#that there were just TWO people who understood him and hopefully remember him... who Helped him

[sensesdialed]

can i talk about how much being around other spider people would mean to peter after he's been so incredibly lonely post-nwh. can i talk about it

[nerdygirlramblings]

the pups come home!

an: it's another long one. sorry?

cw: poorly executed accents, omegaverse biology, m/m anal sex (including knotting)

previous

Quiet but not quite. Still but reatless. Nervous energy crackles in the air. Excited tension. The house holds its breath, waiting. Your parents and the new pups are on their way home.

Every passing car causes a cascade of glances before the eventual, "Not them," from Ben, positioned at the front window until the gentle rumble of the engine in the drive sets everyone in motion.

Surprisingly, it's Davy who beats everyone to the door, opening it, revealing Mum mid-reach. From the sofa, you watch first as surprise then love chase away her momentary shock. Shaky arms come up as she enfolds Davy in a hug, murmuring softly to him. He returns the embrace, the muscles in his arms tensing as he squeezes her back. Michael and Helen drop quick kisses on her cheeks before slipping past her into the front garden. The three of you decided last night how you'd help when everyone came home from the birth centre. Their job is to help the moms bring Dad and the new pups in. You job is to get everyone fed and settled. There's soup for Dad, full plates for Mama and Mum, and two bottles ready.

While the elder twins bring in the younger twins, you let the triplets greet Mum and then Mama and Dad as they come through the door. All three adults give all three teens the same treatment: whispered words and tender hugs and kisses. It's a much more joyous return from the birthing centre than the triplets have seen your parents have before. All they've known is the litters Dad lost. You want them to be able to celebrate this miracle.

Though the elder twins bring the new ones in, it's the triplets who are officially introduced to them first, lifting each baby into the crook of their neck for just a moment to let the baby smell them, imprint their scent, and know this is family. Watching the ritual your parents established when the first twins were born, telling the triplets, "They aren't our babies, they're your babies too. You'll be here to love them and guide them. To look out for them. And one day, when we're gone, you'll be there for each other. Family."

Hearing it again, you realize your parents always stressed family, but they never said pack. You know many people see them as synonymous terms, but Mama was a literature major at uni, and you were raised with the importance of using the right words. You know there is a reason they use family instead of pack. You wish you understood what it was.

When you finally have a chance to be introduced, you take each baby from Michael, Grant first then Amelia, holding their little heads close, whispering the same thing you've only said five times, "You are more than my sibling. You are part of me, and that will never change. I will love you and support you and care for you always." Each reverent phrase accompanied by a kiss to the baby's temple before passing the child off to one of your parents.

Michael and Helen swing through the kitchen and pick up the bottles to feed the babies. You all remember how tired Dad is after a delivery, so you wrap an arm around his waist in the guise of holding him close after the successful delivery, Mum and Mama slowly trailing after you. You settle them all at the table, then join them to catch them up on how the household has fared in their absence.

You hadn't had a chance to talk with them when you first arrived, and now they ask why you're home. "Clearly you couldn't have expected this," Mum huffs a laugh.

"No," you smile indulgently at first her then Dad, "this was a pleasant surprise."

The question of why you're here, now, is tied up in feelings about your team you don't quite understand and aren't sure how to process, so you don't answer it. Hopefully your parents are too fatigued to notice, but it feels like Dad is watching you pick at your fingers even though his eyes are on his food and the doorway through which you can hear Michael and Helen teaching the triplets how to hold and feed the pups. Mum and Mama must catch on something too - your avoidance, your nervous tic - and blatantly watch you over their plates. "Did something happen with your team?" Mum whispers, keeping this conversation to the kitchen.

A shoulder rises and falls. Your lips twist for a moment. Small movements there and gone belie the mess of emotions you don't know how to name.

Mama's hand on yours, a warm weight tethering you. "I think we need to talk when the rest are in the nest and the pups are sleeping." You can only nod.

"Dunno if ye heard, but the lass's Da had his pups," Soap whispers into the quiet evening. All he receives is a grunt in response. He's wrapped in Ghost's arms, Ghost's knot slowly deflating in his ass. A cock in the ass is one thing. Heat and stretch. The burn pleasant, a successful workout. An alpha's knot is an altogether different experience. Heat hot enough to scorch if you're unlucky. A stretch too far to be comfortable for either party, despite biology at play. Micro tears and burst capillaries. But he and Gaz do this for Ghost and will do it for Price in a few months if you aren't pack by then. It's one way they help the pack with balance.

Soap keeps up his running commentary in these stolen moments when Ghost is lucid, unconsumed by his instincts. "Price said 'e thinks she may be open ta courtin' when we get back." The arm around his waist grips tighter, and Ghost's scent goes briney with his arousal, a perfect compliment to Soap's own marine notes. "Ye like tha', huh, havin' Ren as oor own 'mega?" He knows the other man wants you. They all want you. And Ghost has been vocal this rut, calling out your name. Soap overhead Price's side of yesterday's call with you. Could hear a tinny version of you voice through the phone. The sadness there unmistakable. He knows Price is playing the long game. He only wished he knew how it will all play out.

Things are dark, closed, safe by the time your parents pull you from the nest. The pups and triplets are fast asleep, but Helen startles from half-slumber and Michael turns from his screen. "Just need to chat with your sister before she heads back to base," Dad tells them. "Can ya watch the pups? We'll be in the kitchen, yeah?" Michael nods, back to scrolling through his phone in the dim room. Helen scoots into the space Mama left next to the new pups, her body a gentle barrier to the nest's edge.

In the kitchen, the quiet feels oppressive. The lights don't make the room warm and inviting, instead you're on the wrong side of an interrogation, like when your parents caught you sneaking in from a party when you were in Lower Sixth. A butterfly under glass. Pinned by the weight of their knowing gazes.

The air takes on weight. There's some silent conversation between the moms and Dad. You remember the looks they shared when you told them about being on the boards on base. Finally, you crack. "What?" you ask, nervous and unsure of your footing.

"Baby," Dad starts, "why are you here?"

You avoided the question earlier but know they won't let you deflect now. "We'll, the team had leave, so I came home." The omission is deafening.

"Ya didn't want to take leave with yer team?" Mum asks. "Get ta know them without all the trainin' ya do?"

Somehow they've mastered the art of seeing past your artifice, and if you don't start telling them now, Mama will cut through your bullshit faster than a dog can lick a dish. You shift uncomfortably. This is somehow worse than the conversations you had in your teens about sex and consent and your heats and an alpha's ruts. Your jaw clenches briefly before you force yourself to relax. "Well, I'm here cause it isn't really leave fer the others. One of the pack alphas has his rut, and the whole pack takes a week to handle it together." You don't rush because if you go too fast and have to repeat yourself, you will self-immolate.

Mama blinks while Mum stares at Dad. Clear whatever planned conversation they had, this is not the information they expected you to share. "Er," Mama says, "that's very... progressive of them, yeah?" She recovers quickly because she asks, "Aren't they on suppressants?"

You shake your head. "Captain Price said they only use 'em during missions. Keeps 'em from throwin' anyone off balance for too long." Dad nods, and you hope he's remembering your bad reactions.

He's the one who breaks the silence next. "How do ya feel about them doin' that? Takin' off together, without you, to handle their alpha's rut?"

You think he's asking about you, but he could be asking about your omega, and you hate that you don't know which one answers when you say, honestly, "I miss them."

Mum hums and Mama nods along, but it's still Dad who speaks. "Have ya given any more thought to the other half of yer Captain's offer?"

There's no denying now this is about you being 141's omega, being more than teammates. Your hands fiddle in your lap. The longer you wait, the more obvious your answer seems to be, to them and to yourself. "I don't want things to change," you finally whisper, sounding so much younger. Vulnerable in a way you haven't let yourself be in too many years to count.

"Hey, pretty girl," Dad croons. You can't help but look at him. "Captain Price seems like a good alpha. We know he's a good Captain and a good man. From what you've told us, the whole team supports you and wants you to be a successful soldier. They're already looking out for you in their way."

Your parents let you sit with that truth for a few quiet minutes before Mama tells you, "Seems like they've shown interest. And it looks like your omega is interested. You deserve a pack of your own, honey. You've already put so much faith in these men. Maybe it's time to take that last leap, yeah?"

Mum chimes in with, "You'll always be our sweet girl, but you deserve a pack who will love you in a way we can't." There are tears lining her eyes, but she blinks them away before they fall. "We want you happy."

When they head back to the nest, you don't immediately follow. You sit in the stillness and listen, really listen, to your omega. How the team makes her feel safe, desired, cared for. How she wants what your parents have: the love and support and eventual family.

You know the 141 wouldn't make you retire. They'll support your career, and in that way, they're already better than most packs you could find. If rumors spread about you sleeping your way into the team because you're their omega, you know the pack would have your back. Isn't that what you've always wanted? To be seen as who you are, not what you are?

Isn't it worth it to try?

next

series masterlist | main masterlist

~~

taglist: @sirbonesly @z-wantstowrite @thriving-n-jiving @cecelia97 @theycallmevalen @boogeysmoth @cryingpages @riley13 @luxylucylou @lucienofthelakes @ilyztwo @chaosundcoffee @lostintransist @thegreyjoyed @honestlymassivetrash @thebumbqueen @maliamaiden @mordacioust @bina-passion-fruit @kittygonap

[blegh-110]

iii. "im not a princess, this aint a fairytale"

Pairing: older brother's best friend!Sam x fem!reader

Summary: Older brother’s best friend!Sam Monroe who was the first to break your heart when you were 14 and he was 16.

Warnings: None!

Word Count: 1.5k

Next Part

You were ecstatic when you entered high school, there were more opportunities for you to see Sam instead of only seeing him when he came over. The night before your first day you imagined all the ways you could possibly see him; in the hallways, having lunch together, maybe and hopefully just one class together. 

And your first semester didn’t disappoint. The first few weeks were equally nerve-wracking and exciting. As you were entering a brand new, bigger school, you didn’t know where your classes were. And you got lost often, getting swept away by the larger crows in the narrow halls into some part of the school you had never been in. But Sam was somehow always there to save you by grabbing your heavy textbooks in one hand, your hand in the other and quickly leading you to your class. 

“I know it’s hard, but you have to push your way through these assholes. Especially the ones who stand right in the middle of the fucking hall.” And he gestured to the group who were indeed standing in the middle of the hall and walked right through them, taking you with him. You apologized to the girl you shouldered.

“Sam, we could’ve just gone around them!”

“Yeah, we could’ve. But what do they expect standing there?:

“I don’t think it’s that serious.” 

“Yes it is, now's the time to learn how to put your foot down or they’ll walk all over you.”

Or when he helped you learn how to open your locker because you just couldn’t get it, “It’s clockwise, then counterclockwise but skip the second number, then go directly to the last number clockwise.”

Maybe the lockers were just old, but you remember the time when he was sure he got the combination right but it just wouldn’t open. And he kept trying, whispering “fuck you, fuck you.”

“Sam, my class is about to start, hurry!” You were only half serious, the other part of you couldn’t help but find his frustration and growing panic funny. You covered your laugh with your hand as he looked at you with wide eyes, “it’s not fucking opening.”

You burst out laughing when he finally got it open because it took him aggressively pulling at the lock and a fall to the ground.

And you loved walking to your third hour because the two of you would cross paths, and not a day would go by where he wouldn’t say hi with a small wave, and a gentle ruffle to your hair if he was close enough. You felt special because out of all the people and his own friends he’d see, you were the one he’d acknowledge. 

But your favorite times together was when he would walk you home and carry your extremely heavy backpack for you. It was the best way to end the school day, the two of you recapping your days. How hard a test was, what you had for lunch, how annoying a particular teacher was, and any other anecdotes. You thought whatever the two of you were would only grow.

-

You weren’t exactly when it began happening, all you knew was that the boy you once got all starry eyed about was turning into the ones you didn’t like.  

Maybe it was when he got into the wrong crowd, the ones who always stunk of smoke and ditched school. You found it strange when you saw him being friendly with a few of them since he was always the one who turned you away from them, “Promise me you won’t end up like one of those morons, (y/n). That stuff is too fucking vile for you.” 

