#that woman is so emotionally invested you get emotional invested as well

[pearlsdiamondsandvodka]

the sandra lynn / fig conversation is driving me Insane. fig saying that sometimes she doesn’t wanna exist as herself at all…not wanting to ask her friends how they see her (because she’s afraid to hear their response) saying that to someone she is a monster and she Cannot stop thinking about it. sandra lynn starting the conversation saying she needs to step up but is also simultaneously taken aback about what fig expresses and doesn’t know how to responds to it and suggests getting ice cream. sandra lynn saying “convincing people they deserve good things is really tough” talking about herself but how it also reflects fig. insane!!

[happy74827]

A New Moon

[Dexter Morgan x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Despite his gut telling him he shouldn’t, Dexter can’t help but fall deeper into the trap of his own emotions. And the more time he spends with you, the more he starts to realize what exactly those emotions are. {GIF Creds: beautifulguycollector}

WC: 2889

Category: Slight Lime/Spice, Friends to Lovers + Forbidden Love (if you squint) Tropes

Gotta keep this fandom alive somehow 🥲 (also… why are titles so hard to write? That and the synopsis are harder to write than the actual fic)

『••✎••』

You were too good for him. Plain and simple. You were a smart, beautiful, hard-working woman who had goals and dreams. He was a cold-blooded killer. Not to say that he hadn't been there for you, though. The two of you had been friends since… well, a while. A long while.

He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment he started to notice the changes in your relationship. It was a slow, subtle buildup, and the first time you called him your friend, Dexter thought nothing of it. The second time, it made him pause, but not enough for him to consider what the implications of you saying that to him could mean.

But when you said it again and again and again, he realized the meaning behind your words, the affection they held. Dexter couldn't say that he was particularly close to many people. There were a select few he'd consider his friends, but he wasn’t emotionally invested in any of them. And he didn't think he was invested in you, either.

But maybe he was.

Debs was different, and it made him question how much he was supposed to care about someone. But that was his sister, the one person in the world who loved him unconditionally. That reason alone made his relationship with Deb unique. He was sure of that.

The same went with Brian—his brother, as it turned out. And Harrison, his son. Dexter felt things for those people, but they were different. Those were family, the people he was genetically tied to. Of course, he would care about them.

But you weren't family, and yet he still cared about you. It was a different kind of caring. And it was confusing. Dexter had convinced himself for years that he was a high-functioning sociopath, but lately…

Lately, he was beginning to question if that was true. Simple glances from you could bring an unwelcome smile to his lips. And when he heard the sound of your voice, he could feel his chest getting warm. It was a nice feeling, something he'd only experienced briefly with Rita, but then, that relationship was different too.

It was hard to put his finger on it, but being with you was just… easy. And it didn't feel like work. There was no pretending. Dexter didn't have to act when he was around you. He didn't need to try to be someone he wasn't. It was the real him.

It was terrifying.

Because now, as he sat on your couch, watching as you moved gracefully around your small apartment, the feeling was back, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

He should have been home with Harrison, but the little boy was staying over at Debra’s tonight, so he didn't have any responsibilities. The passenger within him didn’t see it as a problem either, considering he’d just recently “disposed" his latest target.

It was nice, Dexter decided, to relax every once in a while. Work and family didn't give him a lot of opportunities to do so, and now that the two were temporarily taken care of, he felt he deserved to be lazy for a bit.

You didn’t have a TV in your living room, so the two of you settled for movies. Dexter didn’t really have a preference for them. He could watch a comedy, action, drama, or horror and not feel strongly for or against any of them.

Apparently, you didn't mind what he watched either because he could see the spark of excitement in your eyes when you pulled out the case for one of the worst comedy films Dexter had ever seen.

He'd seen it before. Not with you, one of the movies Vince shoved down his throat when he planned a night out with him, Angel, and Quinn.

It wasn't his favorite, not by a long shot, but the grin on your face and the way you eagerly skipped to the DVD player, set the disk inside, and closed the hatch made him bite his tongue.

Dexter had learned a long time ago that you were a very expressive person. And even though most of the time your feelings weren't displayed on your face, your eyes told another story. Such opposites to his own, Dexter often found himself fascinated by the light they held.

You had a passion for life that was rare, and it drew him in. It was a quality he lacked, and he could see it in everything you did. Whether it was talking about the newest book you read or making coffee, you put all of yourself into your actions.

It was something that Dexter had never understood. How could you have such a strong sense of self? Didn't it get tiring, having to live up to a standard of being so… so good?

But then again, you'd always been better than him. He might’ve been smarter in some regards, but what was intelligence if it didn't come from a place of morality? You were better, purer than him. He knew it, and everyone else did, too, even if they weren’t aware of how pure he wasn’t

That's why this was so wrong. This thing that had been going on for the past couple of months between the two of you. The subtle touches, the longing stares, the late-night calls. It was all wrong.

You were similar to Rita in some ways. You were kind and compassionate, always looking for the good in others. You had a knack for taking care of people, whether they needed it or not.

Dexter could tell that was your nature, and it was one of the things that initially attracted him to you. All the things he lacked, you had. But that didn't mean that you could replace Rita. He didn’t want you to.

And that was the difference. While he may have found qualities in you that resembled the ones he'd found in Rita, you were not her. Rita was gone, and it was his fault. She didn’t deserve to die, and yet she did. She deserved to grow old, to see Harrison grow up.

She deserved better.

The same went for you. You didn’t deserve a monster like him. The more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that he should stay away. It was for the best of both of you.

And yet he was here. On your couch, watching a shitty movie and drinking the beer you'd offered him. Because, despite his efforts, he couldn't keep his distance from you.

He should've known. When it came to you, Dexter didn't have a choice.

His gaze drifted over to your form as you sat down beside him. You were smiling, your eyes bright and focused on the television. A lock of hair fell across your face, and you pushed it back, the sleeve of your hoodie falling down slightly.

Dexter had never been so tempted to reach out and touch someone in his life.

It was a feeling that had been creeping up on him the last few weeks, and now, sitting with you, watching a bad movie, it was at an all-time high. He'd never craved intimacy. But there was something about you, a pull that he couldn't deny.

It gave him a sick feeling in his stomach. Reminded him of that need with Lila. God, Lila. What a mess that had turned out to be. Another thing to add to his growing list of mistakes.

And yet, the longer he stared, the more he found himself leaning forward. He didn’t register what he was doing until his lips were a hair width away from yours.

You froze but didn't move away. The only indication that you were startled was the widening of your eyes. They bored into his, unflinching. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

He was scared. Scared? Yes. That was what he was feeling. Why? He didn't know. Fear was new. It was a feeling reserved for Deb and sometimes his son, but even then, it was different.

But as Dexter gazed at you, so close and so beautiful, the fear melted away. It was replaced by a warmth that he was quickly becoming familiar with. It made his body thrum and his blood rush. It made him feel alive.

You were the first one to make a move. Well, not really a move, just the smallest shift forward, and then you were breathing the same air as him. You weren't kissing. You were just… waiting. Waiting for him to make the final move.

It was like an unspoken rule between the two of you, the power dynamic. He was the dominant one, and you were the submissive. You had never fought against it. You were a people pleaser, and he knew that.

It was one of the reasons he knew this was wrong. Because he couldn't stop, and you would never ask him to. Even now, as he hesitated, you waited patiently. You trusted him.

Why did you have to trust him? Why couldn't you be more selfish, more like him?

But deep down, Dexter knew that it wasn't your nature. You couldn't change, not any more than he could.

So, after another agonizing second, he closed the distance between you.

It was gentle, the way his lips pressed against yours. A stark contrast to the usual forcefulness he applied when taking his victims. No, with you, he was careful. Almost timid.

Your lips were soft and smooth, and the kiss was sweet. Nothing more than a simple caress. Dexter didn’t expect the tingling sensation it would cause, but the slight brush of your mouth sent shivers down his spine.

The kiss was short and chaste, but it was enough to leave him feeling dizzy. The heat spread through him, from the tips of his toes all the way to his cheeks.

Dexter pulled back, and you stared at him. His breath hitched in his throat at the look in your eyes. There was something there, something that mirrored his own emotions.

Was it possible? Was he really capable of such intense emotion?

Maybe he was.

You didn’t move. It was like time had stopped, and the only sound that could be heard was his own uneven breathing. That, and the movie playing in the background, which was forgotten as soon as your lips touched.

The urge to reach out and grab you was there. He could feel the need deep in his bones, in his soul. But instead, Dexter sat, staring. Staring into the eyes of the woman who had somehow managed to break down all the walls he'd spent his life building.

You didn't speak. There was nothing to say. No words could describe the feelings that had surfaced between the two of you. So, instead, you smiled. A simple, beautiful smile that had him feeling weak.

