#that weird guy who lives in our basement

[itz-pandora]

Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

[mx-heinous]

Getting Lost in the Batcave

Goon 1: Do you even know where you're going?!

Goon 2: Can it! I'm trying!

Goon 1: Where even are we?!

Goon 2: This place looks kinda weird. Wait, look at all this stuff, and are those bats? Hold on a sec, is this Batman's hideout?!

Goon 1: I can't believe it! The boss is gonna be so thrilled.

Goon 2: Yeah, I know ri– Mr. Wayne???

Bruce: Hey, guys!!! :D

Goon 1: Uhhh, sir, what are you doing here?

Bruce: What do you mean? This is my basement. Here, go have some finger sandwiches! :D

Goon 2: Your basement? But what are those screens for?

Bruce: It's a bit of a secret, but I'm getting into gaming! Pretty fun

Goon 1: The Batmobile?

Bruce: Just a replica made for my collection. Having the real Batmobile would be so cool, though. Look at all the neat stuff I found around town from Batman's adventures!

Goon 1 and Goon 2 are thinking this is a little weird. Then, they remember that this guy also has a Gray Ghost memorabilia museum, and yeah, no, this tracks.

Goon 1: Ohhh, so sorry for the intrusion, Mr. Wayne. We got a little lost trying to find our way out.

Bruce: No problem, boys. Exit's on the left of that really tall spike. Toodles!

*On their way out*

Goon 2: Huh, who knew Mr. Wayne would be such a Batman fan?

Goon 1: Yeah, I don't know what we were thinking. There's no way Batman would actually live in a literal batcave. That's just too basic! Even for him

[growling]

*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic

[deepcollectionredbird]

Sleepovers at Mack’s house have only gotten more exciting since I accidentally got him pregnant. Just to clear things up, he and I have been best friends our entire lives… and, a few months ago, we went through this experimental phase. You know how it is for guys our age. We tried a few things out, touched each other for a while, realized we didn’t like each other that way… and, at some point during that brief chapter of our friendship, I accidentally knocked him up. Now his folks are upset at him, and think the baby belongs to his ex. Yadda yadda yadda.

Like I was saying though… sleepovers at Mack’s house are one heck of a time now, especially since his parents aren’t suspicious of me. We can do whatever we want, and they don’t think anything of it, just like it’s always been. Whenever I’m at his place, it’s like my hands get stuck to his belly. I can’t keep myself off of that thing. When I walk through the front door and meet him in the kitchen, that’s the first place they go… and then, they’re glued. I turn into a huge mush-fest, cooing and kissing at it, like I only understand baby talk. It doesn’t matter who’s around, either. His parents think it’s the sweetest thing when they see me rubbing his belly. His mom and dad still see me as that snot-nosed little boy their some met in pre-k… and, as far as they know, I’m just being a supportive friend.

When we go down to the basement — where all of Mack’s stuff is — all I do is lay with him in bed and play with his belly, which is way more fun than it sounds. Like, I’ll spend hours just resting my head on it while he eats snacks and plays video games, feeling the baby kick, talking to the little thing, and listening to his stomach gurgle. I lick Mack’s belly button all the time too… just flick my tongue in there, until it starts to cramp. It’s just something weird that I do, to get a reaction out of him and the baby. It’s so fascinating, knowing that there’s a tiny human in there, and feeling it move around — even more so, with it being my kid. Honestly, I still don’t think I fully grasp the whole situation. It doesn’t feel… real… yet.

He and I talk about this whole pregnancy thing like it’s nothing. I’ll ask him how he’s feeling, and when I should come by to take him to his next appointment, and he never treats me like I’m just his baby-daddy. Our friendship hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still cool with me, and I’m the same old idiot that I’ve always been. All night long, he’ll go on and on about how weird his pregnancy is, how his parents are total assholes whenever I’m not around, how gross he feels in his own skin, or how his body is working against him. Recently, he told me that when he farts, he pees a little bit too. It’s honestly really funny, now that I think about it. Every time I hear him fart, or smell one of his silent killers, that means that he’s just pissed himself too. Even funnier, his farts are way worse now. They reek like hell.

I look forward to going to Mack’s place after school every night. It’s so nice that we can still have a good time with one another, laugh like two lunatics, and be ourselves… even in our current situation. In our hearts, we’re still those two little dickheads in the back of the class, goofing off and having a good time. Honestly, if things could just stay like this until he gives birth, I’d get him pregnant a million times.

[h50europe]

8.06 post mortem - Buck/Tommy - General - 9-1-1 Zombified

Many of us wondered why a cut emergency case from episode 7.04 was used. A novelty and if you look closely, you'll notice that the characters appeared very different from how they did in the rest of season 8, and the scenes felt erratic. This inconsistency is reminiscent of the writing from Andrew Meyers, who also wrote episode 7.04. However, in that episode, he had a co-writer who was clearly more talented. Episode 8.06 was poorly written compared to 7.04. Alone the scene in the beginning. Buck could have pointed out that this chick was interrupting the date he had with his boyfriend. Tommy then mentioned the Kinsey scale

Our walking encyclopedia had no idea what his boyfriend was talking about. Seriously? Also, Buck doesn't want to buy a present for their 6-month anniversary, and Tommy gives him 2 Lakers baseball cards and awkwardly mentions that Buck could go with Eddie? Is this dinner supposed to be romantic? Well, they could have gone to McDonalds. Meyers should have consulted his co-writer at this point; we're heading straight for disaster. Then Tim had this wonderful idea with Abby and thought it was hilarious. The guy's humour isn't just weird, it's kind of crude. Abby never mentioned that she went out with another guy from the 118. Isn't that weird? No one ever knew about it? Not Hen, not Chim? For two years? Did Tommy keep her locked in his basement? This plot is so poorly constructed that it's cringe-worthy at best. And that's when Himbo's jaw hit the floor… along with the audience.

The only good scene was Josh's GLEE speech. And I may be reading between the lines, but I felt that the way Josh talked about post and past GLEE and how Buck can't blame Tommy for his actions because times were different was a wink and a nod to the haters. I really had the impression that this was a cunning move to address why Tommy was who he was back then and why he has changed now.

But seconds later I nearly choked on my drink, and I can tell you it's orgasmic when a sip of Pepsi comes out of your nose, when Maddie said, "She wondered how many men Abby had turned gay." Because I was chatting to a friend before I watched the episode and I almost said the same thing. I live in Europe, so I watched it the next day, knowing what was coming, but nothing about that particular scene. Which, frankly, was terrible.

Forgive me for ignoring the emergencies in this episode. They were repetitive, to say the least, just with different protagonists.

So far we have a recycled episode, a recycled ex, a recycled emergency and a recycled scenario, Maddy is pregnant (hooray). It begins to reek of decay.

Brownie points to those who aren't already traumatised or bored to death. Now for the highlight: Tommy shows up at Buck's apartment in a great mood. He is looking forward to a date with his friend and hot sex as the icing on the cake (that's what I had in mind). Tommy gets suspicious when Buck asks him to sit down. It doesn't take long before he pulls out his phone and shows his friend photos of Abby and a younger Buck. This is followed by an awkward explanation of why he didn't share the news in the restaurant, and Tommy's reaction is a little awkward too. But this is only the overture to the worst retconning I have seen on television in a long time. The coincidence is swept under the carpet in the blink of an eye, and now it gets creepy.

Compare the scene in the coffee shop with this one. It has the same structure, bit by bit. Buck invites Tommy to the wedding in the coffee shop, and Tommy says, "What?" Here it is: "I want you to move in with me." We have a mashup of the first kiss and the coffee shop scene, and Oliver plays it similarly. The worst part is when Tommy turns into his zombie version. Excellently played by Lou. No doubt about it. He gave it his all. He maimed that shitty script, which felt like Meyers had raided AO3, picked the worst written fics and went for the most cringe-worthy insult he could find for a bisexual. "I was your first, but I won't be your last." Hello? This topic only comes to Tommy's mind after he is asked to move in together? I was expecting "I can't move in with you because I wouldn't know where to put my car lift and Muay Thai studio". No, it's because all the trust and love Tommy put in Buck is wiped out by the retconning of Tommy's personality. He succumbs to total chaos. This is not the Tommy we met in S7 and certainly not the one we met in 8.05. Fuck me! It didn't make sense. We would have needed a lot more background information ON SCREEN to make it believable. A scene from Tommy's past. Who hurt him so badly? It wasn't Abby. She only managed to traumatise Buck. Was it after he met Abby? Was it another guy?

Hello writers, are you still in your right mind? We have no clues. Neither the loyal fans and certainly not the new ones. You're reducing a character to a sad laughing stock. You rob him of all his merits, which you had Buck recite like a poem in school. And then you expect us to believe it? You steamroll over everything that's been painstakingly built up to this episode? It's actually convenient, I let the whole relationship run off screen. We don't see any flying lessons together, no training together, no cosy get-togethers in front of the TV, no exchange of affection, nothing. It's all headcanon. Guys, I've seen shows and movies where a sequence like this lasted five minutes and you knew where the couple stood. Maybe a flashback or two into Tommy's past would have helped. But no, instead the audience had to put up with the same old nonsense. A ridiculous story about an urn, a guy who sneezes and his intestines fall out, a kid who doesn't fall down a drain but slips down a pipe. They give us nothing, but we're supposed to believe everything, retconning is so great. If any of us wrote fanfiction like that, we'd be banned from AO3. And as if that wasn't enough, Tommy stands up and says, "Believe me, I didn't see this coming either. Tell me, were you on drugs when you were writing? There are a thousand ways to respond sensibly to "Let's move in together" without turning it into such a dumpster fire. The crowning glory of all this madness is when Tommy says "I'll see you around Buck" instead of Evan (the same words he said to Evan when he left him standing outside the restaurant on their first date). Where did that come from? It's as if Tommy had lost all respect for his lover, or as if he wanted to punch him in the face while he was already on the ground. We, the viewers, also had this feeling. And Tommy's behaviour was completely disturbed. I wonder if he checked himself into a mental facility right after that.

I won't say anything about the rest of the episode because I'm a polite person.

Conclusion: Please take the pen away from this lunatic and never let him write anything again or give him a co-writer like in 7.04. The guy is totally unhinged.

Extra brownies, you made it!

[devilst0at]

yes!! more soft dale headcanons!! i like to indulge in him being intimidating sometimes but i also just want to hold him

ask and you shall receive, dear anon :)

as i’ve established in my last dale headcanons post, i really truly feel that he just needs love… oz perkins himself has said/suggested that dale is sad and feels like an outcast and is self conscious about who he is and other people’s reactions to him. nobody really responds positively to dale in his everyday life. he probably severely lacks any positive interactions or kindness from others in his day to day, and probably feels so lonely and sad all the time, so i think if someday someone just genuinely wanted to be around him and talk to him he wouldn’t even know what to do with himself.

i like to imagine our first interaction as running into him somewhere, maybe a craft/hardware store or small grocery store/gas station, and maybe that day he decides to actually wear his nice clothes like with his little pink vest and jacket instead of just some pajamas and slippers. usually people think he’s kinda creepy and weird and just ignore him, partially rightfully so because he is kinda strange, but personally i’d just be enamored by him. like as soon as i spotted him i’d be staring and drooling (even if he was just wearing pajamas). especially if i was working there (i’ve worked my fair share of retail/service jobs so i could def see it happening) and he came up to the counter i’d be immediately looking him up and down and just smiling at him like a fucking lovestruck idiot even though this guy is like 40 years older than me. maybe he’d try to do/say something weird cause it’s what he’s used to so he just kinda accepts it and even purposefully tries to creep people out, but oh that’s not happening with me.

whatever he says/does at that counter i’m giggling and smiling at him and saying he’s funny and asking his name and if he lives around here. for a second i think he’d just be silent and dumbfounded, his expression going eerily blank because that kind of reaction is so foreign to him. but after a second he might snap out of it and realize i’m actually being genuine and maybe even smile and breathily laugh a bit with his adorable little smile and even give me his name, and then suddenly i’m talking to him and there’s nobody else behind him at the counter and in his mind he’s just so dumbfounded that this person is being nice to him. i’ve already rung up his stuff but i’m still talking to him and smiling sheepishly and blushing and he’s slouching and fidgeting his hands on the counter trying to act as normal as possible (difficult for dale but i find it endearing).

maybe i even have the balls to say he’s pretty, in which case i think his brain would just full on short-circuit. like he’s stopping for a second with his mouth open and blinking and stuttering as i giggle and he’s just genuinely so confused why i would say that. if i get as far as to ask for his phone number (if he would have a phone, i mean there were cell phones in the 90s and he also could have his own house phone or something) or ask to see him after work he’s just nodding silently like an idiot and then going back into his car and sitting there with his hands on the wheel and a blank face for a good few minutes to wonder if that actually just happened.

