#that we still think on them fondly

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Had a dream about Tra last night. It was a good dream. A nice dream. In it we just laid in the same bed curled up by ourselves but facing each other and slept, hung out in a room that was his again and spent some time. In the dream he smoked and I shared some cigarettes or had some too - but they were rollies, not the tailors he used to smoke.

He looked the way he looked when I knew him then, nearly a decade ago now; because of course memory stops at the frontier of reality. I'm getting sentimental now probably, but - just as beautiful.

The room was doused and drowsed in purple, violet light, dim and cozy - the kind of colour that Ta-Ku album cover I have tattooed on my thigh is in hue, matching.

And we talked and smoked and then we turned the lights out and I came back into the room and we laid next to each other in bed and just stayed like that.

And I wanted to touch him, and I didn't. And he didn't touch me either, and we just stayed like that, falling asleep.

And really it's that exact photo I put on the cover of that chapbook I never put anywhere except sent to him and never finished, on the tram and it's blurry, he's blurry, his face, and the whole thing is - his face. And it's one of those moments you're just struck by someone's beauty the way you're struck by any kind of beauty, really, like watching a natural phenomenon like the night auroras in the sky. And I don't know why we've got the word lovestruck but not the word beautystruck, because there are those moments in life you're looking at someone - or something, but most inanimate things are less wont to actively move, unless it's something like the sky - and the moment moves, is about to pass, and indeed moves to pass, but in that fraction of a second, it's struck itself into you, your memory, by the moving of you instead.

I guess this is because the other day someone reblogged an old picture of me from when the watercolour tattoo on my inner right arm was still vibrant and fresh - it's faded to nearly not quite being there any more, an echo that's still trailing - and I noticed it; had been noticing recently how much it's faded. And it was that Flume song set to the colour of that sunrise sky on the train out in Horten against which that backdrop of the dates, and really I never realised it before, that I'd done that in tattoo context translated and pinned, or maybe I'd just forgotten by now what I had done with intention then (although I think I would have remembered doing this intentionally. I was too poetic at the time not to have done). But I'd also only realised this again just now, after seeing the zips and flashes of the tattoo next to it, too, and vaguely thinking then that it was to do with a Flume song. (It isn't/wasn't, it's for a Terranova track.)

But I've been thinking and I think that maybe purple is the colour of that lingering sky, in transition and out of reach, but so brilliant and drawing and stunningly visible, and reachable in that single sense, that you may witness it, and be in its presence - what I mean to say is, I think purple, for me, is the colour of all that warm longing, and the beauty of it - having and not possessing. Solnit said that blue is the colour of distance and yearning, and maybe that's true, but for me, I think that warm lavender haze of sunsets when the sky goes brilliant and the flowers bloom in the lavender fields, and the waking up sunrise when the changeover comes, and night turns day or day turns to night, that colour of transition and passing brilliance, but so warm - that that, for me, is where and what I am. In that in-betweenness, where really where we all are, in this life that is fleeting and transitory, and ephemeral.

Like that blurry photo. Or really, all blurry photos then, one might say. (Perhaps that's why husband likes them so much? Without necessary knowing it. Or the way K hated posed pictures; as unnatural, and by that proxy, almost or even unreal.) Some clearer than others, but by nature most encompassed by the blurriness - subject in motion, the moment passing, fleeting and fleeing and faster than you can catch when you reach out your hand to.

And I woke up today and went to seek out Fleetwood Mac's Dreams to listen to in the morning, on my way to work - and I've never sought out a Fleetwood Mac song to listen to of my own accord this far into my life until now - and you could attribute that to the .gif or screenshot set I saw yesterday of Stevie Nicks singing the first verse of the song, which would be true, but you could also maybe also say that all of this converged and formed a confluence all at once leading to the dream; these dreams.

And I'm singing again for the first time in what feels like ages; and I feel like I'm remembering what dreaming feels like, the day backed by the sound of dreams, where I'd stopped listening to music in the day, dreaming in my days. The days so stripped of dreaming that they lay out stark and sharp-lined, 2D; only a list of things to do and the day so itself and nothing else, no dreams - to sell or dream in, just tasks, and reactions, and tiredness, the colouring out, leaking saturation.

But really what I wanted to say is - how nice to think back on someone with love. The purple haze is warm.