He could have stayed there forever, just looking at you, taking in the beauty that was you. It was a new experience for him, and it was nice.

“Debra is going to be pissed," you finally said, breaking the silence. “I’ll be bullied into telling her every detail."

He blinked. Once. Twice. Then, his lips curled up in amusement. It was true. Eventually, she’ll figure it out. Maybe she already knew but was waiting for confirmation. Debra was good at figuring out things, even if it wasn’t the most obvious answer.

His sister was good at a lot of things, like being a detective. And, apparently, being an interfering matchmaking nuisance.

At least she wouldn’t call you the things she called Lila.

The thought made him chuckle, and you looked at him in confusion, but it would have to stay a mystery to you. For what was life without a few private jokes between siblings, right?

You didn’t press for answers, though. You did what you’ve always done and waited for him—waited for him as if it was his turn in Chess.

And he did the only thing he could think to do. He kissed you again. And again. And again. And again. Until he had you pinned beneath him, your arms around his neck, and your breath coming out in heavy gasps.

The kisses were still innocent, just as you were. But he could feel the passion behind them, the hunger. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that. It had been a long, long time.

But the longer he kissed you, the more the heat grew, and soon, he was lost in the sensation. Your hands found their way into his hair, and you tugged at the strands. His heart was racing, and the sound of his own ragged breathing filled his ears.

It was exhilarating.

Your lips parted, allowing his tongue to slip inside, and the innocence was gone. Replaced by a desire that left him trembling. The feeling of your tongue against his, the taste of you on his lips, the smell of your shampoo mixed with your unique scent—it was all intoxicating.

The movie continued to play in the background, forgotten as you pulled him closer. The warmth in his chest intensified, and Dexter didn't fight it. Instead, he embraced it. He gave in to his emotions and let himself feel.

He didn’t go too far; he knew you weren't ready for that yet. The craving was there, and it was strong, but the moment wasn’t right. Instead, he satisfied himself by touching your skin, mapping out every inch of it, memorizing the way it felt under his fingertips.

And, when you finally pulled away, breathless and flushed, he held onto you, refusing to let go. His eyes searched yours, searching for something. Anything. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, he didn’t find it.

He mostly saw fear, anger, and some regret when he had them pinned down beneath him. Of course, that was usually the case with his victims. Fear, anger, and regret were normal emotions—a reaction to being trapped by their own demise.

Having someone look up at him with emotions on the other side of the spectrum was different. Not a bad different, just... different.

Rita had been the first to look at him like that. Lumen did, too, once upon a time. And Lila, well, her emotions were never consistent.

But you? You looked up at him with an expression that was all too familiar and yet not quite the same. Your eyes were full of affection and desire, yes. But they were also filled with something else. Something he couldn't place.

Something he couldn’t understand.

"Dex,” your voice was so soft, a whisper. He almost didn’t hear it, and yet, he felt it. He felt the way his name rolled off your tongue, and it was like music to his ears.

"Yeah?" he whispered back. He didn’t know why he did that; it wasn't like the two of you were speaking in a library or something. Maybe it was the way the light danced in your eyes, the way the colors reflected off the white walls, casting an ethereal glow.

"I didn’t expect you to be… like this," you murmured. You ran a finger over his cheek, down to his jawline. He swallowed thickly. He could feel his pulse quicken.

"Like what?" he asked, his voice rough.

"Not bad," you replied. Your lips curved up, and his eyes were drawn to them. They were red and swollen from kissing, and it was such a contrast to the pale skin of your face.

"You think I'm not bad?" he said, raising his brows. "I'm flattered."

You shook your head. "You know what I mean," you said. "I just meant that you're different than how you come off. I didn’t think you'd be so... bold.”

He snorted.

Bold.

If you only knew.

"I guess I'm full of surprises," he said, smirking. You rolled your eyes and punched him lightly in the shoulder, only for him to catch it and press a kiss to the back of your hand. It was something he picked up from a movie once, and it seemed to be a pretty romantic gesture. And by the look on your face, it seemed to be appreciated.

You didn't say anything else. You didn't have to. There was nothing else to say. The two of you simply enjoyed each other's company, content to just be together. The movie might've been a failure, but the night wasn’t.

And when Dexter finally left, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. Not the type of relief he felt after a successful kill, but the type of relief one feels after a burden is lifted off their shoulders. The type of relief one gets when they are finally honest with themselves.

Rita was gone. Lumen was gone. And although his guilt and shame were still there, his self-loathing and fear were slowly starting to fade away. It wasn't gone, it was never going to be, but it was a start.

A fresh start.

A new beginning.

A new moon.

Yes, tonight was the night that changed everything. Tonight, Dexter Morgan learned that maybe he was more than the monster he thought he was.

[prettyboykatsuki]

oliver talking his partner through it and calling him d**** god your brain is so huge my stomach hurts thinking about this. he’ll never tell you he loves you to your face and tries to fuck you more like he hates you because he doesn’t want to get too attached but as you’re getting close he’s all in your face and your neck, teasing you, biting your ear and softly begging you to tell him how you feel, how it’ll be better for him if you tell d**** just how close you are and how much you need him. takes you over the crest so sweetly, and continues rolling into you, chasing his own. his kisses are nonstop and so overwhelming, and he knows they are but he just really needs to connect with you like this. never the first to say “i love you” but unfortunately (in his opinion) he expresses it in so many other ways. sorry.

but i crumble completely when you cry | a. oliver

✮ tags ; DADDY KINK, afab + fem!reader, situationship!oliver, hooking up, unresolved romantic tension, p in v, praise, soft sex, it gets emotionally strange, riding, creampies, unprotected sex, under-negotiated kink in a sense though oliver is very careful

✮ wc ; 2.2k (i dont want to talk about it)

✮ a/n ; anon im going to haunt your dreams for putting this absurd image into my head when i dont even go here im crying screaming throwing up ive been thinking about it for hours. hours of my life wasted on this guys dick. upsetting!!!!!

also i do not write this often and do not plan too again any time soon so if ur seeing this and thinking about following me for content like it i would not recommend!!!

✮ synopsis ; you don't trust oliver with your heart or your feelings. nor do you expect anything from him.

but it's hard not to lean into him when he decides to cradle you so gently.

Your relationship with Oliver is both very ambiguous and very clear.

There's a line drawn, and you both steer clear of crossing it in your interactions. Oliver is fun. He's attractive and charming, a massive flirt but just genuine enough to be interesting.

It helps that he's hot. Physically, he's got an unreal build.

He's an athlete, so he's big. Wide chest and strong arms, thick thighs and the height to top it off. He's 6'3, and he's sexy (and his dick is huge) - and you sleep with him because of that. You don't date him explicitly because he's a womanizer. If you'd met when you were a little younger, a little more naive - you might've tried to dog-train him into being your boyfriend.

Because on top of the immaculate dick, he's fun to be around. He's funny, he drinks well, he's not a scumbag in the ways that turn you off.

You're old enough to know better. You have a career. You're too busy, and too jaded about love to try and fix whatever weird shit he has going on. So even if the two of you harbor some sort of emotional or romantic feelings for each other, you're smart enough to not get invested in those feelings and smart enough to have no expectations.

Oliver is your fun. He's your sneaky link, your weekend off. You come to him to blow off steam. You have rough, fast sex and it's good. Sometimes you chill afterwards, and you'll indulge each other in some physical affection but other times you take your shower and leave. It's a good time, and you know well enough not to ever ask him for any of your emotional needs. You have your therapist and girl friends for that.

Normally, when you're having a rough week - it's prime time to go to him. He'll fuck you a little harder than usual, and sometimes he's nice enough to kiss it better. But it's still, very distinctly, never crossing that boundary.

But some weeks, like this week - shit is bad. Not just stressful bad, but everything in the fucking world that could go wrong, is going wrong bad. It's not the kind of thing you can get over by compartmentalizing and even when you try to do your usual thing it doesn't really work.

You're trying right now - to get over the fucked up week you had. And you're turned on, but somehow - it's still not enough to get you completely out of it.

Oliver pauses mid stroke, in missionary - hetero-chromatic eyes staring you down as your thoughts are somewhere else completely. You don't notice the first time he stops, or the first time he calls you.

And he only gets your attention by cupping your face and making you look at him. You startle as you cast your glance his way.

"What's with you?" He asks, though he's not pissed or anything "Not feelin' it? Want me to stop?"

"No, you don't have too."

"Not what I asked," He chastises, letting go of your face "Not having your full attention is making me go soft,"

This makes you laugh, and Oliver cracks a smile seeing the tension melt off your face if only slightly.

"I'm cool with stopping." He assures. You let your hand reach up to his shoulder.

