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jacksprostate · 7 months

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Can you talk about how fight club is the story of a deeply closedeted gay man the wake of the aids crisis? How do his anxieties about hiv manifest?

yeah sure! i feel like i've talked about it in bits and pieces in a few different posts which I'll link here but I'll also type up a little summary. Not operating on 100% so forgive me if it's a bit all over the place.

On the narrator and Marla wrt sexuality

On the Lou scene of the movie

The central obvious joke yet not really comparison

Anyway so. I'm going to focus on the book as always but lots still generally applies to the movie and in the above links you can see a bit about the Lou scene from the movie if that's your interest.

So first I think it's important to acknowledge the narrator meets Tyler on an empty nude beach. This has a lot of connotations for a lot of reasons. Nude beaches/beaches in general have long been a gay male hookup spot. The beach is empty — it's the 90s. Many, many people have died. The narrator chose to go there — an interesting one. Stepping out of bounds a little only to be reminded of the constant threat, by how no one is there. He just watches Tyler do his thing, doesn't engage. He keeps his foot, with the AIDS-like rash on it, buried in the sand so he doesn't start dying in people's eyes (and presumably so if he ever got the gumption, he could tap it). Even if you assume the nude beach isn't specifically gay, all these things still apply, and it's still his idealized man he hallucinated all sweaty and tan.

Kind of discussed in the Marla related link above but he's like, horrifically repressed, even if he WAS straight. He can't imagine himself having sex. But when he has Tyler have straight sex (see above link for detailed thoughts on that), it's Marla he's jealous of. It is literally written that way. He is jealous of Marla stealing Tyler's attention and ruining the vibe they had with just the two of them.

Something, something, elaborate rituals for the touch of another man. Getting a big rubbery one in response to Bob. Arguably it's about him getting off on misery but it's not like it was written with regard to Chloe. And Chloe— amyl nitrite/poppers are commonly used in gay bathhouses and stuff. Used in straight sex too but yeah pretty common... Back to Bob though, this mimicry of closeness with another human being another man in particular, staring down the gun at a man who can't functional have sex like society expects him to anymore.

He invents a club that word for word could be swapped with gay sex for a large portion of its introduction. He is desperate for the touch of another man even if violence is the only way he can get it. Sex would be violence, in an age of being terrified of AIDS.

The constant underlying sharing of blood and spit and contaminating food etc. All these other ways HIV is spread. But at least it wouldn't be That way. If that's his destined way to die then at least it wouldn't be like that. Dark, but.

The fucking scene about his birthmark holy shit man. Essentially, the doctors thought his birthmark was a sign of, pretty much, Kaposi's sarcoma. The cancer overwhelmingly associated with AIDS, and he's a medical marvel. Because he'd be dying from an unknown horrific disease. Now he hides the birthmark, because that unknown disease is everywhere now. <-bastardization of a line from the book. And when people see that birthmark, he starts dying in their eyes. If he was openly gay in any fashion, he'd start dying in their eyes too. The same way.

There is, distinctly, a sense of a complete lack of actual functional future. There is a sense of complete lack of role models from the past.

The environmentalist turn even in this sense. The burden of history. He was not the one who spread the virus. There's a lot of deep, deep self hate and internalized homophobia in that. In the single time the narrator mentions gay men, too — as gay men wanting children being the cause for why all the single mothers in the clinic Marla goes to are dying of AIDS. But that's not true. Gay men, overwhelmingly, are not the reason it went from gay men to eventually reaching women. But what he repeats is part of the societal curse upon them, and what he repeats is a chastisement, look what happens when you dare desire anything. If you actually want to act on those perversions. You curse everything and everyone. Stay repressed, or you'll die and kill everyone.

He invents Tyler. "Perfectly handsome and an angel in his everything-blond way." He invents the perfect man, who also can never infect him. Who also pisses and spits in soups, god what a conundrum — society assumes you're evil, sick, and damned, but you're still their responsibility. How do they like it. I am not glamorizing the willful spread of disease lol I don't think it's ever a sane response but in fiction it hits that like... vindictive anguish.

Honestly, even the section I just mentioned. Where Tyler rants to the union boss. You don't actually give a single shit about me and better yet you probably hate the living shit out of me. But I am still your responsibility. You have sucked me dry til I have nothing to love, and you have everything. And the narrator says he says the same thing Tyler said, but about contaminated food. The parallels, with how that would apply to people with HIV, especially gay men. There is so, so much emphasis on the narrator's blood and how it gets all over the Pressman hotel's manager.

