorned.

She stretches her hand out to help, you take it. Instead of being gracious that she came around to help you off the ground, you take a swing at her face, and when your face makes contact with her cheek you hear a crack. Ellie takes a step back, shocked as you haven't hit her since the night you first met, 2181 years prior to that moment. "Why would you scream fire?" You cry. The second you heard the voice, you knew it was Ellie though you hadn't had time to process it before your face was blown off. "Those men are dead, Ellie, they will never go home to their families or take another breath!"

"They die anyway," She retorts, one hand hovering over her now broken cheekbone. You look at her now, your skull re-intact, eyeball sewn itself up and found its place back in your socket, flesh weaves and stretches over your bones to its rightful place. "Fuck," Ellie mutters, wincing as she touches to fingers to her newfound injury "The second that soldier gets hit with that rock, he gets back up and starts shooting, every single time."

You freeze "Every single time?" The very moment the words fall from your lips, Ellie curses herself "How many times have you been here, on this day?"

"Maybe like," She raises an arm in defence the other still cradling her cheek as she winces"Thirty-seven times give or take."

"You've never stopped it?"

"I have," She says, eyebrows furrowing with a certain longing "It ruins everything, if those men don't die, the American revolution never takes place." Ellie's gaze softens "I know that it's awful but it happens whether you're here or not, it was meant to happen."

Ellie reaches out to hold one of your blood-covered hands, but you are quick to retract it, pulling it away. Your eyes move from where her hand waits for yours to intertwine with it to her freckled face. "How many lives have we lived together?"

Her outstretched hand falls to her side. "I don't want to answer that."

"I want to know."

She shakes her head "You'd hate me."

"I already hate you," Your mouth acting faster than your head.

Ellie doesn't seem shocked by this statement, just a little hurt. "We've had good lives together, you don't hate me every time."

"Who have I been to you?" You ask, new questions surging through your scrambled mind, questions you were sure you wouldn't like the answer to. You knew Ellie had the ability to jump between time periods, though you hadn't known that she'd met you in other timelines.

Looking deep into her downturned eyes your mind runs rampant with who you could've been to her in other timelines that defined what you meant to her now. It was like trying to recall memories that didn't belong to you, but another version of yourself- what could've been.

The hushed silence finally dissipates when Ellie opens her mouth again "I'll see you in a hundred years." With that, she turns and walks away into the darkness, her body shrouded by the cold night where screams of the freshly dead hang in the winds like sickening howls.

Nebraska, America - June - 1883

I'll be seeing you.

"Not a bad place to camp, huh?" Tommy smiles at us while the sun blazes overhead, the group disregards him as they set up camp in a grassy clearing with just enough trees to offer shade to the overworked horses. Few pitched tents while the majority prepared for a night of sleeping under the clear sky, unprotected from the elements.

His question falls upon deaf ears "What's in Montana?" Another man, Issac asks. "We're going all this way and I want to know what I've uprooted my life for."

"Untouched land, you'll be a rich man." Tommy takes the cowboy hat off the top of his head, using it to fan himself off, protesting the sweltering heat that devoured him whole beneath layers.

You eye him, unsaddling your horse, Shimmer. You were in a group of people headed to settle in Montana, many of whom you had never spoken to and didn't necessarily want to. The only ones who you had properly known were the Miller family, Maria had been the one who told you about the trip initially, telling you they needed more gunslingers. With a face that doesn't age, a decade was getting a little too long to stay in Cody and here was your offer to get away.

Joel was speaking in hushed tones to his daughter, Sarah. She was nodding along to each word her father said, you had guessed it was a set of rules, him telling her not to run off or chase down wild animals.

You shower your sweaty chestnut horse with little pats and scratches, and she gives you a snort in response as you begin to wipe away the grime she's accumulated over the day's journey. Your entire life was packed away into two saddle bags, there wasn't much room for luxury in the Wild West. Times were harsh and lands were rugged, more commonly violent than anything you'd ever seen.

As you move in front of Shimmer to pet her soft face, she sneezes on you, reverberating on the rubber lips. You scrunch up your nose, and bring your sleeve to wipe your face "You're lucky you're cute," You mutter, hearing the sound of giggling and looking to find Sarah "Hey little lady."

"Hi," Her accent was thick, she came straight from the heart of Texas. Sarah was still young, the things you knew about her dad were only what she had told you, oversharing their personal life.

"Leave her alone now," Joel walks up behind Sarah, her wide eyes looking up at him.

"I don't mind, Joel," You answer. "I saw some sour cherries by the river if you care to come pick 'em with me," You say looking at Sarah whose head immediately shoots to her dad "As long as your father says it's okay."

Sarah silently pleads with her daughter, his gaze is still cold like steel. "Maybe tomorrow," He answers and Sarah's face drops. Despite knowing the Millers for months, Joel was always iffy about letting Sarah out of his sight. He knew almost as well as you how vile the world was, especially to young girls.

"Maybe tomorrow," You repeat Joel's words, digging around in your saddlebags for a small wicker basket and cloth to spread out at the bottom "I'll see y'all around," You give the pair a nod before heading down the bank.

The walk was quick and scenic if you ignored the overwhelming heat and the entirely too many layers you were sweltering beneath. You closed your eyes and let your spirit lift with the sounds of rustly grass and the flowing river nearby. The air was thick with the sweet smell of wildflowers mixed with an earthy bitterness from the ground beneath your feet.

You walked towards the tree, carefully plucking ripe cherries. They reminded you of the same ones you once picked back in Greece, as you ate them the juice smeared down your lips you laughed with your sibling, pretending that you had been blood drinkers or angry gods drinking the wine that was poured for them.

You often find solace in reminiscing over all of the people you have been in the span of one lifetime. You've been a wife, doctor, witch, god, poet, farmer, handmaiden, dressmaker, priestess, and now you were just a woman picking cherries and planning out her next facade. What awaited you in Montana? Hopefully somewhere peaceful, a cabin by a stream where you could live alone and lay outside in a grassy meadow, waiting for the sun to swallow you whole.

After filling the wicker basket, almost to the brim with small sour cherries, a little larger than the end of your thumb. You turn to walk back to the campsite, though you pause at the incline of the riverbank and decide against it, instead, you find yourself sitting under the shade of the cherry tree, staring to the other side of the riverbank.

You thought that you could've spent the rest of eternity under that cherry tree where you listen to the songs the earth sings for you. Here, the air is clean. The river itself was a sight to behold, a ribbon of shimmering blue that wound its way through the landscape, its waters sparkling in the sunlight like a thousand diamonds. Here and there, small ripples danced across the surface, creating patterns of light and shadow that played upon the sandy riverbed below.

Someone sits next to you, you can sense them awkwardly shuffling around to try and get comfy, from that alone you knew it was Ellie. "Hi, it's been a while," You say, voice quiet.

"Hey," She takes a cherry out of the wicker basket beside you, she bites into it, juice dribbling down her chin, nose scrunches when the sour taste hits her tongue. "Fuck, that's sour."

"They're supposed to be, they're sour cherries," You look at her face to see a large dark bruise engulfing one of her cheekbones, it spreads under her puffy eye bag, giving her a real shiner over her eyelid. "What happened to your face?"

"You," She says, pressing her lips together "After the Boston massacre you hit me pretty hard, remember?"

Your eyebrows furrow "That was more than a hundred years ago."

"For you," She corrects "It's been a little under a week for me."

Your gaze shifts to the glimmering river in front of you "That must be nice," That familiar sense of bitterness set in once again, the reason why you could never stomach being around Ellie for too long. She could blip in and out of your life as she wanted but you were the one forced to sit through thousands of years of torment and longing for the sweet release of death that taunted you in mirrors and the eyes of those who thought they knew you well.

She falls short of words to say. In your eyes it was nice, in her eyes, she faced the woman whom she had married in another life who held nothing more than a little resentment for her now.

"I am sorry that I hit you," You mutter, spitting out the pit of a cherry beside you. "You did cheer for the colonials to hang me though."

"And I am sorry about that," Ellie rolls the stem of a cherry between her fingers, more focused on it than any of her beautiful surroundings. She had seen every bit of scenery that there was to see, her favourite was seeing the dinosaurs, they were much more scary in person than they had been "At least you're an urban legend now."

"What's it matter to be an urban legend when you've already been a god?" You say "It just does not get more interesting than that."

"Yeah, watching you eat your own heart in front of terrified ancestors was pretty cool." Ellie flicks the cherry stem into the river, watching it get swallowed and pulled away by the currents "I'm glad you aren't still mad at me, if I were you I'd probably have a knife to my throat by now."

"I think I'm finally getting wise after two thousand three hundred four years," You joke, digging your teeth into the flesh of another cherry.

"What? You don't look a day over one thousand," She teases, a smile ever so slightly playing on her face.

"Thanks, I was worried."

"Don't be, you look great for your age."

She was joking, her tone light-hearted but something inside you breaks just a little more. You look at your hands, not a wrinkle or callous, no sign of the exciting and extremely terrifying life you had lived, just smooth young skin stretched over ancient bones.

You should've been nothing more than a skeleton buried beneath centuries-old rubble and flora by now. "Yup."

Ellie fiddled with her hands, trying to think of something else to say, she didn't want the conversation to be over just yet. She clung to every word you spoke like it was scripture and she was the most devoted follower. "What are you gonna do in Montana?"

"I think you know better than me," You answer, eyes focused on the water glittering in the blistering sunlight, beads of sweat resting on your brow. "Care to share?"

"Can't say."

"How come?"

She shrugs "I don't think you want to know."

"Well, how many times have I travelled with this bunch?"

"I've lost count," Ellie lies through her teeth, she knew every statistic, she had turned back time to the ancient cities 872 times to be with you. It slowly got easier to face you every time though it never replicated the love you had that first time, a high Ellie was forever chasing.

"Oh," You respond, leaning against the trunk of the cherry tree, sinking into yourself.

The silence stretches between you two. You had actually missed Ellie in the century that she disappeared completely; you found yourself waiting for her to show up around a corner and say something to annoy you.

After swallowing back another cherry in silence you open your mouth to speak "Ellie, whatever I meant to you, whoever I was, I need you to know that I'm not that girl-

"I know-

"I don't think you do," You say, discarding the stem of the cherry beside you "I need you to forget about any life we had together, at least until you get bored of this one."

"I don't get bored of it, I could never get bored of you," She answers.

"Then why start all the way from the beginning over and over again?" You ask "Just to watch me beg for death?"

Ellie shakes her head "I just can't let go of you." She listens to herself "I guess you're right, I'm holding onto someone who doesn't exist anymore." You watch the realization strike Ellie, with each rapid blink her eyes get more and more watery "I'm sorry, I know it's selfish."

"It is," You answer, feeling no urge to coddle "I'm not her, I know that you loved me but I don't remember what you used to be to me. I'm sure I loved you a lot, but I doubt that I do every single time."

Ellie nodded, using the heel of her palm to wipe at the tears that threatened to spill "Okay," Her voice hardly above a whisper "Just see this life through and I promise I'll fix everything, you live a good life, I promise." You stare at her blankly for a moment before nodding. She must know what waits for you in the future, something sweet perhaps, like sugar resting on the tip of your tongue. "I'll always hold you close but I'm learning you let you go."

"I appreciate it," You say, the ghost of a melancholy smile on your face.

The heat of the day finally disappears into the coolness of night and with that, Ellie disappears too, likely to be seen in another year.

The night was draped in the thick, velvety darkness that you only got in the west, where the only illumination came from the crackling flames of a campfire. Around it sat your sorry crew of companions, their weary faces highlighted by the flickering light, casting shadows that danced across the rugged landscape. They had ridden hard all day, herding cattle across vast plains and navigating treacherous terrain, but now, as they rested under the vast expanse of the starry sky, they sought solace in camaraderie and laughter.

"Y'all hear the one about the preacher who walked into a saloon?" Tommy began, his voice gravelly from years of dust and tobacco. Several others in the group had already called it a night, resting their heads beneath the stars that hung in the ink black sky.

The others leaned in, eager for the punchline.

"He says, 'I'm lookin' for the man who's been sleeping with my wife!' And a fella at the bar stands up and says, 'You'll have to narrow it down, preacher!'" The group erupts into bellowing laughter at his words and you can't help but smile at the pure joy written on these gruff men's faces.

"Alright, alright, I got one more for ya," Wyatt announced, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. He was an unnerving man from the looks of it, tall and intimidating but after the first day you had spent with him, he treated you like a baby sister, ready to go to war for you at the drop of a hat. The others perked up, their interest piqued by the promise of one last ribald tale."So there's this rancher," the cowboy began, "and he's got himself a problem with his bull. See, this here bull is getting up there in years, and he just ain't performin' like he used to."

A ripple of knowing laughter spread through the group, anticipation building for the punchline. Joel sat beside you, he had no interest in the jokes nor did he find them funny, all he got from it was a small detox from his life of overworking himself into exhaustion.

"Now, this rancher, he's heard all kinds of remedies for puttin' a little pep back in a bull's step," the cowboy continued. "But none of 'em seem to do the trick. So he finally decides to consult the local veterinarian."

The rest leaned in, hanging on every word.

"The vet takes one look at the old bull and says, 'I got just the thing for him. There's this new experimental treatment I've been workin' on. It involves a little bit of whiskey.'"

The campfire erupted with uproarious laughter, the group hooting and hollering at the unexpected twist, it ws far from the funniest joke you had ever heard, still, you laugh. Some slapped their thighs, others doubled over with mirth, and a few wiped tears of amusement from their eyes.

"And you know what?" the cowboy concluded with a grin. "After that little glass bottle was emptied, that ol' bull was buckin' like a bronco."

As the laughter at last subsided, the fire crackled softly as men began to say their goodnights and lull for the night. They sat in comfortable silence, their thoughts drifting to the vast expanse of the frontier and the challenges that awaited them come dawn and dreams of the promised land of Montana.

"Y'know, fellas- and madams," Wyatt addresses you and Maria, "We've been tellin' jokes and carryin' on like a pack of fools, but there's somethin' to be said 'bout the bonds we share out here on the range," he began, his husky voice tinged with sincerity.

The others nodded, aside from Joel who was studying the fire in front of him, tuned out from the conversation.

"I reckon there ain't nothin' quite like the brotherhood of the trail," he continued. "We ride together, we work together, and when the chips are down, we stand together. Through thick and thin, come hell or high water, we got each other until death takes us all." Wyatt takes another swig of his moonshine "We may come from different walks of life, but out here, under these stars, we're all just cowboys," the cowboy mused. "And there ain't no bond stronger than that."

"That ain't true," Issac poked up "I know that not one of us will see each other once we get to Montana, we're all goin' our separate ways."

"Don't mean there's no bond," You peep up.

"How's that?"

You shrug "Your heart is just too young to realize."

The group stops for a moment before erupting into ragged laughter, Tommy almost has tears in his eyes at the fact that you had called the man seemingly 15 years older than you young "Kid, you're too young to realize how bad life gets."

"Sounds about right."

Cape Cod, America - May - 1937

To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels.

In the hazed ambiance of the club, the air reverberated with the lively tunes of Duke Ellington, and the floor pulsed with the infectious rhythm of swing. Amidst the whirl of dancers, there you were, dancing so exuberantly that others backed away in fear of you swinging on them; though that was the nature of swing dancing, almost a fight to keep your nose unbroken.

But even the most seasoned dancers could only keep up for so long. As the night wore on and the music continued to play, you found yourself in need of a moment's reprieve. With a smile still lingering on your lips, you tapped your partner, Richard's shoulder, signalling your desire to take a break. You hadn't known him well by any means but he was a good dancer.

Leaning against the cool plaster of the club's wall, you breathed deeply, chest rising and falling in time with the music. You closed her eyes, savouring the lingering sensations of the dance. Little did you know, your moment of respite was about to be interrupted in the most unexpected yet delightful manner.

A voice, smooth and warm, broke through the cacophony of sound around you. "Mind if I join you?" the voice asked, accompanied by a gentle tap on your shoulder. Opening your eyes, you found yourself face to face with a strikingly handsome man, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. His black hair parted to the side and slicked over as well as his dark eyes soft as snow added to his undeniable charm.

A bemused smile tugged at your lips as you nodded, welcoming the interruption. "Not at all," you replied, voice carrying a hint of amusement.

With a casual elegance, the man leaned against the wall beside you, his gaze drifting out across the dance floor. "You're quite the dancer," he remarked, his tone tinged with admiration. He was wearing a white button-up tucked into pinstripe trousers being held up by black suspenders.

"Thank you. I've had a good bit of practice." You smile softly "Your name is?"

"Jesse," He answered "Care to tell me who I'm talking to?"

"Midge," you lie, it was the name you had picked up for your residence in Cape Cod.

"Midge," he repeats smiling as the name rolls off his tongue "You might just have the prettiest smile in Cape Cod."

You can't help but grin "And I thought I had already met all of the gentlemen around these parts."

"Must've been wrong," He said with his crooked smile. Then, after a moment's pause, he extended a courteous offer. "Can I buy you a Coke? It's the least I can do for such a captivating dancer."

You couldn't help but be charmed by his sincerity and manners. With a twinkle in your eye, you nodded in agreement. "I would like that very much."

Your conversation flowed effortlessly as you sipped on your cokes, exchanging stories and sharing laughter amidst the ringing of the club and chatter of individuals all around. With each passing moment, the two of you scrambled for things to talk about, desperate to keep the spark of conversation alive. You had just prayed that you could pull yourself away from his magnetic charisma.

As the night wore on, the music gradually began to fade, signalling the end of another unforgettable evening. Reluctantly, you rose from your seat, a sense of disappointment tugging at your heart while you watched Jesse lean back in his chair studying you like a textbook.

"Well, it looks like the night's coming to an end," you remarked, a wistful smile gracing your lips.

Jesse nodded, his expression mirroring her sentiment. "Indeed it has," he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of hopefulness. "But perhaps it's just the beginning of something new?"

"Perhaps," You agreed, gaze lingering on his handsome face.

That was when you had broken the only rule you created for yourself 'Don't fall in love'. One year later you were so head over heels for Jesse that you were getting married. Dressed in your floor-length wedding dress, hair carefully curated after spending hours trying to perfect it.

You hadn't any family to fill up your side of the aisle, so instead you had asked your friends from work and the jazz club to take their places. After telling Jesse you were orphaned, he didn't bat an eye at this. You had frantically searched for someone to fill the shoes of your father who walked the earth centuries prior on the shores of Greece, it was a relief when Jesse's father stepped up.

Walking down the aisle of the church, arms hooked with Jesse's father you see him then, standing at the end waiting for you and he looks like the rest of your life. "You clean up nice," You mutter to Jesse quietly to be sure no one else can hear your little remark.

"I try my best," He smiles, hands in front of him as he waits patiently for the pastor to speak up. He looks handsome as the day you met as you look remarkably the same, not a new scratch or wrinkle upon a single inch of your skin.

As you exchanged vows, the both of you unable to fight the wild smiles on your faces, the world seemed to stand still, as if holding its breath in anticipation. With each word spoken, you pledged your love and devotion to one another, promising to stand by each other's side through all the joys and challenges that life would bring and you meant every word.

The reception was nothing short of perfect in your eyes. Everyone gathered at Jesse's parents' home, flowing in and out as they pleased. You however preferred the outdoors aspect of it, where people chatted happily with a glass of champagne in hand.

"Congratulations," Ellie says "Little bummed that I didn't get an invite," There's an odd sense of bitterness in her voice. She's wearing a blue tulle dress at tea length, blending in perfectly around the other guests, long white gloves to cover the tattoo on her forearm, and she even had her shoulder-length hair pin-curled.

"I figured you would be coming around either way."

"You know me too well," She takes the champagne flute out of your hand and swallows it back.

"You're actually the one who knows me too well."

She nods, faces expressionless while she looks around at the scenery of the yard. "Good luck."

"I'm sorry?" You furrow your eyebrows trying to seek out some tell on Ellie's face that would give you any indicator of what's racing through her head. Still, she's unreadable.

"With your marriage."

"Okay?"

"What's the plan here anyways?" She asks picking up someone's glass of wine the second they place it down on the garden table and turn their head away. "In thirty years, you're still married to Jesse, he's sixty getting wrinkly and you're still young and beautiful?"

As Ellie goes to drink the wine you take it out of her hands, putting it back on the garden table. You think of something to say to her, anything, but the words die in your throat, shrivelling up, never to be said.

"I will say that you becoming a history teacher is very funny."

"Did you just come here to sulk?" You ask.

She shakes her head slightly "I've come here to celebrate your union," Ellie glances around the yard once more.

"Then celebrate," you throw your hands out "I don't see you doing anything other than slinking around."

"Honey, who's this?" Jesse strolls up beside you, putting one hand on the small of your back. He smiles brightly as he looks at Ellie, he has known all of your friends which wasn't a bountiful number to begin with, just other teachers you worked with and some people you danced with.

"Oh!" You force a smile onto your face "This is my old friend from New Orleans, we really have some catching up to do."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jesse," He holds out his hand.

"Ellie," She says shaking it.

"When did you become friends?" He asks "Midge hasn't told me a whole lot about her school days."

Ellie looks at you, she doesn't say anything but you get the message being conveyed. 'What the hell are you doing?' she shifts her eyes to look at the groom "God this one was just wild, keep an eye on her," Ellie forces a fake laugh.

"Really?" He has that goofy lopsided smile painted on his face as he looks at you.

"Yup," Ellie says "So, when are you planning on having kids?"

"Oh," Jesse chuckles, somewhat nervously "We haven't discussed that much."

"It seems like something you should talk about before getting married-

"Thank you," You cut her off "Ellie," You couldn't stand the idea of outliving your child let alone your husband, though it was already an inevitable fate.

"Of course," She's wearing a smile that is bordering somewhere between penitence and condescension, Ellie's looking at you like you're in the gutter.

"Looks like rain," Ellie glances up at the increasingly greying sky before walking inside the cover of the house. "Bad idea," She whispered in your ear as she brushed past. In mere moments after she enters the house thunder cracks and rain dumps from the sky, heavy and harsh, beating against your skin.

Everyone rushes inside, covering their heads as rain showers and soaks them. You and Jesse are frozen, you watch Ellie's figure retreat into the group of people clamouring into the house while Jesse's eyes are trained on you, he can't hold back a laugh.

"Oh no," Jesse's eyebrows furrow as he takes one of your hands in his own and puts the other on the back of your head, staring at your face, makeup running from the rain, hair weighed down by fat droplets dribbling off your collarbone "You spent so long on your hair, what are you gonna do?"

You shake off Ellie's words, cryptic as usual. Your attention snaps back to Jesse once you can no longer see her. The gentleness of his touch, that is his beauty "I'm not sure but I've got half a mind to kiss you," You giggle.

"Yeah?" He takes a step forward "I like that half," Jesse plants a gentle kiss on your lips "The other half is great too."

"You're so odd."

-

It was a quiet Saturday evening in the summer of 1943, the echo of a fuzzy-sounding record player scraping a vinyl filled the room, enveloping you in a certain tenderness.

Jesse, in his crisp white shirt and neatly pressed trousers, held you close, his hand resting gently on the small of your back as they moved together in perfect harmony. Your hair cascaded softly around your face as you rested your head against Jesse's chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat matching the cadence of the music.

As you danced, the cares of the outside world didn't seem to exist, leaving only the intimate space you shared. The faint scent of your flowery perfume drowned out concerns. In the dim light, your shadows danced on the walls. Jesse had never been the better dancer between you though he was particularly tense on this night, his eyebrows were stuck furrowed like every thought running through his head was a worry.

The final notes of the song faded into the stillness of the night, Jesse hesitated, his embrace tightening around you as if reluctant to let you go. Sensing his unease, you looked up at him, concern etched in her features.

His unease wasn't difficult to sense, you pry yourself away from him to take him in completely. "Jesse, what's wrong?" You asked softly, voice barely above a whisper.

Jesse took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew he had to say. He held you at arm's length, his eyes searching over your features. "I've been drafted. I received my notice this morning." His voice trembled just the slightest as he took a shaky breath.

