#that they would be happier more secure and feel more valued

[foreficfandom]

POV: You Are Actually MUCH More Powerful Than Alastor (1/2)

(Alastor x Reader, g/n, queerplatonic/sex and romance favorable, fan theories, God!Reader)

Overlords are common sinners that boast many indentured servants to their name. Some also focus on physical territory. Some, like Alastor, don't bother. After all, radio knows little physical limitations.

Every Overlord had their own method of gaining prowess. Know one knows how Alastor became so dangerous. The strongest of the lords. Possibly stronger than some goetia royalty.

You weren't sure, either, but you had an inkling.

Because unbeknownst to anyone, you weren't some common sinner soul.

You were unique. A being originating far from this Christian realm of Heaven and Hell. You were undying, or a reincarnation, or a demigod. But you kept on the down low, 'cause attention would have meant trouble.

You could feel that Alastor's magic was a dark, bloody thing, nestled deep in his chest and hooked tightly like barbed wire. It tasted like sacrifices. It smelled like ultraviolet. And you knew it was borrowed, almost seeing the leash around his neck out of the corner of your eye.

Through a shared interest in the Hazbin Hotel, you and Alastor became acquaintances. Months later, you were proper friends. You could tell that Alastor valued the kind and pure of heart, even if he also believed them pitiful. Because they reminded him of a pleasant, happier life. A hidden part of him wanted to believe in their hope and love.

He thought you were just another sinner soul, and you didn't give him a reason to know any better. You had a job as part of the hotel staff. Their accountant, or security, or maintenance. Or their head concierge, guest service agent, auditor, what have you. Something vital to the business, but nothing glamorous. Labor has always been your most successful mask.

He was growing to love again. His mortal self might have been more recipient of affections and bonds, but decades living in hell has twisted him, and you could see him despair over the lump in his throat. His defeat at the hands of Adam proved his limits. You felt him writhe for weeks afterwards, and you let him reap what he sowed.

Curious, you sneaked away one evening and drew from your well of power to step through the fabric of time, finding yourself on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain to watch a young Alastor drink the blood from a bloody corpse, and spitting it over his shoulder. Some loa watched this bastardized libation from across the crossroads, but what answered was far more malevolent.

Alastor agreed to a very dangerous exchange. He now had hold over magic impressive enough for a mortal, but you knew it to be a relatively bum deal compared to true power. He would hunger constantly for flesh just to feed its energy, which was a cleverly hidden clause to curse him further through devilish consumption. His shadow sprouted antlers and a maw of sharp teeth.

For two decades, Alastor hunted and ate. Always male victims, usually white men, individuals some might damn as monsters themselves - the abusers, the genociders, the murderously entitled. What was once a scared young man grew hollow and fat on the power.

You've seen enough. Stepping through once more, you joined Alastor in cooking an orzo for shrove Tuesday. Sharpening your gaze, you watched his reflection on the shiny metal surface of a pot, and saw the stitches embedded in his face, pulling tight and vicious.

You nonchalantly asked, "How did you become so proficient at the kitchen knife?"

"Well, I was taught that one could eat, or they could eat well," he replied in a sing-song voice. "And practice makes perfect! Hunger is truly the best teacher."

The meat he was pairing was pork, but you knew he's served human flesh for dinner at least once before. You didn't say anything, because they'd grow suspicious at how you could possibly know from just the smell.

Alastor allowed only you to join him in cooking, partly because he favored you so much more, also because you were a right hand at making a meal. You didn't mention that millennia of existence made one a right hand at any skill.

And tonight, he would begin to see it.

Leaving the broth to simmer, you grabbed a small pairing knife and one of the tomatoes. Instead of simply coring and slicing, you inserted 0.013'' of carbon, chromium, and manganese right between where the molecular cells of epidermis ended at the pericarp. In a single momentum of both your knife and the tomato, the skin was perfectly peeled within two rotations.

Alastor wasn't even looking at you. But he froze over the cutting board, rictus smile sharp.

You haven't even used magic yet.

Both the tomato epidermis and its flayed flesh were completely free of any trace of the other, so in one hand, you ignited the skin to transmogrify into a tiny figurine made out of its glycerin wax. In the other, the tomato was sacrificed in a hole of light-bending void for its animal equivalent - the tiny heart of some small animal, possibly a bird or an amphibian, beating calmly as if alive.

Alastor slowly turned his head to watch as a miniature wax replica of himself held the heart in both shaking hands, before doubling over to devour it whole, its relative size and gore very reminiscent of a large, juicy tomato.

A picture perfect snapshot of his fifth or sixth murder while alive. Some world war veteran that still longed for the battlefield and had exercised his frustration upon his mother and younger siblings. The man might have been rotten, but his warrior's blood had burned hot and nourished Alastor's gaping void particularly well.

(NEXT)

[tonyspank]

WH0 R U 3???

Summary: Tara’s worst worries are back. Will they scare you away?

Warnings: kissing (ew! right??), ghostface, violence, and bad writing 😞

A/N: pt.4 finna be a lit crazy movie yall. ALSO WHO’S GHOSTFACE????? who r yall suspecting

part 1 part 2

"That feels so good." Tara groans out, closing her eyes and sinking deeper into the plush covers of your bed. You playfully roll your eyes, continuing to rub her feet. "You're such a drama queen," you tease, a smile playing on your lips. Tara lets out a contented sigh, her body relaxing under your touch.

Tara couldn't be any happier, her worries faded about you. You didn't distance yourself from her, if anything, you were the one who started approaching her, texting her random thoughts throughout the day, and surprising her with little gestures of affection.

She had never felt so loved and cherished before. As the days went by, Tara realized that her heart was slowly healing from past hurts, thanks to your unwavering presence in her life. Your constant support and affection made her feel secure and valued, allowing her to let go of her to fully embrace the happiness you brought into her life.

"Have you thought about it?" Tara asks. You snap your eyes from your daydream and meet her gaze. "I can't come to the party, sorry, Tara."

Tara lets out a dramatic groan, "The frat won't even care! You're a cool professor!"

You chuckle, "Maybe...but that's just unprofessional. If someone reports me to the university, it could jeopardize my job. I can't take that risk." Tara pouts, and then a lightbulb clicks in her head.

"What if you wore a mask?" Tara's eyes light up with excitement as she suggests, "You could disguise yourself and go incognito! No one would recognize you!"

You actually consider her idea for a moment, it could be a fun and safe way to attend the party without risking your professional reputation or job.

"Uhh..." you hesitate a bit, unsure if wearing a mask would fully protect your identity. However, the thought of attending the party without any consequences is tempting, and you begin to seriously consider Tara's suggestion. "I guess I could do that."

Tara's eyes light up with excitement as she hears your response. "Yes!" she exclaims, sitting up quickly before pulling you into a passionate kiss. You begin laughing in the kiss, bringing Tara into a hug as you place more kisses on her cheek.

-

"I'm having second thoughts." You mumble to Tara, now dressed as Batman, her matching as Catwoman. Tara playfully rolls her eyes, taking your hand and dragging you quicker towards the Halloween party. "Come on, don't be a party-pooper," she teases, smiling widely in excitement.

You both enter the Halloween party hand in hand, met with half-drunk college students dancing and mingling in their elaborate costumes.

"There's Mindy and Anika! I'll be right back, I'm gonna go say hello." You watch as Tara weaves through the crowd, disappearing into the sea of costumes. You stand there alone a loud sigh escaping your lips.

You walk into the kitchen, deciding to get a drink for both you and Tara. You don't get too far as you're stopped by a ghost.

"Can you hold this for me? I'll be really quick, I just have to use the bathroom." The girl hands you her ghost costume, rushing off in the direction of the bathroom.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn around to see Tara, grinning mischievously. "Changing costumes?" You chuckle and shake your head. "No, just holding it for someone. They'll be back soon." Tara raises an eyebrow curiously. You put the ghost costume over the two of you, smiling.

"I like this mask." You say, tracing over Tara's very accurate copy of Zoe Kravitz's Catwoman mask. Tara smirks and says, "Thank you." You snicker, smiling back at her before bringing her into a kiss.

Tara tries her hardest not to break the kiss with her wide smile. You made her so happy.

Suddenly, the blanket is pulled off of you both, revealing the owner of the costume. Tara ducks away, walking back towards the living room with a bashful expression.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know—"

You cut her off with a wave. "You're fine, don't worry about it."

The owner of the costume smiles, walking away towards the kitchen. Tara blushes and shyly joins you again, causing you to chuckle. "Why'd you run? I thought the mask helped cover my identity?"You ask in a teasing tone, playfully nudging Tara.

She giggles, grabbing your hand and leading you further into the party.

"Batman!" You recognize the voice calling out to you. You turn to see Mindy, who ushers you over. You exchange a quick glance with Tara before making your way towards Mindy, with a bit of hesitation in your steps.

"Professor Y/LN, are you trying to duck me?" Mindy asks with a mischievous grin, causing you to laugh nervously, your heart pounding in your chest. How on earth did Mindy know it was you?

You try to play it cool, putting on a fake Russian accent—a bad one too. "Uh...Professor? I don't know of such guy." Mindy raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying your act. "Come on, I know it's you. No need for the accent," she says, smirking.

You sheepishly drop the accent, realizing that there's no fooling Mindy.

Anika joins in, "If you really wanted to hide your identity, you shouldn't have matched with Tara. I mean, who else has she been talking to lately? It's not exactly a secret that you two have been spending a lot of time together."

Mindy and Anika nod at each other in sync, leaving you feeling even more exposed.