Fight Club, Project Mayhem — they're the designs of someone who doesn't expect to live long. The home of people who don't expect to live long. Whether that's because medical care is too expensive or because you catch a blood infection or because the cops shoot you.

And at the end, after everything has happened, after his manic pixie dream boy helped him martyr himself, what does he really get? Idk man. Drugs that will kill his sex drive. A deep fear of himself that now has evidence for how far he can fall. A deep disillusionment. No hate, but no love either. Still just empty, now knowing he has opened pandora's box, whether he intended to or not. He can't put it back. He tried.

Idk. something to be said about all that. Probably a lot more as well but that's just off the top of my head.

#asks #fight club #like. idk Tyler should probably make up a larger part of this post but anyway #its also like. theres just massive stuff that I kind of feel as a lesbian who also has repression issues where it's like yeahhhhh #I'm working out how to identify what those commonalities actually are but lmao #also i wrote this and just sort of assumed the inferences were obvious but if any bit is confusing i think you can generally assume #theres an implied sentence along the lines of “and this reflects the pressure and repression of gay men during and in the wake of AIDS”

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dustteller · 5 months

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Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esen’s current emotional state (he did very much kill Esen’s dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?

I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esen’s best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.

My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esen’s purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.

#she who became the sun #man i need to stop being like heyy ill just post smt quick just a few sentences and then I'll sleep #it always ends up as a shitty 3am essay #also i need to re-emphazise how much he did not feel bad about the murder portion of this.#and how he felt even less bad about having wbx take the blame.#in his mind they deserved it! chaghan for killing his fam and also being a dick #and wbx for being annoying and understanding him too much.#which btw is another great example of how ouyang views himself bc somebody else being like him at all is an execulate offense in his mind.#he wants both wbx and zhu dead the moment he realizes they're like him in some manner bc that's what he would want for himself.#even the crime of understanding him is sacrilege and means the person is irredeemably tainted in some manner.#which is why paradoxically he can be angry at esen for not understanding him but also have it be his fault.#bc Esen cannot understand him bc if he did then that would mean Esen is also tainted #and as we have established Esen is NOT tainted. he is immaculate. practically the virgin mary (but with more wives)#and if he IS tainted its Ouyang's fault too bc clearly he did not come that way these are ouyang-cooties #so its a GOOD thing esen can't understand him actually you guys #man. what a guy. someone should put him in a cetrifuge and distill some extra virgin self hate oil or whatevef #(only in main canon tho in the preorder reward it'd be eau de self hate or something i suppose)#also if u wanna laugh imagine a crossfaded ouyang explaining this train of thought to an equally xfaded (and very confused/worried) xu da #general ouyang #esen temur

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smorhe · 5 months

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Drew josuk8 in that one pose josuke does because i couldnt think if anything else and school-induced artblock is hitting hard right now

Anyways save me gappy but like in a platonic way

#how do you actually talk about gappy and josuke in the same sentence #im genuinly confused because whatever i can come up with sounds weird #bizarre even #jjba #jjba fanart #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo fanart #jjba part 8 #jojo part 8 #jjba jojolion #jojolion #jojolion fanart #josuke 8 #jjba gappy #gappy higashikata #jojo gappy

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onbearfeet · 5 months

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Met a new neighbor tonight, started talking about work.

Me: So yeah, I'm trying to work my way toward something more stable, especially because I have a queer nibling in Texas who might need a place to land.

Neighbor: NIBLING?

Me: Yes?

Neighbor: Is that one of your millennial words?

Me: (wondering what age I look rn because "millennial" sometimes means "kid" and it's too dark to see the gray in my hair) Not ... really? It's a gender-neutral term for, like, nieces and nephews. Like sibling, you know? If you have a brother and a sister, then you have siblings?

Neighbor: Yeah, but what's a nibling?

Me: In this case, it's one of my brother's kids. He has four of them.

Neighbor: ???

Me: One of them is ... kinda figuring some stuff out, gender-wise, so I'm using gender-neutral language for them until they ask me to use something different. Just giving them space, you know? They're a kid, they need some time. So: my brother has four kids, and I have three nephews and a nibling. (Decides not to mention bff's kids, whom I have also adopted as niblings.)