Or when he slowly stopped walking you home to go hang out with them. It made you sad but you understood that he couldn’t dedicate all of his time after school to you. He had his own friends and hobbies. But were you right to be concerned when you noticed he started cutting classes and skipping school to be with said friends? You caught him one time, trying to sneak away and he seemed surprised to see you had seen him. 

“Hey, (y/n).”

“Hi, Sam. Where are you going?” You asked softly, not wanting to anger him. He just seemed so angry and jumpy these days. 

“We’re just… gonna get an early lunch,” He could tell you didn’t really believe him when all you gave was a small, tight lipped smile and single head nod, he came closer and dipped his head down as he whispered “I’ll be back, I promise. And I’ll get you something if you keep quiet, okay?”

You felt like you didn’t have a choice, you obviously weren’t going to say no and force him to stay. And the bribe just didn’t seem right, it gave you a strange feeling in your gut. 

“No, that’s okay. I, um, I really have to get to class.” And you left with a small smile and quick turn, wanting the entire interaction to be over. It was weird to see him this way, and it left a weight on your shoulders to just let him go. Should you have at least tried to stop him? You looked out the window and were even more upset to see your brother with that group as well. Maybe it was seeing both of them this way, but you had the sudden urge to cry. 

Sam did end up getting you a large Dr. Pepper, but you just couldn’t will yourself to drink it and you threw it away.  

With each passing day he was getting further and further away from you, but you continued to push through it, hoping that the boy who taught you how to ride a bike and saved your winter dance night was still in there. He had to be. 

So you kept trying to talk to him. Which included helping him cut classes, reminding him of tests, telling him about your day. And maybe you were doing too much, and maybe you were embarrassing him in front of his cool friends. And maybe you should’ve expected such a response. 

“Jesus, you are so fucking annoying. Don’t you have any of your own friends?”

That one hurt the most. It wasn’t just the fact that he knew you weren’t the most sociable girl. In fact, it was hard for you to talk to others and to keep a conversation going. So the answer was no. 

It was also the angry look he gave you. The furrowed brows, clenched jaw, and the eye roll he gave when you didn’t answer. You’d never seen him this way. It was always playful smiles and soft words. The closest you had seen him this angry was when you didn’t bother to look both ways before crossing the street and you almost got run over, “you could’ve gotten killed, I shouldn’t have to tell you to look both ways when crossing a street.”

But that was tough love if anything, and he hugged you right after to calm you down because you were pretty shaken up and close to tears, “alright, that’s enough, you’re fine.”

You stood there in front of him, eyes wide and chest rising and falling rapidly, willing yourself to stay collected and calm while it felt like your whole world was crumbling in front of you. 

“Just… stay the hell away from me.” And he left. 

The rest of the day was a blur since Sam’s words left you dejected and shattered. You weren’t focused in your classes and didn’t pay any mind to what the people around you said. It was a constant replay of what he said to you and a constant fight to keep your emotions in. Who were you supposed to turn to for this?

You cried the entire night. You thought you were only being helpful, and to know that he actually saw you as a burden made you panic. For every little problem you had, you did end up going to him for help. For every stupid, little story you had, you ended up telling him. And when you felt lonely, you ended up going to him. But you couldn’t help it. Sam always seemed so happy to fix whatever issue it was you were having, and he looked like he was deeply interested in your trivial tales, and he was just so fun to be around. He was funny and kind and gentle and where is he now?

Or did he always feel that way and put up a good front? No, it couldn’t be that, it was too genuine. Did you happen to read too much into his actions? Possibly. Then you thought if the roles were reversed, kind of. If there was a younger girl in your life you certainly wouldn’t treat her meanly. You would always have a helping hand extended out just in case she needed it. Like a big sister. 

These thoughts and questions swirled in your mind until you came to the conclusion that you were just a young girl very in love with the older boy who only saw you as his best friend's young sister. And that he was done entertaining her and moving with his own crowd.

It was this that finally opened your eyes and made you go to sleep. It was your turn now to grow up and move on.  

divider by @dollywons

[fae-cookie-run-madness]

Beast x Ancients au (need a name for it) SilentLily Rambles.

Sooo Silent Salt and White Lily...this is going to be long lol.

Silent Salt x White Lily

White Lily is the first one of her friends to find these fabled beasts. She had been wonderful around, looking for new plantlife when a knight appeared, heavily injured and collapsed. White Lily quickly rushed to his side and eventually helped nurse the cookie back to health. He couldn’t speak, apparently his vocal cords weren’t made right and now they had been slashes, he was completely mute. So White Lily taught him sign language and eventually she learned his name, Silent Salt. Soon he tells the cookie his story, being gifted the soul jam, feeling as they slowly corrupt and losing themselves, years locked in that tree, and just getting out. But everything feels different, he’s lost his drive to cause destruction, he can’t go back to being a hero…what can he do?

White Lily says she feels lost too, and if Silent salt wants to find a purpose for his life, he’s welcome to join her as she searches for answers herself. Salt is shocked, half expecting the cookie to run away once he told her his story. But instead she offers him kindness and friendship. So Silent salt agrees to the arrangement, it’s so strange to find a cookie like her, and he must protect her sense she's so obviously fragile.

Relationship:

As the two explore the world together it was by nature that they fell in love. White Lily just seems to understand the former beast and it’s been years since someone understood Salt down to his very core. They explore, they all catch up with the other ancients who find their beast, and their happiness. There is just a simple joy with being in each other's presents, even if there are no words spoken or signed to each other. They even decided to have children together and maybe start their own kingdom. Yet something happens, White Lily disappears leaving an imposter in her place and Silent Salt with three dough babies he needs to protect. He needs to find out what happened to White Lily, so he hides his children, somewhere hopefully this imposter wouldn’t dare to look.

Children (there's a lot when count Dark Enchantress so buckle up):

The triplets, Gingerbrave, Strawberry and Wizard cookie were once the three dough babies White Lily and Silent Salt had. However they were only a month old before White Lily was called away, to look for answers before she went missing and Dark Enchantress appeared. Silent Salt feared for his kids safety but can’t take them to the other ancients as Dark enchantress would target them, so he uses a spell the Fount taught them and hid the babies in a time bubble, which would slow their aging to a crawl by the witch's house, a place where Dark Enchantress wouldn’t dare to go. He never knew the witch would find the babies and bake them, destroying the spell.

Gingerbrave is the unofficial oldest of the triplets, they don’t know their ages but his natural protective instincts make him the oldest. He can remember his mother’s voice and had convinced himself and his siblings that the witch didn’t make them, believing that they belong to someone else. He has a strong sense of justice that can also be self-sacrificing if push comes to shove. And his determination to find his mother might lead him right into danger. Gingerbrave looks the most like Silent salt (basically a mini salt), he has his mother’s white hair.

Strawberry is the second oldest, at least unofficial. She can’t speak very well as there is something wrong with her vocal cords, as if she takes for too long or too loud they begin to hurt badly. So she and her brothers had made up a sign language to communicate until they learned the official one later. They still use their make- up when they don’t want people to understand them. She is very strong, able to swing around her Strawberry hammer but she doesn’t have Gingerbrave’s confidence. She is a good mix of her mom and dad. Her red eyes are that of her mom’s, her white hair is hidden well but her face structure is like that of her dad.

Wizard is considered the youngest, mainly because he is the smallest of his siblings much to his annoyance. He always felt the hum of magic around him, going as far as stealing a witch's magical staff and making it tiny to suit him. However he’s still learning to control it as he could easily overuse it and pass out because of it. This also earns his sibling to be more protective of him, which annoys him so much. Wizard hides his appearance because he looks the most like his mom with his dad’s eyes, hence why he happily wears his giant hat and sweater no matter the weather. He understands Gingerbrave’s determination to find out where they came from, but he just feels like it will lead to more problems.

Children from Dark Enchantress:

Red Velvet was a cookie being baked when Dark Enchantress emerged and caused all the chaos, nearly killing the unfinished cookie. The powerfully cookie to some of her dough and life powder and some life powder in a bag she had and used it to heal and save Red Velvet (of course not before spilling some of the life powder. The life powder and dough helped save the boy however he was still incomplete, missing an arm, Dark Enchantress took the boy and gave him a cake monster arm. He grew up under Dark Enchantress, agreeing with how horrible the witches are and his focus being more on cake hounds and how cakes are seen as monsters. When Dark Enchantress is sealed away, he is sent into a sleep as well, only waking up once his mother is awakened.

Matcha was created from the spilled Life powder spilled into tea dough that was on the ground, producing a small dough baby that cried out. Dark Enchantress isn’t heartless (at least now), and takes the dough baby with her. She raises Matcha alongside Red Velvet and you get the feeling something is off since the Life Powder isn’t mixed in properly. While Matcha doesn’t speak well she adores her mother and does anything to please her. Matcha tests experiments and is one of the best potion makers you can find, making monstrous concoctions for the war. However much like her brother, once her mother is sealed away she falls into a sleep which is only broken once Dark Enchantress is back.

Things going wrong/Dark Flour war:

When White Lily found out the truth about cookies she was stunned, this couldn’t be true, so she tried to yell, to convince the witches that they were real, and they have dreams. She is just so angry at the moment! The Witches see a wandering cookie and smack her into the ultimate dough and then decide to bake it to see what will happen. This caused Dark Enchantress to work, what little of White Lily’s originally hoped, kindness and dough wandered off where it was found and kept safe by the fairies.

Dark Echantress starts the Dark Flour War to get the Soul Jam of her once friends and crush their spirits so she could use them to make a better world. She was sealed away by Pure Vanilla and later with the help of Pomegranate and some illusion magic she’s able to convince some cookies to break her free. She doesn’t even stay around to acknowledge them and flies off to wake up her children. 

Dark Enchantress starts her original goal.

White Lily, the part that was uncorrupted, sleeps in the fairy kingdom.

Silent Salt hunts for a way to bring back his love and end this madness that has seemingly taken over Earthbread. 

[screamqueenmacher]

The Run (Chibs x Plus Size Reader) - Chapter 3

Currently working on chapter 4 :) Warning: Spoilers probably

You'd been working at Teller-Morrow for two days, and honestly? It was great. You'd met Tig and Opie officially, having seen them briefly during the night of your attack. Chibs hadn't been around you very much, but that was okay. He was busy. You understood. He was an important part of the club, and an important part of the garage. 

You'd told Half-Sack you simply couldn't call him that anymore, learning that his name was Kip. He'd been watching you for a while, in the protective way, not creepy way. He talked about the girl he was interested in, and mentioned that she'd had to leave. After a couple of beers, you learned she was in Ireland now. So that was fun. 

But you missed Chibs. You'd really only known him for a day and a half, but there was just something about him that…ugh. You just really liked. You needed to get that schoolgirl crush under control, or else things would just get worse for you. You focused on how put out he seemed to be when he had learned you'd not only gone to the store, but also the garage, after he'd explicitly told you, and Juice, that you needed to rest and relax. If you could focus on that, you could hopefully focus on how he wasn't the boss of you, and on how you didn't need to be crushing on some bossy old man. But still…you missed Chibs.

Your face was starting to heal, as were your ribs. You were pretty positive nothing had been broken after all. You still had some nasty bruising, but it was fading day after day. 

It was on your fourth day there that something horrible happened. A van had been brought to the yard, not a van you recognized at least, and Chibs had attempted to start it. In the next moment, he was running, and then flying through the air. The van quite literally exploded, bursting into a fireball. 

But all you could focus on was Chibs, laying on the ground, bleeding from the head. You'd rushed out of the office, joining the crowd of people, trying to hold back tears. It wasn't just because it was Chibs, but it was obvious this was another attack on the club. Was this part of your fault for not being able to give them a lead on who was bothering them? Was Chibs hurt because you couldn't remember anything about your attackers?

After that, you didn't have anyone to protect you, and that was okay. You agreed that they needed to focus on getting revenge or at least zeroing in on who did this to Chibs. You'd thrown yourself into working in the office, sometimes reorganizing things you'd just fixed, and other times double checking receipts from weeks before. It wasn't until the third day after the explosion that Gemma finally called you out on it. 

“Alright, what's going on with you?” You looked at her for a moment, trying not to say the first thing that came to your mind. 