"Can you guys, like...not pester Y/N? It's a party for Christ's sake," Tara interjects, coming to your defense. Mindy and Anika exchange surprised glances before finally relenting.

You breathe a sigh of relief before feeling yourself being pulled again.

You end up upstairs in an empty bedroom, sitting on the bed as Tara huffs to herself. She seems frustrated and agitated, her hands clenched into fists.

You can sense that she has something to say, but she struggles to find the right words. You take off your mask, sit up from the bed, and walk over to your girlfriend.

As you approach Tara, you gently place a hand on her shoulder, silently conveying your support and willingness to listen. Her tense expression softens slightly, and she takes a deep breath before finally finding the right words to speak her mind.

"I just wish we could be together without everyone judging us," Tara whispers. "It's exhausting constantly worrying about who sees us or what others will think or say about our relationship." You nod understandingly, softly grabbing her hand.

"Me too, T." You rub your thumb against the back of her hand, smiling. "If my job wasn't on the line, I would shout from the rooftops how much I adore you. But even though I can't, I hope you know I do truly cherish you."

Tara smiles. "I think I got that when you started giving me foot massages without protest." You chuckle, slightly rolling your eyes. "Yeah, I guess my secret is out."

Tara places a hand on the back of your neck, leaning in closer. "Well, lucky for you, I adore you too," she whispers, her breath warm against your lips.

Without breaking the kiss, you lift Tara, walking backwards, before laying her down on the bed and taking off her Catwoman mask.

Your favorite sound is heard—Tara's soft laughter playing in your ears. You break away from the kiss, kissing her face and neck. "I can't get enough of you," you confess, trailing kisses down her collarbone. Tara's fingers tangle in your hair as she pulls your mouth back toward hers.

"Tara!" You jump away from the girl, quickly trying to compose yourself. "Chad? What are you doing here?" Tara asks sitting up from the bed, surprised to see Chad standing in the doorway. You find your mask and turn around to see one of your students in the doorway, looking confused.

"Uh...Sam...Sam's here. She's downstairs looking for you." He stammers, his eyes darting between you and Tara. Tara glances at you, grabbing up her mask, before rushing out of the room to find Sam, Chad not too far behind.

You linger in the bedroom, not wanting to face Sam, and when you finally gather the courage to go downstairs, you slip out of the party and make your way home. Hoping your girlfriend isn't in too much trouble with her older sister.

When you're at home, fresh out of the shower, your phone begins ringing. Without even looking at the caller ID, you answer it. "Tara?"

The voice on the other end of the line is not Tara's, but it sounds very familiar. "So sorry to disappoint, but this isn't Tara." You furrow your brow in confusion, trying to place the voice.

"Who is this?" you ask, your heart pounding with anticipation.

"Now, where would the fun be in telling you that?" the voice teases. "You know, you should stay away from Tara."

You remember the voice. Ghostface—was this real? Or was this Laura pretending again?

Your mind races as you try to comprehend the situation.

No, it couldn't be. "Laura? Is this you?" The voice chuckles softly. "Why don't you turn on the news and see what happened to your co-worker? Maybe then you'll begin to understand this isn't some silly prank call."

No, it can't be.

Your hand trembles as you reach for the remote, flipping on the television. The news anchor's voice fills the room, confirming your worst fears - Laura's lifeless body had been found just hours ago.

"You see, Y/N? It's easy to get away with murder. Do you want to be the next professor on the list?" Your heart races as you try to comprehend the chilling words. You might be the next target of this deranged individual.

You run to your kitchen, all your knives are gone. Fuck! They had to be inside your apartment, but when?

Immediately, you run to your front door, opening it quickly, your eyes widening when Ghostface stands there, holding a knife and wearing a menacing mask.

You don't have any time to react. Ghostface stabs you in the shoulder, sending a searing pain through your body. The adrenaline kicks in, and you manage to push Ghostface away, slamming your door shut.

You quickly lock the door, desperately searching for a way to defend yourself.

Ghostface starts to kick on your door, trying to break it down. Panicking, you grab a nearby heavy object, ready to defend yourself if necessary. The kicks grow louder and more forceful, and you brace yourself for what might come next, prepared to protect yourself at all costs.

Ghostface successfully breaks down the door, lunging towards you with a knife. With quick reflexes, you swing the heavy object at Ghostface, making contact and momentarily stunning them. Seizing the opportunity, you sprint towards the front door and down your apartment steps.

You don't look back, you keep sprinting as fast as your legs can carry you. You manage to make it to the crowded streets, where you blend in with the bustling city dwellers.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you search for a safe place to hide, constantly glancing over your shoulder to ensure Ghostface isn't following.

A body clashes with yours, you jump slightly and instinctively brace yourself for an attack, but it's just...Tara?

"Tara?" you say, slightly out of breath. "W-what? Why..? What are you doing here?" Tara looks at you, confused but mostly relieved.

"Sam left the apartment to go to the police station after we saw the news of Professor Crane... I was just worried about you and wanted to make sure you were okay. And I...I was scared and wanted to be with you." Tara explains, her eyes staring into yours, full of vulnerability.

But it's soon replaced with worry, her eyes finding their way to your bloody shoulder. But it's soon replaced with worry, her eyes finding their way to your bloody shoulder.

She gasps and softly pulls you closer to examine the wound.  'What happened? Are you okay?"

"Ghostface called me and attacked me. Fucking lunatic was outside my apartment," you say through gritted teeth, wincing as Tara's gentle touch brushes against the wound. "He said something about staying away from you."

Tara's concern deepens as she hears your explanation, her brows furrowing in both fear and anger, regardless, she stays silent, unsure of what to say.

You clench your jaw. "But that's not happening, T. I won't let him scare me away. I adore you, remember?"

[mimble-sparklepudding]

Summer Symbolism OC Questions.

A little list of OC questions based on the symbolism of Summertime.

Sunflowers - Growth and Success.

What is the most significant way in which your OC has grown since the start of their journey? Do they acknowledge this? Have others noticed the change?

How does your OC feel about their height? Would they prefer to be taller? Or more petite?

What is your OC's current ambition? Has this always been the same thing? Or has it changed over time?

What does success look like to your OC? Great riches? Fame? Immense power? A happy marriage? Or something else entirely?

What are the main barriers to your OC getting what they want? Whether in terms of their ambitions or simply their personal development?

Butterflies - Freedom and Spontaneity.

Does your OC believe that freedom is the most important value that a society should hold? Or does it rank below things such as security, social harmony or adherence to traditions?

Does your OC like to make decisions on the fly? Or are they more inclined to plan carefully and weigh up every decision before they commit?

Does your OC welcome committed relationships with friends or partners? Or does a sense of mutual obligation feel constraining or even stifling?

Does your OC like to keep a calender, planner or some other way of organising themselves? Or do they prefer to wake up each day with no clear plan?

What is something your OC has always wanted to try, but has yet to do so? What is holding them back?

Swallows - Travel and Adventure.

To where would your OC most like to travel? Assuming that cost, distance and other practicalities were no object…

Is your OC particularly adventurous? Or would they really rather prefer a quiet life, if such a thing were possible?

Does your OC like to travel light? Or do they prefer to take as much luggage as possible? Or even bring as many of the comforts of home as they can manage?

In order for your OC to consider something an adventure does there need to be a level of danger? Or are they happier enjoying risk-free excursions?

What is something your OC always takes with them wherever they go? Is this for purely practical reasons? Or is there an sentimental motivation also?

Picnics - Nourishment and Sharing.

What is your OC's favourite food to eat in hot weather? Or do they not have much of an appetite in the heat?

What foodstuffs might your OC pack for a long journey? What would be their prime consideration in choosing what to bring?

Does your OC willingly share food? Or do they jealously guard it from the wandering fingers of peckish companions?

If your OC were to attend a party or social gathering where they were required to bring food then what would they bring? Would they make it themselves? Or are they more likely to buy it on the way?

What food(s) will your OC eat because they know it is good for them, even if they really don't enjoy it? Or is the health and nourishment aspect of food not really a major concern for them?

Beaches - Warmth and Relaxation.

Does your OC find it easy to relax? Or do they need to be persuaded (or nagged) away from their duties and responsibilities?

What would your OC wear for a day at the beach? Would they chose something practical? Something skimpy and slightly scandalous? Or would they remain fully clothed/armoured at all times and make no concessions to the location whatsoever?

Does your OC enjoy warm climates? If so then is this because they grew up in a hot area? Or because they grew up in a very cold area and are pleased to get away to somewhere hotter? If they dislike warm climates then why is this?

What helps your OC to relax? Gentle music? The sound of softly falling rain? A stiff drink? A massage? Or something else entirely?

What would be your OC's ideal choice of chilled beverage on a hot day? A cold ale? A frothy milkshake? A fizzy lemonade? An outrageous and somewhat campy cocktail, replete with paper umbrellas, curly straws and slices of exotic fruit? Or something else?

[blakeswritingimagines]

Their views on you

Batman: You are his soulmate, his reason for living, the person he wants to be with forever. He never wants to lose you and he can't imagine life without you. You are his heart and you mean more to him than anything or anyone else. He's so grateful that he has you in his life and he'll never take you for granted. He's so lucky to have found you and he cherishes every moment you share together.

Superman: He views his partner as his equal. You are his best friend, supporter, and source of guidance. You are someone he can count on in his darkest moments and someone he can be vulnerable with when he doesn't feel at his best. He admires your ability to always see the good in people and your kindness towards others.

Aquaman: You are his ray of sunshine, his rock on the rainy days. You bring balance to his life and are always there for him, no matter what. He loves the way you make him feel and it's something words can't quite capture. You know his heart and his soul and bring out the best in him.