if he actually let you go on a few dates with him and start hanging out with him regularly (people stare at you when you go out probably because you’re hanging out with this weird ass guy but you don’t give a fuck because you think he’s just gorgeous and perfect) he’s just so not used to being swooned and blushed over but you’re doing it constantly. if you somehow manage to go hang out with him in his basement and compliment his decor, ask him about the guitar, be amazed by his dolls/craft stuff and want to sit on his bed and look through his records or something he’s just so fucking dazed and stoked. he’s smiling and giggling and getting a little too close to you and maybe even acting kinda hesitant because he’s not. used to hanging out with someone. shift the focus from his cool stuff to just smile at him with adoration and run a hand up his arm, he’s freezing and clenching his hands and letting out a shaky breath cause oh my god you’re touching him. tell him he’s so pretty and that you really like him and ask if he’ll be your boyfriend or whatever and he’s probably gonna ask you why you would even want that, like he’s genuinely confused but flustered and blushing and trying not to breathe too heavily.

but once you manage to explain to him and get it through his skull that you actually like him, a lot, i think all that starved need for affection is gonna spill its way out whether he can help it or not, and all of a sudden he’s just a mess, smiling and whining and shaky sighing and reaching for you and trying to get in your space and hear how much you like him as much as possible. and maybe even trying to hold back tears and getting into that weepy tone of voice he gets into and squirming or rocking he’s so worked up. he wants to hear every thing you have to say and get reactions out of you and get real close to you and touch you anywhere, it’s been so long since he’s touched someone affectionately that he’s just gonna run his hands up your arms and neck and face and stomach just savoring the feeling and staring at you (maybe sorta creepily but if you’re anything like me you love it and think its cute), maybe just hold your face and smile at you and instead of pulling back with disgust or fear, you smile back with adoration and lean in. that in itself might make him cry, he’s just this weepy mess for you.

another thing i think about regularly is cuddling with him and listening to his voice real up close and just being so comforted and even lulled to sleep. i fucking love his more gentle tone of voice, specifically the way he speaks in the “i know you’re not afraid of a little bit of dark, because you are the dark” line, like if he talked to me like that while i laid my head on his chest and stroked my hair i would go ABSOLUTELY FERAL, not only would i be severely turned on but i’d just melt and swoon and my heart would be going so fast but i’d be so happy and relaxed at the same time. another great example is the part where he tells lee about him/ruth’s reaction to her going into the fbi, he’s so gentle and normal there i neeeeed to just listen to him talk sweetly to me god. in that scenario i might not even be able to resist lifting my head up and putting my hands in his hair and kissing him, and i think he’d be so happy to be kissed that he’d be gripping your clothes kinda forcefully and holding you really tightly as if he’s trying to trap you but it’s just because it’s so nice and he just wants to be close to you.

in conclusion dale kobble is a big weepy needy mess for affection and i will die on this hill

[jarofstyles]

Reaper 10

Reaper is a dark story with dark and mature subject matter. 18+ NSFW

A shorter but very important update. Finally heading closer to the meat of the story hehe

Check out our Patreon for exclusive writing and early access! 

wc: 6.6k

warnings: violence, rage, reaper on the edge of it all

-------------------------------

“Good fuckin’ riddance.” Harry spit onto the body, life slowly draining from his veins as he bled out on the floor. “Piece of shit.” 

Since the guy thought it was ok to sell people, to own and control their lives, Harry thought it was fitting that he had no control over what happened to him in the end. Cutting off each finger and toe, beating him, a few levels of torture. It wouldn’t make up for the lives he had stolen, the innocents that he had killed in the process, but it was some sort of revenge.

“Clean this shit up.” He barked at one of his brothers, giving another disgusted glance at the soon to be corpse before stalking out the door. His hands were bloody and bruised but he felt a tiny hint of relief. Getting rid of scum always did feel good in a weird way. One less person who would harm people who didn’t deserve it off of the earth. He liked to think of himself as an exterminator of sorts. 

“Where’s Bunny?” He grunted as he kicked the basement door shut, seeing Viper at the bar playing cards with Wiz. Cigarettes hung from their mouths as they turned to look at him. 

“Kitchen. May want to wash the blood off your hands before you see her. Look like a horror villain.”

Harry was too far gone just fresh off a kill, any consideration he had for his look at the minute was non existent. All he knew was he needed to see his Bunny if he wanted to get out of this headspace anytime soon. 

The past week and a half had been busy to say the least. With no signs of the stalker, he and his brothers buckled down on finding the last of the scum involved in Mia’s case. It took lots of convincing, but Bunny was safe and protected by his brothers. They were all afraid of what would happen to them had she not come home in one piece. 

The Reaper had been all the more violent and impulsive ever since the stalker appeared. His brothers had all noticed. Viper’s solution was to keep him on killing duty, hoping it would take the edge off like it usually did. It seemed that his feelings for Bunny went much deeper than any of them could imagine. 

Harry pushed open the door to the kitchen with his elbow, immediately feeling his muscles relax at the sight of his girl. 

“Okay so, we just want to make sure we gently tap them— so when they lift in the oven they have that little foot.” Bunny was teaching Mia how to make macaroons. Strawberry and cream ones.

His back relaxed slightly when he heard her soft spoken instructions, his body tuning into her voice. He didn’t say anything yet, going to the sink as he felt her eyes on him. 

She didn’t deserve bloody hands on her. She needed clean and soft hands with tender touches right now. His exhale was slow, trying to shift himself out of the rage induced fog. 

There was a reason people called him the Reaper. It wasn’t unknown. He turned off. He turned into someone else when he was there. The red brain space. He turned off a lot of his emotions besides the ones needed to get him through, the ones usually consisting of anger, rage, bitterness, aggression.

Shaking the water off his hands, he grabbed a paper towel and began to wipe his hands free of water, the jerky movements alerting Y/N to his mood. 

“One second, Mia.” She said quietly, patting her back. Mia knew how the score went, nodding as she turned to mind her business. She knew better than to get involved with Reaper’s business. Everyone should.

Approaching with caution, Bunny placed her hand on his lower back first not wanting to startle him in this state. It always seemed off, his energy changed completely and radiated off of him like a thunder cloud looming over his head. 

“Hi Baby,” She turned on her charm, resting her head against his back a little bit to ground him. It was better for her not to look at the blood that was being washed off into the sink, it was hard not to notice the smell though.  

“Mia and I are making macaroons, we already made a batch if you wanna taste one, I can bring it to you.” She wanted to go along with things as normal, try and remind him of how things were when he wasn’t in this headspace. 

“Or if you want we can go to our room and snuggle.”

She was always gentle with him in this headspace. It was a little scary at first but Harry wouldn’t hurt her. That was something she knew without a shadow of a doubt. Especially when she felt him relax a little bit with her hand rubbing over his back. 

Her eyes looked over his shirt and noticed it was fairly clean, except for a few specks of blood on the hem. It was a weird feeling, to think that the man who was so damn tender with her had just moments ago, been violently ending a life. And that his first instinct was to go back to her. 

“Room.” He grumbled, turning around once he was sure his hands were clean and taking her face into his palms. Y/N felt the damp, cool fingers on her skin and gave him a pretty smile, searching his eyes. 

They were dark. Different. It always seemed to happen like this. 3 times this past week and some days, he has sought her out after she pretended to not know what he was doing and found her doing something mundane, peeling her away from the friends she had made here to keep her close and breathe in her scent. 

He ignored Mia’s presence, leaning down to capture her lips in a hard kiss. He wasn’t shy about it, turning her around and tucking her into the corner of the room while he kissed her roughly. Fully. Bunny knew he wasn’t fully out of the weird, almost animalistic face and she was ok with that. She just wanted him to calm down eventually, and she enjoyed that she was the person that had that power. 

He pulled back and kissed her again, sliding his hands under her shirt and caressed the hot skin of her lower back. It was grounding to him, feeling her smooth flesh and the softness of her curves, the sweetness of her mouth and taste testing prior batches. She smelled like the baked good and hints of her shampoo. He wanted to bathe in it. “M’so angry.” He admitted against her lips. “Want to fucking…” He huffed, resting his head against hers. “I don’t regret it, Bunny. I’ll keep killing those fuckers. I’m going to keep doing it and I’m going to keep coming back upstairs to wash my hands and find you after.”

He warned her. “I should terrify you.”

“You don’t.” She wasn’t lying. He didn’t scare her, maybe a little, but only because she could tell it wasn’t him. Was it dangerous for her to believe that she was the only one to get him to calm down? Would her luck run out one day? It was something she tried not to think about too much. She preferred to believe him and their feelings for one another. 

“It’s just what you do… I understand, you aren’t like that with me. Why would I be afraid?” She asked the question that was never really meant to be answered. Instead she moved to press another kiss to his lips, her hands wrapping around his wrists to hold them comfortably. 

“Come on, let’s go. We can watch a documentary about sea lions.” After their little trip to Vegas they’d been watching a lot of animal planet. Something about the animals also calmed him down. 

“Let me just tell Mia.” She would have to fend for herself with the macaroons. She only had to let them bake off and cool off now. The filling was the easy part.

Harry leaned against the doorway as he watched her go to inform Mia when he heard his name being called from the front room. It was Kid, he knew, but he wasn’t sure what the fuck he wanted. 

“What?” He snapped, stalking through the kitchen with irritation obvious on his face until he saw the red envelope he held in his hand. “What the fuck is that?” 

Though in his stomach, he had a sick feeling. He already knew. 

“It’s addressed to you.” He said quietly. “To Reaper. It was stuck in the gate, someone shoved it up between the bars. I saw it on my way in.” The envelope was snatched over quickly, Harry’s anger boiled again heavily in his stomach. 

What the actual fuck?

“Funny, you think you can keep her hidden from me. I see her everyday.”

Harry was just about to snap when he noticed the back of the note felt a lot like a photograph. To his own horror, there were photos of her in the parking lot on a few desperate occasions this week. His Bunny, oblivious and stunning as ever, on her way back to this place this fucker has now made his way to. 

Any ounce of solace he’d found in Y/N’s touch a few moments ago had drained from his body, replaced by a new, much more sinister rage.  Without much thought, Harry slammed his fist against the nearest flat surface which just so happened to be the kitchen door. 

Kid took a step back immediately, trying not to flinch at the flying pieces of wood now scattered across the floor. 

The room went silent, nothing but Harry’s heavy breathing and the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. 

“That’s it!” Reaper was here in full force, not even noticing the blood gushing from his knuckles. “I’m going to butcher this rat. I swear to fuck no one better stop me, I will end his entire blood line so help me god.” His breathing was heavy, teeth grinding against one another. 

Bunny stood speechless, not really sure what to do in this situation. She wasn’t even sure what he was yelling about until she noticed the envelope. 

He’d found them?

“Reaper.” Viper barked as he watched Harry go towards the door. “He isn’t out there. He wouldn’t be. Don’t go shooting into the road.” He had watched as Harry took the gun from his back holster and held it in his hand, the rage shaking through him. 

This place wasn’t easy to find. But obviously, whoever the creep was, didn’t just fuck around. It was making Harry angry. Yes- it had been their idea to poke the bull, but it only made him more upset now knowing the lengths he would go. The disregard he had for his life meant that was the same for his thoughts on Bunny’s- he didn’t care. He was insane.

If he had any clue what Harry belonged to, what his name meant, the rumors and whispers, he would know better. Obviously he lacked sanity for the fact he was stalking someone to begin with but after all the warnings, after all the attempted scare offs… he was still at it. 

“He’s watching her. He’s at her school. He’s insane.” He shook his hand in the air, the gun waving around. The safety was on- Bunny was in the room. “I’m going to lose it.”

“I know, brother. I know.” 

“No! None of you caught someone taking photos?” He hissed, looking around the room as he raised the weapon. “None of you saw a fucking camera?”

“Obviously not. Put down the gun.” Viper ordered. “Your girl is in the room. Put it down.” He said it lowly, the twitch in his hand and the reminder making him listen. 

“I’m taking her away from here for a while. We’re fucking leaving. Make sure someone is at her mom’s place. Nowhere is fucking safe around here.” He hissed, turning to Bunny. “Go get your stuff. We’re going somewhere away from here. Wiz- get us on a fucking plane and someone go get me fakes to get out of here. I just-” He ran his bloodied hand through his hair, not even feeling the pain with the anger that made him burn. “How the fuck did he find us here? There’s a gate inside a gate.”

Bunny took this time to approach him once again, setting her hand on his back as she always did and tried her best to stay calm. She needed to be calm for him. All she wanted was for him to come with her, but it seemed like Viper wasn’t going to let that happen. 

“Let me clean up your hand and I’ll go pack.” She spoke in a gentle and level tone, reaching for his bloodied hand without hesitation. It hurt her to see him like this, so angry and distraught because he couldn’t do anything about it. He was trying his hardest, she could see it. She wished she was able to help more. 

Viper looked at her in warning, obviously worried about her safety. He didn’t know how they were in private, she felt like he had no right to command her. She knew what she was getting herself into. Bunny looked from Harry’s hand to Viper with a small pout, hoping he would let her do this. 

“Follow me.” Viper let out a sigh, leading Bunny towards their in house infirmary. She made sure to keep an eye on Harry, rubbing his skin to soothe him the best that she could. He was still heaving, she could see the cogs turning in his head.

He was like a live wire. 

Bunny watched his face carefully, not afraid of him but afraid of what he may do. It felt like the last few days he had been like a dog pacing in its cage, but this was a whole other level.

His jaw was clenched and his breathing was heavy, but his face had turned stone cold. His eyes? They were dark. Hot. Livid. She was treading with caution. 