Your heart skipped a beat, breath catching in her throat and you thought that this must be what death feels like. For a moment, the world seemed to spin out of control as the weight of Jesse's words sank in. Six years with Jesse was not enough, you needed an eternity.

"We can find a doctor to exempt you-

"You know that's not right," He spoke so softly and you knew he was speaking the truth. You could never convince Jesse to do something as heinous as faking some disease or injury to get him out of the war.

"I know," You say and he steadies himself, staring deep into your eyes and through your soul "My whole life, all I've ever known is loss and I have never cared about anything the way I care about you-

He pulls you forward into his arms, rubbing that familiar calloused hand on the small of your back to soothe you "It's all gonna be alright, love, I'll be back before you know it and then it's smooth sailing for the rest of our lives."

You copied the crook of his neck, the warmth of his arms, the curve of his nose to memory. You caught all that you could before it slipped through the empty gaps of your mind. You hadn't realized that he had been doing the same, memorizing the smell of your perfume, the texture of your hair, the way your eyes caught the light.

He told you to look to the future when he finally walked back through that door and you could dance again but the only thing you could see was the end of the world, starting with you saying goodbye to him.

July 12, 1943

My Dearest Love,

I hope this letter finds you well and in high spirits. It's been quite some time since I last wrote to you, and I apologize for the delay. The days here in Europe seem to blend into one another, filled with moments of both intense action and serene contemplation.

As I write this letter, I find myself missing you more and more. You are what keeps me going through these harrowing and relentless days

Please know that you are always in my heart, my love. No matter where I may be, you remain my constant source of hope and inspiration. I dream of the day when this war is finally over, and we can be reunited once more, never to be parted again.

Until then, stay strong, my love. Know that I am fighting for you, for us, and for a better tomorrow. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as I do for you each and every day.

With all my love,

Jesse

December 18, 1943

My Dearest Love,

As Christmas draws near, my thoughts turn to you more than ever. I find myself reminiscing about the holidays we've shared together, specifically the weekend we spent at the cabin. How I long to be by your side once more, to hold you close and celebrate the season of peace and goodwill together.

But even amidst the turmoil of war, I see you in every good thing. Here in the trenches, my comrades and I have found solace in each other's company, we are united in our common humanity and our dreams for a home cooked meal.

I am reminded, now more than ever, of the importance of compassion in times of strife. It is love that sustains us, that gives us the strength to endure even the darkest of days. And though we may be separated by miles and oceans, our love remains as strong as ever.

As I write this letter, surrounded by the sounds of gunfire and the cries of my fellow soldiers, I find comfort in the knowledge that you are thinking of me, just as I am thinking of you. Your love is my guiding light,

This Christmas, as you gather with our loved ones know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Though we may be apart in body, our spirits are forever intertwined, bound together by the enduring power of love.

Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May the coming year bring us closer to ending this war.

With all my love,

Jesse

March 19, 1944

My Dearest Love,

The world is now brighter than the sun because you're here, that is why I will remain giving you everything that I have.

I have been looking at the moon over and over again and wondered if you stare at it the same time as I do, please say yes. I think the battlefields are turning me into a poet, I would love some critique from a wordsmith such as yourself.

Everything here is frightening (redacted)

In light of the events I've just shared, I am looking forward more than ever to waking up and saying good morning to the sleepy woman lying next to me, that's you if you were curious. Here's to the future!

With all my love,

Jesse

August 8, 1944

My Dearest Love,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today, for the horrors of war have taken their toll on both body and soul. The past few months have been filled with unimaginable hardship as (Redacted)

The knowledge that our sacrifices are not in vain, that we are fighting for a better future for generations yet unborn keeps these weary bones standing straight.

But oh, how I long for the comforts of home, for the warmth of your embrace and the gentle touch of your hand. In the midst of so much death and destruction, it is your love that reminds me of all the beauty that still remains in the world.

I fear that I may never see you again, my love, that this cruel war may rob us of the future we had planned together. And yet I'm not ready to give up. For as long as I draw breath, I will continue to fight for a world where love triumphs over hate, where you and I can go back to life as it was.

All of the living are dead and I have noticed an oncoming silence.

With all my love,

Jesse

May 7, 1945

My Dearest Love,

I can scarcely believe it – the war is finally over, and victory belongs to the Allies!

We won! Or we think we did, a true win would likely have less bloodshed.

But amidst the celebrations and rejoicing, my thoughts turn to you. How unmanly to cry though I find myself doing so as I write this. The thought of being reunited with you fills my heart back up despite those who have emptied it, for you are my everything, my reason for living.

I cannot wait to return home to you, my love, to begin our lives anew in a world free from the shadow of war. Until then, know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers and that my love for you knows no bounds.

It looks like I'm coming home soon! I'm looking forward to some dance lessons with my one and only.

With all my love,

Jesse

Though you weren't the only one occupying the seemingly empty house, you lived with ghosts. Every step you took they lurked behind you as permanent reminders of everyone you've ever let down; months stretched into years and you clung onto each word in Jesse's letter like it was doctrine. The moment you received that final letter from Jesse you ran out into the streets and hugged the very first person you saw.

"Ellie now isn't a great time to be here," You tell her as she stands behind you in your vanity while you reapply your lipstick "Jesse's home today," You can't help the smile that stretches across your face. After years of hearing from your husband in nothing more than ink over paper, you would see him again and not just in the pictures that you had hung around every corner of the house.

"I'm here to celebrate," She says though she doesn't seem enthusiastic in the slightest. She wears black cigarette pants and a short-sleeved blouse tucked into them. You, on the other hand, had pressed your hair flat only to do it up in pin-curls, wearing your finest dress and most expensive jewelry for your husband's return home.

"If you're going to water down today, you could at the very least pretend to be happy." You were so ecstatic that you didn't even mind that Ellie had chosen today to bum around your house. For once it wouldn't be empty with nothing but your hollowed cries.

"I am happy," She answers "Are you going to wait here for him?"

You shake your head while you put in earrings that Jesse had gifted you on your third anniversary "I'm going down to the train station so I can hug him the second he sets foot back in Cape Cod."

"Nice," She nods "Have you thought about what you're going to do if it doesn't go as planned?"

You furrow your eyebrows, putting the other earring down on the vanity so you can turn back and look at her. "What do you know?" Your smile dropped at her words. Ellie isn't as unreadable as usual, she has traces of guilt across her features and that makes you all the more concerned. "Ellie, what happens?"

Before she can even open her mouth, you hear a firm knock at the front door. "That," Ellie says, you push yourself up from the vanity so fast the chair tips over. You snatch the other earring off of the vanity and awkwardly force it into your piercing as you rush down the hallway as fast as you can in your heels, clickity clack over the floorboards, Ellie trailing slowly behind you.

Your heart was pounding so fast that it reverberated in your head like an echo bouncing off the walls of your mind. A click. A slow creak and you open the door. Sun floods into the room and your heart pinches at the sight of the officer, clad in military excellence with baubles and an olive green jacket.

"Who are you?" Your stomach drops at the sight of the stranger who stands in the place where your husband should be.

The man stared at you, a certain solemn yet controlled grief lurking in his pale eyes. "Ma'am, I am Sergeant Reynolds of the 45th Infantry regiment. Are you Mrs. Midge Maisel, wife of Jesse Chang?"

Your throat went dry. "Yes," You curled your fingers inward, feeling nails push into the soft palm of your hand until the skin broke and you pushed even harder.

You didn't know who helped you sit down when you couldn't move. You only remembered fuzzy voices and the pace of your heart becoming too fast for your body to handle. There was not enough air in the world for you to swallow. The world felt so far away, as did anyone who tried to comfort you or explain the circumstances of Jesse's death.

"After Germany was concurred, he intercepted a grenade ambush from stragglers, saving the lives of many in his platoon."

Everything had stopped spinning, leaving you nauseous where Ellie sat beside you her face smeared in your vision blurry from tears.

Accept our sympathies

Funeral arrangements

The return of personal effects

Bits and pieces of Reynolds's words jumped out at you but you couldn't hear them. Restless nights for centuries were instead what clouded your mind. Outside you could hear families and friends celebrating the return of their loved ones, while you ushered the man out of your door screaming at him to leave. Music played, a celebration you would not take part in but watch bitterly from afar while you plan out the next life you will live.

Ellie begins to speak when the eery silence becomes unbearable "I know you don't want to hear it but this was inevitable-

"Leave," You mutter, resentment simmering inside of you.

"What-

"Leave," You repeat "You knew this was going to happen and you didn't tell me? You didn't stop it?"

"I can't turn the world upside down just to make you happy-

"Then why are you here?" You ask, rage carved in deep despite the tears across your face "I thought you were in love with me and that's why you won't leave me alone."

Her words fail her. She stares at you blankly, trying to scrounge up an answer that would put you both to rest. "We have a good life-

"Ellie, this is not a good life, for you maybe because you don't have to watch me suffer since you can keep skipping to the parts where I'm happy again," You correct her words, fat teardrops streaming down your face while you try to compose yourself the same way that you would a song or a speech. "I'm going to tell you now so you have to get it into your head- We are not friends, I certainly don't love you, I don't even like you and if I ever see your fucking face again, I'm bashing it in."

Bethel, America- August - 1969

If we were vampires and death was a joke, we'd still go out on the sidewalk and smoke.

They wandered through the makeshift villages that sprung up amidst the chaos, where hippies and freaks shared food and shelter, and strangers became friends in the blink of an eye. Your hand was clasped tightly with Dina's while your pupils went wide under the influence.

She refused to let go and lose you in the crowd of sweaty bodies, despite your states you understood well that you would easily lose each other in the sea of people at the music festival and wouldn't cross paths again till night time. She was wearing a turquoise bell-sleeved top paired with a skirt of all sorts of funky patterns and had on at least six beaded necklaces. You'd think that she'd be hard to miss but in this crowd, she blended in perfectly, looking a little bit like everyone else as everyone seemed to bleed together.

You were already high out of your mind the world warping around you, everything moved in frames like an old film. The ground was morphing and breathing under your feet, you giggled with each step, following behind Dina to find the rest of the little group you had come to Woodstock with.

The two of you were nowhere close to the stage, you had only partially come for the music. To you, it seemed like another historic event to add to your list. While most people sit on the ground swaying to Janis Joplin, your small circle of friends was dancing; it was something like them loosely waving their bodies around.

"No one asks me for dances because I only know how to flail!" Dina shouts, laughing so hard that she leans on you for support. You laugh too, head resting on top of Dina's. Her words weren't funny at all but everything seemed funny when fractals hoovered around your eyes. You lifted your head just slightly to see that same freckled face that had haunted you for centuries.

"Ellie!" You shouted, letting go of Dina's hand and making your way towards her, eyes half-lidded and hazy. Dina lulled in place watching you run away from her.

Ellie looked frightened that you had stuck true to your promise of bashing her face in the next time you saw her but instead, you wrapped your arms around her tightly and began to sway gingerly. It was just the beating of hearts like two drums in the rain.

"I'm sorry," You mutter into the crook of her neck. "I missed you, you should visit more."

Hesitantly, Ellie hugged you back, folding her arms around your torso and letting herself sink into you. In the past 2380 you had never hugged Ellie, you hardly touched her. She closed her eyes letting delusion flood her brain, thinking back to the first time she had seen you and then seventy years later when she realized you were immortal and every other timeline she had lived with you.

"I missed you too," She muttered, trying to ignore the fact that you were only saying this because you were high.

You pull back away from her and take her in, all dazed. You give her a boop on the nose with your index and erupt in giggles while Ellie furrows her eyebrows. An idea strikes you and it's apparent on your face as you light up, eyebrows shooting up. "You should come to tell my friends about all of your time-travelling stories!"

Ellie starts to shake her head but you pull her away despite that. She trails behind you as you refuse to let go of her hand, dragging her back to the grassy patch where your friends danced, some of them taking a quick break flat on their backs. "This is Ellie, we've been friends for a long time."

The group acknowledges her, mainly with waves and giggles but Jimmy goes the extra mile, standing up and extending a lanky arm "It's good to meet you."

"This is my best friend in the world forever!" You sling an arm around Dina, calling for Ellie's attention. Dina leaned into your touch, a drowsy smile on her face. "Ellie can actually travel through time."

You tell the group and they all look toward her, eyes squinted and bodies relaxed. Ellie didn't mind, knowing that they were too high to believe her by the time they sobered up even if they did she could go back and fix it. She nods along "It's true and she's immortal." Ellie points at you.

"No, you're not," Dina pokes you.

"I believe it," Weston speaks up from his spot on the ground where he lies with Patricia, her ash blonde hair strewn across the grass "I have never seen this woman so who am I to not believe her." As opposed to the majority of the group whose pupils were dilated from LSD, the whites of his eyes had turned red from the herbs he smoked.

Stevie is still dancing, her loose white dress rustly so slightly in the gentle breeze. Dawn dances with her, her hair the colour of fire tied neatly into two twin braids, she doesn't care about anything besides the way her feet carry her.

"One time I cut out my own heart and I ate it," You giggle, head resting on Dina. Her face was sunkissed, accentuating her freckles. She had let her dark hair run loose.

Jimmy looks at you, through his sunglasses. He has Ellie sitting next to him, his ebony skin a contrast to her paleness. "How does that work?"

"I slice my skin open and then I break my ribs, rip out my heart and shove it in my mouth.

He looks you up and down "Ribs look fine to me."

"I can show you," You look around to find something to cut you open, and you see a large rock with some smaller ones stacked around it. You walk over, all eyes on you as you put your wrist on top of the larger rock.

In your free hand, you pick up a smaller jagged rock that fits into the claw of your hand. You raise the jagged stone up and smash it into your wrist with little effort after the strength you have gathered over the years.

Dina lets out a scream watching your arm bend out of shape, wrist twisted so your hand doesn't sit where it's supposed to. You bring the rock up and slam it down again, making sure to dig into your skin, flesh mangled up on your arm and you brought it up to show everyone. Jimmy scrambled to his feet in a panic, racing through the crowd to find a medic.

"No, it's healing!" You shout after Jimmy. Weston looks at your mangled arm with wide eyes before buckling onto his knees and throwing up. Dawn and Stevie pause their dancing, Dawn froze in fear and Stevie backed away. "Do you see?" You shake your arm trying to show them that the wound was fixing itself.

-

"I can show you," You look around to find something to cut you open, and then your eyes settle on Ellie who shakes her head at you. You knew this meant she had seen the outcome and it wasn't good so you decide to drop the topic, plopping yourself onto the grass.

"Don't you wanna dance?" Dina asks.

You shake your head. You had reserved dancing for Jesse who you knew you wouldn't see again, not even in death since it would never come for you.

The day had eventually faded away into night, the concert still rang loud but you stayed far in the back of the crowd, lying on the ground with Ellie and looking at the stars. "I'm really sorry for everything you've been through," Ellie breaks the pure hum of music.

"I'm really sorry for everything you've seen," You answer. "I thought the war would finally be over," You murmur, thinking back to Jesse and the idea you conjured up of his corpse; you imagined him to be blown into a million pieces, a thought that never left your mind no matter how high you got or what you drank you knew it wouldn't end. You had thought World War two to be the last until the Vietnam War plagued the news and began to pluck men from neighbourhoods all around.

"It doesn't end, not ever," Ellie tells you.

"You should fix it."

"I've tried," There's a hint of sadness in her voice "If one ends, a new one will always spring up."

The two of you fall silent for a moment, heads side to side but you don't look at one another, only the stars. There's something so calming yet unnerving about the inky black sky; it reminded you of the nothingness that consumed you on the night you had given up your mortality.

"I don't want to live," The words fall from your lips so effortlessly. The LSD was wearing off, leaving you to be in control of your thoughts and your body all over again.

"I know."

"I've seen more men die than I can count."

"I know."

"I can't seem to hate you though."

Ellie turns her head to look at you and you do the same. Her green eyes are shining beneath the moonlight, just the shadow of her face illuminated. You lean forward just the slightest and connect your lips into a kiss, Ellie seems surprised but she doesn't fight it.

Once you pull away, you can only seem to make out one sentence "Don't leave this time."

Greenport Village, America - April - 2011

A handshake of carbon monoxide, no alarms and no surprises.

As the late afternoon sun cast its golden hues over the rolling hills of the Greenport, you made your way home planning a quick visit to the beach before doing so, arms laden with bags filled with groceries from the quaint village market, arms laden with provisions that you had no need for, save to fill the endless hours of your existence.

You walked with your timeless beauty that seemed to shimmer like a mirage in the fading light, you had called the Greenport Village home for six years now, finding a position there as a history teacher, your favourite job of the hundreds you had worked. Though the passing decades had left their mark on the landscape and its inhabitants, you remained unchanged, frozen in time like a moth preserved in amber.

You still struggled to come to terms with the fact that death would never take you though Ellie tried to make it easier. All these years and it never felt any better, it was still difficult to swallow the truth.

There was no solace to be found in the quiet beauty of the world around you. For two thousand years, you had walked the earth with Ellie, you, a solitary figure doomed to wander the endless expanse of time and her, the shadow that trailed behind and mocked your existence without intending to. You had seen kingdoms rise and fall, witnessed the birth and death of countless generations, and yet you remained unchanged, untouched by the ravages of time. All of the identification you had forged didn't make you into who you said you were.

Walking towards the beach, you could've sworn that you recognized every face you saw but that was just how long you had lived; everyone you've ever known slowly bleeding into everyone else like a suicide cleanup. You would outlive the kids playing on the seesaw and the toddlers scrambling around them, you would outlive their offspring too and every other generation after that.

Eventually, you found yourself in your usual spot in the park, an old beaten bench outlooking the sea where sunlight danced off of it like sparks.

After the seventies, you had accepted that the land was your only friend, ever-changing just like you, yet it remained miraculously intact. You had Ellie, on occasion, though calling her a friend would be a loose term. You weren't sure what she was but butterflies and maggots had a field in your intestines every time you thought of all of the things she knew about you and how little you know of her.

The lack of trust always lingered. You never knew if she had gone back in time and forced you to forget about something she said or something you asked. How many times had you begged her to go back to the beginning and let you ebb away with old age?

As you sat in silent contemplation, lost in the labyrinth of your centuries-old thoughts, a frail figure approached, leaning heavily on a gnarled cane. It was an old woman, her face etched with the lines of a life well-lived, her eyes twinkling with a spark of something you couldn't make out.

You shifted slightly on the bench, making room for her unexpected companion. The old woman, her steps slow and deliberate, lowered herself onto the seat beside you, exhaling a contented breath as she settled into place.

For a long moment, you sat in companionable silence, each lost in your own reverie. "You must be an old soul," The woman next to you speaks, covered in sunspots and wrinkles, grey and white streaks all through her black hair. "When you're old all you want to do is sit and stare at the scenery."

"Yeah," You give her a tight-lipped smile "I'm mature at heart."

The woman furrows her eyebrows for a moment, deep in thought as her brown eyes rake over every single one of your features, studying you like scripture. "I'm sorry," She shakes her head "You just look like a girl I used to know."

"Really?" You ask and then it strikes you like lightning. Despite the withering of her face, it's the same bump of her nose, the freckles across her skin, the curve of her jaw, it was your Dina.

She waves it off "She's long gone by now, haven't heard from her in years." Dina looks off to the ocean, the screech of kids is far off in the distance. Her face drops just the slightest at the mention of this.

"Who was she?" You press, just wanting to hear Dina's voice after decades of replaying memories and performing autopsies on expired conversations like you could somehow revive them and the people who came with.

"Oh, um," Dina hadn't expected you to carry on the conversation, people had stopped caring about what she had to say when time hit her and dragged her skin down. "A friend of mine, way back before you were born. If you could see her, gosh," Dina mutters, salt and pepper hair braided down her back "You could've been her twin."

Your heart was slamming against your ribcage like it wanted to be set free. "Uh, I'm sorry if this seems odd," You say with a shakey breath "But could you just keep talking? I don't want to have to think right now."

Her eyebrows knit together just the slightest, concern growing with your words "About what?"

"Just," You shrug "Reminisce maybe," Nearby there were birds on a wire chirping, it felt like every one of them was talking to you, beedy eyes prying into your veins "I just like stories."

Dina slips a small smile, her teeth not quite as white as they used to be but her smile holds all of the comforts nonetheless "My stories are no good, I'm sure you'll have better ones when you're my age."

You shake your head on impulse, grasping the pieces of her that you still held close to your ancient heart. "No, I don't think I'll get there," You aren't trying to ramble yet here you are, scrambling to reconnect the two of you like this is a film that ends well.

Her smile falters, trying to comprehend the odd woman beside her, beginning to contemplate that you're high on something, suspicion growing more solid with each shake of your hands and blink of your watery eyes. "Are you alright?" She lowers her voice.

"Yup," You nod, already feeling her slip through the space between your fingers all over again like she had years prior. At this point in your life, you should've been a better liar but you just sat there, tears rolling down silently while you forced your teeth to bear a smile. You wanted to tell her how nice it was to see her and remind her of all of the days and nights alike you had wasted on each other.

It was easy to see how she didn't believe you, from your trembling hands gripping your thighs in an attempt to steady them to the manufactured smile you wore on your face, sadness seeping from your pores. Unlike Dina, you felt that age had made you no wiser. Years you spent studying and chasing careers just to end up faking death and restarting all over again from scraps, losing a little piece of yourself every time.

She places one of her calloused and withered hands over yours where it grasps to the fabric over your thighs. She meets your gaze "Whatever it is, you'll be okay."

Something inside you shifts, then cracks, and crumbles completely. The agonizing pain accumulated by thousands of years spilled out of you in the form of tears as salty as the ocean spray that simmered on your skin. It was like every awful thing you had ever felt was going to burst through the gaps of your teeth.

There was entirely too much going on in your head when you inched forward and wrapped your arms around Dina, chin resting on her neck. It took a minute but you felt her bony hands rest on your back while she returned the gesture, albeit confused.

You were glad you got to see her again. Every time someone passes through your life you think of all of the things you would do to speak to them one more time. You had finally been given a blessing, something that balanced out the bitterness of eternity. "I'm sorry, Dina."

The second you spoke you regretted it. With what little grace you have left you manage to pry yourself up, sheepishly standing to your feet and trying not to wobble like a colt. Dina's bygone face held more confusion than ever, mouth slightly ajar as she watched you with wide eyes like a doe. "Honey, I think you have the wrong person."

Your feet move faster than your head, not leaving Dina behind a second time but a complete stranger. You had only been sick with nostolgia. Panic shot through your veins like box cutters trying to find their way to your heart, which they surely would.

Your day's shopping had been left behind at the bench along with all of the dreams you once etched into indigo skies and sandy shores, now all they did was rot at your feet, at least they had the pleasure of aging.

The feeling of screaming was creeping up your body in shivers, you hugged yourself all the way home, swivelling your head every minute to be sure that ghosts weren't following you but they always had a way of sneaking up on you.

What purpose did you serve? Anything mildly important you had ever done was lost to time, gone, forgotten. You didn't get the luxury of having children with the one you love, you didn't even have anyone to love. You drag your mud-covered heels all the way up the steps of your stoop slamming the door behind you.

With trembling hands and a mind consumed by anguish, you began to tear through her home with frenzied desperation, your movements fueled by a maelstrom of emotions too powerful to contain, the urge-no, the need to die. You ripped books from their shelves, their pages fluttering like wounded birds as they scattered across the floor in a flurry. You overturned furniture with reckless abandon, the sound of splintering wood and shattering glass echoing through the empty rooms like a orchestra of destruction.

You open your cabinets, dragging your hands behind all of the ceramic and glass, pushing it to the ground and watching them shatter at your feet. What need did you have for a fridge full of food when you don't have to eat? Or a feathered bed when you don't need to sleep, you can't even bring yourself to sleep these days.

Each crash and thud seemed to reverberate through your empty, a haunting reminder of the pain and turmoil that threatened to consume her from within. Memories, once cherished and dear, now lay shattered and broken like all of the ambition you should have forgotten, fragments of an overwhelming life that had slipped through your fingers like grains of sand.