“It's my fault, isn't it?” That didn't work. “The explosion.”

“What- why would you think that?” She took off her glasses, looking bewildered as she sat back in her chair. 

“I never remembered anything useful. They couldn't go after anyone after my attack, and then this happened.” You frowned, sitting down in the chair next to her. “If I'd have been any help, this wouldn't have happened.”

“Hey, you don't know that. This isn't on you.” She gave you a serious look, but you felt tears welling up anyway. She got up, suddenly, closing both of the doors to the office. “I'm going to tell you something, and it doesn't leave this room. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Before you were attacked, I was attacked too. They wanted to send a message to the club and went after me.” Your eyes were wide, and a tear strayed down your cheek. “I was beaten and raped, but I didn't say anything. If we want to blame anyone for not stopping them before Chibs, or before you, then you blame me.”

“I could never blame you.” You rushed it out, tears spilling over. For her sake, more than your own. “Jesus, Gemma…are you ever going to tell them?”

“I don't know. But remember, it's my story to tell.” Another serious look, and you believed every veiled threat behind it.

“I promise not to say a word to anyone.” She nodded, reaching out and taking hold of your hand. 

“They're going to get everything taken care of, sweetie. Chibs is doing okay in the hospital, you're healing, I'm healing.” It didn't seem like there were frequent soft moments with Gemma Teller-Morrow, but you knew to appreciate them when they happened.

------------------

The next day, you'd told Gemma you would sit at the hospital with Chibs until she could arrive. Tara had gotten you into intensive care under the guise of being family. You'd baked again, bringing a ziploc with you in case he was allowed the treat. You had a smile on your face, trying not to feel giddy about seeing the Scot again. When you opened the door, he wasn't alone. 

“Oh! Uh, I'm sorry. I can…come back later.” You were awkwardly stood in the cracked doorway, looking between the handsome patient and beautiful woman that was very, very close to him.

“Y/N? What're you doin’ here, lass?” His voice made your heart soar in a way it absolutely shouldn't. 

“I told Gemma I would sit up here until she could come, but…I'm sorry, um, I'm Y/N.” You stepped into the room, extending your hand to the woman. She looked between you and Chibs before taking your hand. 

“I'm Fiona.” She had an accent as well, and as much as you were hoping she was a sister or other family member, you had a bad feeling. 

“Nice to meet you. Um, oh! Here!” You pulled the ziploc of cookies out of your bag, shoving it at her. “I brought these. In case. I didn't mean to interrupt-”

“You didn't interrupt.” Chibs' voice was gruff, and he was looking at you with lidded eyes. There wasn't a hint of a smile on his face like you'd grown used to. 

“Well, anyway. I'll leave you to it-”

“How're you gettin’ home?” 

“I walked here so I'll probably just walk-”

“You walked on your own?” His voice sounded angry. 

“Yeah, I mean…the guys are busy. I just-”

“Your face still looks like tha’ and you decided to walk here. Alone.” You frowned, feeling your face heating up. You hadn't come for a scolding, and especially not one in front of the beautiful stranger. 

“Yes. Not that it's your business.” You could tell he had more to say, but he closed his eyes instead. You looked at Fiona, unable to read the expression on her face. “I'm going now. Sorry. I'll…Gemma will be here later.”

You didn't wait for either of them to say anything, if they were even going to. You didn't need to be scolded like a child. That's probably what he saw you as, anyway. Just a child. That was so embarrassing. You were pining and he was just thinking of you as a kid. Probably an annoying one, at that.

--------------

His wife. That's who Fiona was. You should've known. There was no way someone like him wouldn't have a beautiful woman in his life. You were such an idiot. 

After hearing that news from Gemma, and overhearing that bad things, and people, accompanied that woman, you just…didn't know how to feel. You needed to get over Chibs. He had a wife, and Gemma made it sound like he still loved her, even if they were estranged. You couldn't come between love. You didn't know if there was a way for them to be together again, but he had a family. You were no homewrecker. 

By the time Chibs was getting out of the hospital, you were almost fully healed. Your cheek might be scarred permanently, but it would be small. Your skin was almost back to the shade it was supposed to be, just a small amount of the ugly yellow holding on. You wanted to look good when he saw you again, and that made you hate yourself. You always fell for the wrong men, and you'd hoped that would've changed. Instead, you wore a low cut blouse and your best fitting jeans in hope to grab his attention. 

Your inner turmoil would kill you. You wanted to be with him, to know him, so badly. But Fiona…you couldn't forget her. You wished you'd never met her, never knew he had a wife. You would've heard, eventually, from Gemma anyway, but in your fantasy world there was no wife. No gorgeous, Irish wife.

You'd seen them arrive from across the lot, but they were heading for the clubhouse. You weren't part of that world, not really. You didn't dare follow. Instead, you created work for yourself in any way you could. The third new pot of coffee in the last hour must have been too far. 

“I'm going to fire you.” Gemma's voice startled you. 

“What?”

“If you don't stop, I'm going to fire you.” She sighed, looking at you, exasperated. “You can't let Fiona scare you off.”

“I'm not letting her-”

“You like Chibs, right?” Lips pursed and cheeks pink, you nodded. “Then get over Fiona. Make your move.”

“I can't just make a move! He doesn't see me like that.”

“Honey, you're a young, attractive thing with a pussy and tits. He sees you like that.” She seemed to get enjoyment in your shocked expression. 

“You sound like one of those guys!”

“But I'm not wrong. You're a sweet girl, you'd be good for him. He deserves something sweet for once.” She seemed genuine when she said that, and it made you think. 

You were messy. You had baggage that didn't need to be shared. You were sweet enough, sure, but you would only taint him further, not fix anything. You were sure about that. You messed up everything you touched, and you couldn't do that to Chibs. He was a good man. Like Gemma said, he deserved something sweet for once, and that just…you weren't what he needed.

“Come on.” She stood, jerking her head for you to come with her. Standing, you followed. Chibs had entered the garage, immediately being swept into a hug and kiss by Gemma. “Welcome home, sweetie.”

“Gemma. Thanks for everythin’.” He grinned at the older woman, but then his eyes fell to you. You were standing a few feet back. You offered an uncomfortable smile and wave, focusing more on trying to keep your heart from leaping out of your chest. 

“Hey, Chibs. You're looking…well.” You tried not to visibly cringe at the way you'd said it. For a moment he simply looked at you with his brows raised, but then he was laughing and closing the distance between you. You didn't hesitate to hug him back, eyes closing for a moment. He was safe.

“Thanks, lass. You're lookin’ much better as well.” He smirked as he pulled back, and you tried to suppress a blush. He pat you on the back as he pulled away, turning back to the guys. Gemma cleared her throat, nodding her head to him. 

If there was ever a time you were going to do something, now was it. Your window of opportunity was closing. Were you going to mess up a perfect man? Or were you going to hate yourself for depriving yourself of anything good?

Ah. 

Fuck it. 

Grabbing his kutte, you'd finally really learned the term, you pulled him back towards you. Using his surprise to your advantage, your hands held the front of his kutte, pulling him down as you surged up to kiss him. It was a little weird at first, and when he didn't respond in any way, you started to pull back. It was his hand suddenly tangling in your hair and holding you in place that made you sigh in relief. Wolf whistles and cheering filled the garage, and you pulled back with a shy smile. You smoothed your hands along his collar, eyes staring at his chest instead of his eyes. 

“Right. Um, ‘m glad you're okay.” 

“Righ’.” He had that devilishly handsome smirk on his face again. He backed up a little, a hint of confusion still etched on his face. “We need to talk la'er.”

“Okay.” You nodded, watching as he walked away. The guys pat him on the back, him shoving them in return. 

“Good girl.” Gemma smirked at you, walking back into the office.

----------

You didn't know when the next time you'd see Chibs was. Everything was getting more and more hectic as the days went on. You caught glimpses of him from time to time, but there was never any time to exchange more than idle pleasantries. 

When the club went on lock down, you weren't sure how you fit in. Other than working in the garage, and the one kiss you'd shared with Chibs, you didn't have anything to do with them. Attack aside, anyway. 

“I'm really just taking up space here. Are you sure there's not someone more important that should-”

“You're part of this family, whether you think you are or not.” Gemma cut you off, for the third time that day. How many times could you say the same thing before she finally hit you? Probably not one more. 

“Y/N.” Chibs’ voice was like music playing. You immediately perked up, and maybe that was embarrassing, but it was too late. He jerked his head, pulling you to a more private area. If that even existed anymore. “You doin’ okay, lass?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Kind of a weird situation to be in but I've dealt with worse.” You joked, shrugging. He breathed a laugh, wiping a hand along his beard. “I was telling Gemma-”

“I know. You're crazy for thinkin’ you don’ belong here.” You blushed slightly, somehow knowing he'd say something like that. 

“Well, maybe I am crazy-”

“Lass, I…we need to cha’ abou’ the kiss.” Your heart dropped into your stomach. 

“Right. Ah, I'm sorry about that. Gemma…I shouldn't have…”

“S'not tha’ you shouldn’ have. S'jus’...a bad time.” You nodded your head, feeling like your heart was breaking. 

“Yeah, I get that. I know everything's crazy right now, and Fiona-”

“Fiona's go’ nothin’ ta do wit’ i’.” He cut you off, frowning. Your face matched his. 

“She's your wife, Chibs. You love her.” It wasn't a question, not with how you saw his feelings in his eyes. Not when you'd heard Gemma talk about them.

“She's mah wife, aye, but she's no’ mine anymore. No’ really.”

“But if she could be?” That had him silent. You could tell he didn't know what to say to that. You nodded your head, giving him a soft smile before leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Be safe out there, okay?”

“Okay.” He agreed, backing away from you. It looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't, simply leaving.

“What was that?” Gemma came up beside you, watching the man walk away. 

“It was him telling me we can't be together.” You gave her a small, if not sad, smile. “It's okay. I knew I shouldn't have kissed him and everything. It's a bad time.”

“Did he say that?”

“Yeah, he did. He still loves Fiona, too.” You saw the older woman roll her eyes and heard her sigh. 

“You've got to get over Fiona. They can't be together.” 

“Why? She came here to check on him and-”

“And she brought nothing but trouble with her.” You didn't know what that meant. “Listen, after everything with Zobelle is over, have another talk with him.”

--------

Lockdown was fine, it went by faster than you had expected it to. You knew some of the kids from when you'd taught their classes, so you helped them with homework or coloring. When everything was done, you thought for a moment that you'd be offered a new gig as a babysitter from a few of the parents. 

Back in your own apartment, you'd actually gotten used to the company, the chaos. Your small apartment felt huge and empty, and it was empty. You knew Gemma had a bird, maybe you should get a bird. You kind of preferred something fluffier, less wings and beaks, but a bird could do.

A knock at your door startled you out of your bird musings. There shouldn't be any threats anymore, to you, anyway, but your stomach still felt nauseous. You looked through the peephole, shocked when you saw your favorite Scotsman on the other side of the door. You didn't hesitate any longer to open the door.

“Chibs? What are you doing here?” You'd barely stepped back before he was pushing his way into your apartment. Closing the door, you turned to face him, only to find yourself back against it. His lips were on yours before you could even blink, one of his hands cradling your jaw, the other on the door next to your head. 

“I don’ have a lot of time, but I needed ta see you again.” He barely separated himself from you, his thumb tracing your lower lip. 

“Um, what…why…?”

“I need ta tell you the truth. Some truth, a’ least.” You simply waited for him to continue. “The man who gave me these scars, the man who took mah wife from me…he's here. I don’ know if he'd do anythin’ to ya if he thought ye meant anythin’ to me. We still aren’ on the grea'est of terms.” 

“So…that's why it's not a good time?” You swallowed hard, your brain working on nothing but the part where you may or may not mean something to Chibs. “Fiona-”

“Isn’ mine ta have.”

“I'm not worried about that guy, Chibs. I got my shit rocked when you barely knew my name.” You smiled slightly. “Anyway, with your hospital stay, and how busy you've all been with Zobelle, you really barely know me. I'd be a horrible bargaining chip.”

“You sell yourself shor’, lass.” He chuckled, shaking his head. He kissed you again, more need to it than before. This time when he broke away, he pressed his forehead to yours. “I have ta go.”

