#that this movie ain't real
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
so my stepfather (who shall henceforth be referred to as Bob The Bastard, because his name is bob and he is a bastard) is under the impression that he bought a copy of goncharov online for fifteen dollars a couple of days ago.
I am not on speaking terms with Bob The Bastard, to be clear. I convinced my mother that it was a real movie and she informed me of that.
obviously, Bob The Bastard cannot have actually gotten his hands on a copy of goncharov, because goncharov did not exist last week. given his track record of always needing to have the latest greatest thing, this means one of a few things:
A) he knows that goncharov isn't a real movie and is purposefully playing along in an attempt to be Hip With The Kids, unaware that his favored pastime of being a dick and a control freak means he will never, ever be truly Hip With The Kids.
B) he does not know that goncharov isn't a real movie and someone actually managed to sell this moron a copy of a movie that doesn't exist, in which case I am incredibly curious as to what he actually bought.
C) he does not know that goncharov isn't a real movie but, in an attempt to not be clowned on by the stepdaughter that makes no attempts of hiding the fact that she despises him, is claiming that he has heard of it and currently scouring the internet for a copy.
D) mom is just straight up lying to my face and has not brought this up with Bob The Bastard at all. she is well aware that I despise this man and could be lying in an attempt to make him seem cooler. I highly doubt she has any idea that goncharov isn't a real movie, because she is bad enough with computers that she doesn't know how tabs work in a web browser.
obviously, I'm hoping for option B, because my shitty stepdad getting scammed out of even fifteen dollars is hilarious, or option C. I doubt he's on tumblr because he wouldn't last five minutes here, but it's possible he found out somehow from it breaching containment.
anyway. one way or another, this should be funny, and I am very much open to suggestions for further clowning on Bob The Bastard that do not involve me actually getting back into contact with him.
#hopeposting#storytime with hope#goncharov#would tag this w/unreality#but I think that it's pretty obvious from this post#that this movie ain't real#updates to come if they're funny enough!
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok so i've been debating making this post but the new spiderverse fandom needs to relax about shipping.
it's ok to ship characters that are already married or in relationships. it's ok to ship characters with unconfirmed ages. it's ok to ship characters together that have never interacted. your headcanons don't have to be accurate or plausible in canon.
it was never that serious, it's ok to just have fun
#how are there so many people saying ''x cant be gay because he like [opposite gender]"#like bro how you gonna be queerphobic and enjoy this movie??#also like. chill about characters ages. they ain't real.#you dont have to justify your ships just vibe#spiderman into the spiderverse#spiderman across the spiderverse#spiderman atsv#spiderman itsv#fandom critical#discourse#shipping discussion#spiderdads#chaipunk#punkflower#chaipunkflower#gwiles#red takes
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
The real test of knowing you were truly knee deep in this era is if you can recite the entire trailer word for word, bar for bar scene clips and all. When people act as if video game adaptations only recently started getting good they fake as fuck because the first Mortal Kombat movie was and still is that shit.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
In commemoration of this
Let us remember what Frida can do canonically
gave her the ol' Shikamaru's Kagemane no Jutsu treatment for ninpo which is fitting really since
And what's more ninja than shadow manipulation?
Just y'know, from a 90s weeb standpoint who saw how fucking obsessed U.S media was with ninja in the 80s and 90s, the earlier TMNT could have stood to be MORE ninja. The newer iterations kinda sorta have gotten "more ninja" instead of generic milk chocolate martial arts with a shiny ninja candy coating
#Leo's portals is more like standard anime ass “Nothing personal kid” teleportation bait and switch sleight of hand#Donnie's just a purple colored Green Lantern#Yes I know there's technically “purple” Lanterns but a Star Sapphire Donnie ain't#Bro is Willpower... well they kinda all are tbh#....no NOOOO NO GO AWAY LANTERN CORP AU NOT NOW#Raph's is too with a dash of mecha pilot and that Anne Hathaway Kaiju movie-ass Colossal power#Mikey's also sorta anime but leaning more to xianxia magic chain#but fuck Frida's become so one with the shadows she IS the shadows all of them#look at her look at how many shadow hands she conjured#WHILE catching them unaware#ninja as FAWK#god please let cringe die when that comic comes out#because Leo WOULD fucking wear a hitai ate#as a sword user??? hello????#It Just Makes Sense#no idea if Jimenez was referencing Next Mutation with the forearm wraps but#y'all are WELCOME#next mutation did that shit first#AND Raph's sai staff#hoo lemme stop there#like I guess doing hand seals is too heavily associated with Naruto specifically in the US#but like that's one of THE things that differentiate doing ninja shit vs regular ole cool anime magic shit#and it's cool as fuck stop lying#granted kujikiri in real life was more akin to like concentration techniques than being able to summon a whole-ass 100 ft toad#god reminds me I need put down my iteration's ninja lore#was gonna have a whole Tengu arc#Leo was gonna further his swordsmanship skills with Sojobo#convince them to lift the nerf ban from the remaining ninja clans#(because krang and his utrom army was coming)#the nameless foot soldiers they fight through were just ornate wooden puppets
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every single movie that has a child and an evil entity, the child warns the adults about the entity and they go "you're making this up everything is fine" and people start dying. Without fail. Any child ever says that to me in real life, I am nope-ing the fuck out of there.