With a guttural cry of anguish, you sank to your knees amidst the wreckage, body racked with sobs that seemed to tear at your very core. You clutched at your hair in despair, her fingers intertwined in the tangled strands like thorns in a bed of roses.

Your eyes snagged on the cabinet below your sink. You crawl over to it, shards of shattered glassware sticks into the soft palms of your hands, porcelain china cutting up your knees. It didn't even feel like anything, you just wanted to feel something.

You pull the cabinet open pushing the other cleaning supplies aside and grabbing the ammonia and bleach. Twisting the caps of and discarding them among the wreckage, you take a deep breath before raisng the bottle of bleach to your lips and drinking, the harsh and ancrid taste making you cringe but you kept swallowing until you could feel a burning in your throat, taking a quick shallow breath and then doing the same with the ammonia, tears brimming your eyes and hitting the few beams of sunlight that struck through your closed curtains like the glimmer from the ocean.

God, it tasted rancid but for a moment, a brief one it had felt like death or something similar. Mouth feeling like plastic throat burnt to rubber you drank until both bottles were empty. You pressed yourself as flat as you could on the floor, soaking in the last moments of feeling as your insides contorted before stillness.

All of the cells you killed were fixing themselves up and after a minute, you felt numb like you tended to. You hiccup, body jerking upwards just the slightest, a spat of vomit now dribbling at you chin.

Deep inside of you, you knew Ellie would be back to fix your wreckage and leave you oblivious to the destruction you not only caused but craved. She would just keep going back until you help something on the spectrum of happy.

Define happy.

Smiling?

Joking?

Laughing?

Not digging through the dictionary to find new ways to try to kill yourself?

That last one sounds right.

"Ellie, I can't do this anymore!" You screeched hoarsely to the empty room, despite the freckled girl being nowhere in sight. "Can you please let me die now!"

You call for her until your throat is as dry as sandpaper, hollow words scraping themselves dry before they can leave your mouth. Your voice is reduced to a pathetic rasp and you pray that she regrets stealing blood from your veins.

"Please!" You scream, fingers gripping onto the marble counter to haul yourself up. You stumble for a moment as you adjust to the jagged shards you stand on. "I know we've done this before but you'll just lie and make me sound like I'm fucking crazy," A sob falls from your mouth like a howl.

You pull a long kitchen knife from the knife block, and watch the silver blade glimmer, a warped reflection of yourself staring back at you. With little hesitation, you plummet it into your stomach, again and again until your midriff is a mangled fleshy mess. Blood pooling out of you like cherry wine. Nothing new.

"Asshole!" You cry out "I know you're hiding around here somewhere!" Your mind immediately went to how many times this situation had played out, on this same day. Maybe you had done something worse.

Lungs burning from screaming, cries throbbing inside of your throat, you have one last idea that had to have happened before. "Can you please stop?"

You turn to face the voice, hair matted, clothes torn and bloody, vomit from makeshift mustard gas sliding down your chin to your neck. You drop the knife, it clatters against the tiles "No," You approach her, each step more certain than the last. "You need to stop, this isn't right."

"I know," She says, face stone-cold a hint of irritation in her tone. She's back in her grey hoodie and jeans, finally, she fits into the time period.

"If you know then why have I been pleading with you to go back to the start and stop me from dying in the first place and making that deal?" You're inches away from her, voice carrying challenge if not bitterness. "Like I've asked you over and over again." Your voice is unsteady like it's being crushed beneath the weight of the world.

"Because I love you," She says, raising one hand to cup your face.

If it were for the chemicals flattering through the air making you nauseous, this act alone almost brought you to your knees with sickness. You don't bother to move her hand though, just shuddering under the touch. "Do you really?"

She nods, gaze softening "Yes."

"Then you'll go back and you'll fix all of this right?"

Her hand falls from its resting spot on your face. "You want to forget?"

"No, I want to die." Silence falls between you. Each rise and fall of your chest shaky and ragged "You keep forgetting that I'm a person, I'm not a concept you've curated in your head." It was hard to find yourself being gentle to her. It was hard to feel bad for her in general with how she treated your entire being as something for her to tune in and out of as she pleased.

Ellie takes a breath in, eyes unwavering from yours "Okay."

"Okay?" You don't believe her "You'll fix this and you'll leave me alone and let me live a regular life without knowing you?" You breathe the moment in, the hopes that this will be over soon. The taste of heartache and war could be washed away from your mouth, you wouldn't meet Joel and watch his daughter die in front of him or meet Jesse and fall in love. The humiliation to be made of rotting flesh then it hits you- how many times have you had this conversation? "I want you to promise-

Athens, Greece- October- 412 BC

I prayed for your breath right here in the shallows.

Rain splashes against the skin of your face in lands of ancient Greece, where the winds themselves whispered stories of gods and heroes, neither of which you were. You were nothing more than a frightened woman running away from an unforgiving husband in the dead of night where your quickened heartbeat falls in rhythm to the ocean which is almost as angry as the storm that roars above.

Carefully you dodge the jagged rocks sticking out from the sand, you had memorized each and every one after days of burning your skin on the shores. Water surged against the rocks near your feet, white froth sizzling in the waves retreating like it was trying to drag you in and take you for its own.

Your heavy breathing was devoured by the heavy rain and cracks of lighting, the sounds of thunder so deep it was like Zeus himself was stomping in the clouds. Despite the night being dark you trusted the moonlight that glimmered off of the ocean to guide you. You have nothing more than the soaking wet clothes on your back, jewelry to sell, and the drachmas you had stolen from your husband tucked away safely in a wool tagari purse.

This time around, Ellie doesn't intervene. She watched you, panic-stricken, fumble over wet sand and glide past slick rocks. Trying to outrun your fears of wasting your life.

As you reached the edge of a rocky outcrop, your leather sandal caught on a slick stone, sending you tumbling to the ground. With a sickening thud, your head struck against the unforgiving rock, and the world around you spun into darkness.

You were dead. Body limp on the plethora of rocks, the tide slowly lulling over your body until Ellie kneeled down next to your body and gingerly guided it into the ocean for it to take. The blood from the wound in the back of your head is sucked away into the sand. She watched your corpse drift out and get pulled down, all she needed was another lifetime with you. You didn't know how miserable you were with her anyway. 

This is not a story about love.

A/N: guys I’m breaking hiatus to post this bc I realised it’s been hanging in my drafts for a century (century haha) Anyways I actually hate this but it felt too long to scrap so thanks for reading.

Perm tag list: @ellslvr @gold-dustwomxn @bready101 @whenlostinthedarkness @veeveeisgay @vqxen

[toxicanonymity]

Tommy Miller Masterlist, 18+

Just Tommy.

Birds of Prey - Raider Tommy

Lunch Mates - Jackson Tommy

Gym Rat Tommy HCs | Part 2

Yoga Instructor Tommy HCs

Power Nap - Thicc Tommy

Brotherly Sharing Masterlist, featuring:

Miller Bros. - Uncle Tommy, DP, Breeder

Animal Print AU - Objectified Tommy; DP

Twin Peaks - Biker AU

Free Use - Hesitant Tommy

Fic Recs

[damn-stark]

Chapter 9 Cheers to a New Year

Chapter 9 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- OMG WELCOME BACK EVERYONE!! thank you for coming back and welcome new readers! I hope you like the chapter!

Warning- FLUFF, some angst, light violence, talks of death, alcohol, spoilers for season 2, Remember this is a rewrite not an AU, so the major stuff that happens in the show will happen here :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader (platonic of course :), OC x Fem!reader

Episode- 2x01

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

*A FEW MONTHS AFTER SALT LAKE CITY INCIDENT*

The summer breeze runs coldly past your face, wiping away the thick beads of sweat that roll down your forehead. The thundering hoofsteps on the dry ground mix perfectly with the pounding of your heartbeat only drumming harder and harder the closer your horse gets to your destination.

A part of you wants to slow down or come to a stop, but when you look back, the hard cold breeze steals the gasp that escapes past your lips when you notice how close she is, threatening to catch up to you. Thus you immediately nudge your horse to quicken her speed, creating a cloud of dust that blocks her view of you and leaves her clueless and nervous as to how far you'll get.

There comes a moment where she thinks she lost you, there’s too much blocking her view, so she grows intensely more nervous because she knows she’ll never live it down. She’ll be ruined if you reach your destination, and she can’t allow that. You need to lose. Yet when her horse jumps over a fallen tree she finally sees you again, sun beaming down at you as if it was made for you, calm lake water glimmering behind you and basking your figure in an almost ethereal light, and a cruel winning grin decorating your face as you gloat your victory.

“I win!” You cheer. “I win!”

You jump off your horse to let her hydrate herself and proceed to jump up and down to only rub it in Ellie’s face harder that you are indeed the winner and she is the loser. Even if Ellie makes her horse slow down now that she sees that you won, you continue to gloat and be just as enthralled that you won. Even more so when you see the pout on her loser face.

“What?!” You exclaim proudly. “What?!”

Ellie finally reaches you and hesitates climbing off her horse because she doesn’t want to admit defeat, but her horse mirrors yours by drinking water, so she has no choice but to get off and see you gloat like a crazed fanboy.

“I won! I won!”

Ellie rolls her eyes and you hop over to her to throw your arm around her shoulders and yank her against your side to jump up and down with her.

“Whatever,” Ellie grumbles as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Your horse is older, mine is still young.”

You stop jumping and push your face close to hers. “Don't be a sore loser. Admit, I’m better than you.”

“You've been on horseback longer than me.”

You mock her moving mouth with your hand and taunt her further. “All I hear is excuses. I won fair and square. I am victorious.” You grin and press her harder against you finally causing her to shove you aside to sulk in her defeat.

“Don’t you have something better to do?” She snaps back and you take a deep breath to finally try and calm yourself down.

“No. We finished patrol and archery lessons. Now I’m all yours,” you explain kindly, missing the fact that she’s still seething.

“Until the evening,” you add as you remember your other duties. “I have some writing to do for Phantom of the Opera, and then I have to plan sets…why don’t you come with me? You have an artistic mind. I could use your help…and maybe you’ll meet someone…” you trail off and look at her hopefully, but she looks annoyed at your suggestion.

“My friends and I enjoy having you around, but I want you to have friends of your own. People you can confide in like I confide in mine,” you add since she stood quiet. “I know someone who will actually go to the theater today and I think you’ll like her. Her name is Kat. So come? Help?”

Ellie sighs and turns around to slowly approach her horse, so you draw out a deep breath, calming your once racing heart before you slowly mirror her actions but by sticking to your horse.

“Yeah, maybe,” she entertains you but you can’t tell if she’s being serious or not. It’s always hard to tell with her, so you’ll have to double-check with her later and hope she is being serious. You’ve seen her struggle for a while now to come out of the house. Your dad says it’s normal, that it takes a while to get used to being in a community again, but you think that besides that she’s still really struggling with what happened with the Fireflies.

It took so much from her, but you don’t want to touch the subject because one, you just feel too guilty and heartbroken, and two, what can be done about it? Your dad made sure that any kind of hope died in that hospital that day.

“I am willing to go all or nothing back home,” you try to cheer her up as you see that the smugness she once carried is slowly dwindling and getting replaced by that solemnity that usually takes place in her features.

“How about it?” You press and keep your eyes on her as she looks at the peaceful horizon.

“Can I…hm…can I ask you something?” She struggles to ask, making you lose every ounce of pride and excitement.

“Uh—”

“You have to be honest,” she cuts you off without knowing and snaps her head toward you to look at you across the lake with eyes full of loud vulnerability, letting you know that she’s putting all her trust in you with whatever she’s going to ask.

“Okay,” you say loud enough so she can hear, and nod faintly.

Ellie turns away to hit her fist against the palm of her hand and gather what she needs to ask you, while you continue to keep your eyes on her like a person afraid she’ll somehow vanish into that river, feeling your heart pick up again only this time it's not out of excitement and adrenaline to win and gloat. This time your heart begins to pound out of fear, and you feel every breath grow ragged.

“I know,” you barely hear Ellie say as she keeps her back turned to you. “I know you said that you and Joel were apart the day we were all at the hospital,” she continues and finally turns to face you with confusion more than anything else, making your heartache along with jump.

“But you were still there. You still know what happened…so tell me that everything Joel said is true,” she almost pleads with her eyes sharing how confused and scared she feels.

“Why,” you pause and drop your head to clear your throat and hide how ashamed and scared you feel. “Why are you doubting him? Is there…a reason?” You ask as you meet her gaze, noticing that she’s approaching you since you haven’t moved a muscle away from your horse.

“It’s just I think back to that day,” she explains without taking time to think, letting you know that this is what has kept her isolated and upset—“and I can’t help but think that it all ended too quickly. One minute I blacked out in the street and the next I woke up in a car heading to Jackson, and no matter how hard I try to remember something. I come out blank.”

Your eyes sting and your throat aches. Your heart pounds so hard that you fear if she stands too close she’ll hear your fearful heart debating at that moment whether to break your promise to your dad and tell Ellie everything. Not out of guilt but because as you look at her now, her eyes are pleading harder as her soul looks for some kind of sense to that day.

“All I went through to get there couldn’t have amounted to just one day that I wasn’t a part of,” she continues with her eyes filling with tears that only tug at your heart more. “Everything I lost couldn’t have amounted to nothing, could it?”

You remember the promise you made. You remember that day at the hospital and remember that your dad left nothing behind, not even a flicker of hope, because if he had left something alive then they would have come after Ellie, wouldn’t they? And as far as you know no one has come to your door, so you think about the life that she can have and the life you desire for her to have with every fiber of your being.

That desire urges you to keep quiet, but…she’s asking you now with every fiber of her being for the truth and you want to give it to her. She deserves it. She needs it.

Keeping your dad's secret goes against everything you are as a person and it hurts to keep something so important from Ellie, but…it’s the same love you harbor for her. It’s the same desire for her to have a good life that makes you go against yourself and forces you to keep that promise.

“I wish I could give you a clear answer of that day,” you break your silence and fight hard to keep your voice from breaking. “But as I’ve said I didn’t come across my dad until he already had you. I heard everything that happened while I was trying to get out of my restraints. I’m sorry I can’t be more useful, but I trust him.” You nod and finally break away from your spot to approach her and grab her shoulders to look her in the eyes and lie.

“You…do?” Ellie asks with tears still brimming in her eyes and her voice soft.

“I do,” you lie again. “I trust him.”

——

*5 YEARS LATER*

A deep breath leaves your nose, the soft fabric of your glove wrinkles as you fist your hand, and the leather of your jacket crinkles as you lift your hand to knock on the door.

Expecting to get a delayed response, you rest your case on the floor and step back before you strain your ear and catch a moment of silence before you catch the echoes of shuffling and hard footsteps growing louder and louder until finally as a calm wind hits your back, the door opens and a warm smile immediately decorates your features as you come face to face with your beloved father.

“Howdy,” he greets with a small smile.

You pick up your guitar case off the floor and redirect a greeting. “Hey.”

Your dad steps back, welcoming you inside his quiet house so you walk in and right away when you’re enveloped by the warmth of his cozy house you scan the space you can see from the entrance.

“Where’s my Teddy?” You ask excitedly as you tug your boots off.

“Sleepin’,” your dad lets you know as he walks past you and stops by the staircase. “He drank his bottle and fell asleep. It’s been,” he pauses and thinks for a moment. “Twenty minutes.”

You sigh with slight disappointment but nod in comprehension regardless. “That’s good. Thank you. How was he today? He behave?” You ask as you slip into some slippers you have by your dad's entrance.

“‘Course,” your dad assures you right away because even if your son was fussy he wouldn’t care. “We went out for a short walk. Passed by to visit Tommy and Benji, and came back home to eat some lunch. We’ve been here ever since.”

You smile proudly and nod gently. “That’s good,” you praise him and set your guitar case down by the entrance to take your warm layers off next. “Sorry I took long, I had to go pick up some stuff from the house.”

Your dad shakes his head and throws his hand out before he walks away. “Don’t worry, you know Teddy and I enjoy spendin’ time together. He keeps me busy on my days off. How was work?” He asks from the kitchen and actually shares a small chuckle before he explains himself. “It’s still so…crazy that I ask you that now. I don’t think I’ll get used to it.”

You scoff lightheartedly and finally are able to part from the entrance to join him in the kitchen. “Great. Nothing beats being able to plan for a play, but I love working with the animals and tending to the plants. We had to try and get the greenhouses warmer though. This winter really has brought a bad cold, Mia and the clinic are running through medicine like crazy.”

“It’s all those people the council is bringing in,” your dad says loudly without realizing you’re in the kitchen now unloading stuff you’ll need for tonight’s dinner. “We don’t know where they’ve been or what they’re bringing in with them. They need to be more careful,” he repeats the same argument he’s had since fall, and then turns around, getting startled by you being so close.

“Well, we can’t leave ‘em out,” you repeat yourself as you glance down to see what he’s offering you in your unofficially assigned mug. “And it’s not just them. Colds are normal. More so in these cold seasons.”

“Coffee,” he says as the scent wafts in your nose as he pushes the mug closer to you. “Had it ready for when you got here.”

You smile brightly and take the mug from him. “Thank you, Daddy,” you tell him sweetly as you take the mug from him and walk over to the dining table to take a seat, seeing him mirror you as you take a sip of the bitter but warm drink.

“And you sound like Maria,” your dad keeps arguing. “You need to think about your own. Teddy. He’s young and we don’t have the medication we once did when you were a little girl.”

As your dad takes a seat across from you, you put the mug down and swallow thickly before you raise your brow and calmly rebuttal. “A couple we welcomed has a baby just as old as Theo. I worry about my son, we take precautions, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t in the same boat. If we can help, we will. That’s the right thing to do.”

Your dad watches you hard without saying anything verbally, but the wheels of his mind churn with many different thoughts and arguments he wants to share but doesn’t express because he knows you’re too stuck in your own way, just like Maria. Thus instead he drops his gaze and nods stiffly, leaving that topic as it is. For now.

“You hear from Ellie. Is she coming to…our New Year's dinner?” He asks as he keeps his gaze averted as if nervous to hear the response.

“Yeah,” you assure him and watch as he seems to draw in a relieved breath as he keeps his eyes off you—“but she’s bringing her friends.”

Your dad scoffs and takes a sip from his own drink before he finally faces you as he has something to say. “Now she can’t be in my company without her friends? Does she take them to your house too?”

You hold his gaze for a second and then your eyes flicker to your drink to watch the dark coffee before you take a long sip and then shake your head hesitantly. “No,” you deadpan, causing your dad to sigh deeply.

“I swear—”

“Uh,” you cut him off and look up, catching his gaze as he also looks up at you at the same time. “No.” You shake your finger at him. “Look I…feel bad. I do. I want to help too, but I already told you my condition. I’m not taking sides.”

Your dad's gaze twitches to a squint before he drops his head and gently shakes it as if in disbelief at what you just said.

“She’s been keeping my company at dinner,” you do let him know so he’s in the know of some of her whereabouts. You respect her privacy and her boundaries regarding your dad, so you don’t tell him everything he wants to know. You just tell him the mundane things. “I’ve been teaching her some stuff so she’s not just an awesome babysitter, and she actually has a knack for cooking. She could be better, but she’s learning.”

Your dad nods as he takes it all in before he draws out a small breath. “I am sorry I’ve been keeping your husband from dinner, but well, all these plans are hard work,” he sighs. “And he’s eager to learn everything. He can do it all by himself, but he insists on learning from me.”

You smile gleefully. “It’s okay. He doesn’t mind staying behind and I don’t mind either. Plus it makes me happy to hear that you’re working so well together.”

Your dad nods. “He’s…he’s a good guy. Hard worker,” he adds and lifts his head as he rubs his chin. “I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. Nothing like the young men I worked with before the outbreak.”

You laugh softly and pick up your mug to take a drink, but before you do, you watch your drink for a moment with a teasing smile before you take a sip.

“What?” Your dad probes as he notices your smile.

Before you can answer though, you take a longer drink and then set the mug down and ask him a bold question. “When was the last time you talked to someone? Romantically I mean so you’re not a smartass.”

He scoffs in disbelief and you lean in closer and continue since you know it’s going to be hard getting him to cooperate about the matter. “Tomorrow is the New Year community party, it will be a great opportunity to warm up to someone.” You say and shake your shoulders to tease him. “And it’ll be great if you did have someone to talk to.”

“Will it? Or will you be happy if I did?” He asks as he sits back.

You giggle and flash him a smirk before you respond honestly. “It will make me very happy if you meet someone. This house is lonely and you spend too much time alone.”

He shakes his head and argues. “I spend my time with my family. Work. And a lot of quality time with my grandson.”

You chuckle softly. “It’s not that same,” you quickly rebuttal. “You need someone to come home to after work. Someone to have dinners with when I’m not here or when you don’t go with Uncle Tommy. Won’t that be nice?”

Your dad crosses his arms over his chest and keeps shaking his head as he keeps fighting you. “I don’t have the best record with women. You know that. Sarah’s mom left. Your mom…passed. Tess…also died, and with her, I didn’t give her what she gave me.”

You lean over, basically laying on the table to keep arguing your side. “Yes, but that was before. Jackson is as stable as a community is going to be. It can be different. I’m not telling you to have a wild romance, something sweet. I know it can be hard in times like now, but it’s about the time you spend while you’re alive that matters. Don’t think about what might happen, instead live and enjoy the memories you’ll make.”

Your dad holds your gaze softly before he offers you something real. “Tess pushed her way in, it’s not easy otherwise. Not since your mom.”

You blink repeatedly and draw out a small and slow breath before you drag yourself back and mutter. “I know, but you can’t look for my mom or Tess in every woman you see. Look, you don’t have to look for a soulmate and maybe they don’t want that either. Just someone to spend your days with.” You say and shrug sweetly. “So tomorrow I want you to shower, do your hair real nice, wear something dapper, and put on that cologne I made you, okay? And…be less scary.” You flash him a grin.

“Scary?” He scoffs. “What does that even mean?”

“Why don’t we start getting ahead at starting dinner before Maria and Uncle Tommy get here,” you mention as you hop off your seat. “Teddy should still be down a little longer.”

——

*LATER*

“Come on, come on,” you encourage Teddy as you grab his little hand and run to the front door with him in your arms, making him giggle giddily and then kick his feet when you reach the door to let you know he wants to do it again.

Much to your son's excitement though, you stop to open the door, welcoming Jesse, Dina, and his father Apollo.

“Look who I brought with me!” Apollo announces proudly which only makes you smile brightly.

“Howdy, children! I’m so glad you could make it!” You greet Jesse and Dina warmly as they block Apollo. “Please come in. Jesse-boy,” you greet as you look at him and step back to let them pass. “Dina Nolastname,” you tease and without fault, she smiles back at you.

“Sunshine,” she teases back and walks in first with a much brighter smile lighting up her face as she stretches her arms out. “Teddy!” She exclaims and takes your baby from you before she heads inside.

“This is for you,” Jesse says as he walks in and hands you a dessert plate.

“Oh why, you’ll have to thank your mom for me,” you tell him as he walks in taking his coat off.

“Actually I made it,” he retorts, making you laugh and pat his shoulder. Thus in response, he turns around to look at you with his eyebrow raised.

“I did,” he insists and you laugh harder before you calm down and look at him with a wobbly smile.

“Oh, Jesse,” you coo and say nothing else because you know him. You know Dina too, not just because they’re both Ellie’s best friends, but because since they are younger and more active in the community, besides working alongside them, you’re now in charge of teaching them everything they need to know. Albeit you do spend more time with Jesse than with Dina.

“That’s unfair,” Jesse grumbles as he can’t make his lie convincing to you. “You’re unfair.”

You snicker and pat his shoulder again as he walks away. “I’ll let you have it if anyone else asks!” You throw out after him.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says over his shoulder before he disappears into the dining room to greet everyone already inside, leaving you to lastly greet your husband Apollo.