Neighbor: That's...

Me: (smiles desperately)

Neighbor: That's really kind of you. I've never even thought of that. That's a really good way to let them figure it out for themselves, you know?

Me: Exactly! It's not like I can figure it out for them, right? So I'm just holding space for however it shakes out.

Neighbor: They're lucky to have you.

Me: I'm trying. That's all I can do, right?

Neighbor: Nibling. That's a GOOD word.

Me: Yeah, I like it.

#sometimes it's nice here #niblings #goat nibling #it's amazing how far my cis ass can get with people on trans stuff by sounding mildly confused but very well-meaning #sentences like “I'm not an expert on X's gender but if anyone is it's probably X?” serve me well #also “idk I'm going by what the actual doctors say since they're doctors and stuff”#big “i don't expect you to know everything but i do expect you not to be a dick” energy #i learned this from my midwestern grandma who was also a moderately legendary local journalist #moderately legendary for getting people to tell her EVERYTHING presumably bc they assumed she was dumb #narrator: she was not in fact dumb

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popsicle-stick · 2 months

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I thought Lucy saying that dress is a bore was the popular take, at least here? That it goes against her mainstream depitions? idk at least in my experience here. I think popular culture (like... looking at you, Netflix Dracula 2020 and NBC Draula 2013) make her not just a Fashion Girl but also obsessed wth her appearance, on the other hand. Which I agree, she says the exact opposite of that. I've seen even her looking at the mirror in those depictions as a Vanity thing,, when she very much is STYDYING herself. Anyway yea. Mina being more fashion-conscious makes more sense to me too.

idk i feel like i only ever see the frillier, more fashion conscious take on her here, serving as a girly gal in contrast to a plainer mina which is NO bad interpretation in itself, but idk. not my personal lucy, i guess? i do think this is fuelled a lot by the film and tv adaptations and despite the fandom disregard for them, they've still managed to Influence The Blueprint in certain regards, even on here.

i do think that popular interpretation here differs from pop culture in how lucy treats others - she's not depicted as self-obsessed and shallow as the way she is in adaptations, whereas obviously a more selfless and loving lucy takes precedence here (thank god) but either way, most interpretations seem to agree she's a girl's girl, from what i've seen.

i agree absolutely with the mirror thing though - when she says this:

He has a curious habit of looking one straight in the face, as if trying to read one’s thoughts. He tries this on very much with me, but I flatter myself he has got a tough nut to crack. I know that from my glass. Do you ever try to read your own face? I do, and I can tell you it is not a bad study, and gives you more trouble than you can well fancy if you have never tried it. He says that I afford him a curious psychological study, and I humbly think I do.

it makes me INSANE how similar jack and lucy are in this regard: lucy's mirror-staring, to me, reflects (ha) jack's usage of renfield as a kind of psychological mirror. they're both preoccupied with self-examination, both concerned deeply with fitting in the right way, about being liked, and what makes me the joker is how jack is afforded a depth of character he deserves yet, as you point out, in the hands of pop culture, lucy's similar introspection is reduced to just. well. plain vanity. she is a transgressive character for what's acceptable for her position in late victorian society, but screenwriters (incapable of imagining an actual woman) say well. surely that means she's sexy. right. that's what transgressive means, right????? yeah guys?? sexy???

#ive oft seen her compared to lottie of the princess and the frog and this seems to be a common take? i'm mostly trying to swerve that #again there's nothing wrong with a more girly lucy AT ALL i just like it when there's big variety in reader interpretations #i think.....i didn't have enough nuance in my first post so i wanna clarify:#i think lucy DOES care about how she's percieved‚ deeply‚ but less about clothes and status and more irt being a woman in the right way. -#- like. fulfilling a role she has clearly been brought up for. in this sense mina has a freedom she doesn't #and idk i don't think im intelligent to bring this thought to its conclusion. but there's something there #god does any of this make sense i really have to work to make my thoughts read clearly and not just confusing run-on sentences rip #this veered off massively from the actual topic at hand into madonna/whore dichotomy territory sorry lmaoo

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imperatorcopia · 2 months

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i know im stupid and you will think so too but. my most fav guy texted me after 8 months and i replied