"It's not like I want to stop, necessarily? Like I wanna do something to get my mind off it and sex feels like the best option, but you know how it goes sometimes," You say, trying your best to avoid the emotional baggage of your words "We can stop though. I'll pay you for your wasted time," You tack the joke on at the end to ease the tension.

You're expecting him to pull out and stop, or maybe challenge himself into fucking you so good that you forget. Something more quintessentially Oliver than what he does do.

He gives you a blank look first, than a laugh that is a touch too sincere for you to be comfortable "That bad of a week?"

You're suddenly in dangerous territory. Somehow, this strange intimacy makes all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You swallow thickly, the emotions coming over you so quick you end up looking away.

"Yeah. You know. It's fine, but you know."

"Mm," He says. He leans into your space. His breath is warm and his stubble tickles your skin as he whispers in your ear. You feel your breath hitch. And the air feels heavy "Wanna try somethin' else?"

"Like what?"

"A surprise," He says first, and find your stomach tightening. A hollowness in your nerves "Gotta trust me."

"You're scaring me." You joke.

"I'm a sex expert, you know?" Oliver says, humming against your skin "If I can't remedy your little problem with my dick, it's bad for my street cred. My yelp reviews will tank."

"You're such a dumbass."

"Do you trust me?"

You don't know how to answer. Yes, for the most part. Not with everything, but with your pleasure at least. Whatever this is, it doesn't feel the same. But you say yes, anyways. Oliver kisses your jaw in reply, then he pulls out.

He flips position easily. He ends up on his back, then he grabs you to rest on top of him. You're not sure what you're expecting. He holds you by your hips as your sex hovers over his cock. His thumb is rubbing circles into your skin as he sinks you down slowly onto him.

You only stare at him, mouth opening as you feel him stretch you open for a second time.

You're more aware of it this way. He's so thick, and so intrusive - and normally, you're feeling that in hard strokes. Fast and rough, like something knocking into your cervix. But like this, he's hitting a deep angle. You can feel every curve, every inch, as you come down slowly.

He keeps you there. For longer than you'd expect. Just keeps you, settles you, holds you gently. You stare at him as he grabs your hand, locking your fingers. Your first instinct is to panic, or crack a joke - but there's an intense look in his eye that shuts you up.

Uncharacteristically gentle, you find yourself frightened. Oliver's hands reach for you again. They hold your waist and slide up the planes of your body. He holds your tits in his palms and squeezes.

He does this a lot, but there's not usually this much touching. This much foreplay. It's grabby, a deeper pressure. He doesn't...feel you, in the way he is now. You stare at him, and he looks back at you so fondly you feel a strange urge to pretend it never happened.

"Play with your clit," He says, though there's no urgency in his voice.

Deep and smooth, the timbre in it has you shaking. You listen, on auto-pilot as you play with yourself clumsily and build a slow pressure. He just watches.

"C'mere, baby. And don't stop touching yourself."

Another pause. It's not the first time he's called you that. He likes to call you all sorts of things when you're fucking, and baby is one of the few. But not like that. Not like this. He gives you a lazy, self satisfied smile and encourages you by placing a hand on where he can reach on your low back.

You lean down, and Oliver tucks you into his chest. He's warm, and strong - and smells so good, like musk and cologne. Your free hand is on his chest, as he grips your hips and fucks up into you.

"That's it," His voice is pleasant to your ears. It feels funny to you "Just gotta listen to me."

He starts fucking you slowly. It's a familiar feeling, a pleasant stretch that dulls into a euphoric fullness. But it's never been this slow before. Each thrust is slow, and punctual, and so deep you feel yourself gasping. It's not enough to push you over the edge, but it's enough to make your mind feel a little numb.

You think he's going to keep at you like this, maybe edge you to take you out of it. But he doesn't. He keeps his pace.

"Had a hard time this week, didn't you, tough girl?" He mumbles, so low it doesn't feel real. You feel your heart start to race. You feel your throat start to close around something, choking "Did a good job and came to me. Gonna let me take care of it?"

You stumble. You aren't sure what to say, you nod and hope he feels it. He laughs a little. You can't be sure if you're fucking Oliver or not.

You know it's him but he's never been like this. Not once. Not ever.

"Gonna let daddy take care of you?" He says, though it's tentative. Your breath hitches. Something strange overwhelms your senses "Tell me, baby."

"Uhm," Your first reaction is a sense of resistance, an immediate pull away. Not that you hate it but you aren't sure how to adjust. You squirm, but you don't tell him no. You feel like you can't in this state "Uh-uh,"

He keeps surprising you, pressing his lips to yours where you hover over him, tender as he ups the pace of his thrusts.

"That's what I like to hear," He almost sounds proud "You'll hurt your head if you think too much. And I'd be a bad daddy, letting that happen, yeah?"

A vulnerable, foreign sensation drives you to speak "You're not bad in that way."

He laughs "Just in other ways, right?"

You giggle "Uh-huh."

"But not in this one," He repeats, very carefully. He fucks into you harder now, pays extra special attention to you. It's all for you, is what he's saying in a language completely foreign yet somehow so known. One only the two of you will ever know fully, confined in the four walls of this room "Daddy is good at taking care of you like this, so you should let him do just that. Tough girls always need their daddies, hm?"

It's what ends up tipping you up over the edge. You cling to him, succumbing to whatever weird space the two of you have fallen into you. Suspended in this odd sense of comfort that Oliver has thrust you in unannounced.

You don't trust Oliver with a lot, and this is more than what you should ever find yourself giving. In the back of your head you think you should pull away.

But he's comforting. It feels good, and strangely feels safe - and even for all the ways he's awful, you trust he'd never do anything bad to you. Even if it's a blip in the timeline, for now it's what you need. A blurry cross into your emotional needs that translate into your physical ones. Too much and so overwhelming, you hug closer to him and take a deep breath.

"Mm," You let yourself lean into him. Just this once, you promise yourself. "I wanna cum."

"Want it a little harder?"

"Mhm,"

"Then Daddy will give it to you a little harder, yeah? Anything for you." He says, and you try not to think to deeply on what that really means. Because even in this state you know it's not nothing, but you should never pry "Daddy can give you anything you want."

"Yeah?"

He chuckles a little as he fucks into you hard. Fucks into you how you need. You're wet enough, and wondering if you were always so into being doted on. Or if it's just the fact that it's Oliver. Another thing you decide to overlook as you zero in on the sensation of being pistoned from underneath. You're soaking. The room noisy with the sticky noise of Olivers cock penetrating you over and over, skin hitting skin as his hips press against your ass. His grip is bruising but not intentionally, his chest huffed in pleasure.

He's just as close as you are, you know all of his cues. You play with your clit faster, sensitive bud throbbing hard as all the blood rushes south. Your mouth has fallen open as the slow, thick desire coiling and culminating into something cosmic. Something big and heavy, but not too fast. Not a crash landing like you're used to.

But a single weight, the force of a star dropping to Earth. You figure Oliver is the gravity in your universe, holding you down so you don't float too far. You want to cling onto him for much longer.

And somehow, you're inclined to think he would let you.

"Oliver," You say his name as it builds, then decide on something else "Daddy,"

"I'm here, baby," He says back, like it's all he has to say for everything to make sense when nothing about this does "I'm right here. Let go."

So you do. You cum hard, and it comes in long never ending waves. Too much. It makes you collapse in Olivers arms, both arms coming around his neck as he continues to fuck you through the aftermath.

"Gonna," He voices, rasping as his thrusts become sloppy "Shit. Cumming, shit."

He cums with you, cums deep inside like usual and you mewl at the feeling of being filled with hot, sticky seed.

When it's over, you're almost afraid to look at him. When the tensions settled, and his chest goes back to it's steady breaths - you wonder whats going to happen next.

"Wanna stay like this for a while?"

You nod.

"Mm. Sleepy."

"Stay like this, then. I'll wake you in a little."

"So you can kick me out?" You joke, trying to pretend nothing is different. He pauses.

"Just to shower," He whispers, hand resting on your lower back "Sleep."

There's too much to think about. Tomorrow will be strange. You let yourself succumb to your own exhaustion.

"Okay."

[sitp-recs]

top 10 drarry fics by the sheer force of the feels they gave you? not necessarily good feels! things you remember primarily because they hit hard in some way.

obviously, i'd also love to hear exactly how/why they hit hard if you're up for sharing that!

Oh that’s such a wonderful ask, thank you! I’m sorry for the late reply, the 10 fics came easily bc whenever I see those titles I get immediately transported back to where I was and what I felt reading them for the first time. But putting into words what exactly makes them heartkick-y for me was a bit more challengeging. It’s usually a “when you feel it you know it” kind of thing (and quite literally too, as sometimes it manifests as an actual physical reaction!) but more often than not the fic just clicks for me and there’s no rationale behind it. As Clarice Lispector said: “I suppose that understanding myself is not a question of intelligence but of feeling. It either touches you, or it doesn't."