[lightasthesun]

if Filoni kills Cody and Obi-Wan lives 20 years in a desert thinking Cody betrayed him I will actually throw myself off a cliff

[rotisseries]

tired of people who want pjo movie references in the disney+ show. "logan lerman should've been-" i don’t care. "poker face in the casino-" actually i hope ms. gaga keeps her entire discography miles away from it. i don't care move on

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i need to share the absolute fucking Experience i had playing minecraft tonight. i'm gonna be emotional about it for days

so me and my friends like to play on this server that's pretty much just a bunch of minigames. one of them is Murder Mystery - of a group of - i think its 13/14 people - one person is randomly selected as the murderer (spawns with a sword), the other as the sheriff (spawns with a bow). the rest are innocent. the innocents can gain a bow by collecting coins. no one knows anyone's status unless the player shows their sword/bow. i'm doing a quest where, in order to get points, i need to kill the murderer.

so as the game start countdown begins, me and my pal are checking out this Red Link skin. it's pretty neat! we're all crouching and punching at each other, as one does. i feel a connection form with Red Link. we're buddies now. we're in this together.

so we're all running around the map. every time i see Red Link, we crouch and punch at each other. the game is going fine, we're having fun. i'm delighted that i've made a one-game friend.

then my friend says that Red Link is the murderer, and i literally have a hard time believing it. Red Link? my Red Link? no, they must be mistaken. we were together at the start. they had ample opportunities to kill me. it can't be Red Link. but whoever the murderer killed was the sheriff, and i needed to complete the quest - picking up the sheriff tombstone grants me the bow.

so i run, trying to find it, and i turn the corner.

there Red Link was, standing at the end of the hall, by the tombstone, with a sword in hand. i froze. i was so upset - not Red Link! not my dear companion! i was so sure that was it.

but i walked forward anyway, thinking that maybe if i dodged around them, grabbed the bow, and turned and shot fast enough, i could get them. the thought was actually distressing! Red Link didn't put the sword away. they watched me slowly approach. we stood on either side of the tombstone, and i expected Red Link to cut me down. i was well within reach of their sword.

Red Link calmly, still looking at me, moved to the side and past me. i panicked and grabbed the bow, ran to the corner, turned and drew - Red Link was already at the other end of the hall, running away. i didn't want to shoot, but i needed the kill - who knows when i'd get an opportunity to complete the quest again. it's a tough one.

i missed, thank fuck, but man. i was in shock. i thought i was a goner.

then, after the game where awards are given - the murderer, who killed them, who collected the most coins - i went up to Red Link and crouched. they crouched back.

then they left the game.

[bunnyboy-juice]

my best friend just told me she's gonna show me her regular ass grocery order when she gets home and i seriously cheered as if she said she was coming over Right Now

[rexscanonwife]

Happy Mexican heritage day, by the way! Thanks to my whitewashed-ass mom I didn't grow up with that much of the culture, but I'm proud to be a part of it nonetheless!! 💖🇲🇽💖🇲🇽💖🇲🇽💖🇲🇽💖🇲🇽💖

To celebrate I'm gonna imagine showing my f/os things from Mexican culture where applicable > u <

[mifithemuffin]

i swear seeing the same 5 nicknames in the kudos list of every ao3 fic you read must be the modern day equivalent of noticing the same names in the library book cards. yeah we've never talked. you're probably only partially aware i exist and yet i'd recognize you anywhere. our sense of shared camaraderie is as deep as if we've known each other in previous lives. you were there at every turn i took.

[mayomkun]

Finally done with teen wolf rewatch. Phew

[sillygrossgirl]

Feel incredibly lonely and also like it's all my fault even though it's not. I mean, if i don't stand up for myself then i lose myself and if i do then apparently i just end up alone.

I think i just genuinely have had bad luck with my friends. I need to be more selective and intentional with the connections i form with others. I have been for the most part

[definitelynotshouting]

on average how many DMs and recursive fics would you say it takes to be properly friends im painstakingly deliberating between raspberry and emerald. they don't teach u this in high school see all i know about is mitochondria powerhouse cell. anyway if we're not friends yet then raspberry and also let's brainstorm things together because mustard mustard mustard mustard -nixie

tell me what colour ask game

Your honor if u write me a recursive fic and we dm we have formed an UNSHAKEABLE WARRIOR'S BOND okay we are WELL past raspberry point and you are so so welcome to brainstorm with me at ANY TIME

This is me crawling back into ur dms btw

[mejomonster]

On a serious note, I do feel mysterious case lotusbook has a lot of sincere themes about getting older, realities of responsibility and dreams realized, how it's difficult to succeed and not always the direct path one expects, how there's value in little aspects of life. Almost every li lianhua scene seems to be about that to some degree. The murder cases aren't particularly deep as far as super complicated to figure out or Able to be predicted super well (since they don't always give all the details in the initial setup), but the themes about who was killed and why do connect to li lianhuas situation.