#tbh.... he sent a voice message and i replied w one sentence <3 #i did stand on business..... but #i have been BEGGING for this for so many months. do you understand.........#and now idek if i want it #he's in italy im in greece i aint going back there #if you want to hit you need to come here #anyway i know. i shouldn't reply #but also DURING THE MERCURY RETROGRADE SHADOW PERIOD? ARE U SERIOUS RN....... COME ON #i know this aint about to age like wine khfsfsf #anyway. it's the fact that when i was on the bus to athens i saw a city w his last name #and i kept seeing his name everywhere no matter what i did #SO THE UNIVERSE WAS LITERALLY TELLING ME THAT HE WOULD FUCKING APPEAR #im so confused idk..... idk idk idk idk #we were on good terms bc we never actually . broke up. bc we only dated. but also there are some things that i cant excuse #but i WANT HIM. but i don't. but i do. but i don't #god help me

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thedrotter · 4 months

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Re:Kinder Fun fact time!! Did you know? 😊

Yuuichi's theme song (the one that often accompanies his entrances with "Vamos Cantar!"), 新しい夏のナナ, is not in any latin language such as Spanish or Portuguese, despite its lyrics sounding as such. It's actually in Hanamogera, which to put it simply is nonsense speech based on japanese syllables. So the song's lyrics are essentially gibberish meant to imitate the sound of latin music! 😊

It is listed as such in the source site for the song, oo39.com, where the song can be found as "YS068" in the hanamogera category.

Additional fun fact! The song can also be found in Spotify as Vien Nana by Oo39.com themselves alongside a few other select songs from the site. So you can properly enjoy the song on the platform without having to import it from your local files.

Those are the fun Re:Kinder related fun facts for today... Use them to entertain your friends at parties ! ☺️

#re:kinder #not art #now tiny storytime in the tags!!! 😊...#what prompted me to look into this months ago was the fact i genuinely thought it was in spanish at first #AS A SPANISH NATIVE SPEAKER. I HEARD THIS SONG VAGUELY AND WAS LIKE... WOW... i wonder what it says!#because i thought i didnt understand it as i was mostly paying attention to the text or because of my computer's speaker #plugged headphones in and heard carefully... i didnt understand anything. but it sounded just like it i was so confused #for a second i wondered if it was portuguese but there was no way it was because even then i would have known😭#the magic of knowing either language of spanish (at least latin spanish) and portuguese is it makes the other very recognizable #this was not it looked for the opinions of other latin speaking language people THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND A THING #and thats how i ended up looking into the source and finding this out 😊#i was very pleasantly surprised to see it was gibberish because IM NOT SURE HOW TO EXPRESS TO YOU ITS VERY GOOD #VERY WELL DONE GIBBERISH SO WELL DONE IT MAKES A PROPER SENTENCE AT ONE POINT #gibberish so well done it fooled native speakers into thinking it was their own languages . so good im so obsessed with this #i had to share this fun fact eventually somrwhere other than yourjbe comments #and i remembered i could acrually speak here about the game and not only post art of it teehee😊#so thats your awesome fun fact micht also drop more if im confident in doing so and their validity because theres more tbat are in japanese #and im trying to figure em out watch as i study the inner workings of a language so i dont have to learn how to actually speak it #(i love conlangs so this is a good excuse)

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 6 months

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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

#DCB Comments #imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it #if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like #they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases #especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them #have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of #the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it #including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other #meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him #they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits #(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other #and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him #forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality #like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it #basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice #in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits #Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh #basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like #don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick #but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies #funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that #but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that #It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays #but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca #if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask #bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic #but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)

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red-dyed-sarumane · 26 days

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"they shortened maximizer in kamicity ensemble for no reason its already a short song" i mean yeah ur right but also what they removed is the interlude where in the video theres text about being "human" and the implications of that. of course being in maximizer that passage is entirely related to the events and circumstances in aru sekai series. and anyone playing ensemble knows theres a big deal about whether the isotopes count as human or not & if that matters, etc. its also a big deal. However the context and circumstances of the two are entirely different so i think its quite possible they removed that to avoid confusion considering the og mv for maximizer is in the game. if someone were to do a deep dive into kamicity lore itd be easy to point to that as a source if it were left in the game. to which u may point out they left in the flashing text at the end of maximizer. well my friend thats a bunch of words in a row and without context it can mean a great deal of things or even nothing at all which is to say its pretty safe to leave it in. its a bunch of specific words dealing with disaster & the like, which of course kamicity being a ruined city, it can fit without much issue. the earlier text was not at all abstract its a very direct conversation between two people as well as descriptions of events & the situation. and clearly theyre making the effort to show the isotopes as theyre own important entities so leaving in a passage about not acting as a human forfeits ur right live is contradictory to the themes they have going on. also the flashing text is happening around the same time as the staple long notes in the song & removing those would be awkward at best so leaving a bunch of words in is forgivable i would think.