He was on another planet right now. He was in protector and killer mode at the same time and it was killing him. Reaper wasn’t one to run away from conflict in any capacity. Harry, however? He just wanted to keep Bunny safe. That was his goal, always. Her safety. 

“You okay to be alone?” Viper asked Bunny. He didn’t want to offend Reaper but he also took her safety seriously.

“Yes, I’m okay. He won’t hurt me.” Bunny repeated once again, knowing it would only be worse if they were to separate the two of them. If they wanted Harry to calm down in any capacity, removing her was the worst they could do. 

Viper eyed the two of them for a moment, facing an internal battle. He couldn’t live with himself if he let Reaper hurt her, but for some reason, he trusted her. 

“I’m going to help Wiz sort out your trip. When you’re done here just meet me in my office.” Viper spoke calmly, giving her a look as if to say ‘be careful’. The metal door made a quiet crashing sound as he left, leaving the two of them alone. 

The bright overhead lighting of the infirmary wasn't creating the most soothing atmosphere, but Bunny tried her best to be the softness Harry needed as she guided him to sit on the bed. 

Her hands delicately pushed his hair away from his face and behind his ears, watching his snarling expression carefully. 

“Can I get the first aid kit?” Her words were gentle, not wanting to leave her stop from between his legs if he wasn’t ready. She knew her body was something that kept him grounded and she didn’t want to irritate him.

He simply nodded. 

It felt better in the quiet. No music, no nothing but the gentle touch of Bunny.

Bunny, Bunny, Bunny. 

He had to keep her safe. The rage bubbled again before it ebbed, her hand stroking over his arm as she returned with the kit. He wasn’t worried about the split knuckles or the throbbing he felt in his hand. He had a high pain tolerance for as long as he could remember, but he felt a bit bad under all the anger about her life being disrupted. That he couldn’t just be… a normal protector. That he had to worry about snapping. 

He’d always had a bad temper, but this sort of anger was new. He hadn’t cared too much about anything else for a long time. Now that he cared so much for her that it felt like she was injected into his damn blood, he felt out of control. Not having control over finding this guy was making him  feel certifiably crazy. He’d never been sane, mind you, but he even knew it was bad now. 

His thoughts lingered on how he had never wanted to take someone out more. The person who caused all of this shit, who made it unsafe for her to even be alone in the places she had grown and loved. The places she learned.

“Baby?” She whispered softly in an attempt to get his attention, gently starting to wipe off the dried blood as she disinfected the open wound. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t wanna,” Bunny cooed, “just come back to me.” 

She let the hand holding his caress his skin in a form of comfort, using tweezers to get the splinters out from under his skin.

“You’re very angry, I know… I can imagine how frustrating it is— you are doing everything you can.” She wasn’t sure if her words would be of any help, but she wanted to say them anyway. “You’ll get him, I know you will. But for now, we are here.” 

A small hiss came from her as she watched the peroxide bubbling over the wound. He didn’t even blink. It made her heartache seeing him so empty and drained. 

Harry watched as she began to wrap his hand with gauze, turning it a bit to make things easier for her. He’d never had someone handle him with such care in this state. It baffled him to think she wasn’t afraid. How could she be so brave? To trust him when he didn’t trust himself. 

“All done.” Bunny smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to the bandaged hand. She didn’t expect him to speak, she was waiting patiently till he was ready.

He sighed, looking over her face. She was so fucking good. A little damn angel plopped into hell and he had to be the one to protect her. He’s never experienced such a panic in his life. Self doubt that he would be able to keep her safe. 

It fucked him up considering this was supposed to be the safest place.  That someone could get by without being noticed was a tell to some sort of skill. Wiz was an incredible guy when it came to security and electronics. He had either blocked the alarms or there was some sort of rat. 

He couldn’t trust most of these people right now. While he definitely felt guilt for that considering he knew 99% of them were on his side, there was a possibility someone wasn’t. And he wouldn’t chance that.

“Damn it.” He snarled. “You… I should be taking care of you.” His face showed irritation and instead of backing up, she repeated the soft action of brushing his long hair back out of his face that had fallen out of his low bun. “I’m supposed to take care of you and you’re here… fucking bandaging me up. Being so fucking sweet. “

“Is that so wrong?” She asked confused, “Think I wouldn’t be taking care of you if this wasn’t happening?” Of course she would be. Bunny enjoyed caring for him and providing a little bit of peace in his very rough and heavy lifestyle. 

To think he’d ever imagine it as a burden, as if life wouldn’t have thrown something else wretched and horrid her way had it not been this. 

“You are taking care of me. I’m here and I’m safe.” Bunny tried her shot at getting him to see things from her perspective. “You need me right now, that’s okay… I’m right here.” It had almost become natural for her to tend to his anger before she began to process her own feelings. She didn’t think it would help to dwell on the idea of someone watching her, she was already paranoid enough as it was. 

“I want to help this feeling, I know I can’t, but please… you have to let me.”

He growled in frustration. It was almost infuriating how sweet and understanding she was because it was his problem. He felt like he was making shit even harder.

“I just… I feel like all I fucking do is drag you down. This was supposed to scare him away.” He stood up, walking away from her. He needed to breathe, to pace for a minute. “This shit was supposed to protect you. And I made it worse.” 

He tugged at his hair, his bad hand throbbing at the action. He really was wanting to pull his hair out. A woman like Bunny didn’t belong in this decrepit, dangerous place and yet he had dragged her down. There was no  way out of it either, not without the guy being dead.

All he knew was that he had access to the school area, was good at technology, was lanky and tall and was a little bitch. A creep. He hated him more than he had hated anyone else because he had no regard for Bunny. It was obvious at this point. 

“I need to take you away; like a fucking coward. I’m running away but I don’t give a fuck. We need a break. You need to be somewhere you feel safe. You think I don’t see it?” He asked, approaching her again. 

“You think I don’t see when you disappear inside your head and you try your best to just pretend like you’re fine? I see right through it. You’re not processing any of this shit of whatever it is you’re supposed to do. And I’m worried. I’m worried about you, mentally, physically, emotionally.”

He was right. 

She hadn’t been processing it properly, but she was in distress and though he was blaming himself for making it worse, who knows what would have happened if he continued? It was just like Bunny to divert the conversation though. It seems Harry wasn’t having it today. He stopped her before she could speak. 

“You know I’m right about that. Bun, listen, I’m not in a good fucking space right now. I don’t even know how I’m talking to you cause I’m my head I just want to tear this place to shreds. I need you to tell me if I’m stepping over the line, cause you’re being so fucking sweet— I don’t deserve that!” He shook his head, the last line coming out a bit louder than he’d anticipated. She could only shake her head at him. 

“Harry— I’m trying to deal with it how I can. We both are. It hasn’t really hit me these past few times, I haven’t been letting it. I just know I won’t be able to keep going on with my life if I think about it too much. You know I’m in my head because I’m trying to self soothe… there is no answer to these feelings, they fucking suck. I know. This guy is fucking crazy. He could have done worse if you didn’t get involved. Who knows? The what ifs are killing me. Please don’t blame yourself for any of this. It’s not your fault.”

He swallowed thickly, his heavy breathing the only sound in the room before he dropped his hands, letting them smack against his sides. 

Fuck. 

He didn’t mean to explode on her. It’s the last thing she needed. She didn’t need his shit on top of everything else but he was so… so fucking scared. He didn’t like the idea of her getting hurt. He didn’t like that she wasn’t communicating it with him. 

“Can you please just tell me… tell me about it when it does come up? When you feel like it’s too much?” Harry was well fucking aware he wasn’t the easiest to talk to. He wasn’t. He was  intimidating and easily irritated and he had tried to build a wall between them in the past. It would be understandable why she would be hesitant before but now? Now he was doting on her. 

He wished she trusted him. 

“It is my fault. You shouldn’t even be in this position. I wish you had been able to fucking trust me enough when it first started happening so you could have told me. I know that it’s my fault you didn’t. It isn’t your fault at all.” He huffed, walking back to her. “I don’t deserve your sweetness . I was supposed to look out for you when Sterling left and now look at this shit.” 

He felt like he had failed. He had failed her.

She was trying her best to stay level headed, trying not to blame things on herself for not telling him sooner. Seeing him like this was making her emotional, she didn’t want him to be so stressed. 

“I’ll try, I promise.” Bunny said with a small sigh, “It’s hard for me in general. It's not that I don’t want to tell you these things, it’s just hard for me.” Y/N swallowed thickly, looking up at him with glossy eyes. “I didn’t think not telling you would come to this… I would have told you right away.” 

Bunny snaked her arms around him in a hug, squeezing his body to hers, listening closely to his heart beat. She kept her head there for a few moments, relaxing as she felt the weight on his hand cradling the back of her head.

They were a mess. The both of them. Harry knew that this wasn’t exactly healthy- nothing with him probably would be- but he didn’t have it in him to stop his indulgence for her comfort.

He couldn’t keep himself from pulling her as tightly as he could to her body, exhaling heavily as he pressed a few kisses to her head. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m fucking sorry for all of this shit.” 

The hoarseness of his voice caught her off guard. His anger was still there but he was still being soft with her. That was the difference. He never lifted a hand meant to harm her. Never. He never would. 

“It’s okay. We’re going on a trip and we can just… we can try and forget about this for a little bit.” She whispered against his shirt. “Just pretend to be normal for a bit. I don’t even know where we’re going but I’m going to be safe with you. Maybe we can feel ok when we get away.” Her choice was muffled against the fabric but he heard it. 

“I will do my best, baby.” He mumbled against her hair. “Don’t think it’ll ever be normal with us again.”

-————-

“Okay everything you need is here. For the time being, you are Ryder and Kitty Davidson.” Wiz spoke as he placed the documents on the table. “I got you rings as well, congratulations.” He winked trying to make light of the situation. 

“You’re flying First class to London. Your flight is in about 4 hours so you should get heading to the airport as soon as possible.” He continued, looking up at Viper to confirm the details. The two of them thoroughly planned this trip to ensure their safety. 

“I’ve booked you in indefinitely at the Londoner hotel. It’s very central with high security. They know you want your privacy and for their reputations sake they won’t fuck up. If you want to change locations, I trust Reaper knows his way around better than me.” Wiz let himself trail off as he tried to remember anything else he might be missing. 

“I’ve arranged to have a car pick you up under the name Davidson. It’s one of our own so no need to worry. He’s returning a small favor.” Viper added, checking his phone for any other updates before looking at the two of them. 

“We’re going to have some decoy cars leave first. One is going to Reaper’s place, one will be going to your Mom’s, and the third out of town.” Viper explained the plan, “We’re leaving through the underground exit in a completely different vehicle. All you have to do is finish up with packing and we’ll be on our way.”

Bunny was still amazed at some of the things the club was able to do. There were a lot of whispers about the things they were a part of from the normal people, the people around the town. But based on their assumptions, no one would have realized they had this sort of money. 

Harry had explained they had eggs in a bunch of baskets, some legal and some… not so much. That meant an influx of cash and places to launder it through.

She knew if this was any other time,she would be asking tons of questions. Why? How? What? But right now she was putting her trust in Harry and the guys of the Devil’s Keepers. Viper and Wiz had always shown up for her since she met them and it was a welcome thing to have. 

“Thanks for putting this together.” He nodded at Wiz, taking the folder from him. “We will call you when we land with the burners.” 

“I’ll be prepared for a thick cockney accent.” Wiz joked, making him snort. Yeah, right. He was more of a Manchester and London hybrid but that wouldn’t make sense to him. Harry’s accent had thinned since being here as a teenager but he knew that it would thicken the moment he stepped back there. It usually got stronger when he talked to his mum on the phone, so he could imagine how easily he was going to fall into it later.

Bunny had never been out of the country before, this was something completely new. The thought of it was actually exciting if she ignored the whole point of the trip. The running away from a stalker bit. 

Harry had always talked about his life in London, with a fondness she really saw in him elsewhere. It was as if he wondered what his life could have been had he been dealt a different hand. It seemed like his life there wasn’t that fruitful, but his returns to the country had always been pleasant.

“You packed warm, yeah baby?” He asked quietly, his Reaper persona taking a step back now that they had a plan. In all honesty, he was relaxed because he knew his way around London better than any man. He swore it. No one would want to willingly go to his ends. That he was sure of. 

“We’ll get you more clothes.” He spoke without even listening to her response, he had a feeling there was nothing warm in her duffle here in Vegas. Poor girl was in for wind and rain and clouds.

“We will?” She quirked her brow. “And just how will I do that?” 

“M’gonna buy you some. You need jumpers and jackets. The only one you packed was one of mine.” He gave her a slight look but it was in jest. He liked her in his clothes. The black jumper with slightly frayed sleeves tended to be her favorite and he wasn’t going to tell her no. Thankfully he had been able to grab some warmer clothes but not too much. He’d need to shop as well. 

“Well, I did want to buy some stuff.” She admitted, leaning her head against his arm while she looked into his duffel bag. “You know the cool shopping places in London? Not the designer ones but hole in the wall shops?” She liked to buy stuff that was unique, but she didn’t have the chance too often here. Her slip dresses were a staple but she did want to get some good jeans in London. 

It was definitely a way of coping. Y/N knew that eventually she wouldn’t be able to push the fact that this trip was to evade danger from the back of her mind anymore. She would have to accept it at some point. But god damn, did she want to pretend it was just a trip with her… boyfriend? Lover? Whatever they actually were. 