Wonder Woman: Her partner is her world. You are her light and her darkness. You are what makes her world go round. She would be lost without you, you are her better half. Her strength. You fill her up where she is empty and you make the world a happier place.

Shazam: His significant other is his best friend. You share the same sense of humor, and your romantic relationship is one of open communication and acceptance. Your love grows stronger every day, and you both constantly strive to make each other feel loved and appreciated. He feels very blessed to have such an incredible partner in his life.

Flash: He values his partner's company, appreciates your kindness and empathy, and feels grateful for the opportunity to grow together and to become better versions of yourselves. In a word, he describes his partner as "my person"- someone with whom he connects on a deeper level than anyone else, someone who makes him feel loved and appreciated, and someone for whom he would do anything in the world.

Nightwing: Dick views his romantic partner as a constant source of comfort and companionship in a harsh world. He views you as a confidant who will always be there to support him and cheer him on, no matter what challenges arise. You are the one person who knows him best and understands him most, and he can always count on you to be there for him when he needs you the most. He feels safe and loved around his partner and he is grateful to have found you. He looks forward to growing and building a future with you, sharing his life in all its wonderful and difficult moments.

Red Hood: He views you as the main one to have his back. You're his rock, his shoulder to cry on, and someone who will be there for him no matter what. He knows he can trust and rely on you, and that you bring a sense of security to his life. The one he can be himself around without any judgments or repercussions. He loves you more than anything else in the world and would do anything for you, knowing You'd do the same in return.

Red Robin: You are his strength, a source of stability and support that never fails to help him through rough times. You are there to encourage him, give him advice, and guide him toward making the right decisions. Your positive attitude helps him stay strong. In addition, you are a source of motivation, helping him to work hard toward his goals. You make him want to strive to be at his best. And, when he's feeling low, your words of encouragement lift him up. You make him feel loved and valued.

Robin: His partner is his soulmate. You are the one person who understands him and loves him for all his quirks and faults. You are the one who accepts him as a whole, even the dark parts of himself. He'd say you are his safe place, where he can be his true and authentic self and know you fully accept him. He feels like you are two halves of one person, and it's a true love that's unlike anything he's ever experienced.

Batgirl: You are a special person in her life who she cares about deeply. In one word, you are her home. You are someone who knows her on a profound level and whom she can trust and depend on. In more detail, she sees you as a companion who has her back, who can be both a lover and a friend, and who is a partner in life. You are someone she can see herself spending the rest of her life with and growing old together, experiencing all the important milestones and moments in life together.

Superboy: Kent sees his romantic partner as someone who knows the importance of a life beyond mere existence. He loves you, but he also loves that you share a commitment to finding and embracing your own passions in life, and he sees you as someone to learn from and support, with whom he can connect deeply and meaningfully.

[letters-of-libertas]

I'm bi and yeah your note on women not having solidarity seems sadly true. Apart from not dating men would there be anything you would suggest to improve ones life apart from stating away from those women if possible?

I love this question because this is how to start thinking: being practical.

What it takes to "improve ones life" is subjective so with that said firstly define what a better life(style) for yourself away from moids would look like. Temporarily mentally remove xy terrorist existence. What would your habits/routine be? What would you work towards & pour your energy into? What would you want to be? What would you center your life around? Take your time with these questions or anymore that come up. Have a general idea then be more specific and start breaking your life down into sectors/sections/areas, then look at where you want to be in those areas and work towards it.

For example; I divide my life into 6-7 aspects:

Physical Strength - Not just about muscle but knowing how to fight, where to hit and when to fight. Being stronger makes it easier to defend yourself in altercations (especially with other women). Some mfs will try you & you cant always rely on others coming to your rescue. Also work on building stamina to help endurance, and keeping as healthy as possible.

Emotional Strength - If you cant control your emotions they will control you. In a world of chaos being emotionally strong will let you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters. Building emotional strength is not easy but it's worth it. Being able to rise above immediate reactions and pace yourself will allow you to assess situations more rationally & make more beneficial choices.

Finances - Get your bag up. Having money to gain resources is imperative to quality of life. I dont care what anyone says having a certain amount of money in life WILL make you happier as you're able to meet your needs better. Having more money/resources also makes it easier to support other women should you choose to do so, it also allows you to be more influential and have more control over your life. However, dont become a slave to getting money tho because that's how you get scammed.

Network - The type of people you hang around can make or break who you are as a person. Aim to connect with likeminded women who will encourage & inspire you as you go on this journey. Hang around people that value & will be honest with you while giving you grace. Not all women you engage with have to be single & childfree but beware the moid crazy ones because they will bring danger to you in their quest for maIe validation. Life isn't perfect but you cant go wrong having the right people around you, valuable relationships are hard to find but it goes a long way even if it's just online. However, no company > bad company.

Spirituality/Guide - Having something bigger than yourself to guide you through the chaos in this world can offer guidance/purpose that keeps you grounded & focused. For many people generally this is religion/god. Not everyone needs or ascribes to religion/spirituality though, but at least consider sets of morals/beliefs to follow. However even that isn't for everyone. So if you feel better off without spirituality or a 'higher' guide at least be clear on it & your reasons why (for yourself).

Hobbies & Interests - As turbulent as the world is, find things to enjoy amidst the chaos. Constant work, doom, and gloom will not change anything you will only hurt yourself. Take time to indulge in things that make you happy to recharge & relax. Engage in hobbies that serve you, share your passion with other women & hear theirs out too. It goes a long way in terms of mental health.

Security - It takes privilege to decide to not get married or have children as a woman & live it out. Everyone's situation is different so what I'll generally suggest is to constantly look into how you can protect yourself, have backup methods, and stay in the loop of xy predation. Dont drown in it but moids are predators & being completely blind to them is being blind to danger. Elaborated on point 10 here.

Sounds like a lot? Great, it'll keep you busy because this isn't a vacation or destination but a lifestyle. And to be honest, some of y'all can do with the busyness as it'll let you focus on what actually matters. This not to say to overwhelm yourself in things for the sake of it but to prioritise your energy on effective things for your life. As you focus on building you'll find that you have less energy to care about insignificant stuff or stuff out of your control anyways. For example, Instead of getting wound up about user somerandomadjectivefem stirring discourse calling you an extremist or whining about how impossible it is for her & other women to live without romantic love n' whatnot (or even women irl pulling this crap), you either ignore or quickly shut down the conversation & swiftly move on.

Everything I've mentioned are just examples, you may feel differently do whatever you feel best applies. Also remember to enjoy the process along the way as you are living through it afterall :3

Long story short: Work on building resources & other aspects of your life up for yourself.

[bethanydelleman]

Northanger Abbey Readthrough Ch 25

Catherine might have missed like 99% of Henry Tilney's flirting, but she has an inkling it has happened, maybe, "He had—she thought he had, once or twice before this fatal morning, shown something like affection for her."

Which is why I love this meme so much:

Again, Catherine touches upon Marianne Dashwood behaviour but she just can't really commit, "But now—in short, she made herself as miserable as possible for about half an hour, went down when the clock struck five, with a broken heart, and could scarcely give an intelligible answer to Eleanor’s inquiry if she was well." However, by the end of the evening and with Henry being kinder than ever, she has recovered. she had nothing to do but to forgive herself and be happier than ever; and the lenient hand of time did much for her by insensible gradations in the course of another day. She does indeed bounce back quickly!

Catherine reflects that in England at least, the type of villains described by Mrs. Radcliff must not exist. She doesn't go so far as to pardon France and Switzerland from containing such evil, but she's pretty sure about her own country. She also believes that while Henry and Eleanor may not be perfect (never!), she's certain that General Tilney has some "specks" in his character. Well you've come a long way girl, we won't ask for more just yet.

Murder was not tolerated, servants were not slaves, and neither poison nor sleeping potions to be procured, like rhubarb, from every druggist.

Quick, someone tell Shakespeare!

Now Catherine's thoughts return to Bath, but she has no news. Her faithful friend has proved unfaithful again: But Isabella had promised and promised again; and when she promised a thing, she was so scrupulous in performing it! Oh Catherine...

Not as bad as her brother though! Poor Thorpe is in town: I dread the sight of him; his honest heart would feel so much. Honest heart! That man doesn't have an honest cell in his entire body! I would have more hope for James if we knew he finally figured out John, but the only hint we have is this: the failure of a very recent endeavour to accomplish a reconciliation between Morland and Isabella. So James and John met again and John tried to get them back together, but whether James rejected both siblings or just one is unknown.

I really feel for Catherine here, she has to sit through breakfast trying not to cry, then cannot return to her room because it is being cleaned (bedrooms in this era were mostly for dressing and sleeping, so she wouldn't be expected to use her room again until 4pm*), tries the drawing room only to discover the Tilney siblings, but then they kindly leave her to herself. Catherine needs another half hour (her magical sad-feeling time) before she can face them.

This line from Catherine is so very Jane Bennet:

"Could you have believed there had been such inconstancy and fickleness, and everything that is bad in the world?”

What a stroke was this for poor Jane, who would willingly have gone through the world without believing that so much wickedness existed in the whole race of mankind as was here collected in one individual! -Pride & Prejudice, of Wickham

The poor girls, having their eyes opened to the wickedness of the world.

Then this part:

This post by Fira Wren playing in my head. His kids know the General is full of it. Eleanor is surprised her older brother has fallen in love, since it seems he never has been before, which again has Henry Crawford vibes.

No, not very. I do not believe Isabella has any fortune at all: but that will not signify in your family. Your father is so very liberal! He told me the other day that he only valued money as it allowed him to promote the happiness of his children.” The brother and sister looked at each other.