#horror movies#psychological thrillers#any of those with children and entities#i swear adults need to stop being like that's not possible it's not real#nah this bitch ain't risking it
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just watched Wish and I'd say I kinda genuinely enjoyed this movie
#i cant believe divorce was the real hero of the story#id say the plot was still kinda mid but not really a bad movie overall#the animation style is weird and distracting but you get used to it#the songs on the other hand. very good#I don't usually hate watch stuff but well this was sure smth (also I pirated it dw I ain't giving disney money anyway)#Disney's wish#wish 2023#text post
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I had a scary, animal accurate tyrannosaurus dream that felt HD real.
I was at a parking lot where this marketplace was located. A guy friend was in this red car that was parked between two giant pickup trucks. He and the trucks were parked away from the majority of the vehicles. It was night and just rained not too long ago. I could see the water glistening off cement and asphalt.
I'm maybe four feet away from the car when I feel this deep rumble in my body, and I hear a very loud but low pitch hum. I stop, and I feel it again. It's like all the nerves and blood in my body are frozen. I start looking around and don't see anything or hear anything else. My friend rolls down his window and asks what gives and if I'm alright. I shake my head and gesture for him to be quiet.
Then I see a pair of glowing yellowish eyes, and then the rex walks into view on the other side of my friend's car. It was so quiet despite being massive while it moved. It didn't make a damn sound. No roar fanfare or anything. It was like a giant bird just strolling by. Its body was barely illuminated by the parking lot lights, but I could see its greyish scales and dampened microfeathers. Its nostrils flared, and its warm breath turned into a smoky fog.
The rex blinked my way, canted its head in a bird like manner, and then just smashed its entire snout through the roof of my friends car. Like before, it didn't make a sound, but I felt that reverberating hum in my body again and again.
My friend was screaming, and I was in shock before I ran toward one of the trucks. I was too far from the store to get in, and I thought if I could get under one of the trucks for now, I'd be alright. As I ran, my friend hit his head on something in the car, and he went silent. The rex lost interest, pulled its snout out from the top of the car, and deadlocked its eyes on me.
It chased me around for a bit, not really running but more like power walked cause it knew I was getting tired, so why waste energy? Eventually, we circled back to my friend's car and the trucks. I managed to get underneath one, and the rex seemingly gave up the chase.
While waiting for the coast to clear, I looked to my right at my friends vehicle. The entire top was caved in and looked as if it had been in a multicar accident or a giant rock smashed through. I couldn't see my friend, but I figured he was still unconscious and maybe lying on the floor somewhere.
After maybe ten minutes or so, I finally had the courage to come out from hiding. I was in between my friend's car and the black truck I sought refuge under. Keeping crouched, I began to look for a way to open the passengers' side.
A series of deep thumps began to rhythmically travel through the ground, and my heart sank. The rex charged out from the darkness and headbutt the drivers side of the car. It flipped to its side, and before I knew it, I was sandwhiched between the car and the truck.
I was almost impaled by a metal piece sticking out from the roof. It was so close to my chest that I let out a gasp, and I could hear the thumps return. The rex was gonna headbutt again. At the last second, I crouched and made myself as small as possible. He hit it not just once but several times. I could feel my space growing smaller and smaller. If it kept up, I knew I was going to get smashed.