#aru sekai series #kamitsubaki city ensemble #hi i love both aru sekai series & the isotopes dearly #and they do share themes!!!! but theyre handled so differently #but kamicity has a much more optimistic view on the nonhuman & fictitious elements #basically saying if somethings important to u then its important in general. as far as ive gathered.#one of many messages going on actually but anyway #whereas aru sekai focuses on the importance of being real and human and losing ur humanity is a death sentence #above all its important to remember who u are and ur own motivations for doing things #and forgetting any of that reduces u to a mere 'thing' thats no longer allowed any second chances #u will die permanently and the world will continue on only for those that are still 'human'#ENTIRELY different ways of looking at it so i can see why they removed that bit #even if thats not the official or main reason of doing so #probably would not make a difference for a lot of people especially not the non jpn speaking audience #but for the jpn speaking audience i can see how the threat of confusion could be a real problem

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serenpedac · 1 year

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Last Line Challenge

Rules: In a new post, show the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words.

I was tagged by several lovely people to do this. Thank you, @lykegenia, @agentnatesewell, @nathanielhsewell, @definitelynotagentm, @serial-chillr. I loved seeing what all of you were working on ^^

From my Yael/Nate pet name fic:

“You did, chaim sheli.”

Tagging: @sanguineverefae, @evilbunnyking, @thee-morrigan and @cleverblackcat

#this doesn't stand well on its own at all lol #but at least it's an actual full sentence #i've a habit of stopping mid-sentence #which can be very confusing when coming back to a WIP haha #serenwrites

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hobbinch · 1 year

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I see a lot of haircare advice against brushing it when its wet and also against using heat. But if I only finger detangle my hair and then let it air dry it's SO floofy and has all these random bent hairs. Its so confusing and it also takes me at least an hour to use a hair dryer and 4-8 hours to air dry so I just don't understand how to get hair from wet to dry just like. In general. Tbh.

#clearly i manage but if i think about it too hard or try to follow any particularly specific advice i literally want to cry #panic so much i couldnt safely get back home #so much advice is given in a sentence or two when I apparently need an essay on the topic AND an open q&a where nobodys allowed to get #annoyed at me #im curious what other ppls routines are especially if they have longer hair and damage from dye #but I'm realizing if I'm asked any questions I'll probably complain A Lot during my answers since i've been so confused about this #without resources to actually get to the bottom of my confusion #in #again #ways that don't make me want to fucking cry

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thatonebipotato · 1 year

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the problem with Prismo switching voice actors, which i know wasnt a decision anyone wanted and its not the fault of the original VA, is that when i read fics now i switch between the two voices constantly

which i dont mind too much, i think both voices are lovely, but realizing that ive switched it around again after catching myself like 5 times already throws me off sometimes

#fionna and cake #prismo #this isnt a complain post i want to clairfy!!#well it is a little but i dont think its a serious issue #i think its a little funny actually and want to share the experience ive had #maybe some people have had this experience and feel better knowing theyre not alone maybe some have never even thought of this #i dont think its a genuine problem im just talking abt it ig #i love the new va and i think he did a wonderful job! it just confuses my own brain sometimes when his voice changes mid sentence in my head #i just stop reading and sit there like #woah. what was that. whyd it do that. huh

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im-an-anthusiast · 6 months

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The Butterfly Too, Will Follow

Twin island of black and red, swimming in seas of milky white. Santi had never really liked the eyes they were born with. Neither have they ever liked the rest of their body. Sickly pale and frail – they have always stood out, being so unlike the rest of their peers. Santi saw the unspoken words, and the looks they were given tasted like ash on their tongue. But that was all fine. It really was. Because someone understood.

“You in there, Santi?”

“Y-Yeah. Sorry. Be right there.”