Albeit rather than greeting him normally, after he closes the door and takes off his warm layers you raise your hand to show off your palm.

“Look,” you pout and show off your injury.

However, instead of treating you kindly and worrying, the bastard high-fives you with a sly grin.

You gasp because it stings your wound and your feelings.

“It’s serious,” you remark and he laughs harder before he closes the gap between you to gently take your wrist and press a kiss on the tip of your fingers, avoiding the big red mark on your palm.

“What happened?” He whispers against your lips as he leans in closer as if wanting to rob you of your breath.

“I burnt myself grabbing a hot plate,” you explain and he giggles this time before he brings your hand up to press another gentle kiss on your fingers before he puts your hand on his cheek and then grabs your jaw to smash his lips against yours and start a passionate kiss you almost lose yourself in.

Albeit after you steal a few steamy minutes for yourselves, you pull back but don’t stray from each other, he wraps his arm around your shoulders as you both walk inside.

“You take care of it?” He asks with concern.

You nod. “Yeah, but it still hurts.”

He smiles and caresses your shoulder. “It’ll pass. Let’s bandage it and take something for the pain.”

You smile giddily and hold onto his waist harder. “Tequila?” You ask.

“Duh.”

You pat his torso and interject. “I brought you your comfy shoes. Oh, and your harmonica! Maybe you’ll join in for a song? My Uncle Tommy and I plan to play a duet.”

He nods. “Maybe I will.”

It’s no clear answer but regardless you smile because you’ll get him to do what you want.

In any case with the people you were waiting on already here, you don’t linger any longer. You gather around the table to try and officially start dinner with Ellie sitting at the opposite end of the table to be as far away from your dad as possible so it’s hard for him to steal a glimpse of her, and easy for her to avoid looking at him.

You would do anything in your power for them to at least sit across each other so they could face one another. It’s not going to solve their problems no matter how much you want things to be that easy, but it would…ease your aching heart having Ellie be able to at least look him in the eye.

Alas, you don’t push it.

“Hey,” a soft voice speaks, making you look down to see your cousin Benji dragging a chair back to be able to sit next to your son's high chair. “Can I help you feed him?” Benji asks. “My dad let me feed him some snacks today.”

“You'll have to eat too. I can’t have you starving if you’re feeding your cousin,” you explain to your five-year-old cousin. “How can you grow up to be as strong and tall as your daddy then?”

Benji glances at your Uncle Tommy and then glances over at Apollo bringing Teddy over to sit him in his high chair. “I promise I’ll eat along with him too then. Can I?”

The corner of your lips pulls to a smile and you stop messing with him and nod. “‘Course you can. I needed help anyway.”

Benji grins and then turns to shake Teddy gently, causing the baby to blabble something back to him as he watches Benji sit down.

“Before we start eatin’,” your dad steals your attention and catches you off guard by speaking up first without having to be told to.

“I would just like to say…with this year coming to a close…that I’m grateful for having my grandson joining us for the first time this year. I'm looking forward to sharing many more years with him.”

You smile proudly and share your glee with Apollo before you focus back on your dad as he continues while he nervously scratches the back of his head.

“And I’m hoping that we…can gather like this. Like a family again. No matter what happened in the past it’s good to be amongst each other because we’re all we have…” he trails off to end his speech abruptly, so you and Apollo share a knowing look since you both conclude that the last bit of your dad's speech is about one person in particular. Ellie knows it too, you know she does, but she avoids all eye contact, making things awkward for all those who know what happened between her and your dad.

“Does anyone else want to add anything else?” Maria interjects and you all look around at one another in silence and curiosity until Jesse cuts in.

“I would just like to add one short thing,” he addresses the table. “Thank you for having Dina and I, here at this family dinner. It’s really an honor and I hope we didn’t intrude.”

“Of course not,” your Uncle Tommy assures him kindly. “You both are welcome anytime. You’re Ellie’s best friend’s, you’re like family.”

You nod gently in agreement and Dina interjects this time. “Thank you.”

Once again you all wait just in case someone wants to say something, but after a while of silence, Maria thankfully brings the moment to a close. “Okay, let’s eat then.”

You turn to grab your son's food and whisper to Apollo. “Kill me next time that happens.”

“You shoulda said something,” he says.

You scoff. “Nothing I said could’ve saved that.”

“No, but it would help us forget.”

You both laugh and then you turn to your son and show off his food. “Who wants to eat?” You ask in a sing-song voice, making his eyes go wide and his feet kick like wild. “You and me both,” you tell him.

Thankfully during dinner, there were no more awkward moments. Yes, you liked your dad's speech. It was sweet, and as much as you want him to mend things with Ellie, that last bit was too forward. He’s lucky she didn’t react whatsoever and make a scene.

Besides that, nevertheless, dinner was perfect, everyone got along, there were conversations had across the table, at the sides, and at the ends. Laughs were shared, and many drinks were poured. It makes it easy to forget what exists past the walls of your town, and it makes it easy to forget that no matter what’s between you and them you’re never safe as long as they’re alive. It adds a sense of doom to every moment as if it might be your last.

At least ever since your dad took Ellie from that hospital and killed every chance of a normal life, that’s something that’s lived in the back of your head. You make sure to keep it there, but it’s still there, pestering you and you know it.

Maybe that’s why you have come to enjoy every moment even more. Or maybe it’s because you have everything you could need in life. Whatever it is, you like to mark every moment as beautiful.

Yet nothing can compare to moments around a campfire with your family and music. You love those the most.

“Hey,” Dina directs at you as she drops herself on the empty seat next to you.

“Hello…Dina,” you probe as you tune your guitar with your baby strapped to your chest.

“I thought that maybe…maybe the day after tomorrow we could get Joel and Ellie together for a movie night,” she suggests knowing the tension but not knowing exactly why it was there—“we could watch Curtis and Viper. They like that movie.”

You stop tweaking your guitar to turn and face Dina with your eyes glimmering with joy. “That would be a good idea,” you praise her. “It’s not too obvious but just enough of a push,” you explain, making her nod in agreement with a smirk.

“Yeah exactly!” She exclaims. “So?”

You sigh. “You're gonna have to do it solo. I have to teach the kids choir and then the adult choir right after.”

Dina slumps down and hums in disappointment but you nudge her to assure her. “It’s okay, she’ll go if you do. As long as you’re there she’ll be there.”

Dina’s eyes flicker up to you and they widen a bit before she hides her smirk by looking down. She’s about to add something, but then you’re interrupted.

“What’s going on over here?” Ellie tries to join the conversation, ending the conversation you were just having so as to not ruin Dina’s plan.

“Suggesting. No, pleading that Sunshine here sings some Joan Baez. She really kills those songs,” Dina lies smoothly with a small smile directed at Ellie.

“Hm,” Ellie hums and looks between you and Dina, so you turn away to finish tuning your guitar whilst Dina gets up and points back. “I did promise Benji we’d play the tambourine together. So. Join me or…what?”

Ellie holds her gaze for a moment before she nods slowly. “It’s not like you’re asking.”

Dina giggles and shrugs before she turns away to join Benji, leaving Ellie to now stare down at you.

“You’re going tomorrow to the New Year's party, right?” You ask her to avoid getting questioned.

“Well,” she sighs. “There’s not much of a choice.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” You exclaim at her over your shoulder. “Do your hair, wear something clean and nice, and put on that nice perfume I made for you. And…be in a party mood.”

Ellie scoffs. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Bun or half up,” you tell her the options you like.

Ellie scoffs and touches her hair before she walks around you, blocking the warmth of the campfire. “I’ll do it if you allow me to go on that patrol with you and Jesse the day after tomorrow.”

You finally finish tuning your guitar and then face her with your lips pursed. “You’ll listen?” You deadpan.

She nods quickly but you don’t know if she actually means it. She has the tendency not to listen to orders or go by the book. It’s why you don’t like patrolling with her and especially not when Dina is tagging along. You like patrolling with them separately or else you just really lose your patience.

“Fine,” you give in, knowing that either way she was going to that event tomorrow. “Just don’t wear your beat-up Converse. Please.”

She rolls her eyes and nods. “Yeah, yeah.”

You watch her walk off to join Dina and Benji before you feel your little one moving, so you look down and notice that he woke up.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping Theo,” you whisper and he yawns and rubs his eyes before he begins to wiggle around, leaving you no choice but to take him out and sit him on your lap pressed against you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” you muse and kiss the top of his head. “Do you want to help me play today, hm?”

Teddy turns away from the guitar and nuzzles his head against your chest but stays wide awake instead of trying to fall back to sleep. Thereafter footsteps approach you from behind before a warm arm wraps your neck, filling your nose with their comforting scent, and wrapping your body with more warmth as he presses himself against you.

“What are you playing with Tommy?” Apollo asks before he presses a kiss on the top of your head.

“Something you can play too,” you let him know and grab his hand while he leans over to kiss the top of Teddy's head before pressing another kiss on your lips, making you smile giddily while not realizing that your dad couldn’t help but watch the tender moment from across the campfire.

“I like the sound of that,” Apollo says against your lips before he slips away to sit next to you instead.

“You ready, Sunny?” Your Uncle Tommy finally blurts, making you sit up straighter and grin.

“Of course. I always am!”

With nothing else to add and with nothing but pure joy and gleeful excitement, you start the jamming session. As the song picks up, your Uncle joins in with his own guitar, Apollo joins in with his harmonica, and Benji and Dina lastly join in with their tambourines, while Maria, Ellie, Jesse, and your dad listen with amusement.

That is until you abruptly stop and hand Teddy to Apollo before you jump up, stopping everyone in their tracks to look at you and wait.

“Oh my gosh!” You exclaim and look at your uncle and Maria. “Uncle Tommy, Maria, tell everyone about what we have planned for spring!” You squeal with your guitar in hand before you run behind your Uncle Tommy to wrap your arms around his neck with excitement, making him lift his hand to grab onto your arm.

“Oh,” Maria laughs quietly. “Yeah. Well it’s not set in stone, but we—”

“We have to talk to the council,” you cut her off as you can’t contain your excitement and hug your Uncle tighter. “But we want to do a spring fair!” You laugh and let go of your uncle to go sit back down next to Apollo while still drumming your feet against the ground.

“Sunny wants to do that for her birthday,” your Uncle shares what you left out and you nod eagerly.

“Course she does,” your dad mumbles while you continue.

“I heard that,” you point at him.

“Good,” he quips.

“Pft,” you blow out and go on. “And…” you trail off and nudge Apollo. “Tell ‘em, Darlin’!”

Apollo scoffs and smiles at you. As he parts his lips albeit you’re too excited to let him share the news. “We—”

“You’re having another baby!” Dina interrupts you just as excitedly, but you snap your fingers and shake your head.

“No. If we do the fair our band,” you continue and grab Apollo's arm to shake him gently. “M.A.M.A. is getting back together to play at the fair! Isn’t that so fun?!” You giggle and Jesse claps.

“Wait what,” Dina interjects with amusement and confusion. “You’re part of a band. What do you play?”

“Folk music mostly,” you share with glee.

“They’re good too,” Jesse shares with the group since he along with your uncle Tommy and Maria are the only ones who’ve heard you play.

“I of course am—”

“Lead,” Ellie continues for you, making your dad chuckle because she’s right.

“Exactly,” you direct at her. “And I sing with my guitar,” you continue and don’t share anything else about anyone else just your role. “We will play for the two days we want the fair to be.”

“We just need to talk to the council,” your uncle lets everyone know. “But we think it’ll be a good community event.”

You nod eagerly in agreement.

“Well you have your husband, your uncle, and Maria on the council so how hard will that be to get across,” Ellie inputs with a sly smirk, but you take no offense to it.

“That’s right,” Dina chimes in along with Ellie. “You’re like a Nepo baby.”

Again you take no offense to it. You just smile proudly. “Well if anyone had to take that role it would be me,” you gloat and press yourself against Apollo. “Okay. Can we continue playing?”

In response, Benji hands his instrument to Ellie.

“Wait where are you going?” Dina remarks as Benji runs around the fire to join your side

“Hey, can I sing with you?” He asks as he ignores Dina.

You smile and nod. “‘Course you can. I’ll play and you lead!”

He nods. “I want to sing the song you and my daddy play.”

“It Ain’t Me, Babe?” You ask and he nods—“Okay! Ready?”

“Always.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” You laugh and once again begin to play.

Now the session may not be perfect, but you don’t care, you love every second of it. Every second is perfect to you and you only wish the night could be filled with your music for eternity. You want nothing more but to stay playing music with your family. You want to see their smiles and see them enjoy themselves. You want to feel like you aren’t torn with Ellie and your dad’s estrangement, and being around the campfire playing music gave you a taste of that. It gave him a taste of it too even if they were far and never spoke because at least you were together.

And that’s all you could ask for, being all together.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

Between fall and winter, it’s been hard taking your son outside because your dad is right, medication is not the same as it was before, which means you need to be careful that he doesn’t get sick but you also need to make sure that he has a good immune system. Thus when you can you like taking your son with you to the animal pens to visit the gentler animals like the rabbits and the sheep for example. Plus it helps so he doesn’t grow up scared of them.

Albeit he doesn’t seem to share the same fascination for animals as you do. For example, a bunny seems to be curious about him sitting amongst them so it gently hops over, causing little Teddy to look up at you with concern and panic.

“It’s okay,” you assure him as you caress his cheek with your knuckle. “They won’t hurt you. They’re just curious, that's all.”

Teddy turns around to crawl to you so you pick him off the ground and sit him on your lap before you bend down to take a little bunny off the ground.

“Look,” you coo as you pet the bunny's head. “It's a baby just like you. He’s gentle just like Hermes.”

Theo hides his face against you so you gently cup his cheek with one hand to caress him too.

“You know your auntie Sarah liked bunnies too,” you tell your son. “Not as much as she liked butterflies, but she did want a rabbit because your grandpa didn’t want to deal with a dog until she was older.”

Teddy eyes the bunny you still hold and you slowly get the bunny close to him again. “In the spring we’ll be able to take them outside and we’ll all be in the meadow in our backyard so you can see the Rue flowers your grandpa and I planted for your grandma. They’re yellow and small. And then we’ll see the flowers we planted for Sarah. How will you like that?”

Teddy watches the bunny and then glances at you with uncertainty.

“It’s okay, we’ll try another time, hm?” You assure him and put the bunny down so it can hop back to the others, letting Teddy relax and put his hand out to call out for it now that it’s far. When he doesn't gain their attention he then drags himself off your lap and gets on his hands and knees to try and crawl close to the rabbits all huddled in one corner eating away.

You watch him to make sure he doesn’t pick anything off the ground and puts it in his mouth while also trying not to be too paranoid. Your dad says if you’re scared then they’ll be scared too, so you just watch him with awe. That’s all you can feel every day you set your eyes on him. You never thought you’d ever feel that way about anything ever and that’s not to say you don’t look at Apollo or anyone else you love with admiration, there’s just a different kind of admiration that you feel when you look at your son and you never knew such a tender thing existed until you first laid your eyes on him.

Alas, the door to the small animal barn opens and when you peek back you see your Uncle Tommy walking in.

“Hiya,” he greets with a warm smile. “Knew I’d find ya here.”

You smile sweetly and wait until he’s in the rabbit pen with you before you question why he has his rifle with him. “You just come back from shootin’?”

He nods as he watches Teddy watching the rabbits now that they’re not near him. “Yeah.”

“Did Ellie end up going with you?” You probe knowing the answer to that since she had told you about it and asked you to go to be in quote “like old times”, when you know she wanted to make shooting infected a competition.

“She wouldn’t miss it even if I tried to make her,” your Uncle says. “But then again I tell myself that it’s best to do what she wants and not what Joel wants.”

You nod in agreement as you watch Teddy crawl back to you with eagerness after he’s spotted his Uncle Tommy.

“Exactly. You’ll only get her mad if you try to interfere. It’s like I tell my dad, it’s best to let her be. She doesn’t need us looking after her anymore. She’ll learn from her mistakes.”

“Try to make him understand,” he grumbles and grins widely as Teddy finally reaches him. “Hey, Teddy! What are you doin’, huh? Are you chasing those rabbits?”

You roll your eyes and scoff as Teddy babbles and pushes himself to his feet using your uncle's knee.

“Just a couple more months and you’ll have a hard time catching up to him,” your uncle says as he picks Teddy off the ground to carry him in his arms. “You’ll be nothing like your mama, will ya, little Teddy Bear? All she wanted to do was be carried by me or her daddy at your age.”

Your uncle tickles Teddy’s belly, making the baby giggle before he throws himself on his uncle's shoulder and pats his back as if it’s been years since he last saw him.

“How was it?” You ask your uncle as you stand to your given height and walk over to pick a bunny off the ground to keep it toasty and warm in your arms.

“Oh, you know,” your uncle sighs as he rubs your son's back. “There’s only more and more coming down.”

You gently rub the bunny's head and sigh deeply even though you already knew that. You just hoped it had changed since the last time you went to patrol.

“I wanted to ask you if you could go out there and scout. Come up with a way to divert the infected away from town before we have a herd in our hands we can’t control. I know.” He nods. “I know you don’t want to put yourself at risk with your little one here now, but with Eugene gone, there’s only so many people with the experience I need who can come up with something that will work.”

You glance at the bunny and watch it nod to sleep as you lull it with the way you pet its head. “I’ve been going on Patrol’s because there’s been an influx of infected,” you remind him so he doesn’t beat himself up.

“I know,” he whispers. “But I just…” he trails off. “Your dad is right. You and Apollo need to avoid risking your lives if it’s not necessary.”

You smile softly and glance up at him. “And he says Apollo is eager to work with him,” you mention.

Your uncle chuckles and Teddy lifts his head off your uncle's shoulder to look between you and your uncle out of curiosity—“Apollo is eager and he’s good at all of it. He could replace your dad if he wanted to, but your dad…puts him on the schedule more than he should. It’s his way of caring without saying it.”

You smile proudly and nod softly before you reassure your uncle about his concern. “It’s okay. Hopefully, this is a temporary problem. Plus I won’t go scout alone. Nor will I conduct the plan alone when the day comes.”

Your uncle looks unsure but he really does trust you more than anyone, so even if he doesn’t want to he has to rely on you.

“With Mia needed at the hospital. Atlas working at the Dam, and Apollo with his hands busy with all that plannin’ and construction is it fine if I take Jesse?”

Your uncle nods right away. “Yeah, of course. The kid is smart.”

You nod in agreement with a smirk. “He is and he listens better than Ellie, that’s why I like teaming up with him.”

Your uncle chuckles.

“But I’ll take her too. I won’t have her cooped up here just because the old man wants it.”

“Uh, yeah that ain’t goin’ to work. She’s leavin’ with Alpine group. You need more people though? I can go or Maria can go too.” He offers but you shake your head.

“No, no, it’s not that I needed more people. Jesse and I will be okay on our own. I just wanted to take Ellie. That’s all,” you let him know before you put the bunny down to start heading out of the pen now that you have a new task.

“Where are you heading after this?” You ask your uncle as he follows after you with your son still in his arms.

“I’m going to meet up with your dad and Maria.”

You nod in comprehension before you slow down to let him catch up before you ask what you need from him now. “If that’s so could you take Teddy with you? His dad should be off work real soon so it won’t be long, but I need to go get ready so I can head out sooner rather than later. I’ll let Apollo know, so you just need to watch him. Could you do that for me?” You ask and bat your lashes even though his answer is easy to guess.

“Of course I can. The little guy isn’t fussy and Benji loves to look after him.” Your uncle assures you, making you sigh with relief and smile tenderly.

“Great, thank you, that saves me a lotta time.” You ramble and hook your arm around his as you head out of the barn and face the bitter outdoors. “Also can we talk about last night? That speech,” you laugh awkwardly and your uncle laughs with you—“I appreciate my dad for tryin’ but couldn’t he have been more obvious?!”

“That’s what I told Maria, but she doesn’t get it like you do.” He teases. “He just needs to let Ellie breathe. That’s all she needs. He’s lucky she wants to be in the same room as him as it is. He’s only pushing it.”

You sigh and nod lightly. “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying, but he’s in denial. He doesn’t want to admit he did something wrong. Until he does nothing will change and I won’t be a part of it. As Ellie’s family member stuck in the middle, she deserves that from me at least.”

“It’s a real sticky situation, but that’s good Sunny,” your uncle praises you. “And it’s a good thing you didn’t say anythin’ last night either. Nothing could have saved that.”

You giggle and shake your head. “No, I know.”

You smile faintly and add nothing else on the matter. You continue walking together until you have to take your separate paths, so while your uncle walks to where he's heading to with your son, you let Apollo know the new plan. And since there’s not much Apollo can say but be careful and that he understands what he needs to do, you don’t take long to go get ready for your scouting mission, nor do you take long to head out to the horse barn by the gates, catching the Alpine group on their way out.

Thus you hide in the background so Ellie and Dina don’t notice you and make a big deal. Albeit you do notice that Ellie’s ex-girlfriend Kat is in the same group, so Godspeed to her for having to deal with Dina and Ellie together. They’re like…little devils when they’re paired up.

“You’re doing the Alpine run,” you hear Jesse announce. “I know a couple of you are new to this trail, so listen up. You’re taking Route 191 down to Hoback…” he trails off as Dina catches his attention when she raises her hand, which knowing her is nothing good or something completely surprisingly smart.

“Yes, Dina,” he picks on her, letting her share what she needs to say.

“Hi, uhm, should we stick to the roads, scan the countryside, hit our checkpoints, and sign the log books?”

You roll your eyes but you still can’t help but be amused.

“You know what?” You hear Jesse say. “That sounds great. But while you’re doing all that, we’ve got reports of strays. So be careful when you get into the town,” he says as he hands the others the flags for today. “Now, I see Ellie over here looking like Curtis and Viper.”

You chuckle and clap softly, knowing that neither of them caught you.

“The fuck?” You hear Ellie remark before Jesse continues.

“So, let me remind you, this is just a recon patrol. If you see one or two runners, that’s fine, clear ‘em out. Anything more, anything worse you come on back and we send out a squad. Understood?”

“You know you’re only, like four years older than us, right?” Ellie interjects and Jesse thankfully ignores her.

“Just say you understood.”

Ellie nods and mocks him using that deep voice. “Understood.”

“Thank you!” He exclaims and turns around to give the people at the gate a signal to open the doors. “Your patrol leader is Kat, so you will follow her orders. When you’re back, today's all-clear sign is yellow. Yellow, good. Green, bad.” He finishes saying before he walks over to Dina and Ellie to hand them their flags and tell them something you don’t catch, so you just wait until the team is walking out the door before you break away from your spot, and head towards Jesse who's already expecting you actually because he saw you a couple times while he was giving his instructions.

“Hey,” you greet him warmly when you meet halfway. “How’s your day been?”

He shrugs. “Can't complain,” he says. “You?”

You shake your head gently. “I can’t complain either. Had a slow start today, so I’m fully energized for later. You goin’ right?”

He sighs as he turns away to head back to the barn knowing you’ll follow without having to be told. “Only for a little bit.”

You scoff. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun! I mean there’s gonna be music and drinks. And it’s gonna be fun.”

He draws out a small breath and drops his head as he shrugs. “I don’t know. We do have early patrol and you and Apollo do end the night early, so where’s the fun in that?”

You chuckle. “Well we do have a ten-month-old who we have to tend to and it’s just…well, if you have a kid you’ll know, but the day is always busy. Anyway, we can talk about that later, I came to you for a reason. Would you want to come with me on a quick scouting mission? Just up to the Ski Lodge. We won’t take long, and if you’re busy then it’s okay. It just didn’t hurt to ask.”

Jesse raises his head to look at you and without thinking too much about his response he nods. “Yeah, I’d like that actually. You heading out now?”

You nod to answer his question, so without dragging it out any longer since you’re both already ready to head out, you just have a horse saddled, and take your preferred weapons for protection since you’re not supposed to be out there killing anything.

“Oh,” you add as you walk past the front gate. “Ellie is coming with us tomorrow by the way. She thought she was making a deal but I knew she was going to the party tonight regardless so,” you let him know.