The crashing sound of metal warping itself ceased. My body shuddered, and I felt cold despite being drenched in sweat. That's when I felt a warm gust of air to my right, and I could see the rexes nostrils flaring through a crack between the car and the truck. He was smelling me out.
The scent of its breath was a combination of mildew and a putrid musk akin to someone not brushing their teeth for months. I wanted to throw up.
I remained in place and held my breath so as not to make a peep. I thought it better to let him think I was dead in here versus being alive. I had a gut feeling that if the rex caught onto that, it would smash the car again and I couldn't take that risk.
The deep rumbles all the while repeated over and over. It felt like my body was being shaken inside of a car going through a dirt road that hadn't been tended to in years. I could see parts of the rexes snout inflate and deflate between the noise. This was how it roared. Not through displaying its teeth and screeching like a jaguar taking down prey, but through low vibrational frequency.
I was so caught up in the awe and fear of the situation that I didn't register that it had moved to the other side, and through another crack to my left, stuck its tongue through and licked my arm.
The muscle was warm and slimy with a rough patch of texture here and there. It felt like I was being licked by a cat and a dog. I tried not to scream. The rex went at it for a few minutes, then gave up.
I remained curled up in the husk of a car for what felt like hours before I had the courage to find a way out. I managed to lie flat on my back and scooted like an inch worm out of the debris. Once I was standing on two feet, I looked around everywhere. There was no sign of the rex.
I jumped, hearing a faint moan coming from the car, and my friend poked his head out from the drivers side window. In shock, he looked around before his eyes landed on me and shouted, "What happened?". I rushed over and began to help him get out of the car, all the while explaining that we needed to get inside one of the markets at the center. He was visibly confused but the terror in my voice was enough to let him know now wasn't the time to talk.
We managed to sprint through the parking lot and to an open store. There were maybe ten people inside counting the gal at the register. While my friend limped toward the medical supplies to aid his bleeding head, I was warning folks not to go outside and even shouted at one gal who was close to leaving.
Everyone at this stage was looking at me like I was crazy, and a security guy was attempting to shove my friend toward the exit. I frantically got in between them and kept warning that a giant animal was out there and that we were trying to hide. Needless to say, the security guy didn't believe us and the commotion continued.
Thats when the security guys bravado stopped entirely and his mouth gaped open while his eyes bulged out. Everyone in the store went silent.
My friend and I slowly turned our heads around, and through the window, we could see the large pair of glowing eyes in the distance and the dark silhouette of the rexes' massive body. He was staring right at us, keeping so still that it could pass as a monument.
The rex snapped its head to the side like a curious cockatoo and rushed.
The sound of small explosions going off in my body was the last thing I could comprehend as it prepared to push its head through the glass, and then I woke up.
#i don't normally have dinosaur nightmares#but when I do they're teriffying but would make awesome movie material#this was definitely one of those dreams where I couldn't differentiate between it and real life#i could smell see and feel everything that when i woke up it was like WHOA WHERE THE HELL AM I? THIS AIN'T HOME#anyway felt like sharing cause this is gonna live rent free in my head for the rest of the day#and my body is still quaking like it went through hell#dinosaurs#tyrannosaurus rex#tyrannosaurid#nightmare#dreams#night terrors#dinosaur dream#writing#free write
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
Key!!!!! Hope you're doing well~ 😊
Idk if you've seen this yet, but one of the in-game TTYD emails has this funny little bit re: Toadsworth and when i saw it i was like 'i gotta show this to key' so here it is, lmao
The pet-name is what gets me the most, I think 🤭
Ahhhhh!!!! Mrs.Luigi thank you so much for thinking about me enough to share this!! I love this!! 🥰🥰🥰🫂🫂🫂 Toadsworth lovers look at this lolol!!
Toadsworth out here having the time of his life!!! I ain't even mad at him who wouldn't be charmed by this guy? His rizz is immaculate 👌🏾. I never played the original and haven't bought the remake either, so it must be hilarious to see it while playing it personally (buys the game for this reason only)
I remember seeing this bit on GameXplain's video on Toadsworth, actually 🤭 and a little fun fact in reference to this video, in my most recent chapter of "Little Events" the mahjong bit related to him being one of the most difficult CPUs in that spinoff game hehe.