Two dark, hollow pits of a shadowy grey, swimming in an ocean of cloth. Santi had always found the featureless mask covering the entirety of their face, head, and neck to be comforting. Much like they did with the 3-piece suit covering the rest of their body. Dark grey and sleek – it didn’t make them stand out, but was fashionable regardless. Santi could always divert the curious gazes, and the whispered words dispersed like steam if they wished it. It was all fine. It really was. But no one-

“Ah, there you are, Santi”

“So I am.”

Santi swallowed thickly, doing their best not to let the stress get to them – and failing. They followed Gabriele closely, holding their friend’s hand as the two of them approached the mansion’s doors. They had never even seen such a... beautifully grand building. They felt out of place in front of such opulence – feeling almost measly compared to it. Still, Gabriele went on and grabbed the large metal knocker on the dark oak door.

“I-I’m not... I’m not sure about this, Gabriele...” Santi said, a hesitant tremble shaking at their words.

“Oh, Santi, don’t be like that now! My parents and I went through so much trouble to prepare all this for you! Surely, you wouldn’t want our effort to go to waste?” Gabriele replied, pouting, though her eyes were twisted in a smile.

“I... suppose not.”

“Good answer,” she cooed sweetly, with what Santi thought might be a condescending smirk twisting her features for just a second before melting into a smile instead. Gabriele rapped at the door with the heavy-looking knocker, the vibrations of metal against wood rattling Santi to their core.

Santi sighed deeply, hoping to release their stress along with their breath – and failing. They followed Gabriele cautiously, keeping in mind where her hands were as the two of them approached the limousine’s doors. They had never seen a car so grossly grand. They felt sick, standing in front of such disgusting opulence – everything around it feeling measly and dirty in comparison. Still, Gabriele approached it with almost-glee, looking back at Santi facelessly.

“You coming?” she trilled, her voice muffled a surprisingly small amount. Santi didn’t reply, not increasing the slow pace of their stride towards the vehicle.

Gabriele continued, “Oh, Santi, don’t be like that, now! I went through so much trouble to arrange this all for us. We both know how busy it can get for the other, no?”

“I’m sure that you do,” Santi said with all the calmness they could muster, finally having come up to the car. Gabriele flexed her jaw and scoffed quietly enough that the usual person would not be able to hear. But Santi did. Regardless, Gabriele grasped the door handle on the side of the limousine and knocked on the window – likely signalling for something – the dull sound of knuckles against glass making Santi clench their gloved fists.

“Do you like it?” asked Gabriele, wildly gesturing across the entire dining hall with her arm.

“It’s... pretty,” Santi said cautiously, eyeing Gabriele’s reaction. At Gabriele’s satisfactory hum, Santi let themself actually inspect the room. Orange lights danced across an assortment of dark woods and black stone, pouring from the lit fireplace in the far wall. The ceiling was incredibly high, with an assortment of metallic chandeliers hanging from it. Impressive though it all was, Santi’s attention was drawn to the long, tall table – it was like from a fairy tale Santi’s mother would read to them. It was beautiful – fit for a king or queen. Fit for royalty.

“So,” Gabriele exclaimed, clapping her hands together in delight, “you wanted me to show you... Magic. To teach you.”

“Y-yes.”

“You want to be like me?”

“Yes. Yes... please.”

“Then you will have to promise to do as I say, okay?”

“...Okay. I promise.”

“Do you like it?” asked Gabriele, wildly gesturing with her hand at the car’s interior, as she sat comfortably opposite to Santi.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“So dismissive,” Gabriele said with a huff, removing the brimmed hat previously casting shade over the blank layer of skin stretched over her actual face. Then, she took her sunglasses off, though her eyes were still clad in shadow – visible only due to the holes torn into that second layer of skin. Grotesque though it all was, Santi’s attention was still drawn to Gabriele’s hungry, arrogant gaze – it was like from a fairy tale Santi’s mother would read to them. It was sickeningly cocky – fit for a king or queen. Fit for royalty.

“I assume you’re not going to be removing that ridiculous thing?” Gabriele asked, though she didn’t wait for an answer before scoffing and continuing, “So, you really want to know about... them?”

“Yes.”

“Then I expect you to cooperate.”

“Sure.”

“Really cooperate.”

“Sure.”