“So she was trying to manipulate you,” he says and you laugh softly and add on.

“She attempted.”

He laughs and you secure your grip around your reins before you scan the area, catching nothing but a snowy field. Yet you still look out.

“Are you taking Dina tonight?” You ask as you keep your eyes out.

“Uhm, no…we broke up.”

You scoff and quickly snap your attention to him to look at him with surprise. “What? When did it happen? You guys got to my dad's place together.”

He nods and averts his gaze to take his turn keeping an eye out. “Yeah well we all ran into each other, so that was just a coincidence, but yeah it just happened.”

“Aw man,” you sigh with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Jesse-boy.”

He shrugs and glances over at you. “You know I’m getting used to it so it doesn’t matter.”

You hum and he doesn’t let his eyes linger, but he holds your gaze for a moment too long so you notice the speechless cry for help and wedge yourself in whether he wants your help or not.

“Now, I’m going to give you my unsolicited advice here, okay?” You warn him, earning a quick acknowledging glance.

“Please, go ahead. I don’t mind. Especially when it comes from you, you know that,” he says kindly so you sigh and let your eyes linger on him for a while before you look at your path ahead and draw in a breath to share your thoughts.

“Have you tried permanently breaking up? I just mean it’s your whatever time breaking up, maybe the healthiest thing will be to take your time apart. Figure yourselves out, maybe test new waters. You have options here in Jackson, you know? Take advantage of it, and who knows.” You shrug with a soft look on your face so he knows you’re just trying your best to be helpful and share your concern. “Maybe a couple of years down the line, you’ll wind up back together stronger than before.”

You take your eyes off the white blanketed fields broken by other horse tracks and look over at him, catching him watching the area around you in a rather stoic way before his shoulders rise as he takes a deep breath and then glances over at you and breathes out. “Maybe you’re right. It's just easy with her you know? We know each other. We can skip all the formalities and get back to it,” he opens himself up to you so you take it more seriously.

“Yeah, I bet, but it can’t be healthy for either of you to continue this cycle,” you argue. “I mean I know I don’t have much experience in the area. My first serious boyfriend died…and I married the other one who was already my best friend, but I like to think I can still differentiate between what’s good and what’s not.”

Jesse finds your gaze and holds it for a moment before he shrugs softly. “I’d rather have little experience with something long-term like you and Apollo than go from partner to partner, so I don’t mind your little experience actually. I mean you and Apollo look happy, are you not?”

You smile with admiration and nod. “Yeah we are but we both actually loved someone else before we became more than just friends. So you can love more than one person.”

Jesse nods gently and sighs deeply.

“Think about it,” you tell him so he doesn’t have so much on his mind now. “Consider it. You can go on as you are or try and move on.”

“Thank you,” he says without sharing if he came up with something or not. “I can’t really get advice like this from Ellie, you know? She’s…awkward about this stuff and well none of my other friends have advice like you and Apollo.”

“So we’re old?” You tease and he looks at you wide-eyed and shakes his head, so you giggle and reassure him. “I’m messin’ with ya. I take pride in having some mature advice.” You flash him a smile. “Especially for someone who doesn’t tease me at the end because she can’t just say thank you. She has to be weird about it. Just like my dad.”

“I swear,” Jesse chuckles. “If I didn’t know them like I do, I’d think they’re blood-related.”

You touch your chest and nod. “Right? I get scared sometimes and I’m like ‘hey are ya sure Ellie isn’t somehow your kid too’?”

“It’s unbelievable sometimes.”

You nod softly in agreement as you guide your horses to do a turn so you can head up the hill that takes you to the lodge just above. And since it’s not snowing, getting up to the lodge is easy. It is cold, but that doesn’t slow the horses down like when falling snow makes the walk harder to trudge on or obscures their view.

Nevertheless, when you reach the lodge Jesse finally asks why you’re here. The guy had just completely followed you without question. This could’ve been just an escape for all he knew and he still followed.

“So why did we come here?”

You grab the telescope that’s inside the lodge and begin dragging it with you to the porch. “My uncle Tommy wants to divert the crowd of infected away from Jackson, so he sent me up here to come up with a plan to avoid having a herd gather up too close for comfort.”

“Oh, I see. Okay. That’s smart.” He says as he jogs ahead to open the back doors for you so you can walk out with ease.

“I’m thinking fireworks,” you share what you’ve come up with. “It’s loud enough for stragglers and crowds of them to hear. And with them working with a hive mind, once one follows they all do, so fireworks are loud and big enough to trigger that.”

You place the telescope down and turn it to point it out so you can take a quick scan before you step away and point your head to the scope. “Do you want to take a look, share something quick you can come up with?” You direct at Jesse, and without hesitation, he fixes the collar of his jacket and his gloves before he steps forward and takes a longer look than you did so he can make sure to look at every point and corner.

You like to think you have memorized the area so you didn’t need time to look, you were already cooking up a plan, but it was still smart to come scout before you put something down on paper.

“Well,” Jesse fills the silence and backs up slowly. “It wouldn’t be smart to lead them forward. There’s the dam, and we’ll just risk them turning around because of the rivers.”

You nod slowly in agreement with a proud look decorating your features.

“Plus,” he adds on. “Any infected behind Jackson will come forward and run into town. The same goes if we want to work the other way around.”

“Yes,” you praise him and step forward to look through the telescope and look out at some mountains to the side of Jackson. “So I was thinking we take the lowest path in between the mountains just there.” You point out and move back so he can take a look. “It’s far enough so if any avalanches happen they won’t hit us or any hunting grounds, and easy for us to cross as well as them.”

“Yeah,” Jesse interjects. “I see.”

“We get ahead of the infected first and then set off the fireworks. We wait and when we see movement we just move back once.”

“Then we circle around and come back,” Jesse shares exactly what you were thinking about. “We watch where they’re coming from and since we’ll be at lower altitude we’ll have plenty of space to take any path around them.”

You grin and nod. “Exactly!” You exclaim and then point out. “If they do get closer we can make explosives. Create an avalanche to block their way to us.”

He huffs. “You learn that from Eugene? He was very tactical.”

You scoff and nod. “Some of it. The Fireflies loved blowing shit up. I was young then so I didn’t do much of the action, but I still learned a lot from them. We all did, and that’s why we need to look out and see if we can come up with other alternatives until we have enough to choose one that has the highest chance of being successful.”

Jesse grins and claps gently. “Okay, let’s do it. I’m so down.”

“Good.” You smile softly and point your head at the telescope before you return to it to do as you said.

——

*LATER THAT NIGHT*

“Henry, gimme the gun.” Your dad pleads softly.

“Henry. Henry, please.”

His eyes find you through his shock, they’re struck with fear and clouded with tears. You carefully try to reach out for the gun glued to his hand while your dad keeps pleading.

“Gimme the gun. Gimme the gun.”

You plead too in disparate attempts to get the gun from his hand whilst your own heart gets struck with fear over the fact that you don’t know what he’s going to do next, but you also feel a twinge of hope as he remains still because it means he can put the gun down, but then…

The next thing you know his blood stains your clothes as you cradle his lifeless body in your hands...

You used to imagine and dream of how life could’ve been with Henry when you finally returned to Jackson and stayed long-term, and you always pictured a sweet life. You probably would’ve had a kid too, or at least you would’ve liked one. He would have a happy life in Jackson, or at least you liked to think so.

Once you started falling in love with Apollo and when your grief turned to fond memories, you stopped dreaming and imagining a life you could never have. Instead, your dreams drew up Apollo and your life with him. You imagined so many great and sweet things, and now everything you have imagined has come to flourishion. Most importantly you’re happy—no you’re beyond happy with your life, and the thought of Henry being happy and proud of your life and the fact that you moved on makes you happy.

“Hey, you ready in here? I’m getting hungry,” Apollo announces his presence as walks into your shared room with your baby in hand.

“Oh,” you gasp and clutch onto the sunpin in your hand before you turn to face him, noticing his lips spread to a cheeky smile.

“Look at you,” he muses as he looks at you up and down slowly before he breaks away from where he is to approach you. “You look beautiful.”

You smile timidly and drop your head. “Thank you,” you whisper as if it’s your first time hearing it. “You,” draw in a deep breath and lift your head to check him out in his black and white plaid wool overcoat. “You look incredibly handsome. I almost don’t want to go to that party.”

He chuckles and grabs his chest. “Oh, you hit me right in my weak spot.”

You giggle and close the gap between you, letting him stroke your chin with his pupils completely blown out and his lips turned to a smirk. “There’s no need to celebrate New Year's because I have everything I could ever want,” he whispers and slides his hand to your jaw to pull you in for a gentle kiss before you’re interrupted by your son yelling out.

“Oh, why you look the best, Teddy,” you direct at Theo as you press your hands on Apollo’s chest and smile brightly at your son. “You always do.”

He babbles and you and Apollo laugh.

“Oh you’re ready to go, are you? Have someone to see?” You tease and pinch his cheek, making him giggle, and then reach his arms out so you could hold him instead—“Okay, hold on, let me get my shawl first.”

With haste you walk away to grab your light blue shawl off the bed and drape it around your shoulders, completing your outfit and coordinating the blue shawl with your white shin-length dress that has flowers embroidered on it.

Before you announce that you’re finished, however, you put the pin back on your picture wall and admire it for a second before you face your family and offer their impatience some relief. “Okay, let’s go.”

You proceed to try and take Teddy, but he changes his mind and stays with his dad so you hook your arm around Apollo’s and walk to the church where the party is being held.

“Maybe we should’ve brought his stroller,” you say when you’re more than halfway at your destination.

“Please,” Apollo scoffs. “I’m sure there will be plenty of arms for him to go to. It’s a miracle he even wants to start walking.”

You hum and press the side of your face against his shoulder and think out loud. “I wonder if Ellie will make it.”

“I’m sure she will. Her friends will be here and even if she tries to play cool she will be where her family and friends are. She doesn’t like missing out,” he tries to assure you. “Yeah, you’re right.” You sigh and choose to believe it so your stomach is not in knots. “Anyway thank you for letting me take a longer nap. I think you should have woken me up because you were out there—”

“Eh, eh,” Apollo cuts you off and drifts his eyes to you. “Stop that. I told you we’re not going to do that. Our home life is not a job, okay?”

You draw out a small breathless chuckle and nod before you kiss his shoulder and nuzzle against him again.

“I will say though,” he interjects. “This did earn me cool points and now I’m maxed out.”

You lift your head off his shoulder and giggle before you pull him incredibly closer. “There will be a lot of arms to hold our little Teddy Bear, we could sneak out.”

“Ah, like a couple of horny teenagers.” He grins. “I like that. Hot.”

“Well we’re not teenagers, but we are horny adults.”

He snorts and nods his head. He seems like he wants to say something witty but then Teddy yells out, “Pa!” and flings himself forward. You and Apollo follow his line of gaze and catch your dad approaching the church completely unaware you’re behind him since he’s partially deaf and probably has shitty eyesight.

“Daddy!” You call out and break away from Apollo, catching your dad's attention and making him stop in his tracks to look over and smile immediately.

“Hey,” he greets happily.

You quicken your step to reach him and greet him with a gentle embrace while he takes this time to kiss the top of your head before he offers you a more personal greeting.

“Hey, Baby. You look real pretty.”

“And you look clean and well put together,” you tease, making him roll his eyes.

“Yeah after I was threatened.”

You roll your eyes now and push him gently before you fight back. “Advised kindly.” You say and turn as Apollo catches up to you.

“Hello again, Apollo,” your dad directs at your husband.

“Sir,” Apollo says with a faint smile before he’s interrupted by Teddy reaching out for his grandpa which only makes your dad incredibly happy.

“Hey there Teddy,” he muses and takes him from Apollo. “You’re lookin’ like a real nice gentleman, cowboy.”

Teddy looks at him with his eyes bright and full of adoration and tries to say something but his inability to speak coherently only lets him babble.

“Look what you forgot at my house,” your dad mentions and reaches in his back pocket to pull out Teddy’s wooden horse that your dad made, and that Teddy absolutely loves. Thus he quickly snatches it from your dad and starts chewing on it.

“And you’re matchin’” you point out the blue flannel Teddy is wearing under his overalls.

Your dad finally catches the flannel and grins. “Well, would you look at that? Aren’t we a dapper pair?”

You smile with awe and watch him turn to continue heading inside. You and Apollo follow after them and only grow more eager to head inside and join the party when you’re hit with the most delicious smell of grilled food and finally register the soft folk music playing inside.

“Before I forget,” your dad interjects and peers back. “After patrol is it okay if I pick up Theo from daycare? You could pick him up at your usual time? Is that fine?”

You and Apollo share a speechless look since you both know your answer without having to communicate it.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll pack his stuff then.” You let him know, so right away your dad looks at your son and grabs his little hand to dance it around.

“You hear that? We’re gonna be spendin’ our time together tomorrow. Would you like to go on a horse ride? You like those.” You hear him tell the baby before he opens the door of the church and lets you and Apollo walk in first where you’re greeted by bright warm lights hanging from the ceiling, and a lively vibe from the community as they’re mingling and enjoying the holiday party, reminding every single person amongst the crowd how beautiful humanity can be when you’re not concerned about monsters.

“Hello, Holloways!” People greet you and Apollo and you kindly greet everyone back while making small talk with others, losing your dad and Teddy in the process, but not worrying at all because you trust your dad completely.

Eventually, after you make your rounds you both flock towards Atlas and Mia as she’s with Gail, a woman she considers her mom and a woman you’ve known for a long time now.

“Happy Birthday, Gail,” you say in a sing-song voice as you startle her before you hug her from behind.

“Thank you again,” she drops her conversation with Mia to address you. “You know it's bad manners to scare your elderly.”

“Oh,” Atlas brushes her off. “Now, now, you have the mighty spirit of a forty-year-old. Don’t worry.”

You giggle and hug her one more time before you walk away and plop yourself next to Mia and her husband.

“Thank you once again for the flowers,” Gail directs at you and Apollo. “They go very well with my dining room.”

“Specially grown for you,” you let her know sweetly. “They’re your favorite after all.”

She hums and raises her cup of alcohol to you with a half smile.

“Where’s Teddy?” Mia asks, making Apollo groan as he sits next to Gail and drapes his arm around her shoulders.

“You know it’s a miracle you even notice us anymore. That goes for everyone here.”

“Aw, are you jealous of your baby, bro?” Atlas teases him as he throws his napkin at him. “It’s not our fault your kid is way more interesting than you.”

Apollo leans forward toward his brother pretending like he’s going to retort, but instead, he grabs a handful of his fries and shoves it into his mouth, making Atlas gasp and threaten him.

“Do it again I dare you.”

Apollo chews louder and Atlas then smirks in return before he grabs his second hot dog and pushes it toward you, so you open your mouth to take a bite, but he then leans in and takes a bite from the other end, causing condiments he piled on to spill out and drop on the ground by your feet.

“Great,” you remark and stand up. “You eat like a pig.”

He shrugs. “It's just spilled condiments, Sunny-D.”

You walk around him and walk away to head to the bar and swipe four shots off the bar before you then change your course to your uncle, Maria, and your dad all gathered at one table while also greeting people you pass by.

“The party is here!” You holler and set the cups down. “Nothing like tequila on an empty stomach.”

“You’re not serious are you?” Your dad snaps at you and you take your cup while you pass Maria and your uncle their own cup so you can clink your cups.

“No,” you lie to your dad. “I know better.” You nod stiffly and share a smile with your uncle and Maria before you down your shots.

“That’s the stuff,” your uncle mumbles and sets the cup down before he beams at you. “You’re not gonna repeat your 26th birthday on me are ya Sunny?” He probes cheekily.

“Ugh,” you groan and sit back. “That headache the next day was horrible, but,” you snap your fingers. “It was fun, so we might have to save our voices to sing down the street again.”

“Getting bad hangovers is a sign of gettin’ old,” your dad breaks his silence, making you slowly drift your eyes to him to shoot him a glare—“maybe that’s a sign to quit.”

You prop your elbow on the table to rest your chin on your hand and rebuttal sassily. “Have you quit?”

He looks at you speechlessly and you scoff and lift your head off your hand, catching your son crawling on the table with his wooden horse to try and reach the shot for Apollo, but your uncle is quick to push it away.

“Ah, ah, you’ll have to wait at least 18 years for that, Teddy.”

Said baby pouts so your uncle snatches him off the table and rises off his seat to start throwing Teddy in the air and catching him, making the baby laugh with immeasurable amusement.

“Where’s your sister?” Maria now directs at you and you meet her gaze and shrug.

“I don’t know. I did not want to stop by her place because she gets mad if I rush her,” you mention and look around, noticing Jesse walking out the back with Apollo—“Jesse is here, so I imagine she’ll be here soon.”

“The last time I saw her she was in her room,” your dad says, avoiding the fact that the garage is basically her house now, not just a room. “Still not ready.”

You sigh and then take a look at him to change the subject. “Well you did your hair,” you pause and lean in to take a sniff. “And you smell nice.”

“Well those are the same clothes from this morning,” Maria snitches on your dad, making him scoff and glare at her before he grabs his cup of whisky and shakes his head in disapproval.

“Like it matters,” he grumbles.

“It truly, really does,” you say and pat his shoulders. “But it’s okay. You look…clean so we’ll be okay. Just, you know, no grumpy face. Try and look…out-going.”

He sighs and takes a longer drink.

“Me and Maria know some good ladies he can talk to,” your uncle Tommy now chimes in. “They’re here. Do you want us to introduce you?”

“No.”

“Yes,” you and your dad answer with the opposite at the same time, making Maria chuckle before she gets off her seat.

“Come on you two,” she directs at your uncle and Teddy. “Let’s go check on Benji, make sure he hasn’t taken his hat off. We’ll be back,” she tells you over her shoulder so you throw her a thumbs up and watch them take your son outside while also catching your husband and Jesse coming back inside with plates of food.

“You talk to Ellie or did you just barge in?” You now dig deeper since you’re alone for a few seconds.

“I,” your dad pauses and then continues as he seems to gather his thoughts. “Checked up on her. Saw her guitar needed some fixin’ and took it. That’s it.”

“Just,” you sigh. “Remember to give her space, okay? I know she can close herself off, but she needs it.”

“It’s that garage,” he mutters as he looks at his cup. “I just…I don’t know.”

You look at him with pity and pat his hand before you direct your attention to Jesse and Apollo as they reach the table and take the seats your uncle and Maria were at.

“Here, darling,” Apollo says as he passes you a plate. “I saw Teddy with Tommy and Maria. He didn’t even bat an eye.”

You giggle. “Yeah, wouldn’t count on it, he’s outside going toward the older kids.”

“He thinks he’s grown like them,” your dad interjects and you nod softly in agreement.

“He’d run if he could,” you add and then pass him a plate of food Jesse brought for your dad.

“Getting drunk?” You direct at Jesse before you take a bite of food.

“No, early patrol,” he says, making you and Apollo both smile teasingly before you interject when you've swallowed.

“Come on loosen up a little, Jesse-boy. It’s okay to be late once in a blue moon. It’s New Year’s Eve, we’ll understand. And if you sleep in tomorrow it’s no worries.” You try to advise him, but he shrugs as he seems unsure.

“I don’t know. People are relying on me…”

“Yes,” Apollo agrees. “But you’re also still young living in an apocalypse. It’s okay to be young and irresponsible. That’s why we’re here. They can rely on us.”

Jesse looks between you and Apollo and remains quiet but you see the wheels behind his eyes turning.

“You’re both really bad influences,” he says with his mouth full of food, making you and Apollo share an amused look.

“But they’re also right, Jesse. And that’s coming from an old man. Don’t wear yourself out so young, hm? You ain’t a dad, nor do you have a wife. Once you do then you can carry more weight on your shoulders because they’ll rely on you, but for now…breathe.”

Jesse blinks and looks down at his food before he nods softly. “Thank you, Joel.”

You smile before you continue eating, brushing aside your conversation and moving on to other insignificant matters that come up while you’re at the table.

More drinks are brought to the table by you, Apollo, his brother, and Mia, but Jesse never takes it too far. He babysits his same drink for long periods of time while your dad also doesn’t move or try to do what you told him. Which is annoying, but you also can’t force him so you leave him be, plus…he does help with Theo by taking care of him while you and Apollo go around the church mingling hand in hand.

Now you aren’t as popular as Maria, but Apollo and you do have good reputations in Jackson. You’re both very well-liked; Apollo for his dedication and work to Jackson, and you for your plays, dedication, and as Dina likes to tease, because of your relationships with the higher-ups of Jackson. It’s why you’re so sought after at the party. Eventually, Ellie arrives with Dina, but you’re stuck in conversations with people that you can’t get out of.

Some people have feedback and complaints. Some people just genuinely want to talk, and others ask about your baby and your personal life. Some even think you’re always on the clock and ask for help, but you tell them you can help them some other time.

It’s a miracle you can find an escape since you’re pulled deeper into the crowd, but when you do, you and Apollo turn your talks of a rendezvous into a reality away from the crowds and into some cold and secluded corner.

“Are you going to keep your wife warm, Mr Holloway?” You tease cheekily, making him smirk.

“I would hate to let such a pretty thing suffer any kind of discomfort,” he plays along while you lift your hands to cradle his face with your hands wrapped with your warm shawl—“so you tell me where it is you feel that bitter cold the most.”

“Why don’t you just try and find the spot and I’ll tell you if you got it, hm? Like a game.”

Apollo snickers and drags a hand away from your waist to slowly slide it up your figure and reach your jaw to cup it before leaning in to press a kiss on it.

“There?” He whispers and you draw in a heavy breath before breathing out your response.

“No.”

He smiles against your flesh, you feel his lips rise before he presses a wet kiss below your jaw. Yet that’s not the spot so you hum your disapproval, making him drag his lips by your ear.

“No, cold,” you let him know and he grips onto you tighter while gently tilting your head his way so your lips can brush against each other. Yet before he can actually mesh your lips together he moves up to kiss the tip of your nose.

“How about now?”

You giggle and shake your head, so he presses a kiss on your right cheek and then on your left before trailing his lips up to kiss your forehead. However, neither place is the right one so he lastly pulls your hand off his face to kiss the tip of each finger.

Even then he doesn’t get it right so he puts your hand back on his cheek to let you stroke his face before you drag your hand back to hold the side of his head tenderly while you look at him just the same way.

“Do you give up?” You ask and he scoffs and shakes his head before he finally feeds your craving by pressing a light feathered kiss on your lips.

“There, my darling?” He queries and meets your gaze just between his lashes.

“There,” you whisper before you can’t contain yourself a moment longer. You smash your lips against his and completely lead him into a slow heated kiss.

Any other day this would be grounds to go home and continue in the comfort of your shared room, but you’re outside now, attending a party, so you don’t tug at your clothes. You just let your hands roam, lighting up a fiery path down and up your bodies that make you forget the cold.

You may have eaten your fill when you were inside, but right now in your secluded corner, you’re devouring each other as if you’re starved, only fueling each other's need with groans and moans of satisfaction.

If you weren’t so busy with each other you’d hear the pounding of each other’s hearts running in the same hasty beat, but you’re so consumed with one another that you only know that you want more and more until…you reach a danger point and force yourselves to stop.

“Warm now?” He probes as he drags his nose across your cheek to press a kiss on your neck.

“Burning.”

Apollo smiles at your response and forces himself to pull away to face you.

“I’m afraid my fire won’t be turned off soon, but why don’t you distract me by dancing with me?” He asks as he offers you his hand.

You sigh. “Well we have to do what we have to do, don’t we?”

He smirks and before you could actually freeze you hurry back inside. Yet before you can connect at the dance floor, you go and grab just one more drink at the bar, finding none other than Jesse and Ellie.

“Hey!” You exclaim completely drunk by your passionate escape. “You’re finally here.”

Ellie leans in and sniffs you before her eyes drift past your shoulder, finding your husband before she looks back at you and quips. “And you’ve been…not here.”