“Then go.” You barely breathed out. Still, he didn't move. “If it's a club thing…”

“Aye, i’ is.”

“You should go before something bad happens.”

“Aye.”

Still, neither of you moved.

“I'll still be here.” You kissed his cheek this time. “Go. I can wait.”

“You're a good one, darlin'.” He finally backed off from you, letting you off of the door. 

“Well, I don't know about that.” You smirked, tucking hair behind your ear. You opened the door again, and he stepped out. “Be safe out there.”

“You too.” With a tight smile, he was gone.

[honeybeebard]

Helping You Remember (Enver Gortash x DarkUrge!Tav)

Summary// Ever since the crash Tav had been stripped of her memories, with nothing but her name and this violent urge inside her body wreaking havoc with every step she took. It was no small feat to control it, or at least tame it, and just when she thought she had gotten it under control a new foe, or an old ally, comes to remind her where she came from.

(I didn’t expect my first fic in the BG3 fandom to be about Gortash. In fact, I have several half-written projects of other characters but for whatever reason this man has recently taken a hold of me and I’m afraid I’ve sunk too deep. This was originally going to be a one-shot but it’s taken on a life of its own and will now be a multi-chapter!

This first chapter is heavy on angst but the next chapter will be better, I promise! I just imagine this is how your companions would react to the news as well as how Gortash gets his foot in the door of reclaiming you. I hope you like it! I normally write for ACOTAR so this was so much fun!) WARNINGS: Heavy angst, Mentions of past Dark Urge actions

It had been a long, painful journey to get to Baldur’s Gate but Tav had made it. Her companions had made it. Everyone was alive and mostly well, save for the tadpole in their brains, the end of the world, and the recent discovery of Tav’s family history. As they made their way to Wrym’s Rock Fortress it was the only thing her mind could focus on. Astarion, Karlach, and Wyll were all too happy to chat about being back but she couldn’t stop thinking about what she was. 

Bhaalspawn.

Parents throughout Baldur’s Gate told stories of her kind to warn their children of the dangers of the world. She felt all the sins of her kin crawling up her back, refusing to meet anyone’s gaze in fear that they would see her for who she was. A monster. It didn’t matter how hard she fought the Urge inside her… her fate seemed to be already written in the stars. How could she save herself from this? She hadn’t even realized they had made it to the doors of the fortress until Astarion gently nudged her arm, giving her a concerned look as she was torn from her thoughts. “Are you alright, darling? You’re looking a bit clammy.” His voice was smooth but she could see the worry in his eyes. He was the first one she had told when she found out, seeking comfort in his arms just as he had done back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands. They didn’t have an official title to whatever their relationship was, sometimes friends and other times lovers, but they were each other’s closest confidants. He understood her better than herself sometimes and he had assured her that whatever she was facing, he would be there to help. So it pained her to lie through her teeth as she mumbled, “Fine. Let’s just get this over with. Hopefully, we can kill two birds with one stone.” Astarion knew she was lying but didn’t press her further, his shoulders tensing slightly as he gave a curt nod and entered the building with the others. The air was buzzing with excitement as everyone awaited the coronation of Lord Gortash. His posters were everywhere, most people hailing him as a hero, but from what she had heard from Karlach he was anything but that. And especially after discovering him at Moonrise, netherstone in the gauntlet decorating his hand, she only felt that anger within her rise more at the ignorance of the city. There was something else too, like a flash of nostalgia, but it flitted from her mind before she could grasp it. Tav shook her head as they made their way up the stairs, preparing for anything as they arrived at the grand hall.

Rows of seats lined the sides as a dark red carpet decorated the ground, leading all the way up to where Duke Ravengard and Gortash stood. Wyll visibly bristled at the sight of his father, his hand steady on the edge of his blade while Karlach slowly began to grow hotter and hotter at the sight of her former friend. 

“I can practically taste his blood from here.” Karlach seethed, her fists clenching. Astarion gave Tav a worrying look, wondering if now, underneath the watchful gaze of multiple Flaming Fists and the Steel Watch, was the right time to pick a fight.

Tav gave him a reassuring smile, turning to Karlach with a solemn expression. “I know you want nothing more than to rip his heart out but here might not be the best place to do it. Let’s hear him out first.” She speaks slowly, hoping to calm the tiefling. 

“Hear him out? He speaks nothing but lies! There is nothing he could say that could be of use to us.” Karlach snarls, turning her heated eyes to her and frowning. 

“Just trust me on this, okay?” Tav pleaded. “I promise that you will be the first one to rip him limb from limb.”

She seemed to calm slightly at Tav’s reassurance, her flames dulling as she nodded once. “I’ll hold you to that, soldier.” Karlach says, following in step as the four of them begin to walk up the aisle.

Gortash is the first to spot them, his lips turning up in a smile as he spies Karlach first. “My eyes must be deceiving me! Karlach, my dear girl, come and be welcome.” His voice was dripping with arrogance, his arms spread wide in greeting. 

“I’m not your dear anything!” Karlach snaps, her hand immediately falling to her weapon. However, just as Tav tries to step in front of them, his dark eyes turn to her and widen in surprise.

“And with you, my, why it’s my favorite bhaalspawn!” He grins as he comes closer to Tav, eyeing her up and down. “I never thought I would see you again either.”

“Wait, you know each other?” Karlach frowns, turning to look at Tav with betrayal in her eyes. 

“I swear I have no memory of him Karlach. I would’ve told you.” She stresses, holding up her hands in innocence while shaking her head rapidly. 

“Oh, I’d forgotten,” Gortash says smugly, chuckling to himself. “Your memories are quite lost aren’t they? Orin told me she’d made a fool of you. And to think you two have traveled together all this time and she hadn’t the faintest idea that you were one of my nearest and dearest.”

This time it was Astarion who spoke, his eyes hard as his jaw clenched. “What do you mean nearest and dearest?” There was a sense of urgency under his tone, something that Tav felt as well as she tried desperately to remember what Gortash already knew.

The dark-haired Lord smirked, taking a deep breath as he turned back to Tav and began to tell fill in the missing puzzle pieces of her memory. “You and I initiated this plot. No one could stand against the Dead Three so, after obtaining the crown, enslaving the brain, and creating a false God to rule the masses, there was little to stand in our way.”

Tav stumbled back a step, her head throbbing and pulse racing. No, she couldn’t have. She couldn’t have formed this plot, couldn’t have worked with Gortash. It wasn’t who she was. Was it? 

“No. I would never.” She whispered, her eyes full of anger while Gortash ignored her and carried on weaving the tale. 

“In Bhaal’s name, you set your bloody dagger to cause panic in the streets, killing in the Absolute’s name,” He smiled again as if recalling a fond memory. It made her want to vomit. “It was all going well until you had vanished, Orin claiming to be the new voice of Bhaal and taking over. She, unlike you, couldn’t control herself. She made a mess of things.”

Her stomach lurched, her knees buckling as bits and pieces of her past flashed through her mind. The blood, the screams, the wicked smile of her reflection as she all but bathed in the slain bodies of the innocent. Astarion noticed her trembling, reaching out to steady her as she tried to block out everything. 

“Have you gone soft?” Gortash asked as he stepped closer to Tav, examining her guilt filled gaze with a disappointed look. “I find that hard to believe. One’s true nature will always rise to the top.”

“That is not my true nature.” She hissed through gritted teeth, rage heating her blood as she pushed out of Astarion’s grasp and walked towards the man before her. “Take it back. Tell me you’re lying.”

“I know you know the truth, Tav.” He coos as if talking to a startled babe. “I can see it in your eyes. That Urge deep within you, clawing at its cage to be unleashed. We had something great, are something great, until you were taken. I tolerated Orin, tolerated Ketheric, but I liked you. We can still finish this together.”

As he finishes his sentence one of his hands comes up to rest on her arm, an intimate gesture that sends feelings of disgust and warmth through her body. She hated this, hated him, hated how little control she felt. Once again she felt a battle in her body between the past and the present. 

“Don’t touch me.” Tav growls, pulling away from him as if she had been burned. “I want nothing to do with you, with this plot. If anything this has only solidified my plans to kill you.”

She could feel Karlach’s approval from behind her, could feel her own body tensing for a fight only to falter when Gortash barked out a harsh laugh. 

“Oh, my dear bhaalspawn, you have no choice.” His eyes were suddenly hard and his tone like ice as he gestured around him. “The quakes are a clear warning. Without all three netherstones ruling the brain, it will break free and complete the Grand Design. Your choices are to join me and rule or subject this entire city, yourself and companions included, to becoming illithids.”

All of her companions shifted uneasily, looking at Tav for guidance. She tried to run through all the scenarios, looking for an out that didn’t include digging herself further into her past self, but the choices remained the same. 

“Together though,” Gortash straightens, giving her a charming smile. “Together we can control the brain. Renew our old partnership.”

“What kind of partnership?” Tav asked cautiously, hating how weak she sounded. Astarion cleared his throat beside her, pleading with her not to do this, but she ignored him. If she was going to find another way out of this she at least needed to get all angles of the problem…and that started with hearing Gortash’s bargain. 

“Let’s discuss it somewhere more private, hm? Away from the prying eyes of both nobles and…your group.” He looked behind her distastefully. “Meet me in my office after the ceremony. Alone.”

And before she can say another word he struts back to the middle of the room, letting the Duke continue with the blasphemous ceremony. Tav immediately motions for her friends to follow her towards the back, ignoring the words of Wyll’s father as she finally takes a moment to breathe.

“You can’t possibly be considering partnering with him.” Astarion huffs. “Please tell me you aren’t that stupid.”

“Look at what he’s done to this city, to my father,” Wyll adds, crossing his arms. “An alliance with Gortash is like asking to be stabbed in the back. He cannot be trusted.” “You’re damn right he can’t be trusted!” Karlach fumes, gnashing her teeth together. “That man is worse than a devil, Tav! He’s just trying to get in your head!”

“Enough!” Tav snapped, rubbing her temples as the pounding returned. Everyone’s opinions, including Gortash’s, were starting to make her head spin. “I know this is…a lot. I can’t process it all myself-”

“What, that you and Gortash created this entire cult, this entire problem that is threatening the lives of millions of people?” Karlach’s voice was rising with each word, her flames growing by the second. “I knew you were a bhaalspawn but Bhaal’s chosen? You are half the bloody reason we are here in the first place!”

“Karlach-” Wyll tries to intervene but she brushes him off, stalking towards Tav and jamming a red hot finger in her chest.

“No, don’t Karlach me.” She snarls, glaring down at her. “Did you not hear what she has done? The acts she committed in Bhaal’s name? Amnesia or not, you all have to see how dangerous she is.”

“I’m not!” Tav protested, tears pricking her eyes as she felt their gazes on her. It was her worst fear realized. “I’m not a monster, I don’t remember doing any of those things. I would never…”

“And yet here you are, ready to make nice with the viper.” Karlach spits, standing to her full height while regarding her with revulsion. “I need time to think.” 

Before Tav can say anything or reach out to plead for forgiveness, she storms off back to the entrance. Wyll looks between the two of them, his eyes full of sadness before he simply shakes his head and follows Karlach. The only one left is Astarion who is staring at her with an unreadable expression.

“Star…” She whispers, throat tight as she tries to reach for him only to physically recoil when he moves away from her hand. It wasn’t much, just a slight sway to the side, but it was enough to make the knife in her gut twist deeper. “Please.”

“I…I need a moment.” He murmurs, bowing his head before following the same path as her companions. Tav can’t stop herself from sinking to the floor, her soul aching as she brings her knees to her chest and cries. She doesn’t care that she’s in a room full of nobles, doesn’t care that everyone is watching her finally break, she just doesn’t care anymore.

Her friends, her entire world ever since escaping that damned nautiloid, had abandoned her. They had found out who she had been and had left her here, alone. Tav wanted to hate them, wanted to curse them, and never see them again, but could she blame them?

She was part of the reason this was all happening in the first place. She had caused all this pain, all this death, in the name of her father. Even if she didn’t remember it that didn’t absolve her of the guilt. If roles were reversed, she would probably question her relationship with the person as well.