Now the reason that Isabella Thorpe would lose in a battle to the death against Lucy Steele and Lady Susan is that she didn't keep her first man secure until she had the next engagement entirely locked down. Rookie movie Izzy! I have too good an opinion of Miss Thorpe’s prudence to suppose that she would part with one gentleman before the other was secured. Isabella just could not manage two men at once.

I love this interaction:

This line from Catherine too, "I never was so deceived in anyone’s character in my life before.” and Henry's response: “Among all the great variety that you have known and studied.” has so much in common with this interaction in Pride & Prejudice:

“But perhaps,” observed Catherine, “though she has behaved so ill by our family, she may behave better by yours. Now she has really got the man she likes, she may be constant.” “Indeed I am afraid she will,” replied Henry; “I am afraid she will be very constant, unless a baronet should come in her way; that is Frederick’s only chance. I will get the Bath paper, and look over the arrivals.”

“I did not know before,” continued Bingley, immediately, “that you were a studier of character. It must be an amusing study.” “Yes; but intricate characters are the most amusing. They have at least that advantage.” “The country,” said Darcy, “can in general supply but few subjects for such a study. In a country neighbourhood you move in a very confined and unvarying society.” “But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them for ever.”

Henry also manages to tip us off about his intentions to marry Catherine right under Catherine's oblivious nose!

"Prepare for your sister-in-law, Eleanor, and such a sister-in-law as you must delight in! Open, candid, artless, guileless, with affections strong but simple, forming no pretensions, and knowing no disguise.”

“Such a sister-in-law, Henry, I should delight in,” said Eleanor with a smile.

Catherine also realizes that she feels much less sad about losing Isabella than she thought she would, which Henry tells her to think about. The falseness of Isabella's friendship is dawning on Catherine, perhaps now just unconsciously.

*Quote illuminating this point from Wives & Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell, spoke by a character who would have been young during the Regency era: 'No, no, Cromer: bedrooms are for sleeping in, and sitting-rooms are for sitting in. Keep everything to its right purpose, and don't try and delude me into nonsense.' Why, my mother would have given us a fine scolding if she had ever caught us in our bedrooms in the daytime. We kept our out-door things in a closet downstairs; and there was a very tidy place for washing our hands, which is as much as one wants in the daytime.

[spearxwind]

Oof I'm kinda scared to ask... Why do you not want to be an artist professionally?

Its just like, incredibly miserable in my experience.

Everyone wants their dream job of being paid to draw whatever the hell they want but 99% of the time you are hired and tasked to draw things that you don't have a lot of interest in, professionally speaking, and constantly getting your artistic efforts undermined by the rest of the team (this is esp. true in the videogame industry) artists always try to push for better designs and get their takes watered down for the sake of general public pleasing. Also you don't have a security blanket unless you're under long term contract. Most freelancers live gig to gig with the fear of not being able to support themselves if they don't take a job to take a break. Videogame and movie jobs arent stable because companies never keep the art teams, they are laid off and rehired whenever there is a new project

During my major, I drew nonstop for 4 years for class. Not always things I enjoyed, but also not always things I didnt like. In fact I enjoyed my major immensely! It was so fun. But the burnout is very, very real, and the workload was similar (even inferior to) regular art jobs. What happens if you like to draw in your off time? You spend your days making and pumping out art nonstop for hours, and then on your free time breaks you draw some more? I personally couldn't do it. I just wanted to do other things

And like.... I spent the first three years being told by teachers (people with stable, contract based jobs) how cool of a job it is to do art, and then the last year getting grilled on how insanely hard it is to make it out there. If you don't have connections, money, an audience, a studio, it's actually impossible. You need to be your own lawyer, abide by the very strict self employment rules that take a severe chunk out of your earnings. Do all of your finance/schedule/marketing etc while on top of that constantly producing work (I know there's people who can do it but, personally, I cannot) I really admire the people who were able to build themselves up as artists from the ground like this (because its definitely possible, just insanely hard)

Also, making something you love into your job ends up being miserable too. I experienced this with patreon, which I posted to as like a chill thing and it just got increasingly hard to make content for it or just post in general, even drawing my own ocs and sharing stuff about them started to feel like a chore.

Maybe it's just me though, this has just been my personal experience but yeah in general I realized I am immensely happier just keeping art as a hobby or its gonna suck my soul out (Since I already experienced it)

I don't mean to discourage anyone, I think the world in general needs more artists. But for that we would need to actually be taken seriously and valued, which sadly we are not, at all. And if there's anyone reading that is considering art as a job: it is absolutely grueling. It's not an easy job. Even if you desperately love art it can suck the life out of you and the joy for what you do

(As an extra sidenote. Artists are usually exploited using this mentality as well. That they are supposed to love their job. So they expect you to work your wrists off "For the passion". Dont fall victim to it)

[slow-writer]

TMAGP (and TMA, indirectly) Spoilers and Thoughts...

You have been warned...

I wasn't part of the original TMA crowd back when it was first airing. I'd heard mutterings of it, but never really thought much about it. To be honest, I probably wasn't mentally ready for it back then. Instead, my younger sister started listening to it last year and then kept talking about it until something she said made me go, "Y'know what? Okay. I'm in."

I ended up bingeing through it during work this past October, and holy sh*t. I fell down the rabbit hole hard. (Maybe, in this case, it would be more akin to running face first down those coffin stairs? I digress.) Being so new to it when everyone else had already been swallowed up by the sky, it was cool to dig into the Wikis that had already been made, to see the links and foreshadowing.

But now, it's the beginning of TMAGP, and I actually get to listen the day they release, to jump on here, or reddit, or tiktok, or wherever to be a part of the theorizing AS IT HAPPENS. And boy oh boy, I'm happier than Simon Fairchild in the stratosphere.

Do I have a notebook to jot down my thoughts as I listen? Of course, I do. Do I have multiple tabs open, some with ARG info, some with TMA info, and yet more with references to alchemical symbols and practices? Duh. Have I started my own spreadsheet for it all? Well, if you knew about my Lego Dimensions spreadsheet.... nevermind. Yes, I have.

But nothing beats being able to talk (or type) about it with other fans, like my sister, or those faceless avatars (lol) of the interwebs. And man, has my brain been CHURNING.

First, let me get out of the way that I wasn't able to take part in the ARG as it was happening, and my goodness! I'm so happy there are other people out there like me who were able to sum up and load it up for the rest of us to learn about. No idea how much of it will be *necessary* to unlock all the secrets, but I'm the kind who loves to know trivia just cos. And the details I am learning definitely pull me deeper.

Second, I feel like in the beginning of TMA, there was barely anything for the listeners to dig through. One guy working on behalf of an organization, trying to dig through seemingly implausible and overly spooktastic first-hand statements dating back centuries that are in crazy disarray from the previous archivist, and he's laying on a hefty helping of "this is utter balderdash, complete poppycock, and absolute piffle" opinion. It was a slow burn, something that (as an American, and being exposed to so much more instant gratification in storytelling than necessary) UK storytellers seem to be experts in, and was even more expertly done in this case, since so many little things had to eventually build up without listeners automatically assuming what would happen next, without them getting bored.

But TMAGP is already so full of so much extra stuff, so many little things (even before it was released) that we may all get BURIED in the sheer amount of data we think is vital. We're not listening to tapes this time, we're definitely listening via internet-connected devices, like computers, mobile phones, and security cameras. So, while TMA had old tape recorders magically appearing (or were they being dragged by hordes of spiders?) and switching themselves on so they could hear all the random happenings within the archive, TMAGP is no longer reliant on such hand-wavery. Whatever/whoever is listening can do so from anywhere to anyone they want. That makes the world of TMAGP

SO MUCH BIGGER.

Third, I know not everyone who listens to these things is like me (or, let's face it: us--there are so many fans doing regular deep dives on here, we should have our own categorization on the wiki). There are bound to be listeners who just leave everything at face value and wait for the story to unfold itself organically, and when it's done, it's done. But even as an adolescent, when I got into something, I did my best to listen to, watch, or read everything I could find on that very niche thing. At least for a while. (Hello, undiagnosed ADHD!)

So, I watched/listened to a couple interviews and Q&As regarding the new show prior to release. And while both Alex and Jonny have been clear saying you don't have to have listened to TMA to enjoy TMAGP, I kind of think just saying that is leading us TMA fans in a very specific direction. And I think it's very intentional, and that a lot of fans either haven't heard about it yet, or are choosing to ignore it.

They say that TMAGP is tangentially related to TMA in that there will be familiar themes, but

it's taking place in a completely different universe from TMA;

time in TMA worked differently (especially during the Entity Torturepalooza in S5) towards the end, so dates of events there may not line up with dates or events in this universe; and

the main or overarching theme is different.

In TMA, the story was "what makes a monster a monster?" As in, is there a line one crosses that they can't return from? Is it a physical manifestation, like it alters their appearance? Is it an action they have to take? And does that action have to be done willingly, or can it be coerced? Does becoming the monster to protect someone else, or to achieve a greater good... does any of that matter?

In TMAGP, they've already said that the story will be "what makes a person a person?"

The implications of that sentence are many and mind-boggling.

I first thought it had something to do with the idea of the humane (not human): kindness, empathy, compassion. The ties that bind us together as people (like being fans of a little horror podcast from across the pond) could be part of this.

But, now that we have 5 episodes out, and a metaphorical army of lore-deep-divers digging through every word and sound effect and episode title, I think we can truly start to figure out where we're heading.

Artificial Intelligence.