Anyhoo, I tried my best to keep this short and sweet but since I’ve written individual recs for almost all these fics, I thought I’d include them too :) thanks again, this was super fun! And I’d love to read about your picks as well 👀

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned | my rec

it doesn’t get more romantic than star-crossed lovers doomed by time travel!!!! (see also: my thoughts on The Eighth Tale by lettered). this is my brand of melancholy, something about the constant yearning, the beauty of stolen moments in liminal space, the unfairness of it all… ugh

Far From the Tree by aideomai | my rec

fft has altered my brain chemistry and ruined me forever with its tender devastation, I had such a visceral reaction to it - to the point of feeling dizzy and feverish. a simple time travel concept (this is my kryptonite istg) but the epic storytelling! the gratification! the bittersweet ending! rereading it would kill me but what a way to go

Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren

easily one of the most haunting and terrifying fics I’ve ever read, one jumpscare after the other but so creative and well-written I was too busy collecting my jaw from the floor to talk myself out of it lol

Little Compton Street by writcraft | my rec

as a queer woman, this one feels extremely personal and is very dear to my heart. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt learning about queer history and finding a sense of peace and belonging. lcs feels like coming home 🏳️‍🌈

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

this was my first bb fic and their sense of humor just blew my mind. I was so impressed by the smooth world building, by their wit and clever political commentary. I just couldn’t stop laughing. the dialogue is so good it makes me wanna weep, I can’t explain how much joy and comfort this fic gave me

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore

full disclosure: my reading experience was shaped by the fact that I didn’t realize the tagged disability would be major and permanent 🤡 by the time I noticed I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t stop. one of the most painful reads I’ve ever endured, worth it tho

Running on Air by eleventy7 | my rec

introspective fics are my jam and this one was just what I needed while working through some shit at a turning point in my life. so I guess it was more about finding the right fic at the right time, and I’m hit by mixed feelings of catharsis and nostalgia every time I revisit roa.

Still Life (orphaned) | my rec

my definition of a perfect shortfic. gorgeous prose, flawless execution, the “nothing is happening but everything is changing” vibes I live for, one of the best Harry pov I’ve ever read and an ending that always makes me gasp in awe. few authors can write complex emotions so effortlessly as seefin, absolute masterclass

Super Rich Kids by trishjames | my rec

criminally underrated, this story broke my heart but also gave me such a THRILL. I usually avoid substance abuse in fic but something about Draco’s spiral journey felt so raw it kept me at the edge of my seat. devastating but also a surprisingly funny and exciting thriller. the range!!!

The Long Fall by tackytiger | my rec

as someone who’s never been into kid fic and family dynamics, this was a punch on the solar plexus and rearranged my whole view about this trope. I was deeply moved by Harry’s longing for a family of his own and despite not having or wanting kids, this still felt really cathartic and changed me in a way I can’t quite explain.

[thatbitchery]

As a woman I've been accused of being 'masc' for plenty things, my absolute favorite has been the fact that i refuse to play therapist or trauma dump to literally anyone,including my friends or family.

Ladies, they are right. Women are more predisposed to emotion than men are. I'm afraid they are right. This is an evolutionary biological truth that XX does make you emotionally based.

This is not a weakness. In fact in plenty ways this is an advantage. Presence of emotion is not lack of logic, the two are not opposing forces.

This could very well be your greatest weakness, if you let it.

Almost every single form of abuse is enhanced by emotion. The people that hurt you did so because you had emotion invested. Every single piece of pain you've felt has been because you had your feelings caught up. This is why Shera7 says if you start liking him, run. When feelings walk in success jump out of the window. Why ? Emotion is a lizard brain thing, it leaves you completely pre disposed to instinct, and instinct isn't about what's good for you it's about what's good for survival. We say turn your feelings off because your feelings are concerned with the most basic of survival instincts, not progress.

That being said,let's get back to where this post was headed to pre rant- you're not a therapist. Don't act like one. Your feminine urge to fix and nurture is meant for your children, my love. Children. It's a caregiver package kind of deal. Is it your child? Well- a child? No? Mind your business. Everyone below the age of 15 yes can tap into that therapist that's you but the rest? Especially men? No.

Heres the thing- sex is the least burdening thing m3n use women for. In fact in most cases you could get used by someone without them ever touching your skin, and you feel it. You feel when you're getting used. Whether it is for your softness or intellect or free labor or nurturing side or- you can feel it. You can feel it when someone is draining from your feminine pool, and one great advantage of being female is your instincts are 5× more enhanced than your brother.

Stop letting people use you as a live in therapist to trauma dump or leave in cheerleader to gloat, and the 'people' is inclusive of women but mostly men.

The second the childhood trauma makes a cameo into the conversation they have ten seconds to wrap it up before you clock out.

Relationships are not based on the past they are based on the present. When we say be vulnerable- we are talking about your needs. Your desire. Your emotions- in the present. What does your childhood have to do with us right now my dude? & Hollywood has made it seem like trauma dumping is the ultimate form of trust- I've never told anyone about this so you're special because I told you it means I trust you- ew no get a therapist? If I'm special buy me a jet or stocks- invest in my wellbeing. How is knowing your past a special thing? Every offense possible meant- but what does your dad gotta do with trusting me? If you trust me lets be partners in a business? Hollywood has made it seem like it's a milestone in a relationship to know all the trauma tea- and maybe it is, but it means nothing. It's simply information.

In fact I've learned over time the trauma dump is an investment to future fuck ups as an excuse and a bail-me-out method. Babe you know my dad used to be shitty so excuse me for not knowing how to communicate and hurting our relationship you should let this go because three months ago I made an investment into my bail account for all my future fuck ups by opening up to you. Uhm. No bye. You don't deal with your issues so I have to? Door. Down the hall to the left. Lock it and forget my pass key, I suggest finding one to a therapist. I'm not paying in my adulthood for your childhood, Chad. Your past can not hurt my present, Chad, get a therapist. Chad. It wasn't your fault but it's also not mine, Chad, so I'm not taking responsibility for or the burnt of it, Chad. Matter of fact I'll take advantage of you over it, Chad, like you're trying to take advantage of me through it. Chaddie buddie.

On the same note, do not be anyone's cheerleader or gloat pot. Another thing m3n could use you for- especially if you're easy to please- ego enhancer. No don't get me wrong by all means do cheer your people in their achievements, but- achievements. Not thoughts or philosophies or worse- ambition. Achievements are tangible. I ran a marathon today- Yay. I'm planning to run a marathon- ok good luck. I bought stocks- Ok. I have a billion dollar idea- mhm. I made a billion dollars- great. I think children suffering is bad- OK. I donated to a child support cause- Yay. When I was ten I was boxing champion. Kk. I made it into the boxing championship- yay. Learn to cheer results that you find worthy of cheering- not something as bland and useless as ambition or an idea or- God forbid- philosophy or belief system. I know they trained you well in the bare-minimum-simpy camp but not to worry. I'll pluck it all out.

If you do not have the kind of relationship that allows them to be that open with you, let them know. Either mentally clock out, ie

"So actually my dad was really abusive. He-"

You: stare out the window. Echo a mhm. Take interest in the floor. Echo a 'ok'. Look at your phone.

Or, b) let them know

"When I was a kid I-"

"I don't think we have the kind of relationship where you should tell me that, let's stick within our boundaries. I think I need more lemonade. By the way, Alex told me-"

Or c) okay, and?

"You know I think what they're doing in Palestine is wrong because-"

"How much have you donated so far? "

"Well nothing, but"

"I think a donation will do more good than a philosophical discussion, we all know it's wrong. I emailed you the files. See you later"

See the thing, my love, is you're not stupid. You can tell. You can tell when you're being used you can tell when you're being exploited and when you force yourself to look past it in an attempt to 'score a relationship' or 'keep the peace' you make an investment in future abuse and you will hate yourself for it. Tell me I'm lying. Tell me you don't look into your past self with disgust. Tell me trauma dumping and gloat potting have not played a part in you getting used. Go on.

[my-mt-heart]

Day 2 of "what the hell is going on with TBOC's promo," which is kind of a rhetorical question because I'm pretty sure we're witnessing a duel between two opposing marketing strategies again. I wish AMC would just put their foot down already and tell the dudes trying to ruin everything for Melissa and the fans to sit in the corner and stfu because the whiplash is not serving anyone, especially not two weeks before the premiere. Let's look at these bios...