“It’s all my fault.” She whispers, pressing her palms against her eyes harshly. The tears were hot as they ran down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking. Tav was so caught up in her emotions she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching her.

It wasn’t until she felt cold, metal claws tip her chin up that she finally came to her senses, blinking up at the man who had just revealed all her immoral acts as if they were nothing. 

“My poor little bhaalspawn,” He purred, using his other hand to pull her up to stand. “All alone again.”

Tav sniffled, feeling vulnerable as he wiped a tear away with his thumb. Her entire body felt numb as he pulled her into his arms, shushing her with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“Come.” He ordered. “Let me save you once more.” 

[snailygoon]

OATHBOUND by Tracy Deonn spoilers under the cut. I just need to put my thoughts somewhere. (trigger warning for critiques of the book I guess???) 

Was I the only one who thought that ending was all over the place in a bad way? Believe me, I was saddened by that because I was enjoying most of the book until the very end.

Aside from the weird decisions throughout the book. Like Bree doing things that would fully blow their cover in situations where they were supposed to be locked in. Nick and Bree not deciding to pull the ski masks off of those warlocks. Natasia's strange non-reaction to finding Bree in a demon club and just trusting the two cambions she was with were chill. And don’t even get me started on the people at the Institute letting Lark and William right in to get the rootcrafter girls, and Larkin apparently knowing how to fly a helicopter well enough to steal one lmaooo. I thought those things were silly, but not enough to make me not like the book.

BUT! I felt like she was building up the suspense for Sel and Bree’s meeting towards the end to be unhinged, upsetting and violent. But then bro walks out of the woods, whistling a happy tune, then some of the most cringe worthy dialogue I have experienced in a book happens, AND THEN HES LIKE “dont let me stop you guys 😏” and just whistles joyously back into the woods. My mom and I were reading it together and were laughing so hard we were lightheaded. I couldn’t help but imagine him wearing a fedora that entire exchange, I’m so sorry. 

And then BREE CHOOSING HER SOUL PIECE OVER KEEPING ALICE ALIVE!?! The way I threw the book across the room. like, I would’ve understood that decision more If her reaction after regaining her memories was her crashing out because oh my fucking God I just killed my best friend? My best friend who put her own safety at risk to be with me on this quest and who I accidentally put into the coma in the first place. BUT NO. SHE BARELY REACTED. SHE WAS LIKE “suddenly I remember me and my white boys history 😫” girl!?!? YOU JUST KILLED ALICE!?!??? people have argued to me that she had been choosing other people so much throughout the book that this was a justified decision. But sorry, no, I would understand that argument for any of the other decisions in the book, but this was her soul piece against Alice’s entire human life. And she was acclimating her lost people back into her life just fine without the soul piece, that I would think that she would be like “ yeah we can put regaining that piece off and find a way to bring Alice back first” but no.. she said “ pull the plug bitch” LIKE HUH!?!? I had been defending Bree this entire book but that was the one decision she made where I was like that was kind of irredeemable. What the fuck are they supposed to tell Alice’s parents? 😭

And if I wasn’t already spiraling after all that, Sels font change at the end put a nail in my coffin. I was laughing so hard I was in pain. I’m still so bewildered by the ending and I can’t stop thinking about it. (Also for any of the Sel lovers who might get mad reading this. I LOVE SEL TOO. Which made his characterization at the end even more upsetting because he went from being a character I really liked, to giving me an ick so profound, that I’m still upset about it five days after finishing the book). But yeah, I liked the first two books so much, that I’m just so baffled by the choices at the end of this one. I keep rereading the ending thinking that hopefully I’ll like it more. but I just come out more confused each time. 

[acefictionwriting]

The Mad Woman Of District 12: Part 1. The Promise

Gonna be honest folks I can’t tell if this is an x OC or a x Reader but I’m proud of it and hope you like it.

Word Count: 1,161 words.

Pairings: Wyatt Callow x reader (currently), future Haymitch Abernathy x reader (very slowburn). Warnings: Reader is put in danger from her mental illness twice. Mental illness isn’t understood here. Typical Hunger Games hopelessness. Panic attacks. Me trying to write a thought process and emotions, bear with me.

Reader recalls the day she made a promise to Haymitch, and the reason why. The day it went to shit. She refuses to remember this as reaping day.

I don’t remember much about that day, but I don’t think I wanted to. I think my mind discarded the worst bits to preserve what sanity I had left. That was the trouble with madness, you can’t trust your own mind to help you much. I remember shouting, panicking, a loud noise that was probably a gunshot. I think I know it was a gunshot and just don’t want to think about it. I remember I froze at the worst moment. I remember the important part.

I made a promise. I shouted to Haymitch as he got taken to wherever they take the tributes before they die. I said, “I’ll take care of them.” I don’t know how reassuring that was coming from the town’s crazy lady, people didn’t really trust me to do things correctly. I stared up at him and said it hopefully loud enough to break through what were surely terrifying thoughts. Rarely was something important enough to make eye contact for. It seemed dangerous to be that brave. This promise was one I looked directly at him for. I had done that once before when he vouched for my sanity to the peacekeepers.

I had broken down outside my house when the world had been a little too much to bear witness to. It was the day before the reaping, I think, a few years ago. The peacekeepers had thought I was going to hurt someone (them) as I wandered around in distress. He had insisted he could help, and surprisingly, he did. He helped me sit on the dirt road and held my hands down. His hands were rough enough to distract me from some of the noise. He told me to stop shouting because I was scaring the peacekeepers, and they had guns. I managed to quiet my screaming. I couldn’t quite stop my shaking and crying, but apparently, it was enough for the peacekeepers, as they muttered about hysterics or something and left. I didn’t even know him that well, but he and Asterid had been my first friends. Asterid was the girl my age assigned to help me with my… difficulties? People didn’t know what it was. Most just said I was crazy and moved on. Some people tried to do pretty terrible things to “fix” me, including the other “caretakers” in town. I never paid attention to them because of that. Asterid was the only one who knew I was no threat; I was often just scared. I met Haymitch on the day I couldn’t breathe, and he broke his foot. I forget how he did that. He just talked to me as we sat in Asterid’s house being helped. I guess he learned a thing or two then, either from watching me or maybe asking Asterid afterward out of pity or concern. I was never good at conversation, people could tell I was different immediately. I don’t know why, but he helped me. He was shaky and awkward, but he saved my life the day the peacekeepers could have killed me. I couldn’t save his, but I could do my best to return the favor by helping his mother and little brother. I could help by doing the things Haymitch did and generally pitching in. I could help, because they deserve it. Maybe I could fill the cistern? Or cook for them. Or…

Oh no. Oh. No… I had gotten lost in my thoughts again. I zoned back in to realize I had just been standing there. Most people had left. His mom and brother were going home and needed time to grieve, right? It might have been selfish but I still tried to reach Wyatt for a goodbye. I didn’t make it in time, and also it was family only. I sat outside for about a minute before his mom and dad walked out. They were somehow surprisingly composed and yet about as terrified as I’d thought. His father put a hand on my shoulder as he walked by. I didn’t get to talk to my best friend before he left. My… someone. My could have been something. Fine. It’s fine. It had to be fine. I had more families to check in on. He knows I care. The Bookers were cruel anyway, placing bets on kids’ lives. They wouldn’t get help. They didn’t need it they were rich(er than most in town because of their gambling).

Ok, Maysilee’s family or Luella’s next? I had to check in on people. I had to do something because no one else was right now. I had to- oh, I had to breathe. I didn’t realize I had fallen onto my hands and knees until now. Probably a good thing I had, or I would have fallen again from being dizzy. I couldn’t breathe, and things were oddly blurry. Just what happens when I’m scared. I’ll be ok. I have to be. I have to help. I have to make sure I deserve to stay here. Maybe it was too much, doing everything for everyone. Caring for everyone seemed to be hurting me, even just thinking about it. But I had to care for Sid and Willamae. Sid was only ten, he couldn’t be the man of the house. I had thought all of that while still shaking on the ground.

A peacekeeper was shouting at me, but I couldn’t understand the words. Probably telling me to get out of the way as they cleared everything up. I tried getting to my feet, but it took a few tries. He’s too close. He got too close. I finally got up, survival overruling anxiety. I ran, and I wasn’t sure where. I just kept going until I didn’t see people and collapsed to my knees behind a house somewhere. My legs hurt from running. And hitting the dirt so much today. I rarely left the Main Street because I got lost so easily. How was I going to make it home? It was ok, I thought, I can at least take time to cry now. So I did. It was quite the river, body-wracking sobs. I had learned, however, that I had to cry completely quietly. My family hadn’t liked it when I cried. I had gone the whole day without crying today. I deserved to have emotions after a day like today. My someone and my best friend were both gone. I knew that the capital liked to watch people cry on reaping day, so I promised myself and Wyatt that I would never cry on camera. Promised it to most of my friends too. Today is the day of promises, I thought. I’ll think of it that way. Try to spare myself the forgetting part, because I had a promise to keep, and I couldn’t forget that. Promise day. That’s how I remember that day. For his sake and mine, the last day I saw Wyatt would not be a bad day.

[imaginethezeldaverse]

🥺🥺🥺 Of course, Anon. Oh gosh, the big lug would be so worried about you too. Okay, okay, I got you. Daruk taking care of sick reader (and getting some help from his friends along the way!):

A large hand descended gently on your forehead. He always ran warm, but the way you shivered and shook under those pelts he thought was normally reserved for cold weather responses - and yet here you were, burning up even on his skin. Daruk's long, white eyebrows turned up in concern. His biology being so different from yours, he didn't understand what exactly what was wrong at first. Thankfully some travelling Hylians managed to clarify once Daruk explained to them how you were feeling. You were dealing with a really bad cold - which would make sense to you having just come from the Hebra mountainside two days ago and running out of spicy elixirs about halfway through your trip. The temperature swap from bone-chilling cold to sweltering heat within that timeframe had caused you to get pretty sick. So much so that you were reduced to a weak mess, groaning from the febrile chills and body aches that plagued you. A message had been sent out to Princess Mipha, directly from Daruk, asking for a healing potion that would hopefully fix you right up; having seen her heal people constantly, Daruk figured she was the best person to ask. Upon feeling his hand on your forehead, you stirred at the contact, a pained wince escaping you. Daruk didn't mean to wake you, but seeing as you were now, he carefully rummaged through your pack. Pouring some water into a small bowl, he kneeled next to you, "Up you go, sweetheart," as his hand came behind your head to prop you up. Your whole body felt akin to lead and ice, but you did your best to lift your head regardless. Daruk touched the bowl to your lips, gently leaning it back as you drank. When you'd had enough, you settled back under the pelts, shivers wracking your entire body in horrid waves. The Goron champion made his way to your kitchen, pulling a rag from your pack on the way; he doused it with water, remembering the words of those Hylian travelers who explicitly mentioned that cool cloths would help bring your temperature down. Before long you felt the touch of a cool, damp cloth lay across your forehead. An involuntary whine escaped you, "Shhh, I know, I know, I'm sorry," Daruk cooed, gingerly dragging his thumb down to carefully caress your warmed cheek. The soft strokes on your skin were comforting, and even though you couldn't see him because your eyes refused to open, you knew his touch meant 'I'm here'. The stoney stalwart was admittedly terrified to see you in a such a state. Gorons weren't prone to getting sick like this, and with his knowledge being next to nothing on Hylian illness, he felt almost helpless. Knowing what he does now, he was determined to stay by your side until you were completely better. He'd learned to make some porridges as an easy meal to help you build your strength back up. At one point he'd heard your weakened voice call for him, "Daruk..." you croaked through your shivering, eyes barely half open. His worried expression carried over in his voice, "What's wrong? Are you in pain?" Try as you might, you couldn't find the words to ask him what it was you wanted, so instead you used the very little strength you had to push yourself into his arms - which in actuality ended up with you barely being able to drape your arms over his crossed legs. However, Daruk had caught onto what you wanted, picking you up as gently as he could, and holding your tired frame close in his arms. You snuggled into his chest, relishing the heat his body gave off. He pressed his lips to your temple, frowning at how warm your body still was - but he understood that what you wanted was comfort. Daruk held you that way for a while, rubbing your back as you shook in his hold and kissing away any of your pained whines and moans. When he finally got you back to your bed so you could rest some more, he'd heard a gentle knock at the door. The airy woosh of wings sounded outside of your bedroom before Daruk had finally made his way to answer the commotion. A blue scarf, much like his own, had caught Daruk’s eye. "I assume this little bottle isn't for you, is it?" came the smooth voice of Revali, his Rito champion companion. "’Fraid not," answered Daruk, who quickly looked back at your bedroom door, just as you groaned from your aching. Revali held out his wing, “You’re lucky, I happened to be at Zora’s Domain picking up some fish - Mipha had asked me to drop this off,” he dropped the bottle into Daruk’s hand, “She said to add some of the hot spring water you have here in the mountains.” Daruk slowly curled his fist around the glass, a grateful smile gracing his face, the spring water would be perfect to help you feel better, that he was sure of!  Turning on his talons, Revali gave a short ‘hmph’, “Normally I wouldn’t waste my time to go out of my way to Eldin,” he turned halfway toward his comrade, a small smile barely peeking through his beak, “...But I suppose it’s different when it’s your friends that are in need.”  His Goron cohort chuckled, “Yer alright, Revali,” Daruk swiped at his nose, “And ya have my thanks.” Wordlessly the Rito champion took off with Daruk shortly making his way to the nearest hot spring to gather a bit of it into the bottle and shake up the concoction. It turned an earthy red, a familiar color he’d seen on the battlefield before when training with his fellow champions not too long ago. He wasted no time waking you once more to sip the potion, your face screwing up in disgust from the aftertaste. But as soon as you did, you felt your shivering start to diminish, the pelts covering you comfortably now instead of barely keeping in the warmth you constantly sought.  Large fingers held to your forehead once more, a rumbly sigh of solace sounding just above you. Your eyes fluttered open, “Daruk...?”  His smile was warm, dark blue eyes filled with relief and contentment. A hand cradled your back as he helped you sit upright, “Ya almost had me in a panic there, sweetheart...never seen ya that sick before.” You eased yourself into his big arms, “I’m sorry, hunny, I didn’t mean to make you worry so much.”  Kisses were pressed into your cheek and forehead as he held you tight against him, “I’m just glad you’re feelin’ better.” It was your turn to give him a kiss, though yours was one of gratitude.  “Knowing I’ve got the great Daruk to take care of me, I was bound to be better in no time.” Daruk couldn’t stop the wide grin that stretched across his face, happy as ever to see you feeling like yourself already. He’d have to remember to thank his friends for the timely assistance. 