[femmesandhoney]

just got hit with a wave of nostalgic sadness. congratulated an old friend of mine on their graduation and they replied a simple reply just a ty gabby but it made me so emotional i haven't heard them say my name in years now and just reading it i could hear it in their voice and it made me nearly tear up

[kurthorton]

missing them (the people i briefly wrote with around 2017 and have since lost all contact with)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ough i wanna draw so bad but my arms are virtually Unusable... too much lifting and hauling... in other news i felt True and Intense Pining today for the soft, delightful, tiny pig beanie baby in a diner gift shop. she was a wonderful pink with a lovely purple nose...

[mizulekitten]

I love the Case of the Two Dead Dragons ep for a lot of reasons, but the scene where they're talking to Twitchy Richie, like when they first start to mess with him is just so... perfect. Like the way Charles steps up and says "Ooh, try it, mate," his crossed arms coming down. And in the following scene when it shows just Richie & Crystal it's like "What's he going to do omg."

Except Crystal tilts her head with the stupid lighter in her face and it's Edwin that goes "Don't mind if I do." And Charles just looks so enamored and Crystal and Edwin are both so pleased with themselves.

I don't know. It's just the way they're working in tandem with each other for once. Not just with one another, but exactly in step. Crystal knew, without a word, that they'd play along. Edwin could've just let Charles do his thing, especially after what he said, after knowing they kissed (even if they broke things off right after). But it's like... Crystal is a part of their team now. He may not be super close to her yet, but they're both bitches /pos that of course this is the moment they fall in step. It's a shared trait that they were using to hurt and annoy each other, but now it's a bonding moment, a crossing of that divide between them.

So of course Charles lets them have their little moment and is so happy to do so. Whether it's queerplatonic or romantic, this is his best mate for 30 years and his new best friend. He knows they'd get along in their own way if they got through it. And here they are.

Perfect sync, not just Charles and Edwin, but Charles, Edwin, and Crystal.

[mymelodyisme]

Back in university I tried to get into makeup because I wanted to feel pretty and feel as if I were trying, ya know!!! Boost the self esteem!! But mostly because everyone around me wore makeup and I felt like I wasn’t progressing enough?? I has a HUGE aversion to makeup being put on my face by family and I didn’t like the way it felt. But I wanted to try cause I was getting older and again ✨insecure.✨ And my cousin tried to help me buy stuff but she only took me into the store and told me to pick stuff out. The issue she didn’t seem to understand was I didn’t know how to start.

I’d seen a few videos of beauty gurus doing very beautiful makeup but the first step always confused me and I didn’t WANT a super fun unique style I just wanted to be done up a little so I wouldn’t be lost when I had to do it in the future. I left with maybe a lipstick or two and gold eyeshadow. 🥹 she seemed so irritated with me and I felt so bad.

So the first time I wore the eyeshadow I didn’t know how to apply it and I just smeared it on my eyelids because who was going to show me. 😭 and i felt like I was being stared at the whole day. Eventually I wiped it off out of embarrassment and also because I didn’t want my mom to know. I felt like she’d tease me for NOW wanting to try makeup when I claimed to hate it so much before. I snuck it into a drawer in the bathroom. It was eventually found by my sister who asked where it came from but when she never received an answer she kept it 🥹

And similarly, the two lipsticks I bought. I carried them in my backpack because I didn’t know where else to keep them. I fell in love with this dull pinkishy shade. I always applied it at school and took it off before going home. Sometimes I’d reapply it in the bathrooms in the science (math) building and honestly!!! I felt beautiful!!!!! Except I still didn’t like how it felt too much when I applied it bleh, and I felt like people were judging me for not applying it well. 🥺 eventually those too got tucked into the drawer and were found by my sister who was still confused by this lost makeup and decided to keep them.