#Toadsworth out here showing us all up when it comes to dating...teach me your ways#And she cook too 👌🏾😩#actually this is the real reason why he wasn't in the mario movie he was visiting Zess T (what a name by the way 💅🏾) 🤣🤣#oh also I've been doing well as adulting is just on that work grind getting that money#I did it for me only but I went in on my day off yesterday 💀💀 but I got a martini afterwards 👌🏾#Hope you're doing well too and taking care of yourself ☺️☺️☺️🥰🥰🥰🫂🫂����#I rewatched that part of that video to make sure I was right when including it in this ask#and funny enough Bowser and Petey are set a 25000 while Toadsworth is at 24000 but I'm choosing to ignore it cause ain't no way 🤣#anyway Idk nothing about mahjong but its interesting that there was a game like that featuring the mario cast 🤭🤭#Key Answers#thank you once again for sharing this with me!!! really put a smile on my face 😊😊🥰🥰
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
in my dream there was a new movie called Aang Rise Hub but it was so bad everyone called it the Arse Rub Hub
#how did i know it wasn't real#netflix ain't making A Movie#atla#aang#netflix#movie#not a movie#dream
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
REAL
#Gouenji should play don't discriminate him just because he ain't real smh#This feels like those looney toon movies#Like space jam#gouenji shuuya#inazuma eleven meme#inazuma eleven
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Eternal Diva Fic (Part 9)
Funny mask man time aka my favorite part of the movie. We're already getting to the best part and we still have. 5 parts left. How am I gonna split up the time? You'll see :]
Trigger warnings for kidnapping, mentions of death, and heights and risk of falling from a great height (no one falls)
Word Count: 1.5k / Previous / Next
Before anyone had a chance to recover, Descole rushed the group, scooped up Melina in his arms, and ran back. No one could run to get Melina back because Descole’s wolves promptly circled them all. He gently set Melina down next to him.
“What are you doing? Descole!” Layton called up to him.
“I’m afraid I need this young lady’s voice if I’m to accomplish my real goal here.”
“What are you planning?”
He threw an arm out of his cape and pointed up. “To bring Ambrosia back to life!”
The opened roof revealed another higher roof with a drawing of the Ambrosian seal at the very top.
“The legend of Ambrosia was famous,” the masked man began to explain. “But it was I who discovered the complete seal. Layton, do you know what the lines around that symbol mean?”
I knew what those were… I think. “Music, right? A song?”
Descole seemed surprised for a moment, but then he smiled as he looked at me. “Very astute, Clare; that is correct. Ambrosian music. That seal is the first key to unlocking Ambrosia. It is ‘A Song of the Stars’.” He opened a little book on the Detragan’s tray. It was a two page spread of doodles, notes and sheet music. “The second key… is you Melina.”
“What? How can I be a key?” She asked.
“The Ambrosian Seal hides not one key, but two of them. Two songs that resonate in perfect harmony. A song of the stars and the sea…”
The music on Melina’s piano’s tray. That was called a Song of the Sea. Now everything was coming into focus.
Descole grabbed Janice’s hand, even as she resisted. “When the two songs are played together here, Ambrosia will rise once more!”
Mr. Whistler growled. “How could I not see it…? All he ever wanted was the Ambrosia Kingdom!”
“But just as I cracked the code, the one person who knew A Song of the Sea-- the other key I needed-- could no longer sing it. But her memories remained.”
“That was the real point of the Detragan then,” I muttered.
“Precisely. All I needed was someone to bring those memories alive!”
Descole flipped a switch on the machine, and the ground suddenly let out a cloud of steam. There were giant rumbles and cracking sounds. I ran forward to try and help Melina, but soon found no ground to stand on. I hit something metal right on my chest which knocked the wind out of me.
Once the smoke cleared, it revealed that Descole had built the platform to extend out of the castle. I had landed right on the beam that extended it out… and found myself hanging right over the woods below.
I yelled and scrambled to fix my position on the beam. Now I had a good hold on it thankfully.
Still wanting to help Melina, I started to climb up the giant iron tower. Thankfully, I was pretty close to the platform already, so it didn’t take very long. But with all the running I already did and barely any food to keep me going, it was a struggle.
“This… is your farewell performance,” I heard Descole say.
“Not if… I have… anything… to say about it!” I shouted as I pumped myself up and then jumped up to grab the rim of the platform. Luckily, I gripped it pretty well.
…Now the trouble came in how to get up.