It struck me as I was re-listening to the first episode this morning. (I really am trying to fill out my spreadsheet in a semi-logical manner and with as many pertinent details as possible, really. That's the main reason I was doing that this morning. At least, that's what I tell myself.) We are hearing all these happenings over web-connected devices (don't think I don't see you, Alex and Jonny, and your oh-so-hilarious punning!), the OIAR employees are working on a modified business-forward version of Windows NT 4.0 that precedes Windows 95 that has a name that we interpret as 'Freddy' (or Freddie, depending on where you are in the transcripts), one of the documents from the ARG was a spreadsheet called 'Klaus' (which IS the name of the former IT guy Gwen's asking about because she heard/saw young Lena arguing with him), and we have at least 3 text-to-speech "voices" that Alice has given names (Chester, Norris, and Augustus).

All of that was running through my brain, and then I heard this passage within the first few minutes of the episode:

LENA - Nonsense. Sam is the only one who has had any cake so far. GWEN - And that was only because you practically forced it down his throat. SAM - No, no, it was… nice. LENA - People like chocolate cake.

People like chocolate cake? She didn't even ask her employees (all 5 of them at that time) what flavor they'd prefer, or if they'd want something else? No. She just knows a fact that "people" like chocolate cake, so of course, her employees--who are people--would like chocolate cake.

Almost like a computer following a logic-based workflow, perhaps?

Lots of people have been trying to figure out who in the office is the Big Bad, and many are saying Gwen just because of her ambition and her last name (Bouchard), but I think her name is a red herring. Others are saying Alice knows more than she lets on (and so many are hating on her, and I will NOT ABIDE THE ALICE DYER SHADE because I love her and I would very probably hide bodies for her) but I agree that certain things she's said are a little sus, though they really could just be her personality. I really have known some women like her, and they are some of my favorite people. (Plus, the fact that we now know that she's the most tenured employee at the OIAR--save possibly Lena--does make the brain churn some more.)

But with this line about chocolate cake, and how she was unable to join them at the pub, and how we haven't had a scene with her outside of the OIAR office, it makes me think that Lena might just be part code.

[Let me also add this really quick: I've seen A LOT of people trying to make the current episodes fit into Smirke's 14 +Dekker's 1, but I don't think the Entities as we codified them are what we're dealing with in this universe. I think trying to link everything back to that show will be a lot of wasted thought, because as they said, this isn't a direct sequel. (Do I think it's actually Jon, Martin, and Jonah--yes, Jonah, not Jurgen--trapped in the computer system? A bit, but it won't shatter my appreciation if the voices are something else entirely.)

Plus, I've seen others saying that the statements we've heard, while creepy, aren't all necessarily to do with fear. Most of them are about desires and obsessions.

The woman who wanted so desperately to see her dead husband again that she'd get scammed over and over to possibly resurrect him;

the person who wanted to spelunk an 'unsolved' site to the point of crime;

the woman who wanted to finally feel comfortable in her skin to the point of disfiguring herself;

the man who wanted so badly to climb out of his assigned station and achieve fame that he'd regularly 'feed' his violin blood from other people;

and the man who wanted to feel the same terror he felt when watching scary movies with his dad when he was a kid to the point of chasing down 'borderline illegal films' and ignoring LITERALLY ALL the red flags to the end.

I think that theory is the closest to what we may actually encounter.]

I've seen others on reddit saying they think that this series will be about the race to create the philosopher's stone--the stone that creates the elixir of life and, essentially, immortality. I think it's a valid idea. But, what if it went further than that?

Because with all the alchemical hints dropping in the show's logo, the ARG, and the 3-category system to the statements (yes, I'm keeping track) that could make one think of the spirit, the mind, and the body in alchemy....

What if they're trying to create life from software?

What if these entities or desires or whatevers have been working through some ancient busted code, feeding off statements from "real" humans experiencing strong emotions, watching the employees that work with it every single night, so they can create something as close to a human as possible from just wires and 3 decades of unreadable code?

Oh lord... it just occurred to me that--due to this being a HORROR podcast--they might need to collect a skin suit for the Not Quite Human. Is that what happened to Klaus? Ick. And now I'm hoping I'm wrong.

[rav-rabies]

Hi Fi Rush Headcanons/ideas pt 2 Villains

Pt 1

The other half of those silly idea running around my head.

Kale Vandelay

Triple Taurus

Will tell you he's a Jazz man actually mostly listens to Nu metal and Butt Rock

His deepest desire is to reclaim the security and happiness he felt as a child while his father was still alive.

After losing his father and now being expected to give up his weekends to help care for his sister, he ran away from home and ended up living on the street for a few months

The bosses he hired (except Korsica) were people he had known for years before becoming CEO.

He bounced around multiple hobbies throughout his life and is actually good at a few of them but never found a true passion or calling in life.

Still finds his life a good one even if he feels something is missing.

Was a Business Major but minored in Theater. Mostly a B student with a few C's. his only A's where in some of his theater classes.

Rekka

Sun: Aries, Moon: Virgo,  Ascending: Virgo

Rekka was much more stable even though she had her personality quirks before having to deal with Kale's piss poor management Mimosa's constant gossip and especially Zanzo overworking her with his constant ideas.

Was a professional wrestler before a work place accident costed her her hands.

At first could not afford new hands because the CEO did not offer health insurance claiming she was an independent contractor.

Fearing growing backlash The CEO called in a favor from then Vice CEO Kale. Kale realizing he could spin this as the type of "pity case" his mother loved, earning points with her and getting rid of an IOU.

Roxanne ended up liking Rekka and hired her to work in production as a director. She rose through the ranks with her hard work and dedication to detail.

She quit after her fight with Chai and learning about How the hell someone like Zanzo got his job.

Zanzo

Sun: Scorpio, Moon: Sagittarius, Ascending: Leo

Birthday: Halloween

Wants to be admired for who he his, not for what others get out of him.

Believes creation exists for creations sake.

He is no contact with his mother and for good reason (Kale almost apologized to his mother when he found out.) He rarely thinks of her and is happier for it.

He tried, in vain, to get Kale to see the value in letting go.

Father was a Roadie and took Zanzo on the road with him. Zanzo knows how to play multiple instruments, guitar, keyboard and bass. His father also taught him car repairs.

He was in a biker gang as a teen (It's a jojo reference I'm allowed) and still owns a motorcycle that he likes to ride.

He met Kale when Kale ran away from home. They both got into a club they were too young to be in. He watched over the sheltered suburbanite and Kale decided to keep Zanzo around. Literally, he would sneak Zanzo into his house when his mother was out.

Finds no value in the work he does under Roxanne, despite it's humanitarian value as it is not his work. Just something for Roxanne's vision that he gets a paycheck for.

Saw his time after meeting Kale to his time as the Department head as the best years of his life, which are over now.

Mimosa

Sun: Gemini Moon: Leo  Ascending: Aries

Divorced mother with a daughter.

Has know Kale since high school.

Roxanne liked Mimosa as a teen and even sympathetic after her divorce but her worse traits were harder for her to hide from Roxanne.

Roquefort

Sun: Capricorn, Moon: Taurus, Ascending: Capricorn

Actually a Jazz Man

Was Mr Vandelay best friend and was the best man at his wedding

Is a widower himself after losing his husband to illness.

Has known Kale his whole life and was a father figure to Kale after his father's death.

Retired after his defeat.

[fictional-love-is-my-life]

May I get reaction hc's for how bay Optimus hound, bee, hotrod, and sentinel prime would react to a femme cybertronian being able to bring any bot down from a war/battle/trauma or any type of mind panic attack from being in battle or having a ptsd breakdown. Like she can make any bot go from extremely over stressed and panicked to calm and relaxed just by being near them and having her hand on their shoulder or a hug or just by her presence being very understanding and kind. Like having a security blanket or holding an item that makes you feel secure and happy 🪻🧸

Warnings: PTSD, panic attacks.

Optimus:

He's glad to have her on the team. He knows the war is tough, especially on others more so. He does feel guilty about all the suffering they have to go through.

Sometimes he wishes he could offer more support to mechs. But he is busy and he also feels as though his presence could be a trigger.

Which is why he is incredibly grateful for her presence. Just knowing she is there soothes him. He is proud of the work she does.

Hound:

He likes having her around. He definitely feels calm around her. She's even able to get him to open up about things he never thought of before.

He'll do everything he can to protect her and keep her safe. She is so good and kind.

He swears on his and every other bots life that he will won't let anything happen to her.

Bumblebee:

He is very appreciative of her. He's been through a lot and before he met her, he just took everything on alone. He kept it all inside thinking that was what he was supposed to do.

Then he met her and he opened up. He doesn't get anxiety or panic attacks, but he feels so much lighter and happier when around her.

He spends quite a lot of time with her. He knows the others need her too, but when she is free he likes to be around her.

Hot Rod:

She helps out with the older mechs at Burton's home, so Hot Rod knows of her magic. That is what he calls her, magic. He likes having her around and thinks what she does is incredible.

He loves watching her help calm bots down. It gives him a warm feeling knowing those bots don't have to suffer when she is around.

He hasn't had any issues himself, but he still enjoys her company and values her friendship.

Sentinel Prime:

He knows there are many bots that struggle with the harsh realities of war. He tries to tell them that it is what it is and they have to accept it and adapt.

At first, he was critical of her presence, thinking she should focus on getting them back to the fight. But he began to realize that didn't work. So he let her do her thing.

In the end he'd rather have her calm the bots down and eventually get them back to the fight than push them too hard and break the bot further.