“I think so.” It’s been a few years since I’ve been there.” The last time he had traveled back was 3 years ago, briefly. Only 2 weeks to get some things settled. He hadn’t been back since. “We’ll have to see. Things change rather quickly, but I found a place last time when I ruined my trousers.” He replied, zipping up the duffle bag.

“All right, Sniper say we are all set to go. If you have everything, let’s get to the car. No time to waste.” Viper was a bit on edge himself, not having expected someone to find the clubhouse. Nonetheless, he had no intention of letting Harry know he was worried. He needed Reaper to have a break. As much as they needed him, for all of their sakes, it was better he went. 

The sound of their footsteps against wet cement echoed as the four of them descended down to the tunnels. They had a few for safety reasons. They had a bunker, a few rooms where most of their dodgy business took place. Killing and disposal and what not. Towards the end though was a garage full of three cars with the exact same plates. One was red, one was black, and one was white. 

“Take your pick bun.” Viper decided to make light of the situation. These cars were all clean. For the most part. They were mostly used for situations like these, getaways for safety. The plates changed after every use so they couldn’t be tracked. They cycled through wrapping them in different colors. It was all to keep things as anonymous as possible.

Bunny went for the white one. The red would get attention, the black was an obvious inconspicuous choice, but the white was a medium level. Harry was quiet for the most part now, helping her in and waving to Mia. She was playing decoy. Her hood was up and it was obvious she was a woman but the tinted windows would hide some of her features, making it easy to confuse the both of them. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly to her. Despite not talking to her much he appreciated even the slightly risk she put herself in for Y/N’s sake.

He got into the car with her, placing his hand on her thigh immediately. Y/N noticed this was something he did subconsciously. He didn’t even really seem to think about it. Every time he sat down next to her or drove with her, his hand would rest on her leg. Squeeze or rub or just rest still, he liked having a hand on her.

Her hand rested on top of his with a sigh, fiddling with his anatomical heart ring. He had a few he switched around but he rarely took this one off lately. It was chunky and large but it suited his hand, bruised knuckles and all. Her cheek rested against his arm, trying to let go of her nerves. 

“S’okay.” He comforted quietly. “We’re getting a break from this. Maybe the guy will get tired of it. If he doesn’t… we’ll come back rested enough to finally get him.”

Harry was exceedingly exhausted. His eyes were heavy all day but he couldn’t sleep. Nervous about her, about the freak breaking in somehow, someway, and hurting her. It plagued him like a nasty sore that wouldn’t heal.

Wanting to keep the stalker off their trail meant that Viper and Wiz had to stay low profile. The guy would recognize the two of them and they didn’t want to risk it. Instead, he had other members who had not been seen with Bunny to drive all three cars. 

“Be safe, yeah?” Viper nodded at the two of them from outside the window. “Have fun, little rabbit. Enjoy it.” The words were tender as they fell from his mouth. He wanted nothing more than for her to enjoy her time away from all of this. To have a bit of freedom again. 

Bunny gave him a small smile and nod, watching as he gave Harry a small fist bump before their window was rolled back up. The sound of roaring engines soon filled the space, each car making their way out. They had a few come out the front as well, this creepy wouldn’t know what was coming.

She didn’t dare to speak up as they traveled down through the long, narrow, and dark tunnel. It seemed like it kept going and going. She wasn’t sure how it got there, but she was starting to think she shouldn’t ask. 

Instead she snuggled further against Harry in the back seat, continuing to dig her face fully into him. It seemed his scent was able to do something to keep her calm since she couldn’t exactly wrap herself in his bedsheets anymore.

Harry didn’t like not being the one driving but he has to make that sort of sacrifice today. It wasn’t too big of a deal though, considering Bunny was nearly burrowed into him.

Harry, before her, wasn’t a fan of physical touch at all. He took his partners from behind, making them hold whatever was in front of them so they didn’t touch him. He barely kissed, barely allowed them to do a thing besides suck him off or spread their legs for him. It was very willing people, too, but still. He wasn’t a warm and fuzzy person. He would peels hands off of him and step back to avoid hugs or touches, keeping it hand handshakes for most, or a back pat or two. 

That’s partially why it was so weird for him that he felt so grounded when Bunny touched him. The comfort that he felt when she would brush his fingers with her own or press a tiny kiss to his hand, leaning against him. His own body seeking her out for it. That had shocked him and made him feel incredibly out of place once he stepped back from it. The good thing though, was he didn’t hate it. 

If anything he fell into it more and more each day. Initiating more and more like a nosy little puppy, chaste and gentle touches like fingers under shirts playing with her bracelets or adjusting the hair in her face . It felt a bit pathetic he wanted to touch her every day, if he was being honest. He’d also never felt so good with it. Her fingers tangled with his own little kisses that didn’t lead to anything other than a smile. 

He was fucked. A goner. He had become well and truly soft, obsessed, possessive, enamored with the girl he definitely shouldn’t. Sterling is still going to beat his ass, and Harry is going to let him. 

It was worth it.

[lavenderfluorite14]

A Taste of Plums | Astarion x Female!Tav

Chapter 3: Kiss

Summary: Astarion sets some boundaries, then drinks his fill.

Chapter Warnings: 18+, Explicit Content, Blood Drinking, Brief Somnophilia, Masturbation.

Full tag list on AO3. Chapter 1. Chapter 2.

A/N: Happy Patch 6 Update Eve! Also Happy Valentine’s Day, I love everyone who has clicked on this fic so I’m updating early. Please enjoy some Astarion self-love smut. ❤️‍🔥

The next morning Tav emerged from her tent well rested and alert. She made her morning rounds as usual, but each time Astarion thought she was making her way over to him Tav would instead veer away, seemingly captivated by some other distraction. Was she ignoring him? Was Tav going to leave him at camp with the other rejects while she adventured with her favorites? His uncharacteristic moment of shyness last night was already costing him. When Tav finally made her way over to him he slipped on his silkiest smirk. “My darling,” he immediately begins, “last night you were positively divine-"

“Wait, Astarion,” Tav interrupts. He stops, his monologue dead on his lips.

“I’m sorry for overstepping last night. I know you only wanted my blood.” Astarion blinks owlishly at her. She was apologizing to him. He could work with this. “For what it’s worth, I’m very disgusted with myself. But that doesn’t excuse my-”

“Oh, it’s not your fault that I’m so irresistible.” Astarion waves his hand. “I just wanted to make sure that you were alright,” he insists. Tav reddens, her blood blooming beautifully in her cheeks. 

“I’m alright, Astarion,” Her fingers brush the amulet, which glitters against her throat. “This was a really thoughtful gift.” His stomach does a weird little flip-flop that he doesn’t understand. He knew she’d like it, that’s why he gave it to her. It benefits him.

“I’m so delighted,” he says. It’s not entirely a lie and a small frisson of fear coils at the base of his spine. 

“But if you are uncomfortable with our arrangement, we can make some very simple adjustments.” He cocks an eyebrow playfully. “We can do this the traditional way. I’ll come to you at night after you are soundly asleep in your bedroll. ” 

Tav shifts uneasily. “But are you sure-"

“And next time, I’ll make sure I’m quiet,” Astarion leans into her, invading her space. “I’ll take just enough to keep me sated,” he lowers his tone suggestively, “and just enough to keep you wishing for more.” Tav swallows at his innuendo, but she keeps her voice even. 

“Whatever you are comfortable with, Astarion.”

“I promise, I am very, very comfortable,” Astarion lies. Now, shall we begin the day? These goblins won’t kill themselves.” 

~

The blighted village was a depressing eyesore, but a small treasure trove of resources lay hidden behind its crumbling walls. Astarion could have wept when they discovered a bathtub on the upper floor of an apothecary. The alchemist who had lived there, Ilyn Toth, had been quite well-stocked. On the first floor they found all kinds of herbs, potions, and trinkets. Astarion was raiding a wine rack when Karlach called out to them: “Oi guys! There’s a hatch over here! Bet there’s even more stuff in the basement.”

More potions, more books, more trinkets. Karlach even took a painting off the wall at Tav’s urging. And then Astarion noticed a lever peaking out from behind a stack of boxes. Tav grabbed it and one of the many bookcases slid aside with an ominous creak, revealing a dank, wet passageway that wound its way deep into the earth. Obviously Tav wanted to check it out.

Tav had been cordial, if perhaps a little distant, since the morning. He thought that perhaps she was trying to give him space. He supposed it was cute, if a little silly. She wouldn’t feel so bad about wanting to use him if she knew even a few of the things he had done. But he could easily reel her in again. In the warm light of day his previous objections seemed childish and maudlin.

He was somewhat surprised that she had even agreed to night time feedings. “The Kiss” was a powerful relaxant, a brilliant adaptation for a devious nocturnal predator. To some, it was even an aphrodisiac. Why allow him to bite her at all if she couldn’t enjoy the effects? She must truly be a deviant. Nonetheless, this was still a mutually beneficial transaction. Astarion had gotten what he wanted. Why wasn’t he satisfied? 

The passageway snaked its way into a glittering cave where half a dozen coffins moldered in the gloom. Karlach immediately pried one open and Tav discovered a scroll within its depths, a curious spell that allowed the caster to summon a quasit. She handed it to Wyll, who began studying it. Soon a foul-mouthed, gibbering little demon was trailing behind them, babbling on about some book with terrible magic inside. Astarion had wanted to name her Basket, but Wyll wanted to keep her previous name: Shovel. 

Turns out, the good doctor had been dabbling in powerful necromantic magic beneath his quaint little shop. Useful necromantic magic. And it seemed like he had left in a hurry: books and notes were scattered all over his laboratory, bones and viscera littered the floor, and a body was unceremoniously dumped across a dirty operating theater. Tav immediately buried herself in the necromancer’s notes while Wyll and Karlach continued scavenging. Astarion’s eye was drawn to a curious cell embedded in the rock, locked behind a barred door. He jimmied the locks and traps easily, stepping carefully into the cramped room. 

Inside the cell on an otherwise barren table lay one of the most menacing books that Astarion had ever seen. It had been bound in a suspicious and unidentifiable leather, and from its cover a wretched face emerged in a silent scream. There must be something good inside.

“This journal says that there was a key of some kind that went missing? And then days later Toth’s apprentice also disappeared?” Tav said. 

“Very suspicious,” Karlach murmured. Astarion grinned.  Necromancy meant control of the dead. Control of the undead. Perhaps even a spell or two for vampire lords. 

“Then what are we sitting around for, darlings?”

~

That meddling boy must have been the dumbest apprentice in all of Faerûn. Turns out, stealing the key to an ominous necromantic tome meant chucking it down a well and into an infestation of venomous spiders. Astarion had laughed when Karlach tripped over the enwebbed body of the apprentice. Serves that fool right.

It was so faint that Astarion almost missed it. Deep in the darkness of the well a faint purple light pulsed and swirled. Kicking aside a spider carcass, Astarion plucked the gem from the grimy cave floor. Its eerie glow cast a strange pall over their faces. “I think that’s it,” Tav said, reaching out for the amethyst. Their fingers brushed and despite their thick gloves and the sweaty exertion from battle, Astarion felt a spark of electricity pass between them. Tav had been particularly vicious today, blinding and paralyzing spiders with barely a word. Then he would strike while they were stunned, piercing them with his sharp blades. They’d made a good team. He couldn’t help running his eyes along her throat and down her curves as he relinquished the jewel to her. Tav briefly polished the stone against the front of her jerkin and popped it into the front of the strange book, which began to glow with a sickly violet light. This was an evil book. A powerful book.

“Please don’t open the creepy book,” Karlach pleaded.

“That’s evil magic. We must destroy it,” Wyll insisted.

“And it looks awfully heavy. Why don’t you let me carry that for you?” Astarion put on his best pout, his eyes glittering in the lowlight. Tav turned towards him. “On one condition,” She said. Astarion stiffened. “Will you tell me what’s inside it when you are done?” Astarion smiled.

“I’ll tell you every last sordid detail, my dear.”

~

Camp was quiet that night. Gale asked many questions about the new book and even had the audacity to ask Astarion if he could have it instead. “Absolutely not. It is mine,” Astarion spat. Gale opened his mouth to protest but Astarion quickly added: “Tav said so.” Confusion and hurt both passed over Gale’s face and Astarion turned on his heel and left, clutching his dark prize tightly. 

Tav had really given him the clearly evil necromantic book. First her blood, and now a powerful magical artifact that could possibly empower him against his master. He hasn’t even slept with her yet and his little investment was already paying off. 

He settled into his tent, mentally preparing himself to read. He pulled a tufted chair up to the small table he had decided to use as a desk, both of which were stolen from the necromancer’s basement. Somehow, this felt familiar. It wasn’t concrete but he had a vague feeling, a memory in his body, of poring over thick, difficult to read tomes until the dense passages made sense or he made them make sense. He shrugged the feeling away: he wasn’t a magistrate anymore.