You giggle as you swipe the drinks off the bar. “You’re dressed nicely and you did your hair. Good, now dance, loosen up. Right, Jesse?” You ask and look at the man you had talked to before.

“Just—sure,” he changes what he was going to say as you narrow your eyes on him. “If you are not going to make it tomorrow let someone know.”

You raise your brow and shoot him a smug look. “I’m not wasted, just drunk off…excitement and joy. I’ll be there, and so will Ellie. On time, right?”

“What was that about being young?” She retorts like a smart ass, so you've decided you’ve had enough and start backing away.

Before you can leave the pair though, Ellie takes a step toward you to uncover your shoulder. “Nice tattoo,” she says smugly.

You glance down at the sun tattoo that she drew on your shoulder and scoff before you look at her with a half smile. “Thanks. Someone dear to me drew it for me.”

She hums as she crosses her arms over her chest. “I bet she’s cool.”

You drop your smile and shake your head. “You ruined it,” you remark and turn around, hearing her laugh as you walk away and head toward the dance floor with drinks in your hand.

At first, the crowd of dancing bodies makes it hard to find Apollo, but then as if the crowd knew of your yearning souls, they part ways for you to find one another, and there in the middle of the sea of bodies, across from you on the dance floor is him, waiting for you.

The moment Apollo’s eyes land on you, his eyes grow small and get brighter as the corner of his lips lift to a bright star-struck grin. All while you slow down to a brief stop to take him in and memorize this moment as he stands there under the warm twinkling yellow lights with his charming smile that only brightens the room.

Once you’ve marked down every single inch of him you start to sway your shoulders to the music as you continue walking toward him.

Apollo laughs before he walks to you to meet you halfway and grab his drink so you can both chug it before he takes your hand to take you over and place the cups on a random table. Once they’re disposed of he guides you back to where you were, and gently places his hand on your waist, making your eyes fall on his touch before you’re surprised by his roughness when he wraps his arm around you and pulls you against him so you’re pressed against each other, leaving no space in the middle, and letting you feel each others thumping heartbeats.

“You look absolutely beautiful tonight,” he compliments you as you wrap your arms around his neck and start swaying to the music, while he strokes your cheek with his other hand before he grips onto your waist with both hands.

“I love you,” you tell him in a honey-laced voice as you look at him as if it was just you and him alone in this room.

“I love you too,” he whispers back against your lips as he presses his forehead against yours.

You smile giddily before you mold your lips against his and savor the sweet taste of his lips without caring enough to stop. You’re so lost in each other that you forget you’re in a crowd of people. You remember to dance. You just don’t pay any attention to the people around you.

And maybe it would’ve been a good idea staying oblivious, but as the saying goes, good things come to an end.

As if caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, you pull away from Apollo and gasp for air whilst gripping onto the back of his neck, while he takes heavy breaths and holds onto your waist tightly.

“Hey…it’s a family event,” you catch Seth saying and think it’s directed at you and Apollo, but when you look over you see that his attention is on Dina and Ellie.

“Sorry,” Dina says for her and Ellie, and you see them trying to walk away, but Seth keeps staring them down with his face red. “Sorry!” Dina says again but louder this time, causing you to look at Apollo for help, but he rubs your sides gently to try and assure you.

“You’re in a church,” Seth mutters as Dina grabs Ellie by the hand and tries to take her away. “Dykes.”

You gasp and drag your hand down to grab Apollo’s arm with shock, disgust, and concern.

“What the fuck did you just say?” You hear Ellie exclaim as she spins around to storm toward Seth, whilst Dina quickly turns with Ellie and takes her hand to try and pull her away before she can cause a bigger commotion. Not like she should stop Ellie from showing Seth a lesson.

“Ellie, no. Ellie!”

You grip tighter onto Apollo and look at him with concern, but he’s focused on Seth and Ellie and starts to pull away to head toward them. Albeit before he can reach Seth, suddenly from the crowd comes your dad and before you know it he shoves Seth down so hard, that the old man drops hard on the ground, causing everyone who wasn’t aware of what was going on to gawk now, whilst you use both hands to hold onto your husband and look at your dad completely bewildered by his action.

“Get the hell outta here,” your dad orders Seth while the crowd murmurs and Maria quickly comes over to pick Seth off the ground.

“Seth, let's…let’s take a walk. Come on. Let’s go.”

You look over at Ellie, missing your dad's glance and noticing how horrified and shocked she looks over what happened before your dad steals her attention.

“Are you okay?” You hear him ask her, making her finally look over at him.

“What is wrong with you?” Ellie snaps at your dad, making Apollo grab your arm and start to gently caress it as you look over at the scene completely…distraught.

“I don’t need your fucking help,” Ellie continues to sneer and you feel it deep in your heart, all the strings tug, and not just for your dad, but for her too.

“Right,” your dad nods after he takes a glance at the gawking crowd, and then moves his head in your direction, but doesn’t dare meet your eyes, instead he just takes leave in the silence.

You would go after Ellie first, but you know her well. She’s too upset to talk to right now, so you let her and Dina disappear from the crowd and think about one person instead.

“I should go talk to him,” you whisper and look at Apollo.

He nods as he holds your gaze. “Yeah, that’ll be good. We should take Theo to bed anyway.”

“We can come back,” you try to offer a solution for quite an early leave, but he grabs your shoulders to gently rub them.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, I’m okay. I'd rather spend the rest of the night with you at home,” he assures you before he leans in and presses a kiss on your forehead.

“Okay, thank you,” you offer him before you stroke his chin and offer him a smile before you press an appreciative kiss on his lips, making a faint smile appear on his lips.

“Let’s go get Teddy,” you murmur and walk off the dance floor to find your Uncle Tommy with Theo.

“I’m going to talk to him. I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” you let your uncle know as you take your son from him. “Goodnight Uncle Tommy, and happy new year.” You say softly as you offer him a short embrace and a small kiss on his cheek.

“Goodnight and happy new year, Sunny.” He redirects before he offers Apollo the same, and vice versa, letting you then leave the party with your spark snuffed out compared to when you first got here.

Even so, you still stop by your dad's house and actually catch him on his porch strumming a guitar.

“I’ll see you at home, my love,” Apollo whispers.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then,” you redirect and watch him leave with Theo for a few seconds before you look over at your dad, noticing his averting his gaze, but even then, you still go and join him on the porch behind a heater, choosing to lean over the porch railing while he stays seated in his chair with his guitar.

“Teddy asleep?” He asks, making you glance at your path home and nod gently.

“He’s getting there,” you let him know and finally hear his wooden chair creak as he gets up to walk over to your side without adding anything on any matter. He just puts the guitar down against the railing and looks out at the scenery in front of his house whilst you let out a deep breath and see your breath form in a puff of smoke in front of you, feeling no point in delaying why you stopped by. He knows it too even if he pretends not to.

“You know,” you sigh and gently hit your thigh with your balled hand before you cross your arms over the railing again and look at him, noticing him pretending to be busy moving the heater between your legs—“I’m going to say it because I’m almost thirty, what you did just now in that party was stupid. I respect what you did. I really do because I didn’t defend her at that moment, but there were other ways to defend her.” You throw out bluntly, but he still doesn’t meet your gaze. His eyebrows pinch together and his lips droop ahead, but he doesn’t show you what he feels.

“I know. Don’t you think I know that,” he says agreeing with you. “When I saw her face I knew it was wrong, but…I don’t regret it. I would do it for you too.”

You nod stiffly and blink to look ahead. “Yes, and I appreciate it but you need to stop trying to do what you think is right and think about how she would want you to respond.”

Finally from the corner of your eyes, you see your dad turn his head your way, so you look over and see his eyebrows knit together as he looks at you with conflict before it breaks and a mist begins to cloud his eyes.

“I missed out on ten years of your life because I left you,” he brings up and obviously tries to fight the quiver from being heard in his voice as he clears his throat. “Because you were mad at me. I don’t want ten years to pass with her.”

You swallow thickly and nod softly in comprehension before you narrow your gaze and become blunt once again. “Yes, that’s why I’m telling you that you need to think about her. If you had thought about what I wanted those years ago, you would have given me a choice and told me what you felt. You wouldn’t have abandoned me without a word and made me torment myself for ten years as I asked myself what was wrong with me to cause you to leave.”

Your dad scoffs in defeat and drops his head to sniffle.

“When you took Ellie from that hospital you just thought about yourself. You were selfish,” you’re not ashamed to say because, in more words or less, it’s an argument he’s already heard from you. “I-I understand why you did it. You love her, and I love her too, but at that moment you needed to give her a choice and either fight your way out or respected her choice if it’s what she wanted. Now, well,” you scoff and shake your head. “We’re at a point of no return.”

Your dad sniffles again and then slowly looks out before he looks at you as if his eyes weren’t just watery and he was fighting every fiber in his body not to cry.

“And because we’re at that point of no return you either come to terms with what you did, admit that you acted selfishly, or…” you trail off and let him fill in the blanks because you know he knows what will happen if he doesn’t see the things the way Ellie sees them.

“And if she doesn’t…forgive me when I admit I was wrong…then what?” He asks with frustration and also a feeling of helplessness.

“Then,” you sigh and briefly spare a glance at him before you look down as you feel a tug at your heart. “You watch her live her life from afar. You can’t force yourself in her life if she doesn’t want you in it.”

Your dad fists his hands so you gently place yours on top of his and offer him some reassurance. “She will forgive you though. Just let her come to you when she’s ready, you can’t force that, so that means stop being so overprotective and talking to people behind her back. She has to navigate the world herself. If she needs help she will ask, if she doesn’t then that’s when you step in. She can be stubborn.”

He scoffs softly in agreement, and you wrap your hand around his, making his clenched hand soften to hold your hand back as he meets your gaze with unsureness now.

“Just be present and come to terms with what you did because regret or not there’s no going back to that day...” you trail off softly and let out a deep breath to draw out all the tension that had built over that conversation before you offer him a sweet smile.

“I'm going to head home now, okay? Good night and happy new year, Daddy.”

He turns to face you and before you can leave he wraps his arms around you to pull you for an embrace. “Happy New Year, baby. I love you.”

You hug him tightly and don’t fret to say those words back. “I love you too.”

You pat his back and he rubs yours before you steal one more glance at each other and then you depart from his porch, offering him only one last thing. “I’ll see ya tomorrow!”

“Yep.”

You hug your shawl tighter against you and basically trot away to try and reach your warm house quicker.

However, as you’re walking away from your dad's house you cross paths with Ellie and stop dead in your tracks before her, noticing that upset look still clinging onto her, so you offer her a warm smile as she holds your gaze speechlessly.

“Happy New Year, Ellie…and,” you pause and can’t help your smirk as you think about what might have caused such a commotion.

It’s not like it’s hard to guess why Seth said what he did.

“You got the girl,” you tease, breaking that frown into a quick and faint smile. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow. Good night.”

She draws out a small breath and breaks her silence. “Goodnight.”

You offer her one last smile before you walk away and head home for the night.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Ahh what a chapter!

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @hardbeingcasual @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @sunsumonner @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion @mmkkzz @avitute

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Exceptions

Summary: You’re finally pregnant and Joel can’t keep his hands off of you. With another raider group getting too close to Joel’s community he has no choice but to leave you behind in the very capable hands of his brother.

Pairing: Raider! Joel x fem. reader / Raider!Tommy x fem. reader

Wordcount: 1.7k

Rating: E

Warnings: Raider!Joel, Raider!Tommy, smut (unprotected sex, oral sex), jerking off, slapping, dirty talk, established relationship, unspecified age gap (around 15 years prob), lactation kink, cucking (kinda), pregnancy, kinda pregnancy kink?, derogatory language, infidelity kink ?, Joel and Tommy do not touch or really interact with each other but are in the same bed, but if that's not your thing kindly move on, thanks!

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Part of Desire

Joel got even more protective of you once you found out you were indeed finally pregnant. 

Only a very trusted circle of people were now allowed near you and you could count the days he had chose to leave you to take care of something up on one hand. 

That was until a rather disgusting raider group had gotten a little too close for comfort to the place Joel had marked as his territory. 

He had told you that he had to leave for a couple of days to take care of this himself, his cock steadily drilling into you from behind while his hands both were playing with your tits. They had grown quite a lot and now in your sixth month of the pregnancy he was waiting impatiently for your milk to come through. 

He had put all kinds of pictures and thoughts into your head about how he would milk you dry the moment he had his first taste. 

He would be so mad it finally happened once he had been gone for almost a week.

You woke up wet. 

Which was not uncommon. You had been even more horny since you found out you were pregnant, but this morning you woke up with your shirt wet. 

„Fuck,“ you sighed, your fingers ribbing over the wet spots over your tits. 

„Watsgoingon?“ A tired voice behind you mumbled, an arm sneaking around your waist, a warm palm cradling your belly. 

„Joel is gonna be so upset,“ you pouted as you cuddled against Tommy’s chest, feeling his chin rest against your shoulder. 

Since Joel had to leave, he left the only person he trusted to look after you behind and in charge of the compound. 

His brother. 

And Tommy has been instructed to do everything to keep you happy. 

And boy did he.

With his mouth. His fingers. His cock. 

There was just something about Tommy Miller calling you a cheating cock dumb whore that did it for you. 

Not that you were cheating. No, this arrangement between the three of you had been going on for years. Though you and Joel were strictly faithful and only fucking each other, his brother was something like a treat Joel granted you for being a very good girl. 

And you always were a very good girl for Joel. 

Joel liked to watch when you and Tommy got together. His presence in the room making it somehow even more filthy. 

You just had to stop fucking Tommy once Joel had decided that he wanted to be the one who got you pregnant. The first time.

But playing with the scenario of being caught cheating did something for you that drove you over the edge every single time. 

Tommy had a lot of sex. With both men and woman. 

He had two wives who currently were pregnant themselves. 

You did not like both of them though. 

But it was you who he always came back to. 

He began to kiss up your neck, his hands rubbing over your belly, his cock poking against you from behind. 

„Think my milk finally came in,“ you mumbled and he stopped, taking a deep breath before he carefully turned you so you were laying on your back. His dark eyes were on you as he reached over to the side to turn on the lights and you both looked down to your chest where the fabric of one of Joel’s shirt you had put on to sleep were drenched. 

„Fuck,“ he cursed lowly before he came to kneel between your legs. 

„Joel’s gonna be so pissed he wasn’t here for that,“ he said with a shake of his head, before his fingers traced over the cold damp fabric of the shirt, your nipples hard and you shivered. 

He helped you out of the shirt, throwing it behind him and he just looked at your tits with pure hunger. 

You knew he wanted a taste. 

But Joel was clear. 

No one but him was allowed to taste you. Not even his brother. And he shared almost everything with his brother.

You saw him close his eyes as he took a deep breath before he lowered himself between your legs and began to eat you out, most likely as a distraction for himself, not that you were complaining. 

Your hands ran down your body, your fingers brushing through his hair, before you gathered the long strings of his hair into your hand in a makeshift ponytail, keeping his hair out of his face as he looked up at you with hungry eyes, his tongue slipping though your folds. 

Tommy’s hand gripped your thighs, pulling them further apart as he feasted on you, his tongue playing with your clit, teasing you. 

„Tommy please,“ you let your head fall back, your arms spread out on the mattress beside you. 

He sucked your clit into his mouth while one of his hands came up to touch your left tit and you shattered, coming with a cry of his name, your whole body shaking. 

You had been overly sensitive for a couple of days now, the lightest touch leaving you shaking and hungry for more. 

He cleaned you up, slurping obscenely and you sighed, before he came up, smirking up at you before he kissed your belly. 

„Wanna sit on your cock,“ you hummed. 

„Oh yeah?“ He asked, kissing up your body. 

You nodded. 

„Just gimme a minute. Can’t feel my legs yet,“ you joked and he hummed self satisfied before he laid down next to you. He wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly jerked himself off. 

Sucking your bottom lip in you looked at how his hand moved over his length, your pussy clenching in anticipation at having his cock inside of you. 

„See something you like, doll?“ He teased and you nodded before you rolled to your side to get onto your knees. You crawled over to him and he grinned up at you. 

You were about to straddle him, when he shook his head. 

„Turn around. Wanna see that ass bounce on me,“ he said and you obeyed, turning around. You sat down on his legs, feelings his hands pull you back, your pussy rubbing over his cock. Grabbing his cock you lined yourself up before you slowly sank down on him with a long moan. 

„Fuck yes,“ Tommy groaned before he slapped your ass. Hard. 

Sucking your bottom lip between your teeth you slowly began to move, rolling your hips on top of him. Your hands came up to cup your tits before you began to ride him, bouncing on his cock, while Tommy continued to slap your ass. 

Closing your eyes you only focused on the way he was filling you when you heard the door open. 

Opening your eyes you smiled widely when Joel walked in. 

„Hey baby,“ you hummed, crying out when Tommy chose this moment to thrust up into you. Joel crossed his arms as he leaned against the door, his dark gaze focused on you as you rode his brothers cock, your belly swollen with his child. 

„Having fun?“ He asked and you nodded.

„Missed you,“ you whimpered and he smiled before he walked over. He bend down to kiss you, his hand on your throat possessively, and you moaned against his lips as Tommy continued to thrust up into you. 

„Yeah?“ He asked and you nodded, looking up at him. You gasped when Tommy slapped your ass again. Joel chuckled as he sat down on the bed. 

You moaned when you felt Tommy pull you against his chest and carefully turn the both of you so you were lying on your side with him behind you, his cock still inside of you. His hands were on your hips as he continued to fuck you, now a little harder, his cock twitching. 

He was close and so were you. 

„Guess what?“ You asked, biting your lip and Joel raised his eyebrow. 

„Wanna taste my milk?“ You grinned and Joel’s eyes widened before they darkened. He laid down in front of you, kissing your lips first, his big hands both palming your tits before he slipped down the bed, his lips closing around one of your nipples. 

Tommy groaned behind you, his fingers now between your legs playing with your clit, bringing you to the edge.

And then Joel sucked.

And you? 

You came with a loud cry of Joel’s name, your hands flying into his hair to keep him against your tit. 

Your eyes rolled back, the sensation of Joel sucking on your nipples and Tommy cumming inside of you so overwhelming you almost passed out. 

„Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,“ you heard behind you, Tommy fucking his cum into you. 

„Oh my god,“ you moaned, still riding out your orgasm. Out of breath you whimpered once Tommy pulled out. He kissed your shoulder as he rolled out of bed and you felt Joel pull you against him.

Within seconds Joel had you in his lap.

You were still asking yourself when he had taken his clothes off when he impaled you on his cock, groaning at the feeling. 

He moved you on top of him, his eyes fixed on your tits before he leaned in again, sucking on your other nipple and you shivered. He hummed as he sucked on your tit, your milk filling his mouth, the sensation so foreign, yet so fucking good. 

There was a knock on the door and he released your nipple with a plop, his cock thrusting up into you.

„Whatever it is, ask Tommy. I’m busy,“ he yelled, slapping your ass and you moaned loudly. 

„You been a good slut for Tommy?“ He asked you and you nodded. 

„He taste you?“ He asked and you shook your head. 

„Good,“ he hummed, his face leaning back down against your tits again. 

„Cause this is mine,“ he grunted before he pulled one of your nipples into his mouth again. 

„Yours,“ you gasped with a smile. 

[talaok]

Be the one to do it

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary:  You've always had a crush on your neighbor Joel, and once your friend Jordan suggests you ask him to help with a little "problem" of yours, it turns out he had never been such an unattainable dream.

Warnings: basically pwp. smut| big ass unspecified age gap, virginity loss, oral sex (f and m receiving), fingering, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, kinda breeding kink and size kink, dirty talk, he talks you through it, Joel calls reader with a bunch of pet names and probably more stuff but i need to go to sleep.

a/n: this is the farthest it can get from original. you've probably read 10 other fics with the same premise but i just wanted to write some sweet and filthy virginity loss sue me

"I can barely get a sentence out around him and you think I'm gonna ask him to have sex!?"

"well yeah" Jordan laughed "It makes sense"

Your friend was looking at you like she'd just suggested getting ice cream, while what had really just come out of her mouth was really, exponentially different.

"you're out of your mind if you think-"

"just shut up" she interrupted, rolling her eyes "It would be a fucking walk in the park"

Your eyes widened exaggeratedly at that.

Did she have any idea about what she was suggesting?

The last time you'd interacted with Joel Miller all he had to do was ask how summer break was going for your face to get as hot as the sun and for you to end up muttering some nonsense and running away.

"He'd never say yes"

Again, Jordan's eyes rolled back.

"Y/n listen I love you but sometimes you can be real fucking dumb," she said, fighting a smile "The guy probably hasn't gotten laid in years!" she huffed a laugh "And with you? With a hot young piece of ass like you!? No guy on the planet would say no"

"You-you're just saying that... and you don't know him"

"I know men"

__ __ __

You didn't even remember how you'd gotten there, all you knew was that Joel Miller was right in front of you, opening the door to his fucking house.

"Hi"

Your face was already getting warm and your voice was just an inch above unhearable.

"Hi darlin'" he greeted you, smiling with that slow, easy smile that made you want to cry every single time.

How could a human being be so hot?

"Come on in" he nodded behind him "What's goin' on?"

Now here was the problem. You had no plan whatsoever, and this was setting itself up to be a complete shitshow.

"I..."

You weren't even meeting his eyes, you could see him trying to catch a glimpse of your gaze but you couldn't do it- to be quite frank you were already starting to panic... and to regret your decision.

"you want something to drink?"

You looked up at him, your mouth slightly open as your words died on your tongue.

Jesus, he was handsome.

You hadn't gotten the chance to really look at him before, but now there he was in all his glory… huge strong muscles fighting against his shirt and all.

"c'mon, I'll get ya some water"

You didn't miss the smirk on his lips as he caught you ogling his arms.

Definitely not off to a good start.

He handed you a glass of water, and you took it, willing your hands not to shake.

The golden light of the afternoon sun seeped through the curtains of his kitchen windows, illuminating the space with a calmness that completely contrasted with your state.

"boy problems?"

You almost flinched at the sound of his voice.

"gotta beat somebody up?"

He must have thought you were dumb with the way you were staring at him all wide-eyed, not daring to speak a word.

You needed to think of something, preferably right now.

"n-no, nothing like that” you shook your head, forcing a smile.

A beat of silence passed before you decided to take back already what you’d said.

“well actually sorta"

He frowned, shifting his stance from one foot to the other.

He was waiting for you to expand on your words, but the birds chirping on the nearby trees were the only sound in the room.

"you can talk to me doll, I ain't gonna bite"

You could feel your cheeks get hot.

Jesus it's like everything he did was scandalously sexy- every time he spoke with that sweet drawl of his, every pet name he used for you... he could have peeled his clothes off slowly as he gave you a lap dance and the effect on you would be the exact same.

"Well I just..." you started "I've got a... problem"

He looked even more confused.

Were you about to tell him you're pregnant? No that would be impossible, he'd never seen you with any guy around here... but maybe at college.

For some reason, the thought of you with another guy... with a boy... didn't sit right with him.

Actually, he knew the reason, throughout the summer he'd caught himself staring a little too long at you more times than he'd like to admit- it was like all of a sudden you had grown, and the sweet little kid living next to him was now suddenly a gorgeous woman. He didn't really know what to do with that information, with the inappropriate feelings and urgings weighing in his gut every time his gaze fell upon you and you squirmed embarrassed like a shy little thing.

"alright..." he urged you to go on.

"Sarah's not home right?"

His brows drew closer together as he frowned.

Why would you ask that?

"She's at a friend's"

You nodded, suddenly looking more resolute, even if the way your teeth tortured your poor bottom lip was enough of a tell of how nervous you were.

You had decided. Jordan was right. There was no harm in trying, and if it didn't go right you'd just avoid him for the rest of your life.

"I'm a virgin Joel"

You saw his eyes widen before your own words had even registered.

"O-oh"

That's all he could stutter. I mean what was he supposed to say? That seconds before he thought you were about to tell him you were pregnant? That he could not understand how someone as beautiful as you, with the billion contenders he was sure you had, still had not found a single one to have sex with?