“Clare!!” Melina’s head popped over the edge, and she gasped upon seeing my precarious situation. She tried to help me climb up, but she was only very strong in her lungs. She struggled to lift me, and I was worried I was going to plummet right down into the forest below.
Suddenly (and thankfully), I got pulled right up by my arms.
“Are you alright?” Descole asked simply, worry etched in his voice.
“Fine, fine, I’m fine,” I said, avoiding his puppy-dog gaze.
“When I heard you underneath us, I…” He suddenly seemed to remember Melina was here and that he was supposed to be doing evil things. “Well dear, I was tickled. You climbed all the way up here just to see me?” The speed at which his tone changed astonished me. He was good at putting on masks. “You needed only to ask to come along, you know. But you’re here now, and that’s what matters.” He set me down.
“Do you two… know each other?” Melina asked.
“I was there with Layton and Luke at Misthallery. He used a giant digging machine to try and destroy a whole town, just to get some treasure.”
“Oh please dear, you’re making it sound so much more uncouth than it actually was.” I glared at him, trying to look past his new mask. He smiled back, not letting anything slip. Janice stood in the middle, perplexed. “As much as I enjoy talking with you dear, I have some business to take care of. Then I’ll do whatever you wish.”
“Stop this right now!”
“I’m anxious to spend time with you too, but I said after my plans were done. Besides, you’re about to see history in the making.”
He turned back to the Detragan and started to play a few notes. A familiar song began to float into the sky: A Song of the Stars.
“Sing Melina! Sing A Song of the Sea! Sing, Melina!” Descole commanded. Janice looked down, and I followed her gaze. To my horror, I saw everyone surrounded by Descole’s wolves.
Melina eventually complied, and began to sing A Song of the Sea. In perfect harmony, they were chillingly beautiful together. But something… didn’t feel right. Or more accurately, sounded right.
Apparently it didn’t matter too much as the ground began to shake. No, it wasn’t the ground. It was the sea. Where the castle had already cracked from losing a wall, it started to collapse even more. Thankfully, that seemed to be the distraction everyone needed to get away from the wolves.
Descole spun around in delight to the edge of our platform, pulling me over with him, almost like a little impromptu dance. “Ambrosia… will rise again!” He shouted to the air, triumphant and sinisterly gleeful. He turned to me with a wide grin, holding me by the arms. “You should feel extremely fortunate, dear Clare. Not everyone can say they’ve witnessed an ancient kingdom rise from the depths of the ocean. And not from such a spectacular view!”
He laughed, holding me tight at his side… but then the shaking at our feet stopped. We all looked out confused.
Besides what happened to the castle… nothing had changed. The night was now calm and eerily quiet.
“Huh?” I gaped.
“What?” Melina asked.
Descole growled and let me go. He walked back on himself, and I could see his hands tighten into fists. “Why… Why won't it rise?!” He pointed at Melina without looking at her. “Again! Sing it! Sing!” Clearly, he was too mad to form coherent sentences. He walked back to the Detragan as I joined Melina’s side.
“Why didn't it work?” Melina asked me quietly.
“... I don’t know,” I replied. …There was something missing here clearly. But what?
Descole started to play again, and Melina followed right behind. There wasn't even a rumble from the ground.
Descole suddenly slammed down his hands on the keys, making a loud disjointed sound. “Why… Why… Why…” He breathed out in rage.
I shielded Melina by putting her behind me.
Then… Descole started to laugh. A humourless, cold, cruel laugh. “Well, if the door to Ambrosia will not open by this music… I WILL TEAR IT DOWN!”
He threw his hands down on the keys again, but this time hidden compartments in the Detragan sprung out and all sorts of levers flipped up ready to be pulled. He threw his cape behind him and started pressing buttons, turning dials, flipping levers-- all at the speed of an expert inventor.
The Detragan was suddenly cast in an eerie blue-white glow. The platform lit up below us with patterned lines. Melina gripped my arm behind me and I swallowed hard. Looking over the edge, other parts of the castle were glowing just the same.
Then the castle began to deteriorate even more. Bricks fell away to reveal iron mechanisms hidden underneath. Wires started snaking their way up to our platform to connect everything together.
Then… we began to move with giant metal steps.
Melina and I both stumbled and nearly fell with all the shifting around, but we held each other steady.
“Wh-What is he doing?!” Melina yelled to attempt being heard over all the noise.