[megan017]

Douma x reader idea which I might write a fanfic about later on (I just have to get this out of my mind right now, it's past 1 AM)

You were part of his cult and met him when you two were little children. His parents of course looked at him as a blessing, almost like a God (well, thought that he could talk with them because of his rainbow [KHM KHM PANSEXUAL FLAG] eyes), and didn't want the "dirty", "unworthy" followers to lay a single finger on him, still thought that maybe a friend might be good for Douma. And guess what? You were the one to win this All-So-Mighty leader's attention (don't ask what I'm saying at this point-)

You, as a somewhat innocent child, tried your best to be a good friend with him and suprisigly, your friendship worked out so well, that you even considered eachother best friends (you two were the only friends for eachother, no suprises here). You understood his struggles with emotions and tried to explain to him what they are like. One day, unfortunately, his parents thought that you are taking away their son's attention from the cult and decided to get rid of you in an inhuman way<3. This "inhuman way" just meant that your were sacrificed (killed) right in front of Douma, however they had enough humanity in themselves to let you have your last words, which were:

"I just hope that you will be able to feel emotions one day... Maybe not now..., maybe not soon, but hopefully not too late either..." you said with tears in your eyes as you looked at your best friend, for the last time, with an apologetic smile on your face. "...I'm sorry I couldn't help you feel anything..."

(^Big words from a child, I know, but I will do my research later-)

Aaaaand you get killed BUT NO WORRIES, I planned that you get turned into a demon maybe by Kokushibo<3, I will put this together, already on it. You would have 4 eyes (isn't that cool?) and then reunite with Douma in the Infinity Castle (awww, so romantic, isn't it?) You would remember eachother's faces, one of the only things you can recall from your mortal life, I mean... Who could ever forget HIS face? (Me, with the possibility of face blindness)

Edit 1: GUYS I KNOW! Kokushibo will see his human self in you. Lemme explain! You had a younger sister and as she showed how talented and everything she is, your parents started to turn all their attention towards her and decided that at the age of SOMETHING you get sent somewhere, and this somewhere was a cult (that they didn't know was a cult, but YOU didn't know THEY didn't know, which later on even fueled your anger further). I WILL PUT THIS TOGETHER IN A LOGICAL WAY, TO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE, I SWEAR😭

Edit 2: You will be able to switch between your two forms, your normal, everyday demon look, and a little child form, where you will mostly posses all your child like features you had as a child, people would only be able to tell that you aren't human actually, is my your eyes and teeth. Which you knew. So... The way your lure your prey is my hiding your face and acting, sounding like you are crying. The moment someone approaches you and gets close enough, you attack (almost like a specific SCP, but that creature attack you if you ever saw its face, until then, it hides its face in its hands and, if I know right, cries).

[cosmicjoke]

hi there !! thank u sm for answering my ask about the whereabouts of the scouts hq! i guess it's open to speculation of the location prior to the fall of wall maria ( or as i'd liked to call it "free real estate" lol ). anyways, i have another question for you if you don't mind! i love your analysis on levi and how emotionally intelligent he is and how he's in-tune with his emotions. i was wondering, do you think levi is the type to outwardly grieve at all? perhaps in privacy of his own quarters? we seem some subtle moments like when og levi squad dies as an example and we never see him fully cry until the finale. aside those small, yet very impactful moments, do you think he shows his grief in a more expressive way? if so, how do you envision it?

personally, i dont depict levi to be the type to showcase anger through his grief ( i guess unless zeke is involved lol ), but i feel like some days would be extremely difficult for him as he carries around the weight of his dead comrades and friends, especially at night when he's alone. i don't think he cries often, most likely due to growing up in the underground and kenny's "parental teachings", but as i said, i believe there are rare days where it's just too much, ya know?

regardless of my opinions, i would like to hear your thoughts and viewpoint on this !! thank you <3

Hi there!

Thank you for the ask, and I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help with your first! But this one hopefully I can give a better answer, haha.

We do have one, clear instant of seeing Levi express his grief outwardly, of course, and that's when Furlan and Isabel died. And Levi very much did express his grief through anger then. I would even say Levi was enraged, which we never really saw from him again. Even when Zeke forced Levi to kill so many of his own comrades, after turning them into titans, Levi's anger afterward was very controlled and measured, though still apparent. Maybe the closest we see to Levi becoming angry before then is the first time he takes Zeke down, in Shinganshina, after he cuts him out of his titan. But nothing really comes close to the outpouring of intense despair we see from him with Furlan and Isabel.

That probably has something to do with the fact that they were his family. I always say Furlan and Isabel were probably the two people who were closest to Levi in his life. The only two people who understood where he'd come from, because they came from there too. And also because they were the first, two people he really lost to the titan threat. He'd only seen one other person eaten by a titan before then. A soldier whom Levi likely had no relationship with at all. We have to remember, when Levi first joined the SC, he, Furlan and Isabel were outcasts. Nobody liked them, and nobody really talked to them or treated them kindly, outside of Erwin and Hange. The others he saw killed by titans, he only saw the aftermath of. But with Furlan and Isabel, he actually saw them directly eaten, right in front of him, and for all his great strength, he was powerless to stop it from happening.

For all the criticisms I often see lobbed at the anime adaptation of "No Regrets", I won't ever forget the raw emotion we hear in Levi's voice when he kills the titan that killed him family. We never hear Levi like that again. So enraged he sounds like he's on the verge of sobs. That was Levi losing the only two people he had in his life. His chosen family. His two first and best friends. That was Levi losing his whole world. His rage at Erwin afterward was also a manifestation of that pain. He was overcome by his grief in that moment.

I think, after that, Levi was able to form other connections, and other bonds. Especially with Hange and Erwin, and of course his own squad. And I think he felt the pain of their loss just as keenly as he did Isabel and Furlan. But by then, in order to keep moving forward himself, in order to keep fighting, Levi needed to learn to control that grief and keep it locked away. To not let it consume him or distract him. It's never been that Levi doesn't feel every loss with deep, genuine emotion, or that he's unaffected, or removed from the feeling of loss. He's always been, I think, more deeply impacted by the loss of life than anyone. He just learned to control that feeling, and more for the sake of others than for himself. He wants to stay strong so that he can do his job of protecting and fighting for others. He doesn't allow himself to wallow in his grief because he thinks it might compromise his duty to others. And that's Levi's selflessness again.

I'm certain there's been many, MANY moments in which Levi felt an overwhelming despair. I just spoke about this, in my post about how Levi more often looks sad to me than stoic. I think, when he's at rest especially, we see Levi's grief manifest on his face and in his body language. When there's nothing for him to channel his grief and despair into, it shows plainly on him. So I wouldn't be surprised if, when he had moments alone, he did give into it, if only a little. Levi doesn't strike me as much of a crier. I have a hard time picturing him really openly sobbing, for example. But he is capable of tears, and he may indeed have shed tears in private moments, when he felt sure it wouldn't negatively impact anyone around him.

There's of course something deeply tragic in that. In Levi feeling the NEED to hide his grief. To not let it show for fear of it somehow affecting others. That he feels his grief is less important than his duty toward protecting others. That he shouldn't be allowed to indulge in it. And we know this is an attitude with Levi only holds for himself. Because he never scolds anyone else for giving in to THEIR grief, and in fact does the opposite, providing them with what comfort and reassurance he can. The first time we meet Levi, he's comforting a dying soldier who's crying, wondering if he'd done his duty, holding his hand and telling him that he's done more than enough. Or with the soldier who lead the titans to them after the disaster with the Female Titan. Instead of scolding that soldier for allowing his grief to endanger the entire unit, Levi gave him Petra's patch, and told him it was his friends, just to comfort him. Or when Eren begins crying when they're all trapped in the cavern underneath Rod Reiss' estate, and while everyone else is yelling at him, telling him to man up, Levi doesn't yell at him at all, despite the peril they're all in. He instead tells Eren he's sorry to have to ask for his help again, and after Eren is able to save them, he's the only one to thank Eren and express his gratitude by telling him that it's thanks to his efforts that they'll be able to retake Wall Maria again. Or when he tells Erwin thank you, after Erwin confesses to his own grief and guilt. Instead of scolding Erwin for showing weakness in the face of catastrophe, he tells Erwin that it's thanks to him that the SC was able to get as far as it had. He tells Erwin he's been a great leader.

Even while Levi denies himself the comfort of his own grief, he never denies it to anyone else. And once again, that's Levi's selflessness manifesting. And it's heartbreaking to realize, because again, I think Levi probably feels things more deeply than anyone. I think he's more hurt by the loss of his comrades than anyone. But he won't allow himself to really process that hurt, or find any solace by giving in to his grief.

[tanalogyosc]

Argument (Story)

Just like always, just like it has been.

Once the challenge was announced, the teams scurried to the glade to continue with the challenge. It would've been an easy challenge to do... if it wasn't for the fact that Quill and Mango started arguing.

"What the? The challenge was to collect a certain plant specimen! Dividing ourselves is the fastest way to go with it!" Quill spoke out.

"Welll I'm sooorrry! But unlike you who have a perfect eyesight, we literally have two people who only have one eye in our team, we need to search for it together in case someone missed it!" Mango replied.

The two bickered while their teammates watched in silence. Yes, this was just their daily routine by now.

The moment they wake up, the two would go to the cafeteria only to argue about how the food they were eating was better with this or that. It doesn't help that their cultural differences clash with each other too.

After arriving at certain locations, they would immediately go their separate ways. Quill preferred anything that could give him inspiration for his novel, and Mango would go see the entertainment and beauty the location could offer. However, they would usually meet each other again and start to bicker about how the other was following them.