[wibble-wobbegong]

Something something tell me about the relationship between sense of duty and self preservation when Mike wants to present himself as El's perfect nice het boyf. I know he's so so aware of this dilemma and may or not be mentally shitting on himself for it but I am very curious on how you think it is playing out otherwise🤔🤔🤔

*cracks my knuckles* it’s been a while but im feeling impassioned about my boy rn. forgive me if this is cruddy

When we’re looking at these two pieces of Mike, it’s important to understand that it’s rather paradoxical. I’ve failed to explain this before, but I think I finally have the words for it.

So, as far as Mike’s sense of duty, we’re all well aware that it’s very intense. When he feels like he must be dutiful or that he owes someone, he does so with a vigor that’s unmatched by any other character. What he decides as deserving of his loyalty, however, is not something that’s always perceived as fair by the audience. Most of us, as far as I have seen, agree that Mike should have been loyal to Lucas and gone to his games, but Mike clearly doesn’t agree with that sentiment. He felt betrayed by Lucas as he joined the basketball team and yearned for popularity rather than him continuing to be a full fledged nerd like Mike.

Lucas was Mike’s rock throughout S3, which is when we saw him following the route of normalcy alongside Lucas. Or attempting to do so. Their mutual feeling of betrayal is rooted in Mike returning to his truer self whilst Lucas does the same– they just happen to desire different things in life. Lucas wants to be treated like everybody else and be able to balance his nerdier side and a more stereotypical life, which we see him attempt to do in S4. Of course, at the end, Lucas comes to understand that popularity and such is not what he expected it to be. That doesn’t mean he didn’t want it, he just has a morality that is stronger than his wants for security.

Mike, on the other hand, doesn’t and never has actually wanted to be normal. It’s been a thing he’s forced himself to be and proceeded to fail miserably in doing so. He isn’t and doesn’t want the popularity and sense of belonging in stereotypical groups, and it’s painted in the argument scene between Mike and Dustin vs Lucas where we witness Mike hanging his head as though he understands Lucas’ wants, which Lucas would hope he would, but he can’t bring himself to prioritize this over his sense of betrayal.

This is all to demonstrate that Mike has carried his personal value of loyalty all the way to S4 from S1, so it’s an immovable trait of his, even as it evolves. However, he still deeply cares about his friends, even if he does feel betrayed. In S1, despite believing El had betrayed him, he didn’t kick her out to the streets. He was clearly upset with her, but not enough to risk putting her in serious danger. With Lucas, he’s upset as well, but we see the guilt clouding him fighting against the anger he feels. The difference between these two situations is that Mike feels as though Lucas chose to leave whereas El didn’t leave. The level of danger is different, sure, but Lucas still risked himself by approaching these people who reflect those who bullied the Party in the past. Mike has changed over time, and his bottled up emotions and inability to let himself truly free has built up and his anger has started to outshine his deeper sense of loyalty.

That being said, we also see Mike’s dedication differ based on how much he believes he owes a person. In El’s case, he owes her a lot. She brought Will home to him and he had promised her a relationship. She has saved them countless times. She’s a superhero. Mike’s devotion to El is much stronger than anybody else as a result. He has prioritized her over everybody else in his life, even the people who make him happier, because he knows El desires this with him. El has given him no reason to feel betrayed for 3 of the 4 seasons, and Mike grew to care about her very quickly. When Mike cares, he cares a lot. He carries intense emotions about basically everything and tends to overreact, which can come out as spurts of anger or sadness, but it can also be seen as pushing himself to do an unnecessary amount for El specifically, in recency.

Here’s where it gets somewhat paradoxical. Mike’s sense of duty is strong, but as a result he’s become unable to express himself with anybody. You’d think that Mike’s duty would become central to Will, and we know that it is as soon as El is gone. It’s made clear in S2. Unlike anybody else, Will has the unique trait of being Mike’s best friend. He’s the only person Mike will allow himself to open up to, and we saw that with his explosions in S3 and his softness in S4, especially in the van. Mike has to protect himself and this identity he upholds when he’s with El so her happiness is maintained, but his dynamic with Will means he’s able to actually express himself and rely on Will– those emotions tend to be negative and sometimes hurtful because all of it gets laid onto Will. All his frustrations and problems are talked through with Will because he’s the only person Mike can trust in such a way.

As a result, we see Mike painted as selfish and a shitty friend to Will. We know Mike is willing to be there for Will when he truly needs it and we know Mike wants to be there, which we see in S2 and S4 (regardless of whether or not he called, he still listened to Will and made amends). S3 is a unique situation of Mike being incredibly stressed and feeling as though he has to isolate himself from this either part of him entirely in order to maintain his persona of El’s boyfriend. This gets taken out on Will as well. A major part of this is that Mike views his entire self as unworthy of being El’s boyfriend, so he attempts to mold himself into the person he believes she deserves, but this means cutting out anything not considered normal. Obviously Will was insisting on doing things the old way of the Party, which he shouldn’t be blamed for whatsoever, but on an even deeper level Will is tied to who Mike truly is as a person and he refuses to change himself, meaning Mike can’t swerve his way around that part of himself so he feels as though he needs to suppress and even abandon Will (somewhat). When Will digs his heels into the ground and tugs on Mike, desperate to bring back the boy he knew, Mike gets pissed off and yells. This is quickly overtaken by his care for Will, which is why he runs after him.

Mike cares about Will, but he was warring with himself over who he thinks he’s supposed to be versus who he actually is. El is representative of his commitment to those he loves, but Will is representative of the freedom of self. Mike has been struggling to balance these two for so long because they’re core parts of who he is. He values his sense of duty in the highest regard but there is nobody who doesn’t want to be themself deep down. Mike has not yet learned to prioritize his sense of self over his sense of duty due to his own belief that he isn’t special or worth loving when he is himself, so he allows himself to be overcome with his duty.

We’ve seen him acknowledge that he recognizes his shitty behavior and wants to be better, but still struggles. Yet, as soon as Will promises him that he is loved for who he is and that he is special and gives him strength in that way, we see him smiling and able to connect with El on a level that isn’t false romance but friendship and love. El clearly prefers this Mike, as we see her smiling and laughing with him when they aren’t forcing themselves into a relationship neither of them are happy in. This is ripped away, however, when Will says, “You’re the heart!” because Mike had truly thought those were Will’s words in the van. He knows El would never say those things, so is heart is crushed with the realization that Will had lied to him: he’s not special, he’s not really the heart, he’s not anything Will described. Mike reverts back to his sense of duty immediately and the pain for both him and El is clear.

Basically, it’s a matter of his inability to prioritize himself and his happiness over his dedication, how he views El as someone he owes and how he views Will as a piece of his happiest and most genuine self, and the fact that he feels as though he must hide his truest self in favor of being the person he thinks El wants, which leads to him pushing Will away and fighting with him despite his desperate want to be himself. He flips around so much because of this push and pull in his head and El and Will not really expressing to him what the want from him. El doesn’t really want a relationship with him, she just thought it would make her normal. Will wants Mike so badly but he can’t tell him that, so he fights for what he thinks Mike’s happiness is. Mike doesn’t communicate what he wants to either of them. All three of them are hot messes.

[gaz-light]

CW: Me but ugly

Ya know what fuck it. I don't intend to this mid week. I wanna do it now while I've got the time and honestly I'm a bit excited.

This is John. He's the guy I used to be. I don't have many other pictures of him but I saved these ones for this purpose. They're some of the few I could stand for some reason.

It's hard to think I ever used to look like that. Think or act the way I did. You could go back right now and tell him the events of the past like year or so and honestly he'd probably understand it. Would be too scared as shit nervous and doubtful to ever believe it. Hated himself too much to imagine it being this way.

This is how I started off on Hormones 1 year ago. 5/31/22. Somewhere between 11/7/21 and 4/9/22 everything went to shit. I crashed my motorcycle and broke my arm, ended up broke, didnt get into grad school, the girl I was madly in love with just let me know I was being replaced by someone with a pussy. It took about everything happy in my life turning to shit over night to finally crack the egg that I had been growing in for so long.

There were signs before. Things I always knew. Always hung out with girls. Liked sapphic content. Felt detachment from peers of my agab, enjoyed pretending at being an internet femboy. Horribly autistic. Fucking hated my body. Hated hated hated hated hated. I had a closeted sissy kink and dressed up FOR YEARS. So much more. Eventually I started hooking up with trannies the same way I hooked up with lesbians and things began to click. Something in me thought ya know what, I don't have to just admire and adore and yearn for them. Then a good friend of mine consoling me one April night more or less extended an invitation and I didn't look back.

And then she was born. I think these photos are from maybe a month post starting HRT. Would you believe I hadn't seen myself without facial hair in like 10 years before this point. I hadn't shaved it all off since I was 13. I'm hispanic. Greek and Cuban so I've had this accursed facial and body hair for fucking ever. I was so afraid the first time I picked up that razor. I didnt know if I'd like what was on the other side. I felt safe and secure in the validation I got from other people that I thought it'd be ok if I was just unhappy with myself forever. I hated whatever I was so much that I didnt have the energy to care for her.

Then I shaved.

I looked in the mirror and I thought that girl looked kinda cute. For the first time I really didnt think I looked so bad. My friends were very supportive thankfully. Not everyone was. Certainly not dear old dad who still wont call me by my name or gender me properly. The man who told me god had cursed him with 2 faggots. My little trans brother and I. The man who let me know I was a disappointment and that neither I or anyone of us were real women. I still havent forgiven him for so much. But I am trying to let it go. Even the cis people were kinda nice. I lost some who were kinda edgy friends from highschool. Nothing of value was lost.

Since then I've worked to navigate the professional world as a woman. My first boss at my first real post college job was this British woman from England who made my life kinda hell. Preyed upon and picked on me and embarrassed me professionally. One of the 2 other women at the office. She never would admit to it but I think she resented me for it. I was also the only tranny there. Well sorta. There was 1 other who worked down in facilities doing the trash and dishes for the labs. But not up there. Not on the 8th floor with us in the "war room".