“Doing what he does best: doing the absolutely most extra thing he can to get his way, because apparently he can’t be bothered to USE A SHOVEL!!”
The blue-white glow started to rise up the whole contraption, making the wind whip around us. Descole’s cape billowed dramatically behind him. He grinned wickedly.
“Ambrosia… shall be mine!!”
#🐉🎮.txt#clare's writing#eternal diva au#seen a lot of things; places you ain't ever been 🐉💫#lead me save me from my solitude 🎭🔧#fun fact: the shot right before des says ''ambrosia shall be mine'' where he's lit up and has his cape billowing in the wind--#--is one of my favorite shots in the whole movie; it's SO good#ough we getting to the real good shit now
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i haven't seen oppenheimer yet but i know that the most funniest criticism of the movie by hindus is that tHeY iNcLuDeD a tEXt fRoM a rElIgIouS sCriPtuRe iN a sEx sCenE as if the entire fucking religion isn't based on oppression and division and maintaining caste (and by default class) purity by committing atrocities against the marginalised.
#literally read any text by BR Ambedkar#and do not come at me with 'oh but gita didn't say that-'#'oh that's a misinterpretation of hinduism-' and other nonsense#i say this as a person brought up in hindu religion ok#there could be very real criticisms for the movie w/o seeing it#like how all military adjacent films have involvement and influence of the pentagon which is quite literally the biggest war criminal#or how nolan has been known to promote america's imperialist ideology in the name of neoliberalism#but this ain't it#like girl a single movie scene or 'destroyer of worlds' in a pink barbie glittery design#won't diminish an entire religion which is already in the dirt.#oppenheimer#vi.txt
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I would like to read it.
All I'm saying is Ridley Scott went out and hired the giant mutant genitals artist to design the Alien, and H.R. Giger delivered a monster with a giant penis head, a vulva-outline space ship, a birthing egg with an opening made of two crossed vaginas, a facefucking vagina monster fertilizer and a lil baby dick form that kills the host - the man 100% delivered on his artistic principles.
And because of this, it is just a little bit funny how the penis and vagina designs are enshrined in pop culture, forever being passed between creators who seem to less and less think for a minute that they're working with genital monsters and it turns most of the movie franchise and comics into an exercise in unintentional absurdity where a character can be fleeing from a rolling vulva like the boulder from Indiana Jones without a single shred of awareness or subtext.
#also i am going to be snarky in the tags about a different comment#someone else complaining I'm talking shit about Prometheus without seeing it or dont know Ridley Scott directed#I have seen it twice and I know fully well its the same director#trying to pretend there's some cohesive metaphor in Prometheus is absurd on so many levels#from the movie itself being internally inconsistent to not a single biomechanical element cohesive with Gigers artistic vision#Alien is a cohesive story where Gigers aesthetic is a contributor but includes other influences such as writer OBannons Chrons disease#the elements are woven into the text of a complete and thoughtful story with well rounded complex characters#Prometheus is an incoherent mess trying to yoke characters and story to some vague metaphor of birth and christianity#it puts its woefully banal Big Questions out front as if that alone lends gravitas to the rest#lost writer Lindelhof once again coyly pretending the vagueness is hiding depth which isnt there#Ridley Scott somehow completely forgetting that other people contributed to the original#acting as if the film is so singularly his vision that rewriting a different film idea into an Alien prequel is not a bald faced cash grab#Prometheus is a movie made by self important children playing with human emotions and body horror like cheap dolls#smashing them together and yelling that they're kissing#my off the cuff remark is only scratching the surface of the amount of shit i can talk about Prometheus#and i am the girl who loves horror metaphors and horror as a genre that says things about society#I'm the target audience for scifi horror to speak in the language of metaphor#Prometheus fuckin ain't it#what little metaphorical value it has got is so trite#the protag having this heavily cgi defanged abortion metaphor then getting chased by the vagina boulder is not particularly interesting#Alien has layers of meaning woven together about disease and birth and capitalism and feminism#it works as a movie because it is so grounded in multiple real human experiences#Prometheus has none of this and comes first from a place of profit margins second from abstraction detached from real experience#humanity and the relationship of the movie to recognizable aspects of life are a distant third or fourth
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
I just found out there's a Christian movie about that homophobic bakery that wouldn't make a cake for a gay couple and the protagonist is the homophobic baker and it's just as bad as you think it is. Oh and it's called A Taste of Praise.