Santi’s eyes were wide with wonder. Drops of liquid perspiration trickled down Gabriele’s face, and her eyes were squeezed almost completely shut. However, that was not where Santi’s attention was drawn. Instead, their eyes were glued to the small – no taller than half a metre – figure, standing on the table. It was dressed up in fancy clothing, almost resembling a doll. Its lack of a face, however, quickly shattered that illusion. Regardless, the blank, faceless figure moved around gracefully, its movements fluid, yet not natural.

“It’s... it’s amazing! Can I do this too, Gabs?” Santi praised and asked in an almost-shout, still not looking away from the figure.

Gabriele smiled widely, before saying, “It’s called a Puppet. And of course, you can, Santi. You just have to do exactly as I say! Especially for this next part.”

Santi’s eyes were narrowed with focus. Drops of liquid red dripped down Gabriele’s real face, and her eyes were half-lidded, staring at Santi in a challenging manner. However, that was not where Santi’s attention really was. Instead, they were focusing on channelling Magic into their hands – as they took their glove’s hem and stretched the glove further onto their hand – performing their Gesture. Feelings of doubt and uncertainty – Santi’s Magic – flooded the interior of the limousine, the intensity making Gabriele flinch – and drop the knife she had used to ‘unmask’ herself.

“How in the...?” Gabriele muttered with her – now fully revealed – eyes wide, before speaking more loudly, “Right, Santi is all grown up now... This is how you want to play this, is it?”

“With effort, to answer your previous question. And no. This is how I have to play it, Gabs,” retorted Santi, poison seeping into their usually neutral demeanour.

“What was it that we said about cooperating?” Gabriele hissed in response, her face – paler than the rest of her deep brown skin and slick with blood – twisted in a scowl.

“I was just levelling the playing field. This is cooperating – in the sense that we’re both playing the same game, on the same board, for once. Now, give me what I came for.”

“Don’t look at me like that, Santi! You wanted this, remember?”

Santi stared at the slab of meat wordlessly. The flesh hadn’t even been stripped of the skin. It was still raw and red – with blood pooling under it, staining the gleaming, white plate.

“Dig in, Santi. You wanted Magic? You wanted to be like me? Then eat it.”

“P-please... do I have to?” they pleaded meekly, their vision spinning and bile threatening to climb up their throat.

“Don’t be ridiculous Santi! You promised!” Gabriele snapped, though her enraged voice had a hint of an odd elation in it, “This is all for you! For your own good! Don’t you want to be better? Like me? Don’t you want to change – climb into a chrysalis and emerge a beautiful butterfly?”

“Don’t look at me like that, Santi! You wanted this, remember?”

Santi stared at the images wordlessly.

“Why so down, Santi? You wanted to know what happened to your family? Your parents? Now you know.”

“Sh-shut up,” Santi growled weakly, their vision spinning and bile threatening to climb up their throat.

“’Same game’... Don’t make me laugh. You don’t know my game,“ Gabriele said condescendingly, before chuckling and continuing, “I have to admit, you had me scared, there, for a second. I thought the old Santi was gone... but no, my pure little butterfly was just hiding. You never changed, no... I didn’t let you, after all...”

“I’ve always adored the saying ‘like a moth to a flame’. Imagine loving something so much that you are willing to die for it, to sacrifice everything else. But I think that such a person would also need to have nothing else – for the flame to be its only love, the only thing it needs. So that it is willing to get burnt,” Gabriele said, the skin of her jaw stretching oddly as she spoke. Hearing barely a slurred string of somethings – only somewhat resembling words – as Gabriele spoke, Santi stared at what seemed to be a short flap of skin stretching across the edges of her face, ending perfectly evenly – looking almost cut. “Don’t you think so as well, Santi?” Gabriele questioned, before suddenly – with the slightest gentleness – cupping their chin and wiping the mix of blood and saliva coating it with her thumb. Meeting Santi’s unfocused eyes, she continued, “Because if it has nothing else, can it even tell that the burning of its wings is not love? Does it even care? Still, it will fly to the flame.”

“I don’t think you quite understand, Santi,” said Gabriele, a strained, almost incredulous guffaw quickly dying on her lips. “Like a moth to a flame, like a lamb to a slaughter, I want the beautiful butterfly too, to follow.”

“And if it doesn’t?” she continued both times, two snarling voices melding to one, “I will make it.”

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