And this is where and who we are now 1 year later. Same eyes. Same 5'0 looking ass. But happier. Smiles when she looks in the mirror. Can actually do things for herself. Set boundaries. Care. Maybe she can even love too. I've placed myself into countless lesbian romance fantasies and I feel like I have a shot at living them. I used to be like 200 pounds. I'm down to 128 and also built like a brick house full of muscle. I was horrified of being trapped in that body of mine forever and the fear and doubt that I'd never make it even this far scared me into doing nothing until i had little else to lose.

Let me leave you with some wise advice that friend who cracked my egg once gave to me: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.

Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself. Happy birthday Morrigan. I love you.

[pryzme-colour]

Showing off a oc 💅

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

Hasukaze maintained an eccentric and lively personality in both ancient and contemporary times. The historical moment and her clan context helped the development of a firm and friendly attitude in most of the members, including her.

Since her puberty she showed interest in the world of jujutsu and competitive fights with sorcerers, although none of them to death, as they were not satisfactory for her and the Soga clan always had peace policies for practicing Buddhism.

In the last 10 years of her life (30-40) and due to not having considerable rivals in her time, she showed progressively losing interest in this hobby and began to desire stronger connections in addition to those of duel opponents. Seeking to be appreciated sentimentally more than physically, thus, wanting to achieve a marriage, although never completing this last wish.

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘:

Hasukaze was born into the Soga clan, a clan related to the politics of ancient Japan during the Asuka era. Daughter of the clan leader, she lived a comfortable life among luxuries and in the security of a rich family.

Her childhood was easy although difficult for a girl who had no interest in the letters.

Her parents, when she was about to turn 8, decided that they would give her something special, looking for ideas, but finding what they was looking for in the most important treasure of the clan; the vase of abundance.

The vase, upon receiving enough offerings and prayers, let out something peculiar from inside; a blessing shaped like a cloud which acted like a little animal. It was easy to deal with, and they thought it were ideal.

The birthday arrived and a party was held where the gift was made. She couldn't have been happier, she had a new playmate.

They grew up together, he was part of the family. He gave her freedom when she needed it, after all, she could go to beautiful places. Hopefully it also would take her to meet good opponents in a future, as by observing the fights, the young hasukaze developed a taste for participating.

She trained in the world of sorcery fighting, and although her violence did not match that of many of her opponents, her skill was unmatched. Many of them, out of pride and honor, did not accept that they both lived after these encounters, however, she would not accept that desired result, her father had not taught her that way.

Her life was a routine; spend time in the clan, go exploring, fight and join parties. As time passed she no longer found new opponents, much less capable of beating her. This caused her a feeling of dissatisfaction, and reaching her 30s, she looked for other forms of recreation, coming to the conclusion that perhaps she could find it in more everyday activities, but she already did them. That's why she thought more and for the first time she felt alone, remembering that in the end, her job was to follow the lineage.

Hasukaze had never hugged or kissed someone romantically or in a sexual way, much less established a relationship. So she decided to look for that type of connection, although obviously in her own way.

At first she thought it was simple, but she realized that it really wasn't. The men of her clan were boring, well-spoken, delicate and always busy with paperwork and spiritual things. They didn't come out of the mold and none of them were able to follow her free and fiery lifestyle.

Outside her clan she could find better opportunities but, due to bad luck or a clash of faith and values, they were not looking for someone like her. She wasn't going to lower herself, she was the heir of the best clan and she didn't need someone's favor, they needed her favor! It was a privilege to be around her, and it would be a privilege to be her partner. If it wasn't in her way it would never be.

She was reaching her 40s and had not achieved her goal, although at least she found some solace in her routine, which gave her some fun. She could even say that she had forgotten to make a commitment, although sometimes that wish lingered in her mind.

When she was 40 years old, a stranger to the city stopped by the clan headquarters. He was looking for her, it seemed like she had made some fame in her golden years, she thought. They spoke in a private place. He wanted to offer her a deal; He would fulfill a wish for her if she fulfilled one for him.

After a quiet talk they reached an agreement, although somewhat strange for her, that he would get her a new opportunity to get married if she participated in some games that would make her, among many things, enjoy fighting again.

She accepted without hesitation, and the deal was closed as the man retired.

That same day at night, something strange happened. Suddenly, the clan treasury broke. It no longer looked radiant like before, and began to move violently. Darkness came out of it, and with it a curse appeared. One not seen before and of overwhelming power.

The city disappeared with Hasukaze inside, and was marked in the history of sorcery as a great mistery as her journey ends...

Or maybe not?

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬:

Her name contains the kanji for "lotus, water lily, paradise" (風, Hasu) and "wind, air" (風, Kaze).

She's 5'97 feet tall (182cm) and weights 80kg.

Her mother is Korean and her father is Japanese, so she knows some basic Korean although she speaks and understands Japanese better.

She has a habit of having her hands close to her face because her mother liked to squeeze and touch it due to having a round and soft face when she was a child.

She is a lacto-ovo vegetarian. She never liked the taste of meat, and although she wouldn't mind eating fish, she prefers not to.

Talking abt food, her favourite food is Ochazuke with Narazuke pickles.

Her type of man is a courageous and determined men who enjoy a free life and fights.

She has a hard crush on Kashimo and has been quite pushy abt them getting in a romance. She got rejected every time.

Cus' she could not develop a domain extension like her father's, she decided on another alternative; With considerable effort, she created the anti-domain, "falling blossom emotion", which was documented and ended up in the hands of the current clans as a secret technique.

Nimbus comes from a blessed object; "The Vase of Abundance", which resided in her clan. Cursed tools with special properties also came from there, but Kenjaku corrupted it one night and evils were born from it, including a catastrophic curse, which eliminated her entire clan and, she was no exception.

𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

[tubbypeddle]

Hi! I love your writing for jjba, especially your matchups, they're really cute! And so I was wondering if I could perhaps request a matchup for jjba golden wind?

Appearance wise, I'm about 5'4", have thick curly brown hair (absolute nightmare to get neat sometimes haha), hazel eyes, wear glasses, quite pale, freckles, and am quite curvy. Also, I'm a Sagittarius and am INFP last I checked, and also I am female.

More on my personality, I think of myself as a kind person but I have a tendency to be very insecure (both in terms of how I see myself as a person and also insecure physically; I got bullied a lot when I was younger ): ). I'm also quite an anxious and sensitive person and can quite easily experience sudden flips in how I feel (like one moment I'm alright and then the next I'm crying somewhere else), I am also generally a shy person but more in the 'I won't talk to you unless you talk first' way. More positively though, I'm quite smart, I see myself as a compassionate person and I love being able to help anyone wherever I am able to, especially if it involves trying to cheer someone I care about up, and speaking of which I'm fiercely protective of my loved ones.

More about me as a person, I'm autistic, and from this I have too many hyperfixiations of which I love talking about but again, can be quite shy with at first and think that it annoys my peers whenever I start to infodump (I love infodumping). Not just from this but just in general, I don't like loud noises (e.g. yelling, machines, alarms) unless it's in my control like music for example in my headphones (particularly metal; it's a great stress reliever for me and also one of my hyperfixiations of sorts), and sometimes I struggle to focus and process so just need to be gently redirected at times.

My style is typically just comfortable things like baggy band shirts and comfortable skirts or shorts, with nets, but sometimes when I'm feeling bursts of confidence I do indulge myself in more gothic clothes once in awhile.

My hobbies are primarily writing and drawing, which unfortunately for me requires a lot of motivation for me to be able to do at times, but I also like games too, or in cases where maybe my head and heart are racing a bit too fast to my liking, I even just like going out for walks.

My love languages in terms of giving to a partner is physical affection and gift giving; I'm big on hugs and cuddles as they usually calm me down pretty fast and I also just love being able to feel others warmth as it reminds me that I am there and with them, and as for gift giving I love making my partners happy, even if it's the most miniscule of gifts I'm giving them, it makes me even happier to witness their gratitude over something so small from me.

As for my possible preferences in receiving, I also love physical affection as it makes me feel loved, safe and secure, but the other one that I value most in receiving is words of affirmation; validation, patience and reassurance means so so much to me, especially when a partner affirms to me that they truly care about me and see me as equal and not stupid or burdening to them or anyone else.

That's about all I can think of about myself, hope I didn't go too overboard 😅. I'd be so appreciative if you take this ask as I've been having a hard time and it'd cheer me up, but if you're uncomfortable with any aspects of this I completely understand. Once again, love your jjba writing! And thank you!

oh my goshh hii??

usually these would be trades, but I understand the want to be anonymous, so i'll let it slide this time (/j /nm) Also, feel free to infodump on me if you want! I love hearing about people's interests 👀 so if you're comfortable, share with me! I might not respond immediately, but I will eventually. /gen

(author's notes: creds to gif owners, of course <3 you're so cute, this was so fun! Hope you enjoy it!)

Italy is so pretty this time of year isn't it? As long as you aren't a gullible tourist that is, because your first match is...!

Giorno Giovanna!

It isn't your comfortable sense of style that draws him in when he first sees you, or even your pretty cute figure. It's your kindness.

He's lived a life of cruelty, he has seen the horrors the world has to offer since he was very young. And since then, he's only met two people who showed genuine kindness to others. So when he sees you, probably feeding a duck that he himself created, he's blown away.

He comes up to you then, while you're feeding bread to the duck, and he crouches down beside you. "Thank you for feeding Bella," he'd say. "It's such a hassle trying to feed her without her throwing a fit."