Astarion stared at the grim face on the cover of the book with disdain. It was so hideous. Astarion flipped open the heavy cover and a delicious wave of dark energy immediately surged through him. It felt energizing, powerful. He felt deep in his bones that he was on the right path, that this book could tell him exactly what he wanted to know. As he continued reading, the glyphs began to shift and swirl before his eyes. Magic rippled through the pages, through his fingers, through his body. Voices came to him, whispering terrible longings and secrets of every shape and size. The cacophony filled him so completely that his head began to throb with it.

Kill them. Kill them all. 

Dark claws of magic pulled at his mind, trying to erode his will and drag him under its control. “No, I won’t kill them.” Astarion ground out as he thrashed in his chair, resisting the dreadful pull with everything he had. Well, maybe Karlach, he thought. Even in the grips of fell magic, he remembered how she had hoisted Tav up into her arms, effortlessly carrying her back to camp yesterday. 

Look. Away.

Astarion mustered up every last ounce of his will, successfully slamming the book closed with a sickening thud. Free of the dark compulsions, he slumped forward in his chair. He wouldn’t kill Karlach. Karlach was too useful. And fun.

“Good book?” A voice cut through his tired thoughts like a hot knife and he bolted upright. Whirling in his seat, he saw Tav hovering at the entrance of his tent. He relaxed, somewhat. “Hello,” he said sheepishly. He gestured for her to come inside.

“Slow going, I take it?” Tav said, coming around his desk to peer at the book. “You could say that. It’s protected by vengeful spirits,” Astarion sighed. “They make it impossible to read the damn thing without triggering their unholy yammering.”

“I could tell. Are you alright?” Tav asked. Astarion nodded, hand waving her concern away. She hopped up on his desk and Astarion leaned back in his chair, turning to face her. “What do you think they are guarding?” she asked, kicking her feet as she perched. “It’s clearly something powerful, I can feel it,” Astarion gushed excitedly. “Anything could be in there. Ways to speak to the dead, control the dead. Bring the dead back to life. A way to free myself from Cazador could even be in there.” He looked up at her, saw the confusion on her face and internally smacked himself. Of course she doesn’t know who Cazador is. “Sorry, did you want something?” He snapped. 

“Who is Cazador?” Tav asks innocently. He knows it’s innocent. He knows she’s just curious. Knowing her, she will probably think she can help.

“Cazador is none of your business,” Astarion spits. Tav stops kicking her feet. She slides off his desk, landing onto the dirt floor with a graceful plop.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she says diplomatically, but Astarion can tell she is disappointed. He just stares at her. She thinks she can handle it. But she’d hate him if she knew. She wouldn’t be so sweet to him if he told her. “I just came to tell you that you could feed on me again tonight. If you wanted.”  Surprise washes over Astarion at this. Why is she being so nice to him? 

He will have to tell her something eventually. But he doesn’t want to crush this tentative thing they have yet with his mess. Astarion slips on his mask, the face he knows Tav actually wants to see, and purrs:

“Then I’ll see you later, you sweet, generous thing.” 

Tav lingers for another moment, sensing that she is dismissed, but clearly not wanting to leave. “Alright. Good night, Astarion. Get some rest if you can.” She leaves him to his bitter, lonely thoughts, just like he wanted. 

~

Hours later, Astarion slips eagerly into Tav’s tent. He had waited impatiently until he felt her heartbeat settle into the steady rhythm of sleep. Now she lay before him like a fairytale princess waiting for true love’s kiss from a besotted prince. Such a pretty picture. It was almost a shame that she would get him instead. 

He had denied her his body, taken her treasure, snapped at her, and told her no, yet she was still letting him drink her blood. He should feel guilty, especially after their earlier exchange, but it is in a vampire’s nature to take. And it is in her nature to give. How kind. How dumb. How lucky for him. After 200 years of starvation, slavery, and degradation he was going to seize every gift he received, even if he didn’t deserve it.

Astarion laid carefully down beside her. His hand drifted over her cheek, ghosting over her beautiful face. Leaning over her, he took a deep breath in through his nose, savoring the sweet smell of her hair, the savory notes of her skin. She was so warm up close. And now he had her all to himself.

His fangs sliced through her skin, hitting their sanguine mark with ease. He drank from her languidly, savoring each gush of blood that filled his mouth. Astarion felt some of it dribble down his chin, pooling in a seductive swirl along Tav’s throat. His cock twitched to life, slowly hardening with each mouthful of hot blood. When he was full enough he withdrew to admire her, yet again.

Tav hadn’t stirred at all. She lay peacefully asleep, completely undisturbed by his ministrations. Her expression was soft, relaxed in repose. She was completely unaware of the monster in her tent. 

He returned dutifully to her neck, resuming his feast. But in between sips he pressed experimental kisses to her neck, unable to fully resist. Gods, she was gorgeous. And she was willingly letting him do this to her. She was clearly a fool. But she was his fool. Maybe she really would understand. He could never tell her everything, but maybe he could tell her certain things. He shuddered against her, dragging his lithe body against her in one tantalizingly slow motion.

Licking his lips clean of any blood, he laid a chaste kiss on her plush lips. He wanted to really kiss her, wanted to press his lips to hers and feel her open beneath him, ready to be taken. The memory of their previous kiss tormented him, made him achingly hard and filled him with stupid ideas that led nowhere. 

Besides, this little display was a waste. Tav wasn’t awake to enjoy it, so what was the point. This won him no favors. But you like it, he thought. This brings you pleasure. He wanted to run as far away as he could and never come back. He wanted to bury himself completely between her legs. 

He cleaned her up slowly. Tenderly, his traitorous mind supplied. He drew his tongue gently over her neck, lapping up any stray rivulets of blood. When he was done he pressed one final kiss to her neck, right over his bite.

~

Back in his tent Astarion flopped down into his nest of pillows, his deft fingers immediately grasping for the laces of his trousers. His neglected cock throbbed with a deep, insistent need that he could no longer ignore. He often had to make himself hard in order to perform for Cazador’s victims, but it had been an age since he had experienced an honest bodily reaction to someone. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. He was glad he was alone. 

Initially he sets a brutal rhythm, just trying to get this over with. He strokes himself roughly from base to tip, hurtling himself towards oblivion. His mind drifts back to Tav and he realizes, as a pearl of precum beads on his tip, that he doesn’t actually want to rush this. He forces his hand to slow to a torturous pace, twisting his head on the upstroke in a way that pulls a breathy gasp from him. He imagines he is back in Tav’s tent, teeth buried in her throat and body settled firmly over hers. 

Tav sleepily stirs beneath him, a moan on her lips. She presses herself upwards and begs him for more. “Please, Astarion.” He sinks his fangs deeper into her and she cries out sweetly, grinding herself desperately against his hard length like she did the other night. She’s at his mercy, overcome by pain and pleasure that only he can give her. 

In his tent, heat pools in his abdomen and he finally allows himself to buck up greedily into his fist. In the fantasy, she spreads her legs for him and he slides easily into her, fucking her deeply, the taste of her blood still on his tongue. He licks his teeth, searching for any bloody remnants that might still be in his mouth. They are long gone but their ghost remains, faint but still ambrosial, and he moans with want as he fucks his fist faster. He takes her selfishly, pounding into her very core with unapologetic need. She clenches around him, shuddering on the brink of a powerful orgasm. She wants him, all of him. “Yes! Please, Astarion!”

His own climax hits him hard and fast, erupting all over his hand. He sinks further into his pillows, basking in the sudden afterglow. He can’t remember the last time he came like that. He can’t remember the last time he came at all. And to the thought of something as simple as Tav wanting him. He cringes at his juvenile fantasy.

~

The next morning Astarion surreptitiously watches Tav buckle her jerkin and equip her rapier, the perfect picture of a determined, capable adventurer. Today, Tav has decided to pay that sweet old lady a visit at her house, much to Lae’Zel’s irritation. This will delay their journey to the crèche but Tav says that they can’t afford to ignore any leads that they have, no matter how small. Astarion says nothing while Tav and Lae’Zel argue. The longer they delay, the longer he’s free. Astarion decides that despite the initial hiccups, everything is unfolding according to plan. Involving himself with Tav is a good tactical decision. And if he wants it too, well, then that is just a bonus.

~

Chapter 4: Confession

[ofallthingsnasty]

Nasty I have a question about basement wife I’ve been thinking of for a while 🤔 apart from not trying to escape and not fighting against crocodile, what counts as her being on her “best behavior”?

At his core, I think that yandere/dark Crocodile is a wife guy. He wants that "wife experience" without the hassle of you running and threatening his operations in any way whatsoever. He did say he never trusted anyone from the start - and you're no exception to that. But who needs trust in their partner when they're unable to do anything against him? Crocodile wants to have his cake and eat it, too. (Not to mention that being a real threat to someone makes them awfully compliant and sweet, no?) You playing pretend, being nice and giving him a warm lap to rest his head on after a hard day's work is 'best behavior'. No fussing, no going stiff, no claws, no apathy, nothing. Just you being his good, little (or not-so-little) stepford wife. Our man is tired, overworked, always tense... he just wants an outlet at home; someone to spoil and decorate, to take the edge off. Of course, you're only human and not perfect, he can live with that. But you being affectionate out of your own volition, addressing him with a pet name, a kiss pressed to the hand that holds you at night... That is best behavior. And always rewarded. In my mind, this whole spiel goes on for years and years - at least a good while before Robin appears. It has the potential to morph into a weird neither-here-nor-there dynamic, one that makes him a little softer, to the point that he drags you with him after the Summit War. After all, he could have simply ditched you, without a base and unsteady as he is. But you're well and truly his spouse by then. You belong by his side, are a part of the look like the fur he likes to wear. And with the years (and fear, wrongly perceived as loyalty), he really finds himself loving you. A little backwards, that one.

[riddle-me-ri]

If you're taking requests is like to requests the riddlers with jealousy scenarios! Thank you

A/N: as much as I don’t like ACTUAL jealousy and try to refrain from jealous tendencies I find in myself…jealousy scenarios are kinda fun to write for rip…is that bad? I feel like that’s bad lmao. Sorry that if some if not most of these tend to repeat the same scenarios (co-worker, waiter, colleague, they’re just such good set-ups asdfgh)

Jealousy Scenarios with The Riddlers:

Arkhamverse Riddler:

Edward was absolutely furious. Why would you ever even begin to comprehend such a thing? Surely, you had to be smarter than this. You knew better than this? From all your time privileged in his presence…

“You would rather be a trembling brain-dead guinea pig than being a productive and useful assistant in a very intellectually stimulating environment mind you!”

“Ed. I just said Jonathan stopped by asking for you…”

“But you let him into my work space!” 

“Upstairs is the living area, not your work space here in the basement or your tracks in the sewers. And his leg was giving him issues, so I let him rest.” 

“Oh please! Our dear, ex-professor has many issues, but that leg isn’t one of them. He moves better with it than when he was in perfect health!” 

“If you’re jealous of another man being alone with me can just say that you’re not comfortable.” 

Edward groaned in frustration. “I’m not jealous of that walking tarp of burlap!” 

You shrugged, but patted Ed’s shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Sure, sweetie.”

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler:

“Wow, he is something, isn’t he?” You remarked at the TV. 

As much as he admired the vigilante another part of him couldn’t stand him.

Ed really should have seen this coming. How could you not be absolutely smitten? He was everything he wish he had an iota of. 

Batman is intelligent, strong, fast, and assertive…

Meanwhile, Edward Nashton is just dull, awkward, quiet, and weird…what the hell did you see in him anyway? 

“Eddie? Everything okay?” 

Your sweet voice knocked him out of his reverie. He was back on the couch with you, watching the news of the Batman’s latest escapades. 

“Oh…uh…y-yeah I’m fine..” 

You quirked your eyebrow, not sure if you were going to accept that answer. 

“He is incredible…” Ed commented as he turned his attention back to the screen of Batman narrowly escaping a gang of thugs in a high speed chase on the highway.

Oh, that’s what it was. For all the admiration one can have for another, there’s still that habit of comparison mentor to mentee. 

“Yeah, he’s all right. But I bet he’s an absolute stick in the mud and not nearly as intelligent as a certain handsome fellow I know.” You scooted closer to Edward on the couch and even sold the comment with an actual nudge into his side. 

Edward noticed you got closer and was confused when you nudged him. Then he took in what you said. He lifted his head up a little with a soft smile on his face. 

“You…you prefer me to Batman?” “I prefer you over everyone and anyone else, Eddie. If I had a choice, it will always be you.”

Gotham Riddler:

The GCPD was full of eligible bachelors. Mostly guys just looking for a good time or friends with benefits. 

You were too good for them, all of them really. Even too good for Edward. Yet he was able to woo you somehow. Despite the two of you being in a very obvious relationship, with approval from Gordon, Lee, even Bullock…it didn’t stop some officers from trying to disrupt what you two had. 

Edward was coming up to your office to take you out to lunch. However, he was surprised to see an overwhelming sight. 

Flowers, cards, letters were strewn all over your desk and overflowing to your floor. 

You looked up at him. Your eyes wide and your skin pale, like you had seen a ghost. 

“E-Eddie…I…I wish I could explain but...I have no idea…w-who these are from? Or w-w-what’s going on?” You looked around looking for any sort of indicator of who sent the gifts. 

Edward’s fists clenched, a snarl growing on his face. He stood there still as a rock, trying to keep his innate reaction to just run amok in the GCPD to find the culprit in tact. 