"And I... well the thing is that I don't want to be anymore"

He tried to get back to how cool and collected he was before- you were here to talk to him after all, the least he could do was be as helpful as possible.

"right" he cleared his throat "you want some advice on how to navigate this thing?"

The silence and the look on your face told him quite the opposite.

What were you here for then?

"No- I- the thing is that... I was wondering if maybe you'd agree to-" you bit your cheek as you finally spat it out "to be the one to do it"

Joel was sure his heart had stopped.

"babygirl-" The words had barely left your mouth and he was already stopping you.

You felt tears prick your eyes... you knew that tone.

"I'm sorry it was a stupid-"

Goddamn you Jordan.

You were already planning to run out the door when he spoke.

"darlin' I'm pushing forty here"

That's not what you expected him to say. He wasn't disgusted, or amused, or angry...

"yes but-" You tried to speak but he was talking over you again.

"you're twenty... you ain't even old enough to buy a six-pack, I-I- that ain't something you're supposed to do with me"

Joel would have never admitted it, but he was saying those things mostly to himself- to desperately fight the instinct that took over him the moment you explained the reason you were at his house... the instinct to take you up the stairs and fuck you so good no one else would ever compare.

"b-but it's what I want"

You weren't giving up. You didn't know what, but there was something about the way he was going about it that told you there was still a sliver of a chance.

Only there was a lot more than a sliver... and the way you were looking up at him with those desperate doe eyes was upping your chance as you spoke.

"I trust you, Joel," you said "You're the only man that I know that I would trust with this"

He sighed, shaking his head "If your dad found out- Jesus I wouldn't live to see another day darlin'"

Your hand found his chest, strong and solid as rock beneath your palm.

"I won't tell" you murmured, your words verging on pleas "I-I won't tell anyone Joel I promise" you swore, looking up at him as his own eyes bore into yours.

"You're the only one I want to do this with... the only one I trust"

You could see the resolution, the fight, leave his face.

How the hell was he supposed to say no?

Christ, not even a priest would have that amount of self-control.

"fuck sweetheart" he shook his head before looking up, a long breath leaving his throat "You're gonna get me killed"

You didn't even try to hide your excitement.

Your heart was beating a mile a minute as you asked "Is- is that a yes?"

His eyes- his beautiful, big, hazel eyes were back on you.

"'f course it is"

You smiled so wide your cheeks hurt.

It was really happening.

You were gonna lose your virginity to Joel fucking Miller.

"A-are we gonna do it now?" you asked, almost breathless with joy "I-I mean only if you feel like it of course"

"If I feel like it..." Joel couldn't help but laugh "You really have no idea do ya?"

Your mouth parted in confusion.

Did you say something wrong already?

"About what?"

A beat passed as he stared down at you, almost amused.

"About whatcha do to me, sugar"

__ __ __

The door to his bedroom closed with a soft click, and all of a sudden, you were the only two people on earth.

His eyes didn't leave you for even a second, and although you felt very much on the spot, you liked his gaze on you.

"If you change your mind at any point darlin'," he said, walking closer to you until his right hand could gently move some hair out of your face "You tell me, and I'll stop, ok?"

"mh-mh" you nodded, although you were more than sure no changing of mind would happen... God, you didn't even know how long you'd dreamed of this.

"Don't gimme that doll, use your words" he corrected you, his thumb drawing circles on your cheek "Later too"

"O-ok, yes, I-I understand"

He smiled, amused.

"there's no need to be nervous sugar, we'll go real slow ok?"

"y-yes"

He couldn't help but chuckle.

"what can I do to make it better?"

You had an immediate answer in mind. The only thing you had been able to think about since he got this close.

"Can... could you kiss me?"

Jesus H. Christ.

Joel had to fight the urge to laugh. He'd drop to his knees and lick every inch of you if you asked, and you were wondering if he could kiss you...

"I can do whatever you want, babydoll" he murmured, as he slowly leaned closer.

You placed your hands on his big strong chest as you raised yourself on your tiptoes, and before you knew it... his lips were on yours.

You were holding your breath as the sound of your beating heart pounded in your ears.

This was really happening- this was real-

But before you had time to take it all in, the sweet feeling of Joel's lips on yours, of his beard, his nose, his hands, it was like something switched, a knob turned in his brain, and Joel wasn't kissing you anymore- no, he was devouring you.

He'd tried to go as soft and slow as he could but the moment you let out a little whimper... it was like he got possessed.

The hand on the back of your neck forced you impossibly closer as the one on your waist tightened enough to bruise, and he was... his tongue was desperately savoring every inch of your perfect mouth, swallowing all your pretty sounds.

His lungs screamed for relief but breathing was the last thing on his mind.

He'd never kissed like this.

Your panties were soaked once he finally pulled away.

He was about to apologize for losing control, but by the way you were looking at him, there was nothing to be sorry about.

"I'm gonna take off your clothes now doll, ok?"

You nodded, your breathing ragged, your cheeks on fire.

With just one kiss, he'd rendered your mind an empty mess. You doubted you could remember your address at the moment.

"What did I say 'bout usin' your words?" He murmured, his thumb tracing the shape of your swollen mouth.

"Sorry," you whimpered weakly.

He wouldn't have heard you if he had been but an inch away.

"Y-yes, you can take my clothes off"

He smiled at that, leaving another soft kiss on your lips before both his hands reached underneath your shirt.

His big, warm hands detoured to caress your sides, leaving shivers in their wake, before he brought your top up until he slid it off.

His eyes fell on your tits, still covered by your bra, and he looked up at you to check if you were alright before oh so slowly undoing the clasp and letting the garment fall to the floor.

He had to stifle the groan climbing up his throat because Jesus, he wanted nothing more than to take each of your perfect fucking nipples in his mouth and suck until begged him for more...

but he didn't, he let his self-control win this time as he reached for the waistband of your shorts.

He watched like a hawk every inch of skin that he uncovered until the shorts pulled at your feet and you stepped out of them together with your sandals.

Your breathing still hadn't gotten back to normal, and every fucking inch of your skin was on fire, burning with the intensity of his gaze.

He didn't say anything as his fingers slid past the waistband of your panties and with a quick movement pulled them down, leaving you completely bare.

Not able to stop himself, he groaned this time, his hands taking a tour of your body from your collarbones, to the valley between your breasts, to your belly, until his thumbs were but an inch from where you were burning with desire for him. But he didn't touch you there, no, his hands reached your waist as he stared at you 'cause god bless his heart, but he couldn't stop looking.

He liked his lips, as if he was hungry- starving- and you let out a small whimper, realizing you had held your breath all this time.

"You're... perfect babygirl"

You prayed he wouldn't judge you when he saw the mess that had become of between your thighs.

He can't say stuff like that and expect me not to melt.

His eyes were finally back on you, and the pure lust in them almost made you gasp.

He looked like a completely different man.

"Sit on the bed"

Your brain took a second too long to register his words.

I mean it's not every day you're naked in front of Joel Miller.

Joel's old mattress creaked as you sat on it, and you stayed there, diligently frozen in your spot as he took his sweet time to come closer.

He wanted to preserve the image of you sitting on his bed, naked, waiting, looking like a damn dream, in his brain for all the lonely nights of the rest of his life.

He stood there, towering over you, looking down at you as you looked up at him, and you felt even smaller.

You were about to speak, to beg him to please do anything, touch you in any way, put you out of your misery, when he crouched down, his eyes now level with yours.

His hands found your thighs and another whimper escaped your chest.

"Spread your legs f'me, doll"

And so you did, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Good girl"

This time, it wasn't a whimper that fled your mouth, but a small little moan.

Fuck

Heat rose to your face again and you looked away, embarrassed.

Of course, you liked to be told you're a good girl.

"None of that" Joel tsked, his right pointer forcing you to look back at him "Eyes on me"

You were so turned on you wanted to cry. But you didn't, you nodded, and just like that... Joel was leaning closer and his mouth... oh god his mouth had found your neck.

You gripped the sheets as your whole body started going on fire- as his mouth left hungry wet kisses under your ear, on your pulse, on your collarbones, on your tits, and when his lips wrapped around your right nipple... when his tongue toyed with your hard bud you swore you saw heaven.

Soft little moans started spilling from your mouth as he sucked and sucked and sucked, his hands going to support your boobs, pushing them together as his mouth went from one to the other again and again until you didn't even remember what it meant to breathe like a normal person.

It felt so good.

Who knew it would feel so fucking good?

Joel only stopped when your nipples were swollen and utterly drenched with his saliva, and you were about to protest when you felt his mouth traveling south...

"Joel" you whispered.

He looked up at you with that sexy fucking smirk on his face, not stopping the trail of kisses down your belly.

"Yes, doll?"

"What are you-" your sentence was interrupted by a gasp when his lips found your mound "W-what are you doing?"

His smirk only widened as his mouth dived lower.

"I'm gonna lick your pussy now darlin'" his low and lustful voice was enough to make you orgasm alone.

You could only blink, and then swallow, and then open your mouth... just for no words to come out.

Joel chuckled before kissing your inner thigh, sending a shock of pleasure to your core.

"'s that ok with ya?"

"Yes," you heard yourself blurt out before you even knew it, which made him laugh, a soft, vibrating laugh that fanned your core and rendered you all the more desperate.

"That's good to hear" he grinned, his mouth lowering until he was kissing your lips... your other lips.

Oh Jesus Christ

You spread your legs wider to accommodate him and he hummed in approval, taking them in his hands and forcing them on his shoulders.

Oh sweet Mother of Christ

He granted himself one look at your perfect, beautiful fucking pussy, before his eyes were back on you, and his tongue darted out without warning and licked your whole core like an ice cream cone.

"Oh"

Your hips spasmed for a second but before you had time to feel embarrassed, his tongue was back in action, only this time he was eating you as if he were starving.

He groaned in pleasure at your taste as his tongue explored every inch of you he could physically reach. His nose was rubbing against your clit and his beard felt so nice against your skin and oh god if you thought you'd seen heaven before you were wrong because the moment his lips wrapped against your bud angels opened up the pearly gates for you.

"Oh my god" you cried, your left hand getting a mind of its own and grabbing Joel's soft hair "Oh my fucking- Oh wow"

This was nothing like what you'd experienced before- nothing your own fingers had ever produced, this was... so so good.

"You taste so fucking sweet sugar" he groaned into you, sending another wave of pleasure through you "y've got such a perfect lil pussy babygirl" he continued in between lapping at your core "wish I could have it for breakfast every day"

You could only moan in response, and you could feel his smile on your skin as he watched the effect he was having on you.

Goddamn, you looked like an angel biting your lip as you moaned for him, your face flushed, your hand in his hair... this was the best decision he ever made- who gave a fuck if your dad put him in the ground, at least he got to see this.

"Gonna come for me doll?" he teased once he heard your cries get louder and your grip on his hair tighten "Gonna let me taste all your sweet juices like a good girl?"

Those words, once again, had their effect because in no time your hips were grinding onto him and breathless gasps were forcing their way out your throat as the best orgasm of your life shuttered through you,

"Just like that" he praised you as you rode the high "thatta girl- give it to me baby"

You were only partially aware of where you found yourself as you came down from the orgasm.

you were breathing heavily, your eyes closed as Joel made his way up your body, his lips pecking every inch of it until he finally kissed your mouth.

"You ok darlin'?"

Your eyes opened at once, the dreamiest look in them,

"I'm great" you grinned, making him smile before he kissed you again, slowly this time, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

He only pulled away when you whined, your hands gripping his arms desperately as your body begged for more.

He sat up on the bed against the headboard, and it was then you finally realized he was still fully clothed...

You were naked from head to toe and he was still dressed... you had no idea why but that made you even hornier, which is why you hastily sat up.

"A- are we gonna do it now?"

He huffed out a laugh as his hand invited you closer.

"not quite yet sugar," he cooed as he guided you to sit on his lap, your back against his chest and your ass against... oh wow.

You could very much feel through his jeans the print of what felt like his huge cock right against your backside.

You couldn't help it, you shifted your butt, not so subtly grinding against him, and when his only response was to grab your waist, you couldn't help but do it again... and again, until you not only heard, but felt a groan rise up his chest.

"babygirl..." he murmured against your ear, making you shiver "You might wanna stop that"

You bit your lip, doing it again "Why?"

He inhaled sharply, his grip tightening "'cause baby, if you keep on goin' I'm gonna come, and you ain't gonna get what you came all this way for"

That made you want to stop and keep going at the same time.

The thought of Joel Miller coming because of you doing what you were doing...

"Don't ya even think about it sugar" He anticipated your actions as if he'd read your mind. You felt him smirk as he kissed you right under your ear.

To that you surrendered, stopping your movements at once.

He hummed, satisfied, inhaling your scent as his right hand slowly moved down your belly.

You held your breath as his fingers found your clit and his mouth your neck.

You couldn't see Joel from this position, but you didn't need to, you could feel him.

His ring and middle finger started circling your clit in a slow and precise motion and moans were already spilling from your lips.

"Joel" you breathed.

"'m right here" he promised, his voice husky, clouded by his lust.

His fingers continued their torturous path until he found your hole.

You could only gasp as his fingers dived inside of you.

Oh god.

"You ever done this to yourself doll?" he asked, his fingers thrusting in and out of you lazily.

You could both hear how unbelievably drenched you were, but that was the very last thing on your mind... what seized your attention at the moment were the sparks of pleasure Joel was igniting in your core.

"mh?" he hummed once you didn't answer, still kissing your neck.

"I-I did" you swallowed, your words interrupted by yet another cry when his fingers curled, sending much more than a spark of pleasure to your brain "Like... like twice"

"just twice?" Joel asked

"It just... it doesn't feel good"

His movements continued, making your breathing get more and more uneven.

"How does it feel now?" he accentuated his words by making whatever gesture he made that had your walls tightening around his fingers.

"G-good"

"Now that ain't gonna do" he cooed, his fingers all of a sudden leaving your core.

"B-but-" you were about to protest turning his way, but his voice took over.

"'s alright darlin', gimme your hand"

You looked down to see his hand waiting for yours, and without even thinking you did as he asked.

He placed his palm big palm on top of your hand, engulfing it, and he guided it down your body, past your belly button, until you were right where he was seconds ago.

"use these two fingers" he instructed, showing you the ones he was talking about.

"good, now get 'em all nice and wet" he murmured, guiding them through your slick folds to do just what he'd said.

You were back at your hole and your mind had stopped working.

You were just a doll, following his every instruction, watching closely his hand move yours as your core ached with desire.

"Now slide 'em in" he whispered, his honeyed voice hypnotizing.

And so you did, you pushed your ring and middle finger inside of yourself.

Why was this so fucking hot?

"Now go in and out" his words were your command, literally.

Again, the sound of your slick pussy spread through the room as you did as he asked.

"how's that feel?"

You weren't gonna lie, not to Joel.

"It's... it's ok" you breathed "Not as good as before"

He smirked, his tongue darting out to lick your pulse as his free hand traveled higher, finding your boobs.

Well of course it felt better before his fingers were two times yours.

"curl your fingers" he ordered, his palm caressing your tits "Like this," he said, showing you exactly what he meant.

He did almost like a "come here" motion, and although skeptically, you replicated it, and well... Joel Miller knew what the fuck he was talking about cause goddamn...

You cried out at the sudden burst of pleasure.

"Again"

And so you did it again, only this time, Joel's fingers had found your left nipple, and the way they toyed with it just as you fingered yourself made the feeling triplicate.

"Keep doin' that babydoll" Joel breathed, his mouth leaving hot, wet kisses on your neck and shoulders as his fingers tweaked your pretty nipples.

"just like that" he hummed as you cried out louder and louder, as you squirmed above him, your free hand gripping his thigh to have something to hold on to.

"that's it... look so pretty like this sugar" he continued "making yourself come like a good girl..."

Jesus his cock was begging for attention... this was the hottest fucking shit he'd ever seen.

Your legs were starting to close as your orgasm approached, and your voice, calling out Joel's name, was getting more and more desperate.

"so good" he groaned, his fingers pinching your nipple without warning "Y'look so perfect when you come babygirl".

That's the last thing you heard as a tsunami of pleasure overtook your whole body.

You were pretty sure you were shaking and wailing like a madwoman, but all you could really be sure of was what happened once you finally reopened your eyes.

You felt so very spent and you hadn't even done what you came here for yet.

Joel's eyes were boring into yours, his hands caressing your sides.

"Still with me?" he asked.

"Yeah," you smiled wide once again.

You felt like you were lying on a cloud, no thoughts or worries going through your head... just pure bliss.

"You still sure about this sugar?"

You had no hesitation.

"Yeah"

He smiled, kissing your lips for a brief second before leaning away.

The moment you realized he was finally taking off his clothes you were wide awake.

You sat up just as he discarded his shirt to the floor.

Je-sus.

This wasn't the first time you'd seen Joel shirtless. It wasn't a coincidence you chose to sunbathe every time he was mowing the lawn...

Yet, the breath was still knocked out of you.

He was broad, like seriously so. He was big and although you couldn't say he had a six-pack it was plain obvious the man was strong.

You didn't think it was possible, but you were getting even wetter.

You wanted nothing more than to let your palm caress his chest, the sparse hair on his pecs, the v lowering towards his pants...

Speaking of which, a gasp fled your throat the moment he took off his jeans, and by the time his boxers were off your mouth hung open in awe... and worry.

"you're..." you had to swallow to try and get some water to your dry mouth "Joel you're-- huge"

You weren't looking at him as he laughed, but at the big scary cock against his stomach bobbing with the movement.

"how would ya know, babygirl?"

You had to force yourself to look away from his manhood, and once you did, you found his gaze again.

"I... I've watched... stuff"

A side of his mouth twitched mischievously at the confession.

"Oh yeah?" he teased "My good little girl watches porn? 's that whatcha telling me?"

Why was it hot in here all of a sudden?

"N-No I just..." heat rushed to your face as you bit your lip "I-I mean-"

He laughed, cutting you off "'s ok sugar, I won't tell"

You could only offer him a little smile because to be honest, your focus was still on the reason you'd even broached the subject.

Your eyes were back on his dick, and while yes it was a worrying size, it also sparked curiosity and need deep inside of you. Which is why you moved closer to him, kneeling on the bed so that his cock was right before you.

And holy mother of God.

"Can I..."

You didn't even need to finish the sentence.

Jesus, if he were to be honest even just seeing you in this position was getting him close to coming.

"You can do whatever you want babydoll, I told ya"

You nodded, hesitantly leaning a little closer.

"I-I've never..."

"As long as my dick is in your mouth I'll be a happy man darlin'"

You gulped, biting your lip as you tried to understand where to even begin, and just then, a tiny bit of precum leaked from his manhood- so naturally, you acted on your first thought... and licked his head, tasting the tang of him.

You heard him inhale sharply as you continued licking, first just his head, then the sides, every ridge and vein... but it was only when you finally wrapped your lips around him that he lost it.

"Fuck"

He groaned like an animal and that only gave you all the more reasons to go further, forcing his dick into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag.

"Fucking- Jesus Christ"

You looked up at him now, your hands finding his legs as you bobbed your head up and down, sucking so very well every inch you could fit... which was barely half.

He'd gathered your hair to the back of your head, but he wasn't guiding your movements, it was all you.

"Babydoll" he rasped, "I think that's enough"

But you didn't wanna stop. This was so hot... feeling him in your mouth, hearing him moan for you...

"Baby" he grunted "I ain't gonna be able to fuck you if I come down your throat"

Those crude words brought you back to reality... and made you even hornier.

You pulled away from his dick, letting it slap back against Joel's stomach.

"Lay down f'me"

You did, without question.

He stifled a groan at the sight, at the fucking image displayed before him once you obeyed his command and spread your legs.

Fuck.

He looked at your eyes, watching for any sign of doubt, of a second thought... but he found none.

It was then he finally took his cock in his hand, giving it a much-needed pump and making you swallow drily.

He was silent as he guided his tip to your folds, making it slide between them and catching on your clit... but you weren't.

You were letting out all sorts of little cries and whimpers and moans as he toyed with you.

But you too, fell silent once you felt him stop at your entrance.

"Mh-" you were starting to hum, biting down your lip as he began pushing inside when he suddenly stopped.

"Fuck- forgot the condom"

You blinked, trying to make sense of what had happened as he reached into his night table.

"Joel" you called for him, making him turn around, condom in hand.

"'m sorry darlin', should've remembered sooner"

But that's not what you wanted to say.

"Joel can we..." you gulped "can we not-- use it?"

He frowned as his dick damn near exploded.

You wanted him to fuck you raw?

"Jesus sweetheart you tryna kill me today or somethin'?"

You smiled, your hands fidgeting.

"N-no I just... this is my first time... I- I wanted to feel it, y'know?" you murmured "A-and I'm clean and if you... if you use it with all the other women then you must be clean too, so..."

Joel had the urge to laugh.

"That ain't what 'm worried about, pretty doll"

It was one thing your dad finding out he'd fucked you... a different thing if he'd fucking got you pregnant.

Your mouth formed an o shape as you remembered.

"O-Oh no, I-I'm on the pill"

I shouldn't do this.

There's still a risk.

I'm old enough to be her father I shouldn't be doing this for countless different reasons.

I shouldn't.

I really fucking shouldn't.

And yet Joel had already gotten rid of the condom and had made his way on top of you.

You smiled before he kissed you, taking away all the oxygen from your lungs.

"I need you to relax now sugar" he murmured, his hand guiding his dick to your entrance once again.

"O-ok" you nodded, feeling the very tip of him push inside you.

"Just like that" he praised, kissing you again "Doing so well f'me"

It burned.

The stretch got more and more demanding as he tried to push himself deeper into you.

"Ah!" you gasped, your hands gripping his biceps as he kissed your neck.

"I know baby, I know"

"I-it's big" you cried, planting your feet on the mattress to try and ground you.

"You want me to stop?" he asked, looking you in the eyes, although yours were shut close.

"N-no" you shook your head "I just... " you hissed from the pain as he slid in an inch further.

"You can do it babygirl" he whispered, still planting kisses everywhere he could reach.

"B-but it's too big" you whimpered desperately as he still kept going. It felt interminable.

"Don't ya worry 'bout it honey" he said, moving some hair out of your face "I'm gonna make it fit"

That got him the first little moan of pleasure, which coincided with you letting him get an inch deeper.

"Yeah you like that?" he cooed "You like the idea of me filling you up with my cock to the very brim?"

You moaned again, louder.

"I know you do sugar." one of his hands had traveled between your bodies to find your clit, making you cry out even louder "Want nothing more than to be full of me, do ya?"

"'s ok sweetie, we're almost there" he promised, his breath sending shivers up your spine "You're taking me so well... letting me stretch this perfect little pussy for the very first time..."

It still burned, but the worst was done, and his words were making you forget half the pain.

"such a good girl" he cooed "There we go, like that, lemme in babygirl... fuck"

You'd done it.

"Oh my god" you gasped.

You felt utterly and completely full, like your body had been missing a part of it all this time.

"Joel" you cried, your grip on his arms tightening.

"You ok sugar?" he asked, although you could hear the restraint in his voice.

"Yes" you breathed opening your eyes to look at him "Yes please do- do something"

He smirked as he gave you a quick kiss.

"I'm gonna start moving now, ok?"

You nodded hastily "Y-yes- please".

And so what could he do, if not exactly what you'd asked?

He retracted his hips just to thrust in again, and... wow.

"O-Oh my god" you cried, as he did it again, finding a slow and oh so very deep pace.

He was rolling his hips, grinding against your pelvis every time he trusted in, making fireworks explode in your body.

"Fuck, doll" he groaned, his pace quickening "Y'feel so good... so tight for me"

You could only moan at his words, your legs wrapping around him.

"it's like you were made for my cock" he said, staring at you although your eyes were closed.

He didn't want to miss even a second of this.

"To let me fuck you like you need" he hissed, having to refrain himself from coming too soon.

That had been a danger since the very first inch of him had entered you.

You just felt so fucking good.