Carol’s bio really does capture the true nature of what Daryl means to her and it gives her a strong emotional drive for her journey in S2. I think it also could've touched on her dealing with the trauma of losing Sophia all those years ago to round out her arc, although I'd argue that even that isn't separate from finding Daryl seeing as though that loss "ignited" their "unbreakable bond" in the first place. In any case, I like Carol's bio a lot and I have no doubt Melissa's performances throughout the season will bring it to life. Whether or not Zabel's writing can live up to it is a post for another day (Notice that the word "friend" did not come up once? That's how you know Zabel didn't get final approval on this one). Here's the thing about soulmates, though. If one feels that deeply connected, the other should too. If one of their stories gets damaged, the other's does too and that's what's bothering me right now. We should see their soulmatism reflected in Daryl's story as well, but we don't and without that mirroring, both his and Carol's journeys just feel sad.

Long before the promo circuit for TBOC started, I was worried that we wouldn't get to see Daryl fighting to get home to Carol (specifically), catch glimpses of him missing/thinking about her (specifically), or feel that spiritual connection that Carol does and this bio does absolutely nothing to alleviate my worries. This makes it sound like Daryl is going to be solely focused on whatever is going on in France until Carol arrives and even then, I worry about how he'll interact with her (thanks again for your unthoughtful analysis on that, Zabel). Similar to how Daryl has been taken hostage by the French characters, albeit through gaslighting, it feels like he has also been taken hostage by Zabel, Nicotero, and other men in charge who desperately want to use him as a stand-in for the generic, emotionally unavailable action hero that male viewers are supposed to identify with and/or aspire to. They won't let him be the character many of us were drawn to in the flagship show: the unconventional hero who's loyal to his family and falls in love "forever" with one woman (Carol). Like I said yesterday, "loyal" Daryl is the only Daryl I recognize and the only Daryl I want to watch, so it needs to be explicitly clear where Daryl's heart lies. We need to see that Carol is his first and only choice and we also need to see that Daryl has no romantic interest in Isabelle. That's the other problem...

Without Daryl's and Carol's bios mirroring each other as they should, Carol and Isabelle get framed as opponents in a quest for Daryl's heart, which is completely unnecessary, gross, and straight out of the "book of TV tricks" Zabel claims not to use. Daryl and Carol have 11 seasons of chemistry to capitalize on. Caryl's romance is the only one that's been earned, the only one I'm invested in, and the only one that needs payoff. Clemence is an extremely talented actress whose portrayal of a nun could've added something really fresh to the story, but having her catch "feelings" for Daryl after knowing him only a few months and question her long-standing faith of over a decade not only paints her as a weak woman whose weak principles are no match for a man's charm(?), but also glosses over the string of lies and emotionally manipulative plays she made against Daryl in S1. Isabelle's character has become nothing more than Zabel's and Nicotero's seriously problematic projections of what defines a woman, and I don't want it. It's an insult to Clemence, to Caryl's bond, to Daryl's history of childhood abuse, and to fans who have also suffered through CA or DV. So believe it or not, retconning her as a "former" nun all of a sudden does absolutely nothing to make this forced romance less abhorrent, AMC.

If the last couple of days have proved anything, it's that Daryl's and Carol's show needs a female showrunner who understands how to write not only complex female characters like Carol (and like Isabelle could have been), but complex male characters who don’t fit the dudebros’ definition of what makes him masculine or heroic. That's what Caryl, Melissa, and the fans deserve. They deserve a successful show and promo that gets everyone excited instead of confused and anxious. I enjoyed the clip of McReedus discussing the scene where Carol flirts with Daryl on top of the bus in S3, I liked hearing them confirm that Daryl's reaction was due to trauma and not lack of desire. I wish AMC would let them do the heavy lifting instead of trying to placate three EPs who keep self-sabotaging (seriously, you don't need all of them hogging the mic and spewing nonsense at Palyfest/NYCC). I don't appreciate being given consolation prizes (today's video, Carol's bio, yesterday's poster) after being kicked in the teeth. It says a lot about what I can expect from the season, which isn't very encouraging. It just means AMC is still trying to make everyone happy and will end up making no one happy and potentially ruining two iconic characters in the process.

[grassbreads]

The more I linger on it, the more I think this might be the most subtly unhinged thing in all of SGRS. What do you MEAN you dated for eight years and never told each other your real names???

Miyokichi talks after the breakup about how she was putting on a "professional front" with Kikuhiko. As a survival technique, Miyokichi tends to make herself into whatever she thinks the man she's with wants from her, and in this case, that means she presented herself as her idea of Kiku's idea of a "good woman" for a full eight years while they were together. She probably would have tried to go on like that forever if he didn't break things off.

Yet at the same time, I think she's rightfully upset on some level that Kiku never looked at her more deeply. We see very little of their relationship, only the beginning and the very end, but given what we do see, it seems like Kiku never quite stops holding Miyokichi at arm's length. He goes along with things and initiates some level of closeness (like leaning into her when he's upset during the rain), but he doesn't push her to get more intimate.

Kiku looks scared when Miyokichi talks about dying during their breakup, he defends her personhood to his master, and he wants to bring her back to Tokyo with along Konatsu and Sukeroku when he finds them, so it's not like he doesn't care about her at all. But while he treats her his own version of decently, he never tries to get to know her on a deeper level. He doesn't take initiative to look for who she is behind her front for him.

(Personally, I'd blame his disinterest in knowing her largely on his own fear of being known, but we don't have time to get into that right now).

The problem with Miyokichi's frustration with being taken at face value, though, is that she doesn't know Kikuhiko's real name either. She most likely never asks, just like Kiku never asks hers. I think she falls in love with the idea of dating Kiku as much if not more than she falls in love with him. He's safe and well-mannered and very handsome, and I think his distant coldness is a comfort to her on some level because neglect, though an unhappy business, is what she has experience with.

Miyokichi likes the idea of ~being the woman~ and supporting Kiku emotionally. I'm sure she encouraged some playact of emotional intimacy between them. I'm sure they found comfort in each other in a very real way sometimes. But, if she got to know Kiku too well, she would have seen things about him she didn't like. Could she have truly known him without knowing he didn't love her the way she wanted? She never quite looks deeper to see whether he's really the type of man that she needs him to be.

I think Kiku is a bit more at fault for the dysfunction in their relationship overall. Whether or not he was ever properly attracted to or in love with her, he's quite clearly an inattentive boyfriend to an egregious degree. Who the hell goes traveling for an extended period without saying a word to their partner?? But he's not the only one that lets their partner pretend to be something they're not.

Kiku and Miyokichi are both very talented actors. Boyfriend and Girlfriend are roles that they're both playing. They're the happy heterosexual couple! Miyokichi seems to latch onto Kiku in large part for the sake of her safety (and because she doesn't know how to exist without a boyfriend in her life). And however much pleasure he may or may not get from Miyokichi's advances, I think Kiku stays in the relationship with her at least in part out of a sense of social obligation. She's beautiful and hitting on him. Young men are supposed to have girlfriends. He's encouraged to date to get experience for his rakugo. Is saying "no" even an option?

But because they're both playing roles, because they're both invested in Doing A Relationship as much as they're invested in each other as individuals, both of them skim along the other's surface. Neither of them ever volunteers to tell the other their real name, and apparently neither of them ever tries to ask. They spend eight years together, but those years are spent dating the personas of Kikuhiko and Miyokichi, not daring to look at the people underneath those masks.

[lisa-cuddys]

Upon a rewatch, I realized why this DW finale felt unsatisfying and underwhelming for me, and there are 2 reasons

1. Ruby’s mom being a random woman plot twist didn’t work for me. Mainly because all those mysterious clues and threads throughout the season effectively meant nothing and led nowhere. I get that the message of ordinary people can do the most extraordinary things and are the most important people who can save the world, is the classiс for Doctor Who, and I have always loved that this is the heart of the show. But as a plot twist it just didn’t work, the plot twist is when the little clues are still meaningful but in a completely unexpected way. And it just didn’t happen this season.

Let’s take a few examples from RTD1:

- Bad Wolf plot twist was so satisfying because it was Rose, who ended up being this power that saved the universe, and the Doctor expected it to be an external force, but it was someone he LOVED. This is why it was so good and well executed and all threads make sense upon rewatch.

- The YANA plot twist was so satisfying because it was leading to the Master, someone coming back, and all little clues make sense upon rewatch, moreover it was even more impactful because it was IMPORTANT to both the Doctor’s and Martha’s journeys and had an impact on them both, and played a very significant part in Martha’s character arc and her character development, as well as a huge impact on the Doctor as a character and his arc, because the Master was someone the Doctor cared about, not just a random character or villain.