You noticed Ed was quiet for a long time. You noticed his tense expression and his thousand yard stare into the floor. 

“Y-You…you don’t…like them..do you?” Ed regretted asking it as soon as he grumbled it out through barred teeth. 

You sighed, sympathetically. Walking around the baskets and bouquets and made your way to him. 

“I would have adored them if they were from you, but they’re not. So as far as I’m concerned, these flowers can be re-sent to someone else or tossed. And the cards can go straight into the disposal…you don’t need to be jealous, sweetheart.” You gave him a reassuring kiss on the cheek. 

You smiled as you saw the tension all throughout his body slowly melt away from the kiss. 

Then, as if a lightbulb went off, Edward’s eyes widened in revelation. 

“W-Wait, before you throw anything away!” Edward went to your desk and gathered some of the cards and the bouquet. “While I still have my gloves on anyway…”

“What’re you doing?” 

“...gonna search for prints…” he mumbled quickly, so when you made out what he said he was already too far gone to catch back up with him.

BTAS Riddler:

Something was off with Eddie tonight. However, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 

“Eddie…you’ve been awfully quiet tonight…you know how much I love hearing your voice.” Which wasn’t an exaggeration either, and you did miss speaking to him. 

You saw him slightly shuffle his weight on the opposite end of the couch. 

“I’m fine…” 

“Eddie…I know when you’re not fine, sweetie. Please talk to me…” You fluttered your eyelashes at him, and poked out your bottom lip for good measure. 

Edward groaned in defeat. “I hate it when you do that…it’s too effective.”

“That’s why I do it.” You grinned. 

“I just can’t understand how oblivious you are, darling…you clearly couldn’t tell he was…was…”

“He who? Jervis?” 

Edward growled. “Yes…Jervis…”

“Eddie, he was just being polite!” 

“He didn’t have to kiss your hand.” He grumbled, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Aww, Eddie,” you scooted closer to his side of the couch. You wrapped your arms around him and snuggled into his side. 

“You don’t ever had to be jealous, darling. I will always love and adore you, no matter what…you know that.” You looked up at him, smiling reassuringly at him. 

He stole a glance into your eyes, and sighed. Edward knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. He wrapped an arm around you and began rubbing your back. 

“I-I know…still doesn’t mean I have to like it though…” 

You snickered into his side as he chuckled along with you.

Zero Year/Capullo Riddler:

“You don’t need to be jealous, Eddie…”

Edward scoffed. “Jealous? Please, I’m not jealous of anyone.”

“So you just threatened my date with a bomb sent to his work place…for funsies?” 

Ed shrugged. “It’s been dull here, lately…and I haven’t been a public menace in a minute.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Well, I’m not stopping you, so stop keeping me from having a dating life!” 

“You don’t need to date anybody…” He grumbled under his breath. 

“Ed, you’re the one that said we weren’t-”

“I’m not going back on my word…I just…” He shrugged. 

“You just want me to focus on you, you needy bastard…”

He put his hand up with his index finger pointed out. “Ah, ah, that’s Mr. Needy Bastard to you…”

“Uh huh, sure…needy jealous bastard…” You smirked as you walked off. 

“I. Am. Not. Jealous! I’m the Riddler! I’m not jealous of anyone! If anything they’re all envious of me.”

“Did you choose to wear green cause you’re just knee deep in envy?” 

“I’m redirecting the bomb. It’s now going to your workplace.”

Twojar Riddler:

“Edward! Ed! Slow down!” You were running to catch up with him as he dragged you by the wrist back to the car parked along the sidewalk. 

He let out a frustrated sigh and let go of your wrist. Edward continued his steady pace as he rounded the car to go to the driver’s seat. You still stood there; confused and somewhat shaken from the sudden action. 

“Can you please get in the car?”

You walked up to the open window and leaned your head in. “Not until you explain what the hell is going on?” 

Ed grumbled. “I just want to go back home–”

“Was it that waiter?” Earlier in the evening a waiter made a couple passes at you while Edward was in the restroom and he walked in on the waiter trying to get your number.

Silence. Edward crossed his arms and sunk in the driver’s seat. 

“Oh my God, Ed…”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Will you, please just get in the car?”

Gotham City Sirens Riddler:

“Oh, hey there, Mr. Nygma. This is Mr. Sale, he called earlier about–” 

Edward barely heard what you said, his brain was too busy taking in the sights of the scene before him. You were sitting, slightly propped up on the edge of your desk. While the presumed, “Mr. Sale” was standing before you mere inches away. Your cheeks were flushed red possibly from laughing and whatever words were just transpired. 

Mr. Sale backed away and walked over to end, holding out his hand for a handshake. “Mr. Nygma! Such a pleasure to meet you!”

It took everything in Edward not to grimace outwardly. He could read this man like an open book. Rental three piece suit. Over-priced cologne. A faint oval outline where the skin was paler around his left ring finger. 

Armed with this, Edward knew his next plan of action. “Ah, well…I wish I could say the same for you, Mr. Sale. But I’m afraid I’m far too busy for your case.” 

Flabbergasted, Sale was gaping his mouth like a fish out of water. “B-B-But, you, you haven’t even heard my case! You can’t just–”

“Oh, but I can…privileges of owning a private firm. And I’m not about to waste my or my assistant’s time…running in circles…because you want to frame your wife of cheating to cover up your own infidelity.” 

“Oh, I can assure you, I’m not wasting your assistant’s time.” Sale stole a glance at you and winked. 

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Mr. Sale. Have a good day or not, I don’t care.” 

Sale was about to say something in defense, but growled in frustration instead and took off. He left the office with the slam of the door. 

You came up behind Ed and embraced him from behind. “You’re sexy when you’re jealous.” 

“Oh, please…I wasn’t jealous.”

You squeezed him a little tighter, giggling softly. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Telltale Riddler:

“What are you staring at?” Ed asked. 

“Huh?” You were knocked out of your reverie with his question. You were looking out the window of your shared apartment. 

“You’ve been daydreaming out of that window for almost half an hour.” 

“Oh, uh, just people watching.” 

Edward looked up from his desk to you. He let out a frustrated sigh when he said, “hm, you could be more productive by assisting me…”

You turned to look at the man; annoyed and confused. “You just told me not to bother you, Ed.” 

“Annoying me and assisting me are two different things. Or you can go and people watch outside…and see what all the troubled idiotic youth is up to.”

Oh…poor Edward. No matter how many times he tried to shield it or ignore it. His age…the age gap between you two was something he was always weary of. 

You shook your head, scoffing in disappointment. You got up from your seat and walked over to his desk. 

“Nah, I’d rather not lose the brain cells, so whatcha working on Eddie?” 

Edward was surprised to see you come to his desk. He was almost certain you were going to walk out the door. 

“Well…for starters…ugh…could you please not sit on the desk! There’s a spare chair over in the corner!” 

You chuckled softly. “Yes sir, on it!”

Young Justice Riddler:

Who was he kidding, he didn’t stand a chance with you to begin with…

No matter how many times you genuinely checked in on him, kept him company, and included him where you could. All those open opportunities that were the building blocks to Eddie’s confidence in a relationship with you was completely knocked down before the foundation could even settle in. Thanks to this new Light recruit you were training. 

“Hey, Eddie!” You called out to him. You ran down the corridor to catch up to him.

“Why such a long face? I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you lately, things have been crazy!” You chuckled nervously. 

“Oh, uh…no worries. I-I get it..” 

“Hey, let me make it up to you! There’s this new place downtown that just opened. Wanna hang out and grab a bite there?” You offered. 

You did feel bad about leaving Eddie in the dark. Despite the increase in the Light’s numbers, training the newbies was taking up a lot of whatever free time you had. You missed talking to Edward, you could actually be yourself around him and not have a care in the world. Plus he was too damn cute for words. 

“Uuhh…umm but what about that newbie? D-Don’t you have plans with them?” Edward asked before he really had a chance to stop himself. 

You grabbed his shoulder to stop him from walking as you turned him around to face you. “Eddie...what’re you talking about?” 

“I-I-I didn’t mean to assume something…I-I-I just noticed that you-you were spe-spending a l-lot of time with th-them and the-they seem to like you..a lot..” 

You put your fingertips up to his lips to seize his nervous panicked rambling. 

“Eddie…” You sighed. “I’m just training them. Yeah, they flirt, but I rebuke them. There’s nothing going on outside of training.” 

“Really?” He mumbled behind your fingers. 

You chuckled. “Yes, really. Besides, I’m interested in someone else. I have been for awhile actually.” You slowly removed your fingers from his lips. 

“W-Wait, really? Uh...who?”

Your eyes widened when you realized he really didn’t get it. Bless him, this absolute dork. 

“It’s you, Eddie.” You stated, figuring bluntness was the way to go as you sealed the confession by taking your hand in his.

You felt his hand slightly tighten around yours. “Wa-really?” He almost squealed. 

You did everything you could to not bust out laughing. You shook you head, trying to shake the giggles. “Yes, you. Now, about our first date…”

Hush (DCAU) Riddler:

Needless to say, Edward was jealous of everyone. He would never admit it, but he was. Secretly, seething, he despised most everyone. Especially those that had things he didn’t. Strength, power, influence, perfect health. Perfect health…

“Hey, Eddie!” You came through the door, dropping your belongings and stepping out of your work shoes. 

He didn’t deserve you he really didn’t. He wouldn’t blame you if you dropped him and left him for your co-worker at work that obviously has the hots for you. Of course you were too kind and rather oblivious to see that, but he adored you for that all the same. 

“Hey sweetie,” he greeted back half-heartedly. “How was your day?” 

“Oh, same old same old. Although, something weird happened, you know that co-worker I told you about? Scott? The one that’s been super friendly?” 

Through gritted teeth, Edward nodded. “Y-Yeah, I do…what about him?” 

“He asked me out to dinner tonight, it was so random…I thought he was just being friendly…to be friends.” You shrugged as you plopped beside Edward on the couch. 

Edward could feel his fist slightly clench in frustration. 

“Y-You said no…though right?” 

“Edward!” You practically squealed in disbelief. “Of course I told him no! I have you! I’d never do such a thing.”

“I-I know…I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, that wasn’t right of me to ask…” He sighed in defeat. “I…I haven’t been in the best mindset as of late.”

You nodded. “It’s okay, when you’re ready we can talk about it. But for all the questions and riddles in this world, don’t you dare question my feelings for you…okay?” 

You leaned your head on his shoulder and wrapped your arm around his waist and embraced him in a side hug. 

“Okay, sweetie. I won’t, I promise.”

[the-puppet-bracket]

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This guy's whole thing is not wanting to be a puppet anymore, but uh-oh-spaghetti-o! Dude now has physical puppet strings!"

"Making a [SPECIL] deal by placing his [#1 SALE SYSTEM] into a [CLASSIC!] body, Spamton believed he could be more than [HYPERLINK BLOCKED]. But the strings told him otherwise. He lunged at Kris in [LIMITED TIME OFFER], trying with all his [50% OFF!] to be more than a puppet."

"Spam email bot who was exposed to something that drove him mad and he spent the whole rest of his existence trying to cut his strings, only to die (maybe?) when he finally manages it."

"He is the most tortured dumpster man alive. Also, not literally a puppet, but metaphorically!!! There's some mysterious outside force controlling him and limiting what he can say and god, he desperately wants to break free, trying to kill the protagonist (his only friend in years) for the chance of ""being let loose from his strings"". In his secret boss battle, he thinks he'll be free after getting a new body but he isn't, as his new powerful body has literal strings attached. You fight him, because he thinks your soul (long story) will gain him access to freedom. During the pacifist route of the battle, you cut his strings until there's one more left, he's ecstatic, being able to break free from the narrative of the confines of the game. He decides to break his own last string, and he falls to the ground into pieces. It turns out he relied on the strings after so long, and couldn't recover without them. Afterwards, he's deshevaled, hung up by vines in the dark basement that resemble his old strings and he says ""It seems after all I couldn't be anything more than a simple puppet."" This ties back to how Kris, the protagonist of the game is feeling the effects of being controlled by the player and really shows the core focus of the game and it's characters. And that's why I entered him into this poll!

Also he is genuinely so fucking hilarious bro just play Deltarune already what the fuck are you doing the chapters that are out rn are free dawg (play Undertale first though, it's like ten bucks or something you'll be fine)"

"Spamton best blorbo. Very good blorbo. Exquisite blorbo even. He's sad and adhd and insane and weird and I love him and you should too. Pipis"

"he spamt"

"[[NUMBER ONE RATED SALESMAN 1997]]"

"he's living in a goddamn garbage can. let the big shot win. it'll be funny. does he deserve it? that is up to viewer discretion. but he is our beloved tumblr sillyman and as such we need to pay him respect in some manner. <3

(iirc spamton is a puppet? probably. oh well if he doesn't count ignore this i'm not read up on

my deltarune)"

"frankly i'd be surprised if he's not one of the most submitted. anyway his whole Deal is about being a puppet and having other things control him and so he seeks to regain that control through either manipulating the player into murdering half the city or to take the red soul and use it to become a god. yet in his super powerful NEO form he still has strings attached to him (that he won't even notice if he succeeded in the player manipulation thing) and in either case he ultimately becomes an item you use just for stats. guy really isn't a fan of puppetteers"

"you propably knew this was coming lol

Tumblr's favorite awful little puppet desperately fighting to get rid of his strings

the pinocchio references are strong in this one

HA HA HA ... THIS POWER IS

FREEDOM.