#ash talks#it's something you think came out of an SNL skit but it's real#why is it real though#because it ain't a persecution complex unless we make a whole ass movie about it#I just remembered there was an SNL skit about it#reality imitates art
1 note
·
View note
Text
The Black girls remember.
Do you remember when people claimed that Tangled was ignored by Disney?
*Tangled has a short, an ongoing series and a future live-action movie*
The PatF fandom remembers.
#sigh#tangled was only really made to further sideline the black disney princess movie if we're being for real#that's why they removed black people from the movie and that's why they're oversaturating it and leaving nothing for patf fans to gulp up#it's super frustrating and this is coming from someone who loves tangled#make it stop please#something similar is happening with frozen and encanto#where nothing new is coming from encanto but loads of frozen stuff have come out#both frozen and tangled's first shorts came out two years after the movie#frozen itself has enough shorts that screenrant can fucking rate them#meanwhile encanto has been out for two years and where's the shorts for them?#aside from a few comics there ain't shit the fucking fandom is what's keeping this movie alive#and it's all because disney prefers to sideline their woc leads in favor of these two white princess flicks#and also those two are more unambiguously and unapologetically female-centered#frozen and tangled have gender-neutral names and over 75% male dialogue with the only important female characters being the two main ones#BECAUSE disney wanted to ignore the fact that they're about women as much as possible#after all 'boys don't want to watch a princess film' LIES#tiana 🫱🏿🫲🏾 mirabel#feeling ignored by the mouse cult in favor of white princesses and deserving so much better#these girls need to 'bring it in bring it in' good lord
353 notes
·
View notes
Text
જ⁀ 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 , various ! pt two
synopsis: his voice lines about you as his beloved partner
including: boothill, aventurine
side comments: my first voice line fic was well received and for that I thank you all <3 so of course this is for all my boothill and aventurine lovers out there! (including myself for boothill...)
extra: gn reader, angsty and fluffy moments, I genuinely loved writing boothill's, minor spoilers for both favourites: boothill word count: roughly 1000+
care to see the first part? includes dr. ratio, jing yuan, & blade!
𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋
WHO ARE THEY? I "Out here askin' question huh? Well if you're that curious... then you better listen close."
FIRST MEETINGS? "Met them on a bullet train in a neighbouring star system. Turns out we were chasing after the same fudge-heads. You could've seen them- a sly creature that's who they were, whipping out the most slick sniper I've ever seen. I'd reckon that was one of the most thrilling fights I've ever had: came out with dents all over my arms and a broken gun. Their bullets nearly punched a hole through my cheek... hah!"
GREETINGS? "They may be a load of dormant gunpowder, but they sure are sweet! Full of laughter and courtesy. But I'll let you in on a little secret... ( Name ) likes to walk in, pretty as always- and plant kisses all over my cheek before they even say a word."
PARTINGS? "Being a Galaxy Ranger means never staying in one place. ( Name ) is no Galaxy Ranger... I'd reckon it's better that way."
ABOUT US: SHOES IN THE HOUSE "I can't exactly 'take off my shoes' now can I? But ( Name ) likes to keep the house tidy and I best not anger them... like that one time- anyways, we came up with this whole fudging system just to keep the bottom of my damn boots clean! It's fudging ridiculous! *Chuckles* I can't help it, but ( Name ) is understanding. Even if I trudged through all the grime in the universe- they'd still wipe it all off."
ABOUT US: FAMILY "You see, ( Name ) has this big family. Siblings, cousins, extended cousins, aunts and uncles, you name it. We were on their home planet once, and I finally understood where ( Name's ) knack for puttin' a real good home together came from. Their family lives in the countryside where all you can see are open fields, lush hillsides, free-roaming animals and wildflowers. Consider it a quiet paradise. They even grow their own food for fudging sake! Everythin' made by hand and land. Darlin' nearly coaxed me into joining them for dinner once, but I knew better. Best not spoil the family get-together."
CHAT: HATS N' POSES "Personally, I like my hat and flare the way it damn is. How would fightin' be without it? But of course, your partner has to be a cheeky tease about it."
CHAT: WARMTH " I've seen it in the movies- those fudging 'romcoms'- and read it in books. When it gets cold... I'm no help. Can't do much except reach for a blanket and wrap them up. But even then, metal and skin don't fudging work."
PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Count me in on a dance sugar plum! Have to admit, darlin' has a fair share of good dance moves. Nothin' like a hard-earned victory being celebrated with a cool glass of whisky and a smooth dance."
ARGUMENTS: "Bitter things that's all they are. Leaves you knocked out cold. Reminds you of all the things you can't take back."
SOMETHING TO SHARE: "Following the hunt ain't an easy task. But someone has to punish the wretched. That's the thing about the hunt- you get cold, hard. Sugar follows another path that doesn't make any fudging sense to me. But that doesn't matter. None of that ever mattered, not to them, not to me or even the hunt. Call it selfish, but I'd like to one day settle down... Just like their family. Out where no one could find us."
WHO ARE THEY? II "They call me their 'sweet lover'. But really it should be me saying that. If anything I am the sweat of their brow- a nuisance at times. But they still love me. They still fudging love me."
EXTRA: IPC ENTRY "Normally, Galaxy Rangers travel alone. However, we have seen the wanted Galaxy ranger- Boothill- be accompanied by someone who appears to be a vagabond follower of Xipe. Despite the information we possess, the relationship between Boothill and his supposed 'partner' is very limited."
𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄
WHO ARE THEY? I "Fancy meeting you here- oh? A rumor you say? Rumours do have peculiar ways of reaching the ears..."
FIRST MEETINGS? "All business ventures possess their gains and losses. However, I did not expect my pockets- alongside others- to be picked on a night meant to celebrate the Strategic Investment Department. The person who did it played their cards exceptionally well. I applauded them and the subtlety of their skills."
GREETINGS? "Despite their rather cunning nature, ( Name ) is quite kind... shockingly so. I thought their smile was a chip they played for their own meticulous advantage. *Chuckles* I was wrong, there was simply nothing to understand behind that smile."
PARTINGS? "One transaction after another, the universe keeps spinning. Don't keep up, you fall behind. Simple. I don't have to worry about that around them, or at least, for a while, until another wager must be made. Until the peck on the cheek is over."
ABOUT US: LOCKET "( Name ) has a keen eye for trinkets and bought- well stole- a locket for the two of us to share. I keep it with me, a lucky charm if you may."
ABOUT US: NAPPING "Personally, I don't nap. But, ( Name ) is a terrible influence and says I should. I must admit, waking up to them in the afternoon is not a bad way to spend my time."
CHAT: THEVERY "( Name ) is a thief... a good one at that. Oh don't worry, they struck a deal with the IPC. Primarily on their terms because they have been such a nuisance to the IPC. It's rather amusing seeing the IPC chase their own tail. We've definitely shared laughs over it."
CHAT: CONFESSIONS "Who could possibly love something so broken? It's like keeping a clock that won't tick or a deck of cards missing a queen. Sometimes, I wish they didn't care so much. It would be... easier."
PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Of course, a good game of cards is a fun way to pass the time. *Chuckles* Though, ( Name ) is a terrible player. Not that I mind, I'll guess I'll play the role of 'loser' this time around- best you not tell them."
ARGUMENTS: "What else is there to say? Nothing. That part is the worst."
SOMETHING TO SHARE: HEART OF GOLD "( Name ) steals to give to the poor. It's their motto... I saw them once with a group of kids on a planet in a distant star system. They were giving back to the orphanage- the smiles on the children's faces when given toys, marbles to be exact, were so bright."
WHO ARE THEY? II "In all honesty, I'm not quite sure. However, what I do know is that luck finally worked in my favour... I'll hold onto that for as long as I can."
EXTRA: DR RATIO'S OPINION "The gambler- without hesitation- will bet 'all in' even if it means his own life hangs in the balance. However, amongst the chaos of his bets, there is one person who will drag him back to reality... ( Name ). Aventurine will never gamble nor forfeit the one person who truly understands him. Even I don't fully understand the gambler's crafty nature. I suppose a thief is the only one who can and more importantly, will."
masterlist.
#—stellaronhvnters.#writing ᝰ.ᐟ#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#aventurine x reader#aventurine x reader angst#aventurine x reader fluff#aventurine x gn reader#aventurine x you#aventurine angst#aventurine fluff#hsr aventurine#boothill x reader#boothill x reader angst#boothill x reader fluff#boothill x gn reader#boothill x you#boothill angst#boothill fluff
3K notes
·
View notes