- The double heart beat plot twist from Journey’s End, the whole Metacrisis plot was a satisfying resolution because the clues made sense upon rewatch, and impacted all characters involved, it was meaningful because we as an audience already cared about all characters impacted by this arc. It illicited emotion because WE cared and the characters CARED about this situation and were directly impacted by it, and all threads connected in a way that was emotionally satisfying.

- The four knocks plot twist was especially good, because it subverted the audience AND the Doctor’s expectations in a very satisfying way without making the threads look meaningless or misleading or meaningless. The Doctor expected these four knocks to come from an enemy, be a sign of his demise, but instead it was coming from the person the Doctor loved and cared about and it was not meant to harm him, it was just calling for the Doctor to do what he always does, SAVE SOMEONE, and what made this twist so good, is that this someone is a person the Doctor loves and WE as an audience love as well. This plot twist made for a good tragedy. It had an impact.

And now this season’s plot twist is just…not connected with any of the threads presented in the arc, it felt completely disjointed, and most importantly, it didn’t make me feel invested.

Because:

a) they didn’t flesh out Ruby as a character enough for me to care about this emotional twist

b) the plot clues ended up meaningless

And that’s why it all felt so underwhelming, unsatisfying and just…flat.

2. The Doctor and Ruby’s relationship didn’t get me invested. We see this big goodbye scene that is supposed to be so meaningful and sad, but I felt…kinda nothing about it, except for the part where the Doctor still couldn’t say “I love you” and it obviously affected him, but he still smiled and kept up the façade. This is about the only thing that made me feel things in this scene. And the reason is why this “I love you” moment felt empty because we didn’t see any of the friendship development between the Doctor and Ruby, we were told they are friends, but we were NOT shown that friendship grow, there was no relationship development moments, that would make me invested in this friendship.

 “Parting of the Ways” goodbye was meaningful because we saw this relationship grow, we saw Nine and Rose bond and fight and learn from each other and challenge each other, we felt what they felt.

“Journey’s End” goodbye was meaningful because we saw Ten and Donna become important to each other, we saw them talk and bond and fight and learn from each other and making each other better.

And in this instance goodbye again told us that these characters had a meaningful relationship, the Doctor says Ruby taught him the meaning of family, but we never saw any of that fleshed out on screen. We were told, not shown. And this is what made this scene kinda empty of meaningful substance for me. Ncuti’s acting was stellar as always, and thanks to him that scene still made me emotional despite the lack of investment in this relationship.

I really hope that the next season will deliver more on the plot and character arcs. I do believe al this might be due to the constrains of the 8 episode shortened season, but I will definitely lower my expectations, but still stay hopeful it will get better.

[bengiyo]

Boys Be Brave Eps 5 & 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Jeong Gi Seop continued his pursuit of Kim Jin Woo by altering himself to meet Jin Woo’s criteria, including feminizing his appearance and getting a tattoo of a mole. Jin Woo bumped into a woman that was his exact type, and he hers, in a library, and the two went on a date. However, Jin Woo was thinking about Gi Seop the whole time. It seems this young lady knows Gi Seop and hates his ass. Meanwhile, we learned that the sides were close in high school until Balgeum’s poverty got in the way and he ghosted Ji In Ho.

Episode 5: Someone I can like

Is this young Gi Seop? Was he a sickly child?

I see, he learned to fake it to keep his sister from worrying too much and then projected that onto everyone.

Kang Hye Jin is so valid. Gi Seop is ridiculously emotionally stunted and hurting people with his behavior.

Thank you, Balgeum, for telling this man to figure out his feelings and confess. He’s working my nerves.

They really wanted us to understand how poor Balgeum is by having this man use hold file cabinets for basic storage in his apartment.

I love pragmatic housewarming gifts like toilet paper.

This seems like a lot of food to order for Balgeum. He definitely wants this to go well. I’m touched.

I’d like to think Balgeum unconsciously left the socks out in the hopes that Ji In Ho would see them.

I’m really feeling Ji In Ho and the way he just wants to be around Choi Balgeum.

Kang Hye Jin joins the ranks of our Korean bisexual women holding it down in their shows.

The fact that Kim Jin Woo and Kang Hye Jin have switched swings from before feels significant.

Recognizing that they made their ideal type lists to spite Jeong Gi Seop feels like important growth for them. I also like that they were able to speak openly with each other because they feel so similar.

It’s kind of interesting how this show has put so many barriers between these two that I don’t even feel bad about this misunderstanding.

Episode 6: Realizing your feelings and confessing

I feel some kinda way about Kim Jin Woo feeling like he should have confessed. He observed Gi Seop disappoint scores of people who confessed to him.

See, this is the thing that bothered me from jump: Gi Seop knew he was leaving the country. Pushing Kim Jin Woo wasn’t a great choice. Why stir this man’s feelings just to bail on him?

This turn about recognizing that he can’t say no to people, but sees that he does like Jin Woo isn’t totally landing for me.

Hm, I am curious what they intend to do by drawing a line between the dad and Gi Seop.

I am having flashbacks to when some folks let me down and reserved tickets at the wrong theater and then didn’t tell us they changed the plan and four of us went to the wrong theater.

Oh nooo, Balgeum is embarrassed by his poverty again.

Thank you, Ji In Ho, for hugging this man and not just letting him run away again.

I wanna get Ji In Ho’s story. What feelings has he been sitting with this whole time?

Once again, trains playing an integral part in my little gay stories. Americans, take notes. Talk to your leaders. Fast and frequent buses and intercity trains will begin the process.

The episode title said this was about confessing, and only the sides confessed! This hug doesn’t count!

I am really feeling the relationship between the sides in this one. We don’t have to say gay between Choi Balgeum and Ji In Ho for me to feel it there. I am so invested in the two of them figuring out if they can work even if Ji In Ho has more prospects. However, the continued weirdness with the mains remains an emotional barrier for me. I am glad we finally got some answered about Jeong Gi Seop this week, and now I need to know what he actually wants for himself since I suspect he’s only agreed to study abroad because he was saying yes to his sister.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Eddie is one of my favorite characters because I genuinely do enjoy flawed characters, but at the same time... The utter lack of self-awareness this man has??? Makes me want to scream!!

The sheer audacity, to be like

"Umm hey so Chris is a player, so Buck will you plz come and I dunno, give him a parental "Playing-With-Peoples'-Emotions-Is-Bad"-type talking to? You'll know how to talk about being a player - I don't. Because I don't know shit about playing, I am a NESTER. I nest!"

Aaargh. !!!!EDMUNDO!!! When will you wake up to reality, you utter moron!

Guess what, you do have experience of playing with emotions!!

Because hey, you are actually the WORST type of player!!! You play with peoples' feelings BY NESTING!!

You have a freaking history of meeting a woman and then very fast jumping into playing house with them... While you fake being emotionally invested in them!!

AND while you do that, you also trample on the emotions of the person - by person I mean Buck - you actually ARE so clearly invested in.

I mean. Wasn't it YOU, who impregnated a woman, asked her to marry you, and then fucked off to a freaking warzone?! Recall Shannon tearfully telling you that she just needed you to have her back? Does that ring ANY bells in that dim mind of yours?

Remember Ana, the woman you asked out, introduced to your son, played family with, and then broke up with - admitting that you'd asked her out because you'd just liked the idea of you two as a couple?!

You liked Ana as a concept, not a person, while making her think that you're really into her. That's playing with emotions, Eddie, you total moron!

And hey, remember Buck? The man you keep pulling close and then pushing back?

You make him feel like you're a FAMILY, you make these really heartfelt speeches in which you declare how IMPORTANT he is to you,

you basically invite him to raise your child with you... And then nevermind, you're off to play house with someone else!!

It's so freaking hot and cold, the poor man must be getting whiplash!!!

Really. You get shot, you tell Buck you've made him your child's legal guardian, that it's literally in your will...

Hey Eddie. Weren't you dating Ana when you told him that?

Then you stare at Buck in the face, the man who has been so ingrained in your family... who puts your child to bed, helps him with his homework, takes him to the zoo, survives a freaking natural disaster with your child, who sleeps on your couch, cooks for you, plays video games and board games with you three like a family, who you fucking flirt with...

And you look him in the eyes, and talk about your girlfriend,

say that "we became a ready-made family and I don't know if I'm ready for that!!!

Who even is this "we", Eddie? You and Ana and Chris?! You and Buck and Chris?! Do you know? Does he know?

Aaargh. YOU ARE A PLAYER!! REALISE IT, YOU FUCKER!! You play with everyone's emotions, even your own, you're so freaking stupid!

And really, then the audacity to ask Buck to have a talk with Chris about "playing with emotions"...

Hey Eddie, since we're talking about playing, if you need someone to help you with parenting, here's an idea, why don't you ask your GIRLFRIEND??!

And do tell, when you supervise your son's date with the woman you're dating... How is it not your date, as well.