I WON'T HAVE TO BE JUST A PUPPET ANY MORE!!!!

...

OR... so... I... thought.

WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? WHY AM I NOT [BIG] ENOUGH!? It's still DARK... SO DARK!"

"Tries to become a real boy, ends up as another puppet look guy. He's shady, he's a scammer, he's got cringefail swag and I love him"

"He's just a little fucked-up little guy"

[oldiesstationlover11607]

Hii!!!! Would you do another singer! Reader x Tyler Joseph? Maybe the reader is apart of a band or a duo and their band is doing a live interview and perhaps a band mate accidentally tells the audience about the reader’s crush on Tyler? And the next day the reader has to perform and has to face the confrontation from fans/paparazzi? Not to mention Tyler’s reaction himself to the news. 😙

The Good Morning Show - Tyler Joseph x Singer!Reader

Warnings: none :)

Word Count: 1691

A/N: Hope you enjoy this! Sorry it took so long!!

I was nervous. Not the usual pre-show jitters—this was something else. Evan and I were about to do a live interview on one of our favorite morning shows, and he’d been acting weird all morning. We’d been watching the Good Morning show since our high school days and finally we’d become popular enough to be invited to talk to the hosts about our new project. 

“Please welcome… ‘Self Titled’!” I heard the female voice cue us to walk onto the stage as Evan stepped forward. The bright beaming stage lights shone into my eyes as I could make out the live audience in front of us. I took a deep breath, feeling the warm air of the studio’s attempt to suffocate me as the sound of applause surrounded us. Evan, as usual, was all smiles and handshakes, waving to the crowd like he was born to be on this stage. Meanwhile, I could feel my heart pounding, the combination of excitement and a growing sense of panic–the worry of saying the wrong thing looming over me. Something about the way Evan had been acting all morning, like he was sitting on a big secret, had me more than a little on edge.

We took our seats, and the hosts, Amanda and Jay, greeted us with bright, welcoming smiles.

“So, we’ve got Self Titled with us this morning!” Amanda said, and the audience applauded again. “You guys have had quite a rise to fame. I mean, just two years ago, you were performing in basements, and now you’re here, releasing your second album and starting a world tour. How’s that been for you?”

Evan jumped right in, as usual. “It’s been unreal,” he said, flashing that effortless grin of his. “Honestly, every day feels like a dream. We’re so grateful to everyone who’s been with us from the start.”

I nodded, managing to calm my nerves as I chimed in. “It’s crazy. Sometimes we still feel like high school kids sneaking out to watch shows. Being here on this stage, with you guys, feels like a full-circle moment for us.”

Jay smiled. “Well, I think it’s safe to say your fans are thrilled you’re here, too.” He glanced at his notes, his eyes twinkling with the next question. “Now, speaking of fans… let’s get a little personal, shall we?”

My stomach dropped. I knew that look. This was going somewhere I probably wouldn’t like.

“Oh, we’re going there?” Evan asked, giving the audience a playful wink. “Alright, let’s go there.”

I shot him a warning look, trying to keep it subtle, but he completely ignored me.

Amanda leaned forward, eyes glinting with that same mischief. “We’ve been hearing rumors that you’re a huge fan of twenty one pilots. Any truth to that?”

I let out an awkward laugh, trying to play it off. “Uh, I mean… I kind of grew up going to their shows with Evan. But I think we’re both more focused on the music than anything else, to be honest.”

“Right, music,” Evan said, dragging out the word in a way that made me want to shove him off his chair. “But, you know… everyone’s got their favorite artists. Especially if they’re crushes too.”

“Yeah, I mean, there’s nothing wrong with admiring other musicians,” I said, trying to steer the conversation away.

Amanda raised an eyebrow, leaning into her mic. “Well, come on, spill the tea! Any names? Someone you’d fangirl over if you met them backstage?”

I swallowed hard. This was not happening. I shook my head, laughing nervously. “Nah, nothing like that. We’re just—”

But Evan wasn’t about to let me off the hook. “Oh, come on Y/N,” he interrupted, and the crowd immediately buzzed with excitement. I shot him a glare, but he just grinned, ignoring my silent pleas to keep his mouth shut.

“Oh, do tell!” Amanda leaned in, looking as eager as the crowd.

“Yeah, don’t keep us hanging, Evan,” Jay added, chuckling.

Evan turned to me with a mischievous glint in his eye. “She’s gonna kill me for this,” he said to the audience, who laughed in response. Then, before I could even process it, he dropped the bomb. “She’s got a huge crush on Tyler Joseph.”

The words seemed to hang in the air, suspended in the split second of stunned silence before the crowd erupted. Some people gasped, others cheered, and I could feel my face burning as if I’d just stepped under a spotlight I couldn’t escape from.

Amanda laughed, clapping her hands. “Tyler Joseph from twenty one pilots? Really? I guess you weren’t kidding about being a fan.”

I tried to laugh it off, looking everywhere but at Evan. “Oh my God, Evan, are you serious?” I muttered, my voice barely hiding my panic. “You did not just do that.”

“Oh, come on,” he said, shrugging with a playful smile. “I’m just saying what everyone else already knows.”

The audience was buzzing, and Amanda leaned forward, looking intrigued. “So, it’s true? You’re a fan?”

“Well, yeah, of course I’m a fan,” I said, still trying to play it cool, but the embarrassment was pouring out of me. “I mean, who isn’t? Their music is incredible.”

Evan smirked. “Fan doesn’t even cover it.”

I groaned, burying my face in my hands as the crowd laughed. I was praying for a quick subject change, but Amanda seemed to be having way too much fun with this.

“So, if Tyler’s watching right now…” she started, her eyes twinkling.

“He’s definitely not watching right now,” I chuckled nervously, shaking my head.

She ignored me, gesturing to the camera. “Tyler, if you’re out there, looks like you’ve got an admirer,” she said, pointing to me as the crowd cheered.

I forced another laugh, my face burning so much I was convinced I’d walk out with a sunburn. Evan just leaned back, thoroughly enjoying himself, and I resisted every urge to smack that smirk off his face.

The interview wrapped up not long after that, thankfully, and I all but dragged Evan offstage the second we were done. As soon as we were out of earshot of the crew, I rounded on him.

“Are you kidding me? What the fuck was that?” I whispered harshly.

He just shrugged, unbothered. “Come on, it’s no big deal. So what if people know? Now you’ll have all these fans rooting for you.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Rooting for what? A fictional love story between me and a guy I’ve never even met?”

“Hey, just think of it as… putting it out into the universe,” he said, patting me on the back. “Maybe Tyler will see it and think, ‘Oh, she seems cool.’”

“Or he’ll think I’m a total creep,” I muttered, already regretting everything. But the damage was done.

And, as it turned out, the next day proved that “putting it out into the universe” was a recipe for chaos.

When I left the hotel the next morning, I was greeted by a swarm of fans and paparazzi, all shouting questions at me.

“So, Tyler Joseph, huh?”

“What do you like about him?”

“Think he’ll respond?”

I kept my head down, muttering a few awkward “Thank yous” as I navigated through the crowd. I thought maybe the frenzy would die down after the initial buzz, but I was wrong. When I finally got back to the quiet of the van, I checked my phone to find a storm of notifications.

My notifications were an absolute mess: tags, texts, a mountain of DMs—more than I’d ever seen. I tapped the top one, bracing myself, and that’s when I saw it: Tyler Joseph had posted a video, watching our interview.

He was sitting in what looked like his living room, laughing as the clip played on his phone. I cringed watching it again, hearing Evan’s words. Tyler paused the video after my panicked reaction, chuckling and saying, “Oh my gosh, they’ve heard of us,” with a large, excited smile. He shook his head, clearly a little stunned. “But hey, Y/N, I think you’re cool too! You should hit me up” He ended it with a quick, winking thumbs-up before signing off, “Can’t wait to see what you’re working on next!”

I could barely process the video before I noticed another notification beneath it—a private message. From Tyler Joseph.

Tyler J:Hey, just saw the interview clip. Your friend really threw you in there, huh? If it makes you feel any better, I’ve definitely been there. You seemed super chill about it though! And honestly, I think you’re cute too.

My breath caught in my throat. Did Tyler Joseph just call me cute? My cheeks flushed as I continued to read.

Tyler J:I’ve been to a few of your shows before, by the way. You’re incredibly talented. I think we should definitely work together sometime! Let me know if you’re interested.

I felt like I was floating. Tyler had seen us live? My mind raced with possibilities.

Me:Wow, really? Thanks! That means a lot coming from you. I’d love to work together!

After a moment of hesitation, I decided to take the plunge.

Me:So, about that "hitting you up" thing... Are you free sometime? Maybe we could grab coffee or something?

I hit send, my heart pounding. A million thoughts swirled in my head. What if he didn’t want to meet up? What if I was reading too much into this? I stared at my screen, willing it to light up again with his response.

Tyler J:That sounds great! How about next Tuesday? I’m in town, and I’d love to hear what you’re working on and just chat.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Next Tuesday? It felt like a dream.

Me:Perfect! I’ll have Evan come along too; you can meet him and we can all hang out.

Tyler J:Maybe it could be just us? I’d love to get to know you better :)

My excitement was practically bursting. I couldn’t help but grin at my phone.

Me:Yeah! Definitely we can do that. Looking forward to it :)

And that was that. 

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[gayhoediaz]

transcript:

you know what i just heard? i heard that - that republicans are - are really upset… that - that we - that we call ‘em weird.

motherfucker, you guys are weird. you - you know that, right? all these flags, and the bumper stickers, and the fucking parades, and the boats, and the cars, and the truck nuts. like… you guys are fucking weird.

i don’t have a flag on my house that says “chad from accounting” because chad works for me. chad - we just hired chad to do a job, just like our politicians, we don’t worship politicians. you guys are fucking weird.

we don’t - we don’t buy their NFTs, we don’t - we don’t buy their trading cards. [laughs] you fucking weirdos.

all this worshipping is just wack-a-doodle, man. it’s just - it’s just fucking weird.

[beginning of sentence cut off] …politicians is just like, it’s just some people we hired, and - to do some work for us, to try and improve the country, try to improve the lives of the majority of the country. that’s who - that’s who we view politicians as.

you guys are talking about weird ass, you know, you got pizza gate. remember pizza gate? you guys thought there was a fucking child sex ring in the fucking basement of a pizza parlor in new york that didn’t have a fucking basement? and there was like - it was like jade helm 15, remember that? and then there was like 16 and 17 ‘cause it just never fucking happened, so you just kept changing the fucking year? remember that? you guys thought, like, we were all gonna get put in like fucking fema camps?

yall are legitimately weird, and yes, i am double fisted tonight. [shows a drink in either hand]. but that’s just - that’s just the way it goes, i have to be. because you guys make - make us drink. you realize, like… you make us drink. you stress us the fuck out.

like, i don’t wanna have to be sitting around, worrying about the end of american democracy. but here i am - sitting here, fucking worried about it, because you guys are bat-shit nuts.

so yeah, ya - ya are fucking weird. ya got - ya got a vice president that has a relationship with his love-seat.

the weirdest fucking thing is the guy you chose to be your fucking big, masculine, big, bad-ass hero is a guy that spraypaints himself orange, wears fucking heels, and bleaches his fucking hair piss-blonde. that’s your guy.

[takes a drink]

you goofy fucks.

[takes another drink]

look, guys, in the end, you guys used to be cowboys. you used to be the cool guys. alright? but now, you’re all fucking nerds. you’re - you’re all just a bunch of fucking nerds, man.

you wonder why women don’t wanna fuck you, it’s because you keep trying to take all their fucking rights away. you’re just a bunch of fucking nerds, man. you wonder why hispanics and latinos don’t wanna vote for you, it’s because you wanna fucking put their kids in cages. and you wonder why gays and lesbians and the gay community don’t wanna vote for you, it’s because you’re all fucking assholes and you wanna take away their right to marry each other. you just don’t believe in this liberty and justice - for all. for all.

fucking weird, man.

you wrap yourself in the constitution, but you really don’t believe in the constitution. you really don’t even know what the fuck is in it, do ya? you’re just fucking weird. ya made it weird.

[takes a drink]

and what i love the most about this for you fuckers - is that in november, you guys are going to get beat. by a beautiful, smart, accomplished, black woman.