"You're such a good girl baby, y've got no idea" he groaned, kissing and licking your neck "Taking me so well"

"J-Joel!" you basically screamed once the fingers on your clit resumed their work.

"I know baby" he cooed, continuing to fuck you thoroughly "I know it's a lot, but you can take it"

The sound of your skin slapping with his bounced off the walls with each thrust together with the creaks of the mattress.

"I-I- Joel" you kept on crying, your breathing getting more and more ragged as your belly tightened expecting the approaching orgasm.

"what is it darlin'?" he purred, "need me to fuck you harder, softer?" he murmured "Tell me what you want and I'll give it to ya baby"

"M-more"

He could only smirk as he picked up his pace, now slamming into you harder, feeling your walls tighten with each thrust.

"Oh god- O-Oh shit--"

"C'mon doll," Joel groaned as your nails dug into his skin "Be a good girl and come for me- let me feel you come around my cock"

He didn't even need to ask.

"like that" he rasped as your eyes shut tight and you cried as loud as your vocal chord permitted "Just like that- good fucking girl"

Each molecule of your body rearranged itself as the orgasm overtook your body, mind, and soul.

You were sure you had ascended to another universe, the only thing that grounded you was Joel's words as he reached his own peak.

"Fuck doll, 'm gonna come" he grunted " 'm gonna fill you up babygirl- like that- take it sugar-- take it all"

It took a long while for you to gain back consciousness, and when you did, you found yourself lying under Joel's blanket, his hand gently drawing patterns on your arm as he... he was watching you.

"There she is"

You could only find it in yourself to smile as you leaned closer to him, leaving a soft, quick kiss on his lips.

"Thank you, Joel"

[darknight3904]

tommyxfemreader thigh riding🫦 maybe in her home in Jackson lowkey forbidden since he’s with Maria (love u queen but…)

Pretty Boy

Jackson!Tommy x Fem!Reader

Summary: Cursed to watch him from afar, you finally make a move on Tommy one day when he's stuck in your house due to a thunderstorm.

Warnings: Language, Smut 18+, Dom/swtich!reader, sub/switch Tommy, thigh riding, dirty talk, handjobs, cheating (don't do that irl.)

TLOU Masterlist

Word Count: 2.2k

I got carried away with this one, whoopsie. Went a bit off the rails, but I hope you enjoy it, anon. @xodilfluvr No pressure tag, but I think you're going to like this one.

You had a major problem. 

You couldn’t get him out of your fucking head. Tommy Miller was eating up every spare nook and cranny your brain had to offer. 

You arrived in Jackson nearly a year ago. With its quaint town and even nicer people, you were finally comfortable here at the end of the world. The issue though had started about six months ago, your first patrol run was led by none other than the ex-Firefly himself. You at first hadn’t thought much of him, probably just another guy with a big mouth and no skill to back it up. Instead, you were astounded when he brought down three infected, all head shots, from atop a large hill. Then, he’d wrapped his arms around you, repositioning your elbows in the best way to hold a gun so you didn’t get knocked on your ass by the kick back. His deep voice had your head spinning as you tried to focus on what he was saying about aiming right. 

Since then, you’d become a woman obsessed. But truly it wasn't your fault, Tommy Miller was just really fucking pretty, a pretty boy if you will. Dark curls and big brown eyes to go with, god, he was gorgeous, who could blame you for being so interested?

Now, most people would bite the bullet, ask their crush out instead of pining like some teenage girl, and you would, you really would, except there was one issue. Tommy Miller was a taken man. 

Maria had scooped him up a few months back, right when you realized your feelings, too. How convenient. You had no interest in being a homewrecker, but admiring never hurt anyone, right? You could look all you wanted, just not touch. Kind of like a fancy museum, Tommy was the artwork and you were the observer, content with staring and imaging what that piece might look like above you each night, sweaty and with loud moans coming out of his pretty- 

“You alright?” 

“Oh, yeah, m’ fine.” You say 

The loud sound of rain beating down on the twenty-something-year-old roof had you nervous, hopefully, it wouldn’t cave in tonight while you slept. The storm had come out of nowhere. One minute, you and Tommy were standing in your kitchen; he had swung by to tell you that the patrol shift was changing since Eugene had pulled a muscle in his back, the next, it was raining like a fucking monsoon was coming through Jackson. 

“Damn it.” Tommy curses as he stares out the window over your kitchen sink, “M’ gonna get drenched going out there.” 

“You could just stay here,” You blurt out, “Just till the storm blows over.” 

Tommy looks at you, obviously weighing his options: go outside, get drenched, and probably end up sick since it was a twenty-minute walk between your place and his, or sit down and just wait it out.

“Alright, fine, better than getting soaked to hell.” He grumbles 

Tommy had been in a sour mood all week, you had picked up on it after he hadn’t had his usual pizzaz during your Thursday shift with him down in the greenhouse. You motioned for him to sit down on the couch, handing him a glass of brandy. 

“Where the hell did you get this?” He sniffs the glass

“It’s a secret.” You smile, sitting across from him in the big armchair you loved, “You look like you need to relax, figured it’d help a bit.” 

Tommy sighs, sipping the amber liquid, his adams apple bobbing as he does, you squirm in your seat, fuck you hadn’t been alone with him like this since well…ever. 

“Yeah, it’s been a long couple of weeks. Maria’s been busy, council shit new buidlings and then that roof that caved in on Leona’s house.” Tommy sighs, “Haven’t seen much of each other.” 

You hum in acknowledgement, feeling sorry for how lonely he must’ve been. 

“Sorry, you don’t wanna hear my shit.” Tommy gives you a small smile 

“No!” You counter, “I like hearing you talk.” 

“Is that so?” 

True to your request, Tommy talks to you. As he sips at his drink you refill it twice, loosening him up a bit as you pour yourself some listening to him talk about how he found some fancy new scope for his gun. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You ask 

“Tired of listening to me, sweetheart?” He smiles, a faint blush on his skin from the drink 

“Nah, just got something I think you might like,” You grin, waving a DVD case that reads Alien on it, “It’s the directors cut.” 

“Well, shit, pop it in.” Tommy grins 

The movie hazily plays in the background as you sit beside Tommy on the sofa a single throw pillow separating the two of you as he rests his arm on it. You’re too focusied on the man beside you to take any note of whatever the hell Ripley was doing on screen. You’re too focused on the way Tommy’s thighs shift every few minutes the muscles straining against the tight denim of his dark blue jeans. 

Without thinking about it, you reach out running a delicate hand up his thigh, brushing the fabric of the pocket before he jumps back. 

“What the hell’er you doin’?” His loud voice bounces off the wall

“Shit, sorry!” You fumble, jumping back as if he’s burned you, tears whelling in your eyes. You hadn’t expected him to be so well repulsed by you “I didn’t mean to, fuck.” 

Tommy eyes you, the flickering screen illuminating him for a second. His eyes scan over your figure, probably thinking you were some pathetic loser, crying cuz’ he raised his voice for second. 

“Sorry, you just uh scared me.” Tommy doubles back, “Didn’t mean to make ya cry, sweetheart.” 

Tommy’s next move has you shocked, he inches closer to you, a big hand cradles your face as he wipes a few stray tears that have escaped your burning waterline. He lets out a low hum, one that spreads warmth across your stomach and down to your lower belly.

“Pretty.” He softly whispers like it’s a secret no one can know, if only he knew you thought the same about him.

You nuzzle into his touch, elated to finally feel his hands on your bare skin again. You never want to leave this moment. 

Tommy pulls back abruptly, hands falling down, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…I should leave, got shit to do at home, theres this leaky faucet and the basement door is broken.” 

He’s rambling still as you place a small hand on his chest, keeping him on the sofa beside you. You grab the remote, muting the TV and switching it off, you’ll pop the disc out later on. The alcohol has you bolder than ever as you push him back down when he goes to stand. Your legs straddle his hips, using your weight to keep him right where you want him. 

“But it’s still raining.” You whisper, leaning in so your nose brushes his 

Under you, you can feel something hard beginning to form, his cock twitching against you as you slowly begin to shift a bit, pretending like you don’t know what you’re doing. Tommy’s hands rest on your hips, his eyes fluttering shut, a soft fuck leaving his lips as you move. 

“Darlin’ this isn’t…I’m…Maria and I…” 

You push a finger to his lips, “Shhh…It’s alright.” 

You push yourself off his lap, knees hitting the soft carpet as you pull the zipper of his jeans down, the pretty sight of his green and blue boxers greeting you, “You’ve been so stressed, Tommy, let me take care of it.”  

You push the band of his underwear down, his hard cock springing up from the fabric, it’s drooling head leaking as your eyes widen. You expected him to be big, just not this big. 

You’ve only pressed a kiss to the pink tip of it before Tommy is hauling you back up into his lap, settling you on one of his thighs. 

“What’re you doing?” You ask 

“I wanna watch you.” He mumbles, skin flushed as he stares at you, fingertips tugging at your shirt 

A coy smile lines your face, you hold all the cards now, he was yours. You free yourself from your shirt, unclipping your bra as you go and then you stand only for a second to wiggle your pants off. Your hands have just hooked under your panties when he stops you. 

“Keep 'em on.” A  deeper blush paints his pretty face, “Wanna watch you with them on.” 

You smile, pressing your lips to his as you settle back on his thigh, cunt weeping when you feel it flex under you. 

“What do you want me to do, cowboy?” You softly whisper into his ear, teeth nipping the sensitive skin there., "Hmm? Gonna ask me? Y'look so damn pretty like this, mmm pretty boy."

“Fuck…” Tommy whispers voice just barely there after all your compliments, “Ride my thigh, baby, get yourself off on me.” 

You softly hum, “What do we say? Gotta ask nicely, pretty boy.” 

Tommy’s eyes scan your face, he clearly isn’t used to be treated like this for just a split second you think you’ve over stepped but then he’s opening his mouth again, falling into your hands. 

“Please.” He softly asks 

You press a kiss to his cheek and then to the tip of his nose, “Good job.” You mumble. 

You’re not sure what’s come over you tonight, you could blame it on the brandy, the alcohol is the reason you’re dominating your crush of a whole year, the same man who was in a relationship with the literal laader of your town. Perhaps it’s just the result of buried feelings, all you know is that this feels good, and it seems like you’re not the only one. 

Each roll of your hips along his thigh has Tommy’s lips falling with a groan as his cock weeps for you. A loud moan leaves your lips when the muscle beneath you flexes, Tommy’s deep voice fills your ears. 

“Fuck you’re pretty like this. Christ, always knew you’d look good ontop of me.” 

Your head spins. Tommy Fucking Miller had just admitted to having sexual fantasies of you. You hips roll more argressively against him, the cotton of your panties is soaked, proably seeping into his jeans as you get yourself off on his thigh. 

“T-Touch me, touch me please.” He mumbles, hips jumping up towards your hand when one lands on his belly 

“You sure?” You mumble a smirk on your lips, “Thought you were a taken man, what we’re doin’ right now is certainly forbidden.”

Tommy’s head falls back onto the couch when your run a finger over the slit of his cock, a fucking whimper leaving his lips. 

“Fuck, I don’t care.” He groans, eyes squeezed shut 

“Look at me.” You say, you’re not going to miss one second of this 

The thick muscle of his leg presses up to your clothed clit and you bite your lip, Tommy’s deep brown eyes meet yours and you feel a bit sorry for him. 

Your hand wraps around his cock, pumping him at the same pace your hips roll into him. He groans your name loudly as you twist your wrist. 

“Baby, fuck…” Tommy’s forehead glistens with sweat as you press a warm kiss to his neck, nipping at his skin, “M’ not gonna last.” 

“Go on.” You smile, “Cum for me, I don’t mind.” 

“Not til you get yours.” He affirms, his stomach tightening as you steady yourself by placing a hand on his shoulder 

Big hands find your soft chest, thumbs flicking at your nipples as you try to keep your cool, wanting to maintain your dominance over him. 

“You gonna cum? Gonna cum all over my fucking thigh?” Tommy grins, your hand still pumping him, “Yeah, you are, it’s like you’re in heat, girl. Knew you wanted me, always starin’ like I’m some piece of meat you wanna strap down on your bed.” 

“T-Tommy!” If he keeps this up, you’re going to lose it 

"It's alright, I'd let ya." He laughs, "Yeahhh that's it, she's crying all over my fucking jeans, gonna havta' wash em' real good tonight."

A loud moan leaves your lips, your brain is blank as he talks to you, your climax is so close.

“Go ahead, pretty girl, cum on me,” His southern drawl fills your ears, “M’ all yours now, go ahead, stake your claim.” 

Another roll of your hips and he roughly gropes your sensitive chest and you’re gone, wetness spilling into your ruined panties and his pants as Tommy groans into your ear. Warm cum spurts over your hand as he reaches his end, chest heaving as your his stutter into his thigh. 

You bury your face in his neck, not wanting him to leave you again. The storm outside has stopped; you can tell by the way the sunlight has started to stream back through the windows. 

“You alright?” Tommy whispers into the still air 

“Fine.” You say, looking at him as he stares back 

Tommy glances around, eyes scanning your nearly nude form, his ruined jeans, the discarded pile of your clothes, his softening cock and your hand covered in his spunk. 

“Fuck.” He groans 

You knew it, He regretted it, that line about him being yours wasn’t real. You’d fucked up majorly and lost a friend, god you were so fucking stupid sometimes. You go to stand, legs a weakened mess as you stumble. Before you can get far though, Tommy pulls you back down into his warm body. 

“Where the hell are you goin’?” Tommy asks, “You’re stayin’ here with me. I’ll get you water in a minute, then we can go shower.” 

Water? Shower? With him? What the hell was he thinking? Didn't he need to get home to his girlfriend and the broken basement door?

As if he’s a mind reader, Tommy presses a kiss to your lips, “ Don’t gotta worry about Maria anymore, I’m all yours now, baby.”

Liked this fic? Check out More Tommy Here

This is the product of listening to Sabrina Carpenter while writing. I think it turned out nicely :)

Requests are open, I love getting them, so if you have anything you really want me to write, don't be shy, come chat.

[forever-rogue]

I don't know if this is a silly idea so if it is I apologize!

But could you write something where Tommy and the reader were seeing each other in Austin but with all the commotion they didn't have time to look for each other when they were fleeing so they both moved on thinking the other one was killed, but the reader suddenly ends up in Jackson and they get to reunite

AN | Ahh, this has been in my drafts for so long! Reminder that I am also a Tommy Miller enthusiast. I love this concept and I hope you do too 🥰 

Pairing | Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.1k

Masterlist | Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How much longer is it until we’re there?” you were whining, and you knew it. But quite honestly, you didn’t care. You were cold, tired, and hungry, and your feet were killing you. Ellie looked at you and snickered softly; she was young and spritely, everything seemed easy for her. 

“Not much longer if you’d stop your whining,” Joel turned back to you as you gave him an indignant little huff. You knew he was teasing; the two of you butted heads a lot but there was nothing but affection behind it all, “think you can manage?”

“I guess,” you waved him off and fell into step with Ellie, “you know, this place better be worth it.”

“It will be,” he promised and you wanted to believe him. You hoped he was right…things had been hard the last few months and honestly, you really just wanted a nice long break, “trust me.”

“The last time I trusted you, Joel, I ended up on this crazy journey with you and the kid,” you snorted in amusement as the two of them stared at you in surprise, “and - and - I wouldn’t change it for the world. So calm down and stop glaring daggers at me.”

“You know-” but Joel was quickly cut off by the sound of hooves, shouts, and barks. This definitely wasn’t good. 

You exchanged a look with Joel and the two of you surrounded Ellie to make sure she was as hidden as possible. It really was no use because the three of you were as exposed as could be. 

Fuck. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

So…many things didn’t turn out as badly as they could have. In fact, it seemed like it really just turned into…the best possible situation. 

You’d not only found your way to Jackson, which already just from the outside was a lot to take in, but Joel had managed to find his brother. It was a shock on both ends but, you realized, life had been a lot like that lately. 

For the first time in a long time, you even allowed yourself to believe that things might actually work out. Hope. It was an odd thing really. 

But it was Joel’s shout that started you out of your little daydream fantasy. You almost slipped off the horse at the sudden shift of him yelling, "Tommy!"

You exchanged a look with Ellie before turning to look in the direction that Joel was currently running to. He'd almost jumped off his horse and was taking off in the direction of another dark haired man. How very curious.

The party came to a stop and the two of you got off your own horses before hesitantly walking over. It appeared that the two brothers had really missed each other. 

Joel let go of the younger man and turned to the two of you with a beaming smile, "this is my younger brother, Tommy."

You turned to the raven-haired man, ready to introduce yourself to him when everything seemed to come to a screeching halt. Time stood still as you realized that you too knew Tommy - at least once upon a lifetime ago you had.

He must have realized at the same time as you had because all he could do was silently look at you in awe. You weren't even sure how to really respond - you hadn't seen him in twenty years. Yet here he was, right as rain and the same as ever.

"Tommy?" You asked softly as he nodded, repeating your name just as quietly. Confusion marred Ellie and Joel's faces, unsure of what was going on, "oh my god."

He hesitated for a moment before holding his arms out and pulling into a hug. A sound somewhere between a sob and laugh escaped your lips as you hugged him back with just as excitement.

You had been sure you'd never see him again. You'd made peace with the fact that the love of your life was dead. 

And yet…there he was. Alive and well. Your Tommy.

When you reluctantly pulled apart, he cradled your face in his hands, tenderly brushing away the tears that rolled down your cheeks. It still felt so unreal, like a wild day dream.

"Does anyone want to explain what's going on here?" Ellie decided to cut through the tender moment and Joel groaned slightly. He was such a dad sometimes, despite what he insisted. 

"Ellie."

"It's okay," you promised, "Tommy and I…we used to…we were dating. Back…you know."

"Before," he finished for you, catching your eye and offering a shy smile, "before everything fell apart."

"Wait…" Joel looked between the two of you, pointing at each of you in turn. He repeated your name and realization dawned on him, "its you? All this time…shit-"

"Language!"

"You've been Tommy's girl?" He was more incredulous than either of you, "how did I never…realize?"

"To be fair, I haven't been anyone's girl in a long time," you stared at your feet, trying not to focus too much on the fact that everyone was staring at you, "and I didn't put two and two together to realize you were his brother. So."

"So," Tommy echoed, rocking back and forth on his heels. Neither of you were quite sure what to say; you never thought you'd been in this position again, "why, ugh, why don't we get you guys settled in? Seems like you might be staying a while."

"Great!" Ellie was able to cut through any of the tension as she stepped between you and Tommy, grabbing hold of his arm. You breathed a small sigh of relief; things had quickly gotten to a point where you didn't know what to even think.

Joel quirked an eyebrow at you but remained silent otherwise. The look was never enough to kill you; damn these Miller brothers. You huffed, "don't say a word, Joel."

He held up his hands in mock surrender as you huffed and followed after Ellie and Tommy.

Well. This day had definitely not gone according to plan. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

After that initial afternoon of introductions and reunions, you managed to avoid Tommy for a few days. It wasn't too hard in Jackson; there were way more people than you had initially imagined. It felt so strange, but wonderful, to be somewhere that felt…normal again. Between that and Tommy, it almost seemed like things really were almost like they had been all those years ago.

"Hey there," his soft voice cut through your thoughts as you turned your gaze away from the softly falling snow and onto him. You stiffened for a moment before smiling at him.

"Hey Tommy," you moved over on the bench and brushed off the powdery fluff. He beamed at the silent invitation and sat down next to you, leaving just enough of a gap between your bodies.

"I was wondering if I'd ever see you again," you could hear the teasing lilt in his voice, "I was almost sure you'd been avoiding me."

"I-I wasn't…avoiding you," it was a lie and you both knew it. Tommy laughed, and you realized just how much you loved his laugh. It had always been one of your favorite things. 

"You've always been a horrible liar," he gently nudged your knee with his and you couldn't help the shy smile that bubbled up, "I guess time doesn't change everything."

"I guess not," your stomach churned with a plethora of emotions. Everything all at once. 

"How'd you end up with my brother?" his cheeks flushed and not just from the cold. It took a moment till you caught on and you almost laughed.

"I'm, ugh, I'm not with Joel," you promised and his shoulders visibly relaxed, "we're just friends. Trust me, I'm not - I'm definitely not - interested in him."

"Oh," you peeked over to see the smile on his face grow, "okay, that's umm, yeah. Good. And you've, ugh, never-"

"No," a shiver ran down your spine as you cut him off. Sure, Joel was handsome but you were definitely not into him, "and no thank you."

"Cool," a silence fell over the two of you, neither awkward or completely still.

"What about you and Maria?" Yeah. You were curious too.

"We…we were together for a while," he confessed and you hated how it made your stomach twist and turn. It wasn't your place to be jealous but…you were feeling particularly green, "but it didn't work out. So we're just friends."

"Well, that's good that you're still friends," and your insides were jumping around happily.

"Mhmm," he hummed in agreement before it grew quiet again. You could practically hear Ellie screaming in your ear to make a move. Lord knows that she was absolutely wanting to see the two of you get tougher again. It would be just like a movie she'd sighed dreamily.

You shifted and angled your body so you were facing him and found that he was watching you intently. You opened and closed your mouth a few times and yet somehow he knew exactly what you were thinking. Tommy leaned in and put his hand on your cheek, hesitating for just a moment to search your eyes for permission before kissing you. 

And suddenly it felt like you'd never stopped kissing him. It all felt so familiar and so…right that you thought you'd never want to forget this again. Tommy Miller always kissed you like his life depended on it.

When he pulled away, and for all you knew he could have been kissing for seconds or hours or minutes, you made a small sound of disappointment.

"I know," there was nothing but affectionate teasing behind his voice, "but if I keep kissing you, I might sink and drown, and die. Give a man a second."

"Was it that bad?" Your eyes widened with worry but the man shook his head.

"The opposite," he grinned, "I just needed a moment so I don't get too crazy for you. It's always been hard."

"Oh," alright, that was a way better answer than you'd hoped for, "I've missed that too. Honestly, I've missed you. A lot…but I feel like that's really obvious to say."

"Not a day passed when I didn't think of you," he admitted shyly, "even if it was just  for a moment, but you were still there in my mind. Like it was yesterday."

"Well, I'm sure the reality," you pointed at yourself, "is disappointing compared to the memory."

"That's where you're wrong," he scoffed as though you must have been blind, "you're just as beautiful now as the day I met you."

"Tommy-"

"I mean it," he put his hand on top of yours and gave it a gentle squeeze, "I've dreamed about this day so many times. I never thought…that I would actually get the chance to see you again."

"Me neither," you really wanted to wrap yourself up in him, "I'm just afraid you're not going to like this version of me. What if I'm not like you remember?"

"None of us are the same, sweetheart," he insisted softly, "we've all been through so much shit. But deep down we're all the people we once were."

"You think so?" You could feel the tears welling up already, "I mean, I'm just assuming you'd want to even…try again. You know what, forget I said anything - you don't want-"

"I do," he quickly cut off any of your negative thoughts, "I really do. You think I'd give up this second chance with my dream girl?"

"Dream girl?" and oh. The way you were looking at him made him want to melt, "I'm your dream girl?"

"You always have been and always will be," he grew bashful as you looked at him in awe, "and I think we were given this opportunity for a reason. And I know it's scary, but if you're in, I kind of want to try again. Us."

"Are you sure?"

"I've been thinking about it since the moment I saw you," he leaned in and you were so close you could kiss him - and you definitely intended on doing that again, "so I guess it's up to you, sweetheart."

"I'm in," you promised without hesitation, "all in."

"Me too," and then he kissed you again, softly but with so much love, "all in."

[ps5captures7]

ELLIE WILLIAMS in The Last Of Us Part II (remastered) [2024]

Captured on PS5, By Me

Capture dates - ??

Post date - Monday, 6th January 2025

all likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated<3

[syrenada]

Can somebody tell me, why is it so normalized here to write fics that are about rape/sa or even have reader act like a literal child?? I came across a few of those and I’m in shock honestly. Why is it so common?