And again, the utter bizarreness of making it "clear" to Buck that you're not going on a date with the woman you're dating when you meet up with her.

Really, what will it take for you to grow some brains, Eddie? When will it dawn on you what an emotional mindfuck you are?!

What does it take?

Buck AND your date performing an alarmingly poignant and heartfelt duet of "Quit playing games with my heart" at Chimney's and Maddie's wedding?!

You vex me. YOU VEX ME!!!

Okay I need a cup of tea, I'm not well. It's too much.

[wildpeachfarm]

I was catching up on the latest, and something i saw while scrolling past a fair number of previous asks is people feeling guilty about wanting to know / questioning caitis intentions.

To put some perspective on this, I'd like to relate it to another major event that had conflicting emotional and moral sides painting the situation as black and white. The warring media & news outlets during the height of the pandemic. I bring this up not to debate sides or politics in any way, but because it taught me a very valuable lesson about intent. To sum up, I was a very scared young woman with serious medical issues hearing doom and gloom over the news, conflicting information and updates, and my mental health plummeted drastically. I was so angry and upset all the time, and it was a constant topic throughout my days. But while ranting to someone more mature than me, they brought to my attention that my reaction was the intent. My obsessive viewership for the latest updates was the intent. They taught me to ask myself, what does this person or information source gain from my knowing and reacting and it changed how I process these situations.

Now, I won't rehash every little thing, and I'm not disregarding anyone's experiences or feelings, but time and again, caiti has made me question her intentions with the way she's handled the situation. Because I'm reminded of when I was a teenager and posted a couple long-winded rants on Facebook about emotional abuse from my parents. Did that make my experience any less valid? Absolutely not. Was there a lot of "my reality was not THE reality"? YES - I was an ADHD teenager with unaddressed emotional and mental health problems lacking in communication skills (but not lacking in a platform to "share my experience") and my parents were/are emotionally constipated assholes. Was I publicly posting that content to get attention, validation, and a sense of retribution against my parents? Yes. I was angry and hurting, and I wanted to hurt them back.

These examples are not the same as the situation at hand for a reason. Because perspective and intent are important. Its healthy to ask yourself what someone gains from sharing a narrative, not to be overly suspicious and question motives, but so that you as a person (or in this case, an audience member) can remain objective, keep an open mind, and not overly invest your mental health and well-being into the outcome of that narrative.

Sorry for the long rant 😅

good insight anon! Not something I had ever thought of comparing it to but I appreciate you adding this :)

[halimamis]

How to write the first chapter Part 2

I'm back with Part 2 on how to write a good first chapter. Read Part 1 here.

A Voice That Slaps (in a Good Way)

Your writing voice should be like that person at the party everyone’s drawn to: funny, mysterious, intense—whatever fits the vibe of your story. Whether you’re snarky or poetic, let your voice shine. Just not, like, in a “I’m yelling at you with CAPS LOCK” way.

Make Us Feel Things

No pressure, but if we’re not emotionally invested by the end of chapter one... well, we’re probably not sticking around. We need to feel something—fear, joy, suspense, awkward secondhand embarrassment—whatever it is, give us that emotional hit. Just one hit. We’re hooked now. Thanks.

Purpose, People.

Have a Goal. The first chapter should hint at where the story is going. Give us a sense of what we’re chasing. What’s the big picture? Doesn’t have to be crystal clear, but at least leave us a breadcrumb trail. There's an abusive neighbor, what do you think will happen? The lights in the kitchen were on although you swore you had turned them off before you left. Your dog doesn't like your friend and keeps barking every time you're near them... etc

Memorability: Hit Us with That Wow Factor

Make your first chapter stand out. Whether it’s a killer line, an unforgettable scene, or just a vibe we can’t shake, make it memorable. You know, the kind of thing that makes us put down the book and go, “Whoa. That was epic,” or even just, “I need to see where this mess is headed.” For example, the book "They Both Die at the End" by Adam Silvera starts with a chilling premise where two people are informed the day they will die. The first line instantly captured the attention and made readers curious enough to finish to the end.

Balance Between Show and Tell

You’ve heard this a thousand times, I know. Show, don’t tell! But also... sometimes, it’s fine to tell. It’s just all about balance. Don’t give us 10 paragraphs of internal monologue, but also don’t make us guess at everything. We’re not detectives. Don't info dump but don't be selfish.

Example: Lara was a 25-year-old woman with long, chestnut hair and emerald-green eyes that she had inherited from her mother, who had passed away five years ago in a tragic car accident. She worked as a marketing assistant in a big city, though her real passion was pottery, which she had been doing since she was 14 after taking a class at summer camp. Her favorite color was blue, her best friend was named Sarah, and she always had her morning coffee with two sugars but no milk, because she was lactose intolerant... etc.

Okay, we get it. So much info.

Now Balanced Storytelling (AKA "That Feels Better")

Example: Lara sipped her black coffee, staring at the pottery wheel in front of her. Five years after her mother’s accident, the spinning was still the only thing that calmed her nerves. She pushed thoughts of her marketing job aside and went over to the wheel. This was where she belonged—her real passion, hidden away from the chaos of city life. Lara sat down on the wooden chair. One of the legs was broken and a nail was missing, but she couldn't care less now as she slowly let the clay take shape under her hands.

Now we’re showing her love for pottery, hints of her backstory, and her character—all without dumping everything in one go.

And there you have it! Now go out there and write your amazing, epic, flawless first chapter. And remember, no one’s perfect—except that one writer who’s probably over-caffeinated and crying in the corner. Reblog if that's you.

Oh, I almost forgot... I noticed a lot of people suffer with writing their first chapter (I myself deleted and re-wrote my first chapter 16 times before finishing my first novel) So, if anyone has questions, don't hesitate to ask and I'll try to give you as much help. And if you want me to revise and edit your first chapter, you can find me here.

[torialefay]

I'll change the conversation a little if you don't mind?

What do you think of mama's boys? I think some skz members are

i want to preface this by saying that these are just MY opinions. i love women & i love being a woman, but a lot of the time, "mama's boys" are 100% created to be like that by their mothers themselves.

okay "mama's boys," let's do this:

1) think there is a HEALTHY LEVEL to which a guy can be a "mama's boy"... sort of. the problem is, i'd argue the vast majority aren't in this category 😭 there are some really fucking rad moms out there who are just super fun & close to their kids, OR maybe they have a son who was always just not really into the "typical masc" things or didn't get along with their father, OR maybe the son didn't have a dad in his life so he was close to his mom. in any regard, none of these are inherently bad things. as long as he was raised by a mother who was NORMAL, i think it could actually be a benefit and he could possibly come to understand women a lot better. a lotttttt of the time though, that mama is NOT normal 😭

2) the majority of mama's boys i've met have been made that way by their mothers. it's usually been from moms who were either overprotective and/or emotionally unsupported at home. i think some of it stems from women not always feeling loved or wanted by their male partner, so in turn, they try and "invest" more into their son, show him a lot of love, so that he won't turn out the same way. they think that if they teach their son to have this personal connection with them & give them unconditional love, then they'll be a good man in the future and know how to value a woman... at least, that's what their brain tells them. it can start with good intentions, but over time, i think a lot of these moms end up depending on their sons for emotional support & love. kind of seeing them as a "project" that they've created, that they now can't let go of. they start to see them as perfect & like they're really too good to move on from them... so when these mama's boys DO grow up, it's really fucking hard for them to see this person that they've basically "trained up" to be the perfect partner leave and go find someone for themself.... leaving them along again.

it's honestly so fucked up for the mom to feel that way, but now the son has that psychological shit going on too. he's been babied and mothered and shown unconditional love his entire life. in his eyes, he probably doesn't think he can do any wrong. and now he ALSO probably expects anyone he's with going forward to behave just like his mother. and if you don't... well he's probably not gonna be with you. or if he does, he'll have his mom in his ear the entire time telling him you aren't the one. i swear in these relationships, the only time the mom is EVER happy is when her son chooses someone who looks like her, acts like her, and lets her be 100% involved in their lives. and the whole time, in this guys head, this is all completely normal.

do i get "the ick" from the vasssssttt majority of mama's boys? yes. but do i also kinda feel bad for them sometimes because a lot of them have simply been groomed this way for their entire lives? also yes.

as horrible as it sounds, i just don't really see a way to have a good relationship with an extreme mama's boy if he doesn't recognize that she's problematic. if he's putting you first & fighting for you every time, then sure, whatever & you can work on it. but if he's taking her side all the time? well then, he's made his pick. and that's sad and no one deserves to have to go through that. no one will ever live up to the stabdards his mother has set.

that's some hardcore stockholm syndrome shit right there let me tell you.

so nowwwww, i NEED to know who you think could be a mama's boy in skz?!?! i'm so curious 🤭

[tobiasdrake]

That was sweet. Now back to the much more dismal present.