Toast, Street Lantern, and Beetroot can do nothing but wait until they somehow resolve their issues themselves. But today was not the case for that, the countdown of the challenge still moves even when they're bickering.

"Guyss, can we just like, go in pairs?" Toast spoke up. Mango and Quill immediately paused, of course, if the first and second options can't be decided then why not settle for a third option? But... the problem was how they would split the pairings.

"Ahem, it is true that we could simply go in pairs but," Quill thought, "We have an odd number of people, how are we going to split?"

"Well, since you can be much more precise with those eyes of yours, why don't you just go alone," Mango scoffed.

"Hey, it's not my fault I have a sharp eyesight! That's just the perk of being bird-related," Quill replied immediately.

Beetroot watches in defeat as the two starts bickering again, "Sigh, we're never gonna get this challenge finished are we?" It would seem like the argument would continue forever when suddenly Street Lantern had a perfect idea.

"Hey, um, Since like, Markov and I have one eye each that means we have a pair of eyes," Street Lantern looked at Beetroot, "And that would mean we need Beatrice to be the second pair of eyes!"

Toast looked at her in confusion, "Wait why all thr- Oh, I see." Toast looked at Beetroot and both nodded in unison, as they understood Street Lantern's plan.

"Yeah, Marko, Victoria and me are gonna go look together. So you two should pair up, ok bye!" and with that, the trio quickly exit stage left into the forest.

Quill and Mango stared in confusion as their form disappeared into the woods, "T-they can't be serious?! Argh, fine, we need to work together if we wanna win this challenge, capiche?", Mango spoke to Quill.

"Hah, as if I would want us to lose just because I'm forced to be with you," Quill replied.

As the two walked in the opposite direction, the trio silently watched from the trees in relief. Hopefully, they can just resolve their conflict when the challenge has ended.

But for now, they must find a certain plant to win.

"Wait, I forgot, what plant were we supposed to find?" Toast asked. The girls stared in horror as they realized the only ones who remembered what they were supposed to find was Mango and Quill...

[goaliegossip]

Yeah, I must say I never understood the argument of Pete or even JT as captain. When Horvat left, I remember the discussion revolves around those two.

JT I could see why people would advocate for him because if you think about it simply: he’s more outspoken and puts his heart on his sleeve. People often think of leadership = who is the loudest. However, it’s often more complex than that and JT is known for being outspoken but also we know he has some outbursts in the locker room, and has picked some fights. With that, we are seeing certain traits that could get into the territory of a “negative leader”.

I honestly never saw Pete as captain material. Like I genuinely was so confused when people were shocked that Quinn got chosen over him or they guessed him instead of Quinn. People were so confused about the Quinn choice. People were saying that Quinn was a quiet guy, but Pete was never a big speaker either. So, I never really understood the point.

Even as a rookie, Quinn has been a great public speaker and was great a dealing with the reporters. Maybe on the ice or just the way he looks, it might look like he’s shy and all. However, his off rink and media interviews and the way he carried himself way before he was named captain, he showed great maturity and knowledge and I honestly thought that he could be a great captain. I knew that at some point he would be a captain in his career (but I didn’t think it would happen so soon and at a young age). As a captain, you HAVE to be good at dealing with the media and at building good relationships with others which might be lacking in JT and Petey (JT might be too “aggressive” while Petey might be too “passive”).

There are some louder personalities out there and it might seem like they are the best captain, but being a captain in the NHL is way more than just loudly yelling some encouragement and speeches about how good or bad they are doing, NHL captain do a lot of behind the scenes work such as deciding some aspect of the schedule, meeting with the coaches and other people in the organization. You have to have good people skills. You have to be intense, have a great work ethic and be competitive and push your team and yourself, but you have to be calm and collected because you’re the one the team looks for support and stability.

Now, I love Petey and JT. However, you can’t have someone who can be at times “nonchalant” and just too chill. But also, you can’t have somebody who has a big ego (that might get bruised easily) and that is known for being too intense and has gotten into arguments with his fellow teammates. You cannot have someone who you might fear or you know you have to walk around on eggshells as a captain. It just will not work.

HOWEVER, adding those type of personalities into the leadership is actually GREAT! I think they each reflect a side of the captain (in maybe a more intense way) and can help him shape the leadership of the team. And that is why you have assistant captains: you want to balance your leadership, and bring different roles and styles. The captain also needs some outside opinions from other teammates and can give certain roles to those with the A.

Any way, hope it’s some media over exaggerating certain aspects. I hope they get it together. I mean last season was such a game changer for the team. This season has started off to a bad start compared to last year. Hopefully, they pull some kind of bounce to secure a space at the top, but yeah.

^^ I agree with everything you said. at the end of the day these are two grown men who need to find a way to coexist and keep their personal issues off the ice. I think what makes quinn such a good captain because he’s a good mix of both. he knows when to speak up and be that leading voice but also knows when to let those around him step in. It’s cool watching quinn grow as not only a player but a leader especially because he’s still young and will only grow from here

[lookingupatthesamemoon]

selfshiptober day 8: swim + terror

pairing: Harper + Cooper Adams/Abbott

summary: Harper encounters Cooper yet again, taking a late night dip in her campus' pool.

word count: 2.3k

cw: canon-typical violence, serial killer implications, s/i does not care that Cooper is The Butcher

divider by @/strangergraphics :)

Harper had always thought of herself as a lucky girl. She had the gift of getting away with all sorts of things, big and small – which, of course, included what she was getting up to now. The campus fitness center had closed for the night about two hours ago, but here she was, enjoying a late night swim in their heated pool. Her roommate worked there most mornings, sitting at the front desk, reminding people to check in before beginning their workout routines. It was mindless, Harper always thought, but at least the girl was getting paid to do it. Of course, she couldn’t complain too much when she knew exactly where her roommate kept her keycard and her set of keys, essentially allowing her access to the building whenever she wanted – well, assuming her roommate didn’t catch on. 

Harper had taken pride in her impish ways for as long as she could remember. She understood that she was a little different, a little off-kilter, but that self-awareness only allowed her to hide it better. She was conniving, and felt that it was in her best interest to use that to her advantage as if it was some sort of special skill. To her, it was. Her latest scheme involved raising her GPA… If it weren’t for that statistics class, she’d surely have a 4.0 instead of the 3.8 she was currently resting at. Her professor was a bit of a hardass, but she could tell there was a softer chump underneath it all. She could tell, just by the way he held himself, that he was a desperate, degenerate man… His classroom was likely the only place he could exercise any control. She was great at reading people, she thought.

As she pondered possible methods of seduction, hopefully in exchange for raising her grade, she was suddenly pulled out of her own head by a loud slam coming from the direction of the men’s locker room. She could’ve sworn she heard footsteps on their way to the main pool room, causing her to panic. Depending on who those footsteps belonged to, and even moreso, what their intentions were, she wasn’t sure this was a situation she could talk her way out of. Harper was frozen in place debating her next move. Making quite literally any movement could give her away, as the water would make too much noise in the otherwise silent building. If she simply dunked herself under the surface where she was, whoever it was might miss her in the dim light, but she had to assume she would be even less detectable if she waded over to one of the pool’s corners. She began to do so, taking extremely slow steps in order to make the least noise possible. 

Unbeknownst to her, The Butcher had been traipsing around the campus, on the hunt for his next victim. The college kids were always too easy. He had only ever kidnapped two from this campus… Too many more, and it would look far too suspicious. The FBI was already onto him, and he knew it, which only encouraged him to randomize his targets as much as he could, as well as slow himself down. But it had always been hard for Cooper to fight the urge, and sometimes, he had to satiate it in the easiest way he knew how. He was smarter than a lot of people gave him credit for, and when he had noticed the singular light on inside the fitness center, he was sure he had found the perfect mark. He tried to keep quiet as he slipped into the building, not wanting to give whoever was in there too many opportunities to escape. While he did like the idea of the chase, he hated to risk them getting away, especially when they could potentially identify him. Besides, staying quiet made it easier for him to track down his prey. As he journeyed through the men’s locker room, he couldn’t help but notice the sounds of whoever else was in the building were beginning to get louder. He could hear the distinct sound of arms swishing through water – and based on the pitch of the sound, he was assuming those arms were small, suggesting that whoever it was would stand no chance against his tall, muscular build. He slinked through the shadows, until finally, he could put his eyes on his target, finally slamming a locker shut to make his presence known.

From afar, he couldn’t really tell too many specifics about the person – all he could tell was that they seemed to be a woman. That worked. Cooper was unlike some of his contemporaries in that he didn’t discriminate  when it came to his killings – well, aside from children. He never killed children. But other than them, everyone was “up for grabs,” so to speak: men, women, and everyone in between alike. His last victim was a young man… Why not make things even. He rolled his neck a bit, then headed for the pool.

As soon as Harper saw the figure headed toward the pool, she dove under the water’s surface, praying to a God that she didn’t even believe in that whoever was lurking in the shadows hadn’t heard, and that they would stomp right on past her. Of course, she knew better, and in a matter of moments, her prayers were left unanswered as she felt a sharp pain at the back of her head – her hair was being pulled at, forcing her head above the water. She screamed, splashing at the assailant in hopes it would deter them long enough for her to get the fuck out of dodge, but to no avail. It wasn’t until she looked up, seeing the perpetrator’s face, that she calmed down.

“Cooper?” She shrieked. 

“Harper,” he replied, a huff escaped his nose. He put on that fake smile he had gotten so good at, slowly letting her hair go, but keeping just enough laced through his fingers to keep her from running too far. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight. I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“Cooper… Let go of my hair.”

She met his eyes, trying to assert some semblance of dominance – it wasn’t exactly working. He still wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He was realizing in real time that he was fucked with this girl. He had two options: he could kill her, ending their perverse game of cat-and-mouse once and for all, or he could let her go yet again. This was now their fourth meeting – though, this might’ve been the first one that Harper hadn’t forcibly orchestrated. He wouldn’t put it past her, of course, based on one of their last encounters… But her performance here, her fear, seemed far too legitimate to him to have been planned. 

You see, Harper was not the type of person Cooper ever anticipated dealing with. Outside of… Well, this, he was a relatively common man. He had everything the American dream could advertise: a nuclear family, complete with both a son and a daughter, a white picket fence, steady work as a firefighter. He took pride in his job, sure, but he was far from a celebrity, even if his page in the firehouse calendar was everyone’s favorite. It was a delicate dance, keeping that normal life entirely separate from his… Hobby. He put great effort into covering his tracks, outside of his trademark of scattering limbs at all of his crime scenes – they were really the only pattern the FBI had to go off of in their attempts to track him down. This part of him was almost completely unknown – just how he liked it. What he failed to consider, however, was that his news reports and his police profiles might garner a little fanclub of their own, resulting in freakish little groupies like Harper. She was the only one that had found him, of course, but he knew there had to be others out there like her. 

“Cooper,” Harper started again, “be a good boy and let go of my hair.”

Cooper’s eyes glinted briefly as he grimaced, finally releasing her completely. She took two steps back in the water, keeping her eyes on him as he remained crouching next to the pool’s edge, his shirt damp from the water she had doused him with earlier. “I know what you’re doing. It’s not going to work.”

“What am I doing, Cooper?”

“You’re doing that thing, that thing that they all do, where you talk like my mother to try to disarm me. It’s not going to work.”

Harper smirked. “You know, it would do you good to listen to me, Cooper. I know who you are. And I’ve already told you, I’m no threat to you. I’m not taking this to the cops or the FBI or anyone else. I just think, you know… we might make a good team.”

“And I’ve already told you… I work alone. I don’t need some little girl fucking up my plans and procedures.”

“Oh, Cooper… You don’t mean that,” Harper pouted.

“Don’t,” Cooper growled, watching as her hands slowly reached up behind her neck, toying with the strings of her bathing suit.

“What? You gonna kill me?” She teased, pausing and bringing her arms back down. “That would be the stupidest move you would ever make in your life, killing me. There’s no one else on this entire planet that knows this part of you and likes it. I’m telling you, Cooper… I could be your greatest asset. All I’m asking is that you let me.”