[navire190413]

haha i got drunk and wrote like 2,000 words about my experience with learning japanese. read it sober and just sat in front of my computer like 😐

you know when old people talk a lot and sometimes its hard to tell if they’re trying to pass on wisdom or are just kind of full of themselves and want to talk about themselves? what i wrote was definitely the latter. i’m just an おじいさん who wants to drink and smoke and talk about myself and my hard work lol

one of my favorite 居酒屋 to visit on my way home from work is closing for good this weekend. its open 24/7 so it was always great for stopping by after drinking at the bar until morning. their squid and shrimp 串カツ are soooo good. i’m actually here now typing this on my phone. this izakaya is in a basement so i don’t have signal. i just end up scrolling through my photos or blogging in my notes while sitting here alone for an hour until my favorite bar opens at 7.

the last time i came here a server ive become acquainted with hit on me, and i didn’t pick up on it at all, so my reaction was kind of dull. i only realized he was hitting on me when he turned around and all the other servers were laughing at him bc they were all eavesdropping. he probably mentioned he was gonna do it beforehand haha. i’m so sorry. i would be totally down to grab drinks if i realized sooner 😂

he always makes me turn around and show him my backpiece when im wearing tanktops and croptops. and hes always basically yelling カッコいい！！its cute how not normal tattoos are here. i would never get these reactions in america but sometimes it can be annoying. yes yes i have a lot of tattoos. yes. expensive. yes painful. and then they find out about my scarification, which honestly most people in the states have also never seen, so then its a weird balance of explaining my love for body modification and not self mutilation.

money has gotten TIGHT lately. im literally courting my ex and bringing him to izakayas and nice restaurants every week and im going broke from it so i gotta stop hahaha. we did have a really good time last night, though. and hes always really grateful and respectful when im paying. he also initiated a lot of kisses and kept kissing my cheeks last night which was weird and not like him at all. im not gonna think about it anymore tho.

i am super excited about where we’re going on saturday. its an 青森県 restaurant and i guess they get fish delivered daily from there, so i hope its super fresh and tasty 😤. i unfortunately booked too late and couldnt get a private room, but i think sitting at the counter will be nice since we’re doing the all-you-can-drink course and itll be faster to get our drinks if we’re not in a secluded room.

my go-to drink for the past 2 years living here has always been highballs, but lately theyre way too strong for me. ive become obsessed with lemon sours, but because its not whiskey in them like highballs i become drunk super super fast. good for cost performance purposes but dangerous since im used to my highball drinking pace. i usually dont black out if i only drink for 2-3 hours on a work night but the other day i drank my usual amount, just this time they were lemon sours and not highballs. i was on the verge of blacking out returning home at only 9pm on a monday 😂

i can’t stop thinking about the guy who asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago. he’s american and he’s nice enough, but he’s been living in japan for over a year and cant even say すみません to get a server’s attention. he also doesnt eat meat, so i cant introduce him to yakiniku and yakitori which are my go-to. everytime we hungout i had to translate everything and guide him around tokyo. i brought him to an izakaya for his first time and had to teach him the words for squid and octopus. which he promptly forgot 2 minutes later. its literally taco and ika!!! we got lost in a department store one time and i had to ask for directions while he just stood there. it always felt like i was with a child who knew nothing when we were together. as friends, im more than happy to introduce tokyo and translate. but as someone who was obviously trying to be appealing to me, it was honestly a massive ick. i have no preference when it comes to what ethnicity or cultural background someone is, but i cant date someone who knows less about japan than me. it was a good realization actually! i always say i dont have a type, but i think im slowly starting to realize my type. he doesnt have friends so he would always say “lets go out and explore tokyo together!”dude i have been experiencing tokyo for 2 years. i have my favourite spots and my favourite neighborhoods and i know how to find good restaurants and i regularly go out and just do shit by myself because i can navigate it by myself. he also was expecting me to teach him japanese which was just soooo….

when you get to a level where you’ve lived somewhere long enough and can speak the language a lot of people expect you to be a free tour guide. when it comes to strictly friends with no expectation of me, im more than happy to plan a day of sightseeing and introductions but sometimes when i make friends with foreigners it feels like that’s all they want out of me. i mean it goes both ways. a lot of japanese men just view me as a fetish object. omg a white girl who i can actually speak to!!! maybe she can teach me english!!! ive never fucked a 6 foot tall white girl with tattoos!!!

for my established friends, i happily translate stuff for them and give them english lessons but man it feels like theres a lot of expectations of me meeting people here. from foreigners and native japanese people.

i have a lot of foreign friends who have lived here longer than me and dont speak a lick of japanese and dont have any plans on learning. i dont really feel one way or the other about it. theyve been here long enough and know they can get around and have fun without knowing the language. i cant imagine how tough that is sometimes so more power to them. but its always the people complaining they want to learn and want to understand and communicate but still for some reason just dont sit down and study or make an effort to make japanese friends so they can atleast pick up conversational japanese that i dont understand. why are you not studying???? sure its hard but just do it??? you dont even have to use textbooks. apps kind of suck once you get past the basics but its at least something you can do while riding the train and then atleast i wouldnt have to order for you at the bar after youve been living here for several months!!!

im a princess and a brat and am obsessive so studying is super easy for me. i studying during my lunch breaks and anytime im riding the train. i understand thats not the case for everyone, so i try to take the time to teach my friends who want to learn japanese important phrases for day to day life. maybe textbooks and studying isnt their thing, which is fine. okay i’ll teach you as we go. but even then they dont retain anything 😂 dont complain to me about not being able to speak japanese if you’re not going to put in a little bit of effort to atleast order a beer by yourself!!!! and if youre over thinking the difference between ください and お願いします before you can even say [名前]と申します, youre thinking too much!!!!! japanese is hard. theres a lot of info. if you start getting into super specific japanese before you can do self introductions, its gonna be a long long road. so im super happy i learned japanese in america where i went textbook step by step instead of being surrounded by confusing japanese all day long. when i try to teach my friends japanese they always somehow ask me about n2 grammar. and its just like. stop. ignore that. that does NOT have anything to do with you at this time. i was N2 before N3 grammar even made sense to me (i did get full points on n3 test despite none of it making sense to me though 😂) because i finally had context for it and could make the connections. without those building blocks and going step by step id be lost. and thats why you should study the language before coming to a foreign country.

god im judgmental.

[longlegs-confess]

. ya know how oz perkins said that this movie is about how his mom kept the secret that his dad was gay and died of AIDS related illness from him and his siblings. well I still don't know who in this scenario is the "gay dad". and like there's the obvious parallel with Ruth keeping it all a secret from lee but like which part is The secret? is it "oh there's a guy who lives in our basement"? is it Satan? is it that they kill people? which part of this is the allegory for having a secretly gay dad? no matter which one you choose it kind of starts being homophobic.

and like I get it! the feelings regarding being born to parents that didn't actually want you are weird. I was born specifically because the baby my parents were pregnant with before me was a stillbirth and if situations were different I wouldn't be here. like that's kind of how I assume he feels on the topic. like "if my dad got to be himself I wouldn't be here. :|" and it's horrible and I hope he doesn't have those feelings.

but regardless I think the allegory could have been a little better rounded. or at least work shopped a bit more.

!!!!!

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2023 Day 13

Nightmares or Visions

I think this prompt was very fitting for Nathan, giving that he canonically has horrific nightmares and haunting visions.

However, it is my belief that Toki has recurring nightmares as well, given his whole character, you know? And I wanted to write a little about it for today so...have a little Toki nightmare for this lovely Friday the 13th <3

Toki entered the living room and saw Skwisgaar was already sitting there. He hadn’t been noticed, though, as Skwisgaar’s back was to him, probably busy with the guitar. He started walking towards him.

“Hey, Skwisgaar!”

Apparently not having heard, Skwisgaar didn’t turn to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, Skwisgaar could get lost with the instrument.

Toki tried again. “Skwisgaar!”

Still nothing. Okay, a bit weird, however…

“Skwisgaar?”

After the third time of being ignored, Toki grabbed Skwisgaar’s shoulder with exasperation. “Heys.”

When Skwisgaar finally turned to him, Toki realized he wasn’t alone. Beside him, there was…

A monkey?!

“Oh, heys, Toke.” Skwisgaar seemed almost bored by the sight of him. “Meets Mr. Giggle.” He pointed at the animal sitting by his side. “He ams our news rhythms guitarists.”

Toki did a double take, wondering if he had misheard. “Whats?!”

The monkey waved at him with a grin. He had a Gibson Flying V on his lap, the same guitar Toki used, and wore a black bowtie on his hairy neck.

“He ams much mores disciplined and responsibkles d’an yous.” Skwisgaar explained, impassive. “And he alsos very funnies.” As if to demonstrate, the animal put the guitar on his head and started juggling with red balls, while carefully maintaining his balance.

Sighing, Toki looked at Skwisgaar. “Looks, Skwisgaar, if dis ams some kinds of jokes, I gets it, okays? Alls do betters-”

“Jokes?” Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow, as if insulted. “Dis amsnt a joke, Toki. The bands has discussed dis and we agreeds that he ams da best for Dethklok’s futores.”

“You ams lying!” Toki yelled. He fucking hated when Skwisgaar tried to freak him out. “I bets dat monkeys can’t plays guitar!”

Skwisgaar shook his head like Toki had disappointed him. “Soes arrosgant, as always.” Then, he turned to the monkey. “Shows dis little dildos, Mr. Giggle.”

Immediately, the creature started shredding like a maniac, then went on to play a solo that sounded like the kind of stuff Skwisgaar came up with. The speed and agility of his fingers was terrifying, not even in his best days had Toki been that good. 

Defeated, Toki fell to his knees. “Dis ams impossibles…”

“He ams a chimpanskees, by the ways.” Skwisgaar added, grimacing at Toki on the floor. “Comes here, you goofballs.”

Toki raised his eyes to see Mr. Giggles jump on Skwisgaar’s lap excitedly. Skwisgaar petted his head fondly. “Who ams da best rhythms guitarists in da worlds?” He cooed affectionately.

The chimpanzee barked, thumping his chest proudly. 

“Oh, look, it’s Mr. Giggles!” Pickles walked into the room, joined by Nathan and Murderface. “Aw, dood, he has a lil’ bow!” He pointed out with a smile. 

“You likes it?” Skwisgaar asked, elated. “I pickeds it especially for him.”

“It’s fucking brutal.” Nathan commented.

“That guy schure knowsch how to rock.” Even Murderface agreed. None of them spared a glance at Toki, like he wasn’t even there.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he turned to see who it was, Charles was giving him his usual emotionless look. “We put all your stuff in boxes.” Two Klokateers holding several boxes were behind him. “And I, uh, took the liberty to call a cab for you.” 

“Yous kicking me out?!” Toki screeched, standing up. The guys kept playing with Mr. Giggles next to him, completely unbothered by the commotion.

Charles gestured at some Klokateers by the door, moving furniture, clothes and decorations. “Mr. Giggles needs, uh, space for all his possessions. I’m afraid you no longer have a room.”

“Alls stay in de basements!” Toki clasped his hands together, pleading. “Please, don’ts kicks me out! I has nowheres to go!”

Moderately concerned, Charles put a hand on his chin. “I guess you could turn into a Klokateer. But, the…the conditions are gonna be harsh, Toki.” He stared at him with his cold robot eyes. “Are you sure you can take it? There are no second chances.”

Toki swallowed heavily. He imagined himself doing Pickles’ laundry, stained in vomit, pee and substances. Cleaning Skwisgaar’s room after a busy night, the smell of sex in the air, his monstrous seed all over the sheets and pungent underwear scattered across the floor.  Washing Murderface’s disgusting feet and accidentally bursting its blisters, a mix of blood and pus dripping on his fingers. Throwing Nathan’s garbage after a night of spicy food and way too many chips. God, he didn’t want to work for these assholes.

He turned to look at Skwisgaar. The guy was playing with Mr. Giggles, tickling him and laughing. “Skwisgaar, please…” He got on his knees, ready to beg. “Alls do anythings, just let me stay in da bands, please!”

Skwisgaar side-eyed at Toki coldly, stopping the frolicking. The chimpanzee snarled at him while holding onto Skwisgaar possessively. “Why can’ts you accekpts dat it ams over, Toki?” He asked, stroking Mr. Giggles’ back while glancing at Toki like he was some pathetic creature or something.

“Because I don’ts wants to be replaced by a fucking monkeys!” Toki shouted, momentarily losing control. He winced at himself. “Sorries…”

“Gets up, Toki.” Skwisgaar said and he had no choice but to obey. Nathan, Pickles and Murderface were now paying attention to the exchange. An evil smirk spread across Skwisgaar’s face and Toki had a bad feeling in his gut. “I hereby perform citizens band-firing…” The chimpanzee nodded maniacally with his words. “Effective…..now!”

The walls of the house, of the universe even, cracked. “No!” Toki cried out in despair, losing his balance and falling backwards. The cracks were revealing black voids in between, slowly unraveling the fabric of Toki’s world. “No!” He cried out again.

Unbothered, Skwisgaar turned to his new pet lovingly. “Oh, and Mr. Giggle.” He said. “You can gets a solo.”

Toki himself felt his own body cracking in half. “Nooooo!!” He screamed, the last thing he saw being the ugly animal and Skwisgaar entangled in a passionate embrace. 

“Ahh!!” He woke up, drenched in sweat and fear.

Startled by the noise, Skwisgaar and his guitar jolted next to him. “Da fucks, Toki?!” He asked, visibly annoyed.

It took Toki a few seconds to understand where he was. The living room again? “Wh-Where ams Mr. Giggle?!” He asked. “Don’t replaces me with a monkeys!” He grabbed Skwisgaar by the neckline of his shirt and shook him.

“L-Lets goes off me, idiots!” Skwisgaar tried to push him away to no avail.

“Don’t replaces me with a fucking monkeys!”

“What da fucks ams you saying?!”

“Alls does anythings, I swears!”

“Gets off me, Toki!”