We're back to the burning question: Stabilized homunculus who's cracked the secret of curing ferals? Ghost coming to comfort Yakou in his low comprehension? Or the hallucination of a memory Yakou will never let go of?

That's a heartening thing to say. Did you crack the secret of stabilizing the defective homunculi?

There is a cure. We're probably going to use up the entire sample on Yakou as a bittersweet moment, like her greatest research was to give him a second chance at life.

But even if that's the case, the fact that she managed to do it means it can be done. Much like Real Yuma's ramen shop, it shows the value of crowdsourcing the homunculi's problems outside of just Makoto.

If stabilizing homunculi is possible, then even if Yakou uses the entire sample, it means someone else might crack this code again. It's proof-of-concept that the code can be cracked.

I am so happy right now. We can cure Yakou. We can cure the Theater Girls. We can cure Shachi. And the Priest. We can shove Huesca in a pit. We can cure Tetra's dad!

I mean, after it's reinvented, of course. I'm sure there's only going to be enough in that thing for Yakou.

Yep. One pill. Which is just kicking the can down the road; Yakou will be fine until his next death and then he's right back in this situation.

But it's proof of concept. First thing he should do as soon as he regains his mental faculties is go straight to Makoto and tell him it can be done. We need to restart homunculus research, and pore over his wife's notes extensively. Maybe take samples of Yakou's blood for testing.

T_T This is such a sweet conclusion, both for Yakou's journey and for the story as a whole.

And there she goes confusing me again. I do not know what you mean by that. Is she saying to go dig up her corpse if he can't un-feral?

It's not like he can die and join her in the afterlife. She's already got a Yakou with her in the afterlife. This one's trapped here forever.

All the same, this is such a great ending. Emotionally powerful and satisfyingly interesting all at once.

"Hard man seeks revenge because his woman was fridged" is a character archetype I generally loathe. But it works so well for Yakou. Partly because it's not what solely defines his character; There are plenty of other facets to him as well. Like most of Kodaka's characters, he's a complicated guy.

But also because of the leg-work that this DLC did to make his wife out as more than just a nice lady who died so we can be mad about it. I've seen more than a few attempts at trying to convince the audience to be emotionally invested in the dead spouse but this is the first one that's ever worked for me.

I think it's because most of the time, the dead wife winds up characterized like this saintly figure who was perfect and demure and wifely in all the "right ways", such that she never feels like her own character and comes off more like the emotional crowbar that she is. But Kodaka sat down at his computer and just hammered out a concise tale about two people who enjoy each other's company and find they have some shared interests.

With characters like these, it often winds up feeling like they were just spinning their wheels living Insert Idyllic Life and waiting for the story to start. Things won't get interesting until she dies. Sorry, but her life is the price of admission for this cool story, I guess.

But with Yakou and his wife, it's like. No. No, this was the story. A whirlwind romance besieged by assassins and gene research, that was the story of their life. The Yakou we meet when we step off that train is a broken man because, for him, the story catastrophically ended. For him, there is nothing left to tell.

...if only she had a fucking name. Come on, Kodaka! Really!? I'm shilling this love story you wrote so hard and it's between Yakou and... Amaterasu Researcher. God fucking dammit, even when you're on the ball, I want to shake you violently for the choices you make.

[hypergamiss]

Why does it seem like other women are able to find men who like them so easily? Pretty much every woman around me has a replacement the next month right after a breakup. They have relationships back to back to back. Meanwhile I've never been in a real relationship. It's starting to effect my self esteem. It seems like it's so easy for other women except for me. Everyone always says "you need to lOvE yOuRsElF first and then a relationship will come". Well that advice just makes me feel worse because it indirectly implies that all the other girls who are in relationships are perfect and completely in love with themselves, which is why companionship is so easy for them to find. Imperfect women, who clearly don't love themselves find mates all the time. I've seen so many "he saved me and changed my life for the better" stories from people in seemingly great relationships.

The whole love yourself advice is double edged because I have no idea what it means. I live a life that clearly suggests that I value myself, yet nothing is happening for me. I invest in myself all the time. I also have no problem being by myself. When I bring this topic up to other women, they suggest that my desire for wanting a companion is because I don't enjoy my own company and that needs to be fixed first. But that's not it at all. I'm very introverted and love hanging out by myself...now I just want someone to share my experiences with. I'm 25 and I'm ready to experience romance. It's completely natural and human to desire a companion. We are social beings after all.

"Why does it seem like other women are able to find men who like them so easily? Pretty much every woman around me has a replacement the next month right after a breakup."

On average, women will always have more options than men. While us women do have multiple men simultaneously pursue us, it doesn't mean they are all worth our time. We have to sift through the options because entertaining everything that comes your way isn't something to be proud of or productive at all.

"They have relationships back to back to back. Meanwhile I've never been in a real relationship."

Having relationships back to back isn't healthy at all. Dating back to back would be more normal since it's about getting to know different people, but constantly rotating through relationships probably means that they need to do a lot of inner work because they are not capable of forming real and intimate/emotional connections with other people. This more than likely means that they leave every relationship as soon as the infatuation and honey moon phase fades away. This is pretty toxic if you really think about it.

"Meanwhile I've never been in a real relationship. It's starting to effect my self esteem. It seems like it's so easy for other women except for me."

There is nothing wrong with choosing yourself over being in a situation that isn't right for you, you're doing great. Is this effecting your self esteem because you are comparing yourself to other people or because you feel like you need some validation in your life?

"Everyone always says "you need to lOvE yOuRsElF first and then a relationship will come".

Personally, I constantly preach this because it is so common for women to completely let down their standards and find themselves being treated very poorly for the sake of just being in a relationship when they can do so much better. If this advice doesn't apply to you, you always have the option to ignore it.

"Imperfect women, who clearly don't love themselves find mates all the time. I've seen so many "he saved me and changed my life for the better" stories from people in seemingly great relationships."

You can't believe everything you hear and see off the bat. Yes, on a rare occasion there will be emotionally stable and healthy men who have the ability to help their partners heal and become confident. But more often than not, people post things without including what happens behind closed doors. They'll tell the world "he saved me and changed my life for the better" while probably being extremely codependent and anxious and not working through these issues (as an example) and then the world gets shocked when they announce their break up.

"I live a life that clearly suggests that I value myself, yet nothing is happening for me."

I would say that this advice doesn't apply to you, only to the women who still have work to do internally. I mean I hear it all the time as a single woman, not once do I internalize it and take it personal. I have learned to love myself a long time ago.

"When I bring this topic up to other women, they suggest that my desire for wanting a companion is because I don't enjoy my own company and that needs to be fixed first."

I really don't think that there is anything needing to be "fixed." I think that you are going about your life in a very healthy and normal way. The women who you are speaking to seem to be in a different path in life and they don't know what else to tell you. I think it's perfectly normal to want companionship as a BONUS to your life. It's only an issue when someone is seeking companionship to fully depend on it for them to be happy. Your thoughts are perfectly normal.

"now I just want someone to share my experiences with. I'm 25 and I'm ready to experience romance."

Then have fun and experiment(on your terms)! Put yourself out there and learn how to dress, flirt, network, signal, etc....

[taylortruther]

The communication could have changed over time as well. There's something called "walkaway wife syndrome" where people say that women in long term relationships who have been fighting for a long time to see change in their partners will eventually "go limp" for lack of a better term, and their partner might even think it means things are better because they're no longer fighting/their partner is no longer "nagging" them, etc. But in reality the woman has just stopped investing her emotional energy into the relationship because she's exhausted it and the only reason she hasn't left is she's getting her affairs in order (emotionally, financially, whatever), so when she does leave the guy will be absolutely shocked and say there were no signs. You see it all the time in AITA posts where the male partner says he has no idea why his wife left him but then he'll admit that he ignored her asking him to change things for years and years until one day she just gave up and stopped engaging with him in any significant way and then a few months later she's gone.

agreed. we have to assume they were on the same page earlier - it'd be hard for their relationship to last so long if they weren't both putting in effort. plus, taylor holds him in such high esteem, it's painful to imagine that never being true. but as people drift apart, become more selfish, don't get their needs met, you definitely see communication failing.

this is also similar to the "tolerable level of unhappiness" - where a partner might know their partner is unhappy, but that they were willing to live with it. then, shocker!!! she leaves.

this mentality (of going limp/passive, and ignoring it) is not gendered, but it's so common with men and women, because historically, women have had to do all the emotional and unseen labor in their relationships. as a result, they get burnt out, because they never received sufficient emotional support in return.

woops i went off into the weeds here lmao