His upper lip curled. He hated how much that point made sense. He hated her. He hated how much she knew about him just from her relentless research. He hated the way she had tried over and over to insert herself into his life, even going as far as tying him up for the sake of a dinner date. And yet, he couldn’t deny that while looking at her, half naked and sopping wet, he saw something angelic. If nothing else, maybe she was right. Maybe she was a tool that he could use, and whenever he was finished, he could toss her out of his life like a bad batch of egg salad, in the way that he did with every other victim he had the pleasure of doing business with.

Harper watched, still keeping her distance, as Cooper’s face contorted, his brain clearly working its way through her repeated proposition. She swore she could see him soften, his shoulders dropping ever so slightly as he relaxed. She smiled, choosing to wade closer to him, perhaps against her best judgment.

“What’s in it for you?” Cooper finally thought to ask. “I mean, really… How does becoming my little minion help you in any way?”

“Easy,” Harper scoffed. “I get to live out my twisted little fantasies.”

“And you’re willing to put all of this – school, your job, your family – in jeopardy for this? I mean… You’ve gotta recognize how dangerous this is for you. I could snap your fucking neck right now if I wanted to-”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I could. Don’t interrupt me.”

Harper stuck her tongue out playfully, stifling a giggle. He thought he was so tough… And he was, she supposed, but she could handle him. Despite only knowing him personally for a matter of weeks, she knew plenty about what made The Butcher tick.

“You’re nothing like the others,” Cooper mused after a few moments. “You’re not afraid of me. Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Because I know you.”

Harper inched even closer, her own fingers curling over the pool’s edge, mere centimeters away from Cooper’s. She took a shaky breath, sticking her chin up like a giraffe reaching after a tall tree, pausing once her face was close enough to his that she could feel his breath on her skin. Cooper sighed, glancing down to meet her eyes. “You’re not gonna give this up, are you?”

“Not a chance,” Harper replied, a devilish grin spreading across her cheeks. “Why would I ever let The Butcher, my favorite muse, out of my sight, hm? I’m your biggest fan.”

Cooper said nothing in response. Instead, he finally rose up from his crouching position, his six-foot stature now towering over her and the pool. He hastily removed his shirt, discarding it on the pool deck. His jeans soon followed, the metal of his belt buckle clanging against the stone as they fell. Slowly, he waded into the pool in his underwear, meeting Harper where she stood..

In one swift movement, his left hand was cupping the side of Harper’s face. His palm was almost as big as the side of her head. A yelp escaped her lips as he pushed her head against the closest edge of the pool, followed by a slight giggle. Anyone else in their right mind would be terrified, but Harper… Well, she was feeling something else entirely. She side-eyed him, taking in the look of madness in his eyes, admiring how twinkly they seemed to get when he was angry.

Angry. Cooper found his grip lessening ever so slightly as he realized what he was feeling. He wasn’t faking this. This frustration was real, realer than it ever was with his actual victims. He could still feel.

“You’re not going to the cops?” He asked her, still pressing her head against the coping. 

“Never. I promise.”

He took his hand away, allowing her to slowly lift her head back up. She rubbed the right side of her face, stars in her eyes as she realized there would surely be bruising there in the morning.

“You know where the house is, the one you found me in. Come find me there tomorrow.”

[briamichellewrites]

14

Phoenix approached Brad with a confession. He had wine while on tour. They sat down together. He then asked him to explain himself. They went to a church service where they had communion. Did he have wine? Yes, he did. He was afraid of making it a big deal by denying it. Brad thanked him for telling him. Since he wasn’t Christian, he couldn’t tell him if he slipped up. His conscious said he did and he was racked with guilt. Did he want to drink? Yes, that’s why he came to him.

“It might be different from what we observe as Jews.”

“It’s the symbol of the blood of Christ when he was hung from the cross. The wafer is the body.”

“Passover. Talk to your priest or religious leader. Tell them about how you thought it would be rude to say no and now, you’re feeling guilty which is giving you cravings.”

He would do that. Did anything else happen? No. They mostly played to teenagers and kids. Some of them paid attention. They had fun, though. Was he going to continue the tour? Yeah, he would. He was eager to come back to Linkin Park. It would be a different crowd. Where did he think they would be in a year or two? He had no idea. Hopefully, they would be playing to a crowd full of people. Brad hoped so, too. They had been working their asses off for that.

Bria. She was still hobbling around on crutches. Jon was at home with her and Woody, who was making sure she rested by getting comfortable on her lap. Jon didn’t mind staying home with her. He pulled up the ottoman and put it in front of where she was sitting on the couch. Woody purred loudly to help her feel better. She scratched his head. That feels good, human!

“Baby, where are you?”

“I’m in my own little world, Jon.”

“Are you still blaming yourself for the accident?”

“I’m blaming myself for Mike getting hurt. Not for myself.”

“What would you have done differently to prevent it from happening?”

She shook her head because she didn’t know. Nothing. There was nothing she could have done differently to prevent it from happening. They didn’t have time to react or jump out of the way. She needed to forgive herself and focus on the fact that he was okay. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Just like he did when she was younger.

Both she and Phoenix needed to learn how to forgive themselves. Life happened and sometimes there was nothing they could do to prevent it. What about her parents? They couldn’t have known that they would be hit by a car. Did she mourn them? Yes, privately. She still had moments when she got angry and she asked herself why it had to happen. Jon explained that a driver hit them. She understood that. There were so many things in her life she had no control over.

“You didn’t get a fair chance because of how you were born. Your birth mother hurt you. Twice. You have every reason to be angry at her. You also have the right to feel compassion and empathy. What someone chooses to do doesn’t mean you should hate them forever. People make bad decisions. It’s about separating their bad decisions from who they are as a person.”

Her mother made a selfless choice when she placed her for adoption. Even if it wasn’t her choice. He remembered when he first met her. She was five years old and had moved next door to him with her parents. At that age, she was very curious about everything. She was also very hyperactive. Her parents did whatever they could to get her to sit still. But she gave him the biggest smile whenever she saw him. He thought she was adorable and very entertaining.

“Bria, come over here and stop bouncing around”, her father said.

She did as she was told. Her toys were on the floor of the living room. She had a cabbage patch doll with clothes and a hairbrush. That was her favorite toy because she loved taking care of it. She also had a baby bottle and cloth diapers. It helped her sit still while the adults talked. The eighties. A time when he had a questionable fashion sense. He could look back at those pictures and laugh at himself.

Bon Jovi came out in 1984 with their song, Runaway. From there, their career took off. They were not just boys from New Jersey anymore. They were rock stars. But he found comfort at home where he could be himself. His family never treated him as a rock star. He was just John to them. To Bria, he was her cool neighbor who played with her whenever she and her parents were in town.

Her parents did the best they could. He gave them a lot of credit because she was not an easy child. She had massive amounts of energy and she needed to constantly move around. At the time, they didn’t know her ADHD was likely caused by her birth mother using drugs while pregnant with her. They sent her to boarding school, so she could have a consistent routine. It was hard at first because she was so far away, but it ended up being the best thing for her.

She got to have experiences other children her age didn’t have. If she had gone to regular school, she would have likely been labeled a troublemaker and she would have fallen behind the other children. The staff at her school developed ways to help her learn with her disability. She was encouraged to seek out activities to help her self-esteem.

She did theater and dance, which helped her channel her energy into something positive. Her body was allowed to move around, instead of being told to sit still and pay attention. She didn’t have a disability when she was performing. Rather, she was just one of the kids. He felt honored to have been there to watch her grow up and he knew how proud her parents were of her. They talked about her good grades and everything she was doing.

Whether that was visiting a foreign country or performing on stage. While at school, her music teacher discovered her talent. She could play music by ear. It was a talent she hadn’t seen before in other students. Even at the very young age of five, she could play the piano like she was an adult who had been playing for years. She was a true child prodigy and she wanted her to continue playing music.

Phoenix came home to find them in the living room talking. Woody looked up at him as he came over. Hi, human! He asked Bria how she was doing. Woody was making sure she took it easy. They laughed. He apologized for being late.

After talking to Brad, he drove home to visit his pastor. Why? He was feeling guilty about having wine while on tour. It was communion wine, but he couldn’t stop beating himself up over it. He talked to Brad about it and he encouraged him to talk to his pastor. It helped him feel a lot better because it didn’t mean he slipped up or relapsed. Good for him for acknowledging what happened, instead of sweeping it under the rug. The more guilty he felt, the more tempted he was to relapse.

He couldn’t do that because he didn’t want to go down that path. Woody extended his paw to him. He scratched his head and then thanked him. You’re welcome, human. After a while, he finally got off her lap because he was hungry. He went into the kitchen. Shockingly, his bowl was empty. Meow! Meow! Human! She got up, hobbled to the kitchen, and shook his bowl to refill it. Thank you!

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[asoulofatlantis]

Uh... I guess we make a newyearseve tradition out of the Christmas tradition ^^' And I do not know for how long because I am still not in the mood. But I try to get at least the SeeD-Exam done.

He always acts like she is annoying him, but that reaction pretty much shows that he is used to getting favors for being her favorite student.

Makes you wonder which idiot decided on who is in which squad in that exam. I mean... I guess giving a rather quiet introverted person like Squall a lively extrovert partner like Zell/Xell (how do they write that in English again? ^^') does make somewhat sense, but putting Seifer in the same team as two people who hate him, seems a bit harsh for an examen, especially since this isn't Seifers first try on this exam, so there are multiple reasons for him to not qualify for squad leader, his relationship with Squall and Zell aside. Meaning he is almost doomed for failure and could have easily dragged two promising new candidates down. Test or not, this is cruel.

Whoevers job it was to take care of the headmaster here, is hopefully fired by now...

He has a big mouth for a guy who failed this examen at least twice by now.

They throw them in an actual real-life battlefield for the test and yet, surviving doesn't mean that you will automatically pass.

First he is all "I am so cool. I am not afraid of battles. Blah, blah, blah and dann he boasts that he has a ROMANTIC dream? Oh boy...

His dream isn't as romantic as he makes it look like either, by the way.

Harsh words from a guy who will fail just another exam. But... I guess the game does try to show us that as a teacher/instructor, Quistis has still a lot to learn.

I NEVER understood how the ranking actually worked. I remember doing it with a walkthrough and I only got Rank 3. I had rank 5 once if I remember correctly, but god knows how.

I just found something that tells me all the stuff I did wrong. And shit did I do A LOT wrong ^^'

You know I am a shipper and cheesy lovestorys usually always get me at some point, but Rinoa and Squall never got me. I never felt like they worked together or that they had great chemistry and the whole ordeal with Rinoas mother and Squall father feels absolutely weird if you look at the whole picture of that story. So I do NOT in fact look forward to meeting Rinoa for the first time at the party.

Joke is on us here, because she actually is a witch (tho how one becomes a witch is something I will never fully get in this game...) and this could have easily be the only reason he actually fell in love with that spoiled, naive and annoying little brat here. Seriously, you know all those theories out there from other movies? Those ones were you suddenly think: "Oh shit! That even makes sense!" like it sounds like a stupid conspiracy, but it makes sense if you think about it. So... Rinoa put a spell on Squall right here to fall in love with her and that is why we truly get that stupid second-hand love story in the first place. (That is probably not true, but I just want to put that out here, because it makes more sense than someone like Squall falling for someone like her ^^')

One of 3000 Versions of eyes on me is playing in the background, in true final fantasy stile, the main theme has multiple versions and playes in all kind of moments. That has not changed that much.

For Quistis it must have been really frustrating. She felt connected to Squall and wanted to be close to him, at least as a friend, if nothing else, but he refused her time and time again. And then he dances with a random girl on that ball on the day Quistis lost her job. The frustration must be piling up at this point and Squall isn't helping with his attitude.

I found it surprising tho that he did pick up on that. He always seems like he doesn't care, but maybe he actually is just really bad at showing it.

Probably because of Seifer... But can you really blame her for his mistakes?

I wonder if someone ever told her they would have some memory problems? I mean... did she expect that they remember her?

Poor guy. He had one hell of a day yesterday and after barely a few hours of sleep he already has to be thrown into the most hideous SeeD mission there ever was. I guess he has inherited his fathers questionable luck, huh? ^^' (I mean, despite a lot of things going wrong, Laguna always ended up in a situation were he got what he needed in the end... mostly, that is.)