It wasn't. He just wanted an excuse to talk to you, really.

Your aversion to loud noises is kind of perfect with him actually, because he isn't a loud person and also doesn't really like loud noises himself. It makes it very easy to allow yourselves to fall into comfortable silences, or have soft spoken conversations. Probably while you're drawing or writing and he's working on whatever paperwork he needs to do as the Don of a Mafia.

Plenty of time for quality time.

He may not be big on physical touch at first, due to his own traumas, but he is capable of warming up to it if you show him how much you love it and how to properly hug someone. Once this happens, he gives the best hugs. He squeezes you just right and won't let go until you do.

But words of affirmation come easy to him. He's very good with his words, and he likes to remind you that he loves you like this. Complimenting you, praising you, expressing his affection to you, reassuring you. He hates seeing you feel so insecure about yourself. Truthfully, if he saw someone else being insecure, he'd think them to be weak. But he's always had a bit of a soft spot for you.

He tells you earnestly how much you mean to him, how crazy he'd go if something happened to you.

He's a little surprised when you stand up to Abbacchio for him. He doesn't need it, but he's never met someone who would even try to stand up for him. It warms his heart as much as it worries him, because if you could go up to Abbacchio without a hint of fear, he doesn't want to see how far you would go against Stand users. He doesn't want you getting hurt.

Also, Giorno is absolutely autistic, and understands that part of you a lot better than anyone else would.

And of course, Giorno isn't the only one who's eye you caught.

One lovely Miss

Trish Una! also quite likes you

She finds you absolutely charming, in that awkward kitten kind of way. Where Giorno would let you take the lead in the pace of the relationship, she's happy to do it.

She sets the pace, though she's happy to wait for things if you think she's going too fast.

Her favorite date activity is dressing you up, honestly. Her love languages are quality time and physical touch, so as long as she can spend time with you, she's happy. Maybe she'll even ask you to draw her. She says she can't even draw a stick man. Trust that she keeps every single drawing you give her, because she is obsessed with your art.

Your number 1 fan, right here.

But she also has no issue with showering you in praises and reassurances. If it makes you feel more loved by her, she's happy to please.

I can just see that she absolutely adores your freckles, because she also has freckles that she usually tries to hide with makeup. She likes freckles a lot more on you than she does on herself.

I also just know she's a big believer of zodiac signs. Her being a Gemini, and you being a Sagittarius, she thinks it's perfect. Fire and air signs are notoriously compatible, and she likes that a lot about the two of you together.

She may seem so so intimidating when you first meet her, she has just endless patience for you and your feelings. She's here for you. She wants you to talk to her about everything you're feeling, even if you think it's dumb. She makes it so easy for conversation to just flow. It's neverending between you two.

Honorary mentions! Narancia Ghirga he just finds you so so cute! You're so sweet, like candy! He could just eat you up! Maybe he still has a chance? 👀 Pannacotta Fugo He absolutely understands the anxiety and the need for words of affirmation. But he doesn't think he'd ever get over his aversion to touch. He believes you deserve better. That doesn't stop him from feeling jealous when he sees you with Giorno and Trish, though.

I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I had a lot of fun writing it! Sorry for the wait!

[dreamlikepoetica]

Life as a Scorpio / 8th House Stellium

Okay, I don't know if it's Saturn entering my isolation house that I feel like this, but I feel so blue. I just want to blurt what kind of hardness that I experienced so far in my life... and how it seems that it will never end. Because I was born with it. It attached to me. I simply couldn't detach as I wanted.

But, life as a Scorpio in the 8th house, with 8th house stellium, Mars squaring these placements, Saturn squaring these placements, I feel cursed. People hates me. I will never be anyone's favorite.

Thanks to my Aries ascendant, I don't care. I don't live for them. My ego can feed herself, I don't need anyone's attention to live my life. And when I'm in this mode, I feel the happiest. I know what I want, I go after it. I dislike something, then I leave it, remove it, or change it. So simple.

And it happened almost naturally when you were younger, though. I was free. I fought everyone for myself. I didn't listen, because I never asked for any opinions in the first place. I have my own progress and research and consideration before I decide something. Of course, my Libra moon will consider some decisions to death. I calculate. I plan. Although I enjoy the rush of recklessness.

Other times, when I get too much into my moon, I become so attached and want people to show that they value me. But, for some people, I mean, my parents, there will never be enough.

No matter what I do, what I have done, there will never be any appreciation. No. There will never be.

As I became an adult who earns money, my 8th placements came through. People look at me and think that I have this big amount of money piled up somewhere in my bank account. They always think I have savings. But, it's just that I have my priorities right.

I can save money because I have lived with so little. I use things until they break and need to change it. I can live with so little and I don't get greedy when I have more. I save it because I might have lacked in the future. I don't thing gadgets are a must. I don't waste money upgrading gadgets or gettings cars. I save them. I don't have much. But I always have for the dry season.

These people, who often the closest to me, see me as resource that they think they can leech into. I feel bad for thinking like this, but...

It gets more real because it has happened a few times. Each time there was an urgency, for example, like when the refrigator at our home got broken, they came to me, putting their sad face, asked me to buy it. After I bought it, what? No thank you whatsoever.

They often came to me to ask quite a big amount of money to buy this, to give to that, blablabla, but never was there any thank you for me. After they got what they wanted, they would get back to their nature. It seems like they acknowledged that I am financially independence, but hating me because it made me in a more powerful (or secure) position then they were. And they hate to be in that position.

I will always be the cold-hearted one. I will always be the heartless one. They will never love me. As my other sister.

I had realized I couldn't compete with her and I had made peace with that. I mean, she has exalted moon in her 7th house. Everyone loves her. She never goes wrong. Even though she often do wrong, it will always be my fault. She will do nothing and my parents will praise her. I will do the most and they'd still have some things to criticize. It has been like that since I was little and I remember everything.

She always had a birthday cake and I barely had birthday greetings. I loved reading the most, but they bought her my favorite book that I have been asking forever. Everyone praised her for being the cleanest one, but I had cleaned the house since I was at the fourth grade and I still got the first rank at school. But yeah, I am the most self-centered around here.

When I was away from home for 7 years, I saw them getting closer and happier. But I didn't feel like that when I was home. I didn't experience that home. That home didn't happen to me.

In this house, 5 of 6 of us have majority of earth and air placements. Guess what? I am the only one with water and fire placements. So much water.

It's been forever since I thought that I don't belong here. I was always happier to be far away from home. No matter how much I wanted to experience that home, I will never happened to me. Because I simply didn't born with it.

And I made peace to that reality. And it's fine for me to experience that home from faraway. No matter how heartbreaking it is.

ngch. march 9, 2023

[r0gerr0ger]

Extract from an interview with Jobal Naberrie.

Sometime post-Endor.

….

Interviewer: And why do you think your daughter was so drawn to Skywalker, Mrs Naberrie?

Naberrie: She never… she didn’t get much of a childhood, you see. Or an adolescence. She was thrust into adulthood very quickly, and for all I have been so, overwhelmingly, proud of her… I’m her mother at the end of the day. Sometimes all I wanted for Padme was a bit of normalcy. Anakin provided that, I think.

She didn’t get much attention either, you see- or, she got a lot of attention- people have always wanted to know her, and be around her, ever since she was little- but not because of her, so much as what she represented or what she could give them. But Skywalker, he… he wanted her. Padme. That was it.

And he- he was sweet, really. Drowned her in affection and attention, worshipped the ground she walked on. Let her unwind, be free. And she leapt at it. It was the first of its kind she’d ever received. A teenage love. Infatuation.

But, in truth I hadn’t expected it to last so long. I thought it would be good for Padme, to be shown she was worthy of love and attention simply for being her. Have a bit of fun and then move on, find somewhere more like her, someone kinder. But she didn’t…

Interviewer: You seem… unhappy, with that.

Naberrie: [pause] …He wasn’t kind, you see… He could be quite cruel sometimes. Demanding. Anakin would hold her to a standard he didn’t keep himself, or he would be dismissive of her feelings. Things I hadn’t expected her to tolerate in a relationship. And… just strange sometimes, too.

Interviewer: Strange?

Naberrie: I’m not too sure how to explain it. Only that, she’d mention things to me, off-hand. About his views- on politics, the galaxy, on how a relationship should be. Views so different from her own. He seemed to me quite childish, selfish…

But then, Padme was often unkind too. Selfish. I- I can admit that, I feel. I should admit it. It was a failing of mine, to not protect her better from the responsibilities she was levied.

Interviewer: Her responsibilities made her selfish and unkind, you feel?

Naberrie: Yes. It was something she took from being Queen, I always felt. And then senator, so suddenly afterwards. She had so little that was only hers, and when she did- she could be so possessive over it. Protecting her peace- as they say- even if it came at a cost, even if it was unfair on those around her. Only as Queen, or as a senator, that peace was Naboo- the safety and security of her planet, and that kind of responsibility changes someone. The cost of protecting Naboo becomes compromising your own personal values and beliefs. It is making sacrifices for the good of the many. And thus having to realign the way you see things, frequently, in order to reconcile yourself to those sacrifices. And that bled into her personal life. Of course it would, for anyone.

Skywalker brought her a sense of security. He loved her, truly- and in a way, helped returned her adolescence to her. And she clung to that. Refused to divulge it, even if it meant staying with a man who could be cruel. Even if it meant subverting, adapting, abandoning her own beliefs to suit his, or to reconcile herself with the relationship.

She was happy. Anakin made her happy. I would never refute that. But I think she would have been happier, with someone else.

I think she would be alive, too.